#why? becaues idk i have no where else to talk about it

[philzokman]

my favourite thing in the whole wide world is creating a normal post and then using the notes as a completely unrelated diary entry

[into-f0lkl0re]

Paige bueckers head cannons

I’m in the writing mood idk why

not spell checked (srry)

warnings: slightly nsfw at the end

enjoy!!

———————————————————————

sfw

* definitely liked you first. i feel like caroline probably introduced you guys and she was immediately internally freaking out because you were so nice and chill and polar opposite of her

* would literally do anything to impress you like would jump really high and than turn around to make sure you saw

* for example say yall are in target to get some tru fru (cuz yk she loves her tru fru. her and kk have a serious problem god damn) and you are just pushing the cart not paying attention and she is just like “babe look babe look” “ watch this” “ are you watching??” and you finally are like yes paige and she just does a run a jump to touch something really high and then just skips back to you like “did you see that? you saw that right? I jumped so high!!!!”

* whenever she is on live with kk will just constantly talk about you to the point where everyone else is so fucking annoyed

* like kk is trying to give a crumbl review in her room (that one live) and is like “this one’s mint, i don’t like mint so im not gonna try it but ice wants some” and paige is just like “did you guys know that y/n loves mint. her favorite ice cream is mint chip and like the other day we wer-“ and you just see kk roll her eyes and groan really loudly “paige let me rate this damn cookie” and paige is just like 😧 cuz she just loves talking about you sm cuz your her baby

* during games every time she makes a basket will search for you in the audience and then smile really big

* speaking of games best believe she wants you at every single game and when you can’t go to one she is like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

* and gives you the silent treatment ( not like literally) but she is just so pouty

* like “ babe wdym you have to study for midterms? I have a game tonight. you have to be there” if this is after she recovers from her acl injury she will be like “it’s bad luck if you don’t come. i’m gonna get hurt again” and then you end up going just to cheer her up.

* loves to play video games with you

* if you don’t like playing video games than she just wants to be in the same room as you

* very clingy and touchy especially when drunk

* gets very very pouty when y’all are cuddling and you have to get up to do something

* will follow you around like a lost puppy until you can’t sit down with her again

* if you are studying or working and can’t exactly talk to her or entertain her she will just sit next to you and watch what you are doing or play with your hair

* if you are doing something on the computer she will start braiding your hair while looking over your shoulder

* her love languages are physical touch and quality time together

nsfw

* dom like 95% of the time but loves when you take control

* like after a really hard practice or game or just a shit day in general she really just wants you to take care of her

* you guys do not have a stone top/pillow princess dynamic (sorry not sorry) ( like yk how a lot of times the mascs will get treated like men in the relationship. that is not your guys relationship) you both give

* she loves to please you but also loves being pleased

* strap ( that’s it)

* she likes using the strap on you but she loves to be eaten out or honestly sometimes a really heated make out session and she just gets off from grinding on you

* she leaves a bunch of hickies all over you (i mean every where)

* wishes you could leave hickies all over her but you can’t that often because of her basket ball uniform

* but best believe off season she is covered in them

* safe word!!! she doesn’t really do overstimulation to much because safe word is not the goal. a safe word is like an emergency stop button

* but y’all can give for a bit

* if you two ever got to a place where you had to use the safe word she would feel so bad

* like y’all wouldn’t have sex for the next couple days because she is so scared of hurting you

* it gets to the point where you have to be like “ i promise you will not hurt me what happened was a miscommunication you didn’t do anything wrong”

* y’all have a really long talk on consent and shit like that because your safety is her no.1 priority

* same goes the other way around

* just loves you smm and loves showing it in anyway she can

I hope y’all like this!! I want to write for other wbb/wnba people as well so please send in requests 🙏 of what y’all would want

i will def do more headcannons for other people as well just ask! I honestly have been having sm writing and i have a bunch of ideas in my notes app! ik the smut wasn’t very smutty (im srry) i don’t have a lot of experience writing smut but i am not against writing it so i will write more if wanted!

Big forehead kisses💕💕

-Faye

[icallhimjoey]

Define Close

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: What good are flatmates even, if they don't comfort you when you need it most? Or when you need it a normal amount? Or, you know, when you don't really need it, but just really want it?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, afab!reader, hurt/comfort i guess? idk we're sad a lot and joe cheers us up a lot, mentions of reader having hair long enough to be played with

Author’s note: oooohh trouble in paradise? or maybe not... well, at least there's some realisations. a few of them. we'll see how much they'll actually mean and if it'll change anything.

Wordcount: 4.3K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

Joe had been thrown for a loop.

What the fuck was that?

He didn’t understand what was suddenly different. Why things had suddenly changed. It was only subtle, they were just two words. But at the same time, proven by the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about them, they carried colossal meaning.

“Thank you.”

It took him a second to process the words. He didn’t even really hear them at first. Didn’t let them land properly. Not initially.

He watched you walk into the kitchen and have a sip of water before you went to bed. Told him good night, which he returned, and then after you’d left him by himself, he suddenly frowned. Tucked in his chin in confusion.

Thank you?

Thank you for what?

You had never told him thank you before after an evening of a shared pizza and soft comfort on the sofa. Throughout the whole film, Joe’d rested his arm on the back of it, bent at the elbow, fingers slowly raking through your hair at your hairline. You’d curled into him like a cat, feet pressed into the cushions right next to his thighs, knees over his lap and your head on his shoulder.

Close and comfy, like it always was. Like you always were.

Joe had expected you to fall asleep, because you usually did, but you hadn’t this time. The film ended, and as the credits rolled, you sat up, stretched your arms up over your head and yawned.

“Thank you.” you’d casually said before getting up and leaving him there.

You made an offhand comment about needing to clean the kitchen. Said you’d get to it tomorrow and disappeared into the hallway before Joe could say anything about it.

Thank you.

Joe knew he was likely being silly. Saying thank you was a good thing. A polite thing to do, the opposite of rude, or careless. He should actually be glad for it.

Yet, he wasn’t.

It took him a whole day of thinking about it to figure out why it bothered him so much.

For one, he didn’t like that you’d introduced something new that felt less intimate, somehow. You’d never said it before, and he couldn’t think of anything else being different, so why suddenly this? Then, secondly, and Joe knew there was a fair chance he was wrong, but it somehow turned the quality time you spent together feel grossly transactional.

Like he’d done a stranger a favour.

He still didn’t fully get it, because essentially he was accusing you of doing something appreciative, but it just... it absolutely didn’t sit right with him.

Problem was, who was he going to talk to about this?

He couldn’t talk to anyone. Not even you. Because that’s not what you did. You never talked. Not about these things, at least.

And so, because there wasn’t really any other choice, Joe decided to push the whole thing to the back of his mind, where he’d forget about all of it eventually.

He was likely being stupid.

You had been nice.

He could just force himself to say you were welcome if you did it again.

Though he really hoped you wouldn’t do it again.

Didn’t want that to become a new flatmate thing, saying thank you and you’re welcome like you were vague acquaintances.

Things weren’t meant to move backwards like that. Not that Joe dared think of next steps. Forward ones. Of moving whatever was happening between the two of you along. But he didn’t want to go backwards.

He feared things were already slightly moving backwards though, because you’d not snuck into his bed in a while.

And you’d not gone out of your way to find him for a quick hug in a bit.

Joe thought it was likely that you were seeing someone. Or at least talking to someone. Not that this stopped you from draping yourself over Joe’s lap when you’d find him watching TV sat on the sofa, but it felt like you were pulling away just ever so slightly.

He only allowed himself to dwell on it for a second.

Was probably for the best, wasn’t it?

Joe understood that having you as a flatmate only worked out in the way that it did on his end because he wasn’t looking to enter a serious relationship with anyone.

If he was, he’d have to move out.

He’d have to.

There was no way he was going to be able to convince someone, anyone, that you and Joe were just normal flatmates. Especially if it was someone he’d have serious intentions about maybe marrying one day.

Or, if he could, there’d still be the issue that she would then likely not trust it. Not trust you. Not trust him.

So maybe this was smart.

Not as fun, though.

Good, for you. Obviously. You seemed happier. In better moods. This was a good thing, Joe reminded himself, and made a real point to think it every time he felt a little sad when he watched a film by himself in an empty flat. When he went to bed by himself in an empty flat.

A few weeks passed like that, until one afternoon, he’d walked in with bags full of shopping, and saw you’d crawled into bed for a midday nap. You’d left your bedroom door open and Joe took a moment to look at you as he leant against the doorframe.

Why did you look so much better to him when you were asleep?

So much softer. Almost fragile. Like you needed protecting.

He knew he took too long staring at you. Had to snap himself out of it and he squeezed his eyes shut as he closed the door. The self-restraint it took to not just walk right over and get into bed with you deserved a fucking medal, Joe thought.

When dinner time was nearing and he still hadn’t seen or heard you, he took it upon himself to go and wake you up.

Soft knocks on your bedroom door got no answer.

He went inside anyway, whispered your name and walked over to your bed.

You’d curled up into a little ball, face squished between your pillow and your pulled up shoulder and you looked achingly adorable, Joe could hardly stand it.

He used a finger to remove a strand of hair that had fallen over your face and softly said your name once more.

You woke up slow.

Joe got to witness it from up close.

After groaning, stretching and a deep inhale, you blinked your eyes into focus and found Joe sat on the edge of your bed.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he smiled. You frowned at his little joke, knowing full well it was nearing in on the evening. “We’re making pizza from scratch for dinner.”

You hummed and, in all honesty, wanted to roll over and get a few more minutes in. You’d not had a single good night’s sleep all week, so you’d reserved the weekend to catch up.

Just, sleep. No other plans.

“You want some home made pizza?” Joe cooed, eyes all rounded, all gentle.

You nodded, rubbing your face further into your pillow as you did.

“Yea? What toppings do you want?”

Joe forced you to wake up a little more. To think a little straighter.

It took you a second to get it together, and then you softly said, “I don’t know, what did you get?”

“Lots.”

“Hmm,” you tried your best suppressing a yawn. “I’ll have everything then.”

“All right, one everything-pizza, coming up.”

You huffed a laugh and rolled onto your back, managing to open your eyes fully now. You stared up at the ceiling a second, and then looked at Joe.

“I skipped lunch, so this is perfect, actually.”

And Joe just... smiled. Grinned widely as he looked at you. It took a few seconds before he seemed to realise that you could see him, because suddenly he looked down a little bashfully before clearing his throat and getting up.

“No need to rush, it’ll take a while. Dough’s still rising.” Joe talked as he walked out, slapping the doorframe as he passed it before disappearing from view.

And... shit.

You felt it then and you just... you knew you’d been right.

This just confirmed it, and you didn’t like how it all just settled into your bones more. Because, it meant trouble.

You’d first noticed it a few weeks ago.

How you’d somehow, over the span of some months, had fucking managed to fully pavlov yourself. Conditioned your mood into doing a complete one-eighty the moment your flat came into view.

You could’ve had the best day. Be in the best mood. Absolutely no reason to feel sad, to be tired, to be all down. Could be so happy, feel really upbeat, all chipper and energized. But you would quite literally turn the corner, would see your building, and you would feel your whole mood sink with every step you’d get closer.

And for what?

Just so you could be babied by your flatmate?

Because you knew he always would?

Sick. That wasn’t okay.

You had a stern check-in with yourself when, a few weeks ago, you came home after work and used the whole lift ride to think of reasons to be sad, quite literally depressing yourself.

And then, when you walked in on the verge of tears, Joe wasn’t there.

You fucking idiot.

Did all that for fucking nothing.

And now what?

Pick up the pieces yourself?

Where was the fun in that?

You thought about Joe’s bed, then. You knew he didn’t mind you sleeping in there. But, what were you doing, realistically? If you really gave it a good think?

Something needed changing.

Enough of this bullshit.

And when Joe had walked in around eight that evening, you sat down and watched a film together and you’d tried so very hard not to fall asleep. To not wobble in your mood. To not rely on Joe so much to fix what wasn’t even broken. God, you really had to stop convincing yourself that you were broken all of the time.

Once the film finished, you’d told Joe thanks and went to sleep and felt fucking awful for it, but it was probably for the best.

It would be good trying to be a bit more normal.

Use your words.

Be polite and say thanks when you should.

And maybe you should stop going for dates with guys, laugh at their jokes all night, but secretly be so excited to go home where you could sink into Joe’s side and hide yourself away underneath his arm for a good while.

Maybe you should stop having adult sleep-overs at random guys’ places, and constantly think of how your body fit together with theirs compared to Joe’s.

Wasn’t exactly healthy, what you’d been doing, was it?

Best to pull back. If only a little.

But then, waking up to Joe sat on the edge of your bed? Calling you sunshine as he smiled? Talking about making home made pizza together? Whispering all soft so you could wake up gently?

God.

There really was just something about it.

About him.

And even though you lived together, you realised you had missed him when you watched him walk out of your bedroom, talking about pizza dough rising and telling you not to rush getting out of bed.

Overcome by a weird surge of blind affection that would’ve been directionless had Joe not been there, you decided to just let it lead you where it wanted you to go. Let it pull you out of bed. Let it lumber you over to your kitchen.

You had itchy hands that needed to touch.

Arms that need to curl around and squeeze.

Feel him.

Feel him all up against you. Around you. Everywhere.

But, you were stopped in your tracks.

Thrown for a loop.

You hadn’t expected another person there.

Joe was stood by the counter, his back facing you, as he was cutting up some chicken to cook.

At the island stood his father.

“Hello,” Joe’s dad could smile just as warmly as Joe could. All kind and friendly. He said hello the way polite people always did, intonation going from up, then down, and then slightly up again at the end.

You knew Joe’s dad.

Had met him many times before.

You just hadn’t expected him.

