#why write a fic when i can just imagine it very vividly in my head instead???

[1uvtae]

i think i just saw my ex. | jeon jungkook

★ word count: 10k- yay!

★ genre: classic exes to lovers,,,with slightly suggestive smut,,,and fluff...and the typical mutual pinning that may be a tad (a lot) angst... also TENSION. SOO MUCH TENSION!!!!! and both y/n and jungkook are trying to play hard to get which might be a bit crack up!!!

★ summary/snippet: jeon jungkook is your ex from many years ago, and you think you might've just seen him in a bar…and a part of you is definitely craving him.

★ kae's little chat: playing the typical kae exes to lovers theme, cos all i write about is exes to lovers micro-fics!! (this might be the only thing i'm good at writing) I recently just bought this glazed donut lanolips lip balm and it is what I religiously used while writing this fic for a whole ass week and I hope this fic tastes and smells like glazed donuts to you guys too ;) also a quick tag for @cassies-cookies!!! the fic has arrived!!!

enjoy a little teaser before you start!! can i consider this as an appetizer??

do you want to give me some feedback? request something fun? chit chat with me?!

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︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

you are 99.9% sure you just saw your ex.

you can't add that 0.1% on because 1) it is so darn dark in this bar, the annoying flashing lights poking through your eyes and into your soul, and 2), you are drunkenly intoxicated right now.

but gosh, that side profile looks almost identical to him. you've tried to follow him with your gaze, but all you got to closely view was the back of his head. (the very familiar back of his head, may you add.)

this isn’t something you expected on a nice friday evening. 

when you randomly woke up in the middle of the night, you realised you typed quite some texts and paragraphs to that familiar number of his, but it seemed like you were way too drunk to hit “send”. thank god.

blank-eyed, staring at the unsent texts, you felt a stinging pain in your chest. 

you’re not the type to go back to any of your exes, and all your break-ups have been straightforward and savage. plus, you dumped him first!!!

you sit up on your bed, finger tracing over the floral details of your quilt cover. maybe it was because your partners after him have all been so lame, yes definitely that. additionally, you’ve been very single and lonely for the past few months, that’s exactly why you are missing him.

he wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, you remember how childish he was, and was quite protective over you- which was one of the reasons you two didn’t end well. 

but on the other hand…

he was a really good sex partner. you two mended flawlessly together. not to boost his ego or something, but that boy definitely can fuck.

you sighed loudly, pulling the covers over your head. the night is still so long, but you do not have any of the calmness to fall back into sleep.

oh, the long, dark night.

after a whole day of debating and contemplating, you ended up hanging out with a few of your friends back at that specific bar. tonight, you needed someone to get your mind off your ex that you saw yesterday.

when excusing yourself to the bathrooms, you brushed past someone's shoulder in the hallways while scrolling through your instagram feed; he had a broad and tall frame, and his vividly tattooed hand holding a glass cup, and you felt the urge to jerk your head back to see his face. 

thinking “this is someone to take my mind off him!!”, you turn your head and your wild imagination completely halts. you feel your eyes widen and your pupils might as well fall onto the ground - it’s your ex. 

thank god you just got your hair done a few days back and you were head down, focusing on your phone the whole time, so he didn’t even glance at you. your heart completely dropped and skipped a beat, and you rushed into the bathroom to freshen up. 

after you walked out of the restroom, you carefully scanned every table for his silhouette, after locating the target, you walked a good lap around his booth to eye him out. fairly, he wasn’t hard to look for, judging by his clean undercut under those dark brown locks, and his perfect complexions, everyone seemed to notice him the way you did. you spot two girls walking up to him, offering him drinks in exchange for his number. 

you were now more than certain that this was your ex… and you’re also certain that you’ll never get over how attractive he is. 

once you’ve fallen for jeon jungkook, you’ll never fall out.

on the way home you remembered how hard you worked to get him to date you, it was almost rejection after rejection. and then you dumped him?! gosh, now it will be even more difficult to get his attention.

you feel like giving up instantly at that thought, but you cannot help yourself texting your mutual friend yerin: “did jungkook come back?” 

your friend did not respond, which leads to whatever you’re doing right now - sitting on your couch, stalking through social media accounts. it was not under his old username, which made it difficult to find. but you remembered his dog’s name. 

after typing bam’s name into the search bar, it only took a few scrolls to find a decent amount of photos and videos of the brown doberman. after clicking into his account, you sigh. he never posts himself, just some more dog posts and a few random scenery shots. 

continuing to watch every single video of bam, you see that the newest video of the cute dog was taken in another location that didn’t look like the place from the video from before. clicking on the comments, one from his friend reads “you moved?” he replied: “yeah”

you moved, or did you come back?

just realizing what you’ve been doing stupidly for the last 20 minutes, you lock your screen and toss your phone onto the coffee table. your friend responded right after the phone dropped onto the surface. 

“yeah, he quit his job last month, he probably came back” 

did he quit his job?

although he moved to a different city after the breakup, he still worked for the same company you worked for - that could’ve been a reason to reconnect. but now that he has quit that job, it makes it impossible for you to even have an excuse to hit him up.

yerin double-texted, “what’s up abt jungkook?”

you: i think i saw him recently

you: he’s still so fine 

yerin understood your tone extremely well, responding immediately: do you want me to plan a group dinner or something this week

you: yes please, i’m free every night this week

yerin: y/n, i meant ONLY group dinner…nothing else.

you: of course just dinner…what were you thinking?

yerin: i know you way too well

yerin: you obviously don’t only want dinner

you: hm

yerin was very speedy with her planning skills, the dinner was booked to be this friday night, it wasn’t weird at all since you and jungkook did have the same social circle for years, and considering he just came back, it was just more of a couple of friends and coworkers gathering together to celebrate. but yerin did not hint to him that you were also going to attend this dinner at all.

you stood in front of the mirror, your outfit was carefully picked out, and you spent almost 2 hours doing your makeup- in these years, your style has changed drastically, but you still wore the same fragrance he gifted you.

to create your ‘grand entrance’, you decided to show up late by 20 minutes, just so you can look casual and not too prepared to see jungkook. when you were on the road, you received a speedy text from yerin: be mentally prepared for what’s coming.

huh? be prepared for what?

when you were led to the table of the reservation, you realized what she meant.

you recognised every single face, except one. there was an unfamiliar girl seated right next to jungkook. jungkook wore a casual black hoodie, his hair slightly fluffing out. looking almost too soft to touch. you tried very hard not to lay your eyes on him for too long - since you already got a very personal look from the girl that was seated next to him. 

yerin mutters under her breath when you seat yourself next to her, which is right across him. “he brought that random girl over.” 

you keep that in mind, starting to greet your friends, then shooting a look back at yerin,  then whispering “if you told me this was gonna happen i would’ve turned around on the spot and sprinted back home!!!”

(yerin did tell you after the meal that the second you walked into the room, there were almost no expressions on his face. you don’t know if he was already expecting you, or if he just did not care about you whatsoever.)

you hope it’s not the second option.

the dinner was french cuisine, everyone had already ordered some sort of grilled steak while you decided to order sole fish fillets. sipping your chardonnay, you oversee the girl nudge jungkook’s arm, softly asking, gesturing at your transparent drink: “kook, what did that girl order?” he puts his glass down, responding with a gentle tone: “white wine. you pair white wine with fish. wine with red meats.” “so that's why you ordered red wine for me?” she nods before asking again.

“mhm.” he nods in response, taking a sip of water, with his very charming and endearing smile. 

you almost knock over your wine glass when slamming it back down on the table with aggression, suddenly this chardonnay tastes like fucking ass. 

you listen quietly to everyone talking about careers and how they’ve been doing recently, jungkook occasionally opens his mouth to input or say something. you realize how mature he has grown over these years, he speaks like a logical, grown man, and is completely not the person you were with a while back. you remember the old gatherings when you and he were dating - he barely says a word during the whole meal. not going to lie, this well-spoken jungkook is super attractive.

the main course came very fast after the drinks. you gasp at the fancy plating. the girl in front of you takes her knife and fork, struggling to slice the red meat. she slowly glances over to jungkook, and he notices her stare, speedily finishing up cutting up his plate, and offering her his already perfectly sliced steak, taking her uncut serving for himself.

after that, you put down the knife and fork, containing yourself to not roll your eyes.

that was an eyeful. might as well just not eat this shitty meal.

after that awful meal, they all planned to go for a second round, but jungkook said that he couldn’t go because he had to drive the girl home. after hearing that, you lost every interest you had in going for shots, which caused you to head straight home on a friday evening at 9 pm. how eventful.

taking a thoughtful and steamy shower, you decided to put a face mask on. a notification from no other than yerin broke the night’s silence.

yerin: jungkook’s here

you bounced up from your bed, replying within a millisecond. 

y/n: huh? why is he there?

yerin: he’s sitting on the table next to ours

yerin: u coming?

you close your eyes, every single imagination you had got crushed today when you saw the girl that he brought. it was almost hurtful now that you think about it.

yerin continued to add: he didn't bring the girl, if that’s what you’re wondering

hm…you hesitated for a while, but gave up. you can’t be interested in someone with a girlfriend-

yerin: and!! tae was being nosy so he asked him

yerin: turns out that the girl was just a blind date his mum arranged

yerin: not his gf

yerin: u still have a chance yk!!

you yanked the face mask off, rushing to redo your makeup again. you didn’t even bother to drive there, calling an uber instead. before entering the bar, you ensured yerin grabbed jungkook to sit at the same table. 

just when everything was planned beautifully and you were ready to make your grand entrance pt2, you bumped into a client who was by the bar table. how can you reject a business client? quick answer: you can’t. it’s a business client.

having to sit with a stranger by the bar table, but unable to walk to that table with your friends (and your ex)  might be the biggest struggle you’ve ever gotten yourself into. by the time you and the client had finished chatting and drinking, jungkook had left not only the table but the entire nightclub.

oh my gosh, you are going to lose your mind! a whole full stomach of alcohol and yet you still haven’t gotten to use your flirting tactics on your ex that you’ve been missing. you did not feel like staying at all, dragging yerin to get out of this hellhole. 

but who knew you’d see him again in the parking lot?

every cloud has a silver lining.

and there jungkook stood, leaning against his flashy black mercedes, phone to his ear. the second you saw him, you knew what to do. you were going to fake being drunk. you link arms with yerin, stumbling your steps and attempting to slur your words. yerin has to straighten you up manually when she goes over to jungkook. “hey jungkook! i thought you already left.” jungkook puts the phone back into his pocket. “i was just about to.”

yerin wasn’t hesitant at all, almost shoving you at him, thinking he’d help grab onto you, but he did not move a single muscle. her last resort was to lean you against the car. “perfect! can you drive y/n home? the girls are still waiting for me so…”

he opened his mouth to speak, you figured he was going to reject yerin. before a single sound came out of his mouth, yerin quickly interrupted him, “amazing! thanks so much, dude!! okayimjustgonnago-!” from your peripheral vision, you could see her almost sprint from the parking lot back into the front door of the club.

all that was left was you, who was faking drunk, and jungkook, with his brows, knitted, looking down at you.

judging from how rapidly yerin ran away from you, jungkook knows he can’t do anything else other than drive you home. he sighed and held open the passenger’s door for you. he raised his chin, gesturing you to hop in.“get in yourself.” he heard you chuckle at his words, turning to him and giving him a judging glance, then getting into the seat.

jungkook was extremely confused, and only realized the reason when he got into the driver's seat.

you seemed to not let that joke go, “i’m in, what now?” jungkook keeps a straight face while starting the engine. “seatbelt.”

he drove out of the parking lot, and he immediately hit a left turn, driving towards the direction of your house. after a few moments, he turned his head towards her at a red light. “where do you live?” your eyes were shut, leaning back on the seat, not wanting to respond to him.

jungkook does not want you to know that he still remembers your address off by heart like an idiot, so he turns into a random street on his right and keeps on driving. after feeling the car stopping, you open your eyes, peeking out the window. 

the hotel?? he drove you to a hotel?? you kept your eyes shut, as a silent protest to not get out of the car. you knew jungkook too well, he probably wanted to just leave your ass in the hotel, and you won’t get to ever see him again if you went with that.

jungkook nudges you with a finger hesitantly. you didn’t even budge. after a deep sigh from the man in the driver's seat, you hear the engine start again. 

he always drove at a perfect steady pace. you swear you almost dozed off when you felt the car stop in the underground parking garage. 

jungkook gently held onto you up the elevator, you heard the sound of a door unlocking, and your ears perked up when the sound of the door opening was followed by a loud bark from bam.

he brought you back to his place. that perfectly goes with your plan!!

you behaved the entire way home just for this moment. all that acting led up to this moment. he locked the front door, then squatted in front of you to help you take off your black heels. you were going to be using the moment wisely- when jungkook carried you over to the couch to put you down, you scratched his lower torso aggressively with your right hand. 

it was a strong scratch, causing the person carrying you to let a harsh hiss under his breath. he looked down at your sharply shaped nails, then at the girl in his hands right now, your eyes were shut, lashes slightly fluttering.

he always liked working out and had an almost daily streak of hitting up the gym, resulting in his body being super in shape. he had the perfect model figure- abs, pecs, shoulders, you name it. he has it. you look back on how great he was at using his strength advantage in bed, gosh, he was perfect.

even being able to leave a little scratch on his skin could do something to you right now.

jungkook goes straight into the kitchen to pour you a cup of water. the first thing he did though, was lift up his hoodie and inspect the scratch. and under the hoodie, lay two vivid red scratch marks on his lower abdomen. the bright marks went from his veins into his spank bank, the vivid images of you under his control, he reminisces how you always loved scratching his back, his neck, and his shoulders when he hit your soft spots. jungkook’s skin was always very sensitive, making it effortless to leave marks and bruises for days. he recalls his friends making fun of the scratch marks you left on his back ever so often during the few summers when you and he were dating.

by the time he recollected himself and brought you the glass of water, you were already fast asleep on his leather couch. he watches you for a while and realizes you still look the same after this many years. more mature, but still the appearance he could never forget, even in his dreams. his eyes fall on your delicate ears before he puts a stop to his mind.

he clears his throat. “go sleep in the bedroom.”

your eyelashes flutter as you turn to face the other side of the couch, mumbling something inaudible to yourself before getting back into your dreamland.

jungkook: “y/n?”

his ears catching a delicate airy whine leave your mouth.

jungkook isn’t too fond of whatever game you are playing, but he knows what you want to do to him. he’s matured and grown now, not the loverboy that was wrapped around your pinky finger anymore. he can read expressions off your face very accurately. considering the fact that it has been years since the breakup, and you had never broken the non-contact thing.

and suddenly after he got back into town, a reuniting dinner was planned, you showed up to the clubs, and whatever yerin was trying to do, and now- you are in his house, on his couch. he knows exactly what you’re trying to do.

this is exactly the little tricks you used to play, and he fell head-first into it last time.

he promised himself that he would never fall into the same hole twice!

but of course, he won’t let you sleep on his couch for the whole night. this two-seater leather couch is extremely small for anyone to find comfort in. your figure is curled up in the soft seats, and he notices your legs almost dangling out from the couch. 

he bends down to swoop you up, and by instinct, your arms find his neck. he slowly makes his way towards the bedroom, not wanting to wake up the girl in his arms.

considering this was a brand-new apartment, jungkook doesn’t have a bed yet- it’s just a mattress in the middle of the floor. he lowers his body carefully and places you in the centre of the bed, thinking your arms would instantly unwrap themselves from your neck, he tries to stand back up. but your grip on him was way too tight, jungkook almost lost his balance, but his reaction was fast enough for him to use his arm strength to hold on both sides of the bed, keeping a small dangerous distance from falling on top of you. his warm breath lands on your exposed neck, and you feel the warmth melting on your collarbones. 

you had to keep everything within yourself to not pull him closer, hoping he would find his balance to move away from you, instead, it’s almost as if he bowed his head lower, leaving more burning breath marks on your collarbones. the itchy feeling almost numbing. you couldn’t help but slightly peel your eyes open discreetly- through your lashes, you realise he was already on his feet again, simply pulling the covers up for you. 

the soft quilt falls on top of your lower torso, and his warm hand ‘accidentally’ brushes against your thigh before he completely gets up. he watches your reaction for a short while, but nothing from your side. he knew if it this was two years ago, you would’ve absolutely gone for it right now. he remembers even if his hand slightly rested on your thigh while driving, you would immediately get him to pull up on the side of the road for a heated makeout session. but it looks like, y/n is not the y/n he remembered.

jungkook turned off the big light, leaving a small night lamp on by the bedside table before patting bam to follow him back to the living room, planning to deal with the couch for the night. 

honestly speaking, if he stayed for even one more single second, you wouldn’t be sure what you’re capable of doing to him.

painful, very painful.

it was almost 4 am when you opened your eyes, trying to adjust to the dim lighting of the room. your eyes land on the agape bedroom door. from where you’re resting, you can clearly see most of the living room. there he lay, on the couch. 

jungkook normally sleeps just in his boxers, but considering the fact that you’re in the residence, he had to grab a pair of sweats to cover up. you observe the man on the couch, he is lying on his back, and you end up studying his figure. you could tell he was wearing nothing under those grey sweats- gosh the grey sweats and his shirtless body?! 

you shut your eyes and sigh. contain yourself y/n. 

if you weren’t already, you’re surely hungry for jeon jungkook now.

but you must control yourself now- jungkook knows what game you’re playing, and so do you. he’s such a slippery fish to catch- you can’t just pull the rod as soon as you hook him? 

and, it looks like he wasn’t going to give in tonight that easily too.

this can be a fun game to play.

you watch him for a little longer, he turns his body to sleep on his right side, now his body fully facing you. well- this is awful. it took no time for you to fall asleep for the millionth time, this time- it was a heavy sleep. the scent of his bed surrounding you.

you decide to stay in his bed for a little longer because you know you have to leave the second you wake up. 

jungkook also stayed home today, heading into the bathroom to clean up, then making breakfast, following up with feeding bam, and lastly back to the couch, attending a business call meeting. 

if you didn’t have to use the bathroom so urgently, you could stay in his bed until noon. you crawled out of bed to stretch, then mentally prepared yourself to walk out of his room. well, you can’t fake drunk anymore, can you?

after coming out of the washroom, you slowly walk to jungkook, trying not to interrupt him. “...do you know where my phone went…?” 

his gaze did not leave the laptop screen, his chin raised slightly, directing you to the device on the coffee table- where your phone lay. you hesitantly collect your phone, wanting to thank him about yesterday, but the sight of him so focused stops you. you didn’t have the heart to interrupt him, making way to the entrance. 

