#wish 3. hmmm.... honestly a lot of my stuff is less stuff id wish for automatically just. stuff i dont have the time to earn on my own

[nihiltism]

ok Actually important question for u all. you are given three wishes. what do you do with them. you can't ask for more wishes and please assume the free wish ticket was found among a pile of riches because a million bucks is a boring answer

[vallikesgivinghugs]

Ooh sounds fun let's do it!

Under read more because y'know don't want people to have to scroll through all of that if they don't care.

1. IbisPaintX, honestly it was my first art program I ever actually used but now I'm FireAlpaca's bitch.

2.Oooh I personally really enjoy/have an easier time drawing front facing characters, profiles are so darn difficult.

3. Big bright and noticeable eyeshines i guess! Always been a thing for me, so my characters always have extra bright eyes. Or i guess eyes in general are a thing I kept from my kiddie days.

4. Crystaline stuff and MAGIC. I love them both so much but god can I not draw them for the life of me. And hair! But hair i'm starting to figure out!

5. Now that I think about it's pretty darn close id I do say so myself! Like 40 to 45% i post online (mostly on discord) and then 55 to 60% i keep to myself!

6. When I draw cats it's a lot of inspo from different warrior cats fandom big names but in general anime is my big inspo!

7.Traditional painting! I tried painting and it's just not for me but I love the way it looks and how many thing people can do with it!

8. God the amount of stories and characters that I've just left as wips in immense. I have adhd, can't finish stuff for shit.

9. Usually if it's one character it's 'character name' and then you add a number or a descriptor (aka smile or smth). Otherwise it's just like 2 or 3 words of what the drawing is. And then I group those in like 'finished art' 'wips' etc!

10.Ooh tough one. I do enjoy drawing poofy sleeved shirts or like long flowy dresses/skirts.

11.Ranges from romance music playlists to true crime and everything in between! I just need a background noise honestly. Doesn't really matter what the noise is.

12. Face. I draw floating heads on the regular.

13. Junji Ito. His style is just so freakin' interesting and his grasp on anatomy is just amazing! But, personally I'm not the biggest horror/gore fan so I don't actually read his stuff. I just find his art nifty when I see it.

14.Polkadots or stripes. Love that stuff.

15.In my room personally but I used to go out to parks and draw there when I was younger.

16.Lineart. everyone is always sayin' stuff like 'Wow your lines are so nice and clean' and while I do agree that it's one of my strengths personally my lineart always looks rigid and wrong to me. I tend to prefer my sketches and nowadays I usally clean those up and use 'em as the lineart.

17.Nope. i completely forget that my body has bodily functions when i draw. I get invested X3

18.Not many! Honestly it's less that I break them on purpose and more that I'm clumsy and drop stuff all the time but on the regular I try my best not to break stuff.

19.Flowers and bushes!

20. Armor of any kind, love me some shiny metals and belts and buckles.

21. I really like the disney style (both 2d and 3d) and I'm really a big fan of 3d animation in anime (studio orange with Trigun Stampede and Land of the Lustrous have my heart)

22.none I live on the edge. (Don't do this, please stretch your hands I'm just a dumbass)

23.I use so many layers and so many of them are multiply and add it's not even funny.

24.Yes. stock images are really good for poses and stuff. I often makes collages of multiple of them to get what I want exactly.

25. Hmmm, i dunno if that's happened to me actually.

26.Nothing comes to mind but i'm sure it's happened!

27.I draw a bunch of circles. And sometimes doodle like different body parts or sonas of mine loosely.

28.I participated in the artfight of 2023! It was a good time.

29.live action tv shows and just non-animated movies/stuff in general! I can write fanfic wips for days but drawing them? Nah.

30.hmmm can't think of any? I probably have one or two that I wish got more attention but usually the attention my art gets is pretty on par with what I' expecting!

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[comicteaparty]

March 15th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on March 15th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Anarchy Dreamers by Emily Ree.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing Anarchy Dreamers by Emily Ree~! (http://anarchydreamers.com/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

✨Novasiri☄

Eff me, asking me to choose. Though I do have to say some of the more recent pages have been an utter feast for the eyes due to the nightmare itself out right causing everything to fly off the rails. both in an artistic standpoint, and general 'wtf-ery' for the characters. But, any scene with Koji is

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes, some of the more recent pages have been truly gorgeous. i might be biased because they kind of got a space/galaxy/nebula feeling going on

snuffysam

Yeah, it's extremely difficult to choose a scene. I liked the page where there was a poster in the background warning kids not to try and awaken on purpose to become beautiful, particularly combined with the scene were it was revealed that Luna did exactly that.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

My favorite scene! Hmmm. Admittedly, I came into Anarchy Dreamers pretty new - I'd heard of it, but not read it at all previously! Honestly? Issue 3 as a whole had to be. I love action scenes, don't get me wrong, but issue 3 really just... Works. It's fairly calm, the coloring's even more emotive than usual, and I feel like I really got a great idea of the characters and who they are while reading it. The pacing really worked for me, and I enjoyed getting a moment to learn about Koji and Tabbi's relationship. (As well as Crow and the others.) It was a great chance for me to get to know everyone as a new reader.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

@snuffy yeah i noticed that poster and really loved that detail. partly cause from the world was built up to that point i was like "do kids kill themselves to become dreamwalkers." that poster more or less answered my question in the most depressingly morbid way possible. @kabo Issue 3 was really nice because of how laid back it was. It's always good to balance action with stuff like this, and I think it was good to give all the charas some more development and let us, as readers, become friends with them.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Right! Issue 3 also made me a bit more curious about the Miho and Koji relationship -- what is going on there, and uh... Which of the girls is his actual girlfriend? :3

