#wish me luck that ill be able to sleep tonight

[scentofpines]

At no time of the year do I feel more homicidal than on the days around New Year's Eve. I hope that anyone who sets off fireworks at any time other than midnight on New Year's Eve manages to blow their own head off with them. And then people say shit like "I'm not going to let a few cowardly animals and jumpy people spoil my fun”. If it was just midnight on New Year's Eve, hmmm, uhh, I'd still think it's a fucking primitive and stupid tradition to put pyrotechnics in the hands of drunk amateurs (a few die every year and dozens of apartments and houses burn down oh well), BUT I probably wouldn't be quite so fucking angry, ok. BUT IT'S NOT JUST MIDNIGHT, IT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING WEEK AROUND NEW YEAR'S EVE. On the day itself it's easily seven hours in which not 3 minutes go by without an explosion AND I LIVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE. When we lived in the city it was a fucking war zone.

For years we've been spending New Year's Eve stuck in the most soundproofed room in the house (in the city apartment it was the mini bathroom where we squeezed in front of the running washing machine with the dog - for hours), listening to incredibly annoying loud music to somehow drown out the fucking explosions outside and calming panicked dogs. This year my mom finally got a proper tranquilizer for her dog who has even peed in the apartment in the past bc of his extreme panic (which he would never do otherwise) so hopefully he will be more calm this time. My dog was completely bulletproof until last year and had no problem with fireworks, then last New Year's Eve a fucking neighbor boy set off a firecracker just as we were coming around the corner (at 6pm!!! which was the latest we dared to go out) and unfortunately she has been extremely scared ever since. For the last two weeks I've been carrying pieces of carrot everywhere (she loves them) so that I can throw one down her throat every time there's a bang, but unfortunately that only helps to a limited extent. We also play the sound of fireworks through speakers to desensitize them, but the dogs can tell that it's not the real thing.

“Blabla go somewhere else then for the night”. 1. as I said, it's not just one night. 2. you can't escape that shit. There is NO place in this fucking country where you are guaranteed to escape the fireworks. Ohh yes it's forbidden in old town centers - Ok, but nobody actually sticks to it. Ohh look on the islands here it's restricted - Yes, but nobody cares. The police doesnt even do shit to offenders. The damn national park where rare animal species live, which is a nature reserve, etc. ASKS its visitors not to use fireworks - ASKS!!!! WHAT????? I hate this fucking holiday so much.

[humongousabysmal]

Gonna sleep in fetal position tonight hopefully I’ll die in my sleep and wake up reborn fully conscious in the womb where i am able to complete operate my mother like a robot machine and for me there will be a control panel already ready full of various buttons and levers and a huge red button in a glass covering labelled “EMERGENCY” it’ll probably shoot me through the stomach but it won’t be gorey or anything the hole in the moms stomach will reveal but a few layers of material starting externally red metal, tons of fake flesh layers, then a hyperrealistic layer of faux skin made of a material that doesn’t exist yet and ill run free umbilical cord still intact and sit in the middle of the road and get run over and start the whole process again why did i control the mom idk it seemed like a cool process like imagine your wife was a robot all this time lol some of you freaks would be into it but that is not the point wish me luck

[ashanbones]

i am ready to fucking loose it bc im sick a g a i n

101.2°f temp, not the highest but still. gods. i feel like shit and im pissed off.

im going to not be able to sleep worth a shit tonight because beast brain will scream at me to keep waking up and make sure im still safe despite being in a bedroom

going to try and trick beast brain into thinking i have another in bed with me by bunding close to plushies and pillows

wish me luck and wish me luck this is just another quick one day illness

bc it. doesn feel like the other recwnt times. almost vaguely feel like i did when i got covid. so im really fuckin hoping thats not it.

[dreamingdemon]

Journal entry #2

today was really agitating i think i woke up at 11 didn't eat until 12 and had leftover pizza and iced coffee then played a lot of pjsk still figuring out the energy stuff and more mini barbie stuff arrived but my mother and me couldn't open it due to my father being awake. at 2 i went to my grandparents house with my whole family when we got there my brother got a wallet with his name engraved on it which was homemade pretty cool but I will hate when I get one because transness and i already have an awesome gay wallet but eventually i snuck away to hang out with the fluffy white cat and play on my phone we took art supplies home which is cool also its 9 days away from airis birthday card i've got 20 k so far i think i'll make it or at least i hope after dinner which i didn't eat i waited for my father to got to sleep like he said he would but he didn't until FUCKING 1 AM oh i was able to play some level 27 songs on pjsk today i just finished making pin they don't have the backs yet but still homemade pjsk merch wow this entry is shorter than the last one if i can do this for a week straight i'll make a tag for these entries think i'm gonna try and have 0 caffeine tomorrow i guess ill go to sleep in a couple minutes my plan is to get up at 7 so me and my mother can open the barbie stuff wish me luck wait tf nobody is reading this so idk why im asking the void for luck like literally nobody will read all this shit i played with dolls last night like i used to (granted they were miniature) kinda reminds me of talking to ai but more control and a little too much loneliness 6.5 out of 10 will probably do again i lost one of the lipstick caps for the miniature barbie stuff and i'm sad about it but ill find it tonight i hear a lot of noises outside and they scare me but i don't see anything i should go to sleep so i stop being so paranoid i have trash to pick up GOODNIGHT