#with no one but his toxic af mother to help

[jewishbarbies]

my older sister loves to act like she “made it out” of our toxic family by working hard and doing it all her self like the iNdEpEnDaNt woman she is and she holds it over me like I’m a failure for not doing it like she did, when in reality she married literally the first man to show interest who had mega red flags from the very beginning and now she’s in an abusive relationship in a crappy little house with a husband who doesn’t value her and is obsessed with his mother. I’m working on myself and not jumping into anything without being ready and not abandoning my dreams just because someone showed sexual interest. and somehow I’M the one doing it wrong. 🤡

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 3/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

a/n: I’m sorry this took too long to post!! 😭😭 but I been so busy with college rn, I’m going to graduate this year so I’m like having a lot of work lately, and I wasn’t satisfied with what I was writing so that was the reason it took longer than expected, sorry!

I'm a sucker for cliche stuff so as soon as this fic popped in my mind l had to write it down, english isn't my first language tho.

I'm sorry if this is too long TT, but this is kinda a slowburn? it might contain a lot of parts so wait for part 3! One of the reasons this is long af it's because I would like to show you how Jaehyun and (Y/N's life is before they get together! So pls pls don't skip anything I hope you like it!

if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

The third day of the week arrived promptly, where (Y/N) found herself comfortably seated in one of the library chairs, with her chemistry books scattered on the table in front of her as she studied for the exams she had coming up, with Jungwoo beside her.

It was becoming her routine for the week; after last Friday's party, what she most desired was to avoid being at home, especially after having an argument with her mother when she returned from the party.

She didn't want to deal with her in a good time.

Annoyed that her mother had thought it was a great idea to take away her right to use her own car as punishment for disobeying her that night and leaving the house... staying in the library seemed the most pleasant option; with silence, able to listen to music through her AirPods, without her mother bothering her every five minutes and being able to review what she had learned in her last classes: it was something she could take advantage of. She took a sip of her vanilla latte, which had been sponsored by Jungwoo, who, in an attempt to apologize for abandoning her in that way during last Friday's party, promised to pay for each of her daily drinks for a week and a half, no matter the cost.

And even though (Y/N) could afford that or even triple, she was still happy about it. Gifted things tasted even better anyway.

Of course, she first gave Jungwoo a -no- beating after telling him everything that had happened during his absence, but still, she appreciated that her friend was okay even though she hadn't heard anything from him until Saturday night.

During these last few days, with a new routine, (Y/N) was almost always in the same places, at the same times, and if she was honest, she was surprised not to have bumped into Jung Jaehyun at any moment.

It was weird; she would normally see him somewhere around the school, either accompanied by Lucas or just sitting on one of the benches while smoking his 'n' cigarette of the day. But simply, since Friday, she hadn't heard anything from him... she hadn't even bumped into Lucas, which increased the level of strangeness, considering he was a social butterfly, he was always around. (Y/N) had been aware of her words after Jaehyun had taken her home: she could no longer continue with whatever deal they had, with all the stress of her own tasks and knowing that no matter what she did, her cousin wouldn't give up his addictions, it was best to give up.

Although it would hurt her soul to know that there was no way to help Daeho.

But thinking about it, she didn't know if she had really been sincere about each going their own way... apparently Jaehyun had taken it very seriously to not show up anywhere, and although (Y/N) knew very well that being close to him didn't bring her anything good... his presence hadn't been so bothersome in the last few days. Really, after sharing a few words and spending more time with him, she couldn't say that she disliked his existence. It was funny if you asked the (Y/N) from a month ago, there would be no way she could have imagined that, somehow, she would be related to none other than Jung Jaehyun, who, on the outside, just seemed to be one more problem.

She tried to stop thinking about it and tried to focus her gaze on the book in front of her, but after a few minutes... it was difficult for her. There was something inside her that made her feel uneasy but she couldn't think what it was.

"There’s a race in Kosmo today" her best friend's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

Kosmo was the neighborhood that was right in the middle of the city, dividing Kwangya and Neo Zone. (Y/N) knew that there were usually illegal races in that area because it was when the rich kids from Kwangya usually dared to compete against Neo Zone.

"And why should I care...?"

"Your cousin will go to bet," Jungwoo replied, interrupting her study session.

The girl opened her eyes in surprise and asked, "How do you know?"

"Daeho told Mingi, and Mingi told me," he replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. The boy fell silent for a moment and cleared his throat. "Don’t you want to go?" He asked curiously.

(Y/N) looked up from her books and observed her friend incredulously. "Why would I want to go?"

"To keep an eye on Daeho," he answered.

"I'm still mad with him, I've decided not to help him anymore. I really tried, I've been trying for the past few years, but he doesn't want help and now I understand," the girl confessed, closing her book and letting out a sigh.

"Still... don't you think it would be fun? Getting out of our comfort zone a bit... seeing what all this racing stuff is about. I've heard they're amazing," Jungwoo insisted.

"Jungwoo, my mom will kill me if she finds out I went to an illegal race," the girl continued, taking a sip of her coffee.

"She won't find out."

"Jungwoo..."

"Come on, (Y/N), we won't even be in Neo Zone, it'll be in Kwangya only. We'll go, watch the race, and leave. We won't even make contact with anyone. We'll go on our own," the boy assured her, moving closer to her. "Please, I think it would be interesting to break out of our routine, just for one night, what could go wrong?"

"Many things could go wrong, Woo," she replied.

"We won't know unless we try," he pouted, clasping his hands together. "Please."

She hated how persuasive her best friend was.

She sighed and shook her head. "Fine, but at the first sign of trouble, we're leaving without a second thought."

"I love you so much," Jungwoo replied, hugging her shoulders.

"And I really hate you."

______________________________________________

The night fell faster than she expected, and among the roar of engines and the intense music that could be heard on the outskirts of Kosmo, (Y/N) felt something cold run through her body.

She could see familiar faces here and there, some of her classmates from Kwangya were in the place, and from the opposite side, the cars and familiar faces of Neo Zone were present.

It was a strange atmosphere for her; she had always played it safe, and now she didn't even know what to think. She felt herself getting closer to Jungwoo to not lose him, the last thing she needed was for them to separate like they did at the party.

She didn't think she could survive alone.

And it's not that she was dumb to think otherwise, but her parents raised her in an environment where they made her believe that she shouldn't do things outside her daily life. (Y/N) was afraid of adventures. Her life was governed by being obedient and doing the right thing; she didn't know when the moment of rebellion she had a few days ago when she left home the night of the party had been wise.

And now finding herself in Kosmo secretly from her mother at an illegal race? She must have gone crazy.

She believed even more so that she had gone crazy when something inside her hoped to run into none other than Jung Jaehyun.

She didn't understand why the urgency of what was happening, and even less why she expected to run into Jaehyun before running into Daeho.

Maybe it was because she found it strange not to have seen him since last Friday's party.

But she knew that if there was one place Jaehyun wouldn't miss... it would be the race tonight.

"Are you looking for Daeho?" Jungwoo asked when he saw her looking around. "He's probably with Mingi."

How could she explain to her friend that the person she was looking for was none other than Jung Jaehyun?

She nodded without saying more, and they both continued on their way while cautiously observing their surroundings. The smell of marijuana and car engines was embedded in the place, the music made their ears ring, and the night breeze made their bodies tremble.

(Y/N)'s eyes drifted away when she noticed Lucas in the distance, having a conversation with another guy. Lucas felt her gaze on him and looked at the girl with confusion before approaching her after apologizing to his companion.

"Hey, Kwangya kiddos, what brings you here on this magnificent night?" Lucas asked enthusiastically.

"We wanted to know what these races are about," Jungwoo replied simply.

"Hmm, interesting," the tall guy nodded. "Well, you're in luck, Jaehyun will race today, are you sure you want to see the show? The best of the area against someone from Yellow Wood," Lucas explained while cracking his fingers slightly.

Upon hearing the guy's name, (Y/N) looked up and paid attention to Lucas's words.

"If you're interested in betting, come to me," Lucas advised.

"I think we're fine like this," said (Y/N).

"Alright, take care. I'll go look for my guy to get him ready for the race," Lucas announced as he patted Jungwoo on the back.

The guy walked away from them with a smile, and Jungwoo responded with one of his own, then he looked at his friend and frowned, "relax, you're anxious."

How could she not be?

But before she could even answer anything, a few meters away, she saw the familiar face she had been looking for. In the distance, the silhouette of Jung Jaehyun was leaning against his car while talking to a few guys from Neo Zone, his neck tattoos weren't very visible due to the darkness of the night but she could distinguish them a bit, then... as if he had called him, Jaehyun's gaze moved to connect with hers, making her freeze in place.

Jaehyun frowned when he saw her standing just a few steps away from him, looking like a lost puppy as she stood beside Jungwoo.

The sight reminded him of a month ago when Daeho had clumsily brought (Y/N) to Neo Zone. Although this time she was accompanied by her best friend, another rich and spoiled kid from Kwangya. He observed the outfit she had decided to wear, once again, just like that time, it wasn't extravagant, no famous brand could be seen in her attire, and the only piece of jewelry she wore was a pair of earrings that definitely looked like gold...

He hoped she wouldn't lose them tonight.

Because they made her look good.

The surprise was evident on the girl's face when she took a better look at the brunet's body, who was now walking towards her, wearing a hoodie with its hood over his head and as he got closer, the darkness of the night was no longer so intrusive. It hadn't been enough to hide the bruises that were scattered across his body.

There was one under his cheek, just below his left eye, and it was reddish, as if it were flushed. Then, looking at the ones between his jaw and his neck, she noticed how they subtly mixed with the ink of the tattoo he had on his neck. That one was difficult to distinguish thanks to the dark lines that adorned that part of his body, but if you paid enough attention, it was alarming.

When she lowered her gaze over his torso and then looked at his hands, she could see the intense shades of red that his knuckles contained, as if ground blood had accumulated on each of them.

It wasn't the first time she had seen Jaehyun or Lucas with a bruise or two on a school day, but it was the first time she had seen it up close.

Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. Why was it suddenly doing this?

"Did you lost your way home?" Jaehyun asked when he was in front of her.

"Jaehyun," she muttered quietly, "... are you okay?"

The girl didn't need much to realize that was the stupidest question she could ask right now, of course he wasn't okay. And although she knew this happened regularly in Jaehyun's life, she couldn't help but fill her head with doubts; what had to happen for him to end up like this?

... was that the reason he hadn't gone to school?

A small smile appeared on the boy's face, and even with the different colors decorating his face, she could still notice the dimples that formed in it.

Why did he still look good?

"I don't think you came here to ask that, Angel," Jaehyun replied mockingly. "I really believed in your whole story about us going on our ways, so what are you doing at a race where most of the spectators are from Neo Zone?"

The girl was left speechless. "Jungwoo brought me here."

"Well, if that's the case, enjoy the races, I think it'll be fun for you to spice up your Wednesday nights a bit," he continued with a sarcastic smile.

"What happened to you?" She asked again.

Jaehyun didn't answer.

He had gotten himself into big trouble... all thanks to Jeno.

He had trusted that all his merchandise would be sold by the time Monday came around, but after being at Johnny Suh's party, where other dealers were also present, he didn't manage to sell what he needed.

He had a little less than half left in his pockets and in Lucas's.

Luck had not been on his side this time, and when he had to be accountable to Lee Sooman, he had to take responsibility for his brother's actions. And despite telling him that he would not take care of him like he used to after the argument they had... he'd much rather take the beatings he had received than see Jeno the way he did in the mirror.

That time, it really felt eternal. He still remembers the angry (but also mocking) look Sooman had on his face when Jaehyun and Lucas brought the money to his office and after asking Lucas none too kindly to leave, that was when Jaehyun knew what was coming.

With Cheol Uk by his side, leading him out of the office to the vacant lot not far from the warehouse, Jaehyun could do nothing but accept what was coming.

It was one blow after another, and he knew well that at that moment, defending himself was not something he should do or he would end up worse.

He remembers feeling every punch with tremendous pain, and all he could think about was Jeno and how he would have felt if it had been him getting beaten up.

At least Jaehyun was used to the beatings and had no choice; he already knew that all of this was part of being someone from Neo Zone, so he simply had to continue to comply with what Sooman demanded to the letter unless he wanted to end up again in the position he was in.

What felt like hours was really just a few minutes; Cheol Uk stopped hitting him after a while and without saying more, he left. Leaving Jaehyun in the middle of the vacant lot with a broken lip and eyebrow as he spat blood and reached for his abdomen for some support to get up and walk to where he knew Lucas was waiting for him.

How much more? How much longer would he have to keep with all of this?

But, right now, it wasn't something he should talk about.

"It's really not something you need to know," he replied with a smirk. "You came to enjoy the race, right? Then do it, I'll be running in a few minutes, if you don't get scared by the atmosphere here before that, I'm sure you'll want to see me," Jaehyun continued, winking at her.

"I think it'll be fun to see you in second place," the girl teased.

"Baby... I always win," Jaehyun bragged, looking her directly in the eyes.

It was then that the girl didn't say anything else, she just kept her gaze on his. She hated feeling intrigued by Jaehyun himself. Because right now she didn't even feel like she was in Kosmo, with Jaehyun in front of her looking directly at her, she didn't even feel real. She was getting into fire and she knew it.

And she didn't know if she could escape from it.

For a moment she felt a heaviness on her shoulders and warmth surrounded her, causing her to snap out of her thoughts and notice that the jacket that Jaehyun was wearing over his hoodie was now over her body.

"You were trembling like a chihuahua," Jaehyun explained. "Don't consider it an act of kindness, I'm just returning the favor after having done my jobs those two weeks... at least now they won't kick me out of school this evaluation period," he continued.

"I'm not sure if I should feel good knowing that I'm indirectly helping an illegal business," she replied, adjusting the jacket.

"No one needs to know," he replied. "Good luck tonight, don't get lost too much because things get interesting," he said, and without further ado, he turned around to go back to his friends.

(Y/N) stood perplexed in her place, and it was then that she felt Jungwoo's presence next to her.

"What was that?"

"I have no idea."

_______________________________________________

The next morning, after putting her books back in her backpack, (Y/N) looked at the jacket folded inside her bag, feeling a heaviness and remembering the events of the previous night.

The rumors were true... Jung Jaehyun was the best street racer in the area, because he not only competed once the day before, but two more times, winning 3 victories in a short time, and to be honest, it had been impressive.

She hadn't run into him again after the brief conversation they had, and even though she had been waiting for it... she and Jungwoo bolted from the place when they heard the police sirens approaching Kosmo.

The last thing she needed was for her parents to find out about her escapade.

She didn't hear anything from Daeho the night before, she even doubted if he had really gone to the race.

She didn't want to give too much importance to the situation, which is why she chose to continue her path through the school hallways, hoping to return the jacket that was at the bottom of her bag and trying to divert her thoughts to something other than Jaehyun.

And as if she had summoned him, she saw him under the entrance roof as he leaned against the wall and took a drag from the cigarette in his hands. (Y/N) checked the day's weather and cursed when she noticed the raindrops falling lightly. She had forgotten about today's forecast.

Jaehyun was lost in his thoughts as he watched the rain and let out the smoke in his chest.

The bruises were still visible.

She stopped abruptly to take the jacket out of her bag and, without saying anything, approached him and handed it back to him.

Jaehyun looked at her with a raised eyebrow and blew out the smoke from his lungs.

"You're welcome," Jaehyun said as he took the jacket in his hands.

