#wishing everyday for house to be sane

[ihopeicanchangethislater05]

[fl4r3z]

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡. 𝐈 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

(𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜, 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫?)

𝐘𝐮𝐭𝐚 (乙骨 憂太) 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Yandere! Yuta Okkotsu, AFAB! Reader, smut MDNI!, Cheating, Cunnilingus, P in V, Jealousy, Stalking, Dark Themes, Somnophilia, Non-con, Dead body, Cum

𝐀/𝐍: Hi my super awesome babies :3 I'm back after dying and i wanna feed you all with a Yuta fic :3 didn't specify any looks for 'boyfriend' so you can insert a character or so!

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▯▯▯▯▯▯ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭? 𝐘𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐞𝐬.

Your eyes were gleaming under the moonlight, looking like beautiful pieces of glass. It had been a month since you and Yuta Okkotsu had broken up with each other. It was late into the relationship when you realized how possessive and manipulative of a man he was.

You and Okkotsu met under the terms of working together. You both engaged a wonderful team, leading to both of you sharing feelings with one another. Yuta was an absolute sweetheart, he'd do anything for you and your sake. He made sure that everything you want, you get. And of course, he gave you an absolute wonderful sex life.

You were blinded by his sweetness and innocent gaze that you didn't realize what troubles were waiting for you. You thought he was everything you had wished for your entire life.

But lately then, you had realized just how possessive he was. And by the means of that, meaning he scolds you for talking to a cashier of an opposite gender. It irritates him, saying only he should be able to look and speak to you. He wants to control everything you do. And that's where everything goes wrong.

Every day with Yuta Okkotsu felt like hours with him ranting about all of the people staring at you, it makes him so irritated. Only he was allowed to admire you. You eventually realized everything and talked to him into breaking up. You could've swore you saw tears streaming down his 'innocent' eyes. He was begging you not to leave him.

But you knew nothing could have changed your mind anymore, you knew you still loved him. But his actions make it so hard to continue your love for him. You hated it.

So then here you were in your apartments balcony, with your so called new 'boyfriend'. Yeah,— you love him, yes. But mostly of the reason was to forget Yuta. You met him when you first moved into your apartment.

But still,— a part of your mind lingers around Yuta. You still couldn't get your mind out of him despite it being a month, and you have a boyfriend already. Maybe you still love him, you've sometimes wondered if he'd already found someone else to manipulate. You often found yourself laying onto your bed often thinking about what Yuta was into right now.

You weren't mindful enough though, the way how Yuta would watch you from your windows, watching every step you make. It makes him sane, you make him sane. He watched you cook, sleep, shower and go so far to even watch you pleasure your self. It makes his cock ache.

Of course, Yuta takes lovely pictures of your body. It was the least he could do. He pastes it on his board, only to see it after waking up. Oh, it makes his cock ache so hard for you. He misses the way your soft walls hugs his desperate cock, because he knows only he could do it.

Yuta had memorized your routine for everyday, like how you act during the day, the time you leave, and even the sound of your floors creaking when you step on them. If people were to be asked about your house, Yuta would be able to answer all of them in less than a second or so.

He thinks watching you is on top of his priorities, he wastes no time when it comes to you.

And that's why he's infront of you, in your room. His eyes were glimmering into the dark room only lit by the moonlight from your windows. Your body was highlighted by tints of the Moon Shine, it was mermerizing, the way your body was so magestic even when done so fucking effortlessly.

He was examining you, and how sweet you seemed like with your body asleep. Oh, how he missed seeing this. He wanted to make you his once again. He wants you around his finger like a puppet. He promises to never let you go once he lays his hands on you again.

He grabs his camera carefully, trying not to wake you. He snaps a picture, adds it into his gallery, — '(Name) (Name) (Name)'. 2,429 photos. Oh if you only knew how much he admires you. You'd never want to leave his side ever again..

"I missed you." He muttered. "And i know you miss me too."

He was slowly approaching your bed, sitting at the edge, engaging your beautiful face. His hands found their way into your thighs, then your lower abdomen. He wants to feel you so, so much, he doesn't wanna hold back anymore.

He looks at you ever so intense with his eyes gleaming lust. He looks at your face, then at your clothed pussy. He moves towards your neck, giving it feather light kisses. Your eyes were fluttering, Yuta hopes that you were feeling him.

He moves towards your lower abdomen, lifting your shirt up, enough to reveal your stomach. He trails his lips against your abdomen, moving towards between your thighs.

Grabbing the hem of your shorts, he pulls it aside, revealing your pussy to him. Turning his face closer, he licks your cunt. He'll never get tired of your taste. Pulling away, he starts pulling your shorts carefully not to wake you up.

He noticed that your eyes were fluttering, he stops, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. He slightly wants you to wake up with him between your legs just eating you out.

He starts gliding his tongue onto your cunt followed by feather light kisses. Hearing you gasp because of his actions makes him ache so hard. Trying his best to contain himself from cumming in his pants, he decides to unzip his pants.

Just the tip right? Atleast to pleasure himself. He unzips his pants, pulling his aching cock out and lines it against the entrance of your pussy. He strokes it a few times then pressing the tip inside.

He could hear you mewl and it makes him ache harder.

You started fluttering your eyes open and your gaze was set into Yuta. "Yuta?! What are you-" You were cut off with him slamming his hands on your mouth.— "Shh, (name) please be quiet.." Yuta mutters in your ears, " just, once please.. "

Yuta thrusted inside you fully, making you yelp muffled in his hands.— "please please let me feel you (name) " Yuta was pleading. But dear god, you were fantasizing about this, albeit having a boyfriend. You couldn't help but think about Yuta.

But of course you weren't going to tell that to Yuta straightly.

Yuta starts to move slowly, making you gasp for the sudden movements. All of his plans were all going accordingly. You'll finally be his again.— He starts gaining the pace, he was whimpering, not loud but enough to hear from the other room.

Yuta’s movements are almost desperate and your skin feels on fire when the pleasure races through you. you hear his own quiet moans, almost lost between smacks and skin slapping noises and your thighs tremble as your hips stutter. Every desperate thrust of his makes your cunt start squelching loudly.

Your back arches, lapping onto Okkotsu's chest. He takes the chance to mark your shoulders. Now they'll know you're his. He takes his hands away from your mouth so that he could hear your pretty voice.

"h-holy shit, Yuu.." your voice was trembling and you were stuttering.

“you sound so, so pretty..(Name)“ he hums before he’s deliberately thrusting on a much faster pace, like he’s trying to force more of those sweet sounds out of you, only for him. He keeps up the same pace and almost whining loudly. "you prefer me m-more than him now right? tell me yes pleaseplease.."

"yes, Yuu!" You could feel yourself about to orgasm sooner or later. It's just too good. Yuta could feel you clench on him so hard, he already knew you were close, so he started pounding faster.

"fuck.. m'close!"— He finishes inside, and you both finished together. He pulls out, and falls stomach flat into you.

"(name)— be mine again. Please!" His pleading was enough to convince you.

But what about your 'boyfriend'? You never knew. He never texted nor greeted you ever since that day. Maybe you felt guilty, but Yuta knows exactly what happened. He just wants to reassure you never find out, or you might stop loving him.

Oh how much Yuta loves you, give him everything he needs and he'll be on his knees, i promise.

©fl4r3z all projects belong to me.

[desublimitate]

« As long as you come home at the end of the day »

➻ synopsis: Geto has been struggling with his mental health, being a curse eater is slowly breaking him as is his loss of hope in the sorcerers society. The only comfort he can find is in the arms of his roommate

➻ word count: 2000 words

➻ tags: Geto X Reader(gender neutral), hurt/comfort, fluff, sleeping together, dorm

➻ warnings: safe for minors, mentions of mental distress, eating disorders and self harm

A house is like a heart: it has rooms and hallways.

And a house can rot and fall apart, just like hearts can break and shatter.

You could breathe the decay and the despair everytime you stepped into your academy room.

It took weeks to convince old Yaga to let you and Suguru share dorms, for you just couldn’t bare the idea of him locked away with his thoughts. He wasn’t the same since the last mission, everyone could tell.

The Suguru Geto that agreed on protecting that girl for the noble Tengen wasn’t the same that came back. It seemed like he kept seeing her dying before his eyes over and over on loop.

You could hear him scream at night, when he got woken by the recurring nightmare that was haunting him: he kept hearing the gunshot, the smile freezing on that girl face before going blank.

Her body falling like a rag at his feet. He couldn’t save her, he was there with his hand stretched to grab hers and yet he saw the young life and all the future hopes leaving her eyes when the lights went out. He came back to the academy dragging shadows and curses like chains around his ankles.

For a moment he believed that he lost Gojo as well, but Satoru always rose back up, and that seemed to be what broke him.

Gojo was invincible, you could slash his body and he would still rise stronger than before, that young girl didn’t even have a chance, she couldn’t even fight for her life.

