#why the fuck do i have to put up a fight just to exist
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I am still tired, but brain is less mush after some lunch. (Can you guess what I had)
Here is other Military Program Spouse (mobile is fighting me to add the link)
It helps to assume here that unless stated otherwise Simon is wearing a medical mask around reader. She’s just like whatever floats your boat my dude
Content warning;
Mention of food, medical devices, scars, cellulite
“Simon whatever your middle name is Riley you better not be looking at my legs.”
Maybe his mum had a point, that women developed eyes in the back of their head. He wasn’t deliberately looking at your legs, but he wasn’t not not looking either. For some reason unbeknownst to him, you had decided that you had to make the biggest batch of soup known to man. Sure the seasons were changing, summer slowly letting go for fall, but it wasn’t as if a chilly wind was rattling at the windows threatening to steal whatever heat existed. It was still relatively balmy, warm enough to have the windows open and enjoy the breeze. Warm enough that having the stove going made the kitchen borderline stuffy, encouraging you to cook in just a loose tank top and shorts that hit mid thigh.
Simon wasn’t a prude, he wasn’t scandalized at seeing the curve of your thighs, or grossed out by the cellulite. Everyone had fucking skin and however you wanted to dress in the comfort of your home you were welcomed to it. But he had eyes and well he was curious. His own body was covered in scars and tattoos that told a myriad of stories. So he looked to see what yours had to say.
Picking at the chicken you had left on the counter he counted the spots that your insulin pods left behind like stars, noticed how you missed a small strip of hair when you were shaving, even the mole that you had on the back of one ankle; they all came together to make up parts of a story about his wife that he was just starting to get.
He was so lost in thought, mechanically putting piece after piece of poached bird into his mouth, barely paying attention to anything besides the action of seeming busy, that he didn’t notice when you turned around, the exasperation in your voice finally catching his attention.
“Seriously? What did I just say?”
Simon wasn’t someone who startled, didn’t jump or hunch his shoulders to his ears. He had spent far to much time sharpening himself as to cut anyone who tried to catch him unaware. He just wasn’t prepared for you to admonish him like that, hands on your hips and looking for him to answer your question.
“What? You said not to look at your legs…I wasn’t lookin’ at them”
Not a lie, but not quite the truth.
“Yeah instead you’re eating your way through them!”
He blinked at you slowly once and then twice, following your gaze down to the plate of chicken leg quarters he was indeed making his way through. At least one looked like it had been pounced on by scavengers.
“You said no lookin’, nothing about no tasting.”
That was most certainly a twitch to your eye. That probably should have been concerning, but honestly Simon was secure enough in his height and size that if you tried to suffocate him he could throw you off. He was a good head taller than you, honestly how much damage could you do? When you pointed your wooden spoon threateningly at his chest it didn’t do much besides remind him of a little old grandma who would wield the same utensil as a weapon.
“You sir, are an asshole. Now go run to a shop and get me one of the pre cooked chickens.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because you’ve eaten half my damn chicken and like hell is my sancocho going to suffer for it.”
“Your what now?”
Yes Simon Riley knew he was being as ass. Yes he also thought that there was a realm of possibility that your upset face and clear murderous intentions were slightly endearing. But only slightly.
“My god damn soup. I swear to god if you fuck this up for me I will find a way to make you suffer the consequences.”
“Alright alright, no need to have a bird over some-heh, bird.”
He didn’t stay to see the double middle fingers you aimed for his back, he didn’t need to. He was pretty sure you were also cursing his name and maker. It wasn’t until the front door shut behind him that your colorful vocabulary was loudly shared with the world. It made him chuckle as he picked up his pace.
Heaven help anyone who got between a woman and her soup.
Edit
I am very passionate about my soup
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Genuinely losing my mind at how prevalent the misconception that radfems don't hate men has become in queer spaces like. What good does completely denying easily verifiable facts about hate groups do?? Why are we doing their work, disguising their rancid ideology, for them??? We cannot fight radical feminisim if we put our hands over our ears and pretend they believe something they don't. You have to recognize your enemy to actually fight it. Pretending they don't believe what they do helps them keep recruiting queer people bcs no one recognizes their rhetoric until they pull the transphobia card and they KNOW to only do that once they're sure they've got you.
Like I feel insane what the hell is going on. This is easily fact checked, radical feminisim has existed since the 70s like????? Why are so many people just straight up denying reality?????? I dont even know what to say except that shit shit REALLY scares me. We cannot be spreading misinformation so confidently, especially now. How the hell did this even happen I just. What the fuck?????
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🏎️Turbo (Wreck-It Ralph) x (gn) Reader🏁
(Drunk Turbo Edition!)
(Picture’s not mine!)
(Request here! Oh this loser… He just screams Oingo Boingo vibes, which is a bit ironic considering they were very popular during the 80s… I feel like I’ve probably already said this but I don’t care if I did or did not you know? I have a nasty habit of repetition lol)
- Who knows if alcohol (I believe Tappers sells Root Beer cause… Kids arcade game) or even cigarettes exist for the arcade members, but it’s fun to think about.