you put your heels on while watching bam play with his ball on the side. the doberman notices you, walking over to you while cocking his head which reminds you of how jungkook would always do. you reach a hand out to pat his head but bam back up immediately out of caution. 

feeling a little butthurt, you ask: “don’t remember me?”

not only forgetting about you, but bam also leaves to sit next to the man on the couch. jungkook gives bam an endearing rub, then looks up at you, standing by the door. 

wow, bam. he always preferred jungkook over you, even when you and him were together.

you glance at the black-brown dog….but now you have a reason to contact him again.

although finding his social media account was a hassle, his phone number never changed. the same night after leaving his house, you found the number that you almost accidentally texted.

y/n: can i pick bam up from yours

he replied almost instantly: and you are?

you let out a light laugh in unbelief before texting back: y/n

then it took a good 30 minutes to get a text back. “sure thing, but only if he wants to go home with you.”

you roll your eyes at the obvious fact that: of course bam doesn’t want to go home with you?! considering the cold shoulder he gave you this morning. 

but it’s okay since the cute dog was never the target to go for in the first place.

the day after the text, you went straight to his apartment after work, not bothering to change out of your work outfit- because you knew he was very into this specific set. it was a simple creamy white formal skirt set with black opaque tights.( and he loved this set. so much to the point by the time you normally got back home, he would press you onto the couch immediately. your skirt would usually be wrinkly by the time you two were done.)

jungkook answered the door, his eyes instantaneously landing on the girl in front of him, his eyes slightly widened for a split second. he has to admit, that you recognize his preferences a little too well. 

it's not because he likes the pantyhose with skirt look, but more because it is on you. especially because he would watch you get ready for work all seriously, and you would get home and find his shoulders immediately, draping on top of him all tired and worn out from socializing. and he was a whore for it. 

he’s literally hooked for you.

he opened the door wide open for you, he didn’t have any spare slippers in the house, so before you could take your slip heels off, he stopped you. “no need.” 

after shutting the door, he opened his mouth: “you didn’t bring anything?”

you’re here to pick up bam, and yet you came empty-handed, causing bam to only take one glance at you before jumping on the couch, disinterested. 

jungkook brought bam’s toys and treats over to you, yet bam didn’t even budge, to the point where he had to physically carry him over to you. it seemed like bam wasn't having any of this, not even giving you any sort of attention. jungkook had to give him a big encouraging talk before handing the medium-sized dog over to you. 

you needed a lot of strength to hold the doberman in your arms while jungkook went to get a dog leash. the second bam saw the leash in jungkook’s hands,he started to struggle out of your grasp, struggling to get out of your embrace. 

you weren’t prepared for the dog to be so strong, before you could let go of him, he had already left a faint bite mark on your arm, you winced under your breath while watching bam hop over to jungkook’s feet. jungkook hurried to drop the leash, coming up to you. “are you all good?”

“just a bite.” you brought your arm to his eye level, it wasn’t bleeding or anything, just a clear bite. “i’ve got some antibiotic ointment. you want some?”

you nodded your head. “sure.”

“...do you want to those off then?”

“hm?” you followed his eyes, looking down at your tights, a hole had been scratched open too, and you didn’t realize that maybe bam had also scratched you on the leg while trying to get out of your grasp. “yeah- yeah. i’ll do that.” you answered after excusing yourself to the bathroom. taking off the nylons, you threw them into the laundry basket before checking the scratch.

it was nothing but a pink line, you hurried out of the room, scared that by the time you headed out, it would already have faded. 

jungkook was already seated on the familiar couch by the time you finished taking your tights off. you went over and seated down extremely close to him. pressing your thigh against his knee to show him the faint mark. he kept a very straight face while taking out the otc ointment from the first aid kit. he treated the few marks, you don't know if it was intentional or not, but he applied way too much on the injuries, leaving a big patch of your skin covered in ointment. 

you look at him, who is now putting the cream back into the box. he clears the silence, “it doesn’t seem like he wants to go with you.”

you let out a sigh, looking at the dog resting by jungkook’s side. “it’s a shame that he completely forgot about me.”

“it’s been too long since he last saw you, that’s why.” he gives loving pats to bam, and you find an endearing smile creeping on your face at the scene. you muttered under your breath, “i missed him, i definitely wanted to live with him.” jungkook turned his head from the dog to you, adding “i take great care of him, and he likes me more.” 

you went silent. that’s an unarguable fact. the silence went on for another minute when he spoke again. “gotta rebuild the trust again.” 

your ears perk up at his comment…does this mean you can come to visit more often…to build the relationship again?

but you know it’s petty unlike for bam to like you again, lowering your head slightly, you mention, “i don’t think so,” you look up into his glassy, pure eyes, “i don’t want to force it. he looks way more comfortable with you anyway.” you’re not sure if jungkook wanted to hear that, but his brows slightly knot as he slowly opens his mouth to speak. “you’re giving up? even just being friends?” 

your eyes immediately widen- you’re not sure if he meant being friends with bam…or him. he subconsciously avoids eye contact with you, looking back down at bam. “since i- no, bam, can consider you as a co-owner.”

you like the sound of that.

this is something you could get used to.

jungkook didn’t seem like he minded you staying, so you obviously did not have any intentions of leaving just yet. you’re playing with bam (surprisingly you and bam have gotten quite along within an hour) when his takeout arrives. he hesitantly asked you if you wanted to have dinner together, which you agreed happily to. he walked into the kitchen to cook something extra for the two of you.

you weren’t too hungry, but you had to admit you desperately missed his cooking. it was already 9 pm when you and him had finished dinner. the entire time it was filled with small talk and comfortable silence. you left right after dinner, saying farewell to bam, and received a slight nod from jungkook. 

after getting home, your phone buzzed with a notification from jungkook’s number. it was an image of your tights in his laundry basket. you locked the phone without replying and hopped into the shower. 

after doing your skincare, you casually replied: “chuck it in the trash”

jungkook sent a photo of the tights in the rubbish bin with no other caption.

you decided to tease him a little: or you can keep it if you want

jungkook: ……i’m not that gross

as if he has never touched your tights. you don't even remember how many pairs of your stockings he had ripped during the time when you two were together.

as if he could read your mind, he sent a full 2-minute video of him taking the rubbish bag outside, followed by him throwing the plastic bag into the rubbish bin with no remorse. you watch the video on a loop for a few minutes, chuckling to yourself.

you weren’t sure what got into your mind the next day. after taking a relaxing bubble bath after work, something within you told you to find jungkook. although you were very rough from working, you still felt energized to prepare yourself. after putting on a tank top and a skirt- you made your way out. 

your hair still damp, you decided to pick some snacks on the way to his house. with confident and happy steps, you knocked on his door.

no answer. 

you stood outside the locked door, dialing his number: he picked up within two rings, voice relaxed and soft. “what’s up?”

“are you not at home?” 

he paused for a split second “you’re coming over?”

you hummed in response, “i brought fried chicken too.” 

“i’m out fishing.” jungkook said, then changed to a softer tone. “since…it didn’t look like you were coming over tonight.”

you suppressed your laughter, teasingly asked: “so you were waiting for me then?”

the other side of the phone remained silent, causing you to let out a giggle. “i’ll come find you, share your location.” 

he hung up, sharing his location with you right after- a freshwater lake close by. you made your way to his location with no hesitation.

bro he’s actually fishing on this fine evening.

it was extremely dark by the lakeside, but you could make out the figure of many middle-aged men sitting by the lake. turning your phone flashlight on, you spot your familiar ex-boyfriend in the middle of many men. 

he stood up to borrow a foldable stool from the man next to him. you tidied your skirt before sitting real close to him, your arm pressing against his. he looked at you on his side, “it’s too hot.” he muttered. you didn’t move away at all, instead, you decided to lean your head on his broad shoulder. he didn’t move away either.

you didn’t understand the joy of fishing but still watched him the whole time quietly. it felt peaceful to have him against you by the dark, calming lake. 

instead, jungkook felt slightly heated - how is it possible to focus on his rod when he had you leaning on him? it only took him half an hour to start packing his equipment, he couldn’t stand you next to him! you’re such a distraction! (not that he’s complaining…) 

after leaving the lake, you two stood under the road lights, he glanced at you under the warm streetlights. he noticed your glassy eyes of discomfort. he looked down at the few itchy bites on your arms. oh shit- he forgot to remind you about that. 

the lake was surrounded by grassy areas, he was smart by wearing a long sleeve and sweatpants, but he forgot to warn you about the mosquitoes before sending you his location. it was only around 30 minutes, but he could spot a few reddish marks on your arm, waist, and legs.

you didn’t realise this when you were by the lake, but now that you’re under the light, you can see the spots clear as day. jungkook takes your hand to lead you to his car, occasionally having to stop you from touching the mosquito bites. “don’t scratch them, we’ll be home soon.” he tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, before stopping to caress your earlobe for a slight second.

“but it’s itchy.”

“patient.”

you bite down on your lip. patient. you should’ve been patient when you were taking that damn bath!!! this is what you get when you’re too eager for jeon jungkook.

jungkook took you back to his, immediately using a cold damp towel to caress over the little scattered bites. the mosquitos that were by the lakeside were deadly- the small pink dots had turned into a few red swollen bumps. 

you were in his embrace, feeling nothing but defeated. this is literally his second time treating your injuries within two days. a familiar feeling you feel before tearing up runs up your nose, triggering your eyes to start to build up with tears. oh, you feel so guilty right now. almost weeping in his lap, he comforts you on the back while the other hand applies ointment on the bumps, he pulls out a handheld fan to relieve the itching. 

“there’s more on the legs.” you tugged on his sleeve, speaking through sulking. jungkook moves to search for the rest of the bites, not expecting you to lift up your skirt to reveal the red mark on the inside of your left thigh. jungkook hesitates for a split second before applying some of the white ointment on his fingertip, his heart seems to be beating faster than usual - his head spinning, but he ignores it. 

when his hands move closer to the spot, you close your legs slightly out of discomfort, just enough to cover the mark with your panties. jungkook feels his breathing fasten, he uses his middle finger to push the fabric of the underwear out of the way, rubbing the treatment on the spot. he wasn’t too sure what he touched, but he was sure he saw a slight reaction from your body, causing your hand that was holding the skirt to slightly twitch. feeling a twinge of playfulness creep up, he holds the small fan to the spot, turning it on with the press of a button. 

you immediately close your legs out of sensitivity, giving him an alarming look. the second your legs squeezed against each other, jungkook swore he touched your core with his hand. he felt a numb shoot from his hand, through his veins, then right to his scalp. 

you noticed his reaction on his face, and downwards. half of you wanted to take the rare opportunity- but you listened to the other half that told you to slow this down. you decided to leave after that interaction, not giving the both of you what you two obviously want from each other. 

plus, he has the whole night to deal with that problem. and plenty of time to think about you.

talking about giving him time, you made the cruel decision to not contact him for the next few days. not to remind you, there was a load of work you had to do for this week for your job.

you knew jungkook would never break the ‘no contact’ type of thing either, but through some late-night stalking, you did find him updating his social media a little too frequently. either it was some workout progress pictures or his dinner with bam. weird.

the weekend came by fast, yerin texted you wondering if you wanted to go bowling with her, you hesitated, wanting to use tomorrow getting ready to see jungkook and bam. but she added that jungkook was going to be there- and you were immediately sold.

yerin’s boyfriend was decent friends with jungkook, they always hung out together, but right after you and jungkook ended things roughly, her boyfriend did not seem to like you very much. which is very reasonable since you did break up with him over text and whatever. which is something that has been keeping you awake at night lately.

arriving at the bowling alley, you see someone familiar with jungkook…the blind date girl. she had two bottles of sprite in her hands while sitting on the side benches. you can’t help but notice the pair of matching sneakers they had on.

you watch with widened eyes as jungkook goes over to her to converse, his eyes glistening with a smile that you haven’t seen in a while.

you do not like jeon jungkook very much right now.

yerin drags you to go say hi to her boyfriend and jungkook, you get a hesitant and sly “hey” from yerin’s boyfriend while jungkook on the side spares you a glance, just one single glance, to instantly turn back to the girl, the two chatting away. oh okay, so he’s going to do this now. 

out of annoyance, you decided to cheer and clap for every other guy that is up bowling. you immediately caught the attention of one boy, he walked up to you, asking for your number with redness rising from his ears. naturally, you couldn’t reject him right now, giving your number in a swift motion right in front of jungkook. 

still no acknowledgement from him.

finding a spot next to him on the benches, you intentionally sat closer to him. he gave you one warning look before scooting to the other side.

the girl on his right seemed to notice you, sparing you a cautious look while handing jungkook a pre-opened sprite bottle- he took it easily, raising the bottle to his mouth to take a sip out of it. 

you slightly raised your arm, bumping the bottle with some strength just before his lips touched the bottle's mouth…causing a few drops to splatter out and onto the collar of his t-shirt, and his face.

as this was not expected at all, the other girl lets out a sharp gasp before pulling a pack of tissues out of her purse, and he takes it urgently to wipe the liquid off his face. you feel him turning to look at you, head cocked, his tongue poking around his mouth. you decided to play dumb, “shit, i’m so sorry kook, i didn't mean to do that.”

the girl on the other side kept calling jungkook by kook the whole time, hearing the nickname leave your mouth, he knows exactly what you’re doing. you’re doing this again.

jungkook didn’t make a single sound, while yerin’s boyfriend couldn’t help but let out a chuckle out his mouth at your actions.

when he got the chance to bowl, he took it very seriously, pins knocked after pins. yerin nudges you to capture your attention: “it’s definitely because he wants to show off to someone he’s interested in.” 

you: “can’t be that blind-dating girl, can it?”

yerin: “well it’s not you…not after all that…”

you commented sourly: “she’s not his type.”

yerin gives you a knowing smile. “y/n oh y/n.”

“i know yerin, i’m being very stupid. but i can’t help it.”

you fully understand what “the grass is always greener on the other side” means now. you want what you can’t have.

the loud sound of many pins being knocked down, this is his second strike in a row- a turkey, if you will. your eyes darted towards him after the ‘STRIKE’ was displayed on the screen, but he was looking at the girl sitting on the bench, currently giving him two thumbs-ups.

he responded with a boyish smile.

and that was your cue to leave. you told yerin you felt like leaving early, and she grabbed your arm before you could go. “we’re nearly done then we’re getting dinner, you really wanna leave?” “yeah, i’m going…” you replied, uninterested anymore.

driving home, your phone buzzed many times when you hit a red light. yerin notified you that once you left, it seemed like jungkook also lost his energy to continue playing, hitting only a few pins before leaving with the girl without staying afterwards. 

an idea popped into your head, causing you to spin the wheel and turn back- to his house.

this will be the final time you’ll ever willingly go to his house if this does not work out the way you wanted.

when you arrive at the familiar door, you know he probably hasn’t gotten home just yet. you decided to wait outside. the thought that what if he brought the girl home? races through your mind as you suddenly shoot up, contemplating whether you should just hop into the elevator and go home before you vividly see that image happen in front of your eyes.

you are now facing the closed elevator, a shaky finger hovering over the “↓” button. just before physically pressing it, the ‘ding’ from the elevator pulled you back to reality from your thoughts. you watch the door open at a snail's pace, revealing the figure of one specific person- just one, thank god.

jungkook has his phone in one hand, scrolling through emails when he notices that a person is standing outside of the elevator. and it was you. his girl.

eyes meet. he holds strong eye contact, and you could look right through those brown eyes. no words were needed at this moment. the distance between the two of you closes when he hurries to unlock the door, takes your purse and throws it onto the couch, pushing you against the back of the door. everything just simply felt right. his right hand immediately found itself slightly pinching the soft flesh of your earlobe- as if it was made to rest on top of your lobe.

you seriously missed being this close to him, feeling your knees weaken as he pressed his soft lips on you, he tasted like exactly what you’ve been missing for these years. it feels almost like what you feel when you’re in love. you pulled away when bam nudged your foot, but he was more forceful than ever, lifting your chin to meet your lips with his again. you only needed to focus on jungkook at this moment.

right when your hands were finding their way into his shirt, he pulled away, gazing at you. “i got to shower first.” he said, slightly out of breath. 

jungkook rushed home after dropping that girl off, planning to take a shower before driving to your place. he had nothing to lose at this point- he doesn’t care if you know that he still remembers your address; he doesn’t care if he’s the one outside your door this time. the way he should’ve been two years ago.

but he was taken by surprise when he saw you outside his front door. 

he couldn’t keep lying to himself that he doesn’t think about you, because you’re all he’s been missing about every single day. you, you, and only you.

you couldn’t let go of him at all, scared that he’d just slip away if you didn’t have your hands on him. “we can shower together.” 

…the ‘shower’ took almost a whole hour. the bathroom echoed with your whines. many times, jungkook had to wrap his hand around your mouth, softly reminding you through his own pleasurable groans “the walls are thin in the bathroom, darl.”

carrying you to his bed, you were surprised at how effortlessly the mattress allowed him to move all over you. at first, you did not realize, but he was being way too harsh with you.

he was rough when he wanted to be, but he was never this rough?!! jungkook had no hesitation in marking you, pinching your waist when you moved in his rhythm, every single push inside of you made you feel like he wanted to pin you straight into the bed. not to mention-  your entire body has been scattered with bites and signs of his touch. you’re definitely not complaining about how perfect he felt when he mended into you, and you had to admit, he was so fucking hot when he is rutting himself inside of you out of pure desire and frustration. 

jungkook did not want to hurt you in any way, and you both knew that.

but you did not need him knowing that this was the most passionate, satisfying sex you’ve ever had. so you made the bold decision to start putting your underwear on right after the sensual fuck. not giving him any time for aftercare. 

jungkook was lying comfortably on the bed when he noticed that you wanted to leave, his quick reaction caused him to sit up, large hands holding down your waist as he pressed you back down into the mattress. his bright eyes stared at you, “where are you heading to? hm?”

