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cloveroctobers · 3 months

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My thoughts for S3 of the Bear after my first watch 😮‍💨 *CONTAINS SPOILERS!*

I think I get what they were trying to do with this season although I still said, “what the hell was that?” After I finished the finale last night. Binged tf out of it and it’s Saturday! I picked it up when they mentioned, “subtract,” in that one episode. I’ll have to give it a rewatch and WILL once I start writing for this season. This season was heavily past focused and how that led all these characters to their current states. That works in some senses when it comes to the kitchen and the drive to be the best of the best.

However it did fall short in some moments where characters should have had more of a story or say in situations (thankful we got to see how Tina got to the bear, which is a great episode! Relatable even.) and it feels like the progression they made in season 2 feels diminished almost. Idk if they changed writers this season or not but I don’t like how they made Sydney feel small to Carmy’s false promises in S2.

I guess that was their way of creating a parallel to Carmy’s experience coming up in high end restaurants but it completely erases what they worked for. A partnership. Don’t get me wrong, Carmy is clearly not well (who is?) but I wouldn’t be mad if Syd dipped again atp—yet I’m sure that’s what some want anyway. Although S2 ofc ended rough and had to bleed into S3 it still left a frustrating view for the audience. You can argue this or that but clearly things are missing.

Carmy doesn’t even mention or acknowledge that he now has a niece? Sugar’s pregnancy symbolizes new life, new beginnings which was what S2’s message was mixed with purpose. I didn’t expect S3 to be all sunshine’s and rainbows considering its title but damn! No pictures sent to him either? Guess that was just a moment for Sugar and Donna—which is fine! We get to hear how each sibling came into this world and how that’s a metaphor for how they live(d). We got to see Donna attempting to actually be a mother, listening to her child and stating that she’s trying to be better even though it’s hard and that Sugar won’t be like her towards her own nameless daughter. But not even a phone call to his sister? Nothing. Perhaps that was deliberate because Carmy’s “focus,” is always on the kitchen instead of his own empathy when it’s time for service. It makes him dissociated, mean, and only his decisions/voice matters.

It was powerful to actually see Carmy shed a tear. It’s evident that the man is going through pain, he’s grieving for everything, not just his upbringing and Mikey, but for who he once was; someone who has the talent and is willing to learn how to be the best but even better than that. He’s got that trauma that’s going to last forever, just like Donna said, Carmy took forever to come into this world and by then the Berzatto’s were already damaged.

Carmy knows he can create and put that into his cooking. He’s been trained to put his all into his craft but I don’t think it’s anything he’s passionate or even joyous about anymore. He’s doing what he thought everybody thought he couldn’t do—at least that’s what he says in S1? In reference to Mikey. He initially wanted to do this with Mikey but then we learn that Mikey isn’t into it really. He just took over because their old man was a deadbeat and left it to be their problem. That’s typical oldest sibling energy, taking on the role to be who everyone looks up to and has all the answers but they take on the load of everyone’s shit as well. It all became too much for Mikey in the end. Which is significant to the Berzatto’s, its problems on problems without anybody knowing how to effectively communicate as a family. They’re used to being loud and that’s how Carmy moved through his time at that New York restaurant— was that the one named, “The French Laundry?” There’s a lot to unpack so I forget some details sorry. Chef Asshole was basically a trigger to how Carmy was raised and apparently that made Carmy “better,” and he should be thankful that chef asshole basically beat the shit out of him physically, mentally, and emotionally but that just added another fucked up scar to him.

So Carmy subtracts.

Subtracts from the fact that he apologizes to Richie over voicemail once they’re back face to face but clearly Richie isn’t ready to forgive. They’re just coworkers at this time, that love is buried in that freezer. Richie doesn’t care about any personal shit that Carmy has going on (Cl*re), he subtracts from his own version of love he tries to give to Carmy. He sets Carmy off with anything he disagrees with and it’s pettiness because he also doesn’t know how to talk to Carmy which again gets erased once we get to the end of S2. Richie also once told Carmy that he’s all he has. It’s automatically an attack when Richie has no problem being vocal and Carmy constantly explodes and Richie is the easiest target since the way they normally communicate is screaming at each other.

Carmy has a chance to connect with Marcus and he does during the “legacy,” episode and Carmy takes his words about taking the bear to great heights as a way to honor Marcus’ mother in a previous episode. They all show up at the memorial more than a funeral because a black funeral isn’t like this tbh! That’s another conversation though! Yet once it’s time to call it to start service, Carmy turns it all off and begins screaming at Marcus again when he’s running expo.

He does this to Tina too, ready to stand over her when she’s making the pasta dish but thankfully Sydney takes over because we know he would have turned into chef asshole 2.0 if Sydney let that slide. And we don’t even need to get started on how he’s treated Sydney so poorly this season since he’s going through shit and doesn’t know how to handle it.

Sure it’s a bit of an excuse but I loved Sydney telling him that she’s not his babysitter. He needed to hear that. They also erased them having more one on one time and made it more subtle which hasn’t gone unnoticed 🍅!!! But we love that Carmy’s dish was Syd’s best meal imo!

The conversation with Chef Andrea Terry about her telling him what she would have told the younger version of herself, that it’s okay to not know WTF you’re doing but that also makes you invincible is probably a set up for season 4 but that can also send everyone further spiraling as well depending on how the writers decide to spin it.

Then we end with the review being up. It’s anything but good based on Carmy’s reaction, at first I thought it was Syd’s decline of the contract but it’s been the review they’ve all been dreading. Mostly Carmy and actually Uncle Jimmy, since he’s also not communicating or being honest that the bear might actually be over too.

So that does leave the debate of: does everything that you’ve worked extremely hard for have to be lost in the end because you’re simply lost yourself in this world but at least you’ve tried? Like Chef Terry once said.

Carmy constantly feels like what he’s doing lately is a waste of time (throwing out dishes that visually look nice, not reaching out to cl*ire—although personally I’m not a fan of that ship but he fucked up regardless because you don’t treat people like that, not staying in budget, the break down of the boxes, all these things he’s set up on his own and his team that are trying to follow his lead but it’s not turning out the way he wants it to, etc) even with everything he’s given to be such an excellent chef. Is he finding cooking to be a waste of time to true or is that just everyone being in his head? Yet again. Can things always be figured out or is subtracting ultimately the solution?

Guess we’ll have to see.

#the bear season 3 spoilers #my little analysis idk #carmy berzatto

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the-ancient-fae · 1 year

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🎃 Valerie Henderson 🎃

- Basics -

Full Name - Valerie Ashlynn Henderson

Meaning of Name -

Valerie: Strong and healthy

Ashlynn: Dream

Henderson: Son of Henry

Nickname - Val, Valley, Ash, Ashley, Lynn, Bimbo

Race/nationality - Caucasian

Occupation - Manager at a thrift store in Hawkins called Again and Again

Social Class - Middle

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- Physical Appearance -

Age - 21

How old does character appear? - 23

Eye color - Olive

Hair Color - Naturally brown but she dyes it bright red

Style - Goth, punk, grunge

Weight - 157.9 pounds

Height - 5'6

Type of bodybuild - Curvy

Skin Tone - Warm ivory/ sand

Skin Type - Normal

Distinguishing Marks - Her tattoos

Freckles? - No

Scars? - Yes

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- Favorites -

Favorite Color (s) - Red, pink, purple, blue, orange, and black

Least Favorite Color (s) - Green and yellow

Favorite Music - Rock, pop

Least Favorite Music - R&B, country

Favorite Food - Tacos, pumpkin pie, sweet potato fries

Favorite Literature - Mystery, romance, thriller

Favorite Transportation Mode - Driving

Daredevil or Cautious? - Both

Same When Alone? - Yes

Habits - Messing with her hair when she's anxious, biting her lip, tapping her nails on things

Hobbies - Reading, doing her makeup, listening to music, dancing

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- Background -

Hometown - Hawkins, Indiana

Type of Childhood - Uneventful, fairly normal

Most Important childhood event that still Affects Character Today - Her dad leaving

Religion - N/a

-----------------

- Family -

Mother - Claudia Henderson

Relationship with her - They're very close

Father - Unknown

Relationship with him - Nonexistent

Siblings - Yes

How many? - 1

Birth order - Valerie, Dustin

Relationship with each - They're very close

Children of siblings - None

Extended family - None

Close? Why or why not - N/a

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- Attitude -

Most at ease when - She's reading a book or listening to music

Priorities - Graduating college and starting her own business

Philosophy - Think for yourself, not by yourself

How Character Feels About Self - She's very confident in herself

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- Personality -

Greatest Strength - Not letting what other's think get to her

Greatest Weakness - She wears her heart on her sleeve, making it easy for other's to hurt her if they want to

Soft spot - Animals and children

Biggest Vulnerability - She's always willing to help people, she can be easily taken advantage of

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- Traits -

Pessimist or Optimist? - Optimist

Introvert or Extrovert? - Extrovert

Drives and Motivations - Making a good life for herself, being able to financially help her mom and brother, getting out of Hawkins

Talents - Makeup, dancing

Extremely Skilled At - Money management, budgeting

Extremely Unskilled At - Baking

Good Characteristics - She's sweet, charismatic, and loving

Character Flaws - It's impossible for her to be mad at someone for longer than 5 seconds no matter what they do

- Extras -

- She's in college for business management

- Someone started a rumor that she's a bimbo in her freshman year and it's made its way through Hawkins and hasn't died down

- She feeds into the rumor just for fun

- She takes the bimbo remark as a compliment since it means she's hot

- She graduated high school at the top of her class

- She received several thousand dollars worth of scholarships

- She has a 4.0 GPA that's held up since it started being calculated

- She doesn't have many friends

- The only people who know she isn't a bimbo are: Her mom, Dustin, Jim Hopper, Joyce Byers, Steve, Nancy, Robin, Jonathan, Billy, Eddie, Mike, Will, Lucas, Max, Eleven, and Erica

- When she started college, she started taking dance classes

- She loves ferrets

- She's a great hugger

- She's willing to do anything for her friends and family

Faceclaim: Sydney Nicole Addams

#stranger things #oc #stranger things rp #oc rp #dustin henderson

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nightowlfandom · 3 years

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Billy Loomis And Stu Macher x Reader- Our Favorite Girl (Slight gore warning)

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Leggo!

...(Trigger warning, stabby stab)

“Hey newbie!”

You looked up from your textbook to find Stu Macher prancing up to you. With a polite smile, you greeted him.

“Hi Stuart.” you said. “How are you?”

“Hey! I said you didn’t have to be so ‘oooh hi Stuart I’m so prim and proper.’ “ he laughed out loud. “We’re friends aren’t we?”

“I guess so.” you laughed nervously. “ Um...what’s up?”

“I’m havin’ a party and you’re coming!”

“Parties?” You frowned. “I-uh...” you wanted to reject the idea. You hated parties and your parents would probably blow a fuse if they knew what was going on around town. ‘Stuart, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not, kitten?” he winked. “Afraid to be seen with little ol’ me?” there was a darkness behind his words that you couldn’t ignore. “Don’t like being out after dark?”

“I’m not the partying type is all.” you shrugged. “If you hadn’t noticed, I’m not the most popular person around here.” you stared down at your shoes. “I just don’t wanna ruin your party. I’m the last person you wanna be seen with.”

“It’d make me real happy, kitten.” he stepped forward and slipped his fingertips under your chin and made you look up. “Please? Just for a few minutes.”

Call it weakness, but you couldn’t say no to him.

“Okay.” you smiled lightly. “I’ll go”

“Great! Don’t worry, it’ll be super memorable.” he winked as he skipped off.

Later on, you were walking to your locker only to bump into Adam. Typical bully. “Hey Y/N. Heard you were going to Macher’s party tonight...you gonna wear a dress for me?”

“No.” you answered curtly. “It’s amazing how you don’t seem to have anything better to do other than shove your nose into my business.” you hugged your books to your chest. “Can I go now?.”

“Hey...is there a problem?” you turned around to find Billy Loomis stalking up to you. You had seem him a handful of times but never actually talked to him before. “You...where do I know you from?”

“I sit behind you in English. We had a project together once.” you replied sheepishly. “Stuart forces me to sit between him and his girlfriend at lunch when they’re fighting. You talk to me from time to time...”

“Stuart...” he raised an eyebrow. “You mean Stu?”

“mhm! You probably don’t remember me because I never reply...” you nodded.

“You goin’ to his party or somethin’?”

“He asked me to go.” you trailed off. “You’re going too, right?”

“ Why? Excited to meet me there?”“ he smirked, totally ignoring Adam at this point.

“I mean...” you stared down at your books. “I was hoping someone I’d know would be there.”

Billy raised an eyebrow at you. You gave off a shy aura and for some reason he was into that. He and Stu had been planning a massacre, and they were gonna blame that damned Sydney Prescott. It was the perfect crime.

“Hm...I’ll see you there.” he winked at you, then sent a death-bringing glare at Adam. “Problem, handsome?” he sneered as he passed the athlete.

... at the party

“Not even three hours in and I have to hide...” you cursed yourself out. “Damn asshole...!”

Adam was informed that you had arrived and was looking for you, shit!

You ran into the kitchen, losing your breath. “Billy?”

The suspect in question whipped around. Billy was holding what you assumed was the house phone and instantly hung it up. “Hey...”

“Am I glad to see you.” you sighed.

“Somethin wrong?”

Billy was in the middle of executing his plan, but for some reason he couldn’t help but want to talk to you.

“Adam is looking for me.” you sighed. “Could I...stay here with you? Please?”

Billy smiled, darting out his tongue to run across his bottom lip. You were absolutely adorable. “I have a better idea.” he smirked, walking up to you. “Why don’t we send him a little message?”

“You have a girlfriend.” you put a hand on Billy’s chest. “I c-can’t.”

“Not anymore...she dumped me for Randy.” he tusked. ”Figures right?”

“Well...that’s her fault...you’re pretty cool.” you bit your lip.

“So...” Billy tilted your head up towards you. “Let me-”...he gently kissed your lips. While it felt wrong, you melted into him. He held the side of your face in his hand. Sidney wasn’t your friend, not by a longshot, but you still respected her. The fact that Billy was so willing to kiss you, like this.

“For once...stop worrying about other people.” he mumbled against your lips. “Just live in the moment...shit I know what I want...you know what you want...so act on it damnit.”

“Are we still talking about getting Adam off me back or-”

“Shush...don’t think.”

“Kinda hard to when your girlfriend is in the other room”

“Shut up.” he shushed you, tightening his arms around you. You kissed him back with just as much urgency. How would the others react, seeing this...seeing you. Billy backed you up against the counter. Before it could get any farther, you both heard screaming, girlish screaming.

“What the hell was that?” you asked, feeling your heart race.

“Stay here.” Billy ran in the direction of the noise, leaving you to stand there in terror.

You could hear screams and cries for help, followed by what sounded like gleeful laughter. You were left frozen in place as a man with a mask on his face kicked open the kitchen door.

You immediately braced yourself with a kitchen knife.

“Stay back!” you warned. “I will cut you!”