She didn’t even notice her life ending, while Gojo Satoru wasted his privilege with his pride.

There was nothing to be proud of, Geto thought, it was easy for Gojo to chant his own glorious gests when he wasn’t there when an innocent, lonely and defenceless girl’s brain matter got splattered on his uniform.

Gojo wasn’t there.

Geto was, and when they came back, there was a spark in his hazel eyes that it wasn’t there before.

A spark of resentment.

The door slammed and you thanked all the gods that would listen to your prayers for that sound of cracking wood, for each crack meant that Suguru came back home. One day more, that was all you begged for, just one day more everyday, one crack more on the door.

‘Just come back home to me’.

-Suguru?-

He didn’t reply, his feet were dragging on the floor.

Your eyelids were as heavy as ever and dark circles were forming under your eyes for all the nights you spent awake waiting for him to return from a daily mission or just for staying at his side during those nightmares.

Screams, sweat and chills, you wished there was a way for all of it to stop, but the best you could do was being there, being his safe haven at the end of the day, when Suguru embraced your waist you knew that your physical contact was the only anchor he had to remain sane.

You heard the shower opening, warm steam coming out of the bathroom so you decided to step out of bed, your guts just knew that that night something was different. Suguru’s black wide trousers and his jacket were abandoned on the floor, his shoes upside down.

That night must have gone worse than before.

-Suguru...-

The scene displayed before your eyes was heart-wrenching.

Suguru Geto, one of the strongest sorcerers ever existed, was kneeling on the floor, his arms up on the wall while scorching hot water rained on him. His skin was reddening, burning.

You could count his ribs and see his spine, he had lost so much weight in the last weeks it started worrying the headmaster.

He was trying to let himself die, Geto was starving himself and burning his skin hoping at some point his body would give up, and so it would all come to an end.

You rushed towards him, closing the shower, crying his name –Suguru!- As you lift him from his underarms, it doesn’t matter how tall he is compared to you he lost all his towering appeal.

There is nothing more heart-breaking than seeing a god lose faith in himself.

When someone infinite and might like Suguru Geto collapsed, you swore you felt the Earth stopping its rotation.

He grabbed your arms, his long delicate fingers wrapping them whole, he held on to you as you kneeled in front of him, you just couldn’t care less about getting your night clothes wet. He didn’t make a sound, his beautiful eyes were wide open who knows where. Who knows what they saw, you wished you could see through his eyes, so that he could share his sorrows and didn’t have to carry all the weight of his world on his shoulders. You wished you could take all that pain through Geto’s touch.

-I’m here, you are safe. Suguru, you are safe-

Your forehead touched his and some raven strings of hair fell on his face, only for you to tuck back behind his ear

–You are safe- You kept repeating –Nothing can hurt you now, it’s all over. I’m so proud of you, you have been amazing, Suguru-

What world were you living in, if it allowed Geto’s beauty to fade? Roses died in winter but with the new Sun they would open their buds again, you weren’t sure whether your Geto’s beauty would reflorish.

Your mind travelled to Satoru’s room, was he also in the shower? Was he perhaps singing himself songs while savouring another victory? Was he already in dream land safe from nightmares? Did he even notice Suguru’s breaking next to him? No, Gojo could never know what it felt like, what it tasted like. Gojo could never know what it felt like living with curses flowing in your system, mixing with your stomach juices, their aftertaste forever printed in your saliva. Breathing the taste of curses as you woke in the morning.

No, the perfect son of the Gojo clan, the Six Eyes child only knew light, darkness was left for those lesser of him.

-Tell me what can I do, please. Just say something, I beg you- Suguru’s brown eyes blinked for the first time

–Stay- His voice hoarse, venom eating his throat.

-I’m here, Suguru. I am not going anywhere. We can stay here all night long if you need it, but I’m not letting you burn yourself-

Geto coughed –I feel them on my skin, I want to burn them, they are on me walking all over me like roaches- His pupils stretched like needles.

You caressed his back, his soft skin, flawless and pale. You traced galaxies with his beauty spots and his scars

–I promise you there is nothing on you, I would never let them touch you, your skin is untouched. You will catch a cold if you stay wet for too long, here, let me help you- Slowly you stood up, following the pace of Geto’s long legs.

He hunched and almost crushed you with his weight when let out a loud cry, one of those cries that hurt your chest.

Geto screamed with his head on your shoulder, the power of his cry made your skin shiver, like vibrations on water. As Geto finally lets go of all his pain, you took the chance of damping his silky black hair with a soft towel.

It smelled of clean, of talcum, warm from the washing machine just for his return.

-It’s so soft, isn’t it?- You comforted him, caressing his head, making sure no spot of his huge body remained wet.

For a moment, you believed you sensed him nod.

-I got your favourite pajamas too, do you want to try laying down?- This time you clearly felt his forhead nod on your shoulder.

You held Geto’s hands walking him back to the bedroom, like a child afraid of monsters under his bed. Only that Geto had monsters in his insides.

-Lift your arms- He didn’t reply, just obeyed as he let you dress him for the night. Once he would have filled that white t-shirt, but as you passed his arms through it, you realized that it’s now bigger of at least three sizes. Geto was disappearing in his clothes.

-If there is anything, literally anything, that you feel comfortable eating, I would fly to the other side of the world to grab it for you, okay?-

Suguru sat on the bed, let himself fall on the back. -You don’t have to do all of this, it’s only a burden- Said Suguru, ashamed to look at your face.

-Look, if it was a burden, I would have stopped long ago-

-Why are you even doing all of this? You are barely sleeping-

-Why do you think I’m doing it?- He knew the answer, because that’s the same answer he would give.

-I am having very dark thoughts, you know?-

-And you know that you can share all of them with me, I won’t run away-

-I’m afraid that if I told you, or Satoru, bad things would happen- You cuddled up, crossing your legs with his and hugging his side

–I don’t know Satoru as good as you do, he is an arrogant prick but I don’t believe he is stupid, he just needs his six eyes opened sometimes. I am sure he would understand. I would understand. There is absolutely nothing in the world that you could say that would make me run away from you, Suguru Geto-

He smiled and kissed your nose –Never ever?-

You rubbed your nose against his, straight and perfect –Never ever. I love you, Suguru. In good and bad times-

-Now that sounds like a wedding vow- Geto smirked.

-Well at least it brightened you up!-

-I’m sorry I’m putting this on you, I promise it will stop-

Your fingers were playing with his hair –I don’t need any apologise, as long as you come home to me at the end of the day, in whatever shape you do, I will be welcoming you with open arms, warm towels and soft blankets-

Geto nudged his head on your chest, his favourite sleep position, his arms as always around your waist –Don't you ever think that there could be a way to stop all of this? The curses, everything-

You kissed his head, didn’t reply.

-I wonder if it will be ever enough, what we do? If what we are doing isn’t actually useless and we are just wasting time and powers? Sorcerers are dying but spirits and curses keep growing in number. I don’t think I like this world, my love-

-I don’t like this world either. I don’t like a world that swallows his strongest sons. I don’t like a world that forces you to eat its curses. Of course I think of a way to put all of this to an end. I think about it everytime you leave, not knowing if you will return to me, and everytime I see you crying and scratching your throat at night. If I could end this for you, I would have done it long ago-

Geto raised his head, on his face there is a surprised expression –If I found a way, it would make the sorcerers society collapse, we would lose this-

-Remember these words: I love you, Suguru Geto, and I would follow you to the end of the world, I would sacrifice this wretched world if I was sure that I could stay like this, with you in my arms. I love you, even the darkness you carry. You are not alone, you are never alone. Come back to me, Suguru Geto. Your smiles, your wittiness. I miss all of this, if this world stole you from me I would come and find you in the pits of hell. Come back to me, Suguru-

By the time you finished talking, Geto’s breathe was heavier and regular, on your chest. He was breathing on you, almost giving you life through his own cursed oxygen. His forehead was relaxed so you kissed it one last time. -I love you, Geto-

[kissorkill16]

When We Were Once Happy: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: A story before Trinity moved to Raven Brooks.

Epilogue

A month and a half went by since Aaron and Mya's disappearance, A.K.A. possible murder. Mr. Peterson came up with this lie that they mysteriously went missing, and had everyone in Raven Brooks fooled.

At school, everyone pretend like Aaron and Mya never existed in the first place. Especially Aaron. Everyone seemed to be happy that he was gone, considering all the people he's pranked and threatened over the years before Nicky moved to Raven Brooks.

Regardless, Nicky missed them a lot.

Everyday, he wished he could go back to the days. Where Aaron and Mya were still here, where Mr. Peterson was still sane, where Diane was still alive, where Lucy was still alive.

When they were all once happy.

Nicky remembered it all like it happened yesterday.

Ever since he's come up with the conclusion that Mr. Peterson was a killer, ever since he's tried telling everyone he thought would listen, everyone's been avoiding him like the plague.

Nicky destroyed his reputation within the span of just a few months, with everyone thinking he was crazy for thinking that a man like Mr. Peterson could murder his own children.

