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endlessly-searching-for-you · 5 years ago

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There’s Always Another Summer

It all started on La Huerta, and it all ended here—or so it seemed. After Taylor used her connection to Vaanu to help Rourke, the whole world had been changed, and the change was not for the better. Finding her way in the dystopian empire, she tries to reconnect with her friends, build a relationship with her newfound family, find the love she had lost… and change the fate of an entire planet once again.

Chapter 1: All Gone Wrong

Masterlist / Chapter 2 »

A/N: Ah, where do I start? I first got the idea in July, in La Huerta tapas bar (no kidding), and it was supposed to be a series of drabbles/one-shots. But you know how these things go, and now it’s full series. If I ever finish it. (If I don’t, ping me. Seriously! I already know how it ends, why shouldn’t you)

The story starts after the events of Rourke’s ending, and it’s focusing on friendships and adventure rather than romance. It’s still based on my playthrough, where Taylor married Jake, so if you don’t like these two together, I’m sorry. If you do, I’m sorry.

Some parts were written in my first language and translated into English. I tried my best to find and fix any mistakes that happened in the process (and believe me, I won’t do it again, it’s twice the job), but if you see something I missed, feel free to tell me (that’s how I learn!). All mistakes are mine and mine alone. All characters (sadly) belong to Pixelberry. I’m just borrowing them for an eternity while.

Tags: @brightpinkpeppercorn @zaffrenotes @politicallycorrectinnocentteen @ifyouseekheart; thanks for the vote of confidence guys! I hope you either enjoy it or forgive me ;-) happy Thanksgiving, or just happy Thursday!

It’s all gone wrong Heaven hold us Where do we go When it’s all over? — Raign

To say things were bad, was to say nothing at all. It didn’t seem that way at first. Sure, the world would have been better without Rourke calling himself the emperor, but on the outside, things looked good. The sun was still shining, the sky was still blue, people still lived, loved, laughed. You couldn’t see something was wrong until you started digging. One day you could hear your neighbor murmuring some angry words at the government; the next, everyone pretended they never existed. If you knew who to ask, you could learn some rumors about friends-of-my-second-cousin who went into service and never came back. Or even darker stories about those who did—and weren’t the same people anymore.

And it was all Taylor’s fault.

There wasn’t a day when she didn’t regret her decision. Time after time, Rourke proved they shouldn’t trust him, and she still took his offer. What little powers she had, she gave up for a promise of a better life. All because Jake asked. That night was forever ago, but the look on his face kept haunting her. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his blue eyes looking at her pleadingly, cheeks wet with tears—please, it would mean everything to me. He hated the guy’s guts and still begged her to go with his plan. She could, and should have, said no. She didn’t.

Not that there was much she could do, anyway. Yes, agreeing to Rourke’s plan wasn’t their only option. They could stay on the island and watch the world burn, or—she felt a pang of guilt—she could save them all by sacrificing herself. It would be the right thing to do, one life exchanged for billions of others. Movie heroes wouldn’t hesitate. Hell, even Mike didn’t, just moments earlier. Maybe if she was a better person...? No! No, one thing for sure, she wasn’t a selfish monster—at least that’s what she kept telling herself. It was just hard to believe it anymore.

“Nevermind,” she thought, shaking her head. What’s been done has been done, and thinking about what could have been was a waste of time. The world was full of people who signed up without reading the fine print, Taylor wasn’t the first, and she certainly wouldn’t be the last one. And as much as she hated to admit it, Rourke kept his end of the deal—kind of. Her friends might not remember her, but at least they were safe. Jake got Mike back, and they were both alive, just far from being fine. And she... she got the family she always wanted.

A brief smile crossed Taylor’s lips. Family. It was surprising, but Rourke did a great job picking her parents. They seemed like one of the good ones, and she sometimes wondered who they really were. Did he know them before it all happened? Were they a figment of his imagination that came true? Either way, it was easy to believe they were related. She somehow seemed to have both of her parents’ qualities combined; her father’s easygoing attitude and (a bit too short) temper, her mother’s charm, wit, and overprotectiveness. Even their appearance was on point, from the messy hair of her father to her mother’s calm smile. There were photos of their three together, keepsake boxes, scrapbooks, and the new memories of a happy childhood.

It was a beautiful picture, indeed. Only when the first excitement faded away, Taylor realized there was hardly anything more than that. There was no meaning and no depth behind the picture. A psychopath like Rourke wouldn’t know the difference, but she did. The most important things—love, affection, trust—were missing. No matter how hard she tried, how badly she wanted to believe it was all real, it didn’t work. Finally, one day, she snapped and tried to tell her parents the truth. Okay, she had to admit, maybe the Sunday dinner wasn’t the best time to do it—but there would never be a good time for it anyway. It didn’t go too well, and now that she thought about it, she couldn’t tell what she expected. Even Diego didn’t believe her story, why would they be different?

“Are you still with me, Taylor?”

She blinked a few times. Where was she? Ah, yes, the weekly therapy session. The argument caused her parents to show the first real emotion in months: fear. It wasn’t that surprising. The fact they weren’t afraid of her, but for her, was. Maybe they did care, after all. They didn’t report her to the thought police, or whatever name Rourke gave to his force; they brought a professional who was supposed to help.

“I’m sorry. I—it’s hard for me to talk about it.” God, when did she learn to lie like that? Ever since she realized her therapist was one of the people who loved the sound of their own voice, she spent their sessions daydreaming about one thing or another. The chatter was merely background noise, and all she did was coming up with a generic response when it stopped. No wonder the therapy wasn’t working at all.

“Ah, that’s understandable.” The therapist shot what was probably supposed to be an encouraging smile, but actually reminded Taylor about a giant barracuda. “As I said, the brain can create false memories, especially after traumatic events. It tries to protect you and replaces the painful memory with a fake one. It could be anything. Something from a book you have read, or a movie—”

Oh, if only you knew, Taylor smiled bleakly at the round-faced woman. It would have been a hell of a lot easier if it was just a book or a movie, or even something entirely made up by her imagination. Yes, her brain made up things to fill the void, only it wasn’t what they all thought. It made up all things that made her human. How was she supposed to live with that? She dropped her head and stared at her worn-out shoes when a sudden realization hit her like a hammer. Hell, her brain made up her own name. From a freaking sneaker label. How come she didn’t see it earlier?

Suddenly, she was ripped out of the office, hurtling through space and time, and when she opened her eyes, all she could see was red. She doubled over in pain, touching her forehead to her knees. She felt something sticky, and to her horror, realized it was blood. It was in her eyes, on her hands, her legs, the warm sand, everywhere—

“What’s your name?” She heard a faint whisper, and a weak hand grabbed her arm.

I can’t remember! She wanted to scream, but no sound came out. I don’t know. My name? Do I have one? I don’t think so. Should I? She lowered her head again, trying to stop it from spinning, and then she saw it. Yes. Might as well be it. Chuck doesn’t seem like a girl’s name, but—

“Taylor. My name’s Taylor.”

“I’m—” the hand she was holding went limp, and she knew it was over. Whoever it was, they were gone, and she didn’t even get to know their name. Gone, just like that. She looked around and realized they were all dead. Twelve young people, with their whole lives ahead of them, were now gone for good.

She was on her own.

Taylor gasped for air, and the sudden pain in her chest brought her back to reality. A small drop of blood fell onto her shoes, and she felt sick. It was just a flashback, a memory of a life that wasn’t even entirely her own—but it was too much. She pushed the chair, murmured an apology, and ran from the office. Air. She needed some air, stat, or else she’ll throw up. Everything seemed to blur in a hurry—

“Hey, watch out!”

“Oof! I’m so sorry!” Taylor steadied herself against the wall and took a deep breath. She recognized the voice, red hair, blue eyes, even the white shirt was the same. “I didn’t see you. Really sorry about that. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. My coffee, that’s another story. What—” The redhead gasped. “Oh, God. You’re bleeding.”

“It’s nothing. A little bloody nose, that’s all. I’m sorry about your coffee, Quinn.”

“Wait.” The redhead drew her brows together. “How did you know my name? Have we met?”

“Yeah. The first day of uni, by the fountain, remember me? I didn’t make the best first impression, I’m afraid.” Taylor chuckled, relieved. “And now I completely blew the second one. Why don’t we go to the cafe across the street and I’ll make it up to you. You know, third time’s the charm? Please?”

Quinn’s face fell. “I can’t. I have an appointment with Dr. Andrews.”

“I just left her office, and let me tell you, she sucks.” Taylor winced. “Big time. Please? I won’t tell anyone. And if you want to talk, I’m a good listener.”

“Ah, to hell with it. After you!” Quinn laughed, and they ran down the hallway, giggling like two fifth-graders skipping classes. They were already at the door when she stopped and looked over her shoulder with a frown. “Crap! She saw us.”

“Who?”

“My friend. Michelle. She’s an intern here.”

Taylor turned to look at another familiar face. With her white coat and hair tied into a high ponytail, Michelle looked almost like her older counterpart from Vaanu’s ember of hope. At least one of us is making her dreams come true, she thought with a smile. “Don’t worry. This one’s on me. If she gives you any trouble, you know who to blame!”

She was right about the third time being better than the previous two. They had one coffee, then another one, a few cupcakes, talked, laughed... almost as if they knew each other their whole lives.

“There you are! Why don’t you answer my calls?” Diego dropped into the chair and looked at them with reproach. “I finally got the perfect title! What do you think about Endless Summer—”

“Hello to you, too!” Taylor sneered and gestured across the table. “Diego, this is Quinn. Quinn, this is Diego. He’s my best friend. And we... kinda write a book together.”

“A graphic novel, actually.” He protested. “And it’s Taylor’s idea, only she says she couldn’t put two words together even if she tried. Now, I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good at it.”

“Yeah, only we don’t know anyone who can draw.”

“Actually... I can,” Quinn smiled broadly. “Well, I mostly paint, but I’m always up for a challenge. I can show you a few of my works... if you want me to?”

Taylor shared a look with Diego, and they both nodded vigorously. She pulled a sketchbook out of her backpack and handed it to them, blush rising up on her cheeks.

“I never showed this to anyone. Please don’t laugh. It’s just... I’m having these strange dreams, and I don’t want to forget them...”

They both stared at a picture of an impossibly enormous tree rising into the sky. There was a whole city carved into its side. Little huts perched on the branches and the wooden bridges hung between them, held together by vines. Diego inhaled sharply, and Taylor felt tears welling up in her eyes. Quinn remembered. The memories were buried deep within her, but they were there.

“Quinn...” She squeezed her hand gently. “Do you know what this is?”

“No. As I said, it’s from a dream. I can’t remember the name... I thought it was Yggdrasil, you know, the Norse tree of life? But it’s not that. It’s something similar, but when I wake up, I can’t remember it anymore.”

“Elyystel.” Diego recovered his voice. “Taylor, that’s gotta be the tree city you told me about. Quinn, you’re a genius. Welcome on board!”

#endless summer #endless summer fanfiction #playchoices fanfiction #long post

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ginnyzero · 5 years ago

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Completely Harmless Ch. 3

Completely Harmless An SSO SilverGlade Re-imagining Story (Or Fix it Fan Salt fic) By Ginny O.

When Lily and her friends wanted to buy horses and were directed to the Silverglade Manor and its myriad of problems, they didn’t expect to start a revolution. They were just a bunch a stable girls. Completely harmless. Right?

A/N: Things are only canon if I say they’re canon. Pre-Saving the Moorland Stables compliant for the most part. Posted in its entirety on my website. Posted in 2000 to 4000 word bits here. Rated T for Swearing Word Count 177,577

Chapter Three Forming a Club

That evening, when four girls rushed out to coo over the new horses, as the first to be excited about the Jorvik Warmblood Sports, they were the first invited to join the new club. There was Elsa, Brittany, Theresa, and Stacy. That made 13 club members and while Melody muttered about it being unlucky, Lily thought it was a fine number.

That night at their bunks, Lily warned them in a low voice about the Baroness’ expectations for their uniform. But no one seemed upset, it wasn’t pink. So, they pooled their money and the next morning right after breakfast, they went and registered their club with the Club Manager.

Then, all ten girls, ambushed Thomas again.

Justin saw them, bent over and tried not to bust his gut laughing.

“Mr. Moorland, Mr. Moorland,” they said speaking over each other.

“Girls, girls!” Thomas held up a hand. “One at a time.”

Lily spoke first then. “Mr. Moorland, our friends they want to buy horses too. And the horses at the Equestrian Center are ever so friendly and so nice that I hoped to take them over to have a look if that’s okay with you. If those horses aren’t bought, something awful is going to happen. I just know it.”

Thomas face turned dismayed.

“There’s too many of them this year, you see,” Regina explained.

“Too many?” He breathed. “What has she been up to?”

“And Mr. Moorland,” Grace said. “Poor Tyra, she’s plum overwhelmed she is. With no one but her and maybe Pauline and Linn to clean out the stables. But Linn might be needed at the Arena early.”

Jennifer smiled. “We thought we’d go and help.”

Thomas sputtered. He looked back and forth between all the girls and if Lily didn’t know better, she thought he was about to cry. “Why girls, that’s, that’s the nicest thing that I ever did hear. You go on. I’ll phone Linda and tell her that you’re coming. She’ll be so pleased.”

“Thank you, Mr. Moorland,” they chorused and headed in a large group at a trot.

Lily made certain to wave at a very baffled Tan and Loretta.

So, they were a large group that showed up at the manor with the early morning sun beating down on their black helmets and hard to tell apart in their red orange t-shirts.

Linda waved at them and rubbed her forehead. “Um, well, hi! Uh, I wasn’t expecting a horde. Mr. Moorland said a few.”

“A few is more than three,” Elsa said in a monotone type of voice.

Jennifer made a point to look around at all the people leading their horses about or riding through the manor grounds from one place to another.

Linda smiled broadly. “Well, I appreciate it. I do. Judy and the girls know where everything is.”

Tyra rounded the corner of the stable. Her jaw dropped. “You, you came back!”

“We said we would,” Abigail beamed at her.

Behind her, Linn and Pauline almost ran into her back.

Lily waved the paper. “And we have paperwork!”

Pauline squealed and hugged Linn jumping up and down.

“Pauline, can’t breathe,” Linn mock gasped.

Tyra lit up. “Well, we keep all our equipment in this shed by the back wall.”

“She calls it a shed,” Linn rolled her eyes.

“So, if we can get all the outside chores done quickly, the inside will be done that much faster!” Tyra said and then glared at Linn. “For this place, it’s a shed.”

“Well, where should we put the horses?”

“Hmm, better keep them in the garden area for now,” Tyra gestured.

