#will halstead x original characters

[kiddbegins]

Your Ivy Grows | Old Flame

Summary : when someone from Ivy's past comes back around Chicago it turns into a hell scape.

Fandom : One Chicago (character from Chicago Fire, love interest Chicago Med)

Characters : Will Halstead / original female character / One Chicago characters

Relationship : m/f

Rating : general audience

Trigger warnings: death, gun violence, kidnapping, sexual assault, drug mention but not use

Chapters : 3/?? tbd

Overall word count : 19,012

[poppadom0912]

Her father's daughter

Warnings: Kidnapping, crying, canon-typical injuries, blood

Summary: When all is well, someone just has to barge in and ruin Will and Faith's lives.

A/N: Soo, I am back more than a month later. I didn't mean to disappear for so long... It will happen again i am sorry. This Ramadan has come with more work and I have exams in two weeks that i refuse to fail. I will most likely return at the end of april/beginning of May.

i've been thinking about writing this for a while because of how much I love Faith but I didn't want to hurt her but then I thought, no one can turn down some good old angst. Sorry again for being mia for nearly another month but randomly wrote this all in one sitting after doing some psychology and having an existential crisis soooo. This is going to be a little longer than usual, happy reading!!

Will was at work when it happened.

He was getting ready to assist Connor in a surgery when he got a call as they were scrubbing in.

The part-time nanny he hired was now basically considered family over the two years she'd been looking after Faith whenever she wasn't in school and Will was at work. So to have her calling him at work was odd but when he answered her call and was immediately met with tears and gasping and hyperventilating, Will felt his heart stop.

Will wasted no time. simply telling her he was on his way before hanging up.

Connor, without hesitation, encouraged Will to leave, saying he'd find Goodwin and tell her himself.

As soon as Will was in his car, the first person he called was a no brainer.

Whenever Will called, Jay would always come running, day or night for his older brother and niece, consequences be damned.

Will found himself struggling when Jay answered, grappling for words he couldn't muster.

"What's wrong Will?"

"Faith's gone Jay... Someone's taken her."

*****

The brothers met up at Faith's school, Will arriving before Jay.

The second Will got there, Allison, the nanny, found him instantly. She ran up to him in tears, hysterically crying as if it was her own child that was taken.

"Will I'm so sorry." She gasped, on the edge of a panic attack, eyes impossibly red as she hyperventilated, tears showing no sign of stopping any time soon.

"They- Reception said a woman picked her up in Maggie's name three hours ago-" She cut herself off with a sob. Poor women was a mess, seeing her so distraught made Will want to cry along with her.

"Allison, please listen." Will said sternly, holding her shoulder so she would pay attention to him. "None of this is your fault, okay? If it wasn't for you, it would've been another two hours before someone found out."

She exhaled shakily, nodding fervently when Will pressed her to stop apologising and accept she was at no fault, there was no reason for her to take any blame.

Before either could say anything more, the sound of sirens scared them, making both of them jump at the sudden loud sound.

At the sight of familiar cars, Will wasn't too sure if he felt relief or impending doom.

"Intelligence Will need to take a statement but after that you can go home." Will told Allison, squeezing her bicep with a timid smile for reassurance.

"As soon as they find Faith, you'll be the first to know, I promise."

*****

Jay was struggling to concentrate on the CCTV footage him and Adam were meant to be watching.

He could say with 100 percent confidence the he never thought he'd find himself in such a situation.

intelligence have been involved with numerous kidnappings. So many in fact that it was usually what they would be expecting to be called in for every day.

But, this was his niece's kidnapping. This wasn't the norm for him let alone the rest of them. A five year olds kidnapping was something they'd never want to deal with, especially someone who was family.

"Here it is." Adam said, clicking the mouse a few more times before settling on a frame, the scene being the reception of Faith's school.

Shaking any deprecating thoughts away, Jay pushed his chair forward, looking closely and minimising his blinks as to not miss a single second of valuable footage. Footage that would show the final moments of Faith being alive and safe.

The halls were empty for the most of it, bar the occasional janitor or teacher walking by. Two minutes passed when a woman in a black trench coat walked up to the desk. Her brown hair obscuring her face from the camera's view along with the thick scarf wrapped around her neck.

She spoke to the receptionist, signing a sheet of paper before a lady walked away, soon returning with a small familiar bundle.

Faith was in her little purple puffer jacket, bobble hat covering her ears and mitten on her little hands. She wore little winter boots, her my little pony backpack sat nicely on her shoulders and Will's old scarf held in her hands. Unconsciously, Jay thought about how she always complained about the itchiness of the scarf that Will would always wrap around her masterfully, his method luring out the most wonderful sound to mankind; Faith's laughter.

Faith looked perfect, just like her fathers carbon copy and even from the shitty camera footage, Jay could see the pep in her step and the twinkle that never extinguished from her eyes.

Jay's thoughts trailed back to earlier this morning when he was still fast asleep in bed but his brother had messaged him, sending him a picture of Faith in all her adorableness. Nothing had changed from that picture and it warmed his heart slightly.

Usually, whoever picked her up was met with the biggest hello, the widest smile and incessant talking and she retold the adventures of her day but this time, Faith's steps faltered at the sight of the stranger.

Jay struggled to watch the rest.

*****

All Will could hear was his baby girls cries echoing in his ears.

He'd heard her cry plentiful, he raised her since birth for goodness sakes but this cry was different. It was like he could hear just how scared she was and it felt like a literal stab in the heart.

Will forced Allison home twenty minutes ago after Hailey took her statement and was told everything. She was still very torn and upset, she refused to leave Will for several reasons but before she started blaming herself again, Will forced her to leave, promising once again to call her later.

Jay had shown Will the footage of the woman who never showed her face, maybe there was some chance Will could recognise the back of her. Somehow, she knew the exact school Faith went to as well as knowing the list of very few people that were allowed to pick her up. The list consisted of Will obviously, Jay, Allison and Maggie.

Somehow, whoever this person was, they knew who was on the emergency contact list, information that only the school and said people were privy to.

That small bit of information made Will want to be sick.

They had tried other means to try identify the woman but they were coming up with nothing. Another hour had passed, now being give hours since Faith had been taken and Will was slowly losing the plot.

"I've contacted a bunch on my CI's." Jay said, face set in stone as he finished presenting. "Still waiting to hear back."

"I have several CI's in that area." Antonio added, Kevin nodding to also confirm. "Waiting for a call any time now."

Voight hummed, giving no indication of what he was thinking or feeling. But not too long ago, he had taken Will aside and promised they would bring Faith back to him, no matter the cost.

No matter the cost. Ethically, Will wasn't too sure what to feel but emotionally, he felt relieved.

Will must've zoned out for a bit because the next thing he knew, only him, Jay and Antonio remained in the bullpen. Everyone else seemingly disappeared.

Wow, he really needed to fix up.

"Hey, how are you-"

Just as Jay opened his mouth, he was cut off by a phone ringing.

*****

Jay wasn't allowed to accompany Antonio to his CI, instead taking Kevin with him. The Latino was never once persuaded by Jay, even when he promised to stay in the car.

The sun was now starting to set and there was a clear shift in the atmosphere as the sky grew darker. To ease broth his own and his brothers fears, Jay sat with Will, sitting together in a silence neither could stand.

This was an uncommon occurrence since Will had returned from New York, the two brothers being alone together. Since coming back, it had always been the three of them. So to be in this moment, both Halstead's would rather die than to have to repeat this again.

"You want a coffee?" Jay asked, eyeing up the half empty coffee pot. At the rate this investigation was going, they'd be needing more than just coffee to help them stay up.

"Sure." Will hadn't meant for his answers to be monosyllabic, Jay had done nothing but right now, he had not much left in him to continue being so forth coming.

The silence enveloping their space, Will usually relished in any moments of silence he could get but this was just uncomfortable. Never did he ever want his little girl to be causing such a ruckus.

"Maggie called me back." Will said, watching Jays' back, following his actions as he made both their coffee's. "She doesn't recognise the woman nor has she told anyone outside the ED's staff about Faith - that's all people I know and none of them know that woman."

Jay hummed as he stirred the tiniest bit of sugar when his tasted a little too bitter for his liking. "That's good but it does mean we have even less of an idea as to who this is."

Will didn't reply, only mumbling a small thanks as he took the mug from Jay's outstretched hand and sipping the lukewarm drink.

"Have you butted heads with anyone at work recently?" Jay asked, knowing his brothers stubbornness very well.

"No." Will rolled his eyes. "I've been under Goodwin's strong scrutiny after the last stunt. Go ask anyone, I've been good."

And for a second, nothing felt as heavy but such a feeling didn't last.

"Antonio and Kevin are back." Trudy suddenly appeared in the doorway of the breakroom causing both of them to flinch. "Go see them downstairs."

*****

"My CI works in a restaurant. When I reached out, his story matched up with ours." Antonio started, standing tall besides the computer screen where Kevin was trying to connect it to the USB they were given.

"At the same time Will called us, a different woman came and ordered a takeaway with a kid he said looks a lot like Faith."

Will felt his heart rate picking up the more Antonio spoke. Hearing all of this felt like a fever dream, he didn't want to get his hopes up just in case they reached another dead end.

The camera footage started to play, Kevin skipping it when nothing was happening, only to abruptly replay it when someone walked in.

All they could see was the back of the woman, her black hair in a braid, scarf wrapped around her neck with a long jacket on. As Will's eyes studied the stranger, he followed her outstretched arm to-

Faith

Will's breath hitched at the sight of his little girl who hadn't seen since the early hours of the morning when he dropped her off to school. He held his breath, watching closely to see if a single hair was misplaced on her body or to try and see what she was feeling from either her scrunched up eyebrows or her quivering lips.

But he couldn't see anything.

The woman went to the counter, ordered her food and stood there for however long it took for the food to be made. Only when she was handed a carrier bag with several containers did she finally turn around and show her face.

Will's face paled in recognition instantly.

"What's wrong Will?" Jay noticed his change immediately, his question causing everyone in the room to turn and look at him. "Do you recognise her?"

Will swallowed harshly, blinking repeatedly to bring himself out of shock.

"Yeah, it's Faith's mum."

*****

With this newfound information, it didn't take Intelligence long to track her down.

Stephanie Brooks, 'Steph' was what she insisted everyone call her. For just over a year, she was Will's girlfriend and as of five years ago, she was Faiths absent mother.

Ever since that night five years ago, Will never thought he'd see his ex again but here he was, sitting in the back of his brothers truck as he waited for Intelligence to get his daughter back.

Once they had her name, they found the car she had under her name in Chicago and the place she was renting out as of three months ago. Three months of which she had been watching them under a microscope.

Will actually had to go be sick in the toilet when Kim turned around with all of Stephanie's activities since she arrived in Chicago, all of which suspiciously looked very familiar and aligned with everything he and Faith did recently.

That aside, all Will had to do now was wait.

Jay and Kevin stood in front, Kevin ready to kick the door down before Jay could go in first. All they were waiting for was for Voight's signal.

"Now!"

Within seconds, they were all entering the bungalow, guns out and pointed in any direction, covering all corners as they searched for Stephanie.

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

They all went separate directions, covering every room in search of any life and soon enough, they found their culprit.

She screamed.

"Stephanie Brooks, your under arrest..." Adam went on, reciting the words they all had memorised for years now, his gun lowered slightly as Antonio went forward to handcuff her.

"What, no! You're crazy!" She shouted, struggling against Antonio's grip. Despite the cheap bungalow she rented, she was dressed as if ready for a night out. Her hair was curled, makeup perfect, heels and a tight fitted dress on.

"Kidnapping?" She scoffed, continuing to struggle as she was forced onto her feet. "She's my child, my daughter!"

"You can't take her from me." She told them, getting more riled up when she saw Adam rolling his eyes at her. "I want my lawyer, you have no right to take my daughter from me."

On the other side of the bungalow, Jay heard nothing but thundering in his ears as he frantically looked up and down for his niece. Nearly every room had been covered and they hadn't found her yet-

Jay felt his heart break the second Faith was in his sight.

He found her stuffed in the bathtub shivering. He had to kick down the door, finding her with zip ties around her wrists and ankles, sat in the bathtub with on her knickers and vest on.

Faith started crying.

Without another thought, Jay dropped his gun and rushed forward, kneeling at the edge of the bathtub before picking her up and dropping her into his lap.

"Oh Faith." Jay sighed, wrapping his arms around her as she curled into him. "It's okay, your safe, Jay Jay's got you now."

As sobs racked her little body, Jay took out his knife and carefully cut the zip ties off. As soon as the were chucked to the side, she wrapped her arms as far as they could around his torso.

Standing up, Jay took strides out the bathroom and made his way outside. Hailey found him on the way, taking her scarf off with Kim not too far behind taking her jacket off.

Both garments swaddled Faith, protecting her bare limbs from the torturous snow but she continued to shiver.

Jay felt himself breathing easier with her in his arms but Will was firmly on his mind.

Only a metre away from the premises did Jay find Will who was already bounding towards them.

"Faith, look." Jay gently poked her, watching her carefully pick her head up and turn in the direction Jay was pointing.

The cry she let out, it would forever haunt him.

"Faith."

Jay handed her over to his older brother who's arms encased her small body. Will dipped his face in her hair, inhaling the comforting smell that he never wanted to forget.

"Oh baby. It's okay, it's okay." Will repeated as she sobbed, showing no signs of stopping any time soon. "Daddy's got you."

Will pressed several kisses wherever he could: in her hair, her forehead, her ear poking out from her curls, her cheek anywhere. His arms tightened in their embrace and if it wasn't for Jay who was supporting him, he would fallen into the snow as soon as he lost all feeling in his legs.

Will could barely hear his own thoughts over Faith's gut wrenching cries. Somehow, her tears weren't running dry. To see her in such a state but to have her back and safe with him, Will finally let his emotions get the better of him.

He sniffled, hiding his face in her wild curls he always struggled to tame, his tears dropping like rain but his cries were muffled. Screwing his eyes shut, he tried to even out his breathing, Jay's hand on his back comfortingly rubbing circles kept him somewhat sane.

"We're driving to Med." Jay told him, directing the father-daughter duo towards his truck.

Sitting in the back, the outside world no longer existed, his entire universe was sat in his lap. Will had lost track of time, she had been continuously crying but Faith was silent now as she was knocked out, crying herself to sleep, that's how tired she was. All he could hear was the occasional soft snore, but he could feel everything from her rising chest against his own, her curls that needed to be brushed, her skin that was slowly warming up from both his own body heat and the garments wrapped around her and the tears that were drying on his shirt.

Will felt like he could finally start to relax.

*****

Faith remained in Will's arms at Med, even when he woke her up, neither of them made any move of letting go.

As soon as they got to the hospital, Will was surrounded by all his colleagues, all riddled with stress that was slowly disappearing when they saw Faith.

Currently, Natalie was doing the standard tests, letting Will do all the convincing which wasn't a lot. As soon as he asked, Faith complied.

"I'll go grab some heating blankets." Natalie said, stepping back as she finished off. "I'll make sure to put a rush on these."

"Thanks Nat." Will said, letting Faith curl back into his embrace.

"It's no problem." She smiled, her eyes looking down at the little girl, the sight of father and daughter making her think of Owen. "We're all just glad she's safe and mostly unharmed."

Will tried not to think of the scrapes and clotting up scabs that littered her body. He hadn't seen any of them till they got to Med, his chest restricting to know she had been hurt and he wasn't there to relieve her of the pain.

"Thank Ethan for me." Will added when Natalie was about to leave. "Faith loves the my little pony band aids."

And with that, they were left alone for the first time surrounded by the muffled sounds of the bustling department and the occasional beeps of machinery and the faint drips of the iv.

Despite being a doctor for years, Will found it difficult to see the iv needle in Faith. To have two worlds collide, Will would never wish this upon any parent.

Small pokes to his collarbone caught his attention, Faith poking it ever so gently as she stared up at him imploringly with the widest eyes that still glistened, their colour identical to the woman who was going behind bars.

"Missed you." She whispered, voice breaking towards the end. It was the first time she had spoken since she found her and the two words made his eyes water.

"I missed you too. Missed you so much baby." Will replied, tucking her hair behind her ears so he could see her whole face. "I'm so sorry baby. Daddy loves you so much."

A smile appeared on her cherry lips, her dimples not too far behind. Seeing them made it feel like nothing was wrong with the world and only the two of them mattered.

"Home?" She asked, her voice filled with so much innocence and hope that Will has to give himself some time before replying.

"Not yet, I'm sorry bubbles." He apologised, rubbing circles into her back. "Jay Jay still needs to come back and Maggie needs to bring you some medicine. She might even ask you to sleepover."

For once, Will was glad she was so eager to stay at his workplace. She had such wonderment surrounding his job, the thought of sleeping over at his work was almost a dream come true.

To finally see her mood pick up, her eyes glistening now with newfound happiness at the prospect of a sleepover, unaware of the connotations it had, Will allowed himself to feel good.

For now, all that mattered was that his daughter was rightfully back with her father and surrounded by family that would do anything for her.

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Five)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Friday

*** 

Jay

Jay scrubbed a hand down his face as Dr. Fredericks patiently waited for him to, you know, actually talk.

“You know what happened,” he began, figuring she’d at least heard through the grapevine if not directly from a few of her other first-responder patients. “With my sister and my brother.”

“I do.” Dr. Fredericks nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I know how you experienced it. I’d rather hear it in your own words.”

