#winte's tale

[a-state-of-bliss]

Above Fall/Wint 2010 - 'Highland Tale' Lily Cole by Olaf Wipperfurth

[lowkeykelz]

Elaina Porter CC List

Presets: 

Body – Pear Preset - https://www.patreon.com/posts/boataom-precious-81305947  

Eyes – N2 - https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/13mvFrZ57KApsJg0FEbyuQY-PRq29-j0u  

Cheeks – V004-V005 - https://www.sglynp.com/t92147  

Head - https://www.patreon.com/posts/so-no-head-27286784  

Nose – 4F - https://www.patreon.com/posts/yay-female-cc-37751946  

Lips – N38 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/female-new-year-60554269  

Skin Details: 

Eyes – Non-Default Add-ons2.0 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/sims-4-eyes-97425639  

Heterochromia – Heterochromia2.0 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/sims-4-eyes-97425639 

Skin Overlay – N11 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/female-new-year-60554269  

Eyebags – N2 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/perfect-eyes-76924622  

Mole - https://www.patreon.com/posts/cas-nevus-30-91450329  

Eyelashes – N5_MM_Long - https://www.patreon.com/posts/skin-n25-overlay-76885065  

Nose mask- N5 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/oceane-skinblend-86600115  

Eyebrow - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-hair-facial-eyebrows/title/eyebrows-n87/id/1660464/  

Lip Mask - https://maxismatchccworld.tumblr.com/post/638278892042469376/spookysims-hello-here-is-a-small-collection-of  

Body Blush – Mole Right Cheek - https://www.patreon.com/posts/hint-of-color-by-80547102  

Hairs: 

1 - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-hair-hairstyles-female/title/iviana-hairstyle/id/1646654/  

2 - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-hair-hairstyles-female/title/kendall-hairstyle/id/1640230/  

3 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/annie-hairstyle-72000795   

4 - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-hair-hairstyles-female/title/sasha-hairstyle/id/1598273/  

5 – Sapphire Hair - https://www.quirky-introvert.com/post/november-2022-collection  

Tops: 

1 – Jenny Top 02 -  https://discord.com/channels/1091786589253939351/1116888280747753552/1252832617800138875  

2 – Lace Sleeveless Top - https://www.patreon.com/posts/sunberry-lace-24-98741782 

Bottoms: 

1 – Ruffle A Line Skirt - https://www.patreon.com/posts/rimings-bow-crop-106548144  

2 - https://gorillax3-cc.tumblr.com/post/697555976170127360/denim-shorts-bottom-new-mesh-all-lods-shadow-map  

Full Bodys: 

1 - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-clothing-female-teenadultelder-party/title/elea-dress/id/1650681/  

2 - Halara Tennis Dress V3-  https://www.patreon.com/posts/tennis-player-103466924 

3 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/elegant-dress-1-100727105  

4 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/rimings-short-108165875  

5 – Two-piece Swimwear - https://www.patreon.com/posts/rimings-summer-106853468  

6 – Puff Mini Dress - https://www.patreon.com/posts/rimings-summer-106853468  

Shoes: 

1 – Platform Espadrilles Sandals 01- https://www.patreon.com/posts/download-cottage-81592658  

2 - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-shoes-female-adult/title/high-heels-s092301/id/1671675/  

3 – High Top Sneaker 03 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/96533508  

4 - https://simfileshare.net/download/4720029/  

5 – Flat Sandals 02 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/63739835  

6 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/bride-collection-52716101  

7 – Suede Ankle Boots - https://www.patreon.com/posts/download-boots-70282178  

Accessories: 

Socks – Eunwoo Socks - https://www.patreon.com/posts/stompy-shoes-39740450  

Anklet – Right - https://www.patreon.com/posts/flower-butterfly-55954922  

Nail Polish – Square Shape - https://eunosims.tistory.com/entry/sims4cc-nail-set  

Toenail Polish - https://wightspider07.tumblr.com/post/722122874105823232/natural-nails-cc-for-female-male-child-and  

Earrings - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-accessories-female-earrings/title/sofi-diamond-earrings-v2/id/1670669/  

Ring – Ring 11 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/tale-of-love-pt-57720577  

Earmuffs - https://www.patreon.com/posts/uh0htaj-winter-78978835  

Tights - Classic Tights - https://www.patreon.com/posts/classic-tights-62248320  

Makeup: 

Lip-gloss - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-makeup-female-skindetails/title/lipgloss-n9-v2/id/1642627/  

Lipstick – Lipstick #10 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/collection-of-93651989  

Eyeshadow 1 - Eyeshadow #7 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/makeup-for-2024-106690594  

Eyeshadow 2 - https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-makeup-female-eyeshadow/title/matte-eyeshadow-n291-v1/id/1699105/  

[pokemon-ash-aus]

Imagine, if you would, False Twins Ash and his siblings finding a Mega Mewtwo X just quietly sitting in a cave that is very well-furnished, with tiny spectacles on their nose, reading a book of old fairy tales.

I mean, they are the only Mewtwos to survive the experiment so that wint happen ^^

[buttertheflame]

A List of Things To Come

*a long post*

I was on hiatus for about 5 years, but I think it's worth the risk of coming back. These are some thoughts and hot takes I've had since then up to now. My professional life is busy, but when I have the time, I'll share. Anyone interested?

Here's a preview, categorized by fandom:

A Song of Ice and Fire:

For asoiaf canon, I’ll speculate on what Jon and Val could have been, and what they could have had together, if he had not kicked the bucket. I’ll also contrast it with Jon's dreams of a life with her, and why he put the torch to it. :( Because of the root of her dislike of Mel and Shireen, I figure she will not be pleased with un-Jon.

Game of Thrones:

In GoT canon, Jon did not love Dany as much as the script suggested he would. In fact, they both failed to take responsibility for the other person. I haven't seen anyone make a statement like this before. (The PTSD is real.) But fic writers did pick up on this and tried to fix it in canon compliant stories, with a lot of success.

Supernatural:

In Supernatural s12-s14, Mary should have found her sons to be way more weird, specifically with each other. But given what we see of her in s6, her characterization is consistent. She would have, and did, ignore the red flags for an idea of family.

I’ll share approving thoughts on Sam and Dean's relationship in the final seasons, disapproving thoughts on the final season of Supernatural, and how I speculated it would either go Gencest or Destiel. We know what happened. No one walked away happy and I think the fandom was all the better for it.

Destiel is not canon. It only became a one-sided love confession. (I know there's a lot of speculation on what happened b/w the studio, the writer's room and the post-production team. Idc. Not gonna touch it.) Thoughts on how I think SPN could have made Destiel go 100% canon involve tweaking the execution and balancing out the themes of Sam and Eileen's love story, the big bad plot, and Dean and Cas's 'love' story.

Outlander:

Outlander (show-only) thoughts, foremost on Roger Mackenzie. He has vexed me from the first time he appeared on screen. I love him dearly, but he vexes me, for how he consistently affects the plot and how that defines his role among the main cast. Later on, I'll run through my favorite moments, episodes and narrative arcs.

Miscellaneous:

I'll share a list of favorite ship-centric fics I've collected over many, many, many years. (Gotta be over 10 years' worth). Along with blurbs that explain my recommendation in a non-spoilery way. Fandoms include: Harry Potter, LOTR, Supernatural, The Walking Dead, ASOIAF, Game of Thrones, Star Wars (Sequel Trilogy), The Flash, Shadowhunters [look away book fans <3], Hannibal (show-only).

I'll also post drafts of fics I never got right and never finished. Mostly GoT-canon divergent Jon/Dany fics.

Most importantly, some very dear friends have encouraged me to vent and hype up my Jonerys fic series "We Could Live Together" as I write it. It's GoT-canon divergent, but I alter some of what occurred before 6x09. Then the story re-enters book territory and moves toward ADOS conclusions. I'd also love to break down and discuss songs from the playlists when it strikes me.

This is the summary of Part 1, "A Long Way Home" (published):

After the Battle for Winterfell, Jon was captured by Bolton men then later found by Daenerys not far from Dragonstone. Their meeting blossoms into the most honest love--until Jon suddenly leaves for Winterfell, only to return to Dragonstone months later with more terrifying tales of dead men and Winter storms. When Daenerys chooses to send her armies north to fight the dead, all is certain but the matter of their bond. After the pain they'd endured, can they come together again? Or will separation be too powerful to overcome? *or* A romantic tale of choice and second chances.

This is the summary of Part 2, "Awake For Ever In Sweet Unrest" (in-progress and unpublished):

Winter has come and further fractured the realm. Yet Jon and Daenerys's betrothal and alliance is well known throughout the Seven Kingdoms. The secret that threatened to break them has made their love stronger, casting a fragrance of hope that draws to the last Targaryens all who seek refuge from political turmoil. Cersei Lannister has fled King's Landing in favor of establishing a bank in Lannisport, to guard against her deposition by the Iron Bank. Euron Greyjoy has set up a naval blockade at Oldtown, yet manages to beguile the Hightowers. And Walder Frey's sundown years threaten to pull his House into a civil war. From the Wall, Jon and Daenerys begin to wage war on the Others. Yet the age of wonder and terror, of gods and heroes, leads them and their enemies in the least expected ways. It begs the question: does all happen the way it must? *or* A romantic telling of the new War for the Dawn.

This is what I've been doing the past few years: working, (dating lol), re-reading the books and joining theory discussions on other sites. What touched my heart was readers asking for me to continue the fic series. Even as I considered it, I was conflicted. Since the show and book canon are so enmeshed, I think we were really vulnerable to being whipped and scored by D&D. But we all found ways to lick our wounds. I'm grateful we were able to become closer and stronger. I'm glad to be a part of it.

