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anna-justice · 4 years ago

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Superman - Upstead

Summary: Jay and Hailey are a part of an officer involved shooting, the aftermath puts Hailey in a very dangerous situation, causing her and Jay’s lives to be at risk. (Pre-Established Upstead)

Warnings: violence, mentions of blood & gore, swearing, angst, over-protective Jay

Requested: Yes! #71, “Get away from him/her!” & #74, “He’s/She’s not yours.”

…

“5021 George, we are in pursuit of the offender on foot. The offender is armed, all units advised. Send back up to the corner of Garden and North Malcom.” Jay said into his radio as he and Hailey raced down an alleyway. They were in a nicer part of town, the streets were more open and Jay could see an open field at the end. “Hailey, I’m gonna cut him off.” Jay called out to his partner, before darting out of the opening. He beat them to the end, taking off as the offender exited the alleyway.

Jay sprinted towards the large man, tackling him to the ground. He knew he had a gun, but it was his only choice. They rolled across the grass, Jay immediately trying to get the upper hand. Hailey caught up, drawing her weapon. “Chicago P.D. Stand down!” She shouted from yards away.

The offender was restless, flipping them so that Jay was pinned underneath. Jay kicked him in the groin and knocked the gun out of his hand. Neither of the men had noticed Hailey’s presence, and when Jay reached behind him to grab the gun, the man punched square in the jaw, disorienting him. The man smiled, standing and grabbing his gun, pointing it at Jay.

There was a loud pop, followed by a thud. Jay sat up immediately, seeing his partner with her gun raised. “You good?” She called out, racing towards him.

“Yeah.” Jay said, jumping up and kicking the gun away. He wiped the blood from his nose as he checked the guys pulse, he was gone.

Hailey sighed as she reached her partner, “That was stupid.” She said sternly.

Jay nodded, “Yeah, I know.” He looked her in the eye, holding their gaze, almost like a silent apology for scaring her like that. They were interrupted by the sounds of sirens. Patrol had made it to the scene. Pretty soon the field was flooded with officers and crime techs.

“What happened?” Voight asked, finally arriving on scene.

Hailey shrugged, “He ran as soon as we knocked on the door, Jay tackled him, he had a gun. It was us or him.” She explained. Jay nodded, backing her up.

Voight gave them a short nod, “Well, I guess that’s justice. Let’s head back, we’re back to square one.” The two nodded, bidding him goodbye and walking back to their rig.

They had been working the case a few days, it was a quadruple rape and homicide. The offender they were chasing was Jason Forbes, they knew he was one of them abusers because his DNA was found on all four victims, but now they were looking for his partner.

Jay jumped in the driver's seat of the truck, Hailey following suit on the other side. “Thanks,” He said, once they were settled. “For earlier…”

“Yeah, Of course.” Hailey said, smiling at him. “You're my partner, I’ve always got your back.”

…

It was a long day full of almost no leads, it was like the trail died with Jason. There wasn’t even anything to chase down. All they had was everything they knew above Jason, and no one he knew met any of the criteria they were looking for. No one looked good.

Eventually, Voight told them to all go home and get some rest. Hailey suggested getting a drink, Jay didn’t do well cases involving children, especially rape cases. Plus, she knew he was beating himself up over his attempted arrest earlier. They agreed to meet at the pub a few blocks away from Hailey’s apartment. It had become their own personal Molly’s.

They sat at a high table near the back, the only thing it was near was the old fashioned jukebox, that they were both sure didn’t work. “How’s your nose?” Hailey asked, taking a sip of her beer.

Jay chuckled, “Fine, thanks.”

Hailey put her hands up in surrender, “I’m being serious, he hit you pretty hard.” She was trying to hide her genuine concern behind the humor, cause she couldn’t get the image of that man standing over him with a gun out of her head.

“I’m a little sore.” Jay admitted, sighing. “But, I’m fine. Thanks to you.” He smiled softly, making direct eye contact yet again.

Hailey shook her head, averting her gaze. “You’re acting like I took a bullet for you.”

Jay shrugged, “Close enough.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them really knew what to say. There was a cloud looming over the table. It wasn’t lost on Hailey that if she had been just 10 seconds later, Jay might be dead. And Jay knew how close he came to death today, just because he overestimated his own abilities. They came close to losing each other, but wasn’t that the job? It wasn’t a new thing, but it felt different.

About an hour later, they walked out of the bar. Heading towards the parking lot to their separate cars. Jay walked a little behind her, he wasn’t ready to part ways yet, but he didn’t know how else to make her stay with him. “Hailey-” He started, but something caught his eye.

“Yeah?” She asked, turning around.

A car passing on the street slowed slightly, the back seat window rolled down and Jay saw the tip of a long gun. “Hailey, get down!” He shouted, sprinting and tackling her to the ground. Bullet after bullet hit the brick wall behind them as Jay used his entire body to shield her from the fire. When the assault finally stopped, they both waited a few seconds before sitting up. Jay grabbed Hailey’s shoulders, scanning her body. “Are you okay? Are you hit?”

He subconsciously placed a hand on her cheek, running his thumb over the pavement burn just above her jawline. Hailey placed her hand over his, “I-I’m fine. Are you okay? What the hell just happened?” She asked, taking his hand as he helped her stand.

“I-I don’t know. I saw the gun and-” Hailey cut him off by launching herself into his arms, wrapping hers tightly around him. Jay hugged her back immediately, holding her close. She was shaking, Jay combed his fingers through her hair. “Hey, it’s okay. We're okay.” They stood there, wrapped up in each other for a few minutes before a patrol car rolled up.

“We got a call of shots fired?” The guy asked, stepping out of the car.

Jay pulled up the bottom of his shirt, showing the officer his badge. “Yeah, a black SUV rolled by and just started shooting, I couldn’t get plates.”

While Jay talked to patrol, Hailey looked around, finding a set of security cameras. “Hey Jay!” She called out, she got his attention immediately. “We should check with the owner and see if these work.” She said, pointing up at them.

Jay nodded, “You guys call for backup, I’m gonna go talk to the owner and call my sergeant.” He ordered, clicking on Voight’s contact information. It was going to be a long night.

…

“Matthew Zimmerman.” Kim said, taping his picture to the board. “That’s who the car is registered to. Now, there is no obvious connection between him and Jason Forbes other than them being in the same facebook chat room.”

Kevin turns his computer screen so that they can all gather behind it. “We didn’t find it before, because somehow Jason was able to make it unassessable on all his devices. It’s called the Misunderstood Brotherhood, and it is an invitation only, unmarked room. So you can only get in with a code from an invite.”

Kim continued, “We searched through all of the members and there are near 75 in the Chicago area, many of which are registered sex offenders or have previous allegations against them.”

“So, it’s a bragging ground for rapists?” Jay snapped, leaning on Hailey’s desk and crossing his arms.

“Sort of.” Kim said.

“Most of the messages are pretty disturbing, they talk about urges and possible intent, but they are smart. There is nothing specifically incriminating, well, except for this.” Kevin scrolled through the chat, stopping so they could all read the bolded message. “This was posted yesterday afternoon.”

This morning, one of our brothers, Jason forbes, was shot and killed by Hailey Upton. A Detective in the Intelligence Unit out of the 21st district, badge #55055. We will not stand for this and we must avenge his death. The brotherhood will award a $100,000 reward to anyone who can eliminate the officer as a threat. Do us proud.

Hailey gasped, taking a step back. Her back hit her partner’s side, who instinctively wrapped a protective arm around her waist. “Holy shit.” Adam said.

“So last night, that was a hit?” Hailey asked shakily.

Kim nodded, “It looks like it, and we can assume at least 200 other people have seen this message.”

Voight took over from there. “Alright, we need to get Hailey to a safe house. Halstead, you’ll go with her. I’m gonna call the ivory tower, they are gonna want to be in the loop.”

As soon as Voight shut the door to his office, Adam stood. “Maybe I should go with Hailey.”

Jay scoffed, “What?”

“I’m just saying, your head doesn’t really seem in the game.” Adam snapped, Jay’s arm wrapped around Hailey catching his attention.

“Do I need to talk to you?” Jay asked, his jaw clenched.

“Jay-”

Jay took a step forward, “Where the hell do you get off?” Jay asked, seething. “She’s my partner.”

“She’s not yours, Jay.” Adam said, getting in Jay’s face.

Hailey stepped forward, holding her hand up to Adam. “I’m not anyone’s,” She snapped. Jay took it as a chance to step back, the last thing he wanted to do was piss Hailey off. Hailey glared at Adam, shaking her head. She didn’t understand why he was causing such a scene. She turned to Jay, “Let’s get our stuff.” She stormed off to the locker room, Jay hot on her tail. She turned around exasperated when she entered the room, Jay cracked the door behind them. “What the hell was that?” She whisper yelled.

“I’m sorry-”

Hailey cut him off, “I won’t be the prize you two sword fight over. That was incredibly embarrassing, if Voight had been out there, there would be hell to pay.”

Jay slouched in defeat. “I know, I’m sorry. He just makes me so mad sometimes.”

“Jay.” She said, “Do you really think I would have let Adam come with me over you?”

Jay sighed, “No.”

Hailey stuck her arms out at her sides, emphasizing his statement. “Thank you.” She collapsed onto the bench behind her, running a hand through her hair. Jay cautiously walked toward her, sitting down about a foot away and leaning on his hands. Her fast mood changed, scaring him a bit. Hailey sighed, running her hands over her face. “There’s a bounty on my head.”

Jay shifted a little closer to her, letting his hand rest on her back. “We’ll get through it.”

Hailey looked up at him, something about the way he said we made her heart skip a beat. Before she could say anything, the door swung open and revealed Kevin. “Hey, you guys ready to go?”

Hailey jumped up immediately, sniffling. “Yeah, let’s go.”

…

Three unmarked cars and a safety evaluation later, Hailey found herself sitting on a not so comfortable couch. For their own safety, neither of them knew quite where they were. There were alarms on all the windows and doors, so if someone tried to break in the team sitting in the house would immediately be alerted.

Jay was pacing, his hands on his hips. Hailey huffed, “Are you gonna do that all night?” She asked.

“Maybe.” He deadpanned.

Hailey rolled her eyes, “Can you please just come sit down.” She asked.

Jay sighed, admitting defeat and sitting on the other side of the couch. “Better?”

Hailey smiled, “Much.”

They sat in silence for a while, deciding to turn on the TV in front of them, not that there was anything good on. Jay snuck glances at his partner, even though he had been seeing more and more of it lately, it was nice to see her so casual. She had on leggings and a sweatshirt, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Her sock covered feet pulled up on the couch and tucked under her as she watched the screen absently. Jay watched the way the colors danced over her face in the dark room, smiling softly. He swore she got more beautiful everyday.

Hailey looked over at him, blushing slightly when she found his gaze already on her. “What?”

Jay coughed, “Nothing.” He could see the gears in her head turning from across the couch. “What are you thinking about?” He asked.

“Eh, I don’t know,” Hailey shrugged, smiling weakly at him. “That we’re even now.”

Jay chuckled, “Yeah, I guess we are.”

“I-” Hailey started, “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there.” She looked down at her hands, feeling her eyes well up. “I know we put our lives on the line everyday, but…” Jay held his breath, her heart aching for her. “I could’ve died last night. I could have died last night, and you could’ve too, and that would have been my fault.”

“Hailey-”

“No Jay,” She said, looking at him with teary eyes. “You can’t talk yourself out of this one. You put yourself between me and a gunman and I just, I don’t understand.”

Jay shifted, moving a little closer to her. “Hailey. I will never not protect you.”

Hailey sucked in a breath, his gaze hot on her skin. They had never been quiet about trusting each other, they both knew they would follow the other anywhere, that at the end of the day, they would be there for each other. But this, this was new. Not to him, he had always protected her, but for the first time in a while Hailey got a glimpse at how much she really meant to him. “I, uh, It’s getting late.” She rushed out, looking at her hands again. “We should get some sleep.” She stood, glancing back at him.

“Uh, I’ll take the couch, you take the bed.” He busied himself gathering pillows from the other chairs and grabbing the throw blanket off the back, trying not to think about Hailey’s complete dismissal of his previous statement.

“Jay.” She said, and his head snapped up. “Are you really going to make me sleep alone tonight?” It was forward, she would admit. But the thought of sleeping alone in some random house while people were literally racing to kill her, wasn’t so appealing.

He stood, shaking his head. “No.”

Hailey smiled, letting him follow her to the hotel-like bedroom. It was a big enough bed for two people, thankfully. Hailey pulled back the covers and climbed it, she hadn’t slept in over 48 hours and she was feeling it for sure. Jay climbed in cautiously, glad that he had a pair of sweatpants in his overnight bag and he didn’t have to sleep in his jeans. They laid on complete opposite sides of the bed facing each other. “Goodnight Jay.” Hailey said quietly.

“Goodnight Hailey.”

…

Jay woke up in the middle of the night, needing to pee. When he registered where he was, he noticed that he wasn’t alone. Hailey’s back was pressed against his chest and his arm was wrapped around her waist. He smiled to himself, careful not to wake her as he climbed out.

The bathroom light was blinding as he flipped it on, waking him all the way up, he noticed he had creases all over his arms from the blanket. Means it was a good sleep. He thought, grinning. Honestly, he was surprised he was sleeping so well, given the circumstances. He guessed he was more dependent on Hailey than he thought, she really did calm him.

He did his business quickly, itching to get back in bed and enjoy his partners embrace, even if it was for just one night. He was halfway back to the bedroom when he heard a loud crash. He took off running, and when he reached the bedroom, he saw a masked man standing in front of the broken window, staring a Hailey.

The man took a step forward, not noticing Jay’s presence. Hailey woke up confused, screaming for Jay when she saw the man. “Get away from her.” He yelled, charging forward. The man pulled a gun, but Jay kept going.

“Jay!” Hailey screamed again, thinking her partner was crazy.

Jay grabbed the gun, ripping it out of the guy's hand and punching square in the jaw. He tossed it on the bed, “The safety was on.” He said, getting on the top of the guy and flipping him on his stomach. Hailey jumped up and ran to her belt across the room, grabbing a pair of handcuffs and handing them to Jay. Jay cuffed the guy and pulled the mask off, revealing a younger man. Jay stood him up, “Let’s go in the kitchen, we don’t know if there are more coming.”