Rubbing a hand over his mouth, he slumped back in his chair, trying to gather his words. Dr. Fredericks waited. Infuriatingly patient, as always.

He couldn’t—he didn’t want to revisit that day. Any of it. But he knew the drill by now—knew he had to if there was any hope of getting a handle on it. The only way out was through and all that shit. Jay took a breath and tried to centre himself.

Slowly, haltingly, he told her everything. Every horrifying minute. Listening to the attack. Thinking that Bex—that she was dead before he could even get to her. Emery. And then Will. How he can’t stop hearing or seeing any of it whether he’s awake or asleep. How he’s trying to keep it together for Bex—trying to keep Bex together while she’s slowly falling apart before his eyes. Pretending she’s fucking fine.

Like any of them are.

They talked through his feelings of ‘misplaced’ guilt—Jay didn’t know if it would be possible to ever fully rid himself of that—and his extremely justified anger at Ty.

“I just—I want him gone,” Jay snapped out. “I don’t want him to ever be able to touch my family ever again. I’m doing everything I can think of to make that happen, but none of it feels like enough.”

Dr. Fredericks tilted her head at him. “What have you been doing?”

“I can’t work the case, obviously,” Jay said, still aggravated about that. “But I remembered my dash cam was on and it caught the phone call with Bex so I’ve handed that over. You can hear Ty pretty friggin’ clearly on that so it should help the prosecutors.” Detective Medeiros kept reminding him how huge a help that actually was.

“Mouse and I have been staying with her so I know there’s always someone there,” he continued. “But—”

“…but?” she prompted.

“We both have to start back at work on Monday,” Jay sighed. “They’re letting us switch our shifts around so at least one of us will be there—most of the time anyway, but I—I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

“Return to work?”

“Leave Bex,” he said, shaking his head. “I tried to go for groceries on Wednesday and I-I had a panic attack in the parking lot of her building about leaving her alone. And Mouse was still there! I mean—I did it. I went. We needed food, but it…it was hard.”

“That’s understandable after a trauma like you’ve had,” Dr. Fredericks said. “Have you talked to Bex about your fears?”

“I don’t…no, no, I haven’t.” Jay sat up and grabbed the glass of water she’d set out for him. Gave his hands something to do. “Our oldest brother, Chris—he already had a talk with her along those lines this week.” Thankfully Chris had filled him in later because Bex hadn’t said a word. “I don’t—I don’t want to pile my shit on top of all that. I know she knows I’m worried about her. I keep checking on her while she’s ‘sleeping’—”

“Why the air quotes,” Dr. Fredericks cut in.

“Because I’m pretty sure she’s faking it,” he said, heart sinking all over again at the thought. “She went from waking us up with screaming nightmares to total silence in the span of a day. That doesn’t happen. But she’s resting, at least, and that was a huge fight to win.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “One battle at a time, right?”

“That’s—”

“I know.” Jay held up a hand. “Something I need to talk about with her eventually, but I’ve been in her place, Doc. Hurt and in pain and knowing that there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process. It’s—it’s shitty and sleeping with broken ribs is actually pretty hard. I want to give her a bit of space…on that front, anyway.”

“Okay.” Dr. Fredericks levelled a look at him across the coffee table. “If talking to Bex is off the table, for now, what else do you think can be done to help you feel more comfortable with returning to work.”

Aside from removing Ty Anderson from the face of the planet? Jay blew out a breath as he wracked his brain, running through all of their plans and back up plans and—

“I think…I think we might be doing everything we can? To keep Bex safe, I mean.” He bobbed a little nod. “Aside from rolling her up in bubble wrap or something.”

“Which wouldn’t be good for her ribs,” Dr. Fredericks pointed out with a small smile. Jay popped a finger gun at her. “Fair point.” He let out a little laugh before sighing and running a hand over his face. “Can you just…tell me it’ll get easier at some point?”

“How long have we been seeing each other, Jay?”

“Couple of years,” he said, not bothering with the actual math. “Off and on.”

“So,” Dr. Fredericks said, not giving him an inch. “What do you think the answer to that is?”

Not easier.

Not ever really with the way their lives went, but eased. With time and a hell of a lot of work.

They all had a long road ahead of them.

*** Bex

Bex watched the numbers on her phone turn over and silenced the alarm as soon as it went off. Kol snuffled as he wiggled closer beside her and licked at her chin. She gave him a little scratch behind his ear.

“Good boy, Kol,” she said. “You did a good job.”

He’d snuck into her room on Tuesday night as Mouse was leaving and snuggled in beside her. Bex wasn’t about to turn him away and around one a.m., she was extra happy for that decision when he nudged her awake right as a nightmare was headed toward screaming out loud territory.

She did not need another night of waking up Mouse and Jay and having them burst into her room thinking she was fighting off an attack. Again.

Kol got plenty of treats for his help and now three nights in, they’d managed to keep up their little system. He woke her up before the nightmares got too bad. Mouse and Jay got more sleep—mostly. Jay kept checking on her, but she was pretty sure he was sleeping in between checks. She was only managing to get a couple of hours a night, but it wasn’t like she was exerting herself much throughout the day anyway.

The nightmares would fade at some point. They had to.

In the meantime, Operation Stop Worrying Your Whole Family was under way.

“Okay,” Bex said, pushing Kol away gently. “Time to get up and face the day.” She was workshopping times for how early she could come out of her room and not have Mouse look at her with that tiny little frown line between his eyebrows, asking her if she got enough sleep.

Seven a.m. and eight a.m. were not it. Maybe eight-thirty would be the magic number.

Bex grit her teeth as she leveraged herself out of bed, ribs screaming at her. Most of her body was still one giant bruise and moving, standing, or sitting—everything friggin’ hurt.

Slowly, but surely, she made her way toward her door. Taking a deep breath—ow, OW, ow—Bex pasted a smile onto her face and headed out into the hallway…

Into a quiet apartment.

Hunh.

Will’s bedroom door was open with no Jay inside—right. He was going to therapy this morning. Bex hoped the empty room meant he was following through with that and actually made his appointment. She’d overheard enough whispered conversations between him and Mouse to know they were both still beating themselves over what happened. Like any of the blame fell on them.

She crept out into the living room, shuffling along while Kol pranced beside her. With a bark, he shot ahead, nosing at the balcony door and she finally spotted Mouse sitting out there cross-legged.

“Oh, hey!” He turned around at the noise, scrambling to his feet as soon as he saw her. Sliding open the screen door, he stepped inside, scanning her face with worried eyes. That stupid frown line starting to form. “Did you get—”

“Hey! Good morning to you too,” she said, dragging that smile back out. “What were you doing out there?”

“Ah. I, uh—” Mouse rubbed at the back of his neck. Blushing. Bex’s smile suddenly felt a lot less forced.

“Mouse…” she teased, stepping closer. “Spill.”

“I was trying out a meditation thing that Lucy keeps recommending to me,” he blurted out. “Like a quiet-the-mind-relaxation-thing—”

Because he was stressed. About her. About all of this.

“Did it help?” She mentally crossed her fingers, already planning to send Lucy cookies if it had. Even a little bit.

“Oh, I didn’t—I actually got distracted watching some birds chase a squirrel in the parking lot,” Mouse confessed with a little snort. “I think they were playing? I hope they were, otherwise those were some mean birds.”

Bex laughed, doing her best to stifle the groan that followed as she pressed a hand against her side. Mouse’s face fell instantly.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He crowded into her space, hand hovering over hers, carefully not touching. “I shouldn’t make jokes. Are you okay—”

“I’m fine, I—I don’t want you to stop making jokes,” she said. “Ever, okay?” She stared at him until he met her eyes again. “Promise?”

Mouse held her gaze before sighing and dropping his forehead to press against hers. “Promise.”

“Good.” Bex moved forward to wrap her arms around him and snuggle into his chest. “Let’s try this again. Good morning.”

“Morning, Bex.” Gentle, gentle arms wrapped around her, holding her close. “How about I make you some breakfast?” Mouse asked hopefully.

Her stomach rolled at the thought and Bex hid her grimace into shirt. “Sure,” she said. “That sounds great.”

***

Connor

Will sighed as his care team left the room and Connor sat quietly beside him, holding his hand while they both absorbed the big news.

“Guess I can cancel the rescue squad,” Will said, cracking a grin despite the dark circles under his eyes.

Connor snorted. “Like Severide would bust you out of here and risk Bex coming down on him.”

“Hey—ugh.” Will’s face fell. “I almost made a joke about how now was the best time since she’s out of commission, but—”

“Too soon.” Connor shook his head and Will nodded solemnly.

“Way too soon,” he agreed. “Think she’ll be coming by today or should we call her with the good news? Oh, we gotta talk to Jay and Mouse about moving stuff around so I can have space to maneuver. Our apartment isn’t exactly wheelchair friendly.”

Dr. Allan was letting him take very short walks, but he had to be careful due to the severity and placement of his wound. He couldn’t stress his abdomen while it was still healing which meant lots of bed rest and using a wheelchair more often than not to get around. At least for the next few weeks.

And Will was right about his apartment. Seemed like it was time for the discussion Connor had been prepping for in his brain over the past few days.

“So,” he cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Mm?” Will glanced at him before continuing to type out a list on his phone, head shooting back up when he registered the serious look on Connor’s face. “What’s up?”

“I think that it would be best if you came home with me instead of your apartment,” Connor said, squeezing Will’s hand gently when he instantly started to argue. “Just—wait, please. Hear me out.”

Huffing out a breath, Will sank back against his pillows, the fight draining out of him as quickly as it had flared up. “Tell me.”

“My place is bigger,” Connor began. “You’ll have more room so you won’t have to worry about bumping into anything.”

“At least if I bump into anything at my place, I’ll know it didn’t cost five grand a cushion,” Will snarked and Connor raised an eyebrow at him.

“What happened to hearing me out?”

Will mimed zipping his lips, making Connor laugh softly as he rolled his eyes.

“Better.” He leaned in and took Will’s hand again. “There’s a ramp to the building and the elevator is solid.” Will and Bex’s place had two steps to get in and Connor had a disconcerting lack of confidence in the elevator. “I’ve got a walk-in shower,’ he continued, trying to hit all of the highlights right off the bat. “It’ll be easy to make it accessible and you can’t deny that my mattress is way better than yours.”

Using his free hand to unzip his lips, Will said, “…I do love your mattress.”

Connor knew that would be a point in his favour.

“I know the biggest issue is that you want to be back with Bex,” he said and Will nodded. “But this would just be temporary and like you said, she’s trying to recover too. Jay and Mouse are there. They’ve got her covered. And I’m pretty sure they won’t be leaving anytime soon so five people trying to operate in your apartment is a recipe for disaster.”

“Five?” Will’s face scrunched up in confusion. Connor fought off the urge to sigh.

“Yes, babe, five,” he said. “You think I’m not going to be with you for every step of your recovery, no matter where you’re staying? I already talked to Goodwin about taking a leave.”

“Con…”

“Out of everything, that is the one thing that’s non-negotiable. I mean it.” Connor blinked back tears as his breath caught. “You don’t—you don’t know what it was like, Will. You got shot. Right in front of me—I was—you almost bled out in my arms. I thought you were going to die, that I was going to lose you and I couldn’t—” He swiped a hand over his cheeks, shaking his head. “It was the worst day of my life and I just…I don’t want to let you out of my sight for a little while, okay? Is that—will you let me do that? Please?”

Will opened his arms as Connor’s voice broke on those last words, letting Connor sink into them—carefully—and they held each other until Will whispered, “Okay.”

Connor sat back up, searching his face for any hint of doubt or reluctance, but he was smiling softly at Connor through teary eyes. “Are you sure?”

“You’re right about all of it,” Will said, chewing on his lip as he considered his next words. “Your space is a better set-up, but more importantly, I think it would be best for us to be together in that space. Mouse and Jay have Bex covered and we can still visit and like you said, it’s temporary. I’m not letting Jay steal Bex as a roomie now. He had his chance.”

Relief flooded through Connor as a week’s worth of tension just…disappeared. “That’s—thank you, babe.” He leaned in for a kiss. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Will said, quirking an eyebrow at him. “I’m calling dibs ‘not it’ on telling Bex about this.”

Connor sat back in his chair with a thump.

Well.

Shit.

***

Jay

Jay walked out of the doctor’s office and blinked at the sight of Voight and Olinsky standing next to his truck. His heart dropped.

What now?

“What’s going on?” he called out as he jogged over. “What happened? Is—”

“Bex, Will, and Emery are all fine,” Voight said, cutting off his immediate worries. “There’s nothing wrong with your family or the team, but we do need to talk.”

“Not here,” Olinsky added.

They both looked grim and Jay had about a thousand questions, but all he asked was, “Where?”

Voight jerked a nod at his truck. “Follow us.” He stalked off toward his vehicle without another word, assuming Jay would follow as ordered. He’d promised Bex and Mouse he’d be back right after his appointment, but something was clearly going down and Jay didn’t want to be out of the loop. Whatever it was, it was serious enough for them to track him down at his therapist’s office.

He shuddered to think of how many privacy laws they’d violated to do that.

Jay got in his truck and followed them out of the lot, bracing himself for whatever shit was coming their way now.

***

Hank

Al was silent beside him as they drove toward one of the abandoned industrial yards that Hank preferred for meetings like this.

Silent and yet incredibly loud in his judgment.

“Spit it out,” Hank growled.

“Is this really the right way to play it?” Al sighed.

“I’m not going to risk someone else breaking the news,” he shot back. “We need to catch him off-guard. See his face.”

“You don’t actually think he had anything to do with it.” Al turned and Hank could see him staring at him out of the corner of his eye.

“I hope not,” Hank said slowly. “But I also know we’re all capable of almost anything when someone threatens our family. And I think I have to see his face to know for sure.”

They rolled along the cracked pavement of the empty warehouse yard with Halstead pulling in close behind. He slammed the door of his truck as he got out, striding over to stand with vibrating impatience as he waited for them to join him.

“What the hell is this about?”

Hank waited until he was right in front of him. Eye to eye. “Ty Anderson is dead.”

Halstead blinked, unmistakable shock crossing his face. Unfiltered.

Good.

“What the—when? How?”

“Stabbed,” Al piped up. “Tuesday night. They did an internal investigation that came up as ‘fucked around and found out.’ Which tracks.” He shrugged. “Detective Medeiros only found out about it last night and came knocking on our door this morning.”

“She said he was found in section of the prison where the cameras were on the fritz,” Hank said, still watching Halstead carefully. “Nobody saw anything. Nobody heard anything. He bled out before he was found.” He waited a beat. “She wanted to know if we’d heard anything.”

Halstead narrowed his gaze. “Asked me what you dragged me out here to ask me.”

“We just want to know if anybody’s gonna hear something,” Hank said, crossing his arms as he stared right back. “Better to do clean up now than be caught with our pants down later.”

Closing his eyes, Halstead shook his head as he took a deep breath. “What?” he demanded, shooting a glare at both of them. “You think I had something to do with this? Ordered a hit?”

Hank shrugged. “Wouldn’t blame you.”

“If I was going to kill him,” Halstead snarled, jabbing a finger at him. “I would have done it that day. At Emery’s. He’s fucking lucky Hailey was there to stop me.” He shook his head and let out a harsh breath. “No,” he said, a little bit more even this time. “I wouldn’t—I didn’t have anything to do with it…but I hope whoever did? Made it hurt.”

The crime scene photos flashed through Hank’s mind. “You got your wish there, kid.”

Halstead went quiet for a moment. Calculating. “…was it you?”

The thought had crossed his mind. Briefly, hours later in the aftermath, when he’d met the sunrise in his kitchen with a bottle of scotch at his side. He knew enough people, had enough money, and was owed enough favours to make it happen.

But Al had shown up, tugged the bottle out of his hand and halted his silent plans with a quiet word. She wouldn’t want that. Don’t put it on her.

“No,” Hank said, meeting Halstead with a steady look of his own. “None of us.”

Halstead nodded, relaxing minutely before flinging out a hand. “Then who?”

“Guy like Ty,” Al said. “The possibilities are endless.”

***

Statesville Correctional Center

Peters

Nathaniel Peters had worked at Statesville for the better part of twenty years and has crossed paths with all kinds of inmates. Mean ones, innocent ones, friendly, scared, pissed off…

All kinds.

But only one had ever truly unnerved him.

Robert Forrest. Or Ramsay as he was better known as. His crimes of record were hacking and embezzlement, but the cops and the feds and the rest of the suits had no idea who they were really dealing with. The other criminals did though and Peters had heard all of those rumours. Witnessed enough violent outbursts to believe them.

Most of the more violent residents at Statesville had a kind of anger that Peters could understand. A rage that burned hot and fast, leaving a path of destruction before flaming out. It passed.

Ramsay. He was nothing but rage. A constant fire that burned cold. Controlled. He wielded his anger like a knife and there was no running once he had you in his sights. The hunt was all part of the game for him. It didn’t matter if he did the killing or if he paid one of his many pawns. As long as there was blood in the end, he was happy.

Peters was very invested in keeping Ramsay happy.

The guard before him had already up and ‘quit’ abruptly. Ramsay paid the warden well enough that he had the run of the place. The way Peters saw it, he might as well play nice and earn his extra money while he could. Stay on Ramsay’s good side…such as it was.

As soon as he had enough for that little fishing hut down in Florida, he was out of here.

In the meantime, he’d be the best damn pawn in Ramsay’s arsenal.

Knocking on the door of Ramsay’s cell, he waited for permission before sliding open the window. “Some detective’s asking questions,” Peters said. “But the warden has it handled.”

