#wishing you the most wonderful day!!!!!! đđđ
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Hi Dreamie! I know you since the server discord of balan wonderworld who was made but since then, it was deleted. I wanted to say that I love in the bottom of my heart your fan art of Balan. Your artstyle is the most gorgeous thing I ever saw in my artist life! And it's give me courage to able still loving this game since now. (And loving Lance even more) I know you're into crk but I wanted to say this to you as a Balan fan, you're great artist who help me so much when the haters were wild for Balan.
Thank you so much for everything, I can't tell you who I was in the server discord back then but I can say that I'm french gal. Have a wonderful day! ^w^
(Forgive me for the late response)
It's so touching to hear that đ I left the fandom almost 3 years ago and seing some people remember about my content from there warms my heart đ
I still have so many nice and endearing memories from this fandom and I'm really glad it helped you to enjoy the game and inspired you for other things!
I may not drawing Balan Wonderworld stuff as much as I used to do some years ago, but it's a delight to sit and doodle content of it from time to time.
Your message was lovely and touching to read, thank you so much for that đ«¶âš I'm wishing you the best đ
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I'm sorry cause I have no idea if you already talked about it or if you'd even like to but I'm so in love obsessed with your 100 shows for js and I'm just back from watching titanic so please tell me there's a titanic au anywhere in there cause palakdjufcyhfudjsnapsifhvuvhsk I need it. Jimmy as the rich heir that has to board a ship so he may inherit his father's millions and marry a stranger. who feels trapped and hopeless and sea (I mean come in the NAME ALONE -) who's on the ship by sheer dumb luck with maybe 2 pennies to his name and charcoal on his fingertips and shows Jimmy what it means to be alive and 2 days into the journey the ship fucking sinks. IM INSANE ABOUT IT
(maybe mostly as an excuse to put sea into the white shirt and suspenders look this time around but shhhhhh no one has to know)
I DO NOT HAVE A TITANIC AU IN MY 100 JIMMYSEA SERIES LIST (YET) BUT MAYBE I ACTUALLY NEED TO COME UP WITH AN IDEA FOR IT BECAUSE YOU DO MAKE SOME VERY COMPELLING ARGUMENTS
i've also really been wanting to have a story featuring sea as a painter, so this could fit quite nicely!!!! my only concern about this is that i don't want to just replicate the exact same plot as the movie, i want to try to put a different spin on it, which in this particular case probably means changing the ending because i simply cannot do tragedies IM SORRY OKAY I REALLY AM BUT WE ONLY DO HAPPY ENDINGS IN THIS HOUSE
and i might have an idea for this, but im afraid it's possibly way too overdramatic and kinda soap oper-y, so im gonna need you to be brutally honest and tell me what you think about it
the premise is pretty much the same: it's around the 1920s, and as an only son, jimmy is supposed to inherit the familyâs land and marry well, so his father arranges a marriage between him and the daughter of a wealthy english man for trade purposes or something like that. after the wedding the pairing is supposed to live in thailand, so the families agree to travel together to england before the ceremony to.. idk experience both cultures? let the daughter see her country one last time and say goodbye to it? let's say both. on the ship board jimmy, both of his parents with a couple of servants, the woman he's supposed to marry, her brother, and her father
neither jimmy or his future wife are particularly happy about the arrangement, but jimmy is willing to do it because of his sense of duty. it's not like he believes in love, anyway. enter sea, a broke artist who decides to try his luck in england after winning a ticket for the ship. the story does follow the movie from here on out, although i can't see jimmy and sea meeting in the way rose and jack do, just because im imagining a different dynamic between them (as in, i think that they would dislike each other at first and that they would bicker a lot because of their different worldviews, but that's what keeps pulling them in)
ANYWAY. the point is: they meet, they eventually fall in love (it's a long journey from thailand to england, so let's say the sinking doesn't happen after only two days), the brother of the woman jimmy is supposed to marry realizes that there's something between them and tries to frame sea for theft, the ship hits.. SOMETHING (is there a place where there could be icebergs in that route idk), the ship sinks, jimmy comes out of it convinced that sea is dead so he goes on with the marriage, mostly out of guilt because jimmy's father also died
EXCEPT!!!!!!! some years later, after jimmy and her wife finally have a daughter, as a present for the newborn one of their friends hires one of thailand most famous artists to paint a portrait of the family, AND GUESS WHO THAT IS!!!!!!!!! that's right, it's sea!!!!!! he actually survived and did try to find jimmy after recovering, but jimmy was already married by then and the wife's brother saw him and convinced him to let jimmy go for jimmy's own good
so now it's a big mess because jimmy resents sea (first because he thinks sea didn't try to find him, then because sea made the choice for him), and sea resents jimmy (for marrying anyway even if it was all fake), and they're both pretending they have moved on when it's very much not true. and in my head there's also a whole thing about the wife's brother inheriting the family's fortune and splurging it all, so he's actually living on his sister and jimmy's money, which is why he needs them to be together (but his sister is also maybe in love with her handmaid)
ALL THIS TO SAY THAT THE STORY ENDS WITH JIMMYSEA + JIMMY'S WIFE AND HER HANDMAIDEN TOGETHER AND THE FOUR OF THEM BECOMING A BIG FAMILY AND RAISING THE CHILD WHILE THE BROTHER ROTS IN JAIL OKAY BYE
#DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE#IS IT TOO DRAMATIC AND MESSY#IS IT TOO SIMILAR TO TITANIC + IFYLITA#IDK I TRIED ;;;;;;;;;#ANYWAY. thank you sosososo much for liking my silly jimmysea series ideas and for letting me know!!!!!!#that was very sweet of you and it really means a lot đ„ș#also i LOVE the titanic idea (even if maybe i need to work on it a little more ;;;;;;;)#and it kinda got way too long so i left out some stuff like#đ SEA IN SUSPENDERS đ SEA DRAWING JIMMY NAKED đ WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT CAR đ#but um yeah anyway#im sorry this entire answer is such a mess#but i hope you know i appreciated your message and had a lot of fun with your idea!!!!!!#wishing you the most wonderful day!!!!!! đđđ#jimmysea#byallaccountsitdoesntmakesense#m: ask
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Mother's Day Surprise {Joel Miller x F!Reader}
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 11.4k
Warnings: Menstrual blood/cramping, violent attack, near death, surgery, comma, mentions of blood and disturbing scenes, recovery, assistance with basic needs, helping Joel shower, confessions of feelings, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, pull out method, mentions of family planning, breeding kink, dirty talk, cream pie, infertility, depression, feelings of worthlessness, death, harsh and cruel world, babies
Comments: Helping Joel Miller recover from a horrific attack leads to a life you never knew possible.
**đšđš Contains spoilers for Season 2 of The Last of Usđšđš**
A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all those lovely moms out there and anyone wishing to become one in the future. Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean biologically. đ
Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers
**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.
|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||
Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.
You grunt, squinting as you struggle to see in the dark. It's the middle of the night, the sun not yet peeking through the curtains, and you wonder why you woke up until your stomach twists and you realize you're wet between your thighs. "No. No. No. No." You cry, tears in your eyes as you scramble out of bed and rush into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You shove your shorts down and sob at the blood that's gathered there. You got your period. Again. You sit down on the toilet and gather some paper to clean yourself up while you try to smother your cries but there's a knock at the door and Joel's voice resonates through it, "are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks and you choke out, "the bed." Joel walks over to turn the lamp on, his eyes widening at the blood on the sheets. "Oh sweetheart." He sighs, resting his forehead against the door frame. "I'm sorry, baby. I - I am useless." You sob and he rattles the door handle, "let me in." He demands and you flush the toilet, washing your hands before you open the door. Joel immediately wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. "We will try again." He promises, "I didn't give up when I was recovering and we won't give up now." He assures you while you sob into his chest.
He sighs, not even going to deny his own disappointment, although people who used to know him in the Boston QZ would never believe it. Joel Miller, disappointed that you arenât pregnant. The very obvious sign of his seed not taking root staining the sheets of the bed you share. He shouldnât want a child. Heâs closer to fucking sixty years old than not, just a few years shy and yet he finds himself wanting to see you round with his child. His second child by blood, his third in his heart. Ellie is staying with Dina tonight, so he doesnât have to worry about waking her up as your sobs wrack your body. âYou arenât useless.â He soothes, frowning when he remembers your emotional words. Standing in the bathroom, he wishes there was something that he could do, fertility doctors from twenty plus years ago were a thing of the past. Most people do not want to bring children into this fungi infested world, but here in Jackson, he has hope for the future. Hope for a chance to pass on a legacy.
You cling to him, knowing he's disappointed. Lord knows you've been trying enough but you just can't seem to get pregnant. It's like you are cursed and you wonder if Joel's injuries hurt your chances.
****
You gasp when you look up to see a mangled man carried into the hospital. You set your cup of coffee down and stand up, the resident doctor rushing around to try and stop the bleeding. "What the hell?" You ask and a teenage girl is clinging to his hand as the team try to wheel him into the surgery room. "Joel. Joel. Don't leave me." She pleads, tears in her eyes, and you reach for her. "He's in good hands, sweetheart. Come here. Let the doctor work." You manage to drag her away and she wraps her arms around you and sobs, "I didn't know - she nearly - they nearly- it's all my fault." She chokes and you rub her back, frowning at the doors where the man disappeared.
Hours later, the door swings open and the doctor comes back through, his work scrubs stained with blood. Ellie had been impatiently sitting and leaps out of her seat. âIs he alive? Where is he? I want to see him.â She demands, making the doctor lift his hands slightly. âHeâs alive.â He reassures her, making her tense shoulders slump with relief and tears prick her eyes. âThere was massive trauma to the head, and-â Ellie interrupts him. âOf course there is, that bitch tried to beat him to death with a fucking golf club.â
Your eyes widen at the news that he was nearly beaten to death. You wrap your arm around Ellieâs shoulder. She had rambled about how Joel saved her, how much she loves him, how heâs the father she never had. Her words made your heart melt and you silently prayed he pulled through. âItâs going to be a long road to recovery. For now, we will monitor him and see if he pulls through the night. Itâs touch and go still.â The doctor warns Ellie who nods, âhe will pull through. Joel is a stubborn fucker.â You chuckle and rub her upper arm, âletâs get you something to eat and a shower and we can come back when heâs settled in a room.â You suggest and sheâs reluctant to leave but the doctor nods, âheâs unconscious. Will be for a few days at least. His body needs rest. Go get some food and he will be waiting for you.â Ellie nods and lets you guide her to your house. Her home needs to be cleaned up and you donât want her to see the aftermath of the battle that occurred in her home.
Joel had put up a fight. Furniture is broken, the mirror in the hallway - one he had grumbled about every day when it showed him how old he is - is shattered. Shards of glass and spurts of blood splash the walls. Ellie grimaces and stops at the blood stain on the floor right by the open front door. Obviously no one had cared about closing up the house when rushing Joel off to the hospital. âRight.â She sighs, turning when she hears someone running towards her. ïżœïżœEllie! Fuck, is Joel alright?â Breathless, Tommy stops in front of the teenager and his face almost begs her to tell him that his older brother is okay. âI tracked her, but she got away.â He explains; that being the reason he wasnât at the hospital earlier. âShe went to the river and I couldnât track her from there.âÂ
Ellie straightens her back, shaking her head, âthat fucking bitch.â She growls and you answer Tommyâs question. âJoel had surgery. Heâs unconscious right now. Still in the air as to him waking up without brain damage. The doctor did the best he could but itâŠit was bad.â You admit and Tommy closes his eyes, needing to see his brother. âI need to see him.â He says and you nod, âheâs unconscious still. Iâm going to get Ellie changed and get her something to eat.â You tell Tommy who reaches out to squeeze Ellieâs shoulder. âGet something to eat, kid. Iâll let you know if anything changes.â Tommy promises and Ellie doesnât say anything else, going quiet. âCome on, letâs get you something to eat.â
You nod, âgo clean up. Iâll get started on trying to clean this up.â You tell her and she makes her way upstairs. You sigh, looking over at the pool of blood and you feel sick. Youâve always had a crush on the older Miller brother since he arrived at Jackson, but youâre certain he doesnât even know you exist.Â
****
You check Joelâs pulse, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. Heâs still unconscious, has been for a few days, and the hospital isnât equipped with equipment to test brain function. All you can do is watch and wait to see if he will wake up.
Joel hurts, every inch of his body hurts and it feels like heâs trying to move mountains just to open his eyes. Fingers twitching and he opens his mouth, groaning quietly.
You gasp when you hear him groan, watching his eyes flutter, and you let go of his wrist, calling for the doctor. The doctor comes in and you gesture to Joel, âhe is waking up.â The doctor nods, checking Joel over, his bandages wrapped around his head, and they had to shave his head to perform the surgery. You wonder if he will be angry about losing his hair. Ellie is in the waiting room so you head out to see her. âHeâs awake.â You tell her and she stands up, âhe is. I want to see him.â You shake your head, âthe doctor is checking him over. Letâs give them some time.â
It takes a long time to understand what the doctors are telling him, frowning in confusion and wondering why his head feels like itâs been squashed like a grape. Moving is slower and he hisses in pain when he learns that his ribs have been broken and his leg is also fractured. Opening his mouth, itâs hard to get a word out. âE-E-El-Ellie.â He manages, needing to see her.
The doctor nods, âsheâs okay.â You escort Ellie into the room, wanting her to see her father is awake, and she rushes over to the bed. âJoel. Joel. Iâm sorry.â Ellie chokes, reaching for his hand. He groans as he squeezes her hand, silently assured that sheâs okay.â You watch their reunion with tears in your eyes from the doorway.
âD-d-donât bl-ame y-your-self.â Joel rasps out, still fuzzy on what happened. He doesnât remember anything much before waking up in the hospital. Although he gets the sense he was angry- desperate. He groans in pain when she lunges forward to hug him, but he doesnât push her away.Â
You watch Ellie hug him and you know in that moment youâll do whatever you can do to make sure Joel gets better. Ellie pulls back after several moments and the doctor checks Joelâs vitals. âHe needs some more time here so we can observe him.â Ellie nods at the doctorâs words and you walk over to rub her back.
âIâm going be honest, Mr. Miller,â the doctor tells him as he pulls back. âI am surprised that you even woke up. There was significant bleeding and swelling of the brain. Tests seem positive but there could be damage that hasnât manifested itself yet.â He tells Joel. âItâs going to be a long road to recovery for you.â
Joel doesnât say anything. He was nearly murdered. He knows he shouldnât be alive right now. Ellie sniffs as she steps back and Joel attempts to squeeze her hand. The doctor grabs his clipboard and looks at Joelâs recent vitals. âWaking up was half the struggle. Letâs monitor you and go from there.â The doctor says, âand we will keep running tests.â Joel grunts out an âokayâ and you offer him a smile, âyouâre a fighter just like Ellie said. Sheâs lucky to have you.â
Youâre familiar to him, he canât place it, but his thoughts are still fuzzy and jumbled. âHow- how long have I been here?â He asks after a moment. âThree days.â Ellie answers and he frowns. âWho- where have you been sleeping?â
Ellie says your name, âI have been staying in her house. She has been cleaning our house because there was too much blood and - and it was a mess.â Ellie reveals and Joelâs eyes are hazy as they meet yours, silently saying goodbye thank you and you nod in response. âJust focus on getting better, Ellie and I are enjoying some girl time.â You tease, winking at Ellie who chuckles.
****
Joel stays in hospital for two weeks and you look after Ellie, preparing his home for his return, and when the doctor declares him fit to leave, he says that he needs someone to look after him. He still canât shower by himself, he needs help eating and he struggles to walk alone. Itâs going to be a long recovery for Joel. âI can help,â Ellie says without hesitation as Joel sits on the edge of the bed.
âYou canât help me do everything.â Joel grunts, knowing that he could never allow the teenage girl to help him shower or get to fucking bathroom. âI- Tommy-â his brother has been by to visit every day, and heâs talked to him about taking Ellie. He doesnât know how he will manage, but he also knows he canât burden Maria and their baby with his convalesce.
âTommy is out of town on a scouting mission.â Ellie says, knowing Joelâs brother was set on revenge for his brotherâs condition. He just had to track Abby down. âI can help.â You volunteer, feeling close to him despite not having a full conversation with him. Spending time with Ellie, hearing her stories about Joel and his bravery had made you fond of him. âI can help him at home.â You offer and the doctor looks to Joel for his answer.
His eyes slide to you, unsure why you would volunteer to help him, but the doctor immediately nods. âThat would be a good idea.â He agrees. âYou can check his bandages and make sure that he doesnât get an infection.â He smiles at the three of you like itâs a done deal and Joel frowns slightly, not sure if he likes the idea of you helping him.
You nod, noticing Ellieâs grateful smile, and you look at Joel, âitâs for the best. I can monitor your health and help you. Iâm a nurse. Itâs a medical decision.â You tell him and he grunts, knowing he doesnât have a choice. Heâs discharged and you wheel him to the doctorâs truck, knowing Joel wonât be able to walk home. You arrive outside of the house and Joel grunts, âI can walk.â He doesnât want a wheelchair so you let him wrap his arm around you to guide him into the house. âTake your time.â You reassure him, âno need to rush.â
The shuffle is slow and painful, making him huff in irritation that he canât move like he would want to. Even as heâs gotten older and been slower, heâs been able to move how he wanted to. Now, in a cast and recovering from nearly dying, he needs help. Ellie jumps forward to open the door and heâs glad to see that the scene that had been left from the attack you told him about has been cleaned away. He will have to thank you for that. âFuck.â He pants, out of breath and in pain just because of the short walk from the truck to the house. âI donât know how the fuck Iâm getting upstairs.â
âWe moved a bed downstairs.â You tell him, âyou wonât be going upstairs for a while.â You escort him into the living room and help him settle down on the bed. Heâs only wearing socks so he groans as he sits down and you help him lay on the bed. âYou need to rest as much as possible. Let me get you some water. Are you hungry?â You ask, helping him settle against the pillows.
âCan you cook better than the shit they served at the hospital?â He grumbles, having not enjoyed the food there. Heâs relieved to be home and his head hurts a little bit less today than before. Heâs got a plate covering the fractured portion of his skull and they actually had to remove a large chunk of the bone.
You chuckle, âI like to think so. Iâm glad your appetite is back. What do you feel like? I make a mean mac and cheese.â You adjust his pillow and Ellie comes to sit down next to him. âSheâs a really good cook. Like really good. Iâve been helping make cheese and we even made a cake.â She tells Joel with wide eyes, shocked at how this place is like life in books she read.
âSure.â Joel agrees, the little fissure of pain at the mention of a cake isnât as rough as it might once have been. The last night she had been alive, Sarah had wanted a cake desperately for Joelâs birthday. âMake something the kid likes.â He suggests. âI eat anything.â
You smile, liking how he caters to Ellie, and you know that Ellie told the truth about the man she considers a father. âWhat do you want, sweetheart?â You ask her and she nods, âMac and cheese.â You ask if she wants to help you while Joel gets settled in and Ellie follows you into the kitchen so you can get started on the food and you pour Joel a glass of water. âYou want to take this to Joel?â You ask Ellie who takes the glass and takes it to her father figure.
Joel listens to the sound of people talking in the kitchen and itâs so strange. He canât make out whatâs being said, but he can hear voices. Itâs almost unsettling that there is someone else in the safe, cozy home that he and Ellie have managed to carve out for themselves. Tommy told him that Abby, the girl who had attacked him, was the daughter of the doctor he had killed to save Ellie. His past sins were coming back to haunt him, but he doesnât regret not letting the teen sacrifice herself for a lost cause.
Ellie comes back out to hand Joel the glass of water and he takes it, taking a sip. âThanks, kid.â He says and she sits down at the edge of his bed. âI- I thought I was gonna lose you.â She whispers, her brown eyes meeting his, âI was scared.â She admits and Joel feels his chest tighten, tears stinging in his eyes. âBut you didnât. I survived and I ainât going anywhere, kid.â He promises, reaching out to squeeze her hand with his free one. âShe been looking after you?â He asks her, jerking his chin towards the kitchen. âYeah. Sheâs been great. She cleaned this place up. Made sure I ate and showered and slept while worrying like fuck about you. Sheâs a good one.â Ellie says and Joel trusts her opinion. You hear what Ellie says from around the corner, some homemade chips in a bowl in your hand and you smile, liking that she trusts you. You carry the bowl in and set it down , âhope these are good. We fried them earlier today.â You say, looking between Ellie and Joel.
Joelâs brow raises and he nods. âThanks.â It hurts to nod so he just sends you his thanks with his eyes. âFor taking care of her and me now, I guess.â He sips the water and grunts when the cool liquid slides down his throat to quench his thirst. âIâm sorry for all the cursing I will be doing.â He warns you, knowing heâs never been a good patient.
You chuckle, âcurse away. Youâre alive. Thatâs all that matters.â You promise and make your way back into the kitchen to continue making dinner. Itâs going to be a long path of recovery but youâre happy to help Joel get back on his feet.Â
****
âShit.â Joel hisses as you help him into the downstairs bathroom to shower. âDo you, uh, I can help take off your pants.â You offer, cheeks burning as you try and help him shower for the first time since he left the hospital.
Joel isnât a shy man, never has been, but the idea that you have to help him bathe like he is a helpless baby makes him burn with embarrassment. Thereâs not a goddamn thing he can do about it though, his body is still healing and he canât get his head wet because of the stitches and staples. âFuck.â He grunt, hoping he doesnât really embarrass himself. The fact that heâs not gotten an erection since heâs woken up makes him wonder if something is wrong with that function. âFuck, what the hell else am I going to do? Shower with my fuckinâ clothes on?â
You shake your head, âno. I- I have to help. Iâm a nurse. I am a professional.â You tell him even though that doesnât hold much weight in todayâs world. âLet me help you.â You reach in to turn on the water to heat it up and you reach for Joelâs shirt. âKeep still.â You murmur, working the buttons open. He probably prefers t-shirts but the button down is required so he doesnât jostle his head. He is still weak so he lets you push the shirt off of his shoulders. âPants next.â You declare and hook your fingers in the sweatpants, dragging them down his legs and heâs naked under them so it's easier for him to use the bathroom. He steps out of them and you try not to appraise his naked form. Heâs still healing but heâs gorgeous.
âSorry.â He huffs, knowing that the last thing you want to do is to help an old man bathe, his still bruised body on display. Luckily, there were still medical supply devices like a chair to sit in the shower to make it easier for him, although he knows you will get wet helping him. His dormant cock twitches slightly and his eyes widen at the sensation.
You focus on looking after him and not on his body, which even though bruised, is still beautiful. You know your clothes will get soaked but thatâs okay, you donât want to strip off and make him uncomfortable so you step into the shower and help him sit down on the chair. âTemperature okay?â You ask and he nods. You grab the soap you made last week and hold it out. âYou want to do it or shall I?â You ask, knowing youâll need to wash his face so he doesnât get his head wet.
He hates to admit that heâs so damn tired after getting into the shower, he just wants you to do it. Grunting, he shakes his head slightly and winces when he feels a little pain. âJust do it.â He tells you, not wanting this to become some kind of pissing match. âFeel like a damn baby.â
You nod, ïżœïżœI understand but this is the best thing for you, honey. You need to focus on healing. You nearly died so being showered isnât the worst thing in the world.â You put it in perspective for him. You lather up your hands and work on washing his back. He groans and your stomach twists with forbidden arousal. Heâs injured, recovering, you shouldnât feel attracted to him.
