#without it getting in the way of others' blogging

[lilianne-tarot]

PICK A CARD: What Kind of Love Story Will You Have with Your Future Spouse? ✮⋆˙

˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁ ˖

˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁ ˖

Hey there loves! Welcome to another PAC reading on my blog page—I hope you all enjoy it! Comment down what you felt about the reading and if it resonated with you and please show some love, Your support means everything to me!<3

How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images below. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you—go ahead and read both!

If you enjoyed this reading, get your own personalized paid reading here! it would really help me out!😊🦋

My KO-FI link: HERE🫶🏻

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⊹₊⟡Pile I

TROPE- The Love Trope: ‘Second Chance, Destined to be’

If your future spouse and your relationship were a fanfic, it would be tagged under: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers Energy, Emotional Healing, and Passion That Burns. The Queen of Pentacles reverse tells me this love story doesn’t start in the most stable way. Whether it’s meeting at a time when one or both of you are still healing from past wounds, struggling with self-worth, or feeling like your life isn’t entirely together, this connection starts on rocky ground. Maybe one of you is too focused on work, personal struggles, or still in the aftermath of a past heartbreak. Or, plot twist, this could even be someone you already have a history with—whether that means past life connections or literal "it didn’t work out before but now the timing is right" vibes.

Either way, this is not a simple meet-cute. There’s tension, hesitation, and a fear of making the same mistakes as before. This relationship starts with less of a slow burn and more of a ‘why is this so intense already and why do I feel like I know you in ways I shouldn’t. then we have the Ace of Wands. Babes, let me tell you—this is the definition of a magnetic, can’t-stay-away, undeniable chemistry kind of connection. When I say passion? I mean fireworks exploding in the dead of night kind of passion. This is the relationship that wakes you up, the one that makes you feel alive. This person? They get under your skin in a way that’s both frustrating and exhilarating (Aww😭) One moment, you’re side-eyeing them, thinking, this person will be the death of me. The next? You’re pulled into this whirlwind of emotions. Physically, the attraction is off the charts. The kind of touch where a simple brush of hands feels like it sends electricity through your entire body. The way they look at you? Intense. Like they’re memorizing your every expression. There’s a heat between you two that makes other people around you uncomfortable because they can feel the tension without either of you saying a word.But—this fire can either be the kind that fuels something lasting, or the kind that burns down a house if not handled with care. And that’s where the challenges kick in. This is the love that forces both of you to confront your deepest insecurities. It’s transformational love, the kind that breaks you open just to rebuild something even stronger. Think of it like the "before" phase of a glow-up—messy, uncomfortable, full of self-doubt. But once you get through that? Chefs kiss.

And let’s be real—the make-up moments in this relationship? ICONIC. The kind where words aren’t needed because one look says I’m sorry, I need you, we’re in this together. Your future spouse isn’t just someone you fall for; they’re someone you grow with. You're A Couple Who Choose Each Other, Again and Again.

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⊹₊⟡Pile II

TROPE- Slow-burn softie workaholic who pretends they’re too busy for love but will drop EVERYTHING for you. (Grumpy x Sunshine energy.)

Alright, babes, let’s get into it. The energy of this pile, Whew. It’s layered, it’s complex, and it’s giving "we need to talk" but in a deep, soul-revealing way. This is not your fluffy, love-at-first-sight, rom-com-type romance. Oh no. This is a slow-burning deeply transformative type of love. If your love story were a fanfic, it would be one of those "we went through hell and back to find each other, but damn, was it worth it” sagas. So, let's break it all down. Imagine this: One of you (probably you) is the 8 of Pentacles person—the dedicated, hard-working, "let me get my life together first" type. So in your self-improvement era, focus on your career, and goals, and maybe even tell yourself "I don't have time for love right now." But love? Oh, it's coming, and it’s about to throw a level of emotional depth you're not prepared for. Now, enter your future spouse—The Emperor reversed energy. And this person? Not easy. They are powerful, charismatic, and naturally dominant, but they are struggling with control. Think: someone who’s used to being in charge, but when it comes to emotions? Hot. Mess. Maybe they were raised to believe that feelings = weakness, or they have serious trust issues, but either way, they are not used to vulnerability. They crave structure and order (probably a little bit of a perfectionist), but their heart? Total softie. And that’s where your dynamic gets spicy. Because while you're busy building something stable (your career, your self-worth, your goals), they are learning to surrender, to trust, to actually feel—and you're the one teaching them that. Does this already sound like a fanfic with a slow-burn "grumpy vs. sunshine" vibe? Because I swear, this is the kind of connection where the frustration, passion, and eventual devotion are off the charts. Your relationship might start off with misunderstandings, power struggles, or even a sense of "this is too much work.” (Lowkey, you might even write them off at first.) Your future spouse, despite their struggles, has deep emotional intelligence (King of Cups)—they just don’t know how to show it in healthy ways at first. This relationship is going to test you. There will be moments where you’re like, “Why am I the only one putting in the effort?”—and that’s because your person is still learning how to step up emotionally without relying on control. when they finally let their walls down? Oh, it’s over for you. This is the type of person who, once they commit, they are ride-or-die, forever-loyal, protect-you-with-their-life type of love. They just need time to unlearn their bad habits first. The King of Cups energy in the mix tells me that they actually feel everything so intensely but have spent years repressing it. You are the one who teaches them how to be soft without feeling weak, how to be strong without needing control. And in return? They offer you a love that is stable, protective, and deeply emotional in a way that even you didn’t see coming. (This is that “strong arms, soft heart” kind of love, I just know it.)

This Love Story Is Worth It Because it’s real. It’s not some fairytale, effortless romance—it’s built on growth, deep emotional work, and trust. And that makes it unbreakable. they will be your fiercest protector. Once this person commits? It’s game over. No one messes with you.

So, Pile 2—tell me, does this feel like the kind of connection you’re ready for? Because if so, strap in. You’re about to experience a love that will change you forever.

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⊹₊⟡Pile III

TROPE-"THE CHARMING FLIRT WHO SECRETLY HAS A ONE-SIDED CRUSH ON YOU" TROPE

My cards just laid down a plot twist that even a K-drama writer would be jealous of😭🫶🏻 We’re talking slow burn "Wait… Do I like them?" This is the kind of love story that sneaks up on you, the one where you don’t realize you’re catching feelings until they hit you like a ton of bricks. And honestly? It’s giving "I was blind, but now I see" energy. The Cards Are Screaming: “WAKE UP, THIS IS LOVE” With 9 of Cups, Ace of Cups, and 4 of Cups sitting pretty in your pile, You know those rom-coms where one character is literally manifesting their dream person, but when they finally show up, they’re like, “Nah, this isn’t it”? Yeah, that’s you.(lol this cracked me up😭😂) Your future spouse? They’re exactly what you need, exactly what you’ve probably been subconsciously hoping for, but for some reason (probably emotional unavailability, let’s be real), you won’t notice it right away.9 of Cups is the ultimate “I got everything I ever wanted” card. This is a wish-fulfilment type of love. But here’s the catch—you might not realize this person is your wish come true until you’re deep in it. (Like, tell me why this is giving “friends-to-lovers but make it oblivious” energy??) Ace of Cups is the fresh start, the new love blooming, the emotional realization that oh crap, I actually have feelings. But because 4 of Cups is right there third-wheeling this spread, the universe is literally shaking you by the shoulders like, “HELLO?? ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING AT THIS??” What I’m seeing here is a dynamic where one of you (probably you, let’s be honest) is lowkey rejecting the idea of this connection at first. Maybe you’ll convince yourself that this is just a casual connection, or maybe you’ll be too focused on some irrelevant situationship (bestie, please let that go🫠). The 4 of Cups is like that meme of the guy ignoring the angel handing him a literal blessing, while he sits there all moody looking at his meh options. Like, do you want the love of your life, or do you want to keep entertaining people who don’t even know your Starbucks order??

There will be a moment—and this is key—where something shifts. maybe they pull away, and suddenly you’re panicking because WAIT why does it hurt?? (Oh, now you get it?? Took you long enough.) The Ace of Cups guarantees that the emotions will flow once you finally open the damn door to them. But will you? Or will you let this be a “what could’ve been” type of situation? This person is love in its purest form—but love isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s quiet, waiting for you to notice it. While doing this reading i remembered that one quote from insta which was “I Thought I Was Fine Until They Stopped Talking To Me, Now I’m in Shambles”

So now I gotta ask—who’s that one person in your life who makes you feel safe, happy, and understood… but you never really considered in “that way” before? Because the universe is pointing at them HARD right now. Just saying.

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Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I hope my reading resonated with you and that you had a lovely time going through it. If you enjoyed it, please like and reblog—it really means a lot! Let me know which pile you chose; I absolutely love hearing your thoughts and feedback on my readings! ♡

Note: tarot cards provide guidance and possible insights into what could happen based on current energies, thoughts, and actions. the cards can highlight potential paths or outcomes, but they do not predict the future in a fixed way. this is a general reading so take what resonates!

[bootmilk]

ৎ୭ ₊ ˙ ⊹ . diluc’s name. smut . sheノher — x reader ノ punishment . brat taming . glove kink ノ ass slapping ノ orgasm control . degradationノ blocking minors and blank or ageless blogs…

Diluc had told you—warned you—not to call him that.

And yet, you kept doing it.

At first, it was innocent—shy, polite, the way you always murmured “Yes, sir” whenever he gave you a simple request, your eyes downcast, voice barely above a whisper. He had corrected you gently the first time.

“Just Diluc is fine.”

But you never stopped.

And worse? It was getting more deliberate. The way you’d bite your lip before saying it, the way your breath hitched, the way your fingers fidgeted with your skirt when you whispered it like you knew what it did to him.

Like you knew the way it made his cock throb in his trousers.

So now? Now, he had you pinned—your soft, pliant body bent over the grand mahogany desk in the Dawn Winery’s office, your wrists bound behind your back with his own cravat, your breath hitching with every slow, teasing drag of his gloved fingers over your trembling thighs.

“You really don’t listen, do you?” Diluc’s voice was low, controlled, but there was a dangerous edge to it, heat coiling beneath every syllable.

You swallowed hard, squirming slightly, your hips shifting as if trying to escape the weight of his presence behind you. “I—”

A sharp smack landed on your ass, his gloved palm striking against the soft flesh, making you yelp.

“Ah-ah,” he murmured, his voice deceptively calm. “Answer me properly.”

You shivered, your breath catching in your throat, your fingers curling helplessly behind your back. “…N-No, sir—”

Smack.

“Tch.” Diluc clicked his tongue, his other hand pressing down between your shoulder blades, keeping you firmly in place. “There you go again.”

You whimpered, your thighs trembling, heat pooling in your stomach as your mind swam with the discipline in his voice, the way his fingers dug into your waist, his grip unrelenting.

“You just like pushing me, don’t you?” he mused, his voice thick with something dark, something possessive. “You know how much I hate being called that, and yet…”

He leaned down, his breath hot against your ear, his tone dropping into something low, gravelly.

“It makes my cock hard every time you say it.”

Your entire body shuddered, a soft, breathy moan slipping past your lips before you could stop it.

Diluc chuckled—a low, dangerous sound.

“I should ruin you for it,” he murmured, his gloved fingers sliding lower, pressing right against your soaked, aching core. “Should fuck you so hard you forget how to speak at all.”

His fingers teased you, featherlight strokes against your slick folds, his other hand gripping your waist tighter, controlling every tiny movement you made.

“And yet,” he sighed, almost disappointed, “you’d still find a way to moan it, wouldn’t you?”

You nodded frantically, your thighs squeezing together, your voice breathless, needy, utterly wrecked. “Y-Yes, sir—”

Smack.

This time, when his hand landed, it wasn’t just punishment. It was a promise.

His grip on your throat tightened just slightly, his gloved fingers pressing against your pulse, feeling the way your heartbeat raced under his touch. “Count,” he commanded, his voice sharp, low, his cock pressing hard against your soaked entrance, teasing, taunting.

Your breath hitched, your entire body shuddering in anticipation. “W-What?”

Diluc snarled.

“Count how many times I make you cum,” he growled, his patience wearing thin, his hips rolling against you, coating his cock in your slick without giving you the relief you desperately needed. “Maybe if you hit ten, I’ll consider stopping.”

Your eyes widened, a shuddering whimper slipping past your lips. “T-Ten?”

A dark, amused chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Maybe more, if you’re good.”

And then, without another word, he thrust.

You screamed, your wrists jerking in the silken restraints as his thick cock split you open, stretching you perfectly, hitting so fucking deep on the first stroke that your knees nearly buckled beneath you.

“That’s one,” Diluc murmured, his tone darkly amused, as if he knew you were already gone, already trembling, already losing yourself completely in the way he filled you, ruined you.

Your mouth hung open, panting, your fingers curling into helpless fists behind your back as he set the pace, his thrusts brutal, his hips snapping against yours with enough force to make the heavy oak desk beneath you creak.

“F-Fuck—Diluc—”

Smack.

His palm landed on your ass again, hard, his cock twitching inside you at the way your walls fluttered around him. “Try again,” he growled, his breath hot against your ear, his pace never faltering.

“S-Sir—” you sobbed, unable to help yourself, your back arching, your body tightening around him as your vision blurred with pleasure.

Diluc grunted, his gloved fingers digging into your waist, his cock slamming deep, deep, each thrust making your entire body shake. “That’s two,” he murmured, his tone all sharp arrogance, all dominance, his pace unrelenting. “At this rate, you’ll be begging for more before we even reach five.”

You whimpered, your thighs trembling, your mind slipping into a haze of pure, raw pleasure. Your body was already soaked, your slick dripping down your thighs, pooling between your legs, making every deep, filthy thrust even louder, messier.

Diluc groaned, his jaw clenching, his pace never slowing, his breathing turning rougher, harder, his cock throbbing inside you as he felt you tense again—your walls squeezing tight, your legs twitching as you were pushed to the edge again.

“That’s three,” he muttered, his voice thick with something dangerous, something possessive, as he rolled his hips, hitting that spot that made you cry out, your body convulsing, completely helpless in his grip.

You didn’t know how much time passed, how many times he forced you to cum—each orgasm wracking through you like a violent storm, each thrust shoving you further into a pleasure-drunk haze—but by the time your mind even registered his voice again, he was still going, his gloved fingers forcing your head back, making you look at him.

“How many?” he growled, his sharp crimson eyes burning, his breath ragged, his cock still pounding into you, stretching you wide, filling you completely. “Tell me, brat—how many times have I made you cum?”

You sobbed, your vision blurry, your entire body wrecked, barely able to speak. “I—I lost count—”

Diluc smirked, his expression dark, satisfied.

“Good,” he murmured, his fingers trailing up your throat, his thumb pressing against your parted lips, making you suck in a shaky, broken breath. “Then maybe next time, you’ll listen when I tell you to stop calling me that.”

His cock slammed into you one last time, his body tensing against yours as he groaned, his voice rough, deep, his grip crushing as he finally, finally spilled inside you, filling you completely, his entire body shuddering from the force of it.

The room was silent, save for the sound of your ragged breathing, the slow, lazy drag of his fingers over your trembling thighs, soothing you, grounding you.

And then, after a long, slow pause, as you lay there—completely spent, your body still twitching from the aftershocks—you let out one last, tiny, breathless whisper.

“T-Thank you, sir…”

Diluc sighed.

And spanked you again.

[infinitatis-ink]

Made With Love

Gojo x Reader - Ao3 Link 

Summary: After giving your coworker the obligatory Valentine's Day chocolates, he insists on giving you a return gift. Little do you know that his gift has his own special and personal touch to it.

A/N: Happy belated Valentine's Day! I'm a little late lol, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Other Notes: In Japan, giri chocolates are chocolates given by women to male coworkers or friends on Valentine's Day to express friendship or gratitude.

Content Warnings: Implied obsessive behaviour, implications that Gojo's been stalking you, Gojo feeding you his cum without your knowledge, bodily fluids, Gojo being creepy towards you, female reader.

MDNI. MINORS AND BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

“Oho, a gift for me? This really is a holiday!”

“Just take the chocolates, Gojo.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes as you hold out a small bag of chocolates to Gojo. In hindsight, you shouldn’t have stalled until the end of the day to give Gojo his share of giri chocolates. At least you could’ve avoided seeing his dramatic declarations of thanks with excuses of work if you’d done it in the morning. Now that it’s just the two of you in the school's offices, you doubt Gojo's going to let you go with just a “thank you.” 

