#wish i could tell all the higher ups at work about my mental struggles BUT ALSO don't want them to think i'm making excuses
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still hung up on the sum of all these stupid mistakes (once again somehow messing up calling in sick which led to logistical and staffing issues and just a whole damn mess in general, the failed joke making it seem like i hate my boss/job) having almost cost me my job tbh. that was the biggest kicker.
like yeah I wouldn't have been out of employment instantly BUT if people were more strict I would've gotten an official warning letter for this current bunch of mistakes. which could be the first step to losing my job if i keep messing up. like. a tangible thing. a letter. black on white.
(also the way this discussion was started. "just wanted to ask: do you like working this job?" me, not sensing anything wrong answer yes. and then "doesn't seem that way to me because reason xyz" and I get it I totally get it!!!!! i get how all of this combined can come across as a total asshole move from an outside perspective!!!! I should know better I should do better. I am an adult human being of 28 years after all. I'm fully grown. but. there's so much I still have to learn and experience for the first time at 28 because in my childhood and teen years I was too busy getting bullied by peers for being weird, getting punished by my parents for being mentally ill and having annoying symptoms and not being normal or functional and making their life hell and disappointing them, and constantly thinking about killing myself to properly socialise and learn conflict navigation/resolution skills and so many other crucial things that a normal 28 year old should know....
I feel so stupid and underequipped and just not fit for society. you know nothing you stupid little thing
#ugh... i don't like myself tonight#glad i have the day off tomorrow. idk if i could jump right back into work mode#wish i could tell all the higher ups at work about my mental struggles BUT ALSO don't want them to think i'm making excuses#because whenever i tried to explain my weirdness everyone always assumes it's just an excuse to be an asshole...#i don't wanna be an asshole. never. ever. but no matter what i do or don't do. people tend to assume the worst and idk. makes me wanna kms#similar thing happened when i made a mistake and people were mad at me#assumed i did it on purpose and when i cried because of all the stress i got accused of trying to garner sympathy#<- main reason i cannot physically cry anymore#augh... no matter what i do or don't do... it's always wrong...
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Message from your future spouses higher self 🌹

Hi everyone! It’s been so long since I posted a PAC. So sorry! My mental health hasn’t been great. But I finally mustered up some motivation for a reading today. This is whatever your future spouses higher self wants to bring to light to you. Let’s go! Pick a vinatge image below for your pile. (Side note, a lot of the piles were very similar, so if you feel drawn to more than one, go for it!)
Pile 1: The message your future spouse’s higher self wants to tell you is that that are genuinely so proud on how far you have come in life. They can’t wait to finally meet you, they say that your union isn’t super far away. They want to let you know that once they come into your life, they’ll be your biggest cheerleader and number one support. They think you are the most beautiful, graceful, and talented person they’ve ever met. They wish they could just hold you all night. They want to let you know that your relationship is not one sided at all, even though it may come off that way when you two first meet. They just love you so much! They also pick up that you haven’t been emotionally feeling great, they are here to remind you how beautiful of a person you are and why they fell in love with you. They really want to emphasize how true their connection is with you. That’s all Pile 1, I hope this resonated.
Pile 2: Your future spouses higher self wants you to know that whatever struggles your dealing with right now are about to end. They know how amazing you are and are telling you they have 100% faith that you will get through whatever is going on. They are letting you know divine timing is on your side, and things are going unfold into a happy place naturally. They admire how you’ve been handling everything with such grace, they think you are so beautiful/handsome for this. They are telling you to look for signs (birds and rabbits for some reason may resonate) of your union coming closer. Just hold on a little longer! Even outside of your love life, good offers and opportunities are coming to you, and you need to embrace them is what your future spouse is saying. Materially, you are in for a really good time, and it’s going to get even better once they come into your life. Your future spouse is well off, and will try to share this with you by giving gifts and taking you to nice places and such when you first meet/start dating. They are here to tell you that are very excited for you guys to meet and are very excited. That’s all Pile 2, I hope this resonated!
Pile 3: Your future spouses higher self wants your to trust your gut more and believe in yourself! They love every part of you and are asking you to not be so ashamed of yourself. You are a hard and generous worker, and they want you to start recognizing your power and your influence. You bring so much positive energy into your family and friends lives, and especially theirs. They want to tell you they just love you so deeply. They want to let you know when they come into your life, they will rush in so fast. (The Elvis song came to mind lmao). They want you to be patient with them as they are charmer and experienced at love, but have their fallacies sometimes. They like to put you on a pedestal I see. They want to remind you to keep making good choices in your life. Your skill and dedication to things is something they admire and wish for you to keep up. Keep up the good work is what they say! That’s all Pile 3, I hope it resonated!
Pile 4: Your future spouses higher self wants to be more assertive for yourself in love so you can attract them into your life sooner. They are ITCHING to just meet you already. They consider themselves lucky knowing you are their future partner. Your future spouse is saying to keep your standards high and to not settle for breadcrumbs. The relationship they are about to give you will be beautiful and the romance of a lifetime, but you need to trust the process. As you both balance your lives and keep moving forward, the closer this connection gets. You are a natural born leader and they want you to assert and put yourself or there more. You have such a bright future ahead of you right now, and they just wanna tell you that you should be excited and happy. They think that you’ve been doing a good job, but wanted to serve this to you as a huge reminder. You bring so much life and light into people’s lives and you have amazing gifts, they are screaming at you to start using them! That’s all Pile 4, I hope it resonated.
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— Realistic Random Headcanons
Ft. Bakugo and Izuku
Synopsis: Random headcanons (general and romantic) for Bakugo and Izuku that I feel like make more sense based on their canon characters
TW: Swearing, topics of mental health (depression and anxiety nothing super dark though)
Note: Credit to @4kh for helping me with these :) btw these are just my personal interpretations of the characters and what I think makes sense following their canons instead of fanon (I also use their fanon personas a lot but again these are what I feel like would actually make more sense!)
— BAKUGO
⇶ Realistically, I feel like Katsuki would be aroace
⇶ At first, it comes off as him simply being too goal driven and motivated to make space in his life for romance
⇶ But truthfully, all his life he simply never related to how his peers would trip over their feet because of a crush
⇶ Sure, he found people pretty or handsome, but he could never find it in him to become even the slightest bit romantically invested
⇶ He tried to, just to feel what others around him felt for even a moment, but It never worked
⇶ At first, he chopped it up to simply not finding the right person. But as he got older and as he went through high school still never having any sort of attraction to anyone, he accepted that romantic attraction was simply something he wasn’t into
⇶ Struggles with depression and anxiety
⇶ It all started when he got to UA. Constantly having your life under threat, feeling like you ended the career of your idol, not feeling good enough, and more, take a toll on you.
⇶ Katsuki’s depression is not at all visible, you have to really know him to tell. He puts on a tough guy act and does what he needs to do, but he feels like a zombie
⇶ He’d much rather rot away in bed most days than even think about training, but he knows it’ll do him no good
⇶ Since he grew up with people always telling him how strong he is, he tries to gaslight himself into thinking he’s not depressed. He knows he is, but as long as he’s going about life like all is good and well, he’s not (to him at least)
⇶ His anxiety stems from getting kidnapped and having his life personally threatened on multiple occasions from such a young age
⇶ He’s always looking over his shoulder, afraid that someone is going to come out and make an attempt on his life
⇶ Katsuki would talk about it to someone, but he’s scared that getting too close to people would also put their lives in danger, and the thought of letting people know that he’s secretly weak physically pains him
⇶ As he gets older, he realizes how fucked up it all was that those things were happening to not just him, but his classmates as well. And yet, they were still expected to go back to class and act as of all was well after almost being killed not even 24 hours prior
⇶ Holds a lot of resentment towards Nezu and other higher ups, he wishes they would have at least put them through therapy after everything.
⇶ However, he doesn’t have any bad blood with Aizawa or All Might or any of his teachers over it because he understands that certain things were out of even their power, and that if they could’ve they would’ve. Some of them gave their lives protecting students, they shouldn’t be at blame
⇶ It’s not secret that Katsuki has an aggressive nature, but he is a very caring and compassionate person, and he tries to make an effort to show it even if it come off a bit harsh
⇶ Calls his friends dumb, extras, and says he hates them, but thankfully, many of them know that he doesn’t really mean it
⇶ And if they don’t know, they will eventually because his actions speak much louder than his words
⇶ Katsuki remembers birthdays, special events, always comes through when invited to things, gives thoughtful gifts, and more
⇶ He takes on all love languages (accept words of affirmation, that’ll take him some time) when giving affection towards others
⇶ The love language that takes all for him is physical touch
⇶ But unfortunately, he’s very adverse to being touched because of trauma, and only makes physical contact with family and close friends
⇶ When he does give an occasional hug, he makes it last and you’ll know it’s special (he gives really good hugs too)
⇶ It seems far fetched, but Katsuki actually doesn’t like to yell
⇶ Yes, he yells a lot, a majority of the time in fact
⇶ But it’s always over really dumb or unnecessary things, and that’s the entire point.
⇶ When Katsuki is serious about something, or genuinely angry, he hardly even raises his voice
⇶ He’s smarter than that, and knows it’ll only aggravate the situation
⇶ Very self aware, and because of that, he knows he can have a temper! Always takes a moment to himself when something upsets him, and then comes back later to talk about it properly so he can avoid blowing up at the other person
⇶ This is especially the case if it’s someone close to him, Katsuki would hate to damage a good relationship over something that can be resolved
⇶ If the other person keeps pressuring him as he’s trying to take time for himself, then yes, he will raise his voice. But it’s more firm than anything, and he does it to get them to give him space
⇶ If they keep pushing, or he just very in the heat of the moment, he will start yelling
⇶ Katsuki doesn’t like to go to bed angry either
⇶ Always make sure that his issue with someone else is resolved as quickly as possible, because if it’s not, it most likely never will be
⇶ If he’s in the wrong, he’ll acknowledges it and apologizes… in his own way
⇶ Normally, his apologies consist of him being overly attentive towards the person over the next few days until he feels like they aren’t upset with him anymore and he no longer feels guilty
⇶ On the surface level, Katsuki is your average arrogant, ambitious, hot head, but there’s a lot more to his simple facade
— MIDORIYA
⇶ Such a lover boy and hopeless romantic when it comes to relationships
⇶ Everyone knows he gets crushes easily, but a lot of them are just for the sake of slicing up his life, he doesn’t actually want a relationship with that person
⇶ Admires a lot of people from afar because of this, and he’ll gush over people he’s never even spoken a word to
⇶ It sounds corny, but he really doesn’t care about anything physically, he looks for personality
⇶ Sees no point in being attracted to someone just because they have a pretty face if their personality is awful
⇶ Likes people who kind of act like him, sweet, caring, motivated, a bit outgoing. and has similar interests
⇶ If you don’t act like him, he gravitates towards people who may contrast his personality too
⇶ You still have to be nice or at least have basic decency, but if you’re more reserved, and prefer to keep to yourself instead of being around people, he‘lil still like you
⇶ When Izuku is in a relationship, he’s a very good boyfriend
⇶ He’s attentive, always knowing what you need and what you like. He doesn’t forget dates, birthdays, or other important things
⇶ But he’ll need that energy in return or else he’ll lose interest in the relationship
⇶ Izuku has struggled with both depression and anxiety his entire life
⇶ He was always an anxious kid, and at first, Inko chopped it up to him just being a bit shy or having mood swings
⇶ But eventually, he was diagnosed with anxiety at a very very young age
⇶ It’s manageable, most days, thankfully, because his determination to do better for himself outweighs it
⇶ But his bad days are bad, to the point where they’re so debilitating that he can’t do anything but lay in bed all day in an attempt to be calm and not trigger an anxiety attack
⇶ Took medication for it at some point, but got really bad side effects from it and now chooses to just deal with it on his own
⇶ Izuku was diagnosed with depression a few years after he was diagnosed with anxiety
⇶ It developed shortly after his quirk didn’t develop, and he was being relentlessly bullied at school for being quirkless, and then coming home to see hero’s like All Might do great things while he was literally and figuratively powerless
⇶ His depression only got worse as he grew up and was still getting bullied for being quirkless
⇶ Somehow, Izuku doesn’t resent Bakugo or any of his bullies, and really doesn’t even think of them much as he gets older
⇶ For Bakugo, he doesn’t necessarily forgive him, but he learns to put it in the past for as long as Bakugo can acknowledge that what he did was wrong and can’t be taken back
⇶ As for his other bullies, he believes they’ll get whatever they deserve. He thinks they’re assholes, sure, but they were dumb kids at the time so he puts that behind him too
⇶ During the summer he spent training with All Might to inherit One For All, his mental health got better than he ever thought it would
⇶ Inko had no clue what was happening that entire time, but she could see a different light in her sons eyes and seeing him happy made her cry every night for the entire summer
⇶ Unfortunately, his mental health once again tanked when he was at UA due to all the villain attacks and the way his life was constantly being threatened more than anyone else’s
⇶ He was so exhausted all the time, and would have one or more anxiety attacks on a daily basis
⇶ Izuku is fairly emotional as is, even around others, but he keeps his deeper issues private and takes a moment to himself when even feels like he’s imploding
⇶ Wants to talk about it with someone, he really does, but he doesn’t even know where he’d begin and he doesn’t want to dump all that on anyone
⇶ Inko did put him through therapy as a kid, but he was in and out of it for various reasons, but the main one was money
⇶ Therapy is expensive, and Inko is a single mother. She put him through therapy when she could but there were times were she just couldn’t make it happen as badly as she wanted to get her son help
⇶ Once he got to UA and was very obviously doing much worse, she offered to start paying for therapy again and he completely refused
⇶ He’s always felt bad that she had to spend so much money trying to figure things out with him. Why he had no quirk, his depression, his anxiety, and therapy, he didn’t want her doing all that for him even though she felt obliged has his mother
⇶ At that point, Izuku felt like the responsibility landed on the school to make sure their students were being properly taken care of, mentally and physically, with everything they were going through during their time there
⇶ Doesn’t resent anyone for not doing anything, but he definitely wishes it was handled much better for the sake of everyone
⇶ But if you’re his s/o he will lean on you for support. He won’t tell you everything, because he doesn’t want to put all of that weight on you, but he will vent a little and cry to you
⇶ You can use him as a shoulder to lean on as well of course, and don’t think that you can’t come to him just because he’s dealing with his own things. If anything, it makes him feel better that you trust him enough to support you when you’re vulnerable
⇶ Izuku is a giver.
⇶ He gives, gives, gives, and gives without thinking about himself
⇶ Loves to give his friends little gifts, always coming back from the store with their favorite snack because he saw it on the shelf or a trinket that reminded him of them
⇶ Because he pays so much attention to detail, his gifts are always good
⇶ Insanely good at birthday gifts, if you ever don’t know what to get someone he’s the one you need to call
⇶ He will never get you a gift you don’t like, and if he somehow does, he’ll immediately replace it with w something you do like
⇶ Won’t even get the metal of your jewelry wrong, who do you think he is?
⇶ If you’re his s/o, you’ll be spoiled to death
⇶ He always pays for everything and never even lets you worry about how much it is
⇶ If you ever find out the price of something he bought you, and proceed to ask why he spent so much money on you, he’ll get upset and ask why you don’t want him spending money on you especially if it’s by choice
⇶ Gift giving and acts of service are his main love languages, so he gets very offended if you question him. It’s like asking if he even loves you, and he loves you to death.
⇶ On the other hand, Izuku gets very uncomfortable when people spend any amount of money on him or do things for him
⇶ Doesn’t even like to get birthday gifts or have people throw him parties, because he knows that means people will be spending money on him
⇶ It comes from growing up with a single mother who made just enough for them to live a decent life, he’ll always appreciate the gesture, but it will never not make him uncomfortable.
⇶ This is especially the case if you’re dating him. His birthday and holidays are the only time you’re allowed to spend your money on him, and even then you can’t spend an excessive amount
⇶ Izuku WILL get angry if you do, he won’t yell at you or anything, but he’ll huff about how you shouldn’t waste your money on him for the rest of the day
⇶ Izuku is a sweet boy, really. But as bubbly as he is even he needs someone to depend on, and in turn he’ll give you his all
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You should know this already
So, I have several degrees. This isn't a humble brag. It is what is required to teach in Higher Ed. I did the work. I earned the degrees. I was a student over and over and I learned and I learned so that I could, one day, like say, today, impart my knowledge to a student who wishes to learn from me. Maybe not me per se but someone like me. Someone who is an expert in a particular field who can help people become better at something.
This is the job I do. This is the job I just did ten minutes before I sat down to write this. I have a student who is riding the struggle bus at the moment with this unit's concepts. To help out, I've spoken to her, met with her virtually, chatted with her on the phone, and today, replied with a detailed email.
I have the privilege to do my job, but I worked my ass off and made huge mistakes along the way and now, here I am, in the Ivory Tower, trying to take it apart bit by bit so that it can be built again, stronger than before.
I teach. That is what I do. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am a professor who doesn't profess. I teach. I like to actually find out what my students need and I work with them to crack the code. Does it take more time? Yeah. It does. Is it the right thing to do? I mean, I guess it depends on each person who sits on my side of the desk, but I think this is the job.
A few things drive me crazy about my colleagues. OK. Way more than a few. I wrote a whole book about it because my list is so long. I should say ONE of the things that drives me crazy is when one of them says to a student "You should know this already."
For those who have never been insulted with this bullshit line, here is what it sounds like.
