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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

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Sex Tape

Pairings: Johnny Depp x Reader

Request: “ If you take requests, would you consider doing johnny reaction to like theirs sex tape getting leaked? Reader may also be a celebrity or not. Whatever you prefer “ - @fanficshitandother

Warnings: Mentions of sex but no actual smut

Word Count: 1800

A/N: Sorry this one is so short. I was having a harder time writing it than I thought I would. I hope you enjoy!

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Shit.

You knew this was a bad idea when he suggested it but no. He just had to have this video “for when he was away filming.” It always ended like this, though, right? It always started out as fun and games until bam! Celebrity sex tape leaked!

The gossip talk show video that your best friend had sent you was still playing on your phone and you watched in silent horror as the red haired woman talked about your sex life to her male counterpart as if she had any actual right to have an opinion. In the top corner was a picture of you and Johnny at the red carpet for the premier of the Crimes of Grindelwald, his arm around your waist and both of you smiling for the paparazzi pictures. “Okay, guys. You are going to want to hear this,” She started, clasping her absurdly long acrylic-clad fingers together and holding onto her knees, “So there has been yet another sex tape leaked and I want you to guess who’s it is.” She looked over to her co-host. He had a push broom mustache that was bleached blonde to match his hair.

The man hummed before waving his hand, which also donned long yellow acrylics, “I swear, Laurel, if this is another Kardashian or Paris Hilton tape, I’m gonna scream. That’s such old news.”

“Actually, it’s someone that I certainly didn’t expect. Johnny Depp and his wife, Y/N L/N.” She dropped the news and the co-star’s mouth dropped.

“Are you serious? Like Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Willy Wonka, Johnny Depp?” He asked in total shock, “I didn’t expect that either! But you know what? I feel like he’d be really good in bed.”

He and Laurel both laughed, “You’re so bad!” She squealed, hitting him with the paper notes in her hand, “But, between you and me,” She leaned in, as if she was telling an actual secret that wasn’t being broadcast on the internet, “I did see it.”

“And?”

“It was pretty hot, I can’t lie. That Y/N is a very lucky girl indeed.” The pair giggled like a pair of school girls.

You were absolutely mortified. How did this happen? How many people had seen it? Who had seen it? Oh God… all you could imagine was your family stumbling across the video or, debatably worse, Johnny’s kids. This had to be one of the worst moments of your life.

You turned off the video and quickly dialed your husband. “Hello, love.” He greeted cheerily on the other end. The faint sound of cars passing in the background told you he was probably driving home from the meeting he had been at.

“Did you see it? Did you hear it?” You asked frantically.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“The video! The video got leaked!” You ran your fingers through your hair messily, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor.

“What video?” He questioned, not sounding like he fully understood what had happened, but then you could almost feel the weight of realization falling on him, “Wait, our video?”

“Yes! Our video!” You were yelling at this point, not at him but at the situation and thankfully he understood that.

“Okay, okay. We’ll- Hang on my manager is calling. Probably to tell me about it. I’ll be home in five minutes. I love you.” He signed off your call quickly before hanging up without giving you the chance to respond.

While you waited for him to get there, you spiraled down the rabbit hole that was the tabloids and social media. Your phone buzzed off the charts as everyone from your sister to Helena Bonham Carter called you to ask if you were okay. Of course, you weren’t. But it was one phone call from a former college roommate, Sheila, had really gotten your blood boiling.

“It’s okay! If anything, this is just going to make you more famous! Look at all the other celebs who’ve had their sex tapes leaked. They’re like, super famous.” Sheila sounded more excited than she should have, which certainly made you question her motives behind calling you in the first place. Since marrying Johnny, you’d had the unfortunate displeasure of having to cut a few people off from your past who had randomly called you up after years of little to no contact, asking more favors in the movie industry, money, or even just for the clout of saying they knew you. There really was such a downside to this whole marrying famous person thing that nobody ever really talked about - not that you would take it back, though, of course. You loved Johnny more than anything.

Still, when the words left her mouth, you felt a flash of anger swell up, “Contrary to what a lot of people might believe, being famous actually kind of sucks,” You spat angrily, “And call me crazy, but I don’t exactly feel thrilled at knowing the whole world as access to a video of my naked ass!”

“At least it’s a good naked ass, though! Your boobs are looking pretty good too. Did you get them done?” She asked bluntly, still not a care to be heard in her voice. You swore you could almost detect a fake valley girl accent too.

Your mouth dropped open in disbelief at the words coming from her voice, “I can’t believe you.” Without giving her a chance to respond, you clicked the off button before flipping her off through the screen, though you knew she couldn’t see it. The audacity of some people.

The front door swung open, drawing your attention as Johnny hurried into the house, setting his bag down by the front door. “How bad is it?” You asked, knowing his manager must have told him the full extent.

“Do you want the truth?” Johnny saw as panic and humiliation swept across your face, knowing that perhaps that wasn’t the best way to break it to you that it was pretty bad. He stepped forward and wrapped you in his arms, “I told Harrison to take ‘em down. Whenever he found one, he said he’d get it deleted.

You sighed defeatedly, “That doesn’t stop the fact that a bunch of people already saw it.” Your arms wrapped around Johnny’s torso and you allowed your head to fall against his chest, trying to calm yourself with his scent- exotic spicy cologne and old books.

His large hand came to stroke through your hair, “That is true,” He conceded with a heavy breath, “But, it also means that fewer and fewer people will continue to see it.” There was a pause in which neither of you said anything, only took a few minutes to hold onto each other while you thought about the future now, “Y’know, I can’t help but feel like this is partly my fault. I shouldn’t have asked to make the video. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You shook your head in disagreement, “I agreed to do it too. It’s on both of us. In retrospect, we should have put it on an actual VHS tape or something that would be more difficult to get into the tabloid’s hands.”

You were tired of this - of this constant running from the vultures that prayed off your every misstep just to turn them against you and create headlining stories. You felt like you couldn’t even breathe without a scandal unless the media allowed it. You were just grateful that you happened to marry one of the most private actors in Hollywood, knowing that whatever pressure you felt, more public figures like Angelina Jolie had it much worse. Still, something inside you stirred, a decision that you’d stop living in fear.

Johnny pulled back and gave you that infamous cocked eyebrow look of wonder, one that you’d mostly seen him use as Jack Sparrow. Little did everyone know, it was a gesture he’d picked up on doing in real life as well. “Do we even have a VHS player anymore?”

You chuckled and buried your head back into his white shirt, “I don’t even know. I feel like there must be one laying around somewhere. And if not, I’ll go down to a pawn shop and pick one up just for you to use while filming.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” You leaned back, pulling on his shirt to bring him down closer to your level, “That if we’re going to be making you another one of these videos, it’s gonna be on something that stays only between us.”

Your husband nearly choked on air, “Another one? After what just happened?”

“Only if you want to and only if it stays on something physical like a CD or VHS that we can mutually agree to burn and destroy if anything happens.” You giggled and Johnny joined in with a low chuckle as well, “But… the video was leaked. We knew that was a risk when we made it. But, y’know what? I’m tired of living in fear of the paparazzi and public. They’ve already seen us fuck. There’s not much else we’ve got to lose.”

His dark eyes flashed with mischief before he took off in a light jog down the hall without a word. You followed him, “Where are you going?” You giggled, turning the corner to find him digging through your little Harry Potter closet under the stairs.

When he stood up, he shook his long hair out of his eyes messily and held up an old tape recorder that had to be at least twenty years old. Johnny swayed towards you, jokingly flirtatious as he spoke, “Well, Mrs. Depp, it would seem that you’re in luck because your husband likes to hoard old shit.”

The grey and black machine seemed to stare at you and some hesitation set in again but then you remembered what you’d said: I’m tired of living in fear… there’s not much else we’ve got to lose.

Johnny flicked open the side compartment and his eyes opened in surprise to find a tape still in there. He lifted it from the slide and looked it over, shocked to see that it appeared to be an unused blank tape, “Well, well, looks like we’re in luck.”

Biting your lip, you looked up at him with those eyes before grabbing his hand and running upstairs to your bedroom, dragging him along. “The world thinks they’ve seen us fuck. They only got a preview.”

“Only a preview? I thought we went pretty hard last time?” He countered with a low challenging laugh.

You turned around at the top of the stairs, one hand on the banister as you turned to face him. His body collided with yours, his hand reaching around the small of your back to steady the two of you and you arched your body into his, being sure to brush your body against his groin, “Oh, Johnny… we’re both throwing our backs out tonight.”

#Johnny Depp #johnny depp fanfic #John Shelby #johnny depp imagine #johnny depp imagines

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jaehyunspeachparty · 5 years ago

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Meeting his girlfriend

It was SM's annual Christmas party organized by your company. You were pretty proud because you did your best. Your boss mentioned that he was looking for new partners for the sister company in Seoul and you see in this your chance. You honestly just moved to Seoul for the job. But since Jaehyun came back into your life, everything has become more complicated. You have deliberately not contacted him. After you kissed it was hard to forget him, actually you could never forget him. But you managed to distract yourself with sports, friends, and work. Your boss was so enthusiastic about you that he saw you as the ideal candidate for the new company in Seoul. And you finally had the chance to advance your career. Besides, you didn't have much in America anyway. Now your sister Audrey, which was the person with to whom you shared your apartment, has also moved to Cape Town with her fiancée and you thought that you had to move on also. You also visit the SM celebration, but more incognito, because you have to check that everything went according to plan. For the evening you bought yourself a tight red dress. For days you have been on a diet to make you look good in it. Sometimes you didn’t know why you did it all yourself. For Jaehyun? Who has a girlfriend? You were sometimes disappointed with yourself. You liked him, but he wasn’t ready to end the relationship with her. You look in the mirror and feel again this emptiness inside you. When would this be finally filled? Sometimes you wonder if you have ever been able to love. Maybe Jaehyun was better with his girlfriend than with you anyway. You just a being that couldn’t love.

Everything went well at the party. Everyone was excited about the event and everyone seemed to enjoy it. You went through the hall and stopped by a Christmas tree. The decoration was a bit crooked and you wanted to fix it. Everything had to be perfect because your career success depends on this party. "You look so beautiful." You suddenly hear a familiar voice and you have to smile a little bit. You turn to the side and see him. Jaehyun Jung. The hair styled and in a suit. He looked bigger than usual and you look at him with big eyes. "Hi." Like a stupid teenage girl adoring her crush, you grin at him. You try to control the corner of your mouth, but they keep pulling up. "Hi." His voice was so gentle and he looked deep into your eyes. You two say nothing at all, just staring at each other. You thought about how you would like to touch his lips now and feel his skin on yours. Everything in you got hot and you suddenly wanted so much more. Not like back in Paris. You wanted to take everything from him, feel his body, inhale his scent. You just wanted more from him. But you get interrupted. A slim figure clung to Jaehyun's body and turned his collar. "Here you are." She was here, the girlfriend of Jaehyun. It didn’t surprise you that she was beautiful. She was slim and stylish. She looked like from a fashion magazine. She could almost have been an idol here. Her look was amazing and now you could understand why Jaehyun was with her. "I have to go. Have fun." You try to smile and turn away from the couple. It was only a matter of time anyway that you got to know his girlfriend. But she was so perfect, so petite. You hoped that she had at least some flaw. But she was flawless, like Jaehyun. They looked like the perfect couple. Your heart ached and you would like to lie down with a pack of chips and watch awful love movies. But you had to work, you had to keep your composure.

You try to compensate your sadness with work, as always in the last weeks. But it was hard for you because Jaehyun passes always by with his stunning look. He always gave you a lovingly smile, but you didn’t talk to each other anymore. His girlfriend, you learned that night that she was called Suji, was with him all the time. At some point, you couldn’t anymore and wanted to collect yourself. That's why you go to the bathroom and lock yourself up in the toilet for a moment. You only need a minute for yourself. But then you hear how a group of high heels came into the room. "Oh my god, I hate this Y/N so much, why does she have to be in Seoul now?" It was clearly Suji's voice that you hear. You could hardly believe what she said and you couldn’t move. "What did she do?" You suddenly hear another voice that you didn’t know. "The bitch thinks she can take Jaehyun away from me, but we love each other and I think he'll soon make me a marriage proposal." The girls began to giggle and your heart stopped. Was that true? Did he intend to do that? Your heart beats faster and faster and you couldn’t realize it all. "But what does she think? Did you see how she looks like? Awful! And did you see her butt? Totally fat! Jaehyun needs more a woman who is classic and elegant and not as cheap and slutty as Y/N." Tears came up in you, but you don’t try to sob, because of course, you didn’t want anyone to notice you. The next moment you hear again the high heels, who leave the bathroom. You hear the door banging and after a few seconds you dare to get out again. You look if they are really gone and then you go out. You stop by the sink and look at yourself in the mirror. You feel so small and terrible at this moment. Unbelievable how fast someone can destroy your self-esteem. With a tissue, you dab off your tears and check if your makeup still fits. After you have gathered, you decide to go out again and finish the evening as soon as possible. When you went back to the hall you saw Jaehyun again. Next to him is Suji. You look at her and she grins, almost as if she knew what she had done. Does she even maybe? You look at Jaehyun and his eyes were soft and loving again. But you can’t bear it anymore. You turn away and disappear.

You found a small room that was unused. The chairs were still on the tables and in the middle was a bar that you could lean on. You hear to the music from the room next door and you knew that it would break you to go back and see Jaehyun with her. You had been thinking all along that you managed to forget him. But the truth was that you were in love with Jaehyun and you didn't remember when you experienced such intense love like this before. When you try to hold back your tears, you hear steps. You look down quickly to keep your composure and when you look up again, Jaehyun was already in front of you. He stares at you but said nothing. You had a hard time holding back your tears and when the first tear ran down your cheek you couldn't keep your words back. "You know, we had such a great time in America. We had so much fun, listened to music, watched movies, talked all night. Then the kiss that just triggered so much in me because it was so intense. And then you look for me at my work and send me my favorite flowers. Maybe I'm a fool, but I always thought there is something between us!?" You could just take only a breath after your speaking when you feel Jaehyun's lips on yours. He grabbed your hips and pushed you against the bar. And for a moment you let it go because it felt so good. As if you deserve it. All your suffering, tears and pain were rewarded. Just to feel his lips, to take in his love. But in the next moment, you realize what just happened and you push him softly aways. "Jaehyun, your girlfriend insulted me a few minutes earlier on the toilet and said that you wanted to marry her." You look up at him desperately. Why did it have to be so difficult? Why couldn't you just know what he felt, what he thought? "My life is not easy. Relationships are very complicated. If I leave Suji for you, are you really ready to have a secret relationship with me? We can never get out easily, go on dates or just have a coffee in public. We have to constantly hide. Are you really ready for this?" He takes your hand and looks at you seriously as if it were a matter of life or death. You didn't know what to say, it was all so unreal. You would never have expected such a question. Of course, you wanted to be with him, but you didn't know what it all entails. You keep forgetting that he's an idol. It was all so unreal and you didn't know what to say to him. You just stare at him with your mouth open and try to find words. "Y/N, I really like you. I want it to work between us. But I need to know that because if I leave Suji, I risk my whole career. So are you ready for all of this?" He put your hands on his chest with his and you could feel his pulse that was getting faster and faster. And suddenly you knew the answer. "Yes." You hadn't thought about it for a second. You wanted Jaehyun, even if the price was high. And Jaehyun looked visibly relieved. He took your face in his hands and leaned his forehead against yours. He smiled and stroked your cheek with his thumb. "I'll try to sort this out with Suji and try to find a solution." Jaehyun looked into your eyes and you just enjoy his skin on yours. "Jaehyun? Does she have anything against you?" You loosen your forehead from his and look at him with concern. None of this was normal. Why should his career depend on when he leaves any employee? "Yes ..." He said no more and you could see that he was ashamed. "Is it bad?" Your gaze sticks on him and you can see him slowly looking up again. "Whichever way you take it." He sighed and took your hand again. He didn't want to hide anything from you and wanted to start your relationship honestly right away. "When we were in America, Johnny and I smoked a joint. Somehow, she secretly took a picture and want to use it to blackmail me if I leave her." He looked up at you guiltily, but you were relieved. You were more likely to expect a sex scandal or something like that. "It's not a bad thing. It's legal in many countries and even I smoke sometimes one." You laugh and take a deep breath again. "But it is illegal here and if such a scandal became public, then SM would banish me." He ran his fingers over your hand and you think for a while. "So that's why you were with her all the time?" He nodded and slowly everything became clear to you. But you didn't want him to give it all up for you. Maybe it was a wrong decision, maybe you could forget him, no longer love him ... for him. "Jaehuyn, you don't have to risk it all. Not for me ..." You didn't want him to take such a burden. "I want you. And someone owes me a favor. Maybe I can solve it quietly and secretly. Give me a week." He looked at you seriously and you nodded silently. At that moment, you just had to trust him, you had no choice. But for the first time, it was okay for you. "Come over." He suddenly pulled you by the hand and take you to the middle of the room. "Let’s dance." He smiled and put his hands on your hips and you put your arms over his shoulders. As if that wasn't all cliché enough, it played the song of "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran.

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own. And in your eyes you're holding mine. Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms.

You moved together slowly to the music and you put your head on his shoulder. He pushes you closer to you and so you linger. In the empty room, with all the chairs on the tables and where there was none except you two. And you knew at that moment that your story had just started.

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#jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #nct #nct scenarios #nct fluff #jaehyun angst #nct angst #nct imagines #nct 127 #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 scenario #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 angst

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years ago

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For You: 4 O’Clock

Chapter 1: Comeback

Taglist: @jineunwootrash

“Dude! Lei!” Lucas cheered into my ear as he (again) combed his fingers through my recently chopped black hair. Independent from those who cried that I ruined my visuals, he boasted, “I love this!”

Lucas was too excited. About my haircut, about my still-secret impending debut in SuperM’s comeback, about getting to work together after years of being best friends. Even as I struggled to escape his reach, trying to smooth my hair before a stylist could scold me for wasting their hours of hard work, trying to force my smile into the hard line that would fail to convince Lucas to behave, I laughed. I was too excited too.

My laughter died with the ever-present realization that somebody is always watching. That curse of being an idol meant that we couldn’t feel this way— carelessly happy— or, rather, that we shouldn’t.

Before I could remind Lucas (he always needed to be reminded), Mom’s voice broke through the on set bustle. “Break’s over, kids! Hands to yourself Lucas— this is why we have dating rumors! You don’t want to end up like the idol who never debuted!” She spoke without glancing up from her clipboard, without faltering in her fast-paced course to who knows where to do who knows what, the fabric of her bright red pantsuit swishing in time each step.

