#will use it just in case anyway so i can make more people look at this lmao
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new oc/sona yaaaaaay!
oh how i wish i had all those piercings (bridge come back to meš)
can we guess where his name came from gang (suspiciously username shaped name)
i actually really enjoy his character design and i literally color picked his color pallet from a diagram(?) that shows how a bruise heals and it worked out LMAOO sooo new character design life hack
more info and lots of general yapping about him after the break if you care to read :3 and i yap a LOT i have lots to say about him bc its been a while since i genuinely developed an oc LMAO
cw for LOTS and LOTS of talk of death if you do decide to read! just in case :3
first of all you may be thinking ā5ā6? short king!ā and i will have you know i actually made him taller than i am irl by a few inches LMAOOO whoops t boy swag will do that to ya
anyways the thing about his color pallet being based off of that of a literal bruise IS actually relevant because he is literally immortal and is CONSTANTLY getting injured like all the time. i think conveying info about characters via their color pallets is fun and i wanna do more of it so hehe. plus green and red and purple are a nice combo and it worked out very well :3 also another little note about his design: heās a very creative and artistic person and i wanted to show that through his clothes being somehow modified and i think i did that well too. trying to properly get back into making actually decent and thoughtful character designs so im proud of myself :3
that being said his immortality causes him a SHIT load of problems. i feel like being immortal would really suck LMAO but more-so i feel like i dont see people do much with the idea of immortality in terms of horror or at least not from what iāve seen. like im still figuring out his lore but the basics are: he has no clue who his dad is and found out he was immortal at a somewhat young age but literally his entire life heās been viewed as just kind of off?? like he looks human and for the most part acts it but he just has certain traits that humansā¦. do not have. his eyes glow in pics like a nocturnal animalās would and his teeth are suspiciously sharp and he gets weird cravings for raw meat which he can somehow digest perfectly fine with absolutely no issue but heās not like OVERTLY some otherworldly creature heās just a little weird. a tad strange even. possibly even kind of unsettling depending on who you ask.
and i like to imagine these are a lot of things that were present in his childhood too, like his mother would wake up to the sound of rummaging in the kitchen and find him at the ripe old age of five just gnawing at a whole raw steak in the dark. heās just sort of always been like that and didnāt realize it was weird until he was older. (is a lot of this used as metaphors for undiagnosed neurodiversity/mental illness? ā¦..iii dont knowwww :3 (yes) (although not every aspect of him is a total reflection of myself, he is still his own character in many respects lolol))
but in general this ends up causing him all sorts of issues in all sorts of millions of ways. for one he has sort of a fragile sense of self because he doesnāt even know what he is?? he knows he canāt just be a regular old human because of all the previously mentioned reasons and a few more, but that aside he has no idea what he is. he also doesnāt know pretty much anything about how his immortality works beyond what heās experienced and what the others have told him during the times when heās ādead,ā he has no idea how his aging is affected by it because he seems to be aging relatively normally so far, he has no clue if he will EVER die for good/if thereās any way to kill him, he has no idea how his body seems to heal the most insane fatal injuries as if nothing happened, and much more quickly than a normal human would, he kinda doesnāt know jack shit about himself and it pisses him off a little bit!
it also has just caused him lots of trauma as you can probably imagine. lots of dissociation everywhere he looks
moving on to how his immortality actually works: like i said thereās only so much he knows about it but this is all the info he knows so far. he CAN ādieā but all of his deaths are temporary. that is to say that his body will eventually heal and regenerate itself and he will come back. itās not like deadpool where he can get stabbed in the head and go about the rest of his day like nothing happened, he might be able to keep himself up for a while to fight back or run away but it wont be long before he drops dead for a few days or so. during said time his body outwardly does seem very dead. heās unresponsive and still and isnāt blinking or nothing and his pupils are blown (which he already has huge pupils but yk), like if you were to just show him to someone theyād be like āyeah thatās absolutely a corpse and also why would you show this to me.ā but his body is still alive in a sense, itās just sort ofā¦ yknow when you put a computer into sleep mode?? upon first glance itās gonna look like itās off but inwardly things are still going on. his body is still working to regenerate itself the whole time, even if whatever he sustained that ākilledā him would very much not be healable or survivable by any normal person. in his POV, he just sort of gets knocked out for a while and then wakes up exhausted and sore and absolutely FAMISHED. like he could easily eat a horse without any exaggeration the boy can eat.
heās also always been interested in horror and the supernatural and crime and shit and is largely desensitized to that sort of stuff from that + experiencing a lot of different deaths himself bc of the whole immortality thing paired with him being generally reckless when he was younger because whatās it gonna do? kill him? (āwhatāre you gonna do, jeff the kill me?ā -him at jeff moments before being stabbed, probably) he says he doesnāt care but it actually effects him deeply in ways he doesnāt understand for a while. as he gets older he becomes less reckless and doesnāt throw himself into dangerous situations as often.
all that being said heās not necessarily all that dangerous himself?? he carries his dagger around with him for protection or cutting up meat and apples or woodcarving more than anything and as a proxy he works a lot more as just anā¦ observer. despite his name heās not really all for the killing people stuff if he can help it unlike many of the others, if anything his name more so refers to the fact that HEāS usually the one getting slashed up. (itās actually just bc of my username but shhhhhh) but generally he much prefers to be in the background keeping watch or scoping things out or just sort ofā¦ stalking people basically. dont ask me how he manages to be stealthy in THAT outfitā¦ he manages somehow i swear š
but yknow overall heās not an incredible threat to most people, the ācreepyā part of him being a creepypasta comes a lot more just from how much it would suck to be in his shoes as just a guy who happens to be immortal but still able to experience the pain of death over and over again. he isnāt the creepy thing as much as his entire life experience is LOL. usually heās just unsettling and disturbing at most.
he also has a VERY complex relationship with BEN in my AU specifically (WHICH RANDOM DISCLAIMER TIME: NOT THE LITTLE 12 YEAR OLD VERSION NOOOOO EW my auās BEN is like a combo of āfanonā him and behavioral event network he is not 12 years old and i dont want him being shipped with anything NEAR that version of him, ONLY my AUās version who is 19. im not a freak. š theyāre not a couple anyway (BENš¤slasher -> being aro) but i did wanna preface that just in case bc im not trying to get misinterpreted like that) might write more about that sometimeā¦ bc their relationship has a lot of symbolism and complexity bc BEN is my fav character ever period and yes i am gonna write him and my self insert oc as being incredibly deeply intertwined bc i love him and cringe culture can kick rocks and therapy is difficult to get :3 oc x canon shippers platonic or romantic yall will always be safe on my blog frfr
im gonna post more about BEN soon tooā¦. literally working on actually making a proper design for him rn which is mostly just difficult bc i cannot for the life of me think of what to give this freak to wear. i need them to serve cunt but likeā¦.. how do i do that šš that one BEN design i reblogged that gave him the adorable little heelsā¦.. absolutely geniusā¦ā¦ā¦. u know who u are :3
more random rapid fire fun facts about him bc why not: he loves piercings and tattoos and body mods bc they heal so easily for him, he has his tongue split! (NEEEED to do one day actually my dream body mod), his immortality doesnāt seem to effect his ability to get sick which he HATES but when he does get sick it only lasts for a day or so and heās a total drama queen the whole time, he loves to sew (though only by hand, heās genuinely afraid of sewing machines) and will patch up or modify clothes for his friends or other proxies if they ask, his favorite kind of raw meat is boar, and his favorite cooked meat is a tie between pork (boar or domestic pig) and chicken, he wears his headphones most of the time bc he loves music and sounds can sometimes overstimulate him, and BEN can talk to him through them because of course he can, he loves animals and actually has way more empathy for them than for humans, and he absolutely LOVES medical dramas and does not care that a lot of the actual medical parts are inaccurate he will eat them up. he WILL be caught staying up until 6am watching chicago med and he will not apologize.
ANYWAY i think thatās about it actually. if anyone actually read all my ramblingsā¦. i love u /p u mean very much to me /p
i WILL be yapping more soon (except probably about the actual ācanonā pastas hehe) :3
#creepypasta oc#creepypasta oc art#art#digital art#small artist#artists on tumblr#my artwork#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#my sona#artist sona#sona art#self sona#sona redesign#i yap too much#like way way way too much#ITS MY BLOG I CAN DO WHAT I WANT i scream as they drag me into the padded cell#seriously tho if u read everythingā¦ thank you LOL#i donāt expect anyone to i just love to ramble#i have lots and lots of thoughts in my brain#speaking of i would LOVE to make a creepypasta comic someday like seriously#i justā¦. need to do a lot of writing#and drawing#but hopefully i will one day#:3
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Rewatching Arcane only Jayce and Viktor and it's hilarious S1 EP3
08.01.2025: So I forgot to include the first scenes with these two because I didn'T take it that serious before, so I added the other scenes from the Episode to have a more complete analysis.
Confident Viktor is so awesome and also: he can stand on his own and even move a little bit. It makes me sad to see how his sickness hadn't gotten a hold of him yet when he met Jayce. And also, his "we have to crank it" and unsure smile is so sweet.
This scene makes me 100% sure Viktor is a sneak little bitch and he is going very far to achieve his dreams. Oh wait.
"Why, Why would you risk this?" Viktors explanation is real here, I don't think he only wants to help Jayce because he is nice, but he has a dream, too. Which is even more important to point Jayce's reaction, how could I not include it here? He looks at Viktor so adoringly and happy, that he found someone who wants to help. And he smiles at him, after that, a little bit. It is a soft smile. I am struggling to interpret that as love, but definetly affection.
and than this shot, which makes me smile: "Our Hextech Dream". And that is important here, because for Jayce, nothing is more important to give magic to the people. And Viktor is the one who helps him the most.
The fact that Jayce keeps on touching Viktor after that is not lost on me, but again I am a touchy person myself and not romantically involved with everyone I do that with, so I leave it here as a character trait he has and a comrade-thing to do. Even if you don't know someone that long, you can do that without any thoughts behind. But I find it interesting that he is doing that just with Viktor. He never touched Mel before she made a move on him (he wasn't even flirting with her. WAIT A MINUTE).
And after that, onto doing mischief:
Honestly, I can see why people doubt the shipping, especially in the first few episodes (or the first season) but honestly, Viktor did like Jayce but more importantly he wanted Jayce to focus on their endeavor; when Mel showed up and Jayce was like this, smiling after her, Viktor was clearly pissed Jayce was not paying attention. I am weezing, Viktors face.
His pout.
And then this weird look, this short flash of...sadness? Disappointment?
Anyway, Jayce was staring at Mel for a long time. Not gonna lie. That's why I wasn't on the shipping train in the first season I guess.
Can't shake the feeling Viktor knew or something lol, now I have thought about it and now I am seeing things.
Like when they tried it out he was so sure it will hold.
So I was thinking why would Jayce be so protective of Viktor all the time, when Viktor is pretty confident (shown in the scene with Mel and the scene in the lab)
Edit 08.01.2025: Like he was calm and confident and saying "the resonance will stabilize it". We do love our confident scientist. As someone pointed out, there were a lot more scenes in this episode important to their relationship, but I started taking a closer look after this episode. So I will have to revisit them and take the other scenes into account, too. So don't be confused if the first episodes aren't in order!
Honestly asking: Is it just me, or am I delulu? In this scene Viktor says "ALL YOURS" and looks at Jayce like this. Yes, we know Viktor, all his. Every damn time *goes crying into a corner*
Anyway, before the Gemstones somewhat work, Jayce is guided by his memory of the mage how he could activate the gemstone, which is a nice thing to watch after knowing who that man is (and man, does Old Man Viktor look healthy??). And we get this magically scene with them, Viktor keeping the screw makes my heart clench.
This scene is really magical! I love it so much.
