#winter is coming and im about to go full emo | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

queenofallwitches · 3 years ago

Text

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

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anti-pasto · 4 years ago

Note

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon:

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of

191: My 1st car was: 94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4 xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

181: On my calendar: i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can.

177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already

121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

120: Gay Marriage: be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy.

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition.

105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

97: Swam in a pool: last week

96: Changed a diaper: never

95: Got my nails done: never

94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band?

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well.

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

28: Band: fall out boy

27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

23: Website: tumblr or youtube

22: Animal: snow leopard

21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

10: Restaurant: chiplote

9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

3: Comedian: john maulaney

2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

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sxfterhearts · 4 years ago

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aesthetics tag!!

tagged by @flowerbeom 💞💞 (thank you kat!! hope you’ve been doing alright 🥰)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

tagging: anyone who wants to do this HAHA (im so late oops)

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

gold jewelry, slowdancing in the kitchen with a lover, sun on skin, red-tinted lip balm, lazy mornings, getting lost in foreign cities, scent of bakeries, high-waisted jeans, kissing someone’s neck, writing reminders on your wrist, sleeping in braids to have waves in the morning, growing an herb garden, gentle touches, sketches tucked between pages, flushed cheeks, tandem bikes, floating in a pool, vintage gold hand-mirror, deer grazing, softly singing while doing chores

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

listening to a song and remembering the times you used to listen to it on repeat | imagining yourself living in any other life than the one you have now | crop tops and high waisted jeans | forgetting to smile but not actually being upset | nuzzling your face in the crook of their neck | back hugs when you’re stressed | turning in assignments 1 minute before they’re due | wanting a relationship but getting scared the moment you’re in one | pretending that you don’t care when inside you’re burning with doubts and fears | the sound of the evening waves as you lie on the sand | lying in your bed listening to your sad playlist | exhaustion but you can’t sleep | singing loudly when you’re the only one home | feeling safe and comfortable with that person in your life | knee high suede black boots with your black winter coat | comfort over appearance | writing essays at 2 am | creative peak from 1 am to 4 am | the one that always ends up walking in the back of a friend group

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

bamshine - sae

jjinyounf - cres

flowerbeom - kat

sxfterhearts - rach

#tag game #gtkm!#this was sooo fun i am so late but yea :")

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missblissy · 5 years ago

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SO I ACCIDENTLY DELETED THE ASK BUUT! Anon asked about my OCs so here they are ;v;

These are my two important children. I do not have their demon forms drawn out yet because THIS IS A VERY OLD REF OF THEM ((I drew this in 2017. I do not have a working tablet but im GETTING ONE FOR CHRISTMAS SO IM GONNA BE DRAWING AGAIN SOON!! This is just their general bio, not necessarily Hazbin hotel))

Sage Helvig:

Age: 26 Gender: Female Race: Mixed. Japanese/Europen Descent. Status: Alive Build/Body Type/Physical Frame: Smol Height: 4′9″ Weight: 160 lbs Skin: White Hair: Long black hair that stops above her waist, wavy but little to nose curls Eyes: Blue Other defining features/extra anatomy: Has many piercings on her ears, both ears are completely covered with piercings. Voice: Soft-spoken and relatively monotone. Doesn’t express a lot of emotions when speaking. Often mistaken for being tired. Style: POP PUNK!!! EDGY!!! EMO!!!!

Loves/Favorites: - Tol Husband - Magic/Pagan worship - Japanese cuisine and culture - Archery/Bowhunting - Studying Mythology - Pepsi ((She’s addicted)) - ALL BREAKFAST FOOD - And fruits. She prefers fruit over candy - Chemistry - Cleaning ((It’s a form of therapy for her)) - Science ((in general)) - Crabs ((She keeps them as pets and thinks they are the cutest things every)) - Winter and Fall - Swords/Daggers/Blades

Hates: - Candy, like unnaturally sweet things ((like taffy, lemon drops, sour patch kids, etc etc)) - Math - Cooking - Most internet culture. - Evil/Dark spirits/Demons ((Anything malevolent)) - People who don’t know how to shut up about cars - Bugs - Spring and Summer

Hobbies: - Studying different culture’s mythology/history/religions. - Witchcraft/Spellcasting - Demon slaying - Archery - Chemistry - Swordsmanship

Hopes/Dreams: - To one day rid the world of all demonic and malevolent spirits. - Have a daughter of her own and raise her the way she was raised - To become a skilled and honorable Demon Slayer

Fears/Nightmares: - Anything bad happening to Van or her brother - Death - Demonic possession ((Ya know, being possessed and shit)) - Hurting the innocent. - Getting sent to Hell

Best Quality: - She is a skilled Demon Slayer who has seen more combat than the average person. She used a mix of a short bow, rapier and magical abilities when hunting and fighting demons and spirits Greatest Flaw: - She doesn’t put enough trust and faith into those around her. She struggles with taking on to much at once and burning herself out. She tries to hard to fix everything by herself and tends to push the people she cares most away from her. How does the character picture himself/herself? - She doesn’t see or view herself as the legend she is slowly becoming. She’s very humble and feels as though she is at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to anything she does. There is always room for improvement. How do others see him/her? - One of the best Demon Slayers there are out there, many people are fame struck when the come meet her because she is from a long demon slayer that dates back to some of the earliest centries of human culture and society. This causes her and Van to move a lot.

Most valued possession: - The rapier sword that she was gifted too by her father as he died from a fatal wound during a battle with a demon. It is the same rapier sword that she used to kill said demon that murdered her father.

Is he/she motivated by possibility or necessity? - Necessity. She knows that she is needed because there are so few people left on the planet with gifts like hers ((I.e Magical abilities)) How does he/she view the future and/or the past? - Sage thinks there is a grim future for humanity and has little faith in those around her. She tries not to think about the past either but uses it as motivation to keep moving forward. What is his/her philosophy on life and death? - She fears death more than anything, only because she doesn’t know what kind of afterlife she will have. Sage doesn’t think death is the end, and believe there is life beyond death. She wants to live as long as she can, possibly growing old with Van. What kind of energy level do they usually have? Sleepy and depressed. She’s not a bubbly person and is very serious and stoic and quiet.

Does he/she have a temper? Yes but only if you push her to the edge or if she’s been cornered in some way.

Polite or rude? Rude Stingy or generous? Generous Leader or a follower? Leader More happy by themselves or in a group? By herself What is his/her sexual preference/experience/values? - Sage is bisexual, monogamous, and demisexual. Before she married Vanderlinde she dated both men and women. She doesn’t sleep around and find causal sex repulsive ((for her, she doesn’t care what other people do with their sex lives)) -History/Background- - Sage was born from a Japanese mother and a German father. She was born in Japan but her family moved around every few years due to being members of a secret society dedicated to exterminating demons. Her mother is still alive however her father died when she was 17 years old in a fatal battle with a Demon. - She has spent almost her entire life working for a secret society of demon slayers, which she took on as a full-time job after her father died. - Sage has an older half brother named Kael, they share the same mother but a different father. - She received formal schooling through the secret soceity she worked for. She was able to still get her high school education while traveling around the world to slay demons. - She met Vanderlinde when she was 20 years old and after just moving to the United States. Vanderlinde was a priest at the time and Sage had just enrolled in university for a chemistry degree. They quickly fell in love and Sage welcomed Vanderlinde into her secret society with open arms and Vanderlinde happily joined.

((There is so much more to Sage’s backstory I’m just TIRED and SLEEPY so this is all ya’ll get.))

___________________________________________

Vanderlinde Helvig:

Age: 31 Gender: Male Race: Cucasion, Scandinavian descent. Status: Alive Build/Body Type/Physical Frame: Tol Height: 6′0″ Weight: 230 lbs Skin: White Hair: Short blonde fluffy hair Eyes: Green Other defining features/extra anatomy: He has several tattoos, all of them are based of Nordic Mythology, Nordic Ruins, and Scandinavian Vikings Voice: Deep but soothing. Imagine what butter would sound like if it could talk.SMOOTH Style: Business Causal, he’s a professor so he wears a lot of dress shirts and sweaters. This boy loves his cashmere sweaters.

Loves/Favorites: - His smol wife - Music ((He loves pop punk, rock, grunge, metal, etc etc)) - THE LORD ALL MIGHTY - Sunday Prayer - His Students - Teaching - Nordic Mythology - Cooking - PEACE AND LOVE - Coffee and tea. - Summer and Fall - Going to concerts/rock shows - Motorcycles

Hates: - Spring and Winter - Unnecessary arguments/debates - People who refuse to educate themselves - Lazy Students - Grading paper work - People who don’t know how to drive - Demonic/Evil Spirits - Pepsi ((He’s a Coke-a-cola person)) - Alcohol ((And Drunk people. If you are drunk he won’t even try and talk to you))

Hobbies: - Reading - Writing ((He’s written many books about religious study books)) - Exploring the unknown ((He breaks your modern Indiana Jones tbh lmao)) - Providing Exorcisms/religious healing/cleanings - Working out/staying fit - Researching religions and mythology

Hopes/Dreams: - WORLD PEACE - That everyone can be happy and treated equally - To destroy every demonic/evil spirit - To have a child one day, just one. Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl he’ll love them the same. - To be recognized worldwide for his work and struggles.

Fears/Nightmares: - Losing Sage ((In any way. Like if she’s killed or if she leaves him etc etc.)) - Becoming possessed and harming people. - The Devil/Lucifer/Satan - Demonic spirits ((He’s always afraid of them even if he’d confronted by them)) - Heights/Being up high - The ocean

Best Quality: - Vanderlinde is a very mild-mannered person. It’s hard to piss him off, he’s very calm and collective and has incredible control over his emotions. People often describe him with a “healing” personality and an “open mind.” Greatest Flaw: - He lets his fears control him. Too often he runs away from things that quiet literally scare him. He is not a fighter and doesn’t enjoy fighting, he’d rather run away defend himself or those around him. This often leads people to say he is cowardly. How does the character picture himself/herself? - Vanderlinde sees himself as a weak softy who can’t win a single physically fight. He doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence so he doubts himself and his skills way too much. He thinks he a push-over that anyone could walk all over. How do others see him/her? - Many people view Vanderlinde as an incredibly intelligent and kind professor who cares about his student’s education more than anything in the world. ((Next to his love for Sage)) People describe him as a very kind and loving person with a big heart.

Most valued possession: - His rosary, he carries it with him always. It was a gift to him from a priest that change his views on Christianity and other religions.

Is he/she motivated by possibility or necessity? - Necessity. Vanderlinde knows there aren’t enough people in the world fighting the dark forces. He knows it is his duty to educate the masses about what is going on when no one is looking. How does he/she view the future and/or the past? - Vanderlinde hopes for a pretty and peaceful future, a safe world where his child can grow up without fear. What is his/her philosophy on life and death? - Vanderlinde does not fear death, he knows that he is going to Hell anyway, so he might as well enjoy his life to the fullest until that day comes. What kind of energy level do they usually have? He’s very relaxed, calm and cool. He’s known for wearing a comforting smile and using healing words to lift people up and make them feel better about themselves.

Does he/she have a temper? No. Vanderlinde has incredible control over his emotions. Even when he’s pissed off he’s still nice, happy, and trying his best to please others.

Polite or rude? Polite Stingy or generous? Generous Leader or a follower? Leader More happy by themselves or in a group? By himself What is his/her sexual preference/experience/values? - Vanderlinde is a straight monogamous male. He’s experimented before here and there but he prefers women for the most part. He is very private about his sex life and gets very uncomfortable when people talk/ask about it. -History/Background- - Vanderlinde grew up in an orphanage for wayward boys, he never knew his parents and refuses to look into them. He was born in the United States. He doesn’t want to know why or how he ended up at the orphanage. It was run by a Catholic church, where he grew up with a deep faith in the Lord. He began to question his faith when the Priest he looked up to had passed away. - Around 18 years old Vanderlinde left the orphanage and went on a soul searching journal across the United State. He was homeless during this time as he traveled cross country, drinking, doing drugs and learning about all different types of faith. When he turned 20 he turned back to the Church and became a priest for the next five years. - He met Sage when he was 25, she was 20 at the time. Because she was a pagan witch, Vanderlinde was punished for getting himself involved with her. At the same time, he also got in trouble for researching other religions other than Christianity. He chose to renounce his priesthood and left the church because he did not agree with their rules. After that, Vanderlinde worked towards becoming a professor at the local university where he could freely research and teach others - After he fell in love with Sage, Vanderlinde joined her secret society, more than happy to join a cause he believed in and was willing to fight for.

((Again, there is so much more to Vanderlinde’s back story but Im just so tired and I wanted to quickly summarize the 20 pages I have for these two dorks.))

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surejo · 5 years ago

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( victoria pedretti, cis woman ) hey ! have you seen JOSEPHINE “JO” CORMAC around ? SHE works at the HOT COCOA STAND at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 24 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO YEARS. they tend to be +OPTIMISTIC & +EMPATHETIC, but can also be -IMPRACTICAL & -PASSIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE IDEALIST. thanks a lot ! ( the few nights the stars can be seen, books worn down by dog-ears and marks left throughout the years, the first crisp breeze of autumn, the duality… of t.s. eliot )

OK. a few notes before i get started:

1) i hope everyone loves how i literally j copied my ivan stuff. url format? ‘sure jan’ lives on. theme? too lazy to find a different one that’s easy to work with. luv that for me. 2) speaking of this theme i forget if i addressed this on ivan’s blog but tabbed bullets don’t appear tabbed.... so if anything seems like it doesn’t make total sense.... it is supposed to be tabbed™. 3) get ready for drama!!!!! you may ask yourself “but the app looks so tame! there will be no drama!” but you are wrong........ because she loves cats. the t.s. eliot book......... the musical........ even the movie.

ok jo,, is also a resurrected character,,, hence how i already kno,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that she loves cats. anyway ! let’s begin ! (listen,,,, the intro format will at least be a little different from ivan’s ok im evolving)

QUICK FACTS:

full name: josephine “jo” rose cormac

date of birth: march 6, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, gemini moon, cancer rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: bachelor in english - literature that she is doing nothing with

enneagram: 2w1

mbti: infp

various inspirations: eleanor crain ( the haunting of hill house ), dolores price *as a child and towards the end of the book ( she’s come undone ), fox 8 ( fox 8: a story ), “why try to change me now?” - fiona apple (cover), “be still” - the killers

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: verbal/mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, very slight implication of spousal abuse, brief mention of car accident/death & drowning

( ivan and jo’s breakout pop-punk single: “fuck happy backstories!” stream it on spotify ! )

jo......... was born into the wrong family, let’s get that out of the way.

it was pretty clear she was a ploy to save the marriage of her parents ( who have names: lucy and benjamin, luv that for them ). it didn’t seem like they’d ever picked up a parenting book, gone to a parenting class, rly prepped for being a parent at all...... in their entire lives.

that being said, her mom was actually decent at parenting. her major flaw, though? ok, so you know how kids usually have that one bedtime story that they love and want it to be read to them over and over? well lucy complied ! but y’all wanna know what that book was ?

t.s. eliot’s “old possum’s book of practical cats” whfeiuldjkn

anyway ! when jo was seven, after many failed attempts and simple threats, her mom was finally divorcing benjamin for realz. due to his volatile nature, it was becoming very clear that she was the more fit parent and she almost got sole custody ( the only reason benjamin was motivated for it in the first place was the power so?? )! how exciting!

but the keyword is ‘almost’!

alexa, play ‘my heart will go on’ but the off-tune flute version

just as the proceedings were going through, jo’s mother was hit by a drunk driver on new year’s eve. the car skidded onto some ice, minimal damage done... then the ice broke.

jo and benjamin both devolved after that. jo withdrew more into herself and pretty much coped by..... just reading old possum’s a LOT (hate that for her). all mopey, benjamin became much less outwardly violent. the keyword is ‘outwardly.’

ya, instead of j bein like “i will just chill” he was like “i will just make my rage more subtle because in this house, we love intimidation, manipulation, hostility, the blame game, and gaslighting! uwu” managed to convince jo that her mother’s death was somehow her fault, that he was the only person she could trust, that she will never be able to live without someone else, etc., etc.

a few years in and a cycle of many impromptu sleepovers began. luv that for her. hate that for her, but luv that for her.

there is a lot i cld talk abt here, but it all seems like it cld j be tl;dr’d as: “basically became the surrogate daughter of a bunch of other people”

as for things that r not tragique™, jo was v much a drifter when it came to friends. managed to make a fair amount bc she does not seem like she will put a tadpole in ur hand like ivan. also j a people-pleaser but that’s starting to get into her personality which is another section.

did go to college. luv that for her. has NO CLUE what she’s going to do with her degree, but she can make some really sick niche william faulkner jokes.

began seasonally working at big bear during the winter break of her last year in college because bitch needed some money!! wound up loving it and was like “i think,,,, i will continue to do this,,,, the people here,,,, r cul,,,,”

still visits benjamin every once in a while. not a way to say that uwu you should forgive ur abusive parent(s) uwu rather that jo.... still has slight belief in him. just to end on something emo.

THE REST IS HISTORY!!!!

TL;DR:

started life out as a saddie, not a baddie. still not a baddie, but no longer as much of a saddie. loves “cats” and there is no irony to that statement. can make good niche literary jokes, but that’s about it.

PERSONALITY/MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

a child. a literal child. a child to the point that she should have supervision when she goes on grocery trips because she falls for marketing ploys so easily. can’t believe she hasn’t fallen into a pyramid scheme yet.

an absolute dumbass. again, can make some great niche william faulkner jokes, but ask her the order of the planets? “...well mars is somewhere in there.”

unironically LOVES cats - both the musical and movie. thinks jennifer hudson’s grizabella is the best. will start sharing random facts about it or old possum’s book of practical cats if she runs out of things to talk about but feels pressured to keep talking. was broken when she first read a different t.s. eliot poem and realized he was actually super dark. the only thing that got her through it was a comparison to batman :\ bruce wayne is old possum’s, batman is everything else.

to take a brief break from fun personality facts, v down on herself bc benjamin’s words rly!! stuck with her!! convinced she is an absolute idiot and does not trust her own memory. v indecisive bc of this and always longs for someone to help her figure things out. tries to distance herself from memories of her mother because, again, benjamin got to her. her love of cats doesn’t help that, but... can you believe that’s her coping mechanism? makes up for it by giving all of her love 2 everyone else!! we love tragedy!! and needing to go to therapy!!

secretly knows her love of cats is weird and dumb. a part of her knows why it’s considered one of the worst musicals ever. but LISTEN. we luv rly weird coping mechanisms!

big dreamer. will develop the most impractical goals. she usually knows they are impractical, but still..... uwu

has decided everyone is good until proven bad! except for,,,, like,,, murderers and rapists,,,,

is #StraightEdge for the most part,,,, literally has a drink maybe three times per year

says “like” a whole lot for someone who majored in english with a concentration in literature and should therefore be more eloquent.

i am not great at these sections!! feel free 2 j refer to her zodiac, personality tests, and character influences!!

literally fox 8. i put the others there bc she’s similar but wow,,,, if u read fox 8 (it’s a short story i recommend it i luv george saunders u can find a pdf online),,,, she is fox 8.

here u go here is a sample that doesnt need context: "Fox 4 woslike: No ofense, Fox 8? Your ideas are not super praktikal. Dreem, dreem, dreem, said Fox 11. Fox 41 woslike: Fox 8, does this honestly never get old for you?"

