#why is my body falling apart again lmao i thought i could will my way out of it
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feels like I dislocated/sprained my wrist in my sleep... wtf
#why is my body falling apart again lmao i thought i could will my way out of it#just like my doctor told me#but nope. guess the health issues without apparent cause and the chronic pain are here to stay#with random flare ups when i don't need them. like today#painful wrist means diminished grip strength which means struggling to do my required tasks at work#and more risk of dropping things. love that for myself honestly
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HALLO NISHI !! congratulations on reaching 300 followers, i’m so proud of you!! i’m always so excited seeing ur works 🍀
for your cafe event i wanted to order rin, sweet flavor, laying your head on their chest + best friends to lovers ><
ORDER 5: READY TO GO !
rin + sweet + laying your head on their chest + best friends to lovers w.c. 1.4k+
note. thank you rurumi <33 once again, exceeded 1k+ but are we even surprised atp? i literally dk how to make my fics shorter LMAO (and again, ty minjee for proofreading)
interested in more? check out the lounge !
starting your morning by waking up wrapped in someone’s arms was unexpected, to say the least.
as you started to make sense of your surroundings, trying to blink away the traces of sleep, you came to realization that you must have knocked out from exhaustion. that would be the only logical reasoning as to why your apartment was in the state that it was. an absolute mess. wrappers from your midnight snacks were still scattered on the ground, and you could make out the blurry outline of a mug of some drink, placed on the console table, across the room. the music from your playlist, one you vaguely remember putting on last night, was still quietly playing from your phone. it was somewhere in the room, but your mind was foggy, and you couldn’t recall where you had last placed it.
you didn’t care all that much, though. there were more pressing issues, starting with the first. you winced as you tried to lift your head, immediately placing your head back down as the feeling overwhelmed you. there was a slight throbbing and pressure on the crown of your head, your whole body felt heavy, and your eyes were blurry and unfocused— a product of countless all-nighters. every once and a while, you would be hit with the sensation of pinching in your brain, and you would have to bite back a groan each time.
there was that issue, and then there was this. maybe the effects of sleep deprivation were finally starting to catch up with you. because, frankly, you weren’t sure how you ended up in this position. one minute, you were slumped over the coffee table, with piles of notes and textbooks scattered across its surface, trying to make sense of the words as they all blurred into one blurry block. somewhere along the way, the feeling of sleepiness had crept over you, one that you had desperately tried to stave off.
evidently, it won. because the next minute, you were waking up— you tried to crane your head to glance upwards, and your heart stilled for a second— in rin’s arms?
in this situation, your initial reaction typically would’ve been to flinch, immediately jump out of his arms, and potentially wake him up and aggravate him along the way. but your body was still exhausted, and he was much more inviting and comfier than you had anticipated him to be. (well, not that you thought about laying on his chest often. definitely not.) admittedly, a part of you didn’t want to leave.
the steady rise and fall of his chest was soothing, and with the side of your head pressed against his chest, you could hear the slow and rhythmic beating of his heart. his body felt warm against yours, a contrast to the chilly winter air that slipped past your windows, and he was your equivalent to a blanket. this position had also given you a somewhat unobstructed view of his face. he looked serene, at peace, the calmest he’s probably ever been. the semi-permanent crease between his brows had softened into a more passive state, and the frown of his lips was nowhere to be seen. it was a rare sight to see.
you realized that this would be the closest you would ever be to him (though, unintentionally, you think?) so, of course you wanted to stay, but you knew better. you tried to wiggle your way out of his arms, but his hold on you was surprisingly firm.
you took a deep breath, shifting slightly, trying to reach behind you to peel his arms off of you. he’s stubborn, even in his sleep, you realize, and his arms go right back to where they were the second you take them off. you bite the inside of your cheek, trying not to sigh out of frustration, careful to not wake him up. but it’s uncomfortable reaching behind you for extended periods of time, and your shoulders were starting to cramp from stretching backwards. and after two more failed attempts, you give up, letting your arm awkwardly rest at your sides.
you lay there, frozen and at a loss for what to do. then, your mind starts to spiral. would he get mad? will he yell at you? will he push you off and onto the floor the second he wakes up? the twitching of rin’s hand, his palms sliding over from the small of your back to the sides of your waist, snaps you out of it.
you glance up at him, hoping he wouldn’t be awake, just to be met with teal eyes staring right back at you. you throw him a sheepish and awkward smile as he blinks at you, before you look away. looking anywhere but him. another second passes, and he blinks again— “you’re up,” he points out, voice rough from sleep, and completely unphased.
“yeah,” you respond, trying to act casual. your heart was in overdrive at this point, and you were mildly confused at the lack of reaction from him. was he not mad? “looks like i fell asleep on you, haha.” internally, you cringe at your awkward laugh.
he blinks again, clearly still under the haziness of sleep.
he doesn’t respond to you immediately, however, instead grunting as he moved so that you weren’t practically falling off of him and the couch. which, you hadn't even noticed up until that point. but you were now directly laying on top of him, cheek smushed against the fabric of his shirt, feeling his muscles flex with each movement, and becoming increasingly aware of just how close he really was. (it hit you before, but it was really hitting you now.)
“you fell right on top of me and then knocked out,” he finally responds, after a few seconds. completely brushing over the fact that he had essentially pulled you closer, rather than pushing you away. acting normal. “you were studying hard, so didn’t wanna wake you.”
“...oh,” you mutter dumbly. it was all you could think to say. “oops. sorry.”
rin scoffs at the lame apology, but there was softness in his eyes as he glanced down at you, one that told you that he probably wasn’t as annoyed as he tried to make himself out to be. “don’t get used to it,” he mutters, though, there was no malice in his voice. “and don’t overwork yourself.”
there’s a thump in your heart, and you ignore it.
“yep, noted.” you agree. there’s a momentary pause as you collect yourself, wondering what to say next and whether you should finally get up. though your heart was begging you not to, your mind was trying to be logical. “i should probably get up now, i still have some material to review.”
but rin’s response is immediate, this time. “you’re still sleepy, aren’t you?” his deep voice was still as flat as ever— yet, with a hint of gentleness? oddly adamant about not letting go of you, but you don’t question it. “just go back to sleep, i don’t care.”
he was trying to avoid saying, "i don't mind," but you know him better than that.
your eyes widen at his words, shooting to meet his gaze, and for a moment, the two of you just stare at each other. a part of you wanted to joke around and ask, what did you do with the real rin? but decided against it, at the fact that he might actually push you off this time.
maybe you were simply deflecting.
because the thought of going back to sleep in his arms, laying on his chest, made you feel weird. a good, but also anxiety-inducing, type of weird— like the feeling of swarms of butterflies fluttering uncontrollably in your stomach, or the jittery excitement passing over your body in waves, and the way your heart jumps at the idea of him letting you stay this close. it makes you feel all fuzzy inside.
“uh— are you sure?” you try to unravel yourself from him, but his hands ever-so-slightly tighten their grip around your waist, keeping you flush against him. his nonverbal cue to make you stay. but still, “i know you don’t really like it when people are all up in your personal space, like this.”
he sighs, and you see the way he refrains from playfully rolling his eyes at you. “just go back to sleep, idiot.”
“right, okay,” you mumble, still unsure, but letting your head rest against his chest again. it's instantaneous. one of his hands immediately creeps onto the back of your head, fingers threading through the strands of your hair, and he’s practically cradling you. you fail to fight back the contented sigh that slips past your lips at the feeling, and you don’t see the small smile on his face. “maybe just a little longer.”
and the two of you settle into one another.
rin doesn’t say anything more, letting the silence fall over the two of you as you’re lulled back into sleep. he simply adjusts his hold on you, one hand still on the back of your head, the other arm now loosely wrapped around your waist.
“sleep well,” he mumbles softly, careful not to rouse you.
© rindreamery, 2024
#ᯓ★ nishi's dessert lounge .ᐟ#blue lock#blue lock fluff#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#itoshi rin#itoshi rin x reader#itoshi rin fluff
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my favorite scully and mulder moments from s5
in episode 1, mulder sneakily enters scully's apartment. he sits in the dark in silence; as she gets undressed for bed, he says “keep going, FBI woman”, which only slightly surprises her (her face is shocked, but she doesn't yell; just asks "mulder? what are you doing? why are you sitting in my bedroom in the dark?" which is an incredibly reasonable question! he tells her that he killed a man, and she thinks he is joking, so he clarifies that he isn't)
scully waking up in the hospital bed in episode 2 to mulder by her side- she’s worried someone will see him as they just spent a good amount of time faking his death, but he smiles, grabs her hand, sits on the bed, and kisses her cheek, saying “i’m officially among the undead” (WAHHHH)
(and when she is so worried about how he will have to confess everything, including killing that guy, he does his best to prevent her from dwelling on it- “hey scully, how about those yankees?”)
how she very seriously warns him that skinner is the guy on the inside, and he’s touching her face, saying no, he’s not; mulder knows that skinner made the deal with CSM, but she doesn't know he risked his career and life to save her
and then she offers to take the fall for shooting that guy, saying “mulder, if i can’t save you, let me at least give some meaning to what’s happened to me” (tears. TEARS)
(and when her family arrives to visit her in the hospital, he says he was just leaving, giving her one last kiss on the hand before heading out)
mulder coming by her bedside again after considering taking CSM’s deal to join the dark side, but ultimately refusing: “then why’d you come here if you’d already made up your mind?” she asks, and he laughs: “because i knew you’d talk me out of it if i was making a mistake” (the total trust they have in each other......)
when mulder leaves for his big hearing, she tells him that he’ll be in her prayers (and he kisses her cheek once more, telling her to ask the “father to say a few hail mulders for me, okay?”)
(she is literally laying in bed dying, and despite him never understanding her beliefs and her having, you know, imminent death on her own doorstep, she talks to god about him. intervening with the creator on his behalf. and he, instead of being dismissive of religion like he usually is, accepts the help with a joke and a kiss on the cheek... i feel like i could write a poem on the subject and my emotions still wouldn't be fully expressed)
they’re in the car on the way to a team building seminar in episode 4, and mulder leans over to scully, asking her to please kill him now
however, she immediately realizes he's come up with a new plan to get out of the whole thing by investigating a case: “you want me to tell them that you’re not going to make it to this year’s teamwork seminar?” (he grabs her shoulders, bending over a little to meet her eye level) “yeah. you see that? we don’t need that conference. we have communication like that, unspoken. you know what i’m thinking”
scully trying to start a fire to keep him warm after his body goes into shock- she asks if he has ever thought about dying, saying she was angry while she was sick, and talking about the struggle to give suffering meaning. and then after he makes some joke to get her laughing, she picks up him, placing his head in her lap (“i don’t wanna wrestle”, he mumbles, to which she replies “get over here. i’m trying to keep you warm”)
he asks her to sing as they cuddle, so he can know that she is awake and keeping watch. and then when she indulges him, his whiny ass requests the chorus, too <3
when he wakes up he is so scared to see that she isn’t there, but she was just getting some berries LMAO
mutual roasting in episode 5; she says she thinks the townspeople are so bored and obsessed with what they see on TV that they’re imagining a monster, to which he responds “i am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype”; when he is spouting frankenstein comparisons to the case, she hits him with the “mulder, i’m alarmed you would reduce this man to a literary stereotype” <- they were having a nerd off!!!
“given the power, who could resist to create life in his own image?” “we already have that ability, mulder; it’s called procreation”
and the famous black and white dancing scene to cher music <3
in episode 7, mulder offers to stay with her while emily is dying, rubbing her back as he says so. but she says she wants to do this alone, so he walks away, and she climbs into emily’s bed
and at the funeral, when scully’s mother asks her if she is ready to go, she says she will stay a little while longer and get a ride back with mulder. soon after, she asks “who are the men who would create a life whose only hope is to die?”, and he answers “i don’t know. but that you found her… and you had a chance to love her… maybe she was meant for that, too” (doing his best to find the meaning in the suffering like they talked about in episode 4, because he knows she finds it incredibly difficult... yeah. and her choosing to spend more time with him than to go home and be with her family... whew)
scully refusing to let mulder fall for pusher’s tricks in episode 8, telling him to hang up the phone before he gets sucked into his games
linda bowman uses the same ability to push her will onto others to convince mulder that scully shot herself. he sees scully, begging him to make her stop, before she shoots herself and collapses. he screams, and imagines himself cradling her head. and when the real scully is in front of him, the mind tricks make mulder think that she is linda, so scully has to try and prove it is really her (“you killed her!” “your mother is tina. your sister is samantha. modell warned you- don’t play her game”). scully has enough time to save the day by shooting linda, and by the time he realizes it really is scully standing in front of him, she gently grabs his arm, calling for an ambulance. the terror of it all. and the loyalty that can inspire such terror...
in episode 9, she tries to explain how it would be physically possible for someone to swallow pounds of dirt, and he just smiles at her; “well… you asked me for answers. those are the best ones i’ve got” <-and listen, after his endless ghost and ghoul explanations, i think your lungs to dirt ratio sounds perfectly reasonable, scully
mulder also decides to dig up a grave in that episode, while scully warns him anything he finds will not be admissible in court. isn’t that just so Them? she’s not gonna stop him, but she will make sure he knows what they can and cannot use as evidence.
“i don’t think this was an act of grave robbing, scully” “no, that’s what we were doing” <- LMAO COME ON….
(there’s also a scene at the very end where mulder is stuck in endless mud and you can see scully helping him up, which greatly warmed my heart)
episode 10’s whole dynamic while scully is on vacation and he is back at the office, but especially this exchange over the phone:
“no, i don’t think it's witchcraft, mulder, or sorcery”
“yeah, well, maybe you don’t know what you’re looking for”
“like evidence of conjury or the black arts, or shamanism, divination, wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice? charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones or hex sins, or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, santeria, vodoun, macumba, or any high or low magic?”
“scully?” “yes?” “marry me” “i was hoping for something a little more helpful” (i watched this scene 3 times because there was SO much to adore, including how serious his face was)
she finds him trapped inside an AI torture chamber in episode 11, and pulls him out, mumbling “you’re going to be okay, i’m going to get you out of here”, dragging his limp body to safety
scully walks into their office, where mulder is sitting, at the start of episode 12: “mulder…” “DON’T. don’t even start with me”
scully describing him as “characteristically exuberant” (“hope you brought your cowboy boots! yeehaw!") as she recounts what happened, and him describing her as “less than exuberant” (“well, obviously it’s not a vampire” “why not?” “because they don’t exist?”)
when scully tells mulder not to rule out what cassandra spender has to say in episode 13, she says the words slowly and carefully, and they lock eyes as he nods, recognizing the significance of the moment in terms of her own beliefs
when scully is in the hospital after the explosion in episode 14, mulder wakes her up by running his fingers through her hair, then giving her the gentlest smile; she asks what time it is, and he laughs- but this makes her self-conscious, so he explains “i’m not laughing at you. i’m just very happy to be standing here talking to you, that’s all” (screaming. btw)
(he then raises her bed a little so they can look at each other while he explains what happened, but a nurse shoos him away, saying she needs rest; he leaves with a thumbs up despite her yelling after him)
“the truth i’ve been searching for? the truth is in you” <- man hold on. hold on, man. MAN-
scully undergoing regression hypnotherapy to remember what happened to her during the explosion. mulder is sitting on the couch next to her, looking terrified as she screams. and despite not being fully present as she recalls the horrors, she taps at his hand next to hers on the couch, wordlessly asking him to hold it. when she comes to, she’s panting, and asks if he was there the whole time. he nods
and later they hold hands in the back of a cop car as they get taken to jail <3
scully breaking into mulder’s motel room while he is undercover in episode 18; he screams at her to get out, and denies being undercover, even though skinner told her everything. she stops his yelling with a breathy “oh, mulder, what did they do to you?”, and sets his poor broken fingers as he winces
(and then she is able to recognize him on the tape of the bank heist despite being masked because of his fingers <3)
then they jointly scream in the CIA guy’s face because they realize he was testing bioweapons and killing civilians… synchronized rage looks good on them
mulder decides to go by himself to investigate the mysterious manifesto in episode 19. not even a minute after he walks out of the door from where he was questioning a witness, he calls her to ask her to look through all of the x files, searching for a specific phrase, which she finds. and then we get to hear him say “scully, at the risk of you telling me i told you so, i think it’s time for you to get down here and help me” “i told you so”, she says with a smile
later, he’s rambling about his bug conspiracy, still wearing the clothes that got all bloody from being taken hostage, and she asks if he has gotten any sleep
scully visiting mulder in the hospital after he goes off the deep end, seeing bug people everywhere, breaking into someone’s house, and attacking skinner; she slips her hand into his as he is restrained, telling him she hopes he can see through this delusion: “you have to be willing to see” “i wish it were that simple” “scully, you have to believe me. nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. you’re my… one in five billion”
the hug at the end of episode 20 as they find the x files in ashes </3
#still screaming and crying over some of these in particular#like the fact that i did not imagine episode 4 and that it actually happened is still mind-boggling in the best way#also. her being self-conscious because he laughs when she asks what time it is after waking up from a coma.#and how he patiently explains he isn't laughing at her!!! he's just so happy to see her!!!#my babies?? can two grown adults be my babies?? it is possible!!!#also still losing it over her saying she will pray for him. like god. she meant it so deeply. and he could tell.#if i think about “hey scully how about those yankees?” for longer than 5 seconds i might actually combust btw#or how happy he is to see her. how wide his smile is. how she's worried about blowing his cover but he laughs and says he's undead#or the fact that when she is dying he tells skinner he's only half-dead..........#i need to bark and shake around a chew toy or something.#anyway! ftf tomorrow hopefully! i'll get a best s5 skinner moments as well hopefully this weekend but no promises#msr#the x files#txf
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931 - detective - @stag-microfic tw: mentioned murder
happy birthday sweetheart, I tried to make this sweet I promise but you did say they could comit murder lmao @ecstarry
“Detective Potter, what brings you here?”
The man in question gives him a look as if Regulus should know, he has to hold in his urge to smirk, keeping his eyes wide and innocent as he looks at the detective from below.
“Another girl is missing after leaving the bar nearby.”
“Oh,” Regulus pretends to be surprised. “What a tragedy.”
Potter hums, “Yes it is,” his eyes never straying from Regulus’s, considering all of his reactions.
“That doesn’t explain why you’re in my flower shop, though,” he points out.
“Bartender said you were open the night she disappeared, figured you could’ve seen something.”
“Nope,” he pops out the word, “I was in the back cultivating my garden.”
“I’m sure you were,” Potter’s voice is full of scepticism. “Would you mind if I checked this garden of yours?”
“Let me think,” Regulus makes a mockery out of it, pressing his fingers to his temple. “Do you have a warrant?”
Potter looks frustrated with him, “You know I don’t.”
“Then I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Regulus smiles sweetly at him, batting his eyelashes for good measure.
“Why are you doing this?” Potter looks so done with him.
“I can show you my apartment upstairs, though,” he replies cheekily, ignoring the detective’s question.
Potter snorts, “Hard pass.”
Regulus's smile dies on his lips. “Good luck on your search then,” his eyes narrow, accompanying Potter to the door.
“I’ll be back,” the detective warns.
“I’m sure you will.” They always do.
It’s past nine p.m. when he’s about to close the shop before being stopped by a certain pain in the ass - not even on the fun way - detective entering his shop again.
“What are you doing here, detective?” His tone is harder than it had been during the day.
“I’m off the clock,” Potter assures him.
“Oh?” Regulus knows he can’t keep the interest out of his voice.
“Yeah,” his stare is way more leisurely than when he studied Regulus before. “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he flips the closed sign on the door.
Regulus can’t help his satisfied smirk, “Of course you were.”
Potter closes the window curtains before approaching him slowly. “You should be more careful, though,” he warns.
“What about?” Regulus doesn’t bother to keep the smugness out of his voice, satisfied with getting what he wants, he usually does.