“These four want their own horses,” Regina put her arms around two of the four new girls. “So, we’ll go take care of that.”

Tyra nodded and the rest of them headed off towards the back wall, where there was as Tyra said a smaller building. It was not by any definition of the term a shed. It was based on a small Roman temple and there was a big engine right behind it.

“This is our tool shed cum hay dryer. If one of you can get some oil from the big drum behind the table near the transport,” Tyra started.

“On it!” One girl saluted, grabbed the oil can and ran off.

“I’ll help,” said another and ran after her. “It’ll be heavy.” They ran between what looked like a string of greek revival houses strung together to make an inn or something and the stable wall.

“And if we move this dry hay over to the stables, we can heave it up to the top floor.”

More girls volunteered.

Tyra opened the door and passed armfuls of shovels, pitchforks, buckets filled with hoof picks and brushes to the girls. “These really should be moved to the tack room, but it’s not secure. Once these are out, we can fill this back up with hay and let the hay dryer do its job while we clean.”

Hoses were dragged out.

Buckets got filled. They pitchforked, they shoveled, they cleaned the stable down to the floor, made sure every feed rack and water trough was filled and the horses brushed out and their hooves cleaned. They pulled out the mats, and hung them on the fence of the Northern Paddock. They had to cross a bridge to do it, but they couldn’t have the mats out in front of the Manor, now could they? They hosed them down, and left them to dry. The hose actually went that far, a miracle. They had to crank it out.

All the while they talked about the Equestrian Center and what they wanted out of their club. They didn’t have a choice about the uniforms, purple it was for colors. But they couldn’t decide on a name.

“They had to take the good ones.” Regina scowled.

“Something will turn up,” Lily said and wiped her brow with the back of her arm. “It always does.”

By the time they were finished with everything, the mats had dried so they were able to return them to the stables and put out fresh hay from they had they’d just thrown up into the loft!

The thirteen girls looked over the stable in satisfaction. It hadn’t been so clean in months.

“I think we can be proud to have horses in here again,” Linn said.

Her phone buzzed. She groaned. “Ugh, Sabine. She wants someone to time her at the Arena. Later!”

“I think we should be Silver something.”

“Foxes?”

“Do you see any foxes around here?”

“Silver is a good idea. I think the Baroness would like that,” Tyra said. “Uh, have you told her yet?”

“Um, no, we wanted to have a name.”

“And uniforms.”

“And uniforms,” several agreed.

“I mean, not to be pushy on her, but it might be better if we looked ready to follow her rules.”

“That’s actually a great idea.” Tyra nodded. “So, have you talked to Mr. Moorland about switching stables?”

“We told Mr. Moorland we were helping.”

“One thing at a time!”

Jennifer clapped her hands. “Recon!” She said.

“Um, she means we need a tour. See what we have to work with to make this a premiere riding club.”

“Ohhh,” Tyra nodded slowly. “All right, gotcha. Well, we have the best space for club meetings, the Baroness lets the Silverglade Club use her rooftop mezzanine garden. If it’s cold or too rainy, we can camp out in her library.”

“Books!” One girl squealed.

“Let me show you!” Tyra raised her arm and pointed. “Vamanos!”

They walked in a big group past the front the huge manor and around the corner.

One girl gasped. “Why, why is the fountain dry?”

“Bad pipes,” Pauline sighed. “Really, really bad pipes.”

There was a large empty reflecting fountain between the manor and the other large building.

“That’s the winery itself, there’s supposed to be a tapas bar, tourist shop type of thing in it. But um, staffing troubles. Underneath is all the controls for the machines and the kegged wine. Plus the really good stuff from other vineyards and the best Silverglade vintages in a temperature and humidity controlled safe. They take it very seriously.” Tyra said.

“What’s that?” Grace asked pointing at yet another building that was again sort of near the back wall of the manor.

“Oh, well, it’s supposed to, um, not sure.” Tyra scratched her head. “Pauline?”

“Gazebo?”

“Looks like a temple to me,” Theresa said.

“Well, no one uses it.” Tyra shrugged. “Could be anything. Here we are,” she said. She opened a side door. It led to a side foyer that had beautiful doors leading off in all three directions, they all had glass and were probably locked, and the staircase. She led them up a stair case that turned every ten steps.

The girls oohed and aahed at the view.

“Why does no one use this?”

“There was some noise about making it a full service restaurant, but nothing ever came of it.” Pauline said.

Lily leaned against the north east corner and looked out. “You said GED was here illegally? Why can they pump then?”

“The Baroness contacted her son Aaron,” Tyra explained.

“Because Anastasia isn’t good for anything,” Pauline muttered.

“And he hasn’t gotten back yet. And she’s so busy, she can’t go check on him herself.”

“He’s a bit useless if you ask me.” Pauline added.

Lily frowned. She turned around and rested her elbows on the roof edge. “If we’re going to make this the best stable in the area, then we’re going to have to get things moving around here.”

“Oh come on, Lily. What can we do?” Grace rolled her eyes.

“Get some chairs up here for one,” Stacy said.

“We told Mr. Moorland that we were going to help the Baroness out. We didn’t say how long that would take.” Lily said.

“No more Loretta!” Abigail shouted.

“And after a couple of days, we can sweet talk him into letting us leave so not to wear out the horses going to and fro,” Regina pointed out. “By then, we can make ourselves indispensable to the Baroness.”

“Find a mechanic. Find a gardener. Find a bartender and a chef,” Lily pressed her fingers down on her hand. “Get in touch with Aaron and find out what’s going on with those rigs.”

“Find out what is going on with those rigs period,” Regina said. “They’re in our territory now.”

Grace groaned. “We are going to get so in much trouble.”

“Look, we’re a bunch of airheaded stable girls helping out,” Abigail fluttered her eyelashes. “We’re nothing but a bunch of school aged teenagers. What harm could we be?”

Regina cracked her knuckles.

Grace sighed.

“All right. But I want a plan,” Jennifer said. “A good one.”

“Step one,” Lily said. “Find out where we can buy the uniform that the Baroness wants.”

“And definitely get some muck pants and new t-shirts for cleaning out,” Abigail made a face.

Tyra raised her phone. “It’s at a shop in Silverglade Village.”

“Does this Silverglade Village have an actual café,” Stacy asked.

“Yep,” Pauline grinned.

“Then have Linn meet us there and let’s do lunch!” Lily said.

“To the horses!” Jennifer pointed and charged away.

The four new girls took the camp horses back to Moorland before swinging back to meet them on the outskirts of Silverglade village at an outdoor café. They claimed the chairs and pushed tables together hunching over their pizza slices and sodas. They bent their heads over their phones and tried to hash out a plan.

“So, we need to go to Jorvik City. Easy.” Tyra said. “Buy a bus pass and leave from Fort Pinta. Aaron and Anastasia will have the contacts to get us the people we need to start getting the Manor tip top.”

“Tickety boo,” Grace said.

“And if we’re wearing the uniform,” Theresa said.

“He won’t question.”

“We can’t all go.”

“Well, before we get uniformed up. We really should check out this oil field they’ve got going in the paddock.”

Pauline picked mushrooms off her pizza slices and ate them. “Steve’s got a great second hand shop. Pick up an inoffensive t-shirt that doesn’t scream shoot me now from fifty feet away.”

The girls all groaned.

“And like you said, we’re stable girls looking for lost horses.” Pauline smirked.

They finished their food and had ice cream before cleaning their fingers off and going shopping.

“You said inoffensive?” Elsa raised her brow. She held up a pair of raspberry and magenta abstract camo pants. “How is this inoffensive?”

“They’re cheap,” Tyra pointed out.

Elsa dropped them and shuddered.

They did find t-shirts but not muck pants or boots. And they all were able to buy the Silverglade Clan Outfit. Linn’s phone buzzed, Sabine again. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Does that girl ever rest?” She scowled. “Okay, catch up with you later. Tell me how it goes. Tell me everything.”

Pauline volunteered to go with Lily and Regina to Jorvik City. She didn’t have anything to do really.

“And since I’m a known stable girl,” Tyra smirked.

“We’ve got this,” Abigail grinned.

They changed clothes. Though there was some grumbling about not washing things first. And because they were going by bus, they didn’t have to buy the saddles and stuff just yet.

“I want to talk to Anastasia,” Tyra tugged on the satin jacket. “Rumor has it, she and the Baroness had a big row about how she spent her money on too many clothes.”

Lily tugged on her hat. “Sounds fair to me.”

They rode by the roads to Fort Pinta. Tyra pointed out the Golden Fields.

“They used to be filled with golden flowers.”

“What happened?”

“Don’t know,” Tyra shrugged. She waved at a girl near a ruin. “That’s Mary. She herds sheep.”

Lily leaned over. “As in Mary had a little lamb,” she asked.

“Oh, that’s the one.”

Tyra already had a ticket. So, Lily bought ten of them. One for each of the girls going to Moorland camp. They’d already passed her the money to do so. They left their horses at the Fort Pinta stables. Tyra grumbled about what James was charging just for a few hours.

Lily shook her head and they headed to the bus stop.

Tyra pulled out her phone again and started searching. “Okay, so, two figures like Aaron and Anastasia can’t go anywhere without being noticed. They’re a big deal. Almost as big as Anne’s family, or the Ironsaddles. The Winterwells can’t compare. All right, Aaron is at the ice cream shop. And Anastasia, oh, this is good, the mall having coffee with her dog.”

Tyra showed Lily a picture of the dog. It was a teacup pup type in a pink tutu.

“Spoiled,” was all Lily said.

“Aaron probably won’t leave for hours. He loves ice cream,” Tyra confided. “It’s in all the blogs.” She showed Lily Aaron’s blog with almost every third or fourth picture being some ice cream concoction. “If he’s not there, he’ll be in Aideen’s Plaza.”

Lily nodded. She trusted Tyra.

Tyra twisted. “Do you want me to handle Anastasia or do you want to do it?”

“You do know her better.”

“But you’re more of the leader. All you have to do is flatter her and make nice to the dog. She’ll be willing to be played.”

Lily bit her lip. “Okay, new club, want to bring the area up to date and have an image that goes viral?”

“Perfect!” Tyra said.

They raised hands and slapped them together.

Lily thought it over and she had a perfect idea. “We’re going to have to bring back coffee.”

“Make it iced. They’re going to need it.”

Lily cringed.

FOR THE ACCOMPANYING IMAGES PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE MY WATERMARK AND CONTACT INFORMATION. THANK YOU. I get it. Some of you might get excited and want to see this stuff in the game, especially the clothes, tack, and pets. However, the only way I want to see this in the game is if I get paid for it. If I see it in the game and I’m not paid for it, there will be hell to pay. You think I’m salty. I’d be angry. Personally, I’m not going to send this info to SSO. If you do, leave my contact information there! Don’t give them any excuses to steal.

Now, I’ll know you haven’t read this note if you leave me comments about how ‘salty’ I am about the game and if I hate it so much I should do something else. I am doing something else. It’s called Mystic Riders MMORPG Project. Mystic Riders however is a very baby phase game. You can check out our plans on the game dev blog. (Skills, Factions, Professions, Crafting, Mini-Games, 25+ horse breeds!) If you know anyone who would be interested and has money or contacts about game making, direct them to the blog.

#Star Stable #Star Stable Online #SSO #fanfic #Star Stable salt #completely harmless #silverglade reimagined #jorvik reimagined #many nods to ruth westside

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godseyegalaxy · 6 years ago

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Candle and the Wax Flower - 4

Cere upholds her part of the bargain

can also be read on tapas!

Aprox 3400 words

Cere covered her eyes in the hope of shielding herself from the burning sun, but, as her vision went white anyway, quickly regretted it. Violent clicks burst from her chest, only to become screams as she switched to something her captor might understand. But still, Icora continued to swing her like a heavy sac as if she didn’t just slam her head into the door post. The unfiltered afternoon sun burned her eyes anyway and she writhed and clicked in weak protest.

“Get. Me. Back. Into. The. Water.” Cere’s voice growled.

She knew Icora’s crew was watching. They never seemed to sleep on this horrid ship, always something to do, something to whisper under their breathes’ and suddenly she had enough of it all. A high-pitched warning call silenced them all.

Pathetic, she thought. That she of all beings was being treated like an object and cowering behind her arms. Her tail flailed wildly, in hope of snagging Icora or, preferably, the wooden railing that would be her last obstacle.

Last obstacle that would start a long road to a stupid journey.

All she wanted was her sister’s neckless back.

Now she’s looking for a lost land-city.

She hated Icora.

“Alright, you can stop that now, or I’m going to be in the water with you.” Cere could hear Icora smiling. Like a child! Icora was talking to her like she was a child and Icora herself a mother! Unbelievable.

“The thought of you in the sea makes me sick, you witch.”

“Oh come on, name calling isn’t nice.”

“You’re only happy because you’re getting what you want.”

“Hmm? Then I suppose you’ll be happy in a few more seconds. Or? Can you not feel happy?”

“Eat my-“

Her tail fin slammed onto the deck as Icora threw her onto the railing.

“Well then.” She said, loud enough for the deck to hear her clearly, “I know we’ll be seeing each other soon—But do you have anything else to say?”

Cere dragged her hands down her face and opened her eyes to slits. Blurry figures she’d grown to know as Icora’s fine crew faced her, watching like they always had. Predator and prey. Trust in their captain, and also trust that Cere was a native of the sea and lashed out like it too. The closest blob stood a couple of meters behind Icora.

She rolled her head to face the captain.

There was once a time when they would go years without catching wind of each other. Where she could go back to living a normal life in her people’s towns and pick up trade and travel again. Cere, honestly, missed that time.

She snapped her head back to the crowd and said the first thing she thought of.

“Duces Fuckheads.” She flipped them off and, with well-trained ease, turned and threw herself off the side of the ship.

The sting of the ocean waves soothed as the air left in her lungs solidified and the cool waters rushed around her. Cere stayed suspended for a long moment, bathing in the soft blue light. This wasn’t home, but damn if it wasn’t better than that Mother forsaken shithole of a ship.

Cere turned and, with a second of calibration, bolted for the isolated Island.

----

Brinkley let the last of the upper crew slide past him before stepping into the Captain’s office. The odorous wall of stale sea water hit him first, and he had to hold back his lunch. He wouldn’t be on a ship if he didn’t like the smell of fish, but that mermaid smelled much worse than any rotting pile of guts and scales. He never got used to it.

Icora’s old familiar chuckle rose above the ascending footsteps.

“And what do the buckets say, Brinkley?” The captain had her back to him, and studied something on her wall of trophies. Icora tended to forgo her coat and accessories while she was in her office, like nothing in the outside world would dare take advantage of her while schemed.