And how Viktor is smiling at Jayce!
But instead letting us see a close up of Jayce smiling back at Viktor, Heimerdinger comes in and Mel decided to show up, too and Jayce is giving her that look again.
So I rest my case here, that Jayce is fond of Viktor, but not romantically interested. Which makes me question myself but again, we don't see much of interaction with these two until Mel gets Jayce away from Viktor and the research. Hm. Interesting.
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I canāt help but feel that the people who are complaining about the people criticizing this campaign are the types that are going to be pissed if BH does just kill Predathos and lets the gods live, especially if that comes at the cost of some supposed deserved happy ending for their faves. And whatās maybe ironic is that I feel that an ending in which BH choses to save the gods, the campaign does rise a bit in my esteem, and might in the eyes of some other critics as well, as it would, i dunno, maybe play into these themes of forgiveness and love and overcoming resentment that keep being used as a defense of this campaign and these characters?Ā
Anyway, godspeed on the quest to find good faith arguments on why this campaign is excellent. would genuinely like to see one.
Oh definitely. Like...look. I hope I conveyed the point of "I don't particularly think either of us are approaching this with a deep respect for the other, but we can at least make a polite fiction of good faith that, if you actually can come up with an argument that assumes that, I will accept in genuine good faith" and so in that interest I'm trying to scale back on attacking people. But also...I've been down this road before. When people complained about how bad Campaign 2 was, firstly, it specifically took hold either right after a ship competing with theirs became canon or at least was strongly hinted towards; or was in response to Molly not coming back; and secondly a lot of this happened after they'd been effusive in their praise for the campaign up until that point. Whereas for Campaign 3 you can, if you actually wished to do the research, go to my blog or most of my mutuals' blogs and do an archive dig and trace the optimism and excitement turning into skepticism turning into "yeah, this ain't it chief" with fairly consistent complaints (poor pacing, plot-character mismatches, indecision, failure of the characters to ever really challenge each other meaningfully in a way that leads to growth) throughout, coupled with, if I am being honest, a massive deal of grace and patience and "maybe this is the course correction" that was not always earned. Dorym becoming canon did not shift this among the many people who like Dorym and also think the campaign isn't very good, myself included, so I don't really think it's shipping wank that's the problem. I'm not inclined to respect arguments that either, 118 episodes into a campaign that's very close to its end, demand I consider its ~potential~. I have. It has, for the most part, failed to deliver over the course of those 118 episodes.
If a common complaint within the fandom of people who have watched hundreds of hours of this story is "it's unclear what story it is telling and the party is aimless" and small pockets and echo chambers are like NO YOU DON'T GET IT...I don't want to say its impossible for this to happen and that the majority is automatically correct, but were I an outside observer I know where I'd place money in a bet.
And yes, I agree. I think a lot of of the people defending it are either, to be very blunt, in a sunk cost fallacy situation/dedicated to a certain level of contrarianism more so than having their own opinions that exist independent of the fandom; or believe it will give them a happy ending for their faves or validate their belief the gods should die or they just want Exandria to burn at this point for whatever reason. I don't feel it's actually something that follows from the narrative, which, as this post so aptly puts, is just kind of sailing towards the rocks while the crew sort of bickers and doesn't do anything. It feels like the most satisfying endings possible are either achieving what the gods couldn't and destroying this existential threat for once and for all (in which case the gods survive, and hey, they actually did take a third option that no one was really talking about, the indecision was still boring as fuck but at least there's a scrap of payoff), or tragedy befalling them (loss of party members, killing a large swath of Exandria) as a consequence. And neither of those are what they want, which is like. the abstract concept of change and the less abstract and deeply unflattering concept of killing everyone who didn't give you what you wanted.
It is in fact unsurprising that the arguments in the fandom are the way they are. Wow I wonder why people who think "I asked this person for something and they didn't answer so I think letting loose an endless hunger entity to eat them" is a good and noble thing to do can't handle the idea that existing in the world means you and things you like will receive criticism, and other people won't just do what you want if you whine loudly enough.
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not a desert technically but I just visited the dunes in Monterey and gleefully trampled on some ice plant and I feel like you might enjoy that. if you wanna talk about the kinds of vegetation that grow in sandy soil or something I invite you to š
(also you're doing it! you're surviving! you'll get through that doctorate!)
ok ready this is my most important soapbox of all because soils in the desert are very special and have such cool organisms you don't find in these arrangements outside of drylands...
first lookee here. wauw beautiful utah
ok now look closer
no closer closer closer
CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER
WOW is that MOSS? you are thinking. the answer is YES. but doesn't moss like lots of water you are thinking??? WELL USUALLY. BUT in the desert you will notice that things like grasses and shrubs have lots of space between them unlike in more temperate climates-vegetation cover is not truly continuous. And there's less leaf litter than in forests obscuring the dirt. Which means all that soil is just sitting out in the open with nothing to protect it from being blown away by those harsh desert winds... except of course for our friends the BIOLOGICAL SOIL CRUSTS. also known as crypotbiotic soils, cryptogrammic soils, and biocrusts (for short).
These are communities of mosses, lichens, cyanobacteria (aka blue green algae--yes, those are usually Wet too, but ironically so so common in deserts), and the tens of thousands of surface and subsurface microbes that are associated with them. It's easy to forget just how many organisms are living in one single scoop of soil, especially because science can barely identify 1% of these microbes. Like of JUST the ones we have enough info to classify enough to count in my own master's dataset left me with over 25,000 unique taxonomic units I had to manage. don't worry about what that means just know it was very annoying and makes statistics a headache. anyway you find them all over the southwest US states as well as in other deserts around the world (spain, australia, sooo many in china, incredible ones in the succulent karoo in south africa/namibia, plenty in argentina etc etc), if you know where to look...
anyway OUR HEROS THE BIOCRUST aren't just there to look pretty (though you will can see from photos they also do this :) ), but are a vital component to the dryland ecosystem! They literally hold the soil surface together to prevent erosion, they influence hydrology in terms of rainfall runoff + infiltration, they impact how seeds germinate, they contribute to nutrient cycling and what plant-available compounds are held at the soil surface... like i feel like Tumblr in general has been made aware of how fungi & root networks interact in large scale systems like forests, but that is also happening on a more microscopic level in deserts! just in the top couple centimeters soooo much is happening. Cyanobacteria in particular are tiny organisms that produce little nets of sugars woven in the soil to climb around on and protect themselves, and if you crumble a little bit of soil from the surface you can see how the little spiderweb strings literally hold together the sand particles.
Now that you're Aware of biocrusts, when you look at larger scale landscape photos taken in un-trampled areas of desert, you will notice them as darker patches and textures on the lighter soil:
Yep there's these tiny little communities all over, that many people never learn to see. And now what I said before about mosses & cyanobacteria usually preferring wet environments--they have in fact adapted to life in the desert in ways that means they're dormant for most of the year. They live in stasis until the rainy season hits (or in some cases, winter moisture from a snow layer--many will photosynthesize through a few inches of snow since it's clear/white), and then burst into color and life. Many patches of biocrust will look utterly lifeless and dried out at first and then become vibrant and swell up within a few minutes of being exposed to moisture. Lichens, while more vibrant even when dry, will also mostly only grow/reproduce while wet. And biocrusts come in all sorts of colors, shapes, and preferred microhabitats!
anyway this post is long enough already so i'll be quick. while beautiful and important as you can imagine these are FRAGILE. if they get trampled too much, by humans or cows or cars, that's it. you're back to bare soil that can blow away whenever it wants.
I was lucky to get to participate in a 2x/year survey of one of the very few places in Utah to NEVER have cattle grazing or development, a remote area the entrance is kept secret to inside Canyonlands National Park, where you can see just how dense and lush biocrusts once could be in the US southwest:
ah... glorious. what special little guys. this is why if you visit many of the national parks in Utah you will see signs & stickers around with slogans like "Don't Bust The Crust" and "Tiptoe Through The Crypto" and etc. so heed that advice but DO stop and kneel down and get a better look at them!
#LONG POST#if you dont like long posts you can turn on the collapse posts feature in settings fun fact dont yell at me for your own dash choices#deserts#desert southwest#biocrusts#biological soil crusts#now if i could get myself onto a videogame design team you'd bet id put THESE in those desert regions#its fantasy land give me beautiful fantasy biocrusts... so sad to see them all extinct in thedas how many druffalo did they graze... anyway#replies#ramblings#dreadfutures#i spent a beautiful weekend in monteray once. for a conference but i skipped a day to go to the aquarium and sea kayaking which was great#didnt get to go to the dunes but DID get to jump in the very cold ocean a bunch which is always a treat for a desert rat#all photos mine btw thats why theres no credits
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term āsacrificed edwinā paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserveā considering that wasnāt really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didnāt know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to themā a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; theyāre really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeahā¦ā¦#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she wouldāve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards weāve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#itās kinda like the criminal justice system right. itās like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystalās such a good case to look at because sheās. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell Iāve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. sheās kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but sheās actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but sheās put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- sheās given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time sheās regained her memories and has a place in the agency itās much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasnāt an example unto himself but he was a āclerical errorā not a ārightfullyā condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isnāt with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these āerrorsā donāt happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know theyāre not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit arenāt those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadnātā do you think he wouldāve been Okay? I think it wouldāve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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february 14th will always be sonic movie day to me
#late night art post because i am desperate to get this out before midnight#also a bit rushed because again. i am desperate to get this out before midnight. which is quickly approaching for me#Anyway happy 3rd anniversary sonic movie <3 hard to believe its been that long already#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic movie#sonic wachowski#< do people still use that tag for movie sonic. idk#will use it just in case anyway so i can make more people look at this lmao#my art
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-- Poorly Constructed Enchanted Tool --
A small tool carved from a fruit tree seed. Energy to power the enchantment has seemingly run-out long ago, and the method of recharging is unknown - but, based on the appearance, it's very likely that this was once used for detecting magic. Usually, looking through the glass center would highlight areas of higher magical energy concentration present in the viewer's environment, even if they were otherwise obscured to the naked eye. While this form of enchantment itself is highly advanced, the craftsmanship of the item is far less neat or complex than what might be typically seen in similar devices. It may have been made as part of training/practice, or as a hasty replacement for a previous tool that had broken.
