#will you still love me if it turns out im insane?
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it's been a long wednesday..... pass me the boygenius "we're in love"
#you could absolutely break my heart#i dont need the sample of a scar so put down the knife we're not swappin blood#you listened like it mattered#will you still love me if it turns out im insane?#IF YOU REWRITE YOUR LIFE MAY I STILL PLAY A PART?#IN THE NEXT ONE.... WILL YOU FIND ME?#good lord.... and when lucy and phoebe say “you know the ones” in unison#this is one of the most heart wrenching confessions of love ever#thinking about how lucy says i could go on and on and on and i will on and on and on until it all comes back#wonder if that's that one line about how the love you pour into the world finds its way back to you#sigh#vdelicate.txt
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Thanks.
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#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop nature au#fop dev#fop dale#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#art#digital art#comic#The 'Thanks' after all of that makes me so insane Im not even sure I can fully articulate why#I mean. He got what he wanted. Honesty. Thats what you wanted right Dev?#what else do you say to that#He's spent his whole life being sure he knew the answer. That deep DEEP down dale did love him#Have you ever seen that post thats like“I was bawling my eyes out and somebody told me to shut up and I was so taken aback I stopped crying#I think he was so stunned that he just stopped crying.#or like when you get so upset that your feelings turn themselves off to protect you#is that a normal thing that happens to people Erm. anyway#Sorry lol as someone born to parents who.. should not have had me. Writing dale basically admitting as much is actually really cathartic#He shouldnt have had Dev. He doesnt love him. He cant. Dev cant do anything to change it. Its just a fact.#Hes not 1:1 with my parents they tried their best ig but like. their best was still pretty awful child neglect LOL
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
#seriously another shout out to my mutuals#id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being#and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting#bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over#and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic#sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals#like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful#so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up#than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess#they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds#so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW#okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE#SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES#if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context#but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic#and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this#ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day
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cropped so tumblr dot com won't kill me, see full version on my bluesky (🔞)
#one piece#kidlaw#eustass kid#trafalgar d. water law#jer.art#trans law btw bc trans law is canon oda told me himself#as i said before. content label. you gotta be logged in to see the post. im sorry blame elon#theyre so sweet (when they want to be)!!#(bc when they dont they probably bicker as foreplay and during sex and after it and then bicker some more)#but i have such a soft spot for the concept of these two jerks being tender with each other.#anyway. i drew this and somehow im not immune at all after staring at it for over 4 hours#i still cry over law's hand on the back of kid's head ITS SO TENDER. KID'S HAND ON LAW'S WAIST???#i just love kidlaw so much they make me insane#some mistakes keep haunting me but overall im so proud of this piece im just really happy with how it turned out
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do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.
#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation#the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart#AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE#five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home#then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles#perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals....#going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back#he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better#and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see#THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING#absolutely unprompted#the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life#god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year?#is it year eight of having them? year nine?#one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive#the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much#he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest#he sleeps on my ribs <3#the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions#and fuck... he's really changed with me huh??#his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years#like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in#we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk#i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs...#my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3#maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait#his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery#god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me#he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3
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My Vocaloid phase was half a decade ago but h.... fish Pearl... Deep Sea Girl Pearl..... GemPearl... hh
#blabber#“the deep sea still wont allow her the courage to bare her heart”#“My smile is so unsightly twisted. I couldnt possibly face anyone like this”#“ 'See now. You too were hiding a wonderful color' ”#and the bit in the lyrics that was like “I saw the light - who was the liar giving off that light?” and then#“You reached out to me but I turned away and lied” HHHHH#once the blame can no longer lay with the other person she shifts the blame to herself instead#and to me I love to imagine in SL that she grows somewhat of a grudge towards Gem after how easily she's accepted back with open arms#after doing what previously got Pearl ostracized. But then they start talking and get on really easily and she's like “oh”#(There was no fault that you ever bore)#does this make sense Im going insane#“You were so graceful as you effortlessly swam down” RRRR Im still listening to this over and over again going more insane#tubby art
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i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group
#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time.#i LOVE playing cleric turns out.#though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support#it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration'#doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible)#aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard#my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can'#the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here#functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me#i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in#a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and#try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl'#a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be'#anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is.#she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp#but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again#she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her.#i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to#0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again.#do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag!#she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down#aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and#reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration#badass
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thought i could finally listen to this song again after 2 months.. i can NOT.
