#wishing the happiest of holidays to you!!!!

[jeminie-rising]

One Second Fireworks

[ Inumaki Toge x Reader ]

link to AO3: [ One Second Fireworks by JEMINIE ]

summary: "His eyes now looking for the fireworks in the reflection in your eyes as they looked up in awe."

or, Toge gets called in from the Inumaki Clan for the holidays, but made it back to Tokyo just in time for the last chime of the new years countdown to steal the last grape from you.

warnings: Inumaki Toge uses sign language, Soft Inumaki, Inumaki says more than just rice balls ingredients, fluff, toge and reader being complete idiots in love, no smut!, toge thinks he’s not deserving :(, afab!reader, they're both so in love but can't admit to it (yet), Toge says more than just rice ball ingredients, there might be slight mischaracterisations, found family, everyone ate grapes at midnight, new years eve, Not actually unrequited love (they just shy), Panda is so supportive.

characters: inumaki toge, The Inumaki Clan, Fushiguro Megumi, Itadori Yuuji, Kugisaki Nobara, Zen'in Maki, Panda, slight Satoru Gojo, mentioned Yuta Okkotsu

word count: 5,379

authors note: hii! decided to write a part two of the Inumaki x reader Christmas one shot! will be putting them in a series, so it's easier to read through them. But definitely can be read as solo works too! Told myself that this would be a one shot but when would that actually be followed through? LMAOO (comments get to my head and make me want to write more ngl --they're just so cute pls)

FIND PART ONE HERE (a silent christmas) IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT YET!

and as usual, enjoy!! and happiest new year to everyone xx

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A lot can happen in a year.

New year, new resolutions, new dreams, and new hopes. But not for you, you had a resolution, a plan, and a dream that has been on standby for nearly a year now. And it didn’t look like it was going to change anytime soon. It hasn’t been long anyways that you’ve known Toge, but it definitely felt longer than what it was. Time with him seemed to stretch just longer than you thought. And while he was away, if it were possible, it seemed unbearably longer. 

“Have you guys counted your own grapes yet?” Nobara called out for everyone.

A silly little thing she and Itadori found online. You couldn't understand how the tradition of the 12 grapes suddenly had to be eaten from under the table. Growing up with your family, you ate the grapes with one another, twelve for the twelve last chimes of the bell of the year, only to be followed by a mouthful of cheers from one another. This year, when your family died, you truly thought you were going to spend it on your own. Fortunately enough, you found your way in the company of some good human friends and an equally great panda friend.

Unfortunately, one of those friends was missing. Inumaki, the same one that you wished, most of all, to be there, was called upon by his clan. He was to spend the holidays with his family, a long held tradition that dated for centuries. Unlike the one that you, Nobara, and Itadori were trying to create that same night. The Inumaki clan showed their solidarity for the members of their family that were cursed with the Snake Eyes and Fangs. For the entirety of the end of the year into the year to come, they were to pass their days in silence. A custom that the holders of cursed speech often had to go through their entire lives.

Toge never cared for having to limit his vocabulary. He never minded it, his friends always could grasp what it is that he wanted to convey anyways. His feelings and ideas always reached the hearts of those he cared for, and although it was hard to not be able to use full words, it was nothing compared to witnessing anyone he cared for be under the curse of his words. That was just what the kind of person Inumaki was. Exactly the reason why you initially fell for him.

Megumi, on the other hand, as the true spirit of his personality, was already complaining into the new year, “I still don’t quite understand why we have to do this? It’s not like we’re Spanish or Lati—”

“IT’S A TRADITION!” Nobara stomped her feet.

“Traditions require a transmission of customs for a regular amount of times, we’re doing this for the first time.” Maki supported Megumi. Perhaps such a personality ran in their blood.

“It will be fun!” Itadori tried to convince them, with his eyes on the clock. Only 27 more minutes left.

“I will eat the grapes, but I am not getting under the table,” Megumi stayed on his chair.

For lack of a better place, they decided to take a classroom of Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College and transform it for their year end’s party. It wasn’t much of course, a few decorations here and there, number shaped balloons showing the year that they were entering, and the food that covered their school desks that lined up in a long table.

“It’s not like I would fit under one either…” Panda chuckled, scratching the back of his neck.

“Then perhaps, for solidarity, should we all just not go under the table?” You offered. You didn’t want Panda to feel left out if Megumi and Maki miraculously agreed to crawl under a table.

Itadori couldn’t help but nod to that. He too, would have felt too bad to leave out any member in their little game. “What if we just put the table mantles over our heads!?” 

They all looked at him, his logic may have been a little far fetched but Nobara would have taken anything she could at that point. Time was ticking and she was not going to be single for yet another year. 14 minutes.

“Fine!” She finally agreed to it. “Table mantles… so stupid.”

“More stupid than eating grapes under a table?” Megumi laughed.

“If I am still single by the end of this coming year, y’all going to feel my hammer!”

Compared to crawling under a table, the idea of a table mantle over everyone’s head was not an idea that required as much convincing. Everyone looked like little disfigured ghosts and you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of them. 

You looked at your watch. 3 minutes.

Because everyone’s eyesight was covered, no one could keep looking at the clock. For a highly funded government school, it was hard to get a grab on a tv out there for them to use and move into the classroom. None of your teachers allowed for that. So Itadori had his phone propped up with a countdown from a stream online. 2 minutes. And your heart was beating in excitement as you held onto your paper cup filled with twelve grapes. The sensation was familiar to that of when you were near Inumaki. Or that one time he was holding you close, as he hid you from a first grade curse.

Memories of your year started flooding your mind. This could have been the worst year for you. Losing your entire family. Knowing you would have never had your life back and that your future was forever going to be cursed with the presence of… well, curses. But, at the same time, you also met all your new friends. You learned things about the world you thought were only myth and fantasy. You learned things about yourself you never knew. Pushed yourself to limits you never knew you even had. And, somehow, among all of them, the image of Inumaki’s rare exposed smile shone through.

“Here we go!” Nobara urged them, although the time was still long. 36 seconds. Anything could happen in that time. 

In only a few seconds, you were able to reminisce the entirety of a year. In just one, the Earth travels 18.5 miles through space. In just a few seconds, you could try to call Inumaki and confess your undying love for him. In just the few seconds left you had, you grabbed the phone out of your back pocket and reached for Inumaki’s chat.

On the corner of your phone. 23:59.

On your watch. 21 seconds.

On the one-hand-typed message for Inumaki. Happy new year, Inumaki-senpai!

You hesitated, but then continued. I lov…

“Here, here, HERE!” Itadori chanted. 

Your attention now on hearing the bells of the streaming. 15 seconds. And you were considering sending the message before the time so you could focus on the grapes. But in a panic, you placed the cup in the hand that held your phone, without sending the message, and started to get a single grape.

The people in the stream started counting.

TWELVE!

Everyone ate a grape. 

ELEVEN!

Everyone was quiet. Only the sound of people munching and shuffling under their own table mantle could be heard along with the stream of the countdown.

TEN!

You were already struggling with three grapes. Remnants of the first grape were still at the back of your mouth, unable to swallow it all.

NINE! 

You saw three dots bubbling from your phone. 

EIGHT!

Your heart started to pound more as you tried to keep up with the grape counting and try to read whatever message you were about to receive.

SEVEN!

There was still no message. The sign of Inumaki typing was still there. You had to wonder if he was doing his own countdown or was he laying in his bed at home as silence haunted his estate.

SIX!

“I don’t have grapes of my own :(“ His text read. How did he know you guys were doing grapes? Your mind quickly went to Itadori, who kept updating him with pictures of each of you as the holidays went. You chuckled.

Hearing your chuckle, the others thought you were struggling with the grapes as they were.

“Dish ish soh ARD!” Itadori said in a mouthful.

FIVE!

“OCUS!” Nobara tried to bring their attention to the grapes. It was quite a hard feat.

FOUR!

You checked your phone again, the screen still on Inumaki’s chat. There were bubbles again. Oh, he definitely wasn’t counting down with family.

“Can I have some? :)” His text read.

THREE!

You see two feet in front of you. Who was walking around while eating the grapes?

You didn’t have much time to worry about it for now, Nobara might just scold your ass into the new year, as you stuffed your face with grapes. 

TWO!

Then one hand lifted your table mantle enough to reveal Inumaki standing right in front of you. The shock of seeing him there made you freeze in your place. Grape between your two fingers.

ONE!

You forgot all about the twelve grapes. Eleven were already mushed inside your puffed cheeks, while the last one was now in Inumaki’s mouth, lips brushing against your fingers where it was just a second ago.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Inumaki winked at you. All you could do back was blink. 

Everyone else removed their mantles too as the chimes stroke twelve and let out mouthful greetings and cheers. Inumaki was quick. He let go of the mantle he kept up to look at you and turned around to the others.

“Inumaki-senpai?!” Itadori reacted first, quite dumbfounded.

“TOGE! You made it!” Panda greeted him with a hug.

“[name] get out of there!” Nobara called out for you, still a table mantle on your head. “Look, Inumaki is here!”

You lifted the mantle with your free hand. The one Inumaki helped himself with by eating your last grape from. Your expression is still in shock, which worked in favour of Inumaki. It was exactly how he wanted you to look like, to not bring the others any suspicion.

“Uh– uhm,” you stammered your first few words of the year, “H-happy new year, Inumaki-senpai.”

The boy tilted his head as he smiled towards you. His cute crinkles framed his eyes. You couldn’t help but blush.

“Kelp!” He said, now to everyone present. “Tuna tuna!”

“You wanted to surprise us?! That is so sweet, Toge!” Panda feigned tears.

“Salmon!”

You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. Your mind went through so many things. He often played pranks. He often aimed them at you and Itadori. Mostly because of how gullible you both were sometimes. But why did he have to wink at you and make your heart beat so fast?

You entered the new year with arrhythmia. 

“Hey, let's cheer!” Itadori suggested.