Hailey nodded, following behind him. She removed the rounds from the gun and placed it on the counter, watching Jay sit the guy down on the floor. A few minutes later there was commotion outside and the pair immediately raised their guns. “Chicago P.D!” Someone yelled and they both sighed, relaxing. The rescue team kicked the door in and was surprised to find the duo alive and well on the other side.

Jay picked the guy up off the ground and handed him over. “He came in through the bedroom window.” The detective nodded, hauling him out of the house.

As part of protocol, Jay and Hailey were both checked out by paramedics. They went over details with the detectives and their team, hopefully giving the information they needed to get ahead of and take down the brotherhood. Eventually they found themselves in the back of another unmarked car, Hailey leaning into Jay’s side, she was physically and emotionally exhausted, way too exhausted to worry about how things might look or come across.

Jay held her close to him, letting his thumb rub over the fabric of her sweatshirt. Hailey yawned, “You really have been playing superman today.” She said groggily.

“Yeah?” Jay asked, smirking.

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at it.” Hailey confessed, leaning further into him. “But don’t quit your day job.”

Jay smiled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Wouldn’t dream of it. I couldn’t leave you stranded like that.”

Hailey smiled contently, “You better not, good partners are hard to find.”

“Yeah they are.” Jay agreed, hugging her closer. Good partners were hard to find.

…

A/N: This got so long, sorry! I really like it though, I haven’t written anything like it. Thank you so much for reading! <3

#jay halstead #hailey upton #upstead #upstead imagines #chicago pd #one chicago #chicago pd imagines

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years ago

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another unsolicited relationship advice post:

okay. i know that there’s probably thousands of relationship advice posts on here. but anyway. to my younger followers, if i have any:

if anyone that you’ve just met declares that you’re “girlfriend material” or “boyfriend material” and that you must simply meet their parents NOW! or some other ridiculously short interval (like a week say), instead of, idek, like a month or two into your relationship, know that that is a possible red flag for trying to push the relationship too fast.

i say this as again, bc on some buzzfeed fb post about supposed “nice guys” i commented about my high school stalker/creeper from 2012/2013. who, when i first met him in 2012 at public school, he insisted that after two days of knowing him that i simply “have to meet my (his) mum and my sisters right now! bc you’re girlfriend material and i LOVE you!”

like woah! dude! i’ve known you for a grand total of two fucking days! i absolutely don’t have to meet your family RIGHT NOW (although if i’d ever been stupid enough to actually date my stalker back then, i would’ve had to meet his mum or one of his 4 sisters/all of them at once; at some point anyway…. bc they would’ve had to drive us to dates etc bc neither of us had our Ps (provisional drivers licence here in aus) yet at the time)). because i’m pretty sure the normal window is about 1-2 months? maybe 3-4 months? why the fuck are you so obsessed with the term “girlfriend material”??? what the actual FUCK does that EVEN mean?? get away from me. bc this isn’t love. it’s something else, that i can’t put my finger on.

compare this to clear braces boy from catholic school, who literally took almost 3 years to ask me out; and to even ask for my number. when he’d finally asked for my number right before one set of the winter holidays at the end of term 2/before the start of term 3 in 2010, i was so oblivious as to why he wanted my number…. when he’d never wanted it/asked for it before.

so when he called me, while i was still on the bus home from school, i was panicking like “OH FUCK THATS WHY HE WANTED MY NUMBER!!! HE WANTS TO ASK ME OUT!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK AM I SO SLOW AND FUCKING DUMB???!!!” he never pressured me to meet his parents (although at 14/15 it was very obvious that that was a standard practice since we couldn’t drive ourselves anywhere lmao). we were basically on equal footing, except for my slowness with cottoning onto him asking me out and why he asked for my number lol.

CBB had never pressured and harassed me about my virginity. he had NEVER harassed me with porn, most especially while at school, unlike mr creeper who LOVED pulling out his porn filled phone and school laptop to show me his overly violent, degrading and aggressive porn. CBB’s flirting method was showing me norwegian black metal bands (or normal metal bands like parkway drive) and making me watch repeats of family guy on his ipod at lunch bc he loved family guy. he never brought up the term “girlfriend material” ever. he treated me like an actual person. and not his own personal fuck doll, that had holes that were conveniently for sticking his useless and clueless ass teenage dick in, again unlike creeper who was hellbent on wanting to act out his favourite violent etc porn on me to let him “take your virginity in a wonderful weekend of sex down the coast and you have to do all things that I LIKE BC THAT’S THAT AND I SAID SO!!!” 🤮🤮. although if i had progressed further than those few weeks with cbb, and my constant *karen from mean girls voice* *fake cough, fake cough* i’m sick *regina george voice* boo, you whore!” act every time i didn’t turn up on date that he’d asked me on…. maybe he could’ve treated me like that. but i’ll never know lol.

so cbb was unlike mr stalker; who was obsessed with my supposed “girlfriend material” status. mr stalker was obsessed with the fact that i had the ability and audacity to basically tell him “no”, by coyly letting him down with “my dad says i can’t date bc it distracts me from school and getting good marks ��😑” (which probably wasn’t true, looking back lmao)….. where he then whined PUBLICLY on facebook about it, with a status like “today sucks”… and then naming and shaming me in the comments when someone asked in the post comments what was wrong like: “*insert my name here* said no! she’s being a bitch!”. that at the time, made me roll my eyes and still does today when i think about it. because bro. i had literally only known you for two fucking days at that point. of course i’m going to say no. what the hell??? two days is nowhere near enough time to know a person well enough (although the conversation we had together on misguided trip to his house one day while we were wagging (skipping class/playing hooky for americans) aboriginal studies told me MORE THAN ENOUGH about his piece of shitness tbh) to “date” them imo.

because to me, the title “girlfriend material” doesn’t mean any fucking thing. but when it comes from a creep like mr stalker; it means “you’ll be my girlfriend forever and have my kids bc you’re such a nice girl and you’ll fix me bc that’s what nice girls like you do; bc you’re SO LOYAL AND NICE!” which i also saw as a MASSIVE RED FLAG back then, because we were literally 16yo kids (he literally told me this when we were on his bed in his bedroom in the aforementioned misguided trip to his house). and i also saw it as a red flag bc…. just because i’m “loyal” and “nice” doesn’t mean that i’ll spend LITERAL Y E A R S trying to “fix you” while you fuck around and never bother to change your behaviour all bc you think it’s “girly” to do just that. it definitely DOES NOT MEAN that i’ll have KIDS with you, what the actual fuck. like i’m a hopeless romantic, to an extent, mr creeper. but not to the extent where i’ll give myself up to someone like you, all because i’m “nice and caring” and it’s apparently what “nice girls do!!!” or whatever else fucked up guilt trip views you’ve got on why girls/women supposedly have to waste their time with and on you.

and also, on another front. CBB never FOLLOWED me home (considering he lived in a suburb 20mins away from mine lmao and we both lived at least 15mins away from the catholic school we attended) despite me telling him REPEATEDLY to “fuck off and walk home your way”….. whereas unfortunately, mr creeper lived just over the other side of my suburb.

so one day mr creeper decided to stalk me home (despite me saying the above “fuck off and walk home your way” comment constantly to him in the 10min walk home). and then when we got to my street and in front of my house he decided to joke that “oh now i know where your house and bedroom are, i’ll come to hide under your bed naked one day!!!! and when you get home (bc i’ll obvs do it when you’re out doing something), you’ll just have to FUCK ME because you’ll be so surprised that im there and ready to fuck you!” as if i’d be so overcome with supposed lust & love for him, after knowing that he’d broken into my room against my will and messed with my shit….. all for some cutesy love prank…. like in, idk, love actually (???) or himym (specifically the “naked man!” episode from season 4) or some other shitty romcom. bc no. you’re overstepping SO MANY fucking boundaries that i’d literally call the police on your stupid fucking stalker ass. what the actual fuck.

finally, cbb never forced me to try to kiss him, unlike mr stalker…. who whenever he got the chance, he’d grab my head and force me to kiss him…. and then gave me back the utterly disgusting & controlling GALL to tell me that i was “kissing wrong” and whinge/bitch that i “wasn’t into it”. and then he’d force me to kiss him again with a “im so sorry does this fix it 🥰🥺???” like NO???!!! forcefully kissing me DOES NOT FUCKING FIX ANYTHING YOU STUPID CUNT! please just get the FUCK away from me. like if you force me into anything, of course i’m not going to enthusiastically enjoy it??? and moreover, don’t you think it’s YOU who is “kissing wrong” (whatever the FUCK that bullshit actually means) and not me???? why do you think GRABBING MY HEAD and FORCING me to kiss you is appropriate in ANY of these situations????

just. to end this. to anyone and everyone, regardless of their gender/sexuality/age etc. NEVER trust anyone who uses the term “girlfriend material”/“boyfriend material”, to describe you, most especially when you’ve JUST MET them.

they’re using it as a means to control you and possibly trap you into an unhealthy (or potentially abusive) relationship like i would’ve had with my stalker/creeper. but most especially, this goes out to my younger followers, if i have any. be aware of this. watch out for the small red flags and run at the earliest time.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #i’ve probably said this before lol #i can’t remember though

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stephenjaymorrisblog · 4 years ago

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Today’s Pig is Tomorrow’s Bacon

Thursday, June 11, 2020

By Stephen Jay Morris

©Scientific Morality

History to some is a boring subject. The way it was presented to me in grade school was all about memorizing dates and peoples’ names you didn’t really care about. It was about the mid term, and then the final exam. Public school curriculum was always a tug of wag between progressive methods and conservative techniques of education.

So, who won the war? Neither ideology won. It became a compromise of mediocrity. Most subjects in school were anemic because of censorship by various groups on the left or right; mostly right wing Christian groups. That is why science classes were so flimsy. You couldn’t teach that the world was billions of years old because it contradicted the bible.

History is not boring! You remember your own name and birth date, don’t you? Well…I am going to lay down some history on you: my own! My history parallels social history. Back then I wasn’t just a spectator of history, but a participant.

In the late 60s, what was happening in the black community was a daily ritual of police brutality. If you were black and walking anywhere, you were stopped, frisked, searched, and asked for identification. Were you to show any disrespect to the cops, you would “accidentally” fall down on your face and cause injuries to your body. It was their word against yours.

Other non-white people suffered the same injustices by the police. And, so did white hippies! Long hair meant you were on dope and you were a “nigger-lover.” I had my share of police harassment. My long hair covered my face, so my white skin privilege was suspended until I got a haircut. “Are you a boy or a girl?” a cop would ask. There was also penis privilege, of which mine was revoked because I had long hair. There used to be heterosexual privilege; mine was canceled until I got…well, you know. If you had long hair, the cops would call you a cock sucking queer. All I had to do was get a haircut and all my problems would be over. However, for those who were Black, it was a constant, day-to-day struggle.

Enter the Black Panther Party. The Panthers were not some ideological or political group. In the beginning, they were a militant Civil Rights group, which ultimately became the vanguard of the New Left revolution. They supported Third World resistance and uprising against Imperialism. They were in support of the Viet Cong and others. Their focus was on police brutality. The Panthers went on street patrols, armed with rifles and law books. When they saw cops harassing someone, they would stand nearby, shouting instructions to the victim on how he should legally respond. They put a halt to police harassment for a couple of years. It was illegal to call a cop a curse word, so the Panthers would call them “pigs.” That word was and is protected by the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights. Once, I used that word to some cops.

In 1970, I was on my way home, walking. I was in the alley that ran adjacent to my house, when some unmarked cop car stopped beside me. Inside, there were two plain-clothes, white cops in dark sunglasses, with sideburns and mustaches. They looked like characters from the sit-com, “Reno 911.” They were dressed in casual clothes, like male models out of a department store ad in the Sunday paper. The driver asked me, “Have you seen a Chicano wearing khaki pants and a yellow shirt, about 6 feet 4, walk by here?” Now, I was a stupid, 16-year-old militant, so in a reflex action, I replied, “I didn’t see shit, pig!” Both of them were clearly exasperated, plus they were wielding giant flashlights that cops commonly used as Billy clubs. They slowly exited their car and approached me. One of them asked softly, “What did you say?” I felt a surge of adrenaline invading my belly; I knew that I was going to get the shit beat out of me! Just then, behind me, I heard my mom open the front door of my house. With great relief, I turned around and said, “Hey, mom!” She didn’t say a word, but she looked concerned. The head pig said to my mom, “Ma’am! Tell your son to watch his mouth!” They both got in their car and sped off in pursuit of their suspect. What was even scarier was that this incident occurred right next to my house on Martel Avenue!

That’s just one of many encounters I had with the cops. This next anecdote took place in my high school history classroom. My history teacher enjoyed holding class discussions of current events. One day, were talking about police brutality and how to stop it. Now, this was 1969 and the network news nightly showed film clips of cops bashing and whacking the hell out of student demonstrators with their batons. By this time, I was in solidarity with the Black Panther Party, who’d proposed having community control of the police department. I said to classroom, “We should abolish the police department!” One girl’s eyes popped out her head and she shrieked, “Are you out of your mind?! Who is going to protect the public from crime?” To this, I replied, “The community peace patrol, I imagine!” Then she had the nerve to recite this bumper sticker text, “Well...if you don’t like the police, next time you are trouble, call a hippie!” It turned out that her dad was a cop. The bell rang and my teacher said, “What Stephen said is a valid point. Good day.” Wow! No teacher had ever validated anything I said!

So here we are. It seems a million years since the Chicago cops assassinated Black Panther Fred Hampton, and it’s been just 15 days since a cop murdered George Floyd. His murder started a wild fire of protests and riots around the world. There are calls now from the Black Lives Matter movement to defund the police. I also heard some anarchists calling for the abolition of the police department. Bam! Some ideas never die.

So, what do I believe now? Since the police are part of the working class, they should be revolutionized toward progressive values. They should take off the uniform and not carry guns. They should be trained in the martial arts. They should be peace officers not police officers. Progressive unions should represent them. I say abolish the police department and transform it into a community peace force.