“They’re all clean, Icora.”

“And did you make any progress with Martie?” She pulled away to look at him over her shoulder.

“No.”

She smiled but didn’t laugh. Brinkley shut the door behind him.

“You know, that’s one of the many reasons I like you.” Icora sighed and gestured him closer, to look at the pot-marked map that laid in front of her. “You’re reliable. Consistent. Predictable.”

“You only like that because you yourself are none of those things.”

“Is that what you think?”

“Yes.”

She laughed this time. Picking up discarded pins and tools she used to mark where they were going to go, she let Brinkley look over the dots and dashes that made up all of their wayward trips. Brinkley didn’t know of many isles that didn’t have their boot prints on them, didn’t know of any nation that hadn’t seen their flag fly into port or off shore, but still, there were always things to do. People to check up on, trading routes to make sure were still free of growing monopolies and countries to make sure stayed on their own lands. And if not practical, then they were off finding treasure or whatever suited Icora’s fancy that morning.

The sea, Icora said once, changed at will; who knows what will drop into it next.

He traced the newest line from the point the ship was to where it would soon be. He checked the coordinates once, then twice, then tapped his fingers on the desk.

“Ask away.” Icora slumped into her seat, looking up at him expectantly.

“What are you planning?”

She offered him a drink. He declined with a wave of his hand and, Icora drank for him.

“Predictable, see? Why do you think I’m planning something?”

“You’re always planning something and... these places you’ve marked...”

“What about them?”

“You know what. I want to know why. I know it’s not just a treasure hunt or whatever you told the mermaid and I know it’s something much bigger than what we normally do.” There was something sharp in his voice, demanding and accusing, hardly detectable. Like a jellyfish’s stinger.

But it wasn’t like Icora was never stung before. It was determined a long time ago that Brinkley couldn’t scare her.

She still waited to responded, just long enough to make Brinkley think that she’d thought about her words carefully.

“I trust you. You know that.”

“Yes, and I you.” He said almost automatically.

She closed the gap between them, grasping his heavy coat with one hand. “Then trust me when I say if you tell anyone about this, I will leave you and whoever else on whatever island we land on and never look back.” She smiled and waited for his response.

When none came, “A long time ago, I left something in a place I knew I would forget, on a land much larger than any of these islands, yet a few days ago it suddenly came back to me. I asked myself ‘why?’. Why should I remember after all this time. And trust me, it’s been a long time. But there’s really only one answer; it’s time for me to get it back.”

Cere felt the water die. Not all at once, but as if the creatures teaming around in the light knew there was a boundry they shouldn’t cross, so they kept well away from it. A gradient that, after she swam far enough, left her feeling light headed. She knew where she was and knew she still had further to go.

But, there was a stop she could make first. Then, maybe she could bypass the island all together.

She dove further down the water column and braced for the current that would take her close to the island chain but... it didn’t come. Down further as the light faded into inky black and still there was no rush of water.

This place really is dead

Cere ignored the rotting pit in her stomach as she retraced her steps to the lighter, warmer waters. Naturally Icora would have her do this. Naturally. Beings like her didn’t care about the sea. No for the things living in it, anyway. They could never understand what it meant for water to be dead. They would only care when it was too late.

Cere slowed down as the ground started to slope upwards. Usually her people never got this close to the rocky isle shores, there was no reason for it. Sure, there were many creatures to be hunted in the tidal zone, but the coast was not her territory. Oh, how she wished she was in her territory.

Her arms and eyes burned as she lifted herself onto a rock close to the shore. The land in front of her was brown, grassy. This was not the place to be. Back into the water.

Cere followed the island’s shore until the beach receded into the land and tree roots grew in between the boulders. Here... Here would do.

She watched as the juvenile creatures bolted out of her path while she slowly moved inward. The water tasted different, not dead but only brackish. Still gross. She lifted her head out of the water to find the green canopy shielding her eyes from the sun. A head of her, the tree roots grew too thick to go any close to land and, even if she could, the possibility of leaving quickly would slowly disappear. This would do.

So, Cere pulled herself towards the closest tree and gathered her hair neatly in front of her and started to sing.

Her voice was nothing compared to sirens, or even the whale songs that made up the white noise of the sea but, as Icora had described once, she had a voice ‘surprisingly gracefully for such a hideous creature.’ At the time Cere immediately tried to stab her with a sharp rock, but she had appreciated the complement, only a little bit.

She sang in her native tongue, softly at first as she started to breathe in air and then louder, to fill in the spaces underneath the canopy. The sounds of the marine forest paused to listen to the mermaid, even the sea winds ceased to move the leaves above. Straining to hear beyond her voice, Cere sand louder until the snapping of twigs called her to stop.

Wait... She must wait. Who knows what could set it off.

The leaves moved again and, so did the water but nothing could cover the sound of something wading through the water.

“Creature of beyond the island, you have called?” a quiet voice met Cere’s ears, sending chills down her spine. Not that she was afraid, hardly, but the spindle-like voice grated against her skull.

“I have, and I would like to ask a question. Please, are you iwi-atua?”

“Fairie? Yes I am.”

“May I look at you?”

“Yes.”

Cere turned her head and bowed at the person in front of her, standing in the water with their root-colored hair spilling like a cloud of ink in the water. Beyond that they were naked, bare and smooth skin, almost like they were a part of the forest itself. If they weren't thousands of kilometers away from the nearest human civilization, Cere might have thought them human. But that would be a grave mistake to say out loud.

“What is your name, sea- creature.” the Fairie took a step closer, smiling with jaded eyes.

So, they were hungry on the isle. And here Cere thought she’d have a pleasant conversation.

“I am a Daughter of the Mother, please call me as such.”

Cere gave no indication that she saw their smile twitch. “Very well then, Daughter of the Mother. What is your question?”

“There is an Island north west of here, 30 knots if by sail, past were the water turns bleached and dead, does that island virgin to human or Fae influence?”

“A strange question for a creature such as yourself. 30 knots? Do you know of sails and wooden coffins? Why do you, Daughter of the Mother of the Seas, care?”

Cere tilted her head. An interesting game they were playing- another chance at her own life.

“I am trying to get back my sister’s necklace,” Cere answered honestly, “And visiting the island will help me obtain my goal. I came here because I know for sure that your people, and others, reside here and thus may know if your sisters and brothers are there. Are there Fae or Humans on the island?”

A tingling sensation rushed down Cere’s spine, a growl vibrating the back of her skull. She didn’t give a satisfactory answer, it seemed. But damn them, if it was a fight she was going to get into, then it was a fight she was going to win.

Cere thought all of this without indicating a single thing. To her surprised however, the fae creature answered.

“There has never been Humans or any land creature on the island. Fae, however, used to live there before the Witch killed everything, my people moved soon after and none has been there since.”

Cere watched the water ripple as the woman stepped close to her, hair dragging behind her like smoke.

“That place is not for the likes of you. Fae were killed there. That land is ours.”

“Then I guess its lucky for us that I won’t be needing to go there, is it?”

There were many phrases that Cere had learned while being with Icora and her crew. Many curse words but a lot of well-to-use idioms too. ‘Kicked the bucket’ was a fun one that she enjoyed hearing, mostly because she didn’t know what a bucket was at the time and kicking was something she’d never done before, so her finding out that ‘kicking the bucket was another way of saying ‘dying’ brought out a rare laugh within her. But there were more practical ones, like the saying ‘red sky in the morning, sailors warning’ because this was true to her knowledge, her own people used it with different phrasing and ‘The last straw’ when finally, someone stopped taking shit from others. She couldn’t count how many times Icora had pulled ‘the last straw’ with her.

Cere had picked the last straw with the iwi-atua.

It leaped at her with the speed that, if she were not a mermaid, would have disoriented her and would most likely lead to her death. But she was a mermaid. A daughter of the Mother, as she warned, and the fae did not disorient her.

The Galleon swayed gently as she waded in the water, perfectly at peace with the ocean and wind. Most of its crew were below deck, eating a lunch of rice and fish while the ones above deck did their routine checks.

Martie sat against one of the walls, a good number of different sized papers spread across the table and sticky rice in her hands. It was a writing assignment, or, more correctly a report that Icora had already written, but had copied the papers she’d used and gave them to her to see how well she could write the same report. How much time did Icora have to just waste on giving her assignments? Grated, it was probably Brinkley that suggested it.

Fuck that dude.

In her increasing desperation to get the paper done with, she’d even asked the other crew members siting around her for help. But most of them ignored her or played dumb. Every time. Every time she had homework it was like they’d never met her. Martie didn’t know if it was because some of them wanted nothing to do with writing a report or because Icora had given them an order not to help.

Sen-Woo, one of the gunners, a deckhand and the first person that she had gotten to know sat down at the opposite end of the table, making her papers slide.

“Oh, sorry Martie, didn’t think you’d still be working on that stuff.”

“You know I always wait for your ever so insightful advice. Tell me. What should I do today.”

Before joining Icora’s crew, Sen-Woo was an entertainer of sorts. He was also a student of science. And a successful merchant. And a school teacher. Because of his background, he would give impromptu lectures on how the world worked that made even Brinkley stop and listen. But what excited Martie the most was the fact that he could talk about the newest of sciences and then immediately turn around and say the most profound and dumbest stuff she had ever heard.

He gave her and insidious look and snapped back. “Respect your superiors and do your homework in your own space.” But the frown didn’t last long, his broken tooth smile crept up like it always had when he tried to be angry. “Ah, I’m just teasing.”

“I had no idea.” Her face had stayed placid the entire time.

“I was going to offer you singing lessons, actually.”

The clump of rice she was aiming to eat fell back into her bowl.

“Singing lessons?”

“Yeah, it’s about time you learned the really important stuff like singing shanties with us.” he gestured to everyone on the room. While most of them wisely made no acknowledgement of the comment, many more were smirking over their meal.

He was serious. Martie knew Sen-Woo and he was serious.

A thousand words and incomprehensible sounds flooded her mind but her mouth just opened and closed like a fish.

THUMP

The wall behind Martie shook, but before she, or any of the others, could do anything, shouting and footsteps sounded above them. Rushing to see what had hit our ship no doubt.

Martie bounded up and squeezed past the other members of the crew as they sped towards the stair case, however, everyone paused as they heard the captain.

Laughing. She was laughing. Loud and jovial as if drunk on stolen wine.

Half the crew sighed and went to sit down and finish their meal.

Tia, one of the few that never moved even shouted. “Never have I ever seen so much commotion for a single fish.” She laughed and caught a bowl that was tossed at her. Martie climbed the steps anyway.

Darkening clouds covered the sun, promising rain at a later date, but the nausea Martie usually felt was absent from her mind and she walked over to Icora’s side by the railing.

“Cap’t.” She said as a way of greeting.

“Martie. Help Auali’i pull up the net. Cere has something with her.” Icora’s tone set her on edge, there was something wrong. Maybe not too wrong, Icora had a different tone she used for big problems. Just like she had different voice marking how good a mood she was in so Martie knew when to prod her with questions or turn in her work. On a scale of one to ten, ten being worst case, this was maybe a six or seven.

She silently obeyed her orders, got behind Auali’i, and started to pull on the ropes bringing Cere up to the deck. A moment later Brinkley was behind the captain doing the same, a wordless conversation happening between them.

Martie willed herself to breathe normally as the net rose above the railing. Cere appeared a moment later, silver tail hanging over the net, shinning iridescent in the sun like it usually did, however, black and red oozed down the mermaid’s chest, most of it coming from a mass she held in her arms.

The mermaid waited until the net lowered to the grown before turning to Icora. The side of her face and neck had deep claw marks gouged into them with some of the same ooze leaking out in small diluted streams. Cere didn’t seem to care, instead she lifted the mass she was clutching.

Martie watched as it unfurled and stared for a long minute. No... it didn’t really unfurl, it was hair, golden red hair, that fell down and mixed with Cere’s own ink black. Brinkley actually stumbled back in something akin to horror.

She was holding a covered head. But it wasn’t a creature that Martie had ever seen in her life.

“I come back bearing gifts.” Cere’s broken voice dripped with distain as she looked up at Icora.

“How thoughtful.” Was all Icora said.

#mermaid #pirate #Polynesian #writers on tumblr #fantasy #had a writing kick yall yeehaw

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birbofathena · 6 years ago

Text

twitter has a character limit, which is why we’re here

hi there. it's been a lil while, huh.

scrolling through my twitter, i found this (seen below) and i'm in the mood for rambling on and on so woo here we go.

Have you ever

1. skipped class

never with the intent of skipping class. i've missed quite a lot of class in my time, but my brain gets awful sick in the winter, which really inhibits my ability to do "normal human" things. i see a therapist every two weeks.

2. done drugs

nah. addiction plagues my paternal family line, and we're seeing glimpses of it in my brother as well. will i try drugs? maybe weed. anything that can be a one-and-done thing, just to try it. never nicotine. never alcohol.

3. self harmed

nope. i have an irrational fear of the consequences that might come of that specifically, and frankly i'm better off for it. heaven knows i've spent enough time thinking about that for one lifetime.

4. drank

see question two. it's funny that a differentiation between alcohol and everything else exists, imo.

5. shoplifted

i don't think so. i'm really starting to wonder about the demographic that this question set was originally made for.

6. gotten a tattoo

nope! maybe one day. probably a nice little flower, with an inkling of color peeking at the edges of its petals. probably on my back somewhere, so that i'm always a bit surprised when someone points it out. "oh yeah, i have that. cool, huh?"

7. broken up with someone

once. even then, we weren't official. my reasoning was that i wasn't ready, though frankly i think we both weren't. i didn't even know what i wanted. perhaps what i do want is something that maybe not a lot of high-schoolers want - something pragmatic, honest, somewhat more private. or that could be what most people do want. i really don't get out that much.

What's your favorite

8. show

my gut response is over the garden wall. i love, love, love fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood too, though i'm waiting until i have the chance to watch it with a friend of mine to finish it. it's sooooooo intense. don't spoil me, please!

9. movie

i'm not a real movie type of person, so i always default to the movies that i grew up watching whenever this question is asked - the incredibles, the lion king, monsters inc. ...

10. song

you might as well ask, "who's you're favorite child?" there are simply too many. here, if you want to feel out my taste for music, this is my main playlist. feel free to follow that (and me) for more! i get a kick out of having followers on spotify, for some reason. (sidenote: i created a whole new account so that i could change the username, so that account really needs some love again. curse the constant state of toil for consistency i'm in. everywhere the world must know me as birbofathena.)

11. artist

i read a lot of webcomics, so while i can't speak of any historic artists, i do think you should definitely check out ari (and his comic here), owen (and the comic she writes and colors for here), toby (and his comic here), and vi (and her comic here).