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Helloooo.... I didn't get all the way through, only into issue 4 thus far. ^_^;; So I don't know from recent pages.

snuffysam

I feel like Tabbi is the only one he considers himself having a relationship with, but other girls keep hitting on him regardless

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

clearly its both O_O Koji playing the field

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Favourite from what I read to that point was the kiss scene, where Tabbi's memories came back. It was sweet and there was good imagery with the shattering and all.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Miho FYI: http://www.anarchydreamers.com/comic/page-23

And yeah!! I really like how Tabbi is visualized each time she gets her memories. Though I'm unclear on if it's the blessing of the dream god or if it's just them recovering. (Also the imagery when Tabbi starts delving into her memories... HMMMMM)

snuffysam

he may also be an idiot

wishjacked

I've always loved that first Nightmare fight with the horse skeletons and the hospital!! It really stands out to me as the moment when we get hints of how weird this world is going to get, and I love the hints at backstory and all the questions about the Dreamgod.

Also, ya know, I'm just a sucker for skeletons. I say that every time we read a comic with skeletons in it hahaha

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

@sam -- I thought he was an idiot at first, too, but Page 205 might indicate that it's not quite that? http://www.anarchydreamers.com/comic/page-205

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I wondered if there was some connection to the dream Koji had earlier about her, where Tabbi had both eyes.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so im going to insert a theory here early on to more seriously answer about miho. i get the impression miho is his girlfriend but point out that the six have serious memory issues so its possible that tabbi and koji had a thing but when everyone came back miho swooped in and was like "koji lets date tabbi who no thats silly."

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

That's true! But they did connect in the hospital, too, so maybe Miho was the original girlfriend

I dunno, Koji's clearly doing something, and I'm reaaaaaaaaally wondering when Miho's going to make a nightmare.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Props for the cat ears. I hope there's lots of kitties.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

On that thought, I feel like this comic has a lot of influence both artistic and otherwise from things I like -- like Panty and Stocking and Madoka (A little bit, anyway) So there's a good meshing of elements into one which seems to work in its favor

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ah but since i havent answered fave scene i second wishjacked a bit. i liked the first nightmare cause i think it painted a clearer picture about nightmare protocol and i liked the dream god. cause the dream god is a weirdo.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

The goose?

(Always awkward when you get goosed.)

✨Novasiri☄

I don't trust that damn goose XD

snuffysam

i trust the goose

i trust the goose with my life

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

The goose is like "yeah no, your problem now"

wishjacked

you can't make me trust the goose, I won't do it for 1 second

snuffysam

he gave them gifts!

maybe

perhaps

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Does the goose KNOW what'll happen? like, if they beat nightmares, is it automatic that these six in particular will get blessed? OR IS HE ACTUALLY BLESSING THEM

nobody knooooooows

maybe he's a hallucination

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe the goose was the original nightmare.

snuffysam

maybe the goose is a weirdly advanced nightmare that attacks really subtly. but one day, FOOM!

wishjacked

bad gods can give out gifts, I'm pretty sure.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so the dream god is a hallucination within a hallucination? cause i would argue nightmares are hallucination like

Emily Ree

Hi guys!! -walks in 15 minuets late with starbucks-

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

snuffysam

hey! i'm guessing you're the author?

Emily Ree

I am!

snuffysam

given that you have the same name and a profile pic from the comic?

Emily Ree

haha

I'm EMily, nice to meet you guys!

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Nice to meet ya!

snuffysam

hello! we were just talking about your goose!

Emily Ree

:3

snuffysam

A Goose We Can All Trust

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hihi! I'm a bit behind. ^^

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thank you for coming emily~!

wishjacked

Hello, Emily!! Your comic is Really Good

snuffysam

it's an extremely good comic

wishjacked

And I JUST SAID I COULD NEVER TRUST THE GOOSE, snuffy!!!!!!!! not everyone is fooled by his kindly subway intercom demeanor

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Goose is too much into television, maybe.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf id trust the goose over a lot of other ppl in this comic. its usually the friendly ones that are more dangerous. and the goose is suspicious so thus is clearly not the true suspicious one

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Yeah, I think I'd trust the goose over Sissy right now :'3

or well, in general.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Surely Miho is pure and good.

Emily Ree

Thank you guys! I was just reading back into the discussion. I'm loving the commentary, you guys picked up on so many things!!!

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

PFFF Miho is the next nightmare, I'm sure XD And it's gonna be worse for Tabby. Stabby. Stabitha.

✨Novasiri☄

:D hai Emily~

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

I actually laughed real hard at that joke XD

✨Novasiri☄

Stabby Tabbi, yes

Emily Ree

She's good at it

sTabbing

snuffysam

tabbi is a good girl who would never stab anyone!

much

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Cutting edge humour.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

She's got a sharp wit.

wishjacked

Bouncing off sTabbi, I just want to say I absolutely adore how the dreamers' abilities are protrayed

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

to be fair when you have to fight nightmares thats gonna be the A+ skill. so its not the worst nickname. cause if there was a nightmare and someone was like "you could stand behind this person or stabbi" im gonna stand behind the person with stab in the name.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Incidentally, the whole Miho pulling a sword out of a crotch... is that explained in the bit I haven't read yet? Is she like the new King Arthur?

snuffysam

it's explained that tabbi can give other people her weapons a couple pages later

though im not sure if miho took it intentionally, koji made it show up accidentally, or what

Emily Ree

She surprised it out of him

wishjacked

Tabbi is probably my favorite, but the whole cast's abilities all SO unique in the way they're portrayed. Always very visually entertaining.

ha yeah that part was surprising for me, too

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. According to the Dream God, Tabbi and friends were chosen to fight the Nightmares for a specific reason and are the only ones who can do it. In matching fashion, only Tabbi and friends seem to have a total memory wipe that they are struggling to recover. Do you think the group was chosen before the incident, or was there something about the incident that caused it? What does fighting the Nightmares have to do with their special version of memory loss (or are the two unrelated)? Does this relate to whoever caused the incident and why they did it? What is the Dream God’s end goal for having the Nightmares be fought? What other theories do you have about why Tabbi and friends have such a destiny (especially in regards to what Sissy might be up to)?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Right. I was just wondering why she'd give it to Miho I guess. Though I guess it could have been given to Koji.

