#why dont i have short term memory loss

[kittensandforeheadkisses]

Thankuuu for the tag

took me years to scroll down and then more years to scroll up to see what I'm supposed to mentioned because im a dumb bitch who didn't check the tagged post when i was down

Anyway, it took me more years to actually think about my comfort character because I have a fish memory:)

1. Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani (they're more of a comfort duo. cant choose any one of them// F. R. I. E. N. D. S)

2. Chatnoir (Miraculous Ladybug)

3. Lillian 'Lilly' Linton (I WOULD KILL TO READ HER STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME but every time i re read i always feel warm and happy// Storm and Silence series by Robert Thier)

4. Jacob Maddox (that man, *sigh* that man. there's no one like him. // Yours Truly by Abby Jimenez)

5. Caleb Lockhart (now that i think about it, it's time for another re read// Chasing Red duology by Isabelle Ronin)

I forgot to tag people💀 - @khalnaayika @kadalakari (feel free to ignore this tag if you dont want to engage I won't mind 💗) and anyone else who stumbles upon this post

five comfort characters, five tags

(had to start a new thread, got too long) thanks for tagging me @loulooser ooh i like this okay - nick nelson (osemanverse) - aled last (osemanverse) - peeta mellark (hunger games) - linh song (keeper of the lost cities) - xavier hawthorne (the inheritance games)

tagging @lyssified @mister3127 @raeny-nights-and-faery-lights @weirdo09 @charliethinks

[the-s1lly-corner]

How do you think the digital circus crew would react to a new member who genuinely to want to stay and doesn't want to leave at all?

TADC cast x reader who doesnt wanna leave the circus !

i lied about the previous post being the nights last post, imma spit out one more before i call it a night!! hope this is okay anon, this one may be a little on the short side; maybe.. i always write these notes before everything and forget to edit them accordingly

wrote this as general reactions instead of platonic/romantic/whatever relationship stuff! i like to imagine reader says this when the topic of trying to find an exit comes up... like imagine the atmosphere the looks the !!

CAINE:

hey i mean, hes not gonna stop you from not leaving! caines part is a little weird, since ive seen so many theories on his whole deal and i like them all, i cant settle on just one idea and roll with it... i think he would be thrilled that you want to stay, though.. doesnt have to remind you there is no escape because youre not interested in it... i think he would casually ask why you dont want to leave, though, its not often he finds someone whos content, at least not content without the loss of hope

POMNI:

she was the one who brought up trying to find an exit, again.. she kind of just looks at you with confusion written all over her face. she asks you if you meant that you have given up on trying to escape. you assure her that you just dont want to leave, giving up has nothing to do with it. she just gapes her mouth, before closing. blinks twice, and just asks why. why stay in a program like this? you cant provide an answer that seems to appease her, though... definitely some weird and confused looks from her

RAGATHA:

she doesnt know what to think of it. ragatha herself has come to terms with her position. like sure if there were a plan to escape that truly seemed like it would work, i think she would jump on it and try to leave.. i dont think she would pry you for answers, she believes you have your own personal reasons

JAX:

honestly i dont think he would care, assuming this is as i said in the note above where the topic of escape comes up and you guys arent dating or like best friends. i mean its your life and hes not going to argue with you, if you wanna be stuck in this shithole thats your business. oddly enough doesnt use it as ammo against you, though, and he bullies everyone over just about anything... maybe he cant come up with a cool nickname that makes sense, or otherwise find a way to make fun of you... but. idk

KINGER:

i think kinger would like to escape but i think he just accepted hes going to be stuck here forever. now if he had someone to fight for and be with and they wanted to leave, he would follow them. otherwise hes content with staying put because he doesnt have much incentive or desire remaining to leave. being there for years and seeing so many people fall does that to a person

ZOOBLE:

very similar to jax, in the case that its your business, of course this is assuming you guys arent close to one another. theyre not going to lecture you on how to go about your life. nothing to say here that wasnt already said in jax's segment

GANGLE:

gives you a soft and meek "but why" when you speak up to the group that you dont plan on leaving when pomni brings the topic up. you offer a shrug, or just say you dont want to leave. true utter confusion, and in a dark way believes that you prefer this world over the real one; even when your memories are smeared and burned, if any remain at all

[kaifish-pond]

Howdy Hai! I’m Kai (Oshun/Fox also work!)