So that's my preview. If you've read this far, thank you. <3

There's more to come.

[ilovenikkisfashion]

Winter is the Season of Sewing

I just realized my pun! "Sewing"... "Snowing"...

As the days get shorter and the temperature chills, something inside me yells out, "time to knit and sew and dress up all fluffy and cute!" I can only imagine something influenced me, and it may have been a particular mobile game...

In college, the sessions between classes granted me some free time, so I decided to check out a game who's ads kept popping up on my YouTube videos - Love Nikki.

The ads were not at all what the game actually turned out to be. In fact, the ads were quite shocking - I remember the main character with pink hair, Nikki, and another young lady with silver hair, later known in the actual story as Kimi, were fighting over a shared male love interest as well as other ads that made it appear there was a "dating-sim" element, which there was not. Here's an example of an ad (I never personally saw this one, but it is a good example): https://youtube.com/shorts/H3t_r2Y_d6U?si=msTisoOq8IE82X17

If you're interested in comically bad and misleading advertisements, here's a reddit forum I found. None of the ads spark any memories unfortunately, but I may be misremembering, or the ads I saw were before someone started archiving them. https://www.reddit.com/r/LoveNikki/comments/9gnksq/love_nikki_ads/

The game is absolutely adorable and pure compared to the ads! It's such a shame that the marketing studio used shock and strange situations to promote the game, but it did get me to try it out of morbid curiosity...

You play as Nikki, a pink-haired human girl who was sent to the magically world of Miraland where you battle through styling! You start the game through a styling battle tutorial with Queen Nanari, the one who brought Nikki and her cape-wearing talking cat, Momo, to this universe. The queen did not explain why she brought the duo to Miraland, only that they would understand in due time. Nikki meets several characters throughout her journey who guide her through the different cities and kingdoms. Each chapter has about a dozen or so stage missions for you to complete through styling battles against NPC opponents. At each stage, there were currency and clothing item drops, which you could use in future styling battles or collect and use to craft new pieces that were worth more styling points.

There were 10 main style categories clothing and accessories could be labeled under, each piece having only 1 or 2 styles: Gorgeous, Elegant, Sexy, Mature, Lively, Pure, Cute, Simple, Cool and Warm. Each stage required a certain number of points towards certain categories, and you would receive a rank from "F" to "S" depending on your success. There were also 5 buttons along the bottom of the screen during the battle for you to gain additional points or to debuff or sabotage the opponent, and they could do the same to you.

My favorite aspect of the game were the different locations and culturally influenced clothing. The Apple Federation was definitely based off of the United States of America. According to the Wiki page, Welton, the founder of the Apple Federation, fought against colonist rule, and the nation is home to a diversity of people as it is immigrant-friendly. I believe the name either comes from New York City, "The Big Apple," because Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty being the most iconic symbols of liberty, freedom, and refuge for immigrants, or it could come from the notion of George Washington having chopped his father's apple (or cherry) tree as a child and praised by his father for being honest about his misdeed - I can't remember where this came from; it was like a tale passed around in elementary school, but it was apparently true.

I could go on about each nation, but I'll quickly summarize their style and real-life inspiration/influence:

Apple Federation: simple and modern styles; North American / United States inspired

Lilith Kingdom: cute and fairytale-inspired styles; very much European, most notably Greece (Wintermount), Italy (Cicia), Austria (Hayden), and Denmark, Norway, or Sweden (Hela Vi)

Cloud Empire: gorgeous and elegant styles; divided into four regions as follows: Northern Cloud (with snowfall in the mountains that divide the Cloud Empire and the North Kingdom, populated by yaks and snow leopards, this sounds like Mongolia to the north of China), Southern Cloud (the wiki listed Silvery Embroidery as an example of the style, which is reminiscent of the Miao ethnic group in Southern China, known for their elaborate silver headpieces), Western Cloud (based on the wiki description of being a land of "dancers and fortunetellers", the game is stereotyping Romani people, especially with the mention of the region having "a history of bandits", and Eastern Cloud (where the capital lies, and the Imperial Palace appears to be based off the Forbidden City in Beijing)

North Kingdom: a militant and sexy style, particularly for women; assuming this is Russia given that it borders Cloud Empire to the south, and is a nation of snow and bloodshed from in-fighting. There is also a viking/Norse-inspired city, so it this kingdom encompasses the entire Arctic North.

Republic of Wasteland: "tribal and aboriginal style"; they've lumped together different tribes and ancient cultures that are polytheistic in this region- ancient Egyptian (Wind Sand and Pale Morrow), Central Asia (Windvale), and North American Natives (Pota), the latter of which makes no sense given it's obvious inspiration

Ruin Island: sci-fi, futuristic style; this has no particular geographical influence

______________________________________________________________

This was a longer ramble than I was expecting! The point I'm trying to make is that this game, because I started playing it in the winter time, I now associate winter with styling and fashion. I've even made my own form for sewing projects!

My fiancé introduced me to Obsidian, a unique note-taking software that I am currently using to plan my sewing and styling journey! First I'm starting off with understanding what designs flatter me the most. I've gathered all my information from this person I've seen pop up on Pinterest during my research: Gabrielle Arruda. The diagrams are very informative and easy to read.

I have divided different articles of clothing and accessories into folders. Once I've got everything researched, I'll pop into the Nikki's Info Wiki and gather each piece that fits these categories.

For anything that may not be my style, I could always make it for someone else!

I am looking to make all of the clothing out of natural materials: wool, cotton, linen, etc., as I try to keep away from unnecessary plastics while designing a timeless wardrobe.

I'm excited to share this journey! My biggest wish is to have a fulfilling life where I can create, and this blog will be my journal.

[stardustdiver]

Name: Wintgeim Slafzedyrwyn (Winter Gem, Daughter of Sleeping Cedar)

Gender: Female

Age: 20 (ARR), 26 (EW)

Nameday: 9th Sun of the First Astral Moon

Hometown: Moraby Drydocks

Likes: Chilli Jam (person), Theia, Blue, Soft toys, Rum, Ocean, Grebuloff

Dislikes: Eulmore, Lolorito Nanarito, Sahagin, Leviathan

Shortly after the 7th Umbral Calamity, aged 14-15, Wint had a newfound ability, one that would more often than not get her into trouble by allowing her to learn secrets she wasnt supposed to know. As a result of these newfound abilities, she thought may aswell cause some problems along the way and joined the misfit band of pirates - the Sirens, where she meets her childhood best friend Chilli Jam, and they end up always by eachothers side and bailing eachother out of situations.

It was at this point she found herself a rapier (missing its focus) left abandoned and forgotten, she picked it up and was determined to learn the art of swordplay. Also in this time she aquires Tsukuyomi's Revolver from aboard a Garlean ship bound for Doma, and from that day onward she was determined to learn how to use a gun, so that one day she can use her loot without fear of damaging or losing it. In the meantime her loot gets stashed away in an unnamed location, to be retrieved once she has learned how to properly use her new gear.

However aunt Merlwyb (her mum Sylb's sister) wasnt overly fond of the concept that her neice was on this slippery slope of piracy, and tried to help her out. Wint however anticipated the worst result if she was caught (perhaps at the hand of rumours from fellow Sirens), and commenced evasive manoeuvres whenever Merl, Maelstrom, or Yellow Jackets were within sight.

She finally gets caught one day (aged 17) and The Admiral offers her a path: a clean slate - going to Ul'dah with a reasonable sum of money to get her going. Maybe become an adventurer, or perhaps Ul'dah has a yrade she can learn. So away she goes to Ul'dah, clean slate and a pocketful of gil, what will she do? Then around aged 19-20 she returns to Limsa and joins the Maelstrom - determined to make a change for the better.

However on one of her first squadron missions she was on a patrol mission within the area of Camp Skull Valley, when her squadron was caught by the Sahagin, and were offered to Leviathan for new thralls. Wint was somehow the only one to survive with no explanation as to why, just a lot of bad memories and a ton of questions. She is finally rescued by a second squadron and she has an arduous recovery ahead of her.

Fastforward to post A Realm Reborn, little lord Alphinaud has a new goal, and he needs members to fill the ranks. Wint gets wind of it and requests to be transferred from the Maelstrom to the Crystal Braves, where she meets the Warrior of Light themselves, and comes to learn of the echo and has many a question to ask. Ultimately she becomes reassured that her Leviathan incident was out of her hands, but also that she was not alone in experiences like this; WoL themselves had a similar incident happen to them with the Amalj'aa and Ifrit.

The Crystal Braves fall apart as they do, but like Riol, she sticks around as they are a good bunch, and she and WoL have a lot in common and a lot she still has to learn about herself; answers she will be more likely to learn with the Scions over staying with the Maelstrom.

Wint Fun Facts:

She has a scar on her forehead, many variations of tales have been told about how she received said scar, including fighting a pack of ravenous wolves, in reality she injured herself falling out of a tree as a kid.

Is fluent in the Old Roegadyn language, as Sylb taught her it because it was something she believed her dad would have wanted for her, to learn about and potentially visit his home one day.

Wint's story continues along side WoL and the Scions. Unlike Theia, her story remains just about the same - irrelevant of who is Main WoL, keeper of the Azem Stone.

[blogbridgekethy]

Winter's Tale: Comparing Snow Totals in Peabody MA and Manalapan NJ

When the winter winds start to howl and snowflakes begin to dance, the hum of snowplows becomes a symphony, and weather forecasting becomes a passion. For residents in the Northeast, keeping an eye on snow totals is as important as checking the time. In this blog post, we'll take a deep, flake-filled look at how the winter has treated Peabody, MA, and Manalapan, NJ—two towns with a lot in common but significant differences in their winter wonderlands.

