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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Infatuation

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: It’s not a secret that Corpse prefers taking care of his hair himself rather than going to a hair salon to get it trimmed and/or tampered. However, he only has so much knowledge of how to properly do it without having to obliterate his budget. Luckily, his girlfriend comes to his rescue.

Requested by Anon. Hi lovely! Thank you so much for the incredibly fluffy request! I’ve been very pumped to write it and now here it finally is - so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but I still hope you come across it and give it a read! Love, Vy ❤

“Um, what are you doing?“

I just walked into Corpse’s apartment to find him barricaded in the bathroom, giving himself a hair appointment. We were supposed to have a chill night in watching movies, but it seems to me like those plans will either have to be delayed or canceled, given the chaotic state both Corpse and his bathroom are in. I mean, how dumb was I to expect he was actually doing his hair justice when he told me he styled it himself? Why didn’t that immediately raise an army of red flags in my head and lead me to question his methods?

I’m honestly quite jealous of Corpse’s hair. It’s always so soft and silky and no matter how much or how little effort he’s put in it, it always looks good: either evidently carefully styled or boyishly messy, it leaves me with heart-eyes regardless. But to see him massacre it like this, it makes me wish I could report it as a crime.

“Ain’t obvious?“ He sounds rather frustrated and I feel at least slightly better due to this fact. He deserves to be as frustrated as I am by the sight of the crap he’s doing. “Sorry, you’re gonna have to wait for me for...a little while. I just need to get this under control and, um, clean the mess. Sorry for ruining your night like this, babe. I-I really wasn’t planning on it to take this long but I forgot to buy one of the products and I thought I could wing it without it but...I very clearly can’t so...“

“Please, stop talking. I don’t need to know what sins you’ve committed - if I do I’ll probably have to give you the silent treatment for like a week or so.“ I call out to him as I quickly skip over to the kitchen to leave the food I bought on my way over before returning to the bathroom and carefully taking a step inside, mindful of where there are hair strands on the tiles. Even severed, his hair is beautiful and I have a ton of respect for it - ok fine, I adore it. Corpse definitely doesn’t appreciate it properly. I walk over to the shower, reaching out to the two shelves inside which are lined with different types of hair products. “Oh fuck...“ I let out the whisper without even realizing it because I’m so stunned by the brands I see on those shelves. “Corpse, um, what the actual fuck?”

He turns to me, eyes wide and terrified because of my menacing tone. “What? What is it?” His gaze searches the spot where mine was just pointed at, looking for anything that could’ve provoked such a reaction from me. Seeing nothing but the hair products, he meets my deadly glare yet again, “What’s wrong?”

Alright, this man-child needs some serious help

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong.“ I say, stomping towards the exit of the bathroom, “You’re gonna stay here and wait for me to come back and don’t you DARE, even touch your hair, let alone bring a pair of scissors or any chemical near it. Copy?“

“Copied and pasted, ma’am.“ He salutes me, knowing better than to ask questions when I enter my commander role. There are quite a few things that set me off into this bossy-ass persona, and hair mistreatment is most definitely one of them. Thing is, Corpse doesn’t know that. Well, he didn’t know that, pretty sure he’s guessed it by now.

Feeling myself soften at his obedience and trust, I give him a smile and a wink over my shoulder as I go to grab my bag and leave the apartment to complete my mission, “Good boy.”

* * *

“Isn’t that a lot better?“ I ask, gently running my fingers through Corpse’s freshly cut, washed and dried hair. I’ve spent a good five minutes just smoothing through it with my fingers. I bet he’s expecting me to say ‘my precious‘ at any moment now, and trust me it’s tempting, but I still don’t, I won’t give him the pleasure of predicting my actions. Wow, we’ve really reached that level of being familiar with one another that I predict that he’s predicting what I’m gonna do next. While I’m a guessing game for him, I tend to think of myself as more of an open book. You just gotta be fluent in the language it’s written in to understand it.

I’ve gone off-topic, my bad.

“Yeah, you’re a lot less scary now.“ He tells me, his hand finding mine in his hair and taking it to his lips to place a kiss on my knuckles.

We’re positioned so that we’re in front of the bathroom mirror with Corpse seated in a chair in front of me and I’m for once in my life towering over him from behind. Our height difference was threatening to be a hinderance in my work on his hair, but we easily figured it out.

I can’t help but laugh, “You know what I meant.“ I curl one of his already curly strands around the pointer finger of the hand that’s still wandering around the soft dark curls while the other remains in his gentle hold, resting on his shoulder.

“And you know what I meant.“ He shifts in his seat to look at me directly, not via the mirror, “Since when do you have a hair infatuation?“

I roll my eyes and retract my hands, defensively folding my arms over my chest, “It’s not an infatuation with hair, dummy. It’s an infatuation with your hair.” I correct him, doing quick work of styling the stray strands that fall over his forehead and eyes. “I really like your hair, you already know that. I can’t handle the thought you’re doing such a shitty job taking care of it.”

He shrugs, furrowing his brows, “Hey, I was buying top-shelf products, cost me a fortune every month, my hair was being treated like royalty.”

I roll my eyes once again, “High price doesn’t always equal high quality, Corpse. Did you ever stop to read what was in those products?” I don’t let him answer, I don’t need him to confirm what I already know. “Even if you did - which you didn’t - you wouldn’t know what each of those ingredients do to your hair. You see, taking care of hair, especially hair like yours, takes patience and knowledge. It’s practically an art form. It’s not like you can just buy any product that has ‘suitable for curly hair’ on it. There’s a lot more to that.”

It’s only after I finish my monologue that I realize he’s looking at me with amazed amusement in his gaze, almost like a parent listening to their kid talk about their wish of becoming an astronaut. “Since when do you know so much about hair? You’ve been using the same shampoo and conditioner since I know you and now you wanna lecture me on hair care?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, exasperated by his stubbornness on the matter, “Who said being consistent with your hair products is a bad thing? You know, frequent changing of brands has the potential of being damaging as much as aiding.” I explain with the most amount of patience I can muster, now taking over the parent role myself, “And as for your previous question, I know so much because my mother is a hairdresser.”

His eyes widen in surprise. I can practically see the gears in his brain turning as he tries to recall if I’ve ever told him this before.

“How come I don’t know that?“ He asks finally after a long moment of silence. “Why haven’t you told me?”

“You ask that as though I just tell you things like that on the regular. Did you also want me to drop the info that my dad’s a mechanic in passing conversation about video games? Cause that’s a little hard to shoehorn in....“ He cuts off my sarcastic rambling with a brief peck to the lips. He’s the only person allowed to shut me up, and only like that. Anything else will earn him either an earful or a silent treatment.

Just kidding....unless...

“So, does that mean you’re continuing the family business?“ he asks when he pulls away, “I mean, you’re technically my personal hairdresser now.“

I furrow my brows playfully, “Wait, what? Since when?”

“Since I hired you approximately an hour ago.“ He beams up at me, satisfied that I’ve fallen in his trap.

“And what about my payment?“ I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

He looks to be contemplating for a second before he stands up from the chair, taking my hand in his leading me out of the bathroom, “Well, each appointment you’ll give me a different price, Miss Y/L/N. But, considering today was your first day, I choose to pay you with dinner.“ He sends a wink my way, laughing when he’s met with an unamused expression on my part as I stop in my tracks, causing him to halt his movements as well.

“You really plan on paying me with the dinner I bought?“ I raise an eyebrow at him, freeing my hand from his so I can put both my hands on my hips for the complete 'I’m far from impressed’ look.

“Yeah...? Problem?“ He asks, faking nervousness and guilt as he closes the distance between us, once again returning to the default of towering over me instead of it being the other way around.

“Several actually. First of all...“ I raise my finger in the air accusingly, ready to go off but the arm that wraps around my waist and lifts me off the ground causes my words to die down, evaporating in a frightened squeal, “Corpse no!! Put me down!“

Of course, he ignores me, carrying me into the living room while I don’t know whether to thrash or stay as still as possible.

Tsk, so much for gratitude

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itsallyscorner · 4 years ago

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Play Me A Song

Paring: Tom Holland x fem!reader

Summary: This is based off the video of Tom playing guitar that he posted on Instagram:) Tom facetimes you to help brighten up your day.

Warnings: none

A/n: Not me using fan fiction as a coping mechanism for my stress, yet ONCE AGAIN.

｡��:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧───── ･｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

“Hellooo, gorgeous girl!” Tom cooed as his face popped up onto your phone screen.

You let out a nasally giggle, the side of your face snuggling deeper into the pillow Tom would use when he was over at your house.

Tom tilts his head at the phone, a hint of a smile on his blush colored lips. The action caused his mop of chocolate brown curls to slightly bounce, catching your attention. You longed for the feeling of running your hands through his soft hair. You missed the way it felt between your fingers and how it would make Tom nuzzle closer to you.

“How was your day? You sounded a bit upset on the phone.” He checked in, voice soft and sweet, yet full of concern. His brows furrowed, causing a wrinkle to form between his brows.

You breath in, smelling the hints of him on your pillow. He was miles away, FaceTime allowed you to see and talk to him, though it wasn’t the same as him being beside you. If you were together right now, he would probably envelop you with his protective arms, pull you into his warm chest, and press kisses all over any bit of your exposed skin. His curls would tickle against your neck while he buried his head into the small space between your neck and shoulders—though you wouldn’t mind the tickle because it would remind you that he was there with you.

You sighed, “Today was a rough day. My professors have been piling work on us and I got called into work on my day off. I haven’t even gotten to start that research paper for class—I’m just so burnt out. I’m tired of trying, Tommy.”

Tom pouted, bringing the camera near his face to feel closer to you. He only felt the heat of his phone screen against his face, but he could still feel the light vibrations of your voice through the phone’s speakers. He placed the speaker of his phone slightly atop his chest, so he could feel the rhythm of your words against him. It reminded him of the days you two would cuddle after the both of you had long days at work. You would tell each other about your days and bask in the feeling of being in each other’s arms. He missed the feeling of being close to you.

“I know you have a lot of work to do, but you need to give yourself breaks, darling. And don’t tell me that you don’t need a break, you’re human (y/n), there’s only so much you can do in a day.” He began. Tom knew how you could get when college got overwhelming. Sometimes there were weeks where you would throw yourself into work, with no sleep, minimal food, and too many cups of coffee. He adored the diligence you had for your education, he wished he could’ve had that when he was still in school, but he wanted to make sure that you were taking care of yourself.

“Listen, you got this, I know you do. You’re the most intelligent and hard working woman I have ever met in my life. There’s nothing you can’t do, because I know, one way or another, you’re gonna find a way to do it. You always do. I just don’t want you to forget to take care of yourself. I know your education is important, but so are you.” He finished, a small smile forming on his lips. You hum in response, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of myself Tommy.”

What you say seems to reassure him, his shoulders visibly loosened up and the smile on his face grows a bit wider. Your own lips turn up on their own, reciprocating his smile.

“How about you, how was your day?” You ask him. Tom sits up and leans against his headboard.

“Well they’re still renovating the house, so Harry and I decided to rent out a place not too far from mum and dad’s. We actually had lunch with them, I got to see Tessa—gosh, I wish you were here right now. Tess was bouncing all over the place and giving everyone kisses, you would’ve loved it. And Paddy! He’s gotten so much taller since I’ve last seen him, and his voice keeps getting deeper, it’s actually embarrassing for me to be beside him because I’m older and I sound like I’m the one going through puberty.” He rambled, one of his hands making gestures and his face making expressions as he spoke. You loved the way he could just go on about a certain topic, especially when it came to his family. As sad as it was to see him leave for the UK, you were also happy because you knew he’d get to see his family.

He continued to talk about his day until his leg bumped into something, causing a hollow thump to emit from the object.

“What was that?” He leaned forward, the sound of his sheets rustling as he moved to grab the object filling your speakers.

“My guitar.” He grunted, holding the instrument up. “Remember, you got this for me for my birthday!” He proudly reminded you. You had gotten him the Ed Sheeran edition Martin Guitar after he had been going on and on about wanting to learn how to properly play the instrument. At the same time, he had a little obsession with Ed Sheeran and his music, so when you saw the guitar in the shop, you thought why not? You knew he would love it.

You fondly chuckled at him, “Yeah I do! You even promised to write me a song one day after you opened it.”

The last part of your sentence caught his attention, “I will write you a song one day, I’m very serious about that promise, love.” He pointed at you.

“Oh, are you?” You tease him.

“Yes, I am. In fact, ever since I’ve gotten back home, I’ve been practicing again and I’m doing much better.” He confidently told you.

“Can you play me a song?” You softly ask him.

“I can play you ‘Grow as we Go’ by Ben Platt. It’s the song I’ve been practicing.” He placed his phone against a pillow, using it as a stand. He placed the guitar in his lap, positioning his fingers on the frets and strings of the guitar.

“Yeah, play anything. I just wanna hear you play.” You mumble, your voice coming out in a muffle against Tom’s pillow.

“Just a warning, it’s probably not that good.” He mentions, shooting you a playful look.

“I don’t care.” You smile. He starts to softly strum the opening of the Ben Platt song and you couldn’t help but smile. He looked away from the camera, trying to focus on the notes and giving you a good look at the side of his face. The light shines part of his face, leaving the features you can see dark in the shadow, though it didn’t stop you from making out his gorgeous brown eyes. His long fingers move fluidly along the strings, creating a sweet melody on the guitar.

He stumbles a bit, making him whisper “Bollocks.” The little hiccup didn’t stop him from playing and so he continued to strum the guitar. You decided to stay quiet, letting him be in the zone. He messes up again, this time saying “bollocks” louder than the first time. You see him slightly shake his head as he regains his focus and places his fingers on the proper strings again.

You fondly watch him as he play, admiring the man you call your boyfriend. His fingers twitch on the string causing him to pause. He sucks his teeth, a bit of a frustrated grin on his face.

“Mmm.” He looks at you before turning away, “Okay.” He plays again, brows furrowed together in concentration as he tries to play the part of the song his keeps messing up on. You couldn’t contain the giggle that came out of you when he cringed at the sound the guitar made when he tried to play past the note. He pauses looking at the ceiling and tries to figure out the next notes.

“Alright, last time.”

“You’ve got it.” You encourage him. Your words give him some confidence and he shoots you a sweet smile. He readjusts the guitar in his lap, this time keeping his eyes on the strings as he plays. He strums the song again, starting off slow then slowly getting faster. Though his pacing was off by a bit, the song still sounded great nonetheless. You were thoroughly impressed.

He stops playing sitting back against the headboard, “I don’t know why I speed up though. I don’t know why I decide to do it so quickly.” He says into the camera.

You laugh, “It still sounds great though, I really enjoyed it.”

Tom tilts his head at you, teasingly squinting at the camera, “Even with the amount of times I kept stopping?”

“Yes, even with the amount of times you kept stopping.” You laugh, adjusting your phone. Tom puts the guitar aside and grabs his phone. He lays back on his bed, his head resting on his pillow and his curls sprawling out on the cushiony white surface. One of his hands rest behind his head as he stares at you.

“I’m gonna keep practicing. So the next time I see your beautiful face I can serenade you with a song and my guitar.” He muses, a lazy grin on his features.

“That sounds like something out of a chick flick.” You snort. He shoots you a playful glare, “Shut up, you love it.”

Tom knew you were a sucker for chick flick gestures. Kissing in the rain, watching the sunset, you name it.

You sigh, scrunching up your nose, “Yeah, I do.”

“But only from you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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mariaiscrafting · 4 years ago

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ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues. My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way. Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand. Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

#ive been writing this on and off since 830 am est SHEESH #dreamwastaken #dream critical #eh i think im relatively lenient of him here given my past posts ab him #but still just in case the blacklist tags for yalls convenience:#discourse #/neg #asks #long post #long posts #this a LONG one bois #morango

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itsybitsylemonsqueezy · 4 years ago

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Hi! I happened to stumble across your analyses on both Majima and Saejima and boy am I blown away by them! You captured their personalities so well it’s awespiring. Is there a chance you’ll write a post about Kiryu as well? It’s just that originally I’ve had a hard time liking him as a character because of the numerous mistakes he has made across the series (and the fact that others don’t really address them for some reason). Despite that I’m a huge fan of kazumaji and that’s why I feel conflicted sometimes. Anyway, I would really like to hear your thoughts about it!

Awww, you’re very kind ^^; Thanks for asking for more c: So, the reason why I haven’t yet made a post about Kiryu is NOT due to my lack of feelings about him, it’s quite the opposite. I have essays worth of feelings about Kiryu and just... have not found the time to really give those feelings credit ^^; But, since you ask and you’re having a hard time with his character, let me at least start.

As a preamble, let me first say that there’s a difference between a character making a mistake and the writing making a mistake. This is not to say Kiryu never makes mistakes, far from it. I have a lot of feelings about Kiryu’s mistakes, they’re one of the reasons I love him, but a lot of the more egregious fuck ups are the writers making weak or poorly thought out choices. For example, like you point out, Kiryu makes mistakes and no one ever calls him out for it... that’s a writing flaw, not a problem with Kiryu.

(Please note that to give my best reading of Kiryu, I’m going to reference as many games as I have seen, which is through game 6. If you do not wish to be spoiled through at least game 5 (I never reference game 6 if I can help it), do not read further.)

Continuing with that example... I cannot tell you how simultaneously OVERJOYED and FURIOUS I am about game 3 when Mine, MINE YOSHITAKA, a character who was introduced that game and then never appears again, is the only person who criticizes Kiryu’s decisions when he has DEMONSTRABLY made bad ones! Like, Mine’s criticisms are ENTIRELY valid, but because they come out of his mouth it’s hard to say if the audience is meant to sympathize or not. Especially since Mine is sort of the antagonist of that game and he’s not really pitched as a sympathetic character. You have to really be willing to be critical of Kiryu to hear what Mine’s saying there and agree with him. The way the scene is played, you’re sort of supposed to still identify with Kiryu and insist that he’s never done anything wrong ever, even though he’s put all of his friends in a vulnerable position and IS arguably to blame for the state Daigo’s in now, as Mine points out.

And the writing is on some level aware that it is Kiryu’s fault or they wouldn’t have brought it up. They wouldn’t have had Mine say that if they didn’t see that problem. But the problem is they’re afraid of letting Kiryu be flawed. They’re afraid that if Kiryu’s wrong, even once, he won’t be The Good Guy anymore and the audience won’t like him anymore. This is weak and cowardly writing. Characters aren’t compelling because they’re never wrong, characters are compelling from what they do when they’re wrong. Any character who’s never wrong is unrealistic and, ultimately, boring. We all fuck up, we’re all only human. You ultimately will not identify with an infallible god because they would make choices you wouldn’t. I’m sure we can all think of characters who were pitched to us as infallible that, sooner or later, we ended up hating because of this very trait. So trying to pitch Kiryu as infallible is a ginormous mistake. But an understandable one, especially in a franchise that depends on the likability of its main character. But this means that they don’t trust their own writing, they don’t trust Kiryu’s inherent appeal and they fuck up the story around refusing to take risks. It’s one of the most heartbreaking writing decisions for me that those words come out of Mine’s mouth and not one of Kiryu’s friends.

Because it’s Kiryu’s friends who deserve to get to say that. It’s Kiryu’s friends, the people who are directly affected by his actions and the people who CARE about Kiryu, who have the right to criticize him. Not some fucking young blood with a chip on his shoulder. Having Mine say it makes the criticism look biased an illegitimate when it isn’t. I understand the writing impulse to not let us criticize Kiryu, but think how much more compelling it would be to show that Kiryu’s relationships are strong enough to handle criticism. That the trust and love is there for a friend to come to Kiryu with this and to force Kiryu to confront himself and listen rather than ignore the problems and insist that he’s never done anything wrong. But to make that call, to let us doubt Kiryu, you, as the writer, have to trust your story, you have to trust your character, and, worst of all, you have to trust your audience. Many many writers of popular media do not trust their audiences. They don’t trust that if they let you doubt, you’ll come with them and see where the story leads. They’re afraid you’ll lose interest and turn away. Many writers feel that they cannot take the risk of trusting their writing for fear of losing their base and therefore their income.