I’m a regressor, but this blog is not ONLY regression, but I try and keep it PG, PG-13 at absolute most (Social Justice Stuff gets posted here which is why it gets bumped in rating)

I don’t often look at messages, but I dont mind if you send me a message, it just may take a LONG time for me to get back to you!

I am a relic in internet terms ig. I’m 27 (So I’m a Zillennial, was born at the VERY tail end of ‘96)

I am nonbinary, I was raised as a woman, and still ID strongly with femininity and girlhood, BUT I am still nonbinary bc I do not feel fully woman. I’m like a femme genderflux person with a leaning towards agender. I also use Neopronouns; Pupself and Oceanself, but you can also use She/They and sometimes he

This account is my main account and is the one I follow from. 

I LOVE invertebrates! Right now I’m obsessed with Eresus hermani and Arthrosphaera fumosa. They are BOTH so cute it's maddening! My Nonnie says in the next couple years I will be able to build my own Invertebrate shed!

I have a GREAT love for the Devonian Period, it is ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING! My favorite animal from the period is Dunkleosteus, they were TANKS, just so badass! I also have a soft spot for Tikaaliks (Look em up! They are so cute)

Disability Corner!

I have several Disabilities/Disorders here’s a short list:

AuDHD, BPD, Schizoaffective, C-PTSD, Colitis, NAFLD, COPD, Spondylolisthesis (Anterolisthesis), Asthma, GERD and more :/

I am considered Medically Crippled as I have a disc slippage and pars defect. The cushioning thats supposed to be inside my disc or whatever is squeezed out and pressing against my spinal cord/nerve…

My Pain Management Doctor suggested I get a cane/walker. So hopefully next month I can get a walker/cane

I was kicked in the head by my old horse when I was in the 6th grade and got some nice TBI from it. So I’m a bit messed up in the head, and it kinda changed my personality as well as gave me severe memory loss

I have Learning Disabilities, and was supposed to be on a IEP growing up, but my grandma wouldnt allow me to be placed on one bc I was also very smart in other aspects, such as being incredibly Hyperlexic and teaching myself to read and talk, etc

If I tag something incorrect PLEASE gently correct me, I promise it was NOT intentional. I just am incredibly new to this and social media in general as I grew up UBER religious and was not allowed to have social media much, and when I would sneak and get on it, I would be punished and yelled at. 

I LOVE learning and getting better as a person!!

My Regression Fandoms

Just a smol list of fandoms I like to create Age Regression content for!

ATLA (regressor Zuko and cg Sokka are my faves, but also Flip Katara and Regressor Aang! And Regressor Toph and Cg Sokka)

Scooby Doo (I havent watched every movie/series/etc. I WILL NOT do content for that Velma Show on Max)

Breaking Bad (Transmasc Flip Jesse Pinkman FOREVER + CG Jane)

Dr Who (I have BARELY watched this show, but it consumes my brain)

Sally Face (I havent watched a Sally Face Playthrough since I was a kid and really dont remember much beside wanting Larry/Sal to be my big brothers)

Steven Universe (I have SEVERE issues with this show, but I still love it)

Diary of a Wimpy Kid (I’ve only seen the first movie, but Devon Bostick as Rodrick was AMAZING + Him as a big brother CG would be AWESOME)

Metalocaylpse (Toki is a canon age regressor!!) 

The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings (I havent read/watched in FOREVER, i used to use the movies to help me fall asleep tho xD)

Degrassi (OMG THIS SHOW RULES MY LIFE! I’ve watched from Jr High to Next Class COUNTLESS TIMES)

Teen Titans (Basically any one being a CG for Regressing Raven!! SSsssssSSssoooo CUTE!)

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Bratty Regressor Catra and Stern CG Adora)

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[orchidyoonkook]

My favorite fic of yours: Under The Willow Tree, which I know you know, but I never get tired of talking about it. Every word of this fic is written on my heart. 💘

5. A fic of yours I haven't read but want to: I had just barely started TWWWBAATTA just before heading into my stormy period where I didn't do hardly any reading or writing. It was lovely and your JK is such a cutie and a knock-out, and I'm excited to continue it soon!