The Story of Snow in Peabody, MA

A Tale of Urban Weather

Nestled just 12 miles from Manhattan, Peabody is a bustling, urban community of over 45,000 people. Its history dates back to the Native American tribe who first inhabited the area, and today, the city is a mosaic of cultures and lifestyles. When the first snow falls, Peabody prepares for city life amidst the winter's whims.

The Influence of Boroughs and Towers

The urban landscape is a thermal tapestry of boroughs and towers, each creating its own climate. From the high rises of New York City casting long shadows on the city streets to the brownstones and business centers packed within the city limits, Peabody's snowfall can be a dramatic game of inches—where location is as crucial as elevation.

Local Legends of Snowfall

Snow total Peabody MA has seen its share of historic snowfall events. From the Blizzard of 1888 which sculpted the Northeast landscape to the Snow mage don of 2010 which modernized the snow removal strategies, the city wears its winter white as a badge of honor.

The Manalapan Quandary in Pennsylvania

A Quaint Rural Borough

Manalapan is a stark contrast to Peabody. With a populace of just over 8,900, this rural community in Bucks County has remained true to its small-town ethos, even as the region has evolved. When the snow descends, Manalapan blankets fields, farms, and forests in a silence that only the countryside can offer.

The Majesty of the Manalapan Valley

Nestled within the valley, snow total Manalapan NJ is a study in tranquility. The sprawling landscape, dotted with historic colonial homes, rises and falls as if it were a part of the earth itself. Snowfall here tends to be more predictable, with fewer natural and man-made alterations to its accumulation.

Snow - A Catalyst for Community

Snow in Manalapan is not just a weather pattern; it's a catalyst for community. It brings neighbors together, prompts the curious visit of wildlife, and transforms the valley into a winter playground. Here, people measure their winter not in inches but in experiences, each snowfall etching a new memory into the collective consciousness.

The Numbers Don't Melt: Comparing Snow Totals

Microclimates and Meteorological Mischief

Both Peabody and Manalapan may fall under a single weather report, but their snow totals can be as different as the paths of two snowflakes. Microclimates play a significant role in these disparities, as does the occasional meteorological mischief that Mother Nature enjoys playing.

Historical Context and Trends

By examining historical data, it becomes clear that each town has its relationship with snow. Trends emerge that could be attributed to various factors, from climate change to urban development, each affecting the snowfall in its unique way.

Current Comparisons and the Factors at Play

Taking a snapshot of the current winter, we see that Manalapan has received more snow than Peabody, and we probe the factors that led to this difference. From the city's heat island effect on snow's lifeline to the rural valley's near-perfect snow retention, each town's topography tells the tale.

Navigating the Next Snowfall

Predictions and Projections for winter

What the rest of the winter holds for Peabody and Manalapan is a matter of prediction and projection. Meteorologists provide their insights, but ultimately, it's a waiting game that each town plays with a weather eye on the sky.

Winter Preparedness in Hindsight

As we look back on winter preparedness, we can glean lessons from each town's approach. Preparation is key, but flexibility and community cooperation are also vital tools in the kit for weathering the storms, both literal and metaphorical.

Looking to the spring

As the snow melts and the days grow long, Peabody and Manalapan will look to the spring. They will take stock of the winter that was, brush off the snowflakes, and prepare for the next chapter in the never-ending story of the weather.

In a world where we can control so little, the story of snow in these two towns is both humbling and empowering. It connects us to the earth, to the sky, and to each other. It's a reminder that no matter how much we advance, in the end, we are all at the mercy of the weather. And perhaps that's the most beautiful tale of all.

[profamer]

Handy Dictionary of Poetical Quotations: Calumny. #poetry #quotes #literature

Handy Dictionary of Poetical Quotations: Calumny. #poetry #quotes #literature

Calumny. Calumny will sear Virtue itself: these shrugs, these hums, and ha’s. SHAKS.: Wint. Tale, Act ii., Sc. 1. Thank you for visiting! Visit Project Gutenberg to find more stories like this!Contact us!+1 (615) 420-2040+55 (22) 99859-1905Send email

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

Beetlejuice Rewrite 3

Beetlejuice x Edward Deetz

Word Count: 1446

Tag List: @heartstringsymphonies @heavenshipped @the-schizotypal-cryptid @ghostlyvenus

Summary: We’ve made it to probably the last canon scene I’ll rewrite; The Wedding! (+the tail end of the exorcism) Obviously Edward is in place of Lydia when it comes to all of canon her interactions with the bugman.

Warnings: Smoking, brief suggestive mention, if you’ve seen Beetlejuice before you know the exorcism scene isn’t super fun to see :o( but it’s not mentioned in too much of explicit detail I think, if making a deal to marry a ghost in order to save your friends isn’t your thing this probably isn’t the oneshot for you sgshghs ^o^”

The dining area and living room were filled with an unearthly green glow as the exorcism began, the Maitlands’ shriveled, rotting corpses floating above the dinner table in their wedding garb.

“Stop it, you’re killing them!” Lydia called out, panicked.

“They’re already dead, they can’t feel a thing…” one of the guests muttered.

“That’s not true! Just look at them!”

Seeing his daughter so upset moved something in Charles.

“Can we stop it?” He asked Otho.

“It’s too late, Charles… I’m sorry,” he responded, his tone somewhere between shocked and genuinely apologetic.

Edward had been frozen as he watched in fear, but now sprinted to the model in the living room, Lydia not far behind him.

“Oh, where are you??” Edward grumbled as he looked desperately for Beetlejuice.

“Who??” Lydia asked, brushing away brief tears that had welled up in her eyes before wrinkling her nose, “oh god, don’t tell me you’re gonna try and get him to help.”

Eventually, their eyes settled on Beetlejuice, sitting smugly atop his headstone and wearing a striking, stripey suit.

“You have to help them,” Edward begged.

“I don’t have to do nothin’. But I will… for a price,” the poltergeist gave Edward an oily smile.

“Ugh, okay, what?”

“Well, y’see, I want out. For good. But to do that, I gotta get married, specifically to someone living,” Beetlejuice lifted his hands in defeat, “not my rules, though come to think of it, I don’t have any rules.”

Edward frowned, glancing at his ghostly friends.

“Hurry up!” Lydia begged her stepbrother.

“This isn’t an easy decision to make, Lydia!” Edward snapped under the pressure.

“Hey, hey, think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. I get out, you get to say you got hitched to the most eligible bachelor since Valentino came over, we’ll be even!”

To say Edward hadn’t thought about the ghost before him in a romantic, or even sexual, way… that’d be the biggest tall tale of the century. But he was not prepared to marry him, even if they had talked a few times since they had met.

“Okay-” Edward started and Beetlejuice lept to his feet excitedly, “but we’re laying down some things first.”

The poltergeist grumbled and kicked at a clod of fake grass before looking up at Edward.

“Fffine, what is it?” He asked.

“First, even if marrying is the only way to get you to help us, we are not going to act like a married couple. If anyone asks, we’re dating. Second, I want to get to know you better before any real romance is to take place.”

Lydia stared at her half-brother as he spoke these very firm requests. The cobwebbed cogs of Beetlejuice’s brain turned as he considered the proposal.

“Deal,” he concluded with a smug expression before brushing himself off and making a “go ahead” gesture. Edward took a breath.

“Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice.”

“It’s showtime.”

The stepsiblings stepped back as the model began to shake, and soon split down the middle. Beetlejuice, now life-size, rose from the center of the crack, a carousel-like hat atop his head.

“Attention K-Mart Shoppers,” he announced in an official tone and with a manic grin, “well, I’m back, I feel real good about myself, real happy to be here, and… without further delay,”

The poltergeist cleared his throat and his hat began to spin, a golden glow coming from the crack in the model.

“Welcome to Winter River, museum of natural greed! A monument to the bored businessman, step right up, come a little closer, test your strength!” Beetlejuice spoke like a carnival barker, capturing the attention of some of Charles’ guests. They stood in front of him, unaware of the oversized strongman game behind them. Beetlejuice’s sleeves unfurled into large, inflatable sledgehammers. He raised them in the air, and with a cruel cackle, brought them down with enough force to send the couple shooting through the ceiling. By the time the dust had cleared, Beetlejuice had stepped completely out of the model and was thanking everyone for watching his little display.

“Thank you, thank you, whew!” He produced a cigarette out of nowhere and lit it with a flame from his fingertip before shooting a look at Edward, “and that, is why I don’t do two shows a night anymore babe, I won’t, I won’t do ‘em.”

Edward rolled his eyes, arms folded as he patiently waited for Beetlejuice to get on with their deal.

“Well, what have we got here tonight, kids? We’ve got the Maitlands, I think they’ve had enough exorcise, don’tcha think?” The poltergeist snapped his fingers and the Maitlands bodies collapsed back onto the table, slowly beginning to restore their youthful looks. While this was going on, Otho attempted to sneak past and escape, but was ultimately stopped by Beetlejuice jumping onto his back.

“Not so fast, round boy, we’re gonna have some laughs!” The ghost cackled before placing an exaggerated kiss on Otho’s cheek, making the man shiver in disgust. Beetlejuice disappeared and a large spotlight shined on Otho, causing his black suit to turn stark white and making himself yell in fear and confusion. Beetlejuice cackled as Otho ran from the building.