“Who you tell things,” the detective messes with the cord that holds Regulus’s apron around his waist, pulling on it harshly until it snaps open falling to their feet. “You never know when one of them might decide it’s not worth it to keep your secrets anymore.”
“Why would they?” Regulus teases. “When what I can give them back is so much sweeter.”
Potter swallows heavily, “How sweet?”
“Why don’t you try it for yourself?” he challenges. “Thought you said you were off the clock.”
“I am,” Potter leans in closer, finally giving in to the temptation, he runs his nose over Regulus's neck slowly, drinking in the smell he craves. It makes Regulus shiver and practically melt on the taller man's arms, the effect one has on the other is undeniable any time they step close. “And that’s why I’m giving you a fair warning. Be careful, love.”
“Well she shouldn’t have flirted with you in front of me,” Regulus retorts snidely, crossing his arms defensively between them.
James laughs against his cheek, taking Regulus’s arms in his hands and putting them on his waist, not allowing his boyfriend to keep any barriers between them. “Did you dispose of the body?”
“Of course, I’m not stupid.”
“I know you aren’t, baby, but people might start getting suspicious.”
Regulus scoffs, “Who would suspect the flower shop guy?”
James kisses his cheek, then his jaw, every time coming closer to his mouth, “Don’t get confident, love. That’s how everyone gets caught.”
“But you are not going to allow that, are you, Detective Potter?” Regulus raises an eyebrow in challenge.
After all, there was a reason why he had chosen to seduce the acclaimed James Potter in the first place, it didn’t matter if he’d fallen in love with him along the way, the end result was still the same. Regulus counted on his protection.
“Of course not, my love. I’d never let them come close to you,” James promises him earnestly.
Regulus finally turns his head and kisses him slowly as a reward. “Thank you, sweetheart. Have I told you how much I love you today?”
“No,” James's smile is so wide it’s blinding. “Tell me.”
Regulus smirks when he pulls James in by the collar of his shirt as he walks backwards to the stairs. “Why don’t I show you instead?”
James looks more than happy with the alternative, he’s always so willing to go along with everything Regulus suggests, which is one of the things he loves the most about him. He hadn’t even blinked when Regulus killed the first guy for flirting with James in front of him.
Hell, Regulus was pretty sure James had gotten hard when he realised how far Regulus was willing to go for him. When he knew that was how Regulus proved his love for him. They both had very different ways of showing it, Regulus by killing and James by protecting him.
But none of them felt any less loved by the other, they just expressed their devotion differently. Regulus wouldn’t choose it any other way.
He is the happiest he’d ever been when he is by James’s side. That’s never changing. And to them, that's what matters the most.
#i tried my best okay#jeggy is hard for me hdusahdsa specially sweet and short things#jegulus#marauders#fanfic#regulus black#jegulus fic#james x regulus#the marauders#james fleamont potter#james potter#sunseeker#starchaser#jegulus fanfiction#jegulus microfic#james potter x regulus black#james and regulus#marauders fic#marauders fandom#dead gay wizards from the 70s#the marauders era#marauders fanfiction#hp marauders
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Hello! I wanted to ask what made you fall in love with bingqiu?
Hey there!
Ah hmm that's an interesting question, I've never thought about it actually. I like bingqiu a lot, but I never considered it as falling in love with the ship? They're a fun ship to play with and they have a wide range that's pretty flexible so I'm always in my comfort zone drawing them.
I suppose most of the art I draw for bingqiu are a love letter to them, though. And I think that's pretty telling of my brain rot for them 😂
I think the food the fandom cooked up really helped a lot. SV fic writers are on a whole other plane of existence when it comes to analyzing binghe's character and filling in on his journey of healing with sqq by his side. I'm the annoying type of audience that gets bored when the main couple gets together at the end...so when scum villain ended the way it did, mxtx may as well have german suplexed me on the concrete. scum villain is a story that subverts its tropes left and right and the ending was no exception! I love that bingqiu getting together at the end was not an automatic happily ever after, but rather, they still are putting in the work and effort to understand and stay in each other's lives. The glimpse of that path we get in the extras really did solidify my desire to see how bingqiu will continue to stay together--bingmei vs bingge extra was probably the finishing blow for me tho lmao. I couldn't stop thinking about what the heck happened to bingge after he left the sv world that I read a bunch of fics about him and needed to soothe the angst with sv bingqiu
on a side tangent, bingqiu parallels another of my all time ship, nozomizo from liz and the blue bird. mild spoilers if you haven't seen liz, but nozomizo had a similar codependent relationship that needed them both to grow apart as individuals in order to stay together. bingqiu separated unwillingly and binghe's growth as an individual was fueled by betrayal, despair, and that dying glimmer of hope that maybe, maybe shizun could accept him now that they're equals. but they don't. because binghe still hasn't emotionally grown to get past his temper tantrums (thanks xin mo) and sqq is still failing binghe by constantly misunderstanding him. but bingqiu still choose each other, choose to love and support each other, and they refuse to be separated again. whereas nozomizo was a healthy separation with a promise of reunion, bingqiu was fighting through the muddy trenches with a vague hope that the other is reaching out their hands too. i thought it was neat how differently both ships handled their codependency that still guarantees a happy ending, no matter how dirty and bruised they got along the way.
I also think sqq's compassionate narration in regards to binghe's suffering got to me lmao. He truly does care for binghe, and even if naysayers argue it's not romantic, it's undeniable that binghe is special to sqq. although not the best choices, most if not all of his choices were for binghe's best interest (thanks system). sqq had so much heart for binghe that it affected me through the screen too. binghe's abandonment issues and fake wet tears have captivated me. his gap moe as a chuuni emo demonic overlord and wife with a maidenly glass heart has bewitched me body and soul. i want luo binghe to be happy so badly!!
i think that's why bingqiu fascinates me. most of the bingqiu arts i draw are like slice of life vignettes, so without the meat and bones of fanfic diving into bingqiu's messiness, i would not have ascended to this level of brain rot for them...
#asks#anon#i get comments sometimes that my love for bingqiu is apparent in my drawings#and that makes me happy! also embarrassed at how obvious i am...#i never questioned myself if i was in love with the ship even tho it was on my mind 24/7#but it did get me thinking that most of my bq art was fueled by an unhinged need to visually manifest bq's happiness#so they're practically love letters#ty for the ask anon!#don't tell anyone but i got burnt out from bq and drawing in general#i had too many wips going on and lost confidence in all of them#no worries tho i drew something last night and was too excited to sleep so things are looking good right now 😎#also sorry to be overthinking about the whole falling in love with bingqiu on my part...#a classmate once told me 'you must really love drawing to have filled up so many pages' and it kinda stuck with me since#at the end of the day i do love bingqiu after all
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I'd love to hear about "go - and you and i" & "st - the balancing of the sun"!!!
wip title ask meme
(didn't get to this earlier bc i have been taking some ill-advised naps and remaining comatose for hours on end, so thank you for your patience sgdnshfks)
and you and i: so, in my mind i wanted this to be a fic about the ways aziraphale and crowley love each other and how it physically (and perhaps metaphysically) feels different for both of them. but apparently i spent too much time writing it in my head and not enough writing it in the actual file, bc i only have like two scenes and a handful of random sentences lmao (don't be like me) also as a fun fact: the title comes from the Yes song of the same name! absolutely gorgeous track, the lyrics never once mention the word "love," but it has so much love pouring out of it that it doesn't need to
here's one bit of it, feat. aziraphale and grief (don't worry crowley's not dead or anything, they just had a falling out):
You throw yourself into work, taking on as many assignments from Heaven as you can, and running the bookshop in between. In the off hours you catalogue and reorganize and repair anything that needs it. It helps, you think, to have distractions, things to push that all-encompassing grief out of the way so you can breathe again. No time for frivolous things like theaters or bakeries or rereading your favorite poetry collection for the hundredth time. No time to think about anything that might remind you of Crowley.
And it works, to a point. It gets easier to not think about him.
But it always catches up to you, often when you least expect it.
You'll be sitting at your desk, ready to take up the task of rebinding a book, not thinking much about anything at all. And then you'll blink and all at once your vision will have gone completely cloudy, and another blink will have tears flooding uncontrollably from your eyes, and you'll push your chair back quickly to avoid any droplets falling on the book, and fumble to press a handkerchief to your face as you're overtaken by heaving sobs.
And so you'll remain for a length of time that could be anywhere between minutes or days but feels like a century—but it hasn't even been a century, and you've been apart much longer than that before anyway so why does it still hurt so much—
After that time has passed, you'll pick yourself up, and wipe off your face. You'll take the damaged book in hand, closing it carefully and delicately, once more hiding the inscription that Crowley had written on the inside cover when he gave it to you. And you'll put that book away, not back to its rightful shelf, but tucked away far out of sight but never quite out of mind, with all the other things you can't bring yourself to look at anymore.
And then you'll go back to work.
---
the balancing of the sun: this is the mccoy-centric sfs fic i've shared some of before! title comes from the song "on the silent wings of freedom" by Yes. admittedly the chaotic instrumentation does not fit the fic's vibe at all, but the lyrics bro..... "on the darkest night so painful / do you hunger for love / midst the torture of being one" like!!! i'm out of my mind about it
anyway i hadn't made much progress in several months but i went in and finally nailed down the opening paragraphs just for you 😘:
The worst part of this whole mess, in your opinion, isn't that Spock stuck his katra in your head. It was disorienting as hell, of course, to suddenly feel a disconnect from your thoughts and actions, like they were no longer entirely yours. Going from having complete control one moment, to feeling like a mere passenger in your own body the next is not an experience you'd recommend. But to tell the truth—though you'd be hard pressed to ever admit it aloud—there was something... relieving, almost calming, about finding out it was Spock's presence in your head. You may wish he'd had the decency to ask first, or at least would've given you a heads-up beforehand, but no, having Spock in your mind isn't the worst part.
And it's not the subtle but all too noticeable way your friends look at you now, like it's not really you they're seeing. How when words come out of your mouth in a different tone and cadence, you can see it in their faces, somewhere between hope and heartbreak, before you're even aware of what you'd said or how you'd said it.
Nor is it this fool-headed mission to Genesis you're all on now, however guilty you may feel for having gotten them roped into this, however much you might wish you'd been successful in chartering a flight out there alone. They broke you out of holding for this, they stole the Enterprise for this, they're putting their lives and careers on the line for this, because of you. The danger of it all aside, you're already dreading the court martial awaiting each of you if you make it back to Earth in one piece.
No, the worst part, you think, is what it will mean to succeed. To recover Spock's body from Genesis, bring him home to Vulcan, and lay him to rest—body and soul.
Because to do so will mean losing him all over again.
#fex replies#muirmarie#tysm for the ask! 🥰#(can you tell what my favorite band is. i'll give you three guesses)#long post
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The Siren Song of Devil's Peak
yes I am using this drawing as a cover image again lmao it cracks me up and I didn't feel like making something else. I think it's still rather fitting ✏
"Welcome back, Captain" Ada greeted as Faith stepped through the door of the Unreliable, her companions not far behind her.
Faith had been more quiet than usual.
She didn't want to be here, didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. The stillness of her room had been suffocating. She had been spending more and more days away, wandering anywhere she could on Monarch.
Her friends, however, were tired.
They needed a break, food, for Ellie to make sure they weren't falling apart. Faith needed it, too, but her body wouldn't let her stop. She was ready to head back out.
"Hey Boss," Felix chimed "are you feeling-"
"I'm fine" Faith cut him off sharply, immediately looking down in shame. "I'm sorry."
"Cap, we're worried about you. You need to rest" Parvati said, her tone more concerned than usual.
"I'll be fine, I need to go back out there."
"For what? Boss, you need to stop. We have to talk about this" Felix interjected.
"We don't have to talk about anything. You two get some rest, I'll see if Nyoka and Ellie-"
"No!" Felix's worry was turning into frustration "look, I'm sorry but.. I don't want you to get hurt. You can't keep running away."
"Cap.." Parvati was softer now "you're not in a good way and this isn't healthy."
Faith knew they were right. She was avoiding the fact she had to confront the problem in front of her sooner or later. That's why she won't sit still, why she keeps running headfirst into the Monarch wilds against everyone's warning.
Can't feel how much pain she's in if she's too distracted defending herself from things trying to kill her from all angles.
"Cap, you need to sort this mess out. I know he hurt you, but.. you and Max need to talk about this."
"Hah!" Felix was annoyed "you mean Max needs to come down here and apologize for being an ass. Boss, why are we even keeping him around after the way he lied to you?"
"Felix, I don't wanna.." Faith began but trailed off.
Because I don't want him to leave.
"At least talk to us about it. We're your best friends and we want what's best for you." She knew Felix was being sincere.
"Yeah, Cap. We're family, we don't want you goin' through this alone."
Faith didn't know what to say. She appreciated how much her crew, her friends, were trying to help her. Her heart was just in so much pain. She was confused, scared, she didn't really know what she wanted.
I want Max.
"I.. I.." she was trying. "Thank you.."
"Captain," Ada's voice rang through "you have a call coming in from Devil's Peak Station."
Parvati and Felix glanced at each other nervously.
"Hey Boss.. maybe you shouldn't take that call.." Felix began to say, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck.
"Why? Hiram's my friend" Faith was surprised at her companions reactions.
"Well, yeah.. but.." Parvati was trying to think of what to say "last time you were hidin' out there, you and Mister Blythe were gettin' real close.."
Faith was waiting to see where this conversation was leading.
"We just think that maybe.. havin' him in the picture is makin' things.."
"Worse" Felix butted in.
"Well, No! I mean.. not worse.. just.. complicated?" Parvati's voice cracked.
Faith stood there in silence, crossing her arms. Her friends were babbling, unsure of how to get their point across gently.
"Boss, please just listen to us on this one" Felix finally said.
"There's a lot of hurt and raw emotions in the air right now. We just think the closer you get to that Broker fella.."
"Everything is going to be fine" Faith finally spoke "Hiram and I are.. just friends."
Why did I hesitate?
Felix and Parvati noticed, giving each other another worried glance.
What are they so worked up about? Faith thought, walking away to answer the call.
They're acting like I'm gonna fall for the guy or something.
We're just friends.. Right?
Her heart was beating hard now.
Oh stars..
She answered the call and Hiram's face popped up on the screen.
Dammit.
"Ah, Captain! There you are. Thought for a moment you may have forgotten about me."
The snark in his voice would have been of annoyance to others, but she had come to learn this was him being rather playful. In his own way, of course.
"I could never, Hiram."
"Are you still on Monarch by any chance?"
"Suppose I am, what would The Great Broker ever want with me? Need someone to get their hands dirty for you again?"
She knew how to play right back.
Hiram flashed her a small smile, immediately finding his serious face again.
"Come to my station, will you? I want to speak to you directly."
"Oh! How unusual of you to want to do business in person" Faith teased, unsure why she was trying to sound her flavor of freelance professional, Felix and Parvati's little talk was making her nervous.
"Let me get my crew and-"
"No" Hiram said sternly "I wish to speak to you." He swallowed, trying to keep his cool.
"Alone."
"Sounds a little dangerous doesn't it?" Faith rarely went anywhere without backup.
"You've done it before. Just to seek me out. All by your lonesome, might I add" he gave her a subtle grin "be a doll and do this for me, yes? I'll be expecting you."
Hiram hung up before Faith could get another word in.
Sly bastard.
Faith turned back towards the door, already knowing Parvati and Felix were still standing there. Waiting with concern. Knowing better than to leave their captain alone again in fear of what trouble she might get herself into next.
Fuck.
#just a little something for funsies 🤭#this ones for you people rooting for divorce au just so hiram can get a lil smooch#heheheh#the outer worlds#my writing#my art
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6/19/23
238.0
In: Adderall, Wellbutrin, McDonald’s large vanilla iced coffee (230), pizza rolls (420), ranch (140) 790
Out: 10,274 steps. Fitbit says -2816
Total: -2026
Today:
I woke up feeling awful. My whole body aches. I hate this adjustment part. If I want to stop going through it the only answer is to stop giving up and just keep going.
I got the coffee to hopefully help the aches. I feel like I got hit by a car… I’m going to need some Tylenol if it doesn’t work. I can’t spend my day feeling like this. Ughhh.
Also have a stuffy nose. Did I mention I hate this adjustment part?… ugh.
Can’t give in. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. I’m too obese to be having these side effects of… “eating less”.
Edit:
It’s 9pm. I stopped feeling terrible about an hour after I made that update.
I had a pretty chill day.
Got 3 hours of overtime for work! Pretty excited about that.
My daughter is insisting I lay with her until she falls asleep (she’s 6) so I’ll finish my 10k steps later.
I can’t believe I’m not even the tiniest bit hungry.
— just venting about life and money for the rest of this so skip if you want —
Since I worked 3 hours over I didn’t get any crocheting done today. I’m not happy about that. But maybe I can get something made before I go to bed tonight. Not many more days until the craft show. Plus my stores aren’t selling much at all because they are so empty. I need to worry about the stores more than I do the shows. Idk why I don’t.
Today I spent a while looking on Zillow for houses. Problem is… idk where I want to live. Since my job is remote I can literally move anywhere I want to. But.. I can’t afford the houses I want in the areas I want to be in lmao. I thought about moving back home (an hour and a half away) but my kids dad just moved down here to be closer to them and he’s been helping out SO much I’d hate to mess that up. I do want to be down here. I do Not want to stay because of him or move closer to him. I do like it around here. I’ve only lived her for about 18 months. I do not feel safe in the part of the city I live in and we definitely have outgrown a 3bedroom apartment. Myself and an almost 14 year old son, 10 year old son, 8 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. Right now I have my room, the 14 and 10 year old share a room, and the 8 and 6 year old share a room. But the 14 year old NEEDS his own room. Puberty and all that. So I’ve been looking for a 4 bedroom for us. Moving to another apartment or rental is not an option unfortunately.
I either need a huge increase in income or I need a lot more saved up than I have currently to afford a 4 bedroom around here in a better part of town/the city.
I think that’s why I worry so much about the shows. It’s a lot of money in 1 day instead of a steady way lower amount of money monthly.
I need the steady. But I also want the lump sum to throw into savings faster.
I need more hours in the day.
My work did tell me today I can get up to 10 hours of overtime per week if I want them until they tell us differently. I could definitely use that extra $270/week! Hopefully I’ll stay disciplined enough to throw all the extra in savings. We will see I guess. I’m bad about wanting to throw it on credit card debt, which isn’t bad, but i really need it in savings right now.
I guess I’m more stressed about that than I realized. Damn.
I did find a house back home I could easily afford and it has everything we’re looking for. But. It’s back home.
I think I need to see a therapist again. For the first time in my life my anger is starting to get out of control. I’ve never been an angry person. But it seems like I go from a 3 to a 10 in a finger snap lately. I’m worried what that’s doing to my kids learning/development. I don’t want them to have any more anger issues than they already do… I really really need to work on it and I need some strategies and help. I had to give up therapy when I moved here. I miss my old therapist. I don’t think she’s still working there though, I looked her up on fb (I already know 😂) and it says she works at the school system now. I thought about texting her and just saying hey but I realized I only have her work cell number and it might not still be her number. I would be absolutely crushed if I texted it and someone wrote back they weren’t her. Idk.
Well I think my daughter is asleep now. Off to do 7.2k steps I go!
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1+1 (levi ackerman)
↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader
↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff...... again....... is it getting boring and predictable yet lmao, once again the dog’s name is captain and no i do not regret it
↯ word count: 2.5k
↯ summary: levi ackerman is a cuddler, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. (aka me once again pushing my physical affection is levi’s love language agenda because he’s a poor, touch-starved little man).
i. the lap pillow: person A sits upright, while person B rests their head in person A’s lap. head pets and hair playing option, but highly encouraged.