“And Mitchell?”

“Says thank you for the bonus,” Peters said, holding back a snort. The other guard jumped on the job as soon as it was offered. Didn’t hurt that he’d been itching to deal with Anderson since day one. “He’s waiting until the questions die down before taking his early retirement. Everything’s holding up so far. Nothing to tie back to him.” Ramsay hummed, pleased. “I do appreciate tidy work.” There was a pause before his face suddenly appeared in the window, taking everything Peters had not to flinch.

“Do you think she’ll be pleased?” Ramsay asked, eyes wide and unsettlingly earnest.

“Who—”

“My songbird, you idiot,” Ramsay hissed. “My Bex. Do you think she’ll like her gift?”

“Y-yeah,” Peters managed to get out. “I think she’ll be real grateful.”

Ramsay backed away from the door with another little hum. “Good. Maybe I should send her some more flowers. To help her recuperate.”

“I’ll get right on that,” Peters said as he slid the window closed. He shuddered as he walked back down the hall. He might be a coward and a pawn…

But at least he wasn’t Ramsay’s girl.

***

  Jay

Grateful felt like the wrong word when someone had been murdered—even someone like Ty—but Jay wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t relieved.

Ty was gone.

He could never touch his family ever again.

For the first time in a week, Jay felt like he could actually breathe.

“What now?” he asked Voight.

“Detective Medeiros gave us permission to let the most important people know so that’s where we’re headed next,” Voight said, jerking his chin at Jay. “We were going to hit 51, Med, and then your place. Coming with?”

“Yeah,” Jay nodded. “Definitely.” He needed to be there for this. To let Emery, Will, and Bex know they were safe.

No matter how it happened, that part he truly was grateful for.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3 [A/N - please do click over to read on ao3 because there are some important notes at the end of the chapter to read]:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @lookingfortherainbow85

[lady-rhaesnow]

"Say goodbye"

Saying goodbye is always difficult. She had always wondered what it would feel like when the time came. She just never imagined it would feel like this.

[Upstead family fic]

Read it on AO3 and FFN

A very big thank you to @girlinlotsoffandoms for the wonderful support and loving Ella as much as I do!

[maryannecrimsworth]

Upstead

I'm super frustated with upstead and now i just want a happy ending for Hailey

Would you guys read a fic about a single father of two girls, former FBI profiler, who helps the intelligence unit to catch a group of incendiaries? Please like this post if you would

idk, i just imagine him and upton interaction and i think it would very great -- she needs someone who doesn't leave her, come on

anyway, that's it

bye~

[ingeniousmindoftune]

THE RUNAWAY..P1

Description: in which you were a sex trafficked victim. Jay is undercover as Dorian when he meets you. Feeling unloved and distance between him and Upton, he forms a romantic and secret relationship with you. But, your romantic relationship could come at a deadly price.

Request: Can you do a Jay Halstead one?

Pairing(s): Jay Halstead as himself/Dorian Grey x African!American Reader.

This is part one of many. Think of this as the prologue.

Warning(s): unconsensual sex, abuse, mentions of gore, triggering actions, trauma, adultery, double life, some Smut, some fluff, and more. If you aren’t the age of 18 do not interact. Negativity will get you blocked. Read at your OWN risk! 2K words

———————————————

“Hi.” You grinned rolling over to his side of the bed, lying on top of him.

Your leg wrapped around his leg as he laid under the Snow White comforter and sheets in the fancy hotel room he’d gotten for the two of you. He planted a kiss on your lips. “Hey, Goodmorning beautiful.” You smiled, rubbing your hand back and forth on his chest. For months, you and Dorian (Jay) had been in an intimate relationship behind closed doors, and behind his boss. (Undercover)’s back. You were a runaway at the age of fourteen, you lived on the streets until you met a man you knew as Kevin Rayez, you thought he was kind and sweet and he was at first. He was kind, sweet and generous. He had taken you in, fed you, clothed you. He was grooming you, over time you and him forged a relationship. Sexual relationship. The creep didn’t even wait until you were old enough. He pursued you at just the age of sixteen.

Then once you were in your thirties, things went to bad.. to worse.

He would force you to sleep with his friends, and other men while he got paid for it. From there, he trafficked you around the world. Forcing men on you until you were in your twenties. When you were twenty-two, he forced you to start running the house with the girls he’d trafficked over the years. You were still his top girl so occasionally you’d still have to mess around with the men he told you to or he’d beat you. You’d tried to run, but that didn’t end too well.

Then, along came Dorian Grey. (Dt. Jay Halstead.)

[Flashback: The Introduction]

You sighed deeply looking at the red and blue bruises that covered your body, along with the bite marks from the man in the other room. “Get showered and dressed, I have someone coming and I would like you to be dressed and looking good, and cover those up.” He plants a kiss on your cheek. “Alright?”

“Ok.” You simply responded, he slapped and grabbed your bottom, giving it a nice squeeze. “Okay what?”

You looked up at him and forced a smile. “Ok, daddy.” He smiled. “Good, good. Be down in five minutes, be longer and things won’t be good for you. Okay?” He planted a kiss on your forehead then your head. You nod your head going to turn on the shower, you step inside delicately using your body scrub over your body, your soap and body wash. Once your routine was finished, you cleaned your coochie with water and the outside with your feminine wash. Having all of these men running through you, it made you feel dirty. You wanted out but it had become too hard to walk away from this life.

“You made it, and just in time too.” Kevin smiled up at you. “Come, come..”

You smiled a tight-lipped, forced smile, walking around the couch and sat next to him. You held your head low, and over to him. “Babe, this is someone I want you to meet..” he pulls you in closer, your eyes went from Kevin’s that was holding your wrist and pulling you closer to the man standing in front of you. Tall, beautiful man. His blue eyes pierced straight through her soul, the corner of his lip rounded as if he was about to form a smile. You nervously reached out your hand. “Hi.” Dorian shook your hand. “Hi. I’m Dorian.” He smiled.

“Y/n.” You introduced yourself back.

Kevin removed the two of your hands. “Dorian, this is my wife. As long as you’re staying in my home and, handling my business.. I would appreciate that you keep your eyes and hands to yourself,” he kissed your lips, then your neck. “This one’s all mine.” You forced a smile looking at Dorian in the corner of your eyes, he was observing the body language between you two. It spoke volumes.

“All right. I can assure you, I’m not here for that. I’m just here to help out here as much as I can.”

Kevin nods. “Good, you came highly recommended by Daniel, so don’t disappoint. I usually don’t let outsiders in on my operations, but, if Daniel says you’re cool.. you’re cool with me. Baby, why don’t you go and grab me and the man some drinks. And get dinner started? Yeah?”

“Okay, daddy.”

You stood up and walked out the room. You went to Kevin’s office grabbing his scotch and two glasses. Filling both with ice, walking out you handed Kevin’s to him, and went to hand over Dorian’s. His hand touched yours and it caused your hands to shake and a feeling you’d never felt down your spine. “Thank–” He started until you accidentally bumped your toe on the edge of the coffee table spilling the scotch all on Dorian. “Ouch!”

“What the hell woman?” Kevin stood up looking down at you, slapping you hard across the face sending you to the floor.

The glass broke and a piece went into your arm. Dorian’s jawline clenched. “It was an accident, Kevin.” He got down beside you, helping you clean up the mess. “She can take care of that on her own. She’s so incompetent.” You wiped your tears with your bloody arm. “I-I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.” You apologized. Kevin scoffed. “Leave her, Dorian.”

“Boss, she’s hurt.. just let me wipe her wound.”

Kevin smacked his lip. “When you’re done, meet me in my office. Down the hall, first door on the right. We will get you another drink.” He looked down at you. “And when you’re done, you think you can manage to whip up dinner without injury?” You nod. “Words. Speak.” He pressed his fingers together moving his hand up and down. “Yes. I-I can manage.”

“Are you ok?” Dorian asks helping you to your feet

You just looked him in the eyes. He held your waist. “Y-yes. You should go.” He shook his head. “I'm good. Where’s the first aid kit?” You pointed towards the bathroom. “In the cupboard.” He nods, going to get that, you sighed and hissed as you looked at the blood running down your arm. Shaking your head, you just wanted this all to be over. And wanted to just.. go away. Dorian entered the room with the supplies, once he cleaned up your wound, he helped you clean up the glass.

“Thank you.” You said to him standing to your feet. Your eyes locked with his. His with yours.

He smiled lightly. “No problem, Y/n. How’s your toe?” He chuckled, you blushed shaking your head. You were about to answer when you heard someone clearing their throat. “Tonya.” You stepped back from Dorian, turning your attention to her. “What’s going on here?” Tonya was Kevin’s sister, and business partner. She also was the only one who truly seemed to care about you and your well being, and always protected you when she could from her brother. “Nothing.” She nods her head, “Run along.” She told you. You sprinted away.

[end of flashback]

“You know it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about us, Dorian.” You sighed, placing your chin on his chest

He leans down kissing your lips. “He won’t find out, and just trust me.. soon, I’ll get you away from him.” He ran his hand up and down your back as he held you in his arms. “I want you right now, climb on.” You giggle, getting on his stomach, pushing yourself down to his hard-on, you moaning as you slowly road his dick pressing against his stomach. “Mmm,” you moved your hair to the side as you rode him up and down, he held your hips, guiding you up and down. “Mm, shit. Give me a kiss.” You leaned down, careful not to break your rhythm, his lips pressed against yours. You both moan in sync. You giggle as he flipped you both over, thrusting in and out of you

“Mm, yes!” You moan.

You both stared into each other’s eyes intensely. You broke eye contact, you couldn’t no longer look him in the eyes as you moaned louder, creaming all over his dick as his thrust became harder and deeper. “Ohhh! Dorian!! Fuckkkk!” You screamed out in pure pleasure.

-Hours Later-

You sat up on your knees. “Mm, you leaving?” You pout.

“Yeah, I have some work I have to do. I’ll come check on you later. You sure you gonna be okay here until I’m able to make it back?” He holds your naked body to his clothed, his hands running down your soft brown skin, over the scars, the bruises. “I can’t wait to get you away from him, this life.. you don’t deserve this.”

“Dorian, let’s be real. You can’t take me away from him. He will kill me.”

He shook his head kissing your shoulder. “I’ll never let that happen, you hear me? I love you.” You looked him in the eyes. “W-what?” He smiled, kissing your lips. “You heard me. I love you. Imma protect you.”

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

-As Halstead

Jay walked into the locker room, sighing deeply. He looked at the photo of him and Hailey that was taped to the locker. Jay was always an honest, caring, loving and noble man. And he loved Hailey. But he loved Y/N.. more if that made sense. Hailey and Jay had been having marital problems for a long time. She’s always been distant with him.. off putting. A little like Y/n in a way but, things with Hailey were just.. sideways. They were separated right now, and he’s been working undercover for the last couple months, but today was the day he’d officially came back to the unit.

His double life was starting to take a toll. He never intended to fall in love with you, but he had. He felt ashamed , unlike himself. And he didn’t know where to begin or.. how he would even tell Hailey that he’s stepped outside of their marriage— even if they were separated– and now you were carrying his child. And he needed to get you out of the situation you were in while Kevin was out of the country on business. “Halstead?”

Jay was knocked out of his trance. He grabbed his badge wrapping it around his neck, grabbing his jacket and closing the locker behind him. “Ruzek.”

The boys shared a brotherly hug. “So glad to have you back.” Jay nods and smiles. “Thank you.” Upton entered the room, she rubbed the skin between her thumb and index finger, Ruzek smiled. “I’ll leave you two to it.” He patted his back, before leaving. Jay rubbed his neck slightly. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She smiled a toothless smile, looking at the man she did love but found herself becoming distant.

He didn’t know and she didn’t know the man he was becoming. “I been calling..” she trailed off. “Yeah, I know I’ve been meaning to get back to you, but you know how it is being under, I can barely get away. You know.” She nodded. “Yeah, but how’s things going?”

“Uh.. it’s gotten complicated but, I’ve gotten closer to–”

He was cut off. “Hey, upton- Halstead!” Kevin smiled walking over and embracing Jay with brotherly love. “Glad you here but hey, we just caught a case.” Jay nods. “We can talk about this later.” He looked at her, walking past and going to the briefing room. It all felt so weird, being back here, being around his friends. If all just felt weird and out of place. He looked down at his phone seeing a message from Tonya.

Tonya: 911. Out back.

He frowned. “Hey uh.. I gotta,” he didn’t speak another word, he grabbed his jacket and wrapped it around him rushing out, he closed the gate doors behind him and walked out the back of CPD. He furrowed his brows.

“So it’s true..” Tonya chuckled shaking her head. “You’re a fucking cop!?”

Jay held his hand up. “Tonya..” she scoffed shaking her head. “None of that matters right now, I went back t the hotel to pick up Y/n..” he furrowed his brows. “Okay and? What happened? Where is she? Please tell me you didn’t bring her here.”

“She’s missing.” Tonya told him. “When I got there..”

She was cut off by Upton running out back. “Jay, we leaving? You coming? Is everything ok?” He rubbed the back of his neck. Tonya laughs. “Wow. Jay? What’s your real name.” He sighs. “Jay.. Jay Halstead.” She sucked her teeth. “You go. Do your job. I’ll find her..”

“Wait,” Jay moved closer to her. “Don’t tell her about this. I want to be the one to tell her and don’t tell your brother.”

She laughs. “I won’t. Long as you keep me out of your little Investigation.. but there’s something you should know.. when I got back to the hotel, there was blood everywhere. You might want to come clean about being in that room or.. stall your people.. I’m sure they investigating it. I can have-”

“Wait hold up, go back, there was what? WHAT ARENT YOU TELLING ME, TONYA!?”

Upton just stood there. Confused, trying to make out what was being said until she heard him shout. Tonya pointed her finger in his face. “It’s gonna be handled. I’m sure she’s all right. I will find her.”

“No.. no.. imma find her.” He brushed past her. “Halstead!” Voight shouted.

Jay turned and looked at him and upton, “Get in.” He told Tonya, she ran around getting in the passenger. He got in his truck and started up the vehicle, speeding out the precinct. “Why you didn’t lead with that Tonya? I need details.. everything you saw or can remember..”

“I’m sure she’s fine.. Dorian, Jay whatever the hell your name is. My brother wouldn’t kill her. If anything he’d rough her up.”

Jay shook his head. “And you think that’s okay?” She shook her head. “No. But I did warn the two of you to stop what you’re doing. If she’s killed, it’s on you.” She spoke with venom looking away from the road over at him. “On you.”

“If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself.”

She shook her head. “Well something did. I don’t know what happened in that room but I’m actually scared.” Jay’s phone rung with Voight’s number. He let out a sharp exhale, answering. “Halstead. Where are you?”

“Something came up. I have to handle it.”

He shook his head. “You want to explain to me why the hotel we’re investigating has your undercover alias name on file? And why I have a room a mess, ransacked and blood everywhere. Jay, what’s going on? Come talk to me before you do anything stupid.. we can do this.. together.”

“This is my mess. I’m going to fix it. Just tell me, is there a body?”

Voight went silent. Jay pulled over and slammed on his break. “Voight, is there a body?”

“Yes.” Jay and Tonya both looked at eachother.

—————

Tags: @xsweetdellzx @laylasbunbunny @hinatasfleshlight @skyesthebomb @bbygirlchristina @lovesanimals0000 @briana-mishell24 @piccasoe @wandasbitxh @90sisthenew80s @tribalqueen20 @panicsinvirgo @star017 @zenxn20 @pearlkitten33 @rosegoldcoco

[sarahmadpeople]

Masterlist

The Boyz:

Danger (eric centric; angst/fluff)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Unappreciated (eric centric; angst/fluff)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Do you forgive me, hyungs? (eric centric; angst, mcd)

Chicago Med:

Family Dinner (Will Halstead x Jay Halstead x Halstead!Sister Reader)

A sight for sore eyes (Connor Rhodes x Halstead!Reader)

I’ve got you, Will (platonic Connor Rhodes x Will Halstead)

Original Fiction:

I can’t take it anymore (trigger warnings; mcd) ❗️

This feeling (trigger warnings; panic attack, phobia) ❗️

[1-800-papaya]

Masterlist

Fluff 😊| Smut 😳| angst 🥺| One-shot 1️⃣| Series ♾️|🟢= completed | 🟡= In Progress | 🔴= On Hold READER INSERT MASTERLIST REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Author note | I would like to acknowledge that I don't own any characters or lore mentioned in my stories except my original characters. Also, feel free to send me concerns or issues with my stories, master list, or anything.

Bookshelf

Jason Todd

Dean Winchester

Jay Halstead

Southern Caffeine 😊🟢 Southern Charm 😊🟢 Southern Hospitality 😊🟡 Not So Southern 🥺🟢

Bucky Barnes

Benedict Bridgerton

Charming a Duchess 😊🟢

9-1-1 & 9-1-1: Lone star

Mattheo Riddle

Other

Cowgirls Don't Cry 😊🥺1️⃣🟢

Think of you 🟡

[mel0809]

Undercover Intimacies

18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Ella Bennett (original character)

Jay Halstead, the badass detective from Chicago PD, sat back on the couch, watching as his girlfriend Ella prepared for their undercover assignment at a club. Ella, with her stunning looks and infectious personality, had a way of attracting everyone's attention. But tonight, Jay couldn't help but feel a bit protective. After all, Ella was his girl, and only he had the privilege of seeing her in all her glory.