Beetlejuice turned to Delia and Charles Deetz with another grin, pulling them into a fierce bear hug.

“Mom, dad. I just wantcha to know you’re very welcome in our house,” he gestured back to Edward, “anytime you’d like to come over.”

Delia wailed upon realizing the deal the two had struck up.

“Eddie!” She whimpered, and he avoided her gaze.

“Sorry mom,” he muttered.

“Alright, Maitlands are taken care of, everything seems back to normal…” Beetlejuice mumbled as he pulled away from his parents-in-law-to-be, producing a comb from his pocket and vainly attempting to tame his matted hair. He turned to Edward as Lydia rushed to her parents, his black and white suit transforming into a maroon wedding tux.

“Shall we?” The poltergeist offered his arm, and in that moment Edward realized his own clothes had transformed; into a scarlet tux with a black button-down beneath it. An invisible force dragged Edward to Beetlejuice’s side, demanding the two link arms. Thus, they did.

“I called the caterer, we’ve got a great band… ah, we’ll need witnesses!” Beetlejuice assured Edward before controlling Delia’s sculptures, instructing them to hold Lydia and Edward’s parents hostage. The fireplace had turned into an archway, and a strange, wrinkled little spirit stepped out in place of an official. The poltergeist triumphantly walked his mortal fiance over to the official.

“Alright, let’s get on with it.”

“Do you, B-”

“Ah-ah-ah, nobody says the ‘B’ word.”

“Do you take this man as your wedded husband?”

Beetlejuice quickly stepped away, murmuring to himself; “Ohh, it’s a big decision, should I go through with it? I said if I was gonna do it, I was only gonna do it once…”

He then returned to Edward’s side, “Yes, I do, why not.”

“And do you, Edward Deetz, take this man, to be your wedded husband?”

Edward took a breath and put on a brave face, “I do.”

Beetlejuice beamed, though there was a confusion in his brow.

“I thought for sure you’d try and bail…” He muttered in Edward’s ear.

“Unlike you, perhaps, I’m true to my word.”

Barbra looked ready to say the word, but could also see that Edward was serious about his decision. The official cleared their voice.

“Then by the power invested in me-”

“Wait, the ring!” Beetlejuice scrambled to check his pockets, “I-I’ve got it here somewhere, hon!”

Edward’s cheeks tinged pink at such a simple pet name. Hon. How silly he felt that that word in Beetlejuice’s gravelly voice made his heart flutter. Eventually, Beetlejuice retrieved a severed finger from his pocket with a ring still attached.

“I swear she meant nothin’ to me, nothin’!” The poltergeist removed the ring from the bloated finger with some difficulty, then slipped it onto Edward’s hand in an oddly tender manner. Edward glanced back at his family; Lydia, his parents, The Maitlands… his eyes shown with amusement and uncertainty.

“Here I go,” he whispered to them.

“I now pronounce you, husband, and husband,” the official concluded, “You may kiss.”

The two turned to each other.

“No tongue,” Edward ordered before initiating the kiss, something chaste and sweet, and completely unexpected on Beetlejuice’s end. His pale face burned the colour of cherries, and when Edward pulled away, his typical grin had grown ten sizes, it seemed.

“That. Was nice,” he spoke softly, so uncharacteristic of him. Edward avoided his gaze shyly, both of them unaware of the others in the room for the moment. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

[littleshebear]

Destiny Fanfiction: Truth

Some self-indulgent Dawning-related fluff I wrote last year but never posted for whatever reason. Here’s a dark age, kinderguardian Zavala learning about the power of myth and stories, then teaching those lessons back to a Guardian Sasha.  

Commander Zavala | OC: Sasha | Zavala x OC | Zavala x Sasha | Mutual Pining | The Dawning | Anxious Ghosts | Gratuitous story-telling

Crunch!

“What are you doing?” 

Crunch!

Zavala trails behind Sasha, watching her bunny-hop through the snow outside the gathering hall. He had recommended they leave when Sasha had reached for her knife after the tenth or so suggestion that they get a room. 

“It’s really satisfying,” she replies, jumping onto another patch of virgin snow. Crunch!  “You should try it.” 

“Is it calming you down?” He cocks his head, smiling at the incongruity of a woman who can snipe three Fallen Vandals in as many seconds, playing in the snow like a child. 

She turns to face him, grinning brilliantly. “I wasn’t actually going to stab anyone, you know.” There’s a series of gratifying crunches as she hops towards him. “You worry too much.”

“I’m never sure when you’re joking.” He hazards reaching out and brushing the back of his fingers against her chill-flushed cheek. She doesn’t flinch or pull away, a fact he finds infinitely more pleasing than the sound of freshly-trodden snow. “It’s cold, you should get inside.”

“No,” she protests, taking his hand in hers. “I’m not tired yet. Come on.” She leads him back towards the festivities but eschews the main hall. The normally sterile winter air is alive with the scent of woodsmoke and roasting meat. They weave through the crowds until they reach one of a few braziers dotted around a larger bonfire. There’s a group of people gathered around the open air fires listening to Matushka hold court. Sasha warms her hands over the flames and smiles up at him. “There. I won’t freeze to death, happy now?”

“I just worry.” 

“We already established that,” she says with a chuckle. “It’s endearing." He looks sceptical so she adds, "Really.”

He nods towards the old woman. She speaks with a clear, ringing voice, in a language he doesn't understand. “What is she saying?”

“She’s telling stories.” Sasha smiles softly, unmistakable pride creeping into her expression. “Matushka knows them all. We lost so much during the Collapse but alot of our legends made it. The Fallen could burn as many archives as they liked but you can’t burn down an oral tradition. So long as there are storytellers, the stories will survive.”

“Which story is this?”

Sasha takes a moment to translate. “How Lake Baikal came to be. Well, one version of it, there are a few.”

“I thought it was seismic activity?”

“No!" She gives him a playful smack on the arm, before hedging. "Well yes. But no. It's an old, old legend. I’m no Matushka but I’ll do my best. So, Old Man Baikal had three hundred and thirty six sons and one-”

“Busy man, this Baikal.” 

“Shh!” She gives him another light tap on the arm. “He had three hundred and thirty six sons and one daughter, Angara. She was said to be the most beautiful woman in the world, so Baikal became jealous and cruel. He locked her away and refused to let her see anyone. She spent her days in loneliness and misery, the birds where her only contact with the outside world.” She paused to listen to Matushka speak for a while, before continuing. “One day, the birds brought her news of a young man named Yenisei who had heard of her plight. The birds carried messages between them and they fell in love.”

“Birds can’t talk.”

“It’s a myth, Luchik, work with me here. Suspend your disbelief.” She sighs to compose herself. “So. Yenisei came to rescue Angara and they managed to escape Westward. When Baikal realised Angara had fled he became enraged. He picked up a massive boulder and threw it at the young lovers to try and stop them.” The lake is shrouded in darkness but she knows exactly in which direction to point. “The Shaman Stone, that’s the rock he threw. It sits at the source of the River…" She expands her palm outwards in a revelatory gesture, "Angara! When Baikal realised he’d lost his daughter he wept and wept until his tears formed the lake.” 

Sasha falls silent again and rests her head on his shoulder as she listens to the end of the story. “That’s how Lake Baikal and the Shaman Stone came to be. And that’s why three hundred and thirty six rivers flow into Lake Baikal and only one, the Angara, flows out and merges with the river Yenisei.”

There’s an outbreak of murmurs and discussion from the gathered crowd as Matushka finishes the story. Zavala says nothing for a time, he just gazes into the flames in front of them. “I don’t understand,” he says, eventually. 

“What’s not to understand?” Sasha asks.

“Why do you still tell these stories? You know they’re not real. You know that these rivers and lakes happened because of tectonic plates, glaciers and what have you, not a possessive old man’s tears.” 

“Just because they’re not real, that doesn’t mean they’re not true.” She need not  to look at him to know that his brows are almost certainly knitting into a confused frown. “We don’t tell these stories because we literally believe them. They tell us things about ourselves. There are truths in myth.” 

“Very well, I’ll bite,” he says, putting his arm around her shoulders. “What’s the truth about an angry old lake spirit throwing rocks at his daughter and her lover?”

Sasha relaxes against him, drawing on his warmth as well as that of the fire. “Well, I think it tells you about what love really is.” Zavala holds his breath, hoping that she can’t feel how much he’s tensed up all of a sudden. “Yenisei loved Angara. He wanted her to be free but Baikal...” Sasha pauses, leaning into the embrace. “Baikal said he loved Angara, he claimed she was the most precious thing in the world to him but. Well, that’s just it. She was a thing to him. He kept her locked up like a jewel in a box. That’s not love. That’s possession. In trying to hold on to her, he lost her. Attachment like that, it’s…” She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s not healthy. If you love someone, if you really love them, you have to be willing to let them go.”

Zavala closes his eyes and encircles her with his arms, as if to relieve her of the weight of the words she's just spoken. “You don’t need to do that, Sashenka. I meant what I said.”

She returns the hug, the way her fingers sink into the fur of his jerkin belying her words. “If you need to leave for the Traveler after the thaw, I won’t stop you.”

“I’m not leaving.” He plants a kiss on top of her head that seems to serve as a full stop. 

They stand in silence for a while, watching the fire and listening to voices that float over from the main gathering. Sasha eventually interrupts the quiet with a question. Zavala knows she’s trying to change the subject but he’s willing to let her. “Don’t you have stories? The Awoken, I mean. Aren’t there stories in the Reef, creation myths, tall tales?”

“There are, I guess but…” Zavala hedges. He guesses there are but he’s damned if he can remember any of them. “We left. Maybe our stories didn’t have enough truth to them.”

