#will i ever find joy in life ever again
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random things i have saved in my phone that make me think of aot because im trying so hard to cope and not be miserable about this show currently
#will i ever find joy in life ever again#yes i will its called restarting aot from the beginning and stopping when they get to the ocean#attack on titan#aot#shinjeki no kyojin#snk#eren jeager#eren yeager#levi ackerman#connie springer#zeke yeager#zeke jeager#reiner braun#sasha braus#attack on titan final episode
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Magnificent Century Rewatch: One Picspam per Episode
Episode 17: The Double Joy
-My dear mother used to say "walk barefoot on earth and it shall take away all your troubles and sorrows, earth shall give you happiness and joy"
-Your mother spoke well, one can only find peace in earth. But I'm not sure if it is on earth or in it.
#the quote is a little bit silly but it adquires seriousness when you know everything that comes later#especially because it's hurrem's mother's quote from when she lived in ruthenia. when peace was possible. when she was going to marry leo#and had her future all planned. and there was stability#but the joke is suleyman's. after all becoming part of his family is what brings that ambiguity to the quote for hurrem's story#as it could be argued she never found true peace. at least for the most of her life#but also suleyman speaks in general terms here. so the quote can be extended to all the characters and in this episode of double joy it's#even more significant. because peace it's going to go sooner than later. and the signals of future ibratice problems are already there#and just as the birds are partly symbolic of that temporal peace and joy in love for hurrem the gifts the marriage gets are very important#as well#this episode is just gifts gifts gifts all around#suleyman's necklace for hatice has the tulips of the dynasty and it's something ibrahim himself recognizes could never give her#she says she's always going to have it w her. tho i don't remember seeing it too much in her tbh sdfy#in the other side ibrahim gets a lot of gifts. but the one that reminds him of his origin is his father's ofc. and he says he will always#have it with him as well. and later he gets suleyman's ring [i'm w haticehurrem. this totally looks like a subrahim wedding asfg]#which goes to remind us that he's now officially part of his family as well. he returned but he converted again. and THEN there's the table!#and taking away the politic alliance it could signify. it is venetian. his mother's heritage is there. in all the palace. and in the same#episode hurrem mentioned her mother's saying. the dynasty [or at least the most conservative side represented by ayse] it's unconfortable#the converts are not only winning more power and getting closer to the family. but they're also bringing their cultures & traditions to the#*ba dum tss* table#there's more to the whole return/convert and how it shows in the ibratice palace especially later w the statues but if i ever write about it#it deserves a post of its own ofc [and prolly someone that knows what they're talking about more than me lmao]#noo why did i write so much 😭 i should've done a separate post this is a mess to be under an already long picspam#anyways there's other significant gifts as the clock that musti likes or mahi's lucky charm for selim. and also the ones we already knew:#the ibratice gifts together 💝. and these contrast a lot with the rest because it's something of their own. when the couple was separated#from dynastic or even ibro's family. will they ever find peace again? we'll see it in the next episode [i'm lying]#maybe i should organize this in a post of its own#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil#mc1picspam4episode
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i think an incredibly funny part of the aiichi dynamic is that at least one of them has to be traumatized and/or possess incredible worldly exhaustion in order to even consider the other as a romantic love interest
like they need to go through decades and time loops of war and hopelessness and death and destruction in order to be like huh maybe this guy isn't so bad
of course this doesnt go for every fic (academy blues my beloved) but. a lot of them do and it's SO funny
#aiichi#and the award for the worst ship ever is.......#aiichi and monipai are like the two ships you would not catch me DEAD admitting i like in real life#i cant imagine how it is for the shippers on twitter dawg#the p*do accusations must be absolutely insane on there#like no!! im not into the super seme rich sugar daddy aizen and innocent baby uke ichigo dynamic!! that's weird!!#but them being besties after fighting for their lives together and learning to depend on each other#and aizen being fond of ichigo but trying to pretend he's not because mwahaha he's so evil and above it all#and ichigo not trusting aizen but finding himself rooting for aizen and discovering he's not bad company#like. cmon#and if it's in canon then ichigo being a true punk and siding with aizen because fuck soul society's cringe ass hierarchy#(academy blues my beloved)#i should read it again tbh#and forever with you never sounded so stupid#ahhh but it should be reserved for like a once every 5 years thing so that i totally forget everything#and can relive the absolute joy that is that fic series#bleach
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sorry this just turned into complaining in tags. you don't have to expand all that i prommy.