Levi spent an obnoxious amount of time picking out the perfect couch for his apartment. He might have paid a little bit more than what he’d originally budgeted for, but it was worth it; his soft, plush couch and accompanying cushions were equally comfortable and beautiful, matching the interior of his living room, and posing at the perfect nap spot when Levi was too tired to make it to the bed, or wanted to lounge around with Captain for a while.
Or, well, it used to be worth it. Because now, Levi would rather lay his head on your lap than on his stupid, expensive couch and all its cushions.
Sure, the couch still provides comfort or refuge for the rest of his body, a comfy cavern to stretch his limbs or crash on after a long day, but with you there, all the benefits go to his head; literally, because when his head is in your lap, you stroke his face, comb through his hair, pad your thumb against his lips—whatever, Levi doesn’t really fucking care, because all of it is heavenly.
“Do you want to go to bed?” you question softly, hand raking through Levi’s hair. He’s lying on his back, not even pretending to have been watching the TV, as to let you have maximum access to his hair and face.
“No,” he says shortly, shifting his foot around to allow for your yorkie puppy to curl up at the other end of the couch, “Comfortable here.”
You try to hide the chuckle from escaping your lips. Levi certainly wasn’t shy about how much he liked your affections, especially within the closed walls of his apartment; but it always amused you just how simultaneously clipped, yet clingy he could be about it.
“Your neck is going to hurt, love,” you tell him, slowly moving your right hand from his hair to trace along his eyebrow, then down his cheek.
Levi huffs, ever so slightly. Then, gently, turns on his side, rotating his body and head, so that his cheek is now pressed along your thigh, legs curled up to his stomach, allowing Captain more space to curl into a ball at the base of Levi’s feet. He bends his arms, both coming to rest on your thighs as well, just an inch from his face.
“It’s fine like this,” he grumbles, voice thick with sleep—and a bit of frustration, because you’ve ceased playing with his hair at this point, “I’m going to take a nap, don’t move.”
You can help your laughter from escaping, “I don’t really have a choice, now do I?”
He hums in affirmation, shifting around just a bit to his comfort. You smile at the way he wiggles his toes, Captain taking it as an invitation to snuggle closer to Levi. You rest your right hand against Levi’s shoulder, lightly massaging his muscles as to not disturb his drifting to sleep, and resume your focus on the TV ahead of you.
Just when you’d thought Levi was on his way to falling asleep, he lets out a discontented grunt, moving his arm backwards to grab at your wrist, and with gentle, but firm force, moves your hand that was massaging his shoulder to the top of his head. He says nothing, only moves his hand back to its previous position, and once again shifts to readjust his napping position.
You get the message, and with a wide smile, you carefully begin to thread your fingers through his hair again; and with a satisfied purr, Levi snuggles his head into your lap, and finally drifts off to sleep.
ii. the half spoon/chest rest: person A lays flat on their back, while person B curls into their side, laying their head on person A’s chest.
Levi rarely falls asleep before you do, so he’s had quite a bit of time to observe your sleep habits—as non-creepily as possible, of course.
You’re a pretty normal sleeper—again, not that he spends his time watching other people sleep, or anything—but you do have your own quirks; most of which Levi finds endearing on some level or another. Like the way you always have to have a minimum of three pillows on your side of the bed, even if you don’t sleep with all three of them at the same time. And the way your arms subconsciously curl up, usually around a pillow if Levi isn’t there, or even around yourself if there’s no object for you to grasp.
One of your sleeping ticks he isn’t particularly fond of is the way you move around. Not sporadically, and thankfully, not to a point that leaves you sprawled across the mattress at an obscure angle, but just… around. He especially hates when you roll away from him, because you usually roll away and never roll back.
Which is why Levi is generally fond of cuddling positions in which he’s holding you, as to make sure you don’t, quite literally, roll out of his arms. Because nothing pisses Levi off more than waking up and realizing you’ve rolled away and taken to snuggling against your pillow instead of him. He’s much better than a pillow. Warmer, too. Not mention, a real, actual human being.
Right now, you’re tucked almost expertly into Levi’s right side, head laying on his chest, your right arm over his stomach, hand just barely tickling the exposed skin from his shirt riding up. Levi likes the feeling of your shallow exhales rippling against his shirt, and the warmth of your cheek pressed against his chest.
He’s about to fall asleep himself, when he feels you shuffling, and oh no, not on his watch. Before the worst can happen, Levi secures his right arm over your shoulder, as to hold you against him. The urge to roll seems to leave you then, the only movement is of your right arm, which you bend at the elbow, now laying your palm against his pecs.
Levi exhales, content. Now he can sleep peacefully. Well, almost. There’s one more thing he likes about this position, and it’s his ability to use his free hand to reach down, scoop under your knee and drape your leg across his waist—and he does so happily; smiling to himself as you subconsciously burrow yourself further into his side.
Much better, Levi thinks, letting his eyelids flutter shut. It was time for bed, after all, and he had a feeling he’d be waking up warm and cozy in the morning.
iii. full contact cuddle: person A sits or lays on their back, while person B rests almost directly on top of them.
“I don’t get why you like this so much,” you say, words mumble, as you shimmy up Levi’s body to lay your cheek against his chest, “How do you possibly benefit from this?”
If you asked Levi, this was probably his favorite way to cuddle. Something about having almost all of your body weight on top of him, your head against his chest, and his arms wrapped completely around you just made him feel warm, and cozy, and content. Plus, the added bonus of you laying directly on top of his dick.
He could say all of that, but instead he opts for a minimal hum, and, a simple, “It’s warm.”
“Yeah, because you’re warm, Levi,” you point out, but burrow into his skin anyway. You’re not exactly complaining, laying on Levi is nice; especially a shirtless Levi, with how warm his body runs. And, well, for other reasons, too.
Once again, you’re met with a non-committal hum. Levi just holds you for a bit, listening for the way your breathing slows and evens out, feeling for signs of your body slowing down against his.
After a while, he shifts his arms, moving so that they’re no longer stacked atop each other, but with his palms both resting against your back, creeping under your shirt. “It’s the weight,” he replies carefully, moving his right hand to rub against your skin, “It feels nice.”
“The weight?” you question, lifting your head to look at him, your chin poking into his chest. Levi looks down to meet your eyes, a small nod in reassurance.
“I can’t… explain it,” he tells you truthfully, “I just like the feeling of you against me. It’s not symbolic or any shit like that, it just, feels good. Sometimes feels like we’re… I don’t know, connected or some shit. I can feel you breathe when I breathe, and all that.”
It’s a poor explanation, and nothing close to what he wants to be able to convey, but you understand him anyways; you always do. You have to hold back your overgrown smile, just barely letting the corners of your lips turn upwards at Levi’s response. You extend your neck briefly to place a short kiss against his jaw, before turning to head to lay back on his chest.
“No, I get it,” you reassure him, snuggling against him for extra measure, “Feels nice to just know you’re there.”
Levi hums in affirmation, his hand squeezing at your waist affectionately—a silent thank you for being able to read between his lines. You lay like that for a while, your exhales tickling against Levi’s bare chest, while his hands massage at your back.
“Besides,” he says, his hands slowly venturing down past your waist; he squeezes at your hips, adjusting you so that your center is directly on top of his, and encouraging you to lift your upper half, so that you’re looking down at him, a full view of the wicked smile on his face, “I kind of have a thing for you being on top of me.”
iv. the seated snuggle: person A sits upright, maybe slouched a bit, while person B cuddles into their side; a hand wrapped around A’s waist or arm, and B’s head resting against A’s shoulder.
Levi likes his alone time, but even when he’s focusing on himself, he’s acutely in tune with you and your emotions. And to be honest with himself, he spends a lot of his alone time thinking about you—consciously or not, you find a way into his brain, and Levi has long since accepted that you’re a permanent, and very welcome presence in his life, one that can be more powerful and enjoyable that his own solitude.
Even when he’s sitting on the couch, right leg bent and tucked under his left at the knee, a book Hange had recommended in his hand, with a shitty hospital drama playing as background noise on the television; even then, when he’s relaxing and enjoying his novel, he purposefully feels out your presence and gauges your emotions.
Though, if you asked him, it shouldn’t have taken a rocket scientist to understand that you were feeling a little out of it today—maybe not quite sad, but moving a bit slower, perhaps tired, or annoyed by your day at work—despite the cheery lilt in your voice. But Levi knew, he could feel it, that something was off; but he could also feel that this something wasn’t getting talked about today, or that, perhaps you just didn’t have the words to express it right now.
Levi greets you as he would when you come through the door, tilts his head up when you lean down to give him a kiss, and lets you pad into your bedroom to change and shower. You shuffle around after that, making your way to the kitchen to reheat the dinner he’d cooked earlier, and flitter between your bedroom and the living room after that.
And Levi knows; he knows that you want to talk to him, but that you wouldn’t dare to interrupt his alone-time, because you know how important it is to him. What you fail to understand is that you’re just as, if not more, important to him because you give him space.
So, Levi waits until you’re hovering by the doorway of the living room again, and then, without looking up from his book, silently opens and extends his left arm. He counts three seconds before you come shuffling over to him, wasting no time tucking yourself into his side, and resting your head on his shoulder. Levi hums when he feels your cheek press into his neck, and wraps his arm securely around you.
“Long day?” he questions, eyes still on his book, but reading at a marginally slower pace now.
Your eyes flutter shut at the question, working harder to snuggle yourself into Levi, wrapping your arms around his waist, “The longest.”
Levi hums, finishing his page, and tucking the ear to mark his spot before closing his book. He turns his head to press a kiss into your forehead, and pulls you a little closer against him. “It’s over now, I’ve got you.”
v. the times together/pretzel: person A rests with back against a wall/couch/object, and person B mirrors their positions; both A and B’s legs are intertwined, while they look at each other.
Levi will only take a bath after he’s showered, because there’s no appeal in sitting in your own wet dirt. That being said, post-shower baths with you are something he looks forward to, especially after a long, drawn out work week.
You both sit facing each other, legs bent and intertwined, your empty champagne glasses resting on the tiled floor beside the tub. Levi lets you make bubble beards on his face, and smiles as you splash them away and placate it all with a crescendo of kisses.
“I love you,” you smile between presses of your lips, the palms of your hands squishing Levi’s cheeks together—and he just lets you, because he loves you.
Levi thinks it’s his turn now, though he has no interest in bubble beards, or mohawks, simply mirroring your actions to cup your face with his hands, pull you closer, a whisper on your lips.
Wet thumbs pad against your cheeks, and Levi thinks that even like this, with only the flicker of candle flames illuminating your face, that you’re beautiful, and the best thing he’s ever gotten the opportunity to love and care for in his life.
So he lets you know, “And I love you.” And he means it; and you know he does.
#aot x reader#snk x reader#levi x reader#levi ackerman x reader#aot imagines#snk imagines#aot fluff#levi ackerman fluff#levi ackerman smut#eren x reader
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3 Player Punishment
genre: smut
renjun x jaemin x haechan x fem!reader
kinks: degradation, male receiving!oral, threesome(? is that even a kink), creampie, gagging
relationship is established
1500 words (exactly), 8275 characters
a/n this took me 50 minutes and it's 1:30am rn lmao
you whimpered when you felt haechan tug on your hair. usually jaemin would chuckle when he saw you in a helpless position like this, but this time even he was looking sternly at you. "aren't you such a dirty slut?" haechan hissed, giving another tug.
you were on the master bedroom's bed. the room was dim as none of your three boyfriends had the light at a higher priority than seeing you fucked and punished. on your stomach, you strained your neck to see them.
renjun cupped your chin and tilted it up to have eye contact. "what do you have to say?"
"i'm very sorry," you whimpered. "please don't go too hard on me."
muted chuckles could be heard from all of them.
"did I hear that right? 'please don't go too hard on me'?" jaemin asked.
"you really should've thought of the consequences before you teased us the entire dinner, y/n. in front of our friends, what's more." haechan said. "now, go on all fours."
you complied immidiately, afraid of risking even more punishment. renjun had his pants off, his cock up and ready for your mouth. he cupped your chin and thrusted his cock into your mouth, your gag reflexes protesting against it. renjun didn't stop until all of him was inside of your mouth. he knew you liked it with the way your eyes looked at him with desire even with tears flooding it.
you could see a small, sly smirk form on jaemin's face as he sat at the corner of the bed, already using his hand to pump his cock. jaemin loved watching haechan or renjun fuck you. he'd wait until your eyes were messy with tears and then come over to fuck your overstimulated brains out.
"haechan," he called out to haechan, who was taking off his pants. "be sure to fuck her really good, alright?"
"don't worry about it." haechan growled.
with renjun rapidly thrusting himself into your mouth and your gag reflex working as hard as the devil, you could say nothing but squeal vainly.
haechan positioned himself, giving one big slap to your ass as he did. he slipped himself in, gave himself 2 seconds to convince himself that you won't be physically hurt, and went animalistic. thrusting into you quickly, grabbing your waist, eyes on your ass, haechan's breathing was quick and loud.
tears escaped your eyes. you felt otherworldly as you felt haechan pounding you from behind and renjun cursing from the front with his cock pumping inside of you. your head felt so light, and the first 2 minutes haven't even passed.
"fuck," renjun groaned. "dirty slut. how many times have you took this dick in your mouth like this? f..fuck."
haechan slapped your ass again, making even more tears leave your eyes. "y/n is nothing but a dirty whore, always wanting to get fucked- hmm?"
you could say nothing but let the tears fall.
"such a beautiful sight for me to enjoy," jaemin heaved loudly. "my little slut with two holes filled."
you looked at jaemin, and felt like you could orgasm just by the sight of him. his eyes met yours, his filled with lust and desire. his hand quickly pumped his cock. his chest heaved as his eyes took in the masterpiece of a sight in front of him.
your eyes were glued to jaemin- whether it was his cock or his eyes. yours were desperate. you so wanted this- renjun and haechan's cock in two of your holes. you felt so euphoric. you felt so full.
haechan could see this.
"you like this a lot, isn't it? that's why you were acting like a complete-" he hissed and grabbed your ass tightly. "-complete whore. couldn't even wait till we got home."
"such a naughty girl." renjun heaved, his eyes unable to look sane with your mouth working magic on his cock.
you cried on renjun's cock, feeling your need to orgasm grow bigger and bigger. you needed to cum soon.
"what is this?" haechan growled, now tugging your hair. "you want to cum?" he felt your walls tighten even more around him.
"don't let her." jaemin instructed.
haechan sadistically grinned. "of course i wouldn't. sluts don't get to pick and choose."
renjun hissed. "shut the fuck up and fuck the shit out of her."
you couldn't take it. the sight, the sound, the feeling of being so filled with haechan and renjun-
you cried loudly into renjun's cock. he groaned at the vibration, thrusting faster. "i'm gon- cum!" you cried, but no one could hear it.
haechan hissed and gave a spank to your ass when he felt your walls squeeze his cock. "cumming all over my cock? you're clenching so tight around me, y/n."
"fuck, i'm going to cum." renjun growled. using his two hands to grab your head, he thrusted deeply into your mouth. your mouth felt destroyed, but you loved it. your entire body felt so overstimulated with haechan's pounding still continuing, but you wanted renjun to destroy your mouth as much as he could. even more, you wanted his cum as deep down your throat as possible.
with hissing and groaning, you looked at renjun's eyes with a small sense of accomplishment as he pumped his load into you. he scoffed when his eyes met yours. still, he pulled out his cock and lied on his back, panting.
as for you, you were gasping and readjusting to not having your throat completely filled by renjun. haechan's thrusts didn't slow down. if anything, it went faster. haechan groaned loudly, his hands digging into your ass. he relished the sight of your body, loving everything about it.
you whimpered and whined, begging him to quickly fill you up. it was overstimulating.
"i'm going to cum soon," he looked at jaemin. jaemin nodded, a sly smile on his mouth. you gulped at the sight of the smile.
haechan gave one final spank to your red ass, thrusted in as deeply as he could, filled you up, and pulled out. he panted, a satisfied smile on his face. he moved to clean himself out, leaving space for jaemin.
jaemin moved onto your collapsed body. cum covered his crotch and hand, but he seemed to ignore it. not when you were in front of him, at least.
"think you can handle me?"
"not too fast, please" you said weakly.
he laughed, amused. "i'll try."
jaemin slipped inside of you easily. he waited for a couple of seconds, gauging your limit. then he started moving. he started at a slow pace, but as time went on he rapidly increased the pace. he was now going nearly as fast as haechan did, much to your gasps and pleasure.
jaemin never really felt physical pleasure from fucking alone; it was making you feel as pleasured as possible that turned him on.
"aww," he cooed, wiping away your tears. "i thought you wanted this badly, y/n? and when haechan and renjun are done with you and it's my turn, you cry so much?"
you wailed and buried your head into the bedding. "so much- so much, so much"
jaemin smiled, amused. "you did want to feel three cocks, baby."
you wailed with overstimulation, already feeling your insides clench at jaemin's cock. you felt stretched and out of your mind, but you knew that you needed jaemin's cum deep inside of you, just like haechan's.
"cumming so fast?" jaemin laughed at your pitiful figure as you arched your back and whimpered loudly. "shh, you want to wake all the neighbors up?"
"need your cum" was all you could say.
jaemin's eyes widened with amusement. he complied, figuring that haechan has fucked you enough. quickening his pace and looking at as much of your fucked face as he could, he came inside of you. a lot of it overfilled and spilled out of you, and he made a point to finger it back in when he pulled out.
renjun crawled towards you and picked you up. he went back to the middle of the bed and lied you down on his stomach. haechan took his left, jaemin his right. the room was quiet apart from your loud attempts to regain a steady breath and to wipe away all of your tears.
"we should do that again sometime." haechan commented.
jaemin laughed. "are you saying you want y/n to be a dirty little whore?"
renjun huffed. "you guys talk too much. let me and y/n sleep."
"alright, sorry~" both haechan and jaemin apologized playfully.
within 2 minutes, all of the 4 of you were dead asleep in a tangled mess of limbs.
#nct imagines#nct au#nct fluff#nct angst#nct smut#nct x reader#nct 127#nct dream#nct haechan#nct renjun#nct jaemin#nct jaemin smut#jaemin smut#nct renjun smut#renjun smut#nct haechan smut#haechan smut#nct dream smut
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BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS ― IWAIZUMI, KUROO, BOKUTO, AND SUGAWARA.
✗ REQUEST: i’ve been seeing all over tiktok the whole lay between your s/o thighs trend (idk if you know the trend) but i wanted to see it with the hq boys. so could i request iwa, kuroo, bo and suga🥺.
― iwaizumi hajime, kuroo tetsurou, bokuto koutarou, sugawara koushi.
⤷ genre: fluff
⤷ warnings: suggestive content (everything i write at this point is suggestive lmao), i got lazy proof reading this but i’ll come back to it
⤷ word count: 3.1k
― a/n: i was very soft writing this hehe, also;
me to me: let’s limit this to 500 words per character
also me: almost writes 1k just on kuroo.
IWAIZUMI HAJIME
after two long weeks apart, with iwa having to travel overseas for work, he had finally come back home to you. work trips weren’t uncommon, but often left you alone, missing him more and more with each day apart.
it took everything in your power to hold yourself back from jumping on him, the moment you caught sight of his bulky figure walking out of the airport terminal.
and now the two of you were on your way home. after bickering over who would drive, iwa now sat leaned back in the driver’s seat, large hand engulfing yours on your lap and the other gripping the leather steering wheel; skillfully maneuvering your car down the snowy streets. fiddling with his long fingers entwined between your own, you bring his hand up to your mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.
glancing at you from the corner of his olive eyes, you could see his soft smile under the flickering glow of the streetlights. he gives your hand a gentle squeeze, before his focus turns back to the road.
ten minutes pass relatively quickly, with iwa shifting the gear into park outside your shared home. he trails close behind you, warm breath tickling the side of your neck and duffle bag slung over his wide shoulder, as you unlock the front door.