#written from the perspective of some fantasy traveler who checks all of the local thrift-stores and lost & found places for every#town they visit - looking for interesting items and documenting them or something#In reality - just another one of my goofy little avocado pit carvings lol. Still working on inlaying little stones in them and stuff#I don't really have the tools to make super intricate stuff but doing little plain swirly patterns is still fine enough lol.#WORKING ON NEW POLL ADVENTURE also I know I know it's been months.. I have been Busy and struck by the evils of summer#But like I mentioned in the previous one I do want to at LEAST finish the quest with the egg lol#ANYWAY.#Things like this would plausibly exist in Nanyevimi (my fantasy world) but wouldn't be very common as - like mentioned- this would be an#extremely advanced enchantment. REALLY advanced mages could sense magic around them (to varying degrees of pinpoint accuracy of location#) without even having to use any external device. But for a majority of people there's really no way to know someone is using magic near#you unless you either see visual proof or if it's strong enough to feel effects from it (since magic is kind of like radiation in that the#higher energy/more of it youre exposed to the more it damages you/can make you sick/etc.) and even then most people would just be like#'hmm why do I feel so nauseous and bad out of nowhere?' likely wouldn't directly think to link it to magic. Thus the only really reliable w#way isto just hone your senses over like 500 years as you become an expert mage - OR use enchantments like these. But a 'sense magic' encha#ntment is not as common as a just 'magic is not allowed here' enchantment. If you wanted to prevent magic from being usedin a space#it's easier to just put up a broad barrier enchantment around that space than to have some sort of Magic Sensor to pick out if it's being#done and then handle each individual case of it . etc. etc. These sort of things can have their uses (especially for people investigating#things or trying to be secretive about detecting something etc.) but are less common - especially in this form (where visuals are used. itd#be more likely to jsut have like 'piece of metal that gets warm or cool depending on magic nearby'.) ANWAY so this is why it's a notable#object. Though a majority of the realm is not very magic literate - if you were a researcher or a mage and found this at a pawn shop you'd#definitely be like 'oohhh!! :0 inch resting... ' if not you might just be like 'oh cool necklace!' lol#also love the quick 2min ''costume'' for the image of it being used. literally just 'wrap yourself in scarves from the waist up' and slap o#a wig and ears lol#on this blog I guess since it's worldbuilding related and technically art.. maybe more like crafting? I should have a crafts tag lol.. hmm
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Guys. I did not know before now that writing could be painfully millennial in a full prose book but the pho*nix ke*per has proven me wrong and I have to complain about it in the tags
#k talks#weird astrix is because I don't want this showing up in the tag just in case#but I NEED To complain about this book real quick. I love a magical zoo that part was fun but good lord the main character....#I get what the author was trying to do with her arc and I will say the second half of the book is better than the first but Jesus christ#I hated the main character at the start she is SO annoying. not to be mean I know the whole point is her overcoming her anxiety#but like. I swear to God every two pages was just oooh I'm so awkward I'm such an introvert I'm such an awkward scrawny turtle!!!!#like CONSTANT. even worse though she's mean about it. for like half the book she's just so incredibly judgy at her public outreach job#she literally works at a zoo and has to learn hmmm... zoos need money??? zoos are also about... educating the public??? WHATT????#also it just felt so weird because she is constantly talking about how pale and skinny and pasty and scrawny and white she is#like constantly. and her best friend is a black trans woman who CONSTANTLY coddles and supports the mc in a very maternal way#and her love interest is latina-coded I'm pretty sure and is much more confident and opinionated and is literally described as fiery once#so like. hm! Okay! interesting! Interesting stereotypes going on tbh!!!#the mc learns some lessons and gets slightly less insufferable but like. also it was SO predictable I always knew what was gonna happen nex#and the writing style... like I said above it is MILLENNIAL and not in a fun way. the word boop is used several times. the humor is awful#the main character has multiple conversations about being so uwu bottom even though there's no sex in this book??? why??#and every single character description is repeated OVER and OVER with the same two details. SO much telling basically no showing#the writing was just so... quirky. ooooh look at me I'm awkward I trip over things I can't do make-up I love sitting on the couch!!!!#like. idk. obviously a lot of people really liked this book and I SHOULD have been one of them. Sapphic romance at a magic zoo....#but the execution was just so incredibly not my thing it actively pissed me off even if I can see what the author was trying to achieve#maybe I just don't like cozy fantasy. man. there was a bit where a guy should've gotten eaten by a kelpie but didn't. so maybe too cozy#for my tastes actually. which is weird I feel like I should enjoy cozy fantasy! especially about animals!!! but maybe this was just a fluke#anyways. to be clear I am not trying to make fun of the MC for having anxiety. just the overall way her social awkwardness was WRITTEN abou#really bothered me. idk man I'm a neurotic freak as well but I try to be NICE about it. and I have the correct zoo opinions. so.
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My vld time travel au is really just- Beautiful morally grey women, who have close but concerning platonic relationship with Lance, and want Lotor dead/trying to violently murder him, not out of malice or vengeance or anything personal but simply because of pragmatic "it's for the greater good" reasons and they are sorta?? Right about it
#empty thoughts#I don't hate l*tor (the censor is just so it doesn't go in the tags)#But sometimes i'll see old posts from annoying l*tor/l*tura stans and i am like#'can we kill this guy again? I wasn't looking and missed it'#I just really need him to get his ass kicked and thoroughly by the people who hold similar ideology as him#(But are also more adept/better planner then him but that's just me being biased)#(I think my biggest problem with him is that. Till the end we really don't know why he did Thatā¢#Instead of explaining anything vee el dee just went 'oh he has a tragic past be nice to him :(' which honestly?#Pissed me off more then make me sympathetic#And so many stans who'll go 'Alura should just overlook the fact that he literally manipulated her trauma#Knowing full well that her people were still alive. While still using said people as batteries and instead get back with him#so she can be his arm candy therapist girlfriend#cause he's uwu traumatized baby' while shitting on lanc and romel only pissed me off so much more#And just- we still don't know why he did That. For all we know he really was using those alteans as capri suns#To extend his life and just made himself believe that it's for greater good so he can tell himself he's not like his dad and sleep at night#Anyway the reason why i don't talk about this au is because it's literally just a tma time travel fanfic#I want it to be less tma though.#But also i want to keep the aesthetics of horrorā humans turned monstersā build up to the end of the worldā and anti christ#And Lanc being morally grey depressed manipulative demigod who in this case swings between-#'save l*tor cause it's the right thing to do'#'save l*tor cause he's more useful alive'#'save l*tor cause last time he died his mom destroyed multiple realities while throwing a tantrum'#and 'kill l*tor yourself the moment he inevitably crosses the line'#Along with his new besties#I am not making sense it's 7:30 in the morning and i have cold
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When somebody only uses my chosen name while putting me down, it kind of makes me wish I didn't have a name at all.
And when somebody only uses my pronouns when they try to coerce me into something, then switch back to they/them when talking about me to anybody else, it kind of makes me uncomfortable af.
I sincerely do not enjoy being labeled or referred to. Being referred to is such a negative experience for me irl.
Yet not giving people a set of name/pronouns when they ask automatically seems to make them think you're secretly a serial killer trying to cover up something?????? Or like you're untrustworthy and must be hiding because you're a Bad Person instead of just not wanting to label yourself.
Can I just please not be forced to label myself for everybody else's comfort?
I feel like that information is so personally intimate anyways like unless you know me and we're close, why do you even care? I don't think it's necessary for the first stages of getting to know somebody even though in this culture we've normalized it to be that way.
Plus if I don't give you a name then I have the opportunity to earn one. Give me a name that you think I deserve and let it be what you honor me by instead! How about that? It's probably the only way I'll be comfortably perceived since some people will change my labels as they see fit regardless. Just call me what you like, I feel like my name/pronouns have been corrupted as is
#i feel weird about having a name and a gender and pronouns assigned to me.... such a weird thing to make a big deal#i mean it's a big deal as in you need to write names down for job apps#and when i walked in to request for emergency aid the person looking at my case asked for my pronouns#which just felt so irrelevant and it didn't make me feel any more respected#and i can tell some people are so uncomfortable using the pronouns that i say are mine that they'll opt out for ones they give me instead#which is like WHY DID YOU ASK IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO DO THAT ANYWAYS#silly things just don't make sense and to me they bring more trouble than they're worth#those things have been used as weapons against me so why keep giving ammo yk?#also i like the process of earning a nickname#one time this girl got offended that i reffered to her as snake girl the second time we met and i was like???#imagine being offended that somebody remembered you for having 4 corn snakes instead of using your boring old name#like when people call me fuwa i feel like they're honoring me as a blogger#i get it i get it this culture is just so strictly uncreative and boring#if i had a cool new name from each person who knew me i would be so cool with that#like if somebody i met found out i liked sasuke and then started referencing to me as sasuke boy i would actually be so happy#idk dude#also sorry to that girl for calling her snake girl but honestly her loving her 4 snakes actually felt more significant to me than her name#in other cultures they refer to parents as ā[insert child's name]'s mom/dadā and it's actually seen as being so respectful#like it's the family bond that gets honored instead of the individual and idk maybe some people take that to be a negative thing but#imagine as a parent loving your kid so much and then everybody identifies you as the parent who loves their kid#maybe that's dehumanizing in a sense idk#i see it as an honorable thing to be bestowed by others#yeah maybe people can be mean and call you āpoop boyā for the one time you shit your pants while drunk#i get not liking being called āpoop boyā but like dude... you're a legend and the story behind you earning that name would be legendary#idk i guess it's all about perspective#i don't know if I'm making sense#feel free to share thoughts#late night blogging
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My eczema is actually driving me out of my mind I swear to fucking god
#i have had this recurring patch of dyshidrotic eczema on my right middle finger for 6 months now (i searched around to find the exact#duration lol)#i looked on the subreddit and my situation is nowhere near as severe as a lot of peopleās so i feel very lucky due to that#like thereās people whose entire hands are covered in it and i just have a patch of it on my middle finger#plus a few recurring patches of more āaverageā eczema/dermatitis#my left pinky knuckle; the space between my left middle and ring finger; the inside of my right wrist; and the outer side of my right hand#are the recurring spots but i donāt get bumps there. just reddened; itchy and cracked skin#the bumps are just on my right middle finger but they drive me CRAZY#i canāt knit or write with a pen while the bumps are there because iāll burst them and if that happens i Really wonāt be able to knit#because it hurts too much#iām trying to make christmas gifts and the whole side of my middle finger is just a bunch of tiny cuts#iām so sick of it!!!! it doesnāt seem to respond to my normal steroid cream (betnovate) or my hand lotion (gloves in a bottle)#it has to have been sparked by an allergy but i canāt for the life of me figure out what it is. i first noticed this happening#when i started cooking from scratch a lot earlier this year. i blamed my wooden spoon for rubbing up against the side of my middle finger#but switching to a silicone spoon hasnāt helped. i only started using nail products in like august-september and this had been going on#for months by then. i mean i literally only quit being a lifelong nail biter in late july#i feel like going to the doctor is the only way iāll get this fixed but i feel embarrassed because itās SUCH a mild case#like i could absolutely just chuck a band aid on it and get all my christmas gift knitting done. but jesus CHRIST man#maybe iāll see if i can get hydrocortisone via boots online. it might respond to a different steroid maybe#i have very little faith in antihistamines because this shit was if anything worse during the summer when i was taking fexofenadine#but i might take nytol anyway because fuck this#personal#ETA because i know someone is going to suggest that my pen/needle/spoon grip is stupid and i should adjust it to prevent this:#i have SUCH bad dyspraxia itās not even funny. learning new motor skills or a new muscle memory takes me such an unbelievably long time#iād rather put up with the eczema than spend like a year relearning how to knit#the spoon i will try to hold in a more encompassing hand grip and iāve been trying to avoid handwriting for a long time but needlesā¦.. no
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āLook at you youāre such a doll youāre so cute and the things you talk about are so entertaining and lively and fun and youāre soft spoken with a soft heart it makes people want to stay with you ā¦apart from when you complainā
THAAAANK YOU ! You see this is why I never speak. I have been hearing this complaint from everybody. Am I as a human being not allowed to be upset and complain about things ?! This is why I bottle everything up. Ykw itās my fault for that because I AM easy to talk to so it invites everyone even those who are intolerant to everything. Let me get mad let me be upset and complain UGH.