Student: Um...Professor Fuckhead, I am really struggling with subject/verb agreement. You keep telling me that I am doing it wrong, but I just don't really get what you are saying. Professor Fuckhead: That was something you should have learned in elementary school at best or middle school at worst. I don't have time for that. I'm not teaching you English, I'm teaching you how to write effectively.
Yeah, so, Professor Fuckhead isn't wrong about a lot of that, BUT, he should take a few minutes to help out. He totally has the time. The class only meets 2.5 hours per week. All kinds of fucking time. Beside, the fact remains the student doesn't know it and s/he/y is asking for help. So, it is Fuckhead's fucking job to help. I'm not suggesting that Fuckhead needs to set up private tutoring sessions for this struggling student, but the internet is vast and the resources are free.
If it were me, I would say something like:
Page 22 in the free handbook I send you all on day one of the class should give you a lot of insight. Also, Grammar Girl has some excellent videos and resources that can help you refresh your skills. Let's look at a few instances in your writing where you are doing it wrong and then you can look at the resources and you can try to find the others in your paper. I'm not going to fix them for you, but I will show you how you can fix them.
I didn't shame the student. I didn't put up a wall. I didn't do the work for h/er/m either. I gave some help. I showed the student how to fix the problem and shared some resources because, yes, the student should know this already. This is college BUT s/he/y is struggling.
I know I can pass the course I am teaching. That is sort of the point of getting all the degrees. At some point, someone with more degrees than me took a moment to explain things to me that I didn't know even if I "should" have known it.
The world is big and our brains are stuffed with a lot of shit. I know that Brian May is both a rock god AND an astrophysicist. Is that helpful? No. Could I have used that mental space to remember something someone taught me when I was 9? Maybe.
Instead, I listened to Queen and then I asked a question of someone who knew more than me and while I was told on many occasions by Professor Fuckhead that I should know that already, thankfully, I had plenty of teachers who decided to take five minutes to help me out. Seems only right that I pay that forward.
#educationisaright
#college#higher ed#higher education#learning#professors#teachers#teaching#higherlearning#elearning#academia
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hi mae, i have a question, however if it's too much feel free to ignore this. i want to write books and other things, but the problem is in high school i wasn't the best at english, the highest grade i'd ever gotten was 71 and lowest was 65. it wasn't until after high school did i really start to like writing. my question is would it be wise to study literature in univeristy or should i continue to develop that skill on my own?
Oof, this is a big question--while I do feel like I have some insights having studied English/literature in college and having considered writing professionally before, I definitely would listen to yourself and the people who know your situation before anything I say lovely
First of all, this sucks but I do want to caution you--there is practically no money in book writing. It's a massively undervalued industry. Here's how my creative writing prof explained it to me: if you manage to get an agent and a book deal, on average your advance will be about $10,000 (depending, of course, on many factors, but that is about the average) and only after your book makes back that much in sales do you start getting a small cut of the book sales (we're talking cents per book), so even if you manage to publish a book per year, they'd have to be wildly popular for that income to sustain you in most situations. Sorry, I know that's really negative, but I wish someone had told me that when I was younger. I still love writing (obviously haha), but if you'd like to make that your career you may have to mentally prepare for some struggle.
That aside, I don't think performance in high school english classes is a real indicator of your writing ability. Really, no one can grade writing--it's too subjective, and if you want to go into creative writing it's not so much a matter of what's correct as what's yours and what people enjoy (I would also say it's most important what you enjoy, because ideally you'll get more out of it than anyone). There's also a possibilty you'll excel at collegiate level english courses, because in my experience those were a whole different thing than what I had in high school. My own opinion is that studying what appeals to you is really worthwhile no matter what your career ends up being, because you'll never regret learning those things that light you up--but, unfortunately, that's sort of dependent on your financial situation and how much of college is about learning/enjoyment for you versus the need of a degree to get a higher-paying job. Because I don't know your circumstance or your priorities, I can't even begin to guess what might be best for you.
If you're unsure, there may also be the option of starting in literature and transfering to another college if you feel it's not working out, or doing a double major or a minor so you can study two things! If you'd like to continue working on it on your own, though, I really think that works too. Writing is art--people can teach you the rules of standard american english, but no one can teach you how to do your art in your way (we do still live in a society where SAE is valued more and tends to sell better, which is a valid point, but I still think you could do it on your own if you wanted to).
Sorry, this is terribly long and my pragmatism is perhaps showing a tad too much--I want to do the best I can of telling you your options through my observations and experiences, but I really had the best time ever studying english at college and I miss those classes and discussions all the time. So there's what I know, and I hope it helps inform your decision some. Love you <3
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Down Bad Song Analysis
Did you really beam me up/ in a cloud of sparkling dust/ just to do experiments on/ tell me I was the chosen one/ showed me that this world is bigger than us/ then sent me back where I came from?
The entire first verse is a question. It is saying “Why would you tell me you love me and then abandon me?” I love the the metaphor of scientific experiments here to mean that he really fucked with her head and played games with her. He lied to her for fun, just to see if he could get with her. And when he won the game, he got bored and discarded her. This the the story that we see repeated throughout the album in songs like My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys and loml. This time, the story is told with the metaphor of an alien abduction. Being in space was fantastical, an experience known to very few humans. But once she is returned to earth, she is never quite the same.
For a moment I knew cosmic love
I love this line, I think it’s so pretty. A moment of appreciation for “for a moment I knew cosmic love”. It was something indescribable, the kind of love where you feel your entire soul ascend to a higher level of being. It’s a spiritual, transformative experience. But it only lasts for a moment.
Now I’m down bad crying at the gym
The phrase “down bad” has a double—meaning here. Sometimes when people say “down bad” it is because they have been badly injured, like a soldier who has been shot on the battlefield. The other meaning is someone who is desperately crushing on another. Taylor plays with both meanings here. She is in love and hurting because she is in love. I also want to note the contrasts between the lines “For a moment I knew cosmic love” and “Now I’m down bad crying at the gym”. The prior line talking about something other worldly and magic, and the second line talking about something so mundane like working out at the gym. Even sonically, the lines contrast one another. Taylor sings “for a moment I knew cosmic love” in a high, airy, romantic melody. But “Now I’m down bad crying at the gym” is sung in a more monotone and bitter voice, highlighting the struggle of having to go back to your everyday routine after something so devastating happening to you, which is something I know a lot of people can relate to.
Everything comes out teenage petulance/ fuck it if I can’t have him/ I might just die it would make no difference
“Teenage petulance” means being immature in temper and dramatic. Do you remember when you were a teenager and everything happening to you felt like the end of the world? Taylor follows up this line by showing her teenage petulance with “fuck it if I can’t have him”. Taylor doesn’t just tell with her songwriting, she shows us. “Fuck it” is so dramatic and blunt and rude. In fact, this song holds the record for the most “fuck”s used in a Taylor Swift song. That fact alone highlighting the teenage petulance of it all. In the clean version of this song, the line is changed to a question and answer: “What if I can’t have him? I might just die, it would make no difference”. This is one of those instances where I feel both the explicit and the clean version maintain the meaning of the song. The “fucks” drive home the drama, and the questions show her confused state of mind after the alien abduction.
I’m down bad waking up in blood/ staring at the sky/ come back and pick me up/ fuck it if I can’t have us/ I might not get up/ I might just stay down bad
Here, Taylor describes the violence of the aftermath of the relationship. She uses the physically gory metaphor of her body bleeding out, and then she describes the violence the aftermath of the relationship had on her mentally as she is in almost a catatonic state, staring up at the sky and unable to move, wishing the UFO to come back and save her from this pain.
Did you take all my old clothes/ just to leave me here naked and alone
This line feels like a parallel to “Now I wanna sell my house and set fire to all my clothes” in The Black Dog and “I changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules” in Chloe et al. It’s a pretty common experience for people to want to change their style during a rough time in your life. There are plenty of memes of “the breakup haircut”. Taylor herself has been observed to change up her style after a breakup.
In a field in my same old town/ that somehow seems so hollow now/ they’ll say I’m nuts if I talk about the existence of you
Taylor's relationships always receive media scrutiny. Over the years, she has taken a step back from talking about her love life in interviews and even her own songs, much to the praise of the general public. She is only palatable if she keeps quiet about her pain.
Like I lost my twin/ waving at the ship
When I first heard this line, it made me think of the Evermore album and the ship references on that album, like “I’m like the water when your ship rolled in that night” and “All my waves are being tossed” and in the very next track of TTPD, there is another reference to ships “and you say I abandoned the ship but I was going down with it”. But now I think this is referencing a space ship.
I loved your hostile takeovers/ all your indecent exposures/ encounters closer and closer
This is a reference to the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind, which is about aliens. A hostile takeover and indecent exposure allude to very aggressive, sometimes cruel and rude acts. This parallels the song I Can Fix Him, where she sings "The jokes he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud." You can attribute this to the continuation of the alien abduction - the alien all of a sudden zapped her up to space to rip her body open for un- consensual experimentation, but she misses it. The relationship may also have started very suddenly and passionately, only to end in damage. This line reminds me of “How you’d kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something/ there’s not a day I don’t miss those rude interruptions” from Last Kiss.
How dare you say that its-
The word not spoken here is implied to be “over” based on the rhyme scheme. But Taylor cannot literally even bring herself to say that it’s over. So instead, the next line comes in, louder and more pressured:
I’ll build you a fort on some planet/ where they can all understand it/ how dare you say it’s romantic/ leaving me safe and stranded
Now she is getting desperate, pleading with the alien to come back. The other people in her same old earthly town don’t understand their cosmic love, so she’ll find somewhere else for them to live. Taylor does not want to be left alone, no matter what the justification is. And this parallels one of the reasons one of her relationships crumbled as explored in the very next track on the album.
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Resident evil Yandere Jack Krauser being friends HC please..
By 'Being Friends', I assume you mean platonic?
Yandere! Platonic! Jack Krauser Concept
Pairing: Platonic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Platonic Yandere behavior, Overprotective behavior, Obsessive behavior, Abduction, Implied mental break, Threats.
- Krauser worked in the US army, feeling he can't function normally in society and prefers combat.
- Meaning you most likely befriended Krauser by doing some army time yourself, or at least helping him on a mission somehow.
- A seasoned and experienced soldier, he knows what the world is like.
- B.O.Ws or not he'd seen danger face-to-face.
- It's understandable that Krauser shows some concerned and protective behavior towards you.
- Excusing such behavior as 'looking out for a fellow soldier'.
- "Careful, I'm leading this mission. You getting hurt would be your own fault but It's my job to prevent your death."
- It's hinted by Krauser that he enjoys your company in battle.
- It gets his blood pumping when he sees you by his side, fighting for a common goal.
- Starting as comrades-in-arms you soon become genuine friends.
- Krauser eventually wishing to dedicate some of himself to protecting you.
- If anything happens to you... he isn't sure what he'd do.
- "You'll promise me you'll stay safe in this world, right?"
- It was when Krauser was called to work with Leon in Operation Javier that things truly went downhill.
- You weren't on such a dangerous mission, which would be relieving if Krauser didn't get his arm injured.
- Leaving him to have to retire from the military.
- Not only was Krauser no longer in his element and with a damaged arm...
- He was also away from you.
- Someone he was meant to always stay by and protect.
- You don't reunite until Krauser starts working with Wesker and Saddler.
- He almost freezes when he sees you in the village.
- Working alongside Leon to find the president's daughter, Ashley....
- Leon....
- He wasn't sure if he could trust Leon with you.
- "You're not supposed to be here... You'll die here. Don't tell me Sandler infected you...."
- Krauser then decides to take a little detour.
- Separating you and Leon to abduct you.
- You struggle against the much stronger man only to see who it is.
- Jack Krauser... your old friend who had retired from the army due to an injury....
- He no longer looked injured, in fact, looked stronger than ever.
- Which scared you.
- "What a happy reunion. Wasn't expecting you with Kennedy, that's for sure. No worries, I'm here now."
- Krauser no longer felt like your friend.
- He was obsessive at the fact you were here.
- Claiming he never stopped worrying about you.
- How he and you were still friends after all this time.
- You swore he lost his mind when you two were separated.
- Trying to leave the place he kept you on this island only lead to him grabbing the back of your neck.
- Quickly pulling you towards him before leaning his combat knife on your skin.
- "I'll have none of that. I can't lose you like I did before. From now on, you go where I go. End of discussion."
- Yandere! Krauser is very disciplinary even when Platonic.
- What he says, goes.
- He won't want to hear you fight against his word.
- When you last met, he was your leader, a higher up that cared deeply for you.
- Who's to say that isn't how he'll see you now?
- Someone under his command to protect in this hellish world.
- While you may not like what he has planned for you...
- He's doing it for your own good.
- "It'll be like old times. Just trust me, I won't leave you like I did two years ago."
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Thigh job with Genshin boys - Zhongli
Genre: Smut
Pairing: Fem reader x Zhongli
Knock-Knock-Knock
You are standing in front of the door to Zhongli’s office at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour. Upon knocking, you open the door and peek inside only to see the Archon seated at his desk and hunching over some documents. His form relaxes the moment his eyes cast upon your persona.
„Can I come in?” you ask politely knowing very well that Zhongli would never be capable of saying no to you.
He puts aside the pen that was previously tightly squeezed in the palm of his hands. Eyes glistening and his facial expression a tell-tale sign of excitement which he promptly attempts to hide going back to the customary for him calm facade.
Immovable as a rock and yet his world was shaken the moment you waltzed into it.
Zhongli doesn’t mind though and he revels in the way you made everything the Archon thought he knew to go to rack and ruin.
So, he finds himself inviting you and wreaking more havoc in his hitherto impassive and emotionless millenniums of existence.
„Oh, by all means, please do,” he responds courtly. He straightens up in his armchair gesturing to his lap.
You smile knowingly.
Zhongli but adores having you in his lap. The way your soft body fits in there is glorious and the lord of Geo could narrate hundreds of stories about the marvel of you being sat on his thigh tightly pressed into his sturdy physique.
It is his way of unwinding after a long day or taking a break from work. He would find solace and relaxation with you next to him. It becomes habitual and it just occurs naturally. When he sips his tea, scans through documents, reads a book or wants to tell you some of the stories from his past. You sit on his lap and everything falls into place.
He loves the control this setting gives him and the fact that he can easily do whatever he deems fit when your body is conveniently at his disposal.
And you wouldn’t say no. Whatever his intentions are.
So you come over to the handsome god and with a loud scoff unceremoniously land on his lap while wrapping your arms around his neck.
„What’s the matter my dearest?” he furrows his brows but the little crooked smile doesn’t escape your notice. Zhongli can’t help himself, he thinks that you’re just too adorable and pure for this world.
„Oh, Zhongli!” you cry out, „That little bastard Venti stood m-,”
He clears his throat and gives you a reprimanding glare, „Language my little girl.”
You roll your eyes at his antics and wiggle your butt successfully shifting your position so that your whole weight is now on Zhongli’s right thigh and your legs are hanging in the air on the other side of the armchair. He wraps a protective arm around your middle while his free hand starts caressing your uncovered leg, so nicely exposed by the skirt of your choice.
So once you feel all snug and comfortable you continue dramatically, „Zhongli, but he really stood me up! I needed his help with one commission and I found him as drunk as a skunk. He was so sloshed he fell asleep in the tavern and Kaeya had to escort him home!”
„Is that so?” he cocks an eyebrow but he isn’t surprised at all.
„Yes! I wasted so much time because of this motherf-,”
Zhongli shoots you another look of disapproval and you just smile apologetically.
„He’s never been good at holding his liquor, my Dear,” he states the obvious more preoccupied with the way the plump flesh of your thighs reddens when he squeezes it with his leather-clad hand. He allows himself to roam a bit higher and the skirt does little to prevent his movement.
„Dear,” he says as his lips approach your earlobe, „Have you by any chance forgotten to put on underwear yet again?”
You really love Zhongli’s voice. His low rumbles, deep and husky sounds from the back of his throat always give you goosebumps.
And so this time, you shudder in his embrace like a leaf in the wind.
„No, of course I didn’t,” you respond in your defence.
„Mind if I see?” he asks and pushes your skirt out of the way revealing your naked bum.
He clicks his tongue, feeling you up with his long fingers. The gloves he is wearing create nice friction as he strokes your skin.
„I might have forgotten after all,” you admit even if reluctantly.
Zhongli is a patient man. Throughout the centuries he has learned to remain cool and composed despite the most arduous and trying of times. He would have never guessed that this quality of his would so often come in handy when graced with your presence.
„Pray-tell my Dearest, so you did come here, parading around the streets of my city with no decency in your soul left, only to sit in my lap with your bare bottom?”
This question sounded more like an accusation and was rather rhetorical.
You shrug your shoulders for lack of any better excuse.
The archon takes a deep breath and digs his fingers into the meat of your ass.
„You enjoyed yourself last time, no?” you make a point to remind the lord of Geo of your last visit to his office.
„So vulgar,” he criticizes gazing down and marvelling how your smooth skin contrasts with the material of his black slacks. You would often stain them with your juices when the Archon opts for something more than just telling you stories with you in his lap.
„I trust you know what to do, Love,” he adds once again locking his eyes with yours and then kisses your forehead fondly.
You chuckle having no intentions to make the god wait any longer.
You let your hands slide down to his crotch and unbuckle the belt helping Zhongli get his erection out of the tight black slacks. At times like this, you would internally curse the Archon for his strict dress code but it can’t be helped. Zhongli is as stubborn as a mule when it comes to certain customs.