Sasha tips her head back to look up at him. “So make new ones.”

~*~*~*~*

“Zavala!” Izanami flitted around Zavala’s head like a gadfly, nudging his shoulder and purposefully blocking his view of his work. She wove left and right trying to lock his gaze with her optic. “It’s the first night of The Dawning, that’s enough now. You haven’t even looked at the Dawning Crystal, Ikora really outdid herself this year. The night shift is here. Everyone else has left, you’ve got no excuse...”

“The Dawning isn’t going anywhere, The Dawning can wait a few minutes while I finish up.” He replied, gently pushing her out of his way.

“We’re going to be late, Amanda will kill us.”

“First of all, we’re not going to be late and secondly Amanda will not-”

“She’s been working hard on this dinner, if we’re late she will literally kill us.”

Zavala pressed his lips into a thin line. “Literally? Words mean things, Izanami, you know I don’t like it when you do that.” The little AI’s shell was quivering with nervous energy. If he didn’t know that Ghosts didn’t eat, Zavala could swear she was hyped up on too much sugar from Dawning treats. Maybe it was psychosomatic? Could Ghosts pick up on the mood of over-excited humans? No matter, the root cause didn’t change the fact that she was actively delaying him rather than hurrying him along. 

“Let’s go!” She pleads, turning in an impatient pirouette.

“The more you pester, the longer this will take. You go on ahead, tell Amanda I will be there in twenty minutes.” He raises an eyebrow for emphasis. “Literally, twenty minutes.” 

“Fine.” His ghost turns to leave before abruptly turning back to face him. “But if you’re late and Amanda does kill you? I’m not rezzing you.”

“Thats a risk I shall have to take.” Zavala returned to his work with a wry shake of his head. It wasn’t just dotting i’s and crossing t’s in these missives to the Speaker. For his own peace of mind, he had to be sure the hand over to the Night Shift was properly handled and besides, there were Dawning-specific social niceties to think of. His conscience wouldn’t have allowed him to head off to a celebration without personally thanking each and every one of the staff who had volunteered to work over this festival. It was a selfless act and that was something that spoke to Zavala’s pride in his City like nothing else.

When he finally left, he decided to take a brief detour to take a look at the decorations around the Tower. As the Dawning Crystal hove into view when he ascended the steps to the plaza, he had to admit, Izanami was right. Ikora had outdone herself. A warm feeling bloomed in his chest as he took in the sight of the lanterns strung around the plaza and the snowfall filling in the footprints of raucous guardians armed with snowballs. He turned towards Traveler’s walk; the view from there during winter was always lovely and that area was less likely to be used as a snowball field of conflict. As he suspected, it was far quieter there. It was silent save for the sound of two feet jumping simultaneously into the snow over and over. He followed the sound to see who was making it.

Sashenka. No, he couldn’t call her that, not anymore. Hunter. Guardian. Those were the only appropriate names now. She was leaping, two feet together, from one unsullied patch of snow to another. She would occasionally pause to stamp down the snow into ice before moving on. He shouldn’t be there, he could practically hear his Ghost urging him to leave, telling him what a terrible, terrible idea it was to stay. Yet, there he was. Rooted to the spot, taking in every detail; How beautiful she looked bathed in the combination of lantern and Traveler light, the snowflakes settling on and standing out against her black hair, how similar she was to that woman he fell in love with centuries ago. How very discomfiting it was how often she challenged his assertion that Guardians were not the same people they were before they died. 

Sasha did a one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn. Her laugh when she stuck the landing was suddenly cut short when she saw Zavala watching her. She staggered to the side, spoiling the pattern of double footprints she’d left in the snow. She gave an awkward wave. 

“Evening, Commander.” 

Zavala responded with a respectful nod and crossed over to her. “Hunter. Enjoying your first Dawning?”

She shrugged and nodded a little too vigorously. “Uhm. Yes?”

He frowned at how unconvinced she sounded. “No plans for tonight?”

“My friends are having a party.”

“Your friends.” He held her gaze. “But not you.”

She exhaled slowly and seemed to deflate. “I’m just not feeling it.” The lines on Zavala's forehead deepened, signalling a demand for an explanation. “It’s not a real festival. It’s all made up.”

“Not real?” 

“It’s cherry-picked. It’s a hodge-podge of different cultures.” She bowed her head and looked up at him through apologetic eyelashes. “It seems fake to me.”

Zavala brushed some snow off a nearby bench and gestured for her to sit. 

“Did I say something wrong?” She asked, sinking down, her shoulders hunched up as far as they’ll go.

“No,” he said,settling on the bench beside her. “Just consider the possibility that just because something isn’t real, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” He paused to let her respond but her only answer  was knotted brows, so he continued. “Rites, rituals, festivals. They give structure and meaning to our lives. You don’t have to believe in the reality of the Dawning to believe in the truth of the message behind it.”

“Which is?” 

“How did you feel when you were first resurrected?”

“Scared. Lonely, I guess. Doesn’t everyone feel that way at first?”

“At first, yes. Being awoken, alone, without even the memory of who you once were to keep you company is a hard thing to bear. I know I felt adrift, with only my Ghost to keep me right.”

Sasha shook her head ruefully. “It’s hard to imagine you as a confused kinderguardian. You’re so-”

“- Choose your next words carefully,” he deadpanned.

“Stolid.” She grinned up at him, waiting for his reaction.

“All right. That’s an acceptable description.”

“Well I’m relieved, Commander,” she said, through soft laughter. “But what does this have to do with the Dawning?”

He smiled, allowing himself a modicum of pride in the fact that he can still make her laugh, stolid as he is. “I was scared, yes, lonely too but I found people. Made friends, formed connections. The same goes for the refugees who came to the Traveler and founded the City. The collapse was culturally devastating, so much was destroyed; Histories, languages, communities. We lost our stories, we lost those things that teach us about the world we live in. So we salvaged what we could and made new stories. We took what was true, what mattered and made new festivals to preserve them. We survived. We joined together and were stronger for it. We rebuilt. We are the light in the Darkness. That’s the story the Dawning tells. That’s what it’s for. So yes, it’s constructed. Made up, if you will.” 

“But it’s true. It's the City's truth. I get it.” She gave him a sly, sidelong glance.“So it’s not just about cookies and presents?”

“Well, no. A big part of the Dawning is about celebrating family and friendship. Cookies and presents help with that, I suppose. So go. Be with your friends. Eat drink, be merry, for tomorrow we fight.”

Sasha rose and vigorously shook her head, theatrically ridding her hair of the snowflakes that had settled there. “Wait.” She smoothed her hair out of her face and looked intently down at him. “You’re by yourself. Do you have somewhere to be? You can’t be spending the Dawning alone, not after that speech you just gave me.”

“I have somewhere to be,” He reassured her as he got to his feet.

“Oh. Well. Good.” She seemed relieved and perhaps a little disappointed too. Zavala couldn’t be sure but he wondered if she’d started forming an invitation in her head. He decided that was just egotistical wishful thinking on his part. It was safer that way. 

“Happy Dawning, Guardian,” he said with a respectful nod.

“You too, Commander.” She pivoted her foot as if turning to leave but the rest of her body didn’t follow suit. “And thank you.”

“For what?”

“You always know what to say.” She shrugged, as though that were completely obvious.

“I’ve had some very good teachers.” 

If Sasha were intimidated by the intensity of his gaze, she didn’t show it. She stared back at him for a not uncomfortable couple of seconds before finally blinking several times and looking away. She drew up her hood with a sheepish smile and a mumbled, “G’night.”

Zavala didn’t move. He watched her make her way down the path, waiting, hoping for her to grace him with another glance in his direction. Amanda Holliday’s amused drawl over his comm unit eventually distracted him from his vigil. 

“So your Ghost wanted me to tell you that you’re officially late, Commander.” 

“Are you going to kill me? She was at pains to tell me you would literally kill me if I were late.”

“Nah, you’re fine,” she explained. “You’re officially late, not Zavala-late.”

“What is Zavala-late?” he started ambling down the path once Sasha was finally out of sight.

“Half an hour after the official starting time. That lets you squeeze in all those one last, one last things you always have to get done before you leave work. So you’d better get down here before your Ghost has a nervous breakdown.”

“I’m on my way. I’ll see you soon.” He turned off his comm unit and halted where the path met a patch of snow-covered grass, deciding that he had one last, one last thing to do before he went to dinner. He regarded the pristine, gleaming expanse of white with a serious expression. He glanced around furtively, looking to make sure no one else had entered Traveler’s Walk. When he was sufficiently satisfied that he was alone, he put his feet together and bunny-hopped forwards onto the snow, chuckling softly to himself. 

[oocstephenkingtv]

Agent Byron Howard (Maurice Dean Wint) Haven 2x1 A Tale of Two Audreys (2011)

Agent Byron Howard: Audrey Parker. 

Audrey Parker: Agent Howard. 

Agent Howard: How’s local cop life treating you? 

Audrey: Oh, you know. Cats in trees. Like that. 

Agent Howard: So are you looking for your job back? 

Audrey: No, no. Not really. Actually, I was wondering did anyone call in today, pretending to be me? 

Agent Howard: No. Is someone saying she’s you? 

Audrey: No, no. It’s just It’s just this town. 

Agent Howard: If someone’s impersonating a federal agent... 

Audrey: No. Agent Howard, I’m going to deal with it. 

Agent Howard: Yes, you will. Till I get there.

Audrey: Agent Howard... 

Agent Howard: Detain her till I arrive. 

