#wife is. and in some ways the world has only gotten uglier but she stayed beautiful.’

[x-ladydisdain-x]

Gerard really hit the mark writing the world is ugly. this song so perfectly captures what it’s like to hate the world but to be in love at the same time

[sasusc]

Yes, yes, yes! To all of this. Max and Lucy? They're cute together. There's potential. For Lucy, she saw a white knight show up and doing the right thing...something her new world is lacking. And Maximus? He's so badly want to be a hero...even doing non-heroic things in pursuit of that goal. Letting the knight die, taking his armor and thinking if he finishes the mission that the Brotherhood would let him stay a knight. And then there's a girl...and doesn't the hero save the girl? Does he really like Lucy, or just the idea of being a hero and saving the girl? Maybe both. Who wouldn't love Lucy?

But then we get to know the Ghoul--the Cooper Howard. Pre-war hero...had a loving family with a wife and a daughter. How can we resist the anti-hero with a traffic past? He had to do many things to survive 200+ years in a wasteland full of horrors and everyone out for themselves. He had to become the Ghoul. Cooper Howard reminds me of those old Hollywood actors...John Wayne, Roy Rogers, even Elvis Presley. Just not a singer actor...probably. Maybe? But he believed in good vs evil and good always win. He played hero characters and he wanted his characters and reputation be that All-American cowboy hero. He didn't want his character to kill, tried to get it changed. Then we learn that his beloved wife was involved with Vault-Tec and Vault-Tec had evil plans. And yes, Barb was trying to protect her family--if you can't destroy them, join them, right? But that went against every thing Cooper stood for. Somewhere along the way, he changed for the worst to survive. He lost a huge part of himself. And then here comes this innocent Vault dweller...raised up in the very institution he considers evil...the reason his happy marriage fell apart...somehow taken his daughter away from him. Maybe he wants to destroy the idea of Lucy and all her happy, let's-be-kind-to-each-other attitude.

And what I love about this ship is that possibility--that great story--of a love interest bringing back that once happy, heroic side of a person. He will never be what he was--he done and did too many things that don't fit that mold. But he could become better than what he became.

Lucy Maclean? Her world is so much bigger and uglier than it was before. She's learned some harsh truths. She's forced to fight and defend herself--and that might compromise her morals. But she's finding her way, changing her POV. And yeah, there's this cute knight that comes along. He's different than her first taste of people living on the surface...he doesn't try to kill her like her husband, Monty. He's like this shining lightness in this new dark world. But spoilers, he's not who he says he is--he's trying to be that person but his morals are skewed. He's lied to her and he has to be talked into doing the right things. But there's also this Ghoul. He's not sugarcoating things for her. He's teaching her things. He's out for himself...but there's glimpses of something "not bad" underneath. Maybe I've already read too much fanfiction, and I definitely need to rewatch the show to catch all the little things I missed, but I think Lucy can see those glimpses. Yeah, he cut off her finger but only after she bit his off. And he sold her for medicine. He used her for gulper bait...but he didn't want her to die. He definitely panicked slightly when he couldn't pull her back up. He killed his friend while his friend was thinking happy thoughts. And now they are on a quest to find her dad...to find out about Cooper's family.

I don't know, but I find the storyline of a man redeeming himself--finding that lost bit of his soul he had to bury--with the help of a woman so much more compelling narrative. Combined that with a woman finding herself...changing, realizing the world can't just be black and white, and still keep the core of her personality from getting tainted with all the ugliness being thrown at her? Chef's kiss!

Oh, this got so much longer than I planned. And I might have gotten sidetracked along the way...but isn't that the Wasteland's Golden Rule: thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time.

Edit to add: the age gap debate shouldn't be a thing here. I'm in so many fandom and ships where this is a thing people use against my fave ships--even where the characters are of age...adults. I didn't think I would find that here! Lucy is clearly an adult! We don't even see her as a teenager growing up (a thing that's in a couple of my ships). As mentioned...Twilight anyone? No one had trouble in the beginning shipping a teenager with a 100+ year old vampire. I mean, now I have a few issues with Twilight but that's not what this is about. But Lucy is an adult...and always been an adult to us. I think she's old enough to make decisions

Dang it, I love this ship and I love the enemies to lovers trope. I get that a lot of people see them as a surrogate father and daughter relationship, but it feels like a been there/done that kinda thing.

As much as I love that trope, I'm also a little tired of it. There's only so much Last of Us style found family I take after seeing it for so many years.

The thing I love about VaultGhoul or Ghoulcy is the idea of Lucy breaking down of Cooper's walls while he helps build hers up.

Is he incredibly cruel to her and those around him in the first season? Yes, extremely

Does he need to chill out and find some of his humanity that's been buried under 200+ years of wasteland survival and bitterness? Yes

Who can bring that needed direction to his life while learning the ways of the new world she finds herself in? Lucy MacLean

I know that the canon ship of the show at this moment is Lucy and Maximus, and as much as I love him, I find the pairing obvious and kind of boring from a story telling perspective. I loved it on my first viewing, but upon re-watching the series, I wasn't as behind it as before. I see their relationship, kiss and all, as a kind of first fling for the both of them.

