#why? idk im apparently very incredibly stupid

[soonhoonsol]

on today's episode of 'chey is so incredibly stupid', we have me apparently throwing away the lil battery holder in my svt lightstick 7 years ago when I put it in storage

edit: my friend has an extra holder!! LIFESAVER

[goremet-chef]

tw for death i just need to get these thoughts out of my head for now

so, my great grandma passed away the other day. i dont feel like i deserve any "sorry for yr loss" shit cuz like.. truth be told i didnt like her that much. she was an old conservative white woman, im sure you know what i mean by that. i used to have to leave the living room to go cry in the bathroom cuz ofthe shit she said about trans people

she didnt know i was trans so maybe if she did it wouldve been different, but regardless

shes dead now, and im just. really dissociated tbh. and a little sad. and a little angry

its just. i mean it sounds so stupid to say "oh death is traumatic for me" because death is traumatic for pretty much everyone i think? its scary. terrifying. and you can never outrun it, no matter what

i mentioned this in a different post, but my fear of death started INCREDIBLY early, like no kid should be scared thinking about that stuff but i was. and i asked her specifically after having a dream where she was like. brutally murdered, i asked her if she was going to die soon and she laughed a little and said no

i was only a little kid back then but it. i dont know how to describe this. knowing that the answer has changed is so... suffocating. death catches up with everyone and every time it proves that in my life i just get more and more stressed

and i mean, i cant lie. i know i didnt like her but i used to. i used to really love her, and i know she really loved me. i was her favorite, im pretty sure. this still hurts. i dont think i deserve any condolences or whatever cuz. i hadnt seen her for a whole year, up until recently. i purposefully stayed home and away instead of visiting cuz i just didnt like being around someone like her. that hasnt changed, but im still glad i got to see her one last time. i saw her apparently 2 days before she died, which is traumatic on its own

my brain has such a hard time processing the.. finality of it. she told me she liked my hair and how it was shorter and it felt good. when we left cuz her morphine was kicking in and she was out of it, i hugged her and told her i loved her, and she said she loved me too. her voice was quiet and whispery, honestly. weak, yknow how it is. she had lung cancer, idk why its always cancer

its scary to have my relatives slowly dropping dead one by one. like.. my family is getting smaller, isnt that terrifying? i dont know how to handle this. i know its a long ways away but my mind is just.. waiting with bated breath for when it takes my nana, and my grandma, and my mom, my siblings. etc

ive tried so hard to come to terms with this thing and it. its all for nothing because no matter how i look at it, no matter the optimism or the peace or WHATEVER, im still terrified of it. its natural, it happens to everyone, every single living thing on this planet will die eventually. its so scary, i dont want to die. i dont want the people i love to die, but its not like i get a say in it

now shes gone, the last moments i spent with her are like.. haunting my brain. and i feel GUILT, especially. i think i was valid in not wanting to see her for so long, i dont feel particularly guilty for that. but i feel guilty that even after all that time, she still loved me. i guess im glad she never knew how i really felt about her

whats even worse? the other day, im assuming the day she died, i overheard my mom talking to her on the phone

and it was like.. idk it made me sick? hearing my mom telling her in this like.. not nonchalant but. not how someone whos grandma is dying real time would sound id imagine. her telling her that shes gotta spread her wings, and go meet grandpa, and watch over us

i dont know if she was dead when my mom said it or not, or maybe she was fading then and there, but. it made me so sad. what if she could hear? i guess she probably wouldnt, the drugs made her very.. gone. but like. if she could, the last thing she wouldve heard was someone telling her shes going to die

how terrifying is that? im still stuck up on that. if i was dying would my mom say something like that to me? i dont wanna think about it

it makes me mad, though

i guess she died on call with my mom but. no one mentioned anything about it until today, and i had to go out of my way to literally ASK if she was dead

why do they keep doing this to me? i have a fucking right to know. they did it with artemis too. when my grandmas cat got put down cuz of her heart failure, NO ONE told me until a few days later when my sibling was like "did you hear about artemis?" and my heart sank cuz.. thats never a good thing to hear and they were like "yeah idk why nobody told you? but grandma put her down"

i still havent really processed her death, i fell back on escapism and dissociation, i dont know if im ready for that yet

why wouldnt you tell me? why dont i have the right to know? why dont they tell me anything anymore, my bedroom is right next to yours

its so frustrating. even if it hurts me, LET IT hurt me. let me grieve and mourn, its what im supposed to do. i cant tell if its a sheltering thing or if they genuinely just. feel like it doesnt matter to tell me or not. its so upsetting man

[mithliya]

i'm anon who sent ask about jesie randhawa - i think it's a cool chart on the population of singapore you posted, however i'm literally singaporean and have lived here my entire life and my family forever and sorry to say but much like with kaeyacvnts i think know more about my own country than someone not from here who can only use google to pull "facts" out… indian people are incredibly rare as in i've never seen seen or heard of one as they're such a tiny teeny population. the majority of singaporeans are of chinese race, this is a fact, come here and you will find almost everybody here does in fact speak mandarin sorry to disappoint you and your google search. and again… i've met this woman! she does have an english accent! she is from uk! she always goes to large singaporean feminist meetups and does nothing but shame us for not doing enough in uplifting transwomen, she does those stupid getting over your genital peference bullshit, and again sorry but she is in the wrong for being annoyed by singaporeans speaking our own language and demanding we speak english, if she wants to be here and falsely call herself a singaporean and be an online fraud who calls herself a singaporean feminism expert then she should learn basic mandarin and stop thinking we need to become a westernized nation since apparently we're all so uneducated and bigoted in her view. i won't lie i am very confused by your response being the way it was, and offended and offput by your dismissive tone. i was only just offering my own perspective as a singaporean on a tra using a non-singaporean woman that i've met in real life as proof of singaporean feminism being trans focused which it is not and never has been.

i know chinese singaporeans are the majority. i just pointed out that her being of indian ethnicity doesnt mean she cant possibly be singaporean nor does her not speaking chinese mean that. im sure you know that but those were your argument points & you can argue 10% of the population is very rare but it is significant enough (even tho yeah i get hardly ever coming across them, christians in bahrain are around a similar % and ive met like one in my life. when ur a tiny island u could miss 10% of the population from my experience too)

i never argued against chinese singaporeans being the majority. all i said was that there are singaporeans who are neither chinese nor speak mandarin, which youre saying right now. ive come across chinese singaporeans, indian singaporeans, and 1 malay singaporean before so i just found ur claim that someone having an indian last name means its obvious they cant be singaporean odd esp when ur now saying what i was saying while also getting mad at me for simply pointing out exactly what ur saying now…

i did see she studied in the UK tho but not where she was born. i dont know if shes british i just saw a woman with a near identical name who is british. sorry i found it hard to trust what u were saying after u started with “well look at this indian last name and not speaking mandarin! she cant be singaporean!”. i agreed with you on her politics being seemingly questionable, all i disagreed with was the assertion that not chinese singaporean = not singaporean. i know you know thats not the case either, majority doesnt mean everyone in the country, so idk why ur mad at me for pointing that out.

my tone was pretty neutral before too.

[louscartridge]

okay but I NEEED a Mandy Milkivich fic, maybe a little mutual pining but both of them are in denial so they just think they bsf’s and everything they do is normal to them lolol. Also she most definitely does listen to kittie and I personally think she listens to jack off jill too.

-🌞(idk if this is taken yet lol)

a/n- theres no smut in this btw ive just seen ppl being based for a small cw and i dont feel like needing to block someone bc i didnt put a cw for like fucking swearing. yes you can be 🌞 anon (i have an anon list so you can see what is and isnt taken.)

cw- mentions of drinking, mutual pinning, switch mandy/switch reader (?), mickey saying something ab killing someone, slight mention of smoking, both reader and mandy being stupid, bsf's to lovers ig, gallavich is here too bc i said so, sweariing, mention of ass slapping, mention of boob grabing (consentual), kissing idk man im pretty sure thats evreything.

“mandy!” you laughed, the both of you rolling all over the bed.

mandy stopped moving and so did you. she grabbed your wrists and pushed them against her mattress straddling you. “y/n!” she looked at you mocking back.

“get off me!” 

“noo!” 

taking your leg you wrap it around hers causing her to twist over. you slide your hands down her arms you now being the one on top. 

“oh come on, seriously?” she sighs a hint of frustration in it.

“yeah how do you like it?”

“just let me go.” she says shaking her head. “we could watch a movie.” she says but just above a whisper this time. 

you were about to tease her some more before you were interrupted  but a very familiar laugh.  

“oh ok now thats weird” mickey says slightly laughing pointing to you two, beer in his hand. 

“what are you talking about?” mandy says, you getting off of her.

“what do you mean what am i talking about? if i didnt come in here you guys were gonna fuck. no doubt.” 

“no we werent?” you unsurely respond.

“oh please, you were the one on top of her. you especially know it!” 

at this point the three of you were in the living room. mandy walks in the kitchen to also get a beer.

“hey mandy” ian says leaning on the counter making mandy slightly jump.

“jesus. hey ian”

“beer?” he responds handing her one.

“yeah give me one for y/n too”

“got it-” ian cuts himself off making himself yell over mickeys yelling. “mickey what are you on about?” ian exaggeratedly askes.

he quickly replies “do you think y/n and my sister have fucked each other?”

“hell yeah!” ian says scoffing.

mickey raisis his eyebrows moving his finger from you and mandy repeatedly.

“oh wait have they not?” ian suddenly says curiosity evident.

“apparently not”

“why do you two think we have? or will?” you say opening the beer mandy gave you.

“well for one the random ass boob grabs?” ian answers.

“or ass slaps.” mickey continues

“or sitting on each other to do the other makeup” ian gives another reason

“like you could easily do that without sitting on eacho thers fucking lap” mickey finishes.

they keep going one right after another.

“okay!” you and mandy both shout together.

“always saying shit in sync” 

you cut ian down. “ian! ok we get it. it might seem weird but were not like that. were just friends”

“yeah right. thats how me and ian started doing shit.”

you looked at mickey both grossed out and confused.

“sure we werent friends or doing any of the other weird shit, but the pinning! im talking about the pinning!” he conformed.

“holy shit whatever” mandy sighed going down the hallway back to her room.