He startled the tears right into your eyes.

Which sucked.

Because you were already on your way to attach yourself to Joe for a minute, and now you couldn’t because that’s not what you did in front of other people, and now you were crying, and guess how you always dealt with tears inside these four walls? Who always dealt with your tears inside these four walls?

Panic.

“Ooh, sorry! Did I frighten you?”

“N-no,” you tried smiling to disguise that actually, yes, he had done. But that wasn’t his fault. You had just wrongly assumed that when Joe said we’re making pizza from scratch, that he meant you and him would be making pizza from scratch.

Not his father and him.

Stupid.

Joe looked over his shoulder and saw you stood in the doorway still, body all rigid as your eyes darted from his dad to him and back again, and he saw.

Saw how your index fingers curled to scratch at your thumbs by your sides.

Saw how your held your breath, scared to release it, because what if it came out as a sob?

Saw how you bit your bottom lip into your mouth to make sure they wouldn’t see it tremble.

Saw the telltale crease of your forehead that always came before tears.

Shit.

Joe put his knife down and then, just... stood there. Didn’t know what to do. Because there was company, and Joe didn’t do what Joe usually did when there was company.

So now what?

You opened your mouth, and something stuttered out, but none of you could make sense of what words they were meant to be.

And then you just... stepped back.

Left.

Needed to go hide in your bathroom or something. Splash some cold water into your face and slap yourself across a wet cheek. It was so fucking silly, but it was wildly overwhelming to really want a hug from your comfort-person and then not be able to get one.

Just before you were about to dart into your room, you heard following footsteps.

No voice.

No words.

Just footsteps.

You were about three steps into your bedroom, bee-lining it to your ensuite, when a hand got you by the elbow and stopped you.

“Hey, come here.”

You easily let yourself be pulled back and crashed into Joe’s chest. It was confusing to try and wrap your head around why you suddenly were all up in your feelings, why the sudden dramatics, why your eyes were wet and your throat felt tight.

But then, there was Joe.

Ready to take care of it.

Joe used both arms to hold you against him firmly, one large palm around the back of your head to hold it in place. He let his head rest on top of yours, his cheek pressing into your hair, and you clung to him. Burrowed your face into him and tightly twisted handfuls of fabric of his shirt into your fists as your breathing grew more erratic.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Joe shushed and squeezed you and you mentally kicked yourself for even attempting to deprive yourself from this for weeks.

This was nice. This certainty of safety. Of zero judgement. Zero questions.

Why were you so upset?

It left you shaking.

Joe fucking loved it.

“It’s just my dad,” Joe said, and you couldn’t help the laugh that startled out of you. He said it like he was reassuring you that his dad didn’t bite, but you understood he meant his dad wasn’t going to be weird about what he’d just witnessed. Wasn’t going to mention how you’d just made a fool of yourself.

You turned your head to press your forehead into the hollow of Joe’s neck, rubbed your skin across his and took a second to just breathe. To stick your nose into the dip between his collarbones and to inhale him. To really feel Joe.

And Joe was never the first to pull away.

But his dad was making pizza in the kitchen still.

The longer you’d be gone, the higher the chance of an explanation needed.

“Tell you what,” Joe said after a bit. “You take a minute, clean this pigsty,–” Joe felt you were about to pull back, likely to argue him, so he didn’t leave any room as he quickly continued, “It’s so messy in here, I can’t even see the floor, and then, once you’re finished, in like, half an hour,–” you fully tried pulling out of Joe’s grasp now as you laughed, but he’d really locked his arm in, keeping you in place, still squished against his front. It turned into a playful wrestle to get free as you tried to pry your hands in between the two of you. “When you’ll have managed maybe tidy half of it, we’ll have dinner ready.”

Joe finally let go, and you pinched him in the side for his jokes.

Made him flinch and yelp, and it only made you smile wider.

Your room was hardly a mess.

“I’ll make an extra large pizza with the– with everything on that we can share.”

Fuck off, that made you pout.

“Stop, don’t cry. It’s just because my dad wants bean curd on his, so he has to do his own.”

“Oh, ew,” you grimaced, and Joe made big eyes in agreement as he nodded.

“Bean curd doesn’t count as everything,”

“Bean curd doesn’t even count as food.”

And just like that; you were normal flatmates again.

One just desperately needed a cuddle and the other desperately wanted to give one.

You didn’t need to talk about why.

Didn’t need to explain yourselves.

It just was what it was.

Joe gave your shoulders a last squeeze and left you alone in your bedroom. Pretended to trip on mess on his way out, and you checked, but there was nothing there.

Just before Joe found himself back in his kitchen where his dad was cutting up tofu, he silently celebrated how you hadn’t said thank you this time.

The universe felt restored.

Joe casually told his father that you were half asleep still when you’d walked in a minute ago. And his dad didn’t ask questions. Just asked if he could pass him the shredded cheese.

Having dinner together was fine. You mostly listened to the conversations between the two of them. Chimed in with an opinion when asked. Gave Joe a look when he silently ate all the smaller slices he’d cut, leaving you the larger ones, ensuring you got more than plenty seeing as you’d not eaten since breakfast. He even left you his bits of crust, because Joe knew how you always saved your own until the end so you could eat them with some sauce you dipped them into.

Joe fed you and cared for you and you tried you best ignoring how that made you feel inside of your chest, because you were just normal friendly flatmates and his father was literally right there.

About an hour later, when his dad was on his way out, you heard him ask Joe if he had any plans for the evening. It was Saturday night. You forgot people often had exciting plans on Saturday night.

For a single second, you prayed Joe didn’t have any plans as you selfishly felt you were due some falling asleep in his arms on the sofa.

Then you heard him say, “Horror film, I think,” before the two of them fell into too long a conversation about which films they’d seen over the past couple of weeks. And had Joe seen this film already? Because he’d heard good things. Um, no, he hadn’t. Not Yet. Ah, but he was going to a screening on Wednesday, Joe should join him. And, yea, he’d check his schedule, would let him know, because that sounded like fun.

You were cleaning the kitchen, wiping down the counters, when Joe finally said goodbye to his father and shut the door behind him. You heard how he locked it properly before he joined you again.

Joe didn’t ask if you wanted to watch a scary film with him. Just turned on the TV and found the one he wanted to watch.

Didn’t ask if you wanted a fat glass of red wine. Just poured two and placed them on the coffee table.

He didn’t have to call you over, didn’t have to motion at where to sit, and didn’t have to ask to share the blanket. You were already there, sat down right beside him and covered the two of you with the cosiest throw blanket you owned.

All unsaid.

All perfectly executed.

You weren’t the best at enjoying horror flicks. You were too easily scared, the suspense too difficult for you to handle, but it was fine. Joe was there. And you’d probably hardly get to see any of it, you knew.

Joe knew too.

If not the lack of sleep, the carbs of the pizza and the smooth glass of red would probably get you to drift off in no time.

With your glass in your hand, arm curled in to let it rest against your cheek, Joe invited you to let all your weight slump into his shoulder. He nursed his own glass in his lap as the film started, and you glued your gazes to the TV.

Your eyes were already kind of heavy, but you loved the shared warmth and gentle embrace too much to let yourself fall asleep so easily. You wanted to consciously exist in it for as long as you could, tonight. So you put some real effort into getting into the film, knowing that if it managed to get you hooked, staying awake wouldn’t become a huge chore. Especially with its genre.

But it kind of became a huge chore, anyway.

And you swore there were moments where you could feel Joe’s eyes on you, but when you chanced a quick peek, he was watching the TV, his head inclined to yours ever so slightly.

Maybe that was just the uneasy feeling that the scary film gave you then. Not Joe watching you.

You ignored how that disappointed you slightly.

It didn’t take long for your eyes to grow too heavy to keep open, and after really giving it your best try to fight it, you gave yourself over to what your body wanted. Closed your eyes and turned your nose into Joe’s arm.

Joe smelled like he always smelled.

You couldn’t really describe it, but it was distinctly him.

After a few minutes of teetering on the edge, you felt Joe take the glass of red from your grasp. You wanted to open your eyes, to apologise for nearly falling asleep whilst snuggled up under a cream-coloured throw blanket, but your eyes were heavier than anticipated.

You only managed a small murmur of sound. A little hum to let Joe know.

Your body moved as Joe leant forward to place both glasses onto the coffee table before he sat back, and in your hazy state, you let Joe help you get comfortable again. You felt how his hand slid under your elbow to curl around your arm, rubbing down the curve of it, until it reached your wrist. There, his fingers wrapped around and held on.

Not quite holding hands, but something close.

You dug your face further into his bicep, feeling the contour of it under your cheek and Joe slowly dropped his head on top of yours.

The last thing you remembered hearing were some gory slashing sounds accompanied with loud female screaming coming from the TV.

The last thing you remembered feeling was Joe’s breath that tickled a strand of your hair against your temple.

Yea.

You could just stay there forever.

Fuck rational thought and sensible life choices. They were quickly abandoned and could stay abandoned for all you cared.

Especially when you, what felt like hours later, roused awake a little when two arms lifted you from the sofa. When a voice softly shushed you, even though you made no sound. When an elbow switched off the lights, and when carefully measure footsteps carried you over into bed.

Into Joe’s bed.

You weren’t alert enough to pay attention to Joe’s turns. Hadn’t sensed where Joe was taking you from just his movements.

But the overwhelming scent as you were placed down onto a mattress told you all you needed to know.

With your eyes still closed, your arms searched for Joe across the bed, and you let out a soft whine when you couldn’t find him.

Joe was as quick as he could be.

Rushed around the bed and slid under the covers right into your awaiting arms.

You shifted until you fit together just right.

Comfortably wrapped up, legs wedged in between other legs, arms nudged into crooks of necks and circled around waists. Nose to nose, this time. Close. Sharing breath.

When Joe accidentally bumped his nose against yours, it startled him slightly.

Maybe that was too close.

But then you did something you’d never done before and you nuzzled. Let your noses slide together until those too fit together just right.

Joe knew he shouldn’t think of next steps. Of forward ones. Steps that moved whatever was happening between the two of you along.

But, fuck it.

Tell him how he couldn’t.

Look at how fucking close you were.

And sure, you were just flatmates who did this sometimes. It didn’t have to mean anything, because it hadn’t really meant anything so far.

And yet...

Joe opened a careful eye to steal one last look before he’d let himself drift off, and even though he looked at you with eyes all out of focus, the sight of you made things grow behind his ribs.

He was going to stop pretending this was normal, he promised himself.

Because all of it did mean something.

This carried meaning.

Carried colossal meaning.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @bylermaxmayfield, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma77645, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @miserybeans, @munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[archangeldyke-all]

idk why but i feel like sev has a mommy kink in the sense of like...calling her sub mommy. i just imagine reader like comes home from a stressful day at work and sev is just doting and rubbing on them like "lemme take care of you, mommy, i got you..."

and then later when she's balls deep in you with her strap and she's got that FUCKING VOICE in your ear like "yeah? feels good? talk to me, mommy, tell me more about your day so i can make it better" ahshajshjamsnmnasbhnnggggg im foaming at the mouth and biting at the bars of my enclosure rn~

ANON ANPasdjfs;ljANPN I'asdl;kf;ajsd fqpwoijefpoiqhwer; ofijq;lkdsjf;lsqkdjf ANON.

do you have an IQ of a million maybe? becaue i think you mihgt. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. you've unlocked something in me and i'll never be the same...

men and minors dni

it starts as a joke! or at least, that's what you think.

a few months into your relationship, sevika starts teasingly calling you 'mommy.'

it starts casually.

she'll show up at your door to pick you up for a date and whistle as she takes in your outfit. "damn, mommy, you look good enough to eat." she'll say. you just roll your eyes and kiss her hello.

or sometimes when she's annoying you and you're pouting at her, fishing for an apology, she'll grin at you and swoop in to kiss you. "'m sorry, mommy." she whispers against your lips. "you're just so cute when you're angry."

the first time it slips out in the bedroom, sevika's got you face down, ass up, pounding into you with loud, sticky, wet, smacks, as you moan into the mattress beneath you.

"'y take me so fuckin' well, honey, you're fucking dripping. shit, mommy, 's it feel good?" she grunts.

there's a moment of awkward silence where sevika's thrusts stutter as her mind catches up to her mouth and your breath leaves your lungs, but then you whine so sweetly and so prettily that sevika mentally puts 'mommy' at the top of her pet name list, right underneath 'baby' and 'honey.'

you know you're in for the dicking of your life when sevika starts sweetly calling you mommy.

she usually reserves it for when you need some extra loving, when she's trying to take care of you.

if you wake up with a stuffy nose and sore throat, sevika's cooing at you as she hand feeds you soup.

"lemme take care of you, mommy." she whispers. "all you gotta do is lay there and look pretty, i'll take care of everything else." she says as she puts the bowl down on the night stand and starts kissing down your body. "i heard orgasms help clear the sinuses, or something." she mumbles as she helps you out of your jammies.

she'll fuck you until you pass out, and when you wake up, she'll feed you more soup and tea and medicine, before fucking you back to sleep again.

or if you're having a rough week at work, sevika will draw you a bath and let you relax while she pours you a big glass of wine. she sits on the toilet and watches you soak, listening to you bitch about your boss.

"'m sorry." you grunt out at one point. "i'm being a spiteful bitch."

sevika chuckles and presses a kiss to your head.

"you're a saint. i'd have killed him by now if he was my boss. plus, i like seeing you all worked up and angry, mommy. kinda gets me goin'." she says with a cheeky smile.

an hour later, she's got you in a mating press, shoving her tongue down her throat when she's not busy talking to you.

"there you go, mommy, imma fuck all the stress outta you. you're so fuckin' perfect. so good." she grunts.

you whimper underneath her.

