#with the people who dont take responsibility whatsoever

[geniemillies]

i will never be convinced on rhysand the better high lord when tamlin opened his court to refugees during amarantha's reign, began celebrating festivities that didn't belong to spring just so they'd feel at home, played for them too with his silly fiddle omg, refused to send his people beyond the wall until he was desperate, felt them die because their bond as subject and high lord was just too great (sarah's words not mine), even buried a lesser fae in his court after he was brutalized by amarantha, dug the ground with his haaaands, said lesser fae wasn't even his subject but he offered him peace and company during his death anyway. then there's mister change takes time over here, has his people living in harsh conditions in camps, under a mountain where they cannot leave because they're more weapons than people. so if you were born anywhere in his court that's not velaris sucks to suck i guess.

don't even get me started on his family being in charge while he was gone for 50 yrs because their circus troupe didn't do squat either. cassian is a privileged boy who has lost all emotional connection to his own people. idk what azriel does besides do a job he doesn't even want to do and mope around i guess. morrigan hates her people, morrigan 'i'm the exception, everybody evil except for me and i will make no effort to change anything bc im too pretty for that'. amren. amren wtf even is she doing in the night court. not even from the lands and she's already named second in command, that's all i have to know about the high lord. what is she commanding? *in damian's voice* she doesn't even go here!!!

tamlin did more for spring and people from other courts in those fifty years than the ic will ever consider doing for the night court. morrigan couldn't lift a pinkie, if you mention doing anything for hewn city she'd start whining throwing up waa waa waa, grown ass woman. cassian kisses the dirt rhysand steps on, if he says bark he out here 🐕. amren is just there for shits and giggles. azriel.

so if anyone sat on their asses it's rhysand and his ragtag group of powerful people who don't do shit with it. illyrians still suffer in the camps, hewn city still trapped in a mountain where abuse is the norm. and they aaaalll stiiill haaaate youuur aaaasss 💥💥💥💥💥

[kaidatheghostdragon]

Halfas and Fear Gas

Ive seen a lot of "fear gas makes danny high." Its hilarious and i love it. Other variations i recall seeing are: fear is not as potent, complete immunity, 'food supplement' fear gas, and the boring 'effects him like normal.'

BUT.

I haven't really seen anyone treat effect effect on the brain and core as separate processes. In other words, humans get affected one way, ghosts get affected another way, and halfas get blasted by both.

We already know how normal humans are affected, so we dont really need to go over that. Ghosts, however, are free reign. (Unless there's a canon incident where a ghost like boston brand or gentleman ghost are exposed to a fear gas attack? Any DC canon nerds out there that know of something like that?)

The options I've seen or thought up so far:

Complete immunity - ectoplasm just doesn't react to physical matter in a way that impacts the ghost. Fear gas, as in the chemical itself, has no effect whatsoever.

Effects ghosts like humans. Straight forward, it's a bit weird if you think about it, but eh.

Fear gas, as in the chemical itself, is like ghost weed, or perhaps something stronger. Might be hallucinogenic, but in a bad trip sort of way rather than a worst fear sort of way

Fear gas, as in the chemical itself, is accidentally a super effective health suppliment for ghosts

If emotions are food to ghosts, fear gassed humans can span the range between 'delectable snack sprinkled with extra sugar' to 'weird chemical food that isnt healthy but will still sustain you' to 'supercharged health snack completely saturated by nutrients'

Fear gas, either the chemical itself or the people affected by it, has a distinct smell. It could be good, bad, or neutral, possibly related to how it affects the ghost. (Or deceptive, for humor and/or angst.)

Fear gas is outright toxic to ghosts. Perhaps the chemical itself is similar to, but just left of, ectoplasm. Like many artificial chemicals that can substitute various nutrients / usurp metabolic pathways in humans, it could have any number of mild to debilitating, short to long term effects on ghosts.

(If anyone has another idea, feel free to add)

Now we get to halfas, who have both a human brain and a ghost core. Dany has a human body and brain that are affected normally by the fear gas: hallucinations, panic attack, adrenaline response, etc etc. Someone better at biology can describe the actual biochemical processes going on.

But the ghost core? Added on top of All That? Can be excessively angsty, somewhat mitigating, or outright hilarious.

Going through the list of options:

Complete immunity.

This sounds boring, but its actually my favorite. Why? Because danny is getting conflicting signals. His brain is compromised and in full panic, but his core is telling him that he's completely safe. As a hybrid, Danny could be capable of having critical thought with both organs. If he's clever enough to recognize the seperation between the two, he can exploit it as a sort of anchor (I'm imagining it somewhat like how a multitasker can do different things with different senses, like listening to an audio book while solving a jigsaw puzzle - the book is auditory, the puzzle is visual and tactile, neither interfere with the other.)

Danny, in this scenario, is definitely in an altered state of consciousness, seeing things that aren't there and right on the cusp of panicking or defending himself. But if he can recognize that his core is unaffected, he can focus on the sensory input that his core is processing, and the whole situation might be somewhat equivalent to becoming lucid in the middle of a nightmare - its terrifying, but just the recognition that it isn't real takes the edge off. To him, it's now like being stuck in a VR horror game and being unable to take the headset off, flinching at all the jumpscares but recognizing that his body isn't actually being attacked or injured.

Affects ghost like humans

Danny could either be affected exactly the same as anyone else or effectively double-dosed as both brain and core fight entirely different hallucinations. Maybe if danny is lucky, he'll just black out from the sensory overload.

Ghost weed

This could make what was initially designed to be a really bad trip into something catastrophic... or mellow it out. Idk. I've never done recreational drugs. Both the brain and core are cut off from reality. The brain is terrified, and the core is tripping out. If his core naturally reacts to his emotional state, it's gonna amplify the effects, which is Really Bad. If the core is compromised to a point where it can't really process anything, then Danny is still trapped in a nightmare state, just more loopy and otherwise no worse than any human.

Health supplement and/or literal food

This one is confusing. Brain is terrified, core is satiated? Energized? A boost to his powers is gonna make him much more difficult to contain and treat. When he comes out of it, there's real potential for angst from danny worrying that the conflicting emotions of absolute terror and hunger satiation are a sign that he's turning evil. Especially if his core was instinctually feeding off of the fear of nearby civilians who were also gassed during the trip. That undercurrent of predatory satisfaction is gonna leave him awake at night for a few weeks.

On the plus side, feeding his ghost core might help it clear out the toxin faster, so the trip is much shorter. Maybe he even pulls out of it before he accidentally causes any damage with his powers.

Smelly

Pretty straightforward. If it smells bad, Danny is automatically gonna hold his breath, limiting his exposure. If it smells good, he might take a good few wiffs before realizing what's up and holding his breath, or just keeps dosing himself more and more as that effects, good or bad to the core and definitely bad to the brain, settle in.

