#willy wonka ass bitch

[potatowithahat]

When anyone talks about Elias Bouchard this is who I think of btw

[potatowithahat]

He looks like that guy from the Wonka movie. Hold up ill find a photo.

elias in hades, perchance?

if tma were a hades-style roguelike I think it'd be entertaining to have elias just show up like a little bitch and give you tasks that eventually give you rewards. I don't think he'd show up as the final boss until much later on in the story (equivalent to the hades epilogue) where he'll become the eye's pupil and the player (presumably jon) has to kill him to stop the eyepocalypse or smth (don't question my thought process too much I haven't actually rationalised it all in my head yet lol)

[rfxn-emulator]

Had a mental breakdown this week, or 2, or 50... So I made a coneball gijinka, it didn't help the mental issues but now I'm stuck with this guy If anyone wants to adopt him feel free cause I'm never drawing him again lmao Plus bonus Fakey expressions

[damifrfrx-x]

“No it broke cause I'm super strong.”

i think Craig was still high ngl helpme GELAPSHWKDKWM WHY DID HE EVEN SAU TGAG GTHOUGHHHSJDNE

[nothazellevesque]

911 characters as things I have said to my friends:

Bobby: my father has started appearing to me in my dreams. which would be kind of concerning if he talked about anything except cooking or giving me life advice

Athena: i love you. but if you drag me into another one of your situations i will be so unbelievably disappointed.

Hen: in a pinch i think i could do surgery. like if i had to i think i could figure it out

Chimney: i think if someone offered me a piece of gum i wouldn’t ask any questions. id just start chewing. willy wonka would’ve loved my dumb ass

Maddie: i love my baby sibling. i do however think that they were designed in a lab specifically to stress me out to the point of madness

Eddie: i think it’s so unfair that my job expects me to be mentally stable. i clock in on time and i do my job well. my mental health is none of your business

Buck: family disappointment implies im upset about it. im having a ball in this bitch

[arrowheadedbitch]

Tim gets what I call a "Cosmic Hangover" if he overused or sometimes wayyy underuses his powers. If he over uses his power, before he gets the hangover he'll be in a state simular to mania. It's like if a manic episode included symptoms of ...cosmic insanity? Does that make sense? Ethereal madness? I think you know what I mean. He sounds like the fucking mad hatter or willy wonka. Even the riddler cannot handle his weird nonsense talk that actually makes perfect sense, they just don't have the capacity to understand! Or it's just nonsense and everyone thinks he needs to go the fuck to bed and sleep of whatever new toxin MUST have been tried out on his ass bc that bitch is HIGH

[voidsentprinces]

We all couldn't understand why people were losing their shit over Willy Wonka. But then Amaury Guichon came along constantly making people lose their fucking shit as he makes an entire functioning Ford Model T out of chocolate. Now we understand....we understand that GRANDPA JOE IS A NO GOOD FUCKING LEECH HE COULD OF GOTTEN UP ANY TIME HE WANTED AND HELPED WITH CHORES OR DINNER BITCH ASS GRANPA JOE FUCKING GOOD FOR NOTHING WORTHLESS PIECE OF S

[secretnook]

*Monster by Kanye West ft. Nicki Minaj starts playing and it’s not acknowledged until Nicki’s verse*

Sam:

Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta

With a bad

Jamie: bitch

Sam: that came from Sri Lanka

Yeah, I'm in that Tonka, color of Willy Wonka

You could be the king but watch the Queen conquer

Colin: *yelling*

Okay, first things first I'll eat your brains

Then I'ma start rockin' gold teeth and fangs

'Cause that's what a motherfuckin' monster do

Hairdresser from Milan, that's the monster 'do

Monster Giuseppe heel, that's the monster shoe

Young money is the roster and the monster crew

And I'm all up, all up, all up in the bank with the funny face

And if I'm fake, I ain't notice 'cause my money ain't

Isaac: *cuts off Colin*

So let me get this straight, wait, I'm the rookie?

But my features and my shows ten times your pay?