12. singer / band

this is an easier question, because i can just take a look at whom i listen to the most. now, i listen to a lot of ambient music, so right off the bat, i can recommend moby, ulrich schnauss, balmorhea, and chihei hatakeyama. speaking about the more "mainstream" artists, i like marina, mgmt, elton john, the 1975, patti page, and tessa violet.

13. memory

lately i've been thinking a lot about how i, as a kid, spent my time laid on the cement by the yard of my first house, watching the bees work on the clover. from one small flower to the next. watching them dig through the petals in search of nectar. it may not be my favorite, but it's what comes to mind.

14. book

i'm reading the poisonwood bible right now, which has been so fantastic. seriously, read it if you haven't yet. aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe is another excellent book.

This or that

15. invisibility or the ability to fly

invisibility, because violet is my favorite character from the incredibles. she's so cool. also worth noting: you start flying everywhere, and soon enough you'll find that you've become a living carnival ride.

16. cookies or cake

when done right, cake every time. cookies produce more consistent results though - as far as pleasing me goes - so long as there's chocolate somewhere within. ~~cookies without chocolate are an atrocity.~~ EDIT (10TH MAY '19) - jamie, u ignorant slut. i completely forgot about sugar cookies, in their entirety. forgive me. cookies can live their lives as they please. i know nothing.

17. twitter or facebook

twitter. hell, anything that isn't facebook. facebook's the place that moms go to to eat each other alive. having a facebook account is plain unhealthy.

18. movies or books

depends, really. there're awful movies who have awesome book counterparts, and vice versa. and to be fair, each medium offers things that the other one can't. if you were to ask me though, i'd say books. the feeling that you get when you reach the end of a book is like no other.

19. coke or sprite

this is a lame question, and everyone knows it. the real question on everyone's mind is: coke or pepsi? and i am a pepsi drinker. though the flavored cokes that've been coming out lately are pretty tasty as well. f me up with that strawberry guava, yes please.

20. blind or deaf

anxiety or depresson? brain cancer or pancreatic cancer? alzheimer's or parkinson's? need i say more?

21. tea or coffee

i haven't actually ever tried coffee, though i've been told that i'd like it (due to my liking dark chocolate so much)! i don't really like most teas though; i'll only drink this one herbal tea called bengal spice which is a pseudo-chai tea.

What's your

22. age

i'm 18. i was born 18th february, 2001, at 18:18. whew.

23. sign

pisces sun, capricorn moon, virgo rising

24. height

5′8″ or 173 cm

25. sexual orientation

gay

26. shoe size

9.5 in US mens

27. religion

i don't associate myself with any one religion. i think it's one of those things that's good for some and terrible for others. just do what makes you happy.

28. longest relationship

tbd. the non-relationship described in question 7 went for nearly three weeks.

Opinion on

29. gay rights

i always hear that a lot of homophobic people are lgbt themselves, which is strange to me. though i suppose it's in my nature to be unforgivably confrontational when it comes to inner turmoil, so i'll never really be able to understand homophobic lgbt folk. it goes without saying, then: i support "gay rights," if that's even a differentiation we want to make. i also support "women's rights," "homeowners' rights," and "dogs' rights."

30. second chances

i think for the most part i can empathize with those whom have struggles and missteps i haven't personally experienced. i am a very feeling person. there is an exception to this, but only when one's done something so blatantly wrong - decisions driven by greed or malice.

31. long-distance relationships

tough and complicated. having a relationship through messaging allows both parties to understand how the other thinks - their opinions, their emotions. essentially how their brain functions, because there are few things more idiosyncratic than language, and writing allows one to take full advantage of that. however, having a relationship in-person grants this knowledge, and so much more. (no one said that in-person relationships can't include any messaging, anyway.) we don't speak with just our tongue. what about the silent conversations? what about physical compatibility? like i say, it's tricky, but i think it's more-or-less doable.

32. abortion

i'm pretty pro-choice. if one'd like to offer up their child for adoption, that'd be cool, but no one should feel obligated to do so. whatever you're comfortable with is what i'll support you doing.

33. the death penalty

absolutely not, not ever. it costs more to pull that trigger than it is to sentence someone to life in prison. they must be absolutely sure that they have the guilty before killing them, which takes a long time to decide, and attorneys' time is expensive. and if a mistake is made and an innocent person is killed, boy, do you have one hell of a lawsuit on your hands. not only that, but it is so hypocritical of us to be killing someone... for killing someone. the whole thing doesn't make sense, and i'll tell you why it's still around: people want to kill, kill, kill anything that is bad, bad, bad. dog bites your child? kill that monster. say goodbye to the family pet. people feel so strongly that they've triumphed over evil when they see this drastic result - a carcass underneath their feet. to hell with that.

34. marijuana

i keep saying this: do what you want. marijuana doesn't hurt anything. humans have been doing it ever since we discovered fire. it's absurd that we regulate it now.

35. love

love. it's different for everyone, but for me, it's an enhancement of life. not something necessary, but something that's nice to have. to have someone to bounce ideas off of 24/7. to have someone to turn to in a crisis. to have someone who mourns with you after a loss. indeed, one can face these alone with relative ease, but it's just easier to have someone by your side along the way.

Do you

36. believe in ghosts

yes. old houses might just as well have a mouth, they have so much to say. brand-spanking-new houses are barren, lifeless. i know you know this feeling. ghosts aren't necessarily the malicious, turbulent spirits everyone wants you to believe. they're the vestiges of life, left behind by anyone who's ever felt strong enough to leave them.

37. shower facing the shower head or away from it

away from it, always. who faces the shower head? do they shower with their eyes closed the whole time? just... what?

38. sleep with the door open or closed

i sleep with it closed, though i need to start leaving it open more. it's been getting awfully stuffy.

39. love someone

no. it's not something i'm currently looking for, though my therapist did ask in my last session... i don't know. will it be something i will ever truly look for? i hate the idea of online dating, though that's just my first impression. i just don't know.

40. still watch cartoons

of course. i watch plenty of anime, but if that doesn't count as "cartoons," i also watch and rewatch steven universe, over the garden wall (as mentioned above), and gravity falls.

41. have a boyfriend / girlfriend

nope.

42. like yourself

hell yeah.

#i'm sure this is the most effort anyone's put into this silly question thingy #i even did it in markdown on visual studio code #i'm still so confused... why would anyone in their right mind shower FACING the shower head #twitter

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veronicasanders · 7 years ago

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Tagged by my love @wednesdayangeline WHO I AM SO PROUD OF RIGHT NOW!!! SHE KNOWS WHY!!! <3 <3 <3

Your last: 1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: Dad. This is actually funny. He asked me if I wanted to go out for pizza last night but I’d just put all my casual normal pants (like jeans, etc) in the laundry so I was like “can you bring the pizza back here to the house?” and he lost his mind about how he doesn’t want to eat cold pizza!!! wahhhh! “I’m going to get a burger then!” So then he called me from the burger place and very quietly asked if I wanted a veggie burger. 3. Text message: “WHAT THE FUCK LOLOLOLOLOL” to my friend after he send me a super embarrassing video of me babbling incoherantly, drunk and in my underwear, after the Madonna concert in Boston last year.

4. Song you listened to: "You Don’t Own Me” - the Grace version featuring G-Eazy and if you don’t have it you SHOULD

5. Time you cried: oh god. Um. In my car on Friday?

Have you ever: 6. Dated someone twice: Like two dates, or broken up and back together? Because the first one, yes. Second one, no. Unless you count casual sex. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes 8. Been cheated on: I’ve never had a long enough relationship for this to be an issue 9. Lost someone special: yes but not romantically (same Wednesday) 10. Been depressed: Yes, but luckily they have meds for it. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes. It’s the worst. And the reason I don’t drink tequila.

3 favourite colours: Rainbow, glitter, and neon

In the last year have you: 15. Made new friends: Yes 16. Fallen out of love: No

17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah I do that on the regular 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Sure...

19. Met someone who changed you: Ummmm....maybe? I dunno. I haven’t changed very much in the last year. 20. Found out who your friends are: I guess? I feel like this is fluid though... 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: All the time. lol

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost every single one. 23. Do you have any pets: a very spoiled puppy 24. Do you want to change your name: my last name, yes

25. What did you do for your last birthday: brunch and day drinking with my friends, dinner at my fave molecule gastronomy restaurant with my parent, and also volunteered at a homeless shelter that my aunt runs on my actual birthday 26. What time did you wake up: Today? Like 9ish. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Moving to Sweden! 29. When was the last time you saw your mum: May, when we went to NJ for my cousin’s wedding. 31. What are you listening to right now: Chow Down (Willam/DWV) 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Probably like 200. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Conservative media and “alternative facts.” Actually that’s not getting on my nerves as much as it’s making me psychotically fucking angry 34. Most visited website: google docs 35. Hair colour: Dark brown 36. Long or short hair: long/mid-back 37. Do you have a crush on someone: Not unless you count my pretend wife Rachel Maddow or my pretend girlfriend Courtney Act. 38. What do you like about yourself: Intelligence/Compassion 39. Piercings: Ears only 40. Blood type: O+

41. Nickname: V 42. Relationship status: single 43. Zodiac: Pisces 44. Pronouns: she/her

45. Favourite TV show: Too many but at the moment I’m watching: Drag Race, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Chelsea, Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell, Degrassi, Sense8, Last Week Tonight, Veep, Game of Thrones, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of New York City

There’s no 46th question what

47. Right or left handed: right 48. Surgery: I had a disc replacement in my cervical spine. That was fun. 49. Sport: No thanks. Although I sometimes like figure skating or that one with the ribbons. 50. Vacation: Tahiti, Greece, Sydney for Mardi Gras, Argentina, South Africa 51. Pair of trainers: What are these? Are these sneakers?

More General: 53. Eating: Fine dining, esp tapas and healthy food that doesn’t taste healthy 54. Drinking: Water and coconut water 55. I’m about to: Pretend to unpack but actually spend most of the day fucking about 56. Waiting for: the application period to start for Lund University 2018 fall semester 57. Want: to be living in Sweden 58. Get married: Are you asking? Are you an EU citizen? 59: Career: Working with LGBT+ youth and/or refugees, keep writing for fun and maybe publish something once in awhile

Which is Better: 60. Hugs or kisses: Depends. ;) 61. Lips or eyes: Like to eat? 62. Shorter or taller: everyone is taller than me (same!) But I do get super excited when I meet someone shorter. My sister in law is 4′11″ and therefore she’s my favorite person. 63. Older or younger: for dating or general merriment? I get along better with younger people in general, probably. 64. Nice arms or nice stomach: Uh. I’m sorry I’m just picturing someone with like super toned sexy arms and a massive gut and I can’t stop laughing. Or like, rock hard abs and rubbery arms that reach the ground. This question is silly. How about no one needs to be perfect but they need to feel comfortable in their own skin? 65. Hook-up or relationship: Hook-ups 66. Troublemaker or hesitant: I mean I would say troublemaker as long as it’s good natured trouble that doesn’t hurt anyone. Shenanigans. Not like property damage or things that will get us arrested.

Have You Ever: 67. Kissed a stranger: Yeah like tons. 68. Drank hard liquor: Yes.

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No?

70. Turned someone down: Yes but I’m kind of an indirect wuss about it. 71. Sex on the first date: I’ve had sex with someone I met that night? So...is that a “date”? 72. Broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so? Maybe but she was a little unhinged before I got there. 73. Had your heart broken: No 74. Been arrested: No 75. Cried when someone died: Yes 76. Fallen for a friend: Yes. Once for Real, and a few superficial crushes.

Do you believe in: 77. Yourself: Just under the the healthy amount 78. Miracles: I believe that amazing things happen for people. I don’t know if I’d call them miracles. 79. Love at first sight: That is called lust. I do believe in lust. 80. Santa Claus: Yes, my mom is real. 81. Kiss on the first date: Yes. 82. Angels: Uh. No.

Other: 83. Current best friend’s name: If I have to choose one, it would probably be my friend Kevin. But I have a lot of close friends.

84. Eye colour: Brown

85. Favourite movie: Annie, Clueless, Mean Girls, Deconstructing Harry, Paris is Burning, Polly, Sophie’s Choice, The Color Purple, Best in Show, Drop Dead Gorgeous, The Little Mermaid

Since this is super long, anyone who had the patience to actually READ it should consider themselves tagged!!!! Yes, you. Go ahead.

#me

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evangelinedanvers · 8 years ago

Text

Three Times Maggie Let Alex Walk Away & The One Time she Didn't

Warning: P4 of this is not the happiest thing I have ever written. I wrote most of it before Alex proposed to Maggie. I wouldn’t advise anyone who is feeling deeply affected by Maggie’s reduced role in S3 because I don’t want anyone to feel more saddened than they already are. (It does have a promising ending though. Sanvers is end game, no matter what The CW thinks.) All is on Ao3

“We're analyzing thermal residue to look for any electromagnetic component to these weapons, so that we can create a countermeasure.”

Maggie, not understanding a word that Alex had said, scoffed. “Nerd.” She didn’t use the word derisively. In fact it was said almost admiringly. She liked that Alex was smart as well as a fighter. The cops she worked with were usually either smart or strong; rarely both. She turned away from Alex, to sign paperwork that she didn’t even bother to read. Maggie despised paperwork. She saw it’s necessity, but ultimately it was a huge waste of her time when she could be out on the streets, actually doing something.

“How are you feeling? Any better?”

“Now I just feel like I got kicked in the gut instead of the face.” Maggie didn’t look at Alex as she answered. There was little inflection in her tone. Truthfully, Maggie was feeling much better, but she didn’t want to tell Alex that. She was enjoying the concern that Alex was showing. It was a rare occurrence for anyone to care about how she was feeling.

“Well, after you file your report, do you want to go do something? There's a great pinball bar that I know Or that Food Channel guy's new tapas place opened.”

Maggie kept walking, grabbing up more paperwork as she went. She didn’t look at Alex, at least not for long. A quick glance now and again. She knew that if she looked at the agent for too long she would say yes. She would say yes to those things, that a few days ago she would have been doing with her girlfriend. She knew she couldn’t do that though. Falling for anyone, let alone a straight girl, was not on her agenda.

“I don't really feel like I'm up to it.” She looked away, not looking at anything in particular; just anything but Alex Danvers. She shook her head slightly. She had wanted so badly to say yes, but she knew their relationship had to stay professional. She knew that becoming friends with someone she already had a crush on wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to her or Alex.

“Come on, you should come out. We'll go and have fun, and celebrate singledom.” Alex sounded like she was clutching at straws, trying to find any reason for Maggie to want to go anywhere with her.