As Ella rummaged through her wardrobe, Jay's eyes stayed locked on her every move. He had a feeling her outfit might be a bit too sexy for his liking, and he wanted to make sure it didn't reveal too much. After all, only he was allowed to see her like that.

"Hey, babe," Jay called out, his voice filled with a mix of concern and admiration. "You sure you wanna wear that to the club? It looks damn hot, but I don't want every guy in there drooling over you."

Ella turned to him, a playful smile dancing on her lips. "Don't worry, Jay. I know how to handle myself. Besides, you're the only one I wanna impress."

Jay stood up and walked over to her, his hands instinctively reaching out to adjust her outfit. He wanted to make sure it hugged her curves just right without revealing too much. His touch was possessive but filled with love, a silent reminder that she was his.

“Bend over”

Ella looked over her shoulder in amusement, “what?”

“Bend over for me”

Ella bends over in front of Jay. He looks for awhile, “yeah, don’t bend over.”

“Noted”, Ella laughs.

"Okay, babe," Jay said, his voice low and husky. "I trust you. But promise me you'll be careful and keep an eye out for any trouble."

Ella nodded, her eyes shining with affection. "Of course, Jay. You know I'm a damn good agent. I've got this under control."

With a final check to make sure everything was in place, Ella flashed him a mischievous smile.

After a successful night at the club, where Ella's skills and charm helped them gather valuable information, Jay couldn't wait to have her all to himself. As they left the club, he took her hand and led her back to his apartment.

As Jay and Ella entered Jay's apartment, the energy between them crackled with a mix of desire and anticipation. They had just successfully completed their undercover mission, and now it was time to revel in the intimacy of being alone together.

Jay closed the door behind them, his eyes fixed on Ella. A hunger burned within him, a hunger that only she could satiate. He reached out, gently cupping her face in his hands, his touch tender yet tinged with a raw need.

"God, Ella," Jay whispered, his voice husky with desire. "You have no idea how much I've been wanting this. Wanting you."

Ella's eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint as she leaned into his touch. "Then take me."

That’s all Jay needed to hear before their lips crashed together in a searing kiss, an explosion of pent-up passion. Jay's hands roamed freely over Ella's body, his touch setting her skin ablaze. As their tongues danced in a fiery embrace, their bodies pressed against each other, eager to merge into one.

In one swift motion Jay ripped the dress off Ella leaving her in a lace black set.

“Fuck me, Ella”

With a surge of desire, Jay lifted Ella effortlessly, her legs wrapping around his waist. He carried her towards the bedroom, their lips never parting. Their connection was electric, a whirlwind of emotions and physical longing that threatened to consume them both.

As they reached the bedroom, Jay gently laid Ella down on the bed, his eyes locked with hers, his love and desire shining through. He slowly undressed her, savoring every moment, worshipping her body with his hands and lips.

Their breathy moans fill the room.

“Please Jay, more”

Jay takes a nipple into his mouth making Ella squirm beneath him.

“Mmm”, Ella reaches and cups jays crotch making him let out a groan.

Jay pushes a finger into Ella. “Fuck you’re wet”

Not being able to wait any longer he thrusts into Ella

“Shhh, I know” Jay waits for Ella to become adjusted before he moves again.

Jay moans into Ella’s neck, “I love you”.

“I love you, Jay.”

Jays speeds up his pace.

“Jay.. I’m close…”

“I know baby, I know.” Ella finishes squeezing Jay making him finish as well.

In the aftermath, their bodies glistened with sweat, their breathing ragged and satisfied. Jay pulled Ella into his arms, holding her close, their bodies molded together as if they were made for each other.

[americaswritings]

When we fall | Part 1

Warnings (for all parts): Fluff, angst!!, description of injuries, blood, violence, use of guns, mentions of death, probably unaccurate policing/medicine

Summary: You moved to Chicago to start a new life. Working as a doctor alongside your brother Connor you make new friends and although you swore to yourself not to let any man in your life at least for a while, your promises fail when you lock eyes with a handsome stranger in a bar.

Words: 6k

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Doctor!Rhodes!reader

A/N: I just started watching Chicago PD (I'm on season 3 now) after I've been watching Fire and Med for years now. I just can't stand Voight so I only began watching for Jay and Burzek! And I am so in love with Jay. Please, this man is perfect. Just look at that handsome face!!

This is going to be a 3 part series I wrote on a whim. Originally I only planned on writing one scene, but then I figured it needed a backstory so this happened...

I have to say I am really proud how it turned out. I was just in such a flow when I wrote it that the story basically wrote itsself. I hope you enjoy and that the characters feel true to themselves :)

You had only began working at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center a few months ago, hesitant to work alongside your brother but knowing it was an opportunity, which would be stupid not to take.

Having moved to Chicago recently to be close with your brother after a messy break-up, you were still adjusting to your new life.

It was why you were more than relieved when you got along well with your co-workers, especially Natalie and her boyfriend Will.

They were understanding of your situation, were never bothered to show you where to find something at the hospital and made you feel welcome from the beginning as they invited you in on their group plans and joked like you were old friends.

Although you still felt a little uncertain at times to work with your brother, who had made himself a name as a brilliant trauma and cardiothoracic surgeon, he had been supportive since your decision to leave your old town behind and start a new life in Chicago.

Maybe, you thought, coming here had been exactly what you needed. A fresh start, a new beginning with new friends and no men to mess with your heart. At least for now.

“I told you I have sworn off men”, you sighed, shaking your head in amusement at Natalie’s try to play matchmaker. “They’re trouble. I don’t need that in my life right now.”

“Hey!” Will send you a look, though you knew he wasn’t mad. “She’s not wrong though”, April stated and Ethan next to her grinned. “I mean it though”, you said directed at Natalie. “I just want to focus on myself right now. My job. No dating for now.”

Everyone at the table nodded and you relaxed, glad you had found these people, who respected and supported you. “Cheers to that!” April raised her glass and you did the same when you noticed yours was empty.

With a groan you pushed yourself out of your seat and up, gesturing towards the bar. “I’m going to get another drink. Anyone want something?” They all shook their heads, already moving onto another topic.

As you made your way over to the counter you studied the people around you, trying to determine who was a cop, a firefighter and who a regular. Right in the beginning the others had introduced you to Mollys, claiming it was Chicago’s bar where first responders spend their time after shift.

Figuring it might come in handy to memorize some faces you let your gaze drift over the sea of people, recognizing a few men that Connor had once told you worked at the CFD. They were laughing loudly, beers in hand as they seemed to be talking enthusiastically about something.

At the table next to theirs your gaze came to a hold, your eyes caught by a man you had never seen before but looked slightly familiar. Your brows furrowed as you rummaged in your head for something that connected you to him, but you couldn’t find anything.

The people who sat with him didn’t look familiar either, consisting of men and one woman with chestnut hair. Your eyes drifted back to the man, who had caught your attention, his brown hair styled neatly and his hands wrapped around a bottle of beer that he just raised to his lips.

You didn’t meant to stare, but you were mesmerized, torn between trying to determine why he looked so familiar and captured by his effortless handsomeness.

He wore a green shirt, making you think his eyes were the same shade, although it was hard to know with the distance between you.

He seemed relaxed, leant back in his seat but listening to the others conversation attentively. Having sensed someone’s eyes on him he suddenly looked up, his eyes searching the room for a split second before they fell onto you.

Your face heat up as a blush crept up your cheeks, knowing you had missed your chance to turn away. The man raised his brows slightly, in confusion just as much as amusement it seemed, before he lightly lifted his bottle, as if he was saying cheers.

You clutched your glass a little tighter, glad that it had been refilled in the time you had spent gawking at him, and copied the movement, an unstable smile on your lips. Then you turned away, meeting Stella’s gaze from the other side of the bar.

The two of you had met when she had been at the hospital for smoke inhaling a while ago and you had clicked almost instantly, connected by your determination to hold your own in a field still dominated by men. And by your past with toxic relationships as you found out later.

“What was that?”, she asked, a teasing grin tugging at the corner of her lips as her eyes flickered between you and the man behind you. A part of you wanted to ask if he was still watching you, the other longed to forget it had ever happened.

“I don’t know.” You let out a dramatic sigh. “Can we just forget it ever happened?”

Stella’s face lit up, her curls dancing around her face as she shook her head. “Yeah, you wish. But that was definitely something.”

You exhaled, pinching your nose. “Thank you for the drink.” You saw Stella open her mouth in protest at your ignoration of her words, but before she could say anything else you send her an apologetical smile and hurried off.

No one seemed to have noticed your encounter and you slipped into the booth with ease, trying hard not to steal another glance at the unknown man a few tables away.

No men, you reminded yourself. Right now you needed to focus on getting your life together, not getting your heart broken by a handsome stranger.

-

“Dr. (Y/l/n)?” “Yeah?”, your head shot up from where you had filled out paper work. Because Connor and you were only half-sibling, you didn’t share the same last name, something you had been more than glad over when stepping foot in this hospital for the first time.

No one knew where you came from and that you shared genes with the successful Dr. Rhodes and you had left it at that at first, wanting to make your own impression first before dropping the information.

You could still remember their shocked faces, the questions, but most of all the excitement as they asked what Connor had been like growing up. If you had any embarrassing stories to tell or photos to show.

You didn’t, keeping them to yourself for now, because you hadn’t come here to make fun of your brother. He had been your rock through your breakup and your move here, something you were so grateful for you feared you would never be able to show him just how much.

“We have someone hit bit a bullet waiting in the three.” Your eyes widened. “Why didn’t they come with an ambulance?”, you asked, grabbing your iPad along the way.

Maggie waved off your comment, chuckling. “Cops. You know how they are.”

Actually, you didn’t. Coming from a small town you had no experience with shootings and gangs and many of the other trauma causes that were common here in Chicago. It was why you had been so excited about your job offer at the hospital.

Although you were still adjusting to the changes of living in a city and there were downsides you hadn’t considered before, you liked it. It felt so different, giving you the sense that in this city everything could be possible.

So many options and so many possibilities, as if you could completely reinvent yourself. It was thrilling, making you wonder how you had ever lived without the adrenaline rush of stepping into a busy ER.

Quickly scanning the information on your tablet you pulled open the curtain, clamping the iPad under your arm as you disinfected your hands.

“Hi, I’m doctor (y/l/n) and you are?” You glanced up, startled as you met the eyes of a familiar stranger. The man in front of you grinned, seemingly better at covering up his surprise. “Shouldn’t it say my name on your tablet?”

He didn’t sound rude, only a little sarcastic and perhaps even teasing. You gulped, trying to recompose yourself. “Right. I just prefer getting to know my patients myself than just relying on numbers and letters.”

You didn’t see his reaction when you grabbed your iPad again, glancing down at it. “So your name is Jay Hal-” “Halstead”, he finished for you and you looked up at him again.

It made sense now, why he had seemed so familiar to you nights ago at Mollys. “You’re Will’s brother.” The man in front of you, Jay, as you knew now, raised a brow. “Have you considered becoming a detective?”

He was mocking you, again, and you were tempted to smack him with your iPad. “So-”, he paused, letting his eyes drift over you. You felt your body tense under his gaze, cop’s eyes, and stood a little straighter.

“You were watching me at Mollys.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, biting your tongue. You could only hope the embarrassment that began to sink in didn’t show.

“I was not watching you”, you stated and he raised a brow, daring you to explain yourself. “I just thought you looked familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. Now it makes sense.”

You turned halfway towards the door, gesturing to the halls where somewhere his brother was treating another patient.

“I don’t think that’s the whole truth.”

You almost gasped at the confidence in his voice, instead blowing out a breath. “It definitely was.”

He shook his head, smiling. “I don’t buy it.”

There were many things you wanted to say to him, but you swallowed them, knowing it was no use. He clearly enjoyed teasing you, so you wouldn’t give him more fuel.

Instead you let out a sigh, shifting into professionality. “So, Mr. Halstead”, you began. “Jay is fine.” You tried not to let his interruption let you lose your string again and nodded. “Jay, you’re here for a bullet wound on your left upper arm?”

Jay nodded, his eyes- they really were green- bright. Pulling on your gloves you decided it was time to reclaim your own position a little. “And you decided to just walk in here instead of coming with an ambulance? Seems a little reckless, don’t you think?”

He raised one brow at your question. “It’s just a graze. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my boss.” He rolled his eyes, making you wonder what his boss was like.

“Seems like your boss is a lot smarter than you”, you muttered, but to your surprise Jay grinned. “You’re new here, right? At least I’ve never seen you here before. Do you always talk to patients like that?”

You shrugged, unbothered by his words as you stepped close to him to take a look at his arm. You didn’t know what had gotten into you to talk to him like that, but you had the feeling with him it was fine. That he could take it, perhaps even enjoyed it over your dry professionalism.

“Only to the ones I like best”, you said with sarcasm in your voice, too focused on inspecting his wound to check his expression.

Jay didn’t move under your touch, allowing you to move his arm before you let it go again. He had done this before, probably multiple times. It was why he was so unbothered, perhaps even annoyed to waste his time here on something that seemed unsignificant to him.

For a moment you were tempted to ask him how he could choose a job that demanded such sacrifice, but you didn’t know him and you doubted he would give you an honest answer. Not that you could blame him. You were practically strangers.

And was your job much different? Although you had never been hurt and doubted it would ever happen, you were still making countless of sacrifices for it. Taking on extra shifts, working through the nights, staying longer to take more time for your patients and putting their health over your own sometimes.

“It’s just a graze shot”, you said when you were done inspecting the wound, ignoring his look that seemed to say “told you”.

“But you still need to be careful with it. Give it rest, avoid any rapid movements, don’t lift too heavy with it…I think you know.”

Jay nodded, watching you remove your gloves. “Does that happen often?” He tilted his head in question and you bit your lip. “I mean, you- getting shot on the job.”

“Are you asking if I come here often?” His lips were curled into a lopsided grin, looking way too handsome on his features. You rolled your eyes at his teasing, ignoring the way your heart beat a little faster in your chest. “Forget it”, you stated, throwing your gloves into the bin.

“I am going to tell one of the residents to come and bandage the wound. Then you’re free to go.”

But before you could move the curtain again and leave the room you heard Jay’s voice behind you. “Wait.”

You paused, turning back to him slowly. For the first time he wore a serious expression, his jaw twitching.

“I’m with the Intelligence”, he stated, in a way that told you the name should ring a bell. It didn’t. You were too new to know much about it.

Jay seemed to sense it by your lack of a reaction to his words. “We’re…very involved in the City.”

Whatever that meant. You tilted your head in question. “You mean with the gangs?”

Jay shifted. “Voight, my boss, he can be very- intense.”

You nodded slowly, taking in his guarded expression. It was a topic you wouldn’t pry at. “And you’re okay with it? I mean- you’re just so…casual about this.”

You bit your lip, hesitant to ask him but curious as well. The cops in your home town had barely ever used their weapon to the point you sometimes even doubted they were able to.

Jay shrugged nonchalantly. “Before I worked for the CPD I was in the army. I’ve been through a lot worse than a graze. Getting shot at is just another part of my job.”

A veteran.

In such a short amount of time Jay had revealed so much to you. Suddenly you had a lot more respect for the man in front of you and you wondered if that was his way of coping, covering up his battle wounds and scars with sarcasm and wit.

You swallowed, trying to find words. But none seemed fitting. “Sounds like I will be seeing you here often then.” You kept your voice emotionless, although the thought of seeing Jay regularly made your heart speed up a little. Of course you would prefer different circumstances.

Damn his handsome face and wit.

He grinned slightly, shifting the atmosphere back to something lighter. “Don’t get too excited. I prefer staying bullet free.” “As you should.”

Typing something into your iPad you gave Jay a final nod. “Stay safe out there.” Then you turned to the door, already halfway out when you heard his voice again.

“I don’t even know your name.”

You froze, smiling to yourself when you tried not to put too much weight into the fact that he had called you back a second time. It seemed almost as if he didn’t want you to leave just yet.

But you pushed the thought aside, knowing it was pointless. You couldn’t let yourself get distracted so easily.

Turning back to him you put on a polite smile.

“You’re a detective, figure it out.”

You were surprised by your own confidence, but with Jay you didn’t feel shy or insecure. He made you feel like you could say anything and he wouldn’t mind. The type of man that didn’t get upset easily, so comfortable with who he was that it took a lot to get him to lose his temper.

“I could just ask my brother, you know.”

You shrugged, unimpressed. “If that lets you sleep at night, sure.”

You left the room smiling to yourself and it took you another few minutes to calm your rapid heart and collect yourself.

-

“You didn’t tell me you have a brother!” “What?” Will looked up from the computer, startled by the way you had barged into the break room.

Your shift was over and you couldn’t wait to get home and relax on the couch, but before that you needed to talk to Will. Because after encountering the other Halstead your mind hadn’t been able to let go of what had happened between the two of you. The way he had looked at you, teased you. How he had made you feel nervous and confident in just a matter of moments.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a brother?” You leaned on the desk, sure that you had Will’s full attention now. “You didn’t tell us you had a brother the first few weeks either.”

“That’s different.” You shook your head. “And I did tell you. So…?”

Will leaned back in his chair, stretching his back. “I didn’t think it mattered. I would have introduced you eventually but- wait, is Jay here?”

You bit your tongue, feeling a little caught. You hadn’t thought that maybe Jay didn’t want his brother to know what had happened. But it was too late now, and anyway, how should you have known?“

"He was. He is fine though.” You kept your words vague, aware that you weren’t allowed to share personal information with Will. Even if they were brothers.

