#why is 9 so low i thought i was more of a peacemaker than that . what the gyatt

[apollotronica]

my my my

[opbackgrounds]

so I was doing some research after watching movie 6...

...and apparently it was originally written as a comedy

Yeah, I was surprised, too

Baron Omatsuri is not my favorite One Piece movie—Film Z has too many of my favorite tropes to be usurped from that position—but I do think it is the most daring. Of all the supplemental material I’ve seen and read, it feels the least...One Piece-ish. 

Yes, that includes the noodle commercials. 

If you haven’t seen the movie and can stomach a little spookiness, do yourself a favor and give it a watch. Unlike movies like Strong World or Z that have the look and feel of a manga arc, Movie 6 transplants the Straw Hat Pirates into a world that doesn’t feel like a One Piece story, taking risks and exploring themes that would never fit in the manga proper. 

In addition to the obvious changes in art and animation style, there are supernatural elements that don’t make sense within the One Piece world. None of the Straw Hats win a fight—Luffy included, although he is heavily implied to have killed the big bad at the end. The moral of the movie, if it can be said to have a moral, is if you lose the people closest to you, the answer is to forget about them and make new friends. The story ends with many questions left unanswered and the main drama between the crew unresolved.

And, if you allow me to get philosophical for a moment, I wish there were more movies like it. As I wrote in my review of Novel A, I don’t go to supplemental material or side stories looking for a repeat of what’s in the manga. Oda has written 1000 chapters of One Piece—why not spice things up a little and try something different for a change?

I know the answer isn’t that simple, and by their very nature not all risks will pan out. There will be people who don’t like this movie because it’s different, both in look and tone. But there’s something to be said about a creator putting their heart and soul into a work and having it show in the final product. 

Which brings us back to the original premise. How does a movie go from a light-hearted comedy based on a variety show theme to...this

Baron Omatsuri was directed by Mamoru Hosoda and came out in 2005. To put that into perspective, the movie was in production when the Luffy vs Usopp fight was first seen in the manga. Manga!Luffy had not yet faced the challenge of an inter-crew disputes when the story was being written and boarded, nor did the creative team have the events of Sabaody and Marineford to see how Luffy would react to the loss of his loved ones. They were working without a full understanding of Luffy’s character, and to a lessor extent the character of the Straw Hat Pirates, and it seems like Oda was much less involved In production than has been in movies since Strong World and beyond. 

Likewise, Hosoda had just left a tumultuous situation at Studio Ghibli while working on Howl’s Moving Castle, and if this interview is anything to go by (https://instrangeaeonsblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/mamoru-hosoda-on-omatsuri-danshaku-animestyle-interview-part-1/) was going through a lot of personal shit when he was brought on as director. The script he was given was originally written like a variety show—something that was carried over into the various trials seen in the final movie—and meant to be a lighthearted affair after the relatively serious Movie 5 (which I have not seen am thus unable to compare tone). 

With that backstory in mind, it’s easy to see how the bickering and backbiting between the Straw Hats early in the movie is a metaphor for Hosoda’s time at Ghibli, which is something he admits to in the interview. Movie 6 feels different than any other One Piece movie because it’s the project of a man who has had to endure the loss of those who he was close with, at least in a professional capacity. 

There are moments in Movie 6 where Luffy doesn’t feel like Luffy. More than once a member of the Straw Hats ask him to intervene during arguments, moments Luffy either ignores or doesn’t notice. It’s a version of Water 7 where instead of fighting Usopp, Luffy ignores the underlying differences within his crew, and as a result loses everybody. 

The structure of the three trials follows a clear path of deterioration within the crew, the initial goldfish scooping game showing the Straw Hats at their best and inciting the jealousy of the Baron, the ring toss sowing discord among the crew even as they snatch a narrow victory, only for them to be utterly crushed in the third and final challenge as they’re unable help one another survive. 

It is somewhat implied that the Breaking of the Fellowship(TM) is magical in nature—that like the One Ring, the Lily Carnation was able to influence the Straw Hat’s thoughts and actions, but this is never stated outright and I prefer the more mundane interpretation: That without strong leadership the Straw Hats fell victim to the manipulative machinations of the Baron, and simply self-destructed as a result.  In the end, it’s up to the interpretation of the viewer. 

And speaking of things up to interpretation, I love how the Lily Carnation isn’t explained in the slightest. The plant that initially absorbs the Straw Hats looks more like the stem of a devil fruit than a flower, it for some reason rings like a gong when hit, and somehow is able to turn pieces of itself into facsimile of the Baron’s old crew who can somehow move around despite being plans. It’s weird, it’s wonderful, and the element of the unknown works so well in the horror-lite setting. 

My personal theory is the island somehow managed to eat a devil fruit which manifests itself as the Lily Carnation (which due to the L/R conflation in Japanese, is pronounced ‘reincarnation’, which I think is a nice touch of foreshadowing that may or may not have been intentional).

(Also, I can’t decide if little chewing animation it makes when it’s eating people or the weird bullseyes it makes when shit gets real are the most terrifying thing in the movie.)

Hmmm, tasty.

Anyway, this is getting long, so here are some final thoughts:

1) This movie has some low key fantastic outfits. The Straw Hats all look very cool without being over designed like a lot of recent movies. Big hat Robin is of course a fave, and makes me really want to see her in a Carmen Sandiego getup.

2) Screenshots do not do the animation of the movie justice. It’s very fluid and has a lot of excellent expressions/poses, although I admit the 3D is jarring at times. Do not let the art put you off if you haven’t seen it 

3) Also, I don’t think there’s any shading? Like at all? The movie does a lot of cool stuff with color instead. For example, the scene where Luffy initially loses to the Baron his skin goes all grey, and I thought it was because he was fighting at night, but it stays grey even in the better lighting of the underground tunnels and stays that way until he finds out the Straw Hats are still alive, where it returns to his normal color

4) There’s an extended Benny Hill-type gag when Luffy first chases after the little mustache pirate that’s perfectly timed to the music, and ends when Luffy just uses his power to grab him. The comedic timing is amazing and it’s probably my favorite funny moment in the movie, of which there are several despite the overall darker tone

5) The extended jungle shot from Nami’s POV? Very cool

6) I love how from the earliest scenes nothing is as it seems. The opening text is Robin reading the map, but the storm that’s seen on screen is the one that sank the Baron’s crew. Likewise the whole fancy city is shown to be fake panels early on, the goldfish catching game is a trap, etc., etc. It does a good job clueing the viewer in early that’s something’s very wrong on the island, even if they don’t realize it at first

7) I don’t think this type of movie would work in modern One Piece without somehow nerfing Luffy. Horror works best when the protagonist is weak and vulnerable, and that fits best with a pre-Gear 2/3 Luffy (same with the rest of the crew, tbh. I was waiting for Nami to use her lightning stick during the games, forgetting it hadn’t been boosted yet). 

8) I like how there are four captains on the island representing different levels of loss—the Baron has lost his crew and wants to destroy all others because of it, mustache pirate lost his crew and is willing to put it behind him to make new friends, Luffy has freshly lost his crew and hasn’t decided what path he will go, and coward dad hasn’t lost his crew yet but is at risk if he doesn’t change his cowardly ways

9) I think the reason why Chopper was the first Straw Hat to disappear is he’s the most likely to play the part of peacemaker. He’s also the only crew member needing rescuing at the end of the goldfish scoop game, when Luffy foolishly puts his life at risk trying to save him from drowning, just like he recklessly charges the Baron at the end of the movie. Except that time there was no Sanji to save him, leaving Luffy to get his ass thoroughly kicked

10) This is a very good Halloween movie, and I’m glad I watched it in October

[arcticrxt]

Some dream smp mbtis and enneagrams bc I love it!!!

@dreamsclock here it is!!

Characters:

Wilbur

Ghostbur

Tommy

Dream

Tubbo

Quackity

Karl

Under the cut bc they’re kinda long. Keep in mind this is the characters and not the content creators :]

WILBUR

Personally for me I’d type c!wilbur as ENFJ which is interesting for a villainous character. When he spirals into madness, you can see his dominant function (Fe) become more unhealthy, leading to him being very manipulative. He shows Ti-grip when his Fe is left to burn out, becoming critical of others and their methods, preferring he do it instead (seen with tommy during their exile). Ni auxiliary is shown in his ambition and drive for his goal of L’manburg.

For his enneagram, i know wilbur said he based c!wilbur off of the song eight by sleeping at last, but hear me out,,, I was thinking maybe a 3w4. The 8 characteristics could be seen in a tritype of 368. Type three is named the achiever which in itself stands for his vision and ambition of L’manburg. 3w4s are often working towards personal growth and professional success. When unhealthy, 3s can get extremely competitive and prone to one-upping others. May reject their sense of self and develop intense mood swings. At worst they can backstab ruthlessly (tommy and the whole of L’manburg and pogtopia) and destroy others reputations solely for their benefit (“if i can’t have this no one can”). The tritype Im a bit if-y on but I’ll say 368 because it focuses on working hard, achieving personal best and developing a winning image. They will want to protect others from those they perceive as a target (dream, Schlatt), they will warn and caution others and seek “worthy” authorities they can respect.

GHOSTBUR His Si is incredibly high so imma say ISFJ. His main motive (id say) is wanting to collect stories of his past and the history of the nation he built, his “unfinished symphony”. Fe auxiliary is very strong as well as he shows a lot of compassion to others, offering them some blue in times of need and also not wanting anyone to feel sadness like he feels it. Ghostbur ignores his own feelings in order for others to feel safe. His Ti is shown through his need for gathering knowledge to understand alivebur and i could also see it through his internalised logic that the blue will help people. Not sure on inferior Ne, maybe through not wanting to see other possibilities in regards to his resurrection, however he was under a lot of stress since his home just got blown up, and friend died, so I can’t blame him.

He clearly doesn’t want conflict so I’ll say type 9. Needs peace and harmony (he gives out blue to help people). Soothing voice, and collected (except when Phil blew up L’manburg but that’s reasonable). He’s complacent, and humble, and will go the extra mile so long as to not rock the boat. Appreciative of the small things in life and enjoy simple pleasures.

TOMMY For Tommy I think ESFP which is probably one of the ones I’m up for more opinions on bc I’m not completely sure of his type. Se as dominant as he thrives on living in the moment but in an unhealthy way (unnecessary conflicts) He’s got a strong Fi auxiliary and you can see that through his personal morals and the way he usually makes decisions based off of emotions rather than objective facts and logical reasoning. He’s good at planning, but not at thinking out the longevity of it. Eg when heady exile and found technos house and lived under there, thinking techno would find him, this all shows Se-Te loop. He gradually develops an unhealthy Fi which leads to him disregarding external relationships (his friendship with tubbo) and commitments to maintain his internal love of the discs.

Enneagram wise, I’m definitely leaning towards 7w6. 7s are usually jumping from one thing to another and are constantly getting bored. The wing 6 brings loyalty and protectiveness. When unhealthy, sevens become narcissistic in their actions and presentation (see his confrontation with tubbo after tubbo thought he was dead, and the “the discs are worth more than you ever were” granted he quickly realises what he said but the mentality was still there).

DREAM I think he’s a fairly obvious stereotype unhealthy ENTJ. He has a very low Fi. When we see him driven by emotion (usually anger) it’s terrifying and we have no context about it at all except that it’s for a need of control. He knows how to manipulate people through his charisma and power in an ENTJ fashion. He lost attachment to his things very quickly (using Te and Ni to go forward logically while also showcasing his inferior Fi)

Dream is a very painfully obvious 8, probably an 8w7, but he is defined an 8. The eight has fiery passions and is usually stubborn and headstrong, they are serious about control over their environment. They are goal-oriented and self-competent. Eights are direct and aren’t shy when taking the lead and making tough decisions. They are often seen in leadership positions. The eight type is part of the “body based” triad and they often act impulsively. They crave respect and enjoy being likes by the group. When unhealthy, eights can become tyrannical and intimidating, scaring off others at first glance. They become addicted to the pursuit of power and will destroy anything blocking their path. Feelings and emotions become insignificant (spirit :’)) challengers become stone-cold and take an antagonist stand to anyone who questions them or their motives. This is the one I’m most most sure of out of every typing I’ve done bc it seems painfully obvious.

TUBBO I’d say probably an Fe dom so maybe ENFJ/ESFP but I’m leaning more to the ENFJ side. Tubbo realised after he thought tommy had died that, without tommy he was himself. Something Fe doms struggle with the most is self worth and personal identity. They’re caught up in wanting to help others that they don’t tend to their own needs. He’s careless and self sacrificing when it comes to the needs of others (him giving up his life so that tommy could have the discs and be happy) and bc he has such low self esteem he doesn’t realise that that’s not what tommy wants. The reason I’m more leaning to ENFJ is because of his inferior Ti. Though he didn’t want to due to dominant Fe, he was lead to believe exiling tommy was the best possible solution. You can see he regrets it after tommy and dream had left. When he was working under schlatt we saw his remorse and guilt even though he knew it had to be done. We see his dominant Fe during his time as president when others push him to do things and he usually agrees. He was manipulated through guilt by dream which is very unhealthy ENFJ.

(I wrote this before the ghostbur one so sorry for any repetitive language) For enneagram, type nine: the peacemaker. Type 9s are motivated by their need for peace and harmony (tubbo was manipulated into believing that getting rid of tommy would achieve this). They have a calm demeanour and are agreeable. They’re hardworking, friendly, and modest but also more serious and diligent than expected. (I’m not too sure on his enneagram which is why this is so short)

QUACKITY Estj imo. Like dream, he’s unhealthily obsessed with power, (unhealthy dominant Te). He abandoned L’manburg because schlatt wouldn’t let him have any say, and he was shoved to the side, despite it being a coalition government. He is very logical and controls others. He makes sure he comes out as the hero and that his hands are clean, learning it from past experiences (Si). He quickly finds ways to get out of situations through the use of tertiary Ne. Doesnt show a lot of Fi and he usually underestimates his opponents abilities and/or strength due to his overconfidence. He’s willing to kill anyone who goes against what he thinks and is stubborn and argumentative. He doesn’t like it when people are lazy and don’t contribute.

Also, similarly to dream, I’d type his enneagram as 8w7. The same with his obsession of power, and his strong/weak mindset where he thinks the world is made up of protectors and those who need to be protected (see him taking it upon himself to execute technoblade for the better of L’manburg) which is all very textbook 8. The opinions of others don’t have much effect on him. Eights are concerned with justice, combating oppression, and protecting the weak. He takes the lead in making tough decisions (he’s the butcher army leader). He becomes more antagonist and villainous with his actions against technoblade, believing he’s in the right. (I didn’t want to just copy out what I said for dream so this is a shortened version)

KARL Torn between ENFP and ESFP but leaning toward ENFP. He’s time travelling because he believes it’s the right the to do which is more so Fi, but could be Fe wanting to help others at his personal cost. But also the Fi-Te pair keeps him going and he won’t stop until it’s fulfilled (which is pretty Te imo). He is creative and good with imagination and ideas (Ne) (at the masquerade, although it was a comical excuse, he came up with minecraft streamer quickly, he was also able to answer billiams questions pretty quickly).

Even though it’s now canon he doesn’t choose when and where he travels to, which would have been a stronger argument for a type seven, he’s still enthusiastic at the times he travels to. He’s optimistic (with the mentality everything will go right for him because he believes it has to, even though he’s loosing a lot of memories atm). He’s got childlike energy and curious eyes. He wants to bounce from one place to another, he created two towns already, although one technically no one knows about gogtopia except for the founders and tommy who travelled through it. He’s well like and popular, which is often a 7 trait. The type 7 is part of the “heart-based” triad, and we can see him act through this with the way he seeks excitement as a means to distract himself from the darker, and more painful things in life. He ignores his fears in favour of positive experiences. For a wing, probably a 7w6 in favour of 7w8, the same as tommy. He’s loyal and a strong leader over being tough and more career-driven. If he was to turn unhealthy in the future, we might see him loose his groundedness, and start to live in a perpetual fantasy instead of reality.