This gave you the right excuse to keep your mind off of things. With decisive steps you walked towards the tables lined up and grabbed sparkling soda you guys bought. Being minors, they didn’t quite allow you to buy even the mildest of sparkling wines. Even though Gojo thought he could sneak some for you guys, Nanami highly pushed that idea aside by dragging him far from you and left with only a warning.

You were lining up the cups when Panda joined you. Quite surprised to see him there beside you, when one of his best mates just arrived from out of thin air. But he was there, grabbing the half empty bottle of soda, as he started to fill the lined up cups.

“You should talk to him,” Panda said as he filled the second cup.

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

You stood there silently for a second, “why me? Why not talk to me?”

Panda only let her sit in her words for a few seconds as he stared at her from the corner of his eyes. 

“Okay fine, I do realise the stupidity of my words,” she admitted. “But that’s exactly my point! I can’t do words when it comes to Inumaki-senpai!”

Panda chuckled, “You have a far greater vocabulary than him, I am sure you can string along some words to make up something good enough. Besides, he would understand you even without pretty words.”

You tilted your head at him confused.

“The Inumaki clan… learnt how to communicate with their heart,” he explained.

You sat on his few words for a while, until he finished filling up the last cup, calling the others to get their own cups. It didn’t take long before everyone had their paper cups up in the air, cheering for the new year ahead.

“To us!” Itadori cheered.

“To less missions!” Nobara said.

“To even lesser hard exams,” Panda pleaded.

“Spicy cod roe!” Inumaki brought Maki and Megumi closer.

“Cheers, guys!” Maki joined the enthusiasm.

“Cheers,” Megumi said, not as excitedly as the others but with a clear smile on his face.

“To Gojo-sensei for having begged the principal for us to use this classroom!” You laughed.

“TO GOJO-SENSEI!” Everyone clinked their cups together.

Everyone downed their soda in a matter of seconds. Being just sparkling sugar, you’d think they were drinking alcohol from the expressions they were making. Inumaki stepped towards you, although his mouth was already covered just after drinking soda, you could tell he was wearing a smile. 

You looked at him, awaiting for one of his ingredients to be called out. But instead he pointed towards your pocket, where you stored your phone away. It didn’t take you long to understand he was calling for it. Was he going to use it to type out what he needed to say? Wouldn’t have been the first time. He often used your phone to type out whatever complex thing he had to say. 

However, this time, when he took your phone after you unlocked it, he didn’t open the Notes app. You weren’t looking at the screen, after all this time, you learnt to wait patiently for him to finish typing instead of pressuring him by hoarding his space.

After chuckling at your phone, he faced your own phone towards you. The screen flashed onto your chat with him. It confused you at first, until you read the half-typed message you had for him.

Happy new year, Inumaki-senpai! I lov

Your eyes widened. Your following actions fast, as you reached out to grab your phone. However, his were even quicker, pulling his hand back in the air. You knew, with your current fighting skills, you could only take on Inumaki for a little more than a minute before he had you floored. He was the only semi first grader among the students present anyways. With the dress and heels you were wearing, insisted by Nobara, you could bet it was even less than so. Even without the use of his cursed speech.

“Inumaki-senpai please–” 

“Bonito flakes,” He cut you off by shaking his head, and continued wiggling his eyebrows “Tuna~?”

You looked around, everyone was busying themselves by talking to one another. It wasn’t new anyways that Toge teased you, so they did not bat an eye as you cried out for your phone. But you still hushed your voice as you stepped closer to him, “I was typing with one hand! I had my cup in hand, my fingers must have slipped–”

He shook his head again, this time chuckling at you.

“It’s true!” You insisted. 

It wasn’t far from the truth, anyways. But you couldn’t help but think if this would have been a good opportunity to finally tell him how you felt. You could have let your past self say what your present self couldn’t, but not like this. Not from a message. You didn’t want to confess to your crush through half-written unsent text.

You thought maybe it was time, maybe you could welcome the new year by following through your backlog of resolutions. You gathered all the courage you had before you could hear a loud bang, bringing all of you to attention outside. Being trained sorcerers your first instinct was to get ready for a fight, but it all seemed silly as colours filled the night sky of Tokyo.

“FIREWORKS!” You, Itadori, and Nobara exclaimed. You already forgot all about the half-written confession you had. Fireworks now filled your view and entire mind.

“Let’s go out!” Itadori jumped, not even grabbing a scarf to warm himself before hopping over the big window to the outside.

You laughed, only to follow him excited as he was. Forgetting all about your own jacket too, and other matters, in the building. Excitement was enough to warm you up.

“Hey, wait for us!” Panda was trying to follow suit, as he wrapped himself with a scarf before getting out. It wasn’t long before everyone had followed after Itadori, who was completely immersed in the fireworks that they all could see in the skies. 

These had to be programmed by the city of Tokyo, you thought, there was no way civilians could master nor have enough money to afford such grand fireworks. Your group managed to get a hold of sprinklers and small fireworks that you had planned to light up in the courtyard. But they were nothing as beautiful as the ones in the sky.

You had your head tilted back, admiring the lights. You have always adored lights. Your family would always bring you to firework shows and other kinds of light shows, since you were a child. When the biggest streets of a city would finally put up their Christmas lights, you were always there for the first night of lighting it up. The winter holidays season was always your favourite, only followed by the summer festivals with their crazy firework shows. 

The memories of the summer festivals’ fireworks warmed you up enough to forget it was actually dead winter that night. It didn’t occur to you the cold that was beginning to crinkle up from your feet. You looked around to your friends, all of them were also looking at the skies, smiles planted on everyone’s face –even gloomy Megumi.

“That one had to be the biggest one yet!” Nobara screamed to be heard by everyone.

“No! There’s gonna be a bigger one –I know it!!” Itadori jumped.

“Salmon!” Inumaki couldn’t help but agree with Itadori. And just like that, a sprinkle of bright silver almost enveloped the entire sky in a big big dome. Everyone wow-ed in a chorus, and Inumaki had to take away his eyes from the beautiful show long before the sprinkles were gone, only to look at your reaction.

He inched closer, with intentions in his step. His eyes now looking for the fireworks in the reflection in your eyes as they looked up in awe.

Perhaps the whole ‘you're the most beautiful view’ was quite cheesy for his tastes, but he couldn’t help but be exactly that whenever it came to you. He always found cheesy lines lame, overly sweet love songs cringy, and in love characters in movies who refused to be together for the smallest inconveniences to be stupid to the point of frustration. But hell was he starting to understand them the days he first met you.

It wasn’t quite exactly love at first sight. You came to the school all battered up, it was only a few days after Itadori had come in, and everyone was surprised to see a new student so soon. Your eyes, unlike right now, were hollow and at a loss of life. Inumaki only heard of what happened to you. Losing your family and that same night, being approached by a stranger with blindfolds, who insisted on you following him to a quite suspicious secluded school claiming all sorts of weird things (knowing Gojo-sensei, he wasn’t the best at explaining what curses were and this new world was that you were about to embark in). 

When Inumaki saw you for the first time, your head was tilted down instead of up to look at the sky. His first feelings towards you were out of sympathy. He wasn’t quite sure when the many other feelings began to creep in. Maybe it was the way you’d always make space in the conversation for him. The way you asked him questions so he could just say yes or no to them. The way you began to bring around an extra bottle of cough syrup with you in your pocket for him even when neither of you were on a mission.

But he knew it for sure the day of his birthday. You’ve been in the school for a few months by then and he wasn’t sure how it was that you found out about his birthday. But you had prepared a gift just for him. You insisted it was silly, and that it might have been more work for him than giving him a normal material gift, but in his heart, that was everything.

Feeling some eyes on you, you looked around to see Inumaki already staring at you. A hidden soft smile planted on his face. You tilted your head to the side, smiling at him. Clearly you already have forgotten your interaction earlier. Inumaki couldn’t help but chuckle again at you. Quite adorable, he wished to say.

You brought your finger up to point at him. He followed your gestures, already locking in to read them. Then you brought the same hand to both of your shoulders, the left then the right, tilted your head again to show your worry. 

Are you okay?

Inumaki couldn’t help but smile fondly. That was one of the first few things he learnt ever since you gave him that guided tutorial on basic Japanese Sign Language for his birthday. Turned out, ever since you met him, you’ve been studying how to do sign language to effectively talk with him. Then, ever since his birthday, he caught up with you, almost being better at it than you are, despite how much longer you took to learn.

Inumaki gave you a shake of the head. But gave no other gestures to explain himself. You could only frown, but your hands were instinctively already going towards your pocket. Inumaki knew what you hid in there –his cough syrup– he stopped your hand with his own, feeling how cold yours were compared to his.

Having followed Itadori out without thinking, you left your jacket inside. Fortunately, Inumaki was more prepared than you, and he calmly but surely took off his own jacket to place it around your shoulders.

“Oh no, I am okay!” You insisted.

But Inumaki was shaking his head once again, “Bonito flakes.”

You frowned, “why aren’t you okay? Are you not enjoying the fireworks?”

Being so close to one another, you didn’t have to scream to be heard from one another. You could have raised your voices a little louder, but at that point, both of you were quite scared to be heard by the others a few steps away from you.

“Bonito flakes,” Inumaki replied, smiling. At this point, you already knew all the expressions he could give with just the use of the upper part of his face.

“What is it then?” You asked, encouraging sign language by already looking at his hands for some gestures.

However, Inumaki didn’t do any sign language. Instead, he brought out your phone again, having kept it in his hand that whole time. Refusing to let go of it, as if he couldn’t let go of the half-written message you left in it. Only then, the realisation of what happened earlier came back to you in a flash. Another firework banged the moment you lost a beat of your heart.

“Oh,” was all you could manage to say.

You stayed there, fidgeting on his jacket, closing it in –partly in hopes to hide yourself under it. Inumaki, though, he waited patiently for you. Something he found himself having to do more than you did for him. With his limitations, he learnt how to effectively communicate with the little he had in record times. However, with all the words, sign language, texting, and writing you could manage, you still struggled to form anything close to coherent that could have you satisfied. Your conversation with Panda came back to your mind. 

