#wish me luck i fucking hate going there
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Chapter 4 of my fic brought you the fish boyfriend, so I thought I'd do a quick little drawing to go with it<3
#i did not spend a lot of time on this#i was supposed to go to bed early tonight oops#i have to go to the office tomorrow#wish me luck i fucking hate going there#i hate my boss i hate my coworkers i hate being in one of those open floorplan offices#siren cherik au#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#magneto#professor x#x men#xmfc#art#vee drew that#tw blood
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7hrs into my work day lets play a fun game of how much overtime will they make me do 🥰
#i should be going home in AN HOUR!#if im here until 7 again im pulling a sickie tmr idgaf#making me run this stupid thing twice in a day bitch it takes 5 hours!!!!! and i had to do an hour of washing up this morning from#yesterdays run bc we havent had a functional lab dishwasher for 3 months yep we have been fucking handwashing every piece of lab glassware#FOR THREE MONTHS!!#u guys dont even fucking know how much glassware we get thru in a fucking day its shambles#i dont think i even have enough glassware for my second run this afternoon so im gonna have to wash up more#one of the other techs made up the most time consuming reagent for me tho which saves me an hour bless her#but fuuucking hell. hoping when i get back from lunch theyll tell me i dont need to do any more 😭#so i can LEAVE. ON TIME. PLEASE#i cant do another 11 hour day man im not on a fucking shift pattern. if i was then at least id be able to fucking meal prep in advance#but nooooo theyre addicted to giving me unscheduled overtime to do tasks i fucking hate#also did i mention they made it even more complex so now i have to take readings every 30 seconds while constantly titrating this shit#for TEN HOURS. the amount of focus it takes is horrendous i have to keep the number in a 0.0016 range and there are so many dilutions#all this and u can still only analyse 3 samples in 5 hours bc everything has to be in triplicate its fucking sisyphean. hell on earth#puts my head in my hands and wails. im fine ahahahhaahaha. everyone in the lab is being nice abt it at least im getting a lot of pity#i wish i could work shift pattern by this point man or like a 4 day week w 10 hour days. when my managers back im gonna ask her abt it#bc theyve let a few other ppl have custom hours. they wont let me work weekends which is annoying bc im SO productive alone#i might ask again lol so much of my shit is fully independent anyway. aourgh. i get so twitchy from staring at the numbers it makes my#vision swim a bit..... well im used to it#aight vent over im going back in..... wish me fucking luck guys#.diaries
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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My roommate wears perfume (or at least uses a lot of scented products) and they cause me to have coughing fits, horrible headaches and nausea. I've told them multiple times that the perfume is causing me to have a bunch of issues and like they'll stop wearing one perfume for like a day or so and then switch to a different one (I will admit the switch was a net positive because for a while their perfume made our entire room reek of moldy oranges) but like that doesn't make it any easier for me to yk breathe. I've resorted to just keeping the window constantly open so I get some fresh air and hopefully like dilute the smell or whatever but it's winter where I live (and I live in a dorm so I have no control of the heater temp, I can turn it on or off. That's it. But it's set to like 100° and if it's too hot I'll literally pass out) so it's just fucking freezing in my dorm all the time and I still can't fucking breath and I've got a headache and if I move my torso at all I feel like I'm gonna be sick.
#i hate it here#also like now all my clothes smell like their fucking perfume so im literally never safe from it#disability#b1eeding sun rambles#disabled#im gonna try to go to sleep now. wish me luck
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no one will evr understand them like i do .... nobdoy will ever write them ciorrectly .. because they should nto be together at all they hate each other and would be horrible in a relationship but something deep and twisted inside me says they must for the plot. and i simply must consume ..... but no one does it right except 1 guy ive read.