Sorry for any typos or bad grammar :]

[throughthewwods]

100 Days of Productivity. Day 87

💜 enrolled my kiddo in some math tutoring over the summer

💙 had my first appointment with my new counselor

Seems like a good fit. He has experience with trauma and digging deeper, which is uncommon at these sort of community mental health organizations. he was also really good at managing our time constructively rather than letting our 45 minutes be whatever. He had me look into the Enneagram. I don’t particularly value personality profiles, but if it helps speed up his understanding of me then it’s fine. I explained to him I have an avoidant default mechanism to deal with my anxiety because the anxiety leads to debilitating depression, so he had me look into ‘type 9’. Avoidant, flowy people. Humorously, these are the exact kind of people I don’t get on well with because their excessive avoidance is a bull in a China shop.. So I took a quiz. I suppose I’m like a ‘type 5’, except the stereotype someone who craves knowledge is anti-social and lacks social intelligence. Type 6 seems true of my survivalism. ‘Type 4’ is a stretch though. I do want to live authentically, but I my ‘uniqueness’ has been more of an inconvenience than anything I aspired for. as for ‘type 2’, I do highly value living a life of compassion and helpfulness, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck if people‘like me’. This is why i think over generalizings like Myers-Briggs templates are bs..

98% MATCH Type 5 is described as The Investigator. Fives seek understanding and knowledge, and are more comfortable with data than people.

96% MATCH Type 6 is also known as The Skeptic. Sixes are preoccupied with security, seek safety, and like to be prepared for problems.

91% MATCH Type 4 is known as The Individualist. Fours want to be unique and to live life authentically, and are highly attuned to their emotional experience.

90% MATCH Type 2 can be described as The Giver. Twos want to be liked and find ways that they can be helpful to others so that they can be loved and belong.

86% MATCH Type 7 is described as The Enthusiast. Sevens want to have as much fun and adventure as possible and are easily bored.

78% MATCH Type 1 can be thought of as The Perfectionist. Ones place a lot of emphasis on following the rules and doing things correctly.

76% MATCH Type 8 is also known as The Challenger. Eights see themselves as strong and powerful and seek to stand up for what they believe in.

61% MATCH Type 3 is also known as The Achiever. Threes want to be successful and admired by other people, and are very conscious of their public image.

45% MATCH Type 9 is also called The Peacemaker. Nines like to keep a low profile and let the people around them set the agenda.

📚 Read a little on dialectic behavioral therapy

⭐️ scheduled an appointment to do some paperwork

💙 cooked a good dinner even though I didn’t feel up to it

💕 enjoyed more of Narnia with RB and kiddo

♥️ Had quality time with RB and a more passionate evening

Which is only worth mentioning because when two people are exhausted and stressed out it’s very easy to fall into a routine of laying down in a comfortable bed together and checking out mentally to a TV show that requires no mental energy ( bonus points if the plot is completely on relatable and somehow makes you feel better about your own life ) however, such a routine is not an aphrodisiac.

——-

Unfortunately, by the time I got done talking with my counselor about everything that is stressful and agitates my anxiety, I felt pretty drained, flat, well, anxious.. did not accomplish anything else really. I think today I just need to push grad school out of my mind entirely, so I can be at least a little productive on pressing things that need to be taken care of right now, not six months from now.

One of the nonprofits got back to me about possibly helping out with their support groups, so that’s good. Another domestic violence nonprofit got back to me, but they don’t expect to offer another training until fall.

I guess the only thing I want to reflect on at the moment is how grateful I am that RB is very good at creating a space where I can safely breathe, Makes it so I can just be... whether that’s venting a bit, chatting about nonsense and cracking dark jokes to get my mind off things, or laying in silence with my head rested on his chest listening to his heartbeat, not very much left in me.

Kiddo has also been much better about getting her schoolwork done lately, which is a beautiful reprieve.

[halorocks1214]

the law of action

AO3 Link

Word Count: 10100

Summary: The Law of Action must be applied in order for us to manifest things on earth. Therefore, we must engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | You are here! | Virgil | Scott | Gordon

these just keep getting longer fellas i dont understand how thats possible but it is. ALSO: REMEMBER IN ATTRACTION WHEN I MENTIONED THAT THESE WERE BEING WRITTEN OUT OF ORDER. HA, UH, KIND OF AN UNDERSTATEMENT I GUESS. but its here! johns pov chapter! im pretty satisfied with it, albeit a few kinks i wasnt really able to work out, so i hope you enjoy it too!

thanks again to @gumnut-logic for the prompts! "Where?" and lightning were this fic's choices. sad to see the last ones go away, but this was still a blast so thank you once more! also, just because the prompts are gone doesnt mean this series will be too ;3

Anger was a rare emotion for John Tracy.

It had to be. When dealing with the cold hard truth of data telling them something wasn't possible or dealing with annoying people who thought they knew better than him or dealing with people panicking in his ear because nobody expected the aftershock of an earthquake to be that bad, he didn’t have a choice. There were a lot of deals in life that had to be made and someone needed to play peacemaker, even if it wasn’t deserved.

It was true that he got the least angry out of his siblings, even compared to Virgil. Virgil might not get necessarily violent like Scott did, or threw caution to the wind like Gordon, or, hell, pulled off whatever John does when someone somehow manages puts him in a bad mood, but Virgil did get angry quite a lot. He just didn’t have as many blatant ways of showing it. John, on the other hand, didn’t have a lot of ticks. Pet peeves, definitely, John was no stranger to annoyance (especially with siblings like his), but not outright anger.

That didn’t mean he never got angry. He was Tracy born and bred, so that meant one the few ticks he did have surrounded the topic of family.

Specifically, his family being threatened.

John wished he was the youngest sometimes. That meant he could say things like let Scott punch the idiot already, he’d be doing the world a favor, and not get lambasted for the immature response. It also meant he could throw tantrums to hell and back and not feel like a total loser.

Like right now for example.

“EOS, I swear, if you don’t open the elevator door for me--”

“No, I won’t.”

Unbelievable.

Groaning and rubbing his face, his hands found their way up to his forehead and through his hair, holding his bangs out of his eyes for a moment. His eyes had many emotions in them, the most blatant being this shit cannot be happening right now, “EOS, do you know you’re amazing? I don’t think I’ve said that enough.”

EOS whirled for a moment, “John, I’ve seen that grin on Gordon. I cannot believe you would stoop that low.”

The grin she pointed out fell flat off his face, “Yeah, okay, you’re right about that--”

“Like I always am.”

“--So thank you,” John was going to strangle whoever defined sass so thoroughly in the dictionary. It left a bad example, “For the reminder, but seriously, I need to get up to ‘Five. It’s… important.”

It’s been a week since Alan was taken.

They’ve exhausted all options.

The only thing that could possibly get him back to them had to be International Rescue’s resources.

But EOS over here wasn’t getting the memo. Her words had that hint of childish innocence behind it. In that way that said there was no innocence whatsoever and she knew exactly what she was doing, the little shit, “John, do you really need to, or do you want to?”

There’s the inflection that John taught her. An inhale through the nose and… Uuuugghh, “EOS, I know the difference between needs and wants, this is definitely a need.”

Another lens blink, another moment of disbelief, “It seems like you have a lot of needs, John Tracy.”

John grimaced and ground his jaw together, mumbling his grievances with the current situation, “Yeah, well, if there’s any trait I truly share with my siblings, it’s that we’re all high maintenance.” His next words were more clear and designed to get the point across, “EOS, I’m not kidding, unlock the door.”

EOS stood her ground, “John, you going up there is one of the most detrimental things to you’re health at the current moment. I won’t let you.”

John threw his hands into the air, “EOS, there’s are whole lotta things that are currently detrimental to my health currently happening, one more thing won’t hurt.”

EOS lens shuttered again and John felt like it was nails on a chalkboard, “You have a point, but I’ve seen you with Scott when he’s in a similar mood. Don’t you tell him he needs to take a moment and think when he gets like this?”

John groaned as quietly as possible. Not too loud, but loud enough that EOS hopefully got the point, “Yes, I do, but I’m not Scott. We are two very different people, you have pointed this out numerous times. We have different ways of handling things, this, and ‘Five is exactly how I can fix this problem.”

That was not how he should’ve worded that. Her lights flickered in sympathy, sympathy, and he knew she finally figured out what John was trying to get at, “John, there may still be a lot I have to learn, but at least I understand--”

“No, EOS!” John snapped before he could help himself. Before she could finish explaining her point of view that was most likely right, but his desperate brain didn’t want to hear it. His brain that was running on zero energy telling him this was taking too long, fix that, “You can’t understand!”

Just like that, John was reminded of why he hated getting angry.

As soon as the words left his mouth, so did the air in his lungs. Through sheer will and determination, the only thing that didn’t leave his body was the little amounts of food he ate over the past seven days, though it really wanted to. He became very pale, and EOS could detect the not-so-trace amounts of fear that fell over his eyes.

Dammit, you idiot. Months upon that past year of work were now going to go down the drain because you blew your lid just this once! First, the call with Alan, now telling the one thing that could kill you in your sleep she’ll never essentially be good enough was--

“I know, John.”

His food came back with a vengeance, but he was bullheaded as hell, and he already caused enough damage. The last thing anyone needed was to clean up vomit. It would’ve been nicer if she got angry at him. He could handle being thrown out into space. He couldn’t handle EOS admitting he was right, least of all over blatantly cruel words.

He channeled the energy his stomach wanted to use into weak words, “E-EOS, I…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Sorry surely wasn’t going to fucking cut it.

Well, whatever he wanted to cut didn’t come up, as EOS continued as if John wasn’t the worst thing on the planet, “I’ve been doing some reading. I understand that I’ll never really understand certain human-based things like you do. You, humans, have gotten close, me being one of the better examples, as long as that’s not considered bragging, but even I’m not at that level yet. But I do at least know you and your habits. I put up with them on a daily basis.”

Because if there’s anything else John needed to fail this week, it was the one promise he made to her. His promise to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn’t treated like a mindless robot by some crazy scientists ready and willing to cut her circuitry wide open like a middle-school science project. While he would never even get close to being a quote-on-quote crazy scientist, never in a million light-years, he surely didn’t follow that middle part of his promise, “EOS, listen, I--”

“Please, John,” and now she was pleading, thinking he was going to ask to use the elevator again. Thinking he wasn’t going to give up, even after all of that. John might’ve laughed if it wasn’t his fucking fault, “I’ll help look for more options if it means you’ll stay here for a little while longer. You should stay with your family. I know how they affect you in those positive ways that you currently need.”

John was abruptly aware of his heavy, almost wheeze-like breathing. If he wasn’t careful, it could delve into one whopper panic attack, which would be so great right now, “Y-Yeah, okay. They probably won’t understand the effects of gravity over an elongated period of time like I do, so I can stay and help with that, at least. Thank you.”

As John turned around, he heard EOS whisper to herself. He could blearily tell it was actually fondness that filled her vocal waves for once, but it still stung regardless, “Idiot.”

Yeah, he really was, wasn’t he.

As he helped look over his Dad’s med-scan with Virgil, when Virgil went looking for something on the other side of the room, his father whispered, “I know this is a bad question right about now, but, is there anything we can do for you? Maybe even I? You look dead on your feet.”

John could only reply to the first half of his father’s statement with a meek, “I don’t know anymore.”

---

16-year-old John Tracy was seated atop his roof, making sure he got the perfect view of the Big-Dipper.

He was hoping to spot a more exciting constellation when he first used his new telescope, but dangit! He was just so excited to get cracking right away! He just got back from his birthday party, Alan and Gordon snoozing in their rooms while Scott and Virgil secretly finished off the cake. That was okay. John was too busy focusing on his new expensive toy to worry about having any more sweets.

His dad could pull some strings when it counted.

Newest model. The only other people who have this baby are scientists at NASA. Happy birthday, John. Sorry I didn’t get you a car like Scott.

Fuck cool cars. John would be on cloud 9 for days with this thing. Scott would call him a nerd for it. Jokes on Scott, he couldn’t zoom about 10 thousand miles into space now, could he?

Right as he nailed it, the world shook. Large arms snaked around his waist and he involuntarily found himself giggling at the contact. As soon as those limbs let go, he blushed at his reaction and cleared his throat. Suddenly, the arms were an entire body sitting down right next to him, speaking with their ever-comforting burly voice, “Hiya, son, I see you just couldn’t wait, huh?”

Rolling his eyes, John turned back into his serious, analytical self once more, “Yup, this thing’s crazy. I’m glad I got out here as quickly as I did.”

Jeff simply grinned. John was always reserved, but Jeff was a good translator for all of his sons, and he could tell that John meant this is one of the best things in my life holy crap, “That’s great to hear. The look on your face when I brought this out of the closet was certainly good enough to last me a few lifetimes.”

John snorted, “I bet it was. I heard Gordon joking about it with Alan. I don’t think I need to see any pictures anymore. I have a pretty good mental image of what I looked like.”

Jeff smiled and sighed, “No kidding. “Like a goldfish with a broken jaw.” Not the most eloquent, that Gordon is.”

Laughter rang out throughout the roof, followed by a few moments of silence. Not awkward, but not really welcomed on John’s part either, “Do you…” Stop it, John, you’re asking for too much, “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

Jeff tilted an eyebrow, “Oh, is it? I guess you would know if something were smart or dumb, so I trust your judgment.”

Dangit, Dad, why are you so manipulative, and why are you so good at it, “I don’t know. I’ve established I wanted to be an astronaut, right?”

Jeff nodded, “Mmhmm.”

John, for some reason, felt like he needed to tread carefully, “You are also an astronaut. If there was any way for you to be able to… could you… could you come up with me the first time?”

Jeff blinked in shock, and before his son could register that as disapproval, “Huh, well, that’s certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. Sure, I don’t see why not.”

Now it was John’s turn to blink, his mouth gaped, “Wait, what? Are you serious? Aren’t there rules for this kind of stuff?”

Jeff shrugged, his shoulders clearly saying rules shmules, “I’m also one of the biggest entrepreneurs on the planet itself, and one of the most renowned ex-astronauts there are. You would not believe the lengths people are willing to go to kiss my ass. Would you feel better if I pinky promised?”

John’s nose scrunched, “You can never truly promise anything, you know.”

His father chuckled, used to his son’s antics. John was reserved, remember, “Well, you boys always credited me with doing the impossible.”

John continued challenging him, “When we were all less than 10, yeah, sure. I think Alan still thinks you can breathe in space. You. Specifically. No one else. I think he said you only wore the helmet to “protect your secret so the evil movie scientists don’t take you away.””

Chuckles turned into laughter and a clap on John’s shoulder, “Well, glad to see I still got the magic touch at least.” That same arm that playfully smacked him was now wrapped around his shoulders, “Just you wait, Johnny boy, if I can’t get on that ship with you, then you bet your ass I’ll at least be the loudest one cheering in the crowd.”

Then, suddenly, John was right, like he always was.

A promise that never should have been made: broken. A wish never fulfilled.

Dad was swallowed up by the very thing John loved.

No more space stories, no more fun moon facts, there was a void in John’s life as big as the galaxy itself, and he wasn’t sure how to walk around it, or God forbid even into it.

He tried to be the healthy sibling about it. He tried so hard. Getting through high school quicker than most so he could just worry about his family. Scott and Grandma were doing their best, and in so many ways, it was enough, but even they couldn’t bear all of the stress themselves.

But then his high school graduation came and Grandma gave him one of the biggest hugs of his and her life and he realized that he would never get one from his father again. His mom leaving this world was already bad enough, but at least his dad was there and knew how to fill in the gap after years and years of his marriage with her. You didn’t marry a woman like Lucille Tracy and not fundamentally understand how the gears in her brain turned lest you were truly insane. Maybe Dad was. Certainly would explain a lot of things from John’s perspective. Certainly would explain why she married him in the first place. Crazy attracts crazy.

Regardless, the one thing closest to his mom’s warmth and care was gone, and if he spent the night of his graduation party quietly sobbing his eyes out while the others slept, well, then he was glad they kept snoring.

Try as he might, he became just as unhealthy and unbalanced as the rest of his family, but he was more subtle about it. His self-destructive ways weren’t bad if other people had them, but when it came to him, oh, he knew it was the worst thing he could do in terms of recovery. That’s probably why the rest of the family didn’t notice (Good). John was smart, he would know better. Yes, he did, which is exactly why he dived headfirst right into it all.

Focusing on college, getting up into the star-filled void closer to his dead relatives as quickly as possible, focusing on the here-and-now to make sure this shit didn’t happen again. Making sure no family went through what theirs did.