"yeah? 's feel good?" she asks with a grin. you gasp and nod, your nails scratching your nails down her back as you start to spasm beneath her. she leans down to peck your lips before speaking in your ear, her raspy, sexy voice practically a growl as she speaks, "cum on this cock, mommy. 's all yours."

you do.

(and then you do again, when she flips you over to fuck you doggy, and then one more time when she cleans up her mess with her mouth.)

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity

[sixstepsaway]

right, so, here are my Thoughts about that whole thing now i've slept on it. probably won't be super coherent but here we go

i feel bad for stede. he got shoved, somehow, into the weird love interest role so many female characters find themselves in, where they are truly completed by a man and a romance not the things they've been striving for throughout the series so far. he's shown no sign of wanting to give up the pirate lifestyle he's just finally got back, and to accompany him giving that up with izzy's gorgeous "piracy is about family and somewhere to belong" speech from earlier just feels cruel. we joke about how episode 2 stede wouldn't care if lucius died but that changed, he got attached, his crew became his family. they were loyal to him and followed him even when they were just working at spanish jackie's for pennies. they respected him and loved him enough to let him talk them into letting ed back on board. this was, at least at this point in stede's arc, his happy ending. in fact, you can even argue he was happy without ed for a while at the start of this episode. his relationship with ed is important and it's icing on the cake, but it isn't something to complete him, or his only source of happiness -- nor should it be!!! and then for some reason ed shows back up, fishes up his leathers, kicks ass to save him, loses izzy and now they're leaving stede's ship and crew and found family to... run an inn made out of the world's shittiest fixer-upper? stede? stede twirly fancypants bonnett??? in that place? maybe at the end of a full run this might have felt like a good conclusion to his story, him realizing he wanted belonging, not necessarily to be a pirate, and maybe them bringing some of crew along to have their home somewhere safer and happier than the piracy they don't really enjoy but turn to because they have no other choice, but right now it just feels like... honestly like either he agreed to it to keep ed with him ("AITA for convincing my boyfriend to run an inn with me after leaving him two days ago because we were moving too fast? little backstory: this involved my boyfriend leaving everything in his life for me and no i did not apologize for running off to become a fisherman") or like, as i said up there, a matter of "actually all he needed was a BOYFRIEND all along" which... ngh. stede is more than his relationship.

idk why we bothered establishing that frenchie, jim and even archie were willing to put their lives on the line and lie to ed's murderous face to save izzy's life just for them to be stone-faced and have no feelings about his loss. like, okay, ed and he's stories are tied together and him dying in ed's arms makes more sense narratively than him dying in anyone else's, but also ed hadn't earned that and izzy deserved to die in the arms of someone who hadn't tried to kill him and shot him in the leg not to mention we went from fang's squishy hug and frenchie holding his hand to just... nothing? not a thing? roach, the ship's surgeon, did nothing to try and save him? it's just ed slapping his gunshot wound pathetically?

it strongly feels like they swapped izzy and ed's roles in his death scene sounds stupid but hear me out "you're my only family" would make so much more sense coming from izzy with ed dying in his arms. izzy's desperation to keep hold of ed, right down to accidentally pushing him down the kraken path at the end of season 1, being rooted in the feeling that ed is all he has in the world? ed responding that no, the crew love izzy. he's earned their love. he has a family outside of ed now, can't he see that? that makes so much more sense, considering izzy nearly died for them multiple times and spent the first few episodes trying to protect them and then being protected by them in kind he was their new unicorn!!! meanwhile ed said sorry to fang, izzy and lucius, and no one else has been shown to give any fucks about him since that whole thing, and like... rightly so? because he hadn't earned them back at all? and he fucked off on them too last episode lol dont forget he didnt JUST leave stede

we should have known better than to trust djenks when he broke jim and olu up for no reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk

nothing worth a damn happened this episode it was all running around and waving swords. idk how anyone got to where they were at the end. it was just poor writing.

the pacing has been off all season but they really shoved three episodes into one and hoped it'd work

i'm getting flashbacks to the timeless ~finale~ ugh

they spent so much time one ed's stupid fishing boat monologue instead of on ANYTHING ELSE

i ran out of thoughts

oh, here's another: the show walked a line between muppetry and things that were taken seriously lucius' finger, izzy's toes: serious ed getting bonked by a cannonball: emotionally serious, but not physically serious ed and stede both getting stabbed: not serious and what was treated as serious and what was treated as handwavy was dictated by what the storyline and the emotional needs were izzy getting shot to make it so they all had to run away yapping would have been hilarious, especially if he got back to the ship and went "nah eddie it's my left side, remember what i told you about the left? nothing important on the left" "your liver" <- roach, horrified but instead weird death scene because this was treated as physically serious, even though it...should not have been, really? and that is bothering me a lot too, because when lucius was thrown to his death, we looked at stede finding the crew on the island and went, "aha! lucius will be fine, because that's what the show logic is" and we were right, because the show had taught us that but that didn't extend to izzy for this and that's just weird

[kaddyssammlung]

Take Me Back To Eden - Analysis

TW: I bring up "attempts" a few times

"I dream in phosphorescence"

It makes me think about the light they have in hospitals for some reason.

"Bleed through spaces"

This just feels sad and it makes me think about what happened. I have a guess what I don't feel like taking guesses when it comes to a potential su*cide attempt. "See you drifting past the fog"

Maybe a vision that he has or a dream? "But no one told you where to go"

That's so true. I really feel this. No one really tells you where to go. You get sent on this planet and then what....at least that's what this feel like sometimes for me.

I just feel this.

"We dive through crystal waters, perfect oceans But no one told me not to breathe"

Reminds me of taking a bite from the forbidden tree with the apples on it. That story about Adam and Eve from the Bible. It's all so perfect but you are not allowed to do something and then you forget about that and then some sort of downfall begins. "And now the weightlessness recedes"

What I just said.

"My, my, those eyes like fire I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre"

This just shows how fragile he is. "Come now, bite through these wires I'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired"

I think he is in waking hell. It's one of those where you can't be sure what he is really singing. But I can relate to that feeling. "Reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher"

Patient violence....what do you want to me to say about this.?! Nothing really...just nothing.

A pathway higher...something coming from a higher consciousness? "Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire"

I have nothing to add to this. The reason why I like this is becaue it makes me think about "Jaws" and also about "The Offering". I know you've got a taste so take a bite of me. Grow back your teeth: I need you! Now! That's what this makes me think of.

"I will travel far beyond the path of reason Take me back to Eden"

To me Eden is a state that humanity once had but then lost. A state of abundance and harmony. I would like to go back to this. But in my understanding about ascension we are going back to this as we speak.

"Well yeah, I spit blood when I wake up"

Hospital scene? "Sink porcelain stained, choking up brain matter and makeup"

The aftermath of an "attempt" or maybe something else? Idk. Makes me think about someone taking an OD but well....don't want to talk about this too much.

"Just two days since the mainframe went down and I'm still messed up"

What I just said.

"Room feels like a meat freezer, I dangle in it like cold cuts"

Reminds again of myself waking up in hospital. It was horrible (when that happend to me). Trapped and kind of tied down to a bed and so many questions from the humans around me. Just horrible. And also that picture that he creates by saying "like cold cuts". It just sounds horrible.

"Missed calls, answered phones from people I just don't trust Mirror talk, fake love But I'll take a pound of your flesh Before you take a piece of my paystub"

I am aware of some rumours floating around on this one. But I won't tell them. It's the only thing that I have on this...

Maybe you can see this in a symbolic way? “You don't get sh*t from me” something like that.

"White roses, black doves, Godmother, rise up I need you to see me for what I have become"

I always Godmother rush up and not rise up but...one of those again.

Well Vessel I don't think you owe anything to anyone and if anything I connect Godmother with something that does not judge. So she won't judge you for what you have done.

"That we've no idea what we've got until we lose it"

This is just so true. In a wider sense just as much as in a smaller sense. That "Eden state" that we "lost". We did not know but we know now. Oh wait. I did not know but I know now.

"And no amount of love will keep it around If we don't choose it"

Indeed. Any relationship is work. You need to put effort into it in order for it to work.

"And I don't know what's got its teeth in me But I'm about to bite back in anger"

It's good that you're going to defend yourself, Vessel.

"No amount of self-sought fury Will bring back the glory of innocence"

This speaks for itself.

You can also see this “Eden state” as a state of innocence.

I don't even want to put more thought into this....

[gayerthanevertbh]

say your prayers - two.

pairings | dark!priestess!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary : your school have church service once a week. of course, as a good little schoolgirl you are, you attend to it. which means you always have to see your priestess, natasha, who you are secretly infatuated with. until there was an unexpected turn that made you feel something else other than good. but maybe, even better.

warnings : smut/dark taboo themes - 18+ MINORS DNI. non-con/dub-con, religious themes, blasphemous acts, sacrilegious acts, biblical references, heavy sexual content, rough sex, rough fingering (r receiving), mother kink, non-con kink (natasha giving), age difference (reader is 18 and natasha is 41), corruption kink, teasing, begging, authority kink, and more.

notes : this chapter feels shorts but it’ll get worse by the next chapter, so please be ready or smth lol idk enjoy x

series masterlist | navigation | taglist for this series

It had been officially a week since it was the last time that Mother Natasha touched me, and used me like a brothel. I could still remember her tongue devouring my mouth like she was a hungry teenager in heat–I don’t even know why I’m explaining it that way, I have never had that experience. I’m safe to say that I lost my virginity to my priestess, which should have never happened in the first place. Her hands were everywhere on my body, I could still remember her voice saying: be a good little lamb. I wanted to hate her for touching me, hate her for using me with no permission. I wanted to bang my head against the wall until it bleeds–until I die with shame.

I loved every bit of it. I love her hands, I love her tongue, and I love her use of words that made me have an extreme climax around her thick fingers. I love how she saw me as this saint that she had to ruin, that needs to be ruined by her and only her. I might be deeply infatuated, was it that bad? Was it that bad that I needed her to kiss me again? I could imagine her hands on my buttocks as she slaps it while kneading it with care, with possession that compels her. I could hear her saying: you’re such a good little saint, my child. Mother is so proud of you inside of my head and it makes my core wet, desperate and aroused.

I’ll be such a good child for her, I’ll recite my prayers while her wet lips are on my stomach–her hands groping my ass. I’ll do anything for her, I’ll kill myself for her. I’ll be on my knees in front of everyone for her, I’ll let her dominate me for as long as she wants. I want her to do everything on her willpower on me, I want her just as much as she wants me. I’ll be a good child, I’ll try to be one just for her.

I was so fazed with my imagination that I could feel Wanda’s elbow shoving against mine to wake me up. She hissed, “You’ve been staring at your book for five minutes. Have you not heard what Mrs. Wilson said? You’re a little weird lately.”

No I didn’t hear what she had said. Do I intend to care? I try to.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and flipped my page to a new sheet of paper. “W-what did she say?”

“Jesus, what have you been thinking?”

“It’s none of your business.”

She hears my voice starting to sound not so light and I could see how her body tensed from the unnecessary tone. Wanda sighed and asked again to my own dismay, “You’re usually not like this. You pay attention most of the time, what happened? Did someone–”

“Why are you in my nerves lately?” I could take that back, I shouldn’t have been bitter towards her. But I was so into my imagination that she had to ruin it for me. She blinks twice and shakes her head, leaning her right cheek against her palm as I hear her telling me that I should forget about it with a mumble. I didn’t say anything much after that response, I just continued to get into that trance again where I could feel Mother Natasha’s hand trailing upwards on my inner leg.

When lunch time came around, I was sitting at a big table–full of my classmates from the main room. Wanda and I weren’t talking much, probably because I snapped at her and she probably meant no harm to disturb me. But she was right, I wasn’t the same for a few days. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t stop crying at night with what happened. I don’t know if it was a tear of happiness or fright but either way, I wanted her to touch me so bad that I could mewl out her name multiple times. I wanted her to use me again, to make me her whore. Whore. It’s a strange word to use for an innocent girl like me, should I even say that such word? I jabbed my fork into the vegetables and shoved it in my mouth, keeping my eyes down.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” asked Wanda with a timid voice. I was thankful that she spoke up, I couldn’t get on my day without even speaking to her. I shake my head and bite the inside of my cheek as I try to think of an apology to say. Hey, I’m sorry it’s just that I can’t stop thinking about my priestess having sex with me. Or I’m sorry, it’s just that I can’t stop being a whore for an older woman. Those weren’t the sentences that I want to use or ever to say, knowing Wanda–she might react badly about it and report it to the principal. If she did, everyone would get involved; including my parents.

“Of course I will,” I responded with a cheeky smile. “I’m sorry for snapping at you a while ago. It’s just that I’m on my period.” I was lying through my teeth, my period comes in a week. But I’m feeling a little bloated than I was yesterday, so I guess that was also not a lie that I’m on my period.

“I got worried,” Wanda said while drinking from her glass. “You just seemed so quiet, that’s all. I mean, you’re always quiet. But for the past few days, I’m seeing you so differently.”

“What makes me so different? I haven’t changed or anything.”

“Yeah, I know that,” she sighed as she prompts her elbow against the table. “You just haven’t been the same, that’s all. Did something happen? Did your mom tell you to give away your gadgets again?”

“That’s not the reason,” I answered with a blink. “Sorry–I have been just feeling a little tired, that’s all.”

Wanda gives me a skeptical look as if she can’t believe fy response. But she decided to keep quiet and nodded slowly while she took another bite from her food. The food tasted disgusting, I wish I could eat at some local fast food restaurant to ease my appetite. A wealthy school like this can’t even feed us, children, some good dishes.