“welcome home.” you whisper, tilting your face up to look at him.
iwa’s quick to drop his bag, spinning you around by your hips to pull you flush against him. wrapping your arms around his neck, you giggle at the feeling of his hands dipping lower to give your ass a loving squeeze.
“i missed you, baby.” he breathes out, before leaning down to capture your lips.
the kiss is sweet and slow, you indulge yourself in the familiar feeling of his soft lips; before his tongue darts out to trace against the pout of your bottom lip, asking for permission. you moan into him as your tongues brush against each other sensually, dragging your hand from his nape to caress his jaw; you jolt away as your palm brushes against the icy cold touch of his ear.
“haji! your ears are freezing!” you hiss, both hands now tugging at his ears.
chuckling lowly, he grabs at your wrists lightly. “ah, i know...why don’t you warm them up for me?”
“huh?”
overwhelming thoughts of how exactly iwa intended for you to warm his ears up, clouded your flustered mind. in a flurry of movements, he lead you into your bedroom; freeing you from the tight denim of your high-waisted pants, and having you perched up and leaning against your fluffed up pillows. the fuzziness in your head starts to clear up at the sight of iwa stripping off his long sleeved shirt, exposing the toned muscle of his stomach and chest.
crawling towards you and parting your legs, he presses a kiss to the inner side of your knee, before he flips over and slides his read right between your legs. you blink once, then twice, watching as he grabs your thighs, wrapping them around his neck and squishing his face.
“well, this...isn’t exactly what i was expecting.” rubbing your thighs against his ears to get used to the freezing touch.
iwa hums contentedly, patting the side of your leg. “mmm, don’t worry baby, we’ll save that for a bit later okay?” heat rushes to your face as he calls you out on your thoughts. “i just wanna lay here and feel you like this for now.” you push your hands against your face, feeling how warm your cheeks are, before iwa grabs at your wrists softly, bringing them over to kiss your palms. “just lie with me, okay baby?”
with your hands caressing the sides of his face, you nod, smiling softly. “okay, haji.”
KUROO TETSUROU
working together with kuroo for japan’s volleyball association was amazing. for the most part that is. it’s how the two of you met, he’d charmed you into a first date by his second week, and it was almost three years since then.
you spent every day with your boyfriend at work, and every night together in bed. but sharing a busy week schedule filled with back-to-back meetings, interviews with athletes for potential promotional videos, and late nights in the office filing the never-ending build up of paperwork - meant weekends were very much looked forward to.
lazy sundays being your favourite.
the day usually started well into noon, both of you enjoying the extra undisturbed hours of sleep - since the blare of kuroo’s six a.m. alarm wasn’t ringing in your ears. he’d greet you with a drowsy rasp - “good morning, shorty.” - making you giggle before dragging him to share a steaming hot shower with you; . and with a towel wrapped around your head, bare legs on show underneath the hem of your boyfriend’s large shirt, you’d sway in front of the stovetop flipping pancakes while a shirtless kuroo sliced up your favourite fruits - music from his playlist playing softly in the background.
if the weather allowed it, you and kuroo would sit out on the balcony of your apartment; basking in the warmth of the sun, admiring the way his hazel eyes reflected gold. yet this sunday, a storm was raging outside.
“why is she giving a rose to that prick yamato? fuji deserves it way more than him!” kuroo calls out.
you were only half invested in the bachelorette marathon playing. rain spat against the fogged glass; heavy lidded eyes followed the trails made by the racing raindrops. you were tucked snugly into kuroo’s side, a long arm wrapped around your shoulders, and legs tangled under the softness of the new periwinkle comforter you’d bought the other day. kuroo’s laptop rested on his lap, and you jostled about as he shot an arm out to point at the screen accusingly.
“are you seeing this, y/n?! now she’s choosing sachihiro! over fuji?!”
humming half-heartedly in response, you squeeze yourself closer to kuroo; dragging your hand over his bare chest, and resting it over his heart. you could feel his heartbeat against your palm, thump-thump thump-thump, and the steady rise and fall of his chest began to lull you to sleep.
the sound of your soft snores, pulled kuroo’s attention away from the show.
“shorty, you sleepin’?”
at your lack of reply, he chuckles lowly, shifting around to put away his laptop. you were always the first to fall back asleep, especially after eating good and coming back to bed to cuddle. pulling you closer to him, he smiled at the sigh you released against him; before pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead and resting his cheek on his pillow. the smell of your strawberry shampoo wafting around him, was the last thing kuroo remembered before he joined you in the dream world.
laying on your side with half your vision obscured by the fluffy pillow under your head, you blink away the sleep as you gaze outside the window. the rain had come to a slow drizzle, with the skies still fairly bright meaning only an hour or so had passed while you were asleep.
“tetsu?” you call out.
usually the rooster head would be pressed right up against you, but you couldn’t feel or see him. attempting to twist your body around, you find your movements constricted. it was only when you tried once again to lift your leg up, that a hand slid around your knee to halt your movements.
pushing yourself up a bit, and resting on your elbow, you glance down to find your boyfriend’s head between your thighs, back of his head pushed against your pelvis. because the two of your are on your sides, the full weight of your left leg over his shoulder has his cheeks smushed together; but kuroo seems completely unbothered, in fact he’s just scrolling through instagram on his phone. when you reach a hand down to tug at his inky hair, only then does he glance up at you.
“are you alright down there?” you ask. “can you even breathe?”
“i woke up here, and i don’t plan on moving any time soon.” kuroo hums, the vibration from his throat are ticklish against your inner thighs. “i’m living my best life, wanna see my new lock screen?”
without waiting for an answer, he shows off his new lock screen - which really happened to be a live photo displaying a collection of pictures with kuroo’s face squeezed between your lush thighs. you can’t help but laugh, kuroo’s cackling joining you. slightly embarrassed at the thought of someone catching a glance at his lock screen, you pull at his hair; complaining about the possibility of being exposed.
kuroo slaps your hands away from his hair, still chuckling. “i don’t care, shorty. i look good between your thighs, don’t you think so?”
flustered, you yank on his hair again. “shut up, rooster head.”
BOKUTO KOUTAROU
while waiting for bokuto to come back home to you from his training with the msby jackals, the last thing you expected was to receive a call from his teammates. it was your day off, and as you were loading the last of you and bokuto’s laundry, your phone began to vibrate - the bright grin of a certain tangerine-haired cutie flashing across the screen.
“hello?”
“hi, bokuto-san- ah, um, i mean y/n-san!”
you chuckle lightly at hinata’s correction. ever since you announced your engagement with bokuto, the younger male had started addressing you by your fiancé’s surname. in the background you can hear atsumu yelling out to you, followed by sakusa complaining about his loud mouth. you were more than familiar with bokuto’s close friends and teammates, from the countless team dinners and nights of drinks hosted at you and bokuto’s townhouse, you shared a solid friendship with everyone.
“ah, shou-kun, everything okay?”
“um, well i just called to let you know that bokuto-san didn’t have the best time at training today.”
‘oh no, poor kou,’ you thought to yourself, heart tugging at the thought of bokuto being sad. his somber moods were a rarity these days; it had actually been almost a year since he’d been in a slump, and he usually loved his trainings, so that meant today must have been extra tough on him.
“i see, thank you for telling me shou-kun.” after listening to hinata’s retelling of the events at training, with side commentary from atsumu and sakusa; you all exchanged goodbyes before ending the call.
with the chance to avoid being unequipped for bokuto’s gloomy return home, you were grateful for hinata’s thought to warn you. it gave you an hour, from his shower to the drive back home, to prepare some of his favourite things. normally it involved inviting akaashi over, but with him out of town, it left you to your own devices. though after being with bokuto for so long, it wouldn’t be that hard.
you knew your man like the back of your hand.
he was probably starving after practice, and what better than to cook some barbecued meat for him - his favourite, with the special sauce you always made just for him. after making some side dishes and rice, you set the table for the two of you, leaving the meat to stay warm in the oven while you went for a quick shower. bokuto made it know how much he enjoys the smell of your cherry bomb body wash, yet today you opted to lather on his orange body wash. knowing the smell of him on you made him crazy, you dried yourself off and decided to wear his old shirt from high school; the baby blue of ‘the way of the ace’ shirt, with the faded black characters.
you had just finished throwing your softest blankets and fluffiest pillows onto the couch in the living room, when you caught the sound jingling keys at the front door. leaping over the back of the sofa, you ran just in time for the door to open.
“kou!” you exclaimed, leaping as soon as you see his bulky figure enter through the doorway. his gym bag landed on the wooden floors with a thud, as he caught you easily in his arms. “welcome home! i missed you so much, baby!”
bokuto’s hold on you is tight. “hi, y/n…” there’s none of the usual chirp in his voice, and you squeeze him closer to you, peppering kisses on his face.
“are you hungry? i made your favourite.”
offering him a small smile at his slight nod, you slid out of his grasp, taking his hand to lead him to the dining table. when he saw the table set, barbecued meats on display, he tugged you to a halt; staring at you with round, golden puppy eyes filled with appreciation. you sat on his lap as he ate, with your arm hooked around his neck; allowing him to feed you, as he listened to you talk about your day. and when the two of you were done, bokuto offered to finish off the dishes while you lounged on the sofa waiting for him, netflix loading on the wide screen television.
distracted by the trailer of some netflix original film, your caught by surprise when bokuto slides face first between your thighs. with his cheek pressed against your pelvis, he shifts your legs over his broad shoulders, thighs almost obscuring his face from your vision if it weren’t for the frosted tips of his hair sticking out. running your fingers through the slightly damp, silken strands; you felt you relax in your embrace, releasing a contented sigh.
“kou?” he hums in response, arms sliding around your thighs as he nuzzles his face into your smooth skin. “i know today wasn’t the best, but there’s always a tomorrow. just remember that i love you so much, and i’m here...okay baby?”
lifting his head slightly, thighs resting by his jaw, he sets his chin just below your navel. staring up at you, he takes your hands in his, slippings his fingers between yours.
“i love you, y/n.” he whispers, slightly mumbled. “thank you for everything.”
giving his hands a loving squeeze, you start explaining the new movie you want to watch. and with his interest piqued, the two of you spend the rest of the afternoon in the comfort of each other; bokuto tracings patterns on your leg, and your hands tangled in his hair.
SUGAWARA KOUSHI
it had been almost a month since you and suga’s return from your honeymoon. after spending an amazing three weeks on a tropical island with your newly wedded husband; strolling along sandy beaches, scuba diving in clear blue waters, and spending warm nights making love under the stars - it was safe to say you were missing the time away relaxing.
so when daichi called your husband during the week to make plans for the long weekend, you were more than happy for a mini getaway to tokyo with your old high school friends.
and that’s how you found yourself, guava oil spread across your skin, stretched out by the poolside, and sipping your umeshu tonic through a pink swirly straw. the boys had decided to take a dip and cool off in the pool, while you and kiyoko had taken to some sunbathing. it was a little after midday, scorching sun at its peak; and the golden rays captured the sparkle of the princess cut diamond of your engagement ring resting between two matching, diamond encrusted bands.
“you’re going to blind everyone with all those diamonds, y/n.” blinking away the daze you’d caught yourself in, you chuckle at kiyoko’s teasing.
“speak for yourself, soon-to-be-mrs-tanaka.” you shot back, nodding at the glimmering engagement ring on her own finger.
the two of you giggled like little school girls, cheeks flushed and eyes closed in mirth; only stopping when a sudden wall appeared, blocking the warm sunshine, and shadowing over you. the wall being none other tanaka, suga following behind.
“kiyo~!” tanaka coos, leaning over his fiancé. “you look hot- uh, i mean it’s pretty hot, y’know.”
kiyoko simply raises an arched brow, listening to tanaka’s rambling; which quickly turned into the latter throwing the her over his shoulder, and running back towards the pool. she hadn’t even protested at his manhandling, taking to sending you a look that said ‘what can i do?’. with the two of them gone, your full attention was set on the sight of suga.
now standing next to you, his hazel-brown eyes glanced over your laid out figure in appreciation; entranced with the way your bikini top dug into the soft flesh of your breasts, drawing attention to the deep valley of your cleavage. your own keen eyes took in the sight of his slender build; admiring the way his soaked canary trunks hung low on his hips, polyester sticking to his thighs and leaving little to your imagination. with his chest exposed, glistening under the sun as droplets of water slid down his toned stomach - it suddenly felt as if the air had become ten degrees warmer.
“hey there, this seat taken?” suga asks, tilting his head and running a hand to push back the damp, grey strands out of his face.
“oh, this seat?” you ask, gesturing to the lounge chair you were occupying.
your brow’s furrow slightly in confusion, though you gasp when he trails ticklish fingers over your thigh, before squeezing the soft flesh. “no, this one.”
chuckling, you hold your left hand up, wiggling your jewelled ring finger in front of you. “sorry sir, i’m a taken woman.”
suga just grins at you cheekily, leaning forward to press his soft lips against your own. this kiss is brief, but the lingering taste of his mango chapstick and chlorine has you a bit dazed; allowing him to part your legs and slide himself right between them. laying on his stomach, your legs rest by his sides, his fingers teasing the hem of your bikini bottoms.
“ah yes, that you are, sweetheart. and i’m the lucky man who gets to call you mine.” with his cheek is smushed against your thigh, his words come out slurred; but the dreamy look in his eyes as he stares up at you is clear.
“and i’m lucky to have you, koushi.” you whisper in return, the weight of him over you is comforting and you find yourself leaning back into the lounger; as suga nestles himself closer into you.
“mmm, i love this...laying right here between your thighs, sweetheart.”
© 2020 AIIWA. please do not copy, modify or repost my work.
#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu x character#haikyuu fluff#iwaizumi hajime x reader#kuroo tetsurou x reader#bokuto koutarou x reader#sugawara koushi x reader#iwaizumi x reader#kuroo x reader#bokuto x reader#sugawara x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#iwaizumi#kuroo#bokuto#sugawara#iwaizumi fluff#kuroo fluff#bokuto fluff#sugawara fluff
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aaron hotchner x fem!reader
warnings: smut, oral (fem receiving), face riding, wet dream, degrading, sir kink, fingering, masturbation, food.
do not read if you are uncomfortable.
summary: a wet dream leads to a steamy morning after Hotch finds out.
word count: 2.3k
a/n: I’m so in love with Hotch, do expect more of him lmao.
hope you enjoy :)
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“Fuck you taste so good, darling.” Hotch groans.
You nod bashfully as you move your hips faster in a circle as Aaron’s tongue swirls around your clit and up your slit.
“Such a dirty slut grinding against my face like that.” Hotch chuckles, pulling his tongue away from your aching core. You whine in objection.
“Use your words darling, let me hear how much you want it.” He growls, licking a long stripe up your cunt as latching onto your clit, chuckling as you squirm around in desperation, sending delicious vibrations up your core.
“Oh fuck Sir, please eat me out, make me cum! I need it so fucking bad.” You cry desperately, circling your hips faster as Hotch obliges, tightening his grip on your hips to pull you further onto his face and dragging his tongue in and out of your tight slit, moaning loudly to send shockwaves up your belly.
“F-Fuck!”
Sunlight pours into your room in a soft beam as your eyes flutter open. You slowly sit up and yawn, glancing over at your boyfriend fondly as he snores softly under the covers, when suddenly, your dream comes crashing back down on you.
You bite your lip to hold back a soft moan as you recall the way Aaron’s tongue felt against your aching clit. You could feel your heartbeat travel to your core at the mere thought.
Another soft snore pulls you out of your thoughts and you avert your gaze down to the sleeping man beside you. His short black hair had grown out giving him an almost boyish look, his warm brown eyes lay hidden as he dozed and his lips lay slightly parted. The usual look of determination on his face was replaced with peace as his face relaxed, and with the sun pouring down onto his face and bare chest just barely peeking out past your comforter.
You swallow as almost tauntingly his tongue darts out to wet his top lip before retreating back behind his teeth, he was just starting to stir, but you couldn’t stand this anymore.
You nibble on your bottom lip as you debate waking Aaron up, but he slept so peacefully and you couldn’t bring yourself to do that, especially after a case.
You sigh, feeling tired just thinking about your last assignment.
Oh, but the heat between your legs was getting too much to bear!
Begrudgingly you decide to just get off by yourself. Waving your hand over Arron’s eyes you come to the conclusion he was out cold, you should be alright.
As quietly as possible you swing your feet off the bed and pad down to the guest bedroom, just to be safe. You exhale gently and remove your pajamas until you’re only left in a pair of panties and climb onto the bed.
You kneel so you’re facing the wall behind you and allow one hand to leave your breast and travel down your body until it’s down the front of your panties.
Hotch’s low voice rings in your head.
“You taste so good, darling.”
Your fingers begin moving around your clit in circles and figure eights, moving closer towards your slit as you whimper gently and begin delving deeper.
“Good morning, love.”
You squeak in surprise, pulling your hand from your panties and staring in shock-horror at a groggy Aaron standing in the doorway.
“What are you doing in the guest room?” He questions tiredly, stretching one arm out as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.
“D’you want—” He begins, voice faltering as his eyes finally focus on you, finally noticing your topless frame and your flushed cheeks.
“—breakfast…”
You smile nonchalantly and avert your gaze to the wall beside you, suddenly finding the cream wallpaper to be far more interesting.
“Well I wouldn’t mind waking up to a sight like that every day.” Hotch smirks as you roll your eyes gently.
“What’s got you all hot and bothered this morning love?” He teases, walking closer and gathering you into his arms.
“N-No reason.” You sigh, burying your face into the crook of his neck to hide the growing flush on your face.
“No, tell me darling, I’m rather curious.”
A shudder runs down your spine at the pet name and you feel your heartbeat travel to your core again.
“I-It’s fine really.” You exclaim, trying to laugh the situation off and squirm your way out of your boyfriend’s grip.
“No, you’re not getting off that easy.” Aaron chuckles, running his hands up and down your bare back, licking his lips as he imagines what wet fantasies had you so flustered.
“I— had a dream.” You confess, glancing up into Hotch’s, now dark, brown eyes
“Oh? Why don’t you tell me about it, lovet?” He chides, sitting you back down on the bed and standing above you.
“Was it my fingers?” He starts, sliding his hand up your thighs slowly. You shake your head ‘no.’
“My cock perhaps?” He questions. You shake your head again.
“My tongue, then?” Aaron asks, licking his lips.
You pause and finally, nod gently.
Hotch takes your chin in between his fingers and tilts your head to come eye to eye with him before whispering.
“Dreaming about me eating you out, love? How exciting.” He chuckles, hooking his fingers on your panties and pulling them down your thighs.
“I— I was riding your face.” You admit, feeling your confidence grow.
“I see. Tell me more.”
“You called me a dirty slut and made me beg for your tongue.” You stammer, gasping as Aaron leans closer and nibbles down your neck.
“You do love it when I call you a little slut don’t you?”
“Yes, Sir— fuck I do.” You whimper desperately, squeezing your thighs together as you feel your arousal grow.
Hotch smirks at your words. You always loved teasing him by calling him sir, even before you started fucking.
“Then sit on my face poppet, let’s make that dream come true.” Aaron smirks darkly, laying down on the mattress before guiding you into a sitting position on his hips and waiting. Your face must have resembled a tomato because Hotch cocks an eyebrow at you and beckons you forwards. “Don’t be shy darling, you want me to eat that little pussy of yours don’t you?”
You nod shyly and Hotch leans up to place a tender kiss on your lips for a second before lying back down.
Your eyes trail up Aaron’s bare chest, admiring each muscle and scar along his chest and abdomen. You roll your hips teasingly and nibble on your bottom lip when Hotch grabs your hips firmly and narrows his eyes.
“Nice try y/n, but I’m in charge today.” Hotch smirks, watching as you swallow sheepishly and nod.