“back home,” you maintain deep eye contact, it’s hard not to kiss him when his soft, pretty lips are at a reachable distance in front of you. “i obviously can’t stay the night…”

jungkook’s grip on your waist tightened, you swear you saw the light in his eyes die out almost immediately. almost a fog covers his pupils and you figure maybe you were a little too extreme with that answer. 

a delicate emotion runs across his face and he almost looks hurt when he finally gathers his words, “so…you waited outside my house…just to sleep with me?”

in that moment, you felt like the biggest cunt in the world.

you couldn’t find the right answer, if you said yes, you are the biggest cunt in the world confirmed- if you said no, you don’t think that’s a correct answer either way.

after not collecting a response from you, jungkook lets go, plopping back onto the bed, it’s almost like he took that silence from you as a confirmation of his theory. he laughs to himself, “fuck, why do i keep falling for these games you play?”

he moves his eyes away from you, to a random object in the room. “if you could’ve told me you’re real intention to simply just sleep with me ages ago, we wouldn’t be like this at all, y/n.”

you close your eyes, remaining in your position on his bed. 

in the start, you were definitely in it just for a quick fuck. but it looks like you’re now in deep waters. jungkook is irresistible- and you might’ve gone way too far with this one.

“don’t say that.” you move to his side, “i seriously loved you back then.” 

“if you loved me, i don’t think you would’ve sent me off to a different city, y/n.”

“i told you it was an opportunity…i know you’d be better off if you got that job, even if we broke up, i wanted you to be successful, and not- stay in this small city…being stuck with me.” you replied, hoping he would meet eye with you again.

jungkook was tired of arguing about this. he knew the both of you weren’t the best when it came to communicating, he didn’t want to leave your city because you were in it, but he knew it might’ve been the end when he saw his name on the office announcement. he told you he couldn’t accept doing long distance, while you simply replied over text “then let’s just end it all. no matter if you go or not. let’s just end it here.” and that ruined him. 

it was almost like you just desperately wanted to get rid of him.

if only he had the balls to drive to your house to talk this out, but he didn’t.

he absolutely should’ve, but he didn’t. 

“look at this! it’s painful.” he stopped in his thoughts when your head found his chest, you were pointing to the bruises he had left on your thigh. “jungkook! bruises.”

jungkook didn’t want to respond at all, but couldn’t help looking down on your pretty body. many parts of your skin were turning red from his roughness. he knew he didn’t use much strength at all, your skin was just easily sensitive. but he couldn’t help but feel his heart soften slightly when he heard your voice full of sulk. 

he spoke with a gentle tone “sorry,” while circling an arm around your waist, massaging your hips. “does it still hurt?”

“yeah.”

jungkook adjusted his position, hovering over you, he kissed every single mark he made on your body, making sure every single area on your skin was being loved. 

“what now?”

you knew exactly what he was asking about. what now? us? but you played dumb once again. “what?”

looking down at you his tongue ran over his pillow lips, he remained silent. 

“you explain the matching sneakers first.” you raised your eyebrows.

“i bought them on purpose after i saw her wearing them after friday dinner. to piss you off.” jungkook replied.

but he didn’t include the part where he rejected her forwardly and blatantly the first night when he drove her home after dinner. he didn’t include the part where he asked her the night before going bowling if she could help him with a favor. he didn’t include the part where the favor was to ask her if she could come and help him act this way to piss you off. 

you couldn’t help but let a giggle slip when he stared at you with a straight face. “okay, now i like you a whole lot again.”

after receiving a satisfying answer, a smile of relief crept onto his face, feeling his jaw unclench. “so you’re not just in it for one single fuck?” he teased.

“one won’t be enough.”

“give me an amount then.”

“i don’t know…until you’re bored of me? i guess?” you replied, intertwining your hand with his.

i will never get bored of you, he thought to himself. he looked at your soft hand interlocked with his, not only will he never get bored of you, but he’ll also never let go of this hand ever again.

his other hand reached for your earlobe.

after getting back together with jungkook, you’ve realized how different this man has become over this time. 

you remember him sometimes being very unreasonable, overprotective, almost overwhelming- of a boyfriend. and of course, sometimes jealousy is cute! you get that, but he was over the top about it. but now- now this is different. 

it’s the indifferences that make a relationship cute!

occasionally you still pull a cheeky lie, telling him that you’re going home to rest- but bumping into him in a local bar. he wouldn’t be angry at all, unlike before. instead, he would drag you with a teasing smile to come drink at his table. that’s when you know you’re in for a long night back at his house.

but there was something you really wanted to talk out with him. 

one summer night, when the cold wind was blowing through his large window, you turned your body to face him- there was something that was keeping you up tonight. he felt your movement next to him, “what’s up?”

“it’s been like…two months since we got back together, right?”

“right.”

“i think i want to talk some things out.”

thank god the night was dim, and jungkook was grateful because of that, he knows the expression on his face is not very charming. if this was a face-to-face conversation, he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to handle it. 

“yeah?” there was a hint of calmness in his voice, almost like he was forcing it. jungkook doesn’t know what to expect. he thought there would be a different result this time- he’s a different person! he finds himself desperately praying with his aching heart that this will not be another heart-shattering break-up again. 

at least, this time it's in person, right?

right?

he was lost in panic when your hand squeezed him under the quilt. 

“jungkook, do you think i broke up with you because i wanted to get rid of you?”

was it not? the three words were stuck in his throat, but he wanted to hear your voice more than his own right now.

“well, it wasn’t. it was for a more stupid reason- not because you were clingy, and whatever you thought. i wanted you to be successful, of course. but it was all out of my stupidity, i texted that out of anger, i didn’t actually mean it. i just wanted to see if you would come find me. come talk it out. i know we both weren’t good with words.”

you lowered your voice, “stupidly, a selfish part of me- even though i wanted you to get the job- a little bit of me still wished that you would’ve picked me over that.” after your little statement, you felt a heavy rock was lifted from your chest.

the hand that you held slightly twitched under your grip. he fully moved to face you. you turned away out of embarrassment. 

to honestly admit that you love jeon jungkook, is a harder thing than you thought. 

you felt the mattress vibrate, and then you realize he was now laughing at you. “i believe everything you say, even if you lied to my face, i would trust you without a doubt, y/n.” 

“that was all my honest words!!!”

“i know. i know.” he said through chuckles. you turned towards him, embracing your urge to touch your lips with his. with muffled laughter, he moves right on top of you, locking both sides of your body with his strong thighs. 

it’s annoying how he’s still smiling….when he’s peeling your pyjamas off you.

his eyes are glassy and glowy under the reflection of the moonlight, you could get lost in them for days. 

“i don’t care what you say,” he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear, “i’ve always loved you more than you did me. y/n.”

“okay then.” you replied, not wanting to argue with the man who was currently pressing lovebites on your neck.

jungkook smirks against your neck, 

way, way more. (end)

here is my masterlist if you want to enjoy some more of my writing!

and until next time, kae.

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Lee Felix x F!Reader TW : very angsty ; fluffy in the beginning just to break everyone's hearts a little bit more ; death of a family member ; famous nana cliffhanger ; Word Count : 5.2k Request : @lovesunshinefelix : Write more angst 😵‍💫 GIVE ME THE ANGST 😭🧎‍♀️ A/N : Of course! Anything for you bestie!! This one might be a little bit self indulgent just slightly, but it's definitely gonna be sad. I love making angsty Felix fics!

“One iced americano, please.”

“Okay, and what’s the name for the order?” 

“Lee Felix.” 

“Mmn… It should be done in just a moment.”

“Thank you.”

Such a short interaction, but that’s how it all began. You were simply the barista at the coffee shop next door to the office, but in a matter of seconds, you had become so much more to him. Your sweet smile and the fairy lights that twinkled in your eyes as you looked at him. He was absolutely enamored by you. 

The craziest part was that he didn’t even like coffee that much, he had just been craving the taste of the drink. Is that why it felt all the more serious to him? Like it had been fate that brought him to you in the first place, but now it was you that kept bringing him back. 

“One iced americano, please.” 

“The name for the order?” 

“It’s Lee Felix.” 

“Alrighty, it should be done soon.” 

“I’ll wait here.” 

He wondered if you’d remember him if he came in every day. Would you remember his order or his name? Would you remember the way he’d smile at you whenever you spoke? Would you remember anything about him, or was he just another customer that you probably forgot about once the work day was done? 

He wanted it to be like that, he wanted to be a customer that you looked forward to seeing. He wanted your head to lift with every ring of the bell when the shop door would open. He wanted you to wait for his appearance, to see you smile when he finally came in. He wanted you to recognize him. 

“One iced-“ 

“Americano? Is it for a Lee Felix?” 

“Hm… Maybe I should switch up my order?” 

“It’s almost been two weeks, I can’t imagine having an iced americano every single day for that long.” 

“Well, what would you recommend?” 

“I’m not sure… I don’t really drink coffee.” 

“That’s ironic. You don’t drink anything here?” 

“Does the free water count?” 

“I’ll take a free water then.” 

It was the first time he had actually talked to you, but it was also the first time you had said his name in any way other than letting him know that his order was done, it was the first time that you had said his order without his having to really say anything at all. It was the proof that he needed to know that he was on the right track, he just had to keep going. 

You had laughed that day too, not one of those fake laughs that he had heard you give the other guys that would try to flirt with you… It was a genuine laugh, the sound so beautiful that it was on a constant loop in his head for the rest of the day. He couldn’t get you off of his mind, but he didn’t want to rush things. Even if he felt that things were going perfectly, he wanted you to feel the same way. 

“Two free waters and a croffle, please.” 

“Really changing it up now, are we? Are you bringing a date?” 

“Ah… Not exactly…” 

“Good, because I don’t think a woman would be very impressed with free water for a drink.” 

“But the woman doesn’t drink anything on the menu. I’m really going out on a limb here with the croffle.” 

“You can never go wrong with a croffle, they’re delicious. Why would you invite this woman to the coffee shop if you know she doesn’t like anything on the menu though?”

“Because this is the only place I get to see her, and I’m too shy to ask her for her number, so I just wanted to see if she wanted to have some free water and share a croffle with me.” 

“Oh… Is she here already?” 

“I’m looking at her…” 

He could remember vividly the way you froze, the way it felt when his stomach began its descent, thinking that you would turn him down. It took you so long to say anything, he wondered if he had completely blown it by being so forward. He had never been so nervous in his life, but then that smile appeared on your face and you let out the most beautiful laugh, the sound tinged with a certain shyness that he had never read from you before. Did he make you as shy as you made him?

Sitting across the table from you, he could feel it, you were meant for him and he was meant for you. He was a perfect mix of so many emotions, nervousness, shyness, happiness, he was everything balled up into one, but it made him feel alive. It was like he was standing on stage and performing for all of STAY, except there was no setlist, there was no particular script or order that he had to follow… And it was only your eyes on him… But it was just as amazing, if not more, because you were looking at him and only him, and you were there with just him. He was all yours, and you were all his. 

///

“If you could have your wedding anywhere in the world, where would it be?” He asked as you both laid on the blanket beneath the cherry blossom trees that were in full bloom. It was beautiful, the perfect spot for a date, although most people would say that he didn’t have to try as hard now that it’s been 5 months since the two of you have been together. He didn’t believe them though, because every single time he took you somewhere new, somewhere more beautiful than the last, your eyes would light up and that adorable smile would stretch across your face, and he’d question why he would give that up. 

You hummed in thought, and he wondered what your mind looked like right now. Were images of your dream wedding playing out behind your closed eyes? Was he the one standing across from you in those thoughts, dressed in a suit, tears in his eyes as he watched the woman of his dreams walk down the aisle to meet him at the end? “I think… Hmm… Well, I don’t really mind much, actually. As long as I’m there with the person that I love, that I want to spend the rest of my life with… The place doesn’t matter much at all.” How could you be so amazing? He asked himself that every single day. “What about you? Where would your dream wedding be?” 

He hummed softly, rolling over onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow, staring down at you with the most loving eyes. He knew for a fact that he had never loved someone as much as he loves you, and it was only bound to get stronger. “I’m sure that a lot of people would think that I’d want to get married on the beach somewhere in Australia since that’s where I’m from… But I feel like the beach is rather cliche, it gets done too much.” 

“I like the beach…” You murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, your fingers lingering against his cheek. “I think it would make for some beautiful pictures, don’t you?” He hadn’t exactly thought about it that way, but now that he heard your input, it was like his entire view had been changed. 

“The beach it’ll be then.” He said quite enthusiastically, his cheeks still flushed from where you had touched him. You just had the ability to send fire coursing through his veins and he loved the feeling of it, the warmth that it brought. 

You giggled softly, rolling your eyes at the sudden switch up. “What’s with the serious questions all of a sudden? Do you plan on getting married some time soon? You have to invite me to the wedding.” You joked, and he stuck his tongue out at you before dipping down and pressing his lips to yours. 

“The only wedding I want is the one where you’re meeting me at the end of the aisle.” He said much softer now, even his breaths were so quiet it was almost like he wasn’t breathing at all. “We have time though… I just wanted a general idea of what you’d want.” 

“Felix…” His name was like a breath from your lips, so gentle, so light that the winds that shook the blossoms off the trees would be able to pick it up and carry it away. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to think too hard about it just now. I’ll make sure everything is perfect for you when the day comes.” 

“You’re crazy…” You murmured, and maybe he was. Maybe he was out of his damn mind to be planning a wedding with a girl that he had met at a coffee shop only five months ago. But to him it felt right, it felt like the only thing to do. He knew that all he wanted was you anyway, and he didn’t want to hide the way he felt for you. He wanted you to know that you were the only person he ever wanted in his life. 

“Mm… Maybe… You smell like coffee beans…” He teased, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck and taking a deep breath. “Is that… French Roast? Maybe… with a hint of vanilla?” 

You squealed, playfully pushing against his shoulders as you tried to squirm free. “Stop it! You’re the one who didn’t want to wait for me to go home and change when I got off!” You defended, but he thought it was so damn adorable. 

“I just like to see you, I didn’t want to wait!” He jokingly whined, dropping on top of you completely, his face still hidden, his lips brushing against your skin as he spoke. “You smell amazing, absolutely delicious, my coffee queen.” 

///

“Would you rather have your body and Bbokaris head, or the other way around?” You asked one night as you sat beside him on the couch. The question was most likely nothing more than a joke, but he wanted you to know that he listened to and thought about everything that you said, so he paused the movie that was playing on the tv and turned his body entirely toward you. 

“Would you still love me regardless of what my answer is?” He quizzed, his eyes searching deeply into yours for the answer, and you nodded your head so firmly that he knew you weren’t lying. You’d love him no matter what, and he would love you just the same. “I think I’d rather have his head, I don’t want to be any shorter… Or… Am I just a regular sized version of Bbokari? Is he me sized or am I him sized?” 

You snorted at the questions, your laughter still his most favorite sound in the entire world. He made a goal to make you laugh at least twice a day, if not more. “It would be the size of your skzoo plushy. It would be so cute though, wouldn’t it?! I could just carry you around with me everywhere I go! I’d never have to miss you!” 

Even though you were still giggling, your words made his heart flutter. Did you miss him when he wasn’t around? Did your heart ache like his whenever there was distance between the two of you? He always tried not to be too clingy. “You never have to miss me now, just text me and I’ll come to you always.” He draped his arm over your shoulder, tugging you closer to his side as he pressed a small kiss to your temple. 

“You have so much work to do, I don’t like bothering you. I would never call you away from practice or recording just to see you… Even if I want to.” You looked up at him, your smile pushing your cheeks up and squinting your eyes. Your eyes… He wanted to get lost in them for hours and hours, he wanted to live in them just for a moment, to see the world the way you do. What made you angry? What made you sad? He’s been with you for seven months now and he’s never seen you anything but happy. Was it because you were with him? Did he make all of your fears, your worries, your anger… Did he make it disappear? 

“I think even if I had Bbokari body I’d be in practice… Can you imagine?” Your head fell back once more as your laughter filled the room, he never wanted to stop hearing it. “Wait… Would my head shrink too, or would my head stay normal sized? I have so many questions!” 

You were laughing even harder now, wheezing even as you breathlessly tried to talk through fits of giggles. “Your normal head… Definitely… It would be so top heavy on the tiny body… Oh my gosh… Just picturing it… The Maniac move… With the…” You couldn’t even finish the sentence, bursting into a new fit of laughter, and now his mind was filled with the same image, and you both were laughing. 

It was nice to have someone to just laugh with, to goof around with. He felt so normal with you, he could have fun, he could be truly happy when you were beside him. That’s why he couldn’t let you go, why he kept thinking to a time somewhere in the future where you and him would both be on the beach in Australia, surrounded by your families and your friends, and he’d slip a ring onto your finger and promise himself to you for the rest of forever. 

///

“When was the last time I told you I loved you?” Felix asked over the phone, trying not to speak too loud. Sharing a hotel room wasn’t exactly hard, but he tried to be as respectful as possible to the guys who were trying to sleep while also trying to talk to you as much as he could. Time zones were always a pain in the ass, but they’re even worse now considering he couldn’t just not talk to you while he was away. 

“About five seconds ago.” You whispered, although there was no need for you to, he had your voice coming through his headphone so none of the other guys would hear you. “It’s so early in the morning for you… Aren’t you tired? I don’t want to keep you up all night.” 

“Mm… It’s worth it to talk to you.” He didn’t care if he was tired, he’d just sleep while getting his hair and makeup done, or he’d sleep in the car on the way to the next venue. “Have you eaten yet?” He quickly tried to change the subject, truthfully, he just wanted to hear you talk. He loved listening to you speak, he could lay in the hotel bed for hours with your sweet whispers filling his ears. 

“Not yet… I’m trying to think of what to eat.” The sound of your kitchen cabinets squeaking was heard and he chuckled softly, making a mental note to try to fix them or at least put some oil on the hinges so they wouldn’t be as loud. “Think I might just have a ramen bowl. It’s not as fun to do the dishes when I don’t have my designated drier.” 

Everything that the two of you did together was fun, it didn’t matter what it was. Whether you were going on dates or if it was something as mundane as doing the dishes or the laundry, if you were doing it together, that’s what made it enjoyable. “Well just let the dishes build up and we’ll have so much fun washing them together once I get back.” He teased, and he could just see the eye roll that came along with your soft snort as you tried to stifle your laughter. 

“I don’t think my sink is big enough for that many dishes.” You said between giggles, but your laughter was short lived as you let out a quiet sigh. “I miss you… So much…” Your voice was quieter now, almost to the point that he couldn’t hear you, and the only reason he could is thanks to the headphones. “Bbokari doesn’t hug me back the way you do… The bed is so empty and cold on your side… And the clothes that you left me are starting to lose your scent.” 

He couldn’t be more thankful that the two other guys in the room were already asleep because he could feel the tears pricking at his eyes as he listened to you. Felix missed you just as much, and he considered himself to be lucky because he wasn’t in a house that would feel so lonely if the roles were reversed. “I know, babe. I’ll be home soon, just wait for me. I miss you too… So much. I wish I could have snuck you here with me, I wish you would have packed yourself in my suitcase. We wouldn’t have to miss each other at all.” 

