#will i ever answer an ask in a non-rambley way?

[commander-rahrah]

I'm so glad that you have my ask & that you're going to slowly explodre in your Astarion x Reader fanfic! I love how Astarion realises that Reader is seeing through his facade!

1. How it makes him nervous & questions their intentions. Then he would wonder how they think about what they see 🥺

2. He would ask them as a way to tease them but desperately wants to know why they're doing this. When they explained it, he told them how puzzling they are

3. Just how much Reader insists that his consent matters & how he can change his mind even if he suggested it is something I definitely want for him!

4. He would mask it well but it does something for him every time they thank him 🥹

5. Reader would apologise even though they only did it to save him while Astarion is reassuring them that it's fine 😭

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts because I love it so much :)

Here's my idea that I would love to hear your opinion! Just to let you know this is quite self-indulgent XD How would Astarion react to GN!Reader explaining to him the reason they always try to help others is because not only do they know how it felt to be helpless, they also know how much it meant to them when they got help when they need it the most?

What do you think of it? I'm curious :3

Fuck, this is gonna be long and rambley and I apologize but god do I love the concept of this, and its something I have been putting little bits into my Astarion series (especially chapter 2 and 4). So first, I feel like I need to talk about Astarion not liking it when you help people when you first start out.

I love all of the posts and art that is made of Astarion admitting that he asked all the gods for help and none of them did, and about how he hates heroes since none ever came for him (including the post about the quote from The Last Unicorn - god it kills me).

And I feel like this makes for such an interesting dynamic when Tav/Reader is a bit of a do-gooder, since it exasperates and bewilders him so much. Maybe even angers him a bit -- especially in the case of a God worshipping, or blessed (like in the case for my series) Tav/Reader. At first his thoughts and opinions are entirely selfish, no one ever came for him, no God or Hero answered, where were you 200 years ago when he was crying and begging? No where. But here now, you were pouring your heart out and risking your neck for vulnerable idiots but he is right there - help him, focus on his tasks like the damn tadpole in your brains and the master vampire that could be lurking around any corner!

But as he falls more and more in love, I like to think that Astarion starts to realize how kismet it is that he met you when he did. That if you were alive 200 years ago and offered him a sliver of kindness he would have seen it as a weakness and seized the opportunity to drop you off back at the castle as another sacrificial lamb. He realizes that if your God never answered your prayer, or blessed you, etc. you may not even have ever been here. And what would his life be like if he hadn't met you? For a time I think he would worry about others taking advantage of your kindness and desire to always help (especially since he did that himself) and would definitely voice it to you. You would just shrug and agree, stating that people have and they probably would continue too. But that wouldn't ever stop you from doing the right thing.

Eventually, I like to believe that for a Tav/Reader of this nature and a non-ascended Astarion, your own kindness and desire to help is one of the things he loves most about you. So much so, that it starts to seep into him, re-igniting the long extinguished flame for such acts in his heart and soul. It definitely wouldn't make him completely change and flip his personality, he wouldn't start just giving things out and running a charity or something -- but I think he would start seeing the world a little brighter and he would want to be a slightly better participant in it as your partner.

In regards to Tav/Reader explaining why they help people the way they do, I feel like specific reasoning would have to lay in the hands of the reader or player - especially because everyone comes up with such creative, wonderful ideas for their characters. Like my Selune blessed Tav from the Talking to the Moon series (aka my tiefling bard Olympia) is this weird combination of just genuinely wanting to be seen as helpful and good for once, recognizing their privilege as a noble and wanting to use it for good, wanting to rebel from the expectations placed on them a bit and also they have this innate purpose that drives them, which is a big part of their blessing from Selune. But I feel like for a good general theme for this ask would be that saying of "The gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it." That even if Reader/Tav had experienced a world that was not kind to you, that you found something good and kind and gentle and clung to it, something or someone else or maybe just yourself. And what an example you would be for Astarion.

Thank you for the ask anon!! As you can tell I still love talking about Astarion x Tav ahaha, even months later. Sorry about the delay in answering it, lots happening in my personal life that has taken time away from my writing! If anyone reading this is looking for updates on Talking to the Moon, please know I am working on it and doing my best to get it out for January! xxx

[eppysboys]

i love them but i get such a roommate vibe from paul and linda sometimes, especially post '72. maybe it was the natural cooling down relationships go through after some years but paul always described his wife in terms more fitting for a mommy than a lover. even maybe i'm amazed, considered one of his most loving songs about her, the message is "thanks for putting up with my shit", which is not as romantic as it sounds? it just seems the poor woman had to parent him along with their toddlers. i don't know what his relationships with jane or john were like but whatever was going on seemed a lot more intense and typically romantic than his marriage. paul strikes me as one of those guys who need a woman in the house to mother him at all times, which kills romance. he started seeing heather a hot second after linda died and was already dating nancy way before his divorce was finalized. for all his qualities and physical beauty, he seems as exhausting to be with as john was. perhaps even more.