While it doesn't diminish the care they show one another, there's not a lot behind them as a couple. Now I know that some people might turn around to say how she and Cooper spent less time together than her and Max, but I guess the thing I look forward to is seeing what their relationship brings with the second season.

I feel like Max and Lucy will have a great friendship and I'm interested to see where the Brotherhood fits into their dynamic as well.

With Cooper though, I find his story so tragic, as it's supposed to be. He's your standard hardened survivor who only looks out for himself that's now stuck with the happy-go-lucky main character, however, she's not that character anymore by the end. She's still going to be the Lucy we love, but she's changed by the end. While not losing her compassion and some optimism, I think Cooper is going to bring out a harsher side to her as we saw when she bit off his finger.

I want to see her building up her walls and learning when to let them down. How to truly survive while still bringing her own energy to the wasteland and people around her. I want to see Cooper regaining some lost humanity while learning to truly care for another person again. To see the two of them as eventual equals in one another's eyes as they continue on their journey as reluctant allies.

I also want to say that I'm personally kind of tired of the 'age gap' argument. We have stories of teenagers falling in love with hundred year old vampires. So can we just drop the age gap thing?

As long as they're both consenting adults who understand what they're getting themselves into, who cares about an age gap.

Does it truly matter in the scheme of things when we're talking about a world with cryo-stasis and super mutants?

I personally don't think so.

I don't know if anyone will even bother reading this entire thing, and I know I went on a little long, but I wanted to write down my thoughts on the whole shipping situation with the Fallout TV show fandom at this moment.

I'm a VaultGhoul shipper and I can't wait to see where the second season takes our main trio of characters.

[unabashegirl]

Enticing (25)

Author’s note: LOTS OF DRAMAAAA. Hope you like it!

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They lay in the pure intimacy of their bedroom after their lovemaking session. He has just asked her to travel with him to a country that she has always dreamt of visiting. She is a bit surprised by his sudden proposal. He has gone on business trips alone before. So, what has changed?

“I don’t even own a passport.” David groans as he raises to his feet. He faces Y/N from the end of the bed before bending down and reaching down for his phone. He begins tapping on his phone, clearly texting someone else.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll fix that for you” David has enough connections to be able to get her a passport before they arrive back in the city. He is still pretty surprised that Y/N hasn’t had the opportunity to see the world. That single fact instantly makes the trip more important to him. He is going to be able to show her the world.

“What about Henry? Is he coming with us? Who is going to take care of him?” She sits up in bed and begins readjusting her top and tying the bottoms that David had undone.

“He is staying in New York. He is still too young. I’ll get a babysitter” Y/N perks up at the mention of the babysitter.

“He already has me, David. It’s my job to take care of him. That’s what you are paying me for” Y/N gets off the bed in search of a mirror to fix her crazy hair.

“That’s something I need to talk to you about” David has given it a lot of thought. Ever since he first asked her to be his. He doesn’t want her to work for him anymore. It all feels wrong. “Although we’ll talk about that when we get home” He dismisses, not sure how that particular conversation is going to go. He feels they should be in the privacy and coziness of the penthouse before he drops the bomb on her. “Henry is not coming babe”.

“But…”

“I just said no” His voice is rougher like the one she hears him use towards his employees. “Period. Henry is staying and that’s final” She bites her own tongue, stopping her own fingers from continuing to go through her hair. She can see him through the bathroom mirror. He is frowning as he finishes tying his swimming trunks.

“Fine” She snaps back as she tries her best not to feel offended by his sharp and demanding tone. “When are we leaving?” She exhales as she turns to face him, leaning against the bathroom counter. David’s frown softens and his demeanor instantly changes. The dark cloud over his head seems to evaporate in seconds.

“A week from today” He hates using that tone on her, but his temper runs short when people defied him. He still feels shitty because he knows that she only meant well. “Come here” David reaches out. She cautiously walks up to him. His hands make their way around her waist before nudging the side of her head with his forehead. He puckers his lips asking for a kiss. She can’t stop a smile from spreading at his soft gesture. She gently gives him a chaste kiss. “Let’s go upstairs. My mom is probably waiting for us”.

The rest of Dobrik’s clan is waiting for them. The food has been served on the big table on the sun deck. All types of meat including lamb and a bunch of sides have been placed on the table. Y/N grips his hand tightly as they approach the table, she can’t help feeling like everyone knows what they were doing.

“There you are! I almost went looking for you” Mrs. Dobrik calls out, “Please sit and enjoy” David pulls Y/N’s seat out for her before sitting beside her. They quietly start serving themselves meanwhile Y/N tries to ignore Mr. Dobrik’s hard stare.