But before you could muster even the lamest word you could think of, Inumaki called for your attention, “Tuna.”

Although he was patient, he also was eager. He wanted to start this new year already, and, in his mind, he couldn’t begin it until he made sure of your feelings. You looked up at him, and as much as he wanted to hear you say the words, he could see it all in your eyes. That was one thing he was most glad to have inherited and learnt from his family. Communication from the heart. No words needed. And although it may have come unintentional to you, Inumaki could have understood all your emotions from the day you stepped into Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College.

All the words you never said, but showed instead. Before you even started conversing in sign language, before you could even get a grasp of his onigiri ingredients, you could already speak his language –that of the heart.

But as crystal clear and plain as day as it was for him, his feelings might have not been clear to you without speaking them. He couldn’t expect you, nor anyone, to know his thoughts and feelings without expressing them. Maybe that’s why you asked him so many questions. It was your own very way to know his feelings and thoughts. However, this time around, it was his turn to close that gap.

For the many times she adjusted to him, he was ready to adjust his own language to her.

You brought your index finger up and shook it, and asked, “what is it?”

Time seemed not to pass. For Inumaki, it was still midnight. It was still the same second he got courage to eat your last grape from your fingers. For him, the only sign of time passing were the fireworks changing in the background. Unlike the warm lights from that Christmas eve at his estate, many different colours lightened up your face.

With only that, he got enough courage to finally say it. May all the precautions be thrown out the window. He was always scared to fall in love. He was never sure how it would turn out to be in a relationship where he couldn’t even say how he felt. But the more time passed, the more it seemed possible with you. A fever dream, suddenly, became a goal –a reality.

He slowly unzipped his collar, showing his entire face. You, with the bunch of times you’ve seen his bare face, were still quite hypnotised by the tattoos on both his cheek. Once you got a snippet of the one on his tongue, making you wonder how much it hurt to get it –or was it something he was born with like his curse? That was a question you haven’t gotten to ask yet, you thought.

Inumaki noticed how you shook your head slightly, before bringing your eyes back up to his, with a slight blush on your face. This little act made him smile, and it took a little bit of his nerves to not hide himself behind his collar again. How was it that it only took a little undone zipper, to make you both so bashful.

He sighed deeply, calming himself to regain the confidence he had just a second ago. He clapped his hands on his face, and this surprised you quite a bit. But the surprise was enough to melt the nerves away, making you giggle at the oddity of the moment.

He brought his hands to your shoulders, begging again for your attention, “Tuna.”

“Yes,” you nodded, for how little you could hear him in between the fireworks, you focused on him. “I’m listening.”

He slowly brought both of his thumb and index finger to each side of his chin. Each finger on his tattoos. He kept them there for a few fireworks exploding in the sky. Frozen.

“Inumaki-senpai?” You asked, your eyes slightly widened. 

He wasn’t done, of course. He had one more gesture to do, in order to say what he wanted to say, but your mind was already trotting like a horse at thousands kilometers per hour. You knew that sign –or at least the one he was setting himself up for. You used it constantly.

It was one of the first few things you learned to express yourself to him. On a summer day, how you liked the flavour of ice cream you picked, but preferred his. How when you were starting to get to know him, you told him how you liked science as a subject but absolutely loathed maths. And of course, you often used it to talk about your favourite movies and shows. There was not a day that passed when you wouldn’t use it. Inumaki, seeing you do it countless times, got the hang of the kind of person you were. Loving and expressive.

He needed to take your example.

He began to slide the fingers to connect them at the tip of his chin. But then it was disrupted by Itadori’s cheers.

“Happy new year guys!”

He hugged the both of you, each arm on each of you bringing you closer to him. Inumaki could only see Panda by the side of his view crossing his arms in an ‘X’ over his head to Itadori. But it was too late. The moment was gone. Another came flooding in from the group of friends.

Inumaki didn’t even notice the lack of fireworks. They were done, marking the end of his chance. That second to midnight lasted almost an hour and he still didn’t make it. He was disappointed, sure, but it took one look at you to see you laughing for him to forgive the others’ disruption rather quickly.

“Spicy cod roe!” He cheered with them after a small sigh of defeat.

“Happy new year, Itadori!” You laughed under his arm.

“Let’s get in to continue the party!” Nobara started ahead, rubbing her hands together in the cold. You were pretty sure she wanted to go back in to get warm. 

The others didn’t idle, following her suit. It was only you who hesitated for a second, looking up to the sky. There were no more fireworks, you’ve missed most of them, but it was alright. You had a moment with Inumaki. You weren’t fully sure what he was about to say (or sign), but you had a moment. What was left of the fireworks were only smokey clouds and stars that, despite the lights of the city, could still be seen.

There weren’t many, but they were there. A bunch. Shining above you all as you entered the new year. And even if the others weren’t seen, you knew they still were there. Exactly like what Inumaki knew your feelings to be. You still haven’t fully confessed your feelings, but he knew they were there. And for now, as he watched you look up to the sky for stars while wearing his coat, he was just going to have to be content with it.

“Happy new year, [name].”

You looked down at Inumaki, hearing his voice again saying something other than onigiri ingredients since Christmas. Your heart started to beat faster, but this time, there were no fireworks to hide it. You only wished he was far enough to not hear it slamming against your chest. With his wish for you you could feel the new year starting great and only becoming better.

You smiled at him, as he zipped his collar back up. A faint smile hid slowly behind it and you could swear his mouth moved more, but his collar was already all the way up for you to hear or read his lips.

“Happy new year, Inumaki-senpai!”

[post-it-notes7]

OHHH MY GOODNESS. MY GOD!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH

from: @starflungwaddledee to: @post-it-notes7

message from santa: "happy holidays post-it-notes! 🎄🥳 i know you very politely only wished for a few modest things- characters high fiving, or struggling in christmas attire- but i hope you'll still enjoy this given that i kinda went the opposite direction entirely! i'm an enormous fan of your work and most times you post anything i wind up browsing your art tag from tip-to-tail in enraptured delight. as such, i thought it was only fair i give back something a little more significant in gratitude for all the joy your work has given me. i knew i wanted to do a comic, so i was thrilled you already had a whole storyverse for me to work from!! this scene seemed the most obvious choice (chapter 8 of "wishful thinking" on ao3) given that i enjoy a dramatic fight scene 😂 i tried to stick as beat-by-beat to the writing as i could and worked in as many details as possible; i hope it'll be fun to see it envisioned this way! merry christmas! ~starflung 🎀🔔 "

[dimeadozencows]

Merry crisis

[mashollings]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Link and Zelda! 🎄💖

[distant-screaming]

I JUST READ MY DECO MY TREE NOTES AND UM. ILY GUYS SO MUCH WHAT THE HELL <3

[pikavani]

What an incredible year it has been! It’s been a whirlwind of turbulence and excitement, but through it all, I’ve grown so much as an artist. I’m beyond grateful to be part of such an amazing community and fandom.

This year, I had the privilege of meeting some truly wonderful friends and discovering even more inspiring art mutuals. Each connection has brought so much joy and inspiration into my life, and I can’t thank you enough for being part of this journey with me.

As we step into a new year, I can’t wait to see what’s ahead—more creativity, more connections, and hopefully, more opportunities to share this passion with all of you.

Wishing you all the happiest of holidays! May your days be filled with love, warmth, and inspiration.

With love and best regards,

Pika 💛

[mobius-m-mobius]

Rules: Google drunkstrology and your zodiac sign to find yours and mark off which ones are correct for you.

@loki-is-my-kink-awakening A swing and a miss for me but this was super fun, tysm for the tag bestie!! 😊💖

Tagging @blackbirdofasgard, @faylights, @too-funky, @professional-termite, @insert-witty-user-name-here, @wolfpup026, @lgwilt, @llokilaufeyson, @edteachs, @eyeldritch, @alwaysanxiousrobot, @symphony-in-silver, @aleerax, @linz33y, @seekers-who-are-lovers, @joker1315, and @unwinthehart as always only if y'all feel like it as well as anyone else who wants to join 💕

Zodiac tag game

I must say, a few of these things I did used to identify with, but now don't because I've changed over the years. Other things are borderline and it was an arbitrary decision on whether I highlighted it or not.

Tagged by @loki-us

Tagging @bigpeepee @abitofboth @mobius-m-mobius @ialwayscomewhenyoucall @queenfreddiebrianrogerjohn

Rules: Google drunkstrology and your zodiac sign to find yours and mark off which ones are correct for you.

[my-castles-crumbling]

christmas cards - 25 days of jegumas - december 19 - @noblehouseofgay - word count: 288 - trans!Regulus - warning: mention of past deadnaming but it's a happy fic!

Growing up, Regulus always hated the idea of sending out Christmas greetings. 

Though his parents were very selective with who they decided to grace with a missive around the holidays, they still sent something to keep up appearances and connections. And the knowledge that a card had been signed with the name he’d been given at birth always sent a stabbing feeling to his chest. Greetings from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, the letter started. And at the end? Regards, Orion, Walburga, Sirius, and Regina. 

He despised it.

So when he’d finally managed to escape his parents’ hold and James mentioned happily that Effie and Monty had put him on the Potter Family Christmas Card, he balked, remembering horribly stiff letters and closing signatures that made him nauseous.

“No,” he mumbled, frowning. “I don’t…I didn’t want…”

And James just looked confused. “What? Why? It’s…I actually thought it was sweet, but if you don’t want..”

He pulled out a small card, offering it to Regulus, who took it nervously.

But there on the thick paper were moving pictures that made his body relax and his anxiously-beating heart melt. Shots of Effie hugging James and Sirius. Sirius putting Regulus in a headlock. Monty helping Regulus put the star on the tree. The three boys eating cereal at the table, all wrapped in horribly festive jumpers. And one of James softly kissing a sleeping Regulus on the forehead, both of them curled up on the couch.

