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wheremytwinwatches · 5 years ago

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[Where My Twin Watches]: PMMM Rebellion - Part 1

Showtime! Tephi has seen Rebellion now, so I’ve got the all clear to watch it myself. For planning purposes, I’m keeping a list of break points q_3 suggested (14:30, 30:30, 41:30, 54:30, 1:07:30, 1:23:50, 1:33:30) as planned stopping points between posts, barring ragequits. I’ll be watching the DVD, but feel free to follow along on Netflix! Because apparently the movie is on Netflix, as I only recently discovered when I went there to rewatch some Madoka episodes in preparation for this. All right! Time to dive back into the world of Madoka Magica. Puella Magi Madoka Magica: The Movie - Rebellion

Main menu is split between Ribbon!Homura looking off to the left, and the cover art of Magical Girls on the right. Light flute music playing. Black background, a small but bright pink light growing larger in the screen “We are the ones who pray for hope, embrace curses and fight ever onward. We are Magical Girls.” I think this is Homura narrating. Light shows itself as a Soul Gem, as Homura talks about how in obtaining miracles Magical Girls take a “destiny of battle” upon their souls. And that the destiny ends with the “salvation of oblivion”. Off to a cheery start, here! But! “By disappearing from this world, we could escape our fate of despair.” That’d be the change Madoka made, taking MGs away before they Witchified. Now the Gem’s falling through water, to a window? “Someday, that final day will come. As we wait for the Law of the Cycle to lead us away, we continue our unending battle.” Um, is it just me or am I hearing voices in the background? Can’t make out what they’re saying. “In this irredeemable world, forever repeating its tragedies and hatred, I dreamt that I encountered that familiar smile once again.” Camera is now looking over a sprawling city (Mitakihara, right?) at night, lots of shining steel and glass structures. But a series of colorful lines snake through the air putting out lights, then the artstyle starts getting trippy. Silhouettes of ballerinas?

Uh, now there’s a 2D teddy bear/doll thing dancing? Which just spat out a couple of smaller teddy bears and SWEET MADOKA they just blew through a building! The heck? This is clearly a Witch, what with the Labyrinth and wanton destruction and all, but how? Weren’t Witches replaced by Wraiths in the new world? As is, Teddy Doll is now resting to the graceful classical music and looking at the ballerinas Wait is that Madoka! It’s Madoka! Which… raises so, so many questions. But whatever, just look at her! So cute, shooting her bow into the air… and then frantically dodging the arrow storm. Hmmm, inexperienced Madoka? Teddy Doll runs from the barrage- and is followed by bubble-bouncing Sayaka? Ok, so this has to be an earlier timeline if they are here. Now Kyoko’s joined in the chase! Sayaka and Kyoko both attack Teddy Doll, lovely teamwork between these two, but it slips away from them into a building. Where it sits down at a dinner table? Wait, what’s going on now? There’s a French-style song with an accordion about “dreaming of the morning”, and Madoka just entered with a basket of bread. She’s feeding the Teddy Doll? And Sayaka and Kyoko just came in with more food?

Mami! Artillery Magical Girl is here, with some floating guns and And What the fuck is that thing doing here It’s Dessert Witch, the one that ate her head It’s right behind Mami What the hell Ok, what the hell just happened. Dessert Witch just sat down at the table, there was a huge burst of light as our girls just kept smiling. What is going on? Madoka wakes up? Ah, an odd dream. Wait, are you holding a giant orange Incubator plush? That’s INCUBATOR! GET OUT! That thing is lurking on Madoka’s shelf. Stop acting cute, you freak. I know what you’re capable of. Don’t say “Good morning” to it, Madoka! Cherry tomatoes getting cut? Ah, it’s like the first episode at Madoka’s house! Father gardening, Madoka getting her hungover Mother out of bed. There’s a change in the bathroom dialogue, instead of talking about Hitomi’s love letters it’s about how she’s dating Kyosuke. Well! Isn’t that convenient! Wait, no, this is the show that launched my Ship of Death. Nope nope not pursuing that.

Hey, looks like Madoka already has her Soul Gem in the form of her ring. Confirmation of earlier timeline. Also, Ms. Saotome’s talking about the end of the world in class? She's upset that her students are hooking up while she’s still single? New student transferring to class that day? Hmmm, a certain Mysterious Transfer Student, is it? “I wonder what they’ll be like? I hope we can become friends.” Oh, I have no doubt of that, Madoka. And then the Incubator ruins the mood by showing up. Bleh. Same sweet breakfast scene between the family, Madoka heads out while still chewing her slice of toast. The Incubator hitches a ride on her shoulder, and our Protagonist laughs. Ugh! Stop with the suspense, Urobuchi, looking at Happy Madoka just makes me more and more nervous. A light poppy song comes up, with credits? Intro sequence? Light gloved touches form a tree-shrouded pond, and MG!Madoka strides across the water. Now she’s seated at a carnival teacup ride, as Sayaka and Kyoko spin one of the cups. Daw, they’re on a daFRIENDLY CARNIVAL OUTING BETWEEN FELLOW STUDENTS. Ha, almost got me there, Urobuchi! Homura at the same park at night? Looks up at the sky which is raining white feathers. Madoka walks through a field of flowers next to the amusement park, then through the park hand-in-hand with Sayaka. Now it’s fall (Sayaka is in an adorable beanie and sweater) and they’re joined by Mami. Now it’s winter and Kyoko is chasing Sayaka for withheld food, she trips into Blue-Hair and they tumble to the ground entOH GEE HOPE THEY DIDN’T SCRAPE THEIR KNEES. Whew, too close. Spring again as the four walk up to a white-dress Homura? Homura’s surrounded by gears now, until a hipcheck from Madoka snaps her out of her doldrums and she’s dragged into the amusement park. More flashes of gears, then a carousel where Homura is kneeling and has muted colors, while the other four girls cheerfully dance. Showing how she’s separated from their time? Flashes back to the lake, Madoka extends a hand to help Homura up from her kneeling position. Homura reaches out- Madoka’s hand crumbles to sand? What? Homura’s now in what looks like a desert with stone pillars in the background. Cries? There’s a black earpiece-thing in the sand with a purple gem? And yeah, we end in the desert, the movie’s title coming up.

Well, ok then. I’m completely lost. What does all this mean? Back to the light peaceful music as we repeat the first episode, Madoka meets up with Sayaka- and Kyoko? So she’s going to school with them in this timeline? Quick zooms confirm that the girls have their rings as well, and Sayaka compliments her for her work last night. So they did fight the Teddy Doll? The girls walk into the school, and man the studio got even more animation money for this movie, didn’t they? Lost of students running around, the building looks even more ostentatious that before. Standard Magical Girl chatter about “Oh, I didn’t get the reading done/Meh, I didn’t bother doing the homework, can I copy yours?” Sayaka takes offense to Kyoko trying to copy off of Madoka, they squabble as Madoka tries to play peacekeeper. Even the Incubator pats her head in ‘sympathy’. In class, Teacher’s saying that just because the Mayans were wrong about Doomsday, doesn’t mean that they’re safe! Um. Ok then? Alright, maybe you should take your meds lady. It was bad enough when you wasted class time ranting about your exes, why don’t you do your job. “Well, to be honest… I think perhaps the ending of the world may not be such a bad thing.” Ok really now, you- “After all, I’ve had my fill of dealings with men and love and so forth. If I must carry on this way and have my age rounded up to 40 from now on, I’d rather everything just ended at once, in one fell swoop.” Ah, ok then. Teach’s just having a midlife crisis. Move along, nothing to see here.

Say hello to the Mysterious Transfer Stu- wait. Homura has her glasses and braids? Is this the first timeline, in fact? Even not being so Mysterious, the class all gives a gasp as she enters. And are those blushes I see on our characters' faces? Especially Maodka? Daw, that’s CUTE THAT SHE LIKES WHAT SHE SEES WAIT NO I MEAN IS HAPPY TO SEE A NEW FRIEND. HAH, DODGED THAT ONE. Huh, Homura’s cheerfully saying hi, no hesitation. So not the first one, then. Yup, brushing back her hair she flashes her Ring, our other MGs immediately recognize is for a Soul Gem. Right, this isn’t her first pass so she’s already got her powers. And maybe it’s still early enough she can be happy about the thought of saving Madoka? Now we’re on the roof, apparently Mami already knew about Homura, thought it’d be fun to surprise the other girls. Homura says she should have introduced herself last night, when they were fighting the- Nightmare? Translation change between the show and movie? Mami confirms that she was around last night, and that she has significant power as a Magical Girl. Homura protests that she is more of a support role that anything (still early enough she hasn’t been raiding armories for weapons). Sayaka welcomes the help, as does Kyoko “provided last night wasn’t a fluke”. Madoka grasps her hands, and welcomes her to the team.

All right! Now, what to say about the movie so far? AAAAAAHHHHHH THE DESSERT WITCH IS ALIVE IT IS FOLLOWING OUR GIRLS WHY WHY WHY WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?! Ahem. So, obviously Dessert Witch being around is a Big Deal. Question is, what does it mean? All the signs are pointing toward this being an earlyish run for Homura, not the second because she didn’t immediately spring to blurt out Madoka’s secret, but early enough that Looping Fatigue hasn’t set in yet, nor has she developed her full combat style. However, now that I think about it I’m not sure all the mentions of Nightmares instead of Witches are translation changes anymore. What we saw of Dessert Witch in the show was an entity that wasn’t that cunning, mostly just focused on eating or destruction like the other Witches. But maybe there was a change this timeline. Maybe this time the Witch is taking a more subtle approach, is tricking or brainwashing our Magical Girls to clear out other Witches under the guise of “hunting Nightmares”. Which brings up some rather stark concerns about where this movie will go. Homura knows the truth, knows what Dessert Witch is and can recognize that something is wrong. So it’s only a matter of time before she rebels (title relevance!) and tries to take it out. But I don’t think the manipulated girls are just going to stand by for that. Hmmm.

#wmtw #where my twin watches #ranubis #pmmm #pmmm rebellion #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm rebellion 1

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monkey-network · 6 years ago

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‘Change Your Mind’ was a fun, messy anime hoot ‘n holler, I reckon. Is it my favorite episode of the season? Nah, that’s a different episode that I don’t wanna spoil. Is it the best episode of the arc? Nah, that’s still Escapism. But nevertheless, there is quite a lot to unpack that I wanted to express and if I did a play by play of this 44 minute special, we’d be here for several hours and nobody got time for that. And if I continuously jabber on about this in spaced out posts, I’d feel more like a SU Critical blog than I typically am and that’s pretty depressing. So, I’ve packed all my stray thoughts into one package to get it out the way. Spoilers ahead.

Small headscratch, but I question why it’s notably four episodes on the wikis but it’s essentially one episode and should count as one episode. Can’t really see one part without understanding everything else so I’m a bit confused. Then again, I’m not that encyclopedic on media production so it’s no big deal.

I liked Blue Diamond in the first part and this arc as a whole. In spite of who she generally is, Blue was a consistently good character in that her regret and more motherly nature never felt out of place compared what we’ve seen of her initially because her devastation over Pink’s “death” never felt superficial and the times when she got serious were eyebrow raising to me. And her turnaround in this felt reasonable compared to the others for she thought more of Pink/Steven beforehand and looked like she was more aware of how times have truly changed, even when the allusion to abusive families fall flat.... you know, if we were thinking realistic. Eh, Blue best Diamond, if that means anything.

I question why Yellow had what appears to be forced fusions or genuine crystal amalgamates if Diamonds were against fusion. I understand the ones on Earth, but why was she keeping them, probably for some time now, if she has no use of them? Again, maybe they’re born crystal amalgamates. It’s unclear.

I would say deep down I felt cheated that Lapis and Peridot are apparently cool now even when Lapis took everything in the divorce and did the reentering parallel to an Irish goodbye. But I guess dropping the barn counted as an act of apology, and maybe we’ll see them interact more in the future, so plbbt. At least they got to be badass and anime together while looking the part too.

In the back of mind, I forgot that Bismuth was in the episode sometimes. Beyond giving Connie her sword and raking up that star punch, I can’t say she added much to the story.

Speaking of which, wish the Diamond’s Pearls got to partake in kickassery of the sort. Homeworld was surprisingly empty in hindsight.

Loved Rainbow Quartz the 2nd. He’s beautiful and I would gladly get strong for him.

Only one thing bothered me about Sunstone, aside from the sunction cup summon. and it’s with their small arms. I thought those big arms were more for her shapeshifting since Garnet’s known to shapeshift her limbs to be enormous, but they’re always big so... what value do Sunny’s little arms serve? Least with say, Smokey Quartz or Malachite, their multiple limbs added to their ability but Sunny’s two beefy arms carry most of the way. It’s like adding two dormant legs to the side of a grasshopper. And seriously, what was the point of the suction cups.

Though I love Monty Python reference they added in. That got a huge laugh outta me.

Obsidian was a spectacle, being the first genuinely naked human gem of the series, and the design reminded me a lot of Asura’s Wrath. Though one small detail I wish they had was where Obsidian’s fingers dug into the mech, leaving large dents on the ship, which would’ve hit home the struggle of getting to White as opposed to somehow being able to grip onto the mech’s more or less smooth surface.

Overall I’d say the part between the Diamonds reconciling and finally reaching White was hit or miss if we’re talking writing. Like sacrificing logical flow more for providing the fan service isn’t nothing new, but time could’ve been utilized more for more to go on.

I couldn’t take White as a serious threat anymore, she was just too cheeky and Ebersole sounded like she was really enjoying herself with voiced. I just hope somebody dubbed Glados over her sometime.

Couldn’t take the moment where Steven got his gem ripped out either cuz as hardcore as that was, adding a sound effect sort of killed the tension for me and I laughed my ass off. I’m sorry.

But as much as I loved the scene that was well animated by veteran 2D animator James Baxter, I especially loved the scene where after Pink Steven forms, he turns to White and says, “You should’ve gone for the head.” Snapped his fingers and destroys Homeworld to finally end everyone’s suffering. Like holy shit, that was the best scene in the entire series, hands down.