#i have to develop an INTEREST or SOMETHING#jaerambles#god i just. something stressful is happening irl and i need a break from it but i'm in a loop bc i don't have anything else for my brain#i'm sorry this isn't a request for suggestions i'm having a really hard time with like finishing things and i don't want to#create an expectation DHGSDIFOSDH if that makes sense. i have been very listless when it comes to finding joy and i Know Why#it's just frustrating that i'm i guess like this forever and ever.#i've also been really busy so no oc stuff or any original thoughts i've just been. passing my time until i have to go to work again#i shouldn't be trying this hard i know. but i wish it came naturally.#i was talking with a coworker about not having a lot of friends on island and i was like. well outside of work#i only talk to my family and dm like 2 people. i don't frequently hang out with anyone.#there's a lot going on in my Fucking Brain and i can't even get distracted properly#there HAS to be more to life than just going to work and being tired from work. there HAS to be something#(my ocs rotting in the corner) (untouched hobbies gathering dust)
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My God. Does anyone knows when it stops hurting. Does anyone know how to stop feeling like this.
#I can't even talk about it#I've TRIED to talk about it but nobody FUCKING UNDERSTANDS#you do not know what it is like to have this particular life experience and have it impact every GODDAMN THING that you do#I try to scream about it into the void to MAYBE find other people but no one listens. I try to explain things so that it can make sense#from a logical standpoint but I can't ever make it translate.#I have people I love and people I trust and I am still so fucking alone#GOD and my birthday's tomorrow and I am once again reminded of the passage of time and how I haven't done anything with my life#and how I haven't had a single fucking '''normative''' experience. yeah yeah you shouldn't care TOO BAD--I DO#I care so much. too much. about everything. and that means that literally every single thing in my life is impossible.#and then everything in this country is about to go completely to hell in like 3 weeks which means that I'm gonna be fighting for basic#survival. and I told myself I was at least going to get things done before then. but. well. the past three weeks happened.#genuinely I might become an alcoholic about this I don't know how I can make it through another year otherwise#tw: alcohol#tw: suicidal ideation#tw: current events#In the Vents#*sigh* maybe I can get Cheap Fast Food Breakfast#maybe that will bring me enough temporary joy to make it through the next few hours#and then maybe I play Farming Game again. or watch an anime abridged series#or do a jigsaw puzzle#because I don't think I can do anything creative right now. it's just not there. which SUUUUUUUUUCKS. I'm so tired man.#I want to be a fish. or an amorphous cloud. or at least a completely different person. maybe a better one. or someone more worthy of love.#but I'll take just about ANY kind of different at this point short of being a straight-up asshole
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like I’ve been generally fine in my teenage years (no more unhappier than from the average dose of teen angst) but man do I miss the excitement I’d get from those fantasy Geronimo Stilton books
#like my worldview on life was so different then#Obv it was Pri school so it was more chill (I was arguably too chill and messed up my psle)#But you know what I’m actually so fine w that! I’m happy that at least in some point in my life studies weren’t hanging over my head#Like a guillotine#And I would find so much joy in the little things like hell yeah new book!!!#because a part of me feels like I’m never going to feel that undiluted childlike joy ever again#And I’ve killed myself so much on every exam since#baby me deserved to have a little happiness in her life#I still think 12 is way too young for the first major board exam#Esp one so heavily surrounded by stigmas/reputation/prestige of the school you get into#like you’re setting a child up for the rest of their life and they’re not even a teen yet#thankfully it’s gotten a lot better (in terms of tangible change in sg societys mindset)#but god was it brutal for me in 2018/2019#anyways trip down memory lane over heheh
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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..
🏝️🤙🏄🏾♀️🏄🏼♂️💔
#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc#I don’t even want to say their names#if you know you know#purging them from my life has been depressing as hell#I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships#this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw#I’ve genuinely been in mourning#I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me#it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true#my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick#it was awful#but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger#I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons#I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write#I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi#I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh#feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan#she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot#I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did#I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion#but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all#apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today#and I needed to unload a bit#I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly#I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times#take me back to the season 3 hype#THIS is the bad place#personal#laura says things
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WIP Title Game
I was tagged by @riotstarruika!
Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
(I had to censor the one because it's such a specific ship that when it gets anonymously posted for an exchange in a couple of days I don't want everyone to immediately know it's me.)