You inch upwards slowly, letting your pussy graze Aaron’s chest, watching his eyes drink in your figure.
Once you maneuver yourself over his arms, he catches you off-guard, wrapping his arms around your thighs and jolting you forward onto his mouth.
Your breath hitches and you move your hands to the top of the headboard so you wouldn’t fall.
Turns out you would need it because once Hotch got his grip he pries your legs apart, he immediately takes your clit into his mouth and flicks the sensitive numb around with his tongue.
“O-Oh fuck.” You moan, moving one of your hands down into Hotch’s soft black hair and pulling gently.
Hotch hums in response sending waves of euphoria up your abdomen and clouding your vision, causing your grip to tighten and your hips to sway.
“S-Sir, please go faster.” You whine, grinding your hips down on Hotch’s tongue only for him to pull you back.
“So impatient, grinding on my tongue like the dirty little slut you are.” He chuckles, licking a soft stripe up your slit.
You whimper needily.
“Please sir-” You pause, your mouth forming into a soft ‘o’ as Aaron’s tongue delves a little deeper.
“Please sir what, love? What do you want?” He taunts, attaching his lips to your clit and sucking on it slowly.
“Oh please sir, f-fuck me with your tongue, you make me feel so so good-” Your breath hitches again as Aaron nibbles on your clit and laughs.
“Now was that so hard, whore?” Hotch snarls, pulling you fully back onto his face again and burying his tongue as deep as he could into your pussy.
You gasp as shivers go down your spine. Hotch’s tongue darts in and out, swirling around your tight hole as his calloused hands rub down your thighs as you grind.
“Oh my god- right there sir, fuck-” You cry, grinding, rolling and bucking your hips, all in an effort to get closer, to feel more.
Your hand leaves Hotch’s hair and travels up your body, you take your breasts into your hands and knead forcefully sending your pleasure over the top as you feel Hotch’s tongue and moans send shockwaves of ecstasy through every inch of your being.
Your heartbeat pounds in your clit and with every thrust of Hotch’s tongue another moan of pleasure leaves your mouth, mixed perfectly with the sound of his.
The familiar feeling of a burning knot in your stomach begins to poke at you and your hand grasps onto Aaron’s hair.
“Mh- Sir. Oh fuck, Sir I’m close.” You whine, bouncing your hips up and down.
Hotch chuckles and moves one of his hands from your thigh to under your body and positions it under your core.
In one fluid movement he moves his tongue back to your clit and slides two digits up your wet hole, easily pushing them all the way in and starting to curl them, hitting your g-spot over and over again.
“Oh f-fuck. Just like that.” You whimper.
Aaron’s lips release your clit slowly as his fingers continue to pump and curl inside you.
His smirk grows as he watches your desperate form cling onto his hair and roll your hips trying to get more.
“You should see yourself, love. Absolutely pathetic begging for me.” Hotch growls, sliding a third finger into your core.
You whine in response, unable to form a coherent sentence with Aaron’s fingers thrusting in and out of you.
Hotch chuckles darkly and suddenly slams three digits inside you hitting deeper, grazing your cervix and causing you to throw your head back in pure euphoria.
“O-Oh please Sir- I-I’m so close. Please, more.” You beg, bouncing on Hotch’s fingers as the burning tight coil in your stomach edges you closer to release.
“Fuck- were you begging like this in your dream darling? Tell me how much you want it, you dirty slut.” Aaron demands, swirling his tongue around your clit again.
“I need it sir- please, I-I need it so bad, please let me cum.” You whimper, feeling tears prick at the corner of your eyes as you inch closer and closer to your release. You were so close, but you needed more.
Hotch smirks into your pussy and begins sucking forcefully on your clit.
He swirls his tongue around, nibbles, sucks, and sends the full force of his moans up your core.
The waves of ecstacy crash like waves on you, making it difficult to say anything.
With long digits still pumping and burying themselves deep inside you, curling to hit your g-spot, you throw your head back and curl your toes as you finally whine.
“P-Please, may I cum, sir?”
Hotch picks up the pace in your core and with one final flick of his tongue he commands.
“Cum for me.”
The coil in your stomach suddenly bursts and white flashes in your vision as a string of incoherent moans leave your mouth. You throw your head back, tighten your grip in Hotch’s hair as your breath comes out in heavy pants.
When your sight returns your legs are shaking, but your hips still sway in a circular motion to ride out your high. Hotch drags his tongue up your slit repeatedly, while his fingers move at a slower pace.
Your clit pulsed each time Aaron ran his tongue over it, and you could tell he was enjoying the small squeak that left your mouth each time.
Once he was cleaning you up and having his fun, he shifts his attention to your thigh where he places a sloppy kiss against it and uses teeth to help him leave a mark.
Feeling all your strength leave your body, you feel yourself fall backwards onto Aaron’s legs, you did your best to slow your fall, but your land with a thud in between Hotch’s outstretched legs.
“Are you alright, love?” He asks, sitting upwards and pulling you back upwards into his arms.
“Mhm, never better.” You sigh, snuggling into his warm chest.
“Was it anything like your dream?” Hotch teases, tenderly caressing his hand down your neck.
“Aaron, it was even better.” You giggle dreamily, wrapping your arms around Hotch’s neck.
“Even better, huh?” He grins smugly, evidently proud of himself.
“Even better.” You sigh, letting him have his moment.
Hotch gives you one of his famous smiles, one you almost never get to see on the job, but one you always see when you’re together. The one that showed a little teeth and spread to his eyes.
“I love you.” He murmurs, leaning into you to rest his forehead against yours.
“I love you more.” You smile, rubbing your nose against his.
“Impossible.” He chuckles, scooting to the edge of the bed before standing and shifting you into a bridal style carry.
“Let’s get you back in bed.” Hotch murmurs, carrying you back to your shared room and tucking you in under the covers.
“I’ll go make some breakfast, rest okay?” Aaron smiles, pressing a slow kiss to your lips.
He pauses as he pulls back, meaning to pull back and leave, but he can’t help but connect your lips for a little longer and feel your fingers run through his hair and down his neck before he breaks the kiss, presses a soft peck to your cheek and walk out the door leaving you flustered, warm and with butterflies in your stomach.
You would never get tired of that.
#aaron hotchner <3#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x reader smut#aaron hotchner sir kink#criminal minds x reader#aaron hotchner x you#hotch x reader#hotch#hotch x you#arron hotchner smut#nsfw.anya
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LOVE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE - suna x fem!reader x osamu smau
part 22: it hurts
summary: after years of not talking to each other, your childhood best friend decided to reach out again, how will everything go?
note: well, finally some self-love arc lmao, I promise, things are gonna get better from now on!
series masterlist - playlist - part 23
you let the tears fall after reading that text, your brain was playing tricks with you, clearly, he didn't love you
comfort was what you needed right now, and comfort is what you're gonna get, even if it's from his best friend, you couldn't think of anything else but a big hug that would assure you that everything was gonna be fine plus a good nap with scented candles burning
“s-samu—” you told through the phone with quivering lips “— are you still near m-my house?”
he didn't had to ask you what was happening to know that you were crying, fully sobbing, what happened in just the span of ten minutes that he walked you home?
“hey, what's going on? everything alright—? stay there, I'm going” he started running back to your apartment
“it hurts, samu”
he could feel the pain of your voice, growing worried with every past second back to your home
“what hurts? tell me, am almost there angel, please”
“everything hurts– I can't anymore, I can't keep up with him anymore”
he was getting closer to your door, feet's going faster that his thoughts “angel, a need ya to go down and open the door, can ya do that for me?”
you took a deep breath before taking the keys on your hands “y-yes, I'm going” he could hear the sound of your door closing through the call
“perfect— look, a can see ya going out the elevator”
the moment you saw osamu the tears were filling your eyes again, running to his figure just to smash your face to his neck and let all out
“im sorry— I'm so sorry but I cant– I don't want to keep up with him anymore samu”
he turned his head a little to the side to give you a reassuring peck on your forehead “calm down angel, we can go upstairs and relax together, ‘kay?”
osamu and you were okt the comfiness of the queen sized bed, your legs thrown over his lap and face still hiding in the crook of his neck that was now wet with your tears, your body still quivering in sadness and mind tired of thinking all the fucking
“can ya tell me what happened now”
you moved your head from left to right and he could feel it through his skin, slightly quirking a brow “why not?”
“don’ wan’ you to see suna in a different way”
he dropped one of his hands in your hips while the other brought your face up, cleaning the salty tears that stained your cheeks “im not gonna say anything to him, let it out”
you took his hand on yours, snuggling further into the warm he provided, slowly starting to replay the fresh memories in your head to word them out “so, I had a date with suna today”
“yes, and ya were worried because he didn't show up then we had boba together”
“uh-huh” you hummed to validate his words “after you dropped me home he—” it was hard to say it out loud, the pain feeling ten times worst, it felt like needles going through the middle of your heart and your eyes were betraying you yet again “— he texted me, to tell me he went out with kaede”
osamu was just getting furious at his friends action, it doesn't matter if it was you or someone else, that was wrong. stand up someone is wrong and he still can't understand why is the reason behind his moves, you at least we're just his best friend after all, there was no reason for him to make you feel like a discarded toy
“i asked him how did it went because I didn't want to sound whiny” you started sobbing, you couldn't look straight into his eyes because the shame was eating you alive, the shame of loving someone who doesn't spare you a glance, the shame of forgiving someone that didn't gave you a proper apology, the shame of thinking he would change, for you “he texted me they fucked, as if I w-wasnt waiting for him like a stupid girl in that shop, I'm so tired ‘samu, I don't want to keep up with him anymore, I don't want and I can't, I can't take it anymore”
with the hand he had on your face, he brought you closer to him, foreheads touching while his other hand was up and down your spine to give you comfort, he promised you he wouldn't say nothing but it was so hard, stupidly hard no to go to his friends house or perhaps this girl's house to knock some sense into him, to make him give you a proper apologise, to make him see you gather up without his help, to make him feel the same sadness you're going through right now
“thats fucked up angel, am sorry– so sorry” he told you from the deepest parts of his heart because it was exactly how he was feeling, sorry he couldn't stop his friend from doing such a immature things and sorry for not being there for you since before
“not your fault ‘samu it's just—" you got out from his embrace to sit next to him and lay your head on his broad shoulders “— I really like him, and I told him that but clearly he doesn't give a shit” he could feel the single hot tear landing on his skin, he made sure to snip an arm into your waist just to make you know you were not alone in this, from now on, he is your rock
“even if it hurts, I need to move on”
taglist [open]: @arrogantsonofabiscuit @sakusasbitch @souco @sunasexual @boba-duckie @discountkiyoko @shoyotime @sunalma @kuroohoeee @triniteaaa @zukoslosthishonor @iheartkuroorin @kac-chowsballs @akaashiwife @lilith412426 @loveprisms @eunoiwa @gladly-olus @its-the-aerieljeane @smackmyasslikeavolleyball @bakugouswh0r3 @erens-piss-cleaner @call-me-lulu @peachyaeger @omisemi @megumiisee @almondeupeach @lady-tokugawa-of-mikawa @whorefornoodles @togesslut @singularly-gifted-witch @art-junkie-13 @usernotcool @whoreuc @schleepyflocci @tetsuhoes @tatiquichi @starylust @bakudummy @akaashis-wife @mysterystarz @mysticstrawberryballoon @rinsangel @gumisluvr @givingeraserhead @srkuv @lyzzklm @shrimpypenis @psycho-nightrose
#👥 — love is not for everyone#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu angst#haikyuu smau#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x reader#hq fluff#hq angst#hq smau#hq x you#hq x reader#suna rintarou#suna rintaro#suna fluff#suna angst#suna smau#suna x you#suna x reader
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milo september 20th spoilers and thoughts
What a man of his word mr GREER is
His mom wouldn't even let him play with an ouija board growing up asfdsghj
"I'm tryna put it back— oh there we go— you stupid little—"
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck all of you what the fuck is that"
"What why are you already given me shit? This is my desk, am I not allowed to look at my own fuckin desk?"
"I believe it said I CAN use that here 🤨💅"
"Why do I have to walk backwards?? Nothing good comes from walking backwards"
"Please stop looking at me like thatttttt"
"Can I sprint with the body? That's a little morbid"
"I don't even like that a little bit. WHO MAKES A GAME ABOUT DEAD BODIES"
"Wire the jaw shut. what. WHAT."
"Oh I dont like anything about that sentence— hammering setting needles in the b—"
"Moisturize the skin of the deceased… is that before or after I go in with the needle?"
He doesn't like teeth shit LMAOOOO
"Stop making me do this shit I don't wanna do this shit"
"Oh yeah all better now" 😑
"What? What? Oh look the gangs all here"
"I dont wanna continue I dont"
"Checmical haha"
"Make an incision in the carotid artery and jugular vein with scalpel— do I have to 😭"
"That is a very ominous picture of your grandmother"
"Is this your apartment? Where do you sleep? On the couch? This is a very sad sad apartment"
"I think that means pick up. Dont you dare fall— dont you dare fucking fall"
"You know what rebecca I dont think that's the case— rebecca no"
"Alright the game really said you wanna play bitch let's fucking play"
"You need to fucking go rebecca"
"Stop calling me you stupid bitch, you didnt even pick up that thing you said you would"
"Rebecca 😐" count: 16537272
"Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh… yeah real fuckin simple "
"No not whatever. Dont you tell me whatever rebecca. I'm the one in charge here right now." My little sigma male 🤗😍
"I'll sprint through this nasty ass hallway"
Dont make me do this count: 9546367
"Dont you fuckin look at me cordell:
"I dont wanna check him out you seem like a nice guy it's a damn shame you died so young but I dont wanna fuckin do this"
"I never thought the fuckin day would come when I would be missin prey. I miss prey so much right about now"
CHRIST ON A FUCKIN CRACKER LMAOOO
"Dont fuckin cheerfully beep at meeee"
"Goddamnit I wish I could right about now:
"Okay—okay— that shit just told me to s— okay"
"Please dont— please dont do that maybe we could not do that"
Not his voice wavering stop hes gonna cry
"Cool great now were getting possessed love to see it love to fucking see it"
"I dont understand what the hell is wrong with people who like this shit. what is this. And if you dont stop fucking laughing at me this is NOT funny. You are a literal fuckin BEAST from hell. No— no you do NOT get kisses. You're never getting kisses again I cant stand you. I cant fuckin stand you right now" the way he laughs when he says all that 💞
Him ignoring the phone until it gets annoying lmao
"Oh look we've already got an incision how delightful"
"Yup nice and moisturized buddy (ireallydontlikethishesgonnawakeuphesgonnagrabme)"
HE MISSED AN ENTIRE FUCKING DEMON IN THE DOORWAY SCARED THE LITERAL DOGSHIT OUTTA ME
it's the way Milo scared me more than the fucking demon in the background asdfhsgaff
"Is this how I can end this early though? Can I just go down there and fuckin die? Is that a choice? Is that an option?"
Rebecca- that's not it
Milo- are you sure its not
Rebecca- I cant use that here
Milo- but maybe you can try
Not him bringing up desolation of smaug lmaooo
The way Erik's scream made me jump while I was doin my art hw
"Gimme the sigil gimme the sigil gimme the sigil"
Guys I'm sensing Milo doesn't like tooth stuff
"Yeah there we go you heard the lady"
Hallucination/vision time YAYYYY
"If you think I'm gonna answer that phone you've got another thing comin. You're outta your damn mind"
I swear that scary water demon lady gets me every time I watch a playthrough like ong I fucking jump
The sigh and the pop followed by the "I dont like thisss" was cute
"Yep thunder and lightning, boo"
Not him begging not to have to moisturize helpppp
"Oh my god dont talk to me through the dead body"
The game made him go mad hes raving like damnnnn
"I'm gonna stop you right there raymond" lmaooo the sass
"Prey would be a fuckin gift" and his rant about not liking sweetheart was hilarious AND THE KISS AT THE END HES SUCH A CUTIE I LOVE MILO SM AND I CANT HES LITERALLY SUCH A DELIGHT
#redacted asmr#redactedasmr#redacted audio#redacted milo greer#redacted milo x sweetheart#redacted sweetheart#redacted milo#redacted gamebois
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death valley (m) | part 8
summary: welcome to death valley. once you’re in, there’s no telling whether you’ll make it out alive. a summer internship turns wild with blurry nights of dangerous men, dirty money, and extremely hot sex. you soon get caught in a savage game of greed, power and obsession, only to find out that you are the grand prize
pairing: ot7 x f.reader smut ft: jin x reader, jungkook x reader, taehyung x reader
genre: smut. yandere. mystery. thriller. gang!au rockstar!au fightclub!au
wordcount: 9.0k
warnings: reader discretion advised. rough sex, physical roughness, sadism kink, pain kink, breast play, fingering, elevator sex (semipublic), praise kink, dirty talk, unrealistic endurance (this is one day LMAO), attempted fire play, bondage, guns, attempted shootings, knife play if you squint, spanking, degradation (name calling, slut shaming, being really mean lolol thanks jin), crying kink? lot of crying, toxic and manipulative behaviors, jin steps on you so there’s that, character death, heavy drug use, paranoia/fear, voyeurism, sex while intoxicated, me trying to put some humor where i can, sweet dom!jungkook, wild dom!jin, and a sprinkle of dom!taehyung ;) ALSO eyebrowpiercing!jungkook. very important.
a/n: s/o soowoozoo!bts for being my inspo.
part 0 | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | series navi | masterlist |
F L A S H F O R W A R D--
Goosebumps spread across your skin as the silence set in. The room was chilly, air conditioner buzzing in contrast to the slick humidity of the summer night waiting for you outside. The white light made your eyes ache, the walls were plain, dry, empty.
You stared blankly at the table in front of you. The sound of the pen scratching paper made you ache, remembering kinder days when you and Hobi would be goofing around and writing songs. How did you get here? How did you let this happen?
The previous night, you had dreamt of being at a concert, somewhere far from Death Valley. Losing yourself to music and molly, a soft pair of hands on your hips as you danced the night away, singing at the top of your lungs. Those same hands wrapping around your waist, nose tracing behind your ear to whisper to you how pretty you were. How hot you looked and how badly he wanted to tear your clothes off with his teeth.
You allowing him to pick you up so easily, take you back to his car where you scrambled into the back seat. Like children. The first kiss was magic, you were glued to him and could barely move on. He wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wouldn’t let you breathe. Your lips were hot on each other, soft moans and giggles. Swallowed smiles as you drank one another in, bodies like waves crashing against each other.
Hands wandering until he had you where he wanted. Where you wanted. He loved you down so incredibly good. How he was able to tear you apart while still being so sweet, you could barely even fathom. His teeth dug into the flesh of your breasts, fingers hooking around your panties.
His tongue ravished your figure. There was no part of you left untouched, no part of you that wasn’t completely ablaze with arousal. You would arch your neck back as he lapped away at the sweetness dripping between your legs, your hands combing through his wavy black hair.
His tongue knew where to go, he knew how you liked it, and your fist clenched as he fucked you with his mouth through and through. He always made sure you came first. Always. Every single time.
Whether you had mere minutes or long hours, he loved the way you tasted, making sure you knew that at every chance he got. Sloppy wet kisses traveled up your stomach to your chest, up your neck, hands caressing your ass, scratching your back, holding you close for a moment.
You were whisked away into heaven, just briefly, as his thick cock would push into you. Your pussy pulling him in, wanting to feel the familiar but oh so incredible stretch that only he gave you.
Taehyung. You sobbed as he fucked you, allowing him to kiss the glossy tears off of your cheeks as he rolled his hips, angling so perfectly to nudge deep within you. His sinister grin, his giggles, his chaos. You were in the hands of disaster but you never felt more safe.
Why are you crying dumbass? He would find your state amusing, continuing to fuck you, thrusts long and smooth. Quick, but slow enough for you to savor each second. Your whining lost behind the wet sound of your bodies colliding.