And, again, part of the issue is the aims of the story. At the end of the day, RGG is here to produce a fighting video game, that’s it. Wrapping that up in a compelling story makes it more sellable, but their primary focus isn’t the story itself. It’s getting you to buy a fighting video game. If the mechanics aren’t up to par, if they fights aren’t cool and interesting, the rest doesn’t matter. RGG came up with a story to link the games together and invested in making an interesting protag, but it was to sell the games. If the point of this story was the story, I think we’d be seeing different writing decisions and maybe some of these flaws could have been avoided. And I don’t actually mean to point this out as a criticism and say why aren’t they creating art for art’s sake? I mean it really as a grain of salt that I personally use to try not to hold the writing here up to the standard that I would a novel or something. That may not be useful perspective for anyone else, but it’s a thing I like to keep in mind.

So, part of what we see in Kiryu is that the writing fucking sucks. And it’s fair not to want to redeem Kiryu’s character or dig deeper into him when the writing hasn’t provided you with much. So no one feel bad if you’re not persuaded by my assessment, I’m not here to shame or convince anyone, I’m just offering my two cents.

And now alllll of that said... Let’s talk about my boy, Kiryu Kazuma.

I said earlier that characters are compelling based on how they react to mistakes, how they deal with them. Let me tell you, Kiryu is aware that he’s made mistakes. And he has regrets.

What I find compelling about Kiryu is that he tries so fucking hard to do the right thing, all the fucking time. What I find compelling about Kiryu is that he wants so much to make people happy, to make people proud of him. He is scared all the time of doing wrong by people and making himself untrustworthy, making himself scary. He has lost so much, he has lost everything and he still gets up every goddamn day and tries.

Does he fuck up? YES. ABSOLUTELY. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. But he gets up. Every. Fucking. Day. And tries. And you can’t buy that. You can’t ask for that. That’s just who he is, a guy who tries.

I don’t... have time to explain the depths of my love for Kiryu, but let’s take my favorite Kiryu, what I think the best characterization of Kiryu is in the entire fucking series: game 5. Game 5 Kiryu is my favorite fucking Kiryu, including 1, including Zero, bar fucking none. I fucking love game 5 Kiryu.

And Game 5 begins with a colossal mistake.

Before the game starts, Kiryu is convinced, either earnestly or nefariously, to leave his little family and specifically abandon AHEM release his daughter Haruka to someone else. This is the stupidest fucking thing Kiryu’s done since giving up the chairmanship. But he does it because he is told that he is a greater threat to his family WITH them than abandoning them. I want you to think about that. Kiryu loves his family so much he would sooner leave them than do them harm. I need to remind you that Kiryu has already destroyed and rebuilt his own life once already. He has repeatedly given up everything for his dream of having a family and for all his beautiful kids more than once. And he just loves his little Okinawa home so much, he can’t stand the idea that he would bring it harm, so he fucks off. This is categorically the wrong decision and any other reasonable adult would know this. I’m sure you yourself understand intuitively why a parent, no matter how dubious, can’t just leave a brood of underage children to fend for themselves in the world.

But here’s the thing: Kiryu’s made a number of dumbass decisions that have led him to this point in his life. He doesn’t have any adult, peer friends to counsel him about this. He’s deliberately estranged himself from Majima, from Date, from all the people who could have helped him out here and told him not to. And deep down Kiryu’s always been worried that he was unworthy of this. He’s always been afraid that he didn’t really deserve to be happy, deserve his little family of innocents. And the plot SURE AS FUCK has confirmed that for him, repeatedly putting the kids in danger and reminding him that you can never actually leave the yakuza. Kiryu knows he’s fucked up. He knows adopting his family was a mistake, but it was too late, what was he gonna do now? But here comes this little insidious voice confirming his worst fears, telling him he needs to go, and Kiryu listens. He has no one else to listen to and he’s been so beaten down by the plot by this point, he’s lost so fucking much now, that he doesn’t have the strength to believe in himself anymore. So he goes. Believing that he is doing the right thing.

And then, as it always does, the plot comes for him, telling Kiryu he needs to come help, telling Kiryu only he can fix it. And Kiryu, for the first time in his life, puts his foot down. He’s so fucking tired, he won’t fucking do it, not one more time. Because every time he gets his ass up to help, what happens? Someone else dies. Someone else dies and it’s Kiryu’s fault all over again, and it’s Nishiki all over again, and Kiryu can barely fucking live with himself for all the guilt that he feels. He starts to help and he just loses. Every fucking time. So this time, no, this time he won’t do it. He can’t do it anymore. He just wants... everyone to be okay. And he’s so sure that everyone would be better off without him.

If that’s a huge screaming red flag for anyone else IT SHOULD BE. Kiryu is in a depression spiral. He’s suicidal. He’s cut himself off from all his meaningful relationships, he’s not participating in his favorite hobbies, he’s alone and isolated in a new city where he doesn’t know anyone. He’s Not Doing Good. Game 5 is about finally, FINALLY confronting Kiryu’s demons, all the pent up unresolved guilt and turmoil that we never fucking addressed for 5 games running. (And if you’re hearing Bitter Resentment in the way the games have handled Kiryu’s emotional reactions OH BOY YOU BETCHA but that’s for another post.)

So Kiryu finally says no. He won’t fucking do it. But the plot comes for the fucking carotid. It’s Majima. It’s Majima. The only person Kiryu really, truly trusts. The person Kiryu was relying on to still be there, to be strong, to do the things Kiryu couldn’t. It’s Majima this time. And Kiryu loses his goddamn mind. That was the one thing you had left to take from him, his belief in Majima, and you took it. Kiryu nearly has a psychotic break at the news and decides, fine. Fine. I’ll go fix this, and then I can die. Then it’s over. Because there ain’t nothing left for him now.

And he does. Kiryu gets his ass down there, he solves the fucking problem, and then he does his level best to die there. Because it’s what he feels he deserves. He’s let down everyone. All those losses, all those people... they’re his fault. If he was really the hero, he could have saved them. If he was really a good person, these tragedies wouldn’t keep happening. It must be his fault. Fuck, even Majima died, even Majima... and he wasn’t even there, he couldn’t even have helped him, he just... He abandoned him. And Kiryu feels intensely that guilt and grief for his mistakes and his missed opportunities. And all he can think to do with that feeling... is die. It’s what Nishiki did before him. It’s what Kazama did before that. That’s what you do when you’ve fucked up and you don’t know how to fix it. You die. Then no one has to deal with you anymore.

But Haruka. His daughter. The best thing he ever did. She’s up there on stage and she loves him. She still loves him and wants him to be her dad. She’s been with him the whole time, she knows all about it. And she’s not scared. And she doesn’t think he’s bad. Maybe... maybe he can stay alive then. Maybe it’s okay if Haruka is still his daughter. And against all belief, he finds his way back to Haruka. He stays alive for her. He won’t repeat the mistakes of the past. And maybe... he can learn to do something different this time.

Kiryu... makes mistakes all the time. But he knows. And he feels so guilty. The writing doesn’t always do a great job of showing it. We don’t process Nishiki the way we should. We kill Rikiya for no reason. We forget that game 3 should have been TRIGGERING AS SHIT. And we awkwardly no homo out of Kiryu’s most important relationship while still insisting that it is Kiryu’s most important relationship. The writing is spotty and flawed and sometimes you can barely piece together a coherent narrative out of it.

But at its white burning core is a guy who just keeps trying. Who gets up the next day and tries again. Because he’s lost so much. Because he loves so much. Because he believes there is value in being nice to people and being a good person. And I love that.

#Kiryu Kazuma #Yakuza #I have a lot of feelings about Kiryu Kazuma #have some #major spoilers for game 5 #floweysky

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solllaris · 5 years ago

Text

retrograde — 01

↳ here.

PAIRING: Frat!Tom / Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: It takes some convincing, but you ultimately agree to go to a frat party and are pushed out of your comfort zone in more than one way.

WARNINGS: language, underage drinking, anxiety/panic attacks, & insecure thoughts

WORDS: 5874

NOTE: This series is my baby so please be nice. The reader’s fears and anxieties are basically a reflection of my own, so posting this makes me feel super vulnerable. There were many moments I seriously considered deleting everything I had made for this series because I was too afraid to put myself out there like this, but obviously I didn’t. I really want the reader’s story to help someone or make them feel like they’re not alone because anxiety can make you feel so isolated at times. So to the person reading this right now, to the person with anxiety or depression or whatever: You are not alone. You will never be alone. And I hope this story shows you that somehow.

series masterlist — masterlist — add yourself to my taglist!

Tortoise shell glasses the color of honey inched their way down the bridge of your nose again and you would’ve been greatly annoyed if your glazed-over eyes weren’t focused on the large plastic cup of coffee on the table. Fingers still tensed and poised over the laptops keyboard, your attention had shifted for the millionth time to the dark browns streaking through the blonde colored liquid at the bottom and your fried out brain was mesmerized by it. Anything was more intriguing than the open, half-way completed book review on your computer screen where the blinking cursor taunted you from the corner of your eye. At your wits end, you turned away completely with a groan that you stifled with a hopefully motivating gulp of your iced cold brew swirled with caramel.

Shoving the frames further up your nose where they belonged, you nursed the straw of your coffee between your tongue and teeth and glanced briefly about the room. The Learning Commons was fairly full for ten in the morning, but you weren’t too surprised; it was the go-to place to go — not only to get coursework done, but also to just unwind and mess around. That Friday morning hadn’t been any different from the rest and bleary-eyed college students milled about, drinking their caffeine from the God-sent Starbucks in the building and chatting to their friends through sleepy slurs. For a person who really enjoyed people-watching, the Learning Commons was the prime place for you to spend most of your time. You blended in and fell into the shadows just as you liked.

Blinking twice, you realized you had zoned out again. Your vision focused and you saw you had been staring blankly across the room at a boy drooling all over his open textbook. His slackened grip around his mechanical pencil kept allowing it to fall over in his hand, rousing him each time for only a few seconds and then he was out cold again. The sight made you laugh under your breath and you impulsively tipped your head back onto your roommate’s thigh from where she was sprawled out on the couch behind you. Just as you wanted, Scout’s fingers that had been raking through your hair stilled to let you know you had her attention.

“Look,” You said loud enough for her to hear over the raucous youths around you and discreetly pointed across the way at the sleepy boy. “That’s about to be me if I don’t get this paper done soon, I swear to everything Holy.”

A snort exploded through her nostrils and your head jostled with the movements of her leg kicking the guy whose lap they rested in.

“Jude.”

Another harsh nudge to his thigh and the frustrated boy mashed a button on his video game controller, a ‘paused’ message appearing on the flat screen TV. A harsh, pointed look urged her to continue so he could get back to his game.

“That guy over there looks just like you.”

When you glanced back over, the drooling guy had completely given up on at least attempting to remain upright to look like he was getting work done. His cheek was smashed against the pages of his book, pushing his lips out in a pucker face, and his wrecked hair stuck up at odd angles on his forehead. An unbridled bubble of laughter threatened to come up your throat and you had managed to contain it — until a little string of drool puddled on the paper his cheek rested upon. Both you and Scout shook with the force of your giggles and you briefly found yourself thinking that it probably wasn’t that funny, but to a sleep-deprived university student it was comedic gold.

Jude must’ve shoved Scout’s legs off his lap if the loud ‘thud!’ of her feet hitting the floor beside you were any indication. They came dangerously close to knocking over your cup of caffeine — the only thing getting you through the early hours of the morning — and you were quick to snatch it up, cradling it to your chest like a protective mother. Your look of disgust towards your two friends was completely ignored, overlooked by Scout’s cry of protest and Jude’s annoyed, but slightly amused, glare at the girl.

“That’s what you made me pause my game for?” He huffed, tugging his fingers through his dark tufts of hair.

She shrugged, a shit-eating grin on her face as she plopped her warm toned legs back onto his lap. “Y/n said it first, not me.”

You were mid-sip, a mouthful of bitter coffee coating your tongue when you squealed a close-mouthed noise of protest, widened eyes flickering between your friends.

“I did not!” You cried once you’d successfully swallowed without choking. “I said that would be me if I didn’t finish my paper soon.”

“Lies,” Scout muttered.

Twisting your body to face her, the back of your hand smacked against her bare outer thigh, a loud and satisfying ‘smack!’ emitting from the harsh flesh on flesh contact. Your puppy dog eyes turned to Jude, bottom lip jutting out just slightly and he laughed, the action making his irises twinkle and scrunch closed.

“I’d never say that about you, J,” You said cutely.

He bumped his knee against your right shoulder lightly, jostling you to the side, and rolled his eyes but the tiny upwards lift to the corners of his mouth told you he was far from annoyed.

“Alright, alright, I believe you.” He groaned, quickly flicking his gaze back to the TV and unpausing his game. “Fuck you and your puppy eyes.”

Grinning triumphantly, you sipped your coffee happily and flopped back against the front of the couch. The sleeping computer screen on the coffee table immediately put a pin in your bubble of contentment, an instant frown replacing the bright smile on your lips. You set aside your half empty cup with a heavy sigh and swiped a finger along the smooth track-pad, waking it from its automatic sleep to tuck back into the four page book review for your U.S. History class. The cursor blinked approximately five or six times before you began to type, but you had barely written three words when the glass doors of the Learning Commons burst open and a group of rowdy boys piled through the entrance.

Well, you thought. Maybe just one more day of procrastinating won’t hurt.

A muffled groan sounded from Scout. “Great. Your frat brothers decided to grace us with their presence, J.”

Your fingers went slack over the lit up keys and you slouched defeatedly; at the rate you were going, the outcome of your paper was beginning to look more and more dim, but the fraternity boys couldn’t care less that some people were actually attempting to get their assignments done by their due dates. They joked and jostled each other and you kind of hoped they could feel the blazing burn of your laser-beam glare you shot their way, but their oblivious grins stuck a pin in your wishes. You watched them for a moment longer as they split off, some falling into the snack bar or coffee line while others drifted towards a vacant table or couch; you took that as your cue to pack up your things and traipse across campus to the library. (Why did you pick somewhere so loud to write a whole ass paper anyway?)

Scout managed to tear her attention from her phone long enough to notice you zipping up your bag and beginning to stand.

She quirked a perfectly shaped brow and asked, “Where are you going? It’s only 10:30; our Psych class isn’t until 12.”

“Thanks for the reminder. I wasn’t aware that the class I’ve been going to every Friday for a month now doesn’t start until 12,” You bit back with the most deadpan tone you could muster.

Jude snorted without taking his eyes off the TV, his fingers never ceasing their rapid movements between buttons on the game controller. Scout responded with a swift kick to said controller (which earned her a string of expletives as he fumbled to retrieve it off the floor) and waggled a chipped nail-polished finger at you.

“First of all, the ‘tude is not appreciated and second, both of your friends are sitting right here so my question is very valid.”

“Okay, rude.” You pouted sulkily as you gathered your hair to tie it up into a bun with the velvety pink scrunchie on your wrist. “And if you must know, I’m going to the library because it’s way too loud in here to write a paper.”

“Ugh.” Scout groaned and threw her legs off the side of the couch, rolling off onto the floor in the most ungraceful maneuver you’d ever witnessed in your life. “I guess I’ll go with you. I still haven’t finished that Biology worksheet due today.”

“Really?” You inquired absentmindedly as you fiddled with your messy bun in the reflection on your darkened phone screen. (She was taking forever and you needed something to do so you didn’t look like a complete moron.) “I finished it like the day she handed it out last week.”

You didn’t even have to look over at the caramel-skinned girl to know that she had rolled her eyes hard enough to get stuck inside her head. “Literally no one asked,” She retorted.

“Mmm, and to think I was actually going to give you all the answers..”

Just as you watched her expression morph into a sickly sweet one, a shrill whistle cut through every conversation in the room. The loud chattering of college students died down to muted whispers until the only distinguishable sounds were the whirring of the old air conditioning unit in the building and the clambering of shoes against wood; once you turned away from Scout you saw that the latter had come from a blonde boy in basketball shorts standing on a table in the center of the room. Kappa Sigma was emblazoned proudly across the chest of the scarlet colored hoodie he wore and you fought the urge to roll your eyes because of course he was in a fraternity.

The blonde frat boy’s voice faintly resonated in your ears, but you turned away from his dramatic display anyway to latch onto the sleeve of Scout’s over-sized Harvard University t-shirt. You insistently tugged on the crimson colored material because you really just wanted to get a head-start on your paper. Instead of relenting and following you, she simply shrugged you off and it was then that you got distracted with one look at a stupidly attractive guy in a stupidly, tight t-shirt.

If you had ever seen someone who was truly poured into a shirt it was this guy. The gray material was stretched taut across his pectorals and abdomen, dipping and curling into each chiseled line on his body. The stitching around the short sleeves looked two seconds away from ripping open as his biceps bulged from the way he stood with his arms crossed over his chest. You didn’t think the view could get any better until your eyes slid further up to a jawline that could probably cut straight through glass and to top it off, a head full of effortless curls—your ultimate weakness. You were pretty sure you were gaping open-mouthed at him at that point, but it wasn’t everyday that you saw a real life fucking angel on campus.

So yes, you gaped at him. Proudly.

Until you were caught...which you were seconds later.

Your heart dipped dangerously low in your chest and for a moment it felt like the warm blood in your veins had turned to ice. That feeling of sudden panic from such a cute guy looking at you prompted you to swiftly turn away; the cold you had felt literal seconds prior shifted to an uncomfortable warmth as the shock of being caught staring shifted to embarrassment. Your brain raced almost as quickly as your heart and you tried to pretend to focus on the blonde guy standing on a table to calm down, but then you made the dumb decision to sneak another peek.

Big, big mistake on your part.

Insanely hot frat guy was still looking at you. Not only was he still staring, but the beginnings of a smirk were forming on his pink lips and maybe he was not-so-subtly flexing his biceps. Seeing the corded muscles ripple and bulge under his tan skin truly was entrancing and if Scout hadn’t grabbed you by the material of your sweatshirt you would’ve stood and stared for a little bit longer.

Fingers snapped in front of your face and you blinked once, twice, three times before she really came into focus. She shot you a funny look and asked, “Seriously, what were you staring at?” She followed your gaze when your eyes instinctively shot back towards the insanely hot frat guy—who had thankfully looked away. “What is wrong with y—ohhh.”

A shit-eating grin stretched across her face and you immediately groaned. “Don’t start, okay?” You grumbled and finally managed to pull her towards the glass double doors. “He’s stupid hot and I was respectfully looking.”

Scout snorted from behind you as you held the door for her, both of you stepping outside and beginning the trek across campus to the library.

“You were point two seconds away from drooling,” She teased, bumping your arm with her elbow.

You felt the heat tickling at your cheeks and ears again, so you quickly changed the subject.

“Anyway,” You said pointedly, shooting her a look that could kill. “What was that whole ‘getting on the table’ display about?”

“Right. I forgot you were a little... preoccupied.” She smirked and dodged your incoming fist, giggling like a maniac. “Okay, okay! There’s a party at the Kappa Sigma house tonight.”

Scrunching your nose up at the mention of a party, you tossed your empty cup of iced coffee in a trash bin as you passed.

“Well, I have a hot date with Doctor McDreamy and I can’t miss it. You know how much I love me some Derek Shepherd.”