Will let out a sigh. “That idiot. Probably got himself in trouble again.” He reached for his phone across the desk and you quickly got up, straightening.

“You didn’t get it from me”, you threw in before Will could drag you into it and he looked up at you with curiosity in his eyes. “I wasn’t going to mention you.”

“Oh.” You nodded, feeling relieved yet a little flustered. Will studied you with attentive eyes, reminding you of his brother for a second before his expression shifted into suspicion.

“So you met Jay.” He said it in a way that proposed something meaningful behind his words, but you couldn’t figure out why. “I did.” You shifted your weight to the balls of your feet before swaying forward again. A nervous habit. “I bet he’s the younger one.”

“He is, yeah.”

You suppressed a grin. It made so much sense. “So I should probably head home now. I got the early shift tomorrow.”

“Right.” Will nodded, the phone in his hands seemingly forgotten as his eyes were still fixed on you. “Did something happen between you and my brother?”

Your heart sank a little. Were you really so obvious? “I told you I’ve sworn off men. And your brother is- annoying.”

You wished the last part didn’t sound like it came straight from a five year old’s mouth, but it was too late to take back.

“Trust me, I know that.” Will let out a sigh, but you could see the fondness in his eyes. The gesture alone told you they had a close relationship.

A cop and a doctor. What a pair.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

-

Weeks had passed since you had last seen Jay. He hadn’t shown up in the hospital again, which you were both glad for and disappointed at, and since you had been taking on extra shifts for a sick co-worker, you had spent almost all your time at the hospital or passed out in your bed.

“You haven’t gone out with us in weeks!” Sylvie was currently trying to convince you to come to Mollys. You had gotten to know her through Stella and the two of you had gotten along well, her sweet and kind nature something that made you feel comfortable around her instantly.

Although you had quickly learned not to underestimate the girl. She was working with a bunch of guys after all and had learned to stand her ground with them.

Sylvie could be very persistent, you realized again when she had called you to invite you to a girl’s night out. “Stella won’t be working today, so it’s our chance to spend the night as just us girls.”

You gnawed your lip, thinking. You were tired, craving your couch and tv more than going out again, but Sylvie wasn’t wrong, you had been mostly on your own the past days. Being a little social and getting out of your own apartment would probably be good.

“Urgh, fine”, you groaned. “But you’re paying my first drink.” You knew Sylvie was smiling triumphantly on the other end of the line. “Deal.” “Now get your ass over here!” It was Stella’s voice in the background and you chuckled. “You are the worst!”

“And you love us anyway”, she chirped and you hung up, shaking your head with a smile on your face.

You hadn’t thought about impressing anyone when getting ready, but you were more than glad you had put a little effort into your outfit and make-up when you stepped into Molly’s that night, your getup like a wall build around you.

“You came!” Stella crossed the room, her voice loud enough for a couple of heads to turn towards you. You could kill her for drawing attention to you, but you forced a smile onto your lips instead, trying not to look at anyone except her.

“Hey”, you muttered, shrugging out of your coat and hugging her. “Wow, girl you look stunning!” Stella’s eyes flashed up and down your body as she let go, a smirk on her face.

“A little quieter, please?”, you almost whispered, aware that you still had the attention of the people around you. Stella seemed either completely oblivious to it all or unbothered, because she grinned at you. “Looking like that you will draw attention to you whether you like it or not!”

You felt your cheeks heat up a little, glad when you spied Sylvie making her way over. “I told her not to make a scene, but she wouldn’t listen. You know how she is!”

You hugged her too, smiling as Stella let out a breath. “I did not make a scene. And I’m standing right here, you know?”

Laughing, the three of you made your way to the back, where you slipped into a booth, your drink already waiting for you. “You know me so well”, you told Stella as you took your first sip, relaxing a little now that the attention had mostly vanished.

“I got you, girl!” Stella winked at you, before launching into a story about their newest rescue. Soon you were enveloped in laughter and smiles, the stress of the last days forgotten for the night.

Only when Stella declared it was time for another round of drinks you felt the exhaustion return to your body. “I think I’m going to head home”, you told them, stretching a little in your seat. “Early shift tomorrow?”, Sylvie asked and you nodded.

“You’re way too selfless, taking on all these extra shifts”, Stella pointed out, but you waved her off. “I’m the new one, so it’s fine. Helps me get to know everyone and everything better and it’s not like I have much to do in this city yet. I only got my gym membership, but I didn’t really have time to look for anything else.”

“See? That’s exactly why you need time off! You should be out exploring the city!” You smiled at Stella’s enthusiasm. “It’s not like it won’t be here tomorrow. I’m planning on staying here, so there’s plenty of time to get to know it all.”

Sylvie offered you a smile. “I’m glad you do. I know it can be quite an adjustment to move to a big city like Chicago, but it will feel like your home in no time.”

You felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest as you thought back to the past months, which had been filled with nothing but heartbreak, loss and a turmoil of emotions. Even as you had decided to start a new life in Chicago, you had been filled with fear and uncertainty, scared to make the wrong call yet again.

Never could you have imagined to find a job, that was so challenging, but gave you a sense of purpose and a group of friends, that felt like you had met them long ago.

“It already kind of does”, you admitted, your eyes fixed on the empty glass in front of you before you looked up at them again. They both looked at you with big smiles on their faces and you almost felt tears fill your eyes. It had been a long day.

“We should do this more often”, you told them as you got up and grabbed your coat. “That’s what I said!” Stella nodded.

“And I still need to show you that spinning class. You would love it!” Sylvie sounded so excited that you couldn’t help but chuckle. “I am sure. Just text me and we’ll find something.”

“And you’re sure you can’t stay longer?”

Your eyes drifted to the counter as you considered staying for another drink, but your body felt heavy and almost sore from the day’s work. “Next time. But you two have fun and don’t drink too much”, you winked at them.

As you excited the bar you waved towards a few familiar faces before pulling your coat closer around your body to prepare yourself for Chicago’s cold.

Still you shivered as you stepped outside, pulling out your phone to order an Uber. Something you had only done once before, on your way here, but was an easy and quick way of getting around the city.

It would take a few minutes for your driver to arrive and you realized it would have been a lot smarter to wait inside, but you hadn’t thought of it then and you felt too proud to step inside again.

Pressing your hands together you rubbed them against each other a few times to create heat, before slinging your arms around your torso. Chicago’s harsh winters wasn’t something you hadn’t gotten used to yet, but the promise of snow lingering in the air made it almost worth it.

You heard the faint sound of the door opening and closing behind you so you took a step to the side of the building, not wanting to stand in the way of whoever had just left the bar.

To your surprise the person came to stand beside you, his presence alarming you until you glanced up to find none other than Jay Halstead standing next to you.

Immediately your body relaxed again, as if it knew by instinct his presence meant safety. “That was quite an entrance”, he greeted you, referring to the moment you had stepped into Molly’s.

You felt your cheeks flush at the memory, hoping he couldn’t see it in the dim light of the streetlamp. “I didn’t know you were here.” You kept your eyes trained at the empty street in front of you, willing and dreading the moment your driver came to pick you up.

“I was with the unit”, he said and you turned your head towards him. “Are you here often?” He shrugged, his eyes darting to the building. “I guess so, yeah. It’s the place where everyone comes.”

You nodded silently, contemplating his words. “But if I want to be alone, I go to the bar at the corner North Milwaukee Avenue.” You met his eyes curiously. Was he making recommendations, because you were new in the city or did he have another intention?

“So bars and hospitals. Everywhere else I can expect to run into Jay Halstead?” You didn’t know why you asked, but a part of you wanted to know. Wanted to know more about him, what his life was like, what made him who he was.

Jay grinned faintly. “You make it sound like I’ve got issues.” “Do you? Have issues?” You were teasing and he smirked. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t think I have.” Even as you said it you knew your words couldn’t be farer from the truth. Hadn’t your issues been what had led you here?

Jay watched you for a moment, seemingly picking up on your change of mood, but sensing you weren’t ready to talk about it. You appreciated it, welcoming the silence to sort your thoughts again.

“So what led you here to Chicago?” His question was innocent and something you had been asked countless of times since your move here, but for some reason you felt the urge to be open with him. No lies or excuses.

And even if Jay barely knew you, you thought he would be able to pick up on it. He must be an excellent detective.

“There were some…things I needed to leave behind.” It was vague, but more than you had told most who had asked. Only the girls knew about your breakup, but even with them you hadn’t shared many details.

Jay didn’t ask further, his grave expression suggesting he understood you better than you might have thought. “Why Chicago?” You glanced away from him, taking in the empty road, the skyline with its lights in the background. “I needed a fresh start, somewhere where no one knew who I am. And I got family here, so it made sense.”

You could feel his eyes on you and you swallowed before facing him again. For a moment your eyes locked, none of you saying anything as you started at each other. Jay was the first one to break the heavy atmosphere, a smile dancing at his lips.

“But you’re not a criminal on the run, are you? Because I would have to arrest you, if you were.” The tension that had risen in your body at the mention of your past vanished and you grinned, relieved about his ability to lighten the atmosphere. “What gave it away?”

Jay leaned a little closer, his eyes glistening. “Maybe the way you always look over your shoulder-” You inhaled. Was that really something you did? “-or that you’re nervous around me, a cop.”

The air you had held escaped you in a surprised sound and you hugged your torso a little tighter. “I’m not nervous around you”, you huffed, shaking your head. Jay grinned.

“How is your arm by the way?” You weren’t interested in talking about yourself any longer, shifting the topic onto him. Your gazes travelled down his arm where his jacket was covering the wound you had inspected. It seemed like forever ago and like yesterday at once.

“It’s good. Voight’s keeping me at a leash, make sure I’m 100% before I get into the field again.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, but you could hear the strain in his voice. He missed it, being out there on the streets.

“Sounds reasonable to me.” “Yeah.” Jay nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. It seemed like you weren’t the only one with secrets.

You looked up at the sound of a car nearing, a black car approaching the two of you. Checking your phone you held it up. “That’s my ride.”

But you only managed one step towards it before Jay pulled you back, his hand wrapped around your lower arm. You gazed at it, confused and startled by his reaction and he loosened his grip, his hand falling to his side after a moment.

“You know the guy?”, he asked, pointing to the man that was sitting behind the wheel, an impatient expression on his face.

Slowly you shook your head, your eyes flickering between the car and Jay. “But he’s my ride. See-” you held up your phone to him, but Jay paid it little attention.

“Yeah, no, you’re not climbing into that car”, he stated, his voice firm but not unfriendly. “Wait, what?”

Surprised you watched Jay walk towards the car, waiting for the driver to pull down the window before leaning in. You couldn’t hear what was said, only watched the two speak for a minute.

Their conversation ended with Jay handing the man money, before walking back towards you as the car sped away in the darkness.

“What the hell was that?”, you asked as Jay came to stand beside you again, his body just as relaxed as before. “You’re new in Chicago, right?” You didn’t say anything, knowing it was a question he didn’t expect an answer to.

“You should not be climbing into a car with a stranger. And not in the dark.”

Your head spun as you tried to process what he was implying. “It was just an uber! Everyone does that around here.”

You sounded clueless and defensive, shocked about the sudden change of events. Jay eyed you. “Well, then take it from me to never do that again. At least not alone. Chicago’s not a good place, especially for women, trust me on that one.”

You didn’t know what to say, blinking at him as the impact of it sank in. What if Jay hadn’t stepped outside? You doubted anything would have happened, but what if he was right and you had been reckless? Naive?

“So how am I supposed to get around the city then? Because driving in this traffic is madness.”

For the first time since your interruption Jay smiled again. “You can just ask me. I am much cheaper anyway. And on top you will get to see my face.”

You rolled your eyes over his confidence. “Now that’s a deal I can’t decline”, you muttered, fighting the grin that threatened to spread over your face and failing. Damn it.

“But for real, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just call you all the time I want to go somewhere.”

“It wouldn’t be a problem if we went together.”

Your eyes widened as you almost choked on the air. “You mean a date?”

Jay shrugged, his eyes not meeting yours for only a second. “You can pay me back for saving your ass twice.”

“Twice?”

“Getting into that car for one and saving you from freezing here on the street by driving you home.”

Smooth. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “Does that work with every woman you’re trying to impress?”

Jay shrugged, fiddling for something in his pocket before pulling out his car keys. You watched a car light up at the other side of the street, following Jay towards it.

“I wouldn’t know. And who says I’m trying to impress you?”

“Maybe because of this whole I’m-a-cop-and-I’m-so-tough-thing.”

Now it was Jay’s turn to chuckle. “That’s not just a thing. So, what are you saying?”

Oh. You bit your lip, considering the thought of going on a date with Jay. Hadn’t you just recently decided not to date and focus on yourself for a while?

But you couldn’t deny you wanted to say yes. To spend more time around him and enjoy the feeling of ease he gave you.

“Maybe.”

You said it with a teasing smile, scared Jay might take your answer in a bad way, but he sent you a confident grin. “I can work with that.”

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[squadmuse]

Squadmuse’s Masterlist

LAST UPDATED: 19TH AUGUST 2024

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- ONE DAY IN OCTOBER: PART I - PART II - PART III

WILL HALSTEAD 🖤

- ONE DAY : PART I - PART II

[kiddbegins]

Summary:

You knew it still hurts underneath my scars

From when they pulled me apart

But what you did was just as dark

Darling, this was just as hard

As when they pulled me apart

Fandom : One Chicago (character from Chicago PD, love interest Chicago Med)

Characters : Will Halstead / original female character, Connor Rhodes / original female character, Kevin Atwater & original female character

Relationship: m/f

Word count: idk

Warnings: fucking heart break? Idk,,,!:&/&/

A/n: idrk how I feel about how this came out but :)))))))))

[adri-2022]

Promise

Fandom: Chicago PD

Characters: Jay Halstead x FemReader / Olivia "Liv" Halstead

Warnings: fluff/ platonic

Word count: 1745

Jay Halstead Materlist

A/N: Hello guys. So I’m not entirely in love with this, I’m sorry if it’s not that good and I'm sorry for being a little disconnected. As Olivia "Liv" Halstead is Maggie Elizabeth Jones. Hope everyone likes this original idea.

Don't be afraid to leave your comment!

----------

Being a kindergarten teacher had its perks. For once you worked with the young, creative minds and had the chance to potentially make a positive impact on them. But other times it really sucked, for example like a couple of hours ago.

You were in your classroom having lunch by yourself as usual. When one of your students Olivia came to you with a troubled expression. Obviously you thought the worst about it, call it instinct.

“Hi, miss Y/N” her sweet voice said as she took a seat in front of your desk. You smiled at her being met with a small one in return.

“Hello sunshine. Are you okay?” you asked immediately putting your lunch on pause and giving your full attention to her.

“I’m sad” she said casting her eyes down, this made you furrow your eyebrows

“Can I help you? We can talk about why you’re sad” you asked warily but gently giving her a sympathetic smile while you searched for her eyes

“I don’t want to make you upset miss Y/N” she said as she fiddled with her little hands.

Why would you be upset? But then again, Liv was probably the most selfless child you have ever met and obviously she would say something like this. Even in her short years of age she always thought of others first, she was a really empathic kid.

“Little miss Olivia. It’s alright to talk about feelings, they are valid, and you would never make me upset” you said in a serious manner as you nodded encouragingly

“Even if it’s sadness, Miss Y/N?” “Even if it’s sadness” you confirmed nodding

“I don’t have a mom for mother daughter day party” she said looking at you with big green doe eyes as if you held the answer to every question. But before you could say something, she continued.

“My daddy said my mom went to a place called heaven and that she watches over me” she said sighing as she crossed her arms over your desk placing her chin on top. At her words you sighed too

“My mom went to heaven too, when I was your age” you said lips tight as you tried to keep your emotions at bay

“Why?” she curiously asked, making you avert your gaze before looking back at her and mustering a smile

“That’s how life works. Sometimes heaven needs more people to help watch over us” you said taking a deep breath

But how could you explain the concept of death to a little girl. You were sure that her dad had done the absolute best at it. Although you had only briefly talked a couple of times between drop out and pick up, and at teacher parent conference day. Nevertheless never touching the topic about Olivia’s mother. Jay Halstead seemed like a really great father to this little girl and quite frankly you didn’t want to overstep. You were broken out of your thought as you heard a little sob,

“But I don’t want her there” Olivia said as her little voice broke slightly along with your soul.

“Oh Liv. I’m sorry. I promise you, it will be better, one day you’ll understand” you said as you reached her side. Kneeling to her height and caressing her head as you hugged her

That conversation going on in circles in your head as you waited patiently biting good mornings to each of your students and their mothers at the drop line. While there was another conversation taking place in a car, as the passenger was getting ready for the drop off at school.

“Liv I’m so sorry I can’t come to your get together” Jay said guiltily as he sighed looking at his daughter through the review mirror. He was heartbroken knowing he had hurt and possibly disappointed the only important person in his life.

“You promised you would come” Olivia sadly said as she blinked rapidly in order to not let the tears fall as she avoided her father’s gaze

“I know. I know baby. But I have to go chase bad guys remember” Jay said turning to look at her once he parked in the drop line. A pained expression took place on his face when he saw her little tears.

“Hey-” he started as he was about to reach for her hand, stopping

“I know…” she whispered disappointed brushing her tears away before Jay could see her, but of course he already had

Before Jay could muster a response the back door was opened, and Jay met your eyes. Big smile on your face as Olivia climbed out of the truck, hand in yours for support.