Fifty K for a verse, no album out

Yeah, my money's so tall that my Barbies gotta climb it

Hotter than a Middle Eastern climate, violent

Tony Matterhorn, dutty wine it, wine it

Nicki on them titties when I sign it

That's how these guys so one-track minded

Jamie: *gets in Isaac’s face*

But really, really I don't give a F-U-C-K

"Forget Barbie, fuck Nicki 'cause sh-she's fake"

"She on a diet, " but my pockets eatin' cheesecake

And I'll say bride of Chucky is child's play

Just killed another career it's a mild day

Besides, Ye, they can't stand besides me

I think me, you and Amb' should ménage Friday

Will: *cuts in out of no where*

Pink wig, thick ass, give 'em whip lash

I think big, get cash, make 'em blink fast

Now look at what you just saw, this is what you live for

Ah, I'm a motherfuckin' monster

*Sam/Colin/Isaac/Jamie/Will jumping up and down yelling and hyping each other up*

[emeraldbabygirl]

Bro I wanna redownload mechat?? Look how hot they are?

Bonus: I want him but he’s not an option 😭😭😭

Also whomst the fuck is this Willy Wonka lookin ass bitch

[sicklegirlvanna]

(Miranda walking into the meeting room and instantly scrunched her face up at the horrific stench in the air):what in the everloving hell is that smell

Alcina:karl pass the damn thing already you've been letting it burn out

Karl: shut yo free willy built ass up alcina I pass when I wanna pass

Sonya: that is not how it works steampunk willy wonka

Donna: right the rule is puff puff pas stupid ass boy

Savannah: Donna I thought u was finna say something else

Alcina: *snatches blunt outta hand* give me that shit ugly ass-

Miranda: you all need to shut the hell up put the goddamn weed away and look for a vessel for eva

Savannah: shut yo emo tweety bird ass up

Donna...

Alcina...

Sonya...

Karl...

Miranda: girl how bout you get the hell out is that all you got four eyes

Savannah: you know what fuck that if you don't get yo WANNA BE GOD DECEPTICON UGLY ASS ON BOY YOU MOW THE LAWN BY EATING THE GRASS YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A COD MAP YO LOOK AT YO MASK YOU GOT THAT SHIT OFF ALIEXPPRESS STUPID ASS BITCH YOU LOOK LIKE A GHETTO DEMONIC SESEMEE STREET CHARACTER IF YOU DONT GET YO BIG BIRD FROM 63RD ELMO FROM THE O LOOKING ASS ON SOME WHERE IF YOU DONT GET YO IM LOOKING FOR A VESSLE FOR MY DAUGHTER HARRY NO POTTER BITCH IT NOT GONNA WORK WHY DO YOU BOTHER LOOKING ASS ON BITCH YOU LOOK EMO AS FUCK IF YOU DONT GET YO HOW CAN YOU SEE INTO MY EYES LIKE OPEN DOORS LOOKING ASS ON ANGELINA JOLIE OFF WHISH LOOKING ASS ON YOU LOOK LIKE MUSCLE MAN OFF THE REGULAR SHOW MY MOMM STARLAAAAAAA MITCHHHHH LOOKING ASS LOOK AT YO HAND GONTLENTS THEM SHITS RUSTY AS FUCK JUST LIKE THAT HALO ON YO BACK THAT SHIT CHANGING COLORS GET YO GOOFY ASS ON

(Alcina donna sonya and karl laughing their asses off)

Savannah: you got anything else to say you cursed elden ring boss looking ass bitch

Miranda: nah I'm good

[potatowithahat]

Also on the same note this is now my colonel mustard

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 13 ("A Tisket A Tasket") Part 5, I Give Up

Just for funsies here's Jess calling Dean an idiot and Idiot admitting it.

Before I continued to slog through this absolutely mind numbing DALA (Dean and Lorelai Affair) episode, I uttered 6 words that I hope won't come back to bite me in the ass: "This can't possibly get any worse." Ahahahahahaha. There are 14 minutes left in the episode. I'm fucked. I've been on this one way too long and I'm determined to finish this. I'm just going to enjoy this Literati on a Bridge break. I'm going to my happy place where Dean doesn't exist and Rory is an orphan because Lorelai (and Chrisopher) don't exist and every episode is just 45 minutes of this.

"I'm so much happier here." R: "Why were you screwing with Dean an hour ago but you're suddenly being nice to me?" J: "Well it's the screwing with Dean that's an important step to getting here so I could be nice to you."

Ugh he took the fucking Quarter On A String so now I have to suffer through that fucking Lost and Found episode. God damn it Mariano! Why are the pretty ones always so dumb?