- I for one think him getting drunk is kinda rare, mostly because I think smoking and being self-absorbed among other things are his main way of coping with his emotions over drinking… Though he isn’t exactly against it.
- When he finally lets himself let loose and drinks at Tapper's… He drinks. Getting drunk as a goddamn skunk, like how Fix-It Felix chugged it in the… Sequel that must not be named, as witty as the name is. A real waste of a good movie name ngl.
- ANYWAYSSSS, I think he either somehow miraculously manages to find his way to you or you find him after one of your… Dare I say, friends?? Mutuals??? Complain about him being a drunk little shit and killing the mood.
- Honestly I think he flip flops from mean drunk to emotional drunk, really empathizing the turmoil that goes on in that gold ball shaped head of his.
- Going from wanting your comfort to insulting you, his speech is even more slurred than it usually is as he clutches onto you…. Freak.
- He’s so pathetic in that state, which is partly the reason why he doesn’t drink that much, against his whole thing of not being perceived as vulnerable keeping him from relying upon you like that.
- That reflects in his insults towards you as one might assume, insults elementary on the surface but tells you what’s going on in that fuzzy pea brain of his a lot more than it usually does.
- Alcohol really dumbs him down for a bit, too focused on standing up or the bug that’s clinging to the side of the wall to really string his thoughts together more concisely as words just pour out of his mouth if you poke and prod him just enough.
- Something tells me he does do the stupid ass cartoonish drunk hiccups when he’s smashed just enough… Why not? He has a bit of cartoonish whimsy to him.
- The type to try to get into a bar fight if he gets offended by some minuscule thing someone did or said, wrangling him is lot harder than one would think.
- Overall it’s usually not a great experience for any party though he does have his extremely rare moments of chilling the fuck out while drunk, mostly when he’s only sort of buzzed and still has some of his wits while being at home.
- Again I can see him being more clingy, not in a “Hehe I just like holding them💫💫🧚” but in a “Oh fuck I think I’m going to fall HELP—” Kind of way, he’s not the most graceful by any means.
- Like definitely as tripped over his shoelaces and makes you swear to keep that to yourself when he’s sober and embarrassed as all fuck when he’s able to recall the foolishness he partook in.
- Oh and keep him away from his kart— You think he’s a menace behind the wheel sober?? He is an absolute scrounge when he’s drunk, that one meme personified— Has definitely attempted to drive his kart into the Game Central Station before you put a stop to it much to his drunken annoyance.
- In a way, he was always wild, ‘liquid courage’ was just a more bitter way for that to be less constrained under his urge to maintain a powerful main character persona, makes him more honest but more incoherent.
- Rambling about what anything that comes to mind as he grips onto you as you lead him to Turbo Time to try to get him to wind down and hopefully sober up before opening time.
- Honestly, I think the more drunk he gets the more emotional side of his drunkenness comes out other than the usual slurred snarky remark he makes towards someone as they simply walk past him. Like I said he’s a little shit.
- A little attention-monopolizing hobgoblin who just so happened to get more than he should’ve drank.
- Hungover Turbo is a kind of creature you don’t want to mess with… Mean as a mother fucker, you just know his fellow racers taste his even uncaring cruelty as he fights back a migraine.
(. -. .. --. -- .- - .. -.-./.-. ..- ... .... . -../.-. . -.-. -.- .-.. . ... .../--- -... ... . ... ... .. ...- ./.-. .- -... .. -..)
#turbo wreck it ralph#turbotastic#wreck it ralph turbo#king candy#turbo#x reader#king candy x reader#turbo x reader
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"Really? And here I thought they came all this for a fucking tea party with scones. Obviously I know GUN isn't here to just fucking talk, and I'm sure they have their own plans to be a pain in the ass. Though in case you forgot YOU'RE the hero, even to their bitch ass's. How do you think they'll react if you go off the fucking rails. At least if I do it then it'd be way easier for The Restoration to cut me off real quick." It was a blunt and harsh truth, though being such a loose cannon came in handy in a situation like this.
"What do you take me for, a fucking idiot? I'm well aware that I'll have to convince Kit NOT to fight GUN and let them arrest me, and doing that will be like pulling fucking teeth. That doesn't change the fact I trust only you to get him home and to keep your mouth shut just where it is. I'm not telling saying you can't be angry, though take it from me, you don't want it controlling you." Until today most of Surge's choices were driven by her anger.
"Look, I know you ain't happy about my choice, though believe it or not it's for me too. I got shit I need to pay for, and not everything is as easy as changing and running around helping people. Sometimes jail time is need, though I'm sure we both know some crazy threat will come up to force GUNs hand to let me loose to help which could help me get out faster." Surge main reason for doing this was clearly for Kit, though another reason was doing it for herself.
"So if you're done arguing with me then lets get to this fucking checkpoint and make sure GUN knows trying anything stupid will piss both of us off." Surge was ready to start telling GUN to pack it up and go the fuck home, if only for the fact it would get Drippy home faster. "Besides, in case you forgot we got giant Momma Wisp up there." The tenrec doubts GUN wants to fuck with a Wisp that side.