The white-wingers (formerly, right-wingers) claim they are pro-police. They are not. They only support the cops when they violently abuse some poor victim. Now, should the cops go on strike for higher wages, you will not see one conservative on the picket line with them. Conservatives are not willing to pay higher taxes to support their local police. Hell, no! They’d rather privatize the police force and have them guard and protect the white rich and their acres upon acres of property. Here’s one argument worth contemplating: Abolish the police so they can never be privatized!

Okay, Boomer?

Take a listen to this song I wrote in 1980 about the Los Angeles Police Department:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpIzWoS0Vto

#george floyd #blacklivesmatter #60s #poets of tumblr #stephenjaymorris #defund the police

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pagesuponstpages · 6 years ago

Text

waiting for you

inspo: songfic of waiting for you by the aces

word count: +8.8k

synopsis: she’s always been close with luke, best friends even. and when feelings are realized does she find out that maybe their friendship had always been a little more than ‘just friends.’

a/n: sorry if my capitalization doesn’t make sense. also this kinda got out of hand, thus being so long. also the last line is kinda eh but yeah, hope you enjoy

Ping! Ping!

She cracked one of her eyes open, blindly grabbing for her phone.

Bzzt Bzzt

Remember the words you told me, love me till the day I die.

Y/N finally caught her phone, clicking the home button to turn it on, which also shut off the ringer.

“Fucking shit,” she yelped as the white light nearly blinded her eyes. After turning down the brightness to a considerable amount, she saw the notifications pop up, one after another.

lu: I’m having one of those moments lu: I can’t sleep (2) missed calls from lu cal-pal: did u pick up luke? cal-pal: he’s interrupting my sleep (2) missed calls from sumo smash ash mikey-crikey: please tell you’re with him sumo smash ash: u up mikey-crikey: I don’t need more late night phone calls sumo smash ash: pls talk to luke sumo smash ash: I need my sleep mikey-crikey: he scared the daylights out of southy and crys (1) missed call from cal-pal lu: I’m sorry if I woke u up

She rolled her eyes, reading the texts, before unlocking her phone and replying back.

y/n: no but I guess I will now cal-pal: thank god, bless your soul y/n: overdramatic ass. I’m getting up now cal-pal: oke gn :) y/n: gn u dork

y/n: lazy hoe sumo smash ash: wOW OKAY sumo smash ash: but please? sumo smash ash: he somehow calms down the best with you y/n: fiiiiiine sumo smash ash: :D <3 y/n: go to sleep then! sumo smash ash: -.- zzzz

y/n: nope mikey-crikey: please? y/n: getting up and putting my jacket on mikey-crikey: you’re a lifesaver y/n: the story of my life mikey-crikey: love youuuu

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you at your place?” she said, grabbing a sweatshirt from the chair next to her closet that was probably either Calum’s or Luke’s.

“Yeah, why?” Luke replied. She slipped on the two sleeves while the phone was tucked between her ear and shoulder.

“I saw your texts, I’ll be there in 10 and be ready to leave.” She ended the call before he got another word in. She grabbed her wallet and keys and slipped on a pair of mustard-yellow vans, that Mikey called atrocious and Calum called vile but she loved them to death. She went out the door, locking up behind her and walked down the 15 or some steps down from her floor to the street front, where her car was parked. Once she started the ignition and warmed up the car, while fiddling with her phone trying to find her calming playlist, she pulled out from the curb, towards the direction of Luke’s place. Y/N had been there so many times, that the drive from hers to his was muscle memory, thus her mind drifting off, just enough that her eyes were on the road, but not focusing on where she was going.

Before she knew it, she was pulling up the curb right outside his place.

y/n: i’m right outside your windowwww lu: wait lu: what?? lu: oh

She saw his head peek out the window, grinning widely at her, then she assumed he ran downstairs, a few seconds bursting out the door. He was clad in a 5SOS III hoodie and grey sweats, the hood up, which was mostly covering his curls that were spilling out from the sides.

“Y/N, you didn’t have to do this,” Luke said, settling in shotgun. She rolled her eyes, as she shifted the gears from park to drive.

“What, no hello? No ‘early morning to you’?” she teased. His laughter filled the car, warming her more than the hoodie that she was wearing.

“Top of the mornin’ to ya’, lassie,” he then said, in the best Scottish accent that Luke could muster. Which wasn't the greatest to be fair. Y/N giggled, while flicking on the turn signal to get onto the main road.

“Alrighty matey,” she replied, trying to keep a straight face.

“What, was that the best you can do?” he retorted, his thick accent becoming more prominent.

“I tried okay!” She slapped his knee, all the while staring at him cross-eyed and tongue sticking out.

“Hey! Eyes on the road!”

“Alright dad.” That prompted a shove, which Y/N responded with the car shifting to the left, nearly going into the other lane.

“Staahp it,” he groaned, leaning back in his seat.

It was quiet in the car after that, minus the music playing quietly in the background. There were barely any other cars on the road, just them speeding down the road with the windows creaked open giving a light breeze in the car.

“What playlist is this?” Luke finally said, as the song switched from Coldplay’s Fix You to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.

“It’s my chill playlist.” They would often share music with each other, from being of their time, as they made playlists on spotify with titles that were either one-worded or twenty, to them burning CDs for each other. Thankfully, Y/N’s car still had a CD player, which she would play Luke’s mixes on the way to work.

Luke grabbed her phone that was docked next to the dashboard, where it was placed for easy access if she needs to see it for navigation or messages while driving.

“I’m not telling you the code,” she said, watching him try to unlock it in the corner of her eyes.

“That’s alright,” he said, swiping up on the screen and placing the phone in front of her face for a couple seconds before the device was unlocked.

“Hey!” she said, which earned him another smack, this time on the shoulder.

“Oww, you hurt me.”

“That’s what you get for abusing phone privileges. And now I’m not loving that function anymore, Apple,” she grumbled, as the car slowly stopped for the red light.

Luke flicked through her phone, reading through the list of songs in the playlist currently playing in the car.

“Kacey Musgraves, Fleetwood Mac, George Ezra,” he mumbled, “and 5 Seconds of Summer?!” She rolled her eyes but watched him read through her playlist amusedly.

“Yeah heard of them? They’re alright but they have some tunes.” This prompted another shove.

“Oi! Stop hitting the driver!” He stuck out a tongue at her, which she nearly missed as the light turned green. To annoy Luke even more, she sped up the car, accelerating the car as quick as she could to the speed limit of 40 mph.

“Hey!” She glanced in the rearview mirror, checking to see if there were any cars nearby, which there weren’t. Thus her slamming the brakes, careening Luke forward and her phone smacking on the dash in front of him.

“I regret ever getting in the car with you.” Luke groaned, rubbing his head which also received casualty during the sudden stop.

“But you still love me.” He watched her, hands loosely gripping the wheel and hair blowing in the breeze, as they continued down the road.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, “I do.”

Antics quieted down after that, and it just became the music and the road ahead of them. Y/N noticed Luke drifting off, as she was telling him a story of an incident that happened at work, right when she was getting into how her coworker, Brooke broke the coffee machine. She smiled at him, as she heard his soft breaths, his chest rising then sinking in slumber. Y/N turned at the next light, slowly circling back to Luke’s place.

Once she pulled up at the same spot from a couple of hours ago, she shut off the car, the music cutting out as well. He was still asleep, thankfully. Y/N knew that the guys were pulling in the extra hours on their next album, even to the point of not sleeping regularly, which worried her. So she was happy to help any band member calm down and relax in the comfort of her car, which also happened to be her favorite thing: driving down the road in the dead of the night, with quiet conversation and her trusty playlist to accompany her and the other passenger.

She climbed out of the car, shutting the door silently as she could. Then Y/N walked to the other side, opened the door, and reached over the tall blonde boy to unclip his seatbelt. Then she shifted him, so his legs were hanging out the door and one arm over her shoulder. She would’ve tried to fully carry him but considering that Luke was at least seven inches taller than her, she didn’t even bother. Thankfully, despite him still drifting in slumber, his legs cooperated with her, taking steps to the door. She kicked her car door behind her and clicked the fob to lock it, before finding Luke’s house key on her keychain.

“Okay work with me here,” she whispered, once they got into his place. Y/N sat him down on the couch, slipping off his shoes and placed them by the door next to hers. She then pulled him off the couch, having him leaning on her again as they walked slowly to his bedroom. She assumed that Luke was somewhere in between consciousness and sleep as he held her arm, right as she was walking away from his bed, in which she tucked him into moments before.

“Stay with me,” he mumbled, while tugging her back towards the bed. Y/N weighed the options, thinking when she needed to get up for work that would give enough time for her to get back to her place and change in time.

“Okay,” Y/N decided. She opened the clock app on her phone, pressing the alarm for 7:45 am and 8 am before plugging her phone in Luke’s phone charger next to his bed. Then Y/N untied her hair from a half ponytail, putting the hairband next to her phone, wallet, and keys on the bedside table. She slid into bed, right next to Luke, who wiggled a bit away from her to make room, and once her head hit the pillow, his arms and legs wrapped around her frame, warming her enough to immediately drift off to sleep.

Why you acting like a stranger, when we do this every night.

Y/N’s eyes opened, before groaning. She was exhausted due to not going to bed early enough, much less considering her late night/early morning drive with Luke. Speaking of Luke, she briefly forgot where she was, until a large form curled around her shifted to slap her phone off the bedside table, which she assumed Luke hoped would shut off the alarm. Alas, no.

You only ever wanna love me after midnight.

She peered over the bed, looking for where her phone was. Surprisingly, it was still plugged in. So, Y/N reached out, trying to grab the phone on the ground whilst still in bed. But no, the universe didn’t want to give her all the pleasures in life.

Thuump!

“Owww,” she groaned. She quickly unlocked her phone, this time thanking the apple gods for facial recognition and shut off both of her alarms that were blaring 5SOS music.

“The funniest part of that was not the music but you falling off the bed.” She turned around, to see Luke smiling, his eyes half open and his voice scratchy.

“Shut up Lu,” she groaned, rubbing her side and hoping that a bruise won’t form there. She checked the time on her phone, cursing. “Gonna be late!” She stood up, shoving her items into the hoodie’s front pocket and tied up her hair into a floppy bun.

“Goodbye hug?” Luke said, holding his arms out. She sighed, watching this adorable man-child curled up in bed. What she would give to have another hour, heck even fifteen more minutes.

“You dork,” she said, as she put one knee on the bed, balancing herself before Luke nearly swallowed her with his arms.

“Can’t you stay longer? It was comfy with you.”

“I cannot Lucas. Also being your human teddy bear was too hot, especially when the human teddy bear is wearing sweats.” He chuckled, then retracted his arms, snuggling back under the covers.

“It was hot last night,” he agreed. The fact that both of them were wearing sweats under the comforter, not even considering that Luke was a human space heater, had Y/N slightly sweaty when she got out of bed. She walked out of the bedroom, spying a block of post-its next to a mason jar full of colored sharpies by the jar. Y/N wasn’t surprised.

After first meeting the guys and getting to know them, whenever she visited their apartments, she noticed that there were random places where there was stationary and writing utensils, post-its and sharpies being preferred the most. Calum explained to her one day that when they have random bouts of inspiration, the boys would quickly scrawl it down, trying not to forget anything. Or other times, they would leave little notes or drawings to each other before they would leave each other’s places. Some notes being thoughtful and lovely and others with crude jokes with badly drawn stick figures.

Finished with her sticky note that one was placed on the fridge and the other on the counter and putting on her shoes, she unlocked the door.

“Bye Lucas!” she yelled into the house, then shutting the door and locking up behind her with her set of spare keys, before Luke could even respond.

When Luke got up, about an hour or two later after Y/N left, he saw something neon pink in the corner of his eye once he walked into the kitchen.

hello lucas bobby hemmo hope u had a decent night of sleep and I was happy to help (you were heavy to carry when asleep!!) don’t forget to eat something before going into the studio and do the guys a favor and shower before too!!! love ya u man child your temporary uber driver

He grinned, reading the message while waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing his morning cup. After getting out a piece of bread that he immediately put in the toaster and two boiled eggs from the fridge, he saw her second message, this time on a neon green post-it.

aaayyee ohhh hemmo1996 (never letting that go) also if you dented my phone case or cracked my phone when you smacked my phone to the ground with your humango hands I will send u the bill (also I suggest wearing the plaid pants and black high tops, it’s a look and gunsta be ‘chilly’ today!!) don’t understand you people thinking that 55 degrees is cold give Pet my best, I didn’t get to see her :(((( I bet ur eating those nasty-ass boiled eggs for breakfast ~love ya~ ;D y/n

He scoffed, biting into one boiled egg and taking a sip of his coffee. He heard the pitter-patter of Petunia’s feet on the hardwood.

“Hey Pig,” he cooed, kneeling down to rub her head. “Y/N says hello and is sorry for leaving so early.” She grunted in response, then trudged away from him to her food bowl, lapping up the water.

“Yeah, I wish she stayed too.”

Luke stood up and opened the cupboard where all of Petunia’s food, snacks and treats were housed. He grabbed the correct plastic jug, popped open the lid and used the lid which was dipped enough to indicate how much dog food to give per meal, then poured it into her bowl. He shut the jug and placed it next to the ziplock bag of homemade treats that Y/N made two weeks ago. Petunia happily started eating as he finished his own breakfast, toast now finished with butter and vegemite.

“Pet, I just-” he said, talking to his dog, “I think I like her, like, like-like her and I don’t really know what to do.” As if she was listening to him, Petunia turned around, watching him with her chocolate brown eyes. Luke sat on the ground, followed by Petunia padding over and laying in between his legs. He took another bite of his toast, chewing thoughtfully.

“And she keeps telling me that she loves me, but what does that even mean?! Is this a platonic love? Or a familial love? Or like a romantic love?” The white bulldog mix grumbled, before sniffing her own leg.

“I don’t know, man,” he said, stroking her back. He paused before laughing to himself.

“I don’t know, WO-man.” And there was silence, as if Petunia understood his bad joke. “Get it? Cause you’re a girl Pet? Not a man?” Petunia made some whining noises, before getting up and laying on her bed near the couch.