“do you still wanna watch a movie?” you semi-shout following her to her room.

“netflix and chill” ian and mickey say tother.

“mandyy” you whine rolling on your side to look at her. 

the movie wasnt over yet but you felt like youve been laying there for years, the movie being incredibly boring.

“mhm?” she questions looking down at you.

“how much longer is left of this?” you ask motioning your head to the tv.

“uhg i know its so boring.” she agrees grabbing the remote beside her.

“oh my god” you groan throwing yourself back down on her bed.”thats way to long!”

mandy turns the movie off and looks at you.

“maybe ian and mickey were right.” she unexpectedly says making you shoot your head up.

“huh!?”

“i mean, ive had friends before. best friends too. not alot but ive had them. and ive never done any of the shit that i do with you with them.” she thinks

“dates?” you question kinda curious yourself.

“ive had fucks. but never actually officially dated someone. i dont think ive even done these things with fucks ethier.”

before ethier of you could think anything else you took your hand and held the side of her face. pulling her closer to you, you partly covor her lips with yours. she immediately understands and starts kissing back. unfortunaitley you have to eventually pull away for some air.

“ian!” you yell hopping off her bed.

“was mickey right?” ian responds watching as you joyfully walk out of her room.

“the only time he ever will be right!” you smile

“you wont be saying that when you ask me to help you kill someone.” 

you hear mandy come up behind you, the sound of a lighter being heard then a faint sizzle. “seriously mick?” 

“i knew it was way to quite for something to not be happening.”

i do not give permission for my fics to be posted claiming to be yours, translated, or posted on another platform without credit 

another a/n- yes you can be 🌞 anon (i have an anon list so you can see what is and isnt taken.)

[silversatoru]

megumi + gaslighting / iq reduction

pls mr fushiguro, undermine my intelligence every day, purposely keep me unstimulated until im ur dumb, dependent plaything ❤️

a present for you when you get off the plane <3 i took a slightly diff approach to this and i know ur degree is very much not related to science but science is all i know,, so idk,, pretend u were a bio major or something for the sake of this fic okay

megumi + gaslighting/iq reduction

tw: nsfw 18+, f!reader, college-student!reader x professor!megumi, dark content, gaslighting, heavy manipulation, iq reduction, dumbification, slight misogyny?

wc: 1.3k

you still remember the first day of mr. fushiguro’s class, and the way he seemed to pick on you of all people — the way he asked you to stay after class and immediately offered you a position on his team of research students. you remember questioning why he chose you instead of someone else, to which he affirmed that no one had quite the credentials that you did. and you were left wondering how he could possibly judge that on the very first day of classes.

you still remember the first time you showed up to the lab for said research group, the straps of your bag clutched nervously in your clammy palms. mr. fushiguro was a young but incredibly esteemed professor, and this was going to look great on your transcript, so you were nothing but a ball of excited jitters. and you were smart! you knew you’d be an excellent addiction to this team of students, and you were grateful for the opportunity.

or so you thought; but it quickly became apparent that you weren’t nearly as prepared as you thought you were. it seemed like everything you did was wrong — all of your experiment results were compromised, lacked accuracy, and were always rejected. it seemed like all the other students were excelling, and mr. fushiguro loved them — but he was always so frustrated with you.

if only you knew the frustration was a front. if only you realized that every experimental result you got was right, that every answer and every theory you came up with was painfully accurate. if only you knew that your struggles were entirely fabricated by mr. fushiguro and his ulterior motives.

eventually he made the recommendation that you do some remediation with him — a few one-on-one sessions to help sharpen your skills so you can contribute more to his research. so of course you said yes! because you wanted nothing more than to be helpful and you couldn’t understand what you were doing wrong.

so you attended the tutor sessions with your dark-haired professor; but they were less about learning and more about brutal criticism of your skills. mr. fushiguro berated and insulted your intelligence several times, making you falter at his words and wonder what you ever did to deserve to be involved in his research project in the first place.

“i just don’t think you’re cut out for this, ms. l/n”.

maybe you really weren’t cut out for this.

“your lack of skills has surprised me, i can’t say i’m not disappointed in your performance so far”.

you were disappointed in yourself too.

“you’ll have to put in a lot of extra work if you want to stay on the team”.

you’d do whatever it took.

you were always bright, always excelled in your science-related classes, so what was happening to you? why were you the weak link of his research group? why were you on the verge of failing his class? why was everything suddenly so hard?

you didn’t mean to break down in front of him, tears streaming down your cheeks as you choked back sobs and hid your face behind your hands. it’d been building up for a while now: your frustration, your sudden lack of self-confidence, your feelings of inadequacy; they were all overflowing. but mr. fushiguro showed you zero sympathy, staring down at you with icy eyes and not a shred of mercy. you were exactly where he wanted you, and he was about to seal the deal.

“i really expected more from you”

those were the words that broke you in half, your fear of failure becoming all to real in that moment. but his next words halted your tears and created a small shred of hope in your despair.

“but i do want to help you. my door is open to you anytime. i have practice questions and study methods that i’m happy to share with you”.

and so here you were, anxiously sitting at his kitchen table trying to solve a few problems that he’d given you to practice. but you couldn’t seem to figure them out no matter how hard you tried — brain frying as you tried and failed over and over.

but it was all exactly as it was supposed to be — the problems were never solvable in the first place — there were no right answers — they were simply meant to melt your little brain.

you came back to his house time and time again, and each study session was worse than the last. you were never able to figure anything out on your own, you always needed his help, you couldn’t do anything without him.

it was no shocker when you began to admire him, depend on him, feel like you couldn’t do any schoolwork on your own. his months of manipulation were finally paying off, you were finally a dumb little thing who had no self confidence and who was constantly begging for his help. and he was happy to provide that for you, but you were going to have to start making it worth his time — his expert help doesn’t come for free.

you’re not sure what possessed you to agree, to have his cock lodged in the back of your throat while he groaned and leaned back in his seat — but you needed his help, this was just a small price to pay. you’d bob your head and choke on his tip as it pressed into your esophagus as if your future depended on it, because at this point, it kind of did.

but the prices kept getting steeper; eventually a quick blow wasn’t enough to appease mr. fushiguro. he wanted more. if you wanted to keep his help you needed to be face down and bent over his kitchen table — and so that’s exactly what you did.

brain foggy and knees aching your sweaty fingers grasped at the smooth table top as he took you from behind. his strained cock dragged against your sopping walls, your ass nearly bruising from how hard he was fucking himself into you. whimpers and moans overflowed from your lips as your bare tits pressed into empty worksheets — the two of you had completely glossed over the “studying” portion of your night tonight, skipping right to your payment.

you could barely even think straight, your head spinning with endorphins as you cried out in response to the tip of his cock kissing against your cervix. his fingers dug into the sides of your hips, pressing little red circles into your skin from how hard he grasped at you. your were shaking, your entire body pulsing with bliss each time he thrusted up into your cunt.

he was so happy with himself, balls deep inside one of the smartest students who had ever graced his classroom. he’d taken a girl with so much potential it was sickening, and convinced her that she was worthless, reduced her to a less than average student who was desperate enough to take her professor’s cock in exchange for better grades. you were pathetic, embarrassing even, laying here on your stomach and babbling complete nonsense while he filled you up.

all it took was patience and a sprinkle of manipulation to get you like this. to make you a dumb little fuck toy who came to his house several times a week under the guise of getting help with class work.

and he’d keep this up until you could barely even think for yourself — reducing you to a brainless little pet who deserves to be stuffed with cum and nothing else.

you didn’t belong in STEM, you didn’t belong in a university in general — you belonged right here on his kitchen table, your face sitting in a puddle of your own drool.

you were stupid, or at least he convinced you that you were so much so that you actually became it.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

[wizkiddx]

heyheyhey idk if u do req but love your dad tom stuff! PLZ PLZ do tom helping his kids with homework but cant do it and reader has to help and its all fluffy 😩💕

ye im down to do req and this had me going completely ott cos its v cute (and a lot less angsty than what ive written recently aha) so apologies for my ramblings:

Summary: tom has the kids for a day and maths homework throws a spanner in the works - tomhollandxreader

implied smut + v slight reference to porn but basically just fluff I promise xox

\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////

Tom had dealt with a lot of whining today. Nova and Leo were the absolute joys of his life, there was no doubt about it. Of course, he also loved you a hell of a lot too - sometimes to his detriment though, hence the position he was in now. 

You’d had a busy week at work and he had been away for the first half of it - leaving you as an almost single mother to a 5 and a 7 year old. So completely fairly, you’d asked if he wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a the day on Sunday, allowing you to go to a friends baby shower. There was no answer but to agree, Tom loved quality time with the kids and he wanted you to kick back and relax with you friends too. 

However the afternoon had not been nearly as idealistic as it were supposed to be in his head. You had left him only one real job (apart from the unavoidable essentials of keeping the kids alive with food and water, something you’d hope he need not be reminded about now). Really it shouldn’t of been that hard, it was just each kid had two pieces of homework. After convincing and cajoling the kids into sitting at the table which he’d already set up with Nova’s ‘Liverpool FC’ and Leo’s ‘captain marvels’ pencil case, the English was easy. 

In fact 5 year old Leo took great joy out of writing a poem with his Dad, which basically involved trying to rhyme any word with another - especially when he tried to convince Tom that all his completely fictitious words were real and worked together. A personal favourite had been ‘snakes’ and ‘palakes’ which Leo was convinced meant pancakes - arguing so vehemently Tom almost started to doubt himself on basic English. 

Thankfully though his eldest and most sensibly child eventually took him out his misery. If anyone had any control over the Holland boys, Leo and Tom - it was the Holland girls. You and Nova had both boys completely under you spell, often taking advantage of the fact too. It was only when Nova got bored of hearing Tom and Leo mock arguing, interspersed with the little boys giggles that Tom tried his absolute hardest to keep a straight face at, that she swooped in.

“Stop being silly Leo, mummy told you he’s not good at school!” She looked oh so innocent, eyes immediately flicking down to continue the little short story she was happily going on with. In response  Tom scowled, knowing your highly curious and intelligent daughter had asked you (for one reason or another) why he was not so academic. Yet instead of Leo bursting out laughing, instead he just nodded and accepted it too - making Tom scowl even more. Not even Leo thought it was a joke. 