I like Tabbi. It probably helps that I have a think for cheerleaders.

snuffysam

she stuck a sword in koji's crotch in case of emergencies

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Sounds hard.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Does Sissy have her memories? o_o And oh man. I honestly have no idea as to what really makes those kids different from the others, and I'm curious to find out more. Like, we know they all died -- but did all 170 kids die? From what I read it was a school shooting... Did... They all try to harm themselves?(edited)

we saw Tadgh's flashback...

snuffysam

in terms of the question, it might just be a coincidence? the gang hangs out together because they have shared experiences (i.e. no memories), and the goose is just messing with them

wishjacked

I've wondered a lot about this-- the reading comprehension loss and changing food names especially baffle me.

snuffysam

the incident was supposedly a school shooting, but they never found a gunman

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe they were all the last to die.

Maybe they were all the gunmen.

snuffysam

maybe the main characters all died in particularly brutal ways

something real repress-worthy

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Nah, Tabbi was killed for... reasons. Hmm.

The language and comprehension issues could just be braindamage. Maybe they were all hit in the head when they died?

or well, shot.

their deaths involved injuries to the brain.

snuffysam

could be, but that seems kind of mundane for the biggest mystery in the comic

wishjacked

The fact that they started regaining lost memories, etc, after their first successful mission is interesting... they hypothesize that it's a gift from the Dreamgod, which DOES imply that they could've had their memories back earlier, but the Dreamgod gets to decide when they get them back and he decided to wait until it was a reward...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh, I just understood the language thing to be forgetting certain English lessons.

And you can't really remember them no matter how hard you try.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah im skeptical its just brain damage cause i get the impression everyone is supposed to have some memory loss to an extent. its just tabbi and them are special in that its so lengthy and extreme.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

wishjacked: Interesting point. Maybe Dreamgod just knew that this is when the memories would start coming back anyway and is taking advantage of it.

snuffysam

to be fair, i imagine being dead for any amount of time, regardless of the cause, could cause some brain damage

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm not quite dead. I feel happy."

wishjacked

And the BEE GOOP THING, it KILLS ME. It's like the #1 think I spend time coming up with ideas about, hahaha. XD it's the little details that catch me every time, I swear.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

So, is it time for a conspiracy theory? I think it is. The Goose is really a nightmare that can traverse other nightmares. And it wants these kids to jack shit up so he can reign supreme. AND THE WORLD SHALL FEAR THE WRATH OF A SINGULAR CANADA GOOSE

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Made it to the end of Volume 1 now. I kinda like Devlin too.

wishjacked

well, canada geese are definitely the worst nightmare in my book, so that sounds legit

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

kabo plz dont joke about singular canada goose when i could spit out my soda on the computer to laugh. XD

snuffysam

nightmares can benefit some dreamers at the expense of others. the current nightmare is turning some kids into archangels and hierophants or whatever. though i'm not sure if that's particularly helpful, the goose could be doing something similar

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

You know it's true though!!! THE GOOSE MUST GO

but you can't make it. Because.... I mean. Have you ever tried to deal with those suckers? They will attack your car if they think it's a threat.

wishjacked

OH, I LOVE DEVLIN!! I have a really soft spot for the characters in this comic in general, they're all unique but I feel like they're all well developed enough that I can relate to each one.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

the bee goop thing really throws me for a loop. like of all the details thats in the forget zone thats the one that confuses me the most.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

http://www.anarchydreamers.com/comic/page-113 <- also this sequence. ...is that... Sissy? I just noticed.

(erm, on page 115.)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Devlin has the literal hotness going for her. ^.^ Yeah, it's nice that they all get some character time.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i was looking for that page and just wondered that too

cause the hair and outfit made me think sissy

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I admit when I see "Sissy" I have a tendency to think of "Scientific Railgun".

wishjacked

I guess because it seems like, with that the Bee Goop, they actually remember it correctly (y'know, Tabbi calls it honey and is corrected). It brings up the question.... what if they can't remember correctly because everyone else is wrong about reality, and they're right??? But that brings up SO many REALLY WEIRD questions...

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and i mean maybe the gunman was sissy but she killed herself and since the shooting was so massive there was no way to identify her separately from other victims

ya know part of me wondered that too

that the reality everyone came back to isnt reality

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

http://www.anarchydreamers.com/comic/page-116-2 Page 116 gives a hint as to how they all died though

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

You seem to be assuming there was only one gunman...

snuffysam

the goose also says "that was just one version of your story"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe they're all in Purgatory? O.o

snuffysam

@kabo yeah, exactly

Emily Ree

:3

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

HMMM.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe. maybe its why ppl have to semi be killed twice. kind of like those dreams where you dream you wake up but its not the actual wake up

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Possibly all the holidays from the old world just collided in April for the new one. No one remembers when they really were.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

The whole world is a dying dream? :3

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, they all have to take those pills, right? If you don't take the pills, do you return to reality...?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe. i mean itd explain things like why those pills exist in the first place. cause apparently they stop the soul from leaking out from the hints i get? but if thats the case who first thought of that. like who sat there and had time to R&D magic pills that stop dreamwalkers form doing w/e when their souls leak? and what did they do before? just cover people in duck tape?

wishjacked

based on how Tabbi treats herself............. yes

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, that's what they do, I think. There were knockoff pills, maybe someone was just experimenting around some day, found a way to preserve reality around them.