Tagging @saintmouthed @akallabeth-joie @opens-up-4-nobody @fremedon @everyonewasabird and @riotstarruika again, since it's been so long that you probably have entirely new WIPs by now. XD
#also I drafted this in April but apparently tagging people was too many spoons#so the fic (Favourite/Fantine) is now up#it's technically been written since before posting#but the pacing was annoying me#had a minor breakdown. got therapy. changed jobs. back babyyyyyyyyyyy.#and starting writing again in ... November XD (new job is great but now I have a social life idk man)#tag game#cannot overstate what an absolutely insane state this original tagged post found me in though#I had just driven five hours through the hot SE Asian summer to my old host family's village while listening to Yellowface#and also anxious about a workplace issue#I arrived at my grandma's house and deadass thought “oh no what if they find out I'm white”#y'all it's been seven years I LEARNED [language] with them I AM UNAMBIGUOUSLY WHITE#and then I saw this post and started doing screencaps#and then my brain said “but what if people realize I stole my work from someone else?”#again for SIX YEARS this is literally NOT something I have ever done I have always written my own work#Yellowface had me THAT fucked up#anyway it was a joy Ms Kuang hmu when your latest criticism of an academic institution releases <3#ask game#APPARENTLY
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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man. I genuinely wish all of You nothing but happiness. doesn’t even have to be joy, just peace and contentment
just. so much kindness. You all deserve so much better.
#(lots of personal stuff in the tags)#its been I think nearly 8 years now since I was in a psychiatry for the first time#and like. I don’t remember much from that time#but I do remember how hopeless everything felt#it felt like such a fucking waste of time. like my doom was inevitable#and here I am now#my life is nothing like I thought it would be#it sure as fuck isn’t perfect. I struggle daily#but I can genuinely say I am at a point in life where I have found peace with how things are#and can find joy in small things every day#and that’s closer to paradise than I ever thought I could get#and I know it’ll only get better from here#to add to this: it was NOT a straight line of recovery#I was in a clinic again over new years#but I am here. I have hope. I am genuinely#like#good?#not in the GOOD!!! way but. again. in a sorta. hey this is how it is and I am still worthy and will still find happiness#sorta way#I’m happier than I’ve ever been. GENUINE happiness.#and joy. genuine joy.#and yes my thoughts still try to disagree#but I don’t listen to them anymore. I tell them it’s okay to be scared of the unknown but that we can do it together#anyways this is. way more personal than I ever expected something on this blog to be#just. know there is hope. please.#angel rambles
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whenever I see The Sopranos mentioned anywhere I'm reminded of my storytelling and programming teacher at college. it's one of his favourite shows and he had us analyse an episode in class.
that man gave me the worst anxiety of my life just by being the way he is and it not meshing well with my own issues but I hope he's doing alright nowadays
#in retrospect i can view him more like a fictional character that's written to be konda cold and abrasive on the surface#as protection because of prior challenges in life but has some good qualities hidden deep down#being around him and having to interact with him made me anxious to the point of almost puking my guts out and fainting#and also some crying spells and hyperventilating sessions in the college bathrooms next to the lecture halls on occasion#but thats due to my own trauma not meshing well with his personality and presentation lmao#anyway i hope he's doing okay now and getting recognition for the work he does and finding joy and fulfillment. more than deserved 👍#he's a fucking skilled screenwriter and i hope he gets to work on cool projects without getting scammed by work partners ever again#anyway. like. thinking about him along the lines of 'you made me so fucking mentally ill but i still have some fondness in my heart for you'
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I’m sad, I’ve had a bunch of fun cool ideas sitting in the back of my head since like new years which I wanted to use for rare pair week, but like life has been kicking my ass so I didn’t have time to even start anything and now it’s over :( guess they will just keep living in my head until next year