[vivithefolle]

Can you rec some Ronarry fics? (Preferably long ones?) Sorry if I'm annoying you.

You’re not annoying me at all, Anon! :D Thought I’m super frustrated because I’ve read one very long fic that has Ron searching for Harry, who has amnesia and ran away to America (and is gay but nobody knew that) and Ron realizes he’s in love with Harry and the fic has about 30 chapters and it’s on FFN but I can’t find it!! x_x

Sooo… I didn’t find that many long fics but I can give you a long list of them if you want?

Beautiful FriendIt took six years for Harry to learn something in History of Magic.This one. Oh my lord this one… it’s short, but it’s amazing. It’s full of lovely lively details and Harry’s description of Ron is… aaaww.

Life DrawingDean watches, and sees something unexpected.Again, the descriptions! My lord the descriptions, and also you will relate very much to Dean if you’ve ever worked with pencils.

Something They Can Barely SeeHarry has no idea how to tell his best friend he wants more that friendship. He’s pretty sure this would be hell of a lot easier if he knew for sure how Ron felt about him.This one is plenty cute. Ron is adorable and Harry… Harry’s trying his best. :’D

Our Inner BeastsLater, Madam Pomfrey would tell them that both Bill and Ron were going to survive. But she had no idea what the effects of a werewolf bite, when the werewolf was still in human form, could do to their behavior.Okay, who’s up for writing more Creature!Ron fics? Seriously. Someone do some more of those. Here we have Ron as a werewolf, aggressive, feral, self-loathing… doesn’t matter, Harry loves him.

Running with the Wolf, Loving the Mansnapshots of Harry Potter’s life with a werewolf boyfriendFollow-up of Our Inner Beasts. Someone heard our prayers and gave us more Werewolf!Ron, and it’s as wonderful as it sounds.

What HappenedThat’s just the thing, though. He doesn’t know what happened. He can’t pinpoint a single event where everything suddenly made sense. There was no epiphany or choir of angels or aligning of stars, or any of the other rubbish Parvarti goes on about in the Great Hall. There’s no one moment when he realized, “Oh.”Ron and Harry’s friendship, only it’s not just friendship. The last line will make you want to put on some epic music.

Follow The Butterflies“Why did it have to be spiders?” Ron moaned. “Why couldn’t we follow the butterflies?” Harry privately agreed with his best friend, but if there was anything Hogwarts had taught him, then that if he didn’t do something, no one would. “I promise the next time we have to follow anything, it will be butterflies.”Harry and Ron’s friendship again, with more butterflies thrown in the mix. It’s just as perfect as it sounds. If you don’t ship Harry/Ron, this fanfic might just change your mind.

Sonnets of Magical InterferenceHarry receives some strange notes about his love life, or lack thereof.By the end of that fic, you might just cheer for a very controversial character.

HeavenHarry’s heaven includes Ron.Features Ron being emotional over a movie, Chinese takeout, and Harry being a sap. What more could you ask for?

Harry Potter And The World That Went Bloody Insane“I know something you don’t know” is, apparently, the essence of Harry Potter’s love life. Harry’s certain that the world has been reading one too many romance novels, but then, Harry’s always been a bit oblivious.Featuring Protective!Attentive!Caring!Ron and Oblivious!Harry in their stinky flat and everyone shipping Harry/Ron. It’s awesome.

Check MateHarry questions his dreams, Ron has a scary one of his own, Hermione and Cho plot, and Seamus and Dean obsess.Harry’s subconscious has lots of funny ideas. Ron is ridiculously cute. Might be a bit difficult to read because of FFN’s shitty formating for line breaks.

On The OutsideHarry doesn’t think there’s much point to his being gay. He can’t have regular sex, he can’t have children, and he can’t tell his best friend he’s in love with him.Ron is utterly adorable, do I really have to say it? Why, yes, yes I do.

Newton’s LawFor every action, there is an equal and opposite reactionCheck out this author’s other Harry/Ron fics. I especially like Brass Ring; in the meantime, have a rather in-character reaction of Hermione and Ginny finding out about their ex-boyfriends dating. Hey, not my fault if JKR doesn’t know how to write strong female characters without making them abusive.

Sleeping BeautyThe most gen ever retelling of Sleeping Beauty.Who cares if it’s gen, it’s amazing. Harry sleeps, Ron is wonderful, and ants get colorful.

The Complexities Of Muggle MachineryHarry bought a refrigerator. Then it was a microwave. Then a blender. Thursday was the coffee brewer. Ron really liked that last one.Ron is absolutely, heart-stoppingly, adorably cute and pretty much just like I imagine him to be around Muggle things. Harry’s lucky.

After the cupcakesThey never really talked about it but they are each other’s world. And perhaps a lazy Sunday morning is as good a time as any to finally say something.Utterly sappy and fluffy and you know me, I was mostly there for Harry’s description of Ron. It didn’t disappoint.

Sing Your LoveThroughout the years they’ve lived together, Harry has always enjoyed Ron’s singing but lately he’s been picking up hidden messages in his flatmate’s song choices.Do you like Ron singing? Do you like Ron dancing? Do you like Ron crying his heart out over an emotionally oblivious Harry? Well in that case you’ve found the perfect fic!

Snakes & LaddersAfter the final battle with Voldemort, Harry intends to get on with his life. There’s just one problem; he was supposed to have died when he confronted Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest and now the Other Side is trying to collect him. But in the space between his ‘death’ and the victory celebrations, Harry’s fallen in love… and he’s not going to give up his second chance without a fight.A complicated premise, a complicated tale, a very worried Ron, a very determined Harry, an entirely unwelcome Severus Snape coming from beyond the Veil, all leading up to an epic confrontation in the Other Side. Who knew the afterlife had a court?

Now, it’s time for… TEH SMUT! D:Every story below this text will have MATURE CONTENT. Shoo, children, shoo!

Partners (last chapter gets NSFW)What if the girls hadn’t come in just then?  What course of action would Harry, in his desperate frame of mind, have latched onto instead?This fanfic made one of my most desperate wishes come true. For those who don’t know me, I’ll just tell you that Cinderella isn’t a matter of gender.

Scars (warning: mentions of self-harm)Ron is embarrassed of his scars, and Harry might be able to help.Ron is his terribly self-loathing self, but at least Harry is there to remind him of what we Ron-lovers know: that he’s loved and beautiful.

The Matchmaker (contains sexual mention)Sir Nicholas has never had a couple like these two…Nearly-Headless Nick ships Harry and Ron. So does the entire Gryffindor House. All in all, just what we need.

Exploring The Spectrum (NSFW at the end)Ron wakes up to find he can only see in a single colour.Very interesting mystery and clever use of a forgotten plot point. The resolution is basically “sex solves everything” but otherwise it’s a great story.

Hug! Hug! Kiss! (second-to-last drabble is NSFW)Ron loses Harry in a foreign land. In other words, Harry accidentally joins a Japanese boy band.This story is ridiculous, confusing, crazy, and absolutely hilarious. No existing celebrities were harmed.

Just Another Teenage Epoch - Ron Weasley, 1999 (NSFW at the end)Ron wants to be an Auror, and he wants to not grow up, and he really wants other people to stop kissing Harry.The classic mistletoe tale! Ron is not amused at all. It’s okay, we’re rooting for him (and Harry is, too).

Trapped in Winter (NSFW at the end)Harry and Ron have an argument. When Ron goes to storm out of the room, he’s frozen in time, and when Harry touches him to see what’s the matter, they’re both transported to a snowy winter wonderland.A surprising premise that leads to a confused, hurt Ron and a tight-lipped Harry, and of course, to Harry/Ron. Pretty nice!

That We Might Be Exactly Like We Were (warning: graphic self-harm, realistic depression, themes of suicide)'Everything just takes me back, to when you were there…’This author pretty much nails what depression is like. She also has several other Harry/Ron fanfics that are written just as expertly as this one, but be forewarned, they tend to deal with very upsetting topics as well. Sadly, I could see her version of Ron existing in the canon we know.

Slow Slide (get out) to a Better Place (warning: abuse and r*pe)Harry told himself that everything was fine in his relationship with Ginny, at least until he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. And by then, he thought it might be too late.  Fortunately, he has two very good friends who will always be there for him, one of whom might eventually be something more.Downside: Ginny fans should NOT read this story. Upside: contains Vivi’s most beloved ship, Romione + Ronarry.

Prelude and Fugue (NSFW in the middle)It took over an hour, from the time Harry arrived at work, for him to realise just how different today actually was.The “Groundhog Day” loop is wonderfully done, you can actually feel the weariness building as Harry wakes up and notices it’s still Monday, bloody Monday.And Ron is absolutely adorable - yes, I’ll say it every time!

Princes of Maine (NSFW at the end)Harry wakes one morning to find an abandoned baby on his doorstep. Little does he know that this is only the beginning of his most challenging adventure yet: parenthood.You want Harry as a single parent and not knowing anything about babies? You have it. You want Ron as a competent Healer who’s sick of Harry’s shit and determined to get answers as to why his best mate is a wreck? You have it. You want Harry/Ron? What are you waiting for, dive in!

Still looking for more? Take a look at this post!

[squadron-of-damned]

⭐ - for the fanfic ask

Yes okay, my pick. that’s the tough part. Hmm… I’d say I’d like to talk about Black Garb, but frankly, I think I have said everything I wanted to say there.

So instead let’s talk about The Long-Awaited Sequel. The name itself is supposed to be a tie-in with the previous work from the Basketville series, because that one is called The Last Chapter, so there is a book theme supposedly going on and also it focuses on the new life Downey and Vetinari have in Basketville, so it is “a brand new book” which everyone has been long waiting for.