"Yes, thank you," she said, feeling her cheeks flush.

"Where did you park your car?" Jaehyun asked out of nowhere.

"I didn't bring it with me, my mom confiscated it," she blurted out without thinking, and when she turned to look at Jaehyun, she noticed a mocking smile on his face.

"Oh, mom took away your Porsche," he pouted mockingly and shook his head. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"I'm fine, Jaehyun. Thanks," she said as she looked at the rain.

"Come on, it wouldn't be the first time I've taken you. Plus, the school won't be closing anytime soon."

She thought about all the possibilities that crossed her mind, but something about her was excited to think about the ride home.

"Where's your car?"

______________________________________________

It was fortunate that his car was nearby.

Jaehyun turned on the heater as soon as they got into the car, and without further ado, the journey began.

It was just like the first time they had been together in the same car. Without saying anything, both with their eyes focused on the road, and it was then that they both realized that they didn't have a topic of conversation. The few times they had interacted had been about their interests and what they needed from each other at the moment. However, Jaehyun didn't know anything about (Y/N) that he hadn't heard at school, and (Y/N) didn't know anything about Jaehyun that she hadn't heard in the hallways or from her parents about the people from Neo Zone.

At this point, they weren't even acquaintances.

They had just coincided in something and that was it.

(Y/N) took the opportunity to send a text message to Jungwoo and tell him that he no longer needed to pick her up, without explaining more, she sent the text and subsequently, Jaehyun's phone rang.

The boy sighed and cautiously looked for a quick place to park even with the sound of the mobile phone ringing filling the car. He took the device and (Y/N) could notice the slight tension that seized Jaehyun's body as he read the caller ID, without thinking twice he answered the call.

The brunette felt weird being able to hear Jaehyun's conversation, so she tried to distract herself with something else. First with her phone, then looking out the window where she could see the rain beginning to dissipate, and then she could hear a "I'll be there in a moment" that made her react and turn to see him end the call.

The boy scratched his neck and then brought his hands to his face to rub it, let out a deep sigh, and looked at (Y/N).

“Uh, I need to do something quickly and your house is still a bit far... Do you mind if we stop by that place first? It's on the way” he asked with no other option.

“Does this has to do with your job?” She asked.

It took him a moment to respond: — No, it's not about my job. You can stay in the car, it's just that, I really need to get there.

After seeing Jaehyun's face and not being able to decipher what he was trying to say, (Y/N) nodded, not very sure, and that was enough for Jaehyun to quickly start the car.

Thousands of thoughts ran through (Y/N)'s mind. Eager to know where they were headed; she didn't know if she should believe Jaehyun that this wasn't about picking up or delivering goods or meeting someone who worked on the same thing he did.

She was only sure they wouldn't go to Neo Zone because they were far from there.

She could see how impatient Jaehyun seemed while driving, and that only made her even more nervous. What exactly did they tell him in that call to make him like this? She wanted to ask, but she knew she wouldn't get an answer.

She didn't know how many minutes had passed, she only knew that the rain stopped just before the car parked and she finally noticed where they were. A gray building was a few meters away from them, and it wasn't hard to recognize it.

It was the National Rehabilitation Center.

A long and large building, which was accompanied by an extensive garden, and from the outside, you could see that there were a huge number of rooms inside it.

Her head was flooded with even more questions knowing that this was the place where Jaehyun was needed.

“You can stay in the car if you want. I'll be back in a moment” Jaehyun said as he opened the car door and got out.

Curiosity got the better of her.

And that's why she got out of the car and followed Jaehyun. Without saying anything, they entered the building where they were immediately greeted by a nurse who seemed to know the boy well.

“Jaehyun, I'm glad you were able to answer the call” said the woman as she greeted them. “We need to talk to you”.

The boy nodded and turned to (Y/N), who just nodded and said, “I’ll wait for you.”

He smiled slightly and walked with the person until they reached the reception where she was able to pull out a few papers.

It had been, perhaps, about two weeks since the last time he had been there. A place he was very familiar with and where he regularly went; he had become good friends with the friendly nurses who apparently didn't care where he came from.

He was grateful that the nurse didn't say anything when his bruises and wounds were clearly visible.

“Has something happened?” he asked after a few seconds.

“ He's fine” the nurse said with a smile “but we need to talk to you about his stay here” she continued.

That's when the small smile on his face disappeared. Jaehyun knew what she was referring to. He swallowed hard before the nurse could speak.

“The payment is overdue, Jaehyun," the nurse confirmed what he already knew. "We care about Sicheng's health, but this is not my concern. You know that the center relies on patients' monthly payments, and the administrators in charge of them request them punctually," she commented as she handed Jaehyun one of the papers. "I understand your situation and Sicheng's, but there's nothing more I can do even if I wanted to; I've tried to delay the payment as much as I could, but unfortunately, it can't be delayed any longer. The administrators expect the payment soon, or we'll have to discharge Sicheng and send him home," she concluded.

It was difficult at first for Jaehyun to process everything the nurse had said, as more than ten things ran through his mind at once; one of them being his good friend Winwin, then, thinking about how he could quickly get the money he knew he owed to the clinic, considering the beating he had just received for not being able to complete a sale. So, what would he do? He still needed half the money for that monthly payment, and between the clinic's expenses and those of his own house for his family, he couldn't see a way to get the money on time.

He would have to ask for more stash to sell if he wanted to do it.

He couldn't let them discharge Sicheng.

Not while he hasn't made progress.

"I'm sorry," Jaehyun said. "I... I still have a little left to complete the payment. It's just that lately, it's been harder, and... how much time do I have to pay it?" the breathless boy asked.

"Considering that it's only the first few days of the month, and the payment is already two weeks late... I can't give you more than three days," lamented the nurse, making a grimace.

"I'll try the impossible to bring you that money on Saturday. Sicheng still can't be discharged; he hasn't progressed the way he was supposed to," he affirmed, a slight pout evident in his mouth.

What a contrast there was between his expression and the bruises, accompanied by the tattoos on his body.

Being in the Rehabilitation Center was the place where he could be most vulnerable.

"How is he?" he asked, lowering his gaze.

"Same as the last time you came to visit him," commented the nurse. "We're doing what we can, Jaehyun, but as long as he stays the way he is, we can't move forward. We need his will to help him."

When no words came out of his mouth, the nurse continued: "Jaehyun, you know you can go see him."

For Jaehyun, each visit was just as difficult as the day he decided to admit Sicheng to that clinic, and each one left him more tormented than the previous.

He would give everything if that means that Sicheng would go back to be himself.

He nodded after a few seconds and cautiously glanced back, where, not far away, (Y/N) was reading some brochures and observing the facilities around them; when she noticed the boy's gaze on her body, she walked toward him carefully.

The brunette didn't really know what came to his mind or what caused those words to come out of his mouth, but when he wanted to back off, it was too late, because they had already been expressed.

"Are you coming with me?"

And although (Y/N) had no idea why they were there or where they were going, she accepted anyway. So they found themselves walking down the long whitewashed hallway until they reached an elevator, and then they went up about three floors.

The atmosphere was cold, the hallways and rooms were well-lit, and they could see a few nurses and what she assumed were doctors walking around in their lab coats.

Jaehyun didn't know why he was allowing himself to show her that part of his life, especially when it was such a fragile part for him. He had tried to protect it cautiously for the past few months, and now he was there, accompanied by Hwang (Y/N), with the person he never thought he would meet at that moment.

He hadn't really thought of her when he asked if they could go there before going home; his head was only thinking about the clinic and Sicheng when the call had ended, and it was too late to change his mind when they had set off.

He just hoped the girl would be discreet enough.

They reached room 119, where Jaehyun pushed the door open and where in a wheelchair, they both could see Winwin, who was facing the large window of his room, looking outside.

(Y/N)'s surprised face did not go unnoticed; she was confused in a thousand ways. She knew who Dong Sicheng was; everyone in her school knew him, however... she thought he had simply left the city. She had no idea he was in that place. So in her head, thousands of questions arose about him, why he was there, and why he was in a wheelchair.

She could only react when she heard Jaehyun's voice: "Hey, buddy. How are you today?"

Nothing.

That's what he received.

Jaehyun walked over to him, and when he stood next to him, he crouched down enough to be able to observe him better. Winwin had his gaze fixed forward, his cheeks were a little rosy, his hair fell over his forehead, and his hands were resting on his legs.

Jaehyun sighed.

"Oh, I see you've taken a shower today," the boy mentioned with a smile, and again, there was not a single response.

When he noticed the presence of the girl, who had remained in her place throughout the visit and hesitated to approach them, he spoke: "Today I'm not alone; I brought company. Maybe you'll find it helpful to hear another voice that isn't mine or Lucas's... or the nurses'," the boy teased and gestured to the brunette to come closer, who obeyed. "Do you remember (Y/N)? She was in our class; we've coincided a couple of times, that's why she's here."

"Hello, Winwin," she greeted softly. Jaehyun made a grimace and stood up from his place to be at the girl's height.

"Don't expect an answer," Jaehyun commented. "There won't be one."

"I thought... I thought Winwin had moved to China," (Y/N) confessed.

Jaehyun snorted: "Yes, that's what everyone thinks."

Those words took her by surprise, and it was when she decided to remain silent, watching from a distance the little interaction between the boys: it was just Jaehyun saying a few words while adjusting Sicheng's hair without expecting any response.

Dong Sicheng and Jung Jaehyun had been friends since birth, being two little boys who grew up on the streets of Neo Zone, it was easy to click with each other. Winwin's parents had decided to move to the infamous area after his father had met Lee Sooman in some low neighborhood in Wenzhou, China, and he had offered him a job where he could have his family at least a little better off than in his country.

Winwin had not joined the gang since it had not been of great urgency to him; his father was the active member needed by the family, and if he were honest... the farthest he could be from the Neo Zone gang... the better. He was always Jaehyun's companion at all times. Best friends who shared every detail of their lives for years, Jaehyun took care of Sicheng, and he provided the most sincere friendship he had ever had... then, a while later, Lucas Wong and Mark Lee joined their adventures.

Four boys from Neo Zone with the desire to conquer the world, but unable to leave their sad reality behind.

Jaehyun still remembers that fateful day a year ago, and he still feels like it happened yesterday.

The guilt gnawed at him every passing day, terrorizing each of his nights as he wondered: Why?

Why did something like that have to happen to someone as good as Dong Sicheng was?

A year ago, when Jaehyun had chosen to go deliver a package of stash after Winwin had asked him to stay and keep him company, and he had denied that request... that decision still drilled into his head.

Winwin's family and he had been robbed in their own home. Knowing who had done it, the reasons for the event, and who had ordered such inhumanity, were still a mystery. When Winwin's parents along with him tried to flee the place by leaving in a car; it had not been the wisest decision they had made at the moment... because not long after, outside of Neo Zone, after the group of people who had robbed their home managed to shoot a clean shot in one of the tires of the rear part of the car, causing Winwin's father to lose control of his own vehicle and not a few meters later it would impact hard enough for the car to be shot in another direction, causing immediate damage.

Jaehyun only remembers receiving a call from Lucas and minutes later finding himself at the entrance to the Emergency Room of the General Hospital, where a stretcher with Winwin's body was being transported.

He remembers seeing the blood. He remembers hearing Lucas and Mark's screams asking to see their friend. He remembers standing still at the entrance to the Emergency Room.

But above all, he remembers thinking, what would have happened if instead of deciding to go sell that stupid package of stash, what if he had stayed at home with his mother and Sicheng?

A week in a coma and a diagnosis of paraplegia was what made Jaehyun lose his mind.

It had been a year since the accident, and Winwin had not even progressed a bit. After being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, it had been difficult to help the injury in the dorsal spine that he had suffered; the damage had been partial, Winwin could handle his movements and his sensitivity to walk again... if only he would come out of the state of shock he was still in.

There were too many things he experienced in so few minutes, so much physical and mental pain for what happened, that now, Sicheng couldn't react.

It had been a year since Sicheng hasn’t spoken.

The doctors assured that he could hear and understand everything, but he was simply mentally tired to process the words and make them come out of his mouth.

His body didn't react as it should either.

And until Winwin had the strength of his own will to do it, the only thing they could do at that clinic was to keep him on medication so that the pains would not persist.

But Jaehyun couldn't take it anymore.

What he would give for Sicheng to be able to enjoy life again.

Unfortunately, the visits he made to the hospital... didn't last more than half an hour since that was the place's regulation. So, his farewell was as quick as his arrival.

"See you on Saturday, Win," he put his hand on his shoulder. "Don't give the nurses too much trouble."

He could swear he heard Winwin laugh and say goodbye.

Even though that really didn't happen.

(Y/N), who throughout the visit remained silent observing both boys, could feel her heart in her hand. She had never believed she would see that vulnerability on Jaehyun's part, and knowing what it was about because of the importance his best friend had in his life, made her heart ache with sadness even more.

"Now I'll take you home," murmured Jaehyun when he passed by her without saying anything else.

The girl glanced back, looking for the last time at Sicheng's silhouette, who hadn't moved from the same place since they had both arrived in the room. She took a deep breath and left the room when Jaehyun was already far enough away.

She didn't know what to say. There were no words of comfort for the situation, and she knew it, that's why they both silently said goodbye to the nurse who had received them and continued like that until they entered the car, which was not parked far away.

Jaehyun allowed himself to lean back on the driver's seat as he closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

"I guess you have many questions," Jaehyun said without opening his eyes.

She had.

"I don't know if I really should ask them," (Y/N) confessed as she looked at him.

The boy remained silent for a few seconds.

"Sicheng and his parents had an accident a year ago," Jaehyun said, opening his eyes to look at her. "An accident that was caused."

"By whom?"

"No one knows," he replied, taking his hands to the steering wheel of the car and squeezing it tightly. "His parents died instantly... Winwin arrived at the hospital in critical condition; it was a miracle that he came out alive."

"Why...?"

"Why is he in this clinic?" he interrupted, and she nodded with a knot in her stomach. "The accident had a great impact and damaged on his dorsal spine; the doctors diagnosed partial paraplegia; his sensitivity in his legs was minimal, and he couldn't make any extensive movements with his legs that didn't make him cry from the pain. After seven days, he woke up from the coma and realized everything that had happened, including my uncle's death... he hasn't said a single word since then... the doctors said it would take time for him to recover, and that eventually, he would speak, but Winwin doesn't have the will to do it; he's still in a kind of state of shock, and that has delayed his recovery," he explained, unable to see her in the eyes.

"Who... who pays for all this if Sicheng's parents aren't here?" she asked curiously.

Jaehyun sighed; "For the first few months, my boss covered part of the monthly fee, until suddenly he stopped doing it. Since then, I've been taking care of it."

The girl's expression was one of surprise.

"How do you do it?"

"That’s the reason I'm in the business that I'm in," he replied, changing his gaze to her, being able to see directly into her eyes and causing her to feel a shiver run through her body.

There was something about those bruised eyes that had done something to her.

"It must be hard," the girl said in a murmur.

Jaehyun snorted and nodded slowly. He hated being seen in his less tough character. The only person he allowed himself to be like that with was Lucas... or Winwin. And for a stranger to see him like that... made his blood boil.

"You know? Winwin loved dancing," Jaehyun said, smiling sideways as the memory came to his mind.

That fact wasn't strange for (Y/N), she remembers seeing Winwin at the school theater... the only boy from Neo Zone who was part of the dance team. She didn't even know how he had managed that, but he must have been good if the Kwangya students allowed him to be in the group.