I understand what you’re saying. I think what was very unique with his and Linda’s relationship - and one of the things that stands out most to me - is the concept of comfort. Of feeling secure and being able to relax. Intensity is all very well and good, but Linda proved herself to be not only a motivator for him but also someone who could soothe his temperament and warm him a bit. I think that was really important for him not just when the Beatles were breaking down, but in life in general (’you right me when i’m wrong’). It’s not uncommon for couples to credit their partner with making them ‘better’, and I think that’s how Paul felt with Linda - not just out of the necessity given the time they got together but throughout their entire marriage. Paul is an anxious fella! He’s a perfectionist and work-obsessed and needs approval and love. Linda steadied him, balanced him out, because she had strength, empathy and stability he found very attractive and wanted in a partner.

I’m not going to even try to delve how the trauma of losing your mother when you’re young, growing up with traditional gender roles shoved down your throat, having everything taken care of for all your adult life by other people, having everyone ‘love’ you but not really know you and the miraculous timing of Linda’s arrival into his life might have shaped his relationship with her, at least initially. But I will say that’s important not to forget that there’s that ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ element to their relationship! The one that they both fondly have talked about and the people around them have picked up on and commented on. 

“Linda, who’s sitting barefoot in the attic room of their Sussex farmhouse home, is constantly surprised by the joy Paul brings to her life. ‘I know we’re coming up to our 30th wedding anniversary next year, but some days it feels like we’ve just got together. And I love that. I love it when there’s a power cut, no light, no heat and I’m having to cook over an open fire while Paul serenades me on his guitar. I love that simple life. Now that the kids have flown the nest, it’s meant that Paul and I have become like boyfriend and girlfriend again, doing those little things together that you do when you’re first dating … going to the theatre or just walking hand in hand through the fields. How many married couples of 30 years’ standing do you know who wander about holding hands? In some ways, we haven’t grown up. I guess it must be love!’ Linda says their relationship has always been like that.”

Their dynamic was many things. Yes, Linda did take care of him, but they were also very much husband and wife, mum and dad, bandmates, collaborators, boyfriend and girlfriend, absolute goofballs and co-mullet owners. Romance can be often be relative, and they were a mostly private couple. We know what we know about Paul’s struggles and how Linda saved him because he’s clearly immensely thankful and grateful for it, but all the stuff we never saw that was just for them and them alone is clearly the true foundation of their marriage, and why it lasted right until Linda passed away. 

[cynicalities]

Sleepover *checks calendar* Wednesday question: your favourite fictional character and why you love them?

You just had to ask the most difficult question ever, didn't you? ^^° Please excuse me if I start getting too rambley in this, there are too many feelings involved.

My favourite fictional character of all time is Gauri (a.k.a. Mumbai) from the Marathi movie Mumbai-Pune-Mumbai.

(They actually don't tell us the characters' names in the first movie, the names are revealed in the sequels. In the first movie, they are just called Mumbai and Pune. And the two sequels are dead to me.)

Gauri is a young girl from Mumbai. The entire plot of the movie starts with Gauri travelling to Pune because she wants to reject a prospective groom with whom her relatives are in talks with for Gauri and his arranged marriage (Indian arranged marriages are a completely different topic that I really cannot delve into here).

But she cannot meet the guy and has no other way to contact him. Somehow, through a series of coincidences, she ends up spending the day with an other person whom she had initially asked for directions.

Throughout the movie, is shown to be supremely confident and smart. She knows what she wants in life, and isn't afraid to do what's required to get her where she needs to be. She works as a fashion designer and is very career-oriented. Both of the leads keep having tiny arguments in the day and Gauri argues like a champ! She has all her points ready to go, she's very articulate about them and she is very good at convincing other people that she's right. She likes the way she lives her life, but at the same time, she is also open to new experiences and perspectives.

That being said, she isn't without flaws either. She is ready to sometimes poke the other person where it hurts for the sake of arguments, but can't take the same treatment from others. She will ask pointed questions about the guy's life, but won't answer his questions easily.

Mukta Barve played the character amazingly! I think this movie was the point where I started following all her works, and watching her shows and movies. She's a phenomenal actress!