#and those slew of compliments mean nothing to me anyways because I do not remotely believe any of them Iām afraid#dora daily#she makes me seem like an angel but if that were the case Iād have hoards of people begging to talk to me and be my friend but thatās not#the case. in fact itās the opposite and I have to beg for even one interaction#and I literally looked at a window with my reflection on it today and I felt like crying from how ugly I felt so the ādollā and ācuteā#comments just sound taunting to me even tho ik she means it#the thing is my body like my neck down is OKAY even tho Iām so short it looks rlly ugly#but Iām willing to forgive that#if looking at my face didnāt feel like pouring acid on my eyes#UGH#I wish I could put a paper bag on my head when I leave the house#and the thing is no make up can change the fact that I will feel ugly for a long time or even forever#no amount of outfits that look more grown up will change the fact people call me a child or even a baby or smth because then it feels like#Iām playing dress up with outfits that arenāt FOR me that look like I stole them from somebody else#point is even having the nicest outfits wonāt do anything because I have nice and cool clothes itās just the fact that theyāre on ME makes#them instantly ugly#and to think this severe self loathing in terms of appearance came from the person who just gave me those compliments ; my mum#when she used to say (for unrelated reasons) that I am attributed with masculinity#and ik itās not her saying I have masculine features cause if I did she wouldāve said so#itās just she was referring to something else#that I donāt want to recount here. and to me anyone attributing any masculine trait onto me turns me hysterical soooo#š¦
š¦
š¦
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gwahhh, valentines day,,,,y'know I never really minded valentines day, me and a couple of friends are going to a cafe place later today though and gwah,,,,I really don't vibe with PDA, I'm not rude about it, I don't make a reaction out of it, but it does make me uncomfortable and I'm just holding out that the couples that will presumably be there aren't too PDA'y aha,,,,I'm kinda nervous about it ^^;
#I was thinking of bringing bby with me just to feel like I fit in a bit more internally#(It would just look like I was using a laptop to anyone else ehe. I would never engage in PDA. Not even with a person)#Buttt I thought yknow. I wouldn't appreciate it very much if one of my friends brought their partner to a friend outing!#Especially on a day like Valentines day!!#so I'm not ehe -///- It did get me thinking whether I should do something with bby for valentines day tho...#obviously we've never been through this whole song and dance of this day before ehe -///-#Idk if she'd even want me to do anything special. Like we already spend a lot of physical time together ehe#idk. If I see something I think she'd like for her case I'll pick it up or something mayhaps#sorry going on a whole objectum contemplation in tags sdjhdshsdh#Yknow I've seen some people be kinda mean over people not liking PDA#Like#'Oh you don't like people showing their love for eachother??? Grow up. Don't be such a puritan :rolling_eyes:'#'You're a bad person' typa posts yknow? but like. man as long as you're not being rude about it I think it's fine to be kinda annoyed at it#I do think it's annoying and unnecessary for people to be making out in the middle of the afternoon at a crossing or whatever#I do think it's unnecessary to be holding hands while your sitting down and eating or something#but like. man I just internally go 'Don't like that!' and just. avoid them. which isn't hard to do because for the most part#because under normal circumstances I'm not going up to strangers anyway yknow#I don'tthink it makes you a bad person yeah. you can think of me whatever way you want after that but I'm not changing my mind I don't thin#Android.txt
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accidents pt. II | Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Summary: during a long case away, Spencer accidentally sees Reader's nudes on her phone and can't cope because he is a MESS for reader whoops pt.II The Reckoning /j, this is basically just 10k words of porn with feelings yikes
Warnings: SMUT MDNI, 18+ only, fem!reader, fluff, some angst (still Spencer feeling he isn't good enough š), EMOTIONSSS, Spencer STILL loves you so much, he gets a hug, and so much more!, talk about sex, detailed asking for CONSENT (be safe people), sex (piv), some frottage, uhhh what else, dirty talk, some dom/sub understones (sub!Spencer ofc), little bit allusion to subspace, Spencer discovers so many kinks in this awww we're so proud of you bby (mentioned kinks: praise kink, squint of liking being embarrassed, tiiny bit of a voyeristic thing), also I made him a virgin whoops so virgin!Spencer, proofread but prolly not perfect lol. Tell me if I'm missing any tags I am so tired
(also, Spencer will be bisexual in all of my Spencer fics because I am not a coward like the writers were and I will honour Spencer the way he was intended to)
HERE you can read pt. I, I do recommend it to have context and all but do whatever you want lmao I'm not your mother anyway have fun being completely wrecked like I was while writing this!! also thanks so so MUCH for 400 followers and almost 2k likes on the first part, you guys are the best and I hope you enjoy this fic as a thanks!!<333
ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā
Spencerās never sprung from his bed faster in his life before.
His heart is a jackhammer in his chest, chipping away at his ribs one bone splitter at a time because-
Itās you. In front of his door. And Spencer is so hard it hurts but- he canāt just-
āSpencer?ā
He sucks in a haggard breath, hands reaching up and messing up his hair even more. His thoughts are everywhere and nowhere at once and he just needs to- needs just a moment to-
āUh, yeah, just a second!ā, he calls back, voice scratchy and used from the- the moaning Jesus Christ because he was about to come with your mental image and he somehow, magically, managed to apparently conjure you up in front of his door with his pathetic pining and oh god-
He has to- ugh- has to wash his hands and make it go away and ā
āOkay, Iāll justā¦chill with that weird plant here.ā
An overwhelmed whimper slips past his lips and he just, stands there for at least another five seconds before something in his mind snaps back into place and he rushes to the small, adjacent bathroom of his room.
After he thoroughly washed his hands, his erection has flagged off enough so that itās not the first thing greeting you when he opens the door and thank god for that.
And oh- seeing you after doing that actually knocks the wind out of his lungs because you are just so goddamn lovely it makes Spencer want to do stupid, stupid things like cry or kiss you or spontaneously combust into a million pieces.
For once, he does something okay-ishly sensible though.
āHi.ā
You look at him, one eyebrow raised in amusement or scepticism, he doesnāt know for sure. Your eyes hold mirthful sparkles in them when he finally manages to meet your gaze, so he settles for the former of the two options.
Youāre not wearing your work clothes anymore. Rather, you went for a cozy looking, oversized sweater and funkily patterned leggings. Your fashion sense outside of work always reminded Spencer of Penelopeās.
āHi to yourselfā, you chuckle, āCan I come in or are you too busy reading ten books at once?ā
Spencer feels himself flush under your gentle teasing.
āOnly seven books. But, yes, of course you can come in.ā
He turns out of the way, creating room for you to pass him into his room. As soon as you are inside, you donāt hesitate to jump onto his bed and flop on your back with your arms spread wide.
Spencerās breath hitches and he has to do some very extensive mental gymnastics to supress all the inappropriate thoughts from escaping the box he banished them into. Controlling his bodyās response to seeing you in the same bed he was just jacking off in isā¦ a different story. He pulls down the hem of his shirt as discreetly as possible, as he takes a seat next to you. Making sure that there is not too much distance between you two as to raise any suspicion and make it obvious heās trying to get some distance between you, but also enough space so that he isnāt enticed to do anything unwise. Like, reach out and feel your warmth underneath his fingers. Or the softness of your skin. Or anything else really.
The more seconds tick by in which neither of you say anything, the more nervous Spencer becomes. He starts fiddling around with his fingers, aborting more than one move to steal a glance at your face to see what youāre thinking.
āSpencerā, you then finally say, voice kind of pout-y and if that didnāt make Spencer whip his head around to face you, the next thing you say for sure does. āDo you hate me?ā
āWha-ā, he sputters your name, āNo- no! Of course, I donāt- whe- why would you think that?ā
You let out an exasperated groan, moving around until you are lying on your side, head propped up on your arm and frowning up at him. āBecause youāve been acting hella weird these last few days and you wonāt tell me whyyyyā, you drag out the last syllable, pout on your lips and Spencer has to look up at the ceiling or else heās just going to confess everything without second thought and that will definitely not happen.
āI havenāt been acting weird, really, I donāt know what youāre talking about.ā
You remain silent again and Spencer feels the judging glare you send his way without having to look at you. Yes, he has been acting weird, he knows that, but you can never ever know the reason why tha-
āIs it because you saw my nudes?ā
Spencer almost breaks his neck with how fast he whips his head down to look at you again. A strangled noise escapes him without permission and what. What.
āBecause, that would actually explain so much, especially the way youāve been acting and really, thatās probably on me because Iāve always been telling myself to put them behind a password block but I somehow always manage to forget that because apparently I have only one braincell left thatās stuck spinning on the deep-fried version of Funky Town and well, I guess Iām glad it was you that found them and not someone else and-ā
āWhat? No, no, I didnāt- What- thatās not- what-ā, Spencer cuts off your rambling with a horrified, screeched version of a protest because how- how could you have guessed whatās going on with just one try? Is Spencer so- so absolutely besotted with you that heās so obvious? Spencer is so very confused and overwhelmed with whatever the hell is going on, he kind of misses the slight twitching of your mouth.
āCome on, Spencer. I said itās fine and basically my own fault. Uh- well, actuallyā¦ sorry. Because, well, thatās probably not very work-appropriateā¦ I will pay for your therapy session, just send me the bill.ā
Spencer thought heād reached the limits of confusion seconds ago but apparently, he hadnāt. What. What are you even saying?
āTherapy sessions?ā
You just- ignore him.
āOh, also, please donāt tell Hotch? Heāll be pissed, despite me literally just doing hot-girl shit, yāknow-ā
Oh, Spencer cannot take it anymore.
He says your name and, āStop, please, please, just-ā
You snap your mouth shut, pulling your lips between your teeth and Spencer definitely doesnāt miss the way you have to force your mouth to stay still this time.
āAre you- is this a joke?ā, Spencer asks, frazzled and desperate and so confused he just wants to bury his head under the duvet and never come out again. Because if you donāt actually know but- are just joking around, oh Spencer is overwhelmed, alright.
Your expression changes into something panicked then. āNo, no, Spencer, sorry. Iām- sorry. Of course Iām not joking, Iām so sorry. Itās just a little bit too easy to tease you. Sorry.ā You actually look apologetic now, lips downturned and frowning slightly.
āNot joking- soā¦ so, you know?ā, thereās something big and anxious pressing inside of Spencerās chest. The urge to hide away and never face daylight again intensifies tenfold. Heās flushing before he realizes, hands trembling and breathing a bit too fast to be considered normal. Oh god, you know, you actually know, youāre going to- youāre never going to speak with him again you are probably here to tell him how weird and- and-
You mustāve noticed the frenzy he is thinking himself into, because you reach out with one hand and gently nudge his thigh with one knuckle. āSpencerā, you say, voice serious and steady and not the slightest bit disgusted or harsh and it snaps him out of his anxiety spiral.
āI knew the second I walked back into that room after you basically fled the precinct. I am, really, genuinely, sorry for making you uncomfortable. Like, it wasnāt actually my intention for you to see them. And then, after I realized whatā¦ I just wanted to wait and see what youād do, if you came to talk to me or, wellā¦ā
You sigh, the hand that nudged him ruffling through your hair.
āI didnāt handle this situation very well. Iām really sorry. Soā¦ ā, you trail off, scrunching your nose in that adorable way of yours that makes Spencer want to kiss it until it scrunches even further because youād laugh and try to fight him off.
āWe can just- forget about this. Forget that it ever happened, or-ā, you hesitate again.
Spencer feels suddenly breathless. Like he stands in front of a cliff face, seconds before taking the step to send himself careening towards something immeasurably great or devastatingly fatal.
āOrā¦?ā, he breathes, voice small and unsure.
You meet his eyes again after what feels like hours. Thereās something intense in them, burning, and itās like an electric shock to Spencerās system. Heād give anything for you to keep looking at him like that forever.
āOrā, your hand returns to his thigh, but this time you let your fingers travel along the shape of it and Spencer whimpers. The burning in your eyes intensifies and Spencer feels hot, suddenly, so hot heās burning with it. āOr we can do something else.ā
āSomething else?ā, Spencer basically croaks because his throat is so dry and itās difficult for his body to function properly when you are touching him like that.
You hum in agreement. āWhatever you want. You can tell m-ā
āYou.ā
You look a bit startled when he cuts you off with that one, desperate syllable. Startled but also endlessly amused and Spencer just- his mind is apparently turned off, what the-
You laugh quietly, and your eyes soften, and it does something to Spencer that leaves an ach-y feeling in his chest. Oh, he loves you so much he canāt take it.