Now you both were crying, and he got up out of the bed as quietly as he could to make his way to the bathroom just to make sure he didn’t wake anyone up with his sniffling. “I love you, Lix…” Hearing you say it, no matter how many times he heard it, it was always like the first time. His heart would flutter and he’d feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and while this time was no different, there was an extra feeling of sadness that came along with it. 

“I love you too, babe… Don’t cry anymore, please? You’re too beautiful to cry… Smile for me, okay? And just always remember, I’m not gone forever, I’ll always come home to you.” 

///

2 months later and he was finally heading back home to you. The night before the flight he had stayed up just to talk to you on the phone, it sounded like you were crying again, but he assumed that the tears you were shedding were tears of happiness that he’d finally be returning to you. He’d be lying if he tried to say that he hadn’t shed a few tears himself at the thought of finally being able to hold you and kiss you again. 

He slept through the entire plane ride, and he hadn’t told you what time he’d be landing because he wanted to surprise you by showing up at your work. He wouldn’t say that he’s a hopeless romantic, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how romantic it would be to show up at your work with a bouquet of flowers. He could already see the shy little smile that would spread across your face, the flustered look in your eyes when you saw him walk through the door. 

When the plane finally landed, his excitement really kicked in. He didn’t want to wait to take his things back to the dorms, he didn’t even care to change his clothes or check to see how he looked. All he could think about was you. So he had the guys take all of his bags back to the dorms and he asked to be taken straight to the little coffee shop right beside the office… after stopping by a flower shop first though. 

“One iced americano, please.” His voice was cheerful as he practically waltzed through the door, the tiny bell above his head ringing out and announcing his entrance. The bouquet was hidden behind his back and he couldn’t help but smile wide as he looked around at the familiar scenery… They hadn’t changed anything in the months that he had been gone. 

“She’s not here.” One of the employees said, and Felix didn’t know whether to feel disappointed, humiliated, or both. He was sure that you would be there, you always worked on the weekdays, and it’s not like you had said anything about having your schedule changed. Maybe he should have let you know that he was on his way to the shop just so that you could have let him know that you weren’t there. 

“Oh… Well… Did her schedule change?” He asked rather sheepishly, and the girl behind the counter cocked her head to the side, her eyebrow raising. “What? Why are you looking at me like that? You didn’t fire her, did you?!” 

“She didn’t tell you, did she?” The girl leaned across the counter, and there was a look in her eye that made it clear to him that she found some kind of enjoyment in this, but he didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. “She went home. And I’m not talking about down the street. I mean, she hopped on a plane and went home. She was in a rush too.” 

The flowers fell to the floor, and he felt that he was going to be next if he didn’t keep himself steady against the counter. You… You didn’t even live in Korea… And you hadn’t told him that at all. He wouldn’t have even minded, as long as he knew that you’d always be his… But you just left. You left without saying anything to him. You left without warning, without reason. He didn’t even know what to do. 

For a moment, the world froze, time seemed to stop entirely, his mind reeling with what he could do, what he should do. Was he supposed to call you? Would you even answer him? Were you trying to run away from him? Had he done something wrong? He just couldn’t understand what he had done to make you leave without a message, a call… You had given him nothing when he wanted to give you everything. It wasn’t fair. Was he too clingy? Why didn’t you just talk to him? He would have done anything to just keep you, he would have changed completely if it meant having you still. 

“If you want to talk about it, I-“ The girl began, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone if it wasn’t you. She didn’t have the answers, she couldn’t tell him what he needed to know. He stormed out of the shop, taking a deep breath, the cold air catching in his throat and causing it to burn. He didn’t want to cry, but it seemed inevitable as the chill caught on the dampened streaks that coated his cheeks. Was there someone else? What was he to you that you could just give up so easily? How could you walk away without even a glance back, a second thought? He couldn’t let you do this, he just couldn’t. He was going to get an answer, whether you planned on giving it to him or not.

///

“Tell me more about your time in Korea. Tell me about that boy you met.” Your grandmother said hoarsely, her frail hand reaching out to grab yours. “You smile when you talk about him. I like seeing you smile.” 

“Gran… You really need to rest now.” You whispered, holding her hand in both of yours to try to warm it up. She always felt so cold now. “I’ll tell you all about it, I’ll tell you all about him when you wake up. I’ll be here.” Your thumb brushed along her knuckles, her skin wrinkled and thin, but to hold her hand was such a comforting thing, to be there beside her. 

She didn’t argue, she simply settled against her pillow, using her free hand to pull up her blanket a little higher as she kept her other hand between yours. She was weak, she was sick, and when you had gotten the call from your father that she was being moved from the hospital and being put into hospice, there was nothing that would keep you from being by her side. 

It was late, 11 o’clock at night, a little past that even, and everyone had gone to bed in their respective guest rooms. Everyone but you, still jet lagged and running on Korean time. You were wide awake, and you knew that a part of you refused to fall asleep just so that you’d have a little more time with your grandmother, even if it was just sitting beside her while she was sleeping. It might be all the time you have left with her, and a part of you felt guilty for being gone the past year, before she got really sick, before things came to this. You knew that she would have wanted you to live your life though, to find happiness, to find someone that you loved, someone who loved you back just as much. And you had found that, you had found all of those things in Felix, and you felt terrible for leaving the way you did, but you were in such a hurry, you were hoping he’d understand. 

11:56pm, four minutes to midnight and your phone rang on the nightstand table beside your grandmother’s bed. Felixs name was at the top of the screen and you quickly answered it, taking one last look at your grandmother before leaving the room to stand in the hallway, not wanting to risk waking her up while talking to him. “Lix…” You sighed out his name, and there was a sense of relief being kept at bay long enough for you to hear his voice, and you knew that once you did, you’d feel slightly better. 

“You left.” He began, and that relief never set in, instead there was just dread and more guilt stacked on top of the already existing emotion. “An entire year, and I didn’t even hear it from you, I heard it from one of your coworkers that you don’t even live here… And the worst part is that I didn’t even hear about it until you were already gone.” 

“I know that you’re angry, you have every right to be… But can you just listen to me, please?” You begged as quietly as you could, leaning against the wall in the hallway and slowly sinking to the floor. 

“I do have the right to be angry, and I won’t listen. You had almost 365 days for me to sit and listen to you so that maybe I’d understand what you did… But not now. It’s too late for explanations and I don’t want to hear your excuses either.” 

He sounded so angry, you had never heard him get mad before, and while you would have gotten angry right back, you were too busy being devastated. You needed him, you needed him more than anything right now, but he wasn’t even listening to you. On top of being sad, you were confused, you did live in Korea, just because you weren’t originally from there didn’t mean that you weren’t living there. “Why did you call… If you’re just going to yell at me and not listen to what I have to say… Why would you call me?” 

“You basically walked out on me… No… You did worse… You left the damn country. You’ve broken me, I can’t believe you’re the one even crying right now.” You clasped your hand over your mouth to try to muffle the sound of your sobs just so he wouldn’t point them out. “You know what… I don’t have anything else to say to you. I hope you enjoyed your year, you can go tell everyone about how you broke my heart, I’m sure you’ll be real popular for that. Bye.” You didn’t know what the hell he was on about, you didn’t know where the assumptions even came from, but they only managed to hurt worse. 

You were left in silence, your heart in shambles as you sat in the dark hallway, the only light coming from the cracked bathroom door at the end of the hall. You were shrouded in sadness, you had just lost the love of your life, the man that you planned on spending the rest of your life with, and you were about to lose your grandmother. Was there anything else that life would throw at you? 

///

It had been a week since the phone call, and while he had been angry then, the anger had slowly worn off and turned into a sadness spurred by the loneliness that he felt without you there. Hell, he would have been fine just talking to you on the phone, hearing your voice or seeing you through a video call. There was too much shame though, too much regret. He had lost his temper with you, and while the call had initially been to figure out why you had left, he hadn’t even let you talk long enough to tell him. 

He tried to not let it bother him, he tried to focus his mind on anything else, but whenever he’d go to the office, he’d have to go past the little coffee shop and it was a constant reminder of you, of when things had first begun. He felt like a fool, an absolute idiot, and now he didn’t even know how you were doing. He still loved you, and he wanted nothing more than to tell you those three words and hear them back, but now he was too scared to even try to contact you. 

So he watched your social accounts, waiting to see an update of any kind. You hadn’t blocked him, which was either a good sign, or a sign that you hadn’t been online in a while and he didn’t know how to feel about that thought. The last post you had made was from a week before he had left for tour, a picture of the two of you sitting at your table in the coffee shop, sharing a croffle with your free waters, a perfect recreation of your first date. 

His notifications were on for whenever you did post, just so that he could be the first person to like the picture or an update, but it had been so long since you posted that he rarely even checked the notifications to see if it was you. Today had been a rare occurrence where he had already been looking at his phone when you did post, and while it was only an instagram story update, he immediately clicked on it. 

“I’ll miss you Gran… I love you so much.” The text read under a picture of an older woman, her eyes wrinkled in the corners, a sign that she smiled a lot, and her smile was just like yours, he could see it in the picture. She was a happy woman, he could tell that she was loved, and that she had loved just as much. As he looked at the picture longer though, it set in, the realization… You hadn’t left him, not because you wanted to… You had to go home, you had to be there for her, for your family… And he had gotten angry with you for that… He hadn’t even let you explain. 

“Oh… Fuck!” He hissed, quickly closing out of instagram and opening his phone, his thumb hovering over your contact. He wasn’t sure how he’d go about apologizing, he didn’t know how the phone call would go even if you did answer, but he had to try. He had to at least say sorry if nothing else, so he called you, and he waited for it to go to voicemail, but then he heard silence… and then a shaky breath… You were crying. “Y/N… Babe… Are you there?” 

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[nolawrites]

hi, i should preface by saying i’ve only just started chapter 24 of the tin can man, but im absolutely in love with the way you’ve built the world and characterized everyone so far. it’s like absolutely magical and i can imagine every scene so vividly in my head .

i especially love the way you write monoma and ed together, and it makes me incredibly excited to see their relationship when they go to U.A., and their classmates reactions to it :)

i’ve always had a big thing for people reacting to my fav characters LOL and monoma and ed are two of my favorite characters ever. so that’s why i’m really excited and have been sort of picturing it in my head already ..

you never know what you need to read until you’ve found it ! they are SO special to me and i really really again really really love your fic so much. thank you for writing this, it really does mean the world to me !!

Hi, sorry for the delay in answering! I've been writing my dissertation so haven't opened tumblr for a while.

thank you so much for this ask, it was so lovely to read and it means so much to me that you're enjoying the fic so much! It was such a compliment to receive :-) the fic means so much to me and I love writing it, it never feels like a chore, though I don't always have as much time as I'd like to write!

I really love Ed and Monoma as characters too and I feel like Monoma especially has so much potential narratively, and so the character placement in the fic is probably partially a result of that. I've got their whole character/ relationship arcs planned out and I'm really excited to be able to write them!

thank you so much for reading and commenting! it's always a compliment when someone takes time out of their probably very busy day to let me know they're enjoying the fic, so thank you <3

[kingofbodyrolls]

Oh my god, Friendcation is a masterpiece! The way you wrote it was freaking excellent!

I never knew until now that you also write, but when I saw Friendcation on my FYP, I realized I should have known earlier because your works are fantastic! Although Friendcation is the only fic I've read from your works, I am certain that every fic you've made is a masterpiece, and I can't wait to read all of them!

I am still reading Friendcation and recently finished Chapter 2, and I can't wait to read more of it! I really love the concept; every scene is just a chef's kiss! Honestly, Yoongi is perfect for the male lead, and I can picture it in my head so well! You did a great job portraying Yoongi, MC, and the whole gang in the story. I am really a fan of the friends to lovers concept! I can't wait to read more!

One thing that I will commend you for is how you constructed the whole thing so perfectly! As a reader, I am a fan of "show don't tell" because it adds more thrill to imagining things, and you are by far the perfect writer who has the best "show don't tell," I fucking swear to god! Just by reading the first paragraph of Friendcation, my jaw dropped, literally! Everything is perfectly written! If I had the chance to swim inside your head, I would take the opportunity without any hesitation!

I was really amazed by your work, and it's itching me to tell you already how excellent you are! I started reading Friendcation the other night, and most of the time, I read it before I slept. That's why it takes me forever to complete a chapter because I really take time reading every word, sentence, and paragraph because it's a fucking masterpiece! I will read your works as slowly as possible because I have to savour and enjoy everything! Continue doing your best! Love you!!!

Oh my god, Kai 😭😭😭😭😭

Thank you so much! I’ve been writing and posting for some time, but I never wanted to mix that with my montly fic recs – because I mainly just want to hype other people up and shine a light on their beautiful work, so it’s completely okay you didn’t know I wrote!

KFDSFAHDSHF – you are so damn kind with your words, you’re making me speechless and blushing too! I am so happy that you like it and that you can picture everything so vividly in your head 🥹 Makes me so truly happy!

You are so fucking sweet with your words and your review! You are both making me smile like a goddamn fool and bawl my eyes out at the same time. I feel so honored 😭I really like “show don’t tell,” and I tried my best to incorporate that! I mean, I am just so speechless by your lovely words and praise, I’ll treasure your words forever!!!

Seriously, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me with this ask! 🥹 You are amazing my lovely friend, truly a star ⭐ 

If you like the darker stuff, I’d recommend ‘Coming Home’, although it’s not nearly as dark and thriller as your amazing ‘Fragments of the Past’ (still the best yandere thriller I’ve read! 😘). Take your time love, don’t rush or stress, also remember to do your own stuff 😂 My fics will always be here.

I also like to take my time when reading (and to add to that, I’m a fucking slow reader because I don’t want to miss or skip anything). So please take your time, I really hope you enjoy it! I had a lot of fun writing it and I already miss this couple so much 😭

Again, thank you so much for taking your time to read it, and then write this freaking lovely message to me 😭 You have truly made my day! Although I don’t think it’s a masterpiece (don’t get me wrong, I love it very much!), I’ll try to take your words and praise completely to heart and use it to fuel and continue doing my best in my future writing 💜

[amyisherenowitsokay]

*stares very aggressively , I’m foaming from the mouth.*

Howdy-hey! I’m here to pester you abt your works! So I reread “From your memory” and I was like wowza and then I wondered…

What was your inspiration? That��� concept was just entirely new to me and in the good old year of 2011 I was practically ascending bc I was so invested in the story and it was actually the first fic I ever read from you. (and I fell in love teehee) So what made you write that or inspired yo to do so? Did you have an original storyline that was scrapped, and or changed ?

You don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to btw :)

I answer all my asks (eventually lmao) fish! Especially yours!

Long answer under the cut because I'm incapable of giving a short answer. Information about my own fics are constantly on the tip of my tongue ready to be spilled out at their first opportunity, and I'm incapable of resisting.

From Your Memory was actually genuinely inspired by the song mention in the A/N of the first chapter, which is Paramore's Ignorance. This is also where the title comes from.

"I'm not the same kid from your memory Well now I can fend for myself"

I listened to the original and acoustic version on loop. Basically what happened in teenage me's brain did was have an animatic in my head about how this song could figuratively apply to a fanfiction, developed the premise, and went from there.

This is gonna be really funny to explain because there's like legitimate scenes developed around individual lyrics in this song.

Ignorance sounds and sounded a lot to me like a dialogue. It sounded, to me, like one person was saying some parts, and one person was replying in a sort of escalating argument, but at least one party was 'ignorant' (huehuehuehue) of all the details about why they were even fighting in the first place. Based on that premise, the song will (hopefully) make more sense. I'm going to write the lyrics 'assigning' lyrics between two people, and tag them (1) or (2), depending on who I am is talking/replying, with 1 being Zim, and 2 being Gaz. I vividly imagined two people interrupting one another while fighting, hence a lot of the weird breaks.

This is gonna be so convoluted and I'm sorry ahead of time lmao.

Lyric Breakdown

(1) If I'm a bad person— (2) You don't like me (1) Well, I guess I'll make my own way (1) It's a circle, a mean cycle (1) I can't excite you anymore

Just on that dialogue, it's basically like. Zim starts off the story blaming himself for not being there when Gaz was injured, and wars between doing the easiest thing for Gaz, which is to shut up and pretend not to know her, or what he wants, which is to tell her the truth and re-involve himself in her life. Gaz is meanwhile obviously oblivious to his turmoil and is like "why are you even talking to me, you hate me." Zim of course originally chooses to aid her from the sidelines, but he's not happy about it. He essentially is "not allowed" to involve himself in her life anymore.

(1) Where's your gavel? Your jury? (2) What's my offense this time? (1) You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me (1) Well, sentence me to another life

Zim's resentment about the situation continues, especially with Dib being irritated about Zim choosing to keep secrets and forcing him to go along with it. Gaz is still like "dude what the fuck is your problem??" while Zim continues to be extra pissy, wishing things were different.

(1) Don't wanna hear your sad songs (1) I don't wanna feel your pain (1) When you swear it's all my fault (1) 'Cause you know we're not the same (no) (2) We're not the same (no) (2) Oh, we're not the same (1) Yeah, the friends who stuck together (1) We wrote our names in blood (1) But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (hey) (2) It's good (hey), it's good

At this point, Zim's dealing with being incapable of helping, desperately wanting to help Gaz, but not actually able to do so. He's just constantly watching her suffer without ever being able to help ease her pain.

Mentally, this was also just more arguing, but with Zim being forced to swallow the fact the meaningful friendship and borderline-relationship he and Gaz had developed is gone, and she's not interested in developing a new one the way he is. Things are different now. They simply aren't friends. He's done nothing for weeks but try to save her life, has had her literal blood on his hands, and now it doesn't even matter. He's got to move on, and he's got to continue to convince Dib that their situation has changed, and his idea is for the better. Lacking context, Gaz meanwhile is like dude take your angst and fuck off. She's also trying to convince herself that whatever is clearly happening behind the scenes, it doesn't matter, and she's better off keeping her head down.

(1) Well, you treat me just like another stranger (1) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (1) I guess I'll go (1) I'd best be on my way out (2) You treat me just like another stranger (2) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (2) I guess I'll go (2) I'd best be on my way out

(1) Ignorance is your new best friend (x2)

This is also another parallel back and forth, with Zim still coming to terms with Gaz genuinely not knowing their formerly intense, meaningful relationship. It's more resentment about what he lost. It's meant really sarcastically and snidely. Gaz, for her part, means it really literally. She doesn't have any relationship with Zim aside from 'that guy my brother hates,' and blows him off.