Did I mention that he is so pretty. I'm legally obligated to say that at least twice per Jess Episode. After Rory and Jess part ways, we cut to Rory returning home with a bag from the bookstore and Lorelai immediately shifts full gear into Weirdly Suspicious & Passive Aggressive Mode. When Rory admits she visited a bookstore and had a slice of pizza with Jess (oh the horror!) then goes to her room, Lorelai immediately shuffles her passive aggressive, suspicious little feet right in after her. 90% of the time that Lorelai and Rory meet to talk on their couch after Rory has just departed from the company of Dean or Jess, especially at night or at the end of the episode, it means Lorelai is about to dish out some horrible, horrible wisdom/life coaching. The Couch is where we have witnessed many classic mother-daughter bonding moments, such as the time Lorelai asked Rory to make sure Jess got his rabies shots before she slept with him. Ah, the couch.

Mmmm yep. *collects money*

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH. Here we go. I think it was the great Michael Scott who once said, Why are you the way you are? Honestly, every time I try to enjoy something fun or exciting, you make it...not that. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

Ya know, I stan Rory more and more lately with how she stands up for Jess. Sorry your mom's a bitch. How many more tmes I can rant into The Void about Lorelai's unhealthy grudge with Jess? How many more times can I point out that Lorelai has only had one prolonged interaction with Jess, while she's known Dean twice as long and he's been rude and used a condescending tone of voice with her many times, including the first time they met (on Willy Wonka night) and it literally just happened again moments ago. It's just mindblowing to me how she will not let this FUCKING GO and SIXTEEN years later in AYITL when she is married to his uncle she is STILL making digs at him over him being rude to her when he was 17, joking about how he should have a baseball thrown at his head.

I honestly don't think I could love Rory Gilmore more at this point. Bless her rationality and sweet heart and cute rose sweater that looks like a swirl of that strawberry icing you squeeze over instant oatmeal. Are you witnessing a historical moment right now? The birth of a Rory Stan? Sort of. It won't last forever, but since I won't go past season 4 anymore, then yes.

The "things she's seen and heard" are just her regurgitating what Dean told her 5 minutes ago. LOL. She just took this kid's word as gospel, without even questioning it. The DALA is so fucked up, man! Lorelai is way too concerned with the lives of teenage boys! If Dean told Lorelai to jump off a bridge would she do it?

I really wish this were my gritty unrated Gilmore Girls spinoff titled The Hollow because I would have someone on this show actually acknowledge that Jess is honestly something of a miracle. His father abandoned him as a newborn, he had a tumultuous, negligent, inconsistent, possibly even abusive upbringing. His mother drank while she was pregnant with him. He grew up watching unsavory men in his mother's life circle in and out like a revolving door (according to Liz The Worst, one of them even died). Yet he doesn't turn to any real crime, drugs, alcohol, or even sex (okay, well bless his heart he tries there but people seem to cockblock him at every turn). HE SKIPS SCHOOL TO WORK AT WALMART. In real life kids like that are really lucky if the worst path they go down after that kind of chilhood merely involves them stealing loose change from an old fucknugget like Taylor Doose who deserves to be stolen from anyway. That bridge should have been fixed 10 years ago. Here's some of the train wreck. There were no survivors.

If Dean needs someone to talk to that badly he can get a diary or a dog or a sock puppet or like, one fucking friend his own age. I think half of the issues of this show could be solved if these people had more friends. Can't Taylor Doose swing some kind of town wide Bid-A-Friend Auction? Or emotional support animals?

Sure but like, did you ever stop to think that you and Dean are actually his only "enemies" and it's completely one sided because he couldn't care less about you, and also, your enemy is a 17 year old boy and you're a full grown adult lmao. Crazy lady. I wonder how Jess feels knowing he's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to a town full of boring nobodies who will go nowhere and do nothing while he will eventually makes millions of dollars from his best selling novels that get turned into blockbuster movies. Maybe someone will even make a movie about his life. I'm going to think about who could play Milo/Jess in a movie about himself while Lorelai yammers on and remains in denial about how insane she is. What do you think? Lorelai says Rory is "So young and naive, so nice and gives everyone a chance"; what she's really saying is "Jess doesn't deserve a chance, not even from you." I stoppped watching at this point and only skimmed a few more seconds. I saw that Rory stormed off, Lorelai and Rory fight over it at FND, Emily is confused, Lorelai says "I didn't like Dean at first because I didn't know him, I don't like Jess because I know him." You know what, there are times when this show starts to get my under my skin so much that I’m just not enjoying it and there’s no point in finishing the episode. In conclusion, Lorelai sucks and ruins everything and my number one Hill To Die On will continue being that Dean and Lorelai are sleeping together because there is no other logical explanation possible for why she talks about him like this. Goodnight!