Fun fact: Originally the “main hero” whose POV is followed was supposed to be Christian Agate, the renown paperback author who is definitely not the Discworld incarnation of Agatha Christie. While this idea got scratched, the book theme remained just as the concept of Basketville being “the countryside village to which old (male) literary heroes retire to have a cottage, bees and their best companion to whom they aren’t married (but only because it isn’t legal yet).”

Part of the fun with this bodyswap fic was that Vatinari and Downey know each other well enough to actually pull off they are the other person while nobody really knows them enough to notice if there is something wrong. That means that I as an author (and subsequently you as the reader) didn’t have to focus on the “comedy effect” of the bodyswap when they are “this close to being caught,” because let’s serve us clean wine: I don’t like this trope. No, what I wanted to explore was how the physical differences in a body affect the individual.

Let’s start with Downey. In the book Night Watch it is implied that he might have a problem reading long words (although it is possible Vetinari meant that as a very ugly joke) and over the time this implication evolved into a headcanon that he has dyslexia and possibly dysgraphia as well. (I know that they aren’t one and the same, but my two childhood friends have them both and when thinking about one I find it quite difficult not to connect it to the other.) And since you specifically Napoleon are asking this, you are the one who’s assigned that man synethesia as well. I believe that it isn’t addressed in this fic, but originally it was supposed to be and the only reason it isn’t there is because I didn’t figure out a simple way to make AO3 format work with colours.

There is the poem:

This is now all of my wit:to love loud turmoil of the fight,to penetrate girls’ dreams in night,to be in debt a little bit,to whistle as my mouth is shaped,to wash away worry with wine,to squander fast this life of mine,to gain nothing, same to forfeit.

It is my translation of František Gellner’s To je teď celá moudrost moje and in the fic it has scattered bolding and italicizing which is supposed to represent how it is seen through Downey’s eyes. Originally the whole text was heavily colourized, all the alike sounding parts done in the same or similar colours, so it looked like a very bad acid trip. (I was quite angry when the colours didn’t make it in because I spent about an hour colouring that damn thing for nothing.)

Here is the fun part: Why does Vetinari experience these conditions when he is in Downey’s body while he doesn’t get to deal with Downey’s short-fused temper? Because according to some very smart article which I have read and lost and can’t be bothered at the moment to find again, things like dyslexia or introversion tendencies are bound to brain. In fact this article which focused on the fact that people are born either more extroverted or introverted and they can’t do anything about it because it is a physical condition just like the solidness of your bones or blood type is what inspired this particular fic.

Do Vetinari, a known book worm, finds out that there are people who are literally physically incapable to enjoy a book without getting a horrible headache. He also finds out that there are people for whom being around other people is not energetically draining. I can’t remember if he has to deal with Downey’s absolute musical hearing. I think he doesn’t.

Downey on the other hand is mostly reliant on his people skill, on the fact that he is good at being around people and in the only moment that he is supposed to use it (the variation of the PTA gathering), it fails him because of Vetinari’s brain introversion. There is also a minor deal with haywire colourvision which I don’t think I’ve ever bothered to explain. That is a headcanon of mine which doesn’t affect anything and hasn’t got any real backing by the actual lore, but through Vetinari’s eyes Downey can see colours which he previously couldn’t see. The word itself doesn’t get actually used, but Vetinari has tetrachromatic vision instead of the human usual trichromatic one.* Yes, I am aware that the cone cell pigment genes are bound to the X chromosome, thus making tetrachromacy a thing found in the XX 23rd gene combination, but consider: tetrachromacy has actually been found in men, Discworld genetic is strange, magic can apply, no one is saying that Discworld human genes are like ours, no one is saying that Vetinari is cis, also I don’t care because this is a work of fiction not a research paper so if you have a problem with Vetinari having a trait predominately found in human females, it is a you-problem and you have to deal with it somehow (probably by not reading that fic for a start). He also has to deal with chronic pain in leg which I believe Vetinari is more or less used to, but Downey isn’t.

Speaking of chronic pains. Both of those guys have been through some serious shit. Both mentally and physically. In case you haven’t been here for my writing, Downey’s time in Ankh-Morpork during Snapcase’s regime was not a walk in a rosy garden. Or maybe it was a walk in a rosy garden but he was forced to take it through the thorny bushes. He was interrogated, he was tortured for information and there had been at least one attempt to execute him which is implied in the fic. Downey says that he loves Vetinari “Enough for a lack of eloquence to be considered of virtue” just the moment after some very old scars on Downey’s body are mentioned. I don’t know if this reads clearly for you, but it has always been clear to me (and that is why I cannot describe it better): “They tried to physically force me to tell them everything about you and I didn’t say a word.” Until today I am convinced that this particular line is one of the… strongest that I have ever written.

There is a very strong reference to Kafka in this work, namely the very hideous tattoo on Downey’s back which says VerboIncooperativus Testi (verbally uncooperative witness, although the translation is a shared effort of mine and Google Translator, though Discworld Latatin is a bastart language, so whatever). All I can say to that is this: In the Penal Colony.

That brings me to the side characters. Some of them have only a little impact on the story, such as Papermould. Some of them are long time dead like Offer Littlegood to whom I would like to dedicate a short work on his own because he is the Discworld’s constructor of the horrible tattoo-execution machine, which might or might not be clear from what is written about him and implied in other parts of the work. I have a lot of thoughts about Offer Littlegood. I am a loud about being from Czechia, so here is a linguistic joke for you: a rather archaic/fairy-tale sounding euphemism for an executioner (and torturer, stories like to pile these two jobs into one) in Czech is “mistr málodobrý” which translates to English as “mister (or master) littlegood.” That is where Littlegood’s name comes from, to me he is an executioner and torturer by name.

Then there is July Mendahorse. For a starter: I love July Mendahorse. She isn’t pretty and she is the perfect noir femme fatale and she is an important character in The Graveyard Shift. In this story there are featured three people who look a lot like Vetinari: Vetinari himself, Constantin Meserole who is his cousin and a mirror thirty years to the past (he is far mor like Vetinari in his mind than he realizes and he would hate himself a lot if he had ever learned that), and then July Mendahorse (who is actually also a lot like Vetinari, but she lacks the upbringing and education). The opening line about her section is a lowkey reference to the song The House of the Rising Sun (this gets more played on in The Graveyard Shift). When Downey and Vetinari are talking about their exes, Downey recalls briefly dating July (without naming her) who happened to look a lot like Vetinari and speak with his accent. I am not sure if I want to work with it in The Graveyard Shift or give Downey/July their own fic in the original timeline but I want to clear up one thing for you here: Downey actively conditioned July to erase a whole a lot of differences between her and Vetinari. Some of that were good things, like giving her education or taking her to see culture, some of that were… less nice. Not exactly abusive, but… Look, folks, don’t try to forge a girl you’ve found on the street into your unreachable partner of your dreams, alright?

Since we have Vetinari-alike people here, let’s give a paragraph to Constantin Meserole, shall we? If Constanting had a dollar for every time someone called him Havelock, he’d be a very rich man. He looks like Vetinari at that age. He is very actively trying to difference himself from his cousin, but he fails to realize he is doing it in the most Vetinari-like (or Constantin-like) way possible. He is more psychology oriented than Vetinari, but he is also more fed up with his situation. Vetinari’s (and Downey, Sybil and Vimes’s) generation could be compared to those people who were children and teens during the 70′s and 80′s (speaking from a country which used to be a part of the communist block at that time: fucking bloody normalization, so with the Wint/Snapcase’s regime it is twice as accurate), while Constantin (and Lus Twinkle and all their classmates) are those who are growing up right now. They don’t remember that era but they grew up with people telling stories what it was like and they see people actively trying to make history repeat itself and they are feeling like AAARGH! Oh, and Constantin and Twinkle’s relationship is a mirror to Downey and Vetinari’s relationship in the sense “Okay, whit if they weren’t absolute idiots, but only a little bit idiots?”

There are retired fictional characters: Blatantly obvious Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson except they are dwarves now (and are actually both girls), Captain Tramain who is from Wizardry 8 and I’ve always had a soft spot for him. There is aforementioned and not entirely fictional Christian Agate.

There is Helen Foxglove. I have a friend who has just writhed herself out of an abusive marriage. This fic was written before she actually made it and at the time I felt that the most I could do for her aside from coming over every here and then and helping her out was to give her a fictional happy ending. This is that happy ending where she got out with her children and her dogs, and her piece of a shit husband got a dagger through his skull. Maybe some time in the future Helen Foxglove will get together with a witch who might and might not be a version of my mum. Look, I’ve always thought that those two should get together ever since I was, like, four and knew what ‘get together’ was. I’ve always saw her son as a brother, so you know.

I like writing about Basketville but I also find it terribly difficult. Terry Pratchett said that Ankh-Morpork is a fantasy city which still functions after the story ends. In the same way, Basketville is the happy ending retirement countryside village which still functions after the story ends. Everything that happens in Basketville is an epilogue to some story, but it is important to realize that there are people whose whole lives were other people’s epilogues. That is both difficult and amazing to write.

[connor-burrows]

old white tree by norlies

[ljones41]

"DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER" (1971) Review

"DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER" (1971) Review I might as well be frank. After my recent viewing of "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER", I have come to the conclusion that it just might truly be the worst or second worst Bond movie ever released by EON Productions. I certainly view it as an unworthy follow-up to the superb "ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE". Yet, despite my low opinion of the movie, I also found it to be very funny. 