His cock springs free and you bite your lip openly admiring the ex-Archon. It never ceases to thrill you. His shaft is thick and painfully long with popping veins and a swollen tip. He is just so enormously big it intimidates you. You briefly wonder if it has anything to do with him being a half-dragon and you shudder at the thought mentally taking a note to ask him about that next time he places you in his lap.
Zhongli’s heartbeat quickens when you teasingly stroke his impressive girth, your lips finding his and you crash them together hungrily.
He hums in delight when you slide your thumb over the tip of his penis. You break the kiss and flash a cute grin at your immortal lover.
„I want to please you with my thighs,” you inform him matter-of-factly at which he nods somehow too quickly to match his typical indifferent attitude.
„You spoil me, my little one,” he praises in an erotic timbre and his eyes widen when you lift yourself from his lap and turn around.
„Hold my waist, will you?” you ask for some assistance placing your hands on both sides of the chair.
„Certainly, so,” he obliges.
So with some help on his side, you elevate your bum and reach for his hardened cock to delicately insert it between your warm-to-the-touch thighs. Experimentally, you lift yourself up and then push down letting his erection slide between your legs in a smooth motion. You make sure to smudge the leaking pre-cum all over his shaft so that the Archon doesn’t feel any discomfort.
„How does that feel Zhongli?” you ask glancing behind your back only to see his already fucked-out stare which makes your chest swell in adoration.
His lips are parted and eyes half-closed as he holds onto your waist the way you asked him to.
„Absolutely marvellous, my Dear. Please, do continue, hmm?” he encourages albeit struggles to reply.
You carry on stroking him like that, sometimes pressing your thighs a little tighter and he groans as quiet as he possibly can. Zhongli would despise being caught by Hu-Tao when you rub his cock so expertly.
The pace you decide to torture Zhongli with is sickeningly slow and he’s had enough of playing around for today.
You let out a muffled cried when the Archon grabs you even tighter and forces you down on his dick. He repeats the motion in an animalistic tempo taking pride in the way your ass bounces up and down in front of his eyes.
„Zhongli!” you plead as you feel your legs going numb.
„Bear with me a little longer, Love” he coos.
Your whole body hurts and your arms feel as if they were going to give out any moment.
Fortunately, Zhongli isn’t going to last much longer as the pleasure mixed with pain make him approach the brink he so much desires. With one final thrust and a guttural moan he releases and you can feel his hot load on the inner side of your thighs. Some drops of cum land on your lower belly and face. It’s so messy and you feel how your walls contract around nothing in feverish excitement.
He helps you go back to your previous position with his arms now tightly wrapped around your exhausted body. He enjoys the slight twitching of your weary muscles. He reaches for your chin and forces you to face him.
„Home?” you ask in a desperate plea for him to return the favour. Your body aching for his touch.
„Home,” Zhongli agrees, as indeed, the Archon is unable to turn down any of your wishes.
Other boys:
Albedo
Xiao
Diluc
Kaeya
Childe
Kazuha
#zhongli#zhongli headcanons#zhongli scenarios#zhongli smut#zhongli reader#zhongli x reader#zhongli x you#zhongli you#zhongli genshin impact#genshin impact#genshin smut#genshin headcanons#genshin scenarios#genshin drabbles#genshin imagines#zhongli imagines
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Hi Charity!! I hope you are doing well & enjoying life/2023 :) I haven’t written an ask in a long time but I have been wondering if I am in a loop or a grip (or I don’t even know, maybe I’m another type!)
I’ve been going through a bit of a hard time lately and have had work burnout but have kept going while applying to schools, finishing my current classes, and making time for friends. It’s especially bad for me to get this kind of burnout when I work in something related to educational equity/human rights because it’s so important to me and I would never want to neglect the duties that mean the world to me. However, lately (at work AND school) I’ve been struggling – I’m either super apathetic and trying to show that I feel or super anxious. I’ve always been very warm/gregarious but now I am polite but restrained in an anxious/disinterested way, which is pretty unusual for me.
Could you slow down at all or carve out more time for self-care? It does sound like you are over-worked, extremely stressed, and need to reconnect both to your emotions as an FJ and those around you in a meaningful “feeler” way. Is it vital that you apply to schools while finishing your current classes, or could that wait a few weeks until you are done with this semester? And how good are you at writing down what needs done and prioritizing it? And by that, I mean also making your emotional health a priority. “Time with friends... time to socialize... time to catch up on what’s important....” Start putting that back into your day or week, slowing down and replenishing yourself. Self-care is vital to your mental health.
I am still mostly warm and super friendly and gregarious but I had an anxiety attack while doing something important and was totally spaced out and didn’t seem that friendly. I’m so worried that people might think that I’m dismissing them right now and feel bad, when in reality, my head is just spinning around and around and I feel so worried so much of the time :(
If you are truly concerned about this, tell people the truth -- that you are really swamped right now with work and school and are feeling super overwhelmed; that you really care about them, but are super stressed. They will understand.
I also feel that I am going through the motions and wondering if after all I’m a THINKER (???), since I feel so detached these days. I hate this feeling, because I am usually a very upbeat person but also a strong feeler and now I’m becoming… not those things. I need to be there for my friends and actually do a good job at networking and mentor ships and I just feel like I can’t do anything anymore.
No, not a thinker ;) Just a feeler feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
To make things worse, I’m screwing it up professionally. I’m usually composed and good at professional situations but I got so anxious when talking to a higher level person today at work and feel like I’ve forgotten how to network, even though I’ve become a natural at networking.
These are all irrational fears, but I know they feel “valid” emotionally.
Nobody expects you to be perfect all the time. Nobody expects you to get it right all the time. Nobody expects you to always be on top of everything. You are allowed to have down days, to be rude to people when you don’t feel good, to get flustered, preoccupied, and need time alone. Over-thinking can cause you to doubt your own skills, instead of trusting in them -- so try to slow down, create an environment around you that calms you down, and then trust yourself.
As for my school mentor, I’m scared I’ve driven them away (they’re an INFP 9w1 954) even though they are so nice and patient. I literally can’t stop overthinking and I feel so scared of making another mistake because I’m in this stupid state of mind and potentially being super unprofessional. I just wish I could go back to feeling like myself again.
Talk to them about this and clear the air. Calm down and do what you need to, to make sure you start feeling better. What is that? To take a week off? To slow down? To not do anything all weekend except tidy your room? To go out to dinner with your best friend and just share how overwhelmed you feel? To practice Yoga every morning and get centered? To journal? What do you need? And how can you provide it for yourself?
I think I’m a 639 or a 629 tritype, but I’ve also considered 649.
You sound competency-driven to me, and highly concerned with connections and being professional, so I would think 3 or 2 fixed.
Very unsure of my type now (thought I was EFJ) but I think I’m an extrovert (because I’m going through a slump, I get easily drained now but people still revive my energy in general) :)
EFJ seems right. Some of this also seems like low Ne panicking (ESFJ). :)
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idk if you still do au ideas but what if delores was a real person in the apocalypse? how it woul dbe done i have no idea but i love all your aus and thought it would be cool
okay okay I don't tend to go for real!Dolores aus admittedly because I find her much more compelling as what she is: a reflection of five himself and a symptom of his crushing loneliness
but i started thinking about it and you know what?? i think five deserves a little socialization, as a treat
so say like, 0.5% of the population is resistant to abilities. Allison would really struggle to rumor them, Five wouldn't be able to jump with them, and, most importantly, whatever the fuck Vanya's ability does has like, reduced damage or something
and the og apocalypse isn't the moon apocalypse, so let's say that it was pure waves of Vanya's powers that fucked over the earth
so 0.5% of the population survives the apocalypse. though, let's be honestly, the real number is a lot smaller than that. People who might have survived Vanya's initial power wave (miraculously) did not survive buildings crushing them or survive the car/plane/bus/train/other transportation crashes or survive being left alone when they are too young to reliably look after themselves, or the variety of other problems that come with 99.5% of the population dying at once
So, Five arrives in the apocalypse and is met with ruin and fire and a whole lot of dead people. He finds his siblings, but it doesn't matter. They're dead. He doesn't even recognize them at first, these strange grown-ups who he identifies not by their faces but by the umbrellas on their wrists that match his own
As he realizes the full impact of his situation, he hears a voice that says, very succinctly, "holy shit!"
It's a girl a few years older than Five himself, maybe 15 or 16, and she is very excited to see another survivor.
And here's where I u-turn this au around bc i'm not all that interested in real!Dolores, but I would be down to talk about Five meeting survivors in the apocalypse, because if Dolores is real I don't buy no one else survived.
So Dolores shows up and see a Literal Child crying over the corpses of his family and assumes that Five is a fellow survivor, and she immediately grabs him up. Five is incoherent with grief at this point anyway, so he doesn't even protest when she basically hauls him away from the bodies. She's babbling at him, but he doesn't really hear anything she's saying
And then she takes him to her dad
(Why not, let's have the 1% potentially be a heritable thing)
and her dad, let's call him just some dad name. like Rick. it has been a fucking WEEK for him, okay. he had his daughter with him, his ex-wife is on the other coast for her work, and by some miracle he survived the apocalypse and so did his child, and he's been wracking his brains trying to figure out what the fuck to do next
and then his daughter shows up with a traumatized thirteen-year-old in tow
now rick is a good dude. he's a dad. they get out of five that his name is five ("what the fuck" dolores mouths to him over five's shoulder and rick can't help but agree) and the bodies he found were his siblings ("Dad and Ben and Vanya weren't there though," this child cries desperately and rick feels his own heart clench in response, "They might still be alive!")
"We can look for them." Rick assures his new adopted child, because he is an adult in a fresh apocalypse and this kid has presumably lost everything he's ever known (more than rick even knows at the time)
and they do. They each get wagons and they go out and find supplies and look for other survivors. Five is... surprisingly helpful and also surprisingly docile as he is able to rely on Someone Else to give orders while he attempts to (dissociate) process what the fuck has happened
and here's the thing: Five prides himself on being independent, sort of. He's independent for a child soldier, but he's used to taking orders from a male authority figure and Rick happens to be just that
The first time that Five does something dangerous and Rick yells is a revelation
(Rick isn't sure if he hopes that Five's dad is alive or not, because if they find that man alive then Rick might just kill the jackass himself. Also like, Five is bizarrely knowledgeable out survival skills, like way too knowledgeable about it, which is helpful for them but also very concerning)
they find a newspaper and Five finds the article that mentions his father's recent death ("Huh. Heart attack." Five says, and there is no emotion in his voice)
(Years later, years later, Five and Rick talk. "I don't think I wanted to find him, either." Five admits, softly because Dolores is asleep, "I think I was more scared of finding him alive than I was of finding his body. He would've been so mad at me, I think.")
this newspaper is how Rick and Dolores find out about Five being Number Five, Umbrella Academy Missing Person
"Dude, what the fuck." Dolores says, wide eyes, "You're like, thirty?"
"I'm thirteen." Five says, and then checks the date on the newspaper again, "Also I think I would technically be 29 if I lived through all of it, 'cause it's April and my birthday is in October."
"You... time travelled?" Rick asks, which is honestly the more relevant question, "Can you go back?"
And Five just,,, crumples on himself. Because he tried, he tried really hard. It didn't work. "I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna go back, I'm going to save them."
That, Rick thinks, is a lot of weight to put on one person's shoulders, but especially the shoulders of a child.
"Alright." Rick says, because what else can he say after finding out his new child has superpowers and is from like, 2004? "What do you need?"
("Oh my god I have so many memes to teach you." Dolores says later, reverently. Five blinks in confusion and Rick mentally prepares himself for the recitation of so many vines)
And it's easier, somehow. Five sometimes feels like it's a betrayal, but he settles into apocalypse life with an ease that surprises him.
He lets Rick fuss over him and help tie his scarf securely around his head every morning before he sets off on supply runs with Dolores. And they're kids! Five has never had a friend before, and Dolores is funny and smart and she's struggling just as much as he is.
"I don't know if my mom's alive." She says to him, in solidarity when he checks the face of every corpse to see if they're Vanya.
Five is practical in the way only a child soldier can be. He's economical with the room in their wagons, carefully examining what might and what might not be useful.
Dolores, on the other hand, constantly takes up space with what Five sees as useless shit.
"Excuse you," Dolores says, shoving a game of monopoly, the entire discworld series, and a pack of glitter gel pens into her wagon, "These are absolutely vital apocalypse supplies."
She challenges him, plays with him in a way no one ever has. "I bet you I can find more batteries today than you can," She grins at him, "Winner gets to pick dinner first?"
"You're on." Five says, directly before Dolores pulls two packs of 24 AA batteries from behind her back, like a cheat.
Dolores makes him take a ten minute break when they find a playground that has been mostly not-destroyed. They rummage around kids backpacks and mother's handbags for some good loot, too numb to corpses to even be bothered all that badly about the corpses they belong to.
"I'm getting on the swings." Dolores says when Five starts making noises about moving on, "I haven't been on a swingset in ages."
"What's the point?" Five grumps.
"Don't be sour because you can't swing as high as I can!" Dolores laughs, getting higher and higher as the swings creak ominously.
Five grumpily gets into the other swing and grudgingly kicks himself back and forth until Dolores takes pity on him and teaches him how to properly move his legs and body to get higher and higher.
Dolores jumps from the swing seat and lands with a flourish and smile. Five jumps out of his seat and then jumps, warping right in front of Dolores and making her yell and hit at him in outrage. Five smiles the widest he has all week.
This is how Five grows up in the apocalypse, with Dolores teasing him into taking breaks and leaning over his shoulder to look at his math and scandalizing him by stating that she'd only just started on matrices in her own high school math class.
Every night they huddle around Rick while he picks up whatever book Dolores picked out that day because it is a travesty that Five has never read hunger games or whatever, and then they read together because it would be a genuine blood bath if they all took turns. The first time Five accidentally mentioned a spoiler and Dolores genuinely considered murder was the birthday of this tradition
Some days the air is too smoky or there are dust storms or it's just plain too dangerous to go out, and they all stay in. Dolores regales Five with stories about public school, and Five tells them about his siblings.
Then they all cry
"I shouldn't be crying." Five sobs.
"Shut the fuck up," Dolores sobs back, "You literally watched me lose my shit over remembering my shitty eighth grade dance and listened to me sob-sing toxic for like four hours."
"In fairness I also wished you would shut up then."
"Let me hug you or I will start singing songs that I only remember the chorus for again you absolute fucker."
"I could always sing some -"
"No, Rick/Dad."
And Five grows up. Rick shows him how to shave very carefully in front of cracked mirrors. Dolores teases him every time his voice cracks. Rick tells Five in no uncertain terms that he loves and cares for him, and that Reginald was a little bitch. There are a lot of heartfelt conversations around that, honestly. Rick telling Five that he and the siblings deserved better, that they were children and deserved to have a childhood.
And that he has faith in Five. Rick and Dolores both do, they bring him back paper and pens and pencils and chalk and anything Five can use to write equations. They poke around any libraries for books on theoretical mathematics and quantum physics. Rick and Dolores go out scouting for food while Five stays home and can work longer.
They also make him take breaks, make sure that he's looking after himself.
They're a little better off than OG!Five when it comes to food, because some animals survive. Enough that Rick figures out how to hunt. Five is the first one to each bugs, and even though Dolores makes faces they all start eating bugs as well.
"Pretty sure there's loads of cultures that eat bugs." Rick says grudgingly, wondering if he should try stirfry the cockroaches and if that would improve the taste. "There's even, uh, cricket flour or whatever, right?"
"Plus you eat like, five spiders a year when you're asleep." Dolores says cheerfully, just to watch her dad's face scrunch up in displeasure.
"That doesn't sound true, but I don't know enough about spiders to dispute it." Five mutters, and Dolores gives him such a proud look that it makes him roll his eyes.
They're in their thirties when Rick dies. He's out foraging and hunting, and the rubble he's standing on gives way and he ends up with a gash in his leg. He manages to stop the bleeding, but the world is filthy and they don't have any antibiotics.
He gets an infection.
"It's okay." He tells both of his kids, "It's okay. I'm just so glad that you guys have each other, y'hear? I'm so glad."
"It's not okay." Five says, voice thick and choked, "It's not."
"Yeah, well, you're going to figure out how to go back, right? Go back in time and save everyone. Then I'll have never died, right?" Rick smiles, "And even if you don't, I'll be waiting for you on the other side and we'll see each other again anyway."
"I'm going to fix it."
"I know. I have faith in you, Five." Ricks says honestly, and that's more than Reginald ever said.
They sit quietly together while Dolores is out scavenging. They've been taking turns sitting with Rick.
"I won't remember you, in the past, will I?" Rick says rhetorically, but Five answers anyway.
"I don't think so."
Rick hums, "Well, doesn't matter. If you need help in the past, you come to me, y'hear?"
"You won't remember me."
"Doesn't matter. You come find me, and you tell me your crazy story until I believe you, and then I'll help you." Rick says firmly, "You're family. You're my son. Timelines? Don't matter. If you need help, with anything, even if it's just with - with filling out a bowling team or something -"
"I have never been bowling in my life and you know it." Five interrupts, but it makes him laugh just a little bit which was clearly Rick's intention.
"Well who knows what you'll get up to in the past! You'll be able to go bowling, you know. Get to wear those uncomfortable shoes. Hey, you go far enough back maybe you can go to Dolores's tenth birthday party and put me out of my misery."