Maggie shot Alex a look. Go and have fun? Maggie wondered for a second if she had gotten it wrong, if maybe Alex was gay after all, then reminded herself that she had done this before. She had fallen for a straight girl right around the time she realised she was gay, and it hadn’t ended well for either of them. “I don't really feel like celebrating getting dumped.” She said as she reached her police vehicle and dumped the files on the passenger seat. At least she had a good excuse.

“Maggie, that's not what I meant.”

“What do you mean?” She slipped out of her jacket, wanting for nothing more than to get in her car, drive away, get back to the precinct and lose herself in paperwork.

“I just thought that we could go and have some fun. Keep each other company.”

Have some fun? Keep each other company? Maggie heart jumped as she realised she really had been wrong about Alex. She turned to face her and tilted her head to one side slightly, curious. “You and me?”

“Yes. Why? Why, what's wrong with that?” Alex lowered her eyebrows slightly, seeming confused

Maggie smiled, relieved. She was so relieved that it wasn’t happening again. “Nothing, I just I think I read you wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn't know you were into girls.”

Alex’s eyes widened. “I'm not.”

“Oh.” Maggie hoped she didn’t sound as disappointed as she felt. She hoped that Alex couldn’t tell that her heart had sunk so far that she wondered how long it would take for her stomach acids to start burning it away. “My bad then.” She said, trying to sound cool about it.

“No. I mean no offense, Maggie.”

“No, I get it. You're not gay.”

“Right.”

“You'd be surprised how many gay women I've heard that from.” Go have some fun. Keep each other company. The words played in Maggie’s head again. For a moment she had been so sure. “Sorry. I just thought you were angling towards something.”

“No, I wasn't. I was just trying to I'll let you know when we make some progress.” Alex smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. Then she just turned and left, without a goodbye. Maggie didn’t try to stop her; it would be pointless. She had ruined any chance of them ever being friends. Maybe, she thought, that was for the best,

“You okay Maggie?”

“What?” Maggie asked, the voice of her colleague pulling her out of a daze. “Yeah, yeah.” She shrugged. “I’m okay.” She smiled. “Always am.”

“You’ve been staring into space for half an hour.” Barbara took a sip from her mug, then perched herself on the desk opposite to Maggie’s. “You thinking about a case? Give me details. Maybe a fresh perspective could help.”

Maggie shook her head. “It’s not a case?”

Barbara raised an eyebrow. “No? A girl then? Hey, you’re not still hung up on that ex of yours are you? Sounds to me like you can do better than her.”

Maggie sighed, wishing Barbara wasn’t always so nosey. “Really don’t wanna talk about it.” She picked up a pen, and scribbled some notes on the paperwork that lay before her. “Kinda busy.”

“Come on. We’re not friends outside of work. What you tell me will stay in these four walls.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Fine. It is a girl. You know when you like someone? So much that just thinking about them makes you smile. And all you want to do is tell everyone how amazing they are?” Maggie sighed, then frowned.”

Barbara nodded. “Yeah, I know that feeling. You don’t seem very happy though. Why?”

“She’s straight. At least she says she is.”

“And by that you mean?”

“I mean, she started saying things that seemed kinda gay. Maybe she is, and just hadn’t realised it yet. At first I assumed she was straight. She didn’t give off any gay vibes, but then.” Maggie shrugged “I don’t know.”

“Sweetie.” Barbara placed her mug down on her desk, then moved over to Maggie and placed one of her aging hands over one of Maggie’s still smooth hands, and gave a gentle, comforting squeeze. “She’s not gay. And you’ve either gotta crush those feelings you have for her, or stay away from her.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t think I can do either. It’s so stupid.” Maggie shook her head. “ I’m stupid. I barely know her. I’m nearly thirty years old. I shouldn’t be having stupid crushes on straight girls.”

Barbara let go of Maggie’s hand. “You’re not stupid. Unfortunately the brain and the heart aren’t always in sync.”

Maggie picked up her pen again, and started to write on her case notes, not wanting to think any longer. “Yeah, and don’t I know it.” She muttered.

Maggie leant across the pool table, cue in hand, and lined up her shot. Her mind was barely on the game but she was trying, so very hard to keep herself occupied. She couldn’t think about Alex. She couldn’t think about the undeniable chemistry they shared. She couldn’t think about how much she smiled every time she received a text from Alex. She couldn’t think about the fact that Alex had realised she was gay after all. She couldn’t think about any of those things, because she knew that those kind of relationships never worked out. Alex would only leave her, once she found someone better than her, which wasn’t difficult. She couldn’t think about any of those things, but she was thinking about all of them.

She took the shot, and potted the ball that she had been aiming for. She frowned slightly, wondering why she could never play so way when Alex was around. She walked around the table, getting ready to take another shot.

“Hey, Maggie.”

Maggie looked up to see none other than Alex Danvers “Danvers!” She smiled, automatically, as soon as she saw Alex. “Hey, I was hoping you'd turn up.” She said, only at that moment realising that she had indeed been hoping that Alex would be making an appearance. Only because playing pool alone was boring, she told herself. “Any interest in a game?” Maggie gestured towards the pool table.

“Well, actually,” Alex placed her fingers down gently on the pool table, and placed her other hand on one hip, leaning slightly to one side.”I was wondering if you were still good for that drink you promised me.”

“You told Kara?” Maggie asked, a little surprised that Alex had told Kara so soon. She wondered, for a second, if Alex was more sure of herself than she had thought. She wondered if, just for a second, if maybe they could work out. Then she reminded herself that her feelings were unrequited; there was no way Alex felt the same way.

Alex nodded, smiling.

Maggie was glad that it had clearly gone well. “Yeah, you did!” Without thinking about what she was doing, she threw her pool cue down, and wrapped her arms around Alex’s shoulders,pulling her into a hug. Alex returned her hug, much more gently than Maggie would have expected from the tough as nails DEO agent.. “I am so happy for you.” She quickly pulled herself out of the hug. She wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Alex, let alone hugging her. “I'm buying, all night.” Maggie turned away from Alex, starting to walk over to the bar. “What are you having?”

Alex grabbed Maggie’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Before Maggie had time to process what was happening, Alex’s hands were cupped around her face. Their lips were touching; kissing. And, for a couple of seconds, Maggie allowed it to happen. For a couple of seconds, she allowed herself to enjoy the sensation. Then, coming to her senses, she pulled away. “Wow.” She let out a light breath, overwhelmed.

“I've been wanting to do that.” Alex, sounding relieved, smiled. She looked happier; happier than Maggie had ever seen her in their brief friendship.

So have I, Maggie thought. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“Was that not okay?” Alex asked, still with a slight smile.

Maggie shook her head slightly. “You didn't do anything wrong.” No, you did everything perfectly.

“But something's wrong.” Alex was still smiling, albeit a little nervously.

“Well, we're at really different places.” Maggie noticed the smile slip from Alex’s face. She knew that Alex was smart. She knew that Alex had become aware of where she was going. She knew that she was taking away Alex’s happiness. She also knew that in the long run, it was for the best. She knew that she would only end up hurting Alex, if she allowed anything to happen between them. She knew that Alex would only end up hurting her too, like everyone else. “And everything is changing for you. And everything is going to feel really heightened and shiny. And, um, you should experience that for yourself. Not just to be with me. And I shouldn't get involved with someone who's just fresh off the boat. Those relationships never really work out.” Maggie tilted her head to one side as she analysed Alex’s reactions.

“Hmm.” Alex said, acknowledging that she had heard Maggie’s words.

“I'm here for you” Maggie added, not ready to lose Alex from her life. “but as a friend.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Alex nodded.

Maggie could tell that she had hurt Alex. She could tell that she had ruined even the chances of a friendship. But still, she asked “Are we cool?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Maggie asked softly, surprised but also a little relieved.

“Yeah. No, no, we're cool.” Alex spoke quickly; too quickly. Maggie knew they weren’t cool. She knew that she had made a huge mistake, thinking that she could turn Alex down like that and still be her friend. When Alex turned away, she knew that was it. She had ruined everything.

“Alex, don't go.” She said, even though she knew that Alex was never going to stay.

Alex turned back for a brief second. “I’ll see you.”

Maggie watched Alex walk away from her, again, having no one to blame but herself. She placed her fingers to her lips; lips that seconds before had been locked in one of the most amazing kisses she had ever experienced. She wanted to go after Alex. She wanted to grab her arm as Alex had done to her, and pull her into an unexpected kiss. She wanted to tell Alex that what she had done had been so okay. She wanted to tell Alex that she was a fool; that she didn’t know what she was talking about; that Alex should forget everything that she had just said.

Instead, she walked over to the bar, and sat down heavily on a stool. “Hey, Darla. I’ll take one of the strongest shit you have back there. Cos honestly, I kinda don’t wanna remember today.”

Darla laughed, pulled a glass from under the bar and filled it with a double shot of whiskey. She slid the glass towards Maggie. “That kiss didn’t look like something you’d want to forget.”

“Jealous?” Maggie laughed, then picked up the whiskey which she downed. “Shit. The fuck is that?” She screwed her face up as the liquid trickled down her throat, burning. “Are you trying to poison me?”

“Should I get you another?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

“What just happened, anyway?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Want and need are two different things.”

“Alex kissed me, which you saw. And I told her that we’re just friends. She’s fresh off the boat. Those relationships never work out.” Maggie shrugged.

“That’s the biggest pile of crap I ever heard.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You like that girl. You’re just scared that she’ll find someone better.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“I know you. I know how you think. It’s definitely that. But it doesn’t matter anyway. What you just did was a really shitty thing to do. One day you’ll realise what a huge mistake you just made, but it will be too late. A girl like that will find someone else. She’ll have a hard time finding someone better.”

“I know I made a mistake. No need to rub it in.”

“So, get out of here. Go and fix it.”

Maggie shook her head. “No. It’s for the best.”

Darla sighed. “Me and you, we could have been happy together. But you ruined that too. Why are you so afraid of being happy?”

“Why?” Maggie laughed bitterly. “Because whenever I’m happy, life throws more bullshit my way. It’s easier not to be happy in the first place.”

Darla rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ve got other customers to serve. Let me know when you’re done with the melodrama.”

Maggie sighed. She wasn’t being melodramatic. She was just right. Happiness always came at a cost, and since it never lasted anyway, it really wasn’t worth the pain.

Maggie Sawyer wasn’t a worrier. She hated being that person in relationship that was always breathing down the other’s neck, watching their every move. However, she found herself pacing in her lounge, staring at her phone, willing it to ring. She had been trying to get ahold of Alex for a couple of hours, and was beginning to think that something bad had happened. At first Maggie had told herself that everything was fine. She had told herself that Alex was just busy. She reminded herself that Alex did have a life outside of their relationship. She reminded herself that Alex had every right not to respond to every text or call immediately.

Maggie sighed, wondering if Alex was already getting bored of her, then shook her head. She knew it wasn’t that. Alex was just busy, most probably with her sister.

Maggie slipped her phone into her back pocket, and told herself to forget about it, but she continued to pace. Her instincts were telling her that something was wrong. “Fuck this.” She said, as she grabbed up her keys from the glass coffee table, which seemed to be used to hold everything but coffee. She decided that it wasn’t the time to be the chilled out, distant girlfriend that she always tried to be. She decided that she was going to make sure that Alex was okay. She decided that Alex was worth it; that Alex deserved it.

Maggie had no difficulty entering the D.E.O building. Everyone there knew who she was, even if they didn’t know who she was there for. Maggie didn’t really care who knew. She was past caring what other people thought. However, everything was new to Alex. Maggie had decided to allow Alex to decide when to make the big steps, determined for Alex to come out in her own time, on her own terms. Maggie may not have been given that, but she knew that if she could give anything to Alex, it was that.

Maggie felt a sense of relief when her eyes fell upon Alex Danvers. The one person in the world that she cared about was okay. She knew, though, that something wasn’t. Maggie could tell from the tense atmosphere in the D.E.O that something had happened; something that left Alex too busy to answer her calls. Either that or Alex had become bored of her already.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Alex asked, placing a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. Maggie got the distinct feeling that Alex wanted to shove her out of the building with that hand.

“Well, you weren’t returning my calls or my texts. I was worried.” Maggie said bluntly, as though that should have been obvious. It should have been. Alex should have understood that. Maggie wondered if perhaps she had been to cool and distant. She wondered if perhaps Alex had no idea how much she cared about her. She would have to fix that. Then, she reminded herself that just that morning she had been in Alex’s apartment, wearing Alex’s clothes. She realised that she wasn’t doing so well at the cool and distant way she tried to act.

Alex stuttered her next words. “Uh, I - I’ve been busy. I'm sorry.” She placed her hands upon her hips - a sign of power, of assertion.

“Is this a bad time?” Maggie asked, confused. She hoped that Alex would explain more. She wanted Alex to confide in her. Maggie was astute enough to tell by then that it wasn’t anything personal, but she wanted Alex to know that she was there for her, always.

“Yeah, it is” Alex glanced over her shoulder, clearly distracted. “Kind of. Supergirl's missing.” “If anyone can find her, it's you.” Maggie reassured Alex, smiling. She didn’t mean to smile, but it was a relief to know why Alex was acting so edgy. Her sister was missing, after all.

“I knew this was gonna happen. I knew it.”

“What are you talking about?” Maggie asked, concerned, as she was unsure what Alex meant.

“I was happy for, like, five minutes.” Alex sounded angry. Maggie got the feeling that the anger was directed at her

“What?” Maggie said, a slight hint of incredulity in her voice.

“I'm sorry. This was a mistake. I'm sorry, you have to go.I'm sorry, I can't”

Maggie took in a sharp intake of breath as Alex told her to go. For a moment, she couldn’t speak. It felt like a physical blow, straight in the gut. She let out the breath, nodding, as she composed herself enough to speak.

“Okay. Got it. See you, Danvers.” Maggie spoke brusquely, then turned her back on Alex and left abruptly. This was not her decision. It was Alex’s. Maggie may have been the one walking away, not wanting to allow Alex to see her cry. Maggie sniffed, wiped at the tears. She didn’t want to cry. If she cried, it made it real.

Physically, Maggie walked away, but metaphorically Alex was the one doing the walking, and Maggie let her. Maggie didn’t stay. She didn’t fight to try and keep Alex. She decided that she would let her go. She decided to let Alex go, because it was Karma. Maggie knew that she had stomped on Alex’s heart so long ago when she turned had her down. Now the world was just giving her what she deserved.

Heres the horrible part ... i have mixed feelings about this.

Maggie Sawyer had always prided herself on her ability to stay calm in the craziest of situations. As a cop, it was necessary. As a human being, it gave people the succinct impression that she just didn't give a crap.