“Is there something you would like to share, father?” His stare certainly doesn’t go unnoticed by his oldest. Mr. Dobrik looks over at David with pursing lips.

“I don’t think it’s a dining table conversation son. It’s best if we leave it for later” David raises an eyebrow at him as he tries to figure out what he is referring to.

“Then I suggest you stop starring at my girlfriend and making her uncomfortable” Y/N’s eyes widen as she turns to look at David, wanting to smack him for his bluntness. If she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, she certainly is now. The entire table is completely quiet. It is a staring contest between the men of the family aside from Nathaniel, who seems too invested in his food to participate.

“Forgive me, Y/N. I didn’t mean to be rude” Mr. Dobrik tears his eyes away from his son’s that look so much like his mother’s. He is apologizing, but Y/N could see that he didn’t mean a single word.

“There is no need, Mr. Dobrik. It’s no big deal” Y/N fakes smile at him before staring down to her food. Mrs.Dobrik exhales loudly as she tries her best to thinking of something quickly to break the awkward tension.

“Snorkeling or tubbing next, Y/N?” It is Allison who finally interjects as she reaches out for the giant bowl of cold pasta salad.

“Tubbing? On what?” Y/N giggles; thankful to have Allison around.

“On a hot dog or burger. It’s your choice” David’s younger sister knew how uncomfortable her brother and father can make guests feel. Allison is reliving the same situation that she endured when she had brought Nate home. Her father had treated him like shit. It wasn't until Allison put her foot down and David almost threw himself on his father that he stopped his snarling and condescending comments towards Nate. Either way, he still treated him unkindly at times.

Allison knows that it’s worthless to stay mad at her father. He has always been this way. They have all tried to change him, but they haven’t had much success. Allison just doesn’t understand why her mother never says anything and allows their father to walk all over them.

“Hot dog sounds fun” Y/N smiles as she looks back down at her food. The altercation had honestly ruined her appetite.  David seems to have no problem eating. He looks unbothered by it, but in reality, he is fuming from inside. He is beyond pissed. He just can’t wait until everyone leaves and he can have a moment alone with his father. Mr. Dobrik was going to get a piece of his mind whether he likes it or not.

Allison and Nate are the first to excuse themselves after coffee and dessert. Mrs. Dobrik rises to her feet and looks over at Y/N who seems uncomfortable.

“Let’s go honey” She stretches out her hand for take. Just as Y/N pushes her seat away from the table, Mr. Dobrik’s hand smacks against the table. All the plates, silverware, and porcelain shake; startling the women.

“You leave,” Mr. Dobrik says as he looks at his wife. “This has nothing to do with you”.

“Excuse me?” Mrs. Dobrik asks back with her hands on her hips.

“I told you to leave. Don’t make me ask you again because it won’t be nice” He snaps at her, causing her for her demeanor to instantly changed. That tone is too familiar to her and hearing it only brings dark memories. Horrible memories enough to make her feel scared and bite down her tongue. 

“Do not talk to my mother like that” It’s David’s turn to snap at him. He can’t sit back and watch how his father verbally abuses his mother. He might not be hitting her, but he knows that his words have the same effect. His words sometimes hurt her more than his fists.

“She is my wife! I can talk to her however I please!” Mr. Dobrik responds. Not fone bit aced by his son's harsh tone.

“Honey, just listen to your father. I am fine” She feels like a fool for believing her husband's promise. He had promised her that he wouldn’t cause a conflict.

“Go with my mom, babe” David can change the tone of his voice for her as he sees his girlfriend’s concern expression. Y/N quickly stands up to comply with his demand. 

“NO! This is concerns her therefore she should be here” Mr. Dobrik exclaims making both women shake. Y/N stops moving as Mrs.Dobrik continues walking out and gives her a reassuring nod.

“I just told you to leave, Y/N” David’s protecting side arising. He doesn’t want her around just in case it gets uglier.

“It’s okay” Y/N knows that his father won’t back out and whatever he has to say she can take it. She isn’t going to hide behind David. She is a strong, independent woman that could take the ignorant opinions of an abusing man, especially with her boyfriend by her side —at least that what she thinks. David purses his lips and looks back at his father.

“It’s funny how your girlfriend has more balls than you, David” Mr.Dobrik sarcastically chuckles as he looks over at Y/N. “I am surprised, Ms. Y/L/N. I didn’t think you had it in you”.

“You don’t know many things about me, Mr. Dobrik. You would be astounded to know that I am not like other women” She snaps back as tries her best not to feel intimidated.

“That is certainly true. I was surprised to find out that you aren’t who you say you are, Ms. Y/LN. Did you know that, son?” He asks as he looks over at his oldest. “You have no idea who you are sleeping with”.  David chuckles but continues to listen to his preposterous statements. “Is Y/N even your real name?”. 

“It is Mr. Dobrik and I’ve been nothing, but honest with your son. Therefore, I would love to hear an apology coming from you” She kindly smiles at him. 