"Now nobody knows if he'll be able to do it again," Jaehyun continued. "Winwin was the only one of all of us who really had a future, he wasn't even a gang member... he hadn't even gone through his initiation, and look how he ended up."

(Y/N) swallowed.

"Mark Lee is no longer friends with you, right?" The girl asked curiously.

"Things got complicated with him after the accident."

The brunette fell silent for a moment and then shifted her body to face him.

“Haven't you thought about looking for another alternative?” she questioned again “You know? If you let me help you, maybe I could get you a position at my father's company and...”

“Shh. I think I've told you it's not that easy.”

“ But it could be” she insisted.

Jaehyun scoffed and shook his head as he looked away from her.

“I not only have to cover this quota, I also have to bring money home, for my mom and for Jeno. It's the easiest way to get what I need” he confessed “besides, I told you once... in Neo Zone there's no way out, once you're in, you're in forever.”

The tattoos on his neck were what sentenced him to a miserable life forever.

But as long as that miserable life helped to ease the pain and managed to make Sicheng return to who he was, it would be worth it.

“It doesn't have to be like this” she murmured, focusing on her own hands.

"You don't know what it's like to be part of this," he countered in a low voice.

How had they opened up to have such a conversation so suddenly?

The girl felt her lip tremble as she remembered the scene she had witnessed minutes earlier in that room, and she couldn't help but think about how it would feel to lose a loved one in such a way... knowing that physically they were present, but mentally they weren't there.

(Y/N) had always had a heart easy to move, but she really never believed that Jung Jaehyun would be able to achieve that.

"Is that why you insist on continuing school?" she asked, looking at him again.

"Students are my best clients," he replied with a half smile.

(Y/N) didn't know how to take that.

She closed her eyes for a moment and then said, "I can help you with a few more assignments," she assured. "But only for a while and in my own way. But, I don't want you to involve me in any of the problems you're in, it will only be school matters. I don't want to be associated with anything you do, if anything you do is enough to help Sicheng, I'll try not to question it."

Jaehyun couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"If that helps you help me and me stay in school..." he paused "...I might be willing."

"What's the reason for your change of heart?"

"Because if I were in the same situation as you, I would also want someone to somehow help me," she replied, hugging herself.

The boy nodded with a half-smile, and without further ado, he started the car.

"Only school matters," Jaehyun confirmed.

She definitely didn't know what he had just gotten himself into.

______________________________________________

The day after the visit to the National Rehabilitation Center, something happened that made (Y/N) unable to concentrate enough during class hours. Her mind kept going back to the place over and over again, but how horrible was the situation the boy was in. One day you're capable, and the next... not even being able to move. How could anyone endure that?

At some point in the morning, during the physics period, her mind was spinning, her leg moving anxiously, and she bit her lips. She tried to erase the conversation she and Jaehyun had had the day before a thousand times and tried to erase the image of Winwin in that room.

But it was impossible.

Just when she thought she had succeeded, the image returned immediately.

She hated being someone who cared too much about things.

Because she knew something wasn't right with her when she found herself in front of the doors of the Rehabilitation Center.

Her coat shielded her from the cold breeze on that day, and as she clutched her bag to her, she didn't think anymore and entered the place.

She felt a little out of place when she entered the center, but after a few minutes, a presence came in front of her.

"Hello, good morning," the nurse greeted her. "Oh, you're the girl who accompanied Jaehyun yesterday, right?" She asked in confusion.

The girl smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'm Hwang (Y/N). I'm Jaehyun's classmate... and Winwin's."

"How nice of you to visit us... are you here to see Winwin? It's rare to see someone come for him other than Lucas or Jaehyun," confessed the nurse.

"Um, yes... I could say I'm here for a visit," the girl smiled. "But, to be honest... yesterday I overheard a bit of his conversation with Jaehyun... I know Winwin's payment is delayed this month."

"Yes, usually Jaehyun finds a way to pay on time," she sighed. "But this month it's been delayed for a few weeks, and if I'm honest, I've been doing everything I can to keep Winwin from being discharged."

The girl nodded and asked, "Do you think Winwin's treatment will still take time?"

"I can't answer that accurately," admitted the nurse. "It's all a matter of Winwin's will, but to be honest, right now he has no will at all, so far as we're concerned, and if the payment continues to be monthly... he could spend another half a year here."

The girl understood the situation, and although she would like to think more about it... she didn't, so she didn't even know when she blurted out those words: "Is there any way I can pay for the next six months?"

The nurse's eyes widened with surprise, and she looked at the girl with enthusiasm. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," she replied. "I would like to help one of my classmates as long as I can. Money is not a problem," she confessed.

"Wow... thank you, i really appreciate that. Winwin is a boy with a lot of potential from what we know, and although we're sad that we haven't made the progress we want, we know that someday he will leave through that door better," (Y/N) smiled nostalgically.

"I just need to ask you something," the brunette confessed. "Could you not tell Jaehyun that I've paid?" she questioned.

"I don't know if it's easy to lie to someone like Jaehyun," the nurse laughed. "But since it's something good you've done... I'll try," the nurse walked to the desk with (Y/N) behind her. "(Y/N)?" She called and paid attention. "I know there may be many things about Jaehyun... but he's a good guy... beneath all that facade; he really has something good."

Those words hammered in her head. "Thank you."

_____________________________________________

(Y/N) reviewed the same line of text she had read five times now on some molasses topic. Trying to understand the topic deeply.

The air coming lightly through one of the library windows was enough for her to try to hug herself to take warmth, read a bit from the physics books on the table, and impatiently move her leg.

She didn't know at what exact moment a tall figure stood in front of her, but what she did know was that that person didn't seem very happy.

"Why did you do it?" Jaehyun let out while looking directly at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," (Y/N) replied while looking at her book attentively.

"I know you know. I thought I told you I don't need your money," Jaehyun repeated with annoyance.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," the girl stopped seeing her book and changed her gaze to the boy.

"Don't play with me," the boy exclaimed exasperatedly. "Why did I went to the center today and they told me Winwin's treatment has been paid for the next six months?"

The girl shrugged. "It could have been your boss."

"My boss doesn't give a shit about Winwin!" Exclaimed the boy. "I told you I didn't need your money, I was clear, I don't want to owe anything to anyone from Kwangya."

"You don't need to pay me back," the girl assured, standing up in front of Jaehyun. "With the money you'll save from that, you'll be able to sell less."

"It seems you don't understand a fucking thing!" Jaehyun raised your arms with annoyance. "Paying or not paying for Sicheng's treatment, it doesn't change the fact that I sell drugs!" The boy explained regardless of where they were; they were lucky the library wasn't being occupied by other people.

"Everyone starts somewhere!" the girl attacked. "I just wanted to take a weight off your shoulders."

Jaehyun scoffed and looked at her with a sarcastic smile.

"Why? I don't need your pity! If you hadn't accompanied me yesterday, you'd still be thinking Winwin had moved to China! You didn't give a fucking damn even when he was your classmate!"

(Y/N) started gathering her things and putting them in her backpack.

"Saying thank you would have been enough, Jaehyun!" the girl remarked. "I know you can do better with your life," she murmured as she turned to look at him.

Jaehyun's blood was boiling; he hated when people interfered in his life, as if he didn't already have enough to deal with.

"You don't know anything about me! You said it yourself; we're not even friends," he retorted.

"And what if I want to get to know you better?" the girl exclaimed without thinking. They both fell silent, staring into each other's eyes. (Y/N) didn't even want to say those words, but she did.

She couldn't deny that Jung Jaehyun was intriguing. She didn't know why. She didn't know why she had been avoiding him for weeks, but since that night at Neo Zone, when they had talked about the deal, she knew it would be difficult to shake him off, and when she had... something inside her wanted them to meet again. Why are things so difficult? They are two different people from different backgrounds; why would she suddenly be interested in him? Was it because she saw him vulnerable the day before? Or was it because she believed there was something good in him, just like the nurse had said?

She must be crazy to think like that.

"You really don't want to do it," Jaehyun said with a bit more calmness.

"I know you can get out out of that hole, Jaehyun."

"Winwin's parents tried, and look how that ended up!" he exclaimed. "There's no way out in Neo Zone, get that through your head," he explained. "There's nothing good about me. I don't even know why you think so, just because yesterday you saw something different or because I drove you home a couple of times, doesn't mean you know everything about me!"

"Stop acting like a fucking jerk."

"Like a jerk? This is reality! Your act of charity isn't going to change my life. I was born a dealer, and that's how my life will end!"

"I really believe there's something good in you."

"Well, keep believing it."

"If you ever feel grateful, you know where to find me," the girl said, gathering her things and walking out of the library.

Jaehyun cursed under his breath and shook his hands in frustration. In just a few days, the girl had managed to push his buttons faster than anyone else from Neo Zone.

But when he saw her walk out the door, why did he feel regret for lashing out at her?

_______________________________________________

The week had been slow this time. (Y/N) and Jaehyun had been avoiding each other like the plague, not even looking at each other when they crossed paths in the hallway. For the girl, it seemed like childish behavior, especially coming from Jaehyun and his usual façade; now he seemed nothing more than someone throwing a tantrum after she only wanted to help him.

But she still thought she really wanted to get to know him better.

What was behind his façade? What was it that made him who he was? Not the boy from Neo Zone, not the dealer everyone knew... who was Jeong Jaehyun really?

That question had been on her mind for weeks, and it disappointed her a bit to know that she might never know the answers to those doubts she had about the boy.

Today was warm compared to the weather last week. The sun was shining brightly, and luckily for (Y/N), her mother had decided to return her car. So her day had started off on the right foot, and hoping for a good day, she took the opportunity to stop by her favorite coffee shop in Kwangya. Ordering her usual vanilla latte and just before it was time to pay, a thought invaded her mind, and after debating it internally, she decided to follow her thoughts.

An hour and a half later, when she was the last one to leave her physics class, someone blocked her path at the classroom door. Holding her book to her chest, after the unexpected startle, she looked ahead to find no one but Jaehyun. Who stood silently in front of her, with the same leather jacket he used to wear, the same combination of marijuana and vanilla scent, and with the same enchanting eyes, that she had just noticed.

She was in dangerous territory.

And she knew it.

"I need to go to my next class, Jaehyun," the girl said shortly.

For a few seconds, the boy in front of her didn't say anything, he just watched her, until he sighed and slowly said, "Thank you."

Short and to the point, he didn't say anything else, and that was enough to make (Y/N)'s heart flutter in a thousand ways.

"For the coffee," the boy finished. "And for the notes."

"I did my part, I told you I would help you," said (Y/N) as she fiddled with her fingers.

"I thought you wouldn't after the last time we met," Jaehyun confessed.

"I'm sticking to that."

A small silence ensued. Two people face to face. With thousands of doubts between them and things to resolve. What had drawn them together? How was it that the universe managed to put two completely different people in the same place?

"Did you mean it?" Jaehyun asked, and when he noticed that (Y/N) didn't understand what he meant, he continued. "About wanting to get to know me more."

(Y/N) swallowed hard and looking him in the eyes, nodded.

"I still believe there's something good in you."

"Why?"

"I don't know yet," she replied honestly. "And it's killing me. A while ago, I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with you, not even to cross paths, but now, I don't know what's changed, but every time I try to stay away, it's like something brings me back here," she confessed, leaving Jaehyun speechless, who just watched her, trying to decipher everything she was saying.

It was killing him too.

"Let's go to my car," he said.

"Huh?" she asked, confused.

"You want to know more about me, then get in my car," he said again, this time making his way to the parking lot, with (Y/N) behind him, who didn't say a single word, just followed his lead.

What was he doing?

When they reached the car, Jaehyun opened the passenger door, causing (Y/N) to get in without protesting. Then Jaehyun got into the driver's seat and without further ado, started the engine. She didn't know what was happening or what would happen next, but right now she could only trust Jaehyun.

Even though she didn't know how bad an idea that might be.

A few minutes later, as they had traveled a long distance, (Y/N) noticed they were approaching Neo Zone, and with her eyes wide open, she panicked.

"This is me," Jaehyun said out of nowhere, catching the girl's attention. "See all these streets? This is where I belong. This is what I am," he explained carefully.

(Y/N) looked out the window, a couple of people smoking on the sidewalk, others passing joints, and other silent streets. The houses weren't that big... rather, they looked cramped. Unlike what she was used to, to her lifestyle, this didn't seem like it would be enough for a family.

But what did she know with the privilege she had?

"I grew up here, this is what I know," he commented. "Most people are born and die here, it's something that seems to be already written," he continued as his car slowed down. "Those of us from here have a different perspective on life... people from Kwangya lives for the money... we live to survive, and although it's getting harder and harder, we manage to do it," the car finally stopped, and still looking out the window, (Y/N) saw a small house in front of them. One story, not much to describe or point out, it was small but for some reason, it looked cozy.

(Y/N) changed her gaze to Jaehyun, who was still looking ahead and spoke.

"Is this your house?"

Jaehyun nodded.

(Y/N) smiled softly.

"Would you invite me in?"

______________________________________________

He doesn't know how (Y/N) managed to have an effect on him, but now they were there, inside his little house, (Y/N) carefully examining the walls around them and analyzing every aspect of the small space.

He was grateful there were no one at home.

"It looks cozy," (Y/N) said as she looked at one of the frames hanging on the wall.

"I guess it's not even a third of your house," Jaehyun assured to (Y/N).

“And no matter how many people are there, it always feels lonely," she confessed. "It's like no one leaves anything there, like it's something unimportant. As if it's not a home," she finished.

Jaehyun looked at her gently, and as she looked around, thousands of things went through his mind.

"To be honest with you," the girl spoke. "I see more vibes from Jeno in this house than yours," she said. "Many things here seem related to Jeno... but I don't see many things related to you..." she continued. "It's like you don't even think about staying here for long."

"I don't plan on leaving Neo Zone," Jaehyun asserted, crossing his arms.

"Don't you want a different future?"

"There's no future for me," Jaehyun pointed out. "And if there were, I'd prefer to give it to Jeno. He has much more to live for than I do."

"You also have a life to live. A future to write, you can change what is today, for something better," (Y/N) turned around to face the boy.

"I have no way out," the boy replied. "Do you think this is easy? After seeing my dad die and doing everything my bosses ask me to do no matter what. Taking care of my mom, Jeno, and now Winwin? Huh? Making sure Winwin becomes who he was again and that my brother doesn't end up being a fucking addict are enough reasons for me not to leave here," Jaehyun concluded, getting dangerously close to her, with a few centimeters separating them.

The words echoed in her head strongly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't pity me," Jaehyun said under his breath.

"It's not that. It's just that every time I think about all this and now that I see your place and I don't see anything that seems to belong to you, it makes me think that's what you're looking for, to belong to something and leave here as soon as there's an opportunity,"

Jaehyun looked directly at her, not knowing what to say. And afraid to think that maybe she was right.

Because yes, maybe he wanted to get out of there, along with his mom, Jeno, and Winwin; maybe he wanted to do something with his life that wasn't illegal, but what was the point of thinking about it when he knew he wouldn't make it? He was afraid to admit that he wanted to be able to change things, to be able to make his family okay, that no shadow from the past would follow them, that they would have a place where they could forge a clean and safe future.