OH ALSO. she has a slet. a cat,,,,, named asparagus,,,, whom she calls “gus”,,,,, and y’all know WHY.

recent development: has downloaded tor so she can get on the dark web. why? because she thinks there will be more funny animal videos on there. is shockingly good at navigating it.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

close friends bc we luv that –– roman (nuanced), aylie (nuanced), hazel (nuanced), cleo (nuanced), vic (nuanced), marco (nuanced)

childhood friends whom she possibly had impromptu sleepovers with bc that is v soft and,,,,, y’all i left the city blank for a reason. –– hazel, marco,

on that note, the person who was like “wait,,,,,,, u know that book was turned into a musical right,,,,,, like,,,,, a musical literally everyone knows” and shook jo’s world

good influence / bad influence –– cleo, vic,

~*confidant*~

roommate

exes –– ian,

reciprocated pining

unreciprocated pining

someone..... who has accepted..... that she likes cats.... in a way that is not ironic. will see the movie with her. –– aylie,

an enemy,,,,,, aka this person was like “cats is literally the worst thing in the entire world” and now they r on jo’s very short hit list –– riley

idk!!! im also obvs up for brainstorming!!! luv that!!!

** descriptive connections page is here ( only people who i’m messaging are on it, but i ?? would love to plot w everyone ?? so don’t make the short list make u think i’m trying 2 limit it 2 these ppl auhfoeidla )

LIKE THIS OR HMU TO PLOT !

#bigbearintro #y'all my intro style evolved!#there's a tl;dr beneath the bg info bc i!! rambled!!#i feel like i went back and forth b/t proper grammar/punctuation and.... not.... caring.#also i am. dumb 2night. it j took me a hot while to figure out how to spell punctuation and it still doesnt look right the english language #is so weird????#we post this before we have many followers we die like men.

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ryncorrect · 6 years ago

Text

university!au: day6 jae

following my uni!au with young k (idk how to link my own post asbajdnskmd im Dumb) so here another one with jae lol i think im gonna make one for each one of them buttttttt no promise bc my brain works in a very mysterious way LOL

anyway leggo

warning: this is lame lmaooooo

name: park jaehyung / jae

major: politic science

other activities: guitarist (and sometimes vocalist) of university band, member of music club, founder and leader of LOL SQUAD

everyone knows that tall skinny guitarist of the band i mean he’s hard to ignore tbh

he always wears loose T-shirt, ripped jeans, a cap that he puts backward, and round big specs to campus

professors hate his ripped jeans but can’t really say anything because oh well style doesn’t define someone’s grades and boy, does this kid actually get some braincells in him

well i mean at least he never fails his classes

he has this giant LOLSQUAD badge on his backpack because he’s proud af of his title as the club founder and leader

he actually started that club so he could to brag about his gaming skill to everyone who wanted to listen but he ends up getting his ass handed to him every single time they play together smh

if he’s not in class or hanging out with his game buddies, he can be seen following that Popular Student™ kang younghyun or as jae prefers to call him, “brian” or “brIBRI” because they both joined music club and are in the band

yes yes he’s well known and easy to spot

but…

“jae? park jaehyung?? who???”

everyone refers to him as “that foreigner student”, “the American guy” or “the gamer guy”, or my favorite: “chicken little”

i will never let that joke die im sorry but seriously he looks like chicken when he plays his guitar on the stage don’t @ me

there are only like 5 students in the whole university who know his actual name

anyways in this scenario you’ve always been interested in playing guitar but haven’t gotten a chance to learn and your friend kim wonpil invites you to join music club so you’ll have friends to practice with

“you know our jaehyungie, right? he’s really chill, you’ll get along well with him!!”

deep inside you’re like

who the heck is jaehyung

but wonpil is so excited to have you there so the next week you come to the club meeting

you introduce yourself to everyone and finally you meet him

“ohmygod the chicken little!!”

“whO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING THAT”

“sorry- i mean the chicken guitarist- wait no-”

he glares at you, you laugh instead

scaring the new member challenge: failed

but yeah you’d seen him performing before and honestly you almost decided to become his fan

a l m o s t

at first he (jokingly) refuses to teach you guitar because you called him chicken little

and since then you keep calling him that just to mess with him

“hi chicken little”

“what’s poppin chicken little”

“why do you look so flustered, chicken little? do i make you nervous??”

he turns red chicken little is now an angry bird “gO AWAY NEWBIE YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

jae’s a foreigner but he speaks fluent korean

he tells you that even though he was born and grew up in america he always speaks the language with his parents

but of course since he lives abroad there are lots of words or slang he doesn’t know, so you gotta be an ass and slip some difficult words when you speak to him

he gets his revenge by replying to you in english

whenever you two are having an argument (usually over stupid things) everyone in the club suddenly gets headache

wtf they’re not even making any sense

besides music, jae is the most excited when talking about LOL or social topics because well his major

honestly idk much about politic science so cmiimw

one time someone asks for his opinion about social welfare and he ends up starting a sudden debate session with the said person about social welfare programs in south korea and america and the difference between both countries

you mention human rights and he sNAPS

i mean he gives a full 15 mins speech about it

“yknow what im sayin?”

“dude… i honestly don’t get it at all”

because he be speaking in full english like wat

he’s just so passionate about everything it’s almost adorable

a l m o s t

and it’s not only his passion but also his small eyes, his laugh, his voice, or the way he occasionally lifts his head to look at you while playing guitar and you smile and he smiles because you smile first shnshsbshs soft

even the corners of his lips are so cute wow

oh fuck im emo i love him

but you adore him just as a good friend

he’s always been bubbly and friendly with everyone, not just you, so yeah it’s really easy to fall for him but you assure yourself that you’re nOT

are we having “in denial” shit again omg im so uncreative

anyway fast forward it’s ur birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY

you decide to throw a small party at your place and invite 5 or 6 of your closest friends but damn on the d-day it rains so hard

if ur bday falls on winter then change it to snowing hard, if it’s spring then maybe there’s strong wind or something, whatever suits you fam lol

so no one comes to your party lol you are Sad

BUT THEN!!!! JAE SHOWS UP!!!!!

PARK JAEHYUNG

OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

no you didn’t invite him because idk

are we really that close??? ehhhh he probably won’t come anyway haha why bother

BUT!!!! HE SHOWS UP!!! IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR!!!

he’s carrying an umbrella but it didn’t really help apparently because he’s soaking wet

imagine that view i mean nvm

“i happened to be near here and i remember it’s your birthday today so i think i’m gonna drop by to say hi and suddenly it’s raining too hard on the way but anyway happy birthday can you let me in first i’m cold”

ofc you let jae in i mean we can’t let the chicken catch the flu amirite

but you warn him that he’ll have to leave before 11 or your RA will kick you both out the dorm lol

after a towel, two cups of hot tea, and one shared piece of chocolate cake, you told him you were supposed to have a small party tonight but no one could make it because of the rain and he’s like “hOW DARE YOU HAVING A PARTY BUT NOT INVITING ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL” and you’re just like “lol shut up chicken here eat more cake”

anyways you two spend time joking and talking about random stuff and it’s probably not the best birthday ever but at least you don’t have to spend it alone and to be honest you’re happy that he’s here

then jae pulls out his ultimate weapon

i mean his guitar

he was soaking wet but the guitar is clean and dry and all fine like hoW EVEN

“priorities” -park jaehyung

he said he gonna play a song of your choice because he came empty handed and he feels bad about it

you blush and pick whatever song comes to your mind because you can’t really think of any, and he starts strumming his guitar and sings

and while he keeps looking at you, you find yourself too can’t take your eyes off him

the song ends and you’re about to clap your hands when he suddenly starts another one

wait you’ve never heard this song before

it’s a slow song and the lyrics are all like, the sky turns dark on the birthday of the brightest star so that it’ll be the only light in his world, how he feels regretful that he has nothing to give but his small heart, and he hopes that this lovely person will hold his hand as they listen to this song together, that this lovely person will feel warm beside him

guys just imagine the song okay i can’t Romance

it’s dead silent until you whisper, “is that… a song for me?”

jae’s face turns red and he starts panicking™ like “i made up the lyrics just now okay i know it’s fricking sappy and cheesy as hell okay i just uhhh want to cheer you up!!!! because you seem kinda down!!!!! let’s not talk about this again uGh WhatEvER leT Me LIvE!!!!!”

but you chuckle and thank him, it was the best present you can get from anyone

you two stare at each other for a second that feels like years and he finally breaks the silence, “you know,,, maybe i came here on purpose,,, maybe actually i want to see you,,,”

“and why is it?”

“because i think,,, i miss you,,, kinda”

and you don’t say this out loud but maybe you do know that

even if you say you’ll never

in fact you’ve already fallen for him a bit

or perhaps a lot

like a lot

then he leans in to kiss your lips and you kiss back and it’s almost not awkward at all, it just feels right as if you’ve kissed him million times before

a l m o s t

you two still blush real hard after

but yeah that’s how you two start dating

none of you two tell anyone about it but it’s pretty obvious, i mean jae always picks you up at your dorm, he walks with you to your class or vice versa (if your classes don’t overlap tho), you two keep stealing glances at each others, also—

jae with you: “hey,,,, come here sit with me u3u,,,,, did you have lunch??? oh i wrote a song last night check this out,,,, what are you gonna do this saturday? oml you’re so cute”

jae with everyone else: “HAHAHAHA FUCKING FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK ALSO BRIAN FUCKING KANG IF YOU STEAL MY FUCKING FRIES AGAIN I WILL LITERALLY SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK”

welp actually he’s not always sweet with you, sometimes you two still argue about silly things using mixed languages but now everyone in the club knows better to just run away once it begins

because it’ll end up with you two fighting or you two kissing

yes im nasty and a disappointment bye

btw wonpil is excited af it’s almost like he’s dating you both

“it’s really nice seeing you two finally together!!!!!!! especially because jaehyung really couldn’t shut up about you ever since the first day you joined our music club”

“wait wha-”

“YOU SNAKE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET FUCK OFF”

I’m so in love with park jaehyung y'all hsnshsbsh aNYWAYS!!! 100 blocks limit has lifted from tumblr app AYEEEEE

#day6 #jae #park jaehyung #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #this is embarassing smh #bye

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peachymhaechan · 6 years ago

Text

“Not even one snow angel?”

Genre: fluff

Warnings: language bc im too dumb to find better words

Pairing: Jaehyun x gender neutral reader

Author’s Note: yall it’s so cold that they had to cancel school for three days bc it’s supposed to be in the negatives for three days straight, so yall already know what that means: time to write fluff focused around Jung Jaehyun when I should be preparing for my biotechnology debate,,, yeehaw !! also: im shook that yall liked the mark mafia au so much,,, I will have another mafia au out soon, love yall !!

our story is set in fair Verona, where it is cold as tits out

jk its not actually set in Verona but ya know. Romeo and Juliet, am I rite, laid ease and gents?? (even tho that story is high key messed up and I don’t really understand why people aspire to have relationships like that)

no but for real, classes for the next couple of days were cancelled because of a negative ten degree Fahrenheit wind chill, and that meant you had nothing to do (other than procrastinate your class work)

yeehaw, am I rite, laid ease and gents???

n e ways,

rather than staying in your dorm all day w your dorm mate whom you did not always get along very well with,

you decided to carpe the fuck outta that diem and play in the snow with some of you friends

lacing up the boots you shoved over four pairs of socks, you called Johnny, a kid you’d known since your freshman algebra class

“Seo, let’s go outside for once.”

“Excuse me, what? Is it the sleep deprivation talking or did I hear you just say the words lets go and outside in one sentence?” a sleepy Johnny said from the other line

“Haha, very funny, dumbass. Let’s go play in the snow,” you told him, throwing on a winter coat

“Y/N, it is eleven AM,” Johnny told you, causing you to roll your eyes as you shut the door

“Really? I had no clue, Johnny, thank you for telling me.”

“Y/N, it is eleven AM on a day when classes are cancelled,” Johnny rephrased

“Yes, I am well away. Suit up, Seo. I am on my way over, be there in five.”

on your way, you looked at all the snow and tried not to slip on ice

you made a few stops at some of your other friends’ dorms, and by the time you got to Johnny’s, there was a small army of people ready to play in the snow (and wake up Johnny)

“Mark, can I please wear your hat?” Haechan whined, flashing Mark puppy dog eyes and tugging on his sleeve

“Y/N, make him give me his hat,” the boy begged you, turning those eyes on you

“Mark, do what the baby says,” you told him, knocking on Johnny’s door

johnny seo opened the door, and before you could say anything, you were hit with a snowball in the face

“JONATHON SEO, WHAT THE FUCK???”

he started cackling and said, “Before you guys got here, I went outside and made a snowball, then put it in a bowl in my mini fridge.”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??”

“Nothing, Y/N, I thought you wanted to play in the snow?”

“Johnny, we are not IN the snow right now. We are standing in the middle of your dorm building, while snow drips down my face. I am going to destroy you when we are actually in the snow.”

“I’d like to see you try, dumbass. Oh, also: do you care if I invite someone to hang out with us today?” he asked, and for some reason, everyone pivoted their attention to the six foot tall man, which you did not notice

“Go ahead, the more the merrier. Right, guys?” you asked, and everyone nodded a little too enthusiastically

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion but didn't ask any questions

“Who all were you planning on inviting?” you asked, trying to get more info out of him

Mark, Haechan, Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin, Jeno, and Lucas all avoided eye contact

“I don’t know, probably just a few of the other guys... Ten, Taeyong, Winwin, Kun, and Jae.”

so THAT’S why they were acting weird

those two faced whores

“Jae?” you asked, trying to do some more subtle investigating

“Yes, Jae.”

“Jae as in... Jaehyun?”

“Yes, Jae as in Jaehyun.”

“Like... Jung Jaehyun?”

“Yes, Jung Jaehyun.”

“Like..... your roommate Jung Jaehyun?”

“Yes, my roommate Jung Jaehyun.”

“The one that I think is hot and told you all that I have a crush on him?”

“That’d be the one.”

oh no

oh fuck no

“Unless, of course, you want me to tell him that something has come up and he is no longer invited.”

“No, no, that’s not necessary, he can still.... he can still join us, if he wants.”

“Okay, good, because I told him to come with us, and he should be ready any minute now.”

cue Jaehyun nudging johnny out of the way so he can get out of the door

and all you could think was

ohhhhhhh mannnnnnnn, he’s hot

he had on jeans, a fluffy winter coat, gloves, and boots, but he had you quaking in your four pairs of socks, okay

you could feel your cheeks heat up when he gave you a smile

those dimples had you wEAK, BITCH

“Hi, Jaehyun!” you managed to get out, to which he responded

“Hey, Y/N! That hat looks really cute on you! You always look cute, but, ya know what I mean.”

to say you were malfunctioning would be an understatement

the boys saw you go into a full system reboot

“Let’s get going before all the snow melts!” Chenle said, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of your technical difficulty

“I doubt the snow will be melting any time soon,” Jisung mumbled, getting a slap in the arm from one of the other boys

the only sounds that registered to you were the sounds of the bickering boys, sleds dragging on the floor, and your own heart beat

okay, dawg, just play it cool.

now that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? dumb bitch.

the whole time yall walked outside, you were super aware of the proximity of Jaehyun

after about two minutes, Jaehyun was standing right! next! to! you!

wowie, babey! yee fuckin haw!

when yall finally made it to the “lawn” (whatever the fuck u wanna call it, I am not good with words, yeet) of campus- a huge hill with trees all around, right in the center of campus-

yall threw down the sleds a few of you brought, and got right to it

johnny got on a different sled and challenged you to a race, to which you naturally agreed to

while johnny was getting situated before the race, you made a snowball out of his sight, and right as it started, you nailed him in the face

“yOU MOTHER FUCKER!” johnny yelled as he fell off his sled and you took the lead

the boys all laughed (including Jaehyun! let’s gooooo!) and watched you do a half assed victory dance when you reached the bottom of the hill

winning was great and all, but you had to climb back up the hill:/

not cool, dawg:/

when you finally reached the top, you found that some of the guys were making a snowman

awwwwwwwwwwwww

Jisung saw your heart melting upon the sight and said, “Stop that, this is emo boy gang, either get on board with emotional numbness or get out.”

that stopped melting your heart, but you still loved the sight of all of them so concentrated on making a huge snowman

Jaehyun led the group, telling them what to do and assembling everything

by the time the snowman was complete, it easily was taller than you were

“yo. this is dope, bro,” johnny said to Jaehyun, pulling him into a bear hug

“thanks, bro,” Jaehyun said, laughing a bit at how ridiculous it all was

“Snowball fight time?” Jeno asked, all of the younger boys behind him, looking at you Old Folk for confirmation as to whether or not it’d be socially acceptable to start wailing balls of coldness at each other

you, johnny, and Jaehyun looked at each other and shrugged

“Why not?”

why not, indeed

without a second of hesitation, the younger boys started chucking snowballs at you three

“FUCK” “SHIT” “BITCH”

sicko mode or mo bamba?

“DIVIDE AND CONQUER, DIVIDE AND CONQUER!” you yelled, all three of you taking off in different directions, making the boys split up their force to follow

for some reason, Jaehyun ran along with you, leaving johnny to fend for himself

“Jaehyun, this isn’t a part of the plan!” you scolded, but at the same time loved the situation yall were in

“I know, I wanted to make sure you don’t get hurt.”

wow, we stan !

