#wisedawn thoughts

[wisedawn-whatever]

You know what constantly haunts me? That scene in the donghua where wangxian are walking down the street and lwj stops and asks wwx how he died. He mentions how it's widely believed his undead turned on him but when lwj went his findings showed that wasn't the case.

That moment. And wwx just pulls in, quiet and somber, and says that he died and the how doesn't matter. You can see that lwj is pained by this and wants to ask more but then wwx switches to a smile and runs off to play with a rattle drum and lwj lets it go.

That scene HAUNTS me. The notion that wwx didn't die the way all believe and that lwj /knows/ that and that he has an idea on how he /actually/ died but needs wwx to confirm or deny it. The way they talk in that scene leads me to believe wwx... Well, that he chose that path.

[wisedawn-whatever]

Yes! This! Also I want to add on to the "hero complex" part. In my understanding of Mo Dao Zu Shi, Jiang Cheng tells Wei Wuxian to stop trying to be a hero. Jiang Cheng looks at Wei Wuxian and sees a man who needs to be the one to save the day. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of who Wei Wuxian is and it's actually sad to see how the man who Wei Wuxian was closest to didn't truly see Wei Wuxian. But I digress.

Based on a simple Google search, a "hero complex" is described as "when someone strives to be the hero of the situation. No matter the situation or the odds, they want to be the ones that save the day." The key point of this is that compulsion, that want, to be the one to save the day. That's not it.

Wei Wuxian never came across as someone with a hero complex to me. He never seemed like someone who always wanted to "save the day" no matter the odds or cost. No. Wei Wuxian is a man with strong morals and beliefs and he will stick to them to a fault. He is willing to sacrifice things to do what is right. Why? Because he is fundamentally good and because he knows, for a fact, that if he doesn't step up, no one else will.

He doesn't want to save the day no matter the situation or odds, he wants to do what is right and strive for what he believes in. He is kind and good. I don't have any more words right now, but I have so many thoughts about Wei Wuxian. He is so important to me.

MDZS thought of the day.

Selflessness and self-sacrifice does not equate to a low self worth or a hero complex. Wei Wuxian is selfless. Being able to make a hard decision in a fucked up situation is pragmatic.

I feel like people take Wei Wuxian's ability to be resolute in the face of sacrifice to mean he has no self-worth. That's very much not the case. Wei Wuxian has very strong morals and values that he doesn't waver from and that allows him to assess a situation and come to a decision that he can live with, even if it isn't ideal. We see this in his acceptance of losing his hand and giving his core away. Please note though, that these are extreme cases with high stakes. He assessed the situation and came to what he deemed the best conclusion.

Wei Wuxian knows his worth. He does not make it a habit of putting himself in senseless danger. He thinks about the situation before acting.

I write all this to say, Wei Wuxian would not put himself in senseless danger and disrespect his husband's agency by continuously trying to make it seem like he tricked him into being with him. I truly believe that a part of Lan Wangji's appeal for Wei Wuxian is his competence. Lan Wangji was someone who not only matched him but he could totally rely on with no major worries.

We are also shown this in canon, when they were in the Jin tower. On the steps, Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji an out but when Lan Wangji shows his decision, he never asks again. There is no begging Lan Wangji to reconsider or trying to convince him that he's not good enough. He just respects Lan Wangji's decision and appreciates his loyalty and trust.

Anyway, this post has run away from me. Idk what I'm trying to say 😭. I hope you enjoyed my stream of consciousness.

[wisedawn-whatever]

Just saw a post about how people shouldn't be mad at jc for how he acted towards wwx about things wwx did without knowing what's going on with wwx because wwx never told him (or anyone) what was going on with him and that was his choice. And... Sure. But also can we agree that wwx felt he couldn't tell him or anyone because of his status and how he is viewed? Can we also agree that wwx is traumatized and feels unable and unwilling to burden people with his problems. His whole life has been set up in such a way that makes him feel he needs to do things alone and not bother people with his problems. The "choices" he made to not let anyone in weren't really choices to him, he felt that was the only way.