                                                       —

I was sitting in the front row of the chapel once again when I saw Mother Natasha walking from the backdoor with a whimsical smile on her face. She looked pleased, not tired. I wanted her to look at me, to see me standing right in front of her–even though I’m a little far–but either way, I wanted her to set her eyes on mine and just gape at how beautiful my body was as she told me that night. But her eyes were never averted to me–instead, she kept her green eyes to the crowd and said her prayers before the ceremony started.

While the service was happening, I couldn’t stop thinking about my teacher offering me to the choir. I could say that I sing, but not professionally or in a profound way. I have tone, but not to the extent where I could sing for a living. And at first, I wanted to turn it down since I’m afraid of the people who could give me a judging and disgusting look, but that means I get to be closer to Mother Natasha if that’s the case. I thought about it long and hard, the imagination of standing in front of her while her eyes are fixated on my covered legs; wondering to herself if she could touch the bare of my skin, just a little touch.

That thought completely went away when Natasha looked at me. But it was only brief, say only for one second before she looked at someone else again. My stomach was fluttering with joy and anticipation, I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m very attracted to her and wanting to know if she feels the same is becoming a thrill for me. Like, it has become a chase. I keep thinking about those dirty words she told me that night. I was her little lamb, I was her child. She licked me and touched me, kissing my lips like I was her lover. Oh, how pure was I before she came into my life, and now I’m dirty because of her. And I do love it of course.

“On Exodus 20:14, thou shalt not commit adultery,” Mother Natasha explained while her eyes are looking at everyone in the crowd. She then looks back at me but only for her to give me a small smile that was almost unnoticeable–but I caught her lips. She was smirking, a little though. “Committing a sin like this can haunt you and be with you forever. It is also not a good sight of the Lord…”

Once the service ended, we all stood up, and as much as to my dismay–I had to stand up as well. I pulled up my high white socks and clung my Bible to my chest as I walked down the aisle of the church, having the strength of not to turn back to see if Mother Natasha was behind me. But as that thought ran through my head, a familiar voice called out my name, and within a matter of seconds; I turned around.

Mother Natasha was calling me. She had a solemn look on her face–that she surprisingly didn’t use when we had sex–and I couldn’t do anything but step forward at her, my hair brushing against my shoulder until I was close enough to the priestess. I gulped at her tall sight, she looked so ethereal yet dangerous. Like she’s that kind of person you wouldn’t trust when it comes to secrets and all that. But never her, I’ll never repent from her.

“Let us talk privately,” she kindly offered; which sent chilling feelings down my spine. Then she whispers, “I want to talk to you, I’ve been mean to.”

Then without even saying a word, I felt her hand squeezing my biceps gently with a kind smile on her face. But I know behind that smile are her devilish thoughts that she wants to do to me, her fantasies that she wants to fulfill once she finally gets to have me on her lap. I know, I can tell. She’s not so innocent after all, and I wasn’t too. I followed her to another building and realized where we were going. It’s either her room or her office, do priestesses have an office anyway? I could feel my legs weaken from each step that I take, what will she do to me next? Will she kiss me once again? Will she touch me like how she did that night? A lot of possibilities swirl all over my head as if it was a wine and I might as well get drunk from it. I needed to know her intentions.

She opens the door quietly and I walk inside timidly. I felt the cold air hit my skin as I looked around the small room around me. There was a single bed on the left with a desk on the right. Then, I see a big cross on the wall that was above that table. This was her room, I knew from the start that this would be our destination. I turned around and asked quietly, “Is this where you really sleep?”

She gives me a faint chuckle and pats my lower back with a smirk. “No, my child. I have my own house, I only stay here if there is important stuff at the ministry.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Of course, you don’t,” she humored while she guided me to her bed with a cotton white sheet that was sprawled onto the mattress. I sat down on the edge and she did as well and I could feel her stare at my clasped hands on my lap. “There are many things you don’t know about me, little lamb.”

“Like?” I wish I could shut up, but I was so curious that I wanted to know everything about her. Instead, she smiles again and it gives me some sort of relief.

“I want to do many things that are so unholy and provoked,” her deep voice sent tingling feeling down my arms all the way to my legs that I had to clench them shut. She notices the act and smirks wider with her hand on my shoulder, resting it there casually. “Do you like what we did that night?”

“Yes,” I said with a shuddering whisper. I can’t deny that, I loved our encounter that night. I heard her chuckle a bit and felt her hand going down on my ribs–then to my waist pulling me closer. Fuck, no I can’t.

“Do you know how much I liked it?”

I shook my head in response, not really knowing if she did. She smiles again, but this time you would know it was from the devil.

“I really loved it,” she exhales in my ear as she tucks a strand of my hair and tucks it away with her lips ghosting in my earlobe. “I loved it so much that you’re the only girl I think about. Did you know that, baby?”

I pretend not to know but I had the feeling that she thought about me as well as I thought about her. I felt myself gulping again as her hand never leaves my body, now her fingers were just fidgeting my school uniform–her mouth so close to mine that if I turned my face our lips would touch. I shake my head and let her continue to play with my clothing.

“You’re so pretty it’s almost mesmerizing,” her voice sounded so dreamy but deep, her eyes looked so innocent but daunting. She pulled me very close until her other hand was now on my neck holding me like a baby. “Did you know I had to wait until you turned eighteen? Of course, you didn’t, you’re too dumb to know right?”

She loved making me feel dumb, especially with her teasing tone that makes my core even warmer than it was. She speaks again but this time she was moaning quietly in my ear, “I want to fuck you until you couldn’t breathe anymore until you’re begging me to stop. I want to touch you inappropriately that you’d push me away, I don’t want you to think I’m some angel and a good person. I want you to be terrified of me, to feel unsafe when I’m around. I want to touch you without your consent and make you cum around my fingers. I want to hurt you, my child. I want to fucking hurt you.”

I was breathing so hard that you could hear it from my mouth, you could see how my chest was heaving as her hand inches closer under my skirt until I realized how perverted she was. Mother Natasha never stopped touching me, her other hand was above my breast, and gropes it with a groan. I felt my inner thigh being touched by her sinful hand and I pushed it away–I did it because it felt all too real and too fast.

“Wait–Mother Natasha, I–”

“Shh,” she shushes me as her lips are now connected to mine. I could feel her tongue pushing inside of my mouth and my tongue glided against hers, it was a sloppy wet kiss with her hands holding me down. It was a small kiss until our mouths were becoming hungry for each other; most especially for her. She pulls away with her teeth biting against my lower lip and opens my legs with just one push of her hand. That’s how much she compels me, that’s how much I want her to hurt me.

She unbuttons my white blouse and throws it across the room, whispering a different language to herself once my white cotton bra was finally exposed. Mother Natasha looked at me briefly, then back to my breasts. It was supple, but not big. She liked it in normal size, not too big and small. And mine was perfect for her touch, for her eyes. I tried touching her but my hands were suddenly pinned against the mattress as my back made contact with the sheets.

“You belong to me.” she says with a demeaning voice; with authority. Like I was her property to keep. Her hands went under my skirt and I felt my covered clit being palmed with her rough hand–I gasped with a whine. She was touching me with desperation, she wanted me to be scared of her. And genuinely, I think I was since I don’t know what she is capable of.

“I belong to you,” I breathed out while licking my lips as her hand continued to grope my cunt like it was a piece of ass. It was starting to hurt, but I never complained. “I belong to you, Mother.”

I felt her other hand squeezing my left breast with force as I was quick enough to bite my lip. If I made a shriek, everyone would find out. I can’t make a scene, I can’t let her be in trouble. Her eyes filled with some sort of rage that I cannot comprehend until I felt a sharp sting from my right inner thigh. She slapped me, and I was horrified.

“Don’t you look at me like that,” she said with a nonchalant voice while removing her clerical collar and adding with another deep whisper, “Do not fucking scream. I’m going to hurt you real bad once you even make a sound, okay? Let Mother fuck you, I promise I’ll be really good to your body.”

She reaches for the hem of my panties and roughly pulls it down, bringing the cloth to her nose as she inhales it deeply. How perverted she was when she did it in front of me as if she was hungry for my underwear. She placed the undergarment on the other side of the mattress carefully and paid attention back to me with some of her hair framing her face. Mother Natasha spreads my legs open and sets her body weight on top of me, her head was in the crook of my neck. She licks my skin and bites it even until I was trying my best not to make a loud scream. I was crying, sobbing in fact. It hurt a lot when she was rough with me, but I was so turned on that I let her do everything she wanted.

“I’m gonna hurt you,” she says breathlessly while spitting on her hand to lube her fingers. God, her fingers were frighteningly long–I could feel my insides clenching hard. “The Lord shall forgive your sins once I bury my fingers inside of you, ruining you until you’re ripped in half. No boy will ever fuck you because you’re used, like a toy. Be glad that an experienced woman like me is taking you so perfectly well. You know that.”

She was more experienced than I was, but she wasn’t delicate either. She continues to lick my neck while smearing her spit all over her fingers before she could tease my clenching hole. I gasped with the touch, I wanted to push her away and let me feel things slowly. But everything went on so fast that I can’t even process her mouth on my skin and my lips. My hands were on both of her arms as she presses herself even harder onto my small body, her eyes trying to catch mine.

“Mother, I can’t breathe–” my breath hitches when I felt her tongue licking my upper lip as I felt two fingers dipping inside of me without permission. I wanted to scream, push her away maybe, but I was so lost with the pleasure of the fantasy that she was offering. “Oh god! Ugh please…”

“Quiet,” Mother Natasha gives me harsh kisses on my neck as she pushes more of her fingers inside of my inexperience hole that she took that night. I felt very tight, I could still feel myself breaking apart because of her. Was it even healthy that I was hurting from the way her fingers pushed inside of me? “Take it like a good little lamb you are, my beautiful child. That’s it… Take it.”

She was groaning in frustration and slapped my left cheek hard as I tried to push her away. When she smacked me, I stayed in my place. I was scared–terrified even. But there’s something inside of me that wanted her to hurt me, my body was responding to the way she pounds her fingers inside of me with no care in the world. Her eyes were fixated on me and I could see how much she wanted to see me hurt. And with that red puff mark on my cheek, her arousal just got even worse.

“Beg me to stop,” she whispered harshly and curled her fingers to hit my spot in a violent way. I was a trembling mess, I wanted to grip onto something but my hands couldn’t even move from her fucking. She pumps into me with a grunt that comes within her; green eyes still staring down at mine. I shut my eyes tightly as I could feel warm tears coming out from my lids. She commanded with a deep voice, “Beg me to stop hurting you. Fuck–you fucking turn me on, Y/N.”

“S-stop, please–Mmph!–please stop,” I gave her what she wanted. I mewled and cried for her to stop, she wasn’t halting. Instead, an evident smirk wrinkled her lips. “Mother, please stop… you’re hurting me.”

“That’s the point, detka,” she groans again and places her other hand on my shoulder to pin me down harder against her cold bed; the frame itself squeaking because at how hard she was thrusting inside of me hard. “I want you to tell the Lord that you are a sinful little girl that wants to be fucked by her priestess.”

One. “Forgive me f-father,” I stuttered as I continued to sob over the pain and the pleasure that I was feeling all over my body; in the course of my veins. “For I have sinned–I’m a sinful girl that likes to be handled by her priestess.”

“Yeah?” she asked with a faint smile and added another finger until my warm walls gripped on her thick fingers tightly. She whispers, “God, you are tight. You are my beautiful daughter, my beautiful child. You like me doing this to you, don’t you little lamb? Oh fuck, I’m close.”

She gave me three more thrusts before I came around her fingers with my lower back arching like a pornographic woman that you would see online. I was ecstatic, I felt immense pleasure going through my blood stream as if it was about to become my religion. She looks at me in awe and realizes that she was coming from her orgasm too. She had her covered cunt on my knees all along, and I didn’t even know she was thrusting my thigh. She starts to grip my throat hard and pushes me down onto the mattress–making me choke. That’s what she was trying to do, anyway. Her eyes and her smirk are evident with her hand gripping my neck tightly.

Mother Natasha had given me two more rough sexes until I felt her naked body against mine, in the same bed together. It has been a little dark since I came here, so I’m assuming it is terribly late now. Did I care that I will get in trouble for coming back at midnight? No, not really. I was so in love with the way she fucked me with her fingers, her tongue all over my skin–especially my nipples. She was a hungry animal, a hungry snake. I was the forbidden fruit that she had discovered and now we are doing something so blasphemous that I’m not even ashamed of myself.

I hear her whispering, “You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“Have you touched girls like this before?” I couldn’t help but ask, feeling my heart sinking a bit from my sudden question. Her eyes were cold then suddenly they softened as she neared her body to me, as if she wanted to bring me closer. She shakes her head dismissively and cups my right cheek, rubbing her thumb against my skin with care. This was a version of Mother Natasha that I’ve never seen before–I almost thought that it wasn’t real.

“I have,” she admitted. “But you’re different. I’ve always set my eyes on you, I always have. It’s just that it took you time to notice that.”

“But I’ve always had a crush on you,” I say wholeheartedly. I could catch her smiling from my response. “I-I always stare at you and sometimes would think about you a lot. Like, I’d write stuff about you in my journal and write weird scenarios–you know what, this is getting weird.”

She shakes her head and laughs softly, pulling me closer to her naked body–my head resting against her chest so that I could feel and hear her heartbeat against my ear. I realized how incredibly warm she was and even though she was rough with me, Mother Natasha seemed like a very gentle person to be cuddled with. I felt her kissing my head with a reply: “I thought about that too, little lamb. You have no idea how much I wanted you to notice me.”

“Well, I do now. And I’m scared that I’ll feel more.”