Where are you? Are you watching this right now? You’re not really dead are you?
Stroking your cheek, he leaned down to whisper against your mouth. The words he would keep on saying, echoing back to you. Play along. I won’t hurt you.
What exactly you were playing, you were unsure.
“Look at me” Your eyes darted up to meet Jin’s deceivingly innocent eyes. “I’m gonna ask you again, did you kill Kim Taehyung?”
You gulped, sweat collecting onto the cold handcuffs around your wrists. Jin glanced at the mirrored wall, before letting out a heavy sigh.
“It appears that Kim Taehyung was murdered about two hours before the party. We found your gun near the body.” Jin holds up the custom weapon Yoongi had given that was unmistakably yours. “Where were you at that time?” You felt your eyes getting heavy.
“I was” You lips were chapped, mouth clammy with a bitter taste. You looked him dead in the eye, stomach sickened by the amusement glistening within them as you struggled with your response. You knew he was getting a kick out of it. You wanted to spit on his face. You wanted to slap him, to scream, to flip the table and break out of the windowless room that caged you.
“I was with...y..” Jin smirked, leaning back. You cleared your throat, mind running a mile a minute.
“With who Y/n?”
You glared at him. He was treating this as some sort of role play. You felt queasy at the thought. Someone was dead. Dead.
“You. I was with you”
F L A S H B A C K--
The morning rays slid through the expansive glass wall of the hotel room, causing Yoongi’s eyes to flinch, squinting as they opened and took in the day that presented itself. He sighed heavily, the weight of the previous night still on his mind. You were still asleep, but he could see through the chaffing beneath your wrists that you were not comfortable. He took the leash and fastened it to the headboard, ensuring you had no escape.
Grabbing his keys, Yoongi quickly got dressed in a white hoodie and left the room. He needed to find out the truth for himself. He couldn’t afford to have you lying to him already.
It was so frustrating to him that you couldn’t just be honest with him. He had been immensely open with you even if he was not proud of what he had to share. Why would you hide things? Hadn’t he proven himself to you? Hadn’t he done everything to win your heart?
Yoongi sighed. His anger issues were core to his being. It was part of his true self, but he had spent years trying to become someone you would fall in love with. All he wanted to do was make home in your heart, but no matter how many of your suitors he ended up threatening, beating to a pulp, and forcing them to bail on you, there was nothing in his power that could tear down that goddamn Park Jimin poster on your bedroom wall.
There was nothing he could do to stop you from writing small fantasies in your journal that you kept stashed in your bedside drawer.
Yoongi would be lying if he said he didn’t come close to killing Jimin multiple times before. But he realized that would not have delivered him a solution. If Jimin died, you would mourn. You would still harbor that love for him and never have an opportunity to see what he really was. It was because of this Yoongi, with Taehyung’s helpful insight, had orchestrated a way to destroy Jimin in your eyes.
Jimin was then introduced to Yoongi’s two weapons of destruction, Taehyung and cocaine. Yoongi worked hard to build himself up as a successful music producer. He had to be better than Jimin, had to make sure he could offer you everything Jimin could and more.
To his surprise, you did move on from Jimin, at least the reality of him. But this fantasy of who he used to be remained pinned to your heart. After Jimin quit music, the mention of his name would still cause you to blush and smile. It made Yoongi want to throw up.
You had to see for yourself. Yoongi learned what it was that attracted you to Jimin and embodied just that. You liked that you had to chase him, you liked that he didn’t give a shit about you. You liked that he never noticed you and you had to pine for his attention. You liked that he was dedicated to his music, you liked the lifestyle he was associated with. You liked his lack of emotion and fantasized of him showing his true colors to you and only you, a sensitive, sweet, charming guy. Anger was not a part of this persona at all.
When he felt like he had driven Jimin crazy enough with the drugs, he decided to plant rumors on stan twitter that Jimin would be signing with his label. Using his personal relationship with the singer, he was able to sign him on. He conveniently then offered you a summer internship, knowing full well you would be coming for one reason alone. Park Jimin.
Yoongi wanted you to fall straight into his arms. He rented out every available apartment for the months you were searching for a place to live, forcing you to reside in his building. He wanted to win you over naturally. He wanted you to work with Jimin, hook up with Jimin, and end up loathing him. Loving Yoongi instead.
Jimin’s gang activity was getting on Yoongi’s nerves. Taehyung told him Jimin was in Death Valley, that you saw Jimin at Death Valley. When Yoongi heard from you, not Taehyung, that you had been kidnapped, along with Namjoon nonetheless, Yoongi had enough. He was used to giving Taehyung plenty of unsupervised jurisdiction, so Jimin’s accident was not a surprise to him.
But you sympathized with Jimin, which was not what he wanted. He then decided to take things into his own hands, threatening Seokjin into throwing the fight to leech Jimin of every cent he had. He broke into your apartment, fucking everything up so that you had no choice but to come to him. To need him.
And when Jin didn’t lose, he had no choice but to reveal to you who he was. Even after all his honestly, all his trust, you still lied to him.
Yoongi was furious. He arrived at Death Valley, using the front entrance. Pulling a mask over his face, he barged in, surveying the silence as a sign that the bar was empty. Through the kitchen he arrive at the back storage room, accessible only by key, where all of the surveillance had been set up years ago.
Monitors were spread across the wall, but Yoongi’s eyes narrowed in at one that was coming up with no feed. Your apartment. Someone had fucked with the cameras. Yoongi types away at the main monitor, enlarging your apartment footage and reeling back to find the moment the device was destroyed.
He sees Taehyung, whispering something to you. Next thing he knows the stream is blank. He grits his teeth, as all the pieces fall into place. He was a fool. How could he have been so blind? Taehyung must be in love with you. He must have, after watching you for so many years. Yoongi scowled at the thought of the ways Taehyung may have seen you, naked, vulnerable, ways that only he should.
He had trusted Taehyung. Taehyung had only ever shown interest in money and Yoongi thought that was enough. Taehyung must have fucked you over and over again once the cameras were dead. What a whore. It made sense then that he had cut the line through his branding on you. He was the only one who could have. He had access to you and he was psychotic! He must have forced you to lie. You wouldn’t ever hide anything from Yoongi, no, Yoongi was the man of your dreams. You felt grateful that you had him, didn’t you?
He tilted his head, cracking his knuckles before he punched the glass screen, causing the feed to go haywire and sparks to erupt. Kim Taehyung. You are dead to me.
Yoongi growled lowly before picking up his phone. “It’s me. I need to see you. Now”
-
Hobi kept his hand on the small of your back as he led you down to the hotel bar. The two of you nodded politely at the staff members who were busily preparing for the big event. The bar was empty aside for a few guests enjoying their brunch-time mimosas.
Hobi couldn’t really revel in the fact that the two of you were getting drinks together, almost like a date. His mind was too caught up in the initial shock he felt when he saw you tied up in his boss’ bedroom. He felt upset, but moreso he felt violated. He wondered if you were getting taken advantage of. Did he promise you a promotion? Was he manipulating you?
Punishing someone like that, Hobi was never one to kink shame, but it seemed a bit much. The name burned into your skin did nothing to ease his concern. Someone who was possessive, violent, impulsive. It reminded him of...
Hobi didn’t know. He didn’t know who gave him orders. He really didn’t care once the cash rolled in, but it began hitting too close to home. He wasn’t thrilled about hurting Namjoon, but two duffel bags of cash were enough for him to momentarily set aside his morals.
“What should I get?” You surveyed the small menu of cocktails. “What’s gonna fuck me up the fastest?”
Hobi snorted, “Tequila” He twirled your hair as your gaze remained glued to the menu. The thought of you being in danger upset him greatly “Y/n...when did Yoongi brand you?" You called the bartender ordering a line of shots to which the they glanced at the clock before giving you a weird look.
“The night of the rematch” You told him, reacting before you realized what you had said. Your lip tucked between your teeth as you tried to conjure an excuse. A row of shot glasses was placed in front of you. You took one, gulping it down before letting out a heavy sigh. The bitterness burned down your throat. You basked as the liquid hit your mind, easing you slightly.
“Yoongi was at the fight?” Hobi recalled the wild night that the three of you had been at Death Valley. It was the first time he ever saw the man giving him orders. The man was tall, broad, had dark hair and wore dark clothes, face covered in a mask. Could it have been...Yoongi?
“Y/n!” The two of you turned to see Jungkook approaching the bar. He had changed his hair, the blue swapped for a short black cut, and you couldn’t help but double take at his new eyebrow piercing.
You downed another shot, glancing at Hobi who had raised his eyebrows seeing the drug dealer. Jungkook gave you a light hug, waving timidly to Hobi. You smirked, another shot down the hatch. “Easyyyy Y/n” He placed a hand on your back as he slid into the seat next to you.
“The fuck are you doing here?” Hobi sneered. Jungkook rolled his eyes, used to the condescending treatment of gang members. "Didn’t you get stabbed or something?”
“I did!” Jungkook grinned, “In fact, that’s exactly why I’m here. I think I figured out who Mr. Bossman is, and I wanna fucking kill him”
Hobi rolled his eyes, “Oh really”
“Kim Seok-motherfucking-Jin baby. He stabbed me. He’s the one who showed up and threatened me to move out of Y/n’s apartment, so he’s probably also the one who called for the kidnapping. And he might have called for Jimin’s accident. It makes so much fucking sense”
Jin did what? There was not enough alcohol in your veins to act like you didn’t fully understand what he had just said. Jin had Jungkook move out? It wasn’t impossible. And that’s what scared you. You blinked at Jungkook incredulously, “But he’s literally a police officer”
Jungkook’s grin widened, “Exactly! It’s fucking brilliant. He’s a cop, he fights for the other side. He wins no matter what and can never get caught. No one would ever suspect him. Winning despite being threatened? Who threatened him huh? It’s a fucking ploy. You’re not dead and neither is he I bet. Kingpin. Boom”
You felt sick, knowing that Yoongi was not the only person you needed to be worried about. It was almost funny how blatantly misinformed Jungkook was. “Wow you guys are idiots.” You muttered under your breath, taking another shot before coughing roughly. Should I tell them? Why did Jin lie? Is this even the truth? Jin always tried to pin things on Jungkook, but you defended him. Hearing his words now made your head spin. He’s lying. Jungkook is lying. You wanted to scream, frustration flooding through your veins as you clenched your fists.
“I’m gonna tell Jimin and Taehyung what I know. They will give me so much money dude.” Jungkook chuckled, “And then they’d kill him, oh God finally”
Hobi pursed his lips, mouth feeling dry as he reflected on Jin’s eerie words before he shot him in the leg. He didn’t know where Jin was anymore, handing him off to be taken somewhere. It didn’t make sense. His orders were to seize Jin if Jin won the fight. Why place an order like that all? Why do any of this?
“Y/n, come with me.” Jungkook tugged at the sleeve of the oversized Nirvana shirt you had thrown on after your shower session with Hobi. You giggled, the thought of Taehyung coming into your slowed thoughts like a hurricane, tearing up any understanding you thought you had of the situation. There was only one thing you believed. Only one thing you knew with full certainty and it was all you could hold onto.
“Oh my goodness it’s Yoongi. It’s Yoongi. It’s always been Yoongi” The words spilled from your lips like the tequila that dripped down the side of your lips as you took yet another shot, giggling like a ditz. Jungkook and Hobi exchanged confused looks with each other, only making you laugh more. “I would fucking know okay!” Your laughs grew loud, “I was locked up in his fucking apartment and where the hell were all of you huh? Dumb fucking idiots!” You buckled over, laughing into Jungkook’s chest.
“Jungkook” Hobi sighed, “I gotta get back to work. Can you get her sober please?” Jungkook nodded. He held your waist tightly helping you stand, walking with you carefully to the hotel elevator.
The laughter wouldn’t stop. Passerbys shot the two of you dirty looks as Jungkook pulled you into the elevator easily. Through it’s glass walls you could see the midday skyline, where outside people hustled through life as if everything were normal. Must be fucking nice. “Y/n” Your laughs began to choke in your throat, turning instead to the sobs you tried to suppress with whatever will you had left.
Jungkook placed his soft lips on your shoulder. Hands sliding onto your waist as he peered at you curiously, “Y/n, is everything okay?”
You shook your head, the elevator door closed as tears began forming in your eyes. Your voice croaked, “I’m dead. He’s gonna kill me. T..taehyung is gonna kill me. I...I know he will. He’s everywhere. Everywhere.” You looked around frantically, suddenly feeling hyperaware of the security cameras littered throughout the public space. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone...I” You hiccuped. Jungkook pulled you into a tight hug.
“It’s okay ssh” He stroked his thumbs them across your cheeks, cupping your face affectionately. “I’m here aren’t I?” You sniffled, nodding lightly. “I got you okay. No one is gonna hurt you”
You stared into his kind brown eyes. You did not trust him, your entire body was screaming at you not to trust him. His fingers danced down your figure, freely gliding over your heaving chest, desperately trying to breathe with the fear that choked you from within.
You blinked at him, eyes glancing down at his pouty lips before finding his eyes again. “Y/n” Jungkook whispered, barely inches from your lips. “I won’t let anyone hurt you okay. I promise”
Fat tears rolled down your face at his words. Jungkook clicked his tongue, cooing at you as he continued to wipe away your hears. “Oh you poor thing” He held you to his chest, kissing the top of your head, before tilting your face up to his.
He leaned in, eyes fluttering shut as his lips landed on yours, swallowing you into him. The taste of tequila was evident on your lips as he kissed you softly, and you allowed yourself to surrender to his warm touch.
You felt heat pooling in your chest as his fingers trailed up your legs. He traced circles into the inside of your thighs, letting his fingers tease the edge of your shorts.
“Jungkook” You inhaled sharply, his hot breath tickling your neck as you tilted your head back. He licked his lips before sloppily latching onto your collarbone, sucking down to litter your skin with wet kisses as his fingers slid down your shorts, just barely so that he could roll his hips into you.
He pushed you back against the glass, fingers trailing across your bare thighs before sliding beneath your panties. Jungkook ran a finger over your clothed folds, making you clench down.
“Y/n” His voice sounded equally as desperate as yours, barely audible over the sound of his heavy breathing. “Fuck I missed you” You gasped as his fingers slid under the fabric. He pushed a finger in, allowing your tight cunt to accustom to it before adding another finger not long after.
His other hand slid beneath your shirt, pushing your bra up so he could run his thumb over your nipples, his touch featherlight, leaving you breathless. You rolled your eyes back in pleasure, bucking your hips up as he slowly pumped you with his fingers.
“That’s it baby, just like that” He whispered, lips pressing into your neck. You let out a shaky moan as his fingers quickened, pumping in and out of you as you latched onto his shoulders. “Look at me. Look right at me baby”
He brought his lips over yours, just brushing them across your skin so he could gaze deep into your eyes as you fucked yourself onto his fingers. You cried out his name as the friction began to overwhelm you. His fingers easing you right where you needed them, pleasure searing through you as he watched your every move.
"So good for me” He pulled his fingers out, doused in your sticky arousal before he placed them into his own mouth. Your eyes widen as he licked of every last bit of you and smiles. “You taste so fucking good baby”
He kisses you again, harsher this time as his hips roll against you. Your fingers grip his hair as he pulls down his sweats, allowing his cock to spring out.
“You want my cock?” He ran his tongue over your lips, tugging at them slightly as he stroked his cock. You could feel his hand moving between your legs. “You want my big cock in your little pussy?”
You gulped, nodding as Jungkook looked down, lining his tip against your folds, pushing in only slightly before meeting your eyes again. “So warm and wet for me, fuck” He pushed in further, groaning as you spread your thighs wider, allowing him to thrust as deep as he could. He stilled briefly, kissing you again “You take me so well baby fuck. So fucking tight for me. My pretty baby” He stroked your face, thumb pushing into your mouth slightly.
“Does it feel good?” He mumbled, pulling out just slightly before rolling his hips back into you. He picked up a rhythm, fucking you deep and slow, hands clawing at your breasts.
“Yeah...feels really good” Your eyes fell shut, enjoying the fulfilling pleasure of his movements. He pulled your shirt up, burying his face between your breasts as he continued to fuck up into you.
“Mmm yeah I bet” He pushed your bra up, allowing his fingers to pinch you nipples. He took one into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around the small bud as he began to suckle you, looking up to your face and enjoying your reactions. “You’re so fucking pretty you know that right?” He sucked on your breast harshly before leaving it with a soft kiss and moving onto the other. “So perfect for me”
His thrusts quickened, driving you up the wall as his hands fell to your hips. You burying your face in the crook of his neck as you felt your high approaching. “Jungkook...I’m...”
“Yeah?” Jungkook’s voice was raspy with lust, “You wanna cum baby? Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock, wanna hear you make those pretty little moans when you cum”
You cried out with every thrust as he pushed you over the edge, and you felt your pussy burst with pleasure as you came, the sloppy sounds of your arousal echoing through the small space. Jungkook groaned as the hot liquid covered his cock, allowing him to slide in and out of you with ease.
“There you go. Good girl. Good fucking girl, just like that” He gasped, feeling his cock twitch slightly, buried deep in your cunt, “Want me to cum inside you baby?” You nodded, whining slightly, “Yeah? You want it baby? Huh?” Jungkook’s hips thrust furiously at you, and he cupped your face, bringing his forehead against yours so he could look into your eyes as he came. “Want my cum? Want me to fill you up baby?”
“Yeah. I want it. Jungkook please,” Your whiny voice was enough to have him spurting through you.
“Holy fuck” Jungkook buckled over, holding you tight as cum shot out of him, filling you up and leaking out onto the floor.
He pulled out of you quickly, pulling up his sweats while you fixed your own clothes. Sweat painted his forehead as he looked at you, panting with a big smile on his cute face.
“I missed that” He confessed, pulling you back into him by the waist. He knelt down and pressed his lips on yours, letting his hands slide to your ass and squeeze them softly.
You heard a familiar ring as the elevator door reached it’s destination. You jumped away from Jungkook, unable to get far as the strong boy’s hold on you remained steady.
"I see stabbing you once didn’t really drive home the message huh Mr. Jeon Jungkook”
You felt goosebumps spread as you heard the sinister tone of Jin’s voice. He stood leaning against the elevator as if he had been waiting for you, twirling his knife around aimlessly between his fingers. “Too bad, I unfortunately can’t kill you yet” He turned to you and winked, “Both of you come with me”
-
Sweat trickled down from Namjoon’s neck, his eyes glued to the tattered punching bag in front of him. His muscles were still sore, bruises still spattered across his bare chest. He didn’t care. He was sick of feeling helpless. Under the dim lights of the boxing gym, he pushed himself, another hit, more force, ignoring the pain shooting through his limbs with every strike.
“Don’t overdo it” Namjoon rolled his eyes at the sound of the familiar voice. “Last thing you want is to get injured again” He turned to the sound of loafers echoing across the concrete floor.
“What do you want Yoongi?” Namjoon sneered. The producer smirked slightly, patting the punching bag playfully before pacing around Namjoon.
“I’m gonna kill Taehyung, and I know Jimin is gonna break hell. I need you to protect Y/n for me. Can I trust you, Namjoon?” His voice was stern.
“Man, fuck you Yoongi” Namjoon groaned, “I put my life on the line for you constantly and you still have to fucking ask? Promise me. I want out after this. Promise me a record deal”
Yoongi shrugged, “Okay fine. I’ll sign you. Don’t let her out of your sight.” Yoongi inhaled sharply, “And I swear to God Namjoon if you even think about touching her, you’re dead to me. And I will know if you do.”