#no i will not clarify bc i am embarrassed#LMAOOOOOO#these 2 tho. so fucked up. should not be together. most unhealthy relationship ever holy shit#but i need them to . just for my enjoyment.#they canonically hate each other and in no universe would they ever like each other especially with what one did to the other#but my god ...... need them to be in an unhealthy relationship like so bad#LMAO#brainrotting over them rn#i dont even necessarily ship them . i just need them to be in the situation for my mental narrative#like i said they would be horrible together#nobody i know will agree with me on this im certain so im just being so vague#me and my little stupid guys in my mind#ideally their relationship would end up with the shitty one dead#like#technically he's canonically dead tho we never see him die from my knowledge#but hes never come back#fucked up relationships drive me wild and i dont understand why#spilling my guts out bc i never ever say shit like this#i hide this aspect LMAO i dont want people to hate me for enjoying a bad relationship dynamic in fiction#but WHATEVE R!!!!! ID ONT EVEN CARE ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!#all the fics i read make them NORMAL#no i need them to not be healthy#i need them to end up hating each other again#i need them to be fucked up#LMAOOOO#local aroace idiot obsesses over wildly unhealthy fictional relationships not clickbait#i keep adding tags bc idont wanna reblog#smthn smthn giving him a chance despite everything he did to u when u first met#and realizing he hasnt changed and never will. hes a genuine monster n nothing u do or say will change that#I RAN OUT OF TAGS FUCKKKKKKKK. FUCCKKKKKKKKK. uhh yeah . going to be scouring ao3 for any fics that match my narrative wish me luck
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had such an ominous feeling about wishing since random early xianyun has burned me before but i wanted iansan SO fucking bad so i did one (1) ten pull and of course no iansan and capturing radiance kicked in for the first time i’ve ever seen and uhhhh—

☹️☹️☹️
#noooooooo#i wanted this for VENTI😭😭#i cant believe i couldn’t even get an iansen with her but chevy cons at least i guess🥲#i hate my account of course MONTHS of the driest fucking luck#just for it to catch me wishing a little on an anemo banner and go …..👀#never doing 4 star pulls on xianyun banners again i SWEAR#like girl TEN pity??? go away😭😭#like i LOVE xianyun#just not when she messes up my wishes and doesn’t even bring the four star i want with her😤#impolite fr#also her c1 is hmmmm not super helpful which is unfortunate😪#ughhhhh what to do now i wonder#might give up on my iansen dreams since beautiful bird woman keeps stalking me instead unfortunately🥲#genshin pulls
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🏠⊹ ࣪ ˖͙͘͡★
#honestlyyy#the moment we know that we will all move out of this apartment#and that like none of us is stuck here#i will just crash out#my sister contacted the housing company bc of noisy neighbors#and they were like hihihi we cant do anything ^-^ we need OBJECTIVE information abt it tihihihi#so sorry!!!! have a nice day :)))))#so like yeah ppl can torture u but there is nothing u can do abt it#so the moment we all have somewhere else to go#im gonna play loud music (imma even buy loudspeakers)#i will take a basketball from outside and throw it at the walls and ceiling in the middle of the night#i will throw twigs at their windows#and 'accidentally' drop litter and garbage outside their doors#i will scream and i will use a hammer to bang on stuff#i will also be doing this all hours at the day#esp during the night bc thats when they like go to bed haha. good luck sleeping bitches<33333#i will move around furniture and throw stuff around#im gonna do everything in my power to fuck w them as much as i can#what are they gonna do??? they cant contact the housing company bc they wont do anything#plus even so.. will the evict me? but im already moving tihihihihi ^-^#i fucking hate these demon cunts that pose as my neighbors and psychologically torture me year after year#i will fuck w them as much as i can. i hate them. i only wish the worst of hell and suffering upon these fucking pieces of shits
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At no time of the year do I feel more homicidal than on the days around New Year's Eve. I hope that anyone who sets off fireworks at any time other than midnight on New Year's Eve manages to blow their own head off with them. And then people say shit like "I'm not going to let a few cowardly animals and jumpy people spoil my fun”. If it was just midnight on New Year's Eve, hmmm, uhh, I'd still think it's a fucking primitive and stupid tradition to put pyrotechnics in the hands of drunk amateurs (a few die every year and dozens of apartments and houses burn down oh well), BUT I probably wouldn't be quite so fucking angry, ok. BUT IT'S NOT JUST MIDNIGHT, IT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING WEEK AROUND NEW YEAR'S EVE. On the day itself it's easily seven hours in which not 3 minutes go by without an explosion AND I LIVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE. When we lived in the city it was a fucking war zone.