The only place where he could go where he felt like he was wanted was the Inventor's Club, but even they were starting to get fed up with him, but he didn't care, he'd do whatever it took to get people to listen.

Every day, Nicky would sneak into the Peterson house and try to find evidence of a murderer, and he had recently found out that the mysterious crying was coming from his basement. So now he thought that he was hiding the bodies in the basement.

Every time he broke into his house, his only thought was getting into the basement and finding that evidence. However, Mr. Peterson always caught him snooping and always chased him out.

Mr. Peterson never chased him past his property line. Nicky found it weird, but it gave him an advantage.

One particular day, Mr. Peterson had caught him once again, trying to break into the basement. Nicky was desperate for a place to hide, and Mr. Peterson was right behind him. Luckily, he found an unlocked door, and an open window.

But before he could get out, the window shut and its metal doors shut.

"No!", Nicky nearly screamed as he banged on the window, he turned around to see Mr. Peterson, and the man didn't look happy.

This was always the scary part for Nicky. Looking at the man he once thought of as a second father, who was now a psychotic man and possible murderer. He let out a scream, bracing himself for the inevitable death.

Mr. Peterson lunged forward at him, reaching out a gloved hand to grab the kid, but something inside Nicky made him jump and stomp on his hand, making Mr. Peterson jump back, far enough for Nicky to run towards the door.

He ran to the living room, and started climbing up the chimney. He didn't know if he'd actually get out, considering going up the chimney was a whole lot easier than going down it, but he could practically feel Mr. Peterson gaining on him.

As he finally made it to the rooftop, he slid down the roof, stopping at the metal pipes, and letting out a silent sigh of relief.

Then he spotted someone in the corner of his eye. It was another family and a real estate agent, it looked like she was trying to sell his old house to the nice family.

Why? Didn't she or anyone else know that his grandmother died in there?

He prayed that the family would find out that someone died in there, and is possibly haunting that house, and they would move far away from here.

He didn't have time to think about that now, right now, he just wanted to get away from this house, and away from Mr. Peterson to plot his next plan.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Hi :3 I read your Ezekiel x reader and I was sooo happy! I wanted to ask if you could do a second part to the Ezekiel x yandere reader xP thank you and your writing is soooooo good!!!!!

Hiyaaa!💗 Thank you so much for complimenting my writing! I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed the first Ezekiel x reader! I hope you enjoy this part two!❤️

EZEKIEL X YANDERE! HOUSEWIFE! READER HEADCANONS (PART 2)

Married life was magical when you got the love of your life to think the same of you in his life.

Getting to fold all the clothes you bought for yourselves, wash and iron, drowning your nostrils in his scent.

That enchanting scent.

You keep all the hair you find of his whenever you’re changing the bedsheets or vacuuming the floors.

You devote an area of the bedroom to a shrine crafted for him, including your wedding dress and his groom suit.

You have to be selfish sometimes.

Every time he comes back home, you press your lips all over him.

Every dinner is made in accordance to what he craved for that day or week, and you always found a way to make the food spell out his name or outline his face.

You play love songs in the background. To make it more romantic, you tried burning incense once however when Ezekiel began coughing and his eyes went watery, you disposed of it right away to never use again.

For the first few days of living together, you brushed his teeth for him after being alerted that Ezekiel had no clue which direction he was meant to follow for cleaning teeth.

So you happily took it upon yourself to enforce the importance of hygiene.

Bubble baths everyday.

In turn, you got to drink his bathwater and lick his deodorant.

Lemony...

Nonetheless, you take care of his shaving for him, that being marked for.

Every evening, you would also renew your wedding vows.

"Holmes I can't lie to you...” he stretches his arms up,“But I'm a bit wiped out today. Do' think we can skip the vows today and have din dins early?"

"Skip vows today?” you gasp, couldn’t believe what you were hearing,“How do you expect me to stay sane if we skip vows any day? You know how much this means to me darling! Please? I feel terrible for asking anything of you, but can you pull through? I promise I’ll make a larger portion of supper tonight!"

Every evening.

All walls in that house is occupied by at least ten picture frames of Ezekiel.

He frequently wonders what you do for a living, since surely housekeeping wasn’t hectic enough for you to take care of majority of the bills and vacations.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about my love.” you assure him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Any day, anniversary or birthday, you arrange getaways at the expensive tourist destinations like Dubai, United States, Brazil, Kenya, Australia, England at the best hotels and best plane seats.

Whenever he falls ill, you refuse to let him do anything and confine him to the marriage bed.

At moment’s command, you are right there.

Heating pad, tissues, soup, vomit bucket, ice cream, cold water.

Ezekiel actually didn’t know what hospitals were, making him more reliant on you- or how you called it, bonding.

Knew that nursing course would pay off!

You loved being the only one he could really depend on.

But it feels that something’s missing.

Nothing about possessions or housing. You had done everything. But it’s something. Something greater than money.

It became clearer with every single turning down of Ezekiel’s suggestion about inviting his family over or going on a day trip to visit them, the one thing you refuse to grant him.

Family.

Of course. It was the thing bumping this wistful pacemaker in his behaviour.

Ezekiel... Your darling...he’s lonely.

You were both bound to be maternally and paternally deprived eventually. How you wished you were like him, whose came later.

It’s for his own good. A man and a woman is supposed to vacate their parents. Staying in touch with them would only have him getting used to seeing them and depending on them which would be more painful in the long run when they die.

Maybe now was the time to take their places, and conceive what would plant both the McLean and Miller family trees forward to see another generation.

Now?

You blush at the thought.

“I’m not so sure, bird...” your darling husband scratches the back of his neck, “When I was growing up back on the farm, my daddio was also here to raise me. If I have to go out being a rockstar everyday, the little ones might not know who their dad is. Besides, a man is needed around to raise strong children. Even the gal ones.”

“We can take turns!” you involuntarily latch yourself on top of him.

Ezekiel still hasn’t gotten used to this form of treatment, but trusts you enough to allow it,“My ma said pregnancy changed her life, eh?”

“How mine’s changed before it!” you adoringly play with a strand of his brown hair,“When I first saw you, my soul felt complete and my void was no more. I had never felt love stronger than you and now, I physically can’t survive without you.”

“Poetic, eh?” he gruffly laughs, your feelings going over him,“Not sure if that’d help in parenting, yo. Don’t wanna accidentally teach the girls it’s their world to be yappin’ in.”

Your response is a placid remark of your own femininity,“How beautiful my body is.“ an old nursery rhyme wraps your words,“Two loonies make a toonie, now aren’t I a scholar?”

Sleep well while you can, husband!

[giritina]

When I lived in San Francisco, I saw a lot of people's reactions to the homeless. Even leftists would often be terrified of them. Most of the time they had a sympathetic reason. I knew many women who had been yelled at or even chased, and their relatives and friends further fed into the fear by trading vague warnings about areas with lots of homeless people being dangerous. What worried me was how these conversations often ended up devaluing the lives of those homeless people over the perceived potential victims. There was not a conversation about what fears and reactions were irrational or unfair.

As someone with psychosis I realized most people do not even have the first brick to build an understanding of psychosis. I learned this through how they viewed the homeless. A stranger, even one who was clearly suffering, who yelled at or even just spoke to you was considered a real threat to your safety. People who were especially willing to call the cops or avoid even setting foot near the homeless showed a similar discomfort when they found out I was mentally ill.

If you haven't had psychosis, I will try to describe the terror of it a little bit. It is like running from something trying desperately not to die, but everything around you is so horrific you wish you were brave enough to just give up. Everyone is scary but you are also more evil than them. Nothing is safe. Even the things that feel safe inside the delusion can really be killing you in the real world. You are tunneling inside your own brain endlessly, every moment you are about to die and also trapped in an unmoving millisecond of immortality.

I think it is very difficult to be on the street and not deal with some amount of psychosis. Not because it is the only reason people end up homeless, but because you are so profoundly isolated from the entire world. You are constantly beaten by the elements. By your body. By every conceivable thing. And just trying to keep living involves being constantly and ignored even in the most visible of places. In San Francisco most homeless people probably get ignored by thousands of people a day. Imagine existing in a world where the common wisdom is for people to put their heads down and not make eye contact with you, not speak to you, not acknowledge you in ANY way except to make the moves necessary to avoid touching you. You have now been cut off from the world of the everyday and only seem to be able to get the attention of other people who are cut off. Now on top of your poverty, health problems, addiction, trauma, racism & other isms, you are developing a consuming madness from the isolation.

I would also scream. I would also try desperately to get the attention of someone, anyone, in any way. I have known what it's like to feel like the only way to exist is to do something so insane people can't ignore you. I can't even imagine how hard it is to feel like that and also have nothing at all to support you. I can't imagine going through that and also being treated like you are genuinely invisible by hundreds of people.