"Was she bad at bowling?"
"Oh, she was wiping the floor with me. No contest."
"Honestly, that sounds absolutely accurate."
"Shut up, bowling just wasn't my sport. Regardless, the point was that I'm giving you a free pass to come and get me. Because I know you, I know how you think." Rick brings up his hand to tap his finger against Five's forehead, "You get it into your head that you need to go it alone, take it all on your shoulders. I'm telling you that if you do that I'll somehow manifest my memories and come smack you over the head for being stupid, you hear?"
"I'm not dragging you into anything." Five says firmly, "I'll have my siblings."
"Who were also children." Rick points out. "And dragging? Dragging is such a strong word for a volunteer."
"A volunteer who won't remember volunteering." Five shoots back.
Rick just shrugs, and then winces when the movement jolts his bad leg. "Five, I'm going to be honest with you here. And sappy. Can you handle a bit of sappiness for a minute?"
"No."
"Well too bad. Can't leave a dying man, you'd feel too bad. So you're stuck with me. But you listen good, okay? Because you aren't dragging me into anything. Whatever life you have, I want to have a part of that. Because you're my son. Wherever you are, whatever you do, I want to help because you're family. What you'd be doing by leaving me out of it is depriving me of someone I love, depriving me of knowing one of the best kids I've ever known."
"Shut up." Five says, choked.
"Nope, it's sappy time." Rick states, "Maybe asking you to come find me is selfish, but I don't care. No matter what version of me exists, I want to be in your life."
"My life is a walking joke, why would you want any part of that?"
"It has been my privilege to watch you grow up. To help you. To be here for you. Of course I'd want to be there to watch you grow up the rest of the way."
"But -"
"Shut up, just let me tell you that I am so proud of you. You never give up, and your heart is so big. You love so much and so loudly, and it's been the highest honor of my life to be included in your family."
Five pauses for a moment to collect himself before simply saying - "You're the best dad I've ever had."
Rick snorts, "Considering my competition, I'd sure hope so. That bar was so low old Reggie was practically limbo dancing with the devil. Now get over here and give an old man a hug."
They don't bury Rick, when he dies. They don't have time and the ground is too hard and they don't have the heart to move him. Instead the pack everything up and seal him in the shelter they'd lived in.
Dolores pulls out a bottle of ancient nail polish and painstakingly writes Rick's name on the wall with his birth year and an approximate current year. They aren't 100% sure though, since time blends together out in the apocalypse, but it's something.
They continue by themselves. They get older.
Dolores jokingly calls him her husband because the way his face scrunches up makes her cackle. They see other people very occasionally, usually passing through. Usually groups. Dolores and Five get to flex their hosting skills, though more than one group declines their cockroach stirfry.
("It's a family recipe." Five says with amusement in his eyes that usually manages to drown out old grief.)
"Jeeze, that kid couldn't have been older'n twenty-three." Dolores complains, "Makes me feels positively ancient."
"They wouldn't have known any world 'cept for the apocalypse." Five muses, pouring some boiled water into wine glasses because they might be living in the apocalypse but they can be fancy.
"Do you ever think about that?" Dolores asks, turning to him with no judgement, just curiosity. "When you go back, you'll be like, erasing them from existence."
Five shrugs, "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this place will just split off into an alternate timeline."
"Maybe none of this is real." Dolores says, amusement coloring her voice. "Maybe you aren't talking to a real person at all. Maybe this is just a symbol of your insanity and cracked mind."
"Dolores, I literally have a scar where you stabbed me. Did I somehow manage to stab myself in the back?"
"Scraped you, I scraped you. By accident."
"So you maintain." Five says haughtily, swirling his water in his wine glass like a pretentious prick.
"I could totally be fake. You don't know my life."
"I know way too much about you, Dolores. Like, way way too much." Five scoffs, because Dolores and him have literally no secrets from one another at this point. Five even knows the truth behind what happened at Janet Scranton's thirteenth birthday party. Like, he said, way too much.
"Maybe you made it up. Maybe that's why you know so much."
"Dolores, I'm going to be honest with you right now." Five presses the tips of his fingers to his chin, "If you were a figment of my imagination, you would be so much better at math."
"Hey!" Dolores squawks indignantly, "I didn't even get to finish high school you pretentious prick!"
"Neither did I!"
"You didn't even go to high school, you brat."
"I'm fifty-two I think I've outgrown 'brat.'"
"Tell that to your attitude." Dolores says haughtily, "You're still younger than me."
"Won't be when I go back in time." Five says cheerfully, completely ignoring Dolores's venomous look.
"That's cheating."
"Sucks to suck." Five says loftily, taking another sip of his water.
Sometimes they talk about The Plan, with capital letters. What Five is going to do when he goes back in time, depending on when he pops out. Is he going to adopt his siblings? What about Reginald?
"You don't think I could kill Reginald?" Five says, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.
"I think you should let me do it. I'll even give you control of tonight's music if you do."
"What are you doing to do? Bite his ankles? What if you're like, seven or something?"
"All the better to get away with it since I'll be too young to convict or whatever."
"Pretty sure that's not how the law works."
"How would you know? Just for that I'm playing Istanbul on repeat again."
"I don't know why you think that's a threat. That song slaps."
It takes a few more years before Five is close enough that the Commission comes to interfere. Because that's what I think happened - Five was getting too close and they stepped in because they might as well distract the man as much as they can with missions, right?
So the Handler shows up. And she offers Five a job, telling him that they have the ability to travel through time. And Five - hesitates.
"Give me some time?" Five asks, and the Handler graciously gives him 24 hours.
And he and Dolores talk it over, because now that his goal is more in sight than it has ever been and Five is scared.
"What are you waiting for? You have the chance to see your siblings again." Dolores says patiently.
"Yeah," Five says, and what he doesn't say is clear. But I won't see you.
"Five." Dolores says, and she cradles his face between her palms like he is something precious, "I have had so much time with you already. More than I would have ever. We have been so lucky, to have this time. How can I demand more than what we have already been given?"
"When have you ever not demanded the world, Dolores?" Five asks, his own hand coming up to cover Dolores's own.
"We've had decades together, Five. We're getting old. I was always going to lose you, one way or another. Nothing lasts forever."
"I don't want to lose you."
"I know. But if I had to choose a way, if I could decide where our story ends, this would be it. Letting you go, because this way you get to live. You get to see your family again. You get to save the world. I could ask for nothing more than for you to get your happy ending."
Five removes Dolores's hand from his cheek so that he can cradle it between them, "I'm happy here with you. I've never been happier. Isn't that silly? That I was happier in the apocalypse?"
"I bet killing Reggie would make you happy." Dolores laughs rustily.
"One day you're going to see the mysterious disappearance of a famous billionaire in the paper and feel a twinge of satisfaction and now have a clue why." Five laughs as well, shaking his head.
Dolores pats Five's hands, "Five, look at me. We've had our time. And you're going to give me even more of it. More time with my father. More time with my mother. I'll never know it, but you'll have saved me."
"What if this is - what if this is an alternate reality? What if I leave you here alone?"
"Then you'll be saving a 15-year-old girl from the same fate as me. Because as much as I love you, as much as I have loved this time we have had together, this is still an apocalypse. This should never have happened, and if you have a chance to go back and prevent it, then I want you to take that chance with both hands."
"Even if it means leaving you alone?"
Dolores smiles at him, "I'm not going to be alone. Far too many creepy crawlies in the apocalypse for that."
"Shut up, I'm being serious."
"Hmm." Dolores hums consideringly, "Maybe I'll head North, to that new settlement that last group said they'd heard word of. Sure they'd find some use for an old woman who's survived this long in the wilderness."
"You can have my half of the record collection." Five says, pulling her against him into a hug that she easily returns.
"As if I wouldn't have stolen them as soon as you left." She scoffs, but it's a little wet, and Five pretends his own eyes aren't leaking tears.
When The Handler comes back, Dolores gives him another hug. She also slips something into his pocket - some photos. They'd taken it a year into the apocalypse, when Dolores had found an ancient looking polaroid camera and towed it home despite Five's protests about practicality. The photos are worn and faded at the edges, but the smiles on Five's little apocalypse family's faces are undeniable.
"You'll have to see if they magically fade when you change the timeline." Dolores whispers to him with a grin, "Like in the movies."
"Okay." Five whispers back.
"You have the list of movies to watch, right?" Dolores says. Five rolls his eyes and nods because he wrote the list last night into his Vanya-book while Dolores hovered over his shoulder and critiqued his handwriting.
"And you promise to try a proper non-expired twinkie at some point?"
"That I do not promise. I think even looking at one would make me lose my lunch. I have twinkie-trauma."
"Shut up and get going." Dolores says, because the Handler is starting to tap her foot impatiently.
And off Five goes to become an assassin. Though - he's much more gentle this time. He's careful, he doesn't kill children and he usually takes jobs that don't require killing at all. He distracts and manipulates events as much as he can without killing.
He's actually much more well socialized, thanks to Rick and Dolores. Less feral child and more determined man on a mission.
Which is why he's so frustrated when he finally, finally manages to get the equations to work and falls through and falls - directly back into his stupid thirteen-year-old body.
"Shit." Five says, loudly, and revels in the surprised look on his siblings faces.
He strides into the kitchen, and they all follow him like ducklings. They look exactly the way they did when they died.
"Wow this is actually way harder than I thought it would be." Five muses, looking at their dead faces. But as Dolores would say, life is hard but you have to keep on trucking sometimes. "Whatever, what's the date?"
"Five, where have you been?" Diego demands, looking irritated. It makes Five snort in amusement.
"The future. The past. If you want like, an exact list of dates you'll have to hold your horses. I spent like, two weeks in Peru once. No souvenirs though, unfortunately."
They look taken aback, like they didn't expect Five to have quite this much sass. Oops. That is definitely Dolores's influence. Or maybe he was always a little asshole. In fairness, what teenagers aren't tiny assholes? He has an excuse.
"What the fuck does that mean?" Diego's eyebrows are furrowed in anger. It kind of takes Five aback for a second, because he remembers a Diego who stutters when he argued.
"When did you learn the fuck-word?" Five asks, raising an eyebrow before her can help it, "Grace ought to wash your mouth out with soap."
Diego immediately goes red, "Shut up!"
"Wow you're so easy to rile up. Aren't you like, twenty-something? Actually, I could figure out for myself how old you are if you gave me the date."
"I'm twenty-nine." Diego growls, like that was the point.
"Haunting!" Five says cheerfully, because that means there is way less time than he would like, narrowing his time down to a six month window.
It's extremely funny how his cheer makes all of them make faces.
It's Klaus who leans forward, "Why do you need to know?"
Klaus's face is open and curious and - (looks exactly like he did when Five found him all those years ago) - and Five can't help but answer him. "The world end on April 1st, 2019. No it isn't an April Fools joke, yes I have heard that joke like a million different times. I just want to know how close I landed so I can, you know, start working on how to fix that."
"Woah woah woah, roll it back." Allison says, holding a hand up, "What?"
"The apocalypse occurs on April 1st, 2019." Five says, slowly. "I have traveled from afar to prevent this from happening, because like, everyone dies."
"Everyone?" Vanya says weakly from the side.
She's clearly expecting to be ignored, so Five turns his head to address her directly by wiggling his hand back and forth a little. "Sort of. Like, not too many people survive at all. A handful of the human population, you know."
"But you survived?" Diego recovers admirably, if bitingly.
"Well, no." Five says rolling his eyes, "Wouldn't you just know it, Klaus here has managed to figure out a new ability!"
Everyone turns to look at Klaus, who immediately holds up his hands like he's being arrested or something, "I did not!"
"Wonderful! Now that we've established that I'm alive -"
"Why should we trust a word you say?" Luther says for the first time, looking pensive.
Five blinks, genuinely taken aback. "Because... I'm your brother? Because I can clearly and obviously time travel? Like, yeah, it would have been more convenient if I'd arrived in like, my old-body for proof-purposes, but like. I mean. Thirteen is still a pretty convincing age to be to prove time travel considering if I hadn't, I would be like, almost thirty."
"Roll it back again." Allison says firmly, "What do you mean by 'old body'?"
"Great question!" Five says pointing at Allison and smiling. Everyone looks at him weird again, and Five takes a moment to wonder if they've ever experienced positive reinforcement. Knowing Reginald, probably not. "Wait! Is Reggie alive? Wait, no, answer that in a second. Uh. When I time traveled I fucked up my body I guess, I was like, old. White hair and wrinkles-type old from spending decades in the apocalypse. But I fucked up the calculations and got booted back to my thirteen-year-old body, I guess. How, I have no idea."
"What?" Vanya says, still equally weakly.
"You have no idea how fucked up time travel is." Five whispers conspiratorially to Vanya, loud enough for the whole table to hear, "There are so many ways to die. Or permanently tear a hold in space time. But like, with life as we know if ending soon-ish, I figured I couldn't possibly fuck it up worse than it already was, y'know? Speaking of, anyone have the date again?"
"Wait, what was that about dad?" Luther asks, very focused.
"Oh, you still call him dad? Big oof." Five says automatically, because apparently his verbal filter is shot to hell after living with Dolores. It does make Klaus bark out a too-loud laugh.
"What does that mean?" Luther asks aggressively.
"It means Reginald sucks and doesn't deserve the title of 'dad,' what did you think I meant?" Five asks, and now both Diego and Vanya and both cracking smiles, though Vanya is covering hers with a hand.
"Have some respect for the dead." Luther growls, standing up and looking very large and threatening.
Five sways back, craning his head up, "Woah there big buy, sit down before I injure my poor growing spine looking up at you. Jeeze, did Reggie force feed you steroids or something? I wouldn't put it past him but like, I just want to know he at least went over the side effects of the drug with you. Also like, thanks for narrowing it down. Also terrifying! Seriously though, exact date please because if I have less than 24 hours I am going to break down crying and that is a threat."
"I love this Five." Klaus says reverently.
"March 21st." Vanya offers, finally.
"Wow! Terrifying!" Five says, clapping his hands together, "Hate that. Ten days, huh? Well, who wants to get on board the save-the-world express?"
Klaus immediately flings his hand in the air, Five points at his brother appreciatively. "Yes, excellent! I'll take the volunteer in the lovely skirt as my first team member. Any other volunteers?"
"Danke!" Klaus simpers, grinning widely like this is the vest entertainment he's had in weeks.
"I'm not just going to stand here and listen to you badmouth dad and boss us around." Luther slams his hands on the table.
"Well not with that attitude." Five snarks.
Diego raises his hand, "I would like to join team fuck dad as well."
"We can certainly debate team names later." Five says, nodding wisely as Luther gives some sort of scandalized gasp.
"Honestly, I just want to see where this is going." Klaus confesses.
Five shrugs, because he doesn't really care about the reason. "Don't you want to prove me wrong them? Prove what a well-adjusted young man Reginald Hargreeves raised?"
"Shut up." Luther grinds out, looking a moment away from throwing a punch.
"If this is all true, I have to get home." Allison cuts in, looking concerned, "I have - I have a daughter."
"I mean, if you want to give Claire a world to live in then I'd stick around, but that's just me." Five shrugs.
"You know her name?" Allison asks, obviously taken aback.
Five is almost offended, "Uh, yeah. I have her photo as well. Y'all get on like, a bizarre number of gossip magazine covers did you know that?"
Allison manages to outdo herself in terms of being taken aback once more.
There's a beat of silence, and then Five turns, "Vanya? You in?"
"Me?" Vanya blinks, looking shocked. "What can I do?"
"Yeah, what can she do?" Diego asks, crossing his arms and suddenly looking grumpy.
It baffles Five, who scrunches his nose, "Uh, like, a lot? I assume? I mean. I'm going to be honest here, just looking at y'all right now is a lot. In more ways than one! Hashtag trauma and all that, but like, name a single one of you that wouldn't be the most obvious person in the room as soon as you walked into it. Except Vanya, who somehow manages to look like a well adjusted adult, by some miracle."
"Did you just verbally say the word hashtag?" Allison asks, looking so deeply confused.
"More concerned about the trauma he tacked onto there, but y'know, to each their own." Klaus immediately cuts in.
"You think I'm well-adjusted?" Vanya asks, looking oddly touched.
"I would like to direct your attention to Diego's leather pants-scowl combo and Luther's general aura of daddy-issues." Five says pointedly, "I can practically smell the tragic comic book backstory in this room. If I'd jumped back a decade earlier this would have been Batman's wet dream of orphan selection."
"Alright! Game plan!" Five says, waving Diego's knife in his hand.
Diego's hands immediately go to his weird harness looking thing, "Hey!"
"Give me just one moment to get the tracker out." Five rolls his eyes, "Then I'll give it back, I promise. Also if someone could ask Grace for like, some antibiotics that would be good."
"What?" Allison asks, directly before Five stabs himself and there is suddenly panic at the table.
"Relax!" Five says, allowing Diego to remove the knife from his hands. He doesn't need it anyway and his hand immediately drops down to root in the wound.
"Five what the fuck!" Diego yells, but Five just pulls up bloody fingers and waves the tracker into Diego's stupefied face.
"What the fuck is that, Five?" Allison demands, looking very shaken.
"I literally just said it was a tracker." Five points out, "Now, I think our first team activity should be voting on whether we destroy it or take it out to bumfuck nowhere and ditch it to confuse the Commission."
"What the fuck is the Commission?" Diego barks.
"Man. Maybe I should just hit up Rick." Five muses, "This is going to take so much explaining."