Plus I like the idea that Pink’s gem... actually fused with Greg’s sperm. *wheezes* I’m the worst

As much I like the idea of White Diamond, having been told off by a child, reforming her viewpoint, being a less coerce being and making the family whole again, the fact that she’s still a mass murdering, mass torturing, mass colonizing, authoritarian Orwellian style villain rubs me the wrong way with how much of a 180 things turned out to be. It’s like if the Beaudelaire siblings immediately forgave and thought Count Olaf was a great person all along after he did that one good thing and then died. But I guess if Steven held White under a small lens of contempt, then it wouldn’t be Steven Universe. What also makes this feel hallow is that.... when you think about it, all this amounted to was the Diamonds doing Steven a solid. They don’t really quit being dictators, they never really claim that Homeworld should change its way, or think White should step down as leader thanks to her perfectionism affecting HW harshly. They’re just nice rulers now... like Kuzco except not as cool. This plot honestly could’ve fallen apart if White Diamond was more reasonable while still maintaining her villainous perfectionism. She was kinda stupid in a way but eh, whatever. Like yeah, she’s shiny... but she’s not

Then again, imagine White Diamond’s current position.

Imagine the sense of losing your entire worldview, ideology, and sense of self to a being the size of your big toe. Imagine everything you’ve built up, potentially taking centuries or millenniums to uphold to sheer excellence, all crumble before you in a instant. How would it feel? To lose your purpose and have nothing to show for yourself beyond your now shrill existence and status regardless of your stature, because you feel that if you were to try again, history could repeat itself but 10x worse. That small being that conquered you, could do it again if tempted and what would you do? What else would you do if you have some semblance that it won’t work out perfectly as before? What else would you do if you’re now capable of fearing something with which you don’t and potentially will never understand? You honestly don’t have anything now, you’re nothing now. So what could work out for you besides smile, wave off your loss with integrity, and feel comfortable knowing that you live another day while understanding now that any day could potentially be your last, given what you know.

You feel me? It’s like that.

And I’ll say that while the Diamonds suddenly having a change of heart can seem off putting, the fact that Steven went through all that shit with his real family just to do so is reasonably sound. Can’t say a redemption arc in the making ain’t all bad if the protagonist didn’t put in work as well. And if Naruto can forgive Sasuke after they beated each other’s ass, I feel that this ain’t too different.

“Change Your Mind“ was a good song, better than the new Crystal Gem extension. A nice cap on the sprite cranberry of an episode.

So it seems like this episode marks the end of Steven Universe. Now it’s time for Steven Universe 2. Because if this wasn’t anime enough... we’re gonna be time skipping, babey. Reasonable enough, this episode messy here and there but I have one counterargument to this, given that this show is five fucking years old.....

I’d be a bitter asshole if I said I didn’t genuinely enjoy this, both initially and on the rewatch. It is an all around entertaining finale and I’m glad it embraced the weeb trashiness in itself like I always knew it would. Funny thing about all this is that we’re going into hiatus and I’m willing to bet that excluding the movie, we’re gonna have the same amount of premieres as last year. But I believe the hiatus won’t matter as much since they certainly gave people quite the show and I can’t help but applaud along.

Now if ya excuse me, I’m off to marathon Kirby Right Back at Ya, an anime I believe is better than SU all things considered. Have a wonderful day.

#su critical #change your mind

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protagonistheavy · 4 years ago

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Shitblast about the Pokemon Presentation incoming:

That sucked the life out of me to be totally, un-exaggeratedly honest. It sucked pretty much any care I could have about Pokemon for a good couple of years at least. The downward slant of the franchise is just ridiculously obvious, and genuinely I don’t think I want to buy into the series anymore -- I’ve gotten burned enough times to not even try and get hyped for anything as ugly as the DP remakes or Legends.

Before I even get into the games they talked about, I just want to rag on that opening video thing. The huge montage of all the different things the pokemon franchise has, uh, infected I guess. Am I the only one that was really, really put-off by this? It just seemed like such a huge ass pat for themselves, like, “woo-hoo, look at our millions of dollars we spent on NOT the video games.” And it’s not even structured in some kind of catchy song, it’s just people chanting out hashtags that pop up on screen. It’s so cheaply made and they do shit like this pretty much every fucking year, I’m sorry but I just found this whole thing to be a waste of time. It didn’t get me hyped for anything to come, that’s for sure, it just reminded me that I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for Pokemon to actually progress itself and catch up with a modern market.

Pokemon Snap was the only cool thing from the presentation, and that’s a game we’ve already known about and is honestly too simple to fail. They would have to REALLY fuck up a game as straightforward as Snap. And this presentation didn’t bring any exciting new light to the game, just confirming that yes, yes you will indeed be taking pictures of pokemon, and then sharing those pictures with friends. Everything they’ve talked about is just the natural modernizations I’d expect from any game claiming to be about photography and made in 2021. The most exciting thing they could show off was the illumination item thing, which is just sorta, okay I guess.

The DP remake was disheartening. I honestly wish they didn’t even bother, and just ported the game as-it-was to the Switch.

I hate these graphics. And no, no it’s not some “style.” This isn’t a stylistic choice, this isn’t a “theme,” whatever this toddler’s toy aesthetic is supposed to be. It isn’t. It’s a budget constraint -- it’s a compromise. And I honestly hate that people are trying to defend it as some sort of art style, when I know 100% they would never defend another game like this nearly as hard. They would look at ANY game with graphics this shit and call it out.

There’s this excuse that it’s an art style theme, akin to Link’s Awakening remake on the Switch. Except, did people forget that Link’s Awakening actually looked good? Because it was actually designed to look like everything was a miniature. They used proper shading and texturing to sell that aesthetic, to make it look pleasing to the eye. Link’s Awakening is proud of its graphics and it does as much as it can visually to lean on that aesthetic. These DP remakes? There’s no heart put into this “art direction” at all. The textures are all plastic and flat and even downright muddy -- compare any screenshot of the remake to an original location and you’ll see how awful the colors are now, and how vague some of the models are after having been transformed from sprites. There’s no intent at all from the devs to actually include the polish necessary to make this style work -- it’s not an art style decision, it’s a budget constraint. They chose this design for the game because it would be easy to make, even easier to animate, and they could then justify slapping both of these games with $60 price tags. And yeah I get it -- “we don’t know how much these games are going to be!” -- no we do, it’s going to be fucking $60 like anything else released on the Switch, but if you seriously think this is worth $50 or even $40, then whatever, spend your damn money.

And yeah I am bitter that this is against precedent of the previous remakes. Every other remake before this had the time taken to update the graphics and direction to modern standards, and every remake was better because of it. It was refreshing to revisit these older worlds with modern sensibilities and an updated perspective -- the whole appeal of updating these older games is to give them the love and depth that technology at the time wouldn’t allow. At least that’s the appeal for me, I guess there’s a LOT of people out there whose appeal to Pokemon as a franchise is just buying whatever fucking comes out next and just mashing that A button into a state of satisfaction. This bums me out so bad that instead of getting something with passion and care, we get the absolute cheapest output; a remake that doesn’t promise anything new or exciting, burdened with absolute shit graphics.

And again, this style just sucks. It isn’t cute lol. I guess some people are gonna be into it, that’s fine I guess, but wow I don’t believe a single person that claims “this is what I imagined DP to be like.” No you didn’t, fuck the shut up? You’re really going to tell me that, in your most immersed state of playing this game, you imagined everything to be these fucking toddler toys? Okay you’re just on your own for that one -- I and every other normal human did not think of the DP world as some chibi fantasyland full of lego people. I hate that this is even excused as being some sort of “hark back” to the older art style -- the older art style wasn’t toy-themed or plastic-themed! What the fuck are people trying to pull here? It’s such a shame that DP had amazing sprite work and a wonderful world and an enticing story, but its remake is just going to underplay all of that, abandon it all just so it can have some gimmicky art style -- at best it’s a gimmicky art style riding the coattails of Link’s Awakening, and at worst it’s a budget cut done to make the game as cheap as possible to shit out.

I’m so disappointed in this. I was really looking forward to experiencing DP as a remake, I’ve never played this generation before. I wanted to play the remakes because I didn’t want to adapt to the older logic of the games, and I wanted to be able to bring in my own pokemon, have my own adventure. I wanted another experience like ORAS or HGSS. I didn’t want to go through the work of trying to play the original in a reasonable way. But since this is the direction of the remake, to make it look cheap as hell and totally heartless, then I’m just forced to play the original, and that sucks on a lot of layers.

And then Legends of Arceus or whatever.

Look. I want to like this game. And realistically I do like the idea of this game. But just like the DP remake, it looks like it’s the absolute cheapest response to what fans have been asking for, and it looks like it just wants to ride off the success of another, better franchise. I’ll make a wish now that I hope this game proves to be so much better than it looks in this presentation.

But wow, wow. I don’t think that’s going to happen. This looks like full-on garbage.

I wanted a BotW-like Pokemon game ever since, well, BotW. I think an open-world format would do wonders for the Pokemon formula, and SwSh had potential with its Wild Areas. But again, all the cheapest choices have been made. This game reeks of developers being told that fans want a BotW-styled Pokemon game, and then responding by just inserting pokemon assets into a beta test world of BotW. They didn’t show anything that looked promising for Pokemon gameplay, they just showed elements that are enough to convince an audience, “trust us, this is an open-world, with open-world mechanics -- like stealth! Rolling into bushes! Isn’t that cool? Isn’t this how you want to catch pokemon?”

It’s heartless. The developers clearly don’t care about making an open-world pokemon game; they’re interested in making pokemon an open-world game, the difference being that they don’t care about actually organically mixing the two. It’s just going to be a slop of open-world mechanics, set in an open-world that has no reason to be explored and is ugly as sin to look at, with mechanics designed to slow you down and fill in that 40-60 hour expectation. And I say this with as much confidence as I do because if they did have anything interesting to mention about Legends, they would have fucking said it -- they would have highlighted where pokemon gameplay intercepts open-world gameplay in a meaningful way, they would have brought attention to new mechanics that could only work in an open-world pokemon game.

They didn’t. They showed off a player character rolling into some bushes, and manually throwing a pokeball.

And that’s just the gameplay. Can’t we all agree this game is visual vomit? Just utterly fucking terrible to look at? There are literally fangames with SUCH better graphics. And there’s no excuse here like “oh it doesn’t LOOK like shit, looking-like-shit is its aesthetic!” No it just looks terrible on every level. The textures are so fucking muddy and stretched. The terrain is cobbled together and without inspiration; flat fields, angular hills, and randomly placed trees and bushes, all of which are rendered so badly that you can always see how 2D they are. The player models are uncomfortably stiff and expressionless. And the pokemon? The fucking pokemon?

Why do the pokemon look so fucking ugly? What’s the goddamn excuse? We see pokemon in the overworld, moving around and prancing about -- and they’re animated at like ten frames per second. That’s being generous! These pokemon look like they had three frames of animation to swap between! What the fuck is this?! Sword and Shield have overworld pokemon running around, and those didn’t need significant frame cuts! So how the hell did they manage to stumble so far backwards?! Why is this even a fucking challenge...?!?! Why do I have to be gaslit to believe that video games can’t do more than this? There are so many games doing so much, so much fucking more in even just one second of gameplay. So many games with intense graphics, explosive effects, tons of enemies and players on-screen, all this happening at once... sometimes online... and yet Pokemon still can’t even animate a fucking monkey dancing around in an empty field. What the fuck is the excuse here? How can they honestly show off this gameplay footage and feel proud of their work, without at least saying something like, “This is early-as-fuck test footage of the game, this is like one week into development, this is why it looks so ugly and unpolished.”

You know those throwaway junk games on Steam? That sell for like three or five dollars, and it’s just a really terrible FPS set in a generic wasteland environment? Yeah THOSE games look ten times better than this shit. There are so many pokemon fangames that exist that do this exact concept but DON’T look like utter garbage on the eyes at the same time. It’s baffling -- why is it so difficult for them to not make an ugly-as-sin game? Why does it have to be this way? How can the Switch host a game like BotW or Mario Odyssey but it can’t fucking handle Pokemon?

And this idea doesn’t even sound fun, the concept of being in the “ancient past” of the Sinnoh region just isn’t what I wanted. When I wanted an open-world Pokemon game, I expected it to be... you know, pokemon! I expected gyms or some kind of equivalent, I imagined it having modern sensibilities... But instead it’s this really gimmicky concept, because I guess the devs can’t possibly imagine the normal pokemon world even possibly engaging with something new and different -- no, we have to go to effectively a whole other planet just to let players have pokemon in an open world.

Ultimately these games are fucking disgusting to look at and it’s so disappointing to see them in this state. The DP remakes chose a cheap art style not because they thought it complemented Sinnoh or its story, but because it was the bare minimum to making the game and justifying a $60 price tag. Legends of Arceus has potential, but it’s showing right off the bat that it doesn’t have the manpower or passion behind it to actually live up to it, making it just another cash grab that relies on chasing the coattails of a more successful franchise. And both seem like insulting cheap answers to the two things die-hard pokemon fans have been asking for, making this situation all the worse.

The Pokemon Company doesn’t care, and neither do I anymore. I genuinely don’t see myself playing another pokemon game. It’s so sad because these games are full of potential, and a long-term commitment is obviously one of its appeals. But if this is the direction of the franchise, then fuck me. I don’t want to support ugly-as-hell spinoffs that exist only to shut up the fanbase, I hate how Sword and Shield came out and I hated how scummy the DLC was to add onto it. This series is blatantly trying to rob players by producing as absolute little as possible, they want to make money out of nothing, and I’m not coughing up that money anymore. This is ridiculous. Sword and Shield being so disappointing was one thing... the DLC being cashgrabs for material that should’ve just been post-game content was mind-numbing... but these two games looking like total garbage is on another level. It’s beyond disappointing; it’s insulting that they would even bother making these games with as little heart as they are, so clearly and obviously making games that they know players will shell out cash for regardless of its quality.

I hope the fanbase really matures and wisens up to this because that’s why we’re in this mess. You’re allowed to enjoy this “art style” of the DP remakes, you’re allowed to be hyped for the new gameplay of Legends... but please, for the love of god, have some higher standards than this. Please look at what other game companies can do with their games, and how much they charge, and how much fulfillment and content is in those games. We need to expect more from the literal most-profitable franchise of all time -- they have the resources, they have the capabilities, they choose to be lazy so that they can get as much money out of us as possible. It’s got to be put to an end. Please ask for more from these games. Please don’t settle for these games “because at least they’re still pokemon,�� “because at least the pokemon battles are the same,” “because at least the older games are still technically playable.”