“Alright then,” he grumbled. Luke got up, realizing that he should probably get ready for the studio.

“I’ll figure it out. Maybe.”

Just as she walked into the cafe where they were having brunch, she heard all of their laughter. More specifically Luke’s laughter. Despite having a deeper-toned voice, Luke’s laugh was more high-pitched and breathy, which was something that always brought her a smile to her face and even had her laughing along.

“How can I help you?” Y/N snapped from her daze, now seeing the slightly too peppy hostess in front of her. “Hi, I’m here with a group, and I think they’re in the back.” The hostess frowned, clicking on the screen.

“I’m sorry but that’s a private party,” she said. Y/N noticed that she was tenser compared to how the hostess was a few seconds ago.

“Is there a problem? My friends are there; we made a reservation.” The hostess chewed her lip, contemplating before deciding.

“What is the name that the reservation is under?”

“I think it’s under Bobby or Thomas. For a party of 7?” Whenever they would have these get-togethers, the boys would always put the reservation under a different name, to limit the crowds of people that would form out front once someone recognized them. She mentally rolled her eyes, as they weren’t that creative with names.

“Uh,” the hostess said, her hands slightly shaking and her eyes shifting around them, “can you give me a second?” Y/N frowned, annoyed that she had to wait when she could hear them just a few feet away from her. But she nodded, which then the hostess walked into the back.

y/n: what the heck?!! cal-pal: what? what did I do? y/n: what’s the reservation name under cal-pal: ...fuck cal-pal: I think I put it under Thomas y/n: …… cal-pal: sorry cal-pal: are they giving you trouble y/n: I think so, the hostess had to quiz me y/n: then I think she’s getting her boss cal-pal: do u want me to go up there y/n: no it’s fine, I’ll figure it out cal-pal: ..okay just lmk if u want me to y/n: oke

“Excuse me, ma’am?” Y/N looked up from her phone, now seeing the hostess move onto another customer while a young lady and a guy that seemed to be the epitome of a hipster watched her, their eyes looking over every part of her and her outfit. Y/N normally didn’t care what people thought of what she wore. Some days it was lazy and comfortable with a sweatshirt while other times it was more dressy and fashionable with colored ankle boots to match. Today was an in between, with a polka dotted t-shirt dress, black stockings, and olive green combat boots. Oh, and she was wearing Luke’s 5SOS sweatshirt again, which she stole from him and basically claimed as her own. Now thinking over her choices this morning as (what she presumes) the two owners look her over, debating if she truly is apart of the group that’s closed off the back of the cafe or if she was a rabid fan that wanted to meet the band of her dreams.

“Oh! Y/N, you’re here!” She spotted Ashton behind the cafe owners, sporting a wide grin. The owners automatically relaxed and stepped aside.

“Sorry about that sir, we just weren’t sure if she was-”

“That’s fine, and I’ll take her to our seats,” Ashton said, cutting off the hipster dude. The two nodded, before walking away, into the back area near the kitchens.

“Perfect timing,” Y/N breathed, as she and Ash walked down a corridor to the closed-off section.

“Cal told me about the situation, and after taking awhile, he asked if I could check up to see if they had thrown you out.” She rolled her eyes, elbowing him.

“There you are! What took you so long!” Michael said, pulling her into a hug.

“Sorry guys and gals, the front wouldn’t let me go for a bit.” Luke’s eyebrows furrowed, as he took a sip of what Y/N assumed to be some fruit/vegetable health concoction that she would say far away from.

“I think the sweatshirt didn’t help,” Cal said, who was sat next to her. Y/N shrugged.

“Probably. I didn’t think much of it this morning, was just cold. But hey, at least you know that you’re covered with security and privacy at this place.” The boys nodded, looking back down at their menus.

“We didn’t order yet, except for Luke’s weird-ass smoothie and Crystal’s juice,” Cal said, leaning on her shoulder. He gave her his menu, since there wasn’t enough for the whole table, thus him reading over her shoulder the options.

“Heyyy,” Luke said, who was sitting on the other side of Y/N. He leaned in, to the point where Y/N was squished in between the two freakishly tall dudes (okay so there are many people, specifically guys that are around their height but to Y/N and her measly height they all seems gigantic). “I heard that. And it’s not weird; it’s tasty and good for you.”

“Mate, those two don’t belong in the same sentence,” Ashton quipped. He was sat across from Y/N, still flicking through the menu, unsure what to get.

“Unfortunately I would have to agree, it might be healthy but definitely doesn’t taste good,” Y/N said, facing Luke who was pouting at her statement.

“Have you tried it?” His eyes bore into hers, and when she looked into his, there was a lack of laughter that would usually be there. She shook her head.

“No,” she mumbled.

“Try it.” Luke reached out the straw towards her lips, and with some nudges from Luke, she took a sip to her dismay and the laughter of her friends around her. Once the liquid hit her tongue, her eyebrows crinkled and her eyes squinted at the bitter and sour taste.

“HA! I told you it wasn’t good!” Calum said, pointing at Luke. Luke raised his eyebrows at Y/N in question.

“I mean it’s not bad-”

“See!”

“-but I wouldn’t pay money to get it.” The table chorused in laughter, with the exception of Luke.

“Are you ready to order?” Their whole group suddenly went silent, now realizing the waitress that was standing at the end of their table, for who knows how long.

“Uh yeah,” Mikey said. Everyone said their orders, going clockwise around the table, until it stopped at Y/N.

“Uh this is awkward,” she mumbled, flipping through the menu to see if anything stuck out to her. She had something in mind earlier, but now it was slipping her mind what that was.

“Just get the eggs benedict, it’s pretty good here,” Luke whispered to her, who was practically on her shoulder.

“You and your fucking eggs,” she grumbled.

“And what would you like ma’am?” Luke choked back his laughter, as the waitress spoke immediately after Y/N, who was now mortified that everyone around her heard what she just said.

“I’ll have the eggs benedict, with hash browns on the side,” she finally said, after a nudge from Cal, which broke her stupor. The waitress nodded, scrawling it down on her notepad before collecting all the menus.

“It will be out in about 15 to 20 minutes, and is there anything else that you need? Refills?” Cal and Ash snorted, then quickly composed themselves.

“No thank you,” Michael said, almost rolling his eyes at the boys’ antics. The waitress nodded, then walked away back into the kitchens. “Really?” He glared at Cal and Ash.

“What? We were laughing at Y/N.” Ash said, still giggling. The whole tabled looked at her, who was doe-eyed, like a deer in the headlights.

“What? All I did was this,” she said, shrugging. She then pointed at Luke’s smoothie, followed by the pantomiming of her chopping her neck along with being cross-eyed and her tongue sticking out. The whole table erupted in laughter.

“Man, I’m stuffed,” Mikey said, patting his stomach. Y/N rolled her eyes, yet chuckled at the currently blonde-haired boy.

“Heading back to the studio?” Y/N asked, as they got up from their seats. Some were stretching and others were sliding on their jackets. Mikey shook his head.

“Nah, we have the day off.” Y/N nodded, while tying the sweatshirt, that may or may not have caused her so much trouble earlier that day, around her waist.

“So, you’re just gonna chill?” she replied. Ashton shrugged, frowning slightly.

“Yeah, I guess.” They all walked out of the cafe; the cool breeze lightly hitting them in the face. The group stood in twos, with Luke and Y/N bringing up the rear.

“What are you gonna do today?” Luke said, swinging his arm, back and forth, which was holding her hand. She shrugged, also swinging her arm in tune with Luke’s.

Normally, when they would casually be holding hands or any other form of affection that was shown more in couples, Y/N didn’t think much of it. But today it felt different between them. Maybe it was the excessive joking at the cafe, or how they split chocolate chip pancakes together and he fed her the first bite, but whatever it was, it was all adding up in her head. Did he like her? Because damn, if he did, her heart would burst out of her chest, just like how it is now, thundering away.

“Just it’s gonna be us singletons!” Y/N snapped out her reverie, now seeing Mikey and Crystal walk away, giving them a wave with her free hand.

“Mate, it’s just us,” Calum point out, nodding at Luke and Y/N’s intertwined hands. Her cheeks turned hot and were probably pink.

“No, my hands are just cold,” Luke said, who was also sporting tinged cheeks.

“We’re in the west coast? And look, you have pockets, man.” Ashton was pointing to Luke’s leather jacket, which indeed did have pockets.

“They can’t fit with his humango hands,” Y/N quipped, grinning at Luke. She maintained eye contact with the blue-eyed boy as she put their enclosed hands into her own coat pocket that was unusually big. Something in her compelled her to do this; she wasn’t sure what. But based on the widened eyes and grin that Luke was giving her, Y/N was glad she did.

The boys didn’t say much to the gesture, as they continued walking down the street, side by side. Luke gave their intertwined hands a brief but tight squeeze, as he continued to chat with Cal about some band, that Y/N didn’t catch the name of, and that band’s new album that was going to be released in the next few days. She glanced at him in the corner of her eye, while she was listening to Ash ramble about a new song that the band was writing recently.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?” She looked up from her shoes, to see Ash staring at her with a smirk.

“Thinkin’ about something?” Her mouth flopped open then closed, after a moment, noting that she probably looked like a fish flopping out of the water.

“No?” Her cheeks grew hot. Was it just today, or has it always been that her mind drifted to thinking about Luke?

“Well,” Ash said with a raised eyebrow, “I was asking you about your thoughts.”

“My thoughts?”

“About the song?” Y/N’s eyes widened suddenly, trying to rack her mind of the song that Ash was talking about, to pull something out of her ass to convince him that she was listening to him.

“Yeah, the one I was talking about?”

“Ah, um, it’s interesting?” she paused, thinking of something better to say. “Like, I can’t imagine creatively writing a melody that doesn’t copy an already written song?” Ashton nodded at her, his face grim and stoic.

“That’s-” he said, before bursting into laughter.

“What?” She stopped walking, seeing the older boy bent over laughing. Oh yeah, she forgot Luke was holding her hand. Y/N was immediately pulled forward, causing her to trip and stumble, which also induced Ashton into further laughter.

“Why did we stop?” Luke said, watching the two of them, one who was still bent over in laughter, while the other gripping his arm to prevent from falling over into the pavement.

“Y-Y/N-” Ashton said, then giggled further. He stood up, taking deep breaths to calm down, though he was still sporting a huge grin.

“Shut up dude,” Y/N groaned, pulling Ashton’s arm up till he was standing upright again. Luke smirked at Y/N while Cal rolled his eyes at the two of them, and the two of them continued on with their conversation.

“I hate you,” she groaned, once they were again situated back in their positions: the four of them walking down the sidewalk in a row of four, much to the annoyance of other pedestrians that would pass them with a stink eye. Ash would give them an exaggerated frown back at them, which would be responded with a huff and a mutter something along the lines that they were done with tourists for the month. Cal and Luke were completely oblivious to those stares and grimaces, as they were wrapped up in their conversation, which Y/N was not sure if was still about music or about the recent rugby match that Luke dragged her out from her cozy cocoon of her bed at 3 am to watch the match with him at his place. (She later found out that both Ash and Cal were also up at the godforsaken hour at Ashton’s apartment, much to the neighbors’ disappointment.)

“Nah, pretty sure you love me,” Ashton quipped, sidestepping behind Y/N to let an elderly couple walk past them. Y/N rolled her eyes, but the smile creeping up on her face said otherwise.

“Unfortunately.” She slumped her shoulders, which pushed her hands deeper into her coat pocket. She also missed the widening smile that Luke was on his face, while Cal and Ash noted the quiet exchange in their minds.

“And you love him more,” Ashton said, quiet enough for her to hear, but for the other two Aussie boys to not.

“Well I mean,” she hesitated, “I love all you guys.”

“But him more.” He raised his eyebrows slightly, as the corner of his mouth quirked up, the smirk threatening to spread across his face. Y/N frowned for a moment, then her expression changed to a soft smile in an instant.

“Maybe so.”

cal-pal: I don’t understand cal-pal: why cant u just tell her lu: dunno lu: I’m sure she doesn’t like me in that way cal-pal: dude cal-pal: have u SEEN how she’s like with u around? lu: like any other normal time we hang out? cal-pal: smh lu: ?? cal-pal: whatever man

Luke sighed, placing his phone on the coffee table in front of him. He likes her, that for sure he knows. Heck, he’s also pretty sure that he loves her.

But his mind is going crazy if she does too. It also didn’t help the poor boy when she decided to hold his hand while they were strolling down the street with Cal and Ash. And she made no comment or further action about it, other than teasing him with the boys that 1. he’s cold and it’s LA in the spring, and 2. he has, and she quotes, “humango hands,” which she also said exactly in her post it the other week. Does she or does she not?

Petunia padded over to where he was sitting on the couch, sniffling and whining for his attention.

“Hey Pet,” he said, a soft smile adorning his lips as he rubbed her head, placing a kiss or two right above her eyes.

“Maybe it’s just a close friends thing,” he grumbled, “like, she greets all of the guys with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.” He paused thinking. “I mean she calls Ash ‘babe’ all the time.”

y/n: am forward or being too forward sumo smash ash: normally, I’d say a bit too forward y/n: and? sumo smash ash: let me finish! sumo smash ash: but with luke’s thick-ass skull I’d almost say not enough y/n: aCTUALLY y/n: I mean, last week I stayed in bed with him and we CUDDLED y/n: I don’t cuddle with guys too often sumo smash ash: cept us dudes sumo smash ash: cause we cuddly y/n: facts y/n: but like I helped him fall asleep at the “ass-crack of dawn” y/n: who does that? y/n: and we slept in the same bed, intertwined PRIOR to falling asleep y/n: I left the dude cute-ass notes sumo smash ash: to be fair sumo smash ash: u do the driving thing with us, along with other poor fellas that suffer jet-lag or insomnia sumo smash ash: even at the ass-crack of dawn y/n: I guess sumo smash ash: but u do seem to be more personal and flirty with him compared to your usual nice-ness

Y/N groaned, dragging her fingers through her hair. How come he just didn’t know?