So apart from his children apparently taking pity on his simple mind, it was all going smoothly. Perhaps, due to the thankful fact your children had inherited their brains from their mother - something Tom was forever thankful for, until he was shamed for his substandard intellect in the family. Then again though, he was Spiderman. So take that. 

Until Nova brought out her maths sheet. Then the afternoon quickly descended into chaos. It was fractions, something she hadn’t quite grasped from school yet - a concept that still hurt her head somewhat. Normally though it’d be fine, she’d bring the sheet to you and the two of you used ‘ girl power’ to figure it out… you prior experience as a tutor while in uni helping you know how to break through to her. 

Unfortunately Tom didn’t share this same experience. Nor did Tom share a maths qualification… something that had evaded him completely during his schooling career. Of course, it had never been a particular issue, acting didn’t require the use of maths and algebra and Tom was in a very lucky position of being able to pay someone to manage his finances from a very young age. So no, dividing 2/3 and 3/7 didn’t come the most naturally to him. Or at all to be quite honest. 

“I CANT DO IT AND GRACE IN MY CLASS COULD!” For context, Grace was one of her school friends, who forever liked to compare herself to the young Holland - especially because she was normally ahead. Nova had gone from quiet frustration, staring at the questions with her tongue sticking out slightly, to one of pure rage - yelling at her dad with tears in her eyes. Nova was normally incredibly intuitive, she always found it difficult when she couldn’t do something. Now, with a ‘teacher’ who was more useless than her - the frustrations inevitably bubbled over. 

“Hey, we can work it out, just calm-“

“YOU CANT DO IT EITHER YOUR STUPID “ She was just young and frustrated, Tom tried not to take it personally but … it wasn’t always easy. Chiefly because this was the height of offensive statement Nova knew - this was her version of adult explicit language. 

“Nova you can’t be rude.” He used his stern voice, something Tom very rarely used with his little girl. Though he never wanted to upset her, neither did he want her to think it was ever okay to be so rude to anyone like that- no matter how crappy at maths they were. It hurt him to do so but it was necessary - life lessons about the importance of being kind needed to be learnt. And it worked… if what Tom was aiming for was his beautiful baby girl’s eyes to brim with sparkling tears, her bottom lip quivering slightly. 

Instantly Tom’s eyebrows drooped, trying to fight his natural reaction to scoop her onto his knee and reassure her everything was okay. But as you had lectured him many a time before, he had to put his foot down once in a while. So instead, the father and daughter were locked in a silence and intense eye contact, until Nova hesitantly began to speak. 

“I’m sorry Daddy.” During which, Nova shoved her chair back, making it screech against the tiled floors uglily before running off up the stairs. Tom knew she was crying a lot. Knew this was going to take a bit of fixing. 

With a sigh of his daughters name, Tom popped his head into the living to check on Leo who had already finished all his stuff. Seeing him completely zombified in front of ‘paw patrol’ on TV, Tom trudged up the stairs. He knew where she was, when Nova was upset she always hid in the corner of her wardrobe and cried in the darkness. So after steadying himself with a little internal monologue of how to approach the situation Tom walked in and sat down beside the wardrobe - knocking on the door slightly. 

“Nova… can we talk please?” All he heard was sniffing echoing from the wooden chamber until she tried to shout through the door.

“Go-go… go away daddy.” It broke his heart, the way her voice wavered, making Tom pout - gently letting his head fall against the wardrobe doors. 

“I don’t want you to be upset beautiful…. And you did apologise which I appreciate. You know why Daddy got angry right?” Her sniffles heightened before she muttered a quiet ‘yes’. “And you are sorry? Because that might’ve made me really sad too.”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that’s good and we don’t need to cry. You want a cuddle little one?” Before Tom could even properly get up the door was being pushed open by her little hands, revealing a tear stained face and big glassy eyes looking up at her Dad. Swiftly Tom scooped her up and out of the cupboard, whispering to her while she buried her face in his chest. 

“Oh come here my little bean.”

//////////////////////

When you came home late that evening, only mildly exhausted from spending the whole day gossiping with your girls, it was weirdly quiet. All the lights were out in the front room, which made you close the door gently, thinking Tom had managed to exhaust the kids - and himself in the process. With a relieved sigh at the peace you pattered into the kitchen to get yourself a drink (it had been a little concern that Tom would’ve worked the kids into a hyperactive and delerious state that kept them up long past bedtime - which ultimately you’d have to deal with). The house was remarkably silent and though it was clear from the littered toys everywhere that it had indeed been Tom alone in charge, everything seemed pretty okay. 

It was only as you were about to head upstairs to join your hubby in bed that you realised the study light was still on, streaming through the small crack in the doorframe. Assuming Tom had just neglected to turn it off, in otherwords Tom being Tom, you nudged it open with your hand. Surprisingly though, there was your husband, hunched over the desk, looking almost angrily focused - between the computer screen and a piece of paper below him. Normally you would’ve just assumed it was another script sent over or an edit Harry had sent of another screenplay they were writing together. 

But no, the blatant red flag was the screen that you could see. A screen on YouTube, of a man pointing at a whiteboard of fractions. 

So with a soft wrist you wrapped your knuckled on the side of the door, even if you had technically already entered the room. The reaction had you stifling a laugh, it was as if you’d caught him watching something *less PG* the way he jumped out his seat, closing the browser immediately. 

“Love!! I -er … didn’t know you’d got back?”

“I just did.” You smiled gently, while walking into stand behind his chair, wrapping your arms round his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Soooo…. what’ca doingggg” The glee in your voice was evident, making Tom groan and shut his eyes. 

“I hate you, you know that right?” 

“No you don’t… but you were watching a primary school video on fractions, if I’m not so mistaken?” He sighed deeply, making a point of turning the paper with his scribbles over to obscure it. 

“Nova’s homework.. she couldn’t do it and neither could I, so then she basically screamed at me for being thick and udseless and then had a breakdown.” 

Now you felt guilty. This was a bit of a sore spot with Tom, he always for some reason felt inferior because of his academic ability. Which was stupid- mainly because he was the most clever and talented man you’d ever met. Just…. Just not at fraction. 

“Oh T… you could’ve just left it for me to do with her, I don’t mind.”

“That’s not the point Y/n.” He snapped a little, shrugging your arms off him and spinning in the chair so he could face you. “She’s my daughter and I should be able to help her! It’s not like it’s that hard, it’s just I’m unbelievable thick.”

“Tom stop. Look - you can do this I assure you, it’s just been a long old time ‘kay? Your rusty and that’s only natural.”

“I really don’t think I could ev-“

“Can I teach you? It’s just the method and then I promise you’ll get it.”

It took a bit of persuasion but eventually Tom agreed, letting you pull the corner chair forward to beside his desk so you could demonstrate it to him. To be fair, he really could do it- just a bit of familiarising on the ‘stick-change-flip’ method. The way the lightbulb moment literally caused his face to light up; scurrying to do the question for himself, tongue sticking out in the process; then presenting it to you proudly - well it had you melting in your seat. 

“See! That took all of 5 minutes and you got it.” You elbowed  his side by leaning forward in the chair, which instead of letting go, Tom reached and caught, before pulling you up and round. You landed with you bum perched on the edge of the mahogany desk, Tom now stood up- his legs in-between your parted thighs - your feet hooking round the back of knees. 

“It’s all down to my incredibly talented teacher.”

“No…. No I really don’t think it is” You mused with a soft voice, fingers instinctively going to the nape of his neck - twirling the little curls round your fingertips. 

“Well even so… I think I could teach you a thing or two too.” Never one to mull on anything, Tom’s tone had immediately switched to something a lot more… mischievous. 

“Not even going to ask about my day? Wheres the chat mr smooth?” He had to repress the grin at your smirk because as much as you infuriated the hell out of him - you also had this weird ability of making him feel so entranced and helpless. He relented with a sarcastic chime.

“Fine, how was your day love.”

“Good…. but I have a feeling you’re about to make it a whole lot better.”

That was all the signals he needed to lean forward, in doing so forcing you back until your back landed completely on the cool wood. His lips feathered yours, both hands pinned either side of your head.

“Oh darling… you have no idea.”

[scalproie]

dee em cee 5 anon here for my final report... i did it, i finished story! vergil is a bastard gold orb stealer and i feel like hes mocking me every time hes casually strolling around like he knows im toast as soon as he uses sdt. i almost cried when nero called kyrie im just,,, i care him so much. very rude and uncalled for to instantly take his newfound family away from him tho. i also have some emotions about how strong and persistent v was thru this entire thing. and the parallel of nero hating himself of not being strong enough to protect credo and vergil saying that thing about not being able to protect anything wo power that ive seen in gifsets and how despite that parallel they went completely different ways about it. (i only have impressions to base this on but thru this entire game nero felt like the most idk, 'human' character to me. like when everyone else is in full badass mode doing what needs to be done, nero is allowed to show his emotions even tho they arent always whats 'expected' of him.) and how nero physically helped v carry on when v couldnt do it by himself anymore and how incredibly important that makes nero. and- okay ill stop dumping every single thought i have here, also idk how postable this is w many spoilers...

LETS GO ANON GOOD JOB!!!!!

I hope you get to mess around with the technical aspect of the game now, if you want a challenge you can try the bloody palace

YESSSSSS NERO IS SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER I LOVE HIM!!! Emotionally I agree with you for the ending, but thinking back on it I also think its the best they couldve came up with because it closes enough doors but opens just as much. Like for exemple, theres the passing of the torch: after an entire game of Nero trying to prove to Dante (but mostly, to himself) that he isn't in fact, dead weight. Which Im willing to bet Dante only called him that because it was hard to focus on beating Vergil Urizen if he had to worry about Nero killing Vergil Urizen and Vergil Urizen killing Nero, its not that he doubted Nero, its just that he didnt want Nero to get involved because that would result in him killing his father, because "those of Sparda's blood are destined to fight" (which is a STUPID rule made up by Dante and Vergil. Well yeah maybe those of Sparda's blood do if the only ones in existance did nothing but fight. To kill each other. They didnt consider an alternative until a third player forcefully made them realize. And might I had, this is the only reason why Dante didnt tell Nero he was his uncle before). Anyway, even the meta kept implying that Nero was "lesser" than Dante: Dante is the "Legendary Devil Hunter" while Nero is just the "Devil Hunter". So Dante entrusting Nero with protecting the human world is like, what I believe the game was leading to.