âDoes it hurt?â Your soft question is almost arousing, murmuring in his ear but he grunts. âNo.â His voice comes out raspy and raw. âFeels good.â Heâs still so damn sore and your hands on his skin feels like a massage. âItâs feeling really good.â
You continue working on washing him, mindful of his bruises. âGood.â You murmur, âIâm so sorry this happened to you.â You say as you massage the soap into his black and blue back. âTommy tried to find them but they were gone.â You reveal, âthey are gone.â
âItâs my fault.â Joel murmurs quietly, closing his eyes and trying to forget the moment he had killed that doctor, but it plays behind his lids. âHow could you deserve something like this?â You snort, but he sighs softly. âI killed her father.â He reveals. âHe was a doctor, for the Fireflies. They believed Ellie was the answer to a cure.â He opens his eyes, frowning. âThey were going to remove her brain.â
You gasp, your hands freezing on his back. "They - does she know?" You whisper and Joel shakes his head. "She can't." You declare, having gotten to know Ellie enough to know that she would sacrifice herself. He nods, "I can't - I lied to her. I can't lose her." He confesses and you rub his back, "you won't. Secret's safe with me." You promise, "you didn't deserve this, Joel. No one does. This world...it's cruel but we have our little piece of paradise here. We just gotta protect it."
Even though he knows it would never absolve him of his sins, your words are a balm to his spirit. Soothing him and making him relax even more. âItâs nice here.â He murmurs softly. âSarah would love it here.â
Ellie had briefly discussed the daughter that Joel lost on Outbreak Day and you rub his shoulders, âwe are lucky. Not QZ, not the Wild West. We are safe and our commune is thriving.â You hum, âEllie is lucky to have you.â You murmur and he hisses when you press a little too hard, âIâm sorry.â You grab the rag and lather it up, âyou, uh, want to wash your -â Your cheeks heat up at the thought and he takes the rag without a word.
Joel washes his groin quickly, gritting his teeth when his long neglected cock starts to stir from the simple touch and the smell of your soap. He has noticed it every time he gets your help to use the bathroom and he is now covered in it. âHelp me.â He grunts, trying to push to his feet so he can wash his ass.
You wrap your arms under his armpits, helping him stand and he grunts as he washes his ass. When heâs done, you rinse him off and shut off the water, grabbing the towel around his waist. âYou good?â You ask and he nods, âyeah. Just feel like a fucking baby.â You chuckle, âat least you donât need breastfeeding.â
âFuck.â He huffs and blurts out, âthat would be more fun,â before he even realizes how inappropriate it would be. âShit, Iâm sorry.â He grunts, blushing slightly.
You snort and smile, âI think we are beyond apologies now, huh?â You say, knowing youâve helped him to the bathroom and now helped him shower. âLetâs get you redressed and Iâll heat up the soup I made earlier for you.â You tell him and grab the clean clothes you set aside for him.
His bedroom is what used to be the downstairs office. Itâs got some doors for privacy, but more often than not, they are kept open until he needs to change. It makes it easier. âI didnât ask, how do you like that bed?â His bedroom upstairs had become yours since they had broken down the smaller bed from the third bedroom. Joel wouldnât let you sleep on the couch, telling you he could piss in a bottle in the middle of the night if he needed to. You deserved to sleep in a real bed for helping him.
âItâs good. Nice and comfy. I have no complaints.â You tell him, knowing your roommate, Sandra, will be enjoying the peace and quiet on her own in your house. âI hope itâs comfortable here.â You help him pull the shirt over his head and you kneel down so he can step into the sweatpants.
âItâs a bed.â Heâs going to be uncomfortable regardless of where he is because of how badly he had been beaten. The only reason heâs alive is because she had started swinging on other parts of his body besides the head. âI think Iâll appreciate it more when I can move without wanting to cry.â
âNot too long now. Youâve overcome the worst. Youâll get there in the end.â You promise him, âyouâll get better. Ellie needs you.â You pull the sweatpants up and stand up, patting his chest. âAll clean.â You smile and guide him to sit on the bed. You swing his legs onto the bed and stand up, âIâll go get your soup, Miller.â
He watches you go, his eyes dropping down to your ass, not for the first time either. This time though, there is a punch of lust that his body responds to. Making him grunt and reach down to adjust himself slightly. You are beautiful and now that he has spent time with you, he can see why Tommy called him a lucky bastard.
****
You spend eight weeks looking after Joel. Helping him bathe until he can manage himself, feeding him, making sure he has water. Itâs your priority and you are so happy heâs recovering well. He can walk properly now and the bruises have faded. âYou want some cake?â You ask Joel as he walks into the kitchen where Ellie is trying to lick the spoon of the jam you made to go in the sponge cake.
âGod, yes.â Joel groans, the irony of cake not being lost on him. You have been positively spoiling him and Ellie and he hates to think about when you will leave. Heâs getting better and itâs about time you go back to your own life. âAre we doing a shower tonight?â The stitches are out, but he still has staples and needs help in the shower.
You nod, âyes, sir. Gotta make sure you avoid a nasty infection. We donât have any oral antibiotics left.â You sigh, knowing that even if someone found some, theyâd be expired. You and Ellie put the cake together and you cut out a slice for each of you. Setting the plate down in front of Joel, you love the way he smiles at you. Itâs been impossible to keep your affection for him at bay. Youâve fallen for him, knowing that you will have to return home at some point but the grumpy yet funny man has gotten into your heart.
âThanks.â He sends you a grateful look and sets his elbows on the table as he waits for you to sit down. âIt smells incredible. You seem to enjoy cooking, or is it just something you do because you know Ellie canât?â He teases, making the teenager huff and roll her eyes. âItâs not like Iâve had a chance to learn, man.â
You giggle and nudge Ellie, âyouâve been learning. Youâll get there. No, I, uh, I love cooking. Always have.â You admit, âI missed it a lot when I was on the outside. Cooking rabbit on a fire isnât quite the same as cooking in a warm kitchen.â You sigh, forking up a bite of the cake.
âYeah, campfires are temperamental, and cooking on them is even worse.â He snorts. Ellie chuckles. âWhen you would let us have them.â Joel shrugs slightly. âItâs dangerous out there.â He reminds her. âHell, itâs dangerous in here too, but itâs better than out there.â He glances towards the entryway where he had collapsed when Abby nearly beat him to death.
You notice his glance and you realize once again how close to death he was. âYouâre here now. Hopefully you donât have to go back out there anytime soon.â You reach out to squeeze Joelâs hand and he smiles at you, his fork in his other hand, âyou are safe for now.â
You have been incredible, and itâs almost amazing to see how you have slipped past the shell of his heart, something that only Ellie has managed since Tess. Itâs hard to believe Tess has been gone as long as she has, but Joel has been slowly trying to heal emotionally as he heals physically. Thoughts of you have crept into his waking hours, causing some embarrassing moments in the showers when he gets hard, or you wake him up from an erotic dream that features you.
****
âSo, the doctor gave you the all clear. Just to be careful and not do too much.â You smile at Joel as you enter the living room after the doctor left. He had done a full assessment of Joel and called his surgery a miracle - the fact that he survived is a gift from God. Ellie is out visiting Dina and you sit down next to Joel on the sofa, âI guess I can get out of your hair now. You can have your bed back and Iâll go back to my place.â You finish softly, sad to be leaving him.
Joel wipes his hands on his sweatpants, still wearing them out of habit over the past few months. âYouâre probably happy as hell to be getting away.â He snorts as he looks over at you and wonders how you have become even prettier than before. Heâs crazy about you, how kind you are, how you have taken Ellie under your wing and how you never rebuke him for when he gets sad and introspective. You have helped so much and he hates that you are leaving. âMaybe I need to get the shit beat out of me again, make you stick around.â
You chuckle, shaking your head. "No need to do that. All you have to do is ask me to stay and I would." You confess and your eyes widen at the way you blurted that out. You close your mouth, turning your head to stare across the room, avoiding those dark brown eyes. "I'm sorry. I-" You begin but he interrupts you. "Stay." You turn your head to look at him again, "what? You - you want me to stay?" You ask, feeling breathless.
He rolls his eyes at your question and huffs. âDo you think that Iâm getting hard every time you help me shower because getting clean turns me on?â He asks bluntly. âIâve been trying to think about anything else but you, but nothing works.â
You stare at him in shock, âI- I canât believe - I just thought you were horny because you couldnât jerk off.â You snort and close your eyes for a second. âI think about you. All the time.â You admit, reaching for his hand, âI had a crush on you before I came to help.â You tell him honestly, âalways thought you were handsome, but now that I know you? Youâre - fuck, I love you.â You confess just as breathless as your prior revelation.
His own breath stops, caught in his chest as you confess your feelings. A year ago, hell - a few months ago, he would have been denying that you felt that way. Ignoring it or being unable to respond in kind because his world was still ground to a halt, but that had changed. You and Ellie, that attack, it had changed things and made him realize that even though he had lost so many, he still had those to live for. He lunges forward and presses his lips to yours. âLove you too.â He murmurs as you gasp.
You canât believe heâs kissing you but you reach up to cup his cheek, pressing your lips back to his, and your heart is pounding in your chest. You shift closer, cupping his other cheek and you rest your forehead against his when you pull back, caressing his stubbled cheeks. âI love you, Miller.â You smile, unable to fathom that the man youâve fallen for loves you too.
He's panting and his heart is beating wildly in his chest. Already turned on again and starting to tent his sweats and all you've done is shared one kiss. Reaching up, he caresses your neck and shoulder. "Are you sure? I'm fuckin' old, baby." He jokes. "And a little decrepit."
You shake your head, "you're not decrepit. Or too old. I love you, Joel. No matter what. Hell, if I can look after you like I have and still think you are sexy, you're good to go." You promise with a giggle, sliding your hands down to his chest. "And I haven't stopped thinking about you between my thighs. Inside of me." You confess in a hushed tone.
The kid is off with her friend and Joel groans quietly, having thought of nothing else for the past few days. "I don't know if I can perform worth a shit." He admits with a shake of his head. "Haven't cum since I woke up."
"I don't care. Just want to be close to you." You murmur, "don't care if you cum right away. I can ride you." You want to be close to him, to feel all of him. "I keep thinking about how you'd feel inside of me."
He's still in his downstairs bedroom and he nudges his nose against yours. "Close the doors." He rasps out, nodding towards the French doors that close off his makeshift space. "I don't want to tire myself out trying to get upstairs."
You stand up, hands shaky as you shut the doors and turn to face him. You take in the details of his face, his head shaved from his surgery so his hair is growing back patchy but heâs still so attractive. You reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and you swiftly remove your bra. Hooking your fingers in your leggings, you push them down along with your panties to stand naked in front of him. âIâve seen yours, figured itâs only fair if you see mine.â
"It gets bigger." He jokes, aware that you have seen and politely ignored the times he's gotten hard from you helping him in the shower. "Fuck, you are beautiful." He praises breathlessly, eyes drinking in your body as he licks his lips. It's been a long goddamn time since he's been with someone, the last person was Tess, but he feels like he's about to bust if he doesn't touch you.
âSo are you.â You respond as you walk towards him. âSo brave. A fucking fighter.â You murmur, shifting to straddle him as he sits back on the bed. His hands immediately find your ass and you chuckle, knowing heâs watched it enough times. You cup his cheeks and lean in to kiss him, âwanna see if it gets bigger.â You joke, grinding down onto the tent in his sweats.
Joel groans, twitching underneath you and he knows he wonât have any problem performing. The problem might be that he doesnât please you before he cums. His hand slides around your waist to dip between your thighs. Hissing when he finds you starting to get slick as he starts to slowly rub your clit.
âOh God.â You pant, rocking down onto his hand. Itâs been far too long since anyone touched you and you are whimpering at the way his thick fingers rub your bundle of nerves. You tilt your head back and he leans in to kiss along your neck, your fingers digging into his shoulder as you absorb every touch.
He groans as he learns your body. He and Tess had been comfortable, completely familiar with each other and what the other liked. The whimpers and groans rockets his arousal higher as you grind down against his fingers and he feels like heâs going to bust in his sweats. Turning his wrist, he presses his thumb against your clit and slides his fingers through your slick folds so he can press them inside you.
âI want to touch you.â You whimper and he shakes his head, ânot yet. Otherwise this will be over sooner than you thought.â He grunts and you rock onto his thick fingers, stretching you out in the most delicious way. âFuckkkk.â You exhale as he presses his finger against that spongy spot inside of you. Heâs good. He knows what heâs doing.
He loves the way you respond to him, how wet you get. Sliding his hand up and down your back as he kisses along your shoulder and down to your tit. Wrapping his lips around a stiff nipple as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your wet heat.
âShit.â You hiss, caressing his head as he suckles on your nipple like heâs trying to root. It has you quivering and youâre so close. So many nights of imagining how heâd touch you has led to you getting worked up faster than you have ever known. âJoel. Oh God, Joel. Youâre gonna make me - Iâm gonna-â You donât finish your cry as you cut yourself off with a strangler choke and clamp down on his digits, soaking them with your cum.
âThatâs it, fuck, good girl.â Joel pants against your breast as he pumps his fingers to help you ride out your orgasm. âYouâre so goddamn good to me, ainât ya? You creaminâ all over my fingers, making me harder than a fucking rock.â He coos praises into your skin, enjoying the way your nails bite into his shoulder through the shirt. Your pretty cunt soaked his fingers and he can only imagine how good you will feel around his cock.
His words make you choke on your breath as he works you through your orgasm. You never imagined heâd be so dirty but you love it. âFuck, baby. Yes. I need - I need you inside of me but I want to suck your cock.â You whine, reaching down to tug on the hem of his shirt, wanting him naked beneath you.
âYou canât.â Joel moans, shaking his head. âI wouldnât last a minute. And I want to feel you, fuck, imagined it so many times.â He pants, pulling away from the back of the bed so you can pull his shirt off. âMaybe- later, if I can get it up again.â He chuckles.
You pull his shirt over his head, still mindful of his injuries, and you slide your hands down his chest, admiring his broadness. âYouâre so sexy.â You murmur, reaching down to pull his cock out of his sweatpants, wanting to see him in this light. Youâve seen his cock plenty of times but now you know heâs hard for you and itâs intoxicating. You pump him and he groans out a warning so you shift to lift your hips, positioning him at your entrance and you slowly sink down onto him.
âFuuuuuuuuck.â His hands grip your hips harshly and he clenches his jaw as you take him. You are hot and tight like a glove around his cock, clenching around him as your walls flutter. Your ass presses against his thighs and he rocks his hips up. âFuck, thatâs - fuck, gimme a minute.â He begs, feeling like heâs about to cum. âLet me- calm down.â
You nod, stilling on top of him, and you caress his chest. He exhales shakily and you lean in to kiss him, âtake your time, baby. Iâm in no rush.â You promise and kiss along his jaw, loving how he stretches you out.
Itâs been so long since heâs felt this close to anyone, your breath blows against his skin and he shivers. Closing his eyes as he holds you still. âFuck, I love you.â He murmurs quietly, aware that this is something that he shouldnât even have, he should have died. But heâs here and heâs going to live for the moment and bask in the forgiveness of your touch.
You close your eyes at his words, loving how he caresses you, and you tilt your head to look at him. âI love you too. Youâre so much more than you think you are.â You murmur, caressing his cheek, and you experimentally rock your hips. His groan makes your stomach clench and you rock again, starting slow as he moves inside of you.
âShit.â He hisses quietly, opening his eyes to watch as you start to move. âYouâre so pretty, so fuckinâ pretty.â He promises as he starts to slide his hands up and down your back. âYou feel so good, does it feel good for you?â
His words make your heart pound in your chest and you nod, âfeels so good. You feel so damn big inside of me.â You confess breathlessly, âstretching me out. Itâs been so long since I had sex. You need to- to pull out so tell me if youâre close.â You remind him, not wanting an accidental pregnancy right now.
Joel grunts, looking into your eyes as he nods. âI will.â He promises. Safe sex isnât really a thing to be had but hopefully thereâs not something to come of this. You are right to remind him. âIâm good baby, ride me.â
You take his word and start to move faster. Your hands gripping his shoulders as you start to move on top of him, moaning at the way he twitches inside of you. "Fuck, you feel so good." You pant, chest heaving as his cock curves just right inside of you.
Joel grunts and leans forward to press his lips to yours, biting your bottom lip after he kisses you. Your breasts brush against his chest and he pulls you closer, craving the feel of your skin against his.
You moan into his mouth, loving how strong her feels, how heâs recovered and heâs stronger for it mentally. You rock down onto his cock, loving the way he twitches inside of you, and you are getting close. Just the feel of having the man you love inside of you is pushing you higher. âOh shit.â You whimper when you find the right spot and you reach down to rub your clit, pushing yourself closer to the edge.
âThatâs it pretty girl, making yourself cum.â Joel groans, watching you touch yourself with dark eyes. Itâs so sexy and he canât get enough of it. âMake yourself cum on my cock. I want to feel it, see it. Show me what you look like.â
You nod, mouth open as you work yourself higher until you finally fall over the edge. A cry escapes your lips as you cum, moaning his name and you clamp down on his cock, soaking him while your orgasm rocks through you.
His eyes roll back in pleasure as he feels you squeezing him and he knows he will be cumming any second. âSweethea-rt, you gotta-â he grits his teeth as he jerks your body up off his cock so he can keep his promise to you, panting as he spurts all over his stomach and chest.
You watch him as he cums and you love it. The way he looks is intoxicating and you lean in to kiss him. âFuck, I love you.â You murmur, leaning in to kiss him as he pants your name.
He kisses you back eagerly, reaching for his shirt to wipe away the mess so you can lean against him. âFuck, that was- I canât even-â he chuckles quietly and kisses you again. âWhat do you think about moving in permanently?â
You smile as he looks at you, his dark eyes soft, and you cup his cheeks. âYes. Absolutely.â Your smile turns into a grin, excited to explore this next step with Joel. âI was dreading going home and I would miss you and Ellie like crazy.â You confess, âI want to stay.â
âGood.â He pauses for a moment and then he admits, âitâs felt like a proper home with you here. Ellie, she loves you too.â He tells you softly. âI think she imagines we are a family.â
âI imagine that too. Sheâs like a daughter to me.â You confess, âI want to make this a home and I want to be yours. Be in your bed every night. Be by your side no matter what.â You promise and Joel smiles, cupping your cheek, âsounds amazing, baby.â
****
âJoel.â You say his name as he takes a sip of whiskey. Ellie is watching a movie with the other kids in the barn and you decided to cook a romantic dinner for Joel, wanting to ask him something. He looks at you and you tilt your head, appraising him. You pick up your glass and take a sip, your throat suddenly dry. âEverything okay, baby?â He asks and you nod, squaring your shoulders. âI want a baby.â You announce, bracing yourself for him to say no.
Joel freezes, waiting for the familiar ache to take over his chest. For this vision to blur and his breathing to turn into short bursts as thoughts of Sarah take over. As the sounds of her rapid, panicked last breaths fill his ears. It never comes.Â
He doesnât panic at the thought of having a child that could remind him of Sarah. Ellie does in some ways, but sheâs a completely different type of girl. One raised in the world outside the safety of the walls of Jackson. If you had a child here, they would be innocent in some ways Ellie was not, more like Sarah. âA baby, huh?â He murmurs after a moment. âWith me?â He asks. âIâm nearly sixty, baby. You want that?â
You sense his hesitation and you feel like backtracking but you think about the nights youâve spent awake pondering this, weighing the pros and cons of having his baby in this world. You reach for his hand, âI know and I still want it. Spending time with Ellie, helping with your nephew, itâs made me realize that I can do it. Itâs hard, always hard being a mother, but Iâm ready and I want a baby. I want a baby that will carry our legacy, a baby that will grow up safe and capable. We will make sure of it. Unless you donât want that, which is - itâs fine. Iâll handle your decision. We both have to want this, Joel. Not just me. Donât do it for me. I want you to want this too and if you donât, then thatâs case closed.â You promise, not wanting to pressure him.
Joel squeezes your hand gently, reminded of the nights he had woken in a cold sweat, sometimes from the broken memories of him being attacked or the memory of losing Sarah. You have been right beside him, offering him comfort and solace. Heâs told you about that night, sharing with you memories that he has kept bottled for over twenty years. You had cried in his arms like you had been Sarahâs mother, assuring him that he had done everything right to try to protect his baby girl. The fact that heâs not immediately said no is very insightful and he bites his lip and watches you with a softness that even a year ago, he was unsure he was capable of. âItâs been a looooong time since 2 AM feedings and my hearing is shot.â He snorts, smiling slightly. âYouâll have to poke me to wake me up if you want me to get up with a baby.â
You smile, loving the way he has agreed to having a baby with you. âYouâre forgetting the best part about deciding to have a babyâŠ.â You trail off and smirk, âthe trying.â He returns your smirk and you giggle, standing up from your seat and you round the table to sit in his lap. âI love you.â You murmur when youâre settled in his lap, reaching up to caress his cheek. âI want you to fuck a baby into me, Joel.â
âFuck, thatâs hotter than I ever imagined.â Joel grunts, twitching underneath you. His sex drive isnât completely on par with yours, but he keeps up and keeps you satisfied in other ways. Youâve told him you donât regret being with him at all. Which is another balm on his battered soul. âYou want me to cum in that pretty pussy?â He asks, squeezing your ass. âImagined how you would look dripping me a few times.â
You moan, kissing along his jaw as his words wash over you. âI want you to cum inside of me. Put a baby in me.â You plead, wiggling on his lap. His hair has grown back now, more gray in it, but you love it, and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair.
He groans and captures your lips with his, licking into your mouth immediately as the easy passion blooms between you. His hands move to start stripping you down.
It doesnât take long for you and Joel to be naked. You stumbled up the stairs to your bedroom, clothes scattered on the trail upstairs and when you lay down on the bed, Joel is immediately hovering over you. Your heart is pounding in your chest and his hand slides along your thigh, cupping your pussy. âI donât want foreplay. I just want you. Want to feel all of you.â You murmur, caressing his shoulders.
There are times when you want the burn of his cock stretching you out and tonight is one of those nights it seems. Thatâs good because Joel is impatient to get inside you. He takes his cock in hand and pumps it a few times as he shuffles forward to press against your entrance. âI love you.â He murmurs.
He pushes inside of you, stretching you out, and you gasp out âlove you too.â He pushes inside of you until heâs fully seated and you take a deep breath, enjoying the weight of his body on top of yours and the weight of the moment. Deciding to take this step together has your body primed and ready for him. He starts to move inside of you and you wrap your legs around his waist, moaning at the way he rocks into you.
Nearly dying hadnât had the lasting effects that the doctors had feared when Joel had been brought in. His thrusts are steady, if not a little harder than normal, although he keeps the pace sedate. Not rushing, but he enjoys burying himself as deep as he can go and watching your eyes roll back in pleasure. âGonna knock you up.â He grunts out.