āSure. You can have meā, you say simply, as if itās the easiest thing in the world for you to admit, āTell me what exactly you want, because Iād give you the world if you asked.ā
And suddenly thereās hot pressure behind Spencerās eyes, at the back of his throat. Youāre just- just- amazing and so lovely and so kind to him, no one has ever said something like that to him, he doesnāt know how to handle it.
Spencer blinks up to the ceiling, desperately willing these stupid unwelcome tears away because crying about you treating him kindly is so on the bottom of the list of acting casual about this, so he rather feels than sees you sitting up next to him. Your hand slips from his legs and he feels the loss of your touch as if someone sucked the marrow from his bones. Before he can say something embarrassing like āplease touch me againā he feels your hand covering his. It fills him with a heady kind of courage.
āI wantā¦ā, Spencer starts, feeling entirely too uncomfortable with having to state his deepest and darkest desires. Thereās the old familiar urge to start picking at his nails nagging at him, but you just interlace your fingers with his and start tracing random patterns into the skin there with your thumb. Spencer melts against you and tenses up at the same time because itās just so- so nice. It feels so nice and Spencer never thought heād ever get to have things like that with you but youāre here. Youāre here, with him, and basically offering Spencer the entire world on a silver platter but itās still so so unfathomably difficult just saying what he so badly wants.
āYou wantā¦?ā, you hum slightly, voice soft and so tender as you continue painting patterns on his skin and Spencer would literally die for you. And thatās the entire problem. Spencer doesnāt know if youād do the same. Well. Maybe not die die for him but. He canāt just sleep with you, and it not meaning anything to you. It would kill him. It would kill him, if after you give him tenderness and pleasure and acceptance in a way heās never dreamed of receiving, you would go back to normal. Always politely distanced, close, but never close enough and it already twists his chest just thinking of that possibility.
āI just-ā, he tries again, but when the words are stuck in his throat, sticky molten sugar that tastes like bile and fear, he pulls out of your grip and buries his face in his hands. Heās so bad at this. Heās the worst. No wonder heās never had- had something like Morgan has, one night stand after one night stand (not that he particularly wants that, god no, but just-) because Spencer is just so bad at spilling all of the things that plague his gut and keep his thoughts in overdrive at night. No wonder heās never even had a girlfriend or boyfriend before.
āHey, hey, Spencerā, he feels your hands cupping his own, still over his face. Not taking them away, but just ā there. āItās alright, penguin, we can always come back to this another time. Iāll wait.ā
Spencerās face crumples and his breath hitches a little because- penguin. Thatās the frankly ridiculous nickname youāve been using for him ever since he apparently once looked like one, with that white scarf and knee-length black coat he wore during one of your cases where a blizzard surprised not only the team, but also the unsub. Spencer, like most of you, wasnāt prepared and thus, had to make do with what the helpful officers provided them with. And well, Spencer drew the penguin stick it seemed.
Itās ridiculous but sweet and it always makes him feel so loved, loved by you, because itās adorable and theirs and he just loves it irrationally much, okay? And also, penguins are just really fascinating because-
āDid you know that most penguins live monogamously? The Emperor penguin is actually one of the only ones that mate seasonally, they only have one mate per breeding season. But most others have a mate for life, like, like swans and bald eagles.ā
Before Spencer even opened his mouth, he was aware of the fact he was going to ramble on about some unimportant stuff. Itās always like this, it always feels like a breath heās been holding in for too long, like an itch somewhere in his weird brain that only stops when he opens his mouth and infodumps and he cannot stop it. No matter how consciously he is telling himself to cut it out or screaming at himself to shut the fuck up you weirdo, itās unavoidable. As soon as his brain latches onto a statistic or a fact it is reminded of, itās an unstoppable force.
Like now. He is kicking himself. Why, oh why canāt he ever be normal? He feels himself flushing bright red from embarrassment and shame and frustration. He canāt believe he is rambling about birds while- while whatever the hell you two are doing right now. While in the middle of a conversation that started out with you confronting him about him seeing your nudes, jesus christ.
Spencer is about to suffocate himself with a pillow when you let out a graceless snort.
It confuses Spencer so much he lowers his hands to look at you and- oh.
Your eyes are shining with something that looks so close to what he would call affection, and it makes him want to bawl his eyes out and at the same time, smile so hard thereāll be laugh lines on his cheeks for the rest of the week.
āWell, that fits perfectly thenā, you say, and Spencer doesnāt understand.
āWhat do you mean?ā
You smile just a little wider, a little more teasingly but in a nice way, in a kind way and it leaves Spencerās chest blooming with warmth.
āIf youāre my penguin, Iāll be your penguin.ā
Youryouryouryouryour-
Spencer feels entirely braindead. Only the fact that you called him yours registers. Because yes. Yes. Spencer is so yours heād gladly let you make every decision for him from now on in his life and yes. Thatās not exactly a very normal thing to think. Or to want. Spencer doesnāt care. Heās never felt normal about you for a day in his life and he definitely wonāt start now.
āYou- you mean- like, as, as mates?ā
You scrunch your nose in disgust. āIf you want to call us that, I think Iāll take back my offer.ā
It punches a giggle out of Spencer, sudden and kind of light-headed. He watches your face break into a wide grin.
āBut you- youād like that?ā Youād like me?
You pull a face, sniffing in a nonchalant way, direct your face to your nails in fake disinterest.
āSure. Whatever.ā
And Spencer canāt help himself. He sobs out a laugh- laughs out a sob or, whatever that weird noise he makes is, because youāre so ridiculous and he loves you more than anything in the world.
You roll your eyes, fondly, shake your head slightly.
āOf course, Spencer. Iād like that very much because I like you a very unnormal amount. Literally. On my knees, crying, screaming etceteraā, you say just like that, smiling just like that.
Spencer feels like heās dreaming. He must be. Thereās no other explanation for it. He just canāt wrap his head around the fact that you could like him. You. Youāre so, so lovely and amazing and you deserve everything good in this world and Spencer is just. Spencer.
āYou- you like me? Me?ā, Spencer canāt hide the incredulous tone that seeps into his questions because you like him?
Thereās no traces of humour in your eyes anymore. Your eyes look painfully honest, face suddenly serious, and it steals Spencerās breath away.
You lean closer to him again, grabbing his hands with yours. Your gaze bores itself into his, intense and steady and he canāt look away. āSpencer. I know itās- I know life has been hard on you for way too long. And that leaves its marks on you. Thatās fine. Itās human. But. You do not deserve any less love because of that, do you understand me? Of course I like you, what isnāt there to like? Youāre kind and funny and sweet and just so- Spencer. Youāre so lovable and it kills me to know that you donāt see how you are so worthy of being loved.ā
Oh.
Oh.
You canāt just- canāt just say things like that and expect him to not cry a little. Canāt expect him to act completely nonchalant and cool about all of this when you say things like that to him. Are you trying to kill him? Because it sure does feel like that.
Spencer is so completely at a loss. He doesnāt know what to say to that- not to mention what to do. How do you always do this? How can you see straight to the hidden, bruised core of him, littered with all these ugly and bad things and. Just. Figure out what to say to strike him exactly there.
It should scare him, being known so deeply. It should, but it doesnāt because itās you. You are warmth and acceptance like his favourite place in front of a fireplace, book in hand and rain gently knocking against windows. You are quiet mornings at work, you are soft rays of sunlight in his hair, you are gentle hands helping you up when you fall and bruise your knees. You are ā
A touch to his cheek startles him. He opens his eyes ā when did he close them? ā to your fingers brushing some stray tears away, so softly as if heās something precious, something to be held delicately. That thought sends new tears spilling down his cheek. He canāt believe this is affecting him so much, so completely he simultaneously feels like he is going to shatter and be stitched back together again.
He never knew he needed this so much.
āSorry for making you cry, penguin. I didnāt think this discussion about my lack of nude etiquette would get this emotionally damagingā, you say, voice hushed in the big silence of the room, a small smile on your lips and eyes so kind.
Spencer snorts, despite himself. This has really been a very bizarre evening. He feels almost drunk on the weirdness of it all, on the rollercoaster that his emotions have ridden all evening. Thatās probably why he does what he does next. Ā
āNeither did I, especially after you interrupted me while I wa-ā
Spencer shuts his mouth so fast he clicks his teeth together, eyes wide and suddenly horrified. He- what-
Why?
Why canāt Spencer ever keep his big mouth shut? Is he completely and utterly insane?
Thereāre alarm bells going off somewhere in Spencerās head and a concerning warmth settling deep in his stomach when your grin takes on a slightly devilish edge, one he knows all too well and. And. Oh. Heās in trouble. So much trouble. Why did he have to say that?
āAfter I interrupted you while?ā, you prompt him, eyes electric and hot and oh god-
Spencer is so dumb. An idiot. Of the highest order. High IQ, where?
āNothingā, he says, voice high-pitched and rushed and he curses himself and his ability to act everything else but nonchalant. Heād be the worst actor of all time.
āSpencer.ā
The tone of your voice rearranges something in his neurons. He can feel himself sit up just that little bit straighter, can feel his mind buzz at the edges. Heās never felt like this before.
He loves it.
āHmm?ā, is all he gets out. Trouble, so much trouble.
Suddenly youāre standing up, away from him and Spencer wants to whine because you should stay there next to him, forever fixed to his side. He doesnāt have to despair long, because you take one of your knees and gently nudge his legs apart with it and okay. Okay. That definitely didnāt just send Spencerās mind reeling. That wasnāt just totally the hottest thing that ever happened to him.
You slot yourself between his legs as if you own that space and. In his humble opinion, you do. You so do. Spencer is willing to give you a map of his entire body and a marker and tell you to please demarcate every part of him you want. Heād give it to you, no questions asked.
He is looking up at you, at your burning eyes that still hold something so soft in them that makes the lump in his throat bigger again. And by god, Spencer just needs to hear you say it again-
āYou like me?ā
You move closer to him, lifting one hand and placing it underneath his chin. Your thumb traces along his jaw and Spencer feels like he is going to burst into a million embarrassed pieces.
āYesā, you say simply, but the way you say it. Spencer canāt help but shiver and exhale shakily. He feels so warm, everywhere. His skin burns where your fingers are touching him. He never wants this to stop.
āYou- You want me?ā
Your hand grips his face a little stronger, your other fingers splaying over and down his throat and thereās a high noise coming from somewhere and thereās goosebumps on his body everywhere and oh, wait- itās him. The noise. Well, how embarrassing but. He doesnāt care. Nope. Not at all.
ā¦Okay maybe a little. His face feels warm, suddenly, warmer than the rest of him and yes. Heās blushing, okay?
āSpencerā, the way you say his name it- god, āI want you. I said it before, but. I will give you anything. Tell me what you want, Spencer, and you will get it from me.ā
Your eyes are so dark and your voice so low and Spencer actually whines and. Heās hard again, so hard, because he didnāt come before and now, heās even more pent-up and his thoughts are a mess, but you havenāt even touched him more than this and heās already so worked up from you just saying these things to him-
āI want youā, Spencer pants, currently finding no other English words in the dictionary of his mind. And well. Emily was right about him. IQ slashed to zero when pretty person do thing.
He watches you take a deep breath, as if to steady yourself, as if this whole thing is affecting you as much as it affects him but thatās- ridiculous. Impossible. Because. Have you seen yourself?
āI know that, Spencer. But what do you want from me? Do you want me to kiss you?ā, you ask, face suddenly so close to his Spencer feels your breath fan over his skin, and he whimpers because yes he wants that wants that- āDo you want me to touch you more?ā, your other hand grabs his side, gentle but just a little bit roughly and Spencer is suddenly vividly reminded of the fact how strong you are and he feels kind of lightheaded-
āDo you want me to fuck you, Spencer?ā
Spencer is going to pass out. And die. And moan and say, āPlease yes yes yesā. Maybe not in that particular order.