“Easy kitten, I’m not gonna kill ya.”

Call it ignorance. Call it instinct, but there was something familiar about the way this stranger spoke to you.

“What did you just say?” you dared ask this man. “Did you just call me kitten?”

“You’re naive, childish...and adorable...like a little kitty cat.” the way he laughed under the mask led you to believe he was laughing with his tongue stuck out.

There was only one person that you knew who spoke like that. You slowly lowered the knife and walked up to him cautiously. The figure didn’t move in the slightest. You were standing toe to toe with him.

You cautiously raised the mask only revealing the bottom half of the strangers face...only they weren’t a stranger.

“Stu.” you concluded.

“....You said my name.” he flirted.

“Care to explain?”

“In a bit...got something to take care of.” he straightened his mask again before disappearing again.

It was only less than a minute before Stu came quite literally crawling back into the kitchen.

Stu doubled over, holding his stomach as you rushed over to his side. “Stu?” you put a hand on his forehead. “Stu, please don’t be dead!” you winced. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” That damn Sidney...she must have had something to do with this.

“Y/N...it hurts.” Stu moaned in pain. “Hold me?”

You wasted no time in gathering him to the best of your abilities. He rested his head in your knee. You hummed thoughtfully, shushing him while you used his sweater to apply pressure to his stab wound.

“Y/N, are you sure you aren’t an angel?” He shamelessly flirted, smiling through his pain.

“No, I’m not.” you giggled. ”Save your energy.”

“I’d have more if you just gave me those lips of yours...” he winked. Just to shut him up, you kissed his forehead.

“Not what I meant, but works for me.”

As you chided the poor boy, Sydney ran into the kitchen, screaming at the top of her lungs while Billy also wounded stumbled behind.

“Billy??” you gasped in horror. Seeing you must have caused him to loose his footing, because he slowed his movements. You laid Stu on his back and urged him keep his sweater over his wound.

You scrambled to your feet, eyeing Sidney with a glare no one had ever seen you wear.

“Y/N! You’ve got to believe me! They’ve been the ones doing this.”

“I find that really hard to believe that when you were just standing over Stu with a bloody knife.” you seethed. “Your own boyfriend? Really?” you dared step closer.

“Y/N! They’re manipulating you!” she began crying. “You have to see it!” She was obviously hysterical.

“Then give me the knife.” you faked calm, cautiously stepping towards her. “Give me the knife...and we can-” you stopped yourself. You looked over at Billy, praying he wouldn’t be mad. “We’ll call the cops.” you you held your hand out.

“WHAT?” Billy seethed. You avoided his gaze. Hopefully he wouldn’t sense your fear.

“Trust me...” you said, just barely above a whisper. You were mostly talking to Billy, but had to make it look like it was directed at her. “We can get out of this...”

Sidney (very stupidly) outstretched her hand, the one that was holding the knife. Once it was within your reach, you grabbed her wrist, and grabbed the blade with your free hand, throwing it to the side. You tackled to to the floor and held her down.

“Crazy bitch.” you mumbled. She began thrashing, and screaming bloody murder. You were eventually able to get the best of her. “Whoever is the least dead...COPS...NOW!” You struggled as Sidney screamed. “This bitch is out of her mind!.”

“I have a better idea.” A seemingly fine, and now very much not dead Stu rose to his feet, a sick smile plastered on his face. The knife had slid over to him and you hadn’t even realized. You were too focused on keeping Sidney on the floor.

Suddenly you were yanked back into Billy’s arms as a sharp object came down from above, plunging through Sidney’s chest.

“Oh my god!” you buried your head into Billy’s shirt, trying to block out the terrible sounds you heard the terrible sounds of skin ripping.

“Shhh it’s over babe.” He shushed you. “It’s okay.” he stroked your hair with his bloody hand. Stu laughed manically as he wiped the sweat off his face.

“Some party huh.” Stu cackled. He wasted no time in sandwiching you between himself and Billy.

“You had us thinking you’d betray us, Kitten.” Stu dug his head into your shoulder.

“Y/N would never do that to us...she’s our good girl.”

“You guys are-”

“Absolutely.”

“And this party was-”

“Smart girl.”

“And now that you know our little secret, we’re never letting you go, kitten!” Stu laughed.

“And if you tell anyone, we’ll have no choice but to take you down with us...but you won’t do that to us, will you?” Billy asked, nuzzling his head into your neck.

#slasher imagines #slasher fan fiction #imagines #slashers #slasher x reader #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #stu macher x reader #ghostface imagines #billy x reader x stu #scream imagines #billy loomis imagines #stu macher imagines #horror imagines #poly ghostface

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calpalirwin · 4 years

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I Hate California

Summary: Blake Harris’ symbol of why he hates California ends up at his work.

A/N: I’ve been in a bit of a writer’s funk, so @frontmanash suggested I write something more on the outside of my comfort fluffy writing zone. So, we have her (and Dylan Brady’s I Hate California) to thank for this masterpiece.

Content: Just angst.

Word Count: 2.2k

And away, and away we go!

I braced my hands on my knees, breathing hard. Despite the scorching heat that made me feel like all the water in the world wouldn’t be enough to quench my thirst, and the scratches on my legs from our hike, I couldn’t help but smile over at the boy who stood on the edge of the world, his arms stretched out wide. The view was impeccable, like he had promised, but him and I had differing opinions on what that view was. “Isn’t it beautiful?” he breathed, his eyes shining like melted gold in the sun.

“Very,” I grinned. “You’d fit in good here, babe.”

“You think?!” he asked, his voice full of excitement and hope.

“Yeah, had you more pegged as a Seattle type, though,” I teased.

His laugh rang out around us, a loud boyish sound that warmed me up more than the California sun could ever hope to do on its own. “Very funny, babe. But LA is where the music scene is now. It’s where everything is.”

“It’s not where I am,” I whispered in his ear, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He laughed again, too enchanted with the daydream playing his head to properly digest my words. “Neither am I. But I could be.”

“I.” My heart cracked, a small fissure forming. Not “we.”

~~~

5 Years Later

My throat tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. So Ashton had finally done it. The last domino in a long line of my world crashing down. An ending I had seen from the beginning. Something that was still just a hopeful daydream when we had last seen each other. When we had set into motion the end to our thunderous finish.

And now the radio station I worked at was having them as our guests. I hated how every time I closed my eyes everything replayed like a movie scene.

To those who passed by us, we looked like mad men, our shouts echoing off the buildings as we screamed at each other, his soft brown curls frizzing at the edges in the London rain. The final sob stuck in my chest as the reality we had tried for so long to deny set in around us. No matter how happy we were together, or how well we fit together, I knew he was happier in his life without me. And as selfishly as I wanted to keep him, to keep screaming until our voices grew hoarse and we collapsed one last time in each other’s arms, I understood that I had to let him go. To free him to keep living his life in London, or to move to Los Angeles, a city I knew held a place in his heart that I had been trying in vain to fill with myself.

I hated how badly I still hurt from a loss I knew was coming. And I absolutely despised California.

~~~

“And here in the studio with D and B in the Afternoon, it’s Sydney's success story, 5SOS!” Danica Schmidt, my co-host introduced, getting the interview going. “Happy to have you boys.”

“Happy to be here,” they answered, shaking our hands before taking the offered seats, adjusting their headphones as they did so.

It wasn’t lost on me how Ashton’s fingers brushed against mine when we moved away from each other, prolonging the contact, nor how his soft gaze stayed on me as he took his seat. A better man would have been ashamed at the smug satisfaction that coursed through me when I broke contact to busy myself with the notes for our interview and his smile faltered.

I let the practiced professionalism that came with doing a million interviews just like this one propel me through the last hour of our show, matching Danica’s positive energy for the sake of not sounding as dead on air as I actually felt. The more Danica and I rolled out the stats of 5SOS’ success, and listened to Ashton reassure us that him and the boys were really excited to be living their dreams, the more I wanted to vomit all over the studio and his expensive shoes.

After the small entirety of hell on Earth, I got to say, “Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you again, 5SOS, for coming in for a chat.”

“Yes, lovely to see you boys and catch up. Best of luck to ya,” Danica smiled.

“Thanks for having us,” they chorused.

“That’s it for D and B in the Afternoon, I’m Danica Schmidt,” Danica started our outro.

“And I’m Blake Harris.”