“If you insist!”

Gojo plucks the bag out of your grasp with an exaggerated sweep of his arm. His fingers linger against yours, pressing into them, and you’re parting your lips when he pulls away with a satisfied smile. Pinpricks bloom in the spots his fingers had touched yours as you watch him pull down his blindfold and delicately cradle the bag in his hand. He takes out a chocolate, gazing at it before popping it into his mouth with a loud hum.  

“Delicious.” Gojo licks his lips. “And homemade too?”

His eyes are shining too. You've seen that look before, in the way Gojo only follows you on missions, in all the times he keeps getting you to help him provide “hands-on demonstrations” while he’s training his students, in how he always finds you outside of work, your paths crossing too many times for you to call it a coincidence anymore. It’s tinged with hunger, like you're his target for something you can’t seem to name.

“Yeah. I wanted to try making everyone’s chocolates this time,” you say, trying to keep your tone light. “I’m glad you liked it too.”

Gojo’s smile flickers. 

“Is that so?”

You furrow your brows. Gojo’s never reacted like this when you gave him chocolates before. Ieiri always gave him giri chocolate too, and he’d never made…a show of receiving and trying her chocolates on the spot. 

An awkward silence engulfs the room. Gojo's still gazing at you intently, as though he were expecting you to say something more. Against the setting sun, the shadows on his face grow sharper, deeper.

The room suddenly feels colder. 

“Um, I’m heading out then. Night,” you stammer out, hastily grabbing your stuff from your desk. Relief washes over you as you make your way out of the room. Now that you’d gotten that out of the way, you could go home and— 

”Wait! There’s something I wanna give you too.” 

You stop, a few steps away from the door, willing yourself to turn and face him again.  

“What is it?” 

Gojo grins and reaches into his jacket pocket. He takes out a small white box topped with a blue bow, the same shade as his eyes, and offers it to you with a flourish. “I made some chocolates for you! As a thanks for the ones you gave me all these years.” 

This is new. You raise an eyebrow. 

“White Day isn't for another month.”

“Yeah, but you know me.” He shrugs and flashes you a cheeky grin. “I've never cared for tradition.”

“I appreciate it, but you didn’t have to—”

“C'mon,” Gojo half-whines, pouting. “I stayed up all night to get it right!” 

He offers you the box again, giving it an insistent shake this time. He gazes at you expectantly, his pout hardening into a pursed frown the longer you hesitate. Something heavy crackles in the air, like a gathering storm. 

You dry swallow and stiffly hold out your hand. 

“Thanks, Gojo.”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen Gojo look so pleased as when you accept the box. To be honest, you’d half-expected a more unusual gift. Something like a souvenir he’d picked up on one of his missions, or dessert from one of the cafes he keeps trying to get you to visit with him. Handmade chocolates feel too friendly for what's supposed to be a return gift from a coworker.

“Wanna try one?” he asks eagerly. The edge in his tone only leaves room for one answer.  

Your fingers are cold and numb as you open the box to see large white chocolates shaped like hearts and drizzled with brown icing lined up in neat rows. They look professionally made, like something you’d find in a luxury goods store. It’s a lot of effort put into what’s supposed to be a return gift for giri chocolates. 

Too much effort.

“They look nice,” you comment politely. “And well made.”

“That’s because I made them with my love!” Gojo chirps, clapping his hands. His smile is painfully wide and uncanny. “I used your favourite flavours too. You’re a fan of fruits, yeah?”

A knot forms in your stomach. You don’t think you’ve mentioned to him what your chocolate preferences are. Maybe he guessed it from your reactions on White Day, but you’ve never been picky about what you got. Despite his antics, he’s always been an observant person too, so there was that, you suppose. 

“…I am, I guess,” you reply. You pick up one of the chocolates, turning it over with your fingers. Gojo’s only asking you to try one piece. You could play along for a little longer, couldn’t you?

Before you could regret your decision, you take a bite of the chocolate. It’s sweet and milky, with a smooth coating that melts away when you bite into it. You wonder how much time Gojo spent on this, because it has to have taken more than a night for him to—  

A sharp, strange taste suddenly assaults your tongue, and you almost choke. It's salty and bitter, like the filling has gone bad, and every instinct in your body screams for you to spit it out, but you force yourself to swallow because Gojo’s still watching you. The bitter taste clings to your mouth and throat, drowning out everything else until it’s all you can breathe in too. 

You look down at the half-eaten chocolate still in your hand. Filling drips out of the shell, thin and cloudy white, trickling down your fingers in droplets.

You wish the ground would swallow you up whole. 

“What did you put in them?” you rasp. Your voice sounds alien to your own ears and you don’t know if you want to hear the answer anymore.

Gojo’s eyes bore into you, his gaze threatening to swallow you whole. His smile turns hungry, almost feral. Too late, you see the walls closing in on you.

“Like I said,” he says simply. “They’re made with my love.”

[mashkatzi]

I saw this request on the lovely @vershautece blog so all credit goes to the anon who asked. Again this is NOT my idea!!! Also I have not written any sort of smut since Wattpad days so please bare with… and this is my first tumblr post!! This turned out wayyy longer than I intended, whoops.

also he litterally looks delicious in this picture. AGHH i could eat him.

Receiving a call from your ex while you’re fucking Luigi. He answers the phone and tells you to speak 🫣.

Luigi shifts under you. You’re straddling his lap grinding into him. “Hmm you want me to…?” he begins. “Yes yes please, I need you” you reply without hearing the end of his question. You’ve been making out in bed for a few minutes. You’re so turned on you feel the wetness pooling between your legs and feel Luigi harden under you. You kiss him again. Hard. Your teeth clank together and you pull back horrified. “Omg sorry did I hurt you?” You place your hands over your mouth embarrassed at how desperate you’re acting. Luigi does nothing but laugh. “Hahah it’s ok, baby” he says tilting his head to the side. His expression is cocky. He loves how desperate and needy he makes you. He knows no one else makes you feel this way and it turns him on. You laugh out of relief, dropping your hands and go back to kissing him, softer this time. You place your hands onto Luigi’s broad shoulders and his hands are on your ass, kneading at the supple flesh.

“More” you whine. “Need more”. You’re grinding down harder onto Luigi’s clothed pelvis trying desperately to ease the pressure down below. You arch your back, the seam of your sweats rubbing deliciously on your clit. You rock back and forth small mewls slipping from your mouth in between each kiss. Luigi moves to kiss down your cheek to your neck and slowly pulls the neckline of your top down to reveal your breast. “This ok?” He places a small kiss on your collarbone looking up at you. Your eyes catch his and you hum in response. Your hands are still resting on his shoulders, supporting you, while you rock back and forth. “Say it” he kisses the same spot on your collarbone. “Need to hear you say it.” He gets off on making you wait. He loves seeing you needy and whiny, making you so desperate you’d do whatever he tells you to. “Y- yes” you manage to get out between gritted teeth. He hesitates a moment before deciding that he’s satisfied with your response. He won’t make you wait any longer. He kisses your boob, just above the nipple.  And kisses slightly lower but not low enough. A moan slips through your lips. “Mm yeah” you encourage him. You move one hand to rest on his head, interlocking your fingers between his curls. You use the hand to push his head down. He moves his mouth down, enveloping your whole nipple in his warm mouth. He sucks hard, moving his tongue around massaging your hard nipple.  He moves and grabs the other boob and begins rolling your nipple between his fingers. He stays this way a few moments and your rocking slows to a halt. You let out small whines and moans encouraging him. Both your hands are in his hair now, grabbing, pulling and scratching. “You’re so whiny, baby” Luigi pulls away with a grin. “So so whiny” he continues. You’re so turned on you could cry. You look down at him and let out a breathy laugh which turns into a moan. You’re so frustrated with his teasing you grasp a chunk of his hair and pull hard. “Mmmm please” you throw your head back, rolling your hips against his once more so desperate to feel some sort of pleasure. Luigi is taken aback by this show of neediness. His head jerks back while you pull and he winces. You feel his dick twitch under you. “F-fuck ok” he lets out. He reaches out for your hand and untangles your fingers from his hair. He leans in close and whispers “take your clothes off” flashing his incisors.

Upon hearing this you scramble off of him desperately pulling off your pyjama pants and oversized t shirt. “Leave them on” he instructs, before you can pull your panties off. He moves to remove his blue Bali t-shirt, discarding it on the floor. He keeps his boxers on and you notice how hard he is under them. the outline of his dick is obvious as it strains against the fabric of his boxers. He gets up on his knees on the bed, patting the space he was sitting on, inviting you over. You lie down in his space. Your knees bent slightly, feet planted on the mattress, legs spread. Your hands resting on your sides. He takes a moment admiring you, deciding where to begin. He wants to ravage you, savour you, devour you. He enjoys making you feel good. It brings him pleasure. Feeling you come undone under him. He enjoys fucking you, slowly and passionately. Feeling the change in you. Growing desperate and needy to the point of submission. He gets you to a place no man has been able to.

You know what’s about to come. You see it in his eyes. The way they twinkle. His breath is heavy and his eyes wander over your body. He tilts his head as if sizing you up, ready to eat you. You enjoy this. The waiting. Waiting for him to decide what to do with you. How to pleasure you. How to enjoy you. You feel breathless, your chest rising and falling. You place one hand on your upper thigh and drag it slowly upwards. Dragging it over your clothed pelvis, up over your belly button and let it rest on your tit. You squeeze, kneeling slowly. Your nipples are sensitive from Luigi’s mouth so you go slow not to overstimulate yourself. “Come on, touch me” you encourage Luigi to begin. You don’t want to beg. Not just yet. He still doesn’t move so you reach out, tenderly, holding his hand and bringing it to rest over your mound. You half expected him to smack your hand away and make you wait. He slides one long finger over your slit. Up and down. He can feel the wetness leaking out, dampening your panties. “Soo so wet. All for me, baby?” He adjusts so that he’s lying on his side, one hand on you, the other arm propping him up. He runs his slender fingers over the elastic of your panties. “Mhm all for you” you let out. He dips one finger in, extending it to rub small circles over your clit. Your hips buck upwards and a moan leaves your lips. Much louder than you care to admit. He adds another finger, collecting your wetness and using it to rub your clit faster and harder. Your high pitched whines fill the room along with the lewd noises coming from between your legs.

Luigi slips one finger into you and then quickly follows with another. “Getting you ready f’me” he says, brushing his fingers against the spongy spot inside you. Luigi is big and he knows it. He keeps his thumb on your clit, rubbing much slower. Your whines turn to moans, almost growls as you grow more and more desperate for him. For his dick. Inside you. He picks up the pace, and you feel as though you can cum just from his fingers alone. "yeah, let me hear you" He leans over, locking his lips to yours. You kiss him back reaching your free hand to rub the fabric over his dick. A small wet patch formed at his tip from pre cum. You continue palming at his dick before he lets out a low groan. "That's good, baby". He takes such good care of you. Such care goes into making sure you feel good. You sometimes forget he also deserves to feel just as good.

Luigi removes his fingers and pushes your panties to the side. "pretty" he whispers, admiring your pussy. Luigi leans down and places a small kiss to your swollen clit. You arch your back "ohh fuck" you close your eyes and tip your head back, further into the pillow. He knows he has teased you enough. He slips off the bed to remove his boxers. He stands before you, pumping his dick in his big hands, spreading the precum over his tip. You're already so wet for him. You look over at him, hair disheveled, your lips red and puffy spread into a wide smile. you reach out a hand, inviting him back to bed. Inviting him back to fuck you. Taking your hand, he climbs back into the bed, placing his body on top of yours. His hips slit into the space between your legs, almost perfectly. Almost as though your bodies were made that way. Without hesitation he pushes into you, a small gasp leaving his mouth. You, on the other hand, let out a loud moan. "mmm fuck lu". "Tell me when" he says, brushing a lock of hair away from your face. He waits a moment for you to adjust to the stretch. You'll never get over this feeling. No matter how many times he fucks you, you will never not enjoy the stretch from his thick member. the pressure building again from the thick tip pushing against the spongy sensitive spot inside you. "ok ready" you wrap your arms around Luigi's neck, ready for him to begin pounding into you. He waits a moment before moving his hips. Moving his dick slowly out of you and then pushing in again. He does this again, making sure that you are ready and comfortable. "Shit, so good" you moan. The slow strokes feel euphoric. "Gripping me so tight" Luigi spits out as he picks up the pace. His hands reach up to hold your head up. His hands holding your head up as he kisses your lips, your cheeks, your nose. You can't form any thoughts as he picks up the pace, bottoming out in you, the familiar feeling of his dick hitting your cervix causes you to moan out. It hurts but in the best way. Luigi is practically pounding into you. The sound of skin hitting skin fills your ears and you feel sweat gathering at the base of your spine. You're moaning like a porn star and he's filling your ears with the most disgusting things. "You like that hmmm? You like when I'm pounding into you?" his words go straight to your pussy, gripping him like a vice. You can feel the thick vein that runs along his shaft rubbing against your gummy walls. "answer me baby, tell me you like it" "oh y-yes. Fuck I love it lu!" you practically scream out, fearing he might stop if you don't answer him. "that's my pretty gir-" before he can complete his sentence, he spots something, slowing his pace. You feel the change in pace and reach your hands to grab at his lower back, attempting to speed him up.

"Noo keep going" you look up at him and realise something has caught his attention. You follow his eyeline to your phone resting on the nightstand. You notice the familiar pattern of the vibration. You are getting a phone call. "ugh forget it baby" you say. "I'll call them back, whoever it is" you whine out, desperate for him to continue. Luigi reaches for the phone, holding it up so you can see the screen.

incoming call from - Devil Man 👹

Shit. Your toxic ex recently got a hold of your new number. He had called you twice this past week begging to meet up with you, telling you to leave Luigi and go back to him. You hadn't mentioned it to Luigi out of fear he would march over to his house and beat the living shit out of him. Not that your ex doesn't deserve it and you know that Luigi is perfectly capable of doing so, with all the hours he's put into the gym and the years of taekwondo training. You just didn't want Luigi to get into any trouble. Not over that worthless dog.

"Why not just answer it now?" Luigi says with a cheeky grin. Before you can protest, he presses the circular green button, connecting the call. he places the phone on speaker and you hear the familiar sound of your ex boyfriends voice. "y/n i'm so glad you answered". You're eyes are wide with shock, you're shaking your head at luigi questioning what on Earth made him answer the phone. He mouths one single word, "speak" before continuing his brutal pace. You cover your mouth not just out of shock but also to avoid a moan escaping your mouth. "y/n? You there?" Luigi brings the phone closer to you, you manage to mumble a small "yeah" into the general direction of the phone. All you can focus on is Luigi. hovering above you with the biggest smile ever. His dick is pounding into you, bottoming out with every stroke. You feel every inch, every vein brushing against the inside of your walls. He moves your hand away from your mouth, giving you a look to indicate you can do better than that. "oh good you're there. look can i come over?" your ex asks. Luigi scoffs at the request and then signals with his hands encouraging you to play along. "well no, i'm k- kind of busy." You let out shakily. Luigi showed no signs of slowing down. In Fact he reaches down between your naked bodies and slaps your clit. It's a light slap but enough to make you yelp. "what was that? Where are you right now?" your ex begins to question you. "nothing i j- just... Nothing." You're struggling to keep your composure. Luigi smiles then begins rubbing slowly on your clit. The wave of pleasure causes you to let out a low moan. You look at luigi, pleading with your eyes to let up but he shows so signs of slowing down. "come on, i promise i can make you feel way better than that loser you're seeing now. What's his name? Mario?" Hearing your ex talk about Luigi in that way makes your blood boil. Luigi's pace becomes teasingly slow, resulting in him pushing into you so deep and then slowly moving out. His tip teases your cervix every time he pushes in, causing your eyes to roll back. Trying not to scream, you reply "I doubt that.. and it's LUIGI." You look at him and he couldn't be prouder. He presses the mute button on the phone and whispers "keep going, gonna make you cum, baby." in your ear. You press unmute and hear your ex rambling on about how good he can fuck you and about how much more money he makes. "Come on, sweetheart. Please I want you back, I fucked up, ok? Just let me prove to you I'm a changed man." You're so certain he's crying right now and the thought of your slimy ex crying on the phone begging to fuck you whilst the most perfect man is on top of you fucking you so deliciously, makes you want to cum. Luigi is finding humour in listening to him begging you to fuck him, he's shaking his head and smiling, poking his tonge into the side of his cheek, as though he can't belive the audacity of your ex. Luigi moves his hand away from your clit and reaches for the headboard as he braces himself to start pounding into you again. You let out a small whine in anticipation. "Wait are you..." you hear on the phone "what is that noise? Are you with him right now?" Luigi begins pounding into you again, the noise of skin hitting skin fills the room, filtering through the phone's mic. You let out another moan and Luigi grabs your phone. "Sorry bro, she's kinda busy right now" frat boy luigi makes an appearance, speaking into the phone with the biggest grin plastered onto his face. "y/n what is-" before your ex can finish, luigi cuts the call, tosses your phone and turns to you. "fuckk you're all mine" he says reaching once again between your bodies down towards your clit. "All yours" you moan.