Toxic

Has the potential to be much more long-term and insidious. You can run the full gamut here. Does he need to be restrained and taken to the far frozen for days or even weeks of treatment? Does the ectoplasm incorporate the drug, and Danny has to suffer weeks or months of microdosing until it's used up, turning him into a paranoid schizophrenic during that time? Is it blood blossoms 2.0? Does it have no mental effects but screws with his powers? Does it influence his emotional self-control? Does he grow the ghost equivalent of a tumor that encapsulates the toxin and has to be surgically removed? Does he need supplemental ecto to remain healthy, temporarily, or permanently? Does it affect his ectosignature or peak power level? Injure his core? Lower his healing factor?

All of this is on top of the initial fear gas trip, which he may have never even fully pulled out of. The angst possibilities are endless.

Then, there are liminals who have the potential to be affected like halfas or in an entirely different way. Does your headcanon give them proto-cores or baby ghost cores, or are they just severely ectoconaminated? How would that change their symptoms?

Anyways, just some ideas for people to use. My favorite idea so far, that I'd love to see someone use, is that Danny has learned to use his separate brain and core as insurance against mind control and mind-altering drugs. The freakshow incident was a sort of catalyst that helped him recognize the differences between his brain and core, and he taught himself how to lean into one or the other for various advantages in different situations. (Sort of like how a person can lean on either logic or intuition to make different types of choices.)

There's a lot of interesting potential here. Essentially, Danny could teach himself to be immune to mind-control and greatly resistant to drugs, as he can evaluate his surroundings with both organs and identify differences. Mind control wouldn't work unless it targeted BOTH brain and core, as he could shift to the uncontrolled one to break away. Any drug designed to knock out or roofie a human is countered by the fact that danny's core still remains conscious of his surroundings, and creative use of ghost powers counters the accompanying paralysis.

If ghosts dont sleep, one could argue that Danny's core is in a meditative state when his brain rests, which is why his ghost sense can wake him up from a dead sleep - he's never fully unconscious. Workoholic danny could find a way to get homework or paperwork done, or solve a problem, or design a piece of tech, or even play a videogame, while 'sleeping,' even using ectokinesis to move stuff while his body is sleep-paralyzed. Sleep-deprived danny is still functional because his core isn't affected by his brain's lapses in consciousness from micro-naps. (He is a lot moodier, though. His core is more emotion-focused while his brain is more logic-focused, on top of the normal mood-swings from sleep deprivation.)

This version of danny, after being fear-gassed, immediately recognizes that his brain and core are suddenly experiencing two different realities. He would be able to talk himself down from a panic attack and slowly find his way to safety. He probably wouldn't trust himself to hold back if he got in a scuffle, but he would be coherent enough to vaguely understand his surroundings to avoid danger.

And lastly, something I dont recall seeing in any fics - if the bats encountered fear-gassed Danny, and he's aware enough to refuse an antidote, I dont think the bats would push it. Yeah, forcing more medical trauma on our favorite blorbo is all good and fun, but he clearly has an altered metabolism that was affected differently by the fear gas than normal, so there's a heightened risk that the antidote would also have an altered affect, for the reward of removing the effects of fear-toxin (which is no longer guaranteed), which danny is already showing he's capable of working through.

On top of that, medical professionals are not allowed to force treatment if the patient refuses them and can walk it off. (If they are unconscious or can't get up on their own, they can intervene.) Medical conditions and allergies are a thing too, and its the priority of the patient to inform the medical worker as soon as possible to prevent complications. Jazz may have coached Danny about "in a medical emergency, declare closet-meta status with highly modified metabolism and unknown reactions to most drugs."

I see the conversation going something like:

"If you can hear me, im going to administer an antidote."

"Dont. Give it to someone who actually needs it."

And then the bat treats everyone else before approaching danny again to ask how they can help. They would be trained to take all of this into account:

Human male, visibly uninjured (unless the fic writer has different ideas) experiencing non-standard reaction to fear toxin. Probable indication of meta or enhanced status.

Victim is cognizent, replied to verbal communication, denied treatment. Appears to be managing the effects of the fear toxin. Not currently a danger to themselves or others.

Nonstandard reaction to fear-toxin implies potential non-standard reaction to antidote. Victim may be aware of medical condition that could complicate treatment, and is reasonably stable at the moment. Further questioning needed.

There are other victims in the area that are less cognizent, they become higher priority. Approach victim again when all other victims are cleared out, (in case of uncontrolled meta powers, to avoid further casualties), ask more questions and ascertain situation.

Once questioned further, danny drops the memorized line about altered metabolism and unknown effects, and giving Danny the antidote basically immediately becomes a non-viable option. They will probably argue Danny into being taken to Leslie's clinic, as he'll refuse a hospital (probably quite hysterically, given the fear toxin), which i'd imagine is the bat's normal protocol for closet-metas.

At least, that's how I imagine the situation panning out. Danny noping out before the bats return to him or during mid-interrogation is also extremely likely, which is gonna put the bats in panic mode for the next several hours. (Going to *any* secondary location with the bats is a non-option to Danny, for many potential reasons.) Danny is definitely going on a watch list (as in, possible meta with unknown powers, keep an eye out in case he gets caught up in another rogue scheme, need more information).

[magical-oppas]

I cannot believe that people are so disgusting that I'm here defending a Piquet but here we go.

It is NOT your responsibility to take care of Max's well being. It is NOT your right to have an opinion on his private life. You do NOT have any right whatsoever to drag her daughter into this.

Do I agree with everything she does? Absolutely not but you know what I do? I dont follow her on insta, I dont keep up with what she is doing, where she is going. If she happens to post something about Max I just go to her account, take a look and then go on about my day.

You dont own Max. You just like watching him drive a car, that is where your "relationship" with him ends.

Get. That. Into. Your. Head.

Max will never thank you for looking out for him. Max will never lie awake at night and go "you know xyz on twitter? I'm glad they harrassed my girlfriend today". Max will never fuck you.

MAX IS A FULLY GROWN ADULT MAN. HE DOES NOT NEED YOU TO DEFEND HIM AGAINST HIS OWN LOVED ONES.

If you have ever actively hated on a wag online, sent them death threats, harrased them in their comments etc you are not welcome on my blog. Block me. Never interact with me ever. And yes this also applies to anyone who has followed that vile kelly hate account on tiktok, even if you did it as a "joke".

If you disagree with anything I said too bad, womp womp go cry about it. I will not argue with anyone who thinks its ok to blindly hate a person for being in a relationship with someone you happen to find hot. So that rant you are so bravely about to send me on anon? Delete it. I will not waste braincells on you.

[yearning4star]

I’ve recently just joined sturniolo tumblr within the last couple of months or so, and its safe to say that I’m not a huge part of it yet as I haven’t really posted anything of my own work or really made my mark on the community in regards to customizing my page and making it truly mine, so i know a lot of people within the community dont know me and have never even seen my name within the community but I have some thoughts about the current situations, and I’d appreciate if anyone who sees this took the time to read this!