8. What I most like about your writing: Firstly, your emphasis on nature and your use of it and its imagery to contribute to the feeling and setting of your plots and scenes. The way that you communicate beauty is really romantic and poetic and I DIG IT. Also, I feel like you are very confident in your characters and who they are - this comes across strongly in your writing and is something I greatly envy.

11. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE WRITE MORE SMUT IN THE FUTURE. Now that The Devil Wears Valentino is out there, the cat is out of the bag - you have an incredible gift for filth, my friend.

12. A fic of yours that I've reread: There are legit chunks of UTWT that I could recite by heart on command.

LOVE YOU BB 🥰🥰🥰

VIOLET HOLY SHIT???!!!??? Literally what did I ever do to deserve such amazing humans around me like??? What god am I in the favour of cuz I need to set up an alter for them rq:

Onto! (this is literally so long im so sorry)

DUDE. I'm on the ground 50 yards away from where i just was cuz thats how hard you've blown me away rn.

1. My favorite fic of yours: Under The Willow Tree, which I know you know, but I never get tired of talking about it. Every word of this fic is written on my heart. 💘

I love how much you love them. And I'm so very glad to have been able to have made something so special to you. It's truly my honour.

5. A fic of yours I haven't read but want to: I had just barely started TWWWBAATTA just before heading into my stormy period where I didn't do hardly any reading or writing. It was lovely and your JK is such a cutie and a knock-out, and I'm excited to continue it soon!

A stormy period??? Did I know about this and completely by accident flake on you??? I'm so sorry if I did. I'm always here I hope you know what. (And please pardon my god awful memory. Short term memory loss sucks so much.)

And never any pressure to read, but when and if you do I hope you enjoy!!! TWWWBAATTA is my brain baby. My first fic and by far the longest thing I've ever written. I love them so much and I hope you will to, but I also understand how daunting getting into a big series is, so literally no pressure at all. You've already been kind enough to me to last a life time <<33

8. What I most like about your writing: Firstly, your emphasis on nature and your use of it and its imagery to contribute to the feeling and setting of your plots and scenes. The way that you communicate beauty is really romantic and poetic and I DIG IT. Also, I feel like you are very confident in your characters and who they are - this comes across strongly in your writing and is something I greatly envy.

WHY IS IT MAKE YOON CRY NIGHT???!!!!!! Im sobbing. I'm facedown in my pillow. A walking waterfall of tears. I dont even know what or where the hell to begin with this. So i'll do what i do best and let my brain vomit on my creative process a lil bit:

i dont even realise i do this until after, the emphasis on nature and imagery and setting plots and scenes. But for me to understand a story, i need a place where i can see the characters, i need to know their place in that setting, and i need a bit of background that sets everything.

-> For UTWT, that was the solace of the tree in the shitty hometown for reader, a reader who's desperate to leave, why they want to leave, and then i give them something. in this case yoongi.

-> for TDWV that was the bar. Why a bar? it's where creatures of the night can go to destress becuase even they aren't always "on." and then why is reader there as a mortal, oh shes a bartender, but that gives her special priveledges with the other species becuase now they cant do anything to her, so shes safe. except for the one thing that disrupts her night. the one thing that goes bump in the night for her. and so how do i take that a step further? I make him obscenely powerful, so powerful that the people who kill her kind for fun are scared of him. And then to seal the deal? I make the big scary man care for the one thing he's supposed to see as less than dirt. I make her special. And you learn this all early on in the story. It cements the who what where when why and you learn the how as you go.

and then when im describing a setting and using things to cement the reality of my stories i go into almost a trance and literally insert myself into it to pick out the details. Visualization is something i've always had "a gift" for. It why i usually dont draw with references, and can look at something crafty and just "know" how to make it. So i guess thats how i do that.

-> like in UTWT. I am the tree and the reader and yoongi. I'm the wind around them and the pond watching them learn to love one another. I'm the motorcycle and the books and the leather jacket shielding them from the rain. I have to be everything to be able to write it the way i see it.