A small part of you wishes your ex stayed on the call long enough to hear you cum. especially since most of the time you had to fake it with him. Luigi makes you cum every single time. He takes the time to learn what you like and what makes you feel good. He prides himself on knowing every part of you. And you fall more and more in love with him every time.

Luigi’s bullying pace compared to the gentle touch on your clit is driving you crazy. Your arms are wrapped around his neck, your nails digging into his upper back.  A small tear runs down your cheek as you practically scream out "yes. FUCK yes. oh right there" you're so consumed by him. Every nerve on your body is screaming, every hair on your body stood on end. your legs begin to shake as you feel the familiar tightness in your lower belly. You press your palm down on your belly to feel Luigi filling you so deep. "yes baby, f- fuck stay there, gonna- gonna make you cum" you can tell that Luigi is just as close. His eyes are screwed shut and his head tilted upwards. Seeing him in this state pushes you over the edge. The muscles in your legs contract and you dig your nails into Luigi's back, sure to leave a mark. Your eyes screw shut and you scream out Luigi's name. "cumming" is all you can muster. "Yeah, let it out, my pretty girl," he says. You're panting trying to regain your breath. Luigi cums straight after, gasping then letting out a low string of groans as he repeats your name like a prayer "y/n. y/n so perfect" he says spilling into you. You feel him twitching as he stills inside of you. He's coming down from his high and presses his sweaty forehead against yours, smiling. "fuck, I love you so much" you say placing a peck on his lips. "Hmm, I love you too," he says after pulling away. "no one makes me feel as good as you do" you admit to him

Luigi rolls his body off yours and onto the bed next to you. "Let me take care of you" he pulls you into him. your head resting on his chest, his muscly arms wrapped around your frame. fingers stroking your skin "my perfect girl" he sighs into you. You hum in pleasure. There's nowhere else you'd rather be right now.

[irregularcollapse]

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about how you feel about the mota fandom and what happened to you :/ I meant to send a message earlier but life got in the way. I hope you're feeling better now, and I can only tell you that your fics and writing are some of my favorite in the fandom. Just by reading your stories, I can tell the care that was put into choosing each word to best convey the story and the characters' feelings, and it is really somethinf I admire :) I hope I can be as good a writer as you someday ❤️ And for the mota fandom, I totally get what you and that anon said! If you'll allow me a bit of a rant, to me, the mota fandom is full of well-intentioned people but I found that one of its problems is that, as much as there is enthusiasm, it is going in circles. Many have said it and I've noticed it too, but some have a tendency to jump on other people's ideas without giving credit or even asking if it's okay to expand, and on more than one occasion I found one of my ideas in someone else's inbox just a week after I'd posted it which threw me off posting any kinds of hc or random ideas, I only post full fics now because I'm scared that people will see an idea/au that they like on my blog and decide to expand on it without my consent or even crediting me for the original idea :/ To me that sucks because what I love about creating is the interactions with people, but because of the seldom posting except for full fics I don't get much 😂 And I know I could post snippet or hc, but the overenthusiasm bordering on no fandom manners that I've noticed stops me from doing that. Also, as a writer, it is quite discouraging to see people constantly reccing the same 5/6 fics/authors. Don't get me wrong, those are GREAT fics and authors, but babes, there are over 1,000 works in the clegan tag on ao3, why are we constantly reccing the same fics as in summer 2024. It feels like people only read the fics with the highest hits count, and from an outsider's pov, you'd think there are only 10 writers in the mota fandom 😭 I don't if it's bc the mota fandom is new so there are a lots of people from tiktok/that weren't on tumblr/in fandom before but it truly feels like fandom manners are getting lost, despite the plethora of incredible creators in the mota fandom. So there's this opposition between the enthusiasm over new ideas that seems to die down as soon as a story is posted, except if if it's one of the big fics from the summer. Imo the actual recognition of fics doesn't follow the enthusiasm of ideas and hcs, which is a bit of a shame I think, and to be quite honest, it made me lose my motivation to write for mota bc it just feels like I'll post a fic, it'll get traction for maybe a day or two, and then it'll be forgotten somewhere when people sort ao3 by number of hits or kudos

Anyway that was quite long I'm sorry, you don't have to answer this at all, I just needed to get this off my chest, but I really hope you know that even if it may not feel that way, you are an amazing writer, who clearly loves your stories, the characters and the words you use, and that is translated to the ao3 page <3 You truly are one of the most talented fic writers this fandom has, and I'd support you and your stories in whatever fandom you may be in ❤️

I assure you, anon, that you're not the only person to feel this way! I've had quite a few private conversations with friends and mutuals about really similar experiences and observations, and how disheartened and uncomfortable it's making us feel.

I guess people don't say anything because they don't want to be seen as sowing discord or being mean. I know that there are going to be people who might see this and interpret it as me "fuelling fandom discourse" or "fandom wanking" or "being a cunt" but actually I'm just talking about how we treat creators in online spaces, and the way that people en masse have apparently forgotten that creators in fandoms are people.

I had another anon tell me that someone laid claim to one of their ideas in the tags of their headcanon post, and I don't think you're the only person whose idea has been stolen and passed to another writer. I'm really sorry that's happened to you, and you're so right to not feel like posting anything because of it! This is truly the kind of stuff that makes people not want to participate or put themselves out there. Sometimes it's even writers doing the stealing, blatantly and without credit. It makes me think that a lot of people haven't shared creative spaces before and don't know how to be polite.

I also 100% agree about the fic rec thing. It's really disheartening to see the same fics passed around over and over again, not only from a writer perspective but a reader perspective. Something that seems to have emerged in fandom spaces over the years is deifying certain authors of popular fics - fic authors being treated like celebrities, the concept of a "must-read fic", even people only reading fics and authors that are already seen as popular/successful. I get that some people don't want to spend time scraping ao3 for niche fics, that's super understandable, but that's also why it would be nice to see a bit more adventure and variety in fic rec lists!

There is a low-key competitive feeling which a few people have mentioned to me - the feeling that there are people who want to "win" fandom or be the most popular/most reccd/most recognised writer, or whatever it may be. I just feel like anything that makes people feel like they're better than others is... come si dice... not good. I think it's a shitty way to treat people you're sharing a creative space with, to view them as competition and commodity.

Writing for consumption or writing for audience approval isn't something I've ever done, but I feel like it's cropping up more and more in fandom spaces too - not just MOTA, either. That's sort of a different discussion, but I do feel it's related to the copying/stealing in a way as well.

Now I also have to apologise for this getting too long! I'm glad you got it off your chest, and please feel free to come off anon at any time, because you've got an ally in me (and others too, I assure you). I think that everything you've said here merits consideration from everyone, at the very very least! It's in the interest of pursuing a more inclusive, supportive fandom space.

Thanks heaps as well for saying nice stuff about my writing! I only ever want to tell stories, and to give people something to enjoy that has clearly been created with care and consideration. I write to express things I want to express, and so it means a lot to me when other people see what I'm trying to say and pick up what I'm putting down. Truly madly deeply, my most boundless thanks!!! ♥️♥️♥️

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Does anyone actually say that Ladybug and Adrien are fake somehow?

Yeah, people absolutely have that take. It's what spawned the original post. One too many fics and shipping poles that treated Marinette and Chat Noir as somehow wrong for their crushes. (I apparently read fast. My ML fic's read count is in the thousands at this point. It's enough to let me notice trends that bug me whereas one fic would just be a shrug and move on thing.) On the Adreinette side you get, "Chat Noir is the true Adrien! Civilian Adrien is just a mask! Marinette only loves the fake Adrien so she doesn't deserve him!"

Chat Noir gets less flak, but I've seen it enough to know it's very much a thing. There's a reason Marichat wins out over Ladynoir in almost every poll. If you ever see one, read the comments for the logic and you'll see what I mean. People with this view seem to think things like, "Chat Noir doesn't really love Marinette because Ladybug isn't stuttery and awkward around him! He has to love her when she's a mess!"

This kind of thing is so popular that I had to stop reading fics that paired Marinette with other people because the "Marinette is the true version" thing showed up all the freaking time. So many of these fics felt less like shipping stories and more like Adrien bashing where he was punished for liking Ladybug and not Marinette. It was draining. Even my favorite one has a scene to make sure Adrien feels bad for missing what he could have had and it's a freaking no powers AU!

I actually had a really lovely conversation about this topic when the blog was young because this is one that gets under my skin whenever I come across it and I occasionally need to vent a bit. The kind person who indulged my annoyance straight up said that they used to think that the square "have to fall in love as Marichat bc that's when they can be real with each other." Which was not a stance that was unique to them by any means. They were just validating my first-hand observations of the way SOME people view the ship/characters.

There is a version of the true selves stuff that's genuinely sweet though. It's the version you basically summed up where it's less about these two being the "true" versions and more about Marichat letting the two get to know each other without the pressure of the crushes complicating things. After all, the canon square is only a few hours removed from love at first sight which certainly adds pressure that Marichat removes. The existence of this version that means I don't hate Marichat or even the words "true self", I'm just warry when I see them as I never know what I'm about to see.

While I get why canon's near insta love and subsequent writing issues would draw a person to Marichat, I'll also once again argue that the issue at hand isn't the various ship dynamics, it's canon's writing as the awkward Marichat arc shows. Even though the crushes only flipped after four whole season, canon Marichat doesn't feel any deeper than canon Adrienette or canon Ladynoir. It's played incredibly superficial and doesn't even bother to acknowledge that Chat Noir and Marinette have a functional friendship as established in episodes like Evillustrator, Glaciator, and Glaciator 2. Elation writes Marichat as if they've never interacted before and Chat Noir is just going on a date with a fan he's never officially met. Passion writes Ladynoir as awkwardly as Adrienette always was. Ladybug's months of platonic partnership did nothing to change how she acts when she has a crush or how successful she is at confessing.

In a better show, canon's Marichat arc would be used to set up Adrienette as a more solid couple. Marichat would allow Adrien to see that Marinette loves him even when he's being goofy, but they'd agree to not date because a hero and a civilian dating is too risky. Then Adrienette would happen and, oh look, Adrien can occasionally crack jokes and be silly because he knows Marinette can love him even when he's at his most Chat Noir in addition to being his most Adrien. Marinette is a little surprised, but fine with it. Canon doesn't go there though. As far as the show is concerned, Marichat essentially never happened. It was a one-off fever dream both characters completely forgot. Canon Adrienette has Adrien playing the perfect flawless boyfriend who never annoys Marinette with his jokes.

In summary, that post wasn't about saying that Marichat is bad or unhealthy or that there's no version of the true selves thing that's cute. It was me venting a bit after seeing one too many instances of people acting like Ladrien, Ladynoir, and Adrienette could never be healthy because friends to lovers is some sort of golden standard when it's absolutely not. It's a neutral preference. Each side is fine. What matters is how you write it.

Why the "True Selves" Theory is Insulting

Image for a second that you have a friend who's a bit of a ditz. She's also fun, creative, and sweet. You enjoy being around her, but you've never seen her as more than a friend. Then, one day, a fire breaks out at an event that you and your friend are attending. Your lives are suddenly in mortal peril and the same goes for everyone around you because you can't find the exit. You think that you're going to die.

Then, suddenly, your friend transforms. Not in a magical way, it's just a personality shift, but it might as well be magical because it's like nothing you've ever seen! The ditziness is gone, replaced by laser focus and a take-charge attitude that has everyone following your friend without question. When all is said and done, everyone lives because of you friend. As it turns out, her tendency to get easily distracted means that she's a fantastic in-the-moment problem solver.

Going through that completely changes how you see this girl. You no longer just like her, no, you're now deeply in love with her. You tell a mutual friend about this and they laugh at you, then say, "Don't be silly, that wasn't really her! Her true self isn't that brave girl who saved your life! That was special circumstances that don't count. All that counts is the way she acts when there isn't a crisis going on. It doesn't matter that you've always liked her and enjoyed her company, if you didn't fall in love with based solely on her ditzy self, then you don't really love her."

Most people would call this mutual friend insane because of course going through crazy experiences changes the way we view people! Imagine if you had an allergic reaction and your significant other's reaction was to panic and run away, leaving you to die. You only live because you manage to grab your phone and call '911.' That would understandably lead many people to reassess if this is the person they want to spend their life with just like the opposite experience might make you see a person as a good life partner.

Marinette is Ladybug. She gets full credit for everything she's done in the suit and it's perfectly fine for Adrien to become attracted to her after he sees her in action. It doesn't mean that he only values her Ladybug side. He quite clearly cares for Marinette, he just hasn't seen her in the right light for him to fall in love. (And, if we're being frank, Marinette acts like Ladybug all the time when he's not around or when he is around, but a crisis is going on. She's really not that different from her alter ego.)

Along similar lines, Marinette isn't wrong for being drawn to Adrien's sweeter side more than his over-the-top jokey side. There's a reason why Glaciator ended with her blushing. Compare the end of Glaciator to the end of Origins and, yeah, same energy because - in that moment - Chat Noir was letting his Adrien side out by being more sincere and vulnerable, which are the things that Marinette values most in a romance and the things that he rarely shows while in the mask. It doesn't mean that she hates his jokey side, it's just not going to win her heart when Adrien's right there being sweet and sincere while Chat Noir hides his feelings behind a smile and a laugh.

In fact, it's pretty insulting to Adrien to say that someone shouldn't be attracted to his more vulnerable side. That his sincerity is worth less than his jokes. Almost as insulting as telling Marinette that her Ladybug side doesn't count and she should get no credit for being brave as that's not really her. Loving her only counts if a person falls in love while she's behaving in her most over-the-top, cringe, embarrassing way.

I don't know about you, but I would never want someone to hold me to that standard nor would I hold my significant other to that standard! It's perfectly normal to have things that you don't love about your significant other. In fact, I'd argue that part of the magic of a real, lasting romance is having someone who loves you even though you're not perfect. If you are looking for a partner who never annoys you or does something wrong, then you will never find happiness because that person does not exist.

Now that I've said all of that, I want to add that I do think that marichat, "love both sides" stories can be cute. It's just not One True Path to Real Love. It's totally fine if the square starts dating based on the things that they find attractive about each other and then just continue to be in love as they learn about the other side. If anything, that's normal. Learning about a person is what dating is all about! A good relationship is no different than a good friendship, you just get some bonus perks if you're into that kind of thing.

I'll also note that I'm not criticizing stories where Marinette feels like she's the "real" version and Ladybug is the fake because that's a really understandable thing to be nervous about. Tikki saying that shit? Hard no. Terrible mentoring.

[is-the-sky-blue]

NEW LIFE: GOJO SATORU & GETO SUGURU

Synopsis: When you are thrust into a new life of motherhood you find yourself overwhelmed.

Warnings: Angst (with a happy ending), fluff, satosugu x reader, creepy old man, mention of teen pregnancy (reader is not pregnant)

Being a teen mom is scary and strange to say the least

You never planned for this to happen but then again you guess no one plans to become a teen parent. But at least with pregnancies they are an expecting parent, they have time to prepare, ready themselves to adjust to their new life, but you were pushed into a life of children without any forewarning. Suddenly a care taker of three five year olds and a six year old despite being almost a hundred percent sure that you didn't even have your period six years ago.