I don't have a concrete solution for you except maybe to keep fighting for free ethical housing and every other human right. But I think you should consider that most people are not a threat to you and there isn't an easy way to figure out who is. People who are sane will hurt you and people who scream on the streets will not, and vice versa. But I have been hurt by many more privileged and together people. I kind of just ask that people who can't sleep because someone outside is screaming and crying out of obvious terror consider that they are inside on a bed and only inconvenienced, and the other party is trying to express they are in a living hell. And also maybe to say hello or spare a dollar for people so they can know you see them.

[gurugirl]

About that anon and the psycho stalker guy, I think y’all missed be part where he says he has many weapons at his home, like what? I don’t want to scare the anon but the little car interaction you mentioned and him showing up at your house at 2am everyday sounds like the starting of a true crime story. Pls go to police immediately this person is not mentally sane. The HR not taking your things serious should be sign enough to contact the cops

Well I did read the part about the weapons but what can she really do about it? And I'll be honest... going to the police isn't a bad idea BUT if she doesn't have proof they'll just make some kind of courtesy call MAYBE but more likely will just write something down and tell her to call them if anything else happens (I know bc this is my experience too when I was being threatened before it got worse the police didn't do anything - that's as much as I'll share here but the police did nothing until it was too late, we'll put it that way) but they have no reason to check his home for weapons based off of what she's said.

Obviously this is a very scary situation but it sounds like anon is from the US and sadly weapons are legal (as long as you go about getting them legally) so that does little. She can and should go to the police but there's nothing they can do for her as it is right now.

The police usually wait until something has escalated further. That's why we're trying to give her advice on how to keep safe in the meantime and try to stay away from him as much as possible.

I wish that the police could do something about this situation but currently, even when weapons are mentioned, they won't do anything until some proof of something is provided.

Thank you hon!

xoxo

[hoodiehydra]

Andromeda Angst

Wheeeeeee-

BOIS ITS ANGST TIME WHEHEHEHE HOLY SHIT THIS WAS 2.6K WORDS LONG WHOAAAAAAAAAAA-

----------

Aldryx sighed. It’s been 2 years. 2 years too long, with Agoti’s missing posters pasted everywhere. The streetlights, mailboxes, even the doors of the nearby stores. His little brother’s smiling picture printed on the paper, now getting blurry and worn out with each passing day. It was so cruel to see Agoti smiling, as if he was mocking Aldryx. He was gone, and that only reminded Aldryx more of the harsh reality things had been for so long. 

Where was Agoti?

For all Aldryx knew, the police stupidly refused to give them any further information. It hurt Aldryx so badly, to wish that his brother was alright, but it had been so long, the only thing, the best thing he could only wish for was that Agoti was alive. He couldn’t care less how hurt he was, he needed him back, alive. He could care less about whatever fucking money the Dearests wanted from them, he wanted Agoti back. He would sacrifice himself to them, get beat, tortured, hurt, half dead, if it meant that he could live his life worry-free about his little brother. He would have rather him taken, he would make that exchange in a heartbeat.

But he didn’t. And all that was left for Aldryx was the bits and pieces of information that the police gave, from the feast of information they were probably hoarding from him. The world is as unfair as it could be, and all that it was to him was hell. 

24 hours of anxiety, stress, worry and never-ending fear and concern, only to be repeated again and again, without a sign of stopping anytime soon.

Curse you, Daddy Dearest. 

Why? Why did this happen, how did this happen?

And from the void, his hellish prison, Agoti screamed just whatever Aldryx was thinking from the top of his lungs.

Why didn’t I listen to everyone? How could I have been so foolish, to follow these imbeciles into this hellscape of a prison? They were right, they always had been. How could I have been so stupid? So blind? Everyone warned me, and I ignored them, now I am paying the price, and… so are they, from my own horrible decisions. 

He slapped himself, gave himself a nice beating before shutting himself up.

How do I get out? 

…

And where do I find these assholes?

And that was exactly what Solazar was thinking, from the coffee table of his house, right below where Aldryx was hating on himself. 

He was ready to burn the world down, if it meant getting his beloved son back. He would be absolutely ready to give himself up, if both his sons were safe, happy and healthy. He would be so ready to do that, he would have done it so fast, there was no thinking. He just would. Sighing, he massaged his head for a quick 5 seconds, before gulping down his black coffee and leaving for the police station, to fish out whatever information he could get out from the police.

Leaving the door, he left Aldryx alone, in his own pit of self-loathing. 

With eyebags under his eyes, he left his room, to lie down on the couch to watch the news, like he always did everyday, to know what the police would reveal about Agoti.

He clicked on the television, and watched the news.

And Tabi was watching whatever Aldyx was watching too, the exact same news studio, from his armchair, a look of dismay present on his face. Nothing on Agoti today, or anything useful for him to help. Not a thing, just the usual, Agoti missing, nothing found, same shit again and again. It was getting tiring, trying to read between the lines of all the articles and still getting nothing in the end. Tabi was getting impatient, tired, bored. Pulling the hood of his hoodie over his head, he slumped out the doorway to find the (possibly last) Andromeda brother.

It was a routine for the past 2 years. Watch the news, hate yourself, then seek out comfort. It’s been like that for all 4 of them, though Agoti would probably scream as a way to release his stress.

Until Agoti was back, it would be true to say that no one is sane. It all affected them in some way, Solazar filled without doubt, worry, fear and a little hate towards himself for letting his son get hurt. Aldryx was filled with self-hatred for letting his little brother go, and a lot of worry and stress, and his days were now dragged on to long, sleepless nights of tossing and turning. Tabi… he was hurt too, he lost his best friend, one of the only few people that understood him, his thoughts, his feelings. He was the closest person that Tabi had to a brother, he, in fact, saw Agoti as his brother. 

But, he was gone. And that was the harsh reality.

Agoti? He was stuck with ever-lasting trauma now, and severe anxiety, stress, fear, worry, self-loathing, depression and he had lost all hope. He was all of Solazar, Tabi and Aldryx, packed into that thin body of his. They all had eyebags, none of them ever really catching a good wink of sleep. 

Whatever sick ideas Daddy Dearest had for Agoti, to put him in such a horrible prison, for no good fucking reason. 

It had been a few more weeks until Solazar had finally forced a policeman to spit out whatever information that they had been holding out on them. How? Bribery money. Information wasn’t cheap, and he nearly fainted at the cost of the entire thing, but if it was for his son, he would not even hesitate to pay. Hell, he would have sold everything if he had to, but the police were still easy to convince… kinda. Shitty FNF police, right?

What had he got? Oh yeah, some sweet locations of some dear people that were about to have a nice chat to his fiery fist.

Solazar had already begun to pack, getting a flight towards wherever the hell those bastards were at. Was he going alone? Fuck, no. Not on Aldryx and Tabi’s watch. Solazar had to let them go, he didn’t have much of a choice. Aldryx and Tabi were great at getting what they wanted, and to be honest, they wouldn’t care about Solazar’s permission. They were only asking out of sheer politeness. If Solazar said no, that’s fine, they would sneak onboard the plane. Yes. Sneak. Tabi already had blueprints of the plane and a way in. If they managed to get in, uncaught, everything would then be smooth. Solazar would not have the heart to kick them out of a plane, and thus, they would still be a help. They had felt so useless in those 2 years, not being able to help or support the case, nothing. They wanted a part of this, and this was their ticket for the action and drama they had been craving for so long. They knew that this was very serious, but this was Agoti, their little brother, they were ready to get hurt.

Solazar had already made it halfway out of the living room, ready to leave, but no. 

“Where are you going, hm?” Aldryx asked, loudly slurping his cup of warm coffee. Solazar wasn’t too surprised he was caught, since he was dragging his suitcase and luggage outside. 

“If you must know-,” Solazar started.

“Which I must,” Aldryx cut Solazar off.

“I am going to find Agoti.” Solazar finished.

“Ah, good. We packed our luggage in time. Tabi! Take the luggage down now! Thanks.” Aldryx grinned.

Tabi hauled down two medium-sized luggage, also readier than ever to go. The both of them were so enthusiastic, Solazar knew he had no choice and reluctantly let them follow him. 

If you are wondering about plane tickets, Solazar is gonna football kick them so far that they reach another dimension.

Joking, but in all seriousness, Solazar had booked a private jet to give Agoti some luxury if they got him back. Therefore, no one really cared about the extra people as long as they got paid in the end and got their day’s worth.

Oh, Solazar, you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into. But he didn’t have a choice other than to let them come too. He knew that. There was no point in convincing them otherwise when their minds were already made up, and they were a rather determined duo, that they definitely were.

“So, are we going then?” Tabi asked, with a hint of eagerness and also sass.

Solazar rolled his eyes at the two, but still let them hop into the taxi.

On the way, all 3 of them felt so anxious, they had no idea what they were going face-to-face with, an incredibly risky thing. Solazar was already beating himself up for not realising that sooner. But it was far too late for that. They were now only hoping for the best, would they even survive any brawl from those… monsters? 