After all this, I just don’t believe Pokemon anymore when it tries to sell itself “to everybody.” That’s just plain not true. Their core audience is the dumbest of 10 year-olds and the dumbest of die-hard fans. They don’t care about their community any deeper than their wallets.

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dlamp-dictator · 7 years ago

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Allen’s End of the Year Rambling: Fighting Games

So now we get to the part of my End of the Year Rambling where I actually Ramble. This... this is gonna’ be a long one, and I haven’t even gotten to the RPGs yet... Lord help when I do.

So yes, video games. I can’t just talk about everything in one go, I’ve played so much, played too much to be honest. So for the sake of my sanity I’ll be breaking this into genres, starting with fighting games.

I’ll be honest here, I’m not the best at fighting games. As much as I love a lot of the characters, as much as I enjoy writing lyrics to the character themes and fanfics for the lesser known fighting games, I really couldn’t play at a competitive level for my life. My best game is Blazblue, and I can barely keep a 10% win rate on rank.

No, my love of fighting games comes from the aesthetics and the animations.

Fighting games just tend to look very pretty in motion, and as someone that loves action and shounen and all that, games like these are right up my alley in terms of hitting those aesthetics. I don’t mind trying to learn how to play the game, but... well, “Git Gud” is a phrase that will forever haunt me for a reason.

But yeah, I gave just about everything a shot as far as fighting games go this year. I played 2D fighters, 3D fighters, Brawlers, Side-Scrolling Beat-Em-Ups, and so on. If it went on sale on PSN or Steam, I tried it out. So here are some of the highlights and my general thoughts on some of these games.

So first I gotta’ talk about Guilty Gear Xrd Rev 2, Blazblue’s older brother in a way. I’m not gonna’ lie, my opinion of Guilty Gear is a tad... negative due to a lot of Guilty Gear fans putting down on Blazblue fans in the early years of Blazblue’s rising as a fighting game. I know I shouldn’t let that color my view of the game, but it does make it harder to make posts like this, and I can’t help but compare so many things in terms of characters and aesthetics. I tried a bit of Xrd when it came out, the original Xrd back in 2014. I mainly played Chipp and Ramlethal, then mostly Ramlethal since she was a bit easier than Chipp (online anyway). I liked a lot the visuals and animations, it was a bit grittier than Blazblue, and had a much easier story to follow despite being the 3rd (major) game in the series than the time-traveling, multi-dimensional, quantum-mechanical science-meets-magic craziness that was Blazblue. Hell, the voice casting was actually pretty good, even if it felt like they used literally 10 voice actors at times (I swear every English voice actor was playing at least 2 characters). I put it down after awhile and went back to Blazblue and Under Night In-Birth.

What brought me back to Guilty Gear was actually Answer, and not Baiken to everyone’s surprise. As much as I love samurais and tough girls, Answer hit every single Ninja aesthetic I could ask for in the world of Guilty Gear. His suit, his style, how he talks on the phone while he fights, his theme, oh lord, his theme. I bought Rev 2 with every intent on Maining him.

Then I realized I had to learn how his scrolls worked to do that, and went right back to maining Ram.

As far as the story of Rev 2 goes, I... I really don’t care for it. I honestly didn’t bother with it after chapter 2. And honestly, it was because this game didn’t get dubbed.

Yeah... sorry if I’m bringing up an old point of complaint, but when games have visual novel-style cutscenes, or a CG movie in the case of Guilty Gear, to showcase their story I’d really prefer a dub. It’s just easier for me personally to follow the information a bit more. The Japanese voice actors sound fine, and I do prefer Ramlethal’s Japanese voice as a oppose to Erin Fitzgerald if I’m being frank, but... I need a dub for these kinds of story scenes, hearing it in a language I understand helps me. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between, and I’m especially not cutting Guilty Gear a break because of that. The only reason I tolerated it in Blazblue is because it was the finale to Ragna’s story, and I was personally invested in Ragna’s character after 3 games. Sol and the cast of Guilty Gear... don’t get that advantage with me since was my first time really caring about the story. I played a bit of Guilty Gear XX beforehand, but not enough to care.

In terms of how it plays, it’s fine. Personally, I think Guilty Gear is way more strict with inputs. You can’t just fumble around with joystick and expect to combo into a DP like in Blazblue, you need to be accurate. You also have to account for close and far-ranged normals like with Slash and Heavy Slash. Guilty Gear is... just a different animal for me. A more strategic and precise one that punishes mistakes heavily.

I do like a lot about it though. It’s music definitely surpasses Blazblue in terms of quality, my favorites of the Rev 2 track is One Dawn, Dizzy’s theme, and Enough is Enough, Answer’s theme. I’m... trying get lyrics together for those songs, but... eh, it’ll take some times.

Next up, we’ve got Street Fighter 5. Admittedly, I’m not a huge fan of the Street Fighter series, but I do like a handful of character in the sense of aesthetics. Makoto and Ibuki are my favorites, but yeah, I actually bought this game since it was real cheap at the time and I wanted to see if I could actually get into it despite it’s focus on competitive play. I heard this game wasn’t for those looking for a single-player experience, but I needed to see that for myself.

And man, this game is actually tough. Sorry, for the sudden segue, but mechanics of Street Fighter so different to the fast-pace style of an ASW fighter. Doing combos is so hard for me. I know Guilty Gear was tough and punished mashing, but Street Fighter is so much slower paced with how you need to approach it. This game does not want you to button mash for combos. Like, at all. In fact, the main reason I like Ibuki so much is because she one of the few characters who has a handful of combos that you can mash. You need to time things carefully, and that makes things a nightmare for me in netplay sometimes.

But, back to my time with the game. I know I’m beating a dead horse with this critique, but the lack of a true arcade mode or any really single-player experience outside of Survival Mode really bugs me. As someone that isn’t good on a competitive level, nor has an interest in the competitive scene of Street Fighter, I feel like there’s nothing keeping me around. Maybe I could find a group of beginners like me and just pal around with them and improve, but... I don’t know, I don’t think it’s worth it.

In terms of good things about this game, I like the presentation very much. We can... talk about character models and their hair another time, but I like a lot of the outfits and style of the characters. Certain outfits I just had to get for the aesthetics of them. Like I said before, Street Fighter has aesthetics, but... not much outside that is keeping me playing it. Eh, maybe I write a fanfic about the series, who knows?

Alright, next is something I was meaning to get to for awhile, King of Fighters 14. Between this and Street Fighter, I much prefer this one. The inputs took me a minute to get use to, realizing that special inputs could be combined into super inputs and all that, but I like the combo system in this game. I find it a little faster paced than Street Fighter, but not as fast as something like Blazblue. It’s a nice middle ground given my experiences, something I’d be willing to stick a little bit more time into.

I had to uninstall this due to... certain events happening this year with my PS4, but I’m hoping to buy a physical copy of this game at some point in 2018 and try this out in earnest. My favorite characters to use were Mian, Luong, and Mui Mui. I messed around a little with Alice and Vanessa too at the time before... the event. I’m just hoping there’s still a community afterwards when I get this game later.

And last one my fighting game highlights, I tried to get into Tekken 7. I really tried too, but there’s just a lot that’s dissuading me from it. Much like Street Fighter, I feel like the focus was on online and competitive play instead of making a single player experience. Story mode I didn’t care much for since I’m apathetic to Tekken’s storyline as a whole. Arcade mode... is barely there. There’s Treasure battle, but it doesn’t feel like much of a game there. Honestly, I think Tekken 6 was a little better at this. I feel like a lot of previous fighting game titles did more for the single player experience to be honest. I mean, it’s fine if they want to focus on multiplayer and online,but that just didn’t keep my attention. I’m not really interested in reaching a higher tier of playing a fighting game unless we’re talking about Blazblue and Under Night In Birth.

Now if there’s one good thing I can say about Tekken, it’s the animations. If there’s any reason I get 3D fighters, it’s for how fluid all the characters look and move. It’s why I like Virtua Fighter, it’s why I like Dead or Alive, and it’s why I like Tekken. Your character just does cool stuff when playing them, and unlike 2D fighters, it really feels like you’re doing all the crazy martial arts action. Spectacle is probably the main reason I love Tekken so much, and even if I feel this game is lacking, I’ll probably come back to it eventually... eventually.

Honorable Mentions

Blazblue Central Fiction 2.0: I’ll talk about the Blazblue series in depth another time, but I do want to at least finally welcome Jubei to the cast, it’s nice to have you here Cat Person, here’s hoping we can see you in Cross Tag Battle.

Dead or Alive 5: I actually played this a bit more often over this year, not enough to talk about it in depth, but I’ll admit there’s more to this game mechanically than the breast setting... plus I... spend roughly $100 on cute outfits for the girls... hehe... what can I say, I’m a bit of a shameless pervert.

Absolvers: While technically not a fighting game, there’s enough fighting and martial arts in this game for me to give it a quick mention. I liked it well enough, I just wish it ran at a higher frame rate on the PS4 though.

The Plethora of Small-Scale Fighters/Old Re-Releases I Bought This Year: If I talked about all the fighting games I bought and I’d be here all day, so I’ll just list them off here.

Brawlhalla

Chaos Code New Sign of Catastrophe

Garou: Mark of the Wolves

The Last Blade

Melty Blood

Blade Arcus from Shining: Battle Arena

Arcana Heart 3 Love Max Six Stars

And that’s it for fighting games. Again, I care more about fighting games in terms of aesthetics and animations, something I’ll probably Ramble about in the future, but for now... I’ll see you all when I talk about the Fate series... yeah, I’m really hesitating to talk about RPGs guys, just... give me a week at least.

#guilty gear #street fighter #king of fighters #tekken #your dictator is speaking

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furederiko · 7 years ago

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Electronic Entertainment Expo 2017 was held on June 13-15 in Los Angeles, USA. Meaning, it has once again come and gone, and now comes the time to talk about some of its biggest news (ones that matters to me, at least). That's right, it's a Video-Game Special Random-News-Digest this time around...

NOTE: In general, the topics below are categorized under the company that released them. But in some cases, they go by their separate franchises instead. And one more thing, this was supposed to go up yesterday, precisely one day after E3 2017 ended. BUT... due to unexpected technical issues (internet connection, and... my health), I had no choice but to postpone it. Better late than never, I guess... *sigh*

Marvel vs Capcom

Let's kick this off with a collaboration of Marvel and CAPCOM. Aside from another "Monster Hunter" title that I honestly couldn't care less, "Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite" was one of CAPCOM's big showcase this year. Remember that leak that arrived earlier this month, the one that spoiled the game's roster? Looks like that report might be true after all. CAPCOM has officially unveiled several more playable characters: the Marvel side has been added by Sorcerer Supreme Doctor Strange, cosmic warrior Nova, assassin Gamora, and the Mad Titan Thanos; while the CAPCOM side was expanded by silver haired Dante of the original "Devil May Cry" (so NOT the latest reboot "DmC"), Zero from "Rockman X" series, cyborg Spence of "Bionic Commando", and goofy knight Arthur from the action comedy franchise "Ghosts 'n Goblins". Considering all eight of these names fit that roster report, I'm pretty sure the credibility of that leak has been confirmed. Everyone was revealed through the new Story trailer, that also announced that a Story Demo has been made available to those who want to experience the game first-hand. You can also check out some of these characters in action, as well as possible in-game pairings (like Gamora-Strider, Strange-Arthur, and so on), through the official gameplay video.

As I've commented on my previous R-N-D, most of the names (with the exception of two) revealed here are 'has been' characters. So while some people were happy about them, many were equally disappointed, which isn't good considering the internet hasn't been kind towards this title. An issue that stemmed from public's disappointments to "Street Fighter V", really. Thankfully, there was one pleasant surprise that came along with this trailer. And it's Black Panther! Those X-Men enthusiasts who cried foul when Wolverine is omitted from the game, can stop whining because the character officially has a replacement now. I'm pretty confident that Panther is going to share a similar 'slash and dice' movesets, if not simply a re-skin version. Panther's inclusion made a lot of sense, considering his first-ever solo movie is arriving in February 2018. The same logic goes to Thanos, as "Avengers: Infinity War" that will put him in the spotlight will arrive a few months after in May. And thanks to Thanos' importance in the story mode, now I understand why Gamora (who shares a famillial link) is necessary to be included in the core cast. Somehow I suspect she's going to be a re-skin of Jill Valentine though, and that might be an issue. Speaking of problem, Panther's not among the core roster. He will be part of the upcoming 6 character DLCs that already includes Ultron and Sigma, though seemingly will be available on launch as part of the 'Deluxe Edition'. And since we already have Gamora, Rocket Raccoon, and also Groot (who has been confirmed to be an official assist of Rocket, as they come in one package), I wouldn't be surprised if Star-Lord will follow suit among this DLC wagon as well.

Story is usually not a fighting game's forte. Even the seamless touch of "Mortal Kombat" couldn't hide the fact that it's... ridiculous at best. And well... this one is no different. Jugding from the trailer, this game seems to rely heavily on the Infinity Stones, or as Captain America suggested, "Infinite Six". Again, it also makes sense, due to the movie based on it happening in less than a year. After all, why would the title even bothered to have 'Infinite' as the sub-title, if that's not the whole point, right? The universe-shattering plot somehow reminded me of "Street Fighter V" all over again, which wasn't that great. So I'm not too sure CAPCOM will be able to pull this 'cinematic experience' off into something significantly better. The CAPCOM characters already felt... what's the word... out of place? And yikes, what happened to Chun-Li?! Subjectively speaking, she's not as 'ugly' as NetherRealm Studios' design for female characters, but I've certainly seen the Chinese Interpol agent in a much better shape before! On the other hand, never thought I'm gonna say this, but Thanos totally kicked-ass with his Infinity Gauntlet. Getting me more and more excited for the "Infinity War" movie, which might be the other primary goal of this game from the very beginning.