“That’s awfully sweet of you, but now we have to figure out how to get rid of them.”

“I’ll make a diversion while you hide and make ammunition? Send a signal or something and i’ll find you when you’re ready,” Jaehyun told you, making a sharp left and darting through the trees, a trail of boys following him

since you were left alone, you put your hands on your blushing cheeks and then got to work

within a few minutes, you had more than enough ammunition to hit the boys with and you saw all of them at the bottom of the hill, some wrestling and some throwing wads of snow at the others

great idea: take them out from up there?? yes, let’s go y/n, coming in clutch w that idea

without warning, you began to chuck the hundreds of snowballs you made at the boys

by the time you went through all the ammo, none of the boys were left standing except for johnny and Jaehyun

johnny stood up from behind a statue in the campus center and said, “Holy shit.”

Jaehyun looked at all the boys laying in the fetal position and said, “Holy shit.”

after that, everyone wanted to go home

not sure why, after all it’s not like they just got their asses kicked in the cold

“I don’t feel like going back to the dorms so soo, though,” Jaehyun said to you and Johnny

johnny went :) idea time!

“I am feeling really tired from today, but I heard Y/N say earlier that they wanted to stop at the café at some point today and try one of the new drinks they’re making.” :) ;)

fuck

“Okay, cool. Do you want to go to the café with me, then?” Jaehyun asked you

Jaehyun asked you.

Jaehyun asked you?

“Yes, I’d love to!” you told him, handing your sled to Jaemin to take with him to the dorms

after parting ways, yall went to the café and had a kind of?? date

just a lot of small talk, what is your goal in life, what are your deepest fears, blah blah blah

on the way home, though, that was when it got REALLY couple-y

you slipped on ice!

and he went to catch you!

but he fell, too!

but he made it so that you were laying! on! top! of! him!

Hello, K-drama moment!

instead of speaking, you both stared into each other’s eyes

before you totally #securedthatman by rolling off of him

and making a snow angel

laughing, he stood up and held out a hand to help you up

“Come on, let’s get going, it’s really cold out now. Too cold for snow angels, for sure.”

“Not even one snow angel?” you asked, flashing him puppy dog eyes

“Not even one snow angel,” he confirmed and helped you up, and!

he didn’t let go of your hand!

later on, yall consider that snowball fight turned café trip to be your first date, and boy, was it cold, but your hearts sure as hell felt warm that day

in conclusion, uwu

#nct #NCT 127 #nct 2018 #nct dream #nct au #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct 127 au #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct fanfiction #nct 2018 imagines #nct 2018 au #nct 2018 scenarios #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun

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notyourgirlloser · 2 years ago

Text

alien socialite project

On a random Thursday in December I re-realized I was going to die. I first fully realized my mortality when I was 13, which led to me believing I could communicate our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ through spotify shuffle and attempted to meet him in aisle 7 of the sainsburys local down the street. Of course, i didn't find Jesus there, but a month later i my knee did spontaneously break which I then believed to be a sign from god to stop with the false idol stuff. i went to hospital to get my knee sorted (which took a full 8 months!) which led to me being put on anti-depressants because I'd moved onto the sad emo phase of being a teenager. and for the next five years I wasn't plagued by any thoughts of death. or any thoughts whatsoever, if I'm being honest. ...Buut now i'm 18 and the thoughts are back…accompanied by the all-consuming fear that i wasted my teen years because of my broken knee followed by covid really putting a damper on the whole teen experience. I think the whole reason im back im my embarrasing mania-depression spiral era is because i kept forgetting to take my meds at uni which led to many-a-misadventure such as me accidentelly getting high on the beach and crying in some random crackhead's arms. but staying on meds all the time is boring boring boring because i just feel numb and its fucked me up hormanally or something because I dont want to have sex and wanking is kind of just a chore that i do to fit in with my friends. and they dont even work sometimes! i still feel sad a lot especially when its dark and dull like it is in the winter. so to say fuck you to the thoughts of me wasting my life and ending up being dead and forgotten ive decided to create a 2023 bucket list! i aim to complete so i don't waste my teen years, and become a person so memorable that my death will hit the news. so memorable that when aliens come to earth in like a thousand years on an archaeological dig they decide to resurrect me for their cultural studies program with their sci-fi ressurection powers. me and beyonce of course. and maybe shakespeare? though they could probs just ask me or beyonce about shakespeare and get the jist of his whole thing. I mean i never knew the guy and I got an A* on my analysis of his work... of course if their is an afterlife and im resurrected id say put me back please id like to continue having a good time with god and my family tysm… but if being resurrected by the aliens was just like waking up from anesthesia- one moment a blank empty nothingness and the next being alive again id be very thankful i dedicated my adult years into becoming a cool famous socialite to appeal to the alien race. also im probs not gonna wait till 2023 to cause some chaos and mayhem because ive already hit sum clubs and plan to hit sum more b4 and after xmas. and new years is gonna be drama central!

ciao 4 now

barbie xxxxxxxxxxxx

#rambles #daily life #lifeblogging #am i going crazy #aliens #it girl

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bemyfriend-archive · 6 years ago

Text

Don’t Look Now (I’m Being Followed)

Word Count: 14.057

Parings: Lee Jooheon x Im Changkyun (I.M)

Genre: superhero au, college au, roommate au

Summary: Searching for some apparent place, where floated needles decide the way. I’d dig my heels but I might crack the ice, give me some solid ground. The frost sinking in my cheeks, in my fingertips, I'm frozen senseless, everyday is a winter solstice without you.

The super hero / roommate au in which one is powered by the stars while the other is powered by the frigid cold. When one half of the duo gets seriously injured right before a fatal attack on the city, will the other come to his side?

A/N: this was originally posted to a03 for the spring monsta x fic exchange, i’ve decided to cross post on here just to see how it goes, as always this is unbeta’d because i’m lazy, there is references to drug use and major character death, as well as mentions of depression and suicide

Links: A03 ll playlist

Dragging his half dead body (and entirely dead soul) into the public library, Changkyun made his way to the science section hoping for some sign from Hyejoo. It had already been close to a year since she destroyed half the town. The only reason he knew she was alive was because he still saw her stars in the moon-lit night sky.

Fading in and out of thought, he walked around in a daze as his vision unfocused. Letting his thoughts drift to the distant shores of his own mind, he was met with the confused face of a platinumed hair man around the same age as him. Probably entering his first or second year of university like Changkyun himself.

Watching as the other took out his earbuds, Changkyun echoed the motion removing his own headphones. The tense air between the two was filled with the soft beats of music.

“Can I help you?” Platinum asked, removing his hand from the bookshelf as he hardened his gaze on Changkyun.

“Um, I just need that book on constellations, the black one, by Hye.” Changkyun responded feeling his hands get sweaty for some reason. Why was he nervous? Doing a once over on Platinum he realized he was almost the exact opposite of himself. First there was the hair, second this dude was dressed in pale greys and whites, thirdly he looked way too kissable, his cheeks were too soft to ignore. Changkyun just looked emo, scary, and dead inside, (which he was).

Lost in thought once more, he muttered a thanks as Platinum reached for the books once more. “Catasterismi?” Platinum asked. Giving a small nod in response, he watched on as the other took the book off the shelf and handed it to Changkyun, keeping as much space between them as possible, he acted as if he’d freeze Changkyun if the two made contact. “One strange book for one strange, and cute, boy.” Platinum smiled, showing off his dimples.

Muttering a small “thanks” he could feel himself blushing as he walked away. Cute huh? That was a new one, strange however, he was used to. Putting his headphones back on, Changkyun walked towards a corner of the library that was soaked in sunlight. The soft sounds of some My Chemical Romance song came through his headphones, helping him fall into a trance. Pulling out a chair, he sat down at an isolated table, back to the sun.

“Mama, we’re meant for the flies, and right now they’re building a coffin your size. Mama we’re all full of lies.” He sang to himself as he flipped through his book, glad that no one else was around to question his (very emo), music taste. Continuing to hum along to the song, he began to sway his head from side to side as he read through his sister’s book.

Jooheon had no idea what had come over him. What the hell was he thinking calling a stranger cute? Much less strange. He was the strange one here. Who wore a sweatshirt in the middle of July? Jooheon, that’s who. Shaking his head, he put his headphones back in being met with the soothing music of Michael Jackson. Making his way to the back of the library, meteorology book in hand, he was met with the sight of the stranger sitting in an isolated corner.

Taking a deep breath, he braved himself before walking up to the table and tapping the stranger on the shoulder. Interrupting the stranger’s hums of an outdated, and surely classic emo song, Jooheon tapped the strangers shoulder causing him to jump. And scream.

Faster than they both could realize, one of the workers was shushing them with threats of kicking them out. Bowing and apologizing to the worker, Jooheon looked back to the stranger only to be met with a glare. Giving a sheepish smile, Jooheon introduced himself. He watched as the other lowered his glare to his book before responding with his own name.

Counting it as a win with the cute stranger named Changkyun, he sat himself down across from him and opened his own book. Despite sitting directly in the sun’s harsh midday glare, Jooheon found himself occasionally glancing at Changkyun. Everytime he did, he found the other basked in the sun’s rays as if there was a halo around him. He wasn’t sure how or why, but he found himself falling for him despite the two of them having less than a conversation together.

Convinced that Changkyun was in a world of his own, Jooheon allowed himself to fully take in Changkyun. He had jet black hair, black eyes that seemed like they held both the answers for everything, and questions that no one knew to ask. He wore a black turtleneck sweater with a white line across his chest. Almost the exact opposite of what Jooheon wore, and somehow that interested him more. After all, opposites attract, right?

Almost the entire day had gone by with the two sitting in complete silence, neither wanting to spark a conversation that could lead to something more. Between them a stack of books in a variety of titles, authors, thickness, colors, and topics acted as a wall. A physical boundary to prevent them from talking. Hearing Changkyun sigh, either in frustration, or annoyance, he watched as the other stood up and collected his books.

Continuing to watch in silence, Changkyun slowly faded out of his field of vision with his stack of books and a backpack he didn’t have before. Deciding it was time to go as well, Jooheon let out a defeated sigh as he picked up his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder. Not wanting the school year to start so he could continue reading his fictional books and not some stupid text books. Picking up his own stack of books that he had fanned through, he took out the best three and returned to the front desk.

Checking out the books, he carefully placed them in his bag before walking outside. Letting his eyes adjust to the fading sunlight, he began walking to his car only to see that Changkyun was sitting on top of a motorcycle. Somehow he wasn’t all that surprised, all the other needed was a leather jacket (and maybe pants) to complete the badass look. Unlocking his car, Jooheon tossed his bag onto the passenger seat and watched as Changkyun took off down the street.

Turning on the engine, he slammed his head against the steering wheel realizing he had forgotten to ask for Changkyun’s number. Sitting up and rubbing his forehead, he let out a small pout before putting on his seat belt and backing out of the library’s parking lot.

“I have got to stop slamming my head against things.” He whispered to nobody.

Returning to the library, Changkyun sat in the parking lot and pulled out the book that Jooheon had wanted. Taking out the note he had prepared at Kihyun’s, he slipped it in the book and walked inside. A part of him had hoped to see Jooheon again so that he could feel the other’s eyes on him. It was an odd feeling, one that he liked. He wasn’t entirely sure as to why.

Pulling open the heavy storm proof door, he approached the front desk and handed the book to the librarian. Asking them to hold it for Jooheon, he returned to his motorcycle outside and sat in silence for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. Shaking his head, he started up the engine and once again left his (now) favorite library behind.

Within a couple weeks Changkyun had given up hope of hearing from Platinum again, but yet here he was, thinking about the mysterious man dressed in all white. Parking in the lot next to his dorm building, he made his way through the front and to the main entrance. Walking up behind the shitty makeshift welcome desk, he tugged on the chair Kihyun was currently sitting in. “Your favorite resident has finally moved back in, how does that make you feel?”

“Sorry Changkyun, but Hyungwon moved in with the RA’s last week, can you believe he hasn’t even graduated and yet he’s working? He’s truly amazing.” Minhyuk turned to Changkyun and responded with a smile plastered across his face, eyes in crescents. Giving Minhyuk his infamous death glare in return, he tugged on the older’s chair making him fall out and onto the ground.

“So cold Minhyukkie, I thought I was the favorite since I’m the youngest.” He leaned back, putting his feet up on the table (most likely knocking over a binder or two in the process) he put his arm over his eyes feigning a broken heart. Faking sobs, he heard Minhyuk groan as he stood up and started rubbing his ass.

Continuing to bicker with Minhyuk, Kihyun’s smack across his chest caught his attention. Sitting up right, he turned to the pink haired male, ready to fight back only to be met with a key in front of his face along with papers.

“Oh no no no, I am NOT having a roommate, I refuse, the school can kiss my ass. Not today Pink Satan.”

“Which Pink Satan? Me or Hyungwon?” Kihyun smiled like the devil he was before shoving the papers into Changkyun’s chest and forcing him out of the chair. Laying on the ground, he watched as Minhyuk quickly took his chair back and placed his feet on Changkyun as if he were a leg rest.

“He fucking what now?” Closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath of the Summer air, he let his mind clear, feeling his face relax. “Nope.” He yelled before standing up, only to bump into Kihyun.

“Hey jackass, put aside the thought of two Pink Satans for now and meet your roommate.” Rubbing his forehead, Changkyun looked up and was met with the sight of a man dressed in white with platinum hair. “Changkyun, meet Lee Jooheon. Jooheon, meet your roommate, and pain in the ass, Im Changkyun. I pray for your mental stability.”

“Um, I can show you to our room and help you move some of your stuff in, but after that I gotta dip out for the new student orientation shit. I really only have an hour and a half, so you know, use me.” He smiled and raised his arms, forming a T as if Jooheon was just going to take his body.

Peeking at Jooheon, Changkyun noticed that the other looked more spooked than amused. “Alright room 415, here we go, party room, whoo.” Letting his head drop, he pointed to the entrance before walking towards it. Picking up a suitcase and duffle bag labeled LJH, Changkyun opened the door for the other and headed towards the elevator.

Once inside the two sat in a tense and awkward silence as the old (and probably unsafe) elevator dinged it’s way to the top floor. Maintaining the silence, Changkyun led the pair towards their room. “Just so you know, the pink haired satan, or Kihyun as some call him, is this floor’s RA. He’s chill but just don’t piss him off ya know?”

Unlocking the door, they entered the dimly lit doubles room. “I’m Im Changkyun, or I.M as some call me. Second year astrology major, early entry right out of highschool, wears too much black, probably looks like I’m always ready to kill someone, rarely talks to people outside of his group, blah blah blah. It’s all true. I’m sure you’ve heard some shit already but take it how you want it.”

Setting down Jooheon’s stuff on the plain mattress, Changkyun finished his introduction. “These beds are shit by the way, you’re gonna want a mattress topper of some kind. Anyway, I’ve told you everything you need to know about me for now, let's get you moved in.” Giving Jooheon a soft smile, he tried to make himself seem as nice as possible despite knowing it probably wouldn’t happen.

Tossing the keys and paperwork in Jooheon’s direction, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and left the room. Closing the door as softly as he could, he found himself aggravated as he walked in the direction of the stairwell.

Entering the stairwell, Changkyun began talking to himself not caring if someone heard him in passing. It’s not like it would make sense anyway. “I know he checked out the damn book and yet he couldn’t even bother giving me the time of day, but oh nooo, at the library he’s free to check me out and look at me whenever he fucking feels like it. Look at me getting my hopes up again.” Kicking the wall, he placed his head against the wall as well and breathed.

“Seven seconds in, hold five, release seven.” He whispered to himself as he continued to use the wall as support in calming himself down.

Jooheon couldn’t believe it. Not when he saw the black-cladded male basically pull a chair out from someone. Not when Kihyun had introduced them after he had stood up, and certainly not when he was trapped in the elevator with the man he now knew as Im Changkyun.

Once he was alone in the room, key and paperwork in his lap, Jooheon pulled the silver phone case off his phone. Taking out the note, he rolled it over in his hand mindlessly before unfolding it. “Since you couldn’t stop staring at me - xxx-xx-xxx - call me instead ;)” it read. He doubted that Changkyun had remembered him at all and that the note was more for fucking around together instead of building friendship that could turn into something more like Jooheon wanted.

He was already whipped for Changkyun, just from his mysterious aura and his humming along to music as he read. The other had to have people over him all the time, he just screamed attraction. Those two thoughts alone had made Jooheon too scared to call or text him, but now he didn’t have a choice, they were roommates after all. Oh my god, they were roommates. Putting his head into his hands, he rubbed at his eyes hoping it would help destress him. It didn’t.

Letting out a loud sigh, Jooheon pulled his face out of his hands slowly dragging his hands down his neck in defeat. Taking a second before looking around the room he let his thoughts run wild not making any sense.

Absorbing his surroundings (aka Changkyun’s side of the room) he noted that the other had glow in the dark stars up on the ceiling. Some formed random shapes, others made the constellations.

Changkyun’s side of the room was adorned in shades of black and silver. On the walls he had hung fairy lights (even they had black electrical cords), various posters of bands and video games, as well as some polaroids, none of which had him in them. A part of Jooheon wondered what Changkyun got up to or what kind of past he had to make him this dark and closed off. Continuing to look around and explore the small room, Jooheon found himself wanting to know everything about the other, no matter how long it took.

Starting to unpack his own stuff, the full realization of just how much they contrasted started to settle in. While Changkyun’s stuff was black and silver, Jooheon’s was white and gold. A total 180 from each other. Sneaking a peek over to Changkyun’s desk to get an idea of a good set up, he noticed astronomy textbooks among a wide array of albums and unlabeled binders. Maybe they’d have some classes together. Smiling to himself with a new found hope, he began setting up as Changkyun opened the door bringing in the rest of Jooheon’s stuff.

Once Changkyun dropped everything on Jooheon’s bed, he finally decided to speak up. “Changkyun listen, I uh just wanted to let you know that I got your note. And that I never called or texted because I was nervous and I thought I wouldn’t see you again. So let’s start over yeah? My name’s Lee Jooheon, I’m a second year transfer from abroad and I’m studying Biology.” Reaching his hand out, he watched as Changkyun simply looked at his outstretched hand.

“Nope.” Changkyun said with a soft smile before changing into a (unsurprisingly) black shirt that said “Orientation Leader” on the back with the school’s logo on the breast. He had waved and walked out. Feeling his heart sink into his stomach, the hope Jooheon had previously was gone. “Fucking idiot.” He whispered at himself as he heard the younger disappear down the hallway.