“She is a fucking nanny, David!” He snaps, Y/N calm demeanor is easily getting under his skin. “She doesn’t work for Alessandro. Is all bullshit. “She is probably some gold digger” He looks at her with disgust. 

That was enough for David.  

“Don’t you fucking dare to talk about her like that” Mr. Dobrik smirks pleased with the reaction has he has just gotten out of him. “I am well aware that she is a nanny, father” David chuckles as he crosses his fingers with one another, entertained by the show that his father has just put on.

“She doesn’t even come from a proper family. How do you think that the media will react when they find out that she is nothing, but your son's nanny?!” He spats. 

“I took her to the gala, father. They already know. We were seen by hundredths and a bunch of pictures where taken of us” David rolls his eyes before rising to his feet. “Instead of making a big altercation of this, you could have just asked me about it and I would’ve told you. I am not hiding her”. David takes Y/N hand, ready to leave. 

“Her father is dead, David.  God only knows who and where her mother is!” Mr.Dobrik says just before they can leave the room. The small comment is enough for Y/N to let David’s hand go and turn back.

“You have no right to talk about my father, Mr.Dobrik. Let alone about my mother or anything that concerns my family. You might have all the money that anyone could dream of, but not everything can be resolved with money. You are an abuser and at least my father never touched or thought about hurting any of us. Instead of continuing to mistreat your family maybe you could thank them for all the abuse that they’ve had to endure. You should also worship the ground that Mrs. Dobrik walks on because she deserves an award for keeping up with your horrific personality and cruel attitude”  His snarly comment about her father had been enough to set her up in flames. No one would ever mess up his memory especially when she was around. She loves her father and all she has left of him is the fun-loving memories of him and she isn’t going to allow anyone to change that.

TAGS: @getmepizzza​, @yourwonderbelle​, @nohalohoseok​, @lavendercuddles​, @2007rh​, @jeezkiddo​, @beeechhh​, @duh-dobrik​, @kllycole​, @meanlopz817​, @snazzydobrik​, @frickin-bats​, @wonderlandlovelove​, @millie-753​, @cubanidiot​, @itsdaviddobrik​, @justlikehufflepuff​, @clarissahunter​, @saltysebastianstan​, @galaxy-moon​, @alyssajunell​, @crowdedimagines​, @pineappledobrik​, @roxyedobrik​, @owenniasstars​, @didyouheartherain​, @marvelgirl2118​, @daviddobrikssflamethrower​, @kennedyf16​, @meleniearaujo9​

[ciceroprofacto]

The Break-up Period

January 1780- September 1780

I’m working on my personal analysis between Hamilton’s letters to Betsey in 1780 and his letters to John, trying to get an idea of how these relationships were very different. For now, I’m focusing on summarizing their letters. I’ll eventually make separate posts to discuss the timeline of events surrounding them, then some further discussion of context. Of course, the first qualifying feature of comparison is that- Hamilton couldn’t openly say anything that might incriminate himself or Laurens in case their letters were intercepted. He could say pretty much anything he wanted to about his feelings for Betsey. So, while John’s letters need to be read for implications, we should expect Betsey’s letters to be straightforward. To judge how credible Hamilton is as he writes, a major consideration is his differing levels of respect for the mental and professional capacity of his correspondent based around his preexisting prejudices. Given his period-typical views of the female mind, we should assume he won’t expect John to be as impressed with excessive romanticism as he’ll think it’s charming to Betsey. We should assume that he knows John will be focused on military affairs and that he wouldn’t expect Betsey to have as much knowledge or interest in those matters as someone who’s living through them.

I call 1780 the ‘break-up period’ because it begins with what I speculate was a ball that John encouraged Alex to go to, continues with Alex being denied leave to follow John south where the action of the war was shifting, a letter expressing one of the darkest moods he had entered which alludes to leaving America or dying, Alex soon thereafter becoming romantically involved with Betsey and lavishing her with the same language that he used when courting Kitty Livingston, a markedly long silence in his letters with John, failed attempts to visit John in Philadelphia, a possible rekindling of John’s friendship with Francis Kinloch, and a series of idyllic and florid letters from Hamilton to Betsey becoming gradually more genuine, and culminating in their marriage.

Academics have always thrown his relationship with Betsey into question, and I’m hesitant to accept Alexander as a fully credible writer when his letters between different correspondents around the same time period have very different tones. It’s a mark that he was human with a range of emotions, and was effected by day-to-day events that are difficult to place together for a full picture of a person or a relationship.

But, by overall impressions- I have a running theory that the winter of 1780 saw some sort of emotional distancing on John’s part that led Alex to finding love elsewhere. I believe that distancing included encouragement for Alex to find a wife, and whatever it was, it was definitive enough for Alex to treat it as at least a temporary end to their romantic relationship but not an end to their friendship. Yes, that implies Eliza was, at least at first, a rebound, and not Alexander cheating on John as we’ve all liked to say. As the distance with John grew, his feelings for her are tempered (i.e. he calms his forced infatuation and recognizes her genuine value to him). In the start, he had symptoms of infatuation with her, and may have, out of loneliness and desperation, emphasized those feelings to impress her. Even after their relationship was true, I don’t believe he ever told her the uglier things about himself.