First off, in regards to the tripouts situation: I’d just like to say that as a member of the LGBTQ+ community (I am pansexual and asexual, if thats important whatsoever), I am not in favor of posting slurs, especially if it is being used in a derogatory or offensive way. Obviously we all know that the f slur has been used against us (us being members of the LGBTQ+ community) in the past and has been “reclaimed” by many people within the community. While that may be true, I personally don’t think that it’s appropriate to be posting that type of language on any form of social media, regardless of your personal experience with it. It’s the same thing with the r slur. While I am not sure exactly how others feel in regards to the r slur, as I am not an individual who has intellectual disabilities or anything to do with that. But what I can say is that at this point its just basic human empathy. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ve “reclaimed” said slur, i’ve seen many people speak out about how offensive these things are and that should be enough of a reason for you to stop and think for a moment. I’ve also seen many people speak up about the fake apologies and just the overall lack of responsibility. I may be younger to some people, as I am still a minor (not that it matters in this context), but even I know that what you’ve done is wrong. Like I said before, it is basic human empathy and respect.

(TW for the mention of self-harm and suicide! - no descriptions or anything too vulgar) Second, in regards to that one anonymous account (i forgot the name im so sorry): I personally have sh addiction and has attempted suicide multiple times, saying these things about another person who has opened up about their own struggles is NEVER okay. It WILL NEVER be okay. Everybody goes through their own shit in life and everybody copes differently - you have absolutely no right to downplay or insult the way someone else has coped. I hope you take some time to yourself and reconsider everything. I mean this in the most respectful way, but I really do hope that you get help. Whether that’s talking to a counselor or just writing your thoughts down to prevent yourself from contributing more hate into an already unnecessarily toxic community, please just take some time and reflect - work on yourself to become a better person for the love of everything good in this world.

Lastly, a note to anybody who is actually reading this (probably nobody but still). The world is already so divided and filled with hate, I know it’s easier said than done and this may be super corny but please just be kind. Especially with the current world news and everything going on in current events, we all need some love and hope in our lives. I’m not saying you need to befriend anybody you meet, you’re going to cone across people you don’t like in your life, and thats okay - but what is never okay is spreading hate and negativity. It doesnt matter what your past looks like, we all come from different backgrounds and everybody has a completely different story, you never know what someone is truly going through. Please take some time to yourself, just find some time during your day to reflect and let go of any hate or negativity you may have been holding in.

Some things that help me:

going for a walk

journaling/writing

talking to my friends

reading

watching a comfort show/movie

playing with my dog (or any other pet you may have, if any!)

going to counseling/therapy

taking care of my body (eating enough, self-care, sleeping enough, etc.)

[sammygender]

hi.. erm im back (anon from the last 2 asks) (im too scared to un-anon sorry) i want to ask (another) genuine question abt wincest because ur the nicest person ive ever met who's willing to talk abt it from both sides.

i guess i just don't get why people ship wincest? background: im aromantic and have a hard time understanding certain shippy stuff, but i do notice alot of arophobic statements in regards to the evidence given as to why people ship. ex: a lot of "brothers don't look at each other like that." type things. (which i know is not wincest exclusive and is often used by destiel shippers too)

also i notice alot of people being quite amatonormative (definition: the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance.) so it's hard to even take wincest shippers seriously when all their evidence tends to be perpetuating arophobic sentiments and stuff.

we can all agree that their relationship is seriously unhealthy. but i just have a hard time with it being even borderline incestuous. i also really like the idea of relationship anarchy (definition: relationships within this structure are fluid, and therefore have no solid differentiation between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.) so to me it's like. well it's platonic because they say it is? only the people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is and they have?

anyways i know im throwing a lot of words and definitions at you. you're just extremely helpful to talk to and i like what you have to say, so id be extremely interested in your opinions about this.

hi anon!!! im so sorry i literally yapped like crazy in response to this. had no idea i was capable of this much thought on this topic. everything is under the read more

TLDR for the TLDR: for me the 'borderline incestuous' nature of their relationship isnt actually the way they act with each other cause i do think boundaries of romantic/platonic r weird and fake (tho by normal 'societal standards' sam and dean r strange). its more the framing of it by the narrative and genre conventions of spn as a horror. i think. <3

everything im abt to say has been written on at length by much smarter people than me - if ur interested i probably have reblogged other peoples posts on similar topics and tagged them somewhere under #poison in the water and maybe #she walked in on us. i am SO sorry for the mountain of yap you have unleashed.

before i rly start, re: talking abt the concept of wincest from different angles/sides - its honestly so totally beyond me why people dont actually DISCUSS this stuff more. ofc wincest shippers are sometimes obnoxious when they go ‘NORMAL BROTHERS DON’T ACT LIKE THIS!!!’ over anything (like i personally don’t like the whole ‘sam and dean are OBVIOUSLY in love because they bring each other back from the dead!!’ thing. like why is that romantic. i’d try my hardest to bring my siblings back from the dead too.) but like u said pretty much all shippers do that. i think people are (UNDERSTANDABLY) squicked out by the idea of incest, even fictional, and have an immediate kneejerk reaction when people ‘corrupt’ their favorite characters by talking abt it in relation to them. and i completely understand just not wanting to engage with readings you find uncomfortable or odd!! TV can just be escapism there’s nothing wrong with that!! but i tend to find immediate negative reactions against anything that even ACKNOWLEDGES the incestuous subtext in spn uncharitable and annoying. for one, incest is a real thing that happens and its not shipping goggles or creep behavior to look at fiction through the lens of it, just as its not whatsoever unreasonable to look at, for example, the azazel demon blood storyline as a CSA allegory (again of course all this is real heavy and just one interpretation and absolutely no hate for fans who like… just don’t want to think like this <3). for two, i do think there is an undercurrent of it written into supernatural with intentionality to further the themes of familial horror.

so to kind of…. explain i guess… why i say i can see canonical backing for sam and dean’s relationship as incestuous or incestuous-adjacent (lol), i have to go back to the general incest subtext in supernatural as a whole, from a completely academic-interest and not at all shippy way. like i said ofc SPN is primarily a show about FAMILY HORROR - ‘family is hell’, to quote eric kripke in the pilot commentary. or at least this is how i view it; a lot of destiel fans, for example, tend to see it more as…. idk really, i don’t claim to have much contact with them, but certainly not usually a horror. an action-adventure. a western. a story about a Tragic American Hero (sorry im being tongue in cheek and bitchy). i think viewing the show with a sam-focused lens tends to make you view it as horror for… a lot of reasons which i won’t get into here. but i PERSONALLY - getting off track here, sorry - view it as horror. that’s what he originally intended, and it’s what supernatural is most successful at doing. and incest in horror, especially gothic horror, especially gothic horror about the family and the home, is well-trodden territory (where’s my essay from last term about incest in wuthering heights where i somehow ended up, while researching, on an essay about wincest itself). - and supernatural is full of allusions to it. azazel’s silhouette in the pilot as intentionally strikingly similar to john’s, when he first feeds sam demon blood (framed as a CSA allegory, whether intentional or not). then azazel actually possessing john later. mary making the deal that dooms her family for years after via kissing her father on the mouth. hunting portrayed as something abnormal, irregular, taboo in direct opposition to a ‘normal family’ (tho abuse also comes from the nuclear family etc etc). then you can look at sam and dean specifically….