At the bottom, it read: Wishing you the happiest of holidays. Love, James, Sirius, Regulus, Euphemia, and Fleamont.

Refusing to cry, Regulus just held the card close to his chest. “I guess this is alright, then,” he mumbled, ignoring James’s thrilled smile.

[guildfordd]

Say that you’ll hold me forever Say that the wind won't change on us Say that we'll stay with each other And it will always be like this

REBELCAPTAIN + "ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN" FROM HADESTOWN

To @quarantineddreamer — a gift for you from meee, your Rebelcaptain Secret Santa!! 🥰 B, I was so excited to have you as my giftee and had so much fun trying to incorporate as many things as possible from our chats! I hope you like it! Sending all my love & wishing you the happiest holidays 💜

(i/n/s/p)

[xiatarot]

pick a pile: your 2025

< choose an image >

take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. ♡

( for entertainment purposes only! )

I.

significant signs: anastasia (the musical), veganism, white chalk, deers, red candles, polaroids, online courses, full moon, sagittarius, gemini, scorpio, leo, 1:11, 1414, 444, 43.

your 2025 will all be about finally seeing the rewards for your efforts, most of which come from inner shadow work you’ve done this year. i’m hearing your 2025 will actually start this december. lots of newfound energy to work towards your passions and dreams and a lot more peace within. there could be someone from your past coming through soon that’s going to be a big part of your year. this person will help you work on some project you’ve been fantasizing about for some time, they could give you the push you need to start. the cards are asking you to not let fear control you during this time, and that any hardships that may arise are there because you can handle them and you can allow them teach you their lessons without being negatively affected. these rewards could be coming in the first half of the year, spirit might have a surprise for you but they’re not letting me look into it :’). surrender to the divine and let your heart guide you. the hardest part is done. you’ve completed a long chapter and now it’s time to begin a new, much brighter one. happy holidays, and enjoy the fruits of your labor!!!!

find out more here -> ♡

leave a tip if you’d like -> ♡

channeled song:

II.

significant signs: family members, christmas decor, a new car, “dorothy and the yellow brick road” (?), skunks, blonde hair, carnations, pisces, capricorn, aquarius, scorpio, libra 333, 51, 18, 15:15.

2025 for you will be a year focused on self improvement. you will finally get rid of bad and unhealthy habits that are holding you down and you might also be cutting ties with people who don’t resonate with who you aim to become. you’ll be very focused on self care and you will do anything it takes to protect your peace. you might be distancing yourself from a particular person/family member that’s not healthy for you. spirit is calling you to slow down when it comes to work or this year might be when you finally reach burnout. some sort of cycle is closing for you and i’m hearing “it was about time”. some sort of detox is happening, wether physically or emotionally. you might be more careful as to what you eat and drink and what things are worth your time or worth giving up. overall it won’t be the most joyful year but it will surely bring a lot of happiness as a result. remember that your wellbeing comes before anything else and you shouldn’t sacrifice it just to make others feel comfortable. do what you have to to take care of yourself the best you can. happy holidays!!

find out more here -> ♡

leave a tip if you’d like -> ♡

channeled song:

III.

significant signs: red lipstick, fur coats, being splashed with water, bright colored plastic cups, pistachios, mistletoe, pale skin, 1717, 4:40, 6, 69, virgo, leo, cancer, libra

pile 3, in 2025 you’re being called to make your dreams a reality! spirit is telling you that now it’s the time to take action. you might be holding yourself back for fear that you’re not ready or not knowledgeable enough, but that comes from fear and you must not let it stop you. you already have what it takes to reach that mountain top you’ve been dreaming of climbing. you cannot ignore your creative side anymore and if you do it will only bring you down and might also affect your mental health quite negatively. take that leap of faith!! you’re so close to reaching your goals, all you need is to do is take that first big step and you’ll be already halfway there. believe in your abilities and let confidence rule you. if you do, it will be one of your happiest years! happy holidays and may all your wishes come true <3

find out more here -> ♡

leave a tip if you’d like -> ♡

channeled song:

[sundays-sims]

B O R E A L . (early access, patreon)

Hi :)

Happiest of holidays to all! Wishing you all the best for the year to come! ♥ I have been very busy this month (again!) but I am so happy with this month's set. The BOREAL set includes 12 new meshes, and is definitely super cozy. It'll be perfect for winter-y & christmas-y interiors. You'll find a functional piano & fireplace, a comfy armchair, a set of 9 antique candles, wall art & a full hot chocolate clutter set. ♥ Lots of wood and natural swatches, as well as brass accents & antique ceramics. I hope you enjoy & happy simming!

↓ details & download link under the cut ↓

D O W N L O A D  L I N K : [X] (patreon, early access)

S E T   D E T A I L S :

antique candles – 6 swatches

antique wall art – 9 swatches

armchair – 12 swatches

ceramic tea pot – 16 swatches

cinnamon sticks & star anise – 1 swatch

cups – 9 swatches

fireplace – 8 swatches

hot chocolate – 9 swatches

music sheets – 1 swatch

piano – 6 swatches

spoons & glass – 3 swatches

wooden tray – 6 swatches

** boreal will be released (free) on January 16th **

[astonmartinii]

What about Charles just posting his girlfriend (Toto’s daughter) on her birthday, and he gets her like a bunch of expensive gifts and all the drivers make their own posts cause everyone really likes her?

birthday wishes | charles leclerc instagram au

pairing: charles leclerc x wolff!reader

it's grid princess y/n wolff's birthday - also known as an f1 national holiday

mercedesamgf1

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 721,078 others

tagged: yourusername

mercedesamgf1: did you hear? it's our own y/n wolff's birthday - an f1 national holiday (it's good to see she's always bothered everyone with a microphone)

view all 77,056 comments

yourusername awwwwwww thank yewwwww xx

susiewolff happy birthday baby xx

user44 why is the wolff family so fucking iconic

lewishamilton favourite wolff (don't fire me toto)

charles_leclerc <33333

yourusername added to their story

[caption: my lovely boy]

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pierregasly and 1,089,566 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: happy birthday to the love of my life, you make everyday worth living and make me the happiest i've ever been. there's no one i'd rather holiday with, argue about racing with and spoil than you xx

view all 104,561 comments

user34 omg i need a love like theirs

yourusername i love you so much pretty boy xx

georgerussell63 toto just fell to his knees in the factory

user77 lmaooooooooo

pierregasly my feet still hurt from these shopping trips

lewishamilton

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 1,223,457 others

tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton: happy birthday little sister - another year of causing chaos and giving toto a heart attack every three working days

view all 81,756 comments

user89 i love their sibling relationship

mercedesamgf1 our favourites (and george)

yourusername awww love you lew xx

pierregasly

liked by yukitsunoda0511, yourusername and 541,234 others

tagged: yourusername

pierregasly: happy birthday to my favourite member of our weird triangle - please share the gifts charles got you i picked most of them out

view all 12,678 comments

user45 this weird platonic throuple is my favourite thing ever

yourusername i love you and thank you but stop kissing my bf

yukistunoda0511 happy birthday y/n !! BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CHEATED ON ME PIERRE ???

user66 the domestic in this comment section right now

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 611,203 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: happy birthday to my favourite drinking partner let’s never get so drunk that we get locked on the balcony and have to get charles to let us back in

view all 24,089 comments

yourusername you said we'd never bring that night up again (thank you for the gifts xx)

charles_leclerc keep bringing it up max cause i still haven't recovered from the jumpscare of you guys on the balcony on a random matress

user67 i love how y/n and charles brought charles and max back together defo an underrated friendship

alexalbon

liked by lilymunhe, yourusername and 112,098 others

tagged: yourusername

alexalbon: happy birthday to the only one the albon pets actually likes !! hope you enjoyed the mouse horsey caught for you

view all 9,876 comments

yourusername it was my favourite gift obvs xx

charles_leclerc i literally brought you everything you ever mentioned wanting

yourusername horsey committed a federal crime for me sharl

georgerussell63 you're telling me they never loved me ???

alexalbon they tolerated you

landonorris

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 321,086 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: haps baps to my dj mom and the only person as bad as me at putting furniture together enjoy the ikea cabinet i got you

view all 14,359 comments

user321 that stream of them trying to put the most simple thing from ikea together was the funniest thing i've ever seen

yourusername thank you so much lando (that's not coming out of the box until dad visits)

user459 of course she was the one teaching him to dj

martingarrix am i joke to you?

mickschumacher

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 439,667 others

tagged: yourusername

mickschumacher: happiest of birthdays to my travel partner - thank you for always looking after my passport and i hope you enjoy the holiday i managed to book without your help for once !!

view all 14,501 comments

user78 omg the return of mick and y/n travel vlogs???

yourusername i'm so so excited mickey thank yeww

charles_leclerc pls don't steal her for long

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 607,893 others

tagged: yourusername

danielricciardo: happy birthday champ - now i'm on permenant off season should we actually go on man v food??

view all 17,893 comments

yourusername i'm so down for that

charles_leclerc easy for you to say you don't have to deal with you being sick in the car

danielricciardo lmao not my problem

yourusername

liked by f1, charles_leclerc and 2,093,144 others

yourusername: thank you all for making this birthday the best one yet + i love you so much charlie thank you for everything xx

note: thank you for the request lovely hope you liked it xx

[imbored1201]

hi! would you be able to do a teen reader x barca/arsenal (or like an individual) where they spend christmas alone without anyone knowing until they comeback, and when people realise they make it up to reader?

thanks! (and happy christmas and new years)

Mapi’s Huge Surprise

Warnings: Neglectful parents

Barcelona Femeni x Teen Reader

Word Count: 1,383

A/N: Merry Christmas everyone!

 

You looked at the time, 11:55 pm. About to be Christmas Day. You sighed, getting up from where you laid, to eat the rest of that gingerbread house that you built. 