Just as you reached for the door handle to the library, she smacked your hand away with a serious expression.

“C’mon!” She whined, her bottom lip jutting out like a child. “You’ve never been to a party with me. It’ll be fun!”

“My definition of ‘fun’ is very different from yours, Scout.”

A sly smile turned her full lips upwards again. “Tom will be there…”

Your brows furrowed as you wracked your brain to put a name to a face. Tom. Did you know a Tom?

“Um. Am I supposed to know who that is?” You asked cluelessly.

Scout groaned. “Tom Holland. The guy you were ogling in the LC,” She explained with a ‘duh’ tone in her voice.

Absentmindedly you fiddled with the strap of your shoulder bag. You were already growing tired of the conversation and wished she’d just drop it; if anyone knew your anxiety situation, it was her and you thought she’d learned by now that you would never set foot in a party. Attending a frat party of all things was sure to bring on a panic attack and you’d rather not hyperventilate in front of a bunch of testosterone-filled college guys. No way in hell.

Exhaling an exasperated sigh, you shifted on your feet tiredly and let your head fall back towards the sky.

“Is that supposed to convince me?” You shifted around your friend and managed to snag the door open before she could stop you. “Because it’s not working.”

Save for a girl lightly snoring on one of the couches and a guy wearing glasses slaving over his keyboard, the library was practically barren. You immediately felt comforted as you traipsed along the outskirts of the large room, like a warm hug after coming home from a long day; except it was barely after eleven in the morning and you were ashamed to admit that you already needed comforting. Whilst another large exhale huffed past your lips at the thought, you dropped your bag down on the worn cushions of a couch pushed under a window and plopped yourself next to it rather ungracefully.

A rather loud thump resounded through the room as Scout carelessly deposited her own things on the floor by a comfortable looking arm chair; she simply shrugged at your warning glance, mumbling “those two are dead to the world anyway” under her breath and turned to pull a black binder from her backpack.

Soon, the silence between you two was filled with the clicking of your fingers across the keys on your laptop and the scratching of her mechanical pencil on paper. It was nice—relaxing even—and you sunk further into the soft couch that hugged your body, your mind only filled with the words you needed to get down to finish your stupid book review.

What kind of history class has to write a book review anyway? This wasn’t English.

You should’ve known it wouldn’t last.

A small wad of balled up notebook paper hit your left cheek, bouncing off and into the crack between the cushions. Before you could retort, she was already whispering vehemently.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the party.” She stabbed her pencil in your direction as she spoke. “You’re going. Plus, I’ll be with you the whole night. Promise.”

Arguing with Scout was like arguing with a brick wall—pointless and you’d never win and you honestly just wanted her to shut up at this point; so even though the idea of standing in the Kappa Sigma frat house while the plaster walls vibrated and bodies jostled around you almost made you want to throw up, you reluctantly agreed to go with her. You tried to convince yourself it wouldn’t be so bad, that your best friend would be at your side the entire night, but you still couldn’t shake the butterflies in your belly the entire day.

Just as you’d expected, you were pretty sure you were this close to blowing chunks in Kappa Sigma’s bushes.

The lawn was crawling with college students bearing drinks and you were thrown into the middle of them, one hand clasped in Scout’s as she led you up to the porch and the other anxiously fiddling with the hem of your gingham printed shorts. You were hyper aware of everything happening around you: knocking shoulders with a short, blonde girl, the loud shouts over a game of flip cup, the bass of the song playing in your chest, and a putrid, skunk-like smell that caught in your lungs no matter what you did. Already you wanted to leave, but one look at your best friend’s excited face had you willing yourself to suck it up and try to have fun.

Clutching onto Scout’s hand like it was your only lifeline, she guided you through the foyer and an expansive dining room before reaching the kitchen and the pressure in your chest lifted enough to calm your racing heart; it was significantly less crowded, only inhabited by a small group of girls and a guy with his head stuck in the refrigerator. You watched as Scout paid none of them any mind and instead helped herself to two red solo cups, pointing the nozzle to the keg in one and letting it fill with the sepia toned beer before doing the same with the other cup.

You had just opened your mouth to protest, but the look she shot you had the words dying in your throat.

“Just trust me, alright?” She said and you let her shove the full cup into your hand. “It’ll help with your nerves.”

For a brief second your gaze flickered to the group of three girls seated at the kitchen island, all huddled together and speaking in low tones. It made your skin prickle and heat up and you wondered if they were talking about you—how out of place you seemed.

The white brim of your cup slotted between your glossed-up lips and you took a hefty swig. You immediately scrunched your face up in disgust at the bitter, watery taste of the ale but you were willing to down it if it drowned out your impending anxiety for the night.

“Ugh.” You cringed and peered at the frothy beer in distaste. “How do you drink this shit?”

Scout just grinned and raised her beer in the air.

“Cheers bitch,” She hummed and downed a gulp big enough to puff out her cheeks with the liquid. “Now drink up.”

So, you did cautiously while she retrieved her phone from her back pocket; you distantly heard her say the words “text” and “Jude” but you were more focused on the guy leaning against the counter a few steps away. It was the same guy who’d been rummaging in the fridge when you came in and it appeared he’d found what he wanted: a bottle of Michelob Ultra that he held by the neck. His other hand was occupied by his phone, his head tilted downwards as he scrolled with his thumb, but then he tipped it back to sip his drink and your heart plummeted.

You wasted no time grabbing Scout by her bicep to get her attention.

“Don’t look now but super hot frat guy, Tom, is literally right there,” You whispered frantically through gritted teeth and tugged her towards the exit.

Of course, she resisted. The “don’t look now” part of your sentence slipped in one ear and out the other because she turned back to glance at him with the subtlety of a hand grenade. Her small squeal had you yanking her back around, your stomach rolling with enough nerves to make you vomit for real this time.

“I literally just said—”

Just after the words left your mouth, Jude sauntered into the kitchen, loudly exclaiming: “Tom, man, how long does it take to get a drink?” Then, his six-foot-three hulking physique lumbered towards you and Scout—which effectively made Tom’s dark brown irises lock onto you. “And why have you guys not answered my texts? We’re about to start another round of flip cup.”

Recognition flashed in his eyes and you wished you were dead. You knew you should’ve stayed in the safety of your dorm with Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd. Why didn’t you?

Maybe it was because you were the biggest pushover on campus?

Yeah, that had to be it.

“Sorry, mate.” Tom didn’t glance away from you as he spoke. You noticed a smirk playing at his thin lips before it was covered by the open top of his beer bottle when he took a drag. “I guess I got a little... distracted.”

His little jab at you didn’t go unnoticed.

Yep, he definitely recognized you from earlier in the day when you practically undressed him.

Deep down you knew he was just messing with you, but you couldn’t help feeling humiliated—like you were the center of a joke and not the kind of joke where he was laughing with you; suddenly overcome with a need to escape, you ignored his remark and turned to Scout and Jude instead.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go to the bathroom or step outside really quick.”

You barely heard her concerned voice asking if you wanted her to come with you before you were high-tailing it out of the room and up the dark wooden stairs in the foyer. You took them two at a time and in your haste to ascend them, the smelly beer in your still-full-to-the-brim cup sloshed over the rim and saturated the front of your black shirt and flowy shorts. Your face contorted in discomfort at the feeling of your wet clothes sticking to your skin as you slowed down, reaching the top floor at a more careful pace. The paranoid feeling that everyone was watching you make a fool of yourself began to set in and just as your breathing started to escalate, you ducked into the first bedroom you saw and quickly shut it with a click.

Absentmindedly, you sat your now half empty beer cup on the dresser by the door and slumped back against the wood. The cold doorknob pressed into the bottom of your spine but you didn’t care because all you could think about was the soaked fabric clinging to your front, Tom’s subtle mocking comment, and the feeling you’d felt coming up the steps.

In the back of your mind you knew how dramatic and blown out of proportion you were acting; your anxiety, however, didn’t get the memo. So there you were, panting and quivering in some random frat guy’s room with tears pooling at your lash line. You were beginning to feel nauseous lurches in your stomach and all you wanted was to go home.

You’d never wanted to be here in the first place.

An uncomfortable warmth bloomed in your chest around your heart—a feeling you were all too familiar with. If you had to guess, you assumed it was the way a heart attack might feel. You were panicking for absolutely no reason at all and all that you knew was that you needed to get out of here.

With shaky hands, you pulled your phone out of your bra and wiped away the sticky residue from the beer before composing a new text to Scout.

Sent at 11:33 PM: i feel sick. i think i’m gonna head back to our dorm

Then, feeling inexplicably guilty for not even trying, you typed again as your tears left splotches on your screen.

Sent at 11:33 PM: i’m really sorry

The click of your phone locking sounded like a blaring horn to your over-sensitized body and you slumped tiredly into a desk chair, shoving your phone somewhere on the desk carelessly. You were still shaking and you didn’t know if you were cold or hot and bile had started to burn your throat and in your hazy mind you swore you heard the doorknob turning but who knows?

“Uh, what the fuck are you doing in my room?”

If you thought you were going to throw up before then you definitely were now.

You grabbed the trash bin beside the desk and hung your head over it, the contents of the day emptying from your anxious stomach.

“Christ,” The guy grumbled in annoyance. Didn’t you know that voice from somewhere? “Of course. A drunk girl chooses my room to throw up in out of all the fuckin’ other rooms in this house.”

Shame crept up your neck and made you feel even hotter than you already were. You felt like such a mess—you reeked of alcohol, your hair was damp from a cold-sweat, and a stranger had just witnessed you puking your guts out. Great.

You couldn’t speak. All you could do was take shaky, staggered breaths and sniffle through your tears but you did manage to see who the mean guy in the room with you was. Just as your luck would have it, the guy whose bedroom you’d taken hostage in was none other than Tom Holland.

Your stomach twisted and again you ducked your head back in the bin to puke some more.

“Look. I’m sorry you feel like shit and drank too much but you’ve gotta get outta here.” You felt his large, strong hand curl around your bare bicep to tug you up out of his chair. “C’mon. Time to go.”

It was at that moment Tom finally noticed three things: that you were the girl from earlier in the LC, then again in the frat’s kitchen, that you were shaking like a leaf against him, and that you were struggling to breathe normally. It was clear to him you weren’t throwing up because you were drunk; you were throwing up because you were having a full-blown panic attack.

In his bedroom.

And he’d been nothing but a dick to you so far.

“Woah, hey, hey,” He murmured softly, his voice taking on a much gentler tone. Delicately, he brushed the sweaty hair from your warm cheeks and allowed one of his palms to meet the small of your back. “It’s okay. You’re alright, darlin’.”

You focused all your attention on the quiet hum of his voice in your right ear and the silver cross necklace rising and falling on his chest with each breath. You tried to sync your breaths with his even, steady ones and although it took awhile, you managed to calm yourself down to a non-hysterical state.

Tom’s fingers, however, never faltered in their dance along your spine. “Good girl,” He hummed soothingly.

Tingles tickled at each of your vertebrae.

Good girl. Was he trying to kill you?

Clearing your throat, you set the trash bin beside the desk where it lived and stood up to move closer to the door and away from Tom. You were pretty sure you’d embarrassed yourself in front of a hot guy enough for one day and didn’t want to do anything rash...like jump his bones for calling you a good girl.

You felt yourself getting hot again.

“I’m sorry.” You fiddled with the damp hem of your shirt, unable to meet his gaze. “I just...needed some air and then I spilt beer all over myself and—yeah.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” He shrugged like a girl having a panic attack in his room was normal, then gestured to your ruined outfit. “I’ve got some stuff you can borrow if you want.”

“Oh! No, it’s okay, really—”

“C’mon. That can’t be comfortable,” He said with a raised brow. He was already rummaging through his dresser drawers before you could protest anymore. “Let me help you out, alright? I’ve already been the biggest dick to you tonight.”

You couldn’t argue with that, so you took the clean clothes from his outstretched hand and sent him an awkward smile.

“Thanks. I’ll, um, get these back to you. Sometime.”

He grinned at how awkward and fumbly you were. It was cute. He liked that he was the cause of it.

“Sounds like a pretty good plan to me,” He agreed cheekily, unable to hide the smile on his lips. “Gives me an excuse to see you again, huh, darlin’?”

Oh.

This boy was definitely trying to make you explode and you were two seconds away from doing so, sweat pooling even quicker in areas you didn’t even want to fathom.

Thankfully, before you had the chance to embarrass yourself any further, Tom turned his back on you, chuckling lowly under his breath and urged you to get changed.

As you toed out of your high-tops and peeled your sticky, black shirt from your torso, your attention wavered just as you reached for his heather grey t-shirt. You distractedly grasped the soft material to put it on, but you were too entranced by Tom’s back muscles through his own shirt to follow through.

The fabric was stretched taut over the expanse of his broad shoulders and every little movement allowed you to see the rippling muscle that was underneath it. Your fingers itched to slip under his shirt and feel his toned back for yourself, to lightly dig your n—

“Jude said your friend is waitin’ for you on the porch.” His English twang had you throwing the clean clothes on hastily before he turned back around. “I’ll walk you down.”

All you wanted was to get out of this frat house and into your shower as quickly as possible so you agreed even though you felt like your insides were on fire.

You gathered your dirty clothes and hooked your fingertips into the canvas backs of your shoes before you were ushered out into the corridor. The party seemed to have thinned out a considerable amount with only the occasional person loitering about on the second floor; the thought of someone seeing you with Tom’s baggy clothes on made your cheeks flush and you tilted your head down towards the floor, avoiding anyone’s curious eye. To your anxious mind, it felt like everyone was watching you and Tom descend the grand stairs in the fraternity’s house so you held your gaze with the dark hardwood floor the entire trek to the porch.

His warm palm met the small of your back for the second time that night and you cautiously glanced up into his dark brown irises. You were surprised to see the incredibly soft edge they had taken on and even more surprised by the way your spine instinctively arched against his hand.

A guy had never touched you like this before—it felt intimate and tender and you were a stranger to it.

“Hey.” He had to stoop down towards your ear so you could hear him over the still-blaring music. His breath tickled your neck and his bottom lip brushed the tip of your ear. You couldn’t stop from shivering. “Are you alright?”

No, you weren’t. He was really, really close and your heart was beating dangerously fast again.

“Yeah,” You breathed in reassurance, pushing what you hoped was a convincing smile. “I’m okay. Just tired.”

He didn’t look completely convinced. However, he didn’t push the subject further and you were grateful.

“Alright.” He nodded and it was silent for a split second until you both reached the front door. “You look beautiful in my clothes by the way.”

And then Tom was pushing open the door and there on the porch like he said was a worried Scout. Thankfully, she was way too preoccupied with hurtling questions of “are you okay?” and “what happened?” for her to notice the way your skin was flushed and how you couldn’t quite look anyone in the eye.

The weight of the fingers splayed along the base of your spine disappeared as Scout swept you away from Tom and into her crushing embrace.

“Oh my God!” She shrieked as she hugged you to her, your bundle of clothes and shoes between you digging into your stomach. “You scared the hell out of me. Did you fall in the toilet or something?”

For the first time in what felt like forever, a small snort of a laugh left your throat.

“I’m fine,” You reassured and tangled your digits with hers, tugging her down the porch stairs with you. “And no, I didn’t ‘fall in the toilet.’ I just want to go home and drown myself in the shower.”

“Good. You smell like shit.” Her nose wrinkled. “And please enlighten me on how you ended up in Tom fucking Holland’s bedroom.”

You laughed again and spared a glance over your shoulder.

Tom still stood on the porch, readjusting his backwards hat over his brunette curls. You caught the little smirk on his lips and you swore he winked before Scout was tugging you further up the sidewalk and you were forced to turn back around.

Every inch of your body tingled.

It wasn’t until you stood under the shower head’s chilly spray of water back in your residence hall that you realized you’d left your phone in Tom’s room.

TOM TAGLIST:

@xoxohollands ♡ @outshineallthestars ♡ @pcterparxer ♡ @worldoftom ♡

RETROGRADE ONLY TAGLIST:

@softholand ♡ @sushiinmidnight ♡ @stuckonspidey ♡

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phoenotopia · 5 years ago

Text

2020 July Update

Things have gone slowly... again.

The good news is that the game is now submitted to the console "authority" and it's entirely off my hands. Once it gets through the console "checking" process, it can get a release date and we can sprint towards release. Until then, it'd be at least a month's wait or more until I hear anything. Understandably, their checking process is impacted by Corona, so wait times are increased.

On my end, I was also slow to submit the game. I submitted it late late June, since I ended up spending 7 weeks fixing bugs (and not 2-3 weeks like I estimated in the last blog post). There were just SO many bugs - now squished, thankfully. Since this is a blog post, I'll talk about what kind of bugs I've been fixing.

The other thing that slowed down the submission process was simply due to unfamiliarity with how these submissions proceed. There were pages and pages of stuff to read, guidelines to follow, and legalese to wade through. It really made me wish I had a publisher to guide me through the process. But I was able to clear it with a couple days work. I had an impression that the submission process went like A->B->C->D, with no room for concurrency. Turns out I could have done steps B & C at the same time and sped things up by 2 weeks... So that's that. I'm taking that as a lesson for next time.

The Console Revealed

What is this console that I talk about so stealthily? So that this blog update isn't completely unexciting, I'll reveal which console I've been working on until now. Drumroll please!

It's Switch!

We actually got the Switch dev kit in late 2017. From my understanding, around this time in the USA, the Switch kit was quite hard to get for indies as it was just starting out and high in demand. So I was surprised that my application got approved. I didn't know it then, but the game would still need a few more years of development...

Tweaking performance and fixing bugs

Here you can see my "expert" playtest setup. Since the Switch is more powerful while docked, I needed to playtest it in handheld mode, so I could catch and profile any problem areas where the framerate was unsteady. The most common thing that caused framerate drops were areas that went overboard with lighting. For these areas, I'd tweak or swap out the lights with alternatives that looked similar while also being less computationally intensive. Maintaining 60 FPS is a must!

An old camera (Nikon D3100) trained at the screen recorded my playthrough and would let me rewind to any moment a bug occurred. It could only record in 10 minute chunks, so I'd have to repeatedly repress the record button. On the plus side, because it's so old the movie file sizes were small and convenient.

The number one bug that I tracked and fixed in the past two months was what I dub the "Gear Ring De-equip" bug. The Gear Ring functions as customizable shortcut keys for the player to map items and tools (see an old video demonstration HERE). Through regular use of the inventory, somehow the equipped items on the Gear Ring would be de-equipped. It was an elusive bug since the de-equip event would happen very quietly and you would only suspect something had gone wrong much later. By then, the trail had gone cold and you weren't sure if a de-equip had actually occurred or if the player had simply de-equipped the item themselves. Two other playtesters noted that something left the Gear Ring in their playthrough, but I dismissed them. "Are you sure you didn't just de-equip it yourself?" It was a bug that bred mistrust and discord. I didn't truly believe it until it happened to me...

Luckily, with the camera setup, I was finally able to track it. In the literal 67th video, I caught a live instance of the bug occurring. After which, it was all too easy to recreate the exact same inventory and gear ring setup and replicate it.

(With this exact item layout, combine the 2nd item with the 14th item... and viola! Gear Ring de-equip!)

After fixing this bug, I then proceeded to fix it 5 more times. Every time I fixed it, it would later reappear through a different mechanism.

Why do bugs like this happen? Underneath, there are two lists of items. Tools on the right and items on the left. Items can occur multiple times because they're consumable. Both lists start counting their indexes with the value 0. However, both items and tools co-exist on the gear ring. So to uniquely identify an entry you need both the item ID and the data index. Failure to check both data types resulted in bugs like the Gear Ring de-equip. Now throw in a bunch of item operations that can confuse the system. You can split items, combine items, swap items, or discard items. The more freedom you allow, the more ways there are for the system to trip up.