His words make you clench around him, your hands sliding down his back to squeeze his ass. His recovery has been a miracle from the man who was on death's door to the man currently making love to you trying to get you pregnant. You whimper when his lips find your neck and you rock your hips up to try and meet his.
Every time the two of you come together, Joel remembers how lucky he is. His kisses trail along your throat as he groans into your skin. Both of you give and take from each other. âFuck, baby.â Joel moans, his body tensing when you clench down around him again. âYou gonna cum before I fill you up? Love it when you soak my cock.â
You nod, "yes baby. I - shit - you always feel so good." You slide one hand down between you so you can rub your clit. He immediately bats your hand away after shifting his weight onto one elbow. You moan when he rubs your clit just right, his hips pushing into your ass as you take him deep inside of you. "Shit. Joel. You - I'm - God." You cry out as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him.
âThatâs it, good girl, goooooood girl.â Joel moans, clenching his teeth as you come apart around him. He feels his own body is ready to cum, excited by the situation and it only takes a few more thrusts. Instead of pulling his hips back, he plunges them forward, embedding himself deep as he paints your womb with his seed. âFuck, fuck.â He pants, closing his eyes as he rides out his orgasm, amazed at how good it feels. âYouâll be pregnant in no time.â
You smile against his lips when he leans in to kiss you and youâre so hopeful for the future with Joel. A baby that looks like the two of you combined. You are excited and when he pulls out, you keep his cum inside of you, trying to make sure that it takes. Youâll be pregnant in no time.
****
âSweetheartâŠ.Iâm supposed to go ride the southern border and check the area.â Youâve quieted down over the past few hours, but he can still see the sadness lurking in your eyes. Youâve stopped blaming yourself but he knows those thoughts are bouncing around and heâs reluctant to leave you. âDo you want me to have Tommy go? Stay here with you?â
You shake your head, eyes sore from crying, âno baby. Just go. Iâll be fine. Ellie will be back soon.â You murmur, keeping your back turned towards him. You feel useless, you feel broken, and you feel exhausted. Youâve tried so hard to get pregnant. You even researched old wives tales about how to get pregnant. Youâve taken herbs, teas, anything you can to get pregnant and after trying for so long, youâre exhausted.
He worries about you, leaning over and pressing his lips to your forehead. âIâll be back as quickly as possible and Iâll make dinner tonight.â He offers. Itâs the historical Motherâs Day today, and he knows you will be extra glum since you are once again not pregnant. Sometimes he wonders if he should just tell you that heâs changed his mind, taking the guilt and worry about it off your shoulders. You can blame him for not having a child. âOkay?â
âSure.â You murmur, closing your eyes as a cramp contracts in your stomach, making you curl into a ball. You really thought this was it. Your period was two weeks late and you didnât tell Joel because you wanted to surprise him and then you got your period. You sniff and Joel sighs, shuffling out of the bed to get ready for his shift. You canât blame him. Heâs had a kid. Itâs got to be you thatâs the issue.
Heâll look for some wildflowers for you while heâs out. They always make you smile and tonight, he will do his best to make sure that you know that no matter what, he loves you. He thinks about all this while he puts his clothes on and brushes his teeth, coming out of the bathroom to find you still curled up. âGo soak in a hot bath, baby.â He suggests, walking over to the bed and kissing your cheek. âIâll be back soon.â
You listen to him go and you know it's technically Mother's Day today. Salt in the wound. You swallow harshly and wait until the front door closes before you allow yourself to sob again. You can't believe you aren't pregnant. You've tried so hard. Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother.
Saddling the horse and getting let out of the gates of Jackson has Joel on autopilot. Most often the scouting parties are in groups, but today had been just singles, most men in the community wanting to spend time with their wives and celebrate them. The grass is green and lush; there's a certain beauty to the mild spring transitioning into warmer weather. Urging the horse forward, he is eager to finish the patrol so he can get back to you.
You have your bath, eyes sore from sobbing, and you try to come to terms that youâre never going to be a mother. Itâs just not in the cards. You love Ellie and you think of her as your daughter but you wanted a baby, a combination of you and Joel to love and care for in this new world. That isnât going to happen and you curl around yourself in bed after youâre dry, trying to cope with that fact.
Pulling the reins, Joel listens carefully, certain that he has just heard a cry. His hand goes to his rifle to pull it off his shoulder. Wary of traps or ruses to draw unsuspecting people in, he scans the area. Silence lingers long enough until heâs almost convinced he was hearing things when thereâs another, louder cry. A baby. His eyes widen and he nudges the horse forward again. âHello?â He cups his hand and calls out, wondering if there is a group traveling nearby. There must be, if there is a baby. Mountain lions and things that can sound like a baby crying are farther up in the mountains. Instead of the sound quieting, the crying turns into screaming, giving him a direction to head towards. Joel keeps his rifle up and guides the horse with his knees when he almost stumbles upon the scene.Â
âShit!â Thereâs a woman lying on the ground, face down with a carrier on her back, a small baby - no more than three or four months old - screaming from the restraints. He scans the areas again, looking for a trap, but thereâs nothing moving. The baby's howls prompts him to dismount and move towards the woman, his rifle pointed at her until he reaches them and nudges her with his boot. Wondering if sheâs been changed and cannot get to the baby, although heâs never seen one go dormant with a human around and making noise. âHeyâŠâ prodding her doesnât make her move and Joel scans the area again, the open range not a good spot to plan an ambush, but someone could be hiding in the tall grass. Carefully kneeling down, he grabs a bony thin shoulder and turns the woman enough to see that her gaunt face and shrunken eyes are lifeless. âShit.â He hisses, looking back at the baby who is almost as bad as the mother. From what it looks like, this poor woman had been traveling to find shelter, food, anything for her and her baby and she collapsed less than two miles from salvation.Â
Joel sighs as he sets the rifle down and rolls the body on its side. âIâm sorry.â He murmurs quietly, his heart clenching at the reality of the situation, reaching out to close the womanâs eyes before unbuckling the strap for the carrier that is across her chest.
Ellie returns before Joel does and you offer her a smile as she says hello. âI, uh, I made you something.â She says, handing you a piece of paper. Itâs a card. âHappy Motherâs Dayâ it says and your heart clenches. A genuine smile on your face as you realize she made this for you. You open it and tears sting in your eyes as you read her scrawled handwriting. âThank you for being the mom I never had.â She wrote and you choke, reaching for her. âI love you so much sweetheart.â You pull her close, reminded that you have a beautiful daughter who loves you. âI love you too.â She murmurs, holding you just as tight. The front door opens and you pull back as you hear a baby crying. âJoel?â You gasp when your partner walks into the kitchen.
âEllieâŠ.go to Tommyâs and get a bottle.â He orders the teenager as he starts to pull the baby carrier off his own chest to take the baby out. He had brought the body back, but this baby needed milk as soon as he could get it for her. âI found her,â he explains. âA woman collapsed two miles away from Jackson, she starved to death.â He motions you over. âAt least, I think itâs a girl.â
Your eyes widen as he cradles the baby and you reach out to take them into your arms. The babyâs diaper is dirty and you shush them as you walk over to grab an old dish towel from the drawer as a makeshift diaper. âItâs okay, sweetheart.â You coo, unwrapping the baby on the kitchen table and you tell Joel to get a wet cloth. You work on cleaning up the baby, âitâs a girl.â You announce and wrap her in the dishtowel, using the pin from her old diaper. âItâs okay sweetheart. Youâre okay, sweet girl. Youâre safe and we are going to get you milk.â You promise, cradling her as you turn back towards Joel. âHer poor mother. So close to salvation.â You sigh, shaking your head at the tragedy.
âI brought her back.â Joel tells you quietly, watching as you bounce the baby girl in your arms and coo at her to calm her down. âHoping something in her bag would tell us where sheâs from, what the babyâs name is.â He sighs softly. âI couldnât leave her out there.â
âHer mother deserves a service, a burial. We must give this little one a place to visit her mother.â You murmur, stroking her cheek. Sheâs gorgeous, her eyes watching you, and you try to not get too attached to her, knowing that Maria and Tommy will be handling the situation.
Ellie comes bursting into the house. âGot a bottle!â She yells, thundering down the hall to rush into the kitchen. âTommy and Maria are coming too.â She pants, quickly handing the full bottle of milk to you. The baby is obviously hungry because the second that you brush the nipple against her mouth, she shakes her little head furiously as she tries to get it in her mouth, crying out before the nipple is in and immediately starting to suckle hungrily with great, greedy gulps.
âWe will need more. Tommy and Maria have everything for a baby. We - they should take her.â You murmur, knowing it will be hard to hand the baby over but she isnât yours and the leader needs to make a decision on her placement.
Joel takes one look at the way you hold this baby while sheâs eating and knows thatâs not what needs to happen. This baby is your chance to be a mother, to feel like a mother. Itâs like it was fate for him to be out there and find her today, to bring her to you. âI think we should keep her.â Joel tells you, coming up and laying his hand on your shoulder. âTommy and Maria have a lot on their plate with one baby already.â
Your eyes widen as you look at him then back at the baby. âWe - us - are you - Joel.â You whisper, a soft smile on your face as you dare to hope that you can keep the little girl. It feels wrong. Her mother just died, but she canât be left alone. She needs someone to look after her.
The front door opens. âJoel?â Tommyâs voice floats through the house and Joel keeps looking at you with the baby. âIn the kitchen.â He calls out. The guards at the gates had kept his horse with the poor womanâs body and he had known Tommy and Maria would come to find out what the hell happened, but he wanted to get the baby here first. Footsteps quickly sound out, two sets of them like he expected and the baby is still greedily sucking away at the milk when his brother and sister in law come into the kitchen.
You look up as Maria walks in, her baby strapped to her chest, and she immediately comes over to see the baby in your arms. âOh, sheâs a sweet little thing. She needs fattening up. Poor girl, her mom was so close to our gates. She needs a mother. You should be her mother.â She says and you stare at her, âare you sure?â Maria smiles, stroking the head of her son. âShe needs a mother and you are a more than capable applicant.â She gestures to the way youâre holding the baby. âI- I know this sounds insane but I feel like this is my purpose.â You murmur, looking down at her as she suckles.
Tommy smirks at Joel, who is obviously relieved by the decision. Heâs talked to Tommy about the issues youâve had trying to conceive and wished that there was some way for you to figure out what was wrong, but there just arenât the medical resources here in Jackson. Joel had even been thinking about trying one of the universities, but couldnât risk it again. âWe both feel that way.â
You smile, cooing at the baby. âDid we find out what her name is?â You ask and Tommy nods, holding up a note that was in the motherâs satchel. âHer name is Hope.â Tommy reveals and you smile, âHope.â You murmur, pulling the bottle away when sheâs done. You shift her to your shoulder to burp her and you cradle her once sheâs burped. âSheâs our hope.â You declare as you look at Joel and he comes over to wrap his arm around you, looking down at the baby. âOur new daughter.â Joel murmurs, kissing your hair and he beckons Ellie over. âSheâs kinda cute.â Ellie says and leans in to stare at the baby. âHi Hope. Iâm Ellie. Your big sister. Iâll teach you everything you need to know. Especially about our grumpy dad.â She jokes and Joel chuckles and rolls his eyes. âWe will gather everything youâll need and we will make sure her mother has a proper burial. For now, you guys settle in as a family.â Maria says, stepping back towards Tommy. âOh and Happy Motherâs Day.â Maria says to you and you smile, âyou too.â You may not be able to have a biological baby but you have Ellie and you have Hope. The two girls who have made you a mother.
#pedro pascal#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller imagine#hbo the last of us#tlou#Happy Mother's Day
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hi! i just saw the ask you answered about leaving aemond out and i giggled.
if i may offer an idea, what about if reader finds out where aemond goes to find comfort (the brothel) and is upset because she thought differently of him but maybe he confesses what he actually does there (tittie suckin and therapy) and she offers aemond her own comfort. maybe reader looks more like their mother and it's exactly what aemond wants/needs. he's such a broken boy with horrible mommy issues.
this is not me at all telling you that you NEED to write a fic about this. i just had this idea jumbled around in my head and i don't know how to write it myself. đ
thank you for your fics. they are truly wonderful. đ
pairing: aemond targaryen x hightower!reader
word count: ~8.3k
warnings: 18+, cursing, spoilers of s2 of hotd, talks about brothels and prostitutes, fingering, p in v, lactation (milk play? i don't even know what i did), nipple play, slight mommy kink (or a lot depending how you see it), talks of infidelity, slight somno, riding
a/n: it's funny that this ask was sent cause i had something similar in mind. so this came super easily to me. i added some fire to the reader cause after ep 4 of hotd i was so angry at aemond (and still am). i can't believe he did that to aegon (he's my boy of the season) not to mention what he did to queen meleys and queen rhaenys. i'm not sure if i'd be able to forgive him. @heybank i hope this is somewhat like what you had in mind!
it came out a little longer than expect but nonetheless i hope you all enjoy! also aemond is stubborn in this fic but an equally stubborn reader and i love her for it. the reader and aegon are lowkey besties because i only want the best for him lol so don't mind that. i am ecstatic for the next episode and see the fall out of ep 4.
do you know the struggle i had to find aemond's whore's name. omg most difficult part of this oneshot.
after this fic i think i need to go to church and confess. i'm sure the priest will douse me in holy water and make me pray a hundred holy marys or something.
enjoy!!
It slipped out in the midst of their endless teasing and banter. The one secret Aemond never wished for you to find out. You're strong enough to know about the others; you recognize who he truly is at his core: an ambitious, envious man, but this one secret? This one he prayed you never knew about.
Aegon and you had been indulging in the sweet wine imported from High Garden. A delicacy that made your head fuzzy and your body loose. After finding you strolling all alone through the gardens, he insisted on drinking with you. If someone were to appease him by complaining about matters of the council, it would be you.
Those meetings drag on for hours on end on multiple occasions during the day as ravens fly in to share news of the brewing war. It robs you of your husband's attention and robs Aegon of his will to live as they tell him what to do and say, completely ignoring any input he might haveâas idiotic as it may be.
You meet your distant cousin midway, complaining about how boring the meetings are and how uptight everyone is, including your husband. You offer the new King honest advice disguised as flippant comments, hoping he'll accept it even if he thinks of it as his own.
"It's not like I'm the only one who indulges in the pleasure of the street of silk. Every nobleman loves to get their cock wet by those whores," Aegon mumbles as a response to being reprimanded for his escapade late last night with his guards.
The charitable King paid for the villager's drinks and entertainment for the night. It was a prosperous night for the brothel. The 'ladies' will do just about anything to get coin. Who says the King doesn't aid his subordinates in need?
You stifle a laugh with the back of your hand and shake your head at him, "Yes, but you're the King now. It's not about laying with a commoner. It's about security. There are people who would do just about anything to gain Rhaenyra's favor, including hurting you, AegonâŠ"
Reasoning with Aegon is a challenge. His mind spins in ways you will never comprehend, but you try to keep your cousin safe while appeasing the council.
If Aegon values something, it's his life. If he knows there is danger out there, he will hold back, even if it's for a night or two. Her duty as his friend is to keep reminding him of all the danger lurking in the dark corners of the silk street.
"I suppose you're right, dear cousin. Guess we'll have to bring them here," he laughs as he thinks of the pandemonium it will cause. "I'll have Thalia and Margery or perhaps Dorothy. Hell, why limit myself? I'm the King! The guards can have their pick of the lot, Aemond will have his old reliable, and Lord Lannister can have the beautiful Sarah."
Aegon tips his goblet, drinking the last drops of wine to quench his dry mouth, failing to notice his slip-up.
Aemond's name sends a burning chill down your spine, and your mouth turns to cotton as it dries up. As you repeat Aegon's words, your heart promises to break out of your ribcage. Surely, you misunderstood his words.
"Aemond's old reliable?" You laugh to keep Aegon at ease. Grabbing the pitcher of wine to fill both of your cups, urging him to drink more and get his tongue looser. He won't remember your interrogation by morning.
"Ah yes, the first woman he fucked. Thanks to me, might I add. He still loves to visit her. I'd say her tits got him all enamored."
Just like the women in court, Aegon prattles on and on about everything he knows about Aemond and his whore. Including how he found him laying with her just last nightânaked as the day he was born, blue sapphire glinting freely under the candlelight.
Blinding hot fury courses through your veins, lighting you up in flames from the inside out. Aegon will assume your reddening face and chest are from the wine and his vulgar words. There is no use in correcting him as you urge him to continue talking.
By night's end, you are equally as drunk as Aegon. The Guards escort you both to your respective chambers, watching amusedly how you argue with Aegon about whose dragon is strongest, Sunfyre or Dreamfyre. In reality, you were plotting which sibling would aid you in yelling dracarys in Aemond's direction.
You wish the alcohol would make you forget, but the sad truth is you will remember every single detail. The pounding headache you'll have in the morning will be a painful reminder of the secrets spilled over red wine.
For a fortnight, you sit and think about the valuable information Aegon shared with you. Anger burns ardently inside of you as it has nowhere to go. As a lady of the court, you're not allowed to train with the men, and as a Hightower, you have no dragon to channel that anger through.
If your fury were to be caused by any other reason, you'd find release in Aemond's arms. His aching cock stroking your drenched walls fervently. His sweaty skin sticking to yours. His fingers digging into your curves to find purchase. The low tone of his voice in your ear whispering words you'd never dare repeat and shamefully make you peak around him.
The thought makes you sick. How many times has he fucked her in such a way? Is it different? Does he let go and fuck her harder as he's not afraid she'll break?
Thinking is your worst enemy. As you imagine every possible scenario, your insecurities rise from their hiding spots. Does he love her? He laid bare with her; he must feel something if he allowed her to see him in such a vulnerable position.
The memory of the first time he took off his eyepatch in your presence pains you. So many conversations and stones of trust had to be set to get to that point, yet he did it with her. A common whore that dares ask for coin to please him with her presence.
You are different from the other ladies of the court who accept their husbands sleeping around with unknown women. You are jealous and territorial, something Aemond knew when you married. Under the eyes of the seven, he swore that his loyalties lay solely with you.
Alas, all men do is lie. Not even the noblest of men can be trusted. All you asked for was a good husband that would not embarrass you. How foolish of you to believe Aemond would be it.
Your fury grows and manifests as you observe Aemond and his whereabouts. It's hard to keep your anger at bay, but he's too busy plotting with Criston Cole to notice your withdrawing nature and emotional distance.
Visiting his quarters nearly every night tells you all you need to know. In that fortnight, you find him missing a multitude of times. There's no doubt he's in the brothel. Where else might he be deep into the night as the world sleeps?
When you ask about his location, the guards hesitate and stumble over their words. They try to save their necks by lying because the Prince continues to slip from their grasp time and time again. They are not as skillful at lying as your husband.
Having had enough, you wait for Aemond's return in his quarters. A goblet of wine is balanced between your fingers. The red liquid swirls along the rounded goblet, mimicking how your anger swirls around you.
You observe the map laid out on the wooden table. His plans are incredibly different from Aegon's. You pity the King as his most trusted advisor and Hand do as they please behind his back.
You've barely drank the wine. The goblet is merely a distraction from your fidgeting hands. You do not need the courage it provides; your anger fuels your intentions.
Old stone rumbles and sets behind you. Turning on your seat, you find Aemond emerging from one of Maegor's tunnels. This is how he sneaks out so damn easily.
"Wife," Aemond greets, keeping his composure, but his tense posture reveals shock. Your husband tends to wear a relaxed stance in your presence. You're the last person he expected to be waiting for him.
"Husband," you reply. The word is bitter on your tongue.
"What brings you in so late? You should be resting," Aemond speaks, taking off his cloak and approaching your seated figure.
Your eyes lazily move up to meet his. "Rest," you chuckle humorlessly. "I haven't been able to find rest in weeks."
"Does something ail you? Should I call a maester?" He asks, giving you a once over. Other than the dark circles around your eyes, there seems to be nothing out of place.
You're still you. Beautiful copper hair that easily identifies you as a Hightower flows down your back, and big brown eyes that resemble his mother's look back at him, although contempt has replaced the unconditional adoration that typically resides there.
His worry sickens you. His existence is an annoyance like a pebble in your shoe. You've harbored this anger for too long, and simple distaste can quickly transform into hate.
"Where were you?" You ask, raising an eyebrow. He's not going to get out of this. He must face the consequences of his actions. You will not live in bitterness while he runs around doing as he pleases.
"Conducting some business for the King." Aemond tilts his head, observing your posture and the set of your eyebrows. There's an electricity around you that shoots warning signs at him.
"Where. Were. You?"
"I'm afraid it is none of your business," Aemond says with a sharp exhale. He steps away to avoid your glaring gaze, unbuckling his sheath and setting it on one of the many desks that litter his room.
"I didn't realize we were keeping secrets from each other." The goblet's thud on the table is as loud as your unspoken fury. Wine splashes on the map like blood will spill in battle.
"There are always secrets. I have them. You have them," Aemond answers, leaning back on the desk.
Your hands smooth down the fabric of your dress as you stand. Finding his calculating gaze, you say, "So that's what you call your whore over at the silk street? A secret? I thought her name was Sylvi?"
Aemond freezes, and his muscles tense. You can't possibly know. He's entirely still as if the action would stop time and give him a chance to come up with an explanation, a lie. "I do not know what you speak of," the hesitancy of his voice unveils the cruel truth.
"Spare me the lies, and do not treat me like a naive maiden, Aemond. You know how much I loathe being made a fool," you snap loudly.
Aemond takes three long strides to reach you. Reacting, you take a step back but have nowhere to go. He doesn't touch you, but Aemond towers over you as he glares back. "Who told you? Was it Aegon?" He hisses.
"Please," you scoff. "The maids talk, the guards talk, husband. It was only a matter of time. Did you think I'd never find out? Are you truly that dense, Aemond?"
Your glare is sharp enough to cut him. He fell in love with that look when directed at others, but now that it's looking straight at him, he finds it's the one thing he might hate most.
All people around him have looked at him like that at some point. Aegon. Daemon. Jacaerys. Alicent. All except for his sweet sister and you, his beloved wife.
That look alone makes him regret stepping into the brothel many moons ago.
You should've never found out about Sylvi. It was meant to be a fleeting moment, but the war takes a toll on everyone, including Aemond.
Alicent's disapproving attitude towards him after Lucerys' incident led him to the whore more times than he can count as he sought the comfort Alicent never gave him and he craved.
"What is it that whore gives you that I do not?" You maintain eye contact as your chest presses against his. Your stubbornness will not let you back away from this argument. You deserve an answer.
You thought you were a good wife. Because of you, Aemond has two sons. You provided male heirs, a nobleman's dream. You warmed his bed whenever he asked and even when he didn't. You confided in him. You chose him.
"Talk, damn it. Your scheming plans won't get you out of this one," you yell, slamming your fists on his chest. Picking a fight is the only thing you have left. You want to scream at him until your voice turns raw.
"There is nothing to say. She's a quick fuck; that's all she is," Aemond seamlessly lies, grabbing your thundering fists. His thumb rubs over the back of your hands, hoping the calming gesture will tame your anger.
"A quick fuck? I could've been queen if I tolerated Aegon's quick fucks. The option was right there, and I chose you because I stupidly believed you'd make a better husband," you scream as your cheeks turn an unbelievable shade of red.