You hated and loved Christmas. You loved the lights and how joyful the people got, but you hated how alone you felt every year. Your parents had never acknowledged it, but they let you walk around the neighborhood to see the lights while they partied at some coworkers place. 

Now that you were far from them, you wanted to do something big, but then you realized you didn't have any friends outside of the team, and the whole team were busy with their families. 

You were completely alone again. When midnight hit, you decided to watch some classic Christmas movies. 

—————

New Years was the same; you had also drank some wine, hoping Alexia wouldn't notice, but overall, you just enjoyed watching all your teammates stories to see what they were up to. 

Your parents had called you, wishing you a great holiday and hoping it went well for you. You just asked them what they did, and as usual, they went to a party, not bothering to ask what you did for Christmas or New Years or if you would even visit them.

—————

When Alexia came back home, you were excited and clingy. You wanted to watch a bunch of Christmas movies with her. She found it cute and agreed; even though Christmas was a week ago, she even brought up the idea to make Christmas cookies. 

It was probably the happiest Alexia had ever seen you. Apart from the mess, it was a fun day. A day you hated to see end, but at least you finally got to experience a Christmas tradition with someone that you knew cared about you. 

—————

"So, what you do for Christmas?" Lucy asked as she bumped your shoulder. "Nothing," you shrugged, drinking some of your water. Lucy frowned at that. 

"What do you mean nothing?" She asked, grabbing the water bottle from you. "I didn't do anything Lucy. I just stayed home and watched movies."

"You didn’t see your parents?" She pushed more. "Come on ladies!" Jona yelled at you guys. You quickly jogged to where the other girls were for sprints.

————

When training was over, as usual, you were the last one out the locker room, taking your sweet time. Alexia waited for you patiently, knowing if she rushed you, it wouldn't be a fun car ride for either of you. 

You had lied to Alexia about your parents coming to Barcelona, telling her that they were getting a rental where you guys would stay and that they would leave after New Year's Eve. Alexia was going to her mama's house, so you weren’t worried about getting caught lying. You felt bad for lying, but you didn't want her worrying about you. 

You noticed her expression, like she was thinking hard about something. "You okay?" You asked her, packing your bag. She nodded. 

"We have to talk." "Did I do something? I swear, I've been on top of my work, so if my teachers told you something again, they're lying," she shook her head. 

"I know you're doing good in school; your teachers have been praising you a lot lately." You smiled and followed her out to the car. She wanted to press you, but she also didn't want any awkwardness during the car ride, so she waited until you guys got home.

—————

Right when you got into the door, you tried to hurry to your room, knowing an awkward conversation was about to happen. Of course, it didn't work out.

"How was Christmas with your parents?" You froze. "Good." She looked at you, and you knew from that look that she knew you were lying. 

"Don't lie to me," you winced at her tone. "Were you here alone?" You knew you couldn't lie yourself out of this one; you nodded at her question. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, "I didn't want to be a bother." "You're never a bother Bebe. My mama loves you, you're practically another daughter to her." Alexia pulled you into a hug. 

"It's okay Alexia, I'm used to being alone on holidays, we never do anything anyway," she shook her head. "Next time you're coming with me, okay?" You nodded, and she kissed your forehead and let you go to your room.

—————

All you wanted to do was sleep; you were a teenager, so of course it was your top priority. You groaned and shoved whoever was on top of you. You heard them laugh and smack your cheeks a bit. 

You finally opened your eyes and saw Patri and Claudia with mischievous smiles. "What are you doing here?" You mumbled sleepily, closing your eyes once again. "Alexia sent us here to wake you; we have a surprise," Pina said excitedly.

"I'm too tired to get up," you told them, shoving Patri again. You felt her get off you; you got happy, thinking they would leave you alone, but of course, with this team, you would never get your way. 

"Hey!" You yelled as Pina grabbed your legs and dragged you off your bed. A huge thud sounded through the apartment as you fell. Patri quickly grabbed your arms, and they lifted you up. You tried wiggling away, but it was no use. You gave up and let them carry you. 

They set you on the floor in the middle of the living room, and there you saw all of your teammates crowded around the front door and the couch. 

"Alexia they hurt me," you whined to her. "I told you guys to get her out of bed nicely for once," Alexia scolded them. "She wouldn't get up," Patri defended, and Pina nodded along. 

"You didn't tell me we were going to have a team bonding night," you looked at Alexia offended that she didn't warn you. "It wasn't planned,” Mapi told you. 

"We got these for you" Frido told you, and you looked around and realized they all had gifts. "For what?" "What do you mean for what? For Christmas kid" Lucy told you as she threw her gift at you. 

You looked at her suspiciously, "go on, open it" She was way more excited than you. "New headphones!" You said excitedly, "Because you broke your other ones and cried about it the whole bus ride," she said. 

Aitana was about to give you hers but got shoved out of the way by Mapi. "Trust me, when you see mine, you won't want the other ones." Everyone rolled their eyes at Mapi. 

She grabbed you, and put her hands over your eyes, and led you outside. "Alexia!" You shouted, scared Mapi would pull some dumb prank on you. "I'm right here bebe" she reassured you, giving Mapi a look of confusion. 

"What did you do Mapi?" Alexia told her, seeing what she got you, but Mapi just smirked. She finally let you see, and your jaw dropped. "Holy shit" you cursed. Alexia was also too shocked to even tell you off for your language. 

A dirt bike. 

"No" Alexia told Mapi sternly. "Yes" Mapi said back. "I love you!" you shouted and tackled Mapi into a hug. 

"We can go to a trail this weekend; I have a buddy that will teach you; we just have to get you gear" she smirked and turned to Ingrid, who handed you a box. 

Your smile got bigger when you saw there was all the gear you needed. Ingrid noticed Alexia's glare. "I tried to talk her out of it, but you know how she is when she's set on something."

"Come on Alexia. Look at that smile." Mapi points to you, all happy on your dirt bike, showing it off to Patri and Pina. 

"If she gets hurt-" "she won't; trust me, in a week she'll be wanting to be competing" Alexia sighed, but let it be; there was no changing Mapi's mind, and you already seemed attached to the bike. 

—————

Mapi was right though; you were only paying attention to the bike all day. Completely forgetting you had everyone else lined up to give you their gifts. It was truly a Christmas you would never forget. 

[jiraisupportgroup]

Important Update:

It has been brought to my attention by several people that there was / is a blog that is impersonating me and posting very hateful & harmful things aimed at the jiraiblr community. This blog had a username very similar to this one (jiraiisupportgroup and then jiiraisupportgroup both with double “i”s at different points in the username) they copied my profile picture, header image, blog description, pinned post(?), and even went as far as to copy anonymous asks I have been sent and send them to themselves to reply to to create confusion and trick people into thinking that blog was me.

In light of this I want to make a few things clear:

- This blog is a side blog. It cannot follow you, it cannot like posts, and it cannot send asks. All of those things would instead link to my main blog. If any blog that looks like this one ever follows you, likes one of your posts, or sends you an ask please block them immediately.

- If this blog does get terminated for whatever reason, any back-up blogs to replace this one will be made as another side blog. So please know this warning to block any blog that looks like this one if they follow you, like one of your posts, or send you an ask will never change.

- In the event that this blog is ever terminated, the first few posts of any replacement blog will be proof that it is actually me. What this details I am not entire sure of at this exact moment, and likely will not share to avoid the case of another disgusting copy-cat.

I want to give so much thanks to @bpdgrrrl1312 @bl0odied-kittypaw @criminaldoenjangjjigae @twistedsweetheart @sakiyaki-sashimi @oneeyawn @jiraikasa-kun as well as any others I may have missed (and all the anons who contacted me) for bringing this first of all to my attention, but more importantly to everyone’s attention. Thank you all so much for spreading awareness about this impersonator, and for helping distance myself from the horrible horrible things this person was saying.

As far as I can tell at the moment it appears that the blog is deleted? (Can anyone help me confirm?) But I will keep an eye and ear out to make sure, and update everyone if they pop up again. Thank you all so much for reporting this blog while I was not online for the night T-T not only for myself but also for the jiraiblr community as a whole.

It really hurts my heart and sickens me to know that someone impersonated my blog to spew hatred and vitriol. I did not get to see a majority of the things the blog did post (I saw screenshots of maybe 2 or 3 of the posts), so I can’t even imagine what else they were saying (especially to get banned so quickly because tumblr typically does not ban accounts very fast).

If this blog targeted you or even if you had the misfortune of seeing this blog, I am so deeply sorry. Please know that no matter what this person may have said you are loved, you are important, you are valid, and you deserve to be safe and feel welcome. I truly believe that, and I am so sorry that anyone tried to make you feel otherwise.

I am sending all of you so much love and as much support as I can ♡ I know many of us are stressed going into holiday season and this whole situation did not help with that. From what I can gather you all handled it quite well and for that I am so so appreciative. ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊ love all of you so much and I am sending everyone the warmest wishes and happiest days I possibly can ♡ ♡ ♡

[asti-doodles]

Merry Christmas sheriff_crab!!!!! I'm your Ashville Secret Santa and I present you this, Ladrien smoochies~

I wish you the happiest of holidays!!!

[icallhimjoey]

eddie?! 👀 did you say EDDIE?!?! 👀👀👀👀

i DID say eddie! i had a tiny idea that fit the version of eddie ive written before (and the only version of eddie ive written before) and so... here we are. i am: so sorry. Wordcount: 6.6K

---

Let’s Go Home

(find all other parts of this story here)

“Let’s go get him.”

You sound very determined for someone completely unsure of how to handle the situation. It’s difficult to watch someone so deeply unhappy struggle with parts of their past they can’t seem to get a grip on.

“I… what?” two wet, red-rimmed eyes stare back at you. Confused. A little annoyed.

“Yea. Come on. Let’s go. We’re packing our bags and we’re going to go pick him up and bring him back here.”

Eddie doesn’t get it. Frowns, entirely unsure of who you’re talking about.