Chronologically:

Hamilton to Laurens 8 January 1780  Morristown, New Jersey. The first part of the letter written previous December in response to Laurens’ letter of the 18th while he was en route to Headquarters- then “was called off. Some ruffian hand has treated it in the manner you see”. He is grateful for John recommending him to be secretary to the minister in France, but “your partiality may have led you to overrate my qualifications that very partiality must endear you to me”. He agrees with John’s assessment that he deserves the post more than others but was unlikely to get it because he lacks the connections . He found and completed the letter in 1780 to say that he asked for leave to follow John south. Takes a very depressive tone “I am chagrined and unhappy but I submit. In short Laurens I am disgusted with every thing in this world but yourself and very few more honest fellows and I have no other wish than as soon as possible to make a brilliant exit. ’Tis a weakness; but I feel I am not fit for this terrestreal Country.” Founders online says he ‘incorrectly dated’ the letter, but he simply never changed the date when he sent it after Laurens had departed.

Hamilton to Kitty and Elizabeth January Morristown, New Jersey. Hamilton arranges for Tilghman to join him and Kitty Livingston and Elizabeth to drive the carriage since he’s not a good driver.

Laurens to Hamilton 24 February  John wrote two missing letters to Alex, the last dated 24 February. Alex mentions his ‘expectations’, so he likely gave an update about his proposal for the Black Battalion as well as information about the defense of Charles Town against Clinton.

Hamilton to Schuyler 17 March Amboy, New Jersey. Elizabeth is going on a trip into Philadelphia and Alex considers it a ‘tax on his love’ but wants her to see the city, “let me entreat you to endeavour not to stay there longer than the amusements of the place interest you, in complaisance to friends; for you must always remember your best friend is where I am”. He says they toast her and her sisters at their table- he normally toasts Peggy. He’s engaged in a prisoner exchange and doesn’t like the British officers he’s working with- he can’t keep up in drinking wine. He received a letter from Betsey with lots of sweet nothings and heard from Meade that she got his with basically the same. In his letters during the early months with her, he has a similar tone as those letters he wrote to Kitty Livinston in 1777. Very florid language- to the point of exaggeration for the sake of poeticism. It’s not necessarily true that the ball in January of this year was the first time he’d met her, only that these are the first letters they shared after opening their correspondence. It’s likely he’d known her for a few months at least and had only just gotten permission to open a correspondence with her (think the Patriot). The very point of such correspondences in courting was to flex rhetorical muscles and be florid and romantic with each other, so his wild love declarations should be viewed in that context. 

Hamilton to Laurens 30 March Morristown, New Jersey, Alex anticipates that CharlesTown will be vulnerable from sea. A further embarkation is en route from New York under Lord Rawdon with the Queens Rangers under Simcoe. He has advocated for sending reinforcements south, but the army overall is too weak to concentrate their force or transport part of it south.

Hamilton to Laurens 30 June Rampo, New Jersey, John had written to tell Alex that he was in Philadelphia on parole restricted to Pennsylvania. Between March and June, he hadn’t been able to write to him as frequently, but Hamilton had argued to exchange him but feels like his entreating was “byassed by my partiality for you”. He’s growing increasingly frustrated with the army’s inability to pin down the enemy in New Jersey and New York and with the states’ continued refusal to supply the army and their need for foreign support to pick up the slack. He tells John he’s anticipating an engagement, “I am on the point of becoming a benedict? I confess my sins. I am guilty. Next fall completes my doom.” He has an interesting use of the word liberty, which he will later use in a letter to John to describe setting up two men in camp, he says “I give up my liberty to Miss Schuyler”. He gives a temperate description of Elizabeth “a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes—is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy. And believe me, I am lover in earnest, though I do not speak of the perfections of my Mistress in the enthusiasm of Chivalry.” His use of the word mistress to describe Elizabeth implies maybe he still had feelings of stubborn commitment to John which he wants John to acknowledge. It’s debatable whether Hamilton tempered his description of Elizabeth so John wouldn't feel abandoned in the dark place he was already in (I doubt this interpretation because of the emphasis Alex already placed on describing himself as her lover) or whether he’d exaggerated his feelings with Eliza in the way of being romantic. Both of these interpretations are possible and may have occurred simultaneously as a part of what was really happening with his feelings.

Hamilton to Schuyler June- October Founders doesn’t date this letter, but in it Hamilton refers to his father as ‘our father’ and is therefore likely engaged when he wrote it. I would at least place it after the Laurens letter of June 30th and  that mentions he’s ‘on the point’ of becoming a benedict- therefore not yet one in reality. He mentions that he wrote to his father to tell him he was getting married to Elizabeth Schuyler and implore him to come to America after the war ended. He mentions that ‘a gentleman going to the island where his father is will in a few days afford me a safe opportunity to write again’. Figuring out who in Washington’s clout during those months was a trusted friend of Hamilton and making a trip to St. Kitts might give a better clue towards a more exact date- but I haven’t found such a character yet.