===========================================================
"Belle Bot wasn't designed programming of hacking, and it was something we put on the back burner as it was made mainly for defense purpose's. Simply put, it can't do something on this scale, though I suppose it'll work for at least jamming their communication and airships if need be. Belle Bot, run program delta nine B on all GUN communication devices and airship within range."
Belle Bot's eyes would glow green for a moment. "Executing command and calculating time until completion. Calculation complete. Command will be fully done in six minutes. Recommending to avoid conflict until process is complete." The bot would then put it's focus on completing the command.
"Why? It's not like you did this to me, and honestly I couldn't care less about your existence by this point. At this point my dislike for you is only because of how continue to let Sonic act so foolish and not convince him to end Eggman. Heroism is fine, though there's a clear line between heroism and stupidity. You and I both know if Sonic really wanted to he could end Eggman at anytime. I'm sure even you can, though you don't." For the most part Kitsunami had gotten past Starline's programming expect for a voice every now and then.
"So there's nothing to talk about as I just don't like you, though I can also admit I don't trust you either. Mainly because our points of view are so far apart and so different. If it helps I can say it's no longer personal as I apply this logic to Sonic and plenty of your friends." Kitsunami could now say he was mostly thinking for himself, even if most of his motivation was to help Surge.
All Sonic could see in that moment was red, and that anger was bubbling up like geyser ready to blow. He didn't have much in this world that he cared for, and he knew Amy was a tough girl. But seeing her like that just flipped a switch for him. Maybe it was that curse that linked him to her, or maybe was just his own protective nature as a guardian of his world. He didn't know but he'd never felt such a desire to put someone in the ground. Even despite the fact that he was hyper aware Surge was trying to prevent him from making a huge mistake. It didn't really register completely.
He grit his teeth and leaned in close to Surge and was seconds from speaking, telling her where she could shove her worries. If she knew Abe like he did, if she had any idea of all the awful things he was party to. She'd have wanted to put him in the ground to. GUN drove Gerald mad, tossed shadow in a damn stasis pod, killed maria in cold blood and so much more! there was alot they would never atone for in Sonic's eyes---all of this was just another drop in the bucket.
" Talkin' ain't ever gonna be GUN's language! I am so sick of tryin' to talk with those people! they only language they get is force, so i'm just gonna speak there language!?! "
He had no qualms busting Surge's face wide open to get to them either! Luckily Tails voice was perhaps the one he needed to hear most, mostly because of how close they were. But despite that it didn't make him less angry, it just made him bury it again and hide away like he always did. When he thought about it, he was kind of a coward wasnt he? always hiding, always tucking his tail and running from all that pent up aggression.
Surge could see his hostility ebb away, it was likely the first time she'd seen him so worked up. Yes he did care for Amy, like he cared for Tails, and anyone who threatened them was on his shit list!
" ... Mark my words, they ain't here to talk Surge... those bastards are a bunch of child killin' life ruinin' sacks of absolute shit. I'll play nice... but the moment i find out Abe was behind Amy's attack... the gloves are off... i ain't puttin' that to the side. You'd do the same if it was Kit... "
He looked away from her to the airship that was just within sight of them now.
" They ain't here to help... you an i both know it... this is gonna be us vs them... i'll wait... and i keep my promises. So you can relax... "
He was still very obviously pissed off, and only holding back for the time being. One wrong move by GUN was likely to set his ass off. But he knew if GUN had his way they'd lock them both up for sure. His eyes went to Surge though and narrowed as he realized something important and, as he needed some way to direct his anger he snapped at her instead.
" and YOU need to tell him the damn truth! because i sure as fuck ain't gonna explain it to him. Do you think for a moment he'd listen to me or tails anyway? You need to tell him, and soon..."
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Tails wasn't sure if it was Belle in control or an auto pilot in truth it was hard to tell. But he was pretty impressed by the over all craftsmanship of the bot. It was impressive and showed how far she'd come! He was always impressed by her work, and it was proof in his mind that Eggman's bots could do good given the right program and incentive.
" And who do you think designed the artificial Chaos? Doctor Gerald Robotnik... Eggman's grandfather. Lots of Eggman's technology was inspired by Gerald, even if Gerald's intentions were pure... alot of his tech was turned into weapons for GUN or worse... locked up for being to dangerous. But i guess you know more about it then i do... just hard not to see the similarities "
Tails had been working the entire time he was talking. He connected the satellite to the Belle Bot which gave her access to the eye in the sky. This also allowed her to interface with the restoration com network fully, and reconnect the broken bits from the EMP with the satellites network.
" I got it, i do hope Belle doesn't mind me using the belle Bot as a relay... but, that should reconnect Restoration communications. Also you should be able to use the belle bot's signal to connect to the satellite using it as a proxy. That should limit any risk to your own equipment... "
Not that there was any risk to begin with, but he hoped it quelled Kit's paranoia.