"This has never been about what I want," Jaehyun commented with a future. "Since I was born, everything around me was the gang. After my father's death, I knew what was coming, and I knew I would never be able to get out of it. It doesn’t matter what I want. It matter what my boss wants, he has that kind of power, no one below him has their own decision. The whole life of Neo Zone is ruled by him," he concluded, even closer to her.

(Y/N) looked him in the eyes, her breath uncontrolled. Her chest heaved, and her hands were sweating.

"What do you want, Jaehyun?" she whispered.

The boy paused for a moment and looked at her lips.

"Now?" he asked, and she nodded. "Would it be unrealistic to say that I want to kiss you?"

"How realistic would it be to say that I want you to do it?

She didn't even finish the question because Jaehyun's lips collided firmly with hers. The boy's long hands slid through (Y/N)'s soft hair, her hair smelling of lavender shampoo. He gently covered her cheek with one of his rough hands, and she melted into the touch.

It wasn't a hurried kiss, as (Y/N) thought it would be; actually, Jaehyun was taking the time to savor every passing second. As if this moment would disappear at any minute and he wanted to hold onto it.

Was he looking for something to belong to?

His hand moved from her cheek to her waist, and she took the opportunity to press her body against his and release a moan of pleasure. As if she felt complete leaning against Jaehyun's warmth.

As if it was something they both longed for for a long time.

And even though she wanted to continue with the act, they were severely interrupted when a car horn sounded incessantly outside the house, causing them to separate with tremendous confusion. (Y/N)'s red cheeks were enough to make Jaehyun's heart race, but when he heard another horn, he took her hand and they walked outside in hurry.

And then, there was Jeno, being thrown out of the back of a car, blood streaming from a cut on his eyebrow, bruises scattered all over his body, and falling firmly to the ground after being thrown.

"I want this to be the last time your brother sets foot in our zone. Next time it won't be him we throw," the familiar voice of a boy from the opposing gang spoke up. Chris. Who was with the window down and smiling maliciously. "Neither will it be you, Jung. It will be the girl who will end up like this,"

Jaehyun moved abruptly from his place to try to reach the car, but it left as fast as it could, (Y/N) shocked to hear those words, didn't do anything more than approach Jeno to help him up. Then Jaehyun cursed under his breath and looked into the distance at the girl and her brother together.

And his chest tightened as he realized that now, she too had been involved.

And he believed there was no turning back, because she was right... Jaehyun wanted to belong to something.

But how selfish would it be to belong to (Y/N)?

a/n: well now you know what happened to Winwin TT. Once again I’m sorry if this took too long I promise I’ll try to update sooner this time!

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @kriizztin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Hangover Cure

Summary: In which Karl helps you through a hefty hangover with peculiar methods.

Pairing: Karl Heisenberg x afab!reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Content Warnings: Plot? What plot? Porn! 18+!, Heavy On The Daddy Kink 🥴, Karl Has A Dad Bod Because It's Hot AF, Karl Is A Service Dom, Pet Names, Fingering, Dirty Talk, Mentions Of Drinking, Intoxication Kink, Slight Praise

A/N: The brain rot is actually insane this time…

-I'm adapting the fanon that Heisenberg is German because I wanna use my language for a cool thing for once, please and thank you! 🙏🏻-

Tagging in case you're interested: @blueberrypancakesworld @queer-crusader

Show me where it hurts this dirty little curse

Don't have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name

While I fuck away the pain

- Fuck Away The Pain - Divide The Day

There were few things Karl Heisenberg really, genuinely loved but your ass shamelessly grinding into his crotch was certainly one of them.

You hadn't even opened your eyes properly and yet your body already did the talking for you. A wide grins stretched across Karl's lips as he felt how you pressed your thighs together, your still halfway asleep silhouette whispering to him what it needed as it had done plenty of times before. Karl knew you well enough to know what you needed after you got into his vodka stash. He certainly enjoyed drinking with you but the mornings after were even better. So much so that the lord of metal sometimes fucked you up entirely on purpose, refilling your glass faster than you could decline the highly alcoholic offerings.

“Oh, sugar, let daddy help with that, hm?” He cooed into your ear in a smooth whisper, his warm breath gently stroking along the shell of your ear and the skin of your neck coaxing a soft rush of goosebumps to wash along.

“Hm-hmm…” You agreed with a sleep-drunken tone and a wobbly nod of your pounding head.

The ache pulsing away inside of your skull rendered you regretful towards the copious drinks you had knocked back the night prior but once the booze hit you, you couldn’t find it in you to stop. It felt purely too good, the loss of inhibition accompanied by the warm buzz growing in your guts and you knew just fine that Karl enjoyed it, too. Besides, what else, really, was there to do at the factory since the dust around mother dearest had settled? Fucking and drinking had turned into the main attractions next to rebuilding the land around the factory.

A groan heavy with remorse slipped from your lips as you tried opening your eyes for a moment. Immediately back to the soothing dark of your eyelids before another jolt of pain could shoot right to the forefront of your head.

“It's okay, keine Sorge, you can be a sleepy pillow princess for me while I take good care of that gnarly hangover, buttercup.” The soothing words slithered into your ear as you turned your hip to give Karl enough access, effectively pressing the round of your ass along his muscular thighs once more.

“Hell, so needy today? Daddy better be quick.” The sly grin plastered on his face was audible as your truly desperate way to gather his attention went straight to his rapidly hardening cock.

Karl's lips peppered a few quick pecks to your earlobe whilst his calloused fingers snaked along your hip down to your panty. To not just give in to your need immediately, his fingertips brushed over the thin layer of fabric to cup your pussy with the full width of his palm. His warmth seeped into the increasingly dampening cloth immediately and sent a tingle through your lower abdomen. Karl's hand pressed lightly, caressing your cunt to draw the focus from the pain emitting from sore and thoroughly toxicated synapses and you couldn't keep yourself from rolling your hips into his gentle grasp, it made you feel too good to not do.

“Could ride yaself all fuzzy on my thigh later, sugar, I bet you'd love that, huh? Get yourself all silly and wet until the pain goes away, no?” Just the way Karl talked to you, pulled a new gush of arousal from amidst your legs to soak through the panties and a breathy moan spilled from your lips as you felt the heat creeping up into your cheeks, giving you away.

“Ah, thought so.”, Karl clicked his tongue, playfully taunting you a little, “I know how you need'ta chase those orgasms when your hungover, makes it all so much easier n’ don't worry, I'll make you cum so many times that you can't walk tomorrow.” He sealed his lewd promise with a kiss to your cheek before languidly stroking over your gradually more needy cunt.

“Mhmm, thank you, Daddy.” You quipped in response, knowing that it rendered your lover a little more feral with each time.

“Nothing but the best, für meine Liebe.” The tip of his nose nudged against the shell of your ear as his fingers slowly started worked you.

“Love you touching me like that so much.” You whined, buttering him further up whilst the wish for his fingers to sneak past the lacey fabric grew.

“N’ I fuckinh love fingering that pretty pussy just as much, sugar.”, just as if to prove that he knew your own body better than you yourself, Karl led his fingertips to play over the seams of your string, edging it to the side little by little, “Imma have my fingers right up in that wet hot cunt all day long.”

With every further brush of his broad fingers his breath alongside yours turned more labored and shallow.

“Please…” You begged unto him, the tease growing nearly unbearable.

“Fuck it, can hardly wait either.” The words hadn't properly rolled over Karl's tongue as his fingers were spearheading through your slick-soaked folds already, dragging down for his index- and middle finger to thrust inside you whilst the thick pad of his thumb nudged your throbbing clit.

The doubled stimulation sent an almost electric jolt of pleasure through your entire body and straight into your head, making you effectively forget about the hammering ache in your skull for a moment because the ache between your thighs gained the high ground.

“Hmm, yeah, that's better, buttercup.”, He sneered, his fingers stroking and curving against your insides in a devilishly slow pace that led you to arch yourself against them, “Fuck, so wet for me, good girl. There you go, fuck Daddy's fingers.”

Moving with his fingers, you jutted your hips, the lewd squelching sound of Karl's digits rutting in and back out of you repeatedly, filling the gloomy bedroom and being joined by poorly choked-back moans. The forming soundscape intoxicated Karl and fogged his mind to the point where it went entirely past him how he himself grinded his waist against your side to alleviate the pressure in his pulsing and twitching cock held back by the confines of his boxers, pre-cum leaking through the cotton. If it wouldn't have been for the raging hangover, he'd fuck you stupid on the spot and gotten himself balls-deep inside of you until you were a cock-drunk, babbling mess but that had to wait. He'd coax and pull two or three orgasms out of you before getting his dick properly wet.

“Fuck…shit…” Your breaths came quick and shallow, your rib cage fluttering up and down whilst your muscles started to tense up with every flick of his thumb.

“There, there… issok, let yourself go.” His lips pressed a sloppy kiss behind your ear, the pleasurable tingle nearly sending you over the threshold, however, you kept yourself tethering right at the edge with your pelvis thrusting against Karl's fingers harshly now.

You felt your insides clench around his fingers, worked-up muscles starting to contract in the first spasms of an explosive orgasm that rippled through your entire body. For mere seconds all the pain was washed from your system and instead flooded with the purest of bliss. The coil inside your stomach had snapped and with it, warm and soothing ecstasy sprung from one nerve ending to the next like a spark that carried the raging fire to the entire forest.

Karl didn't bother to move his fingers by just an inch, not until every last orgasmic contraction had faded and left his hand covered in your release. A meak wince fell from your lips as he left your cunt empty and instead brought the fingers up to his mouth, sucking them clean in feral enthusiasm.

“How ‘bout you sit that pretty pussy on my face next, huh?

[theodorecanaryhood]

The ticking time bomb

Jason Todd x male! Reader

Warnings: violence, homophobia, sex and swearing

Everyone has a story and not every story is the same, in fact some or most stories can be similar, but details are varied for every person.

In all honesty, anyone who says they grew up with the ‘perfect life’ is full of shit, at least that was Jason’s POV to that.

He grew up in a toxic home with his dad Willis Todd, his gun and drug dealer grandmother, Faye, Jason had no idea who his birth mother was until he was 14, to which by this point he was living on the streets.

Scared, helpless, alone and desperate to stay alive in Crime Alley, Jason attempted to steal the wheels off the Batmobile. Batman caught him though, but instead of grilling the young teen, Batman convinced Jason to go into care - also, highly convenient, Bruce Wayne just shows up and adopts Jason out of the blue.

Not too much time later, Jason is the second Robin. Angry at the world for his upbringing and problems, he becomes a little too much for himself. Getting captured and tortured, eventually murdered by the Joker.

Tragic, really tragic.

Jason came back a different person after his resurrection, even meaner and angrier than before. Which just played into Jason’s psychopathic tendencies, along with his constant role as the victim.

That was before, Jason likes to think of himself a changed man. But how much can one person really change? That’s the real question.

‘Fuck’ Jason moaned out as he held his hard meat in his hand, wrapping his fingers around the base.

Jason had been tense and stressed AF lately and needed some release, typically as a single man, he only knew one way to do it.

Jason stared at his phone as he watched the video of the woman get bent over, the man in the video slid himself in with ease as she called out in pleasure.

Jason had a hard time focusing his full attention on the woman, he kept saying to himself in his head that the video was boring, she’s too loud etc…then he just lost interest and felt himself not hard anymore.

Scrolling through the hub Jason wanted something a little more interesting, typing into the search bar for ‘blowjob’ videos.

Hitting a video out of nowhere Jason found himself instantly hard again, jerking himself till he was empty of his seed and stress.

See, most people know early on who they are and who they’re attracted to. But, Jason was taken too young to ever have time to figure out. Also, due to his ‘manly’ father, Jason always told himself he had to be ‘normal’.

Scenes from Jason’s childhood popped into his head, his dad Willis had a guy on the floor beaten and bloodied, hitting him over and over.

‘Fucking fag, don’t show your face here again’ Willis boomed, hate crime was not uncommon.

Willis Todd was known to beat up any man or woman, did not hold back even more if they were gay, or not white.

Jason hated Willis for what he did and what he exposed Jason too. Hated it so much he felt sick, no literally Jason was going to vomit.

Shoving his head down the toilet he vomited hard as he felt the agony come to bay, Jason had watched in memory as he beat himself off to two men having sex. Enjoying it so much, Jason came. Really hard, and liked it.

It had happened before in a time similar to this, as Jason recalled he couldn’t focus on the woman in the porn video, so focused his attention to the guy. His sweaty abs, his biceps and the moans. He loved it, and Jason hated that he loved it.

Jason cried to himself as he came to realisation that he is, in fact, exactly what his father Willis hates. He’s gay.

Willis Todd was long in prison by this point and Jason is a grown man with his own life, but he couldn’t help himself but revert his mental state back to the 8 year old, that saw his Father in action.

‘Fucking queer’ Willis screamed as he bashed the man around the head, the baseball bat hitting the spots that could do some serious damage, if not kill.

‘Fuck’ Jason muttered to himself, looking back at his phone to see the video still up, and watching it again.

Jason liked it, he really liked it and didn’t want to accept that he did.

Some time went by, Jason had been dealing with his own problems, but he couldn’t deny that he was feeling isolated. His pain and deep homophobia was battling together.

‘Hey, what can I get you?’ You asked from behind the bar, Jason sitting down in front of you.

‘Can I just get a Corona please?’ Jason asked, a little shy as he stared at you. You smiled and nodded.

Jason hadn’t played scenes in his head so much in a long time, though he did like that it distracted him from the trauma of his death.

‘You look lost, something bothering you?’ You asked as Jason sipped his beer.

‘You ever just start to rethink your life? Like, the lessons your parents taught you were wrong but, you almost always fail to think different’ he asked, you nodded a little with a slight shrug.

‘I guess, but then my parents always told me to be myself and love everyone the same’

Jason smiled, for what felt like the first time in centuries. He actually showed teeth too, feeling himself blush Jason quickly straightened his face.

Jason kept coming to the same bar and always being served by the same bartender, though it was clear he didn’t come for the service or the drinks, he came because he slowly accepted, Jason began to get acceptance from himself.

After months, Jason was finally able to find courage to ask for your number, to talk to you when you weren’t serving him.

Hanging out a few times, Jason felt an attraction but never said anything. He hadn’t had a real friend since he was a kid and didn’t want to ruin it.

‘So, you been watching it? Season 5 is way better, it gets really dark’ you bubbled in excitement, Jason was binge watching a series on Netflix you’d suggested.

Jason just enjoyed the company, he also really enjoyed that he was watching new things.

Jason also found himself jacking off a lot more to gay porn, but this time he was picturing himself with you. Moaning out your name. Coming hard as he smiled.

Was it your h/c hair that pulled him in? Was it your voice? Your face? Or was it simply that Jason hadn’t touched a man his whole life? Probably all of it, but you’d never let on who you were into. Men or women? Both? Neither?

‘We really should hang out more, maybe go catch a movie or something’ you said as you walked to Jason’s door, leaving another hang out session.

Jason nodded as he smirked a little, getting the door for you.

‘I’d really like that y/n’ Jason replied as you leant in and gave Jason a hug goodbye.

It was the first time you’d hugged him and Jason shot right up, if you catch the drift, realising he 100% was into you.

‘Take care buddy’ you waved as you left, Jason awkwardly covered his crotch area with his hand as he shut the door.

‘Crap’ he mumbled to himself, feeling the need for yet another release as he stood hard in his pants.

As time went on Jason felt he needed to just be truthful, tell you the truth.