As far as they knew, you couldn’t kill a star, Tabi was pretty fast with reflexes, and Aldryx had joined the military before, so he was great with weapons. That didn’t guarantee them a win, however. 

Still, it was worth trying, for Agoti, at least.

And try, they will. 

By the time they got on the plane, it was late afternoon already, they were burning daylight. The longer they made Agoti wait, the more danger he was in.

But little did they know, a blue little pipsqueak was already helping Agoti out, or… aggravating Agoti. But they were gonna get out. He finally found his way out, after so long. Agoti lost track of time by the lack of sunlight, his world of grey rocks could finally leave him. He was going to get out.

And this little midget was the key.

In the other dimension, the 3 of them were already flying, high up in the air, but… how would they reach Agoti? They had no idea how to travel to other dimensions, which annoyed them greatly. How the hell would they reach him? No, no… there had to be some way, some shitty Daddy Dearest voodoo magic? Maybe. 

Agoti was fiercely rapping his way out, ready to leave. 

Solazar, Tabi and Aldryx were ready to fight as the plane had just touched down. Now, by the time they had reached, it was 2 in the morning. If they did it right, they would find the Dearests while they were unconscious, which meant they had a bit of an advantage, and at this point, extra little chances would help them a lot.

Solazar had gotten a taxi again, to reach the building, where they only hoped to find Agoti. 

After what felt like a drive for eternity, they reached their destination, which seemed to be a worn down, abandoned building. Huh? Of all places, this? 

Daddy Dearest was known for not just his fame for his sins, but also his wealth. He would not have picked this wreck of a building in a place with so many other better options. Unless… no!

Solazar kicked down the door and scrambled in, looking everywhere, but just as he suspected, the place was empty. There was nothing, no one. It was a decoy by the police. They tricked him. 

They really didn’t want Solazar to find Agoti. So, Solazar has wasted so much money, to get absolutely nothing. Oh, hell, he wanted to rip that policeman for that false hope.

Aldryx and Tabi realised the building had nothing but cobwebs and dust, and realised that if the Dearests got this place, if they even entered this place at all, they had left long ago. Aldryx was seething with anger while Tabi punched the wall of the building. But they all knew, Agoti was also long gone. So where was he?

Solazar collapsed to the floor, sobbing profusely. His son, gone, nowhere to be found, and he had lost so much money for that little bit of false hope. This was so fucking unfair, he wanted to burn the world to the ground. Little flame-like tears streamed down his cheeks as he grieved in front of the two young adults. They watched on uncomfortably, having no idea how to comfort someone with a millenia’s worth of knowledge, but they did their best, Aldryx hugging his father, while Tabi gently caressed the father’s shoulder. They were also very upset, but they weren’t as distraught as Solazar right now. Sure, they wanted to cry, they wanted to, but Solazar had been so strong for them, it was their turn. Holding back tears, they hoisted the star up to the front door to cry out loudly, without suffocating in such a dusty room.

Two years of bottling up his feelings, Solazar finally exploded, so incredibly upset with everything he had lost in a span of 24 hours, and still didn’t gain back the one thing he wanted back for the last 2 years, his son. 

Agoti.

His youngest son.

A little brother.

A best friend.

They all lost something.

Solazar sacrificed so much, and he got jackshit in return. 

It was a few hours of crying, and the tissues burned from his tears, quite literally. It was already sunrise, and Solazar was still sobbing, but he had no tears left. 

He stumbled off the floor outside and tried to calm himself down.

“I’m sorry-,” Solazar started, but Aldryx and Tabi both shushed him, giving him a sympathetic glance, telling him none of this was his fault.

Solazar kept quiet, and went back into the building, for any last clues.

At the same time, Agoti finally left his crude prison, escaping successfully. He was so damn happy, he couldn’t speak. But he wanted to go home, he needed to go home. He wanted to see everyone so badly, it was impossible for him to wait. As he finally got out, with just a flash of bright light, he appeared in front of an abandoned building, the one where he was stuck in for a month, before getting trapped in the void.

Why was he here?

Nevertheless, he still went inside, just to get some shelter before finding a way back. 

But, he didn't expect someone to be inside, or much less, 3 people to be inside. It was sunrise, or was it sunset? He didn’t know. But it definitely was a nice scene out at the balcony, from what he had experienced in the one month he was trapped there for. Yeah sure, it wasn’t the best place, but at least he still had sunlight, at least he could still tell the damn time. The void, it didn’t have any of that. It made him go insane, losing track of time, losing his sanity, losing all forms of communications to the outside world. It was worse than jail– jail still had bars to peek out of the cell, to the outside world. No, this was different. The void was a torture room that had no doors, walls or ceilings, and as free as he was, he couldn’t escape. Until now, when a sky blue bastard beat him at rapping.

He hated losing, but maybe he would accept it just this once. I mean- thanks to the little idiot, he was free.

He gingerly approached the balcony, where he saw 3 familiar figures that he loved so much.

“Dad? Tabs? Al?” Agoti murmured in a hushed voice.

The three of them swerved their heads back, all turning towards the familiar voice, the person they lost.

“Agoti?” They asked.

“That’s me,” Agoti sheepishly smiled.

No other words were exchanged as they all rushed to the other digidevil brother, enveloping him in a hug. It was warm, gentle, but also a very tight hug. But they were fine with that, they were all together again, and oh boy, would Agoti have quite a story for them.

---------------

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ITS DONEEEEEEEEE

[mari-m-rose]

Life update (?)

Hi! It's been a while since I did one of these. I still remember about how writing these would make me feel better, whether they were read by someone or not. Still, thank you in advance to whomever reads this, I appreciate your care/curiosity towards me. Wishing you happiness and success from the bottom of my heart. So, what has been going on with me.

So many things it's overwhelming. Everyday is. Especially when I remember all that has happened in the past few years. Probably because it's been hard to process? Both the good and the bad, all it's hard to process. Not like I process stuff easily, the opposite in fact. Tbh I don't even remember much of what I did during 2019... was I still active here during 2018? Bearly right? I think I got a new job in 2019 which was a cool job, or so I used to think... I remember the beginning of 2020 because I was so fucking happy in January-February during 2020. I was enjoying myself at work, I had a stable relationship with my partner as usual, I was engaged and about to get my own apartment. I was excited about my life which is something that never happens to me xD. And well, before covxd happened I actually got hit by a car... It was at low speed but it still wasn't nice. Listen, never do what I did. If you get hit by a car and you realize you can walk, do not go straight to work by scooter. Actually report the person who did it, call in sick, go to the hospital. Try not to shut down and just go to work normally. Short story: by lunch I couldn't stand up from my seat. I actually almost cried when I had to at the end of the day to go home because it hurt like a bxtch. I sort of healed? Actually it has been 3 years and I still feel something in my leg ahaha. Never be like me, love yourself. Covxd exploded not much after I "healed" and it ruined all my plans. No wedding, no apartment, I actually had to quit my job cause my bosses got so toxic I got depressed like never before. I was now trapped more than ever at my parents' house and the hope of leaving it soon was almost non-existant. I know it was hard for everyone and I hope that you all ended up surviving it just fine. Thankfully on my end everyone survived even tho my dad was always at risk cause he was forced to go to work despite it all. Since I didn't go through any tragic event, I am fortunate enough to appreciate that at least I spent a lot of time with my parents and cat, very important since I wanted to leave the house the next year. I got married in 2021 even tho covxd was still around, risking it all. Naturally it was a small event because of it. I actually just wanted to move out. My parents are very old-fashioned and they were not gonna be happy, so to say, if I left before marriage. Thankfully my husband did want to marry me so it worked out, but was it stressing... I just suck at events like that but yeah I finally got married and moved out. And the most amazing time of my whole life began. It was honestly magical. I was so happy I felt like I was living an actual dream. The moments in my life at that time felt eternal in a good way, there was warmth and love, pure happiness. I didn't know life could be like that. My relationship with my family fixed really quick after I moved out. Now we get along fine and I'm very thankful I get to experience this before I imminently lose my parents to time. I'm a very fortunate person. But this happiness soon ended cause I'm...dummy? I'm mentally ill and I'm not used to being happy. So I started to get massive anxiety about some upcoming event ruining all my life. I still dread this, even tho it doesn't arrive yet. Something bad actually happened tho... I lost my cat in 2022. I...probably will never not miss her, she was the one who kept me sane at home for 16 years. My most beloved baby...I just hope she's around somewhere. Uhm let's try not to cry while I write this... Btw did I mention I'm still unemployed and very ashamed of it? I do housewifey things, I do help with family business and have commissions from time to time but most of the time I'm not that active. That also is eating me alive. My husband is very chill about it but I'm not happy with myself, tho I can feel like little by little I want to change this, ...I wish I wasn't that stressed about the idea of still working in graphic design. What happened in my past job was a bit like my last bit of energy for it...