If you didn't get all that, that's alright. It was needlessly complicated. Imagine doing more and better and with less code and less bugs! Such a thing is possible if you start with the right design. I'm definitely taking notes here on how to design inventory systems for next time. In the meanwhile, I'm very confident I've squished all inventory related bugs.

Other bugs squashed and features implemented in the past 2 months include the end game arts not unlocking properly, collection percentages climbing beyond 100, stray doors floating in the sky, low HP sfx blaring when loading different files, balance tweaks on bosses, a max HP display when the menu is open - too many to count really! It was only after I fixed them all that I was confident enough to move forward with submitting the game. I apologize for the delay this will cause!

PC version back in progress

You may recall in the March 2020 update I talk about how in pursuing the Switch version, I unwittingly ruined the PC version. Well, since the game is "done" now and I'm waiting for it to go through the checking process, I've started working to reclaim the PC version.

And there is some good news to report. The PC version can compile again! Of course, it will need to have some work done, since it was late 2017 when I last had a functioning PC build.

The opening menu is broken, the underlying save file system needs to be updated, and the controls... oh Lord, the controls. Controls were probably the #1 factor in pushing me to pursue a console version first. There are just so many controller options. Even just the usual suspects are numerous: Xbox, Nintendo, Sony, Logitech, Hori, 8Bitdo, Steam...

One of the number one complaints received regarding the flash game (which was keyboard primarily) was that I didn't allow controller rebinding to start. It was then that I learned of the vast array of different keyboard types.

(Ever heard of an Azerty keyboard?)

I shan't make the same mistake twice! One of the things I'll definitely tackle is the Right/Left face button feud when it comes to which should one should be 'confirm' and which one is 'cancel'. I want to allow the player to choose which is their "YES" and "NO" preference and allow that to overlap other actions like Attack or Jump.

Even after control bindings are taken care of, some things just won't translate well. The right control stick is currently used to access the gear ring and for fishing. Keyboards have no right stick. Aiming the crossbow with a full 360 degrees of range is done with the left control stick - if keyboard only, would the crossbow simply be locked to the 8 cardinal directions? What about those tutorial prompts with button graphics (e.g. "Press 'B' to Jump"). If using the playstation controller, it'd need to be the CROSS symbol. How many button graphics are we gonna load into the text module? What if the player, mid-playthrough, decides to swap out controllers? Indeed, there are many issues to tackle where controls are concerned...

Perhaps I'm overthinking it because even some AAA games get this wrong (Dark Souls has 'B' as 'Yes' on Switch, and it's not remappable, which I find quite annoying). I've seen games on consoles where the controls wouldn't mention the console's controller at all but instead mention a mouse and keyboard. Or, if you remapped the controls, the tutorial prompts still showed the old control bindings, making for a confusing experience. I definitely want to do the controls justice, so this will take some time.

Phoenotopia DISCORD Channels

Ryan and Firana have been running a Phoenotopia discord since late 2017, which I promoted on this blog once. It's been a couple years and it turns out that the old discord link I promoted expired. It's long overdue, but their channel could use another shoutout. Here's their channel : https://discord.gg/cnjrYST

Also, Khalid recently reached out to me about creating a Phoenotopia discord as well. I see no reason why we can't have 2 or more discords, so he has created that one with my blessing as well. You can find his discord here : https://discord.gg/cfnsCwy

I personally don't use Discords, since I'm very busy and there's too much new tech to keep up with. I hear there's a Tik Tok now? Should I create a Tik Tok for Phoenotopia? Hmmm...

Anyway, if you'd like to chat with other people who are similarly enthused for Phoenotopia, do check them out!

Fan Arts

We have five new fanart submissions this time around from regulars and new alike.

Cody G. returns with this pair of sketches of Gail. One seeks to answer the question, "how is Gail so strong?" Cody's answer is that under her sleeves she's actually really buff! This might be the most ripped rendition of Gail yet. Also, in the right drawing, the letter 'E' kinda melds with her bat, making it look like a keyblade!

What if Gale was a Shrek character? A new artist, Samu Kajin, from tumblr answers that question with a rendition of Gail sporting ogre style antennae. Samu Kajin says she can be called "Gaek" or "Shrale". I like the poncho!

Shafiyahh returns with a pretty portrait of Gail. Unlike their previous digital pieces, this one was made with color pencils! I like how her hair blends pink and purple colors together, and this pattern is also present in the eyes. Reminds me of a certain character. And the eyes are so sparkly despite using color pencils! Major props!

Negativus Core also returns with this relevant image of Gail, masked and running, presumably from Corona. It gave me quite a chuckle! I like the angle and tilt of this run pose because you can see the sole of her foot - that's how you know she's at full sprint! A skillful blur localized to her left foot show's just the right amount of motion. Gotta love the robot's expression too!

A rare 3D art has emerged. Dany Q crafted this adorable figure of Gail that is as cute as a button! I like how well it translates the pixel character over to 3D, capturing the 3 stitches on her shirt and even catching her stray strand of hair. It kinda reminds me of a Wallace and Gromit character, so I can picture it moving and animating in that unique claymation style.

Next Time

I'm ~80% confident we can clear the Switch console checking process and drop the trailer with a release date before the next blog post. But once again, if things go slowly, you'll hear from us in 2 months...

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atissi · 5 years ago

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What advice would you give someone who wants to play Pathologic but is also terrified of screwing up really badly because I've played just enough of it to feel like there's no way I can succeed without looking stuff up but I don't want to do that! Just basic tips and/or reassurances if you have any?

Updated: Feb. 27 2021 (since I've finished and am replaying P2)

See, the thing about Pathologic is that it’s not possible to “succeed” like you do in other video games. There’s no happy ending for everyone. In the same sense, you can’t really fail. The game accommodates a wide variety of deaths and mistakes—even in Pathologic Classic HD, you can get a character's ending if you hoard enough medicine by the end of the 12 days, no matter how many people get sick or die. In Pathologic 2, everyone can die, but you’ll still be able to get an ending. Even some of the "bad" endings are fun in their own right. Sometimes, the game will reward you with more content because you failed in the first place.

All that being said, I totally relate to your fears. I’ll start by talking about Pathologic 2 first, since I’m more familiar with it. Then there will be some tips on playing Pathologic Classic HD.

Pathologic 2 is incredibly punishing, both emotionally and mechanically. I’ve seen people adapt to this through 3 different playstyles. I’ll rank them in terms of “least close to the intended gaming experience” to “most close”.

1. Just cheat.

“wrt cheating, as a notorious cheater, id recommend trying to do the game as legitimately as possible regardless! if there are some aspects that you absolutely do not vibe with, even with reduced difficulty (for me that's hunger mechanics), i would say that you can load in items to mitigate this aspect. and, tying in with the second point, if you complete a run this way you can always go back and try it legitimately since you've (sort of) gotten an understanding of the mechanic.” - Onion

If you have really bad anxiety, or just dont have the time available to do the other playstyles, cheating is a way to engage with Pathologic 2′s excellent story. Fiddling with the difficulty controls is allowed. Spawning in endless food for yourself is possible. I can even get you in touch with someone who uses cheat codes in the game regularly to get game assets. If changing the game is what it takes for you to get through it, I think it’s better than nothing. But I’d personally at least encourage you to try an Imago playthrough first. Decide if it’s too difficult for you after that. And again: Pathologic 2 is constantly trying to trip you up. It’s meant to be difficult. Sometimes you’ll fail and the game won’t tell you if you could have prevented it. Just keep going. But like Onion said, cheating works as a supplement.

2. Replay, replay, and replay, until you get it right.

“You can always replay. You have more time than they do. Also save states are your friend.” - Alex

“reload as much as possible, do NOT look things up. your first playthru WILL be bad, and thats good!!! experience it fully yourself first. [and] “reload as much as possible” meaning like: [it] isnt a crime, you can do it as many times as possible. but dont get stressed about doing everything perfectly. its an experience!!!” - Zee

There’s no penalty for using your save states. If you get stuck in a death loop, go back as far as you need to in order to get things right. Hopefully this means starting a day over and using your time more effectively. Personally, I got to Day 7 before realizing I had to restart from Day 1, because I was doing that badly. Trust me, if you’ve gotten one miracle cure and 10 bottles of water by then, you’ll be doing better than I was. My friend Bee had trouble too, and took 92 hours to finish their first playthrough. A replay playstyle takes a LOT of time. But Pathologic 2 is so rich in content that replaying isn’t even as annoying as it could be. And this is also the best way to complete as many quests and save as many people as you want. Whenever you’re scared, just remember: you can always go back on your choices! (Other than the theatre’s death penalties. But nothing can help you with those.)

3. Just go through it.

Again. You’re not supposed to succeed in Pathologic. In the words of the lead translator Kevin Snow, “…I know [Pathologic 2’s] script and this is different from other games: there’s so much story locked behind failure and death. You’ll die, and you can’t save everyone. That doesn’t gate you from story; it gives you more. Resist, survive, but continue.” It’s only when you’re suffering that you experience the story so viscerally. That’s when the choices mean something. Sacrificing your own health or the health of others–saving tinctures for yourself, breaking into houses, killing people, choosing not to help people because you just don’t have time–these are impactful because you’re experiencing the mechanical repercussions of your actions. You are not a removed arbiter of the Town’s suffering. Everyone in Pathologic is having the worst 12 days of their life, and you’re dying right alongside them. Spoilers for Day 4, but I don’t think visiting the Rod and seeing the Tragedians would have affected me so deeply if I wasn’t actively starving for the entire sequence. It served as a reminder that I wasn’t the only one in pain; it was heart-breaking and heart-warming. Which I think is Pathologic at its core.

Try to see your failures in the game as another form of success. You’re experiencing the game as it’s meant to be played. And when you feel bad about all the people you’ve failed, remember that this is all a play. The game knows it’s artificial. You can replay the game after you finish–and feel free to use cheats or lowered difficulties on a replay–in order to get everything right. Your mistakes aren’t permanent! But on a first playthrough, try to tough through the hardships. You’ll have a more fulfilling time.

Other tips

You can use these 3 playstyles in combination if you need to. I let myself die when I feel like I deserved the punishment, or reload when I feel like I don’t. Bee managed to finish Day 11 by lowering the game difficulty in the final stretch. Just approximate the intended gaming experience as much as you can.

As for gameplay guides, I don’t think anyone I’ve met recommends it (at least for Pathologic 2). The game does interesting things with when and where it reveals information to you, often in ways that are deliberately inconveniencing. You want to experience that on your own. I also think Pathologic 2 is relatively good at telegraphing mechanics or quests. compared to Patho Classic. That said, I do have tips that I wish I knew before playing:

Sprint everywhere. I know the town is beautiful. But you’re on a hell of a time crunch. If you finish your quests early you can forage or trade for more resources, or just bottom out your exhaustion bar. Sprinting does not make your exhaustion go up faster, and water is plentiful in the first few days. Just do it! Save your own time!

Save a lot. Even if you’re not gonna die on your way in and out of the Broken Heart, this game is chock-full of choices, down to the resource management. If you waste a swig of twyrine, you’ll want a good save point to reload at. You can load any save point in your timeline, so save as often as you want. Keep track of where clocks are on the map--the game tags these in the building descriptions. (For that matter, keep track of where beds are. I didn’t realize I could sleep at Vlad Sr.’s place, which made me waste SO much time travelling between the Shelter and the Lair.)

Learn the trading economy. Everyone holds items at different values. Even the kids value certain nuts over others. There are also some interesting conversion rates between items, like peanuts to soap to pemmican. Make the most of the items you’re bartering. And for that matter, try to build up a cache of items valuable to little girls, in case you find one with a schmowder. The kid’s caches are valuable for trading too: twyrine can show you the locations.

This is also a good spoiler-free guide to Pathologic 2′s mechanics.

For Pathologic Classic HD, I haven’t personally played it, but I’m under the impression that it’s easier than Pathologic 2 because there are less character perma-deaths and no death penalties. The advice about reloading still applies. Here’s what Ally says:

“id recommend using a spoiler free guide (Bachelor, Haruspex, and Changeling guides) but other than that read the diary and letters carefully and try to keep track of npcs that could be affiliated with quests. also! some quests have different options for endings so there could be multiple ways to complete them. stock up on food on the earlier days, and after the inquisitor arrives because the prices drop. try to stealth kill with melee weapons when you can, and also reserve your bullets. …also make sure to trade with the children a lot! hold onto objects like the hooks and flowers [to get schmowders. Like I said before, to win the game you only need enough cures to heal the Bound.] …another tip is to keep a pen and paper around to take notes. like when i got the tincture recipes instead of keeping them in my inventory i just wrote them down.”

And that’s it! If you need specific advice or clarification, feel free to DM me! I love talking about this game. I can also get you in touch with anyone mentioned in this post (except Kevin Snow LMAO). Pathologic has an amazing story and I want everyone to experience it!!!

#inbox #beepbeep.txt #pathologic

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hello-thefatlosshabit-blr · 5 years ago

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If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook.

Have you ever asked yourself why you don’t do the things you know you should? Why you procrastinate starting your most important tasks. Why you put off the things you know in your gut will make a real difference in your life? Mel Robbins, Author of The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage has an explanation for this behavior and provides a simple trick for overcoming it.

She says when you hesitate to act, a red flag goes up in your mind. Your mind interprets your hesitation to act as a warning. Your mind is hardwired to keep you safe by avoiding threats. The moment you pull back, your mind will immediately begin to magnify the danger to prevent you from placing yourself at risk. This cognitive bias, which magnifies our fears and discomfort, is called the spotlight effect. She says you can overcome this mechanism that holds you back by preventing you from taking the difficult actions that will move you forward with a simple trick. To interrupt this habit of procrastination, she recommends you count backward from five. The act of counting backward, 5-4-3-2-1, is a deliberate action that requires focus. It interrupts the habit of procrastination. Use it as a countdown to action. Say to yourself, 5-4-3-2-1 move.

She describes these moments of hesitation as moments of huge power. Moments when leaning into action instead of backing away from it will change your life. Moments when your inner voice and instincts are telling you what you should do, but your fears are working to hold you back. She says if you let your feelings dictate your actions you’ll rob yourself of joy and opportunity. Many of the actions we need to take are difficult and uncomfortable. Will you ever feel like having the difficult conversation to end a dysfunctional personal or professional relationship? No, you won’t. Will you ever feel like making a cold call or speaking up in a meeting with senior managers? No, you won’t. Will you ever feel like volunteering to lead a challenging project, tackle a difficult problem, or give a presentation to a large group of strangers? No, you won’t, but these are the actions that can propel your life and career forward. If we let our fear and self-doubt rule our choices, we will rob ourselves of the achievements we are capable of. If you let feelings decide your actions, you will deprive yourself of growth, opportunity, and happiness. Growth and advancement are almost always the results of taking on new challenges, overcoming fear, and risking failure. If you let your fears and feelings determine your actions, you’ll be safe and comfortable, but you’ll never feel joy or experience growth. Conquering fears and overcoming challenges can be scary and daunting, but they also make us feel great about ourselves when we overcome them by taking action. We feel like winners. Will you experience failures and setbacks, sure, everyone does, but failures teach us lessons and make us better.

Author Mel Robbins

She says it’s ok to feel fear; it’s ok to lack confidence, as long as you don’t let it hold you back. She says, “You can’t control how you feel. But you can always choose how you act.” Feel the fear, and act anyway. In that moment of hesitation, say to yourself; 5-4-3-2-1 move. Discipline yourself to break the habit of procrastination. Overcome your fear and self-doubt. Lean into the things you know you should do. Lean into the things your inner voice says you should do. An amazing thing happens when you repeatedly act in the face of fear. You become fearless. An amazing thing happens when you take action in the face of self-doubt, you become confident.

Studies have shown that people that have a bias toward action achieve more than the geniuses that brainstorm ideas endlessly but don’t achieve results. The best way to overcome procrastination and being paralyzed by indecision is to take action. Adopt a bias toward action. Just get started. Usually, the toughest part of any task is beginning. How many times have you procrastinated beginning a task because it seemed overwhelming, only to discover it wasn’t that difficult, once you began?

The habit of routinely beginning each day, completing your most impactful task, provides immediate and long-term benefits. Task completion gives us a sense of accomplishment. This makes us feel great about ourselves. It triggers the release of endorphins. When you feel yourself starting to hesitate, apply the 5-Second Rule. Initiate physical movement at the end of the countdown; even if it is just grabbing material, or moving your mouse to open a file. Our physiology and psychology are linked. Generating physical movement will help you avoid the malaise of procrastination.

The more impactful and challenging the task completed, the better we feel about ourselves. You will begin to crave these endorphins. This positive addiction will grow stronger over time. Like a muscle, it will grow stronger through repetition and effort. Eventually, it will become a part of who you are. It will be ingrained in your psyche.

Routinely doing what is most difficult early in the day, when your energy and willpower are at their highest, will give you a better chance of success. Habits become easier over time. The habit of doing what needs to be done, instead of what is easy, will grow stronger through repetition, like a muscle. For those that routinely do what others find too difficult to do, life becomes easy. Push forward. Do what needs to be done. Take Bruce Lee’s advice, “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” Download a few of your favorite motivational videos on your smartphone for those times when your motivation is dwindling. You just need to stay motivated and disciplined long enough to make this behavior a habit. Build your discipline muscle, and life’s burdens become lighter.

If you want to learn more about The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage; I encourage you to purchase her book, visit her website , or watch her interview on Lewis Howes. Link to a short 5-minute video on the topic.

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I hope you have found these suggestions helpful. Could you please Like and Share if you enjoyed this post. Best wishes and best health!

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bdneagle · 7 years ago

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The Sequel Trilogy and a Fairy Tale Heroine's Journey.

(I posted this right after TLJ, and I thought it would be worth reposting today)

The Reylo community is a beautiful place let me start by saying that. I have been a part-time meta writer/fanfic writer/silent observer of discourse/and an okay “artist.” It has been a pleasant experience for me over the last two years. I have learned quite a bit about literature, storytelling, cinematography just by being a fan of a fictional couple who I thought had a spark of something. We all invested a lot of time into theory and art of all mediums. I have made friends that I wouldn't have otherwise. The ride has at times been bumpy.

As I sit and try to take in everything in The Last Jedi I admit I am overwhelmed and rightfully so. Rian Johnson has given us so much in this movie to pick through, and over analyze for the next two years. I admit like some of you, I was confused after my first viewing and very conflicted. I wanted Ben and Rey together so badly that when they didn't end up together, I was a bit upset. I was mad at Ben for rejecting Rey, but then I was mad at Rey for rejecting Ben. My emotions were all over the map.

A lot of us felt the same way, some of us freaked out left the fandom, cried in a corner, and some took a minute to really start sifting through the wreckage.

What I have found in that wreckage (as well as many others) is a beautiful treasure. We got way more story than we could have hoped for. It is complex, it is layered and no doubt we will find tidbits of something new while rewatching it until Episode 9.

In this meta, I am going to attempt to shed light on the Heroine's Journey using a fairy tale template if you will. This will hopefully help decipher where we are in this cycle, even though it can at times skip around. I am going to give my full disclosure that I am an amateur. I don’t pretend to be the end all be all super meta writer who knows all of this as fact. I am simply using the Heroine's Journey as a guide and placing my own wet of views on what we’ve been given thus far. I highly recommend at the end of this analysis that you buy a copy of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness by Maureen Murdock. I also suggest you read this blog by Theodora Gross. This is where I get the “template” for the breakdown of a Heroine's Journey as it is usually told in a fairy tale.

*Remember- This analysis is based on the fairy tale stories thus the template I am using provided by Theodora Gross.