“Hello little miss Liv” you said enthusiastically but as a response Olivia mustered an unenthusiastic ‘hello’. You glanced at Jay again smiling sadly before Liv waved goodbye to her father still not meeting his eyes.

“Hi I’m sorry. She’s in a bit of a mood. I broke a promise” Jay said as sad eyes followed his daughters retrieving figure.

“No worries. I understand. I’ll look after her, she’ll have a good time, I promise” you said smiling,

“Thanks for that. Have a good day” Jay shared a smile as he shook his head before biting goodbyes

You both had a thing for each other, but neither had made a move upon it. You had always stayed professional for the sake of Olivia and so has he. There were always lingering looks at parent-teacher conferences, but they were ones of admiration. Add obviously the fact that you are his daughters teacher, so being in a relationship would stir up a lot of drama between the other parents including your superiors.

When you entered your classroom all of the mom’s were sitting with their kids already doing the activities and eating the snacks you had brought for the occasion. With the exception of Olivia, who was sitting at a little table all by herself and this stirred something inside you.

In the district Jay was struggling to concentrate and the guilt was eating him alive. The look and the tears that he saw on Olivia’s face hunting him relentlessly.

“Hey, didn’t you have little nugget’s mom-daughter thing today?” Kevin asked as he walked into the breakroom

“Don’t remind me. She’s gonna hate me” Jay said as he stirred his coffee

“Man. Don’t tell me you’re missing it” Kevin asked leaning besides Jay, being met with a hum in confirmation

“There will be more in the future, I just-” Jay was interrupted by the other detective

“Hell na, man. You go do what you gotta do” Kevin started looking at his friend like if he had grown two heads

“Kev-”

“Don’t let her down, bro. I’ll cover for you. Go” at this Jay looked at his friend trying to get his thoughts in place.

Kevin took a deep breath before taking ahold of Jay, dragging him into the bullpen and practically throwing Jay’s stuff in his arms before rushing him out to his truck.

“You go be a dad. I got your back” Kevin told Jay as the latter turned his truck on.

“Thanks, man, I’ll owe you big time” “Don’t worry about it, a beer at Molly’s can work for me”

Guiltily he thought of the brief conversation he had with Olivia and the mistake he would be committing if he didn’t make it. As he parked in the school he knew he wasn’t about to let his daughter be by herself, he wasn’t going to let her down.

Entering the classroom he looked over the heads and tables trying to identify his daughter. There she was on a table gluing something, but before he could move he saw you sitting beside her. Now noticing Liv’s laugh mixed with your own.

“So Liv, what’s your favorite color?” you asked as you colored the paper you had prepared for everyone, but Olivia didn’t respond. As you heard a gasp leave her mouth your head snapped up to her face following her eyesight to the door.

“He came, miss Y/N” Hazel excitedly said before leaping to her feet and running into her father’s awaiting arms, the latter picking her up kissing her cheek

“Hey baby!” Jay said with a smile on his face, as he saw how Olivia beamed happily

“Daddy you came” “Of course, I made a promise remember” he said matching her excitement.

At the same time he walked to the table Olivia was occupying as you stood up looking at them with a shy smile. When they reached the table Liv sat down explaining to her dad what she was doing, to which he nodded smiling with excitement. You took that as your signal to go back to your desk,

“Hey, uh, Miss Y/N” Jay said as he walked over to where you had stopped and turned to him

“Just Y/N it’s fine” you waved him off with a kind smile

“…Y/N-”

“I’m sorry for intruding-” “It’s-”

“She told about her mom; thought I could help” you rambled with a remorse expression waiting as you felt a hand being placed on your shoulder

“Take a deep breath” Jay said as he chuckled, to which you scratched the back of your neck nervously

“Thank you, you didn’t have to- but you did, and I really appreciate it” he said smiling sadly as you both looked back towards Olivia, before you shook your head again

“She’s a great girl, really smart” you said smiling slightly as you returned Olivia’s wave

“Yeah she is. That’s all her” he answered turning back to look at you

“I deeply apologize, the school should really mind what they write. If it was up to me it should be parent-child day” you said as you tilted your head, before Jay could answer another voice interrupted

“Dad. Can miss Y/N sit with us? She was going to braid my hair next” Liv said excitedly as she looked up to Jay

“Sure. If she’s not too busy, remember she has adult responsibilities” he answered looking down at Liv’s big eyes

“She’s not! She can teach you how to braid my hair, dad” Olivia answered. You bit your lips trying to fight the laugh that was trying to surface when you watched Jay’s mouth hanging

“Damn, why do you have to wound me like that, pumpkin” Jay said looking at you to see if you had heard. Shaking his head as you placed a hand over your mouth chuckling.

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Four)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Road Trip, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Eventual Happy Ending

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three

Chapter Four

A few hours earlier…

***

Chris

“Thanks for fitting me in, Doc,” Chris said, shifting on the couch as he took in the familiar space of Dr. Peters office. He hadn’t been in a few weeks, reducing their visits once he’d finally felt like he had his feet back under him since the Freddy incident.

But then…well.

He’d called yesterday to see if he could make an emergency appointment and they’d been good enough to get him in today. Just enough time between checking on Bex and stopping in at the hospital to make it work.

“It’s not a problem, Chris,” Dr. Peters said and sounded like he actually meant it. Chris liked that about the guy. He was genuine. Made it feel less like he was talking to a shrink.

“Why don’t you tell me what prompted your call.”

…maybe only a little bit less. Chris chuckled to himself before scrubbing a hand over his face. “I mean, you got the broad strokes there,” he said, gesturing at the notes in Dr. Peters’ lap. “Everything that happened, it was—it was a lot. I’m having a hard time…and Cindy, you know, she’s been amazing, but she’s trying to deal with it all too and she’s pregnant and I can’t just keep dumping on her. Figured I might as well talk to you.”

Of course, that was when he clammed up, his brain stalling out on exactly how to explain what he was feeling. Why he was struggling.

If he could do that, he probably wouldn’t be here.

Dr. Peters waited him out until Chris managed to say, “I don’t know…how to handle this.”

A head tilt was all he got in response. Right, right. Say more. He knew that.

Chris groaned, rubbing at his forehead. “It’s one thing when it’s me getting hurt or hell, even someone from the firehouse,” he said. “We know that comes with the territory. Even Jay—that was, you know, that was hard, but again, he’s a cop and he’s not—”

“He’s not what?” Dr. Peters asked quietly when Chris didn’t continue. “He’s not my baby sister,” Chris choked out. “Bex is—you-you remember the whole story, right? She’s…she’s pretty much my kid. I raised her. I look at her and I still see my little girl.” He swiped at his cheeks, shaking his head. “But she’s, uh, she’s a grown up now, technically, and she won’t—she’s not letting me help her. And I know I’ve got to let her make her own choices. I know that. I do. But she’s, ah, she’s struggling. I can see it and I’m spending every friggin’ minute worried about her, but I can’t make her come and stay with us so I can keep an eye on her even though I want to.”

He huffed out a deep sigh.

“I don’t want to make it worse,” Chris said, finally looking up at the doc. “But I don’t know how to make it better.”

“Have you communicated any of these fears to Bex?” Dr Peters asked and Chris snorted.

“Have I told her I’m afraid she’s not going to take care of herself because she’s got two hefty doses of stubborn in her DNA? No,” Chris said. “I have not. Not in so many words, anyway.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “And isn’t that more…my own problem? Don’t you think? She’s the one who got hurt and has to deal with the trauma from that. I shouldn’t be adding my own fears on top of it all.”

Dr. Peters set his papers aside at that and levelled a look at Chris. “Do you remember what we talked about after your injury? With Cindy and her fears about you returning to work?”

Oh. Right.

Chris had forgotten about that actually. Cindy had been terrified about him going back, to both the firehouse and Molly’s. She’d kept quiet about it for longer than Chris liked to think about—still hated that she felt so alone in it and yeah, okay, he could see Dr. Peters’ point here.

“When something like this happens to a loved one,” Dr. Peters said, repeating his words from the past. “It creates its own measure of trauma through the fear and uncertainty that you experienced. Communicating your fears to Bex could not only help you to work through them, but might also provide her with an opportunity to open up, much like it did with you and Cindy.”

“So, you think I should just…”

“Talk about your fears with Bex.”

“Okay.” Chris sat back on the couch. “…any ideas on how I should go about that?”

“We have some time left.” Dr. Peters smiled at him. “Let’s talk it through.”

***

Now

***

Jay

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Abrams said, arms folded as he stared down at them in a way that almost had Jay shrinking back into his seat. “I’m only going to ask this question once. Why do I see Ms. Herrmann sitting in the ICU when she is supposed to be at home? Resting. Which was doctor’s orders, I believe.”

Jay shot a look at Mouse who was giving him that same ‘not it’ look from the living room which was even less helpful now than it was then.

“Okay, uh,” Jay began. “I can explain…”

“Oh, good,” Chris said, popping up out of freaking nowhere with that very distinct look on his face that Jay had been picturing since Bex tried to make a break for it and it was exactly as awful as he thought it would be. “Because, I gotta say, Jay, I would also love to hear how this happened.”

“First of all,” Jay said, stalling, trying to figure out where to start, maybe panicking a little bit. “It’s also Mouse’s fault.”

“Dude.”

Jay ignored the betrayed look on his face—there was no way Jay was taking crap for this all on his own. “She heard us talking with you about Will and Emery,” he said to Chris. “Mouse caught her trying to leave on her own so she could check on them. What were we supposed to do?”

“She was really upset,” Mouse added. “We did our best to make sure she ate something and rested a bit, but she wasn’t going to relax until she saw them.”

“You know how much she’s been struggling,” Jay began and Chris nodded with a sigh.

“No, no, I get it,” Chris said, deflating as he leaned against one of the couches. “I’m not mad, Jay, just—”

“Just disappointed?” Jay muttered, having a hard time meeting Chris’s eye.

“No, not—” A hand clamped down on his shoulder and Jay looked up to see Chris shaking his head. “Listen. It’s a tough time all around and everyone’s doing their best. I’m more concerned about the fact that Bex seems to be doing her best to put herself back in a hospital bed.”

“Ms. Herrmann’s healing will only be delayed by stress,” Dr. Abrams said. “As much as I’d rather see her at home, resting, if checking in on Dr. Halstead and Ms. Hughes gives her some peace of mind, I think we can allow it under controlled circumstances. Limited visits. The last thing we want is her pushing herself and prolonging her symptoms.”

“That’s going to be a fun conversation,” Jay said, already grimacing at the thought.

“I know you guys are taking point on this, but you’re not alone,” Chris said. “I think it’s going to take all of us to manage the Bex situation.”

“Manage the what now?”

***

Chris

Dr. Peters would not be impressed with how this chat was going so far.

Chris turned around to see Bex standing behind their little group, leaning heavily on Kira who was trying to help her down into a chair. Bex stood firm though as she glared at him.

“I’m managing myself just fine, Chris,” she said. “You don’t need to be having little meetings about me or whatever it is that’s happening here.” Bex waved a hand at them, her frown turning into a wince as the movement pulled at her side.

Yeah, she was totally fine.

“Sit down, Ms. Herrmann,” Dr. Abrams said, gesturing at the chair she was still stubbornly ignoring. He raised an eyebrow at her when she didn’t move. “That wasn’t a request.”

Bex huffed before shaking off the helping hands of Kira, Chris, Jay, and Mouse and carefully lowering herself into the chair. It was friggin’ painful to watch.

“I always thought you were the sensible one,” Dr. Abrams continued. “You seem determined to prove me wrong.” He managed to keep his usual dry tone, but Chris could see the pinch of concern around his eyes.

And the way his mouth flattened when Bex didn’t toss one of her usual comebacks at him. She only sighed and rubbed at her forehead as she slumped back in the chair.

Dr. Abrams exchanged a look with Chris, opening his mouth to speak again when he was cut off by his pager. He took a quick look at it and frowned. “I have to go,” he said, frown deepening as he watched Bex. Stepping forward, he crouched down beside her chair, startling her. “Bex—”

“Whoa, first name,” she muttered. “Serious.”

“Yes, it is,” he said as he fought back a little smile. “So, listen carefully. Dr. Fahir and I let you leave the hospital with the understanding that you were going to take care of yourself. I expected you to do better than this.”

Mouse made a noise at that and Dr. Abrams held up a hand, not breaking eye contact with Bex.

“People who get readmitted are clearly not well enough to come up with nicknames,” he said. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

Bex’s sullen look cracked a bit at that. “Stooping to bribery, Dr. Abrams?”

“Merely stating facts. Now stop making me repeat myself and get some rest.” He patted her knee as he stood up. “Gentlemen.” Then, with a nod, he was striding back down the hall.

That was…helpful? Maybe? Chris turned back to find Bex glaring up at him—or maybe not so helpful then.

“Well? Isn’t it your turn to lecture me?” Bex held herself stiffly in the chair, chin set as she stared somewhere around his shoulder. “Come on. You wanted to talk about the Bex situation.”

“I can’t help being concerned,” Chris said. “The docs told us to expect mood swings and impulsive behaviour, but—”

“It’s not unreasonable for me to want to check on Will and Emery,” Bex snapped.

“No, it’s not.” Chris took a beat and focused on maintaining calm tones. “But you trying to haul ass to the hospital all by yourself kinda was. You’re injured, Bex and there are limitations—”

“I’m handling it—”

“Can you guys give us a minute?” Chris asked Jay, Mouse, and Kira. “Go grab a coffee or something? Heck, grab one for me while you’re at it.” The three of them hesitated, looking between him and Bex. “Please?”

“I should get back to Emery anyway,” Kira said softly, giving Bex a gentle squeeze on her shoulder before heading back into the ICU room. Jay and Mouse stood, but made not move to leave yet.

“It’s fine,” Bex sighed. “Stop fussing.”

“We’ll be back soon,” Jay said, clasping a hand on Chris’s back while Mouse leaned down to kiss Bex on top of her head and murmur something in her ear that got a faint smile out of her. With a few final looks back, the two of them headed down the hall and out of sight.

Chris pulled one of the little tables over closer to Bex’s chair and sat down on it, facing her with his elbows on his knees. The two of them stared at each other for a moment.

“I’m handling it,” she finally muttered. Bex had that same mulish look on her face that she’d perfected at the age of three and Chris couldn’t help the bark of laughter it pulled out of him.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” he said, shaking his head. “Because I’m definitely not.”

“Wha-what do you mean?”

Staring down at his hands, Chris took a moment to gather his words. “When Trudy and Mouse showed up at the station like that,” he said slowly, not wanting to put this on Bex, but needing to talk about it with her. “I thought I was about to have the worst day of my life all over again.”

“Chris,” she whispered and he held up a hand, meeting her eyes.

“Let me get this out. Please.” Chris swiped a hand over his face and cleared his throat. “It was still one of the worst days of my life,” he said. “Seeing you hurt like that and knowing what you’d been through? That we’d almost—that you could’ve—” He shuffled forward to kneel beside her, old man knees be damned. “Losing you would have broken me, Bex. It would have broken all of us. And—and knowing how close we came? It’s been keeping me up at night. I’m trying really hard not to hover, but god, kid, I can’t stop worrying about you.”

Bex reached out with her unbroken arm and grabbed his hand in hers. Chris squeezed it gently for a moment, grounding himself.

“I know you’re processing things in your own way and you need space,” he said. “But please—please don’t shut us out. Let us help you. And let yourself heal. You need time and you need to rest, Bex. I just—please don’t fight me on this, okay? I need you to take this seriously and take care of yourself. I need you to be okay.”

“I’m trying,” Bex said, voice going thick. “I just—Will…and Emery—”

“Are not alone,” Chris said. “They have all of us looking out for them. Not just you, okay? So, trust us to do that. To help. I get that all of that is a lot to ask, but can you try? Will you? Please?”

***

Bex

When Bex had walked out into the hall and come across the little huddle between Chris, Jay, Mouse, and Dr. Abrams, a white-hot flare of anger had burned through her gut.

How dare they? Talking about her like that?

Discussing how to manage her?

Chalking up her feelings to concussion side effects?

She’d been two-seconds away from telling them all to fuck off and finding her own way to hobble home.

But then Chris had to go and pour his heart out and now she just felt awful. Physically. Emotionally. Pretty much on a cellular level.

The last thing she wanted was to cause him pain and look what she was doing.

“I’m sorry,” Bex managed to get out.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, sweetheart,” Chris said, groaning as he got to his feet. “Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself first.” He leaned over her to wrap her up in a gentle hug. Bex closed her eyes and let herself sink into it.

She hadn’t meant to worry him—hadn’t meant to worry anyone—but she’d been so focused on Will and Emery, worried about them, that she hadn’t thought about much else.

Now she knew though, how wrong that had been.

Of course, Chris was upset and worried. Just like Jay and Mouse and apparently a whole bunch of other people including Dr. Abrams.

And Bex was making it worse.

After everything they’d all been through, she was making it worse.

And why? What for?

It wasn’t like she’d been stabbed or shot. She was going to be fine in a couple of weeks.

Chris was right. Bex needed to suck it up and focus. Follow doctors’ orders perfectly and maybe she could shave a bit of time off of that couple weeks so she could be back in the game and help out properly. Will and Emery were going to need it during their much longer recovery times.

Heal up now. Help out sooner. That made sense.

Bex could do that.

“Hey,” Jay said quietly from somewhere behind her. “Everything okay here?”