"Wife, please," Aemond pleads as you remind him.
The choice to wed you was not his to make. It was entirely yours. Each night, he prayed you'd choose to marry him. A woman of incredible smarts and hypnotizing beauty deserved to be with a man who acknowledged those attributes, not a blundering man like Aegon, who would only use her for her body.
"Do not touch me," you spit, tearing your wrists from his grasp and pushing him back with all the muster you could gather. "How dare you try to touch me after you've laid with her? After you fucked her? You repulse me."
Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you spew your words. Aemond stands there, taking it all of your furyâhe deserves it. What you hate the most is that he does nothing to defend himself, as if all of your words are the maddening truth.
"It was not my intention to hurt you," Aemond swallows as tears fall down your cheeks.
"These tears do not stem from hurt. They are from humiliation. You embarrassed me, Aemond. Do you know how many hours I've spent praising you in front of the other ladies of the court, speaking about how perfect of a husband you've been these past two years?"
Your pride might be bigger than his, and he's done the worst thing he could ever doâ wound it. Such a prideful woman will only forgive him if there's a good enough reason and with lots of begging.
At his silence, you push past him and reach for the door. "I've made my duty as your wife and given you two sons. Do not expect more from me. Go to your little whore and see if she'll perform the wifely duties you asked from me." With one more glance towards your husband, you slam the door.
It is no mystery why Aemond is in a mood from that night forward. Guards stand straighter with him around, Aegon's so-called friends keep quiet, and Criston Cole bears the brunt of it all as Aemond calls him to spar. Each passing day becomes more brutal.
You have stayed true to your word and kept your distance from Aemond. You've never felt as far away from him as when you sit by him during meals. You no longer place your hand on his thigh when Aegon throws jabs at him or smile his way when he says something worth admiring.
If you must address him regarding the children, you do so but with a straight face and without awaiting his answer. The Red Keep has turned grey as you no longer pull him through the halls between duties to find a dark corner to kiss or touch him. Fleeting moments he truly cherished.
He's losing you, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He's sure that you will never look at him the same if he comes clean with the truth. It will burn whatever thread is left of your marriage.
"Aemond, what's the matter?" Alicent asks. They're in her quarters discussing one of the many plans to prepare for war, and yet he's not paying attention.
"Nothing," he says softly, eyeing the map in front of him. We should send our men to the east."
Alicent tilts her head and sits across from him, studying him closely. "Is this about your wife?"
The glint the young Hightower carries is missing. Her constant search for Aemond throughout the day has ceased abruptly, startling Alicent and Helaena. She rarely mentions him, only speaking about him when asked, and even then, her words have bite.
Alicen believed her son could do no wrong regarding his wife. Aemond adored you. He pinned after you from the moment it was announced that you were searching for a husband.
Alicent was hesitant at first. Marrying inside the family was a queer Targaryen custom, not a Hightower one, yet Otto insisted. Another Hightower in the Red Keep meant more power. He pushed you to marry Aegon while Aemond asked Alicent to consider him instead. She left it in your hands. It was only fair that you made the choice of who you shared your life with.
Aemond is silent momentarily, "She's upset with me." His words are short as he avoids talking about the subject.
"What did you do?" Alicent sighs disappointedly, leaning back on her chair. Why must her sons ruin all good things in their lives?
Alicent's reaction causes him to close back up just as quickly. Yes, it is his fault, but his mother's lack of faith is disheartening. Once upon a time, Aemond would've confided in his mother, but recent events have severed that trust. "My marital problems are none of your concern."
"Then how am I to help you fix this?" She asks in a knowing tone. Alicent feels the weight of her house on her shoulders. She's responsible for keeping everything together.
"I don't recall asking for your help, mother." Aemond ignores her judging eyes, moving the metal pieces around the map. He was here to make war plans, not talk about his feelings.
"Very well," Alicent clears her throat, moving farther away from her son. The gods are punishing as each one of her children drift away from her.
Unlike Aemond's mother, you take your duty as a mother quite seriously. Your children are all you have, and you cherish them equally. You refused a wet nurse when you birthed your first, and when the second followed a year after, you proceeded to do the same.
Feeding them from your breast brings a wave of emotion that is impossible to describe. The bond that forms between mother and child is strengthened by this natural action. Why do the other ladies in court not do the same? All they do is gossip and indulge in the luxuries of the keep. They have no responsibilities other than to please their husbands and care for their children.
The loud cries of your youngest filter through the door and echo throughout the halls of the keep. The babe has been incessantly crying for the past hour for no reason. Feeding and changing his nappy did nothing to ease his discomfort, leaving you overwhelmed. Nonetheless, you continue to soothe your child because if you didn't, what kind of mother would you be?
You ignore Aemond as he steps into your chambers, bouncing the eleven-month-old in your arms. He must've followed the cries. "There, there, Baelor," you coo, placing your hand on the back of his head, brushing through the thin strands of pale silver hair.
The babe continues to sniffle and release weak cries. The poor thing is exhausted yet refuses to sleep. He hangs onto his mother's dress and hair, opening and closing his chubby fist.
Aemond approaches you, extending his hands to take him from you, "May I?"
You cannot refuse him. Baelor is his son, and while he seeks the pleasure of common whores you know he adores his sons.
Baelor is fuzzy and complains when he's taken away from your warm embrace, but he immediately settles in his father's hold when he recognizes him. The smell of Aemond's leather clothes offered him the comfort he was searching for.
Baelor missed his father.
"Clearly, you're his favorite," you murmur, settling down in the chaise that faces the fireplace. You're worse for wear. It's hard to find rest when questions remain unanswered, and you've lost the person you love most.
"Only till it's time to feed," Aemond says to lighten the mood between you.
You scoff, removing your jewelry and tossing it on the cushion beside you. "Great, I'm a glorified cow, only used to feed."
Aemond falters, his hold on his son tightening as he curls closer into Aemond's neck. Baelor's soft breaths tickle his neck. "That's not what I meant, wife."
You continue to stare into the fire as tears line your eyes. "I know," you whisper. It's been a difficult day.
Had you not been betrayed by Aemond, you would've sought his attention and spilled all the thoughts running through your mind so he could tell you you were being unreasonable.
He would reassure you that you're intelligent, beautiful, a wonderful mother, cunning, captivating, and a dream come to life.
You're punishing yourself. You decided to distance yourself, and came to the horrid realization that it is much harder than you bargained. You underestimated what three years of always being together would do to you.
Aemond catches on to your apprehension and puts a sleeping Baelor on the cradle the nursemaid left by your bed. He returns to your side and kneels on the floor right by your feet.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes for the first time since that night. It's been a long, difficult four weeks without you by his side. He misses all the little things you did for him.
All the check-ups throughout the day to make sure he's broken fast or slept well. Brushing his hair at night before he takes you to bed and shows you his gratitude. Your eyes meeting his across the room, suggesting he takes you elsewhere for a stolen private moment away from everyone else.
He misses you telling him about everything Baelor and Rhaegar got up to in the day and about every new milestone they hit, suggesting they are as healthy as they can be. He misses the late nights spent tangled together, talking about what the future holds for you both, the idea of having a baby girl for Rhaegar and Baelor to protect.
"What do you apologize for now?"
"For betraying your trust. I made an oath and broke it, and for that, I apologize. It is my biggest regret in life," Aemond says, reaching for your hand. "Please, forgive me."
"Then why do you continue to lie?" You whisper as a tear rolls down your cheeks.
"That's the only truth there is," Aemond whispers breathlessly. You give him a pitiful chuckle and tug your hand away from his despite wanting to hold onto it forever.
Your nose burns as more tears spill from your eyes. Insecurity wrapping you in its arms. "Please, do not lie. Why do you want me to believe you went to the brothel for a fleeting pleasure when I have always been here? Am I not good enough for you?"
Your anger has simmered down to a smoky sadness that envelops you. Aemond is lying to you when you're the person he's supposed to trust the most. If there is a chance of rebuilding this marriage, he must tell you the truth, even if it ruins you.
"Gods, you are everything I wanted and more, my sweet wife," Aemond speaks, cupping your face to wipe away your salty tears.
He's at a loss. He's hurt you, but the pain can be remedied if he speaks the truth. How can he allow you to believe you're not enough when you're the perfect woman. His endeavors in the street of silk stem from his own damaged soul, never yours.
"I am afraid," Aemond confesses, brushing one last tear with the pad of his thumb before he retreats his hands. You stare back at him, puzzled. "It is not what you believe. I have not laid with another woman since I married you."
"Then what is it, Aemond? Because my mind has conjured up the worst of scenarios."
"You will not think of me the same," he says, ashamed, hanging his head to avoid your hurt gaze.
"Is that such a bad thing?" You ask aloud, and without awaiting his response, you continue to speak, "Until you work up the courage to tell me the truth, things will remain the same. No matter how much it hurts."
Standing, you leave Aemond kneeling on the floor to prepare for sleep. You glance over your shoulder and watch Aemond stare deep into the fire. When you step out of the privacy screen, he's gone.
It takes another week of agony for Aemond to come to a decision. He cannot bear having you so close yet so far away. He misses you and greatly underestimates how much happier you make him.
He hasn't been to the brothel since the night you confronted him. He barely spares it a thought nowadays. You are the only person wreaking havoc in his head.
He fucked up his marriage, and now he has to pay his dues, even if it means coming clean about his intentions with Sylvi. It was barely sexual, he hasn't fucked her since he married you, but he couldn't let go of the comfort she provided, and Alicent withdrew.
He's smart enough to know it's a farce. The women in the brothel will do just about anything if it means they are paid. But Aemond deluded himself into believing Sylvi cared about what he had to say and told her things he hadn't spoken to anyone else. She played the part well, giving advice freely and reassuring him with soft touches and softer words.
When the guard opens the door to Aemond's chambers, allowing you to enter, he instantly stands, approaching you to ask for your hand and kiss the back of it.
You raise an eyebrow at him but allow him nonetheless. The press of his lips to your skin sends a spark up your arm and down your spine.
"Wife," he greets, guiding you to sit.
"Aemond," you reply, not quite giving in to his sweet actions. Aemond summoned you with the promise of the truth. That is why you're here.
"How does the day find you?"
"Aemond, please," you plead. You came for the truth, and niceties won't do anything to soften the brunt of his words. Prolonging this won't help anyone.
"Very well," Aemond sighs, gesturing you to sit. His hands remain on his lap where he opens and closes them anxiously. "I met her when I was three and ten. Aegon forced me to the brothel because he thought it was time IâŠbecame a man."
You dare not speak as Aemond justifies his actions. You need to know the truth before your nerves consume you.
This is the tricky part of his story. After a brief pause, he clears his throat and continues, "She was far older than I was and offered something I lacked in the Keep. Comfort, solace, familiarity, whatever you want to call it. I continued to visit her throughout my youth, although it wasn't always to find release rather than someone to listen and give me what my mother never could."
Aemond avoids looking at you, afraid of what he might find written on your face. Perhaps disgust, shame, or disapproval.
He owed you the truth, so he spoke about all the details of this affair. How he liked the intimacy of lying naked with Sylvi, suckling at her breast. How she would hold him in her arms and touch him. The advice she would offer. The things they spoke about. How he rejects her when she makes any advances, thinking that's what he wants. He admits that he is completely vulnerable and free for those hours because she will have his side no matter what he says.
"Do you have feelings for her?" Your voice is barely above a whisper. It's terrifying to think he might harbor feelings for her. Such intimate acts easily allow feelings to infiltrate one's being. "Aemond, look at me."
Hesitantly, Aemond meets your eyes. Your face is blank, devoid of emotion that may indicate what you now think of him.
"No, and I never will," Aemond says, swallowing the lump in his throat. He chooses his words carefully, "She was an escape, someone to listen to the tragedy that was my life. She knew what I wanted and gave it unsolicited. I know it is not real, wife, but I was foolish enough to seek more."
The emotion that surfaces in your face is not directed at him; instead, it reflects the insecurities you have about yourself. "Did you not think I could give you what she did and actually mean it?"
Insecurities of his own rise up and make themselves shown, "I thought you would see me as a weaker man."
You're both so young with so much to learn, yet if there is one thing you're certain about, it's the love you share. That love would never make you see Aemond as weak; it would transform that quality he refers to as weak into something totally different and positive.
"You are not weak but a fool," you shake your head, reaching for him. It is your turn to cup his face to force him to focus only on you. "I know of those feelings you hide firmly, Aemond. I spent most of my childhood here in King's Landing. I watched while Aegon and the Strong boys teased you. I was here when you returned from Driftmark without an eye. I heard your cries of pain. You come off as this stoic man to everyone else, the fierce Aemond, but I know the real you."
"I am ashamed." Aemond is truthful. No more lies weight his beating heart.
"Do you swear to never look for her again? That you will come to me instead?"
"I swear it by the old gods and the new. I swear it by the seven. I swear it by my life," Aemond promises. "Will you return to me, wife?" He asks hopefully, placing his hands over yours, afraid your touch will leave him.
"Yes, husband," you nod, pressing your forehead against his.
Your lips find his as the last word you speak is uttered. It's been far too long, and his dragon blood is calling for you. Aemond is quick to react, moving his lips desperately against yours and pulling you to his lap.
He comes to you late at night once there are no more council calls or responsibilities to tend to. It's around that time when he has nothing to busy himself with, and the ache in his chest makes itself known.
It's a constant reminder that he is far from invincible. Pain and hurt live within him, ready to resurface at the most unexpected times.
"Husband." You greet him with a bright smile when he steps into your chambers.
"Wife," he speaks quietly, standing uncomfortably by your door. While he's agreed to come to you in his times of need, Aemond is unsure how to approach the situation.
"What is the matter?" A pout adorns your lips as you walk over to him. It's genuine concern.
Aemond stiffens when you approach him, tilting your head to assess him. You wrap your arms around his waist, searching for his gaze.
"Aemond?" You call to him softly.
"Please," he whispers with shaking hands that he places on your hips. The expensive material of your night shift is soft against his palms.
The tone of his voice and the reserved behavior tell you what he's asking for. You nod wordlessly and grab his hand, guiding him to your bed.
This is unlike those moments when passion takes over and desperate need forces you to tug and tear his clothes away. With patience and delicate fingers, you calmly help him undress.
Unbuckling the clasps of his leather doublet, you slide it down his arms and throw it to the side. The tunic that covers his chest comes off next, exposing the strong panels of his abdomen and the ropes of muscle of his arms. All a result of his extensive training.
Featherlight touches to his skin make his breath hitch as they slide down to his breeches, where you agilely untie the laces. You don't meet his eyes as you do so, giving him some resemblance of modesty, but Aemond watches intently how you treat him with such care.
You gently push him to sit on the bed, where you kneel to take off his boots and socks. Aemond allows his breeches to fall to the ground, leaving him completely naked, except for the eyepatch he wears like armor.
It protects him from the disgusted expressions people shoot him with because of the deformity he acquired as a child.
It never stops hurting.
You've never been repulsed by his missing eye. On the contrary, you're fascinated by the scar and the sapphire embedded in the empty socket.
Reaching around his head, you unclasp the leather and place the eyepatch with the rest of his clothing. You offer him a delicate smile while placing your hand on his cheek, and he leans into it.
Your touch on his raised scar eases the pain.
Withdrawing from him, you tug in the lacing of your night shift and shrug it off your shoulders to uncover your body. You had promised to offer him the same care she did in that wretched place.
The bed is covered by pillows and blankets to protect you from the cold of the incoming winter, and you mentally thank the maids for preparing the fire before they left you to rest. You lie over the furs, extending your hand towards Aemond to welcome him in.
Aemond's timidness is present, but he pushes it to the side as he climbs onto the bed and settles across your lap. Your skin is soft and warm against his, and your soft curves, molded to accommodate his children, bring him comfort.
As you brush through his hair with your fingers, you gently untie the band holding half of his hair up. You massage the silver tresses, his scalp prickling from the release of tension. He hums quietly, enjoying the feeling of your fingers on his hair.
"What troubles you, my Prince?" You finally ask.
Aemond's head rests on your shoulder, his breath hitting your collarbones. One of your hands rests upon his back, drawing figures across the expanse of it, feeling every bump and curve of his spine and muscles. The other grasps his hand, pulling it to your lips to press a reassuring kiss to the palm of it.
"That title. Prince." He murmurs sadly, taking a deep breath.
That familiar scent of oils invades his senses. It's a smell he remembers from his childhood when Alicent still cared for him. In turn, his body relaxes, and he closes his eyes momentarily.
"It is a stepping stone in the hierarchy," you reply, recognizing what he implies. Aegon does not have what it takes to rule a kingdom, while Aemond years to sit on the throne.
Aemond reaches up to grasp at a strand of copper hair. The same shade as his mothers. He twists it around his finger while shifting to make himself more comfortable. "I thought all of my achievements would be more fruitful," he ponders.
It seems that ruling a kingdom falls on the eldest male heir, even if they are not fit to rule. Aegon sits on the throne, yet the rest of the council rules on his behalf. This puts the Targaryen name to shame; the fool barely speaks High Valyrian.
"Patience is key. Aegon shows no signs of changing. He will be his own downfall," you respond thoughtfully. You hate thinking about Aegon in such a way, but it's the truth. He wants to prove himself so badly but goes about it all the wrong way.
Copper hair leads to naked skin the same shade as his mother's, and for once, he can imagine himself in his mother's embrace. It brings tears to his eyes as he curls further into you, and his nose brushes against your skin.
With the pillows propping you up and Aemond curled on your lap, you press a kiss to the crown of his head. Your touch runs all over his skin, from his face to his feet.
Aemond continues to speak his mind, and you offer the perfect responses to his dilemmas, calming him when his emotions get the best of him and tears spill from his eyes.
He should've come to you sooner. You're a high-born lady who knows much more about life in court. There were always warning signs with Sylvi. She tried to manipulate him into thinking about the common folk and their ailments more than once. She would never understand that while House Targaryen is at war, there is no space to think about the well-being of its subordinates.
When silence ensues, Aemond allows himself to look up at you. You're serene as you hold him close to your body without an ounce of impatience. The resemblance to his mother is there, but he got something much better.
He got a woman who loves him unconditionally, flaws and all.
Lacing his fingers with yours, Aemond closes his eyes and melts further into your touch. You hug him close and whisper your affections. This is how it was always meant to be.
That night, Aemond sleeps in your chambers. It would be wrong for him to leave after you've treated him with such tenderness. You are no simple whore from the street of silk. You are his wife, and as such, you are meant to be treated with utmost respect. Something he had failed to do but no more.
Breathy whines, wake him before the sun rises. Recognizing your voice, he wakes, looking at his surroundings for any danger. When you whine once more, he glances over at you.
You squirm in your sleep, seemingly uncomfortable. Something bothers you, but your exhaustion prevents you from waking. One of your hands reaches for your chest, and another whine spills from your lips.
Aemond's eye is drawn to the action. He reaches for the sheet covering your body and pulls on it to find the cause of your discomfort. His breath hitches, and his cock aches.
Your breasts are swollen and tender from being filled to their capacity, causing beads of milk to leak from the stiff peaks of your nipples.
Aemond briefly remembers you mentioning how Baelor has been fuzzy lately, and Rhaegar is getting older and doesn't seek you as often for food, yet you continue to produce copious amounts of milk. He has been blessed with a perfect wife and an excellent mother who produces enough sustenance for his children.
Aemond's pointer finger traces a path down your neck to your left breast. They are calling to him as his finger follows the curve of your breast up to your puffy areola and tip of your nipple. A slight press to the taught skin prompts more fluid to leak down your sides, and you hiss in discomfort.
Bringing his finger up to his lips, he licks the whitish liquid. Perhaps it's a mistake, as he's left wanting more. Aemond uncovers the top half of your naked body and leans over your chest. With one look towards your beautiful face, he wraps his lips around the plush flesh of your breast.A surge of liquid fills his mouth.
You have the sweetest milk he has ever had the pleasure of tasting. Aemond moans at the saccharine taste. It is so much better than the farce he had in the brothel. This milk comes from his wife, who nurtures his healthy sons.
A loud, sultry moan spills from your lips as some of the pressure is alleviated. You're now between sleep and awareness. Your hand cradling the back of Aemond's head.
Aemond's cock is painfully hard as it presses against your thigh. He's been driven into a frenzy, your milk serving as an aphrodisiac. His hand brushes against your inner thigh to answer a rising question.
Careful fingers find your wet slit, proving his theory right. He's not the only depraved person in the room. Your body is responsive to him even in altered states of consciousness.
Your cunt is absolutely drenched, making it so easy for Aemond to push a finger in. It's enough to fully wake you from your slumber. "Ah, Aemond." You throw your head back in pleasure.
It takes you a second to take in the entirety of Aemond's actions. The pleasure coursing through you, overwhelming your senses. A loud moan tears through your throat at the realization that Aemond is not simply teasing your breasts. Aemond feasts on your aching tits.
"Have your fill, my prince," you beg as that ache in your chest is pleasingly soothed.
Aemond is eager and rough. The light stubble of his jaw sends a current of electricity down to your cunt where you clench around his fingers.
"My Aemond, good boy." He responds to the praise why sliding another finger into your tight cunny. The slick sound of your arousal accompanies the suckling of his lips.
You squeeze your other breast to alleviate the tightening discomfort and drops fall on your hand. Drawn to it, Aemond switches, and you squeal as his teeth scrape the sensitive skin of your nipple.
Aemond ruts into your thigh as he quickens the pace of his fingers intruding on your cunny to part through your walls. The vibration of his quiet moans stimulates your swollen peaks.
If this is not heaven, he doesn't wish for it.
Your fingers tangle in his silver hair when you arch your back to offer yourself to him. His eye meets your hooded gaze and sets himself to give you whatever you please. His thumb circles your pearl expertly, and he curls his digits to hit your spot more firmly.
You cry in pleasure with your hips, riding his fingers until you come with a shudder and his name on your lips. Your walls clamp down on his fingers hard enough it is hard for him to retrieve them.
Aemond rises from your chest and pinches your cheeks with his fingers that remain coated with your slick, prompting your mouth to open. A stream of your milk falls from his mouth to yours as he gives you a sweet taste.
You believe another orgasm rips through your body as his lips press against yours to share a sweet tasting kiss. His tongue invades your mouth, allowing you the pleasure of tasting yourself on his tongue.
"Please," you beg for him, spreading your legs wantonly.
One to indulge his wife in all pleasures, Aemond pulls you on top of him, "Take what you desire."
His cock is fully erect and begging for attention. The tip is swollen and flushed a deep pink as it leaks pre that beads down his shaft.
Aemond acknowledges you've reached your limit when his beautiful wife, who adores worshipping his cock on her knees, grabs his length and sinks onto him without a preamble.
"Go on, my love, you can take it," Aemond hisses as you try to lower yourself to take all of him. His hands grip your hips tightly, urging you on. He swears your walls continue to contract from your previous peak.
"Aemond, husband," you moan lewdly. Your hips tentatively begin bouncing on him, and your tits follow to Aemond's delight.
He's mesmerized by them and how they continue to leak. Aemond mouths one more aggressively, teasing your nipple with his tongue, nipping at the surrounding flesh to leave his mark. His hand massages the other, allowing droplets to fall down your abdomen and onto your cunt.