She had been trying to give Luke hints that she likes him, hell, that she loves him, but alas he has no clue.

Two weeks ago, they had a movie marathon, the day right after the boys came back from 5SOS III, in which they were both tucked up on the couch with a few blankets and at least four pillows. And after awhile, at about the beginning of the second movie, they were spooning, and she was also hand-feeding Luke red vines and popcorn. Not to mention that they also fell asleep on the couch and were woken up at 7 am by Petunia licking her face and whining in Luke’s ear.

The following weekend they spent time “browsing,” as what Y/N called it, thus so that her wallet wouldn’t be dead by the end of their spontaneous shopping trip. They went everywhere, from boutiques that housed fashions worth more than her apartment rent, to beauty counters where she needed more matte eyeliner and the two of them gazed and glitter palettes (they both bought one each, though they promise to borrow and share the wide variety of colors) and rows and rows of nail polish in every color under the sun. To normal clothings stores, “lucas, these clothes are barely in my income range, and I want plaid pants too,” and of course the stores that allowed Y/N to get five white t-shirts of the most minute styling differences all under 20 dollars. They even ran into a few fans, which she silently stepped aside, continuing to look at other items in the store, all the while being a couple feet away from Luke in case they needed to make a swift exit. No questions were raised about the two of them together, out on the town, all assuming that she was just a supportive friend in all endeavors of Luke Robert Hemmings’ life.

It became to the point with the amount of time that they were spending with each other outside of Luke being in the studio or Y/N at work, that her lingering feelings that she’s housed for the light-haired curly-headed boy turned into actual, vivid emotions that came up fluttering in her belly, especially when he would give her that wide, eye-crinkle, grin.

y/n: I just don’t know what to do sumo smash ash: maybe bring it up a notch? sumo smash ash: like to the point where it’s painfully obvious y/n: well if that doesn’t work then might as well tell him myself y/n: despite ya know y/n: the overwhelming potential rejection y/n: damn. y/n: guys have it hard, when going first with these kinds of things sumo smash ash: YEAH sumo smash ash: that’s if guys go first sumo smash ash: despite it being the 21st century y/n: yeahhhh ik y/n: girls kinda still want some reassurances that the other is into you before they jump in too sumo smash ash: c’est la vie

Y/N frowned, trying to wracked her brain of more, should she say, creative ways of implying that she’s in love with her best friend.

Remember the words you told me, love me-

Y/N awoke immediately, swiping on her phone screen to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you coming?” She furrowed her eyebrows, now looking at her phone screen, which popped up with more notifications that she seemingly didn’t hear during her nap.

in 2 hours - cashton’s rando bar hang lu: do u want me to pick u up lu: I think cal and mike want to go eat before lu: are you there? cal-pal: hey so thinkin that we should eat first cal-pal: to ya know, avoid the sudden alcohol rush cal-pal: nvm ash is pregaming mikey-crikey: are we meeting at the restaurant ash: what restaurant mikey-crikey: I wanna eat dude mikey-crikey: starving, ate an early lunch cal-pal: me too cal-pal: y/n where to? ...read more messages…

Y/N cursed to herself, seeing that it was a little past 8, while the guys had planned to hang at 7, and the additional last-minute dinner plans that they decided at 6, made her super late.

the true 5 seconds of summer y/n: SORRY SORRY SORRY y/n: OVERSLEPT cal-pal: finally cal-pal: we were just about to leave and bust down ur door mikey-crikey: luke was getting worried lu: WAS NOT mikey-crikey: you kept checking your phone every minute ?? lu: shut up ash: y/n hurrry upppp wer’e abtt to go HARD y/n: what? cal-pal: luke and ash are tipsy now, ash more than luke y/n: alright imma comin, imma comin

She plugged her phone in the charger, as it was likely that it was gonna be a long night and she didn’t want the risk of her phone being dead, trying to get a cab or uber with four utterly smashed guys.

Y/N looked in her closet, trying to find the dress with zodiacs embroidered in gold, that she was planning to wear, as she thankfully already planned her outfit for the night.

“Now where’s the jacket,” she mumbled, after slipping on the dress, breathing out heavily.

Luke swallowed another shot, trying to numb himself of the incessant thoughts in his head.

“Dude, you should slow down. Wait until Y/N comes,” Calum said, then taking a sip of his water.

“Don’t bother, she’s probably with that guy from her work.” Calum raised an eyebrow at the younger boy, but didn’t question him.

Ever since Luke heard from Y/N about this one guy that she met from work, who was a new hire, he couldn’t stop the seething jealousy. Despite him not voicing his own feelings, she would blabber on about how they both like similar music and movie marathons, which he thought was their thing. Much to say that Luke hated this guy’s guts, and the funniest part is that he doesn’t even remember the guy’s name.

��Hey, did Y/N make it yet?” Ashton said, with Michael trailing behind him.

“Not yet, but she just texted me, and the uber driver said about 2 more minutes,” Calum said, shrugging.

“I’m getting another drink.” Luke stood up suddenly, though he wobbled a little walking to the bar.

“I’m sorry again, but how much longer until we get there?”

“I don’t know ma’am, there seems to have been an accident.” She frowned, re-crossing her legs and vowing that she will set up ten alarms before she takes a nap ever again.

y/n: sorrrrry again cal-pal: ? y/n: there’s an accident on the highway y/n: hella traffic y/n: if I wasn’t on the highway, I would walk, we’re that close cal-pal: it’s alright cal-pal: except luke is getting antsy cal-pal: apparently you’re with a guy from work and it’s driving him crazy y/n: wait what

She raised her eyebrows, before frowning. It makes sense now: the hesitance, the nervous blushing, the need to cling onto her at all times. He liked her too.

But she also recognized that in Luke’s thick ass skull, he thought that when she was talking about her new co-worker Steven and how he wore a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt to work and oddly made it work in a business-attire setting and how Luke should try that. In her rambling on about Steven and his band t-shirt, Y/N presumed that he thought she liked Steven, which in her head, was the complete opposite. She was also glad that she didn’t bring up that Steven had subtly asked her out, in the form of getting drinks with a few of his buddies, but she gently let him down because she had plans with a blonde rockstar that had just come home from a promo tour of a new single off of his band’s third album (not to mention that she was head-over-heels in love with him).

Much to say that she had to bring her A-game tonight.

“I’m really sorry I’m late,” she huffed, slamming her purse on the table.

“Y/N! You’re finally here! Did you get to visit Sydney while you were at it?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and shoved Mikey.

“I fucking hate you,” she grumbled, squeezing in between Luke and Calum. Y/N took the two shots that Ash pushed in front of her once she got settled, which went down her throat in a nice burn.

“Love you too,” Mikey said with a wink.

“Traffic finally let up?” Calum asked, leaning close to her ear, as the music was progressively getting louder once she arrived.

“Almost an hour, yeah.” She rolled her eyes. “It was just an accident with an out-of-towner that doesn’t know how to drive the California highways.”

“Figures,” Calum scoffed.

Then her phone went off, ringing and vibrating on the table in all its glory.

Remember the words you told me, love me till the da-

Y/N picked up her phone quickly, answering the call, not even checking the caller id.

“You have our song as your ringtone?!”

“Shut up!” Her cheeks turned red, from either the comment or the alcohol, but she would claim that it was the latter. “Hello? Who is this? Stevie? Stephen? Steven? Sorry, give me a second. Give me a second!”

She got up, holding onto Luke’s shoulder for balance, before teetering towards the entrance of the bar which was quieter.

“Dude, you really need to jump on that before the train leaves the station.” Luke was staring at the drink in front of him, then peered up, seeing all three boys, at different stages of drunkenness, all with knowing looks.

“What do you mean?” Ash scoffed, his arms leaning forward on the table.

“You need to get your head out of your ass and talk to her,” Ashton said, taking a sip of his beer.

“In the span of the three, maybe four minutes since Y/N has arrived, you haven’t spoken to her, even acknowledged her. Of course she’s gonna think you’re not interested and move on to another guy.” Calum said. Luke sighed, taking a huge gulp of his beer.

“Guys, just because I like her, doesn’t mean that she’s interested.” Calum was pretty sure that both Ashton and Michael were seconds away from decking the youngest boy. But he just shook his head, then took a long sip from his drink.

“What do you mean Linda won’t cover for me? I covered her last time!” Y/N huffed, rubbing her arms absentmindedly, as the front of the bar didn’t have the best insolation and the night cold seeped in every time someone walked in or out. Turns out Steven called because Caroline’s phone was dead. “Sorry Y/N, she had a conflict in the last minute.” Y/N frowned. She was hoping that her schedule would work out to tag along with the boys on one leg of the tour. She had saved about two and a half weeks of vacation days, planned to use for the tour, and the vacation could be a little longer with Linda covering her projects for about a week. And she was hoping that she could surprise the boys with the news tonight. But it looks like life had other plans.

“Can someone else cover them for me?” she said, taking a few glances back at the table. The boys were animatedly chatting: Cal sporting a soft smile, Ash with a wild grin on his face and waving his arms around, Mikey rolling his eyes, though a smirk was plastered on his face, and Luke, head tilted back in laughter. She could even hear him all the way from where she was. Or it was that she could hear what his laughs would sound like in her head.

“Y/N? You there?” She blinked, focusing back on Caroline on the phone.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. What were you saying?” Caroline giggled on the other line, barely loud enough for her to hear in the bar.

“I’m pretty sure I can find someone. And even if they don’t, I’ll split up the work and pass it out with no exceptions. Babe, you’ve been working so hard for the past few months. This break, you deserve it.” Y/N broke into a smile, the tips of her fingers tingling in excitement.

“Thank youuu, I don’t even know what I owe you.”

“Staaaph, you don’t owe me anything. And I better hear all the stories that you’ll get up to on tour.”

“Oh you will,” she said, while being sidetracked with Luke back at the table. This time, he was taking a long drink of his beer, his adam’s apple bobbing and the strands of hair tucked behind his ears falling out. Damn he looked perfect, with his shiny hair, shiny boots, and even shinier personality. And all the feelings swirling in her belly continued to swirl around with no destination in sight.

“-and I bet you’re not even listening to me, staring at the blue-eyed beauty with heart-eyes. You know what, you should tell him. Cause if you keep waiting any longer, complainin’ to me, I’m gonna tear my hair out, then shove the both of you into a small closet and throw the key.”

“Hey!”

“What? Bet you he’s driving his friends crazy with his overwhelming emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with too.” Y/N scoffed. “But anyways, I should let you go. Have fun! And tell him before I do!” Then Caroline hung up on her before she could inch another word.

“Caroline-!” She looked at her phone, her co-worker’s face disappearing from the screen and her call history showing up. She scrolled a little, before finding another number.

“Hello?”

“Hey Sam, it’s me.” She crossed her arms, balancing the phone on her shoulder, to give herself some warmth.

“Well, I hope it’s you and not someone else with your number.” She rolled her eyes.

“Listen, I just got off the phone with Caroline, and Linda can’t cover for me. So be a dear and help out Caroline with my projects, please?” She heard a sigh, followed by a thump, which she assumed was him landing in his desk chair.

“Fine. But you owe me. Like food or something.”

“Yeah, yeah I know,” she said smiling. At the office, she was the only few people that can cook well, thus favors being repaid in food.

“Okay gotta go, Caroline is telling me you have a hot date.”

“Wait no! It’s not a date! It’s just with guy friends.”

“Surrrre. And you must be in love with at least one of them,” Sam scoffed.

“Well, that may be true but this is not the time!”

“Aha! Well have fuuuun!” And he hung up on her.

“I’m gonna kill them both,” Y/N muttered, as she walked back to the table.

“There you are!” Ashton said. The other three turned to face her; they all had dopey grins, minus Luke who was giving her mixed signals.

“It was work,” she frowned. Calum raised his brows, silently asking if there was something else going on.

“Nothing important, buuut,” she said, climbing back on the barstool while gripping Luke’s shoulder for balance. “I do have a surprise.”

“What is it?” Mikey said, his eyes widening.

“It’s nothing big, but I did have to work out the logistics with work, and also talk to your manager for the details and the permission to do so but-”

“Tell me, woman!” Ashton said, slamming a fist on the table. “Fuck, that hurt!” He gripped his fist with the other hand. Y/N bit her tongue from laughing.

“So that all means that I get to join you for tour!” The four of them froze, eyes wide, with some gaping mouths.

“You’re fucking joking,” Mikey said. She shook her head.

“Not joking. Confirmed with the boss man yesterday and with my boss earlier today. I get to tag along for the euro leg!” Next thing she knew, she was clobbered by four tall dudes with bear hugs.

“Can’t fucking believe it. You’re coming on tour,” Cal said in her ear.

“Y/N’S COMING ON TOUR!” Ashton nearly yelled in her ear.

“Ow, tone it down Ash,” Luke said. Well, more Luke’s ear than hers.

“Aw geez guys, thanks for the love and warmth, by the way, this bar is fucking cold, but I’m also losing oxygen.” They all reluctantly let go, sitting back in their chairs, except for Ash, who went to get more shots.

“Can’t believe it,” Luke mumbled in her ear. She scooted her chair closer to Luke, before tucking herself in his bomber jacket and wrapped her arms around his frame.

“What are you doing?” Luke said, giggling.

“It’s fucking cold,” she said, pulling herself closer to Luke, “and I’m the dumb idiot that wore a backless dress to the cold-ass bar.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, rubbing the other side not attached to him, pausing slightly when she mentioned the backless dress.

“At least you were sensible enough to wear a jacket,” he finally said.

“It’s your jacket, asshole.” Luke giggled, then taking the shot that Ash brought back to their table, handing her one as well.

“Here’s to the true 5SOS band’s Meet You There Tour!” Y/N twisted herself enough to face the group with her shot glass raised in the air.

“Cheers!” They all clinked their glasses, then swallowing the clear liquid down. The other three boys walked away from the table: to dance, to smoke, to get more drinks.

“You’re truly something,” Luke whispered into her ear, rubbing her back.

“Truly yours,” she said back. He stopped rubbing her back, staring into her eyes. She kept eye contact, while straightening up in her chair.

“What?” he said softly. “You mean it?” She rolled her eyes.