from the pilot, you have the woman in white telling sam, who has just left to go on a roadtrip with his brother, that he’s about to be unfaithful to jess; even if this could technically be said to be about the fact she then attempts to assault him (tho that doesn’t really fit with woman in white lore?? she goes after people who have already cheated…), it’s still portraying jess and dean as innately in opposition, just as jess has to die in order for sam to join dean. all the loaded lines about ‘the way they were raised’ - dean telling sam he can’t escape it. supernatural is clear: the rot is IN the family.

OF COURSE all of this can equally just be about familial abuse!! and IS about familial abuse!! but the way the story unfolds DOES position sam and dean in…. shall we say Roles. sam is the feminised ‘bitch’ to dean’s ‘jerk’; they’re mistaken for a couple in 1x08, in 1x18, in 2x16, in s8; they’re compared to bonnie and clyde, to mallory and mickey, serial killer lover duos. crowley tells dean, ‘you’re lying to sam like he’s your wife’. dean says, at a later opportunity, ‘what about sam? does he want a divorce?’. an ANGEL tells their HALF BROTHER that sam and dean are ‘psychotically, irrationally, EROTICALLY codependent’. dean himself is unable to name what’s between them, explicitly saying ‘love, family, whatever it is’ (which is just SUCH an odd line. Like it’s love and family between you two Dean is it not??? Why are you acting like neither of those words describe it???). then there’s the way jensen and jared act it, their physicality, eg. sam looking genuinely like he’s about to pull dean in for a kiss during playthings 2x16… i also find the whole ‘brothers don’t look at each other like that!!’ annoying, but tbh, they do give each other wild looks sometimes. the end of wendigo sticks out to me whenever i watch it as a genuine ‘why is jared/sam looking at jensen/dean like that… what possessed him…’.

wait another addition - when i first wrote this i also totally forgot about 4x14 sex and violence, which iirc has dean’s siren, originally described only in terms of sex/romance, literally telling him ‘i should be your little brother’. of course the concept of a siren that isn’t really about sex or even romance is really interesting and one valid reading - and also lends itself to a reading of dean as aro which i rly like. but i don’t think that reading is any more or less valid than the more obvious one. (irrelevant side bar but there’s a 2003 sociology book about sibling incest that i read for an essay on wuthering heights called ‘Siblings: Sex and Violence and that makes me go ??? every time i think about the episode. Literally what. That has to be a coincidence. But??)

i think in regards to why people ‘ship’ wincest, a lot of it is of course just that they just kind of See It, for whatever reason. whether it’s the thematic (which i talked on at length already sorry <3) or just the way they look at each other or just because jared and jensen are hot or just because they think it’s really interesting to explore an added dimension to sam and dean’s already messed up relationship. same with destiel, same with sastiel, same with whatever, like u said. shipping culture in general IS hugely amatonormative - people love to declare wide statements about what people who are In Love do and don’t do, which are always silly and shallow. partly why i don’t really consider myself as someone who ships things in general.

i also totally agree w u that only people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is. im not aro but i also really like the concept of relationship anarchy. however, when i see the incestuous subtext between sam and dean, it’s more in a media studies way than in a way of analysing their actual Relationship (though to be fair i’m not a wincest shipper); eg. asking the question why is their relationship portrayed ‘like that’, and what does that say about the themes of spn itself. also it is just an interesting concept to a lot of people.

TLDR the reason i can view sam and dean’s relationship as borderline incestuous isn’t due to their codependency, or dean’s intense possessiveness, or how close they are, or because they spend all of their time together, or because they’ve brought each other back from the dead multiple times and get suicidal without each other. this is even though in our society all that together IS often coded as romantic/sexual and is definitely acknowledged in that lens by the writers (hence constant comparison of them to married couples) - because it could also just as equally be completely platonic and completely insane and the result of the world’s worst trauma bond (the latter which it CERTAINLY is <3). when i talk abt canonical backing for their relationship as borderline incestuous, it’s more about the narrative framing and context surrounding it. at the very least, their relationship is ‘abnormal’, deviant (meant in the most literal meaning as an digression from social norms); different from accepted ‘sibling relationships’, pointed out by the characters around them. <- none of this makes any sense but its 3am and im on tumblr so its ok.

feel free to dm also if u want to or just send an ask back!! and also ofc feel free to argue with/disagree with me in any way u like. or ask wtf i mean by anything cause i talk too much. tbh from what u say it sounds like u just don’t really vibe with shipping culture in general (might be an assumption sorry if so) which i totally understand/agree w. but i hope i answered ur question in some way somehow

[37q]

i do so much dismissal of my perceived faults by acting like its an inevitable product of my background but its not even particularly unique or tragic.

idk if im on the "resilience as a psychiatric metric" bandwagon but i do think two people with utterly no extrinsic emotional conditioning can internalize one event in euphoric or torturous ways. and i dont think its like easily attributed to "biology" unless my audience is willing to concede that anything is everything its "not" too.

actually maybe im just making 'emotional conditioning' out to be something more discrete than it rly is, so im underestimating its permeation from biographical preface onwards.

anyways im always like "oh someone who [doesnt have my background] could do the thing i want to do. its something permanent inside of me thats holding me back. those people doing what they want arent bogged down by [my background]" and i think thats just so simply and easily disprovable. but i most likely engage in that because changing myself feels harder than being miserable forever. which is also easily disprovable.

ahh i just discourage myself and instead of confronting the urge for discouragement i take the easy disempowered way out. i get so caught up in the apparent impossibility of my limitations that i overwhelm myself with possibilities for expansion and give up. no responsibility whatsoever i can just kick back and rot 🤤

finally, another rebuttal to myself (thanks for witnessing my externalized internal dialogue), the premise of "perceived faults" is already a faulty (hehe) one. and calling them faults gets them all caught up in cyclic traps of shame. i wonder tho if the conceptualization leads to the self sabotage or if its a post hoc rationalization of behavior

[cupcraft]

How do we begin to deplatform abusers in content creation circles?

It takes fans of course. There's a lot of posts talking about this (from me and many others).

But we also need to talk about fellow ccs. And their role in being complicit in abusers platforms.

