#why is my life completely dictated by wanting to look like men
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Dear people over America. I woke up to this current political news which is devastating to say the least to minorities, women and the trans community on the other side of the globe. I wanted to do what little I can to help and ease your minds.
I'm a psychic. I have been doing divination (oracle readings) for 25 years. I've got a high success rate and my reviews on my store are 5/5 (you can see this for yourself). I asked the cards for clarification for all this; why is HE the president now, and how does the nearby future look for women and trans communities.
Please note that these are collective readings of the topic and might not correlate with your own personal experiences or how things are in your home state! So take only what resonates with you and ignore the rest. (If you wish to have a personal reading, that is possible; in that case, click here)
Why Trump is the president?
This result didn't surprise me because for the past 3 years I have heard many American people, who have had a near-death experience (NDE) to say that if they have gotten a view of America's future, Trump has always appeared as being elected for the 2nd time - but only for the 2nd time.
The Spirit tells me that Trump's personal lesson is to learn to see other people's points of views. That's why he chose such a position in society, where he would need to consider many different people from different backgrounds and life situations. He needs to understand how his actions affect others.
However, he is miserably failing with this personal lesson (unless something happens and he somehow completes it now in the next 4 years). Instead of going for harmony and seeing everyone's point of view, his priority is Power. With a capital P. That's what he desires, that's what he wants (MAGA movement is based on this; power back to America, America needs to be a powerful, unyielding boxer in the global ring - only a win matters).
I asked why he wishes for this Power and it's simply because of the power's sake. He loves to be in control. He loves to feel powerful. You all are asked, as much as possible, to detach from this drama he is causing because it indeed seems like he is close to a cult leader and loves to bask in this power. He loves the idea that he can command nukes and one of the most powerful countries in the world. To get this, he is ready to cause any kind of a shitstorm - after all, he has not learned to consider others, except maybe only his own family members.
This correlates with his views of an autonomic power, where he gets all the power and can be a dictator. There's no one more powerful person alive in the world than a dictator. Anyone following him is likely learning this same lesson of empathy and understanding, and failing in it. They all want to be the King of the Hill and by following someone who already is, makes them feel like they are, too. This is all drama for dramas sake because it makes them feel more powerful.
TL;DR: Trump's life lesson is to learn to respect and honor everyone despite their backgrounds and views. What a better way to do that as a president of a nation with so many nationalities and stories of people in it. But so far he has failed miserably in this lesson and has chosen blind worship of power instead. Stirring drama is his tactic to gain more power and followers. Detach from his and his followers' drama as much as you can; block, ignore, move on. His reign will eventually come to an end.
Future for Women in The US?
A toxic masculine energy wishes to control women of America and this is not related to any single individual. The rise of misogyny is real and tangible, and women are part of this "other party" the power hungry men do not want to contemplate. It's His way or No Way at all.
This will make women turn more and more away from men, which HOPEFULLY make these men see that in order to actually have a woman and a family they so much yearn to have is to love women. Not to hate them as they now do. Not to see them as assets or items or rewards of a job well done of being a man. More and more women will choose not to have kids, choose not to date or get married, and they will choose even more carefully men who are on their side, walking next to them as a unit.
In a way or another, women WILL fight and take their power back. Peace will not be an option. If this fighting can't be done visibly, it will be done in secrecy; helping other women out, warning them of bad men and risks, aiding others to better safety and to a better life. Mind you that this also covers trans women; there are trans women and trans allies in cis women who will be willing to help. Women will turn towards one another. Men who follow this old paradigm of controlling women will be met with women's bare teeth but other women will be met with peace. I don't see anything particularly related to women who follow misogyny but I imagine with this much mental energy here, women will not abandon them but educate them. It is possible some of these women, who support this kind of regime, will later change their minds when they see how it negatively affects them, their parents, sisters, aunts, friends, cousins, coworkers etc. Some women will die in order to wake others up.
Women will turn their nurturing energies - the one this regime wants to turn towards men and babies - towards themselves. Artistic expression and expressing their feelings through any form of art will be significant. Pay attention to what kind of art women do now - it's going to be directly reflected in what's going on now. Women seem to also be looking more after their bodies, keeping themselves safe. This low level energy of control and forcing women is echoes of the past and women of America, collectively and mainly, wish not to partake in it any longer.
When it comes to men, these men who have thought that Trump will deliver them a woman to look after them and have their babies will see that it's not the case. And, if it is, the marriage is not happy and many women will fight like a trapped wild cat, scratching the eyes out of any of the people who want to trap them. This will be genuinely boggling to them and might make them angrier but their lessons are to understand what human rights are and what it means to respect others as your equal.
TL;DR: Women will turn away from misogyny and forced motherhood more and more, turning their attention and care towards themselves and other women (trans included) and leaving misogyny men angry because they have not learned to love women (not your job to teach them this, sisters!). Artistic expressions in all forms among women will be very high as it will be a way to express and deal with these current energies. Women will be even more pickier with the men they date and get married with, or even interact overall with - as they should. Anyone who wants to rip you off from your human rights is not your ally or a good partner. This will not be a shocker to anyone else but the men who believe in misogyny, as they will not get wives or girlfriends any easier - it only gets harder.
Future for Trans People in the US?
Trans people in the USA (not every state, mind you) need to "erase" their existence. Like I saw someone saying here; if you know a trans person in the USA now, no, you don't. True identities will be hidden for the safety's sake and people will flock more into underground, smaller communities. Those communities will continue to exist and support one another. This is not a total erasure but it's erasure in a way that it is better to choose carefully who really knows your true identity and who are the people to whom you are performing the identity of your physical body. So trans men will pretend to continue to be women on the outside, trans women will pretend to continue to be men on the outside but in their own safe spaces and supportive communities, they can be who they truly are.
Now, trans communities and rights will not be erased. There can be a momentary setback and time when trans people have to carefully hide their identities for their own sake but it will not be permanent. Trans people, like women's collective, WILL FIGHT. Trans people will NOT allow themselves and their fellow trans people to be erased. The time when "transpeople didn't exist because this is woke idealism", as red-wing misogyny says, WILL NOT return. People who wish for these times to come back have fallen from the evolution of humanity. Trans people will not stop existing. They will fight for their rights till the end of the world. Liberation seems to be near and this looks, in America, to be the final dark hour before the new dawn. Hang in there!
The Spirit and the cards promise that trans people will get their freedom. There's no returning back to the time when their existence was forbidden. There's a flow of prosperity and lots of freedom in the future cards so any trans person there reading this - DO NOT GIVE UP. This is temporary. This will pass. You need to play with these nasty rules for a little while but it will pass.
There's a promise of balance in work and home life, so acceptance of trans people both in private areas of their life (home, friends, communities, online blogs etc.) as well as in public (school, work, society, hospitals, other people). That kind of a future is coming, also as we move more into the Era of Aquarius, which supports human rights, different gender and sexual identities without judgment, liberation of gender and sexuality and thus the human expression itself.
TL;DR: Trans people need to lay low for now and hide their true identities for their own safety. If you know a trans person, no, you do not. They will find the support they need in their own communities but trans people will not be erased. Trans people WILL fight and there is going to be a time in the future when they can openly (once again) be who they truly are, both at home and outside home. Flow of prosperity and freedom is in the cards as a promise of the future and these energies are massive. This is only the old paradigm's final efforts to stay alive as it croaks and is forgotten. American humanity will evolve to respect trans people's human rights, too.
EVERYONE SCARED IN THE USA, KEEP GOING! This is only a temporary moment of night.
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Okay, so I just rewatched S1 of Loki. And since the last time I watched, so many opinions of mine have changed. Instead of focusing all on Lokius and their character arcs, I went into this viewing instead looking at Sylvie, completely throwing my initial dislike of her out the window to be unbiased.
And MAN, am I glad I did that. Because I connected to Sylvie on a WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL.
In my eyes, I see her as a trans allegory. Lokis are usually genderfluid, right? I mean, that's the impression I get - our main 2012 Loki, who's only difference from the Sacred Timeline was escaping with the Tesseract, is classified as genderfluid. And that makes perfect sense, he's a shapeshifter and all that, yadda yadda stuff that's already been said, love it.
But here's the thing. The thing that made Sylvie a Variant, to our knowledge, was that "she is a woman!" So, let's think about this for a second. She's different because she's STRICTLY a woman. Not genderfluid. She/her in her bio. And it finally clicked for me that she's... trans. Literally trans. AND THATS WHAT GETS HER ARRESTED BY THE TVA! She wasn't the right gender, she dared to do something nobody wanted her to. She was different, unexpected... a Variant. And she had to be annihilated because of that.
I know, I know, I'm just stating what all of us already know, we KNOW thats why she was arrested. But you have to actually think past the annoying "oohhh she's the only girl Loki great original idea Marvel" in order to sympathize with her character, because she is VERY sympathizable.
She's literally just a kid, living as her truest self. She's ripped from her family by essentially the government of the universe. She's taken to a trial that nobody walks away from innocent. But Sylvie is different. Lokis are the definition of chaos, the unexpected, defiance. And she's the most defiant of all, because she defied even the preset she was given as a physical person. Nah, she didn't want to be a man or even nonbinary. She was a woman, and they wouldn't let her be. That wasn't allowed. They would hunt her down just for fucking existing in a way that didn't match up with their perception of Lokis.
Her entire life was fighting against a system that wanted her dead. They would rather have order and their precious little clean, easy system (that in reality is harder to maintain than letting people be free) than to let her just fucking exist as she wanted to.
The resentment grows. Of course you want to take down the entire system. Of course you want to burn it all down. Because not only did the government hunt you down, they had already hunted down an infinite number of people just like you. People who didn't find happiness in what was force-fed to them. People who didn't want to tread down the only path provided.
Isn't that what all of us people in the LGBTQ+ community want? To tear the system to pieces, to start over anew? I mean, that's what I want. Because it's flawed right to the very core - at least, where I'm from (the USA), it is. It was made to keep rich, white cishet men in power. A system built from discrimination and power-hoarding cannot be reformed. And even if you tried, it would take too long. It HAS taken too long, and it's cost countless innocents their lives.
You can't undo all that trauma instantaneously. Of course Sylvie would burn it all down. Of course she would kill He Who Remains. Of course she wouldn't want the TVA to keep existing. Yes, there are people in the TVA now that want to change it for the better. Yes, she needs to open her heart and realize burning it down doesn't fix everything. Because you can't rip everything to shreds and not create something new in its place. Fighting tyranny doesn't just end with kicking the dictator out of power - you have to set fair rules to prevent the same thing or worse happening again.
I understand why she didn't want to come back. She had fulfilled what she thought was her only purpose, and finally settled down into the life she utterly deserves. But her story isn't over yet. She can be at peace with having created a new world in which the tyranny is over. In which everyone makes their own choices. In which she can be a woman and never fear time itself imploding. It's just hard to let go of something you've been holding onto for so long. You've been fighting to keep yourself alive and true, and it's hard to accept when maybe... you are winning.
You are not a Loki because you are Sylvie. You broke your guidelines so deeply that you are your own person. There is nobody like you because deep in your very soul, you are the truest Loki to ever exist. You defy. You survive. You and your glorious purpose, to smile and know you are a woman and nobody can tell you any differently. You are exactly whatever you choose to be.
THATS NOT EVEN ALL OF IT THOUGH. THERE'S MORE. And yes, it's about our main Loki and Sylvie's relationship.
I'll come right out of the gate: I've been a Lokius shipper since literal day 1, and nothing will ever change that. I don't ship Sylki and I never will, end of story. I don't see them as romantic at all. What I DO see, however, is looking yourself in the mirror and feeling love for yourself, having survived everything and still more. Let me explain what I mean.
The whole first season, Loki gets to know Sylvie and more of her backstory. And obviously they have the fun dynamic of being two "Lokis" (I hesitate calling Sylvie a Loki anymore) because they're both insanely arrogant and backstabby, yadda yadda. But Loki becomes fonder of Sylvie. Why?
Because they see this other version of themself that went through something so similar yet so incredibly different than them. They are still genderfluid - and bisexual - and they went through that journey of self discovery. They realized they didn't exactly fit the mold, classic trans story. But the difference is that while their family came to accept that and they got to live their life as themself, they see this distorted mirror of what could've been. They see a life where Odin and Frigga didn't accept them. They see the life they were lucky to escape, a life of hardship and a battle they never had to fight.
Sylvie was so brave. But she's been broken time and time again, and she's lonely, and she's never had anyone to care about her. It's you. She's alone and you've just been told by an old friend that you will be alone until the end of time. That you are unlovable. You are the same. You feel so much empathy and you realize something important.
You're looking at this beautiful person. A person who has endured so much pain, and she is beautiful because she is herself. She fought so hard to exist and she has never had a win and she's never had anyone who ever truly understood her. She is you but not you because she is herself.
It's a similar feeling to looking into a mirror and seeing yourseld as a child. Different but the same. Your lives as a whole are completely different. But you still face the same issues. You look in the mirror and the other you is broken. The other you, just like you, thinks they are unlovable.
But you know what they are going through. And you love them more than anyone ever could. You understand more than anyone ever could.
As someone who is on the aroace spectrum and struggles to parse if I'm feeling romantic or platonic feelings (I won't even get into that), I see the Sylki kiss as a complicated but understandable action. The idea of feeling romantic feelings towards yourself is something unfathomable as nothing really can equate to it in our world. I won't get into the morality of it, because honestly, the answer to that is completely based on subjective opinion, since it's an abstract concept. Anyways, my point.
My POINT is that Loki has a lot of feelings and doesn't really know how to express them. Also, like, I'm pretty sure Sylvie only kissed him because she wanted to trick him into letting his guard down to kick him back to the TVA lollll.
As for the end of S2? Well, after the incredible mind-boggling Ep4, I have no idea what way the plot will turn from here. But as for character arcs, I think Sylvie will come to realize that this new TVA can be a force for good. With a new code for keeping the timeline safe from multiverse jumpers who wish the conquer multiple planes - AHEM Kang or others -, and NO PRUNING INNOCENT TIMELINES, why not keep it around? It's a whole different system at that point. It's no longer forcing people to be exactly as intended. It let's them live out their lives however they want to, safe from existential threats.
Sylvie can sit in the back of her truck looking up at the stars in her McDonald's uniform, breathing in fresh air, and thinking about how good it is to be no longer the only one like her.