It's an inexplicable feeling to comprehend the idea of being a mother of four despite never having sex. A strange thought for children to manifest in your life without any time to prepare. You didn't have the scare of not having your period for a month, never needing to buy a pregnancy test to try it out while praying for only one line as the thought of lugging around a swollen belly throughout campus sent anxious beads of sweat down your spine. Never giving birth but even if adoption encompassed the same criteria at least these parents could plan, filling out paperwork as they searched online for beds and toys in the mean time.

Even with foster parents they are expecting a child to enter their home to some extent, ready to open their doors yet you never undid the lock, it was kicked down with a battering ram as you didn't only face the responsibility of caring for one life like most expecting parents, but four. 

It's a bizarre emotion to come to terms with as you sit at your laptop in the dead of night, trying to scroll quietly as you read forums, and scoured through mommy blogs, finding parenting books only to half relate to each confessing adult. 

No one is ever ready to be a parent, a line that struck close to home yet as they continue so did your disconnect, reading words that contained foreign experiences as they try to console the masses but not you. Sharing how motherhood is a struggle yet as you watch your child grow you slowly get accustomed to it, figuring out your child's unique quirks, their likes, dislikes and what works for your family. That after birth and you hold your child for the first time a sense of maternal love washes over you. How changing your baby's diaper for the first time and feeding them are moments where your connection only grows and you find a way to handle your conflicting emotions. They continue to go on, stating that it's fine to make mistakes, confessing how they accidentally burned their baby's hand with a curling iron but they'd forget soon enough anyways, brains not able to retain memories from so young yet you couldn't afford making such mistakes. Your children will most definitely remember any accidental pain or misstep you make, after all even in your high school years you could still recall stories of your elementary youth. 

You couldn't afford to inflict anymore trauma whether it be purposeful or not, especially since these children you huddled in your home carried a dark past with them that you struggled to light up, your bulb barely dim, struggling to even create a spark to brighten their situation. 

Your experiences with children limited, even in your youth you never hung around kids your own age much, living with only your grandmother facilitating an environment where you spent a lot of free time listening to gossip about other townsfolk in your village and how your neighbours, cousins, mailman apparently had an affair. You spent more time learning how to cut fruit into fun shapes like dragons, knowing how to traditionally make matcha and play shogi with your elders instead of playing tag in the back parking lot of your school after class. 

Your living room often filled with elderly grandmas as they huddled around your tv, peeling apples as the latest episode of their favourite soap opera graced the screen, yelling about the stupidity of the male lead as you walked inside through the genkan rather than having peers over where you inevitably talked more than studying for your upcoming test. However instead of it being peers or elders on your couch it was now children, four children that you had to pay attention to. You couldn't let your inexperience keep you from caring for them.

You couldn't let your habits of letting your boyfriends handle it continue on. No longer able to just push off the responsibility of letting, usually, Suguru coax a crying kid out from where they hid in an abandoned warehouse while on a mission whereas you focused more on smashing cursed spirits through walls.  

You couldn't do that now, no monster in your living room to divert your attention towards while a child sobbed. Suguru couldn't handle it every single time, you had to uplift their mood, had to make conversation even if you could only nod your head at their incoherent ramblings, often puzzled as you sat silently but attempting to appear attentive, but you knew you were bad at it. It was obvious, especially when Satoru popped next to you, sparking a delight into the children as he gasped and laughed, their big grins never targeted towards you.

You were unable to find a way to form a sense of connection, it was as though a growing ravine separated you from the rest of your mushed , abruptly pieced together family. You were a household unit, a family but it felt instead of being a caretaker you were some sort of second cousin twice removed who crashed on the couch in the basement, an invisible presence that no one acknowledged as you ignored any and all responsibilities.

Opting to hide in the kitchen instead of tying pigtails on little girls while they got ready for school. Trying to keep a sense of distance as you watched Suguru weave intricate styles, a job you'd traditionally have, knowing full well you were better at braiding than the long haired man as it was often your hands doing his hair and yet you busied yourself with flipping pancakes, pretending not to see him struggle with the small thin hair tie, not acknowledging how he snapped a third one while trying to secure one of the twins' ponytails. 

Part of you just refused to acknowledge these children as your own, unsure on how to become their parent when you yourself were still a child. It slightly felt as though if you didn't interact with them then maybe this wouldn't be your reality, this wouldn't be your life. 

It's not that you didn't want to be apart of this new family, it's just that you didn't know how, any exchange between you and one of the kids that inhabited your home feeling awkward at best as you stumbled through your minimal knowledge collected on children, ideas you've read yet struggled to implement. 

You weren't sure if any of them even quite knew who you were despite it almost nearing a month of them being in your care, a relatively short period of time in the grand scheme of things but a long one when considering you've been with them 24/7. 

You were useless, a straggler in this house who offered nothing other than a salary. Suguru and Satoru had fallen into their roles almost seamlessly. Geto you could expect  this from with his already caring nature but even the arrogant Gojo was doing better than you. 

You were an unneeded presence, every passing moment left you thinking what would happen if you packed your bags and disappeared, would it matter, would anyone in this house care. It's not like the family dynamics would shift, not like you'd abandon any responsibilities as you carried none in the first place. 

The only thing you'd leave in your presence was a salary that wouldn't even create much an impact with Satoru carrying the Gojo name and wealth, the disappearance of your cheque merely seeming like a couple of cents to this household.

You found yourself wondering what your life would currently be like if you had taken Satoru and Suguru up on their initial offer.

It was like a domino effect, the three of you separating to go on individual missions. You could still remember the day as you sat on the stairs leading to Jujutsu Tech, Satoru's messages letting you know he was on his way back, with a surprise at that

You were rubbing your arms for warmth as you pondered exactly what surprise he'd be bringing, maybe a souvenir or new snack he'd wanted you to try. "(Y/N)!!!!" he called and you sprung to your feet with a grin, spotting his head of white hair skipping down the sidewalk, his empty hands sparking confusion before your eyes landed on two short bodies trailing after him.

His surprise was two children he had kidnapped.

"I missed you" and his arms wrapped around you instantly, a puckered kiss landing on your cheek as you tried to squirm out of his grip, peering over his shoulder at the two kids who still stood a few meters away, Satoru's sudden burst of speed not reciprocated by the children. 

"Who" you furrowed your brows with a whisper "are they?" you tried to keep your voice low, not wanting them to hear but it seems as though the man didn't get the memo 

"This is Megumi and Tsumiki Fushiguro!" he grinned, patting the tops of their head, or at least trying to, Tsumiki compliant while Megumi tried to swat him away. "They're Toji's kids," he stated as though it was no big deal, "and well you know about the Zenin clan," he yammers off and to be honest you were tuning him out after that moment, staring at the two children who met your gaze. "And you know how I kinda kille-"

"Yeah yeah I get it," you cut him off, knowing full well that this wasn't an appropriate conversation topic to have with the children, of said dead man, around. "So what are they doing here," you tried to say in an unoffensive tone, not wanting them to think they were an undesired presence.

"Well I was thinking of keeping them safe so the Zenin clan doesn't get their mangy little hands on them," he whistles, trotting up the steps as he wandered towards the school "let's get inside first, it's kinda cold," he hummed.

The Fushiguro children had quickly taken residence in your bedroom and you left them in Satoru's care, spending a few more hours in the main school building under the pretense of training to give the kids a bit more space, or at least that's what you rationalized to yourself, not wanting to confront your true feelings of discomfort and shock as you let Satoru entertain them, his lack of comments on your missing presence further solidifying your attempts to distance yourself to figure out your new situation. Suddenly a care taker to two children you had never met before but were reminiscent of a man you had disdained. 

It wasn't until you returned back to your room that night, exactly two days after Satoru's arrival, that you realized Suguru had returned. You expected to merely see two children in your room, not four. You weren't ready, not prepared for a surprise of any sort and your shock was evidence, your feelings far more evident than with Satoru as you froze in the entrance, almost immediately catching sight of two little girls standing on your desk chair in front of the bathroom mirror clinging to Suguru as he stood, comb in hand. 

"Oh" was the only thing you could say, the two girls appearing disheveled, bruises loitering their sunken faces, and you noted the slightly bloody towel on the floor, the neat bandages wrapped around their bodies and plastered on their face.

"You just missed Shoko," Satoru commented but you couldn't take you attention away from the other set of children that infiltrated your space. You caught Suguru's eyes instead, a cursory glance thrown over his shoulder as he offered a shaky smile, facade far more pale, a sense of fear loitering in his gaze.

"I-Is that so," you try to divert again, replying back to Satoru as you slipped off your shoes, trying to regain a sense of composure. "Well," you paused your bag slumping against the floor with a heavy thump and you watched as the girls grabbed for Suguru, paranoid glances being shot your way as he pat their heads, trying to soothe them. "You should probably dampen the ends of their hair, it'd help," you offer, watching as he struggled to get through the tight knots in their locks, "but it also might be best to cut off the ends," you murmur, averting your gaze as you unpacked your bag, putting your textbook back onto your bookshelf, sending a small nod to the Fushiguro siblings who perched on your bed, peering at you over the manga you let them borrow, "because they are so dry."  

"You think so," he hummed and you felt a sudden rush of anxiety overwhelm you, your ability to suppress your flooding feelings slowly dwindling after only a few seconds. They doubled from two to four. You hadn't even adjusted to the thought of two new presences in your life, but now it felt all too real. You couldn't ignore it, your feeling of helplessness as you stared at what you quickly realized would become your family. Four children you weren't consulted about, four children who now only had you and your boyfriends to rely on.

"I just realized," you purse your lips, trying to push back the bitter bile that suddenly rose in your throat, these sudden changes looming over you as your small dormitory grew tighter with each second, as though the walls were closing in. "I forgot my water bottle at the track," you attempted to persuade, keeping tears at bay as you clenched your fists, still not ready to confront reality, not ready to enter this type of life. "I'm just gonna go and-" you were hastily slipping your shoes on, feeling your fingers shake, "g-get it real quick," and you couldn't hide the shaky crack in your voice, your ill concealed suffocation known.

You had left that day, you probably could've never returned, but you did, taking four hours too long to supposedly grab your water bottle. It was dark when you re-entered, quiet, the only light from a dim computer screen on your desk and the warm glow from your lamp on your side table. You could make out four children sprawled about your room, the twins asleep beneath the covers of your bed, the Fushiguros each taking up a bean bag chair. Small snores filling the air along with whispered mumbles

"(Y/N)," they had called softly upon hearing the creak of the door, eyes suddenly on you. Bodies quick to rise to greet you.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," Suguru approached first, his hand resting on your cheek and you stared up at him, refusing to let the pit in your stomach grow and let your bottom lip wobble. "I texted you but I should've called you."

"It's fine," you nod, "It's my fault for not checking my messages" you sighed, remembering the list of texts between Suguru and Satoru that you had finally read after leaving, messages sent before Suguru had arrived home loitering on your phone, mentions of the dark haired man's discovery and how he'd be bringing the girls back that your silenced phone didn't let you privy to. No notifications of his warning jumping to your home screen. "What are you two doing" you hummed, trying to shift the conversation, unable to take his pitiful glance any longer, slipping from his grip, not believing in yourself to stay composed in his grasp but part of you wished you hadn't, the screen holding images of houses for sale.

"We were looking for somewhere new to move into," Satoru explained, "we need more space," he gestured throughout your room and you paused, the situation suddenly growing even more real.

"Move," you paused, eyes downcast as you tried to steady your breaths but jolted when Suguru tried to hug you from behind, escaping from his comforting hold, not ready, not willing to fall apart right now. 

"Yeah..." Suguru trailed off, slowly retreating his hands to his pockets, your refusal clearly hurting but even with the look on his face that had been there since he retrieved the two girls you couldn't find any more of yourself to spare, not able to emotionally handle the grief apparent in his features along with your whirlpool of flustering feelings. 

"If you don't want to move you don't have to," Satoru says suddenly, catching your attention.

"What do you mean, you just said we couldn't stay here because the kids need more space," you snapped at him with a hushed tone, unsure on why there was an anger rising within you.

"Yes they do, but you don't have to go with them."

"So you want to buy a house and let them live alone," you quirked a furrowed brow and you felt a thick tension rise in the air.

"No," Suguru hesitated, "we were considering moving out with them and letting you stay... here."

"What-" you frown turning to him, feeling those tears sting, unable to keep them away, "are you trying to abandon me."

"It's not that!" Satoru is quick to reassure, voice reaching an octave too high, the sudden groan coming from your bed sending the three of you into quick silence before the shuffling ceased and one of the twins, you didn't know who, still unsure on either of their names, returned to sleep. 

"You didn't sign up to take care of them," Suguru said in a hushed tone, "we don't want to force you into a parent position when you don't have to be, after all it was Satoru and I who brought them here, you don't have to take responsibility for them." 

You stared at the ground in front of you, letting water blur your vision as you bit your lip. "You are clearly uncomfortable and we just don't want you to feel like you have no choice but to go along with us."

"What do you mean I have a choice, of course I don't have a choice," you snap, feeling a rivulet cascade down your cheek.

"Baby you don't have to come with us."

"What do you mean, of course I do. We are dating aren't we, what would happen to our relationship if I just stayed here, huh," you began to spout incredulously, feeling a sob quietly wrack out form, trying your best not to make too much sound, not wanting more onlookers as you fell apart, "do you want to break up with me, is that it, is this just your way of trying to break up with me," you shudder.

"O-of course not," Satoru stuttered clearly taken aback by your sudden crumbling, aware of your slowly slipping sanity but not expecting the breaking point to be when they were trying to offer you an out.

"We love you so much, you know that don't you," and Suguru is staring at you with a pleading look, fist clenching, unsure on whether he should make a move forward. 

"Then you wouldn't be trying to leave me like this" you pursed your lips, staring at them with anger as you balled your hands. 

It was dropped after that, you followed them, the escape you thought you needed, the door you thought was locked was opened by them, mournful glances as they clearly did not want you missing but allowed you a chance anyways, shut by your own hands, sealed with your own will.

You had stayed on your own accord, demanded that you wanted to stay which only further fueled the guilt you carried as you stumbled about clumsily, clearly not fit for the lifestyle you somewhat voluntarily signed up for. 

This is a choice you made, you just had to work harder to be able to fulfil the role you wanted to claim and today was a great opportunity to make some sort of progress in that mission.

"I specifically demanded that a parent or guardian is present not a sibling!" the man in front of you rumbled, his brows furrowed as he stared you and the little boy next to you down, his cheek covered with a band-aid that accompanied the matching ones on his palm and knee. His lips pulled into a pout as he sent a resentful glare to the older that lectured you both.

"I'm sorry," you could only bow, hyperaware of how young you truly are to be Megumi's caretaker but you couldn't dwell on the thought, not right now. The heavy hearted sigh that released afore you had you stiffening.

"Regardless you and you family need to take better care of that brat, problem children aren't allowed in my school, learn to discipline him," and the gruff words had you gripping the arm rests of your chair to keep your anger in check.

"I would prefer it if you didn't call him such names," you attempted politely

"And I would prefer it if he didn't hit his fellow classmates," he spat, gesturing to the boy and his family who sat in the seat across from you, the black eye having boy clinging to his mother's shirt, eyes rimmed with red as he stuck his tongue out at Megumi. "Especially classmates who are children of esteemed benefactors that help keep our schools programs running" he tacked on and you had to bite your lip from spewing that no money was being donated to the school but his greedy pockets, knowing full well that art programs were still fully reliant on parents to provide materials to their children, after all it was you who visited the craft store more than once, but then again he probably assumed you were just an ignorant elder sister who didn't know much. 

"That's right! Do you know how much it'd cost if we decided to press charges," yet another pompous man chimed, twiddling with the end of his mustache "we are clients to one of the best law firms of the country, in fact we are one of their biggest investors," and you had to keep yourself from tsking at his flaunt of wealth knowing there was a black card in a certain blue eyed boy's pocket that'd be able to buy all their assets and not make a dent into the never ending digits of his bank account.

"I am truly sorry that Megumi hurt your child but I'm sure he had a reason for acting out, he's a sweet kid I swear," you explain, knowing full well of his kindness, despite being merely an onlooker the way he watched out for his elder sister and the twins as well was evidence of his caring personality. 

"Are you saying my kid deserved to get punched by that brute," the mother finally huffed, still holding onto her child.

"That's not what I sai-"

"Then what are you saying, I mean look at my son, our heir, do you think he received these bruises because they were merely roughhousing." 