[wisedawn-whatever]

Thinking thoughts about pre-relationship wangxian where lwj is out as gay but wwx isn't out as bi (because he's never really thought too much about it and hasn't fully realized it yet, blame the aroace spec lol) anyway, so they're best friends and they're watching TLOU

Episode 3 comes on and both of them are immediately invested and by the end, lwj is crying quietly. It's only when he hears wwx sob beside him that he realizes wwx is crying too. He's a mess, heaving sobs and lots of tears, lwj is frantic trying to figure out why he's so sad

It's only when wwx, breath hitching violently in his chest, manages to say "I imagined us" that lwj's own breathing stops. Us. He imagined them. Together. Like that. It's world shattering for the both of them and they cry and realize and confess and kiss and hold each other

Anyway yeah, perhaps I'll find a fic that I can actually write this scene into because 🥹🥹🥹

[wisedawn-whatever]

Aziracrow, Gabriel, and The Metatron

So, I finished watching Good Omens season 2 yesterday for the third time and took a day off today for things to percolate, and percolate they have. These thoughts may not make sense and they almost certainly won't be right, but humour me.

Let's start with Gabriel, shall we? At the end of season 1 we have him yelling "shut your stupid mouth and die" to Aziraphale (who is actually Crowley at that time but we'll come back to that point in a moment). Why is he doing so? For going against Heaven and The Great Plan, joining with a demon, and stopping the war that would end the world.

Now, let's see what we learn at the end of season 2 about Gabriel: he says "nah" to a second Armageddon there by going against Heaven and The Great Plan and he is in love with Beelzebub (a demon). Sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it? What intruigues me so much about this is the fact that Aziraphale and Crowley witness it.

Let's go back to Crowley being in Aziraphale's place in Heaven. Crowley witnesses the cold cruelty the angels, but mainly Gabriel, show to his best (and only) friend while attempting to kill him. That, rightfully, makes him hate Gabriel quite a bit, and I don't judge him for a second for feeling that way. But he still caves and helps Aziraphale with Jim because Aziraphale is (seemingly) putting his whole existence at stake to help someone who wouldn't do the same.

Aziraphale is kind and willing to help people, he wants to do good because he believes that doing good is the just and right thing (even when it actually isn't) whereas Crowley goes what Aziraphale views as good and kind, but is actually the right and just thing. He doesn't mean to do good he just wants to do what's right and that's a big difference. But I digress.

While Crowley knows exactly what Gabriel said and did to (who he thought was) Aziraphale, Aziraphale himself doesn't actually know. From what we are shown, Crowley never told Aziraphale what exactly happened. Perhaps it's too hard for him to repeat to the one he cares most about, perhaps he simply doesn't wish to hurt Aziraphale by telling him, or perhaps it is something else entirely. Despite that, Crowley helps and even somewhat warms up to having Jim around.

Then he gets to witness why Gabriel is on Earth in the first place and is witness to the Gabriel and Beelzebub where they go off to be together outside of Heaven and Hell. He gets to witness the very thing he wants most. But that hope dangled in front of his face is futile and only serves to burn him in the end because The Metatron has other plans.

Personally, I am a fan of the theory that The Metatron is actively revising things in The Book of Life in season 2 (and there's a number of things that lead one to think as such) but if you don't think so, it's not important to my musings anyway. What we do know is that The Metatron shows contempt towards Crowley (and most probably all demons, but there seemed to be some Crowley-specific distaste that I noticed) and I feel that a number of things that occurred in season 2 could be The Metatron making moves to hurt Crowley in his weakest point: Aziraphale.

The Metatron denies Gabriel's decent into Hell because it doesn't make a "good story" and would seem like there is "an institutional problem" (which there every much is, but that's not the point) but in doing so, Gabriel escapes to Earth and makes his way to Aziraphale's shop. Which, after season 1, seems an odd thing, but after learning that Gabriel goes against Heaven and is in love with a demon, it makes a bit more sense. But still. Odd. And that all culminates in what I mentioned two paragraphs above: Crowley witnessing what he wants most.

Aziraphale also wants Crowley by his side, but unfortunately he still (somehow) has not realized just how toxic Heaven actually is. He's stuck missing what he had and wishing to go back to what he had. The Metatron gives him exactly what he wants, offering him a place in Heaven to come back to (a high power where he could "change things for the better") and he even tells him that he could get Crowley reinstated as an Angel and have him as his second in command. Something that, almost certainly, The Metatron knows Crowley would never agree to, which is exactly why he offers it and ultimately causes a major schism between Aziraphale and Crowley.