Namjoon rolled his eyes, lips parted, desperately trying to catch his breath. “Yeah okay. Just get me my fucking record deal”
Yoongi pursed his lips, pulling out his phone and handing it to Namjoon. “Paperwork is ready. You have one job. Don’t fuck up again” Namjoon clenched his fist as Yoongi chuckled in amusement. “I have some business I need to deal with personally. Keep her safe Namjoon, please”
-
You gagged, a puke-ish feeling clogging your throat as you coughed out. Your head was throbbing with pain as you squinted against the gleaming lights from the chandelier above your head. Glancing around, you realized you were back at Jungkook’s place, large dark wooden floors adding to the ambiance that just screamed rich in your face. The plushness of his large bed evident beneath you.
You get up slightly, peering across the room where you see Jin handing a large duffel bag to Jungkook, whispering something into his ear. Jungkook nods eagerly, shaking Jin’s hand before exiting. He turns back to you, smiling as he realizes you are awake.
“Hey party girl. Recovered from our little day drinking session have we?” Jin chuckled. You scowl, searching around you as your throat desperately demanded water. Jin handed you a glass. “I just got Jungkook caught up, but you and I need to have a little talk”
You exhaled before emptying the entire glass down your throat. “I know everything” You scoffed in spite, “I know everything you did, you fucking maniac”
Jin smiled wide at the term, “I know. Jungkook told me you think I was behind all of the stuff that’s been going on, stabbing him and kidnapping you. I mean,” Jin laughed, a tinge of condescendence in his voice, “You don’t actually believe that do you? Like, seriously how dumb are these guys. At least you’re smart”
You frowned at his tone, unsure of how to respond. Jin raised his eyebrows at your silence before continuing, “Oh come on Y/n. Use that little brain of yours hm? What the hell would I be gaining from all this? It was Taehyung.”
He extended you a hand, helping you out of the bed and pulling you up to stand before him, “What did he tell you huh? That he’s Yoongi’s friend or some shit? Taehyung doesn’t give a fuck about Yoongi. And I know you know about him screwing over Jimin. He’s trying to take over both gangs, not just Jimin’s, and he’s been lying to you this whole time.”
The bargaining chip. “What do you mean?” You followed the flat echoes of his footsteps down the hallway into the same office that you had Jimin tied up only a few days ago. You suppressed a smile as you noticed the curtains were still torn.
“He’s distracting Jimin and Yoongi with you. He wants them to get up against each other so that he can sway the gang loyalties towards him by showing that their leaders priorities are off. Look here” Jin motioned towards a laptop on the large desk, playing security footage of what appeared to be Death Valley’s parking lot, where people were loading bags of cash into what could have been Taehyung’s car. “He’s robbing them. And you know what else Y/n? When he’s done with all of this, he’s gonna kill them both.”
No. No way. Betrayal stung you as you process Jin’s words, “You’re just a pawn in his game. You were bait. He just needed to you get Jimin and Yoongi to fight amongst each other. And you let him, didn’t you?” Jin chuckled, patting your cheek. “I know he kept telling you that you could trust him. That he wouldn’t hurt you. It was bullshit Y/n. This man only cares about one thing. Himself”
You thought back to the first night you laid your eyes on him, back when his hair was a faded green, his sweaty tan skin contrasting his dark leather jacket. The look of familiarity in his eyes and the gleam from his diamond studded watch. You were a fool. He strung you along.
“Where is he?” You growled, “I wanna hear it from him. I wanna ask him myself”
“Absolutely. In fact, if you’re up for it, I was wondering if you would be down to do another little mission for me” Jin winked at you. You scowled, folding your arms over your chest, “If we don’t kill him first, he’s planning on killing Yoongi tonight before the party. I know because I got him to let me in on his little coup” Your heart dropped, “You don’t want that do you?”
"No” You blurted.
“So let’s kill him first. Come on, let’s go get you dolled up for this party”
As you left the office, you couldn’t help but notice a familiar figure standing at the other end of the hallway.
Namjoon? Your eyes locked with his. He pressed a finger to his lips before pointing at Jin and shaking his head. What is he trying to say. Namjoon seemed to have a warning look in his eyes. You simply shrugged at him, before running down the hall to catch up with Jin.
Namjoon exhaled, watching from a window as Jin and you drove off, likely heading to the hotel. Looking at his palm he saw the way his nails left imprints in his skin from how hard he was clenching his fists. Namjoon wasn’t necessarily a fan of Taehyung, but he knew a thing or two about him from Yoongi. Taehyung would never kill people. He was averse to it for some reason, Namjoon always thought it was ironic for him to be a gangster given that quality. Taehyung could torture anyone, threaten anyone, but he didn’t have it in him to take a life.
Which meant that Jin was lying to you. Namjoon never liked Jin. Even aside from all the hits he had taken from the strong man, he always felt something was off about the guy. He feels uneasy about what he had just seen transpire, and decided to go find Yoongi.
-
“Do you want some coke?” You were in the middle of washing your face when Jin walked in with a bag of powder. “I could use a hit, I don’t know about you”
“Oh hell yes. Thank you” He poured out a line on the bathroom counter using a quarter, watching with a small chuckle as you inhaled the drug, nose pressed against the cool marble. You sighed, wiping your nose and flashing a big grin in the mirror “Damn. I needed that. I didn’t know that you use”
Jin bit back a smirk, “I do.” He poured another line on the same place, this time taking a hit himself. “A lot”
“Oh. Officer Jin is a druggie like the rest of us huh” You teased. Jin poured himself a gin martini, taking a sip, eyes alight with amusement. “Does that turn you on ever? Do you ever have a hottie cuffed up and they’re like please Officer does that..you know..turn you on?”
Jin’s eyes widened at you “Not any hottie, no. Now if I had you cuffed up saying that” He chuckled, pulling you to him by the waist “That’s a whole other story” You pushed him away playfully.
“What?” Jin said mockingly, “Don’t remember that night where I gave you the best orgasm of your life?” His traced his lips up your jaw, and you could feel his smile against you.
“Wow. Cocky are we?” You raised your eyebrows. “I’ve had some pretty good sex in my life. Hard to say if that was the best”
Suddenly, Jin pulled his knife from his back pocket, glancing in the mirror as he traced the blade across your neck just enough for you to feel the sharp cold metal glide on your skin, pinching without actually making you bleed. “Don’t even lie. You loved fucking me. Don’t you remember? How fucking wet you were?” His breath was hot against your lips, but it was the look in his eyes that had you weak in the knees.
Taking his knife, he slit clean down your shirt, tearing it off of you to reveal your bare chest. “On the floor slut” His whispered, flirty demeanor now shifted into something dark. Something feral.
You gulped, taking care to slide your bottoms off, not wanting him to slice them up before lowering yourself down onto the tiled bathroom floor.
Jin set the knife aside, pulling out his lighter and setting in on the counter before shedding his own clothes, even he kicking off his shoes. He lifted his foot, and you watched with a curious gaze as he placed his foot on your chest. He kept the weight off of you, much to your relief, and you couldn’t help but feel absolutely filthy as he rolled your breasts under the sole of his foot. You had never done anything like this. It seemed so dirty, but felt so good.
“Oh my god Jin” You gasped as he switched onto his other leg, taking his foot and shoving it into your mouth, watching in amusement as you gagged over his toes.
“Look at you. On the fucking floor. Naked little whore. Letting me do whatever I fucking want.” He removed his foot from your mouth, letting you catch your breath before you looked up at him with quivering eyes.
He felt blood rush to his cock at your expression. Licking his lips, knelt down, climbing over you to gently trail his fingers where his foot had been moments ago.
“And you love it” He sneered, letting his nails dig into your breast, “You love the pain don’t you you fucking slut?” When you didn’t answer he grabbed your jaw, pushing his fingers into the edge of your mouth. “I asked you a fucking question”
“Y...yes” You exhaled. You felt his fingers tease your clit, teeth tugging on your lobe as he laughed darkly.
Jin reached for the martini glass “Turn over” He growled. You found yourself with your breasts pressed flat against the floor, Jin’s cock pressing into your ass. You gasped as he poured the drink onto your back. “This is gonna burn. And you’re gonna take it like a good girl. I know you are, you let Yoongi do it so I can too”
“Wait what” Jin pressed your face down with one hand while the other grabbed his lighter, “Jin. Hold on.” Your voice rose in fear, which only turned Jin on more. He watched as you writhed under him, trying desperately to get away. “Jin seriously. That’s not funny”
“Shhh. You can take it” He cooed, flicking the flame on he slowly lowered it to your skin, bringing it nearer and nearer to the doused skin. You yelped as you began to feel the concentrated heat. Your entire body was petrified. “Enjoy it baby. You like it. You love it. You let Yoongi do it so why can’t I?”
“Jin. It’s not you, I'm just not ready for something like this please” Jin cocked his head aside in irritation, stopping the lighter before it actually touched you and tossing it aside. “I didn’t let Yoongi brand me he just did.”
Jin stilled momentarily. “And you still love him? Even though he did that?”
You didn’t answer. That alone was enough for Jin to rage. He slammed your face back down, the blow giving you a dizzying sensation that hat you getting wetter by the second.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He growled, “How can you love someone like that?” He pulled your face up, bending you back until you were flush against his chest. “I don’t want any of them touching you again. You understand me?” He let go, giving you whiplash as you fell back to the floor. “Ass up. Now” He spanked your ass hard, causing you to yelp. The stinging pain vibrated to your core. You couldn’t help but love every second of it.
Jin knew that you were scared of him, he could feel it. He could also see the way your thighs would clench whenever he did anything to you. You were his favorite drug. He was going to ruin you.
He grabbed his belt from the pile of clothes on the side, “Hands under” He demanded, rolling his lip through his teeth as you obeyed him right away. He took the belt tying your wrists to your knees under you.
He took a moment to admire his work, your shivering body all his for the taking. You had no where to run. He had you now. “Who gives it to you the best him?” Pulling you towards him by your thighs, he didn’t care that your knees would burn against the smooth tile as he lined his cock up with your folds. He spat down, a glob of saliva landing on your ass before he used his cock head to rub it all over you. He could hear your shaky breath, your whiny moans that made him want to fuck you even more.
He slapped his palm onto the curve of your ass, bending over your to growl into your ear “Filthy whore. You disgust me. You let them all just do whatever they want to you, don’t you have any fucking self respect?” He could see his words were hitting close to home. You pursed your trembling lips as Jin smacked you again in the same place.
“When will you fucking learn huh? This pussy” He reached his hand to harshly cup your cunt, shoving two fingers inside you without warning. “This pussy belongs to me. You’re mine. My cockslut whore” Taking his fingers out, he shoved them into your mouth “You taste that? That how desperate your needy little cunt is for me”
Your legs were strung together, making it all the more painful when he finally began to push his cock inside you, using his fingers to scissor you open so that he could get deep inside you. His length pushed against your tight walls, your cries and curses only motivating Jin to push further.
“Who owns this cunt huh?” Jin pulled your hips back, burning your knees each time as he pulled you on and off his cock. Your ass slammed into him with each blow.
“You do. Holy fuck, you do” You gasped, practically screaming as your whole body ached with pain and pleasure.
“That’s right baby” He pinched your clit, making you yelp as he flicked at it, pounding into your relentlessly.
“J..Jin” You mumbled, lips still half pressed on the floor, “Jin please. Feels good” Jin scoffed, “Gonna cum...gonna cum” You inhaled loudly as you felt your high approaching. Your eyes clenched shut as he edged you closer and closer, fingers furiously attacking your clit until he stopped.
You let out a loud sob as Jin yanked you up by your neck “You really thought I would let you cum whore?” His grip tightened, cock twitching at the way your voice sounded choking, the water streaming from your eyes and the drool at the edge of your lips. He kissed you, licking it all up in the process.
“Look in the mirror. Look at how pathetic you are. I want you to remember the only person who’s ever gonna let you feel this good” You looked at your reflection, seeing only your faces and the way Jin’s nails dug into your neck. He pushed you forward so that your chin was on the countertop. You coughed out, watching as he resumed his thrusts, punishing your clit with the jarring movements of his fingers.
You screamed, pleasure crashing over you in a wave of tantalizing heat. You gushed onto his cock, tears falling from your eyes due to how overwhelming the sensation was. Jin continued to whisper filth right into your ears but you could no longer hear anything. Your vision became hazy, not minding the blow when Jin shoved you back onto the floor and pounded you to his own release.
On the other side of the wall, Namjoon leaned his head back and sighed, glancing down to see his cock in his hands, now completely covered in cum.
-
Taehyung chewed on his gum nonchalantly as he paced around the luxurious hotel, checking out all the fun features. The pool deck was nice, the lobby exquisite, and his favorite part, the cafe, smelt delicious.
Yoongi had asked to meet him in his suite. On his way there he ran into you, and you knocked his breath away. He always thought you were beautiful, but tonight you looked elegant. It was such a surprising contrast to your usual getup, but you looked amazing. He was about to tell you just that when he finally registered the hurt look in your eyes.
“You liar” You slapped him with everything you had. Taehyung backed away in surprise. “How could you use me like that? Over and over again. I trusted you. You were really the only one I thought had my back. Without a fucking doubt” You lunged towards him for another hit but Taehyung held your wrist firmly.
“What are you talking about? When did I use you?” Taehyung looked around frantically, “Calm down okay, let’s go somewhere and talk this through.” Your eyes flared in anger.
“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down! You’re gonna kill them!” You screamed. Taehyung squinted, noticing the slight redness in your eyes. He sighed in understanding, pulling you by the wrist into a corridor.
“Y/n. Breathe. Tell me what’s going on” Taehyung attempted to calm you down but you were enraged. “And what the fuck are you on?”
Admittedly, you and Jin had ended up doing many more lines of coke, perhaps even molly, you were no longer sure, but you washed it down with the bottle of gin, finding it unprecedentedly hilarious that Jin liked to drink gin martinis.
“You used me! To fuck with Jimin! And Yoongi! You lied to me! Everything you said was a fucking lie, everything you did, every stupid word that came out of your stupid mouth was a lie! You just want power. You’re selfish, and...and...you’re gonna KILL them” A dramatic gasp left your lips, Taehyung almost laughed, “You’re gonna kill Yoongi. I...I can’t let you do that”
You pulled out your gun, cocking it and pressing it against Taehyung’s chest. He instantly put his hands up. “Y/n. Y/n stop. That’s not true okay you’re not thinking straight. Don’t do something you’ll regret”
Your hands trembled around the gun “You’ll kill them. You’ll kill them both...I can’t let you do that”
“Hold on!”
Too late. You pulled the trigger.
-
Hobi wandered through the parking lot looking for his car. His eyes narrowed on a familiar vehicle, thinking back to when he had loaded the drug money from the last fight.
So. Is that guy Yoongi then? The one I kept seeing? Hobi wandered over to the car. Peering inside the passenger window, his eyes locked on a small item on the floor of the car. He squinted to read it, it appeared to be some sort of credit card.
He stepped back, realizing what the name on the card was. He glanced around before taking the end of his gun and ramming it into the door handle. The door creaked open, allowing Hobi to swipe the card up. He slid it into his pocket, before hurriedly returning to the hotel.
-
Namjoon’s eyes widened as he watched you pull a gun out on Taehyung. He had been thoroughly entertained as you yelled and slapped him, knowing full well that you were high out of your mind.
Namjoon couldn’t understand Jin’s plan at all. He had eavesdropped on everything so far, as per Yoongi’s orders. Why would Jin ask you to kill Taehyung, why wouldn’t he just do it himself? He knew you would hate yourself if you actually killed him.
He had also been thoroughly disappointed at how easily Jungkook had bought into Jin’s agenda as well. The things people do for money. Namjoon sighed, realizing that he was pretty much acting on similar motivations.
You were ready to pull the trigger, and Namjoon was almost certain you wouldn’t do it, until he saw your finger begin to curl. He ran towards the corridor as fast as he could.
“Hold on!” He yelled, but it was too late. Taehyung’s eyes flew shut.
Namjoon blinked, not hearing the familiar gunshot sound. You looked equally confused, glancing down the barrel of your gun. Taehyung let out a shaky sigh of relief, sliding down the wall.
“It...was a blank” You mumbled. Namjoon rushed to your side, pulling you away from Taehyung. “What the...what was I just about to do?” His heart clenched as your lips parted in shock.
“Taehyung are you okay?” Namjoon asked. Taehyung nodded, clearly shaken up but managing to get a hold of himself.
“What the fuck is going on?” He growled, “Who gave her a gun? And who gave her drugs while she had a gun? Fucking hell”
Namjoon stroked your back as you let the gun drop to the floor, the weight of your actions finally hitting you.
“I’m so sorry. Taehyung I...” You looked into his eyes. Those eyes that always left you questioning what was really going on in that pretty head of his.
“Yeah. Jin fucking fed her some interesting stories about how you’re using her. At least I hope they’re just stories” Namjoon peered at him. “I’m Namjoon by the way, we haven’t officially met”
Taehyung shook his hand “Hi Namjoon. I heard you make pretty decent music” He chuckled ironically, “Y/n, I need you to tell me everything Jin said. There’s been some sort of misunderstanding, I promise you I wasn’t taking advantage of you.”
Namjoon made a face, exchanging a glance with you as you nodded slowly. Namjoon was not entirely sure he should believe Taehyung. He supposed it wouldn’t matter, when he knew that Yoongi was planning to kill Taehyung anyways. The more information he had, the better he could at least keep you out of trouble.
P R E S E N T D A Y--
Security escorted you and Jimin out immediately as the media broke into a frenzy trying to figure out what had happened. You had hoped your acting skills had convinced him.
After Taehyung sobered you up slightly, the three of you had sat and schemed. Using everything the three of you knew, you were able to figure out that it really was Jin behind Jimin’s accident, your and Namjoon’s kidnapping, as well as Jungkook’s attempted murder. He was able to do all of this using Hobi’s help, but Hobi seemed not to know that he was receiving orders from Jin.
The question remained how and why.
“I know you’re not going to believe me. So I have proof” Taehyung pulled his phone out, pulling up a recording of Jin tied up somewhere.
All I ask, is that when the dust settles, Y/n is mine. And I get to kill them. My way
You felt queasy seeing his earnest expression through the film. Namjoon’s jaw clenched, recognizing crazy when he saw it, wishing he could have knocked the guy’s brains out beforehand.
“Listen to me. This guy is dangerous. I don’t really understand why he’s doing all of this. He said he wanted to help me, but clearly there’s some other motive here. Otherwise he wouldn’t go behind my back.” Taehyung muttered.
“The only way to know what he wants is to see what he does next” Namjoon pitched in.
You glanced between the two men, feeling weirdly relieved that you finally had some solid answers. Having Namjoon by your side after so long was the best thing you could ask for at the moment, and you clung to him, hands wrapped around his arm tightly. He thought it was cute.
“Let me fake my death. Let’s see what he does.”
The drivers took you and Jimin to the precinct. You looked around for Namjoon but he was nowhere to be seen. Your eyes met Jin’s briefly as he signed some paperwork. He winked at you.
“Can I have the body taken to get an autopsy report please?” You weren’t phased by this. Taehyung had said he had enough contacts to make it truly believable that he had died. Jimin’s face was void of emotion as he watched the stretcher go past with the body on it.
You left the hold on his hand, your blood running cold as the body nears you. It was loosely covered with a white sheet, but the arm hung out limply from the sight.
That watch. That’s his watch.
Jimin pressed his lips to the top of your head, sliding his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him “You okay babe?”
“I...no yeah, I’m just shocked” You stammered. You looked up at him, allowing him to place a loving kiss on your lips.
Jimin felt for you, he really did. He himself was generally an emotional person, it was not something he ever tried to hide. But he always felt like his emotional energy was valuable. He didn’t feel the need to cry. Not for Taehyung.
Jimin stroked your back softly, “It’s scary, I know. I know baby, but don’t worry” He licked his lips, eyes briefly meeting Hobi’s from across the room. Hobi gave him a knowing look.