“It’s okay to feel more,” Mother Natasha encourages and trails her fingers up and down on my small biceps as she kisses my head repeatedly. “I’m not going to push you away or anything. In fact, I do want to explore more naughty things with you.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Using my cock to break you in,” she says with a sultry voice that strikes down at my core. I could feel myself clenching again with the thought. “Pouring wax all over your body. You know, that kind of stuff. Most especially, I want you to recite the whole verse while I eat your little pussy out. Isn’t that thrilling, my angel? It’s like we’re breaking rules.”

We were, in fact, breaking rules. This has become beyond more than just sex for me, I might grow emotionally attached to my priestess. But was I even allowed to do it? I don’t know, I was merely confused myself. I didn’t let that get into my head and let myself succumb to the warmness of her body–wondering how it would feel like if we were completely alone and not in this school where we could be caught.

I felt naughty with her, I felt like a sinful child whenever I was with her. And did that make me look like a sick person? It’s possible, maybe I was just as sick as her. I felt my body running cold and my head fuzzy with the thought of us being caught by one of my schoolmates or teachers.

“Don’t fret, my little girl,” she coos and brings my chin up to kiss my lips; my lower stomach flutters with how her lips settle into mine. “I’ll take good care of you, I promise. We won’t get caught, as long as you keep this a secret. Just between you and me, okay?”

I sighed and nodded, pecking her lips one more time.

“Understood, Mother Natasha.”

“Good girl.”

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[strangerfigs]

“you’re just upset because you’re delusional.” - no! like literally majorly I’m upset that will’s feelings were only used as a plot device for mike to tell el how he feels, and that the duffers chose specific lines like ‘my life did not start until I met you’ which specifically feels like mike literally does not care even about his friendship with will, even after saying earlier this season that he was probably worrying too much about eleven? but then he continues to do so anyways, and just ??? doesn’t see will crying next to him or ??? or he does, and just doesn’t say anything ??? there were better ways to go about this that would not have completely denied the FRIENDSHIP between mike and will, yet this whole season was just mike not caring to fix it or maintain it, and will feeling like it’s his fault? like in his little monologue saying that if he feels like (he’s) been pushing him away or mean it’s because (he) is scared of losing him, and rather just tear the bandaid off - like i haven’t seen anyone mention this but it just makes me sad because it really gives me the sense that will is the one blaming himself for the friendship dwindling out? and maybe will did not reach out more as well, but it’s a two way street and that’s for sure not his fault entirely? it just makes me sad. platonic relationships matter too. true love does not have to mean completely disregarding everyone else in your life like mike seems to do with el. literally no one else behaves this way in the show - eleven is very very very loving/caring of other friends, as is will, dustin, lucas, max, etc. - but with mike, especially in terms of will, this season, it really seems like he just does not care about anyone else than el. idc if it was a ‘pep-talk’ because idk, at this rate, i really don’t see the duffers going back to this moment, and addressing what mike has said that’s wrong, etc. like they haven’t addressed the whole what now seems like a homophobic comment in season 3, so I really just doubt it? this really could have been their chance to at least fix their friendship, to show that friendship is important as well. leaving us completely in the dark to if mike caught on to will having feelings or the painting or if he noticed him crying just feels … wrong, and it does feel like queer bait in regard to mike because they are really dragging this out, and they too, should just pull the bandaid. but they are really not especially with the obvious parallels between Robin/Vicky/Dan and Will/Mike/Eleven (especially because Mike says he has not really spoken to El since his love confession? it’s weird that they are leaving this door open, that they made this interaction happen between them at all, that without will, mike would probably not have been able to tell el he loves her) so it’s truly annoying that people are calling us delusional when so much of it still feels so unresolved, and they could have done it in another way to make it seem less so. even just a scene at the end where el and mike are cleaning together, obviously like I’m good terms, and jonathon just passing him by and squeezing his shoulder, and will offering him a small smile. just something/! and like? that’s why a lot of us are so mad, because they could have just let it go there, but there are still these crumbs - these unresolved storylines, like Will’s painting/speech that El obviously did not commission - like will this be addressed, ever? Or are they just planning to forget about it? Based on the fact that Will says, ‘remember, you’re the heart’ to Mike before the monologue scene, I’m assuming that Mike truly believed Will’s words about this all coming from El (because it’s what he wants to believe and also because he is so in his own head about her). But that’s what makes him able to do the monologue. The story just feels so … incomplete, and yeah. It is not over, but I really just feel like they are throwing their friendship, at this point, out the window. Which is sad because friendship is supposed to be a driving force in this show.

[pepprs]

psa im dead inside

[somestansomewhere]

Frank’s Dementia in 11a

Points to discuss:

Moments where Frank forgot.

Things he might be able to remember.

Other characters finding out.

Aftermath...

So to start of, I made a list of every instance in SEASON ELEVEN A, where Frank’s memory seemed a bit off, I’m not gonna analyze the whole series for this but I’m sure there’s more there. Now:

Moments Where Frank Forgot

11x01

1. Frank’s History of Chicago

While this does appear to imply just the opening monologue, there are actually several moments throughout the episode where Frank is talking about the Gallagher’s running Chicago to Alan. And while this seems like typical “Frank being drunk nonsense”, plus a spectacular opening to the season... I now see it in a different light especially after:

2. Frank’s Memory Elixir

Frank LITERALLY has a line asking for “memory elixir”, meaning booze, which Alan hands him. Ironic since he has ALCOHOLIC DEMENTIA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t intentional!

3. He Forgot Bars Were Closed

Now, I may be reaching here... BUT when Frank enters The Alibi for the first time this season (what a grand enterence btw) he says “I heard somewhere all bars were open again”. V responds by saying something along the lines of “three weeks ago maybe” and that the mayor shut them down again. Frank says “Well who the hell can keep track”. And okay, yeah maybe Frank genuinely didn’t know... but this is the bar he goes to EVERYDAY. Not to mention if they shut down less than THREE WEEKS AGO, Frank should know... idk this one might not count but I added it anyway. Kermit is unaware of bars being open/shut down in 11x03 so moving on:

11x02

4. The Alibi’s Secret Enterence

Okay, again REACHING! However, when Frank entered The Alibi through the Keg Zone door he forgot to use the “secret knock” and Kev had to remind him about it. Now in 11x01 he used the front door (and I’m not sure he knew to use the other door in that ep) but still at least he remembered to use the correct door in 11x02.

11x03

This is where it got noticeable.. strap in, here we go:

5. Taking Franny to School

He took her to the wrong school. This is the same person that knows the Southside perhaps better than his kids (lol), like the back of his hand! He not only took her to the wrong school but a middle/grade school. Franny is in elementary/preschool school. You can see in WHM’s face here that Frank was confused...

6. Uncle V and Aunt Kev

Maybe just a comedic slip up, but Frank calls Kev and V “Uncle V and Aunt Kev” as opposed to what they really are. Maybe he forgot? I’m reaching LOL.

7. Debbie Is Not Fiona

Frank talks about one of his favorite MEMORIES with Franny’s mom: Debbie, but “oh no, maybe that was Fiona”. Small moment, typical Frank but... nonetheless, poor memory. The writers are smart by mentioning Fiona in this scene... it’s “a Fiona mention”, we’re going to remember this, and that’s probably why they did it.

8. The Paper Store

Yeah, this was the first red flag for me and if I can recall, the moment EVERYONE knew something seemed off. Frank, walks out of the paper store with Franny and cannot remember where he is, or where they are headed. Once he is reminded of their “goals” for the day (by Franny, a five year old) he proceeds to head to the paper store... Franny once again let’s him know that they already went there and Frank notices the paper already in his (Franny’s) backpack. Ouch.

11x04

9. The Nation of Islam

Ooo this one hurt! After Frank suggests to visit The Nation of Islam in an attempt to get their help to get rid of the Milkoviches, him, Kev, and Liam do. We SEE them go there. It’s a whole scene, so later in the episode when Frank suggests to go ask them for help AGAIN as if it were a completely new idea, we as an audience know they already did that. As Kevin says they “JUST did that”. Frank forgot. Shit.

11x05

10. Mrs.McCurdy

Frank discusses with Kev about murdering Mrs.McCurdy, later he tries to murder her. We see it, we remember it becaue she grabbed Frank’s dick. It was funny, the scene evoked laughter, it forces the audience to remember it. Frank mindlessly walks into The Alibi and Kev asks Frank if he “did the thing”. Now at first Frank is confused. They were using “quotation talk” earlier so yeah I get it, but then when Kevin is more direct with Frank, Frank thinks Kev is implying that he had sex with Mrs.McCurdy... Frank is clearly confused. Only then does Kev point out that he meant MURDER. Frank takes a second, again if you watch he does not know what Kev is talking about, but then it hits him, and he remembers. Thus continuing the convo like nothing.

11x06

11. Monica

Now this one REALLY hurt. Frank’s first scene of the episode is a sex scene between him and Letty. She’s blonde, and Frank calls her Monica. He truly believes he is sleeping with Monica, only Monica is dead, she been since season seven. When Letty mentions that she isn’t Monica (thinking Frank calling her that was only a sex thing), we see WHM’s brilliant preformence once again. Frank doesn’t know what Letty means, he thinks she’s Monica. Then when he realizes she isn’t, he gets this lost dejected look on his face. He’s confused and knows that he keeps getting confused.

Frank says “I gotta get to work”. Letty asks him where he works and Frank is left bewildered.

12. Seven

Okay so remember Frank and Franny’s adventure in 11x03? Frank visits a dry cleaners to get some weed. They make a point of Franny saying that Frank will pay SEVEN for the weed. No offer is made and Frank must get it somewhere else. Throughout the episode Frank refterences SEVEN to Kev & V as the asking price to sell. We as an audience are forced to remember SEVEN. Also in 11x03, as Debbie frantically looks for Frank/Franny, she visits the dry cleaners where they were (retracing their steps). We as an audience have been there twice.

Now, in 11x06 Frank goes to pick up an order but like, we already saw him go there episodes ago. When the woman behind the counter literally tells him she has nothing for him and he argues with her, WE KNOW she is right. Once again, Frank forgot. I’m so sad. Not only that but Kev and V don’t have Frank going on runs anymore. Ian & Mickey are doing it... Frank is legit lost and forgot that he’s not doing that anymore, Kev tells him he’s not in 11x04.

Ms.G even says to Frank that she doesn’t need to write anything down to remember it because the “Mind’s a steel trap”. She doesn’t owe him... she can use her mind to remember where Frank cannot. The irony.

13. Pedestrian, Blue, Handlebar (abc)

a) Frank getting hit in the head results in him having a visit to the hospital where a nurse discovers that Frank has no clue how he got there and more specifically, how he got hit in the first place.

b) The saddest part, when asked his name he remembers FRANK. But has to look down at her sheet to know his last name is GALLAGHER. This is the man who walks around saying “It’s up to Frank Gallagher to save the neighborhood”. He forgot his last name.

c) The scene goes on, the nurse asks him to remember three words: pedestrian, blue, and handlebar. They discuss other things, then she asks him to tell her those words. It’s so abundantly clear that Frank just cannot. He doesn’t remember. He was told like 30sec ago and gets, for the first time ASHAMED. He’s the most shameless person ever (hence the title of the show) but now the tides have turned. He “doesn’t wanna play this game anymore”. Frank can recognize AGAIN that he is confused, only now he is forced to face it. The nurse noticed, she runs some tests and Frank learns that he has early stages of alcoholic dementia. This isn’t his liver, he can’t get a new one, this is his brain.

14. + 15. Letty & Terry

Just two bonuses, Frank wanders aimlessly into the Alibi again (like in 11x05) because it’s routine for him. Letty calls him over. Frank forgot they were supposed to meet there. :(

Frank and Terry on the porch: Maybe it’s just bad writing or they were trying to make a point but like a “Gallagher-Milkovich War” never happened??? We watched the show for 11 seasons... Also are the Milkoviches actually from Poland Frank? I’ll excuse that one cuz Ian mentioned it too, but I thought they wer Ukrainian. These seem like writing mistakes tho so oops.

Things He Might Be Able To Remember

Frank has his and Franny’s name tattooed on his body... he literally forgot his last name at the hospital. And if he forgets a bunch in 11b then that’ll be the payoff for the tattoo... he might not know why the tattoo is there or who the people are listed on his arm, or even what it means exactly, but he will know that Frank loves Franny.

Where he lives. Frank never threw out the paper with his diagnosis. He might remember his home, however the conflict comes in the fact that the Gallaghers might be selling it. He needs to be around people/places that are familiar to him. This could jeopardize his memory.

The Alibi is where Frank seems to just walk to or go to whenever he has no clue where he is or going but it’s subtle. I could see him getting lost and no one knowing where he is and Frank just being at the Alibi beacuse idk muscle memory? He’s on autopilot.

Early stages of ALCOHOLIC Dementia can improve. Like if maybe Frank were to tell someone and if he wasn’t removed from the Gallagher house, and oh I don’t know if Frank STOPPED DRINKING, he could remember. But I don’t think we’re heading in that direction, especially if the house is sold, and let’s face it... it looks that way.

Fiona? Will he forget her... this all feels reminiscent of 4x11.

Other Characters Finding Out

Franny, Kevin, and Liam, are the only people who have REALLY been subject to the possibility of noticing... but think about it. Franny is too young to notice anything, Kevin is not the brightest bulb, he doesn’t seem to realize it either, and Liam was exposed to it once, but at that time he was so scared about the Milkoviches that he didn’t notice it. Maybe if he saw it again, he would. Liam is smart enough.