āOkay, angel, anything you wantā, you say, smiling softly at him as if heās the best thing in the world and angel. Angel. Angel.
Before heās even started to process you calling him angel, he sees a glint in your eyes, that edge in your smile again and before he knows whatās happening, youāre kissing him.
Youāre kissing him and itās- everything.
Your mouth is soft against his, and Spencerās insides twist and flutter and his brain is kind of lagging behind, but he wants to be closerclosercloser-
Itās so good Spencer completely blanks on everything. Thereās nothing in his mind except the feel of your lips moving against his. Thereās no insecurity, no embarrassment tainting this moment even though this is literally like, only the sixth kiss or so of Spencerās life and he has no idea what he is doing. But itās so good.
A noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper escapes him when you lick into his mouth and Spencerās soul almost leaves his body. He feels you shudder where you are pressed together, chest to chest.
āSpencer, Spencerā, you breathe against his lips, in between wet, hot, kisses. You rub your nose against his, eyes closed.
āHmm?ā, he hums, his voice somewhere in Canada or wherever. His mouth is too busy smiling so wide it hurts, anyways. No time for articulating anything.
āYouāre amazing, Spencer, amazing.ā
And he wants to shake his head, no, because the only one amazing here is you. But itās impossible to disagree with you when your mouth has returned to his in a way that is probably ruining him for anyone else. (Heās okay with that.)
You peck him on the lips once, twice more, before you press your lips against his jaw, exactly where you had your fingers before. Your hands are basically the only thing holding Spencer up in a sitting position, because he feels like molten chocolate in your hands. Muscles apparently forgetting to do their job and well. Who can blame them? Spencer has stopped thinking in proper sentences the moment you had walked into his life, so. Only a matter of time until you broke the rest of him as well.
You kiss his neck and Spencer gasps. Itās really been a hot minute - three years, one hundred, twenty-one days and twenty hours to be exact ā the last time he made out with someone. Everything feels heightened on his heated skin, especially you opening your mouth against him and licking him oh god-
It almost feels like a reward when you gently bite at his skin next. Spencer almost screams.
āSo good, so so good for meā, he hears you whisper into the skin of his neck and this time, Spencer does make a noise. Because yes. He wants that. Be good for you. Thatās the only thing in his fuzzy mind that feels clear, that feels graspable.
He can see your pupils dilate. Can see the wicked lilt to your lips. āYou like being good for me, donāt you, angel?ā
ANGEL. Spencer is nodding his head before he knows he does so. āYes, yes.ā
āFuckā, he hears you breathe against him and itās strange, seeing the effect he has on you. Did really he do that? āI canāt believe how incredible you are, sweetheart.ā
And you need to stop. If you keep calling Spencer these things- heās pretty sure he wonāt survive this. The team would need to find another genius to solve cases with. His cactus Greg would dry out and wilt and die. You and Penelope would need to find another victim to send confusing memes to.
āDid you like my pictures, Spencer?ā, you then ask and thatās so not fair. You canāt just ask him that while heās so utterly in your hands that heās sure heād tell you about every little fantasy heās had about you ever if you asked.
Because Spencer wants to be good, feels that need so deeply in his bones, he nods frantically. āYes, I- I liked them.ā
At the same time the words leave his mouth, something feels wrong. Thereās an ugly thing twisting in his stomach, so unpleasant it momentarily occludes the high-octane bliss-fuzz fogging up his mind.
You notice the shift in mood almost immediately. āWhatās wrong, angel?ā
And well. Itās just- that guilt. Of not saying anything to you about Spencer seeing your nudes, of just ogling you like that without your permission. That wasnāt very good of him. Actually, the opposite. Heās been bad and he hates that. Hates that so severely that thereās suddenly tears on his cheeks and oh no. Thatās mortifying. Who cries before sex? Jesus Christ heās such a virgin it is genuinely embarrassing.
āIām- Iām sorryā, he stutters, a little bit hysterical, creating distance between you, arms slung around himself, āI shouldāve, shouldāve said something, Iām so so sorry, Iām the worst friend and now Iām- Iām crying, oh god, Iām so sorry-ā
āHey, hey hey whoa. Spencer, darling. Penguin. Look at me, please?ā
But he shakes his head. He doesnāt deserve to look at you again. What was he even thinking? He was- so creepy and now- now-
Two warm hands grab his face and then Spencer is looking into your eyes again. He squeezes his own shut, but all that it does is send more tears spilling over his cheeks and heās so fucking stupid-
āBaby, please.ā
Spencer sobs.
Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Thatās the best thing he has ever heard but he doesnāt deserve these things.
āOf course you deserve it, silly gooseā, you say and oh. Heās said that out loud.
Your thumbs brush over his cheeks and Spencer canāt not lean into your touch, despite everything. Because thatās just the way it always is. Heās drawn to your warmth and tenderness like a moon revolves around its planet.
āI thought weād established that it was an accident? And if it was someoneās fault, then mine, because no password, remember?ā
Spencer opens his eyes. The deep affection swimming in yours makes him sob again. Heās a mess. A crying, horny mess and Spencer definitely fucked this up. Why does Spencer always ruin the few good things in his life?
āSpencer, Spencer. Hey. Itās okay, I promise you. We wouldnāt be doing this, if it wasnāt, okay?ā, you kiss his nose. āDo you want to lay down, maybe?ā
He nods, not really thinking clearly. He moves up the bed, under the covers and curls up on his side. He waits for you to get up from the bed, for you to walk over to the door and leave. To say that this was a mistake, he was a mistake. To say that you take back everything you said to him in the last half hour.
Heās not just a little surprised to feel your weight dip the mattress, to feel even more sudden warmth engulf him when you spoon him from behind. You start tracing swirly patterns over the skin of his arm and he feels goosebumps spread all over his body.
Some minutes tick by, you still holding him, when his tears have finally dried up. He doesnāt remember crying so much in one day. Spencer feels miserable.
āDo you still like me?ā, he asks, and yes, itās pathetic and stupid but. He doesnāt care if you never have sex or if youāre not going to be more than his friend now. Because the thought of you not being in his life in any capacity anymore- just no.
He can feel you freeze and take in a sharp breath. āWha- Spencer. Of course, I still like you. I donāt care what we do, I just want to be with you. In any way youāll have me.ā
You sound so understanding and sincere and actually confused about his fear as if youād never even think of not liking him anymore and and and-
And something in him just- snaps. He wants you, needs you so much heās going to die if he doesnāt-
He shuffles and turns in your arms until heās face to face with you. You look at him, eyebrow raised in question but so beautiful and lovely and you still like him-
āI want you so badā, he says and then he presses his lips against yours again.
You respond immediately, low moan escaping you and Spencer is greedy, he wants to hear more, feel more, feel everything with you.
Heās kissing you as if heās going to die if he ever stopped, which, yes, he absolutely would, and you kiss him back as if you canāt live without him. It makes everything become hazy again, like before, and every bad feeling suddenly feels eons away. Like heās underwater, floaty and relaxed. Safe, he feels safe in the way you kiss him and hold him. Like you always do.
You move your kisses to his neck, sucking and biting and Spencer is moaning and moaning and canāt stop and then suddenly, youāre gone, what ā
āSpencer, Spencer, waitā, you pant, out of breath and flushed and he wants to cry again, āSorry, sorry I just-ā
You frame his face in your hands, a little bit roughly. āIām so sorry for making this so hard, youāre being so good for me, but Spencer. Have you done this before?ā
Somewhere in the fog that is his minds, Spencer finds his voice. Itās high and airy but he doesnāt care. āNo, no, I havenāt.ā
He watches you take a deep breath, feels your fingers digging into his skin a little bit more.
āTell me. Do you want this, Spencer?ā, your voice is shaking as if you need to keep yourself in check and Spencer canāt believe heās getting to see you like this.
āYesā, he says because he canāt ever want anything else, and, āPlease make me feel good.ā
You inhale sharply, your grip on his face bordering on painful. āSpencer, youāre incredible, amazing, the best- Iāll make you feel good, okay? Iāll make you feel so good because you deserve it.ā
āYesā, Spencer is not ashamed of how whiny he sounds. No. Heās owning it now. This is his thing now, okay? Heāll gladly be your pathetic wet cat, or whatever the term was that you sometimes use to describe him with. Whatever it even means.
āGoodā, you grin, and then you push on his shoulder hard and heās on his back. And you. Sitting on top of him, thighs on either side of him. Straddling him exactly where he wants you most and he exhales a needy āahā. His hypothesis of liking being manhandled isā¦ yet to be disproven. Heās discovering so many things about himself today.
Pleasure radiates in waves from where youāre passively giving pressure to his hard cock and yeah okay. This is good. Amazing. Heās never felt better. But-
āPlease.ā
āPlease what, angel?ā
āMore?ā
āMore what?ā
Your fingers trailing along his throat and jaw, down his chest and teasing ghost-like over his nipples are not really helpful in finding the right words to what he wants. You take pity on him.
āMore touch?ā
Spencer nods his head, so fast he almost gets dizzy because heās at that point again where everything feels liquid, hazy, a little bit unreal. So, speaking is already quite the task.
You smile at him as if he just solved the most difficult equation. āDoing so good, Spencer. Incredible.ā
He moans. Okay. Another hypothesis to add to his ever-growing list of scientific discoveries today.
āWhere do you want touch, Spencer? Here?ā, thereās hands in his hair. He shakes his head.
āHmmā¦ Here?ā, fingers drawing circles on his chest and yes, that feels nice, so nice but he wants-
āHere?ā, you ground your hips down and jesus-
āYes!ā, Spencer almost chokes on the sound. Pleasure shoots up his spine and he whimpers. āPlease.ā
You exhale shakily, looking flush. āOkay. Because you ask so nicely.ā Thereāre two little taps on his lower stomach through his shirt. āDo you want to take this off first? Or no?ā
The way you give him the chance to say no- the way you respect his autonomy so deeply-
Itās basic human decency, yes, but itās also the hottest thing and Spencer feels so valued and understood and safe that heās not even hesitating when he mutters a quiet yes.
You help him sit up because heās currently not really heir over his body like he usually is. Help his head out of the shirt and thread his arms out. And then, heās half naked in front of you and suddenly, the doubt and insecurity thatāve been so quiet so far are back with a vengeance.
The urge to cover himself is so big itās impossible to stop his arms from wrapping around himself.
Spencer knows heās not ugly. Heās not that bad looking actually. Canāt be too bad if Morgan keeps insisting on calling him pretty boy, even though Spencer sometimes still has the sneaking suspicion that heās teasing him. But his friend wouldnāt be so cruel.
But other people like to be. Pipe-cleaner, leek, straw, big-eyes. Heās heard it all before. He has matured enough and grown into himself so that these things donāt bother him like they used to. But still. Still. These things are arduous to scrub from under his skin.
Your gaze on him though- heās never felt so, cleaned from all of these mean words before. You look- you look reverent while mapping his skin and maybe thatās the reason why he lowers his arms again.
āSpencer. Youāre a dreamā, you say, almost in trance. Almost as if youāre hypnotized by him, and heās flushing. But. Being watched so intently, being admired like that. He feels his dick give an indigent twitch against your clothed core. Another thing for the list.
āSo impatientā, you tut and Spencer flushes more. He thinks heās waited long enough for this. But he doesnāt say that. If you stopped now- he would definitely combust spontaneously.
You lean down, over him. Hands trailing along his sides like you did earlier, but without any clothes between your skin and his. Itās almost too much. And not enough. He feels electrified, where you touch him. His heart is hammering against his ribs so hard you must be able to feel it. His stomach is in knots, fluttery. Heās never felt more alive.
You connect your lips to his throat, placing kiss after kiss along the arched length of it. Follow the same path with your tongue and Spencer whines, curves up against you a little. Everything feels so good Spencer is floating in it.