#loki#marvel#loki spoilers#sylvie laufeyson#loki laufeyson#loki series#whatsupray?#WHEW THAT WAS A DOOZY#Might make a post about Ravonna once I rewatch the first 4 eps of S2
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You know what I'm tired of seeing? I'm tired of seeing this phrase:
This was tagged on a post regarding transgender rights and awareness.
You know why I'm sick and tired of seeing it?
Because I want every single person who uses it to define a man to me, and they never will, because they judge me based on my appearance, on the flesh I was born into.
What is a man? Is it anyone with a dick? Well there goes your whole "support women" schtick, cause not all people with a dick are men.
Is it anyone who identifies as male? Well there goes your whole "support trans people" schtick, cause some men are afab.
Is it anyone who is a cis man? Well there goes your "acceptance and love" schtick, cause some cis men are allies who are fighting just as adamantly about our right to live and love and be ourselves as we are.
Is it anyone who LOOKS like a man? Well there goes ALL OF THE ABOVE, because then you're judging based on outward appearance, assuming their identity, and generalizing that they must be awful and horrible, because they look like a man and therefore they are one and should stay away from you, which is EXACTLY what the homophobes and the transphobes say about US.
Do you have deep-rooted trauma surrounding men from a majorly traumatic moment or a series of them throughout your life? Alright, I get that, I can respect that, by all means, continue, build your safe space and do it your way.
Or do you just hate "men" (whatever the hell you define that as) because you had a couple annoying experiences or you met a few bad apples and let them dictate the entire rest of your life by allowing them to live rent free in your head as eternal reminders to be hateful?
"men dni" which men? trans men? transfems that look male? People with both parts that present as male, willingly or unwillingly? Non-Binary folk who present as male?
What men aren't allowed to interact, and why?
And I know, I know, asking why is a huge faux pas, but it's fucking important to ask why in this case.
It's stupid as hell for Taylor Femgal or Alex Boyfella to be a bigot against all men and male-presenting individuals, trans or not, while simultaneously saying "Trans people should be loved and respected!" because then it's ultimately not about trans people, because what Tammy is actually saying is "The trans people I LIKE should be loved and respected!" which is fucking AWFUL as a platform.
On the other hand, it's completely justified if Riley Ladygirl or Jamie Mascdude went through hell for six years solid at the hands of a man (or group of men) and now has a legitimate ptsd response to seeing/interacting with men or male-presenting individuals.
I'm sorry if that's a hot fucking take but I don't see how someone can preach acceptance and love and tolerance while simultaneously alienating an entire extremely-hard-to-define group of the human population, WHILE ALSO condemning and demonizing the people they're alienating FOR ALIENATING OTHERS.
You don't get to be an ally and a hypocrite at the same time. You don't get to say "We deserve to exist" when you're telling another group they don't deserve to exist.
We don't fucking trade fascists for fascists.
So let me make this VERY fucking simple.
If you have "men dni" in your dni list, just fucking block me. Because you're either saying "No men, not even the allies that risk their lives right alongside us at pride events in dangerously anti-lgbt cities", or you're saying "No trans masc individuals, if they identify as men they're just as bad", or you're saying "No trans fem individuals, they were born male so they're bad", or you're saying ALL of these at once.
And I for one will NOT fucking sit here and see more of that absolute horse-shit on my dash.
Still here? Cool, one last thing to say.
ALL TRANS PEOPLE ARE FUCKING VALID, AND I FULLY BELIEVE IN TRUE, COMPLETE GENDER EQUALITY, WITHOUT ALL OF THIS STUPID "MEN SUCK" "WOMEN SUCK" BULLSHIT.
We're all just people trying to do our best, so stop fucking ADDING to the piles and piles of hatred. Even if you're one of the people with "men dni" in your dni list, know that I still support your identity, I still love you as one human to another, and I will still advocate and fight for your right to exist in a state of life that is comfortable and joyous to you.
But I cannot and will not sit here and see more and more people telling entire genders not to interact simply for being the gender.
Isn't the entire point of fighting for trans rights and gender equality so that EVERYONE, regardless of sex or gender or identity, can stand on the same level footing as equals, interacting and loving and being free side by side?
Stop fucking saying "I advocate for trans rights" when you're literally turning around and saying "Unless they're a man".
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Emily in Paris : Season 4 - Part. 1 - Quotes
"- Oui, thanks to Luc. And the less we say about it, the better. - I warned you about this, Emily. You broadcast your entire life for public consumption and now it's affecting my business." (Sylvie - Episode 1)
"- He won't even speak to me and, well, he blocked my number and deleted me on Instagram. (Emily) - After such a humiliation, who can blame him?" (Sylvie - Episode 1)
"- Alfie, don't let your emotions cloud your judgment." (Episode 1)
"- Can you start tonight? - I have plans with Nicolas. (Mindy) - Why don't you ask him for the money? (Etienne) - He's not an ATM. (Mindy) - Well, his father is a billionaire, girl. (Etienne) - Just because he's hot doesn't mean you can't date him for his money. (Mindy) - Multitask, bitch." (Etienne - Episode 1)
"- What the hell, Cooper? When were you going to tell me my face is plastered all over the city, looking at you like you're not about the ruin my life? (Alfie) - You promise you won't go disappearing on me? (Emily) - As if you'd let me. (Alfie - Episode 1)
"- I can't believe you exhumed an ex-boyfriend to make a co-worker happy. And corporate co-dependence is a disease. (Mindy) - He's not my ex. At least, not yet. And I am not codependent... (Emily) - Uh... Hmm. (Mindy) -... I'm just very dedicated to my job. (Emily - Episode 1)
"- I can't believe how cheap I feel in a dress this expensive. (Mindy) - Mindy, wait. (Nicolas) - You do not want me to stay with this much rage and free alcohol. But in the future, I'll wear whatever the fuck I want." (Mindy - Episode 1)
"- But, Sylvie, you must feel terrible. (Emily) - Not really." (Sylvie - Episode 2)
"- Everybody's disposable, Emily. Remember that." (Sylvie - Episode 2)
"- Just so you know, women shouldn't go into the brand closet alone. You need a buddy. (Girls at JVML) - I was thinking I needed a cart, but a friend to help carry all this would be better." (Mindy - Episode 2)
"- When I'm interested in your opinion, I'll ask for it, Emily." (Episode 2)
"- I'd rather not dredge up tasteless stories from the past. It was a different time." (Sylvie - Episode 2)
"- We are beyond pointing fingers, Emily. The fact is, we are fucked!" (Episode 2)
"- She's also one of my first friends in Paris. She gave me hope that not every French person hated me because I'm American. (Emily) - They hate you because you steal their boyfriends." (Camille's friends - Episode 2)
"- I'm trying to come up with some excuse for her going completely dark." (Episode 2)
"- Camille has disappeared. Do they suspect foul play? - I don't think so. (Emily) - I'd hope not. She's a gallerist, not a foreign dictator. - Well, I'm sure she just needs space, and would appreciate it if everyone minded their own business." (Emily - Episode 2)
"- Don't worry. Okay? You're not going to give away anything. Sometimes in life, things go missing and they're never found." (Episode 2)
"- Oh, what if we did a non-alcoholic version? There's growth in that sector, thanks to the sober curious movement. (Emily) - The sober what? (Sylvie) - Sober curious movement. It's mostly Gen Z and millennials who are adopting a wellness approach to alcohol. (Emily) - They're not sober. They're just exploring not drinking. (Luc) - So they're drinking, but not talking about it? (Luc) - No, they're not drinking, but they won't shut up about it." (Sylvie) - Sound like they need a drink. (Luc) - Sobriety may be popular in America, but it's the antithesis of French culture. (Sylvie - Episode 3)
"- Okay. Is it just me, or did all of the men in Paris suddenly get a lot hotter? (Emily) - They've always been hot. (Mindy) - I am so over both of them. (Emily) - You're on a dick embargo? Waiting for your Prince Charming? (Mindy) - Oui. His name is Jacques, and he has five stars." (Emily - Episode 3)
"- Getting into this outfit was a two-person job. What'd I miss? (Mindy) - Turns out the masks go on and the true feelings come out. (Emily) - Oh ! Who are we talking about? Gabriel or Alfie?" (Mindy - Episode 3)
"- Oh ! Someone's living out their horny Bridgerton fantasies." (Mindy - Episode 3)
"- Do you have any idea what kind of scrutiny my father is under right now? (Nicolas) - He was my inspiration. Men can't keep their dicks in their pants. Why should we pretend otherwise?" (Grégory - Episode 4)
"- Clear your schedule and your browsing history." (Sylvie - Episode 4)
"- I think it looks like a place that was hot in the '70s. (Sylvie) - It's not about the place. It's about the people. We will resurrect the glory days of disco." (Héloise - Episode 4)
"- I just want to be with you. Anywhere and everywhere." (Episode 4)
"- Emily, who are you right now? (Mindy) - Someone who's living the question instead of always trying to find the right answer. (Emily) - Why the roof? (Mindy) - Maybe there's people in her apartment, you know?" (Emily - Episode 4)
"- Or maybe she's in a throuple. Or a polyamorous quad, you know? But they just... they just wanted a moment alone together. That, with Augustinus Bader, going gray isn't giving up. It's glowing up." (Emily) - Nice job in there. I'm a little surprised though. (Sylvie) - Why? (Emily) - Americans can't tolerate ambiguity. (Sylvie) - I think right now it's better to be Switzerland." (Emily - Episode 4)
"- I am not asking you to choose a side, I'm asking you to choose me." (Episode 4)
"- Yeah, you would, but it's 45 minutes out of the city. I'm not living in Paris to not live in Paris." (Camille) - Okay, well, there are nice apartments in Athens. (Sofia) - O, I bet. I could never leave Paris. (Camile) - She's having his baby. Did you really think that she was going to move away from him? (Sofia - Episode 4)
"- Well, that was the most expensive meet-and-great. Oh, so this drink was a trompe-l'oeil. (Emily) - When Em learns a new French phrase, she loves to apply it to everything." (Mindy - Episode 5)
"- You need a recommendation? (Emily) - More like a reservation. At a place where it's impossible to get a table." (Sylvie - Episode 5)
"- I've never seen him so happy. He should lose a star more often." (Mindy)
#emily in paris#show#series#tv shows#netflix#quote#quotes#citation#emily in paris season 4#emily in paris season 4 part 1
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My second coming out.
I think I was 18 when I came out as a lesbian. I don’t remember definitive moments of telling my friends. In many ways they knew before I did. Maybe it was all the drunk rambling about hot women when I lost my inhibitions. It must’ve been, because for all of my teenage years, I had been hanging up posters of male tv show actors and male band members and declaring they were attractive. I remember one afternoon where I was looking through a Kerrang magazine and I was gushing over how hot the lead singer of All Time Low was. Or maybe it was the guitarist. I really can’t remember. And at that time I genuinely thought that I was attracted to whichever one it was, and any other man that I had talked about. I really did. Because being attracted to men, being straight, was the norm and I had never questioned if I was actually feeling that way, or just blindly going along with what everyone else thought. And I suppose at 14/15/16/17 I had never experienced true attraction so I really had no way of actually knowing back then. And maybe that’s weird. Maybe I was weird. Or maybe, again, I just never had the time and space to consider the other gender or any gender, consider who I was.
But at around 18 I had sort of a revelation about women, without really understanding what it meant. Suddenly it was female actors and musicians I was obsessing over, talking about constantly and hanging up pictures of. And that felt right. It really did. I was finally certain about what attraction felt like. And when my brain and emotions caught up to what that meant for me, there just became casual talk in my friend group about me being a lesbian. Never any judgment or doubtful questions from their side. It just fell into my place. And I was so grateful and relieved to be accepted, that life just sailed on after that. But I also never did a lot of “soul searching” about it. Honestly the process of coming out seemed to happen completely without me in a way. Suddenly it just was. And that was it. I had a label now, and that would define my future. I really wish I would’ve given myself more time. Asked for more time, grown up a bit more before settling into something that in a way was just as much a directive of who I was supposed to be, as being straight had been.
I know many people want any lgbtq+ person to know their sexuality or gender when they start feeling and especially expressing being outside of the given norm. As if knowing a persons label restores the balance of things and the world makes sense again. It’s like they’re saying “well if you’ve gotta be different then you at least owe us an explanation of exactly what is so different about you”.
Fuck that. Whether you’re 5 or 12 or 25 or 50 or 90, you don’t owe anyone anything, you don’t have to explain, you don’t have to cram yourself into a nice little box with a nice little label, just so other people know where to store you.
I know that some people think that it’s ridiculous and attention seeking if a person decides to not label themselves, like it’s trendy to not only “want” to be different but also to “decide” that you’re so different that you’re not comfortable with these “perfectly well-fitted labels that everyone else can use so why can’t you, and just give us some peace”
Some people find power in labels and that’s amazing. Other people find just another set of expectations and dictations of who you’re supposed to be and who you’re allowed to be.
And without knowing it at the time, I had let myself be put into a box, before I had even come to terms with who I was.
I told my family in quite an unexpected way. As a protest against their generally homophobic talk. I wasn’t by any means ready to come out, I had barely been figuring things out, very barely confident enough to be myself. But I pushed myself to do it one night, because I was sick of hearing them talk like that, and a part of me thought that if they knew I wasn’t straight, then it would force them to have to reevaluate their thinking and speaking.
That night, that coming out, it wasn’t for me, it was for every other person out there, sat at a dining table feeling ashamed and rejected. It was a challenge in a way. One that I won, my family doesn’t speak like that anymore, they support me and I like to think that they’ve grown to see the world in a different way as the years have gone by.
But it happened. I was now out of the closet to the people closest to me. And I was a lesbian.
I was 18 or 19 back then. Now I’m 27. And I feel stuck and ashamed and uncertain. I’m hiding. And I’m so terrified that my closest friends will think differently of me, if I ever tell them that I’m not sure. I’m so scared that I will let them down, that they will feel betrayed or that they will think that I’ve been lying to them for all these years (and I guess that part is true), that I’m a fraud who was just desperate to be a lesbian.
I came out years ago.
But then 2 days ago I watched Red White & Royal blue, and season 2 of Heartstopper in the same day.
And I got this sort of pressing sadness in my chest, this overwhelming need to be able to be myself, because i knew and I know that I’m not free, I’m not out of the godforsaken closet in the way that is who I am. I think I’m bi, actually.
And what a terrible shame. Terrible, terrible shame. Shame on me. How dare I be the person who proves that every lesbian can be turned by a good-looking man? How dare I ask people to have to change their perception of me? How dare I be 27 and not know for certain who I am?