Lucas finally stepped away, instinctively abandoning his assault on me to stare after Mom. As I dropped my phone into my backpack, satisfied that there was nothing worth a response in my inbox or on social media, he whistled. “Dude, Mom is hot.”

Were I not used to that— Lucas referring to my mother as if she were also his, calling her hot— I might have cringed. Indifferent, I forced my eyes to roll because that was the kind of reaction Lucas liked. “Do you ever think that’s why you can’t get a girlfriend? The fact that you lust after my mother— our manager?”

Lucas shook his head. “Nah. I can’t get a girlfriend because everyone things I’m dating you.” He poked my forehead accusingly as if his smothering affection weren’t the cause of those false rumors, and I swatted his hand away. “Plus, didn’t ya hear? We can’t even touch a person of the opposite sex or else we’ll end up like the idol who never debuted.” His breath huffed out of his forever-swollen lips.

The story about the idol who never debuted because of an unplanned pregnancy was some kind of fable, myth, or urban legend that pervaded every aspect of life as an S.M. idol. Maybe nobody ever really believed it. Maybe everyone thought it was some cleverly crafted tale to get us to focus on training. Maybe we thought we wouldn’t hear it after debut, but it was whispered in response to every dating scandal and mentioned by Mom still on the (frequent) occurrence that Lucas ignored my boundaries.

All I know is that Lucas and I hated that story, and we expressed our hatred differently. Lucas was determined to rebel against it not by getting a real girlfriend but by committing to being my best friend in every sense of the word, regardless of what the press said, regardless of how fans often misinterpreted, regardless of Mom’s plentiful scoldings. And I— well, Lucas said that I was the perfect idol because I was as obedient as I was talented, but the truth was that becoming the scandalized idol in the next cautionary tale was my biggest fear. That’s why I strictly observed a self-imposed total dating ban: fear of controversy. And maybe deeper down, a fear of intimacy, but more on that later.

I shied away from Lucas’s reference to the scandalized idol, rationalizing to his widening eyes, “I’m due on B set. I have to re-do my introduction because I kept getting distracted by Taemin’s laugh yesterday.” I wondered what could have been so funny to Taemin, but I never would have asked back then.

Lucas’s mouth fell open, I’m sure, to tease me about being incapable of functioning around Taemin, but his turn to speak was stolen by a boisterous trio of men I would recognize anywhere.

The faces of Donghae, Eunhyuk, and Shindong were among the most familiar of my childhood. I could remember vaguely when they debuted. I was six years old, sitting backstage where Mom could find me as soon as the first Super Junior Stage was completed. Being an unofficial trainee at the time, I was studying Mandarin.

Anyway, what matters is that I couldn’t escape once Super Junior fixed their gaze on me. If I did, they would tell Mom, and I would be in trouble not only for disrespecting my elders from work but also my elders in a familial sense.

“Where’s our manager?” Shindong barked at nobody in particular. Nobody responded because Super Junior’s demands for Mom had become too commonplace to garner any attention.

“Isn’t this a bit bold?” I smiled gratefully while accepting a strawberry milkshake offered by Donghae, who greeted me with a small closed-mouth grin. “You guys have stormed onto the SuperM set every day this week.” Which meant I had a strawberry milkshake every day that week. Oops. Another failed diet.

Donghae said, “We’ll cross improper lines for you mom every day of every week,” and Eunkhyuk added loudly, as if aspiring to arouse Baekhyun’s attention, “Yeah! She was our manager first! She loves Super Junior best!”

Baekhyun appeared out of nowhere. As always, his voice— a bright shout— preceded him. “Not a chance! She’s our manager now! I’ll never let you take her!”

And just as quickly as he had appeared by my side, Baekhyun dashed off in pursuit of Mom with Eunhyuk and Shindong following closely behind.

I shook my head. Goofball Baekhyun, running the wrong way.

“What is it?” Donghae tilted his head to meet my gaze. “She’s not that way?”

Donghae was so earnest, so intent on looking right into somebody’s soul, that these moments when I held his attention were blush-inducing. I squirmed, and Lucas snorted. “Oh, uh, I don’t know. I don’t know where Mom is. It’s been kinda hectic, and I haven’t seen her in a few hours—”

It was hard enough to lie to Donghae without Lucas butting in.

“What are you talking about?” Lucas had been quiet for too long, so he shouted through a mouthful of barbecue chips fished out of my backpack. Thief. “She just told us— ow!” He shrieked as I grabbed his hand and crushed it with all the force I could muster.

“Sorry, Donghae.” I bowed to my senior. “We really have to go! I hope you find my mother!” Guilty, my eyes flinched away from his frowning face.

Once we were out of Donghae’s earshot, and once I dropped Lucas’s hand, he stretched his digits and whined, “That hurt, Lei! Why did you do that? And why did you lie to Donghae about Mom?”

“Because,” I hissed, narrowly dodging an intern running with two tall cups of coffee, “they’re fighting.”

“They’re fighting?” Lucas gasped.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Or, at least, I thought they were fighting. I didn’t know why Mom was avoiding Donghae, but I had overheard vague snippets of her conversations with Heechul when they were supposed to be watching some drama in the living room after dinner. I heard her sigh of relief when she learned that she would be responsible for organizing SuperM’s comeback and tour rather than assisting with the next Super Show. I didn’t need to know the specifics that Mom would never tell me. No matter how much I liked Donghae, if there was a fight, I was on Mom’s side.

“Here.” I passed my milkshake to Lucas after taking one long sip. “You can have this. I can’t take it onto set.”

“Ooooh!” Lucas’s eyes rounded in gratitude. He skipped off before turning back to shout, “Wait, Lei, what’s my schedule again?”

He needed to listen during briefings instead of playing around with my hair.

Having settled into the chair, sitting perfectly still so the audio technician could clip a microphone to the collar of my sheer black sweater, I responded (not loudly enough to disturb the tech), “You’re supposed to take pictures with Mark.”

“Okay! Thanks!” He grinned.

That time, my smile wasn’t forced for the camera; it was a reaction to Lucas.

Taemin and Kai were unapproachable, each for completely different reasons.

Lucas joked that I was the born and bred idol, and most people seemed to agree, but I always thought that if the perfect idol existed, his name was Lee Taemin. Like me, he debuted at 14. Unlike me, he proved himself worthy of fame and admiration with pure talent.

Hate comments didn’t need to remind me of the role Mom played in my success. I was grateful and, under my carefully crafted proud exterior, I was insecure. I was not talentless, and I worked hard almost in a vain attempt to distance myself from the poorly disguised mutters that I was only an idol because of Mom; Taemin was beyond talented, and he worked hard because he knew no other way to stride toward his goals.

“You need to stop being so weird,” Lucas told me after one of my first practices with the group. “You can’t just stare at Taemin when you pout about how everyone stares at you.”

Lucas was right. I hated being lumped in with the millions who failed to acknowledge Taemin’s humanity. But the truth— that I was some kind of hypocrite— was easy for Lucas to see; it was easy for him to say.

Lucas was the only person who didn’t seem to realize that Taemin was the center of every room. He was the only one who didn’t cling to Taemin’s every word. He was the only one who didn’t see Taemin’s other-worldly glow.

I think that’s why Lucas was my best friend: he didn’t see me or Taemin or anybody as idols. He saw us as people, liked us as people, and that was rare. From that first day at practice, I was torn between the desire to be like Lucas and the desire to be like Taemin.

Anyway, Kai didn’t like me. He didn’t hate me (at first) or anything, and he didn’t particularly dislike me, but he was the only member (aside from Taemin, who I admired too much to approach for fear of saying something stupid) who didn’t know me pre-SuperM.

Even once I was approved to debut with them, Kai hadn’t held eye contact with me for more than three seconds at a time. I wasn’t sensitive about it, and I wasn’t in the market for a new best friend— Lucas was more than enough— but Kai’s aversion to me was inconvenient, annoying, and frustrating considering that we were cast into a subunit together.

We recorded our songs (which were the most sensual of my career because they were meant to evolve my image from bubble gum pop Idol to something more “adult”) separately. Despite the quickly approaching tour dates, we hadn’t once practiced our choreography together. Kai was my senior, so I couldn’t approach him with my concerns about our lack of preparation. That’s why he was unapproachable; I had to wait patiently for him to address our tension.

I hoped that he would have taken the first step toward me before we had to shoot promotions, but Kai still couldn’t meet my eyes— despite the photographer’s repeated demands that were carefully phrased as requests— as our bodies were pressed flush together before a swarm of cameras.

Although I would rather forget, I think I can pinpoint the moment Kai decided to hate me. He flinched away from my touch again as I draped my arms over his shoulders and laced my fingers together behind his neck, per the photographer’s instructions.

“Come on, Kai!” I rolled my eyes, whining in unison with the rest of the members, who had gathered around the set nearly an hour ago after finishing their schedules. My face was hot not because of the close proximity to somebody as handsome as Kai, not because of the glare that hooded his dark eyes, but because my patience had run out. “Everybody is waiting for us! Can’t you just act professionally so we can get this done some time this year?”

His eyes widened as if I had slapped him across the face. Note: if you ever want to insult Kai— and I can’t imagine why you would— challenge his idea of professionalism.

Kai’s jaw tightened as he forced his eyes away from me to glance tiredly at Mom. “Manager, do we have to do this? I would really like to avoid a dating scandal.”

My next few words were kind of hypocritical since nobody feared dating scandals more than I did. “A dating scandal? These are pictures for our subunit— for our job. Stop making it weird.”

“It is weird!” Kai argued without looking away from Mom as she pinched at the bridge of her nose. He took two big steps backward, and my hands fell from around his neck to my sides. “And I don’t understand—”

“Just do it like this, Kai!” Baekhyun bounced onto the set, leading Lucas by the hand. After winking at the camera, encouraged by Lucas’s laughter (and Mark’s panicked, “Yo, man, what are they doing?”), Baekhyun threw his arms around Lucas’s shoulders and tossed his head back.

When everyone except me, Mom, and Kai laughed, Baekhyun leaped into Lucas. They toppled onto the hard ground, the only indication that they hadn’t broken their neck or any other bones being their ear-splitting laughter.

“Fine!” Mom was calm despite her sharp increase in volume that made me flinch. “If you don’t want to be in a subunit with Lei, Kai, then you won’t be.”

While Kai sighed in relief, I wheezed, dejected. My heart sank down to my ankles. It was bad enough to lose the opportunity to be in a subunit with one of the best dancers at S.M., it was worse to lose it at work where I couldn’t express disappointment, and it was worst to lose it in front of Taemin, who stood stiff and red at slack-jawed Taeyong’s side.

Embarrassed and eager to escape the stares, I bowed to Kai and set to scoop Lucas off the floor, where he still laid giggling with Baekhyun, because he would make me laugh hard enough to drive away this sinking sensation.

“Where are you going?” Mom’s voice stopped me in my tracks. “Stay where you are, Lei. Kai—”

She didn’t have to finish the order. I understood mainly from Kai’s wince that he was ejected from our subunit— not me.

“Wait,” Ten said slowly, in time with my realization, “Lei’s subunit is still a thing?” His eyes sparkled. He smiled because the choreography he created for me and Kai would still find an audience.

Lei’s subunit. My subunit. The title was exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

Who would replace Kai? I wondered, watching him sulk to Taemin’s side. As Taemin’s eyes flashed to meet mine for the briefest second before he muttered something to Kai— probably words of comfort, probably words to condemn my role in Kai’s semi-public disgrace— I could only think Please not Taemin. Don’t let it be Taemin. Anyone but Taemin.

And I looked at Mom pleadingly, as if she would be able to read those thoughts through my eyes. She blinked back at me.

“Oh my God!” Mark shot both hands up in the air and waved them excitedly. “I’ll be in Lei’s subunit! Let me do it, Momager! Please!”

Oh God. Please not Mark. Don’t let it be Mark. Anyone but Mark.

“Why should you get to do it?” Ten glared up at the standing Mark from his metallic folding chair. “I choreographed their dances, so I should be cast.”

“But I’m, like, the king of subunits!” Mark rose to his tiptoes and waved his arms again in an effort to secure my attention. “If you pick me, Lei, I’ll get you into NCT Dream!”

That was a bit of a running joke— my longtime aspiration to perform with Dream. Hearing it in that moment of high stress made me laugh out loud. One of those side-splitting laughs. Real. Mark smiled at having untangled the knot in my stomach with little effort. In moments like those, I thought it wasn’t so bad that he had a crush on me.

“First of all,” Taeyong interjected, ever the mediator in NCT conflicts, “Mark, you can’t get anyone into Dream—”

“Who do you think talked the agency into making Dream a fixed unit?” Mark’s face turned scarlet as he yelled, and Taeyong didn’t bat a single eyelash.

“— Second of all, Lei doesn’t get to pick who takes Kai’s place.” We all shifted at Taeyong’s casual acknowledgment of Kai’s ejection. “Ms. Kim does. So both of you—” Taeyong eyed Ten and Mark sternly, and I wondered how they didn’t fall apart under his gaze— “be quiet and let her make her decision.”

Mom nodded at Taeyong gratefully. “It’s not much of a decision to make; I’ll just employ the second choice—”

“It’s me, right?” Baekhyun finally jumped off of Lucas, stood upright, and brushed off his all-black suit while flicking his bleached bangs out of his eyes.

Baekhyun’s goofy smile faltered when Mom shook her head. “Lucas, get up. Your dream is coming true: I’m giving you permission to touch Lei.”

“Oh yeah!” Lucas flew to my side.

Before I could wrap my mind around the fact that I would be in a subunit with him— my best friend, my rumored boyfriend— Lucas grabbed me around my waist, which was exposed under a fitted white crop top— and pulled me flush against him into the pose Kai had struggled with for hours. “Leicas forever, suckers!”

As Mom ushered Baekhyun to stand with the others off set, and everybody groaned at Lucas’s ever-enthusiastic embrace of our rumors, I laughed.

The camera flashed at last. Finally relieved enough to breathe, I returned Lucas’s embrace and joked, “Is that going to be our subunit’s name? That silly ship name?”

Lucas laughed as he lowered to press his forehead to mine. That was how things should have been all along: me and Lucas free to smile at each other and express our friendship— as silly and affectionate and beautiful as it was— to the whole world without fearing backlash.

“Look at this.”

I slid my phone to Lucas across the glossy light wood floor as we sat, stretching in preparation for dance practice. I watched his eyebrows knit together as he scooped the phone into his hands; I watched his jaw fall open as he scrolled past the headline and through the fans’ comments.

“Hey.” Taeyong kicked at Lucas’s foot before joining us on the floor. Always the leader (even without the title in SuperM), he reminded, “Phones aren’t allowed in practice.”

Lowering effortlessly into a stretch that resembled the splits, Ten defended, “Momager isn’t here yet, so—”

“Look at this!” Lucas shoved my phone into Taeyong’s face. Then, as if Taeyong couldn’t read for himself, Lucas said, “Pop News is writing about the idol who never debuted!”

As Taeyong gripped the phone with his slender hands (and a curious Ten and slack-jawed, messy-haired Mark gathered around him to gawk at the screen), Taemin plopped onto the floor next to me. His knee brushed against mine, and I stiffened while he smiled despite the room’s tension, skin shimmering without the aid of makeup.

“We don’t have to worry if it’s Pop News,” Taemin said. “They aren’t exactly a credible source— remember how they covered that ‘Any Other Name’ scandal?”

Nobody could forget the chaos surrounding the Korean adaptation of a best-selling novel written by a young American woman. The love triangle between the author, a scandalized actor (Jungkook) and the author’s best friend/famous fashion designer (Jimin) was the biggest scandal in recent history. Everybody knew that gossip as if it were the plot of a classic blockbuster film or an almost distant, almost tangible high school memory, so I shouldn’t have been surprised by Taemin’s reference.

“You keep up with celebrity gossip?” I asked Taemin quietly, my eyes narrowing to see how this information fit with my conception of him.

Taemin’s face flushed pink. He mistook my interest for criticism as he often did in those days, and I didn’t know how to correct him.

While trying (and failing) to connect his phone to the Bluetooth speaker, Kai started, “Maybe Pop News isn’t credible—”

“They’re definitely not credible.” Ten crawled to the side of the room to tuck my phone into my bubble-gum pink backpack. Turning back to the group, he grinned, “Pop News is, like, if Mark was a news outlet: cringey, baseless—”

“Hey! I’m not baseless!”

“Anyway.” Kai puffed his cheeks full of air. “Pop News may be a scam, but they have a lot of followers. Sometimes if a lie is heard by enough people, it becomes like the truth.”

It would have been nice to be able to disagree, to believe that truth is truth, and lies are lies, and rumors are just rumors. I wanted to disagree. But I couldn’t.

Kai continued, “And obviously Pop News isn’t wrong about everything. Jungkook and that author were dating! They’re even engaged now!”

So Kai kept up with celebrity gossip too. Was that the kind of thing he and Taemin talked about over meals?

While my pulse quickened at the talk about dating scandals and I tried to ease my anxiety by resuming stretches, Baekhyun stirred from his nap in the corner of the room.

“Well!” Baekhyun yawned. “If you ask me, Momager is the idol who never debuted.”

“What?” The rest of us shrieked in unison, and Baekhyun laughed like a maniac at our identical wide-eyed open-mouthed expressions.

“Just think about it! When Taemin, the king of dance—” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taemin stiffen at Baekhyun’s playful compliment despite the bashful smile pulling his lips taut— “kept screwing up that choreo, Momager demonstrated. And she was no amateur.”

Considering Baekhyun’s evidence, I gnawed on my cheek. Mom was a gifted dancer; her precision, like Baekhyun said, rivaled Taemin’s. No, her precision enabled her to find fault in Taemin— perfect Taemin.

Baekhyun wouldn’t mention this, but Mom was also a natural singer. She proved that on the first day in the studio when she coached Baekhyun through a challenging run. After he crossed his arms and whined, “What you want is impossible!” she stunned him silent by belting the notes in one attempt.

But Mom couldn’t be the idol who never debuted, I frowned, because that meant I was the reason—

“Look, Mom is totally hot enough to be an idol,” Lucas smirked before his eyebrows lowered skeptically. “But don’t you think Lei would know if her mom was a former trainee?”

At that remark, everybody turned to face me.

No, I wouldn’t know if Mom was a former trainee.

I knew very little about Mom’s past because I hadn’t asked many questions. I knew that I was born in Atlanta, Georgia, her hometown. I knew that I could not remember the last time we spoke to my father. I knew that life didn’t really begin until Mom started her career by managing Super Junior.