You shift your attention to his collarbones next, kissing but then gently biting and Spencer feels the indents of your teeth all the way through to his back and he hopes, wants, you to sink them into him so deep theyāll leave marks. So that he carries the evidence of this with him for the rest of this case, so that thereās absolutely no more doubt to who he belongs to. That thought alone makes him whimper, makes him feel that tiny little bit more lost in you.
You start kissing along his chest, down his stomach. Open mouthed, wet kisses and Spencer shivers when the places you put them feel cold after because of your spit. The lower you get, the noisier he becomes and at one point, Spencer wouldāve been embarrassed. Well, he kind of is, but heās also so turned on that the embarrassment doesnāt feel as stifling like usual. Rather, in a weird way, it makes everything hotter, and he does not own enough brain capacity right now to decipher that. But he does add it to the list.
When your face is dangerously close to the waistband of his pyjama, Spencer tenses, holds his breath. Being shirtless is one thing, butā¦ well.
āItās okay, Spencer. We only do as much as you feel comfortable withā, you murmur, giving a small peck to the left of his belly button. You calmingly follow his sides with your hands, smiling at him with so much affection in your eyes that Spencer feels speechless, breathless, until the tension releases his muscles again and he melts into the sheets.
āām justā¦ā, he tries, he really tries so hard to tell you that he wants this more than anything heās ever wanted but that he just feelsā¦ insecure.
You kiss his stomach again. āHow about we only take off the pyjama? For now? If you want to take off your underwear too later, we can still do that.ā
Thatā¦ thatās actually a good idea. So, he nods.
āWords, angel.ā
āYes, yes. Thatās- good.ā
You look so proud of him. āYouāre so good, Spencer. Perfect.ā
He moans embarrassingly loud. He really should be more concerned about this. About how you are basically pulling him apart, thread by thread and he just lets you, willingly. How you know which threads to pull to reduce him to a sweaty mess in what felt like 0.2 seconds.
Thereās a finger dipping beneath the waistband, moving back and forth along the newly exposed skin. Your eyes watch him intently, almost predator-like. A question is in there somewhere as well and Spencer nods again.
You help him lift his hips, help him pull down the pants. Spencer is kind of busy kicking his legs a little to shake them off completely but when he looks back and down himself to where you are hyper-focused on the outline of his cock through the thin fabric he blushes.
Even more when he notices the big, dark blue splotch in front of his underwear. Thatās definitely never happened before. How embarrassing.
When you look up at him again, youāre also flushed. Eyes dark, wide, voice kind of unsteady. āSpencer, Spencer, can I?ā
āPleaseā, and then you palm him with your hand, and it feels so good it takes all of his concentration to not come on the spot. He doesnāt know if heāll survive this until you arrive to the main thing.
Itās not the first time someone has touched him like that, but it is the first time you are doing it, and it already feels better than anything heās ever felt before. Youāre either a wizard or Spencer is just biased because he thinks everything you do is ten times better than the same thing done by someone else.
Probably the first reason.
He has his head angled back, one of his arms thrown over his eyes. If he looked at you now, heās pretty sure, heād come. Visual stimulation on top of physical would probably be the end of him. Itās already too much, just feeling your hand move up and down his dick in various pressures. Almost as if you are testing what he likes best, and Spencer is definitely here for it. Definitely. Heās happy to just let you experiment with him until you know all the different ways to drive him mad with pleasure with just a few moves.
Which, you apparently already figured out, judging by the way Spencer canāt form a single coherent thought anymore. Itās already, so good, so freaking good holy shit, and youāre still not touching him. Still a layer of fabric between your hand and him and he kind of- just-
āTake it off?ā
You still your hand, looking up at him. You look kind of crazed, almost a little pained. It takes two deep breaths for you to process what he just asked, eyes a little unfocused before they fix Spencer to the bed with an intensity that makes him feel unfocused. āYou sure, angel?ā
Spencer literally canāt do anything but nod. You stay in your position for some moments longer, before you sigh out a long breath, mumbling something that suspiciously resembles youāre gonna be the death of me. Spencer misses your warmth on top of him the second you hoist yourself up. Itās kind of crazy and destitute of him. You are literally right there but heās waited for this for so long it feels like heās suffocating without your weight pressing him down. Which is ironic and also, insane.
Your fingers are gentle, when they move under the stretchy fabric of his underwear. Even gentler when they pull down and down and down until Spencer is entirely naked in front of you.
Oh, he feels so exposed. While he has been the recipient of a mediocre hand job before, itās been in his trousers. This is kind of the first time someone sees him naked like that, because school locker rooms and his mother donāt count.
He doesnāt dare look at you. If thereās anything akin to disappointment, not to mention disgust on your face- Spencer probably would have to jump out the window, stat. His gaze is frozen on his cock, steadily leaking precum on his stomach (which, embarrassing). Heās abashedly trying to insert himself into your point of view, tries to imagine what you think about seeing him like this. What you might think about his dick, if itās too short or too thin or if it looks weird, if he shouldāve shaved. If his legs look strange and too gangly now, or if his stomach connects to his pubic area wrong or-
āHoly shitā, you say, and Spencer is too curious for his own damn good sometimes, because he canāt force his gaze to stay away from you.
You look at him- like before. Reverent but more, so much more. He almost feels like a deity, the way you look at him. Someone to be awed by, someone that should be worshipped. Spencer feels his already in overdrive heartbeat quicken even more, blood flushing his cheeks so much it leaks down his throat, to his chest.
Spencer would literally kill to have you look at him like this for the rest of his life.
āHoly shit, Spencerā, you repeat, eyes now meeting his, āYouāre like- a literal fucking dream. I cannot believe- youāre so beautiful, how are you so beautiful everywhere?ā
Spencer whimpers and he needs you to touch him kiss him fuck him anything please now or he will absolutely die from heart palpitations.
Some of his despairing thoughts mustļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ve come through to you, because the next thing you do is moan, which is the best thing heās ever heard. Then, you take off your sweater. Second to go is your cropped tank top and you arenāt wearing a bra and good heavens.
Pictures could never compare. Not even Botticelli couldāve adequately committed you to canvas.
Spencer mustāve taken some brain damage from seeing you half naked. He doesnāt remember you taking off the remainder of your clothes, nor does he remember you straddling him again. But, fuck.
Spencer kind of doesnāt use the f-word that often but-
fuckfuckfuckufuckfkcufuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckcufkc-
Youāre warm against him, and wet, so freaking wet, and it feels so mind-blowingly good- itās a miracle heās still holding on. But-
āWonāt last longā, he gets out, breathy and whiny and just so goddamn fuzzy from pleasure. The world could literally perish right now, and he wouldnāt care. He canāt care, because this is the best thing that ever happened to him and he wonāt ever care about anything else ever again other than feeling you, you you you you, against him.
āSpencer, Spencerā, you breathe, gasp, and fuck, the way you keep using his name. āAre you okay? Do you still want this?ā
Itās ridiculous you even ask. But the warmth in his chest, the feeling of comfort and safety and ease ā because everything with you is so easy, so natural - he feels with the way you look after him-
He feels your thumbs caressing his wet cheeks. You put small, sweet kisses all over his face. Take the time to brush away some of his sweat-sticky hair from his forehead. Place kisses there too. You end with a drawn out, gentle kiss to his lips.
āWhat do you say, sweetheart?ā
Thereās really only one way for him to answer that. He trusts you. Plain and simple. Thereās no one else he could ever do this with.
āYes, I want. Please.ā
You kiss him again. āSo good Spencer, youāre so fucking good to me. I canāt believe you are trusting me with this. You are incredible, angel.ā
Spencer doesnāt know how itās anatomically possible, but he blushes even harder. Also, feels his cock twitch against you because he apparently likes to be called good almost as much as he likes being good. For you. Only you. Jesus Christ.
āDo you have a condom?ā, you ask and ah. Well.
āSuitcaseā, and wow. First word with more than one syllable since you straddled him the first time. Heās being so brave right now. He deserves a medal. Proof of Being Able to Speak Polysyllabic Words While Getting Fucked (Almost).
Thereās humour glistening in your eyes, when you hide a fake gasp behind your hand and say, āOh my god, Spencer you dog. Canāt believe you planned this entire thing.ā
Spencer almost chokes on his own spit. āN-no! I just- uh, like being prepared.ā
You grind down a snort, drive your teeth into your lower lip. āIn case you accidentally saw your coworkerās nudes and them being down to fuck you about it?"
Oh my god, youāre the most ridiculous person heās ever met. He canāt stop himself from grinning because seeing you trying to keep your laughter at bay-
āYes. That.ā
āBut what if- what if it was Rossi instead of you seeing them? How wouldāve your plan worked out then, huh?ā, you wheeze, shaking from literal suppressed laughter and Spencer makes a sound like a dying horse.
āRossi? Rossi?ā
āOh my god, imagine it wouldāve been Hotch. He wouldāve probably fired me so hard and then called me a week later to disappointed-dad-talk me to come back but to please, refrain from bringing personal files to work in the future.ā
Spencer laughs. Heās still rock-hard underneath you, but heās laughing because thatās what you always do. Being so absurd and silly that heās shocked to laughter.
He adores you with every fibre of his being.
āWhat the fuck?ā, you ask, incredulous but laughing yourself, āIs my misery amusing to you?ā
And Spencer feels like being a little bit of a brat. āVery.ā
You flick his nose. Grumble something like Iāll show you misery and then you move your hips against his and Spencer sees stars. Letās out an embarrassingly high whine.
Ah well. It was still worth it.
āDonāt moveā, you order, when you climb down from him to retrieve a condom. Spencer watches you, lets himself look at you. All the times heās wondered how it would be, how it would feel like, being in this kind of situation with you. Heās never in a million years thought it would feel so familiar. Like youāve done this before, so many times that itās just become something normal between you two. Heās actually relaxed. So turned on it feels like heās going to burst any second, but heās calm. He feels comfortable, so much so that it doesnāt even matter that itās the first time heās doing this and heās so clueless about all of this.
But he knows, if itās with you, he never ever has to worry about anything.
āDo you have lube as well?ā, you ask, rifling through his suitcase and distracting him from his sappy thoughts.
āHmm. No, Iām sorry.ā
āDonāt be, angelā, you say while returning to Spencer, and the nickname kind of switches something off again in his brain. Perfect. Heās never going to be able to be normal again about that word.
āWeāll have to get some, for next time. Always feels better with it.ā
Spencer hasnāt really registered more than next time next time next time-
Heās pulled out of his daze of knowing your intentions of this not only being a one-off thing, when you straddle him again, a bit lower on his legs. Spencer moans, loud and high, when you grab him by the base and god, fuck, his skin is tingling with anticipation.
With your other hand, you grab the condom and then use your teeth to open the packet, and his cock jumps in your hand. How are you so hot. How does everything you do turn him on so much, what.
He watches you take out the plastic ring as if heās watching from above, out of his body. He watches as you position the condom over his tip and then pull it down, down and Spencerās brain must be lagging because he feels everything with at least a two second delay and shit, god, son of a-
āYou ready, baby?ā
He makes a noise between a sob and a whine. Heās losing his mind. āPlease please please-ā
āFuck, Spencerā, you whine, lift yourself up a bit with your legs and then you are sinking down on him, inch by agonizing inch.
Itās so good, itās so good, you are so warm, so hot, and Spencer canāt stop making noises until your hips are flush to his and heās inside you.
You let out a loud, drawn-out moan above him. āFuck, fuck, Spencer. You feel so fucking good, holy shit.ā
He feels like heās one move away from coming. God, oh god, it feels so incredible.
āCan I move? Spencer, please?ā, your voice is wrecked, youāre flushed down to your navel, and youāre the best thing heās ever seen.
āPlease please please pleaseā, itās the only word he remembers how to pronounce.