"I'm just trying to state that your son might've done something to trigger Megumi is all, I mean he's hurt too."

"For gods sake kid," the principal tsked, "you just don't get it, it doesn't matter whether or not that boy is hurt the Sato heir has been harmed by his filthy little han-"

"I don't appreciate you badmouthing my son in front of me! Megumi's wellness is also important!" you snapped, furrowing your brows, "as an educator you should treat these boys equally despite how much money his dad gives you."

"Ha!" the so called prestigious father snickered, "son," he whistled and you could feel a sudden sense of dread shadow over you, "looks like I see where that runt gets it from now, how old are you anyway," and his eyes seemed to rake slowly up and down, his leering gaze causing you to cringe in your seat. "When'd you get knocked up, huh," he chuckled and you clutched the arm rest, trying your best just to grit your teeth are bare it.

"I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say in front of children."

"Well you are far from appropriate it seems," he chuckled once more, "if you are so willing to spread your legs I'll make sure to give a well disciplined kid," he smirked, a grotesque face that had a wave of nausea churn in your gut and you could feel the wood splinter beneath your hands, your expression of disgust mirrored on his wife's face but she was quick to recompose herself.

It wouldn't be hard to make it look like a cursed spirit attacked and left some deceased in their wake. "Calm down sweetheart don't get your panties in a bunc- AHH" he jolted, toppling from his chair with a heavy thud. "What's wrong with you!" he screamed, fingers reaching up to touch his face, horrified to find a slit of blood leaking from his cheek.

"Calm down old man, wouldn't want you having a heart attack now," you growled, fully standing as you retracted your arm, tsking at the splinter of wood sticking out the far wall, piercing the hung portrait of the principal, he once sat in front of, right in the heart. 

"I- are you crazy!" the principal fumed, stumbling to his feet as suddenly the Sato boy burst into a fright of tears, clinging to his mother, "what kind of psychopath bitc-"

"Let's go Megumi," you cut him off, keeping him from saying such words to the little boy as you tap his shoulder, hauling his backpack off the floor as you ushered him out the room, double doors slamming open as other administrators rushed in, startled by the sudden commotion but you walked through the crowd, bodies parting as you led Megumi out of the office, a silence washing over you two as you exited out the main doors, quietly walking down the steps, the click of metal ringing as you slung the backpack over one of your shoulders, little keychains hitting one another as you approached the crosswalk, staring at the big red hand that faced the two of you as the little automated beeps echoed the movements of your prodding fingers.

"Hold my hand..." you break the silence, extending a palm out to the boy but his sudden blank stare had you slightly recoiling. 

"Why?" he just furrowed his brows looking up at you.

"Uh," you pause, you didn't quite have an answer you just knew that children were supposed to hold the hands of someone older while crossing the street, "for safety," you offer and he shakes his head.

"How is you holding my hand gonna keep me safe," he huffed, "we'll just both get hit by a car instead."

"Oh, well..." you think, "if there is a car, I'll be able to get you out of the way quicker by throwing you to the other sidewalk if I'm holding your hand," you try and his unnerved gaze had you questioning your every word before a heavy sigh left his lips, his hand meeting yours just as the crosswalk switched.

"I probably got suspended or expelled," he suddenly piped, seemingly unbothered as the two of you stepped across the street.

"Yeah sorry 'bout that," you apologize with a scratch of your head.

"It's not your fault," he murmured, "I would've got suspended even if you didn't throw a chair at that jerk's dad."

"I didn't throw the whole chair, just part of it."

"Does it really matter, you still threw a chair at him," and you didn't have anything to say back to that as he soon pulled out of your grasp as your feet met pavement again.  "And you broke the principal's painting."

"Okay I get it," you mumble, suddenly feeling like a scolded child as you readjusted the backpack slung across your shoulder before you caught sight of the blooming bruise on his cheek, a red scab of slowly drying blood crusted on his lip and you looked up to glance at the sky before he could catch you staring. "Well uhm, it's kinda hot today," you pitch, the barely peeking sun creeping out from behind the clouds, the gloomy sky, clearly going against your comment, "do you want to go get ice cream..?" 

Suddenly his feet halted from where he stomped in front of you, the pebble he was kicking running sideways into the road as he spun around, "ice cream.." he paused, skeptical, "why?"

"J-Just because," you stammer, "it's hot, aren't you warm," you try to play it off, "we can go to the corner store just down there," and you point down street, the floor sign advertising a new product a couple meters away indicating where the shop was located.

"I got into a fight today," he huffed, "why are you giving me a treat."

"Man aren't you just supposed to say okay and book it until I change my mind," you raise an accusing brow.

"Well you're being weird, you aren't really good at this whole parenting thing."

"Sorry for not being a professional," you scoff half heartedly, sparing a lopsided smile as you lead him towards the store. "So let's just go yeah?" and you speed up your pace.

It didn't take long for you to reach the door, the boy obviously more excited than he was letting on with the way he rushed alongside you, the ringing of the bell above the door singing as you pushed open the glass, letting him walk in first before you travelled through the store you knew all too well, the place a spot you used to frequent in your first year, Satoru loving the strawberry swirl twin pops that he'd eat all on his own, the artificial flavour a bit too much for even your palate and something Suguru would rather jump off a bridge than eat, Shoko not even option to share with but it's not like he minded, far too excited to eat both on his own. 

The big brand covered blue floor freezers greeted you and you stared through the glass top, the colourful packaging catching your eye before a mop of spiky hair planted next to you, tippy toes trying to push themselves to their full height, unable to glance inside. "Do you want some hel-"

"No," he was adamant, bouncing up and down as he scanned, "I want that one" he slammed the clear lid, little hand smacking absentmindedly, obviously unaware of his options as he chose at random.

"Okay," you grin, spotting the strawberry twin pops but you ignored where he pointed, knowing full well the little kid wouldn't enjoy it, your observations over the past few weeks leading you to believe he enjoyed chocolate more based on the snacks he'd specifically choose from the stash Satoru would bring home almost everyday. "Here," and you yank out a chocolate covered vanilla ice cream, handing the packet to him before grabbing one of your own, "I like these ones too," you muse.

You were quick to head to the register, coin pouch at the ready, "but still, why would you buy me something for getting into a fight," he said again, his demeanor more worried, eyes a bit wider and you hum, trying to formulate an answer.

"Well you're a sweet kid, I know that much."

"But I beat up another kid."

"For a good reason."

"How would you know that."

"Because that boy was picking on Mimiko," you state, placing down both your items onto the counter, flashing a smile to the cashier as you pay. "Thank you," you wave to the worker, pushing open the door to let Megumi out. 

"How do you know that," he finally asks, his peering eyes curious.

"That kid had her hair tie on his wrist," you note, unwrapping his dessert, pulling the wrapper down around the stick, words of mommy blog past telling you how to avoid sticky hands before handing it to him. "And it's certainly no coincidence that Mimiko and Nanako are on a field trip today," you continue, watching as he breaks through the outer chocolate layer, the cream cooling his slightly swollen lip. 

"You are weird," he huffs and you can only reach down to ruffle his hair.

"Back at ya!"

You were quick to patch him up once you got home, little lessons you learned from Shoko and your line of work making first aid second nature as you applied ointments to his lips and ice to his bruises before letting him rest in his room, quietly taking respite in your own bed, the sound of children voices entering your home not stirring you to stand as you lay, lingering words itching at your skin.

 'When'd you get knocked up, huh.' You aren't even an actual teen mom and yet these comments sent a disgust shiver around your bones, a gnawing discomfort sucking at your marrow as you curl tighter, it felt shameful, scary, your situation was misinterpreted and you felt so sick, you couldn't believe how others your age who actually went through the fearful process felt.

Squeezing your eyes shut you let a singular stray tear fall down onto your pillow before wiping it away, not letting sadness linger before slowly letting the heavy blankets fall off your body, pushing yourself to sit at the end of the mattress. They were home you should greet them.

But you couldn't bare to move. 

The clock ticked closer to dinner and yet Megumi hadn't seen you leave your room. The door sealed shut, neither the blue eyed freak or Suguru had gone to check in on you so he just assumed it was fine. They had returned a few hours ago and yet you hadn't gone out to greet them, but he didn't bother to pry, not when he was tasked with setting up the table, carrying bowls of steaming rice from where his sister stood at the counter, spooning it into bowls at the rice cooker, to the oval wooden table a few meters away. 

He found it strange, taking notice of your lack of presence when everyone sat down to eat, no one called for you, but then again you often missed dinner. The few weeks they had all gathered in this new home missing your presence at the dining table during all meals, your presence only ever loitering in the kitchen either prepping or serving foods, never taking a moment to sit down with them, always in some type of rush. 

He knew this and yet it felt weird not to have you around, the singular chair that remained empty suddenly feeling like an eyesore as he picked at his broccoli. 

"So Megumi do you wanna tell me what happened to your face yet," Suguru finally asked, turning away from little Mimiko who finished her story.

"Nothing," it was dismissive, shoving the chunk of broccoli into his mouth, trying to avoid conversation under the pretense of having his mouth full, even if he wasn't fond of the flavour.

"So you got those bruises from nothing," the gremlin man asked him and Megumi scrunched his face, waving his hand at the giant to try and shoo him away. "Megum-"

"Satoru leave it for now," Suguru hummed, taking notice of the little ears listening in from all around the table, "he's not too hurt right Megs," he grinnned, trying to ease the worried look on Tsumiki's face.

"Mhm," he grumbled.

The food filling their plates came and went and soon enough after a few episodes of cartoons the two men were hauling him and his sisters off to bed, and unfortunately the glasses weirdo was in charge of tucking him in.

"So you want to tell me what happened at school," he prodded again, crouching down right next to the side of his bed and Megumi just stared up at this ceiling, ignoring his alien eyes. 

"No."

"Well can you just tell me anyways."

"No."

"Jeez tough crowd," he sighed, slumping his head onto the mattress as he flopped to his butt, the low toddler bed easy for him to lean on from the ground. "Seriously you don't want to tell me anything."

"Yup."

"Well then, anything notable that happened at school that doesn't have to do with the bruises on your face," he asked, trying to get something out of the boy.

"Mmm," he just groaned, flipping over to his side, back to the man as he faced the wall "well," and Satoru could pick up on the lingering question weighing on the boy's mind.

"What is it," he quietly spoke, as though if speaking loudly would spook the query away.

"What does being knocked up mean?" he finally spoke.

"Huh!" the man all but shouted, startled by the words and Megumi flipped around to face the perturbed adult, glasses on the tip of his nose as he stared at the kid, mouth agape.

"Never mind," he grumbled.

"Wait, wait, wait," the man rambled, suddenly springing to his knees, lurching forward to try and keep Megumi from dismissing him, "where'd you hear that?" yeah maybe knocked up as in knocking on a door, right, he tried to reason, hoping context would help his situation.

"At school,"

"Who said that, and why,"

"Why are you asking so many questions," the boy grimaced, suddenly feeling interrogated, "just go, let me go to bed." 

"Megumi can't you just tell m- OW," and the boy started thrashing, kicking at the tall white haired man, trying to force him out of his room.

"Just leave you old man!" he yelled, suddenly feeling his kicks no longer connect as the sorcerer reactivated his infinity. 

"Okay, okay," and he pushed to his feet, rubbing at his arm, pretending to be harmed more than he was while the child only stuck his tongue out, clearly feeling no remorse as he got out of bed to try and push him away faster, door being slammed the moment his feet left the threshold of his door, nearly being slammed between the wood as the sound resonated throughout the hall.

"What was that about?" Suguru asked, quietly shutting the door to the twins' room, brow raised in confusion.

"Megumi just asked me what being knocked up means," he murmured, still quite shocked.

"What?" Suguru jolted, shoulders straightening as his eyes narrow in confusion, "wait why."

"I don't know, I tried to ask but he kicked me out," and he gestured to the door. 

"Should I go try and as-"

"What's going on," it was a quiet voice, the small peek of warm light pouring into the dim hall, and they spotted your head around the door frame, hair messy as you whispered.

"It's just about Megumi," Satoru sighed, walking over to you before snaking his arms around you, resting his chin on your shoulder as you perch on your tippy toes, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"Did something happen," you mumble, head resting on his chest as he swayed slightly, the only sound you caught was Satoru's surprised yelp before Megumi called him old and threw him out, the sound quite amusing and you were eager to catch the expression on his face, however his warm touch was still welcomed even if you missed the perturbed look you wanted to see and giggle at.

"Megumi asked me what being knocked up meant," and you felt a wash of dread strike you.

"O-oh is that so," you tried to laugh it off, "is this what kids talk about in school," you attempt but Satoru felt you stiffen in his grip the moment the words left his lips and it seemed Suguru caught the flash of a certain emotion cross your face.

"You picked Megumi up from school today right," Suguru approached, soft smile on his lips as he took ahold of your hand that rested on Satoru's back.

"Yeah," you breathed, suddenly feeling a strange sense of guilt.

"Was there anything specific that happened, I noticed that he had some bruises on his face,"  he continued, his tone was gentle, yet you still felt unsettled.

"Oh, well he got into a fight with one of his classmates."

"Hm," and Satoru pulled away, hands planted on your shoulders as he stared at you, "did he win."

"Toru that can't be your first question," Suguru sighs and he pulls the two of you into your shared room, worried that not asleep children would listen in on your conversation.

"But it's important," the man groaned, flopping back first onto the bed.

"You're such a weirdo," Suguru mumbled, taking a spot next to him before opening his arms for you to rest in, but you merely opted to sit next to the laying bodies, interlacing your hand with his, your actions clearly unexpected.

"And you like that," Satoru wiggled his brows before Suguru let a heavy hand fall onto his gut, laughing at his groan. 

"Anyways do you know why he got into a fight," Suguru raised a brow and you reach to play with his hair, toying with the ends.

"Some boy was picking on Mimiko at school," and this seemed to catch their attention as both of their gazes snap towards yours, "Megumi gave him a good beating though," you snickered.

"If he didn't I would, maybe I still will," the blue eyed boy mumbled and you couldn't restrain your laugh, feeling that guilt wash away.

"You can't beat up a little kid."

"Who says."

"The law." 

"But regardless does that mean you got called in to the office."

"Yeah," you hum, you small ministrations of toying with his hair halting as your tried to suppress the bubbling memories, "I think he might've gotten expelled."

"For beating up one kid? What about that boy, he was picking on Mimiko," Satoru jolted to sit, face full of rage.

"No I think it might also be my fault," you sigh and decide to lay on your back grabbing one of the pillows to hold close to your chest .

"Your fault... what'd you do," and Satoru is grinning, prying eyes prodding at you and you couldn't help but turn away.

"I kinda threw part of a chair at the boy's dad."

"You threw a chair," Suguru laughed incredulously.

"Only part of it!" you whined.

"But you threw a chair," and Satoru joined in on the laughter as Suguru pulled you close, his chuckles vibrating in his chest, the feeling tickling your cheek.

"Yeah and I think he was a big deal too."

"Can't be a bigger deal than a Gojo," the man snarkily remarked.

"Wellllll," you drag out, "apparently they are esteemed benefactors that are clients of one of the best law firms in the country," you mocked.

"and I don't need law firms to handle my work, I can deal with it on my own," Satoru hummed and Suguru snickered at his confidence.

"But still what happened that made you need to throw a chair," the long haired man chuckled, already imaging the sight and Satoru eagerly nodded, clearly ready for a juicy tidbit of drama.

"Oh well," you pause, "you know," and you trail off, prying yourself away from Suguru's arms, suddenly sitting as a new wave of dread swirled in your stomach, you should've diverted the conversation better, or thought of an excuse before hand, "um," you pause brain running blank.

"Hey..." and Suguru sits up, concerned, "did something happen," he continued, hand reaching for your back but he pauses when you tense, the pillow in your arms crumpling in your tight grasp.

"No nothing it's fine," you laugh, but the wet look in your eyes told him otherwise as your chest tightened with each breath.

"This doesn't have anything to do with Megumi asking what knocked up means...right?" Satoru furrows his brows, clearly concerned, words moving slowly from his mouth but the moment the question fell the tightening of your shoulders told him everything he needed to know. "Baby," he cautiously starts but you push yourself to your feet.

"Oh would you look at that, I completely forgot Yaga gave me a mission for tonight," avoid, avoid, avoid, your brain repeated, trying to slip out of your discomfort.