I really want to like open a patreon or a youtube channel idk, I always say this but its hard to start.. Aside this anxiety I'm also currently without passion...without fandom, without OTP, without a spark that motivates me to draw. It has been annoying cause this is happening since like 3 years ago. I hate this fr. Being without an art community has been hard but you know what? Being in one was also hard. I had major fall offs with a lot of my friends. We either fought a lot and took our distances or were involved in disgusting drama, others really mistreated me till the point I ended up feeling I didn't want to make new friends ever again. I isolated myself, this ofc didn't help my "art block" or mental health. Now at 32 yo, how am I supposed to like engage in a fandom or art community? I geniuinly don't know how. Also it's full of kiddies. No offense towards you babies but, I'm a grown ass lady. I feel so much like I don't belong...BUT I still want to belong. Not with the teens ofc but.... is there any discord server for old ladies like me? If there's a quiet place for "art grandmas" xD, hit me up. I am opened up to hang out but also ngl, I'm so awkward. New discord server I join is like another one I will never speak in. Idk what to do tbh. I just want to be excited about a fandom or art again. Anyways thanks for reading this text about me. I hope you are doing fine. I also hope you enjoy my art, even tho I hardly update, I'm trying to do my best. I'm most active on instagram (mari_m_rose) and X (aka former twitter, same as ig). I still love sinja and remain somewhat knowledgable about Magi. So if u wanna send asks about anything related to those or myself, I will be happy to answer! Hugs and kissus.

[okamirayne]

Hello, my angel of words! Here I am yet again (told you I'd be back hehe), this time with a shorter ASK.

Pretty sure Kakashi and Genma have decided to turn my brain into their permanent residence and BtB has given me a burst of writing-motivation.

My own original story is still just vibes and nothing else (with a few loose plot points that probably are the results of loose screws in my head... 😂) and I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell is happening in there yet.

There's a few scenes containing Genma and Kakashi that my brain came up with though and so I was wondering the following thing:

Are you okay with people writing their own little stories set in the BtB universe? Basically fanfiction of fanfiction, if you will 🤔

Me personally, I'd probably just use it to get some practice in (god do I need it 😂) and wouldn't publish it anywhere

I hope you're doing well 💙 Also, I gotta know, what's your favorite kind of tea? 👀

Aw! Hello, my lovely! 💜 Always a pleasure, @sunlightrays. 🥰🩵

Pretty sure Kakashi and Genma have decided to turn my brain into their permanent residence and BtB has given me a burst of writing-motivation.

😆 Glad to hear it! No freeloading for those two. House rules! Raidō did attempt to teach (beat into) Genma some semblance of tenancy decorum. 😉

My own original story is still just vibes and nothing else (with a few loose plot points that probably are the results of loose screws in my head... ) and I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell is happening in there yet.

Ah! All good and great things in their time, my fellow wordsmith! May it all percolate deliciously. I hope that it comes together in that magical way when Time and Flow do their alchemical dance. 😍

Wey! All those loose screws are good! I’m convinced. 😆 No creative chaos should be sane or contained! ✨

Are you okay with people writing their own little stories set in the BtB universe? Basically fanfiction of fanfiction, if you will. Me personally, I'd probably just use it to get some practice in (god do I need it) and wouldn't publish it anywhere

Meta-fanfic! I shall re-direct you to my answer for this question which resides in this post, sweetheart. 👍🏼

I hope you're doing well.

Why yes…just randomly screaming from my hellpit at my muses…you know…

Or staring into my own cleaved brainpan like..

Yep! I’m Happy to report that I’m still bug-fuck nuts and routinely courting madness, so the End Days are not yet upon us 😆.

Also, I gotta know, what's your favorite kind of tea?

*addict-twitching grin* Oh my…just the one all-time fav? I enjoy different brews for different levels of sorcery. Being a homegrown Brit with mixed heritage, I oscillate a bit. But my everyday go-to cuppa is a UK black tea brand called YORKSHIRE TEA.

Very popular here. It’s a good strong brew. My favourite overall (which I practically inhale 99% of the time) has to be masala chai (and here comes my Eastern roots) which can be made in various different ways according to spice-preference. For convenience, I blasphemously use a pre-ground spice combo that I shove into the Yorkshire Tea. That’s my everyday cuppa ☕️🥰☕️

I’m also a huge fan of ceremonial Matcha 🍵 🤩 And, on occasion, I enjoy a good Genmaicha. ☕️

Thanks for the ASK(s), my luv! I wish you inspiration a’plenty for your original works, with rampant and most randy plot bunnies 😆💜✨

[sadkittyrai]

i understand why people want to do drugs. back then as a child i thought why would people willingly do it if they're aware it would only lead to something bad. but after realizing what its like to have an addiction i totally understand now. i wish people werent so judgemental about it though.. my addiction felt so comforting. i felt numb. i couldn't feel pain at all. i was so, so happy. just merely seeing the blood drip down my skin was enough to send me in euphoria. it was the only thing keeping me sane. school was shit. my house was shit. everyone was shit. i needed to cope with something. something i can control in my life for once. i needed a physical evidence of the suffering i felt inside. even during all those months where i was sent to the psychologist, the psych ward, was on medications, had surgery multiple times, I didn't feel one thing. maybe aside from the shame i guess.. but i miss it. i miss that feeling. will i relapse? it feels so tempting. nothing will go wrong if i just dont get caught right. i just NEED to feel that high again and feel numb so i cant cry everyday anymore

[lifeisamaze]

CGK (2)

Some may asks, why do such a brief moment could leave a giant print in your heart? (Well,nobody asked. Never tell anyone about my problems,except J. Told hani but it is just because i had to go cgk with her 😂. This is the reasons why i need a journal. I need to empty my brain every now and then to keep me sane) OK, back to the question. Simple. It is something you longed for your whole life. And it's happening! This is the reason why i decided to write it in a journal. I'm afraid one day when i wake up, the memories are fading and i thought it was a dream.

Well, now it's the second day in CGK. Starting my day with 'pemandangan indah di pagi hari' went to his house early in the morning so we could go to work together. He.... Welcomed me..... TOPLESS!!! Glad the pants is on. Or i wish it is not? HAHAHAAHA. Ok, serious mode. First things that i noticed: electronic cigar n Ash tray. I thought he quitted? But didnt asked anything tho. Dont ask something people doesnt want to tell you. Next : piles of laundry. Cant help myself not ironing them. Its the least I can do, it might help him for another few days ahead. When i stood in the centre of the room, with this thought in my head, he approached me. I unconsciously hugged him 🫣😶‍🌫️ he told me, my friends are coming down soon. Malunya smpe ke ubun2 wakk 🤣🤣 so embarassing! Ck!

While doing the laundry, apparently he put decolgen n panadol on my backpack. 🥹 si pendiam yg perhatian sekali sih ternyataaaa. He didnt say anything too, just simply put it there. 😭😭 so so sweeetttt. The next sweet thing :koper juga uda masuk mobil ternyata! 🤣 amazing! No talk, action only! 😂😂

next, breakfast. Stopped by Indomaret to get coffee he said. But he sneaked out to ATM. 🤣🤣 caught him in action. What is wrong with going to ATM? 😂😂 my wallet almost empty everyday 🤣🤣 heading to mie bagan yutek. it is the first time i have it and i love it. 😂 my tastebud is more to savory sweet and this one match my preference. Things that i noticed from him while eating : freaking neat 🤭 one of Virgo traits, as bert is also like that. He wiped his table when a single drop of the soup spilled. 🤣 is he nervous or he is actually like that? The way he sit and eat also catch my attention 🫠 when i talk to him while he is eating, he didnt lift up his body or head but only his eyes and eyebrow and his mouth is full of food but stop munching 😂😂 he did that most of the time when we were eating. He eats slow, while me, eating like hungry shark 😂 i always eat quick, no time to lose! 😂

done with the food, he sent me to serpong, park his car anddddddd... He did sth i didnt expect at all. Shocked and blushed of course! 😳😳😳😳 he did it once before, that was quick and very light one. This oneeee., hmmm.. A bit more powerful than before but still short. 😂 understandable, since it is in a broad daylight, public places, needs lot of courage to do so 😂 im so nervous and avoid eye contact with him 😂😂

Skipped to the evening, he came to fetch us after work, send us to have dinner and go play soccer. Highlight : this silly fangirling thing I have, im happy to be able to hold and hug his backpack 😂😂 girl! Come on! 🫨🫨 then another highlight, he gave me an orange. 😂 so random! I kept it and eat it after I reached home.

After dinner, get back to hotel, prepare for ajeb2, me being pickup by his friends, awkward situation actually, but I'm mastering the art of breaking the ice . Talked a lot to them and after we reached there, si anak bauk kencur ini, didnt know that nobody, NOBODY brings backpack to club 🤣 Yok has asked me do i need to leave the backpack in the car. But i insist, I'll carry it. LOL.