Hamilton to Schuyler 2-4 July From Preakness, New Jersey, Hamilton sends a poem that miscarried the last time he tried to send it. Elizabeth had written a poem of her own and he received it. He wants to hear when she arrives safe in Albany. Hamilton’s effusions of love are becoming more genuine and less florid and overly-poetic. “I love you more and more every hour.” He lists the traits of her mind and sentiments, goodness, tenderness, beauty, good sense, innocent simplicity and frankness which “place you in my estimation above all the rest of your sex.” He retains a high opinion of her by separating her as a special woman among other women, and because she possesses the traits that he wants including beauty, affectionate behavior, and innocence. He reminds her that he charged her to ‘cultivate her gifts’ and read in all her leisure time. “You excel most of your sex in all the amiable qualities; endeavour to excel them equally in the splendid ones.” As in future letters, Hamilton encourages Elizabeth to be well-written and informed. He mentions that he is trying to finagle Washington into letting him leave to see Laurens in Philadelphia and plans to have portraits done while he’s there since she requested one.

Hamilton to Schuyler 6 July From Bergen, New Jersey, Hamilton writes to soothe worries Elizabeth must have expressed about his safety. He tells her to look forward to their reunion and focus on that. He talks about her frequently with Meade and says she’s always on his mind, but this is also during the week that Washington’s staff was preparing for the arrival of the French fleet at Newport Rhode Island and Washington was drawing up a plan for the joint attack on New York City. In that week, Hamilton had, at the very least, taken the notes for a proposed conference in Connecticut, written to General Wayne to secure a position for a personal friend, and had some part in helping Washington develop that plan. His request to go see Laurens had presumably been denied, and he likely daydreamed about Elizabeth to relieve the stress and loneliness. She had been writing to him more frequently than John during this period. He updates her that her father who was sick in the previous letter is better now.

Hamilton to Laurens 19 July  Hamilton had written a letter in mid-july to commission a hat and Laurens would respond to the task with care while he was on parole in Philadelphia. If Hamilton made the request to go see John in person, this letter confirms that it was denied because he would not have have made the request if he had been allowed leave to go to Philadelphia. If letters exist between Laurens and Hamilton between Laurens’s businesslike response on July 30th and his letter on September 8th about anything other than the hat and military orders, they’re gone now.

Hamilton to Schuyler 20 July from Preakness, New Jersey, Hamilton complains that Elizabeth hasn’t written to him and he’s afraid she fell ill. He subtly guilt trips her throughout it while berating himself for feeling like she’s neglecting him. He complains that he’s immersed in business and finds time to write to her anyway because he’s always thinking of her (pounding that into her head is a theme in his letters).  He says he’s not complaining then says he’s tormented by the possibility she’s fallen out of love with him. He gives two sentences of military updates: the French fleet and army arrived at New Port and they’re expecting another division. He would’ve been heavily involved in Washington’s plans and interactions with them. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he became upset when Elizabeth seemed to be ignoring him after he had been taking solace in her letters during a time that she gave him more attention that John and his request to visit John had been denied.

Hamilton to Schuyler 31 July from Robinson’s Farm, New York. Alex redacts all his complaints about her neglect and his guilt-tripping and his self-pity because she sent him three letters to reassure him she loves him.

Hamilton to Schuyler August from Teaneck New Jersey, Alex is awaiting a letter from Elizabeth though he’s written to her twice and proposes they start numbering their letters to keep track of who’s writing more. He tells her that Meade is asking his wife if she minds if he leaves the war and if she doesn’t, he plans to retire after this campaign. Alex tells Elizabeth to dissuade him from it if he ever starts talking like that, but he would conform to her wishes whatever she wanted, so she has to decide whether to be a Roman or American wife.  He likens Elizabeth to Portia. In Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar which both Alexander and Elizabeth would’ve been familiar with, Portia was the wife of Brutus and she demanded an active role in his politics because she was nobility and therefore better than the average, frivolous and uneducated woman. Considering how much of the flirtation that Alexander uses with Elizabeth includes calling her superior to other girls, she was likely responsive to those compliments. He expects the war will end that winter because England is in a bad situation to keep going with the war. He starts a teasing metaphor about America as a flirting girl eloping in contempt of her mother’s authority and expects that Eliza will defend her ‘giddy’ actions, but he will “one day cure you of these refractory notions about the right of resistance, (of which I foresee you will be apt to make a very dangerous application), and teach you the great advantage and absolute necessity of implicit obedience.” He then takes on a very serious tone, revealing his own fears that she hasn’t thought this through entirely and once they’re living in poverty will no longer want to be with him. He imagines that she has girlish and frivolous imaginings of what it will be like to live humbly with him, but he’s afraid she won’t love that reality. He tells her he couldn’t forbear it if she left him, and warns her not to make romantic visions of a simple life, taking on a practical but condescending tone as if she hasn’t considered these things.