“Steve’s already here… and Wayne is coming here for Christmas, we don’t need to–…” he looks so tired.

“I know we don’t need to.”

It always happened when the days got a little shorter. When the nights got colder and Christmas loomed. When happy, wholesome family moments would be advertised all over the world, and it all became glaringly obvious – once again – how that was something Eddie never got to be a part of when he was little. Not until Wayne took him in and tried his best to make the holidays special in his own way.

No matter how hard Wayne tried, though, the bitter aftertaste of abandonment and loneliness was impossible to get rid of.

Eddie would never admit this to Wayne, but celebrating Christmas just the two of them felt just as pathetic and lonely as it had done when he lived with his parents still.

Different.

Definitely not as traumatizing, which was good.

But still dreary, and sad, with a lot of playing pretend that he was okay and happy and fine.

He was never okay and happy and fine.

Still isn’t okay and happy and fine.

That’s not Wayne’s fault, Eddie knows, and he feels like a shitty person because Wayne always tried his best. Did what he could. It just never quite worked.

Christmas would roll around, and Eddie would get depressed.

That’s just what happened.

Eddie would slip into sadness, scary thoughts intruding happy places they weren’t allowed to settle into, but he’d not yet learnt how to tell them to fuck off. To leave him alone. Didn’t know how to get the uninvited guests out of his house, and felt powerless as he watched them settle into his living room. Nothing he could do about it.

Somber, pensive moments would slowly stretch until they covered most of the day. Mornings were the happiest, still. He’d wake up after falling asleep eventually, never managing to slip into dreams before 3 AM, and for a moment, he’d forget. The short amount of sleep would have him tired enough to not remember the reality of his life for a second, and in those moments, it would just be you in bed with him and that would be the only thing in existence.

It’s awful to feel reality set into someone’s body mid-hug.

You wish you knew how to keep it out.

Over the years Eddie had learnt he had to vocalize his feelings. His thoughts. Knew that a burden shared was a burden halved, but knowing things in theory didn’t make them easier in practice.

“What can I do? Let me help.” You’d whisper, and Eddie was lucky you’d known each other for so long. There were no worried questions of are you okay, or a concerned soft hey what’s wrong.

You know he’s not okay, and you know what’s wrong.

“You, here. That’s all you need to do.” Eddie would murmur and he’d pull you in to hold you for a short while. And sometimes, that would temporarily fix him.

There is part of Eddie that honestly thinks if he doesn’t think about it, that it’ll be okay.

If he ignores it for long enough, it might go away by itself.

He’s lucky that sometimes, it does.

He pretends that the foundation of shit that he’d been given for his life hasn’t got all the cracks in. The house he has tried to build on top might shake a bit in the wind, but he can convince himself that the strong support beams that have been put in place will make sure the whole thing doesn’t collapse.

But it’s getting closer and closer to Christmas, and he’s sinking deeper and deeper into everything that’s dark, and cold, and uncomfortable, and painful, and scary.

Everything is designed to make people feel happy around this time of year, and he’s in LA where the sun shines all year long and it doesn’t even really get cold at all. Not like it gets cold in Hawkins. The days don’t really get that much shorter, and he can go outside in a T-shirt and be fine. But maybe that’s precisely the problem right now; there’s no quick get inside the house, and no let me warm your hands up for you.

The comfort of a frozen nose that get nuzzled back to life is unattainable in LA.

“Can you go to another meeting? Would that help, do you think?” you silently ask him one evening, hidden under the covers and too tired to stay awake for much longer, even though you know Eddie’s wide awake next to you. He’ll toss and turn for a couple more hours after you’ve drifted off.

“Yea, of course. I should.” Eddie is quick to reply, but you know he doesn’t want to.

Talking about his addiction with strangers when he’s trying his best to pretend it’s not there will just make things worse, he thinks. Logically, he knows it probably won’t, but there’s always that fear.

“Can I join you?”

You feel how Eddie shifts in bed, probably to take a look at you, but your eyes are closed and you’re about to fall asleep. This isn’t the time to fall into a conversation in which he asks you why on earth you would want to hear a lot of people you don’t know talk about a lot of drastic measures you don’t need to know people let themselves be pushed to sometimes.

So instead, you feel a kiss press to your temple, and he whispers, “Sure you can.”

At first, Eddie doesn’t say much in the meeting you join him for. You mostly listen to issues other people bring forward, and try to think of things you’d do if Eddie was the person speaking. If he was the one with all of those problems. How would you help?

How would you fix it?

When a kind, soft-spoken voice asks if there’s anyone new who wants to share, a lot of eyes fall on you, and you shift in your seat. Sit up a little. Feel Eddie squeeze your hand in his which could have meant, it’s okay, you can tell people why you’re here, but instead it means, I got this.

Eddie talks.

Tells everyone about how he feels like he’s deep in a depression and that he doesn’t really know how to get out of the dark pit he’s fallen into.

How it feels like he’s five years old and stuck in a small dark room, and he’s feeling all over the walls but can’t locate the light switch, and the longer he’s looking, the more he starts feeling claustrophobic in there.

You make the mistake of asking him if he can call out for help.

“Have you tried asking? Maybe someone else can turn the light on for you…”

Eddie breaks down, elbows on his knees, face hidden from the group as he looks at the wooden floor boards through his tears.

It’s not your fault.

Eddie doesn’t expect you to understand the feeling of being so utterly helpless and alone that he knows there’s no use in even trying to call for help.

No one would’ve answered.

You scoot your seat closer to his, and lean into his side as you wrap an arm around his back, fingers curling around his shoulder. It’s nice. He needs it. He also knows there’s thirteen pairs of eyes on him and he doesn’t know how to tell you that no matter how hard you’ll try, you won’t be able to actually fix anything.

“Let me turn the light on. Let Steve, or let Wayne– Robin… we can all help turn the light on. We’ll fly Wayne out, Robin too, and anyone else that you want. They can all move in, we have the space for it. Just… please, let us turn the light on, Eddie…”

It’s the fucking sweetest thing he’s ever heard, but he can reach for the light himself now. He can find it in the dark, and he can turn it on. The problem is that it doesn’t make a fucking difference.

Turning a light on now doesn’t change anything about his past.

Eddie gets asked if he has anything more to share. He sniffs and wipes his face with both his hands before he sits up and leans back and says, “Thank you, but um, no. I don’t. It’s this time of year, I guess. I know it’ll pass.”

You hold hands, fingers intertwined, as you listen to everyone else share more of their own personal issues, and when you leave Eddie puts his arm around you and pulls you close to kiss the side of your face. He tells you that he loves you, that he’s glad that he came, and he thanks you for coming with him.

You can see in his eyes that none of it helped.

Eddie lets himself sink deeper and all you can really do is be there for him. Be there when he wakes up and be there when he goes to sleep. You give him the gift of routine. Of healthy meals. Of pleasant walks outside. Long showers after.

It helps.

But it doesn’t fix anything.

You try your best at damage control. Talk to Steve. Call Wayne a lot.

And it helps.

But about two weeks later, Eddie starts isolating.

He had never isolated before.

Not like this.

He’s in his home studio, hyperfocussing on four seconds of a song he’s working on, and when you interrupt to tell him you’re going to go to bed, he says he’ll come up in a minute. He just needs to figure this bit out. “I’m so close, I can taste it.” Eddie smiles a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and for a moment you think Eddie’s going to let you listen to his work in progress. He always asks for your opinion, but this time he doesn’t. He just looks at you with a smile that’s just there for reassurance until you leave him alone.

At 5 AM you get woken up by Steve, who softly says, “You need to come downstairs…” and leads the way for you.

“I got up to pee, and the bathroom is right above the studio…”

You find Eddie in the exact same spot, going over the exact same four seconds of music.

He looks like he’s being tortured, barely able to keep his eyes open. When you gently pry the guitar from his hands, his breathing changes, and you think if he would have had the energy to sob, he would have cried like a child.

“Let’s go to bed, Eddie.”

Eddie lets you take him upstairs, but then locks himself in the bathroom and when you ask if he can let you in, all you can hear are soft sniffles whilst the shower runs.

It’s then that you decide.

Something is different this time around.

Something deeper has bubbled up, and you know whatever you are doing here, in LA, to help him simply will not be enough.

You establish a plan and pull out two suitcases that you place onto your bed. You’re going to pack your bags and you’re going to go get him.

It’s clearly necessary.

Eddie is no longer letting you comfort him and you’re scared that the next step is going to be a relapse.

“What are you doing?”

“Let’s go get him.”

“I–… what?”

Eddie hasn’t slept, and his unwashed hair is wet from the shower he’s sat in for a while, and you’re very calmly and methodically folding clothes into a suitcase. You might as well be speaking in a different language right now.

“Yea. Come on. Let’s go. We’re packing our bags and we’re going to go pick him up and bring him back here.”

Eddie slowly moves to sit down on the bed, and he looks at what you’re doing for a moment before he sighs and softly says, “Steve’s already here… and Wayne is coming here for Christmas, we don’t need to–…”

He stops speaking when he sees your slight smile.

“I know we don’t need to.” You say and Eddie doesn’t like how you look at him with so much care in your eyes. He doesn’t think he deserves it.

Doesn’t deserve you.

“Do you want to bring both of your black hoodies?” you then ask, not giving him a chance to question what’s happening, and so he just goes, “Yea… yea, sure.” before he lets himself fall backwards onto the mattress where he shuts his eyes.

You let Eddie sleep for as long as sleep will hold him. Pack up both suitcases and let Steve help you book travel back home.

“Do you want to come?” you ask when Steve is on the phone to a travel agent. He is listening to the woman who’s reading him back information he’s just given her, so he can’t answer you, but he reaches out and holds your hand whilst you listen to him book two tickets to Indiana.

When he gets off the phone he reaches for your other hand as well and says, “I’ll watch the house.”