" I... know i probably shouldn't even say anything. But... I'm Sorry you know, for everything that's happened... Deep down i guess i just want to find some middle ground for you and I... I just want us to be able to talk ... work this all out somehow. "
He sighed and gave Kit a side glance with one of his ears falling over
" When this is over... do you think... we can talk? Not asking for anything else... just a chance for us to talk, "
#atangledfate#Surge the Tenrec#speed of lightning brawler#Kitsunami the Fennec#nervous shaking water#rp#ic#IDW Sonic
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#my Florida shirt just got taken down from Etsy for no fucking reason#Taylor's team just CHUCKED the book at me and fucking LIED in their report to Etsy about it#said I infringed on their trademarks for Lover 1989 and Reputation in their report#and I used.... NONE OF THOSE THINGS. NOT ONE.#that shirt has (obviously) nothing to do with any of those albums even#not in the metadata not in the tags not in the SEO nothing#and since it had no tags of those things it didn't pop up in a sweep and get auto-taken down. it was targeted by them & they manually did i#that design is SO by the book legally and bc of how successful it is I've worked VERY hard to make it that way. even in the SEO#and I mean everything in my shop I go out of my way to make legal but#like that is probably the most actually black and white legal piece of fan merch I've ever seen in my fucking life#but I can't fight back because if I fight back.. if they want it down the next option is prove to Etsy that they're SUING ME#so like. yeah not trying to fuck around and find out there#and that is awful for multiple reasons.#1. I have lost like 90% of my income for the rest of the year. I've grown to rely on income from that shirt as I should bc IT'S FINE#2. it's about to be the holidays. this makes 1 worse and also - people will be searching for this shirt bc it's on ppls holiday wishlists#they now won't be able to find mine#and will therefore google it and buy one of the MILLION FUCKING STOLEN VERSIONS WHICH ARE STILL UP BY THE WAY#and 3. I can't even have these stolen versions taken down anymore because I don't have a leg to stand on since the real thing now doesn't-#exist to prove it's mine#I want to fucking throw up like idk how to do anything other than be sobbing in a fucking ball on the floor#like this is probably the 2nd worst thing that has happened to me in my life lmao#like this shirt was single-handedly paying my rent every month and I had other income but. that shirt was my cushioning#my whole Etsy shop is FUCKED without it like absolutely fucked it was carrying the whole entire thing#I'm scared to upload or DO anything else w my Etsy even because if they just made up lies to get that shirt down#then I am SURE they've got something against me or my shop#and like fucking WHY I work so hard to make everything FAIR AND RIGHT#I worked so fucking hard on that shirt that thing was like my child like my actual full pride and joy#I want to scream I don't even know what to do with myself#it feels like someone just shoved me into a room shut the lights off locked the door and threw away the key#that shirt has been like probably the proudest achievement of my life like no joke and everything I've put into it & my Etsy just got kille
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hello why is kaishin more popular than shinkai or what i mean is why bottom shinichi is like the most widely believed one? lol not really in the fandom just vaguely familiar with the anime from childhood it's just my mutuals likes this ship. i'd thought shinichi being the top would be more popular given his personality.
anon sorry for the late answer!!
imma be real honest with you, anon, i've loved the kidco dynamic since i was conan-sized but i only realized kaishin should be making out around 2021 so i don't know if i'm the best person to answer this question LOL BUT, i'll give you an answer!
tbh, i think for fandom shipping in general, the main character more often than not is the chosen bottom and whoever else is the other party is topping them. in japanese media especially, the ship names are mostly born from putting the kanji of their names together wherein the order of which indicates the seme and uke. since this happens early on, we kinda get stuck with that as the popular ship name whether you prefer the other way later on.
perhaps kaishin is more popular but not entirely by a lot compared to other ships where it's completely skewed to one side. i see a lot of shinkai too. ofc there are people who prefer one way over the other exclusively and that's completely fine!
personally, i think confining them into seme and uke or top and bottom does a great disservice to the kaishin dynamic because to me we should be looking at their sub-dom dynamic more and why they're actually peak switch sub and dom!!!!
that's fucking right kaishin is actually peak switch and i will die on this fucking hill!!!!!!!!!!
when you say shinichi would be the "obvious top," i'd like to assume in your heart you actually meant "the obvious dom" (LOL) but i think that could also apply to kaito.
i think the appeal of kaishin is the push and pull between them. the give and take. they're always trying to one-up each other. sometimes one pushes and the other gives way, sometimes it's the other way around.
i will be honest, perhaps switch pairings might just be my preference but I have never encountered a pairing that felt this completely equal in the switch department more than kaishin. like for other ships i'd sometimes be like, "yeah they switch but A is 70% more dom than B." But for kaishin I'm like, "oKAY THEY'RE 50/50 THEY'RE EQUALS THEY'RE PERFECT HALVES RAAAAAHHHH"
now how does this answer your question? well, i have no proof and im going off of vibes and like i said im no veteran in this ship fandom but, i think a lot of people do enjoy the other way around as you think it would've been. it's just that...it's something that can just be filed under the kaishin tag too. because it's basically the same sometimes. the only different thing is who's topping and bottoming. like sometimes i'm scrolling through twitter and i'd see art that's giving shinkai but it's tagged as kaishin and vice versa lol.
also personally i prefer calling them kaishin because i love the letter k and i associate the name shinkai more with makoto shinkai so every time i see people refer to kaishin as shinkai, my mind just conjures up an image of kaito, shinichi, and makoto shinkai together and i know that's fucking hilariously weird but it sometimes happens!!!! LMAO so even if i'm thinking about shinkai stuff, i still prefer using the name kaishin lol.