"Who is Rick."
"So much explaining."
#survivors au#well adjusted five au#five actually has some social skills!#and an idea of what an actual parent looks like as well#klaus absolutely adores this version of five#who quotes vines and uses gen z slang with the best of them#five has been reliably informed that public education is worse than the apocalypse#but he's also pretty sure working with his family is worse as well#five: i have so much trauma lol#klaus: oh big same#vanya: mood#five is somehow the most well adjusted hargreeves#and the most responsible#he doesn't legally exist and he doesn't pay taxes but somehow he has his shit together#five showing up at rick's house: you don't know me but i know you in the future#rick: what the fuck#five: don't make me bring up bethany midler from highschool because you gave me so many embarrassing stories to convince yourself with#rick: okay okay i believe you and you are???#five: your son from the future lol what's up dad want to help save the world#five arriving back at the manor like: WHAT'S UP LOSERS RICK IS NOW YOUR DAD TOO BC GOD KNOWS Y'ALL NEED AN ACTUAL FATHER FIGURE#klaus calls rick a dilf and five kidney punches him hard enough that klaus can't even properly introduce himself#it's better for everyone that way#delores: 15 and ready to fuck someone up#delores: i'm not staying with this weirdo (diego) while you go off with my dad#five threateningly: don't make me bring up what really happened to dad's good suit in 2012#delores: i will stay right here#rick: wait WHAT happened to my good suit#five: unimportant don't you want to save the world#long post#far tua long
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Hey hey hey, its me. So I can't stop thinking about your triplets scenario, then suddenly had the urge to request one more time 😂 If that's okay. Since I can't get rid of this baby fever, I wish to see some adorable scenarios with 3 mini toddlers with their parents. Like them, barging into their father’s workplace or just being adorable yet troublesome at the same time XD
The way i adore your asks already, I feel you and I are going to have a good partnership lol. I'm terribly sorry I haven't written anything yet, I have been too caught up with work and stuff, I really hope you'll enjoy it tho. I really wanted to write it since it's father's day and all.
part one of the boys finding out you're gonna have triplets
Bokuto Koutaro
No one can convince me this man isn't absolutely best dad, pleasee I love him so much!!!
If I said that he was a really supportive husband and stood next to you and supported you however he could all pregnancy, he's even more supportive and hyper as a dad.
DEFINITELY CRIED WHEN HE SAW THE TRIPLETS!!!
As I said, he's literally the best dad any kid can ask for. He's so energetic and caring, and would definitely do anything for his kiddos, he spoils them a bit more than needed but how can he say no to those puppy eyes? He's literally weak against them.
Also no matter how tired he is he always has time for is babies, if he came home with his hands almost falling off from harsh and tiring training he will still pick them up and play with them even more, how can he say no to them, he missed them so much too.
When he first had to leave for away game you couldn't tell who cried more him or the kids.
Let's make one thing straight, kids love him more, you can't even argue with that fact, he's basically their enabler, always the one with the snacks and toys and let's be real you have to play the role of a bad cop.
But he never crosses the line, he always supports you and if your kids are being stubborn, he always tells them that you only want the best for them and in the end kids always come apologizing to you, telling you how much they love you.
You always have this adventures too, he loves nothing more to show you off and spoil you as much as he can, he always takes you four wherever he can, and makes these trips as memorable as he can. Like there's nothing he won't do for you.
So naturally you wanted to return the favor to him.
Unfortunately for him he had to be away for a game on the father's day and it was evident how much it broke his heart. So you and kids came up with the plan to surprise him. Bby worked so hard he really deserved it and you really missed each other too.
You have been planning this for a while and you couldn't wait to see his reaction. You even helped kids with the banner and everything.
The game was about to start now, the players including your husband were getting ready. You snickered and led the kids through the crowd. His team helped you a lot when you told them your plan and got you one of the best seats in the front.
You took out the banner and helped kids to stand on the seats so that they could hold it higher. You couldn't be more proud, the kids really worked hard for their father and wanted to make him happy. You held up the sign what said with brightest colors "Happy father's day daddy!!"
Thankfully Atsumu noticed you quite quickly and nudged your husband, who looked almost like a sad puppy and in a second your eyes met.
Bokuto literally froze on the place and rubbed his eyes to see if you were really there, which made you giggle. Kids started cheering for him and in the millisecond the biggest grin was adoring his face and he ran towards you. Kids also ran leaving banner to you and jumped on their dad making everyone coo at the sight.
You smiled at the sight, Bokuto looked like a whole different person than he was seconds ago, he kept chatting with kids and smooching their cheeks from time to time, he then ran to you and gave you one of the most passionate kisses ever, thanking you for everything, while kids made barfing sounds. Yup you wouldn't change it for anything.
Atsumu Miya
Another one who I think would be a best dad but would spoil their kids, espesially your daughter, he had a really soft spot for her.
you had two boys and the youngest was a girl, thing is she was really frail at first and almost didn't survive but she was a fighter and even thought she pulled through and was healthy as ever you and Atsumu still had a soft spot for her,but not only you, boys were actually really protective of her and would always try to cheer her up however you could. But in the end she was daddy's girl.
In fact Atsumu and Osamu really liked to mess with kids, and make them guess who was who, it really confused boys and made you all laugh but you couldn't fool her that easy, she always knew when she was in the wrong hands and cried for daddy. (Cue to Atsumu calling his sons traitors and the daughter his sweet little princess.) (Gosh I have to keep my babyfever at bay)
You gently shushed the kids as they struggled to keep their excitement at bay, they came to you with the idea that they wanted to surprise their dad on the father's day and how could you say no to that?
You tried to help them but they wanted to do everything on their own, you were basically just for the mental support and for snacks for the little hardworkers. They looked so cute and proud too for their work. Boys worked with the decorations and cards and your daughter asked you to bring her to Osamu so that she could make an onigiri with his help.
You were beyond proud that they wanted to please their dad so much! Atsumu would really appreciate it, he was working so hard too these days, he would be beyond thrilled.
You smiled at the thought and opened the door, the kids walked in on their tippy toes, eventually giggling to themselves, thankfully Atsumu was still out cold. You readied the camera and sat it on the bedside table so you could record the precious memory. You carefully helped the kids get on both his sides as they readied their presents.
you gave them a thumbs up as you got slightly closer to Atsumu and started humming his name, making him stir a little. When you noticed that you were getting nowhere you asked the kids to help, and they started to nudge him with their tiny hands while you presed kisses on his cheek.
In the end Atsumu opened his eyes. "If I died and this is heaven then I don't want to return to life." He mummbled half dazed but still stood up.
"Happy father's day!" The kids cheered making a huge grin appear on his face. He stretched his hands and brought all three of them in a bone crushing hug, kissing their heads affectionately. The kids giggled and tried to escape as you awed at the sight.
They showed him everything they worked hard for, and Atsumu even got to taste the onigiri his daughter made for him, which made him tear up from happiness as you expected. He looked so giddy and happy it was really adorable.
Kids soon left the room to call their uncle and tell him how everything worked out, Your daughter was especially hyped cuz he liked the onigiris, she really looked up to Osamu too and said that she wanted to be a chef like him. You couldn't be more proud of her.
You were about to head downstairs too to make sure those rasckled didn't mess up everything, but Atsumu's hand stopped you. He bought you in closer and gave you a really passionate kiss, you hummed as you pressed couple of more on his cheeks.
"What was that for love?" You hummed against his lips, a bit dazed.
"For making me the happiest men ever and giving me a perfect family, I love you so much!" He mused as he snuggled against you.
He was right tho, everything was just perfect.
Sorry love it's only two characters, I will try to update about Ushijima and Osamu too. Hope you like it^^
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#bokuto koutaro#haikyuu headcannons#hq headcanons#hq imagines#Bokuto x reader scenario#atsumu x reader scenario#requests#atsumu miya#atsumu x reader#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu imagines#bokuto x reader#bokuto x reader fluff#atsumu x reader fluff#fluff#bokuto headcanons#bokuto koutarou x reader#atsumu headcanons#atsumu fluff
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I think Jin Guangyao’s backstory makes him a really compelling antagonist. The first few times his name appears in the novel, he’s presented as the current leader of the Jin Sect, “the only illegitimate son whom Jin GuangShan approved of” (chapter 11) and whose merits allowed him to become Chief Cultivator, the highest position of power in the cultivation world. The more we learn about him, the more we realize the situation wasn’t that simple.
As we’re repeatedly shown through Empathy, Meng Yao’s life wasn’t easy at all. When he was young, he was scorned by everyone for his lowly background no matter what he did. Even the other prostitutes in the brothel where he grew up made fun of his mother's delusion that one day Jin Guangshan would give her and her son a better life. Even Mo Xuanyu, another illegitimate son, was treated better than him by Jin Guangshan, because his mother came from a good family. “At least Jin GuangShan still remembered that he had such a son and brought him back to Koi Tower” (chapter 48), while Meng Yao and his mother were completely abandoned.
After his mother died, Meng Yao went to find his father, but of course he wasn’t received. Instead, he was kicked down the stairs of Koi Tower and rolled down the steps from top to bottom. How did he react to this affront?
Allegedly, he didn’t say anything after he got up. Wiping away the blood on his forehead, then dusting off the dirt that got onto his clothes, he picked up his belongings and walked away.
(Chapter 48)
We always see him react like this against adversity. He never gets angry, never yells, never vents his frustration in any way. We don’t know what kind of feelings he harbors in his heart. This is much more terrifying than Nie Mingjue’s volatile temper.
After this, Meng Yao didn’t give up at all. If anything, this experience gave him more determination to see his and his mother’s dream fulfilled. He didn’t have strong spiritual powers because he had started cultivating too late, but he was gifted with a keen mind and a lot of resourcefulness. He was refused by the Jin Sect, so he went to the Nie. He managed to attract Nie Mingjue’s attention by doing the things he knew Nie Mingjue would approve of, like helping civilians during the war. We don’t know how much of it was due to his own concern for the well-being of the common people. On one hand, Jin Guangyao built the watchtowers to help people in the most remote areas, despite meeting a lot of opposition for it, both from his father and the other sects. On the other hand, he used innocent prostitutes to murder his father and then killed them, so he doesn’t seem to actually care about the common people. I think most of his actions while he was in the Nie Sect were calculated to make the sect leader notice him.
Nie Mingjue’s righteousness made him stand up for Meng Yao when he heard people bad-mouthing him. Nie Mingjue had his flaws and a black-and-white morality, but he was fair to his subordinates and gave credit where it was due. He showed his appreciation for Meng Yao’s hard work and attitude by appointing him as his deputy. Meng Yao’s situation in the Nie Sect of course wasn’t ideal and he struggled to be accepted (the scene with the cultivators refusing to drink from the teacups served by the “son of a prostitute” was telling), but being the sect leader’s deputy was the highest position he could have achieved only through his merits. I believe that if he had decided to stop there and be satisfied with what he already had - a good position, two sect leaders who supported him - his life would have been much happier.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Meng Yao’s past, coupled with his habit of bottling up his emotions and remembering every affront he received, had made him accumulate years of pent-up resentment. Nie Mingjue offered him the opportunity to go where he wanted instead of using Meng Yao’s debt of gratitude to keep him by his side. He even wrote him a letter of recommendation to give to Jin Guangshan so that he could be appointed to a good position in the Jin Sect. However, Jin Guangshan didn’t even meet Meng Yao. He completely ignored his presence and even feigned ignorance when Nie Mingjue went to inquire about him. In that kind of environment, even Meng Yao’s superiors could get away with taking credit for Meng Yao’s achievements. When Nie Mingjue went to look for him, he caught him precisely while he was taking revenge.
What Meng Yao did that time was definitely questionable. Even in a world like MDZS where revenge is completely justified, Meng Yao went too far by murdering his superior for stealing his credit. The problem is that in the Jin Sect, Meng Yao didn’t have anyone he could complain to for his superior’s wrongdoings. His father couldn’t care less about him and everyone else secretly rejoiced to see him struggling: in a society where birthright was everything, the son of a prostitute was lower than them even though his father was a sect leader. Nie Mingjue told him to confess his crime and accept the punishment the Jin Sect would give him, but that was like sealing his fate. There was no way Jin Guangshan would judge him fairly. The mere son of a prostitute daring to murder a respected member of the Jin Sect? Meng Yao would have been lucky if they didn’t execute him on the spot. Nie Mingjue didn’t consider all of this because his rigid mentality prevented him from seeing the nuance in Meng Yao’s situation. He thought that if Meng Yao truly had his reasons for killing his superior, the Jin Sect would acknowledge it. He didn’t take classism into consideration because he couldn’t see past his own privilege.
Nie Mingjue’s mentality was too black-and-white, but he wasn’t completely wrong, either. In that moment he caught a glimpse of Meng Yao’s true nature: that of a schemer and a manipulator. From that moment on, Nie Mingjue could never trust Meng Yao again like he had done in the past. He didn’t completely give up on him, though: after the end of the Sunshot Campaign, when Meng Yao was finally recognized by his father and became Jin Guangyao, Nie Mingjue accepted to become sworn brothers with him because he wanted to bring him back to the right path.
At the time Meng Yao had apparently achieved his goal: his father had recognized him and given him a place in Koi Tower, finally acknowledging his merits. However, that was far from the truth. Jin Guangshan had no intention whatsoever of making Jin Guangyao his heir; he gave him the tasks of a servant and made him do the things he wouldn’t dirty his precious heir’s hands with. He ordered Jin Guangyao to get rid of all the obstacles that prevented him from reaching the position of Chief Cultivator, and Jin Guangyao did. Despite this, his father never cared for him and never really accepted him. On top of that, Madam Jin didn’t show an ounce of compassion for the illegitimate son of her husband: she kept venting her frustrations on him as if Jin Guangyao was at fault for her husband’s vices.
Jin Guangyao was mostly isolated in Koi Tower, but somehow he kept believing that someday his father would actually recognize him. What made him lose faith completely was what Jin Guangshan said about his mother:
“Why was a sect leader who spent money like water unwilling to do the smallest favor and buy my mother’s freedom? Simple—it was too much trouble. My mother waited for so many years, weaving together so many difficult circumstances when she talked to me, imagining for his sake so many hardships. And the real reason was only a single word: trouble.
“This is what he said, ‘It’s especially women who’ve read some books who think they’re a level higher than other women. They’re the most troublesome, with so many demands and unrealistic thoughts. If I bought her freedom and took her back to Lanling, who knows how much fuss she’d make. It was best that I let her stay where she was just like that. With her conditions, she’d probably be popular for a few more years. She wouldn’t have to worry about her spendings for the rest of her life.’
“‘Son? Oh, forget it.’”
(Chapter 106)
Jin Guangyao did a lot of despicable things in his life. He had the chance to stop and be happy with what he had so many times, but he never did. He kept obeying his horrible father’s wishes and sacrificing innocent people for the sake of his own ambition. He had a lot of talents and skills he could have used to do good, but he wasn’t a good person.
His backstory does an excellent job at explaining his behavior and motivations. It makes him a complex character, far from one-dimensional, and I think it’s great that the ultimate villain of the story is a character like him. Jin Guangyao’s evil deeds weren’t justified in the least, but spoke of a resentment born from real struggles and the desire to climb the social ladder to prove that even someone like him - the son of a prostitute, scorned and ridiculed by everyone - could reach the top of the cultivation world.
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Sincerely I never want to put politics into my social medias. However. I’m tired of just sitting here and pretending not having a political opinion of my own. So please, let me speak while I still have the right to.
- I am pro choice. I am of the opinion that pro choice, in terms of abortion care, is to be your choice whether or not you would have an abortion. If it’s not something that you agree with, or something that is against your religion, that’s your deal, but you cannot tell anyone what to do with their bodies.
- people say they’re pro life but are they really pro life, or pro birth? Do they believe in abolishing the death penalty? What about creating a better mental health system with outlets to directly combat mass shooting? What’s wrong with putting strict regulations on guns and how you obtain them? Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If you support all life, why do we still allow hunting? Why don’t we have a better sexual education? Why is the US health care system so expensive if we should value life?
I can answer all of these questions and more.
1. No they do not believe in abolishing the death penalty because many people see it as justice or bettering the publics safety.
2.&3. Because mental health and guns aren’t the problem with mass shootings. No no. Abortions are some how the issue with this, according to congressman Billy Long. Why restrict guns when we can restrict woman’s bodily autonomy??
4.&5. because veganism/vegetarianism isn’t the life style you want, right? But aren’t animals a form of life? By that argument you shouldn’t eat plants and animals at all. Because you’re killing a living thing, didn’t you know?
6. “We already have a sexual education curriculum put into place.” Do you remember your sexual education program? What did it teach you? Because I don’t remember it teaching me that I have control of my own sexuality. I don’t remember my education telling me that I’m not the only person to blame. That I’m not the only person responsible.
7. Because that’s not how it works. At least not in such a greedy capitalist country that could not care less about its people. But why, if we are supposed to care so much about the life a human that hasn’t been born yet, do we not care about those of us that are already here and are struggling to take care of ourselves? Greed.
I have and always will say; our current pro lifers, in and out of office, only care about a life up until it’s born.
This is my own opinion and it does not reflect the opinion of anything or anyone associated with me, but I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to speak up for my own bodily autonomy, for my rights and for the rights of everyone else.
They will not stop at Roe v Wade. Judge Clarence Thomas made it abundantly clear that he wishes to challenge Obergefell v Hodge, Lawrence v Texas and even Griswold v Connecticut.