I don't know what you think, but overall this game doesn't look half bad. The design might need some getting used to, but I think it feels closer and closer to the previous 3 titles the more I see it. Unfortunately, as I've said before, the general sentiment of this game is definitely leaning on the side of negative. Fans who have 'tasted' the Story Demo have expressed a similar pessimistic tone as well. With a release date crawling closer and closer, how would CAPCOM react to this? I guess we'll just have to wait and see when the game is officially launched. "Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite" will be released for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC on September 19.

Sonic the Hedgehog

SEGA released a new trailer for "Sonic Forces", and this time around, they introduced the set of villains that Modern, Classic and Custom Sonic will be teaming up to face. I was already sold by the inclusion of a Custom character, but seeing all those arch-nemesises in one place just turned me into... a pure happy camper. And that's not all, because a new powerful and mysterious enemy will be joining, if not commanding them. Infinite, no relations to the above category, will be teaming up with Doctor Ivo Robotnik/Eggman (from... duh, almost every game?), Metal Sonic (who debuted on "Sonic CD"), Chaos (of "Sonic Adventure"), Shadow the Hedgehog (of "Sonic Adventure 2"), and Zavok (from the recent "Sonic Lost World") to take over the world. Seriously, that new villain looks scary, and he's totally stealing my attention. Dang it, I totally wish I can play this game. There's no release date so far, but "Sonic Forces" will be released for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, and PC this holiday.

Dragon Ball

I actually couldn't care less about any "Dragon Ball"-based games beyond the ones released during the 90s, but this one... "Dragon Ball FighterZ"? This totally got my attention! Indeed, it was that good, that it was stealing many E3 attendee's attention with its high speed action, flashy moves, and colorful anime graphics. For some reason, the "Marvel vs Capcom" style felt strong in this, to the point that many people have come to loving this more than that franchise's upcoming release. Ironic, huh? I guess nostalgia does play a crucial factor...

This title is under Bandai Namco, but developed by Arc System Works, and somehow was leaked a few days ahead of its planned official reveal. The latter is the company that is known for franchises like "BlazBlue", "Guilty Gear", and also the "Naruto" series. But unlike the Naruto ones that went full-on 3D style, this one utilized a 2.5D style, which once again, is the right call! Why? The development is in 3D, which as producer Tomoko Hiroki has confirmed, makes some technical elements much easier to pull off, but the visual is of 2D animation. And I say, not just that. "Dragon Ball" IS and has always been an anime, thus the anime style is definitely the way to go when it comes to adapting Son Goku and other character of the long-running franchise. It also easily reminded me of those classic "Dragon Ball" fighting game I used to play on my SEGA Genesis/Mega Drive with my family. Aaah, the good 'ol times when the world was still kind, and people hasn't been corrupted by the irony called... growing up.

The game's official reveal trailer only included 6 characters so far: Son Goku, Vegeta, (child) Son Gohan, Cell, Frieza, and Majin Buu. But since the game will be based on the whole "Dragon Ball Z" arc, it's obvious we'll be seeing many more characters like the twins Android 17 and Android 18, Krillin, (future and child) Trunks, and even Son Goten. Especially with Bandai Namco stressing out that "famous scenes from the Dragon Ball anime reproduced in 60 frames per second and 1080p resolution.". A closed beta demo will be held on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One before the end of summer, so fans who are intrigued to give this game a shot, just need to wait a bit longer. For the time being, we can indulge ourselves with several gameplay videos taken as direct-feed from the E3 hall. You can visit Gematsu (HERE, and HERE) to view them. "Dragon Ball FighterZ" will be released for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC worldwide in early 2018.

Nintendo

Contrary to previous report, Nintendo did take the stage this year, as they announced numerous exciting titles that made MAAANY people happy. Not a surprise as well, because Nintendo Switch was just released 4 months ago, and there haven't been many softwares to complement the hybrid console.

Let's start with what's probably the biggest signature title for Switch. A game that IGN has even crowned to be the "Game of Show", "Best Platformer", and "Best Nintendo Switch Game" of E3 2017. It's none other than... "Super Mario Oddysey"! In this game, players will take Mario on a globe-trotting 3D adventure to collect Moons, a fuel for the airship 'Oddysey' that is necessary to rescue Prince Peach from Bowser. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. How many effing times do Mario needs to walk through the same scenario, right? But never mind that, because this game looked super fun.

I haven't purchased Switch yet, but even I'm already itching to play this game. For so many reasons. That great and catchy theme song that made me dancing like a child. That white broadway top-hat, or Mexican sombrero? And Mario 'possessing' practically any living beings around him with a cap throw? Dang it, if only I can play it right NOW. This looked a lot like "Super Mario Galaxy" on Wii, but with its own... spin. Get it? Here, just take a look at its reveal trailer, or the gameplay videos (available on Gematsu), and tell me if you're not easily charmed by this game. Because if you're not, then I seriously pity your sad childhood (just kidding, no need for death threat!). "Super Mario Odyssey" will launch on October 27th, 2017... only on Nintendo Switch.

The second Switch game for Mario is "Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle", that combines the world of Mario and his Mushroom Kingdom, with Ubisoft's "Rabbids" franchise. Yep, this worst-kept secret collaboration title has been developed by Ubisoft, hence why I don't give the company their own exclusive category (because its content will be separated in two). In this game, Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, and also Yoshi will join forces with their four... Rabbids dopplegangers, to journey four different worlds, in the hope of restoring order to The Mushroom Kingdom. I'm personally NOT a fan of the Rabbids, but even this crossover game looked FUN. And beyond that, according to IGN it has a deep strategic battle system too. But more importantly, this game also proved that Nintendo is becoming more open to allow other developers to use their properties. A fact that inspires great potentials and possibilities in the future. You can watch the official announcement trailer on Youtube, as well as a Development Diary for the game. Gematsu also had 21 minutes of gameplay from the E3 floor, so go ahead and visit the site. "Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle" will be released for Nintendo Switch on August 29th, 2017.

More Mario? Yes... more Mario! Announced during Nintendo's E3 2017 Treehouse live stream, "Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions" is a renewed classic that will arrive on October 6th, 2017 exclusively for Nintendo 3DS. In this game, rather than trying to battle Bowser, the Mario Bros are teaming up WITH Bowser to restore Princess Peach's voice. Visit Youtube for the official trailer, and also Gematsu for 25 minutes of gameplay videos. Wow, Mario is killing it, huh? Nope, not just him, his green dinosaur friend Yoshi is also getting his own Switch game! Conveniently titled as "Yoshi", the 2D side-scrolling adventure will see Yoshi exploring a world of miniature diorama filled with flip-ping surprises. Go ahead and watch the trailer and have your mind... flipped. LOL. "Yoshi" will be released in 2018.

What about other franchises, you wonder? Well, ask and you shall receive! In list form... LOL - The honestly weird-looking "Arms", is getting rave reviews. It's ridiculous fun, even with its lack in the story department as well as... logic. It might look simple, but it has a startling amount of depth that will wow anyone. Many are saying that this will be a hit for families entertainment, and the game is already hitting the market with a DLC already announced. - Fans of the "Metroid" series will also get their share of excitement. "Metroid Prime 4" has been announced for Switch. There's no release date for now, but I'm sure information about that will come in the near future. The same can't be said about "Metroid: Samus Returns" though. A 3D polygon remake of Game Boy classic "Metroid II: The Return of Samus", the title will be officially released for 3DS on September 15th, 2017. - The pink ball Kirby also gets Switch-ed, in the equally conveniently named "Kirby". Kirby will be adventuring in a party of four, which means up to 4 players can play this game together. Don't forget to check out its Hollywood style trailer! "Kirby" doesn't have a release date yet, but is set to be released in 2018. - And "Skyrim" fans? You got it! Complete with amiibo support and Legend of Zelda skins...

As you can see, the library of Switch is expanding like crazy, and it's an exciting turn around especially compared to what happened to Wii U. Those who have purchased this hybrid console since day one, no longer has to worry about not having a game to play. And for those who haven't had a chance to do so... well, the more the reason to get a Nintendo Switch, right? *grins*

Pocket Monsters

Are you among those who are waiting for a core Pokemon title on Switch? And you were disappointed when "Pokemon Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon" was announced for 3DS instead of the rumored "Pokemon Stars"? Well, turns out you only need to wait... a little bit longer. The Pokemon Company president Tsunekazu Ishihara officially announced that Game Freak has begun developing a core RPG title for Nintendo Switch! So it is indeed happening, folks! He added though, that the title "may not release for more than a year, but we hope you will look forward to it all the same", hence why I told you to wait. Then again, more than a year from now can also mean... it MIGHT arrive on November 2018, right? Wow, I'm getting excited for no reason... LOL.

In a way, this announcement has also partially confirmed that the Switch is indeed the officiall replacement of 3DS. Moreso, and this is just a wild guess, but likely the rumor about "Pokemon Stars" was actually referring to this particular development, instead of the recently announced extension of "Pokemon Sun & Moon". Either way, this is a great news, because we're finally getting what many Pokemon fans have been dreaming: a chance to play a Pokemon RPG on the TV screen! How is that possible, you dare ask? DUH, Switch is a hybrid console that enables that! Of course, this also works wonder to Switch itself, because quoting my own words from last week: "The hybrid console is definitely in need of a fan favorite franchise like Pokemon to attract more players". Yes, the E3 announcement for those Mario titles and many others have shut down the public concern of 'Switch is lacking of exclusive game titles'. But having a Pokemon RPG on Switch, will undeniably attract Pokemon fans who are still on the fence to purchase the console and help boost its sales. Want prove? That's easy, because mark my word, I'm TOTALLY getting a Switch (sooner or later) just for this! *geeks out*

By the way, technically speaking, this section should've been part of the Nintendo category. But since it has already established its own category (in various form of medias) for such a long time, I've decided to put it separately.

Assassin's Creed

At long last, Ubisoft officially unveiled "Assassin's Creed: Origins" during Microsoft's E3 2017 stage. It was certainly not a surprise announcement, considering the title was already leaked since May. More than that, a Game Informer coverage was already leaked ahead of E3, officially spilling the beans in a non-official manner. Ouch! Someone at Game Informer is going to get fired...

Confirming the rumor, the new game will take place in Egypt, and as the title suggest, will be telling about the founding of the Assassin's Brotherhood. The main character (but not the only playable one) will be Bayek, a protector of the land whose story will be root of the Creed. Since the game takes place in the ancient Egypt during Cleopatra's reign, we can expect to see Great Pyramids, mythologies, pharaohs, and many other awesome bits from the country's history. Eventhough this game has been in production before the infamous "Assassin's Creed Unity", it will have a new free-form combat system with new A.I., revamped narrative experience and freedom to choose quests, an entire country to full explore, while still retaining and improving the series existing signatures like puzzles, Eagle Vision (through an Eagle named the Senu this time), stealth, that annoying climbing, Naval adventures, and many others. You can check out the official reveal trailer on Youtube, a Gameplay Demo, coverage by Game Informer, as well as a "Mysteries of Ancient Egypt" that gave additional details about the game.

There are several version of the game that fans can purchase. First is the "Deluxe Edition" that contains the game, printed version of the hand-drawn world map, soundtrack, and Digital Deluxe Pack. Second is the "Gold Edition", that adds a Season Pass for upcoming expansions and equipments. There are also the "Collector's Edition", "Dawn of the Creed Collector's Edition", and the special "Dawn of the Creed Legendary Collector's Edition". That last one will add a highly detailed resin statue of Bayek and Senu, The Collector's Certificate of Authenticity, replica of Bayek's eagle skull amulet, two Steelbooks, and four large lithographs signed by the studio artists. This limited edition (only 999 units for worldwide sale) is already available for pre-order exclusively on Ubisoft store for $799,9. As the pricing suggest, this is totally for that devoted fan with plenty of money to spare! *sigh*. Visit Gematsu for further details of these items. "Assassin's Creed: Origins" will be released for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC on October 27th, 2017.

Square Enix

The company brought their top franchise to the convention this year. Several new iterations of "Final Fantasy XV" were announced during the event, while new development on the highly anticipated "Kingdom Hearts III" was also revealed elsewhere.

Second DLC episode for "Final Fantasy XV", one that will focus on Prompto Argentum's solo adventure will be launched on June 27th, 2017, alongside the "Regalia Type-D" update (brings greater freedom to drive Regalia off-road). Just like the first that featured Gladioulus as the central character (released back in March), "Episode Prompto" will likely take place in between the infamous Chapter 13 of the main game as well. If Gladioulus was a hack and slash action genre, then apparently Prompto will take on a first-person shooter experience. Makes sense, really, considering his signature weapon of choice. You can check out a six minutes gameplay video of this DLC on Youtube.

Expanding the "FF XV Universe", two more extension games have been announced. The first one was "Monster of the Deep: Final Fantasy XV", that will be available for PlayStation VR. It's a... fishing game, that let players explore oceans, lakes, ponds, and rivers alongside Noctis and his friends. Clearly based on one of the main game's mini-mission, the game will be launched in September. For now, you can view the official trailer to know that I'm not at all kidding. The second was "King's Knight: Wrath of the Dark Dragon", which apparently is an action RPG. This one's an App game, and will be released on iOS and Android later this year. I can't see the relation of this title with the main game, but I'm sure Final Fantasy fans will dig it like crazy anyway, right? Last but not least, the main game will soon have a major update to support Microsoft's new console. One which I will talk about at the end of this post. "Final Fantasy XV" is available on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One.

As for "Kingdom Hearts III", Square Enix debuted a new trailer during the "Kingdom Hearts Orchestra World Tour". Compared to the "Final Fantasy" one, I personally liked this one better. But while the game looked great, the story seemed to have gotten... even more confusing by and by. Apparently, Hades, Maleficent, and Pete are looking for a Black Box or something, while lead character Sora alongside buddies Donald Duck and Goofy want to bring Roxas to reality, with a certain 'dire cost'. I recall only getting to the second game, thus never experienced the Nintendo DS ones to even have a clue of what's going on. Still, the charm of this series is the various Disney/Squaresoft worlds, and at the end of this trailer, Square Enix officially announced that new information will be delivered at the Disney D23 Expo 2017 on July 15th, 2017. That means there will be new worlds to explore, and I bet it will involve recent released titles like "Frozen", "Moana", and/or "Big Hero 6". "Kingdom Hearts III" is still under development, and hasn't gotten a release date, but is likely to arrive in 2018 for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One.