“And we’re 5SOS, and this is our hit single off our newest album, Youngblood. Be sure to pick up a copy.”

~~~

“Blake, wait up!” Ashton called out to me, his footsteps heavy as he half-jogged down the hallway to catch up to me. I kept walking. “Seriously, B?”

“Is there something I can help you with?” I asked, pausing and turning to look at him. I hated how I only came up to his chin, and how badly that made me want to rest under it like I used to. I forced my own chin upwards to look at the irritation written across his face. Again, smug satisfaction washed over me and I didn’t have it in me to feel ashamed for it. As happy as I was for him that he was happy, I hated that it was at my expense. I hated that he had never been mine to keep; that I had lost him before he ever really had a chance to be mine to start with. And I hated the fact that there would always be a piece of me that still loved him and probably always would. So to know I could still get under his skin the way he would always be under mine felt good, even if it did feel dirty.

Those pretty eyes that haunted my dreams rolled and his tongue clicked in his cheek, stemming his agitation. “That's how it’s gonna be, huh?”

“That’s how what’s gonna be, Ashton? You coming back into my life for a radio show, and then breezing right back out of it to do the next spectacular thing on the list of spectacular things Ashton Irwin can do without Blake Harris holding him back?”

“I- I didn’t know it was your radio show. If I had I-”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Of course ya didn’t…” I muttered. Why would he? Why would I be anything beyond a brief sentence in his life story? Why was I stupid enough to think I could have been more to him; the way he had been more to me?

“Blake Harris, pity party of 1, your table’s ready.”

“Yep. Good to see you too, Ashton.” I willed my feet to turn and move me further down the hall, putting him behind me.

I made it to my car before he caught up, his hand slamming down on my roof. “Damn you!” he cursed.

“What?” I was too exhausted to match his level of anger, and even if I wasn’t, I didn’t have it in me to fight a battle with him I had lost years ago. When I started my job at the radio station, I had been aware of the risk I was taking. I was aware that this moment right here could be happening, much like it was. I had rehearsed speeches, and played out scenarios almost as often as I had relived my actual moments with him. But now? All my attacks died on my tongue. I didn’t want him to admit that he was hurting the way that I was. I didn’t want him to hurt at all.

“You’re just going to push me away again?” The question caught me off-guard. In all my mind’s scenarios I never imagined him sounding so broken.

“I never pushed you away, Ashton. You can’t push something away you never had to begin with.”

“That’s because you never gave me a chance to be yours! You held me at arm’s length, remember?!”

My blood boiled and even though I hadn’t wanted to, I was fighting back. “You never wanted to be mine! You’ve always been in love with places, Ashton, not people!”

“What is so wrong about me wanting a life for myself?!”

“Nothing! God, Ashton, can’t you see that’s why I let go?! I knew I wasn’t enough for you, but I was selfish enough to try anyway!”

“You should have tried harder!”

“Why?! So it can hurt me more to see you happy in LA?!”

“Who said I was happy?!”

His question stunned me. If he wasn’t happy, then what had all this hurt been for? “Are you?”

“Yes…”

“Good. I love that you’re happy. I love that you have the life you always wanted for yourself.”

“But that didn’t mean I didn’t want you, too. God, Blake, you didn’t give me a fair chance, and we both know it. To you, we were doomed from the start, and you never bothered to check if it was true.”

“That’s not true…”

“Yes it is!” His fight was back, but heartwrenchingly so.

“No, it’s not!” I hurled back the schoolyard defense. “You were in love with LA, and what it could give you!”

“I was in love with you, too!”

“No you weren’t! You said “I” not “we,” Ashton! I was there! I remember!”

“You’re seriously going to take one part of one conversation over our entire relationship?!”

“It wasn’t just one part of one conversation, Ashton! It was every conversation! Whenever you talked about your plans, I was never in them!”

“I didn’t think you wanted to!”

“That right there was the problem! You didn’t think, Ashton! You never did!”

“Then why didn’t you ever say anything?! Why did you expect me to read your mind?! Why couldn’t you just let me in?!”

“Because you deserve LA! You deserve everything it’s given you and then some! You deserve everything that makes you happiest and I wasn’t it! I was never going to be what made you happy!”

“That wasn’t your decision to make for me, B! It’s my life, don’t you think I should get final say on who’s in it?!”

“You did get final say, Ashton! You went to LA , and left me with the memories! And I love that you love it, Ash, I really do. But I hate it. I hate that it has your heart in a way I never could. I hate that it keeps you warmer than my arms did. I hate California!”

“Then hate California, Blake! Go ahead and keep telling yourself the same bullshit lie about how you lost me to a place! A place! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?! You’re a person, Blake! You were never in competition with LA, just your own doubts.”

“My own doubts that you proved right at every turn, Ashton! You never missed me. Not the way I missed you.”

“And how do you know that?! How do you know that I didn’t miss you back then?! That I still don’t miss you now?! That I haven’t been playing scenarios of conversations just like this, only in those scenarios we don’t say a word, we just… fall back into place like we’re supposed to?”

“Because this isn’t some fantasy with a happy ending! Because this is reality! Because you’re fuckin happy, Ashton! God damn it! You’re happy. Without me.”

“I could’ve been happier with you, Blake!”

“Or you could’ve been fuckin miserable!”

“Yeah, well I’m already pretty fuckin miserable, so I guess you were right. Huh?! Is that what you want to hear?! That I’m miserable without you?! That even though I’m happy with my life I still feel empty because there’s a you-shaped hole in it?! Huh?! Is that what you want?! For me to scream out some declaration that reassures every doubt you ever had about us, and erases every stab of pain you ever felt?! The magical phrase of “I love you” that fixes years of silence and shit?! Because I’ll say it Blake! If that’s what it takes, I swear I’ll say it!”

“I want you to mean it! I want you to love me with the same devotion you love LA! That you would chase down everything to be with me! Damn it, Ash! I want to be chosen! And I want the person choosing me to mean it with every part of their being!”

“I did! I did mean it! I did choose you! You just never chose me back because you didn’t believe in what we were!”

“Did. Past tense...”

“I tried Blake... God damn it, I tried, but being with you was like dating a brick wall.”

“Yeah. Some fight you put up...”

“Whatever. If it’s easier for you to have me be the villain in your story, fine. Whatever makes you happy, Blake.”

“It wasn’t my happiness I cared about. Maybe if it was then this would be a different conversation.”

“Yeah, well… live and learn. G’bye Blake.” He hesitated briefly, his fingers giving a drumming tap on the roof of my car. Then, he was walking across the parking lot, and away from me. And I hated that I couldn’t hate him the way I hated myself and that damn state.

Tag List

@frontmanash @goeatsomelife @flameraine @here-for-the-uproars @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @sparkling-calm @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short @aquarius-hood1996 @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @philthepegacorn @boomerash

#i hate california #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #galcal irwin

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nala-kenmore · 4 years

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Bridge Over Troubled Water

Nala:

Since Sydney has to go off and help Michael with something, it’s just me and Caelus on the bridge. There’s not much to do for the moment, and it’s rare for it to just be the two of us- normally Marcellus or Tiberius would be here too. I try to make the most of the opportunity to speak to him without them around.

((How are you doing Caelus? I mean really, without just saying what you think I want to hear, where is your mind at now you’ve been awake for a few days?))

Caelus takes a moment to think it through before replying.

(Caelus): ((I’m ok, Nala. A lot of things are still confusing, but I have you and Marcellus and the Commander, so it doesn’t bother me.))

I sigh. ((I’m glad you’re not feeling bad, Caelus, but I want you to feel better than ok! What made you happy, before all of this?))

Again, Caelus pauses before replying, like it’s hard to think of an answer.

(Caelus): ((Having fun, I suppose, playing games and being silly. But it was only really fun if it made other people laugh...))

He trails off, and I sense his unspoken thought that there’s not a lot of us around at the moment. I knew that feeling all too well from the exile; perhaps that’s why he doesn’t want to talk about it. Instead, he moves on.

(Caelus): ((Apart from that… I enjoyed working in the lab, because it made sense to me, the same way games like blackjack do. There’s a logic to it, things are just right and wrong, so it’s easy to understand. I don’t know if it makes me ‘happy’, exactly? But it does feel good to know what I’m supposed to do without having to ask anyone.))

I nod at his answer. I’ve sensed in all of my brothers a desire to return to their allocated roles.

((I’ll try and figure out how to get you back in a lab soon, Caelus. I’m just in a bit of a difficult situation at the moment… I know that you wouldn’t cause trouble, and I’d be willing to vouch for you to Michael. But Tiberius and Marcellus… I still feel nervous leaving them to their own devices even for a whole day, never mind trusting them to do something that could hurt Michael if they purposefully failed. I wouldn’t want it to seem like I’m playing favourites by having you go back to work and not them. Although I suppose it could also be seen as showing them that good things will happen if they earn our trust…))

I understand that’s difficult for Tiberius and Marcellus at the moment. They’re stuck in a loop of not being trusted enough to do important tasks, but then not having a chance to prove that they can be trusted.

((In any case, that’s my dilemma to work on, not yours. It wouldn’t be fair to not let you do anything when you’ve done nothing wrong. I’ll find something that you can do, even if it’s not official work.))

Perhaps Sydney or Tulsix would be able to help him out, if they’re not too busy with other things. Caelus is smart, but technology has advanced a lot these past hundred years, so no doubt he has a lot to catch up on. Also, speaking of Sydney…

((I might even have my own project that you could help me to work on…))

Caelus smiles.

(Caelus): ((Thanks Nala. I know you’re doing your best to look out for us.))

I smile back, but then frown as I sense his confusion.

((What is it?))

(Caelus): ((I guess I just don’t understand… why? You have your memories back now, so you know… what we did…))

I sense Caelus’ hesitancy in even bringing it up. I turn away from him and block my emotions, which are currently swirling in reaction to what he said. Who would have thought such a complicated question would come from Caelus? I try to stay calm about it, because I don’t like being mad at my family.

((I know a lot of you didn’t really have any choice in the matter… and those that did, well, they thought they were doing what was best at the time, even if they were wrong…))

It’s hard to keep the anger out of my voice at the end. In fact, it’s hard not to be angry.

((I want to be better than them! To show them that you should never ever turn your back on your family, no matter what! Because do you know what the worst thing in the galaxy is, Caelus? It’s screaming out into the darkness and know that nobody is there!))

My mind takes me back to being in that cave all those years ago, how alone I felt before I was able to find Tiberius’ mind. And the reason why I ran away in the first place.

((None of you- none of you- know what it’s like to be truly alone in your mind! You’ve always had each other on the hive, and Michael’s always had me or his pets or his new family! You don’t know how painful it is… and nor will you! Because I will never let any of you go through something like that! I would rather die!))

It’s only as I sense Caelus’ fear that I realise how hysterical I’ve gotten. Oh no… Not only do I feel bad for scaring him, I know from the past couple of weeks that I make really bad decisions when I get like this. For both of our sakes, I take a few moments to calm down. I try to centre myself, go back to a better place, and explain my thoughts to Caelus.

((Do you know what my name means, Caelus? It means ‘gift’ or ‘beloved’. I think our parents called me that because I was their first girl after so many boys, I was a ‘gift’ to them just for existing in the first place. That’s how I saw myself as a child, that people should love me for no other reason than that I was there. I hated anyone that didn’t. But then having my memory wiped, getting to know you all properly, and then… others, who were different from myself…))

I don’t want to tell him about the humans and the Sanctuary just yet.

((I came to see things differently. Gifts are there to be given, love most especially. So that’s what I try to do now: for you, Michael and the rest of our family. For my friends. Even for strangers and people I don’t like, if I sense that they’re in a bad place. That’s why I’m doing my best to look out for you all, Caelus.))

He’s silent for a few minutes. I guess that is a lot to process for anyone, never mind him. Finally, he speaks to me.

(Caelus): ((I’ll look out for you too, Nala. I won’t let you be alone again.))

He wheels his chair over, and puts his arm around me. I lean my head on his shoulder; he’s probably the person I feel the most comfortable around in that sense. Not only is he my brother, he’s one of my best friends.

We sit like that for a while, keeping an eye on the console and just enjoying some time together, until we hear someone coming over onto the bridge.

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ryik-the-writer · 5 years

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Chapter 24 - Felix is helping Pan

[A03]

Chapter 1: Pan meets a Wendy Chapter 2: Scars (Felix’s Story) Chapter 3: Day One Chapter 4: Revenge and Fireflies Chapter 5: Brighter than Stars Chapter 6: filler: The Tigress Chapter 7: Operation Spotless! Chapter 8: Operation Spotless: Reporters Down Chapter 9: A Dance with the Devil Chapter 10: filler: Felix and the Pancake Chapter 11: The Girl with Blue Eyes pt. 1 Chapter 12: The Girl with Blue Eyes pt. 2 Chapter 13: The Girl With Blue Eyes: Underground Chapter 14. Recovery Chapter 14.2 Recovery some more Chapter 15: Trapped Chapter 16: Filth Chapter 17: Fairydust pt. 1 Chapter 18: Fairydust pt. 2 Chapter 19: The Mystery of the Dead Nun pt. 1 Chapter 20: The Mystery of the Dead Nun pt. 2 Chapter 21: The Mystery of the Dead Nun pt. 3 Chapter 22: Reflections pt. 1 Chapter 23: Reflections pt. 2

Chapter 24: Closing

Sydney Glass groaned as he sent tomorrow’s paper to the printers.

The issue was mundane and stocked with forgettable stories. In fact, their front page story was about a high schooler who won first place in the district-wide poetry contest.

It was soft, digestible news that was just satisfying enough to keep Storybrooke’s readers sated…

If woefully unsatisfied.

Glass refused to cave however. Keeping Pan away for a week would do the paper, as well as the whole town, some good. Hell, he should have forced the little shit to take a vacation years ago.

Soon enough the chaos from the past week would simmer down and everyone would put their pitchforks away.

Still, the place was awfully quiet without him and Wendy yelling at each other every five seconds.

He glanced out his office window where Felix was working on his computer. The photographer had stayed under the radar since the incident with Mother Superior, being a silent partner as Tink grieved.

Glass still wasn’t sure what he had expected him to do. He and Pan had always had this inaudible communication, always being joined at the hip without really being fused together.

The senior reporter decided not to dwell too much on his suspicion. As long as his work was complete, what harm could Felix’s communication with Pan do?

“Lock up when you’re done, would ya?” he called to the photographer as he put on his coat and hat.

Felix gave an absent nod as his answer and Glass left with a clean conscience.

The blond paused his faux typing and listened with earnest as the door to the exit clanged behind him.

He swirled in his chair and sent a quick text. Pan was bustling through the doors a second later.

“Took him damn long enough,” he cursed as he unraveled his scarf.

Felix didn’t feed into his irritation. He didn’t want to prolong their meeting just in case Glass or another staff member suddenly showed up.

“Here,” he said, handing Pan several thick files. “This was all they had. The Boston station hasn’t responded to my request yet.”

Pan nodded and flipped through the top file quickly, grinning like he had the biggest scoop of all time.

“This will work for now,” he clucked, hiding the files in his bag.

As Felix had expected, Pan didn’t immediately leave now that the task was complete. He was never one for small-talk unless he knew—despite frequent denying—that he had done something wrong.

It was amusing to the older blonde, to see the rawer parts of his wild friend. He had the inability to admit he was human, but he’d allow glimpses of that mortality to show, only to be buried again.

“Tink’s fine,” Felix offered when Pan didn’t speak.

“I didn’t ask about her,” Pan growled immediately.

“But you were thinking about her,” he countered, his heart skipping a bit. She didn’t know about tonight, about him gathering the files for Pan behind her and Glass’s back. But Felix had always had a time saying no to Pan about anything. Maybe it was because of how quickly he gained the power within their little circle, or perhaps it was because he had brought him back to life after his parents died, and somehow kept him alive after each and every seizure ever since. Peter Pan had a strange power over his heart and mind that not even the fear of losing Tink could break.

But…that was also his girl…and Pan needed to hear bitching from him now.

“You really hurt her,” he added.

“She’ll get over it,” Pan whined. “It’s not like that bitch would have been a mother to her anyway.”

“That’s not it,” Felix said. “She’s hurt because you drug her through the dirt like this. If it were Wendy, it would be one thing—we haven’t known her that long. You, we have history. You should be one of the only people in the world who would think twice about harming her in any way.”

Pan rolled his eyes, but he tilted his head away so Felix couldn’t see his face.

That’s why she was still mad? What the hell! He was Peter Pan for Christ’s sake! She should expect this from him!

Oh God…

She expected this from him and still got hurt.

He had struggled to rebury the trauma from his investigative rendezvous with Jekyll in the past few weeks, especially with Tink’s recent rage bringing back a serious case of déjà vu.