If you don’t this overturn doesn’t affect you, think again. Forcing young girls and young women to become mothers prematurely will force young boys and young men to become fathers prematurely. It paves the way for unsafe and unregulated abortions. On top of all of that, it creates more people to feed, more people to circulate money, and more people into the housing market. More people means more need for housing, which means higher taxes and higher cost of living and higher prices for houses and apartments, as well as more supply chain shortages due to half the population aka anyone with a uterus, having to take off for maternity leaves or any kind of prenatal appointment, and more. Also supply chain shortages and recalls are currently in menstruation products, baby formula, peanut butter and poplar foods that kids like. Is this really the time to be encouraging people to keep children they didn’t want in the first place?
I am going to stop there, and as much as I would like to say I rest my case, I can’t. There are endless arguments and points I could make.
It’s a scary place right now. Please stay safe everyone.
Much love,
Jordan.
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Irresistible Danger - Part 51
Synopsis: After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)
Words: 3,279
Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing
ID Masterlist can be found HERE
Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE
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Author’s Note: Holy crap, can y’all believe I dove back into writing this fic after almost two years with no updates?! I’m still shook over it haha. I will say that this fic has gone way off canon at this point (I haven’t watched the last few seasons of the show and also didn’t finish the last few issues of the comics). However, I’ve had a vision for certain characters and events for the last how many years, so I don’t plan to change them just to try and fit canon. I also now realize that while I tried to make “you” as nondescript as possible, there are physical traits and actions of her character that haven’t been as inclusive of all potential readers as I had thought when first starting the fic 5 years ago. I apologize for that, and plan to be more aware of those things with any reader characters I write in future fics. My plan is to post a chapter update every Friday from here on out, until it’s over, so fingers crossed I can accomplish that. Enjoy! :D
Cloud Nine
You surfaced from the depths of sleep slowly, rather than the more abrupt jolt to consciousness that usually started off your days. Feeling cozy and relaxed, a slight smile tipped your lips in contentment. It didn’t take long to realize that the reason for your positive mood was the large, warm body with which you were currently sharing the tiny, twin-sized bed.
Eyes blinking open, you took in the delightful sight of masculine bare skin. You were curled up against Negan’s side, cheek cushioned on his chest and both legs were wrapped around his nearest thigh. The bedsheet was pulled up over your back and ended teasingly right above his hips. One of your hands lay palm-down on his stomach, fingers twitching slightly in delight at the feel of the hard muscles beneath the soft skin. You could tell from the curve of his body that he was sitting with his back reclined against the rickety headboard. You might’ve found his positioning odd, but you were still a little hazy from sleep and so could only feel happiness at not waking up to an empty bed, like last time.
You were on cloud nine after talking things out with him last night. Being able to work through a conflict together had been major progress, and you had been proud of yourself for laying down your boundaries regarding your here-to-stay friendship with Ben, as well as standing your ground regarding the situation with Trixie and the pregnancy test. It was important that Negan learn to trust you when it came to situations such as those, and it seemed as though that message had finally gotten through to him last night.
The fact that he had even come to your room and taken the huge step of apologizing for his hasty reaction still had you a bit in shock. The evening had panned out much differently than your original plan of going to bed angry. Instead, you had gone to bed very satisfied, and then woken up next to the man who was very quickly becoming essential to your daily happiness.
He must’ve felt you shift against him, one hand coming down to rub your bare shoulder as he gave a soft, “Mornin’, doll.”
His raspy morning voice sent tingles down your spine, even as your brain fought to stay awake. It still felt way too early to be sitting up and conversing, so instead of returning the greeting, you buried closer into his side and grumbled, “What time is it?” The words were muffled against his skin, nose pressed into his chest hair as you inhaled the glorious male scent of him.
You felt him lean over towards the side table. He must’ve been checking your watch, because he replied, “‘Bout 6:50.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Language.”
“Hmph. Do you always get up so early?”
“It’s more productive than sleeping half the day away and being late to everything.”
That got more of a response, as you finally lifted your head to glare up at him for the jab. However, he didn’t notice, as he was too focused on the book held in front of him. It was then that you realized why he was sitting up in bed, a smirk crossing your face at the novel he had open and was intensely reading. You felt a spark of desire low in your belly, the sight of a sleep-tousled and naked Negan lounging in your bed while reading Harry Potter an unexpected, but welcomed, aphrodisiac.
“Thought you didn’t read ‘fucking kid books’?” you sarcastically asked, quoting back his initial description of the series.
You received only a low grunt in response, his eyes not leaving the page. You weren’t offended, since you’d probably react the same way to someone trying to interrupt a reading of Harry Potter. In fact, you were a bit jealous that he got to experience the magical world for the first time. His curiosity must’ve gotten the better of him when he saw it lying on your bedside table, and it appeared as if he had already read a small chunk of it.
He didn’t seem to notice you staring, his attention still focused on the book. In fact, he held the page a scant few inches from his face, eyes squinted into slits. The sight was a tad humorous, though you wondered how long he had been struggling to see the words.
“I thought you needed glasses to read?” you asked.
“Fuck, you always so full of questions this early in the morning, doll?”
You pinched his side hard enough to make him jump and growl out another expletive, before giving him a saccharine smile and lifting a brow expectantly when he glared down at you.
Attention finally taken off the book, he reached over and plopped it down on the side table before rubbing his eyes with both palms. “I do. Felt like it took me a fucking hour to get through that last page.”
The fact that he had continued trying to read and hadn’t easily given up, despite his struggle to see the words, told you more than anything how much he must’ve been enjoying the novel. A warm thrill settled in your chest at the thought of him taking an interest in something he usually wouldn't bother with simply because you enjoyed it.
The warm thrill morphed into more of a low heat and traveled down your body as your gaze refocused on his bare skin. Moving the hand on his stomach upward over his chest, your fingertips traced the outline of the tattoo on his left pec.
“What prompted you to get this?” you asked, curious if there was a meaning behind the skull and criss-crossed rifles.
Giving a low chuckle, he replied, “Youth and stupidity.”
Giving a huffed laugh in return, you trailed curious fingers over to the other tattoos on his arms, inquiring about each one as you went. Some had a story behind them, others not so much (you had tried not to roll your eyes when he explained that the revolver on his right forearm was the same one he had handled once and thought was ‘fucking cool as shit’). He also had a few scars on his upper body, some from before the apocalypse but most from after. You listened intently as he opened up about each one, drinking in as much personal information about the man beside you as possible.
Not wanting to stop the exploration just yet, you pushed up on your other elbow and journeyed over his throat, tracing his Adam’s apple before running your fingers delicately through the surprisingly soft beard framing his gorgeous mouth.
Capturing the questing hand in his own, he brought your fingers to his lips. The breath caught in your chest when he kissed the mostly-healed scar from the knife injury you had acquired a few weeks prior. Heart beating frantically at the gentle gesture, you smiled up at him when he released your hand and allowed it to resume exploring.
“So,” you tried for calm and casual, fingers moving up to lightly trace his ear before diving into his thick hair and mapping the streaks of salt within the pepper. “What are your plans for today?”
It took him a few seconds to answer, his eyes having fluttered closed as your nails gently massaged his scalp. You smiled at his obvious enjoyment of your touch, at how he had lowered his walls in this moment and was allowing himself to be both physically and emotionally vulnerable.
“I wish they were to stay here and enjoy this fucking delightful body of yours all day, but I have a meeting with my Saviors at eight.”
The thought of spending an entire day frolicking in bed with Negan caused a dreamy sigh to leave your lips. His eyes opened and zeroed in on your mouth at the sound, that magical tongue of his coming out to lick his bottom lip as he added, “Though, that’s still about an hour away…”
At that, he quickly rolled over so his lean body was pinning you into the mattress, his lips cutting off your squeal of surprise before it even left your throat. The hand still in his hair tightened, causing him to give a low groan and grind his hips down into yours. You tried to make a mental note of his reaction to the touch, but seeing as how there were no barriers keeping his quickly-hardening erection from pressing into your thigh, all higher levels of brain function quickly flew out of the room.
Bracing above you, he leaned down and started kissing your neck, a move guaranteed to make you melt. When his mouth descended over the curve of your breasts, you tried to lift your head to watch his downward progress but a sharp pang of discomfort at your scalp made you wince and try to jerk away, which only succeeded in making the pain even worse.
“Ow, wait!” you blurted, causing Negan to instantly freeze and look up at you in alarm.
“Doll, what-”
“You’re on my hair! Move your hand!”
Quickly realizing his mistake, Negan moved the hand that had accidentally been pinning a large chunk of your hair, and by proxy your head, to the mattress.
“Fucking hell, I’m sorry, doll,” he cursed, making as if to lift his body off you entirely.
Now wanting his faux pas to ruin the moment, you pushed his shoulders sideways and hooked a leg up over his hip before commanding, “Roll over.”
He hesitated for a moment before relenting, the two of you somehow able to switch places on the narrow, twin-sized bed without falling off. Once the semi-awkward resituating was done, he was on his back and you were straddling his hips. The move caused the sheet to fall off, exposing your entire body to his gaze. Based on the way his eyes grew hazy with lust as they took in your bared curves, not to mention his obvious erection, it was safe to say that he didn’t mind this change in position one bit.
Warm, calloused palms drifted up over your thighs, hips, and the sides of your waist, before cupping breasts that were begging for his touch. Leaning down, your already-hardened nipples pressed into his palms as you kissed him hungrily. Shifting your hips, you started rubbing forwards and backwards over the erection pressed between both your lower stomachs. You moaned into each other’s mouths at the sensation, pussy lips parting around his girth so that your wetness coated his cock, the fat head bumping against your clit with each slide.
“I think I like being in charge,” you purred.
Giving a dark chuckle that sent shivers down your spine, he replied, “Enjoy it while it fucking lasts.”
Planning to do just that, you reached over to pluck a condom off the side table, incredibly grateful to whatever deity helped you successfully open the foil packet and smoothly roll the latex down over him on the first try. Tossing the empty packet over the side of the bed, you wrapped slightly trembling fingers around his swollen cock and lifted your hips, lining him up with your entrance. Maintaining eye contact, you slowly slid down his length, mouth falling open on a whimper at the feel of him parting overly-sensitive flesh that was still a bit sore from the activities of the previous night. Despite Negan’s initial threat over you stealing both coconut oil from the kitchen and condoms from his room, his only “punishment” last night had been fucking you relentlessly into the mattress until you had multiple orgasms and could barely even remember your own name.
In spite of the slight burn as sore muscles again stretched around his thickness, you didn’t stop until he was fully seated inside. His cock felt so big in this position that it was almost overwhelming, but you sat up so that your hands were braced on his chest and used your thigh muscles to start a slow up and down rhythm.
His fingers reached up and pinched your nipples, causing you to clench around him. He groaned at the sensation, gaze becoming more intense when you slightly picked up the pace. It felt magnificent, but at the same time you craved more of the hard, rough friction that he had given you the night before. Body trying to find that friction on its own, your hips swiveled in a circle as you sank back down, which must’ve felt just as amazing for him as it did you, since he gave a strangled moan at the same moment his hands immobilized your hips in a bruising grip.
“Alright, doll. My turn.”
That was the only warning you got before he braced his feet against the mattress and moved up in you, hard. Falling forward onto your palms with a gasp, fingers curled into the bedsheet and hips writhed in pleasure when he repeated the move. He continued the sharp, deep thrusts, watching your face closely before wrapping a hand around the back of your neck and pulling your mouth down to his own. His tongue thrust into your mouth possessively, as if trying to claim as much of you at once as he could. The pace was brutal yet unhurried, each thrust feeling like a deliberate attack on your sanity as his movements drew fire over your skin and consumed you, body and soul.
Pressing down into him while leaning forward caused your clit to grind against his lower abdomen in the perfect way with each thrust, building up the orgasm that had previously hovered just out of reach. Breaking the kiss with a cry, you saw the expression of intense concentration on his face as he continued to move your bodies together in perfect rhythm. Breasts pressed into his chest and mouth panting at his ear, your body gave into his, letting him drive you up and over the edge, into the abyss of pleasure.
“Negan,” you moaned, muscles tightening then releasing as the orgasm washed through you. His answering grunt and curse signaled his own release, though he continued his driving rhythm through it all, wringing each drop of pleasure from your body until it collapsed limply on top of his.
Resting your head on his shoulder, you again traced over the tattoo on his chest, waiting for your heartbeat and breathing to slow back down to normal. Glancing up his body, you found him already looking back down at you, a relaxed and satisfied grin on his lips that was only witnessed behind closed doors, when the two of you were alone. His hand idly stroked over a piece of hair laying on your shoulder, the gesture making you think back to earlier when he had accidentally pinned you to the mattress, and the resulting ungraceful maneuvering to switch positions in a bed that was entirely too small for two adult bodies. A light laugh escaped you that caused Negan to raise an eyebrow in question.
“Just remembering your super smooth move from earlier,” you teased. You wouldn’t admit this out loud, but it was actually a bit of a relief to know that even Mr. Harem-of-Wives, Sex-God Negan wasn’t always flawless in the sack.
“Making fun of me, doll?” he growled.
“Maybe.”
Whack. The loud crack, accompanied by the slight sting of sensation against your left asscheek, caused you to jump and look at him in wide-eyed shock.
“Did you just spank me?!” you exclaimed.
“Maybe.”
Before you could form an appropriate reply, he silenced any retort with his lips. Shallow creature that you apparently were, the move worked, and when he pulled away a long minute later, your brain conveniently forgot why you were supposed to be coming up with a retort in the first place.
Negan glanced over at the side table, where your watch sat. Also looking over, you saw that it was now almost 7:30am, which meant he had half an hour to go back to his room and become presentable for his 8am Savior meeting. You were curious what the meeting was about, but didn’t want to ruin the perfection of the morning by bringing up a potentially serious topic.
“Much as I hate to say it, doll, duty fucking calls.”
Your expression must’ve showcased more than you thought, since he gave a chuckle and said, “How about I make it up to you by finishing our fucking chess bet?”
Interest instantly piqued, you sat up on his chest and replied, “The third outing?! Can we go today?”
He looked at you consideringly, before giving a slight nod and agreeing. “We fucking could, but I won’t be free until the dinner hour.”
Much as you didn’t want to skip out on your duties, even if it was with the leader of the establishment, you also weren’t about to turn down more alone time with Negan, especially outside of the Sanctuary.
“I could meet you at the front gate at 5?” you suggested. That would give you just enough time to make sure dinner was fully prepped and almost ready to serve, since the community ate their meal from 5 to 7pm. It lessened the guilt, since you wouldn’t be completely leaving Ben and the staff short-handed.
“Works for me, doll,” he said, gently rolling you off his body and to the narrow strip of mattress free beside him.
Biting your lower lip to keep from gasping at the empty sensation when he pulled out his now-flaccid dick, you watched him rise slowly from the bed. You took possessive pleasure in viewing his naked body, thighs clenching at the sight of him stretching muscular arms up towards the ceiling with his head tipped back. The pop of his back and resulting grunt made you comment, “I think from now on we might be better off in your bed. I have no clue how we even managed to fit in mine all night.”
“Thank fucking god. If I have to spend any more nights in that fucking thing, I’ll be stiffer than a cock in a brothel.”
Rolling your eyes at his that’s-so-Negan one-liner, you pulled the sheet up over your chest and settled in to watch him get dressed. You felt a bit like a voyeur when he removed the condom, tied off the end, and tossed it into the little garbage can. You felt a lot like a voyeur when he leaned down to pick up his boxer briefs and the sight of his bent-over ass almost made you whimper out loud.
“You sure you can’t skip the meeting and stay here?” The words left your lips before your brain could even stop them.
Turning to look at you, the desire must have been written all over your face because that muscle in his jaw ticked and he ran a hand down over his beard in obvious frustration. You swore he started to take a step back towards the bed, but he caught himself and instead returned to the task of getting dressed.
When he was done putting on the navy tee and dark grey pants, complete with his signature black boots, he did finally come back over to the bed. Leaning down, he cupped a warm hand possessively around the side of your neck and placed a heated kiss on your lips before slightly pulling back and saying in that sinful, husky voice, “5 o’clock, doll. You better be ready for me.”
With that, he straightened, crossed the room, and let himself out. As the door clicked softly shut behind him, you replied with a dazed, “Yes, sir.”
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#negan#negan fanfiction#negan smut#negan fanfic#negan fanfics#irresistible danger#ash writes#twd#the walking dead#negan x reader#negan x you#slow burn#twd negan#the walking dead negan
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Hi if your requests are still open can you do something with the demon brothers + new datables (or not if that's too much!) comforting an MC who just got off a shift at work and is frustrated from customers and needs some reassuring words/cuddles to make them feel better? Thanks so much~😊💞
A message for all the workers who are employed despite the pandemic or were employed but had to stop due to the pandemic, YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!
Thank you so much for all the hard work you're doing/done, especially retail. You guys are always being supportive and understanding.
I'm so sorry for all you who's had to deal with Karen's and uncomfortable customer's who's tried hitting on you or just being disturbing
I wish the government wasn't doing you all dirty. Money can be such a serious issue and now it's gotten even worse, I just wanna say I'm proud and thankful!
Brothers + undateables comfort MC who just finished a hard day of work
Lucifer:
You found him in his study, hunched over his desk
Seeing him so deep into work made you regret coming to him
You were just about to head back up but he spotted you
"Welcome back, I'll be with you in a moment, I I just need to- Dear? What's wrong?"