And I highly recommend the movie as well, it's one of my favourite romcoms ever! A lot of the humour comes from the cultural differences between Mumbai and Pune, so that might be lost on non-Maharashtrian viewers. But otherwise, it's an adorable meetcute story! ❤️

Now that I've waxed poetic about MPM and Gauri, honourable mention for favourite character has to be King from My Engineer because OF COURSE HE IS ONE OF MY TOP FAVOURITE CHARACTERS!

Sleepover Asks

[9thdoor]

Runner 5 Questionnaire

Spoilers for S2M18, general beginning of S4, S4M21. Others implied but not a lot directly stated.

1.) Does your Five speak? If not, why not?

Yes! Sort of. She stopped speaking entirely near the beginning of the apocalypse around the time she was at Mullins. A certain incident happened which mirrored when she lost her older sister at the start of the outbreak wherein one of her. Um. I can’t remember the word for fellow army member. They were friends I guess and Finley’s talking over comms ended up giving away the other friend’s position and so yeah. She stopped speaking after that and didn’t talk at all for like, upwards of 3 months of her time at Abel.

But (gay warning) as she spent more time around friends at Abel who all tend to be pretty talkative, she slowly started talking again and is slowly coming out of her shell because she’s comfortable again and has faith in her friends and finally some restored trust in herself not to get people killed. Granted some things totally disrupted that increase in talking (i.e. Archie dying) but generally: yes.

That was super long I’m sorry.

2.) Who are your Five’s best friends?

Sam and Maxine for sure!! Finley’s also super close with Jack and Eugene who. Generally come as a pair friendship wise but she’s probs a bit closer with Jack just because they have kinda similar habits of poking fun at Eugene. She’s also getting along with Paula a lot more but even though she knew the circumstances of her helping Van Ark it was. Kinda tough to get past but now they’re good and Finley spends lots of time helping Sam babysit baby Sara. EDIT HOW COULD I FORGET JODY HOLY COW FINLEY AND JODY GET ALONG PRETTY WELL like more than pretty well they complement and tease each other lots even when Finley isn't talkative there's a lot of silly-face-making and such. I love Jody.

3.) Does your Five have any love interests?

Hello have you heard of our lord and savior 5am? Listen there’s literally no other like. You can’t argue the fact that they obviously really love each other, see Exhibit A *points to S2M20 and links you to a totally canon and not edited clip*. I love them and they love each other.

But if we’re talking about not pure blissful canon happiness then gee, sign me up for 5imon and 5ara. Two other ships I can totally get behind the whole, feelings happen thing and then well. Bumps in the road happen.

4.) Who does your Five not hang out with outside of work?

Uhhhh first instinct is just like. Janine. Maybe a bit more as seasons progress but definitely nowhere near the people from question 2. Nadia and Veronica not so much either, probably, because Finley and Veronica think in completely different ways and Nadia is mostly glued to Veronica.

5.) What kind of hairstyle does your Five sport?

She’s got relatively dark, mostly straight and sometimes frizzy hair. It goes like, idk, down just a bit past her shoulders to just above the middle of her chest. Even though she has to wear it up for runs she finds like, lots of comfort in having her hair down and wearing comfortable, non-restrictive clothing like sweaters or stuff when there’s a chance to relax. It feels a lot like pre-outbreak for her and makes her feel less tightly wound. Whoops I got totally off track. There are also bangs, not sidebangs but you know. Anime mixture of straight across and not.

All of these answers are so long I am so sorry

6.) What is your Five’s relationship to Abel D&D night?

Oh my god ok. This is where Finley being a self insert genuinely comes into play because! She definitely loves D&D, but like, definitely isn’t super inclined to initiate doing things during the campaign and kind of relies on the rest of the party to carry the story along for quite awhile when she isn’t as talkative. And that’s a pretty long time.

She joined the D&D group at the continued invitation of Sam and the rest of the D&D crew and it was for sure one of the things that got her more comfortable at Abel. Like, she definitely spent time just sitting in on sessions at first, and Sam would kind of let her see the DM stuff because she sure wasn’t gonna like. Tell anyone and eventually around the time she starts talking more she gives him a bit of ideas and such but then she wants to play so that, like Stops. She doesn’t spoil the stuff Sam’s planned for the story that she already knew bc she knows he’s a huge dork and that would be evil. I mean can you even imagine how excited Sam gets about plots that he comes up with. He kills me honestly.

This is all ending up super rambley and I’m kind of figuring it out as I go along I am sorry

7.) What’s one wacky headcanon about Abel?