He would have never put her in the danger he had all those years ago, but the chance had literally presented itself before him. Jekyll’s target had been blondes with minor injuries—so minor that they could have easily walked out of the hospital without suspicion.

Tink fit the mold perfectly, and had he not been absolutely terrified for what was about to happen, he would have let her in on his plan.

That had been his biggest mistake.

Maybe she would have said yes, or maybe she would have called Graham in on it and ruined two months’ worth of work, but she had been kept in the dark. Because of him.

Tink wasn’t like Felix. She wasn’t pulled into the dark hole of his madness. She didn’t look at him, mesmerized, like a fly in the final moments before a spider sucks it dry. She was harder, less willing to put her faith and trust into anyone.

She never went along with anything he needed. She always tried to outright defy him at every turn. She had throttled any plan or suggestion he had made during their high school days, and had assisted Wendy during her first story just because she knew it would piss him off. It was a game he liked to play, because even if she was the opponent, she was never quite an enemy.

She was like him. Hard, very careful of who to let in. But Tink loved life more than he did, and had found a way to love those in it.

Including him.

And that was her biggest mistake.

She wasn’t hurt because of what he had done. She was hurt because he had done it.

“Are you listening?”

“No,” Pan muttered. “I stopped long ago,”

Felix’s gaze hammered into his spine until he was out of the building, hiding his face in the collar of his jacket.

It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. So what if Tink hated him for the rest of their natural lives? He didn’t need friends…he didn’t need companionship…or talks over coffee…or chaste remarks after his rashness got him hurt…or random conversations that filled the bouts of silence that threatened to swallow him whole.

He didn’t want them, but damn it he needed some kind of socializing in his life.

Felix’s loyalty. Wendy’s determination. Tink’s reasonability.

He messed up. He felt it down to the marrow of his bones. But he didn’t want to feel it, didn’t want to admit it.

He sped up to get to his apartment, pushing down anything he felt to the very ends of his soul.

He wouldn’t make this right. He couldn’t.

Because unlike Tink, Pan didn’t know how to use his heart.

#darling pan #darling pan fic #wendy darling #peter pan #felix ouat #tinker belle #ouat #ouat fic #once upon a time #ryik's fics

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myriadxofxmuses · 5 years

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SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

Side note: I will be answering these for Daryl, Emily, and Sydney rn because I'm feeling them the most. The general shipping questions apply to all muses. 😊

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Daryl - Carol, Clementine, Emma (platonic), Connie (possible romantic)

Sydney - None yet

Emily - Klaus (platonic)

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Anything but smut. I'm all for the angst and fluff of ships. I also love the friendships that grow between muses.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

I will only ever ship muses romantically when they are of age, the age gap only being a few years apart however.

Are you selective when shipping?

Yes. I let chemistry do the talking tbh. I've had some bad experiences with ships in the past where the mun became possessive and I try to avoid that happening again.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

If it seems like it could be NSFW then it is NSFW. I'm willing to write up to the point of the NSFW acts, but I'm very uncomfortable with anything smut related and usually fade to black after that. I tried to write smut with about three people and it just didn't ever feel less weird to me so I stopped.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

@twdgdeadmanwalking - Daryl really feels responsible for Clem now. He sees her as an adopted daughter and treats her as such, trying his best not to make her too mad at him when he has to act like an actual parent.

@seeance - Emily could not ask for a better friend in Klaus. Those two just clicked as bffs and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love it.

@noplagueofmxne - I never really though of Johanna and Haymitch, but the chemistry between these two was undeniable. I really miss writing with them, but Jo will always be shipped with this Hay. I just love their interactions.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Not necessarily, but bringing up the option to ship them is never a bother. I'm pretty oblivious to when people want to ship, so throwing the idea in my face if the chemistry seems to be working in their favor is always welcome.

How often do you like to ship?

Whenever chemistry is right.

Are you multiship?

Yes because I am multiverse/multi fandom. Each thread is their own world, but the underlying ship remains if that makes sense.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Depends on the ship. I do think about then a lot, but it comes in waves. Whatever muse/fandom I'm feeling at the moment, then those ships are more prevalent. I try not to spam too much shit for them though. I don't want to be anymore annoying with rp than I already am.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Daryl & Connie. That shit is just too cute.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Chemistry, be blatant with the want to ship, ooc chats about it, etc.

Tagged by: @twdgdeadmanwalking

Tagging: @wicked-bitch-of-the-west , @imcrowley , @tinxstar , @twd-is-my-shit , @mojavedevil , @goxinsane , @stillxsings ,

#twdgdeadmanwalking #wicked-bitch-of-the-west #imcrowley #tinxstar #twd-is-my-shit #mojavedevil #goxinsane #stillxsings #noplagueofmxne #[a fourth wall in a fourth wall is sixteen walls: ooc]#[the only one zen: daryl]#[silent war axe: johanna]#[swimming in strange waters: emily]#[that which does not kill us makes us strong: sydney]#[the fourth wall of a fourth wall is sixteen walls: ooc]

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inthedrift · 6 years

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More Chaleigh headcannons

Because I’ve been spreading a lot of sad recently so

Who hogs the blanket? - Chuckles, Raleigh doesn't feel the need for the blankets half the time, he grew up in Alaska for gods sake, a blanket in Sydney might just finish him off. Also Chuck gives off the heat of a dying star and is always adamant about wrapping himself around Raleigh's back and causing him to almost expire from heat exhaustion. So it's less Chuck hogging the blanket and more Raleigh fighting to have the thing as far away from him as possible

Who eats the others uneaten pizza crusts? - Rals, he spent 5 years on rations, he doesn't let anything go to waste. Even before that when Richard bailed and Dominique got sick they didn't have a lot of money so every bite of food counted. They get plenty of food now but it's still a hard habit to break if its on a plate in front of him he's not gonna leave it.

Who is more likely to cry over a sad book or movie? - Honestly I think Chuck, like he's this emotionally walled off kid effectively. And he probably didn't get to watch or read a lot of stuff and when he did it will have been engineering books or something. So Raleigh comes along and he had a childhood before the kaiju attacked he was 15 before the world even started ending, he didn't even enlist till he was 17 so like he spent his childhood with films and books. So he picks these films that Chuck missed that he has to see and some of them are sad, like super sad and Chuck has spent so long bottling in any emotion that wasn't anger or smugness and Raleigh makes him feel safe so these films the sort of shock the tears out of him. And at first he's embarrassed but Raleigh is always there always comforting and honestly sometimes it's more beneficial than their mandatory therapy sessions as he feels so much safer crying about a film with Raleigh and just being normal.

Who talks smack while playing video games? - Both of them. Are you kidding me? Raleigh is a middle child like, he probably grew up with a wii, bet you he tried to beat Yancy to death with a wii remote once for blue shelling him (they hurt, my brother broke my finger with one). So like Raleigh was raised on smack talk and video games, but Chuck who no doubt missed out on a lot especially like COD or stuff, is a competitive and contrary little shit. No way is he taking anything lying down, bet you he starts teabagging Rals the first time he kills him even though he has no clue what it is or that it has a name. Also bet you they've fallen out/actually had a physical fight over Mario Party just saying.

Who sings along with the radio? - Raleigh probably, like again he was old enough when the war started. So most songs that come on the radio he will know and he'll take great delight in pissing Chuck off by singing at the top of his voice and out of tune (he can sing in tune, fairly well tbh, but were is the fun in that). Chuck surprises him though, like ok he doesn't know any of the modern stuff but he knows like everything 80's and some vague 90s stuff and Raleigh is kinda shooketh, and the kid is adorable when he knows a song on the radio and he just can't help himself singing along, (Raleigh won't say it outloud but he's not a great singer, but he loves Chuck's voice so he couldn't give a shit) also and Chuck would kill Raleigh if anyone else ever found out but Chuck knows musicals. Like he doesn't know movies but Angela loved musicals and Chuck has a playlist - he listens to it in the shower.

Who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking? - Chuck. Raleigh had a sick mother, who lets be real he would have had to cook for as Yancy must have been working to bring some money in other than any benefits or sick pay or whatever. So Raleigh is like a super competent cook, maybe he hasn't done it in a while but it's ingrained into him. Chuck on the other hand he hasn't lived anywhere but military bases and shatterdomes since he was 12. Food just kinda appears, like he tips up to the mess hall and there it is. So the first few times it will go as expected the food isn't great, but it's edible like Chuck is too much of a perfectionist to fuck up that badly. But then he'll get a little confident a little bit cocky and will try and do two things at once and before you know it he's put a towel on a burner ring and all the sprinklers go off.

Who would throw the other into a pool? - Raleigh? Again he's a younger sibling, I feel things like that come from either having a sibling or high school shenanigans and seeing as Chuck has experienced neither he just wouldn't consider it. But Raleigh decides it would be fucking hilarious to grab Chuck off the stretcher he's been reading on by the pool bridal style and it takes Chuck a second to react first by dropping his book followed by an "Oi, Ray, fuck do you think you're doing" and before you know it the kid has been dropped in the deep end. Queue all out war, Raleigh still has a tan line in the shape of a dick on his back.

Who shops for groceries? - Raleigh, Chuck comes along and just throws garbage in the cart like he'll 100% see how many snacks he can sneak in there before they get to the check out. If Raleigh sent him alone they would have exactly nothing with any nutritional value.

Who kills the spiders? - Max, Raleigh is scared of them like not to the point where he'd die if stuck in a room with one, but he isn't getting close enough to the fucker to kill it. And Chuck well Chuck is deathly afraid, like would happily just burn the house to the ground and leave kind of afraid. He trained Max to eat spiders, because if there's even one in the room with him he can't sleep, can't focus on anything but where the thing is. Like he's slept in the mess hall a few times to avoid a spider.

Who is the morning/night person? - Raleigh is a golden retriever personified, he's all baby Anna from Frozen "The sky's away so I'm awake", so like it will be 6am and he'll be raring to go and he's not exactly quiet or tactful when he wakes up, and Chuck will be jostled awake and every morning without fail Chuck will have to debate whether he punches Raleigh hard enough in the throat that he passes out. Chuck has learned however that Raleigh will sleep in later if he's well and truly fucked the night before so that's usually his tactic, alternatively if Chuck can wake up long enough to give Raleigh a good blow job he tends to go straight back to sleep, so yeah Chuck is certainly not a morning person and has learnt to use sex or violence as a way to get more sleep.

Who proposes? - Honestly I think it would probably be Chuck, like Raleigh probably wouldn't even consider it. He loves Chuck like with his whole being, but Raleigh's experience of marriage is a father who had a whole other family and bailed on his mom so he's not exactly the sort of person who would consider it the ultimate declaration of love. But Chuck his happy memories were from when his mum and dad were together and it was the three of them and Herc still loves Angela so of course Chuck would see it as a way to show Rals he loves him and Raleigh would be so shocked and awed that Chuck would want to saddle himself with his has been ass and of course Raleigh says yes.

Who forgot to put the cat dog outside before sex? - I mean Raleigh probably as Chuck has experienced that awful feeling of eyes on him during sex only to turn and see Max staring woefully at him from across the room probably way more times than he wants to admit but Raleigh. Raleigh has probably never had a pet and has never had to worry about being watched by anything other than another human which they tend to remove themselves from the situation fairly quickly when they've grasped what's about to happen. So yeah Raleigh would forget and they'd be happily cracking on as it were and Max instead of just watching in that creepy unblinking way that pets tend to have he'd come up and actually lick any part of either body he could reach standing on his hind legs and Raleigh would actually fucking squeak and Chuck would be laughing to hard to focus on much of anything else for a good while. So they don't forget anymore.

Who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit? Chuck? Like I can see Raleigh doing more embarrassing shit, like tripping over constantly or just being a fucking dork and Chuck just films it. But Raleigh is 100% the more likely one that if Chuck did trip over or he caught him singing Les Mis or something to post it somewhere. He’s also the one that’s gonna get a bo staff to the head for the trouble but he’d probably only regret it when he’s lying in bed with the lights off because he has a minor concussion and the light makes his head want to explode but at least Chuck is stroking his hair and hasn’t turned them back on so that probably counts as a win.

Who breaks the most phones? Raleigh probably. I see him as being the clumsy one but if Chuck is mad he’s so gonna launch phones at things like walls or people. But I think Chuck accepts that failing and would have a proper case on his phone, Raleigh on the other hand is always adamant that he won’t drop this one cue two weeks later having to admit to Chuck that the screen is in a million pieces and the battery might be leaking as he dropped it off one of the engineering decks.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't? Neither? Like Raleigh isn’t that sort of cocky, he would never think he’s good at something that he isn’t - he knows what he excels at and is perfectly accepting of what he can’t do. And Chuck honestly I think he’s pretty good at a lot of things and he’s far too proud to do something that he’s bad at and wouldn’t be willing to make a fool of himself in front of others. So I think they both know what they can and can’t do

Who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed? Rals 100%. Like he’s an eternal sunshine child, he goes from 0-60 in the blink of an eye and Chuck is not into the whole being awake before a reasonable hour unless a goddamn kaiju is here and about to fuck shit up. So I don’t doubt that if Raleigh is being either too noisy or too handsy before Chuck is either willing to wake up or willing to have morning sex before having a nap then I can bet Raleigh has either been pushed/kicked out of bed forcefully onto the floor, punched somewhere usually the throat or his balls or Chuck has actively tried to smother him either with a pillow or just his own body. That and I’d put money on Raleigh taking great delight in coming back early from being outside maybe just taking max for a wee and putting his cold hands/feet against Chuck’s skin, and Chuck has just removed him not just from the bed but the entire room and left him out in the corridor until he’s ready to get up.

#chaleigh #headcannon #headcanon #raleigh becket #chuck hansen #long post

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kentuckywrites · 6 years

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Santago and the Not Red Nosed Mediator

Santago gets another assistant in his Christmas shenanigans in the form of a friendly Mediator ( @anryl ).

The bedside clock read 12:03. Sydney blinked a few times as he stared at it, wondering how on Mira he’d slept so late. He forced himself to sit up, running his fingers through his long, unkempt hair. After a loud yawn, he looked over his shoulder towards the other half of the king-sized bed. The covers were pushed back; he was the only one left. Sydney raised an eyebrow, but the question of where his partner was didn’t linger for too long. He simply grabbed his glasses, hopped out of bed, and headed downstairs to make himself breakfast.

Or at least, that was the plan before he saw the mess.

Every device was on: the TV, blaring news about the weather for the next few days, the coffee brewer, whirring to life next to an array of empty coffee mugs, the lights, brightening up the carnage spread throughout the room. Sydney had to stop halfway down the stairs as he almost tripped over said carnage. It was a thin strip of paper, stretching out down the stairs and over the railings and thrown over every piece of furniture. He could just make out Pongo’s scribbly handwriting on the paper.

After stepping carefully over a few tangled strips, Sydney finally spotted Pongo, hunched over the island counter and staring down at the end of the paper - or, was it the beginning? - all while sipping from a dark blue mug. He wasn’t wearing a top, but Sydney saw Pongo’s usual vest and underarmour on the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

“...Pongo? What the fuck are you doing?” Sydney decided to ask.

Pongo’s eyes shot upwards and he jumped back, almost spilling the contents of his mug. “SHIT - I MEAN FUCK - NO GODS DAMN IT -”

Sydney couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m more of an awful influence than I thought, huh?”

Pongo regained his composure, standing straighter as he grasped both the mug and the paper a little tighter. “Do not say that! You are the light of my existence! - well, I mean, the sun also helps keep us all alive too but you get what I mean!!”

“Heh...same to you. Don’t know where I’d be without you.” Sydney looked away, biting the lip between his piercings. “But ah, it’s too early to be sappy. What’s up with the paper everywhere?”