Taiko no Tatsujin

The latest iteration of the "Taiko Drum Master" series, the "Taiko no Tatsujin: Session de Dodon ga Don!" has been announced on Famitsu Magazine. The game will have a special jam session against other player's musical performance data, that can even be achieved when they are not actually available online. This game will include over 70 songs that cover from famous Japanese classic anime songs, classic orchestral musics, recent tunes from the J-Pop circle, up to modern hypes like the "Pen-Pineapple Apple-Pen". A teaser website has been opened by Bandai Namco, that revealed a special feature to play the game alongside popular characters from Japanese shows. Development has reached 80% and the game is set to be released for PlayStation 4 later this year.

Spider-Man

As proven by their smartphones games like "Future Fight" and "Contest of Champions", or the collaboration with CAPCOM that I've talked about above, Marvel is ramping up on their video game divison. And the one I'm going to talk about here, is their collaboration with Insomniac Games, in form of the non-nonsense titled "Marvel's Spider-Man". It is best known as "Spider-Man PS4" though, because as the nickname suggests, it will be exclusively released on PlayStation 4. And well, since SONY is the copyright owner of the Spider-Man franchise, it's not really much of a surprise huh?

A special 9 minutes gameplay video has been released to give players a sense of what to expect from this game. My reaction? If you're eager to see how Spider-Man gets trapped in a Rocksteady's Arkham game, then this is easily your answer. The whole stalking, cinematic quick-time sequences, as well as exciting one-vs-many combat totally reminded me of those Rocksteady titles. But instead of Batman and his vast array of gadgets, we have Spider-Man and his iconic humor, jokes, acrobatic movesets, and... gadgets in his place. Creative director Bryan Intihar also described the footage in details, through PS4's official blog. It seems Spidey will 'cooperate' with Wilson Fisk, to deal with the Inner Demons gang, who works under Martin Li or Mr. Negative. He will be exploring an open-world of New York to deal with super villains as well as personal matters.

Honestly, I'm not too keen on the human character design, as well as the first suit that has too much white. But this certainly caught my attention. Heck, I think every Marvel fans would be amazed by this. In fact, this game has been confirmed to include additional Spidey suits, as well as multiple Spider-Man characters, meaning there's more to it than what we've seen so far. With strong emphasis on story, it's not a joke that IGN has awarded it as "Best PS4 Game" as well as "Best Action Game" of E3 2017. Here's hoping the actual game will be as good as, if not better than this achievement suggested. "Spider-Man" will be released in 2018.

LEGO Games

New characters have been announced for "LEGO Marvel Super Heroes 2"! Giant teleportation mutt Lockjaw, and Inhumans Queen Medusa have officially entered the game alongside Agent Venom. As to be expected, the whole roster of Guardians of the Galaxy have also been confirmed to be playable in this second game, because the story will pick up directly where the previous title left off. Not to mention tying in to this year's "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" movie. There weren't many details offered for this game, because likely TT Games and Warner Bros Interactive Entertainment is saving more reveals to be delivered on Disney D23. For now, you can watch various gameplays through the official LEGO presentation stream on Youtube. "LEGO Marvel Super Heroes 2" will launch for all consoles on November 14th, 2017.

Professor Layton

Following last month's reveal of the first episode of "Layton's Mistery Journey: Katrielle and The Millionaires' Conspiracy", LEVEL-5 celebrated E3 2017 with with details for the second one. Episode 02, entitled "Song of a Certain Love: Riverside Festival" will focus on the town's tradition of confessing love from opposite sides of River Thames. One that is called "Riverside Confession Show". The legend told that the couple who engaged in that would die unnatural death. But this time, contrary to the annual festive that usually went victim-less, two young people actually get killed! An event that shakes the town, for better or worse. I found the premise of this episode to be exciting, because it means Katrielle isn't just a run-of-the-mill detective in this game. She's going to be investigating deaths, and possible murders!

Another two of the "Seven Millionaires of London" have also been revealed. Joining Ridley Fremens and Clerk Gospec are Andrea Quinto and Zach Lyell. Quinto is a young multi-millionaire who inherited a vast sum of money following the death of her parents. While Lyell is a sharp business who is extensively expanding businesses. He's the president of a group enterprise that owns Long Roller Bank. Up to this point, it's still unclear how or in what capacity these Millionaires are involved in the game. Are they part of a secret organization, that is somehow responsible for Professor Layton's disappearance? Or is there other mystery behind that? And how will they affect Katrielle's life?

Several new features have also been announced. Katrielle will be able to change clothes in the game, and they are specially designed by famous stylist Shouhei Kashima. New outfits can be obtained by using "Special Coins" in the 3DS version, or actual money in the smartphones version. Those who purchase the 3DS download version in Japan will receive a Flora Reinhold-style outfit. Player can also decorate the interior of Katrielle's "Layton Detective Agency" through the new "Room Coordinate" feature. New furnitures might be obtained by trading "Interior Tickets". As for the puzzles, this game is said to have the highest number of them, of all Layton titles. Lastly, the game's theme song "Girls" is sung by Kana Nishino, and will be officially released on July 26. "Layton's Mystery Journey: Katrielle and The Millionaires' Conspiracy" will be released worldwide on July 20th, 2017.

Atari

No, you're NOT reading it wrong. Atari, the classic 90s gaming console that even I have never even seen in real life, is getting back into the hardware business. Apparently, CEO Fred Chesnais had publicly stated this news on the E3 2017 floor. He didn't really go into specifics about this, aside from saying that it is based on PC technology. But could he be talking about that "Ataribox" that has been teased on Youtube? The video DOES call it 'a brand new Atari product'. It even has its own website. The current speculation on the internet, that Atari is attempting to replicate Nintendo's accomplishment with their NES Classic. You know, the one that only saw limited release and has been discontinued? Especially because the video hinted at the "Atari 2600" which was the first console ever released by the company. I guess we'll just have to wait for more information about this. But be honest, would you purchase a NES Classic-esque console just to play classic and likely long-forgotten Atari games? Personally, I'm NOT too sure...

Microsoft

Speaking of console... Okay, let's end this R-N-D with a topic that many are calling to be... the 'MOST POWERFUL' reveal of the Expo. Microsoft has officially unveiled the name of its high-tech console Project Scorpio, and it officially goes by name "Xbox One X". That's... so many Xs, huh? LOL. By 'most powerful', I'm obviously talking about the console's technical specifications of course. And not about that over-confident official tagline that's being boasted throughout the event on T-Shirts, as well as flaunted pretty much everywhere. Hold on... HUH?

Really, its technical specs is certainly no joke. True 4K resolution with 12GB GDDR5 graphic memory, that enable games to run smoothly in 8 million plus pixels resolution (that's the highest possible, for current technology at least); 8-core Custom AMD CPU with 6 Teraflops GPU and 326GB/s Memory Bandwidth, for realistic and smoother animations; liquid cooling and supercharger-style centrifugal fan, to ensure it stays cool with less noise, a system that, according to Xbox Software Engineering Kareem Choudhry, is usually implemented for servers; 8GB flash and 1TB internal HDD storage, with faster hard drive speed; 4K UltraHD Bluray Disc Drive; DTS and DOLBY TrueHD Atmos sounds; various connectivities via wires and wireless; and not to mention being the smallest consoler the company has ever released. To be honest, eventhough I might have an IT background, I have NEVER been into hardware. Thus all these gibberish tech-talks almost put me down to sleep. But I don't think it takes a genius to easily tell that this thing is massive. Undeniably a 'First Class' product that offers immersive gaming experience. According to IGN, the CPU is 30% faster than the current Xbox One, with a GPU that's 4.6 times higher. To ensure backward compatibility with it, all of its accessories and games will work on this Xbox One X, and existing games (like "Dragon Ball FighterZ", "Final Fantasy XV", and "Assassin's Creed: Origins" that I've mentioned above) will soon receive major updates to ensure faster loading time, even for a player who isn't utilizing a 4K TV.

Said technical specification is certainly an eye-popping fact. This is basically a super high-end PC set, in form of a standalone console. Unfortunately, that comparison also immediately raised several glaring questions among the public, particularly game enthusiasts. One that ranged from the most simple, like "Who is this intended for?" to the most philosophical like "Why even bother choose this over PC?". Indeed, which gamer market is Microsoft really trying to aim with this product? Because obviously, to make full use of the UltraHD 4K resolution, a gamer needs to eventually own and plug it into a 4K TV as well. Which is... STILL a really pricey technology that NOT everyone can afford. The fact that the console itself will arrive at an equally 'premium price', feels like a hard wake-up slap to every average guy's face.

Will this win over those gamers who have abandoned home consoles and have since moved on towards PC? In an interview with Gamespot, a developer (who's working on exclusive Xbox title... a random FYI to see the bigger picture) sang praises for Xbox One X by calling it as the most developer-friendly due to its super over-powered hardware. He said, "it's like a high-end PC crammed into this tiny little box". Of course, the logic that follows is, why not just... use a PC instead? A PC World writer has even made a possible comparison to the budget necessary to build one with similar specs. With its own valid pros and cons. The point is, PC gamers will likely opt to spend less money to upgrade their existing PC sets. So is this meant for Xbox fanatics who are looking to upgrade from a very recent Xbox One then? Or VR enthusiasts, eventhough it might be a veeeery niche market? Why not go with the cheaper Xbox One S instead? Hmmm...

Sure, technically speaking, Microsoft has created a console that's... uncomparable, and has no competitor in terms of power and performance (that's the words of Head of Xbox Phil Spencer himself). Will that guarantee a win in the console competition? Remember, the hip and popular neighbour PlayStation 4 (and its 4K extension PS4 Pro) proudly carries the advantages of having far richer library of titles and DLC exclusives, one that only continues to add as we speak. While the sweet and seemingly innocent new kid-on-the-block Nintendo Switch, is offering the ease of mobility, family-friendliness, and multiplayer experience both offline and online. Both are already promising long hours of entertainment with a relative 'family-budget' that seems more inline with the current economical climate throughout the world. So can Microsoft really be certain that their luxury product will appeal a much bigger mass than those? Particularly when sales for the current Xbox One isn't even doing... good? Learning from past experience, the answer to that is rather... skeptical.

No offense to the company, but somehow the term 'most powerful' itself feels... exaggerating much? I mean, A for effort, but it's nothing but a temporary bubble with a very limited lifetime. We are talking about technology here, a means that is ever-changing and ever-evolving. This month, perhaps Xbox One X is indeed the strongest there is, but another console will surely swoop in with better specs and surpassed it. Perhaps next year, if not sooner or later. Trust me, this is coming from a proud Xbox360 owner, who still has the fully operational console and plays its numerous game titles every now and then, and who has consciously skipped out Xbox One due to the lack of interesting titles (aside from monetary situation LOL). What I'm trying to say is, I don't really see the point of moving on towards Xbox One X, at least in the near future. Which is ironic, because what seems to be winning over many gamers' heart, was none other than Xbox One's backward compatibilites. Yes, the exact thing that SONY has been failing to deliver for years, has become the big positive difference that Microsoft is generously offering. Said function will not be available until later this year, but it will support up to classic/original Xbox games! That's an era of 15 years ago, so we're talking about valid nostalgia boost here.

In the end, the common sense is the Xbox One X is NOT for everyone. But it's still all up to you to decide whether you want, NEED, or even afford to have one decorating your already-possibly-expensive home. Lest we forget, freedom of choice, is everyone's basic human rights, regardless of their financial ability *sigh*. This 'most powerful console' is set to be released on November 7th, 2017 at the mindblowing price of $499. I guess that's when its accessibility strength to the general public can truly be tested. So as always, we'll see...

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sazorak · 8 years ago

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What I Thought Of Every Single Game I Played In 2016

I played a bunch of games in 2016. Here's what I thought about them, in a ranked order! This is my list, and if you have problems with me putting games released in previous years on it: fight me.

[2015]

Honorable Mention: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective - DS - ★★★★★ - 2011

Apropos of nothing, I replayed Ghost Trick this year. Man: Ghost Trick is still reaaaaally goddamn good. It's got style, it's got charm. Its bypasses the miserable scavenger-hunt aspects of traditional adventure games by focusing on self-contained environments with limited, obvious points of interaction that put the focus more on sequencing and logic than "well, I guess I'll use the banana on the duck." You spend a lot time thinking about umbrellas, how to knock umbrellas around, and the different shapes umbrellas can take. It made me understand why people like dogs that bark all the time.

This replay has definitely cemented it as my all time favorite adventure game. It's a shame we'll never see another of its ilk. It's some small consolation that the lack of interest in making a sequel prevents Capcom from ruining it with an ill-advised, poorly constructed follow-up. Let them keep milking Phoenix Wright half to death while their masterpiece rests on its mighty laurels. Oh Nick, your poor, poor teats. You don't deserve that kind of treatment.

Coast Guard the Video Game - Steam - ★ - 2015

I have never been so disappointed in a video game.

I admit: this may seem a bit extreme. No one in their right mind would have any kind of expectations for Coast Guard: The Video Game. It's a bottom-of-the-barrel budget release created to capitalize on the fact that there's been literally no other game about the Coast Guard – the point where they literally were able to call the game "Coast Guard." A bunch of Germans made it on a shoestring German-game budget, and sitting on the title screen for longer than 30 seconds causes the whole thing to go haywire. I knew all this going in, and it filled me not with antipathy, but hope.

All I wanted was a game that was not only shitty, but also stupid; I wanted something that would be worthy of showing my pal Chorocojo, a member of the US Coast Guard, so that I could get some real good goofs. It didn't need to be good; it just had to be entertainingly bad and on topic. I just wanted to recapture the kind of inane shittiness that we I loved about Man vs Wild the Game.

The Man vs Wild game was bad. It was cheap. It was stuuuupid. But Man vs Wild was structured in a way that fit the experience. It's a budget title created by a team that knew that even budget titles need some bare minimum of production and gameplay. It doesn't waste your time. Coast Guard, for its stupid story and writing, has absolutely no respect for your time. It suffers the ultimate sin of media: being not only bad, but also plain boring.

Fuck this game.