Another exemple is the handling of Vergil: what satisfying ending do you give to a character that was both the problem and the solution? Urizen had to pay for what he did but after everything V went through, he absolutely deserves to live. So what do you do? You don't kill Vergil (Nero made a big point of that) but you also don't let him connect to his son, he has to go to a completely different realm to fix the mess hes made and get "stuck" there. BUT this time Dante come with him, and its also a good ending for Dante because after losing his brother a grand total of three time, this time he went with him, which Im pretty sure is something he beat himself up for not doing back in dmc3, and now the two are stuck in some sort of limbo in hell, fighting apparently forever, but its the one thing they love the most because the person theyre fighting is the only one capable of keeping up with them. Outside of Nero. And speaking of Nero, on top of Dante aknowledging his strength aka what he was basically after the whole game until the third act, and entrusting the human world to him, he is now the literal keepsake of his father's humanity (represented by the book, which he read at the end, so I take it as a hint of him wanting his father to be in his life in a way abd as a way to connect to him) as well as a promise to return, and even if we don't get another game, a promise of a future for this relationship. AND he gets to go home.

I have a lot to say on V as well, how do you develop a character thats too powerful to want or even need to change? You take the power from them and make then remember why they wanted that power in the first place: because of the fear of dying and for survival. And also make them witness the worst of who they are from an outside point of view.

Oh and yeah bro Nero and Vergil share some many similar lines, like, the one you speak about? "Might control everything. And without strength, you cannot protect anything, let alone yourself." ? Nero says some of this, almost word for word, unprompted, to no one, just before the artemis boss fight. Theres also any mention of the word "power", the "I can still fight." line, the "Where did you learn to [...]?!" line, some of the insults they say to demons, they even have both a line featuring marshmallows. Its so wonderfully unsubtle i love it so much. But even outside of lines they are very similar and I remember reading somewhere that Nero wouldve turned similar to Vergil if he didnt had the support of Kyrie et Credo.

And like you said yeah, out of the three people that have Sparda's blood, Nero is the most human one, genetically of course, he is 3/4 human after all, and he also have the most contact with other humans, but he also act much more genuinely and impulsively than either of the brothers. Hes also very nuanced as in, he is fundamentally a good person, but he also has an edge to him. I feel youve summed what is great and what I like about him pretty well.

Oh and btw did you see the animations in the garage menu? I think they shouldve unlocked once youre done with the story

[peachpitmp3]

bestie if there was a way to fight your sleep schedule i would do that for you >:(

oh wow yeah !!! lurking and typing in the chat is just. my entire vc experience shdklfjdsf. either that, or sitting entirely still and breathing as lightly as possible so i don't make any sound, but it still looks like i have my mic unmuted.

!!! right. "*waves goodbye like im some woman with a hat in the 1920's watching my lover leave on a boat* farewell jatp hyperfixation! may you return to me soon with many gifts including but not limited to a GODDAMN SEASON 2." FHSDKLFJLSDF I LOVE THAT. SO MUCH. that is exactly what i'm going to be thinking of if/when i ever change my pfp-

it's honestly a little scary how much some people write fhsdkljf. how??? so technically. i've published one (1) fic, for jatp. but unofficially, i have a bunch of google docs for a lot of different fandoms. i wrote stuff for jatp, tua, marvel, kotlc, and probably a lot more but i either forgot them or they're kind of embarrassing so <3 i swear though, i'm writing a marvel fic now-ish and i wILL FINISH THIS ONE. and i'm also planning a jatp x tsoa au, and then in general i'd just like to have more. substance fhsdkljf.

OH MY GOD !!!! DUDE DUDE DUDE. that sounds wonderful and the vibes !!!! incredible. "i'd definitely have a few bookshelves and i'd organize the books so they're not all vertical so they look *aesthetic* and then i'd put some lil fake plants everywhere and i'd put fairy lights EVERYWHERE" THIS!!! SO MUCH AESTHETIC. i love everything about your bedroom holy shit <3

i have never heard that motivational saying but good gOD that's stupid. jesus that's just ???? so stupid wtf.

YES YES YES YES YES !!! i love writing, i really do, and when you can just GO and write the hell out of something. even if you never publish it!! it's still just. so fun and cool.

hfsdljfskd that is certainly a list /lh. the only reason i can talk is that i never write tv shows down, i just forget them all *lip bite* (that was. something, and not a good something fjsd). !!!!! i've heard of all of those, except elementary, and they apparently are all very good! i'm going to write those down on one app and then forget where i put the list and. hence why i never watch anything lmao

i've been meaning to watch,,,, uhhhh. atypical, toh, criminal minds, finish b99. and a lot more i just can't remember them. are most of them just bc that's what my mutuals have watched? mAybe but so what- i swear i do have original ideas. sometimes. maybe.

oh damn,, idk. movies are really cool because there's more of a Vibe, and they're definitely easier for me to watch. and it's pretty incredible what people can fit into a one to two hour film. but tv shows are great for something more casual? and i feel like it's much easier to find a fandom for a show than a movie. idk. there's probably a limit, i'm just not sure what it is yet. something with over ten seasons would definitely be less appealing than something with 2 or 3. i'd say 40 min episodes, because it's easier to have a story with more time, and it hopefully wouldn't be rushed. and it feels more substantial? or less like "oh man i watched 30 episodes in one sitting jesus cHRIST".

i think a forest. the idea of being stranded in mountains feels a little scary ngl, and while there is a lot of shelter, that's also a lot of climbing. so maybe not best for survival, and i also don't know where to get food on a mountain. island sounds nice, but i think a forest would be cooler :)

if you could have any job, even if it isn't something that's an actual job (like tumblr blogger, etc) what would you choose? would YOU rather be stranded on an island, in a forest, or in the mountains? if you made a tone indicator that doesn't exist already, what would it be? do you have any pet peeves? - 🌵

hfsdfjsfl thanks you and me both bestie <3

oh my god no i do that too!! i dont want ppl to like. notice that im muted or anything so im just. silent like 'do not perceive me"

dude i've changed my pfp a bunch and it feels so weird like jatp i love you but- ????? sdfjejsdigisjkf

JATP TSOA ??? BESTIE YOU OWN MY HEART??? YOU WILL BREAK IT ???? you break jules heart?? you break it like the *shit whats a thing you break* mirror during an angsty movie scene??

thank you if only it could be a thing lmao <3

yeah it's real dumb. im very tired

yeah exactly!! like just the feelings of words pouring out of you so fast so fast is just amazing and so satisfying.

LIP BITE SDFGSGHSDLKJFSDKLFJSLDF PLEASE. ok no that's such a mood though, writing it down and then forgetting where you wrote it. literally i just remembered today i had a list of movies i've been meaning to watch. and then i found 3 separate notes because apparently i kept forgetting lol.

ahhhh omg cm!! criminal minds is pretty good and omg b99 my BELOVED!! can't really speak to the other ones but i've heard they're good so :D

yeah that definitely makes sense, tv shows are for sure more casual. in a weird way movies sometimes feel like more commitment? even though shows are technically longer lol. LMAO something over ten seasons... bestie do not watch criminal minds there are 15... yeah 40 minute episodes are great!!! i feel like also it really depends on the vibe of the show!! like if there was a 40 minute sitcom episode i don't think i'd be able to watch it.

oooooh omg forest yes that's so valid. a forest would definitely be cooler :D

i would choose to be an Emotional Support Jules™. my only purpose would literally just be to vibe around whoever hires me and give them hugs and positive energy. im portable and i can travel with them if they pay for my plane ticket :D batteries sold separately

huh idk being stranded anywhere is very scary but uhh. forest so maybe we could be in the same forest and we could find mushrooms together!!

ooooh a tone indicator that doesn't exist. hmmm. i don't know if this counts for tone but maybe just like /v and /a when venting about something, /v for just venting without wanting advice and /a for when you do want advice? just so people know how to respond.

dude i have so many pet peeves and uhhh. i forget every single one of them. im sorry bestie.

questions for you: what would your ideal job be, even if it's not an "official" job? would you rather have a mattress that is too hard or too soft? your thoughts on country music? do you enjoy icebreakers? if you didn't have to sleep, would you still choose to?

[odyssiaca]

i said i was gonna do it, so here i am! i am writing this on the fly, making it up as i go along so who knows how long it will be! who knows. 

i have finally played every route in fe3h, including the dlc- currently im making my way through the new game+ and screaming because this is my life now apparently. this isn’t really a deep and meaningful essay just... my experience playing the game and all the routes. 

( pls note i played on casual and normal for my original playthrough because i am a wimp. for ng+ im still playing casual but this time im playing on hard. )

this is the order in which i played the routes + dlc: verdant wind, azure moon, cindered shadows, silver snow and crimson flower. 

right! so!! let’s start!

White Clouds: the first twelve chapters are obviously pretty same-y, which is fine, except when you’re playing 4 times in a row. i liked the fact that the goddess tower was unique for every route and character you were trying to get s support with. there were some unique aspects to the different house, ie. judith, arundel, rodrigue, finding out about dimitri and edelgard. but other than that i did get pretty bored when it came around to doing it... again. and idk just, like i said the reveals obviously weren’t as shocking the 4 time around but like, they were still enjoyable, which is good at least!

Verdant Wind: this route is... eh. it’s the first one i did because dear god i am in love with claude. the route in and of itself is probably one of the weakest ngl. there were things that didn’t make sense in the context of the route and unlike azure moon and crimson flower it didn’t feel unique (given that this route and silver snow are.... IDENTICAL. except the final bosses) the final boss was dope and i am obsessed with God Shattering Star, but other than that? meh. i liked it at first because it was my first one and yknow, claude. but now it’s just idk, it’s lacking. and i’m gonna be honest: i don’t like most of the class. i like claude, hilda, marianne and lysithea. that is it. the others are just overbearing or kinda boring. lorenz i just, i can’t get over his design, i know he’s a deep character but i dislike most of his c supports, i hate his hair and the way he talks. ignatz and raphael are forgettable. i know they’re also very deep characters but their surface levels make me not want to go into their characters. and just. fuck leonie, i’m sorry i just cannot handle her. she’s overbearing, annoying, thinks that because jeralt trained her she’s better than everyone??? GOD. her supports with hilda are cute, and i like her post-timeskip design but otherwise she’s one of my least favourite characters in the game. im sorry. (edit: okay im revising this because it was late at night and perhaps i was a bit harsh. i dont actually mind the characters i mentioned that much, in fact they can be quite funny, however, i still prefer characters from the other houses more.) so my verdict of this route is that i did enjoy it, i liked the cutscenes and the timeskip designs but it’s still only my second favourite. 8/10.