I wonder if the Gallaghers will just find out the hard way (,like those stills from 11x08 are making me think,) or if anyone will begin to seriously pick up on it. I intially thought they would show Frank forgetting in front of each character until someone was able to notice but scratch that. They seem to be setting Lip up on the “alcoholic path” this season, (and I may go more into depth about that one another time, it’s another big post if I do get into it). But what will the Gallagher’s reactions/feelings be towards Frank’s diagnosis? Mickey and Ian had many Terry/Frank discussions in 11x06 literally setting up for it. It hurt when they all kept dismissing Frank because yup, they don’t know yet. They would have to help him in order to keep his memory maintained, but that’s the thing... Frank’s pride. He might deny their help even if they actually were to give it to him... Either way, I’m “looking forward” to see how this all unravels and how everyone finds out and what their reactions will be, which brings me to my final topic:

Aftermath...

So what happens? Will they sell the house, potentially causing Frank to forget? Will he not know his kids, his history? Will he die? Will Frank finally stop drinking... yeah I doubt that... So what WILL happen? Will the Gallaghers be left to take care of Frank? Will they even do that? Will he remember them?

What if in 1x01 Frank’s narration IS his memory? We see him talking about his kids to someone? It circles back? I don’t know, but either way I expect this whole thing to pull on our heartstrings. When the rest of the regulars find out... it’s gonna get real, and rough.

Interesting stuff coming up in 11b I’m sure. Let’s see how this plays out for our Protagonist and Patriarch: Frank Gallagher.

Omg, if you read through this, you are so cool and I really really appreciate you! Please send me an ask or write a note, I would love to get your take on the matter. 💙

Hope you enjoyed this analysis and I hope it didn’t go on too long.

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: [a picture of Rio with her eyes crossed out like 1. Miss you and 2. Guess who I just talked to]

Edie: ofc she did 😑

Edie: what’s the damage

Liam: 0 to us I deflected the - to Lexie

Liam: do you want her framed for jumpscaring herself or is there anyone else

Edie: That’s all she cared about?

Edie: Bitch

Liam: it just didn’t take no time to convince her we’re perfect for each other

Liam: bc we are

Edie: yeah we are 🥰

Edie: surprised she copped to anything of the sort though

Edie: clearly can’t resist being nice to you

Edie: Lexie needs to calm down

Edie: 🤔 I mean, be kinda fucking hilarious if everyone reckoned she was doing it to herself

Edie: but maybe I’ve been too mean already 🥺

Edie: what do you think?

Liam: I think it’s pretty close to showing everyone her true colours if we do, Lex has gotta have been talking to your sister about me, I could tell, she thought I was a dick before I talked her round

Edie: She wouldn’t be happy for me unless you were a total 🤓 with no dick

Edie: that’s just what she’s like, crazy

Edie: but also not a stretch to see Lexie being a gossipy cow, I’ve heard her on other people before so

Edie: why would I give a fuck if her life is ruined

Liam: she basically accused me of wanting to hit you up for one reason and then wanting to immediately dip, if she thinks that’s what I’m like that’s only coming from one person

Edie: She’s pathetic

Edie: it’s clearly her saying it because you didn’t sleep with her

Edie: it wouldn’t be hard to spoof some shit, make it look like her

Edie: and she has nothing to say it was me, or you like she thought, and it weren’t no one else so she’s fucked, basically

Liam: [send her some shit that you’ve already started to work on because you knew she’d agree with this plan and the bits of the Rio convo where you said you’d try and find out and made it sound like you thought it was her but obvs it couldn’t possibly be hehe]

Edie: You’re so smart

Edie: She deserves this, she was definitely bitching about you, you can tell from how hard Rih said she weren’t

Liam: don’t be upset with me, but I was thinking about how Lexie also deserves to see us together and you happy and I invited them both to your show

Liam: you did say you want your family to take your music seriously

Edie: I’m not mad

Edie: You invited Rih too so she isn’t going to think you’re trying to get back with her

Edie: and I get to rub that and the fact I’m talented in her face?

Edie: It’s a good idea, baby

Liam: still, if you wanna create me in game and spend your time testing out different murder options, I won’t be mad, I should’ve asked you if it was a good idea before saying yeah to having us all there

Edie: [an 8-bit Liam but obvs we’re making an 8-bit us to smooch him not murder him, a lil gif moment of this or whatever it would be]

Liam: you only want a play through where we 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻

Edie: that might make the thread 🤮 but idk if they’d be 😱

Liam: we’ll keep it off thread

Liam: [send her the floor plan to where your dad lives/holiday cottages so she can build it in sims like my boo would, live your dreams kids]

Edie: don’t need to make 50k nerds jealous, I get you

Edie: [just nerd out with that]

Edie: I’ll show you how generic the 👶 is

Edie: very rude

Liam: if the mods and cc don’t fix it, I’ll pretend I don’t 👀

Edie: the 👀 are already insane colours

Liam: no match for yours in real life

Edie: [pics forever]

Edie: [obviously also make your enemies to actually kill and send that]

Liam: if you sent it to Lexie nobody’d believe she created herself looking that accurate

Edie: harsh reality of a sim

Edie: the alpha CC does look like her facetune attempts, tbf

Liam: at least you can make her try to seduce the grim reaper instead of me

Edie: she’ll have ample opportunity to meet him

Edie: [all the dramatic deaths cut with her sim when they get hysterical]

Edie: I’m still mad at her

Edie: Rih blatantly thinking it was me too, not surprising but still 🖕

Edie: how’s it been today

Liam: only bc she knows how smart you are and most people who Lex hangs out with ain’t, I barely had to cover for you so she don’t really wanna think it

Edie: story of her life

Liam: how 😡 are you

Edie: it’s exhausting being mad at her, there’s nothing to do

Edie: people like Lexie, you can fuck with, or care even less than that

Liam: would it make you feel better to fuck with Lexie more

Edie: I wanna make you feel better more

Edie: you must be feeling as bored and crazy as me, if not more

Liam: if I could feel anything it’d be 💔 you’re not happy or here

Edie: is it worse

Edie: nothing

Edie: maybe that’s stupid

Edie: nothing seems preferable sometimes but only sometimes, which is maybe what takes it over feeling too much

Liam: it’s isolating, everyone expects me to feel too much, that’s acceptable, even years after

Edie: acceptance would be easier

Edie: you have me

Edie: no matter what

Edie: idc if no one else gets me, you do

Liam: I dunno what it says about people that they’d be happy if I was going round punching holes in walls but I know my ma would

Liam: she looks at me like she’s waiting for it, watching for a massive crack or something

Edie: they’ve got their reason, they want the reaction

Edie: then they can link a and b and ???

Edie: problem solved, not really

Edie: but they understand it and can wash their hands of you

Edie: that’s what they give a shit about

Liam: yeah

Edie: enough sympathy and hot meals dropped off and you’ll be ‘fixed’

Edie: you weren’t even the sick one

Liam: get enough hobbies, a part-time job, a girlfriend, move the fuck on

Edie: right

Edie: it’s so

Edie: I can’t think of the word

Liam: “she’d want you to be happy/have a life” no she fucking wouldn’t, she wanted it for herself

Edie: dead people get sainted

Edie: no room for who they actually were, better and worse

Liam: she’d hate me having any of those things just to rub in her face

Edie: what was she like, between being sick

Liam: I’ll show you

Edie: do you reckon she’d want you to remember what she’d want for you then, instead of how she was at the end

Edie: not to be like every other cunt about it

Edie: not that simple, or at all

Liam: she was a teenage girl, she’d probably want me to do more fitting in too until I’ve completed the coming of age shite milestones everyone else is, instead of telling other teenage girls from the internet how fucked up I am 😏

Edie: I think that might be a milestone so 👏

Edie: the bullshit of your sister not having her own life to live dealt with then, in this scenario

Edie: we have to find what you want

Edie: even if that’s not 🤵👧🐶🧒👰 with me

Edie: not gonna be Lexie about it, you know

Edie: I’ll still help you find it

Liam: I want you, not to be gay about it

Liam: to see where this is gonna go, how far I can take it before it ends

Edie: then let’s do it

Edie: what can I do today

Liam: what would you be doing if you could do anything

Edie: that’s the problem

Edie: I wanna be with you

Edie: but I don’t know what we’d do yet

Liam: I said I’d show you what my sister was like, the quickest way to do it is to act like nothing matters, your behaviour has no consequences

Liam: it’s not about me at all, only what you want, what’s gonna happen

Edie: and I can’t hurt you

Edie: because you don’t feel anything yet, yeah?

Liam: you can’t hurt me

Edie: you promise

Edie: do that and then we can do what I want

Liam: how do you want me to promise

Edie: 🤏🩸

Edie: mine is 📫

Liam: [brb father he’s gotta go draw some blood and put it into something she can wear as jewellery like Angelina Jolie and record the endeavour to send to the bae]

Edie: [that’s exactly what we gonna send, I know you can legit buy them so I’ll find a cool pic tah, his poor father so confusion]

Liam: [great minds boo]

Edie: kiss it better for me

Liam: [send her another video boy we’re in this deep]

Edie: god

Edie: okay, what do you do to relieve stress, let go and let off steam

Edie: do that

Liam: what do I do or what should you, bc I have an idea that I think would make you feel better about your sister

Edie: you can start by telling me what I should do because I’m intrigued

Liam: she said she’d lose it at Lexie if she did anything to you, if you lower your IQ by at least 100 you could have fun trashing her room but making it look like she did it herself to frame you, you’d have to wait til she was forced out with her family and bc there’s no check in or selfie proof everyone would just think they’re covering for her, but that’d be the only boring bit

Liam: your sister would feel bad for falling for it and believing you might be involved at all

Edie: I definitely don’t want to see her at mine ever again

Edie: I’ll do it

Edie: Bet she has a shrine to you

Liam: a curse would explain me being dead inside

Edie: she has no ✨

Edie: so whilst I’m ripping the heads off all her 🧸s

Edie: you’ve gotta do…

Liam: 🏊 the only thing there is to do

Edie: your da didn’t come prepared? 🔥🪓

Liam: he’d be prepared with a 🧯 more like but I don’t need his help 🔥🪓

Edie: you should see if anyone is around, like anywhere

Edie: see how easy it is to 👀 them without getting caught

Liam: it’s like you know me inside out

Edie: I do

Edie: I’ve got X-Ray 👀s

Liam: next time you miss me you can do an artistic rendering

Edie: of all your vital organs

Edie: not to kill the mystery and show myself up as a fake fan on the forums

Edie: but I think the outside view of you is a lot prettier 😳🥰

Liam: ok I’ll not send you any in the 📫

Edie: only the non-vitals, tah 😏

Liam: what’s left Alexis hasn’t got in her shrine

Edie: she 🥺 so hard you gave her your gallbladder

Liam: 10% risk of shitting myself side effects after it’s gone, 100% chance of that putting her off wanting to jump me, I’d do it

Edie: no need to do that now I’m here

Edie: no one is gonna wanna jump her when she’s outed as 😵🥴🤡

Liam: I’ll keep the scalpel sharp for lads who wanna get with you when they realise you’re 🤩🤓😎😇😈

Edie: I’m not complaining

Edie: I only want you around, ever

Liam: I’ll be going nowhere without you ever when I get back

Edie: Good

Edie: because I feel like

Edie: it’s like I’m doing so much to fill my time but I still just think about and miss you constantly

Liam: I’ll climb a tree and call you from the top

Edie: Describe your view the best you can

Edie: like I’m there too

Liam: facetime’ll make you feel like you are

Edie: not quite VR but I’ll take it

Edie: talking to you feels like our own 🪐 anyway

Liam: [do climb a tree and call her because what a mood just like you’re Elizabeth Allen]

Edie: [save that tree henny]

Liam: [do we wanna skip to his bday now or is there anything else you can think of that you wanna do while he’s still away?]

Edie: [hmm, we probably know the vibe, she’s busy with all the things they’re gonna continue when he’s back, also finding the first house they can break into and stay in, fucking with Lexie loads more]

Liam: [yeah and if we do think of anything specific later we can skip back it’s chill]

Edie: [let’s do it]

[thisdreamplace]

Hi!! A couple of weeks ago, I entered a $30,000 giveaway. Thousands of people entered but I convinced myself that I had already won. Even when they announce they picked a winner I tried to shut out the 3D and keep persisting but it got to the point where they announced the name of the winner and announced to everyone else that they sent the winner their grand prize of $30,000. I guess what I have to ask is, how can I make a comeback after this? Like I genuinely thought I convinced myself the money was mine and I even did scenes and imagined what I would do with the money. I imagined and affirmed until I was satisfied. Now I feel really disappointed and I guess I feel like the power isn’t really there. Like I’m not the operant power because if I was I would’ve won. Idk I’m just having a hard time because my family doesn’t have much money and Im trying to manifest another source of income now but it’s hard becaus in the back of my mind I’m like “well you thought for sure you already won the $30,000 giveaway and look what happened? You didn’t, so your other manifestations aren’t gonna work either.” I guess that’s why I stopped manifesting because I get my hopes up in my mind like I really have it all to be disappointed. Has this ever happened to you? Any advice?

Hello!! This type of moment is tricky, isn’t it? Although you feel you did everything right, you got slapped in the face with the opposite. Has this ever happened to me? Absolutely. Plenty of times I thought I totally succeeded, only to be met with opposition that hadn’t let up. You are not alone, as this is just part of the journey I suppose.

I remember watching a video by IllimuninatingJoy, where she talked about money being the how or the what. I’m pretty sure she said she had more success by identifying this. Because if money is the how and not the what, well this can indicate the issue. You want money, you didn’t exactly want to win. A very subtle difference, yes. But an important one. Your want and your focus didn’t line up. Attempt to the see this as a good thing, money can come in plenty of ways. Keep persisting in the end of what you truly want... another source of income.

Fully feel free to feel the feelings that this has brought up out of you. It’s okay to face them, while knowing this doesn’t have to be your life forever. You can keep persisting, you can keep going until you experience your life changed for good and for the better. 💖

[minhamaniac]

thoughts on Min Ha x Suk Hyung... and Suk Hyung’s depression?

