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#why is allen standing like that..
jrueships · 1 year
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nevermind yall. forget ALL my criticisms. this movie got vince staples in cute lil shorts??
T E I N !! (10) Keith Lee declaration of glee with the hands in the air !!
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why are they the only ones all flared like that lol it's so cute <3 n his pretty shoes too omg!! babygirl!!
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tacagen · 3 months
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
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((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
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but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
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(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
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#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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qlala · 11 months
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so i think the best way to do a coldflash au of the greatest musical of our time, mamma mia, would be—yes i’m aware it’s 3 a.m., why do you ask—
anyway, the best way to do it would be like, a morbid dark comedy take on it where barry’s not trying to find his father, he’s trying to find the person who framed his father. for his mother’s murder. so he’s like ‘okay i’ve reviewed all the case notes, and i’ve narrowed it down to these three men. also, unrelated, iris and eddie, you don’t mind if i invite three people to your wedding last-minute, right?’
and the three men can be like, harrison wells, eobard thawne, and of course, leonard snart
and barry has sophie’s protagonist attitude of “i’ll just know which one it is when i see him,” except obviously, he doesn’t. harrison wells is an asshole, eobard thawne is a creepy asshole, and leonard snart is… flirting with him?
(i have zero notes on the “does your mother know that you’re out” scene from the mamma mia! movie. just do that again, but angrier, because barry isn’t sure if len is taunting him over his mother’s death or just poking fun at their age gap. but it should be exactly as horny)
len would be the first to catch on to what’s going on, because he knows doc allen from iron heights and puts it together, and he would be impressed at what a ballsy idea it was if he wasn’t too busy being mad at barry for what a stupid fucking idea it was instead, inviting the man who killed his mother to a wedding he’s in, to what? give him a shot at slitting barry’s throat in his sleep next?
if that happens, iris will probably cancel this wedding that len fully intends on crashing, so naturally his only option is to follow around iris’s very stupid, very cute best man for the next three days, just to keep him from getting murdered by whichever of the other two men did kill his mother. and, since that includes the previously-mentioned threat of barry getting killed in his sleep, well… he’ll just have to talk his way into barry’s bed so he can keep an eye on him overnight, too
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thewhizzyhead · 1 year
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I know the reunion concert was literally just 2 days ago but my bros my guys my dudes I miss WATT so so much and I really do want this show Actually Revived because I miss my cheerleaders, pma's stories and music are fucking great and I wanna hear more, watt has so much room for improvement, and I wanna see watt thrive aaaaaaaa
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mer-birdman · 1 year
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hi i’m bored does anyone wanna talk about d gray man
#i reread the manga over the weekend#still need to watch hallow sometime#having some interesting feelings about the like. religious source material (now that i am 1. older and 2. know more abt jewish history)#but also like it’s neat i’m vibing i like these fucked up clerics#the brainworms are having a Time abt link as of the current arc and i cannot for the life of me put into words why#i love his vibes but also i’m like. WHY the loyalty to rip-off hitler predecessor#where is this going hoshino#what is the DEAL#also damn where is lavi huh??? boy’s milk carton worthy at this rate#also johnny is the best boy actually fight me about it#he’s the true power of friendship /hj#OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THE SERIES COMMENTARY HERE ON XTIANITY AND JUDAISM AND JUST. WHAT. WHAT IS GOING ON#like the entire black order’s regalia is so xtian but they never mention jesus like once????#i want to pick apart the religious worldbuilding in this setting So Bad#also i would die for miranda lotto fyi she’s wonderful and i adore her#the true mid-twenties experience trust me i’m 25 i can say that now#also GOD allen rly is just like. Baby.#like it’s a great way to set him apart from everyone but like. dang even the other teens are all 2-3 years older than him???#unless lenalee’s 16 i can’t remember BUT MY POINT STANDS LIKE#UNTIL TIMOTHY SHOWS UP ALLEN IS /DISTINCTLY/ THE YOUNGEST PERSON THERE#and idk why but that strikes me as such an interesting choice#… anyways does anyone wanna chat i’m bored and my discord friends are asleep
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ironmanstan · 2 years
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I cannot read people actually talking ab american psycho bc anyone actually invested into it has a 75% chance of subscribing to like 2 of the three readings of it that are wrong
#i deleted one of them out of my head but the whole ooiuhhohi he doesnt actually kill people paul allen is alive hes hallucinatinggg#the whole thing is a commentary on how the peak of the 'american dream' requires you to fill a mold society expects#kill all individuality. deny age for the sake of youth. ignore horrific actions to maintain the status quo.#batemans whole character IN THE MOVIE is him like very much living in a hell of doing these things not bc its innate#but because he sees these things as what society expects and thus he should aspire and want for them#he doesnt kill paul bc he wants or needs more money or even that he feels threatened. hes comfortable#its entirely hes so so caught up in society and the ideals pushed by that society that he overly acts to achieve them as much as possible#so he kills him bc he recognizes hes doing better than him#the paul allen is alive thing is to hit home a point on this#bc the whole movie everyone treats bateman like hes crazy and cares way too much#and then paul being 'alive' hits that home extra bc he IS caring too much. bc everyone is so numb to whats going on around them#they dont even realize they havent seen paul. they mix up people throughout the movie constantly even tho supposedly theyre close?#its bc everyone looks the same to them . nobody stands out and they all fit this same mold. theyre all the same person#bateman realizes everything hes done 1. doesnt matter bc nobody cares and 2. it never will matter and he could snap and it wouldnt matter#bc nobody would notice or care in their society blind to each other#even then the only person who genuinely ever sees him for the monster he is is the hooker he chases in those few scenes wjth her#anyway#idk why it makes me mad it just does#the gamer speaks uwu#also the directors or somethjng said hes actually for real killing people so.
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bookshelf-dust · 3 months
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promise to take care of my heart
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carmy berzatto x fem!reader
gif by @emziess
word count: 1,830
warnings: nothing? a little swearing, but this is pure fluff and that’s all
synopsis: carmy wants to cuddle with you for the first time.
a/n: hi! new character, i know. but i’ve become rather attached to carm in the past few months and i had a cute idea for him and here we are. he’s bringing me so much comfort right now and now i’m gonna share that with you <333
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“Why don’t you pick out a movie or somethin,’ bub?” 
“If I could find your damn remote, Carm, I would.”
He lets out a breath of a laugh, eyes on his hands where they sit deep in the dishwater below. Good luck, he thinks. 
You scan the coffee table, the rug below the shabby couch. It’s not like there’s any use checking the tv stand because it’s still a fucking table tray. You know he doesn’t even own the full set of four table trays? He’s just got the one? That knowledge keeps you up at night. Just like how he doesn’t have a ceiling fan pull and has to get tweezers to change the speed.
You find the remote nestled in a stack of freshly organized books. You helped Carmen assemble a very simple bookshelf so that his stash of cookbooks wouldn’t have to live on the floor anymore. 
Just getting to help him turn his apartment into something other than a place to sleep brought you a contagious giddiness. Carmen’s chest aches with how much he’s laughed since he met you. 
Look at all my muscles, Carm. I’m practically ready for my dick now, don’t you think? 
Where’d you even get these? He’d looked down at the little allen wrench in your hand and said I don’t know, they were just here one day. 
Now you have a bookshelf, Bear. What a grown up. 
Carmen wouldn’t let you help him with the dishes after he cooked you dinner. He’d just kissed your shoulder and said, “Let me take care of it, alright?” with that little raise of his brows and quirk of his lips telling you not to argue because you’d never win. 
And when Carmen tells you to let him take care of something, well…you listen. 
You haven’t been dating very long, but it’s been enough that you’ve both developed this rhythm, this way of moving around and with each other and you just…work. 
He doesn’t understand how you can dial his shyness, his hesitance, so quickly, how you can make him feel like a human again so easily. But you do. 
You settle against the back of the couch, flipping through the tv guide (because Carm has never subscribed to any streaming services) until you find something worth listening to. It’s already a few minutes in, but you’ve seen the movie enough times that it doesn’t really matter. 
The overhead light in the kitchen switches off and Carmen pads out to the living room, socked feet dragging on the hardwoods. Your biggest pet peeve is people who don’t pick up their feet, but somehow it’s more tolerable when it’s him. 
He sits down on the edge of the couch. Just sits. On the edge. That means he wants to say something. You give him the time to psych himself up. 
Carmy chews on his thumb nail and rubs his nose before he turns to you, placing his hand on the couch. His blue eyes burn into yours, and the intensity of his gaze, trained on you, makes you feel like the most important person in the world. 
“H-hey, um…can we—could we snuggle, maybe?” He flushes at the fact that he just used the world snuggle. Richie would have his ass so quick if he’d heard him say that. 
Your grin is brilliant. You’ve never cuddled properly with Carmen before. Maybe a head on a shoulder or a leg tossed across another, but never a real cuddle session. “Fuck yeah, we can, Carm.” You giggle and the sound softens that bubble of fear in his chest. 
He bites the inside of his cheek, letting out the barest laugh. 
“How did you want t-to lay, Bear?” You blink at him. “Were you just gonna—” 
He starts to nod. “I was just gonna lay on your chest, honestly.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, that works.”
“Y-yeah.”
You snort. “Lemme’ stretch out for you and then you can be a teddy bear.” 
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” Carmen shakes his head at you. He lets you pull that shit because he likes it. Secretly.
When you have a pillow under your neck and are laid out on your back, Carm slips beside you against the back of the couch and clumsily settles on top of you. He doesn’t want to crush you or anything, so he settles between your legs, only allowing the weight of his torso to envelop you. 
One arm wraps around your back, the other cradling your hip, his curls brushing your chin. He turns his head to face the tv and lets out a satisfied sigh. 
On instinct your hand threads through his tangled hair, scratching at his scalp gently and sorting through any piece that feels knotted. 
“What is this?” Carmy asks, nodding in the direction of the screen. 
“The Wedding Planner. It has Jlo and Matthew McConaughey in it.” 
“Chick flick?”
You hum in agreeance. “Yeah, but you wouldn’t hate it. Jlo’s character is like you but if the restaurant was a wedding planning business and you were, you know, a chick.”
He laughs lightly against your stomach and you can feel the puff of air over your shirt. 
The weight of Carmen’s body on top of yours is easily the most calming feeling you’ve ever experienced. You can’t get enough of him. 
“This okay?” you ask, scratching his scalp a little more for emphasis. This is a new way of showing affection. Uncharted territory. 
“Hm?” He looks up at you briefly, blue eyes fluttering closed. “Oh yeah, feels nice. I like it.”
You grin and continue to play with his hair. He’s right. It does feel nice. It is. 
The next few minutes go by without any conversation, just silence. But it’s so comfortable. Carmen’s tired gaze is on the tv. You can feel him breathing, feel the way he scratches over your back absently. You don’t know if he’s aware he does it, but he nuzzles his nose against the soft of your stomach every now and then like it’s keeping him safe. 
“You know I thought about being a wedding planner?”
Carmy pushes up onto his elbows, looking at you with the smallest smirk playing on his lips. “Really?”
You playfully bat at his shoulder and he moves to lay back down, but not before pressing a kiss to your sternum over your shirt. “Mhm. Still think about it sometimes.” You pause, but Carm doesn’t say anything yet because he knows you aren’t finished with that thought. 
“I guess I just thought it’d be nice to help put things like that together? The organization would make me feel…complete, I guess. And you know I don’t like to help people in such an extroverted way? I like to be behind the scenes.” You laugh, a little self-deprecatingly. “Does that make sense?”
Carmen squeezes your side. “‘Course it does. And then you could come home and tell me stories about all the family drama you eavesdrop on.”
You giggle, and Carmy loves that he can feel it where he lays on your chest. He can feel your joy, and that’s fucking cool. “That I could.”
He rubs your back in small, gentle circles. “And you know, I happen to have some friends who make pretty good food and would be happy to help if you ever needed.”
“Oh, do you? Well, that’s very helpful, Mr. Berzatto. You’ll have to give me their number.”
Carmy laughs into your chest. A pure, genuine laugh. It’s such a beautiful sound, and you truly think you’d have it tattooed all over your body if that was even remotely possible. His glee makes you laugh, and then you’re both snickering like you’re teenagers doing something that’ll get you in big trouble. 
You reach for his hand, the one that’s resting on your hip now, and he lets you lift it towards your face. He bites his cheek, fighting the smile that rises when you press your warm and chapstick covered lips to his knuckles. 
“You have such pretty hands, Carmy.”
He pinches your back. “I still don’t get why you’re so fascinated by them.”
“Because they’re pretty. And, look—” You hold yours up to his. “—they’re so much bigger than mine. And I like your tattoos, obviously. I like that I know how talented you are with your hands and how capable. I’m very lucky to hold such capable hands, Bear.”
“Capable, huh?” He gives you a look, one that makes you want to both tackle him and smack him on the arm. Instead you roll your eyes and he raises up to kiss you. 
“Capable of being the world’s biggest pain in the ass.”
Carmy laughs. It’s that little chuckle, light and airy and like he can’t believe what he’s hearing but he wants to hear more anyway. He flops back down on your chest, making you let out a rather loud oomph. 
You take Carmen’s hand in yours again, rubbing over the dry patches on his knuckles, the scabs on the insides of his fingers, the scar on his palm. His whole life is written in these hands. 
You start massaging the pads of his fingers without even thinking about it. No one’s ever been that gentle with him—definitely not with his hands—and a little part of him melts at the feeling. 
You kiss the tattoo on the back of his hand and just look at his skin. You’re determined to memorize each line and freckle and fucked up cuticle he’s got. 
“At least your nails don’t look like Richie’s, Carm.”
His chest moves with the giggle that travels throughout his body. 
“Trust me, they didn’t look like that when he was still with Tiff.”
You grin, your eyes falling back on the television. Maybe Carm would be open to setting it on the bookshelf? That table tray has put in a lot of work. It deserves a break. 
Carmen can see why you’re so fond of this movie. It’s one of those that doesn’t require much thought, that has humor and feels more human than most. He knows he shouldn’t think it, but you having said what you said before makes him wonder if you’ll plan your own wedding…with him. 
Shut the fuck up, he tells himself. But maybe we’ll get there. 
You catch him smiling when they fuck up the statue in the garden and pretend not to notice. You both keep quiet now, but Carm reaches up and puts your hand back on his head.
Your fingers thread through his curls again, scratching at his scalp gently. Your other hand does the same thing to his back. You know it’s going to lull him to sleep. 
When you say it, he’s already dozed off. But you are so happy that you get to make him feel safe. That he’s comfortable enough to sleep on you like this. Lucky is an understatement. 
“Thank you for letting me in, Bear. I don’t think my life has ever been this beautiful.”
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please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33
note: none of the gifs or images i use are mine! i get most of my images from pinterest or here, and gifs from about the same. please let me know if i ever don’t credit someone properly!
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snakeredbirdbatkatana · 10 months
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Bruce loves his kids, even when they eat all his food , crash his cars, sneak metahumans into his city, hell they make out with random redheads in his Batmobile and he still loves them.
But his house is literally on fire and he is struggling to remember why he got children like there must be a way to return them he's begging any god for help at this point.
His wonderful children standing in front of him yelling screaming and fighting while his couch is on fire and for just one second he wishes he could go back in time and decide nope celibacy and no circus.
He's tired he's a vigilante he has twenty kids Alfred is on vacation and maybe this is why he opens his mouth. Which he would later realize was a mistake and utters these words.
I shouldn't have gone to that damn Circus
A
PIN
DROP
His eldest who was trying to pull apart his younger brother's turns tears already pooling in his eyes.
You regret me?
He sees his other children turn looks that would have killed him if he wasn't Batman. Jason's hand already on his holster. Knife in Damian's and Tim's bowstaff is out.
He rushes to his eldest Sweetheart no never I was joking I would do it a thousand Times over. No Dickie No.
Suddenly his children run faster than Barry god damn Allen. A smirk on Dicks face as he dashes.
Seriously B how do you always fall for that.
He should have Gone to Therapy
Shit the couch is still on fire
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jrueships · 2 years
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no reason for this
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Hello Can I request Pickles with a s/o who's from the same time era as him? Reader was bring back to life like Pickles and is a little more evoluted than him. They scientists made them meet, but reader is not interested in Pickles, ignoring him completely.
Thanks!
Yes you can! Imagine being unthawed centuries later from your frozen prison to come face to face with this giant smelly man?
Yandere Baki Head Canons
Pickle with a prehistoric S/O
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Pickle
The scientist found you a few hours after they found Pickle. You were also encased in salt but instead of punching a t-Rex, you were holding onto the head of a Pterodactyl. Your head resting against theirs as if you had accepted your death.
You had pieces of various gemstones and dried plants braided into your hair, you wore clothes (made of fur), and even had a few weapons unlike Pickle. The scientists were fascinated by you. You must be one of the first humans!
The scientists accidentally revived the two of you. Allen had woken Pickle up by cooking T-Rex while you had woken up from Allen’s screams. You ran to Allen’s rescue and was surprised to see Pickle, the Neanderthal you constantly clashed with back during your time in the world standing above a helpless creature
Pickle and you circled each other for a long time. Pickle attempted to reach out to touch you but you pushed him away. Pickle was happy to see you but you wanted nothing to do with him even in this era
Your tried to walk away from Pickle but he followed you. The caveman grunted and cooed at you since he was so surprised by his surroundings.
Pickle eventually broke down a wall to escape but the two of you were surrounded by flashing lights. You remained away from Pickle for a bit but eventually relented (he kept giving you puppy eyes)
Pickle was thrilled when you sat beside him. He smugly wrapped an arm around you. His golden eyes scanned the humans for any challenges to trying to take you from him but none came forward. Except for the hairy old man who offered his hand to Pickle
Pickle refused to leave until you went with him. He would not keep his hands off of you for the entirety of the trip. Pickle would whine if you didn’t stay close to him. You were the only one he knew
The two of you eventually sit in the enclosure together. Pickle playing with your braids while you remain indifferent. You felt stuck with him and you were positive there wasn’t any creature strong enough to beat Pickle
And as the fighters came to challenge him, you still remained indifferent. You had no interest in this modern world nor did you have an interest in fighting. You had hoped to have perished alongside your pterodactyl companion when the plates shifted but here you were with Pickle
And he wouldn’t let you go. The Neanderthal constantly showed off his victories to you and even some animals he hunted but you had no interest in any of it. If Pickle could think, which you doubted, he’d know that you were an herbivore. You were naturally peaceful compared to him but would fight if you had to (which one of the guards found out when they tried to touch you and then Pickle ate him)
Pickle wouldn’t let you out of his sight for a minute. If you even tried to walk away, he’d growl. The caveman was extremely possessive of you and you despised it. Why did you have to end up being stuck with him of all people? Why couldn’t the scientists just leave the two of you alone?