Crowley—after having watched Maggie and Nina (we're not getting into theories about them in this post, but things felt odd with them for me), putting in quite a bit of effort to make them fall in love to the point of him being quite invested in their love life, seeing Gabriel and Beelzebub, and then being told by Nina and Maggie to tell Aziraphale how he truly feels—is finally ready to confess what he thinks and feels and really wants. Afterall, they've spent most of 6000 years pretending they aren't a "group of the two of them." Unfortunately, the timing for that is just so off.

Aziraphale was just offered what, to him, is a dream. And he was offered that by The Metatron at exactly the same time that Nina and Maggie were talking with Crowley and giving him that final push. Cruel timing, no? So, Aziraphale comes in, full of excitement to the point that he straight up cuts off Crowley when he tries to say his thing. Even after him saying that Aziraphale should just listen while he talks because if he doesn't start now, he may never say it. Aziraphale cuts him off, telling him to "hold that thought" because he is too excited about the offer given to him that he's blinded by it. Aziraphale is practically high on it, he was given exactly what he wanted. But it's not what Crowley wants and Aziraphale is too blinded to see that or see why Crowley would never want to go back to heaven.

I saw a post (don't recall what one) that talked about how this moment probably stems from Aziraphale's view that Crowley being cast out from Heaven was wrong, and so in bringing him back that is just and right and good. He wants to fix it. But Crowley sees Heaven for what it is and can't ever go back, not even for Aziraphale. Which is what makes this schism so painful. They were both shown/offered the thing they want most in life and came crashing together to only realize that their deepest desires are not compatible. While the core of them is to have the other by their side, it's the where that is the issue.

Aziraphale wants to go back and Crowley wants to go away. Crowley, in true desperation and raw despair, kisses Aziraphale. It's not a show of love or devotion, but rather a show of pain and brokenness. We can see how affected Crowley is shortly before he kisses Aziraphale. His voice is chokes up, he has to stop talking to keep from crying, he can't look into Aziraphale's eyes, he puts his glasses on so Aziraphale doesn't see him break and cry. He is crumbling, his foundation (his love and trust and bond with Aziraphale) is deteriorating beneath his feet and he is scrambling. The kiss says more than words ever could.

And Aziraphale says "I forgive you" because he doesn't know what else he can say, he can see it all crumbling away before his very eyes too, and he's scared. But that is the last thing that Crowley wants. He doesn't want his forgiveness, he just wants him. Full stop. Crowley witnesses things that have him hope and that hope was dashed, thrown into his face, and stepped on. Aziraphale even hopes that Crowley was the one who came in when it was The Metatron, because Crowley always always comes back. But, this time, it's just too much to ask for. We can see the little bit of hope and light in his eyes die as he resigns himself to go to Heaven. He pushes everything down and away because what's happening is a good thing, after all. He is going back to Heaven. And even then, Crowley is waiting and hoping that Aziraphale will come to him this time. He doesn't.

The Metatron gets exactly what he wants: Aziraphale in Heaven, Crowley somewhere else, and the pair of them no longer together. They are far too strong a pair and they are clearly a threat to Heaven and its plans. So, he makes moves to tear them apart in one of the most brutal ways.

[wisedawn-whatever]

Tumblr feels so much lonelier to me then it used to...

[wisedawn-whatever]

"Zorua is said to have a timid nature which led to the development of its illusion abilities. Zorua keeps its true form hidden to ensure its safety, and takes on the appearance of other Pokémon to frighten off enemies. Sometimes it will take the form of a silent child in order to search for food. It have been known to occasionally replace normally talkative children. As seen in its movie debut, the tail of an unpracticed Zorua may remain when it takes on a human form, and if the tail is touched, it will revert to its true form. Zorua is mischievous and loves to surprise others." [x]

I am Thinking Thoughts about the mdzs pokemon au I want to write 👀

[wisedawn-whatever]

I think I'm gonna change my url soon from zuko-the-turtleduck to wisedawn as that makes sense with me being wisedawn13 everywhere else (including my writing blog) so it would help people know it's me.