It's not just the ccs who openly and brazenly go "I support them/they're innocent". It's in the ccs that mention them, its in the ccs that quietly unfollow but don't say a single word at all about it (and don't post anything supporting the victim whatsoever), it's in the ignoring the problem, it's in the treating abuse in some cc circles as not abuse (ie when ccs treated dreams allegations as "minecraft shit" or treated it like controversy and drama and not srs grooming allegations in which minors were harmed). It's in the liling a generic "support victims" tweet and thinking that's enough. It's in the moving on without a word. It's in the allowing ccs and ccs that openly support abusers to attend content events, to attend tournaments, to attend conventions. It's in the staying friends with them or speaking highly of their work. All of these things contribute to platforming abusers. Its in the way they speak over victims and make jokes about their story and dont apologize for it (thinking of xqc hasan and ludwigs handeling of adrianah's experiences) All of these people are complicit in abusers in their industry.

The way to destroy abusers is to not be silent. It is to speak up and support victims the way that they need. It is to hold both the abusers and their loudest defenders accountable and to keep them away from gaining power in their career. It is not just unfollowing quietly and pretending that's enough. And don't think it's impossible don't come here and defend your "fav" and say it's too large of an expectation. It's fhe bare minimum. And it's always funny, to see that it's always the women and genderqueer ccs that speak up first. The men are often silent, the burden of supporting victims in their career doesn't fall on them.

Demand more of your ccs as you do with fans. To destroy abusers in these industries takes approaches from both aspects to keep victims and others safe. Demand more of your ccs they aren't helpless or without responsibility.

[mnemyo]

a VERY long essay on V’s Day 7 Visual Novels as a Rika lover

.

while rika is an extreme version of this, to many mentally ill people “unconditional love” comes off as very burdening, especially for a character like rika who everyone who ever “loved” her before always had a lot of expectations for her to fufill. On a less character defined level,

V’s “unconditional love” is also a trap of sorts, in his story rika describes the “darkness” in herself. you see, if you dont show rika affection whatsoever she doesn’t tell you the root of her ideology, however, if you side with her in the rika vn sequences she tells you the story of her darkness and light (im aware she explains some of it even if you reject her but there is more when you embrace and sympathize with her) basically her analogy is

her darkness is not inherently born in her, her darkness is the trauma and negative feelings others inflicted onto her in her upbringing.

the darkness used to externally present as tears (sadness) until people responded to that, too, with more darkness.

In response to that darkness, she developed severe anthropophobia (fear of humans) until she was able to suppress her phobia by finding a way to suppress her crying. her tears stopped coming out but they were still there behind her smile, just welling up on the inside until she was so full of tears. the body needed to expel tears because there was no more space

unfortunately, the way the excess tears came out wasn’t by the physical tears coming out, rather, through extinguishing her own darkness (harming others, abused becomes the abuser) she lists these things that would expel tears: cry, yell, and do something others would hate.

(at this point you can comment on how you think she’d be pretty when she’s finally able to cry and notably rika is grateful but comments that the mc, too, looks like shes going to cry, this shows the scene is meant to be in a sympathetic lens)

continuing her ideology she says one day she found a devil swimming in the tears inside her.

the devil whispered to her her incecurities: that she was unlovable, that her fiancée secretly hated her, that she was worthless.

This caused her to cling further to V (her fiancée) because the ‘devil’ was sustained by her tears, and she desperately wanted to kill that devil by drying her tears. V has an obsessive ideology with loving someone like the sun, drying all of someone’s tears and vanquishing the devil inside them, an unconditional all encompassing love.

while V encompassed her in this love, she had a realization that this devil that kept telling her she was worthless and unlovable, was actually herself, the herself that was deeply hurt in her childhood and was alone for so long. immediately she became terrified, terrified of this man who so devotedly wanted to kill her devil she asked him to spare the devil, to stop this sun like love that would one day reduce her to nothingness but he refused, so she ran away to start a cult of people, like her, so filled with darkness.

she actually comments at this point that she wont save those in agony through freedom and charity (the way she tried to get mentally better before, by starting a charity organization) and that not everyone can be saved by freedom and charity, rather need fear and salvation.

another interesting thing is that she says V will never be right in rejecting her ideology UNLESS he sacrifices himself to blind her with his light, in which case she would lose everything (this happens in another route where he dies for her and she permanently enters a catatonic hollow-to-life state where she can’t even talk and is sent to a mental hospital abroad because no one can take care of her other than a specialist) she ends this conversation by posing the mc a question. when she one day has to make the decision (this conversation happens during v’s route where you get together with him) the decision being independence (what she chose) or stableness (v’s all consuming light)

there within hides the reason why the game says v’s all consuming, sun like love is negative. theres 2 reasons

1. his all consuming unconditional love is self-sacrifical and is thusly even more burdensome

2. this also expands on part 1, this love is stable but also causes a deep codependency, even if V did “fix her” who would she be? she only knew herself as consumed by darkness before but who would she be after? a product of v? v’s wife? she wouldn’t be able to recognize herself

she also states that to her love is both light and devil, love being described by her as the duality of trust + healing but also obsession and possession. she then states that v’s love doesn’t contain any obsession (while sounding negative a light version of obsession in a relationship is a good thing, think your thoughts being filled by your loved one and with possession theres jealousy and a desire for them to stay with you) without those two aspects the love is only light and endless undeserved trust is a bad thing and too much healing doesn’t let one take time to process each stage of a deep set wound, healing is meant to be a full process and sometimes there needs to be pauses in the process to *be able* to mentally process

another thing rika comments is that v wants her to torture herself which is what starts her explaining her darkness ideology, even commenting that no one ever asked her about her darkness before

this is concerning because if no one asked her about this before that includes v that means v knew next to nothing about all her trauma (theres a lot)

non conclusive list of rikas trauma:

- shes an orphan abandoned by her parents

- she was adopted by a abusive religious family and was abused and even implied sa by their priest (i’ll get back to this in a second)

- when she ran away from her adoptive family she went to a lot of trouble to find her biological family, not her parents rather her step-parents (this doesn’t really make sense as a statement but thats what she states, probably makes more sense in og korean) and said step parents also abused her!

- she was also bullied in school for being a not cheerful girl

she states to all this trauma that she didn’t even know there was light in the world, since all she’s known was darkness, that she thought she was born to be tormented and tortured or she wouldn’t have a purpose to live

now going back to the catholic priest abuse, this is most likely why she sees herself as the devil and why devil isn’t an inherently bad thing to her.

all this really to say that while a lot of what rika did is inexcusable like man after that whole life she lived + when she ran away to start a cult V instead of telling her friends and cousin she was mentally ill the entire time she’s known them he tell them that she killed herself! because he is so dead set on “shouldering the pain he caused on his own” he socially isolates the only other people who can show her light, ESPECIALLY since rika comments that the RFA all have their own darkness.