‘It’s been bothering me for so long, I haven’t said anything cause I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything, but’ Jason began, you sitting opposite him at the table in Jason’s dining room.

‘What is it?’ You ask, concerned as Jason stopped himself, looking to the ground. Fidgeting with his sweater sleeve.

‘I like you a lot y/n’ Jason admitted, you smiled as you looked in Jason’s eyes.

‘I like you too’

Jason looked back as deep into your eyes as you did his, not hesitating anymore.

‘No, y/n I really like you, I mean I like you more than a friend’ Jason shyly told you the truth, you sighed and looked down to the floor.

Jason instantly regretted his decision and was aware he wouldn’t be able to take it back. You looked back up, placing your hand on Jason’s.

‘Took you long enough to admit it’ you chuckled, Jason looked confused.

‘What?’ He asked in shock.

‘I mean, you check me out a lot, you always try to cover your crotch when I come near you’ you smiled, Jason smiled softly.

Jason thought it sweet how you noticed it all but never said anything, as not to embarrass him. Jason also felt an overwhelming urge to touch you.

Jason leant in while placing his hand on your face, kissing your lips softly. You smiled into the kiss and pulled him in deeper.

Jason had mental flashes of his father, Willis, and froze for a second before abruptly pulling away. Making you pull away too in apology.

‘I’m sorry, I’m really sorry’ you urged as you held a hand out, Jason shook his head.

‘It’s fine y/n, it’s not you, I’m just not ready for…’ Jason tried to explain.

You understood of course, everyone has their demons. And Jason definitely had a fair share of them.

However, he still felt shameful about himself and couldn’t admit the truth. Not himself. Not completely.

Jason watched the same videos again of two men going at each other, bareback. Jason felt so much pleasure being released as he spilled on himself.

‘Y/n’ Jason whispered to himself, feeling the warmth as he pictured your face. Then felt the nausea return once again.

Jason couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t keep denying himself. Especially, as you began to notice that Jason was avoiding you.

Jason texted you to come over as he poured some shots down, bucking up his courage.

‘Hey’ you smiled as Jason let you in, him smiling at you and giving you a side hug.

‘Thanks for coming y/n’ Jason said as he handed you a beer from the fridge.

You both sat on the couch in the living room as Jason tried to voice a way to express how he feels, why he has been trying to make himself distant from you.

‘I was starting to think you weren’t interested anymore’ you broke the silence.

‘No, I do really like you still, it’s just, I’m not ready’ Jason took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours.

‘Not ready for what? A relationship?’

Jason heard his dad again calling out homophobic slurs, his mind drifted to a different night he could remember. Willis had beat up a 16 year old boy, and his boyfriend. Jason stood and watched. Not knowing what to do.

‘Jason? What’s going on?’ You asked, bringing Jason back.

‘I grew up in a really bad environment, my dad beat up a few guys because they were gay. He did other stuff too. I could never accept myself since then’ Jason admitted, you took a slight grip on his hand.

You smiled with empathy as Jason she’d a tear from his eye, he was scared of what would happen to him.

‘It was a long time ago Jason, you’re a better person. Nothing bad will happen if you say it’ you wiped the tear away with your thumb as Jason took a breath.

‘I’m gay, y/n, I like you and I want to take you out, as a date’ Jason sighed as you smiled a little.

You leant in and kissed Jason as he pulled you in tighter. For the first time, Jason was enjoying this kiss as he just thought about you, being there with him.

Jason was so hard and could feel you were too through your pants, he rolled over and sat on the couch with you sitting on his lap.

‘Oh, Jason’ you gasped as Jason began to lift your shirt over your head. Him lifting his off too.

‘Fuck, I want you so bad’ Jason growled as he sunk his teeth into your neck and collarbone.

You threw your head back as you slid off Jason and removed the rest of your clothes, Jason doing the same.

Jason sat back down while you sat on Jason lap, gasping when you saw Jason dick that was at least 11 inches.

The two of you made out more as Jason gripped your ass cheeks, biting you all over. Sure enough to leave a mark.

‘You sure?’ You asked sweetly as Jason nodded, pulling you in for another kiss.

You slid down again as this time to you went on your knees and began to kiss, lick and suck Jason’s length. Which stood right up, exposed for you.

Jason had been in these situations before, he’d had sex before…many times. But, he never did it with men. He could never get that far. Denying himself so hard.

Saying that, Jason had never experienced a blowjob like this before. He had read about the differences between getting blowjobs from men compared to women.

Apparently, it’s better from men due to men knowing what they like to get from oral. Jason didn’t know if it was true, but he guessed it must be as this was the best he’d ever experienced.

‘I’m gonna come if you keep doing that’ Jason chuckled as you looked up at him.

‘Is that so bad?’ You laughed, as you crawled back up Jason’s seated form.

You slid down Jason’s big, hard shaft and gasped at the sudden pressure. Breathing deeply as Jason filled you up.

‘You’re so fucking hot’ Jason breathed out as he began with a rhythm that worked for you both, you gripping the back of the couch.

‘Oh God, Jason’ you called out as you arched your back, while meeting Jason’s rhythm.

It was minutes of bliss as Jason sped up and slammed into you, you moaning in the pleasure.

Jason placed both his hands on your waist as you rode on his dick, you jerking yourself while Jason grunted beneath you. His hard dick filling every part of you.

‘Fuck, Jason’ you almost screamed as you shot your seed out all over Jason’s stomach.

‘Shit’ Jason smiled, still holding your waist as you breathed out in bliss.

Jason lifted his hips up in an unbelievable way that your pleasure hadn’t come to a close, Jason grunted and threw his head back as he felt the start of the big finish.

‘Y/n, I’m coming, I’m coming’ Jason called as he began to hit into you slowly as he emptied himself.

You both panted put in satisfaction as you moved over and sat next to Jason. Your naked bodies, sweat sticking to the couch and each other, you both smiled as you sat in silence.

Jason took your hand in his again as he turned his head to kiss you, which you accepted with no hesitation.

You rested your head on Jason’s shoulder as he began to internally scream in happiness, Jason could finally accept himself. And, he had you.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Apparently Astruc went out of his way to make Lila unlovable. Comparison to characters we're meant to sympathize with:

Gabriel started the entire mess because he couldn't try and just ask for help to the guy he knew could help (and this is before using a Miraculous selfishly for months fried his morals and basic decency). He later manipulated two teenage girls, one of which he knew since she was a child, into terrorism, destroyed Hong Kong by accident, and pulled a stunt that brainwashed the President of the United States into firing the nukes (and once the order is given it cannot be countermandered) AND the world's strongest woman into shattering the Moon (and while it's vaguely possible humanity could survive a nuclear exchange, the loss of the Moon would spell the end of all life on Earth).

Tomoe was infertile... So rather than adopt a heir (a rather common occurrence in Japanese society) she borrowed a magical jewel that manipulates one of the concepts that make the universe work to clone herself.

Emilie was also infertile, so she used the above jewel to make a gender-inverted clone of herself, and somehow BROKE said jewel in the process, sentencing herself to a slow death. She then proceeded to be an abusive parent and used her husband as scapegoat, and let her brother in law borrow the jewel to make himself a son (though this could count as a good deed given the jackass).

Colt Phatom had an infertile wife, so rather than adopt he borrowed his sister-in-law magic brooch and made a gender-inverted clone OF HIS WIFE, and was an abusive parent to said clone. I'm feeling ill...

Felix discovered his uncle is a terrorist wielding two jewels that manipulates two concepts that make the universe work... And rather than tell the squadron of superheroes about it, he robbed said superheroes of their magic jewels and traded them for the one that made him and could unmake him (and I'm still surprised Gabriel didn't just Thanos Snap him and steal everything. He then tried to wipe out humanity to protect beings like himself. Though he get something of a justification in that he's a teenager AND raised by Colt Phatom (for all their flaws, Gabriel, Emilie and Tomoe didn't mess their magic children nearly as bad).

Audrey is just plain mean, and so petty she got Akumatized from getting a spot in the second row (I'm willing to forgive Gabriel this one for the sheer hilarity. Plus he had been obviously waiting for years to get avenge all the victims of that bitch).

But the one meant to be unlovable is Lila. Ok.

So like.

This is honestly a point I brought up before, though it was more on a 'why are people more willing to give other characters redemption arcs instead of Lila?'

But yeah for as absolutely fucking awful as these other characters can be, they do have some very basic good traits and someone they care about! Chloé has the toxic af family and genuinely cares about Adrien and Sabrina and her parents. Gabe may be all kinds of fuck, but there was a point in Season 1-3 where we believed he cared about Adrien and he's doing all this because he loves his wife(even if that love is also toxic af). Felix is also a 'he was abused which explains his mindset' and he's shown genuine love for his mother. Tomoe has been shown to care about Kagami, despite everything. Emilie is up in the air but she's presented as loving.

Lila..... has absolutely nothing. Nothing that can be pointed at as some explanation for why she's like this, or proof that there's any hope for her to be 'good'. We don't know her real backstory or what she wants. Every character she's interacted with is just a mark for her cons that she doesn't have any care about, even her 'mothers'.

[cassedyevihtt]

Solitaire and Radiosilence

I have been listening to these audio books again. About how these characters pour their hearts out online. And how people go through trying times but have friends thats there for them.

Examples of this is Tori she suffers alot alone and has to be there for charlie "i am the one thats suppost to be there when these things happen"

She cant bear the thought of someone being concerned and caring for her. But at the end of the day she feels safe with a person and lets him in. This is extraordinary.

Another thing that are common in fiction in general is that these emotional issues get to a high point where shit has got to go down. Like there starts a fire at Tori's school that makes her properly freak out and thats how she and people around her find out abt exactly how depressed she's been feeling.

Or when Tori sees micheal lose that scating competition. And he rages.

That sort of thing never happens in real life. Most of us suffer in silence. And it never gets this high point. It might gradually go over or it stays for a loooong time.

And if it does get a high point, people are never there to see it. Not the people you care abt most anyway.

Cuz u shield the people u care abt. U dont want them to go around concerned.

I freak out over things. It can get hard for me to stand or breathe sometimes and i can get a bit manic. This is all in my head. I can get easily overwhelmed bc i naturally think alot. And notice alot of things. Especially when doing something new. And not fun. Like work. This is just a basic truth for me. Something i need to live with and be patient with.

And when i get like that, sometimes I just want a hug. And other times i want people to fuck off and I just need a break and a snack. And some sleep. And to make a list.

How nice would it be for someone to know and understand that? I dont want people to be like "oh no will she be alr doing these big things she wanna do in her life?" I dont want them to make me doupt myself. I want them to stand by, see me suffer and see me pull through anyway. Like the push and pull. Both "u got this come on one more step!!" And "now u just chill, tomorrow u work"

Radiosilence has a sequence where Francis goes and finds his sister, tracks her down, fools aled's toxic af mother and finds his sister. Aled's sister and Francis and Daniel and Rain all drive 6 hours in the middle of a schoolday to find Aled.

And i feel like this also only happens in fiction. People truly caring for one another and seeing when other people are hurting and DOING something abt it. Solitaire had it realistic "i saw it comming and yet I did nothing" both charlie and tori said this to one another.

I wish someone would do that for me if they knew i was not feeling well. And i wish people would do that without it needing to be "i think she might kill herself" it could just be "mate, i think she's having a stressy day, so lets bake something nice for her and do something fun together" I mean, it doesnt have to get so serious before friends just contact each other or appear without warning and just hang out or talk.

I think, the friends that i have now, i probably wouldnt have taken that roadtrip for them in the middle of my schoolday. I'd think for them to sort it out by themself. Now, with Aled, the character's got a houndred hints that he was not okay. But in real life u cant tell. People just go around lying and maybe stop texting if they even did much in the first place.

I knew one friend was hurting herself. So i asked abt it. This was before i grew up. She talked abt it and i said for her to talk to me abt it from that moment onward. I also showed concern for another friend who had 'issues at home' I said for her to meet me after school one day where she could let it all out, and I would listen. So i did.

Another friend had panic attacks and I tried to show that i was there for them aswell. I tried to ask how they were, if they were getting help (which they were)

But then i went through shit. And i didn't feel anyone was there. I later told a friend myself, but before that no one really noticed.

I am pretty sure my main friend group knew shit was bad for me at some point. I said i'd done something stupid and they'd all ask what and i couldnt tell them.

Now later we dont really talk. My friend that had panic attacks isnt on the same wavelength as me anymore. We dont have the same interests and they have this other friend that is better. And i pissed of their little sister.

Its just. I think I chose the wrong friends. Friends who just wants to use me and discard me when i have nothing more for them to use, when i don't want to listen to their sob stories anymore. There is no genuine "how are u though?" Bc they do ask just to be nice but in reality everyone knows that they wouldnt be able to take the answer. They wouldn't want to hear the real answer. They just want to feel guilty. They want reassurance. They dont want to be there.

I am ready to move away from this place. I want fresh air. New friends that will take initiative. That wont just wait for me to make a move. But actually come around to my house and check up on me, not bc i seem sad but bc thats just a nice thing to do.

That they will call me instead of me just calling them. (For example one friend I called alot but he never called first)

And this is not me wanting pity. I dont do pity. What i want is understanding. And to be seen. Like micheal and Tori. For someone to stop and invest in the energy to get to know me, slowly. Quality time. Pick up cues and pieces of who i am. Not just the rough tough exterior i have (which I love) but the person inside too.

Maybe I'd like it to be more than one person so that I dont enter some Co-dependant relationship/friendship again. Still a bit hard to trust myself or anyone else after something like that. It has always been hard for me to trust others though.

In reality the only one that can save u is urself. It would be nice to have team players though. Real and actual team players.

[volt314]

So I had this idea for a Snarry fanfic, I’m not gonna write it but the internet HAS to know.

Classic time travel Harry Potter fic. Harry goes back after killing Voldemort and he can fix everything way before his parents die. He creates a dream team with a prejudiced yet creature-loving Regulus, a toxic young Severus and later on a very pregnant Narcissa.

They work.

They spend a couple years just fucking Voldemort plans and Dumbledore’s plans and everyone’s plans. They destroy horcrux, take down corrupt politicians to put other corrupt politicians in their place, use Wormtail to their advantage and other shenanigans.

Harry and Severus fall in this weird really intense relationship where both are confused af by the other but it does for them.

Harry and Regulus fall in this weird really intense friendship where both are starving for familial affection and they get it from each other.

Harry and Narcissa are just frenemies in the beginning but Harry has a thing for protecting young mothers and Narcissa is struggling to hide her soft side from this boy that knows she is not made of ice.

They win. They become the heroes of the war. But they almost don’t.

Harry gets fatally cursed protecting Narcissa and he and Snape exchange a brutally painful goodbye. I’m thinking something like they-had-made-plans-to-go-live-together-after-the-war kinda brutal.

Harry is born, Regulus wants to honor his best friend and help him grow up happy, Severus crumbles under the pain and tries to stay tf away. He partially succeed.

One year later Harry gains a lightening shaped scar in weird circumstances and the team understands it is not over yet.

And the story begins with a little Harry -well fed, well dressed, loved- chatting with Healer/curse breaker/little Harry’s best friend Reggie Black about his latest recurring nightmare about a cupboard and about hot stoves that leaves burn marks in the morning.

And this is the end of first arc folks!

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

Screaming, crying, throwing up .

Just had to read the words "Katniss Everdeen was toxic af" from a 26 year old woman.