Then while waiting for him, I talked a lot, drank a lot, but good things is, yok keeps reminding me to drink water to keep me sober. After a while, finally J came! He sits right next to me, looking at me with this look. Arghh! I meltttt🫠🫠🫠 rasanya pengen kuterkam 😂😂 then of course after dison come, he keep pouring drink for me and asked for toast. The moment i realized i started to drunk is when i stood up next to J and cant control myself for not hugging him and start sniffing his neck 😂 i feel aroused by the music's beat but then i tried to sober up and go back to my seat. Not long after, i asked him to go back to the hotel. He drove so fast. Me, scared to death and sober up instantly 🤣

The rest of the night will be off the record. Too many highlights i wish i could write here. Okay, spilling one of them : 내 인생에서 가장 긴 키스를 했어요. I just cant stop. 😂 everything is so lovey dovey, leaving me sweet memories, perfect image of him and now, he turned out to be like this, hmm.. I just cant relate. Which one is the real J? I have warned him for not being too sweet but he ended up bewitching me. Ck!

Okay. That is day two sums up. Maybe tomorrow for day 3?

[saphilous]

oh i have bpd too! i was diagnosed in october 2020 at 18 years old. however i have been struggling with mental illness ever since i started puberty at around 10 years old.

you said you are handling your bpd well, and i’m happy for you! i know it must’ve been hard so congrats! :)

but i was wondering if you could share any tips on how to control bpd? i’m struggling a lot. the littlest things make me suicidal, i can’t be left alone bc i’ll hurt myself, i have zero friends because i’m so scared of abandonment, etc

i want to get better but i don’t know how. everyone just says therapy or yoga, but therapy is too expensive and i have trauma related to yoga so….

i am on medication though and it helps, but not enough.

if you don’t feel comfy sharing your tips or answering this i totally understand! i won’t be mad if you just delete this :)

anyway i hope you have a great day or night!

Hey bud!

So I was diagnosed at 16-17 but has been struggling with it throughout my life. It sucks like a lot.. I got to a point where I was in a fully toxic relationship where the other person was actively encouraging me to SH at a point. Getting out of that relationship pushed me into a 6 month long crippling depression period where I did not leave my house at all, literally not even once.

It did take a while to get back to a relatively "normal" state. I got lucky and found some pretty good friends through a game and that was one of the things I could hold on to. But I do go BPD on them all the time, although internally. Worrying that they're gonna abandon me or worse hate me but not tell me that

I just try to distract myself from those thoughts as quickly as possible by closing chat and scrolling through Tumblr or doing something else that I'm actively obsessed with like a VG or cooking.

And I get your situation as well. Therapy is way too expensive than its supposed to be. I'm glad you're taking meds tho. They do help in the longterm even if the effects are not that noticeable immediately :)

The best advice I can give (even tho I don't think I'm qualified to lol) is to acknowledge the BPD. I know it's not easy at all. Takes a lot of energy to keep yourself sane every second of everyday. BPD is an active issue. It's gonna take a lot to bear all of that and not let it effect our lives too much. Ik everyone says it'll get better while the world is actively getting worse every single day, it is important to remind ourselves what matters to us. For me, it's pets, my writing, my plants, etc. BPD makes me feel like anything can leave me at any moment. That puts me in a constant alert mode. So I write random stories when I feel like I'm spiraling. I go and take care of my plants, cut dried out leaves, water them, etc., I cook or look at pics of my friends' pets or cats of tumblr. Mostly because these can't abandon me ig? Like anyone can take anyything away from me but not my ability to write. Makes me feel like I'm being myself. And it acts like an outlet cus most of my OCs have BPD too lol.

I try not to get too attached to my friends but it happens lol. They don't know I have BPD but they're pretty nice. Having a friend group helps a lottt! It might take a while to find them. I found it last year after struggling to maintain any sort of friends for so long. I hope you can find people like that too ❤️

But hey, until then It's important to find or create something that we can call our own.

I don't think I can ever recover from BPD. Don't even know if I can ever be "normal" But I'm gonna continue to be weird af and live life on my terms because fuck life. And it tends to fuck me a lot too lol

I have no idea if that made any sense but hey! You're always welcome to text me or send me an anon ask if you're feeling down!

If I can have a wish, it'll be to just eliminate BPD and the trauma that led to it for everyone :)

[myosotisa]

he bundled you all up, pulled the blankets so tight you couldn't move just so you both could giggle and then kissed all over your face because you couldn't get away from him in your blanket burrito

during the days he's keeping you company in the house and Jenny is out being a little snow bunny, he lets his scruff grow out (you told him he looks like he belongs in the woods with more scruff and he asked if he could pull off lumberjacking).

he goes all Mr. Mom and cooks and bakes tons - making comfort food dinners and holiday treats. you have no idea where he's getting all these ingredients and he admits to taking the four wheel drive out to the grocery store almost every morning before you wake up (he goes when you're asleep so he doesn't have to miss a second of you being awake).

really late on Christmas night, after Jenny got too tipsy on red wine and dragged her beau to bed, he admits he bought you a little something. you protest that he didn't have to do that and that he was more than generous by paying for your way to come on this trip. he won't take no for an answer.

it's a wrist watch, understated but beautiful. it looks expensive. you tell him it's way too much and you can't accept it, though it's beautiful. he's already taking it out of the case and starting to wrap it around your wrist.

"I can't give you all the time I'd like to, so I hope this... That's what I wanted to say, I guess. I wish I could give you more time. Time... together. But, at least this way, you can take a little bit of me with you everyday. If you'd let me be selfish... I want you to have that."

And maybe you suck the soul out of him for it, y'know how it goes.

okay I went overboard again but I have been thinking about him ALL DAY. keeping me sane rn fr fr

I won’t lie to you, Christmas makes me think of Colors!steve.

[sunghoonalter-archived]

[1:45am] lee heeseung

warnings: stalking, severe obsession, yandere themes

feedback is always appreciated♡

it's been a few weeks since it started. You'd been on edge ever since. you always feel like someone is watching you 

living in a small one story home isn't the problem, it's the living alone. you were never a paranoid person but having flowers delivered to your house nearly every day with eerie notes attached just increased your anxiety.

staying at a friend's house is only a temporary solution so you're left staying on your guard, locking your doors and windows as best you can. your room always seemed to feel cold, it wasn't like that before. 

"It'll be okay," you tell yourself everyday. every night, you would dream so sweetly. your dreams always warmed you, contrasting the cold of your room. you were always able to smile in your sleep as there is nothing to be scared of in your dreams. 

lee heeseung is his name. the neighbor you barely knew since you'd only spoken once before. he kept the interaction between you two in his head, obsessed with wanting to get close to you but was too afraid to approach you. 

everyday he stands at his front window, peeking through the blinds to keep himself hidden as he waits for you to come home from work. his camera is positioned in between the blinds with him able to snap shots of you. 

heeseung wanders to his darkroom. the red light bounces off the other pictures of you hanging on a string above his work station. he removes the film from his camera, having already created the development mix in his rectangular bowl. 

his method is professional, having done this so many times. countless pictures of you pinned to his wall with his favourite beside his bed. he'd place a kiss on his fingers and onto your photograph, smiling as he drifted off to sleep. 

that was the first two weeks of his obsession.

but he'd gotten closer to you, not in the way anyone would deem sane. he'd stand outside your bedroom window, always triple checking that the flash was off. he adores how peaceful and calm you look. your angelic face and gentle rise and fall of your chest, he's addicted to watching it. 

he swears he could watch you sleep for hours, and he has at times. sitting in the cold with his eyes glued to your sleeping figure. it's the only time he can get close to you.

until it isn't enough. until heeseung’s mind and body craves your touch to the extent of insanity. he needs to feel you, to hold you. and now he knows how. 

before you get home, he sneaks to your bedroom window, fiddling with it to make sure it's cracked open but you wouldn't notice. it's foolproof as you don't notice, constantly wondering why your room is so cold. 

and every night, he comes to your window when he knows you're fast asleep. he takes his shoes off and leaves them at the window, softly opening it enough to fit through it. 

he always wears pajamas, the warmest he could get his hands on. he comes to the side you're sleeping on to stare lovingly at you before moving to the opposite side, climbing in as carefully as he can. 

heeseung scoots closer to you, wrapping his arms around you with you snuggling unconsciously into his warmth. he never sleeps. he strokes your hair softly, places small kisses on your cheek and watches you in your calmest state, listening to your light snores. 

he always leaves just before the sun rises, wishing so desperately to stay longer but deciding to leave a flower next to your bed. a small lavender flower, hoping it would calm you down from your hard day's work. 

but it didn't. it only freaks you out more knowing someone broke into your house while you were away. it must've been the same person leaving flowers at your doorstep, only this one didn't come with unsettling messages. 

nightfall comes and now you struggle to sleep. the uncertainty and fear ripples through your mind and body. 

you don't hear your window opening, and you don't hear his light footsteps. he doesn't come around to stare at you. he knows you're awake. 

yet he slowly climbs into bed as always. you start shaking, frozen with fear. your breathing becomes shaky but you're too scared to turn around. his arm snakes around your waist to pull you closer as he gently strokes your head. 