Also, not duck tape, goose tape.

wishjacked

honestly I can see every member of the gang trying to patch their souls with duct tape and Tadhg just CRYING

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Well, Tabbi was using bandages or something at one point.

Maybe they're chosen because their souls can go longer without needing more pills...?

snuffysam

tabbi's also got it worse than a lot of other dreamers. like, excluding that short time when her eye was normal, her soul was constantly leaking.

Emily Ree

I can give you guys some dreamwalker history. It's not in the comic at this point, but I share this pretty freely--- a lot of dreeamwalkers didn't make it for long after they first came back, especially if they were visible changed. If they/their family could hide their abilities, they'd likely go on to live a normal life, but imagine a kid with horns in, like, 17th century Europe. They didn't make it very long.

So, soul pills became a thing after people stopped... hunting them down

this has come up in side comics not on the website XD;

But it will come up in upcoming issues, especially as Tadhg starts being able to read more

wishjacked

love the fact that the ice cream shell of Tadhg is STILL the mom friend btw, that was a really good update. XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ahhhh. So this really has been going on for a while.

wishjacked

Oh, that makes sense!! I actually remember you saying that before. XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Some of the guest comics were a riot, incidentally.

snuffysam

i was working under the assumption that bringing people back was a more modern medical procedure, but that makes sense

wishjacked

And it definitely makes sense in like.... general human history.

Emily Ree

@snuffysam that is honestly a really interesting theory that I haven't heard before.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Don't go after Devlin for cute fire horns, that's rude.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

iiinteresting bit of history :3

Emily Ree

Medical intervention definitely helps

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

I wonder how long Dreamwalkers have been a thing, then...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I knew it was long enough for them to have stats on it (the 83% thing).

wishjacked

And medication!! Medicine does NOT happen overnight. And legal infrastructure! And books! And holidays with religious elements!!(edited)

Also, there's the historic cemetery that Sissy mentions was one of the first to allow dreamer burials...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ooooh, good catch.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Hey, I take some of that stuff with a grain of salt until confirmed. I mean, look at real life -- some stuff just... pops up and suddenly has a lot of power somehow. :'D Though I did miss the cemetary, admittedly

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It was a grave matter.

snuffysam

that's the biggest thing, yeah. being the first to do something like that wouldn't be particularly relevant unless dreamers have been around for over a century

wishjacked

That implies a pretty good amount of history, I think! I don't know much about cemetery historical status, but I'd guess it would have to be at least a hundred years old.

Yeah!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

id assume the duration of recorded history because of how normalized it is. since nobody bats an eye to whats basically magical zombies.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, I'm guessing it means teenagers can be a bit blase about death.

Maybe the gunman shooting up the school was some kind of government experiement?

(Or goose experiment?)

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Or it could have been another nightmare ✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 3. The world of the comic has a unique setup where people’s stresses can manifest into monsters and dying often means being reborn as a Dreamwalker and having a second chance at life. However, Dreamwalkers also face a heavy amount of discrimination from the general populace. Why do you think Dreamwalkers are so discriminated against? Is it their powers, the fact they’re “dead,” or is something else going on we don’t know about (such as a past event)? Why do you think some Dreamwalkers stabilize faster than others? Do you think the powers are randomly given or do they have something to do with the person in question (especially in Tabbi and friends’ case)? What others questions, theories, or comments do you have about Dreamwalkers or Nightmares?

maybe theres a nightmare god that took over sissy and made her do everything. a duck to rival the goose.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Two ducks.

snuffysam

well first, there's kind of the x-men thing where non-powered people are scared of people with powers

also, people don't like differences. and it's even harder to band together when you're not all different in the same way(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Wouldn't that normalize over time though? (glances at modern society) Never mind.

Maybe it's because they call religion into question. Like, was Jesus a dreamwalker?

snuffysam

i guess some people see it as unnatural, but if it's a thing that happens without medical intervention... i dunno

not sure if religion is entirely opposed to dreamers. there's a dreamer saint.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Not entirely, but some might be. Or maybe religion kind of imploded in the face of it. Just spitballing.

Like, if you have people walking around with "Tainted Souls" or something.

snuffysam

issue is, they've been around for ages.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

So have many modern religions that people are persecuting. Hm, this is getting a bit too real for my tastes.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

gasp!

fiction mirroring reality!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe dreamwalkers skew the medical profession.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

They sure do scare nurses...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

They do hate hospitals, right?

snuffysam

the main characters specifically do

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Well, in Tabbi's case, erryone was getting stabbed

snuffysam

but other people's experiences may vary

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe that's the source of their strength then. (shrugs)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

im leaning towards more basic thats its a powers thing. cause as much as i like reading superhero based things, i would not want an actual superhero who could destroy my city block living next door. not to mention depending on abilities that gives unfair advantages. like koji for instance. if he were to play football he could just do time shit to cheat and win.

like i feel thered be a huge list of rules specifically for dreamers to prevent unfair advantages

lest you get the cheeky ones who are like "you didnt say i couldnt do such and such in the rules "

snuffysam

maybe there are dreamer-specific leagues?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It's something they have to test for at the Olympics.

snuffysam

though cheer is a sport, and there are both dreamers and non-dreamers there.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah and at the end it varies too, their powers and what advantages they might convey. for instance, stabbing will not help tabbi win cheer unless she physically takes out the competition.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I dunno, cheerleaders with knives, kinda hot. 9/10.

snuffysam

i don't think the judges give bonus points for knives

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Awww.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm back to the pulling them from crotches thing. I may have issues.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

to be fair that was a weird moment. i will remember sword from the crotch for a long while

snuffysam

especially since there's still a hole in his pants

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

How did Tabbi manage to get that there.

and when lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

partly cause it reminded me of utena

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: OMG, so true.