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raguiras · 18 days
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What's this?! Spade of Storms is canon in the game now?! /j
Finally finished this Spade of Storms WIP from early June 😅 Click for better quality!
Reblogs are very appreciated ~
「 Bonus versions & ship ramble below the cut! 」
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♤ More Deuce x Allen: ♤
SHIP INTRO: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4
OTHER ART: 1
Ship blog: @spade-of-storms
♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤
♤ Ship ramble ♤
There are many reasons why Allen and Deuce are perfect for each other (list), but a fair share of said reasons are rooted in or can be traced back to one massive, highly important core point: these two have extremely similar experiences in a reversed order.
Said experiences shaped their personalities, goals, insecurities and "masks" — all of which are highly important factors for Deuce and Allen's relationship development.
So today, I'll be talking about how their backstories influence Allen and Deuce's relationship.
Something I noticed is that if Spade of Storms weren't dating, they'd pretty much end up experiencing at least parts of each other's backstory... and end up in a super miserable state.
Allen is a former honor student who overworked himself to the point of burning out, all because he was a people pleaser and his stellar grades still weren't enough for his teachers who expected nothing but the absolute best from him. Additionally, he had to suppress his true self and interests because he was expected to be a model student in every single way, and anger was something only "bad" kids felt.
Sounds familiar? Deuce is unknowingly on the path to end up in the same situation, except in his case, the fact that he can't seem to achieve better grades no matter what causes him even more distress. If he actually ended up becoming a honor student, Deuce would experience a ton of additional pressure, not to mention that he's already struggling to hide the delinquent tendencies that are a fundamental part of his true personality... Sure, "honor student" sounds like a nice and admirable title to have — but the reality behind it is cruel, and Deuce isn't aware of that yet.
Which is why I gave him Allen.
A large part of Allen's trauma is rooted in his past as a honor student and the crushing expectations people (including himself) threw at him, and he desperately wants Deuce to watch out for himself and approach his goal of becoming a honor student carefully and logically rather than bite off more than he can chew and end up drowning in even more pressure, self-suppression and insecurities. Allen doesn't want Deuce to experience all the negative sides of being a honor student and instead supports the Heartslabyul student's goals by working towards them with a pace appropriate for Deuce, helping him study through actually unique methods specifically tailored for Deuce, and — most importantly — giving Deuce a safe and healthy environment where he can be his 100% authentic self and learn how to properly get his impulsiveness under control at the same time.
And the other way around? How does Deuce's past help Allen?
Deuce quit being a delinquent because it not only disappointed his mom, but also caused him a lot of trouble and massively stained his reputation. While Allen can handle his own delinquent tendencies just fine on the outside, his anger is actually much worse than Deuce's, not to mention that he has incredibly violent fantasies about the people he can't stand...
So far, Allen hasn't done anything bad. But Deuce, despite being a delinquent at heart himself, is able to calmly remind Allen to not do anything he might end up regretting or that might stain his reputation, especially since this is a major fear of Allen's. Deuce's worries and loving way manage to keep Allen in check, no matter how strong the Ramshackle student's hatred for society grows.
♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎
Now, HOW exactly are they able to help each other grow? WHY did they form intimate levels of trust to begin with? And especially, why can Allen actually efficiently help Deuce in the first place when nobody else can?
All will be revealed in the next issue Spade of Storms explanation post >:)
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gurugirl · 8 months
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Can We Start Over | Ch. 5 The Coincidence
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Series Summary: From the first day you and Harry meet, your relationship is beyond complicated. A one night stand leads to hurt feelings and then a job opportunity that you simply can't pass up is offered. But can you handle working for a man like him? rich!harry x plus size!reader | enemies to lovers
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This is a 5 part series commissioned by @justfattiethings (thank you hon!).
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Chapter 5. Summary: Things have changed for you and Harry but when you see him at a meeting, you are taken by surprise. It feels like destiny. Maybe this time things will work out for you two.
A/N: This is the final part to this series! Thank you everyone who stuck with the story and gave it a shot! Appreciate all the love!
Word Count: 12.7k
Warning: 18+ only, angst, smut, fluff
Can We Start Over? masterlist
Mr. Allen was on the phone again. He’d called you into his office but the moment you stepped in he got a call and told you to sit and wait. That it would only be a minute.
And it was only a minute. But then he got another call and now it was 23 minutes later while he was still yammering about some person who was just the worst.
You were used to it, though. Mr. Allen was retired so nothing was a rush for him anymore. Which also meant he held other people up. But waiting for your boss was the least of your worries.
His wife and her ever-changing personality was your biggest concern. She was, to put it mildly, a monster. And to make matters worse, she ran the whole household so you were often seeking her out for things. Mrs. Allen also handled her husband’s schedule and if he was running behind guess who got the blame. That’s right. You did. Every time.
And it was the same thing over and over again. You started your day trying to keep Mr. Allen up to task, failed, got reprimanded and degraded by a nasty human, held back tears and then took a long drive with loud music to clear your head with a quick stop for dinner, probably at a drive-through.
Needless to say, you were already planning on quitting. You’d gotten really lucky with Alfred. And even working with Harry hadn’t been as bad as it was working for Mrs. Allen and her husband. But you tried not to think about Harry if you could help it.
By the time Mr. Allen got off the phone he was running late for his physical therapy appointment. You got him moving along quickly and sent him on his way but not before Mrs. Allen started poking around and making comments under her breath.
“What was that?” You turned to look behind yourself at the wicked witch as she stood near the edge of the foyer.
“He’s late again.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“That is correct.”
She rolled her eyes, “What’s the point of having a personal assistant who can’t even keep the boss on schedule?”
You smiled, holding back your true thoughts, “Well, being as my job description doesn’t entail using physical force on the boss, which is what it would take to get Mr. Allen to keep on time for anything, I’m certain you’ll find that once again, this isn’t my responsibility.”
“Lazy,” she spoke under her breath.
You tilted your head and squinted your eyes at her, “That’s the last thing I am. Now, if you don’t mind, my workday is over. Have a good evening.”
You walked past her to go into your room to pack up your laptop and leave. You’d stay at your own place that night. You hated staying at the Allen’s house. Not only was the room they’d given you a tiny spec of a thing with no windows, no closet, and not even a single rug to cover the cold tile floors but being anywhere near Mrs. Allen made your skin crawl.
“I don’t know why we bother with the room for you,” she was standing in the doorway when you turned around.
“You really didn’t bother much with the room in the first place. That’s why I don’t stay here. My house has a better bed with a big window looking into my backyard. I just feel better in my own bed at night.”
You walked past her and held your breath so as not to inhale her disgusting, pungent perfume. You used to like the scent she wore. But now you loathed it. Whenever you smelled it, even on another woman, it made you queasy. You very much did not like Mrs. Allen.
You turned up the volume on your car radio the moment your front tires hit the road. You always looked forward to going home after work. This day wasn’t as bad as you’d had before and tomorrow you’d do it all over again.
And instead of stopping at a drive-through for fast food, you decided you’d stop at the grocery store and pick up ingredients to actually make something fresh.
Typically you didn’t cook. You didn’t have time for it. Picking up groceries would put you home at almost 8 pm. And then you still needed to cook so you wouldn’t be eating until close to 9 and then you could finally relax with a glass of wine and a good book or something trashy on television. Which was why drive-throughs were your go-to dinner plans. It meant you were home by 7:30 and dinner was already cooked. Not the best use of money and certainly not the healthiest way to live but you wouldn’t be doing it much longer.
You had a meeting to attend with Mr. and Mrs. Allen the following week that piqued your interest. It was for a piece of art that they’d been looking for. And someone found it for them. From an art dealer who was not too far away. You didn’t know for sure but you had a feeling. And you wanted to find out if that feeling was right.
Maybe you were a masochist and just wanted to pour salt onto the wound of your split open heart one more time. Or maybe you did have some hope that it was Harry and that maybe you could try and receive his feelings for you once and for all.
But it’d been just over 9 months since you��d seen him and you were sure he’d moved on by now. There would be no reason for him to still be pining over you the way you were over him. And what were the chances that it was him in the first place? You didn’t know but you needed to find out.
Yeah. You regretted what you’d done. Pushing him away like that. But once you’d done it, it felt like it was too late to go back. Maybe it was your pride. Or that little voice in the back of your head that told you men always leave and they always lie. That anyone that might love you would probably just disappoint you in the end.
But now you were in therapy and talking to someone opened your eyes to your self-sabotaging ways. You had been certain that the way you felt couldn’t be helped. That you were a prisoner to your trauma and all the hurt and that it was for the best. You’d been wrong, though. You could help the way you processed feelings and the way you responded when things got hard. You didn’t have to push away the notion that a man could love you or keep running away from your problems.
After picking up ingredients to make a nice little dinner for yourself you arrived at your cute house.
You loved the place. Loved the neighborhood. You found it a few weeks after you told Harry to leave your apartment. It wasn’t that far from your old place but you felt like it was good enough for a new start. At the time, you were ready to take the plunge. To move on. It was just a rental but it felt like your own place.
Though, not long after moving in you started feeling like getting rid of every trace of Harry had been a bad idea. You missed him. However, you didn’t recognize how you were feeling for him until you began therapy. The more you spoke honestly about everything and without any judgment, you began to peel off layers of yourself that you had unconsciously piled on to protect yourself. But that only wound up making things worse.
And one night, almost six months since you’d seen him, you decided to drive past his big, gated home. You still had the fob to his entry but of course, you wouldn’t use it. You only wanted to just drive past. To your surprise, there was a For Sale sign stuck in the grass in front of the gate.
You parked across from the house and tried to see if there was anything that indicated he’d actually moved out but seeing inside was impossible. You could see the top level of the house and that was really it.
The sinking feeling in your chest that you’d probably never see him again started to settle over you slowly. You’d moved away and blocked him from everything and then deleted his contact and now he was no longer living in the only place you knew where he might be. He was gone.
But then when you helped set up the meeting with the art dealer there was the smallest tinge of hope there. You felt like this might be your last chance. You had just been about to quit when Mrs. Allen gave you the number to an assistant of a dealer who had access to a painting they wanted. You never learned the name of the art dealer, only of the assistant who worked for them.
So you’d stick it out until after the meeting and then you’d give up your hope for ever seeing Harry again if it wasn’t him. And you’d also quit your job once and for all.
Of course, it’s not him. Don’t get your hopes up.
You had to remind yourself of that over and over again. The chances were slim that you would actually be seeing Harry.
Either way, you were looking forward to that meeting. Even if it wasn’t Harry, you’d be free of Mr. and Mrs. Allen once and for all after you quit.
But the days dragged on slowly. The only thing that was good about the time that led up to the meeting was the little secret that you were quitting. It was something you were excited about.
The morning of the meeting you woke up well before your alarm went off. You’d been unable to fall back asleep as you remembered the last time you and Harry slept together. The words he spoke to you that night haunted you every day since, “Want to make you feel so good. Want to make you smile, Y/n. Want to make you happy.”
You sighed. You hoped it was him at the meeting. You hoped there was still some way to salvage what you’d done. Hoped there was still something there. If it was him, that is.
Your entire morning routine had turned into a spa event. You turned on your coffee pot and then got into the shower, getting yourself ready for the possibility of anything and everything. You had selected your outfit days prior and put on a full face of makeup. You were going to look your absolute best.
And no matter what the outcome of the meeting was, today was a good day. Because at the end of it, you’d be a free woman. You’d never again step foot in the Allen house. You took all of your belongings from the spec of a bedroom over a few days so no one would notice. You rarely stayed over anyway so it wasn’t like you needed to keep much there in the first place.
You had a taxi take you to the Allen’s on that day. Because your plan was to quit the moment the painting was purchased and you weren’t going to be going back to their house with them after the meeting just to get your car. You’d get a taxi home. It was quite dramatic but you couldn’t wait to quit. Couldn’t wait to tell Mrs. Allen you were done and then walk off. Only a few more hours.
When you arrived at the Allen’s your first stop was the kitchen to make Mr. Allen’s coffee (skim milk and stevia) and Mrs. Allen’s chai green tea with raw honey. This was always the best part of your day. Things were usually quiet, Mrs. Allen wasn’t raging just yet, and the morning light that came into their gorgeous kitchen felt peaceful. While the coffee was perking you brought Mrs. Allen her tea drink where you knew you’d find her and placed it down on its coaster next to her. As usual, she did not acknowledge your existence or even say thank you.
Mr. Allen was always cordial, however.
“Morning Mr. Allen. Here’s your coffee.”
“Thank you, Y/n. Have you seen my wife this morning?”
You smiled and stood next to his desk, “I just gave her some tea. Why?”
“I think she wanted to make sure we had wire information set up to pay for the painting today. She’s very set on making the purchase. Can you double-check we have everything we need?”
“I’m certain we have everything we need but I’ll definitely do a quick check.”
As you suspected, everything was ready to go. When you confirmed as much you went to find Mrs. Allen to tell her.
“Mr. Allen told me you wanted to make sure the wire instructions were ready and I just wanted to let you know that we’ve got everything we need and it’s all ready to go for when it comes time to pay.”
“Good. Now,” she turned to look at you, “this is a meeting we cannot be late for so I’d appreciate it if you could have everything ready for us so there are no delays. I don’t want any excuses.”
You nodded, stifling the small laugh before it could make it out of your mouth, “Of course, Mrs. Allen.”
But as always, Mr. Allen was dawdling. You did remind him of the meeting but he assured you he was going to be on time. He wasn’t. You weren’t surprised.
When it was time to leave he was still in his office in his slippers on his third cup of coffee talking to his brother about sports.
“I told you this is a meeting we cannot be late for. This is unacceptable!” Mrs. Allen was red in the face as she barked at you. Somehow, she always seemed shocked when her husband held things up. You didn’t know how it was possible that she was so surprised.
You blinked your eyes and sighed, “He doesn’t need to be at the meeting with us. I say we just go. He’ll be fine here by himself.”
She nodded and mumbled under her breath about your incompetence, “Tell him we’re leaving without him. I’m going to get the driver to pull the car around.”
You poked your head into the office and waved at Mr. Allen and he pulled the phone from his ear to look at you with his brows raised. As if he didn’t know what was going on.
“We’re going to leave now for the painting. You can stay behind. No need for you to be there. Okay?”
He smiled at you and nodded before getting back to his call. You knew he didn’t care. This painting wasn’t for him. It was for Mrs. Allen. It was something she’d been wanting. She’d just hang it up alongside the rest of her collection of exotic animal paintings and artwork.
The car ride was silent. Which you preferred. You tried not speaking to Mrs. Allen when you could help it. Luckily she wasn’t interested in having a conversation with you.
And 30 minutes later when you arrived, your mind was swirling with thoughts of what could happen and what probably wouldn’t.
Your nerves were all over the place. If you were about to walk into a room with Harry Styles, being nervous was warranted. You hadn’t seen his handsome face in so long and wanted so badly for it to be him.
It was unlikely. At least that’s what you kept telling yourself. No reason to get your hopes up.
You and Mrs. Allen got out of the car once the driver had let you both out at the front.
It was a public gallery so everyone could just walk in to admire the art. You noticed there were people inside looking at the sculptures and paintings as you followed behind Mrs. Allen toward the desk at the side of the room where a young woman sat.
“Hi. I’m Delia Allen here for a meeting to view the Ghaui piece.”
The young woman smiled widely, “Yes. Of course! Just follow me. We have it moved into a special viewing room just for you.”
If there was ever a moment in your life where you thought that one small step toward a physical room could forever change your life, it was this. What if he was there? What if he wasn’t?
The gallery wasn’t a large space but there were temporary walls placed around the room to act as dividers and a spot for more art to hang. You wove around the walls and into a hallway where the young woman stepped into a room with Mrs. Allen just behind her. You paused for a moment before stepping inside. This was it. It either was or it wasn’t.
Placing your hand on the frame of the door and taking a deep breath you breached the space to enter the viewing room and found that there was no one else inside. It was the painting that Mrs. Allen had been so keen on buying, hung up with lights aimed at it, a table and chairs.
You didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t this. You imagined someone would be inside the room waiting for you.
“The dealer will be right in. He’s finishing up something with someone else. Five minutes tops.”
The painting was of elephants in an African wildlife scene. It wasn’t your taste but you had to respect Mrs. Allen for her interests. If there was anything about her you could say you liked, it was her love of animals and how much support she’d given African wildlife sanctuaries. She’d also gone on many safaris (without Mr. Allen you learned) and helped fund conservation parks that helped employ people and protect the land and animals. Honestly, when you found out this was her thing you felt like you were looking at a different woman.
She was still a bitch, though.
“I thought this meeting was set up and ready to go, Y/n,” she turned to look at you. As if somehow the dealer running late was your fault.
“It is set and ready. The girl said the dealer would be right in. We just need to wait a couple of minutes.”
You didn’t look at her face as you responded. You were done looking at her face. After this meeting, you’d never have to look at it again.
“Sergi could’ve come if I knew this was going to happen.”
You rolled your eyes, back facing her as you looked over the lines and the paint on the canvas. It was a well-done piece of art.
When the door opened only a moment later you felt your heart stop for a split second, a chill ran down your face, over your shoulders, and through your spine as you slowly turned around when Mrs. Allen spoke, “Finally.”
Your vision grew spotty, like tiny particles floating around and mixing up the scene before you. Fuzzy like a grey screen on a television. You blinked your eyes to clear your sight as you looked at him for the first time in over 9 months. It was him.
And his reaction to you appeared much the same, with him pausing in the doorway, mouth agape, eyes wide.
“Hello? Are you the dealer?” Mrs. Allen was great at ruining a moment.