This is a tough one because you know there are undoubtedly a bunch of Abel inside jokes that are perpetuated on Rofflenet and on Radio Abel and on the community notice board but I can’t think of something specific thats…”wacky”. Hm. I’m stealing this bc I just saw Kenzie on twitter talking about how loud the gate to Abel is and it’s definitely a thing where everyone who isn’t involved in being a runner or on comms or anything, just like normal citizens continually ask why it’s that loud. Y’know the things that everyone in a house or school complains about but does nothing to fix Ever? Yeah this is that. I feel like after visiting Abel the Minister would want to fix that but idk what I’m even talking about anymore. Um. Next.

8.) What’s one wacky headcanon about your Five?

This is legitimately difficult to think of ummm. Oh she’s made a habit of taking merch shirts on supply runs. Like, everything from tees saying “I ❤️ UK” to “Jacob’s Hot Dog Emporium,” and that’s basically her entire run wardrobe. It started as convenience but ended up being really fun and sometimes people grab shirts for her when on runs to unique spots without her. Even tho like I mentioned she loves wearing sweaters when she’s allowed to relax, that’s obviously not possible on missions because of riskiness of baggy/catchy clothing so location merch t-shirts are her run gear. That’s like, half-wacky right?

9.) How did your Five end up at Mullins base?

This is something I haven’t thought tons about but I’m gonna do my best to give a general idea. Like I mentioned in #1, Finley lost her sister at the start of the outbreak in a really tight situation which I haven’t considered all the details of (but which definitely involved the “No! You stay here, be safe, okay?” trope), after which she had no idea. She stayed where her sister told her to for a fairly decent amount of time and when she finally left to search for supplies and just anyone who was still alive, she was found by a Mullins patrol. She doesn’t know pretty much anything about the status of the rest of her family and just kind of…goes with it because she has nothing else. It’s a pretty Bad Time but yeah.

10.) What doesn’t your Five miss about the pre-apocalypse world?

Oh man, lots of stuff, primarily working. That sounds bad and lazy but she had lots of troubles really putting big effort into jobs that were entry level and 100% necessary to make any career progress but was a good people person so her dad kept pushing her to hold some job through college but she didn’t do too well at that and it ended up just majorly stressing her out. So that’s something she loves about Abel! Her “job” is running and helping and doing her best to make it so everyone can live good lives and she loves that, even if it’s a lot of responsibility.

[thelegendofclarke]

can you explain why you still like octavia? i'm not trying to troll you or anything i am just wondering. i used to really like her a lot and she was one of my favorites but i just don't like her character that much anymore so i am wondering what people still like about her?

Hey Anonny! Yeah sure, since you have asked so nicely I guess I can talk about my thoughts on Octavia…

Ok so ~caveat lectors~ before I start: I usually avoid answering questions like this tbh because 1) I tend to get really rambley, and 2) I feel like people have a tendency to equate liking a character with condoning/agreeing with all their actions and trying to excuse/justify everything they do. That’s NOT how I personally approach liking a character. So yeah, I preface this by saying that even though I love O and find her character really interesting, I absolutely don’t agree with everything she has done or every choice she has made. 

So one of the first things I find really interesting about Octavia is how she is kind of a commentary on what happens when people are taught to deal with their problems/emotions through violence. At some point in the series, O has acted out physically against the very people who she loves most in the world: Bellamy, Lincoln, and Indra. As I discuss below, I think she uses force: a) because she never learned that it was wrong (she has actually been taught to use it as a coping mechanism), and b) because she never learned to express herself in healthier ways. 

O spent the first 14 years of her life living in a hole in the floor; her brother and her mother were her entire world and the only people she had ever interacted with. Also, given how the other Delinquents reacted to her in “Join or Die,” it doesn’t look like she was permitted to interact with any of them either after she was locked up. Someone who lives such a solitary life like that probably isn’t going to have learned very well how to deal with their emotions or have a lot of emotional maturity. Then she was sent to the ground and she, along with all the other Delinquents, are basically immediately exposed to using violence as a means to survive. I mean Lincoln was probably the biggest marshmallow stuffed teddy bear on the whole show, yet he was the one who ultimately taught O to fight and to kill. Indra, who was probably one of the biggest influences on O’s life outside of Bellamy and Lincoln, taught her “a warrior does not mourn those she’s lost until after the battle is won.” Before Lincoln turns himself in to Pike O tells him “We fight together;” this is how she shows her support, this is how she shows she loves him and she is with him. Action, and often violent action, is how Octavia has learned to deal with things. But I think what Octavia’s character shows us is that this is a destructive way to live. It’s not only destructive to the individual, but it will end up being destructive to society, such as the grounder one, where children are taught to be warriors.  Changing this society built around war and violence (something Clarke and Lexa wanted to do and Luna is working to do) is something I think will end up being important. 