#you could absolutely break my heart#that's how i know#that we are in love#WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME IF IT TURNS OUT IM INSANE#i know what you'll say but it helps to hear you say it anyway#if you rewrite your life may i still play a part#in the next one will you find me#Spotify
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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im gonna be honest. i cackled when i saw this.
poor guy *remembers the time he asked if clarence was really that attractive* i wonder if that's why cats hate him.
[from clarence's ssr - waiting cat]
#rambles by aya#lovebrush chronicles#for all time#lbc william#writing an au rn where clarence was enchanted at birth to be loved by all animals#even if you're a human turned animal you're still gonna find him to be the most warm and comforting presence out there#so now im just. dying thinking that the cats hate him because they think he's mean to clarence#doesn't make sense in the context of the ss necessarily but. it's funny#but yeah when william asked me that i was like are you insane?? he's like one of the hottest dudes on campus??
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I got 7 reactions to the post I made on this app 8 whole days ago (when most ppl in my area got 2 or 3 at the most). & Several messages I haven't responded to. Tbh I haven't bothered since that first day, bc I got what I wanted out of it (decided to try a hookup and accomplished it 3 days after deciding it), and...
We've still been texting. Sometimes about things that aren't exactly typical of what you'd think for a hookup (emotionally intimate, I guess?). Today we got on the topic of hiking and I mentioned my fav state park & she said she was planning to go there over spring break and said she'd love to bring me with her... which That is a level of accepting me in her life that I think is not typical of just a one-off hookup kinda thing.
So like... idk if we r skirting around the possibility of a relationship?? Or if we r setting up to be friends with benefits?? Would it be exclusive??? Open??? Assuming there's any kind of relationship at all??????
Idk. It feels like there's Something there. I don't know what she wants out of it. I kinda don't even know what I want out of it. But it'd feel a little weird to pursue smth else when we're in this nebulous area... it wouldn't be cheating bc it's not like we're dating, but I'd also hate it if we Did end up dating (exclusively) and then I'd have to give up someone else........
Idk. I wasn't expecting to hit it off with someone like this. I'm still pretty burnt out on serious romance, so I don't want to just jump right into a new thing. I just know that I like talking with her and I'll probably want to sleep with her again. Beyond that...
I dont know. It's all so confusing.
#speculation nation#i think im bigtime failing at the whole Casual aspect of it 😂#but i cant help being so alluring.... the girls Love a sweet nerd with a mysterious hidden darkness.....#might be why i have so many reactions too. i am for serious my post has over twice as many reactions as anyone else#idk. i have options. for now im just leaving them open.#it's only been a week now since we started chatting. still way too early to decide anything.#i will simply play it by ear. see where things take me.#we have. we have a spotify playlist. for sharing our favorite songs together. we are sharing music.#i feel like im going insane. this cant be the normal Just Casual kinda thing can it???#not when shes said at multiple points that im 'the coolest person ever' or that im really kind#oh god am i turning into one of those useless lesbian tropes????#'help this girl keeps saying im really cool and that she wants to go hiking with me and we are sharing music together#and also we had sex. do you think she likes me?'#fbkdfkshfkshdjd it sounds so FUNNY laid out like that. but the sex rly is just incidental and all ykno?#i dont know how many hookups shes actually had. i dont know how special i am to her#emotionally Or sexually. and i feel like asking would be rude.#so i am simply waiting it out. seeing where it goes. and being pleasantly surprised anytime it goes well.#the thing with the hiking today made me all 😳😳😳😳 bc it spoke of a desire to have me in her life several months from now#it's only been a week. it's only been a week. i have no idea what im doing.
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#i think im gonna love you for a long long time ; hellcheer.#will you still love me if it turns out i'm insane? ; eddie & eli.#i will always always want to be here with you ; laurie & valerie.
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Plushie anon again here, THERES A HOODIE? I'm also getting hopeful bc the plushie specifically says 3 but uses his dragon engine (for the cards) and unreal engine hair color...suspicious
yep, alongside ones for akiyama and ichiban ! it's a part of a lottery though so there isn't a guaranteed way to get one yet but it exists
and in case you missed it here are the clan pins including the hakuho clan- you actually can pre-order these right now !
on the note about his hair color though, i wonder why they've made it black. i love his chestnut hair so much more.....