Hamilton to Schuyler 8 August Dobbs Ferry, New York, Alex writes just to tell Elizabeth that she’s ‘bewitched’ him because she’s made him “disrelish every thing that used to please me”. He says he’s trying to detach himself because “I love you more than I ought”. He says a new mistress is the suggested cure but he’s not convinced it’s effective and he’s afraid it would only make him love her more. He chides her again for not writing enough “though I am immersed in public business and you have nothing to do but to think of me.” There’s a somewhat teasing and sarcastic tone, but he also seems genuinely frustrated that she’s always on his mind and treats his thoughts of her as a distraction.

Hamilton to Schuyler 31 August Teaneck, New Jersey, Elizabeth had written by her father to say she was expecting him to visit her before the end of the campaign and she’ll think he’s being unkind if he doesn’t come. He says he would gain more by going than she would and he has “greater interest in the visit than you can have”.  But, he can’t leave the army during the campaign ‘with decency or honor’. It would make him a hypocrite because “No person has been more severe than I have been in condemning other officers for deviating from it,” and he still agrees with those maxims.  The army is in suspense but he says ‘nothing new since my last’.

Hamilton to Schuyler 3 September from Liberty Pole, New Jersey, Philip Schuyler was with Washington’s staff and had planed to leave in the morning but a storm is shaking the house. Meade and the Marquis are propping up the house while Hamilton writes to Elizabeth. He replies to a song she wrote for him by critiquing the sentiments of it then saying “it is a presumptuous diffidence of your heart to propose the examination I did. But be assured My angel it is not a diffidence of my Betsey’s heart, but of a female heart, that dictated the questions.” and she either agrees with his sentiment against women so long as he excuses her from that list- or she tolerates that he does so. Her poem, in the way he describes it, sounds generally negative towards the female sex. Hamilton says, “We (men) are full of vices. They (women) are full of weaknesses; though I will not agree with the poet that they are, “Matter too soft, a lasting mark to bear. And best distinguished by black brown or fair.” (I’m guessing this has to do with hair color), Nor will I join in the exclamation of Adam against the Creators having formed woman, “a fair defect of nature.” Yet I have reason to think that these portraits are applicable to too many of the sex; and though I am satisfied, whenever I trust my senses and my judgment that you are one of the exceptions…” Hamilton then assures her that however he thinks of women- he thinks worse of men and she shouldn’t jump to defend female kind. He mentions that a dutch girl of fifteen has come to camp and she’s too innocent to realize when men are trying to take advantage of her- he says that Betsey “will say is a very favorable character”, but he finds her soulless. He then complains that he tells Elizabeth about all the women he meets but she doesn’t tell him about the ‘pretty fellows’ she sees and he suspects she’d “pretend there is none of them engages the least of your attention”. He says when Peggy comes home, he’ll get her to tell him about the boys Elizabeth flirts with. He closes by hinting that the Marquis de Fleury is interested in Peggy

Hamilton to Schuyler 6 September Bergen County, New Jersey, Hamilton complains that he hasn’t gotten a letter from her. He reports General Gates’s loss at Camden in South Carolina wherein Gates ran away from the fight. “He has confirmed in this instance the opinion I always had of him” essentially that he’s a coward. He believes that North Carolina and Virginia won’t fall to the British and whatever misfortunes they’ve suffered in the southern campaign will help them to change the system of how they’re fighting in the south (he’s been pushing Washington to place Greene in command).  After two paragraphs of current affairs, he asks her to pardon him for talking politics instead of his feelings for her. Romanticism is, after all, the purpose of their correspondence, and he seems to assume those subjects might bore her. He says “If America were lost we should be happy in some other clime more favourable to human rights. What think you of Geneva as a retreat? ’Tis a charming place; where nature and society are in their greatest perfection. I was once determined to let my existence and American liberty end together. My Betsey has given me a motive to outlive my pride, I had almost said my honor; but America must not be witness to my disgrace.” These lines are interesting because they reference the letter that Alexander had written to John, expressing his desire to leave the terrestrial country. It confirms that Alex was considering letting his existence end. It implies that Alexander had heard about Geneva, probably from John. It also implies that Alexander acknowledges that he was in a dark place when he met her and he allowed himself to use her as a means of finding comfort from that.

Laurens to Hamilton 8 September Laurens wrote something that Hamilton responded to. Letter is missing.