Sayonara Umihara Kawase - Steam - ★★ - 2015

I picked up the latest title in this reel old series of fish-avoidance fishing-pole-platformers because, frankly, seeing the older games on Game Center CX piqued my interest to see where they've taken the franchise in the intervening decades. Turns out? Not very far. The game is almost identical in every way to the older titles, just rendered in a more modern 3D engine. But boy is this package rough.

The controls are a nightmare. It crashed on me several times. I literally could not figure out how to beat the first boss. You'd think a platformer whose only point of interaction with enemies is "use fishing pole" would have a relatively simple to deduce first boss, but man, you got me. I tried hooking the thing, I tried going over the thing, I tried jumping the thing, I tried pulling the thing. After a half an hour of trying, I realized I really did not care for the game anyway so why bother? There are better uses of my time.

#19: Death Road to Canada - Steam - ★★★ - 2016

Death Road to Canada is... OK? It has some neat procedural design. It has the varied, challenging gameplay you'd expect from a zombie-shooting rogue-like. It's real goofy and doesn't take itself seriously, which is really the only way to handle zombie-apocalypse themed games in 2016. But man: I do not like how this controls. The two-dimensional sprite character look neat, but with how combat operates on a three-dimensional axis, it's frustrating. The forced perspective made it hard to just hit enemies directly above my character, and I fell prey too frequently to damage that arose less from misplay on my part as from an inability to predict how hit boxes work on what feels like an inappropriate aspect angle.

I think part of the issue is that I came to this game less from the perspective of "Hey, I like zombie games!" or even "Hey, I like roguelikes!" (though I've been known to enjoy both of those) but more "Oregon Trail II is a fucking dope game." I think what I wanted out of this was less "2D zombie loot brawler with Oregon Trail II" themes, and more "Another Oregon Trail: I guess there's zombies an anime in this one?" Wait, shit, someone should make an Anime Oregon Trail. Or an Oregon Trail Anime.

Never Alone - Steam - ★★★ - 2014

I appreciate what Never Alone is trying to do. Conveying the folklore of a culture an artistic video game is a brilliant idea, and the atmosphere that they create is fantastic. There's also a lot of interesting documentary material built in.

Problem is: the actual platforming isn't all that fun. Kind of frustrating, really. It's like a low-rent version of Brothers. What they've done is admirable and fine as an experience, but as a game it ironically left be rather cold. Worth experiencing if you're interested in the folklore side of it, but not really otherwise.

#18: Fire Emblem Fates - 3DS - ★★★ - 2016

I'm beginning to suspect I don't actually like Fire Emblem that much.

Here's the thing: My first entry in the series was Awakening. I enjoyed the tactical combat well enough, and the notion of managing the interactions of a really diverse, anime-ass cast was like a weird, omnidirectional relationship magician was neat! Combat scenarios were challenging but not too bad by and large, and the characters and writing were fun— if somewhat shallow. I managed to get through the combat with judicious reloading to keep everyone alive (which I blamed on my inexperience), though I was rather frustrated with just how little they actually managed to do with the cast. The way they had so many characters but none of them really interacted with each other unless you were setting them up to bone down— and none of them really had anything to really do with the ongoing plot beyond being another interchangeable unit in your altogether too oversized army.

After playing through the entirety of Birthright and most of Conquest, and with them really doubling down on the elements I didn't really like in Awakening, I'm really beginning to doubt what I thought I liked about this series. The difficult of combat scenarios are so dependent on minute variations of motion-capability and enemy movement which seem utterly unpredictable without either tons of iterations (ie, retrying a scenario over and over) or by plotting out actions with painstaking detail. The sheer amount of damage that can be done in a single turn is absurd, a reality made trickier by the game's love of introducing enemies in such an unpredictable way that you can be royally screwed if you don't know it's coming. Oh, you left a healer over near this tree? Surprise idiot, apparently a dozen wyvern riders were living in that tree! Birthright swung wildly between trivially easy / too simple missions and frustratingly badly constructed ones. Conquest had more interesting mission design, but they rewarded less tactical expertise and understanding of the systems than the constant-reload mindset required to keep everyone alive – and to ensure your party got enough experience to keep everyone alive down the line.

The writing for Fates is real fucking bad. The story is the most generic, milquetoast-ass warring kingdoms plot, and the way they attempt to throw a twist at is so surface level obvious that the existence of it was baked into their damn marketing campaign. An evil dragon is up to no good and causes a king to go do evil shit and there's literally nothing else it. Not a single twist along the way. I don't need deep literature here, but they need to do SOMETHING with the story beyond what they've been doing. The two games having diverging takes of the same story could have been interesting if it weren't for the fact that it's constructed on so flimsy a framework that in order for it to work it requires the cast to be biggest most stubborn morons imaginable— which really doesn't make me like them at all.

And boy do they really, REALLY struggle from their character's own mortality. Because any character— bar a few crucial exceptions— can die, characters cannot have any writing devoted to them outside the missions where they're recruited, certain character-specific missions, and their ten paragraphs of support dialog in the castle. Because everyone can die at any given point, writing conditional dialog that may not be used would be a waste of the developer's resources / potentially alter the plot- meaning no one actually has any time to build any real character. This is made all stupider by the fact that the game for whatever reason also maintains Awakening's children-generating mechanic, which is spuriously supported in this game by using fast-time bubbles your children are raised in so that they can fight in your army within a day of you getting married / them being born. It's fucking stupid, and they refuse to even tip the tiniest hat to acknowledge it.

The sad part is, I don't think there's much hope in much of this being changed going forward. Permadeath is considered a "core feature" of the Fire Emblem series that grognards love to argue about, and the fundamental combat system has become increasingly more frustrating the more and more I learn it, rather than the other way around. This whole series and paradigm feels like it could learn a lot of what BioWare has done with its own relationship-heavy RPGs, and maybe dial the cast back a bit and put a bit more time into increasing the quality of the writing. Not going to happen though.

Azure Striker Gunvolt - Steam - ★★★ - 2015

Here's a secret about me that you may not know: I like anime. Quite a bit, actually. I've watched a lot of anime. I devoted perhaps too much mental energy during crucial years of my life towards anime. My brain is irreparably wired for it. I cannot escape it. I am anime.

And as much as the anime ideal in my head differs wildly from the style of Azure Striker Gunvolt, I don't dislike having a really stereotypical-ass neon-colored anime romp now and then. That being said: Azure Striker Gunvolt is not an especially good one of those. The story is Mega Man meets X-Men meets Idol music numbers, with very little of what would make all of that any good. The bad guys you face somehow have less character than even ostensibly mindless Mega Man bosses, and the story is way too sparse (and no good) for as much weight as it wants to give it. The music numbers are pretty OK though.

The tag-and-zap system of Gunvolt and its interplay with platforms and dodging enemy fire is interesting and certainly more complex than Mega Man's old run-and-gun, but it's ultimately Gunvolt's downfall as well: it actually requires a bit too much deliberate thought and action to work well. Mega Man, across so many of its platforming-focused instantiations, has been less about precision and more about flow. While the platforming may occasionally be very precise, and they are definitely not mindless games, you still ultimately spend most of your time just holding right and dealing with challenges as they come. It's platforming by gut and feel. Gunvolt rewards precision and punishes slack. It rates you at the end of every mission and basically yells at you if you can't maintain a combo and dodge fire the entire mission. The game expects you to replay the missions and aim for perfection, but I don't feel the mechanics of Gunvolt are good enough to even consider putting that kind of time of mine in. Good for those that do, but nope.

Also, for some reason the US version had a bunch of story shit cut which makes the game even more incoherent. Bizarre.

#17: Worms W.M.D. - Steam - ★★★ - 2016

It's still really fun to import art into Worms and then blow it up. WMD isn't substantially different from Reloaded (which I also liked well enough), but it has enough quality of life improvements and new features that I still enjoyed my time with it playing against my friends. This is about all I want from it. Congrats Worms, you managed to make it this far just from "I enjoy fucking around with my friends".

Transformers: Devastation - Steam - ★★★ - 2015

One of the weird twists of a kind of strange, sort of shitty year was me being exposed more to and getting really into Transformers. I really like the Transformers. I used to not give a Cybertronain shit about these guys but man I get it now (thanks entirely to IDW's great line of Generation 1 comics). Transformers: Devastation is just a big ol' fanservice send up to Transformers from Platinum Studio's B team. Luckily for me, I really like Bayonetta and similar titles from Platinum's menagerie, so a Transformers game with those mechanics sounded pretty great!

And for what it is, Transformers: Devestation IS pretty great. But that "what it is" really just amounts to a budget tie-in game that slaps a mediocre weapon looting system and a simpler version of the Bayonetta combat onto the old generation 1 Transformers license. If you're willing to accept that for what it is and march through four hours or so of somewhat-repetitive encounters so that you can have Optimus Prime punch Megatron in the face in low-earth orbit, it's a good time. It's not exactly something I'd recommend to anyone not into either Transformers OR character action games, but if you like either (both?) of those things, this is a decent enough.

Theatrythm Final Fantasy: Curtain Call - 3DS - ★★★ - 2014

I liked the previous Theatrythm Final Fantasy game for the 3DS well enough. The Final Fantasy series has catchy tunes, playing through them in a vaguely Ouendan manner is fun. This game adds a whole heap of new songs from across the series that wasn't in the previous game, and adds another heap of new characters for exploring the expanded RPG elements (particularly, their quests). The music and rhythm parts are fine, no real objections with those. My big problem with this game is that the RPG elements still have no purpose. Yes, they allow you to get "further" through enemy sequences, get more points or prizes, or stumble through badly performed sections longer - but to what end, really? The major driver for the game when you get down to it is the desire to unlock the characters from across the different series by collecting colored crystals, but there's not a lot of point to this past a desire for completion or to see your favorites. I got my favorites rather quick, and after that the act of actually using and improving those characters felt... empty? It's rather shallow and short lived because they don't really do anything. Each character's unique traits and skills don't serve any other end beyond the numbers getting bigger and bigger, or allowing you to hobble your way through higher difficulties that you may not be able to keep up with.

The RPG aspect is a tacked on element to make their rhythm game more "Final Fantasy", when the game would have been much better served as an RPG that integrated rhythm-based execution of songs into its combat / navigation structure. Their quests play at this kind of idea, but don't actually implement the mechanics in such a way that makes it anything beyond just another way of presenting a randomized sequence of the three different rhythm mini-games— and those mini-games just aren't nearly as well executed as the kind you encountered in Ouendan or Elite Beat Agents in the first place.

Steamworld Dig - 3DS - ★★★ - 2013

Steamworld Dig has a very simple but effective draw: digging deeper to get materials to upgrade your tools to dig deeper to get materials to upgrade your tools to dig deeper to get materials to upgrade your tools is a fun gameplay loop. It's a huge part of what makes Minecraft and its ilk appealing. It targets the weird portion of our lizard brains focused on letting us know that even menial labor can be appealing if you feel like you're slowly accomplishing something.

Steamworld Dig is a great example of how that loop can play out, but that's about it. Its plot is essentially a placeholder, and while it has a mild amount of platforming mechanics for handling its occasional puzzle side levels, none of it really helps it get past being just a digger game. But for a short, cheap game, it's good enough.

#16: Forza Horizon 3 - PC - ★★★ - 2016

It's good to drive a car now and again. I'm not really into these sorts of games much for the racing; it is fine, I don't dislike doing it. Driving faster than other cars in a loop and getting ahead because I drive like a fucker is good. But really I just want to drive around a world far-too-fast and just look at it. Forza Horizon 3 is pretty good for that. The driving feels real good, the cars are fun, and the environment is diverse and interesting.

... but unfortunately, given what I wanted out of the game has less to do with racing and more to do with the environment itself, it is a bit lacking in terms of the longer-term appeal. It actually didn't take long to see all of what they had going on in their tiny Australia; while the environments are diverse, they're actually pretty small. I guess I just wanted something bigger. Forza-style driving in a The Crew-sized world would have been amazing, for example. The big attraction of Forza Horizon 3 is its online features, but frankly I don't have any real interest in that kind of thing; I'm here to treat it as basically a podcast game.

As a side note: the special unique racing events you unlock over the course of the game are actually not that great? As it turns out, racing a train, or some boats, or a helicopter really isn't all that different; they're just time trials with some neat set dressing. The fact that they're basically your reward and motivation for winning a bunch of races is kind of daft. They could do better.

#15: American Truck Simulator - Steam - ★★★ - 2016

Speaking of liking-to-drive while zoning out: man is it fun to drive a truck around the southwestern United States. As I talked about last year with Euro Truck Simulator 2, it's good to have a low-impact simulation that you can just load a podcast or some music on and drive. Problem is: there's way too little of it! If you want me to enjoy driving around you gotta give me more of the country to work with.

Guacamelee: Super Turbo Championship Edition - Wii U - ★★★ - 2013

I really wanted to like Guacamelee more than I do. It's a Metroidvania, which is possibly my favorite gaming genre. It has a great aesthetic. I fucking adore Mexican culture as an aesthetic for fantasy, and Guacamelee has that in spades with its luchador hero-myth, its underworld cast, and its overall world design. It's just got a great, unique feel that jives great with their combat system.

But I REALLY dislike the writing in the game, especially their attempts at comedy. Apparently this is the version where they toned down the amount of meme-y billboards and game references, but holy shit are there still WAY too goddamn much. It feels like nearly every single screen has a reference to old video games taped to the wall, and every single time it takes me completely out of the experience. Games NEED cohesiveness to sell you on their world, and each element should ultimately serve that cohesive whole— or at the very least, not detract from it while doing their own thing. The sheer amount of constant reference-based humor combined with overall just generally mediocre writing, made me cold on the experience.

While the combat was certainly unique and it worked overall pretty well with their arena combat, it just didn't feel all the way there. After a while it just got dull, and instead of varying my moves I started to just rely on tried-and-true combinations to get it done. This was in part due to a number of mechanics being introduced which, while certainly making the combat more dynamic, weren't actually all that fun in the actual flow of things (looking at you, dimension hopping bad guys). Towards the end it began to remind me of the Wolf Link segments of Twilight Princess, which isn't the most ringing of endorsements.

The game as a whole is decent with glimmers of brilliance—, it's just a real shame that there are so many weird inclusions that prevent it from achieving a truly timeless greatness. As a side note: the requirement for getting the "best ending" was stupid and, ultimately, really not that fun to do. Then again, the bad ending is arguably a better one than the "best ending", so that may be beside the point.