The movie’s pre-credits started the movie out with a montage featuring Bond’s search for Ernst Stravos Blofeld, head of SPECTRE and the man responsible for the brutal murder of the agent’s wife of a few hours, Teresa Bond. And yet . . . the movie had never clearly stated that Bond wanted revenge for his wife’s death. Rather curious. I suppose that Broccoli and Saltzman wanted the audience to forget about "ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE" . . . and at the same time, remember that Bond had a reason to seek revenge against Blofeld. The movie eventually unfolded a tale featuring a diamond smuggling operation from South Africa to Amsterdam and finally to Las Vegas. Apparently, the operation seemed to becoming to an end, since two assassins – the very funny Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, played by Bruce Glover and Putter Smith – seemed to be killing every courier/link that formed the smuggling ring. Her Majesty’s government, worried that the stability of the diamond market might be threatened if all the hoarded diamonds are released at the same time, ordered MI-6 to investigate. M assigned Bond to investigate the matter. At first, the British agent (along with diamond smuggler Tiffany Case, Felix Leiter and the CIA) discovered that a reclusive American millionaire named Willard Whyte might be behind the smuggling operation and the murders. But this proves to be a red herring and Bond finally realized that Blofeld (whom he thought he had killed in the pre-credit sequence) had taken control of Whyte’s business operation to use the diamonds to create a satellite with a powerful laser on board in order to blackmail the world. And of course, Bond destroyed Blofeld’s operation before the villain could blow up Washington D.C. What is it about "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER" that made it such a terrible Bond movie? One of the main culprits had to be Richard Maibaum and Tom Mankiewicz’s screenplay. Their first mistake came in the form of Bond’s search for Ernst Stravo Blofeld in the movie’s pre-credit sequence. It all seemed so vague . . . almost pointless. In fact, it seemed as if the screenwriters and producers Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman had been torn between a desire to make fans forget about "ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE"’s tragic ending and a fear that those same fans might not forget. Which would explain why the movie’s opening found Bond traveling from one location to another in search of Blofeld. He even managed to nearly strangle one contact with her bikini top, titillating certain fans of the franchise. Yet, not once did Bond ever mention his late bride or her murder – obviously the main reason behind his search for SPECTRE’s leader. I could not help but conclude that the entire sequence was nothing but a cop-out. And the story had failed to improve following the opening credits. I never could understand why Her Majesty’s government had deemed it necessary for MI-6 to investigate a diamond smuggling operation. Why not seek the assistance of an agency like Interpol or something? And why would the CIA be interested in such a case? Both MI-6 and CIA’s interest all came about before the revelation of Blofeld using the diamonds to create a weapon to extort the major superpowers. And I never could understand this. Bond’s investigation took him to Amsterdam, impersonating one of the links in the smuggling operation – Peter Franks. From this point forward, a serious of implausible moments appeared in the story. After a fight with the real Peter Franks, who had appeared at Tiffany Case’s Amsterdam apartment, Bond planted his own wallet in the dead smuggler’s jacket. Tiffany discovered the wallet and expressed dismay at the idea of someone killing 'James Bond'. Could someone please explain how a diamond smuggler would know about a MI-6 government agent, yet have no knowledge of Blofeld or the fact that he had been her actual boss? And there are more implausible moments to follow: -After Mr. Slumber prevented Bond from being incinerated, Bond accused him and Shady Tree of giving him bad money (they saved him, because he had switched the real diamonds for fakes). Yet, he pocketed the ’bad money’and used it at one of the Vegas hotel/casinos. -Bond and Tiffany found dead prostitute Plenty O’Toole in the latter’s Vegas swimming pool. Apparently, there had been a scene in which Plenty (who had been dumped out of Bond’s hotel room and into a swimming pool by gangsters working for Tiffany) had returned to Bond’s room and found Tiffany’s purse. If this is true, I can see why this scene had been cut, because it lacked sense. But why had EON Productions failed to cut the scene featuring the discovery of Plenty’s body, as well? -The stunt featuring Bond’s two-wheeler driving of Tiffany’s Red Mustang through a narrow alley seemed . . . questionable. -Why on earth did Bond bother to wear a tuxedo in order to break into Willard Whyte’s penthouse? -Since Blofeld had left instructions to Bond (impersonating as SPECTRE minion, Burt Saxby’s voice) over the telephone to kill Willard Whyte, how did Saxby learn of the assignment in order to appear at Whyte’s house to do the job? -Why would Tiffany be suspicious of a Blofeld in drag and tail him, when she never knew how he looked in the first place? And I doubt that she knew about the cat. "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER"’s script had ended in a rather disappointing showdown on a SPECTRE-controlled oil rig off Baja California. Come to think of it, Blofeld’s "death" and Bond’s showdown with Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd seemed equally lame. The movie had also marked Sean Connery’s last appearance as the agent in an EON Productions’ Bond film. He returned following George Lazenby’s decision not to continue with the Bond role. Granted, Connery’s performance had its moments. He seemed to be at his funniest in this movie, displaying a true flair for comedy. And his elevator fight with Joe Robinson (portraying Peter Franks0 made it apparent that he had not lost his touch with action films, following a four-year hiatus from the Bond franchise. And yet . . . I could not help but wish that Lazenby had continued his tenure as James Bond, following "ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE". Perhaps the Australian’s presence could have guaranteed a more serious follow-up to Tracy Bond’s death. Then again . . . perhaps not. And despite Connery’s comedic touch, he seemed to have lost some of the fire that had made his earlier performances as Bond so memorable. In fact, he seemed to have sailed through the entire movie without any true depth. There seemed to be a split opinion amongst fans regarding Jill St. John’s performance as smuggler Tiffany Case. Some viewed the red-haired Tiffany as a funny, smart and sassy woman. Others regarded her as nothing more than a bubble-headed bimbo. Personally, I agree with both views. I liked St. John’s sharp portrayal of Tiffany in the movie’s first hour or so. She portrayed the smuggler as a sharp-tongued woman who was shrewd enough to keep Bond’s paws off of her, until she needed him for her advantage. And she helped Bond infiltrate Willard Whyte’s desert laboratory. But once Blofeld was revealed to be alive, Tiffany became this idiot bimbo who allowed herself to get caught by Blofeld; and who helped Bond on the oil rig and later against Wint and Kidd with great ineptitude. Her character seemed to have lost its steam by the movie’s last half-hour. Charles Gray, who had been last seen as a murdered MI-6 agent in "YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE", became the third actor to portray SPECTRE leader Ernst Blofeld on screen. I have to give points to the British actor for being the wittiest villain in the franchise’s history. Although he had spent most of his on-screen time in the movie’s second half, more witticism streamed out of Gray’s mouth than any other actor or actress. And as funny as he was, this abundance of witticism had also lessened his impact as a villain, I am sorry to say. This seemed rather odd for an actor like Gray, who has proven to be more intimidating in other roles. "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER"’s supporting cast had seemed at best, a mixed blessing. Not many Bond fans have been impressed by Norman Burton’s gruff performance as CIA agent Felix Leiter. Frankly, I found his gruffness rather amusing and witty . . . in a deliciously acidic way. Speaking of gruffness, Bernard Lee seemed downright acerbic and hostile during his brief appearance as M. Neither Lois Maxwell and Desmond Llewellyn as Moneypenny and Q, respectively, came off as memorable in this movie. Marc Lawrence and Sig Haig had portrayed two of the gangsters who popped up during Bond’s first day in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, they came off as movie gangsters from a 30s crime melodrama, instead of modern day thugs. Donna Garratt and Trina Parks portrayed Willard Whyte’s bodyguards, Bambi and Thumper. I must admit that they were memorable, although Ms. Parks had struck me as a bit of a drama queen. Lana Wood (Natalie Wood’s younger sister) portrayed the unfortunate Plenty O’Toole. And honestly? I now feel that Ms. Wood was one of THE WORST actresses to appear in a Bond movie. Okay, make that the second worst. I consider the actress who had dubbed Marguerite Le Wars’ voice (the actress who played the photographer in "DR. NO") to be the worst. Speaking of bad acting, who on earth had the bright idea to cast Country-Western singer, Jimmy Dean, as Willard Whyte? No wonder he had never pursued a movie career. Dean must have been the biggest ham in the movie, considering his tendency to bellow nearly every word that came out of his mouth. Hollywood star Bruce Cabot ("KING KONG" [1933]) seemed like a waste of time in his role as Blofeld minion, Burt Saxby. What a shame, especially since "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER" was his last film. The movie’s bright spot came in the forms of Bruce Glover and Putter Smith as Blofeld’s assassins, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. Glover and Smith portrayed these two hitmen (and possible lovers?) with wit, style and a delicious touch of menace. It seemed a shame that they were killed off in one of the lamest action sequences of any Bond film. I am trying to think of a Bond movie directed by Guy Hamilton that has really impressed me. So far, I cannot think of one."DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER" is certainly not that movie. Granted, it has its bright points – the witty humor, a sassy Tiffany Case in the film’s first half, a great fight scene between Connery and Robinson; along with Bruce Glover and Putter Smith. I would also like to add that I also enjoyed the film’s musical score by John Barry and the theme song, performed by Shirley Bassey. Granted, the song lacked the excitement and brashness of "GOLDFINGER" and the lyrical beauty of "MOONRAKER", but I still managed to enjoy it. But considering some of the second-rate performances found in this movie, along with poor editing and piss poor writing by Maibaum and Mankiewicz, "DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER" strikes me as being the complete nadir of the Bond franchise. And that is saying something about a movie that I still enjoy watching . . . much to my continuing surprise.