I didn’t remember anything before Donghae started bringing me milkshakes, and Heechul started making me laugh with funny faces, and Ryeowook (or Wookie, as I had always called him) started fitting our tea parties into his busy schedule, and Eunhyuk started unofficially training me to be an idol through dance lessons. I didn’t remember anything before Super Junior became my family.

As I crumbled under my members’ stares, as I drowned in the guilt of having neglected Mom’s pain if she was the idol who never debuted (in the guilt of knowing I had never asked about her because the spotlight had always been on me), Baekhyun repeated, “Momager is the idol who never debuted!” “What?”

We all turned to see Mom’s ghostly pale face in the doorway so quickly that we whimpered and rubbed at the backs of our necks. Whiplash. Great.

“Don’t say stupid things, Baekhyun,” Heechul scolded as he nudged Mom’s motionless body into the dance studio. “Of course Kimberly isn’t a failed trainee! That story about the idol who never debuted is just something we tell you kids—” he jabbed an accusatory finger at me and Lucas— “to keep you from dating!”

Lucas boasted, “I knew it!” And everyone laughed as he triumphantly pumped his fists into the air.

My laughter was forced, though.

A glance down at my watch confirmed that Mom was half an hour late; Mom was never late. Heechul never escorted her to her schedules. Heechul never called her by her full name; to him, she had always been Kimi. Heechul never pressed a comforting kiss to the top of her head.

Something was wrong, and I couldn’t ask what because we were at practice. And I wouldn’t have been brave enough to ask in the privacy of our home. And I wouldn’t have been strong enough to stomach the answer.

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toshiyesri · 5 years ago

Text

the real gay solidarity was the friends we made along the way

“Bakugo put his head in his hands.

His bros were going to go gay. For him. Collectively. This would be a trainwreck to watch. He didn’t know who was more to blame- Kaminari, or himself. Was there even a chance that this didn’t go badly?

More importantly, how many ways could this go horribly wrong?”

Bakugo was . . . nervous.

It wasn’t every day he tried to come out to one of his best friends. He could already feel himself turning a guilty shade of red. A glance confirmed the hallway was empty.

Still . . .

Rolling his shoulders and releasing a shaky breath, he knocked on Kirishima’s door. The wood under his knuckles gave way almost as soon as he’d rapped a quick staccato tap tap.

Kirishima. A furrow appeared between his eyebrows, clouding his usual obnoxiously sunny disposition.

And just like that, he chickened out.

“Want to study?” he asked, smirking. Like that had been his plan all long. Fucking hell.

The furrow dissipated as Kirishima’s face broke cleanly into a broad smile. The sun was out again.

How the fuck was he supposed to disappoint him like this?

After about a week of hounding Kirishima, Kaminari, and even Mina and Sero at turns, Bakugo was at a loss. Sitting in the late afternoon celebration with a stupid birthday hat on his head- it wasn’t for his birthday, they had decided to crown him for helping them all pass their midterms- he didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t working.

“Hey, man, don’t assume he’s gay based on stereotypes,” Kirishima chastened someone- Kaminari by the looks of it- eyebrows radiating disapproval. They were on the couch on either side of him, having an argument through him.

“Well I’m not going to assume he’s straight either. Anyone can be gay!” Kaminari said, clearly about to go on a long rant. His shoulder nearly jostled Bakugo into Kirishima.

“I’m gay.”

Dead. Silence.

Fuck.

He really said it?

Well, why else would Kirishima be frozen in the middle of throwing him arms around, Mina stuck in a comical pose as she went to drop a can in the recycling, and Kaminari’s face doing . . . whatever the hell that was. The silence stretched on. And on.

Not even Sero was cracking a joke.

Oh, jesus fuck. He really said it.

Bakugo could practically feel the color drain out of him.

“See?” Kaminari said, waving an arm at Bakugo. Yeah, okay, he flinched. Kaminari didn’t even see it. “Anyone could be gay!”

“I’m just saying-” Kirishima started up again.

Mina let out a war cry, stabbing the recycling bin with the end of a nearby broom. Perched on the trashcan, Sero was laughing at her. Probably for being a dumbass. There was no way another can was fitting in there.

And if he let out one or two tears he hurriedly wiped away when he realized his friends didn’t care- because he had the worst, stupidest friends in the entire universe- or maybe the best, but he would never admit it-

Who gives a fuck?

“What are you doing?” Kaminari said, scandalized.

“My best?” Kirishima said.

Bakugo picked him up and set him on the other cushion, digging around for the remote.

“Oh, hey, Bakugo,” Kirishima said. Over on the other side of the room, Sero was fielding Mina’s assault of questions over the girl that had asked him out from class B earlier during lunch.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Kanimari said, rifling in a bowl of chips. Out of fucking nowhere. He wasn’t even looking at him, the light of the TV painting his face different shades of blue.

Bakugo scoffed. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that. As soon as I’m not the only gay person I know.”

“You don’t know any other gay people?” Kirishima asked, as if that was so surprising.

“Fuck no, I don’t. I probably would have come out a little bit differently if I had. They don’t exactly have coaches for people in the closet.” Why was this such a big deal anyway? He was out. That was good enough for him.

“That’s not fair. I know a lot of straight people,” Kirishima said, using his quirk to stab open a can instead of the pull tab like anyone else would. Soda dribbled all over his fingers. Bakugo rolled his eyes and changed the channel.

“What are you suggesting we do?” Kaminari said, a thin edge of exasperation. “All of us become gay in solitary?”

Bakugo choked on nothing, head whipping around. He wasn’t serious-

Oh, but Kirishima was. And, god help them, Mina.

“No, that’s a great idea! I always wanted to be a lesbian!”

“That actually sounds like fun,” Sero added.

“No it doesn’t,” Bakugo said, coughing as he got his composure back. “And besides, you can’t just decide to be gay-”

“Why not?” Kirishima asked.

Oh, god damn it.

“Because-”

And fuck if Bakugo couldn’t think of a reason. Any reason at all. Even a bad one. Four pairs of eyes stared at him intensely. Bakugo sighed, speechless. They were really going to do this.

“Forget it.”

It was going to be painful to watch.

“What’s being gay like anyway?” Sero piped up.

Heat raced up his neck. “I don’t fucking know. What’s being straight like?”

“Well, I think there’s kissing-”

Jesus

“-and probably sex, but not all people do that, so it must be something else-”

fucking

“-well, dating, obviously is probably pretty important -”

Christ.

“-I don’t think they’re totally comparable, I mean pride parades seem to be pretty important?”

Bakugo put his head in his hands.

More importantly, how many ways could this go horribly wrong?

The answer surprised even him.

Bakugo made a mistake.

He should have known that Mina never just asks to watch a movie at 6 p.m. on a Wednesday unless she wants to corner him for something. That’s his one day off from studying. Bakugo always says yes. Anything to cure his boredom. He had, naively, thought she hadn’t noticed.

And when he opened the door to her room to spot multiple people wearing rainbows, he should have just turned around and left. Left U.A. entirely. Took a sick weekend. Camp out at Kirishima’s house and steal his food for a change.

But no. He didn’t.

And that second of hesitation cost him. Mina dragged him in by his arm, clicking the door shut behind them and practically tossing him on the bed. The bedsprings whined.

Kaminari laughed at him, so he mimed something violently graphic while Mina crossed her legs and sat in front of the rest of them. The bastard didn’t even look intimidated, eyes crinkling at the corners. Even Sero was there, shiteating smile on his face. There was glitter on his cheeks.

“Guys,” Mina said, pausing for dramatic effect. “I think I’m in love.”

“What, seriously?” Bakugo asked, sitting up. She looked like she had been chewed up and spat out by a lipstick factory. Not only was she skimpily dressed, but she was covered in sparkly shit and kisses. She still had some holographic tank top on and some glowsticks. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I met a girl,” she said, raccoon eyes wide and glittering with an intense feralness. Jesus, is that what love did to people? She looked almost angry about it. “She asked what hair condition I used and smelled like strawberries.”

A beat.

“Wait, that’s it?”

“Does there need to be more?” she asked, intensity vanishing and getting replaced by a more Mina-like baffled confusion.

“Mina, I think you might be a lesbian,” Kaminari said slowly. Bakugo shoved him off the bed.

And that’s how the next three weeks of his life went.

On a Tuesday before a test, he woke up to Kirishima fervently knocking on his door, practically vibrating with nerves.

“Remember how we were supposed to just be calling ourselves gay? I think, I uh-”

“Spit it out Kirishima.”

“I think, I might be bi?”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.”

Followed by Sero.

“Do you have any advice on asking a, um, a boy out?” he asked, cheeks vibrantly red.

“Are you bi, too?”

“I’m actually questioning-”

“Fine. Get in here.”

Bakugo yanked him inside and snapped the door closed.

So, understandably, he was just tired when he spotted Kaminari. Nothing could surprise him, at this point.

At least he had the decency to show up at a normal hour.

“Let me guess,” he said, unlocking the door, finally comfortable with all the weirdness that had been going on lately. He’d coached not one but three people on how to come out to their parents at this point. Not that he had even told any of them that he still wasn’t out to his own, but it seemed to go okay anyway. Mina’s mom had baked a cake. “You’re not actually straight, and-”

Suddenly he was pushed against his own door, an armful of well worn band tee the first sensation he registered. Then Kaminari’s tantalizingly soft mouth ghosting against his own.

Bakugo’s brain fizzled for a second.

Kaminari, absolutely convinced one of the pro-heros is gay.

Kaminari, sarcastically proposing they all call themselves gay.

Kaminari, breaking the awkward silence after he came out.

“Oh,” he said.

Kaminari’s expression broke, but he covered it up quickly. He dropped back down to his heels. “For the record, I’m pan, so-”

Bakugo kissed him back, annoyed that he’d almost backed up out of reach. Like he really gave a shit. He had been in the middle of enjoying that, thanks. Kaminari made a soft noise before his hands cautiously settled into his hair. It was so distracting it took him awhile to remember the rest of what had happened.

Kaminari, asking if he had a boyfriend.

Bakugo grinned smugly into the kiss.

Kaminari in the present gasped, and the sound sent a tingle up his spine as his own hand ran up under the stupid soft t-shirt to touch skin. The soft hum against Bakugo’s mouth in response made him feel warm and stupid.

They could talk about all that boyfriend crap later though. The lock on the door clicked shut before he could even blindly grab for it. Seemed like they were on the same page about what they wanted to be doing right then.

Yeah, okay, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened.

But it was still. Pretty fucking stupid.

Fucking Kaminari.

#bnha #boku no hero fanfic #boku no hero academia #bakusquad #kaminari/bakugo #gay is an umbrella term #lime at most #but swearing and canon typical violence etc etc

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itsametaphorbriansblog · 6 years ago

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Okay, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

First of all, I love Bohemian Rhapsody, it's a fun movie, with awesome music and quotable lines.

BUT there are some things I don't like about it:

1. The characterization of the band. (I love the guys' performances, so nothing against them) Almost everyone felt like a 2D character:

Roger was a sex-crazed hot-headed guy, they didn't show how he actually is really a loyal friend, kind human being and a sharp, funny and intelligent guy (the "who even is Galileo?" line even tho was funny, it enraged me, he studied BIOLOGY AND ENTERED DENTAL SCHOOL, he for sure knows who is Galileo and if it truly was a sarcastic comment, they dumbed him down so much, that you can't realize it, and for what? I don't think there was a good reason for him to be that stupid. AND HE WAS THE ONE TOTALLY COMMITTED TO THE BAND SINCE THE BEGINNING, that was his fucking dream. And he didn't have his moment to shine with a song, a video idea or a concept ("Radio Gaga" if you want to start somewhere) like the rest of the guys, instead they made "I'm in love with my car" (a bop) the butt of the joke and a running gag.

John was poorly treated, I know he was introverted or shy, however when a person is shy or introverted, it escalates to the point where you feel comfortable around 'your family' (as the movie puts it) and in the film I don't see that escalation, he took 2 albums to finally write a song, in where he called himself someone out ("Misfire") but he at the end was comfortable with the rest (he made them sing "I'm happy at home" for the love of god). He had little to no lines, and they didn't show how "with two sentences he could make you curl up and die", and even if that wasn't the point, he was a sarcastic, witty, soft and happy guy, who came up with amazing songs like "Back Chat".

Brian was an angel in the movie, and I KNOW he is gentle, soft-spoken and smart. But he also was the most strong-headed out of the four, He and Roger were the ones that fought over songs the most and FREDDIE was the mediator. He also wanted to make a guitar solo in every song (pissing of Deaky), and he was the first one to have a cheating scandal (and making a song out of his cheating habits "It's late")

HOWEVER, THE WORST CASE WAS FREDDIE. Even tho he was the most "real" out of the four, he ended up being a victim and had his sexuallity demonized. His relationship with Jim was really cut short, and they extended Mary's soooo much, it was not necessary. I know they were friends after their break up, but if you want to make the point that Queen is the addition to it´s parts and a family, then why she had to be so involved n "saving" him? Why not the guys actually made the intervention? they knew Freddie was not ok in the movie. They, also, made his stage persona, his personality. He had a flair for the theatrics, however he was not a diva 100% of the time, he had his playful, funny, chill moments. And his commitment to the band was amazing always, In 1969 he said he was going to be a pop star and a legend so him to his friends, and he had an awesome work ethic (they were all perfectionist) so why showing him arriving late to rehearsals?.

2. The interrelationships between the band members were cut short:

They didn't show how Roger and John interacted. Roger was the first one who bonded with John TRHU THEIR LOVE OF CARS, and the one to introduce and make Deaky comfortable with the rest of the guys for starters. Deaky pointed Roger as the most handsome guy in a room full of contestants, even when Roger was not in that competition. Roger remembered the 'Under pressure' line when Deaky forgot it. They complimented each other.

The relationship between Freddie and John was criminally robbed. Freddie was a momma bear towards John, so Freddie actually being so pissy towards Deaky, and not encouraging makes me angry. He made John got out of his shell, and was the OG Deaky stan.

The Roger/Freddie relationship was transform in the opposite,They were good friends (soulmates as Jim puts it) and they got each other (the one vision behind the scenes anyone?), why the fuck put them against each other so much? they messed around together, they even lived together at a certain point for god's sake! the both of them were PLAYFUL and had fun, they knew each other long before Queen, they had a Kensington market stall. So fuck off.

Brian and Roger were completely pissy. And I know they fought in the studio. But they friendship outside of it is legendary, they have 50+ years of being friends. Brian was in awe when he first saw Roger toning his drum set and heard him play, he said "that's how a drum must sound" he always compliments Roger's play style, saying it's unique and identifiable. He also says that Roger is one of the brightest, sharpest and down to earth persons he knows (and we are talking with and astrophysics). You can see the familiarity in interviews, the banter, they are brothers.

3. They robbed us of iconic moments:

The "Simon Ferocious" scene

The "Under Pressure" incident

LIVE AT MONTREAL

Rogers styles thru the years (he was the rainbow man for the love of God, not some plain ass bitch)

AND HIS MULLET

Roger chasing Dominique (cause his a soft boy)

Brian with his kids

"It's a Hard Life" video

The cupboard moment, even if it wasn't true, now is canon.

Deaky meeting the guys in a disco (a place which Roger and Brian hated)

Roger being the trendy bastard that he is (and his awfully bad acting)

Micheal Jackson saying that AOBTD was a bop. And the llama incident.

"Crazy little thing called love" creation.

Roger breaking the nose of someone that had called Freddie mean things.

"Liar", " March of the Black Queen" or"Death in two legs" anyone?

And I could go on for hours.

4. The flow of the editing was kind of weird, and had too many montages.

NOW THE SOLUTION TO THIS:

Make a Netflix series with one season and 8/10 chapters, like "Luis Miguel" for example.

You can divide it into 4 eras, and every era occupying 2 chapters of an hour each chapter ...

First one in John's P.O.V: from 1970 to 1974, from John joining the band till Live at Rainbow. Including John meeting Veronica, Brian presenting Mary to Freddie and John feeling comfortable with the guys. Plus, Brian marrying Chrissie.

The second one from Freddie's P.O.V: from 1975 to 1978. Dedicating an entire chapter to them being in the ruin, John having basically no home, and having to move with Brian (another robbed friendship, btw) and the creation of "A night at the opera". The other chapter Roger meeting Dominique, Freddie ending things with Mary, and finishing with "Jazz", plus "Don't stop me now" opening the door to the United States's public.

The third one in Roger's P.O.V: from 1980 to 1985. Starting in a high note with AOBTD, going thru Hot Space, the fights (and possible break up of the band) because of the album and Roger's solo work. The second chapter would include the South American Tour (since there were dictatorship in all the countries they visited and was basically like Beatle Mania), Freddie meeting Jim, Freddie's solo stuff, the creation of Radio GaGa and finishing with Live Aid. Roger quitting smoking cause of Dominique's bronchitis.

The fourth one in Brian's P.O.V: from 1986 to 1991. Starting with Wembley Stadium, "A kind of magic" album and him meeting Anita and divorcing Chrissie, discovering that Freddie had aids and showing his strength, and his bright attitude, and not having pity for him. Roger's divorce and him meeting Debbie. Ending in The "Show must go on"™ moment.

And the fifth era as an epilogue, in John, Brian and Roger's P.O.V.: They don't show Freddie's death, nor his last stages. However, the chapter starts with the press harassing both Roger and Brian, and Roger defending Freddie a week after his passing. They show the damage that caused Freddie's death not only in the members of the band but in the fans. The last chapter is the "Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert" Ending with Somebody to Love, cause that is THE Freddie Mercury ™ song.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

#queen #brian may #freddie mercury #john deacon #ben hardy #borhap #joe mazzello #bohemian rhapsody #gwilym lee #rami malek #roger taylor

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soraegeeks · 5 years ago

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Review: Claim Me Chapter 13-16

It’s been a minute since I’ve talked about Claim Me, so here’s my previous review of chapters 1-12.

Alright, let’s jump in. When we left off, Izuku was missing and returned to the agency like nothing happened. In chapter 13 we actually find out where he was and UGH. Izuku woke in the belly of the beast! I’ll admit that unlike some commenters, I totally missed that the woman he ran into in chapter 12 could have been Toga. They were right! Izuku was restrained in quirk nullifying cuffs that only pro hero had access (how the hell did they get them?!) and intravenous drugs. And these villains are connected to the case that the heroes had been investigating?! This is bad! Izuku becomes a guinea pig where they try Orders on him but of course he’s Claimed so they won’t work. Except they bring Shinsou out to control his mind. How the hell is Shinsou there? He was supposed to be undercover and that’s why Izuku couldn’t have Shinsou claim him! Gat dammit. Is he how they got the cuffs? And then Toga overrode Katsuki’s Claim. NOOOO, that must have been why Katsuki could feel the pain of needles through the Claim. He FELT her overriding it. Aw damn. And she Ordered Izuku to fake like nothing happened, OF COURSE! But what did they want from him and why were they upset that he had already been Claimed?! On the reread, I must have been tired the first time I read because I totally missed that Toga was disguised as some else and walked past Izuku to begin their plan but what is it?! Why is Hero Deku destroying the street??!!