It’s messing with my head so much that I’m afraid I can never be honest. It’s messing with me so much that I feel like I’ve been slowly drowning in a cage for years and now there’s barely any air left. It feels like if I don’t get those words out soon then I’m not gonna make it. It’s so heavy.
And being openly bisexual, from what I’ve gathered, is not a fun rollercoaster to be on. You’ll be questioned and analyzed and doubted, you’ll have to constantly stand up for your own sexuality because it’s too fluid for pea-sized brains to understand, every romantic or sexual experience you have will be either a defeat or a success in the lgbtq+ community, you’ll be sexualized, you’ll be asked to cross your own boundaries because it’s “hot”, you’ll be seen as more promiscuous, and probably so many more things I can’t think of right now.
Part of the reason I also haven’t told anyone yet, is the simple reason that it’s easier to brush men off that you don’t want attention from, by saying that you’re a lesbian, so they’re wasting their time. It’s an easy out I’ve used many times. And I’ve felt so wrong about it every time because it’s simply not true. And what a fucked up world, that it’s easier to throw the lesbian card than it is to simply say no and have that be respected. But that’s an entirely different talk.
Am I really ready to face all of this, to have that conversation with friends and family, to admit that I’m not a lesbian and that I’m still figuring things out? To have to explain what to me is very personal, about how attraction works for me? To have to then also open up about the differences I feel with romantic and sexual attraction? To explain that I’m also not quite sure if maybe I’m somewhere on the demisexual spectrum as well? And is it too much to ask for them to understand that particular part as well? To have to lay bare every single moment of confusion and realization that has led me to have to speak up to be free? In a way it feels like I’m going to court and I might lose. Well I feel quite certain that I’ll lose and that for a very long time, I’ll be stuck in that courtroom until I’ve explained enough, to peoples satisfaction.
As if this isn’t about me wanting to be happy, it’s about making sure that the people around me are happy with who I am.
I just want to be me. I want to not have to be careful about what I say, I want to be able to gush as much about Henry Cavill as I can gush about Anya Chalotra, I want the freedom to fall in love with a person, without having to stress about whether or not it’s a woman. I want to be able to talk about attraction without hiding half of me, without suffocating myself in the process.
I want to be allowed to be 27 and still be figuring things out.
But still, I’m so afraid of what will happen. And it’s simply just not fucking fair that I have to be afraid. I have never even written about this before, too afraid to put actual words to how I’ve been feeling for so long, too afraid of making it real. But I’m taking a chance, and posting it here, hoping that maybe it will be a step on the way.
If anyone reads this, then please be kind ❤️
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Fall of X (either a breakdown or a rant)
Full of spoilers
We all know Marvel has an affinity for soft reboots. It seems things are going to change radically. But then after a big boom nothing really changes. I personally am still wondering whether Fall of X is going to be like that or if it’s about to shake up the status quo (again).
I don’t know. I hope changes are coming because Krakoa isn’t my type of setting. But even if not much is changing, I’m still here for the ride. Because the ride is really something.
What’s up
After yet another Hellfire Gala things go awry because of a series of simultaneously executed attacks. Because the majority of Mutants are forcibly relocated from Earth (supposedly), we are left with a small group. Among them are Kamala (who is still coming to terms with even being a mutant), Emma (who is rightfully pissed but surprisingly well prepared), Nightcrawler (who is now spider-man), Firestar (playing a traitor), Shadowkat (who now kills) and some others.
See that’s why this arc works for me. Everyone is pushed to their absolute limit, and everything they do now is dictated by revenge and despair. Say whatever you want, functional and healthy doesn’t work in fiction quite as well as the opposite.
That’s why I already love this event.
Nostalgic vibes
It started for me with Mutant First Strike. An attack on a small town is staged by Orchis to look like an act of mutant aggression. We see a Krakoan relief team at work and it’s quite enjoyable. Because the whole thing reminds me of the classic X-men motto - protecting those who fear and hate them. It’s an idea that Krakoa stepped away from and for me, it never felt true to the core idea of the series.
And then, narratively, the story pushes you back to the good old Civil War days and Stamford.
Naturally, you see propaganda at work, Orchis and comrades spinning the events to present a twisted image of what had happened. It’s vivid and very actual. But that’s when I felt that the classic X-men aren’t really that far gone.
Reliving past experiences
The event sure has many great storylines. Like yet again Jean dies (or so, again, we think). This leads us to a story by Louise Simonson which kinda works as a stunning epilogue for the character. Jean goes back to pivotal events in her life and wonders what could she have done differently. A what-if style story that Simonson gets very right because come on, mutant legend here. The issue with time-displaced Jean stuck with me more than the rest. Maybe it’s because I genuinely enjoy AUs, or maybe it’s because Jean is still very much a plot device and her young version isn’t. She also makes a pretty sick old-school Magneto.
The other arcs are about Phoenix and Maddie. The former is as big and bad as ever, the latter just reminds you how lousy some characters have it. Maddie really deserves better (but that’d be boring).
Jean though… she comes to terms with all she’s ever done and accepts it. I mean… if there’s a perfect moment to let her die for good, this is it. But what are the chances…
Origins
I love an origin story, the last one I got with Escapade (loved it!), but now it’s Ms. Marvel. Let’s skip the story of why she has to be a mutant and get to the interesting stuff. Kamala is all about her identity. Her hobbies, her family, her friends and teams, being inhuman, hero, etc. But as soon as she awakes on Krakoa, she embraces another identity. And see, I love how she almost immediately puts on an X-men uniform. (Unlike Disney’s Kamala who just throws away mutation as another label! What’s wrong with ya girl???)
Anyway, before she gets to snap on the X-belt, she has a fantastic exchange with Emma. Because let’s be fair, no one schools teens better than Emma. When Emma continuously tells Kamala that she has to be really careful because being a mutant on Krakoa and being a PR stunt for a thriving nation is one thing, but living what they’ve been living before is completely different. and now with Orchis getting the upper hand, it’s straight up terrifying. Of course, Kamala doesn’t listen, she actually rushes into it because she wants to stand with her fellow mutants and that’s amazing (regardless of her mutant power never having been activated). Which is another thing well approached. It’s not even about power, but it’s about who you are.
Multi-layered, right? From Hellfire Gala we spin into the story co-written by Sabir Pirzada and Iman Vellani. It’s a character story with a ton of self searching and it’s definitely something that hasn’t been as common for mutants lately. More of them deserve their own arcs away from teams. I don’t know how well Marvel’s gonna do with separating Ms. Marvel from the X-men but so far she has enough on her plate. Plus, the character’s pretty popular so… who knows.
This was definitely one of my favorite runs in this event.
Weddings (and still no funerals)
But let’s get back to Emma. If life on 616 is a chess board, Emma is a queen. You always expect her to be two steps ahead of everyone and she’s been very very smug. But after the gala she, while still reasonably prepared, is devastated. She believes the cuckoos are dead, her teammates are scattered, and she is pissed at everyone. Plus, she doesn’t know it but Kate’s killing humans now. Things are pretty bad.
She teams up with Tony, things for him suck too with Feilong taking over his company and tech. In the process, comics threw in giant iron-man-looking sentinels which is something I’d love to see in the MCU. So Emma and Tony accidentally come across each other while fighting an iron sentinel, and end up in sewers plotting revenge on Feilong.
That’s what leads to their “wedding”. No, they aren’t actually married, and Emma didn’t even use her real identity. But you know what… you know what? Emma and Tony have always had good chemistry and despite this being an almost business relationship, it really should be more. I mean if anyone could be a power couple… they’d be like ‘Roro and T’Challa but without the crown. And we could use a power couple. Not like Scott and Jean who are pretty much just a couple and not like Emma and Scott, the living proof that behind every mediocre man, there’s a great woman.
So yeah I’m rooting for them. Give me a fake relationship romance in the middle of my superhero story. Note - all the fun parts happen in Invincible Iron Man, not in any of the X-Men titles.
Where the hell is Storm?
I already mentioned that Krakoa was attacked but so was Arakko. And this is where I have some room for a negative rant. I don’t particularly enjoy this sci-fantasy setting. It gave Storm and Sunspot a couple of good stories mostly showcasing their power and smarts. But really, I think they both should be on Earth. Arakko mutants are really random, their dynamic is very fantasy-like, they have no thought-out place in any story so they’re stuck between being an interstellar problem and something four or five mutants from Earth have to deal with. Neither really works. Not for me anyway, and this is my breakdown.
The amazing Spider… crawler
Kurt’s never been bitten by a radioactive spider but yet there he is, wearing Peter Parker’s backup suit, and getting into a complicated ship with Silver Sable. The fun part is he’s doing whatever (or whoever) a spider would do. All the elements of a classic spider story assist Kurt in trying to reimagine himself and atone for the little murder rampage. But of course, being a mutant and pretty much banned from Earth, how well do we think this is gonna go? I love this run because it’s a fun mix and again, character-centric. Plus, it has romance or at least strong character chemistry. And to make things more interesting a distressed delirious Mystique is running around. Meanwhile, in another book, Destiny is falling apart because she believes Mystique is dead.
Let them people go
Actually, this is one of two other arcs I don’t particularly get. One focuses on the misplaced mutants on a piece of Krakoa with Mother Righteous, Hope, and Exodus with religious euphoria turned up to a 100. Does Krakoa sound more and more like a cult? Yeah, it does.
And then Realm of X is Saturnyne again. I was tired of her after X of Swords. So I read it for continuity but I don’t really feel like talking about any of it. Skip.
Everyone gets an arc
Iceman gets a solo arc. He’s dead and preserved by his inhuman boyfriend. The concept is certainly interesting and I’m excited to know what’s happening next. Because if there is poetry in it, I’d like to see where it leads.
I love when mutants mingle with the rest of the world as much as possible. That’s probably why I was pretty happy to see Unity Squad back in action. It’d be absurd for the rest of the heroes to just ignore mutant issues like they often do. So only fair that they try and rebuild at least some of the trust. Can’t be easy with heavy propaganda but will definitely open up possibilities for creating good stories.
Here we go again
I definitely have to mention murderous Shadowkat. All her recent development culminates in that. And it’s pretty damn realistic. On one side, who can blame her? On the other, kill no human and all that.
But to me, that’s what Krakoa was always about. Not peaceful coexistence (which may not even be possible) but a utopia that eventually leaves you hollow and angry. Which brings to mind parallels with Jasmine’s world peace from Angel s4.
Also, this again reminds us how cultish Krakoa is (was?).
Kate’s actions though, like Emma’s are rooted in despair. Both are convinced that the desert-dwelling portion of non-combatant mutants is dead forever. That feels sorta like Age of X-man, in my opinion, unfairly hated for no good reason by many fans. I genuinely enjoyed that arc. But remember how Blindfold kept saying that this is forever and Scott was convinced she meant that everyone else is forever gone. Yep, same thing. (Except it’s with the Five alive and well so resurrection is still present. And still bugs me a lot.)
I’m still not fully caught up on what’s up with everyone. For instance, I haven’t been keeping tabs on Rogue and Gambit, mostly because first their Excalibur stint bored me and then they lost the spark they had when they weren’t married. I might still change my mind but I’m not holding my breath.
I might not like everything that’s going on but there are arcs and runs I enjoyed immensely and that’s more than enough reason for me to keep coming back to X-runs.
All that writing and I still forgot Children of the Vault. What's even up with them? Idk but looks interesting.
#x men#xmen#marvel#marvel characters#marvel comics#mutants#long reads#comics#comic books#krakoa#fall of x#jean grey#emma frost#kurt wagner#kate pryde#iron man
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Nia can I ask you for a little advice? I know this is mostly a silly Metal Gear blog but you’re a little older than me and also an autistic trans guy who likes men so you’re the only person I can think of who really fits this bill.
For a while now I’ve called myself bisexual but now I’m really starting to doubt that and I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know. I think I might be gay. Whenever I’m attracted to a woman it feels superficial, and even then it’s still fairly rare.
I’m attracted to maybe 3 woman and a lot of men. I know that doesn’t necessarily dictate anything but I don’t know. I can’t really imagine myself even having sex with a woman outside of the typical male ego stroking way where it’s more about status than anything else.
I look at nsfw artwork of women and I’m able to get off to it, sure, but I’m never really attracted to any real videos of women and I’m just so confused. I used to consider myself asexual which was partially because of this and partially because of my dysphoria making it impossible to imagine having sex as a woman- I found the idea of it completely repulsive. Maybe I still am somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I don’t know. I’m just so confused Nia.
I have a girlfriend and I care about her a lot but I just can’t imagine myself ever having sex with her. I don’t think I’m attracted to her at all. Even most of the fictional women I’m attracted to are all quite masculine and I just don’t know. I love her a lot and I don’t want to hurt her but I just don’t think I’m attracted to women.
i understand so much and I'm so sorry you're struggling with this, sexuality is such a weird complex thing and not all things need labels but also I feel compelled to give my two cents bc I've gone through this before and I didn't realize I wasn't into women as much as I thought I was until 2 years ago. for most of my life I've identified as pan and I've had more girlfriends than boyfriends (though those girlfriends were before I came out as a guy) and always wondered why my relationships with women just felt weird and off. like I can look at a woman and go wow she's bangable but not actually want to do anything with her, but when I see guys im like " OHHH FUCK HES BREEDABLE!!!", when I was with women it always just felt like I was pretending?? i didn't realize that wasn't normal until I got with my boyfriend and everything felt natural. like when I got intimate with a woman it felt more like I was roleplaying than actually feeling it. i still thought they were very physically attractive I just didn't like them that way I guess. even after publicly being out and presenting as a guy I still tried being with women but in the end It felt the same, like I was with them for the ego stroking part 😭
I found out I am homoromantic and ace with a preference for men. to be specific aegosexual which is like.. " yiss sexual stuff ...but no not irl and not to me" and I can really only feel comfortable doing something intimate with someone I've known for a while and is a guy (and preferably trans too). but like I said not everything needs a label, and sexuality is a weird thing, like you can identify as mostly gay but be attracted to some women like how ace people can be attracted to some people
it looks like you're in a really tough spot right now and I think that you should really talk with your girlfriend about this when you're ready because if you go on it won't only hurt her but yourself too. you can still care and love for someone while not being attracted to them and it's definitely best to just be honest with her, im sure she'd appreciate the honesty too. I hope everything turns out for the best man :(( sorry I don't really know how to give good life advice but I think you should start with talking about this with her and I know that's going to take alot of courage but it would be for the best
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"I dont support it in real life!"
Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.
Wow.
Well hello to you too. Thanks for the ask and I hope you have a great day.