Walking back down to the RA’s table outside, Changkyun now had one mission before his orientation duty.

Slamming his hands down on the table (and most likely scaring a new student or two) he was met with Kihyun glaring up at him. “Yes Changkyun?”

“I want a new roommate.”

“Too bad.”

“He’s too cute and kind for me.”

“Then stop liking dick.”

“Um, no? Have you HAD a dick before? They're fan-fucking-tastic.”

“Fuck off and go do your OL shit gay lord.”

“Says the one with pink hair.”

“Ladies, ladies, you’re both very gay and very pretty but we have new students lets not scare them okay? At least not today?” Minhyuk had ended the conversation with a threatening smile towards the duo. Hearing whispers from both students and parents behind them, Changkyun huffed and walked away knowing soon he’d be seeing those same people. At least they knew there was a gay community on campus now.

The memories began to fade away as he finally broke out his homework. Changkyun heard the door open only to reveal a bruised up Jooheon with grocery bags on both his arms. Standing up to help his roommate (and crush) he began looking through the bags. “Hey dumbass, you forgot the milk. Again.”

“Fucking shit.” Jooheon muttered as he dropped his head in shame, allowing Changkyun to pat the other's soft locks. Feeling his heart soften towards the older’s antics once more, he began to wonder when he started feeling like this. Helping Jooheon with the groceries, he couldn’t help but wonder how he had gotten so beaten and bruised. Maybe he really was the Ice Dude.

Slamming his head against the desk, Jooheon groaned as he looked at his watch watching the time go by slower than molasses on crutches. Up hill. In the winter.

“Dude you okay?” A deep voice beside Jooheon spoke quietly, a soft prod in his side coming shortly after.

“Changkyun, buddy, pal. I love you, but why the hell did you pick morning classes. Also please don’t poke me.”

“You’re squishy it’s fun. As for morning classes, I know we both always have shit to do at night so chill, you’ll thank me for it one day.”

Moving his head to the side, Jooheon stared down Changkyun with a glare in his eye. “Yeah that’ll be the day you save my life or some bullshit.”

Finally sitting back up Jooheon let out a small sigh wishing the time could go faster. Resting his head in the palm of his hand he glanced to Changkyun. “I’m gonna go to the store after class, do you need anything?”

He watched Changkyun look at his phone and quickly cleared a notification. “Just some milk, I’ll be getting back late tonight, sorry dude.”

“All good man.”

Running out of the lecture hall, Jooheon could feel his body temperature dropping. Fast. He knew everyone was staring at him. It wasn’t often he made a beeline right after class. Running through the parking lot he unlocked his car, tossing in his bag and starting it up. Turning up the heat and letting out a small shiver, he grabbed his phone and dialed Hyunwoo before driving off.

“Where am I going papa bear?”

“Still not your dad, you’re going to the east wing on 5th and 14th. Don’t die.”

“Yeah that’s as likely to happen as me working with someone new.” Laughing to himself Jooheon drove onto the almost empty highway.

Changkyun stood up groaning. “If you’re gonna beat me, at least do it in bed after wine and dining me asshole. You know, I WAS gonna feel bad about hurting you, until you threw me through a fucking WALL.” Hardening his expression he stepped through the hole in the wall and turned to look at it. “Looks like my ass after some good dick.”

“What the literal fuck is wrong with you?”

“Says the one out here looking like a fucking twink.” Taking another look at the red head, he smiled to himself. “If you get naked and put some body glitter on I might think about sleeping with you.”

“Changkyun, the more dumbass comments you make, the more likely he is to throw you through another wall.” Turning to face Kihyun, remark ready to be made, he felt something connect with his jaw. “You see normally, I would call that lucky since you’re against Changkyun, but someone has sex on his mind. Again.”

Laying in the rubble of a new dent in their concrete floors, he raised up an arm in protest. “Not my fault my roommate is fucking hot. I can get serious if you want me to Minhyukkie. Do you wanna see my pet Wolfie?” Standing up once more, Changkyun brushed the dirt and dust off himself.

Running over to Minhyuk he connected his boot cladded foot with the older’s chest sending him against the wall Changkyun had previously gone through. Hearing the crack of Minhyuk's body against the hard concrete sent a satisfying shiver through his body.

Grinning, he watched as the older stood up clutching his chest, clearly gasping for air. “I’m that good huh? I guess I can leave everyone breathless.” Changkyun asked with a quick wink, a smirk to follow. Walking over to the barely breathing man he could hear Kihyun yelling at him to quit it. “Do you really want me to get serious? I haven’t even used my powers, do the stars scare you? Maybe one day I’ll summon Wolfie for you.”

“Get. Fucked.” Minhyuk breathed out before blacking out. Feeling his body get weak and watching as his vision blurred, he flipped off Hyungwon. “Can you ever leave time alone? For thirty seconds?” He yelled, resting his head on the rubble of the half destroyed wall.

“With you around? No.” Hyungwon smiled down at him before turning serious again. “In about an hour there’s going to be something happening, I’ll send you the location shortly. Get moving.” Nodding to Hyungwon, he stood up. “You know this wall kinda looks like..”

“Changkyun I said go.”

Letting out a small sigh he walked towards the exit, grabbing his jacket and keys off Kihyun’s workbench. “I’m gonna die to spite you both.” He muttered as he closed the door behind him. Just as quickly as the door closed, it was kicked open by a furious Kihyun screaming that “He had better not” and that “He’d stay dead this time.”

Climbing on top of his motorcycle he pulled his jacket tight around him before putting on his helmet and gloves. Starting up the engine he felt the machine roar to life under him. Patting the side he pulled down his visor, completely engulfing himself in black.

Leaving the hideout, Changkyun sped towards the highway. Driving into the blinding sunlight, a map popped up on his visor with the location of his new mission. 5th and 14th, at least he wasn’t going to the slums for once. Revving the engine and popping a wheelie, he smiled to himself as he weaved his way through the parking lot traffic.

Arriving at the location, Changkyun was met with the sight of someone dressed in hues of white and blue standing over someone or something. Inching himself forward on the bike, he tapped the side of his helmet zooming in on the stranger. He had this itching feeling that he had seen him before somewhere. Maybe this was the new ice dude Minhyuk had been going on about.

Upon closer inspection he noticed the man in white had some type of weapon on his back. “Probably to help with physical fights.” He muttered to himself. How could this dude wear so much white? White pants, white trench coat, white hood, white scarf, white boots. Changkyun was seeing more white than when he came the other night.

Brushing his platinum hair out of his face, Jooheon walked up to the now motionless body that laid in a pile of rubble. Fixing the white scarf that covered the lower part of his face. “Listen buddy, I really don’t wanna hurt you anymore, so could you maybe, I dunno, turn yourself in? Please? I have an essay due tomorrow and its not done, plus my roommate is expecting me back soon ya know?”

Hearing a motorcycle engine in the distance his head shot up. Narrowing his eyes at the noise he watched the figure on the motorcycle slowly get closer. No doubt who ever it was under the famed Lupus mask, they were inspecting Jooheon. Squatting down he prepared himself to leave. There was no way in hell he was squaring off against Lupus. Not in this lifetime, he liked living. Thank you very much.

Much to his surprise Lupus had turned their motorcycle around, the moonlight reflecting midnight blues and greys off the mechanical body, along with the constellation on their helmet before revving the engine and driving off. He watched in silence as the picked up the (probably concussed) man in front of him. Throwing the man over his shoulder, he launched himself off an ice stalagmite into the sky towards the nearest police station. “Guess the essay isn't getting finished” He whispered to himself as he continued launching himself from roof to roof.

Arriving back at the dorm, Changkyun took off his helmet and threw it into his safe along with his jacket and gloves before slamming it shut. It was all a little odd. For the longest time he was the only super in this city until this Ice Dude showed up. The biggest oddity was that Ice Dude arrived around the same time as Jooheon.

A part of him was jealous of Ice Dude's powers. Ice stalagmites to launch himself through the air, another power that summons a small field of stalagmites, his weapon (whatever it was used for, or whatever purpose it served aside from beating the shit out of people), a frost shield, an ice grenade, and some type of ice blast. What else did this dude have at his fingertips?

It had to be so much better than using physical force and the stars to fight. Granted he knew he looked badass but still, Changkyun was allowed to be envious.

It didn’t make sense to him. Jooheon showed no signs of being a super, much less a powerful one with a skill set like Ice Dude. He was just, too nice. No matter how hard he tried Changkyun couldn't picture it. Hyungwon and Kihyun had also said it was highly improbable.

Usually there was only one super protecting a city or an area.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he changed into joggers and a sweatshirt before pulling out his homework. Sitting back in his chair, he pulled his backpack up onto his lap and propped his legs up on the desk. Shuffling through his bag as he looked for his assigned readings he felt himself get lost in thought.

What if Jooheon really was the Ice Dude? Their relationship could either change dramatically or not at all. Did Jooheon not trust him enough to tell him? Feeling his gaze drop he knew he couldn’t hold that against him. He hadn’t told Jooheon he was Lupus after all.

Who could blame him? Lupus was a scary dude that never showed his full power. The last time a full power like his was shown sent the country, along with half the world, into turmoil and confusion. What else could come out of a constellation coming to life?

The only time it had happened was when his younger sister Hyejoo had seen her best friend commit suicide, shortly after the incident her jet black wolf tore through the town, hunting down the people who had harmed her friend so badly. Once it all ended Hyejoo took herself off the grid, even cutting ties with Changkyun.

Finding himself lost in thought, Changkyun thought back to how he had met Jooheon and how he fell for him instantly. Chuckling to himself with the thought of Hyejoo indirectly bringing the two together.

Sitting at his desk, Jooheon toyed with the cowbell that he had bought a few hours prior. Why? Even he didn’t know, it just looked cute. It was a Saturday which meant nothing to do until nightfall. Leaning back in his chair he let out a groan of boredom as he wondered what to do with his life. Sure he could go train, but did he want to? No.

Turning his head to look out the window, he sighed again as Sol burned herself brightly for everyone to enjoy. He could hear the distant voices of other students outside, talking about the new movie they were going to see or some party that was sure to be a rager. All signs of classes and fatigue were forgotten.

Hearing a strange bark followed by someone shushing the bark. Deciding against his better judgment to ignore it, assuming someone had snuck their dog into the dorms again, he sat up and went back to playing with the cowbell. Lost in distant thoughts of stars and a black-haired boy among them, outshining them all.

No longer feeling the time passing, he turned on his stereo, soft beats and rhythms now filling the air. Hearing the soft click of the door unlocking, the barking was closer. Narrowing his eyes, he had the sneaking suspicion that his roommate was doing something stupid again.

“JOOHEON- CLOSE TH-FUCK.” Hearing Changkyun shouting he jumped out of his chair and ran to the door. Swinging it open he was met with the sight of the younger struggling with a hyperactive grey and white husky.

“You. Did. Fucking. Not.” Letting himself turn serious, (and a mix of disappointment and pride, but he wouldn’t tell him that), Jooheon was truly clueless as to what to do.

“I made a bet with Minhyuk and Kihyun that I couldn’t dog-nap the president's dog, so here I am.” Changkyun stated simply with a smile that brightened his whole face (a shit eating grin really). As stupid, idiotic, and ridiculous as the whole situation was, Jooheon couldn’t help but find himself smiling at the younger.

Dog-napping for a bet did have a certain charm. Allowing himself to laugh, he let Changkyun release the dog into the room with a triumphant yell, along with throwing his arms into the air. Checking the hallway, Jooheon closed the door slowly before turning around to face the younger. Seeing Changkyun taking selfies with the dog, he wasn’t entirely surprised, he felt more soft than anything.

“Take that fuckers.” Changkyun whispered as he sent the pictures and began playing with the dog after closing the blinds. Maybe this is what falling in love felt like. With the smile never leaving his face, he joined the younger on the floor as the dog knocked the cowbell off his desk.

Deep in sleep, Changkyun was nowhere near his typical dreamscape, instead he stood in the rain. In front of him laid six jet black caskets, all given military honors. The rain reflected his emotions, as if he had just lost something dear to him. Looking up from the caskets, he took in the appearances of everyone around him. They were nothing but black and staticy figures, all except a girl that now passed behind everyone.

Dropping his umbrella into the mud, Changkyun began chasing after the girl only to trip and fall into a casket of his own. Slamming his fists into the silk-lined pillow and bed of the casket, he let out a roar of frustration as the walls began closing in. He was totally helpless and he hated it.

On his way back to the dorms from practice and training, Jooheon was slammed into the ground, feeling his pulse racing through his veins and directly to his head. He kicked back against the mutant currently attacking him, he watched with a sense of pride as it flew a few feet back and hit a tree. Taking a closer look at what had suddenly attacked him he realized it looked a little too much like the Beast.

Curiosity piqued, he looked at it with a tilt of his head and narrowed eyes. Maybe this whole beast thing was bigger than they all knew. As a consequence of his short-lived brainstorming session, Jooheon found himself falling through the door of a run down (and probably condemned) building.

Standing up, he brushed the dust off his body nonchalantly. Jumping a couple times to warm himself up, he opened the now broken door and stepped through before taking his weapon from his back. With a quick flick of his arm, the weapon had activated and expanded to its full length. Throwing it at the mutant, he felt a sense of pride that he had successfully locked the mutant down by its neck.

Walking closer to inspect it, it had begun to retaliate against Jooheon. Flailing it’s limbs and letting out screeches of horror that could make someone’s ears bleed. The screeches had begun to turn almost demonic before they suddenly stopped. Bending down, he encased the mutant in ice as he checked for a pulse. Nothing.

“What happened?” He whispered into the wind, as the body turned to dust and disappeared before his eyes.

Arriving back at the dorms knowing he looked like a hot mess, Jooheon sighed deeply wondering what sexual comment Changkyun was going to make this time. Resting his head against the door, he unlocked the door and swung it open lazily.

Not bothering to take off his shoes, he kicked the door shut before walking to his bed and letting himself fall.

“Well you look like a hot mess,” Called it, “You good though?”

Turning his head to look at Changkyun, he took in another deep breath wondering where this conversation was going. “Yeah just a rough and long night is all, I can sleep it off.”

“Must’ve been some bomb sex.” Changkyun stated, covering his mouth as he let out a soft laugh. Feeling his heart soften at the sight, Jooheon felt a smile creeping onto his face as he fell a tiny bit more for the mystery that was Im Changkyun.

“Yeah, it really was.” He laughed back, letting his soft chuckles rake through his body he began wondering if Changkyun held the moon. Or maybe he was the moon. He had wanted to tell the younger who he really was, but he still couldn’t risk it. Feeling his smile fall, he rolled over and faced the wall before fading off into sleep.

It had been a couple days since Jooheon came back looking roughed up, more than usual at least. Covering his yawn, he looked at the clock on his desk. Three a.m, Jooheon should have been back hours ago. He was never held up past midnight, neither of them were.

With worry washing over his body, he went to his safe and took out his combat gear getting ready just incase. Leaving the room unlocked in a hurry, he took the stairs two at a time not wanting to waste precious seconds.

Once outside he ran to his bike, attempting to contact the others hoping one was at the hideout. Much to his disappointment, no one had answered which left it up to him. If Jooheon was in danger, he had to know.

Making it to the hideout in record time, Changkyun logged himself into Minhyuk’s computers and began searching the city’s cameras and traffic lights looking for any sign of Jooheon. The neon green text flashed across his face showing various combinations of street and camera codes. Finally finding what he wanted, he marked down the location and left with one of Minhyuk’s laptops.

Arriving to the camera’s line of vision he began scanning the area not finding anything. Pulling out the laptop, he started checking other cameras in a panic. A number began flashing across the screen and several cameras. “4155012x,” He whispered, “What does that mean?” Hearing a scream followed by a crash, he put the laptop away and began running in the direction of the noise.

Turning a corner as he ran, he saw the flash of a white trench coat across his vision. The person in the coat suffered another hit, this time into the ground creating a small crater. Unsure why, Changkyun felt angry, as if someone close to him was the one being attacked instead of a total stranger.

Once Changkyun had the mutant down for good, he watched in silence as its black griffon- like body faded to ash, the white armor from its face remaining. Turning to the body dressed in white, he faced a fear he didn’t realize he had. Jooheon was X. Picking the older up, Changkyun threw him over his shoulders fireman style as walked back towards his bike.

Jooheon made no movements or sounds as the younger carried him, or even has he drove to the hospital. “I’m taking you to Hoseok, he can fix you up, better than ever.” Changkyun whispered, more to reassure himself than Jooheon who was fading in and out.

“Stay with me buddy come on, you can do it.”

Jooheon heard a dark and somewhat mystical voice speaking softly to him. He felt weak, it was something he had never felt before. Helplessness? Despair? “Yeah despair, that’s the word. Goodnight.” Letting the darkness engulf him, Jooheon felt like his body was both falling and floating at the same time. “It’s like I’m riding myself through space.” He slurred, letting his head loll to the side.

Hearing confusion in the dark voice that surrounded him, he liked that voice. It wasn’t even a voice, it was home. Home was calling for him.

Running through the darkness that was slowly eating away at his body, Jooheon screamed for help. Tears started pricking his eyes as he called for Changkyun. Changkyun would always help Jooheon, he promised. In the distance behind him, Jooheon spotted a wolf with burning red eyes getting closer to him.

Making eye contact with the animal, a voice in his head resonated out the words “You can run, but you can’t hide.” Feeling fear sink deep into his heart , he got up and began running again. Finally reaching some sort of shore, He began to claw himself out of the darkness, only to find himself falling again.

A part of him gave up on Changkyun saving him, Jooheon felt his body jerk to a stop making him scream out in pain. Something or someone was holding his wrist to stop his fall. Looking up his eyes connected with Changkyun’s star-filled ones. Only the stars were fading, leaving the darkness of the void Jooheon was caught in.

“Did you really think I’d help you? That’d I’d stop your fall and demise? Or maybe you believed in the fairy tale of opposites attracting.” As soon as the younger finished speaking, the light from his eyes had vanished, and so had he; leaving Jooheon to fall once more. As he was falling the last thing he saw was Changkyun’s eyes burn a bright red, the color expanded like a lens flare from a camera.

Waking up with a scream Jooheon found himself in some sort of infirmary in a hideout. Or maybe it was actually the hospital. Looking around the room he was met with blinding whites, for once he hated his own color. Everything smelled disinfected and disgusting. Hospital, definitely hospital.