"My perfect wife, such a good mother," Aemond mutters, praising you, "Pretty tits always full and her cunny always wet."
You hold onto Aemond's strong shoulders, your nails leaving marks across his back. Your hips grind on him deliciously as your clit rubs against his pelvis.
"Aemond, please," you beg, quickening your pace. You're on the verge of yet another delicious peak. "I want another." You'll have as many as he wants as long as he treats you with this much attention.
Aemond kisses up your neck and growls in your ear, "I shall give you as many as you'd like."
Swiftly, he turns you so your back is to the bed. He hikes your thighs up around his waist and snaps his hips fiercely. You first the bedsheets around you as Aemond holds bruisingly against your hips and thighs.
He's close to his own peak as well. Aemond manages to hold back because of all the attention he's giving your tits, but his cock cannot take anymore, especially with how deliciously your walls wrap around him.
Aemond admires his perfect wife. Your hair fans out on the pillows, and your facial expression morphs into one of pure ecstasy as you come once more. Your breasts are less swollen, but your stiff peaks remain puffy and flushed from his attention. Your cunt chokes his cock, knowing exactly what it takes to please him.
His rhythmic thrusting begins to falter, so with a couple more jerks of his hips and a groan, he paints your insides white. "There we go, all for you."
"Thank you," you lilt, biting your lip at the sensation of being filled.
You giggle when he leans down to kiss all over your face, a laugh of his own reaching your ears.
The door creaking open wakes you up, bringing the sheets to your chest, you sit up. Aemond lets the bedsheet fall to his lap, ready to scold whoever dares interrupt his time with his wife.
A small blonde head peaks in, and a big grin unleashes on its lips when he sees his parents. Young Rhaegar toddles into the room, and his head is barely seen as he stands on the edge of the bed. His tiny hands try to grasp the edge, but he's still too small to get himself up.
Aemond reaches over to bring him up, pressing a kiss on his head, but Rhaegar happily crawls over Aemond and falls into your waiting arms.
Aemond's exposed sapphire earns no reaction. In fact, the eyepatch tends to catch his son's attention more. Aemond ensured that when his sons came into this world, he would greet them as he truly is.
You pepper kisses all over Rhaegar's face, and he giggles, squirming on your lap. While Baelor favored his father, Rhaegar was entirely yours. "What are you doing here, little dragon?" You ask him sweetly.
The nursemaid stepping through the open door answers your question, "Prince Aemond, Lady Hightower. My apologies, he scurried away before I could-"
"It is alright. You may leave us," Aemond says, waving his hand to dismiss her. The young girl bows her head, hiding her blushing cheeks, and scurries away without saying another word, aware of the compromising position of the Prince and his wife.
"My sweetest, why are you up so early?" You coo, threading your fingers through his messy hair that sticks up in all directions.
Rhaegar hides his face on your chest, mumbling, "Missed you."
You gasp dramatically, facing the young boy with a surprised expression. "You missed me? I missed you!" Your son laughs and presses a wet kiss to your cheek.
"What about me, little dragon?" Aemond asks, tickling his belly.
Rhaegar cutely shakes his head with a mischievous smile, squealing loudly when Aemond reaches for him and takes him into his own arms to tickle him.
"Mama!" Rhaegar's childlike laugh pierces the air as he asks for your help.
"You're going to get me in trouble," Aemond grumbles, playfully glaring at his son as he continues to tickle him.
"Mama!" Rhaegar repeats, pushing Aemond's hands away and waiting for you to scold Aemond or something.
You watch the interaction with a wide smile. It's nice to see Aemond this calm. "Give me back, my little dragon, or there are no more kisses for you," you threaten Aemond with a furrow of your eyebrows and a pout. Aemond abruptly stops and loosens his hold on the toddler.
Rhaegar laughs and throws himself in your arms, hugging your neck. His giggles never cease. Aemond winks at you and pulls you to lie on his chest.
"How about we go see Vhagar later?" Aemond asks Rhaegar who calmed down to a drowsy state. It's still very early for him to have been up. He must've had a bad dream.
"Sunfyre?" Rhaegar gasps, looking up at his father. Aemond rolls his eyes and nods. He guesses he can invite Aegon so his son can see the golden dragon.
"That's your favorite, isn't it?" You ask him amusedly, although you agree. Sunfyre is a beautiful dragon and much friendlier than Vhagar.
Rhaegar nods enthusiastically as he babbles about the pretty dragon. You lay with your back to Aemond's chest as he envelops you both with his arms.
At that moment, Aemond realizes he feels fulfilled with his little family by his side.
it was not part of the plan to let this oneshot be this long. there is something about the complexity of aemond's character that doesn't let me write something brief.
nonetheless this was a super fun oneshot to write. it took me the whole week because i was so busy but i had been thinking about it nonstop. i think i overdid it with the lactation part but oh well!
if you enjoyed this oneshot please donât forget to like or comment (i accept aemond's sapphire, rhaenyra's crown, criston cole slander, emojis, words of encouragement, a lot of praise, virtual hugs and gushing about sunfyre and aegon) and if you want more of it feel free to let me know!
-nikki đ€
#fanfiction#hotd fanfiction#hotd fanfic#hotd spoilers#hotd aemond#hotd one shot#house of the dragon fanfiction#house of the dragon season 2#house of the dragon#aemond targaryen#aemond x reader#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond one eye#aemond fanfiction#prince aemond#aemond smut#aemond x you#aemond fic#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x female reader#aemond tagaryen
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Where Will All The Martyrs Go [Chapter 5: Heads Or Tails, Fairy Tales In My Mind]
Series summary: In the midst of the zombie apocalypse, both you and Aemond (and your respective travel companions) find yourselves headed for the West Coast. Itâs the 2024 version of the Oregon Trail, but with less dysentery and more undead antagonists. Watch out for snakes! đđ
Series warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), violence, bodily injury, med school Aemond, character deaths, nature, drinking, smoking, drugs, Adventures With Aegonâąïž, pregnancy and childbirth, the U.S. Navy, road trip vibes, RIP Jace.
Series title is a lyric from:Â âLetterbombâ by Green Day.
Chapter title is a lyric from:Â âAre We The Waitingâ by Green Day.
Word count:Â 5.8k
đ All my writing can be found HERE! đ
Let me know if youâd like to be added to the taglist đ„°
âI know he has a scalpel in his bag,â Baela says, meaning Aemond. You are sitting with her on the front steps of a two-story houseâ1970s construction, split foyer, pale blue siding and rust-red bricksâon Trux Street in Plymouth, Ohio. This town was named for the place where the pilgrims stepped off the Mayflower over four hundred years ago, pioneers who crossed through the doorway of an unfathomably changing world to die of disease, cold, accidents, starvation, violence. You wonder if you are so unlike them. âHeâs assisted with c-sections before, if it comes to that. And he has needles and surgical thread. But he doesnât have any way to anesthetize me.â
Luke and Rhaena are on the roof of the silver Chrysler Pacifica parked at the end of the driveway and surveilling the road. Everyone else is inside tearing the house apart as they try to find the keys. You donât know what to say to Baela. There is no way to console her except by lying, and sheâs too smart for that. âHow far along are you?â
âI donât even know.â She laughs like sheâs on the verge of losing her mind. You donât blame her. âThe doctors calculate it based on the date of your last period, but mine was all over the place. I had tried a few different birth control pills and had all these side effects, weird spotting and cramping, no sex drive, feeling depressed, so I just figured Iâd go all natural for six months and give my body a chance to reset. And we all know how that turned out.â She skims her palms over the globe of her belly, hidden beneath the flowing periwinkle cotton of a maternity dress she found at the Walmart back in Shenandoah. âIâm officially due in four weeks.â
âBut it could happen at any time.â
Baela nods miserably. âMy mum had me and Rhaena theâŠyou knowâŠthe natural way, and it was smooth sailing. But she needed an emergency c-section with my little brother. What happens if thatâs how it goes for me? Do you ever think about all the ways people can die now? Itâs not just the zombies. I could get murdered, or fall and crack my skull open, or get a cut that turns septic, or rupture my appendix, or get frostbite or heatstroke, or get bitten by a snake. It never ends. Weâll be balancing on the knifeâs edge for the rest of our lives.â
You wish you were better with words; you wish you were someone who spoke effortlessly like Rio or Aegon. You reply with the only thing you can think of. âHumans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years, and for the vast majority of that time with no modern medicine. It was dangerous, and it was painful. But there have always been people who made it. We wouldnât exist otherwise.â
Remarkably, this seems to help. âI know Aemond will do everything he can for me,â Baela says, more steadily now. âHeâs always been the most dependable one. So serious, so protective. Daeron was visiting us in Boston when everything shut down, and Aemond wouldnât let the kid out of his sight for weeksâŠthen Aemond almost died when he lost his eye and Daeron proved he could take care of himself with his compound bow.â Baela unwraps a Twizzler and takes a bite out of it, gazing vacantly at the sky, calm and overcast now that the storm has passed, breezy, mid-80s. She doesnât even like them, but sheâs been eating through a pack of Twizzlers Luke had been carrying in his backpack for Jace, slow mindless chewing like a cowâs. âAemond feels responsible for you now. And thatâs difficult when thereâs so little control he actually has over what ends up happening.â
âBaelaâŠIâm so sorry about Jace.â
âDrowning isnât so bad, I guess. I hope he drowned. I hope he was dead before he washed ashore and they ate him.â Baela turns to you, eyes glazed. âDo you think we should have shot him before we left the river? To make sure he didnât die in pain? You could have done it if you wanted to. Your aim is good enough.â
âNo,â you say, horrified but trying to soften it. âI think that would have beenâŠimmoral.â
âI donât even have a picture of Jace to show the baby, everything was online or on my phone, and now thatâs allâŠgone. Just gone. Like he never even existed. How am I going to explain to my child what Boston was, or law school, or aerospace engineering, or grocery stores or shopping malls or Instagram, or anything else about our lives before this whole fucking disaster? All theyâll ever know is running from monsters, scrounging for shelter and supplies from the ruins of civilization.â
âThe world is going to come back, Baela. Maybe not for five or ten years, and maybe looking a lot different than it did before, but humanity will recover. The Black Death wasnât the end, and neither were the World Wars or the Mongol invasions or the colonization of the Americas, or famines or floods or volcanic eruptions. The zombies wonât end us either.â
âDo you really believe that?â
I want to. âYeah, I do. We just have to hold on until the tide turns. We canât give up.â
âIn that case, Iâll try not to go completely insane in the immediate future. Thank God Rhaena and Luke are still here. Do you have any siblings?â
You smile vaguely. âFour.â
âWow,â Baela says. âDo you know where they are now?â
There is an interruption before you have to decide how to answer: a roaring high above in the sky, a remote mechanical growling. You and Baela both look up to see a jet zooming by, just below the steel grey cloud cover and leaving a trail of condensation behind it like a cometâs tail of eons-old cosmic dust. From where he is perched atop the Pacifica, Luke is pointing at the jet to show Rhaena. Aemond, Rio, Aegon, and Daeron come rocketing out of the house to find the source of the noise. After a moment, Helaena moseys onto the front porch as well, tucking flashlights and napkins into her burlap messenger bag. Meanwhile, Aegon is filling his pockets with packs of Marlboro Golds and orange prescription bottles labelled Percocet.
âIs that an airplane?!â Aegon gasps. âPeople are flying again?! Oh, we are back, baby! We are so back! Iâm catching the next flight to SFO, peace out bitches, no more Oregon Trail for me!â
âItâs a jet,â Aemond says flatly. âNot a passenger carrier. Probably military.â
âDoesnât look like one of ours.â Rio turns to you for confirmation.
âNo, I donât recognize it.â
âThen who the fuck is up there?â Aegon says. âCanada? The U.K.?â
Rio sighs, ruffling Aegonâs already quite disheveled blonde hair. âWho knows, Honey Bun. Maybe itâs China or Russia swinging by to drop nukes on any survivors.â
âFortunately, nobodyâs going to waste a nuclear bomb on freaking Plymouth, Ohio,â Baela says, watching the jet vanish into the west, the droning of its engines replaced by the breeze through the sugar maples and sycamores, the screeching of cicadas and chirps of robins. âNo luck finding the keys?â
Aemond frowns as he shakes his head, tapping his chin anxiously. He knows she canât walk much farther.
âHow do none of us know how to hotwire a car?â Aegon demands, exasperated.
Rio replies cheerfully: âWell, Chips and I have been diligently serving this glorious nation since we were eighteen years old, and youâre all clueless rich kids. SoâŠI think that just about sums it up.â
âI need more arrows,â Daeron says, clutching his compound bow. All the ones he had are now speared through zombies along the river where Jace died. When you snuck away from the farm at dawn, Luke used his binoculars to check the shores; they were still swamped with zombies, even more than the night before. They are pack animals; alone, they are aimless and easily confounded, their memories calamitously short. As part of a groupâif they were crows theyâd be a murder, if they were camels theyâd be a caravanâzombies attract and guide each other, moving symbiotically like planets and moons locked in orbit.
âI think youâre going to have to start making them the old fashioned way, kid,â Rio tells Daeron, accompanied by a rough pat of encouragement on the back.
âWhat, like with sticks?!â
âYeah. Use a knife to carve one end to make it pointy and youâre good to go.â
âLove it. Very pioneer.â Aegon holds up a Sony Walkman, pink and covered with Disney stickers, Ava spelled out across the top in glittering rhinestones. âAt least I found this. Helaena, do we have any more AA batteries?â She fishes around in her bag and hands him a pair.
Baela gapes at him, but sheâs smiling. Itâs horrible, itâs absurd, itâs something you canât help but find a macabre humor in. âAegon, you cannot use that poor eaten kidâs CD player. You know itâs haunted.â
Aegon sings like a jingle from a commercial: âLittle Ava died, RIP. Now I get to listen to my CDs.â
âOh, that is so fucked up!â Rio cackles.
You say, grinning: âAegon, Iâm really going to miss you when weâre all in heaven at the bowling alley made of clouds and youâre downstairs in the fiery version of the afterlife.â
âDonât feel bad for me, Chipmunk. Youâre the one whoâs going to die without ever having an orgasm.â
âYou donât need a man for that, Aegon,â Baela says.
âYou definitely donât,â you agree. Aemond glances over at you, intrigued. You stare dauntlessly back. What? You said you werenât interested. The corners of his lips curl up in a reticent smile; he looks down to try to hide it. Heâs touching his chin again. His cheeks flush pink as his mind wanders.
Rio chuckles. âOh yeah, I remember your little experimenting phase. Lots of trips to the Spencerâs in the Tysons Corner mall when we were stationed at Anacostia.â
You raise your eyebrows, though youâre not annoyed. âI thought you were never going to tell anybody about that.â
âItâs the end of the world, baby. No time to be shy.â Then Rio asks Aemond: âSince weâre here and itâs quiet, you want to go ahead and check every house that has a car with the fuel cap still closed? There are some minivans and SUVs down at the other end of the street. Even a few gallons of gas will take us farther than days on foot.â
Aegon adds, checking his map: âA half tank would get us all the way to Decatur, Indiana.â
âYeah, letâs do it,â Aemond says. He offers Baela a hand and helps lift her to her feet. âYou guys go ahead, Iâll meet you down at the driveway with the blackâŠwhat is that, a Honda Odyssey? You know the one, the van in front of the yellow house. Donât go inside until I get there.â
âYup!â Aegon agrees as he speeds off, racing Daeron to the house. Rioânot one for sprintingâjogs after them with his Remington in hand, ready to bash rotting skulls in at a momentâs notice. Baela toddles down to the Pacifica to tell Luke and Rhaena the plan, her periwinkle dress billowing in the wind; then they climb down to walk with her. Helaena floats across the sidewalk like a ghost, pausing to pick buttercups that grow up between the cracks in the cement.
Aemond has been waiting until the two of you are alone. âCan I ask you something?â
âYeah, sure.â A few houses down, a female zombieâearly-twenties, white bikini top, red Ohio State shortsâstaggers across the yard and in her attempt to snag Aegon falls and impales herself on the white picket fence. She is suspended there, clawing and yowling, her blackening intestines and dark clotted blood staining the wood. Aegon takes his time getting into a stance and swings his golf club like heâs at a driving range. He hits her dead-on, caves the front of her face in, takes a few more shots just to be sure.
âI get whatâs in Oregon for Rio,â Aemond says. âSophie, the baby, his parents. But why are you going there?â
âRioâs my best friend. He might be my only friend whoâs still alive. And when we left Saratoga Springs, he made me promise that I wouldnât let him die alone. So before anything else, I have to make sure he gets to Odessa and finds his family. And then I can figure out whatâs next for me. But if it really is safe there, I donât see why Iâd leave. Iâve never wanted to be on my own. Maybe I can end up having a family in Oregon too.â
Aemond rests his elbows on the porch railing. Heâs teasing you. âWeâre friends, arenât we? Iâm still alive.â
You tease him back. He deserves it. âIâm not sure about you and me.â
âIâd like for us to be friends.â
âWould you?â
âResoundingly.â
âMaybe Iâll give it a try.â
He considers you. âYou know, Kentucky might have been a good place for you to hide out. And it would be a lot closer than Oregon.â
You stand up, throwing on your backpack full of bullets for your Beretta M9s, beef jerky and peanut butter crackers and granola bars, lip balm, bottles of water, Kleenex tissues, Juicy Fruit, miscellaneous treasures from the road, practically worthless trinkets made so impossibly valuable. âWeâre done here, right?â
Aemond is disappointed, though not with you. He has committed an error he cannot understand. âYeah, weâre done.â He walks with you to the yellow house, your sneakers pounding in tandem on the sidewalk, squirrels and rabbits darting through the overgrown lawns, eastern tiger swallowtails swooping between blossoms.
Aegon says when you and Aemond arrive in the driveway, nodding to the once-attractive blonde zombie pawing and licking at the glass of the living room window: âWho wants to take care of Ryan Seacrest?â
âGot it,â Rio replies immediately. He kicks down the front door, macerates the zombieâs skull with the butt of his Remington, then sweeps through the kitchen and dining room searching for any other monsters in need of hasty euthanasia. He doesnât find any. He drags the corpse outside to lessen the stench of decomposition and opens all the downstairs windows.
âCommence Operation Find The Minivan Keys,â Aegon says as he rummages through drawers and cabinets. Helaena joins him, seeking so delicately she is almost soundless, her large blue eyes flicking from place to place. Luke, Rhaena, and Daeron stay outside to keep watch. Baela collapses into a recliner in one corner of the living room and is dozing within seconds.
âIâll clear the upstairs,â Aemond volunteers, then asks you: âWatch my blind side?â
You canât help but smile; it is a generous invitation. It is an honor. You shadow him up the staircase of olive green carpet, through the hallway, into each of the three bedrooms and one full bath. When you are certain it is safeâexploring the back of every closet, under every bedâyou and Aemond begin searching for weapons and car keys. The main bedroom is like a forest: blankets pattered with trees and deer, wood furniture, paintings of the Battle of the Wilderness during the Civil War. You investigate every drawer of the nightstand and dresser, then go to leave.
âWait.â Aemond peeks out into the hallway to make sure no one else is around, then closes the bedroom door. Your eyes track him quizzically, shy skittish optimism, your head tilted, your fingers finding the dresser behind you, cool rust-hued oak, a color like dried blood. You slip off your backpack. Then Aemond comes to you like a returning cometâonce in a lifetime, once in an eonâand holds your face in his hands as he kisses you, soft, careful, unhurried, then turning famished, sweltering incurable hunger. You lift yourself up onto the dresser; your thighs have parted, and Aemond is between them, still fully clothed and leaving yours in place too, so innocent, so spotless, and yet in your mind you are imagining what it would feel like to lie beneath him as he opens and fills you, to be so irredeemably close to another person, to watch and listen as he teaches you what to do.
Right here? Right now?
It suddenly strikes you as too soon; you want this but you arenât ready. Your heart races, you canât catch your breath. âI am obligated to make you aware that according to your own calculations, I am likely dangerously fertile at the moment.â
Aemond grins as he bites playfully at your lower lip. âRelax. Weâre not rounding all the bases this time.â
His voice evaporates your panic, lulls your rushing blood. Your muscles turn to seamless rippling water. Your bones crave the weight of his. âYeah, totally, good, thatâs good. Just making sure.â
âI want to touch you. Can I touch you?â
In reply, you unbutton your denim shorts and pull down the zipper, slowly, very slowly, your gaze linked with his like torn flesh stitched together. Heâs close enough to kiss you again, but he doesnât; he takes your chin gently and turns your face to the side, admiring the curve of your jaw. Then his lips are on your throat and his right hand is skimming down the front of your shirt, over your belly, under your shorts. You gaspâthe foreignness of anotherâs hand here, the disorienting vulnerabilityâand Aemond stops.
âNo, Iâm okay,â you assure him, smiling. You kiss him deeply, your fingertips tracing his scar, the work of his careful, gifted hands. Aemond does not flinch away. He presses his face into your palm, offering himself fully, taking shelter in you. And everything other than himâthis house, this world, this age, this westward journey, this apocalypseâgoes quiet, quiet, quiet, like when you are shooting, like when you are hammering nails under the sun. Aemond makes everything horrifying disappear. It is the greatest sort of magic you can imagine.
âSo,â he says. âWhat did you buy at Spencerâs?â
âGreen Day t-shirts.â
âSure.â
âAnd some, uh, battery-powered companionship.â
âHm.â Aemondâs fingers are moving against you; it is increasingly difficult to respond to his questions. âInternal or external? Or both?â
âOh, definitelyâŠumâŠI stayed on the outside, mostly. I triedâŠoh wow, okayâŠinside a few times, but I didnât get much out of it. It was mostly just uncomfortable.â
âNo problem. Weâll work up to that.â
âWill we?â You hope you donât sound too desperate. The warm coiling pleasure is swelling, strengthening, begging to be released, loosed like an arrow or fired like a bullet. Aemondâs fingers slip through your wetness, circling and pressing down harder, insistently, masterfully. It feels different than using toys: it is more gradual, less sharp, helplessly overpowering.
âThatâs my plan. If youâll allow it.â
You exhale a threadbare ghost of a whimper against his throat and then reach for his shorts, fumbling blindly for the button and zipper.
âNo, donât do anything,â Aemond murmurs, soft and pleading, almost like a prayer. âLet me take care of you. Please let me feel like Iâm doing something right.â
âYouâre doing a lot right at the moment.â Youâre close now, your breaths quick and panting. You throw your arms around the back of Aemondâs neck and fold into him, feeling the thudding pulse of his carotid artery beneath your fingertips, the softness of his lips and unscarred cheek as he nuzzles the side of your face. Itâs so quiet, but thereâs no need to fill the silence, no words, no uneasiness. Youâve always wondered what you would have to do to please a man, what premeditated motions and praises you would offer him, niceties, perhaps even lies. But this is effortless. The shimmering golden glow like sunlight is here, and he is the one drawing it out of you, water from a well, blood from a tapped vein. The only sound you make is a shuddering inhale, but Aemond knows immediately. He closes his eyes, relieved, proud, beaming, resting his forehead against yours.