I’m still not sure what to think about episode 12... I’ve rewatched a few scenes a few times and espceially two scenes again just a few minutes ago ... and I’m so f*cking depressed right now lol

Ik Jun (IJ) noticed Min Ha’s (MH) feelings for Suk Hyung (SH) and confronts him about it in the last episode. SH tells him that MH confessed her feelings but he turned her down. Considering that MH confessed in October / episode 10, I’m suspecting that SH talked to her not long after her confession, as he tells IJ that he hates feeling awkward or uncomfortable while working and so he met her outside the hospital and talked to her. SH even feels the need to tell IJ that he really means it, that he’s not interested in dating anyone right now and that “obviously” he’s not interested in MH either. He likes being alone. When IJ tells him to not just rely on his friends but to get comfort from his family and the loved ones around him, SH replies with: “I don't want her to get hurt. She might get hurt because of me and my situation. After seeing how hard it was for Sin Hye (his ex-wife), I promised myself not to forge any relationships in the future.” (We never really got to know why it was hard for his ex-wife, though...)

When I first watched that scene, my shipper heart was in shock so I didn’t pay too much attention to the dialogue. After rewatching it the first time, I couldn’t help but start thinking that he might actually feel a bit more for MH than what one would feel for his junior but he didn’t want to start dating her because he’s worried and doesn’t want MH to get hurt...

They didn’t show us the scene when SH turned her down, so I don’t know how MH reacted and how she felt. At least we know she’s still around SH and she didn’t seem uncomfortable nor unhappy in episode 12. Maybe the scene in episode 11 (when she’s standing in front of his office and wants to ask him out for dinner) already happened after he turned her down?

Regardless of that, she still seems to seek his company and especially wants to eat with him at work. I’m pretty sure her feelings are the same but as she said herself she just wanted to be honest and tell him that she likes him and that she won’t make it obvious at the hospital.

She even texted and asked him out for dinner on Christmas. And as we all know her wish was to get her first kiss of the year on Christmas while wearing matching rings. MH messaged SH that she doesn’t want to pressure him and he doesn’t have to eat with her. With a sad (?) look on his face, he turns her invitation down. He wants to text her “Merry Christmas” but deletes that part before sending. Again, we don’t see how Min Ha reacts. Which makes me really sad. I want to know how she feels. She is a high spirit and that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with her character. Despite that, she’s a very emotional person and I think that him turning down not only her feelings but also her invitation to have dinner on Christmas crushed her spirits. She seemed to look forward to have dinner with him even if there’s little hope she will get her kiss (because she also texted him that she really hopes the he can come). I just really hope that she was able to spend the evening with her friend and that that wasn’t a lie just not to pressure him...

...and then after that texting scene, we see SH’s ex-wife calling him.

You know, after SH told IJ that he turned MH down, I was bawling. But I was getting my hopes up again becaus of two later scenes in episode 12:

Song Hwa and Jung Won talk about SH and how he supposedly is a person who enjoys food the most when he’s eating alone. CUE scene of him eating alone. BUT suddenly MH turns up, wants to eat with him together and, after being a bit hesitant, he agrees. He even smiles when she’s pulling out the drinks and snacks from her pockets. ... SO, yes, we saw a lot of scenes of him enjoying his alone time BUT we saw a shift towards him feeling more comfortable eating with others (than just his best friends). And mostly, we saw him eating with MH. On top of that, two times just in episode 12. Yes, maybe it’s just because MH is kind of intrusive ...but SH didn’t shy away from running away from eating with others (episode 3, when several female colleagues want to join him at the cafe). And whenever he’s with MH, he seems less uncomfortable eating with someone else and he even smiles... (So why would he, as a person who likes to eat alone, eat with MH several times??? He seems to feel different towards her, in a positive way, than compared to other people, right???!!!)

After all the friends eat together one day before Christmas, they talk about what they will do the next evening. And SH doesn’t reply and stays quiet... as if he has plans for Christmas evening. (Maybe a date with MH?????!!!) SH tells them that he doesn’t want to waste time and wants to live doing the things he likes. (Did he change his mind and wants to start dating her????)

...but my hopes were crushed yet again when he turns down her invitation. WHat were his plans for that evening (if he had any)? Did he meet his ex-wife on Christmas evening? And that’s why she was calling him? And if so, why did they meet.....? We don’t get to know :///

And then, when I rewatched his scenes in episode 12, especially his scene with IJ and the ending scene, a baaaaaaad, really baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad thought hit me. What if SH is sick......? Terminally ill? It’s such a trope, I know. At first, I thought, maybe he’s kind of depressed because he turned MH down despite having feelings for her... but watching all the scenes back to back idk that didn’t really add up...? OMFG he looks so depressed when he tells IJ that he likes to be alone and that he doesn’t want to hurt MH because of his situation. He lookes so f*cking depressed when he tells his friends that he doesn’t want to waste time and wants to live doing the things he likes. Then again, he has this sad puppy look when he gets MH’s message and when he turns her down, but also when his ex-wife calls him.

Why would they end Hospital Playlist with that scene? Remember, Hospital Playlist even starts with a SH scene, together with Song Hwa, they enter the place where they are going to practice with their band. Who was the one who started talking about this whole band thing? It was SH. And in episode 12 he tells his friends with a depressed look: “I want to live doing the things I like and the things that I want to do right now. That's why I wanted to start a band. I... used you guys.“

It would even make more sense that in case he has some kind of feelings for MH, that he still turns her down because he might die soon and doesn’t want to hurt her and instead wants her to be happy with someone else...

I hope I’m wrong. I hope that SH is fine and that he has some feelings for MH and everything will work out in season 2? Whatever it is that troubles SH (yo please no terminal illness) gets resolved, and maybe he starts dating MH?? With a little help of IJ’s matchmaking powers??? ...or maybe SH isn’t ill but MH will not be a thing in season 2 which will make me increadibly sad but I just want MH and SH to be happy. If I get a scene in season 2 with MH being happy, it would be easier for me to cope when they both go their seperate ways.

Part of what made me feel so crushed about my sunken ship after watching episode 12 was not seeing MH’s reaction (to his rejections, especially her behaviour outside of work or when she isn’t with SH) or some kind of closure for her after being turned down... A sad sigh when she gets SH’s message but a smile afterwards that show she knows she’ll get over it? Or at least a scene that she isn’t by herself but eats dinner with her friend? ... but they didn’t show any of that at all... :((((

Which, regardless of my bad hunch, leaves me with a obviously -for whatever reason- sad looking SH, a most probably heart broken MH (because it isn’t shown otherwise) ...and because of all that, a sad me :((((

[beigejournals]

Season 5 Lucifer

welcome to my unsolicited thoughts about Season 5 of Lucifer.  

as an avid and veteran series binger AND a talker-while-watching-a-movie-or-series-but-does-not-want-to-spoil-anything-for-my-friends type of person, i have finally dedicated a space and found a good way to let all my thoughts out as i watch a movie or series when i am alone when i can’t bother a lot of people because (1) they don’t want to be bothered and (2) i don’t want to spoil things for them.

so here are my thoughts, and of course, SPOILERS AHEAD.

BTW, i LOVED all of Lucifer! but this season was a slow burn for me. 

ep1

drug scene at Lux; is Amenadiel mean now?

so is Lucifer himself in his own hell loop when he became the ruler of hell? his own guilt towards his father? idk (to be frank, i don’t remember the past episodes except for the fact that he is now back in hell)

the premise of the first episode is cute!

side note after the title card: i remember how much i loved the soundtrack for Lucifer!

Maze is still hot.

I love how Maze and Chloe’s relationship developed and how they don’t have to use words to communicate.

Amenadiel’s and the Psychologist’s house HAHAHAHA i love it.

is Charlie Jesus? His mom’s faith in front of Ella is like every mom plus every religious person ever haha

YES. ELLA. YOU. DESERVE. A. GOOD. GUY.

self-improvement is now a meme, huh?

Dan is me.

comment on drug scene: Amenadiel is still the same, haha!

Maze and the card, haha!

how was the guy in the mask face (did i just say mask face?) blurred but in the party, Los Angeles was in perfect accuracy. excuse me.

coming out of the dead: “oh sorry, that’s so gross!” LORDT HAHA

love you, Charlie! hope you don’t feel like you have to perform because your mom expects a lot from you and that’s so ironic because she’s a psychologist!

Dan’s speeches about parenting: i get it tho, parents try to love their child, sometimes, they just don’t know how

also, i think it’s the sister but Chloe’s just a softie

lol Maze is jealous that Chloe got to talk to Lucifer and trying to say that they don’t need Lucifer.

OOF MAZE.

i forgot about what happened with Eve.

GUYS THE MURDERER IS LITERALLY GOING TO ESCAPE.

the amount of projection as defense mechanism in this episode is too much it feels like it’s too on the nose.

but i do love the parallel between what’s happening on Earth and in hell.

the amount of layers in this question either it’s Lucifer’s or his or his sister’s (assuming it is his sister who was behind his murder)

ok apparently it’s not his sister.

me in law school:

sana all kaya kang mahalin na babalik from hell. kilig aq.

also, after all these years, Lucifer’s house has been so clean!!! wala man lang alikabok

if she’ll be fine without him then who tf is that?

ok i read the synopsis for the next couple of episodes. i don’t like spoilers. don’t make the same mistake.

ep2

i’m Ella when it comes to my friends’ special people HAHA

also, i love the slight lean to one side to show us that this is not the real Lucifer.

why does he have to be naked???

it’s so funny for me how they have to reestablish him. LUCIFER NEVER LIES HAHAHAHAHA yes we can remember now after you repeated it 3x.

ALSO WHY IS EVERYTHING TO ON THE NOSE. EVERY SECOND IS A METAPHOR FOR SOMETHING. was it always like this?

Oh Michael. Nice. Was he an archer? We love the American accent.

how can Amenadiel not know that was Michael? GANON KA IDENTICAL SIZ?

we love the unnecessary car chase just to  reinstate the fact that this is a crime show

that slomo with the wings!!!

also everything is so slow with this show!!! idk why but everything feels just a little bit slower (or maybe i just want lucifer and chloe to be together? idk)

gwapo ni lucifer nung nagmomol sila ni Maze pls

cringe ng elevator scene

ykw. i think it’s because i like the lucifer character that’s why i’m impatient. he hasn’t been appearing the way i want him to.

see. you don’t have to remind me so much about the show because i know he was supposed to say “what is it that you truly desire” not fear. I FEEL LIKE THIS SEASON IS DUMBING THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED THE SHOW FOR SO LONG. okay sige.

either she knows it’s not him or SHE’S REALLY THAT NICE AND POWERFUL OF A HUMAN BEING.

oh i’ve been questioning whether they had sex already and this episode answered my question

CRINGE coffee scene: the spoon???

random question: are angels virgins? so is Michael a virgin?

what kind of a person would just go deep on someone else’s pocket just because they ran out of money?

knew it Maze won’t do Chloe dirty like that!

thanks Chloe. u know better than that. (full disclosure: I THOUGHT SHE WAS ACTING BADLY APPARENTLY A GOOD ACTOR CAN ACT BADLY TO PROVE A POINT?)

literally just liked it and now there’s a new secret that was said too soon.

God baka naman pwede mo ko gawing Chloe Decker char.

AH so interesting. Lucifer = Desire. Michael = Fear. Too on the nose again but that time, i needed the guidance because i am a dumbass.

God ain’t raising his children right!

ep3

yes explain everything to me it’s literally not like we have been binging this show for 2 hours straight

see, the Lucifer character is really endearing. i’m enjoying myself again hahaha. (well, i guess Lucifer when he’s with Chloe?)

can i just say that Tom Ellis was born for that role. he fits is so well that him acting as his own twin doesn’t sit well with me.

i just feel like this show was written by a psychologist who liked watching murder shows.

it’s Lucifer, Chloe!!! siya yon.

ep4

love Lucifer-Chloe tandem!

we love how the actors can sing and the show gives them a chance...

one thought: is everyone going to play a double of who they are?

also is Maze the daughter of Lucifer?

i love how they’re transcending mediums, reminds me of Community with their random episodes.

there you go, Chloe’s doing the double acting too.

Now it’s Linda. (so maybe this is the episode i was asking about earlier).

Now it’s Ella.

omg is this why i loved fleabag, it took forever for the Priest and Fleabag to finally do it? no. i just love the Priest.

Charlotte’s back! and the distance from the table shows how not okay they are. okay.

green screen while driving i love it.

now, Daniel!

we love gender fluidity? i guess. i’m not sure how you call it but i appreciate.

Lilith’s dress for the second song. OMG.

there again to make us dumb. after we just watched the whole thing happen, they retell the whole story again. damn. they think we dumb.

literally this season is making every girl kiss Chloe.

why did she blow the ring? was that her life?

what’s that song in the end?

OH that was the reason why she was retelling everything.

damn celestial beings are the worst parents.

ep5

i wanna be Dr. Linda Martin please.

i appreciate Lucifer wearing the bracelet until now. (but i expected nothing less)

i’ve always loved how people reacted to Amenadiel. he always seemed nerdy but these are times where he truly shine and im so happy.

i forgot.  i think i was showering that time that Michael and Lucifer fought and theyre hella dumb. ok lets go toxic masculinity mixed with daddy issues.

i know they’re too on the nose ABOUT EVERYTHING but i do like the debate about free will and predestination

honestly i don’t know what’s Chloe’s issue is with being made by God probably just because i’m lazy and i just want to lay everything in His hands but coming from a very atheistic perspective where she comes from i kinda get it. i guess my only reasoning why i’m okay with God’s reason is with her is because of my fear of the unknown; my current fear with not knowing my true purpose. at least she got hers! what is she complaining about?

oh i get it now, but that’s why there’s free will Chloe (or idk, idk how God works; there’s currently no electricity in my house rn. i don’t get how that works even if we pay for our electricity all the time, how am I suppose to know God’s plans?)

but aren’t well created for something else? looking at a selfish perspective, maybe He created all of us just because He wanted to.

wow. literally when the nun kissed Amenadiel, the lights in our house opened up. if that ain’t God. idk who that is.

wow that’s so interesting.