Now I ship Miho and Tabbi.

Seriously though, is it possible to have a good Nightmare, you think?

For that matter... Dreamwalkers actually dream. We've seen that. Do they have nightmares that aren't Nightmares?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is a tricky question

if anybody can have a nightmare that isnt a nightmare

ie can dream the dream but not manifest the evil

id assume maybe to a minor degree?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

In which case, maybe that's something Tabbi et al can do....?

Emily Ree

Dreamwalkers can have normal, not monster creating, dreams and nightmares. But the issue at hand is when the feelings from a normal sleeping dream seep into reality

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Just like their souls :3

Emily Ree

:3

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Kinda like Koji's dream about Tabbi's eye did. ^^

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hmm

ill have to sit on that information and ponder

but powers. i want to assume the powers give some hint about something and theyre not just random. like devlin's make sense cause shes got a fiery personality.

Emily Ree

Oh yes!

powers are very personal

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Tabbi seems to have some connection to the knives and stuff when her brother was taunting her.

(I'm still gradually reading in the background here.)

Emily Ree

Yes!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Possibly she used to stab televisions.

Emily Ree

ahahahahahahaha

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

And she's never stabbed since those days.

Emily Ree

I just wanted to say, I'm really enjoying this conversation. You guys are looking at all the details and it warms my heart!

A lot of the feedback I get on Dreamers is "it's weird!"

So, thank you all for really looking

✨Novasiri☄

Its a good weird~

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes good weird. cause weird isnt always bad

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Life is weird.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i want to go metaphorical with tabbi. that the knives are a symbolism of her desire to keep other ppl away from her because she doesnt want to get hurt or something

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(As is returning to life, apparently.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

like in the hospital

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hmmm, like maybe everything's symbolic, the way it seems to be with Dev?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

possible

crow's are the ability that throw me for a loop tbh cause everyone i can bs and debate a reason. crow i cant fathom why his powers are what they are.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

So there must be some connection to why she can cause blades to appear for other people too. Maybe she doesn't stab, but she always feels like she gets cut down?

Who was Crow again? ^_^;;

snuffysam

electric

wishjacked

BRO!!! HOW COULD YOU FORGET CROW, BRO!!!!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

http://www.anarchydreamers.com/cast

Emily Ree

sparky crutches boy

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 4. Nightmares, fears and problems brought to life, are a regular manifestation within the comic’s world. In order to combat this, only the Dreamwalker Guard is legally allowed to deal with the situations. However, insofar, the Dreamwalker Guard has proven ineffectual compared to Tabbi and friends. Why do you think the Dreamwalker Guard is so ineffectual? Is there too much red tape that prevents them from helping? Is it simply apathy preventing them from caring about the situation? Or is it something else entirely? Speaking of which, do you believe the Dreamwalker Guard is hiding something about what happened at Sacred Heart High School or are the suspicions others have just a red herring?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh, right, right. I'm just bad with names, you know that. Ahh, so it could be that he was always tied to his electronic gizmos.

wishjacked

I feel like Crow's ability fits him really well but I can't articulate a good reason to feel that way

He just has an ~electric personality~

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Dreamwalker Guard's just kinda jaded.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

no no i made that joke in my head already an hour ago we cant speak it aloud XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Might spark something.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

they are jaded but that is some extreme jading. like the equivalent of a cop going "oh hey look over there those people are getting shot. lets just eat these donuts and watch." XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe Dreamwalker guard can't afford to pay for property damages, so they don't get involved.

wishjacked

I thought one of the recent scenes where Olga (I think it was Olga, I actually didn't reread this part recently haha) called the Dreamer Guard and they were completely uninterested until Sacred Heart was mentioned was........ an interesting scene

Emily Ree

:3 (it was Olga!)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Is there one of those in every city maybe? Could be a competition or something.

snuffysam

a competition to be ineffective?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hey theres been weirder competition

but yes that scene was telling. that the minute sacred heart is mentioning suddenly its interesting

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

A competition to spend the least or save the most money or something. All they've had to shell out for is the donuts.

Or maybe it's all a front for some secret stuff they're doing downstairs in the basement.

wishjacked

With every job that deals closely with life-threatening situations, there is TONS of red tape and a TONS of people who don't feel like risking their lives, and I guess I've just been reading the guard as an ineffectual system up til now. Honestly I haven't paid close attention to them

I really like their presence in the story-- it's very nice to see systems in place to deal specifically with the dreamers!! I think that they're an important part of the worldbuilding.