“I mean it,” she said, grabbing the lapels of his jacket, “and I love you.”

Luke’s gaze softened, tugging her closer to him.

“Wow, I just never-” he stopped, looking down at her, nearly in his lap and wearing his leather jacket. “I love you too.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I’m glad, and I thought we were just friends.” Luke blushed, staring at the sun on her dress.

“I’m glad you made the first move.” Then she pulled him down for a kiss, their lips meeting halfway.

“About fucking time.” They both jumped, breaking apart.

Ash, Cal, and Mikey were standing in front of the table, all with smirks plastered on their faces.

“I hate you guys,” Y/N said, before reaching up to kiss Luke again. Once they broke apart, Luke smiled, gazing down at her.

“What?”

“I’ve been waiting for you, all this time.”

#5sosff #luke hemmings fic #luke hemmings x reader #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #luke hemmings #luke 5sos #ashton irwin #luke hemmings fanfic #calum hood #michael clifford #5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings imagine #damn this has been a PAIN to format and lowkey regretting the texting parts bc thosewere the worst part of formatting #also i feel like i'm missing something but oh well #content creation

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shirk-raya · 6 years ago

Text

One Shot (Part 1)

Rating: T (Cursing, major violence, heavy topics) Warnings: Blood, extreme violence, non-major character deaths, panic attacks, major injuries, doctors, medical speak, needles (mentioned), smoking, alcohol, drugs (mentioned), will update as needed. TW: Rape Mention, heavier topics will be explored or touched upon, childhood trauma, CSA, Child abuse, Smoking and Drinking as a Vice, use of drugs (to try to sleep) Relationships: Ace/Disaster, hinted Shirk/Ace, hinted Shirk/Disaster, pre Shirk/Ace/Disaster, Shirk & Saph Characters: Shirk (me), Ace (@/Acesinadeck), Disaster (@/holdyourbreathfornow), Roland (@/holdyourbreathfornow), Constance (@/lancastover), Saph (@/spacediddly), Alandria (flashbacks, me), George (flashbacks, me) Word Count: 2554 words (^^^This will be posted at the top of ever part) A/N: @acesinadeck and @holdyourbreathfornow have had the pleasure to be the first to read this, and now I’ll be sharing it with you! Be warned, it’ll get extremely heavy later on, and extremely angsty! This part is probably the smallest of any that’ll get posted, but it’s cut off at a good spot! Next part should be out soon! T/W for THIS part: Blood, minor violence

One shot was all it took.

One shot to strike her down.

One shot to set off one of the most feared killers in the city.

One shot lead to one of the biggest police mass murders in Los Santos' history.

One shot for the truth to come out.

One shot changed everything.

The dark warehouse was silent aside from a gentle humming from the center, a single person being illuminated in a single beam of light. She hummed to herself as she placed the remaining items into the final box, excited to be nearly finished.

As she picked up one more gun off the table, the wail of sirens kicked up, causing her to startle and nearly drop the gun. "This is the Los Santos Police Department! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!"

"Well, fuck," she whispered, shutting the box. She checked the clip in the belt at her side, checked her phone, and began to move towards the back door where the pickup driver was waiting. "At least this is the last box," she told herself. "I can get this out and slip away before they realize I even left."

Her footsteps echoed eerily in the silent warehouse, the barren concrete walls reflecting the red-blue-red-blue flash of the lights outside. She walked out the back door to the idling car waiting there, stuffed the box in the back, and slammed the trunk down. She thumped it twice to signal to the driver they were free to go, and the car peeled away. "Whew! There! That was the last box-"

She stopped talking as footsteps crunched in the gravel behind her and a voice shouted "Freeze! Raise your hands above your head and don't move!"

"Here, look, calm-" Disaster started slowly, deliberately raising her hands as she turned, but looking back on it, it was the wrong move. The police officer reacted to her movement and their finger twitched on the trigger of their gun, and a single round shot from the barrel and ripped through her side as she turned. The force spun her around and she stumbled, both hands coming up to press at the wound. "-down? O-oh shit," she hissed, hands coming away drenched in her own blood.

She stumbled and fell to the ground, one hand put to catch herself and the other still clutching her side. She shivered involuntarily, heart somewhere both in her throat struggling like a frightened bird, and somewhere around her toes, cold dread settling into her chest. The police officer said something into his radio, but the blood pounding in her ears made hearing impossible. She swallowed and reached a shaking hand into the pocket of her sundress as she flopped onto her back, and pulled it out, squinting up at the glowing picture of her and Ace, hand-in-hand, with Shirk pulled into the picture by her arm around his neck. They were all smiling, Shirk, begrudgingly. It had been taken just this morning and made her lock screen, and now the fear that she would die out here, without ever seeing either of them again slammed into her with the force of a bus. She struggled to sit up, and her phone fell from her hand as she gasped, curling in on herself. Her hair fell away from the carefully-styled hairdo, fly-aways falling into her eyes and mouth as she cried out in pain. She looked around, and noticed the police officer was gone, barely a trace they had been there at all.

She forced herself onto her hands and knees, blood staining the ground, her sundress, and everything around her as she slowly, every so achingly slowly, crawled her way towards the wall. Her abandoned phone vibrated behind her, screen lighting up momentarily to signify a text came through, but she either didn't notice it, or ignored it as she painstakingly made her way to her spot of safety. When her hand finally hit the rough concrete of the wall, she collapsed against it, breathing heavily through her nose. She closed her eyes, and tried to focus on breathing, in and out, in and out. The stench of blood was choking her, but she could do nothing but just breath, hand holding her side, trying to staunch the flow of blood for just a little longer.

When she caught her breath, she'd go find help. Yeah. That sounded like a plan.

Her phone buzzed again, and then once more, before everything went black.

The phone just kept ringing out, Disaster's voicemail picking up every time. Ace knew something was wrong as they waited outside of the restaurant, foot tapping impatiently. Deciding to switch tactics, they scrolled through their phone, finger hovering over his name. Would he even know where she was? It was true she was one of the only people he trusted at the moment, Ace themself one of the other ones, but…

What if the man was busy? Would he even answer? Ace shook their head to chase away the thoughts and pressed the number anyway, pressing the phone to their ear as they waited. It rang and rang and rang and they were worried he wouldn't pick up, but the line clicked on, and a questioning grunt answered them. "Shirk!" Ace nearly shouted, lowering their voice as they got looks from other patrons. "Shirk," they said again, and Ace could nearly feel the annoyance from the man.

"What, Ace? I'm a little busy," Shirk hissed, voice muffled in the unmistakable way that told Ace his mask was on. A scream through the phone was cut off into a grunt as something hard hit flesh with a metallic thwang. "Why are you even fucking calling me? Aren't you supposed to be on a date with-"

"That's why I'm calling. Disaster didn't show up." Ace cut him off, and they practically heard the eye roll from Shirk.

"She had to send some stuff out, I'm sure she's just a little late-"

"She's not answering her phone." Ace simply said, and they heard Shirk still from through the phone.

"...And you're sure something happened?"

"She always answers her phone. Would you happen to know where she is? I want to go check it out."

The squelching of a knife through an eye caused the quiet whimpers that had been in the background of their conversation to cease, and he heard the rustling of clothing. Ace imagined the man standing up, and Shirk was quiet for a moment as he walked. "I'll go check it out. I'll call you if I find anything. But, if it turns out she's just distracted I'm gonna kick your ass, I hope you realize that."

"Yeah, ass kicking is on the hypothetical 'maybe' list. Just make sure she's okay for me?"

"Right," Shirk replied, and did Ace imagine it, but was that the barest hint of worry in his voice? The roaring of a motorbike kicked up, and Shirk said, "I'll let you know," before the line clicked dead.

"Please be okay."

Shirk kicked down the stand and roared away from the dead body in the alleyway. His mane billowed out behind him like a blood-red banner. Shirk had hoped the killing would've taken longer and that he could've gotten some information on this new crew that had been causing the Freak Fam (God he hated that name) trouble, but since something a little more pressing came up, he had to go the quick route with a knife through the eye. His bike rumbled as he took a sharp turn around a corner, nearly getting hit by someone in a pickup. The driver leaned out to yell something, but Shirk just turned his head and stared at the driver through the eye holes of his mask and the driver's face paled. They flopped back in their seat as Shirk sped away down the street.

He knew exactly what warehouse Disaster had been in. The two had talked about the job over french toast this morning, with Shirk offering to do it for her so she wouldn't have to worry. She had laughed, patted him on the hand, and said, "No offense but you'd scare away the delivery man and then where would we be?" He had helped her with her make-up and her hair, and watched her leave with a parting word of "I promise this won't take long, and I'll be at dinner in no time."

His gloves hands tightened on the handlebars of the motorcycle as he drove closer to the warehouse district, and he cut through a couple of alleys to get there quicker, causing the homeless people bumming there to leap out of the way of his bike. Finally getting close to the warehouse, three police cars drove by, and he skid to a stop just within the shadows of the alley. "What the fuck," he growled, tapping his hands impatiently on the handlebars while he waited for the cruisers to turn around the corner. He peeled away from the alley and cautiously made his way towards the building. When the number of cops in the area grew, he decided to leave his bike hidden in some nearby shrubs overtaking the side of an abandoned warehouse, and made the rest of the journey on foot.

Shirk carefully and quietly slipped through the shadows, having turned the glowing LEDs inside his mask off, and approached the warehouse. Somehow, there were even more cops here, and that's when Shirk knew something was wrong. He stalked around the buildings towards the back, and was surprised that it was empty. Cautiously he stepped out from the shadows and walked into the center of the area, looking for any signs of Disaster. His foot hit something that went skittering away, and he looked down to see a phone lying on the asphalt. He picked it up and turned it on, only to have to swallow back a gasp as a very familiar photo greeted him.

The phone was definitely her's. He pocketed the phone and pulled out his own. Turning on the flashlight, he held his hand over the beam, only allowing a few streaks of light to hit the ground. What he saw made his heart leap, and he had to swallow back a sick feeling in his chest.

The ground was stained red below his feet, with the tackiness of blood. Now that he realized it, the area stank of the metallic scent of blood, and Shirk was grateful for the mask muffling the smell somewhat. His eyes found a trail leading away from the main pool of drying blood, and he followed it, not sure if he wanted to find out what was at the end. A dark shape curled up against the wall made Shirk dash over, peering down at the body. "Disaster?" He spoke quietly, and her eyes cracked open the barest amount.

"Satan? Am I in Hell?" She asked weakly, and Shirk tore the mask off with a strained, panicked chuckle, holding it in one hand as he crouched.

"Not yet, baby doll. And not any time soon if I can do anything about it." He responded, already checking her over for injuries. He saw her hands over her side, and he gently nudged her hands away, lightly touching it and finding his glove shiny with fresh blood. Now that he looked at her, she was extremely pale, and her breath was rattling from her chest like it was a struggle to breath. "Hold on, we have to stop the bleeding." Shrugging out of his jacket, he took his shirt off, biting back the spike of anxiety of someone seeing, and quickly put his jacket back on, zipping it up before grabbing a small pocket knife. He ripped his shirt into long strips, and helped Disaster lean forward.

He wrapped the cloth tightly around her middle, nearly flinching when she hissed in pain. He scooped her up off the ground and slid her onto his back, holding his mask in his teeth as he used his arms to hold her up like he was simply giving her a piggyback ride. "Mmm, you're warm," she murmured, pressing her face into the back of his neck.

"C'mon. Let's get you home," he told her, shifting her once before he began the long trek back to the mall/living quarters eloquently called the Heathen Haven. Shirk knew there would be no way for him to carry her and steer the motorcycle at the same time, and the best way to get her back was to walk.

He shifted her weight onto one arm to fish out his phone from his pocket. He quickly called Ace and waited for the man to pick up. "C'mon," he mumbled around the mask in his mouth. "Pick up your damn phone-"

"Shirk? Did you find her? Is she okay-" Ace's voice filtered through the phone, worry evident.

"I got her," he replied.

"Why's your voice sound weird?"

"Mask's in my mouth. Meet me in the med bay," Shirk simply said, and hung up over Ace's voice asking more questions. Dropping his phone back in his pocket, he continued his walk back to the Mall.

The door to the medical room slammed open, and everyone looked up. Someone they didn't immediately recognize stood, panting, in the doorway, and they all moves towards their weapons. But a very familiar mask hanging from the person's mouth, and a jacket they knew very well made them all freeze. It was Constance who cautiously moved forward. "Shirk?" She asked, looking him over for injuries. "What's wrong?"

He shifted, and teal hair peaked over his shoulder. "It's Disaster. She's been shot," he mumbled around the mask, before letting it drop to the floor.

"Put her down over here," Constance instructed, pointing to one of the beds. Shirk moved to do so, sitting on the edge of the bed to lay her down gently. The crew's nurse moved in and shoved Shirk out of the way, getting to work quickly.

Ace burst into the room then, running over to Shirk. "What happened, is she going to be okay?"

Shirk shook his head, mumbling "I don't know. She's really bad. She got shot by the LSPD, if them crawling all over the place said anything." "Damn bastards," Ace said, moving closer to the bed only to get shooed away by Constance. Shirk's fists clenched, and he moved towards the door before Ace's hand on his stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"Revenge," Shirk said simply, eyes blazing in anger.

"I'm going with you-"

"No," Shirk cut them off firmly. "Stay here. She needs you."

"But I can help-"

"I can do this alone! She was excited for her date with you! I asked if I could do her deliveries for her so she wouldn't have to worry about anything but getting ready, but she refused. I should've insisted harder." Ace blinked in amazement, this was the most emotion they had seen from Shirk, and the regret on the red-haired man's face sat uncomfortably in Ace's stomach. Shirk stooped down and grabbed his discarded mask, looked back at Ace, and whispered, "Protect her," before slamming it over his face and disappearing through the door.

It's not your fault, Ace thought, before turning back to Disaster.