You immediately broke down into tears
In seconds you were being cradled in his arms, sitting in his lap and having soothing circles rubbed into your back
He's letting you release your frustrations, ignoring how wet his shirt was getting
When you finally calmed down, you apologized for getting his shirt wet
"Nonsense, tell me what's upset you, was it your manager again?"
You explained how your day went, how costumers were yelling at you and the work getting overwhelming
"You did everything you could, they're lucky to have such a hard worker like yourself, I'll be phoning your boss as soon as I can to get you a raise."
Mammon:
He picked you up in his car, waving you over with some take out sitting in your seat
As soon as you buckled in you took your portion of take out
"So, how was work? Did you finally get your pay check?"
You sighed, shoving your face with food as you ranted about how difficult today has been
The more you spoke the more upset you got, sniffling and trying to hide your sobs
He couldn't stand it; he pulled over as soon as he could and turned to you
"They can't be treating you like that! What are their names and faces? I'll go sort them out, no one treats my baby like that!"
You laughed, telling him he can't beat up your costumers
"You can't do it but I can, don't worry I'll find a way."
He pulled you into a hug, both of you laughing when he choked himself on his seatbelt
After you two unbuckled he just let you lean against him, having how own mini rant about how amazing you are and people not treating you like you're the most valuable treasure in the world
Levithan:
He was gaming, of course, when he heard you knock he immediately asked what's the secret password
"Please, not today, I can barely think right now, can I just come in?"
Usually he's more stubborn than that but hearing how desperate your voice was, he let you in
Knew something was bad when you immediately climbed into his bed tub and smother yourself with his body pillow
He let his game play in the background, ignoring the angry messages from his team mates
"Work stress?"
All he heard was a muffled sound of agreement
"Those damn normies-! What did they do to you? Was it the Karen's again?"
You yelled into the pillow, ranting about your day and letting it be muffled but still loud enough for him to hear
He scooted over in his chair, watching you peak your head out
Tears staining your cheeks as you frowned at him
He blushed as he immediately kissed both of your cheeks, cupping your face
"wanna play employee simulator? It lets you fight the annoying customers."
Satan:
"There's my hard worker." He kissed your cheek, greeting you at your bedroom door
"You seem upset, what's the matter?"
You immediately started explaining what happened toward, leaning against him as you went on and on
Satan could feel his anger flair up as he listened
He couldn't stand how the customer's have been treating you and the fact no one was willing to give you some emotional support at work?
Not even a pat on the shoulder or words of praise of how you handled it
But he kept himself in check, holding you close
"That must of been horrible, I can't imagine how tired you must be, let's go rest, okay? You did amazing today, kitten."
You sniffled, asking if he really meant what he said
He nodded, dragging you to your bed and telling you how proud he is
Asmodeus:
"My poor sweetheart! You look absolutely exhausted! What happened today?!"
He caressed and rubbed your skin, soothing out your frown lines and any sign of stress
You let him pamper you whilst you went off about how work was
Recieving alot of 'No!'s, 'They didn't!' and hums of displeasure
He tsked, rubbing the soothing cream into your palm
"They're just awful, aren't they? This kind of stress isn't good for you, Perhaps I should come with you! See how great you are in person."
You immediately butted in, not wanting him to force himself to do something he didn't want to do
Knowing he's very mindful of his appearance and status among people
"I'll do it for you~ besides, people love me! I'll charm those horrible costumers and they'll never be rude to you again."
You insisted that he didn't have to
He then rambled on about how attractive you look when you're focused and doing work
You just laughed, sinking into his touch as he went on
Beezlebub:
He frowned when he noticed you didn't give him his 'im back' kiss
He immediately went searching for you and found you in your room
Face buried in your pillow and your body shaking
"You're crying."
A pit formed in his stomach, wondering what upset you
You told him how horrible today was, going into detail about how hard you were trying to fix the issues but they just wouldn't stop
You almost got in trouble with your manger! You could of been fired!
"You did everything you could and still kept your cool, the place would be lost without you there."
You smiled, shuffling over and giving him a big hug, he immediately returned it
He was giving you gentle comforting squeezes
slowly rocking you both side to side
"I'll eat them if they keep harassing you."
Belphegor:
"Come to your favourite demon, tell him everything that happened."
He did the grabby hands, looking up at you
You sighed, letting yourself flop in his arms as you hugged him
You wondered how he could tell how upset you were
He just grinned
"I'm smart, remember? I know when my teddy bear is upset."
You just rolled your eyes, staring off to the side as tears formed
He didn't expect you to yell in frustration
You ranted about how work was today
How costumers yelled at you and kept insisting you were lying about the products
Critizing your job and assuming things about you
Even having a few creeps come in and try to flirt with you
"Don't listen to any of them, I know who you are and you know who you are, It's impressive how professional you can be when they act like that, I would of killed them."
He listened to you ramble, hugging you and stroking up and down your back
UNDATEABLES↓
Diavolo:
"I didn't expect you to come back so late, did something happen?"
You explained how your job forced you to do extra hours, despite not getting over time pay
He made a mental note to visit your workplace on one of your day's off
You then proceeded to go on about how the costumer's were treating you
How stressful and harsh today was
Diavolo just listened, nodding along
He felt his jaw clench
"Tell me more on the bed, your feet must be aching."
You both laid on his bed, you continued your story about today whilst he held your hand
"This is unforgivable, I cannot stand to imagine people being so rude to you, I know you do your very best and would never deserve such treatment."
He was cuddling you all night, wanting to sooth your upset heart
Whenever he felt you shake against him, trying to combat your tears he just gently patted you
Encouraging you to just let it all out, praising you for how amazing you are
Barbatos:
As soon as you arrived back, he was quick to help you undress
Handing you your pajamas and helped you take off your shoes
He noticed a new blister and your sigh of content when you were finally out of them
He works aswell so he understands the struggles
"another long day? tell me what happened, you need to let your frustrations out."
And you did just that
You poured your heart and soul into your stressed out grunts
Becoming more upset the more you spoke about your tough day
Getting more upset when your manager only made it worse by blaming the costumers anger on you
All you did was tell her what you were taught to say!
"That won't do, I'll be sure to have my lord handle things with your boss, tomorrow."
You told him that you didn't want to be a hassle but he silenced you
Suddenly embarassing you as he patted your head
"I'll fix this for you, while I cannot change the customer's I can change how your higher ups are treating you, you don't deserve this."
Solomon:
When you met up with him, you had to try and hide how much you've been stressing
But Solomon was known to be wise for a reason
He immediately figured out something was wrong
"I'm Solomon the wise, you cannot fool me, what happened today?"
As soon as you tell him what happened today
He pulls out a potion, suspiciously doesn't tell you what it does, and tells you to splash it in difficult customers eyes
You were sure it was posion or some weird liquid that came from his cooking attempts
Then again those were basically the same thing
"if the eyes don't work, I could put it in a spray, it'll stop them from yelling at you again~!"
You were very tempted
You never wanted to be yelled or harassed by a customer again
But you didn't want to get fired for assaulting a customer or even worse, killing one
"You followed protocol exactly as you were told, they shouldn't be mad at you for doing your job but don't worry, I'll make all your tears-"
He suddenly wiped under your eyes, catching you off guard
"Disappear!"
Simeon:
"My little lamb, tell me what's bothering you."
He sat you down on the sofa, grasping your hand
You deflated
You rested your head on his chest and played with his hand
He listened to you rant and ramble about your horrible day at work
He couldn't believe what he was hearing; how rude they were and had no right to treat you like that!
"Perhaps, I shall bless you with a miracle and get rid of those rude customer's."
As wonderful as that sounded
You joked how unangelic it seemed; using his power to 'get rid of people'
Hearing a dangerous implication in his voice
"It is a good deed that will do many a favour, I believe it to be extremely kind, after all, you didn't do anything wrong."
Stayed and cuddled with you until you fell asleep, preferring how happy and peaceful you looked than how you looked before
Stressed and clearly upset
Luke:
"Those demons!! I've been telling you they're horrible creatures, they can't be treating you like that!"
Perhaps ranting to him wasn't the wisest decision
But he was so eager to see you after work and wanted to know what was wrong
He was hugging your hips, stomping his foot when he spoke
"You're an angel in human disguise! There's no way they could be so horrible to out without being truely evil beings!"
You tried to calm him down by picking him up
Telling him you were able to handle the situation like a champ
He felt better knowing you were able to come out on top
He hugged you as you took him back to his room
Tucking him into bed but was surprised when he grabbed you
"You're a really good person and I know you work harder than anyone else, I hope they don't be mean to you like that again."
#obey me#obey me shall we date#gamingclubpresident#obey me mammon#aracadejohn217 9#obey me mc#obey me asmodeus#obey me beezlebub#obey me satan#obey me leviathan#obey me luke#obey me luficer#obey me solomon#obey me simeon#obey me demon brothers#obey me diavolo#obey me belphegor#obey me barbatos#obey me imagine#obey me fluff#obey me x reader
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starstruck ; spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader
summary: “Can I request some age gap Spencer x reader. Maybe he’s nervous about approaching her for a relationship bc she’s younger, but he’s so goofy for her it’s he’s in love obvious. Pretty pls 🥺💕” 5222 words
a/n: i didn’t specify ages cause i wasn’t sure what people would be comfortable with so i just mentioned an age gap and leave the rest up to you!! i would happily date someone twice my age but i also have daddy issues so :)
masterlist
The day has finally arrived.
Mollie can call you a nerd all she wants, but you know the second she lays eyes on Derek Morgan or Emily Prentiss she’ll change her tune.
This event has been in the university’s calendar since the beginning of the semester. At least two members of the FBI Behavioural Analysis Unit were promised to give a talk about their department, even taking you through a solved case like an interactive documentary, to encourage students to consider joining the academy post-graduation. There was whispers they’d even stick around after to answer some questions.
Your other friend, Jen, the one that understands your excitement, wrote your names down for tickets immediately. You’ve had a countdown on your phone ever since.
“They’ve announced a last-minute guest,” She beams, just as giddy as you. You’re wasting time at the coffee house near the auditorium, waiting for Mollie to arrive.
“Oh, really? Who?”
“Doctor Spencer Reid.”
You almost drop your cookie in shock and stare at her, pupils blown.
“You’re a big fan?” She smirks.
As nonchalantly as you can, you lean back in your chair, “I’m a fan of his work, yes.”
“Oh, his work?”
“Don’t start.”
“I bet you love his work.”
“He’s well-versed and his papers are super interesting-“
“His papers are super interesting-“
“You are a child.”
Just then, Mollie appears, checking her watch. You wish you could kiss her in thanks for saving you from the teasing that would likely never end. “We’re gonna be late for your morbid seminar if you two don’t stop bickering.”
Jen downs the rest of her drink, you shove the last of the cookie in your mouth. Mollie watches your excitement in amusement – your heart starts pumping, whole body buzzing, the same nervousness you felt when you were a preteen right before your first ever One Direction concert. It’s the kind of nervousness that makes your palms sweaty.
Is it evolution or devolution to go from sweating over One Direction to sweating over FBI profilers?
+++
The seminar goes on for an hour, including the questions people ask throughout. It’s everything you could’ve asked for, entertaining and so, so informative and although you weren’t considering joining the FBI before, suddenly it’s all you can think about. Guest speakers have that affect, don’t they? They make you wonder if you should drastically change everything you’ve been planning.
Even Mollie, who you had to threaten to tag along, ended up enjoying herself. “Maybe I learnt a thing or two,” She’d said, rolling her eyes playfully.
You and your friends are some of the last to leave. There’s quite the bustling outside, which you assume is just post-seminar chatter, but you and Jen falter in your steps when you see the exact profilers that had been onstage several minutes ago in front of you, happily interacting and talking to fellow students.
“Oh, man,” Jen whispers, her and Mollie making eye contact across you. “I have to see if I can talk to Emily.”
Mollie encourages her with a frantic, “Go! Go!” while you’re rooted in place. Mollie jabs you with a pointed nail, “You in there, Y/N? I’m sure you have loads of questions for them-“
You stutter and shake your head, “N-no. I’m good. You can try and hit on Derek, if you want.”
You give a half-attempt at a smile, barely lifting the corners of your lips. Mollie recognises that look. She wants to stay with you, check you’re not too overwhelmed, but you shoo her away and send her towards Derek. You breathe a sigh of relief – you’ve been friends with her long enough that she knows when you need space.
There’s something about seeing people you admire so abruptly that totally throws you for a loop. All you had prepared for was seeing them from afar and subsequently talking about it forever, but nothing beyond that. In some circumstances, it’d be a pleasant surprise, but for someone that struggles around strangers and especially around people as admirable as profilers, you are not mentally prepared for this and have therefore shut down.
But then you see him.
He’s shuffling in place in the corner of the room, close to a large potted plant like it’s his only friend. He’s nibbling his lip as his eyes flutter around, never staying somewhere for longer than a second, looking increasingly uncomfortable.
Why is no one talking to him? He’s Spencer Reid.
There’s a couple of people surrounding Emily, fully entranced by whatever story she’s relaying, another few people around Derek, chortling at a joke he just made. Spencer glances between them and their audiences, and you can’t help but wonder why he isn’t right next to them, chatting away, too.
Does he not want to talk to anyone?
You should talk to him.
No. He probably wants to be alone.
Or what if he doesn’t and no one else is talking to him which means you can have a one-on-one conversation? What about that?
Are you insane?
…
You have to talk to him.
Before you can change your mind, you’re approaching him with a tight grip on the handle of your bag, pushing it higher up your shoulder. He spots you and makes eye contact just as you stop in front of him, and you notice he momentarily tightens his grip on his satchel.
Was this a bad idea?
“Hi,” You breathe, “I’m Y/N. A big fan.”
His eyes widen a fraction, which you don’t understand because why else would you be here, but he smiles nonetheless, “Hi, I’m, uh, Spencer Reid.”
“I know.”
“Yes, you know. That makes sense, because you were in the seminar. I saw you.”
Now you’re shocked. For as long as you can remember you never sit in the centre of a room, where most attention seems to go, so how did he-
“I-I always scan the room I’m in its.. it’s not a creepy thing, I swear. I’m not creepy.”
A laugh escapes you at that, making him visibly relax. “I don’t think you’re creepy. There was just.. a lot of people in there, so I’m surprised you remember my face.” You shrug.
I couldn’t forget such a beautiful face.
You don’t know what happens, but Spencer suddenly tenses up. His back straightens and he looks alarm, stiff.
Did he just think that? What.. why did he think that?
You wonder if you’ve said something wrong, so you try to change the topic.
“I-I have a question, if you don’t mind answering.”
Spencer nods with an of course, and when the question rolls off your tongue, his mind is still reeling from subconsciously calling you beautiful in his head. It’s not untrue, but it feels.. inappropriate. He doesn’t know why. But you are beautiful.
As he scans your face, now much closer than in the auditorium, he realises yeah, you are incredibly beautiful.
You wave a hand in front of his face, “Doctor Reid?”
“Sorry, yes, sorry. What are you studying?”
There’s a light in your eyes that Spencer recognises when you say, “Psychology.”
“Thought so.”
“You probably talk to a lot of psychology students. I-um. I almost went to Caltech,” Spencer raises an eyebrow, "After I read your dissertation, it really inspired me to look into it – your dissertation is incredible, by the way.”
Spencer smiles bashfully, a futile attempt to not allow the grin to overtake his face, and thanks you, “I appreciate it. Actually, I was sixteen when I wrote it.”
“Are you kidding me?!” Your eyes widen, “You’re insane! You’re amazing!”
The praise bursts from you, and his blushing face makes you oddly proud. On the other hand, Spencer feels like you’ve set him alight, his blood pumping loudly in his ears, as he’s unable to tear his eyes away from your smile.
He desperately needs to change the topic.
“To answer your question…”
Derek notices you two interacting across the room. Mollie sees him looking and hums, “Oh, that’s Y/N, my best friend. She really likes Spencer.”
Derek raises an eyebrow, “Looks like he really likes her.”
“Don’t tell her that. She’ll collapse.”
They both watch you for a second, Spencer flailing his arms as he explains, you eagerly adding to his rambling, asking a question here and exclaiming some kind of encouragement there. It’s sweet, Derek thinks.
“Hey..” Mollie begins, a scheming look in her eye, “We’re planning to hang out in the campus bar later. It’s open to all and the drinks are cheap. If you and Emily happen to find yourselves looking for something to do and you drag Spencer along.. I’m sure Y/N would like it.”
“I like the way you think,” Derek says, “I’ll see what I can do.”
+++
“She’s getting hit on. Again.” You giggle, gesturing for Jen to turn around and witness Mollie get your drinks paid for by a random guy.
She’s always been a people person – it’s saved you hundreds on nights out.
All Jen does is glance over her shoulder, scoff, then turn her sceptical eyes to you.
“I saw you and Spencer Reid.” She says, twinkling eyes. She’s trying not to look smug.
“I almost proposed to him.” You joke, taking your drink from Mollie with a mumbled thanks.
“Oh, I bet you did,” She laughs, “You two looked sooo good together.”
“Alright,” You slide a shot to each girl, “I know you’re making fun of me, but I’m taking that compliment and cherishing it. Spencer Reid is cute, what of it?!”
You clink the shot glasses with your friends and down them, all wincing at the taste and giggling at Jen when she takes a gulp of her cocktail to wash away the taste of straight vodka.
“How did talking to Derek and Emily go?”