Pongo paused.

“It is a list.”

His words sounded forced. Sydney could understand at this point that Pongo was being honest, though the subject was something he didn’t want to be entirely honest about. He danced around and over the paper on the ground in an effort to reach Pongo, who watched with an amused expression.

“Well, if there’s anything you need help with regarding said list, let me know,” Sydney made the last few steps over to Pongo, who purposefully angled his wrists so that Sydney couldn’t see the list’s contents.

Pongo grinned softly. Sydney blinked once, and something soft pecked his cheek, a familiar warm sensation that sent chills up his spine. Pongo returned to looking over the list.

“I will actually need one thing from you, if that is okay,” He told him.

“Sure. Name it, I’ll do anything.”

“...I want you to um...I want you to be home for Christmas.”

Sydney tilted his head at first, but then his curiosity shifted to understanding. “Oh. Of course, fuck, I’ll be home, I promise.”

Pongo gripped the list tighter. “F-Fantastic! We can spend it together! Christmas, I mean! Yes! It will be tons of fun!” He began to collect the list into his hands, though he only managed to grab so much of it before realizing just how long it was, just how much of the room it spanned across. “Now, ah, I would love to stay but I have a lot of errands to run - Eros needs a tuneup before tonight so I ca - SO I CAN PERFORM IMPORTANT MISSIONS BECAUSE BLADES DO NOT REST ON CHRISTMAS EVE -”

Sydney slipped his hand over to Pongo’s left hip. That got the Interceptor to shut up very quickly.

“Then don’t let me keep you,” He winked, “I’ll be home when you’re done with it all.”

Pongo let out a small, shaky exhale. “Right. Sorry, there is just a lot to do tonight. I promise I will be back - though, ah, it might be very late tonight.”

Sydney nodded once, and Pongo pulled away from his grasp, bending down to pick up some more parts of the paper. Without asking for permission Sydney went around the table to help pick some up, and in the next ten minutes they’d compiled all of the paper into Pongo’s large and loving arms. He had to put it down onto the couch to quickly throw on his under armour and vest, but he managed to pick it all up again on the first try.

“Okay! Have a wonderful day, Sydney!” Pongo called out as he somehow opened the door on his own to leave. As soon as the door closed behind him Sydney smirked, taking a brief look around and placing a thoughtful hand to his chin.

“Now, what to do while he’s gone…”

Danny knew about Christmas. Meep had told him wonderful stories about the holiday, and they even got to read some of the history behind it, since the information was recovered from one of the Lifehold databases. He understood why the commercial district was covered in garlands and why the windows he walked past sported figurines of Santa and his sleigh and reindeer. It was a great tradition, he thought, and he beamed thinking about how Santa would visit them all again this year to deliver gifts.

Though he couldn’t help but think about it. How exactly did one man deliver gifts to an entire planet? And how had he gotten aboard the White Whale? Danny’s focus shifted, his mind wandering as he tried to process the different answers for his questions. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t comprehend the figure sprinting towards him at full speed, unable to dodge away thanks to a large collection of paper in his arms.

“gAH -”

The collision was quick and strong, knocking Danny to the ground with a thud. He managed to keep his head from hitting the sidewalk too hard, but he couldn’t say the same about his rear, which now stung like the toxins from a madness hornet. With a small groan he sat himself back up and assessed the damage on the other figure’s end. The papers - wait, paper, it was all one long sheet - was scattered all over the other person’s body, though as they sat up Danny could pinpoint a key feature that helped identify them: pupiless indigo eyes.

“P-Pongo?” Danny stuttered, “Are you okay?!”

Pongo shook his head, and at first Danny panicked, thinking that was his response. But eventually Pongo started to laugh.

“I am alright, are you? I am really super sorry about running into you, I am in an awful rush and I cannot really see past -”

“The paper,” Danny guessed, reaching down to sweep up some of it in his hands. In doing so he noticed words written on it, childish calligraphy marked in black pen. He thought nothing of it until he saw names. And next to those names, objects.

Scarlen: Geographical History of Planet Earth

Draco: History of France

Sunel: heelies

Blue: robo kitty plushie

Shintaro: worm on a string

Danny’s eyebrow perked up. “Hey, Pongo, what exactly is this?”

Pongo froze.

“A...a list.”

Danny didn’t need any other clues after that.

“Wait, are you...ARE YOU SANTA?!”

Pongo’s hands went up defensively. “W-Wait, shoosh! Please, not so loud!”

“Oh, ah, sorry. But...are you -”

“Y-Yes?...Well, I was never on Earth because...you know.” Pongo gave a small shrug. “But for the entire time that New Los Angeles has existed, I have been acting as Sandy Claws.”

“...Santa Claus.”

“Sappy Cause, yes,” Pongo nodded feverously. “I think this is the third year I have done this. The new influx of xenoforms in NLA has made the list much longer than last year, but it is nothing I cannot handle!”

Danny chuckled. He stood up with some of the list in his hands, and Pongo was quick to follow, taking some more of the list in his arms. He caught a group of people giving them weird stares from behind Pongo, but he didn’t let his attention linger for long.

“So you’ve been delivering presents year after year all by yourself?” Danny asked, “That sounds like a lot of work for just one person, I’m really impressed!”

Pongo buried his face into the paper in an effort to hide his rising blush. Whether it was from embarrassment or nerves, Danny wasn’t sure. “Well I mean, ah, I had a lot of help from my bestest friend L’Cirufe, though I am the one who buys all the gifts and ends up delivering them.”

“Doesn’t that kill your credits account?”

“You would be surprised, especially considering how much Commander Vandham is willing to pay for a nice tank top.”

Pongo shifted his stance. “Well, in any case, I need to get going. My Skell needs to get checked in for a tuneup and if I stay any longer I will be late for the appointment!”

The paper made more crumpling sounds, disguised under the bustle of commuters and BLADEs going about their day. Danny scratched the back of his neck, giving Pongo a small grin. When the idea struck him, his jaw went slack and he jumped up once. “Wait, Pongo, do you think I could help you? With delivering presents this year, I mean. I could pay for the stuff you’re buying too if you need.”

Pongo stared at him, pensive. Danny may not have known the exact thoughts running through the Interceptor’s brain, but he could see them running through his indigo eyes. Inside them danced little lights, shooting stars of inspiration, sparks that didn’t die even when Pongo spoke again.

“You could be Randolph.”

Danny squinted at him. “D-Do you mean Rudolph? And how would I be a red nosed reindeer?”

“I mean, you could get a costume like L’Cirufe and I do,” Pongo suggested, “Wait, did I mention L’Cirufe helps me every year? He is an elf, so that is why I picked Rudolph for you, since I am Santa, unless you want to be Mrs. Santa Claus?”

“I’ll take Rudolph,” Danny giggled, “Parts aside, where should I meet you to help out?”

“Oh! Ah, after Eros is tuned up and after I go on the spending spree, L’Cirufe and I usually go to the top of BLADE Tower to sort through all the gifts and make sure we have everything. We used to meet in my barracks, but then there were too many gifts to fit in there!”

Danny caught Pongo’s feet tapping up and down, remembering what it was Pongo was trying to do. “Okay, I won’t keep you much longer, but I really want to help. Maybe cut the list and let me buy some of the things on it, and I’ll bring them up tonight!”

“Okie dokie!” Pongo nodded, scrambling through the extensive list to find a spot to cut. He eventually reached a point where the end was in sight and tore it as carefully as he could. Danny opened his mouth to argue - he’d ripped it so that Danny would only get less than a fourth of the list!! - but the deed had been done. Pongo thrust the smaller sheet into Danny’s hands.

“Right, get those, if you could wrap them before tonight that would be amazing, and remember, top of BLADE Tower, nine P.M. sharp!” Pongo chirped, and before Danny could reply Pongo was bounding past him, a skip in his step. Danny watched him go, laughing as he promised to be there. Once Pongo was out of sight Danny looked down at the portion of the list he’d been given, recognizing some more names.

Touya: hot chocolate and kitty mug

Christie: Ovis pillow

Mina: Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

Pandora: rose gold earring/necklace set from Delair’s

Athena: A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

Jenkai: even BIGGER Ovis pillow

Danny blinked a few times. Those weren’t the only ones on the list, of course, but they were just a few of the names he recognized. And he couldn’t help but gape at what was written for Pandora - how was Pongo going to afford that?! Well, it was Danny’s problem now, and he was intent on getting started. With a deep breath and a puff of the chest, he set out, determined to get everything Pongo needed for the night.

He wondered along the way if Pongo had gotten himself anything. The answer came quickly. Danny made a mental addition to the list.

To his surprise, buying all the gifts cost Danny less than five thousand credits. Pandora’s earring and necklace set contributed to seven hundred and fifty of those credits, but it was still less than he expected, and he even found time to buy wrapping paper and bags to wrap them all in. It didn’t make them any easier to carry, so Danny even put some credits into buying a larger bag for them all. He patiently stood in BLADE Tower’s elevator with the sack now, thankful that no one else was in the elevator with him. He wouldn’t have been able to explain everything without ruining the magic.

The elevator came to a stop at the top level of the tower and the doors slid open without a noise. Danny walked out and ascended the small flight of stairs that would lead him to the roof. At the top was another door, and one shove later he’d made it to the roof. He laid eyes on Pongo almost immediately, who stood next to a lit up Lailah Queen Skell with the list still in hand. However, instead of his usual Interceptor garb, he now donned a red and white fluffy coat with a black belt around the waist. His black hair was covered partly by a Santa hat, though Danny noticed the puffball on its end was heart shaped. Pongo was joined by L, who was pacing back and forth next to the Skell and donning a rather revealing elf costume. It didn’t have sleeves and had no pants, showcasing his strong thighs and calves. Danny rolled his eyes.

Pongo gave Danny a wide grin and rushed over to meet him at the door. Danny didn’t notice the pair of reindeer antlers in his hand until Pongo had put them on his head. As he adjusted them with one hand, Pongo rattled excitedly. “Danniel, you made it!! I got you antlers because you are our Rudolph now - though Rudolph had a red nose according to the stories, but you are still close enough! Oh, I hope it was not too much trouble getting all the gifts, I can take that bag if it has all the gifts in them, see, I have a much bigger bag attached to Eros with all the gifts in them, wait, were you able to wrap them -”

“I did!”

“Thank goodness! Thank you so so much Danniel you have no idea how much this means to me -”

L stepped forward, laughing and adjusting his pointy elf hat. “We suggest you inhale the atmospheric contents, Pongo! There is still time before the deliveries must be made!”

Pongo heeded his advice and stopped to take a deep breath. Once he had regained his composure, he told Danny, “My apologies, I get nervous about this. I want everything to go right, you know?”

Danny nodded. “I get it. Now, is there anything else I could do to help?”

There was a long silence and Pongo put a finger to his chin. Something about his costume made him look younger, more innocent. How was the sky so dark now, yet his eyes so bright? He got too focused on them, and in the seconds after the silence had started, it was broken.

“Just help me check through the presents one last time, I would say. The delivering stuff is all on me, so once I am on my way, you could get back home and get some rest. Who knows, you might even find a gift at your front door when you wake tomorrow morning!”

At that, Danny’s face fell. Over Pongo’s shoulder, L gave Danny a reassuring wink. “No worries, our mediating companion! Pongo has accomplished the deliveries for two years straight - wait, we request a stop in the current conversation, what is the sexual identity of time?”

Pongo’s eyes widened. “...Is time...gay?...No, I have no idea, I do not think it applies to any conversation here. Danniel, I require the sack of gifts, then we can run through everything one more time before I depart.”

“Right! Let’s do this!’ Danny cheered.

Together the four collected all the presents together and ran through the list one more time, making sure every name had a gift. Danny’s head perked up when Pongo called Meep’s name, and L held up a small box from the large sack on Eros’s back.

“What did you get Meep?” Danny asked.

“Oh! Something called a friendship rock,” Pongo explained, “See, it is like a normal rock, but it is the symbol of friendship.”

Danny had a feeling Meep would be happy to receive that.

The list reached its end sooner than he realized, and no name went without a gift. Although, once the end had been reached and the two natives of Mira were about to pack everything back up, Danny realized there were some names missing from the list. Notably: “Pongo, L, why weren’t you on the list?”

L’s answer came quick. “It is simple: we do not celebrate the Chris Tee Mas. But we are one of Pongo’s greatest friends, and assisting him in his hollandaise efforts brings me great joy - enough to be considered a gift all in its own.”

A hint of blush made its way across Pongo’s cheeks and nose. “Aw, L’Cirufe...ah, I am not on the list because of a similar reason. Delivering gifts and making people happy is a gift to me.”

Danny shifted his hands behind his back, carefully trying to put his hand in his back pocket. Looks like I was right, he thought as he slowly took out a small box, he deserves a gift...even if it’s not much.

As Pongo was about to turn away, Danny reached out with his empty hand and caught Pongo’s forearm. “Before you go, ah...I wanted to give you something.”

Pongo turned back to look at him, lips pursed open. “Danniel, you did not have to -”

“For all the smiles you’re about to put on peoples’ faces, yes, I had to.”

Danny held out the box, no larger than his palm, a small pastel blue satin cloth fitted around its edges. Pongo hesitated before taking it, observing it quietly. After a moment, he opened it and peered inside. Danny explained, “See, ah, the jewelry set Pandora wanted - that you had written down for her - didn’t say anything about rings, but there were two rings with the only rose gold set they had left so I thought maybe you’d like them?”

“They are really pretty, Danniel…” Pongo breathed. Danny had to squint to see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “Th-Thank you…”

L looked over Pongo’s shoulder, gasping at the rings in the box. “Oh! Are you assisting in Pongo’s proposal plans, Danniel?”

Danny took a step back as Pongo jumped in surprise. “WH-WHAT?! D-DANNIEL HAS NO IDEA ABOUT THAT - OH G-GODS UM, I SHOULD GO AND DELIVER PRESENTS NOW, SEE YOU GUYS LATER!!”

And off he ran towards Eros, making sure to close the box and put it in one of the coat’s pockets before climbing up to the cockpit. With the sack secured, all that was left to do was turn Eros on and take flight. As Eros ascended into the night sky, L and Danny waved him goodbye. The Skell trailed like a comet in the sky, leaving behind wisps of pink and purple in its wake. Danny wondered then how many people would make a wish on the nonexistent shooting star. He closed his eyes. Maybe just this once, he’d make a wish.

I wish everyone has a great Christmas.

He opened his eyes again, and the waiting game began.

L offered to stay with him for the night, but Danny was persistent. He didn’t think he would fall asleep that night; it was too enchanting to watch the star fly around and deliver presents. Danny told L he would be okay on his own, and L left close to midnight. He found a small wall to lean against and allowed himself time to relax. When was the last time he’d had this? He told himself to do this more often - maybe not here, maybe not like this, but somewhere, and maybe with some art supplies.

Danny almost didn’t catch the first hints of the sunrise. How had time flown by so fast?! He sat himself up, hearing his spine crack as he yawned and stretched upwards. As if on cue, the roar of a Skell’s engine grew louder, louder, and Eros appeared on the horizon, approaching BLADE Tower. Danny waved towards it, and the Skell eventually came to park on the roof. The engines were killed, and the cockpit slid open. Santa Claus - Mira’s very own Santa Claus - hopped out, greeting Danny with a gentle smile.

“Danniel,” Pongo said, pulling the hat off and tossing it back up into Eros’s cockpit. “Why did you wait here for me? You could have gone home and gotten some rest, you know.”

“I figured Rudolph sees Santa’s adventure to the end,” Danny admitted, “Plus, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Pongo joined him sitting next to the wall, sighing as he let himself lean against it. “I am fine, Danniel, I -” He couldn’t stop himself from yawning, unable to finish his sentence.

Danny took a long, hard look at him. Pongo stared out at the open expanse of sunrise, the light catching his eyes but doing nothing to brighten them now. If anything, they looked dull - not lifeless, but tired.

“You should get some sleep,” Danny began, but Pongo cut him off.

“No. I do not sleep.”

“Why not?”

Pongo paused.

“...Nightmares. Every time I close my eyes they haunt me. They feel so real and no matter what I do I cannot control them.”

Danny became aware of the distance between them. There was a mere inch between Pongo’s gloved hand and his own, and with one decision there was no room at all. Pongo’s head tilted, incapable of showing any extreme forms of surprise.

“Danniel?”

Danny grinned. “People have come to me with that problem before. Sure, medications work, but I think what you need is some reassurance.” He used his right hand to pat his left shoulder. “Try napping on my shoulder. I’ll be like your human safety blanket.”

It didn’t take long for Danny’s grin to reach Pongo. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Slowly, surely, Pongo scootched over closer to Danny and laid his head to rest on his shoulder. With the distance closed, Danny could smell Pongo’s hair, soft touches of vanilla on the breeze. Its length posed a short lived challenge, for Danny was able to push some loose strands away before it could make his nose itch. He even let his cheek rest on Pongo’s head, closing his eyes for a brief moment before letting the cool air embrace them.

“Try to get some sleep now, okay?” Danny whispered.