(but having the kaishin/shinkai distinction is definitely still useful especially for people who want to filter through one way or the other so fuck yeah to the ship name shinkai you're here to stay!!!)
anyway in conclusion, top shinichi is popular too dw lol, or maybe i should say bottom kaito is popular too lol i see yalls
also sorry that this answer is not only late but also a whole essay that doesn't even straightforwardly answer your question lol my bad anon
#replies#dc prattles#anon if you're out there.....im sorry this is late af lol it was hard to gather my thoughts#ALSO KAISHIN PEAK SWITCH BABEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#also didnt mean to dunk on seme uke and top bottom but like im tireeeeed of it!!!!! like yeah it's fun dont get me wrong and sometimes it's#easier to just put characters into easy boxes like these#but!!!!!!!!!!!!#kaishin is much too complex for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#their very appeal is how they're both opposites but similar!!!!#they are not a linear contrast they are a juxtaposition in a loop!!!!!! i love them too much to not explore their nuances and intricacies!!#also i wanted to say another thing about the main character being the bottom frequently but i have no facts to back it up just vibes LOL#but i think since main characters are mostly designed for us to like them#we do end up liking them so much so that we just want to sometimes hug and comfort them#and idk i feel like being taken care of and comforted is mostly associated with people who bottom#(which btw i rly think sometimes people mean sub when they say bottom lol)#ANYWAYS i have no proof of that tho just vibes so take it with a grain of salt#also anon.....when you ask why the majority prefers a specific character to bottom.....sometimes there's no deep reason ngl like#sometimes they just want their faves to get fucked and that's okay too LMAO#btw guys i do enjoy shinkai i just like calling it kaishin anyways lmaooooo im sorry i know im ruining the archiving of kaishin but i just!#makoto shinkai existed in my mind before gay thief and detective kissing each other im sorry!!!!!!#5cm per second destroyed me okay!!!!!!#yeah also im not tagging this with ksn/snk i dont want to be perceived that much by people who will disagree lol i said i'd fight yall#for peak switch kaishin but like who tf cares honestly as long ur having fun with whatever version of kaishin you want kaishin to be then#you're good to go#anon
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ugh can i please walk into the woods and never have to worry about obligations ever again
#look i like learning but there is just. so so much stuff to do before actually entering a school program#wdym i need to submit all the requirements in time and also create a profile and join student groups and get to know ppl and and and#how about you go fuck yourself and i never have to worry about Doing Tasks ever again#the idea of putting my wholeass name and face out there for strangers to see is initiating my fight or flight response#also ugh logically i get why they want students getting to know each other beforehand and everything but like#if i don't already know you i don't want you knowing about my existence#is this the introversion the autism the privacy who tf even knows certainly not me#but good fucking lord what I'd give to not have to be Perceived anymore#istg this might be the year that i end up dropping out and burning all my bridges#at least i don't have to send emails if im being eaten by a bear or whatever#vent#mine
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i can't find the post now so maybe i've made it up entirely, who's to say, but i feel like i remember seeing a post about saccharina saying that she expects too much for the rest of the Rocks to treat her like family, but now that i'm actually watching the season, dude, she says multiple times that she doesn't care if they treat her like Family, she really just wants them to be decent to her and they refuse to even grant her that much
#N posts stuff#like the big confrontation i'm at now is bc Saccharina made a move to Help Ruby in this fight and then when she mentions it verbally#Ruby responds to that by entertaining the notion of shoving Saccharina off a cliff bc it pisses her off so much to acknowledge that#<- that's not Saccharina demanding everyone play 'happy family' that's her helping an ally and getting spit on for it#if Ruby and Amathar don't want to interface with Saccharina as family they shouldn't have to; but that doesn't mean that they get#to shit on HER for representing obligation they don't want; they could Just Be Civil to her instead#and ruby saying 'you can be my sister or my queen but you can't have both' when saccharina has Reiterated that she doesn't even Want#to be a queen is like. again i get where Ruby is coming from this is not a bash on her emotional state so much as it is an attempt#to comment on fan Reactions to the dynamics here - ruby is Putting saccharina in a dichotomy she does not want to be in and is#Projecting a dynamic that does not inherently exist; saccharina wasn't looking for a sister in that moment she was just asking for#an Acknowledgement of her efforts and asking someone else to give her some effort back; the way any teammate would want#and yeah when ruby comes up to her and doesn't apologize just says 'you're asking too much of me' i don't think saccharina saying#'hey i get that but i was truly Excited to meet you' is a demand for sisterhood; it's just 'i was really excited to meet you#and instead of being nice you're Just constantly shitting on me' -> that's a comment on why She's so fucked up about ruby's harshness#not a demand for ruby to start liking her; do you see what i mean? like am I making sense here? lol#i mean i still have a few eps left maybe there's still some conversations i haven't seen yet but. you know
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#like lowkey really wanna stop living idk#idk#i know its not me but she makes me feel so unloveable like ill never be loved by anyone like the minute they get to know me theyll leave#like maybe they only like the front i put up and if they knew the real me theyd hate me like she hates me#i wish id never been born i feel so unwanted i literally just wanna die#if i didnt wake up tomorrow i would be so fucking happy#i dont even know anymore if i had more willppwrr maybe id just fucking kill her or myself and be done with this shit#fucking christ#i say something anything and she takes it and twists it until it paints me as a villain i dont know what to do#i literally said oh i feel carsick and she started screaming at me twlling me not to be selfish i fucking#i was about to puke#i had to shut my mouth for the next hour up the mountains while she talked like nothing was wrong#i dont know if im being unfair to her if my pov is painting her in a bad light or what#but it fucking hurts man#it hurts so much and i dont know what to do i just wanna stop living#why does she hate me so much what did i do that made her hate me so much what can i do to make her love me#shes supposed to be the mature one here but im always the one who stops fighting and withdraws so we can have some fucking peace in this ho#house#i crave the hours when shes out of the house because it means i can just exist without feeling guilty for it
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I would have had to leave anyway. The neighborhood is under new management. Without full 30 days notice, they hired a sketchy skeleton crew as management, stopped making repairs, and cranked up pad rent by about 30%. They're essentially trying to price everyone out who owns their mobile home so they can build more rental properties. The managers are MIA for questions, but they'll bring in the surveyors and contractors all the same. People are legitimately gonna end up homeless because of this.