“There are no shortcuts.” 🥺

he exposed himself i’m interested. what if i were the one to whom that was exposed to... how would i react?

another sample of them explaining to us WHAT WE ALREADY CAN INFER FROM THE SHOW (the conversation actually continues to dumb it down for the audience) but i get it. it’s religion and fiction built together.

oh i just cringed i almost vomited with this 

also can i just share these. these are the funniest thing Chloe said on the show.

ep6

OOF what a horrifying way to start the episode (after the beach fiasco)

they’re holding us. that’s so adorable!!!

ugh. im still cringing.

yes jowa for ella yes pls. ELLA YOU SAID YOU WANT A NICE GUY!!! HE’S THERE!!! i’ll take him if you won’t!

Chloe if you don’t want Lucifer, i’ll take him too!

can i say how proud i am of Chloe and Dan’s relationship. it’s very healthy for what they are. add Lucifer and Dan to that too! we love men.

also the women in this show have bad taste in men. (except for who Linda married, i guess)

we love the seasonal girl’s night!

that whole charlie thing being amused by lucifer’s devil face is the best bit

was it Michael calling? and oh noooo ;(

FUCKEN MICHAEL

ngl i could have waited for another season for them to have sex on season 6 episode 6 but sure have it at season 5.

ep7

we love a person who wakes up and is not pretty. princess anna who? (i mean she is wearing full on make up, but we’re okay with that snore)

Deckerstar!! they made a word for it

our mojo??? does it only work on lucifer or does it work when she does it to others as well, we shall find out.

oh no! Lucifer’s isn’t working at all HAHAHAHA

it’s currently 2:19 AM. i am tired and sleepy.

Dan talking to Charlotte 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Fucking Michael

oh he emphasized archangel Michael. with my limited knowledge being raised Catholic, i was going to ask earlier if he was an archer because he had crooked shoulders. AND I JUST CHECKED. ARCHANGEL MEANS HIGH RANKING ANGEL NOT AN ANGEL WHO’S A FUCKING ARCHER. me being raised Cathlolic means nothing. HAHAHH

now i’m realizing if i see an angel, maybe i won’t be in the situation where i’ll see Amenadiel but Michael

NO NO NO AMENADIEL

i love this HAHAHAHAHA

knew it. called it! worked on lucifer ONLY. HOW CAN TWO PEOPLE BE THAT MADE FOR EACH OTHER. LORD BAKA NAMAN.

i’m ella shipping them.

THEYRE SPEAKING TAGALOG HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

what song was that? “When it hurts, just to breathe” same

The Shining reference no thank you pls

NAAAH i really can’t do horror things especially not with things i truly fear and when i don’t have a curtain on. No thanks.

14:54 and i’m watching again open the lights bro, it’s easier to find clues that way   also i do get that they’re closing it to ensure that the killer is not there but theyre also moving like the killer is not there anyway so better open up the lights! tho i really know nothing about crime solving (i just typed crime solving instead of solving crimes didn’t i)

we stan ella’s healthy relationship!!!

can i just say there was a time where i can’t even say serial killer out loud so this is really hard for me to watch alone

i know that he’s vulnerable around the detective. BUT SHE SAID HE CHOSE TO BE SO BY NOW HE SHOULDN’T BE AFFECTED BY WHAT HE DID.

Fucken Michael.

ep8

how attractive can you be that even in slow motion, you look great.

oh apparently he did not die.

ALSO OO NGA CHLOE. US2 MO SIYA MAMATAY TEH.

CHLOE THE OVERTHINKER but i get it. BUT STILL.

you know that montage of people just studying and it’s now happening to chloe trying to solve a crime. that’s my cinematography goal HAHAHA. it’s been awhile since i’ve been invested in studying like that.

Lucifer can be just so immature some times

is KillShare based off of SkillShare?

also i’m thinking that Chloe was either taken by Michael or Dan or the SK.

that ring of Lucifer on Maze is probably the longest ring someone has waited for.

i love Maze’s eye make up! ALL THE TIME!

if the lady here is not detective and they’re relieved. that’s just fucked up, man. they were slightly relieved. that’s good acting HAHAHAHAHA.

I’M JUST PRAYING TO GOD THAT PETE REALLY IS A GOOD GUY AND NOT THE SERIAL KILLER COZ I CAN’T HATE THAT GUY PLEASE. the key and the research!!! WTF. stop trying to be smart, show!!!

his mojo is back, does that mean Chloe is gone? 😢

OH AFTER THE TAPES, I THINK IT IS THE BOYFRIEND. DAMN SHE’S REALLY INTO BAD MEN, ISN’T SHE?

I’M SO SCARED. THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

THE FLOWERS ARE FRIGGIN KILLING ME.

kamukha niya pa si Penn Badgley, nice.

DOES HE GENUINELY LIKE HER OR IS THE KISS TO THROW HER OFF GUARD.

AH NO. i think he genuinely likes her. except that she... you know found that he’s a fucking murderer

HAHAHA PETE

right??? why does this show have to say everything out loud like don’t already know.

oh he just used her but then he liked her. idk. the way he speaks too, so nonchalant.

preach, ELLA!!!! shout out to those who had crappy childhoods and are not serial killers! that’s the bare minimum i guess.

go, Ella!!! know your worth!

lol made me love Pete, he’s funny.

ok my assumptions were right-ish.

HAHAHA, his american accent.

his choosing to be bot vulnerable around her anymore, Michael, i think is a way of him staying alive for Chloe but ofc Chloe will think that Lucifer would rather have his vulnerability than to be with her.

baka di lang love language ni Lucifer words of affirmation, okay! HE SAVED HER LIFE SO MANY TIMES AND NOW SHE’S DOUBTING BECAUSE HE HASN’T SAID I LOVE YOU YET??? SIZ. HE LITERALLY LEFT HELL FOR YOU.

MICHAEL STOP. Michael the shit stirrer. we all have that one friend.

awa me kay Maze. she’s like a lost dog throughout the show.

does Michael want to be God?

skipped thru the speech. cringe.

what’s Amenadiel’s problem with his child having a normal cold? what’s wrong if he’s a mere mortal?

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SHO’W SO INSECURE. i get so annoyed every time Chloe’s mad that Lucifer doesn’t get what he wants

it’s just that i resonate with Lucifer. it’s hard for me to say i love you and now i think Amenadiel stopped time.

oh. i thought Amenadiel’s fears about Charlie being mortal was superficial, i just realized that he was afraid that his child was going to die. but, he can take him to heaven like what he did with Charlotte, right?

oh Michael.

MAZE! MICHAEL IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!!!! you’re fine! i don’t have a soul either.

celestial beings and their daddy issues and inability to communicate with one another and the desire to fight it out as if that’s the solution

HOTTEST BROTHERS EVER DAMN.

itong si God ngayon lang magpapakita anuna siz.

WHY ISN’T HE PLAYED BY MORGAN FREEMAN BUT OK.

CLIFFHANGER!!! IM MAD.

ep 8 should have been called blueballz tbh

[finding-the-daylight]

It’s been a long, stressful week. So, I’m going to drunk-watch Twilight (this is part 1, I’ll do a part 2 later). So far, I have drunk watched and reviewed Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Part 1, and Breaking Dawn Part 2. I will probably drunk-watch and review New Moon some time in the near future. My sober review of Twilight is that it is the best of all the movies (But New Moon though, I know, it’s a very close second for me). I love that it was meant to be like a cool, niche indie film and Catherine Hardwicke is the best. The baseball scene. The meadow scene. The bio scene. Iconic. Anyway, my drunken thoughts are below the cut as per usual:

- So I know it’s like .0 seconds into this ish, but I just realized when Bella’s tlakign about dying in the place of someone she loves @ the beginning, we see the deer and then in BD2, when the mountain lion tries to kill the deer, Bella kills the mountain lion. Feels like symbolism idk.

- Phil really is like 25 years old lmao. Does it ever say how old he is? He looks young af. 

- Forks seems super depressing. Like the scenery is cool, but like there’s no one there? Only 3,000 people? Boring af.

- everything is so green and blue and aesthetically pleasing, thank you catherine

- i just realized the picture above the shelf with cds is also of a deer. the deer is important.

- the friendship between charlie and billy is all i want in life

- the truck literally brought a smile to my face. and the whsikey. 

- the high shcool looks more like a fancy ass mansion and idk why no one else has ever called out this fake shit

- eric is so precious an we deserved more of hom

- bella playing volleybal is me lamo i’m so uncoordinated at throwing shit liek that hahaha

- i just keep thinking about how anna kendrick forgot she was in this movie. if i played a character as written in canon by smeyer, i’d probably choose to forget it too. 

- mike is so fcking creepy lmao he could’ve been written better but smey r said no

- if people don’t look @ me and my mans on my wedding day the wya they look @ rosalie and emmett int he cafeteria scenr then imma fuking fight

- do not disrecpt carlisle like that hoe he is a flawless mna and deserve your full respecgt

- what the fuck i hate this scnee now that ik now abotu banner fck smyer’s nast y ass

- also lmao @ rob’s face he was foin to fuckng mucj

- wy the fuc did bella wear a bowling shirt over al ong gray shirt?

- my arms feel heavy af right now lmaooooo

- the lady they had play renene lowkey looks like krisen they did a good job casting them

- oooooh hell yeah eyes on fire time bitch

- emmett is my fave pullign up on top the jeep and hopping out like it’s nothing

- this scene is actually pwowrful because bella’s wathcin g the cullens but her human friends try to get her attention so it’s liek she’s being torn between the two worlds. cahterine’s mind

- i duckinf love the aesthetic and scnery of this movie

- mike really said how you likin da rain girlllllll lmao

- when edward apologizes though lowkey that shit’ cute and i would’ve fotgiven him too

- this bitch lied. tlaking about i don’t like any cold thing. homie. you a damn lie.

- “i’m just trying to figure you out” mhy ex said th  same damn thing lmaoooo bitch i ain’t about to let you figre me out unless yo uput a ring on it-

- whne i say edward stopping the van was ome iconic shit i mena inconng

- awww hell ya the hot doc is almost here

the moment i’ve ukjng been waiting on

- i love carlisle i’m so fucking thirsty for this bitch even though i just downed som mufng whiskey

- literally carlisle could get it period.

- rosalie is 1000% a daddy’s girl like anytime someone gives her shit she runs to carlisle and he’s got her back. he only supported edward and bella becaus esme did and she’s a hopeless romatic and carlisle loves that about her. but if it wans;t for esme, edward would’ve gotten his as sent lmao.

- if you see acreepy dude int eh corne of your room what ar you gonna do?

- agaain with the shot of bella being town between the humans vand vamps chathetiner’s mind

- tbh i eel like i know what should’v happened in canon better than smeyr at this poijtn and it’s not canpn that the cullens would’ve gone on a field trip. they just wouldn’t have like it’s extra risk and it’s unnecsary.

- edwar’ds fae when jessica rna upt talking about mike lmaoooooooo

- not gonan lie i love thsit shirt bella’s wearing when they’ra tlaking about la push kind of wanti kt

- the dumbas s salsd

- i want an edward fanvid to  bad guy by bullie easihr lish

- love thatb ella encouageed angela to ask etic to prom. a feminsit quenenne

- why di d theyr rcarst the original embry and quil? 

- when taylor said old scar tsotry the midwest accent popped thef ick out

- i love jow bellas all serious baout this shit and jake doesnt give af he’s like bitch it aint real lmaoooo

- i stan laurent and i’m so angry about what smeer did to him

why do people just layo out in the sun like this lmaoooo

- awww i’m so happy fro angela i love her

- bella was ahrdore fucking femimnist and it should’ee been more cental to the plot fmeinist bella never would’ve tolerated half the shit she tolerated from jale and edwar.snmeyr has no consitnency

- why tf would opu statt wlaking down a dark alley @ night

- edward saves the day from thos ecuckgjn scumbags

- i just relaized they/re usposed to be in wahsingtob but they have fucmngn oregon plates on the car lmaooooo

- but if a dude whopeped his car lioke that idc what kinda car he drove even a volvo that shti sexy aaf

- he looks so fcking angry lmaooooo @ jess and angela

- yhis scene is cute but it also looks like this is where rob regretted his decision t op lay an emo edodei boi

- the older ig et the creeperi it gets to me that edward followed her like yeah it worked and he ended up resuing her but like still creep yas fuk

- carlisle in that coat at the staitons does a lot for me

- if i was chalrie iw ould’ve given her a hwoel ass taser

- someone tell me why bella tbought the book if she was just goign to golg.e it all

- edward weares the same thign evry damn day lmaooooo

- why werent the yf facgtin eah other when bella was tlaking this shit is too mcuh 

- i wouldn’t be afriad eitgher @ carlise

- it would be fun to run tlike that thou lnao m

- the spakrling skin thuing is funny af while durnki thogjh

- eddie bou is so damn emo and overramatic liek bitch yo uuahgt feelings too chill thf out 

- efawrd remind sme s omcuhg of chuck in gossip girl has anyone else thoguth this

- bella striahgtu p toldthis dumbass she was aafrianf onky of losing him and he left her in the next one

- the meadowa as fucking iconing as everrrrrrr

- i;m not gonna make it through this hwole  movie i’m tired watch out for part 2

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