And in future rereads I guess I'll have to pay closer attention to their scenes. XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Can't the two groups just get along? (resumes shipping Miho and Tabbi)

wishjacked

HEY, WHILE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE DREAMER GUARD, MATEO IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love him So Much

snuffysam

woof boy

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i would have just written off their ineffectualness as red tape if not for how they handled olga's call. like i understand emergency lines can get overwhelmed, but the fact that they answered with such disinterest concerned me. like as a dispatcher you do not handle people's problems that callously. that is how you get yelled at by managers.

snuffysam

to be fair, the dispatcher did give specific directions to call 911

also it's a dreamer holiday, so maybe a lot of the guard took the day off

wishjacked

I see any panel with Mateo in it and I think of that "I will protect it: strongly agree" meme

yes!! I found that bit pretty funny tbh

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

the dispatcher did but they also looked like someone who gave -100 cares. so i dont credit them that much.

mateo is precious

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I don't think I'm at that point yet. ^^;;

Just got through the little backstory between Tabbi and Koji in the hospital where he stops time. So sweet.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

That whole scene was ADORABLE

and again, the pacing in that was excellent. I really enjoy those little breather moments in this comic.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so changing gears a bit cause i actually found a page that supports a theory i had. http://www.anarchydreamers.com/comic/page-114-2 i didnt read that convo close enough. what if the 6 are special because they already died before? and this dreamwalker thing is their 2nd revival which is what makes them special. and why the shooter was in tabbi's memory was trying to fully erase her existence. except the shooter expected her to full on die and not come back AGAIN

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Holy cats, that's an awesome theory.

Also may explain why they forgot more.

snuffysam

wait, but wouldn't other people have known they were dreamers beforehand?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe they weren't.

First death didn't take but they didn't become dreamwalkers either.

snuffysam

ah, i see

still, i feel like it would have been a known thing if they already died once

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or it didn't manifest itself, maybe they still had to take pills? Dunno.

Maybe they died in a Nightmare.

I dunno, I just like Rebel's theory.

Maybe the TVs fit in too.

If you die on TV, you die in real life. No, wait.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah this page specifically mentions that if you die as a baby but are revived you dont get abilities because you have no personality

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Oh, huh, Rebel, good catch! That's an interesting theory

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and i dont think itd be a known thing cause thats more a personal detail

like if i had died as a baby for a moment that would not be my conversation starter XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Didn't Tabbi say something about being the second twin and hence almost dying or something?

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

I imagine Tadhg also suffered from it too

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or maybe when you become a cheerleader, you're just born again.

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Also: how is his name pronounced

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Tadhg.

snuffysam

theres a T sound somewhere

Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨

Taigh, according to youtube

Emily Ree

Yes!

Old Irish name

Their older sister has an old Irish name too

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Like the Colonel from Battlestar Galactica?

Emily Ree

https://youtu.be/E-F6PrKqlws

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Incidentally, just in the closing minutes here, want to mention I was impressed by successful Kickstarters. That's a non-trivial amount of extra work.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hmmm interesting. also i feel bad for him. probably spends his life correcting ppl on how its pronounced

Emily Ree

;w;

snuffysam

and four of them, no less!

Emily Ree

The twins both have cat pun names. Tadhg sounds like the first part of "tiger" and Tabbi sounds like a tabby cat

And thank you!

I've had 5 now, with a 6th kickstarter launching on April 4th! ;w;

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe it's the source of his sadness. Mispronunciations.

Emily Ree

XD

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i hope your 6th kickstarter goes well~!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Aye!

snuffysam

i'd stay in my room too if i knew people were going to mispronounce my name if i went out

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Also, if Tabbi's like a cat, I'm shipping her and Miho harder.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Emily Ree, as well, for making Anarchy Dreamers and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Emily Ree’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Neon Rabbit by Jordyn DeJong (wakaxo). As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on March 22nd from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/Neon-Rabbit

[lovemesomesurveys]

What was on your mind mostly today? So far I’ve just been thinking about how I don’t feel well and stuff pertaining to survey questions.

If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? Blankets, pillows, a medium sized giraffe stuffed animal, a small Chewbacca, and a small giraffe stuffed animal that came with a little blanket that wraps around him. It’s super cute.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Nothing.

Are you nice to everyone? Yes, I believe so.

Is it possible to be single and happy? Yeah.

Is it easy for people to make you cry? Sometimes it doesn’t take much at all.

Did you sleep alone last night? Yes.

Do you play with dead bugs? UH EWWWWWW NO WTF.

Honestly, are you dating two people? No... I’m not even dating one person.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? I would hope so.... I could really use some positive changes.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?  Yeah.

Do you want to see somebody right now? No.

What if you had a baby with the person you like? --

Are you happy? No.

Have you ever tripped in public? I’ve fallen in public on more than one occasion. :/

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? I don’t know?

Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? Nope.

Are you stubborn? Yes. I can be very stubborn.

Do you tend to hold a grudge? No. I mean, I won’t forget, but I do forgive.

What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?  She’s my mom and she loves to watch the ID channel.

Has anyone called you perfect before? Hahah nooo.

Where is the biggest scar on your body? Down my back.

Have you ever been told you were amazing? Something like that. haaaa.

Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? If I knew that beforehand, then no. If they were addicted to drugs while we were together I’d want to try and help them.

Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? No.

Do you trust all your friends? Sigh.

If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yes.

What pissed you off today? Nothing so far.

What was the last thing you cried about? Frustrations and I wasn’t feeling well. That can intensify things.

Who was the last girl you talked to? My mom.

Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? No.

Who sits next to you in English? I’m no longer in school.

Ever talked to someone who was drunk? Yeah.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? I haven’t listened to any music so far today.

How late did you stay up last night and why? Until around 230 or so. I’m always up late.

Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?  Yes.

Are your parents very protective of you? I mean, they’re both protective because they care and want the best for me, but my dad can be a little over protective at times.

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? I don’t see that happening at all.

How many drugs are in your system?  None.

The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? I wouldn’t be able to go, I’d have no way of getting there. I wouldn’t be the one he’d call, anyway.

Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? I used to be a lot better at it. I slipped these past couple of years. Things took a bad turn, and I just wasn’t so good at hiding it anymore.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? Yes.

Do you think you are a good person? I don’t know. I mean, I try to be. I feel like I used to be. I don’t wish anything bad on anyone and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I care about others and their well being. I just feel like I’ve been so selfish these past couple years, and in turn I have hurt people. :/

What do you want right this second? To not feel like crap would be great.

Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? Absolutely not. Why are guys not allowed to have emotions and express those emotions? Can they not be sad, too? They’re human.

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? Oh yes.

Could you last in a relationship for over a year?  I think so.

Who were you with on your birthday? I haven’t had my birthday yet this year, but last year I was with my family.

Have you ever crawled through a window? No.

First person to talk to you in 2014? I don’t know.

Do you miss your past? Yes. Well, parts of it.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? I have no idea.

Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? Nope.

Who was the last person to text you? Do you know when that person’s birthday is? My mom. Her birthday is in September.

What were you doing 4 hours ago? I was lying down and resting. I was dozing off here and there.

Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? No.

Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. I don’t feel like it.

What is something that people often give to you as a gift? Gift cards.

Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? Ohhh yes.

What is something that reminds you of your ex? Certain songs. For example, “Lithium” by Nirvana.

Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? No.

Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? Donuts or coffee, actually. haha. Or donuts and coffee.

When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? Last night. No, I don’t.

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? No, it’s 1AM.

Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? Nope.

Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? I’ll be staying in.

How many times have you been in love? Twice.

If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? I’d just deal with it alone.

Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? Not chocolate, specifically, but sweets.

What was your last reason for crying? I answered this already. Was that not this survey? Maybe it was the previous one, but whatever.

How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I think they can definitely change, mature, and grow up, but I would be skeptical. I’d have to see that change.

Did you sleep well last night? No.

Is your bedroom big enough for you? It could be a little bigger.

Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? No.

Ever had a one-night stand? Nope.

Is anyone flirting with you? No.

Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? No.

Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? Meh. I feel like I’m average, just like with everything else. I’m an average person.

Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? I’d like to not be stuck in an elevator at all, thank you. I am very claustrophobic and would be having a panic attack. That would be horrible. I have to take elevators, and it’s something I think about.

Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? Like I said, I don’t want to be stuck in an elevator--period. It wouldn’t matter who I was with.

When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? --

Have you ever seen your father cry? Yes, but only less than a handful of times. Most recently was when our dog passed away. :(

How would your parents react if you got pregnant? They’d be absolutely shocked to say the least. They’d want to know who the father was. They’d be surprised because I’m always home, and when I do leave it’s with them. I’m not talking to anyone in that way. They’d be so like, “wtf???” haha.

Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? I’ve never had to wear a school uniform, but yes I followed the dress code. I was too self-conscious to wear spaghetti straps, skirts, dresses, or shorts anyway. And I didn’t wear anything with something bad on it.

If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Nopeeee. That would be a downright lie. They’d act like it in the moment, but then I’d hear he was talking to/sleeping with other girls. One of which was his ex girlfriend. So.

What was the highlight of your summer? It hasn’t been summer, yet. I don’t look forward to it, though.

The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? No.

Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? Nope. I’ve never even heard of it.

Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? Yes. A lot of things are bothering me.

If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? I mean, I say I’ve had enough or that I’m done all the time in regards to things that I’m dealing with, but I keep on going....

Who was the last person that invited you to their house? Arynthya.

Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? My mom said she thought about Jesse for a boy.

Are you friends with any of your exes? No.

Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call? No.

If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? No, I’m not looking for someone.

What language do you like the sound of? Hmmm.

Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? Ha, it was someone who worked at the vitamin store I went to last weekend. lol. No, he wasn’t really my type. He seemed like a cool guy, though.

What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? That I’m depressed and have other issues. Oh, and that I love Alexander Skarsgård. They’d be absolutely, 100% correct about all of it.

What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? Okay I’ll answer questions like this about Alexander Skarsgård from now. Duhhh, why didn’t I always do that? He’s absolutely gorgeous. I love his jaw, his next, his eyes, his hands, his stomach, his smile, his height.... everything.

Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? I feel like I used to be. Now I feel weak. I don’t know who this person is anymore.

Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. Sadly, we haven’t had any moments together. haha. Only in my dreams... ;)

What are you doing tomorrow? Nothing.

[gracefulswansofnever]

Hmmm

Its been bubbling for a while now but im pretty sure ive got some strong feelings for a friend of mine. Shes so attractive, super cool invidual who enjoys the same things on a similarly deep level to me. Ive been pushing it down for quite a while now but it gets a bit harder to do that every time I see her.

Man shes like a really nice person and has some great views on stuff and is open about things but every time im around her i cant be myself really because i dont know how to act. I get a bit nervous and just act stupid and shit instead of being whoever or whatever I normally am. Im not even sure what that is.

The problem is... i hate myself a lot, and have a super duper deep negative opinion of myself and my own self worth. I think I am one of the most garbage humans to exist, sucking resources like patience from people I know, being a general piece of shit and making excuses for me being a dumb idiot.

My actual reasoning for not doing certain things which do end up annoying others is... i simply don't have the energy to care. I wish for the void on a daily basis. It never stops and it hinders me a lot in trying to move forward. Especially when moving forward means nothing because the call of not existing is such a sweet siren tune...

So, this means whenever I think about potential relationships, i get excited because the person is cool and id really like to get to know them and also love them and be with them etc. But, at the end of that comes the thoughts like:

It will end and it will hurt.

Pain is only a single word away.

They will eventually hate you, after seeing what you are and how you function. A broken piece of trash that can only be put up with for so long.

Whether its 3 months, 3 years, or 20 years, it will eventually crumble and they will move on because you aren't a workable human being. And you never will be.