"(Y/N)," Suguru's voice was stern but you could only shake your head, cupping your ears with your palms as you tried to ignore his voice, you wouldn't let him stop you, you couldn't stop, you couldn't confront this, you couldn't tell them, not now, you weren't ready, the fear in your body wouldn't let you.

"I b-better get going," you choke out in response, your flooding waterline only the start to the progression of your deterioration, lip already beginning to quiver as your compressing lungs began to burn.

You were quick to try and walk away, quick to grab the door handle and start to pry it open, but he was quicker, Satoru's hand slammed the door shut, the small sliver of your escape locked in an instant.

You were trapped.

Oh no, oh no, you couldn't do this, not now, not with them, you couldn't let them see you like this and your hand was frantically trying to yank open the door but he was just far too strong, your shaking fingers not helping in your endeavour.

"(Y/N) don't try and run away from us again," he breathed, body leering over you as his hand slammed above you, keeping it tightly shut.

"Why won't you tell us what happened," Suguru cooed, the crease in his brow revealing his worry, "did they say something to you."

"No," you were too quick with your answer, they knew, they both knew, you were screwed, you were so so so screwed, "I- uh," and your eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape, the bathroom, could you get to the bathroom, if you did you could lock the door and maybe buy yourself some time.

"Don't even think about it," Satoru stopped your train of thought, and Suguru was quick to block the view of your only hope.

You were trapped, trapped, trapped and suddenly you felt the walls closing in on you, they were surrounding you, the ceiling was falling, the floor of dashing up quick.

"Woah there," and it wasn't the room but you, you were falling, back slumped against the door as you fell to the floor, big hands that only thing slowing your descent of keeping you from crashing down.

"(Y/N)," it was blurry sounding, that didn't make sense it couldn't sound blurry, but it did, it did why did it sound blurry, nothing made sense, what, where were you, why were you, and there was a pain in your chest, your chest it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

"Breathe baby please," and your hand was raised to his chest, they were crouched, one hand was rested at the back of you head, keeping it from lolling to the side as you could feel your palm raise and fall along with his own lungs, "can you just copy me please," and it was pleading, Satoru, Suguru you couldn't tell, couldn't tell whose limbs was whose, where your hand stopped and his body began, the murky colours fading in and out.

Why were you freaking out again, it doesn't make sense, why were you falling apart, it wasn't your fault, you did nothing wrong but why were you choking on air, why was their pain clawing at your organs, why did you feel nauseous. 

"Ohhh," you breathed out, eyes widening as you tried to process, your brain spiraling, why were you feeling so gross, so ashamed, you didn't do anything and your chest flooded with oxygen before you let it out with a huff, breaths following your hand, following his chest.

"There you go, thank you, thank you so much," and he still sounded blurry.

"They said," you sobbed, the words sending a shudder through your body, "t-that I was, they said I wasn't appropriate."

"appropriate?" one voice whispered and you could feel your chest heave.

"S-Said I should s-spr" and the word felt foul coming out of your mouth, "spread my l-legs," you hiccupped, "that he, he would give me a well disciplined kid, and, and, and I," you stumbled over your words, brain rambling as your mouth followed, unsure if you were even stringing together real sentences.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and your hand gripped his shirt, pulling him closer, "I'm sorry that jerk said that to you," he continued and you wrapped your arms around him, head burrowing in the crook of his neck as another sob wracked your body, a somberful scream echoing onto his skin.

"I-I didn't like it, I didn't like it, I didn't," you cried, feeling hysterical, panicked, overwhelmed.

"I know, I'm sorry that happened to you, he's gross," and a hand was patting the back of your head. "But he's not here, you are safe, you'll be okay he can't touch you."

"I didn't like it."

Your cries continued, repetition spilling over and over again as you were held, brain mush as settings changed, feelings changed until you were wrapped in blankets tucked onto a mattress until silence broke into your cries.

Your eyes shut, you didn't quite know when, but it happened, must've happened because here you were opening them, cradled in tight grips holding you close. Your eyes hurt, they were sore when they fluttered open.

"Are you awake," soft, gentle and you knew this voice, it wasn't blurry it made sense.

"Yeah," you whispered and Suguru grinned.

"m'sorry," you murmured.

"What d'ya mean sorry, what'd you do wrong," Satoru was quick to grumble, chin resting on your shoulder as he scolded you.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," Suguru answered for you, reassuring any thoughts in your brain, "that must've been tough, being told such disgusting things," he comforted, validating your feelings.

"It was weird," you confess, "to be told things like that."

"It's not just weird, that guy's a creepy asshole." Satoru insulted and you couldn't help but laugh at his anger fueled insults and you pat the hand he had around your waist, turning your head to catch sight of his furrowed glare.

"He's right," Suguru nodded, "but when things like that happen don't try and keep it from us, we're a team, let us help you."

"But I felt bad."

"For what."

"Well, it's just, he spoke as though Megumi was my kid but," you pause "I mean I get that we adopted him, adopted all of them but I'm just not used to the idea of being," and you sigh the weighted word feeling heavy on your tongue and the connotated meaning sent a discomfort through you, "a mom," you spoke.

"That's alright," Suguru assured, "it's hard to get used to our new life."

"Yeah but," you sigh, brows creasing and suddenly your eyes stung, "I just feel so awkward around them, I don't know what to do, I've never taken care of a child before let alone 4 of them and I haven't even got to learn because- because other parents they, they," and you started stumbling again, bringing your hands up to roughly wipe at your eyes, "they get to at least learn as their children grow, but they are all already in school and everywhere I look they say you are able to learn as they grow but I can't do that, I don't know what to do it's just," and you let out a frustrated groan, legs slightly kicking in anger. "I just don't think I can be the mom, the mom they need,"

"Sweetheart," Suguru trails off.

"They went through so much and I just can't be the person they need me to be, I can't be like all those mom's who are able to comfort their kids and know what they need, I can't be a mom," you confess, "I mean they are just so good at it, they are able to handle it so effortlessly. Even today that Sato boy's mom was able to comfort her kid, she was able to hug him and he turned to her for comfort, I can never be that for these children, I'll never be able to provide that support they need and I, I," you were running out of breath, your ramblings long as weeks of insecurity finally verbalized.

"You," Satoru stops you, "won't be able to be that type of mom, the type of parent who does everything so effortlessly," and his words seemed to bite but he continued, "because that type of parent doesn't exist, what you see online is manufactured, all those things you read are written in a specific way, no one talks about meltdowns or tantrums or their insecurities, but even if they don't mention it,  that doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

"Parenting is different for everyone, and it'll be especially different for our family, after all we have a learning curve to get over," Suguru cracked a smile, "but you are the smartest person I know," and his hand grabbed yours and your palm was on his lips, "you'll be able to find a lifestyle that works for you, you'll be able to learn how to talk to them, I know you will, I mean just think about today with Megumi, you picked him up from school, you were able to spend time with him alone and that was fine wasn't it."

"I probably got him expelled."

"And I would've instead if you hadn't," Satoru snapped, "now that he's already expelled there is nothing to lose when I crush that old perv's head." 

"Satoru," you whined, "you can't do that." 

"Well you threw a chair."

"I only threw a part of it," you huffed before resting your head backwards onto his shoulder, "I don't think I'll be able to do this," you sigh, "these kids deserve a mom who is good at their job, a mom who wants to be doing all of this and is able to do it with ease."

"But you do want this (Y/N), you stayed even when you had a chance to leave."

"Yeah but maybe I was wrong, maybe I was making a mistake. I was scared of losing you, I didn't want to break up, I was being greedy, I was looking at these kids and I could only think I could put up with anything if I could be with you. I was romanticizing this whole situation, I was dumbing it down, I haven't even done much and yet the little bit of parenting I actually do is far more difficult than I imagined. I just always feel exhausted, and scared that I'm gonna mess up and make them hate me, I just feel like some big burden in our family, you guys are able to handle it all, and I just hover around and-"

"What do you mean burden," Satoru scoffed.

"The only reason we are able to take care of them is because we know we can rely on each other, and you. Today didn't overwhelm us because I knew I could go on the field trip with the twins and Satoru could take Tsumiki to her art class after school, because we knew you'd be able to take care of Megumi, we knew you'd be able to take care of the loose ends." 

"(Y/N) we can only do this because you are here, the only reason I'm able to adjust is because I have you and Suguru as my 2 constants, you are a pillar that I can rely on and I want to be a pillar you can rely on too."

"I'm pretty sure it's a rock, not pillar." you correct but he only presses a ticklish kiss to the crook of your neck causing you to laugh.

"That's besides the point," and another kiss.

"Just remember," Suguru mused, leaning in to press his own kiss to your forehead, "take your time, you don't need to rush and try and become a person you aren't." 

"Okay, okay," and suddenly you couldn't stop laughing, Satoru pecking your skin over and over again, his hair tickling your neck.

"We can get through this together alright, remember you aren't alone," he mumbled against your flesh and the vibrations only further the sensation as you giggled, pushing his head away from your skin.

"Thank you," you could only smile, and it felt as though all your worries were crushed, in between their arms you knew you weren't alone, you'd be okay, you didn't have to be a mom, you could take your time with your learning. You were fine, you'd be fine.

"My face hurts," his little voice echoed and you raised your head, catching sight his mop of dark hair peeking in through the door frame and you sat up.

"Still?" you questioned, already to your feet, as you walked over to him, the once crusted over scab ripped away, beads of blood blotting his lips as the black eye only purpled even more from the last time you saw him, the bruises swelling stronger. "Did neither of you give him an ice pack" you turn around, staring at the two men who stiffen, Satoru's guilty look all you needed before you were ushering Megumi into the kitchen. You shuffled over to the freezer as the boy climbed onto the dining room chair, watching as you shook the frosted condensation off one of the ice packs before wrapping it with a clean towel.

You crouched down next to him, staring up at his bruised face, placing a gentle hand to poke at the swollen skin, grimacing as he winced, it really did get worse and you reached up to place the ice onto his cheek, patting his hand when he flinched. "Sorry I know it hurts, just hold that here okay" you tell him and he nods before you go and reach for the cabinet above the fridge, pulling down the plastic bucket of medicine, yanking out a bottle of ointment you had used earlier in the day, quickly moving to reapply it to his lip.

As you screwed the cap back on he only looked down, hands fidgeting as he opened and closed his mouth, hesitant to speak.

"Is something wrong," you tilt your head, trying to duck down to catch his eye.

"I'm sorry," he suddenly blurts out.

"Huh, what do you mean?" you smile "what are you sorry for."

"At school, they said mean things to you."

"That's not your fault," you shake your head, "and I'm fine see," you grin but he only turns away, voice lowering as he whispered.

"But you were crying."

"Oh," you hadn't realized he had heard you.

"You were sad," he mumbled, "because they said mean things to you, b-but they wouldn't have said anything if I didn't punch him."

"Hey Megs," and the nickname fell out effortlessly, "none of that is your fault, they are just mean people, I'm all better now, okay, so you don't have to feel bad, you didn't do anything wrong," you tried to reassure and you watched as his lower lip wobbled.

"Today must've been scary for you too huh," you ask, finally catching onto his flooding emotions, he was like you, trying to hold himself together until he couldn't anymore, and you watched as the first tear drop fall. He was crying, you froze, what were you supposed to do, and you could feel the hand you cupped on his cheek slowly dampen as you wiped his tear away.

He looked like you, so small, so helpless and completely overwhelmed and you couldn't help but think back to how Suguru and Satoru helped you, how they comforted you, now it was time for you to do the same. "C'mere," you whisper, opening your arms wide and he practically falls into embrace, his head resting on your shoulder and you sigh, listening as his sobs grew louder. He was scared, his fingers tightened around your shirt, holding onto you for dear life and you patted his back, trying to soothe him as you pulled him onto your hip, standing as you rocked him back and forth

"You'll be okay Megumi, I promise no one is going to get mad at you, you're safe now," and he hiccupped and you found yourself instinctively pressing a kiss to his temple as you bounced him in your grip, cradling him and as you lifted your head, you caught sight of two figures in the hall, watching you, smiling and you realized you could do this, you were doing it, parenting, the bonds you were worried about making were formed.

You didn't rush it, you took it at your own pace and you realized time will help you, aid you in your effort, and you hugged the boy tighter, you could do it, were were doing it, you weren't trapped, you weren't suffocated you were here, mimicking the love you felt, no not mimicking reciprocating it, you were sharing your own love with him as you comforted him, expressing your emotions as you patted his back, rubbing soothing circles as he cried.

"It's okay Megs, you'll be okay" you coo, you could share your love, you could parent at your own pace, you were able to do it. You were fine.

"We'll be okay" 

[loveandmurders]

Hi, I don't know if your requests are open. But you would ask me what the slashers would be like (thomas hewitt, hannibal, bo sinclair and any other slasher if you like). with a mute s/o (who does not speak and only communicates by signs).

I love your blog

Hey darling, I hope you'll enjoy these little thoughts for the three slashers you mentionned.

It was my first time writing for Hannibal (I used the one from the series, hope it's okay!) and it was a lot of fun 🥰

SILENCE ISN'T WEAKNESS (gn!reader x Thomas Hewitt / Hannibal Lecter / Bo Sinclair)

Warnings: no proof reading, mentions of bullies in Thomas' headcanons but he is there to protect you, violent and abusive/abused!reader in Hannibal's headcanons, mentions of a toxic family, killer!reader, cannibal!reader, mentions of murders and Bo being an ass (as usual), let me know if I forget anything.

Thomas Hewitt

When you arrived in town, you were still a child. You had cried so much and you had begged your parents to not move out from the town you had forever known.

Back there, you had struggled so much to get friends, because of your mutism, so you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to befriend anyone else.

People weren’t always nice to you, and they often forgot about your existence because they couldn't hear your voice to remind them you were there. You were also an easy target for bullies.

Thomas spotted you right away obviously.

And the first time, he stood up against bullies was for you. He couldn't stand that someone like you could get hurt.

You grew up together and you never left each other's side. Not even when his family decided to kill people to survive, and he was so grateful for that; he would have been completely lost without you.

You both enjoyed the silence full of love and tenderness between the two of you.

Actually, because you knew each other so well, most of the time, you didn’t even need to fully sign a word or a sentence for the other one to understand what you meant.

Your complicity and love for each other turned into something more than just friendship pretty naturally as you became adults.

Thomas truly felt blessed to have you in his life, because he knew someone was able to understand him and to be on his side no matter what. And vice versa.

Once a man moved in front of you while you were waiting in a line, and when you tapped on his shoulder to let him know you were there, he faked not understanding you and he laughed at you for not being able to speak.

It upsetted you quite a lot. You talked about it to Tommy because it was unfair for someone to treat you that way. Thomas simply asked you what the man looked like.

And the next day you found the man kneeling on the kitchen floor, begging for your forgiveness. His nose was broken and his face was already swollen from the hits he received from Thomas.

The Hewitts let him go once you accepted the apology. After this event, no one ever mistreated you.

You were happy among the Hewitts, Hoyt enjoyed your silence, Luda Mae enjoyed how soft you were to Thomas and Monty enjoyed how sassy you were when people were turning their back to you.

Hannibal Lecter

You grew up in a very poor and abusive family. Violence was the only thing you ever know. You quickly learnt that the people who should have taken care of you, would easily forget about you.

You had to learn another way to express yourself; a cruel and rough way. You couldn’t count all the time your knuckles got raw and bloody after you had beat someone to almost death.

Well the “almost” disappeared at some point. You were a hungry beast who didn’t trust anyone or anything. You knew that one day you were going to die in the street or die in prison, but truly you couldn’t care any less. 

You killed a man twice your size one night. He had stolen and eaten the food you just bought. It was the only meal you might be able to afford this week, so you had gone absolutely crazy.

When the police found you, covered in blood, they thought it was just another homicide in the poorest neighborhood of the city. That was until they saw that the man was missing a leg… and that you deliberately cut him into pieces, to cook and eat him.

Your case didn’t go unnoticed by Hannibal. He quickly used all his relations so he could get you as his patient. He wanted to meet another cannibal like him.

When he saw you for the first time, he didn’t get disappointed. Of course, you looked so ill because of the absence of food but he promised himself he was going to take such good care of you.

You didn’t understand why the man was so careful with you, so gentle even. He didn’t know a lot of ASL but he learnt more for you.