He asks: âCan I tryâŠ?â
âYes, do it, please, I want you to.â
Aemondâs hand shifts between your thighs, moves lower, and there is a sudden jolt of pain like a pinch, like a bite. You wince before you can think to disguise it. Immediately, Aemond retreats, kissing your lips and your cheeks. âItâs okay, itâs okay. You were incredible.â
You reach for his shorts again and unbutton them. âShow me what to do.â
âYou donât have toââ
âI know I donât have to. I want to.â
He takes a shaky breath, drags his tongue over the fingers he touched you with, moans so quietly you can barely hear him. He frees himself from his clothes: long and thick, harder than you believed flesh could be. Aemond grasps your hand and places it, demonstrates how to move and how much pressure to apply. Then his own hands drop to grip the edge of the dresser as you stroke him. You nip at his throat, his jaw, the shell of his ear; you coax euphoric sighs from him, feel a high in your bloodstream like something illicit and lethal.
âIâll be honest,â you say. âI have no idea how thatâs ever going to fit inside me.â
Aemond chuckles, distracted. âWomen stretch, just like men do. It might take time, but it will happen. And Iâll make sure itâs as good as it can be.â
âI want it to be you, Aemond,â you whisper, and you can feel him throbbing in your hand. âYou and no one else. Teach me how to do everything.â Make the world go away.
He gasps as he finishes, a thunderous trembling all over, a gush of white heat that flows over your hand. Curious, you lift it to your mouth. âDonâtâ!â
But heâs too late; you lick him from your palm and then recoil at the taste, pungent, bitter, salty.
Aemond laughs hysterically, kissing your mouth and then your forehead. âOh God, Iâm sorry, I should have warned you.â
âI hope I taste better than that.â
âYou definitely do.â
You peer up at him, dazed, dreamy. âI really like you, Aemond.â
âYou canât fall in love with me.â It is a taunt; it is a warning.
âIf I do, I wonât let you know,â you promise. âYouâre on first watch tonight, arenât you?â
âI am.â
âThen Iâll stay up too.â
âRio already volunteered to do it.â
âReally, I donât mind.â
âNo,â Aemond purrs, brushing your hair back from your face, marveling at you. âI canât have you sleep deprived. Youâre our best shot.â
âI can handle it.â
âYou want to be honest with each other, you want to communicate? I like knowing youâre rested. I like knowing youâre safe.â
The door flies open with a bang; Aegon stands in the threshold. âWeâve got three-quarters of a tank of gas!â he announces ecstatically, jangling car keys in the air. Then he registers what heâs looking at. âCome outside when youâre done fucking.â Aegon slams the door shut; you hear his Sperry Bahama sneakers drumming on the staircase.
âI guess we should go,â you say reluctantly, untangling yourself from Aemond and sliding down from the dresser.
âWait.â He gets a water bottle out of your backpack, soaks a handful of Kleenex tissues, and gives them to you to clean yourself off. When youâre done, he wipes himself down too. âMake sure you always take a piss after anyâŠactivities. We donât have antibiotics if you get a kidney infection.â
âI know, doctor. Iâve read Reddit threads.â
âNot a doctor. Just a lowly intern.â
âYou seem like an anatomy expert to me,â you say, then head downstairs.
The black Honda Odyssey is idling as the last of the supplies are loaded, the windows down, Baela adjusting the driverâs seat so she can accommodate her belly. Everyone piles inside and she steers the minivan out of the driveway and onto Trux Street. Aegon pops one of his mixtapes into the CD player. The song that pipes through the speakers is Prayer In C:
âYeah, you never said a word
You didnât send me no letter
Donât think I could forgive youâŠâ
âSo,â Baela says casually, grinning at you in the rearview mirror. âHow was the sex?â
âStop,â Aemond begs, his face going red, smiling involuntarily.
You say placidly: âI appreciate your interest, but thatâs not what we were doing.â
Rio turns to Aegon. âDo you know what sex looks like or not, dumbass?â
âThey were doing something, okay! Those were not virginal activities!â
âSee, our world is slowly dying
Iâm not wasting no more time
Donât think I could believe youâŠâ
You rest your head on Aemondâs shoulder and watch the abandoned houses pass by in a blur.
~~~~~~~~~~
The Odyssey arrives in Decatur, Indiana just a few hours before sunset, gas to spare and plenty of time to find a safe place to spend the night. You break into a house on the outskirts of the west side of the city: a rancher with a screened-in porch, beach dĂ©cor, bowls of seashells on tables and spray-painted aluminum dolphins on the wall. Baela plummets into sleep immediately, sharing the largest bed with Rhaena and Luke. Helaena writes in her spider notebook for a while before curling up on the living room couch, Daeron sprawled on the floor beside her with a couch cushion for a pillow. Aegon is in what was once a childâs bedroom; you have the bedroom of a teenage girl, perhaps spirited away to friends or relatives in some other part of the country, perhaps dead, perhaps lurching around out in the night somewhere, mad and murderous. Everything is purple, the walls, the blankets, the stuffed animals that form a mountain on the other half of the bed.
You are exhausted, but you canât sleep. Your thoughts wonât stop racing, stop craving. Aemond and Rio are in rocking chairs out on the porch, keeping watch and working their way through the case of Sunny D they found in the kitchen pantry. You go out to join them, then stop at the screen door that separates the linoleum-floored dining room from the porch. They are discussing you. You sit, legs crossed, listening in the dim silvery light, stars and moon and nothing else.
Aemond is saying: âShe doesnât talk much about where she came from.â
Rio chuckles, a low baritone rumble. âShe doesnât talk much in general. But yeah, donât expect any juicy revelations. Thatâs not how she does things.â
âDo you know what her life was like before?â
âI know some of it. I donât know a lot.â Rio pauses; you can envision him shrugging and running his fingers through his dark curly hair, weighing what you would be okay with him sharing. âI know that when I met her, her mother was calling all the time telling her to send money home. And sheâd do it, because she felt like she didnât have a choice. Then she never had cash for drinks or anything, I was always paying her way, and one day I was finally like âChips, how much do you actually have in your account right now?â because I figured she must be down real low. Jesus Christ, I couldnât believe it when she showed me the balance, she had like three bucks left until her next paycheck, and of course then her mother would be calling again. She sent tens of thousands of dollars home that disappeared, poof, gone, without a trace.â
Aemond sounds stunned. âWhat did they spend it on?â
âWho the fuck knows with those people. Lottery tickets and cigs, probably. Trips to Virginia Beach. Benny Hinn Bibles. And when she tried to hit the brakes, her mother and siblings got nasty, calling constantly and telling her how awful she was and that they were going to starve. I convinced her to stop picking up the phone, but it took forever. I think she knew by then she was going to have to cut them off if she didnât want to end up back there, but she needed somebody to give her permission. That was my job. As far as I know, she hasnât spoken to anyone from home in years. Hell, Sophie was her AOP.â
âAOPâŠ?â
âOh, sorry, Arrears of Pay. Itâs the person you designate to get all your benefits if you die in the service. I guess she figured that if our base got bombed or our plane went down or something, at least it would end up with my family.â
Aemond is quiet, thirty seconds, a minute, maybe two. âObviously my circumstances were a lot different. But I understand having to choose between other peopleâs expectations and yourself.â
âWhy are you asking me all this?â
Another pause; silent thoughts under glimmering stars and the shrieks of short-lived summer cicadas. âShe takes me out of this world for a while. She makes the guilt and the fear go quiet. I want to know everything about her.â
When Rio speaks, he is gentle, compassionate. âThe hard truth is, the details arenât my business. They arenât yours either. When people enlist, theyâre starting over. Itâs a Get Out Of Jail Free card. It gets them away from home, but it also gets them away from whoever they were before.â
âShe said something like that once. Back at Fort Indiantown Gap.â
âItâs a polite way of telling you to shut up.â You know from his voice that Rio is smiling. âIf she wants to forget her old life, you have to let her. If you care about her, youâll want her to be able to move on.â
âI care.â
âShe likes you,â Rio says. âBut you could still fuck it up. Sheâs good at finding reasons not to trust people.â
âItâs a bad way to live.â
âYeah?â
âYeah. I know. Iâm the same way.â
There is quiet now, only the sounds of Sunny D being slurped and cicadas screaming through the darkness. You have intruded enough. You stand and walk back down the hallway, then remember something Aegon said outside a Burger King in Pennsylvania. You go to his bedroom, illuminated by a flashlight pointed towards the ceiling, casting long deformed shadows.
Aegon is lying on his back with his head hanging upside down over the side of the bedâdinosaur blankets, bright red and blue pillowsâpuffing on a cigarette and listening to his new CD player, previously Avaâs, with both earbuds in. Then he spots you. Still upside down, Aegon hits the pause button on his CD player and says: âHey, Microchip.â
âWhat did you mean about people pretending to love you?â
He smirks, shrugs, takes a lazy drag off his Marlboro Gold. âEvery friend Iâve ever had has used me for money, mansions, yachts. Every girl Iâve ever fucked has wanted something in return. Mother prefers Daeron, Grandfather prefers Helaena, Criston prefers Aemond, and Father prefers his real estate empire and his model ships. Can you imagine loving a miniature replica of the Titanic more than your own children?â
âNo,â you say, honestly and with heavy, gore-red pity. âYou shouldnât have to go back to people who make you feel that way. I wouldnât.â
Aegon takes another drag as he watches you. âAemond mentioned youâre from Kentucky.â
âI am.â
âBut you wonât be returning.â
âNo.â
Aegon nods, like youâve answered an important question. âAemond talks about you a lot. Itâs cute. It doesnât make me sick like when he was with Alys. Playing her games, breaking himself in half to follow her rules.â
You peer down at your fingernails, short and functional and unglamorous. You donât want to hear about the older woman who was his lover, his obsession, his cure, his venom. She was poisonous to him, surely, and yet she was experienced where you are uninitiated and unversed, she had a PhD to compare with your high school diploma. Surely in those seven years he shared moments with her that were divine. Surely even a curse is woven from magic.
âAnyway.â Aegon rolls over, props himself up on his elbows, and extinguishes his cigarette in an empty plastic Sunny D bottle. âI have no particular affinity for my old life or the beach house in California, but thatâs where Aemond is going. And I have to be where he is. I have to make sure heâs alright, you know?â
Yes, you do know; thatâs how you feel about Rio. âWhatâs it like? That house up on a cliff all by itself?â
Aegon grins, like heâs caught you in a mouthwateringly compromising position. âWhy? You thinking about visiting someday?â
âJust wondering.â
He squirms over to one side of the bed to make room for you, popping in an earbud. âCome listen with me.â
âWhat is it?â
âJust come over here!â
You cross the room and kick off your sneakers, climb onto the bed, lie down and take the other earbud that Aegon offers you. What you hear when you listen is Don McLeanâs American Pie. âOh, this is ancient.â
âItâs a classic. I wish Iâd gotten to live through the 70s.â
âWeâll reinvent them when the world starts up again. Disco and lava lamps and shag carpets. Weâll shoot heroin and listen to vinyl records. Jimmy Carter can be president if heâs still alive.â
Aegon snickers, and then he sings along, hushed but surprisingly melodic, solemn, tender. Heâs looking at you expectantly, eyebrows raised, nodding, beckoning for you to join him. You adamantly refuse. You donât sing in front of anybody, not even Rio.
âI met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where Iâd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldnât playâŠâ
Aegon shoves your shoulder. âI could be dead tomorrow. Donât ignore me.â
Self-consciously, but smiling a little bit, you begin to sing with him, so softly you can barely hear yourself. Aegon is beaming, small even white teeth beneath sparkling eyes, a murky cool blue like storm clouds, like the ocean, waves lapping at the shores of Diego Garcia, the Gulf of Tadjoura off the east coast of Djibouti, Corpus Christi Bay, places you once never knew existed.
âAnd in the streets, the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.â
#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen#aemond x you#aemond x y/n#aemond#hotd aemond#aemond x reader#aemond targaryen x y/n#aemond targaryen x you#hotd fic#hotd fanfic#house of the dragon#house of the dragon fanfiction
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Hii! <3
I wanted to request imagines for reader taking care of the lotr characters (preferably all, but if thatâs too much then at least the women and maybe Aragorn and Faramir too) when theyâre sick/injured for whatever reason
(I love your imagines so much, the way you characterize them all is so perfectly amazingđ)
Thank you for your kind words! I did all of my usual characters because I love hurt/comfort and sick!fic scenarios that much haha! I hope you will enjoy your post âĄ
Have a great weekend everybody!
CW: injuries and illnesses, mention of blood
ïŸâ§ Aragorn.
While Aragornâs heroic sacrifice didnât cost him his life, it took a heavy toll on him. Lucky for him, youâve spoken often enough about medicinal herbs and healing practices â you are able to take great care of him, bedded on his white linens. Even when he is still too weak to speak, Aragorn will hold your gentle hand.
.
ïŸâ§ Arwen.
You return so often to Arwenâs bedside that you wonder if it would be easier to just stay â but you know that privacy and rest are just as important as her wish to hold your hand. Whenever youâre with her, you tend to her wounds or read her passages from her favourite book to make her smile, which Arwen appreciates immensely. As she rests, she plans on properly kissing you as soon as sheâs healthy.
.
ïŸâ§ Boromir.
Boromir hates that a common cold has him chained to the bed for over a week now. But heâd lie if he said he didnât enjoy you taking care of him â even though you do tease him and his constantly red nose from time to time. Itâs all in good fun though, and he cannot wait to hold and kiss you again!
.
ïŸâ§ Elrond.
When Lord Elrond returned to Rivendell injured, your heart skipped a beat â he is the most skilled Elvish healer around â who else could treat the gaping, magical wound in his side? The honour is bestowed on you, and you master it despite your nervous mind. Nothing is greater encouragement than finally seeing Elrondâs summer eyes greet you again âĄ
.
ïŸâ§ Ăomer.
The Rohirrim have all kinds of names for the strange fever that has befallen their dear Ăomer â but no methods of healing. They consider it an impossible challenge for you to tame his feverish, sweaty body and nonsense mumblings. But, somehow, the horse lord calms whenever you reach his bedside, sighing when you change the wet cloths on his forehead and rest your hand on his chest.
.
ïŸâ§ Ăowyn.
Initially, Ăowyn thinks nothing of the cut she got during sword lessons. But days of ignoring the wound on her hand could put her in grave danger, you know that â and thus offer to take a look and do what you can. At first, Ăowyn protests, but she falls silent as soon as you turn her hand in yours, unaware of how soft her expression grows⊠She admires your medical knowledge, too! âIs there at all something you cannot do, you marvellous creature?â
.
ïŸâ§ Faramir.
It takes days for Faramir to wake up. Many others believe him doomed and have given up on sitting by his side, trying new herbs and waters, only to see his crystal blue eyes open once more. But you have the matter-of-factly patience of a boat pushing its way through a deadly ocean. And indeed, on a moonlit night, Faramirâs gentle gaze awaits when you return to his side, whispering, âThank you for believing in me, my love.â
.
ïŸâ§ Frodo.
Sometimes you wonder if you are the only person to have consideration for both the physical and the mental wounds Frodo has endured. You always make sure heâs fine and support him when thoughts of the big scar on his chest sends him to dark places inside his mind. You both know that those wounds take much more time to heal than the cut itself, and Frodo is more than glad to have you by his side. To soothe him, you caress the scar.
.
ïŸâ§ Galadriel.
Ever since a mysterious malady has befallen Lady Galadriel, LothlĂłrien is in turmoil. No one would even let you near her â until she ordered her guards away, to allow you to treat her with your medical and arcane knowledge. In fact, you become the only one she wishes to see in her elegant rooms at all. Despite her current weakness, her ethereal beauty and soft smiles make it hard for you to concentrateâŠ
.
ïŸâ§ Gandalf.
Out of breath, you hurry to Gandalfâs beside with that one legendary flower needed to cure him. He insists you be the one to prepare the potion, too. Day and night, you try to perfect his medicine, always worried his state might get worse. When Gandalf finally drinks your potion, the wound on his chest closes magically. But itâs nothing to Gandalf, who has trusted you entirely: âI never doubted you for a moment, my dear.â
.
ïŸâ§ Gimli.
After Gimliâs accident in the mine, you were right by his side to ensure his head injury wouldnât get much worse. His headache is hurting badly though, and your proud Dwarf is but a shadow of himself. He knows rest would be best for him, but itâs hard for him to stay away from work and banquets alike. Still, he appreciates that you pamper him with his favourite baked goods and healing kisses on his head âĄ
.
ïŸâ§ Haldir.
Haldir is not an easy patient, but that doesnât stop you from treating his catastrophic shoulder, which he has ignored for days on his way through the woods of LĂłrien. Spread onto linen sheets beneath you, he grunts and cringes â as much as his half-dead stone face can, that is â under both your touch and your harsh words. But deep down, he knows you were simply worried â and honestly, he doesnât quite know how to deal with that!
.
ïŸâ§ Legolas.
It seemed inevitable that Legolas would someday break a leg because of his acrobatic archery skills, and yet you are surprised. Elves heal quickly, but Legolas suffers greatly under his involuntary immobility. You help him by recounting his favourite quest stories and eventually by supporting his first tentative steps outside, which he thanks you for with the stormiest embraces âĄ
.
ïŸâ§ Merry.
Merry thinks he can walk of anything â even an injured knee. He doesnât want you to think of him as weak or unable to take care of himself. But even Merry can only play down a limp for so long. Truth be told, he is actually relieved that he no longer has to hide the pain, and that you spreading balm on his knee is no ordeal but in fact a very sweet gesture.
.
ïŸâ§ Pippin.
Pippin has been sneezing and stumbling for days, eventually falling into bed with the biggest groan you have ever heard come out of him. He is a âsufferingâ patient and you know it. But while Pippin greatly enjoys you pampering him with food, tea and blankets, he secretly cannot wait to take care of you in return â no matter if youâre sick or not! âItâs youâre not actually sick, or else I couldnâave kissed you!â
.
ïŸâ§ Sam.
Gardening involves many dangers, and although Sam has been practising it since childhood, he eventually hurts himself on his gardening knife. The cut is deep and wonât stop bleeding, but you are quick to bandage it and remind him to change the fabric once a day. But Sam has trouble keeping his thoughts straight, when all he can think about is you holding his hand in yours, all closeâŠ
#admittedly some of these are way more dramatic than others haha!#lotr imagine#lotr headcanons#lotr x reader#aragorn x reader#arwen x reader#boromir x reader#elrond x reader#eomer x reader#eowyn x reader#faramir x reader#frodo x reader#galadriel x reader#gandalf x reader#gimli x reader#haldir x reader#legolas x reader#merry x reader#pippin x reader#samwise x reader#* ask#* request#* hurt/comfort
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Snippets. đșđ DA:TV spoilers under cut.
Game Informer reporter Wesley LeBlanc has mentioned that he will not be at the DA@SDCC stuff [source]
Saira: "i wonât lie, my very first council note for lucanis was âcanât wait to fuck puss in bootsâ" [source]
Jay: "And you killed it!" [on Alex Jordan's - one of the actors of Rook - post announcing his role in the game] [source]
Ashe: "say it with your chest HELL YEAH HE DOES" (context: Council members sharing that Lucanis' voice in-game does indeed sound like the actor's Spanish reel video) [source]
Erika Ishii might sneak into the actor panel at SDCC [source]
A user asked "when are the announcements of the different languages voices?" An EA Community Manager replied "Weâre not ready to reveal everyone quite yet, but stay tuned!". [source: the official BioWare Discord]
In the Discord, the ask-bioware channel is for questions folks may have for BioWare. they can't guarantee that all questions put there will be answered, but if you have one it's still worth popping it in there as the channel helps them "for future Q&A sessions and the like" [source: the official BioWare Discord]
In the Discord, a user asked about pre-orders. An EA CM replied "Not yet announced!" [source: the official BioWare Discord]
In the Discord, a user asked about the release date. An EA CM replied "I wish I could. Gotta keep it under wraps until it's ready though!" [source: the official BioWare Discord]
EA CM Violet: "always stirring in the bioware lighthouse. hard working team full of passion â€ïž" [source: the official BioWare Discord]
A user said regarding the talent lineup for Rook's actors, "This entire lineup is INCREDIBLE." Corinne: "So glad you like it! đ" [source]
Ghil Dirthalen shared that she thinks Bellara "rocks- so excited for people to meet her â€ïž" [source]. She also mentioned that Bellara isn't really like Peebee from Mass Effect: Andromeda [source]
Ghil also shared non-DA voice clips of the companion actors that she thinks sound most like their voices as-used for the companions in DA:TV. This is the clip shared for Taash, although it's not super-close as Caitie had trouble finding a clip of this actor. "but their voice in DAV is a lot more dead pan? In a good way though- Taash is fun!" [source]
This is the clip shared for Emmrich. "this is closer to the Emmrich voice than the other clip ive seen floating about. I would say less cartoony than this performance, but with the same voice??" [source]
Malcolm on Emmrich: "you might have to buy him dinner or something first. He's a classy guy." [source]
Bryce: "someone on Tumblr who follows me for dragon age content called this the Veilbus and I'm-" [source]
John Epler is heading to SDCC [source]
John on the recent Game Informer video: "not shown - the piece of wood digging into my spine for 45 minutes as i filmed this. me after: 'yeah i had a piece of wood digging in between two of my vertebrae' them: 'why didn't you say something?' me: 'i was on a roll and i didn't want to lose it'" [source, two]
Trick: "I thought I knew who I was romancing in DAI until the first time I heard Sera giggle. I suggest pinballing wildly between whoever strikes your fancy as you learn more about the characters until the game comes out and then seeing who wins your heart!" [source]
User: "I was wondering about tavern songs in DAI. Thereâs a song for Samson, but not for Calpernia. I was wondering if there was an in-universe reason for that, or if it was due to real world limitations?" Trick: "I think the tavern songs were about what the lyricist found interesting, so they weren't a sign that Samson or Sera or Harding was more important than anyone else." [source]
#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#video games#long post#longpost#mass effect: andromeda#mass effect
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241013 Weverse Translations
Jimin's Posts âïž
ìŹëŹë¶ë€ ì ìì”ëë€ ì€ëë§ìŽìì ă
ă
(https://weverse.io/bts/artist/2-150684810)
Hello everyone, I'm here, it's been a while hehe
Trans cr; Aditi @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS
ììŒìŽ ìëČë žë€âŠă
ă
ă
(https://weverse.io/bts/artist/2-150684824)
My birthday's already hereâŠhahaha
ìŽêČ ì ì ììŽ ì ìíë€ëłŽëêč ìŽëì ììŒìŽë€ì ê·Œë° ìê°ìŽ ëčšëŠŹê° êČ ê°êž°ë ë늏êČ ê±°ë êČ ê°êž°ë íêł ê·žëŹë€ìŹă
ă
ă
ă
ă
ë€ëë©Ž ëč ë„žë° ì볎멎 ëëŠŹêł ă
ă
ă
ă
ă
ă
ă
(https://weverse.io/bts/artist/3-182040188)
I've been so busy getting used to things and now my birthday's here But time feels like it's gone both fast and slow hahahahaha It seems fast when I look back, but slow when I look ahead hahahahahahaha
ă
ă
ă
ìŹëŹë¶ë€ ì믞ìŹëŹë¶~~ ìžì ìŽë êČ ììì ì늏ëŽì ë¶ëŹëłŽë €ë ëłŽêł ì¶ë€ì ëłŽêł ì¶ìŽëŒìì ì ꜀ë ꞎ ìê°ë€ìŽ ì§ëê°êł ììŁ ? ì믞ë€ì ìŽëšêčì? ìŽë€ ë ë€ëĄ ìê°ì 볎ëŽêł ììêčì ì íŹë„Œ êž°ë€ëŠŹëêČ ì§ìčšìŒëĄ ë€ê° ì€ì§ ììêčì ê·žêČ ê±±ì ëë©Žìë ìŹëŹë¶ë€ìŽ ê·žë„ ë§ë„ íëł”í ìŒë€êłŒ ìê°ë€ì 볎ëŽêł ìììŒë©Ž ìąêČ ë€ë ìê°ì íŽì ìŹëŹë¶ë€ë§ì ê·žëìŒíëêčì ă
ă
(https://weverse.io/bts/artist/4-182043667)
Hehehe everyone, ARMY~~ When will I be in front of you calling out to you like that I miss you, I miss youuuu
Hmm a really long period of time is passing by, isn't it? What's it like for you, ARMYs? I wonder how you're spending your days during this time
Doesn't waiting for us get tiring? I worry about that, but at the same time I also hope that you're just really happy and having a really happy time Because you guys really have to be happy hehe
ì ë§ ì€ëë§ì íëł”í êž°ì”ì ë ì믞 ìŹëŹë¶ë€ê»ì ë§ë€ìŽìŁŒìë€ì ă
ă
ê±±ì íìëŒêł ë§ìë늰 걎 ìëê”Źì!! ìœì§ë ììŒëêčì ă
ă
ê·žëë ê”°ì ìąì ìŹëë€ìŽ ì ë§ ë§ìì ë€ê°ìŽ íëŽë©Žì íë šë°êł ìì”ëë€ ì ëščêł ìŽëë ì ë§ ìŽìŹí íêł ìì”ëë€ ! ê·žëŹë ì ë ê±±ì íì§ ë§ì
ì ììŒ ì¶ííŽ ìŁŒì
ì ê°ìŹí©ëë€ ëŹŽìš ëł”ìŽ ìŽë êČ ë§ìì ê”°ì ìëë°ë ììŒ ì¶íë„Œ ë°ë€ì ì ê° ìžì ìŽ ëȘšë 걞 ë€ ê°ì ì ììì§ë ëȘšë„ŽêČ ì§ë§ì ëê°ì ìŽë»êČë ë€ê°ìê±°ìì ê·žëŹëêčì ìĄ°êžë§ êž°ë€ë €ìŁŒìžì ëê° ì ëë° ì꟞ ë©ìč«ë©ìč« íë€ì ê·žëì íŹë°íŹë°íêČ êžìŽ ì íêČ ê°ìì ă
ă
ì믞~~~~ ìì€í ì€ë ìì§ ìëëĄ íêČ ì”ëë€ ìžììì ê°ì„ ìì€í ì믞ìŹëŹë¶ë€ ìŹëí©ëë€ đ (https://weverse.io/bts/artist/4-182047119)
For the first time in a while, such a happy memory has been made for me, thanks to you guys
I'm not asking you to worry!! Since this isn't easy haha Still, there are so many good people here in the military, and we're all staying strong together, doing our training I'm eating well, and really working out hard too! So please don't worry about me
Thank you for all your birthday wishes I don't know how I got so lucky so as to get birthday wishes even when I'm in the military
I don't know when I'll be able to repay all of this But I'll make sure I do, once I'm out So please wait just a little longer
I'm trying to write but I keep stopping and starting again and again I think I've made this post too clunky haha
ARMY~~~~
I won't forget this precious day ARMY, the most precious in the world I love you
ì§ì§ ì ë§ ë§ìŽ ìŹëí©ëë€ (https://weverse.io/bts/artist/0-150677752)
I really love you so so much
ë ìŹêČì (https://weverse.io/bts/artist/1-150694909)
I'll come again
Trans cr; Aditi @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS
#241013#jimin#weverse#translation#post#letter from jimin#he's so precious#birthday post#happy birthday jimin#bts#bangtan
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Greetings Mear! I really love your writing! I was wondering if I may request kid,shanks, law with a cute/sweet personlity, Some traits I like too add if don't mind^^ ,Very thoughtful, culeless at times ,Over all just cute ,and the reader is blind,You can write this in any scenario you wish for.