-> and in TDWV i was the bar and the music notes and the black tiled floors. I was yoongi and the reader and the banshees on the balcony and the other creatures. I put myself into everything and think about what they see. what they hear. what do they look like. How do they feel. whats their background, and i think that's why they feel so confident to you. I just - know - everything about them. i need to. to fake it till i make it. to baffle with my bullshit.

as for romance and poetic-ness(?). I've said this before, but it makes me laugh in a good way cuz if you know me irl you know i am the least poetic person alive and i dont do romance. Like i dont even let my partner get me treats bigger than a chocolate bar. (I am learning to be better tho.) So the fact that my writing is two things I am very much not in my waking life, it just goes to show how many sides a person has.

11. (*Something I wish/hope you write) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE WRITE MORE SMUT IN THE FUTURE. Now that The Devil Wears Valentino is out there, the cat is out of the bag - you have an incredible gift for filth, my friend.

dude i was so so scared for the smut. i told you in dms but like i was sweating BUCKETSSSSS. I followed the same process i just described, but then i also had to go over the scene with a completely unsexual, professional and almost sterile eye. I had to think about what would work here. what would work there, should i switch out this word. I should come up with a more creative way to say that, because everyone writes it that way (not that theres anything wrong with that, it's just personal choice.)

and so for example, I'll go with something you pointed out recently from TDWV:

*NSFW INCOMING*

That filthy line when instead of saying he cums, you wrote "as he covers your inner walls in the most sickeningly sweet shade of white." Like, how DARE you?? No one talk to me. I'M NOT OKAY

I've seen this exact thing written as "he paint your walls white" and thats fine. that gets the point across, but i wanted this scene to hit different, i wanted it to show how engrossed he is and she is in this. And so i switched up my words to create a more sensually graphic imagine in the readers head.

and your reaction is all the proof i needed to know it worked the way i wanted it too. And these arent things i think of on the fly in my rough draft. These are things I sit with and brainstorm and tweak to make just right so i get the mental image i want.

*END NSFW PART*

12. A fic of yours that I've reread: There are legit chunks of UTWT that I could recite by heart on command.

Maybe one day i'll test you on this. (jokes) BRO THATS SO FLATTERING LIKE WHAT???!?!!!?!?! I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO COMPREHEND THAT.

LOVE YOU BB 🥰🥰🥰

I WILL BET MY ASS AND YOURS I LOVE YOU MORE <<<<<333333333333

[sonicboomseason3]

s1 ep2: can an evil genius crash on your couch for a few days?

what is this title. if i didnt know any better id think eggmans gonna crash at sonics place

omg

eggman sounding a bit too pollocky and not eggmany enough

i need those pjs. trap door included

wait whos this orange animal and why do they sound like that and someone pls explain

so is this show gonna mainly focus on sonic and tails all throughout. not that im complaining-- the "i have short term memory loss" line just triggered my siri wtf

okay eggman sounding REALLY pollocky now. get him out of there

ohhh so her name is sticks. never seen her before. wonder what shes like

tired!sonic and tired!tails are me tbqh. the main difference is that i do it to myself

update: so sticks is apparently paranoid. has anyone else noticed

does any of their sports tape ever get dirty from them running everywhere. youd think it would since its wrapped around their shoes and all

i like how the other 3 just straight up dont do anything

4/10. it was gonna be 6/10 but i had to deduct for the anti egg yolk propaganda

[habibisagi]

every time i finish or catch up on a manga or anime i somehow forget the majority of the lore and events that happened, i even mix up the chronological order of events and end up lowkey gaslighting myself like no this definitely didn't happen or it did when it didn't ALSKDJDF

[yaatrickyassification]

Hi hi hi! Its me again! Can i request a lee jihoon/Dg and johan seong with a fem!reader who suffer short term memory loss? Pls dont overwork yourself <3 Take care!!♡

-🐢

Thank you for your request! Take care also<3

(I don’t know much about short-term memory loss, so I’m very sorry if I got things wrong.)

[ DG/ James Lee, Johan Seong x Fem! Reader ] - Who suffers from short-term memory loss.

DG/ James Lee:

A little confused about why you kept asking him the same question, you tilted your head to the side, your finger on your chin as if you were contemplating something, you look over towards DG who was peacefully sitting on the white couch of his apartment, "James, do you know where I put my phone?"