And of course, "ignorance is your new best friend" is pretty straightforward in its meaning. Gaz isn't Zim's best friend anymore, and all she has to keep her company is her new amnesia.

For this next part, queue Membrane (3). The really fun part is after this analysis, if you wanna go back and listen to this song nearly entirely from a Gaz vs Membrane perspective, it also can fit! From a Membrane-centric perspective, if you think of Membrane as he sees himself (aka not in the wrong), needing praise from the public, shrugging off criticism since it's "for the greater good," etc with Gaz (and Dib) shoving back at his preconceptions, it's easy to hear the dialogue. But continuing on, this part was mentally Membrane for me:

(3) This is the best thing that could have happened (3) Any longer and I wouldn't have made it (3) It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture (2) I'm just a person, but you can't take it (2) The same tricks that, that once fooled me (2) They won't get you anywhere (2) I'm not the same kid from your memory (2) Well, now I can fend for myself

This was more later in the story and/or right before Gaz lost her memory during her confrontation with Membrane, where Gaz knows what's going on, and Membrane's trying to convince her to cooperate anyways. Membrane is convinced this isn't something that needs to be difficult, while Gaz is warning him that she's dangerous now, has backup, and isn't going just hand over her independence at his whim.

Further Development

From that context, you can see that the story just kind of happened from there. I filled in the gaps. Why was Zim so mad at Gaz, and why wouldn't she know why he was mad at her? Originally, I wasn't sure who the (3)rd person in the lyrics was that Gaz was fighting with, but to me, it sounded like an authority figure. There's not a lot of those in the IZ universe, let alone one that Gaz would legitimately be threatened by, and eventually, it started to sound like an argument with someone gloating, and then someone who didn't even notice their gloating was actually cruel. They'd also have to be someone who Gaz knew since she was little. Someone she was invested in. Someone exactly like Professor Membrane. But then what would Gaz be arguing with dumb, well-meaning Professor Membrane about?

And thus, a metamorphosis occurred:

This is a meme I made awhile ago for my Discord friends when we discussing From Your Memory. It also makes me laugh every time I see it because it's really spot on to the vibes.

I started to consider the angle that Membrane was actually the bad guy, which, when you consider how many times 'evil mad scientist who think they're in the right' was fed to kids as a trope (and still is, tbh), it was an easy jump. And THAT was when the story really started kicking in.

This was around the time I started to hear the 'Dib is a clone' theories. If Dib was a clone, why couldn't Gaz be? If you were a scientist whose entire life was dedicated to advancement for the betterment of mankind, why would that just be relegated to advancement in technology? Why wouldn't someone just a liiiiiiittle off find themselves stumbling right into advancing the evolution of mankind as a species, too?

So then Gaz and Dib became experiments. And if you were going to make a boy and a girl, you could argue it'd just be the typical white picket fence dream of having a son and a daughter. But if you're me, and grew up in a religious environment, the creation of a man and woman as a pair sound less like siblings and more like Adam and Eve. And that's where the whole 'Gaz is an angel with wings' things came from.

The origin of evil!Professor Membrane was mostly that I thought that no one would ever see that twist coming, but reading back through it, I can definitely see small-me taking digs at my own super-scientist parent lmao.

Evil Membrane is also so incredibly fun just in and of itself. Professor Membrane is the guy above all guys in Invader Zim. He's respected, well-loved, commanding, imperial in so many ways.

I simultaneously started formulating this idea that Gaz had amnesia to keep her from being too OP and dunking on everyone. So the story pretty much fell into place after that. Obviously, the amnesia had to be caused by Membrane, to reset his 'experiment.' Dib and Gaz, as his own form of Adam and Eve, were abominations. Abominations tend to be malformed in some way, meaning they were imperfect creations. Dib was first, and therefore more of a prototype. It'd explain why he lacked Gaz's powers, why she tended to be smarter, stronger, etc in the show.

I also deeply loved the idea of Zim being in love with Gaz, while Gaz is completely indifferent in a way that was atypical than usual ZAGR stories (including MHNY). Zim wasn't fantasizing for a relationship that could be, but pining for a relationship that had been. It made their will-they-won't-they dynamic painful instead of lovey-dovey-ooey-gooey-sentimental, and ya bitch is always down to mix a good dollop of pain into my stories lmao.

Changes Down the Line

This one I'm gonna preface with to anyone reading this: don't go digging through my reviews. I'm too old and my bones are too tired to stir up shit, or incite drama.

I lost focus/desire to finish this story somewhere around I think when Gaz got kidnapped the first time (ch 19ish). I had a whole (now lost to time/deleted) chapter of her being in a warehouse, losing her shit, and breaking free via her powers.

ORIGINALLY, in a world where that version of the story happened instead of what's published, this was going to lead to Gaz being an actual, active threat to humanity incapable of controlling her powers. There was going to be a scene where Dib has to really debate on killing his own sister, or let her destroy the world in a fit of grief. Zim and Dib turned against one another because of it, with Zim fully willing to let her destroy as much of the Earth as he needs to as long as she stays alive.

It was undecided whether or not I was going to make Gaz kill Membrane, or just get really close. Most of the end of From Your Memory was me winging it and losing steam, so I was going back and forth on it.

However, I did know Dib would eventually manage to get close enough for the 'moment of truth,' so to speak, but find himself unable to actually kill his little sister. That moment of humanity would snap her back to cognizance. She'd realize just how much both Zim and Dib care for her in their individual ways, and sort of collapse. They'd eventually disappear, and the rest of story would play out pretty similarly to the published ending (assuming Membrane didn't die).

This all was scrapped legitimately because of one singular review.

Someone, and I genuinely do not remember who but I vaguely remember getting into it in my A/N's with them a few times, wrote this really rude review about how predictable the story was getting, and wrote out basically that it was obvious that Gaz was about to have a power freakout, how played out that was, blah blah blah. In 2011/2012 however, I was like 15, so instead of rolling my eyes and/or patting myself on the back for leaving enough narrative hints that the entirety of my story could be devised from what was already published, I got really mad lmao.

So in an effort to not be 'predictable' and prove that person 'wrong,' I deleted the entire chapter and rewrote it to what's now ch 20. That whole storyline was gone just cause one review really rubbed me the wrong way on the right day lmao. I think there's even an A/N even at the end of 20 that mentions offhand the scrapped rewrite.

As a reminder, this fic was finished over 10 years ago. I am not interested and would in fact be really irritated by anyone digging up the review to go harass someone who probably isn't even active on fanfiction anymore (I mean god, is anyone? Lmao). But that is what happened, and it is relevant to the question, so there.

Additionally, I was debating on writing out a few prequel chapters and inserting them somewhere in the story. Maybe 1 - 3(?) chapters written out, with a beginning, middle, and end of how Zim and Gaz's relationship developed. Like a lot of small, detailed flashbacks of when Zim first started treating Gaz, some middle bits when they stared falling for one another and really began to allow themselves to lean on one another, and then the final kiss scene, just before Gaz lost her memories.

I don't know quite remember where I intended to put that. I had vague ideas of Gaz being knocked out, those 1 - 3 chapters of flashback, and then her 'waking up' right after she slips into a coma, back in the present. These chapters were never written, partially because I couldn't figure out where to put them, and then by the time I got to scenes that could work for that kind of transition, I was really burning out with the story and just wanted to be done with it.

.

I think that's everything! Hopefully somewhere in this mess was a cohesive answer that answered your question! If I missed anything specific you were looking for, please let me know, and I'll be happy to answer! <3

[mister13eyond]

20, 35, 54, 74!

20.) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION!!!! it's kind of hard to be able to Observe my own patterns from inside the house, but if i had to warrant a guess....

I really like things that are... small in scale, I guess is the best way to describe it? Small moments, low-key quiet emotions or interactions, subtle things. I think looking at psalm 32:3, two hands and april 6th in conjunction is the best way to describe the vague thing I'm trying to describe- they're all kind of. Slow, subtle, very focused on quiet discussions? I would also say one thing I do in my writing and try to actively focus on/cultivate is like. Physicality, and "acting" via a character's body language, physical actions. I try to focus on what they're doing with their hands, how they're interacting with the space around them, what their idle gestures or absentminded tics are? Those things are really REALLY good for describing a character and usually really create a scene that feels solid and real to me, so it's something I actively practice when I'm writing. So i would say that probably shows up consistently too!

35.) What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

SEE IT'S FUNNY... I think there are very few of my fics that have a villain, in the narrative sense, but I almost exclusively write about the villains of the series. I think the closest I have to a villain is Diavolo & Doppio's father in double and, depending on how you look at it, giorno in april 6th (but of course he is also the deuteragonist and love interest, so he wears Many hats.)

But i guess looking at that, and the fact that i write about diavolo & doppio so much, I think the thing that makes a villain most compelling to me is Utter Conviction That They're Doing The Right Thing. Not necessarily from you, the author- but I think if you can't KIND OF understand why your villain thinks they're the hero, you can't really get the same level of depth and interest in the character.

I love villains who, from their perspective, are the protagonist- villains who have a solid, consistent internal logic about their actions and whose actions feel like- even if they're horrible- they are the Correct course based on that logic? It always makes me want to dig my fingers into them, really pick them apart and see what's happening in their funky little brain.

54.) What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

I guess the actual, physical act of writing it? Or like.... the part where I cohesively imagine something and then translate that to text. I spend a lot of time daydreaming and thinking up ideas, tossing concepts back and forth with my partners, but that feels different to me than the actual process of sitting down and putting words together.

I'm a pretty visual person, so most of the time my writing comes in the form of visualizing first, translating into words second. Writing for me is usually sitting down and essentially imagining a movie in my head- pausing, studying a scene, rewinding it to look at it from a different angle- and then describing it. I think I tend to write and think like a comic reader/creator (despite not having the patience to draw comics) so I don't really go into something with language or phrasing in mind at the onset, just images, stills, places, actions. Then I get to play with words to try and do them justice!

So actually sitting down and focusing and writing is fun, because it's like I get to really block out everything else and vividly daydream and focus on the picture in my mind more completely. I really have to get In The Zone to do it, but when I do it can be really really... immersive? - getting to lose myself to imagination like that!

74.)You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

from experience? they wouldn't 😎

djghslks but that's because when I have posted things anonymously, they're usually Far Outside of my typical wheelhouse- stuff that's WAY less structured or carefully considered, especially nsfw work that tends more towards "stream of consciousness and vague gesturing at the concept of why this is erotic" than Narrative With A Beginning, Middle, And End. That's usually WHY they're anonymous- not because I necessarily want to Hide any of my unhinged NSFW work, but because I try to curate my ao3 to show more of the kind of thing that I feel proud of and feel like I've really put a lot of skill and thought into. (At the same time, it's really freeing to have works floating around that I simply Don't have to approach with so much care or consideration; sometimes I like just slapping a bunch of words down that are 'wouldnt it be hot if' and then 1k of unhinged rambling)

I think if I were to write something more like my typical fare and post it anonymously... HMMM! I guess I'd look for a lot of mention of what characters are doing with their hands. Small laughs under their breath, wry statements, conversations that seem to have hidden meanings just under the surface of what they're saying but which never fully come out and say it.

[neonacity]

heyy!! idk if you still remember me cuz i never interact with you after you released the teaser for blood red but I JUST WANNA SAY I FINALLY READ ALL THE CHAPTERS YESTERDAY AND NOW I FEEL EMPTY 💀 I was busy finishing my semester and wanted to read blood red until i'm really free, so i only able to read it yesterday (and i planned to read your other stories too) BECAUSE GODDAMN I REALLY LOVE YOUR WRITING 🥺🤩❤ and you got me interested more to read about DID as i already am. I really enjoy it when writer write about haechan in my fav genres like suspense/thriller/psychology and write really well til i can picture every scenes of it. And i said i feel empty because i was cleaning my room the whole day and all i can think of is "i wish blood red has season 2" and i even imagine the scene as if your story is a movie/drama. I have hyperphantasia & synesthasia, hence the reason i feel that way. Your writing is very satisfying that i somehow could hear every dialogues and plays the scenes in my head so vividly that i kinda wish it's really real show, not something i can watch in my mind but with my eyes too. Anyway before i write too much now, i hope you will have a nice day and getting more ideas to write fantastic stories!! And if you're currently writing new stories, all the best for it!!!

Hi darling! Oh yes! I remember you from the teaser of Blood Red! I'm so glad you were able to catch up with it and I hope your semester went well! First of all thank you for your nice words. The fic will unfortunately no longer have a season two but there is a small inkling that it might be an expanded universe featuring new characters. I was maybe thinking of creating a universe with all dark themes like it but I can't really promise anything since I've barely had time to write lately due to personal life. But thank you again! 😊

Secondly, hyperphantasia and synesthasia is so interesting! This is my first time hearing both and I was so hooked, especially on the synesthasia thing. The way I do write things is I imagine and describe them as if they were a movie, so I guess that is why you feel that way? But this is such a big compliment, thank you honey! ❤️

[benji-the-crabb]

◌○◌○

Scrapped SSKK Fic

written 2023.05.18

This is unfinished and not proofread. Also quite old. I haven’t been very pleased with what I’ve been writing lately but I don’t want to leave my social medias blank so here you go!

⚠︎ suggestive warning ⚠︎

Since letting Atsushi stay with him, Akutagawa had been noticing some strange behaviors from his boyfriend in his sleep. He was never a still sleeper but, calling his name and harshly grabbing the pillows as they slept wasn’t normal. Akutagawa hardly got any sleep because of it, not that he slept much usually but it was inconvenient to say the least. The weirdest new behavior was what Atsushi was doing right then, while his lover was sitting on the bed, dressed for work and simply observing. Atsushi had his arms between his thighs and seemed to be pressing and rubbing himself on them. Akutagawa gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Weretiger.”

The white haired man slowly awoke and looked around, almost seeming disappointed until his eyes adjusted on his boyfriend. A harsh blush bled into his face.

“Akutagawa…”

“Must you always call me my last name?”

Atsushi grumbled and sat up sleepily, stretching as he listened to his black haired counterpart speak.

“But more importantly, you seem to be stressed recently.”

“W-what do you mean.”

“You’ve been doing strange things in your sleep, I can only assume you’re acting out your dreams.”

“Acting… them out?”

Atsushi’s voice peaked and he went completely red, making Akutagawa lean closer and gently feel his face.

“Maybe you should go to a doctor?”

“N-no! No, I’m fine really…”

Atsushi quickly pushed Akutagawa off the bed and walked him to the front door.

“You’ll be late for work, I love you, bye!”

He closed the door quickly, heavily breathing and flushed from what just happened. Has he seriously been acting out the dreams he was having? All he’d been dreaming about since moving in was having sex with Akutagawa. Nothing else just touching Akutagawa, always. Touching him, being touched by him, having his fingers inside of him, teasing him relentlessly. He had to slap his hands on his face to keep him from imagining it all over again.

Atsushi walked back to the bedroom, fixing up the bed and pulling out his clothes for the day. When he changed his underwear they were drenched because of his fantasy Akutagawa, when he pulled up his pants he thought of Akutagawa tossing them onto the floor, he buttoned his shirt while thinking of Akutagawa feeling him up through it. Just Akutagawa, Akutagawa, Akutagawa the entire morning, infesting his brain. He tried his best to ignore it all, ignore the heartbeat he could hear pounding in his head every time the same thought that had been tormenting him for a month came back. He sat down where his boyfriend had been sitting on the bed earlier and leaned against his pillow. He could smell him so vividly, he could tell exactly the time it had been since he left, what he used in the shower and to an extent what he had been feeling. There wasn’t a hint of sexual desire, unlike his own scent. Did he seriously have no interest in having sex with Atsushi? Just the scent of his boyfriend had Atsushi turned on so it was extremely disappointing if that was the case.

Just when he gave into his fantasies and reached for his belt buckle he heard the front door open and immediately sprang up from his spot, scrambling to occupy himself on his phone. Akutagawa walked back into his room - now belonging to him and Atsushi - like it was purly to restrict Atsushi from touching himself.

“Aku! Why are you back so soon?”

He tried sounding nice but it came out very choppy and a little annoyed.

“You pushed me out of the door without my coat.”

“Ohh… did I?”

He just nodded and grabbed from the chair it was sprawled out on and observed Atsushi once again as he put it on.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Swear.”

“Hm… Alright.”

He headed back out and once again left Atsushi alone with his thoughts.

The weretiger breathed in so deep it started to burn and slowly exhaled.

I’ll just pretend that none of that happened… He doesn’t even hug me, I don’t know why I’d expect him to do anything else. I wish he would though…

He let that sink in until he was too embarrassed to handle it and threw himself out of bed and stomped to the door, putting his shoes on and muttering about how he’d definitely bring it up with Akutagawa the next time they were home together.

The next time they’re home together:

Akutagawa came home late as usual, pulling off his coat and tossing it over the back of the couch before he sat down.

“Welcome home.”

Atsushi’s words were nice but came out anxiously, like he was holding something back. Akutagawa leaned in his direction curiously as Atsushi put his feet up on the couch and looked at his lover.

“Tell me honestly, are you attracted to me?”

“Yes… I am, would I be dating you if I wasn’t?”

Atsushi sighed in relief before continuing.

“So, having… sex…”

Akutagawa tilted his head.

“I want to sleep with you okay! But you hardly ever touch me and I want to know why!”

“That’s… If you’ve wanted this so bad then why didn’t you initiate something?”

“Well, I dunno… I thought you weren’t interested.”

“The reason I haven’t done much is that my body isn’t very capable of keeping up with physical excursion, so with my job mixed in, that kind of intamacy can be dangerous.”

Atsushi’s eyes widened and he blushed harshly, extremely embarrassed.

“I- I’m so sorry! I didn’t know it was something like that, if I did I wouldn’t have made a big deal about it…”

Akutagawa pulled himself on the couch and started unbuttoning his shirt, quickly slipping it off and causing Atsushi to blush even more and hide his face in his hands as if he was seeing something he shouldn’t be.

“A-akutagawa… what are you…?”

Tossing his shirt on the coffee table Akutagawa approached closer, blushing the smallest bit, too small for anyone unfamiliar with him to notice.

“Well, I didn’t do much today, a little movement won’t cause much harm.”

“Ah…?”

Atsushi couldn’t believe his eyes, he had only prepared for the absolute worst and had no clue what to do if this outcome ended up happening, he just slid down flat on his back and let the other man continue as he pleased.