For years we've been spending New Year's Eve stuck in the most soundproofed room in the house (in the city apartment it was the mini bathroom where we squeezed in front of the running washing machine with the dog - for hours), listening to incredibly annoying loud music to somehow drown out the fucking explosions outside and calming panicked dogs. This year my mom finally got a proper tranquilizer for her dog who has even peed in the apartment in the past bc of his extreme panic (which he would never do otherwise) so hopefully he will be more calm this time. My dog was completely bulletproof until last year and had no problem with fireworks, then last New Year's Eve a fucking neighbor boy set off a firecracker just as we were coming around the corner (at 6pm!!! which was the latest we dared to go out) and unfortunately she has been extremely scared ever since. For the last two weeks I've been carrying pieces of carrot everywhere (she loves them) so that I can throw one down her throat every time there's a bang, but unfortunately that only helps to a limited extent. We also play the sound of fireworks through speakers to desensitize them, but the dogs can tell that it's not the real thing.
“Blabla go somewhere else then for the night”. 1. as I said, it's not just one night. 2. you can't escape that shit. There is NO place in this fucking country where you are guaranteed to escape the fireworks. Ohh yes it's forbidden in old town centers - Ok, but nobody actually sticks to it. Ohh look on the islands here it's restricted - Yes, but nobody cares. The police doesnt even do shit to offenders. The damn national park where rare animal species live, which is a nature reserve, etc. ASKS its visitors not to use fireworks - ASKS!!!! WHAT????? I hate this fucking holiday so much.
#i literally heard firework go off right now omg i'm going insane#if i kill someone some day it's gonna be on new years eve#the most dangerous cruel pathetic egotistical tradition ever#everyone who has to have his hand or arms amputated bc he himself burnt off fireworks deserves it idc#fuck around and find out#i just feel bad for the innocent ppl who also get hurt/killed each year like run over by drunk drivers or having rockets thrown at them#and the poor animals#i am so angry i fucking hate humans#personal#wish me luck that ill be able to sleep tonight#last night there was firework shortly after midnight and then i spent an hour petting my scared dog#she fell back asleep faster than me though in the end lol
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My campus had a mental health "spooktacular" and I only went bc one of my classes is fuckall and wants us to do shit on campus but I copped a cute lil coloring book so I guess it wasn't too bad
#dumb fuck ted talk#i have no school friends so i just grabbed something and dipped i lowkey feel bad#can my irl friends just come to school with me ffs#like even the people i went to high school with. the ones i knew just started working after graduating and like. same i did that. no shade#but now that i'm trying to finish it's just so weird being on a big kid campus surrounded by a bunch of newborn adults#and like. i kinda wish i didn't want a “real job” bc now i gotta put in real effort and i kinda sorta wanna really really not#like. bro. c'mooonnnn. i already have work experience just give me the degree so i can get my joooobbbbb i hate it heeerrreee#is this my sign to go back to therapy#just might be#i could very well be losing it#unless this is the period hormones controlling my feelings. or is is it my real feelings controlling my feelings. the world may never know#either way. will be coloring when i get home before starting my papers. wish me luck#rain's daily issue
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daily Whistlepaw until gr becomes PoV day 1322

I just love Greek So Much
#warrior cats#whistlepaw#windclan#medicine cat apprentice#Greek linguistics exam tomorrow#Wish me luck. I will need it#Fucking exam at 8:30 in the morning#This is inhumane and I hate it and don't want to do this and didn't study well (I never do for linguistics)#And urgh#Also had to be tired today in the hopes of going to bed at a Reasonable Time tonight (lmao as if)#So this isn't the most fun of days tbh
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hm i think it's one of those days where absolutely everthing went wrong. like i did the whole thing wrong. every little thing. i think this calls for just going to bed, pretending none of this happened and trying again tomorrow 😭