And then Jen starts chattering away.
You miss the bar door opening behind you, But Mollie notices. She’s been watching the door since they got here, conveniently choosing the table with the best view, just in case some profilers decided to stop by.
Derek catches Mollie’s eye and winks.
“Well I never,” Mollie fakes shock, “Look who just walked through the doors.”
You turn and choke on your drink. Emily and Derek look relax, like they’re home, but Spencer?
He looks just like he did earlier: like there’s a million places he’d rather be.
He’s lost the blazer he was wearing earlier, leaving him in a fitted purple shirt with a matching tie. With the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, you can see his firm hands and the silver watch that rests on his wrist – is it possible for a watch to be sexy? Or maybe it’s just cause he’s sexy?
That shot must be getting to you.
“What the hell are they doing here?” You hiss, a sharp whisper piercing the air as you turn and (terribly) try to hide your face.
But Spencer’s seen you. He spotted you the moment they came in – he recognised your clothes and your hair – and the second he did he turned right back around to exit the bar. Derek’s arm stopped him at his chest, like he does to unsubs, forcefully turning him around and laughing when Spencer tensed up.
“What, Reid? Scared of a pretty girl?” Derek teases, much like he’d been doing since he spoke to you earlier.
“I am scared of college girls, yes. Last time I was in a college bar I was twelve and downed shots of apple juice.”
“What?!” Both Emily and Derek stop short, looks of disbelief at the revelation. “You’ve never mentioned that.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“We,” Derek places his hands on Spencer’s shoulders, directing him to your table, “Are just gonna have a few drinks and talk to a few people, and then you’re gonna explain that apple juice story in explicit detail- hey ladies!”
Jen and Mollie look overjoyed at the new company, while you stare rigidly with distinctive what the fuck eyes.
“Would you mind if we joined you?” Emily asks, with a sparkling grin that no one could say no to.
“Of course not,” Jen grins, like it’s the most obvious answer.
The empty seat next to you is taken by Spencer (Derek discreetly shoves him) but right before he’s firmly placed on the stool, Emily calls out, “Spence, why don’t you get us some drinks? You still owe us after you lost that game of gin..”
“I didn’t lose.” Spencer huffs indignantly, “You cheated.”
Despite his grunts, he stands to make his way to the bar, but not before-
“Y/N!” Mollie beams, “It’s your turn to get the round, if you’d be so kind.”
You know that look on her face. You hate her, you realise, but you also love her because being alone with Spencer sends a thrill through you.
Alone with Spencer. What the hell are you supposed to say to him?
You follow him to the bar. He leans against it with an awkward smile.
“Hey, Y/N.”
“Hey.”
“It’s uh.. it’s been a long time since we’ve seen eachother.” It’s a half attempt at a joke, followed by instant regret. But then you giggle and everything feels right in the world, even Spencer’s sucky joke.
“It has been a while, Doctor Reid.” You say. The bartender approaches, takes your orders, then you turn to Spencer, “What brings you to a college bar, of all places?”
“Well,” Spencer glances over your shoulder to your table. He makes eye contact with every single person there, all watching you two interact, and they all sharply turn and try to play it off like they’ve been talking casually. Spencer’s brows furrow a little. “Derek said the drinks are cheap and our hotel is only a couple blocks away. I don’t know, maybe Derek likes college girls.”
You laugh again, and Spencer has to take a second to realise you’re not laughing at him but at what he said about Derek. “Yeah, Derek seems like a real ladies man.”
“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.” Spencer grins, “We once timed him to see how long it would take to get a girls number and he did it in five minutes. And he said he was having a bad day.”
The drinks are placed in front of you. Neither of you notice.
You unconsciously lean closer, saying, “Have you timed it to see how long it takes for a girl to approach him? That’s gotta be, like, maybe ten minutes?”
“Eight minutes and twenty-three seconds.”
“Well damn. Has he always been so…” A hand gestures in the air, looking for the word.
“Promiscuous?”
“I was gonna say free.”
“Free?” Spencer giggles, “That’s very nice of you.”
You shrug, “I don’t judge.” Spencer agrees, and it slips out, “What about you?”
You wish you could shove the words back in your mouth. Even more so when his expression changes. You can’t entirely make out what it is, but even in the dimly lit bar you can see the flush of heat that spreads through his cheeks to his ears.
“Are you asking me if I’m free with the ladies?” He murmurs, suppressing a grin.
You give an awkward laugh, wondering if you’ve overstepped a boundary, “Yeah. But that’s kinda weird to ask, so-“
“I’m so popular with the ladies it puts Derek to shame.”
You can’t hide your surprise. “What? Really?”
Spencer caves. “No. Is it that hard to believe I’m a ladies man?”
“Compared to Derek? Yes.”
Spencer scoffs.
+++
“As adorable as they are, it’s been thirty minutes.” Emily sighs. “I want my drink.”
“They’re bonding,” Jen sends a wistful look, “I’m so proud.”
“I’m guessing Y/N isn’t the most social either?” Derek asks, proudly watching you interact.
“She’s the best, just a little shy sometimes.” She smiles at you, even though you can’t see, “She’s an idiot, but our idiot, you know?”
Both Emily and Derek laugh airily, nodding with a, “Yeah, we know.”
At once, three phones vibrate throughout the bar – Emily, Derek and Spencer. They’re instantly filled with disappointment; Derek can’t watch Spencer attempt to flirt with a girl he’s obviously interested in, Emily still hasn’t got a drink, and Spencer has to leave you and he can’t think of anything worse.
He’s clearly hesitant when he looks at his phone. How does he say goodbye? Does he ask for your number? Would that be weird? That would be weird.
“Uhh…”
You channel every ounce of liquid courage you have in your body and offer, “Would it be weird if I gave you my number? Just.. for anything. Anything at all.”
Spencer nods, a gentle look in his eyes and a smile on his face, “Yeah, I’d like that.”
You mumble an alright, accepting Spencer’s phone and creating a new contact for yourself.
Please text me. You think. Please text me.
+++
He doesn’t text.
It’s been a week. A week. You know how cases are, some take longer than others and some are solved in literal hours, but it’s been a week, Spencer goddamn Reid, so why haven’t you texted me.
That’s when the doubt creeps in. Your friends keep telling you he’ll text, that he’s just busy (“He’s an FBI agent, Y/N. If you start dating you’re gonna have to get used to lapses in contact.” To which you’re too distracted choking at the mention of you two dating), but you can’t help but wonder if he took your number simply so he could leave quicker. He had a case to get to, after all. He had people to save.
Now you feel guilty. You forced your number on him, didn’t you? Oh God, he hates you. He hates you and you forced your number on him and he hasn’t texted you because he’s filing a restraining order against you because he hates you.
Mollie tells you you need a nap.
+++
Spencer spends the time on the jet back from the case staring at your number. He has it memorised, of course, and has had it memorised from the first time he read it, of course, but he can’t bring himself to do anything with it.
All he’s done is change your contact picture from the standard first letter of your name to a cute picture of a frog Garcia sent him. It reminds him of you.
Derek lowers his headphones, “You texted her yet, Pretty Boy?”
“Huh? Uh, no. I don’t think I will.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know,” Spencer shrugs, locking his phone and placing it face down. “I don’t think anything would come from it.”
“Kid,” Derek leans forward, eyebrows furrowed, “You two talked for well over thirty minutes in the middle of a college bar about God knows what. Maybe I’m easy to impress, but that seemed pretty special to me.”
“How is talking in a college bar worth anything?”
“Because you’re Reid, who, most of the time, has to be physically dragged into a bar. You hate talking to strangers about anything other than work. Y/N? A stranger. What did you two talk about?”
“We talked about you a little.”
“Uhuh. About how good I am at my job?”
“God, no,” Spencer scrunches his nose, “We talked about your charm with the ladies.”
Derek falls back in his chair and scoffs, “I’m flattered, but that doesn’t sound like work-talk to me. So you’re comfortable with her. I saw you laughing, so she makes you laugh, too. Sounds pretty great to me.”
Spencer stares. Derek’s right, but..
“So what is it, Reid?”
Spencer licks his lips. “Do you think she’s too young for me?”
Derek rarely looks taken aback, but he does now, “Too young?”
“She’s in college. I’m-I’m-“
“A legal adult. As is she.”
Spencer slumps. “A 2014 Current Population Survey found the average difference for a heterosexual couple is two-point-three years, with the man older than the woman. Even if you double that, that’s still less than me and Y/N-“
“Four years isn’t a lot, Spence,”
“You just.. you don’t think it’s weird?”
“No. Do you?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.”
Derek’s conviction gives Spencer some reassurance, but he can’t help himself when he thinks that.. maybe.. you’ll find him boring. Most people seem to, with all his statistics and figures and facts, but with the added element of you living it up at college.. how could he compete?
“I think you’re worrying over nothing, Reid. You haven’t even texted her, and you’re already worrying about stuff like age gaps?” Derek crosses his hands and looks at Spencer with determination, “She gave you her number. She initiated it. She knows who you are, so she knows how old you are and it doesn’t seem to make her uncomfortable. So, why should it make you?”
Spencer just grunts.
“Are you worried people will say things?”
“I guess.”
“People always say things. You know that better than anyone. So screw ‘em.”
Spencer feels a smile creep onto his face.
And Derek relaxes. He’s planted the seeds, that Spencer is fretting over nothing, now all he’s got to do is wait for Spencer to let it sink in and allow the flowers to bloom and, next thing you know, Spencer’s gonna have himself the perfect girlfriend.
And Derek will take too much credit for it.
+++
“Heeeeeeeeey my precious Doctor…”
Garcia looks like her hand was caught in the cookie jar.
Spencer’s back straightens. “What did you do?”
She looks embarrassed, fiddling with the fluffy pen in her hand. She smiles awkwardly. “Derek may have told me about a pretty little college student that captured your heart, and then he told me you also haven’t texted her yet, so I did a little digging and…”
“You cyber-stalked Y/N?” Emily asks, casually. JJ seems unphased at the discussion. Does everyone in the office know about you?
“I did. I’m guilty. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.” She’s speaking a mile a minute.
Emily spares Spencer a glance, “Did you find anything?”
“Well…”
Concern fills Spencer. “Did something happen?”
“I just found some stuff she’d probably only tell a close friend and I feel really bad about it.” Her shoulders are by her ears as she tries to fold in on herself out of guilt, “But other than that she’s a genuinely sweet girl who volunteers at pet shelters and the college library in her free time and we have really similar music tastes so I think we’d make great friends.”
They all look to Spencer, waiting for his reaction. What? Is he supposed to be surprised that you’re the epitome of perfect? He’s not. He studied you the entire time you spoke.
“She’s also written several incredible papers on child development that I think are revolutionary and I totally emailed them to you because I think you should read them. She’s also a genius.”
Spencer’s hand twitches. He ignores the sudden need to check his email.
It’s silent as they just stare at him. He doesn’t say anything and tries not to react, but he does. They notice how his eyes flicker to his phone, how his leg fidgets, the longing in his eyes.
Emily brushes her hair back calmly and asks, “Hey, Pen, when does Y/N work at the college library?”
Penelope doesn’t catch on at first, casually replying, “Oh, basically every day from five pm onwards. They’re a twenty-four hour library and she combines working and studying.” When she sees Emily pointedly look at Spencer, she goes ohhh.
“Good to know,” Emily nods, “Good to know.”
+++
Spencer finds himself at the college library that night.
He wants to say it was an accident, or that he just happens to know there’s a special edition of a specific book here, but he’d be lying. He read your papers between reports, and found himself having a deep appreciation for the way you write – he wants to ready everything you’ve ever written. Every essay, every note, every formal and informal piece of work you’ve ever done.
He’s already fallen in love with the way you write. He doesn’t think he’s far from falling in love with you.
He wanders around the lower floor of the library. It’s impressive, he must admit, and he’s disappointed in himself for not visiting earlier. There’s students everywhere, but he notices some other people mixed in too – professors, businesspeople, as well as parents with their children.
He feels a little less weird for creeping around now.
Not that’s he’s creeping. He’s just.. there. To see a certain someone under the guise of looking for a book.
He moseys for a while, from the fiction section to the non-fiction to comics to autobiographies. You’re nowhere to be found – not between the rows of books, not working on any of the desks, not at the centre reception desk.
Until you’re suddenly behind him.
“Spencer?”
He jumps, looking up from the book he’s reading. Your voice is as calming and smooth as always.
“Y/N. Hi.”
“Hi,” Your brows are furrowed, but you’re not disappointed by the unexpected visitor. “What are you doing here?”
He lifts the book he’s holding, an Arthur Conan Doyle, giving a light lipped smile. “I’m just looking. I didn’t realise the college library was so plentiful – did you know the oldest library in the world dates from the seventh century BC?”
“I do, actually.” You point to a poster behind him, which displays that exact fact, “I thought dotting facts around the library would be interesting for the kids. They seem to like them.”
“Learning in young children is socially mediated, so good quality learning environments outside of their schools is crucial for children’s development. So, in a way, you’re enriching their lives beyond understanding.”
You’re flattered at his somewhat far-fetched attempt at complimenting you. It makes your heart flutter.
Why didn’t you contact me, you dimwit?
You open your mouth to ask another question, ask if there’s something he needs help finding, when he beats you to it.
With a firm grip, he slams the book he’s reading shut and says, “I’m lying.”
“Oh?”
“I didn’t come here to.. look around. I came here to see you.”
“Oh.”
Spencer doesn’t know what to make of that. You haven’t awkwardly looked away, or stepped back to increase the distance between you. That means something good, right?
“You didn’t text me, so I assumed you weren’t interested.” Your brows twitch, and you back-pedal, “Unless you purposely didn’t text me because you actually weren’t interested and you might be here to see me but for something book-related rather than me-related and I’ve totally humiliated myself.”
“No, no. You’re right. You’re right.” He fiddles with the book in shame, “I should’ve texted you. I just didn’t know what to say and.. Well, it’s stupid.”
Your head jerks a little to the side, something he’s noticed you do a lot, looking patient and too pretty for him to handle. “I’m sure it’s not stupid.”
Spencer thinks back to his conversation with Derek, specifically the reminder that you gave him your number which means you initiated this so yes, you are interested in him.
It’s just.. when he looks at you, he struggles to believe it a little. You’re breath-taking.
“I’m worried I’ll bore you.” He starts light, easing you into what’s been troubling him. He’s emboldened by the fact you’re clearly frustrated he didn’t text you.
You give him a look of horror, “The first time we met I told you I loved your dissertation on geographic regression. I definitely do not think you’re anything anywhere near boring.”
“Okay,” He nods, “What about our ages?”
You’re confused. “What about it?”
Spencer mirrors your expression. “It doesn’t.. bother you?”
“Does it.. bother you?”
Usually, answering a question with a question is a sign of deflection, a sign of hiding something. However he doesn’t know why, but Spencer trusts you with his life. Maybe not his life. Maybe his heart.
“Does that silence mean yes?”
He shakes his head, “No. It doesn’t bother me. I just worry that, you know, college years are the so-called best years of your life and I don’t want you to regret being with me, someone older than you, and resent me for it, or something-“
“I think you’re getting way in your head, Spence.” You laugh a little, “We haven’t gone on a single date and you’ve convinced yourself of so much already. For the record, no, your age doesn’t bother me in the slightest. It never has and I doubt it ever will. I think you’re the most fascinating and interesting person on this planet, and if anyone is getting bored with anyone I’m pretty confident it’ll be you getting sick of me. And,” You take a breath, “I think I’m old enough to know what I want, who I want, and what I want is you. If you want me, too.”
Spencer shoves the book back into the bookshelf with a satisfying sound, then turns and quickly places a kiss onto your cheek. It’s completely unexpected and, quite frankly, not something you’d expect from Doctor Reid, but you blush and there’s a definite red colour to Spencer’s cheeks, too.
“I will never, ever, get sick of you.” He says, voice small but firm. “But I don’t want you to regret being with me. Promise me you won’t.”
You give him a look that tells him you think he’s ridiculous. “I promise that I won’t regret being with you. I’d like us to last as long as possible, if I can be picky.”
“I’d like that, too.” He murmurs. The thought of you wanting him for as long as possible almost sends him into a frenzy. He wants to kiss you all over.
You stand close and talk quietly for a while, a little more discussion on a possible date that weekend and a constant stream of compliments from you to Spencer and vice versa, before you realise the time.
“I should probably go. I have a paper to finish.” You smile sadly, a tiny pout forming.
“I understand. Do you think I could read it? When you’re done?”
Your eyebrows shoot up, “Do you know how terrifying the idea of the Spencer Reid reading my work is? But yes, anything for you.”
Anything for you. Are you trying to kill him?
You turn to leave, refusing to admit how sad leaving Spencer makes you feel, when you stop, “One more thing.”
Spencer hums. He’s not fully paying attention, praying to whatever Gods exist that killers take a break on the weekend so he can take you out on the sweetest date.
“If age is a sore area for you,” There’s mirth in your eyes and Spencer prepares himself, “Does that mean the nickname old man is off the table?”
His lips purse and move towards his nose as he narrows his eyes, giving you a look of faux annoyance, “I am not an old man.”
“Sounds like you’re sensitive, old man.”
As you walk away, you jokingly blow him a kiss to add insult to injury. His pretend glare lasts until your back is turned and he feels his gaze softening to something akin to love.
Spencer thins if the rest of his life is this, you teasing him with that twinkle in your eye and smile on your face, then life is truly the most beautiful thing.
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