Azure Moon: look. i’m just saying, this route? is the best. hands down, it’s absolutely amazing. it has it’s flaws, and it’s very different from the other routes and is also very much the most fire emblem like route but that’s okay. this route is devastating, heartbreaking, really fucking sad. and that just draws me in. when i first did the route i was gonna marry mercedes because i am gay and love her but the character of dimitri is just so incredibly well done- before and after the timeskip. i like the fact that there’s essence behind his character, meaning. i actually found this route to be kinda hard in places (cornelia for example and also edelgard) and it’s also very unique. i like the way the two factions of faerghus and adrestia interact, and also the way the alliance is just dragged into it. ( claude doesn’t die which is good!!!!) in the other routes you only really see dimitri as this crazed character but in azure moon you find out WHY and yes, that is good. the characters are all very unique and i like them all they all have their own stories and characteristics that make them as unique at the route. the cutscenes and stills are, beautifully done and truly heartbreaking. and just. AH. i adore this route more than i have any right to, on the whole it’s my favourite. 10/10.

Cindered Shadows: this isn’t really a route, but that’s okay, im sure you guys don’t mind. i love the ashen wolves, they’re amazing. the story is... weak. because it doesn’t fit into the actual plot at all and that annoys me. aelfric is a character i dislike immensely but maybe that was the point? i find the explanations in the route to be its downfall, because it clashes with what we already know in the game. sitri is pretty and im glad we get a tiny bit more byleth and sitri backstory but otherwise the characters and abyss are it’s saving grace. 6/10.

Silver Snow: im gonna go ahead and say it: fuck this route. it’s verdant wind but with seteth instead of claude. it’s verdant wind but bad and boring. it’s dull and unnecessary. i had really high hopes for this route because it’s the church! i dont like the church but a route with them could be very interesting! it was not! it lacked personality, it lacked uniqueness. i don’t particularly like most of the characters and basically just used the students and fuuuuuck the final boss. the only reason i did this route was because i wanted to romance yuri but also edelgard.  2/10 would not play again.

Crimson Flower: ... ... ... WHERE ARE THE CUTSCENES!!!! where is the reunion scene between byleth and edelgard, why is it all stills!!!!!! WHY IS IT SHORTER THAN THE OTHERS!!!! WHY. the story in this route is actually very interesting, and well thought out. but the aforementioned points are what make me want to ram my head into a wall. idk why they thought to give silver snow cutscenes and not this route but it was stupid. i do like the way the portrayed the church and rhea though. as the villains they technically are. i like the characters a lot, they’re all great, and i love the angst!!! the way you get to choose if you want to spare or kill your children whom you love. ( i spared claude and lysithea because i am weak. ) but its just. the vibe of the route is ruined by the lack of cutscenes and thats dumb ik but it is what it is. and also it did NOT need to be shorter, there was no reason for it to be as short as it was. 5/10.

so in order we have: 

Azure Moon

Verdant Wind

Cindered Shadows

Crimson Flower

Silver Snow

i enjoyed the game a lot, the writing was beautiful and the characterization was also really good. but some of the characters and routes were just. weak. very very weak. 

idk what else to say so imma leave it here i guess!! pls feel free to debate with me, i’d like that a lot. 

[planetariumx]

A Stupid Love Story {Pt. 1/?}

Loki x reader (eventually)

Summary: After returning from a failed date, you find a certain god of mischief sitting on your couch. Oh and apparently he’s trying to play cupid. 

Warnings: um idk swearing? oops

A/N: so this is my first time posting my work on any form on social media so pls be kind (and also tips/constructive criticism would be much appreciated) idk if this is good, the idea is a little confusing but basically Loki is cupid (i know it sounds stupid im trying) anyway thanks for listening, enjoy my dudes

Masterlist

You were coming home from yet another failed date. You can’t even remember his name, he was only interested in talking about his ex and by the end of the night he was calling her to see if she was available. The asshole even made you pay for the meal, he said he was going to the bathroom and then just left. 

You were so tired of this dating thing, everyone you met was either too self absorbed or completely disinterested in you. Walking up three flights of stairs to get to your apartment, the elevator was still broken, you were so tired that you didn’t even notice that the door was already unlocked and slightly open. 

Walking into your living room, your heart stopped. There on your couch, flipping through one of your books, was an infuriatingly handsome man with long black hair and striking blue-green eyes that seemed to glow in the darkness of the room. 

Slowly backing up towards the door, you kept your eyes locked on the strange man on your couch. When you were almost at the door, a bright streak of green light shot past you and the door slammed shut. Understandably terrified, you tried to scream but no sound came out. By now, the strange man had stood up from the couch and was slowly stalking towards you. You tried to move but it felt like your feet were fused to the floor. When he was right in front of you, he finally spoke.

“You are home considerably later than I was led to believe. You are probably confused as to who I am and why I am in your home at this hour. I will try to explain to the best of my ability but I do not have time to help a mere mortal try to understand the complex details and reasons for my being here.”

Moderately offended at this statement, you glared at the man. He ignored you and continued with his speech.

“My name is Loki, Prince of Asgard, rightful heir to the throne of Jotunheim. I am here because I am in danger of losing my job due to your lack of success in the romance department. You may speak now”

You remained silent, utterly confused by this information. This has to be a joke right?

“Is this some kind of joke? Who put you up to this and how the hell did you get in my apartment?” You spoke sternly, poking a finger at his chest. 

The man Loki let out a long sigh before turning around to sit back down on the couch. 

“I will repeat myself only once so it would be in your best interest to pay attention, mortal.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“What? Mortal? You are a human are you not?”

“Well yes but I don’t go around calling people ‘mortal’, it’s kinda condescending and rude. Should I call you ‘weird man who showed up on my couch at nine o'clock at night?’”

Ignoring your comment, Loki continued.

“I am from Asgard, you have heard of that yes?”

“I’m not stupid. We learned about stuff like that in school, but it’s all a bunch of stories and myths. Now tell me who you really are or I’m calling the cops.”

“That would not be wise on your part, mortal.” You scowled at his continued use of the name. “As I was saying, I am from Asgard, it is very real despite what you may have previously believed. Many of Asgard’s people have duties to fulfill to help the humans of Midgard.” Seeing your confused look, he rephrased “Earth. I have been given the duty of helping mortals find a partner when they cannot do so on their own.”

“You don’t seem like the right person for the job, full offense intended.” You muttered the last part under your breath but he seems to have heard you anyway. 

“I have not always been burdened with this trivial job, I am capable of handling much more important matters but I suppose I am being punished for past mistakes.”

“What did you do?”

“Do you not recognize me? I was sure you were at least smart enough for that.”

Looking at him now you tried to find any connection in your brain that would tell you why he would assume that you knew who he was. And then it hit you. The attack on New York! How could you have forgotten about that? To be fair, you had been doing some traveling to get away from it all after a particularly nasty breakup at the time and there wasn’t much contact to the rest of the world in some of the places you visited. 

“I wasn’t in New York at the time, but yes I know who you are now” you said quietly. 

“Good. Now that the formalities are out of the way-”

“You didn’t ask me for my name”

“I already know your name mort-”

“Then how about you actually use it instead of calling me ‘mortal’ all the time!” You snapped

“We need to discuss business now. Odin will no doubt be very angry if I cannot complete my task so I am here to make sure that you don’t ruin it for me.”

“Hey it’s not my fault that I can’t find someone, maybe you need to try harder! Everyone I’ve been on a date with has been a complete asshole!” You shouted at him.

Loki just sighed, rubbing his temples. “I am not happy with the situation either but I would appreciate if you would be quieter, your voice is incredibly annoying and it is giving me a headache.”

“Well gee thanks! You really know how to make a girl feel special!” You said sarcastically.  “Look, I’m tired from yet another stupid date, thanks to you, so I’m going to bed. You can go back to whatever non existent magical space palace you came from because I’m sure this is just a weird hallucination that my sleep deprived brain came up with. You better not be here when I wake up.” And with that you kicked off your shoes and stomped down the hallway to your room, slamming the door behind you. You were too tired to even change your clothes, opting to just crawl into bed in the dress you wore on your date. The minute your head hit the pillow, you were out.

(that’s all for this part, I’ve got 2 more done and I’m just making some edits idk when I’ll post them. Keep in mind that I’m new to this so please forgive any mistakes. Likes and reblogs/comments are much appreciated! ♥️)

Part 2

[theskyexists]

she-ra season 3

i LOVE scorpia

this show has a bit of tonal issue in my opinion. they keep going back to a very teen-parent relationship between the trio and mum - when there’s a terrible war on.

people get killed but generally it really does just feel presented like a game or a fight about curfew and sometimes thats a bit jarring. (or is it strange to expect the graveness of situations to bring out a quality of sincerity even during puberty?)

i don’t really understand why Adora would jump to the conclusion that Shadoweaver showing up means she’s changed

but Adora, you ARE stupid. lol

but the rest is too. ‘don’t listen to her Adora’ why not? is it so terrible to be from another world? the stakes are quite murky

Entrapta’s comments really go to show how shit of a leader Hordak really is. HOw the hell did he manage to create this empire when he’s so damn incompetent? OOOHHHHHH CATRA SAID IT!!! just after i wrote that sentence she SAID IT

Hordak is an idiotic beserker

so why didn’t they take their unicorn flying steed?

‘well yeah - but you said that while saving us - so - you can’t be all bad. what do ya say’

i love the voice actor for Adora lolololol. she is clearly having SO much fun.

and Adora has a small crush on Huntara and absolutely ruins her chances with the barmaid by popping up. totally did not expect that voice for Huntara tho

entraptak is.....real. wtf. it’s.....cute. Hordak is just trying to be Prime. Failing at it miserably, lashing out. jfc it’s an endless cycle  isn’t it.