Harry’s eyes blinked as he shook his head and finally peeled his sight from you to look at the other woman in the room. He cleared his throat, closing the door behind himself, and stepped forward to Mrs. Allen with his hand out, “Yes. I’m the dealer. Harry Styles,” he shook her hand and then shot his eyes back to you, taking in your outfit quickly before moving toward you, his hand outstretched in silence.
You hadn’t moved from your spot next to the painting. You hadn’t closed your mouth or peeped a single word because you couldn’t. And even though you had a feeling that it was him before the meeting ever took place, the surprise and shock you felt was overwhelming.
It was really him. It was Harry. And you couldn’t believe it was him.
You placed your hand in his to shake and the moment was eternity. Your eyes pinned together, palms warm to the touch, searching gazes, and a million little thoughts dancing around your heads. It was real. He was real. You were real. The moment was real.
But of course, as Mrs. Allen tended to do she interrupted the odd reunion and began speaking, “Please go over the details with me. I think I’d like to know a little more and then we can talk price.”
Harry’s adam’s apple bobbed as he released your hand and straightened his posture and he handed a folder to Mrs. Allen and began to go over everything she might want to know.
Your heart was racing and you were unable to listen to anything he said regarding the painting. It all sounded like gibberish to you but you could hear his smooth deep voice as he spoke, and the occasional glance in your direction had your skin sparking in delight.
“Earth to Y/n,” Mrs. Allen waved her hand in front of your face and you slowly drifted from your reverie back to reality and looked at her.
“Jesus, it���s like herding cats with you,” she pointed, “Let’s get this part ready. Open your laptop.”
You reached into your bag and pulled out your laptop, placing it on the table so you could begin the wire payment. You looked from Mrs. Allen to Harry and then back to your screen as the bank sight loaded.
Of course, you had to log in and the internet connection wasn’t as fast as you’d have liked so Mrs. Allen let out an annoyed sigh.
“Always like this with her,” she looked at Harry with her arms crossed, “Slow. Lazy–“
“Are you serious?” Harry sounded perturbed. Aghast.
You looked from him to Mrs. Allen and the look on his face matched the sound of his voice as he looked at her with disdain.
“Of course I am. You don’t know her so you have no idea what–“
“I do actually know her,” he glanced at you softening his gaze. “Don’t speak about her that way or the deal is off.”
You blinked and smiled gently as you opened up the bank wire screen.
“What? You can’t treat me like this. I’m a paying client. I will walk out of here without this painting if you dare–“
“Then leave.” He looked at her with his brows raised in a dare.
She huffed and clutched her purse, “Fine. Just… do the deal, Y/n. I’ll be right back. I need to use the restroom and get some air. When I return I want this to be over with.”
She walked out of the room and slammed the door rudely and Harry stepped in front of the computer as you looked up at him, “Y/n. I can’t believe it’s you. Are you working for her?”
You stood up straight and nodded, “Yeah. It’s a disaster. I’m quitting as soon as this is over. It’s been my plan for a month.”
He smiled, “You’re quitting? Now?”
You nodded again, “Yes. As soon as this deal is complete I’m done.”
“Can I see you? Like, after this? Dinner maybe?”
You sputtered a tiny laugh. It was like music to your ears, “Okay. Why not?”
Harry grinned widely and pointed at the computer, “Let’s get this over with then. Push that payment through and let’s get out of here.”
There it was again, the blurred vision, grey and colored specs floating around you as if you were in the grey screen of a TV. You couldn’t believe it. Perhaps it was only a dream. Perhaps you were about to wake up and it was all going to have been just a wild dream that you’d never recover from.
You called the bank with a smile on your face to begin the wire transfer. Everything was set as you entered the details into the account on your laptop and spoke with the representative.
But of course, there was one thing holding the whole thing up. Mrs. Allen had to be there to verbally give the go-ahead to the man on the phone. You were not authorized.
So when she came back to the room and the payment wasn’t yet completed she was furious, “How can you mess up the simplest things, Y/n?”
“All you need to do is tell the man this wire transfer from your bank to the owner’s is authorized. You’re holding this up. Not her,” Harry spoke.
She pulled the cell phone from you with a sigh and spoke into the receiver as you smiled at Harry.
“There. It’s done.” She handed the phone to you and the transaction was finalized. Emails went out to all the parties involved in the sale with the receipt and you closed your laptop.
“Good. Now, have someone wrap this so I can bring it back without getting scratched.”
Harry nodded, “I’ll have Laira get someone for you and they’ll bring it to your car.”
Mrs. Allen looked at you and snapped her fingers, “You can go wait in the car for me. No need to have you standing around and gawking like an idiot.”
You stuffed your laptop into your bag and looked at Mrs. Allen, “Delia?” You made it a point to call her by her first name, which you knew she hated, “I quit. Working for you has been hell. You’ll go home without me as I’ve already made other arrangements. Tell Mr. Allen it was lovely to work for him. I’ll send him an email explaining why I quit tomorrow. Also, the agency won’t work with you again after I share details and proof of the way you treated me.”
Her mouth dropped open and the look of surprise on her face was quite hilarious as you pushed passed her with Harry following behind you.
You felt exhilarated and your heart was pumping blood through your body and your limbs rapidly as you smiled and made your way to the front of the gallery.
Harry kept in step with you as he waved at the girl at the desk, “Please help Mrs. Allen get the painting wrapped and put into her car. I’m done for the day. Call me if you need anything.”
You felt the warm air hit your cheeks when you stepped outside into the sun with Harry behind you.
“Y/n, I’m still kind of in disbelief that you’re here. I must be dreaming,” he turned toward you with a wide grin.
“I feel the same way. Like I’m just going to wake up and it’s all been a dream.”
“Pinch me,” he put his arm out and pushed his shirt sleeve up to his forearm, displaying the tattoos on his skin.
You laughed and put your thumb and pointer over his skin and gave him a good pinch and he let out a deep breath, “Do it again.”
You couldn’t stop the small chuckle that fell from your lips as you pinched him again and he grabbed the tops of your arms tightly, “Y/n I’ve missed you so much. I’ve wanted to talk to you so many times. I have so much to tell you.”
“Me too, Harry. There’s so much to say.”
He led you to his car and you both got inside. It felt so surreal to be climbing into Harry’s car with him, “Where would like to go eat?” He looked at you from the driver’s seat as he started up his car.
You shook your head, “I don’t know. Don’t care really.”
He nodded, “Yeah I don’t care either. Just as long as I get to go there with you. Okay, we’ll go to this spot I found some months ago. They have great crab cakes.”
When he pulled out to the street you looked at him, “New car then?”
He nodded, “Yeah. The lease came up on the other one and figured something different would be nice. I’ve had this for a few months.”
“And did you move?”
He licked his lips and glanced at you, “Yeah. Not long after you left. A lot has happened since you’ve been gone. I… did a lot of thinking about what I want in life and how I want to live it. The place was too big. Not sustainable for me any longer. Too expensive.”
“Really? That’s surprising.”
He breathed out through his nose as he nodded, “I stopped dealing with stolen items. It was dumb of me to get involved in all that in the first place. I never started off being an art dealer with the idea that I would be wealthy. It began because I genuinely love the art world and discovering new pieces. I lost that somewhere along the way and you leaving like you did remind me of what was important in life. Money is not all there is.”
You were surprised to hear this. It made you wonder what else had changed.
The restaurant was a small, hip-looking spot. You had both arrived before the dinner crowd, it was still a bit early for dinner, but to you, it didn’t matter. You were with Harry again and even though you weren’t quite sure what to expect things were going better than you imagined.
You and Harry were seated at a small round table for two by a big window looking out over the parking lot. It wasn’t fancy but it felt amazing to get face to face with him after all that time.
“Y/n, I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you look incredible. I know I said it already but I really missed you. I hope you and I can keep in touch after this. If that’s something you wanted. It would mean so much to me to be able to see you again.”
You picked at the corner of the laminated menu that had been placed on the table in front of you and looked up at him, “Harry, I missed you a lot too. I regretted the way I ended things. Moving away and blocking you. I thought it was the right thing to do. I deleted every part of you from my life and by the time I realized it was a mistake I didn’t have your contacts anymore,” you shook your head as you looked into his eyes, “I’m sorry I did it that way. I’m sorry for walking away from you.”
Harry reached across the table and put his hand over yours, “I’m glad you did. Y/n, I don’t know if I would have had the kind of self-reflection and epiphany I did if you’d stayed. But you leaving like that made me rethink everything I thought was important. Made me realize that dealing in the black market and jet-setting all over the world to do something that goes against my very core… I hated it. I hated you leaving but it opened my eyes.”
“So you really don’t do any of that anymore?”
He shook his head, “No. Now I bounce around from gallery to gallery to view pieces and check the legitimacy, the provenance. I work for myself still but now I’m not making as much money. Which is fine!” He laughed, dimples digging into his cheeks, “It’s better this way. I sleep better knowing I’m doing things right now.”
“Where do you live now?”
“Like twenty minutes from here. Bought a regular-sized house with a garage and an ugly entryway,” he grinned, “But I love it. I love it because it makes me feel happy. It’s not so much to maintain. Had to let go of all the staff I had but other than that, I haven’t missed the income as much as I thought I would.”
You were impressed with him. You never imagined he’d stop dealing in illegal items because you knew the money was so good.
The waiter stood at your table and you both told him what you’d like to drink. A sparkling water with lemon for you, and a hot black tea for him.
“So you were working for that woman. She’s awful. How long did you stay with her?”
You laughed and shook your head, “I worked for the Allens for just over seven months. Hated every minute of it. She only got worse as time went on. I thought once she got used to me she’d lighten up be she was truly evil. Would just talk down to me and blame me for everything that went wrong.”
“Why did you stay there for so long?”
“At first I stayed hoping it would get better. You know you kind of get into a groove and can look past bullshit and then everyone starts to get used to one another. But that never happened. I tried to stick it out. But then of course I needed the money too. Well, on some level. The security of having a job is nice and the rent at my new house is a lot more than what I paid at my apartment. Figured I’d wait for the right moment. Then about a month ago I found out that Delia wanted to buy this piece of art she’d been wanting and she was going to go through a dealer and I was just about to quit. I really was but,” you shrugged and smiled as you looked down at the menu, “Though it would be funny if maybe you were the dealer,” you brought your eyes back up to him.
He squinted, his brows pulling in as he looked at you, “You continued working for them when you thought maybe I was going to be the dealer on the sale? So you could see me?”
You nodded and smiled, “I mean. Sort of. I really didn’t think it was going to be you but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to just see. So I stuck it out. My plan was to quit the moment the deal was over. That’s why I was saying that at the gallery. It was like, one last thing, just to see if it was you and then I was done working for them.”
Harry laughed and pulled his lips into his mouth, shaking his head in amazement, “I can’t believe you wanted to see me. I was certain you were done and wanted nothing to do with me. I did go back to your apartment one day, maybe like two months later. But you’d already moved out. And you never responded to any of my texts or calls. Figured that was that. What made you want to see me?”
You tried not to feel bad how you ended things with him but it was hard not to, “I really did like you. It was just hard for me to admit how much. And then Brandy, my best friend, talked me into going to therapy. And honestly? Just talking about how I process things and my emotions with someone else helped me a ton. Helped me see how I self-sabotage. Anything that might make me happy, specifically romance, was a big block for me. I didn’t even realize it consciously. I think I knew I pushed people away when I didn’t need to. And I realized I did that with you.”
Harry nodded as he listened and the waiter placed your drinks down on the table before taking your orders for food.
It felt like you had so much to tell him and you could see Harry felt the same with everything he admitted to you. You loved listening to him and watching him as he spoke or the way he gazed at you as you recounted the last 9 months to him.
While so much did happen in those 9 months, you felt comfortable sitting at that small table talking to Harry about it all. Everything felt so familiar and nice with him. It felt like you were both exactly on the same page and this time around maybe you could really have something special with him. If he wanted the same thing as you.
“So you missed me? What did you miss about me?” Harry smirked at you as he took a scoop of the dessert you were both sharing.
“Hmm… I think I liked it when you were nice to me and vulnerable with me. Our late-night kitchen chats. How you took up for me with that one lady. And even today you did it again with Mrs. Allen. I think there were times when I hated you but mostly I liked you. And those things I missed.”
His smirk didn’t fall from his lips and it looked like he was holding back what he wanted to say.
“What? What’s that look?” You pointed your fork at him.
Harry laughed and looked down at the table before putting his eyes back on yours, “You didn’t miss… like my body or something?”
You laughed and grinned at him, “Oh my god, Harry,” you rolled your eyes and shook your head.
“I mean you have to admit, Y/n, we are very good together. Aren’t we? Like… just fit so well me and you.”
You inhaled and let your eyes trail over his features as you tried to keep the grin off your face.
“You’re insane.” You licked your lips.
“No, I’m not. You know it’s true. Tell me you’ve had better with anyone else and I’ll tell you you’re lying. You missed me but you also missed all those dirty little things I did to you.”
“You’re way too confident and cocky still,” you laughed.
“Am I?” His smile was something that always got you. The grin, the dimples, the crinkles at the edge of his eyes.
“What do you want me to say, Harry? That I missed little Styles down there?” You sputtered a laugh.
“Little? Is that what you’d call it?” He placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward closer to you, “You said otherwise when–“
“Anything else for you two?” The waiter broke the tension as Harry shot his eyes up to the man.
“I think we’ll take the check. Thank you.”
You laughed as the server walked away and Harry cocked his head with that smirk still plastered on his face.
The sun was beginning to go down as the check was laid on the table and you insisted on splitting it with Harry. He grumped about you paying anything at all but you weren’t taking no for an answer.
You were surprised you’d been at the restaurant for so long. Hours had gone by but it didn’t feel that long because you two had so much to talk about. So much lost time to make up for.
“So where do you live, Y/n? Should I drop you off at home?”
You bit your lip and shrugged, “Not too far from here. Off Coalfax and the interstate. Do you want to drop me off?”
Harry’s smile softened, “I don’t want to drop you off. No. I want to continue this. I’m not ready for you to disappear again.”
Swallowing you reached your hand toward his and rubbed your fingers over his knuckles, “Then you don’t have to drop me off. Come with me. I’ll invite you in.”
Harry stood up quickly, taking your hand in his as you both walked to the exit and toward his car. You laughed as he pulled you along.
“Coalfax? Just North of here?” He spoke as he started up his car.
“Yeah. Exactly. You’ll take a right on Coalfax. I’ll tell you where to go.”
Harry kept glancing at you and the smile on his face stayed throughout the entire drive. You were sure he was feeling the kind of excitement you had bubbling in your tummy. Still not quite sure of what to expect but nearly certain of what could happen.
Maybe you were jumping in too fast but maybe… just maybe the timing was exactly right. You couldn’t tell but you weren’t going to let yourself overthink it. That wasn’t going to happen with you anymore. You already regretted too much of what had happened with Harry and this time would be different.
Harry parked his car on the street in front of your small house and you both walked up to your door, “You’ve still got the same car,” he noted.
“Yup. Runs well. No payment other than insurance. Cheap maintenance. I love the old thing. Hope I never have to get rid of it.”
Harry followed behind you through your front door and you switched on the light before you felt his hand tugging at yours.
You turned to face him and the reality of everything was clear suddenly. You’d reconnected with Harry. The one man you couldn’t stop thinking about. Couldn’t stop replaying his words to you, couldn’t stop imagining the way he kissed you and took care of you.
“I can’t believe you’re standing here in my living room,” you smiled at him and Harry shook his head.
“I can’t believe I’m here either. I can’t believe I’m looking at you and that you were there today and…” he swallowed as he squeezed your hand, “I don’t want to scare you off, Y/n, but you have no idea how happy I am right now. How this all feels like destiny. Like we were meant to be here right now.”
You laughed through your nose, “I don’t really believe in stuff like that, but it doesn’t kind of feel that way, doesn’t it? Like another chance.”
He nodded, “Another chance. Exactly.”
“Do you want to sit? Or would you like some wine?”
Harry looked around the space of your living room. He hadn’t taken his surroundings in until then as he was too focused on you.
“Maybe a glass of wine. If it’s not too much trouble.”
You grinned, “Of course it’s not. Come. It’s in the kitchen.”
The light flickered on overhead as you flipped the switch and then opened your cabinet to retrieve the bottle of wine and two glasses.
“Y/n, this place is really nice. I like it.” Harry looked around as he spoke.
“I like it too. It’s why I moved here. Felt like home when I walked in to view it for the first time. It’s just a rental but it’s perfect for me.”
You placed the bottle on the counter and handed him a glass of wine.
Harry held his glass up, “Thank you for inviting me in and for humoring me with your kindness.”
You laughed, “Humoring you? Harry, I am fully genuine right now. I wanted to have dinner with you and I wanted you to come into my home. I’m not just being nice. I want you here.”
“I like hearing that.”
You both took a sip of your wine as Harry kept his eyes on you.
It was warm. Searing hot in fact. Harry was gorgeous and he was in your house and he was looking at you with those green eyes that had looked at you so many times before.
“Have you…” He paused as he placed his glass down and cleared his throat, “Have you seen anyone since? Like dated? Are you dating?”
You laughed at the way he fumbled his words. He seemed nervous suddenly, “No. I haven’t.” You placed your own glass down and suddenly felt that flutter of nerves, “And… I’m a little nervous to ask you the same.” You raised your brows at him.
He shook his head, “No.”
You nodded, “Surprised to hear that. But relieved I have to admit.”
“Why are you surprised?”
“Because I thought you’d have your pick. In fact even today when I thought there was a chance I might see you, felt like it was silly because surely you’d moved on and found someone.”
Harry’s brows stitched together, “I had a hard time feeling okay after that day when I left your apartment. Have actually never been so depressed and distraught over anyone before. I couldn’t just move on. Even when I started to feel a little better about it all. I just missed you so much. I know you blocked me on every platform out there. I got the hint when you didn’t text or call back. But I still missed you.”
You smiled, “And you’re not on social media at all. I did look but I kind of felt like if I did find you it wouldn’t have been good for me. I know I could have tried harder to reach out. I think I was a little scared of what I’d find.”
“What did you think you’d find?”
“That you were dating someone. I don’t know.”
The air shifted when Harry brought his hand up to your chin and gently gripped your face, “You’re the only woman I’ve had my mind on all these months. The only one I could ever think about. I don’t want anyone else.”