Feeling around his bed until he found a button, he took his chances and pressed it. Within minutes a doctor with pastel pink hair was walking into his room, clipboard in hand. As well as his weapon. Sizing up the doctor, Jooheon was debating if it was worth trying to fight his way out. He didn’t want to be medicated, he didn’t need to rest. He needed to defeat the beast.

The doctor began walking in Jooheon’s direction after kicking the door closed, eyes never leaving his. They watched each other carefully, it was almost as if the doctor recognized him somehow. Glancing at his identification badge, Jooheon whispered the letters CHW.

Sitting himself up, Jooheon propped his body up on his elbows, glaring at the doctor. Those initials seemed too familiar.

“Lee Jooheon, aka X, or as Minhyuk likes to call you, Ice Dude.” The doctor smiled softly at him, his features softening as if they were friends or perhaps lovers.

“Do I know you? And why are you looking at me like that?”

CHW sat in the chair next to his bed, crossing his legs and setting his clipboard on top. Looking at the clipboard, it held all the information on Jooheon. Far more than what any doctor should have. Information on his friends, family, Changkyun, his powers.

“We have a lot to discuss Mr. Lee. Let’s start with the failed experiment of your family, code 4155012x, also known as The Beast. Oh and we contacted Mr. Son Hyunwoo, we’re all officially colleges under the guise of The Code. Welcome to the both of you, now, shall we begin?” Hyungwon finished with a bright frog-like smile.

Changkyun knew taking Jooheon to Hyungwon was a risk, but he couldn’t take him back to the hideout. What if he found out Changkyun was Lupus? He couldn’t have that. If Jooheon was injured beyond recovery he could get Hyungwon to turn back time, he could be there to help him like he should have been this time. But he wasn’t.

Jooheon was hurting all because Changkyun was afraid of him finding out. A part of him wished that Jooheon had trusted him with the information on the beast, they could have worked together. But instead the elder was now in a coma while Changkyun sat outside his door.

He knew how it all went. Jooheon woke up screaming with severe injuries. Hyungwon explained everything to him while putting him under. It was bittersweet, now Jooheon knew, but would he remember? Pulling his legs closer into himself, settling his head on his knees, he allowed his tears to fall.

Drifting off to sleep in the hallway, Changkyun made no protests when he felt someone familiar pick him up. Muscled arms pulled his frame close, forcing him to wrap his arms around the other’s neck.

“Hoseokkie, thank you for employing Hyungwon and putting up with my dumb ass.”

“Go back to sleep Changkyun.” Before he could even hear the end of the sentence, Changkyun was drifting off to sleep knowing he was protected. Hoseok may not have any abilities or powers, but his hospital was a safe haven for the freaks of nature that had these powers.

He and Kihyun ran the hospital together until Kihyun resumed school. That’s where Hyungwon came in, between his watch, Kihyun’s powers, and Hoseok’s skills. Not a single life was lost here.

Waking up in a daze, Changkyun found himself on an old and matted pure white mattress in the middle of an old processing plant. Scanning his surroundings, he spotted a girl with long black hair peering over an edge on the next floor looking down at him. Jumping to his feet, he began chasing after the girl, ignoring any signs of exhaustion were now gone. As he ran up the stairs two at a time, a feeling of familiarity washed over him.

Once he reached the top of the stairs, the girl was turning a corner down a hallway. Cautiously following her, Changkyun couldn’t help feeling like something was off. Racing to catch up to her, he rounded the corner only to be met with the sight of her silhouette at the other end of the blue and red lit hallway. Stopping in his tracks, the girl’s eyes began to glow red, the light flaring out as if it was some sort of camera glare.

Taking in her full appearance, he realized the girl was wearing the same school uniform Hyejoo had on when she disappeared. Taking a small and cautious step forward, he watched as she took a step back. It was almost like she didn’t want to be found, but yet here she was. As soon as the red light faded, she began running. Changkyun started going after her shouting her name down the empty hallways only to be met with the sound of his own voice and fast footsteps.

By the time Changkyun had caught up, the two were standing on a helipad. Hyejoo’s clothes had changed into a black skirt and white button down, along with torn leggings and black boots with a short heel. Almost as if she had just gotten out of a fight. Walking towards her slowly, she turned to look at him, face blurred out. Once she began to speak, Changkyun woke into a cold sweat, heart beating fast.

“I see you’re taking on missions again.” Changkyun stated, staring Jooheon into the ground through his visor. “I have half a mind to put you back you know that? We both know I could easily overpower you. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the twink letting you sit in on our training.” Seeing Jooheon shrink away, a part of him felt bad, but he also knew Jooheon needed the rest.

The older had been discharged less than a week ago and yet here he was. Leaving ice around the city as if there was no issues. Taking one last look at Jooheon, he picked up the thief and tossed him over his shoulder. “You can take care of his bow.” Changkyun muttered before turning away.

Once Changkyun had dropped the perp off at the police station, he drove to the hideout, heart set on working out his anger. What the hell had Jooheon been thinking? The whole team knew he needed rest but yet he was out on the field. What fucking idiots. Whatever missions Jooheon was taking on, Minhyuk or Changkyun could handle it, they all knew this. But still they allowed Jooheon onto missions without help.

A part of him had wanted to yell and scream at Jooheon, at the whole team. But he had held back, he couldn’t do that to the others. Even if he had wanted to, there was no way he could hurt Jooheon. Until he could come up with a good enough reason for Jooheon to stay off missions, he was simply going to focus on school and his own missions. It didn’t matter if they were roommates, if Jooheon was going to stop caring about himself, then Changkyun would too.

Turning his heart to stone (ice would remind him too much of Jooheon), Changkyun locked everyone out, not caring if it would bring his own self destruction.

After a few days of Changkyun ignoring him, Jooheon couldn’t take it anymore. He knew the younger was mad at him, but he couldn’t help it. If he wasn’t out on missions he felt useless no matter what he did, even if the rest gave him the chance to get ahead on homework.

Walking through the halls of the university, Jooheon spotted Minhyuk and Kihyun desperately attempting to get Changkyun’s attention with no avail. The youngest sat on the floor reading a book with his headphones on. He looked calm and blissful like that. Feeling himself fall deeper into the black hole that was Changkyun, Jooheon walked up to the trio.

Kicking Changkyun’s foot softly, he was met with a glare from the younger as he pulled off his headphones. “What do you guys want.” Jooheon felt himself shrink in front of the younger again. That wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Changkyun truly wanted to be alone.

Looking over to Minhyuk who met his eyes, a heavy silence sat on top of the four. “Can we talk? Please?” Jooheon whispered looking away from Minhyuk as he let his head drop in defeat. He already knew the answer. Changkyun had only been like this once before, back when they had found out they were roommates. It was understandable then, Jooheon had basically rejected him. But now, He had no idea what he did wrong.

Whispering a soft “Sorry.” Jooheon clutched onto his bag’s shoulder straps tight and walked away. Deciding just to go back to the hideout for some solitude, he was unsure what to feel with Changkyun closing off once more. He had been so ready to admit his crush on the younger until the silence had become deafening.

Arriving back at the dorm, some hours after driving around without purpose (aside from burning gas and killing the environment), Changkyun was relieved to find Jooheon missing. Dropping his bag on his bed, he sat down next to the discarded item. Releasing a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding, he reached over to the cord for his fairy lights and plugged them in.

Laying back on the mattress, he could feel every knot in his spine cracking and releasing after a long day of almost nothing, not including classes. Closing his eyes, Changkyun let his mind empty as he took a deep breath, constellations appearing before his closed eyelids. The stars dance and twinkled, holding something in them that he couldn’t recognize. What that would hold, he couldn’t tell.

He was curious and willing to admit that, but he also didn’t want anything to do with the strange stars. Some of them burned black, others burned white while one entered it’s supernova phase and exploded into a black hole. Feeling uneasy, Changkyun sat up and clutched his chest. Opening his eyes, he willed his heartbeat and breathing to slow.

Stars burned yellows, reds, and oranges. Only in its last cycle would a star burn white, but why would one burn black? It didn’t make sense. Black holes only brought despair and helplessness. What were the stars trying to tell him?

Zoning out, he could hear the heavy rainfall outside making its presence known against the windows.

It was late into the night by the time Jooheon had gotten back to the dorms, with it being close to two in the morning he knew there was the fifty-fifty of Changkyun either being awake or dead asleep. Hoping for the latter, he opened the door quietly wincing when he saw that Changkyun had his lights plugged in signaling he was awake.

Sighing inwardly, Jooheon put on a brave and unbothered mask, as if he wasn’t disappointed that Changkyun was awake. Kicking his shoes on and putting them next to his closet space, he silently hoped that the other had mistakenly fallen asleep at his desk again, leaving the lights in.

Taking a deep breath, he walked towards his bed, tossing his backpack to the side as if nothing was wrong. Completely ignoring the younger, Jooheon simply went about his nightly routine as if he wasn’t there and watching his every move like a wolf.

“So.” He heard Changkyun say as if he was disappointed, or possibly upset about something.

“Yeah?" Jooheon responded, still refusing to face the younger despite his growing curiosity. Stripping himself of his daily clothes and putting on his pyjamas, he could feel Changkyun’s glare on his back.

“How’re your missions going?” Oh?

“Fine I guess, nothing big yet. I haven’t felt the Beast lately so there’s that I guess. At least there’s nothing going on tonight if that means anything. Maybe things are settling down you know?” Scolding himself internally for saying more than a sentence to Changkyun, he couldn’t tell if the younger was actually curious, or getting ready to bitch him out.

“I really can help you, you do know that right? You don’t have to have some sort of redemption arc like a shitty anime. You really shouldn’t even be in the field, you should be resting. The Beast could have killed you that night, but it didn’t. Doesn’t that scare you? At all?” Changkyun sounded both concerned and upset, it was odd to say the least. “I have a lot of anger to let out, but I’m restraining myself more than you know.” He sounded disappointed now, like he wanted to unleash that rage onto Jooheon but couldn’t for some reason.

Simply humming in response, Jooheon climbed into his bed before breaking out his laptop to watch some random anime or drama. He couldn’t preticulary care at the moment. He wanted Changkyun to do something, he knew the younger was angry at him but yet he couldn’t release it. Maybe it was because it was so late at night, maybe there was something else behind it.

Seeing the lights turn off, he took that as the signal for Changkyun going to bed. Sighing in relief, Jooheon stared at his laptop screen as images flashed across it, never really catching his attention.

After a night of hardly speaking, Changkyun woke up with both a black hole and a fire in his heart. Jooheon acted like he didn’t care about his own life and well being, much less the people around him. One of those people being Changkyun himself.

By the time they went through classes, Jooheon hadn’t said a single word to him and his anger was at its breaking point. Slamming the door closed when he returned to the dorms, he found Jooheon sitting calmly at his desk with music radiating through the room through soft beats.

“You really wanna know something Jooheon? Now I’m really pissed, you simply brush me aside after I offer you help and express my concerns when I didn’t have to. I know I probably sound like a selfish prick, but really I kinda am. You’re out here risking yourself to defeat the Beast when we didn’t even know where it came from or why. You’re always risking yourself and not thinking about what the people around you have to say or what they feel. I’m one of those people you know, I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines as you destroy yourself.” Waving his hands around in anger, he was just short of yelling at the older who still wore a blank expression as he stared at Changkyun with hazed eyes.

“Are you fucking stoned right now?” Not a single part of Changkyun could believe Jooheon right now. Since when did he start smoking? Much less without him? By the looks of Jooheon’s face, he was just going to take everything Changkyun was saying and throw it aside. As if his words and he never mattered.

“Your local space gay, me, starts the day, saves it, and ends it. Be thankful prick. And what are you anyway? Are you like fucking Elsa from Disney’s hit movie Frozen from 2013? Are you gonna sing me to death? Are you gonna Let It Go? Are you gonna-” Unleashing his full fury at the smoked out Jooheon, he could feel his eyes burning red as Jooheon punched him.

Getting ready to fight back, Changkyun found himself encased in ice watching Jooheon grab his backpack and shoes as he left.

Despite the two working things out like Jooheon forced (ended was more like it), Changkyun still avoided the other as much as he could. Both in the dorms and in the field. He wasn’t going to standby and watch as Jooheon destroyed himself little by little letting this investigation and hunt get the best of him.

Tapping his foot along to the beat of his music, Changkyun finished up the last of his homework before stretching out. Letting his muscles relax, he released the breath he was holding. Allowing his head to fall back he closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft beats of some early 90’s pop rock song he couldn’t name at the moment.

Pulling his limbs back towards himself, he stood up and cracked his neck and back. Groaning, he walked to his bed and dropped himself on top. It was a successful day, his homework was done early, a professor was too hungover to come to class, a fire alarm went off in his second class and ended it, and he had managed to avoid everyone he knew all day.

The sun had finally begun to set as dinner thoughts began going through his mind. Maybe he would order something nice for once instead of cup noodles. Sushi. That’s what he’d get, yeah that sounded perfect. Sushi, a solid horror movie, and a face mask to destress and relax. “Thank fuck for Fridays.” He whispered as he smiled into his pillow and curled up into himself.

Losing himself in his thoughts and now tuned-out music, he let himself drift. Just when he felt his stress melting away into nothing, the door was unlocked and opened. Rolling onto his back and laying down a leg, he covered his face with a pillow now hearing the music he once had tuned out. He had never thought that Jooheon coming back would ruin a night, but it did.

Taking off his headphones he tossed them onto his desk with a small clatter. Sighing softly he stood up and looked for socially acceptable pants before putting in an order for sushi online. Hearing a soft “Hey” as he finally found a cleanish pair, he responded with a questioning hum.

“I have a question for you.” Jooheon stated, still in a soft tone. Jumping a little to get into his skinny jeans, Changkyun turned and looked at the older. He was looking at the ground like he was ashamed of something, and he still wore his combat outfit minus the scarf and weapon.

“You know, you have balls walking around in that thing knowing people could recognize you. Anyway, question, shoot.” Changkyun responded flatly with an uninterested tone a he pulled on a pair of partially destroyed converse.

“Well uh,” Glancing at Jooheon once more (who still stood in the doorway looking nervous), he noticed the other was playing with his hands as if he was scared. “You of all people know that I’m not exactly in the best position to be back in the field and fighting-”

“But yet you are.” He cut him off, not caring about disrespect. If Jooheon could ignore Changkyun’s well justified worries and fears, then he could put up with the tiniest amount of disrespect.

“Would you be able to help me with the Beast investigation?” Looking at the older in false shock, Changkyun mustered up the most sarcastic voice he could.

“Wow, the great Lee Jooheon aka X, aka Ice Dude, aka Prince Elsa, asking for help? Who died and replaced you.” Bringing out his more dramatic self, he covered his eyes and pretended to sob as he got down on one knee.

“Oh dearest Lee Jooheon please come back to me, I know I was ever so rude but please. An imposter now stands in thou’s place, someone who simply does not belong in this court of heroism and utmost honor! Our Ice Prince is missing, someone please alert the watch! Inform the council, we must set out search parties at once! He must have been kidnapped! Yes! That must simply be it! Our Jooheon would never run off alone! He is in danger!”

Finishing his act, Changkyun slipped on his other shoe and tied it quickly before standing up and grabbing his phone. “But seriously, who are you and what did you do with Jooheon. The Jooheon I know breaks my heart and works alone.” Stuffing his phone in his pocket, he grabbed his keys and wallet, opting out of his helmet and jacket.

“Have fun looking for someone who can actually help. That’s like me actually finding my sister.” Chuckling to himself, he walked out the door and slammed it shut.

After hours of arguing and fighting the two had somehow resolved everything, it became hard for Changkyun to remember why he was angry. Fuck he was whipped. Jooheon had revealed that he felt the Beast was his responsibility despite not really knowing why, and because of that he was taking on missions to get stronger wanting to shoulder the responsibility alone.

Changkyun was having none of it. The argument had ended in tears from both as well as an unexpected kiss that had felt all too right. After spending the night together, he awoke to the sight of a shirtless Jooheon in his bed. It was a sight that he could get used to.

Nuzzling the older awake for classes, Changkyun kissed his neck and jaw softly whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Eventually he had given up, opting for just dragging the other into the shower and waking him up that way. Instead of getting a lovey dovey Jooheon, he had gotten a salty and tired Jooheon, either way Changkyun was happy.

Going through their daily routine of classes, Changkyun noticed Jooheon began looking uneasy at one point, something had to be coming. Sure enough at the end of the day Jooheon had admitted he felt another Beast attack coming, but this time instead of being unnaturally cold, Jooheon had wanted to throw up and rip off his clothes as if his body was burning.

He could feel Jooheon’s grip tightening around his waist as Changkyun drove them into the storm. “Don’t be scared Heony, I’m not gonna hurt you, and I won’t let the Beast hurt you.” Feeling Jooheon nod into his back, Changkyun let a smile slip onto his face.

By the time they had arrived, he Beast was ravishing and destroying both everyone, and everything. With a quick phone call, the others were on their way to the fight. It would be a first to have the whole team fighting together, with the obvious exception of Hoseok and Hyunwoo.

Minhyuk had just taken a heavy hit and flew right into Changkyun. The cracking of bone was anything but a lovely sound, but they had to do this. The majority of the city had been evacuated thanks to Hyunwoo and Hoseok, others proclaimed that they’d never listen to a bunch of rag-tag teenagers and their crazy ideas. Serves them right if you asked Changkyun.

Dropping Minhyuk from his arms, he ran at the beast feeling the air flow through his hair. Jumping off one of Jooheon’s stalagmites, he focused the darkness both around him, and in him, into his fist. Hitting the Beast square in the chest, it stumbled a couple feet back as Changkyun fell back to the Earth.

Nighttime was quickly beginning to fall upon the fight. Hyungwon was trying to amplify him. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Jooheon near the Beast’s feet attempting to slow him down. Looking behind him, Minhyuk was standing up in Kihyun’s pale aura that was currently healing the older of the two. Running towards them as fast as he could, Changkyun was jumping over the rubble of the fight when he heard a roar.

“No.” He whispered, knowing what it meant. It was something Jooheon had mentioned before, that the beast could summon lightning storms as it pleased.

A blinding lightning bolt struck the ground where Minhyuk and Kihyun had stood. Hearing their screams, Changkyun screamed out for them. Again he was too late, always a little too late.