Now, at what point during your scrolling through my blog, filled with Sanrio characters and drawings of adult fictional men. May I repeat, adult fictional men, did you manage to make up this baffling scenario that I somehow condoned pedophilia ? Where in the numerous reblogs of Pompompurin and My Melody did you see me wishing harm and abuse on real life children ? How does one even come close to that scenario ? Why do you guys immediately hear pedophilia when the word proship is involved ? "Minding your own business and not harassing others online regarding their ship" means pedophilia now ? Is this what we're doing ?
Do you know how crazy you sound coming into a complete stranger's asks to make up grave accusations without any proof whatsoever ?
Not even talking about how weird it is to assume that I'm condoning absolutely everything I post online because apparently fiction and reality are absolutely one and the same to you, and I'm not even going to toe that line considering you won't listen at all, why are you making this random assumption that what I'm posting is vent art ? Because I'm not a victim of sexual assault nor have I been assaulted or raped as a child. It's rude to make assumptions.
And who the hell are you to dictate what they should or shouldn't post ? Your own displeasure or ick shouldn't interfere in anyone else's business, what you should consider doing is actively shutting the fuck up and educating yourself properly on what the words that you spout actually mean, because you just sound dumb right now.
And how twisted do you have to be to casually imply that everything I post online enables pedophiles. Do you know how sick you sound right now ? Pedophiles don't give a fuck about me or my art, they just want to exert their power over children and rape them. And you are relishing in the idea that I or someone could be using my work to do that. That's a good thing to you, that a child could be abused right now ? Where you should be horrified and contact CPS or possibly the authorities, you find glee knowing that the person you're interacting with could be a pedophile who wants to sexually assault children or enable this ?
And excuse me, which children are you talking about exactly ? Because all of the characters in THH are confirmed to be 20 years old. Is a 20 years old a child now ?
You know, you should seriously think before finding random strangers online to acuse them of being pedophiles and maybe find real problems. Because by actively watering down serious problems, you're making things worse for children and those who actually care about children ? Ever thought about that ? You're not protecting anyone, you're making things worse.
Don't you have like, anything else to do ? There has to be at least one thing that you like to do instead of being this hateful, so go do that and stop such being a rude shithead online.
And now I'm disabling anon asks before more twats like you swarm in and start saying the vilest stuff because you think that you can do that with no consequences. I didn't put it there so you can say whatever like I'm a fictional character. I'm a real person, you cunt.
Again, I hope you have a lovely day, and go fuck yourself.
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like i said idk how to explain this coherently but yes examples work
basic info: Soekarno was the first Indonesian president and Hatta was his vice
kinda our version of uh. alexander hamilton and john laurens except one of them was actually president
people eat up the quiet and smart bookworm glasses guy and extroverted leader guy dynamic
indotwt generally just likes old men yaoi
soekarno didn't want to read out the declaration of independence on 17th August 1945 before hatta arrived
soekarno had 10 wives throughout his life but he still said shit like "No one can ever replace Hatta, I can have many wives but he is still my only Vice." whatever u say dude lmao
after hatta retired soekarno kinda lost it and went complete dictator mode <- he didnt fucking look for another vice bro just had a joker meltdown arc
lovers to enemies arc
apparently when they fell out Ali Sastroamidjojo went to both of them to try to mediate and they both basically told him "he's like a brother to me, but his politics fucking sucks"
after Hatta retired he began openly criticizing Soekarno. like a proper adult Soekarno went and responded it DURING HIS 1959 INDEPENDENCE DAY SPEECH
kinda fun and weird fact about hatta he had multiple cats and he named them after dictators that he fucking hated like hitler, mussolini and franco. hitler cat ran away and he was just. ok
when Hatta fell ill in 1963, SEVEN YEARS AFTER THEY FELL OUT, Soekarno sent him to receive treatment in Sweden using GOVERNMENT FUNDS. "because their healthcare is better"
when g30s/pki (coup) and the start of the new order happened Hatta stayed silent but in 1970, A WEEK BEFORE SOEKARNO DIED, Hatta wrote to Soeharto (2nd president, not a good guy but i dont feel like explaining) like "dude I'm so disappointed in you why did you put him under house arrest and didnt give him a proper trial so he can defend himself"
one of the oldest airport in indonesia is called Soehatta. their entire duo has been Soehatta in years. fandom shipname soundin ahh
i don't know why i spent an hour writing this. anyways. old men yaoi
my country's independence day tomorrow and everyone in my tl is shipping the first president and his vice again
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Needed to entertain myself so decided to summarise the Svt Eurovision commentator for semi 1. Sorry in advance for the long post!
"My name is Edward af Sillén and I'm belonging to the dying species Eurovision experts.
It'll be a candy with flavours we couldn't dreamt about. Punk rock bands, 60 year old men in high heels, white Y-fronts, a fruity dictator and Putin's missiles as phallus symbols. And all of this are just in Croatia's entry!
And what a week for Great Britain! A few days ago they crowned a king and isn't it we hope to crown a queen before week's end? That queen is named Loreen Talhaoui
I can tell that the first song of the evening is the 1 541th to ever have competed in Eurovision. Good info to have if you have a SAT in front of you.
Like a spinning pass from Mordor. Alessandra, strong on the stage. From Norway to Malta, a country that in Eurovision often sings about angels, or peace, or about angels who want peace. But this year they're singing about us and about how socially awkward we've become after the life in quarantine and that we rather stay at home than go out to clubs. On the other hand, that's how I've felt since 2011.
Lovely The Busker! Guys who love to dance but evidentially CAN'T dance. Nice and relatable for most of us guys.
He calls himself Black because he as a teenager declared Serbia's music industry as dead, and wore black for 40 days in personal mourning. But besides that he seems to be a very positive guy, real fun at parties. Jokes aside, he does seem to be a very great guy.
I'm so happy I didn't have to stand behind and do hip hop-moves.
Marisa Mema performs under the name of Mimicat. Unclear why. Now you're many wondering if Mimicat indeed has a cat and I can tell you that yes, she has. The cat's name is Brownie. Mimicat's entry is about when the heart beats so hard that the body aches and you get dry in your mouth and dizzy. That's how it feels when you're in love. Could also be heart failure.
Ireland is Eurovision's own Bengt Dahlqvist. Usually they have another lead singer but he wasn't considered good looking enough for Eurovision. So instead one of the band's guys had to step up. And he does that in a gold coloured bodysuit just to better safe than sorry. Lock your daughters in! Here's Wild Youth from Ireland.
Grab onto something now... Croatia sends a bunch of 60 year olds so hard that Ireland's wild youth look like Mini-cottage cheese. It might look like it's the Grotesco-gang who've masqueraded and are pulling our legs but the fact is that this is a rather fantastic group with a long history of political activism through music. A bit like Croatia's equivalent to Nationalteatern. If they win on Saturday they've promised to sing the winner's reprisal completely nude. I'm not trying to influence your votes, I'm just thinking this is info you deserve to have before voting.
Yes! Y-fronts and pumps and a subtle melody. Croatia starts off hard. That gang's debut album was btw named Two Dogs Fucking and is as you understand a perfect record to put on in the background when you and wifey have an romantic evening with the food simmering on the stove.
Musical protests against the war can look in different ways, which becomes extra palpable now when Switzerland enters the stage after Croatia. He had his breakthrough at 18 years old when he won the Swiss The Voice. He's also competed in the German show I can see your voice, which should be impossible.
She's a fabulous singer, a brilliant lyrics writer, a dynamic dancer and a magical actress. All this according to her own website. Tonight's entry she has contributed with writing herself - Unicorn. And it was only a matter of time before a Eurovision song would be called that.
And him you've seen before. 2012 he competed in Baku and was defeated by Loreen. He can't only have been happy when he decided to return and got to hear Loreen would do the same. We're treated to sort of medieval performance extra-everything with women with horns, men who beat on drums and a man with a flute dressed as someone from Asterix. Did I say you're watching Eurovision?
Their music is Beatles inspired in bits. Very fitting now when we're in Liverpool.
Twins we've seen before in Eurovision. 1980 for example it was Sophie and Magaly for Luxembourg. 2014 it was Tolmachevy Sisters for Russia. 1994 it was Roger Pontare and Marie Bergman for Sweden. Well, perhaps Roger and Marie weren't biological twins but when they sang it felt like they came from the same egg.
During the song you'll hear the word corona several times. But that means crown and not corona. So if you've caught corona in Czechia congratulations are in order.
Dion was supposed to perform the song solo, but they felt it was too much like Arcade so they re-made the song into a duet. And that's why Mia walks beside him on the podium. And how fittingly perfect isn't that since Liverpool know better than anybody else that you never walk alone.
Finland. Yup, the neighborliness is but a memory. What Finland send is really effective. You're about to experience Finnish industry-techno, hardcore rap blended with cha cha in a song that ends in eurodisco and a synchronised conga line. All this performed by the irresistible Käärijä who 29 years old had a break through in the Finnish national selection and crushed all opposition. Before this he was as good as unknown in the home country. A bleeding colon inflammation that nearly took his life was an eye-opener, and he decided to go for the music seriously. So it's an inflamed large intestine which have given Finland their biggest shot at winning in a very long time.
In many ways Loreen's complete opposite, but a real challenger on Saturday."
Oh my god I love this thanks so much for this gem
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I do think my relationship to my hair is 100% obsessive and dysfunctional
#ppl don’t seem to understand the gravity#I’m like completely consumed by the need to change it#like it’s existence in its current state is making me so anxious I can feel it like a knot inside me#i want to cut it I want to cut it#like I knew that growing it would be hard but AHHHHHHHHH#i can do this I want it gone!!!!!!!#i really was excited to be able to put it in little buns like it looks super cute#but if it was all gone…………….#and I want to look gay 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#why is my life completely dictated by wanting to look like men#i consumed too much media with long haired men and was like#i want that#and now I’m seeing short haired men and I want that#god fuck#HATE#also my hair kinda looks lame af when it’s long#some days it looks good but some days#dot dot dot#i can’t sleeep now I’m anxious
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yours, but not yours 03 (m) || csc & reader
title: yours, but not yours 03 pairing: choi seungcheol x fem!reader/oc genre: angst, fluff, smut, fake dating!au, bad influence!seungcheol, nice guy syndrome!namjoon, mechanic!seungcheol wc: 7.4k summary: when a nice guy gets too overbearing, you’re stuck with the option of having a fake boyfriend. warnings: oral sex (f.receiving) a/n: omg sorry for the delay... i’ve been in a really bad writing slump LOL if there’s some errors... ignore them. the fact i even finish this deserves a pat on the back LMFAO also thx @/cheolbooluvr ig for beta reading
Seungcheol stumbles back, wiping the red that formulates on the side of his lips. “Did you just fucking punch me?”
If there’s anyone he hated the most, Namjoon just kicked them off the top of the list and claimed the throne as his own. The fire that sets ablaze underneath Seungcheol’s skin is evident—the milky skin of his is flushed tints of scarlet, deep as wine and grows warm like the scorching sun.
Namjoon smirks, head tilted back with his chin up high like this is his territory and Seungcheol is a trespasser. It makes Seungcheol feel like he’s in one of those movies on National Geographic—he’s acting as if he’s a lion and you’re the lioness, while Seungcheol is just some opponent who wants what Namjoon has. He’s got his arms crossed over his chest, sucking in his cheeks for a brief moment before letting out the most brazen chuckle. He thinks he’s won, that smug look on his face giving it away. “Do you need a playback? I’ll do it again.”
In complete disbelief, Seungcheol scoffs. It takes all within him not to bash Namjoon’s face in but with you standing there, he can’t bring himself to show this crude side of himself in front of you. You don’t deserve to see him tear Namjoon to shreds—you deserve so much better than a guy who gets into fights instead of handling it civilly. He wants to be that, the kind of person you want, but when Namjoon takes the silence as a ‘yes,’ he’s prepared for another swing with a fist by his side.
“Alright, that’s enough,” you chime in sternly, ready to interject but Namjoon is already pulling his arm back and driving a punch into Seungcheol’s jaw with all his might, awaiting that pleasant sound of his bones cracking from the impact.
Only that it doesn’t.
Seungcheol has his arm extended, palm out and against Namjoon’s knuckles as he continues to dab the blood from the cut. It’s almost like it’s from a scene of a film, out on the schoolyard with rivals from different schools ready to rumble. “Chill the fuck out. You don’t gotta go home but you can’t stay here. I’m not gonna hit you, if that’s what you think is gonna happen because I don’t waste my energy on guys like you.”
The silence is deafening—Seungcheol could almost hear the ringing in his ears from it. Namjoon doesn’t aim very well, but the strength behind his fist is strong enough for Seungcheol to suspect a sore jaw tomorrow. They can’t pull their threatening stares from each other, flames burning in their eyes, with teeths clenched down in semblance to the balled hands at their sides.
You’re quick to shatter the glass of quietude, caring nothing more than to end this. You see why cigarettes tempt Seungcheol—suddenly your lungs are craving that breath of relief. “Go home.”
“You heard her,” Namjoon sneers. “She said go home. Guess you weren’t being a good boyfriend, huh.”
“I meant you.”
The two men turn to look at you.
“Namjoon, go home,” you reiterate, never stuttering over your words. “You don’t get to come here, to my house and punch someone in the face because you’re unhappy with something. You don’t get to act like a child, throwing a tantrum because you didn’t get the trophy girl and quite frankly, I’m not one. You’ve never once given me a decision tonight, thinking that it was better to come in place for Yubin, and none of this was discussed with me. When did you get to dictate my life?”
Namjoon drops his arm from Seungcheol, attention pivoting to you. “We had fun tonight, babe. I’m just doing what’s best for you,” he says, his favorite, signature line never fails to spill when it comes to you. Namjoon has developed this image of you that’s incapable of determining who would be the right fit for you because you ‘don’t know what you deserve.’ But it feels like every guy you choose doesn’t fit his criteria. “I want you to be with a guy that gives you it all, who takes care of you, who loves you, and gives what you truly deserve.”
“And what? You think that Seungcheol can’t offer that to me?” Inhaling in a deep breath, your lids squeeze shut. He’s your best friend’s brother, and although the trope is a cliche that you love, you didn’t love it in this scenario or when it involves yourself. “Namjoon,” you begin again; when your eyes lock on his, he sees the solemnity saturated in them. “It’s great that you care, but you’re overbearing and stepping over boundaries. Go home.”
It doesn’t take Namjoon long to slam the door with a scowl, driving off with his exhaust puffing smoke in your face.