Your lips parted and you blinked your eyes as you took in his words.
“Do you understand what I mean? I don’t know if you feel the same way about me but just to know that you missed me and want me to be here with you right now means everything to me.”
“I don’t want anyone else either, Harry.”
“Does that mean you want me? I just need to hear it if it’s true, Y/n.”
You gulped and nodded, “Yeah. I do.”
The hand that held your chin released you and moved around to the back of your neck while his other hand landed on your hip and he pressed his lips to yours.
At last. At last.
You closed your eyes and drew your hands up to the back of his neck and moaned as he opened his mouth and you opened yours. Lips winding and smearing and pushing…
It felt like you were looking down at yourself, watching as you kissed Harry in your kitchen. And it was a beautiful sight. The two of you joined, grasping onto the other, hearts thrashing in your chests, bodies alight.
Harry’s grip on your side tightened, his fingers pinching around your clothes. The hand at the back of your neck squeezing and holding you in place as his lips slid against yours
You allowed yourself to be pulled in closer and moved your hand into his curls. You missed his scent. You missed his touch. His warmth. His care.
He parted from the kiss and moved his hand to your jaw, “Can we start over? This time, Y/n, you’re not going to regret it. This is it for us. Understand me?”
His words were almost a threat. Or maybe a promise. Both perhaps.
“Yes, Harry. I’m not going to regret it this time. I promise.”
He nodded, still holding you close, and then softly ghosted his lips over yours, “Because I can’t lose you again. I want this with you.”
You were gonna lose it. Everything was too much and not enough. You wanted him and you wanted to go slow but you wanted to tear his clothes off and feel him all over.
“I want you, Harry,” you breathed out against his lips as you clung to him, “I want this with you.”
You felt the vibration of his moan against your mouth as he dropped his lips to your chin and then along the curve of your jaw. When his lips pressed into the skin on your neck you gasped and hugged him tighter. His mouth drew your flesh in as he sucked a spot and then lowered to the curve of your shoulder and neck, suckling again at the skin where you knew it would be bruised.
“Fuck…” he whispered as he pressed his nose against your jaw, “Where’s your bedroom, Y/n?”
That was easy. The house was small. You led him down the hallway to your bedroom where you turned on your lamp and he began unbuttoning his shirt.
“Take your clothes off.”
You were surprised by his sudden command but you didn’t want to ask questions. The only thing you wanted was him and his hands and his body…
You pulled off your top before unzipping your skirt and kicking it down your legs. Harry’s eyes were dark as he continued taking his clothes off while he watched you undress.
When you were only in your underwear and bra he pointed, “Off. All of it.”
You swallowed and did as he said. Taking your bra off first and then your panties slowly as you used your bed to keep balance.
Harry was left in only his boxer briefs as he stalked toward you like a predator. You’d seen him in action before, you’d seen him a little dominant but this was different. It was like he had something to prove.
“On the bed, Y/n.”
You gave him a curt nod and sat down before scooting back into your bed. He climbed between your legs and moved your thighs apart, “You want this right? You want me? Want us?” He looked at you.
You nodded, “Yes, Harry. I do.”
That seemed like all he needed to know before he finally placed his lips on your chubby thigh, dotting wet kisses down and toward the soft inside near to your crotch and then he switched to the other side, kissing upward gently as he looked at you and then gripped the back of your thighs to push your legs apart, switching his sight from your face to your pussy.
“Y/n I missed everything about you,” he lowered himself, putting his stomach down onto your bed as he held himself over your core, “I know I only had you twice like this but I missed your body. Your smell,” he let go of your left leg as he pressed his fingers onto your mound and slowly dragged them downward, “The way your thighs part and how your skin looks right here,” he pressed a kiss over the spot right next to your labia.
But then he pushed himself up and climbed over you releasing your leg, his hands finding your breasts, “Your perfect tits,” his lips wrapped around your nipple, tongue laving over your sensitive bud and kissing over your soft skin toward your other side, lapping at your plush breasts before dragging his mouth upward to your neck, “Your skin, your voice,” hot peppered kisses up to your jaw until his mouth met yours again.
“Your mouth, this mouth,” he licked against your lips and pushed his mouth against the edge of yours and ran his nose against yours, “You. I missed you. Everything. Your heart and your laugh. I can’t do it again. I can’t go through that again.”
You felt his hands on your face, cupping your cheeks as he looked down at you, “Don’t leave me. Not ever again.”
You shook your head and lifted a hand up to his jaw, “Never. I don’t want to, Harry. I won’t.”
He grinned dreamily at you, his eyes wandering over your features slowly before he lowered himself down your body again, pressing his shoulders to the back of your thighs, and hooked his arms underneath to keep you in place.
The moment you felt his mouth on your core you clenched your eyelids closed and sighed. It had meant so much to you to have him loving on you, touching you, needing you. And Harry was the only man who’d ever worked an orgasm out of you with his mouth.
And even then, his tongue dragging through your pussylips and up to your clit, over and over again in a teasing, slow build it had you unwinding and unfolding for him. You wanted to give yourself to him fully. And that felt so good.
It felt good to trust yourself for once. To allow yourself to trust him. You could push past your feelings of inadequacy and thinking that no one would actually want you for you. Because that was a lie. You had been lying to yourself for so long and even though you knew it was your own hangup, it was hard to get past it. Until now. Because now you weren’t going to undermine yourself anymore. You learned it was okay to question motives but that it was also okay to accept kindness and love where it was offered.
You felt as he applied open-mouthed kisses to your clit and finally began to push over it, the pressure and the slide of his tongue right where you needed him had you moaning. Had you getting his face all wet.
Harry’s mouth and tongue worked at you strategically; slow teases of a gentle lap at your bud and then a harsh suck and flick to make you shiver. Every wet drag of his muscle against your clit drew you closer to your end as you gave in to the feeling.
And just like the other times he’d eaten you out you reached down to push your fingers into his hair and arched your back into him as a signal for him to keep doing exactly what he was doing. And he seemed to understand your nonverbal cue as he dug in and continued lapping and sucking exactly like you liked.
He watched your tits wobble and your body jerk and convulse as he kept his mouth suctioned to your pussy with his tongue wagging and slicking over your puffy clit until he felt you pressing his head down further and you coughed out a loud groan when your thighs started to shake.
His moans into your pussy vibrated through to your guts and it felt like you were going to explode.
“Fuck, Harry!” You were grinding yourself into his mouth and nose as you felt your release snap and you lost control of your volume and the sound of your voice and your limbs as he held you down so he could press broad strokes of his tongue over your pussy back and forth.
Harry closed his eyes and let you use his face and mouth to grind your clit on as you orgasmed. His cock was so hard; just tasting you and hearing your gasps and pleas of need had him spinning in the clouds. It made him happy to hear how good he was making you feel.
And that’s what he wanted the most. Was to make you happy. He wanted your smiles and laughter. He wanted you to enjoy his company and to feel happy with him. He wanted your heart and your soul and everything that made you who you were because he’d already decided he’d give you everything he could. His heart was yours already.
Ever since that day you kicked him out of your apartment, he hadn’t stopped thinking about all the things he did wrong. How childish he’d been with you. He hadn’t meant to fuck up so badly but he would make sure that his old ways were in the past. Now he was yours and he would prove to you that you could trust him.
When you gently released his hair and pushed yourself up to look at him he lifted with a grin, “Felt good?” His mouth and chin were glistening with you.
You laughed and nodded as you watched him slide his underwear down his sturdy thighs and toss them onto the floor. His body was even better than before. You weren’t sure why. Maybe he’d been hitting the gym harder. Or maybe it was just that now things were different. And you were seeing him in a different light. Looking at him in a way that you never had before. But you were still focused on his strong build and dark tattoos as well. That glorious cock, bobbing and heavy was all yours. You loved the way he felt inside of you and how perfect it looked hanging between his thighs like it was.
You sat up and got to your knees to adjust yourself and laid a palm on his thigh as you looked at him and licked your lips. He understood your hint as you moved your hand up toward his cock and he looked down at your fingers before placing his hand over yours, “We’ll do that later. Plenty of time to get to all that. I just want to make love to you, Y/n.”
“But you ate me out. I should at least–“
“No. Later,” he got to his knees and pushed you gently back to your bottom, “You don’t understand. I can’t wait one more second to be inside of you. We’ll have plenty of time for that other stuff but I haven’t had sex since in 9 months. If you put your mouth anywhere near my cock it’s gonna make me come too fast. A little out of practice,” he smiled with a small laugh as you laid your back into the mattress and he settled himself between your legs, hips tucking against yours.
You could feel his rigid, girthy cock slide through your labia as he rolled his hips down and up, wetting his shaft, “Want to fuck you now. Okay?”
You moaned and nodded. It was okay by you. You knew there’d be time for blowjobs later so you didn’t mind having him inside your cunt, stuffing you to the brim like you knew he would. There was plenty of time for all that, now that you weren’t going to be running off from him again.
“Want this cock, honey?” He continued rocking his hips. Sliding himself up and down, the tip of his cock collecting your arousal and pushing it up to your clit.
“Yes, Harry. Please.” You bucked upward to catch him at your entrance but he pressed your hip down and grinned at you playfully.
“Love hearing you say please. Such a good girl for me.”
You groaned when he wouldn’t push in right away, still teasing you with the drag of his thick shaft up and down through your labia and against your clit. The sound of it was lewd. Filthy.
“Please fuck me!” You whined.
Harry paused his motions, keeping his eyes on yours as he reared back and took his base in his palm to line himself up to your hole. He kept one hand on the inside of your thigh as he began to press himself inward slowly, the snap of his bulbous head entering you and pushing through your walls was the first act of confirming everything.
Confirming that this was it. That now you were connected and there was no turning back. That all the promises spoken were sealed.
You both kept your eyes pinned on one another as he bottomed out, balls tucked against your ass with a whimper from his mouth and a deep sigh of relief.
He slowly pulled back before inching his way back into the hilt and repeated his languid strokes as your wet pussy blossomed and opened wide for his girth until he was rocking down into you with a force that had your tits bouncing and harsh breaths punching from your lungs.
Harry’s strong abs clenched as his thighs flexed, working into you, exacting strokes deep into your cunt and skin colliding every time you felt the dip of his crown nudging into your tummy.
He sat back to his haunches, knees bent with the back of your thighs draped over the top of his. He watched as he sunk into you and pulled back to his tip, his shaft glistening and coated in you before he thrust back in until you were gasping and reaching for his arms to keep yourself grounded. To remind yourself of who’s cock was fucking you so good.
“Love this pussy, Y/n. You take me so well. So fucking juicy and plush,” he pounded into you, putting everything he had into it, muscles working and pushing him further and further as you bounced upward on the mattress every time he crashed into you.
“Hear that, baby?” Harry used a hand to squeeze at your tit, “Your bed squeaking, your pussy creamy and wet around me, those desperate whimpers from these pretty lips?” He pushed his hand up to your mouth, pressing his thumb to your bottom lip.
You moaned in response and nodded as you stitched your brows together in bliss.
“That’s right. That’s the sound of me fucking you and we’re gonna do it again and again and again. Yeah?” He spoke through clenched teeth.
You nodded, “Fuck! Yes, Harry!” Your words were punched from your lungs as he continued railing ito you, his hips rocking against yours.
Your whole being was lit up. From your racing mind to your tingling skin and toes, the bones that kept you solid, your pumping heart, and your pussy gripping onto Harry’s fat cock as he slid into you, back and forth, bumping through your inside walls into that hard-to-reach little dip that had you breathless.
Every stroke he gave you put you closer and closer to your second orgasm. The delicious emergence and unraveling of your end made you delirious.
When he leaned himself over you he thrust down harshly, pushing your thighs wider apart, the sound gushy and slick as he drove into you. You could feel his cock sliding through your guts and his pelvis grinding against your clit making you quiver.
“Oh my god…” you panted as you reached up for his shoulders where you could feel the taught muscle keeping himself up and aligned as he fucked into you, your back digging into the mattress underneath.
“Yeah? Feels good huh? Told you we fit together perfectly. Pussy deserves to be filled and stuffed every day. Want you to feel so good, baby…”
“It’s so fucking good,” your whimpered words were shaky and breathy.
“I know baby… So good… gonna give it to you every fucking day like this. Make love to you and treat you like a queen. Be so good to you…” his strained words were breathy as he was feeling the heat with you.
His lips pressed into yours and your brain short-circuited as you fell into that hazy, floaty space of ecstasy and need. Need for Harry and his body and his heart. Need for happiness with him. The need to feel happiness with someone you could trust.
When you sucked on his tongue and he rocked into you, keeping his hips smoothe against yours you began to whine and moan as your orgasm approached.
But then Harry stopped. He pulled back from the kiss and looked down at you with that evil grin you’d seen before and you gasped at the loss. You had just been on the cusp of coming.
He quickly pulled out as his own chest was rising and falling rapidly, his cock swayed and you pushed yourself up to see what was happening before he grabbed your sides and rolled you over to your tummy.
“Harry!” You yelped at the sudden maneuver and felt his palm land harshly on your bum. And then again and again. You jumped and crooned out as he issued your ass a handful of spankings to each side and then heard him moan when he kneaded into the meat of your bottom as if he couldn’t get enough of you. You suddenly felt him pushing your legs apart and fitting himself between them as he forced his hard cock back into your wet pussy, his heavy tip pushing past your small opening and you gasped at the suddenness of it all.
You moaned at the relief of finally having him tucked back inside. He slid through you smoothly, his hands holding your ass cheeks apart as he worked himself in over and over. You had your face smushed into the blankets as you sighed.
His hips rocked against your ass and you could feel him swiveling himself in every time his balls pressed into your skin, grounding himself deep through your tummy. The sounds he was making had you grinning. It felt just as good for him. He needed your body for relief. You were happy to let him get whatever he needed from you.
Slow languid strokes of his long cock, splitting you open with every thrust felt so good. It reminded you of how big he really was. How bulky and long his cock was as it disappeared inside of you and nudged its way into your depths.
“Stick your fingers over your clit, Y/n. Go on baby.”
You gurgled a moan and lifted your hips slightly to allow your right hand access to your pussy. And it was more relief. The feel of it all coming together was perfection. His fat cock taking up every inch of your insides, his tip crashing through your guts, the weight of him behind you and fucking you into the mattress, and your fingers on your clit, slipping and pressing…
Harry gave himself a moment to bask in the view of his cock spreading your vagina apart. He dragged a thumb over the spot where he was fucking into you, feeling himself move in and out, watching your pussy wrapped around him, glistening wet until he felt his balls tightening and constricting and your walls clamping down over him.
He could see your hips moving faster as you ground over your hand to get to your orgasm but then he pulled at your hand, moving your fingers away from your clit and you felt his chest against your back and his lips against the shell of your ear as he mumbled something you couldn’t quite hear.
It caught you off guard. The second denial of your orgasm. You angled your neck to try and turn toward him, “Harry, what?”
You felt him press his cock in hard, hips stilling against your ass, his lips pressed over your ear, “Put your fingers back on your clit but don’t move them til I say.”
In confusion, you slid your hand back to your core and he continued, “Good.”
He reared back and then thrust forward again, “Do you want to come, Y/n? Wanna come on my cock?”
You moaned a yes as you secretly slid a finger across your bud making you shiver.
“Then tell me you’re mine. Say you’re mine, Y/n, and I’ll let you come.”
You had no hesitation in telling him just that, “Harry I’m yours. I’m yours…”
“My girl. That’s right. Rub your pussy, baby. Get yourself off,” his breathy words were warm over your ear and neck as you began to slip your fingers back and forth to get you back to that spot that would have you tipping over the edge.
Then you felt Harry shift behind, his chest no longer pressed into your back as he started pounding into you, “Fucking come, baby. You’re mine now…”
You grinned in elation at his words and the way he sounded totally fucked out himself. Much like the way you were feeling. Like he was out of his mind with lust for you.
Every smack of his hips into your bum had you jolting up and you ground down into your hand, rolling your clit over whatever you could reach when you started to feel that melting, unraveling sensation. The electrical charge that made your pussy quiver and your back arch and your vision go white.
“There it is! Fuck!” Harry’s thrusts were harsh but every stroke felt like a sparking and exhilarating charge going through your body. His tip plunged into your cervix and fingers gripped your bottom harshly as you heard him choke out a loud moan.
“Gonna fill you fill you up baby… fuck… stuff you with my come…”
You could hardly hear your bed creaking and clanking as your ears began to ring and you gushed around Harry, your walls spasming and constricting around him tightly.
He moved into you, gliding in and out until finally his balls squeezed and pumped sperm through his cock directly into your wet hole. He stilled his hips as he whimpered a groan, throwing his neck back with his mouth dropped open, his cock throbbing inside of you, coating your walls with his come.
It seemed to last forever. He moaned and twitched, his body connected and pressed into yours as he drained every bit of himself into you. He pressed inward further, stuffing your pussy with his come, making sure every bit of it seeped through your cunt and soaked your insides.
He hadn’t had sex in 9 months. Jerking himself off didn’t do it like the real thing and when it was with you it was even better. The best. He hadn’t come so hard ever in his life he was certain as his body flushed in heat and his heart thudded wildly in his chest when he crumpled over your back, tucking his arms around you and kissing your neck softly.
You moaned quietly at the feel of him on your back. The post-orgasm glow was never so good before. It felt like you were in a different realm of existence, floating and glowing in bliss.
“You’re mine, Y/n?” He wanted reassurance. Which was understandable after the way you handled things the first time around. But this time was going to be different. You two were starting over again. This time with a better understanding of what the other needed, with a better understanding of yourself and what each of you needed to do to be a good partner. Things were different this time.
Harry pushed himself up and looked down at his sensitive cock still inside of you. He drew himself back and watched as his creamy come leaked from your hole and he pressed himself back inside. You felt him pumping himself in and out shallowly and turned your head to look at him. His eyes were glued to your cunt where he was fucking his come back inside of you. A natural urge he couldn’t deny.
When his eyes found yours and he finally pulled himself out, he helped you roll to your side as he laid next to you, his hand on your cheek and you placed your palm on his chest, “I’m yours, Harry. I was back then too I just didn’t realize it. Couldn’t admit it. But I’m yours.”