Anyways have a good day!!!
Thanks so much for your workđđđ«đ«đđđ
Thank you so much for your kind words! It truly means a lot to me. These were an interesting three to choose for this but oh so cute! I hope you donât mind that I added a haki ability to the reader. I hope you like what Iâve written for you. đđ
CW: fluff, gn!reader, reader is blind but can use haki, could be read as platonic or romantic
Their light in this dark world (Kid, Shanks, Law)
Kid
You didnât have the most pleasant first encounter. While you were wandering through the market, you got swept up in all the commotion and let your perception waver a bit, which led to you bumping into Kid. By his stature alone, you were knocked back a few steps.Â
The low grumble of a threat emerged from him when he first laid eyes on you. Before he could throw in many curses, you cut him off by profusely apologizing. Huffing and rolling his eyes at you, you seemed harmless and pathetic enough not to give the incident much thought.
He grumbled under his breath when he left, but he kept an eye on you. There was something about you that had caught his eyeâhe just couldnât put his finger on it.Â
As he saw you stumbling about here and there, he almost lost interest, what with nearly labeling you as a lost cause. However, there were little moments when you showed some potential with your haki abilities, to which he felt the need to approach you again.
There were a few bumps the both of you had to navigate once joining his crew, one of which being how you would unintentionally cause problems with your cluelessness. That being said, the heart-felt apology youâd muster always made him blush a bright redâmoments that he was secretly happy heâd never have to worry about you witnessing.
Even with all his huffing and puffing at your thoughtfulness and sweet actions, he enjoyed having you around. You were truly a delightful member to have alongside him, and even if heâd never admit it, you were the light he didnât realize he needed.
Shanks
He and his crew had docked the port of your city not long ago and were enjoying their time amongst the friendly locals and plentiful food and drink. Shanks was off by himself relaxing under the sunâs rays when he noticed you strolling by.
You seemed content walking down the street; you held a pleasant smile that was illuminated by the light. Watching you from afar, he could tell that there was something different about you, but of course, he couldnât be certain until being properly introduced.
As you made your way to the fountain, you took out a coin. After whispering something to yourself, you tossed it in and took a seat on the edge.
Admiring you and the delicate nature you held in your posture, he felt enticed by your charm. Upon introducing himself, it was clear that the quality that seemed to have set you apart from the others was your blindness.
However, after exchanging pleasantries, it was obvious that your condition wasnât the only thing that made you unique: your sweet character, your displays of thoughtfulness, and your kind soul were rarities in this gloomy world. You captivated him through conversation and eventually took the plunge on boarding his ship to sail the seas with him.
You held a lot of inner strength, making you a skilled haki user and even though that meant you were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, you were still guarded by one of the most loyalâShanks. With his curiosity getting the better of him, he asked what you wished for that day you met.Â
âTo live a life worth sharing.â
Law
While some of his crew was off gathering much needed supplies in town, he and the others were tending to the submarine. As the ones who were trusted with the job of collecting goods ventured into the nearby town, they were finding it a bit difficult to find their way around.Â
Their arguing caught your attention, so you offered your assistance. With such overwhelming gratitude, you were touched knowing youâd made that much of a difference. As you led them to the places on their checklist, you really came to like themâthey appeared to be genuinely nice people.
They invited you to meet everyone else and to show their appreciation properly, which you gladly accepted. As you were being introduced to everyone, warmth radiated off each and every one of them. That was until you felt a blistering cold emitting from the side.
With such an intense aversion coming from their captain, you treated him just as you did everyone elseâwith tenderness and care. Though your time getting to know them wasnât long, Law made a passing comment on your impressive haki abilities, to which you replied that you really hadnât been given any other choice if you wanted to live a life with independence.
Respecting your answer, you two came to have a rather pleasant conversation, causing his icy demeanor to melt and be replaced with something more welcoming. With them having to stay docked in the area for a while longer due to repairs, you swung by nearly every day to help in any way you could, further earning their trust.
With the crew practically begging Law to offer you a spot on board, he rolled his eyes but ultimately folded to their request. Heâd been mulling over the idea of having you join for a little bit and seeing how you were able to overcome adversity while maintaining that affectionate nature made it difficult not to want such a ray of hope by his side.
#one piece#x reader#one piece x reader#one piece imagine#op#one piece x you#one piece fluff#op x reader#op x you#eustass kid#kid x reader#kid x you#eustass x reader#shanks#kid#shanks x reader#shanks x you#red haired shanks#red hair shanks#law#law x reader#law x you#trafalgar law#trafalgar d law x reader
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Need You Now
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Bucky thinks about the hurt he caused you as he is left with memories of happier times. Does he get a second chance at life with you?
Warning: Angst, sadness, drinking, hope?
Word Count: 1125
A/N: Thank you to my beta readers @pigwidgeonxoâ & @lfnr-blog-blog-blogâ & @music-culture-mythology (any mistakes on spelling & grammar are my own. Did this on my phone)
A/N 2: This used to be a Dean Winchester fic but since I write for Marvel only I'm switching this to a Bucky Barnes fic.
A/N 3: Song fic, Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Lyrics in Bold.
Reblogs & Comments on Tumblr are welcomed and encouraged. đđ
I do NOT give my consent to have my work translated or reposted on any social media platform, apps, or third-party sites. If you see my work anywhere else besides my personal Tumblr & AO3 accounts then it has been stolen. I will NEVER give written or verbal permission to repost or translate any of my fanfics as theyâre MY intellectual property. đ«đ«
Bucky is such a fool. He let the one person he loves the most leave after an argument. He said a lot of hateful things to push you away and it seems that this time it might be for good. Why couldnât he see that he deserved a life away from constantly going on missions? Youâre willing to settle down with him and give him the normal life that he always dreamed of. Now he is haunted by pictures of you both together in happier times scattered everywhere. His phone is in his hand ready to dial your number but would you pick it up? Has he crossed your mind as you have with him? Screw it, he dials your number and lets it ring. But you donât pick up. God, he was such a fool to let you go.Â
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me, it happens all the time
Bucky looks at the clock and sees that itâs a quarter after one in the morning. The feeling of loneliness swarms over him as he drinks his whiskey slowly. He thinks back to the sadness in your eyes when you ask him, âAre you sure you want this?â God, no he didnât want this to end but he was too proud of a man to admit it. Looking at the locked screen on his phone he sees your smiling face. He wants to call again, though a part of him tells himself to let you go so you can be happy. Bucky doesnât know what heâll do without you but if this is what a broken heart feels like he never wants to feel it again. The other part of him is screaming that he needs you. He needs to see your smiling face, hear your laughter, and taste your lips. What he would give to have you come through that door again and tell him you canât live without him. Though if he was honest he doesnât know how he is going to live without you. Dialing your number again he silently prays that you will pick the phone up but it goes to voicemail.Â
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me, it happens all the time
Bucky pours another glass of whiskey as he thinks about the life you could have had together. You both had talked about having a family one day and getting that little house with a yard big enough for a dog. Yes, that was the life that could have been. But itâs all a distant memory now. He should have never allowed going on missions so much to be the deal breaker between you both. He deserves a chance at a normal life. Grabbing the glass of whiskey he downs it in one gulp. Bucky promised he wouldnât call but fuck it. While he has the courage he quickly dials your number and listens while it rings. After the fifth time ringing, it goes to voicemail. Dammit, he screwed up. He just hopes that youâre sleeping and not ignoring his call. Maybe he should try to sleep as he is feeling a little buzzed. Though how could he sleep knowing you wonât be there in the morning? As Bucky leans back on the couch he tells himself he would rather have these hurt feelings than feel empty inside. Unbeknownst to him, his finger dials your number again.Â
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Bucky shut his eyes for a few minutes and woke up to someone shaking him. He groans his disapproval and slowly opens his eyes. There you are staring at him with a sad smile on your face.
âBucky, I saw you called me several times. Is everything okay?â You sound concerned as you ask him. He looks awful and smells heavily of whiskey. You notice the pictures of you both are scattered everywhere.
He looked over to the clock on the wall and it was just after three in the morning. You came over this late? âIâm fine, sweetheart. I was just drinking some whiskey. No need to worry about me.â
âDoes this have anything to do with the argument we had?â You question him as you look at how much whiskey is missing from the bottle.Â
He sighs. âNo, yes, maybe. I just wanted you to know I didnât mean anything that I said earlier. I donât know what I would do without you in my life. I want the future we talked about. I want out of the Avengers if you still want to as well. Just say the word and itâs done.â
Tears spill down your cheeks as you nod your head. âI do want that but Bucky you hurt me. Saying you donât want kidsâŠâ
âI was an idiot. I do want them with you. I want the house, the yard, everything. Just give me a chance to prove myself to you.â
A small smile flashes across your face. âWell, I hope youâre serious because Bucky Iâm pregnant.â
Bucky sits up quickly and pulls you into his lap. He kisses you passionately, tongues slowly dancing together as you grip him harder against you. When he pulled away so you could both breathe he let out a chuckle. âIâm so freaking happy.â Finally, everything is going to be alright. You need each other and so both of you vow to never make drastic decisions again. Today is the beginning of your forever, just the three of you.Â
***
@americasass81
@astheskycries
@awesomerextyphoon
@caffiend-queen
@caplanbuckybarnes
@denisemarieangelina
@fictional-affairs
@georgiapeach30513
@get0verit
@hollybee8917
@joannie95
@jobean12-blog
@jtargaryen18
@jvanilly
@labella420
@lfnr-blog-blog-blog
@madscape
@mdemontespan1667
@missvelvetsstuff
@mrsmischief209
@mycrazyasslikestoread
@nekoannie-chan
@noellez-best-life23
@notyourtypicalrose
@patzammit
@princessofdarkwinter
@rayofdawnworld
@spectre-posts
@sweater-daddiesdumbdork
@talia-rumlow
@thefallenbibliophilequote
@what-is-your-plan-today
@wolfsmom1
#saiyanprincessswanie#missy writes#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x fanfiction#need you now
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Jungkook fic recs 2023
In honor of Jungkookâs birthday, I want to share my ultimate favorite Jungkook fanfictions, that Iâve read this year đI want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing âš All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart đ„č
âMost of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.âÂ
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original ficâs post đAnd if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated đ
BTS fic rec index â May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (đ)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(kth) |
Emoji meaning â angst = đ©ïž, smut = đ„”, fluff = đ„°, comedy = đ.Â
âTwo point Five: pt1, pt2, pt3 [series] by @bratkook // jjk x f.reader // handyman!jk, s2f2l // đ„”đ„°
đ Who would have thought booking a handyman from an app would lead to this. sure, you wish heâd mount you instead of just your television, but you could totally be friends. Right?
đšïž This is also one of my all time favorites! đThere is just something incredibly hot about handyman JK đ„” It is so good, juicy, smutty and thereâs comedy in it too! Please donât be sleeping on this one.
âCaught Me by @jeongi // jjk x f.reader // roommate!au, e2l // đ„”đ
đ You hate your temporary roommate, jungkook and it doesnât help that heâs been catching you at the most inconvenient of times.
đšïž This is a fucking MASTERPIECE đ I love the banter and comedy, how JK gets on readers nerves đ I love absolutely every fucking thing about this and donât get me started on the smut đ„đ„ đ„
âThe Forgotten Spaces [completed series] by @oddinary4bts // jjk x reader // college!au, dancer!au + e2l // đ©ïžđ„”đ„°
đ Youâve been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?
đšïž This is truly a masterpiece! The writing is perfection and the characters have so much soul, dimension, hurt and love. It is exceptional đđŸâ„ïž you just have to read this gem đ
âMcD*ckin by @jinned // jjk x f.reader // slice of life, fast food worker!jk, customer!reader, s2l // đ„”đ
đ âSo, if Iâm so predictable,â you tease, running your finger along his clothed chest, âwhat am I going to do next?â
đšïž Iâd like to order a McChicken please đđŸââïžđ„”đŠ this was funny, and actually made me laugh like a freak at some points đ€Ł also the second hand embarrassment đłđ It really cheered me up. I really liked the ordering menu when reader arrived đđ€ also the ending, which was unexpected for me, but I quite liked it because it wasnât âsuper happy and lovey doveyâ like most of the stories I read, but still open đ
âThe Wedding Planners by @gukyi // jjk x f.reader // e2l, wedding!au // đ„°đ„”đ©ïž
đ Jeon Jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. Then your best friend Hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly Jeon Jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friendâs wedding. And then, as if your life couldnât get any shittier, you make the poor decision of sleeping with him on the first day of the job.
âIn the Dark by @jksangelic // jjk x pjm x f.reader // threesome, f2l, mxm // đ„”đ
đ âI canât get a signal on my phone, the car is dead, and Iâm fairly certain we are out of matches.â
âOh My God, They Were (Quarantined) Roommates đŻ by @ot7always // jjk x f.reader // college!au, roommates!au // đ„°đ„”
đ What do you do when youâre quarantined for months on end with Jeon Jungkook - S tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? Fuck him, you guess.
âAnpanman by @honeymoonjin // jjk x f.reader // bf2l // đ„”đđ„°
đ Your best friend jungkook finally convinces you to seek therapy for your failing mental health. the only catch? the one therapist thatâs within your price range is an alternative marriage counsellor, jung hoseok, and the only way jungkook managed to get you an appointment was by saying the two of you were married. will couples counselling actually be useful for your wellbeing, or will something that runs much deeper rise to the surface instead?
âThe Boy with Galaxies in His Eyes by @oddinary4bts // jjk x reader // idol!au + fwb2l // đ©ïžđ„”đ„°
đ You had never thought the night sky could be found in someoneâs eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?
đšïž It is a long one, but damn is it worth it! It will take you for the very best rollercoaster ride of your life. So if you havenât read this yet, what are you honestly doing with your life?Â
Borahae and happy birthday Kookie đ đ„ł đÂ
#bts fic recs#bts fic#bts fics#bts imagine#bts imagines#bts scenarios#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x reader#bts smut#namjoon x reader#happy birthday jungkook#jungkook scenarios#jungkook bts#bts jungkook#jungkook smut#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x oc#bts jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x reader#bts x reader#bts x you#bts x reader smut#bts x y/n#jjk fic#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jungkook fic recs
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Quarterly Fic Rec List 2023 #4
Hello! This is the last list of 2023! These are the wonderful fics I ended my year with! I hope you enjoy them! If anyone would like to be removed from this list; please let me know! As always each of these fics has its own content warnings, and most, if not all are 18+ so Minors Do Not Interact!
Seokjin
daydream @joonie-beanie
summary: Your literature professor has a bit of aâŠgift. A gift that letâs him see other peoples thoughts when he wants to. And despite the fact that he warns his class openly about this gift, one day you forget, and find yourself in a bit of pickle when Kim Seokjin reads your mind, and finds you imagining some not so school appropriate scenariosâŠinvolving him.
pink panther @gimmesumsuga
summary: The one where your boss, Kim Seokjin, tries to show you how beautiful you are
9 months to fall in love @floralseokjin
summary: It seems like everyone around you is either already in love, or in the process of falling, and while normally you couldnât give a damn, finding out the co-worker youâve had a teensy crush on is dating someone else at the office seems to sucker punch you right in the gut. Itâs stupid, and youâre irritated at yourself, but you canât seem to shake out of the funk youâve fallen face first in. Feeling lonely and heartsore, and mad for no reason, during drinks with your best friend you spot a man at the bar. Tequila confident, you make your way over to the stranger, and successfully one thing leads to another. The next morning you leave before heâs woken up, feeling satisfied in one way, but still as discontented as ever. Telling yourself it was an inebriated mistake, you quickly try to forget about it. Only, three weeks later that night comes back to haunt you â in a very unescapable wayâŠ
dream come true @sugaurora
summary: Since your brother had warned you years ago that his best friend Seokjin was off limits, youâd only allowed yourself to safely fantasize about him in your dreams. Youâre not sure why tonight his lips feel so much softer and his hands so much warmer than usual, but youâre also not about to complain.
whole @yoongiphoria
Yoongi
can't afford love @dollfaceksj
summary: Your childhood dream of having 2 children in a big house with a blooming marriage by this point in time has been eliminated the moment divorce came knocking at your door. With only one child and finding yourself back at square one, you ask your ex-husbandâMin Yoongiâif heâd be down to fulfill 1 of these 3 things on your childhoodâs bucket-list. And no, itâs not giving you a big house.
u suck !! @kithtaehyung
summary: Jiminâs cul-de-sac is filled to the brim with autumn leaves, trick-or-treaters, and halloween spirits. but the scariest part of the night? yoongi himself. and the way he looks downright sinful in his costume.
three tangerines ^
summary: throughout high school, you sometimes caught glimpses of your brotherâs older friends: some of them were sweet, some of them were smart. but the one closest to him? that guy was a total f*ckboy from day one. after a foray of horrid relationships spanning years - ending with one that broke up with you for an alarming reason - you needed advice on what the hell you were doing wrong⊠and this wasnât a conversation for anyone sweet or smart.
broken pt. 1 ^
summary: chilling conversations prolong things even further⊠until everything goes to hell.
ghostface killers @gimmethatagustd
summary: Youâve had your eyes set on Yoongi for as long as you can remember. What you didnât know is that heâs had his eyes on you, too.
red & white @sweetestofchaos đ
summary: you and yoongi have something to share this holiday
Hoseok
spookie coochie @gimmethatagustd
summary: The only monster Hoseok wishes you were interested in finding this Halloween season is his monster câ
drink champagne in my airplane @bangtanintotheroom
summary: Your friend Hoseok decided to use his excessive wealth for good and take the both of you on a much-needed vacation. The flight was meant to be relaxing until he broke out one of his most expensive bottles of champagne.
a holly, jolly crisis @kpopfanfictrash
summary: At this time last year, you thought you had it all. A kick-ass screenwriting job for the hottest TV show in LA, an actor boyfriend whose career was taking off and an affordable apartment with not one, but two bathrooms. Fast-forward to now and youâre single, soon-to-be jobless and searching for a way to scrape together January rent. Everything seems to be falling apart, which was why you told your family you werenât coming home for the holidays. Enter your little sister, Sara, who recently became engaged to her boyfriend, Yoongi and needs you home to celebrate. The biggest problem? Returning home means youâll be forced to face everything and everyone you left behind, including Yoongiâs best man â and your ex-best friend, Hoseok.
12 lays of christmas @minisugakoobies
summary: Your brotherâs best friend Hoseok really likes your cookiesÂ
it's a promise @sahmfanficbts
arranged marriage au
Namjoon
close, closer, closest @augustbutwinter
summary: you know your soulmate is close, but you havenât met them yet. every day your counter goes up when you pass that one station. until one day it doesnât.
make an effort @7ndipity
summary: When you ask Joon to be your fake boyfriend, he ends up finding out about your very real crush on him. Luckily for you, the feelingâs mutual.
a word from our sponsors @ugh-yoongi
summary: youâve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasnât stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistryâpeople have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny⊠until you canât stop thinking about it.