And maybe that’s why, why he couldn’t handle the touch of others wanting to comfort him. Because it reminded him too much of what they used to have, of what they used to be. Too many hugs and kisses from others might wash away what his mom’s and dad’s felt like, and out of all the things they could potentially lose from this, those were the worst possible ones.

John was a Tracy, which meant he was stubborn.

He wasn’t going to lose the last few things he remembered about his parents if he could help it.

---

It had been just under a month, and John finally got what he wanted.

And it wasn’t working like he thought it would, if at all.

He’s been on ‘Five for three days, and for just a fleeting moment, it washed away any uncertainty. He felt back in control, if only minorly, and he held the world at his fingertips once more. Too bad the world he wanted to fix was so far away it felt like it was on the other side of the frickin solar system itself.

He promised his family four days at most. Please, just one chance. We won’t know unless we try. He wasn’t sure what cracked them first, them coming upon dead end after dead end, them finally seeing reason behind John’s argument, or if they just got annoyed with the space monitor after endless nagging and relented like tired parents.

The tiny part of John’s mind that still allowed him to joke kinda hoped it was the third option. “Easy child”, pfft. John’ll show them.

Right, right, a clear head, the most focused of IR, he can’t get unfocused or go too far off track. He’s saved many lives throughout his life, all of them thanks to his level head, but right now, he was arguably saving the most important life of all, so that meant he had even more incentive to stay focused.

In fact, he was so focused, he jumped at the sudden, feminine voice filling the room, “John, I found another article I think you would like to see about most common places criminals… John?”

Crap, he was halfway into the fetal position. Slowly uncurling, John nodded, “Oh, thank you, EOS. I’ll start reading it shortly.”

The noise of her lens adjusting sounded throughout ‘Five again, “Of course. Let me know if you would like me to start searching for a different topic, though. There has to be a limit to how many “You wouldn’t believe this” articles one can take, and I think I’m finding it really quickly.”

For the next few seconds, John was suddenly filled with a rush of determination he had been trying to get after their little confrontation in front of a locked elevator door to ‘Five.

She had been helping him out so much the past couple of weeks. Running unnecessary tests for him, searching parts of the web only she could search without getting tracked by some secret mafia, letting him know it was okay if he couldn’t get everything right the first time when two months ago she snapped at him for getting a simple algebra equation wrong due to lack of sleep. She had been especially patient with him recently, even after their little spat in the hangar, and John wasn’t sure how to process it. A tiny part wanted to resort to anger again because he clearly didn’t deserve her, but the more prevalent parts preferred something like depression or even apathy.

She had been making sure his world didn’t spin off its axis, and John couldn’t even tell her sorry until now.

“EOS, I’m sorry.”

She stopped moving, turned around and let her lights blink yellow for only a moment, “For what, John?”

The man in question waved his hands around in front of his face, lost, confusing her more. With a sigh, he explained, “For a lot of things, but mainly from a few weeks back when we had that argument. I said something that wasn’t okay, and I didn’t have the balls to own up to it until now. So, I’m sorry. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have even been near.”

For a little bit, it was quiet. John waited as the A.I. contemplated his words. Then, she spoke her judgment, “Well, I know you are. You haven’t exactly been working off your butt over nothing, right? Plus, reliable sources say one of the ways guilt manifests is anger. I’ve seen that with the rest of your family. It would make sense yours would too.”

John blinked. Part of him was expecting her to not fully understand why he was apologizing, but the other wanted her to just so he could get over this, just so he could let go of even just the teeniest amount of guilt he had, “EOS, anger isn’t a valid excuse. What I said was wrong. I don’t believe those words and you shouldn’t either. The whole point of this partnership is to show you that there’s more to life than just calculations and probabilities. It’s kind of hard to see that when the one person who promised to be different went and screwed it up anyway.”

John hoped EOS was at least questioning things now instead of letting his words go in one ear and out the other. Her next words said she was doing exactly the latter, “Okay. I don’t disagree with you, John, but I don’t know why you’re so hooked on this. I understand. We don’t have to worry about this unnecessarily anymore.”

Yes, you do understand. That’s the fucking point.

They weren’t getting anywhere, yet John didn’t even have the energy to groan in annoyance. He could even get his eyebrow to twitch.

All he could do was simply lean his head back against the wall and let his hair stick up against it like static electricity was flowing through it. The real reason it was sticking up was probably due to a mixture of Zero-Gs and grease from all of the showering he hasn’t been doing, however. His eyes had deep rings around them, and for a second, EOS thought about how relative age could be as a number while John softly spoke, “The Hood was an angry man, too, you know. He felt slighted by our family and wanted us to feel the same. It still doesn’t make what he did right.”

EOS thought about his words before coming to a logical conclusion, “Well, that’s certainly a leap in logic. There’s a big gap between simply yelling because you’re annoyed and literal kidnapping. One gives people a sour mood, the other gives them a significant amount of jail--”

“Yes, EOS, I’m aware of that,” John brought his hand to his face, but underneath it was a grin, telling the world that he was feeling fond exasperation more than anything. EOS was more obtuse than him sometimes. It was one of the few things of himself he wished she didn’t copy so easily. He sighed and brought his hand back down, “I’m just... putting things into perspective. I want you to see why my words were wrong. It would make me feel better if you did.”

EOS hung still, letting John’s admission roll over her wiring like a wave of electricity, “You have a lot of needs and wants. What takes precedent?”

More inflection. This time, John welcomed it. It gave him something to stand on. John wanted a lot of things. Alan to be home safe and sound, Dad to have not disappeared for nearly a decade, for his brothers to stop slowly killing themselves, for himself to stop, but the needs of the many, even the needs of one, outweigh the wants of a singular man like him, but, “Well, needs obviously, they’re necessary, however… it’s okay to be selfish every once in a blue moon. It doesn’t make you inherently bad.”

It was advice he parroted many-a-times to his family, some of them more often than others, seldom to himself if at all.

Scott, it’s okay if you have to tell them you can’t make this business conference.

Virgil, you can count inventory in the morning. You didn’t get any sleep last night either.

Gordon, if you can’t smile for a day or two, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Kayo, you don’t have to patrol every night. We have security cams for a reason.

Alan, I know we tease you, but you missing a chore or two isn’t the end of the world.

Grandma, you already do enough for us, you barely cooking for us is the least of our worries.

That last one might be more for the rest of his family than not, but hey, two birds and one stone. Keeping his back against the wall, John stood up straighter against it, face suddenly serious, “In fact, wanting to be selfish is one of the best ways to tell that you’re human. You can’t escape it. It only becomes bad when you end up only being that.”

EOS sat in silence, her lens flickering in that way it always does when she was signifying she was about to pass judgment like a Goddess, which she seemed to be doing a lot more recently, “Well then… If I’m allowed one moment of self-reprieve, I suppose I should say that those words did… hurt.”

John grimaced despite very much understanding that he deserved it. The return of the inflection didn’t exactly help. Pushing himself away from the wall, he felt the metaphorical weight fall off his shoulders, “Yes, they did, and while they weren’t okay, it is okay to say that they weren’t. I still am very sorry.”

EOS adjusted her camera, probably to stall for time, “I know you are, John. I still forgive you, but am I correct in assuming I’m allowed some time to… recover isn’t the word I’m looking for, but--”

“Yes, EOS,” John helped her explain her own point, “Recover is a good word. You’re allowed that if you want it.”

John wasn’t sure how, but it seemed like EOS visibly relaxed, “Thank you, then, for letting me do that. This.”

For some reason, John did too, “Of course.”

It was a soft kind of awkward silence, where both parties had something on their mind but they weren’t entirely sure if they wanted to say it out loud. This is why EOS appreciated John more than the others, he simply let silence be silence. It allowed her time to think, unlike how Scott and Virgil kept asking questions, or how that awful duo made noises and messes only to have a chance at making people laugh. As if that was the most important thing they needed to do.

The nights the youngest called John were endless with his constant babbling that tended to grate her circuit boards. The only reason she let it happen was that John seemed to loosen up at the interaction. He became less weary, less worried-filled. He seemed to greatly enjoy the audial presence of Alan Tracy, let alone the way he lit up when the youngest actually showed up in person. It was just unfortunate that it seemed like the kid could never keep his mouth shut.

Then again… from what John said, the whole reason there wasn’t any more Alan was because he did keep it shut. At the worst moment possible. Now there wouldn’t be any more babbling period. Alan was gone, and the whole family was suffering from the new silence. EOS reasoned it was from the general idea of forced silence instead of just freely being able to leave the room or being able to tell him to quiet down, but maybe it was more than that. She could make another list of options to consider.

Plus, it was weird to think about a future where all of those video game walkthroughs she was forced to save would never be used again. John insisted that they weren’t just wastes of megabytes, so...

Hmm.

“Could you…” EOS trailed off, and before John could comprehend the unusual behavior of the A.I., she started speaking again, “Could you tell me more about Alan? I’m starting to think I judged him rather harshly.”

John took a moment to register her words and promptly snorted, “Well, most of your assumptions about him aren’t entirely unfounded, but that’s one of the joys of being an older sibling, I guess. Surprises around every corner,” there was regret in her voice and John knew he had to treat this as gently as he would a newborn child otherwise he would never hear it again.

EOS flickered, “I thought you didn’t like surprises.”

Uh, “Well, not usually, but there are a few from time to time that I could look back on and call them… quaint, in a sense.” Suddenly, a memory resurfaced, and John found himself grinning like he was doped up on nitrous oxide, “Yeah, they can have good surprises occasionally…”

It was a week before his next rotation. Scott would be back home in about three days, which allowed the second born to actually have a few moments with his only older brother. He was looking forward to it just as much as Scott was. Right now, though, he had to make sure he got the right angle.

Right as he did, he heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps come up the ladder, and when he turned around, he was met with a bundle of freckles, “Oh, hey Alan.”

Hi, Johnny, the kid squirmed out, Is it okay if I sit next to you?

At first, a list of things wanted to fill John’s head. You look dead on your feet, you should be asleep, you have a lot going on this week so why are you wasting sleep? but instead of any of those filling the void that was his brain, John simply nodded, “Yeah, sure, come pop a squat, Sprout.”

John looked away right before he could watch Alan’s nose wrinkle in displeasure. Despite the usage of the nickname (that Alan secretly liked, don’t think you could pull that wool over our eyes, little bro), the kid still toddled over and flopped himself down right next to his older brother. Sighing, the kid leaned his head on John’s arm and absentmindedly stared out into space, both figuratively and literally. Satisfied his brother was comfy, John went back to his current objective.

As John examined the night sky, he also carefully looked over Alan out of the corner of his eye. Every bruise that John could see was finally dulling out into that familiar greyish-yellow as bruises do, and the sight was enough to calm any negative emotion being created from the reminder. John refocused on his telescope to help as well.

The kid had been through one hell of a week, bullies being their typical selves. Every Tracy outside of Scott and Gordon had their fair share of their own experiences with nasty people, and it wasn’t even the first time they’ve left their special kind of blue-and-black marks, but seeing it on Alan was… worse, somehow. Virgil had unsavory anonymous notes at ‘best’, and John knew first hand that their hits bruised more than just physical skin. So to see Alan get the same treatment and not say anything...

John was starting to understand why his older brother greyed so easily.

Speaking of which, Scott was pretty peeved at the idea of not being there for Alan. Because of this, John made sure to be the sole one to call him and inform him of the awful news while the older brother was out at his designated Air Force base. John wanted to see with his own two eyes that Scott wouldn’t do anything rash and made himself liable to be put on some kind of list.

You would think he wouldn’t be that stupid, but the Tracys are known for breaking expectations over their sweet, sweet kneecaps.

(“Scott, you’re not going to steal an Air Force jet just to come and beat up some dumb kids.”

“Watch me.”

“They’re only a year older than Alan.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose, “Listen, we already scarred them enough as it is, let alone their expulsions. Grandma’s threats to the adults were liable for a government-mandated therapist, Virgil just being there had them running for the hills, the computer I was sporting sent chills down their spines and throughout the hallways, and that’s not even to mention Gordon’s threats to the kids themselves. Seriously, where would a 15-year-old even get the tools to do that?”

Scott visibly relaxed at John’s point, but he still sat a little taut, not fully accepting the idea of people being cruel enough to hurt a literal ray of sunshine, “Fine, fine, I still want to talk to the kid over a call at some point. He was the one who dealt with those idiots.”

John’s shoulders deflated, “Yeah, you got me there. He’ll be back with Virgil and Gordon soon enough, you can see him then.”

Scott smiled in a way that washed away the greys in his hair, if only for a moment, “Awesome, I--”

John wasn’t completely done, “But I’m going to be with Alan while you talk to him. I don’t trust you to not be in search-and-destroy mode, and the last thing Alan needs is an angry you with no buffer. Besides, I’m pretty sure we have the same questions. I can play the angsty-Scott translator tonight. Usual fee, 10 bucks each word.”

The groan that managed to fill the whole house despite the tiny speakers was one John would never forget.)

Too lost in thought, John didn’t catch Alan’s movements at first. Leaning away from his telescope, John focused on Alan, “Sorry, Allie, did you say something?”

The child simply shrugged and smushed his chubby cheeks against John’s side, shaking his head, followed by his hands, I just wanted to see what you were doing.

Ah, that made sense. Alan had been continuously signing for the past year because of the obvious, so John rolled with the punches. It was always funny when they talked about these years in the future. Alan talked, Alan said, Alan brought up: it was always metaphorical, and nobody could believe them when they said Alan was fluent in ASL, let alone because he could actually go half a day without talking.

It was ironic because even with no words, Alan still managed to be the loudest thing on the planet. His hands always screamed with excitement whenever he felt like ‘talking’, and no brother ever felt like shutting him up. Especially when it was so easy for Alan to simply not shake his hands to hide the fact that he was in trouble--

Right, don’t go there. John shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts and replied to the non-verbal admission, “Just looking at the stars. Recording their coordinates and whatnot.”

A small gasp had John jerking immediately away from his scope to see Alan suddenly very worried, maybe even fearful, But won’t you lose your eyes?!

Aha, what? “Allie, you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

John almost didn’t catch what Alan was trying to explain with the way he frantically shook his hands even faster than before, Mrs. Gatsen explained to us that the sun was a star too, but we’re not allowed to look at it for too long because it’ll steal our eyes! I don’t want you to lose your eyes, Johnny!

Ohoho, the part of John’s brain that was all about the smartsy stuff was gearing up to have a full-blown seminar of sorts, but the way the kid seemed so sincere in his worry, in his fear, John felt partially bad for giggling instead, “Oh, Allie, no. Here,” John was activating his inner Virgil and Scott with the way he grabbed the youngster and placed him in his lap, “Yes, the sun is a star, but there are many kinds of stars. Most of which don’t hurt your eyes. Take a look.”

Alan gave one last sentimental look at John, who nodded again just to reassure the blonde before the boy gulped and put his eye against the tool like Johnny did. This time, the gasp that came from him was more magical, more child-like, as it always should be. John watched on as the kid became stuck to his telescope like glue.

Suddenly, Alan leaned back into John, somewhat knocking the wind out of him. Honestly, now that he was thinking about it, John realized he was pushing it by letting Alan sit next to him in terms of his personal comfort zone. He loved Allie just as much as the rest of the family, but letting them in, letting them get close, was veering dangerously close to that specific ‘hug’ territory like he and his parents had.

Before John could explain that in a child-friendly way, and hopefully in a way where the too-smart-for-his-own-good kid couldn’t pick up on the hidden message, Alan looked him directly in the eyes and confidently signed his wants, Can we do this more often? Can we?

Just like that, John’s mind blanked. Alan wanted to do something with him. Not swim with Gordon, not music with Virgil, not do, well, anything with Scott, Allie found something that he would like to do with John.

Huh, interesting, “Yeah, sure. If we can’t do it in the next week, then the first thing we’ll do when I come down is stargaze, because that’s what it’s called: stargazing.”

Alan started gripping his arm tighter and leaned more into his chest, nodding vigorously at the news and looking back to the sky with newfound wonder. Letting Alan be, abruptly forgetting his grievances with things like touch, John went back to his telescope. After another minute or so, John reached a point where he needed both sides of his body, except it looked like one of them was going to be kept immobile unless the spaceman said something to Alan.