Thank you if you’ve read this far! I have a lot of thoughts about Rika my friends are sick of me. This is not to say any of rikas actions aren’t bad by any means but I think she’s a wonderfully complex character that i find easy to sympathize with and for any fellow Rika lovers (or someone who just wants to understand rika more) I would recommend reading the day 7 vn’s in her own words, she says more details if you side with her more.

[magical-glimpse]

Would yall like me to make a list of the the red flags i look out for in readers ? It is quite a personal list but i guess it can help people who reallht dont know how to go about it ?

///

YES PLEASE DO

✨Red flags in BTS tarot readers ✨

what do i mean by red flags ? I mean little things that, when added up, can lead me to block or ignore a reader because they are not accurate or responsible. This is a personal list, according to my own values, and my experience on what tarot can or cannot do. If you don't find it helpful then just ignore me and make your own lol.

a reader who does not have any boundary whatsoever (accepts everything or does not say what they do not read on)

a reader who never refuses a reading on any topic

a reader who genders people they dont know the gender of (calling future spouses Mrs or Mr, gendering them in readings)

reads on appearances ( tarot can give clues in personal readings, but it does not accurately predict appearances)

openly ships certain people together

openly likes one member over the others ( i dont just mean biasing, i mean their entire blog is 90% one member)

dedicates a whole tarot blog on one member

has no problem reading on rumors

claims to read in order to "spill tea"

entire blog is about "spilling tea"

never explains where they get their info from: tarot? oracle ? intuition? clairs ? No friggin' idea bro.

shit talk the members or the people they are supposed to read on

says one of the bts' members energy is dark or manipulative

says a member or FS uses "black magic"

does not have any idea or even opinion on the theory behind tarot, just pulls cards and hope for the best i guess ?

cultural appropriation

gets kicked out of a member's energy, comes back, is surprised it's hard to read on them again

acts almighty about the fact they can read tarot

acts aggressively towards innocent questions

doxxes people

a reader who does many readings, every day, never stops, never takes breaks. Tarot takes energy, if someone can pull many readings daily they are either a super saiyen of tarot endurance or bad at actually reading.

Someone whose FS readings of members weirdly pairs up with their own characteristics

Someone whose readings are dragging a member or a FS through the mud (ex: saying jk is toxic and manipulative and a cheater, saying taehyung got someone pregnant and forced them to abort, someone using the very real fears from within the kpop industry to target an idol with no other proof than "tarot")

thinks "divine feminine" and "divine masculine" are determined, or linked to in anyway, to biology

created the blog before and making posts before learning tarot, their very first tarot readings are bts tarot readings,( unless they explicitly say their blog is for learning purposes )

you dont actually learn anything from the reader, they never explains the process, or the answer or anything about tarot

their readings are always extremely positive or extremely dark for no seemingly good reason

readers who acts like they are never wrong

readers who share leaked pictures from paparazzi

readers who call a FS some sort of honorific name or put them on an inhumane pedestal

readers who claim themself (or others) are the FS

readers who act childish in general

I guess there could potentially be more, but this is what covers my bases as of rn. Feel free to add more so we can discuss them.

[spyroz]

i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

[tf2heritageposts]

you can take this as a joke but i'm the actual anon. i thought you were actually posting pro cop stuff and didn't know it was part of the game. i am a poc. i know you don't believe that but the reason i got so upset with you is because of how often my voice and the voice of my friends have been stepped over by white people who claim they care about poc. you're one of my favorite tf2 blogs on tumblr and i really got emotional and just wanted you to acknowledge poc voices because i felt like you were ignoring them. so many of my favorite creators big and small do that. i wish that i knew sooner you were not actually making demo a member of the police. again i don't want to come out with my real blog because i am scared but i am genuinely sorry.

i really don't think your a racist and that your choice of wording only came off as racist because i didnt know that it was the game's wording and not yours. i believe you are a good person and not racist. again, you are not a horrible person and i really don't think anybody who was questioning your choice thinks you are. i just wanted to see genuine acknowledgement of poc voices and overreacted. i'd like to see a more nuanced explanation of your casting more than drunken sideburned man so i can actually understand what you're talking about. again i am really really sorry and didn't even realize i was coming off as harassing you. i got emotional and take responsibility for any stress ive caused you. i dont know how i can make it up to you but im going to donate 10 dollars to your gofundme as an apology because i really did not mean to cause this and thought i was wording things politely. i'd donate more but this is really all i can spare right now. i am autistic and can be too blunt while thinking i am being fine. i hope you reach your funding goals and again i am very sorry.

i’m gonna take this as the actual anon and say i accept your apology. i completely understand why you could interpret it as me making demoman a cop, and i understand why you’d get emotional about it. i promise, i do NOT like cops whatsoever

have a good day anon :]

[wolfertinger]

Okay, I'm not personally involved in supplying evidence to this situation (nor do I support Wis AT ALL) but can I just say: using Wis admitting they fell into bigoted propaganda because of mental illness as proof that she's a Zionist is an extremely, extremely low place to go. Like you have plethora of evidence of the shitty stuff she's done, the horrible people she continues to defend, etc. and you're still holding on to the fact that she was once in a mentally ill state and couldn't differentiate between right and wrong until she changed? That's fucked up. Mental illness does shit to people, calling her an "ex-zionist" when she admitted to having a mental break a while ago where she wasn't stable enough to understand alt-right propaganda and has since changed feels incredibly wrong.

Mental illness can mess up your brain in different ways, including making you lose grip on what's right and wrong, especially when it's an issue initially unfamiliar to you. As someone who has to actively stay far away from even engaging w far right spaces because I end up internalising stuff even when I heavily disagree with it - using the small period of time she had a while ago where she admitted "her brain was mush" as some "evidence" against her feels like it's falling into ableism. Once again, this isn't in support of Wis whatsoever - but just a reminder to be careful and not fall into bigotry with criticism.

this evidence, was taken incorrectly. it was not to "hold on" to her in a moment of mental distress.

the reason why i included this, was specifically to show, that wis herself does not educate herself, on political topics. and for that matter. neither does salem. and it is dangerous, to have people that pretend to be allies, yet cannot bother to look things up, on their own.

neither of them, do political reading. neither of them do any research, into any politics or beliefs. despite putting themselves on a platform, they are incapable of taking criticism, and often, default to the positions of the people that coddle them most. take for example, wis siding with mari, an irl rapist and abuser, who admitted as such, instead of sawyer, simply because, wis liked mari better.

i show that, to give an example, of how easy it is for a ex nazi white person, to sympathize with an indefensible position. wis, using the excuse "i was vulnerable, and people took advantage of that, i dont have any responsibility here", when she was a 24 year old woman. is just plain dumb. i am sorry.