#14: SteamWorld Heist - 3DS - ★★★★ - 2016

It's absurd that this game works. The very notion of a 2D XCOM-like just seems like a bad idea? Or just be too simple? SteamWorld Heist is not a super complex game, but what's there is actually incredibly fun. The different class-based abilities paired with the weird guns and hat-removing laser-sight-aiming combat us super interesting. The story and world were pretty forgettable, but the actual combat and missions were varied enough and interesting that I had a good time with it. The hat collection mechanic is such a stupid good idea; the risk reward of "wow that's a different hat, do I take a turn off to shoot that hat off to try to collect it while I'm being shot at?" is both goofy and an interesting complication to the tactical combat.

#13: Inside - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

Inside has a very effective and affective atmosphere. It's dark, it's mysterious, and while playing it I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on. Hell, after finishing it I still have no fucking idea what was going on, and I'm usually pretty good at sussing out this kind of thing. While it is nominally a puzzle-platformer, the puzzles and platforms really only exist to sell the mood and setting and get you asking what's going on, until you reach the final twist where they really throw the whole thing for a loop. It's a good, self-contained experience, though I did not find it nearly as affecting as others did.

The final twist seems like it'd be more impactful if you are particularly susceptible to that style of horror; to me it was mostly just a cool thing that ended a bit too soon, with too many answers unanswered. A microcosm of the game as a whole, really.

#12: XCOM 2 - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

XCOM 2 is... weird. In so many ways it's XCOM But More, which sounds great. The increased customization in terms of character designs, loadouts, and team composition, and the increased variability in mission-style, enemy types, and the overall flow of combat should have made it just an immediate total improvement on XCOM 1. But the story as executed really wasn't different enough (or interesting enough) compared to its predecessor, and the overworld strategic element ended up being more frustrating than I think they intended for.

The real crux of this seems to come down to their focus on ticking clock elements to solve the gameplay problems of the first game. There are just too many time-based fail states, both in and outside of missions. I get why they're there: to force you to keep moving forward and take risks rather than playing it totally safe and defensively, as the game's mechanics would otherwise encourage you to do. The natural inclination when you can be surprised at any given moment and lose valuable soldiers is to play it careful and wait for the enemy to come to you, so making that not an option by forcing to keep moving towards the exit is a great idea in principle. But the actual result is so punitive if you fail to adequately perform due to any number of XCOM-esque unpredictable events ("SURPRISE YOU WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH OF 20 DUDES", "Surprise you got bogged down and lost your whole team before you could evacuate", "Surprise you misjudged the arbitrary overworld clock and just lost the whole game!") that it narrowly misses the point of XCOM. XCOM is supposed to be punishing, but XCOM is more about coming back from the brink than it is supposed to be about avoiding punishment. You're supposed to keep soldiering on. The timer-elements put too much focus on punishment avoidance than on just pulling through the constant struggle. It addresses people playing too safe by forcing them to play risky in order to play it safe. The end result is that gameplay is often times stressful, and not necessarily in a good way. Which is a shame; the actual improvements to base XCOM are by and large GREAT. I had a fantastic time playing XCOM 2, but I am not exactly itching to go back for another run like I was with XCOM. If they had just made some different design decisions, and had more time to polish the game and bug-fix, I could have seen this game much higher on my list.

#11: Firewatch - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

Firewatch has some very interesting character writing and storytelling, but it mostly made me really want to go camping. It's a great representation of what it's like to be in the wilderness around Yellowstone National Park, and just what it's like to hike around and just look at beautiful nature general. I really want to go back to the area now. Damn it.

People give a lot of guff towards these "walking simulator" style narrative-driven games, but I like them an awful lot. They're an interesting approach towards interactive storytelling, and the effect it has on immersing you in the role of its characters is interesting. That being said, Firewatch struggles between making Henry an established, known character, and you "playing" at being Henry. Henry makes a lot of decisions and conclusions that I, personally, would never do. He comes across as a real fuck up at times. Which is fine, I like flawed characters. But when I'm expected to deal with the repercussions of his decisions from a first-person perspective where I even have some amount of dialog choices, it's a bit weird. That's the nature of the medium, to be sure; you can't just let me decide to not go into the wilderness in the first place because then there's no game. But there's still this struggle between the narrative and our place in it that I don't feel like Firewatch necessarily gets wholly right. The contextual handling of decisions is crucial for Firewatch to work (turtle adoption included), but it seems in conflict with the story that they're trying to tell.

I enjoyed the narrative ride by and large, but the ending is abrupt on multiple levels. It feels deliberate and intentional, but I just didn't care for it. Some of that stems from a desire for more closure, but I also think their technical limitations may have caught up with them as well.

#10: Titanfall 2 - Origin - ★★★★ - 2016

Titanfall 2 is a lot of fun, but the experience is in many ways emotionally shallow.

The campaign has an abundance of really interesting design. Bouncing from the shooter equivalent of Powerhouse to committing egregious technochronomancy to what is in essence a HL2 gravity gun sequence to LOADING AUTOAIM DOT EXE, you can tell that the chapters were probably conceived independently of each other. While this might seem like a risk to a coherent overall flow, it results in a varied experience that doesn't dwell too long on any one idea. Mechanics as specific as "time travel" and "AUTO GUN" are introduced, explored, and then discarded before they can grow tired. It's a neat outcome of what must have been several teams prototyping a variety of gameplay designs, then building a framework to tie them all together. And it works!

The unfortunate side effect of this is that it was hard for them to layer a good, well-written, and evocative story over it. Because the game is haphazardly structured between these different extended sequences, there's not a lot of room for its cast and the narrative to breathe. The quality of writing leaves a lot to be desired. You'd think, "Weird gimmick mercs in giant robots challenging you one by one", Snake Eater meets Gundam, would write itself, but the game's refusal to take the time necessary to develop the cast makes each encounter emotionally empty. The lead is a shmuck best defined by being good at shooting men with robots, and his robot body is underutilized and then killed off.

The gameplay, both in singleplayer and in multiplayer, is challenging and fast without being too hectic, but it doesn't achieve the kind of flow I want in a shooter. I suppose that's what you get from a game that's essentially a Super CoD when all things are said and done. Still, I can crush people with a robot from orbit, which is pretty great.

#9: Rhythm Heaven MEGAMIX - 3DS - ★★★★ - 2016

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#8: Overwatch - Battle Net - ★★★★ - 2016

Say what you will about Blizzard. Maybe they always play it safe. Maybe their writing is always terrible. But man can they polish the hell out of a game. Overwatch is an immaculately well-polished team-based shooter. Each hero plays and feels really good and different. Where writing fails them, art and setting design triumphs. Blizzard has some of the most killer creative and art designers in the business.

While they certainly deserve the praise they get for the way they mesh TF2 and MOBA-style hero mechanics, I don't think they get nearly enough attention for how smart they are avoiding the feel-bad elements of those games. The way Overwatch lauds praise on players without surfacing negatives, even in defeat, is a fascinatingly effective bit of smoke and mirrors. Relentless surfacing individual successes without even showing the FPS standby of the kill/death ratio works to the game's benefit, and I can only imagine it has a lot to do with their success in shepherding in a more diverse audience that may not have a background in shooters.

Personally, I got a little bored with it after putting a few dozen hours in, but that's a pretty reasonable amount of time from a multiplayer shooter in my book. It's good. D.VA #1.

#7: Stellaris - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

Stellaris is so close to being a truly great 4X game. The UI is phenomenal, the writing is good, and the varieties of weird things that can happen and that you can do are great. It's easily the most accessible game Paradox has ever made; as someone who has bounced off Crusader Kings 2 and its ilk every time, I easily picked up Stellaris and have put well over a hundred hours into it. As they continue to increment on it, I can see myself putting over a hundred more. The baseline gameplay loop is just VERY, VERY GOOD, and it's caused me to 4X time travel an embarrassing amount of times.

It's so close to being truly great, but there are a number of major issues Paradox still needs to address. Ship combat needs refinement; there's no real tactics, and barely any strategy. War is a slog; the current war goals mechanic makes it painstakingly slow to eke out a victory, even with an overwhelming power disparity. The game needs to support more variety in its playstyles; after a certain point it's kind of rote. Politics, both inside and outside of one's empire, are paper-thin; factions just don't matter at the moment. My xenophilic empires of weirdo alien delights are not nearly weird enough yet; let my race of dirty nasty boys give the xenophobes something to really hate.

I guess I'll have to live with it being a mostly great 4X game for the time being. This is one I'm in for the long haul.

#6: Abzu - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

Like Endless Ocean before it, Abzu is one of the few games that really captures the experience of diving; not so much the technical, grounded experience (which Endless Ocean, while quite fantastical itself, embodies more) but more the emotional experience of experiencing the majesty of the oceans. Abzu is an experience. While there's not much to it beyond just moving forward and looking at fish, the moving forward feels good, the fish look great, and there's some real good visuals and music throughout the ride.

I'm not entirely sure what all happened in it, but it was a relaxing time that made me want to dive more. Good work. Now I've spent hundreds of dollars on new diving gear.

#5: Drawful 2 / Jackbox Party Pack 3 - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

I get the feeling that some permutation of Jackbox Games' party games will exist on my favorite game lists for the remainder of time, just because I really enjoy joking and drawing with my idiot friends. These games are fantastic if you hang with a crowd with like-minded senses of humor. The actual content of Party Pack 3 is a bit hit-and-miss, though TKO is such a standout that I don't care. The drawing ones typically are.

#4: Dark Souls 3 - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

It's kind of funny: one of my biggest complaints about Dark Souls 2 was how it didn't give a due amount of respect to its predecessor in its setting and story. Dark Souls 2 made the events of the first game into just the first in what is apparently an indefinite cycle of people-turning-into-assholes as death loses meaning and the world going haywire. I think part of my distaste stemmed from how it completely cast aside the religious undertones of the first game. I enjoy stories of gods and men, men stabbing gods as the world ends, and then men beginning a new dark age with really tall serpents with too many teeth. As far as I was concerned, that was the canon ending for the first Dark Souls, and Dark Souls 2 didn't really explain how we got from there to, well, Two.

Dark Souls 3 does a much better job playing tribute to its origins, through a lot more explicit explorations of the nature of the world, the mechanics of how the setting works, and the place of larger-than-life figures in it. Where Dark Souls 2 felt like Dark Souls More, Dark Souls 3 feels like Dark Souls Chapter 2: This Time It Ends. And end it does.

Thematic stuff aside, it's also just a good Souls game. There are some really fun location designs and boss fights. It doesn't have quite the absurd amount of interconnectedness that Dark Souls 1 had with its locations, but it was still kind of mind-blowing to come out of a swamp after a few hours and realize I'd looped back to the first area of the game again. I found myself also enjoying the very explicit Dark Souls 1 cameos, though it got a bit stupid in a few places. If you've played the game, you'll know the ones. Knights of Catarina continue to be great, though. Shine on you dullard onion sons.

If there's one real problem I have with the game, it's what they did with the poise mechanic. Whereas in the past it was a viable strategy to wear heavy armor, wield heavy weapons, and go to town because there was an invisible "poise" meter for resisting stagger (offsetting your own slowness to a degree), now EVERYTHING staggers. Fast weapons and low armor are the law of the land and the correct way to play. Their new invincibility-frame interpretation of poise outright sucks, and being Estoc'd to death again and again is a miserable way to go.

Tabletop Simulator - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2015

I don't actually have a lot of first-hand experience with tabletop games of any kind. I've certainly played the occasional board game, but I never really ran with that crowd for most of my life, and my parents have never been much in the way of the game-playing type beyond Scrabble. My exposure to tabletop gaming has a lot to do with my current circle of friends, and I've enjoyed them an awful lot.

Tabletop Simulator's strength is that it is any tabletop game that anyone takes the time to import into its engine. Which includes a lot of really, really good tabletop games as it turns out. It's a bit cheating, but that's the strength of it: it's hundreds of brilliant games in one, so long as you have the friends to play it with.

A lot of goofy improv, card games, and trivia have gone down in Tabletop Simulator for me over the last year. It's probably the game on this list I want to revisit the most, too, as it's a sure-fire way to have a real good time. I really want to play more Snake Oil. Snake Oil is a very good game.

#3: Final Fantasy IX - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

Final Fantasy IX is REALLLLLLY GOOD. Like yes, I had heard this for ages, but it was never on a platform I owned. Finally it has come to Steam, and finally did I play it. And man: real good!

The gameplay is pretty standard JRPG fare for its original era. It's serviceable, but rather unchallenging and doesn't have much in the way of mechanical depth. But the quality of the characters and writing in the game make up for it in spades. I really enjoyed the main cast an awful lot, and liked how much more playful it was than its 3D predecessors (and successors). It's got a sweet love story, meaningful explorations of mortality, loss, and sacrifice, and you at one point save a tiny rat prince from a rather pissed off antlion.

The only thing I really dislike about the game are the oodles of strategy guide hooks that still remain and don't have much meaning in 2016. There are so many weird hidden things that are essentially impossible to divine without a guide (or, in my case, a helpful friend). None of them are mandatory or even crucial, but many of them are actually pretty interesting to the point where missing them would kind of stink. It's bizarre that beating the extra super boss (which admittedly I didn't do) rewards you with an in-game version of the strategy guide that just sits in your inventory as a final fuck-you note of "THERE'S ON WAY YOU'D HAVE MANAGED ANY OF THIS IF YOU HADN'T LOOKED IT UP HUH, THANKS FOR P(L)AYING".

I also could go the rest of my life never having to play Chocobo Hot-and-Cold again because man. MAN.

#2: Pokemon Moon - 3DS - ★★★★★ - 2016

Pokemon Moon is one of the best games in a franchise I adore. It, like its predecessors, is not a particularly challenging RPG. But building a team of weirdo goofball monster friends, raising them up, then doing battle with them against my friends, is really fun!. I am also the kind of weirdo with sincere opinions on the quality of Pokemon storytelling; namely, I want it to be really good AND really stupid.

Pokemon Moon diverges from past Pokemon games by dropping the badge-and-gym system and replacing it with a series of combat-adjacent trials. The switch allowed them to explore alternate ways of presenting Pokemon-based challenges while better using the gym-leader-stand-in trial captains and kahunas, who are all great. The fire island-challenge made me cry laughing. The cast is phenomenal, easily my favorite in the series.