#One Shot Fic #mine #chaos crew #freak fam #sorry not sorry #:3c #it gets worse #trust me

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princessofmerc · 2 years ago

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Ok sorry don’t know if it’s Toto that said all that stuff in amus piece but really, both George and Lewis are struggling with the car and it’s quite evident, Lewis prob less bc of his experience but really, he does struggle with that rear end quite a lot and it’s visible to anyone with eyes. That said, just say car is shit to drive (bc it’s true), but George not extracting the best from the car and still producing podiums and keeping up with Lewis is pm airing whatever bs they’re tryin to spin

I don't care what Toto says. That man gets back a right and throws it into the bin the next second. I don't trust him and I'm starting to seriously dislike him. There's a reason why I only trust Andrew Shovlin (ok there's more than one lets be honest he's my emotional comfort dilf).

The thing is: Yes, Lewis is doing better because he's been in this sport almost as long as George has been in motorsports. Lewis is incredibly talented, hard working and has proven that he is the best. George has a lot of potential and incredible talent and is so hard working (from the top3 top 3 youngsters I'd say he's the most well-rounded one despite lacking experience). George has been held to a standard that's almost impossible to fulfil. He's so hungry to learn and he's the one who expects the most from himself. Okay, he's been struggling. But he's been struggling and still ended up on the podium on two races since the summer break. The only races where he didn't drive well is where MErcedes massively fucked him up with strategy.

I don't think Toto is helping with the shit he says and when I see him it's on sight. The car is shit and a young less experienced driver is losing confidence after weeks of abuse online that goes uncommented by his team? After no one (other than Shov most of the time) thinks about even mentioning him? After everything he gets asked about is his teammate?

He's doing better in a subpar car than anyone else could be in his position. Charles would end up in the wall far more often and Max would crumble under the stress. Just to name a few,

Also incidentally: Last year in the Williams that was shittier than the Merc is by far he flourished and I wonder if the team principal that praised him made a difference.

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berjhawn · 7 years ago

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Death Ever After - Part 3 - Becoming A Stark

Warnings: Abusive families; Accidents; Death; blame game; etc

Pairings: Modern Marvel AU X Reader; Slight Richard X Reader; Bucky X Reader; Steve X Reader

Summary: Reader is a Childhood friends with the Barnes Children; Richard, Bucky, and Rebecca. A terrible accident occurs forcing the Reader to move in with her biological father. Years pass and destiny decides to play a joke on the reader. Chaos Ensues.

(A/N) This is a Modern Marvel Alternate Universe. In this universe the Barnes parents, George and Winifred are still alive. I brought in Bucky’s comic canon sister Rebecca but added an older brother named Richard. Howard and Maria Stark are also still alive along with Jarvis. Some Characters may seem OOC at time but this is an alternate reality people, shit happens. I hope you all like it.

Parts:

Part 1 - A True Hero

Part 2 - A New Life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later I was staring face to face with a tall dark-haired man with a fancy suit. “Hello Miss. (Name), I am Edwin Jarvis, Howard Starks’ butler. I have been sent to retrieve you.” He says his British accent filling my small hospital room. I stare at him for a moment taking in his proper stance and tailored suit and cock an eyebrow.

“Hello Mr. Jarvis, I am Doctor Banner; I’m (Name)’s physician.” Bruce says moving forward to offer Jarvis his hand.

“Ah yes, we spoke on the phone earlier.” Jarvis replies taking Banner’s hand and shaking it. “Mr. Stark was wondering if it would be possible for you pull her records from her birth to now. He would like it transferred to his personal physician.”

“I was hoping he could stay as my doctor.” I call out causing Jarvis to look down at me and nod slightly.

“If it’s what you wish, I will set up a meeting with Dr. Banner and Master Stark. He’ll wish to verify your capabilities himself.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jarvis.” I reply offering him a soft smile.

“You can call me Jarvis,” He adds and I nod. I feel Bruce gently pat my shoulder and I look away from them toward the exit where a fancy Rolls was waiting for me. What kind of life would I have now? Would it be any different from before? It would be in a way that I would now have more money than I could ever spend in a lifetime; but what good was that when people looked at you like a bastard child. I let out a heavy sigh as I reach up and unconsciously start to rub the key.

“(Name)?” I hear a familiar voice say my name and I gulp down a breath of air. I didn’t need this anymore. I wanted to get as far from here as possible.

“Jarvis, I think I’m ready to go.” I say as I start to push my wheels forward making my arm scream out in pain.

“Ah, yes, you must be tired. I will be in touch Doctor.” Jarvis says walking around to grab the handles and push me towards the exit.

“Wait!” I hear her call after us and I clench my eyes closed. “(Name) please, I want to give you something.”

“Hold on,” I say against my better judgement. “Rebecca, I don’t want to take anything more from you.”

“You didn’t take anything from me.” She pauses to kneel in front of me. “And this,” she slides an envelope into my hand and I cock an eyebrow at her in shock. “This is the last thing of Richard I could find.”

“Then that’s even more reason to keep it.” I say trying to hand it back to her.

“No, he would have wanted you to have it.” She bites her lip to keep the tears at bay before she continues, “I don’t know where you’re going but please don’t disappear. I can’t lose you along with him.” She buries her face in my lap and I reluctantly reach out to gently smooth her hair back.

“Bucky will kill me if I try to talk to you.” I say gripping tightly to the envelope. “But I will try. I promise.”

“Thank you (name).” Rebecca says and I feel my heart clench.

“I have to go now, I’ll be in touch. I promise.” I say as fight the tears that threatened to fall.

“Ah yes, shall we be off Miss.” Jarvis says and I nod. Gently patting Rebecca’s shoulder, she stands up and looks from me to Jarvis.

“Where are you taking her?”

“I’m going to my fathers.” I say making her eyes widen. “Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to know where I am. Not that they’d care anyway.” I said that last part more to myself that to her.

“Take care of her.” Rebecca says making Jarvis smile as he replies, “Of course miss.”

“Goodbye Rebecca,” I say as Jarvis pushes me past her and to the Rolls. When we reach it, I push myself up out of the chair a wince escaping my lips causing Jarvis to instantly reach out and support me.

“Let me help you,” He offers and I nod letting him help me into the car. I glance back to see Bruce consoling Rebecca and I quickly look away. Rebecca might hate me for it, but it would be better for her to just forget me. Once I am situated in the car Jarvis closes the door behind me and heads to the driver’s seat.

“You’re driving?” I ask sudden memories of the last time I was in a car flashing through my head making my heart race?

“I am. Fear not, I am very cautious behind the wheel. You are precious cargo, I would never drive recklessly with you in the car.”

“So, you admit to driving recklessly?” I ask cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Only when young master Stark has forgotten his homework.”

“Young master?” I ask confusion filling my face. “Howard has another child?”

“He does, his name is Anthony.” Jarvis replies as he pulls out of the hospital parking lot and out into the street.

“Is he older or younger than me?” I ask thinking about how my mom might have been Howard’s mistress.

“Older, by at least a few years.” Jarvis replies and my mind starts to race at the possibilities of what was awaiting me. “If you are worrying about what I believe you are, you shouldn’t.”

“And why is that?” I ask as I try to calm my nerves.

“Madame Stark was aware of Master Stark’s secret rendezvous with your mother. She bears neither you nor your mother any ill will.”

“She must be some sort of saint then, because I don’t think I could forgive my husband for cheating.”

“It wasn’t really cheating.” Jarvis says and I cock an eyebrow at him.

“He slept with a woman that wasn’t his wife, that to me is cheating.”

“Master Stark knew your mother before he met his wife. They had an on and off relationship for years, that was until she married your stepfather. Master Stark never understood why she disappeared from his side, but now that we know she was pregnant with you it makes sense.”

“She didn’t want to ruin his family.” I say reaching up to gently rub the key at my neck.

“If I may ask, what is that around your neck?” Jarvis asks and I grip tightly to it.

“It’s the last thing he gave me.” I say before I remember the envelope in my other hand.

“Your friend?” He asks and I nod.

“Yeah,” I say as I slowly open the envelope to see a small stack of photos. My breath catches as I slip the photos out to see pictures of Me and Richard smiling happily together. As I go through them the tears pour from my eyes. I continue to look through them until I find one of us all when we were children. My mother was in it. I didn’t have many pictures left of her since Earl destroyed everything of hers after she died. My breath catches as I see her holding both Bucky and I in her arms a bright smile filling her face.

“If you’d like, we can send someone out for some frames for your photos.” Jarvis asks and I nod.

“Thank you,” I reply wiping my eyes dry before I slip the pictures back into the envelope so I wouldn’t damage them. We continue the rest of the way to Stark Manor making small talk as he gave me what information I would need to live with my father and his family. When we arrived, I was surprised to see people standing outside waiting for us. “What’s going on?”

“They are here to welcome you.” Jarvis replies and I reach up to grip tightly to Richards necklace. “It’s alright to be nervous you are entering a new life.”

“Thank you, Jarvis; but you made me feel even more nervous.” I add and he smirks.

“My apologies miss.” He replies and his smile helps calm my nerves.

As the Rolls comes to a complete stop an older man comes to the door and opening it he offers his hand to me and I stare at it for a moment before I take it and let him pull me from the car to sit in a rather fancy electronic wheelchair. I look around at the maids and retainers and suddenly feel very out of place. I am about to change my mind and get back into the car when the older man kneels in front of me. As his whiskey colored eyes meet mine it doesn’t take me long to realize this man was my father.

“Hello (Name), My name is Howard Stark.” He says taking my hand in his. His eyes glance to the bruises on my arm and he gulps down a breath of air.

“Howard, don’t hog the girl,” A woman with blonde hair pulled back into a sophisticated bun says as she moves closer to kneel next to him. “Hello (Name), I’m Maria. Welcome to our home.” She adds gently patting my hand before she reaches up to move a strand of hair from my face. “Why don’t we take you inside and help you get settled?” Maria asks and I nod. “Molly? Can you help Jarvis with her bags?”

“I don’t have any.” I say as I grip tight to the envelope in my hands.

“Oh, then we’ll have to go shopping once you’re better to get you some new clothes.” She adds a smile covering her face. Was this what a mother was like? I look around for my brother and Maria catching my intention says, “Don’t worry about Anthony, he’s usually locked up in his room working on some New invention. You’ll meet him soon.”

“Okay, thank you, for letting me stay here.” I say as I resituate myself in the chair.

“You say that as if this is only temporary. Sweetheart, this is your home now. Please, make yourself comfortable.” Maria says and I look from them to the giant mansion behind them and gulp down a breath of air. “It may seem overwhelming at first, but we’ll help you through this.” She stands up and taking the back of the wheelchair starts to push me inside ignoring the fact that the chair is electrical. As she walks me through the house she tells me where everything is. I was surprised by how nice and welcoming she was.

As we reach the stairs, I am surprised by Howard instantly reaching down and lifting me up into his arms. He carries me with little effort up the stairs toward the west wing of the mansion. “Where are we going?” I ask and he smirks.

“When we learned about you, and that you were coming to live with us, Maria went a little crazy decorating your room.” Howard replies only seconds before we reach a door that I figured held my room. Howard moved slightly out of the way so that Maria could open the door. As she did I am hit with a wave of Pink. I didn’t hate to color, but I felt it was overused and was suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of it in this room. “See I told you it was too much Pink.” Howard says making me look at him in surprise.

“Well now that she’s here she can redecorate it the way she wants it. Does that sound like a good idea (Name)?” Maria asks and I nod.

“Thank you, both of you.” I say tears threatening my eyes as Howard gently sets me on my bed. It was extremely comfortable. I was suddenly lost in thought at how someone could make a bed so comfy.

“If you need anything just hit the intercom next to your bed. Jarvis will be listening in so just ask him. If you need Howard or myself just ask Jarvis and we will be right in. We’ll leave you alone for a little while so you don’t get too overwhelmed by everything.” Maria says grabbing Howards arm and giving it a tight squeeze. He nods at her before turning back to me saying, “If you need anything, just ask.”

“Thank you.” I reply as I watch them leave the room. Letting out a loud sigh I toss my head back onto my pillows and marvel on how comfortable it was here. Everyone was surprisingly nice and welcoming; but a part of my brain was screaming at me saying how it was too good to be true. I roll over onto my side to try to escape the thoughts when a person standing on my balcony staring into my room through the window catches my eye. I bolt upright earning me a wave of pain. I go to hit the intercom when the young man opens the door and walks into my room.

“So, you’re (Name)?” He asks stopping inches from my bed making me cock an eyebrow at him in confusion.

“Yes? And you are?” I ask looking him up and down.

“Tony, or you might know me as Anthony.” He replies moving over to sit on the edge of my bed.

“So, you’re my brother?” I ask and he nods. “Why were you hiding on the balcony?”

“Our balconies connect. My room’s next door. What’s up with that necklace? Does it open something special?” He rattles off questions and I clear my throat as I try to keep up.

“I don’t know what it opens, if it opens anything, it was a gift from a friend.” I reply and he nods.

“The guy that died?” He asks and I stare at him for a moment in shock.

“Yeah, and he has a name, well he had a name, anyway why are you asking me so many questions?”

“Because I don’t know you. I didn’t know I had a sister just like dad didn’t know he had a daughter till last night.”

“You’re just curious as to what kind of person I am?” I ask suddenly getting irritated.

“More or less.” He answers placing his arms over his chest.

“Okay let me give you a summarized version. Me, your little sister, grew up in a toxic environment where the only safe place was five miles down the road with the oldest son, Richard, who pretty much raised me. His family, save for his little sister, hates me and wishes I had died instead of him. They blame me for his death and honestly, I agree with them. If he had never met me he would still be alive now. It’s my fault he’s dead.”

“Oh really, how is his death your fault?” Tony asks and I stare at him dumbstruck.

“Because he came to save me that night.”

“I understand that, but did you put a gun to his head and make him come to help you? No. From what I’ve heard and read about this Richard guy, he was a grown man who decided on his own that he wanted to help and protect you. I’m certain that if he could hear you now blaming yourself he would be downright pissed off.” He pauses taking in my shocked expression. “Look, you don’t know us and becoming family in one day is impossible; but if you are willing to let me be your brother, I’m willing to let you be my little sister. What do you say?”

“I am honestly speechless.”

“Well not completely speechless, hence you just said you were speechless.” He adds making me laugh. It was the first laugh I had made since that night with Richard so it surprised me making tears fill my eyes. “Oh crap, what did I say?”