The mobile home I've been paying to eventually own? I have to give it up completely. It's too old to move, but I couldn't afford to stay even if I wanted to. Me and my ex roommate will have to take our names off the lease and walk away from the mobile home. She and her bf must find a new place to live, along with four cats. Not a lot of good options exist. They'll probably have to move closer into the city and settle with an apartment.
It's wrong and unfair, but there's nobody to step in and make it right again. I know, welcome to the world. 🤷
Maybe I could dedicate my time to fighting it, but I have enough on my plate as it is. Even where I currently am can't be forever. My step mom's place is falling apart. It's only a matter of time before a bad enough flood takes it all out.
So that's it. I'm her chance at a better place and others are counting on me as well. My gf and a potential roommate are counting on me to move and be able to help support them. There is no plan B. I'm it. I'm the backup. I'm giving up everything for this. There's nothing to coast on if I fail. Go big or go home? There is no going home until I make one.
No pressure.
#the universe doesn't hate me in particular it probably just sucks for everyone#but oh my god i feel like I've had to either put up with the worst shit or fight it#like I'm literally just some guy can I have a break?#literally just want to mind my own fuggin business#but nooooo#at this rate if i was given a peaceful and comfortable existence i don't know what I'd even do with it#keep making things hard for me! you're just giving me more XP.#get one of those fuckin DBZ scouters and look at this random fucking nerd and see my power level is over 9000#ooc#so this is part of why i haven't been as active#i wish i could draw and interact more but I'm just too heckin overextended
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Just checked the paladins wiki for the 100000000000th time to refresh myself on the sentinels’ lore (even though there's almost none to begin with) & this looks like new info? The parts about the mission going to shit anyways & the 5 members thing. Idk maybe I've gone insane and my brain is tricking me into thinking this is new out of desperation
#paladins#ok so the sentinels had to have been formed during that peace period after the magistrate was formed#But my only question is Why#because who were they fighting???#what was the need for them#was it just in case something happened??#if so that's hilarious because as soon as the crystal shit went down they broke up#BUT#in Viktor's bio (last I checked) it said something about his military experience & that was why he got put in charge#i could totally be remembering this wrong#but what the fuck was he doing????#the golden age (just looked that up) ‘lasted almost a century’#????? he's not THAT old to have fought the goblins#i feel like the obvious answer to the sentinels’ existence would be that they were formed in response to the rise of crystals#but everyone obviously had different views on crystals#so like.#what.#am I stupid???#is there something I'm missing????..??#is this just some stupid video game lore I shouldn't care about? (yes)#also strix spent most of his life in the military that sucks for him#lol also this updated stuff means nothing to me I'm just mentally ill
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What the fuck is happening
ib: crepuscularqueens
#I love it when Tumblr has a whole fucking crisis involving at least 21K accounts and I just have no fucking idea#I have literally never heard of either of these shows but I am fucking INVESTED NOW#what do you mean the person creating the tourney predicted slaughter in the tags...then got mad when that happened#what do you mean they were like 'Hey this guy who said he owned a plantation in the show set in the time period where slavery was a thing#but we don't know if he actually owned slaves or not guysss. it's just fiction guyssss.'#what do you mean Black Sails was trending because of it? what do you mean they're both gay pirate shows that I have NEVER HEARD OF EITHER?#what do you mean there is a gay pirate show about two real-life slaveowners you can just make OCs why are they real??#what do you mean OP was like 'hey guys this is just for fun' when immediately responded angrily and defensively when people were like#hey this show is about two literal slaveowners don't vote for them (which is a totally reasonable thing to say)' did they want the slaver#to win?#Why did they put out the whitest fucking statement I have ever heard talking about how you can't criticize a gay show because it's gay?#again I am fascinated by the mere existence of the uwu-ifying human traffickers show but to be THAT GUNG HO ABOUT IT IS INSANE#what do you mean they cancelled the tournament? what do you mean the one guy won by like 10% of the votes? 21K people were involved?#and then the funniest thing possible...WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE SHOW WAS CANCELLED SEEMINGLY RIGHT AFTER?#is OP gonna be like 'hah I knew it Tumblr people being mean about my human trafficker OTP would be the death of gay rep'?#what fascinates me most is that OP could have literally just not said shit?? you can shut the fuck up you know?#let people fight in your notes without involving yourself. I've done it. it's annoying but like...let them fight.#if this is 'for fun' then don't keep doing it once you start feeling personally attacked because people don't like your slaver show.#again I have never heard of either of these shows. I am on a completely different side of this weird place we call Tumblr#i don't even go here#but this is so bonkers and I've been pausing on every fucking post shown in this insane video.