Akutagawa slid his hands up Atsushi’s shirt and lightly kissed him once.

“And your concent?”

He made it seem more like an obligation than he should’ve but Atsushi was far from complaining.

“Akutagawa, let’s… have sex.”

Akutagawa nodded and kissed his lover deeply, making sure to feel around his mouth to summon moans as he fondled the skin under Atsushi’s shirt.

[insfiringyou]

GOD… THANK YOU for mentioning the “feel at home” with the each other thing, because I’ve spent a long time breaking my head trying to understand why YG and JS always felt more than love.

While I read the other boys fics I was always thinking “they clearly love each other” but I always thought “WHY THEY DON’T FEEL NEAR CLOSE TO WHAT YG AND JS HAVE???” and clearly YG loved his ex gf. despite them being honest, only in the begging coming from her, after I got back to re read I was like “god, it feels so empty somehow when it’s not with JS”

but now everything seems clearer lol kinda dumb that I didn’t realized this home thing before because to be honest it’s always in our faces how they don’t have idealized expectations with each other and therefore always makes them feel like they can always be their most authentic, raw, true and spontaneous selves.

At first I was thinking JS was a bit harsh for breaking up with him all of sudden and not trying to talk and solve things together, but how YG was feeling at that time it really felt like being separate was the right choice… I understand her now, he needed to be shown that he didn’t had to depend on her that badly.

I want to compliment how beautiful and well written your work is, truly is my favorite fanfiction of all time and helped me A LOT on understanding my own emotions and perceptions of life and love. Truly, thank you so much. You really deserve a lot of recognition for making things realistic and not epic at all, I love this kinds of stories, it makes it more reliable to apply the lessons we learn while reading in our own lives.

I don’t know if you ever heard of the tv show “normal people” (probably yes because is a British show, I just don’t know if you ever watched), but I felt the exact same thing with your writing that I felt with the show: it feels like I’m invading someone’s privacy, like I’m watching a person’s personal life in real time. Reading all the YG stories made me feel a lump in my throat because it felt like someone was writing what they truly watched happening in his life.

Just… beautiful, really you have so much talent and sensibility, I love it so much, your stories will always have a special place in my heart, I will carry with me forever.

Thank you. It was actually a reader of ours some time back that vocalised that they are each other's homes - so in a way we are stealing their words! But it also captured exactly what we felt when writing them all this time. What we love with all the storylines is how different the relationships feel so each other. Not that any are necessarily superior, just as in real life - people mean different things to each other. But Yoongi and Jeong-sun have always had a very special place for us because of how they interact together. There is a wit to their conversations we love - a quickness that has been there since they met in the closet, and it's always a pleasure to be with them again when writing.

I did actually watch 'normal people' when it came out (the pandemic I think) and I liked parts of it. I actually think some people said at the time it reminded them a bit of our fics, which I guess is a compliment because it was a really successful show. I will say that with Yoongi and Jeong-sun in particular, there is something about them that I could see working in a TV show. Like - I can imagine their interactions so vividly and I think it would work with British actors (of all the couples, with them our Britishness probably comes across the most, but also I think that's because we've always seen Yoongi's humour as being quite relatable to us, as we love dry humour).

Thank you so much - it means a lot when we see how our fics have impacted people especially because when we started writing we didn't think ANYBODY would read them and I was even reluctant to post them on the internet.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

This is getting too long and wordy so I’m gonna hide my thoughts under the cut but I’m talking about the most recently uploaded CoAi fic on ao3

The most recently uploaded CoAi fic on ao3 is making me feel a type of way and idk if it’s good or bad… like cool that the author is really a canon shipper? And was able to write for a ship that isn’t one they normally ship (in this case it’s almost the opposite considering we still have ship wars even though it’s 2023 people!)

I was very wary when I decided to take the plunge and read it cause I’ve been burned before and it pissed me off, but I did it to myself so I didn’t leave hateful comments cause again we are in charge of our own fandom experiences. No one forced me to read anything.

Anyways, it wasn’t awful? Like I really expected a lot of bashing towards my queen, but there wasn’t really… it was tagged correctly too like yeah definitely felt the ooc, but like it wasn’t terrible… idk I just don’t know what to make of it. Do I comment??? See this is why I like to keep my fangirling and writing separate, cause it was so much easier just being a reader and not have to deal with also being a fellow writer.

Ugh, idk man, I’m just confused. Cause on the one hand I did not like it enough to comment and I don’t force myself to when I didn’t vibe with it, but on the other I am just so fascinated! Like who are you? And why are you low key in my head?

Cause listen, I have debated with myself back and forth over whether or not to write the canon ship break up album fic (aka red cause that is a breakup album to the max which is why I don’t associate it with CoAi), and obviously I would tag the canon ship and make it clear that I am a CoAi shipper and yeah I would also post it anonymously but solely because I don’t want anything to do with the canon ship to show up on my writing profile. I’m not a multishipper and even if I was it certainly would never include the canon ship, the longer it drags on the more annoyed I get with them. So now that I see someone actually doing basically what I would’ve done but flipped, I’m like… idk man.

It feels weird, but I’m pro self indulgent writing and I know sometimes there are stories you want to tell even if it doesn’t fit your normal narrative. Like you guys will not believe how much I’ve had to push away all the scenes in the red album fic cause I can see it so vividly in my mind and I have it all plotted out in chronological order, literally it would be so easy to write for me. But I don’t do it and this is exactly why!

Like is this overstepping a boundary? I mean it’s weird right? But also who am I to stop someone from writing their story that they felt they had to get out? So then is it really okay for me to do so too… but this is one single fic. Mine would be a collection of 29 (31 if I include eyes open and safe and sound but the original plan did not have those, cause I think hunger games when I hear them) song fics. If I’m feeling weird over one fic from a canon shipper, I can only imagine how weirded out they would feel about me posting a 29 (31?) chaptered fic with the big disclaimer that hey, I’m a CoAi shipper who’s just here again and again.

Look I preach basic fandom etiquette, ship and let ship, stay in your lane. The two most important rules, besides the whole not being a dick rule that everyone should just follow as a general guide in life. Would I be staying in my lane if I did write the red album fic the way I envisioned? Is this why I’m feeling conflicted over this anonymous canon shipper posting their fic? Idk, and there really isn’t a right answer. But it does make me want to reach out and pick their brain, like what courage must you have to do this and to care enough about this story that you had to put out. I applaud you for that, and I’m glad you did it. Cause again I’m all about self indulgent writing, but didn’t it feel awful to write this too?

Cause the big difference between this fic and the one I want to write is that this canon shipper gave CoAi a happy ending. I am not so gracious, red is the ultimate breakup album to me so it will not end well for the canon ship, the last song is literally All Too Well ten minutes version, come on. There’s no way this ends well if this is the song for the last chapter.

But it’s not like I can tag it CoAi when it literally would have almost nothing to do with them. It’s a very Ran centric fic and all about her woes with her doomed romance with her childhood sweetheart. I hate when people tag multiple ships, like yeah I get it cause they’re mentioned and it does talk about them, but I’m not a multi shipper and I strictly read fics for my ship. Specifically ones that end well for them, so I really don’t like clicking onto a fic only to find that my ship doesn’t end up together or worse, the canon ship stays canon.

Again though, it’s my own preference and I don’t go around making it the author’s problem cause it’s their fic. I could’ve clicked out at any point, there’s no need to leave nasty comments or talk shit. Clearly it wasn’t written for me, I can’t appreciate it, I’m not the target audience.

Okay yeah I think I’m leaning towards staying put and not writing my fic. I’ve no doubt I could write it just fine, but who is this for? Me? Cause I don’t even want it since I get so triggered by the canon ship now a days. Case in point look at how long this rant got. Really who would even want to read this fic? One person if I’m lucky, so it’s not worth it. Granted I’ve never cared and still don’t care about who reads my fics. I write primarily for myself, and if just the thought of possibly writing it is stressing me out this much then I should just keep it buried. But it’s always in the back of my mind, just pestering me. Ugh.

Phew okay that was so much projecting, and I don’t even feel any better. This was just a lot of rambling and for basically nothing cause I’ve resolved nothing. Anyways, whoever you are canon shipper author, I’m happy for you. It really is dope that you decided to tell this story even though it’s not your ship. Okay time for sleep now

[boyfhee]

i woke up, went on tumblr.com like one does, and the first thing i see is “to you, with love” reblogged for me. 

so i closed the app. screamed a bit into a pillow. and came back to write this.

THE THING IS.. i read that work, im pretty sure i even left an ask but it was more shy, timid (?)in a sense - “thank u, this was beautiful ,i cried.”cuz i was overwhelmed lol <- the lol is to make is seem more causal as if my heart didnt feel like it was punched ^^

but i remember vividly going through heeseung hashtag and seeing this for the first time.. and the title was cute, i was like “oh fluff”. i had not read the genre or warnings notes before diving into it….

so u can imagine my reaction to this sentence…

“however, heeseung’s death changed that for you.” BTW  ofc the best time to read angst its dead into the night with taylor swift playing on my headphones :>

if i remember correctly, you deleted it (?) and then posted it again? i read it the very first time it was uploaded. this might have been a changing point cuz i didn't read angst.. not in it full potential like that before this and know im knees deep 

i finished reading it. and time kinda froze. the concept of hearing the voice of the love of your life. when things were good, were fine. i wept. BUT hearing them talk about what future could hold for both of u? knowing what u know now? literally curled with my phone in my hand and bawled my eyes out

promises… the forever heartbreaking factor of life.. what are they? meant to be broken or kept.. maybe neither.. i hate them… they give false hope for those who long and yearn to be reassure and make u believe that a single person could hold such a power over the universe… well, heeseung certainly couldn't.. no matter how genuinely his heart was beating while he said “forever”

wow, im in my feels again, i just loved it, truly loved it and cherished it for so long, in my own little world with spiraling thoughts about this, 

thank u thank u thank u  thank u!!!!!!!!!!! ur works mean the world to me

im sorry for making u sad with my ask, but i cant help it :] u made me feel too much !!!!!!!!!!

i loved the poem. the flashbacks from the fic hit me like a truck. whats ur favorite poem? ^^ i would love to read some if u have a recommendation

thanks for the little career stuff note, i appreciate it a lot truly

thank u in general, ure the coolest writer,  love u too 

ps. hee angst ?? i might die tho

                                               - > swift anonie ♡♡♡

ANON MAY I INTEREST YOU IN ANOTHER THOUGHT I HAD . about 'to you, my love' being set after 'if lovesick was a person' 😁😁 IT FITS SO WELL im so devastated actually . and that's why they tell u to read the warnings but who am i to say bc i straight up jump to the content ( i like surprises ) also i didn't delete it, my brother deleted my whole acc before i remade under the same user and reposted it 😭 oh but im so honoured that was the beginning of your angst reading arc, you should not be missing out on such a genre

and ur thoughts on promises, umm i can't say you're all wrong but i think they can serve as a driving force to do something? like some sort of motivation, or a reason idk . obvs, not saying that empty promises should be made. actually i dont have any opinion here, head empty. please never apologise for sending sad asks or wtv, i enjoy reading ur thought processes ure really really cool 🫵💗 as for poem recs hmm; i wandered lonely as a cloud by willian wordsworth, cadabianca by felicia dorothea hemans, la belle dame sams merci by john keats, rain before dawn, on a play twice seen and marching streets by fitzgerlad ( anything by him and emily dickinson is worth reading ) that's all i have on the top of my head

and no, thank u for taking ur time to write these asks, you're even cooler than me fr ☝️

[zephfair]

1, 4, 16, 34 for the writing meme

Hi! I'm sorry this took so long to answer! It's been a rough month, but I think everyone is feeling that holiday stress right now. Hope you are doing well and coping okay with everything. Thanks for the ask!

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

Honestly, I don’t care, so it’s the default most of the time. Then I got it into my head to try that crazy Tumblr idea of using Comic Sans to help you write more, but, yeah, that didn’t work for me. Then I forgot what my default was on LibreOffice so I settled on Liberation Serif which is fine.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Feral in a bad way? I honestly can’t think of any that I really hate. Maybe the word fart. When I was growing up, I honestly thought that was the dreaded “F Word” that adults whispered about. Mom didn’t let “fart” be used in our house so I thought it was a very dirty, vulgar, sinful word. Imagine my shock as a teenager when I learned the real F Word and what fart actually meant. That said, I’ve never used it or said it out loud. I guess Mom’s training seeped into my very soul. 😅

Some of the words I like that make me go feral in a good way: saponification, parsimonious, exsanguination, louche.

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I remembered this one right away! I’ve always just grabbed whatever is to hand when I am forced to stop reading. Usually it’s scrap paper, a tissue, piece of string, whatever is lying in reach, as long as it’s not alive. But when I was a kid, I vividly remember reading in the bathroom one evening and Mom was yelling at me to stop reading and get a move on, so I used what was handy. And it worked great. Then some time later (that night or the next day) Mom saw that I was marking my book with the torn off paper from the sticky back of a pad and she freaked out. I still don’t understand why she went nuts on me; well, I do, she was very particular and appearances meant a lot to her, even a hint of something out of the ordinary sent her spiraling, but it was literally just a piece of thin paper. It wasn’t dirty, hadn’t been used or anything. I took it off the back of a clean pad so it was clean? It hadn’t even made it to the trash can? I remember she made me throw it away because she was appalled. (And then I did it every month for a while because I was spiteful but she never noticed or yelled at me again. God, I was terrible daughter.)

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

It’s perfectly fine. I was taught it and used it properly right up until the first day of my first professional job. Then it was harshly beaten out of me because we adhered to a different style guide that forbade the Oxford comma except in very limited cases for clarity’s sake, but those could generally be written around. It was the same in every job I held in my profession. So, I don’t usually use it just because I can hear my first boss ranting in my ear, and it’s been trained out of me for longer than I actually grew up using it. Now when I throw it in, usually to help clarity, I feel indulgent. I know I should go back to using it regularly in fic, but it feels … weird.

Thanks for the asks! This is a fun one, if anyone else wants to ask.

[synchroniseddrifting]

Alright fam I promised myself I would write a mdzs coffee shop au, and I started and I don’t think I’ll ever finish, but y’all can have this anyways. Enjoy~~

SO BASICALLY, JC owns the Lotus Pier Coffee Shop and wwx works there 

Lwj comes to the shop and is s m i t t e n with wwx but refuses to show it

And wwx is flirting but gets no reaction from lwj

So he’s salty and all ‘boi why won’t you look at me’

And the entire time lwj is like (heart eye emojis) 

And wwx is like “this asshole won’t let me kiss him, I am actually so offended”

Meanwhile lwj is like “I want to see him everyday for the rest of my life maybe even multiple times a day omg omg hes here he’s taking my order HE’S TALKING TO ME AHGHHHHH” but on the outside he’s like, ‘Thank you.’ 

ANYWAYS one day lxc comes along to see why lwj went from going out once in a blue moon to visiting the coffee shop every day and he sees wwx and hes like ‘lol thats so lwj’s type, maybe I should tell him’ and then he turns to lwj to see him very intensely staring at wwx and he’s like ‘okay, he knows’ and lxc knows he won’t say anything, so he’s also like, ‘gonna play matchmaker ayyyyyyy’ 

So basically, lxc invites jc and wwx over for dinner with him and lwj, and then he’s like to lwj ‘come for dinner’ and lwj is like, ‘k big bro’ and then he comes over and then jc and wwx are also there and he basically walks out again, and lxc is like, ‘oh, lwj, where you off to? :)’ and lwj is like, ‘I am not putting up with this shit’ but also he does bc w w x i s r i g h t t h e r e s i t t i n g n e x t t o h i m h e m i g h t a c t u a l l y c r y and lxc is like, ‘lol, so cute’ 

And then lxc is like, k lol, me and jc are off now, bye! 

And wwx is like k byeeee!! And jc is like, uh, bye? Is lwj is like ???? WHERE ARE YOU GOING???? COME BACK???? And lxc blows him a kiss and leaves with jc and wwx is talking and lwj is going to D I E 

And then jc and lxc come back and then jc and wwx leave and lwj literally cannot speak for the rest of the night and lxc is like, why didn’t y’all kiss????? 

And then the next day, wwx invites lwj and lxc over for dinner with him and jc but then neither jc nor lxc turn up, and its just them two and then they kiss. Very cute, the end!!!

[violettduchess]

Aheeeee!! FIRST OF ALL, I'd love to take this chance to say that I have always been awed and inspired by your writing! You are the third person I followed ever since I joined tumblr and aaaaaa you're so so good! You always inspire me to write!

I will throw my shyness away and hehe wanna request🙈 Can you write about an MC who gushes or cries while reading a book? I really love your Ikevamp works so hehe, maybe 3 ikevamp dudes? SORRY AND THANK YOU!!

Have a nice day!!!

A/N: Thank you for the request anon and for the kind words. Here you go: 3 different vamps, 3 different fic flavors 😉

Theodorus

It’s later than you even know as you pull the blanket tighter around your shoulders, your eyes never leaving the page they are fixed on. The ticking of the clock, the slow arc the moon is making across the sky just outside the library window, the candle slowly but surely sinking to its waxy knees are all lost to you because you are not there. A book has caught your imagination, sunk its claws deep into it and taken complete control. Nothing exists for you outside the world you are seeing so vividly in your mind.

You are so enchanted by the story you are reading, you don’t notice the door to the library slowly open, nor the man who steps inside, his gaze sweeping the room like a lighthouse scanning the sea for dangerous rocks. He sees the dim candlelight and the top of your head peeking out from the wingback chair and can’t help the clucking noise his tongue makes against the roof of his mouth as he walks towards you. He’s been worried. No one he asked knew where you were.

His steps die the moment he sees your face. Delight has made your eyes bright as stars, your cheeks pink with pleasure and your lips pressed together in anticipation as you read, one hand gripping the book tightly, the other pressed unwittingly against your heart. 

Theo slowly lowers himself into the chair adjacent from yours, quiet so as not to disturb you. Because he recognizes the way your soul is freely showing itself, the way a work of art has loosened it from the shackles of your body and given it fragile, temporary wings. It is a feeling he is intimately acquainted with.

You finish the chapter you were reading and a visible shudder runs through you. It is only then that you look up, startled when you see Theo rising from the chair and heading toward you.

“Theo?” He kneels in front of you, bending his head and takes your hand, the one that was pressed to your heart, and lifts it to his lips, placing a tender kiss to the top. Setting aside your book, you reach out to stroke his sun-kissed hair. “Theo? Is everything ok?” you ask again, your tone soft with affection and pitched in slight concern.