You give him a slight frown. “You know he’d love you to come with us… Wayne says Hawkins is covered in snow. We could watch Christmas films in the trailer… get Robin and run across Lover’s Lake again… or, call Dustin and, I don’t know, Eddie could challenge him to a snow ball fight and they could play–”

“Dustin’s 26 years old.”

“Yea...” you frown at Steve. “So?” you sound desperate.

Steve huffs a laugh as he rubs his thumbs over your hands. He grimaces a little before he says, “No offense, but… he doesn’t need us out there. Of course you’ve got to go with him, but every other person is going to be one too many.”

And Steve’s right.

The next day, Steve joins you outside as you’re about to leave. He hugs Eddie for a long time by the trunk of the car, and you know they’re softly talking to each other. You can only see Eddie’s back, and Steve’s face is hidden by all of Eddie’s curls, but suddenly you can hear Eddie laugh before he pokes Steve in the side.

You get hugged next.

Eddie doesn’t sleep on the flight. Just stares out the window and gets lost in thought. You know he’s not entirely sure of why you’re taking him back to Hawkins, but he’s also not asked about it again.

When your rental car stops in front of Wayne’s trailer, you turn the engine off and sit in silence for a moment as you both just… look at it. It’s four in the afternoon, but it’s getting dark outside already.

Forest Hills.

A surprisingly large lot of land that holds about twenty-four sporadically placed trailers; some of them neatly lined up, others facing whichever way. Wayne’s trailer was one of those ones, placed diagonally to the road, surrounded by dry grass for most of the year which was now hidden by a thick layer of snow.

Momentarily, everything about the image that you’re looking at looks like it’s 1987. Maybe 1988. You can easily envision a younger version of yourself running up to that same front door, it swinging open before you could even get up the steps, Eddie bursting through just to throw you over his shoulder and haul you inside.

“We’re here...” you break the silence, stating the obvious, and find Eddie’s hand to squeeze.

It’s a little silly, but it looks like he’s scared.

“Did you tell him we were coming?”

“Wayne?”

Eddie turns to look at you, slightly confused because, yea who the fuck else?

“Yea. I called Wayne.”

You watch how Eddie takes a breath. Watch that information settle within him.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

And Eddie does. Doesn’t want to do anything without you, ever.

But he takes a shaky breath and says, “I’ll come get you in a second.” before he opens the door and gets out of the car.

Footsteps crunch in the snow, and you watch Eddie, hands in pockets, rush up the steps to what used to be the trailer that he lived in with his uncle. The trailer that he found home in when he was about seven years old and Wayne had decided that his bedroom could actually be Eddie’s bedroom instead for a while.

A while turned into fifteen years in the blink of an eye.

You watch Eddie hug Wayne through the window. It’s another long embrace, but this one doesn’t part with boyish grins and jabbing fingers. Instead, you can see how Eddie goes limp in Wayne’s arms a little, and when he goes to pull back, Wayne just… holds on.

Just a little longer.

It feels a little wrong to be watching them like this, chin perched on the steering wheel, fingers hidden in your sleeves. It feels especially invasive when you see how when they eventually part, the first thing both men do is bring their sleeves to their faces to dry what has become wet.

Then, Eddie steps away. Slowly walks towards the room that used to be his bedroom, and he goes alone.

Good, you think.

That’s good.

Wayne didn’t understand at first, when you told him over the phone. That you were coming over for a strange, but important visit. But this was good.

It takes a while.

Your fingers start to lose their feeling a little as you wait in the car, but it’s fine. You are not the priority right now.

When Eddie eventually emerges from the trailer, you get out of the car, and wait for him to call for you. A, come on. Come inside. It’s fucking freezing out here.

Instead, you get silence. Eddie doesn’t stop walking to wave you over.

He makes his way all the way over to where you’re stood next to the car, and then, he hesitates for a moment.

Eddie can’t look you in the eye.

“Everything okay?”

You know it’s not.

“He um…” Eddie starts, voice trembling. “He’s not here.”

“What?”

Eddie moves closer to place a kiss to your temple, eyes looking away, over the top of the car, across the trailer park. “He’s not here. I didn’t find him.”

Eddie steps around you and gets into the passenger seat, and for a moment, you stand with both shoes in slush whilst you try to think of what to do next. When you look back at the trailer, you catch Wayne through he window. Gives you a smile and a wave.

For a moment you contemplate running over, up those same steps, to ask what happened inside. Maybe Wayne has answers to questions you keep asking yourself.

Before you can, Eddie roars the engine back to life.

You give Wayne a wave back from where you’re stood and round the car to get into the passenger’s seat. You can talk to Wayne later.

Back inside the car, you put your seatbelt on and look at Eddie for a moment. He’s got one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the gearshift, and he’s biting his lip as he stares into space.

“If he’s not here…” you start pensively.

“It’s quite the drive.” Eddie answers, unmoving.

“We have the time.”

“I don’t think we’d make it back here before midnight.”

“Hey,”

Eddie turns his head to look at you.

“We have time.” You repeat yourself and place your hand on the back of his head where you softly scratch your fingers into his hair. “You good to drive?”

You don’t get an answer. Instead, Eddie puts the car in reverse and starts backing out. Just before he’s about to fully leave Forest Hills Trailer Park, he stops the car, even though there’s no traffic to wait for.

“I can drive if you want me to–”

“N-no, that’s not it. I can drive, but I…”

Eddie stares. Looks at his hands and just sits in silence, going through it. Then suddenly, he takes his seatbelt off, opens his door and quickly says, “I’ll be right back.” and he runs.

Left in a car with a running engine and a wide open door, you turn in your seat to watch Eddie’s breath leave him in white clouds as he runs back to the trailer, back up the steps, back inside. You’re too far away to see in the windows now.

It only takes a minute.

When he comes back, jogs down those steps in the snow, he looks a little lighter somehow. Like running back towards the car is a little easier.

Eddie gets back in the car, and he’s all loud inhales and rough exhales, hands rubbing together because it’s cold and he just ran through the snow, but then he looks at you as he puts on his seatbelt and he smiles.

There’s tears in his eyes, but he’s smiling.

“Had to tell him it’s okay. That I’m okay.”

Somehow, Eddie is beaming and solemn at the same time, but you’re happy that something has changed a little. That he seems to get it. You sink into your seat a bit more when Eddie pulls onto the road and starts heading south.

Eddie told you once, years ago, that he used to live in a motel before he came to Hawkins. How that’s all his parents could afford, and even then, they were always fighting with the front desk about money. Always late on payments.

It was just one big room, and even though it was just him, his mother and sometimes his dad, there were always people in their room. Strangers. Friends, his mother would tell him. Sometimes she’d even tell him, this is your Uncle Frank, and Eddie would be forced to shake the hand of a man he had never seen before and would never see again.

Eddie spent a lot of his early childhood confused.

He spent a lot of his childhood hiding.

Afraid.

Alone.

He wouldn’t ever trust anyone. People told him one thing and then they would laugh together and they would do something else.

Adults were evil, and yet the world was made so that adults were the ones that had to look after him. That made the decisions. That told him, go play outside, even if rain was coming down hard, and Eddie would have no other choice but to listen. To do as he was told.

He was only a little kid.

When Eddie was seven years old, he got kicked out of the room at eight in the morning and got told to not come back until they were ‘ready for him’.

Like he knew what that meant.

No one had told him how to tell time.

Eddie didn’t go to school.

But he knew that being sent outside meant that he had to go find his own entertainment for a while, and so he did.

Eddie was seven years old when he came back around lunch time with skinned knees and grass stains in his shorts, and there was commotion.

Lots of people.

People in uniforms.

A cop car.

A kind woman who asked him if he had lost his way. If she could help him get home. Eddie had just smiled and said, no thanks, and had tried to hide in the spot where he always hid. Adults were not to be trusted, Eddie knew. No matter how kind they looked.

Eddie was seven years old when he got pulled from his safe space, his little hiding spot, kicking and screaming, and got brought over to Wayne’s trailer. He’d never been back to that motel room again. Had never even gotten close.

The sun has fully set by the time you pull up outside of an old, run down motel that looks like it should’ve been torn down ages ago. Most windows are boarded up, paint on the walls is chipping and what used to be a light-up sign has been torn down.

It’s a dump.

Just trying to imagine someone growing up here has you choking up.

Little four-year-old Eddie running around these grounds? In dirty clothes too big for his body because nobody was feeding him right? Being exposed to things no child should ever be exposed to, simply because his bedroom was also the only room they had?

Before you can let it make you cry, you hear a faint chuckle beside you.

It’s small and weak, but it’s a chuckle none the less.

“I remember this place much bigger,” he says, like it’s funny. “There’s only like… seven rooms.” Eddie counts.

You’re momentarily unsure if coming here was a good idea. If facing this reality of his past is going to be doing him any good. If it won’t just break him down even more. But then Eddie turns to look at you and says, “Come, let me show you.”

Eddie visiting the place where he spent the first few years of his life turns into him giving you a surprisingly pleasant tour of the grounds. He recounts the other people that lived there, the rooms he wasn’t allowed into. How there used to be a soda machine here, and how sometimes the older kids would ask him to get them some cans for free, because his arms were small and skinny enough to just sneak them out the bottom.

It’s easy to skim the surface of this place like this.

To make it about showing you around instead of sinking down past the layers of self-protection that would have him walking around here with wobbly legs.

Yea.

This is easier. Better.

All of the doors are locked, but it doesn’t take much more than a good shove of a shoulder for the locks to give way. For the wood of the doorframes to splinter.

“Entering the Forest Hills way.” Eddie grins, and you suppress a smile. It’s a lie. Forest Hills is full of all honest, all hard-working people. But, it’s still a trailer park, and thus, the joke is funny.

Without much care, Eddie easily manages to open every door he comes across. It’s dark everywhere you go, none of the lights work, but the streetlights out front provide you with plenty of it, and your eyes quickly adjust.

Eddie shows you the laundry. Breaks into a little back office. A supply closet. Some other motel rooms - some that had semi-permanent guests staying there too, just like he used to be one. And some that would have overnight guests that didn’t know about the draft that would make the door slam so hard, you’d lose your fingers if they got caught in between.