Pongo didn’t respond. Danny couldn’t see whether his eyes had closed or not, but he could just make out the slow rise and fall of Pongo’s chest, an indication of sleep. He wasn’t concerned, and instead took a moment to admire the reds and oranges of the sunrise. Everyone would be waking up to presents at their doors, radiance that could rival the dawn. It made Danny feel warm inside, accomplished. Ready to take on another day.

He spoke to the city, to all its inhabitants, and he spoke to the planet, their home amongst the stars.

“Merry Christmas, everyone.”

#xenoblade x #Santago and the Not Red Nosed Mediator: Short Story #Danniel #L #Sydney #did I top last year's fic? I'm not sure #I still think this is adorable #and I hope I got Danny right because I'm rusty with writing him #also FUCK THAT LITTLE PLOT TWIST IN THERE #YOU KNOW THE ONE

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little-bookshelf-dragon · 6 years

Text

February Wrap Up (Finally)

Okay! So I’m finally getting to this...five days late. Oops. Just to clear that up, I started a reading journal towards the end of February and wanted to do entries for the month of February before making this post. I’m hoping that this will help me organize my thoughts for my reviews. So I can actually... post reviews.

Anyway. Here we go! I’m going to begin with my overall thoughts and then go into my stats and put reviews under the cut so if you haven’t read these books and want to avoid spoilers you can!

Overall thoughts on this month’s reading:

I DNF’d one-third of my TBR this month (two of six. I say one third like it’s so many more than that). It’s a little funny that I had so much more success with the books I hadn’t actually planned to read than my TBR. I’m also kind of surprised that I made it through some of the books that I did, when I DNF’d other books for similar reasons. I did go into this month knowing that this was going to be a difficult bunch of books to get through,

I think I’m going to have to adjust my Goodreads reading challenge. I’ve already more than halfway through it and its only February. I'm honestly surprised. I didn’t think I was going to make it through the 52 I had planned.

Stats for this month:

Total Books Read (Finished): 18

DNF’d Books: 2

Books I need to Finish: 4

All-Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Saundra Mitchell, et al.

City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson

Academic Books: 3

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by Willaim Shakespeare

Young Goodman Brown by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

Ratings:

Five Stars: 5

Four Stars: 7

Three Stars: 4

Two Stars: 2

One Star: 0

Spoilery Reviews Under the Cut!

DNF’d Books:

Frozen by Melissa De LaCruz and Micheal Johnston

It was a weird book. In general. And then the Scene that implied sexual assault happened, and I had to stop reading. I just couldn’t bring myself to finish it.

Ender’s Game By Orson Scott Card

I was having trouble getting into the book in the first place, and then I realized that these were six year old kids. Being trained for war. Against aliens. As I have a sister who’s six, this didn’t sit well with me.

Two Star Books:

Echo by Alyson Noel

I was really dissappointed in this book. I really enjoyed the first book in the Soul Seekers book, Fated. I liked the worldbuilding, the relationship between Daire and Dace, the concept of the Echo. But I had too many complaints about this book. Mainly with Cade. I feel like I could have liked him more if he had some actual development and clearer motivations. Though, I think the attempted rape scene was a little much (that’s an understatement.) I think it would be nice if there were a YA book where the female MC wasn’t assaulted, or at least that addresses it properly afterward.

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

I’m honestly surprised that I finished this one, after I DNF’d another book for similar things happening. I didn't like Feyre much. She didn't seem to have much moe to her character other than painting and hunting. For someone who was meant to be so strong willed, she seemed to change her mind too easily. Rhysand...I don’t know where it start with him. He’s not much of one here, but it’s pretty obvious that they’re setting him up as a love interst in the later books. Can we stop having abusive boyfriends in YA lit? Tamlin was a little pathetic. Maybe don’t alienate the one person that’s your shot at freedom? Maybe? Feyre and Tamilin’s relationship was cute, but it wasn't really all that convincing.

Three Star Books:

The Maze Runner by James Dashner

The Maze runner was good. I’m not sure if it was good enough to deserve the hype it received. I did not like that there was so much that was left unanswered in the beginning. It’s one thing to withhold information to create interest. It’s another to taunt your readers by having a character ask the questions, and the others refusing to give an answer. I did think the ending was an interesting twist, to stage a ‘rescue’ and then have it turn out to be apart of the trials.

Love Drugged by James Klise

There’s...a lot to unpack with this one. At first, the general premise made me feel a little sick. I almost stopped reading it several times thoughtout the book, especially when the chaacters described being gay as a disease. But by the time I finished, I think I understood better. Jamie was being mainipulated, not just by the doctor, but by society to think that way. His journey to discover and understand himself leads to his desperate actions in an effort to escape that manipulation. It’s heartbreaking to know that Jamie's thoughts were based off of off the author’s when he was around the same age.

Take Two by Julia Devillers & Jennifer Roy

I was kind of disappointed in this book. I loved the first one when I was younger, so the fact that I didn’t feel the same about the sequel is a let down. Though I guess that might have to do with the difference in age between the times I read them

Young Goodman Brown by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Four Star books:

Mockingjay by Suzzane Collins

I cried so much reading this book. Katniss yelling at Buttercup at the end broke me. Her “for Prim” before the execution was beautiful (I’ll admit it took me some time to realize she was hinting at what she was planning to do.) Cinna having a part in the rebellion even after his death. The amount that Haymitch cares about Peeta and Katniss. UGH the feels. I did have a problem with the pacing. I felt like all the action was squeezed in at teh end. And Peeta and Katniss’s relationship seemed to seesaw between them in it’s one-sidedness throughout the series.

Duel Of Fire by Jordan Rivet

I did not expect to enjoy this book as much as I did. Especially at he beginning, I thought the characters were annoying. But that GROWTH. By the end, I loved the characters. I had a hunch about who the rebels were, but I wasn’t sure until they were revealed. I loved the magic system and world building, and I can’t wait to see how the story will be developed in the next book and the rest of the series.

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson

This was my first Brandon Sanderson book and I was not disappointed. The concept was interesting, the Epics having a specific weakness kept them from being overpowered, and I loved the fact that the “Normal people” weere the heroes (For the most part.) I KNEW there was somehing up wiht Megan. But Steelheart’s weakness completely threw me off. I had so many theories, but I was wrong on all of them. That was a plot twist done well.

City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare

(I’m actually not going to include my notes here because they turned into more of a rant at the characters than an actual reveiw)

Galatea by Madaline Miller

I want more of this. Any additional content, I want it. It says something that she felt the only way to escape was to die (And take her husband with her). I REALLY want to know what happened with their daughter.

The Skin I’m In by Sharon G. Flake

This is a reread for me. I read tthis book when I, I believe, was the same age as Maleeka. And at the time, while I had never been in the same situations she’s in, I could still relate to her. Now, as an adult working with students Maleeka’s age, I see my students. It gives me a better insight to what might be going on in their homes, thoughts, and attitudes. This is a book that so many of them should read, just like so many of them could use a Ms. Saunderson.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by Willaim Shakespeare

Five Star books:

Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare

This book. This book. I audiobooked most of it, which meant that I was listening to it in class while working. Which means I cried. During class. This is one of the few love triangles I think I’ve ever really liked and am actually emotionally invested in. I fully understand the hype around this series. I can't wait to pick up the next one.

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo

After finishing the audiobook, I'm sitting here trying to find the words to describe how much this means to me. How many of Xiomara's thoughts and feelings I relate to. And I just can't find the words. I can't remember the last time a book meant this much to me. Wanting to find my own voice. Beginning to question the religion that has been such a big part of my life for a long time. Feeling like I have to hide parts of myself, my thoughts, my feelings, everything I wish I could say but can't, from people I care about. Wanting my own writing to mean something to others. I wish I could put what I'm feeling into words, but I'm struggling. I cried. I need a copy of this book. I loved it so much.

Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen

I feel like Dessen’s books follow a pattern. I’ve only read three so far, but I’m able to see the similarities. However, that dosn't stop them from being unique. Sydney’s problems are different from Macy’s, whose are different from Collie’s. So while the books are similar enought to notice a pattern, they’re unique enough to keep the reader’s interest. I wouldn’t say that Saint Anything has impacted me as much as some books have, but I did still enjoy it. Also, a moment of appreciation for instances of sexual assault handled correctly? It's rare to see the subject addressed in a book after it happens. Though I would have loved to see Ames prosecuted. We need to tell girls it's okay to speak up about these things.

Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

I loved this. I’m not even sue how to put it all inot words. First of all, Saskia getting expelled? Excellent. That girl made me so mad. Messing with Lila’s feelings was bad enough, but hen going stalker, assualting her, and then outing her to the entire school? I think I would have liked to see even more of a punishment, honestly. Maybe someting from her parents. LISA. I loved Lisa. I’m so happy she and Leila ended up together. They both deserved to be happy and I’m so happy they got to be happy together. I was so emotional after finishing this book.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I’m not going to go too in depth because then this would be way too long but this is my favorite book that I’ve had to read for a calss. Ever.

#booklr #book reviews #Wrap Up #February 2019 #2019 posts #moony reviews #read tag

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shaecanilao · 3 years

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Can’t Get Through

Say the words you mean. Mean the words you say.

Saturday, 6 PM

Martine's POV

"Why are you even bringing this up now? I already told you, I don't know yet. It's just annoying how no matter what answer I give you, you just don't believe me!"

We haven't moved na inch from my house and we're already fighting. I love this man, but there are days when I just don't know what's going through his head. This is one of those days. I have no idea how this conversation even turned into a fight.

"Nick, you always say that. 'I don't know yet','Maybe','Let's see', but you've already decided! You keep telling me to be involved more but you're not letting me in. You keep making these decisions without even telling me."

"Well I don't know what to fucking tell you. I. Don't. Know. Don't act like you know everything about me. Maybe if you listen to what I'm actually saying instead of interpreting my words the way you want to, you'll actually do."

"Now I'm the one not listening! Did you even hear what I just said? Whenever I ask you about serious things like this, you either walk away, raise your voice, or change the topic. How am I going to listen if you're not going to say anything! How are we partner if you're not involving me in your life? You want me to change, but you're not willing to do the same."

Nick closes his eyes for a second and shakes his head. "I love you, Martine. With all that I have. The things I do, I do them for us. I'm trying my best here, but I just...can we stop talking about this now? They're all waiting for us and we're here fighting about something so far off the future. Can we talk about this later?" Next month isn't that far off the future though.

It's his dream job overseas. It's starting next month. And even if he doesn't want to admit it, I know he's going to take it.

Friday, 2 PM

Nick's POV

"You're giving her a ring for your monthsary? Dude, if I were your girlfriend, I'm gonna be scared. Three months of dating and you look like you're going to propose to me."

"We've known each other for years. She's not gonna freak out. I just want to surprise her." I don't care about what they say, I'm gonna give her the ring.

"You know, you look different now. But, dude you look like a high school kid having his first girlfriend," my coworker says as he sips his coffee. "Oh, wait..." then, he laughs.

Actually, we both do. It's sort of true.

"Nick, the director's asking for you in her office." Shit.

I knocked on Annie's door, bracing myself of her wrath because when is she not mad, but I saw that she's actually happy? "Annie? You were asking for me?"

"Take a seat, Nick."

"What's up?"

"Do you remember the time I sent over Rachel to the Sydney office for a job in their strategy team?"

"Uh, yeah? That was pretty cool." Pretty cool, my ass. I wanted that job, too! I couldn't stop talking about it for weeks, Martine can practically repeat every word. We weren't even dating yet at the time. But since Rachel and I were schoolmates, meh I let it go. My time will come, I said.

"Well, Rachel's coming back here to the country to get married and the job's open. It's yours if you want it."

"What...mine? You're offering...the Sydney spot...to me?" With that job, Martine and I will be able to get married and settle down in no time! But, shit knows 3 months into dating, we both can't do long distance. Fucking hell. This is hard.

I'm supposed to type in a message for Martine, but instead the hundreds of messages in our friends' group chat stole my attention.

'DRINKS TOM?'

'Yassss, you guys game at 9? Same place?'

'Y'ALL GAME'

'Oh my god. Rachel's getting married?! What the fuck' - Martine

'Yes lol she's moving to the states too'

'What the fuck. Is she preggo'

'Don't think so. Dude we're not 18 anymore. We don't need a baby to get married.'

'LOL GUYS. ANNIE OFFERED THE JOB TO NICK? BRO, CONGRATS.' This guy's also my coworker. News must have spread through the office.

Martine has been calling my phone after that message. I'm still not sure whether this is a good news or not so I have no guts to answer her call.

Here goes nothing. "Hey, babe."

"Hi, love." A few seconds of silence. "About that job."

"Ah, yeah. I don't know about that yet. I mean, yeah I know about it but I don't know if I'm going to take it."

"You should...you should take it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

This is something we're both good at -- avoiding an important conversation.

Saturday, 10 PM

Nick's POV

We arrived at the party pretty late because, well, we kept bickering about the Sydney thing.

"Hey, man! What's up?" Our friends greeted as find our seats with them.

"So Nick, should we be congratulating you already? Are you taking the Sydney spot?" I look over at Martine and she's rolling her eyes downing a glass of gin. I can see her smiling, but I know that smile. And, she tells me she wants me to take it.

"I'm not sure yet, guys. I need to think about it."

"Wow, so mature! It's as if you weren't talking shit about wanting to snatch that job out of Rachel's hands 2 years ago."

As the night progresses and people are starting to get drunk, Martine still isn't talking to me and prefers to talk to the girls.

I'm getting a drink from the bar, when a friend of ours approached me. "Are you guys fighting?"

"Pretty much."

"You two need to talk about your shit."

"You know I try."

"Do you really?"

"I do! But, she doesn't believe me. I tell her one thing, but she assumes that she knows me from head to toe and misinterprets what I want to say."

"What exactly did you tell her? Will you take this job?"

"I don't know. I want to, but I'm afraid we'd drift apart. We're together here and we fight more often than an old married couple as it is."

"Did you tell her that? Why you can't decide?"

"No...but that's not the question. Whatever the reason is, I really haven't decided. But, she assumes that I'm going to so she feels like I'm not including her in my plan."

"Then tell her!"

"She won't believe me even if I did."

"Have you tried yet?"

Three Months Before

Martine's POV

"What? You guys broke up?"

"What did you do this time? She's been my favorite so far!"

"Don't you regret any of the relationships that you've had? The hundreds of them?"

"First of all, it's about 10. That's not a bad number. Second, no I don't regret any of them."

Nick finally showed up in one of our drinking sessions again after a month and announces that he's single again...after about 2 months of dating.

"I just haven't found the right person yet." He looks over at me.

He's asked me out before. I said no. Multiple times. We're friends and it's pretty awkward if we start dating and then break up. I don't want to mess with this group that we've had since high school. Don't get me wrong, I do...kinda...just a little bit feel the same way. I just, I don't have the guts to jump the gun with him.

We're basically opposites. He's outgoing, I'm a homebody. He's all over having these relationships, I'm pretty much a prude. He's a career chaser, I'm very much chill.

"OR! Maybe you've found her, but you were just rejected?"

"OHHHH SHIT!" The groups laughs. Yes, everyone pretty much knows.

I lined up to the washroom and Nick followed.

"Hey," he said.

"Heyy," in a much drunker tone. God, I AM drunk.

"You okay?"

"Yep, 'kay 'kay."

"Martine."

"Yeah?"

"You know if there's something I might regret."

"What."

"Not being with you."

We're laughing together, about something - something I'm not even sure what about.

Next thing I knew, his lips were on mine.

Sunday, 5 AM

After the party's died down and they're back in their car to go home, they both know that they either talk about it or not sleep that night.

"Take the job, Nick."

Nick looks over at Martine and he doesn't understand why that statement pinched him. "Do you mean that?"

"I don't know."

There was a long pause.

"You know I love you, right?" Martine asked.

"Hmm," he answered.

He looks over to her. "I want to take the job."

"I knew you did."