āFuckā, you almost sob, lifting yourself almost completely off him. You lower yourself back down again, one swift move, and you both moan.
You pick up the pace a little, fucking him with still languid but purposeful thrusts. Every time his cock sinks back into you, Spencer feels bits and pieces of his sanity crumbling away. He canāt think, canāt speak, his mind so fogged up and fuzzy heās having troubles remembering who he is. Heās so completely at your mercy heād let you do anything to him.
That turns him on a worryingly huge amount. List, something about a list somewhere.
āOh, god, look at you. Spencer, baby, angel. You feel so good inside of me, so good.ā
He keens, grabs at your strong thighs bracketing his slim hips. Arches up into you, closerclosercloser-
āYou like being good for me, right angel?ā, you ask, hips slowing down to a gentle grinding that absolutely drives Spencer insane and heās too far gone to even nod, āIt suits you. Being so wrecked for me, moaning and shaking. God, fuck, youāre divine, Spencer, fuck.ā
The pressure behind his cock, low in his stomach, thatās been building all evening, all week, holy shit, itās too much. Spencer feels delirious, feels your hotness around him, feels your hands pressing his chest down into the bed. Heās going to die it feels so good.
āYou going to come for me, Spencer? You gonna be good for me and come inside of me?ā
Please please please please- itās all he can think, all he can feel, because because-
You give a particularly hard thrust and-
Spencerās coming, moaning and moaning, shaking everywhere. Heās coming and it feels so good, so fucking good. Heās never come so hard in his life before.
He might have blacked out a little. The next time heās aware of something, itās you cleaning him with a wet washcloth. Slow, and gentle and Jesus.
āWhat?ā, is the first thing he manages to say, and you snicker beside him. You caress his face, hand running through his hair, down his chest. Peck his lips. Youāre both still naked.
āFeeling good?ā, you ask and what kind of question even is that. You just fucked the soul from his body, and you ask him-
āI almost diedā, he says, tagging your name at the end with an incredulous tint to it.
You snort, setting the washcloth on the nightstand behind you. You lie down close to him, cuddling into his side. āThat was the plan.ā
āKilling me with sex?ā
āYep. Thatās for ogling my nudes without my permission, you creep.ā
He says your name again, exasperated but so fucking fond itās a miracle youāve never noticed his pining before. You shrug, pull a āwhat can you do faceā. Spencer rolls his eyes and then, unceremoniously, flops on top of you.
āUffffā, you press out. āYouāre smothering me, penguin.ā
Spencer shrugs and copies the expression you just did. You bark out a laugh.
āHa! Didnāt know post-sex Spencer is such a cheeky little shit. Iāve created a monster.ā
He canāt entirely control his face, some parts of a smile slipping into his features. He does manage to poke out his tongue at you though, before he buries his face in your neck.
Some minutes tick by, you both enjoying the otherās presence and warmth and idleness, before something in his brain-
āWait-ā, Spencer splutters, pushing himself away from you so that he can look at you. āDid you- did you even finish?ā
Heās kind of horrified. He was so focused on his pleasure- he- how did he forget? He doesnāt remember you coming and oh no, heās such an asshole, who doesnāt make sure the other person has come as well and-
āSpencer, Spencerā, you shush him, fingers trailing along his back, and he shivers, eyes rolling back.
āI made myself come right after, donāt worry. You were kind of busy in your post-orgasm, pussy-drunk coma.ā
Spencer flushes. āBut I wanted toā¦ā
You laugh softly. āYou can do whatever to me, next time, sweets. This was about you. Weāll go on a date as soon as weāre back home. Fucking Florida is driving me nuts.ā
Oh, he suddenly feels shy. A date? You want to go on a date with him?
āReally?ā, he asks, and he hates how insecure he sounds.
You send him an unbelieving look. āUh, what about the last hour makes you think otherwise? Seriously, Spencer, we need to work on your confidence.ā
āOkayā, he mutters, a little bit pout-y and you scoff, pulling him down on top of your chest again.
There, with your hands painting patterns on his back and him completely lost in your warmth and familiarity, Spencer thinks that maybe, Florida isnāt that bad.
--
Bonus
āSo, then. Made any scientific discoveries last night, pretty boy?ā
Spencer chokes on his coffee.
āWhat?ā
āNothingā, his āfriendā says, smirking and leaning against his table, āYou just seem to have figured out that little problem thatās been keeping that pretty head of yours all messed up.ā
Spencer feels himself flush. Stupid body and stupid involuntary, physiological reactions. Morgan picks up on it, of course.
āOhhhhh, want to share with the class what those discoveries were?ā
Briefly, so very briefly, Spencer thinks of his self-compiled list but- no no no no.
āShut up, Morgan.ā
ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā
tags: @sebastiansstanswhore @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @wasitforrevenge @wannabewolf @tommorecommendedfics @winterhi09 @theoraekenslover @chaewondrful @okeyhoezayy @busy-buzzing @laurakirsten0502 @redros3y @trashxqueen @kitty-kei @so-long-daisymay @hayleythecannibal @jsnsnsnszjzj @reeidsluv @kayane28 @moonysreid @desperately-seeking-serotonin @munsonslunchbox @tul1p-mimi @anuttellaa @pinkgomie @elizabethmidnight2017 @evrmorets @cyanidebitsg @bangchansdog @pinterestwhore145 @some-one-yiu-dont-kno @emma-e-a
i hope these work lmao, also let me know if you wanna be on my eternal tag list for any future Spencer fic ;)
#tinywrites#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader fanfic#criminal minds smut#spencer reid x reader smut#spencer reid x y/n#tinywrites:accidents#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fic#criminal minds x reader
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God's TV- DC x DP prompt
Accidentally summoning a god from another dimension can happen, especially when cults are involved. However, no can could predict that the not only was the god a teenage boy but also a very bored teenage boy who didn't want to leave.
So he stayed and moved into Titans tower.
Danny is helpful (when he wants to be) but rarely goes out on missions. He says they are boring and nothing is dangerous enough to exert the effort. Instead, he minds the medical bay. Having a healer more than made up for the lack of help.
It's not like anyone disliked Danny or thought he didn't do anything it was just that he was unpredictable. Danny could be nice, considerate, and even sweet if he was working in the medbay. He could also be a pain in the ass anywhere else. He loved pranks and scaring people with his powers. He was harmless though.
No one really knew what he did all day. He was usually in his room doing something they guested. Said room was an anomaly. It was larger on the inside having been made into a pocket dimension. The appearance and organization of the room changed every time you went in.
It was after one mission that the team learned what was in the room.
A rogue had used their invention to erase Superboy's memories and they didn't know what to do. They took him to Danny who was currently rearranging the medicine by color. They hoped that his powers covered mind-altering afflictions. Unfortunately, Danny couldn't wave a hand and fix this.
Instead, Danny took the group to his room. The decor was neon Tokyo meets space right now. The furniture was currently floating and almost hitting Wonder Girl in the head with an end table. Of course, there was no gravity here.
"Stay here while I grab it," Danny said flying up the vertical corridor.
While he was gone the room rearranged itself into a contemporary format. The furniture grounded itself and shifted into a normal living room.
Danny returned with a cart and a headset. He placed a card he pulled out of the cart into the headset and put it on the dazed Superboy's head.
"Wait what is that?" Tim asked.
"It's his memories. I kept a backup in case this happened." Danny shrugged.
Immediately everyone began asking what the hell does that mean and why does he have that.
"Oh please, this dimension has this happened all the time. Amnesia is so clichƩ and cheap. I saw a pattern and decided the easiest way to prevent you from losing the entirety of your lives was to make save states of your memories." Danny said matter of fact.
Robin pinched the bridge of his nose.
Impulse studied the rack of cases and looking for the card with his name on it.
Wondergirl sighed, she was used to this from Robin but even he wouldn't go this far.
"What? It's not like just anyone can find these. Only you can access your own memories anyways. I just decided to repurpose my RE:Viewer." Danny pouted.
"What is a reviewer?" Wally asked flipping through the cases. Each one had titles like moves or shows with an arrangement of stickers.
"The RE:Viewer is something I created to catalog things I've seen looking into other dimensions. I don't have an infinite memory you know. But the longer I have my title the more I'll lose touch with my mortality. These things help me stay close to people by giving me the chance to remember how it feels. I also have been using them to get the stories of others. Keeping their experiences like you'd keep a TV show or movie. So many stories could have been lost to time but now they are saved. I use them to teach myself." Danny smiled.
The concept genuinely sounded interesting. Like experiencing a movie in 4d.
It had been 3 minutes before Kon took off the headset and back to his old self.
Danny pulled the input card out and it disappeared into another realm with a flick of the wrist. Danny was completely honest that the copies were inaccessible to everyone but him.
"You feeling alright Superboy? Your memory should be backed up until a week ago." Danny said shining a light in his eye.
"I'm fine. I think. What happened?" Kon asked batting the light out of his eyes.
"Explanation later. Take a nap first. You aren't concussed at least." Danny informed.
"What are the stickers for?" Wally said pointing at the rainbow of colors the card cases had.
"Just the emotions associated with the experiences. Orange is comedy, red is action, pink is romance, and blue is tragedy." Danny listed. "That one with the pink is one of my favorites. I meddled a bit in that world. Two people who had never met fell in love at two points at different times. One of them was doomed to die but I worked my magic on a mirror that allowed them to meet once. They shared notes left in different places for the other months ahead. Makes you believe in true love. A real tear-jerker."
"What about the black stickers?" Wally asked.
"Don't touch the black ones," Danny said darkly, smacking his hand away. "You don't need to know about those. I don't like thinking about them."
"So you just take the memories of others and put them inside your machine to replay later?" Batgirl asked. "Isn't that kind of wrong?"
"No, I asked permission. I usually pull them aside at some point and ask. If it's my memories (that's the green stickers) I don't need to. The rainbow ones are simulations. Like a video games." Danny responded patting her on the back for not being to hard on him about this admittedly weird situation.
"So what's the black one with the rainbow sticker?" Wally asked picking up the case that was obviously stuffed in the back.
"STOP TOUCHING THOSE!" Danny yelled pulling him away.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#dc x dp prompt#dp x dc prompt#danny fenton#danny phantom#young justice#batgirl#superboy#wonder girl#red robin#dc robin#tim drake#dc impulse#wally west
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.
#tag talk#kind of morose rn. I wish kind wasn't functionally the same as trusting.#I wish trusting wasn't the same as gullible#I wish gullible weren't the same as stupid#I know so clearly that lies are easy to tell. and yet I know that in order to live freely I need to choose to believe sometimes#and this is one of those times I knew would happen. the inevitable failure that walks hand in hand with trying#and I will try again. because failure is a chance but not a guaranteed outcome. but it's annoying. it's exhausting.#this is about getting stood up twice in one night. in case you thought something actually important happened. nothing big. but annoying#annoying when you put out your genuine self as the best way to attract authenticity in others and instead it's played with#and I guess I should have looked for more ahead of time. demanded reciprocal honesty instead of simply trusting things would work out#trust but verify.#I just. I don't have a cynical bone in my body. I've had to learn all this#and I rephrase stories to make myself sound cleverer than I really am because I can think of a million witty retorts an hour later#but in the moment I'm just naive and trusting and over messaging it's so easy to take advantage of that#and I can't even report them for the undoubtedly stolen pics they baited me with because they block as soon as the game is up#oh well. live and learn and take away the experience and use it for something#I did meet a dude who actually plays age of empires so that's fucking sick.#got stood up twice. but met two actually cool people so it works out maybe. we'll see what happens.#I just- bruh how hard is it to get some good dick in this town?#anyway. I had a nice walk around the park while I waited. found a gravel hill with a hollow on the top and waited there to escape the wind#it was actually a really nice time at the park aside from the social circumstances
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