The plot is not nearly as goofy or weird as some of the previous games (to be fair, it's hard to top X & Y's insanity), but the cast is sooooo much better and more likeable that it's hard to really care. The new faces are a diverse, eclectic bunch, and the cameos from old faces are also fantastic. I did not expect to find Grimsley, amateur Dracula, waiting on a beach wearing a kimono so he could give me a shark.

Mechanically, there's also a ton of quality of life improvements that eliminate much of the lingering frustrations that the series has been carrying with it for years now0. The elimination of HMs, the streamlining of breeding and IV stats-checking, and other minor improvements to the interface and menus make the game so much better than its predecessors.

Really, my only complaints about the game are tied to some issues with post-game grind, a much worse online interface system than the deeply integrated one in X&Y, and the fact that the Battle Tower and Battle Royale continue to be imbalanced, poorly structured, and huuuuge cheating pieces of shit. That's Pokemon for you.

#1: Doom - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

DOOM is power.

DOOM is flow.

DOOM is violence.

DOOM is finding yourself surrounded by thirty dozen demons, each more capable of killing you than the last, and then just tearing them apart. DOOM is the lizard brain, the id, knowing how to murder everything around you while the ego is just barely hanging on for the ride.

DOOM gives you the tools and the means to take on everything that they put before you, and then says "Go." The cycle of killing enemies with your arsenal, using the melee takedowns to regain health, and then using the chainsaw to get ammo when you're running dry is beyond satisfying, it is... complete. It is mechanical perfection. Everything is as it is; everything is as it should be. It is combat as a dance, it is violence in motion. The music blares, it screams. The bass is your heartbeat.

Who would have thought DOOM could have a great story? That they would take one of the oldest, most generic franchises in history and turn it into something wonderful? It's the tale of a soulless corporation making the very logical decision to frack Hell so as to provide Earth with clean energy, turning their corporate infrastructure into a cult before awakening the DOOM Marine when it's far too late. The DOOM Marine is re-imagined not as some shmuck with a gun but instead a divine avenger, violence incarnate. The demons write scripture about your coming. Imps tell their kids scary stories about you. Hell announces your arrival on its infernal doorsteps with a rumbling, simple message on the dimension-wide intercom: "He's here." DOOM revolves around Hell doing ANYTHING to try to stop you, not because you can stop their plans, but because you will stop their plans. And that feels awesome.

I don't give a shit about their multiplayer, I don't care about snapmap. DOOM is the ultimate power fantasy. Play it on Ultra-Violence. Demonic presence is at unsafe levels, and we've got the double barreled shotgun needed to make things right.

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0poole · 6 years ago

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Man, Netflix is a godly invention

Seriously. Once my generation takes over, the only TVs will exist in restaurants. Once subscription on-demand services take over (assuming they haven’t already) then cable TV will be done for. Literally the only benefit of cable is that, if you’re punctual enough, and have enough free time, you can “technically” watch whatever you want. On the other hand, you could pay less to access a slightly more limited (when it comes to new stuff) catalogue of shows to watch whenever or wherever you want. Obviously, though, you can’t always find the old stuff you’ve never seen before on cable. That’s what this stuff is good for.

I’ve watched so many great movies that I’ve definitely heard of time and time again, but either never watched, or watched so long ago that I don’t actually remember any of it. Basically, since I have nothing else to do, I’m just gonna talk about the old stuff I’ve watched so far.

Lilo & Stitch: Just finished this one, and it’s the one that made me want to talk about this. OH MY GOD Lilo deserves so many hugs. It was almost bizarre, like this character that, to me, has only existed in merchandise is now... actually... moving? How peculiar, it had feelings all along!

Seriously, though. I thought I saw this movie once, but it really didn’t feel like I did. I definitely had McDonalds toys of discount Wazowski once, but I don’t really remember anything from the movie. It was surprisingly real. I can definitely see how people can appreciate Nani for being the most real and respectable character in all of animation (and also for being sexy despite not having a beautiful™ face).

Also, aliens. When are aliens ever bad? I say, only when they’re mindless, killing lizards (excluding el Xenomorph, I can still like him (still need to see his movie tho)). But, I can always love the classic, bulbous alien designs ala. retro sci-fi. My god, they animated discount Wazowski so well... He looked so boneless and floppy. Not to mention Jumbo being so soft and squishy looking. Stitch himself is such an icon that it’s hard to see him as anything other than Stitch, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, the only Lilo and Stitch derivative I remember was what I remember as a sort of monster-of-the-week series where they had to go around capturing and cataloging the other experiments. It definitely seems like a fitting idea, but of course I really don’t remember any of it. I do remember the yellow stitch-like guy who had a very normal-guy voice and had a thing for sandwiches, though. He was like the comical sidekick to the main baddy.

Bolt: The movie I definitely remember the most of, but wanted to watch again anyways, because I definitely remember liking it. Most of my movie re-watchings are just to solidify my memories of these movies in my current mind, because my past self seriously had a habit of living in the moment so much that I just didn’t bother to remember what I just experienced.

Anyways, I’m just gonna be honest... I’m not a dog person... but when a dog makes a cute girl happy, I’m happy. Also, I have a habit of never crying at the sad parts, and always at the happy resolutions to the sad parts. Oh my god, I remembered the ending, but I still cried my eyes out. The superbark may not actually be super, but it’s super to him, dammit! Seriously, though. Emotions are always at stake when kids movies get real. That was a real fire, and a real risk of death, and he saved the girl.

Also, why are so many cute girls named Penny? In animations, that is. Not that... no, not happening.

I honestly can’t remember any other cute Penny’s (apart from my own Penny) but for some reason that name is eternally one of the cutest girl names out there.

Looking it up though, I can see why. There’s the main girl from the Proud Family (never watched it), the girl sidekick from the Inspector Gadget cartoon (never watched it), and the girl from the Peabody and Sherman movie (watched it and enjoyed it. She was almost a human sacrifice tho). All cute girls.

Atlantis: One of those too-good-for-its-own-good movies. It was seriously cool, but got a criminally low amount of attention.

Really, the movie stands on visuals alone. The scene with Kida walking across the water to the giant floating carvings of past kings... That was some seriously amazing animation. Then, when she was walking back to shore with an invisible forcefield around her, which you could only see because of the water splashing off of it... That was amazing.

I’m 0 for 2 in mentioning cute girls so far, so let’s keep going. Kida’s a big one I’ve seen around in, well, art... Meanwhile, Audrey was right there! How come I haven’t seen this chick anywhere? Did Kida steal her spotlight? I’ll tell ya, ancient technology as a whole is totally my style, but Kida herself isn’t pushing any buttons. But, a sun-kissed girl with bushy hair in overalls is my weakness.

Road to El Dorado: Okay, I actually can’t avoid talking about cute girls in this one. Chel is actually criminally sexy. This level of sexiness should be illegal. I’ve already drawn her. I can’t get enough.

You know, sometimes, when I draw or mention cute/sexy girls, I always have a thought in the back of my head: God, some people are gonna think I’m a creep because of this...

No fuckin shame here dog. She LITERALLY FUCKS ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS TO GET HER WAY. Sexy is one of her character traits, and the designers, animators, writers... they know it. How is this a kid’s movie?

Anyways, the movie... I’ll be honest, I only remembered to watch this one because of the “Both? Both? Both is good.” meme. Being a part of the “artists who draw cute girls” circle, I can’t avoid that meme. Whenever someone says “Boobs or butts?” I see it. Whenever I see “Which of these cute girls should I draw?” I see it. Seriously, that gif has probably been posted more times than the number of people who actually went to see this movie. Then, there’s the gif of Chel bumping her armadillo pal with her hips... Like, come on. She’s hardly even wearing pants. You can’t do this to me.

I did actually enjoy the movie though. I definitely think the concept of “normal people visit ancient society and are believed to be Gods” has a lot of potential in it, and I love the idea that the king of El Dorado doesn’t actually think they’re Gods, and is just playing along pretty much... That’s really fun. I definitely prefer it to the wholly ignorant, possibly also stupid primitives that are 100% sure that the person is their God. It makes a nice dynamic.

The Emperor's New Groove: Come on, what else is there to say? It’s the the-teacher-is-letting-us-watch-a-movie-on-the-last-day-of-school classic. It’s hilarious. It’s fun. It’s got the heckin PACHA MEME BROOOS AMIRITE FELLOW INTERNETERS?

I love the nonsense humor in the movie. I LOVE it. I love it when movies don’t take themselves seriously. It’s the time of the Aztecs, and yet they (didn’t) order a giant trampoline. Rollercoasters. Boy scouts. For some movies, it’s lame, but this one was probably the originator of the idea. Oh my god, the cut outs to Kuzco’s narration? I love it. I love it all.

Cute girls? Uhhh... I mean, Pacha’s daughter was pretty cute, but not the soul-wrenching kinda cute. What about ol’ Vexus? God, I rarely look up voice actors, but Eartha Kitt kills it both as Yzma and as Vexus. It’s the absolute perfect evil voice. It matches the stereotypical “evil” people know, but toys with it the perfect amount to make it super fun. Also, whenever I can relate something back to MLaaTR I’m happy. Cute girls, and all...

Song of the Sea: cute cute cute cute Cute CUTE CUTE.

This is why I watch all movies with subtitles whenever I can. What’s the name of that adorable little girl? Surf-shuh? Shur-suh? It’s Saoirse. I’m honestly surprised I remembered how to spell it.

Remember when I said I cry at happy resolutions? Well, I ALSO cry at scenes that are so impossibly pure, wholesome, and/or cute that it just pours out of my eyes. An example being Colette’s song in the Les Miserables movie. Gets me every time... Anyways, watch the movie, but also spoilers-that-aren’t-spoilers-because-it-was-obviously-going-to-happen: She gets her voice back, and hoooo boy... I nearly died from dehydration. Not much more can be said without actual spoilers...

Aside from the overflowing levels of cuteness in this movie (there are seals btw), I’d die for the mythical elements in this movie. It scratched every itch that The Book of Kells missed. Watched that one on Netflix too, but the ending was so... Bible-ish that I had a hard time feeling satisfied. Obviously it’s for a good reason, since, you know... It’s about the Book of Kells... But for a movie it wasn’t satisfying.

The animation couldn’t possibly fit the subject matter more, though. It has such a stylized stain-glass painting vibe to it. Isn’t there also another one by these guys coming out soon about a wolf girl? I’ll watch the hell out of that one when it comes out. It’s like Laika, but 2D. You watch it just for the animation, if not for anything else.

Monsters vs Aliens: Again, we’ve got aliens. Also, the birth of the giantess fetish, probably. Seriously, though... how did that dress hold up in that first scene? I’m just sayin

If I’m into retro-sci-fi aliens, then I have to also be in classic retro horror trope references. I should really watch the actual The Fly some time. It’s a creepy idea that I really want to indulge in.

I mean, that’s it for that movie. But, the original BLOB? Holy shit, I wanted to watch that movie just to make fun of it, and turns out the theme song did that for me. Hey, this giant alien monster is swallowing up Earth, what kind of a theme should we give it? Jazz with a touch of Surfer? Sure, why not. I love it. I’m a sucker for slimes, and I swear, if I ever manage to write a story about one of my slime characters, I will make a blood pact to reference that song in the story at some point. It’s so good.

Mune, Guardian of the Moon: I don’t usually rewatch movies, but I’m feeling like watching this one again.

Also, I spilled out my guts on this one a long time ago when I first watched it, and I loved it so much I posted it to Tumblr AND Facebook. Since my Tumblr got deleted, I’ll just link to the Facebook post, so I can give it the full respect it deserves: https://www.facebook.com/0poole/posts/967898463366639

Don’t even think about friending me there, though. Facebook is reserved for family matters only. No pesky tumblrs allowed!

There are also a good few I still need to watch. I’d put them in a different post, but since this blog is really just for me to rant, I’ll just keep going:

Shrek: I mean, I know how it starts for sure. Kinda... hard to forget, ya know? Yeah, “forget.” That’s the word. I really just need a refresher on this one.

Astro Boy: Hey, what? There’s an Astro Boy movie? Well, if I’m ever going to understand this franchise, It’ll definitely have to be in movie form. I like MLaaTR and to a lesser extent Robotboy, so why not?

The Prince of Egypt: Remember when I knocked Bible-ish movies? Well, apparently it’s not a problem for this one. It’s clearly has great animation, so why not?

Escape from Planet Earth: I forgot this existed. Everyone did. I saw a trailer for it ages ago, and that’s only how I know it. It’s got aliens, so why not? I remember seeing that Planet 51 was on Netflix too. It’s exactly the same movie but on the other side. I also remember there being an overt penis joke in that one, so...

The Guardian Brothers: What even is this? I don’t know. It’s animation, and not one of those cheap kids shows, so let’s do it.

April and the Extraordinary World: Also don’t really know what this is. It’s 2D animation, and therefore instantly puts it a step above 3D movies in instant interest.

Phantom Boy: I watched A Cat in Paris, and at least didn’t hate the artstyle. It’s a strange look, but unique, so I want to see more.

Look Who’s Back: A story about Hitler being revived in modern times. What could go wrong? Apparently something intriguing enough for people to review this movie well. Or, at least, well enough...

Gnome Alone: Technically these movies aren’t supposed to be Netflix Originals, but, you know... I see cute girl, I click. Looks kinda lame tho

Leap!: I heard that this is a movie with a generic plot, so I kinda left it out of sight. But, might I remind you... I see cute girl, I click. This’ll be my last resort if I’ve exhausted all other cute girl supplies. She is seriously adorable, though.

The Emoji Movie: haha jk we have fun here

There are way too many movies on Netlfix, so there’s obviously more than that. And, that’s not even counting the series... Might separate that into a different post tho

Also, Neflix, my boy... Can we talk about these synopsises of all these great movies? They make each and every one sound like the most generic, pandering bullshit you can think of. Also, I hate how the thumbnails change for some of the movies/shows. To an outsider, it makes it impossible to discern who’s the main character and who’s the bad guy if you don’t already know the content. People make title cards for a reason, you know!

#netflix #rant #rambling #poole #opinions #movies

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