I also think O’s tendency toward aggression is tied to her lack of self-worth, as this post sums up perfectly:

Octavia makes herself large, throwing her weight and her words around to claim as much space as possible, and that’s rooted in her life under the floor. She feels like she has to fight for everything because back when she didn’t fight, she got nothing. Just being a human – a friend, a girlfriend, a sister – is not enough for Octavia. She sees no merit to just being herself; that never got her anything before. She has to fight, or she’ll wind up with nothing again.

Society on The Ark made people feel powerless. It took away so much of their freedom of choice and identity and essentially dictated who and what they were, and as I talk about right below, I think O is a prime example of this. And I think one of her greatest fears is feeling powerless like that again.  

Another thing I find interesting about O’s character and her arc is how she has basically gone completely from one end of the spectrum to the other in terms of agency. If you think about it, Octavia is the only Delinquent who was locked up, and then subsequently sent to the ground, through no fault or actions of her own. Her crime was existing. Every other Delinquent made conscious choices that resulted in them getting put in the Sky Box and then sent to Earth. Even Wells, who’s crime was the actual cutest and lamest crime I have ever heard of, still committed an actual crime with the express goal of being sent to Earth. In the Ark, Octavia lived a life of essentially total submission; she was completely controlled by the wills of those around her and basically had no free will of her own. Now we see her moving into a stage that almost seems to be complete rebellion. She’s pretty much saying “fuck it” to everyone else and their expectations and doing what she wants regardless of the consequences or who she hurts… I don’t think either of these are the true Octavia. Personally, I want to see O find a balance between the two; I think that’s where she’ll find herself. 

I also kind of see O’s arc so far as a ~How Far the Mighty Have Fallen~ kind of thing, and I think the cave scene with Bellamy in “Fallen” is the pinnacle example. During season 1 “Contents Under Pressure” when Bellamy had Lincoln chained up and beat him O was appalled. Yet at the end of season 3, we see her do the exact same thing when it is Bellamy chained to the wall and she is the one doing the beating. I think that parallel shows exactly how much O has changed since season 1, and not necessarily for the better. And I think it was also about how people can, in moments of extreme sorrow or desperation, let their emotions get the better of them and lash out and the consequences that may result from that. I can think of two other big examples of this in the series off the top of my head right now…

Finn, who was always a huge advocate for peace and non-violence and refused to hold a gun, holding a village of grounders hostage at gun point and killing some of them in season 2 when Clarke was missing. 

Bellamy participating in the killing of the grounder army in season 3 after the massacre at Mount Weather. 

Like other characters have, and will continue to do so I suspect, Octavia has reached her dark/breaking point. This is supposed to make us uncomfortable, this is supposed to make us squirm, we are supposed to be throwing shit at the TV and yelling “NO BB WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” through our tears… I do hope that, like Bellamy, Octavia gets a chance to redeem herself from this; but I don’t need her to have a redemption arc for me to still like and appreciate her character and what she contributes to the story. 

I also feel that a lot of my ability to love and appreciate Octavia as a character is because I am good at separating fact from fiction. I don’t like O because I was to be her bff and have sleepovers and bake cupcakes (although I would totally be down for braiding each other’s hair!), I like her because I find her character and her arc and her journey interesting to watch and generally enjoyable. I understand that there are people who have a hard time with this, and I’m not even trying to be at all snarky or condescending here. I completely and totally understand and accept that some people have had experiences or relationships in their lives that can make certain types of media or stories or characters difficult to watch because it triggers an emotional reaction for them. Octavia beating up Bellamy was horrifying and heart wrenching to watch, but I see O and Bell as fictional characters and not real people going through this situation. I DO NOT agree with Octavia beating up Bellamy, I don’t think it was right in any way or that he ~had it coming~ or anything of the sort, nor do I agree with the way she has treated several other characters on several other occasions. But I’m also not going to completely write her off; Octavia is such an interesting character to me BECAUSE she is so adrift and is struggling so hard to process and work through what is happening around her and where she fits in. I just personally don’t need a character to be completely good or moral for me to like them, nor do I feel the compulsion to defend or justify every single choice made and action taken by the characters I like. 

I realize that I am kind of glossing over O’s relationships with Lincoln and Bellamy and those dynamics here, but tbh my focus was on Octavia herself and her character. I know that her relationships, especially these two, have done a great deal to shape who she is. But idk to me that is just a completely separate discussion from this one. 

And yep, this got superrr rambley… but I warned you!

P.S. if you are still curious or want to talk more about Octavia I definitely recommend checking out @raincityruckus if you haven’t already! She has written more articulately about O, and the Blake sibling in general, than I ever could.