You both smiled at one another. His eyes were bright and clear and you could trust him. You knew you could. He made you feel so comfortable about yourself. Made you feel like you could make him happy and that he’d want to stick around for you. That he would make you happy in return.
He took your hand and pressed it harder over his chest, “I’m yours too. I was since the day I first met you. I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful, Y/n. And I’m not letting go of you again.”
You grinned and pushed yourself up to his mouth to kiss him. You felt his palm slide down your side and to your bum, as he squeezed you, causing a laugh to puff out from your lips against his.
“Sorry, I love your ass. Feels so good in my hands. Just wanna bite it and stuff my face against it. Can’t help it.”
You rolled your eyes at him still grinning but when he swatted at your bottom your mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, young lady. When I tell you I love your ass, I fucking mean it.” He gave you another good squeeze to emphasize his words.
So you slid your hand down to his nipple and squeezed at it, “And I love your nipples and these tits,” you laughed.
Harry’s wide grin and dimples were suddenly hidden when he nuzzled his face into your neck and you heard him inhale deeply.
The afterglow with him was something out of a romance novel. It was beautiful and precious. Almost too good to be true.
The sound of a cellphone ringing had both you and Harry lifted out of the sweet moment. He sat up, “It’s me.”
He hopped out of your bed and you watched as he crouched down to his pants where his phone was in his back pocket. His strong back flexing as he pulled it out and then stood up to answer the call.
“Hello?”
You frowned as you watched him disappear into your hallway, still nude. Turning to look at the clock on your side table you noted that it was paste 10 pm. You wondered who was calling at the late hour. Couldn’t have been work. What could be so important that he had to leave your side after he’d just given you the best orgasm of your life?
“I’ll be there! I’m booking a flight as soon as I get off the phone. Yes..”
You could hear him pacing and talking. You picked up most of what he said as you sat silently on your bed waiting for him to return and explain himself.
“I missed you too. I can’t wait to finally meet her. I know. Me too.”
You slid off your bed and pulled a t-shirt from your drawer to put it over your body as he ended the call with an I love you.
Harry walked back into your room with a huge grin, “My sister just had her baby!”
You smiled at him widely as he took three long-legged steps toward you, his cock swaying as he was still completely naked before he wrapped you in a tight hug, “Today is like the best day I’ve ever had. First you,” he kissed your cheek, “Now my sister...”
You laughed when he twirled around with you and then he let go, a sudden look of realization on his face, “Come with me to London. I want everyone to meet you!”
You blinked your eyes and stuttered your words, “Are you serious?”
He grabbed your hands, “Dead serious. Come with me. It’s not like you have to ask off for work. We can go for a couple of weeks. God, it’d be so fun, Y/n. Me and you… My mom’s going to love you.”
Your head was spinning from everything that had happened that day. From the moment Harry walked into that room at the gallery to now having him standing naked in your bedroom asking you to take a trip with him to see his family and his sister’s new baby. But, spinning or not, there was no part of you that would turn down the offer.
“That sounds amazing. I’d love to, Harry.”
He pulled you in for another hug and pressed his face into your neck, “This is going to be so good, Y/n.”
You laughed as he squeezed you tight and then his hands cupped your cheeks, “Now, let’s get you cleaned up, and then we’ll book our flights. Yeah?”
You nodded as your cheeks burned hot when he pressed his mouth to yours again.
It was a funny thing to you. That the first time you had sex with Harry the post-orgasm afterglow was interrupted by a phone call. And this time another phone call had broken the moment too. Except things were not the same as they were then. Now you knew who Harry was. You trusted him and this time everything was going to be different.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this!! xoxo
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Thank you for reading! I appreciate any support so remember to comment, reblog, & like 💕
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heretodestroyou · 1 year
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Hello i am requesting for Carmen from the Bear!! Something sweet and heart warming about Carmen being worried about the reader and just the whole kitchen seeing how in love he is ❤️ thank you
yes to heaven.
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pairing(s); carmen “carmy” berzatto x gn!reader
fandom; the bear (fx on hulu)
w/c; 758 words
trigger/content warnings; brief sexual implications, brief mention of past injuries, language, richie (he’s a warning all by himself), tina n richie being mean to carmy lol, tina and reader chisme together, is this another fic with an ldr song title????, brief touches on carmy’s trauma (not in-depth cuz this is a fluff fic), not-proof read, lmk if i missed anything.
stella speaks! i need him biblically. at first, i was like “mmm, jeremy allen white” as a joke. but bro. i don’t think it’s a joke anymore…
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Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto who’s always watching you. Who has his eye on you, if you will ;)
Carmy, whose eyes are trailing your figure when you first meet. Not in a sexual way, just taking in every detail. The way you stand, the way you move your hands when you talk. Any time you wear a shirt more than once, the nervous tics you have while he tries your food, if you have any visible tattoos, freckles, or birthmark. His eyes snag on every little thing you do for a split second.
Carmy, whose gaze is locked in your hands while you demonstrate your abilities. He’s taking in every scar, every cut, every tear, every burn that was once fresh in the skin of your hands and committing it to memory. He doesn’t know why, he just is.
Carmy, whose eyes will flicker to your face every so often as you cook, lingering in the scrunch of your brow, the purse of your lip, the muttering under you breath, every curve and divet on your cheeks.
Carmy, whose brain short-circuits the first time he sees you in anything other than your lose white tee, black pants and blue apron. Logically, he knows your body has always been shaped that way, so why is heat crawling up his neck in the biting Chicago air?
Carmy, whose new favorite thing is watching you cook. Especially the recipes you know by heart, when every lovely movement your body makes is muscle memory. Seamless and smooth.
Carmy who appreciates the habit you have of cleaning your station as you cook. Those pale blue eyes locked in you as he exits his office, watching you dumping veggies in a crock pot before scooping up the cutting board, knife, and any food waste and making short work of it.
Carmy who is personally offended by Richie watching you cook. Richie and his Richie-esque comments making him roll his eyes, or warning a scoff. “Makes you wanna know what other moves they can do, eh?” “Shut the fuck up, cousin.”
Carmy, whose habit of paying microscopically close attention to you has whispers from Marcus to Tina to Sydney to you. He appreciates the way you wave them off, using the new kid excuse.
Carmy, who’s been reduced to a stuttering mess when you confront him privately about it. He’s spilling out excuses, until you quietly ask him if he wants to grab coffee with you sometime.
Carmy who, the more and more he arrives to work either with you or with a dumb smile on his face, is getting endless teasing from Richie and Tina. Sydney quietly smiles at him, but mainly sticks to talking about the nature of y’all’s relationship with you.
Carmy, who admittedly fears anytime you let sitting with Tina, exchanging words that have her yelling curses or exclamations in Spanish.
Carmy, who has a retort ready for Richie when he asks you if that means he has a chance now, only to clamp his mouth shut when you wordlessly flip Richie off, bringing another soft look into Carmy’s eyes and a dumb grin on his lips.
Carmy who has to kiss every scar, every mark, every little thing in your body when given the chance. It’s a love language, remembering and worshipping every little thing about you.
Carmy who has his eyes on you so much, regulars at The Beef are silently questioning if there’s anything going on. (there is, but Carmy would sooner be Richie’s personal chef than admit it to customers.)
Carmy whose new greates comfort is you. Any fleeting fragment of you. Maybe you washed his clothes once and now they smell like you. Maybe you hugged him so much your scent lingers in his nose. Maybe he’s got a small piece of jewelry from you or reminiscent of you. Anything that has to do with you can bring him out of the deepest panic.
Carmy who swears up and down and to the ends of the Earth that he’s never gonna lose you. It’s not even an option anymore. He would actually just fall to pieces on the floor.
Carmy who shows the uglier parts of him slowly. You actually have to peel back the first layer and stare it directly in the face without fear before he shows you more. He’s just so scared.
Carmy who’s so so grateful you don’t try to fix him. You just leave him as he is, just giving extra love to those broken bits.
Carmy who used to hate love songs before you arrived.
Carmy who was losing faith in the very idea of love until you arrived.
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7s3ven · 8 months
Text
NOBODY’S SON, NOBODY’S DAUGHTER. luke (pjo) pt 4
PART 1 > PART 2 > PART 3 > PART 4 (last pt)
( masterlist )
IN WHICH… Y/N is chosen for a quest, one of which Luke knows she might not return from. When she returns a three months later, he vows to never let her go again. After all, the son of Hermes and the daughter of Zeus can never stay apart for long.
“I’m in the wind, you’re in the water. Nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter.”
Warnings : gore, violence, really descriptive words of gore (it’s lowkey grossing me out), complicated relationship, doesn’t follow canon plot, just a little bit of swearing
TAG LIST : @lostinhisworld @julielightwood @outerbanks-stuff @jennapancake @csifandom @evrybodydies1 @kkrenae @s0ulsniper @annispamz @justanotherkpopstanlol @soraya-09 @simpforeveyone @papichulo120627 @corpsebridenightamare @lilacspider @prettylilsimp @urmomsbananabread @ur-lacol-dsylexic @hottiewifeyyyy @kamiliora @be-bap @finnickodaddy @th0tblckgrl @shoyofroyoyoyo @uniquely-her @imafrkinsimp @syraxesrevenge @ahh-chickens @dracoslovergirl @midnightstar-90 @8812-342 @liv1104 @krkiiz @arialikestea @ch16rles @lizziesliz @maryclx01 @lukecastellandefender @yuminako @coryoskywalker @julielightwood @crybabysbakery @jsbaby @liviessun @p3pperm1nttea @angie-esc @purplerose291 @prettylilsimp @10ava01 @froggiesstalks @happy-jj @czennieszn @gisellesprettylies @loveyava @csifandom @luvvfromme @mashiromochi @kamiliora @yorksyree @mqg125 @jamesmackreideswife
Three months without Luke. Three terrible, lonely months without him. They were supposed to be on a break but they hadn’t spoken since capture the flag.
Luke stopped talking to Lana and Allen finally stopped annoying Y/N after she accidentally electrocuted him again, but worse. It was safe to say he spent a few weeks with the Apollo kids.
Y/N sat alone at her table, picking at her food. Percy looked as lonely as her. With no siblings to sit beside, they were left in their own company.
Y/N almost jumped when someone sat beside her. Part of her wished it was Luke and she felt disappointed when it was only Mai. “Hey.” She softly said, leaning forward. “You’ve always wanted to go on a quest, right?”
In all her ten years at camp, Y/N had never been on a quest. It’s not like she wasn’t a top candidate because she was. But nobody really wanted an unclaimed demigod on their team, even if she was more than qualified.
“I guess.” Y/N shrugged. Her occupied mind wasn’t really focused on quests right now. Mai’s beautiful brown eyes shined even brighter as she grinned, her eyes crinkling.
“I’m not supposed to tell anyone until Chiron announces it… but I’ve been chosen for quest.” She squealed, kicking her legs.
“And?” Y/N raised an eyebrow as she slowly chewed on her food. Why was Mai telling her that? They weren’t exactly close and they had barely spoken since Y/N’s night in the Aphrodite cabin.
“I want you to know that you,” She lightly poked the tip of Y/N’s nose. “Are coming with me.” Mai giggled as she stood up, rushing off before Y/N could even question it. Y/N whipped her head around, speechless. She could hardly focus on training with Luke haunting her mind. How was she supposed to help with a quest?
She slowly sighed, chewing lightly on her bottom lip. When she felt someone burning holes into her with their gaze, she lifted her head. To no one’s surprise, it was Luke. He quickly looked away, resuming his conversation with Chris as if nothing had happened.
Y/N gripped her fork. Maybe a quest would be good for her. She could get away from Camp and focus on lashing out all her anger on the poor monsters.
After breakfast, Chiron gathered up the camp’s best fighters and possible allies for Mai on her quest. Y/N wasn’t surprised to see Luke and Clarisse lined up beside her.
Y/N shifted around awkwardly, uncomfortable with the idea of standing next to Luke. The air was thick with tension and not just because everyone was eager to get chosen. Y/N’s fidgeting caught Luke’s keen eye but he didn’t say a word, simply turning his gaze to look ahead once more.
“The Oracle has confirmed what we expected.” Chiron uttered, his hands clasped behind his back. “The monsters are attempting to enter the mortal realm, which is bad news for both us and them. Their base of operation lies in New York, which is where you will venture to. Time is of the essence. I have selected the best candidates to join you on your journey.”
“Y/N.” Mai suddenly cut Chiron off.
“Usually, one waits to head at least one name.” Chiron retorted.
“I know all their names. I want Y/N. If there’s anyone who can help me succeed, it’s her. I mean, she’d probably push me down a flight of stairs if it was part of the quest. And I need someone like that.” Mai’s eyes scanned over the rest of the demigods, weighing out all her options in her head. “I also want Clarisse. If we run into a monster and we don’t weapons, I can count on her to slay it with a piece of paper.”
Luke parted his lips to say something but no words came out. For the first time in three months, he talked to Y/N. “Hey.” He jogged towards her, staring down at her with so much emotion in his eyes. “Um, I know we haven’t talked in a while but… stay safe. On your quest, I mean.”
Y/N slowly and stiffly smiled. “Thanks… Luke. I’ll try my best.” She nodded.
“Wait, Y/N.” Luke called out, reaching for her again. “Don’t die. Please.” He grabbed her face, kissing her with so much strength and passion that it felt like her were turning to jelly. “This way… you have to come back because we definitely need to talk about that and our break.”
“Y/N, you coming?” Mai asked, turning around just as Luke pulled away.
“Uh…” Her cheeks flushed red. “Yes. Yeah. I’m coming, Mai!” She looked at Luke and poked his chest. “Stop being confusing and learn to communicate more while I’m gone. See you soon, Luke.” She hurried off, faltering when Mai slung an arm around her shoulder.
Luke didn’t really care about the other demigods being sent off on dangerous quests but if Y/N didn’t return, he swore he would set the world on fire. And he always kept his promises.
Camp was lonely without Y/N, even if all he did was stare longingly at her. “Hey, Lana.” Luke uttered as he leaned against the walls of the Aphrodite cabin, arms crossed over his chest. “How do I… improve my communication?”
“Is this about Y/N?” Lana questioned, tilting her head to the side.
Luke lightly scoffed. “Of course it is. She deserves better but I can’t see her with anyone else so I want to become better.” Luke ran a hand through his hair, clenching his jaw. “I thought that since you’re an Aphrodite kid, you can help me.”
Lana stared at him with a pointed look before she lightly huffed in amusement and nodded. “Okay, first of all… we need to fix your communication problem.”
“I do not have a communication issue.”
“Your relationship with Y/N says otherwise.” Lana raised her eyebrows while Luke sighed. “You see what I mean? So first, communication. Second, words of encouragement. Make her feel special. Validate her. You love her, yes? Then show it. Actions speak louder than words. Once Y/N comes back, you’ll be a whole new person. With my help, duh.”
Lana grinned, pulling Luke into the cabin. “You don’t need a physical makeover. You’re the definition of a pretty boy. What you need is a new mindset. Sure, you and Y/N are in a rough patch with all the arguments.”
Lana slightly scrunched up her nose as she chuckled.
“But if Y/N is this special to you, then changing for her should be no problem. I won’t lie, it’s gonna be hard, Luke. For now, I’m going to make you watch To All the Boys I’ve loved Before, all of the movies, because they have terrible communication. And you’re also gonna watch Say Anything because you need to see the boombox scene.”
“I’ve seen the Lloyd boombox scene, Lana… I’m not holding up a boombox.”
“Not even for Y/N?”
Luke groaned, holding his face in his hands. “Okay. I’ll hold the damn boombox.”
“And play Lana Del Rey?”
“Why Lana Del Rey?”
“Because Y/N loves her. And it’s Lana Del Rey. Who else would you play? Besides, I’m sure Y/N is having a great time and I am in dire need of some toxic love songs here.”
Y/N stared at the hypnotising and flashing lights in front of her. “Let me get this straight,” She muttered, turning to Clarisse and Mai, “We need to get in there…” She pointed at the only entrance, “But the only way to do so is…”
“To walk in. As one of the models.” Mai quickly finished Y/N’s sentence, nodding her head.
Y/N sharply clicked her tongue. “Why not cause a distraction? That seems easier. I mean, we could definitely pull off the model look because we’re all pretty hot but it’s risky.”
“Y/N’s right.” Clarisse piped up. “Lucky for her, I’ve come up with the perfect distraction. Get ready to run in.” The Ares girl cunningly grinned while Y/N and Mai hid beneath a table.
“So, what do you think she’s going to do?” Y/N questioned, peeking out from under the white cloth.
“Maybe pull a fire alarm?”
Y/N shook her head. “That’s not her style.” A loud boom suddenly echoed through the hall. Exploded bits of stone and rubble smashed against the tiled floor, a few bits scratching Y/N’s ankles.
She pressed her lips into a line as she looked at Mai again. “Yeah. That’s more of what I was expecting.”
At this very moment, Y/N hated the number three. It seemed to bring bad luck to her. Three months without Luke and three months on a quest. That was practically six months without his energetic company.
Y/N quietly scoffed to herself. She couldn’t believe that after all this time, Luke still plagued her mind like a disease. Except he wasn’t a disease. Once upon a time, he was Y/N’s light in the darkness.
“What are you doing?” Clarisse asked when she found her best friend curled up in a blanket and rolled up into a small ball.
“Uh… Sleeping?” Y/N came up with a lousy excuse. Clarisse rolled her eyes and lightly kicked Y/N in the side.
“Get up. We’ve got to get to camp before any more monsters find us.”
It had been a difficult mission but Clarisse, Y/N, and Mai had managed to pull it off. Y/N slowly stood up but froze when he heard a loud roar echo through the trees. She and Clarisse exchanged a panicked look.
“Wake Mai up!” Y/N exclaimed, shoving as much as she could into her bag. Clarisse violated shook Mai awake, not giving the groggy girl time to adjust to the light.
The trio sprinted through the woods, trying to stay ahead of whatever was hunting them down. Y/N loudly panted as she reached the top of the hill. Her lungs felt like they were on fire. Unfortunately, neither Clarisse and Mai were blessed with her lighting fast running and the two girls were still lagging behind.
The monster burst through the thick foliage and Y/N’s heart fearfully skipped a beat. “Is that…” She trailed off in shock, staring at the beast with wide eyes.