“Nothing, it’s me… I haven’t laughed since… anyway, it just surprised me. I’ll be fine. Thanks Tony.” I say making him smile.

“What are brothers for?” he replies and I smile at him again.

Will Continue In -

Tags:

@learisa

#berjhawn #Death Ever After #fanfiction #modern marvel au x reader #marvel x reader #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes #fanficton #marvel fanfiction #alternate universe #modern alternate universe #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #Steve Rogers #tony stark #howard stark

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laurenthelunatic · 7 years ago

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no rest for the wicked

x1 How often are you optimistic? I’m a very cynical person that only tends to be optimistic when i’m surrounded by negativity. x2 Would you say your thoughts are generally rational and logical or irrational and illogical? mostly irrational with a logical perspective x3 Tell an interesting fact about your favorite country? it’s inhabitants are sometimes referred to as kiwi’s x4 Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? my flesh, the tattoo on my right ankle is a permanent reminder of how much of an impact my dad made on my life. x5 Are you the type to pay attention to detail? most of the time, unless it’s pop culture related gossip. then I could give 2 shits

x6 To you, what is especially distracting? my ridiculous libido. x7 What are some things that are important in your life right now? My mental health, my career path, and family. that’s about it. x8 When was the last time you did some major cleaning? the last time I found some coke hidden my couch cushions. Made the entire apartment look like we just moved in! x9 Have you ever thrown anything away, and regretted it later? Nope. x10 Are you the type to regret things, or live and learn? I have no conscious left that can regret, I just live. and only tend to learn from my mistakes when they affect other people. x11 How often do you feel like you need time to yourself? All the time. I prefer my solitude over most company. If you’re special, I can make an exception. x12 Do you like being around other people? Why is this? only certain eccentric people that don’t drain the life out of me, because I’m strange like that. x13 Do you feel like anyone “gets” you? Who? less than 5 people understand how fucked up I can be and still choose not to judge me. While no one of this planet will ever know me 100% x14 What would you be most likely to do with a friend, today? I feel like doing something crafty with someone later on today, if not maybe take my pup to the greenbelt. x15 When are you most likely to be crabby? whenever god is laughing while shining a magnify glass over me like a ant or when I haven’t gotten laid in a few days. lol x16 How about upbeat and cheerful? Whenever something spontaneously good happens to me for no reason or after I’ve had multiple orgasms. lol x17 Who challenges you the most? In what way? My boyfriend challenges my patience every fucking day. lucky for him I can’t walk away from a challenge x18 Who seems to hold you back? In what way? Myself, I’m my own worst enemy. x19 What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? byob putt-putt golf last night, because I was already too wastey face. x20 Would you rather have a quiet day at home, or be on the go? Depends on the day tbh. The weather and how I’m feeling. x21 Do you think you made a good impression on the last person you met? like the newest person that took an interest in becoming my friend? lol I left the shitty impression of a tease that will never be achieved. but we’re still cool. x22 How do you feel about people who neglect their pets? I can’t stand those people, especially people who put their dogs in crates while they’re not home. fuck you! you shouldn’t be a pet owner if you’re not going to treat them like family… x23 Should there be an application process for having children? YES! If I were in charge of our country, your IQ would determine whether or not you’d be aloud to breed. & all unwanted children would serve a purpose in one of our brainwashed battalions that will cease anyone who opposes this idea. x24 Are you able to ask for help when you need it? haha, Not anymore. I try to solve my own problems or just accept life for the way it is when nothing else can be done. x25 How intense is your anger? Have you ever hurt anyone/yourself? I try to walk away and mediate until I cool off. while I only loose control and get alil violent if someone else strikes me first. x26 What is something red that you like to eat? Strawberries x27 Do you like to read? Whats the last book you read? YES! last book I finished was this romance novel called Lolita, while I’m currently reading a famous ancient roman novel called The Golden Ass x28 If someone drinks, would that lower your opinion of that person? no, i’m actually disappointed when someone is going through a dry spell. because drinking is one of my favorite past times. x29 What if they did drugs? Depends on what kind. I’m okay with most, except meth, heroin, & pill reliant addicts. x30 Do you know anyone who is abusive? Are you abusive? oh yeah, I can be verbally abusive. & yes I have a hair trigger for any sort physical abuse that gets out of hand…while I much rather always take matters into my own hands, than ever ask for anyone’s help or sympathy. x31 Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? In my mind x32 What is your favorite philosphy? Do we truly have free will or are our lives pre-written and determined by a universal force of nature. x33 Who do you know that gives very sound advice? there was only one person I used to ask for sound advice but he’s gone now. now I just ask for a variety perspectives and out weigh my options. x34 What do you think makes a person weak? testing the vulnerability of their fears and desires x35 What makes a person strong? The will to focus and not be affected by those who test what makes them weak. x37 Name five things that you think defines you as a person? nerdy charming horny cynical asshole x38 Who do you go to when you need comfort? My boyfriend and when he’s no help, I resort to a hammock in the woods. x39 Is there anyone/thing with whom/which you like to cuddle? my man child or my close friends. x40 Do nightmares still bother you? I don’t have nightmares anymore. I am the nightmare! x41 At what age did you start to feel like a teen, and not a kid anymore? 11 x42 Are you or were you in a hurry to grow up? I was, I wanted a drivers license at 9 so I could finally see the world on my own. but now I wish I could just back to learning something new in school every day as my main priority. x43 What is a fear you have about living on your own? Having no one around to physically share my interests with x44 Do you want any children? Eventually. I’d rather have a flexible trade to support them with, first. x45 Name one person that completely fascinates you? George Carlin x46 Are you afraid of death? No, i’m not afraid of the unknown. I’m more afraid of disappointing those I leave behind too early.

#personal #time waster

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ieatpenniesformythoughts · 5 years ago

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10/10/19

Today Facebook decided to so kindly remind me that it would have been my 4 year wedding anniversary with Nicole. I'm not really okay at all. I keep thinking about that day and just so many emotions keep flooding in, mostly sadness and anger. I really want to destroy something. I want to chuck everything on my desk out a fucking window and then jump out after it. I want to get black out drunk. I want write her a msg and scream at her for all the damage she has caused to me.

My wedding day was a fucking joke. It was pretty much ruined before it even had a chance to start. Two days before we went down to st george I had a massive anxiety melt down because our car broke down and we had to figure out a rental. Nicole threatened to walk out on me and in response I locked myself in our bathroom and tried to cut myself. She was more concerned about scars showing up in pictures then the fact that I was so anxious and depressed that I was harming myself in a way that wasnt even patternistic for my regular depression. She didnt leave though and we still went on with our plans. We showed up to st George the night before and the moment we arrive Lori is being a fucking child. We didnt show up early enough for her liking. She needed our help picking out on of the dresses she already had but she ended up gaining a bunch of weight in the last couple of months. She had only one dress that fit and it was a wiggle dress with a skull pattern. I thought it was cute but she threw a huge fit about it because she thought she would be able to fit in something nicer and was extremely concerned about my mother judging her. She was bitching all night about the fact that she kept waiting to buy a hotel room, hoping for a deal, and she waited so long she had to book rooms right after the prices got hiked up. I go to bed extremely anxious and already hopeless.

The next day we drive the 2 hours into vegas. We take mine and Nicole's rental and darren takes his bike. I'm driving of course because it has to be either nicole or I which means the responsibility falls on me. We decide to just get the marriage certification done and over with first thing. The courthouse is obviously unfamiliar to me and not the easiest thing to find let alone find parking as well. Nicole keeps getting pissed at me for suggesting we park farther away at a more convenient location off the street and just walk over there. I finally find a close parking spot but in my frustration I end up scraping the side of the car on a high curb and it leaves a definite large scratch. Cue the berating for the bill we would receive for repairs. After we get the license we check into the hotel. I get up to our room and smoke some of the green I snuck in. I start to get ready and I'm the first one to be ready for the wedding. By this time most of my family show up. My own mother is stressed to hell so I go to her room and do hers, Sam's, and Andy's hair. I get andy done first and he takes nicole, my dad, my brother, and my sisters boyfriend at the time to go get drinks at the bar. I help alex get checked into his room and then have to deal with Nicole's mother bitching to me about my own family. I do my best to ignore it while I'm checking on the limo, the venue, the dinner reservations, etc etc.

Andy and crew come back to mine and Nicole's hotel room. I'm then taking pictures. Giving people details. Making sure we have everyone and that I'm keeping track of them all. Limo arrives and we go to the venue. I'm checking us in and getting everything ready while everyone waits. Finally nicole and I get pulled away and our guests are taken to their seats. My parents are still in the stage of not getting along in the slightest so they take both sides which pisses off Nicole's mom. The ceremony happens but of course the live stream I paid extra for didnt work so no one back home got to watch it. Never got a refund for it. We go to dinner at an italian restaurant nicole and I had really enjoyed the last time we went to vegas. Unfortunately I assumed they would split the bill but they refuse to do so. I suggest finding somewhere else or putting it all on my credit card. Nobody listens to me and the start of the arguments happen. Andy wants to order a well balanced meal but darren is refuses to eat anything green. Sam's boyfriend has a tomato allergy which we were never informed of so he straight up makes a point to say he isnt going to eat or pay for anything. This pisses off my dad enough to instigate a fight with him. Darren and lori end up moving to the other side of the table to get away from Andy. They're not willing to pay for anything either. Finally my dad and andy decide to split the bill between them. 2 hours go by and the whole time I just want to go back to my hotel room and cry my eyes out. Dinner was delicious but I couldn't enjoy it in the slightest. My poor mother is making her best efforts to keep me happy and I'm pretending that I dont want to die inside. We make plans after dinner to go to Fremont street and drink with my dad, ben, lori, and darren.

Nicole and I go get changed at our room and I smoke a bowl before we head out again. Nicole's parents ended up falling asleep in their room and lori was pissed at us later because we didnt come get them. We got out onto fremont street and my dad and brother get pretty shit faced. Couple hours they're drunk enough to bail on us and go to a strip club. To Nicole's credit she did make love to me that night. I remember wanting it and wanting her at the time but looking back I dont think I was really that into it. It felt more like I was happy about it because she did that one thing for me when she didnt have to because a lot of people said that I shouldnt plan on getting laid on my wedding night. Even just comparing that to the way I truly just want driver to touch me so intensely, it pales in comparison. Thinking back on it, I don't think I was ever the mewling slut with nicole that i am with driver. Yeah of course i would want it but i stopped getting excited. It felt more like something I was doing in desperation to be closer to her. I think the only time I was anything close to how I am with driver is when we were still living in my apartment. I learned to stop asking for it because that would only make it less likely to happen. I was totally fine with not getting enough orgasms to be fully satisfied which I still am but with her came extra shame of being too much work for somebody to even attempt. Which is definitely why we came to the agreement to even be poly. She would shame me about enjoying it too much because I'd squirt and she couldn't stand any of the mess it made. Was particularly mean when I couldn't warn her that it was going to happen. She started refusing to fuck me in the bed very early into our relationship and only wanted to fuck me in the shower. Driver is the first person I've had a healthy sexual relationship with and I got so lucky that he's so good at it at the same time. I feel so fucking bad all of the time for getting so excited about wanting him to make love to me. I feel like I ask too much and I'm just like waiting for him to get sick of it. For him to get sick of touching me or get mad at me for even asking or trying it initiating or anything. I still try to do those things though. Drivers told me that those things dont bother him but I'm still scared and I still dont trust it in the slightest. Conner did the same thing to me. He made me feel ashamed for making messes. He stopped fucking me and I only ever really fucked him. Made me feel like I was too much work so it wasnt worth trying. Honestly conner and nicole are pretty similar in a lot of ways. Both of them got physically abusive with me. Both of them raped me. Both of them manipulated and controlled me. Both of them let me do everything. Now I'm so worried that it's all me. That I'm the bad one because I had two very similar experiences and I could be the one that's causing these issues. Maybe I'm crazy and it's all an illusion. Maybe I'm the selfish and narcissistic one. Maybe I'm projecting. Maybe I do start fights and I scream at people for no reason and and and and and and and.

But I digress

Nicole and I had like 2 more weeks off to spend together as newly weds. We went to see the book of mormon the next day and would be spending the next 2 days after with her mother in st george. Her mom found out that we had extra time and basically threw a tantrum about us staying at her place longer because we didn't come see her as often as she liked. I had a panic meltdown in our room that night and begged nicole to tell her mother no. I was uncomfortable and unhappy enough as it was. She called me selfish that i wasnt willing to do it. I tried to compromise and give her mom one or two more days but she just kept berating me for having an issue. I just remember sobbing at her moms house on the floor the next day while everyone was gone and nicole was pissed and screaming at me for having another meltdown. That's when she got a call from her cousin in tooele informing her that her paternal grandfather was actively dying. We packed our bags and started driving towards tooele. We got there that night luckily because that was the last night he was coherent enough to interact with anyone. I went home the next day and nicole stayed. I had never met this side of the family before and felt like I was intruding on a very private time. I spent the week by myself and the week after helping with the funeral. I cried myself to sleep by myself those nights.

I know that getting married again won't be like that. I know when I finally get to call myself drivers spouse that it will be a happy day. Even if nothing goes as planned I will still just be so so happy. I dont need all the fancy bells and whistles. Hell I could get married in vegas again. I could get married at the court house. What upset me about marrying nicole was the complete lack of concern about my happiness from multiple people. Nicole started suggesting we have another ceremony at home to make up for it. She really started pushing for it when we moved to tooele but I kept putting it off. I didnt want to go through all that labor again and I wasn't so sure about binding my soul to hers with a hand fasting anymore. I think she only started insisting because she knew on some level that I was super unhappy. I'm so glad I'm not celebrating with her today. I'm so fucking happy I'm away from her. My anxiety keeps thinking that shes the one im waiting for to come home. But no, I'm waiting for the love of my life. I'm waiting for driver to come home and take me into his arms. I'm waiting for the gentle touches, soft kisses, kind words. I dont prefer being alone anymore. Skipping work is not near as enjoyable as it used to be. Being home alone is definitely not my preference any longer. @dsxsquaredx

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