He carefully and patiently coaxed you into talking to him. The fact he brought you food all the time helped a lot, of course. He was the first person who used a soft voice to address you, he was the first to look after your wound, he was the first one to gently touch you.

You started to fall in love with him, and once he was certain you were hooked, he revealed his true nature to you and you only loved him more for it. You understood him, like he understood you. 

He never felt so much happiness when you eagerly ate the meal he prepared for you, while knowing where the meat was coming from.

Bo Sinclair

At first, Bo thought you were going to be a very easy prey. After all, you couldn’t scream for help and he noticed that your group of friends weren't checking on you as much as they should to keep you safe.

But because of your mutism, you were listening and observing people very well. Your friends were under Bo's spell but it was obvious to you that he was no good. Something in the way he looked at your friends when they weren’t watching made you wonder.

You also noticed someone moving from the corner of your eyes when you were visiting the House of Wax. You felt in danger until you used ASL to answer your friends. It was as if the shadow lurking in the dark couldn't hurt you anymore.

You did your best to never stay alone with Bo or in the House of Wax, no matter how much he tried and flirted with you.

Bo was quite dejected you weren’t falling right into his arms. He wasn’t used to that, so it quickly became a new challenge. He started to get interested in you because clearly you were a smart person.

At some point, he made a slight misogynistic remark about one of your friends and you sent him such a full of rage and venomous look that he shut up. He thought you were incredibly hot and he wondered if you might be as dangerous as his twin.

He started to sign to you as a peace offer and you were surprised he knew ASL. He told you about Vincent and he noticed it changed a lot of things for you. You started to get less impatient with him even if you didn't trust him

It didn't save your friends though. You mourned their death in the Sinclair's house.

You hated to admit it but talking with Vincent helped you a lot. You felt understood and you slowly stopped being afraid. You didn’t really have a choice anyways.

Bo never stopped trying to seduce you and it slowly started to work.

With you, the man was different. Your silence was bringing him peace. Your presence was casting his demons away. Your eyes were the most breathtaking things he ever witnessed. Your touch was driving him absolutely insane.

And maybe you were enjoying the silent and yet complete power you held over the man.

[pascalislove]

THE CALL: Han Jeong-Won x Fem!Reader~29

Summary: Your arrival would change everything, even if Jeong-Won didn't know it yet.

Warnings: female reader, piv, , age difference(unspecified), creampie, sex on the couch, unprotected sex.

A few weeks later, it was a quiet afternoon at home, but the atmosphere was far from serene for Y/N.

After days of feeling feveris (and not just from the recent cold) her body seemed to have lit up with an urgency that not even she could explain.

Since they had confessed their love two months ago and decided to continue with their marriage, something between them had changed: the passion was constant, intense and completely uncontrollable.

Jeong-Won was sitting on the couch, reviewing some work papers, completely oblivious to the storm that Y/N felt growing inside her. She watched him stand from the living room door, noting how his white shirt fit around his shoulders and how his steady hands turned the pages of a document. Desire invaded her strongly.

Without much thought, she walked towards him and before he could ask what she was doing, she straddled his lap.

—“Y/N…” he murmured in surprise, his eyebrows furrowed at the interruption, but with a spark of interest in his dark eyes.

—I want you,—she whispered, leaning down to kiss his neck, her soft lips leaving a burning trail on his skin.

Jeong-Won let out a low sigh, his control beginning to crumble. In one swift motion, he dropped the papers to the floor and grabbed her waist, pulling her even closer.

—"You're very bold lately," he commented hoarsely, his breathing already accelerated.

—Does it bother you? she asked, her lips brushing his in silent challenge.

—"Not at all," he responded before taking her mouth in a deep, hungry kiss.

Time seemed to stop as Jeong-Won's hands explored her back, slowly moving down to her hips. The couch creaked under the weight of their movements, but neither of them paid attention. Y/N felt the heat wash over her completely, the fever of desire consuming any trace of the cold she had felt during her cold a few days ago.

They took off their clothes urgently, they couldn't stop kissing and touching each other, when he finally entered inside, she began to bounce on top of him, until he realized that she was starting to get tired but he quickly grabbed her hips and began to thrust into her, they both came moaning into each other's mouths and when they finally fell on the couch, with the room filling with the echo of their labored breaths and their bodies intertwined, Y/N knew that something had changed. Maybe it was the intensity of the moment or the way Jeong-Won looked at her, as if he never wanted to let her go.

Unbeknownst to both of them, that afternoon would be the beginning of something much bigger: the life that was beginning to form within her, the fruit of a love that, against all odds, had been reborn to stay.

This story does not follow the plot of the series, tell me if you like it and if you want me to tag you in the chapters🫶

Tag list:

@anamiad00msday , @czarinera , @beebeechaos, @muchwita, @otakusimp1, @aori-aka03-blog, @preppyfella

THE CALL MASTERLIST

[netscapenavigaytor]

list of possible netscapenavigaytor tags:

something kind of insane and only tangentially relevant

talking about fictional character

hopefully genuinely thoughtful insight and commentary to the post at hand

deeply baring my soul for the whole fucking world to see

"this is so fucking swag awesomesauce badass"

[vynnyal]

Finally finishing totk

[burinazar]

Birthday Completed.. Am Thirtey Twoe

[curseweb-www]

I have. Awaked.

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[batsplat]

seen people talk about how marcs 2012 season was the reason the penalty point system was introduced (that made vale start from the back in 2015 which is admittedly absolutely absurdly funny) so here i am to ask my favorite motogp historian for thoughts (and prayers?) mostly about what exactly marc DID to make that happen (kinda funny also that he was branded a track terrorist from day 1 😭) and why they struck it in the mid 2010s?

okay so I'm gonna be lazy here and start out by just including what I put in the marc race recs post:

phillip island 2011 was the worst incident, and marc was criticised by motogp riders too, including valentino and casey. that one was like... it was just straight up dangerous and also incredibly stupid, I mean you're trying to get an extra lap in at the end of fp1 and are putting yourself and other riders in serious danger (definitely a case where you can argue that the penalty didn't go far enough and a race ban would have been warranted). marc can sometimes be pretty bullish in response to criticism while still going away and kinda realising what he'd done was a bad idea, quietly adjusting his behaviour... examples include this, where he had his team appeal the penalty, as well as of course 2018 argentina, where he talked down the 'mistakes' he'd made and said he'd done more wrong in the aleix than the valentino incident (which may be true, but it's the rhetorical equivalent of saying it's better to go up to someone's home and throw bricks through the windows than it is to set it on fire) - he is fairly good at learning from his mistakes, even when he doesn't always fully admit to them

that being said, of course he did continue getting himself involved in a fair bit of controversy during 2012. but it's worth pointing out that the penalty points system wasn't just a case of 'oh this kid is so bad, we've got to do something' - it was also a case of 'yeah this is being handled in a super inconsistent manner, actually'. like, there were times people felt marc should be penalised more, yes, but other times where they felt it was too much... it was just a bit all over the place. luckily, inconsistent stewarding is a problem they've managed to fix in the intervening twelve years, so we never hear about that stuff any more. let's just give a quick summary of the four biggest 2012 flashpoints:

qatar: marc runs luthi off-track in a deliberate and pretty dangerous way and gets a slap on the cooldown lap for his troubles, plus a reprimand from race direction

catalunya: towards the end of a race in which marc made several questionable moves, pol espargaro attempted to overtake marc who had just saved a fall - marc cuts across the track to rejoin the racing line and ends up colliding with pol. he was initially given a controversial penalty in the form of a minute added to his final time, before that was rescinded (which was unsuccessfully appealed by pol's team). see here for valentino and casey's reactions

motegi: marc 'torpedoed' kallio in saturday morning practise, riding into his side while kallio was on the racing line headed into a turn and causing kallio to highside... which he was not penalised for. some responses to the incident below

valencia: marc attempted to overtake corsi in friday practise, causing him to crash. this time, race direction handed out a back-of-the-grid penalty

it's a subtle distinction but an important one so I'll just stress it again: the stated aim of the penalty points wasn't to hold back aggressive riders like marc but to attempt to reduce inconsistency, which had been exposed in part due to how differently these marc incidents were handled. what marc did was create several high profile controversies, in each case prompting some level of frustration with how race direction handled the whole thing. obviously, there were other non-marc-related stewarding controversies, but it is inarguable that he was a significant factor in causing a revamp of the system

by the way, here's valentino's criticism of marc after the valencia incident:

here's a quick explanation of how the penalty points worked:

and, you know, for what it's worth marc did calm down in motogp... he certainly became better at operating in the grey area of the rules, approaching his racing in a manner his competitors didn't always appreciate but was certainly a lot harder to penalise. though there were also incidents that of course people felt marc should be penalised for - say after jerez 2013, jorge did kinda go 'okay but surely you can at least give a few penalty points for this, isn't this what they're for'. but it's not like there was unanimous agreement on that, see the immediate responses of some of the riders:

(bradley smith saying that jorge's last serious race was motegi 2005 - the one he got the race ban for - is a bit of an insane stance to take and doesn't really match up to reality, but it did make me laugh so that's something. of course the general point that during the alien era most of them were avoiding doing much actual racing isn't exactly wrong but. still)

not to make this a riding standards post, but this is the underlying tension when you're trying to decide how to regulate the sport... jerez was the first serious test that system faced - and it's one where race direction ended up calling it a pure racing incident. which is a tough call! I talked about it a bit in the sete post and what his stance was on the jerez 2005 incident, where he feels like this isn't a contact sport and shouldn't be adjudicated as such. it's a fundamental philosophical difference that became very relevant again when marc showed up fresh from his controversial moto2 campaign and woke up the entire class with his own particular brand of racing. from a write-up of the jerez 2013 race:

(motegi 2008 not motegi 2010, which is something I remember because casey's pass also allowed valentino to immediately swoop on through. should be noted that casey may have apologised but he did not give the position back to dani lol. also motegi 2010 is pretty memorable if we're talking about hard racing. fair to say that valentino demonstrated he did not share the approach of his fellow aliens when battling jorge)

and more on the shift marc brought about:

this is the thing, right - a big part of understanding that time period is concerning yourself with what came just before. the general feeling (unsurprisingly not shared by casey, jorge or dani) was that the series desperately needed some new life breathed into it, that the racing had become stale and sterile and far too predictable... there were several factors that contributed to this, from the beloathed 800cc bikes that were only replaced in 2012, to the approach of those three aliens and how adept they'd become at racking up wins by dominating out front, to how valentino (generally considered the most 'exciting' racer of the lot) had taken himself out of the competitive picture... I mean, in all honesty the racing is still not great in 2013 compared to the rossi heyday (it had gotten better by the very end of the 2010s), but of course there's a lot more energy to it than the years before. which meant the sport as a whole was in a tricky place where they both had to be seen to be constraining marc, stopping him from being an active danger to himself and others, while also kind of... letting him loose. a little bit of controversy is hardly a bad thing, after all - love him or hate him, everyone had a take, and that's the kind of thing that's obviously healthy for a sport

marc did get two penalty points that year for ignoring yellow flags in silverstone and crashing in the same place as cal crutchlow had just gone down:

(for obvious reasons, 'ignoring yellow flags' is extremely dangerous, but there's no reason to believe he wasn't being honest here)

he was also given another penalty point for the contact that caused dani's crash in aragon, taking him perilously close to that back-of-the-grid penalty:

and that was basically their position - it's a warning. broadly they wanted him to not completely revamp his approach, but just apply a little more discretion, exercise his judgement. a little more caution, a little more restraint. it's still fundamentally a different philosophy of racing than the one that had been espoused for several years by the other aliens save for valentino - but marc could get to a place where he was engaging in hard racing that generally toed the line without crossing it. a little more detail on the aragon incident and marc's approach to racing in the context of the time period from this write-up:

this is the issue, right, marc was riding on just the right line of acceptable that race direction would not have in any way been justified in slapping out race bans - though you can certainly argue that in some cases, you could have handed out more penalty points, which would then have meant he would have faced more 'real' consequences. in any case, they couldn't actually 'teach him a lesson', because he'd already more or less learned it... if the lesson is 'hard racing and contact is fine, just don't overdo it'. which of course, not everyone would agree with. the odd memorable exception aside, throughout marc's premier class career he's been very aware of that line, and has taken care to avoid bringing the wrath of race direction upon himself too severely

the penalty points thing and sepang 2015... well, first of all let's quickly bring in what the actual ruling was:

honestly, I imagine that if they didn't have a penalty points system, they would've figured out a different way to penalise him, and might have slapped him with a back-of-the-grid penalty anyway. not in a 'oh the fim had it out for valentino rossi!!!!' way, more that they did need to be seen doing something. the penalty points felt like a fairly elegant way of giving a penalty that wasn't that harsh and wasn't making any judgement calls over whether valentino deliberately kicked marc, while also in an indirect way ensuring that valentino would suffer consequences. and yes, it is a nice bit of dramatic irony - but the piece says it, the penalty "had to be severe enough for rossi to feel truly punished". the penalty points happened to be the tool they had available and perhaps with a different set of rules, valentino would have been handed a slightly different flavour of punishment. but really, this is more 'fun historical coincidence' than something that massively changed the events that played out

of course, it was a controversial decision that few people felt 100% comfortable with. on the one hand, if you believe that valentino kicked marc, then you probably would have wanted him to be disqualified - three measly penalty points does not feel enough in that situation. on the other, if you believe that valentino engaged aggressively with marc but without deliberately trying to make him crash, then a back-of-the-grid penalty that essentially decided the outcome of the championship before the final race even started is a tough pill to swallow. (of course there's also a position somewhere in between where valentino didn't literally kick marc but did attempt to run him off track, which would make the penalty 'about right'.) of course, the championship standings should ideally not determine what sort of penalties are being handed out - but equally, it's something that did limit the intrigue going into the race, and over something that felt quite arbitrary. the other penalty point he'd gotten to rack up the four total was about a qualifying incident in misano - which either feels like a silly thing to determine the ultimate outcome of the championship, or instead is a demonstration of how the cumulative nature of the points system is supposed to work. but yes, it did get a lot of criticism in the aftermath, with concerns over whether future title fights could end up being defanged as an indirect consequence of relatively minor incidents earlier in the season

and of course, the penalty points were eventually scrapped in early 2017. here's a bit more on that decision:

basically, sepang 2015 was a contributing factor to broader changes in how motogp was regulated, which down the line had the knock-on effect of getting rid of that penalty system entirely. rightly or wrongly, race direction felt like they had better tools available to penalise riders and this system was now redundant. anyway [insert another lazy gag about how the switch to a stewards panel has completely failed in eliminating controversy from stewarding] [insert pithy closing line] [press post]

[momentomori24]

Long-ass fandom rant because I need to scream into the void to find a reason to live let's gooooo

[For context I wrote most of this last friday which I thought was good to mention so the timeline makes a bit more sense. I really held off on this one XD Welp, let's start this trainwreck.]

Ok, I know I have other long posts I should be paying attention to (*cough* Keiji's shady shenanigans rant *cough*) among other probably more important things, but quickly wanna get this off my chest because it's kinda started to bug me and add even more concerns about the yttd fandom than I already have. This is specifically going to be about soushin-- yeah, yeah, I know-- but also bleed into something more... broad. Or broader. Idk, I'm a Tumblr user not a grammar teacher.

While browsing through Twitter I've been noticing a little spike in popularity for yttd with more fans and soushin shippers emerging as well. Which is cool, the game deserves all the praise and popularity it can get. And as someone whose been here for years, I'm glad that the fandom is slowly and steadily grown more accepting of soushin compared to the attitude around it way back when. There's been some genuinely really cool stuff that really does the ship justice from a lot of talented artist and writers that I absolutely love (will link some later), but something I've also been seeing a lot of from fans is what I can only describe as a "sanitisation resurgence" (but not really. kinda). A week or two ago on Twitter I stumbled across some soushin discourse where some people were sharing the sentiment that "if soushin end up being related and/or have a big age gap the ship is ruined". That they can only be two years apart max or else Nankidai has "fumbled them".