"See that's the thing. Martine, I didn't. I was thinking twice about it because I was scared of what might happen to us, but instead of listening to me, you just went ahead and assumed that I will. What if I didn't want to take it? Yes, fucking dream job and all, but that's not my whole life. There's you and I value you, too."

"I saw you."

"Saw what?"

"You were searching for Sydney apartments already."

"I was just looking!"

"But half of you knows you're going to take it. That's your problem, Nick. You never tell me anything. You say what you think I want to hear when I only want to know what you really think. You're wondering why I keep asking. Of course I don't want you to go! I want you to stay here. But, I won't stop you if you choose to because I love you and I believe in you. You say you value me, but you never let me in. I still have no idea what runs through that head of yours. I can't love you if I don't even understand you."

There was another long silence.

"Maybe..." "Maybe." They said at the same time.

"Go ahead." He says.

"Maybe we should go back to being just friends."

He held his breath and stared at the wheel. "Maybe..." Although intending to say the exact opposite, "I should go."

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decoding1432 · 7 years

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Parents & Friends

Some stans have picked sides due to the parent’s behaviour on SM. Just the way some reflect all the hate collected from other stans onto the girls, it’s the same deal when it comes to their parents. Due to the fact that certain people can’t stand them, they decide to whether unstan or throw shit at the girls for it.

If you don’t think all these subtle shade going on is done with a purpose, try to give it a second thought.

The thing with this whole “shading” is that we've got two viewpoints:

From Camila’s side we saw how her parents stopped acknowledging the group & this happened since the fighting days. Now, let's put ourselves in the Cabellos’ shoes for a moment:

Imagine one day your daughter & her bandmates are played such a dirty trick & they cut communication. (Yes, I still believe this is how all went down). Anyway back to our scenario, now thanks to this they are not on speaking terms anymore. Your daughter releases her first solo project. It's important for her. However the people pulling the group strings are setting her in a very dark position. They are painting her in a very negative light in front of her fans.

Around those days, you log into your Twitter account several times & you see one fan turns against her. But as time passes by that one “fan” multiplicates & turns into 10 more haters. Then 50, then 100 & so it goes on & on. The situation worsens. Now, your daughter starts receiving hateful tweets 24/7. Your daughter starts getting sick. Her mental health state is seriously compromised but the people behind her career are doing nothing to help the situation, in fact they are making it more toxic for her. The issue with her bandmates is still not solved. The haters seem unstoppable at this point… Your daughter is mentally exhausted to a point where she describes her anxieties having anxieties.

That continues for a year. Along the way your daughter & her bandmates rekindled their bond. But it’s not all bright again since they must not give that away on camera. Another thing to add is that her bandmates are told not to defend her on SM to make the haters cease. Tell me are you happy with the brand & the poisonous environment they created around your daughter? The answer is obvious.

Let’s take a look at 5H’s angle. The way I see it, you’re a 40-50 year old & you spend your days bashing a 20 year old through Twitter... immaturity at its finest, right?

The tricky aspect here is that the parents’ wishes contradict their actions.

E.g. The parents want hatred to stop. Some like Mama Dre have expressed it & also it’s not even necessary to have this captured on a tweet to understand. Anyhow, they want the hate to cease but they encourage haters with their comments? Logic 2+2= potato

Now, personally the moment Mike started being shady that seemed fishy af to me. We’re talking about the same person that liked C’s departure letter (apparently he unliked it a little after, not really sure). Anyway, even if he didn’t, he was always all about the five girls & one of the non-problematic ones before the mess started unraveling. It makes sense that they started using him, not only to cut all ties with Camren but to influence the stans more strongly as well.

I asked lawyerlarry if this has happened with their boys, using their relatives to mold or push the narrative. This was her answer:

Since we don’t know what type of contract the girls are under we can’t know for sure if the parents are completely obligated. However one thing is for sure, clearly as a parent you’re going to want the best for your kid.

I’m bringing back some points I’ve written about this same subject in a past masterpost…

TV anon: “The thing about the parents is that THEY ARE PARENTS so they are gonna be protective and going to support their child 100%. Now, the moment the girls became legal, the parents are off negotiations or meetings so the only thing they know is what their daughters told them (and we don’t know how restrictive the contract is or even if the girls go and spill full deets to their parents) and you are right, their behavior is very contradictory, even from parents of the same child. Example, Lauren’s parents. Her dad it’s super supportive of the 5 of them and her mom is really over the top, to be honest lol. I have seen them throwing shade and then talking about supporting the 5 of them so maybe the shade is for the label. Or at some point it was for Camila but then they got informed and realized the situation, who knows. Let’s not forget, they don’t belong to the industry so they don’t know how to handle situations like these. Such as their children, they are too emotional. The parents and friends subject is tricky, cause who knows how much they know/or don’t know.”

Every single time I get worried I might be overthinking I return to the question told above: If they know they are only worsening their situation & attracting more toxicity toward their daughters why would they continue with this childish behaviour? Also the girls are not stupid, cause even if these were truly their parents’ actions don’t doubt they wouldn’t stop them.

Once more, this applies to their parents. When it comes to other relatives like Leilani, we're completely unaware of how close she's or not with Dinah, let alone the rest of the girls. She could be throwing shade in order to help them or simply she’s an attention seeker. For all we know a) she could have been told an alternate story along the way b) she is acquainted with only a very small part of the truth c) nothing at all & she knows just as much as we do.

When it comes to friends, let alone not their closest friends, we can coincide that they surely don’t know the story from head to toe but since they’re familiar with the girls at a certain extent they claim to for the sake of rts & attention. Dealing with the parents topic is ambiguous. “I think the parents ought to know everything, don’t fool yourself, why would the girls keep things from them?” Believe it or not, there’s always possibility. Here I consider a list of reasons why it COULD be true:

TV anon couldn’t have said it better…

When the girls became legal, procedures & regulations on the entertainment business gave a 180 degrees turn.

Non-disclosure agreements are a common thing in the industry.

Thus far none of the girls has shaded each other. Although, other people have accomplished a fraction of this “dirty work” for them. Such as friends, crew team members, & their parents. What I’ve caught on this culmination of “bitterness” is that it’s quite contradictory. To elaborate: Lucy shaded Camila around two or three weeks later by liking one IG post that was referring to C as “Canola”. What I found funny is how less than a month before, Lucy literally appeared on Dinah’s livestream hanging with her & Camila at their bus.

When I wrote that, the BB 5H issue hadn’t come out yet. Also these past few days, Lucy has publicly shown her support for Camila on SM. Also let’s add, she isn’t the only connection from Lauren that’s been doing this lately...

Now, some of LAND’s friends have publicly supported C. To me, it hints at the bigger picture that the ladies are in good terms. Some of you might disagree, maybe you consider they’re not friends any longer. Fine that’s your POV, but I don’t share that perspective. Not because I refuse to let go OT5 or anything remotely similar, but like I’ve said numerous times before, the fact that the girls knew about C leaving since 2015 & all the moments we had along 2016 I consider it a sign that they were able to somewhat fix whatever issues they had a year before.

Even if you agree or not with me on their current friendship status, you can’t deny the following: LAND doesn’t speak badly about Camila bts unlike what media wants to make us believe.

(Fun fact: Josh liked the following two days after the split announcement)

Enough with Josh (he stans Camila hard lol) Let’s check the rest of their friends...

I would insert here the videos of Simone & Sydney jamming to CITC, unfortunately I couldn’t download them but that doesn’t me we must not take them into account as well.

Next one might not be recent but reminder that Normani wrote as part of those thoughts: “I have love and respect for all four of my bandmates whether you choose to believe it or not” “I have to address foolishness manufactured by those that have absolutely no idea what goes on” “For those who enjoy speculating and creating drama that doesn’t exist, please keep in mind that myself and the other girls in the group are PEOPLE” etc...

Out of all their friends or people they’ve worked with, in my opinion, when Angie (their temporary guitarist after Ashlee left) commented on C’s IG post is the one proof that I would take over any of the above to pinpoint that THIS...

...doesn’t reflect any of THIS...

In conclusion, I believe that the relatives & some friends are attempting to help the girls as much as they can. I repeat, it’s uncertain how much the girls are allowed to tell them. But some things are undeniably true... They (parents & friends) know how fucked up this business is, they have seen how much the 5 ladies have struggled in these past years. If there’s something they can’t do, is stop this madness. They can’t break the system, they can’t protect them from this industry. But they can try to fulfill part of the “dirty work”, otherwise I’m sure it would have to come directly from the girls. Don’t judge them, they are willing to do anything if it means taking some of the burden off of the girls’ shoulders. How do I know this latter? Cause I might only be a fan but I would do it too.

Question: if you had a friend or a relative in they industry, would you doubt putting yourself in the spotlight for a second in order to give them a hand?

P.S. Alejandro liked Clara’s “shady” tweet that was supposedly aimed at Camila.

#sorry if it took too long but i've been trying to put my life in order #hope you enjoyed it #next time you choose to call out their parents think about how much they love their kids

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fugitivedemon · 4 years

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MARIGOLD — "DESPAIR"; CHACE CRAWFORD is MARS KEENFORCE, a TWENTY-NINE year old DEMON BLOODED SHADOWHUNTER. He is said to be RESOLUTE but FORLORN as well. Let us welcome THE HANGED MAN into the Institute with open arms.

mars keenforce’s childhood was not innocent, nor was it filled with hope. born and raised in the sydney institute, mars learned early that his family name was not particularly favored amongst the other nelphim that trained there. his father, you see, was a well known for his troublesome behavior. when he was young, it was thought that he was going through a rebellious phase, and it seemed that it never passed...

by the time that mars had grown into a teenager, his father had been taken away by the clave. he never fully understood the reason why, his mother simply kept quiet and shook her head when he asked why.

unfortunately, the lack of an explanation made mars angry with the clave. his father had always been kind to him, had laughed with him and had treated him well, so surely he couldn’t have done anything so bad!

as he grew, the frustration that he felt toward the clave became something grander. he went out of his way to defy their orders, to spit on their laws, and it earned him a similar reputation to the one that his father had developed. despite his mother’s best attempts to keep him under control, for fear of losing her son too, it seemed that mars was untamable.

a few years after, his father returned to the family, but was a different man entirely. no more was he warm and a bit impish, but soft spoken and dull. of course, mars blamed what had happened on the clave, not on his father.

at seventeen, he’d become something of a black sheep of the institute. his skills were obvious, but his anger gave those around him pause. he was occasionally sent out on missions, but was not trusted to go on missions in which he was expected to follow orders. something would have to be done about this troublesome young man, but what?

before any decisions could be made for him, mars met a person who went by ‘the renegade’. he was skeptical at first, annoyed with their choice of alias, but given time he started to understand what they were after. they wanted to uproot the clave’s control. oh, and mars was desperate to help them do so.

he left the sydney institute behind without a word a few days before his eighteenth birthday, and joined the ranks of the renegade. for years, mars grew to prominence amongst the renegade’s followers. he was a skilled fighter, though perhaps a bit more violent than he needed to be, and he was a skilled leader. his hatred toward the clave had only become more prominent as he came of age with the renegade as his mentor.

in time, as mars became more respected amongst his peers, and showed his skill to the renegade time and time again, he started to be given additional responsibilities. he helped to lead missions and even plan attacks on the clave. he was also offered a leadership role, if only he would join the ranks of the more elite members. he was young and foolish, and accepted immediately, and with a loyalty oath and a pact rune that would keep him from speaking of what he knew, he became one of them.

sometimes, these attacks killed innocent people who were not involved with the clave, but mars saw it as the only way ahead. sometimes there would have to be martyrs, innocents killed, in order to prove the clave’s incompetence.

throughout the next decade, he became deeply entrenched in the belief that the renegade would lead them to victory against the clave and he was willing to do whatever it took to help them achieve their goal. unfortunately, the renegade saw this as an opportunity. mars had soon agreed to an experimentation process, one that the renegade hoped would make their followers, their army, stronger. he was the perfect soldier to test this theory upon.

mars didn’t know precisely what he’d signed up for, however. he was locked away and injected time and time again with demon’s ichor. the pain of it threatened to kill him, to drive him mad, and he remained locked inside the experimentation chamber until the process was deemed to be completed.

mars had become a nelphim infused with demon’s blood. it was damn near impossible to control at first. the slightest show of anger caused him to lash out at others cruelly, but given time he learned to control it and channel it toward more productive uses.

the process had changed mars for good, however. he learned to show little to no emotion, for fear that his new abilities come through. perhaps because he was less driven by anger, mars found that he saw the operation clearly for the very first time. the renegade was not good, was not trying to fix the power imbalance in their world, instead they wanted the power for themselves.

mars remained within the renegade’s ranks for about another year after his realization, trying to maintain any sense of normalcy that he could manage, but ultimately he could not do so. he caught wind that the renegade intended to attack the london institute and he found himself unwilling to help. no, he would not help. not this time.

in the middle of the night, mars tried to escape the compound. he was caught by a few of the guards, but he made quick work of them. they’d managed to wound him, but under the influence of the demon’s ichor he scarcely felt it. hell, he hardly knew where he was or what he’d done until he found himself at the gate of the london institute.

though mars still dislikes the clave, he has come to recognize that it is the lesser of two evils. he’s come to warn the people in the london institute that they are in grave danger, but the loyalty oath and the pact rune on his chest will make doing so damn near impossible.

#☾ . wasted on a selfish fool .#☾ . your time is running out .

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livelaughloveimagines · 7 years

Text

Undeserving Part 3

Song: “No Promises” - Shawn Mendes

A/N - This is unedited and I’m not sure if I really like it. and the spacing’s weird just ignore it.

The rest of the summer before Auston left was great, perfect even. You packed your days with adventures and your nights with each other. The knowledge that it wouldn’t continue after the summer was very much so there, but that didn’t stop either of you.

You went to amusement parks, the zoo, on road trips, and everything else in between. Auston helped you shop for your dorm room and you aided him in picking out items that would go in his new apartment.

“Do you have an apartment picked out yet?” Your mom was leaning against the stove a glass of wine in her hand as she questioned Auston.

“I have a few I narrowed it down to, but I’ll know for sure when I get there.” Auston sat next to you at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Ben wants to move there now because of you.” You all laughed knowing your little brother's adoration for Auston. “He told me ‘mom we can just move there and watch Leaf’s games’”

Auston chuckled. “That doesn’t sound like a bad life.”

“That might be (y/n)’s life, but not ours, too much here.”

“That’s not my life either.” The hurt that passed on Auston’s face after you said that didn’t go unnoticed.

Your mother watching changed the subject. “Did you get your father’s wedding invitation?”

“mhm.” You nodded. “I’m probably not going to go though.”

“Why not? It’s important to him.”

“Yeah and all my volleyball games and school things were important to me.”

Your mom sighed. “Auston.”

“Babe, you should go, I’ll come.” Auston encouraged.

You groaned leaning your head on Auston’s shoulder. “Fine.”

“Auston.” You didn’t look at him, but kept your gaze on the stars above you.

“Yeah?” He also didn’t break his gaze.

The blanket separating you from the grass was providing little warm compared to the body heat Auston was giving off with his arms wrapped around you.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I think I’m always going to love you.” You admitted the night sky above you looking a lot bigger.

“I know I’m always going to love you.”

"Despite what you think I do have a life outside of you, Auston." You gripped your phone tighter getting angrier.

"I never said you didn't." He fired back.

"Yeah I forgot your too busy with Jordan too notice if I do or don't."