Chapter 14

Hero Deku has caused so much destruction. WOW! I’m surprised that Hero Ground Zero didn’t break the sound barrier rushing over to stop him. Poor GZ, he had no idea that the Claim was overwritten and he tried to Order Deku to stop. He saw the pain in Deku’s eyes and knew that he didn’t want to be destroying the city and then what the hell?! Deku Ordered GZ?! How is that possible??!!! These two are ridiculously smart and analytical. While surveying the damage, GZ noticed something out of order, SHINSOU was there!!! How had no one else noticed that he wasn't supposed to be there. I love that it’s canon that Kastuki is extremely smart and fic writers latch on to that. Toga, of course, was disguised as Shinsou and had the gall to TAUNT GZ about overriding his claim. That’s it. She needed to be taken down!!! You can’t just play with my boy’s heart like that. Deku rushed over to shield her and when she Ordered him to kill GZ he broke out of her Orders!!!!!! Yes! Claim or no claim he would never let anyone make him hurt HIS KACCHAN! And the chapter ends with Deku begging GZ to hit them with an explosion while he had Toga captured. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Chapter 15

And we learn how the villains have been doing their work. They had concentrated hormones in pills??!!! WTH?! Oh, now it makes that Deku must have used the Beta hormone pill to calm Toga down at the end of chapter 14 before GZ attacked. I’m worried, though, about what the villains have planned next since Izuku and Shinsou didn’t know or remember. Our boy Katsuki. Sigh. He realizes that he loves Izuku but Mr. Bad With Feelings had no idea how to deal with it. So much so that he never visited Izuku over the five days that he was in police custody. Come on bruh! Oh damn. Katsuki offered to Claim Izuku again and he declined. Oh. OH! That absolutely broke Katsuki’s heart. A villain’s claim was better than HIS?! And awkward turtle Izuku said they could still be fuck buddies. SIGH! Because these fools never properly communicate, Izuku felt like Katsuki never really cared and vice versa. UGH! These two.

No matter what, though, these two will always do for each other and it was great that GZ defended Deku in front of the media. Deku was not prepared for the shitstorm they were brewing up. Ohohhohoho!!! The first day back to work and Izuku’s preheat starts?!?! No surprise at all who he fantasized about and called. LOL We’re left with a cliffhanger of Katsuki banging at Izuku’s door. Chapter 16 should be VERY interesting. *wiggles eyebrows*

And AS SOON as I finished my notes on chapter 15, chapter 16 was published so let’s dive in shall we?!

Chapter 16

Of course Katsuki is the type of person who doesn’t check his voicemail and just shows up unannounced. LMAO I’m not surprised. Katsuki’s poor heart when he realized that Izuku was only apologizing for lying about being in the hospital and not his feelings. But Katsuki is such a sucker for Izuku. Bless his heart. Izuku has no idea how much he has Katsuki wrapped around his little finger. And mes amis we have a smut chapter cause Izuku’s heat has now triggered Katsuki’s rut!!! They’re going to destroy poor Izuku’s apartment. LOL

What?! Izuku called up One For All to lift Katsuki and throw him on the bed???!!! YOOOOOOOO! And wait, Katsuki cried during sex?! OMG The emotions were too much for our angry gremlin. Awwww *wipes tear* FOUR DAYS LATER, when Izuku texted the agency to let them know that his heat was over I wondered if Katsuki had let them know he would be out for his rut. I’m sure he did so now I wonder if their friends/colleagues at the agency will notice their overlapping time out and say anything anything??!!! Scandalous! Izuku’s revelation at the end of the chapter made me wonder if he was pregnant but I remember that earlier in the story when he and Katsuki started hooking up he said he was on birth control. So, I wonder instead is he feels like he’s in love. Dun dun dun. We shall have to wait and see.

#mha #bnha #bkdk #bakudeku #ktdk #katsudeku #So Rae Geeks Reviews #fic: Claim Me #ScientificallySinful

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talkingismylifewrites · 6 years ago

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Man you already have my whole heart with the king au i love dominic and how much he wants to play mix and match (lmao) with the kids and ron seems like such a sweetie it would be so funny to see little blonde regina and dominic try to get this very catholic man to Let Loose once in a while

Originally I was gonna smack you in the face with some good ol’catholic angst but I decided to be nice considering I have another angst ask waiting to be posted. so here’s something only lightly angsty but sexy!! we’ll hold the angst for another day :)

so ron is Catholic which is a big deal because

a) he’s already knocked up his wife and had to marry her to avoid the scandal but she’s a famous rockstar so everyone knew anyways and

b) he’s now in a fully committed relationship with his wife’s best friend and bandmate and her boyfriend

and he would never ever ever change a thing because there are few things in life greater than waking up to see dom snoring like a foghorn while playing little spoon to johanna or regina attempting to hold the baby, make a bottle, and fix herself a cup of coffee in the morning

like he loves them so much

and he tries to tell them every single day

he tells them by making them dinner, or running them a bath, or letting regina pick the movie even though they know its going to be some weird scifi film they’ve never even seen but WHATEVER he’s gonna do it anyways

he gives backrubs and kisses and cuddles and twice a month he brings home flowers for his girls, always two bouquets, (one for regina one for johanna) and a new six pack of craftbeer for dom

he’s also a very generous lover once he got past the whole “i’m having sex with a man and my wife is having sex with a woman and oh no we’re technically both cheating”

because while he knows he’s not cheating because it’s legit just regina and dom

part of him is like oh no i have Broken My Wedding Vows

Dom and Regina hate when he does this because they’re like, yeah, so??? your wife has too like she is right now she’s literally fucking my boyfriend/your lover in the laundry room

BUT I DIGRESS

so ron is like, hey, reg, dom, you guys know that even though i can’t show you that i love you in public...i do, right?

and regina is like duh

and dom is like, yes, but i mean, you could show it better by CLOSING THE CEREAL BAG WHEN YOU’RE DONE, RON. YOU LEAVE IT OPEN AND THEN THE CORNFLAKES GO STALE AND HONESTLY, WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN?? WE HAVE CHIP CLIPS FOR A REASON

(dom is very passionate about food)

so ron is Very Uptight when they’re in public and is like i will only ever look at johanna i will only touch johanna and i will not give us away because that is a Sin

meanwhile

regina is like, hey ron, ron, hey hey hey ron!! betcha i can get johanna off here under this table!! watch!!

and dom is like hey ron, just thinking, but like, that closet is TOTALLY big enough for the four of us to have sex in

regina’s like ron, do you like my panties??? its the back lace ones the ones you bought me?? do you??

or they’ll be at a dinner party with trusted friends and dom will just start regaling them with tales of the bedroom with stars in his eyes about how “ron made regina come like, seven times. like i thought she was gonna die but then she rolled over and was like, jo, fetch the strap, i’ve got time for a few more”

and even johanna’s like regina wanna see how soundproof the new soundproof booth is???

and ron is D Y I N G

becuase this is not what Good Wholesome Catholics Do!!!

and johanna is like, tbh, most GWC’s don’t knock up their girlfriends OR have an actual relationship with another couple

ron, face down on the table, groans for thirty-seven seconds straight

finally, regina and dom corner ron in his Quiet Place (the guest bathroom it has the most natural light and most people don’t think to look there first) and are like Look

we love you and we want to be with you but we’re getting the feeling that we’re making you uncomfortable

so we’re gonna back off, okay? and its not because we’re upset it’s because we love you and we want you to be comfortable

and they do

no more public sex (that ron is aware of) and no more sex talk in front of people

and for the first like, let’s say month, ron is like this is what it’s like to be a GWC!!!! and he’s like finally i can look my gran gran in the eye and not remember the fact that my WIFE sucked off our BOYFRIEND in her bathroom at Easter while our GIRLFRIEND whispered in my ear about how she was gonna ride me until she broke me once we got home

but then he realizes how much he misses their sly little looks?

like regina has this Face that she makes when she’s making mischief, and he didn’t realize how much he loved it

and dom? dom is the whisper king like he could just lean over to ron and whisper how he should meet him in the bathroom in five and ron would be instantly hard

and there was something fun about it, fooling around where they could be caught

because looking back on it, they never did it where they could be absolutely caught or where someone who didn’t know that they were in a relationship could find out

it was a secret only the four of them knew

he knows that the other three are still doing it, just not him, because dom and regina are exhibitionist and they practically get off on nearly getting caught

(honestly, jo and ron are shocked that they didn’t realize how much regina and dom loved them before, considering how much public sex they had. like, half the fun was fucking where jo might walk in)

finally, one day, he just snaps

its not really his fault, alright? he and dom had gone to go for a run in the park, and well, it was hot

and dom was sweating

and obviously he had to take off his shirt

and there was one stubborn drop of sweat that ron couldn’t help but watch run from behind his ear to drop down to pool in his collarbone

so ron did the rational thing and shoved dom into the wooded area behind the park and dropped to his knees to suck him off behind a tree cuz fuck anyone who might see them

when they finish, he ends up jogging back to the house silently, mulling everything over in his brain

and he locks himself in the guest bathroom and he stares at himself in the bathroom mirror

and he comes to terms with the fact that while he can be a Good Catholic he’ll never be what his mother calls Wholesome

but he’ll love his wife and their partners until the day he dies and when he gets to st. peter all he’ll say is “god help me but i loved them”

he leaves the bathroom, and all three of them are sitting, almost nervous, on the couch

and dom starts and he’s like, look, i’m sorry, if i made you feel like you had to do something you didn’t want to

and ron’s like good. please stop being so sexy when we’re just supposed to go out for a jog like wtf how is that possible for you to ALWAYS look good

and regina just continues and is like “we’ve talked it over again and we’re going to really change, okay--”and ron’s like i don’t want you guys to change because you’ve done nothing wrong. i just want to be with you guys

public sex and all

and regina is like thank fuck because let me tell you it’s so hard sometimes to not just like, jump you in the middle of dinner

they do talk it over and they promise not to do it near any member of ron’s family, anywhere where paps could find them, or where they could be arrested for public indecency

or at the very least, be extra extra sneak about it

that weekend, the four of them go out to dinner and johanna “drops” her fork

two months ago, ron would have been horrified and traumatized and embarrassed

but now?

all he can think about as he feels her hands run up the inseam of his pants while dom stiffens next to him

is how much he loves them

and how much they love him

and that no one else gets to know about it but him

(and melina because regina is a bitch and tells melina everything)

(EVERYTHING)

(the first time melina made a very knowing joke about how big ron’s dick was he choked on his food and had to get the heimlich from a very worried brianna)

(later, as he laid on the couch and recovered while a worried dom took care of him, regina turned to johanna and made a remark that they needed to work on his deep-throating ability if he was going to almost die on a blt)

#john/veronica/roger/dominique #genderbend #ot4 to end all ot4s #caro writes #answered asks #John Deacon #roger taylor #veronica tetzlaff #dominique beyrand #send me more hcs!!!

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pocketsizedsam-blog1 · 6 years ago

Text

The Unexpected Perks of Being a Nanny- Epilogue (Chapter Thirty-Five)

Pairing: Jared x Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Swearing

Beta: @invisibledevour @mack-winchester @quiddy-writes @billietehkid21

Today your daughter was turning four. You loved seeing your little girl grow and become her own individual person. Danika was beautiful, with her long, curly brown hair and her big, matching brown eyes. She was tall and lanky, like her father and her brother, Shep. Jared insisted she had your face, though.

You simply couldn’t believe that, four years ago today, you were in labor. Four years ago today, you were nervously preparing for your baby.

You and Jared didn’t have any more kids afterwards. You had another miscarriage, but you didn’t like to talk about it. You hadn’t talked to your sister and brother -- twins, Adelaide and Adam -- since when you first found out you were pregnant. You didn’t know if they were alive or dead, but Adam didn’t want to see you and you wanted to respect his wishes.

Miles Turner was released from prison due to apparent good behavior and lack of concrete evidence. All of your closest friends insisted you tell your side of the story. You, however, didn’t want to. You didn’t want to have to look at him everyday in court, remembering the pain and suffering he brought you.

“I won’t hesitate to beat his face in if he comes knocking at our door, Y/N," Jared said to you, as he had many times since Miles was released.

“You won’t have to, Jared. As far as he’s concerned, I had a baby for him and he wanted nothing to do with that child," you sighed, pressing a kiss against Jared’s lips. “But thanks anyways."

“Yeah, well, I’m always here for you, you know that."

“I do know that," you smiled. “We should get up. It’s Danika’s birthday. We need to decorate for her party!”

“Yeah, alright," Jared smiled, pressing another kiss against your lips.

Jared took a deep, shaky breath, which made you anxious. He wasn’t normally a nervous guy. He was always pretty comfortable with what he was doing. His eyes darted around the room as he thought of what to say next.

“I didn’t want to steal attention from our daughter’s special day today, but I can’t wait any longer."

“Any longer for what?” You asked curiously, watching as Jared turned away from you and reached into his nightstand, only to turn back towards you, holding a small box.

“Y/N… I know that when we first started dating, our relationship felt scandalous and wrong, I honestly felt like you were my dirty secret that nobody should’ve known about," he admitted, clearly embarrassed. “But I had soon forgot about that and realized that I really did love you. Every couple has fights or rushes into something too quickly… It was clear that our relationship moved very fast and that our fights were pretty explosive, but we always found our way back to each other. We always loved each other."

You knew where this conversation was going, which caused your throat to dry up and your heart to skip a beat. It’s not like you’ve been thinking of marriage since you had Danika or anything.

“What I’m trying to say is that, Y/N, I love you. I love everything about you! I want to thank you for giving me Danika. She was a blessing in disguise. I love how we work together well. I love your smile, I love your laugh, your personality, I love the fact that you’ve loved my kids like they were your own from day one and, not to mention, that smoking hot body," he smiled, pulling away from you to size you up. “I love you and I never want to spend a day without you. Y/N Y/L/N, will you do me the honor of becoming Y/N Padalecki?”

Tears pricked your eyes as he opened the box, showing you a brilliant diamond-covered ring.

You gasped, “Oh my god, Jared! This is b-beautiful. Of-of course I’ll marry you."

Ever since you had Danika, all you’ve been dreaming about is marriage. You wanted Jared and you wanted him for the rest of your life. You knew it was cliché for the man to ask the woman to marry him. You knew that you should’ve been more inclined to ask him to marry you before he popped the question himself, but you were always too nervous. You were glad it unfolded this way, it was so romantic.

Jared smiled, pulling the ring out of the box, then he slipped it on your left hand, third finger from the thumb, to be exact. You caressed Jared’s face, pressing a slow kiss against his lips. Tears were streaming down your face as you pulled away from him. Tears rolled down his cheeks too as you each tried to wipe away the other’s tears.

“You’re so beautiful," Jared murmured happily, kissing you again.

“I love you. I love you so much," you sobbed cheerfully.

You curled into Jared and stuck out your hand, watching how the ring sparkled in the light as you moved it in a certain direction. You were simply in awe over how romantic Jared is and how the last five years have unfolded. You went from being homeless to having a family overnight.

“Ooooh! Y/N, bad girl." Lacee purred. “You got evicted!”

“I what?” You snatched the paper from her.

Sure enough, a piece of paper, issued to your apartment had the words ’Eviction Notice’ written on it. It was previously taped on the door, but had fell.

“Shit," you muttered as you went into your apartment with Lacee holding onto your shirt tightly.

“Daddy! Daddy! Who dat?” Shep pointed to you.

“This is Y/N, guys, she’s going to look after you two while daddy’s working."

You two got dressed and headed downstairs not long after cuddling in bed and talking about your engagement. Your mind was running a million miles per hour as you thought about how much you had to do today.

“Good morning to daddy’s big four-year-old girl!” Jared exclaimed kissing Danika’s forehead.

“Oh, tanks daddy!” She grinned.

After wishing Danika a happy birthday as well, you cooked breakfast with your fiancé and then you two sat down to eat with your four kids.

“So, Tom, Shep, Y/N and I have something to tell you guys."

Ten-year-old Thomas and eight-year-old Shepherd looked at each other, then at you and Jared.

“And girls, Odette and Danika, of course mommy and daddy have to tell you the same thing," you smiled towards them.

“You’re not having another baby are you?” Tom spoke up in a raspy voice.

“No," you chuckled.

You pulled your hand up from your lap and showed it to the kids.

“We’re getting married," Jared smiled.

“Is that okay with you guys?” You asked nervously.

“Yeah." Tom grinned, looking at your ring. “Wow, it’s so shiny."

“Was mommy’s wedding ring like that?” Shep piped up.

“It was something like that. It was shiny like Y/N’s is, but it was a different design," Jared explained.

Danika looked up at you.

“Momma not already married with dada?” She cocked her head to the side in confusion.

“No, baby girl. You see mommy and daddy weren’t dating for very long when we found out we were having you and ever since then, we focused on raising you, your brothers and your sister right before we worried about us," you explained.

“Oh." Danika shrugged, spooning some scrambled eggs into her mouth.

“Is this good for your birthday breakfast, Danika, baby?” Jared shot his youngest daughter a smile.

She nodded, “Ice cream make better."

“You want ice cream with your breakfast?” You exclaimed. “Mommy thinks you’re silly."

“I no silly, mommy, ice cream make everyting better!” She replied.

You sat back in your seat not long after finishing your breakfast. You stared at your ring hard. It was the most beautiful ring you had ever seen - and it was yours. Looking back on your time with Jared, it didn’t feel like all that long ago when Danneel and Jensen took Tom, Shep and Odette so you and Jared could have sex for the first time. Now look at you, four years, a baby and an engagement later.

“Something wrong, Y/N?” Danneel took a seat next to you.

“It’s nothing," you huffed.

“No, no, it’s something." She spoke softly.

“Well… I know Jared and I have only been together for a couple of months, but I really wanted us to have our… our first time together. I forgot how busy the boys are and.. And Jared and I are never going to be able to have sex, he’ll be so tired!” You rolled your eyes and scratched your forehead. “This is so stupid, I know."

“It’s not stupid, Y/N." Danneel brushed some hair back out of your face and tucked it behind your ear. “I remember wanting that with Jensen. It’s totally normal!”