‘know about she-ra? ahahahaha! I AM she-ra!’ THAT WAS BADASS. i love it when Adora is being rowdy and cocky

oh wow reversed chin-tilt with sword, and then lifting her head and soulful look? She-Ra really has chemistry with ALL the Princesses.

I LOVE scorpia. i loved that moment when Catra pushed her away nobly - i love how Catra has plausible deniability to herself. Love how the narrative reinforces that Catra is literally the most competent person around etc. (if they could get her for the Rebellion it would be over and out but hey)

surely Mara cut Aetheria off to save it from Hord-Prime’s war? Light-Hope wanted She-Ra to join the other She-Ra’s (’this world’s she-ra’) in the battle but she decided to hide the world and people she loved, breaking most of the magic-tech system. What I don’t understand is - the First Ones lived on Aetheria, but the people that populate it now are a different quality of organics, they can only survive in a specific atmosphere. The princesses are living components in the balancing of the tech-magic system...what are the people of the world? We don’t realise this most of the time, but all of them except for princesses, are animal-humanoids (and...kyle.....). What does this mean? Did the animal life unintentionally evolve? Were they an underclass - simply part of the system? (seems too edgy for this show).

‘why was i taken from my family? why was i forced to become a soldier?’ this line was GOOD

yesss!!! Mara! i love her already.

Scorpia is blushing lol. I am also liking Catra being completely off her shits careless and powerful.

Catra and Scorpia bonding yesssss!!!

ohhhhhHHH the magic of the planet is something of Aetheria itself! the tech is just latched on??? First Ones were colonisers (’settlers’)! but AETHERIA is what’s dangerous to the rest of the universe!!! (because it can be used as a weapon??) probably Aetheria would die as a result?

‘maybe it’s been a week, maybe it’s been thousands of years’ that is so fuckin sad

Catra being so hung up on acknowledgement is her greatest tragedy.

wow Scorpia really proposed a super cool thing and it could rearrange Catra’s WORLD

I want this show to stop repeating the same cycle after this last one time of Catra going: WAAAAHHH Adora made my life so hard now im going to do something inadvisable that might destroy us all as payback

Adora’s greatest tragedy is that she’s so self-centred that she doesn’t understand Catra at all.

if they have Angella and Glimmer fight and then have her mum die before they’ve made up i’ll be very upset (i’m not really loving Glimmer and Bow in this so far - they’re toeing the edge of annoying). and the fights about having to have plans and fighting or not fighting due to the fear of losing people - that’s always been uhhhh - well they always got away safe with shit plans and i just really don’t think that they’re meshing the commander-queen and daughter-mother stuff well. because there’s literally NO ONE ELSE in charge. there’s some magical queen and some villagers and a barely present guard. where’s the court, the advisors, anybody??

it would be silly to trust Shadoweaver (she did mercilessly torture you - no psychological effects from that stupidly enough), but i am hard-pressed to think of a reason she’d betray them.

still don’t understand how Frosta went from icy, frosty queen to idk a kid. i mean she can be both, but it was weird to see no uhhhh connection at all

I think this show is about how every single character is held back by their inability to grow and grow closer to others. Glimmer has disobeyed Angella SO often, why is she surprised at all? Why can’t she be honest and say: I am afraid! I am afraid I will lose you! I am afraid of that pain and I want you to take the risks seriously, to plan for them. I want to protect you!

That Glimmer would work with her torturer is of course a ridiculous notion. that is to say - if that kind of thing was properly given weight.

why fight Catra??? Why not just teleport to Hordak’s inner sanctum?? it’s stupid. why waste all the damn power

glad entrapta finally heard from Adora that she didn’t mean to leave her behind though.

‘you can’t fight them they’re too strong!’ ?? Glimmer just got sucked dry tho? like what. the way this show always postpones its fights on shitty pretexts is ....acceptable but pretty roll-eye-y

Catra burning all her bridges.

“there’s no choice” fucking bullshit, just teleport lol.

lol Catra feeds the anti-princess propaganda right back to Hordak. that’s poetic but jfc i really hope next season is going to be a little less *shuffles deck, cards end up in a million different hands, literally all cards feel betrayed*

so catra is willing to pull the annihilation switch on the universe just to one-up Adora just this once LOLLLL. if only somebody hadn’t ingrained a deeply seated inferiority complex in this cat

anyway i want her to feel the consequences of all that for a change

that animation on everything going VWWWWWWOOOOOOMM darkness was awesome

OHHHH the next episode has an awesome premise.

can i just say that i LOVE this episode. it’s so damn creepy and cool and kind of nostalgic. and i LOVE that it’s Scorpia and Adora who are remembering things - the ones closest to Catra. AND THEN THEY BOND!!!! and hold hands!!!!

reliving the betrayals. love the way the memories hit people, the way Catra goes from her old self, their playfulness, their casual violence ratcheting up at each other because that’s how they’ve been trained - to defend themselves, and then - the true Catra, the hysteria, gone so far off the deep-end. “i’d rather let the whole world be destroyed than let you win.” geeze that’s rooted deep.

angella and mica are so cuteeee. but angella really hasn’t changed has she? no tolerance for difficulty. she honestly is a bit of a shit queen. thought that was bc of grief and trauma but eh

he puts a truth spell on her but then he doesn’t believe her? does he think she’s crazy?

don’t think i’ve ever shipped something as hard in this show as Mica/Angella. i just LOVE royal woman x good man apparently. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. god why didn’t she kiss him on the lips>????

oh SHIT, MARA IS STILL TRAPPED INSIDE THE PORTAL LIKE ENTRAPTA SAID - THAT’S WHY SHE SAID: HAS IT BEEN A DAY OR THOUSANDS OF YEARS?

so...is there a reason that Angella is not faded?

wow that speech about bravery and cowardice. she truly. TRULY, ok they made something of her. I HATE losing Angella because the voice acting is INCREDIBLE. but that was actually an amazing end. (and she got to see Mica for the last time, at least)

ok so if i lost my mum forever i would be SCREAMING in pain but i guess these itsy bitsy tears from Glimmer will do?

that look of pure determination and anger and mercilessness in Adora’s eyes at Catra? nice. wish Catra didn’t go into a sulk at it but kept her goddamn FEAR (Adora was totally right, she vanquished another demon from her past - everything Catra did, she CHOSE to do. and her keeping on blaming others is simply - cowardice)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@thecicadasong yeah i havent actually had like, Anons trying to get fresh w/ me about what i Should be drawing (i think ive gotten anon hate like, twice? once for passing along a tweet abt respecting homeless people, another time i have No idea why they were trying to roast me but they were also...weirdly bad at it) but the very rare occasions someone’s tried to tell me i should be drawing different stuff for whatever reason Stick With Me b/c i’m often still steamed abt shit that mightve happened years back but it was THAT annoying lmfao & i reaaally hate when ppl get patronizing &/or when i can tell they’re acting like whatever angle they’re taking is going over my head or they think i’m clueless & i can’t even tell they see me that way lol and i’m like, oh my god i mean it doesn’t make me concerned if i Only Appreciate Boys b/c they’re mostly who i draw b/c yknow......my drawing corner is some rando over here just entertaining myself & Xpressing myself. and a real limited amt of my Interests = the ones im able/interested enough in to draw, & then i tend to wanna draw them a million times lmao....it’s not necessarily the One Unfiltered Reflection of all my interests and all the characters i like, cuz it’s not the only way i think abt shit and express things, & if somebody thinks that my Portfolio not being >50% Girls means that it’s b/c i’ve totally hated girls all along.....that’d be their prerogative i guess. also good lord but that’d be a bad litmus test anyways like.......alllll the misogynist dude artists who draw plenty of ~female characters~ like Yikes City ahhhhh god thats such a fucking cursed realm like. the people so sexist they should be banned from depicting girls and women in any medium. and banned in general God Anyways And Yeah like. the terrible relationships thing too.........like really, this is what you think is appealing???? its too clear sometimes when some man writing this kind of stuff has NO real idea how to think of a woman as an actual person and if they’re trying to write from that perspective it’s like “oh, let’s throw in a ‘smh boys are so stupid and sexist’ thought to realistically depict what it must be like to experience misogyny” and “something about a bra idk” and then call it a day, and if they’re trying to write Romance it’s just like....this Incredible Love that’s truly out of nowhere and they never bother explaining what sustains this, or they decide that the reason bitches liked pride & prejudice is totally because she thought he was a jerk and they fought but then it was like wait nvm we’re in love, right?? and they make that into like, some dude being able to be a total asshole and a really detrimental force in some girl’s life and somehow this Intensity can just be translated into Romantic Intensity no problem, it’s fine that like, they’re not even friends and who knows how to believe they can just get along in regular life and the guy is probably super disrespectful and diminishes her but whatever its fine All Of This And More.....there are so many terrible and annoying ways they do m/f relationships and it’s Really easy to just make it decently written!!! i mean of course sometimes there’s m/f ships that i think are tolerably written and i don’t hate it but also don’t particularly care one way or another but a small / hetero-leaning fandom will like Never Shut Up About It and it’s like ok please shut up about it......i mean really i definitely don’t ever go into any new piece of media expecting to give a shit about any Guy Girl couple. it was a pleasant but total surprise that i really like jeremy/christine (which is not me disavowing the nb lesbian jeremy hc by any means lol) and it was NOT complicated why!!! really in fact a couple of the biggest reasons i found it Especially Good is like, ten seconds in total lmao and it’s “jeremy and christine cracking up by squawking at each other on the couch” and “jeremy doing that Ecstatic Stimming Twirl after kissing christine for 0.003 seconds” lmao.....like!!!! consider showing that the characters can actually have genuine fun interacting with each other for longer than five seconds!!!! give us a single reason why they’d be drawn to each other As People!!! it’s notttt thaaaat harrrrrd aaaaaaaaaA THE WEIRD CHARACTERS yeah i love a true Quirky character and not in the like.....bad clichéd quirky way but like. just someone who’s weird!! the nerdy awkward guys who manifest this by like....maybe being a tiny bit socially clumsy are like, boring and whatever a dime a dozen. but when people are funky and in a sort of fun way and it’s genuinely part of how they interact with others....it’s real relatable lmao i don’t have any very Weird Persona at this point but back in the day i did a bit moreso b/c like, firstly interacting w ppl tended to make me Nervous so it’s like ah hell i’ll do a bit. and then also there’s the classic “well i have this Weirdness abt me that i can’t turn off that ppl seem to dislike, so i’ll put on this extra layer of weirdness that i can try to be vaguely entertaining with.” and then you aren’t popular at all still lol but at least you’ve got your niche amongst whoever does actually like you.....Weird Quirky Guys characters are fun and like, it’s funny that nato of the black suits is Like That in terms of being a lil weirdo who just kind of does his thing in his corner and might Say Something About Anything Apropos Of Nothing as his conversational style and he’s apparently that superlative student type but doesnt seem to actually give a shit and just has his specific interest and depression.......it’s like oh jeez!!! relatable lmao!!! everyone who has a kind of Veneer of communicating a bit erratically and maybe just always throwing out random shit when interacting with others to hope something sticks......but also the strangeness doesn’t even have to be at all performative b/c it’s rarer but super fun when there’s characters who do have that kind of more inherent weirdness that they can’t turn off that really puts people off despite like....them not really doing anything lol....now THAT’S what i call A Timeless Mood it’s funny lmao like i totally have clear Character Types and i always go for those ppl on the same general wavelength as me but it can be a bit Unpredictable and nuanced which ones will actually be adopted into the faves category......like naturally i go for the un-cool passionate excitable types but if someone’s real like, mad energetic or demanding/loud im like oops you lost me. i like people who like to / want to Socialize / have relationships but sometimes if they’re too outgoing / have that natural success at it all / are obv free of anxiety im like, again, you’ve lost me. you truly never know!! only the Most relatable can survive!! one that might seem like they should be a fave on paper might super annoy me lol or just generate Zero interest.......it’s nice to be surprised by which characters really strike a chord lol