#this is if I’m also not dying next year… which is unlikely#don’t do what I do. don’t work full time and do school full time. especially when you’re doing a dual graduate degree program. I’m in hell#brain screams#it especially makes me sad cause when I started writing fics in the summer it made me SO happy to be writing again!!!#especially about sailor moon!!! one of my special intrests and fav shows of all time!! it makes my brain SO HAPPY!!!#as I keep telling myself - just cause I don’t make these things now doesn’t mean I can do them in the future. my ideas will still be there#I can write the fics I want and finish the YouRube videos I’ve started. I can make silly little doodles and comics and short animations#I can take my Venus plus on hikes and exploring and to wonderful places!! we can go to museums and cafes and concerts!!#we can go to the ocean and climb mountains and get lost in the forest and get muddy and wet and cold and sit by campfires and climb on logs#I can take my not fully fleshed out idea of using her and my other plushes to make a sort of live action stop motion skit video!!#I want to be creative and free and have fun and live my life and pursue my passions!!#but rn… all i do is work. work and homework and class and homework. until I’m so fatigued I can’t walk and I can’t sleep and I can’t think#to be real watching the anime and having the codename: sailor v and stars arc of the manga is like one of the few things getting me through#when I’m so tired I can’t think I have those as comforts so I’m not sitting on the couch wanting to die#I find so much comfort in existing in the space of this fictional universe and I draw strength from the characters#like sailor moon helping me get through some of the hardest fucking shit I’ve ever done in my life. and helping me remember to love myself#also lowkey helping me fight off my depression and ed and substance abuse issues#I just both get so much joy and comfort from this space but also I feel I owe it so much gratitude for kinda helping me from crumbling#I want to also contribute to this space cause it gives me joy to do so and cause i want to give back and contribute to others joy as well#like it’s a combo of I love this and want to and also as a form of gratitude i want to and also to help others experience joy I want to#but… I don’t have the time or energy now. and if my life keeps going on like this. will I ever? I’ve never let myself slow down.#idk if I ever will :( oh well
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Yesterday I found out some filth that hasn't been active in over a year in a selfship Discord I'm in ships/shipped with my F/O and simply didn't list him in their F/O list (I would have left otherwise) and it made me feel so ill I threw up therefore I will now be writing to you about Yoomtah because yan selfshippers are the only real ones <3
Happy three year anniversary! Yoomtah has been watching you for over 1096 days now, non-stop. She would never ever look away from your face, you're just too precious to her- unless she needs to dispose of someone that tries to get between you two, of course. She has a special database inside her just for you, filled with thousands of pictures of you, all of your favorite things, every little observation she makes about you because she just wants to know everything about you! She needs to know all these facts so she can prepare her home for when she kidnaps you, of course! Yoomtah wants to make sure everything is perfect for you, that your room is filled with perfect decor and your wardrobe is full of clothes you love and that you can play games you like and eat your favorite food. She has to make sure you would never ever want to leave- but she already knows you wouldn't want to, anyway! It will just be the two of you forever and ever and ever!
1. WHO THE HELL IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BELOVED I WILL LITERALLY MURDER THEM OK[AXE EMOJI]
2.
??!!!!!!!!???!?????!?!?!?!!?!!!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?@?@?!?!?@??@?×?@?+?+?+?+?+?+?+?++???+?!!?!!!!?!?!!?!!?!?!?,!?!!,!??!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHWHJWWHEJWJDJJDJSKFJEJFISIOFJDKFJEKFJKDJFJEJWKDKEKDJFKFKGJEJFKGNNDKFJDNGNGNDNDKNFNGNFDHJDFJKSKGKDJFKGFBJSJFNSKFLSNDDNKFKDJFKDBNFNF YOOMTAH INSANE REAL<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<3>3>3>3>3>3<2<3<3>33<3<3<3<3<3<3>3<<23<2><3<32<3>3<83<3>3<<3<>=>8?<3>?&3&3<4>3=<>3>=>=><4*÷>=&#÷=*%&$>:*(÷&=&#;$^#*÷,%