Danneel has been a big influence on your life since you’ve met her. You’ll always give her credit for allowing you and Jared to have your first special time together, you’ll always give her credit for that because of her generous action of taking the older kids. You got pregnant that night and it was all thanks to Danneel. Well sort of; Jared and yourself had a hand in the work of making a baby. Which got you thinking about when you first found out you were pregnant and told everybody you were pregnant…

You and Jared stood in silence until your phone timer went off. When you didn’t look right away, Jared took it upon himself to look.

“They’re negative," he frowned.

“W-what? You’re joking, r-right?”

He shook his head no. You started to cry and you reached for the tests.

“I am just kidding babe, they’re all positive," Jared cracked a smile as he showed you the pregnancy tests.

“The reason I can’t have alcohol is because I’m pregnant," you smiled shyly.

“Oh wow! Congratulations you two!” Alex shot you a smile.

“There’s going to be another mini-Jared around here?!” Misha faked annoyance.

“Wow, speaking of kids…” Jared begun.

“Real smooth there, big guy," you said, shaking your head at Jared’s way of telling Jensen.

With an eye roll, he began again, “Jensen, Y/N and I have some news."

“She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”

“What! How did you know?”

You laughed, “Hey, um, Lacee… I think we’re twinning a ‘lil bit!”

“What…? Twinning?”

“Yeah… You’re pregnant… I’m pregnant," you grinned.

“Well that’s the way you raised me, old man! Plus I wouldn’t want Y/N and the baby to get hurt…” Jared paused. “Oh god damnit."

“Baby?” Gerald cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“Uh… surprise! You’re going to be a grandpa again," Jared said nervously. “Don’t tell mom, Megan or Jeff yet, Okay? I’m not going to let it slip again."

“So… Y/N and I are pregnant," Jared said casually.

“So soon?” Sharon was the first one to speak. “You’ve only been dating since the middle of July, Jared… that's only six months."

“Not to mention that Odette isn’t even ten months old." Gerald added.

“I’ve been trying to teach Odette to say Y/N but it’s no use. She refers to you as mom. I don’t mind though.” Gen shrugged. “You technically are their mom too.”

“It means a lot to me that you’re willing to let them call me mom.” You said timidly.

“Hey, um, speaking about calling Y/N, mom… We… are going to have our own little one to call her mommy.” Jared piped up.

“Oh, no way!” Gen smiled. “Congratulations. I’m happy for you guys.”

There was almost a shred of sadness in her voice and in her smile. You hated the fact that Gen was probably still in love with Jared. But after he moved on too quickly, she never really got the chance to tell him how she really felt. You never hated Gen for that, you just felt bad that she was unhappy. You looked up to Gen and you wanted nothing more than to be her friend!

“Wait… Daddy? What does that mean?” Thomas asked, his voice scratchy.

“It means that Y/N is pregnant, dude.” Jared chuckled. “You’re going to be a big brother again.”

Both Shep and Tom were really excited, whereas Odette was too little to know what being pregnant was.

All these times were just so precious to you. You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard your name being called.

“Earth to Y/N," Jared waved his hand in front of your face.

“Sorry, Sorry! What?” You giggled, batting his hand away from your face.

“I was asking you if you wanted to wash or dry?”

“Oh. I’ll- uh- I’ll wash," you smiled.

You and Jared picked all the breakfast dishes up off the table and dumped them into a sink full of soapy water.

“What were you thinking about earlier?” Jared asked curiously, kissing your neck.

“Just about when we first found out we were pregnant with Danika. How we told everyone," you summed up.

“We had big news then… got some big news now…” Jared grinned, pressing more kisses against your shoulder and neck.

“Yes, Jared," you giggled. “We also have big plans for our daughter’s birthday party today, so get a move on!”

After finishing the dishes, you and Jared decorated the house with previously bought decorations, picked up the cake, changed the kids into nice outfits, and waited for the arrival of the Ackles’, Gen, and the rest of the Padalecki clan. You were curled up on the couch, surrounded by the kids when you heard a knock on the door. You heard faint voices in the back porch.

“Hey, Gen," Jared said.

“Hi, Jared." Gen replied.

“I’m glad you came today."

“Of course I would come!” Gen exclaimed. “I can’t miss my girl’s birthday!”

Even though Gen wasn’t related to Danika, Gen still loved her and would take care of Danika like her own if you ever needed it. Hearing Gen’s voice brought you back to the time when you two first met.

“Y/N, this is my ex-wife, Genevieve, the mother of my three beautiful children," Jared introduced you. “Gen, this is Y/N. I really like her for the job and I think you will too."

Gen smiled towards you, “it’s nice to meet you, Y/N."

She extended her hand for you. Nervously, you took it. You were sick, after all, and you didn’t want it to spread to Gen.

“It’s really nice to meet you too."

Your time with Gen was up and down, you had your high points, like when she encouraged you to go after Jared, and your low points, like when she blew up at you after you mentioned at which Christmas house would the kids be celebrating Christmas. Nonetheless, you were so glad she was in your life. Gen entered the family room with her bags and a separate large bag that had Happy Birthday written on it.

“Mommy!” Danika grinned up at you. “Auntie Gen got present for me!”

“She does, but we’re gonna wait till your party to open it, okay? We still gotta wait for everyone else, sweetpea!” You exclaimed, listing off the tremendous amount of people on her party guest list.

“‘Bout Unca Mish?” Danika asked curiously.

“Uncle Misha and Aunt Vicki are coming too, of course. Mommy’s sorry. Elle les manque," you spoke a little bit of French to your young daughter.

You’ve been teaching the kids a little bit of french lately.

“I know what you said! I know what you said." Shep cheered. “You missed them."

“Yeah, that’s right, buddy," you smiled.

Gen giggled, “And look what else Auntie Gen has!”

Gen pulled a second ‘Happy Birthday’ bag out from behind her back.

“More presents!” Danika squealed and clapped.

“Yeah, do you think you can guess who this one is from?”

Danika listed off several names, but after the second or third name, she lost interest shortly after and begged Gen to tell her who it was from.

“It’s from Nanny and Poppy Batt."

You took a deep breath as you knocked on Camille Batt’s door. You flew down to pick up Thomas, Shepherd and Odette. They were staying with Gen who was visiting with her mom and step-dad when her filming schedule unexpectedly got changed. So here you were, newborn Danika strapped to your chest, waiting to get into your boyfriend’s ex-wife’s mother’s house. Camille opened the door and gave you a big smile.

“Hi, Y/N! I’m Camille. Did you get in okay? How was your flight?” Camille invited you in.

“My flight was okay, thank you for asking," you smiled.

She was such a kind woman, she reminded you of Gen.

“Oh, let me see the little one!” Camille exclaimed quietly, peeking into the Lenny Lamb. “Oh, how precious."

“She’s a little angel," you agreed, rubbing her back.

“Gen told me you haven’t got much support from your side of the family."

“Yeah," you sighed. “The only support I get is from Jared’s family, and they’ve been pretty awesome throughout the whole pregnancy ‘n’ stuff."

“Well, you’ve got support from this household and this perfect, little slice of heaven can call me nanny anytime she wants!” Camille offered.

Genevieve’s mother was one of the sweetest people you’d ever met. She was willing to let a child that wasn’t even a blood relation to her call her nanny. She considered Danika to be one of her own grandchildren. That meant a lot to you. Not long after Gen arrived, the Padalecki’s did too.

“Hi mom, hi dad," Jared smiled, pressing a kiss against his mom’s cheek.

“Hi, Jared! “ Sharon smiled.

You greeted your soon-to-be-in-laws as well. The Ackles’ were the last of the family to show up before Danika’s playgroup friends did. You gave nine-year-old JJ a hug before giving the five-year-old twins a hug.

“Hi auntie." All three cooed.

“Hi, you guys!”

You gave Danneel a hug after the twins. “I’ve missed you."

“You saw me, like, a couple of weeks ago." Danneel laughed, giving you a tight squeeze.

“Yeah, but, you know, I still miss you."

By the time two o’clock rolled around, you had a full house of four-year-old youngsters running around. It was crazy! Danika was more than happy to open up all her gifts. She got some clothes and some toys. Camille gave her one of those growing up girls, which you would take for safekeeping so that your rambunctious little girl didn’t break it. You thanked everyone for coming to Danika’s party. but her, Odette, and their brothers were too caught up in opening all Danika’s toys that they couldn’t care less if they said goodbye to the guests. The Ackles’, the Padalecki’s and Gen all stayed for dinner that night. While sitting down at the dining room table, you remembered the ring on your finger. Everyone was digging into their dinner when you lightly tapped your fork against your glass.

“So…” you started off slow. “Jared and I have some news."

“You’re pregnant!” Gen exclaimed, teasing you.

“No, no," you giggled, holding out your hand for everyone to see the clever rock on your finger. “We’re getting married."

Everybody cheered and smiled. You were so glad everyone was happy. Next thing to tackle was deciding on your wedding parties, but you knew you would have a lot of time to get that together.

“Momma?” Danika hopped down out of her seat and reached to get up with you.

You didn’t like to baby Danika, you wanted her to be self sufficient and a well-rounded kid.

“What, sweetheart?” You asked softly.

“Uppie."

“Have you finished your dinner?”

Danika shook her head no.

“Well, before you get up in mommy’s laps, you have to finish your dinner," you reasoned with her,

“No."

“Excuse me?” You were taken aback.

Danika never back answered you or Jared, not even when she was going through her terrible twos. Well, there may have been a few times, but none as bad as this.

“No, mommy!”

“Danika," you warned. “You have to finish your dinner first."

You weren’t being unreasonable by denying your daughter her own way, were you?

“No!” Danika yelled.

She proceeded to throw herself on the floor and sob. You and Jared exchanged glances before the both of you got up. You picked Danika up and held her close.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You rocked her lightly.

“Somebody’s tired after all day," Jared whispered in your ear.

You supposed that Jared was right, Danika was on the go since the crack of dawn.

“Okay, well, D, baby, you have to stop crying. You’re hurting mommy’s ears. I’m going to put you to bed."

“No, mommy!” She screeched. “Cuddle!”

Deciding that it was her birthday and she was literally screaming into your ears in front of everybody, you gave in and took her upstairs. You even laid down in your bed with her until she finally fell asleep. Jared came up a few hours later, after helping his parents, his siblings and Gen settle in. It was late and you were nearly asleep yourself. Jared carefully picked up his sleeping daughter and tucked her into her own bed. When he returned, he laid down next to you and pulled you into his arms.

“I’ve never seen her act like that before," you murmured.

“There’s a first time for everything," Jared shrugged, pressing a kiss against the top of your head.

“Through all of this, I actually kind of want another," you admitted.

“Really? Five kids is a lot."

“You said that about four kids, Jare, but we’re making it work," you sighed.

“Yeah… yeah, I suppose we are. If you really want to, we can… but can it be after the wedding? I want to save the baby making time for the honeymoon," Jared explained.

You knew that Jared was weary, especially with your medical history. You’d had two miscarriages already and you were as sick as a dog during your pregnancy with Danika. You would rather get the wedding over with too before you decided to have another baby. You especially didn’t want to have to get a bigger dress because you had a baby bump.

“I’m still in my clothes from earlier," you mumbled into Jared’s chest.

“Let me take care of that," he said softly, heading into the master bath.

You heard the bath water running and you grinned to yourself. About five minutes later, Jared cane back out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He picked you up and carried you out to the bathroom, where he had the soaker tub filled up with bubbles.

“We both had a really long day," he whispered, setting you down on the floor and kissing your neck as he undressed you.

“Mhmm," you agreed, titling your head to give better access.

Jared got in first, then you hopped in and nestled yourself down in between his legs. You rested your head back against his shoulder and relaxed as you two held hands. It was romantic- just the two of you. You didn’t hear your bedroom door open and you didn’t hear the bathroom door open either. But a minute later, you opened your eyes to see Danika, standing in the doorway, her favorite blanket swung over one arm and the thumb of her opposite hand in her mouth. You knew Danika only did that when she was extremely tired or sick, and for her to be up this late, you knew you had to get out and tend to your lovely daughter.

“Danika, honey, you go out and lie down on mommy and daddy’s bed, Okay?”

Your little girl nodded yes and headed back out of the bathroom. You sighed, looking up at Jared.

“So much for our relaxing bath huh?” You chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, but duty calls," Jared smiled, kissing your lips.

The two of you immediately washed all the bubbles off your bodies and got out. You dried off a little bit before grabbing your house coat, which was hanging from the back of the bathroom door. You didn’t bother to dry your hair, just brushed it out and laid down on the bed next to Danika. She snuggled into you from under the covers. You and Jared spent the rest of the night with Danika sprawled out between you.

She’s gotten so big since you used to do this with her as a baby. You had an amazing time watching your daughter grow and you were thankful that she has such a great father, two awesome brothers that will protect her from any dangers, and a wonderful sister, who she can talk to and confide in. Your mixed family made it easy for you to know that Danika was being loved to the fullest. You never imagined ending up here. Your rushed relationship made it hard for you and Jared in the beginning considering the few, very explosive, fights you had when you were pregnant; nonetheless, Jared was there for you. Now you two were getting married and you both wanted another baby! Who would’ve thought? Even if Jared believed five kids would be a lot, deep down, he would love to have another. Jared is a family guy. His kids mean the absolute world to him! Your career started and ended with the Padalecki’s but you wouldn’t have it any other way, because you know you couldn’t live without them. You fell in love with the Padalecki’s and there was no better feeling than knowing that they won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.

Tag List: @nanie5 @reachforthestarsgirl @beckawinchester @steverogerswhore @invisibledevour @internationalmusicteacher @xthelittlethings @casiskween

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helpingmehelpmyself · 4 years ago

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Things I Used to Enjoy- March 29, 2021

Gosh, I have so many things going through my head. I miss the days I was able to daydream, read fanfiction, and watch television. I remember the day would go by and I would question where the time went. But it felt like self care to me then and I enjoyed it. Now it feels like a useless distraction that no longer serves its purpose.

I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy. I love fanfiction (particularly, Teen Wolf sterek fanfiction. I can also ship steter, starrish, and stackson. I believe they can all compliment Stiles well). I would squeel while reading and get excited every time I found a new fanfiction that fits my criteria. Sometimes I have good days in which I can read fanfiction and fall into the story.

I used to love daydreaming. My imagination is basically a fanfiction with ten or so fandoms running around with some cannon and non-cannon storylines. I liked falling asleep to my daydreams or staring at the wall while I daydreamed. I considered writing my daydreams down and turning them into a fanfiction for Ao3, but part of it feels personal. This is a world I have written and rewritten so many times since I was... 16, maybe? It’s easier to rewrite or follow through a storyline in my head than it is to write it down and focus on details that I never really focused on before. If your curious, my daydream fanfictions include the following fandoms: Teen Wolf, Scandal, Glee, Twilight, The Gentlemen, and Crazy Rich Asians. Occasionally, Beyonce’s Homecoming special and other things will make an appearance. I include most characters from these programs and create some OC’s in my head that have nothing to do with the other fandoms. Sometimes I’ll pluck someone from another place, like Carrie from Sex & The City but combine her with Isabel from Glee and mix up her storyline, or create a character with the appearance of a famous actor, like the original Mr. Fantastic actor.

I loved music. I could listen to music all day and enjoy myself. Sometimes it was the soundtrack to my imagination or I’d have some of my characters sing the songs I was listening to. I would listen to the same songs on repeat and create scenes with them and sometimes I’ll be able to add new music to the mix. If I wanted to listen to an album, I’d sit/lay down in my room and focus on nothing but the album. If there was an artist I liked and wanted to explore more of, I would go through their entire Spotify history and listen to every song at least once. I’d add it to my Liked Songs playlist because I am crap at creating playlists (minus the Boudoir playlist I made last year for my photoshoot, but that’s another story). Almost every song I have ever liked is on my Liked Songs. I think I have over a thousand songs on there, which is pretty decent. I kind of know where every song is located when it’s organized by Recently Added. Minus screamo, heavy metal, gangsta rap, underground music or electronic music, I listened to a little of everything. I loved Glee, Hamilton, Meg the Stalion, Kendrick Lamarr, the Civil Wars, early Taylor Swift, American Authors, Secondhand Serenade, G-Eazy, Mulatto, Into the Heights, Moana, Victorious, I could go on. Every song plays a part of my history and I love expanding it.

I can’t really do those things the same anymore and I wish I could. Writing fanfiction sounds like it could be a possibility for me because most of my life, I wanted to be a writer or be an editor. The fear of financial security made me switch to a business major and it didn’t make things any easier I find. I guess more approving nods from other adults about my choice in degree was a plus.

I can’t focus on my own daydreams anymore. It used to give me so much joy but it also reflected my emotions: horny, sad, in love, etc. The fact that I was able to create worlds that don’t exist to anyone but me made me happy. Sometimes when I wanted to be closer to God, I’d even deepen the relationship of some of my characters with God.

Music doesn’t sound the same anymore. I can’t focus to the point of slipping into happiness often.

I did have a good day the day before yesterday. I decided that maybe listening to the song that always lifted my spirits in the past, whether they needed lifting or not, would help. My song is “Do You Believe in Magic” by Aly & AJ. I don’t know what it is about that song but when I first heard it on Disney Channel when I was little for the movie, Now You See It. Something about that song was and still is special. I was able to sing horribly to the song. I was watching Freaky Friday that day and remembered how much Ultimate by Lindsey Lohan rocked. I was able to listen to that song and daydream a totally new scenario for my mental fanfiction characters. There was so much happiness and positivity in the scene.

That same day, when night fell, I felt so sad I made myself sick and was gagging in the toilet. I convinced myself not to make myself throw up because I don’t want that to become a habit. I don’t want to mentally make myself sick and think that throwing up every time will fix me. I felt like shit for hours later, but I was glad that I didn’t throw up. I knew I was in a bad enough position that I needed company. 2/3 of my best friends and one of their boyfriends showed up at my place, late at night and stayed with me for hours. We’d talk about the issues that were plaguing my mind and about 2 of them moving into a new apartment together.

I went back and forth from lying in the bathroom and lying in my bed. I don’t know why but whenever I was sick growing up, laying on the bathroom floor made me feel better. I know it is unsanitary and gross, but you get to a point that you don’t care. The bathroom has always felt safe for me. I still remember the first time I did it. My mom, brother, and I lived in an apartment about 20-30 minutes away from where we live now. I was getting ready for school one day and I guess I didn’t feel good. I laid down on the bathroom floor and that’s how my mom found me. She knew that this little 5 or 6 year old that never complained about school wasn’t faking anything. I think after that point, my mom became pretty trusting of me whenever I said I can’t go to school. Whether I was physically sick or needed a mental health day, she let it happen. I didn’t practice this often until I was junior high and high school, but it helped knowing my mom would let me take care of myself however I saw fit. I think she also didn’t want to have to keep taking off of work to pick me up from school.