As she held the papers in her hand that threatened to turn her world upside down, she was in no way calm. Anyone that saw her would not have accused her of not giving a crap. She gripped the papers so tightly that her hands shook and her fingertips were white, blanching as the blood was forced out of her capillaries.

Her teeth were clenched, as she tried not to react. Her chest tight, she struggled to breathe. She wasn't sure whether she was angry, sad or mad. Most probably, she was all three.

Three breaths. Three deep breaths. Maggie inhaled deeply, as she always did when faced with a scary situation at work. Those three breaths were short enough as not to cause danger through hesitation, yet long enough to allow her to think. They gave her enough time to decide how to act. They gave her enough time to see that maybe thing weren't quite as bad as they seemed. It always worked. Always.

Not that time, though. She still felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest. She didn't know what to do. If anything, the three breaths made everything seem worse.

Maggie knew she had to do something. She couldn't just stare at the papers forever, willing them to disappear.

Steeling herself, she stood. The papers were still pressed between her fingers. She marched towards her bedroom. The bedroom that she shared with Alex. The bedroom that held her marital bed, literally.

With her free hand, she took a hold of the door handle. She stood for a couple of seconds, as she wondered just what she was going to say, or even if she should say anything at all. Then, she had to say something. She couldn’t very well ignore the fact that her wife had issued her with divorce papers.

Trying not to be angry, trying to understand what the hell had happened, Maggie took a deep breath and swung the door open.

Alex was just stirring, Maggie having left her to have a well deserved lie in. She let out a soft groan and rubbed at her eyes. “Morning.” She said, her voice croaky from having just awoken. “What time is it?” Receiving no response, Alex glanced at the clock she kept on her bedside table. She gasped. “Oh, shit.” She threw the duvet back and scrambled out of bed.

“If you’re worried about catching the post, it’s already been.” Maggie threw the papers down on the bed. She spoke forcefully, her anger clear. “Divorce papers? Really, Alex? We’ve been married for three months.” Maggie shook her head. “I thought we were happy.” Maggie spoke softly, no longer able to use anger to cover up how hurt she was. “I was happy. For the first time ever, I was happy.”

“Maggie,” Alex picked up the paperwork that Maggie had discarded. “These were … I wanted to talk to you about these, before you saw them.”

Maggie didn’t speak. She had no idea what to say. Everything had seemed fine. There had been no huge fight. There had been not even a hint that Alex was having second thoughts about their marriage. Maggie had no idea what was happening; no idea how to stop it.

“You know what?” I’ll just, um.” Alex voice cracked, tears threatening. “I have to go to work.” Alex rummaged through the wardrobe, pulling out her usual black blouse and trousers. “I’ll stay at Kara’s tonight.”

Maggie nodded slowly, even though her heart had sunk. She knew that it was happening again. She knew that, as always, she wouldn’t put up a fight. She knew, in that moment, that Emily had been right all of those years ago. She didn’t deserve to be happy. “So, that’s it then? We’re over?” Even though Maggie had always known that the happiness that Alex allowed her to feel would be taken away, she still sounded incredulous and confused. She hadn’t expected things to end so suddenly, with no reason. She had expected for Alex to slowly start seeing her for what she really was, just as all of her previous girlfriends had.

Alex took a deep breath, folded her arms and looked away from Maggie. “I don’t know. Do you want us to be?”

Maggie laughed, unable to quite believe that Alex was the one asking that question. “Really, Alex? You want to file for divorce, and you’re asking me if I want us to be over?”

Alex said nothing. She just looked at Maggie with a pained expression. She seemed torn. It was an expression Maggie had seen many times, when Alex had something she needed to say but was too afraid to say it. “I have to go.” Alex said, then smoothed out her blouse before swiftly leaving the room, not looking at Maggie.

Maggie watched Alex make her exit, then slowly sank down. Sitting on the edge of their bed Maggie sniffled, letting some of the tears she had been holding back in Alex’s presence escape. She quickly wiped the tears away, deciding that over the years she had shed way too many tears over girls. Then, she realised that Alex was worth her tears. The years of happiness were worth the pain. Maggie was going to let Alex leave. She always had when any of her exes had decided to call it quits. She had never fought for any of them to stay. For so long, Maggie had told herself that it was because they weren’t worth it; that she didn’t care about anyone of them enough to give them the satisfaction of being chased. Deep down she had always known that wasn’t the case.

Maggie stood slowly, realising that she couldn’t just let Alex walk away. She had let Alex walk away so many times before, but she couldn’t do it again. People always said the you couldn’t break a heart that was already broken, but that was the trouble - her heart was no longer broken. Maggie heart had been broken by so many people before she met Alex. Her parents broke her heart when they wouldn’t accept who she was. Elisa Wilkey had broken her heart when she turned her down. She had broken her own heart when she had cheated on Emily. Alex had made her heart whole again, with her smiles and kisses and how much she cared. Alex always listened to her, always heard her. Alex had helped Maggie to see that she did deserve to be happy. Alex had made her happy, and now she threatened to walk out of the door, stealing that happiness away.

Maggie let out a sigh of relief when she saw that Alex was still in their apartment, hurriedly picking up her phone and keys.

“Please don’t go.” Maggie said, the words feeling foreign as they left her mouth. “We need to talk about this.”

“Later. I’m already late for -”

“Call in sick.” Maggie said bluntly, as though it should have been obvious to Alex that it was a matter that warranted calling in sick. “You haven’t had the black lung for a while.” Maggie smiled, just for a moment forgetting that the beautiful, perfect woman standing before her no longer wished to be her wife.

Alex smiled back, just a brief flash. It was a brief flash of a smile that made Maggie think that maybe, just maybe, things could be okay. “It was a miracle that I recovered from my last case of the black lung. I don’t think I can get away with that one again.” “Then tell them you’re having a case of temporary insanity.” Maggie placed her hands firmly on Alex’s shoulders. “Please tell me you’re having a case of temporary insanity.” She tilted her head to one side. Her eyes were wide as she looked into Alex’s, searching for answers. She knew that Alex would be able to see the tears swimming in her eyes, but she didn’t care. She let go of Alex’s shoulders, her arms dropping to her sides.

Alex shook her head, grimacing. “I can’t tell you that Maggie. I don’t want to lie to you. I,” Alex stopped, clearing her throat. She put a hand up against her forehead, hiding her eyes from Maggie. “I never really wanted to get married.” After an awkward silence Alex let out a deep breath. “I always thought I didn’t want to because I didn’t enjoy men.” Alex narrowed her eyes slightly, seemingly thinking hard about the words she chose. “Because deep down I always new, always, that I was attracted to women. I just didn’t want to accept it. Then I met you, and I still didn’t understand what people saw in marriage. But then I had only just met you. Of course I didn’t want to marry you. Then, I realised that I loved you and I still didn’t care about getting married. I don’t believe in God. Marriage is such a religious thing, I just never saw the point.”

“But, Alex, you proposed to me” Maggie asked in a whisper, shaking her head, confused.

“I know. I know. I was scared. I almost died, when Rick,” Alex stopped and shook her head, not going into details of her abduction. Even though Alex rarely spoke of it, Maggie knew it was something that plagued her nightmares. “Then I saw Kara lose Mon-El. I was so scared of losing you. I panicked. It’s not like I could take it back. It’s what you wanted, and I thought I could do it for you. It doesn’t feel right though. It feels like a lie. I didn’t want to marry you, but,” Alex stopped talking to sniffle, trying to fight back tears, unsuccessfully “I wanted to be with you, forever. I didn’t think marriage would change anything. But I just feel trapped.” Alex laughed through her tears. “Which makes no sense, because I want to be trapped with you.”

Maggie didn’t say anything. She nodded slowly as she took Alex’s words in.

“Please say something.” Alex whispered.

“I didn’t want to get married either. Every girl I was ever with before you walked out on me. They saw me for who I really was, broken and so angry at the world. They decided they didn’t want in. I always knew you would walk away too, one day. Ever since that day Kara went missing, I knew you were a flight risk. But I gave you another chance. It was a tough time for you, I got that. But every time things got hard, I was so scared that you would finally realise that the risk of losing me would be too much. That you would rather leave me than lose me. But I never let that fear make me walk away. Never. I get scared too. So when you proposed, I thought that was it. I thought I didn’t have to be scared anymore. Guess I was wrong there.” Maggie laughed, realising the irony of it all.

“Ride or die.” Alex said softly, almost to herself. No matter how tough things got, no matter how scary they would always stand by each other. They would always ride it out or die trying. “I think we both need time to think about this.”

“You don’t get to walk out on me, Alex. You just don’t. I’m so sick and so tired of just letting people that I love walk out on me. I deserve to be happy. You taught me that. You walk out on me now, and you don’t,” Maggie’s voice shook, her eyes swam with tears as she said the hardest thing she had ever had to say in her life. “You don’t get to come back. Not this time.

“Please, Maggie, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Alex, you do realise that divorce wouldn’t have to be the end, don’t you? Clearly getting married was a bad move. But we both knew that, deep down, didn’t we?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, we did. You don’t hate me, do you? Because, I don’t think I could stand that.”

“I could never. I love you, Alex. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pissed that you didn’t talk to me about this. But I could never hate you.”

Alex managed a smile. “I love you too.” Maggie had heard those words from Alex so many times, but they still made her heart skip a beat. “I just don’t know where we go from here.”

“First, we sign those papers. Marriage,” Maggie shrugged. “It just isn’t for us. And that’s okay. Not being married doesn’t mean we can’t be together. Then, we just take things one day at a time.”

One day at a time sounded good to Maggie. She didn’t want to worry about the future. She didn’t want to worry that one day Alex could walk away, like everyone else. All that mattered was the present, and being happy in it. There was no such thing as happily ever after. Those were stories that people made up to make life easier. However, there was always happiness for a time, and Maggie knew that any happiness she had with Alex was worth the sadness she would feel if and when she lost her. She didn’t mean to lose her that day though. She didn’t mean to lose her for a long, long time.

#sanvers #fanfic #fanfiction

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aryadrotting · 7 years ago

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I was tagged by @simmons-is-a-ravenclaw

A - Age: 18

B - Birthplace: Norway

.C - Current Time: 14.03

D - Drink You Last Had: Tea

E - Easiest Person To Talk To: a friend of mine who’s not on this shitsite

F - Favourite Song: rn it’s Heaven in Hiding by Halsey. It’s gonna change by next week tho

G - Grossest Memory: gutting and filleting fish after fishing about a hundred herrings

H - Horror Yes or Horror No: Horror maybe

I - In Love: Not really, kinda aro so...

J - Jealous of People: Sometimes

K - Killed Someone: Why would you like to know? Also No.

L - Love At First Sight Or Should I Walk By Again: Did I not mention I’m kinda aro

M - Middle Name:Don’t have one

N - Number of Sibling: 2, an older sister and a twin sister

O - One Wish: To be a great and powerful withch in a world of endless wonder.

P - Person You Called Last: My sister, bc I couldn’t find her when we were shopping earlier this week.

Q - Question You Are Always Asked: Why did you cut your hair? and what hair colour is that, and how did you do it? (I have a green to torquise hair rn) Soon I’m guessing ‘what does your tattoo mean?’

R - Reason to Smile: Gal Gadot as wonder Woman

S - Song You Sang Last: No Good Deed from Wicked: The Musical

T - Time You Woke Up: 11.13 am

U - Underwear Colour: Black and red

V - Vacation Destination: I’m heading to either London or Amsterdam later in the autumn, but I’ll work all summer vacation.

W - Worst Habit: procrastination

X - X-rays: I had to take one on my foot in 6th grade...

Y - Your favourite food: Tapas, chocolate lava cake and omelette norvegienne

Z - Zodiac Sign: Pisces

I tag @longlostpath @thequeercousin @lesbianuniseal and @youareasunflowersammy and anyone else who wants to do this!

#personal #abt me #asks

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tonyduncanbb73 · 6 years ago

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Boston’s Top Restaurant Standbys of 2018: Dumpling Cafe, Bar Mezzana, and More

Local food writers discuss their regular haunts of this past year

As is Eater’s annual tradition, we’re closing out 2018 by surveying local food writers (including our own staff and contributors) on various restaurant-related topics, and we’re publishing their responses in these final days of the year. Readers, please feel free to chime in with your own thoughts in the comment section below, or hop into our Facebook group to discuss — we’ll post a thread for each survey question.

Keep an eye on the Year in Eater archive page for other stories in this series.

Up first: What were your top restaurant standbys of 2018? (See the 2017 responses here.)

MC Slim JB, restaurant critic for The Improper Bostonian:

“The reconnaissance and research required for my biweekly restaurant reviews for The Improper Bostonian don’t leave much time for discretionary dining. But when I did take the occasional night off from professional eating, I found myself at a few favorite hangouts, including J.J. Foley’s Café in the South End (my local for nearly 20 years), Island Creek Oyster Bar and the Hawthorne in Kenmore Square (for Sox pre- and post-gaming), Bar Mezzana in the South End (great Italian fare, especially the crudos, and the neighborhood’s best cocktails, now tied with their new kid sister Shore Leave), Estragon in the South End (great romantic atmosphere, fabulous Madrid-style tapas), Dumpling Café in Chinatown (it has my favorite soup dumplings in town), Sichuan Gourmet (for numbing-hot, traditional Sichuan fare), and Khao Hom Thai in Billerica (superb traditional Northern and Southern Thai).

But my number-one-with-a-bullet standby was Erbaluce in Bay Village, which does Piemontese Italian, a rarity in the US. I’ve often called it my favorite fine-dining restaurant in Boston, so was gutted to learn it is closing on New Year’s Eve, effectively a victim of gentrification. I’ve been packing in more dinners than usual there since, and will get some more before year-end. I know Chuck and Joan will land somewhere soon, but goddamn it, that was the worst dining news of the year to me.”

Jacqueline Cain, deputy food editor at Boston magazine:

“Flour Dalton, Render Coffee, Chilacates, the Corner Tavern, the Behan, Parlor Sports, Row 34, Eventide Fenway.”

Erin Kuschner, food writer for Boston.com:

“Exodus Bagels in Jamaica Plain became my go-to breakfast spot this year, though if you want their Everywhere bagel on the weekend (essentially an Everything bagel but with seeds on all sides) you have to get there early. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don’t, but I love everything that comes out of their kitchen. Whenever I need a sweet treat, I find the nearest Flour and order the carrot cake. And the Brendan Behan Pub is my favorite watering hole. Their beer selection is great, and the music is on point every single time.”