No she's not fucking "toxic", she's a teenager from a mfing dystopia, from the slums of the slums of the slums, who was thrown into a DEATH MATCH at 16 so her little sister wouldn't be, who had to watch one of the only people she trusted be killed, won the FUCKING DEATH MATCH with a boy she didn't know and tolerated because they used each other to survive.

And then was thrown into said DEATH MATCH AGAIN with the same boy who is he tentative friend who she might have to kill because she wants to go home to her mother and sister and oh by the way it's a DEATH MATCH ANNIVERSARY

AND THEN SHE NEARLY DIES

HER FRIENDS ARE LEFT BEHIND IN THE DEATH MATCH

She's thrown into a martyr role because all the adults in her life see her as a CHESS PIECE because she is not emotionally or intellectually ready to be a leader but is FORCED TO BY EVERYONE AROUND HER IN THIS SECRET SUBSECT OF SOCIETY WHO HAVE THE FUCKING CAPABILITY TO BE HELPING BUT HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LIVE SEPERATE TO PREPARE FOR WAR AGAINST THE OTHER CENTRAL FACTION-

AND THEN SHE GETS HER FRIENDS BACK AND HER BEST FRIEND TRIES TO MURDER HER BECAUSE HE'S BEEN BRAINWASHRD. SHE IS AT MOST 18 BUT PROBABLY CLOSER TO 17 WHEN THIS HAPPENS. SHE IS CONTINUED TO BE MADE A MARTYR AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DO NOT SEE HER AS SUCH ARE HER SISTER, AND THE PEOPLE ALSO MADE INTO MAYTRS!

THEN SHES ONCE MORE THROWN TO THE DOGS BECAUSE SHES USED AS A SYMBOL AND THROWN INTO A WAR SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FIGHT.

BUT SHE DOES. SHE DOES FIGHT IT, AND KILLS PEOPLE, BUT SHE DOESNT WANT TO KILL PEOPLE THATS THE ENTIRE MESSAGE THE LAST 2 BOOKS!

THEN EVERYTHING GETS WORSE AND SHE SEES THE REANIMATED CORPSES OF PAST CONTESTANTS AND DEAD FRIENDS TURNED INTO MONSTERS THAT TRIED TO KILL HER IN THE FIRST BOOK, THEN SHE IS FORCED TO HELP OVER THROW THE GOVERNMENT BUILDING.

SHE THEN WATCHES HER SISTER DIE BEFORE HER EYES AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THE ACTIONS OF HER OLDEST FRIEND WHO SHE TOLD WAS ACTING AGAINST HIS PRINCIPLES

AND THEN HAS TO BE TREATED LIKE AN INVALID BY THE PEOPLE WHO EXPECTED HER TO BE A GOOD LITTLE PUPPET AND COMES TO THE CONCLUSION THAT SHE HAS PARTICIPATED IN THE KILLING OF INNOCENTS IN THE NAME OF ONE DICTATOR WHO INTENDS TO REPLACE THE CURRENT ONE.

SHE IS 18 AT MOST WHEN SHE IS TOLD TO EXECUTE THE PREVIOUS DICTATOR ON LIVE TELEVISION, A MOCKERY MADE OF HER RESOVE TO SURVIVE THE HUNGER GAMES ON LIVE TV, AND THEN SHE MUST MAKE THE CHOICE TO KILL THE BEAST SHE KNOWS OR PREVENT THE ONE SHE KNOWS WILL COME. AND KILLS THE DICTATOR THAT WOULD TAKE THE CURRENT ONES PLACE.

ISOLATING HER FROM ANY HELP AND SANCTUARY. AND SHE MUST LIVE THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH ALL THAT TRAUMA ON TOP OF BEING THE SOLE CARE PROVIDER FOR A FAMILY OF 3 IN A TRAUMATIC POVERTY STRICKEN STATE WHERE CHILDREN ARE PICKED EACH YESR TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR ENTERTAINMENT BEFORE THE EVENTS OF THE FIRST 3 BOOKS.

BUT YES TELL ME HOW SHE'S "TOXIC AF" AND NOT A TRAUMATISED CHILD WHO WAS COLD AND ANGRY AND SCARED-

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

Saw a post about wanting headcannon asks… so I have arrived! Any hcs for our boy Loui? Or Florida, or York, or Gov, or anyone really. I like reading about people hcs

YESSSS I DOOOOOO :) <— not a threatening smile dw

Louisiana:

Florida has to make sure that he tells Loui if he’s leaving somewhere cuz otherwise, Loui will very much “internally” panic.

Give him cuddles 🥺 Or let him cuddle you cuz he loves it either way 🥺😭

He will get attached if you make him feel like he’s actually worth something (totally not projecting here). That has however led to some toxic friendships/relationships. Ones where he didn’t want the person to leave, so he did everything he could to make them happy even if it hurt him. (I’m not projecting shut the fu-)

Loves inviting friends over for dinner/parties

Has a catahoula leopard dog/german shepherd mix named Beau, and a black cat named Misty and he loves them both so much.

Has a habit of forgetting that he already told a story, and then he tells it again with the same amount of enthusiasm he did the first time. His friends still listen though cuz they love him and it’s adorable.

Glass bones and paper skin. Lil boy gets hurt very easily but selects the ignore button. Bent his ankle in a way it shouldn’t be able to bend? Ignore. Gets stabbed repeatedly on an evening walk in NOLA? Tis’ but a scratch. Falls off a cliff into raging waters? I’m not dead yet!! Someone tries to help him? "YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELLED OF ELDERBERRIES-"

At this point, he’s only still alive and existing out of pure spite and stubbornness.

Gets spooked by everyone and everything.

He probably does that thing where he creeps up on people, stops when they turn around, continues when they turn back around, and then tackle-hugs them. Sometimes though, he’ll just get snatched midair and cuddled to death :]

Florida:

Makes time for him and Loui to cuddle

Actually a decent cook (he sorta lives with Loui-), but he enjoys chaos and fire so. Don’t let him in the kitchen alone.

Actually has an okay relationship with his father (wow me not giving someone daddy issues 😨😰😱), but doesn’t talk to him much. He’s kinda pissed about how much his father neglected him though.

Surprisingly, he knows when it’s not the time to joke around.

Strong man 💪 can pick up all of his friends. Yes even Texas (tbf, he’s just tall he doesn’t weigh that much but it’s still impressive-)

Great hugs 9.5/10. I say only 9.5/10 cuz he might slip you a little danger noodle for a friend.

Gov:

TIRED AF SOMEONE GET THIS MAN IN BED (NOT LIKE THAT-) AND GET HIM SOME DAMN WATER. AGUA. EAU. WASSER. FOR THE SAKE OF HIS ORGANS I BEG.

Has really bad back pain from being hunched over his desk all the time. His joints be poppin 24/7. He’s a lil crispy if you will.

Double jointed mf. Bendy bitch.

Gets treated like absolute sh*t back at the White House. He really needs better handlers.

Can’t cook for sh*t. He’s been known to make backward pb and j sandwiches and pour coffee on the bottom of the mug. Tbh he could probably cook if he wasn’t so sleep deprived.

Low iron and dizzy spells and chronic migraines. How he’s still alive I have no idea.

New York:

My precious baby I’m so nice to him. And since I’m so nice to him: I’ve given him anemia, insomnia, an iron deficiency, and asthma <3

Mans has to stand up REAL slow cuz otherwise he’ll fall and maybe pass tf out.

His brothers are always making sure that he isn’t just dropping dead to a dizzy spell.

He has poliosis :’D

He’s helpful but in the worst ways possible. If someone leaves an empty cup on the counter whilst he’s around. Cuz he will stare at them and slowly nudge it towards the edge of the counter.

————————

[richincolor]

New Releases

A whole bunch of books releasing today to get us ready for our summer beach reads. Which of these is on your list?

Hot Boy Summer by Joe Jiménez MTV Books

Mac has never really felt like he belonged. Definitely not at home—his dad’s politics and toxic masculinity make a real connection impossible. He thought he fit in on the baseball team, but that’s only because he was pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Finding his first gay friend, Cammy, was momentous; finally, he could be his authentic self around someone else. But as it turned out, not really. Cammy could be cruel, and his “advice” often came off way harsh. And then, Mac meets Flor, who shows him that you can be both fierce and kind, and Mikey, who is superhot and might maybe think the same about him. Over the course of one hot, life-changing summer, Mac will stand face-to-face with desire, betrayal, and letting go of shame, which will lead to some huge discoveries about the realness of truly belonging. Told in Mac’s infectious, joyful, gay AF voice, Hot Boy Summer serves a tale as important as hope four gay teens doing what they can to connect and have the fiercest summer of their lives. New friendships will be forged, hot boys will be kissed…and girl, the toxic will be detoxed.

Better Must Come by Desmond Hall Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books

Deja is a “barrel girl”—one of the Jamaican kids who get barrels full of clothes, food, and treats shipped to them from parents who have moved to the US or Canada to make more money. Gabriel is caught up in a gang and desperate for a way out. When he meets Deja at a party, he starts looking for a way into her life and wonders if they could be a part of each other’s futures. Then, one day while out fishing, Deja spies a go-fast boat stalled out by some rocks, smeared with blood. Inside, a badly wounded man thrusts a knapsack at her, begging her to deliver it to his original destination, and to not say a word. She binds his wounds, determines to send for help, and make good on her promise…not realizing that the bag is stuffed with $500,000 American. Not realizing that the posse Gabriel is in will stop at nothing to get their hands on this bag—or that Gabriel’s and her lives will intersect in ways neither ever imagined, as they both are forced to make split second choices to keep the ones they love most alive.

Bite Me, Royce Taslim by Lauren Ho Disney Hyperion

Agnes Chan never expected to be the punchline of her own life . . But how else do you explain getting accidentally run over and seeing a lifetime of careful preparation, endless training, and all your hopes of a track scholarship to college destroyed in a split second? Not to mention the only witness to your humiliation being your #1 archnemesis, Royce Taslim. So, when Agnes finds a new answer to her scholarship predicament in the form of an international stand-up comedy contest for teens, the last person she expects to be up against is also the last person she wants to - Royce. Because for years Royce has represented everything Agnes extreme privilege, popularity, and physical perfection (ok maybe she doesn’t hate that part so much). Behind the scenes, though, Royce’s flawless façade fades away, revealing someone Agnes never expected—someone who shows her that perhaps the best parts of life are the ones you aren’t prepared for—and as the competition heats up, so do things between these two rivals. But will the pressure to win be too much for them to handle—or will Agnes (and Royce) get the last laugh?

Spin of Fate (The Fifth Realm #1) by A.A. Vora G.P. Putnam’s Sons Books for Young Readers

The world is governed by Toranic Law, an ancient magical force that segregates people into upper and lower realms based on their morality. It’s said that if the sinful lowers commit themselves to kindness, their souls will lighten, allowing them into the blissful upper realms. But Aina, one of the few lowers to ever ascend, just wants to go back. Desperate to reunite with her mother, who remains stuck in their horror-infested homeland, Aina joins the Balancers—a group that defies Toranic Law by bringing aid to those condemned to a life of suffering in the lower realms. Alongside Aina are two new recruits: Aranel, a spoiled noble spying for the upper authorities; and Meizan, a ruthless fighter trying to save his clan from extinction. Before long, Aina, Aranel, and Meizan find themselves in the midst of a brewing war. On one side, a violent lower king is bent on destroying Toranic Law; on the other, the upper authorities will do anything to stay on top. The trio must face both sides head-on if they want to stop a conflict that could break not only Toranic Law… but the universe itself.

Death’s Country by R.M. Romero Peachtree Teen

Andres Santos of São Paulo was all swinging fists and firecracker fury, a foot soldier in the war between his parents. Until he drowned in the Tietê River… and made a bargain with Death for a new life. A year later, his parents have relocated the family to Miami, but their promises of a fresh start quickly dissolve in the summer heat. Instead of fists, Andres now uses music to escape his parents’ battles. While wandering Miami Beach, he meets two photographer Renee, a blaze of fire, and dancer Liora, a ray of sunshine. The three become a polyamorous triad, happy, despite how no one understands their relationship. But when a car accident leaves Liora in a coma, Andres and Renee are shattered. Then Renee proposes a radical idea. She and Andres must go into the underworld to retrieve their girlfriend’s spirit and reunite it with her body—before it’s too late. Their search takes them to the City of the dead, where painters bleed color, songs grow flowers, and regretful souls will do anything to forget their lives on earth. But finding Liora’s spirit is only the first step in returning to the living world. Because when Andres drowned, he left a part of himself in the underworld—a part he’s in no hurry to meet again. But it is eager to be reunited with him… In verse as vibrant as the Miami skyline, critically acclaimed author R.M. Romero has crafted a masterpiece of magical realism and an openhearted ode to the nature of healing.

Blood at the Root by LaDarrion Williams Labyrinth Road

Ten years ago, Malik’s life changed forever the night his mother mysteriously vanished and he discovered he had uncontrollable powers. Since then, he has kept his abilities hidden, looking out for himself and his younger foster brother, Taye. Now, at 17, Malik is finally ready to start a new life for both of them, far from the trauma of his past. However, a daring act to rescue Taye reveals an unexpected connection with his long-lost a legendary conjurer with ties to a hidden magical university that Malik’s mother attended. At Caiman University, Malik’s eyes are opened to a future he never could have envisioned for himself— one that includes the reappearance of his first love, Alexis. His search for answers about his heritage, his powers, and what really happened to his mother exposes the cracks in their magical community as it faces a reawakened evil dating back to the Haitian Revolution. Together with Alexis, Malik discovers a lot beneath the surface at feuding covens and magical politics, forbidden knowledge and buried mysteries. In a wholly unique saga of family, history and community, Malik must embrace his legacy to save what’s left of his old family as well as his new one. Exploring the roots and secrets that connect us in an unforgettable contemporary setting, this heart-pounding fantasy series opener is a rich tapestry of atmosphere, intrigue, and emotion.

Queerceañera by Alex Crespo HarperTeen

Joaquin Zoido is out and proud of it. And while he knew his dad and sister, Carmen, would be super supportive, he wasn’t quite ready for them to surprise him with a queerceañera, a coming out party to celebrate him. Between all the talks of tastings and venues, and the chirping of his family’s RSVP texts, the question of who will be his chambelán is on everyone’s minds. What Joaquin is decidedly trying to not think about is whether his mom is going attend or if she’s finally replaced him with her favorite godson, Felix—the boy who made Joaquin realize he was gay and who was his first kiss. But when an impromptu lie snowballs into a full-fledged family-group-chat rumor, every Zoido from Texas to Mexico starts believing that Felix is not only Joaquin’s chambelán but also his brand-new boyfriend. To avoid the pity and sympathies of an ill-timed breakup, Joaquin and Felix strike a deal—they’ll stay fake boyfriends until the party. Yet, as the day draws nearer and old feelings spark anew, Joaquin will have to decide whether a picture-perfect queerceañera with a fake boyfriend is worth giving up the chance of something real.

The Unboxing of a Black Girl by Angela Shanté Page Street YA

Written as a collection of vignettes and poetry, The Unboxing of a Black Girl is a creative nonfiction reflection on Black girlhood. The debut YA title, by award-winning author Angela Shanté, is a love letter to Black girls set in New York City and serves as a personal and political critique of how the world raises Black girls. As Shanté navigates the city through memory, she balances poetry with vignettes that explore the innocence and joy of childhood eroded by adultification. Through this book, she illuminates the places where Black girls are nurtured or exploited in stories and poems about personal and political boxes, love, loss, and sexual assault. Many entries are also studded with cultural footnotes designed to further understanding.