The issues that brought me to tears were my boyfriend, the love of my life. I have only dated one boy before him. That was back in high school and I liked that I had a boyfriend more than I actually liked my boyfriend. We had been friends for years and were in speech and debate together. I asked him to my prom and, due to a misunderstanding, he never replied. When we realized the misunderstanding, he asked me to his prom (We went to two different schools) which was fun. It was at a country club, his parents had dinner catered to their house for us (very successful accountants) and we got some cute pictures from that night. I found myself bored with the relationship and knew ending it wouldn’t affect my quality of life within that moment. So I did. Now he is happily out as gay with his partner of 3 years and starting Harvard Law in the fall. I kind of like that fact and it made it easier to be friends with him on Facebook and Instagram again.

But back to my current boyfriend, the boy I didn’t think that I would fall for. To make our love story short (I’ll probably go into more in another post), we met on Tinder 2.5 years ago when the guy I was talking to/dating previously decided to go back to his toxic/abusive ex-girlfriend. I was talking to my soon-to-be boyfriend and another guy at the time and my boyfriend was the one that lasted. I remember that I would message every Tinder match with “Aye” because everyone wants the other person to start the conversation or else there won’t be a conversation. He responded with “I love your smile. It’s so positive” and that was my downward spiral. We’re pretty good at communication and we are a good match for each other. We both come from mostly different backgrounds, racially and socially. Sometimes there are things about me he’ll never understand, but making strong friends with people who weren’t racially the same as me kind of prepared me for that.

Anyways, he wants to be a doctor of osteopathic medicine (still don’t know what that is) and go to med school for it a year after our undergrad. I don’t plan on starting grad school right now because I am not fully sure what I want to do with my career just yet. I’m not going to put myself in more debt or spend more time in school without a reason. Anyways, not many medical schools in our state offer the certification he’d need so he’s even looking at schools out of state. I have always wanted to go with him and support him through it while I start my career, but as that time draws closer, I find myself unsure of myself.

I need a lot of attention and am very sociable. I know when he goes to med school, he won’t be able to give me as much attention and he can’t really be faulted for that. It probably won’t get any easier once he does his residency and beyond. Despite being sociable, I have created a support network of my family and friends (we’ve been together for like 10 years). It’s to a point that I can socialize with other people with the idea that they are going to be acquaintances or somewhat distant friends. I usually know what kind of friend I want people to be before or during meeting them. But my dependency on my support network is so... strong that it kind of messed up a very big job opportunity for me a few years ago. I am afraid of having to make new connections again once we move away. Regardless if he choses a school in our state or not, we’d have to move. I don’t want him to be my only social connection, but am also afraid of making new ones.

I made a list of all the things that scared me with possible solutions in which moving away with him was on it. I wrote that I would try to connect with coworkers (I can’t imagine and kind of don’t want to be best friends with a coworker. You never know when play ends and work begins) and neighbors. I don’t even talk to my neighbors now. I thought I could bake my famous browned butter salted chocolate chip cookies and share them with people, hoping that it would be the start of something. I’ve picked up random conversations with random people before so hopefully I can still do that (I stopped the whole “don’t talk to strangers” thing when I was like 19).

These solutions made sense to me and I hoped that by writing it down, I could move on with my life. That wasn’t the case. I became so focused on would by current boyfriend be able to meet my needs in the future and whether I’d be strong enough to let him go if it was impossible. I found myself loving him more than I loved myself and make decisions on bettering myself for him. Covid Vaccine? For him. Finding a good job? For him. I don’t want to love someone else more than I love myself. I don’t want these decisions to be based on another person. I want to chose what is right for me for me and not someone else.

I wasn’t this way before my boyfriend. I actually avoided being in a relationship for a few years because I didn’t think I’d enter one for the right reason. Usually, I put myself and my happiness first. When I decided I was ready to care for another person, my boyfriend wasn’t the first guy I chose. I didn’t know he’d become the love of my life. I didn’t know that we’d want the same exact thing from our relationship and have active, open communication about or wants and needs from the other person. I craved his attention, always wanted to be around him, and didn’t even stop talking about him our first year together. I am better now, but he still finds way into my conversations because he’s what makes me happy.

I’m not upset that I love him. I wouldn’t take that back. I just wish that I was enough for myself again in which I could make decisions for me and stand by them. I want to create the life I want and I want him a part of it. But if that’s not God’s Plan, can I let go of him? In all honesty, I’d rather be miserable with him with occasional happiness than miserable without him. Maybe that’s too strong of a statement so don’t take that at full face value.

I want to be able to figure this out while we are still together, but mentally I keep thinking I have a time frame to “fix myself”. At the same time, I know I don’t because I know mental health doesn’t work that way. I have the ability to take the time I need to take care of myself again which I am grateful for. It’s like having an adult and child in my mind. The child is crying all of my fears and anxieties while the adult is trying to calm them down with reasoning. I am thankful that I am at least this aware of my mental state. I can understand when something is anxiety or depression, name it, and although I am stuck with it, I try not to fall too deep in it.

I still have hope things will get better and I won’t always feel this way. Hope and faith is all I have some days and that’s okay. I am one day closer to being the me I want to be.

#helping me help myself #mental health #anxiety #depression #blog #fanfiction #music #support

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williamlwolf89 · 4 years ago

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Writing Inspiration: 99 Ways to Get Inspired to Write in 2020

Need some writing inspiration? You’ve come to the right place.

Ugh, it happened again.

Another week or month has passed, and you’ve made zero progress on your writing goals.

Deep down you know your writing is important, but you can’t take consistent action.

What’s really going on here?

The truth is, you don’t feel inspired.

You can’t help but marvel at other writers who do persist, and have a large body of work you can’t even fathom achieving.

How do you get there?

How do you find the inspiration you need to stay the course long enough to become the prolific, popular, and successful freelance writer you dream of becoming?

The Dirty Little Lie You Tell Yourself About Writing Inspiration

If you’re struggling to find writing inspiration, you might be guilty of “believing in magic” when it comes to your writing process.

People who fail to do the things they say they want to do believe in fairy tales, like this one:

One day, for no reason whatsoever, I will find the ultimate source of inspiration that will carry me through to the end of the writing career rainbow. It will happen in an instant, and I’ll never have to “start over” again.

They believe successful writers have “made it,” and have no problem staying motivated because they’ve “arrived.”

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Regardless of how successful you are, there will be days you feel uninspired. In fact, what once seemed like a passion-filled calling can turn into a bit of a slog after a while.

Professional athletes love the game, but they don’t necessarily want to train their bodies every single day.

Business owners love money and recognition, but they don’t necessarily enjoy the process of getting their business off the ground.

You love expressing yourself with words, but you won’t necessarily enjoy each and every writing session.

You have to learn to inspire yourself every day if you want to turn pro and become a popular author or successful writer. To keep your inspiration fresh, you’ll have to find various unique ways to get inspired.

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

Fortunately, I have 99 different writing ideas — use them whenever you’re struggling to turn intention into action.

So here’s how to get inspired to write:

1. Do the One Thing They Always Tell Writers Not to Do

Watch T.V. Some of the best writing in the world can be seen in the scripts of your favorite shows. Pay attention to the dialogue, listen for the clever storytelling methods, and use them in your own writing.

Use the ideas of the show creator and the personalities of the characters to get inspired. Think about what goes through Don Draper’s mind when he writes an ad on Mad Men or the way Carrie Bradshaw wove her own life into her daily column on Sex and the City.

Once I paid attention to the writing in my favorite shows, I drew inspiration from the stories and turned a seemingly useless activity into creative fuel.

2. Read Your Old Love Letters

If you’ve been writing for a while, you must have gotten a compliment or two about your work. Keep a file with positive comments you’ve received about your writing. Whether they’re emails or blog comments, reading over compliments you received and hearing how you’ve helped people will motivate you.

3. Embrace Your Insignificance

Realize the universe doesn’t care about you. Oftentimes, we lack inspiration because of fear. We’re afraid because we feel like the world is waiting for us to fail, like there’s a spotlight shining on our inadequacy. We live on a planet that’s one of billions of planets in one of billions of galaxies, each of which contains billions of stars.

In the grand scheme of things, you’re insignificant. Nothing you do “matters,” except that it matters to you. Go for it, because you have nothing to lose.

4. Make the Subtle Shift from Goal-Setting to Habit-Forming

Goals give you inspiration by providing an end point, but habits weave inspiration into the core of your being and make it automatic.

Instead of saying, “I want to finish my manuscript,” say “I want to write 30 minutes per day.” The second statement comes without the pressure of expectation. You’re just putting yourself in a position for continual inspiration.

Habits trump goals every time. The most prolific writers aren’t the most goal-oriented. They’re built to show up every day and do the work.

5. Tell Yourself You’re Not Good Enough

I once heard a story about a successful real estate agent who was constantly asked about how to break into the industry. He gave them all the same answer, “Don’t get into real estate. You’re not cut out for it.” He gave that answer because he knows it acted as reverse psychology for those who were cut out for it, and filtered out those that weren’t.

Try a little reverse psychology on yourself. Try to convince yourself you’re not good enough, and then get offended. Of course you’re good enough! You were born to write. Trick yourself to put a fire in your belly and get inspired.

6. Start a Chain Gang

Buy a calendar. Mark an x on the calendar each time you complete a writing session. When you complete a few days in a row, the x’s start to form a chain. The longer the chain grows, the more inspired you are to keep writing. Picture a calendar with 29 days marked off. You’d almost certainly write on day 30, right?

Visuals and imagery are powerful. Seeing a representation of the work you put in will inspire you to keep working.

7. Become the G.O.A.T.

Focus on becoming so great you can’t be ignored.

Most writers are worried about what the competition is doing and idolize their favorite writers. Instead, you’ll focus on being so good the competition will start to watch you. Embrace the attitude of Michael Jordan in his first few seasons. He knew the league was going to belong to him before it actually did. He put his head down, did the work, and demolished the competition to become the Greatest of All Time. You can be the same.

Put your head down, write, and one day people will say “Who is this?”

8. Take a Dump

Have a bowel movement. I first learned this unusual writing tip from James Altucher. He says if your body isn’t “clear,” your mind won’t be either. You may also come up with some interesting ideas while you’re, erm, indisposed.

9. Embrace Your Inner Hulk

Get angry. Anger is easy to express. When you’re angry you know exactly why something pisses you off. What pisses you off about the world, your niche, or life in general? Vent your frustrations and your powerful words will pour out.

10. Become a Better Writer Without Becoming a Better Writer

Have you ever seen a professional athlete who’s in a slump? Nothing about his routine changes, he plays with the same quality teammates, and the team is run by the same coaching staff. Later, you find out he was having personal issues and that was the source of his decline.

Look at Tiger Woods. He never recovered from his personal scandal. What does that tell you? It tells you life outside your craft is just as important as practicing it, if not more.

Think about how many aspects of your life can affect your writing. Your diet, exercise routine (or lack thereof), relationships with friends and family, and stress level are a few among many factors influencing your writing. When you lack inspiration for writing, look at other areas of your life. If those aren’t going well, your writing will suffer.

11. Make It Impossible to Edit While You Write

Write with the monitor off or with white text. This is the definition of writing a crappy first draft. When you can’t even look at the words on the screen, you won’t be able to enter into self-editing hell while you’re writing. You’ll let loose and write with reckless abandon. Afterward, you can clean up the carnage and make it pretty.

12. Imagine Your Worst-Case Scenario

Think about the worst-case scenario in terms of your writing career and decide you can handle it. Fortunately, the negative consequences are more emotional than tangible or financial in terms of things like writing a book. At the very least, you’re out of a small investment and your ego will get a little dent. You can’t sell negative books. Your worst pain will be the feeling of rejection. Although rejection is a tough pill to swallow, you face bigger dangers in life without fail, like getting in a car and driving it, without batting an eye.

13. Start Acting Like a Child

What advice would a five-year-old give you about your writing? Would they tell you to focus hard, create solid outlines, and hit your daily word count? No. They’d tell you to have fun.

Remember fun? When you were a child, you only cared about exploration. You didn’t waste time worrying about the future. The present was all you knew. I get it. You have “big dreams,” but if you take yourself too seriously, writing will get rote.

If you’re feeling stuck trying to edit your manuscript, write something ridiculous. Write something totally unrelated to your niche for pure fun with no intention of publishing it. Act like a child and watch your curiosity and creativity flourish.

14. Dumb It Down

Stop trying to sound smart. Once you realize you don’t have to write with tons of flowery language and words that could be replaced with simpler words, writing gets easier. People enjoy straightforward writing better anyway.

15. Make Money Your Muse

Take writing jobs as a freelancer if you’re looking to get writing without having to come up with your own blog post ideas. As a freelancer you’ll work within the guidelines of what your client wants. This offers the benefit of making money, plus you’ll develop a writing habit along the way.

16. Use your 9-to-5 to Fuel Your 5-to-9

Scott Adams, most known for his cartoon strip Dilbert, used real-life experiences from his job as inspiration for his work. Charles Bukowski wrote a novel loosely based on his own experiences as a post office employee. Even mundane jobs like these can inspire you to write something interesting about them. Some say you should write what you know. What do you know better than the activity you perform 40 hours per week?

17. Discover the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Create an immaculate space for your writing. A cluttered environment clutters the mind. When you’re in a clean space, you can feel it. That feeling can translate into a calm and focused state of mind while writing.

18. Don’t Believe the Myth

Remember this phrase from Jerry Seinfeld: “Writer’s block is just a made-up excuse for not doing your work.”

19. Sign Your Life Away

Create a contract with yourself. Make an actual signed document stating what you’re going to accomplish with your writing and place it somewhere prominent.

Imagine you’re sitting down to write and you look up to see an agreement you made with yourself, not just mentally, but physically. Wouldn’t that inspire you to hold to your commitment?

These little “nudges” might seem trivial on their own, but combining them changes your environment and makes it more conducive to productivity and creativity.

20. Make Your Writing Career a Family Affair

Communicate your goals with your family and friends. Writing takes up time, and if you’re not clear about your intentions, your spouse or loved ones can start to resent and even become jealous of your writing. Let them know it’s important to you, set boundaries for when you’ll write, and when you’re not writing make sure you’re 100 percent off, meaning you’re spending time with the people you love and not in your head.

21. Get Meta

Write about how you feel about your writing. One of the most successful posts I’ve ever written talked about my struggles with writing. It was meant to be a venting session, but I realized it was worth sharing. Like anger, frustration leads to expression.

22. Converse to Create

If you listen carefully, the conversations you have with other people can inspire you to take something they’ve said and run with it. Listen intently, and see if there’s anything in your dialogue that sparks interest or could be used as a writing topic. Cormac McCarthy said he used actual conversations with his son in the bestselling novel The Road.

23. When Inspiration Fails, Try Desperation

Turn your pain into passion. If you feel the dull monotony of sitting in a cubicle every day pushing papers, working in a factory on the assembly line, or any other job that isn’t being a full-time writer, use that desperation as fuel. Sometimes inspiration isn’t enough. Sometimes you have to get fed up to do the work.

24. WWJD

Ask yourself, “What would Jon do?” If you’ve been following Jon Morrow’s work for any amount of time, you know he has a no-excuses attitude and is driven to succeed. Would Jon give up on a writing session if he wasn’t “feeling it?” Would Jon cry in the corner about someone leaving a negative comment on his blog post? When in doubt, do what Jon does and bang out 1,000 words per day no matter what.

25. Create to Connect

It’s easy to get caught up in numbers — how many subscribers you have, how many views your website gets per month, and how many comments you receive — but remember, you’re writing for real people.

Even if you have just a few readers, get to know them. Send out an email to your tribe telling them they can each get 15 minutes on the phone with you to talk shop. Add prompts to your blog posts to encourage readers to share their lives with you.

When you create with the intention of connecting with other human beings, it inspires you to work that much harder, because you can feel the person on the other end of the screen.

26. Become the CEO of You, Inc.

Come up with a name for your publishing company. Perhaps you don’t have to go as far as creating an LLC, but do something to establish what you do as an actual career and not just a hobby. If it means spending $25 to get business cards printed, so be it. Something in your mind has to transition into feeling and acting like a pro.

27. Don’t Follow in the Footsteps of Great Writers

Let go of your need to be the next great author. When you compare yourself to the likes of Hemingway, Plath, or Murakami, it’s hard not to get discouraged about your own writing. Focus on becoming the best writer you can be. There are plenty of successful — and financially independent — writers who aren’t legends, but are pretty damn good. Become pretty damn good.

28. Do the Math

Remind yourself: each time you sit down to write you’re ahead of 99 percent of other aspiring writers. Most people do nothing. They talk, wish, and wonder. The mere fact that your fingers are touching that keyboard makes you special.

Inspire yourself by reminding yourself you’re part of an exclusive club — the doers. I get inspired when I realize the steps I’ve already made go way beyond those of most people. Once your foot is in the door, step all the way through.

29. Answer Random Questions from Total Strangers

Answer questions on Quora. Users on Quora ask questions about topics ranging from personal development to health to what Kim Kardashian’s favorite color is. Other users on Quora answer these questions. Many authors and bloggers use Quora to practice their writing by answering questions. You’re also allowed to leave links in your Quora responses, and many people drive traffic back to their websites through using Quora.

30. Get Zen, Then Pen

I meditate for 20 minutes every morning before I write. When you wake up, you usually start the day feeling anxious. The practice of meditation helps relieve stress and clears your mind of negative thoughts. You’ll feel refreshed before you pen your first word.

The headspace app comes with a series of guided meditations you can use to start fresh every day.

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has a great introductory post on how to form a daily meditation habit. He also happens to be one of the most prolific and successful bloggers in the world. Coincidence? I think not.

31. Choose Quantity Over Quality

Write ten ideas per day around your writing. They could be ideas for new blog posts, book titles, and book sections or chapters. By the end of the year, you’ll have 3,650 ideas. Most of them will suck, some will be good, and a few will be amazing. Your creative muscles will be strong, and you’ll have endless material to write about.

32. Teach an Old Draft New Tricks

Revise an old piece of writing. This has a two-fold benefit. First, you’ll realize how much you’ve grown since writing that piece, which will give you the confidence to know you’ll improve in the future. Second, if you really add some beef to it, you’ll have a brand new piece of writing to share with the world.