The basic break down of a Heroine's Journey in a fairytale setting according to Theodora Gross is this

1. The heroine lives in the initial home.

2. The heroine receives gifts.

3. The heroine leaves her initial home.

4. The heroine enters the dark forest.

5. The heroine finds a temporary home.

6. The heroine finds friends and helpers.

7. The heroine is tested.

8. The heroine dies.

9. The heroine finds her true partner.

10. The heroine finds her true home.

Firstly, I am using this example for a few reasons.

JJ Abrams stated that Star Wars is more like a fairy tale or a western. Here is the actual quote from The Force Awakens Bluray commentary.

“This whole location of Maz’s, of course, mirrors the cantina from A New Hope, as this Starkiller Base mirrors the Death Star. These were the kind of locations that felt like a given in Star Wars. For example, we looked at it like a Western or a fairy tale. What are the elements that you’re going to see that makes it this genre, this specific genre? And clearly, in a Western, you’re going to have the dusty main street, the saloon. You’re going to have cowboys. You’re going to have the bad guy, who’s probably dressed in black. You’re probably going to have a castle, and a prince and a princess, if you’re looking at a fairy tale. We wanted to give these sort of, fundamental, not cosmetic, but, sort of, prerequisite elements. These locations in which we can set our new story and our new characters.”

2. George Lucas has stated Star Wars is for children and it is a fairy tale.

So if we apply Theodora’s template for the Fairytale version of the Heroine's Journey to Star Wars more particularly to the Sequel Trilogy and Rey, we get this breakdown.

The heroine lives in the initial home

The Force Awakens introduces us to our heroine, Rey. We get a glimpse into her harsh everyday life by following her through a Star Destroyer in the barren desert of Jakku- a junk planet on the outer rim. She lives alone in an overturned AT-AT working all day just to feed herself. Like most adventures or fairy tales the main character longs for a different life. Rey longs for her family and even watches a ship leave the planet. We see this in Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Cinderella. Another more similar example is how Luke wanted to leave Tatooine and looked longingly at the twin suns wishing for adventure-- this is part of Joseph Campbell's Hero’s Journey and yes there are similarities, but they are not the same at all. But for the sake of Star Wars and this discussion, I’ll throw in these comparisons.

The point of this setup is to show the audience how bad the conditions are for our heroine or how they are longing for something - a change, a person, adventure, etc.

“And this idea that she won’t share with him here is, of course, because she feels like the only belonging she’s ever going to have is her family and if she leaves she’ll never get a chance to see them. So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.” JJ Abrams TFA

The heroine receives gifts.

Unexpectedly Rey receives a gift in the form of a bright round orange droid- BB-8. This is not the only gift Rey receives. She acquires a blaster from Han Solo, and eventually the Skywalker Legacy lightsaber. I would like to take this moment to note these steps do occur in order. However, storytelling is fluid and just because the heroine receives a gift later in the steps does not void the order of the heroine's journey or take it back a step.

Another example of gifts would be Luke acquiring R2D2 and C-3PO. But he also gets the lightsaber later on. It's important to point out here as well, that in a lot of adventure type stories, we have a Call to Adventure, Refusal of the Call, The Mentor, etc. That is part of myth which is a part of every story in existence essentially in some form. Please watch these videos for reference (they are a bit long and old), but it goes over the themes and myth integrated into Star Wars. And please remember that George Lucas focused on Joseph Campbell's model of the Hero’s Journey when he first wrote A New Hope. Also yes as George has stated these stories are meant to rhyme. That does not mean they are a play by play of the plot. However, themes are similar, because the message of Star Wars is the same. “It is about love.”

The heroine leaves her initial home.

The First Order is hunting BB-8 and forces Finn and Rey to flee the planet for safety. According to Theodora sometimes the heroine is given away, runs away, or she chooses to leave. If the heroine decides to stay her home is destroyed in some way. An example of this is Cinderella. Her happy home is destroyed when her stepmother makes her work as a servant after the father dies.

In Star Wars Luke chose to leave after the death of his aunt and uncle. Anakin was taken by Qui Gon Jinn (Haaa, Liam Neeson - “Taken” get it- get it? I know I’m lame) and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The heroine enters the dark forest.

Rey runs from the safety of Maz’s castle into a dense dimly lit forest after she Refuses the Call. In other fairy tales like The Lassie, the girl enters the dark forest after losing her temporary home. Sleeping beauty grows up in the forest, and Rapunzel enters the dark forest after leaving her tower.

The refusal of the call in Star Wars (hero’s journey) Luke initially tells Obi-Wan he can’t leave Tatooine because of his family. Anakin does not want to leave his mother. Since Rey is a heroine her journey is slightly different but similar at the same time. She doesn't want to go on this adventure because she is holding out hope that someone will come for her on Jakku. Looking back in hindsight after viewing The Last Jedi Maz is forcing Rey to face the truth. “I see it in your eyes, you already know the truth. Whoever you are waiting for on Jakku, they’re never coming back.”

Rey is not ready to face this reality yet. It is this belief that her parents were coming back is what kept her alive for so long. It was a survival coping mechanism that eventually she started to believe. However, deep down she’s always known.

“She’s telling Rey what she needs to hear, which is, “Stop trying to go home, it’s not right, it’s a waste. And that the belonging you seek is not behind you, it’s ahead.” And this is the thing that she can’t accept right now. The idea that she has anything to do with this man that she thought was a myth just this morning, and now here she is being told that his destiny is somehow tied into her choices and her actions. So, when Maz asks her to close her eyes and to feel it and to let it in, she’s not just setting up the moment at the end, when Rey is battling Kylo Ren, but she’s also telling her to stop looking and stop trying to understand and just feel and it is that great lesson of the Force. But she can’t do it. She’s not ready. She can’t take it in.”

The heroine finds a temporary home

Now we jump ahead a bit here because stories are fluid and there is no one formula or beat for beat plot that matches a heroine's journey even though they do follow a direct path. Rey’s temporary home in the entire arc of this story is physically Ahch-To and metaphorically the Resistance. If the story ended completely with The Force Awakens, then her temporary home would have been the Falcon and even her friends Han, Chewie, and Finn. But we know this is a trilogy, and the pace of this journey will be slower. Think back to the Hero’s Journey which is integrated into this framework and note that Rey didn't even Accept the Call to Adventure until the end of The Force Awakens.

Theodora notes that the heroine may think she can stay in this temporary home, but she will eventually have to leave again. Snow White's home was with the dwarves who helped care for her. Sometimes in the temporary home, she finds her true partner, but not in the right form or at the right time. Examples Beauty finds Beast in her temporary home, but he is still the Beast, selfish cruel and unkind. Rapunzel meets her prince but loses him again. Cinderella enters the castle to go to the ball, meets her Prince, but it isn't the right time. She has to leave this temporary “home.”

Rey takes up residence on Ahch-To until she can convince Luke to return. Rey knows this is a temporary home because once she succeeds, they will leave. But what is more interesting than anything else and more telling is that Rey meets her true partner, but he is not in the right form nor is it at the right time.

Ultimately Rey loses Ben again. And I want to stress this again the metaphorical home she has with the Resistance still stands. We are in the middle chapter of the story. Rey left the temporary physical home only to still hold onto the Resistance as the temporary home. And before you try to come at me with pitchforks-- when I say the Resistance, I mean it as an organization, not Leia and Finn or Poe. Those people are her friends, but she is seeking shelter in this metaphorical temporary home because Rey does not know fully who she is yet. Yes, she's a Jedi, but what is her place in all this? Wage war on the FO as the mascot Jedi for the Resistance? Or is it to find the true meaning of the Force, and try to establish some sort of balance with Ben Solo. Remember Luke played this role of legendary Mascot and embraced it-- it led to failure, hubris and the creation of Kylo Ren. Rey’s story is so much bigger than your standard Jedi or weapon of the Resistance... sorry got a tiny bit sidetracked here but you get my point.

The heroine finds friends and helpers.

Luke fills this role to a T albeit begrudgingly. The heroine finds them and enlists their aid by being kind to them and giving them what they need. Later on, they help her when she is forced to leave her temporary home.

Rey finds Luke and tries to enlists his help by telling him she won't fail he like Kylo Ren. Rey attempts to reassure Luke that she can do what Ben could not and at the same time pleads with him to help his sister, Leia. Luke does indeed help Rey after she flees Ahch-To by facing Ben on Crait. Giving her a chance to save her other friends (who have also helped her along the way Finn, Poe, Leia etc.) and what was left of the Resistance.

The heroine is tested.

Heroines can go through agonizing periods of testing. Rey is tested in The Force Awakens when she fights Kylo Ren. She is tested on Han’s freighter when she has to figure out how to help Han escape the gangs. She is tested when she goes up against Kylo in the interrogation room. Make no mistake about it, Rey will still run through the test and trials all the way up to the end of Episode 9. So what were her trials or test in The Last Jedi? If you thought The Force Awakens was tough on her, The Last Jedi was downright brutal and with good reason.

Most of Rey’s tests are not physical in The Last Jedi like they were in The Force Awakens.

The first test is to convince Luke Skywalker to return- she fails.

She fails at her Force training (according to Luke) when she goes straight to the dark and doesn't even try to stop herself.

In the cave when she asks the mirror to see her parents. The cave reveals Rey's deepest fear- she is alone, her parents are gone. But this test in the cave does have its positives even though it devastates her. It is forcing her to confront the truth she already knows - They are dead, and they were nobody.

Rey faces her biggest test in The Last Jedi when she refuses Ben's hand. At this point, Rey has already seen a vision of Ben’s future. It moved her to tears and prompted her to seek him out against all odds. When Rey realizes, Ben isn't in his true form she has to reject him. She begs him to not go down the path. But again it's not the right time yet. This is the part of the fairy tale/heroines journey where she loses the Prince/Partner again.

Although this is heartbreaking for both her and Ben the test does have its positives. Rey finally accepts the truth about her past with Bens help albeit he was a little harsh. But he also makes Rey say it. He doesn't lead the conversation by saying they sold you for drinking money, then forces her to admit it to herself. He prompts her to say it FIRST, then he confirms what they did/or his interpretation of the events. Notice Rey does not correct him. Rey learns to let go, even if it does means she has to let him go too.

The heroine dies.

Attached to the test and trials (again according to Theodora Gross) is a journey into death. Persephone's journey into the Underworld, Snow White’s temporary death/ deep sleep in the glass coffin. Sleeping Beauty and her hundred year sleep.

Rian does an excellent job showing us visually Rey’s death, during a time of testing. Rey ships herself into essentially Hell (Snoke represents the Devil) in an escape pod that looks like a coffin. Again visually this is stunning, it ties in Snow White’s death and Persephone’s journey into Hell. Also one could tie in Psyche’s descent into Hades. It all represents death.

In Star Wars we see literal death and metaphorical death. Han Solo went under a Sleeping Beauty type death. The trope was subverted, and the Princess woke the sleeping “Prince” giving him a kiss at the time of his awakening. There are other “clues” that give a nod to Han Solo’s slumber and Reys metaphorical death. The escape pod also says Property of Han Solo. Rian specifically asked for it to be written on the coffin-shaped escape pod. You have to stop and ask yourself why? General Audience viewers are not going to know it says that or even see that anything is written on it so why bother? Because Rian is telling a more in-depth story here. Nothing he has done throughout this entire movie is without thought and purpose.

What is the purpose of the death of the heroine? Well, let's think about what happened to cause Rey to run to the other side of the Galaxy-- and descend into the metaphorical underworld, to begin with. What was happening? Luke wasn't teaching her the way she thought he would. It was proving to be difficult especially once she learned the truth behind his self-imposed exile. Luke refused to get involved, his way was not working for her. Rey wanted to act.

According to because the Heroines Journey Project in this step, the new way of life is too limited. Success in this new way of life is either temporary, illusory, shallow, or requires a betrayal of self over time.

Wouldnt be Rey be betraying everything she stands for (Hope) if she just stayed away like Luke wanted her to? To give in, to let Ben Solo’s fate remain on its current destructive course? That is not Rey, it isn't what she represents in Star Wars at all. The purpose of this metaphorical death is to shed away this ideology Luke had about himself and about the Jedi.

The heroine finds her true partner.

We have not reached this point in the story. The Last Jedi ends with the heroines death (step 8). But we will get here in episode 9 and since there are only two steps left I say that is fitting for Rey’s overall arc.

In this step the partner is in his true form, the beast has transformed into the Prince. Theadora notes that in fairytales it may not seem like much of a love story because most tales are told shorthand (the prince dances with the princess three times) But lucky for us Star Wars although forced to tell such a story shorthand has and can do it. The core to this step in the journey is that the heroine and the partner recognize each other.

For Ben and Rey this could mean that they finally see each other clearly. Recognizing that the balance is not all Light or all Darkness. Or that both light and dark live in both of them. Perhaps they realize that both sides of the war are wrong and the only real way forward is through love and acceptance.

The heroine finds her true home

Rey had to leave her initial home to find her place in the world. This could be with Ben, Finn, and the rest of the Resistance which she has coveted as a second family or perhaps will occur in Episode 9. In fairy tales, Belle can finally live with the Beast, and Cinderella can live in the castle with her Prince.

There is usually a partner in these situations although it is possible to end the story without one. However, considering the heroine's journey, and the theme of Star Wars I believe we will get a happy ending for both Rey and Ben.

I’ll leave this quote from Theadora’s blog here.

“If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of the heroine finding her true partner (does she really need a man to be her partner?), you can think of it as a metaphor. The true partner is also the other side of herself, so the story shows us the integration of the feminine and masculine, human and animal, sides of the personality. I don’t know, really: I just know that the partner is usually there, that the heroine is eventually united to a prince. Perhaps it means that a union with the right other is one of the highest things we can achieve in this life, perhaps it’s about unity within the self. Either way, it seems to be part of the story.”

If you have read other meta on the Anima and Animus, you’ll understand that reference that I bolded above. Rey and Ben fit the Anima and Animus profile, I can’t express that enough. The theme of The Last Jedi throughout marketing was Balance. We have been given very blatant clues about the balance of the Prime Jedi First Order. The symbol on the floor of the temple was pretty close to a Yin and Yang symbol. We know that The Art of The Last Jedi had concepts of Rey seeing Kylo on the other side of the mirror in the Dark Side cave. Rey and Ben have been mirrors of each other since The Force Awakens. (I go into depth on Kylo/Ben’s mirror cave here). You can see it in their choreographed fighting at the end. They emotionally mirror each other (both are lonely, and were isolated). They are coded in dark and light clothing. Even when Ben speaks to Rey its as if he could be talking to himself in a mirror. This happens in both Episode 7 and 8.

The merging of the Anima and Animus is paramount to the end of a Heroine's Journey. Only then can they be complete. Rian has repeatedly stated (paraphrasing) They are both two sides of the same coin two halves of the protagonist. For Rey and Ben to not come together in balance at the end of Episode 9 would be odd, to say the least.

I've seen arguments that Ben has to die or endure some type of harm to be redeemed. But to that, I throw this line at them. “It isn't about fighting what we hate, it is saving what we love.” - Rose Tico

Sure, Ben will continue to suffer, as Rey will continue to go through trials but only until they recognize each other. I don’t think Ben has to be mortally wounded or die to gain redemption. Star Wars is about Love.

From a storytelling perspective, we’ve had a tragedy and redemption in death. Ending the Sequel trilogy (a heroine's journey) with redemption in death is repetitive and doesn't fit the structure. It is my own personal opinion that we will get happy ending with redemption in life.

#reylo #reylo and mythology #rey #rey of jakku #star wars #star wars meta #reylo meta #ben solo #rey x kylo #rey x kylo ren #kylo ren #ben x rey

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coolgreatwebsite · 6 years ago

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Cool Games I Finished In 2018 (In No Real Order)

Man! Wow! 2018! 2018 was a wild year for me. I managed to deliver those elbow drops I talked about last year and ended up doing a lot of of things. I left my job and moved cross-country in the span of like 2 and a half weeks! I took a new job in the video game industry (play Ninjin and Override)! I took a trip to Vegas a week after that! I got in a relationship! I got out of a relationship! It’s been a ride. A ride that hasn’t left me a ton of time to play video games or write about video games, but I’m like 1000 times happier now so it’s probably a fair trade. No matter what though, I will always be here at the end of the year to make a bunch of terrible MSPaint banners and provide you with another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2018.

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne (PlayStation 2, 2004)

Nocturne is a game that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since I beat it. It’s so damn cool. It starts with you witnessing a demonic apocalypse where only you, your two friends, your teacher, a reporter, and the man with the world’s wildest widow’s peak survive. These people are, with a couple of notable exceptions, the only real characters in the entire game. You barely see them, and when you do your meetings are usually pretty brief. Sure, you talk to and recruit a horde of demons to your side as party members, and you interact with a handful of demonic antagonists and various demonic NPCs, but for the most part the game is just you. You, alone, wandering the weird hellscape remnants of Tokyo. It’s one of the most solitary-feeling video games I’ve ever played, and it nails this atmosphere flawlessly. The music, the visuals, the writing, every element gels with every other element so smoothly to create a prevailing, almost overbearing feeling of loneliness. The combat and gameplay mechanics are what I understand this series to mostly be like (this being the only mainline SMT I’ve played), and are fun and engaging in a way that’s not too dissimilar from the Persona series. The only knock I have against Nocturne is that the dungeon design super sucks. I’m fine with endless corridors, my love of the PS2 Persona games can attest to that, but almost every dungeon in Nocturne has an annoying gimmick to it, and they all essentially boil down to different takes on a teleporter maze. I was kind of almost dreading navigating dungeons by the time I got to the last fourth of the game, but my intense love for literally everything else saw me through. For those of you who like JRPGs and haven’t played Nocturne, I’m sure you’ve heard this plenty of times, and I was like you once. I didn’t listen. But now I’m on the other side of the tunnel, so I get to say it. You should really, really play Nocturne. It’s good.

Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

Octo Expansion is what Splatoon 2′s single player mode should have been from the start. Don’t get me wrong, the packed in single player campaign is fine, but it’s basically a level pack for Splatoon 1′s. Octo Expansion, on the other hand, is 100% fresh. Structurally it’s much more diverse, with the campaign taking place over 80 mostly-bite-sized missions with varying objectives. There’s a couple of stinkers in there, but overall the quality of the missions is much higher than what was in the original single player campaign. They can actually be pretty tough sometimes too! It was fun to see some actual challenge in a Splatoon campaign. Everything wrapped around the core gameplay of Octo Expansion is kind of phenomenal. The setting and visual design is super weird, the music is way more mellow than anything else that’s come out of the series and creates a great sense of atmosphere, and the writing is actually genuinely pretty great. There’s a lot of funny dialogue and good character moments. They made me like Pearl! The weird gremlin that eats mayo! She’s my friend now! The last half an hour or so of Octo Expansion is also straight up my favorite sequence from a game I played this year too. Don’t sleep on this thing just because it’s DLC. It’s legitimately great.

Monster Hunter: World (PlayStation 4, 2018)

At the outset I was incredibly skeptical of Monster Hunter: World. This wasn’t entirely fair to the game, as a lot of this feeling was based on its initial E3 reveal trailer kinda sorta matching up to some mostly not true pre-E3 leaks, namely that it would be much more action heavy to cater to Western audiences and tie into the then unannounced Monster Hunter movie (which, as an aside, looks like a trainwreck that I desperately want to see). You can probably pretty easily find some tweets and posts from me around that time saying that the game looks like trash because of some misinterpreted new game mechanic. I am here to say that I am a big wrong dumbass and Monster Hunter: World is very good. You might be surprised to hear this, but it’s Monster Hunter! With a bunch of good and well-executed gameplay refinements! And graphics that aren’t repurposed from a PS2 game! It’s a ton of fun and I put a lot of time into it, but it’s not without its flaws. The number of monsters and weapons is comparatively way lower than in previous games, mostly due to that whole not repurposing PS2 models thing. It’s still kind of clunky in a lot of the places Monster Hunter has been historically clunky in, but also in some pretty big new ways, mainly around playing multiplayer. Also the story, while it’s as bland as it’s ever been, is exponentially more intrusive thanks to the addition of voiced cutscenes (which need to be triggered before the game lets you bring other players into story missions, causing a lot of that clunk I mentioned earlier). It’s all nothing game-ruining, of course. The game wouldn’t be on the list if it was! Monster Hunter: World exceeded my expectations, and I’m super looking forward to playing the recently announced G Rank expansion when it comes out next year.