He offers you a smile, one that holds all the love he feels for you in its curves. “Everything is fine, Hondje.” He glances at the book you’ve set aside for him. “Would you like to tell me what you have been reading?”

Leonardo

“Sei pazzo?? Perchè lo hai fatto?!” Are you crazy? Why did you do that?

Lumiere is very displeased as he watches the hallway bop up and down from his prison in Leonardo’s arms. His ears are flat, his tail flicking in annoyance as he has to listen to his vampire scolding him in very rapid Italian. He should be praising him for his daring attempt to tackle the entire flock of geese that had been waddling around so temptingly on the lawn of the mansion.

He also knows his human will likely be cross as well. She is never pleased when he does things she considers “not safe.” Bah. What do they know about the thrill of the hunt?

The door to Leonardo’s room opens. His vampire stops walking when he takes in the sight before him. His human, sitting cross-legged on the bed, her face wet, surrounded by sodden handkerchiefs and a book in her lap. This causes Leonardo’s muscles to go slack in surprise for just a moment. Lumiere seizes his chance and leaps to freedom, dashing around a pile of papers and wiggling himself into a cat-sized darkened corner under the desk where he knows it will take them forever to find him. 

You don’t notice Lumiere’s daring prison break. You’ve been sobbing for almost a quarter of an hour. Leonardo rushes to your side.

“Cara mia? What happened?” He wraps his arms around you, his beautiful sunlight eyes now clouded with concern.

“Oh, Leo,” you managed between stuttered breaths, “It’s-It’s s-s-so sad!” You are lost again to a wave of tears, a veritable monsoon of emotion and your poor boyfriend is wracking his brain while cuddling you close, trying to figure out what on earth could have happened in the twenty minutes he was chasing Lumiere around outside. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” He reaches for the least-used looking handkerchief and hands it to you as you nod, blowing your nose.

“You know the book I’ve been reading? Well the poor but handsome soldier with the heart of gold who fell in love with the wealthy daughter of an evil Baron and won her affection through sweet antics and acts of bravery, including saving her favorite pony from a poisonous snake, has died a very heroic death saving a group of orphan children on his way back from the war, and will now never know that the daughter of the Baron, who he secretly married right before he left and was banished to her grandmother’s estate when her father found out about the marriage but then escaped, was rushing back to find him because she has given birth to his child and was only a few kilometers away from the place where he died and now they will never, ever reunite and it’s just SO SAD.” You burst into a flood of fresh tears, wrapping your arms around Leonardo and burying your wet face in his shoulder.

He has no idea what on earth you are talking about. He understood maybe a third of what you said. But what he does know is how to hold you to him, a hand running up and down your back, comforting and calming as he kisses your temple. “Ah, cara mia. Amore mio. It’s ok. Shhh.” He rocks you in his arms, continuing to murmur sweet words and letting you ride the wave of emotions you are so swept up in.

Lumiere watches the both of you from the dark corner under the desk and feels justified in his opinion that you are both the crazy ones, not him.

Faust

Diligent. Focused. Stubborn. Johann Georg Faust is all these things. But even he is having difficulty concentrating at the moment. Because right now, as he sits at the desk in his room, trying to write down his notes about the day’s experiments, you are already in bed, knees up with a book resting against your thighs and you are sniffling. Loudly.

He glances over his shoulder, his elegant hands splayed across the blank pages of his notebook, and draws a breath as he attempts to assess the situation. You are reading something that is apparently triggering a very emotional response. You’re crying…..and then he turns fully in his chair, thoughts of his experiments dissolving as he focuses entirely on you.

Your eyes are liquid stars, their light clinging in radiant drops to your eyelashes. Your cheeks are pink and wet as rose petals in autumn rain. You are Isolde, leaning over Tristan’s lifeless body, a vision of captivating sorrow.

He stands, moved to action by both your sadness and the beauty connected to it. You are startled by his sudden weight on the bed next to you, blinking as you reach up to wipe away your tears.

“I’m sorry, Johann. I didn’t mean to-” The rest of your words wilt on your lips as his index finger presses against them. His other hand is touching your cheek, cupping it in his hand as if it were made of the finest porcelain. His eyes remind you of the unearthly green of burning copper sulfate. Spellbinding, unsettling, heart-racing. 

He moves faster than shadows when the light is blown out, covering you with his body, his mouth claiming yours. Two flames burn within him, vying for control. The first wants to warm you, to chase away your sadness with a heat that wraps itself around your bones like a bonfire on a cold, autumn night. The other wants to incinerate you, to have you burn in the flames of rapturous pleasure until you are nothing but soft ash between his fingers. 

As you wrap your arms around him, as you hear the soft hiss of his fangs protracting, the book that had so moved you falls to the floor, its spine hitting the wood with a loud thump.

Neither of you notice.

💧

Tagging: @aquagirl1978 @atelieredux @alixennial @alexxavicry @queengiuliettafirstlady @rhodolitesroseforclavis @somekidnamedkai @ikemen-prince-writers-posts @bellerose-arcana @thewitchofbooks @ikehoe @redheadkittys @themysticalbeing @dear-mrs-otome @firestar-otomeobsessed @curious-skybunny @leotoru

[moxfirefly]

So I saw the Mikey breeding kink and.... if Leo hasn’t been done yet, if it’s not to much trouble, could you grace your readers with a “spring fever” Leo? I’m so embarrassed I can’t use the right words 🙈

Love how you write the BayVerse boys! Very impressive! ( my reaction to reading the Mikey fic)

You know I don’t think I have done the spring fever ordeal with blue boi so why the heck not, I’m sure everyone will dig it.

So goes without saying

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

Leo prides himself in his training, his astute ways and ability to control his body and mind. If anything he has the best control out of his brothers, hours of meditation can do that to you. So when those pesky spring feelings roll in, he’s a very capable terrapin, very much aware that he can push those nagging little urges down with training.

He’s quite proud of himself, up until you come into his life.

And that urge to possess and procreate hits him so ridiculously hard it gives him whiplash.

Because Leo has never had his body surge with so much need and desire. It’s never gotten so bad that he breaks out in a sweat just imagining how delectable it would be to shove himself inside of you, feel you spasm around his girth and look up at him with pleading lust filled eyes.

Leo isn’t aware how tightly he’s been clutching the tea box until he smells the leafs. Scents are ten times stronger now, it’s pretty irritating but not when he can quite vividly recall the smell of your skin and the way sweat clings to your body as he drives himself into you over and over and-

He shakes his head, shakes every memory and thought until it’s blank.

A run, he could use a run topside and it’s late enough that he won’t worry about prying eyes. Patrol had been called off but that didn’t mean he couldn’t train his body (or overtrain it to the point of exhaustion). He’s got his gear on in record time and soon the rooftops are all he knows.

But his feet are treacherous and instinct is stronger than will. He’s been running half an hour and still manages to land on your apartment complex with every muscle in his legs twitching to push him further towards your fire escape.

Leo swears he fucking teleported there, he’d only toyed with the thought and he’s there, forehead pressed to the window and breathing steadily through his nostrils.

He can leave, he can go back home and just hide out in his room until this time is over. He can mediate for hours, give up and just masturbate the excess energy out and that would be it. In all earnest truth, Leo is low key ashamed of how he gets when spring fever hits and having you see him at his most primal, must inhuman, it somewhat worries him.

And he wants to punch himself because autopilot has him knocking on the window. The very second your smiling faces appears as the curtains are pushed open, he’s done for. It’s even worse when you push up the window and your scent hits him like a bullet to the gut.

“Hey there handsome, I thought you had training tonight?” You reach out and run a hand across his cheek and the very notion of it has him swallowing, god have you always been this soft? Blue eyes scan you, run a path down your neck, towards your chest and he loathes that you’re bra-less and fuck-

Leo climbs in barely giving you a second to side step and give him some room. You want to ask what’s wrong but he clutches your wrist and gives you a studying glance.

“Tell me to leave” He says and he didn’t expect the strain in his voice, the almost painful feeling that runs down his throat. “Tell me to leave because all I want to do to you right now...” His lips press tightly into a line, he runs a thumb over your pulse and feels the pitter patter of it.

“What, Leo? All you want to do is what?” You lick your dry lips and the motion cuts him like a hot knife, slices into his dumb reptile brain and all he sees is that tongue running up the length of his cock-

FOCUS

You grin, you honest to god grin and Leo’s frozen on the spot.

“What Lee? You’ll fuck me? You’ll do it so hard and so good I won’t walk right for a few days?” Your voice is a mocking tone of innocence and he wonders if you’re truly aware of the implications of challenging him mean for you. “I know what happens during this time, don’t be ashamed” The hand gripping your wrist is placed delicately against your breast and Leo makes a sound that’s best described as a whine. The size of his hand, how easily he engulfs the mound and he squeezes roughly enough to make you bite your lip.

There’s a huff and a yelp and he’s fucking teleported again to the bedroom with you over his shoulder. It’s ridiculously how fast he’s moved and he wants to chastise himself for how he acts. How easily he rips the fabric of your flimsy shirt, how your jeans give way when he tears them to ribbons. His gear is gone, a clatter of weapons and pads and the last thing you see is the blue fabric of his mask slip over his head. It’s the last because he secures it around your eyes in a way the eyeholes aren’t visible for you, you’re effectively blind for the rest of this evening.

“Safe word” He growls out.

“Kunai” You choke out when he spreads your legs roughly.

Leo buries his face between your thighs, he pushes his snout roughly against your folds and the churr that escapes him only serves to weaken you. The vibrations makes your toes curl and once he regains enough of a coherent thought, he laps at your folds. Your hands fly to the back of his head, keeping him in place and Leo moans a long ‘fuuuuck’ that he must’ve been holding onto for a while now. It’s so sloppy, so unlike him and something about it makes it ten times hotter for you. Your hips buckle and thrust up into his skillful tongue, each suckle and lick making you moan. He rears back with a deep inhale and you wished you could see his face, see how he licks his lips and revels in your taste. The discarded wrist wraps are picked up and Leo does quick work of wrapping them around your delicate wrists. He’s got half a mind to make sure it’s properly and safely secured, he takes a second to look at the display.

You sprawled out on the bed, chest heaving, scent surrounding him and legs sneakily enticing him forward.

“This is all mine” Its not a question, it’s a statement. Because it’s true, you’re all his, there isn’t an ocean he wouldn’t cross for you. You hear the rustle of his pants and the weight of him is back on the bed. His lips find your breast and he latches onto the nipple, teeth and tongue. He sucks hard, his other hand cupping and kneading the second mound. Your bound wrist lift, fingers wiggling to grab something, anything. You settle for the rails of your headboard. “Im going to fill you up,” He mutters it against your breast, tongue darting out to lick the bruise he just sucked onto it. “I could just keep you like this all week, pump my seed into you every night till I knock you up” He sounds half drunk and very honest at the same time. You look around, mouth agape at his statement but blind to his next movements. His large hands clamp down onto your waist and he drags you down to the end of your bed. Before you can process a thought he’s flipped you onto your stomach and raised your hips. Leo takes another brief moment to admire you, glistening folds and supple rear, it’s lacking in something he can’t help but wonder.

The first smack to your rear jostles you, your knees buckle and you fall forwards due to your bound hands. It burns, it fucking stings and it’s fantastic. He’d barely allowed himself to lay on you at times and here he was spanking you with enough force that it caught your breath. “Oh fuck!” You feel his palm run down heated flesh, feel the way he caresses in wonderment. “Move, move it for me” The tip of his finger runs down your cheek, for the first time in the night you’re embarrassed, this is so unlike him.

But god do you love it.

You wiggle your rear at him, there’s a soft little chuckle on his behalf. Gaining some confidence you wiggle it some more, spread your legs and try to look behind yourself. “Please, sensei, please?” Leo couldn’t have dreamt this up better, straight from a fantasy he’s visited many a time. His mask around your eyes, his wraps around your wrist, his hand print on your rear. All of it, his, his own doing, his own making. “What? Use your words” His unoccupied hand wraps around his stiff and leaking member, the mere touch is enough to make him jittery. He starts to pump, languidly but firmly. “Please, fuck me, I want it so bad” You huff out, arching your back and enticing his view further. His stomach drops, a vertigo inducing feeling with how much he craves you. A hand to your neck pulls you back, he’s hastily untying your wrist but before you can reach for him, he’s retied them.

Behind your back.

You gulp.

You swallow anticipation and exhale desire.

There’s a pillow under your cheek, half shoved in haste to keep you at a more bearable angle. You hear him rummage through your night stand and hear the squeeze of the lube bottle, it makes you bite your lip. Even more so when the cool liquid connects with your heated core. A lengthy moan is yanked out of you the moment he drives into you, because that’s what Leo does, he pushes into you and it’s empty to full in a matter of seconds. Your fingers flex and ball into fist, every sense is turned up to eleven, overwhelming just doesn’t encompass it enough. Leo thrusts hard enough that you lock your knees to prevent going face first into the pillow. “You’re all mine” And he punctuates it with another hard drive of his cock. A hand finds your bound wrists and he yanks your torso off the mattress, you gasp and cry out when he starts moving in short but deliberate thrusts. A more debautched side of your brain wishes you could see this, there full length mirror is right by your bed.

You wanna see him, you wanna see him at his most primal, with only instinct and desire driving him. Shaking your prove futile, Leo knows his knots, but on one particular hard smack of his hips he lets you fall forward. You smudge your face against the pillow, enough to get one side of your eye free, casting your gaze towards the mirror you almost tear a hole to your bottom lip. Sometimes you forget how massive he is, he doesn’t tower like most of his brothers, but he does over you. His strength, the clenching and unclenching of muscle. He’s concentrated, eyes watching as your rear smacks against the bottom of his plastron.

He looks feral.

One mission, one objective.

You keep watching, moans louder than before and when you catch blue eyes find your own in the mirror you freeze. Leo grins, he grins in the way he does when he gets his way with something. His hands lift you back against him, he’s yanked the mask off and he’s being driven by pure lust now. He wraps a hand around your neck, gently but with purpose, he holds your gaze towards the mirror and looks at you through it. “Like what you see?” His voice is low, a grumble as he fucks you, all you can do is nod at his question. “My. Pretty. Toy.” He emphasis each word with three deep thrust and you clamp down so hard around him you actually fear you might hurt him. It’s so intense your eyes water, it’s so intense that you basically growl your pleasure and something about that makes Leo tighten his hold on your throat and fuck faster. He cums like that, watching you and himself from the mirror, hips never slowing down when each rope of cum hits and coats the inside of you.

Your mouth hangs open, drool slips from a corner. Leo’s hand slips from your throat, opting to enclose his arms around you. You feel the hot gushes of air hit the top of your head as your knees shake, his gaze remains on you. There’s a hint of fear, the trickles of shame wanting to come out as his mind briefly comes back to some normalcy.

No, let him stay like this.

You squeeze around him and he whimpers, you squeeze again and he whispers your name under his breath.

Grinning, you say...

“I thought you were going to knock me up”

Leo’s eyes widen, he swallows every little pesky thought. His eyes travel towards your dresser, towards the dresser drawer where you keep some rope and toys.

You both grin.

[jishyucks]

Me and You Against the World ‣ hjs

‣ genre: royalty!au, arranged marriage, female reader, pls read an!

‣ wc: 4.7k

‣ summary: "I don't understand why they judge when they don't even know you…"; in which you don't let the words of others get in the way of your relationship with Jisung

‣ warnings?: Itzy is mean in this (but it doesn't reflect how they are irl!), prejudice due to less wealth, lots of thinking

‣ an: These events are what leads to this fic but in a different 'era.' Basically, I decided to just write the ending of this fic in a rich kid au setting instead of a royal au setting and just post that,,, but since I already wrote a lot of it, I decided to post it! It can be read separately but this doesn't have a proper ending.

i.

You can vividly remember the reactions of all the other princesses when they found out you were arranged to marry none other than Prince Han Jisung. They snickered and laughed. They blatantly shared pitiful glances, taking turns to pat your shoulder as if it could bring you a sense of comfort.

Of course, at the growing age of fourteen, you had no idea why they had been acting as so. From images and stories you received of the Prince, he seemed like someone who would be easy to get along with. So why the judgmental looks?

"They're the poorest of all the kingdoms, Y/N," Yeji pointed out, "Your kingdom is one of the richest, of course, after mine. Don't you think that's rather odd?" She traced the laces of her gloves and scoffed discourteously.

You bring the teacup up to your mouth, eyeing your friend curiously, "What do you mean by that?" You gulped, afraid that the image of your family name would be stained. It was not your choice, however, nor your parents'. You had been drawn to be last when choosing a suitor, and naturally, from the apparent reputation and wealth of the Han family, their son was the last left to be selected.

Yeji scoffed, the other princesses laughing at how naive you've been acting, "Obviously, their family's going to leech off of your family. I think your parents should rethink their decision of choosing Han Jisung as your future husband."

Shaking your head, you frowned at the meaningless words that your friend had been spitting out, "I don't think that's needed… Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Help each other out? How bad can Han Jisung be?”

Lia finally speaks up, "I heard that he rolls around the mud with their pigs."

"And… he doesn't even take a bath after doing so," Yuna budges in. She stirred the cooling tea with a miniature spoon, a smirk rising up to her lips, "Imagine how his bed smells. Rancid."

"I hear he's poor-mannered, too… that he lacks the respect a prince should need towards others," Ryujin says stiffly, "Just generally not fit to be a king. I feel bad for you, Y/N."

There was a brief silence between the six of you, the sound of Yuna's spoon tapping the sides of the cup occupying that silence. Though you felt yourself frown at the possibility that you were to be married to an ill-mannered prince, you quickly shook those thoughts out and tried your best to ignore them. You were taught never to be driven towards believing rumours or gossip in this case. Who were they to judge someone they never met? Except for Yeji, who met him through her brother.

"I ask you all not to pity me in any sort," you finally say, "Not until I've met him. Besides… those are just rumours. He could be much better than you hear." Satisfied with how you handled the situation, you straightened your back and took a long sip of your tea, mentally preparing yourself for your first meeting with the Prince.

—

Upon arriving at the valley region, the kingdom owned by the Han's, you immediately understand why your parents settled with their son. Though you were last to choose your suitor, your parents and his parents seemed to be closely acquainted, smiles on their faces and direct contact as they greeted each other. You stood back, watching the exchange begin and end, rather amused at how happy both sets of parents looked.