Jimin
cloud nine @suga-kookiemonster
summary: âheâs here again,â viv whispers. âyou know who. the hot guy whoâs totally into you.â and he is hot--devastatingly hot enough that you know he canât actually be into you, because the universe simply doesnât work that way. that still doesnât stop your heart from pounding when he smiles at you from across the room.
menace @eoieopda
summary: Far and away the worst of your brotherâs friends, you added Park Jiminâs presence in your life to the long list of grievances you held against Seokjin. Too bad you canât keep your hands off him.
crescent bound @parkhabits
summary: One night youâre having the best hookup of your life and the next youâre being told that the little mark on your neck is more than just a hickey and that Park Jimin was more than you expected too.
the dark side of the moon @dovechim
summary: falling in love at first sight is cliche, not until it happens to you on a dark night in a lonely alley. but youâre only human, while Park Jimin is Alpha of his pack; it could never work out. so you resort to pining for him like a wolf howling at the moon, but when Jimin goes feral, thatâs when everything changes.Â
a remedy for mondays ^
summary: all you wanted was just one day off work. but for that to happen, you need to invent a plausible reason. and then somehow, somewhere along the way, things get out of hand, and now people think youâre having a baby with your co-worker Park Jimin after a one-night stand. confused? join the club.
heavy petting @kittae
summary: Your boyfriend is not just a cat hybrid, heâs also very needy! When you come home from work and you expect him to be all over you, youâre fairly disappointed to find he prefers a nap over some well-deserved quality time. Youâll make sure to pay him back for that.
the devil in his details @johobi
summary: Evil comes in many forms. In this instance, itâs a 5âČ8âł pretty-boy with an even prettier dick. And youâre the form you want him to come in.
me, you, and this thing we have between us @boymeetsweevil
summary: Youâre pregnant and jimin isâŠhappy about it
devil's advocate @7cypher
summary: You had met the devil on a hot summer day. He had shown up in a red polo, red cap, and white sneakers on his feet. That day, you had invited your devil into your home and he hasnât left since.
no strings @kpopfanfictrash
summary: It started off as such a simple question. How to know if youâre bad in bed? Of course when you asked, you didnât imagine Jimin would actually answer.
the ten days of ex-mas @kpopfanfictrash
summary: Three months following the worst break-up of your life, you finally feel ready to start moving on. The world, it seems, has other ideas when you pick up the phone and find your ex-boyfriend calling. Jimin Park, star right winger of the NHL and (until recently), the love of your life, has a very large problem. Despite the courage he regularly shows on the ice, in his personal life, Jimin is kind of a coward. When you broke up this fall, he could barely admit it. Not to his neighbors. Not to his friends. Not even to his family, who are expecting him home for Christmas. In a desperate plea for more time, Jimin begs you to pretend youâre still dating â and to his surprise, you agree. Faced with a second chance, Jimin is determined not to squander it. If only fixing a relationship were as easy as falling in love.
Taehyung
midnight @sailoryooons
summary: Taehyung loves being your prince charming, even if it means trying to find where youâve wandered off to in the middle of a Halloween party without your shoes.Â
the holi-date @kpopfanfictrash
summary: When your ex-boyfriend becomes engaged to his new girlfriend at your annual Holiday party, you admittedly are not in the best place. Which explains why you down six shots of alcohol, enthusiastically drop it low on the dance floor and â oh, yeah â tell everyone you are also dating someone. The only problem? You are obviously not. Good thing your neighbor happens to be cute and in need of a ride to work every morning.
of lace and lust @hobidreams
summary: friendship rule number one: donât imagine how amazing your best friendâs cock would feel inside you. except thatâs all you can think about after accidentally discovering taehyungâs kink for panties. specifically, the lacy ones youâre so fond of wearing.
hush @suga-kookiemonster
summary: four seats, five bodies. âcareful, sweetheart,â he breathes into the shell of your ear, hands tightening over your waist in warning. you lick your lips, pausing just long enough to ponder: what if you donât want to be careful?
rotten angelcake @inkedtae
summary: sheâs as sweet as angelcake; he likes her honeyed rotten. this is a series following the complicated relationship between a sugar baby, sugar daddy and his corruption kink.
sausade @kimvvantae
summary: no one is born to be alone and no one can be complete in oneself - thatâs why, in this world, every person has a pair, someone that complements their soul in every aspect. you, however, are an exception to the rule, for the mark on your wrist indicates that your pair has passed away way before you were born.
kinda hot @kimnjss
summary: youâve always been cute, soft, tiny in taehyungâs eyes. but thatâs changing one night when youâre accidentally sending him a naughty picture. forcing him to realize, maybe his best friend is kinda⊠hot?
Jungkook
jungkook drabble @euphoricfilter
summary: obsessed gf m/c and equally as obsessed boyfriend jungkook. heâs the light of her life, and sheâs the reason he smiles
blessed with a curse @sweetestofchaos
summary: When your company throws a mandatory Halloween party, you arenât thrilled. Youâre even less thrilled when a delusional coworker ruins the party and places a curse on everyone because her crush, the resident werewolf, Jeon Jungkook, rejected them.
seasons don't fear the reaper @augustbutwinter
summary: life is short, they say. one day everyone meets their death, they say. how often can you meet yours before he takes you with him?
because i love you ch. 13 @readyplayerhobi
summary: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. Itâs a good thing Jungkook doesnât care what society thinks then.
a holiday snowdown @kpopfanfictrash
summary: The Inn on the Hill is in trouble. Or that's what your boss, Namjoon, says during the last-minute All Staff holiday meeting he calls. You need money, and you need money fast, or his parents are planning to sell the resort. When no one can think of an easy solution, Namjoon proposes his parents' idea: a weeklong social media blitz with a celebrity guest. The celebrity? None other than Jungkook Jeon himself: two-time Olympic gold medalist, world-class snowboarder and the nation's sweetheart. What's the problem? You happen to have met Jungkook Jeon before, and sincerely hoped you'd never see him again.
all grown up @btsgotjams27
summary: A family reunion brings back the young boy you grew up with. Though he wasnât the doe-eyed boy you once knew, he stood in front of you all grown up.
this is us ^
summary: you start to fall hard for jungkook.
OT7/Multiple Members
carnival of terror ch. 2 @theharrowing
summary: The carnival is in town, and it is unlike anything you have ever experienced. Will you make it out alive?
the gentlemen @honeymoonjin
summary: Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.comâs very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim theyâll be able to rock your world, so donât hesitate! Apply now!
of storms and vampires @wishesunderthestars
summary: During the worst storm you have witnessed in your life, a bat crashes on your window. When you bring it inside your cottage to take care of it, you realize it isnât simply a bat but a baby vampire. Your past has come back to haunt you because Jungkookâs sire is no one else but Min Yoongi, who you had left behind when you disappeared five years ago.
oh, little red @jincherie
summary: You knew they warned you about that path for a reason, you knew you shouldnât take it as a shortcut. You knew, but you were running late, and you did it anyway. Oh, little red, just what have you gotten yourself into?
Ateez
Seonghwa
let me keep you warm @sweetestofchaos đ
summary: âAre you cold?â âA little bit but Iâll be okay.â âCome here, letâs get you all warmed up.â
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(regency au anon again) thank you so much for the kind and lovely words about what i sent! i was blown away that you liked it! and thanks to everybody who reblogged and commented as well, it was so sweet. i think i will end up posting that au on ao3! i actually wrote some more, so maybe i will wait until i have a semblance of plot before uploading it.
i wrote some of the tanfang backstory and made myself very sad lol. here, let me share my sorrow in a tiny snippet. i don't want you to feel obligated to comment ASAP so i won't keep spamming your inbox, but whatever else i write in this au is all dedicated to your wonderful idea and i hope i can do it justice!! and that i can post it soon.
[It would be so easy to say yes. He ached to say yes. But it was as if that moment in the shop had thrown a revealing light on the past summer of Fangâs friendship with Tan. As if he could finally see what this bond was growing into -- see what his feelings for Tan really were.
You love me, Fang thought, gazing at that beloved face. And I⊠I am my parentsâ son.]
HIIII ANON HIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
first of all, i must apologize for the really late reply!!!! going to the fanmeet last weekend kinda threw me off my (already usually very slow ;;;;;) rhythm and im taking way too long to catch up with everything ;;;;;;;;; i know you said it was okay if i didn't answer right away but still!!!!!! I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR WE ARE REGENCY AU AND NOT A MINUTE GOES BY WHERE I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SPEAKING OF WHICH. THAT SNIPPET ABOUT TANFANG'S BACKSTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You love me, Fang thought, gazing at that beloved face. And I⊠I am my parentsâ son. <<< THROWING UP ALL THE BLOOD AND ORGANS IN MY BODY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN AS WELL OH THE ANGST IS GONNA BE SOOOOO DELICIOUSLY SOUL DESTROYING AND SOUL-DESTROYINGLY DELICIOUS THE DUTY VS LOVE OF IT ALL WILL HAVE ME CLIMBING THE WALLS AND SPINNING COUNTERCLOCKWISE ON THE CEILING ABOUT IT I ALREADY KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WHEN FANG ACTUALLY CHOOSES TAN I WILL START LEVITATING
IM SO HAPPY YOU WROTE MORE OF THIS AND THAT YOU'RE PLANNING TO POST IT ON AO3 SO PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE DO LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU DO SO I CAN GIVE IT ALL THE LOVE AND SCREAM ABOUT IT SOME MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
#SORRY IM SIMPLY SO OBSESSED WITH THIS#I WOULD LITERALLY READ 200K WORDS ABOUT IT AND PROBABLY SCREAM AT EVERY LINE CONSIDERING HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT WRITING#but i don't wanna pressure you in any way!!!!!!#im already so happy and grateful for what you gave us i really cannot thank you enough !!!!!!#hope you're still around to see this and im wishing you the most wonderful day!!!!!!! đđđ#we are the series#tanfang#m: ask
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Wilmon + "I can sleep on the couch tonight"
Hi anon! sorry this is so late, I hope you'll still see this somehow <3 I've been having a bit of a writer's block for a few weeks, but this particular story would not let me go, and it was actually really helpful in beating the brain demons. I hope you'll enjoy it đ (fair warning it's 1k words idk what happened here)
âI can sleep on the couch tonight,â Wille announces once the movie credits start rolling. He gets up from under Simon and from the couch, then stretches, shirt lifting up to show a sliver of alabaster skin that Simon wants to feel, to touch, to experience.
And maybe he would have, if he wasnât so stunned about Willeâs announcement, given Simon has spent the better part of the evening cuddled up on said couch with Wille, lying in his arms as if itâs the most normal thing in the world, as if they hadnât met mere hours before.
Simon tries to swallow his disappointment down. âOh,â he says, mouth quirking up into a smile that feels so fake that heâs sure even the people at home will be able to tell. âThatâs sweet of you.â
Heâs usually better about getting his hopes up. He had thought that, especially for a TV show like this one, two strangers being locked in the same house for the entire weekend, he would have been more on guard. More careful about getting close to Wille, given all of Sweden was watching. But that was the entire point of the show, wasnât it? To see if two strangers could fall in love within just a few days.
And theyâve known each other for even less than a day, so Simon really shouldnât have expected Wille to want to share the bed with him. He definitely shouldnât have hoped for it. And yet, here he is â hopes absolutely squandered.
Had Simon just misread everything up until this point? Is Wille simply not interested in him like that? Simon had been sure that something had been building up between them. They'd hit it off right from the moment Wille had walked in the door. Simon had been a bit nervous, and he suspected Wille had been too, but his radiant, carefree smile had been enough to calm Simonâs nerves. They've done nothing but talk and laugh for the past few hours, getting to know each other, and Simon had loved every minute of it. It didn't feel forced, even though it should have, or fake, even though they were on TV â it had just felt natural. And when they'd put on the movie, and Wille had opened his arms, an invitation for Simon to fall into them, Simon hadn't even thought twice, had let himself be held. Not at any point did he feel uncomfortable, or like he shouldnât be doing this â like even their bodies fit together.
Once or twice during the movie he had even imagined leaning up a bit, wondering what it'd be like to kiss Wille, what his lips would feel like.Â
But maybe all of Wille's touches, the hand he placed on Simon's arm for a second while they were cooking, jostling against him when they were doing the dishes after dinner, staying really close to Simon the whole while and the playful giggle Wille let out when Simon had splashed him â maybe it had all been friendly for Wille.Â
An uncomfortable feeling settles in Simonâs stomach as he watches Wille clean up their mess, bring the cups and empty popcorn bowl to the kitchen â their kitchen, at least for the next 30 hours. It was the ease with which Wille shifted out from under him, that maybe hurt more than Wille saying heâll sleep on the couch.
Simonâs not normally the guy to fall this fast. He hadnât really expected anything to come out of joining this programme other than maybe finding a friend, but Wille had been so warm, and welcoming, and funny that it had just happened. And now, more than anything, he wished theyâd met under normal circumstances, no cameras to see what they were doing.
âAre you okay?â Wille asks, when the table has been cleared, the dishwasher running.
Simon blinks up, back to reality, back to Wille, who has sat down next to him again. âYeah, Iâm fine,â he lies. He canât say the truth, that heâs weirdly upset about Wille not wanting to share the bed with him. Heâs sure people would make a meme out of him, his face plastered on every Swedish channel as yet another desperate guy.
Wille looks at Simon for a moment, a look on his face that Simon canât quite decipher before his gaze softens. Then he does something that makes Simonâs heart burst in his chest, just a little: as if he has read Simonâs mind, he covers his mic with his hand.
âWhatâs wrong?â he says so softly that even Simonâs mic wonât be able to pick it up, only Simon himself.
âI had âŠâ Simon starts, not sure how to continue. If it had been just him and Wille, heâd have asked him to come to bed with him in a heartbeat. Would probably have done more than they would do tonight, because heâs not doing any of that with the cameraâs surrounding them, but he still would like to fall asleep next to him, maybe in his arms.
Simon covers his own mic to give himself a semblance of security, but he still feels too seen, too vulnerable, so when he speaks, he looks down to where Willeâs leg almost touches his. âI had kind of been hoping you maybe wanted to share the bed⊠tonight. But if you donât want to thatâs of course totally okay you know, no ha-â
âSimon.â Wille stops Simonâs rambling with a hand on his thigh. Simon looks up, just in time to see how Willeâs face completely lights up with a smile, almost relieved, and even the room around them feels brighter all of a sudden. âIâd like nothing more.â
Thereâs a twinkle in Willeâs eyes. Itâs nothing sexual, nothing that conveys anything but pure joy, and Simon already canât wait to find out what else will make that twinkle appear, hoping to see it so much more often in the future. Maybe if there werenât any cameras around, this would have been the moment Simon would have leaned in and kissed him, but heâs not sure if he wants all of Sweden to see that. Still, smiling, Simon takes Willeâs hand and leads him to the bedroom.
Send me 'wilmon' + a sentence and get a ficlet!
#yeah idk what happened here#and it's not my best work but it's something i guess#1 +5 sentence game#yr ficlet#young royals#yr fanfic#yr fic#yr fanfiction#young royals fanfiction#young royals fanfic#young royals fic#young royals archive#wilmon#wilmon fanfiction#prince wilhelm#simon eriksson
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Hello! Love your head cannons and fics of Levi, reading them feels like home to me. If you are still writing hcâs, I was wondering how Levi would feel about being with a s/o who is feeling insecure. Like, maybe itâs about their appearance or personality, as they have probably experienced snide remarks/verbal bullying growing up and havenât recovered/became a daily habit to criticize their every action/looks. Or maybe even the s/o hides it well but it pops up as anxiety, people pleasing, and self deprecating humor (Totally not about me hating myself lol.). I know that Levi is not the type to comfort others in a traditional sense of words of affirmation but I have always wondered how he silently/passively or actively raises his s/oâs confidence, or if he actually doesnât find that attractive and views it as too much baggage. Maybe his acts of service can give a boost somehow?
Wish you all the best and hope you are happy and healthy đ
Hi, dear! How are you? Aww, thank you for your well wishes! I wish you the best too! <3
I think Levi understands that we all have doubts about ourselvesâhe probably has a bunch of his own but is just good at hiding them. However, I feel like Levi draws a line between "I get that we can all be hard on ourselves sometimes" and "Hey, don't be so tough on yourself; it's not helping."
Of course, all the reassurance would be wrapped in "Levi's style," haha. Like, if she's cursing herself for messing something up, Levi would ruffle her hair and say, "Oi, the only one allowed to call you stupid is me, idiot," while lovingly messing up her hair.
If she's hating on her body or worrying about how her outfit looks, Levi would probably hug her from behind, squeeze her, and tickle her until she stops, then say, "Who the hell cares? Most of those idiots probably donât even wipe properly after taking a shit. Do you really care about the opinion of someone walking around with dirty underwear?"
"Levi!"
"I think you look great, and my opinion's the only one that matters."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"Do I look like someone who goes around lying to make people feel better?"
"... Touché."
"I could show you just how good I think you look," he'd whisper in her ear, tickling her again.
"Haha, stop it! We're going to be late."
"Or... we could not go at all."
"Levi... Erwin's going to kill me if you donât go."
Hope this helps! Remember, we all have insecurities, but we shouldnât let them define us. <3 If weâre not kind to ourselves, how can we expect others to be kind to us? <3 I hope this makes you feel better!
Have a lovely day and stay safe!
#levi#levi ackerman#attack on titan#aot levi#captain levi#levi attack on titan#levi x reader#levi x you#levi ackerman x reader#levi aot#levi x y/n#levi x reader fluff#levi ackerman x reader fluff#levi ackerman x you#levi ackerman x female!reader#levi x female reader#levi x fem!reader#levi ackerman x fem!reader#aot x you#aot x reader#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan x you#aot levi ackerman
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"f1 drivers as happy taylor swift songs"
happy testing week everybody!!
Charles Leclerc
yeah, you know i did one thing rightđ©·
he watches as you mutter conspiratorially with his mother, whispers in each other's ears and shooting glares to whoever dares eavesdrop. sitting on his childhood sofa, he reflects on the past and his life, pondering in the moment of silence. and there is this voice in his head that talks to him, reminding him of every regret, every single person he's loved and lost. he tries to shut the voice out, knowing full well the negativity never does any good. but as arthur had put it at dinner earlier, it seems as though he's been more relaxed of late. he brushes it off, but as his eyes train on the one he loved getting along swimmingly with the woman who loved him first, he thinks to chalk it up to the tiny nagging voice in his head that had appeared a few days ago out of the blue. the voice was a stark contrast to its predecessor, this one a ball of golden light, saying that maybe he's fucked up a lot, but at least he's got you.
Carlos Sainz
i know heaven's a thing, I go there when you touch me, honeyđ
there is this undeniable tingle in his spine when your soft skin presses against his. even in the blistering Spanish heat, he welcomes any skin contact from you. he glances down at where the floppy sunhat blocks most of your face from the sun, and your eyes from his. wondering how much trouble you would give him if he flings the dreadful hat into the ocean, he misses the request you direct up at him. repeating the question, he nods, taking the suncream from your outstretched hands. he takes his time with the lotion, savouring every second his hands are on your back. you thank him with a quick press of your lips to his cheek and he rests a hand on your thigh, bending down to steal another from your lips. his love language was definitely physical touch, especially if it was yours.
Danny Ricciardo
i dared you to kiss me and ran when you triedđ
the sunshine is warm on your skin but the shoulder that brushes against yours is warmer. dannyâs contagious laughter is carried by the gentle breeze that passes through the park. at age 9, danny had charmed your mom enough to let him bring her 7-year-old out on an adventure. your peripheral vision shows a teenage couple giggling over clasped hands, and when youâre young, you donât think of the consequences, so the words slip out. âi bet you won't kiss me right here, right nowâ. and danny leans in, always ready for any challenge. and just as your lips are about to meet, you burst into laughter, darting away. you can still remember delightfully screaming through the public park as danny gives chase. itâs the same park he proposed in, after all.
George Russell
you wish it was me, don't you?đ
immersed in the classy ambiance of an art exhibition, george navigates the gallery adorned with bright splashes of paint marked contemporary. despite being engaged in interesting chatter, an inexplicable force compels you to lift your gaze, and it locks onto the familiar curls across the room. amid the elegant hum of hushed whispers, the air shifts, his lingering eyes meeting yours, giving rise to a thump in your chest. as his blue orbs drink in your form. once. twice. the rising tension manifests in the prickle of your bare shoulders and the unspoken question echoes amidst the artistic expressions. you yearn to step closer, to be the one on his arm. but long strands of brown silk and emerald green are in your place. and though his eyes long to meet yours again, there is nothing but empty space in your stead.
Lando Norris
so baby, can we dance through an avalanche?đ€
you drop the heavy box on the floor, the fatigue in your bones too wearisome to hold you up any longer. coupled with the emptiness of your apartment and the lack of a certain laughter in the stagnant air, you crumple onto the unmade bed. lying there for what seems like eternity, the thoughts of your future and whatnot plaguing your mind. the weight of unemployment burns heavily, so much so that you miss the sound of the door letting someone through. another body sags beside you, the familiar cologne staining your nostrils. your head turns, finding purchase in the shoulder beside. the stupid orange shirt reminds you of your limited time with him and something clicks. the home system is called upon as a DJ, playing soundtracks of celebration as you pull your boyfriend around the room in a made-up waltz, laughing at his put-out expression and then over the absolute misery that is life. despite the chaos, your heart still finds comfort in its other halfâs presence.
Lewis Hamilton
romance is not dead, if you keep it just yoursđ
as you clean the apartment you share with lewis, your gaze falls onto the cream card hidden just between your books. Persuasion and Porchia, you note. the seal on it a light purple, the shape of a heart in the hardened wax, and you can picture your boyfriend sliding it onto your bookshelf before he had left for another race this morning, a smirk on his face as he imagines you finding it, and you already know what it is. tracing the edges of the envelope lightly, you break the seal and slide the pages out, unfolding it to reveal the handwriting you had come to reverent. in swooping sloping cursive letters, he proclaims his love again, like he does in every single one of these. and as cheesy as it is, you treasure every single one of them, tucking them away in a little box at the corner of your wardrobe. someday when you have kids, maybe you'll take it out to show them just how deeply their father loves.
Max Verstappen
i don't belong, and my beloved, neither do youđ©¶
he knew this. he knew full well his career would take him across the world for three quarters out of the year and yet, the one thing he failed to realize was that nothing would feel like home. and then he found you, the absolute enigma that chose to do the same thing he did, realising early on that your home wasnât in a place. and the streets of Kyoto were just lifeless alleyways till you pointed out the cosy glow of the warm streetlights with your brown streaked hair that shined gold under them and the dark nightscape with the way you shined in his eyes. you did the same for the beaches in Miami and balconies of Spain, easing the loneliness in his memories. slowly but surely, the words you had spoken to him were coming true and his home was taking the shape of you.
#f1 headcanons#f1 imagine#f1 fluff#f1 x reader#formula one fluff#formula one x reader#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc x reader#carlos sainz fluff#carlos sainz x reader#daniel ricciardo fluff#daniel ricciardo x reader#george russell fluff#george russell x reader#lando norris fluff#lando norris x reader#lewis hamilton fluff#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen x reader#my writing#itsvelyria
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