This Book Won’t Burn by Samira Ahmed Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

After her dad abruptly abandons her family and her mom moves them a million miles from their Chicago home, Noor Khan is forced to start the last quarter of her senior year at a new school, away from everything and everyone she knows and loves. Reeling from being uprooted and deserted, Noor is certain the key to survival is to keep her head down and make it to graduation. But things aren’t so simple. At school, Noor discovers hundreds of books have been labeled “obscene” or “pornographic” and are being removed from the library in accordance with a new school board policy. Even worse, virtually all the banned books are by queer and BIPOC authors. Noor can’t sit back and do nothing, because that goes against everything she believes in, but challenging the status quo just might put a target on her back. Can she effect change by speaking up? Or will small-town politics—and small-town love—be her downfall?

The Boy From Clearwater: Book 2 by Yu Pei-Yun, illustrated by Zhou Jian-Xin, translated by Lin King Levine Querido

After his imprisonment in Green Island, Kun-lin struggles to pick up where he left off ten years earlier. He reconnects with his childhood crush Kimiko and finds work as an editor, jumping from publisher to publisher until finally settling at an advertising company. But when manhua publishing becomes victim to censorship, and many of his friends lose their jobs, Kun-lin takes matters into his own hands. He starts a children’s magazine, Prince, for a group of unemployed artists and his old inmates who cannot find work anywhere else. Kun-lin’s life finally seems to be looking up… but how long will this last? Forty years later, Kun-lin serves as a volunteer at the White Terror Memorial Park, promoting human rights education. There, he meets Yu Pei-Yun, a young college professor who provides him with an opportunity to reminisce on his past and how he picked himself up after grappling with bankruptcy and depression. With the end of martial law, Kun-lin and other former New-Lifers felt compelled to mobilize to rehabilitate fellow White Terror victims, forcing him to face his past head-on. While navigating his changing homeland, he must conciliate all parts of himself – the victim and the savior, the patriot and the rebel, a father to the future generation and a son to the old Taiwan – before he can bury the ghosts of his past.

Rising from the Ashes: Los Angeles, 1992. Edward Jae Song Lee, Latasha Harlins, Rodney King, and a City on Fire by Paula Yoo Norton Young Readers

Paula Yoo’s latest is a compelling, nuanced account of Los Angeles’s 1992 uprising and its impact on its Korean and Black American communities. On April 29, 1992, following the acquittal of four police officers charged with the beating and arrest of Rodney King and the earlier killing of teenager Latasha Harlins, the city of Los Angeles erupted in violence. Many of these events were centered on the city’s Koreatown, where tensions between the Black and Korean American communities had simmered for years, fueled by economic challenges and redlining and enflamed by sensationalized and racist media. Based on more than 100 personal interviews, Rising from the Ashes follows these events through the eyes and experiences of the families of King, Harlins, shooting victim Edward Jae Song Lee, and dozens of business owners, journalists, police officers, firefighters, activists, and other community members. Deeply researched and compulsively readable, this is a vivid, propulsive, and moving story of a pivotal moment in recent American history that continues to resonate today.

[candyredmusings]

“Another One Of Those ‘Things My Discord Said’ Sentence Starters.

Things taken from DMs and a few group chats from Discord. CW: NSFT Change / Edit as necessary !

i am literally tom cruise

cum is cool.

[NAME]  is fucked up cus he is straight man

[NAME]  show me your fuckin tits

[NAME], you better not be standing catatonic in your room wearing your handmade jigsaw robe again.

its like they creampied me but instead of cum it was new music

like what about my pussy-area makes u think sea cucumber

the mind is weak. but the body is funky

so im reading that fanfic where 1d like, buys your soul or whatever and im shook

well tom servo is a sex god

and then i freaked it

FUCK YOU APPLE JACK FUCK

ILL SLURP WITH YOU

LEMME SHOW U DICK

ITS A SIDE QUEST YOU SILLY BITCH

I’m a zombie the law can’t stop me

LEAVE YOUR GOLDEN UNCRUSTABLES OUT OF MY HOME I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO THY TRICKERY

you, telling me to ignore a twink with side swept brown hair? foolish.

Hes so hot i briefly started texting like a straight person

and because I’m god and I’ve decided that. No. In fact. I’m not done.

MY DUMB BOTTOM BRAIN FOLLOWS COMMANDS TOO WELL

[NAME], I know you love bloopy reggae jams. Now is not the time

OH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT YOUD SAY YOU STUPID ACCIDENTAL HIMBO DEMON

man i rlly am attracted to paul mccartney.

its not that kennedy was gay af sleeping w jackies fat ass out, he just has a better one-

jealous of my massive honkeers

YOU BRAINCELLED BITCH

this forced open my third eye and i saw the devil--

oh me seeming romantically interested in u is making u uncomfortable?? noted

the only pussy this party city shake out wig looking mother fucker is getting

[NAME]  expose your teeth right fucking now

IN THE DEPARTMENT OF OLD MAN FUCKING, WEVE GOT YOU BEAT

What if we kissed while one of us got called racist and we are both boys

i just jacked it to minecraft piss porn

I will pop a huge tentacle boner

i hate females fr fr

we left u to die to play minecraft

IM GONNA FRICKLE-FRACK YOUR WIFE

CAN I KARATE CHOP IT LIKE IN SPONGEBOB

DWIGHT FROM THE OFFICE IS NOT MY SKRUNKLY

she would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

My brother in Christ you’re being haunted

i want to wring you like a wet towel and slap u against a wall

Yeah you'll come to learn I just have a thing for milk

Piss ur pants harder pls I wanna watch

I'm gonna corn on the kill myself

good morning to parappa and his stans. everyone else..... hi ig

lol look at this clown with no slurs

God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

this is how I reveal myself to be homophobic

I have no sluts

idk what it is abt it but boba makes me become like an actual whore

im homophobic suddenly

he was like ‘You're so big”.... and i just started crying

anyones penis can be hard hes not special

for the love of god please help me

i can talk about piss for hours

im sorry i havent recognized mickey mouse clubhouse ost as the cultural landmark that it is

I ASKED IF WE WOULD RP AFTER FUCKING BIBLE STUDY OR WHATEVER

the benefits of being a yandere is that i dont have to forgive OR forget and I am a living breathing PVP zone so Fuck with me white boy.

When toxic by ashnikko comes on I enter the gaslight gatekeep phases of my girlbosshood

im like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

[NAME] is just all fucking Sorts of fucked up

im clownfaking

why are we here? to suffer? every other day i get messages from a whore

always thinking abt when my friend called me a "white boy whore"

you gotta PUMP the errand girl with cocaine

im beyond shame bc i love all cock try again

people have fetishes.

They really do crucify anyone these days huh

u may have never hungered for cock but you have hungered for a sub sandwich and honestly? theyre basically the same thing-

hi im drawing hentai

[NAME] idk why but that really. makes me want to stab you

“Don't have sex FOMO, [NAME], no! “

“TRY AND NUKE THIS, BITCH.”

“There's a group of golden skeletons behind you hitting the griddy “

“GRANDPA’S ASHES SUCKED MY COCK AND TOOK ME TO ARBYS.”

“You’re lanky with no gender and silly goofy with the rizz it works.”

“You can’t just tell me I could be a Tumblr sexy man to my face at 4:30 PM.”

"I have strong opinions about the soviet union"

“CALL THAT PUSSY THE MATRIX CAUSE IM IN THIS BITCH AND I CANT GET OUT “

“dont cry. 8000 types of reptiles on the planet, okay?”

[NAME] lives his life like he’s an RPG character but picks only the rude dialogue options.”

“I need to beat off to this before God destroys California.”

"No amount of pussy could get me on a rollercoaster with three loops"

"I love your senior citizen pussy"

"Gerber is pretty reliable .. I mean .. The Gerber baby didn't die .... did it?"

“you are white i assume”

"I hate you terrorist, and you may quote me on that"

"I love watching you play minecraft. It's like watching a baby fawn."

"I've never seen old men who fuck harder."

"i don't need him to KILL i need him to FUCK ME"

"well maybe if you just dicked down your wife she wouldn't have gone on a murderous slut rampage"

"why cant these BIG titty bimbos stop HANGING around me"

[omg-kawaiikitty]

Apparently I have a type when it comes to enemies to lovers trope. For me if the ship isn’t too toxic then I would be into it.

1.Dasey-Canadian tv show about 2 step siblings who couldn’t stand each other but have sweet moments and show that they become closer as series progress. They were literally enemies (not really but Derek likes to prank her and she would get annoyed and try to get back to him to piss him off) to friends to lovers trope. They have such a strong chemistry and we all wanted them together growing up. Truman was literally Derek 2.0 but toxic. The fandom is still growing strong to the point we have a spin off movie and hoping it becomes a TV series because there’s so many unanswered questions. Like Casey is obviously sick of her husband and seemed burnt out AF plus I want to see him be uncomfortable and a third wheel in front of Dasey since everytime they have a love interest they automatically become a third wheel aside from Sally (she was an amazing love interest) plus I just want Dasey to act more like a married couple.

2.Zutara-Zuko and Katara were enemies to friends. I was really hoping for them to be lovers by the end of the series and was so disappointed. They have so many things in common with parallels that they would be each other ying Yang. They both lost their mothers, both are stubborn when they get mad, he rises with the sun, she rises with the moon, water and fire are polar opposites. He was the blue spirit and she was the painted lady alter egos. She was the first one to trust him and he betrayed that but also tried really hard to make up for it. He was the only one who gave her closure to find her mother’s killer and let her decide on what she wants to do and they became good friends from that mission. The Ember Island play showing us that Zuko and Katara were into each other but also making fun of Zutara. June always calling Katara Zuko’s gf whenever she makes an appearance. Then the battle between Zuko vs Azula and how he saved Katara from lightning and almost died in the process, that was a powerful scene I have ever seen in a child’s cartoon. Plus if they were a couple Katara would make an amazing fire lady since she already has the skills from travelling with the Avatar and solving problems whenever they travel, Zuko would see her as an equal plus it would show that the fire nation is serious about ending the war by marrying a waterbender and show a balance to the rest of the world. Plus if they were parents they wouldn’t Favorite one or the other and treat their kids as equals since Zuko knows how to fight without his fire bending and could teach his son/daughter and Katara has Sokka. I’m still bitter on how it ended and even to this day Zutara is a pretty popular ship.

3.Chilumi-Ever since Childe came over and said “Hey Girlie hold still” comment or even the Japanese dub. Many people ship them as a couple since they are enemies but he’s so kind towards her and even after their fight he is still kind. It gives off enemies to lovers and if it was an anime where Lumine is the main character and Aether wasn’t a main character, then the writers would 100% make Chilumi a thing and probably just kill him off by saving her. It’s one of the most popular ships in Genshin.

4.Catwoman and Batman-Enemies to lovers but Catwoman is more of an antihero, yes she is a criminal but if it’s to save Batman from another enemy or he needs her help, she would do it since she loves him plus they can hook up afterwards. They even get married afterwards in the comics.

5.Martin and Diana from Martin Mysterh. Not really enemies but they also like to fight alot but then have their nice moments. In the cartoons they are opposites and would argue but when it comes to saving one or the other they would in a heartbeat and have sweet moments plus in the comics they are literally a married couple and never were step siblings…

6. Flash and Killer frost. In comics they were enemies but in TV series Killer Frost is Caitlin Snow. During the TV series they have a really amazing friendship and have many things in common and I thought the writers would pair them together since that’s what it feels like during S1 and how so many villains would kidnap her and he had to save her. Even in another dimension when he was fighting Killer Frost he told her he doesn’t want to hurt her. When Caitlin frost became killer frost again he didn’t want to hurt her and she worked with Evil Barry (Savitar) now Killer frost and the flash work together when it comes to fighting. I really dislike WA because WA was the toxic ship I have ever seen and the fandom were so toxic and I stopped watching The flash.

7.Maou and Emi from The devil is a part timer. They were enemies since he’s a devil and she’s a hero. She defeated the demon king Satan but wanted to make sure he was defeated so she followed him to the human world. During the human world Maou would show Emi kindness while she was hostile towards him. In one scene he saved her by treating to her wounds. They became frenemies, he apologized but she still doesn’t 100% forgive him from his past but is willing to understand and become a friend to him. They even became parents which made them closer into having a family bond.

8.Nick and Adalind from Grimm. They were enemies and became lovers because she got pregnant while pretending to be his ex gf. They gotten closer and Nick was willing to protect her to make sure their baby is safe and they became a couple in the end.

9.Caroline and Tyler. Not really enemies but since Caroline is a vampire and Tyler is a werewolf…it makes sense that they would not like each other plus before they became occults. Tyler thought she was selfish and spoiled, Caroline thought he was hot headed and temperamental. They became a couple later on in the series and broke up…I stopped watching Vampire Diaries when she got with Klaus and Elena got with Damon.

10. Aerrow and Cyclonis-Stormhawks was a Canadian cartoon and I loved it as a kid. Whenever I seen Aerrow and Cyclonis fighting I was just thinking dang I wish they were an enemies to lovers couple. Idk why I thought that but apparently some people agreed with me since there’s fanfiction.

[michelleelizabethtanner]

Do you think Beth really believed Rio was coming after them after the truck thing in 1.09? I always just assumed she was jumping to conclusions and was so far out of her depth ("He looked at me funny"), but was there something else to it? Did she really want to take him down deep down?

Hi Anon! Thank you for the ask! Idk if I have a super good answer though. I’ve always considered this scene more based on the mistakes Rio made in underestimating Beth’s reaction. IDK why I haven’t thought more in-depth about why she behaved the way she did.

Unless I’m misremembering, everything in that episode showed her anger, and none of her actions around Rio signified fear. I don’t think she was even jumping to conclusions about what he might do to them. I think she was just mad. Yet another man putting her in her place, taking away her power and her financial “security” because he decided her life for her. So she retaliated. Her “we’re good people” excuse was just a cover to get her girls on board. It’s the line she uses all the time to manipulate people (including Rio.) “I’m a good person. I’m a mother. I eat at P. F. Chang’s.”

The fact that this woman can never think through the consequences of her choices surrounding Rio truly astounds me. She cannot be so stupid to blindly lash out and expect nothing to happen to her. I’ve been kind of thinking about this irritating aspect of her behavior. The ways in which she hurts Rio over and over, even once she sees the actual hurt on him, she doesn’t stop. Contrast that with how she enables Dean over and over, who has a proven track record of lying to her and actively harming her. So it makes so little sense why she would lash out, even contrary to her own wellbeing, in this particular situation. She couldn’t have expected that he would be imprisoned forever just because she gave up some laundering details. So what then? Was it a cry for his attention? A cry to be seen? It’s gotta be. Her nihilistic tendencies come through so strong around Rio. He brings it out in her. So it’s like she doesn’t even care what happens to her, as long as he keeps looking at her, as long as she’s feeling that power he makes her feel.