“Yeah.” Chris straightened up with a little pat to Bex’s undamaged shoulder. “We’re all good. Oh, gimme that.” He reached out and grabbed a coffee from Jay’s outstretched hand with a little grin, immediately taking a gulp. “Jesus, that’s hot. Mm.” He took another quick sip. “Ah!”

“You do that every time. Why don’t you get iced coffee?” Bex laughed as she pushed herself up out of her chair. Mouse moved to her side, ready to help, but not actually jumping in to do so which she appreciated. Almost as much as the small vanilla frappuccino that he handed her after.

Chris grimaced through another sip. “Iced? And dilute my caffeine? No, ma’am.”

“Connor said Will’s awake if we want to stop by,” Jay said, waving his phone at her.

“How is that even a question?” Bex started to rush toward the elevator, ready to push to get to Will faster, before Chris’s words played back through her brain and she forced herself to slow down. Move carefully. She ignored the loaded look that passed between Chris and Jay, tried to tamp down on the flutter of panic building in her chest that said she had to rush—had to lay eyes on Will now to truly know he was okay, and took the arm that Mouse offered her. “Let’s go.”

One step in front of the other. Slow and steady.

She could make herself be okay.

For Chris.

For all of them.

***

Mouse

After stopping in at Emery’s room to say goodbye—mostly to Kira since Emery was already asleep again—the four of them headed down to Will’s room.

Mouse kept an eye on Bex the whole way. He tried to be subtle about it, but the only reason he probably got away with it was because Jay and Chris were doing the same thing. Bex was mostly focused on walking which was still fucking painful to watch and not even the thing that was worrying him the most.

She was quiet since her talk with Chris. Subdued almost.

What the hell had he said to her?

Neither of them seemed distressed and even Jay seemed fine. Watchful, but okay.

Maybe—maybe Mouse was reading into things. He’d been hyper-aware of Bex’s every move and tone and expression since he’d walked into her hospital room and he should probably start to stand down a bit.

She relaxed once they got into Will’s room and she had some time sitting beside him, holding his hand. Groggy as he was, Will managed to make her laugh a bit as well.

Jay pulled Connor aside while Will and Bex were distracted with each other. The guy looked wrecked. “How’s he really doing?” Jay asked. “And how are you, man?”

Connor sighed. “Will’s about as good as can be expected,” he said. “The bleed was relatively easy to fix and his fever is slowly going down. I don’t want to say we’re completely out of the woods yet, but it’s looking better and everyone’s keeping a close eye on him.”

“And how are you,” Chris asked again.

“I’m—” Connor let out a short laugh as he dragged a hand down his face. “I’m just grateful he’s still alive and focused on keeping him that way. Everything else is…background noise.”

“Well, I’m here for the afternoon,” Chris said. “So, you go get some food and a shower and a nap and I can keep an eye on the big guy.”

“Chris, I—”

“Nah, none of that.” Chris held up a hand with a crooked little smile. He nodded over at Bex and Will, lowering his voice. “I’m trying to get Bex to be better about accepting help from all of us so how about you lead by example, eh?”

Connor ducked his head, huffing out a little laugh. “Fair enough,” he said. “And, uh, thank you.”

“That’s what family’s for,” Chris said, patting him on the back.

Will started to fade again shortly after that so after another round of goodbyes, Mouse and Jay took Bex back to the apartment. One of the neighbours came out as soon as they arrived. Apparently, there’d been a few flower deliveries that they’d accepted on Bex’s behalf. Jay carried them in while Mouse helped Bex to the couch.

“Who are they from?” Bex asked, trying to peer around Kol who was already cuddling up beside her.

“Gimme a sec.” Jay started setting them out on the kitchen table, far out of the way of Kol’s enthusiastic tail wags. “This one if from everyone at the diner.” He showed off a colourful bouquet to Bex who smiled softly at it.

“Keep the cards,” she said. “I want to remember to thank everyone later.”

“Will do,” Jay said, sticking it up on the fridge where they’d been keeping the rest of them. “Okay, this one is from Beau.” He held up a vase full of sunflowers before holding up a smaller one full of red flowers. “And this one isn’t signed. It just says ‘Enjoy your gift.’, but there isn’t anything else with it. Think they mean the flowers? Kind of a weird way to put it.”

“Hunh.” Bex stared at the bouquet, eyebrows scrunching up in thought. “That flower looks familiar, but I can’t—ugh, I can’t remember.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Mouse said, stroking back her hair. “It’ll come to you. In the meantime, we have pretty flowers.”

“There is that.” Bex’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and Mouse leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Why don’t you hang out here with Kol and we’ll get dinner ready,” he said. She nodded, sinking back into the cushions, and Mouse made his way into the kitchen where Jay was frowning at the bouquets. “Everything okay?”

“That last one is kind of weird, don’t you think?” Jay had the card in his hands still, flipping it over to check out the name of the florist.

“Some people get awkward with this kind of thing,” Mouse said, opening the fridge to see what they had to work with. “Don’t know what to say and either say too much or it comes out weird, like that.”

Jay hummed noncommittally and pocketed the card. “Alright,” he said, turning to Mouse and peering over his shoulder. “What are we making?”

Heating up a meal from Cindy was the answer to that question because she was a goddess who had sent Chris with a pile of filled Tupperware containers. Enough to last them until tomorrow night at least.

…they really needed to go shopping.

“I’ll hit the store tomorrow,” Jay said, echoing his thoughts. “Start a list, yeah?”

Between the two of them, they got dinner together and out to the living room for Bex. She ate at least half of it which was better than she’d done all week and took her pills without complaint.

Not a peep.

Just said something about how she was tired and was going to get ready for bed. Mouse turned to Jay after she’d wandered off to the bathroom.

“Do you—do you think she’s okay? I mean relatively speaking?” Mouse asked him. “Because she’s acting weird—weirder or weird in a different way, you know? What did Chris say to her?”

“I don’t really know,” Jay said, dragging a hand through his hair. “We didn’t have much time to talk, but he said he just asked her to talk all of this more seriously and to focus on herself more. Focus on resting and getting better.”

Technically, that seemed to be what she was doing now so that was good…

Mouse just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off with her, but it was hard to pinpoint what when everything was off right now.

Jay’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out to check the message. “Oh. Wow.” His eyebrows flew up as he scrolled through what appeared to be a whole pile of messages. “Bex! Check this out!” He bounded down the hallway, Mouse and Kol hot on his heels.

“Is someone hurt?” Bex called through the bathroom door.

“No, it’s good news,” Jay called back.

“I’ll be out in a sec.” The three of them leaned against the wall, straightening up again when Bex sighed loud enough for them to hear. “That means go back to the living room and don’t listen to me peeing, you weirdos.”

“Right. Gotcha.” A red-faced Jay led them back toward the living room and flopped back down on the couch.

Bex joined them a few minutes later, a hint of her usual spark as she shook her head at them. “What’s the good news?”

Jay held up his phone and showed them a long string of text messages and photos from Severide. “Sev and a bunch of others from 51 went and fixed up Emery’s place now that it’s been cleared as a crime scene. He says it was Otis’s idea—they wanted it to be all ready for when she’s allowed to come home.”

“Oh,” Bex said softly, eyes filling with tears as she took his phone and scrolled through the pictures of the many repairs the team had done. “That’s—oh, that’s—oh, my god, I love them so much.” She thrust the phone back into Jay’s hands. “Tell them. Tell them I love them and thank you and that we’re gonna make them so many cookies.”

Jay paused in his typing to raise an eyebrow at her. “We?”

“Chris said I need to accept help so blame him,” she sniffed. “And help me make cookies, please.”

“We will help you make cookies,” Jay said, grinning as he finished up his message to Severide.

“So many cookies,” Mouse agreed. He bit back a smile as Bex struggled to stifle a yawn. “Tomorrow though.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Bex said as she lost the fight against the yawn. “We have a good family.” She leaned her head against Jay’s shoulder with a sigh.

“The best.” Jay wrapped an arm around her for a gentle squeeze. He laughed when she yawned again. “Okay. Bedtime for you. Cookie time tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” Bex murmured. She let Mouse help her up with out a fight, leaning into him as they headed down the hall. “You gonna tuck me in, Mouse?” she stage-whispered at him.

“I was thinking about it,” he whispered back.

“Sing me a lullaby?”

“Uh, I thought the plan was to get you to sleep,” Mouse said, making a face. “Not, uh, to traumatize you further.”

That startled a laugh out of her. “Oh, crap,” Bex clutched at her side, groans mixed in with the giggles. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“Shit—” Mouse could kick himself. “I’m so sorry—”

“Stop,” Bex said with a little sigh, leaning against the doorframe to her room. “I’m okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. It was funny. Funny’s good.” She leaned toward him for a kiss. “You’re good.” Another gentle kiss.

“Less kissing, more bedtime!” Jay hollered from the living room.

Bex started to roll her eyes and then stopped, straightening up. “Right,” she said. “Gotta follow doctor’s orders.” She nodded to herself as her smile dropped away.

“That reminds me,” Mouse said, herding her towards her bed. “Dr. Fahir called and she said that not only should you be tucked in, but also snuggled for at least five to ten minutes.”

“Oh, really?”

Mouse fought to keep a straight face as he saw the smile return to Bex’s. He nodded, kicking the door shut behind them. “At least.”

“Well, I am trying to be a better patient.” Bex settled onto her mattress and made grabby hands at him, pulling him to her. “Medicine, please.”

***

Jay

Jay looked over at Kol as a giggle drifted down the hall from Bex’s room.

“Let’s go clean up the kitchen,” he said and Kol was already off like a shot, settling on one of the kitchen chairs to watch Jay do the dishes.

It was actually good to hear Bex laughing like that. Mouse was right—she’d been weird today and clearly struggling for the last few days.

With good freaking reason too.

He knew it was going to take time for her to start to heal and process, but that giggle felt like a good start. It gave him hope that they could get there.

Hope he’d been struggling to find a few days ago.

When he’d been sitting there while Bex was laid out in the hospital, part of him had wondered if they’d ever be okay again. Even now, when he was still for too long, his mind kept going to dark places. Thinking about what could have happened. What they could have lost.

To think that Will could have died or Bex…

We have a good family, she’d said.

And they did. They really did.

Jay wondered if Bex realized what a large part she’d had to play in that. If she knew how their family would fall apart without her. How much they’d break…

He didn’t even want to think about it, but he did because that was what Jay did. Think about his family and the what ifs and how to prevent them.

Because he was going to do everything he could to make sure nothing like this ever happened to his family ever again. He was going to keep them safe.

Any way he could.

Jay put the last dish in the rack and dried off his hands, reaching for his phone.

***

Statesville – Maximum Security Unit

After midnight.

***

Ty

This was—this was fucking bullshit.

Ty pressed a hand against his stomach, watching helplessly as the blood leaked out around his fingers. He wasn’t even sure why he was trying to stop it when he had half a dozen other matching punctures.

“Wait—hnggg.” He fell back against the wall, feet going out from under him, sending him sliding down to the ground. His vision was going blurry, but he could still make out the form of that guard, that fucking guard Mitchell, leaning over him. “Help me…”

“Son,” Mitchell said, lips twisting up in a smile. “You brought this on yourself. Should have left that girl alone.”

“Em?” This was because of her? Who fucking cared enough about fucking Emery to—

The crackling laughter of the guard interrupted his fuzzy thoughts. It echoed through the empty hallway, reminding Ty of how very alone he was right now.

“How many girls you been messing with?” Mitchell crouched down beside him and poked at him with the shiv. “No, you idiot. Does the name Bex mean anything to you? Because she sure means a lot to somebody.”

“Fuckin’ bastard cop,” Ty snarled, jerking back when Mitchell laughed again.

“Oh, you have no idea who you messed with, do you?” he said as he stood, taking out a cloth and wiping off the shiv before dropping it on the floor beside Ty.

Darkness crowded in along the edges of Ty’s vision as he slumped to the side, watching his blood slowly seep out into a growing puddle on the floor. “Wh-who…why…” His eyes slipped shut and the last thing he heard was Mitchell’s footsteps walking away, a phone beeping, and the faint sound of his voice.

“It’s done.”

Click here to read Chapter Five.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @lookingfortherainbow85

[rubix-writings]

Punisher Pt. 15

Fifteenth part of Punisher. 

This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: mentions nightmares, PTSD, stalking

“It’s only been a week Jo, you don’t have to go back. Hermann and Stella made it very clear to take all the time you need,” Jay sits on the bed watching me grab clothing for my shift at the bar. 

“Jay being here isn’t helping me either. You’re back at work and I just sit here with my thoughts. It’s doing more harm than being back.” “I can get the day off tomorrow, why don’t you take one more day and I’ll go with you?” I walk over to Jay and rest my hands on his shoulders. This man has done everything in his power to help me work through my endured trauma. It doesn’t matter if its holding me after a nightmare, talking me back to reality when my mind drifts off, or just touching me so I know I’m not alone. 

“I can’t sit here another day, the longer I stay away from the bar the more it becomes evil and scary,” I cup the side of his face and run a finger over his stubble which has gotten a bit long over the last few days. “Thank you for your offer, but I have to do this. Hermann and Stella will both be there. I’m sure Kelly and a few of the guys will be there too.”

Jay kisses my palm quickly. 

“Call me if you need anything, okay? And you’re still healing and will be for a while so light work.”

“Okay dad,” I laugh. Jay rolls his eyes before standing to kiss me. I thought it would be a quick peck but it’s slow and methodical. When I look into his eyes after I could tell he was just as nervous as I was about going back to the bar. “It’ll be okay,” I reassure. 

“I know,” his voice is quiet. He kisses my forehead before walking to pack up the last items for work. 

****

Luckily, Jay was able to go into work late so he could go with me to the bar. I kept trying to tell him it was unnecessary, but once I saw it I realized I was very wrong. Jay grabbed my bag and my hand and together we crossed the sidewalk to the door of Molly’s. The outside of it seems different now, almost as if there is a fog around Molly’s. I had been trying to detach myself from Molly’s and all the events that happened that I might have made it the monster in my story. 

“Hey, you got this,” Jay whispers. His deep blue eyes bring me back, like a light glow within the darkness.

“Jo!” Stella yells as she walks closer to Molly’s. Stella, another light in the darkness. “God, I’ve missed you.” She hugs me gently once she’s close enough. 

Now between two of my best friends, it feels easier to breathe. 

“I’ve missed you too Stella. Thanks for filling in for me.”

“No need for thanking, I’m gonna head in. Take all the time you need,” It’s obvious that she means every word.

“We’ll follow you in actually,” once again in between my two best friends I walk through the threshold of Molly’s. 

“Hey ladies!” Hermann yells behind the bar. A quick flash of Rob taking multiple swigs of whiskey while throwing around his gun flashes through my mind, “Jo do you think you’d be able to help me with receipts today?” Hermann’s voice breaks through the memory.

“Yeah absolutely,” I let go of Jay’s hand for the first time to go to the office and drop off my stuff. When I come back Stella is taking the chairs down and wiping down the tables. Hermann and Jay are talking in hushed tones over the bar counter, no doubt about me. 

“Jay, you should get to work. I’m not having Voight on my ass for you being later than you already are,” I joke as I near the two. 

“Call me if you need anything, even if it’s just to talk, okay? And seriously take it easy, your stitches and ribs are still healing,” Jay babbles. 

“We’ll make sure she barely lifts a finger,” Hermann interjects. 

“See? We’re good. I’ll keep you updated,” Jay hesitates before kissing my temple and saying his goodbyes. Once Jay is out of the bar a panic sits in my stomach, but I move to help Hermann. 

“Jo, a scotch on the rocks and red wine for booth 5,” Stella passes along. I quickly pour the drinks and move to deliver them to the correct table. My legs immediately halt when it registers what the booth is. It’s the same booth I cried for Jay, where I began to mourn a man that thought I was responsible for his imminent murder. The same booth I was beaten into submission, where I came to terms with my own looming death.

“Jo, I got it,” Kelly appears and grabs the glasses from my hands to take them to the table. I can feel my face growing hot from embarrassment and frustration. I begrudgingly walk back to the bar and start to clean glasses. I try to be gentle even though I’d much rather scream and shatter the glasses against the far wall. 

“There’s been a few times we’ve had to go back to places after rescues. Not all of our fires are at homes or warehouses. I’ve had to go to a fire at my doctor’s office once,” Matt talks to me. 

“Matt, I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood.”

“Just hear me out, I promise it’s going somewhere,” he smiles. “The fire at my doctor’s office was bad, one of my first really bad fires. There were multiple casualties, the roof was caving in, we almost lost some of our team. When it came time to go back, I didn’t think much of it. But when I walked through the door all I could see was the fire and all I could think about were the people we almost lost and those we did. I walked out, I couldn’t stay. Later, Mouch had told me that if I continued to avoid the places we had bad fires at, then I’ll have no where to go. He told me that when I think of the painful memories to think of ones that bring me joy. For example, I met my then girlfriend at that doctor’s office, she was a drug rep. Long story short, there is a lot of happiness and good in this bar, a lot of joy around you here. I can’t begin to relate to what happened to you here. We’re all here for you and even if that’s to bring up a good memory for you here. Like maybe that time you had a chugging contest with Otis and you crushed him? Everyone lost their minds and Otis was convinced you cheated. That all happened in that booth.”