John tried doing just that, just without looking away from his device, “Hey, Allie, I don’t mind the sitting-in-my-lap and stuff, but I do need my arm back to--”

Snoring.

Oh.

Jerking his head to physically look at his sibling, John found Alan passed out and squeezing his arm like a freckled koala bear. The ginger flinched a little bit at the drool dripping onto his sleeve, but the way Allie melted into him made him-- actually, he was very suddenly aware that this whole night he hadn’t really been thinking at all, and that thought made him continue to stare mindlessly at the dozing brother.

He always thought about, well, everything. What he was going to say, what he planned to do tomorrow, about what the future held now that they were down their second and last parent. If he didn’t think about it beforehand, he rarely did it. He had to make sure he went through all of his options before haphazardly jumping into the pits of hell.

Yet the way his younger brother looked at him like he was the world himself tonight made John throw all of his training to be as cautious as possible out the window in a need to comfort and care for the small thing in front of him.

It was shocking to his mind, yet he didn’t resent just being able to do without worrying too much. Was this how smother complexes started? Did he ever drool on Scott’s arm? Still staring at Alan, John’s mind continued to be robotic as he simply let his younger brother be and went back to his telescope. Alan had been needing to get a little more sleep lately anyway.

Yeah, it was fine. He could figure out how to follow up on his words later. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out a way to squeeze Alan into some of his already-planned stargazing nights while making sure the kid still got sleep. Also, John’s used telescopes wearing a cast and sling before, he might prefer two arms, but he has been okay with only one.

If Grandma yelled at John for spending too much time on the roof again, well, she would have to get over it. Alan got an extra hour of sleep and that was all that mattered.

EOS watched as John finished the story. Once he was done, he continued to be quiet while grinning at nothing. All he was doing was simply staring at the floor… It was slightly creepy, and EOS cleared her nonexistent throat, “Huh, I didn’t realize he got a lot of his interests from you. Maybe… maybe you could show me why he did. He can too. More perspectives always get more data.”

John blinked and was immediately taken out of his trance. He brought his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, “Yeah, he-- wait, what?”

EOS sighed. This is another reason why she snapped him out of it; his inability to listen to someone right in front of him. She simplified her words, “If Alan comes back, can you two take me stargazing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen what the stars look like down there, or, at least, I never looked at them long enough to understand what you all find to be so fascinating about them.”

John blinked a few more times with his mouth slightly gaped. He looked around nervously before bringing his turquoise eyes to look EOS directly in the middle of her camera, “Yeah, sure, EOS. When Alan gets back, that’s the first thing we’ll do.”

EOS didn’t mention anything about the correction of if to when, “Thank you, John, I would like that very much.”

John nodded and floated back to his tech, “Of course. Now then, we’ve got work to do. I’ve been meaning to stargaze recently anyway.”

He still had one more day up here.

And a baby brother who needed saving.

How hard could it be?

---

Very.

Growling in frustration, he thumped his fist against the wall next to him rather harshly.

Not enough to leave any kind of mark or dent, but enough for him to focus on the tiny amount of pain it gave him. He vaguely heard EOS’s lens flare at the sudden noise, but he was a little too focused on why he felt the need to hit his girl.

It was the end of the last day, and he didn’t make it any further like he thought he would.

Some bleak part of his mind was hoped, prayed that his girl would have the tools to find their baby brother. He was willing to bend her entire satellite to be able to reach the far ends of the galaxy if he had to, but even he had to concede that she wasn’t enough. The Hood wasn’t dumb, unfortunately, and he wasn’t going to go easy on them. That is if he was even going “to go” on them to start with.

While it wasn’t the first time he failed spectacularly, this failure certainly hurt the worst.

Half of him wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything for a moment (or maybe forever), but the other half won out in terms of what his body contorted into. Instead of curling up like a prickly hedgehog, he leaned backward to be floating with his back to the ground and his face to the ceiling with his face in his hands. Meanwhile, EOS silently gazed from her camera in the corner. Watching John struggle this way was… new, and it twisted her wires in a way she wasn’t sure she could describe.

EOS watched him mumble something. Huh, peculiar as ever. Adjusting her camera, she tried small talk, “What was that, John?”

Still mumbles, but more intelligible, “... I need to drop the ‘s’.”

A flicker of yellow, nothing but pure confusion for once in her robotic life, “The ‘s’ of what?”

Suddenly, the astronaut was standing (well, floating) upright with a look of disdain, but EOS could see that it wasn’t meant for her, “Of ‘she’. It’s not ‘Five’s fault, God, it never is, but maybe… maybe it’s mine.”

All of her programs should allow her to say something. Anything, sugarcoated or not, would be beneficial to this seemingly one-sided conversation, but this was the moment she learned that humans could be faster than computers since John steamrolled right to the point without hesitation, “He wasn’t good enough sounds better. Nothing I’m doing is getting any results. I gave my family false hope that I would find something and now I have to go to them and essentially break them. They were already barely holding it together as it was, but when the “smart one” in their family says there’s nothing he can do…”

She found herself going against the logical part of her program-- because despite the idiot John Tracy could be, when he made an argument that had any kind of evidence you never could go against it-- the first time in, well, ever, in an attempt to comfort her partner, “John… I think you’re grasping at straws here.”

He looked up from the floor, and EOS had to shrink her lens at the sight of unshed tears in his eyes, “Who was the one that called him?! Me! He was standing there only a few rooms over, probably terrified out of his mind, and I didn’t know. I let him slip between our fingers because I was so caught up in the moment and I hate myself for it.”

EOS found herself speechless for once, and the few droplets of tears that floated in front of John’s face didn’t help. She had been trying her best recently, especially recently, to understand the fluctuations of human emotion, and she was pretty sure she had decent tabs on at least John nowadays, but this was something unexpected, a thing her programming never really liked to deal with. It involved lots of new calculations and new sims, why, it made things seconds longer when they didn’t have the time to deal with it!

Her electronic voice box made a noise with the intent to say something, as she thought she finally had the time to deal with it, but just her luck, more unexpected things made her reapproach the issue at hand, “John, look out! The Chaos Crew!”

Blinking out of his self-deprecation train, John was uncharacteristically panicking, “What, where?” After doing a full 180, John eventually saw one of his comm radios with the familiar pink symbol floating above it.

John’s pupils shrunk and his eyebrows tilted downward in that unfamiliar emotion: anger.

Fuck this.

The mood change was as fast as the speed of lightning. John practically flung himself to the communication device on something akin to a warpath. No longer regretful or depressed, John was filled to the brim with fury at the sight of one of the men that was a constant thorn in the Tracy family’s side, “What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you--”

“Wait wait wait!” Fuse pleaded, making John momentarily pause enough to listen, “I’m not good at this like my sister is, so this connection is going to drop soon. I need you to reopen the line yourself so I can explain what I’m here for! Trust me, I swear I’m not--”

Zip.

Blinking at the lack of noise, John slowly turned his head to look at his A.I. to get her opinion on the matter. It wasn’t a positive one, that’s for sure. Her dots were bright red, and for the first time in a while, he found himself flinching at the sight and sound of her, “It wouldn’t take much of me to get rid of the nuisance, you know.”

Taking a few deep breaths, John shook his head, “No, EOS, give me a sec. Don’t send him careening into space.”

Yet.

With shaky hands, John did as Fuse begged and found the comm line the guy haphazardly threw together. Right as Fuse jumped at the sight of one of the Tracys actually hearing him out, John’s voice spoke coldly, “You have five minutes. Go.”

Fuse gulped, “W-Well, I suppose the first thing to do would be to apologize. I’ve caused a lot of messes for you and your family-- heh, ‘messes’ probably doesn’t even come close to explaining what I did-- and I realize that now, so I want to--”

Ah, that tactic. The one where they try so desperately to seem like they were repentant. John wasn’t familiar with it, but Scott sure was. Shady business owners trying to shy away from their consequences made the eldest very aware of how slimy those in power could be. Scott complained about it a lot, so John made sure to always remember it just in case he ever ran into it himself.

Preplanning wins again in the Tracy household. You should listen to John’s advice more, Gordon, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” John muttered mostly to himself and moved in a way that signified something was going to happen.

Fuse sputtered and stopped immediately. Crap, he was going about this wrong. These were all things he was suddenly genuine about, he really was, but the Tracys didn’t want useless apologies at the moment, and he understood that. Hopefully, he didn’t understand it too late. Right before John could do anything to him or give any kind of command to his satellite, Fuse blurted the information he should’ve said the first place, “I know where he is!”

John felt like the Earth flew right off its axis.

Everything froze, including EOS. His hand was out in front of him for some reason, probably subconsciously reaching for some kind of button, as he absentmindedly listened to the whirl of ‘Five and his brain fully processed what Fuse was promising, “... What?”

John was keenly aware that sounding so weak, so hopeful, was something that Fuse could spinelessly abuse if the man wanted to, but John had a good lie detector. The words that fumbled out of half The Chaos Crew’s mouth were sounding good, great, and John could tell that he wasn’t bullshitting anything, “I know where he’s keeping your bro. I mean… shit, what The Hood did wasn’t right, maybe it never was, but I know this specifically is--” a break in his speech in an attempt to words things better. Fuse failed, “Bad. I just…”

John’s head involuntarily tilted at the way Fuse trailed off. For once in his life, John was at a loss. This was highly uncharacteristic from what John had seen of The Chaos Crew, and the astronaut was so flabbergasted he couldn’t even begin to come up with any possible ulterior motive behind Fuse’s actions at the moment.

Suddenly, Fuse looked back up with big eyes, almost reminding John of Alan a little bit. Not in the obvious ways, because Fuse was on the verge of seven feet tall and built like a truck whereas Alan was the teeniest thing on the planet, but… John could see similar traits of innocence in them. The eyes of someone desperately clinging onto the last few shreds of hope they had, but still ready to do what's right because of it. Because even if the light at the end of the tunnel was small it was still worth fighting for.

Fuse, seeing that John wasn’t going to say anything, bit the bullet, “I don’t know, call it selfish, call it smart, but if The Hood is willing to do something like this to someone so young, I… I don’t want to be apart of it. I can’t give any information about my sister, I’m no snitch, but I want out, even if it means spending the rest of my days in a GDF cell.”

John was suddenly aware of a burning question, “Wait, how old are you, Fuse?”

A tired sigh, aging Fuse to something that was probably three times what he was going to say, “I turn 20 in two weeks.”

John sharply inhaled, “Jesus, I… I didn’t realize you were that young.”

A lot of things made sense quickly and abruptly like they always do for the ginger.

If The Hood was willing to do this to someone so young, that didn’t stop him from doing this to someone like Fuse. The logical conclusion the now ‘ex-villain’ made probably danced the wildest jig in his head, and before anyone could clap their hands, he got as far away as possible. John wouldn’t be surprised if The Hood made idle threats for not following orders or for “being stupid”, so Fuse had every right to feel threatened.

Jeez, he was probably terrified at the implication. A dark, buried part of John selfishly thought good, it sucks you had to learn the hard way, but now you see why we all hate him, but the first thing that came to his mind was something unexpected yet expected all the same.

John was reminded of Alan again.

Except Alan had four older brothers to run to when the monsters got too big or too frightening.

…

Scott was going to kill him, “Park her over on the left and come in. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Bring inside whatever you think will help.”

EOS’s shrill John! ringed throughout the room, yet it was overruled swiftly. Fuse’s mouth was wide open, “For real?”

John couldn’t tell if he was losing the knots in his stomach or forming completely new ones, “Yes. Don’t do anything funny, though. I have eyes everywhere.”

Fuse gulped again, yet he was very business-like with his next words, “Of course.”

The line cut a millisecond before John wanted it to. John knew exactly why, “Listen, EOS--”

EOS was suddenly in his face, and it spoke miles at how far she’s come that she wasn’t blaring any alarms in anger, “No, you listen, John Tracy. I cannot believe the level of ignorance you are displaying!”

Gordon always joked about her being his daughter, but right now, John’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the feeling of being scolded by an overbearing mother, “I get this may seem like I’ve lost it--” jokes on EOS, who says he hasn’t at this point? “Listen, there’s nothing else left to go off of, and I know this makes me look like a crazy man desperate for information that might not even be there, but--”

“No buts!” EOS shrieked, “You told me that if you followed a sentence with a “but” that what you were about to say shouldn’t even be considered an option! What is making you throw all of my training out the window?!”

John’s mouth became very dry. This conversation was taking a very different turn, “Wait, EOS, why is this all about you suddenly--”

John was starting to regret giving her more mobility at the sight of her jamming her camera directly in his face even more, “It’s not just about me! This affects you too! You said you always based your decisions on the here-and-now, so I should too, so why am I the only one doing so?! You’ve seen what he’s capable of!”

John’s mind tended to be made of gears, and all of them began spinning at the same time. Dammit, he didn’t pick up on this because he didn’t even consider it a factor: EOS being scared. Hell, it wasn't even considered because the last time he remembered her being this scared was when she thought he was a threat during the first time they met (was it really that long ago?). She was scared that Fuse was going to hurt John like he hurt the rest of the astronaut’s family. Like he hurt Gordon.

The only difference is that nobody could get to John like they did Gordon, so that left the ginger at an impasse if the small chance that Fuse was here to hurt him came true.

John found it very hard to breathe all of a sudden. Closing his eyes and struggling to get enough air in, he realized a fundamental problem. EOS was based on data and things that have been recorded, and so far, the only things recorded about Fuse was that he was hellbent on hurting the Tracy family, a family that John was apart of.

She didn’t know any other way to feel about the guy, she didn’t have any other example.

John would love to be that way too, honestly, to just focus on the data. Numbers never tended to be wrong, and the idea of being a simple number-crunching bot would make life a shit-ton easier, but he can’t. He’s human. One that’s very much willing to go against the numbers and probabilities if it meant helping his family.

A rarity for John, to follow his gut and nothing else, but at the end of the day, he was a Tracy, and following his gut was as familiar to him as it was to name all of the immediate constellations in the summer’s nighttime sky, “EOS, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, hell, I’m having trouble believing myself, but Fuse isn’t here to hurt me. The here-and-now is different for reasons I don’t have enough time to properly explain, okay? If there’s anything to believe, believe in the trust you have in me to make the right decision like I always do.”

EOS made no noise, not even a flicker of her lens. He expected her usual sass, something along the lines of, Who says I trust you, moron? but what he got punched away what little air he managed to collect, “... Do you promise?”

That was the million-dollar question. Of course, he couldn’t. He didn’t like making promises after the age of 12. Too many probabilities, too many what-ifs, made promises somewhat of a theoretical impossibility. But just like that night on the roof with Alan, John was able to not think, “I promise, EOS. You wanted to go stargazing with me and Alan, right? Fuse might be able to let us do that again.”

‘Family’ was a Wild Card. Nothing was possible, yet everything was at the same time when it came down to it. ‘Family’ was what made Scott go from day to day without keeling over. ‘Family’ was what got Virgil to sleep at night when he just couldn’t by himself. ‘Family’ was how Gordon managed to keep smiling and joking despite everything in the world trying to make him stop. Hell, ‘Family’ was how their father kicked the word impossible right in the groin and live.

‘Family’ might have been why Alan was stuck in such a shitty situation, but it was also the reason the kid was willing and able to go that far in the first place. He learned that selflessness from his ‘Family’, after all.

John was intent to use that fact to the fullest.

EOS’s lights blinked in contemplation before she quietly spoke once more, “Do I have permission to shock him if he makes even the slightest suspicious movement?”

John rolled his eyes yet grinned all the same, “Sure, only just a little voltage, though. Right in the ass. Would be a nice pick-me-up after all of this.”

Well, despite the year they’ve had, John wasn’t aware EOS could snort. Another sign things might be going right for once.

The door swwwshed open and Fuse floated into where the two hyper-intelligent beings were hanging about and got straight to the point, “Thank you. I hope… I hope I don’t let you down.”

John found himself light as air, and it wasn’t just the zero-gravity this time, “Sounds good. Let’s get cracking.”

While the first thing he did back on Earth was scare his father and his immediate younger brother shitless, the way they and the rest of the family lit up at the plan he and Fuse came up with (after making sure nobody killed the dude, which was surprisingly more difficult than expected, and boy was it expected) made it all worth it.