Rubbing your eyes, you let out a heavy breath that you’ve been holding the entire time. You felt a mixture of embarrassment and anger—from Namjoon making a move on you when you clearly weren’t interested, to him punching Seungcheol in the face—it's hard to even give Namjoon any type of margin of error when his toxic behavior is so awfully constant.
“How you feelin’, pretty?”
Even with his jaw fractured and a hand against his cheek, he still manages to compliment you through his cherry stained lips. “If you’re askin’ bout me, I ain’t feeling so hot.”
“I can see that,” you retort with the roll of your eyes, tugging on his jacket sleeve up the stairs of your home. “Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”
Seungcheol is a simple guy.
He sees you, and immediately his mind goes blank. Seungcheol is like a smittened 12 year old when they see a pretty girl for the first time; his mouth goes dry, all possible words get suctioned off his tongue, and his lips part as if he has something to say but it never comes out. He’s never been really good at expressing his emotions; elaborating clearly how he felt for you was an obstacle he had trouble
So when you point to the dining chair placed in your small kitchen, he obediently does as he’s asked while you scramble to find a first aid kit in your storage closet instead of contesting it. He’s better at actions and gestures than words, so if it meant being like a well-trained puppy for you to understand the lengths of his likeness for you, then so be it.
“So… you and Namjoon…”
“Should I just stop feeling guilty and cut him off?” you interrupt, sighing as you drop the plastic box onto the square table. He notices everything here is kept minimal—two seats at the table, a loveseat couch, only two pairs of slippers for guests, and that was it. There is no intention of more, almost like you purposely don’t want anyone else coming in. “If it’s gotten to the point that he’s punching my fake boyfriend, it’s beyond ridiculous. There’s no boundaries when it comes to him, and it’s unfair that I have to constantly watch everything I do or say just to make sure I don’t upset him.”
“Should just cut ‘em off,” he spits, rotating his jaw. “He’s done nuffin’ but upset you. Stop being concerned ‘bout how he’s feeling and worry ‘bout yourself.”
You roll your eyes, tearing the wrapping of the alcohol wipe as you settle in the chair in front of him. “He’s my best friend’s brother.”
“This isn’t some romantic comedy. Stop naming that stupid trope. Tell Namjoon to quit and put your foot down. You’ve got a boyfriend now, and he’s gotta respect that,” Seungcheol says sternly, puffing his chest as if he’s all riled up.
Letting out a laugh, you shake your head as you wipe off the blood that dries on his wound. With a wince, he grimaces as he leans back. “Stop moving,” you nag before grabbing the ointment in the box. Squeezing a dollop into your finger, you apply it on gingerly as he scrunches up his face in fear of the pain, but it never comes.
Physically, at least.
“If I’m your girlfriend, then why haven’t I met your family yet?” you joke, but Seungcheol tenses up.
Family. The word alone causes his whole body to stiffen and his jaw to tighten. Before he could react, you’re already stumbling atop him as a loud crack is heard, and his first instinct is to pull you onto his lap.
“Oh, fuck—”
“Geez, baby, if you wanted to ride on my dick so bad, you should’ve just said so. No need to break your chair for it.”
Somehow, you find yourself seated on his thigh, arms wrapped around his shoulders, and nose nearly brushing his. You can feel his breath ghosting your lips, the stench of cigarettes permeated in the fabric of his clothes, but you prefer this over Namjoon’s cologne. He smells… heavenly. It’s like you are intoxicated, unable to control your thoughts properly, heart pacing faster than the cars you see on race tracks.
“I…” you gulp. Is he going to kiss you? His lips are so plump, cherry red, and visibly sweet. Unfiltered thoughts spill through your head; you want to taste his honeyed lips on yours, his hands roaming all around you. But you can’t have that. Right? But he’s so fucking close, you swear he’s gonna lean in for a kiss. Eyes hooded, he’s in a daze of you, equally as drunk on your scent. Notes of white jasmine—whatever the fuck that is, but he remembered seeing it on a body shampoo bottle in the bathroom. You smell sweet, with hints of something fruity and floral. He wants to drown in you.
And he manages to slip out the words that nearly have you tumbling.
“Wanna kiss?”
Did your heart just stop beating?
You’re vacuumed from any words—you and Seungcheol don’t work, but why do you want his lips slotted into yours? He doesn’t fit the requirements of what kind of guy you want, the kind of guy you see yourself with–the fact that your first encounter with him resulted being under the sheets with your body against his, there’s no way he’d ever be anything more.
So, why does he make you feel this churning inside the pit of your stomach?
He chuckles, pushing his hair back and away from his face. Leaning back against your chair, he watches as you quickly shuffle off of him and clear your throat as heat floods your cheeks. “I’m just kiddin’. Maybe you should get new chairs, love.”
You sigh; the chair on the floor has its wooden leg split. It should’ve been a sign about a month ago when the creaking first started… and when you continued to hear the crack of the wood with each time your ass made contact with it, but procrastination seemed like the better option in those moments. “I��” you puff your cheeks in annoyance. The damaged furniture is the least of your problems right now. Turning to Seungcheol, you place your hands on your hips. “We need to establish some boundaries.”
With a quirked brow, he scoffs. “Boundaries? You’re the kidder now.”
“I’m just saying,” you begin to pace, huffing. “We can’t—this can’t be more than it is. We’re just two people who had sex once—” Seungcheol clicks his tongue as he crosses his arms while narrowing his eyes on you. “—a couple times, but that’s it. You’re just gonna be my fake boyfriend in front of my friends so they can back off with Namjoon. Capeesh?”
“You know, the fact you gotta lie to your friends sorta means that they ain’t good ones.”
“Well, outside of Namjoon, I like them, alright?”
“I’m just sayin’,” he adds, raising his hands up in defeat. “I’ll do what you want, baby, but you’re ova here tryna set boundaries with me when you should be doin’ that with your friends, too. But I like you, and you’re sexy when you’re serious, so I’ll bite. Gimme your conditions.”
Inhaling sharply, you walk over to the desk beside your bed to shuffle through the drawers for a sheet of paper and a marker. “Okay,” you begin, slamming the computer paper into the table. “This is our terms. Let’s start off with number one. No fucking.”
Seungcheol chuckles, watching as you scribble the words. “We already fucked, baby.”
“Well, anymore. No dilly-dallying. We’re strictly business, Seungcheol.”
“Alright,” he raises his arms in defeat. “Whatever you want, baby. What’s next?”
“No catching feelings—”
“—Can we decide on rules that we haven’t already broken?” He quirks a brow before leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees. “You know I like you. Very much. Not just in the way to get in your pants, but more. So maybe… pick rules that we haven’t already broken, yeah?”
You puff your cheeks. “Fine. We’re just faking in front of my friends, right? So, I need you to be on your best behavior around them—I want them to believe that we’re real so that they can finally just come to terms that there are other guys that aren’t Namjoon.”
“You know,” he begins, tapping his foot against the wooden floors. “I still want my part of the deal upheld.”
You blink. “I must’ve missed that. What was it?”
“This is a trial,” he reiterates from the time before. “This is you considering me outside of just an acquaintance. A potential boyfriend.”
There’s a moment of silence before you let out an awkward laugh. “Let’s uh… let’s get back to the boundaries… yeah? How about… no fucking, no catching feelings, no sleeping over—”
“—All broken, but go on.”
You shoot a glare at Seungcheol before continuing. “No family involved. No telling people that we aren’t together, and lastly, this is exclusive.”
This intrigues Seungcheol. “Oh, well that’s new. I didn’t think you were the possessive type. Thought you didn’t like me, love.”
“It’s to spare anyone’s feelings,” you state sternly, writing down the rules onto the piece of paper. “I don’t want someone coming up to me later down the line, asking why you led them on when you were with me the entire time.”
“You know,” he begins, crossing his arms against his chest. “I keep telling you the same shit like a scratched up record. I like you, and I want to be with you. There won’t be another girl, so that rule is easy for me. The rest—can’t say that they won’t, though.”
“Seungcheol.”
He grins. “I’m kidding. But you know I’ll try for you, baby.”
Why does Choi Seungcheol do that thing where he makes the insides of your stomach feel sick? Is it because he’s absolutely repulsive?
Or is it because he’s actually swooning you?
“Where do you think you’re going?”
You’re left frozen from how close he is. Seungcheol gently brushes his nose against yours, eyes hooded but irises dark and swirling with lust. He manages to steal the breath from your lungs so effortlessly, the cause of you stuttering over your words, and suddenly unable to be crude and blunt because Seungcheol is intoxicating.
Swallowing, you stumble back a bit. Palms resting against the hood of the bright red Audi in your garage—well now his garage, you’re not even sure how you ended up like this. “Uh, to… to my house.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” he counters, furrowing his brows. “You called me a fuckboy, mocked me, then when I act upon those ‘so-called’ talents, that sharp tongue of yours has nothing left to say?”
You clear your throat. “I’m just… Who cages someone after getting their ass roasted?”
He chuckles; it’s deep and hearty from his chest, head dropped down momentarily before his gaze meets back up with yours. “Wanna see how a fuckboy fucks?”
Mouth parted, now you’re really at a loss for words.
Leaning in, he pecks the side of your mouth with a wink before his hands grab the thickness of your thighs and tugs you lower on the hood of the car. With a yelp, you fall back onto your elbows as Seungcheol slides down in between your legs.
You’re debating if you should be thankful you chose a skirt this morning or wishing you had on jeans instead so you’d at least have the self discipline to push him away.
But when he looks like that, he makes it hard to.
“Just tell me if you don’t want this,” he says reassuringly, fingers playing with the hem of your miniskirt. He likes this color on you—beige is so neutral on other girls, but when you strut in it, you bring light to it. “But if you do, and you’ve got your hand covering your mouth to hold in those pretty moans, I’m gonna have to ask you to let go.”
And with that, he disappears in between your legs.
Seungcheol pulls your hips even closer to his mouth, desperately wishing he could live in your pussy forever. You taste sweet; his favorite treat from now on, and when he hears those melodic moans slip between your swollen lips, it causes the hardness in his jeans to twitch.
“Fuck, baby,” he mutters against your wet folds. “I could do this all day.”
From the last time you fucked, Seungcheol makes it clear: he hates when you pull on his hair. There’s nothing worse than someone tugging on your strands, especially when they have no sense of control and end up hurting your scalp. And despite the fact that he enmitizes it, there’s something about you and when your pretty hands are knotted in his ebony locks.
“Fuck,” he says, and at first, it sounded like it was from pleasure of eating you out.
But when he curses the second time, it sounds more like pain.
“Fuck!”
Your eyes flutter open.
“Fuck!”
Fuck indeed.
You were fucking daydreaming.
Seated on the couch in the corner of the garage, you get the best view of Seungcheol. He’s underneath the hood of your car, working on whatever it was that made that weird sputtering sound yesterday, and definitely not underneath your skirt. Just your car.
“Fuck!” he exclaims again. “Are you just gonna sit there and watch me? I knocked over the rod and your hood fell on my head.”
“Sorry!”
Immediately, you’re at his side, lifting the hood while propping it back up with the metal rod. When Seungcheol finally shuffles out, he stands there, puffing with his chest out. You could already imagine all the thoughts that were running through his head because how did you miss that entire incident? “What the fuck was that? I was calling you for like five minutes—you were totally zoned out.”
You roll your eyes. “It wasn’t five minutes.”
“It wasn’t, but it sure felt like it.”
Valid. He was stuck so it probably felt like an eternity.
As he rubs his head with a grunt, you can’t help but get flustered at where your thoughts drove through. Did you really just whip up an entire scenario where Seungcheol was tongue deep between your folds on some stranger’s car? And why the fuck did it feel so realistic?
This thing between the two of you is supposed to end in a fake relationship. No strings attached—no sex, everything kept a secret, and the end goal was to showcase that yes, there are other guys out there that are better than Namjoon and can be a candidate.
Then again, it was hard to hold off your raging hormones when Seungcheol is just fucking standing there in that tight black tee with the fabric of the sleeves snug around his bicep. He’s not even doing anything and yet somehow he’s got your panties wet. Are you exactly like those other bitches? The answer is yes. And you’re more than just embarrassed by it.
He nods his head. “The fuck you thinking about over there? Lost ya for a second,” he reached over to grab the stained rag to wipe off his calloused hands. “You thinkin’ about me bending you over a car?”
Yes.
You know he’s joking, but it’s 100% true. And you’d be stupid to ever admit to it.
“I—Honestly, I’m not going to waste my breath answering that.”
He chuckles, just as thick and honeyed as in your daydream, except he’s the reality of it. For some reason, with how the sunset hits into the garage, he looks… handsome like this. Hues of orange, red, and yellow makes him glow, causing your heart to stutter in its beats for a brief moment. His lashes are long, brushing against the highs of his cheekbones gingerly, pomegranate lips plump and look like they’d be pillowy if you got to press your own against it and you could imagine they tasted just as sweet as the fruit. The injuries he sustained from Namjoon are almost entirely healed, but it complimented him well. He sort of had that bad boy-esque look going for him; the bruised cheek, scar at the corner of his mouth, the leather jacket, and the motorcycle?
You’re a liar if you said that you didn’t want to hop on his dick one more time.
And for some reason, your heart wanted to jump his too.
“Well, you came all the way here to talk to me and not just hang. What did you need from me?”
Right. You came here to ask for another favor. Why are these thoughts plaguing your once-logical brain? You have a MBA for fucks sake but all it took was good dick to scourge sanity with horniness.
“So,” you begin, rolling your lips. It’s intimidating to request this from him, only because you know how much he has to go out of his comfort zone to do it. “The girls and I were talking…”
Seungcheol raises a brow at you drifting off mid-sentence as you lean against the car as coolly as possible—even though he stifles a laugh at the sight. “Stop beating around the bush.”
“They want a weekend getaway at a log cabin by the lake.”
Confused, he puts down the wrench he picks up moments ago with a clang. “With just… you… or? ‘Cause baby, I know I’m your boyfriend, but you don’t need my permission for that.”
With a groan, you throw your head back. “No, no, I’m indirectly asking you to tag along and… be my boyfriend.”
“For the weekend?”
You sigh. “Yeah.”
“With… your friends and their boyfriends?”
Where was he going with this? “Uh, yeah.”
“Alright, cool. I’m down.”
Truthfully, you should’ve known something was up with how easy it was to convince Seungcheol to go.
He’s got a spare helmet in the space behind him on the bike, patting the leather spot reserved for just you while showcasing that dumb cheeky grin on his face. “Hop on.”