“Don’t worry. It’ll all be over soon”
ᐊ——[ previous ] series navi | masterlist | [ next ]——ᐅ
a/n: WOOHOOO. the fun is really gonna start now. did you miss yoongi? don’t worry, he’ll be back. drop your theories in my asks! who killed taehyung? what’s jin’s deal?
smut pairs are up for next week! poor oc, she really needs to eat some food. yikes.
see you then & thanks for reading <3 happy juneteenth!
taglist: @imluckybitches @gee-nee @missseoulite @hcneybees @kooookie @queenmasterxx @crustycaitlin @virgo-and-libra @un2-verse @winter-melontea @equivocacies @infernal-alpaca @shrimpmsg @meowmeowyoongles @rjsmochii @liltangerined @littlrmills14-blog @issysor @arandomblackgirl @adoringinsanity @giadalin @jeontier @kaithezaftig @jinssexytoe @nonnis97@minyoongiboongi @happygirl62304 @just-me-and-myselfs @purplepebbles @channiespup @lilacdreams-00 @kianam @thmrdrs @kpoppin-mel @namjooningelsewhere @lolzerss @planetsope @ohmykim @xyahrinx @bangtan-army @you-are-my-wind
#jungkook smut#jungkook x reader smut#taehyung smut#taehyung x reader smut#yandere taehyung#dom!jungkook#yandere seokjin#yandere bts#yandere bts smut#bts smut#bangtan smut#bts smut recs#seokjin smut recs#jin x reader smut#bts mafia au#seokjin x reader smut#yandere!bts x reader#btswriterscollective#btswriters#jungkook smut recs#taehyung smut recs#ot7 x reader#ot7 x reader smut#yandere!bts x reader smut#bts smut central#bts smut net#yandere bts fics#jungkook fic recs#taehyung fic recs#dom!taehyung
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beauty of the dawn
jujutsu kaisen
fushiguro toji x reader
The notion of a loving family was something foreign to Fushiguro Toji. Family, to him, was a bitter word -- full of hate and abhorrence. Abandonment and fear were a commonality in his own childhood. But in you, he finds a warmth he didn’t think he deserved – a home he craved, a love that makes him feel safe; full of gentle touches and soft kisses. But he’s scared. He's broken, and angry, and he knows the threat of his family is always lurking close, snapping at his heels, ready to devour. You bring the notion of family to his doorstep, and he spooks. He panics. He can’t let them find you, he can’t and he has to give up the only feeling of warmth he has ever known to do so.
It haunts him forever – leaving behind the only woman he ever loved, and a child he will never know.
word count: 3.8k.
notes: *inhales* ANGST— lmao but really, I live for it. Toji may be a bad person, but I suck dick, not morals, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bro I fr don’t even know what came over me. This has been like the smallest headcannon for me and somehow it turned into this horribly sad piece, and although Toji is a dick, I also think he is an incredibly complex character that, at the end of it all, was just a desperate father trying to look out for his child. I think he deserves much more than he got, and he kinda gets shat on in this fic lmao I'm so fuCKING SORRY FOR THAT--
warnings: nsfw/18+, angst, hurt no comfort, abandonment, unplanned pregnancy, pregnant reader
“Take me,” he prays, panting secrets that fall from his lips onto your soft skin; promises of pleasure as he breeds you deep. “Take all of me.”
And you do – over, and over, and over again.
Hilting him to the deepest part of yourself, and holding him close, so close, his breath a hot ghost across your face as he leans his forehead against yours. You keep him there until he is finished, taking his seed like it was sacrament. He gives you everything he has to offer, and only when you have slipped into a light slumber does he pull away.
He never strays far, though, and he cannot stay away for long. You are like sweet honey and warm sunsets; the breathing embodiment of a life he was never before privy to – the promise of something better; a miracle. Far from the cold depravity and sharp pain of his own family, in you, he found only warm touches, and words of tender affection. Toji feels so overwhelmed by the amount of love he has for you, that sometimes it’s unbearable. He feels so happy he could die.
He is not an honest man, by any means. He kills for a vocation -- and enjoys it, too. It’s something he’s good at. It’s an easy way to make money, and it helps him pay for his half of the rent on the meagre apartment you share. It also lets him keep the fridge full, make sure you’re always warm, and that you’re never without. He doesn’t really care about himself or what he has to do – so long as you’re happy.
The weight of his body is always heavy between your thighs, his chest solid, thrusts slow and deep, stretching you, making a perfect fit for himself inside you. He likes drawing it out – each time he takes you. He enjoys seeing you beg for release, relishes the way your tears slide down your flushed cheeks, because he likes being the one to kiss them away, knowing he is the only one who ever makes you feel this good. His name sounds so perfect when it falls from your lips at your height of ecstasy, and the way you take him in has him swearing he can see heaven.
You see a side of him that no one else does, but he’s dark, he’s toxic. The amount of sadness in his soul is challenged only by the sheer force of his anger. He's sure that he wasn’t always like this, but... he can’t really remember a time when he wasn’t. Everyone and everything was his enemy. He’s never really told you much about his family, or his past. His childhood had been dark, you assumed, based on the way he flinched around children, and steered clear of any conversational topics that included them or parental figures.
Toji Fushiguro was untouchable to everyone, and only just tangible to you.
He wants to be able to give you everything. He wants to lay his head on your chest in the depths of the night when he’s feeling lost, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat to guide him home. He wants to come home every night, no matter what happens to him throughout the day, and be able to feel the brush of your soft lips; to taste your tongue with his – god – he wants to. But he’s afraid. He’s scared. If he gives you everything... if he shows you who he really is... what happens if you see something you don’t like? Will you pull away from him? Will you cast him out and abandon him – just like his family did? Toji isn’t feeble by any sense of the word, but he thinks that would be the one thing that would break him.
That’s why he’s only let you see glimpses... and only every now and then.
He’s just so miserable when he’s alone. He’s angry at the world, and you’re the only thing that soothes him. The only thing he has ever loved.
You’re staring at yourself in the mirror when he comes home, locked away in the too-small bathroom. You hear the keys turning in the lock; a signal of his arrival, and the door to your apartment opens, bringing with it sounds of paper bags crinkling, keys being tossed into their bowl, and huffing exhales as he struggles to kick his heavy boots off.
“Toji?”
“I’m home!” he calls, his voice a deep timbre in his chest, smooth like rich oak.
You follow it, leaving the safe space of your bathroom to find him, and when you pass the threshold into your small kitchen, he’s lifting bags of fresh groceries onto what little counter space you have. The movement carries with it droplets from an October rain that had caught him by surprise on his walk home, ones that hang from the edges of his black hair and drip down onto his damp black shirt.
“Toji,” you repeat, beaming as you bound into your small kitchen. “I have wonderful news!”
He spares you a glance between unpacking vegetables, dark eyes tracing the curve of your face, hands grasping at packets of food that need to be tossed in the fridge, and cans to be stacked in the shelves.
“Hmm?”
He offers you his face, leaning in close, pausing in his task to receive a small blessing of affection from you — a soft kiss against the scar on his lip that has his eyelashes fluttering closed, and then one more fully against yours – always greedy for any love you bestow, always chasing just one more, just once more, just another, my love, just one more...
He continues with his chore, but only when you giggle at the fluttering of kisses he peppers across your face, your jaw, suckling at your neck, your hands against his chest pushing him gently, urging him to finish his task – but not before you give him another deep kiss, all giddiness and mirth swimming in your gaze. He can’t help the deep chuckle that spills from his lips at seeing you so happy.
“Toji,” you begin, and he’s rummaging in the paper bags, brows furrowed because he could have sworn that he bought three carrots, and not two -- “I’m pregnant!”
He stills.
He can sense your beaming smile, almost feels the warmth of it on his cold skin, and it only makes him shiver.
The seconds tick by without any form of reaction, and the atmosphere grows horribly tense. Toji doesn’t look at you, but he can see from his peripheral vision that your smile slips at the same time that your shoulders round and you make yourself smaller, unconsciously closing off. You’re twisting something in your hands, suddenly nervous, and he has a nauseating feeling that settles in his gut, because he knows exactly what it is that you’re holding.
It’s proof.
“Are you... happy?” you ask, and you hate that you have to. It’s like a punch in the gut, and you’re afraid. This was not the reaction you were expecting at all.
“Are you sure?” he doesn’t know why he asks that.
He isn’t looking at you, and he isn’t moving – he’s not even blinking. You feel your hands becoming sweaty as you clutch the positive pregnancy test, mouth dry. A quickly increasing panic creeps over your skin, gripping you by the throat, and you honestly have no idea how to traverse this kind of response to your news. In the bathroom you only practiced scenarios in relation to a beaming, positive reaction.
Which room should we make into the baby’s room? Our baby can always sleep with us, though, and I know they’re definitely going to prefer you – I'm hopeless with kids... but I hope they look like you, Toji – a perfect combination of everything I love about you!
Do you want to pick names out? I hope it’s a girl... but a boy would be wonderful, too! I know the baby will adore you, no matter what! Do you have any names you like? We can name them after someone you love? If it’s a boy, I want to make his middle name yours...
Why didn’t you think he was going to show apprehension or reluctance? Why were you so idiotic to assume this is something he desired when he’s never given you any signs of wanting to start a family? He’s probably feeling entirely overwhelmed – and no wonder – you have no tact about this. Fuck, you’re stupid. You fucking idiot. Pathetic, dumb, worthless--
“Y-yes,” you reply, and your voice is a shadow of its former self. “I took three tests. I have one here--”
“How.”
You flinch a little under the curtness of his words.
“W-what—?”
“How did this happen?”
“Uhm...” your voice sounds so frail when you speak, and you can't help it. He’s making you feel like you’ve committed a horrendous sin. You’ve managed to combine the epitome of affection between the two of you into the creation of what will become a child – a perfect mix of the two of you, and yet, you’re beginning to hate yourself for doing so. You didn’t mean to... it was an accident... “We don’t... you know... use protection... and we... have sex... a lot...”
“I thought you were taking the pill.”
You feel like you want to throw up.
His entire body is unnaturally still, and he’s not looked at you once since you’ve told him. You are pretty sure that the can in his right hand is warping under the violent pressure of his grasp, and you wring your hands around the test nervously, the weight of it somehow heavy against your palms.
“I... don’t take the pill...” you remind, and then as an afterthought, you add, “I’m sorry.”
Words you never thought you would say in relation to this. You never though you would have to apologize in this kind of situation. You exhale a shaky breath, and it seems to bring him back to reality. He sets the can down on the countertop with more force than needed, and you try your best to blink back tears as you ask, “You’re... not happy... are you...?”
It’s more of a statement than a question, and it hurts to say – god, it hurts. The words sting when they leave your mouth, like a hard slap against your face, but the ache is not nearly as bad as the way his silence is wounding you. You feel like you’re about to collapse from the amount of pain you have in your heart.
“I need to go somewhere,” is the most he offers you, before he’s turning on his heels and striding past you, leaving the apartment you share.
The noise of the front door slamming shut echoes in your mind long after the sound itself has gone.
He never did come back.
— — — 5 years later — — —
In the end, you were blessed with a baby girl, all chubby with round, rosy cheeks. Dark hair and eyes like her father, but soft and gentle like her mother. She was an almost perfect child. She never cried, and she never fussed, content in just being close to her mother. She listened when you spoke, and learned fast, growing just as quick, and you would die for her. She was your blessing; Akemi – the beauty of a new dawn.
You’re sure that he would have loved her more than life itself, but you try not to spare any thoughts his way anymore.
Toji gambles his life away, blowing through anything he earns as quickly as he makes it, drowning himself night after night in heavy alcohol to dampen his senses until they are nothing more than a faint hum in the back of his brain.
With any luck, those things will kill him long before the guilt does.
He fucks faceless women, drunk beyond sense, and when he finishes, he leaves before they sleep.
“Hate me, (y/n),” he sneers, turning sharply to vomit up onto the wet asphalt, breath a shaky exhale as he stumbles into the cold night, thoughts only on you – only ever on you – unaware that he’s crying. “Hate me. I fucking deserve it.”
His face is smeared with bile and tears, and he is so fucking angry -- so desperately sad, and he cries, and cries. He wants to go home. He just wants to go home. He wants to meet her – his darling daughter – he wants to hold her, and kiss her forehead, and tuck her into bed. Fuck everything that he thought – he would have been a great father, he knows it – and you knew it, too. He’s so lost without you, and he wants to lay his head on your chest in the safety of your bedroom, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat to guide him home. He wants to feel the brush of your soft lips again; to taste your tongue with his, moan your name into your parted sigh, make you feel him again.
He screams, but it catches in his throat before he can, and he splits his knuckles open when he sends a furious punch against a brick wall.
He can protect you from a lot of things – but not the power of his family. Not that. He’s just one man, and they’re so many. He has a heavenly restriction, and they are all blessed with both innate and inherited techniques, passed down through eons. He knows what they’ll do if they ever found out about you – about the child, and Toji swears on everything he has, that he won’t let them touch you – or her. Even if he won’t be able to. Even if he’ll never be able to hold his daughter, to thank her for being born, to cradle her against his chest and feel her wrap her small fingers against his – he won’t let the Zen’in have her. He won’t.
But that doesn’t mean that he deprives himself from watching over her – or you. Eyes follow the two of you home from her pre-school, singing nursery rhymes to your hearts content, watching as she orders “up, up, mommy!”, squealing happily when you lift her onto your shoulders. He imagines himself in your place; lifting her to higher heights, hearing her giggle a chorus of happy songs as your hand finds his, lips on his scar as you tell him how much you love him.
But he always keeps his distance, dark baseball cap shielding his features, and leaves before you feel someone following you.
It becomes increasingly hard to keep it at that. He starts pushing the boundaries, testing how close he can get. He knows he shouldn’t -- he has no right to – but when she dropped her stuffed toy one time in the supermarket, and you were oblivious to it, he finds himself bending down to grasp the too-soft toy in his calloused hands, dropping it in your basket when your back is turned, and your brows are furrowed as you regard the price difference between her favorite flavor of juice compared to the off-brand ones.
The thrill of being so close, of doing something, anything fatherly, was like a fix – a short relief from the aching despair and loneliness constantly plaguing him, and he finds himself doing it more and more – always pushing, always testing the waters. He even smiled at her once when she caught him staring, and she sent her own toothy grin back at him. His heart soared.
His daughter’s name was Akemi, and he first heard it when it fell from your lips one warm afternoon. He wants to write her name on his heart – right beside yours.
He wants to give her something – a pretty gift, but he doesn’t know what. He was never good at buying presents, and would only ever bring you flowers, since it seemed like something that could never go wrong, and would always bring a bright smile to your face. Flowers would be strange for a child, though. He twists the dainty silver bracelet between his large fingers, thinking bitterly that this was the same way you held the pregnancy test all those years ago. He didn’t really care how much it cost him. He’s sure that the salesman added unnecessary tax and extras to the price just to give himself more commission, but Toji doesn’t care – he just wanted something pretty to give to his daughter.
When he finally sees her enter the park, small hand tugging yours happily, his mind goes empty, and he can’t stop staring. You are as beautiful as ever, and it’s no wonder his daughter is so ethereal when she has you for a mother.
She is perfect, he thinks -- too good for this life -- and even though it’s the worst thing he has ever done, he is reminded that pulling away from you was the only way to save her from his family. It looks like she escaped the curse of inheriting any of his bloodline's techniques, and what’s more so – it seems like she, too, is oblivious to curses; skipping past them as she chases leaves that skit about the dirt path of the park, her teddy in her arms. Toji dips his head down when she draws near the bench he’s sitting on, the brim of his baseball cap keeps his face hidden, and his sadness known only to himself.
“Excuse me?”
He bristles when her voice floats past his ears, so gentle and sweet.
“Hey, mister,” she pokes his knee with her slim finger, so tiny compared to the size of his body, and he jerks at the contact. “Is this yours?”
She’s holding the bracelet in her small hand, the silver glinting in the morning sun, offering it up to him with large eyes, so close to him. At this distance, he can see the true color of her eyes – exactly like his own – and the small freckles that dot her skin. The longer he stares, the more his chest constricts painfully, tightly – he’s finding it hard to breathe, and he exhales suddenly, sharply snatching it away from her.
The force of the movement causes her to stumble a little, tripping over her feet, and before she knows it, the man who was once sitting before her has entirely caught her in his large arms, scooping her up before the ground has a chance to harm her.
She blinks once... twice... swaddled in his arms, sitting against his broad chest, and Toji frantically looks for you, finding you caught up in talking to another mother, too busy to notice. He knows he would scold you for it if he was still in your life, but when his daughter laughs, he snaps his head back to look at her, forgetting what thoughts he had in his mind at the glinting sound of her happiness.
“Whoa!” she exclaims, “You’re fast! Thanks for catching me!”
He doesn’t know what to say – if he should say anything at all. His plan was to give her the bracelet, telling her that it was a late birthday gift from someone that loves her very much, and walking off before she (or you) has the chance to catch on or respond. But now that he’s inches away from her, holding her close as she peers up at him, he’s lost again. He’s lost, and he can’t breathe. He needs you to steady him, but you aren’t here, and he doesn’t know what to do, what should he do, what should he--?
“Where did you get that scar from?” she asks innocently, her large eyes suddenly trained on the mark beside his lips.
“F-from an accident,” he mumbles, “a long time ago.”
“Oh,” she hums, hands splayed against his broad chest, looking around her, swaying her legs absentmindedly. “Wow, you’re really tall! I can see everything from up here!” she exclaims happily, “My mommy’s not as tall as this, so when I sit on her shoulders, I can’t see nearly as much as I can now!”
“Oh,” he mutters, not really knowing what to say, “is that so?”
“Mhm,” she nods, “Mommy’s not as big as you are either.”
At this, he gives a genuine laugh – a sound he hasn’t heard fall from his lips in a long, long time, looking at her with quiet adoration.
“She’s not as fast as you either,” she continues, “you were super-fast!”
“She’s strong in her own ways, though,” he mutters, offering her a soft smile.
“Do you know my mommy?”
He bristles, actively avoiding her gaze. His heart is racing from this much interaction with his daughter, and he’s sure she can feel it under her small palm. It beats for her – if only she knew, and Toji contemplates, for the briefest of seconds, just telling her. The thought leaves his mind as soon as it enters. He doesn’t have that choice, and he doesn’t deserve it.
“Not really,” he mutters, dipping down slowly to set her footing on solid ground once more.
“She’s really pretty,” the little girl continues, playing with the soft fabric of his t-shirt in a small moment of fondness and familiarity, “and nice – and she makes great food!”
Toji realises only after the fact that his hand had settled on top of her head, and he’s stroking her hair softly, thumb caressing her cheek when he moves to cup her face. She doesn’t seem to mind at all, and Toji is overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions. Pride in you for doing all this by yourself and raising such a wonderful child, shame for abandoning you and his daughter, mirth, anger, warmth, sadness, love--
“Akemi!” you call, seeing her lift her head at the sound of your voice. “This way, honey!”
“Oh, I have to go now! My mommy is calling me!” she perks up, gripping her teddy a little tighter and offering the man a smile. “Bye-bye!”
“W-wait!” he calls, thrusting the gift into her small hands. “This is for you, uh... f-from me...”
She looks down at it, before her whole face lights up, and Toji is suddenly breathless – she looks so much like you when she’s surprised, happiness blossoming over her face the same way it would on yours.
Toji feels a deep-rooted emptiness inside his body when he watches his daughter retreat away from him; a living embodiment of all his failures to you, and yet, as he sees her long, black hair whip out behind her, he realizes something else — she was your promise delivered; a combination of everything good between the two of you, in itself a miracle. He might not be in her life, but he was also partly responsible for creating something so beautiful, so ethereal.
He knows he doesn’t deserve it, but if he was ever fortunate enough to be granted a second, it would be a miracle; a holy gift.
A blessing that would accompany the beauty of dawn.
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