Edit: guys, sorry that I was so enraged with Lorelai The Worst that I managed to gloss over the fact that Rory and Jess went on a Book Shopping and Pizza PRE-DATE 😍😍😍😍 THEIR FIRST ONE!

In my Gilmore Girls spinoff The Hollow we would see every minute of every Pizza and Book date and pre-date I promise you this 🥰 No skimping!

[damifrfrx-x]

guys i got a new phone rararaarr

[muselixer]

dumb things my friends and I have said: 2023!

part two: april - june apologies ahead of time for length! feel free to change pronouns if need be. warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)

“Astral projecting your spirit into a cloud with your face on it isn't a good battle strategy.”

“His circulation is immaculate. Do you KNOW how fast his heart beats?”

“Wow. I did all of that for NINETY CENTS.”

“Live from a satellite orbiting his own ego...”

“If your personality can best be described as ‘cat’, you MAY be autistic.”

“I NEED TO FOCUS, YOU NASTY BITCH.”

“Actually, I’m just gonna aim a firecracker thru their window, that should get them to stop.”

“My brain decided to live la vida loca.”

“In a WalMart? Nah, same difference.”

“It’s a little treat for me, for being a good boy while I’m home alone.”

“I’m going to Willy Wonka this child.”

“If I die soon, just know I got air-striked.”

“I just wanna feel like a bad bitch again...”

“My auditory is so not processing that.”

“He eats the WHOLE fucking chin.”

“Who needs weed when my brain is fucking broken?”

“Your voice sounds like you need chapstick.”

“You ask a lot of questions, so I’m just staring.”

“He should shut his mouth before I Matrix it away from him.”

“Can’t I platonically give my bro a bath?”

“It makes me wish our walls were fat.”

“The thing about coffins is that you don’t have to experience being inside of one.”

“I have autism because I was a pothead in middle school.”

“You’re basically hot-boxing my cooch under there.”

“No sweetheart. Lola Bunny’s father Walter Bunny did not host Family Fued.”

“That shit gave me dinosaur arms.”

“He could’ve eaten her ass and she wouldn’t have noticed him there.”

“PUT ON PANTS, SIR. ...Well, I mean, okay. In public. Put on pants, in public.”

“DALE EARNHEART IS THE TAXI DRIVER?!”

“I need to say something mean to you and I don’t wanna say it.”

“How can he be homeless? He has a 3D printer.”

“I don’t think eating ass is kosher.”

“As it turns out, eating ass is indeed kosher. If anyone even cares.”

“I get it, okay? I get it. I do. But there are better ways to look like a drug addict.”

“I hope this isn’t a symptom of something I haven’t researched heavily.”

“TEKASHI SIXNINE MAKES GAY PORN?”

“Do I look submissive and beatable to you?”

“Dude, I swear to god, your mom. No, I’m serious. Listen to me. Your mother.”

“If you weren’t my friend, I would have picked you up and thrown you.”

“Hang on.” (takes out phone to send a text) “Yeah, they said those aren’t valid pronouns.”

“Who would pass up an opportunity to eat shit?”

“I like my men PATHETIC.”

“Can you tell I’m terminally online?”

“Binge watching this show would fix me. ...That’s a lie, it would destroy me.”

“Turn me into a mouse I’m begging you.”

“Crash Bandicoot lookin’ ass.”

“I’m not a stuffy! I move and I eat fruit snacks!”

“You’re delusional and deserve to be put down like a dog.”

“Imagine having a name. Couldn’t be me.”

“Have you ever heard of boogercore?”

[classicmeevs]

i like that willy wonka actually thinks his bitch ass has a case with that fucking contract, not to mention he had the minor sign it instead of the guardian

[lenorethequietbookkeeper]

And now, some more totally legit ZoP lore for the day;

-Skittles are still a thing but they're colored with lead paint.

-Everything in Pythonel's world history is the same as ours, except that Ronald Reagan had a third term as President.

-Wendigoon is Jesus.

-Jeagar's first act as holder was having every recorder (the instrument) in existence gathered up and burnt.

-But Ferris' bitch ass still managed to get a hold of one solely to annoy him.

-The Unknown is a real character in ZoP's Willy Wonka story.

-There was a Hollywood Undead, but the holders had them murdered for "copyright infringement".

-Aldin had killed the most people out of the entire main cast, all of said deaths being caused by vehicular manslaughter.

-Why does this man still have a license? He keeps accidently running over the DMV employees that come to confiscate it.