yes. people can be influenced, at any age. but, if someone that posits themselves, as this huge leftist, constantly talking down on others, for not being leftist enough. then admits, they do not research any of their positions, and simply parrot whatever is told to them. i do not, consider that person a leftist, or even an ally. i consider them, a fairweather friend.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

yo, mara i really like your "i dont want to be friends" response to the "can we be…." asks i always picture a cool girl that makes other girls go "カッコイイ(￣ω￣)" when you say this, its so awesome in its honesty+raw

hi anonymous;

honestly: i hate saying that, and things like that; there:s an important ideal underneath my personal feelings, there, that makes it feel important to say, in-kind;

in-part of bacterial will i need be shut-off from people and establishing relationships (i still fail here, and make plenty of excuses here to have them, though: still can:t perfectly adhere to ideals);

in-part because it seems more painful if i don:t be the deranged-moron in the conversation willing to be upfront about unsaid things; as i don:t think most of the people who express liking me, or wanting to have closeness with me, or converse with me, actually like me whatsoever and in-stead craftsome persona or paragraph that appeals to "the idea of what i:d like" & engaging with it seems like (for me) leading them on to some connection i don:t want to provide, and slightly more isolating than if i:d just been ignored completely (put misanthropically: "another conversation that is nothing but empties"); further: there:s grossness in seeming like i:d deny the aforementioned issues and try to connect despite that, as a manipulation where i:d be rewarded from playing-along and furthering-along like treating a persons feelings as part of a business model to create a Strong Fan with great impressions of having interacted me; instead: i just act like a deranged deadbeat moron who follows some programming (like a harmful bug) to say "I will not be your friend; I will not give you advice; etcetera";

i wanted to consider making a group discord for people who support me on substack, both because 1) i want to provide some community to supporters because i do (sincerely) value them, 2) i want to reinforce the connection there from substack and not let it wither in the way being aloof-deranged-deadbeat-moron isolate causes connection to wither, 3) i want to spread the faith where i can and need people warm to me to inherit or adopt those beliefs -- again, being isolate hurts this; the Shadow of all these things is the hidden [4th] cause of bacterial will that suggests caring whatsoever about the prior three is being drawn in-to the connective mist and light of server and the invisible things within that light: of course, becoming enraptured in connection and relationship and be drawn-in deep with rewards and love and good-feeling and incentive; and the [4th] issue staunches (poorly) the desire and opening up to community can:t be, and won:t be; adhere without thinking to programming and the bacterial will will flourish inside a hermetically-sealed type of faith; and it all sets unwell inside me; and i feel a longing i have to ignore, and a sense of dedication allthesame like blindness being passed on-to me by a hand of Lord God as-though it were Acts as-though i were of the goat separated from herd as-though it were St Michael (is that right?);

sermon notes from today, take care, anonymous; bad number of paragraphs in this message but it aligns with the subject matter.

[djpachipikachu]

omgomg i’m so interesting in you usagi/tmnt iteration!!!

okok first what’s like.. the starting point/inciting incident of the story if there is one?

second what are the characters personalities/inerests like?

HAIIII excitedly kicking my legs

the start of the main plot is when usagi goes back in time and is forced into the tmnt’s era of time ,,, he accidentally comes across an ancient relic in the woods with spot (these woods are made of massive ancient trees with equally expansive entangled roots , like if the ocean itself had been a forest instead of filled with water it is kinda horrifying) and it takes him and spot back to the tmnt era , before the relic itself was even created

i do plan on making a comic for this so it wont start out immediately like that but itll have some like . oneshots/episodic comics of usagi’s adventures before that happens, similar to usagi yojimbo’s way of storytelling

PERSONALITIES!!!! WEEHEEE!!!!!

usagi:

most similar to usagi yojimbo, a mature but still like . silly kinda guy ! in the usagi era he takes joy in chatting with people he meets on his travels, incredibly polite, loves to tell stories of myths and gods to children

although most of his days are spent alone with spot , his steed (spot is like horse sized)

he tends not to attach to people or things very much because he knows how easy it is to lose everything, so as much as he enjoys talking to people, he keeps his distance.

he doesnt dedicate himself to being a hero or anything … he will help if he feels people need the help but all hes really trying to do is survive on his own

hes basically like a formless side character . forced bystander in this story

its for the character development i promise

leo:

cold

hes the leader/general of an army, a bit harsh in his personality, doesnt want to be approachable or get close with anyone

hes stern and quiet and kind of a workaholic, his brothers think he needs a life outside of being a leader and Only a leader

tired ! so very tired !

a lot of shit that he internalizes

however a very strong leader and strategist, he is well trusted by those who follow him and they know that his main priority is to get everyone out Alive, more than fight for their cause

he protects fiercely , just insanely bad at showing it . the worst at social things out of all his brothers easily

forced to be an adult at a young age so he never rly got the chance to form a personality outside of his responsibilities

she likes reading in her lonesome though

raph:

PASSIONATE ! ABOUT MANY THINGS !

theyre the sibling that goes out the most and interacts with people on personal levels the most out of everyone ! they have a good rep in the general yokai public !

they do have problems with anger but a lot of the time they channel it into training newbie recruits , the main motivational speaker , they know how to encourage and pump ppl up

a bit recklessly bouncy in how they fight, imagine rottmnt mikey’s energy with mutant mayhem raph’s enjoyment of fighting

the most down to earth out of all their siblings . arguably the most mentally stable out of necessity

they love feeding pigeons and they teach lion dancing to a children’s dance group in the city !

donnie:

obnoxiously gen z . good god . insanely chronically online . most similar to mutant mayhem donnie

he doesnt go out like whatsoever Partially bc he has chronic fatigue syndrome and its easier for him to just stay home, partially bc his brothers are over protective of him and dont want him fighting in the war

so he helps from afar, piloting drones, targeting firearms into battle, building gear for everyone

he likes engaging in arguments online . most exciting thing to him . little fuckass teenager this guy

kendra is his worst online enemy and rival but also like . his only friend . rly sad . joking is his coping mechanism

he loves researching and learning things, it takes up most of his time when he finds a topic to extensivelt research and take notes on

his main interests are the usual coding, engineering, etc As well as the inner workings of mystic power

mikey:

most sociable next to raph !! a very altruistic spirit

he’s most similar to idw mikey i think , most upbeat and relaxed kinda nature !