33. Surround Yourself with Great Work

I once visited an art museum that had a photography section. It was filled with famous photos of famous people by famous photographers. I lost complete track of time and was immersed in the photos. When I left the display, I felt almost dizzy. That day, I went home and wrote a couple thousand words in a way that seemed effortless. Seeing great art in other forms can inspire you to create great writing yourself.

Visit a gallery, go to an opera, or watch a play. Feel the passion and inspiration from the artists you just watched, and use it in your own writing.

34. Put a Pot of Gold at the End of Your Rainbow

Setting writing goals doesn’t often work. The reason why they don’t work is because we don’t like to work! We want results. It’s why workout DVDs are called Beach Body or Six Pack Abs in Six Weeks instead of Exercise Regimen for your Core. You know you’ll have to do the work, but the results are what compel you to get started.

Create statements around the rewards you’ll reap from your writing and the results you want, e.g., “Writing my book will give me the money, attention, and sense of accomplishment I’ve always longed for. ” When you think of setting goals and building habits in terms of the rewards they’ll afford you, you’re more likely to follow through.

35. Drink Rocket Fuel to Skyrocket Your Inspiration

Drink coffee. Coffee has fueled the creative inspiration of writers for centuries. I’m not sure if it’s even possible to write well without it.

36. Journey into the Wild

Go for a walk in nature. There’s an odd connection between walking and inspiration. There’s something about wandering about that stirs up random thoughts in your mind. Ideas come to you when you aren’t so focused on them. A walk in nature will distract you with its beauty enough to make room for the muse to sneak up on you.

37. Switch Your Scenery

Imagine you’re lying back in a hammock in Bali. You’re surrounded by warm weather and a fresh breeze with a coconut by your side to sip on. You also have your laptop in your lap. That sounds like an inspiring environment to me.

There has long been a link between travel and writing. Seeing new parts of the world is inspiring in and of itself, plus it will surely give you new material to write about as well. Or, heck, just go to your local coffee shop to switch things up.

Even if you can’t make a physical trip, just spending a few minutes visualizing an exotic destination can provide valuable writing inspiration.

38. Devour People’s Brains

Read. Read. Read. You can’t be a great writer without being a great reader. Read a wide range of material. If you write non-fiction, sprinkle some fiction into your reading and vice versa. Reading widely opens new doors in your brain and helps you make odd connections between ideas.

I just finished my second book. I pulled and wove in ideas from billionaires, dead Roman emperors, and Harvard psychologists. I didn’t go searching for the information. I conjured it from the recesses of my mind while writing, because I’ve read 100 books in the past two years. It’s like Neo in The Matrix where he “downloads” the ability to fight in Kung Fu style.

With reading, you can “download” hundreds or thousands of years of human experience and use it at your disposal.

39. Write in This Insanely Inspiring Environment

Write in a bookstore. Writing in an environment surrounded with words is inspiring. Go to your favorite section and browse the titles. Seeing the names on book covers will cause you to picture your name on your first or next book, and you’ll be ready to pen your masterpiece.

40. Put a Gun to Your Head

I submit guest post pitches to various blogs before I feel ready to write them. Once my pitches get accepted, I can’t quit. As you know, it’s a big no-no to flake on a guest blog owner, and I’d never want to ruin my reputation. Finding situations that force your hand can keep you from sitting on the fence.

41. Search for Instant Inspiration

A quick Google search can give you inspiration by spoon-feeding you endless ideas for your writing. If you’re stuck on a topic to write about, do a search about your subject and run with the results. You don’t have to come up with new ideas by yourself all the time. You don’t even have to use the ideas you find to create a finished result.

The process could serve the purpose of getting your fingers moving, which is the most important step.

42. Chase the Muse

Inspiration can be tricky to capture.

To maximize your chances of spotting the muse, come up with clever writing prompts. For example, you can come up with a writing problem you’re trying to solve right before bed, let it stir in your subconscious mind while you sleep, and wake yourself up in the middle of the night and jot down what comes to mind in your hazy subconscious state. You can set prompts on your phone to randomly write whatever comes to mind at the exact time.

Carry a pen and paper with you everywhere you go to capture ideas as they come. It seems mechanical, but careful planning can inspire you to create more.

43. Star in Your Own Montage

Visualize yourself putting in the work it takes to become a great writer. Visualizing the type of outcome you want is effective, but visualizing becoming the type of person capable of achieving those outcomes is even more powerful. Take a few minutes every day and visualize yourself being in a state of flow and writing effortlessly.

It’s like picturing yourself hitting the game-winning shot. If you can see it, you can believe it.

44. Find a Tango Partner

In a rut? Find a writing partner to keep you accountable. Working with someone who’s “in the trenches” like you will help both of you inspire each other. There’s strength in numbers.

45. Find Inspiration in Your Rear-view Mirror

We’ve all had moments in life we cherish. Why not use those moments as inspiration for your writing? If you’re feeling stuck, try to remember an amazing moment in your life — time spent with your children, a vacation you went on, your wedding day — and write about that. The moment will inspire you to write because the moment itself is inspiring. If it was a pivotal moment in your life, you can recall how you felt and what the atmosphere was like.

46. Eviscerate Your Excuses

Find examples to eliminate your excuses. The undisputed heavyweight champion of blogging, our very own Jon Morrow, isn’t able to use his hands, and has written blog posts read by millions. Stephen Hawking moves his cheek muscles to write. You have writer’s block? Boo hoo.

If seeing examples of people with legitimate obstacles thriving at what you do doesn’t inspire you, I don’t know what will. You’ve been blessed in one way or another. Regardless of what you don’t have, you have something someone else would kill for. Be grateful and use your gratitude as a well of inspiration to create.

47. Join a Local Gang

If one partner isn’t enough, you can join groups of writers to increase the effectiveness of group support. I’m part of a local writers’ club where we meet in person, and I’m a member of an online community of writers. We share insights and tips, and keep each other motivated.

48. Fake Your Own Death

Write your obituary. This exercise provides a two-fold benefit. First, you’re putting words on the page. Second, you’re thinking about the type of legacy you want to leave. My guess is you want “renown writer,” or at least “writer,” somewhere in the description. It will remind you of your ultimate mission and the fact you’ll regret it if you fail to follow through.

As best-selling author Stephen Covey says, “Begin with the end in mind.”

49. Tune In to Tune Out Writer’s Block

Listening to music boosts your effectiveness in many areas such as exercise. It’s also a great tool to inspire your writing, as long as you don’t make it a distraction. Some writers have been known to play the same song on repeat while they write, saying it gives them a calming sense and the music fades to the background while they write.

Music has been known to “set the mood” in more ways than one. Pick an inspiring song and let it inspire you to write.

50. Choose the Opinion You Like Best

Have you ever looked at the same piece of writing at different times and had two different opinions?

We’re quick to look at the negative opinions of ourselves and our work and believe them to be true. We accept negativity with alarming ease. Our mind can just as easily believe the good things we tell ourselves about ourselves. The next time you swing between both opinions of your writing, choose the one that inspires you.

It’s okay to toot your own horn (in your mind) when you’ve penned some damn fine words. In fact, you should do it every time you feel good about your writing to keep the inspiration going.

51. Let Your Fingers Do the Talking

Get your fingers moving. The act of typing itself can lead to a flow state and productive writing. Sometimes, I’ll start a blog post by typing “I don’t know what to write about,” just to get my fingers moving. The staring at the blank page without typing contributes to writer’s block.

52. Get Back in Touch with Your “Why”

Remember your why. Did you get into writing because you wanted to improve people’s lives? Do you have interesting stories to share? Do you want to entertain people? Go back to the source of inspiration that made you want to write in the first place. Revisit it often.

53. Find Writing Inspiration in Dark Places

Life throws curve balls at you. While you can’t avoid certain situations from happening to you, you can use them as sources of inspiration to create.

In an extreme example, Viktor Frankl used his experience in a Nazi death camp as inspiration to help others through his writing with his book Man’s Search for Meaning. You can let negativity overwhelm you, or you can use your experiences to inspire yourself in a cathartic way through your words.

54. Remember that Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Have you ever had a loved one go on an extended trip? When they come back, you’re overjoyed to see them, and you cherish the moments you have together a little bit more than usual. Why not create instant inspiration by doing the same with something you wrote?

Take a draft you’ve worked hard on and “lock it away” for a week or two before you revise or add to it. If you distance yourself from it for a bit, you’ll be inspired to jump back into a relationship with it, just like a loved one coming back from their trip.

55. Look Back and See How Far You’ve Come

Think about something that was once hard for you to do, but you now find easy. When you’re struggling to put together an introduction, edit the chaff from your sentences, or transition between points, remember that practicing these things will lead to a point where it becomes second nature.

56. Picture Your Name on a Best-Selling Book

If you’ve never written a book before, go to Canva’s free book cover maker tool and create your own custom book cover. Stare at it and imagine how it will feel to have a published book with your name on it in the future. The first time I held a copy of something I created, I was euphoric. I continue to chase that feeling each time I write.

57. Let Life Inspire Art

Many imagine successful writers as people locked up in cabins with typewriters, toiling away at their work in isolation until they resurface with their manuscripts. Some of the best writers, like Hemingway, spent as much time living and adventuring as they did writing.

If you want to make your writing more interesting, make your life more interesting. If you’re feeling frustrated, step out into the world, enjoy it, and let your experiences compel you to write again.

58. Keep Your Eye on the Prize

Enter a writing contest. Writing contests often pay for top prize winners. There’s one incentive.

The popular writing blog The Write Practice hosts writing contests multiple times per day. During its most recent contest, the blog partnered with Short Fiction Break, which displayed every single piece submitted to the contest. They encouraged writers in the contest to comment on each other’s pieces and get to know each other, which created a hotbed of inspiration.

Knowing you’re a part of something larger than yourself can be inspiring. Use a writing contest to show the world what you’ve got.

59. Act Like a Hollywood Script Doctor

Rewrite a dissatisfying ending of a popular movie, short story, or book. It’ll get you in the mood to write because you’re familiar with the subject matter. If you have the gall to rewrite a popular story, you should be confident enough to create your own.

60. Don’t Fall into the Routine Trap

Write when you’re most creative. You don’t have to be a morning person to write well.

Some people are more creative at eleven at night. Blindly copying routines that don’t suit you is a surefire way to fail. Create an environment and schedule that aligns with your strengths.

61. Make a Creative Pilgrimage

This may seem a bit drastic, but moving to another city can inspire you to be more creative.

In his book Where Good Ideas Come From, Stephen Johnson claims that moving to a more populated city fosters creativity through “superlinear scaling,” which is a fancy way of saying that the more people you’re exposed to, the more creative you are. Maybe you’re not in a position to move, but if you’re young and mobile, perhaps you should take your talents to the Big Apple or out West.

62. Exercise Your Neurons

Your brain needs exercise like any other part of your body. If you’re not feeling inspired, try playing some games that involve words. Hitting a triple word score in Scrabble can remind you of your creative writing prowess. The education company Lumosity has a line of brain games that help you increase your vocabulary.

One of my inspirations for writing is the words themselves. I was one of the weird kids who looked forward to vocabulary tests, because new words excited me and stimulated my brain. Play brain games with words to inspire yourself to pen them.

63. Cast Yourself Away

Go on a thinking retreat. Bring books to read, but no electronics. Spend time alone to be with your thoughts and consider what steps you want to take in your writing career. Bill Gates does this for two weeks every year to crystallize his vision for Microsoft’s future as well as his charity foundation. You’re not a billionaire with unlimited free time, so a day or two will suffice.

64. Use These Two Words as Inspiration

Interesting questions lead to interesting answers. Many of the best pieces of writing started with the phrase, “What if?”

Use hypothetical questions to inspire new ideas. For example, you could ask, “What if I wrote a piece saying the exact opposite of what most people believe about _____?” or “What if we lived in a world where everyone was bluntly honest all the time?” These types of questions create open-ended areas to explore, giving you new material to think about and write about.

65. When in Doubt, Ship

Seth Godin has written 18 books, and has been quoted as saying, “I feel like a fraud as I read you this, as I brush my teeth, and every time I go on stage. This is part of the human condition. Accept it. Now what?”

Other creative people like Neil Gaiman and Tina Fey have reported feeling the same way, regardless of the amount of work they’ve put into the world.

What’s the difference between them and the people who let their inspiration die? They ship.

They put their work into the world regardless of how they felt about it, and it paid off. If they can create while plagued with doubt, so can you.

Look far and wide for examples of successful writers and you’ll find one common denominator — and it sure as heck isn’t procrastination. It’s shipping. Let their stories inspire you to do the same.

66. Let Technology Lend a Helping Hand

Use idea-generating tools from companies like Hubspot and Portent’s Content. With ready-made ideas and headlines, you should have everything you need to get started.

67. Be a Little Creepy

Have you ever looked at a couple across the room at a restaurant and wondered what their lives were like?

Have you ever walked past an older person at the park and thought about what crazy experiences they’ve had?

People-watching can be great inspiration for writing. You can observe people you don’t know, and let the mystery of their lives inspire you to write a story about what they could be like. It’s part writing exercise, yes, but knowing you can draw material from anywhere is inspiring.

68. Eat a Sh** Sandwich

Charles Bukowski once said, “Find what you love and let it kill you.”

He was referring to what many, including bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert, call a “shit sandwich.”

If you don’t love something enough to go through pain for it, you don’t really love it. Your shit sandwich is the one thing you cherish so much you can endure for it. How is that inspiring? Well, if you’re capable of going through heartache for something, it has an inspiring quality drawing you to do so, or else you wouldn’t do it.

Is writing your shit sandwich? If so, get really hungry, because life is going to give you an all-you-can-eat buffet.

69. Say “Hi, My Name Is _____”

Attend a conference for writers in your niche. You have to be careful with conferences because they’re a waste of time if you go without any predefined goals, but they’re great for meeting and affiliate yourself with industry insiders and the atmosphere of the event will make you want to perform well when you get home.

70. Go to the Source

Reach out to your favorite writers and ask for advice. Many people do this, but they do it the wrong way.

First, send them a message simply thanking them for the work they’ve done and leave it at that. Tell them how you’ve implemented something they’ve taught you. After your initial outreach, come back later and ask a specific question regarding a situation. Don’t just say “let me pick your brain.” Most are willing to help if they’re not too busy.

Some won’t respond, but others will. Use their words as inspiration, follow up with their advice, and let them know when you’ve implemented it.

71. Get Yourself Some Education

Take an online course on writing. I took Smart Blogger’s Guest Blogging Certification Program. Before taking the course, I wouldn’t have had the guts to pitch big-name blogs. I thought they were “off limits.” Seeing examples of people who went through the course, some of whom built million dollar businesses with the course being the catalyst for their growth, inspired me to level up my game.

Finding the right online courses by the right instructors makes a world of difference. Having a laid-out blueprint for success gives you confidence to follow through with the steps required to build something valuable.

72. Pat Yourself on the Back

Take a piece of writing you’ve done and evaluate it based solely on what you like about it. Even if it’s just one sentence. Find something to highlight as inspiration to keep writing in the future.

73. Follow The Artist’s Way

Use stream-of-consciousness writing like Julia Cameron’s famed morning pages to get your creative juices flowing. Many writers swear to this strategy, saying it unlocks the creativity hidden in their subconscious minds.

74. Find Inspiration in Everyday Heroes

I once listened to a podcast by serial self-publishing author Steve Scott. He was recapping the strategies from his latest book launch, which resulted in $60,000 in royalties.

Hearing his story was inspiring because he isn’t Malcolm Gladwell. He started self-publishing books and kept doing it until he figured out how to become one of the best. He’s what you would call an ordinary person doing something extraordinary in the publishing world. There are many examples of self-published authors you can use as inspiration. Find them on Amazon and read their stories.

Once you know it’s possible to make a killing without the gatekeepers, you’ll be inspired to do it yourself.

75. Embrace Your Inner Barbara Walters

Interview people in your niche about a topic you’re interested in. Creating profiles of other people might seem less daunting than coming up with a topic from scratch. You can use their stories in your books or blog posts.

76. Dare to Be Different

Embrace your inner weirdo. Your idiosyncrasies and strange ideas are what make you you. Don’t be afraid to show them. The more personality you put into your writing, the better.

77. Throw Your Big Hairy Goals in the Garbage

When I encounter someone who has a puffed-up chest and talks about what they’re going to do, I know they’re going to fail. Most “grand missions” end abruptly. To stay inspired, gain momentum. To gain momentum, create the smallest goals possible. Your brain likes to “win.” If you set laughably achievable goals and succeed, your brain equates it with making progress. A series of small wins is better than no wins.

For example, if your goal is to write 250 words per day, and you reach it every day for a week, it will inspire you to either write at the same pace again or up your word count. If instead, you’d started out by setting a goal of writing 1,000 words per day, you could’ve gotten discouraged and quit. The first goal inspires you to continue, while the second is demotivating.

78. Stop When You Hit the Sweet Spot

Cut your writing short right when you’re in the groove. Pick up where you left off the next day. You’ll be inspired to dive back into the page because you’ll have been thinking about where you left off.

79. Sleep with the Enemy

Make friends with fear. The sooner you stop expecting fear to go away, the better off you’ll be. Remind yourself that fear is a sign of you doing something amazing with your life — something most others won’t do.

Fear is the enemy of inspiration, but thriving in spite of your fear is inspiring. If you’re afraid of being criticized, hit publish anyway and feel inspired from overcoming the hurdle. If you fear your writing won’t be captivating, press through and ship, because one day you’ll write something people will love.

Action is the best deterrent to fear, but it never erases it. Each step you take forward alongside your fear will inspire you to do it again and again.

80. Bore Yourself to Death

You stare at the blank page and nothing comes to mind. You feel blank and stuck. You’re bored.

Good.

Boredom filters out the pretenders from the contenders. Sometimes inspiration won’t sneak up on you until you stop looking for it. If you stop trying to force the situation and let the words come to you, they’ll come. Those writing sessions where you’d normally quit after ten minutes of boredom may bring a creative breakthrough at the eleventh minute.

81. Literally Write for One Person

The idea of writing for one person has been offered time and time again, but what if you went into insane detail about the person you’re writing for?

Instead of writing for “a member of your target audience,” come up with a customer avatar even an experienced marketer would find a bit obsessive.

Something like:

“Mary Elle Christiansen is a forty-year-old woman with two children — Jeremiah, 14, and Deanna, 11. She lives in Cranston, Rhode Island. Every morning after dropping the kids off to work she visits her favorite breakfast spot, Harriet’s Kitchen, and has a pecan maple danish with a Venti caramel iced macchiato — with an extra “half pump” of caramel.