Well, maybe the sight of Fuse occasionally jumping and yelping at a strange pinch in his bottom with no known cause was worth it too. John wouldn’t tell his brothers that, though, he was the responsible one, remember?

You always made me look at things differently, EOS. Thank you.

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 3x04 No Cure For Crazy

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Did that… did that tree just fucking walk?

Is the tree possessed by Dolls or something? Why is a tree helping Wynonna and Doc?

And why is Peacemaker not working?

2)

3) Okay, the trees are fucking bleeding and this dude just called it “a murder tree” and what the actual fuck!

4) So… the “fire” never really happened, it was just a Black Badge cover-up for the massacre. I really want to see where they go with this whole backstory they’ve given Nicole because so far? Not into it.

Nicole does make a good point of asking Waverly why she hasn’t talked to her mom yet to figure out who her parents are. She seemed quite intent on figuring it out last season, and here she has the perfect opportunity to have every answer she’s looking for, and she’s not taking it? Waverly is anything but a chicken, so I’d figured she would confront her mother head on but I guess she’s been conveniently written OOC so that the writers can keep this mystery going for a while. I hope they don’t stretch this for too long, though.

5) Why did Nicole randomly and carelessly throw the ring in the middle of the forest? Huh? That’s also kind of OOC? Wasn’t she talking about disposing of it carefully two minutes ago?

6) MORE OF THIS, PLEASE.

7) And more of this.

8) Okay, so Waverly IS going to see her mother, she just didn’t disclose that bit of information to Nicole, why? She just made this big speech about not keeping secrets from each other… or is it that she wasn’t planning on seeing her mom until Wynonna brought it up and basically set it all up for her?

And suuuure, Mama is doin’ just fine!

9) So, Wynonna couldn’t shoot Peacemaker because she ran out of bullets, which is a more logical explanation than what I was expecting. I don’t know why but I just assumed Peacemaker had magical ammo and it didn’t require reloading? Anywho, look at these two idiots flirting with each other and basically dry-humping…

10) SHIT. That was a low blow.

But how fucking adorable is it that he’d taken the time to buy - or build! - baby Alice a crib? My heart!

11) Why was their mother so intent on Waverly never finding out where she was or seeing her? And what’s going to happen when Waverly does…? There must be a reason. It seems she was trying to protect them.

12) Why are they giving me so much Doc/Wynonna in this episode? What’s going to happen? (Listen, I’ve grown up watching Joss Whedon shows, I’m conditioned to believe that happiness is followed by utter and complete destruction and mysery!)

13)

NICOLE: Can we talk? It’s about Nedley.

WYNONNA: Not again. How many more plungers do we need?

 14) Wait, did I forget that Jeremy was gay or they haven’t mentioned it before? Because I’m all for it, and especially about the way it was casually brought up in conversation because it’s not Jeremy’s single defining characteristic. 

15) I guess the mother-daughter reunion is happening sooner than expected, since Waverly was contacted as her last known emergency contact.

16) Jeremy is totally vibing with this Robin dude who found the murder tree and they’re making silly tree puns and it’s gay heaven, I love it.

17) Well, that couldn’t have gone any worse…

And yet, I can’t help but feel she means something else? I still feel she’s trying to protect Waverly.

Something happened when Waverly touched her, too, and then she kept saying “she’s unbound, she’s loose, kill the demon.” Waverly of course assumes her mom is referring to her as “the demon”, but I have a feeling she’s talking about an actual demon.

18) I really felt for Nedley when he admitted he’s tired of covering the supernatural shit up. Man, I hated him on the first episode of the show and now I’ve really grown to like him? And Wynonna suggested he should step aside and let Nicole take charge, and he’s actually considering it, and I’m here for Sheriff Haught.

19) Listen, I’m not usually into Gay, meet Gay, now get together because you’re the only two Gays so therefore you must be attracted to each other and date, but… I’m really liking the Jeremy/Robin interactions so far? They’re really cute!

20) And now they’re two gays who have zero idea about the woods lost in the forest and they found the stairway to heaven…

21) Mama Gibson is not messing around.

22) Ah, great, the idiots who let a dangerous convict escape have now locked Wynonna up. Marvelous.

23) Damn, Waverly keeps thinking her mother wants to kill her and that she called her a demon, but I just fucking know she’s talking about a literal demon that’s probably threatening Waverly’s life, that’s why she’s kept away from her.

24) Wait, what?

NEDLEY: Michelle didn’t go to prison because she burned down the barn. She went because her youngest daughter was in it.

Her youngest is Waverly? So did she try to set Waverly on fire? I have a hunch she’s possessed.

25) Oh, dang, Doc is hearing a baby’s cry in the woods. Of course, this is a trigger for him, he’s thinking of Alice, and he’s being lured into the woods.

26) Major Spike vibes in this scene…

27) Hm. Bulshar just tried to strike up a deal with Doc – he’ll give Doc reprieve from the knowledge of his miserable destiny if Doc does his bidding. And Doc was really contemplating accepting. Don’t be weak, Doc. Come on. There has to be a way.

28) So, this fucking corrupt guard suggests they should just off Wynonna and write it off as if Michelle murdered her own daughter when she was trying to escape. And of course, he’s a fucking revenant. It’s definitely going to be interesting to see how Wynonna gets out of this one while handcuffed and without Peacemaker…

I mean, she was fucking tasered and yet…

QUEEN.

29) Nedley, my heart. He’s so heartbroken over this.

NEDLEY: Well, I got a call to a situation at the Earp farm. By the time I got there, the barn was lit up like a torch. You... somehow you escaped. I mean, you were covered with soot, you were crying, but you were unharmed. WAVERLY: And my mother? NEDLEY: She was... locked in your daddy's patrol car. She set the fire. But she was no murderous sociopath. She was Michelle Gibson. Rodeo spitfire. The wild heart and loyal soul of Purgatory. Even the thugs and the dimwits drank to her. With her. They loved her. Look, she wasn't herself that night. She kept... she kept insisting that... that she was trying to vanquish a demon. WAVERLY: A demon she thought was... me. NEDLEY: Well, that would explain The occult nonsense that Ward saw plastered all over the barn before she lit the match. Did you believe it? That was Ward's interpretation. Look, your pop was my boss, so... And I know... I know I should've been braver. I should've defended her. But... I booked Michelle like I was told to. God, this just keeps getting worse. I've been trying to make up for it ever since. I kept watch over you. I tried to set Wynonna on the straight and narrow. That didn't work out. And when I became Sheriff, I pulled the report. I didn't want anyone seeing it.

30) Why would Wynonna let the revenant in on the fact that she got a kid? I mean, wasn’t the whole point of sending Alice away to protect her from the likes of him? I get that she used that bit of information to distract him, and yeah, she did this later…

…but maybe don’t go talking about your child out loud around the enemies?

31) Why is he coughing dirt? Is he going to get gay-buried before he can be allowed to actually gay?

32) Now Waverly is listening to her mom’s tapes with a psychiatrist or therapist or something, and yep, I’m still convinced she was possessed or something and the reason she was trying to stay away from Waverly is because she wanted to protect her. As she was talking to the therapist, she said “Shut up!” or something like that and she was clearly talking to someone else who was not there, like someone who might be in her own head or that only she can see. Someone or something that might be using her to kill her own daughter. The question is, who and why? Is it Bulshar manipulating her the same way he tried to manipulate Doc? Or is it something else altogether? And why is this something or someone so intent on killing Waves? What is she? What kind of role is she supposed to play in the grand scheme of things for this evil entity to want her dead so badly?

33) Okay, theory confirmed, Doc just heard a third, infernal voice on the tape.

34) Oh shit, is history going to repeat itself?!

Yep, there was an actual demon in serious need of a facial and makeover.

35) Bye bye Robin, I guess?

36) Who the fuck is Jolene and why is everyone acting like Stepford Wives? Is this some sort of Ted/Dawn scenario?! And why is it that, in a supernatural show, this is by far the creepiest thing I’ve seen?! 

37) So, I’ve got a lot of questions. First of all, I want to know more about the murder trees. How do they come to be? Are they inhabited by serial killers? We saw the face in one of them, and they can actually walk and move around, but why do they bleed? Is it like their victim’s blood? Also, who the fuck is Jolene? I mean, I know she’s probably the demon that showed up in the barn, but what’s her deal? What does she want? I mean, she didn’t kill Waverly, and instead she’s feeding and glamouring the whole group… to do what? Where was Robin taken? Can we please not do the whole bury-your-gays trope? I expect better of this show. Will Doc accept Bulshar’s deal? Please don’t, Doc. And what is Waverly?! That’s the biggest question of all, so I’m guessing the answer will be delayed till the season finale.

That was yet another fun, exciting Wynonna Earp episode, setting up a lot of stuff for the season, I guess. And I want answers!

38) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[mbti-notes]

INFJ. I think I'm enneagram 9 (I know this blog isn't about enneagram, but a relevant point is they're titled "peacemakers"). I often have the ability to see things from all sides. While this can be good, I feel like I often end up repressing my feelings about things because of it. Sometimes I'll disagree or be made uncomfortable by someone and in the moment, I will be nice and agreeable, and later realize I was actually upset by what they said or did. ( 1 / 2 )

[con’t: It sneaks up on me because I’m more focused on dousing the fire than how I feel. My BIGGEST question: how do I become more in tune with what I’m feeling in the midst of conflict instead of way later? I feel like I’m dishonoring myself and “my truth” with this habit. And how do I approach expressing how I really feel after the fact? (And discerning when its really worth pivoting back to an earlier argument.) There was a point where I was starting to assert myself, but I got angry at the wrong people for the wrong reasons. In the beginning my anger was understandable, but I was very stubborn about not letting go of that anger instead of being sympathetic and working to resolve the conflict. It caused a lot of damage. I wouldn’t want to repeat that failed effort of asserting myself. How do I know when to show feelings of anger? Thanks so much!]

Read the articles about emotional well-being and communicating through conflict, as well as related tags, because this topic has come up several times from infjs before. If you need more than that, there are book recommendations on the resources page about these topics. You describe poor judgment, which means that your Fe-Ti functions require better development. It seems you overindulge Fe and have difficulty drawing appropriate emotional boundaries, too easily getting tied up with what people do or think. When your emotions get the better of you, you misuse Ti and Se, hurt morphs into anger, and you indulge the impulse to attack, only to deeply regret it. Aside from this, infj problems almost always trace back to dysfunctional Ni and one’s problematic beliefs/assumptions about the world. Let’s delve into your belief system and the assumptions you make…

Labeling oneself a “peacemaker” is rather useless when you have no insight into why you manifest this behavior. It’s obvious that this label is part of your persona and thus an unconscious source of pride. However, every source of pride is also a potential catalyst for your downfall. In FJs, playing “peacemaker” is inextricably tied to a deep-seated fear of conflict, which in turn is often accompanied by a deep-seated fear of hurt and rejection, which in turn is often rooted in low self-worth and the belief that one’s own needs and desires are illegitimate or “selfish”. “Peacemaker” doesn’t sound so hot when you put it like that, does it? It seems you don’t yet possess a deep enough understanding of your beliefs about yourself.

Serious question for you to reflect on: What’s wrong with conflict? You seem to treat it as the end of the world. Expanding on the first point, a false self-image means that you cannot accept the reality of who you are. You bristle when the mirror of your social interactions reflects back to you your true face, as your unconscious fears get triggered and your dark side quickly emerges. In other words, perhaps you fear conflict because it reflects back to you the truth that you’re not as agreeable, understanding, accepting, acceptable, etc, as you want to believe you are, and/or the fact that the world doesn’t actually live up to your desires and expectations. Instead of confronting your fears within and getting to the bottom of your problem, you seek to “manage” it out there in the world. You want to manipulate the social environment to suit your comfort level, but you can’t fully admit that this is what you want because then you sound like a “selfish b*tch”, so you have to couch everything in nice sounding words like “peacemaking” or “asserting”, etc. You’re basically asking me to provide you with permission to put yourself first, but it’s just part and parcel of the same old pattern: put others first, resent, put myself first, shame, rinse, repeat. As you hinted at, it’s pointless to ask me when it’s okay to get into an old pattern again.

You ask “how do I know when to show feelings of anger?” Wrong question. Ask “how is it that I got to be so angry?” Anger is at level 10 and you wait until 11 before you even consider the possibility of doing something, then you seem taken aback that you’re basically ready to attack someone like a frothing animal. Anger is merely a cowardly extension of sadness, and sadness often comes from feeling hurt. You are afraid of feeling hurt (because it reveals your darkness), you are afraid of appearing hurt and vulnerable (because that would disrupt social harmony and your self-image of how you promote social harmony), so how can you acknowledge your hurt let alone express it? You want to express your feelings when you can’t even accept that they exist. You suppress them until they morph into something ugly.

You’re not owning your emotions but rather misattributing them to an outside source, believing that “they made me angry”, so you wait passively for that external trigger to go away or you surmise that the resolution (or closure) lies in confronting THEM and maybe “correcting” THEM so that they agree with you. You’re turning anyone who disagrees with you into an enemy or traitor rather than taking a genuine interest in their viewpoint. If someone says something disagreeable to you, why is it not a viable option to simply say at that moment “I disagree” or ask “why do you believe that”? What do you think would happen? Do you believe that a civil discussion isn’t possible as soon as there is disagreement? And why is it not a viable option to simply allow someone to have their opinion, assuming that their personal opinion has no tangible impact upon you?

It seems you haven’t reflected on your beliefs about what makes for good communication. Many immature FJs actually treat communication as opportunities to fish for affirmation, but communication is about forging connection, which can’t happen when people can’t express themselves authentically. And how can you express yourself authentically when you can’t accept your own feelings and emotions? Perhaps you naively believe that communication must ALWAYS be positive, “peacemaking”, “agreeable”, a kumbaya circle, etc. Then you’re living in fantasy and you hope for something fake. There are always going to be disagreements because every individual has their own unique experiences that result in a unique viewpoint. You get stuck on disagreements because you fail to understand that confronting the negative is necessary for reaching the positive; it is through carefully exploring differences that people come closer together and develop appreciation for each other. Why do you think people naturally become LESS racist, sexist, homophobic, etc, the more they interact with the people they deride? Disagreements can be a good thing when you know how to utilize them to foster deeper understanding. Fear of conflict means that this option is completely closed off to you, since communication immediately shuts down the moment you get triggered.

Overindulging Fe means being oversensitive to social feedback. This happens because there is no clear understanding of the difference between “your business” and “none of your business”. You say you “have the ability to see things from all sides”. Do you really? It sounds like a myth that you like to perpetuate about yourself (false self-image). If you have this ability, then why do you begrudge differences of opinion? Do people not have a right to their own individual thoughts and the freedom to feel their own feelings? If you have this ability, then why do you downplay or devalue your own side? Are you not a person and do you not deserve to have your own thoughts and feelings? Believing something is true doesn’t make it true. You claim a fair-mindedness that is betrayed by your unfair approach to disagreement. You’re not that good at seeing things from all sides, but if you insist on believing you are (false self-image), then how are you going to improve this ability? Isn’t the truth closer to this: “I only have the ability to see the sides that closely resemble mine”?

Healthy Fe is fair-minded, respectful, and compassionate. But do you want to be these things because it would absolutely destroy you to learn that you are NOT these things (egotistical intention), in which case, every social interaction becomes a looming threat as every conflict reflects back to you your unexamined darkness? Or do you truly understand the value of Fe and aim to express it properly (authentic intention)? If you are truly fair-minded, it wouldn’t trigger you to hear differences of opinion and you wouldn’t take other people’s business so personally. If you are truly respectful of everyone’s humanity, you would not disrespect yourself or become excessively critical of people just because you feel hurt or afraid. If you are truly compassionate, you would know how to extend compassion to yourself and resolve negative social situations through patient empathetic dialogue. Work on Fe.

[takadasaiko]

sorry if u already have 5 million prompts but if u don't mind one more how about #9 for bobo and wynonna just for kicks thank u

FFN II AO3

Notes: No worries, anon! I got a lot of prompts off this fun little thing, but I’m working my way through them one by one. :)

Summary: Bobo has no idea what could have prompted Wynonna to ask him such a dangerous question. Future fic. Prompt #9: “Don’t ask me that”

Him or Them

“Something’s been bugging me.”