"I know you're not asleep," heeseung’s soft voice rings through your ears. it's melodic and manly yet so gentle but you can't admire the tone of the man who sneaks into your room to sleep with you, even if he radiated the warmth you loved.

"You're not letting out little snores like you always do," he snickers.

"Calm down, let's go to sleep."

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

taglist: @blonghoonie, @lizziora, @nikipedia07, @lunarxsun

[ivyuns]

wishing upon a star - sunoo

genre: angst | fluff

word count: 1.6k

warnings: reader getting hospitalized, sunoo accidently hitting reader, passing out, neglecting health, arguments, sunoo being a lazy bum in the beginning, sunoo doing his best, reader blaming herself for everything, lmk if i missed anything else!

summary: you came home very tired after working two shifts. you wanted to come home, wanting nothing but you in sunoos arms in bed. but that went out of the window when a very small argument that couldve been handled broke out. what worst is that youre now hospitalized and sunoo wishes he could just go back in time to fix everything.

note: hii omg saur ive been real emo these past weeks so ive kinda wrote my emotions in like 10 different drafts so be on a look out for those. ++ im not sure when ill update fever bc im still not even half way done w part two 😭😭 enjoy ~

masterlist

it was a week after your fight, over something that could’ve been easily forgiven after talking out. something that could’ve been solved.

but no. you had left your house before he had done anything else stupid.

it was all because you were just asking sunoo nicely to clean up the place after you had many shifts to pick up, as well as studying to get in your dream school.

“sun? you here?” you had walked through the front door, dragging your tired feet to the living room, in which sunoo was still gaming with niki before you left— 6 hours ago.

the living room was a mess with finished chip bags and crumbs everywhere. oh you wanted to just breakdown.

“sun? hello?” you waved your hand in front of it to snap him out of his game. “hey baby, how was work?” he asked, still playing games. you ignored him and just cleaned his mess up.

you went to your bathroom to wash up and heading straight to bed, not having the energy for talking to the boy or anything.

sunoo realized you were gone for a bit and ended his game. he was putting his controller away and before he got up, he felt a pang of guilt. the guilt that you had to do everything, once again.

he quickly put everything away, turning off the lights and headed to your room. where he saw you almost dozing off to your fruit sensory videos that seemed to make you stay sane.

you sensed that he was coming on the bed with you, so you turned around and turned off your phone to charge and fell asleep. or tried to. “y/n?” he called out your name, hugging you from behind. you didn’t respond, too tired to do anything.  

sunoo sighed. “i’m sorry i-“ “am i not doing enough for you?” you quietly said, tears flowing already.

you had such a bad week and just wanted to cuddle with sunoo. but everyday as you came home, the house was always a mess and sunoo was always in the same spot before you left. you felt like just crying for hours but you held it in. you didn’t want to see anyone, especially sunoo, to see you in your worst state.

“all i wanted to do when i got home was- was to be in your arms. be in our bed. i hated work so much. you never came to text me, or ask me how was i. im tired of coming home to you and the house a mess. ‘m sorry sunoo. im sorry im selfish.”

you cried into your arms and felt sunoo try to lift your arms up to hug you but you wouldn’t budge.

sunoo felt so heartbroken. how could he let his most precious girl feel like this. “im sorr-“ “im gonna go sunoo.”

you pushed sunoo away and went to the closet, wiping your tears at the same time. sunoo felt everything breaking down, he couldn’t let you go. especially so late at night.

he got up and saw you packing your essentials in your suitcase. he panicked and grabbed your wrist, a bit too harsh. “y/n! you cant go!” he shouted at you.

the tears increased as his grip was getting tighter, and the way he yelled at you. “s-sunoo. sunoo let go” you whimper. he didn’t listen, but the second time he heard you shout his name with a horrified face, he let go.

he saw the red mark he left. he saw you red puffy eyes. he saw the way you felt sick to your stomach. you wanted to run away and it was all his fault.

he stood up and tried to speak words out, but no words came out of him. you hurried to pack and left the house, leaving your promise ring and house keys.

after that night, he kept calling you, texting you, begging you to come back. he didn’t know where you were staying at, he didn’t know if you were warm and safe, he didn’t know if you were in someone else’s presence.

the house made him feel so alone. he stopped playing games and he cleaned the house, hoping you’ll just walk through the front door with a smile.

he put up the paintings you wanted to hang up on the walls, he built the dinning table that was just leaning against the dinning room wall. he did everything you asked him to do a while ago.

but everytime he tried to go to the closet, visions of him hurting you kept reminding himself that that was the only reason why you’re not coming back.

he sat alone in there, sobs muffled into the sleeve of his hoodie. “im sorry y/n. just come to my arms please.”

everywhere around the house had pictures of you two, decorated. polaroids scattered everywhere, memories everywhere.

until a phone call disturbed his thoughts. he looked at the contact, saying it’s from you.  and immediately answered.

“sunoo!”

it wasn’t you. you friend had went through your phone to call him about you. “y-y/n, she-“ “she what!” sunoo yelled. he was scared what happened to you.

“she’s in the hospital. please come quick.”

—

sunoo drove quickly to the hospital your friend had told him. his hair a mess, eyes bloodshot, he was just a mess. he looked at the emergency exit and saw you friend holding your hand while you were on the bed, blood everywhere.

“y/n!” he called out your name. he ran to your moving bed and held your other hand.

your vision was blurry but you still saw the resemblance of his face. “s-sunoo?” sunoo wanted to punch the air. why did he make so much mistakes to end up you in the hospital. “im here baby” he cupped your cheek. the moment didn’t last long after the nurses had to stop him.

he tried to push them away, and yelled out your name through the door. he needed to be next to you.

the nurses reassured him, letting him know you’ll feel fine. but he wasnt having it, he needed to see if you’ll be okay.

he fell onto the waiting chairs, crying into the palms of his hands, dizzy.

it took a bit too long for sunoo. it was the next day and he didn’t get a wink of sleep. your friend had gotten a thin blanket from the nurses for him, hoping he’ll just have a 5 minute nap. but he didn’t want to lose sight of  the surgery room he was next to.

the doctors had told him that you’ve been lacking nutrients. they had heard from your friend that you’ve been coming to their house after picking different shifts at your jobs everyday without eating or drinking. you’ve been sleeping with a few hours of sleep. and on top of that, the fight with sunoo has been on your mind too.

you overthink, wondering if it was dumb to run out of the house because he accidentally harmed you. you knew sunoo wouldn’t purposely hurt you, he was just protecting you.

all the stress of going back and work made you faint at work. they said you bumped your head on the counter at the kitchen, as there was a glass that also fell with you, resulting some shards cutting into you.

sunoo hoped and prayed, you will be okay.

—

you woke up hours later with wires hooked up onto you. whimpering in pain, you felt a bruise on your forehead. you looked around and no signs of sunoo or your best friend, but you could've sworn you saw them both before you fell asleep.

seeing flowers and "get well soon" balloons were blurring your vision as you remembered what happened. the sudden memory when sunoo had accidentally hurt you, when you got a message saying sunoo wasn't fine without you, how you saw sunoo's once beautiful eyes red because of you.

all of this were caused by you. is what you thought.

everything is your fault, you were the one that ran out on him in the first place. you were so in your mind, you didnt hear sunoo come in the room. "y/n!" he shouted.

he immediately exited the room and went to get your doctor, letting them know you have woken.

after the doctor ran tests on you, you were left alone with sunoo. the comforting silence was getting awkward for you. "y/n" "sunoo" you both said. sunoo slightly smiled, holding your hand for you to continue.

"im sorry, this wouldn't had happened if i didn't walk out on you" you said. tears slowly falling. sunoo felt like he just lost his best boyfriend award. you were blaming yourself when you did nothing wrong.

he looked up at you and wiped your tears away. "no im sorry for not asking how your day was in the first place my love." he paused. "im sorry for how lazy i was. i've failed to noticed your emotions after work and school. you're not selfish baby. you had every right to be upset.   you are more than enough for me. i love you so much y/n. you're the best thing that happened to me. please."

you saw how sincere he was. his eyes held up the galaxies whenever he saw you, and you saw it right here. he was too in love with you. "thank you" you muttered. "let's go home."

as you walked in the door of your home after weeks, you saw the place was neatly cleaned and your walls weren't bare anymore. your dinning table all set. every room in your house was now completed, all thanks to sunoo and a bit of help of his friends.

"sun, thank you" you hugged him. he leaned in and hugged you tightly. "let's go cuddle, tell me how your days was, my lady."

with that, you guys settled in on your comfy bed, looking out of the window while the stars were out on the dark night.

you fell asleep when it happened, but sunoo held you close. right before he could close his eyes, he saw a shining shooting star. 'i wish to make you happier than ever.'

end.

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