#awful awful day 0/10 would not recommend makes you want to hide under a rock for 20 years or so i feel hate in my heart rn#BUT!!! let it be known that i also baked some muffins and they were fucking perfect <33#maybe all the goodness of the day went into those muffins and it took from me all i had to offer this day#now i'm just done and i can't try anything else#wish me luck attempting to go back to life tomorrow ✌️
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\m/
#I'm annoyed#I know he's not bragging#but my friend told me he was able the get a ticket for the Def Leppard concert in the pit#I mean great for him!#but also#must be fucking nice to be able to afford that#yes I am a little jealous I won't lie#I don't hate him tho#hell he helped me see KISS's last shows!#I'm forever grateful!#but honestly I don't think I can go to another concert with him for a while#I'd still like to go but fuck going to Fenway#I said before I wasn't going back to Boston or NY by myself and I meant it#I'm looking into the concert at Hershey Park#I've never been to Hershey!#I missed Guns but hopefully I won't miss this!#wish me luck!
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actually can i complain again. it's about relationships this time though
#i hate how inexperienced i am with relationships -_- like every time i'm like. oh i'm not sure how to perform in a relationship i hope you#aren't too bothered by it. if it's ok i'd like to take things slowly! and they're always nice n go yeah that sounds fine it's ok if you#if you aren't super experienced ^-^ and then when it becomes the slightest issue they get kinda distant -_- i wish i knew what i was doing#i wish i could just rush in without caution but nooo im too scared to do anything. no hope#and it doesnt fucking help that i almost never fall in love because if i could date more people i'm sure that'd help. at least to gain#experience. but i can't because if i don't love someone i can't date them. and good fucking luck trying to get me to fall in love back 😑
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#i have my first driving test thing next week and im not prepared at all and im freaking out 👍#my mom says she'll try to postpone but idk if they'll let her because that fucks up their whole schedule#i really dont wanna cry/panic in front of rhe driving instructor that would be really embarrassing i cant handle that#ive only been driving twice i cried both times so this will be super fun#and for some fucking reason they make you go on an INTERSECTION. ON THE FIRST DRIVE??#because they expect you to already know how to drive before you've been in driving school which makes no sense and i hate it#so yeah. wish me luck.
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Starting a new job! At my current job. But hopefully this'll make it so I can afford to only need this job.
#so i work at an axe throwing bar#im the concierge. i take groups and assign them to axe pros and provide info to any curious people walking in and etc#its a good time#but its only 18-30 hours a week#not super consistent and not super maintainable if i want to pay my rent#i like being able to pay my rent#an axe pro just peft and we're looking for a new one#i asked my manager if i could do it and she said yeah#my understanding is that ill be concierge and axe pro#and hopefully thatll result in more hours!!#indeed is hell. if i never go on that site again itll be too soon#i hate job hunting#its so degrading#'beg to work at our company. you didnt beg well enough. youll never hear from us again'#so hopefully this works out! i have a coffee addiction that i need to feed#and a puppy and two rats to provide for#and rent. fuck rent and fuck my landlord#wish me luck with this paycheck shit!
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hyperfixations are all fun and games until it's 4 a.m. and you've been doing the same thing for 8 hours straight and you have to wake up in 5 hours for work.
#damien.txt#this is about baldur's gate 3. ive played about a full day's worth of time in the last 3 days#while also working & going to classes. so. fucking crazy person behavior#im going to hate myself so much. i have a whole ass essay due tomorrow night too which i have not written#because i have. once again. been entirely hyperfocused on baldur's gate 3#holy fuck the effort it took just now to get off and lay down in bed..... i literally had the 'oh i should go to sleep' thought 2 hours ago#here we are i guess. wish me luck everyone bc i think im going to die in the morning
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