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mami tomoe i miss you....
i ordered a physical copy of The Different Story manga and i have to wait like a week till it comes in... i wanna reread it Nowwww tho
#text#shes so everything...#one of my favorite readings of the original show is that of how they dictate their lives chasing moral purity#cuz they're kids. theyre stuck in this losing game. but they want so bad to be Good People.#mami is a character who is Terrified of doing things that are Wrong#sayaka even more so.#theyre so lost in this false dichotomy of selfless vs selfish#they cant handle that the reality of the situation is that the only option is to survive#in the different story when mami and kyoko cut each other off at the suggestion of being a little selfish#its just . fuck. that was Me in 2021. that was me at 17.#and mami only values her own survival as a means of protecting people; as a means of justifying the fact shes alive#if she realizes her existence might be harmful it all collapses.#thats why shes so quick to act when she realizes magical girls become witches#but again these rules for herself also get enforced onto the people around her#she cuts off kyoko. she immediately assumes homura is a 'bad' magical girl.#she recruits sayaka and madoka while reinforcing these beliefs to them.#there are Good magical girls and there are Bad magical girls. there is correct way to act and there is an incorrect way to act#she puts on this show of trying to prove herself as noble; to impress them; pretending to be the perfect person she wishes she was#and so we end up with sayaka. idolizing this false idea of mami after her death#taking on mami's selfdestructive lifestyle but pushing it to the extreme. fighting at a level too high for herself#continually rejects help from anyone she considers impure.#i could go on. i always have too much to say about sayaka#but anyways. ouhg.#mami tomoe
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Genuine observation, no sass and no disrespect, but being someone who is chronically OFFline & an active volunteer/activist for over a decade, and seeing what people say is "crucial discourse" online is... Quite the trip, honestly.
#vee vibrates#I understand that some things are more important to others than they are to me but.#I really need people to understand that sometimes you're better off volunteering at a shelter of ANY kind if you want to commit real change.#Online advocacy is crucial but man am I worried as hell for the kids that don't seem to understand that offline is even moreso.#And being disabled + queer myself I know that it can (and often is) a safety and accessibility issue but zoouniverse.org exists.#That website where you solve history and math quizzes to give rice to impovrished families is online.#Just. Anything that puts this aggressive “”advocacy“” to rest. Ego will be the death of us and we don't need anymore of it.#And if anybody reads this and finds themselves getting upset ask yourself this: Why does this upset me? Do I see myself in this?#Because you'd know that I am speaking out of genuine desperation when I say all of this.#I am not any better than any online activist just because I do a lot of work offline.#I am just so fucking tired of seeing people misdirect their rightful frustrations and fall further prey to the elites' divisive desires.#Is it so much to ask of you all to finally be angry at those who truly make our lives miserable? Or are we just going to keep playing cop?#At the end of the day it's your choice. I cannot force you. However you will grow old one day and look back. Remember that.#I for one don't want to have any regrets about any time I wasted on bigots and trolls and people who have already decided on their opinions.#I want to look back and be grateful for the opportunity to help so many people as many helped me in my direst times of need.#I think that's the difference here. A lot of online folk didn't go through the poverty & severe abuse & bigotry I faced since I was born.#I went through hell and came out kinder in the end because I was at the end of the proverbial whip myself at several points before 16.#But trauma doesn't make you compassionate. You choose to be. And I choose to never repeat the cycle.#The day I do is the day I've lost both my mind and my spirit. I will never repeat my family's & abusers' horrific mistakes.#I will be kinder to a world that needs kindness now more than ever. Even if I scream my throat out forever doing so.#I don't need a voice to be heard.#Anyways sorry. I woke up on the desparate side of the bed. Thank you to all who fight the good fight.#Despite everything I've said I have so much more faith and hope now more than ever. We will prevail.#And thank you if you read all of these tags?? Safety love and solidarity to you you're the MVP. ;_; 💜
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Weight talk tw I guess idk how to describe the post sorry im a little high
It’s so weird being around people who talk about weight problems (IOP) and like idk it brings up weird shit in my brain almost anxiety that I should feel bad about myself somehow like I’m doing this wrong being confident idk. Weird self doubt thing that happens when you’ve loved yourself (hmm. Rephrase. I don’t care about being fat. let’s say that.) and then you’re in a room full of people having a group discussion about how they avoid living their life in happy ways because they don’t want to become like you. But you love yourself. But everyone in your life since you were little has been dieting and talking about weight and specific numbers (someone was anxious about gaining seven pounds! SEVEN. If they saw my scale they would shit themselves. I put on seven pounds taking a big bong rip Jesus fucking Christ seven pounds. I wanted to rip my hair out.)