“It’s a fucking manticore!” Clarisse shouted, pulling her sword out of its sheath. Everything was still and nobody dared to move as the Manticore growled at the group and circled around them.
“One of us has to distract it.” Clarisse quietly muttered as to not alarm the monster.
“I’ll do it.” Y/N quickly replied, reaching for new spear.
Mai pulled out a dagger, gripping it tightly in her left hand. “It’s my quest, guys. I’ll distract the manticore and you run.”
“No way.” Y/N shook her head, “I can take it.”
“I promised Luke I’d keep you safe.” Clarisse sneered, adjusting her stance. “So it should be me.”
“Now is not the time to talk about Luke and I’s complicated relationship.” Y/N snapped, flinching slightly when the manticore growled again.
“He kissed you, Y/N. I’d say he still has plenty of feelings left for you.” Mai’s eyes carefully followed the manticore’s moves. It seemed to have enough of their bickering and it lunged at the person closest to it. That person was Mai.
She screamed as the manticore attempted to claw at her face. Clarisse slashed through the monster’s wing and it howled in evident pain. Its scorpion tail reached for Y/N but she jumped back before the stinger could pierce her flesh.
“I could use some help!” Mai shouted as the manticore’s sharp fangs sank into her right shoulder. Y/N knocked the monster off Mai and quickly helped the girl up.
“I’d say the cut wing is plenty of distraction. Now I would prefer to run before it stings us all!” Y/N exclaimed. She was lucky enough to dodge it’s stinger the first time but she couldn’t guarantee her success at doing it again.
Clarisse hacked at the manticore’s eyes, almost slitting its face open. “Let’s go!” She screamed, pushing an injured Mai towards camp. Y/N took off after her friends but the manticore made one more desperate lunge for a target.
Its stinger sank into her leg and she screamed in pain. Y/N stumbled, eventually falling and hitting the hard ground.
“Y/N!” Clarisse turned back, sprinting towards the H/C-nette.
The manticore pulled its stinger out with a loud squelch and it’s claws sliced at Y/N’s leg, creating a gash so bloody that Clarisse had to look away in fear she’d throw up at the gruesome sight.
Y/N desperately stretched out her hand to grab something, anything. When her hand brushed against a decently-sized rock, she grabbed it and whacked the manticore.
She scrambled up, pulling out her spear once more and hurling it in the direction of the monster’s heart. The sharp weapon pierced its chest and the monster exploded into golden fragments.
“Shit, shit, shit. We need to get you back to camp.” Clarisse said, panicking as she watched light grey veins stem from the sting. That was never a good sign.
“What’s taking them so long?” Percy asked as he sat beside Luke, holding a plate of food. It had been ages since Mai, Y/N, and Clarisse had left
“A quest takes time.” Annabeth butted in, “And this sounded like a hard one, even for them.”
“I’m sure the three of them can handle it.” Luke said, mainly to reassure himself that Y/N hadn’t died a painful and untimely death. Percy’s eyes flickered to a trio approaching the top of the hill.
“Hey.” He nudged Luke, “Is… Is that them?”
Luke could recognise Y/N’s H/C hair from a mile away. He stood up, accidentally hitting the table. That was Percy’s unspoken answer. Mai and Clarisse had Y/N’s arms slung around their shoulders as she limped forward. But Y/N suddenly tripped and the three of them stumbled, more like rolled, down the hill.
“Oh. Shit.” Luke was the first to react. He ran over to Y/N, who was lying underneath Mai. She groaned under the weight of the other demigod.
“I told you to be careful with your shoulder.” Clarisse grumbled, pulling Mai off Y/N. Luke hurriedly helped her up.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“Apart from almost getting my leg torn off and the venom spreading quickly, I’m great.” Y/N awkwardly smiled and winced when she moved her injured limb. “Would you mind helping me to the infirmity?” She asked, but Luke was already one step ahead. He easily picked her up and laid her down on the first free bed he saw.
“What happened?” He asked as he looked at Y/N’s slashed leg.
Y/N was silent for a moment before she shrugged. “Manticore.” She said like it wasn’t a big deal, but it was because half her leg was almost falling off. Luke wanted to puke as he merely stared at it.
“Hey,” He said to a passing Apollo kid, “Do you think you could, I dunno, save her before she dies from manticore venom?”
The Apollo kid looked at Y/N’s leg, his nose scrunching up. “It did a good number on you. Mai got away with only a bite.”
“Yeah, I guess it has something to do with Zeus being my father.” Y/N sighed. “But my leg is really starting to hurt now.”
“The venom hasn’t spread to your torso yet so that’s good news. We may have to knock you unconscious because fixing this wound will take some time… and pain. Probably a lot of pain.” The boy called a few of his siblings over, quickly explaining the situation to them.
Luke stepped back to give them space and he waited until Y/N was unconscious before he left. “She’ll be okay, right?” He asked Genieve, one of the most skilled healers.
“She’s a tough girl, Luke. She’ll be fine.”
Y/N awoke a week later. She groaned as she sat up, stretching her arms and popping her back. She yawned, looking around at her surroundings. Multiple get better cards littered the table next to her and she smiled when she saw Percy’s bad attempt at drawing a whale.
“Oh. You’re awake.” Genieve kindly smiled at Y/N, “I was getting a little scared that you were in a coma.”
Y/N moved her injured leg, surprised to see that nothing was left of the grisly cut except a dark scar.
“We did our best but injuries from monsters don’t fully go away.” Genieve sheepishly piped up.
Y/N knew that. It was the same case with Luke’s scar. She jolted at the thought of Luke. Y/N turned to Genieve, wanting to ask where the boy was. She figured that it was finally time to talk with him.
No arguments, no misunderstandings, no blaming each other for something they couldn’t control.
As if understanding what she wanted, Genieve pointed towards the closed door. “Outside.” Was all she said.
Y/N walked towards the door, slowly pulling it open. A cold gust of air hit her and she shivered. Camp was usually warm all year round, even when it was snowing because the snow couldn’t get past the barrier.
Y/N stepped forward, looking around in shock as she sank into the freezing, knee-height snow. She had always wanted to touch it but Chiron warned her that going outside the barrier, even if it was close to camp, was dangerous.
There was a new sparkle in Y/N’s eye as she crouched down to grab a handful. She heard the lulling sound of music and when she looked up, she burst into laughter at the sight of Luke holding a boombox. He held it up high and with pride, not caring about the questioning looks campers gave him.
“You said you always wanted to see and touch snow… so I brought you some.” Luke uttered, his voice overlapping with the melodic sound of Lana Del Rey.
Tell me I'm your national anthem.
Red, white, blue is in the sky.
Summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes.
“I don’t care what you do, Sparky.” Luke said as he walked until he was standing in front of her. He placed the boombox down. “Break my heart. Break my heart into a thousand pieces and bury them. Do whatever you want… because I love you.”
Y/N cupped his cold face in her hands, lightly sniffing. She cracked a small smile. “You’re the only one for me, Luke. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Sparky. From now on, I’ll communicate with you better. I’ll do anything for you. I’d kill for you, I’d set the world on fire for you. Just as long as I can hug and kiss you and call you mine.”
END.
651 notes · View notes
alltheirdamn · 5 months
Text
Killing Me Softly | (Joel x teacher!f!reader)
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Chap. 5 Nevermore
Chp. 5 Summary: It's hard to understand why everything feels so right. Rating: 18+ Explicit MDNI Word Count: 5.5k Warnings: Pre-outbreak AU, language, heavy kissing, unprotected piv sex, semi-rough sex, creampie, praise kink, (kinda) size kink, aftercare, fluff and a LOT of angst, light banter, lots of emotions, mentions of past trauma, brief flashback of trauma, another cliffhanger (sorry) A/N: Well, if you're here, I hope you're prepared for what's coming. A HUGE shoutout to @loonmartell for helping co-conspire the trajectory of this story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it as always <3
Masterlist | Ko-fi
I think he’s already falling in love with you. I think he’s already falling in love with you. I think he’s already falling in love with you. I think he’s already falling in—
“Miss Smith?” 
Your head jerked up at the sound, and the pencil you were drawing circles with fell against your desk. Bradley, one of your students, was standing at the edge of your desk with his test in hand.
“Sorry about that, sweetie,” you smiled, extending a hand. “Thank you.”
Bradley eyed you curiously before turning and skipping back to his desk. You dragged a hand over your face, wanting to crawl into the furthest corner of the world and never be seen again. Beth’s words had been plaguing you for days since you called her. Over and over again, they annihilated your thoughts, a constant broken record that you couldn’t shut off. You still had your nightly calls with Joel, talking past midnight and falling asleep together, but you kept making excuses not to see him. 
“I’ve got lesson plans to make,” you lied.
“I’ll help,” Joel had offered.
“You’re a distraction.”
“I ain’t that bad,” he huffed.
The next night, you lied and said you were going out with Maria, which was an even worse lie since you were avoiding her at all costs. Telling Beth the news was one thing, but telling Maria was another matter. She was nosey and a bit too loud-mouthed to trust. The last thing you wanted was for the entire faculty to know your dirty secrets. Joel had to remain a secret—at least for now.
It’s not like you wanted to avoid Joel; you were just scared. You were not ready for this new territory, and if Beth was anywhere near correct in her assumptions, it only made you want to shy away more. The only problem was parent-teacher conferences this week, meaning you’d have to see Joel and Sarah…together.
The class bell rang, and your free period between classes began. You dropped your head on the desk and took a few deep breaths, trying to wrangle some semblance of calm back into your body. The final class of the day would be Sarah’s, and you’d be lying if you said you were prepared to see her. The blaring reminder that her dad had fucked you sore over the weekend still hung over your head, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for it. How was your fall break, Sarah? Oh yeah, mine was great. Your dad fucked me so hard I ended up having a complete breakdown. 
Fuck. 
You wanted the day to be over. 
The free period went by much faster than you wanted, and as you watched the next slew of kids take their seats, you made a conscious effort not to stare at Sarah as she walked in. She wore her usual smile, the impression of her dimples digging into her cheeks. Some wild thought popped into your head that you had no time to recover from: if you and Joel went any further, God help you, you’d be Sarah’s step-mom one day. Your stomach rolled with nausea as you tried to will those thoughts away. Joel wouldn’t stick around that long; you were a lost cause. There was no chance that would happen. Right? 
Clearing your throat, you rose from your desk and made your way over to the projector to set up the lesson for the day. Since the school year was nearing Halloween, you decided it would be fun to teach Edgar Allen Poe, completely forgetting you had chosen “The Raven”—which was about losing someone. This would have a bite to it that you weren’t ready for.
“Okay, everyone,” you announced. “Did we all finish the reading assignment this week?”
There were a few nods and murmurs of agreement, and you quickly shifted to the first few slides of your presentation. 
“Alright, so who can tell me the overall theme for Poe’s ‘The Raven’?”
Georgia, one of your top students, shot her hand up without a beat.
“Yes, Georgia?”
“It’s about his grief for losing Lenore,” she answered.
“Good,” you smiled. “Can anyone tell me what other theme the poem contains?”
“Madness!” Another student chimed in, causing an uproar of laughter amongst the students.
“Okay, okay, settle down. Very good, you guys.”
You switched to the next slide, staring blankly at the words typed out. Lenore is gone forever. Something struck you as you silently read it, realizing you weren’t too far off from Poe in his grief. Although Bennett wasn’t dead, he wasn’t coming back. That fact hadn’t hurt as deeply throughout the last few weeks, especially with Joel around, but it still threw salt in the open wounds still scattered over your heart. 
“In stanza two,” you cleared your throat. “In stanza two, Poe refers to Lenore as ‘nameless,’ which can imply that she has died, and he’s now consumed with grief. Where else did you guys find his grief prominent?”
Georgia quickly raised her hand again, and you motioned for her to speak. 
“In stanza four, he talks about his dreams, which I think he means he’s dreaming of her to return to him. But if she’s dead, there’s no way she’s going to come back,” Georgia said.
Fuck. You felt the sting of tears rim your eyes and briefly paused to gather your bearings. Bennett left. He left, and you had spent years dreaming he would return. 
“Good,” you choked out.
You glanced around the room, your eyes connecting with Sarah’s. It took all your strength not to break down and cry as she studied you with the same concerned furrow in her brows as her dad would do. 
Clicking to the next slide, you exhaled, focusing on the following theme to discuss. Madness. 
“Now, with the theme of madness, where do we see this begin? Obviously, the dreams can be interpreted as his descent into madness, but what else do we find?” You asked. 
To your detriment, Sarah was the one to raise her hand.
“Sarah,” you sighed, nodding.
“It’s the raven,” she said plainly. “The raven is what drives him mad.”
“What does he do to drive Poe mad?” You questioned.
“The raven only says one word,” she explained. “And that word drives him mad until the end of the poem.
“And why does it drive him mad?”
Sarah shifted in her seat, looking around at her classmates before responding.
“Because it’s the answer Poe doesn’t want to hear. Poe doesn’t want to be reminded that Lenore is dead, but that’s the only response the raven will give.”
You were swaying in place, trying to hold yourself together as the memories started ricocheting back into your mind. Now wasn’t the time to collapse, not in front of twenty students staring at you, confused and concerned. You only responded with a nod and flipped the projector off.
“Good job, you guys. Now, does anyone have any questions on this unit? Any questions about the stanza format or the themes?”
Sarah raised her hand again.
“Did his madness kill him?” She asked.
“Who?”
“Poe.”
“Oh, um, no. Well, it’s a mystery, really. Some people say he died of delirium, so, I guess, madness. But other people speculate he drank himself to death.”
The class grew morbidly quiet, which made it harder for you to continue. No one else spoke up after Sarah, so you resorted to handing out the quiz and sinking back into your desk chair.
One by one, the students came up to turn in their quiz, and you averted your gaze each time with a nonchalant ‘thank you.’ When the final bell finally sounded through the room, you hardly had the energy to wave goodbye. 
Sarah was the last to leave, and that same concerned look lingered on her face as she shuffled out. 
That night, you didn’t pick up the phone when Joel called. You stared as it rang repeatedly, watching the light fade from the screen when the ringing stopped. You buried your head under the covers and tried to sleep, but then the nightmares started.
You woke up to your alarm, hyperventilating and drenched in sweat. Squinting at the morning sun streaming through the blinds, you grabbed your phone to check the time. Your fingers froze as you read the screen.
Seven missed calls from Joel
Two voicemails from Joel
With shaky fingers, you pressed play on the first voicemail.
“Hey baby, it’s me. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I’m hopin’ you’re just asleep, but if you’re up, please call me.”
Then you played the next.
“Baby, it’s me again. I miss you, and I’m worried ‘bout you. Please don’t shut me out, okay? I just wanna hear your voice and hear ‘bout your day. If you don’t wanna talk, that's okay. I understand. Just please lemme know you’re alright. I’ll drive my ass out to you if I need to just to make sure you’re okay. Call me when you get this. G’night, baby.”
You dug your knuckles into your eyes to try and force the tears back. Last night, you had the worst of the nightmares: the memory of something you tried to forget. You hadn’t touched that memory in so long. It was just the brutal realization you were truly at fault for everything with Bennett. No matter how badly you wanted to blame him, it was always your fault. 
Glancing back at your phone, you rechecked the time: 7:35. Fuck, you were running late, and you really didn’t want to call Joel back right now. At least not right now. You’d muster the energy and strength to do it later, but you needed to gather yourself and get ready for work right now. Tossing off the sweat-slick sheets, you rushed into the bathroom and quickly showered. You couldn’t bother to put makeup on, so you opted to go without it and found a simple dress to wear. It was still in the high eighties in Austin, and a dress was the easiest option for the day. 
Scrambling for your purse and keys, you ran to the garage to start your car and head to the school. 
It wasn’t until you pulled into your parking spot that you realized you left your phone on the nightstand. 
“Okay, what’s going on?” Maria questioned, sipping her lukewarm coffee. 
She had nagged you into spending your free period in her classroom, demanding that you tell her everything that you had been withholding. You sat on the edge of her desk, your dress flowing over your knees as you stared out her class windows. 
“Nothing, Maria,” you lied. 
She said your name sternly, forcing your eyes to snap to hers. Her usual chipper demeanor was replaced with that ‘mother’ look, her lips pursed and eyes narrowed. 
“Something is going on,” she pressed. “Could have something to do with Mr. Miller?”
“Maybe,” you mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of your dress. 
“You did it, huh?” She raised a brow. 
You exhaled heavily, nodding your head—no point in lying now. 
“We talked on the phone the entire break, and when I got home, he insisted on taking me on a date. Then one thing led to another… and yeah, we had sex.”
Maria squealed, clapping her hands and grinning wide. You stared at her blankly, unamused by her reaction to your words. 
“This isn’t a good thing, Maria,” you said pointedly. 
“Why wouldn’t it be? You’re finally putting yourself out there! Oh my god, was it good?” 
“It was,” you sighed. “It was good—really good. He’s so sweet and caring.”
“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” she interjected. 
“But I can’t let it go any further,” you finished. 
Maria leaned forward and placed her hand on your knee. 
“Does he make you happy?” She asked softly. 
“So fucking happy, Maria. I hate it.”
“You deserve to be happy, sweetie. That’s all I’ve been saying for years, and now you have it! Don’t force it to fail before it even begins. I saw the way he looked at you at the father-daughter dance. You can’t fake that.”
“I know. I know. I just—ugh,” you slid off the desk with a groan. “He’s too good for me. I’m still trying to get over Bennett and everything that happened. He doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of all my misery. That’s not fair to him.” 
You were pacing around the room, your eyes darting between the science posters hanging along the walls of Maria’s classroom. You heard her desk chair scrape against the floor as she approached you. She gripped you by the shoulders and leveled you with a heavy stare, but her eyes remained soft. 
“He’s still around, right? I don’t think he’s going anywhere, sweetie. If anything, I think he’s in it for the long haul.”
You didn’t know how to respond, so you leaned into her, letting her wrap you up in a motherly embrace. She rubbed circles against your back, hushing you as you wept quietly. 
The rest of the day passed by in a numbing blur. You packed your things quietly and headed to your car, ready to drown yourself in a glass of wine. 
Joel’s truck was parked in front of your house as you turned the corner onto your street. His tall figure was leaning against the driver’s door; his eyes focused on your car as you pulled into the driveway. You inhaled sharply before putting your car in park, mentally preparing yourself for whatever anger he might unleash. 