Hamilton to Laurens 12 September from New Bridge, New Jersey, Hamilton acknowledges that they’ve neglected their correspondence, but he complains that he’s written more than John has. He tells John that his suggestion for a trade for him and General Portail had been pushed to a general exchange and he doesn’t know when that will take place. He councils John to defer his plan to the “Next Campaign”, alluding that he’s either given up on John’s ideas for a black battalion or he’s given up on the idea of the war ending that winter- probably the latter. He predicts that, if the army in the south is able to act offensively, it will happen in favorable terms- he’s not wrong because in March the following year, Greene will have taken command and turned the army to face Cornwallis at Guilford Courthouse.  Hamilton is angry with John for having “taken the liberty to introduce two men in camp, and there’s an implication of those men being together intimately and Hamilton’s tone is teasingly offended with John for “taking such a liberty with me”, and says they’ll be grateful that he and John made their stay in Camp agreeable. My interpretation ties back to Alexander’s letter in which he admits that he gives up his liberty Miss Schuyler. If I follow the assumption that John encouraged Alex to find a wife, and that encouragement was the formal ‘end’ of their own intimacies together, John mentioning an instance wherein he’s setting up other men to have that liberty in camp, Alex is upset with him for giving other people what John’s sacrificed between them. He encourages John to play the philosopher by improving his mind while he’s a captive. He’s glad to hear that John’s exploring the caverns in the blue mountains in quest of knowledge. Hamilton writes that he had discussed the situation in the campaign and John had agreed with his assessment. Alex reports that the army is desperately undersupplied yet again and on the brink of revolt again. When he’s tried to appease people, he’s only made himself hated. He fears the army’s at risk of losing it’s virtue. He says “I am an unlucky honest man that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity.” He also says, “I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you and Meade.” He closes “My ravings are for your own bosom”

Hamilton to Laurens 16 September Bergen County, New Jersey, Hamilton was helping Washington prepare to meet with Comte de Rochambeau, Chevalier de Ternay, and other French officers to discuss the combined strategy for the French and American forces, still hoping to make an attack for New York.  He says “For your own sake,for my sake, for the public sake” he hopes Laurens will be exchanged soon so he can join them if they do carry an attack. He cautions John against taking suicidal action if he’s not exchanged in time- perhaps believing that, if they do make an attack, it will be a decisive one for New York and upon hearing that he missed the last major battle of the war, John would fall into a depressive mood. He tells John to write to him despite the fact that he has nothing of military importance to talk about. Similar to when he had told Elizabeth that her happiness is his own, he tells John that hearing about his “interests, pains, pleasures, sympathies,” he’d be flattering his own egotism. Then he says, in spite of his affection for Elizabeth, he still deeply cares about John. “your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now.” This line has several interpretations and they all might be partially true. It confirms that John became impatient for Alex to get married. Possibly after having to hear the way Alex talked about Eliza- either through letters from Alex that no longer exist in records or through mutual friends like Meade who might’ve complained about his gushing about her, he resigned himself to knowing that Alex did have feelings for her and hoped that matrimony would cure his poeticism about it- especially given the way Alex had spoken about matrimony in previous letters as ‘the greatest plague of all’. It’s also very possible that John’s initial encouragement for Alex to meet a girl and take a ‘mistress’ in the previous winter had been referred to as a ‘cure’ to their own devotion to each other. In either case- and if both are occurring simultaneously (which is what I suspect), Alex goes on that he will “restore the empire of Hymen and that Cupid is to be his prime Minister”. Because Hymen was the god of marriage and Cupid was the god of amorous love and sex, this line may imply that Hamilton had been refraining from sex while courting Elizabeth (which is very possible given her parentage, but with him calling himself a 'lover in earnest' when talking to John, unless he'd been making innuendo for John's sake, they'd probably done something before their marriage bed), but it may also make reference to his views of marriage as an institution in his own mind between his previous feelings about it and what he knows about John’s marriage. He goes on to invite John to transgress his parole, both a legal implication and a suggestive one, emphasized when he invites John to Albany to witness the final consummation. But, he warns John that his mistress loves him as a l’americaine not a la françoise, meaning that she wouldn’t be welcoming to him sexually.

The September 16th letter to John is where I mark the end of “The Break-up Period” because of the implied expectation that Alex seems to have that they will return to an intimate relationship as soon as they’re reunited despite his upcoming marriage.

Without a response from John to that letter, it’s hard to know how the invitation to transgress his boundaries was received, but if John’s initial concern about seeing Alex married was the sake of appearances, by this point it was well established that Alex was in love with Elizabeth and whatever suspicions he might have attracted as an adamant bachelor who expressed strong affections for Laurens would’ve been dispelled. Because Alexander was getting married, it would have made their own relationship safe again.

Shortly after this letter follows the treason of Arnold and the capture of Andre at West Point. Alexander breaks the pattern of writing more frequently to Eliza and writes several long, descriptive pamphlets to send to Laurens (making a copy for Eliza) about Andre and the whole affair.

In October, the gushiness of Alex’s letters is reinvigorated as his wedding approaches, and this period also coincides with the time that Alexander might have finally gotten his wish to visit Laurens in Philadelphia since they both had portraits done around the same time period. His tone is as though he’s nearly overwhelmed with how much love he has in his life during that month.