Bobo turned from his perch on Deputy Marshal Dolls’ desk, his feet propped in the currently - absent man’s chair as he waited for Waverly and Jeremy to finish the search they were conducting on the computer. He hated the waiting, but sometimes there just wasn’t any way around it. “Just one thing?” he drawled, glancing around at at Wynonna.

She motioned to his seat he’d chosen. “Dolls doesn’t have a hat to steal so it’s his desk, huh?”

The Revenant smirked. “That does get under Holliday’s skin, doesn’t it?”

“You don’t have to listen to him complain about it,” the Earp Heir groused. “But you���ll hear Dolls when he finds boot prints on his leather chair.”

“I’m terrified,” Bobo grumbled, rolling his eyes a little as he did. “That’s what’s been taking over your thoughts?”

Wynonna blinked, as if startled back to her original thought process. “No.” She hopped on the desk with him and Bobo watched her carefully from the corner of his eye. She frowned a little and Bobo resisted the urge to sigh. For being tied much closer to the passing of time, mortals sure wasted a lot of it. “You know, I’m just going to come on out and ask.”

“Please do,” he huffed.

“Have you ever been directly responsible for one of the Heirs’ deaths?”

Bobo Del Rey blinked. He’d seen and heard enough that it was tough to catch him by surprise, but if all the questions he might have predicted to roll off her tongue, that hadn’t even made this list.

He narrowed his eyes a little. “Don’t ask me that.”

“Just did, and from your answer I’d say at least one.”

Blue eyes slid closed and their owner drew in a deep breath. What could possibly have possessed Wynonna to ask that of all things? Didn’t this alliance rest on shaky enough ground as it was without digging up some of the worst possible things? He didn’t look for new reasons to hate her, she shouldn’t look for new reasons to hate him. Simple. Or at least it should have been.

“Which one was it?”

“Really?” Bobo snapped and Wynonna quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Josiah or Edwin? Or both?” She shot him a pointed look and motioned to Jeremy and Waverly. “They’re not going to be done for a while, and unless you’ve suddenly developed computer skills….”

He snorted. “I know how to use one.”

“Uhhuh. Sure.” There was a long stretch and she leaned back as if settling in. She wasn’t going to let this go until he gave her something. Damn, she was stubborn. And far too much like Wyatt for either of their good.

Bobo shook his head, a low growl escaping him. “Edwin,” he said at last, the name slipping from his lips. He hadn’t spoken it in… years. He’d made himself a promise when he’d woken up on the floor of that church in 1929 after spending over forty years writhing in hell: he would never be the reason one of Wyatt’s descendants met their end. He wouldn’t let Clootie win like that. It had been a lofty goal born out of a desperation to find and hold onto anything from his former life, and one that he’d held onto through Josiah. He’d known the man, even liked him. Josiah had certainly known the name Robert Svane and at that point in time Bobo had still resembled the Heir’s father’s friend in some capacity. Bobo had been fighting his war with Lou when the Seven strung Josiah up, and while a little guilt had tugged on him, he’d been surprised to find it hadn’t been as gut wrenching as he’d expected.

Then there had been a stretch of silence. Those that Josiah had put down with Peacemaker wouldn’t rise until the next Heir came of age and Lou had been cast out of the little town, Robert - called Bobo by then, the name that he’d been given by his visiting angel once long before - reigning over them. There was… peace, of a kind, even as Edwin was already stirring. He hadn’t been of age yet, though, so Bobo had been foolish enough to think he wasn’t a threat.

The would-be Heir gathered support, though, from an organization called Black Badge. They were government and as Bobo heard the stirrings closer and closer to Edwin’s twenty-seventh birthday, he approached him. He’d known his father. He’d known his grandfather. He was willing to keep peace between an Earp and the Revenants, keeping them occupied and distracted from the bloodlust bolstered by hell’s own fires. He’d done it under Josiah and now that he had control over them without Lou to rile them, a true accord could be struck. Edwin had struck it.

And then Edwin had turned twenty-seven.

Bobo had reeled under Edwin’s tenure as Heir. Eleven months. That’s all he’d been there, and the Revenant leader had spent the first six trying to reason. He gave him the benefit of the doubt as Wyatt’s grandson, but the sway he had had with Josiah didn’t translate to Edwin. Yes, he met with Bobo. Yes, he spoke with him and discussed, but he was responsible to more than just his own destiny, the young Heir had explained.

Ten months into it Bobo finally decided that Black Badge didn’t run Edwin at all. Edwin was calling the shots and playing Bobo for a damned fool.

The Revenants had been in near revolt. Edwin had downed too many of them. They wouldn’t be driven from their home and outside the town, that much was conceded between them. Where Josiah had been more reasonable in the ones he took out - aiming for the worst of the worst and those that came after him and his family - Edwin lashed out at every creature whose eyes glowed red when confronted with Peacemaker. He was ambitious. He was dangerous. It was him or them, and it wouldn’t be them.

Controlling a group of outlaws was difficult on a good day, but in the eleven months that Edwin Earp was Heir, Bobo nearly let it slip. He nearly let his love for Wyatt Earp - somehow lasting through the fires and all the betrayal he felt - end him dangling at the end of a noose same as Edwin. It was him or them, and he was their leader. Four of the Seven that had hunted down Josiah were still topside at that point. They rallied enough support from those that were left that if Bobo wanted to have any standing at the end of this, if he wanted to retain any control, he’d give the word to set them after Edwin and end this.

That damned promise rattled around in his head though. The same one he’d made himself when he’d first discovered that Constance Clootie had been right. He was a demon, but he’d hoped that that didn’t mean he had to lose himself entirely to this curse. He had a deal with Edwin. They had shook on it, and a man’s word was all he had.

He called a meeting with the ambitious Heir. Neutral ground, no weapons. That had been the deal. Bobo had met him in a field so that they could speak man to man. He had a wife, a son, people he cared about. There was plenty of leverage there, all he needed to do was apply the appropriate pressure. He’d always been good with words.

The shot had come from the hills just after he and Edwin had met. It wasn’t from Peacemaker, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. The bullet dug deep, striking him in the upper back and pitching him forward with its force. Edwin had caught him, his grandfather’s gun in his hand and it had glowed dangerously as he raised it. “I am doing this for my family,” he had told Bobo.

There was a rage that came as part of the oh-so-lovely package deal of demondom. It burned as hot as hell’s flames at times and could drive a Revenant to do terrible things. Bobo never let his get out of control. He was careful that way, but in that moment he’d reached out, his powers extended to grab ahold of Peacemaker and fling it to the side. The cries in the hills told him that Edwin’s little sniper was being dispatched and Bobo leapt on the Heir himself, slamming him hard into the ground and he had felt the brand on his back burning.

Edwin looked like Wyatt. It was the eyes, he reckoned. Maybe in the lines around his mouth a bit too, but he didn’t act like him.

Bobo’s hands had closed around Edwin’s throat and the Heir had clawed desperately at him, coughing and sputtering at the force applied. Those eyes so like Wyatt’s had widened almost as if Bobo had somehow betrayed him. Funny. Edwin had been the one to ambush him. The Revenant had hoped to avoid this.

The Heir went still beneath him after a time and Bobo finally released him, sitting back and feeling the tug of the bullet wound in his back. It hurt, but it would heal. He had waved the approaching idiots off from the gun and told them to dispose of the body. What was left of the Seven strung up Edwin Earp and Levi photographed their prize.

“Well?”

Wynonna’s voice cut through the memory like a blade and Bobo blinked hard, brought back to the present, finding the current Earp staring at him expectedly. “He shot me in the back so I had him strung up,” Bobo said at last. It was mostly true. The girl didn’t need details.

“You had him hanged?”

“He was dead long before he got the rope.”

Wynonna loosed a breath. “Did my daddy know? That you killed his father?”

Bobo looked at her. “Do you think he would have worked with me if he did?”

“No,” she answered slowly. “So why tell me?”

That was the question wasn’t it? She wasn’t like her father. No, Wynonna was much more Wyatt than she was Ward. She knew the stakes. She understood that they couldn’t play by the rules Clootie had set if they really wanted to win.

He sighed. “Because despite what life’s taught me… I trust you, Wynonna Earp.”

Of all the answers he could have given, that was the one he hated the most. Mostly because it was true. He’d never learned his lesson that trusting an Earp could only cause him pain. Here he was all over again.

Bobo rocked forward, kicking the chair out and standing. Wynonna didn’t say anything as he mumbled something about needing a smoke and to get him when they had the location Waverly and Jeremy were searching for, but he felt her gaze follow him until he rounded out of her line of sight.

Notes: Writing this I realized we’ve only had Five Heirs including Wynonna: Josiah, Edwin, Ward, Willa, and Wynonna. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Bobo had survived them all until Wynonna.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Wynonna Earp: Episodes 210-212

An Occult 23andMe

The Setup: Miri and Kris adore Wynonna Earp and have been reacting to this season a few episodes at a time. As always, we are in awe of Emily Andras’s writing, Melanie Scrofano’s face and general talent, and the entire cast and crew. We also have a few questions, critiques, and predictions that are sure to be proven wrong. 

Find our previous Wynonna Earp s2 reacting here, here, here, and here.

Spoilers through the season 2 finale, “I Hope You Dance,” below!

KRIS: I feel like you should lead with some all caps here or something

MIRI: As usual I HAVE A VERY MANY FEELINGS

THE BAAAABY

WYNONNA

***ASCENDED WIDOW MERCEDES?!?!??!***

And Jeremy is just such a peach

as per usual

KRIS: I actually saw this Scrofano Instagram the night of the episode (and I watch the morning after via iTunes) so I had some sense of the twist coming

MIRI: OH MY GODDDDDDDD

(I was really proud of how well I avoided spoilers this time)

KRIS: Which was kind of a bummer, but it still landed for me

Especially because of the detail of Nicole’s involvement

MIRI: Yes! An excellent tying together of various threads

KRIS: So you kind of called this, or something like it, back when we reacted to the pregnancy. Was this what you had in mind?

MIRI: ...I might have to reread that reaction really quickly to refresh my memory on what I meant

KRIS: I remember you said “noble sacrifice”

MIRI: Ohhhh yes

Yeah, I think from a show and a show writing perspective this is what makes sense

KRIS: At the time my mind went somewhere darker and more supernatural

MIRI: Because it is the version that reinforces/adds a layer to the core plot of the whole thing--Wynonna has to end the curse. For herself, but mostly for everyone she loves because she refuses to let this fall on someone else like it fell on her

And the baby adds to that, but without having to change the actual structure of things drastically--which they would have to do to add an actual baby in week to week

Also, this is the version with a combined maximum pain now and pain in the future. (slash tension, slash stakes)

KRIS: Yeah it definitely is obvious in hindsight that Wynonna would not want her baby in the Triangle

MIRI: But they covered it with the revenant question so well it didn’t feel obvious at the time!!

KRIS: It’s a little funny to me that Wynonna’s version of “I named her so no one looking for an Earp will find her” is “I didn’t give her a name that starts with W”

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

KRIS:  Because I feel like “named after the grandparents” is pretty standard?

MIRI: “It’s just your mom’s name and my mom’s name and we’re only MASSIVELY FAMOUS/INFAMOUS within the community of people who might want to use/abuse this baby”

KRIS: I guesss maybe people wouldn’t necessarily expect Doc as the father

MIRI: Maybe, but several people with great knowledge of history already know

Like the Firebros Cult

KRIS: But aren’t they all, like, barbecued now?

Did I read that scene wrong?

MIRI: Oh, right

I forgot about that

Which is funny, because in the moment I was super excited about Dolls using his fire again!

KRIS: Right! And obviously I wanted a wide shot but I UNDERSTAND

MIRI: I mean, they already got a helicopter and a baby in the budget

KRIS: That did feel a little unresolved, mechanically, I guess because Dolls’s goal for the episode (get the doctor) was ultimately irrelevant

Emily Andras was very happy about her helicopter

“I was bluffing!”

MIRI: Let me just say for the 8,000th time: I would very much like to be Emily Andras when I grow up

KRIS: I usually roll my eyes at “gonna move to Canada” but if it’s “gonna move to Canada to work for Emily Andras” I’d have to be like “yeah that makes sense”

MIRI: YES

K: I really do like Canada, just not when Americans say they'll move there to run away from our problems

KRIS: Stuff like not getting a resolution beat for the Order made me think, not for the first time, that this show definitely rides a knife-edge of just having too much going on

MIRI: Yeah, I feel that re: Rosita and Mercedes too

KRIS: And if the emotional storytelling wasn’t as assured the whole thing could easily fall on its face

YES Rosita

MIRI: And I wonder if it was part baby clock/changing the whole season so late in the game?

KRIS: Maybe

I’d probably have to rewatch the first season

MIRI: But in general this show is just chock full of plot

Rosita is the only one that really bothered me

KRIS: I’m not super clear on what Rosita’s plan was, re: safe passage

MIRI: I wonder if there’s a scene or two on the cutting room floor there

(in this episode or previous ones)

Because she’s set up to be pretty cool, and while her point about the whole “I’ll shoot you last” thing being kind of TERRIBLE to say to someone/have to live under is valid, the turn just felt rushed to me

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: Also, did she die?? Was she Saved? What exactly happened?

KRIS: I had to look up the last time Peacemaker turned blue and it was when Wynonna shot Willa

MIRI: Ahhhhhh I did not remember that

Huh

KRIS: I thought maybe she’d been un-revenanted but her reaction was still pretty angry so that didn’t feel right, so then I thought maybe Waverly had fired a warning shot?

MIRI: So maybe its when it has to act outside of normal bounds? Killing an heir, working for a non-official heir (yet?)

KRIS: Yeah that makes sense

MIRI: Hmmmm I’m holding out a tiny bit of help for it having saved Rosita and her not understanding

which is why she’s angry

KRIS: I definitely hope she comes back

as a regular

MIRI: And that would potentially fit with the idea of Waverly being something else supernatural

Me too!! I really love her

KRIS: Also sentient or semi-sentient weapons are always a favorite trope of mine

MIRI: I know this is not at all what you meant, but it reminded me that I love the Wynonna moment of declaring that she’s her own damn weapon, not anyone else’s to use

KRIS: And although I think the more straightforward reading here is “Peacemaker does what Wynonna says,” I also kind of like the idea of like “Peacemaker’s understanding of Family has caught up with the 21st century”

Yeah!

M: Speaking of family...(I love this gif and couldn’t find a better place for it)

MIRI: Well if Widow Mercedes could do it, maybe Peacemaker could too

Can we talk about her? Because I’m low-key obsessed

KRIS: Yeah that was wild

MIRI: I was 100% shocked

did not call her turning against the husband at all

and I LOVED IT

KRIS: Yeah, and a break with Beth was pretty well set up with her getting steadily disgruntled by everything over the last few episodes

MIRI: Yes! Her turning on Beth felt totally natural, but I did not even consider her turning on demon husband

How did you feel about him being all weak? I know someone who didn’t buy it, but to me it totally worked nicely as another Andras subversion of the expected story.

KRIS: That made sense to me

MIRI: Especially if he’s a demon who needs to feed (as the Widows clearly need to) and he’s been cut off for 100 years

Cool

KRIS: And I definitely didn’t feel cheated out of a battle with a demon lord or anything since I was invested in the baby stuff

MIRI: Totally! They did a very nice job of shifting the main tension and keeping stakes very high

Did you briefly think that Doc had become a revenant? Because I briefly thought that when he was talking to Bobo and I was Very Concerned

KRIS: No, but what line made you think that?