You barely shut the car door before Joel had his arms around you, tugging you into a warm embrace. You couldn’t make sense of it; why wasn’t he mad? He should be angry at you. 
“Joel?” you whispered, your fingers twisting into his shirt. He smelt of cedarwood and smoke, the lingering scent of the workday still on his clothes. 
“I was so fuckin’ worried ‘bout you,” he muttered into your hair. “Been tryin’ to get ahold of you all day.”
“I left my phone at home this morning,” you explained. “I listened to your voicemails from last night. I’m sorry I didn’t call back. I was just running late this morning.”
“Why didn’t you pick up last night?’ He asked, pulling away. 
“I needed some space. I’m just trying to figure this all out. I want you—I want this. I just don’t know how to be fully vulnerable. I know that’s silly to say since I’ve cried every time I’ve seen you.” You laughed at the thought of it.
“You coulda just told me that, baby. I would’ve understood,” Joel sighed. 
“You’re not mad at me?” 
“Of course not,” he smiled softly. “Had me worryin’ like crazy, but I ain’t mad. I know this is all new, and you’re scared. Just don’t shut me out, ‘kay? I wanna talk to you and understand what’s goin’ on with you. I told you I wanna work on it with you.”
“I’m s—.”
Joel was pressing his lips against yours before you could say those two words. The kiss was all-consuming and tender, strong enough to erase every thought in your mind. Your mouths moved in unison, tongues intertwined and exploring. It was dizzying to be kissed this fervently; the first kiss couldn’t hold a torch to this moment. You tangled your fingers into the curls at the base of his neck, slanting your lips to open yourself even more to him. Joel’s hands twisted into the fabric of your dress that hugged your hips and pulled you tighter against his body. You whimpered at the feeling of his cock straining in his jeans, and he hauled you upwards until you were wrapping your legs around his waist. 
Spinning you around, he pinned you to the metal of your car door, breaking away from your mouth to kiss down your neck. Was it possible to be branded by a dozen kisses? He left a trail of sweltering kisses over every exposed part of your upper body, and all you could do was pant and moan helplessly. To hell with the neighborhood and their lingering eyes; the world around you could collapse, and you’d still be clinging to his body. 
“I told you I didn’t wanna hear those apologies,” Joel muttered against the hollow of your neck. 
“What are you gonna do about it, Joel?” You moaned, his teeth grazing your collarbone. 
“All I want right now is to hear you screamin’ my name, so you better invite me inside before I fuck you right here.”
“Jesus Christ,” you whispered.
“Wrong name, baby.”
With one strong arm braced around your back and a firm hand on your ass, Joel carried you out of the driveway and through the open garage. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses against the bare patches in his beard. Joel stumbled into the living room and sat you on the edge of the couch. You clung to him, refusing to lay back, too afraid to disconnect from his body. There was something so addicting, so right about being in his arms—almost familiar. 
“Y’look so beautiful in this dress, baby,” Joel breathed. “Turn around.”
You unattached yourself from him, spinning until your thighs pushed against the leather of the couch. Joel’s hands roamed over your calves, dragging your dress up until it piled against your lower back. You gasped as his fingers tore apart your underwear, the scraps falling down your legs and piling at your feet. It was embarrassing how wet you were already, your slick coating your inner thighs. 
“Joel,” you whined as he swiped a finger through your wet folds.
“Use your words,” he hummed, slowly pushing in two fingers.
“I need you, Joel.” He curled his fingers against the spot that left you breathless, coaxing you to speak more. “Need it rough—please.” 
You needed to feel how bad he needed you; you needed to show him you wanted him, even if it meant doing it without saying it aloud.
“Y’want it rough, baby? I can do that. If it’s too much, you tell me, okay?”
“Okay,” you exhaled. 
Joel pulled his fingers from you, bringing them to your mouth and smearing your arousal over your parted lips. You hummed as you tasted yourself, pushing your ass back into him. You heard the clang of his belt and the soft sound of his jeans hitting the floor before he swiped his cock across your slick entrance.
“Don’t be gentle,” you moaned.
“Anythin’ you want, baby.”
That was all he said before splitting you open, the fullness of his cock inside you robbing you of all the breath in your lungs. Joel kept his hips flush with yours, his fingertips drifting down the fabric of your dress covering your spine. 
“Joel,” you whined. 
You shifted yourself onto the tips of your toes, nudging yourself back until the tip of his cock rubbed against the right spot inside you. You mewled at the sensation, wiggling your hips to find some sort of relief from the pleasure churning inside your stomach.
“Impatient, baby?” Joel teased.
He moved against you slowly, letting you adjust to his size. You had been in such a haze last time you hadn’t realized how big he actually was, but now you felt every glorious inch of him inside you. You let out another frustrated whimper, and Joel responded with an onslaught of forceful thrusts. Your body shoved further into the couch, your midsection rubbing against the edge every time Joel snapped his hips against yours. 
Joel’s hand snaked around your neck, drawing you back into his chest, the angle of his cock spearing deeper inside you. Your wails turned to sobs as you listened to Joel grunting harder behind you, his fingers squeezing rhythmically around your throat. 
“That’s it, baby,” Joel crooned. “That’s it. Doin’ so well for me.”
You gasped for air as the desire coiling within your core became agonizing and all-consuming. Your fingers wrapped around his hand holding you up, clawing at his skin as his thrusts became erratic and determined. You were teetering on the edge of euphoria, your body buzzing with pleasure. 
“Touch yourself, baby,” Joel whispered into your ear. 
You fought against your dress to find your clit, the instant connection of your fingers causing you to cry out. Joel’s mouth ravaged your neck, sucking marks into the skin as you drew tantalizing circles over the sensitive bud. It was right there— that explosive pleasure bubbling under the surface. 
“Don’t stop,” you begged, your voice strained under his grip. “Don’t—right there. Right there, Joel!”
Joel quickened the pace, your eyes blurring as your orgasm raced through your veins and set your nerves ablaze. Your sex clenched around his cock, forcing him to slow his thrusts as he groaned into your ear. 
“S’fuckin’ good, baby,” he punched out, releasing your neck.
“More,” you heaved. 
“Think y’can take it?” He asked, pinning you down onto the couch cushions.
“Just want you, Joel,” you said. Your words were muffled into the couch as you exhaled, “Want everything with you.” 
You didn’t know if Joel heard you, and you prayed he didn’t. Your brain was lost in some euphoric haze, dizzying you and your ability to control your emotions. Joel knew every part of your body, like the back of his hand. He knew exactly what you needed and what you wanted, and it was so confusing. 
But all your thoughts grew quiet as the lewd sounds of your arousal and his ragged breathing echoed around the house. Joel’s hand pressed into your hair as he pushed you further into the couch. Bent over this way, you were entirely at his mercy, putty in his hands, and helpless. 
“Swear y’were fuckin’ made for me, baby,” Joel grunted. “You’re mine, baby. Mine.”
“Yours,” you cried. “I’m—.”
You couldn’t finish your sentence as Joel seized up, choking out your name as he spilled into you. His body slumped over yours, the weight of his chest heavy against your back. The hammering of his heart matched yours as you both recovered in silence, the house growing quiet aside from your labored breathing. 
“Too rough?” Joel muttered into your hair. 
You shifted your face to the side, rewarded by his lips pressing into your cheek. 
“Perfect,” you sighed. “It was perfect.”
“You weren’t lyin’ when you said you weren’t a fan of vanilla, huh?” Joel chuckled, pulling out of you. 
You slumped further into the couch, laughing softly. 
“I was talking about cake, Joel. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Sure you were, baby. Stay right there, okay?”
You heard his footsteps disappear toward your bedroom, the distant sound of water turning on and off floating down the hallway. A second later, Joel was behind you again, the cool touch of a towel making you jerk away in shock. He gently rubbed the cloth over your inner thighs, taking extra caution of your sore entrance. You’d feel him everywhere tomorrow, and you didn’t hate that for some reason—you wanted the reminder of him. 
“C’mere,” Joel urged, helping you stand. 
He pulled you over to the couch, curling you into his arms and bracing you against his chest. Joel intertwined his fingers with yours, his breathing evening out as you shimmed further into his embrace. Maybe it was the sex, maybe it was just being around him, but all your doubts and worries seemed to fade away. It was just this moment; you and him with limbs entangled together. 
“Tell me somethin’ no one knows about you,” Joel whispered. 
“Only if you tell me something in return.”
“Of course, baby.”
You paused, considering all the possibilities of what you could share. You had forgotten pieces of yourself over the years, the layers of heartbreak and trauma suffocating the person you once were. You still weren’t sure if that girl you had once been was still inside you. 
“I hate pancakes,” you said.
Joel laughed, his body shaking behind you as you buried your head into the couch. 
“Pancakes? Really?” He teased. 
“I just don’t like them!” You defended. 
“Y’gonna tell me why?”
“I don’t know,” you grumbled. “They’re just too sweet.”
“So y’don’t like sugar in your coffee, and y’think pancakes are too sweet,” Joel mused. “What do you like?”
“Don’t tease me, Joel.”
His fingers prodded your sides, forcing you to shriek at the contact. You hated to be tickled and hated it even more when he kept you pinned to your chest with nowhere to go. You rolled toward him, squirming against his touch. Joel leaned in to kiss you softly, muffling your protests as you settled into his arms. 
“Your turn,” you sighed. 
“Hmm, well, I like pancakes.”
“Be serious, Joel,” you frowned. 
“Okay, okay. I love watchin’ cartoons.”
You giggled, watching that grin stretch across his face. 
“Been watchin’ them with Sarah since she was a kid,” he chuckled. “I still do sometimes, even if she ain’t home.” 
“That’s cute,” you smiled.
You brought your fingers to his face, scratching at the stubble covering his chin and jaw. Joel’s eyes shut as your touch drifted over the patchy spots, your fingertips drawing circles in the places his beard disconnected. 
“Tell me somethin’ else,” he said.
“I think you’re really handsome.”
It was a quick response—almost too fast—but you couldn’t swallow back the words. You glanced up at him, peeking through your lashes to see his brown eyes soften. 
“Handsome, huh?”
“Well, I can’t call you cute,” you scrunched your nose. “It doesn’t fit you. I like handsome more.”
“I like it,” he smiled. “Call me handsome all y’want.”
You dragged him to your mouth, saying everything you couldn’t form into words. Joel moved with you, his head tilting and mouth molding to yours. He made everything feel so simple; maybe that’s what scared you. It was too easy with him—falling into this idyllic routine. Joel mumbled your name, pulling himself reluctantly from your lips. You chased one more kiss and settled back into his chest. 
“Did you know it’s good luck when it rains on your wedding day?” You thought out loud.
Joel tensed up, his arms flexing around you. 
“Superstition says it means your marriage will last,” you continued. “I’ve always thought it was funny, you know? I used to believe in that before my wedding, but after that, I figured everyone had lied to me.”
“Baby,” Joel whispered. 
“No, it’s okay. There’s a point to this, I promise.”
“Tell me,” he urged softly.
“I think the rain was good luck. Maybe not in the way people think, but I don’t think Bennett and I were meant to get married. My sister hated me for going through with it. We didn’t really talk once Bennett and I got engaged. Everyone warned me about him; they told me he wasn’t who I should be with. I was so stubborn to make things work. He—he was there for me during a really awful time in my life. I thought I owed it to him to stay.
“But then here you are, and it makes me re-think everything. The rain? It’s still good luck, just in a different way. I wasn’t meant to be with him because maybe… maybe I was meant to be with you.”
Joel was painfully quiet, his eyebrows furrowing together as he closed his eyes. Oh, fuck. You had rambled out everything you were scared to say, and now it was biting you in the ass. This was why you were too afraid to acknowledge your feelings: the rejection. Joel didn’t see it the same way; he didn’t think of you in the same way, and you just made a complete idiot of yourself. 
“Shit, I’m sorry,” you muttered, trying to pry yourself out of his grip. You kept the tears at bay, trying not to let yourself succumb to the heartbreak shattering inside you. 
Joel’s hands wrangled you back to his chest, his eyes leveling with yours. You inhaled sharply as his fingers brushed away the rogue tears falling down your cheeks. 
“There ain’t a doubt in my mind y’were meant for me, baby. I’m thankin’ God every day for bringin’ you into my life,” Joel confessed. “I know this is all new, but I promise to keep provin’ myself because whatever this is between us, it’s real.”
“It’s real,” you echoed. 
“Don’t run away from me,” Joel pleaded. “Gimmie all the good and bad stuff. I swear I can handle it.”
“What if you get tired of me? What if I’m not enough?” You rambled. 
“I could never get tired of you, baby. If anythin’, I keep wantin’ more.”
You snuggled further into his embrace, inhaling his scent as you pressed your nose into his chest. Joel ran a hand through your hair, his fingers catching on a few knots left from earlier. 
“What’d you mean when you said he was there for you durin’ somethin’ awful?” Joel asked after a beat of silence. 
Flashes of the crash came back into your mind, or at least the ones you could recall. You squeezed your eyes shut as your nightmares began to see the light of day. It was a memory you never liked to revisit.
“Easy,” your mom whispered. “Easy, honey. Don’t move too much, okay? Take it slow.”
Your eyes fluttered open, the harsh lights above you burning into your retinas as you tried to adjust to the room fading into the forefront. You were tucked into a hospital bed, IVs and tubes sticking out of both arms. Your head was pounding, and everything hurt. That’s all you could focus on. Everything hurt so fucking bad.
“Bennett?” You croaked, searching the room. 
Your mom, dad, Beth, and Stella were all grouped around the foot of the bed, their eyes glassy with tears. Bennett was nowhere to be found. Beth’s fear-stricken eyes shifted from your mom to your dad before she bolted from the room.
“I’m going to go get the doctor,” your mom announced, turning and leaving the room.
Stella shifted uncomfortably and promptly followed, leaving your dad alone at the foot of your bed.
“How’re you feeling, peanut?” He asked, rounding to the side of your bed.
“Pain,” you cried softly.
“It’s gonna be okay,” he assured. “It’s all gonna be okay.”
“Baby?” Joel said cautiously. 
“S–sorry,” you mumbled. “I don’t know if I really want to talk about it.”
Joel’s brows scrunched together, his eyes staring at you with concern. You turned away from him, lifting yourself from the couch. Pacing the living room, you stared blankly at your bookshelf beside your entertainment center, still collecting dust after two years. You heard Joel shift against the couch behind you and glanced back to see him staring at you intensely. Anxiety was thrumming in your chest the longer you stood in front of him, too many thoughts reeling inside your mind. You never talked about the accident; you didn’t want to be reminded of what had been the catalyst in your relationship's failure. Because that’s what it was. You owed everything to Bennett for sticking by your side through it all, and in the end, you weren’t enough. Nothing you did was enough to salvage what had been your life with him before it all.
“Hey,” Joel exhaled. “C’mere.”
“I—I need a minute,” you cried.
You bolted from the living room and went down the hall, gasping for air when you reached the edge of your bed. The room was spinning as you dropped your head in your hands, the nausea surging up inside you the longer you stayed stuck in the memory. You needed out of it; you needed out. You needed—.
Joel rushed into the room, falling to his knees in front of you as he said your name over and over to coax you out of the trance. Nothing was working. Your head was throbbing in pain, and you couldn’t work around it. 
“Breathe with me, baby,” Joel whispered. “Breathe.”
You heaved in a lung full of air, only to choke on it and gag back the nausea crawling up your throat. Joel rubbed his hands over your thighs, the sensation of his touch jarring you enough to make you cringe. 
“It’s gonna be okay,” he crooned, a distant echo of your dad's words. “It’s okay.”
The shrilling sound of your phone ringing pulled you both from the moment, and you crawled over the bed to grab it. 
Beth
“Fuck,” you groaned. “I can’t—I can’t answer it.”
“Give it to me, I’ll do it,” Joel offered with an outstretched hand. 
You practically tossed it at him while you crumpled into the sheets with your hands clutching your head. 
“Hello?” He answered with a brief pause before he said, “This is Joel.”
Silence.
“Fuck, okay. Gimmie a second,” he replied.
“Baby, she needs to talk to you,” Joel said.
You stifled your cries before taking your phone from his hand, already hearing Beth’s frantic voice on the other end of the receiver. 
“Beth, what is it?” You asked, your body shaking. 
“It’s dad, sis. You’ve got to come home, okay?”
314 notes · View notes
I Guess So
masterlist
summary: butcher is furious when he learns you’re a supe.
pairing: billy butcher x female supe!reader
rating: R for language
word count: 4.3k
warnings: language, butcher being a complete asshole, cancer
timeline: set in an au after season 3 — in a world where becca doesn’t exist and butcher got into supe-hunting when his sister went missing.
author’s note: when i reference the flash/barry allen i’m picturing grant gustin, not ezra miller lol
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It was a quiet day in the office. Everyone was going through the several boxes of information on Vought that they had gathered at the last hospital they investigated.
“Jack pot!” Hughie exclaimed.
“What’d you find?” MM asked from across the room, head still down as he stayed focused on the box he was working on.
“There’s tons of names here of babies Vought dosed,” Hughie said. “And pictures of them now, looks like they were keeping tabs on the ones that didn’t go great.”
“Makes sense,” MM replied. “If one went off the rails they’d wanna know.”
“But why risk it?” Annie wondered out loud. “Why would Vought want these Compound V babies out there if they didn’t respond well to the serum?”
“Yeah, knowing Vought it’d make more sense to round ‘em up and put ‘em down,” Frenchie said.
“Wait, what the fuck?” Hughie’s eyes widened a little as his brows furrowed. “Uh, Y/n? Do you have a twin?”
“No, why?” you asked half-heartedly, buried deep in the box you were looking through. You had found some info on Temp-V and were hoping there was something in there that could help Butcher.
You were confused as to why Hughie hadn’t answered you so you looked up from your desk. Hughie was now standing at Annie’s desk as she read over the papers he’d just handed her. Frenchie and Kimiko looked up from their desks but didn’t bother going to see what all the fuss was about.
“Uh, MM,” Annie called him over. When he saw what Annie and Hughie were so freaked out over, his eyes widened.
“Holy fucking shit,” MM mumbled before he glanced at you. Annie tapped his arm a little and pointed at something written near the bottom of the page.