Jolyon Helterman, contributing editor/food writer at Boston magazine:

“My apartment overlooks the Chinatown gate, meaning that neighborhood figures in to my weekly rotation in an outsize way. I am not complaining. This year I racked up double-digit loyalty points at Dumpling Cafe (pork soup dumplings, sizzling Sichuan-style flounder), 5 Spices House (mala anything, cumin lamb), Shojo (shadowless fries and the stupidly good stir-fried greens, of all things), China Gourmet, Great Taste Bakery, and New Shanghai. In my household, we treat Kaze, the shabu shabu joint on the corner of Essex and Harrison, less like a restaurant choice than a daily dining-mode option (“Hey, babe, you want delivery, Kaze, leftovers...?”). Once upon a time my go-to order was prime ribeye–meat bouillon–rice plus one à la carte supplement. Lately, I’ve been on a short-rib kick, plus a side of one of the homemade shrimp or fish pastes, which, when splatted down into the gurgling cauldron, immediately turn into dumpling-ish blobs that soak up the concentrated tallow-beaded broth in a super-satisfying way.

On date-night rotation: Bar Mezzana, Erbaluce, Terra, Cafe Sushi, the Butcher Shop, Branch Line, Grill 23. For impressing visiting foodies: Waypoint, Myers & Chang, O Ya, Uni, Little Donkey, Select Oyster Bar, Tiger Mama, Bisq, Saltie Girl. On delivery speed-dial: Cafe Jaffa (lamb-beef shawarma salad with house-made green zhoug!), Tiger Mama, Sweet Cheeks, Sumiao, Dumpling Cafe, Mamaleh’s, Little Donkey, Coppa, Pho Pasteur, Ruckus, Area Four.”

Eric Twardzik, contributor to The Food Lens, Boston.com, and more:

“I can’t get away from Chinatown. The wild flavors at Gene’s Flatbread continue to turn pedestrian weekday lunches into special events. (I stick to the hand-pulled noodles in spring and summer and slurp the house noodle soup all fall and winter long.) Gourmet Dumpling House and Shojo continue to be my go-to spots for group dinners or friend visits. This year I began spending more time at Dumpling Cafe (I found their soup dumplings to be slightly more manageable) and finally discovered the wonders of Wai Wai as well.

Outside of that neighborhood, I spent countless mornings at Tatte, where ever-new pastries and specials staved off potential breakfast fatigue. Select Oyster Bar was a favorite destination for date nights: I think I had their whole-roasted, “taverna style” sea bream on all but one visit. 13 years in, Toro continues to be amazing, and my girlfriend and I make a beeline for it when we’re hungry early enough to get in. And whenever I felt indulgent, I’d make it over to Drink for one of their near-perfect burgers and a Vesper.”

Marc Hurwitz, founder of Boston’s Hidden Restaurants and Boston Restaurant Talk, restaurant critic for Dig Boston, and more:

“As always, it’s tough to do repeat visits to dining and drinking spots when you’re trying to review so many places, but I did find myself going to Cagney’s in Quincy quite often (in part because they do whiskey flights and have chicken tenders smothered in cheddar cheese and bacon), and I also got to Santarpio’s in East Boston several times for their old-school pizza and Newbridge Cafe in Chelsea for their steak tips and absurdly huge steak fries/potato wedges. As for takeout, Qingdao Garden in Cambridge and the Restaurant in Woburn were a couple that I hit a number of times for their Chinese fare and Greek food, respectively.”

Oset Babur, co-founder of The Thirty-One Percent, food (and more) writer for a variety of publications, and digital strategist/editor/staff writer for Harvard Magazine:

“Pammy’s: If I had a restaurant, I’d want it to feel exactly like Pammy’s. In fact, I have to actively encourage myself to go get drinks and dinner at places that aren’t just Pammy’s. I’m working on it.

Cafe Sushi: Great sushi doesn’t have to be pretentious, and Cafe Sushi figured that out. Their lunch bento box is my favorite way to treat myself at the end of a particularly rough week — it’s a ton of fresh seafood, dumplings, and miso soup for less than $15.”

J.Q. Louise, blogger at http://jqlouise.com and food writer at the Boston Herald:

“Since opening a couple years ago, Pagu has become a go-to whenever I’m craving that blend of east and west. I said it in my book, Boston Food Crawls, and I’ll say it again, ‘If you have one meal to eat in Cambridge, it must be at Pagu.’ Sitting at the bar at No. 9 Park with a plate of steak frites is always a cozy way to spend a winter’s night. Gourmet Dumpling House is one of my absolute favorite places in town: Consistent, mouth-watering dishes are exactly why I head there after a long day. And finally, Carmelina’s belly-warming Italian cuisine truly soothes the soul any day of the week.”

Sam Hiersteiner, contributor to the Boston Globe and more:

“Brassica Kitchen & Cafe, Eventide Oyster Co., Waypoint, Alden & Harlow, Pammy’s, Commonwealth, Mamaleh’s, Smoke Shop BBQ, Little Big Diner, Chilacates, Sichuan Gourmet House, Woodman’s of Essex, Flour.”

Dana Hatic, associate editor of Eater Boston:

“Darwin’s Ltd., Saloniki, Longfellows/Lamplighter, Moona.”

Terrence B. Doyle, reporter for Eater Boston:

“I don’t want to see how much money I spent between Deep Ellum, Lone Star, Habanero, S&I Thai, and Coreanos in 2018. My appetite is happy to have so much good food in Allston; my bank account is not.”

Rachel Leah Blumenthal, editor of Eater Boston:

“Due to the nature of the job, I don’t end up having time/appetite/budget to turn too many full-service restaurants into standbys, so my list is casual and close to home. I joke that I find myself at Somerville’s Bow Market daily, and that’s not far from the truth: I spend a fair amount of mornings drinking tea, eating pastries (from Salem’s excellent A&J King!), and using wifi at Remnant Brewing; I’d happily eat ‘nada dogs at Buenas and pizza and roast beef sandwiches at Hot Box on a near-daily basis; and I’m currently writing this on a champagne hangover from Rebel Rebel, the amazing little wine bar I’ve visited the past two nights in a row.

Outside of Bow but still in Union Square, Capone Foods is probably my most frequent lunch choice for the sandwich of the day (hint: Tuesday is meatball day); I also get to Ebi for sushi as often as I can, and Casa B for cocktails.

Outside of Union Square, my heart belongs to Thai newcomer Dakzen. I get cravings for it every day and generally manage to get there a few times a month. I also make it to Yume Ga Arukara for udon whenever I’m willing to wait in the epic line. And I’ll throw in a shoutout for my go-to cheap pizza spot, too: Newtowne Grille.”

Rachel Leah Blumenthal/Eater

Udon at Yume Ga Arukara

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thisonesforyouamerica · 7 years ago

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Let’s talk about MEP’s, baby.

It’s 9 am and I get a phone call from my recruiter. My second choice MOS had come available and he reserved it for me. I have 7 days to go up to MEPs, pass the physical, sign a contract and swear in. I was shaking with nothing but nervous energy. I’ve come so far in this process to where I honestly had lost all of my motivation and was questioning everything and trying to decide if I even wanted to enlist after all.

I agreed to go up to MEPs even though I was unsure, because I was finally having a chance I had been working towards so I figured I’d take it and pray to god that this is what was meant to happen. From the moment I was offered this MOS, I had this strange feeling in my gut that something wasn’t going to go right. So I obviously held myself from being excited about going because my gut hasn’t failed me yet, so better safe than sorry.

Tried contacting my recruiter the next day to find out everything I needed to take to MEPs and he didn’t answer. Strange, right? I decided to just ask my friends who have enlisted and gone through the MEPs process before and felt confident in their information. So I waited until Monday, the day before I was heading up to MEPs, and I get a text from my recruiter saying to go to the office that afternoon and talk with the 1st Sgt.

No big deal, I go in, my recruiter is no where to be found. The 1st Sgt didn’t even know why I was coming into the office. So I explained how I didn’t know what I was supposed to do for tomorrow or what I needed to bring. He was shocked my recruiter hadn’t told me anything. Apparently my recruiter went on leave the day after he reserved my spot and didn’t even bother letting me know I would need to ask another recruiter for information he should have given me.

One of the other recruiters sits down with me and gives me the MEPs brief and is in shock at how my recruiter didn’t even bother giving me the details of my MOS, where I would be going for basic training, when I would be leaving for basic training or where I would be going for AIT. You know that gut feeling I had before? Yeah, figured out what it was for. My projected ship date was only FOUR WEEKS out. Instant panic set in because I am no where near where I need to be physically, especially with running, to make it through basic training.

I acted calm and collected and only panicked on the inside. Finished out the brief, got all of the information I needed. The recruiter stressed that if I didn’t swear in at MEPs or got kicked back for some reason, I would need to call them and let them know and then find my own ride back from phoenix instead of taking the shuttle they sent me up on.

Tuesday comes and I’m at the recruiting office with my bag and paperwork ready to go. I go through another briefing, basically going over everything I had put down medically on my paperwork, when apparently my recruiter once again, left information out. By now it was too late to fix it because it had already been sent up to MEPs. I discussed some things with my mom and boyfriend who had dropped me off and were waiting for me to leave, and that gut feeling still hadn’t gone away. In fact, it was just getting worse.

I get on the shuttle and we head up to Phoenix, there was about 7 of us on the shuttle. We go and get checked into our rooms and we’re assigned our roommates. My roommate was actually really cool. I had been worried I would get stuck with someone awful, but she was great. She was 17 and going into the Navy with hopes of getting Nuclear Engineering. Clearly she’s better at math than I am.

We went down to dinner and made friends with two of the girls on our floor, both of them were going Army like myself. If I took away anything from my entire MEPs experience, it was that I made some really cool new friends and learned to have a whole new level of patience, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

After dinner we waited for the final briefing of the evening and then headed to our rooms since our wake up call was for 0400. Somehow I managed to actually pass out and get a good nights sleep. Next morning we checked out, grabbed a quick breakfast and headed to MEPs at 0500.

We get off the bus and in double lines head into the building, we go through security and head over to the offices for the branch you’re there for. We hand over our paper work, grab our name tags and go to the check in station. Apparently a lot of my paperwork had incorrect information, my recruiter had managed to not only put down the wrong address but he managed to spell my name wrong repeatedly. Once we finished with that, they sent us upstairs to get our files and head into the medical briefing.

They sent those of us going into the Army, down to the testing center to take the TAPAS test, basically to make sure we’re crazy enough to join the Army, but not too crazy to where we’ll lose our shit and kill someone. I go to head down to the testing center with one of my new friends and one of the nurses collects our file and sends us down. We get down to the testing center, and of course, we need our file that was taken from us. So we get sent over to the Army office to collect a form so we don’t have to go searching, again, for our file. We take the test and head back up to medical.

We finish the briefing and they proceed to take our blood pressure and heart rate, mind you, I’ve just been going up and down stairs, I’m stressed and nervous. Plus, I’ve had to pee since 0400 because they told us to hold it until we went to UA to do the piss test. They take my blood pressure and it comes out perfect, but for some reason they say I need to go see one of the interviewing doctors because theres something wrong with my blood pressure.

Strange right? Turns out, they messed up, I was supposed to have gone in to redo my heart rate. The nurse recorded my heart rate as 128bpm, anything 100+ is grounds to have it redone and if it doesn’t improve, you’re kicked off the floor and sent home. Well, the nurse tried to get me kicked off the floor before the doctor even redid my heart rate, she kept saying at how I needed a cardiologist consult and an EKG because something might be wrong with me, naturally making me worry.

The doctor insisted on rechecking my heart rate and naturally it was 110bpm. He decides theres nothing wrong and I don’t need to be kicked off the floor and get to continue with the process. Next step after that was UA, I finally got to pee, or so I thought. Instead I get pulled in for the blood draw. Mind you I’m scared of needles so that wasn’t fun in the slightest.

After that I finally got to pee, it was the longest piss of my life. Once I finished there and was approved, I got sent to hearing for the hearing test. After that I made my way over to vision. The same nurse who tried to kick me off the floor did my vision test, but I noticed she barely wrote anything down on my chart.

After that she took me to another nurse and demanded that I needed an EKG, even though the doctor said I didn't need one. The nurse ran the first EKG and it came back abnormal, but they also didn’t change any of the information on the EKG to actually fit my profile. They had me listed as a 40 year old male. Two more EKG’s and they all say “abnormal rhythm.”

Clearly that’s not a good sign, so I’m genuinely worried at this point that there could actually be something wrong with my heart, instead of kicking me off the floor like they're supposed to, they decide to send me in for the interview with the female doctor who determines if I pass the physical or not.

After discussing my medical history with the doctor and her agreeing there wasn't anything wrong, she sends me on to the next step which was the various exercises and the rest of the physical. They lined me up in my bra and underwear and took my height and weight. I managed to lose 5lbs the week before running around at Disneyland, so I was stoked, but they measured me at 57in when I needed to be 58in to make the minimum height requirement for the Army.

They didn’t say anything about my height being a problem, they just ignored it and continued with the physical. All of us girls did our physical and exercises and the doctor brought us in individually to the exam room to tell us if we were going to be able to swear in today or not.

The doctor told me everything was on track, gave me my file and told me to go to the desk to proceed with swearing in. I get to the desk and they have me wait for about 10 minutes while they input all of my paperwork into the system. They called me over and said everything was in order and were about to hand me the paper to take to the Army office down stairs to sign a contract and swear in, but right as they were about to hand it over, they took it back and said I wouldn’t be able to enlist today.

They said I need to go to a cardiologist to have a consult and until then I’m being deferred, not disqualified. Which, wasn’t as bad as being disqualified, it just ultimately sucked because my MOS I had reserved was released and someone else picked it up. This meant I wouldn’t be going to basic training in 4 weeks, I wouldn’t be going in as a Human Resources Specialist with an $11,000 signing bonus.

So I took myself down to the office and the liaison was super friendly and told me to call my recruiter to make sure I was set to come back on the shuttle. None of the recruiters answered my call. I called the office line directly and when I said who was calling they hung up. I received a text saying I needed to find my own ride back from Phoenix. I talked with the liaison and they made sure I had a spot on the shuttle back.

Halfway home I received another text saying I needed to go into the recruiting office the next day to speak with the 1st Sgt about what happened at MEPs. At this point I was just mad, frustrated and part of me actually felt sad even though I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted.

I broke the news to my family who was mad and upset, yet some how felt that everything that had happened was my fault. The next day comes and my mom and I go to the office, and imagine that, only one recruiter was there and the 1st Sgt wasn't even in the office. He didn’t even show up to my appointment. I was pissed. The other recruiter tried to tell me that I was permanently disqualified and that they had me listed as being 4ft 7inches.