[01010010-posts]

abo anon. i'm doing okay, hope u r too! i can't stop imagine the omega bois after to keep quiet (or at least really trying to) while they're doing the do w their alpha. like maybe they have house guests & they don't wanna be heard through the walls? maybe they're doing somewhere they really shouldn't be, like in public or at the office? maybe they're hiding in the closet or in a connecting bathroom & someone comes into the room just outside? idk why i can't get this out of my mind

kinda!! im super stressed about these exams, i have 0 to little free time so uhhh speaking of this!! i’d love to continue my wip about RK900 masturbating in public,,, and get to all asks,,, but im super slow (sorry!!)i’d go with house guests, btw! more than one time i’ve found myself hearing people having sex,,,, often because walls are paper thin & if you fuck against it loudly,,, well,,, and one time i was in the same room with a friend & her boyfriend and apparently,,,, they really needed to fuck while they were on the bed and i was sleeping on the floor next to them BUT returning to the matter at hand! they’d be so into it,,, prob RK900 would be the only one to openly say it but connor & 60 would lowkey like it too, the comfort of being in their own home but the thrill of someone eavesdropping their moans, the sounds they make, their pleads? and their alpha cooing over them, asking to be quite because as much as they love their whimpers they don’t want to be discovered and gosh,,,, their alpha being so loving, saying again and again how good they are for keeping quiet,,, man!!! they would very much love it. rebooting because of overstimulation is not adviced but they can’t help it,,, your touch feels so good, of course they overheat from the pleasure. not like they’re doing it on purpose after all (aftercare is super important!! they never skip that! also their legs shaking,,,, my jam)UGH yes??? yeS??? they have cute perky little butts and even if they���re made of plastic they’re incredibly soft?? like?? what the fuck?? gotta thanks cyberlife for one (1) thing i guess? spanking & bites are mandatory by the new androids laws,,,, can’t have a butt so cute under your eyes all the time and not get a little touchy-feely with it c’mon!!!! this is A++ level of teasing fuck?? so lost in their little codes they don’t even realize their alpha has stopped thrusting,,,, connor is a little annoyed tbh i think his partner does it more than what he’d like to and it drives him mad, he loves & hates this kind of teasing so he’d def start to say please please please a myriad of times until he slowly starts to fuck himself (hiccuping moans are so precious? thank u) but boy when his alpha pins him down he’s so ready for it,,, and so are 60 (he ADORES it, the waiting is the best part, it builds up a lot) and RK900 (he pretends a bit but he gets so excited thinking about his alpha fucking him hard ok)he’s a sensitive cutie,,,, and i love him this way for this au bc he’s totally the type that you just want to mess up until he can’t think straight anymore. his little blue face when you kiss him all over? adorable. his moans when you hickeys onto his thighs? lovely. him taking your fingers into his mouth while you’re so close to his face you’re almost certain you could see warnings and texts in the reflection of his eyes any moment now? to die for. him seeing stars already?? hello?? when he’s knotted he’s,,, so high on his orgasm he would probably be seconds away from a soft reboot he loves being knotted so uhh,,,, please do more of this to him esp the tongue esp the knottingnever thought there could be a time where i learnt the word cockwarming but english’s full of wonders and im all here for them! apparently.them fucking themselves is,,, a thing,,,, so cute,,,, they’re so needy and,,, gosh,,,, connor would be silent, hoping that his alpha won’t notice because it’s morning and he doesn’t want to come off this greedy but ugh?? it’s all useless he’s so embarrassed when you stop faking being asleep & kiss him60 would do everything to wake you up but mhh weird nothings work so guess,,, there’s nothing to do if not,,,, help himself,,, he scolds you a bit when you do ‘wake up’ but he’s too busy pleasuring bothRK900 knows you know and he’s all down for it. when you feel like joining too he’s glad bc he was becoming a bit lonely without your touch (‘feel like joining’ as in ‘he feels too good you can’t feing another second of it’)GOD what did you do,,,, they would have none of it.as soon as connor sees you he’d be all ‘so cute of [name] to come here and surprise me’ & he feel your sweet sweet scent, he’s mesmerized by it but he’s not stupide he understands what you’re trying to do (he’s a detective!!) and gosh,,, it’s very HARD to keep his hands to himself,,, esp if you sit in his lap like it’s nothing,,, how he’s supposed to continue working??? after that??? either he finds time for a break (with you?? please?) or he keeps fidgeting with his coin until he’s home,,,, then trust me he’ll use those fingers for a better use (*cough*overstimulation*cough*)60 is,,, fucking done. you can’t come here at work and be THIS pretty. you can’t. he’ll arrest you. that’s it. it’s all your fault. or at least that’s what he would like to do,,,, he’s so weak for you he’d let you do anything you want,,,, wanna kiss and leave him wanting more? allowed. wanna whisper dirty DIRTY things into his ears? YEP do!!! he’ll blush and whisper MORE dirty things into yours. he’s a pro at that btw. if you,,,, tell him ‘i want your knot’ he’ll take a day off because now he has to pamper you for the whole night and the whole next day. sorry.RK900 where to even begin. he’s so perfect while doing his job. but you, how can he refuse if you visit him? he’s super happy and takes you somewhere quite where you two can cuddle. but not,,,, this time. this time you’re sitting on his lap, facing him, grinding painfully slow on him, he doesn’t know what to do he’s gulping down his own artificial spit and he’s trying his best not to take you home RN. someone help him. also your scent?? it’s so fucking nice today he could die in your arms without any regret. and when you abruptly stop and tell him that this is just a preview of what’s waiting for him tonight? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN ANDROID DOING WORK SO QUICKLY? he probably overheats from the strain of filing 50 reports at once.

[luthorao3]

im lowkey planning a multi-chapter modern au ac: odyssey fic that will be kassandra and family-centric, but ultimately kassandra/kyra romance. so far my notes come down to:

kass The Army Brat past 

alexios in minor gang/gun/drug drama 

childhood bff/neighbour with occasional benefits odessa (friendship built on mutual disdain for their home town and wanting to Get Out -- imagine the shenanigans) 

kass with divorced parents living with her mother, taking on odd jobs here and there to best support her family 

daphnae probably a fitness instructor at a gym kassandra attends. her workout routines are brutal. kass is definitely tapping that. 

roxana will make an appearance i just met her VERY LATE but their lil romance in game was incredible 

(kass is just horny on main all the time apparently)

kass and alexios being infamous in their neighbourhood for always getting into trouble together (they each blame the other, but are equally confrontational and prone to making poor decisions, so really god help myrrine) 

said trouble consisting of stupid shit like gang drama, petty squabbles with neighbours and the like turning to extreme pranks, wrestling in supermarkets that turns into an honest to god fist fight (no love lost), “accidentally” stealing a horse, you know

kass being that one grouch who all the neighbourhood kids go to whenever they’re having a problem that a punch in the face can solve (kass grumbles about it a lot but she’s more than happy to offer her expertise) 

kass seeing kyra for the first time riding a horse barefoot along a white sandy beach just before oncoming sunset and losing her goddamn mind because she’s the most beautiful thing that she’s ever seen perhaps

idk why she’s barefoot on a horse on the beach but i can’t get the mental image out of my mind now that it’s there SO i’ll just figure that out later

[troubleisfree]

this is going to be like a very long, detailed, and mostly my personal observations and notes. as it was my first time seeing neymar and the brazil nt in person, i want to remember everything i can while its still fresh. it was a very exciting and at the same time surreal experience because i see those people all the time on tv games and now there they were few feet away from me...

i took the photos and videos. i am usually pretty good at that but i guess the excitement got the better of me because they did not come out fabulous. tumblr is being stupid with not letting me upload more then one video in a post, and i wanted everything together, so i ended up putting them up on youtube.

the hotel 9/3/2018.

so first i went to the hotel (very close to where i live) on monday 9/3. as it was labor day, i was off work and at a bbq/pool party abt 10 miles from home for the day. brazil nt was scheduled to leave the hotel for their first training at 4pm so i left the party early and, after some traffic drama, made it to the hotel little after 3.40pm. there were not too many people so i had a decent view but i also moved around a bit. some of the support staff was coming out already. a few minutes later, firmino was the first i saw, he waved and went straight to the bus.

then a group of marquinhos, douglas costa, fabinho etc came out together. only marquinhos paid any attention to the fans, waving and smiling but didnt stop.

then another group, including casemiro.

then alisson came out. he was really sweet, smiled, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. interacted the most of anyone else with the fans. 