Growling, he could feel the stars taking over his body, ready to unleash a celestial rage against the Beast that had just killed two of his friends. Scratch that, the Beast that had just killed his family. Hearing Hyungwon yelling at him to stop, he could feel the constellations ripping through his body, supernovas imploding and creating new stars. Purely to fuel his rage.

He could still hear Hyungwon yelling at him to stop and calm down, that they could fix this. They always could. A new voice rang through his ears. Jooheon yelling now or never at him. Allowing himself to be consumed, stars fell from his eyes as the Beast let out another roar. Darkness began surrounding it, the five story Beast was almost completely cloaked in the dark, snuffing out the stars.

Hearing glass shatter as another bolt struck the ground, he knew Hyungwon was gone. It was just him and Jooheon. The faces of now deceased family flashed in front of his eyes. Hoseok. Hyunwoo. Minhyuk. Kihyun. Hyungwon. All of them, gone and dead.

Taking his time, Changkyun let the stars swirl around him as he screamed at the sky letting out his rage. He knew Jooheon was looking at him in horror. This was the older brother of the monster who destroyed an entire town after all. He could feel himself being lifted off the ground as he accepted the night sky into his body.

A cloud of dark matter surrounded him as he forced himself back to the ground, walking towards the Beast. It was finally breaking free of Jooheon’s ice. The Beast threw it’s fists to the building Jooheon was in with a silent roar, as if it was taking in a deep breath. Racing towards the building Changkyun could see Jooheon’s unconscious body falling towards the ground, and fast.

By the time he reached Jooheon, there was no sign of a pulse. Cradling him close, he looked into Jooheon’s now lifeless and blown out eyes. It was almost as if they had burned out. His pupils were unnaturally big and the rest of his body was slack.

Letting the anger wash over his body, Changkyun let out a roar and feels the air around him get hot and heavy. Letting his vision darken, he raised his hand summoning Lupus. “Meet wolfie bitch.” He muttered before charging at the beast with the wolf at his side. No longer in control he let the constellation wreck havoc on the beast.

Every cell of his being screamed for Jooheon but he was gone now, his crew? Gone. Hell, even Jooheon’s crew was gone. They had all lost their lives trying to kill this damned thing and it was about time he let loose. He just needed his sister first.

Picking up Jooheon’s lifeless body, he carried the older back to his motorcycle before climbing on. Sitting Jooheon in front of him, Changkyun pulled on his helmet before looking back at the beast once more. Tears pricked at his eyes as his wolf dealt damage to the beast. Starting up the engine, he pulled Jooheon as close as he could, nuzzling into his neck, no longer feeling a pulse.

“I’m sorry Heony.” He whispered as he revved the engine. Turning the motorcycle around to face the beast, Changkyun drove towards it. Hearing the wolf howl and cry as it went to town, he called it off watching it fade back into stars. “I’ll be back for you guys.” Changkyun whispered to his lost family.

After driving for a few hours (and most likely getting weird looks), Changkyun found himself standing in front of Jooheon’s family house. Getting off the bike, he took Jooheon into his arms bridal style. Walking the path that led to the house, he didn’t know what to feel. Sad? Angry? Denial? He couldn’t choose. Death happened to everyone, but why him and why now? When everyone needed him most? When Changkyun needed him most.

Knocking on the door, he wasn’t expecting anyone to answer, it was close to four in the morning after all. The only people awake were either coming back from a party, or students who had spent the whole night studying or gaming. To his surprise, Jooheon’s mother had answered the door. She had gasped in surprise, most likely not knowing just what exactly her son got up to at night.

“Please, come in.” She whispered, tears evident in her eyes. Nodding, Changkyun walked in being careful not to make too much noise. “Wh-what happened? Why is he dressed like that ice hero?” Understanding that the woman was in shock, he laid Jooheon on the couch before removing the older’s scarf and hood.

Sitting on the floor in front of the couch, Changkyun leaned his head back as he held the tears at bay. He could do this. Taking off his helmet, he rested it beside him and pulled his knees close. “Changkyun. Please.” He heard a whisper. However, it wasn’t the voice he had wanted to hear.

“It’s my fault Mrs. Lee, I wasn’t strong enough and too afraid of myself. I couldn’t protect him.” Finally letting the tears fall, he felt a pair of arms around him. “It's okay sweetie, I still have one son left. We can make it through.” He could feel the gentle sobbing of the woman, holding her close he allowed himself to cry as he sank into her touch.

“Stay tonight, and please rest.” Mrs. Lee whispered, looking towards the ground as she wiped her eyes.

“I can’t, I need to get back and figure out how I’m going to end all of this. No one else needs to die.”

“I wasn’t asking Changkyun, you can sleep in the guest bedroom or in Jooheon’s.” He watched in silence as the woman stood up and walked upstairs, clearly avoiding the sight of her only, and now deceased, son. He knew she didn’t react much, he didn’t either, maybe they were both denying everything. Wishing it was all a nightmare. If it was, at least then he could blame the stars.

Standing up, he kicked his helmet across the room in a short burst of rage. Rubbing the aches from his legs, he pulled out his phone and checked the time. Five fourteen in the morning. He stood wordless over Jooheon before taking off his weapon pack.

Throwing the dual pronged weapon to the floor, it made a noise making it clear that Changkyun had scratched the floor. Next, he tossed the backpack on top of it, vowing to destroy both. Sitting up the now pale and blue body, he removed the trench coat and allowed it to fall to the wooden floors.

Squatting down, Changkyun began to unlace the combat boots. He always found it funny how the two of them had matching boots, just in different colors. Adding them to the pile, he moved to pull off the scarf. Folding it neatly, he decided to keep it safe, either for himself or for Mrs. Lee. Placing it gently on a side table, he started taking off Jooheon’s broken chest guard. He never knew what the blue lights, that no longer shined, were for. Probably just to look cool. It seemed like something Jooheon would do after all.

Feeling himself tear up once again, Changkyun began wishing he was stronger or just more apathetic. At least then he wouldn’t be tearing up every ten minutes. Dropping the broken chest guard, he was met with the sight of the hole where Jooheon’s heart should be. Feeling his empty stomach swell, he ran to the bathroom and threw up stomach acid and water.

When was the last time he had eaten? At least two days ago now. “No wonder I couldn’t protect him, I’m a fucking mess.” Flushing the toilet, Changkyun dragged himself to the sink, cleaning his mouth and hands. Staring at himself, he found his own eyes now lifeless and dull, almost like he had died along with Jooheon. “Fuckin should have.” He responded to his own thoughts.

Closing the bathroom door behind him, Changkyun stared at the ground as he felt another breakdown coming on. The silence screamed that Jooheon was gone. All he was living for now was to kill that damned beast. There was nothing else.

Making his way back to the living room, he sat on the floor once again, this time resting his arms on Jooheon’s legs. “The stars were always so pale next to your eyes, even when I pissed you off, they challenged Sol herself. I can’t tell if this is my death, or my rebirth. Please wait for me.”

Wiping away his tears, Changkyun picked up Jooheon, who was now in a t-shirt and his thick combat pants, and carried him back to his room. Mindlessly talking to Jooheon in a small and toneless voice, he felt himself losing his soul. He was unsure of when it happened, but the older had become his Sol. Someone he needed to survive, and now he was gone.

Gently kicking open Jooheon’s door, he walked towards the bed setting down the older before pulling up the sheets. Pulling them over Jooheon, Changkyun began undressing. Staring at his scars, he wondered when it had become like this. No one told them use their powers, no one told them to stand out. They just, did. They asked for this life, no one forced them. “We were idiots weren't we?” He whispered to no one particular.

Getting under the covers, he pulled Jooheon close like he had so many times before. Nuzzling into the icy neck, he his tears fall once more until he finally drifted off.

The next morning, Changkyun woke to Jooheon’s still body. The older was paler now and his lips were beginning to tint blue. He looked like a fallen angel like this. Dressed in white, platinum hair laid flat against the pillow. Pulling himself close to Jooheon again, he could feel himself beginning to accept that Jooheon was in fact, gone.

“It feels like a dream you know? Your pale skin, closed eyes, lips turning blue. It’s hauntingly unnatural, almost like a dream.” Pausing to take a breath, he brushed some of the hair off Jooheon’s forehead. “You got me, and I had you, things that we got never flew. Please wake me up from this dream. After losing you, my entire body, and my illusions made by my folly. Let me call you once more even if it’s a fantasy, you were always my dream.”

Kissing Jooheon’s cheek, he allowed himself to linger, lost in thought. Thoughts of what could have been, no, what should have been, raced through his mind. Endless stars and galaxies filled his vision as the thoughts continued to haunt him.

“Maybe in another lifetime, another timeline, or even another universe, we could have made it. Just you and I. Goodnight my solstice.” Getting out of the bed and facing the cold and frigid air, Changkyun could feel the stillness of the atmosphere all around him. Making the bed, he tucked in Jooheon making it seem like the other was simply sleeping.

Walking backwards to the door, a new determination set in him. He had to defeat the beast. Running downstairs, Changkyun left a note for Mrs. Lee on the coffee table in the living room saying not to look for him and that’d he’d be putting an end to all of this.

Picking up his discarded helmet, he left it next to the note along with the pen. Gently placing Jooheon’s folded uniform onto the table, he picked the trench coat out of the pile before putting it on. Putting his boots on and lacing them up, Changkyun kicked the weapon up into his hand. Hearing Mrs. Lee beginning to stir upstairs, no doubt waking up to the sound of metal clanging, he walked out the door closing it as quietly as possible.

Once on the highway, Changkyun pulled up the map to Hyejoo’s hideaway. Jooheon’s weapon was now attached to his back and the white trench coat felt odd against his typical all black aesthetic. He felt like a timebomb as he raced and weaved through traffic. There was no doubt that there would be another Beast attack soon, and with civilians still in the city he had to work fast.

Stopping by their old house, he ran in like a maniac greeting his father quickly before running to Hyejoo’s room. Swinging the door open as he gasped for breath, he walked to her wardrobe and began ripping through her clothes looking for the ones he had seen in his dream.

Once he found them, he took off his backpack and shoved them in along with a few other things for her. If she was going to live off the grid she needed to take care of herself still.

The once untouched room was now a mess. Clothes thrown all over the places, drawers remained opened, but Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to care. He could fix his sister’s former room later, the Beast was more important.

Arriving to the abandoned processing plant, Changkyun got off his bike and kicked down the stand before running in. A new fire started inside of him, they were running out of time, perhaps they never had it.

Taking in a deep breath, Changkyun yelled out Hyejoo’s name. Taking deep breaths, he listened to the echoes of his own voice as he began to walk around. Soon enough he ran into the bed he had woken up on in his dream, only now it was covered in red feathers. Allowing his fight or flight to kick in, he broke out into a sprint retracing his steps where he had encountered Hyejoo before.

Once he reached the top, she was nowhere to be seen. Feeling panic set in, he yelled out her name once more, now getting desperate. Leaving the helipad he began searching the rest of the building coming across a parking garage.

After doing quick searches through all of the four floors, Changkyun had finally found her.

“Hyejoo.” He shouted, “I know that you know about the Beast. I’ve already lost too many people to it, others have too. If we worked together we can defeat it, everyone has forgotten about what you did. Some even understood. Please, come with me.” He knew he sounded desperate in his pleas, but that’s exactly what he was. There was no other way around it.

Hyejoo began walking towards him, still in her school uniform but with an oversized bomber jacket now as well. “I’ll help you brother.” she whispered.

Taking off his backpack, Changkyun handed her everything that he had brought. She accepted it with open arms before telling him that she’d meet him at his bike.

Changkyun had been right about his predictions. By the time they arrived back in the city a storm was beginning to stir above the five-story and walking natural disaster of a Beast. Once he got a good look at it, his anger was back in full force. It hadn’t even been 48 hours but yet it was back and ready to take more lives, something he wasn’t going to let happen.

Driving up closer, he felt Hyejoo let go of his waist as she jumped off the bike and summoned her wolf. Ready to scold her for doing something so stupid, he realized the entirety of what they were doing was stupid. Two teenagers taking on a highly deadly beast that wasn’t from this world without aid.

Feeling his wolf come to life he gave it the silent command to attack the Beast. Watching as the midnight body of the wolf attached itself to the beast, Changkyun drove full speed before bailing. Letting his body drop to the solid concrete ground, he felt the air get knocked out of his lungs.

Standing up, he grabbed a rock and threw it at the Beast as if it would inflict some type of damage. Watching his motorcycle explode, he watched in silence as it roared causing another lightning storm, darkness swirling around its body.

Catching up to his sister, both of the wolves were on top of the Beast keeping it distracted. Looking over to Hyejoo, she simply nodded knowing what he was thinking. With a small jump from Hyejoo and a burst of energy from Changkyun, he threw her off of his forearm, launching her at the beast. She landed a kick on it sending it stumbling backwards. The duo was shrouded in darkness, an anger felt by one became an anger felt by two. An anger that would become an unstoppable force. Once they began moving in perfect sync, the darkness around them became filled with stars, unleashing the full force of a constellation that was whole once more.

He had never fought with his sister before, hell he never expected her to come back simply because he said please. It felt natural instead of the static he constantly felt with Jooheon while they battled side by side (or each other for that matter). After all the burning stars and the freezing emptiness of outer space don’t really mix. But they almost did, almost. Fire and ice.

By the time the fight with the Beast was over, it had begun to snow. Almost as if Jooheon was giving his thanks for something that wasn’t his issue alone in the first place. Just like night and day, the sun must die so the moon can thrive. Only this time the moon wished he was the sun. One truly could not live without the other.

Within a couple days the snow in the middle of September became a worldwide phenomenon, as well as the Beast and the siblings. Changkyun and Hyejoo lead the recovery for all deceased bodies left from the Beast’s attacks. Once feared, they were both now seen as heroes. Truthfully Changkyun was shocked at Hyejoo’s apathy for seeing dead bodies, he expected to be some scarring after she had found her friend.

The funeral had slowly come and gone, all of them did. Changkyun personally recovered all of the bodies of his friends once it was over. A part of him felt that it was all too easy, maybe he didn’t care about them enough. He was emotionless. He couldn’t feel anything after Jooheon, but the others had happened before, so why couldn’t he feel anything?

Speeding down the highway in a daze, he had started to think about his bike’s tires slipping in the rain and causing a fatal accident. It’s not like he would mind anyway, everything was already lost. No matter what he did now, he couldn’t do anything to change the past.

Returning to the dorm, Changkyun removed his midnight black suit, throwing the cloths somewhere around the lifeless and stale room. Pulling out his phone, he opened Spotify and shuffled his library. Tossing the device onto his bed, he dragged himself to his desk feeling the life draining out of him, as if he had any life left to begin with.

Turning on his speaker, he listened to the quiet beeps of the bluetooth connecting to his phone. The beeping reminded him of when he had visited Jooheon in the hospital. Sure he was in a medically induced coma for close to a month, but at least he was alive.

Pulling his sweats off his desk, he used the last of his energy to put them on before sitting down on his bed. Allowing himself to fall back, he was met with the feeling of the plush mattress top. Turning onto his side and pulling himself into a fetal position, he stared at the emptiness of Jooheon’s bed.

Suddenly he felt smaller and emptier, as if he had lost his reason to live once more. That was beginning to happen more often. Turning up the music, he began singing along to the song that currently played through his speakers.

“It’s not the same, something’s changed, I never used to be able to see past the trees. A thousand unfamiliars are lying thick on the air, and I can’t breathe. Is our skin to keep the world out or our bodies in? This doesn’t look like home.” Feeling himself break out into sobs, he rolled over and pulled his pillow close. Sobbing into the pillow he allowed himself to drift off into nightmares of both his own death, and Jooheon’s.

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tinalostgirl · 4 years ago

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Old Tina/Cookie things @subbysterling

Cookie made her way to Tina’s room as soon as she was dressed and made sure she looked extra cute with a pink tinted lipgloss and a sundress that made all the right curves stand out. She was excited to meet someone like Tina, pretty, charming, sweet, and who had different views than her all together. Knocking a few times on beat to a song only she could hear she waited for the girl to answer.

Tina

After her run in with the Domme from hell and a pending punishment, Tina was looking forward to just hanging out with the new cutie on campus. She caught Tina's eye instantly and when compliments were exchanged, and plans were made, Tina was looking forward to meeting her in person. So much so that it was pretty much all she could focus on when she woke up on Sunday. Tina kept checking the time and was already jumping up from her bed and headed to the door when she heard the first knock. Tina's smile was spread from cheek to cheek when she got her first look at Cookie. Sweet indeed. "Hey there, gorgeous. You can come in if you want. Or we could go walk around campus or something? Your call."

When Cookie saw Tina in person she couldn’t contain her grin. A blush spread to her cheeks at the compliment and she shrugged a bit. “I’m down for whatever, I do wanna talk so maybe... We go inside and uh maybe order lunch or a snack or something? Get to know each other that way? Or a walk is good! Whatever you want.” Cookie didn’t think herself easily flustered, but something about Tina just got to her.

Tina

Tina couldn’t keep her hands to herself. She reached up, tucking Cookie’s her back behind her ear. “Yeah okay, that sounds like a plan,” she replied with a nod and a smile before grabbing Cookie in by the hand and shutting the door behind her. “My roomie is doing her trial claim so I’ve pretty much had the room to myself. And I already had pizza on its way, you like pizza right?” Tina plopped down into the couch, patting the seat next to her.August 31, 2020

Cookie blushed even harder as Tina's hand brushed her cheek as she moved some hair away from her face. Her smile remained but she couldn't keep her eyes on the other girl so she looked a way for a moment to just gather herself. She felt the other girl take her hand and she got tugged into Tina's room, "Oh that sounds kinda nice, not that I don't like sharing with Santana but I do miss like... Alone time ya know? Oh, also yes I love pizza so great choice.” She paused for moment, trying to gauge just how close to sit. She wanted to be friendly, open for anything, but she didn’t wanna come on to strong... She ended up not taking her own advice, and sitting flush enough to the other submissive that their shoulders and legs pressed together. “So, tell me all about you, I wanna know everything pretty girl.”

Tina

Tina couldn't help herself from instantly falling for this girl. The way she looked away and the blush on her cheeks had Tina instantly captivated. "Yeah, I like having a roomie, but it is nice to get some alone time. I can walk around naked and not have to worry about making anyone uncomfortable." She smiled and wrapped her arm around Cookie as she sat down next to her, loving the way she felt pressed up against her. "That's such a broad question. I'm ADHD, you gotta focus in for me." Tina said it with a laugh but she only halfway kidding. "I'm from Seattle. I'm a full blown lesbian. And I hate the system. Your turn."