Wrong. So wrong. I was measured in at 4ft 9inches when I needed to be 4ft 10inches. I tried to tell them that it was 100% possible to get a height waiver for 1 inch below standards, but they kept telling me I was making things up. It was incredibly clear that this recruiting office was no longer going to work for me.

So here I am now, a little beaten down, stressed out and in search of a new recruiter who actually helps me and doesn’t mess up my paper work. I’m now trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want. I might consider switching branches all together, but until then, I’ve set up my appointment to get my heart checked out and once I have those results, I’ll either continue on the hunt for the right Army recruiter, or I’ll have figured out a new path I’ll take and see where it leads.

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littlebellucci-blog · 8 years ago

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...

eI don’t know how to start this off or what to say, but here goes.. My current love sitation is a very tricky one. Well, more than tricky. It’s wrong and it’s secretive and it’s passionate and stupid all at the same time. Let me start by saying who this person is that i’ve fallen madly in love with. This person is my boss. This man and has two kids and has been married for over 10 years, with her for almost 20 I guess.. I’m his receptionist and yes, it’s as cliche as it sounds.

We never were that close in the beginning. I always felt kind of awkward next to him and didn’t really know my place. It was a new job for me; my first real job, and I knew I needed to make this work because I just felt lost. I dropped out of college, this job literally fell into my lap and I just needed to make it work. I didn’t plan to be here for over 2 years now but I have. I built a relationship with many people at the office, especially my boss. For secretive purposes, i’ll call him Tom.

Tom and I began very close and I really don’t even remember how. We just kinda clicked. I thought back of when we started becoming close and it was probably a good year and a bit into me working there. At first he told me basically he didn’t think I would work out there. I was young, didn’t know anything, but quickly turned that around. He knew how much of an asset I became to his business and we started getting close. Friendship close.

I wouldn’t consider it a flirty relationship at the beginning. It was a kind of stupid humor between us if that makes any sense. I don’t really know, but again, we just clicked. We started texting a lot outside of work. He would send me funny pictures of his kids and things they did, or he would see something funny and show me, even random articles online about my favourite actors. We started getting comfortable with each other and I guess this is where it started.

I noticed we started becoming very flirty with each other and getting a long very well. Sexual innuendos started happening, the jokes became a little dirtier. He spoke to me about things he told me himself that he’s never even told his wife before and said he could never tell her. Fast forwarding a bit, he mentioned to me that he’s closer to me than he is to his own wife. Anyways...

This is where I think I really began to fall for him. We started going out a lot. On lunch, after work, even on the weekends. He started picking me up at my house in the east end of the city just to grab breakfast with me before we started work on the Saturday. This was more than a couple times. But there was one day after work on a Saturday he took me to a Tapas place where there was all delicious foods and wine and it was the first time I tried a Spanish white wine that i’ve fallen completely in love with. We were already close but for some reason this afternoon felt a little different.. It felt almost like a date. I had three glasses of wine I think that afternoon and was feeling pretty light headed, and I really don’t remember what we spoke about but I mentioned something about my tummy and he reached over and gently rubbed the back of his fingers across my stomach and just looked at me. I didn’t flinch or back away or get weirded out like I would normally do when someone reaches for that area but I just felt something for him in that moment. It was the weirdest feeling but I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt something.

Fast forward to weeks later.. Work was getting very stressful and we were tired and overwhelmed and just needed a break. He asked one day if I wanted to go out one night with him. One night where we just needed to get some drinks after work and just let loose. I agreed 100% and he almost seemed shocked that I did. Over anything he’s someone i’ve grown incredibly close to and someone I would call one of my closest friends so of course I would love to grab a drink with him. But it was different.. He mentioned how we should get some caviar and wine, have it at the office and after we could take off and hit up a bar. I’ve never tried caviar before but I knew it was fancy! I don’t do fancy at all... So it was very exciting for me.

One day on lunch in the middle of the week, we went into the city to a supermarket (which was pretty fancy) and picked up some caviar. He got the most expensive one they had and we were off. I remember him mentioning something about getting me flowers now that I think back. On the way out they had some flowers in some water for sale by the doors and I remember him making a comment! He said something along the lines of “You look good carrying those bags, I should get you flowers too!” Or something like that.. But you get my drift. On our walk back to work he was telling me stories and he mentioned one about a teacher he had when he was in highschool who was young and beautiful and he mentioned to me “she looked exactly like you now that I think about it”. I remember blushing because he’s never really made a comment on my looks before being beautiful or anything like that.. It may sound stupid but I loved the attention he was giving me. I loved how special he made me feel..

Friday finally came. I knew it was the day we were going to hang out and all day I never felt any nerves or whatever until mid day. We had the bottle of wine in the fridge downstairs next to the caviar and he came back from lunch and told me he picked up two wine glasses because it would be a shame to drink that wine out of a plastic cup. For some reason I had a feeling in my stomach something was going to happen.. Because let’s be honest, I could drink boxed wine with a straw and feel no ways. The fact he went out of his way to go buy two wine glasses just for us to “hang out” said something... To me anyways. And that’s when I felt the nerves a little bit. I felt like I was going to be going on a date. The end of the day came and as everyone left and it was just the two of us, I started to get jittery. Excited but nervous and I didn’t know why. He changed out of work clothes in his office as I was downstairs prepping the wine and washing the glasses and getting the caviar out. He came down and he just looked so handsome I don’t know what it was. We sat down and were just talking. It was nice to just unwind with him and talk about things other than work. He started playing soft music off his phone and I just felt something I can truly say I have NEVER felt before for anyone. When we got to the caviar he asked if he could feed me. I remember laughing and thinking what am I, a baby? That’s when he mentioned he loved my laugh and I had the best lips he’s ever seen. I remember him staring at them. I remember he reached over and touched them. I felt something. I remember licking my lips and looking at him. I remember we were telling each other stories and having heart to hearts about life and just connecting with one another. It felt so nice. Before I knew it we completely downed the bottle of wine and I was already feeling light headed and drunk, let’s be honest here. That’s when he mentioned we’re going out and we’re going to go downtown to the clubbing district and go to this one bar. (Clearly, he’s been planning this evening for a little while now..)

I was feeling a little off and sick, maybe it was my gut telling me something or maybe it was because I had just downed a bottle of wine with this man, but I wasn’t ready yet. I wanted to stick somewhere close and he agreed. We went to this bar around the corner from the office and there was a lounge upstairs. We went upstairs and got a booth and I remember there was a huge party going on and it was close to Christmas. This is where the night really takes off.

We ordered a couple of rounds of drinks here and this is when we really started talking. We spoke about me being single and how I hate dating and all this, and he mentioned to me that I could have anyone I want. I was stunning. I was this and I was that. Then he said, and I quote, “... If I was single, you don’t even know what I would want to do right now...” And I remember taking a second and thinking “Wait, what?” And I didn’t say anything other than “Really?” And he said “Yes, of course”. That’s when I knew he had been feeling the same way i’ve been feeling this entire time. The drinks were flowing and I started to feel a little frisky and in the moment. For some reason I just wanted to have his attention on me. No one else. And it was.

We decided to leave there and head deeper into the city and we ended up at this bar that he had been planning to take me to this entire night. I was incredibly under-dressed because I was still in work clothes, haven’t showered or anything and I was actually on my period as well. I just felt (looks wise) un-sexy but his eyes were glued to me the entire night.

This bar was in the middle of the room and was pretty large. We found a spot, took off our jackets and just chilled. We ordered more drinks and looking back, easily we each had about 10 drinks, not including the entire bottle of wine we downed back at the office.. So things were a little tipsy but I remember everything. We’re at this bar and it started getting busy and louder and louder and we had no choice but to basically yell into each others’ ear to have a conversation. This is when I got the tingles all over. Every single time he leaned over to tell me something, I felt him come close and the heat of his breath on the side of my neck while he spoke as his lips were basically on my ear made my knees go weak.

I started feeling the alcohol and just feeling the moment. I wasn’t paying attention but found myself leaning onto the bar. I looked over at him and he had taken a step back to stare at my body. He was just gazing. That’s when he came close to me and said “I hope you don’t get offended... But you have the cutest ass i’ve ever seen”. I remember laughing and said “Thank you!” His hand was on the lower part of my back just above my ass and I remember the feeling of how big his hands were on that part of my body and that by far is one of my biggest weaknesses. That’s when he mentioned he had to use to restroom and he’ll be right back. He came back and I said I had to do the same. I remember giving myself a pep talk wondering if something was going to happen tonight or what the fuck. I shook myself off and headed back to the bar.. And this is where it happened.

We spoke some more and I don’t remember what I said or even what he said in that moment. But I took a sip of my drink, put it on the bar, looked over at him and he leaned in and kissed me. I remember feeling shocked as if I forgot who was right in front of me. Who I was with. It felt like a blur. We pulled away and just looked at each other. And I remember panicking. I remember laughing but saying “No way!” “Did this just happen!?” And saying his name over and over asking “What just happened! We can’t do this!” And he said that we’re both adults and know what we’re doing. And he kissed me again. And he kissed me hard. I felt everything. I felt chills, I had goosebumps over my entire body. I knew I didn’t want to stop. Whenever we pulled away from each other, I reached back over to him to kiss him. I couldn’t stop. I wanted more. That’s when he asked if I wanted to get out of there and I agreed.

He held my hand and pulled me through the bar outside and just pulled me through the streets of the city. He held my hand the entire time. We were walking somewhere, i don’t even think we knew where but we got to a point where we saw a little nook in the side of a building and he pulled me into it and just started kissing me and kissing me hard. He was whispering things into my ear, telling me he wants my pussy in his mouth. He was telling me how bad he wants to taste me and how bad he wants to fuck me. I remember laughing and just thinking “WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!?” Like it was a dream. This is my boss! My boss who’s married and who has two children. This didn’t feel at all real. But I knew I wanted him more than anything. We ordered an Uber and headed back to the office. He pulled me into one of the treatment spaces and pulled the curtain back. He was kissing me hard and I knew he wanted to taste me and play with me. I was on my period and wasn’t ready AT ALL for this so I had no choice but to pull away even though I wanted him more than anything in that moment. He pulled my shirt up and started sucking on my nipples and grabbing my body. He wanted to devour me and he made it known. I kept telling him we shouldn’t be doing this but everything just felt so right. He had jeans on and he was standing infront of me and I could feel how hard he was through them and I wanted him bad. But I couldn’t. I jumped up and said I had to go, we can’t do this. I was trying so hard. So fucking hard. He agreed and apologized and offered to get me an Uber home from downtown (which is super expensive on a now early Saturday morning by the way). We ordered the Uber and before it came he couldn’t keep his hands and his mouth off of me. I loved every second of it. I didn’t want to leave but I had to. The Uber pulled up and we said our goodbyes. I was supposed to see him that next morning for work...

The next morning was a no-go from me. I texted him and said i’m exhausted, I won’t be in and he obviously said yes because he knew the night we had. He said no problem and he’ll see me on Monday. And that was that. I remember seeing him Monday morning, both with the biggest smiles on our faces. We just started an office romance that absolutely nobody knew about. And that’s what kept it so spicy and sexy.

After that night out we hooked up in his office literally every single day for weeks. He kissed me every day and that lead to touching and more kissing but we kept it at that, nothing else. Until one day on lunch I asked him what he wanted to eat for lunch and he said “You”. And picked me up, laid me on my back in his office and went down on me. I can’t even express how good it felt and how right it felt. The feeling of his fingers inside me and his tongue all over me made me swoon. I’ve never felt this feeling of ecstasy before and I never wanted it to stop. We did this on our LUNCH BREAK! While everyone in the office was downstairs eating their lunch, my boss was eating me in his office. I remember the entire day my body was trembling I wanted him so bad. I wanted him to fuck me more than anything.

Fast forward to days later, we were in his office after work, again, hooking up and he was kissing me and touching me. He slipped his fingers inside me through my pants and told me to take my pants off. I didn’t do as he said and he told me again to take them off. I didn’t listen. That’s when he did it for me. He pulled them off of me and as they were around my ankles he told me one last time to take them completely off. That’s when I just turned around and bent over. He got on his knees and started eating me from behind and that’s when he did it. He slipped his dick inside me and I felt how big he was. He started fucking me and it felt so good, I can’t even begin to explain it. He started putting work on me and taking off as much of my clothes as he could. I remember him sitting in his chair and I started riding him reverse cowgirl and he said I was a pro. That’s always nice to hear! We were there for what felt like eternity and I never wanted it to end. I felt like I was on a different planet every time we fucked. I feel like when he kissed me it meant something. I felt special to him. I felt love and I felt sexy and I felt powerful at the same time. But I also felt wrong and terrible because I was officially labeled as his mistress... A word I absolutely hate, yet apparently love at the same time.

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evangelinedanvers · 8 years ago

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Three Times Maggie Let Alex Walk Away & The One Time she Didn't (Part I)

Also on Ao3

“We're analyzing thermal residue to look for any electromagnetic component to these weapons, so that we can create a countermeasure.”

“How are you feeling? Any better?”

“Well, after you file your report, do you want to go do something? There's a great pinball bar that I know Or that Food Channel guy's new tapas place opened.”

“Maggie, that's not what I meant.”

“What do you mean?” She slipped out of her jacket, wanting for nothing more than to get in her car, drive away, get back to the precinct and lose herself in paperwork.

“I just thought that we could go and have some fun. Keep each other company.”

“Yes. Why? Why, what's wrong with that?” Alex lowered her eyebrows slightly, seeming confused

Maggie smiled, relieved. She was so relieved that it wasn’t happening again. “Nothing, I just I think I read you wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn't know you were into girls.”

Alex’s eyes widened. “I'm not.”

“No.I mean no offense, Maggie.”

“No, I get it. You're not gay.”

“Right.”

“You okay Maggie?”

“What?” Maggie asked, the voice of her colleague pulling her out of a daze. “Yeah, yeah.” She shrugged. “I’m okay.” She smiled. “Always am.”

Maggie shook her head. “It’s not a case?”

Barbara raised an eyebrow. “No? A girl then? Hey, you’re not still hung up on that ex of yours are you? Sounds to me like you can do better than her.”

“Come on. We’re not friends outside of work. What you tell me will stay in these four walls.”

Barbara nodded. “Yeah, I know that feeling. You don’t seem very happy though. Why?”

“She’s straight. At least she says she is.”

“And by that you mean?”

Barbara let go of Maggie’s hand. “You’re not stupid. Unfortunately the brain and the heart aren’t always in sync.”

Maggie picked up her pen again, and started to write on her case notes, not wanting to think any longer. “Yeah, and don’t I know it.” She muttered.

#sanvers #maggie sawyer #alex danvers #supergirl #fanfic #fanfiction

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