then another group - i think richarlison (idk him really), filipe luis, thiago silva. thiago was just as nice as alisson, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. he looked to me a bit shorter irl then on tv...

willian came out alone next.

at this point, it was almost 4pm, my excitement had totally built up and i was so anxious to see my boy ney. i started thinking that maybe he will get there separately cuz i hadnt seen coutinho and tite either. but there he was! coming out last with barely a minute to spare before 4pm (the timestamp on my photo is 3:58:59pm lol). he was the very last one to come out, chewing on something, with his typical swagger. he waved but didnt stop and the bus left as soon as he got on. he looked just as hot in person as on tv, the cameras dont lie lol. really handsome and very very sexy! i mean, i expected it, i have seen his photos lol but omg he looks so damn good you cant help those dirty thoughts! i felt like an absolute fangirl! this is neither here or there, but he looked to me a little bigger then i expected. just kinda...fuller?

i only took one photo of him cuz i wanted to look at him with my own eyes rather than thru the camera ;)

it was such an incredible experience seeing neymar and the rest of the guys in person so close that i was shaking after! like for real my hands were shaking, my legs were shaking. and i couldnt stop grinning for a good half an hour after. i went to the boardwalk to calm down a bit and just absorb the experience. people passing by probably thought im crazy or reading love letters on my phone or something cuz i just couldnt stop grinning but i didnt give a flying fuck what they were thinking - i had just seen neymar!

my notes and impressions:

1. OMFG I SAW NEYMAR FROM FEW FEET AWAY. just that, my brain was really way too frazzled to process any other impressions lol

the game 9/7/2018

so after some c. drama, despite my initial hopes, i had accepted that i am not going to go to the game. and then the day before i find out I AM GOING!!! i was so freaked out with excitement lol!!!

getting there was so frustrating! first i had forgot to charge my phone before leaving work so i only had like 30% which was nowhere near good enough for my plans of copious pics and vids. so i had to run into a bodega to buy a charger for the car. then for some complicated reason we had to leave from the ues and fucking DRIVE. crosstown. on a friday. at 6pm. straight thru freakin time square with its gazillion tourists. on top of rush hour. even though the schedule said 8pm, the tickets said the event starts at 7.30 and i wanted to be there early to see the warmups and at 7.02 we were still not even inside lincoln tunnel ffs! i was FUMING and ready to jump outta the car and start yelling at the other cars to get a goddamn fucking move on i got places to be people to see! just ugh. so frustrating. the only upside of taking so long to get to the stadium was that by the time we got there my phone was almost 100%...

anyway, finally at 7.25pm we got there and thru all the checks etc (my joke of a miniature purse was shown as an example to another girl with a slightly bigger purse and praised by security for being perfect size which pissed me off because of their dumbass rules it had is smaller then my regular WALLET ffs and it barely even fits my phone so in no way is it a ‘perfect size’ except maybe for dolls or tiny aliens. but they had the stupid clear bag / tiny purse rule in effect and all i cared at that point was getting in so whatever. still, fucking terrorists. obviously also for more important reasons than just being the cause of my having to have a tiny purse but yeah fucking terrorists). 

the stadium was buzzing already. apparently the 7.30 start was for the warmups so perfect for me. this was the view from our seats.

when we got to our seats, the usa team was out already. and the canarinho was interacting with fans. and then brazil came out. 

ney was warming up with coutinho

after stretches, he did some practice shooting. this one didnt go in.

after that the team went back inside and the canarinho came behind the barriers to interact with the fans (photo below especially taken for a.)

time for the teams to come out. for some reason the tunnel was on my side of the stadium but the benches were on the other side and they lined up there for the anthems. (again, for a.)

then the us anthem and, since we dont do things here on a small scale, the flag rolled out was the size of the whole stadium lol

in the first half neymar was playing in front of me. in the beginning of the game i took a few photos and then i stopped because i wanted to watch the game and see with my own eyes not concentrate on the phone... still, here they are

here is the penalty. i didnt catch it go in because i was looking at it happening rather then my phone. i also removed the sound cuz there was screaming when it went in lol. it was a VERY soft penalty btw...

my notes and impressions:

1. it was a friendly so not surprisingly, it was not an edge-of-your-seat game. still brazil dominated the crap out of the usa team. the difference in class and quality was glaringly obvious.

2. it was strange not supporting my country’s team. but only when i thought about it. otherwise my soccering heart belongs to brazil 100%, without a doubt.

3. watching a game live vs tv: both have pros and cons. again, after watching every week on tv, seeing these guys live in person is simply incredible. just absolutely surreal. like, they are moving, running, kicking right in front of you. you can hear the ball being kicked. feel the tension. see what they are doing without the ball. watch their interactions away from the camera. feel the power of the crowd. its just so much more immersive. at the same time, watching at home the curated game content is... convenient. you get closeups. you get facts from the commentators. your bathroom is nearby (i did carefully time my liquid intake that day to avoid venturing into stadium bathrooms and thank god it worked lol). so imo, watching a game on tv is not really that much worse then watching it live. i always felt like i am getting a completely filtered version on tv and it is filtered but it is not horrible. yes, you are missing out on stuff but its not a total loss.

4. the stadium was about 40% full, 32k of 82k capacity. but it felt more like 2/3, probably because on the other side many sections were not even open so most everyone attending was spread out in one long side and the two goal sides.

5. brazil fans were out strong! i’d say about 70% of the people were brazil fans, and of those about 90% had on brazil jerseys. yellow galore lol. the usa fans were constantly chanting but when the brazil fans decided to make the effort they drowned them out easily and completely!

6. the usa fans were in the section behind one of the goals. throughout most of the game i thought oh cute they are constantly singing their hearts out supporting their clearly outplayed loosing team. then they did iceland’s viking chant. yes, it is a cool chant but its iceland’s. idk why so many have been plagiarizing it! first portugal did it in the wc, then i saw another, and now the american outlaws (the usa ultras)... let iceland have its thing people. i did not appreciate it but no big deal. BUT then they did something that pissed me off - few minutes before neymar was substituted in the 80 min they chanted fuck neymar. i was not best pleased to say the least! lick sweaty balls jealous motherfuckers!

7. we did a wave that went around the stadium like 4 times!

8. there was a small group of 13-14yo girls right behind us that whenever ney touched the ball or looked our way screamed ‘neymaaaarrr, neymaaaaarrrrrrrr, vaiiiiiii, vai neymaaaaaaarrrrrrrr’. one girl in particular was especially shrill and vociferous in her dedication to ney. no sense of decorum whatsoever lol. my bf was smirking at me and was like why dont you go sit with them. i on the other hand was thinking that while i wouldnt go sit with them, if some of my tumblr girls were here.... well those girls wouldnt even know what hit them!

9. i would definitely go to a game again! 

10. while the seats we had were really good, i wish there was an option to be even closer and still see the whole pitch. then again, for me it would probably only qualify as ‘close enough’ if im allowed to run along the sidelines lol. but then i wont really be able to watch the game. (hey maybe i can hang from the skycam hahaaaa!). yes, i am a neymar fan but i am also a fan of the game so i want both. i did not have any input in the choice of these seats but i think it was a good trade off - the closest where you can both see the guys and actual game. if i have to pick the tickets for the next game (hopefully i will go again some time!), i would be tempted by the lower levels but the barriers are pretty high so... i would probably go for the same - second level first row.

11. there was a guy sitting next to me with his date and he was trying to be all knowledgeable and impress the girl but half the stuff he was telling her was wrong lol! he kept pointing to douglas costa and telling her its firmino. i was cracking myself up listening to him talk complete bullshit but with such grand authority about technical game stuff.

12. at some point a loose ball ended up into the stands, some guy caught it, and 2 min later security came to take it away from him :/ why not let the guy just keep the ball?!? stupid. if it was me, i’d have made a fuss, maybe pretended that it hit me in the face and threatened to sue the stadium cuz they have not ensured the spectators’ safety or some such crap lol. see if they dont let me keep it to avoid a lawsuit.

13. the canarinho (for a.) - he was really great! interacting with the fans, dancing, hugging fans. really a fantastic mascot and absolute joy to watch! during the halftime he was out on the pitch, doing keepie uppies (in those shoes too!!! showing his brazilianness lol), and kicking balls into the stands

14. i was totally impressed by neymar. it was just so obvious how good he is and no, not because i am biased, which i admittedly am. i expected him to be good, duh, but to see it so clearly was amazing. he is not a fluke, he is the real deal. he stands out among even such quality peers as the rest of brazil nt! just something in the way he interacts with the ball, the way he moves, ‘sees’ his teammates without looking, turns on a dime, does the unexpected. i dont think he ‘thinks’ or ‘calculates’ at all his moves or that it is just a lot of practice, i think it is pure instinct in the moment, i.e. phenomenal natural talent. even though this was not one of his greatest games for sure, he just looked... special and different from the rest. most of the brazil players were displaying their clearly high quality but there is just something unique in the way neymar plays. even if you dont know who he is, what teams are playing, anything at all, you’d still pick him out and know that there is something extraordinary about this guy. if you unfocus your eyes so you see just all same yellow shirt figures, you would still be able to pick out which one is neymar. he did a bit of his skills and tricks and of course i wished he had done more. what i took away from watching him play live was that, in this average game, he looked as good playing live as he has in the past when i have watched his great games on tv. i dont know why. but watching neymar play live was an experience of its own. it felt like his average ‘live’ performance is as good as his great ‘tv’. i cant even imagine what it would be like watching one of his great performances live. while i dont feel im loosing so much watching games on tv vs live as mentioned above, i definitely feel that watching neymar in particular play live is on another level and im missing out when i watch him on tv instead of live. he is absolutely worth the price of admission. i was so disappointed in him for his wc antics but thats in the past now, and i have been reminded how right it feels to be his fan, not just for the nice things he does for kids/charity, his fun personality (and lets not forget the good looks, and oh boy they are SO GOOD lol) but his undeniably outstanding talent on the pitch. his game is just incredible. i hope he keeps healthy. i hope he gets his temper under control not just for a few games but for good. and i pray he always has the freedom to shine like he rightfully can. i am rooting for him to get the appreciation and acknowledgement he deserves, unadulterated by behavioral issues or personal drama.

ok, imma stop now. this post is huge, even by my standards.