"I'm so happy you all arrived safely," the Queen of the valley region clasped her hands. The King nodded and let his wife continue, "And I'm so glad that our children are to be married by chance… All the other young princesses chose, while you–" She looked over your mother's shoulder and at you, "You and my precious son fell into this arrangement by fate's doing! The world wanted this."

Your mother responded by smiling fondly, "I never viewed the situation like that!" They begin to move up the stairs towards the front entryway, the knights moving along the four majesties. You followed closely behind, listening in on the conversation as you let your eyes wander around. "My mother had been upset that Y/N fell last, telling me I would not be able to choose the best," your mother began, "But I don't see any problem with that."

Compared to other castles you've visited, you could definitely see how much wealth the Hans did have. It was still very much a beautiful castle. It was well-kept and unique in build. Something drew you to it. But you couldn't exactly point out what part of it did.

"I understand your mother's perspective," the King chuckled, "No one likes being last. However, I believe that in such matter, no one is stuck with the 'worst.'"

At this point, everyone had entered the castle, and this was when you could see that the Hans were, in fact, less wealthy than the other royal families. Much of the furniture and interior decorations were quite old, almost antique, but again, it was a feature of the castle that drew you in. The outside of the castle looked much larger than the interior.

"Ah! I almost forgot," the Queen turned to look at your family, "My son is out and about exploring. We instructed him to come in time to greet you guys at the entrance but boys his age never listen." At the mention of Jisung, you almost forgot about him, causing your curiosity to rise.

"Miss Kim?"

A lady appeared from another room, hurriedly approaching the Queen with a bow, "Yes, your majesty?"

"Please escort Princess Y/N to Prince Jisung," she instructed gently, "It will be nice for them to get acquainted while we continue with our conversation about this arrangement."

Miss Kim nodded and waved you over with a motherly smile, "Let us go, Princess." You quickly bid your parents goodbye before trailing behind Miss Kim. Though her legs were short, she moved with ease, almost flying down the corridor with a constant speed. She didn't look back to see if you had still been following her as your footsteps helped her indicate your presence.

"I suspect the Prince is somewhere by the garden," she mutters urgently, "Or by the river."

"River?" you questioned. The idea of a river caused you to smile. Your family ruled the mountain region, meaning there were not many rivers to visit. A river would be a nice change in scenery. Miss Kim finally leads you out of the back of the castle, the sight of flowers taking over your line of sight.

"Prince Jisung?" she called out, "Prince Jisung?" It was rather enjoyable seeing Miss Kim run around frantically in search of the Prince. Your mind wanders back to the conversation you had with other princesses, how the Prince is ill-mannered, one who was not fit to be a king. With his absence in greeting you and your family, you're afraid that the other princesses were actually correct with this information.

"I'm over here, Miss Kim!" a voice called out, "By the pond!"

Once again, Miss Kim waved for you to follow you. You hiked up your dress and tried your best to keep up with her speed, though she still kept the same pace she previously had. She walked straight down the stone path, turning right onto another pathway, and then left, finally revealing a beautifully decorated pond.

"Ah, there you are, my prince!" Miss Kim had been blocking your view of the third presence, marching towards the pond. You let her move ahead, allowing her to approach the Prince on her own, "The Y/L/Ns are here… your mother strictly told you that you should be there to greet them."

Still a voice with no face, you hear him reply, "I'm sorry, I lost track of time… I'm feeding the fish!" There was a moment of silence as the Prince went to stand up, finally revealing the frame of his body to you. He turns to face your direction. His head was kept down as he dusted off the dirt from his pants.

"Do I have time to chan–" The Prince finally noticed you standing yards away from him and Miss Kim, causing him to halt abruptly in his words, "–ge?"

"Your parents have ordered for you two to get acquainted," Miss Kim stated, "I assume I will be the one to call you both shortly for dinner." At this, she turns to hurry back, leaving you and the Prince alone.

He bows stiffly, "Nice to meet you. I'm Jisung."

He bowed… that's a good indication of manners, right? You curtsy, "I'm Y/N."

"I know who you are," he says happily, beginning to walk back towards the main path. You follow, "You know they call you the 'Snow Princess' here? Which I don't understand because the mountains aren't always filled with snow." He looks back to see if you followed him, "Do you mind if we drop our titles with each other? We are at the same standing."

"I don't mind," you replied. You're taken aback at his apparent tendency to talk, "We are arranged to marry in a few years…."

"Well, Y/N," he begins, a bright smile on his face, "How should we begin?"

You watch as he advances forward, hands swinging carelessly, something you were taught never to do. As a princess, you were taught to cross your hands in front of you to give you a poised appearance. Jisung had a hop in his step, his posture could be straighter, and his hair was unkempt. You could already say that Yeji's brother, Hyunjin, was probably the opposite of Jisung. He kept himself tidy, he came on time to schedules and never interrupted when another was speaking. This is perhaps what Ryujin meant when she said Jisung was not fit for a king.

"How do you like to spend your time?" You questioned. You figured that this was a way to start a conversation, hoping that it would blossom into another.

Jisung hummed in thought, "If I'm not doing my studies or sleeping, I tend to spend my time here… just deep in thought." He raised his arms, presenting the garden to you.

"You don't go horseback riding? How about practicing swordsmanship?"

He shrugs, "We're short on horses right now, and my father is prioritizing the knights with the horses since they need it. As for swordsmanship, my mother wants me to wait until I'm older."

Short on horses?

"Ahhh, I understand," you nodded awkwardly, "If you ever come to my kingdom, I'll take you horseback riding! You seem like the person who would love doing it."

This sparks a feeling of joy in Jisung, a smile reflecting it, "That would be really nice! I'll look forward to that." He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his dress pants, "How about you? How do you spend your time?"

"I do studies, like you… I read, visit the village. Horseback riding, of course… suddenly I can't think once I'm asked," you laughed, "But I'm often very active and doing my duties."

"Your life sounds a lot more interesting than mine," he grins, trying to laugh the sad reality off, "It's evident in the way you can't even list all of your activities." You could see his smile start to falter, bangs falling over his forehead as he looked down at his feet.

You feel your heart stutter, and soon you're frowning. The words you had told the other princesses echoed in your head. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Help each other out?

Reaching out, you grab ahold of his wrist. At the sudden contact, he flinched slightly before relaxing at the realization, "You're still happy, aren't you?"

He nods gently, still dwelling on the fact that even though you both stood at the same social standing, his wealth didn't amount to yours, and he couldn't help but be embarrassed. He couldn't help but feel bad you were stuck with him as a future husband when it was quite obvious you could do better.

"Then that's what matters," you say. A part of you wanted to tell him not to compare his life to others, but you stopped yourself, refraining from creating emphasis on your wealth and his supposed slight lack of it.

At your exchange of glances and sympathetic smiles, the footsteps of Miss Kim grew closer. Looking over, you see as she's waving you both over for dinner. Jisung nodded and held up a thumbs up to indicate that you both were going to follow, sending Miss Kim back to tend to the meal.

Jisung turns to once more, "Thank you, Y/N. I'll live by that."

–

"So?"

Yeji, Hyunjin, and Lia sat around the table, eyeing you as if you owed them something of great importance. You stared back at them, straightening your back as you become aware of the attention on you.

"Pardon?" What is it that you needed to tell them? You didn't recall promising them any sort of information, nor did you have news to pass on.

"How was your visit to the valley region?" Lia questioned, "Was it all as they say it was?"

Yeji leaned towards you, "And Prince Jisung? Was he ill-mannered?"

You mentally bring a hand to your forehead, comprehending what it was they were expecting from you. You assume they wanted you to traduce the Han family and their kingdom. But despite the obvious difference in wealth they had from the rest of the kingdoms and the fact that Jisung lacked the training he needed as a prince, you found no problems in the Han family.

"Their castle was unique," you begin, "It was beautiful, actually." You use a fork to poke into the sliced fruit laid out on a plate, bringing it to your mouth as you wait for their reactions. As anticipated, puzzled looks rose up onto their faces, rather confused about your comment. You continue, "The interior was beautiful as well. Not as extravagant as the Hwang family's castle, but it was still a sight to look at. It was adorned with flowers.

"As for Prince Jisung," you could feel some sense of protection over him, biting back your tongue from saying rude things to those in front of you, "He's just as much a prince as Hyunjin. He's playful and carefree, is all. So I hope you all should refrain from listening to the gossip being spread about the Han family, especially since they're going to be part of my family in the future." The three of them sat back and nodded. You wished you could laugh at the embarrassed and apologetic looks on their faces, but to their eyes, that would not be very polite of you.

ii.

It wasn't until two years later that Jisung had been actually able to visit your kingdom. Though you did enjoy visiting his kingdom and enjoying the change in scenery, having him come to yours was something you had wished for ever since you met him.

Over the past two years of getting to know each other, you had grown much closer than you initially expected. Jisung had a view on life that contrasted to yours in more ways than one, and learning of the different perspectives of the world allowed you to adopt an open mind. You believe that he made you a better princess and future Queen.

Likewise, Jisung has been able to get a taste of what a typical royal life is like through you. Though his family was still able to experience the everyday duties and privilege of being royalty, there were limitations when it came to his position. Through you, he could at least understand what other things were expected of him. As he grew physically, he grew mentally, learning to appear princely in front of others without completely stripping the playful personality he had around those close to him.

Regardless of what others did say about the Han family, the relationship between you both worked well in all sorts of ways. You would always think about what Jisung's mother had told your parents, how you both were brought together by fate, and in that sense, you guys were meant to be partners.

"Ready to ride horses?" You had a mischievous grin on your face as you pulled the boy behind you.

"Why are you smiling as if the horses could kill me?" Jisung eyed you suspiciously, genuinely afraid of what could happen next. He stumbled over his own feet as he followed you, scared yet excited.

You laughed, "I mean, they can, but they won't."

The two of you finally arrived at the stable, catching Seungmin placing the saddles onto the horses. He greeted you and Jisung with a bow before speeding up in doing his task.

"I promise you, I won't let you get hurt in any way," you say. You asked Seungmin to bring the horse out for Jisung, who refused to guide the horse without experience, "You'll get the hang of it. Watch me get on and do the same."

He nods, listening to every single syllable of your words. Setting your left foot onto the stirrup, you grab hold of the saddle and heave yourself up after a couple of bounces on your right foot. You swing your leg over your horse, Blizz, with ease, quickly making yourself comfortable on the horse.

"That… that can't be too hard…." Jisung muttered. He mirrors what you previously did, setting his foot onto the stirrup and grabbing hold of the top of the saddle. You watched as he bounces countlessly on his right foot, unable to find the right time to pull himself up.

"Do you need help, Prince Jisung?" Seungmin questioned. You almost forgot that he was standing aside because of how amused you had grown in watching Jisung.

Jisung shook his head, mentally shooing Seungmin away as he finally times everything right and heaves himself up. Forgetting to throw his leg over the horse's, Buran, body, for a brief moment, Jisung's body had been doing over the horse, hovering as his foot stuck to the stirrup.

"Sung, throw your leg over!" You exclaimed, holding back a laugh. You shouldn't even laugh, as he barely rides horses, but you couldn't help but find the situation hysterical. Jisung was close to panicking, but right when he was going to back off of the horse, he finally found the courage to build momentum to swing his leg over.

"I did it!" He gasped. Jisung shifted slightly on the saddle to make himself comfortable, a proud and bright smile on his face.

"You're a natural!" You tease. You let Blizz move closer to Buran, mirroring Jisung's smile widely, "It's actually difficult getting on horses. I'm surprised you didn't have much trouble."

"Of course," he joked, winking, "I'm me."

You playfully hit his shoulder before going over the ways he was supposed to guide his horse. He listened carefully, never seeming to blink for the next ten minutes of your brief lesson, "I won't go any faster than this." You rode circles around Jisung, keeping your attention directly on him. Judging by the expression on his face, he was nervous to begin moving, "Are you ready?"

Jisung nods confidently, gesturing for you to go ahead of him so that he can follow.

"I'm staying beside you," you told him.

You both started off slow, following a man-made path that circled your family's castle. Jisung had great control of Buran, though his knuckles were white from the grip had on its reins. You assure him that he was okay, that Buran was well trained and would not go out of control even with the most hectic of occurrences.

"Are you sure you haven't ridden before?" You questioned, "Wanna speed up a little bit?"

He nods, "Not so quick, though… I want to ease into it." You nod understandingly as you both begin to speed up. He follows you, heart pounding at the possibility that Buran would not understand his controls, "I've ridden once before, but my father was the one controlling the horse… He let me hold onto the reins, but that was about it."

"How long ago was that?"

"When I was about five."

Making plenty of rounds around the castle, you decide to divert down the path down to the edge of the town. Jisung followed you, even moving slightly ahead, "Your kingdom is beautiful, Y/N."

"I could say that about yours, Sung," you catch up to him and let your gaze fall onto Jisung. The gentle breeze softly brushed through his hair, exposing his forehead. You could tell that he was slowly growing used to the feeling of riding. You figured that speaking to him was a great distraction from the nerves.

He smiles at the mention of his home before shaking his head, "Oh hush… this is about you." He returns your gaze, snickering once he gets a proper look at you. Despite you both being on horses, the space between you both would have been considered close.

"What's so funny?"

He reaches forward and picks out a leaf that had flown into your hair, "Since when did you get so messy?" Letting the leaf fly out of his hand, he winks jokingly at you, causing you to almost fall off Blizz.

"I've always been messy," you rolled your eyes. At the sight of the town, you advanced faster, making sure that Jisung was comfortable without your guidance, "The only reason my bedroom is not cave-like is because of the caretakers."

Jisung won't say it out loud, but somehow, flaws such as this made him fall harder for you. Though you appeared to fit how princesses should be, the more he learned about you, the more he understood that you were just as human as any of those he ruled and you ruled.

"Do you want to stop by the bakery before returning to the castle?" You turned back to look at Jisung, who had chosen to fall back slightly just to catch a glimpse of you, "You can meet Mr. Yang! He'll love you!"

Jisung nodded and trailed closely behind you, ensuring that he wouldn't lose you, not that he actually would lose you. The town's buildings grew closer, the townspeople walking to and from them.

It was nice to see the attire and the architecture of those who lived in your region. Compared to Jisung's region, where people often wore sleeveless or short sleeves, the people wore longer sleeves and thin layers. Though the weather was not at all bad, he figured that they had grown used to this type of weather and generally wanted to dress warmer. The buildings were built on top of platforms that separated the actual structure from the ground, probably to avoid the permafrost during colder days.

"We're here," you turned back, noticing the awe in Jisung's expression. He shook the look off and smiled, slowing the speed of his steed just as u had, "I wonder if Jeongin is in! I've known him since I was younger."

Jisung took time to hop off his horse before dusting off his trousers to make himself look presentable. You were ensuring that the horses were tied tightly at a nearby post, waiting for Jisung to join you. Once he had done so, you both made your way into a large building, the name of the bakery on the front: Yang-Yum Bakery.

"Mr. Yang!"

"Princess! Welcome!" An older man had his head raised over the counter, a deep smile on his face, "And is this Prince Jisung?" He stood up straight and bowed, "Welcome to my bakery. Princess Y/N has told me so much about you!"

Jisung felt his ears warm up before smiling back, "Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Yang."

The baker kept the smile on his face as he moved down the counter towards his baked goods, "What would you like? It is on me today as a welcome gift to the Prince."

Jisung's eyes widened at the selection of goods, his mouth watering at how good they all looked. He could hear you thanking Mr. Yang, "Is Jeongin helping out today?"

"Unfortunately not, Princess. He's out doing errands for Mrs. Yang," Mr. Yang retorted. You nodded understandingly before turning your attention down towards the treats. You spot your favourite ones, the meringue cookies, and then the honey-bread, a close second.

"What do you want, Sung?" You questioned quietly, gesturing to Mr. Yang the two choices, "You'll probably enjoy any of them." You could see his eyes moving back and forth across the options, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"I'd like those," Jisung points towards egg tarts, "And those, please." His finger pointed towards strawberry cream croissants, a satisfied look appearing on his face.

"Coming right up," Mr. Yang smiled and prepped the baked goods for you and Jisung, tying them into a cloth bag. He pushed it towards you with a warm smile, "I hope you enjoy them all. See you, Princess. It was a pleasure to meet you, Prince Jisung." He bowed and softly waved.

You and Jisung bowed back before taking your leave. Soon you both were back outside, people still carrying out their duties. They had not noticed that you were present, which you did not really mind. It was nice not being the center of attention once in a while. And while Jisung was here, you didn't want the usual fuss that occurred when you visited the village.

Speaking too soon, a younger girl noticed your attire, immediately indicating that you were a royal. She smiled and curtsied, "Afternoon, princess."

"Afternoon," you smiled back.

At that small exchange, others followed in pursuit, also noticing the presence of the Prince next to you. And because they did recognize him, you couldn't help but take note of the fact that people were whispering, which wasn't what usually occurred when you were in town.

Upon hearing Jisung's name in their hushed remarks, your ears perked, miraculously gaining the ability to hear the words they spoke, "Isn't that the Prince of the valley? The poorer kingdom."

"Yes… you can tell just from how he's dressed."

Shaking your head, you tune out the insults being 'secretly' thrown towards Jisung, who, judging by the look on his face, could also hear them talk. It was sad how people were so quick to judge.

"This is Prince Jisung," you say confidently, "The one who I will marry in a few years' time… I ask that you respect him as much as you respect my father."

They shut their mouths, bowing to follow what you had asked of them. Jisung's gaze fell onto you, hundreds of thoughts rooted from different beliefs clashing inside his head. The people had dispersed, leaving the two of you alone.

Though you smiled at him, he couldn't help but feel bad that you had to stand up for him. Every time someone mentioned the wealth of his kingdom, he couldn't have but believed you deserved better, especially because there was a drastic difference between your family's wealth and his family's wealth.

Y/N shouldn't be going through this…

"Should we get going?" You questioned, "There are more things I want to show you." You acted so casually about such a situation that Jisung could sense that you've already been in a position. Just how many times have you stood up for him?

Though the idea should be giving him a sense of comfort, he still felt as though he should be doing something in return. Securing yourselves back on the horses, you begin making your way back to the castle. There was a short period of silence before Jisung had spoken up, "You don't need to defend me, you know. But thank you."

You glance over at him and frown, "I don't understand why they judge when they don't even know you… And as your future wife, it is my duty to defend you. Besides, if it were the other way around, you would do the same."

That night, Jisung couldn't help but let the words play over in his head. You were right. He would do the same for you, but it was because he adored you. Did this mean that you felt the same?

"Part Two"