Next time weight issues come up in IOP I’m stepping out of the room. Like idk how to explain it cause it’s like not a trigger but I guess it is ? But it’s just so weird like the way I’m triggered makes me want to cry why does the world hate me for being fat what the fuck !!!!
#me when I gain weight issues through thinking about my own body in a group setting#ughhh#whatever fuck it#taking an anxiety med chavas at work Levi’s on a train (EXCITED!!!!) I’m gonna take my little sedative friend and try to take a nap bc six#and a half hours after the last two days I’ve had is fucking nothing. going to nap city will fix me.#also taking my morning med. I haven’t done that yet I need to eat *stares into camera* to take my meds gahhhh I hate having a human form an#intestines just take the med with one cracker and not get sick what the fuck body I’m so sick of heart burn I want to burn down the world#and now that I’ve had a med increase I get fucking withdrawal symptoms if I miss a morning dose which I found out bc I left my meds at home#accidentally on Monday when I was so overtired and forgot to put them back in my bag for IOP (cause they have food at IOP so I take them#there once I’ve eaten) and then I had a headache for like half of the day and I was so overtired I was crying on the drive home cause I#wanted to sleep so bad and then I got home and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up even on the sleep meds until I talked to kath and she#calmed me down just existing the little sweetheart god I love her okay anyways babble over I’m very overtired and a little cranky and my#brother has been in a very bitchy mood recently idk what’s got him on edge but everything is setting him off into little fights like not#just with me he was fighting with mom this morning he’s just kick to getting worked up recently which leads to me being angry wanting to be#rude which means do the opposite which means show extra compassion woohoo coping skills 🗣️🗣️#anyways. post panic attack sedative nap (my beloved) or perhaps work on editing my vlog#I’m high I forgot you can’t hit comma on tags. edit my vlog. vacuum. (I always spell vacuum with two c’s and not two u’s and I think#autocorrect should not correct me on that one bc I think I am right in my soul idk why#there’s another word I’m like that with but I forget what it is . okay bye thank you for listening to my type words goodbye goodnight mwah#it’s nap time babyyyyyy#idk if I have to trigger tag this ? someone let me know if I do please
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my mother will see textbook depression and then decide it just pisses her off
#it's not an excuse to not do things but can i please just get a little grace and understanding#like..... funnily enough. make me feel like shit for struggling and i will struggle more.#and i already hate myself for not being able to do jack shit when there's no fucking reason for it#i just. i don't know why just existing is so hard for me when there's nothing to justify it#am i just fucking lazy in my core or am i broken#there was One (1) thing i was able to muster up enough drive to do and then a few comments completely fucking destroyed it#there are so many things i should be able to do and i just can't force myself to do it bc i can't find the energy#and so i just keep perpetually distracting myself from ever experiencing a Thought but that doesn't fucking help#and i don't know how to stop#everyone around me is doing so fucking well no matter what and i've had a fucking fraction of the hardship and yet i'm a WRECK#and it's so easy for me to think 'well i'll Just Do It! I'll stop crying about it and I'll just do it' but that lasts for about a day#before i burn out completely and i DON'T GET IT#IT'S JUST EXISTING AS A FUCKING HUMAN BEING WHY IS IT SO HARD#WHY CAN I NOT EVEN PUT IN THE EFFORT TO SURVIVE LET ALONE LIVE#WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME THAT EVERYONE ELSE CAN DO ACTUALLY HARD SHIT SO WELL#while i'm here just fucking. scraping by and feeling like i'm fighting for my life when i'm literally not even doing ANYTHING#it just feels so fucking hard but it's NOT i'm not doing ANYTHIJG AT ALL SO WHY DO I FEEL BURNT OUT#HOW CAN I BE BURNT OUT WHEN I NEVER DO ANYTHING#HOW DO I GET THIS FEELING TO STOP#and i don't even have a right to complain because just! there's nothing hard about my life right now!#emotionally speaking there's one major thing i'm dealing with. practically speaking there's nothing#so why can i not even do basic everyday tasks. if even surviving feels like too much how the fuck am i ever supposed to do more#i'm so beyond disgusted with myself for it and i just.#i don't fucking deserve to live.#the one and only thing i'm able to push myself to do is my driving lessons#literally the only thing. other than that i can eat. sometimes. that's it#i'm a fucking disgrace and i'm aware of it and i don't deserve to live or to complain. but how do i change that.#i'm able to push myself to shower occasionally. i can eat at least one meal per day. i do an hour long driving lesson once a week#and if that's too much what the fuck is wrong with me.
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