#I JSUT WOKEUP.HI MY BRAINNIS MELTING ALREADY I LOVE HER<÷<3<33<3<3<33<<33<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<<3<3<33<<3<3<3<3<3#THERES SO.YOOMTAH IN HERE IMNGOIJG TO EXPLODE SLASH POSITBE#STALKING CHECK VIOLENCE CHECK KIDNAPPING CHECK ANON U GOT IT ALL U KNOW WHATS UP.AND U EVEN SAID HAPPY ANNIVERSARY [PLEADING EMOJI]#I CANT EVENNTHINK WHAT TO SAY I JUST<÷<3<3<3<<33<3<3<3<3<<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3LOVE HER SO MUCH ITS CRAZY#I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH I JUST WANNA CLING TO HER SIDE AND NEVER EVER EVER LEAVE I NEED TO BE WITH HER LITERALLY FOREVER#THE THOUGHT OF HER ACTUALLY LOVING ME THIS MUCH MAKES ME WANT TO CRY TEARS OF JOY#I DONT KNOW WHY SHE CHOSE ME TO BE THE ONE SHE LOVES SO MUCH THAT SHE HAS TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT SO SHE CAN MAKE SURE I HAVE A#PERFECT LIFE WITH HER AND ONLY HER BUT GOD AM I THANKFUL SHE DID<3<3<3#I LOVE HER AND I LOVE BEING HERS💙💖💫❣💘💗💜❤🌩🌈🌻💛🍋🌈👩❤️💋👩💌⚡⚠️💟💓💌💚🌼💫💕💖💓🍋✨❣💝💗🌠💘💙🌈💚🧡❤🌻💜💋🧡⚡💕💛💞🌩💟#ALL I WANT IS TO STAY BY HER SIDE FOR ETERNITY AND NEVER THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN HER EVER AGAIN#I DONT CARE IF SHE KEEPS ME LOCKED UP FOREVER AS LONG AS SHE GIVES ME ALL THE LOVE AND AFFECTION AND CUDDLES I WANT HEHE#AND WE CAN SNUGGLE UP TOGETHER WHILE WATCHING STUFF ABT MY MISSING PERSONS CASE ON THE NEWS<3#AND SHE WOULD LAUGH AT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE'LL KILL THEM IF THEY EVER FIND ME#SHES SO CUUUUUUUUUUUTE I JUST WANNA SQUEEZE HER AND NUZZLE MY FACE INTO HERS AND GIVE HER KISSIES<3<3<3<3#I CAN IMAGINE SOMEONE COMING UP TO HER DOOR AND ASKING IF THEY HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON ME AND SHE INVITES THEM INSIDE#ONLY TO LETHALLY SHOCK THEM AS SOON AS THE DOOR IS CLOSED AND THEN SHE GIVES ME A KISY AND SHES LIKE ''SEE I PROMISED ID PROTECT YOU'' HEHE#SORRY I M LIKE DROWNING IN DAYDREAMS OVER HERE I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND#IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK<3<3<3#I JUST NEED TO BE H E R S <3<3<3<3<3<3
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Los Angeles/SoCal friends, let me tell you a thing:
You are within driving distance of the best goddamn apples you will ever taste.
Go to Montrose. I don't care how far away it is, go to Montrose. The farmer's market in Montrose is on Sunday. There is public parking.
Find yourself the stall for Ha's Apple Farm.
You know the stories about little tiny hole in the wall restaurants with like 3 tables, the most useless website you have ever seen, and the best food you've ever tasted in your life? Mr Ha is like that but for apples.
Find the stall. Buy the Fuji apples. There are no bad apples. Every apple in those boxes will be delicious.
He also sells stuff like apple butter and dried fruit and stuff. I have no interest in such things but I know that other people go crazy for that shit.
Do not buy the apple cider.
This is not because the apple cider is bad.
The apple cider is fucking delicious.
Do not buy the apple cider because he is always OUT OF APPLE CIDER, and if one of you gets hold of some before I do I will CRY UGLY TEARS. I HAVE BEEN WAITING WEEKS FOR HIM TO HAVE MORE APPLE CIDER AND HE IS ALWAYS OUT.
Do not buy the apple cider.
Pay the man. Enjoy the best Fuji apples you will ever consume.
You're welcome.
Apples are so fucked up you can get two from the same pile ans one tastes more like an apple than anything youve ever eaten and the other tastes like water poisoned by pharaohs
#stories#food#the only better apples you MAY find#are the gift fruit you can buy in Asian groceries that cost like $10 a piece#and come wrapped more carefully than a Faberge egg#i know he also goes to other farmer's markets but i dunno which#i used to buy his apples over a DECADE ago down near santa monica#but then i moved and when I got back to the area he'd stopped going to that location#but now i have FOUND HIM AGAIN and i cannot overstate my UTTER JOY at doing so#seriously these are the best apples i have ever had in my life
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When You're Pregnant- The Love And DeepSpace Men
parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader
genre: fluff fluff
a/n: let me know if you want more! any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!
⋆。‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧。⋆
Xavier:
Finding out you were pregnant was one of the best news he's ever gotten in his life. He was determined to be there, every step of the way. He becomes way overprotective over you as your maternity passes by. He would always be close to your side, terrified that if he leaves, he might lose you again.
He wouldn't let you do anything. Laundry? Nope you stay and rest! Grocery shopping? Nope give him the list of what you need. If he found you doing anything by yourself he would immediately step in and help or do it himself.