MIRI: When Doc said he’d been to hell

(yelling down to Bobo in the well)

And Bobo mentions Wyatt screwing both of them

But then he called Doc mortal

KRIS: Oh okay. Yeah I just really liked that line both on the level of having lied to Wynonna earlier and on the level of conceding that at least so far Doc’s maybe done more bad than good

MIRI: Yeah, it all worked, I just had a moment of fear

KRIS: So now we know that Doc listens to Adele

MIRI: As any right-thinking person does, yes

Wait, we jumped off of Widow Mercedes too quickly

I just need to say that she was SUPER COOL all ascended and powerful and shit and I wish there had been time to have her be the big bad of her own 3 episode arc or something

Ok, moving on to the bullet splitting thing

KRIS: My concerns about too many plot threads notwithstanding, I actually think this season was just as long as it needed to be and I don’t know that another major twist would have worked for me

MIRI: No, I don’t think it actually should have happened. The overall narrative would have suffered. I just wanted more Ascended Widow Mercedes in like a pocket universe or something

KRIS: She had kind of an Evil Elsa from Frozen thing going on (as someone who has not seen Frozen)

MIRI: And an interesting mix of Dark Willow and finale, white-haired ascended Goddess Willow from Buffy

KRIS: Oh that’s probably more what they were going for

Okay bullets

MIRI: I think the Frozen thing is valid

Yes, bullets! Doc finally gets to kill something/one

KRIS: I feel like we have literally never seen Wynonna load Peacemaker before so I had gotten to a point of accepting that it magically didn’t need to be loaded

MIRI: Hahahahahah

KRIS: I did kind of want his dramatic “When I shoot something, it dies” line to be lampshaded by someone

Although to be fair he called it out himself last week

MIRI: I would like to take this opportunity to say something that is not fair of me, but I feel strongly:

Tim Rozon’s face doesn’t make sense to me without the Doc Holliday mustache

KRIS: HA

MIRI: He’s still handsome! It’s a good face! but it just makes no sense to my brain

KRIS: There was a time in my life when I wished I could grow a mustache like that

It’s possible that time has not entirely passed

MIRI: hahahahah

KRIS: But mostly it was like, senior year of college

I feel like we should probably circle back to episodes 8 and 9 10 and 11 for a second

MIRI: Definitely

They did a whole episode without Wynonna! That is so fascinating and ballsy

KRIS: I feel like I wrote down notes somewhere about this but I can’t find them so maybe I just think about it a lot -- how do you feel about tropes like the Couple Destined to Be Together, or “destiny” tropes in general?

MIRI: Hmmmmmmmm it entirely depends on how well executed they are. Sometimes I am ALL IN, other times I think it gets creepy

I’m good with it here

Because it’s not super heavy handed to me

It falls more on the “they are just so right for each other, they keep finding each other” side of things than the “they are Destined To Always Be” side

Plus they had known and cared about each other as friends for a while in the alternate reality

You?

KRIS: As a trope it’s not my thing at all and I may be reacting more to fandom reactions than to anything actually in the text

MIRI: Been there

KRIS: I mean generally I was onboard with it

I think “they’re so right for each other” vs “they are destined” might be a distinction without a difference but I agree that execution counts for a lot

MIRI: I am a little bummed Waverly is confirmed gay (rather than bi) but I’m still so happy about the character and her sheer existence

KRIS: I’m also not sure exactly when it happened (and part of me is deeply suspicious and legitimately concerned that literally letting her hair down had something to do with it) but this last run definitely cemented Nicole as my favorite character

MIRI: Well I think the difference falls in what makes them right for each other being destined implies predetermination and an outside force

While being right for each other comes out of who they both are as people, and there could theoretically be other people just as right for them out there Say more about Nicole as your favorite

KRIS: Maybe part of it’s that she’s in a way the least intense of everyone? Not in the sense that she’s boring but that she has a healthy sense of perspective?

MIRI: Right. She is arguably the normal amongst all of these eccentrics

KRIS: I feel like it can’t be as simple as “audience surrogate,” but I guess there’s a little of that

MIRI: And she’s working to remain that, per Nedley’s speechifying

KRIS: And I think a lot of it is in her line readings -- like you could easily see someone delivering “your ass is top shelf” and “I’d do a lot of things to you” with too much of a wink

EASILY

MIRI: Yes! She’s just so sweet and earnest about both and it MAKES those lines

So, how did you feel about alternate reality without Wynonna?

I don’t know if I 100% buy Doc as the town bad guy, but he was kind of a dick before

So i guess becoming worse is as possible as becoming better

KRIS: I also think -- and I’m getting a little more real than I’m generally comfortable with here -- that as a straight man with a tendency to be hand-wringing about my trying to be a good feminist, there’s a safety in identifying with a character like Nicole who is also sexually attracted to women but by virtue of NOT being a man (and being written and acted as well as she is) is free of a lot of potentially toxic baggage

MIRI: That makes total sense to me

KRIS: I think the alternate reality was a pretty good execution of the “this one person makes all the difference” trope

(The “Remedial Chaos Theory” episode of Community is the high bar for me there)

I bought Doc as a bad guy but maybe not entirely as a ringleader

MIRI: Fair

KRIS: I loved how Rosita, Jeremy, and Nicole had all taken on bigger Black Badge or Black Badge-adjacent responsibilities

MIRI: Yes! I liked all of their interactions

The Iron Witch stuff worked for me too

KRIS: Yeah, better than I think I would’ve expected

MIRI: Grounding it in the sister relationship is always a safe bet on this show

KRIS: That bit where she let down the glamor for a second and Waverly and Nicole were Slowly Spinning in their “real” outfits was pretty cool

MIRI: Very dreamy and funky

I buy Waverly making a stupid choice to save Nicole. You?

KRIS: Yeah, in general I think pushing her luck when other people don’t want her to makes sense for Waverly, and definitely on the heels of everything she’s been through up to that point

MIRI: Agreed

KRIS: I really liked the team interactions in 8 a lot

Dolls telling Waverly “let’s just say it was an order”

MIRI: In the vision quest ep?

KRIS: The Nicole in the Hospital ep

MIRI: Oh, 10, not 8 👍🏻

Yeah, I like the friendship between Dolls and Waverly a lot. It’s never super heavily explored, but it’s always really charming

KRIS: Oh wow I totally lost track of the episode count at some point

MIRI: It was a 12 ep season, not 10

I think we got slightly thrown off in our thoughts about when we would react, that’s all

KRIS: I also really wished there’d been more of a reckoning between Jeremy and Wynonna about Rosita

That seemed like a really important beat that ended up not going anywhere because of all the ensuing crazy

MIRI: Yeah. I hope they come back to it in some way next season

KRIS: But I also really liked Dolls stepping in to be the test subject for awhile and I thought it was weird that possibility didn’t come up earlier

MIRI: Hmmmm

That is valid

Maybe because he couldn’t be killed? And she couldn’t either, but revenants can be harmed short term

KRIS: There also was never an acknowledgement that Waverly broke a promise to tell Wynonna about Rosita

MIRI: Like she was out for a few minutes when Tucker shot her

KRIS: I mean I bought it happening

MIRI: Yeah, people have been in general shitty to Rosita

KRIS: But there was a beat missing on either end -- even Rosita didn’t really mention it

MIRI: Maybe her turn was more earned than I have acknowledged

Right--the building blocks are there, but she never really had a good moment dealign with it all

KRIS: Oh, Nicole’s soon-to-be ex-wife!

Again it felt like there was a beat missing in Shae’s recognition that Waverly was the new girlfriend, or someplace where that might have come up explicitly, but I really liked skipping right over the jealousy tropes

MIRI: Agreed on both counts!

Do we think she’ll come back though? Only because of the note on the divorce papers

KRIS: I didn’t really get that sense, I more just read it as “hey here’s a healthy relationship that’s nice”

MIRI: I think you’re right

I like that Waverly can be weirded out without going full tropey Jealous Girl

So @sweet-but-mostly-sour wanted us to discuss Jeremy’s apparent powers. Any thoughts?

KRIS: I don’t know that it would’ve occurred to me independently

The line there did seem to be hinting at something (I can’t recall what he said) but it also would have made sense to me that he just knew the plan?

Especially because Waverly was pretty clearly expecting Doc at the rendezvous, as opposed to meeting up with him beforehand

Oh it was something about why he’d been recruited into BBD

MIRI: Yeah, one sec, I’m almost to it in the ep

I think

Ok I was wrong but I WILL find it

Oh, I think you were right about it being a warning shot--Waverly grazes Rosita’s temple and Rosita runs out

KRIS: Ah

(I wonder if she just missed?)

MIRI: Yeah, no idea if it was a deliberate warning or not. We know how tricky Peacemaker is

Found it!

Doc asks how Jeremy knows stuff and he says:

“I told you I was in an accident. [The car accident when he was 11.] I wasn’t recruited to Black Badge for my excellent Seinfeld impressions.”

KRIS: Hmm

MIRI: I really love how transparently into people he is without ever creeping on them

KRIS:  “I’d feel it in my groin”

I guess in hindsight that is also a plant

MIRI: The groin or the powers?

I forget who he said that about

KRIS: Doc

A plant for his having powers

hidden in a “Classic Jeremy” joke

Honestly I think I might prefer a Jeremy who picks up on things like Wynonna’s pregnancy just because he pays more attention than other people (or other men)

But I’m not against Jeremy having powers or anything

MIRI: Well, hopefully one doesn’t preclude the other

KRIS: I liked “I don’t fit in here. None of you asked me to” a lot

MIRI: YES that was beautiful without being shmoopy

KRIS: It was an unexpected way for that line to go

MIRI: I think he and Nicole could get a long very well

Yeah, I was expecting a “I never fit anywhere but here” thing and I liked this much better

KRIS: I think my other favorite finale line was “That better not be a nickname for your beav cause I’m not in the mood”

MIRI: Wynonna is always so very Wynonna and basically it’s just dialogue goals in all the ways

KRIS: And Melanie Scrofano finally got her f-bomb! Though I don’t know if it was censored on air

MIRI: I love how important that was to her

We have not yet discussed Mama Earp

KRIS: Oh yeah I really wanted to come with a Mamas Earp joke but blanked I guess there’s not really a joke there, I just wanted at some point to say Mamas Earp

That was another spoiler I stumbled on ahead of time (gif somewhere)

MIRI: I did not get what you were doing there but I finally caught up

Oh no!

So has Wynonna known where Mama Earp is this whole time?

KRIS: I didn’t even think of that. I guess so. That’s interesting

I definitely thought the very first line of that VO was a “flashback” line

MIRI: Me too! I think it still might have been?

KRIS: It seemed like it was part of a “There’s X, and there’s Y, and then there’s Z”

What do we know about Mama Earp?

(Do we know Mama Earp’s name?)

MIRI: (Is it Michelle? the baby’s middle name?)

KRIS: Oh right

MIRI: We know she left when Waves was 2, if I recall correctly

And that’s about it

KRIS: Hang on I’m gonna rewatch that bit

MIRI: “There are men, Wynonna, mean as a rattlesnake cornered at dusk. And there are demons sweet as clover honey. And then there’s him. I told you he was real. I never stopped believing. But he will rise. And when he does, you’ll believe it too.”

KRIS: Man there’s a lot going on there

And maybe a lot of possibilities

MIRI: I know!

Has she been working on this the whole time? Did Waverly get her researcher tendencies from Mama Earp?

KRIS: Right! Is this why she came back to Purgatory?

MIRI: But she’s not fully back

KRIS: Was there some point when Mama Earp might have reached out post-return?

I mean Wynonna coming back

MIRI: Oh, did you mean Wynonna?

Gotcha gotcha

Also, will we get specifics about the mean men and sweet demons?

KRIS: (I also have to say -- #sorrynotsorry -- that I appreciate a show that is this careful about its use of needle drops)

MIRI: (this is such a Thing for you and I love it)

(Also, the music in Wynonna Earp is always damn effective, so I think I have to agree)

KRIS: Is mean men and sweet demons an unusually poetic line for the show or do I just feel that way because when other characters say lines like that it doesn’t always feel right?

MIRI: I think it is unusually poetic, but the HEAVY accent might be meant to somewhat excuse it as country sayings?

Also, I think it’s meant to read as “something my mama used to say” the way we took it, and then twist to be much more literal

I think Mama must have been wrapped up in the occult too. It can’t just have been Ward’s thing. Even if it was after she married in, the “I told you” part means she knows a decent amount about how all this started and where it might go

KRIS: Right

I wonder if Wynonna might have reached out to her after the vision quest?

MIRI: Would she have kept it a secret if she did? I’d buy that

Oh, speaking of Bulshar and secrets, what about that little nod Nicole and Dolls have when we see Nicole has the ring near the end there

KRIS: Definitely seems like Nicole getting an unofficial promotion (that I guess they don’t want Waverly to know about?)

MIRI: Maybe it’s less a secret and more a “when we have time, we’ll discuss all this”? I hope?

KRIS: The classic Intense Dolls Stare did come close to being unintentionally comical in slow motion, that close to Waverly’s line of sight

MIRI: YES

KRIS: Yeah I don’t see how it could be a secret

Maybe Dolls and Nicole are already just moving ahead and they want the others to Have a Moment

MIRI: That makes sense for all involved

Ok, is there anything big that we’ve missed?

KRIS: It’s kind of insane that we’ve mentioned Bobo literally once

I don’t know that I have anything to say about him, but still

MIRI: RIGHT, I meant to bring up Bobo!

KRIS: I guess I’d missed or forgotten that he was specifically Magneto-ish and not generally telekinetic

MIRI: I do have things to say, or just to bring up, I guess

Yeah, I had too!

And I wonder if there’s a reason for that that we will see/explore?

Ok, points that I don’t really have much to say about, but I feel should be stated: 1) He’s now an acolyte of Bulshar and 2) He called Waverly kin, but is pretty certainly not her father

KRIS: Someday Waverly’s going to start an occult 23andMe

MIRI: Hahahahahahahahahahhaa

KRIS: I definitely had one more little thing I wanted to mention but it’s escaped me

Oh Nicole’s cat!

MIRI: Calamity Jane!!!

KRIS: (God I have to get back into Deadwood)

MIRI: Do you have any predictions for next season? (Knowing, of course, that Andras will subvert all expectations and impress us all in the process)

KRIS: I basically wouldn’t dare at this point

Though I will ask for a web series that’s The Adventures of Randy Nedley and Calamity Jane

MIRI: OH MY GOD

I never knew I wanted that until just now

They are grumpy best friends

KRIS: I’m even too afraid to guess in which “act” of the season Waverly will come face to face with Mama Earp

MIRI: You say that, and I’m like, “Oh, well...wait. No...Could be..?” Andras is breaking my brain

I can definitely see a first episode option, a midseason option, an end of act 1 option, etc...

I predict we’ll learn what Waverly is, if she’s not entirely human

KRIS: That makes sense

I still kind of want to know what happened to BBD but I get the sense that’s a closed door

or at least as closed as TV gets

MIRI: Yeah, I’d say try to let that hope go for now

I wonder if we’ll be getting any new members of the gang? I feel like no

KRIS: Hmm

MIRI: Maybe someone to replace Rosita if she’s gone?

KRIS: I mean I hope Rosita comes back to the fold, somehow, but I could just as easily see her having a more complete villain turn

I could also see a version of this that’s vaguely Alias season 2 where Mama Earp is around a lot

MIRI: But I feel like things are pretty well balanced, plus we’ll be getting Mama Earp and surely some new enemies/adversaries

KRIS: I really hope Jeremy gets time with her

MIRI: Yeah, same. And she may come with a supporting character or two Interesting

Wait, with Mama or Rosita?

KRIS: Mama Earp

Just for the jokes

MIRI: Yes, I’m weirdly into that

KRIS: I was a little surprised there wasn’t a Wynonna-Dolls beat somewhere at the end

MIRI: I wonder if they didn’t want to put it in competition with the Wynonna-Doc beat

KRIS: I don’t see where it would have fit in but I’m curious about which ship is sailing next season

Yeah that’s what I figured

MIRI: I thiiiiink it’s Wynonna/Dolls

I think the little kiss with Doc was just an acknowledgement of the magnitude of it all and that they care about each other

She and Dolls seemed pretty settled after the vision quest

KRIS: Yeah

MIRI: Which reminds me that we may have the same side/opposite sides thing come up again next season

KRIS: With Doc and Dolls?

MIRI: Dolls and Wynonna

They discuss it in bed after the vision quest

KRIS: Ohhhhh right right

That kind of came out of nowhere for me

MIRI: Yeah, I think it was either a red herring going into the finale arc, or groundwork for future tension

KRIS: I’m basically just looking for a good Andras or Scrofano tweet to end this on

https://twitter.com/MelanieScrofano/status/901230636748464128

https://twitter.com/emtothea/status/901474002631249921

https://twitter.com/emtothea/status/901272365060861952

MIRI: She has a voice she uses to talk to/about cakes. Again, I aspire to be Emily Andras when I grow up

KRIS: https://twitter.com/emtothea/status/901278447497994240

https://twitter.com/emtothea/status/901278890181574656

https://twitter.com/MelanieScrofano/status/901265498771513344

MIRI: KRIS you have to give me time to react to things, stop texting at the speed of Wynonna plot twists!!!!! KRIS: OH we forgot about Jeremy referring to Wayhaught as Wayhaught!