“I’m not riding that.”
“Oh come on, you’ve ridden other dangerous things. Take my dick for example.”
You clench your fists by your side but they mean no threat to him. “I’m not riding your stupid motorcycle, Seungcheol. It’s dangerous! What’s wrong with my car?”
He actually has to cover his mouth because he laughed so hard in disbelief. “Baby, that shit is an actual death trap in comparison to my bike. Plus, I’ve always wanted to drive on the road that leads to the cabin. I heard it’s got the freshest air this place has to offer.”
“Again, I’m not riding your bike, Choi Seungcheol.”
Seungcheol is usually a typical fuckboy. Girls, just girls as a whole, is the easiest way to convince him to do something. These days, even when his friends promise the sluttiest girls at the bar, he doesn’t go. Instead, he finds himself in the garage underneath the apartment, in hopes you’d be bored and come down in your little tank top and cartoon fuzzy pj pants and sit to keep him company. He’s gone soft, he sadly admits, but at the same time he doesn’t mind it.
But Seungcheol is still deep down some type of fuckboy.
And when you cross your arms over your chest, pushing up your tits in that bra he suddenly has marked on his list of things that make him happy, he gets a sneak peak of your cleavage in that tshirt.
He’s technically not a fuckboy anymore because he only sees you.
But getting rid of that side of himself that caves into the sight of tits would be hard. Especially when they’re yours.
He’s already packing up the helmets and parking his bike in the garage while snatching the keys to your shitty Toyota off the hook on the wall.
Candidly speaking, he isn’t entirely sure what to make out of this. He knows that whatever it is between the two of you at the moment is just a facade, despite that fact you know the feelings he harbors, but a part of him is perplexed at how easy it is for him to just… give you what you want. Seungcheol doesn’t do that. He’s not the type of guy who gives in without much of a battle.
Everything with you is a new experience for him.
Even driving in a Toyota, for fucks sake, because he’d be caught dead driving in a piece of junk if his parents found out. Or even staying in some cabin on a weekend “getaway” by a lake, which by the way, he’s not even sure what a trip like that entails either. Do people swim in lakes? And if they do, why would they willingly want to bathe in dirty water?
However, the sight of you, so bright and eager when you spot your friends at the door of the cabin (which is oddly way bigger than he imagined), makes all the discomfort go away. It didn’t matter that mosquitoes were going to bite him fourteen times, that he was never going to get the smell of firewood out of his clothes for the next three months, and that if he agreed to swim in that swampy ass water, he’d probably get sucked in by some monster created from all the shit people dumped into the lake. All because his attendance makes you happy, he doesn’t mind it.
That is, until he spots the expression on your face drop and the culprit standing beside Yubin on the second floor balcony.
Seungcheol nudges your side gently. “Did they tell you he was coming?”
The stoic look gives the answer away before you say it. “No, they didn’t.”
Seungcheol slings the bags over his shoulder, trailing behind you and up the creaky wooden steps while praying he doesn’t fall into the abyss if any of the flooring breaks. He doesn’t complain, you note, but you’ll compliment him on it another time.
Namjoon is here, and he shouldn’t be.
“Okay,” Yubin calls out in the middle of the hallway that you’ve stomped your way to. She has her hand out like it would be some type of Captain America shield but it doesn’t do shit. “I know you’re mad, and you don’t want him here—but he made a hefty deposit for this weekend and we can’t just… uninvite him.”
“You could and I would’ve more than gladly covered it.”
“It’s not about that,” she sighs, running her fingers through her hair. “You know I can’t choose between my best friend and my brother. Can’t you at least be civil about it?”
You scoff, brows furrowing while shaking your head. “Did he even tell you that he punched Seungcheol?”
She licks her lips before sinking her teeth into the flesh. “I—No, he didn’t, but I’m sure he had a good reason.”
“Yubin, you realize what you’re saying, right? He swung at my boyfriend.”
“I know, and I—”
You don’t even let her finish. Turning around, Seungcheol stands there with your bags on his shoulder and his own duffle in hand. Abruptly, you grab onto his wrist and lead him down the stairs as Yubin follows behind. “We’re leaving, Cheol, go start the car.”
“But we just got here—”
“Now,” you demand sternly, and Seungcheol straightens his mouth. He wants to tell you to just enjoy the weekend without interacting with Namjoon, especially with how many people are here, but he respects your decision. It’s Namjoon you were trying to avoid, and the only place Seungcheol won’t try to inject his opinions on. “Get ready.”
Before he could step out, Chaeryong blocks him in. “No,” she looks at him then at you. “No,” she emphasizes a second time as she points her finger in your direction. “We’re not doing this. You’re staying. Don’t make Seungcheol drive the two hours back just because of Namjoon.”
“I don’t wanna fucking talk—”
“Then don’t!” she exclaims; it’s almost like she’s finally releasing the frustrations she’s been holding back. “Fuck that, you have your boyfriend right here, so just have a nice weekend with us and him. Sure, Namjoon will be around, but why’s that matter when Seungcheol is here?”
Although Chaeryong makes a good point, you can’t help but feel the blood in your veins boiling when you see him. He swung a fist at Seungcheol, the only person (despite his potty mouth) who actually seemed to listen and respect both you and your feelings all because Namjoon claims that he knew what was “best” for you?
You close your eyes. Inhaling in a deep breath, you release it slowly before easing your lids open to look at Chaeryong. “Yubin let him come, despite knowing how I feel about him.”
“Well,” Chaeryong begins with a forced smile. “That’s a fucked up best friend. Please stay. It’s my last trip as a single woman.”
You quirk a brow. “You’re engaged, Chae.”
“I know,” she jokes, nudging you. “But I don’t know what life will be like after I get married. People change, things change. And I want at least one perfect weekend with the people I’m closest with.”
It wasn’t just her words that sway you, but the look in her eyes. How those chocolate irises are filled with pleas, the fronts of her brows curling up as she says that key word one last time. “Please?”
It’s gonna be a fucking long two days.
Yubin can feel the tension; she knows you’re upset, but what grinds your gears is that she can’t even be bothered to try resolving any of this. She doesn’t seem to understand how you feel, and how her actions only caused a strain in your friendship.
Was she even your best friend?
And what’s worse is that you were so angry, you almost missed all the things Seungcheol was doing that was definitely not something he’s used to.
For one, he mans the grill. He rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, exposing his flexed forearms with his veins popping, you almost lose your train of thought because of him. Truthfully, you’re not even sure if he knows how to cook anything other than a bowl of ramen, and you’re confident he only learned that just to get into a girl’s pants.
Eventually, you realize he’s not that good at it when he drops a perfectly good piece of steak on the ground.
“We should just toss it,” he says, and four of your friends, including yourself, stare at him in astonishment. “What?”
“It’s a $30 piece of steak. We’re just gonna wash it and eat it—how do you just throw away $30 worth of steak?”
Seungcheol shrugs. “It’s… it’s not that much.”
You don’t know Seungcheol that well, but you know parts about him that you’re unsure are worthwhile. For one, he seems to not be able to understand the value of money. He doesn’t talk about his upbringing, but questions begin to flood in your mind on what his childhood was like because how do you think $30 is cheap? Yeah, you knew he had a crush on you and he likes the way you make ramen for him (boil the noodle first, drain the starchy water, add new boiled water with the powder packets in the bag, crack an egg, and add kimchi with two pieces of seaweed), but in actuality, you didn’t know the real Seungcheol. And you sort of want to.
Then again, he isn’t your boyfriend. He’s just someone pretending to be.
But the urge to get to know him is beginning to be hard to swallow. Yet your consciousness remains reliable each time it hits you like a train to bring up one thing you seem to forget when he looks at you in that way: Seungcheol is and always will be a fuckboy.
Maybe staying wasn’t a bad decision after all. When you lean against the railing of the terrace, the breeze flows through your hair coolly and soothes your burning skin temporarily from the summer’s wrath. The sun begins to set in the horizon, the lovely warm shades cast over the cabin’s property—it’s sweet, sort of reminds you of pouring honey in a cup of chrysanthemum tea, the petals infused with the water that boiled in the kettle over a soft fire.
Chaeryong and her fiancé are exactly that.
You spot them a couple miles away, seated on a picnic blanket with Chaeryong’s head on his shoulder as he presses a kiss gingerly on the top of it.
God, when will it be your turn?
You sigh. Chin resting against the palm of your hand, your shoulder drops. Watching them from a distance is just a reminder that you’re single and have been for quite some time. Tinder has been dry—not because your dms don’t get flooded but because you’re exhausted from seeing all those pictures of guys with their shirt in between their teeth while taking a mirror selfie with their abs out on display. Blind dates aren’t fun either. They’re blind for a reason—there’s so many fucking red flags, of course traits are going to be hidden from you. The last time you went on one, the guy claimed to be a surgeon. Turns out, he just loved taxidermy. Just because you know the workings of a knife doesn’t make you a surgeon, Will.
Bars are just for fucking—don’t forget clubs too. Friends of friends just doesn’t sit right—what happens if you break up with them? Wouldn’t that be awkward for the group to hang out again? Not to mention that it feels like the majority of the male population seems to not have a bone in their body with the etiquette and politeness that gentlemen used to have. (Not that you’re looking for an old fashioned man—you just want someone nice and caring).
You’ll continue to find it hard to believe, but speaking of the Devil, Seungcheol approaches from behind and leans up against the railing beside you. “Hey.”
“Hey,” you respond, not even realizing how down you sound. “What’s up?”
He furrows his brows, now concerned. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Seungcheol hisses in annoyance. He reads you like an open book.
“I just—” you grumble midway, rubbing your face with your hand. “Am I ever going to find love, Cheol? Like I’m tired. Worn out. Fatigued. Weary. Drained. Exasperated. Bitter. Indignant—”
“Alright, thesaurus.com. I get it, you’re tired of feeling like you’ll never be loved. But what about me?”
You roll your eyes. “What about you?”
He clicks his tongue. In a moment like this, he yearns for the stick in between his fingers, the head of the cigarette in the corner of his pomegranate pink lips as he drags in a puff to relieve that annoyance you bring to him each time you reject his feelings. He misses the sensation that occurs when he releases the smoke, almost like his filtering the negativity within him while blackening his lungs. It’s a give and take relationship. More than he’ll ever have with you, it seems.
“Baby, how many times do I have to tell you that I like you,” he says irritably, different from the times he’s said it before. “It’s getting exhausting. Tiring. Draining. Fatiguing—”
“Okay, okay,” you wave your hand dismissively at him. “I get it, I’m being a little dramatic.”
“I don’t think you’re being dramatic. But I do think you’re being unreasonable when you think I’m lying when I tell you my feelings.” Oh, how badly he wants a cigarette right now. It’s like talking to the wall when it comes to you.
“Come on, Cheol,” you laugh, turning around to rest your back against the hard metal fence. “You don’t really like me. You like the idea of it—someone who rejects you because they want something more. You don’t get that often and it’s alluring to you.”
His mouth falls agape like a reflex; the apathetic attitude you had toward him when it came to his emotions plagues pain in his chest. It spreads like rapid fire—fist clenching and jaw tensing, it’s almost similar to the rage that heats up inside from when Namjoon’s knuckles aim for his jaw.
But that’s what it was. Just similar.
The fury in him blossoms instead of explodes. With you, he doesn’t feel the urge to be pissed but disappointed felt like a more appropriate term.
Seungcheol scoffs, shaking his head. “I—You know what, I’m done talking to you for tonight. I’m so tired, you know, just trying to tell you straight up that I like you. I don’t know what shit I gotta spit out to make you see that.”
You puff your cheeks. He’s frustrated, you get that, but how do you trust someone who struts around with the label ‘fuckboy’ plastered across his forehead? “You don’t love me, Seungcheol. I think you like the idea—”
“Please, please,” he says in a pleading tone. “Cut that shit out. Tell me, do you wanna hear me tell you that I ‘love’ you before we even get together? That doesn’t go with your ‘love plan,’ does it?”
Heart tightening at his words, guilt suddenly washes over your face. “Cheol—”
“I get that falling in love with me is unconventional—we fucked without even a date, and I’m your fake boyfriend before being your real one. We’re backwards—that’s fine, and I know I’m not necessarily the boy-next-door type of guy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have potential either,” he huffs, pushing his hair back and away from his forehead before shutting his eyes. “Look, I’m gonna walk away now. You take what I say as you will, but I’m wishing, I’m hoping you’d believe me and listen to me just for once. I don’t feel like talking to you right now, so if you will, I’m gonna just—I don’t fucking know—I’ll go talk to the guys. See you back at the room, yeah?”
Fuck. You know you fucked up.
The fact that Seungcheol chooses to go talk to the men that don’t have anything in common with him (including Namjoon) over standing here with you meant more than it seems. He hates those types of guys—the ones that stand there with polo shirts, patterned shorts and gelled slick back hair with a beer in hand talking about work. They didn’t have hobbies outside of golfing and drinking IPAs, and most of the time, blamed their girlfriends for the instability of their relationships (also you will always side with your girls), never taking into account any of their faults.
Seungcheol wasn’t like those guys—and as funny as it sounds, he wasn’t like the other guys.
Did he really like you? Truly like you and not that kind of stuff where you’d go through all the hurdles to get together only for him to get bored. Did he prefer the thrills of chasing or was he into doing mundane things with you like cleaning around the house or hanging up wet laundry? What about the whole thing with Namjoon? Does he need constant competition in order to value you?
What goes on in Choi Seungcheol’s mind?
You can’t really tell, but if you were realistic with yourself, you’d just ask him straightforwardly and he would do his best to answer. Instead, you choose this route instead—watch him from the porch as he tries to adjust himself in a group of people who weren’t like him and probably asked him questions like: “What stocks have you invested in?” “Does your girl like to ride you frontwards or backwards?” “Did you watch the game last Sunday?” and even the classic, “Have you done anal? With any girl?”
Discomfort is evident each time his face twitches; you could only imagine the topic of conversation at hand, and the subtle glances he makes in your direction only fuels the uneasiness that settles in your stomach. He’d rather be stuck in that than to stand here and listen to you turn down what he confesses every time, claiming he’s lying and nothing more or less.
Then that’s when you spot Namjoon tug Seungcheol to the side.
Namjoon seems calm, despite the furrow in Seungcheol’s brow that makes it wrinkle in the spot between in a way you found so cute, but the volume of the words that come out their mouths remain low. You can’t hear anything they say nor decipher the motions of their lips, only their gestures toward each other. Quite frankly, it was the opposite of their previous exchanges. Cool, still slightly agitated, but remaining chill enough that a fight wouldn’t break out.