#snap chats#itd be so funny if the plushies actually did imply something bigger for mine#if it does turn out to be that way none of you are allowed to bully me ever again#granted none of you ever DID which. <3<3<3<3<3#BUT YEAH i dont like how theyre making his hair black- with hijikata i can let slide#but his chestnut hair just went so good with the rest of his pallet and it fit him so well...#i'll still love him but i'll miss his chestnut hair color if they really do decide to give him black hair in all merch and in-game#if he ever shows up in another game that is#also ngl im stumped on what you mean by uses the dragon engine for the cards#im dumb dumb but im trying to figure out what you mean cause the only thing i can think of is like#they always use the render from Y3 for anything mine related- unless you mean his RGGO cards#cause they do use dragon engine for his cards im pretty sure which Yeah Ok Now I Understand#but on that note tho every day i think about mine's unused model for YK1.....#like sir what are you doing here !!!!! what was your purpose !!!! im going INSANE !!!!!!#mine my beloved come back from the war why did mine get the Y6 akiyama treatment#all his files and models and textures are there but they just couldn't commit to adding him in the game#at least for akiyama we know why but i wonder what caused them to change their mind last minute for mine...#the world may never know.....
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my sister and i sat down at our swing to eat dinner at exactly the same time just like we used to like it was an unspoken agreement i moved the pillow to put behind her back and i think some part of me healed a little bit
#i can't believe we used to do this everyday#this is why everything fucking sucks in my life rn there's no way id be so depressed if she was still living here#we made fun of the cringe south indian movie dad was watching and we kept giggling and dad kept asking kya hua#and we were like kuch nahi aise hi#it felt like old times#i can't believe she's turning 26 in a few hours like that's not a real age and also she's still#17 in my head leaving for college#and#good things are happening for her finally im so happy 🥹🥹#i know our relationship isn't the best rn but idk she gives me hope by just existing that#one day parents will be out of the picture and we'll be our own tiny little family with our own traditions and lots of love#she came just now and was like ill prepare everything you just tell me how much water to add in the batter#and i was like god😭😭 she's so tired from office and dad ka kalesh all day and still she's taking responsibility for everyone#happily#crazy and insane#mann birthdays make me so emotional like thank you for being born!!! i love you foreverr!!!!!!!!
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happy valentine's day!! i made a huntlow animatic for the occasion! (i'm very predictable)
#the owl house#(i found a loophole. anyway on to the 4th installment)#WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!!!!!#with the little beating heart. the rhythmical tapping. the mystery skull head bopping. really vibing to this whole part#and the little smiles when they make eye contact. babbys#WHEN HE IS LITERALLY HER LOVE WHO WONT SIT STILL!!!! WHAT DOES SHE DO WITH HIM!!!!!!!#also im cackling over how he comes back after glitching and his head bopping gets more aggressive#what do i do-ing intensifies#and her fond little smile after he pops away. shes so....🥺#OH and i need to point it out to anybody who didnt notice so the psychic damage can be a family event#that part where they jump into each others arms and start spinning downwards#they are cupping each others faces. just felt we should all be aware#the flashbacks....the memories...the the....#hunter's dm of flapjack looks like an anime character about to go insane. maybe hes sick of their bullshit too#when he looks so surprised at the shoulder touch....then smiles warmly at her. grateful that shes here for him. i cant do this anymore#(not talking about the pain. not giving you the satisfaction.)#the part with him personalizing her costume does things to me. she just looks so HYPED!!!! FUCK YEAH MY FIT IS GETTING HUNTERFIED!!!!!#and hes just soaking up her exciteme and attention and and and. i crumble#yeah sure end it with the pinky touch you fucking maniac#okay okay okay okay okay in conclusion:#that was cute :)#i liked it :))))))#thank you for making it tumblr user rileyclaw#the next time you turn your back im coming after you with a cartoon mallet
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au!sunshipduo were in love by boygenius coded
#“put down the knife were not swapping blood”#“and i told you of our past lives every man youve ever been and it wasnt flattering but you listened like it mattered”#“WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME IF IT TURNS OUT IM INSANE”
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