Cookie made herself comfortable as Tina wrapped an arm around her and only grinned at the thought of the other girl walking around naked. “I mean if you in the nude makes someone uncomfortable I don’t think they’re looking properly.” She teased before biting her lip and upon hearing Tina mention Seattle perk up immediately. “Oh Im from there too!! That’s so crazy, but uhm.. I’m bisexual, and... I thought I knew what I wanted out of life but suddenly I’m very confused, but I think that’s okay you know? I like having to find answers.. Oh! I also like puzzles like genuinely any kinda puzzle is fun.”

Tina

"Yeah?" Tina raised her eyebrow and saved the dirty thought that crossed her mind for later. It was clear there was attraction between the two of them, but even Tina understood there was a proper time. "Really? How the hell have we not ran into each other before? This is crazy." Tina knew she liked this girl for a reason. She felt like she was hit with a breath of fresh air, a little breeze from home. "I miss it like crazy and I can't wait to go back." Making a face, she scooped up Cookie's legs and draped them over her lap. "I don't like being confused or trying to figure things out. I like it when things are laid out for me. But that's never been my life. Grass is always greener or something like that." "Yeah? I guess I'm kinda like a puzzle. Wanna put me together?" It was corny and Tina laughed at herself instantly, even snorted. "Sorry, you left that wide open. I had to go there."

"Mhmm, I said what I said." She grinned, and she let her eyes lock with Tina's for a moment. The tension was there, you could almost touch it in the air it was so thick, but... They could explore it later, for now just this was enough. "I mean Seattle is a big place, but you do have a point... I bet we were like ships passing in the night or whatever ya know?" She let herself be pulled closer to the girl, skin now touching skin and she moved closer of course just because she needed to get more comfortable. Not for any other reason. "Yeah I wanna move back whenever my time here is done." Cookie her chin in her hand as Tina talked not wanting interrupt her at all. "I mean having things laid out is nice, but... The satisfaction of finding all the right pieces and making it all make sense is... Unreal." Cookie snorted a laugh as well, before tilting her head back and laughing even more before shaking her head. "I mean you know what.. That's fair I shouldn't be shocked. Though.. I wouldn't mind putting you together." She gave the girl a little wink and waggle of her eyebrows before giggling at her own ridiculousness. "C'mon there's gotta be more to know about you, gorgeous."

Tina

"Ships passing in the night, I really like that." She smiled as her mind went to literal ships passing each other in the night. Tina's would be all moody and emo and all tatted up. And Cookie's would be light and majestic. With silky sails and perfectly lit in the moonlight. "I mean, I'm a singer? I really wanna be on Broadway one day. I have two moms." Tina lifted the sleeves of her shirt to show off the sleeve tattoos on both arms. "As you can see I love tattoos. I also love junk food and I'm a complete mess, but I get through most days okay." Tina was satisfied with the small rant about herself but soon turned her gaze intently on the other girl. "Okay, your turn. How many random facts can YOU give me in one breath?"

Cookie smiled as she listened to Tina talk, and she realized very quickly she could listen to Tina talk all day if she let herself, all night if she kept talking. But she showed off her tattoos and she looked them over with interest as she continued to listen before she felt Tina's gaze on her. "Oh.. Well alright uhm, I grew up in a fairly big family but I was always closest to my mom, winter is my favorite time of year not because of Christmas though, I mean I do love Christmas but I just.. Love how things look after a fresh snow fall. The crispness of it all, the sort of peaceful silence that feels like it takes over the whole world.. And it's just so pretty. And I'm not really sure what I wanna do with my life, I always kind of.. Assumed I'd be claimed and if I wanted to work or figure out something to do I would but like.. Later." She gave a shrug and took a breath after all the words she spoke, she waited holding a breath for Tina to respond afraid it wasn't enough.

Tina

Tina listened intently, even turning her body to face Cookie better and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. There were moments of being unfocused where she played with her hair or glanced down to look at her lips, but she heard everything she said and she was falling more and more into the trap that was Chloe Sterling. “I love that you love Winter and I can’t wait to go ice skating with you. And to snuggle up in front of the fire with you.” Tina pulled her in closer. “If you could be anything in the world career wise, without thinking about the system or our world that will most likely hold you back, what would you choose. One two three - go!”

#cookie #para: cookie #( i wanna be consumed by you )

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alivingghost · 7 years ago

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Late Winter Solstice/Christmasy boyfriend thoughts <3

These past few weeks, especially recent days, I’ve come to admire, respect, and love my boyfriend on a whole new level.

The other night, we stayed up until early morning just talking. He eventually started to tell me things about his past, his family, his life, that he hadn’t before. He told me something he hadn’t told anyone before. He told me a little bit of good, he told me a lot of bad. He kept prefacing and wrapping his stories up by saying that they just felt normal. Everything that has happened to him either feels unreal or usual, he’s so used to it.

It struck me then and it strikes me now. This boy has been through literal hell, and the sad part is that he’s still going through it. I haven’t written down my thoughts pertaining to Elliot recently, but now I feel like I need to. More than that, at 11:17AM, I WANT to because I realize how much this boy is a part of my life.

It’s stupid. We we watching Shane Dawson videos. I was doing some crafts and he was watching videos. I asked about what he was currently watching and he said immediately, “You won’t like it.” I just remembered Shane Dawson as an annoying emo haircut-having YouTuber. But Elliot liked him, so I decided to check out a video. I asked to watch. He perked up a little and started to tell me that I may actually like this video because they were going to somewhere haunted or something. (There’s a shit ton of horror videos that Shane makes.) We watched and I loved it, and we’ve been checking out a bunch of his videos since then.

The videos aren’t the point, but they’re important. As stupid as it is, the videos made me realize how in love I am. It made me realize how fucking awesome it is that my constellation (Antlia) points to Elliot’s (Corvus), and how cool it is that Elliot’s constellation is Corvus and his spirit is a crow. It made me think about how ravens and wolves, and crows and wolves, hunt together. How ironic, when Elliot’s animalistic spirit is a crow and mine is a wolf.

A lot of bullshit recently has thrown me against the wall and dragged me against it, side to side. I’ve been exploding, then exploding again. I’ve been anxious, I’ve lost touch with myself, and I’ve taken heat out on Elliot. For a while, it felt like it wouldn’t end. I felt horrible for doing it, obviously, but I couldn’t get it to stop. My mind was taken over and consumed by emotions not just negative, but positive. They’ve been battling it out and the blood got all up in Elliot’s business. I don’t know how to apologize, but I think re-evaluation and change is a good start.

I love Elliot. I love him more than I love oddly flavored Twizzlers (which I’m now craving- my mouth is seriously watering thinking about the sour and sweet ones, the yellow and red filled ones ugh). I love him more than dogs, which is hard to say because I really fucking love dogs. After Elliot, dogs are my soulmates. I love Elliot more than foxes, than pillows, than the night sky with a beautiful crescent or full moon. I love him more than the moon.

I always think of that quote from It’s A Wonderful Life. I would say it jokingly to him all the time with that horrible 20s gangster dialect. He never knew what it was from because he has never seen a movie in his life. But I’d say it a lot because I thought it was funny. In all honesty, I would never lasso the moon for Elliot, for anyone. That would fuck us up big time and kill us all.

Im really just making this post because I can’t exactly put into words how much Elliot means to me. He told me something the other day, and he’s gonna be mad I’m writing it here because we were fighting when he said it. He said, “We are not a unit.” Granted, he was explaining how we both have to take care of ourselves and think about ourselves, as well, not just the other, and yadayada. I disagree with him, though. There is a tie, a pretty thin string, between Elliot and I. This string is thin, it’s stretchy, it’s not harsh or hurtful like rope. It’s small, but it’s powerful. It can’t be cut no matter what.

Elliot told me earlier that once he passes, which there is a greater chance he will pass before me due to medical reasons, he’s just gonna sit beside me and wait. He’s not gonna travel yet. He’s not gonna go see The Great Wall, Paris, or go back to Romania. He’s gonna wait for me, then take me with him when the time comes. That hit me, that he said that. Not only because I realize he’ll be watching me pee and burp and dance in the car, but because he wants to watch me pee and burp and dance in the car. He wants to be there with me. He wants to hold my hand with his spirit one. He wants to face every challenge with me. It makes me really fucking happy. It doesn’t make me cry. It gives me comfort.

I love Elliot. I haven’t met him, sure, but that’s the beauty in our relationship. We are soulmates. I don’t need to touch him to know that. I don’t need to go to the fair with him to know that. We don’t need money or gifts or a house to know that. (Btw if you got some money, hook me up. We’re both #strugglingHardcore) I just have to wait for him to finish this next course of action for him, a wonderful experimental surgery for the tumor in his back. Then, only then, will I see his beautiful blue eyes in person.

We watched Call Me By Your Name the other day. He loved it. I absolutely hated it. Sure, it was entertaining. It was foreign. I love foreign films. It was weird. It was gay. Great. Fantastic. However, the editing downright sucked, the music was out of place, the dialogue was pretentious, the story-line was cut down way too much, the characters had no emotion until the last 10 minutes, the cuts were so long that the movie felt 20 hours rather than 2, etc. I realized something, though. If I had watched this movie last year, I would’ve loved it. I craved something like the love those characters had. I craved someone. When Elliot came into my life, I didn’t feel that craving. I just felt peace and love. I felt that feeling you feel when you just? You know. I felt like I had finally stopped. My mind stopped spinning, my world became happier. This boy. This boy. I really love him. I really fucking love him.

"What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary." -It’s A Wonderful Life

#elliot #boyfriends #gay #gaaaaaaay #lol

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hoothootmotherfluffers · 8 years ago

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★Um.. HQ/VLD Match up? Please? INTP. Virgo. I'm a 4'10" Mexican girl, with reddish brown short hair and somewhat long bangs that tend to cover my brown eyes. I have pale skin, I get tanned quite easily. Too bad I spend too much time online and too little time outside. I'm in the swimming team and just started playing volleyball. I can also play soccer and basketball. I'm lazy. But if I'm interested in something I'll be determined to do it no matter what. (1/?)

★I’m always late at important events and stuff. They don’t get surprised anymore. I usually wear skinny jeans and converse, but my shirts are rather colourful. In winter I wear a beanie, in summer I sometimes wear flower crowns. I work better under pressure (an ability I’ve developed as a procrastinator lmao). I love drawing, reading and writing. Sometimes I sing, too. Around strangers, I’m serious and calm. Around my friends, it’s impossible to shut me up. (2/?)

★I love making people laugh. Ah, and I make puns. Terrible puns, my friends say, but I’m sure they love them. I either have a endless smile or a resting btch face, depending on whether I had my daily cup of coffee or not. I’m sarcastic and love black humour, but I tend to make childish jokes too. Around the people I love, I’m usually really cheerful, even if I’m not feeling that well. (3/?)

★I’m the kind of person that you can talk both about that random bird that flew near you and the reason of our existence. People also ask me for advice, I guess I solve their problems better than I solve my own. Also, I don’t like cursing, so I say fudge and schist. I only curse when I get really scared or really mad. People have said I’m like an excited puppy when I talk about things I like, maybe they’re right. Idk, it’s just exciting to see that people care about what you have to say (5/6)

★Im clumsy. It’s a miracle I haven’t accidentally fallen off a cliff or something. Hmm, my favourite colour is blue. I use glasses, but only at home, and only my close friends/family have seen me wear them. AlsO I LOV OSU YEs that rhythm game. And cats, they’re pretty. Anyways, thank you for reading all this schist ;u; (6/6) idk I think I lost count or something? Sorry about that ^^’

that’s totally fine haha thanks for all this info!! also thank you for waiting lmao

for voltron i ship you with……….Keith Kogane!

-long bang squaaaaad. you two definitely share hair clips. you probably also share sunscreen, because something tells me this boy doesn’t get outside much either! (those months in the desert shack were baaaaaaaad.) also black jean buddies?? the two of you go to meet up and you’re matching in black jeans and sneakers, always. it’s incredible. you’re also both pretty athletic, and so you’ll meet up with some friends to play any of the sports and usually you’re on the winning side! he likes that he can just relax and have fun with you no matter what.

-(please put your flower crown on him pleaseeee.)

-he loves listening to you ramble!! he’s not much of a talker, and so he’s grateful when you make up most of the conversation! he’ll listen to you talk about anything and everything, and is more than happy to interject with his own opinions every now and then. he loves your bad puns (even if he’ll never admit it) and keith’s more than happy to bring you your morning coffee. he needs it as well, he totally understands.

-you definitely have a swear jar for him. please teach this guy some manners. he also thinks you’re so cute when you get excited?? it makes him excited to see you excited, and he always blushes when that excitement is over something he says. he loves surprising you with things he’s made or found, and HE LOVES YOUR GLASSES. he couldn’t form a full sentence for about three minutes the first time he saw you wear them.

overall you’re just a ball of happiness and energy and SUCH a positive influence on his life. you lit up his dark little emo heart and he’s so so happy he found you. there’s no one else he’d rather listen to ramble on about their favorite things!!

for haikyuu i ship you with………….Hanamaki Takahiro!

-your hair matches!!!! you two would be so cute. also, he’s over a foot taller than you. you’d never have to worry about not being able to reach anything ever again when you’ve got your giraffe boyfriend around!!

-he LOVES your bad puns. and your jokes. and your sarcastic comments. he’s usually pretty stoic (a fellow rbf victim? i think SO) but you’re always able to make him laugh. he always chimes in with his own sarcastic comments, and the two of you could spend an entire day just roasting anything. he’s not super lazy himself, so he’s gotten pretty good at motivating you to get around to doing things. he’s even gotten you to show up only three minutes late before!! (everyone was shocked.)

-hanamaki loves your singing voice. whether you’re just joking around or he caught you singing seriously in the kitchen, he loves listening! he thinks it’s really soothing, and you always sing along to great songs. he goes to you for advice pretty often, and is pretty good at helping you sort out your own problems. i really feel like the two of you would be great problem solvers for any kind of situation! just……after you guys have had your coffee. come back in an hour.

-you two have stayed up so late talking about things. he doesn’t know how it happens, but suddenly it’s two in the morning and the conversation has drifted to that one time you saw a professional pancake flipper while on a date and he’s now seriously considering a culinary career because of it. he’s somehow always there to catch you when you fall or stumble, and is a great buffer between you and the potential cliffs. you don’t have to worry when he’s around!

i hope you liked it!!! -mod chimi

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #voltron matchups #vld matchups #keith kogane #keith vld #red paladin #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq #haikyuu matchups #hq matchups #matchups #hanamaki takahiro #hanamaki #mod chimi #i love hanamaki lmao i love his peace signs #i feel like he'd do that all the time

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positive-stress · 8 years ago

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Bands 4 the Sads

Hi I know I never use this blog, this is a weird thing. I’m making a big list of musics that get me through the Sadtimes. It’s for a facebook group but you can look at it too! Warning: this is gonna get long. I’m a sad boy.

Some of these are happy for when you need to fight the feels, and some of these are sad for when you need to feel the feels. I’ve included short blurbs with each one so you should know what you’re getting into.

I’m gonna break this up into songs, albums, and bands. Here We Go [INHALES]

BANDS

Fall Out Boy Obviously.

Good Clean Fun A goofy-ass positive hardcore band. They’re vegan straightedge but don’t let that turn you off. If I can listen to hip-hop, you can listen to this.

Jukebox the Ghost The best boys!!!! I love these good good piano rock boys. You will never have so much fun jamming out to an upbeat song about the end of the world. Their album Everything Under the Sun is a god damn masterpiece.

Math the Band If you know me at all, this is the biggest not-surprise ever. Math the Fuckin’ Band. The goofiest, funnest band in the world. It is impossible to feel sad while listening to their sick jams.

The Mountain Goats John Darnielle is maybe the most talented songwriter in the world. An emotion does not exist that he can’t make you feel. Listen to The Sunset Tree.

Lil B With as much music as this guy has, it can be easy to think Lil B sucks. He can be dumb and he can be gross and he can be mean, but he always listens to his fans and tries to do better and bring positivity into the world, and I love him for it. Listen to 6 Kiss, listen to Im Gay, listen to Everything Based, listen to Angels Exodus, listen to everything. Collect the rarest tracks. TYBG.

PWR BTTM A band that will make even the most self-conscious boy (me) smear glitter all over his face before going to their shows (I did). Whether they’re making you feel unstoppable or hitting you right in the feels, this band is always the fucking best thing to listen to. Please listen to PWR BTTM, you will not be disappointed. (At the moment they only have one album, Ugly Cherries, but their second, Pageant, is coming out soon and I expect it to be every bit as worthy of this list so I’m putting them under bands.)

Snowing RIP this perfect emo band. They got a perfect EP and a perfect LP out and then had to break up because that’s how it works. Some people say they hate this guy’s voice but those people just need to be sadder, damn it. I CUT MY AAAAAAAAAAARMS OFF

Terror Pigeon! / The Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt! I don’t even know how to describe this one-man band. It doesn’t sound like anything I’ve ever heard. It’s dance music for people who feel isolated and hopeless. It’s the cheesiest, sweetest love songs you’ll ever hear. There’s very often a saxophone. Neil’s lyrics are blunt and goofy, but they’re the most heartfelt lyrics in the world. “If you put up with all of my bullshit, I promise that I’ll make you smile / I’ll remember your birthday and love you forever / The sun will be shining ‘cause we’ll be together.” Their debut album is called I Love You! I Love You! I Love You and I’m in Love With You! Have an Awesome Day! Have the Best Day of Your Life! With any other band, I’d see a name like that and say “alright, chill.” With Terror Pigeon, I feel like he really means it.

ALBUMS

Andrew W.K. - I Get Wet Sometimes you just need to party.

Born Ruffians - Red Yellow & Blue A super fun upbeat indie rock ride from start to finish. Only a little blue, only sometimes.

Carly Rae Jepsen - EMOTION BABY!!!! TAKE ME!!!! TO THE!!!! FEELING!!!!

NATSUMEN - NEVER WEAR OUT yOUR SUMMER xxx !!! The summeriest boys. The jazziest rock. This band loves summer and hates winter more than anyone in the world. Fuck winter. KILL yOUR WINTER!!!

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Let It Sway This album is criminally underappreciated. Some of the most relentlessly uplifting indie pop I’ve heard in my life. HIGHLY recommended.