MIRI: Jeremy is the most genre savvy, but in a totally non-annoying way and I love him very much

Oh my godddd I missed this as a callback

KRIS: Oh me too

MIRI: I feel like Jeremy’s “It feels like a Phil” line means they’re not going to go too far with whatever his perception/power is

He’s not all knowing. He has feelings and observations that are just him being Jeremy too

KRIS:  I think I found the winner

MIRI: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

They did say vagina/euphemisms for vagina a lot this episode

KRIS: https://twitter.com/emtothea/status/901264948176629760

MIRI: https://twitter.com/MelanieScrofano/status/901263525510873088

KRIS: https://twitter.com/MelanieScrofano/status/901279279379611648

We’re clearly out of control

MIRI: Our role models are not helpful on that score

KRIS: I feel like this has been a reasonably successful seeing-a-season-through

MIRI: Yes! I liked doing it this way and would be down for picking a show or two to do this for in fall

https://twitter.com/VarunSaranga/status/901268191984439296

KRIS: Maybe a half-hour?

MIRI: Yeah, that would be good. Do we want to do a new one or something returning?

KRIS: I guess we should wait and see

OH we should do Crazy Ex when it comes back

MIRI: YES

That’s not a half hour but YES

KRIS: OK we should really wrap up and have one of us start formatting this monster

Thanks to anyone who followed along with us

MIRI: Definitely! We hope you enjoyed and that you come back and keep enjoying. And let us know if you have any requests!

KRIS: Also fuck it, if the others aren’t watching The Bold Type by the time the season ends we should just do a finale reaction

MIRI: YES SOMEONE IS FINALLY GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE BOLD TYPE WITH ME

KRIS: SOMEONE PLEASE CATALOG EVERY SUTTON REACTION SHOT FOR ME

Wow that’s completely unreasonable, sorry Tumblr I take it back

MIRI: Never apologize, Kris.

Would Melanie Scrofano apologize? I think not

KRIS: Our Lady of Go Fuck Yourself

Hmmm, not my best

MIRI: No, I liked it

[jhorend]

9,13,14,15,21,23 HAH

damn, aight let’s do this

9. Describe their personality in a paragraph.

(I always feel like I’m a bit off with these but w/e. They’re kinda short and I’m too tired to create a well constructed, concise summary for both but the additional responses should give some more insight)

Teokkin - Exceedingly loyal to the cause, pugnacious, and with an active strive for displays of wit, Teokkin fits many of the stereotypes associated with Inquest. He’s determined to earn the respect of his peers, preferably through trust but will resort to fear, particularly those that would not align themselves with Inquest. Of course, it can be a challenge to impose threats on someone when they go crying to the Peacemakers immediately, and so he often must opt to linger on the side of passive aggressiveness and careful wording. When a threat presents itself, he’s seldom the one that throws the first blow, but returns fire with swift retribution.

Nizktt - Reclusive, and a bit eccentric in a way different from most Asura, Nizktt is often more at home in the jungle, without any artificial structure over his head. It’s not quite a return to the race’s roots as tunnel diggers, favoring the above ground more, but caves are nonetheless his favorite dwellings. Even moreso when surrounded by his personal moa flock, to which he has named and carefully bonded with each and every one, having had as many as 18 of them. Some asura would go so far as to call him a savage, or a primate, but he has brushed such namesakes off and they do little to faze him now, regarding those that still call him such to be ignorant and myopic. Even if he spends his time far from laboratories and halls of study, his mind is as capably developed as any typical asura, having undergone the rigors of their education all the way through college before his life centered around the wilds.

13. What’s their favorite place in Tyria, and why?

Teokkin - Like any self respecting bookah-antagonizer, Rata Sum is Teokkin’s home and soul. Though some of his early years were spent beyond the cube, in Metrica, Sum is where he matured into the rat-bat he is now. It’s where he can be comforted by the familiarity, the congregation of great minds (but some are more great than others), a wealth of machines and magical artifice, and the distinctly infrequent presence of non-asuran beings.

Nizktt - Why, his moa cave of course. Most of its occupants have been recovered since Nizktt’s unfortunate imprisonment at the hands of the Magistracy and subsequent freedom granted to him by an opposition group, with credit to his great diligence towards finding the lost moa.

14. What’s their least favorite place, and why?

Teokkin - Any of the major cities of the other races. They are permeated with their smells, voices, and filth, and in far greater concentration than any town or outpost. It’s hard to say which one he hates the most, really. Divinity’s Reach is full of pompous, airheaded lunatics (he, of course, does not hate them because of their conceit, as that would be contradictory, but because they are horribly undeserving of wielding any pretense of superiority). The Black Citadel, or rather, Charr as a whole, in his eyes, embraces brawn over brains in many scenarios, which is just repulsive to him. He has somewhat of a guilty curiosity for their machinations however, outwardly claiming he sees them as horribly rudimentary and primitive like many asura, but knows that is an unsagacious lie after learning of the raw, brutal, and pants-soilingly intimidating destructive capability some of their more inspired creations possess. Hoelbrak on the other hand does not even make an attempt at such creations, and beyond that, essentially takes everything Teokkin dislikes about Charr and magnifies it to a greater scale. Finally, The Grove is a spectacle of both natural and magical biology, but tainted by the utterly obnoxious personality of the many Sylvari inhabiting it. And since Teokkin never was much of a florist, the Grove just isn’t anywhere near appealing enough to overlook the constant pestering and infuriatingly curious nature of the natives.

Nizktt - Speaking of the imprisonment, it’s fairly easy to imagine why Nizktt very quickly developed a terrible dread for that facility. It’s not only the severe trauma it inflicted, which he thankfully was resilient enough to keep forced out of his thoughts after some recovery time but nevertheless seethes with emotion at the memory. It helps that he has an… unusual connection with a species of flightless birds that give him something to ventilate unpleasant feelings to (In a positive way! he’d never hurt precious birbs). The loss of Rizzi though, his longest time traveling and hunting companion, had felt like part of himself perished with her.

15. Describe a high point in their story, and then a low point.

Teokkin - Probably the time he saved Kezza while Gerik was off flirting with Oola, if I’m remembering the name correctly. Teokkin felt a bit of pride in that moment, knowing he’d earned some of Kezza’s favor and elevated her respect of him over Gerik. I still need that RP log tbh… But as I look back on it, Teokkin doesn’t really have any very significant high points; there are lesser ones but Teokkin’s life is more often permeated with misfortune. So, moving onto that:

Let’s look at his more distant past instead of reviewing what happened in RP, cus why not. After Teokkin completely alienated his birth family, being on a tenuous enough relationship as it was, by spontaneously razing their laboratory (the materials within igniting the facility into a veritable inferno at a rate unprecedented even by the krewe utilizing them) through a combination of intentional mischief and innocent negligence which nearly caused the death of them (it DID spell an unfortunate end for some of the other lab technicians on site), he was cast into foster care. It was devastating to him; he didn’t know what he was expecting as punitive action for what he did, especially since he was already lectured on multiple occasions not to play with fire, but to be displaced from the family entirely by his own parents was an outcome not even hinted in his thoughts. It manifested an intense feeling of loneliness that he was quite vividly reminded of in recent times after claiming the position of Magistrate at the expense and subordination of former Magistrix Kezza and Disaggregator Gerik, brought on by their responses.

21. What are their biggest strengths? Biggest weaknesses?

Teokkin - He’d like to say it’s his intellect, but that’s any asura. Loyalty stands out in him, a product of the shame he feels from his rebellious, hoodlum upbringing. Perhaps it’s also intimidation, but that’s a tool he uses surprisingly sparingly, and too many things bigger than him do not take his threats seriously, making bluffs a difficult proposition when the scenario does not allow for violence but still requires a subdued target. Neutralization by electrocution has made a suitable substitute in many scenarios. As an elementalist he’s grown quite proficient in most fields however, and features some martial capability with his convertible, mechanized staff-spear; it’s a shame so much of his prowess goes unused within the constraints the Magistracy places on utilizing violence, as it’s seldom the primary option, but he draws from that ability as a source of confidence all the same. So yes, for an asura that claims to prefer intellectuality and discretion, he’s quite fond of simply projecting near-lethal quantities of electric current upon a victim, or impaling them on a fiery spearhead.

That can just as much be a weakness, and misdirection from the likes of a Mesmer or skilled rogue can easily catch him off guard. Both best be careful to avoid an outburst that would spare little in the vicinity, however. Expounding further, Teokkin’s young, pyromaniacal tendencies were not the product of themselves, but symptoms of a more subtle desire for power, and the respect gained through it; this occasionally manifests in borderline maniacal conniptions that can be a short term boon in combat scenarios but typically ends with prolonged exhaustion and several moments of confusion and self-loathing. These fits are not, however, restricted to direct confrontations, and he simply isn’t in enough battles for him to feel that the results outweigh the negatives of the outbursts. Because of them, Teokkin accepts the Magistracy’s reduced tolerance for violent action as a blessing, and frequently expresses a great deal of self restraint on both starting fights and then elevating them to destructive levels, which can be a limiter for him in attack.

Nizktt- He prides himself on his ability to adapt. He, naturally, was a Statics alumni, finding solutions through re-purposing already existing materials. All it takes to recognize this sort of resourcefulness is for one to notice his handmade bow: crude only in appearance, it is expandable from a shortbow into a longbow, and equipped with blades that are just as suitable for cutting through thick underbrush as it is for slicing and dicing flesh.

He is deeply connected to his moa however, and while they are certainly capable of hiding or defending themselves as well as coming to the aid of one another, they are still animals with limited coordination and intelligence, and instinct that can override rationality. Rizzi was his closest and one of the first he befriended, and he is reminded of that loss constantly when around his moa. Indeed, if something were to inexplicably happen to his flock, it would scar him deeply. Fortunately for him, while it’s usually immediately obvious he has a connection with moa as he almost always has one following him, very few know about the flock and who it belongs to.

23. Give them an AU, any AU.

Teokkin - For funsies sake, it’s exciting to imagine a near-godmode Teo that annihilates everything in his path, the Inquest having acquired him from when he was but toddler-aged, having removed him from his family by force, and amplified his capabilities to essentially use him as a living weapon. Something like the biotics from Mass Effect; like Jack, even. It’s not the most original trope but it’s fun to think of.

Nizktt - Tarzan edition, raised-in-the-wild-by-moa, of course. As if they didn’t have enough of an influence on him. With a hint more seriousness but not really much, Disaggregator Nizktt is an occasional, funny thought.

[housebeleren]

Guilds of Ravnica Missed Opportunities

As we wrap up the Guilds of Ravnica season, I got inspired by this great article from Hipsters of the Coast rating the Limited format as a whole. In particular, the section towards the end about an “alternate universe” where the cards were tweaked slightly.

In particular, I completely agreed with their assessment of Convoke needing more enablers to really work properly, and having better payoffs like Emmara or Venerated Loxodon. So, now that I’ve got a number of drafts under my belt, I thought it’d be fun to run through some more examples and see how a few super minor tweaks to some Commons & Uncommons could have done a lot for the set.

+1 Power to 1/4 base stats

It wasn’t that long ago that we had Thermo Alchemist (at Common!), which makes this wall look somewhat pathetic, since it can’t even ping on it’s own once per turn, making it a wholly unreliable clock. Sure, in a universe with Jump Start, that may have been too powerful of an ability, so I’m not suggesting they make this a tap pinger.

Instead, the real problem with this (and most of the walls in this set), is that it has no power whatsoever. Walls are normally quite effective against aggro decks, but that’s in a universe without Mentor. Mentor creatures don’t care at all about swinging into 0 power walls and still gaining their counters. Even 1 point of power would do a lot to help stymie aggressive starts from creatures like Blade Instructor and Goblin Banneret, and would hold off tokens a lot better too.

-1 Mana to 6W Casting Cost

A White 4/5 Flying creature at Uncommon should reasonably cost just a skosh over 5 mana. 5 mana is a little too cheap, but 5 mana plus tapping 2 creatures seems pretty reasonable, especially given the lack of enablers and the high quality of removal in this set. As it is, I’ve basically never seen anyone run this card, and they know it’s because they’ll invest their entire board into it only to have someone cast Deadly Visit, Capture Sphere, or Command the Storm on it immediately afterward. One mana reduction would go miles in making this card more playable.

+1/+1 to 1/1 base stats

This is another card I basically never see. Problem is, it’s almost never worth casting on turn 4, since it will come out as a 1/1 or 2/2 if you’re lucky, or be completely unplayable. Giving it base stats of 1/1 means that even if you do happen to be lucky, you’re getting a Hostile Minotaur, which is anything but a broken Magic card. Even with this change, I’d guess that the times it comes out as a 4/4 or bigger on turn 4 would be less than 5% of the time, and I’m totally okay with that amount.

The thing is, the difference in the late game is completely negligible, as it coming down as an 8/8 or a 9/9 on turn 12 makes basically no difference. I’d be completely okay with this having stronger base stats.

-1 Mana for ability to 3G for activation

God I miss Regenerate. Sure, I get it’s “confusing” for “new players” or something, but it’s just so much more fucking flavorful than this temporary Indestructible crap. It just doesn’t feel like what I think Wizards thinks it does. 

Aaaaanywho, see my previous comments about how Walls aren’t quite as effective in this format as I wish. Reach goes a long way against the fliers in this format, but the 5 mana activation makes it basically unusable. Just a one mana reduction on the ability would help a ton. Green decks need it.

Change to: “Whenver Haazda Marshal is Mentored...”

This is a cute throwback to Battalion from Gatecrash, but I would have really loved to see something tying back to the new mechanic. It also would have allowed for this card to be a little more useful as a 1-drop. As is, it doesn’t go off as often as I’d like.

Add Trample

This is a weird card. Most of the time, it’s going to be cast for 6 or 7 mana, maybe 5 if you’re lucky, at which point the land clause is basically irrelevant. So really, it’s a glorified 6/6. If you can cast it for 5, that’s a good deal, but even at 6 mana it’s worse than a Colossal Dreadmaw. Giving this creature Trample would make this card a lot more relevant.

Remove Sorcery Speed limitation on activation

As is, this is a Hill Giant. The ability is useful for a Golgari build, but it’s severely limited by the Sorcery speed only activation. Other than simplifying for digital, I can’t imagine why limit it like that. This is another card that is borderline playable, but just needs a tiny push to be better.

Add “If a creature card is put into your graveyard in this way, gain 1 life” to first ability

I get the goal here. It’s meant to facilitate dedicated Undergrowth decks. Problem is, it’s too inconsequential of a card to include in most Undergrowth decks, since they need high creature counts to be relevant. Adding a tiny life gain bonus could help this card by buying extra time for it to really pay off.

Remove “for the first time each turn” from ability.

I’ve played Dimir decks multiple times, and this card is decent and totally playable. But in all the Dimir decks I’ve played or seen played, I’ve almost never seen someone Surveil multiple times in a turn. Removing the limitation wouldn’t have much impact, but it would make the ceiling on this card much higher.

Change to 1/1 with “When Centaur Peacemaker enters the battlefield, create a 2/2 White and Green Elf Knight token with Vigilance

Selesnya has a problem, and the biggest problem is that there aren’t enough good low drops to help act as mana dorks to Convoke out your larger threats. Having a vanilla 3/3 does little for the guild, but having more bodies on board would do wonders. I honestly think changing this 3-drop card to something that made 2 bodies would be the single biggest help Selesnya decks coudl have gotten in the format.

+Menace

Golgari has a number of these really mediocre multicolor creatures, and this is the mediocre-ist. The base stats & pump effect feel right, but without activating the ability, the card does nothing. Giving it Menace naturally would help a lot by allowing it to get in occasional hits in the early game.

+Vigilance

A vanilla 3/4 should cost 4 mana, but even then it’s a little underwhelming. Adding Vigilance to this card would help make this a little more attractive of a deal.

In the end, the set is what we got. But it’s a helpful exercise to think through the card design and evaluate cards. I’ll be curious to think through this type of thing for future sets.