Contra: Hard Corps (Sega Genesis, 1994)

I wish I could go back in time and kick my own stupid ass for not playing this sooner. I’d written off Contra: Hard Corps for the longest time based solely on some bullshit I read on the internet at an age where I just took other peoples’ opinions and made them my own. This and Castlevania Bloodlines were the bad ones, the ones some weird b-team crapped out for the Genesis while the SNES got the good stuff like Contra 3: Alien Wars. Well, it turns out... they were right about Bloodlines. But MAN were they wrong about Hard Corps. Hard Corps is the best Contra game. It fucking rules. I would have gone on with my life never giving the game a glance if not for this excellent Giant Bomb feature happening, and a couple of episodes in I knew I had to play it for myself. Contra: Hard Corps is fucking nuts. It’s balls to the wall 100% of the time. There’s so many unique enemies and wild bosses and they’re all never not exploding. The game has four characters with unique weapons and multiple different level paths that have totally different levels, bosses, and story beats. Oh, and the soundtrack fucking rips. Sometimes it’s a little too much, and there are definitely some sequences and boss attacks that are total gotchas that you can’t survive without prior knowledge of how they work. I’d also be remiss not to give a special shoutout to level 4′s awful, tedious, unskippable-on-any-route boss. But god damn if the rest of Hard Corps doesn’t outshine these flaws. It’s the high water mark for insane non-stop 16-bit action.

Deltarune (PC, 2018)

Does this count? It’s a demo for a full game that won’t be out for a real long time... I suppose it does, it’s self-contained enough. Deltarune, the free demo for the sort of but also sort of not sequel to Undertale, is unsurprisingly good as hell. Less surprising for sure, as Undertale is a known quantity these days, but I’m still way into it. The story is interesting and full of charming characters, and the battle system has been overhauled to include things like multiple party members with different abilities while still keeping all the things that made Undertale’s battles novel. The music is, of course, fantastic, and the visuals look much nicer while adhering to the same general style as the previous game. It’s fairly short, and some character development feels a little rushed because of it, but again, it’s a small chunk of the beginning of a much larger game. I can’t imagine any of this stuff wouldn’t be expanded upon. It’s hard to judge this thing story-wise due to the nature of it being a demo. I thoroughly enjoyed what is there, though, and look forward to playing the rest of the game in 50 years or whatever.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

This game is so much. Even though the first thing I learned about this game was “everyone is here”, I still wasn’t ready for how much it is. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is maybe too much. Of course, as previously stated, everyone (meaning every single previous playable Smash Bros. character) is here. Most of the previous stages are also present. This was all known. Where the game really, truly goes overboard though is in the single-player content. There’s the usual classic mode for every character, this time specifically structured around a theme for each character, but the vast majority of it is actually comprised of the all-new spirits system. Spirits are non-playable video game characters that you can collect and equip to your fighters for special abilities, sort of like a less terrible version of Smash Bros. Brawl’s stickers. You collect these spirits through spirit battles, which are fights themed around the character the spirit represents via extremely clever usage of already existing fighters and mechanics. These battles range from the obvious (Big the Cat’s battle tasks you with fighting a giant purple Incineroar), to the obscure (fight the main characters from Zangeki no Reginleiv as represented by Link and female Robin while you’re giant-sized), to the creative (Porygon’s spirit puts you in a fight against wireframe Little Mac and Akira from Virtua Fighter, normally an assist trophy), to the downright in-jokey (the spirit of Ness’s Father, displayed as the telephone spirte from Earthbound, makes you fight an invisible Solid Snake). There are like 1200 spirits. The vast majority of them have an associated battle. And you don’t just experience these battles through a menu, at least half of them are implemented into the 30 hour long adventure mode, World of Light, which has you fighting spirits, navigating dungeons, and facing bosses. It’s insane. They focused on spirits in lieu of collectible trophies this time around and they absolutely made the correct choice. The trophies in the last two Super Smash Bros. games were fine, but easier access to existing 3D models of most represented characters made them inherently less exciting than Melee’s tailor-made collection of high quality (considering the time period) renders, many of which would never receive a 3D model again. The spirits system manages to be exciting in the same way Melee's trophies were, fostering a genuine sense of anticipation to see what they cooked up next, but in the context of gameplay. They completely knocked it out of the park. Smash 4 made it on one of these lists long ago, and I essentially just said “it’s more Smash Bros. and that’s good”. Smash Ultimate is also more Smash Bros., but it’s SO much more Smash Bros. It’s so much more extremely good Smash Bros. The only things I can ding it for are some totally subjective stage preferences (where the hell is Poké Floats) and some slightly less than optimal music sorting decisions. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is, ultimately, the ultimate Super Smash Bros.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Nintendo Switch, 2018): Remember Castlevania 3? Inti Creates sure did! This prequel to the still unreleased Koji Igarashi Kickstarter project Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is an unabashed love letter to Castlevania 3, and it’s pretty good. Mom Hid My Game! (Nintendo Switch, 2017): A charming little game in the style of those old escape the room Flash games. It even looks like one (in the literal sense, not the pejorative). It’s not tough or replayable really, but it is $5 and consistently absurd and surprising. Yakuza 6: The Song of Life (PlayStation 4, 2018): Yakuza 6 is kind of a weird juxtaposition. It’s the final chapter of Kazuma Kiryu’s story, but also the first game to use the Yakuza team’s new Dragon Engine. The story end of things is a good, solid sendoff for a bunch of characters I’m going to miss very dearly, but the gameplay feels very formative and limited in a way that sort of reminds me of Yakuza 1. I had a good time with it overall, but I hope they manage to dial it in like they did with the previous decade of Yakuza games and make something truly excellent again. Looking at you, Judge Eyes. Etrian Odyssey V: Beyond the Myth (Nintendo 3DS, 2017): Etrian Odyssey V is a return to basics for the series, ditching things like overworlds and sub-dungeons and just pitting your party against one big labyrinth. Honestly, gotta say, I miss the stuff they left behind! The core of Etrian Odyssey is still super strong so I had fun regardless, but the overall simplicity of the game and the changes to how classes work had me missing EOIV more often than not. Soundtrack’s great though, as expected. Sonic Mania Plus (Nintendo Switch, 2018): To be completely honest, most of the stuff they added to Sonic Mania in Plus really isn’t that fantastic. Mighty’s spike and projectile immunity is fun, but Ray’s flying is more interesting than effective. Encore mode is largely disappointing, with most of it feeling identical to the base game outside of its all-new (and too hard for their own good) special stages. HOWEVER, Sonic Mania Plus was an exceptional excuse to play through Sonic Mania another six or so times. Congratulations to Sonic Mania for being game of the year for two years in a row. WarioWare Gold (Nintendo 3DS, 2018): A good compilation game, executed much better than in the team’s previous Rhythm Heaven Megamix, but lacking in reasons to come back after you’ve played all the games. There’s the usual toy room stuff WarioWare has had since Touched!, but it’s bogged down by reliance on a currency system and the fact that sooooo many things you unlock are just parts that feed into a larger, not that interesting thing. The part where you play WarioWare is great though, and the new visuals make it all feel fresh even though it’s mostly older games. Mario Tennis Aces (Nintendo Switch, 2018): I had a brief, passionate love affair with Mario Tennis Aces. The core gameplay is rad as hell and more like a fighting game than a tennis game, with multiple different special shots and a focus on meter management. I played like 40+ hours of it between the full game and the demo and never even touched the single player (which makes it technically not count for this list, but, shut up). I got 2nd place at its very first tournament at CEO 2018. Then I... stopped playing. It had some weird balance issues, sure, but I think it was more a victim of circumstance rather than anything else. I moved basically right after CEO and just never went back to it. It’s still incredible though. I hope this game’s systems are the standard for Mario Tennis games going forward.

We made it! Bottom of the list! It was a shorter trip this time, but I’m still proud of you for making it here all the same. Thank you for reading the words I typed about video games. I’m looking to get this web page back into gear in 2019, so you can probably expect part 2 of The Best Babies sometime in January. Hopefully I’ll actually play some video games too so I can bring back Breviews on the first of February. Until then!

#article #year wrapup

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consilium-games · 6 years ago

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Genresick, or: Six Ways to Heartache

As I discussed allll the way back in this post in March, I've been working busily on the supplement to Lovesick. And at very long last, it's finally, finally done:

Genresick

Go on, click on it, I worked hard on it! I'll wait!

. . .

You're back? You took a look at least? Excellent. Cause I'd like to say a few things about it here.

First, "what could have been": my initial idea was a lot more weird and high-concept. I'll probably realize it in some form later, but it entailed a bigger focus on collaboration in storytelling, and in particular, loosening up the focus on "a few main characters (PCs) in the hands of cooperating players".

Instead, it was going to or will in the future use a whole ensemble of characters that players would make, terse thumbnail sketches at first, and maneuver together and against one another, striving for one of three 'endings' to the shared story. Still centered very much on passion, internal motivations, psychological damages, and unhealthy fixation, and still both very self-aware and very determined to tell its kind of story. But that concept needs to stew more.

I've been thinking a lot lately on some of the more abstract ideas involved in storytelling: how stories about ourselves often define us, how we build ourselves out of these stories, and how dissonance between stories can feel like you've actually entered some other kind of reality, where even the laws of nature don't match what you've grown to trust as much as gravity.

Heady, nerdy stuff, in short, and I think the untitled game I didn't make--because it basically would and should be its own full game--is both a necessary step to getting where I want to work on, and still a bit beyond my reach.

Second, "what is": Genresick is a few things at once. It's a supplement obviously, a pile of toys and backdrops for Lovesick surely, but it's also a kind of reassessment. I think characters by themselves can make for a really compelling story--as long as they want things, for reasons, and do things to get them, you have a story. So people wanting relatable things to an unreasonable degree and doing dramatic things to get them seems like a perfect pitch to me!

Not so much the people who find their way to click on my downloads.

Now, I'm not defeated or even disheartened by this, so much as attentive: "hmm, that didn't work . . ." So, let's see what people make of something packaged more in the traditional trappings and tropes of Geek Culture[tm]: science fiction, unpronounceable names, airbrushed paperback covers, the kind of genre fiction set-dressing that "stories for nerds" often comes with.

Thirdly--let me dig into that a bit.

Still inflamatory after all these books

I could go dig up citations and quotations from better commentators than I, citing the operation of a kind of "low-brow chic" in the many intersecting and overlapping orbits that enclose "people who read, buy, play, and make roleplaying games". I won't though, I trust that it's not a foreign concept, but I'd like to stake out how I see it a bit, and what I think it means.

To put it really briefly and only a little reductively, science fiction and fantasy as we know them today were very strongly influenced by being relegated to the gutters of culture. Most recently as Young Adult[tm] books and over-contracted mandatory-trilogy series and hypercapitalist conventions, but prior to that, low-budget TV series, three-color comic books, and before that, B-movies and 'cult classics'. You can even see a lot of that in the earliest incarnations of Dungeons and Dragons--there's an actual robot wizard in there. An actual robot that is an actual wizard.

This influence isn't any weaker today, it's just weirder: genre mashups and "what even is genre, really" sensibilities, and the slow dissolution of previously-stable subcultural boundaries mean that the idea of a "space western" isn't a radical new thing--it's Firefly. But, what hasn't left? The genre fiction domain, and the tendency to live entirely inside it.

When a piece of Geek Culture[tm] tries to articulate itself, to position itself and give itself context, to say what it's about and what it's doing, the points of reference are always firmly inside the spheres of genre fiction, the low-budget, the literarily maligned, the 'nerdy' rather than 'intellectual'. This has to include my own work, too--RPGs as an artistic medium live more or less entirely inside the geekosphere, and I credit FROM Software in my first book--a video-game company, who made the sword-and-sorcery game that inspired Succession. Good work can come out of the genre fiction ecosystem, but . . .

But. The fact that anyone needs to point that out, even as a defensive disclaimer, is not a very healthy sign. A story set in the future exploring the possible effects of technology on society can be a true work of art--just look at Mary Shelley. But when the wealthy and lettered at some point decided that the only good stories, worth studying, involve wealthy and lettered literature professors contemplating an affair--well. Two things happened:

Firstly the academics set the standard for Good Art[tm], which you've probably seen some reaction against, say, Duchamp's 'Fountain'. But standard it remained and to a large degree remains: severe attitudes, reserved speech, refined vocabulary, abstract and sometimes even indiscernible stakes and ideas and goals, when it comes to stories and how they're conveyed. The groove carved into (white Western anglophonic) culture's psyche at large is "this is what Good Art is, and if you wish to be a Good Artist, you must aspire to this; if you cannot appreciate this Good Art, you are no artist or intellectual at all!"

Secondly they deprived the rest of us of a vocabulary, half by claiming it themselves and using it only for their kind of "Good Art", half by everyone else identifying even trying to form such a vocabulary as one of those effete ivory-tower intellectuals here only to sneer on Bad Art or even Non-Art. So weirdos like me have to travel far and dig deep to piece together analytical tools to understand how "Bad Art" stories work, what they do, how they function, what makes them work and what makes them fail.

But, as a consequence of that second thing, in Geek Culture people kept making art! But they didn't have a vocabulary for the many new concepts they kept forming and inventing independently and from scratch, and then borrowing and elaborating from one another. I think this is both why application of basic storytelling techniques like foreshadowing and mixed motivations can be so captivating for a nerd-as-a-first-language audience even when bungled: they're the same techniques refined over centuries over there in "Good Art", good techniques that work--but that don't work without adjustment. Adjustment that outsiders lack the vocabulary to discuss, and thus can't really derive for their own needs.

All this boils down to Geek Culture more often than not tending to shy away from something that looks "intellectual" unless it first looks "sci-fi" or "fantasy" or some other identifiable public forswearing of the scary ivory tower. You can see a lot of this in video-games' audience: "it's just video-games, don't put politics in my video-games, can't it just be a video-game?!" Of course it can. There will always be games for the sake of games (Chess), and songs for the sake of songs (most any pop song), and now video-games and movies just for the sake of something flashy to look at and something to do for awhile after earning a daily wage. That's not what bothers a person making that kind of complaint.

What bothers them is a lot more complicated than I have the energy left to get into, but hey, I think if I can develop and popularize and expand that vocabulary we've been denied (and denied ourselves), we can use it to make some really wicked cool things. I'm not about to tell anyone to toss out their Dragonlance and instead read Dante's Inferno--honestly, I'd have to rate them on a par if you look at the work and not at the reception. Both are fantastical fan-fiction, though Dante's is a lot meaner in spirit and departs more from the source material, though it certainly has more technical execution on its side.

Instead what I want is for us to have, as a "Geek Culture", a way to understand something like Dragonlance as thoroughly as Dante's Inferno. And we're getting there! Meanwhile, if the only way to sell people on "intense character-study and focus on relationships" is to put on a space-suit, then suit me up.

So what's up next?

Aside from stirring the new pot bubbling over on r/consilium_games, and hopefully starting some form of discourse, next is a full RPG in its own right, in keeping with my self-appointed schedule of "full game and supplement"! And since I've implicitly asked my readers and/or the RPG community at large to stretch so much in looking at Lovesick, it's only fair that I stretch myself too.

Specifically, I'm working now on a very mechanics-heavy, combat-oriented game, applying the same mechanical components I've used since Succession and especially some of the ideas in Substitute Reagents, but building them around concrete, reified, 'gamey' interactions rather than purely narrative beats and character-focused stakes.

I also intend it to dig into identity formation, structures and systems of power, how people 'cast' themselves and one another, and a few other themes very close to my heart. Come for the crunchy cinematic action, stay for the pensive meditation on selfhood!

#lovesick #genresick #rpgs #books #commentary

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years ago

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Fic: Nocturne (14/30) - Ao3 Link

Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Pairings: Mostly Gen (variety later to come)

Summary: In which Cor Leonis loses his temper, accidentally acquires a kid, and tries to single-handedly dismantle the Lucian immigration system – and that’s before he and his lawyers find out about this Prophecy business. If the Astrals think Cor’s going to let his kid’s best friend die without a fight, they’ve gotten the wrong cheetah ‘taur.

(a young adult novel set in @kickingshoes’ ‘taur AU)

—————————————————————————————— ——————————————————————————————

“He’s going to be all right,” Clarus tells the children: Luna, who’s still shaking and hugging herself, and Ignis, who’s gone far too still, and Prompto, who hasn’t stopped crying even if he’s run out of noise to make, and Gladio, whose expression of blankness Clarus knows all too well. He feels it too, every time Regis gets himself hurt: that soul-scorching feeling of failure, of emptiness, consumed entirely by the thought that he did not do what he should have and put himself between his King and the dangerous world.

Clarus would have kept Gladio from knowing that feeling for many years yet, if he could.

“He’s been in surgery for hours,” Ignis says, uncharacteristically exaggerating – but not by much. “That indicates the wound was serious.”

“His back,” Clarus says, because they deserve to know. “He was hurt badly, and he’ll probably have to use a wheelchair for a long while, but the doctors say that they think he’ll make a full recovery.”

He hesitates, because there was more that they said – medicine is all well and good, after all, but as far as the doctors all know, the Oracle is off in Tenebrae and they suggested a visit there once Noctis could be moved, to help heal him further with her magic. In reality, of course, they don’t need to go to Tenebrae for that; they have an Oracle with them already. But Lunafreya is still shaking –

“I can help,” Luna says, understanding already. “When – when the doctors are done. I know a little of what my mother does.”

“Doesn’t that drain you?” Ignis asks sharply. “I won’t see you get hurt.”

“Iggy –”

“No. Isn’t Noctis being hurt enough?”

Ignis’ own ankle is in a walking boot all the way down the hoof, having twisted when he fell from his Chocobo in the fracas, and Gladio’s arm is bandaged from a nasty cut he got when he charged one of the daemons and they swiped at him with their sword, but neither of them count those as injuries next to what happened to Noctis.

Proper warriors already, Clarus thinks sadly; he wishes it wasn’t so.

“Luna, the doctors don’t want him treated with magic until they feel like the inflammation has gone down and there’s no chance of fevers,” Clarus says. “We would be very grateful to you for your help at a later point in time, in measured intervals, but we will not let you hurt yourself trying to make Noctis better. Is that clear?”

“But –”

“That is final, Lunafreya.”

She clenches her teeth, but nods.

“Can we see him?” Prompto asks, his voice thready and raspy from all of his tears. “Please?”

“Not yet,” Clarus says. “As soon as we can, you will.”

It takes another three days before Noctis is well enough to speak to anyone, though the doctors prefer he use a phone rather than permit potentially rambunctious children to enter, and a full week before – after swearing to behave – they are allowed in.

Prompto scarcely leaves Noctis’ side after that, with Gladio and Ignis taking turns to go fetch whatever they can think of to make him smile: books, and plushies, and video games of all sorts. Luna is there, too, quite often, though they have to supervise her visits after the first few times she tries to further heal him unsupervised and works herself into a migraine that she then tries unsuccessfully to hide.