And the only response to that I had is "what". Like, how is that a deal breaker to you lot? How did you even get into the ship without accepting that those things could very likely end up being canon? How are you here and not ready to ship them no matter what's revealed about them after everything we've learned about them? Midori and Shin possibly being related was always on the table, and Midori potentially having already been an adult when Shin was in high school was always a very real possibility ever since we learned that he was never actually a student at his school. This is literally what soushin shippers got harassed by antis for years ago. Soushin is "problematic", and that's why people who shipped them where treated so badly in the fandom or just excluded all together. I can't count how many timed I've come across a "soushin shippers dni" or "soushiners are freaks and I hope you all have a bad day" or soushin fanfics/art with "I DON'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT BTW" and "not a ship" and "actual soushin shippers dni" attached to it. I can't recall how many times I had to explain myself with the "I ship but I don't condone it irl" or explain why I shipped them to not be labelled as a freak as if you need an excuse to ship anything fictional to begin with. I still remember soushin artist @uououoon and how they ended up deleting their Twitter account years ago because of the harassment and slanderous comments they were receiving for ships the fandom deemed problematic. When a person was saying their goodbyes to them on reddit and made some goodbye art (which is now deleted), some assholes in the comments were calling them weirdos and pedophiles for how they explored fiction and "glorified abuse" (which are the usual comments to uououoon's art posted on reddit unfortunately). I only caught wind of this one because back when they were still active in the fandom they were my favourite soushin artist and I went through their stuff almost every day and was tipped off when I randomly couldn't find their account anymore. They were such a nice and incredibly talented person too so the fact they essentially got bullied by a flock of stupid western fans seriously irritates me thinking about it again. This is why we cannot have nice things.

Soushin is "problematic". It's toxic and subtly abusive and important to the characters in question, but that didn't stop people from going after people who wanted to explore a dark, canon relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise). How the actual hell did we go from "soushin has very toxic and problematic elements and you shouldn't be shipping it, you fucking freaks" to "you can ship it but don't make it actually problematic, you fucking freaks" like what is happening right now???? The worst part is that this is coming from other soushin shippers. The fact that there's actually soushiners with "proshippers dni" or "soushin is not for proship" genuinely makes me want to bite someone. Like, you horrible summer child-- not only are you demonstrating that you don't even know what "proship" actually means, but you're also spitting in the face of the people in our community that have CARRIED this ship for us for years. Why throw them under the bus to be one of the “good ones” in the eyes of antis when they hate us all anyway?

This brings us back to the sanitisation point: I feel like soushin is slowly being "sanitised" to fit the sensitive palette of antis by trying to make them as "morally acceptable" as possible. It's a worry I’ve had for a long time that once the fandom grows more accepting of the ship we'll be seeing more people basically scrubbing soushin of everything that made, well, soushin, to justify enjoying it. I've seen a bit of it already with a few people trying to say it's "not abusive" or just erase Shin's very obvious trauma by Midori all together for quite some time. Guess it's starting to happen on a bigger scale sooner rather than later. Maybe. Personally I don't think soushin having a big age gap or being related would ruin the ship. It just adds another layer of fucked up to their already fucked up relationship (I already hc Midori to be significantly older anyway so maybe I'm just biased). It doesn't really matter. I came here for toxic yaoi. I want nuclear waste level toxicity, not nuclear waste level toxicity presented in the most conventional and moral way possible. What would the point even be? It’s like packaging poison in a grape juice box. Like, it might be harmless to look at and more justifiable to think of as delicious, but it’s still poison. You making it look all cute and innocent isn’t going to change that. It's kinda funny and by that I mean not really that people will talk about wanting more "toxic yaoi" but when the yaoi is actually toxic and messy and horrific they will cry about it being "bad" or "ruined". You don't actually want dark dynamics, you want dark dynamics stripped of everything that makes them uncomfortable and dark so it's digestible to your tastes that don't even align with said dynamics in the first place. The worst part of this whole "soushin isn't proship so it's fine" bullshit is that it relies on trying to make the ship more "morally acceptable" or "legal" than other ships. Dawg, we are talking about abuse. You shouldn't be minimising that to say "well it's not [insert other terrible thing] so it's fine!!" That's not the "gotcha" you think it is. It’s one of the reasons why antis being into soushin made me feel weird cuz like you can’t ship it and then turn around to insult someone else, man (I’ve seen so many soushin defenders bash other “proships” to justify theirs like what are you doing--).

Realistically, the simplest and smartest thing to do when I see someone mischaracterise or butcher my faves is to either block or ignore and pretend to not care so I don't act on my sixth sense telling me to off them and myself. Realistically, this shouldn't be a big deal or anything that important, but this attitude is usually weaponized to harm and harass people who don't conform to their purity crisis over fiction. I'm in the unfortunate position of being not only a Your Turn to Die fandom dweller, but a Hazbin Hotel and The Coffin of Andy and Leyley one too. I'm used to being labelled a rapist and incest apologist irl who's delusional and deserves to be harassed and insulted by virtue of the media or ships I like (probably not a good thing). But people who are more active in these fandoms than me have it much worse as they get this shit directly waaaay more often while I mostly get called these things indirectly, which is what motivated me more to make this post.

So a couple days ago someone made some art of Monika from ddlc, Nikole (don't know the game sorry) and Ashley from Tcoaal. A lot of people on Twitter, unsurprisingly, bashed it for including Ashley to the point where some felt the need to clarify that they like her as a character but her actions (for some reason I do not understand like Monika has also done some seriously evil shit why are you not applying that logic to her too?). What struck me the most is that a yttd fan-- a self proclaimed "Midori enthusiast"-- ALSO quoted it to bash having Ashley in it. A freaking Midori fan. I told them to mind their business and start separating fiction and reality and to stop being a hypocrite, and thus ensued the most hilarious and stupidest convo I've had in a while:

You can literally count the seconds it takes for these guys to start throwing predator accusations and slurs at people. So "not exploring fiction correctly" makes me weird, but harming or putting real people on blast for nothing is free game, apparently. They're not the worst, both in this instance and in general, but it just stuck with me. Which is impressive, cuz I normally don't have much emotions to spare aside from general mild irritation for things like this. Maybe it's the Sonic feet.

But it ties into my issue. Midori's an absolute piece of garbage, yet some people will convince themselves that his actions are in some way justifiable to justify their hatred of something else (that is a lot less severe in this case) rather than love and let love. Tcoaal is not an "incest game" and if you describe it like that unironically you are not ready to be on the internet. No, it doesn't condone or glorify incest-- it literally does the opposite. If you need the characters to look into the camera and say "what we're doing is wrong and immoral" before doing something bad, I think you're the problem at that point. For the same reason you liking Midori (probably) doesn't mean you support human experimentation and torture, someone liking Tcoaal doesn't mean they support incest and someone shipping soushin doesn't mean they support abuse. These things are dark and shouldn't be condoned irl, but this is fiction. We can do whatever the hell we want. Being into darker themes and media doesn't have to reflect your real world views, but the inability to grasp that sentiment leads people to make their interests as moral and sanitised as possible and, feeling morally superior, will go after people who don't do that. This person deadass said that "incest is not morally grey and absolutely unjustifiable" (didn't even say that it wasn't btw) as if their blorbo hasn't committed so many atrocities for kicks that I personally find more unjustifiable. That line implies that they think that everything else Ashley has done and everything Midori has done can be justified because it wasn't incest specifically, which I find is a WILD thing to insinuate XD But it really does encapsulate the hoops antis will jump through to defend their likes while attacking yours despite the fact that it's literally the exact same as theirs. Rule of thumb: if someone accuses you of condoning something immoral because you like it in fiction, apply that logic to them, look at what they like and if their wet little meow meow is the Joker, Eren, Killua, Makima, Midori or whatever other morally bankrupt character you can come up with, take that as a confession and run. Cuz half the time these guys are actually nuts. While quote tweeting someone to shit on their art isn't the worst thing, considering how twitter has treated tcoaal artists the fact that they'd potentially open them up to harassment pissed me off, which is probably evident from my tone.

[Hi hi, this is me from the present right now cuz a more recent development came up so I’m using it as an example here too.]

While most of the things listed here have all been happening online, this attitude can come up in the real world as well.

As OP states, a bunch of hellaverse cosplayers were targetted at a french convention by haters of the show trying to ruin their cosplay. This is already completely unacceptable but the thing I can’t for the life of me get over is torching their costume while they’re still wearing it. Literally attempting to set someone on fire. All over a fucking show. It’s baffling how people can justify actions like this because they think your taste in fiction is so disgusting it’s Ok for them to hurt you. Not just online, but outside as well. It’s not the first time a hellaverse cosplayer has been harassed (last time it was a Valentino cosplayer but then again Val fans get shit from all sides all the time), and while I’m pretty sure these will remain as isolated cases it’s still scary to think about. What’s even more scary to think about how people think that their opinion on hazbin hotel has any relevance to the situation. So many of the comments in that post are just “I hate Hazbin Hotel, but—” or “I hate the fandom, but--” or “I hate Vivzie, but—” and I’m literally here ready to start pouncing like SHUT UP. No buts. That is not in any way important here. You not liking the show or the creator should not be important to the situation of cosplayers being actively harmed. You don’t have to signal your allegiances before showing basic human empathy, goddamnit. And what’s even worse is that some people have just turned this into a “b-but the hazbin fandom!!” issue, which is insulting. For example:

The “Hazbin fans do blackface and disrespect black people daily” is a reference to ONE Alastor cosplayer that nobody had defended. Not even fans. At least no one I can find. Yet they are using this one bad apple to generalise the whole fandom as "bad" and down play the amount of bullshit the hatedom does to fans on a regular. It kinda makes me feel sick that someone would look at a situation like this and spin this into a “fandom thing” rather than focusing on the victims. That they don’t deserve to be taken as seriously just because of the fandom their in. Some lunatic in the comments was literally completely minimising this whole thing saying “some red paint (fake blood capsules) isn’t nearly as bad as lynching and what black people have gone through in America” before calling anyone who called out that that’s completely irrelevant racist for liking Hazbin Hotel like are you kidding me. My homies in Christ, someone almost got lit on fire can everyone please stay on the goddamn topic. This is one of the rare moments where I was kinda proud of twitter as the majority of the comments and quotes where calling out their bullshit, but the amount of likes and some of the comments are still disappointing.

So what points am I trying to make here? This was very spontaneous and rushed so apologies if it feels messy cuz it very much is messy. But my main points boil down to this: Purification, sanitation and the “fiction equals reality” and "your fictional tastes reflect on you morality irl" arguments need to die. They just have to. While petting Shin on a daily basis gives me enough serotonin to find the will to live, the only true solace I will find is when people start being normal. People shouldn’t be getting harassed or labelled as freaks for fiction you don’t like both online and real life. People are not less worthy of basic human decency and empathy solely based on their fictional interests. People should be able to explore fiction however the hell they want without worrying about there being made a call out post on them somewhere. I search Tcoaal on twitter and there’ll always be a bunch of posts with over 10k likes calling all fans annoying weirdos or say it’s an “incest game” even tho it literally isn’t. I will try looking for some Valangel art on tumblr and see some loser use the tag to basically shit on everyone who ships it and lying about the treatment these shippers get while defending Charlastor or just shit on the ship in general. I just exist on the twitter side of the HH fandom chilling with other Val fans and literally every single one of them has either received death/rape threats or told to kill themselves, got ratio’d by a bunch of haters, had a call out post saying not to follow dedicated to them, had their art reposted and Val scribbled out, repeatedly accused of ““romantising a rapist””, or all of the fucking above. Valentino’s VA gets asked if he’s actually like the character he plays in real life or a fan being “relieved that he didn’t abuse them like Valentino” when they met (kudos to Joel for being chill about it btw I would be fuming this fandom does not deserve this man). I type in a certain controversial yttd ship to search and most of the latest posts are just people being rude, saying that if Nankidai makes them canon they’ll drop the game, calling the man himself a freak, calling other shippers freaks, shitting on soushin as well and then having soushiners defend their ship while also shitting on said controversial ship. It genuinely feels like fanbases are circuses and we are the clowns 💀

I could list other examples people being weirdos but I can't do that without breaking the momentum of this post even more than I already have. I guess what I wanted to vent about is how these attitudes regarding fiction and the way people police how others engage with it and how people think of you based on what you like can go from just annoying to downright dangerous more often than you’d think. That belief that you are morally superior to someone else based on the fact that you ship or like things the “legal” and “pure” and “healthy” way (which is never actually the case btw) can lead to you being really disrespectful or a complete asshole and not feeling bad about it at all, which does more harm than good. Which is why I thought it was important to bring up more extreme cases to empathise how this obsessive gatekeeping of fiction can and does hurt real people, who should be more important to you than fictional characters.

All of this is very likely going to sound very aggressive in tone and I want to quickly clarify that this is not meant to be an attack towards anyone in particular. I'm just tired and recalling all this stuff is making my mood sink like a stone lmao. Who knows, maybe I'm just overexaggerating and things won't get worse when the game gets more popular. This is just what I've been witnessing both in and out of my side of the moon. The amount of yttd fans I've seen act like this are a lot tho. No fandom is perfect obviously, and this one is the farthest from it, but with new people coming in and this weird attitude and need to sanitise not only towards soushin, but other "problematic" ships and media as well growing more prominent (mostly on Twitter and Tiktok) my biggest worry is that the hostility in this fandom will just... increase? Roulettefeel made pretty good posts about it-- my favourites being this one, also this one and this one's pretty short and sweet, summarising most of my soushin points a lot better and shorter than my trainwreck of a post so I recommend checking them out. If you like soushin, go check them out. If you don't like soushin, go check them out anyway. They make stuff outside of soushin too. They're pretty cool.

[I also want to add that the whole sanitisation thing in the yttd fandom is nothing new. It’s been a thing for longer than I have been here. I’ve just been seeing it again with soushin, which is was what made me want to do this in the first place. There’s another dynamic the fandom obviously does this for, but uttering it would not only get me flamed but straight up burned at the stake of bad takes so I’m saving that for a rainy day.]

Aaaaannd, I'm done, I think. I didn't have a good conclusion for this in mind. Idk, just be nice? You don't have to like "proships" (or what the fandom has defined as proship cuz that's not the actual definition), but that's what the block buttons for. Don't like, don't read, I say. Fandoms are for everyone and as long as what the person is doing is harmless, let them feel safe being themselves without having to worry about someone coming after them. Real life cops already suck. Let's not bring them into our collective escapism. And something you personally don't like ending up canon doesn't mean the game or ship is "ruined". That doesn't just go for soushin. That goes for other things too. To tie up loose ends, soushin having an age gap or being related has always been on the table and fits with other themes in the narrative. That does not count as "bad" if it makes sense. Soushin is not "Ok to ship" because it's "not an illegal ship" (whatever tf that means) and it's not "bad to ship" because it's "romanticising abuse". It's fine to ship because it's fictional. You don't need a moral justification to ship anything. That goes for all ships. That's why NOTPs exist. And "proship" doesn't and has never meant "shipping problematic pairings". It's a stance on shipping. It means being pro people being allowed to ship whatever they want. That includes being cool with problematic pairings, but is not limited to those. It means not being a fandom cop. Please stop saying otherwise, I cannot keep living this way--

Soooouuu, to end off on a more positive note and finally put this whole thing to bed I'll link some of my fav newer soushin accounts for anyone who's interested:

Hyo (orewagahai on ao3 check that out too): They are an amazing, amazing writer. If you're into dark, abusive co-dependent, complicated soushin with beautiful characterisation I would highly recommend. They just posted another soushin drabble on twitter and it's great.

jinn: They've been putting out banger after banger ever since getting into the game. Their art is absolutely stunning and they upload frequently, so go check 'em out if you can! It's actual medicine for the soul, I promise. They also draw for dead plate, so if you're into that go ahead too.

angel: Also cool. They're soushin art is hilarious and cute. As much of a sucker as I am for toxic, abusive sludge, they give thses two idiots a silliness that I enjoy. Also if you like trans!Shin content they're pretty good.

欣武 (my dumbass forgot to add them the first time sorry): They are INCREDIBLE. Extremely incredible artist. Their art is so, so freaking good. Not checking them out is absolutely your loss, ngl.

Be nice to them. If I catch anyone attempting to annoy them I'm coming after you and your entire family. Let's be better and not chase new comers off this time :3 Thanks for listening to my incoherent venting. This is mostly for me to feel a bit better, but anyone is free to read. If anyone's got an opinion or observation, feel free to offer it. I need coffee. Coffee sounds good.