However . he’s not at all as emotionally aware as any other iteration mikey

he’s very strong in his opinions, stubborn about being right, can very easily fall into a black and white point of view about things, its hard to get thru to him

he loves to dance the most, its how he uses his mystic power

whew okay yeah they might not be the Most accurate bc im still ironing out the main traits but here they areee

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

i banned myself from posting on tumblr (ik i haven't been entirely successful but an effort was made) until i submit my thesis so here's the shit i wanted to say in my absence (03/29/25 - 04/15/25)

Part 1, Part 2

4/7/25

accidentally bought waterproof mascara which i hate but it does work. sobbed for an hour and it did not budge at all wtf

4/11/25

the way im thinking about kissing someone for science. been thinking about andreil too much. i dont even like kissing, this would not help me write them. at least not emotionally - nothing could lmfao i don't have those feelings so i stay silly and guess and ask my allo friends. but it's been yearssss since i kissed someone. less since someone kissed me but i dont think drunk kisses in bars are going to help me with literally anything

i need someone who will have no feelings for me whatsoever and that will not expect sex to kiss me so that i can figure out blocking for scenes in my fanfiction. wAIT we don't even need to actually kiss i just need someone who is comfortable with gratuitous physical contact/affection and doesn't want to fuck me

instead of working on my thesis (due in 4 days) am thinking about andreil and neil's oblivious ass and the reason we don't have an andrew pov is because it's just him being like i have to kill that idiot every time neil doesn't realize he's being flirted with

andreil + kevin friendship soooo funny to me never die feral angry short bitches as scary dog privilege for anxious asshat who is an entire foot taller than them

genuinely if you think andrew+neil+kevin are not friends i don't know how to talk to you. arguing with me will accomplish nothing btw ALSO jeaneil bestfriendisms. will live and die on that hill. pry it out of my cold dead hands

i love jean moreau. this is known. i could not give a solitary fuck who he dates so long as they're nice to him. so like. jeremy is fine. i love him by proxy bc he's @eleanorpowers 's baby and i love her. this is just how it goes. the only ship i have ever actually felt emotionally invested in is andreil

me, completely exhausted and accomplishing nothing for hours: bitch you have four days. you're in so much debt and you have four more days. finish your fucking thesis. my good bitch. please for the love of fuck

4/12/25

i am actively in this moment filming a timelapse in the hope that it will make me work on my thesis. its working a little. but then also here i am on this fucking hellsite

live laugh lobotomy someone fukcing stab me

trying to LOCK IN but wrote 900 words of my aftg fanfic instead fml

can't imagine hating on kevin as a character. as a person however. oh sweetheart we would be having words

i've said something to this effect before, but i think it really is the killer combination of people pleasing + the insane levels of apathy i feel about my life on a near daily basis that, were i a Fox, would have me going like damn we're doing knives today : / and just sitting there. like unless andrew were actively killing me, which he would have no reason to do bc why would i be in his stabby business, i'd just be like damn maybe don't commit a crime in front of me i've talked to enough cops in my life. Everyone there cares about everything too much. In my head it's like okay i have scholarship to do this one thing. and i have to maintain grades to maintain scholarship. so i go to practice and class and then i go to bed. how do they have time for all this drama. like i remember once when i was using public transit bc who drives anymore anyways and because i walk or take public transit everywhere and someone started talking about stabbing people and i was like damn this is my stop (it wasn't) but like that was the whole interaction. i dont have a response for these people, can't imagine involving myself in their business

4/13/25

wheres that fuckin post thats like will you be a man and watch ponyo with me will you be a fucking man and watch ponyo i need to flood people's dash with it

also. and another thing. thesis kicking my ass. two more days fuckkkkk im writing too much fuck my miserable tamagotchi life and my bitchass tummyache rah

have yet to find a position i can sit in for more than mayyyyybe 20 minutes before Pain or Numb. somehow both tbh. it feels like my legs disconnected at the knee. have you ever been typing and your hands just stop being yours. what the fuck

laptop fan sounds like its fighting for its life

fuck me its cold as hell

the like three? specific vertebrae that crunch and pop horribly all the time are actually a bit concerning like bbg i dont think they're supposed to be like that

4/14/25

locked in too hard and now am over 1000 words over the maximum word limit of my thesis and am still going hahaha oh no

[vegantinatalist]

One thing that I've noticed, that is hilariously tumblr-coded, are the mass of posts with paragraphs of self-victimisation and the notes begging for enablers. It's ALWAYS "well I'm not rich enough to learn basic cooking (life) skills with vegetables, beans, grains, tofu, legumes, fruit, nuts, you name it (all cheaper than the standard vegan diet...), but as I'm (enter any demographic whatsoever) you couldn't possibly suggest that I engage with ideas, literature and options outside of my close circle, unless you're a facist."

I used to think it's bizarre, but I've come to understand as I'm older, that Tumblr really is rife with the Oppression Card and Anti-Intellectualism stereotypes. I only engage with cat memes and fandom stuff now, while I have words like "opinion" and "PSA" just straight blacklisted, because these people will forever be locked into self-victimising, enabler, self-absorbed loop. And I'm saying this a POOR vegan woman of five years!!!! Who's also healthy!!! Lmao

If there's any sensical blogs about nice vegan food and activism that you know of, tag 'em, because the non-stop circlejerk of "I'm the REAL victim for xyz, give me notes, no I won't include any alternative perspective" is getting boring as hell.

SERIOUSLY.

I am physically disabled and neurodivergent in a way that gives me constant severe daily struggle, I am highkey suicidal with a plan and timeline for when I will take myself out, I have shitloads of secondhand trauma from witnessing all kinds of things happen to the people around me growing up, including kidnapping/trafficking and death, I've been actual dirt poor for years lengths of time multiple times. BELIEVE me when I say I hate toxic positivity and unreasonable expectations and calloused attitudes towards the suffering, but being a "pushy vegan" is not the same as telling an adhd person to get over their study anxiety. Its not the same as telling a homeless person to get a job. Because BEING A PERPETRATOR IS UNACCEPTABLE! OPPOSING PERPETRATORS IS IMPERATIVE! It's closer to telling a pedo they cant fuck kids and face no judgement just because they were preyed on as a kid, they have a developmental disability, they have poor impulse control, etc. I don't fucking care. You can't fuck kids and if you cant stop yourself you should be killed. i just hate everybody who would farm/torture/kill to sustain themselves and then think this is a good world and their life is good and a net positive some fucking how. and then on top of that create more fucking babies who will do the same thing. and some people think they can get out of having to think about veganism because "well im super smart, i know that life is bad, therefore i dont have to be the change or kill myself cause none of this is my fault or my responsibility" (pedos and killers love having this attitude too) i swear never trust an efilist/antinatalist who isnt also vegan especially if its a man. they dont actually truly care or understand that the world is bad. 9 times out of 10 theyre just an asshole coping with being an asshole. and the vegans who arent antinatalists are always at least 20 percent delusional (far less than the general population but still annoying to deal with if youre a sane person) anyway if you really wanna do activism go on fb groups for animal rights activism in your area. pick someone in there and talk to them and use them as your guide. someone in there will be willing to send you updates, show you how they do things when they get together etc. shut your ego off, dont be looking to make a close friend, dont pitch a fit when/if they or the people in the group might have some views you disagree with. focus on getting together for the sake of the cause you agree on. theyll usually show you ways of doing online activism that are relevant to your area like political stuff going on in your state or county that you can support.