Dan Deacon - Bromst If there’s any album I would say changed my life, it’s this one. Great for when you’re in a good mood and want to have fun, great for when you’re in a shit mood and want to have fun.

fun. - Aim & Ignite This band actually used to be fun! Who knew? I kind of have to be in the mood for this one but it has gotten me through some shit. Rule of thumb: listen to “Be Calm”. If it makes you feel amazing, keep going.

Japandroids - Celebration Rock I’ve never heard a band say “OOOOOHHHHHHHH” so good. Listening to Japandroids makes me feel the way I assume listening to Imagine Dragons makes normies feel. This band will make you hold one clenched fist in the air or your money back.

Cap’n Jazz - Schmap’n Schmazz Required listening for emo boyz.

Electric President - s/t This album gives me the feels like no other. Hoo boy. This is an album to curl up with on a gloomy night.

Low - I Could Live in Hope I lied, this album gives me the feels like no other. Hoo boy. I thought this album was super boring until I listened to it at 4 in the morning when I wanted to die and it hit me like a train full of sacks of bricks. Incredible album.

i hate myself - 10 Songs This is a rough one in every way. Rough on the ears, rough on the emotions, and rough on the dude’s throat. Maximum strength emo.

Los Campesinos! - Hold on Now, Youngster... The happiest sounds, the saddest feels.

My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge I know, but like, actually. This is a legitimately amazing album. Sure it’s super cheesy angsty teenager music but my god if this isn’t the perfect super cheesy angsty teenager music I don’t know what is.

Neil Cicierega - Mouth Moods Jesus christ, this album is so dumb. 10/10. A mashup album that will catch you off guard and make you laugh out loud over and over.

Ninja Sex Party - NSFW Jesus CHRIST, this album is so dumb. Honestly though, it’s made me smile at some really shitty times. At first I thought this band sucked, then I realized they’re actually the best, assuming you think it’s funny when a man in a kimono sings about boners.

Spraynard - Funtitled Like, okay. These guys hit every pop punk/emo cliche in the book. Song titles referencing comedy shows? Check. Lyrics about “this town”? Check. Whatever. This album is perfect.

The Ergs - dorkrockcorkrod An album almost entirely comprised of self-described broken-hearted love songs, in the form of some extremely fun, fast, hard punk rock.

SONGS

Algernon Cadwallader - “Motivational Song” Johnny, Johnny, get on with your life! Won’t get a chance to get on with it twice So if fuckin’ up feels right, then fuck it up! BOP SHOO BOP, SHOO BOP BOP BOP

Animal Collective - “The Purple Bottle” This song is just so god damn... bouncy. Doodoot, doodoot, doodoot

Avey Tare - “Laughing Hieroglyphic” This song hurts in the best worst way. Be careful with this one, honestly.

Fang Island - “Daisy” The ENERGY of this song. My god. This is one of those songs that just makes you feel like you’re flying.

Four Year Strong - “One Step at a Time” Just a really great song about moving forward.

Future of the Left - “Land of my Formers” A surprisingly earnest, positive breakup song from a normally surreal, pissed-off band.

Sammus - “Nighttime (feat. Izzie True)” If you’ve ever stayed up way too late just stuck in your head, this is the song for you.

[EXHALES]

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maple-keenes · 6 years ago

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a goddamn christmas miracle

pairing: logince, background sleepxiety

word count: 2880

trigger warnings: swearing, kissing

a/n: my contribution to the winter sanders sides bang!!! done in collaboration with @vegetarianwater for my @sanderssidesbang

summary: don’t fall in love with your best friend.

taglist:

@analogical-chaos @romanochez @theflatpancake @ipaniceverywherenotjustthedisco @ilovemygaydad @darknightvirgil @virgiliananxiety @romanticsanders @virgilsblogofanxietys @everyday-emo-stuff @the-incedible-sulk@iassureyouicannotwrite @creativity-killed-thekitten @cowboybitch-mas @wooflesthatwoof @lyditist @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @thesealwhodraws @ao-koshka

Roman was fucked.

Crude way to start off a story that ultimately ends in his wedding, but he was so, so fucking screwed.

Normally, Roman would have been fine spending another Christmas single and alone, but after he was forced to come out to Christian parents, they need something to prove that he really is gay.

Because he is. Right?

Unfortunately for Roman, he's single even when he is shopping in the right market. So what better idea then to just... ask a friend for help?

Logan Dalton has been his best friend since freshman year - last year, really - and Roman was desperate. Not desperate enough to actually date Logan, but desperate enough to ask him to pretend.

His parents weren't... unsupportive. They were just confused. Confused as to how they could have never noticed he wasn't straight (that was kind of on them, he had a rainbow flag on his wall), confused as to what this meant for him, besides you know, dating men and that fun stuff.

But for now, he had just barely managed to convince them he was gay by claiming he already had a boyfriend.

And who better to fake it than the one person Roman knew would never, ever, have a crush on him?

“What do you mean, ‘fake-date me’, Roman?” Logan asked quizzically.

Roman sighed. “I mean, pretend to date me so my parents think I have a boyfriend and won’t nag me about not really being gay. It’s honestly foolproof -”

“I don’t think a fool can really consider much of anything foolproof,” he muttered. Roman huffed and opened his mouth to protest, only to be cut off by Logan yet again. “But - let me finish - if it will help you feel more comfortable around your parents, I am more than happy to oblige.”

His best friend grinned. “Fantastic!” Well, new boyfriend, where shall our first date be, my dear?” he joked, looping his arm through Logan’s.

Logan glared at him, quickly disentangling himself from Roman. “I am going to Pre-Calculus. You have Advanced Choir. I’ll see you at lunch to discuss further plans.”

Roman rolled his eyes, shifting into a half smile. “Sounds wonderful. And good to know that even in a relationship, you’re still a stuck up nerd.”

He flipped Roman the bird as he walked off, though Roman was certain he was concealing a smile under all those darn textbooks. He grinned and walked in the opposite direction, happy his plan had worked out in the end.

At lunch that day, they did, in fact, make good on discussing those further plans Logan had mentioned. However, in doing so, neither thought to set an end date on their “relationship”. Perhaps it was their combined forgetfulness, but maybe it was the fact that neither boy was much interested in ending it. Whichever way, here we are (two whole years later) still pretending they’re boyfriends.

Now-seniors Roman and Logan are West Valley High School’s power couple-that-isn’t-a-couple. Brilliant Logan Dalton paired with passionate and creative Roman Arellano, both of them nothing short of gorgeous - what’s not to love?

Each other, apparently.

Both boys still claimed solely platonic feelings for each other (Logan, admittedly, falsely so - but we’ll get to that later) despite two full years of being ‘together’.

Roman smiled as he sat down next to Logan. “Hello, my darling dearest boyfriend.”

A friend of theirs, Virgil, who was sitting across from Logan, pretended to gag at the comment. “We all know you’re not dating, you don’t have to fake it around us.”

Logan scoffed. “You can deal with Roman and I keeping our cover for a few minutes. After all, we have to watch Remy attempting to stick his tongue down your throat every single damn lunch period.”

Another friend, this one the Remy in question, chuckled slightly. “They’ve got us there, Virgil.”

“You shut up.”

Remy put his hands in the air. “Logan didn’t say anything that wasn’t true! It’s always been a dream of mine to be able to get my tongue all the way down there.”

Virgil turned scarlet and shoved his boyfriend off the bench they were sharing. “I thought you were on my side, asshole!”

“I am!” he protested, picking himself back up off the ground. “Jeez, this is the thanks I get?”

Virgil turned to glare at Roman, who had collapsed into a fit of silent giggles on his side of the table. “I haven’t forgotten about you, Ro. The only reason I even care is that when you put it the way you did it, it sounds gross!”

“That’s because it is gross, Virge,” Roman said. “Besides, don’t go off on Logan and I. It’s just for cover. Still never gonna be attracted to this nerd.”

Logan rolled his eyes, apparently trying to see the back of his skull. “Though he put it rather rudely, the statement holds true for me as well.”

“You are a nerd, Lo, it’s time you accepted it…” Roman trailed off, feeling Logan’s weight shift against him as the shorter boy moved to a more comfortable position, cozying up closer to Roman. For a second, Roman felt something in his heart stir. Strange, wasn’t it?

Logan leaned his head against Roman’s shoulder as one of their other friends, Patton, arrived, starting up light conversation as they ate, mostly what classes they had and how much damn homework Palmer had assigned this week, didn’t he know they had a life? (Virgil cleverly retorted that Logan did not, in fact, have a life, to which he responded to by throwing a small piece of bread at Virgil’s head.)

After lunch, Roman was walking to his next class with an unusually quiet Patton. He glanced to his friend. “You alright, padre?”

Patton looked up at him. “You and Logan… you aren’t dating, right?”

He laughed. “God no. Why would you even suggest that? He’s my best friend pretending to be my boyfriend for the sake of my parents. You know that -”

“Roman,” Patton interrupted. “You’ve been faking it like this for two years. I think your parents get it.” He frowned. “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two?”

Roman scoffed. “Pat, I love you, but you’re seeing things.” He ran his fingers through his hair in apparent disbelief. “You cannot honestly think - there’s no way - you don’t really think there’s anything going on -”

Patton held up his hands. “I was only asking because I know Logan’s got a crush on you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Roman snickered. The utter impossibility of the situation seemed too obvious for Patton to even be considering it - which is why the little voice in Roman’s head insisted that someone like Patton couldn’t be mistaken about something like this. The guy’s dad was a therapist, after all.

It was at that moment Patton had realized what he'd actually said. "Oh, shoot. I wish I hadn't told you that. I was doing so well! Three years -"

Roman’s eyes widened and he held up his hand to stop Patton, completely confused by what his friend was saying. “You need to slow down because it sounds like you just said that Logan has had a crush on me for three years.”

Patton smiled sheepishly. “Well, yeah, I did. I wasn’t supposed to.”

“But that’s impossible!”

He sighed. “Roman, I don’t know what to tell you. Talk to Logan about it, not me. I have to go to class now - see you in English?”

Roman, still dumbfounded, could do nothing but nod.

---

It was weeks later that Roman even remembered this conversation.

Lie. He hadn’t stopped thinking about it since Patton had accidentally revealed that Logan had a crush on him. He couldn’t. That wasn’t - that wasn’t possible.

Roman laid his head down on his desk, having stopped paying even remote attention to his anatomy teacher. His mind had been on Logan since as long as he could remember.

Wait, shit. That came off wrong. He’s not interested in Logan! It was just cause of what Patton had said.

“Roman? Roman Arellano!” his teacher’s voice called, floating over his daydreams.

Roman’s head snapped up. “Yes, Dr. Palmer?”

The anatomy teacher chuckled. “Can you tell me the answer to the question I just asked you?”

“Um…” Roman racked his brain, trying to remember anything about what his teacher had been saying.

Dr. Palmer nodded solemnly. “I’d thank you to stop daydreaming about Mr. Dalton and pay attention to my lesson, Roman,” he said, and Roman blushed as the class giggled.

Virgil was waiting outside of class when Roman finished up. “How was class?” Virgil asked, walking alongside Roman as they made their way to English with Patton.

Roman groaned. “Dr. Palmer knows too much.”

His friend laughed. “Well, duh. Have you met Mr. Palmer? I swear, I can’t believe I’m saying that a teacher could beat out my boyfriend as biggest gossip in the school, but Palmer knows everything about everyone and I assume he tells his husband it too.”

“That doesn’t - they’re married? I thought they just had the same last name.” Roman shook his head. “Never mind that. I don’t particularly like getting teased by my anatomy teacher about the boy I’m not even dating.”

Virgil sighed. “But people don’t know you’re not dating, Ro. That’s the whole damn point!”

“Well, I -” Roman ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m so tired of faking it. I hate hanging out with him and - and not being able to just kiss that damn nerd because why would I, we aren’t actually together and I hate it! I hate… I hate… I don’t even know anymore, Virge.”

Virgil stared at him. “You’re totally in love with him,” he said, laughing. “You are so, so totally in love with Logan. And here I was, believing your insistence that you would never, ever like him romantically when really you’re completely and totally in love with that guy!”

“Who’s Roman in love with?” Patton asked, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

Roman started. “No one.”

“Logan!” Virgil responded.

Patton laughed. “That works out then, doesn’t it?”

“I am not in love with Logan. I’ve said a million times it’s just for my parents, and we’re just gonna fake it until we don’t need to anymore.” He sighed.

Virgil and Patton shared a look. “Virge, let Petersen know we’ll be inside in a couple minutes. I need to talk to Roman,” Patton said.

Roman rolled his eyes. “Patton, there’s nothing -”

“Let me talk, okay? Ro, I wish I didn’t have to do this, but kiddo. You’re clearly in love with Logan. And he likes you back! You should just talk to him, that’s really all you can do.”

“He doesn’t like me back,” he huffed.

Patton gave him a deadpan stare. “He does. And you have to talk to him about it.”

“Give it a rest, Pat! I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. There’s nothing to talk about!”

His friend closed his eyes, seemingly frustrated with Roman. “Just… Christmas is in three weeks. Talk to him before then? Please?”

“Fine.”

Roman and Logan did not talk. Something had… happened, between the two of them. They weren’t talking at all. Logan normally came over for dinner on Wednesdays, and he just didn’t show up. Roman’s parents were concerned as well; they loved Logan like their own son. Possibly more, because Logan didn’t scream Broadway songs at the top of his lungs at midnight.

Roman was certain that he wasn’t interested in Logan, and that Logan wasn’t into him. That wasn’t possible.

They finally ran into each other as Roman was leaving Anatomy. This was his chance - finally.

“Logan!” Roman called, his best friend turning around in the doorway.

“Oh. Yes. Hello, Roman.” Logan nodded. “Well, it was nice seeing you -”

Roman grabbed his arm and dragged him off to the side. “Why are you avoiding me? People are getting concerned. Toby asked me if we broke up. You can’t just drop off the radar like that!” He sighed. “Please, honey, talk to me.”

Logan sighed. "Roman, it's not that easy..."

"Yes it is!" he exclaimed. "You've been dodging me for three days. What did I do?"

"It's not something you did," Logan responded quietly. "It's something I did."

"Nothing you could do or have done would make me mad, Logan."

"Then fine." He sighed. “I harbor intense romantic feelings towards you, also known as a "crush", and this year, when we go to your parents for Christmas, I want to go as your boyfriend for real."

Roman tried to stutter out a response, but couldn't make anything come out. Logan... liked him? Logan, his fake boyfriend of two years, had a crush on him. For real. Roman honestly couldn't wrap his head around it. “No way.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “What do you mean, no way? I just told you, same as Patton did at the beginning of the semester. And -"

"And what?" Roman asked, still dumbfounded.

"If you still don't believe me -"

"Which I don't."

"Then I suppose I have no other choice," Logan said, standing up on the tips of his toes to kiss Roman, softly at first before the taller boy started kissing back and it turned into something more passionate, better.

Roman pulled away, eyes wide. “What the hell was that?”

Logan shrugged. “A kiss.”

“Yeah, well, I got that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Why did you do that?”

“Because, Ro,” Logan responded, his tone softening, “I love you. I truly have been in love with you for all this time.”

Roman grabbed Logan’s shirt and pulled him close, kissing him hard on the lips. Logan ran his fingers along Roman’s shoulders, both boys so entranced with the other they didn’t notice the footsteps behind them.

“Dalton! Arellano!”

The two of them sprang apart, both looking sheepish. “Hi, Dr. Picani.”

The school’s resident Psychology teacher gave them a disapproving glare. “Making out in the hallways instead of going to class, huh? I would have expected better from you two. This is something I expect from Remy and Virgil. Heck, this is something I catch them doing all the time.”

Logan did his best to stifle a grin at that. “With all due respect, Doctor -”

“Logan, I like you, I really do. You’re one of the top students in my class. But PDA is strictly against the rules. Even with the junior prom king,” he teased. “Although since I know you two won’t be repeat offenders, I’ll let you off with a warning. Sound fair?”

“More than fair, Dr. Picani.”

Lunch that day was… awkward.

"You nearly got detention from Picani? What did you do, murder someone in the hallway?" Virgil asked.

Roman mumbled something unintelligible.

Remy raised an eyebrow. "What was that?"

"I don't wanna say."

"Say it."

"I don't want to," Roman repeated.

"Say iiiiiit."

"He caught Logan and I making out in the hallway, okay?!"

Virgil's eyes widened. "No way."

Remy laughed. “Good joke. What actually happened?”

“That’s what happened. I’m not kidding, he actually nearly gave us detention for making out instead of going to class.” Roman sighed. “So I guess we’re dating for real now, or something.”

“You sound positively giddy,” Virgil deadpanned. “Come on! You two are together now?”

“I think so?” He giggled. “I honestly can’t believe it. He’s actually my boyfriend. I don’t have to lie to my parents anymore.”

Remy looked at him with confusion. “That’s what you’re more excited about? Not having to lie to your parents? Not, you know, the amazingly handsome and smart guy that is now your boyfriend?”

“Asshole.”

“It’s an objective fact, Virgil, I’m still very much in love with you, don’t worry.” Remy kissed his boyfriend on the cheek quickly. “So? Tell us everything.”

Later after lunch, in Roman’s final class of the day before they were off on winter break, he debated taking a nap because goddamn it, an hour and a half goes by so slowly when you want it to fly by. He’d been thinking about what he was gonna do for Christmas this year, especially because… Logan.

It felt weird - a good kind of weird, but still strange - to refer to Logan as his actual boyfriend. Roman wanted to shout it from the rooftops, tell everyone - but he couldn’t, because they’d just give him a weird look and ask if they hadn’t really been dating for the past two years they claimed they had been. Because they hadn’t, but as far as everyone else knew, nothing had changed.

Also, an unfortunate side effect of their previous tirade in the hallways was that being the most popular couple in school (and telling the school’s biggest gossip) half the school was laughing about how Dalton and Arellano had been caught kissing in the hallway. A freshman boy with short blue hair had asked him how he was able to date guys ‘like that’. Roman, not one to ridicule freshman, answered honestly - he had no fucking clue.

But it was all gonna be okay. Because if Roman could get a glimpse into his future, he’d see kisses, and fights, and I love yous, and eventually, a couple rings and a pair of suits and a whole lot of Roman’s mom crying.

So that’d be okay.

#logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remy sanders #logince #sleepxiety #fake dating au #sanders sides bang #sanders sides fanfic

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