So I am attracted to people, sometimes a LOT and I /realllly/ want to be with them and engage with them on a deeper almost spiritual level, but I don't. Because whats the point when pain for them as caused by me is only a few words or lack of words or ideas away? Whats the point when I long for a dark black ending where the light fades and everyone forgets me as less than a footnote in the annals of history? That isnt something I want anyone to deal with anymore. I know people do and have had to deal with that, and its such an unfair thing for me to put onto them. Its work, for them, beating their head against the proverbial wall every day that is my broken sense of self.

Physically, I am not attractive. I hate my body so much. I dont go outside in the day time unless I have to because i don't want people to look at my gross self. I am tired all the time, very unhealthy and grossly overweight to the point where it is endangering my physical and mental health constantly. So I find these people super duper attractive, but I know that they would never be into me. Not as I am now. But still probably not ever regardless. This girl for example, I honestly dont know what sort of human they're attracted to, but there's a 99.9999999% chance it isnt someone like me. She's so cool, dresses with an epic sense of style that drives me nuts in both an aesthetic way and an attraction way.

I think I'll just wait another few years until I am less shit at being a person. Im not a good person. I know it needs to be fixed. But at the moment my only solution to that is to die so... thats not a good solution. It'd be such a relief from the constant black mucky pain. The horrors of the night have leaked into my day time life now, which makes it hard to function on a normal level. Im a piece of shit. I am not good. Not worth investing time into. Too unrewarding for the other party in the end.

The other point is if we got together and it ended badly it would ruin our professional side of our relationship. Which would realllly suck because shes super good at what she does and I have a huge amount of respect for her work and her intelligence on these subjects is vast. Something id never be able to ever match.

Oh well.

[mrcriscodisco]

DO ALL THE QUESTIONS

ok ok i cave smh

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? - i could but i’d rather not

2:Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? - single-ish? Kinda? Hard to say rn 

3:What if I told you that you were pretty? - I’d tell you thank you!

4:Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? - yeah, sorta

5:Are you interested in anyone right now? - eh one or two people i guess!

6:What are you looking forward to in the next week? - already answered friend

7:Do you want to be single? - truth be told i couldn’t care less either way. 

8:Did you go out or stay in last night? - stayed in..i drove home from a camping trip so i was exhaaaausted

9:How late did you stay up last night? - like..10 pm haha

10:Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? - yeah it was a tragic mess

11:Last three things you had to drink? - water and two mixed drinks

12:Have you pretended to like someone? - nope! thats cruel

13:Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? - yeah back before i fully understood the effect that could have on someone

14:Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? - lol yeah tons of people. im shameless

15:Is it hard for you to get over someone? - it depends..most often no not at all..but from time to time someone really special comes through and you never really get over them 

16:Think back five months ago, were you single? - yep!

17:What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? - sleeping? maybe? nothing productive i can guarantee that

18:Hold hands with anyone this week? - nope!

19:Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? - already answered lad

20:What would you name your future daughter? - uhhhh N/A

21:Do you miss anyone? - sure! a few people

22:Have you kissed three or more people in one night? - probably honestly. i wouldnt put it past myself 

23:Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? - hmmm……i don’t think so no

24:Are you good at hiding your feelings? - what good does hiding your feelings do? i’ll let you know how i feel 

25:Have you ever cried from being so mad? - no

26:Who did you last see in person? - my mom and brother 

27:Are you listening to music right now? - nope!

28:What is something you currently want right now? - already answered pal

29:What is the last thing you said out lot? - can’t remember

30:How is your heart lately? - alright i think! should probs get it checked out..make sure i don’t have cardiomyopathy or anything

31:Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? - nope!

32:Are you wearing socks? - nope!

33:What do people call you? - e, ez e, ez, ezzie

34:Will you talk to the person you like tonight? - maybe, hopefully. i miss him so much

35:Are there any stressful situations in your life? - nothing i can’t handle

36:Who did you last share a bed with? - my pup!

37:Did you do something bad today? - acid? excessive drinking? what do you consider “““bad”““?

38:When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? - it’s been a minute honestly..a few weeks?

39:Do you get stressed out easily? - not anymore..life’s too short and most things are too petty to stress over 

40:Will you sing today? - hell yeah!

41:Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? - nope! if i want you to know something you’re gonna know it

42:Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? - my mom or my closest lads

43:Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? - yeah

44:What are you listening to right now? - this top 10 mysteries documentary deal..learning about the basilisk 

45:What is wrong with you right now? - this acid is making me nauseous 

46:What is on your wrists right now? - hoodie sleeves

47:Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? redbubble probably 

48:What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? - apple cider!

49:Do you make wishes at 11:11? - haha no

50:Are you a good artist? - noooo way..im too unmotivated 

51:Love really is a beautiful thing huh? - Sure!! Love is great! Especially platonic love and adoration 

52:Do you miss the way things were six months ago? - honey….i can’t even remember what happened this morning let alone 6 months ago..

53:Ever been on a golf cart? - no :(

54:Do you have trust issues? - no, not really. i’m an open book

55:Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? - yeah..my boy Brendon 

56:Do you own something from Hot Topic? - hahaha yeah, honestly. They’ve got some cute stuff, what can i say

57:Do you use chap stick? - no

58:Have you ever slapped someone in the face? - no

59:Do you have a little sister? - no

60:Have you ever been to New York? - yeah! i was there for panorama a couple weeks ago! nice little city, that

61:Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? - hmmm…id like to hope so

62:Have you hugged someone within the last week? - yeah!

63:What were you doing at midnight last night? - already answered broe

64:Have you ever regretted kissing someone? no never. a kiss is only a kiss

65:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? - no, unfortunately

66:Were your last three kisses from the same person? - nope!

67:Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? - no

68:Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? - alone or with my pup

69:Will next Friday be a good one? - HELL YEAHH!!! there’s so much going on im excited!!!