Which brings us back to what was so polarizing about Beth to so many viewers — she’s selfish af. She doesn’t want to be. She’s torn. She keeps thinking if she just does one more shitty thing to Rio, she will prove her goodness to the universe. Prove that she’s worthy of having a husband who’s faithful, and children who don’t struggle with emotional disorders, and friends who choose her even over their own husbands. This woman has been abandoned and scarred so deeply in her formative years that she’s absolutely desperate to matter and to be chosen. (Kinda like someone else we know.) But Rio seems to be her one “safe space” to be herself. “Just being myself.” And while that may sound romantic (and it IS), it’s also toxic af because for her to be “herself” she has to all the time behave abusively (ugh, I hate that word because it isn’t quite accurate to their dynamic but idk what other thing to call it… maybe retaliatory?) toward Rio. He feeds the monster that she hides from others. He isn’t a “good person” so it’s fine for her to take her trauma out on him. And he keeps coming back for more. And he keeps wanting her despite it. It’s that good old cycle of abuse, continually perpetuated. They find so much warped validation in each other they can’t quit.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Sorry about that! These asks are so helpful in getting me back into a Brio state of mind. Reminds me how I love analyzing them. 😊 Makes me wanna not work and write Brio stories (that I’ve been stagnant on for like 2 months now 😩)

[angelfoodcake222]

Okay, so JJBA, right?

Specifically, the CANON FACT that a kid of mixed fatherhood (Dio w/ Jonathan's body) can exist. What if, somehow, by some twisted turn of fate, Dio (& technically Jonathan) had a daughter with someone fully aware of the depraved reason for that strange scar he has? The mother moved to America for family reasons & went into labor. Since she was born female & the mother wanted a boy, the mother didn't want her. Instead, she opted to leave the baby at a fire station's doorstep with a name written on a scrap of paper: the options are below.

First name choices:

-Joan

-Joanna

-Joceline

-Jocosa

-Jodie

-Jolan

-Jonina

-Jonevah

-Joolie

-Joquil

-Jordanna

-Josefina

-Jovita

-Jozette

Last name Choises:

>Joeando

>Brandstar

>Joestar-Brando

(TBH I am terrible at colliding names, I just offered the first one because it sounded close to Jane Doe, an unidentified woman's body.)

As for her personality, she could be mixed with several traits of the Joestars we know. Jonathan's manners (to an extent), Joseph's love for his family (obviously, all the Joestars have this trait aside from those Dio made. I mean in the since of being protective af of those she views as family), Josuke's love of his hair & his friends, Jotaro's stern & stoic behavior with his planning, Giorno's wit & persistance, & Jolyne's boldness (minus the moonlight from between prison bars, please). She's likely the same height as Jonathan during the whole fight(s) with Dio with decent muscle. Not feminine muscle or however the men of this ranchise are designed to look like. Think of Josuke's muscle; not too much but not too little, ect. Add Dio's genes into the cocktail that she is & you could have something interesting. As in all of these traits, but put to a Dio-level amount. Don't get me wrong, she's still decent, she just has lapses in her quiet existance & all that, but then someone slaps her trigger full force & then she's 100% Brando in terms of violence & brutality.

All of that being said, she isn't just her genetics. She could also be a roast queen, frigid/shrewd, attractive but intimidating, loves things like roller durby, boxing, snakes/reptiles, bats, spiders, big birds (falcons, hawks, harpy eagles, etc.), dogs, cats, football (american, likely), & sewing. She might be the kind of friend who could be the Uncle Iroh of the group or the one who tells you to your face when something is stupidly dangerous. Likely not one for Toxic Positivity or negative outlooks. Neutral. You don't bother me & I don't bother you mentality with a drizzle of you help me & I help you mentality.

[t00nyah]

this is my coroika-inspired team of ocs - team family :] i wanted to post them when i make more info 'bout bucket hat and vintage but i don't wanna draw rn and i'm inpatientttttt

there's one of my cool attempts to draw in ikabook style too i love it :]

purble

she's the one who started it all. i saw purple sea slugs and thought hey i could make a coroika oc out of this so i did. she's the leader of family and she's the smuggiest bitch ever. she just. laughs at your quote "poor gameplay" when you've got her cornered. she's just like that honestly. even tho she's very annoying at times 'cause of her very unbearable attitude she somehow made it to be that one 15 y.o. internet mom friend to her team. she just listens to her teammates arguing at the side and then goes like 'so we decided then?' and just . doesn't care. she's funny and isn't dependable at all but she's the mom one. (just like me fr)

nylon vintage (who usually goes by just vintage)

oh well idk. he's 16 and is the oldest one of their team but still smh is purble's son. he's like those cold characters who don't really smile not before they kill splat someone, but his smile is so unnoticable that you won't even know it. he just has that kind of a face. he's tired. and his big hobby is engineering. and oh did i mention that he might be a criminal since he's stealing lots of stuff such as weapons from grizzco and golden eggs. he's just like that. he's my little kleptomanic boy who sees a shiny thing and can't help but steal it and do funny things with it. that's all.

bucket hat doesn't have that much of info and i'm pissed that i can't give him much background!!!!! might brainstorm him later :( you can try and give me any ideas if you want to i'm very open to help

and finally my sweet stripes who's an idiot but a lovely one!

she's 14 and she's cheerful and just enjoys the atmosphere. it's like. nylon and purble are toxic af to other players but she somehow feels at home with them. maybe cause she knows they will actually threaten someone if they hurt her. she would cry over a dropped ice cream and even if purble seems like she REALLY doesn't give a fuck she'll buy her another one to cheer her up, nylon would too and would go like 'fuck it' and buy each member of his team one cause why not.

she miiiight have a whole arc going on... where she takes one of vintage's golden egg and grows it into a salmonid cause she's one of those kids who's very into playing mother with baby dolls. shit could go wrong a lot, but stripes found a little support in my other ocs i posted here before: iwashi is just a designer who loves wild clothing ideas and oh boy making clothes for a salmonid? that sounds interesting. she's making simple clothes for now, but maybe she'll get into it and make more(not like it's really that needed...). oshizushi is an octarian from octo valley who has some expirience with salmonids, she can tell some very funny salmonid biology facts (the ones that no-one in her class wanted to hear lol) and she can definitely tell if something's wrong with stripes' daughter...bubbles! (stripes is a dumb child i remind you.)

oshizushi doesn't approve it much and views it as wrong, though she does wonder if you can actually grow a salmonid child in inkling society. she does what she can to make it as safe to bubbles as possible. she would actually take the responsibility if anything went wrong, because she doubts stripes means it when she says that she'll do the same, cause...child.

bubbles does grow into a slightly weird form of salmonid, but she's kinda healthy? and fresh?

[lunas-otome-blog]

Luna's Review: Code: Realize ~Guardian of Rebirth~

Official Summary:

Venture into a reimagined steampunk version of 19th century London. Follow the adventures of the poison-skinned maiden Cardia, the men trying to help her, and the mysterious organization intent on capturing her.

Experience a visual novel adventure brimming with literary and historical characters including Victor Frankenstein and Abraham van Helsing. Will Cardia find love, or destroy those she cares for? Her story is in your hands.

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(Spoiler-Free) Luna's Thoughts

This game was ok! It wasn't the trainwreck that was "even if Tempest," nor was its storyline as convoluted as "Cafe Enchante." I liked the historical figures and other fictional references, and the art was lovely.

A small thing that annoyed me is that they keep referring to Cardia's skin as "poisonous." I believe poison has to be ingested, so it would be more correct to say she is "acidic," but I guess that's not very charming to say lol. There are also a few plot points that seem a bit silly, and I didn't think the true end character necessarily deserved that role.

But overall, this was a solid game. The steampunk London setting was cool AF and I enjoyed the emphasis on airships and steam power. All the routes were pretty different, and though I would have liked to see more crossover between them, none of them felt extremely out of line like in some other games I've played.

I wasn't excited enough about it to bother with the ample supply of bonus content on offer, but I did like it and would consider playing it again in the future.

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(SPOILERS) Common Route

Honestly, Cardia's backstory is the weakest part of the game as writers scramble to explain why she can't wear normal clothes or stay in one room for long. She can't eat with normal utensils, for example, but nobody is concerned that she might melt through her bed because her hair covers her back and her hair isn't poisonous for some reason. Some details were given a lot of thought and some are just explained away with "science" that happens off screen.

None of that is truly an issue, but I feel like it could have easily been more streamlined to say, for example, that Cardia can melt living things. That would still have the effect of making her isolated, alone, treated like a freak and unable to interact with humans. But it would do away with some of the more contrived details such as how she avoids melting into the ground.

The scene that should have been one of the most emotional — when Cardia tells the story of how she was trapped in a cave and accidentally killed her mother figure — ends up feeling frustrating, as you yell "just melt the rock!" at the screen the entire time. She does, but not until too late. "But she didn't know she created toxic air!" you say. Ok, but surely she didn't want to sit in the cave indefinitely? She could have just started work to melt the rock immediately. Maybe the result would have been the same, but at least it would seem more logical.

I thought the first choice to ignore Lupin's offer, which dead ends the game as Cardia sets out on her own adventure, was very funny. I also liked how she starts becoming more expressive as she spends time with her boys. My favorite part is how it shows her gaining skills and learning to fight and defend herself. That's refreshing compared to some other series where the protagonist is always being protected.

Below follows some thoughts on the actual routes, in the order I played them.

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(SPOILERS) Impey Barbicane

What I thought was going to be my least favorite route ended up being my favorite. Impey is the flirt archetype, and also the genki character of the game. His route was the lightest, as he carries the least baggage of all the characters, but his sincere nature got to me.

Unfortunately, his flirtiness makes him annoying in other routes. Like, boy, I'm romancing someone else, back off!!

I do wish Impey being a vampire was more relevant to the game in general. I know that angsting over the fate of the vampires was more for Victor, Helsing and Delacroix II, but having Impey be a vampire was basically thrown in for shock value and didn't end up being super relevant.

I did think Nemo was an extremely fun villain and his design and speech pattern are so unique. He was a good foil for Impey, as they have similar reasons for becoming engineers, but he becomes the typical "mad scientist" here and takes everything a little too far.

I'd say Impey's route was the simplest of the five, but for that reason, I also thought it was the most solid, and the one that left me with the least questions.

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(SPOILERS) Saint-Germaine

Call me nitpicky, but Saint-Germain is the character with the most baffling design choices IMHO. His hair is ridiculous. He only wears half of his coat the entire time. He has watches all over his arms that seem to do nothing. Truly some odd decisions were made during his creation.

Aside from Victor, I'd say his route was the most angsty as he rebels against his job and his nature to save Cardia. Unfortunately, this results in him being off screen for a lot of his route as he kills his way through the other members of Idea to save Cardia.

I thought the whole route felt a bit overkill-y. This is a man who essentially caused the Black Plague, who knows what one bad decision can do, and yet instead of choosing to stay by her side and defend her, he abandons her to preemptively fight the other Idea members, none of whom are given a sprite except Guinivere. (Side note: I adore Guinivere. Easily one of the most rad characters of the game.)

What's stopping any other of the Idea members from attacking Cardia while she's left defenseless? It falls apart under scrutiny. Perhaps this is because Saint-Germain's attraction to Cardia was the least convincing for me. I just didn't feel much of a connection there.

I do love how you basically only see his eyes on his route. It makes it all the more threatening when you do. And despite how critical I'm being, I did think the concept of the Apostles of Idea was pretty cool. I just thought it was a little far reaching for the framework of this particular game.

While one of the more interesting routes, I'd call Saint-Germain's route the least romantic.

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(SPOILERS) Victor Frankenstein

Personality-wise, Victor is my favorite character. He's got baggage but desperately wants to reverse the damage he's done inadvertently. And he's so sweet and wears glasses! I did want to know what was up with his headphones but they're never addressed.

Victor's route is the one where you have to deal the most with Queen Victoria, and at least for me, this kind of ruined her character for me. You learn she was the instigation behind a lot of dark incidents and has an even darker one planned that basically equates to genocide. While in the true ending she fesses up and seems to have grown as a character, it was hard for me to get behind her again after seeing how needlessly cruel she was in Victor's route.

I absolutely adored the development of the Queen's relationship with Leonhardt in this route. Honestly I ship them more than most of the characters in this game with Cardia. Even if you want to interpret them as having a more father-daughter relationship, it's still really sweet. He clearly cares so much for her and just wants to guide her down the right path.

But back to Victor. I like that, despite being the gentle nerd of the game, he can still fight in his own way, and even teaches Cardia to do the same. It was nice to see him come out of his shell and become more confident as the game progresses.

Victor's route was solid and his relationship with Cardia is very believable. After all, he's done so much for her. He's the reason, in every route, that she can eat with the boys and wear different outfits. Cardia returns the favor by forgiving him for being involved in her creation. I did think the brief "is Victor my father" storyline was pretty funny. I mean, he kinda is though.

All in all, one of the better routes in my opinion.

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(SPOILERS) Abraham Van Helsing

Man, I wanted to like this route more than I did.

Van Helsing is the closest thing to a tsundere in this game, so I thought I'd like him and saved him for last before the true end. Unfortunately, he's so cool and collected that he rarely breaks, and he comes across as cruel a lot of the time, even when it's revealed that he's doing so to keep Cardia out of it. She's kept at arms' length so much that I didn't feel the relationship developed naturally. She isn't present for a lot of the conversations, either, though we do get to see them off-screen.

Helsing's route is also the one that's least connected to the rest of the storyline. He's got a few tie-ins, most notably to the Vampire War, but his dealings with Aleister didn't relate to the overall mission. It felt a little disjointed to me.

I also thought we'd see more of Delacroix II in this route. I figured it would be Cardia helping the two of them become friends. Delacroix needed to learn that Helsing regretted his actions. But we honestly don't get a lot of that. I also figured it would be more angsty, with Helsing's death wish being relevant, but again, that didn't come up a lot.

I do find it extremely endearing that he can't cook to save his life. And I feel bad that his is the only route that ends without him being able to touch Cardia.

I don't think this was a bad route. It just wasn't what I was expecting so it made me a little disappointed.

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(SPOILERS) Arsene Lupin

Lupin's route was ok. My gripes are mainly the same as with the true end of Collar x Malice: I don't think he's fitting for a true end character.

Not only is he visually the least interesting character, but his backstory is also not particularly interesting or impactful. A lot of stuff happens on his route just because it's the true end, and we have to wrap up the game. Lupin himself isn't particularly relevant to that.

He's a nice guy, sure. You can't help but like him and his positive attitude. I think his route is the one that most treats Cardia like a human, but this comes at the cost of not allowing her to do a lot. This could be seen as a positive, I suppose. She's spend most of the other routes convincing other characters that they should be forgiven, so it's fitting to have the final route involve forgiving Cardia herself for being created.

All in all, the game wraps up pretty well, and it felt like a suitable end for everyone. I just wish Lupin was a bit more interesting of a character.

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(SPOILERS) Side Characters

Here, I'm going to comment on a few side characters in the game.

Finis

No notes. Flawless character design. My theory for why he looks like this is that the original Finis and Cardia were both female. Maybe this is explained in the bonus content, idk. I've heard his hair donuts are part of the headband and not his actual hair. Either way, adorable. More male characters like this, please.

Herlock Sholmes

Upset this character wasn't a datable option. Perhaps that's for the bonus content. Either way, I wanted to see more of him. I thought he'd be more relevant in Lupin's route, and you do get to learn a bit about him, but not enough IMHO.

Queen Victoria

Who approved this outfit? I just wanna talk... Seriously, this is the worst sprite in the game. I get that her whole thing is about bees and visually there are a lot of honeycomb references, but surely we could have a black and yellow outfit that doesn't make her look like she raided an antique store.