“What’s wrong you guys?” you asked, even though you had an idea about what they could be looking at.
You thanked your lucky stars Butcher had left to get lunch for the team, even though you knew you’d have to confront him about it at some point. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t mean to keep it from him! But you were putty in his fucking hands and when he said he didn’t like Supe’s you weren’t gonna tell him what you had coursing though your veins. And after the ‘I love you’s had been said it seemed too late.
“Anything you wanna tell us, Y/n?” MM asked.
“Please don’t tell Butcher,” you said.
“‘Don’t tell Butcher’? Seriously, Y/n? You’re sure that’s what you wanna say?” Annie asked, silently begging you to just come clean.
“Don’t tell me what?” Butcher stepped into the office and you stood up quickly. “What’re you guys all looking at?”
He put down the food and took a few steps closer to where MM, Hughie, and Annie were. Before MM could move the papers around and help you keep your secret a little longer, Butcher grabbed what he was holding and started reading. By the time he finished, angered tears were forming in his eyes before he looked at you.
“You’re a fucking Supe?” Butcher asked you through gritted teeth. You stayed silent, completely frozen as he stormed over to you, papers still in his hand. “Fucking answer me!”
“Y-Yes,” you said quietly, unable to look him in the eyes as he towered over you. (He wasn’t that much taller than you, but right now you felt about two feet tall and didn’t dare look up at him.)
“What’s this mean?” He pointed to a note at the bottom of the pages. “‘Full power unknown’? ‘Extremely dangerous’?” he read. “What the fuck are your powers, Y/n?”
“Billy, please-”
“Oh, no, no, no! Don’t fucking dare Billy me! Answer the goddamn question!”
“I can sometimes run really fast,” you mumbled
“The fuck you mean, ‘sometimes’?”
“The Compound V in my system randomly acts up and I can run like the Flash. It’s always temporary, never lasts longer than a day or two.” (You could’ve used A-Train as an example instead of Barry Allen, but given your audience you made the right call.)
Butcher looked at you and for a second you thought he might just pull you into a hug as tears slipped down your cheeks as well as his.
“Fuck you,” he spat. “How dare you fucking lie to me, about this of all fucking things!”
“I-I’m sorry-”
“Sorry don’t fuckin’ cut it, love,” he said, teeth clenching again.
“Please, Billy I love you so fucking much!” You tried taking his hand in yours.
“No!” He pulled his hand back. “You fucking lied to me.”
“I had to! You said you hated Supe’s and I didn’t want you hating me!”
“Good job with that,” he scoffed, hurt flashing over your features. “Fuck you.”
He turned away from you before leaving the office, ignoring the others as they asked him where he was going.
**
MM was the first to talk to you about the whole ordeal; he went to your apartment that night to see how you were doing.
“Hey,” you said as you opened the door. He pulled you into a quick but tight hug.
“You could’ve told me, you know,” he whispered before pulling back to look you in the eyes. “I’m sorry about Butcher, has he talked to you since?”
“No,” you shook your head, “but he, uh, I think he’s done with me.”
“I’m sure he just needs time,” he tried to assure you as you both walked to the couch before sitting down.
“He came by and got all his stuff, MM,” you said. “It must’ve been right after he stormed out of the office because when I got home all his shit was gone and the key I gave him was on the nightstand.”
“Fuck,” MM mumbled. “I’m so sorry, Y/n.”
“It’s my own fault, I should’ve fuckin’ told him.”
“Yeah, but he’s always saying shit about Supe’s,” he countered. “He has to understand why you wouldn’t tell him.”
“But I’m not even technically a real Supe! When I’m not fast all I get is the bad side effects of Compound V—headaches, nausea, blurred vision—it fucking sucks!”
“I gotta ask, did Butcher really never notice?”
“He did, I just never told him the real reason. He was worried about my headaches and even asked me to see a doctor. I told him I did and they said it was nothing serious. I think that’s why he’s so mad at me; it’s not the Compound V, it’s the fact I’ve lied to him so fucking much.”
“I think he’s gonna get over it,” MM said. “I think he’s gonna realize how fucking miserable he is without you and just how happy you make him.”
You scoffed a little, “Don’t give me false hope.”
“I’m serious! You didn’t know pre-you Butcher! He was a complete asshole! Now? He’s… Well, he’s still an asshole but he’s not as annoying as he used to be.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah.” He nodded. “I remember when I first caught on that he liked you; he’d try not to raise his voice, he’d make room for you to sit next to him on the couch, so many little things about him changed whenever you walked into the motherfuckin’ room.”
“He wasn’t like that before?” You smiled, feeling those familiar butterflies over the thought of Billy fucking Butcher having a crush on you.
“Never!” MM assured you. “You need to give him time and space right now, but I know he still loves you.”
**
The next morning you went to work, not knowing what else to really do. If Butcher didn’t want to see you, he didn’t have to come in.
When you got there and saw him at his desk (which was now moved a few feet further from your own) you knew you made a mistake.
“The fuck are you doing here?” Butcher asked.
“She’s part of the team,” Hughie said.
“Come off it! She fucking lied to all of us! She’s a fucking Supe!”
“And we get why she lied!” Annie came to your defense.
“A Supe defending another Supe, what else is new?” he grumbled.
“Butcher,” Hughie warned.
“Alright, let’s take a fuckin’ vote, how about?” Butcher suggested.
“Sure,” MM said. “All those in favor of Y/n staying on the team?” He raised his hand as Hughie, Annie, Frenchie, and Kimiko did the same.
“Five against one,” Frenchie commented.
“Supe’s don’t get a fucking vote,” Butcher said.
“Still three against one,” MM replied. “She’s staying on the team.”
“Butcher-” you started but he cut you off.
“Stay the hell away from me,” Butcher told you. “Don’t you fucking talk to me or touch me or even fucking look at me!”
**
It was a couple days later and you were pouring yourself a cup of coffee when Butcher walked up beside you, clearly wanting coffee as well. You decided you weren’t gonna move from where you stood in front of the little coffee station MM had set up a few months ago. If you stood your ground, Butcher would either have to ask you to move or push you out of the way.
He was getting impatient as you stayed and took a sip of your fresh cup of coffee. You let out a content sigh hoping it would further aggravate him and cause him to say something, anything to you—he’d managed to successfully give you the silent treatment since his angry voting speech.
“Get the fuck outta the way,” he said and you took a step to the side before he instantly went to pour himself a cup.
You were about to gloat a little but when you looked at his face you could tell he hadn’t slept the night before.
“How’d you sleep last night?” you asked, genuinely concerned as you furrowed your brows and turned to look at him more intently.
“Fuckin’ great, I didn’t have a Supe sleepin’ next to me,” he countered. “And don’t fuckin’ talk to me, if it was up to me you woudln’t still fuckin’ be here.”
“So you’d really be okay with me just getting the hell outta here? Never seeing me again?” you asked.
“Drop fuckin’ dead for all I care!” He shrugged a little and took a sip of his coffee before he finally turned to look at you.
“Huh.” You nodded, tears quickly flooding your eyes. “You know what,” you shook your head a little, “fuck you, Butcher.”
“What, now you bruise easy?”
“I have put up with so much shit from you. I have stayed with you through it all and I have proved to you time and fucking time again that I genuinely love and care about you. But this one thing you can’t let go? This one, stupid thing that was given to me without my fucking consent?”
“You lied to me, Y/n!”
“You’ve lied to me, too! You looked me in the eyes and said you weren’t gonna take Temp V then you fucking took it! And what did I do? I stayed up with you all fucking night as you hurled green shit into the toilet! Then you promised you wouldn’t take it again, but you did. And I was angry, but I loved you and I realized you were just doing what you thought was right so again I stayed with you as you puked. I even fucking kissed you after you barely rinsed your mouth out because I just wanted you to know I loved you!” You continued looking at him as his angered expression slowly softened. “And after you learned about the cancer?
“After you made me swear to just ignore it and act like you didn’t have a year to live? I stopped worrying about it in front of you. Instead I lost countless nights of sleep because I’ve been pouring through every bit of research Vought has on Temp V. I even managed to get files that only existed in physical copies kept at Vought Tower. I would’ve done anything for you Butcher because I thought you loved me too.
“The fact you can’t see why I felt I had to lie to you about the shit I’ve got pumping through my veins is ridiculous. And just so we’re clear—you can hate me all you want, but you better start acting fucking professional when we’re on the clock because I’m not going anywhere.”
“Did you have that whole speech planned just to try and get me to fold?” he asked, scoffing a little.
“Fuck you,” you said before brushing past him.
**
It had been nearly two weeks since Butcher and the others found out you were (kind of) a Supe. Everyone except Butcher had gotten over it by now and had even been asking you questions about your “powers”.
Hughie had asked you; “Can you tell when you’re able to run fast? Or is it you’ll be jogging and suddenly you’re miles away from where you meant to be?”
To which you had replied; “No, I can tell when I’m able to run fast; but I can’t predict when it’s gonna happen, you know? Like I have no control over it, I just sometimes know that if I were to try, I’d be able to go super fast.”
Kimko had asked you; “On the days you don’t have your powers, do you ever wish you did? Or are you relieved when you wake up and realize you don’t have them for right now?” (She had texted you while you were seated across from her.)
You had said aloud; “It tends to hurt on the days my powers don’t work. I get really bad headaches and sometimes they’re so bad that I actually puke. I’m happier on the days I can run, not because I’m fast, but simply because I don't have all the bad side effects.”
Butcher managed to ignore you since the coffee incident. He only ever spoke to you about work and never saw you outside the office. Not that you’d admit it, but you missed him like crazy. You hated sleeping without him, you hated waking up and only cooking breakfast for yourself, and you absolutely hated not being able to talk to him about all the random shit you two used to talk about.
He missed you too, though he never showed it. He was losing sleep over how he was treating you, but he figured you wouldn’t want him now. You both knew he only had a little over six months left (nine at most) and he wasn’t gonna go crawling back to you just to die. If he did, you would’ve welcomed him with open arms; wanting nothing more than to hold him while he ignored the inevitable.
**
“Everyone knows the plan?” Butcher asked the group, looking into the back of the truck from the passenger seat. “In and out, no fucking around and finding out what happens when we mess with this guy?”
You and the others beside you (Annie, Kimiko, Frenchie, and MM) nodded.
“I’ll keep the engine running,” Hughie said. “Once we see this guy leave you’ve all got twenty minutes until he’s back—but leave time for getting in and out, so safeside ten minutes.”
“Any questions? We all know what we’re looking for?” Butcher asked, earning nothing but nods. You raised your hand a little and he sighed with (what seemed like) annoyance; “What?” he asked.
“Uhm, not a question, more like a comment, my uhm, my powers just…turned on?” you told Butcher, and therefore the others in the car. “So just…”
“That’s actually great,” Hughie said. “Thank you for sharing, Y/n.”
“Whatever,” Butcher mumbled.
Another few minutes went by before the Supe left his house and you all broke in.
As everyone looked for what they came for (a file stolen from the office that detailed all the crimes this particular Supe had done with proof that would land him in prison) you noticed something strange in the corner of the living room.
“Is that a camera?” you exclaimed.
Before anyone could answer several shots rang loud through the house. Using your powers, you looked and quickly realized three bullets were headed directly for the back of Butcher’s head. He was looking under a desk on the other side of the room and if you didn’t hurry, he’d be dead in less than a second.
You ran and got between the bullets and Butcher; crouching down and letting them hit you square in the back.
“What the fuck!” the man holding the gun exclaimed. Before he could take another shot, Kimko tackled him and held him down.
Butcher looked at you, his eyes wide as you both realized what you’d just done. You looked down at your chest, fully expecting to be gushing blood.
“You’re fucking bulletproof?” Butcher asked, a sense of awe in his tone.
“I guess so.” You furrowed your brows a little, still looking down and not really believing you weren’t dying. As you stood up, the bullets fell off your back and onto the floor. “Wow,” you muttered, “I’m fuckin’ bulletproof.”
“You…” Butcher looked at you as he stood up as well. He put a hand on your shoulder, turning you so he could look at your back—three small holes in your jacket and shirt, but your skin unfazed. “You just…You were ready to die for me?” He turned you back and looked down into your eyes, keeping his hand on your shoulder.
“Well, I wasn’t about to let you die,” you mumbled, looking up at him. You then looked at his hand and smiled a little before looking back at him. You were prepared to make a snide remark about how he was suddenly willing to touch you, but you kept your mouth shut when you saw his eyes brimming with tears.
He wrapped one arm around your shoulders while the other went around your torso. It actually took you a moment to realize he was in fact hugging you but when you did, you put your arms around him too; one going around his shoulders, the other around his torso.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, closing his eyes to keep the tears from falling. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”
“I forgive you,” you mumbled, reveling in the feeling of him holding you. You sensed he was about to pull away so you tightened your grip, not ready to let him go just yet, which caused him to do the same.
“I hate to break up this long-overdue hug,” MM said, “but I found the folder, we should take this guy in.”
“We’ll meet you in the truck,” Butcher replied, not opening his eyes or moving a muscle. “Cuff him.”
When everyone was out of the room, you whispered; “I really do forgive you, Butcher.”
“Thank you,” he replied, matching your tone. “Still can’t fuckin’ believe you risked your life for a guy who’s got about six months to live.”
**
That night you went to Butcher’s apartment and when he opened the door, he seemed surprised; “What’re you doing here?” he asked, letting you walk in.
“A couple months ago, I broke into the labs at Vought Tower and stole a shit ton of files they had on Temp V. I got the name of one of the doctors that helped make it, and I found his address. I was ready to threaten him to get him to find a cure for the Temp V side effects but when I explained my situation he said he’d help me willingly. He said he was actually already working on a cure without Vought knowing, because he felt insanely guilty about the fact Temp V kills people. He succeeded. He found a cure and he’s used it to make a new form of Temp V that gives you powers for a day while healing you and at the end of it, you should be back to your old self.”
“Wait, what?” Butcher furrowed his brows. “Why didn’t you tell me weeks ago you’ve been working with this guy?’
“One, I didn’t want to get your hopes up. Two, you told me to pretend you weren’t sick so we could enjoy the time we had left together. And three, he needed my blood for the new Temp V. Turns out I’m like the Ultimate Temp V Supe, and with my blood he was able to make the new serum. Also, I just came from his house, he perfected the new serum last night and texted me this morning. I was gonna come here tonight whether or not you wanted me near you, and I told the doctor if I didn’t meet up with him by the end of the week he should contact Hughie Campbell at Supe Affairs. I figured if something happened to me, Hughie would make sure you got the cure.”
“So…there really is a cure?”
You reached into your jacket pocket and took out the small bag containing a couple vials of the new Temp V and two empty syringes.
“It’ll either kill you quicker or you’ll be cancer free tomorrow,” you told him, handing over the bag before he looked inside. “You don’t have to risk it, but I wouldn’t be giving it to you if I didn’t one-hundred-percent believe it’s safe. If you don’t trust me, I understand and we can pretend-”
“Of course I trust you,” he cut you off. “And of course I wanna be fuckin’ cured, but this seems almost too good to be true?”
“I know.” You smiled. “The doctor tested it on himself and showed me the proof—he’s taken five doses over the last two weeks and he’s healthier than ever.”
“How long did he have powers?”
“Twenty-four-hours,” you said. “But he had the same side effects as the first Temp V; puking, headaches, all that shit. But, after everything, he was fine—no long term or deadly side effects.”
“If I take this…will you please stay with me while it lasts?” he asked quietly, not wanting to go through it all alone.
“I was planning to, whether you wanted me here or not,” you admitted.
“Thank you.”
You both sat down on the couch and you watched as Butcher took the serum, his eyes lighting up the same way they did before. He tossed the used syringe on the end table next to the couch and leaned back, allowing the serum to do its job and he could almost feel his strength come back.
“How’s it feel?” you asked.
“Fuckin’ hurts,” he said, “but I’m okay. It’s better than wastin’ away.”
“You can say that again,” you mumbled. “Can I scoot closer to you?” you asked, not wanting to be close unless he wanted you to be.
“Please,” he said and moved his arm to the back of the couch as you moved to sit right beside him.
“I’ve missed you,” you whispered, not really enjoying how quiet things had gotten.
“I’ve missed you, too,” he admitted. “I’m a fuckin’ idiot for how I acted, and you have every right to hate me, but thank you for not leaving when I told you to. Thank you for not walking out of my life for good.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Hm?”
“The only reason I didn’t leave was because I needed to know where you were when I got my hands on the cure. Once I knew you were healthy, I had planned to leave like you asked.”
He moved his arm from the couch and instead rested it on your shoulders; “Are you still planning to leave?”
“Only if you don’t ask me to stay,” you said honestly. “If you want to go back to the way things were a month ago, I’ll happily stay. But if you’re still freaked out about the fact I’m a Supe, I won’t bother you again once I know you’re okay.”
“Please stay,” he said. “I’m sorry about the shit I’ve said and done the past three weeks, but please stay.”
“Stay working at the bureau? Or stay…with you?”
“You can’t quit the bureau, you’re the smartest fuckin’ person there,” he said, making you laugh a little.
“I dunno, Hughie’s pretty smart too,” you teased.
There was another silent pause as Butcher thought of what to say. He couldn’t just ask you to take him back, that didn’t seem fair. He couldn’t just say he’d take you back, because that was even worse. He knew he fucked up big time, and any future the two of you had was entirely up to you at this point.
“Do you want to go back to the way things were?” you asked him quietly.
“I really, really do,” he whispered. “But I was too much of an asshole to deserve another chance with you.”
“After everything we’ve been through together, I’d rather just let all the shit we’ve done be water under the bridge, if that’s okay with you. Just let the lies we’ve both told slide and try to be more honest with each other from now on. Personally, I’ve got nothing else to hide and I know there’s nothing you could say or do that would make me stop loving you.”
“You still love me?”
“Of course,” you said. “Do you…love me?”
“Never stopped,” he mumbled. “And I’d really like all the shit to be water under the bridge too if you’re really willing to forgive me for everything.”
“So it’s settled then; all the stupid, fucked up things we’ve both done up until this point are forgiven and we can go back to normal?”
“I love you so much,” he said, smiling a little as he turned and kissed your temple.
“I love you too,” you replied.
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