Nyx and Hemera and Libertus come visit with old Galahdian remedy soups that they swear on every Astral out there that they’ve made “mild” and positively “bland”, although Noctis’ face still turns bright red upon eating them. According to the Galadhians, that's a normal reaction to the chilis and peppers and a sign that the soup is working.

Scientia sighs at them and shows up with soft, freshly-baked bread and rice balls and other food that is actually bland, but somehow still utterly delicious - Clarus knows this because she makes enough to share, not because he's been stealing from an injured child, thank you.

Regis continues to carry on forward, because he is the King and he must, but Clarus feels like his dearest friend aged five years in a single afternoon. His limp is heavier, his walk slower; his head is bowed more often; he frowns more. When Clarus thinks of what could have happened if Cor and the Crownsguard and the Kingsglaive hadn’t been there – if Regis hadn’t yielded and permitted Noctis to start training as a fighter from an abnormally young (for everyone but Cor) age – he shudders.

As it is, everyone is taking this badly. Cor was defending Noctis and the other children, and he only left his post for a split second – and even accounting for the cost to Noctis, that second was well-spent, in Clarus’ mind, because his intervention was the only reason that Aulea survived the battle instead of dying on a daemon’s sword – but it means that Aulea is tormented by the thought that her own injuries or lack of fighting prowess was what led to her son’s injury, and that Cor hasn’t forgiven himself for his inability to be in two places at once.

Because of that, Cor walks around with tension in his eyes, trains his people harder, and goes off for a week on his own to return with another Royal Arm which he refuses to let Noctis absorb until he feels up to it. He even sits and tells Noctis the whole story of how he got it from a dungeon behind a waterfall in the center of an ice-cave, listing for his amusement the taxonomy of all the species of daemon he encountered and slew in the process.

Clarus resists the urge to strangle Cor primarily due to the fact that his (highly mechanical) account of his battle with three mindflayers and two ronin keep the children, including Noctis, so enraptured that they actually forget about Noctis’ injury for an entire afternoon.

Cyrella’s approach to cheering people up has been perhaps the most effective – she drops baby Iris into their arms, thereby causing everyone to immediately forget what they are doing – but it’s not sustainable.

At least Noctis is healing, Clarus reminds himself. Perhaps when he has fully healed – if he fully heals – they will be able to move on and become healed themselves.

Clarus certainly hopes so, anyway.

It’s been seven months, now, and yet everyone seems…frozen.

Luna rushes by him in the hall, her deer legs making the hurried leaps look almost like a dance, and her eyes are red with crying again.

Clarus considers his schedule – several meetings with some nobles on matters that on paper appear significant enough for him to agree to meet but which in all likelihood are simply covers to interrogate him as to the health of the Prince, like the gossipy vultures they are – and decides to follow Luna instead.

By the time he finds her, though, padding silently after her, she's already found someone to comfort her: Gentiana, the Oracle's Messenger. The Messenger splits her time between the two Oracles, which seems appropriate enough, and she's remarkably good at remaining out of sight when she doesn't think she's needed; most of time, Clarus even forgets that she's there.

Honestly, all things considered, Clarus prefers Umbra, the Messenger which has taken the shape of a dog, but he thinks that might be rude to say. Gentiana is, he assumes, entirely normal for a Messenger, and beautiful to boot, but he can't help it: she gives him the shivers, and not in a good way. She's too eerie for that.

"It will be well, my Oracle," Gentiana is saying in her whispery voice. "The Prince heals even now."

"I know that," Luna sobs, clearly unappeased. "He's getting better every week – every month – little by little - I know it'll take time -"

"Then what is the cause for your tears?"

"Everything!"

"What do you mean?"

"If only I was a better Oracle, I could heal him the way Mother could," Luna says, her voice muffled from the way her face is pressed into Gentiana's side. "And then King Regis wouldn't look like someone stabbed him, and Scientia wouldn't be doubting her decisions, and Iggy wouldn't be throwing himself into those etiquette books like if he only studies enough he could go back in time and keep it from happening, and Gladio wouldn't be training himself at night even when it hurts him –"

Clarus didn't know that. That's no good; he'll have to put a stop to that.

"– and Cor goes out and does stupid things, and anytime Prompto isn't with Noctis he just goes quiet and that's just wrong and poor Aulea is always thinking that she did something bad just by not dying and Cyrella watches over baby Iris like she thinks something is going to happen to her and Clarus roams the hallways like he thinks he can guard everyone –"

He does?

Clarus considers his own actions these past few months.

Yes. He does.

"And Nyx and the others are all kicking themselves and –"

"Many are wounded when one they love is hurt," Gentiana interrupts gently before Luna goes on and names everyone in the Citadel. "You cannot cure that, my Oracle; not even with the purity of your light."

"I bet Mother could," Luna mutters mutinously.

"She could not. The Prince heals –"

"It's my fault!" Luna exclaims.

Gentiana blinks, taken aback. Clarus, standing some distance off and – he'll admit it – blatantly eavesdropping, blinks as well. How in the world did Luna reach that conclusion?

"It was not your presence which summoned the daemons," Gentiana points out. "The attack was aimed at Noctis."

"No, it wasn't," Luna sniffs, wiping at her face. "I looked at the security tapes from Wiz's –"

How did she get access to those?!

"– and they didn't try to kill Noctis after they hurt him. There was a moment – they could have – but they didn't and that was long enough for Cor to come back. I think they were trying to kill Aulea, and maybe a few of Noctis' friends. I think they weren't trying to kill us, they were trying to hurt us – I think they were trying to make us freeze up, just like we have!"

Clarus doesn't disagree. Cor said the same about the daemons’ behavior, right after the battle – hollow-eyed and guilty but sure of himself as he always is when it comes to war – and while Regis dismissed his words at the time, too worried about Noctis to see past that, Clarus doesn't think he's changed his mind about it, and there's no one who knows battle the way Cor does.

Clarus wouldn't have listened, either, in view of the evidence – Noctis was the only one hurt so badly – but Cyrella was there, too, his lovely warrior of a wife, and she said the same thing about the pause. Clarus reviewed the tapes himself, and reached the same conclusion: Noctis’ death was not the aim.

He hadn’t been sure what the aim was, except that he agreed that the daemons were far more aggressively pursuing Aulea and the other children – with intent to kill, the way they weren’t for Noctis.

But it hadn’t occurred to him that the goal of it might have been to ensure their paralysis. It’s an interesting insight, and one worth serious consideration.

“But that still does not make it your fault, little Oracle,” Gentiana says.

Luna’s sobs start up again. “But it is, Gentiana. I saw him.”

Gentiana’s eyes narrow even as Clarus’ head goes up in interest.

“Him?”

“There was a ‘taur there, a leopard ‘taur,” Luna says. “Standing by the building, watching everyone and smiling – he looked like a snake – well, no, snakes are nice, Iggy loves snakes –”

Ignis has in fact been petitioning for a pet snake for nearly a year now. Scientia is holding the line firm for the moment, but Clarus is concerned that she’ll crack and then everyone will want to play with the snake, and then next thing he knows Gladio will be asking for a snake of his own which - no. Absolutely not.

“He had shadows,” Luna bursts out after a few moments of contemplation. “I should’ve said something – I should’ve done something –”

Gentiana puts her hands on both sides of Luna’s face. “You have seen the Accursed,” she says.

“I don’t know if it’s him,” Luna says miserably. “But I should have – if I had –”

“If you had, no one would have understood,” Clarus says, stepping fully into the room at last. Luna looks at him, and Gentiana as well – the latter clearly unsurprised by his presence. “It is not your fault, Luna. You did not understand, we would not have understood, and there was nothing that could be done about it.”

Luna swallows thickly. “You think so?”

“I know it,” he says firmly, coming forward and putting a hand on her back. Gentiana nods slightly in approval. “Noctis will heal, and we will move forward. If this ‘taur is the Accursed – and we don’t know if he was, remember; he could have just been afflicted with the Starscourge, as too many 'taurs are these days – then we have an advantage now: we might be able to figure out who he is. But his aims will fail, for we will not stop.”

“Won’t we?” Luna asks bitingly. “Have we made any plans to go forward for any other Covenants?”

Clarus hesitates. “Cor is still going off to obtain the Arms,” he points out.

“And Noctis isn’t being allowed to absorb them!” Luna shoots back. “It’s the Astrals that he’s worried about, clearly – he must have found out what happened with Leviathan, and that’s why he is trying to stop us, and we are being stopped so it’s working –”

“Noctis needs time to heal,” Clarus says, but it sounds weak even to him.

“We’re not even making plans!” she exclaims. “It’s for a good reason – we all love Noctis, of course we do – but it’s freezing us – it’s playing right into his hands –”

“That is not so,” Gentiana says, and there’s a strange sort of fierceness in her face. “Love for one’s friends is a strength, not a weakness – and your quest yet continues, even though you do not know it. Come, my Oracle; we will go to the Prince and you shall see.”

And with that, Gentiana begins trotting towards Noctis’ bedroom, head held high and Luna and Clarus drawn along inexorably in her wake.

Clarus is – not entirely sure what is going on, actually. Messengers are only supposed to carry out the will of the Oracle – that’s why they’re called Messengers. Yet Gentiana is clearly not acting under orders from either Luna or Sylvia, but moving entirely on her own.

Luna looks equally bewildered.

There’s noise coming from Noctis’ room.

Prompto is barking, “Snow! There’s snow!”

Clarus frowns as he enters the room right behind Gentiana. “What do you mean, there’s –”

He stops, staring.

Regis points mutely out the window, where, in fact, there is snow.

In summer.

Aulea is staring. Cyrella is staring. The children are having paroxysms of joy – they’re all there, three guests dancing by the windows and even Noctis sitting up in the bed and clapping wildly, a giant grin on his face – and Nyx and Libertus and Hemera are sitting on the floor and staring, too. Baby Iris, currently in Cyrella’s arms, is not staring, but that’s because she doesn’t really care about much yet, being still a baby.

The only two people present not looking out the window are Cor and Scientia, and they’re staring instead at Clarus and Luna.

No, not at them. At Gentiana, who is walking up to the bed, her eyes fixed on Noctis.

“Young Chosen King,” she says, and her voice rings in the air. The temperature in the room abruptly drops considerably, and Gentiana – changes.

That is not a Messenger, is Clarus’ first thought, as stupid a thought as it is – stupid, because he knows exactly who that is.

Everyone knows that graceful form: the blue-tinted skin shining with an internal light until it glimmers white, the silver jewels and the silver hair, the purple lips and eyes, the pointed elf-like ears, the long graceful body of the Ceryneian Hind, the legendary White Hart that shines with the light of the silver moon upon the ice of the frozen river and the untouched field of newly fallen snow.

The Glacian.

Shiva.

“Young Chosen King, know this: you are lucky in your friends, who love you so,” Shiva says, and her eyes glow purple – and for just a moment, Noctis’ own eyes glow the same. “You have my blessing and my Covenant, young Chosen one. Now become strong once more and walk forward into destiny, knowing that you bear with you their love and loyalty: the greatest gift of all.”

She leans down and presses her lips to Noctis’ forehead, and then – really, there’s only one way to describe it – explodes into a shower of snowflakes.

Everyone stares as the room slowly clears.

Shiva is gone.

“Wait,” Gladio suddenly says, breaking the silence. “Is that why Libertus says ‘Glacian’s tits’ instead of –”

“Gladiolus!” Cyrella yelps. “Watch your language!”

“Oh fuck,” Libertus says, then turns bright red. “Uh, I mean – oh crap – no, wait –”

The entire room bursts out laughing. Somewhat hysterically.

“Three for three,” Cor says to Scientia.

“What’s that mean?” Clarus asks, having edged over to them. Luna has thrown herself over to Noctis, who looks much better – healthier, bright-eyed, and much more animated than he has been, the fear of the attack seeping out of him as he glows with the remaining effects of the Glacian’s blessing. She’s talking avidly about Gentiana, waving her hands in the air excitedly. “Three for three Astrals?”

“No,” Scientia says, rolling her eyes. “Three for three Astral Covenants achieved through what Cor here has been calling ‘the power of friendship.’”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Clarus objects. “That’s only a thing in children’s stories or television shows.”

Cor looks him in the eyes. He solemnly lifts a finger. “Noctis’ lessons with Bahamut and, according to Luna, the covenant was achieved upon making friends with him through playing thumb war.” Another finger. “Leviathan with Prompto, jointly lecturing the goddess about being nice to people, as learned in kindergarden.” A third finger. “Shiva just said explicitly that she was giving hers because Luna demonstrated how much Noctis is beloved. Ergo: three out of three.”

Clarus covers his face. “Oh Six,” he says. “We really are trapped in a children’s novel, aren’t we?”

“Did you really expect anything else from a Prophecy announced when Noctis was four?” Scientia says, then shakes her head. “Well, at least we can now start planning on going for either Titan or Ramuh next, and we don’t have to go all the way to Niflheim to try to commune with the Glacian’s corpse in the Ghorovas Rift.”

“Now that is good news,” Clarus says, brightening. “Also, should – should something be done about the snow?” He nods at the window, where it’s still coming down.

“Yes,” Regis says, coming over to them. “We should.”

They all look at him.

He grins, looking younger already: still older than he looked before the accident, but not so old and tired as he has been looking these last few months.

“I was thinking snowmen,” Regis says. “Or snowball fights.”

“Snow angels!” Noctis shouts from his bed, and insists on being taken out in his wheelchair for just that purpose.

As they all head outside, Clarus hangs back to take a look at Umbra. "Good boy," he murmurs to the dog, reaching out to scratch him under the chin as he's found Umbra likes best, "you'd tell me if you're hiding anything like that, right?"

Umbra barks and wags his tail, which Clarus very sincerely hopes means 'don't worry about it.'

(He's really not sure he can handle another Astral hiding inside the supposedly secured Citadel.)

It starts, like so many of these things do, by accident.

Apollonia Scientia is a lawyer by both profession and inclination; her career is, next to her son and certain recipes she developed herself, the pride and joy of her life. It provides her with fascinating factual scenarios, mysteries to delight her mind, and the opportunity to acquaint herself with a wide range of interesting people – her present circle of friends being among those.

Apollonia does not deceive herself: she is not precisely the sort of person who makes or keeps friends easily. She is, by all general measurements, a genius: her brain moves fast (too fast) and she requires regular variety to feed it. Her conversation, when relaxed, has a tendency to jump tracks and speed ahead in what others have called a confusing manner; her alternative approach is slower, but has a tendency to come off (to others) as arrogant.

This does not make her many friends.

But as to her career: ah! She is widely respected, and her advice is sought after throughout Insomnia, and even Lucis beyond. It is entirely satisfactory a trade for her, and she would not give away her unique way of thinking for the world.

She will concede, however, that she sometimes has difficulty turning it off.

Usually this is quite helpful – she can work late into the night without complaint – but she has, at times, been found that others consider her to be something of a bore when she explains something quite simple in too complex or technical a manner.

And she reads everything.

She knows very well that it is rather impolite of her to buzz around other people's desks – shockingly impolite, really, enough to make her mind start murmuring about invasions of privacy and trespass law – but when she has made the mistake of forgetting her work tablet back at the office (she didn't forget it, she lent it to Demetrius because he needed something with admin access and he hasn’t given it back, possibly in a misguided attempt to get her to relax - as if that's his responsibility as a junior partner, which it is most certainly not) and got herself settled in to watch the children with only a mystery novel to entertain herself (she finishes it in half an hour – very disappointing end, she guessed who it was at once and there was no proper set up for the culprit whatsoever), she find herself growing rather desperate for, well, anything to do.

"Would you like some help with that?" she asks Hemera Ulric, who is a charming girl (not as charming as her own Luna, of course, though really Apollonia must do better at remembering that Luna is not, in fact, hers) and who was kind enough to offer to do some of her paperwork in the playroom to keep Apollonia company.

Hemera likes children a great deal. Apollonia – and she knows that it's rude – assumes that her deafness helps a great deal in this regard.

Not all children, she has found, are as mature and voluntarily well-mannered as her Ignis.

Hemera is also, however, rather awful at paperwork, so perhaps she came less out of a desire to help watch over the children than a far more reasonable desire to receive assistance – Apollonia helped her brother Nyx with his paperwork last week due to a similar boredom-related situation – and the theory is no sooner thought than borne out, judging by how quickly and gratefully Hemera hands over the documents.

It is a mutually agreeable situation: Hemera has the assistance she desires, and Apollonia has something to do, and they are able to sit in peace together to quietly supervise as the children play some sort of racing game (fourth edition, multiplayer, design-your-own-car – Apollonia has already read all the rules from the set-up guide, twice).

At least Hemera's paperwork has the benefit of being far more interesting that her brother's: as an accommodation for her deafness, she gets transcripts of meetings (apparently people have trouble remembering to look at her and speak clearly, which doesn’t seem like it’s all that hard), and she apparently has a habit of printing out her emails to assist in filling out her paperwork.

There’s no reason to read it all, of course, but Apollonia can’t resist her deeply engrained lawyer’s habits.

After all, one of the lesser-known aspects of law is, of course, the nigh-endless review of documents: listening to recorded phone calls, reviewing emails, checking meeting minutes, confirming calendars...nothing escapes the fine-toothed comb of the investigating lawyer, and no lawyer worth their salt (whether barrister, solicitor, or general lawyer) escapes the eternal grinding process of looking through thousands and thousands of them that constitutes a major part of the life of a young lawyer.

Perhaps it's that experience. Perhaps it's intuition. Perhaps it's that genius brain, unable to turn off even in moments of relaxation.

Whatever it is, Apollonia finds herself slowing as she fills in Hemera's weekly report – slower and slower – until she finally stops, the work incomplete.

"Is there a problem?" Hemera signs at her, looking anxious. "Something I can help with?"

"No," Apollonia says, frowning down at the paperwork. She can't quite put her finger on what's bothering her – something about the meeting transcript, perhaps, since it's raw machine transcription of live events, not human-derived, and therefore less filtered.

She has read many meeting minutes in her time, and even more transcriptions of phone calls. There's nothing wrong here, no; nothing obviously wrong. On a surface read, everything is just fine – even on a deeper read, one would be hard pressed to explain to anyone why there is anything problematic in here.

And yet.

Apollonia's experience has shown her that explicitly incriminating statements – smoking guns, as they're often called – are rare, and wrongful innuendo far more common. But, of course, identifying what, exactly, constitutes wrongful innuendo is a mighty task: people who know they are being recorded tend towards caution, though never as much caution as they truly need to have, and it is only through the intensive process of review and re-review that the truth can be gleaned by those with the wit (and the mandate) to find it.

This is assuming, of course, that there even is some sinister truth here to be had, which there might not be. The records are fine. There is nothing here that she can point to and say shows a definitive sign of a problem.

And yet.

Apollonia checks her watch – yes, good, it's just the time she thought it was – and belatedly answers Hemera's question. "No problem at all. Hemera, could you watch the children for a few minutes? I want to go ask someone a question."

"No problem," Hemera signs, looking deeply confused.

"And can I borrow these?"

"Go ahead."

Apollonia gathers up the paperwork and trots off, her hooves clopping on the tiled floor.

She finds Regis, Aulea, and Clarus in Regis' office, as she expected – they always retreat for a short planning meeting in between the afternoon sessions.

They all look up when she lets herself in.

"I was looking through some Kingsglaive paperwork earlier," she says, forgoing both greeting and small talk. She's never seen the point in any of that; it does nothing but impede a person from getting what they want out of a conversation quickly and efficiently for the benefit of both sides.

"You really need to stop doing their paperwork for them," Aulea says, because the Queen is very sharp and very observant. "They already like you, you know."