After her meal, she settles in, opens her computer, and writes. She’s working on a memoir. Her late husband, Jim, was an air force veteran. She was an air force wife. Her entire family traveled the world together, moving from base to base. The constant motion was turbulent at times, but Mary was a supportive wife through and through. She wouldn’t be happy if her husband wasn’t. After Jim died — during a tragic flight exercise gone wrong — Mary was left with a large life insurance settlement, a pit of loneliness in her stomach, and an unrealized dream of becoming a writer she suppressed for her family. It’s just her, her children, and her laptop now.“

It wouldn’t be hard for me to write a blog post to inspire Mary Elle. Get insanely specific about who you’re writing for to the point of absurdity, and get inspired to benefit that person’s life.

82. Have an Affair

Many of the world’s most successful creators had extra hobbies that had nothing to do with their main craft. Try drawing, playing music, or making pottery. Take time to express yourself creatively without writing. Creativity fuels you regardless of its source. Add some creative gasoline to your tank to use in your writing.

83. Create a Monster in Your Lab

If you’ve been writing for a while, you have a hefty list of unfinished drafts. Instead of discarding them for good, you can find inspiration by taking pieces of each unfinished post to build a “Frankenstein piece.”

84. Don’t Trust the Opinions of Losers

Fear of ridicule kills inspiration. If you’re worried about what a reader will think of you, consider this question from the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius: “You want praise from people who kick themselves every 15 minutes, the approval of people who despise themselves?” People who don’t even think highly of themselves don’t have the right to hold a negative opinion about your work.

Get your inspiration back by seeing “trolls” for what they really are — people who hate their own lives so much they want to criticise what you do in yours.

85. Stop Telling Yourself You’re a Writer

Stop only identifying with being a writer. If your identity is closely tied to being a writer, you’ll take your failure in writing as cracks in your personal character. You write, yes, but you do lots of other things, too.

86. Turn Trials into Triumph

You know what’s more inspiring than believing you can overcome obstacles? Actually overcoming them, because knowing you have the strength to do it inspires you to do it again.

Most writers fail because they avoid difficulty. Most don’t grasp the hidden inspiration in defeat. When a team loses by one point in the championship, they work even harder the next season, because they know they’re on the cusp of victory.

When a piece you write gets rejected, get inspired to prove the editor wrong. When your blog post or book falls flat on its face, get inspired to write ten times better the next time.

Real inspiration isn’t warm, fuzzy, and cute. The truly inspired are gritty, tenacious, and walk directly into the flames of disappointment and setbacks.

87. Con Your Way to Success

Become an impostor. Impostor syndrome is the feeling of being a fake, phony, or fraud who doesn’t deserve success. A great remedy for impostor syndrome is embracing the idea of being one. Write under your guise of falsehood. Realize nobody knows exactly what they’re talking about, and give up your need for appearances. Fake it till you make it.

88. Appreciate the Fortunate Timing of Your Birth

Consider the fact it’s ten times easier to become a successful writer than it used to be.

A few decades ago, to get published you needed to throw your needle into the haystack of the publishing world and hope someone discovered you. Now you can publish your own books. With the click of a button, your words can potentially reach millions of people. Technology has empowered us all.

I call this the excuse-free era because there are more opportunities than ever to find exposure.

89. Realize You’ve Already Put in “10,000 Hours”

Think of how much writing you’ve done in your life. From papers in school, to emails, to social media updates — you write all the time. When you focus on building a writing career, it’s more of a focused effort, but it’s writing just the same. Remember how much you effortlessly write in other areas of your life, and take some pressure off the writing you do for an audience.

90. Make a Mountain Out of a Molehill

Focus on doing one thing a little better each time you write. If you only get one percent better every day, you’ll be 37 times better by the end of the year.

Growth in writing is exponential, not linear, which means your practice won’t just make you better little by little. One day, after several weeks and months of getting better inch by inch, your skills will explode. You’ll enter a higher plane of creativity and the words will come out of you as if possessed by a wordsmith demon who scorches the keyboard with its fingers.

91. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Making an investment in your writing inspires you to create because it shows you’re serious. Being an “amateur,” isn’t always inspiring, but “turning pro” is.

How do you turn pro? You do the work, but you also treat your writing like a business instead of just a hobby. Making financial investments in your craft inspires you to live up to the image you create for yourself.

A telltale sign of someone who isn’t serious about their writing is a lack of willingness to spend money. Invest in tools to grow your website. Invest in your writing education. Invest in tools to create high-quality books. The more you invest, the more you’ll feel invested in your work.

92. Stop Robbing the World of Your Creativity

Think about your readers.

What if the scientist who was meant to cure cancer decided medical school was too hard? She isn’t only robbing herself, but the world. Your writing belongs to your readers. Your words can help educate, entertain, and inspire people. I once had a reader comment on a lull I had between blog posts. They were relying on my words to help their career.

Your words matter, and we need them.

93. Pay Your Debt

Earlier we talked about the idea that your writing isn’t for you, but for other people. This is true, but at the same time remind yourself that you owe yourself. Sure, writing can be a bit of a slog at times, but you owe it to yourself to push through the pain and see what’s on the other side, especially if you’ve already invested time into your writing career. Don’t let what you’ve done go to waste.

94. Harness the Curious Power of Envy

Have you ever been jealous of another writer for their accomplishments?

You can use your envy as fuel to inspire yourself to improve. Oftentimes when I see someone else do something I want to do but haven’t done, I turn my envy into curiosity. After seeing green for a bit, I think to myself, “How did they do it?” Then I trace their steps and reverse-engineer what they’ve done.

I’ve used this strategy to get featured on popular blogs, come up with headlines for blog posts, and add more substance to my work. Don’t just get jealous, get better.

95. Hit the Reset Button

I once wrote 15,000 words of a book and quit. I just wasn’t feeling it. I struggled over the words over and over again, but the project just didn’t seem like a good fit. I started over completely and wrote my second book.

The experience of having a fresh start was inspiring because I was re-energized with new material. You don’t want to fall into the perfectionist trap, but you can inspire yourself by carefully choosing when to start over.

96. Create Your Own Turning Point

In every book or movie, there’s the moment where the unassuming protagonist takes the call to adventure. For most of her life, she’d been somewhat of a nobody, but opportunity arises, and she finally begins the chapter of her life that changes everything.

Will this moment happen in one instant for you? Maybe not. But you can embrace the idea of taking action and starting your journey today. Get inspired by the moment, or the idea that life is fleeting. Dig dip inside yourself and conjure up whatever energy is inside you and make today the day that’s different.

97. Curate an Inspiration “Museum”

We come across inspiring material all the time, whether they’re quotes, places we visit, pieces of art, or experiences we have.

What if you created a place to document and store all of this inspiration, so you could use it later in your writing? This could be in a form of a journal or scrapbook where you collect inspiring ideas. You could keep track of things you’ve thought to yourself or heard from other people that inspire you.

When your creative well runs dry, you can look to your journal for the jump-start you need.

98. Set a Finish Line

With the first book I wrote, I gave myself a specific deadline to publish it. I woke up every day, hammered away at the keyboard with reckless abandon, and looked forward to the last lap.

I relaxed a bit on writing the next book. I told myself I’d get it done without any pressure of a deadline. The result? I worked on it on and off instead of being consistent. I didn’t get back into the swing of writing until I put a deadline on my work again.

Give yourself deadlines for your writing projects. They might seem arbitrary, but deadlines help you stay motivated to push through, and they make you treat your writing like a business instead of a hobby.

99. Boil it Down to This…

Each one of these points ties into the central message behind becoming a great writer. You have to write. Get inspired by your own deep love and need for putting words on the page. You’re the best source of inspiration for yourself.

You have the itch, the pull, the call. Use it.

Get Busy Writing, or Get Busy Dying

If you really have the itch to write, it’ll never go away,

You have two options — get inspired and get to work, or let your anxiety and insecurities grow and fester.

I know what it feels like to get stuck between the feeling of knowing you have something important to say and wondering whether you’re cut out for the task at hand.

It’s been two years since I started, and I never imagined I’d be where I am today. The same can happen for you, but not without putting in the work day in and day out until you get what you want.

Remember, whether you write or not, the time will pass anyway.

You are cut out for it.

You can make all of your writing dreams come true.

You got this. Now go.

The post Writing Inspiration: 99 Ways to Get Inspired to Write in 2020 appeared first on Smart Blogger.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/how-to-get-inspired-to-write/

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namjoonbby1 · 7 years ago

Text

Benefits

Hi guys, so part one of this story has been sitting in my drafts for forever and so I finally decided to edit the first part and upload it. It is your typical friends with benefits story but with a little twist (; Hope you enjoy it!

Pairing - Namjoon x Reader

Genre - Mostly smut but everything really

Word Count - 2500

Synopsis - What starts out as a fling turns into something more

Preview

Masterlist

I was devastated. I thought that maybe I was hearing things. That my fiance wasn’t cheating on me. Even as I slowly opened the door and walked in on them I thought that I was hallucinating. There is no way he was screwing my best friend, in my bed.

Once the reality set in I was crushed. It was all making sense now, the late night texts, the unanswered calls. I should’ve known that he was cheating on me. But I didn’t know, I was in love and completely oblivious to the liar that I had called mine. The man that had broken my heart into a million tiny pieces. I picked up those pieces, slowly but surely and once I did I made a promise to myself. I vowed that I’d never fall in love again.

So since that day over a year and a half ago, I’ve been single. And I honestly enjoy the single life. I don’t have to answer to anyone, I can do what I want. I don’t have to worry about anyone’s needs or feelings, only mine. But let’s be honest a girl has her needs and her vibrator alone can’t fulfill those. My friends suggested that I have a fling with some random guy at some random bar, but I couldn’t. How could I trust some random guy to not spill to the public about our fling? I mean as much as the paparazzi would be willing to pay for proof of my newest scandals, I’m sure anyone would air out my dirty little secrets.

Which is why, I was now finishing my look off with some cherry red lipstick and slipping on my black stilettos getting ready to head out the door. My driver opened the car door for me and I got in the car. The entire way there I couldn’t stop thinking about the person who was waiting for me at the restaurant.

See it all started last week when my manager came to me with a proposition. He hated me getting into scandals even more than I did and he happened to be close friends with a manager of another record label. Apparently he had been conversing with that friend and he shared with him my ‘needs’. At first I was embarrassed and upset that he felt the need to talk about something so private with his friend, until he told me about him. About the boy who was having the same problem as me. He wanted to get laid, but he didn’t want a relationship either. Although I felt like our parents were setting us up on blind date or something I still agreed to meet him. Because it was Kim Namjoon.

Namjoon was the guy that I would be meeting in a short while and I wasn’t going to lie, I was nervous. Not nervous to meet him, or anything like that. But nervous about planning and having sex with a stranger. A stranger that I knew absolutely nothing about besides the fact that he was extremely handsome, and apparently as sexual frustrated as I was. Yes I had seen him at events and had even shared brief conversations with him but this was on a totally different level. We engaged in small talk about his new album, or the weather. And tonight, well tonight we would be talking about sex, with one another.

I showed up to the restaurant getting out of the car and entering as the flashing lights of the paparazzi caught pictures of me. As I entered I found my way to the room that our managers had reserved for Namjoon and I. Composing myself and taking a deep breath I slowly turned the handle of the door entering the room. Namjoon didn’t hear me as I entered. I watched as he lifts up the glass and took a drink of the liquid watching his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. Fuck did I mention he was handsome.

He finally saw me out of his peripheral vision as I walked nearer to him he sat down his cup standing up to greet me. “Hello it’s nice to see you again y/n.” He stated extending his hand for me to shake. He examined my entire body and my cheeks heated up.

“Yes, I’m glad we can finally meet again” I replied and he gestured for me to take a seat at the table.

“The feelings mutual. I ordered you a drink, I hope you like martinis.” He said pointing to the drink in front of me.

I smiled answering him by taking a sip of the drink he had ordered. As much as I loved the drink I felt like I needed something a little stronger to calm my nerves so i signaled for the waitress who approached me. “May I have a shot of patron please.” I asked.

“Make that two.” Namjoon said smirking of me.

Namjoon’s POV.

Namjoon felt like he was boring holes into y/n’s body but he couldn’t help himself. She was so goddamn sexy, and the tight dress that hugged her curves just perfectly was not helping the growing ache between his legs.

“So.” Namjoon started as he watched her take back a shot of patron like a pro, not even flinching. He followed suit taking a drink as well and then signalling the waitress to keep the shots coming.

“So..” She replied back sending him a flirtatious grin.

“We both know why we are here, how do you wanna go about this?” He asked

“Well I’ve been thinking a lot about this arrangement. I’ve prepared a couple of things.” She said sliding a couple of sheets of paper across the table. Y/n watched as Namjoon examined the documents in front of him.

“What is this, a contract?” He said examining the document.

“Yes the first two pages are a contract. It basically states that our agreement will be keep between the two of us.”

“Of course, I agree to that.” He said reaching for a pen to sign it.

“The last section states that we are under no circumstances allowed to fall in love with one another."She added causing him to look up at her and let out a hearty laugh.

"Wow y/n you are quite the character. Did my manager not explain to you clearly why I am here? I want to fuck. I’m not looking for any type of relationship, you do not have to worry about that at all.”

“Great we are on the same page then. So if you just sign it we can proceed with the next document.” Namjoon just laughed and signed on the line at the bottom of the second page.

“So what are you going to do if I fall in love, sue me?” He laughed. Y/n returned the laugh and then directed him to the last page.

“This next page is basically a way of making sure we are comfortable with one another. You can write down all of your sexual preferences and I’ll right down mine. This way we can be completely sure that we are both satisfied with this transaction.”

“Wow so I can write down everything I would like to do to you?” He asked. Namjoon was already forming a list in his head of what he wanted. And the way y/n bit her lip only made this list grow longer.

“Yes. and finally the last page, It’s my schedule. You can write down yours so that we can schedule our meetings with one another. We are both very busy people so I think that planning our encounters is the best way to guarantee happiness for the both of us.” She stated.

“Wow you are extremely prepared.” Namjoon stated. “So when do we get to the fun part?” He asked. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“That, starts tomorrow. Meet me at my place tomorrow night? We can go over the the documents and maybe even have a little fun.” She said taking her last shot of patron before standing up and approaching Namjoon.

“See you tomorrow.” See said as she kissed he check softly. Namjoon couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

Y/n’ POV

Friday couldn’t come quick enough. I had text Namjoon my address and I was currently standing in my closet trying to decide which style of clothing to go with. Keep it sexy with a form fitting red dress or casual with jeans and a nice sweater? I opted for the dress finishing off my look with a cherry red lipstick.

I brought two glasses of wine and the papers expressing my preferences into my living room. I sat down on the sofa taking a sip of the wine and my phone started to ring. I smiled assuming it was Namjoon but my smiled faded when I realized it was just my manager.

“Hello?”

“Y/n can you meet me in three hours? K Magazine wants to interview you.”

“Why so last minute… I kind of have plans with Namjoon.”

“For someone who was so upset that I shared her personal information with someone you sure made plans quickly.”

“Still upset, but come on how could I say no to Namjoon.”

“See as your manager I always have your best interest at heart. Anyways you’ll have to reschedule. I’d need you to do the interview.”

“Fine, I’ll see you in three hours.”

I groaned as I ended the call, I was really looking forward to seeing Namjoon. All I could think about was lips, how thick and sexy they were and how I desire nothing more than to kiss him. And his hair, God how did this man have such perfect hair. I want to intertwine my fingers through his golden locks while he -

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my apartment door, shit he was here already. I quickly jogged over to the door taking a deep breath before slowly opening the door. As Namjoon saw me he had a devilishly smirk on his face examining my body as I examined his. He was wearing a black blazer and slacks with a dark gray shirt on underneath. And his hair was pushed back, did I mention how much I loved his hair.

“Hey.” I smiled opening the door wider to give him room to walk in.

He walked in turning around to face me as he spoke. “You look really good.”

“Thanks you too, did you just come from somewhere?” I asked.

“Yes we actually had a radio interview earlier.” He said causing me to remember that I had an obligation soon.

"I actually have an interview in a couple of hours” I confessed.

“Ah, I see. I was really looking forward to the fun you mentioned last night.” Namjoon replied back in a disappointed tone.

If only he knew how bad I wanted him. "Well um, we can still go over our schedules and our preferences so that next time we wont have to waste anytime.“

"That sounds fine.” Namjoon said walking over to the sofa and sitting down.“

"Make yourself comfortable.” I teased sitting down near him and crossing my legs because my dress may have been a bit too short.

We first compared our scheduled, I thought I was an extremely busy person but looking at Namjoon’s was crazy. He spent over 10 hours a day practicing choreography. The other days he had studio time, talk show appearances, and so much more it was crazy.

Sunday night, Wednesday morning. Those are the only two times we will have to see each other. We agreed upon that and moved forward to the thing I was most excited for. The sexual preferences page.

“How do you wanna do this? We just read off our kinks to one another?” He asked.

I chuckled lightly at how blunt he was being.

“How about you give me yours, I’ll read it and then I’ll give you mine.”

“Deal” Namjoon said with a smirk on his face while handing me his paper.

Excitement bubbled forth within me as I took the sheet of paper and began to examine it. The first thing I saw on it was 'face sitting’ and my body reacted immediately.

Amongst the oral sex, I saw that his favorite position was doggy and he liked being dominate.

“Orgasm denial? For me or for you?” I asked shyly.

“Definitely you, you will never deny my orgasm.” He stated plainly. I had to bite my lip to stop the moan from escaping.

“You like dirty talk. What kind of dirty talk?” He asked.

“I guess mostly derogatory names, like 'slut’, 'bitch’ 'whore’. Stuff like that.” I said watching Namjoon’s demeanor change completely.

Namjoon cleared his throat before speaking again. “So would you be turned off it I call you babygirl?” He asked.

“No, of course not. I like that a lot too. Just don’t call me princess. I hate that word the most.”

“Why not? Dont most girls like that?”

“I guess but not me. I’m definitely not a princess.”

“So you’re a slut, a whore and a bitch?” Namjoon teased.

“In the bedroom, yes I can definitely be all of the above. But I guess you’ll have to make that judgement on your own.”

“And you put down voyeurism. You want to get yourself off while I watch?”

“Yes.” I stated maybe way too eagerly. The growing desire in between my legs was way too much and crossing my legs was not enough anymore. So I decided not to cross them.

Namjoon moved closer to me on the sofa placing one hand dangerously high on my thigh. I looked up at him and he was looking down at me through hooded eyes.

“I have a feeling that you and I are going to have a lot of fun.” He said and our faces were nearly inches away from one another.

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