Even after a refreshing shower, underneath the covers with your back resting against the frame of the bed, that feeling in your gut doesn’t go away.
He hasn’t been back to the room yet. Ever since he came back for a bit to grab a couple of his belongings for a shower, you grow concerned and wonder if he’s going to stay here with you. Was he that mad? Did Namjoon say something? Was it worth bringing up the conversation again? Did he decide to sleep in the living room instead of in this room with you?
Maybe you should go check in on him.
Yeah. Sure, you might not know where you actually stand and if he’s still upset, but you should still check on him. He’s still your fake boyfriend after all.
Right?
Right.
You should, because what kind of fake girlfriend would you be if you just let your fake boyfriend sleep on the couch… right? Just fake. Not real—fake. Right. Fake.
Maybe you wished it wasn’t fake.
Just as you’re about to toss the blanket off your leg, the door swings open.
You swallow.
He stands there, shirtless, with a towel slung over his shoulders as he ruffles it against his hair to get it dry. Why is he shirtless? Just… walking around the house with no shirt on, grey sweatpants hung low enough you could steal a glimpse of his hip bones. Fuck. Fuck!
He sniffles and why your eyes trail down to his abs flexing instead isn’t something you could explain, then when he turns around to lock the knob, it’s almost like a turn on because your pussy clenches around nothing at the thought of something more based off the action.
But no. No. No. You asked for nothing more and you get nothing more.
“Hi,” you speak up, voice hoarse for some reason before clearing your throat and reiterating the greeting once more. “H-Hey.”
Why are you stuttering?
He only looks at you for a brief second before grabbing the pillow on the bed and throwing it onto the floor with a spare blanket. “Hey, baby.”
Baby. He used that pet name on you again. There’s a sense of relief that fans you, and suddenly you feel like everything is okay again, in spite of the fact that he’s shuffling to lay on the floor beside the bed after he switches off the lights.
“Are you still mad?”
“No, love.”
But his back is turned to you.
“You’re mad.”
“I’m not, love. I’m just tired—the guys drained me out. Can’t be talking about stocks, work, and beers all the time. I don’t necessarily got a corporate job to be talking about.”
You’re silent.
He doesn’t say much, and his even breathing isn’t elongated enough to be asleep.
What do you do? You can’t sleep like this. The regret in what you said earlier is gnawing at your insides, and you desperately have this urge to resolve this whole situation or else you’d be staring at the ceiling in the dark.
You gulp. Pushing down all the anxiousness that formulate in your throat, you inhale a deep breath. “Seungcheol?”
“Hmm?”
“Can you come sleep with me?”
← last chapter | next chapter →
#seungcheol smut#scoups smut#s.coups smut#svt smut#svt fanfic#seventeen fanfic#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol x reader#svt x reader#gyukultfics
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Fools Rush In: Chapter 17
Jungkook x Reader
Genre/Rate: 18+, Strangers-to-lovers, age gap!AU (reader is 30, Jungkook is 23), Angst, smut, fluff
Summary: You and Jungkook make things right, and an anticipated moment comes unexpectedly.
Warnings: None to note.
WC: 1.6K
Two days later, you hadn’t been able to get what Yoongi said out of your head. You knew that you needed to speak to Jungkook in order to clear everything up and you wanted to, but you didn’t know how to go about it. Admitting to the man that you love that you had been a selfish jerk isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do.
Yoongi had not only been right about you needing to talk to Jungkook, he had also been right about you pushing away the men that you had previously been with. You spent so long having your every move controlled by your father that you went from that extreme to the next extreme: cutting anyone out of your life the moment that they seemingly tried to ���control” you. You had been so hellbent on being the only one who could dictate what you were going to do that you pushed away men who genuinely cared about you, and you were now doing the same thing to Jungkook.
That fact and the constant Braxton Hicks contractions that you had been experiencing had been the only things that you could think about for the past 48 hours.
“Come on Y/N,” you snapped at yourself as you paced back and forth in front of the couch in your living room. “Just fucking call the man. I mean, how hard can it be? I love him, I think he still loves me, and we’re having a baby together so he’ll definitely answer. Then again, I did leave the fucking country without telling him so I wouldn’t even blame him if he never wanted to hear from me again. God, why is this so difficult?”
After a few more minutes of pacing and giving yourself a pep talk, you had finally mustered up the courage to grab your phone off of the coffee table when you were interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Damn it,” you huffed, turning around and walking over to your front door. Without looking through the peephole, you pulled the door open thinking that it would be Yoongi but your eyes widened when you saw who it actually was.
“Surprised to see me?” Jungkook wondered.
“Oh my gosh,�� you whispered, not knowing what else to do but to slam the door in his face. So that’s exactly what you did.
“You already ran to another country and now you’re gonna slam the door in my face too?!” Jungkook shouted through the door.
“How did you know where I was?” You demanded to know.
“I remembered you saying something about you having a place in Paris so I called Yoongi and he gave me your address,” Jungkook revealed and you had to admit, your heart softened at the fact that he remembered what was a completely random conversation at the time.
“Y/N, please let me in,” he pleaded. “We need to talk and I didn’t come all the way here to do it through a door.” Knowing that he was right, you took a deep breath before pulling the door open again.
“Come in,” you murmured, stepping back in order to allow him to walk inside. Once you shut the door, the two of you walked back over to the couch and sat down together.
“Oh wow,” Jungkook gasped and when you followed his line of vision, you realized that he was looking at your stomach. “They’ve grown.”
“Yeah, they’ve been moving like crazy lately too,” you giggled.
“Everything is going well, though? Your appointments have been good?” He checked.
“Everything’s been great,” you nodded. “I’ve been a little uncomfortable lately with these Braxton Hicks contractions but I’m getting through them.”
“Braxton Hicks?” Jungkook repeated. “Are those the real ones?”
“No, they’re like practice ones,” you explained. “They’re getting my body for the real thing that’s gonna happen in 5 weeks.”
“Crazy to think that it’ll be that soon,” Jungkook smiled.
“I know.”
“Y/N, I wanna start off by apologizing for what happened at the party,” Jungkook began. “I embarrassed myself and you but I didn’t know how else to react.”
“Given what you found out, I don’t even blame you,” you shrugged. “I know how it looked but what happened with Namjoon and I wasn’t even the way it seemed.”
“Then what was it?”
“If I’m being honest, I’ve always known that Namjoon liked me,” you admitted. “I mean, he wasn’t the greatest at hiding it. He never said anything about it though, so I didn’t either.”
“Because you didn’t like him that way?” Jungkook asked.
“Exactly,” you confirmed. “So I was kind of always used to the little flirty comments that he used to say to me and I was used to flirting back. But I was dead wrong for doing that while in a relationship and it’s completely my fault that he even thought he had a chance with me while I was with you. I’m so sorry Jungkook, honestly.”
“I believe you, and I accept your apology,” he smiled softly. “By the way, have you spoken to Namjoon since the night of the party?”
“Yeah, when I called him the next morning to curse him out and then fire him,” you scoffed. “He was completely out of line, especially since he disrespected both you and me. He had to go.”
“Can’t say that I’m not happy to hear that,” Jungkook laughed. “But now I need to know why you just up and left Korea without telling me? Don’t you realize that I was worried sick?”
“After the party and everything, I just needed to get away for a while,” you shrugged.
“That’s not it.”
“Ok, fine,” you relented, taking a deep breath before letting the truth tumble out of your mouth. “I was doing what you wouldn’t have been able to.”
“What?”
“Jungkook, you’re an amazing man and you want to do the right thing but come on,” you said. “You would’ve never had the heart to walk away from this situation. We were only together because I got pregnant, which was a drunken mistake on both of our parts.”
“I never looked at this baby as a mistake and you know that,” Jungkook replied. “You’re the one that did.”
“Well yeah, because having a baby was still at least 5 years away from me when I looked at my personal forecast that I had for my life,” you told him.
“It wasn’t in mines either but I tried to find the good in it because I believe that it happened for a reason,” Jungkook explained.
“Jungkook, look at how this whole thing has upended our lives,” you couldn’t help but to laugh. “What good came of it?”
“I found you,” he stated seriously, and you stopped laughing as you looked at him. “You’re an amazing woman Y/N-ah. You’re determined and accomplished and even thought you can seem like a hardass sometimes, you’re so caring and loving. Plus, I know that you’re going to be the greatest mother to our baby. You use your strength to hide how vulnerable you are and while I can understand and respect that, you’re letting it keep you away from me and the wonderful future that the two of us could build together.”
“God, I feel like such an idiot,” you sniffled, uncontrollable tears now streaming down your face. Seeing this, Jungkook instantly moved closer to you and wrapped one of his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into the side of his body and hugging you.
“Baby, don’t cry,” he whispered. “You are not an idiot.”
“But I am!” You sobbed. “I just didn’t know what to expect once we decided to be together and I didn’t want to be the one who ended up hurt at the end of it and be stuck alone with a baby.”
“That’s understandable Y/N-ah,” he chuckled and you lifted your face from his chest in order to look up at him. “The thing is though, you were so worried about the worst case scenario that you didn’t take time to consider the best case scenario, which was letting me love you.” He took his arm from around your shoulders in order to cup your face in both of his hands, and the two of you stared into each other’s eyes. “Will you let me love you baby?”
“I will, I promise,” you nodded your head rapidly. “I will.” Without another word, Jungkook leant down and kissed you passionately. Neither of you had realized how much you had missed the feel of the other’s lips on your own because before you knew it, 10 minutes had passed with the two of you wrapped up in each other.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologized again. “For the flirting and not believing in us and for always bringing up our age difference in every fight.”
“Hey, stop apologizing so much,” Jungkook laughed as he smiled at you. “Baby, it’s ok and I meant it when I said that I forgive you. I’ve had a lot of time to think over the last two weeks and I decided a while ago that the love I have for you means more to me than any of that.”
“Same here,” you agreed, gasping right after when you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen.
“Is that another one of your practice contractions?” Jungkook asked.
“I-I don’t know,” you mumbled, placing both of your hands on your large bump. “It hurts more than usual.” As you attempted to breath through the pain, you were hit with a wave of pain that wrapped around your hips and shot up through your back.
“Y/N-ah?” Jungkook called.
“I-I think I’m going into labor,” you announced.
“Now?! But you’re only 35 weeks!” Jungkook exclaimed.
“Yeah, well tell that to the pain in my uterus!” You snapped back. “I need to go to the hospital....now.”
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Stereotypical Asian Colored Hair
Came across this post by asianfeed .
While I do agree, as an Asian, that there have been some stereotypical portrayal of badass Asian female characters with colored hair, I think we also have to look at the context and that not every Hollywood films portray them in such a way.
For films like “Pacific Rim” and “Big Hero 6″, the female characters are Japanese. And in Japanese society, they are extremely particular about your dress code in school and workplace that you are not allowed to color your hair.
Rinko Kikuchi as Mako Mori in Pacific Rim (2013)
GoGo Tomago in Big Hero 6 (2014)
Because in Japan, collectivism takes precedence over individualism, as a sign of unity and conformity. Those with “colored” hairs are seen as “different” and “rebellious” as they do not conform to society’s expectations.
So naturally, they are seen as “badass” as they do not care about what others think of them or even care if they cannot fit in into the society, as they are fine going about their lives the way they want to and not dictate by others.
Kasumi Arimura as Sayaka Kudo in Japanese Film, Flying Colors (2015).
She played a troubled student who wants to break free and be different as she gives up being “normal” like everyone else as she feels that she could not fit in to the society which expects too much of her.
Which is why Japanese anime often have characters with different hair colors, as its a way to emphasis on the beauty of their individuality and what makes each of them different and unique.
Even so, there are Japanese characters in Hollywood that do not have the stereotypical hair color.
Haruka Abe as Akiko in Snake Eyes (2021)
Kelly Hu as Yuriko Oyama aka Lady Deathstrike in X-Men 2 (2003)
And there are other non-Japanese Asian characters without the stereotypical hair color.
Ming Na Wen as Melinda May in Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (2013-2020)
Jessica Henwick as Colleen Wing in Marvel’s Iron Fist (2017)
Claudia Kim as Helen Cho in Marvel’s Avengers Age of Ultron (2015)
Olivia Liang as Nicky Shen in CW’s Kung Fu (2021)
Yvonne Chapman as Zhilan in CW’s Kung Fu (2021)
Li Bingbing as Suyin in The Meg (2018)
Jing Tian as Shao Liwen in Pacific Rim Uprising (2018)
Angelababy as Rain Lao in Independence Day Resurgence (2016)
The list goes on but you get the idea, if you’ve watched enough Hollywood films, you’ll realize that not all of them portray a stereotypical badass Asian female with short colored hair, there’s plenty of them with natural long hair as well.
Chloe Bennet as Daisy Johnson in Agents of SHIELD (2013-2020)
Besides, there are Asian women in real life with colored hair too, like Chinese American actress, Chloe Bennet and even the girl bands in Korea like BLACKPINK are hair colored. And I still love them all for who they are, Asians.
To me, I’m happy enough to actually see badass female Asian characters on screen, regardless of their hair color. Because to me, what matters is the character development, personalities and stories that comes along with it.
Of course, this is just my thoughts as I completely understand where the post comes from as everyone wants an actual representation without mixing them with stereotypes. But I guess, we’re off to good a start.
Having said that, go check out Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Like every Marvel film, it’s worth watching and definitely awesome. No, I am not going to spoil it just yet and wait for some time before I put my review!
#shang chi and the legend of the ten rings#marvel#meng er zhang#rinko kikuchi#pacific rim#gogo tomago#big hero 6#kasumi arimura#haruka abe#snake eyes#kelly hu#x-men#ming na wen#agents of shield#jessica henwick#iron fist#claudia kim#age of ultron#olivia liang#yvonne chapman#kung fu#li bingbing#the meg#jing tian#angelababy#independence day resurgence#chloe bennet#blackpink#asian women#my post
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she could be the one | c.b
The house was quiet. The household staff had finished their duties for the day and had blown out the candles, shut the windows and curtains and had migrated down stairs to their quarters. Y/N had forgone the ball occurring that night in Greenwich, choosing to stay home and finish her embroidery.
She looked up from her sewing as something clattered against her window. Y/N frowned, dismissing it as a stray branch and turning back to her sewing but looked up again when something clattered against it again.
Y/N stood up and walked up to her window, pulling back the thin, net curtain and looking out.