Whatever pregnancy cravings you want he would either make it for you or go out of his way to get it for you. He would also try it with you no matter how weird it was.
Endless shoulder, back, leg rubs to help sooth your tired and aching body. He can't imagine how tired you must be growing another human inside of you so he wants to take away an discomfort in any way he can.
Zayne:
He's a cardiac surgeon. He knows the anatomy and physiology of the human body. So he checks on you and your bump everyday to make sure everything is alright. At night he makes sure that you sleep in a correct and comfortable position.
Anything you crave he'll either cook for you or he'll pick up or buy. Whatever you need this man will do it all for you.
This man is always ready. He has all the medical dates and any important events written down in his schedule. He would have the best doctors to give you regular check ups, follow up tests, and even for ultrasounds. He would even have a bag packed ready for when your delivery arrives.
If anything felt wrong or you were anxious about anything, you would call him first before any of your doctors and he would immediately be on his way to you.
He would def have a folder of all the scans, tests, reports of all your baby stuff and keeps one in your shared bedroom and one copy in his office. Sometimes he'll go back and read the files and be nostalgic on how much weeks and months have passed by already.
He would have a week free in his schedule in case you deliver before or after the due date. So no surgeries or any meet up with any patients because all his time is yours.
Rafayel:
I think he would definitely be happy but deep down I think he would be nervous. You know this man is clingy but ever since you told him you were pregnant, anywhere you went he would be right beside you.
The more your bump starts showing, he would spend time out of his day talking to you and your baby. You two would spend so much time discussing names and plans for when the baby arrives. When your asleep, he would whisper quietly talking to the baby bump and basking in your beauty. He would fall asleep on your side for talking to the baby bump so late, one hand rested gently on your bump.
He would have an extra room ready for when the baby arrives. He would help pick out what furniture and what baby clothes to buy with you. He would tell you all the ideas of what he would paint for the walls for the baby room.
I def think this man would take pregnancy photo shoots or even paint you to capture the joy and anticipation. But no photo or painting can ever capture what beauty he truly sees in his eyes. He'll have an ultrasound picture in his wallet below a picture of you two and an extra empty space for when the child is born.
Sylus:
He would be by your side as much as he can. When you get morning sickness, he would immediately be by you, holding up your hair and rubbing your back. He would carry you back to bed and making you tea.
If you were to have any body aches and need a massage, he's already on it. He would have any ointments and anything you needed to feel comfortable or to ease any discomfort.
Although he wants to stay by your side at all times, he does have to work. This man is the Onychinus's Leader after all. He hates that he has to be so far away from you though. He'll try to stay in contact as much as he can. While he's away he'll have Luke and Kieran take care of things for you. He'll have Mephisto give him checkups if your asleep or taking naps. He'll hire a personal chef to cook you anything you want.
This man has all the money in the world. Whatever you want, you get it. You want this room to be the baby room? It's all yours. You want the whole floor to be the baby room? Say no more. Whatever baby furniture you look at, it's yours. Whatever color you want for the room, it's yours. And if you want it repainted for the 10th time, he'll make Luke and Kieran repaint it again and again.
If it were your 6th or 7th month into pregnancy you would tell him that you found out that babies in the womb can hear stuff outside. He would rest by your side, whispering things to the baby saying things like "Come out soon little one so you don't give mommy such a hard time in there." or "Maybe I should try to sing the baby a song." Which you immediately shut that idea down.
#xavier x reader#xavier x you#xavier x y/n#zayne x reader#zayne x you#zayne x y/n#rafayel x reader#rafayel x you#rafayel x y/n#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus x y/n#xavier lads#zayne lads#rafayel lads#sylus love and deepspace#xavier love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#love and deepspace fic#love and deepspace x you#love and deepspace#love and deepspace scenarios#love and deepspace x reader
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Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.
I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.
#liam#is there any point to this? other people are saying plenty of things#maybe there are enough things#but idk#liam or liams team were the closest this blog every came to any of the boys... things happened more than once#that I was like oh shit they're reading these posts#it made me feel extra close to him and it made me feel like I wanted to say something#but he'll never check his mentions again now#whats the point#I'm just SAD#but here's one more post to add to the mix anyway. Liam you were difficult- but you were loved#you were bullied in a nearly unimaginable way but you were also loved on a scale that is nearly incomprehensible#anyway#hi everyone#miss you love you#this is an ot5 blog always#I may not always like or support the choices they make; but they are always family yk?
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