It’s almost joyful, how Eddie talks about his memories. He hasn’t got many, he was so young, but every time he comes across something he remembers, he seems pleasantly surprised at his brain’s ability to bring it all back to him.

But then, when you eventually stop outside room number five, he pauses.

Stops.

Stares at the doorknob.

You can feel how his entire demeanor changes, and even though it’s painful to witness, you know that this is why you came here. This is the whole reason you drove all the way out here.

Eddie takes a good, deep breath but doesn’t move otherwise. Just keeps his eyes locked on a rusty old doorknob to a locked door of a room that probably looks exactly like all the other ones Eddie had already shown you.

“Is this where you lived?” you ask, doing your best to make your voice sound as neutral as possible. You don’t want to scare him off. Don’t want to trigger something.

Eddie nods, a barely-there up and down movement of his head, and then he goes for the doorhandle, rattles it weakly.

Keeps staring at it.

“Door’s locked.” He croaks, like that had been a problem for any of the other doors.

But it does make sense.

You understand that the person who opened up all those other doors was Eddie in his thirties, showing you around.

The person staring at the doorknob now, was Eddie as a child.

Afraid to go inside, unsure of what he was going to find there.

Not strong enough.

Maybe only just tall enough to even reach.

But, you were strong.

You had witnessed how a little force had gone a long way with these locks, and after giving Eddie a second to maybe ask for help, because God, you really wanted him to realize he could just ask for help, he doesn’t ask for shit, and you decide to take matters into your own hands.

Before Eddie even registers you taking a few steps back to get a running start, the wood of the door has already split from the blow of your shoulder.

“Oh my G–” Eddie jumps, both arms reaching out to grab at you and to pull you close. He makes sure he holds you where you ran into the door, large palm cupping over the curve of your shoulder, and he rubs the skin there. Which helps, because, you’re not really hiding the fact that Jesus fuck that fucking hurt very well.  

Despite the sting, there’s a moment where you both see the humor in what just happened, and looking at each other, you both let huffs of laughter escape you.

“Are you crazy? What you do that for, huh?” Eddie pretend scolds.

You shrug, “Forest Hills way.”  

The comedic relief is so welcome, but it’s short-lived. You see from up close how Eddie’s expression drops. He goes from looking at his insane girlfriend with all the love he’s got for her spilling from his eyes, to looking over your head into the dark room where he used to live, and it all slips away.

You wait by the door.

Want Eddie to do this alone because you think it’ll be better that way.

You also truly don’t know what to do, so it feels a little safer to just… wait outside. You wouldn’t know how to help anyway.

Just like when you were outside of Wayne’s trailer, it feels a little invasive to look at Eddie as he silently takes slow steps inside and looks around. At the same time, you can’t really look away. If he’s going to break down and fall to his knees, you want to be there within a second to pick him back up.

Eddie trails slow fingers along a dresser.

Takes careful steps towards a nightstand of which he opens and then closes the drawer.

“Huh…” he comments. Looks around the full room again, sees it in different light as he stands in another corner, the lights from outside showing him different parts of the room.

He disappears into the bathroom for a moment before he steps back out, and he looks… confused.

Surprised, maybe. A little dumbfounded.

He gives the room another glance, and then turns to find you watching him in silence.

“This is really weird,” Eddie comments, both eyebrows raised.

“Yea? How so?”

“I don’t know… it’s different. It’s not like I remember. I think… I don’t know, I think my mind made this room the most terrible place ever in the world, but it’s just… it’s just a room. There’s nothing…” Eddie twirls on the spot, “Yea, it’s just a room. Nothing’s… nothing is scary.”

You swallow audibly, and hesitate before you speak.

“It’s not scary.” Eddie concludes again before you can say anything, and he raises both shoulders at you in a long shrug, like he’s trying to convince you that it’s all right.

You’re not the one who needs convincing though.

“Is, um…” you start, and you clear your throat, entirely unsure of how Eddie is going to react to your question.

After visiting Wayne, you think he gets it now.

He gets why you took him back to Indiana.

Eddie has let his eyes fall on a weird piece of wall art he doesn’t remember, something that maybe they added to the room after his parents had been kicked out, and he’d been taken away to go live somewhere safer.

“Is he here?”

“Huh?”

“Is he in here, somewhere?”

It takes a moment of Eddie looking at you before he fully registers what you’re talking about.

His gaze drifts towards the closet next to the bathroom door.

It’s shut. Both bifold doors closed.

Eddie stalls for a moment, and then he raises an arm to open one of the doors before he drops it by his side again.

The closet’s empty.

It seemingly comes from nowhere, the way your lips suddenly quiver. How your eyes well up with tears so quickly. You have to cover your mouth with your hand to remain silent; this isn’t about you.

Eddie is slowly taking it all in, looks around the inside of the closet. The stains in the carpet. The peeling wallpaper. The mismatched hangers, a couple plastic ones amongst a couple more wire ones. And then he looks up and finds the the little yellowed piece of string that hangs down from way up high.

He reaches up and pulls it.

An audible click is heard.

Nothing changes though.

No light springs on.

Eddie pulls it again. Softly smiles. Pulls it a couple more times.

Click, click.

Click, click.

Nothing happens.

You’re about to burst with a violent sob when you see how Eddie, entirely in his own thoughts, inside of his own memories, slowly steps into the closet and closes the door behind him.

You hear the clicking of the light a couple more times, and need to step away.  

It’s too much.

The visuals of a tiny little malnourished Eddie hiding in a closet unable to reach the string of the light in there is going to make you hyperventilate if you’re not careful, so you have to take a walk.

It’s fucking freezing but hot tears trail down your cheeks as you hurry back to your rental car.

It doesn’t take much longer for Eddie to step outside, leaving the place where he spent the first few years of his life. His long legs carry him over to you quickly.

You can tell that he’s holding back sobs until he’s close enough to crash himself into you.

Arms wrap so tightly, they almost hurt. Bodies wrack with silent sobs until deep breaths calm the both of you down.

It takes a good while.

Eddie is first to pull back, and whilst cupping your face, both his thumbs wiping underneath your eyes in a bid to rid you of your tears, he manages to squeak, “Found him.”

“Yea?” you ask wetly. Hopeful.

This is why you came out here.

To find the small version of Eddie who, even as a toddler, knew that calling out for help was a waste of time because the calls would go unanswered.

To take him home.

“Turned on the–” Eddie throat closes up before he can even say it.

“Turned on the light for him?” you finish for him, and he just nods as he presses his lips together to keep them from wobbling.

Eddie goes in for another hug, hides his face in the side of your neck and grounds himself there.

You can feel how he’s actively trying to steady his own breathing.

It works, eventually.

“Did you…” you start, still holding him, but falter for a moment.

“Did I what?” Eddie asks, sniffing loudly, pulling back after you nudge your nose into his hair.

“Did you take him with you?”

It’s such a silly question. Eddie can’t help the smile that carefully plays at the corner of his mouth, and his eyebrows scrunch up as he looks down at you. He can dissect the question that pops up in the back of his brain for the fourth time today another time. How can he even begin to figure out why he deserves someone like you in his life?

“I did.” He confirms, and you let the breath you were holding escape you in a shudder.

He doesn’t think he deserves you.

“Good.” you smile, and maybe things are starting to look up, a little. Maybe the universe is slowly starting to make amends with Eddie. Is starting to apologize for all the shit it put little Eddie through in this godforsaken place no one should spend more than a single night at.

“Let’s take him home then.”

Eddie cries.

Thought he was done, but he’s not.

He lets you press kisses to the skin just underneath his eyes as he closes them.

He lets you open the car door and help him into the passenger’s seat.

Lets you drive all the way back to Wayne’s whilst he cries, because this is the second time little Eddie makes this trip, from the motel to Forest Hills. But this time he’s not scared.

He knows he’s going to go to a better place.

A safer place.

To a person who will try his very best hand at proper damage control. Who’s got a nice trailer, and a room that will get turned into his own bedroom three days into his stay.

To a person who will join Eddie in the closet for those first few nights. Who will just bring him food in there, have their dinner hidden away together, and who won’t force him out.

Who will play silly games with him in there, until the trips to the bathroom feel safe enough to do on his own.

There’s never other people in the trailer.

Just them.

Safe.

Eddie cries as he remembers more. Thought he had forgotten almost everything, but he remembers so much. He can’t talk about anything yet. Not now. His voice won’t let him. But that’s okay. You’ve got the radio on and need to focus on the road, and you’re taking him back to Wayne, and all he really wants to do is sleep.

And you just drive, and hold Eddie’s hand as he clings to you, and this is good.

It’s good.

Little Eddie deserves the fucking world.

You think so.

And you know of a handful of people who would wholeheartedly agree.

Slowly, you think Eddie might start to understand where you’re coming from.

He was never okay and happy and fine.

Still isn’t okay and happy and fine.

But the light has been switched on.

There’s light now.

He might one day be okay and happy and fine, and that’s something that before today was the most difficult thing to grasp.

“We’re taking you home, kiddo. I got you.” Eddie whispers, soft enough so only he can hear it over the engine and the music coming from the radio.

“Let’s go home.”

---

The Taglisted

@almightywdm, @alwayslindie, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @dailyobsession

@eddies-puppet, @elvendria, @emma-munson, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee

@ferfan14, @figmentofquinn, @gri959, @hazelenys, @joesquinns

@keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @kravitzwhore, @lovelyblueness, @loves0phelia

@mandyjo8719, @munsonluvrr, @munsonssweets, @nadixq, @niallersfreckles

@notverywise, @overthinking-raccoon, @pepperstories, @pinchofhoney, @readergf

@royale1803, @sherrylyn0628, @shizlac, @solzi1420, @songforeddiemunson

@sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow

@witchwolflea, @xxladymjxx, @yunirgo

Add yourself