Colin Bridgerton, the bastard, was standing in the side garden of the house looking up at her smugly whilst holding a bunch of pebbles in his hand.
Y/N scoffed out a laugh and pulled up her window, opening it wide and poking her head out the window.
“Colin Bridgerton, what on earth?!” Y/N exclaimed, staring at him as if he’d gone insane which, in all fairness, wasn’t a difficult assumption to make considering his seven siblings.
“No one was home,” Colin replied, “minus Hyacinth and Gregory but they're both too engrossed in attacking the other to notice me disappearing.”
Y/N laughed, leaning out her window further. “That doesn’t explain your presence here. In my garden. At night.”
“I missed you,” Colin said, beaming. “And I wondered if we may have a stroll around your surprisingly large garden.”
Y/N gaped at him, astonished by the nerve and gull of the man who was not only her best friend but also the man she’d shared her first kiss with at the start of the season underneath the cherry tree at Hastings House.
“Colin... I-”
“Come on, Y/N/N,” he said, stepping closer to the window and giving her a the smile that made her knees weak. “Please?”
Y/N sighed, clutching the window sill tightly as her knees wobbled. “Alright. I’ll come down.”
Y/N turned around and grabbed her shawl, missing Colin’s celebratory punch in the air. She turned back around and began climbing down from her first floor window, using the rose trellis as a ladder.
Colin’s hands snaked around her waist as soon as she was within arm’s reach and he gently lifted her down onto the ground and spun her around, pressing her back against the wall and kissing her. Y/N’s feet were still yet to touch the ground.
“Colin,” Y/N said, pushing him back slightly and looking at him. “You can put me down, now.”
Colin smirked and gently dropped her to the floor. He leant down and kissed her again, pushing her back against the wall.
“I thought we were strolling,” Y/N replied, smiling, pushing him back again. She reached out and entwined her fingers with his. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
Y/N began walking, gently tugging Colin’s arm so that he followed after her.
The gardens of Chantry House - Y/N’s childhood home - were even bigger then those at Bridgerton House. The central feature was the fountain at the centre of the garden with a statue of young woman holding a water pot in the middle. Behind it, through the cherry trees and behind the hedges was a beautiful white marble pavilion.
Y/N lead Colin around the fountain, through the trees and behind the hedge and walked up the stairs and came to a stop in the centre of the pavilion.
“No one will see us here - unless they come back early, that is,” Y/N explained, pulling Colin close and grabbing his other hand. “It’s also about to rain so, I thought we could hide in here.”
Colin frowned. “How do you know it’s going to rain?” He asked, letting go of Y/N’s hand and resting it on her waist.
“You can smell it in the air,” she replied, fiddling with his collar. “Petrichor - the smell of dust after rain. It travels on the wind from where it’s rained which means its coming this way.”
Seconds after she finished speaking, the roof above them began being battered by heavy rain, the wind blowing stray drops inside the pavilion. Y/N sighed happily, tilting her head back as the late summer heat broke and the wind swept away the humidity and heavy air.
Colin smiled at her as she spun in a circle, his eyes focused solely on her and nothing else. He’d become known as a flirt and a bit of a rake over the years and almost any woman he laid eyes on knew he was there for a short time and not a long one.
But when he looked at Y/N... he felt as if his world was complete. As if he had no need to travel in search of fulfilment because it was right in front of him. Because his fulfilment was her.
The thing he'd spent so many months travelling to find had been in London the entire time and he just hadn't realised it until their stolen kiss under the cherry tree back in May. Ever since then he’d needed her in his life. Needed her smile, her laugh - the way her eyes lit up whenever she spoke about history and museums and anything else she liked.
He needed her like he needed air to breathe.
“What?” Y/N asked, finally noticing the way Colin was staring at her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Colin smiled and shook his head fondly. “Nothing, darling. You just look beautiful tonight. You look beautiful every night.”
Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and swished the skirt of her dress. “Why thank you, Mr Bridgerton.”
The gardens lit up as a flash of lightning cracked across the sky followed by the low rumble of thunder echoing above. Y/N smiled and grabbed Colin’s hand, pulling him closer.
“Can I interest you in a dance, Mr Bridgerton?” Y/N asked, taking the lead - a move usually reserved for men in a dance.
Colin let out the cutest giggle that didn’t sound like it could possibly come from him - the handsome, tall third Bridgerton brother. “Of course, Miss Y/L/N.”
Colin took up the women’s position in a waltz whilst Y/N took up the man’s. Y/N softly hummed under her breath the traditional rhythm for a waltz and the two began dancing around the pavilion, the rain being forced in by the wind and causing the two to get damp as they spun around.
Y/N giggled as Colin spun her away, spun her back to him and took up the normal pose of a waltz, taking the lead.
It wasn’t often that they were allowed to be alone - society and tradition dictated that there should always be a chaperone around should a man and woman want to be alone. But the intimate moments between her and Colin - when no one else was around and it was just the two of them in a dark corner of a ballroom or in the centre of a maze.
Dancing with him in the middle of the night, in the rain was magical. Y/N, dressed in nothing more than her morning dress, barefoot with her hair down, felt free. No one was watching her. It was just Colin’s eyes on her.
Colin had lost his jacket when he’d walked into the pavilion and had rolled up his shirt sleeves, exposing his forearms. They both felt free and away from the piercing eyes of the Ton.
Colin put his hands on Y/N’s waist and lifted her up into the air, spinning her around and the gently setting her on the ground again, the two impossibly close.
“Y/N,” Colin said softly, their foreheads touching, “I -”
The sound of a carriage rattled past the back gate and Y/N lurched away from Colin, her eyes wide.
“Oh, that’s -” She turned around in a circle and spotted Colin’s jacket and threw it at him. “My parents. You should go, Col, or... well, god knows what your brothers will do to me.”
Colin laughed. “Alright, I’ll go, but not after a kiss.”
Y/N shoved Colin out of the pavilion and stood on the top of the stairs, leaning down and kissing the tip of his nose.
“There,” she said, stepping down until she was on the path. “Now, go.”
Without giving him a chance to argue, Y/N dashed off down the garden path in the direction of the back door before her parents returned and found her in the garden with Colin Bridgerton.
Colin stared after her a stupid grin on his face. Anthony was going to be in for a shock when he got home that night. Colin Bridgerton was finally ready to settle down with the woman who had become his world.
#bridgerton#bridgerton imagine#colin bridgerton x reader#colin bridgerton#bridgerton x reader#imagine
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can you give me muggle jily recs pleaaseeee <3 :D
HOW MANY HIGH-QUALITY MUGGLE JILY FICS ARE THERE?? TOO MANY TO COUNT. *cracks knuckles* BUT I am here for the challenge. Jily AUs are my JAM.
Again, shoutout to our amazing @jilyarchive friends who tag every wonderful muggle jily au they come across. here is the link that will take you to their tags page. You'll find links to specific tropes and AUs :')
I've searched through my own AO3 bookmarks and history tabs, and I present to you 28 jily muggle fics that I LOVE. I am THRILLED thinking about all the good things in store for those that read these wonderful stories. This list took me ages to make because I went through and reread most of these brilliant fics. Happy reading !! xx
properly improper by @lizardcookie
“Marry me,” Mr. Potter repeats, closing the distance between them by striding back up towards the sofa, only to stop and crouch to one knee right there at her feet, looking up at her. Burning. “Pick me,” he elaborates. “Pick me, choose me, love me instead.”
- this fic is the reason why I comment the way that I do (spoiler it's because it's amazing)
The Wedding Ring by @mppmaraudergirl
What is undeniably worse than attending your sister's wedding looking as desolate and forgotten as a wilted houseplant? Drunkenly ringing your ex-boyfriend and asking him to be your date.
- SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE PERFECTION
Oh my god, they were ROOMMATES by @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world
Silly one-shot, Muggle AU with Fem!Jily as pining roommates and Marlene as their matchmaker.
- the fic that brought me back to jily and inspired my deep obsession of fem!jily
Swipe Right, Swing Left by @downn-in-flames
The unspoken rule of using dating apps in D.C. is that you always start with where you work.
James Potter, it seems, never picked up on that one.
- giddy just thinking about this gem
'Tis the Damn Season by @petalstofish
It doesn't feel like Christmas for Lily Evans, not after losing her parents to COVID before the Holiday season. She anticipates spending Christmas all alone until a boy from her past shows up and offers her a mutually benefiting deal that has her calling him 'babe' just for the weekend. 'Tis the damn season, after all.
- cries in respect for lyrical writing
Watch Me Unwind by @maraudersftw
Lily Evans hates her job, hates the bigoted customers she has to serve as a bartender at the richest club in the city. But the one person who makes bearing all of it worth it has someone else in his arms tonight. (Rated: M)
- obsessed with the way the plot jumps around the time line in this
oil be there for you by @abby10fanfic
Texting/Social Media AU: Lily and James haven't spoken for 2 years. But that's all about to change thanks to Peter and his involvement in an essential oil pyramid scheme. Featuring boss babes, toxin-free lifestyles, binding contracts, and a very oily journey.
- YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW FAB THIS IS
a matchmaking mission by @downn-in-flames
James Potter has a mission: get Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to finally admit that they both fancy the pants off each other by Valentine's Day.
His partner in crime? Lily Evans, Remus' flatmate, who he also happens to be slightly in love with
- DOUBLE the amount of pining idiots in love :")
about time by @jilyss
'sure, yeah, I can accompany you to that black tie event for your work tonight. wait. why are we on a red carpet?'
- this is my emotional comfort fic, your honor
whiskey business by @elanev91
Sirius Black has a (bad?) habit of picking up hobbies that take over his and James' flat -- this most recent one? Homemade vodka that James now has to try and peddle to everyone in the building.
- hysterical! must read!
Fashion Disaster by @maraudersftw
James Potter is roped into an awful dare by his best-mate, which involves him wearing atrocious pieces of clothing for all days until Christmas as dictated by Sirius. If this wasn't terrible enough, he now has to contend with his maddening crush on the beautiful saleswoman at the clothing store.
- classic hijinks that I live for
it wasn't a pity invite by @elanev91
Part of the December "Winter Tropes" Jily challenge. Prompt: my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and omG i’m so sorry
- awkward Christmas date that owns my heart
spice and honey by @clare-with-no-i
tagging along with her food reporter sister to profile James Potter, London's hottest young chef, is not how Lily Evans pictured her Monday going - especially if he's anything like Petunia’s described.
needless to say, she's in for a whirlwind at Chez Maraudeur.
- I'm one re-read away from printing this out and putting it on my bookshelf.
Waffle Wars by @elanev91
There's only one waffle maker in the dining hall and it literally always breaks. So, naturally, the only reasonable course of action is to meticulously map out when it's working and, ultimately, do a heist.
- the witty narration in this fic can not be matched
You Can Hear It In The Silence by @alrightginger
Lily is non-verbal and deaf in a world where the things your soulmate says about you end up written on your skin. She has known about her soulmate since she was seven, but knows they don't have a clue she exists and possibly never will.
- exquisite, cue me sobbing forever
out the window by @displayheartcode
A new family moves to Ottery St Catchpole.
- everything I could ever want in a fic, forever in my mind rent free
The Christmas Guest by @thegodmachine
An Evans Family Christmas: Petunia is bringing her fiancé and Lily is bringing her…Friend…
- petunia pov that gives me WINGS
Football, Calculus, and Cappuccinos by @moonawrites
At eighteen years old, James Potter has a lot going on. He's a rising star navigating the politics of professional football, the pitfalls of sudden fame, the fallout from choosing his dream over his father's company... and a serious crush on the red headed new barista at his favourite coffee shop.
- I'm still working my way through this fic, but trust me when I say its a GEM
if u like pina coladas by @zephyrcove
Lily is desperate for a date to Petunia's wedding, James has been pining, and their friends meddle ;)
- explain to me how characters can be so perfect via texting fics?
Shelf Awareness by @ghostofbambifanfiction
It's too far out of her way and she's wasting so much money, but Lily can't help but return to the bookstore every weekend, where her passion for good literature has, perhaps, been unexpectedly reignited by the messy-haired, pun-making, rather handsome bloke who works there.
- you absolutely must know that I binge read this and then immediately REREAD it
How to win a witch in 10 days by @adenei
“She’s going to find some unsuspecting wizard, get him to fall for her, and then do all the things that turn men away to get him to break things off! Won’t it be the best way to see what witches do that drives men crazy?” But what happens when the man in question is a blast from Lily Evans's past? A Jily Magical AU based on the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."
- fic based off of a rom com? YES PLZ :’)
The Fight Before Christmas by @ghostofbambifanfiction
The heartwarming Christmas tale of Lily Evans and James Potter - two plucky kids who hated one other, until the day they really, really didn't.
- complete sucker for this one
All This Time by @thejilyship
James and Lily grew up next door to one another. Their bedroom windows giving them glimpses into the others life, and also offering prime opportunities to argue with each other over every little thing. They never figured out how to be friends when they were kids, but now that they've graduated from college and are home for the summer, they have a second chance to get things right.
- one of my favvvv tropes
Let Me Love You by @thejilyship
With only a month until she's set to take the throne of Gryffindor, Lily is informed that she'll have to get married or choose to give up her throne. She never thought she'd have to even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. Enter, James Potter.
- cries in princess diares AU
The Fabulous Baker Brothers by @frustratedpoetwrites
Lily walks a different route home from work and stumbles upon a cute little Bakery with an even cuter baker in the window.
- yes yes yes to embarrassed pining.
Marigold Mornings by @mppmaraudergirl
This is a fun game she thinks, as she removes her hand from his side and reaches up to run it down his chest. He catches her hand in his own, takes a step forward so that her nose nearly brushes against his shirt. She can feel the heat radiating off of him—or maybe it’s from her. He licks his lips and her eyes are drawn to the motion. She knows it is a bad idea, absolutely knows it.
- incredible storytelling featuring dynamic characters :') a favvv
Welcome to Pettyville by@women-inthe-sequel @alrightginger
When Lily Evans accidentally sends a text to the wrong number, she isn’t expecting to find the right person behind it. She can’t stop talking to Prongs. The only thing is, Prongs can’t stop talking about the girl in his class. What could go wrong, other than the number?
- LOVE SQUARE ANYONE
The Kiss a Stranger Project by @alrightginger
“What’s your name, then?” she asks, realizing they haven’t even properly introduced themselves yet. She nervously crosses her arms.
You shouldn’t kiss a guy without knowing his name first.
Right?
- THIS ONE WILL LIVE IN MY MIND FOREVER
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