You watched as Auston scoffed and shook his head. "She's a friend."

"Yeah just like all the other 'friends' you've made." You made it a point to emphasize the word friends.

"What do you want me to do, (y/n), not talk to anyone while I'm here?"

"No you can talk to people, I just don't want you to have sex with every girl you meet."

"You're one to talk, you post a picture with a different guy every night." Auston's voice rose.

"But I’m not fucking them. You keep lying, even though I know you've done a lot more than one girl!" You couldn't help, but raise your voice as well. Everyone knew Auston was enjoying his time in Toronto for more than just playing for the Maple Leafs.

"Stop bringing it up, I don't want to talk about it." Auston groaned.

"Then tell me the truth."

"There's nothing to tell."

“Whatever.” You were drained. You had facetimed Auston to talk about something else, something important, but of course the conversation went a different direction. “I’ll mail your birthday present.”

“You aren’t coming?” Before the endless fights You and Auston planned for you to come to Toronto for his birthday.

“I don’t know.” You admitted. The change happened quick and without much of a warning. One day you were good and the next he had side girls and you were fighting for his attention. You would do anything for him, though, even go to Toronto.

“Get just the vanilla and chocolate,” You instructed Mitch as he searched the freezer section. “Auston hates strawberry.”

“Who hates strawberry?” Mitch sounded appalled as he set the two containers in your cart.

“I know!” You responded. “He would go crazy if I ever came close to him with strawberry.”

“Auston stop being ridicules!” You demanded fist pounding on the front door.

“Not till you get that disgusting thing away from my house!” Auston shouted back. He refused to open the door for you till you threw away the strawberry cone you bought.

“Never! Strawberry ice cream is fantastic and you’re delusional.”

As Auston defended his side of the argument you took the opportunity to run around his house to the back door. Auston must’ve also realized this because by the time you had the door open he was closing it on your leg.

“Auston Matthews!”

“Get rid of the ice cream.” You laughed. Auston was dead serious over an ice cream flavor. “Let me in. I can’t throw it away out here.”

Auston hesitantly opened the door and watched your right hand carefully as it gripped the cone. However he looked away for a split second which gave you the opportunity to shove the delicious treat in his face.

“(y/n)!”

You laughed throwing the rest of the cone away “It taste good right?”

“No, it taste like you betrayed me,” Even though Auston was still mad watching you laugh and smile made him do the same.

“I can lick it off though.” You laughed again as Auston kissed all over your face getting the ice cream everywhere.

You and Mitch finished shopping in less than an hour which gave you plenty of time to set up and get ready. When you tried to pay for the grociers Mitch objected claiming that you’d put up with Auston for longer and have probably spent more money on him. Once you got to his and Steph’s apartment the beautiful blonde greeted you with a tight hug before you were even in the door.

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you.”

“Hi, Auston’s told me a lot about you,” You smiled big. “Both of you

“Well he never shuts up about you.”

Steph rolled her eyes at Mitch as she took your hand. “(y/n) and I are going to get ready, make everything look nice out here please.”

“Of course, anything for you.”

“That sarcasm will land you a spot on the couch tonight.” You laughed, Mitch mumbled things, and Steph pulled you into their bedroom sitting you down.

“So you and Auston-”

“Are not together.” You finished for her.

A frown formed on her face “But you want to be?”

You thought about everything that had happened between you two. “Honestly I don’t know.” You weren’t sure, but you knew if you only did one thing while here it would be talking to him.

“That’s okay.” Steph patted your leg as she layed dresses out on the bed. “You have time to figure it out.

You smiled at the bubbly girl who moved from the bed to the closet and back. “Thanks Steph.”

You both figured out and put on what you wanted to wear in less then an hour which you thought of as a small victory. Your outfit consisted of ripped dark blue skinny jeans and deep cut black long sleeve.

“Everyone quiet, he’s coming!” Steph demanded croaching next to you behind a small table next to the door.

You found yourself holding your breath as the door knob turned. You weren’t positive whether you were excited or going to be sick, but you had no time to decide as the door opened.

“Surprise!” Everyone jumped out of their spots and Steph flicked the lights on beside you. You, however weren’t greeted by the tall dark haired boy, but rather the shorter brunette best friend.

“Auston’s still getting out of the elevator.” Mitch’s face held an instant look of regret.

“Mitchell!”

“Babe, I’m sorry I thought he was right behind me.” You all flinched as Steph let out a yell and stomped away to their bedroom. “Baby, please.” Mitch followed helplessly.

“So you guys threw me party?” Auston’s voice ended the murmurs that followed Steph and Mitch’s exit.

“Surprise!” Will attempted pathetically going as far as blowing one of the party horns Mitch insisted on getting.

Auston chuckled. “Thanks Wills” He looked over the whole group that crowded around the apartment and that’s when he spotted you closest to him.

“Surprise.” You attempted yourself.

Auston wasted no time hugging you, regardless of everything that happened since he left you were still you and he was still him. “Lets party!”

The start of the night couldn’t have went better. Auston remained by your side as he introduced you to his teammates and friends. One hand remained on your hip while the other held a drink and between conversations he would lean down and whisper sweet things into your ear, every once in a while nipping at your ear

Your perfect night came to end though, when she walked through the door. You were in the living room. Auston was sitting in a chair and you were perched on his knee. His hand continued to run up and down your thigh as you talked to Connor and Lexi about their summer back in Chicago.

You’d never wanted to slap anyone as much as you wanted to slap Jordyn when she came up behind you and rubbed Auston’s shoulders planting a kiss on his neck. By the look ony Lexi and Connor’s faces you could tell they were also shocked by her actions.

“Jordyn.” Even the sound of her name angered you.

“Hey baby, miss me?” You rolled your eyes at the pet name.

“Uh.” Auston cleared his throat. “Yeah, but what are you doing here?”

“Willy invited me.” You knew Will didn’t mean any harm, but that didn’t make you any less upset.

“Oh well drinks are in the kitchen.” You were happy Auston wasn’t playing into her game.

“Aren’t you going to help me?”

“That’s our queue to leave.” Connor said.

“Yeah we’ll let you guys figure this out.” Lexi stood too and they both moved over to where Sydney and Matt stood.

Auston looked between you and Jordyn back and forth. You both wore the same look, your postures mirrored each other, and you had the same energy daring him to pick the other.

“One drink.” Auston stood effectively leaving you on the chair.

Jordyn smirked at you “I can turn one into two.”

“One drink.” Auston held a promise in his eyes as he looked at you.

You refused to meet the eyes of the group across the room knowing they were looking at you. You were embarrassed and alone, but that soon changed.

As the night wore on you got to know Auston’s teammates well on your own. Sydney and Matt promised to take you to dinner before you left, Connor questioned you all about Arizona, and you and Willy remained undefeated champs at the beer pong table that was set up.

“So what’s different about this party and one that’d be thrown in Arizona?” Willy questioned as you waited for Mitch and Morgan to set up on the other side.

“There’s no bonfire.”

“Is that the best part?”

You didn’t hesitate “Of course.”

Willy continued to talk after that, but you weren’t listening because your mind was more focused on the scene going on not to far away. Auston and Jordyn stood rather close the only thing separating them was their drinks in hand. She was right. One drink didn’t turn into two, more like four. You watched as they talked back and forth only getting closer. After a few seconds Auston’s eyes landed on you as he made his way over to you.

“Hey, I think I’m going to head out.” Auston’s thumb jolted back as he pointed over his shoulder at the door.

“But it’s your party.” Willy voiced.

“I know, but I’m not feeling great so I’m just going to go home.”

“With her.” Your eyes locked on Jordyn at the door.

“(Y/n) it’s not like that.”

“Whatever, Aus, this night's about you, it’s always been about you.” You leaned away from his kiss.

“You’re dramatic.”

“You’re leaving with another girl.”

Auston huffed “I want everything to be good between us.”

“And I want you to love me as much as I love you.” You snapped back.

“Well looks like we’re both losing tonight.” And with that Auston was out the door.

You knew you were going to cry, it was inevitable. You silently pleaded to yourself to hold it together till you got to a separate room, but of course your emotions had a mind of their own.

“So are we gonna play or, ow!” Will doubled over as Mo’s elbow came in contact with his stomach.

“Yeah.” You pulled Connor to the table. “I just need a sec.” You excused yourself. You shut the door to the first vacant room you could find and finally and fully let yourself cry. Auston continued to embarrass, hurt, and stress you out, but he wasn’t just any boy, not anymore at least.

“(Y/n)?” The soft voice of Mitch interrupted your pity party.

“Yeah, Mitch?”

“Are you okay?” His concern made you want to cry more. Everyone made jokes and teased him, but Mitch was truly a kind hearted boy.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You wiped your face quick to dry your eyes, but careful enough to not ruin your makeup.

“Be honest.”

“Mitch, this isn’t your problem.” The look of hurt that crossed his face had you regretting your words.

“No, but it involves two people I care about a lot. And one of them really hurt the other tonight and I wouldn’t be a good friend if I let the one that got hurt cry in my room alone.” You laughed at Mitch’s somewhat confusing explanation.

“I probably seem so pathetic right now.” You sat down on the bed.

“No.” Mitch sat next to you. “Just in love.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Does anyone?”

You wiped your face again forgetting about your makeup. “I don't know.”

“I think you and Auston need space. I know we just met and I’ve only known Auston for a few months, but it seems like this relationship is draining for the both of you.”

You shook your head “You don’t get it.”

“You’ll have the opportunity to grow, be happier, healthier, and when the time comes, get back together.” Mitch continued talking until you cut him off.

“If I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Steph.” A look of apprehension crossed Mitch’s face, but he nodded.

“I’m pregnant.”

#hockey #hockey one shot #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #nhl #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #auston matthews imagines #Toronto Maple Leafs #Toronto maple leafs imagines

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thedateranalyst · 5 years

Text

Brazilian Bae

I had learnt my lesson from my incident with Interchangeable Bae who, if anything, did a pretty good job of single-handedly personifying the reasons Brexit is a bad idea. I was not going to make the same mistake twice so for my next date I went as international as possible. Enter Francisco. Francisco was half Brazilian and half Swiss but had gone to university, or school as he called it, in America. That’s three out of the seven continents covered in one sentence! You can’t get much better than that. Well it turns out you can - he was clearly a dab hand at travel and willing to show off his skills, offering to travel up to my neck of the woods, Camden for our date. The dream: continental yet convenient!

This got me thinking, maybe there was another benefit to restarting “The Dater Analyst”. I decided to take every dating opportunity, when possible, to try out a different bar in my new neighbourhood. This was admittedly a risky strategy; if I suggested a bar I’d never been to and it turned out to be an absolute dive or, as can quite often be the case in Camden, we accidentally ended up in a punk metal themed Irish pub or a gothic brewery, the date may not form the best first impression. Secondly, I could get hit with the double whammy of a bad bar AND a bad date; finding myself drinking warm flat beer and sticking to the floor of a shabby pub whilst simultaneously wracking my brain for anything to say to keep the conversation alive with someone who had lost a great deal of hair and gained a great deal of weight since the pictures on their dating profile were taken... On balance I decided it was worth a try, if nothing else The Dater Analyst can become a handy (and pretty niche) guide to dating in North West London.

To kick off my new experiment I had selected Fifty Five Bar, a local cocktail bar. I got there first and quickly realised I had already lost on the first gamble of the evening. The bar was fine but a bit studenty; the paintwork was rather chipped and the holes in the faux leather benches that lined the walls like a common room has been covered with several layers of sellotape. It didn’t scream romance. It was also nowhere near Halloween which made me wonder whether the decorations were still up from last year, if the bar was meant to have a vampire theme, or if the cobwebs were just due to lack of dusting. It was not a great start to the date when Francisco walked in and I immediately had to apologise for the location. We also quickly learnt that they didn’t have any beer on draft so we had to make do with the lukewarm bottles I had been dreading.

Our surroundings had set the standard pretty low. Conversation with Francisco put the evening on a steady incline though. It turned out that not only was he half Brazilian, half Swiss and educated in America but he also worked in foreign policy and had previously lived in both Myanmar and Pakistan. That was another continent ticked off, ten minutes in and we were over half way towards a continental bingo! Given his profession as well, it looked like he was in with a pretty high chance of hitting a full house! Things only improved when he also mentioned that he spoke five languages. I was suitably impressed and mumbled something about having spent a couple of months in France and worked in a bar in Peru (I didn’t let on that this only increased my Spanish vocabulary by about five words: avocado, bill, beer, drink and thank you). My year abroad in Sydney was also beginning to look rather tame.

Ok, so he had absolutely trumped me on the travel front. The conversation turned to another mutual interest, literature. It turned out he had just finished Sally Rooney’s Normal People and was now reading Milkman by Anna Burns. This was huge news. These are both books that we have done for our book group and are probably two of the most unanimously liked and avidly debated books we have had since the group formed over two years ago. Major brownie points to Francisco.

Another round of lukewarm beers was ordered and conversation turned to plans for the future. Francisco said that whilst he really enjoyed his job his ambition was to move to his own farm one day. Ah, I grew up on a farm in Cumbria, how convenient! With all the major bases covered I decided to see how good this guy really was and chuck in a few curve balls. For the first time since I moved here, I considered myself a real Londoner as we spent the next ten minutes discussing the correct tube etiquette - I had a whole new respect for him when I found out that he quite happily asked people to stand up if there was someone more deserving of their seat. He still found the levels of British politeness and enjoyment of queueing baffling but whole-heartedly agreed with my belief that vegans shouldn’t have Amazon Prime (maybe one to be discussed in a further post).

I know what you’re thinking, this guy sounds like an absolute catch. Why has the blog come back at all? Why haven’t I just ridden straight off into the sunset with Francisco to tick off those last three remaining continents? There was just one issue though. Whilst I could have sat and talked to Francisco for hours on end, I had absolutely no desire to rip his clothes off. It wasn’t that he wasn’t good looking. There was absolutely nothing misleading about him or different from the pictures I had initially swiped right to, there just wasn’t a spark. So much so, that I got nervous for the end of the date, in case he might lean in. I really didn’t want to kiss him but also really didn’t want to reject him because he was so great.

On a quick side note, I learnt a wee tip on this date that could be potentially beneficial to anyone contemplating dabbling in app dating but too nervous to make the leap. When organising the date, caveat the discussion by saying that you can only stay until a certain time as you have dinner plans. In this instance I did in fact have dinner plans but that needn’t necessarily be the case. This way you go into a date knowing that you already have an exit strategy, even if it is truly awful you will be able to count down the minutes until you have said you have to leave rather than desperately wracking your brains to find a reason to get out of there without being rude. If, alternatively, it is love at first sight, you can either conveniently find a reason that your dinner has been cancelled or know that you are leaving them wanting more.

In this instance, I was about to get up to leave when he said he needed the loo. I said that I actually had to go too or I was going to be late for dinner so the parting was a quick hug rather than the usual prolonged putting on of coats, collecting belongings, leaving the bar together, working out which direction the other one is going in then potentially being faced with the worst situation of all: a good bye on the tube. Avoid this one at all costs! So many witnesses, such awkward angles, so many possibilities of getting the timing wrong. Say goodbye too early and you risk the train suddenly stopping short of the platform meaning you have to go through the whole thing again thirty seconds later. Say goodbye too late and there’s a rushed hug with backpacks and elbows everywhere followed by a mad scramble for the door. Come to think of it, I really should have brought this up in my lengthy discussion with Francisco about tube etiquette!

The next day I had an incredibly sweet message from Francisco saying that he had loved meeting me and would like to get to know me better but got the impression I wasn’t really feeling it and if that was the case there was no hard feelings. I really need to work on hiding my emotions better! Full marks to Francisco though for his emotional intelligence. I replied saying that he was right, I wasn’t really feeling it romantically but had enjoyed my evening and would love to stay in touch as friends (it’s really hard to ever use that line without it sounding incredibly corny). I asked him if he would like to join my book club. He didn’t reply. Fair enough really.

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