It’s true, that all happened early on to me starting at Molly’s. Otis was talking trash about having the tolerance of an ox and that even though he didn’t go to college, he can out drink anyone in those drinking games. Almost everyone was here between the fire, PD, and med crew. Maggie was thoroughly impressed and made it clear that she was behind me from the beginning. The night was one of my favorites at Molly’s, it was one of the first times I felt accepted in this large family. 

“Thanks Matt,” he nodded and walked back to his table with Silvie. 

Matt’s advice became a standard practice the rest of my shift. All the painful and terrifying memories from having the bar being overtaken can’t be undone in a night, but the pit in my stomach became less and less as the night went on. A lot of the crew came into Molly’s throughout the day, no doubt to help keep some friendly faces at various spots in the bar and I’m grateful. 

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, Adam drives like an old lady.”

“It’s called defensive driving you dick,” Adam rolls his eyes as he walks past.

“Don’t worry about it, you want a beer?”

“I honestly would really love to go home, can you leave?” “Yeah, I’ll go grab my stuff,” I head to the office to gather my things and say a quick round of goodbyes before heading out of Molly’s with Jay. 

“So how’d it go?”

“A lot better than I thought. There’s too much good that’s happened in my life at Molly’s for that day to destroy it.”

“We did meet here,” Jay adds. 

“We had our first kiss here too. Plus, I’ve humbled Will on numerous occasions at Molly’s,” Jay laughs and opens my car door for me.

“I’m proud of you,” I lean over and kiss him. 

****

As the days passed it got easier and easier to go to Molly’s. The memories of a gun pointed at my head were pushed away by memories of Jay and I dancing after closing and playing an intense game of slaps with Cruz. Or Stella whipping out on the newly mopped floor. Or the hot dog eating contest between the firefighters and PD. Everyone made a conscious effort to be around the bar more to help fill it with even more bright memories. 

There were times and days when the memories couldn’t be replaced, Hermann had to replace the bell above the door because I couldn’t stop picturing Rob beneath it.

Sadly, the nightmares had remained. I can see the dark circles underneath Jay’s eyes, the eyes that normally fill me with bliss now cause me guilt. I’ve tried to sleep on his sofa, but when I wake up, nightmare or not, Jay is in a chair awake. After a couple nights of the failed sofa plan, I went to stay at my place. The first night I was woken up by Jay banging on my door, claiming he couldn’t sleep knowing I was having a nightmare without him. Even if I slept at my apartment Jay was there either in my bed or on the sofa. 

“Kim, he’s not sleeping. He’s running on black coffee, I even saw a Monster can in his trash,” I pour her a draft beer as she sits at the bar top. 

“Are you sleeping? You both have matching bags under your eyes.”

“I can’t really, the most I’ve gotten is a few hours in a night,” I lean my elbows on the bar top to hold my head in my hands. “I’m so tired. I don’t think Jay gets more than me, he’s always awake.”

“Have you talked with anyone since everything happened?”

“No, I wouldn’t even know who to talk to,” I admit. 

“We have resources through the precinct, I’ll text you some. You and Jay should go, or you’ll both crash and burn.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk about it with him.”

“Hi beautiful,” Jay says as he sits and the bar stool.

“I thought you weren’t drinking tonight,” I joke.

“What I can’t call my girlfriend ‘beautiful’?”

“You can, you just don’t normally lead with it,” I grab Jay a glass of water.

“Well I have to step up my game,” I laugh at his his seriousness.

“So Kim and I were talking and she brought up me potentially seeing someone. Someone to help talk through everything that happened.”

“That’s a great idea, I can help you find someone.”

“I think you should see someone too, you’re sleeping less than me which is saying a lot.”

“I know, I actually made an appointment with my old therapist for next week. I saw her when I was getting help with my PTSD from being over seas. I can see if she has any suggestions of people to go when I’m there.”

“Thanks, Kim’s gonna send over a list too,” Jay grabs my hand and starts to brush his thumb over the back of it. 

“We’ll get through this,” Jay says confidently. 

“I know,” I smile back at him. “You still going to be around when I finish up?”

“Absolutely. Yours or mine?”

“Yours is closer,” Jay squeezes my hand before standing up. 

“Hey Jo, this was left for you,” Hermann says and slides over a yellow packing envelope. I thank him and grab a knife to rip it open. Numerous photos spill out covering the wooden countertop. The photos are all different but the subjects are the same, me and Jay. Some are just of me, or just of Jay, but most of them are of us together. The air becomes thick and suddenly the music is too loud. This can’t be happening. I quickly push the photos back into the package and run to the office to stuff it into the bottom of my bag. Even with the envelope out of sight my heart doesn’t calm down, everything feels as if it is turned up to a thousand. I jump when the door opens and Hermann walks in.

“I’m sorry kid, I didn’t mean to scare yah,” I open my mouth to say anything but nothing comes out. “Hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re safe. Why don’t you head home? We got it from here.” 

Hermann reaches for my coat and bag, but before he could touch it I snatch both from the locker. He doesn’t touch me as he walks me out of the office. 

“Hey Jay,” Hermann quietly calls. Jay’s smile quickly disappears as he scrambles up from his seat. 

“What happened?” Jay asks quietly once he’s close enough. 

“I don’t know, she was like this in the office when I found her. You guys head home alright?” Jay nods and wraps his arm around my waist to lead me out of the bar. 

“We’ll be home soon, okay?” His kind tone makes it hard to keep the tears at bay. 

Taglist: @whit85-blog @bestillmystuckyheart @nocturnalherb16 @5sos-imagine @miranda0102 @thexplosivegirl @annalism @ego-allie-bap

[maryannecrimsworth]

Trainwreck

Pairing: Hailey Upton x OFC! Elizabeth "Ellie" O'Hara

Summary: O'Hara's undercover case is finally done: the attack was tracked, the boys were identified and the school got evacuated at time. But the teacher, Mrs. Baker --- Ellie's cover --- was caught by the last shooter. And he knows what she had done.

Author's note: Last week, many teenage boys attempted to attack schools of my country. They were stopped. Yet, I had this nightmare on April 20th, and I couldn't get it out of my mind ever since. I wrote this in order to get rid of my thoughts, and to thank all the police offers and people involved who were able to stop the attacks and help amidst all the violence and sorrow.

Warnings: violence; shooting; mention of school shooting; crying; panic attack

It felt cold. Icy. Empty.

It trembled and faltered as I tried to keep standing. The only thing I felt was my spine: the cold running up and down by it. I did not feel my skin, nor the tears soaking my face. I felt the cold, of my body and of the gun, aimed to my forehead, brushing it ever so slightly.

The kid did not even know to hold it. But he screamed and screamed – I could not understand what. He had said it, repeated it a dozen times, but I didn't reply. I heard the silence amidst his shouts: I knew what sound was about to emerge, and I waited for it.

It was the only thing that kept from bending down and begging for mercy. I felt limbs trying to make me knee, but I fought back. I fought, with my eyes closed and empty body, while his screams spread all over the classroom. Chairs and tables were thrown in my direction, yet I did not see it. Were they threats? Were they aiming at me, just like his gun?

A loud sound stopped his voice from rising again: his face turned white for a moment, then he smiled.

"It has begun." He spoke proudly. The revolver touched my forehead again. "You were useless. You are useless." The gun clicked, smoothly. "Your fucking traitor bitch."

"CHICAGO P.D!" The sound came as a divine response to him. The sound I waited so long for. "DROP THE GUN!"

I could hear him gasping. Finally, I could hear him – and I could feel my body. The cold was still there, but a burst of energy moved my arms in his direction. His panic became worse than mine – his hand faltered, and he nearly shot my head; if not for the sudden move I had made, I would be dead. The board behind me was hit and broken, the kid jumped with the powerful feeling of the gun kick in his hand and dropped it. It fired again, and hit a chair in the room. The metal echoed as the chair fell into pieces.

He was not strong. He could not be – he was a weak and small teenage boy, too tiny to fight back; bold enough to use a gun instead – he was a shooter. A bullied kid. A coward, in pain. I've seen it during all the months I've spent in his class, in his school – I became his teacher, in order to save him. Or to stop him.

But, today, he was no longer a victim. No longer a sad, suffering boy. Today he was a monster, a furious man, willing to kill. He had followers spread in the school. Followers that were now arrested, or killed. He was seconds away from paying for his crimes – for his plan to revenge and to murder.

He knew that he had lost. He knew that it was over. And all his rage came to the surface at once – he roared like a beast, and jumped over me as the steps reached the hallway.

He stretched and punched me, wildly, blindly, and I held his arms. I looked at his eyes as he screamed at me: his eyes. His eyes were...different. They didn't belong to my student, to a shy kid – they were violent. Vile. Evil. My body froze as I stared into his soul – it was like looking at the devil himself.

My ears sizzled while blood started to pop up from his blows. His fingernails pierce through my skin – he wasn't trying to escape from my hands. He was trying to hurt me. I could see it in his eyes: he wanted to kill me.

I did not hear the sound of the police stepping into the room. I did not hear her warnings. I did not hear the shot.

I only felt his weight and body in my hands.

Someone pulled me away – his body fell without my support. Lifeless. I wasn't able to hold him. I wasn't able to help him. No one was. Not anymore.

The kid was dead.

"They're fine. They're fine." A voice tried to calm me down. Its hands moved me away, but my eyes stayed on the floor. On him. "The school was evacuated." Sargeant? It was him? Voight stopped the shouting? "No one got hurt." The cold came back. My spine -- the only thing I felt -- trembled and shuddered. I fell. I did not feel my knees hitting the ground. "Look at me!" His blood was spreading over the floor. I was too far away to touch it. The officers around him shook their heads in sync. An ambo was not needed. He was dead. "Look at me!"

"He's dead." I mumbled. "I did it– I did not–" I crawled towards him – the coldness moved me forward, the despair shook and drove me. "Jimmy is dead. Oh my god." My chest was crushed -- my own weight was too heavy. I fell again. "What have I done?"

"You saved a whole school." There were hands holding me. Keeping me from the bloodied floor and curious eyes of other officers. "Listen to me! You saved dozens of children. You saved them. You hurted no one." I wasn't able to look at him anymore. Someone was in front of me. "Look at me, O'Hara. Look at me." My gaze focused on the person ahead. Hailey wasn't shaking as I was. Her grip felt strange in my skin. "You did great. Everyone's safe because of you." She was smiling. Trying to. "You listened? You saved all of them."

"Not all." Her touch helped me to feel something besides the coldness. Soon I felt my body and I was able to control it again. I stood up. I walked away. I left the classroom with Hailey Upton's arms around my shoulders. She made me move. She made me, finally, step away from the kid. From the shooter.

His image was confusing in my head and heart – I was satisfied and sad at the same time.

I could not cheer as the rest of the police officers. I could not be glad because of my "good job". I could not accept Voight's compliments.

"Can I go home?" I asked as soon as he finished explaining the last details of the procedure. The numbers of dead and imprisoned. I watched all of them during the last months – I knew all of them. And I did not want to know. "Is it over?"

Part of the team widened at me, but Hank did not react. He nodded. So I left.

"Stay with her." He told Upton.

"Sarge, I don't think–" Kim said immediately.

"It's okay." Hailey cut her off. "I'm good."

"You're exhausted." Kim argued. "And so is O'Hara. It's–"

"Burgess." Hank deadpanned. "They both go, the rest of you will finish the inquest." The sargeant looked at all of them. "Now."

X

I think my mom was right. She said to me "You don't have to be a teacher. There's another way of helping people." She was a teacher herself, and I saw how hard it was. But I loved it – to teach, to guide. A teacher can change someone's life, and they have changed mine. So I wanted to do it too.

I still don't know how I ended up being a cop. She didn't approve of it either, nor did my dad.

What has changed?

What has changed since my mom's time?

She was never afraid of this. Her school was safe.

What has changed?

I didn't know what it was, but I recognized it. I felt it. It made me a cop and, yet, I didn't know how to stop it.

This time, however, somehow I did it. I stopped it.

Did I?

The kid was dead.

My student. My student was dead.

And there were so many others. There will continue to be, because of them — the ones I also taught. The bullys. No one could really blame them — they didn't shoot at anyone. But the pain in the boy's gaze started somehow. Somewhere.

So that was the way to stop it? To prevent kids from being stupid and committing mistakes?

Were they truly innocent kids?

The coldness of Chicago hit my face. I soon realized where I was: the streets were empty, but the neighborhood was familiar.

I had a house there. Not really me, but my cover did — the Mrs. Baker did. Some students also lived there. Right now, they were sitting in their living room, watching the news about the failed school shooting attempt. Watching about the casualties and how an anonymous tip saved the whole school.

Anonymous.

No one could know I did it. Besides the intelligence unit and some police officers, no one knew I was more than a teacher. Now I'm not even it. The cover was gone — the task was concluded.

My house would be empty by the weekend. My belongings — the teacher's belongings — would be given away.

I have no place to go.

The streets are still empty.

The question echoes in the air as I hear gasps and voices coming from the houses.

No one comes out. No one talks to anyone. The neighborhood remains frightened and lonely.

What has changed?

X

Hailey Upton rushed to the parking lot as soon Burgess stopped talking. In a blink of an eye, the barely moving undercover officer disappeared in the school hallways. There were cameras and journalists in the surroundings, and police men keeping them away. Some curious students and teachers were watching. Yet, O'Hara was nowhere to be found. This was usual since Hailey's and Ellie's academy days, but this time was different. This time Ellie was shaking and zoning out, totally detached from reality. Hailey had never seen her like that — therefore she didn't know what her long-date colleague was capable of.

She was supposed to be happy. Relieved, at least — but O'Hara looked more disturbed than ever.

Hailey arrived at the parking lot. Ellie's car was not there.

Ellie was not there.

"Upton!" A strong voice called from behind. "Hold on a bit."

Hailey turned back and saw Atwater approaching.

"I've got some news." He announced. "Her lead was right. There was a group." He smiled. "The police from neighboring towns already arrested the shooters."

"Any victims?"

"None. She might have saved hundreds of kids. O'Hara has to know it."

"Yes. I hope it will help her." Upton moved back. "Thank you, Atwater."

Has to know it. The phrase repeated inside Hailey's head. She has to, because she doesn't know it — the look in her eyes earlier, the way she glanced at the shooter. She was guilty.

And she would try to help until she succeeded.

Upton knew exactly where she was.

X

I didn't want to make a scene. I didn't want anyone to know. There were already a pair of detectives bringing up the news to her. Her kid was dead, and I heard her crying the moment she figured it out.

I wanted to step in. I wanted to go closer and say to her "I'm sorry." I am sorry.

No one else, no matter how tiny and close to each other the houses were, moved in the neighborhood. Part of it already knew: his face was already in the news. But no one walked outside. No one walked to her.

I did.

I used the open door and walked into the living room as I listened to the detectives speaking further into the house. Her sobs led me to a hallway. I stood there, between the two doors: in the left, the police men spoke and investigated his bedroom; in the right, her bedroom and screams, begging for her son. I stepped to the side, in her direction, and I was about to reach the hallway when my body froze again.

The coldness in the spine, the insensitive skin. Then, suddenly, the same hard grip that held me from the ground now held me again: the strong hands drove me away and out of the house, in complete silence. I could not fight it.

"Ellie." The voice spoke. "What are you doing? What are you thinking?"

"She--" I mumbled. "She needs a tissue." I stepped back to the house, but it held me again.

"No! You're done with this, you hear me?" I shook my head, trying to free myself. "You're done with it, Ellie, you can't get involved."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why am I done?"

Hailey stared straight at me, and forced me to do the same: her gaze was confused and intense, it looked for an explanation and logic.

"They are all safe. All the schools of the region. You did it, you saved them."

"I failed him."

"You stopped a school shouting." She argued back.

"He's dead." I sobbed. The cold spread over my face, my cheeks got soak because of the salty tears. "Why couldn't I stop him? Why did he do it?

"Ellie–"

"I can't--"

"Ellie!" She shook me. I could no longer feel her grip, no matter how tight it was: now, I felt a different type of pinch. It suppressed my lungs, and the words coming out my mouth were nothing more than shaky breaths.

I couldn't breathe.

"It doesn't matter. You have to breathe." I closed my eyes and retreated, but her hands kept me from moving away. There was warmth in my face. "You're losing your mind."

"Please!," I breathed out. "Please, Hailey, just tell me why."

"You're asking the wrong question" I could hear a weak laugh. "as always."

I sniffed and tilted in response.

"The right question is: how do we stop it?" I grunted, but she went on. "And you did it. You stopped it. That boy chose this and there was nothing you could possibly do."

"He was my student." I broke down: Hailey hugged me and held me up. "He was–"

"I know, I know." She whispered. "You did your best. They're good now. Please, calm down." I was shaking under her embrace. "Please, come back."

I cried out loud as the police kept arriving at the scene: at the shooter's house. Upton stopped me from getting involved, just like she has done so many times before – she drove me away from the neighborhood. She drove me to a place I have never been before.

I just understood where I was when my blurred eyes gazed at the empty kitchen and messy living room.

"Is that–"

"It's okay." Hailey cut me off and quickly gathered the blanket over the couch. "Jay's away. Army's mission."

"I didn't–" I shook my head and stepped back. "I shouldn't stay."

"It's okay." She kindly smiled at me. "That's why I'm here, remember?"

"To stop my trainwreck of thought?"

She laughed as I remembered her stupid phrase from our academy days.

And then she repeated:

"To stop your trainwreck of thought."

X

Author's note for @wordsandupstead , @poppadom0912 , @amsgrey: I just wanted to show this to somebody. I'm not sure if I will write about One Chicago again, but I needed to do this.