"I need something to do when I lack work," Apollonia says firmly. Sharp as she is, some things Aulea simply does not understand; the fact that Apollonia would never demean herself by trading work for friendship is one of them. The truth is, she really does get that bored. "Demetrius seems intent on not letting me take my cases out of the office; I suspect a plot. However, that is not what’s important here."

"Oh?" Regis says, pressing his lips together in a badly suppressed smile. "What is important then?"

"I would like your approval to start pulling documents for an internal investigation," Apollonia says.

They all blink at her.

"...into what?" Clarus asks. He's suspicious of lawyers. Apollonia can't blame him - as First Minister, most of the lawsuits against the government ultimately come to him to ask questions about government activity.

"Is there something wrong with Hemera's paperwork?" Regis asks. He's sharp, too.

"No, that's fine," Apollonia says dismissively. "It's inside the paperwork itself."

"What?" Aulea asks. "I don't think I understand."

"Did you find a problem?" Regis asks.

"Not yet," Apollonia says. Whatever moments of hesitation she might have had, she had before coming to this room; she does not second-guess herself, as a general rule. "There's nothing in there that is explicitly problematic. But having conducted quite a few internal investigations, I think – I believe – that there might be something in there."

"Something significant enough to do an internal investigation?" Clarus asks skeptically. "Those are expensive – disruptive – interviews and lawyers everywhere – bothering everyone -"

"I was thinking something a touch more discreet," Apollonia says dryly. "Emails, phone records, meeting minutes – focusing the initial review on documents instead of interviews. Minimal disruption involved: in fact, ideally, the individuals in question need not even be aware that an investigation is ongoing. And, of course, it may ultimately be nothing. I admit that I'm acting primarily on instinct."

"Your instinct?" Regis says, arching his eyebrows. "My dear, that's as good as gold to me. You have my permission to proceed – Clarus, can you see to it that she gets what she needs?"

"Will do," Clarus says. Apollonia is pleased: his tone indicates that he does not disagree with Regis' decision, and Aulea is nodding as well. "You'll need to keep us updated with what you find –"

"If anything," Apollonia interjects.

"- and when you find what it is you're looking for," he concludes, arching his own eyebrows at her. She wonders if he got the expression from Regis or vice versa; regardless, his words are an excellent expression of his confidence in her (she trusts she will bear it out) that comes from their now years of working together.

"How expansive a review do you want to do?" Aulea asks, already focusing on the logistics. "The military generally? High level officers? One of the specific branches? Or –"

"The Kingsglaive," Apollonia says, and even as she says it, it feels right. She's on the right track, wherever that track may lead. "I want to investigate the Kingsglaive."

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sirpoley · 7 years ago

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On Towns in RPGs, Part 5: Building a Playable City

In the first article in this series, I embarked on an ill-defined quest to figure out what, if anything, a town map is actually for in tabletop play.

In the second, I took a look at the common metaphor comparing towns to dungeons—unfavourably.

In the third, I proposed an alternate metaphor: that cities are more like forests than dungeons.

In the fourth, I looked at how forests are used in D&D to see what we could use when thinking about cities.

Now, we're going to get to the nuts and bolts of designing cities for use in D&D.

Think In Terms of Districts, not Distance

No player is ever going to remember, or care about, the actual distance between their current location and the tavern they're trying to get to. Similarly, they won't remember, or care about, the roads they have to cross to get there.

The absolute most you can hope for is that they'll remember and care about some of (but not all of) the neighbourhoods they have to go through. In Terry Pratchet's Ankh-Morpork, the Shades is an extremely memorable and dangerous area. Like Pratchett's characters, players are going to avoid it wherever possible and yet always find that they have to go through it. Planescape: Torment's Hive and Fallout: New Vegas's Freeside have similar qualities. If you grimly tell the players: "the quickest way to the princess is through—oh, dear—the Shades," they'll have a reaction to it.

Don't overdo it with districts; keep the number small enough for them to be memorable. I'd recommend seven as an absolute maximum, but as few as three is perfectly acceptable. Lantzberg, from City of Eternal Rain, only used three (one each for lower, middle, and upper class—end elevation). A district can be as big as you like; feel free to simply scale them up for larger cities.

Forget Thee Not House Hufflepuff

It's no secret that in JK Rowling's Harry Potter series, only two of the four houses matter at all. If you're not Gryffindor or Slytherin, you're lucky to get any screentime at all. However, if they were simply cut from the series, then Hogwarts would feel terribly small, as if it were built solely for Harry to gallivant around in, and not part of a living, breathing world. Your city can't just have people to tell your players who to kill and people to be killed, it needs someone to clean up the mess after, also. From a narrative standpoint, these people don't matter, and will rarely be mentioned, but they can be used to pad your world out. When dividing up your map into districts, include a few that, as far as you're concerned, will never see an adventure, and give it maybe one or two notable characteristics. These are areas that are primarily residential, or involve industries not relevant to adventure (i.e., anyone other than an alchemist, blacksmith, or arcane university). Feel free to leave these places utterly devoid of points of interest.

In the adventure written for Lantzberg, for instance, there's little to no reason to ever visit the castle at the peak of the hill. It's there for verisimilitude (someone has to be in charge) and for the GM to hook later adventures to (which I'll elaborate on in my next point), but mainly it's just there to make the city seem larger. Similarly, most of the buildings in Castleview are manors of rich and important citizens, each one of which might have any number of use for a band of adventurers, but only a handful are actually fleshed out. After all, it would hardly feel like a living, breathing city if every single building was tied into a single adventure, would it?

Gaming is full of Hufflepuff Houses: the 996 Space Marine chapters that aren't lucky enough to be Ultramarines, Blood Angels, Dark Angels, or Space Wolves; D&D fiends that are neither lawful nor chaotic, Morrowind's Houses Dres and Indoril, and any of Homeworld's Kushan other than Kiith S'jet. This isn't laziness; they're there for a reason: they make the world feel larger.

Leave Room to Grow

Try to design a city large enough, and versatile enough, that once the current quest is wrapped up, you can inject some more content into it without serious retconning. This is part of where your Hufflepuff-tier-neighbourhoods come in—maybe one of them has been under the heel of a violent gang the whole time, but the party never found out because they never went there. Once the players have started to clear out your adventure ideas and points of interest, there's still plenty of room to pump some more in without the city bursting like an over-inflated balloon.

The map I posted earlier probably represents the upper limit of how detailed you should make your city. A GM could run a few more adventures out of Lantzberg, but a long-running campaign would probably benefit from a bit more room to breathe.

A Few Key Details

What are the kinds of things a DM really needs to know about a city? D&D3.5 had little statblocks for cities and settlements that broke down the demographics of different areas, but that's probably more granular than is actually necessary. Remember—every bit of detail that you include has the potential to distract the GM from finding the fact they actually need. It isn't for instance, particularly important to know that 12.5% of a neighbourhood's population are halflings while 54% are elves, but it might be useful to know that a neighbourhood has a notably large elf population and an often-overlooked halfling minority.

Who are the Watchmen that the Watchers Watch?

One infamously common thing that comes up in D&D is the city watch. It's shadow looms large over every action the party, and your villains, will take, so it's worth thinking about them a little bit. Its best to err on the side of making them too weak rather than too strong, as a powerful, well-organized law enforcement group can really put a damper on the opportunities for adventure. The counter-argument is that if the city watch isn't strong enough to threaten the party, then the party effectively has the run of the city; my preferred answer to this problem is to give the local lord a powerful knight or champion who can be used as a beat-stick against major threats to law and order (like the PCs) if need be, but can plausibly be busy enough with other problems to leave some for the party to handle.

When deciding who the local authorities are, almost anything you can come up with is more interesting (and historically plausible) than a centralized, professional police force. Here's a few examples:

A militia organized by local guilds

A local gang that provides protection in exchange for money and doesn't want outsiders muscling in on their turf

A semi-legitimate religious militant order

A mercenary group funded by a coalition of wealthy merchants (who just so happen to overlook their own crimes and corruption)

Don't get too bogged down in their stats; just pick a low-level NPC from the back of the Monster Manual and write down who they work for. Different neighbourhoods can share the same organization, but try to prevent a single organization from policing the entire city.

By breaking up law enforcement by district, you also prevent the entire city dogpiling on the party when they break a law, like you see in video games. If the party robs a house in the Ironworker's District, they can lay low in the Lists, where the Ironworkers' Patrol has no jurisdiction, until the heat dies down.

Points of Interest!

All those numbers you see scattered over D&D cities? Now's the time to add them. Each one should correspond to a description in a document somewhere. These descriptions can be as long or as short as you wish. For example, on the short end, #1 from Lantzberg just has this to say:

However, and I won't get into too much detail for fear of spoilers, some of those numbers are elaborate, multi-page dungeons.

While you should endeavour to keep the number of districts low, there is no ceiling to how many points of interest you should put into the city. Don't burn yourself out. If you can come up with six, put in six. If you can come up with fifty, put in fifty.

A point of interest can be anything from a scenic overlook to a toll bridge to an elaborate sewer system packed with kobolds and giant rats and treasure. They can be as fleshed out or as minimal as you are comfortable with. There's a sweet spot that varies from GM to GM, as if you include too much detail you suffer from information overload as the party approaches the point of interest (sixteen pages of description, for instance, for a single shop is less than helpful), while too little information might lead to you having to do too much on the fly. I like maybe one to three sentences per point of interest, or per room in a point of interest if it is important enough to warrant its own map (I typically only map dungeons).

Random Encounters

I'll write a series on handling random encounters later, but for now, breaking up encounters by district is a convenient way to do it. More dangerous districts, for instance, might have muggers or even monsters that attack (especially at night). If you're going to use random encounters in your campaign, creating a table for each district lets you use your local colour to affect actual game mechanics. Castleview, for instance, is very safe due to constant patrols by the Lady-Mayor's Watch, while the flooded Lists are full of man-eating fungi, ghouls, criminals, and who knows what. This lets you follow the age-old advice to "show, don't tell." You don't have to say "this area is full of crime," you can show the players this by throwing some criminals at them.

This post has already gone on way longer than intended. Next time, we'll use what we've learned to answer the original question and make better town maps.

#D&D #RPGs #D&D5e #OnTownsinRPGs

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shima-draws · 7 years ago

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★ SIMULATOR AU MASTERPOST ★

Well, here it is! You all have been asking for it--the ultimate Sim AU guide!! Below is everything that you need to know about the AU. Thanks for all of your amazing support ^^

So what exactly is the Sim AU? The Simulator AU, shortened to just the Sim AU, (sometimes also referred to as the AI AU) is a canon divergence to the end of season 2 of Voltron. However unlike the last episode Team Voltron actually defeats Zarkon in battle definitively, managing to destroy his empire and free the universe from his reign. Prior to the final battle, for unknown reasons Lance asks Pidge to create a very complex simulator installed with all of their memories and tons of other data. He also has her create a simulated version of himself, a highly advanced Artificial Intelligence program containing all of his memories, personality, appearance and abilities. This AI version of Lance is given one task, programmed into his very core and is his sole reason for existence—protect Lance’s most important person. Later on this person is revealed to be Keith, and during the final fight Keith is gravely injured and put into the simulator (which also serves as a healing and escape pod) and is shot out into space to protect him from further injury while the other Paladins finish up the final fight. Keith awakens inside the simulator, thinking that he’s still in the real world with Lance, and back on Earth after having won over the Galra empire. However this is all a ruse to protect him from the truth, as he is being kept company by the AI version of Lance while the real one and the rest of Team Voltron have mysteriously disappeared. Soon after the simulator begins to malfunction and Keith crash lands into a planet, he is thrown into a crazy battle against the Galra uprising, the remains of the Galra empire, and is accompanied by lookalike versions of all of his friends and a now-physical embodiment of AI!Lance. The AU is basically a tale of all of his adventures falling in love with the AI and getting into crazy shenanigans with his new but familiar comrades along with the Galra Resistance.

The rest is under the read more to save space!

What’s the background on AI Lance? AI Lance, as previously stated, was created to protect Keith and serve as a moderator over the simulator. After Keith wakes up on an alien planet and encounters the lookalikes of Pidge and Hunk, the two of them work to make a physical body (a highly advanced robot, basically, think Westworld) for Lance’s consciousness to be put into. Once Lance gains a physical body, he has the same appearance of the original Lance but with a few minor quirks. Exposed wires poke out of the back of his neck and when referring to himself and his actions he often relates them back to his internal systems, all machinery and mechanical parts. He frequently gets checkups by Katy and Hunk so that they can update his systems and check his inner circuits to make sure everything’s running okay. Due to this the three of them become quite close, similar to how the original Hunk, Pidge and Lance were all friends back at the Garrison. Throughout the AU Lance struggles immensely with his identity, not wanting to be labeled as a copy of the original Lance and wanting to form his own identity outside of that. He constantly battles within himself, asking “Am I Lance or am I just me? I don’t know” and that struggle is one of the main conflicts of the story!

What is Keith wearing around his neck? That is an AI cube! It serves as a storage system for all of an AI’s data and programming. Lance’s core is an AI cube, which serves as his “heart” and is basically what keeps him functioning. The one that Keith has is a gift from Lance and contains all of his backup data. Katy fashioned it into a necklace for him for safekeeping. So not only is it a sort of accessory (I mean, it’s really pretty to look at), but it’s something for Keith to protect since a lot of Lance’s extra data is in that cube.

Who are the lookalikes, exactly? The lookalikes are all similar to the original Paladins but with minor differences! It’s still a mystery why they’ve shown up and where the original Paladins have gone. On the roster, we have Katy, a Pidge lookalike but not disguised as a boy, Hunk, who isn’t even human but looks just like one, being of a mysterious alien race, Allura and Coran, both humans and the leaders of the Galra Resistance Army, and Shiro, an Altean with a tragic past. It’s difficult for Keith to meet these people, who so resemble his teammates, and have to completely reforge his bonds with them since they obviously aren’t the same Paladins he knew before. (But, well, at least he has Lance.)

Why can’t you reveal the secrets of the Paladins’ whereabouts and why Lance had Pidge make the simulator? Because I don’t want to give everything away! All of that information will soon be revealed in the story, so please be patient! Once that stuff is written out and explained I’ll update this post about those secrets I’m keeping.

Is there a fanfiction for this AU? Yes, there is! It’s called A World of Zeroes and Ones (the title is based off of a Vocaloid song of the same name) and starts out with Keith waking up in the simulator. Everything else about the background and Lance’s identity as an AI has yet to be revealed to Keith but he’ll figure it out soon! You can read it here over on Archive! It’s still in progress, updates are slow but I’m chugging away at them :’) Thanks for all the support so far! And yes, if it wasn’t obvious already I do have an actual storyline in mind for this AU, from start to finish I have the entire plot written out, it’s just a matter of getting down and actually writing the entire thing...!

Who is Error Lance? Error Lance is basically what I’ve dubbed an “evil” version of AI!Lance where he has completely malfunctioned and been corrupted beyond saving, his entire systems being reduced to an error code. In this mode he loses all sentience and thought, only being driven to destroy and cannot tell friend from foe. Error Lance is basically just a lost confused child who doesn’t know what he’s doing or who he is or why he exists—he only knows how to kill. This mode is usually triggered if something contradicts with his core programming and his reason for existence—Keith. If Keith is somehow injured horribly or even killed this will set Lance off and totally wipe out his systems; it reduces him to the errors that are caused by his reason for existence being compromised. The only thing that can successfully snap him out of this mode and restore him to his previous “version” before he was corrupted is Keith—therefore proving his reason to exist is still there. Hopefully that makes sense? It’s sort of hard to explain haha

Who is Zero? Zero is AI!Lance’s prototype, the original original first AI that Pidge created. (Hoh, you thought that our regular AI!Lance was the first? Nope!) Due to a whole bunch of malfunctions and bugs, Pidge scrapped the prototype and created a better version, which is the Lance we all know and love now. (I mean she can’t get it perfect on the first try it was her first time creating an Artificial Intelligence, especially one of this caliber!) She meant to delete the prototype permanently, but…a whole bunch of crazy stuff happened and interrupted the process so Zero was never actually fully deleted. He sleeps deep, deep within the simulator’s core data, only longing to meet Keith at least once, since that was the reason he was created. This poor kid. He’s really scary since he’s…a huge mess and just broken. Broken. But he honestly loves Keith and sincerely hopes for his happiness, even going so far as to use all of his power to help Keith and Lance when they get into sticky situations. Like original Lance, Zero is dismayed that Keith is in love with AI!Lance, considering Zero was supposed to be the one made for Keith, but was scrapped. Maybe one day he’ll get a happy ending...

What inspired this AU? The song Shelter by Madeon and Porter Robinson! The whole idea for the simulator originated from the animated video for that song. You could say it’s become sort of the themesong for this AU haha

Can I repost the art of this AU? Nope, sorry! This AU is very very important and special and personal to me so I’m not comfortable with other people using the art from it or reposting on other sites. I appreciate your enthusiasm and support but I won’t be changing my mind about this;; Please don’t go against my wishes and repost it anyway, because if you do I’ll report you without any hesitation. Let me repeat: DO NOT REPOST ANYTHING REGARDING THIS AU ON OTHER SITES. This AU has only been shared on tumblr, so if you see any of the art for it on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, etc. please let me know right away!

Can I make fanart of this AU? YES!! Yes, please, please do! There is nothing I would like more! Please, if you do end up making fanart, tag this blog or submit it here, my submission box is always open! Either way I’m gonna want to show it off to everyone else and shout about it, so yes, it’s highly encouraged and greatly appreciated!

The AU so far:

The overall tag/The tag in chronological order

Introductory post Crashlanding Arm sword Lance Concept sketches and doodles No, my circuits are humming You can’t spell AI without Mcclain! System overheating. Love you! Katy doodles *Chirr* Valentine’s Day Dorks Pixel animations He’s glitching out of happiness! Happy birthday, Lance! The master of sarcasm Embarrassed kisses When will I be seen as myself? Laughing smooches Human Error Happy boy! Take your boyfriend and make a run for it Soulmate AU to the AU (this doesn’t have art, but a cute mini fic I wrote if the AU also involved soulmates as well!) Kisses kisses KISSES Lance, you’re sparking! Floorplan/layout of Lance and Keith’s room Error Lance appears! Smol Error boy (and Eruba) Happy birthday, Keith! (This also has a short fic attached to it too! It’s very very fluffy and sweet) Error boy Lance flirts with a mysterious boy?! Zero’s Introduction Would you kiss this sweet broken Zero boy? Zero dabs My sensors can’t handle this! Klance kisses Klance kisses KLANCE KISSES ,,˙͡ɥ͢ʇ̴ᴉ͘ǝʞ̡˙˙˙͞ƃu͡ᴉʇ̛ᴉ҉ɐ͟ʍ ͠ǝ͟q̵ ͢l̨l,I˙˙˙u̶oos̢ ̕n҉oʎ ɥʇᴉ̨ʍ ͟ʇ̡ǝǝɯ͟ ̧ǫʇ̶˙̵˙˙ʇ͞uɐ͘ʍ I ¿́no̕ʎ ̡ǝ̶ɹɐ˙˙̶˙͢ǝɹǝɥ͟M,̡, 100% Form In love in love in despair Favorite place with you (This one’s animated!)

I’ll update this post with any additional art I make as we go along!

And if you have any other questions, please, don’t hesitate to ask! I love talking about this AU, it’s my heart and soul ❤️

#Klance #Voltron #VLD #Keith Kogane #Lance Mcclain #Voltron Legendary Defender #Sim AU #Shima's AUs #HERE IT IS!! THE BIG OL MASTERPOST #Sim AU Masterpost #Thanks to all of you for your support?? Just. The fact that I've had to go and make a masterpost is really amazing I think #YA'LL ARE COOL...I LOVE YA #Shima arts #shima-draws #Long post

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