DG raises a brow as he puts down the magazine he was reading on the clear glass table, he hums as his index finger points to the room where the both of you reside, "You asked me that question a while ago, your phone's in our room, love." He will piece it all together that you might be suffering from short-term memory loss.

Try to help by researching on the internet or even trying to find any doctors that can assist you. He read on the internet that having a good night's sleep can help, if his singing can aid you, he will sing for you every night.

You let out a content hum as a slow and soft melody drifted in the cool breeze of the night, your eyes closing and opening before you finally succumbed to sleep, a small fond sigh left DG's lips as he looked at your peaceful sleeping figure, "Sweet dreams, [y/n]."

He will take it upon himself to remember the events that happened throughout the day just in case you ask him any questions, he will have sticky notes plastered on the fridge or in the room, written as your schedule for the day, and constant reminders to take care of yourself.

Johan Seong:

He lowkey thought you were messing with him when you keep asking the same question to him over and over again, but when you explain to him that you're suffering from memory loss he will take it upon himself to be your lawful bodyguard.

Every time you forgot where you put something like your phone and wallet, he immediately has it in his hand and gives it to you with a nonchalant expression, "Johan do you know where-" You were cut off as Johan gave you the wallet that you've been trying to find, "here, you left it on the sofa."

Remember the one-night deal between Johan and Jace? He asks the dude what he can do for people who suffer short-term memory loss. He lowered his shoulders as he heard that you need a doctor for that, but then he lightened up again as he heard from Jace that he can help by ensuring a healthy lifestyle.

Will ask you to tag along with him every time he went out of the house to go for a run, you let out a tired huff as your body bent down, your hands on your knees supporting the upper half of your body from collapsing, "What spurred you on going for a run with me?"

Johan looks at you before his eyes shift to the black watch that was on his wrist, "I heard from Jace that having a healthy lifestyle might help." A laugh escaped from your lips, "Thank Jace for me." He nodded his head, his hand hesitantly touching your pinky before finally holding your hand on his firm in his grasp.

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[leftdestiny-posts]

So I want to write something but idk how to go about it

So I’ve got an acquired brain injury and while it differs from person to person, most symptoms are similar to the people who have one. 

I (unfortunately) got injured all over my brain. The neurologists believe I got small bleedings all over the place - I did not hurt my brain on one side only - BUT this results (for me) both long term and short term memory loss/problems. The first 1 or 2 years (idk how long it was but the beginning) people had a hard time coming to terms that I forgot everything. I basically got memory wiped and due to the injury on my brain I continue to forget everything. (This is really sucky for myself, if I dont see my dad for like 3 weeks idk what he looks like and it makes me feel really guilty but luckily the people around me know I dont do it on purpose)

So I have this immense fear of forgetting things (like important ones lmao). Your emotional memory is stronger than your “visual” (don't know the word for it rn, but as one remembers something with more than just a feeling) one, so I tend to remember things where I had strong emotions. For me its negative > positive - I'm more likely to remember bad memories of people than the good ones (best I can do is try to write stuff down and to not forget that I wrote it down (spoiler: i always forget))

Hmmm,,, lets say someone approaches me. I haven't seen them in a year and I’ve fully forgotten who they are and what they were to me. It’s a really unsettling feeling because this stranger knows me. They know my behavioural patterns and the average person tends to remember small facts about persons even if they haven’t seen each other in a while (the whole ‘catching up’ thing doesn't work with me) So ye. not the party I want - you can imagine how I get jumpscared because a ‘stranger’ knows what I did last year and what my fav food is (and i dont even know what my fav food is)

But sometimes I have this feeling of despair in my stomach, and because I'm missing those memories, I'm unable to place why I’m feeling it. It’s scary because when it happens in a situation where a person approaches me I know I’m missing something. Did I do something to them? Did they do something to me? Are they bad? Why are they familiar with me? What am I missing? So, sometimes I know people are bad, but I’m unable to back it up. 

in internet its better but in real life this is really spooky

Halloween special? maybe. I wanted to write amnesia characteristics somewhere but I don’t know how to fully go about it. 

It could be unsettling things but there are ‘wholesome’ things as well. 

People I see daily often hear me talk repeatedly about upcoming events I’m excited about - because I forget I already said it to them. 

My enthusiasm stays as strong as it was and 9/10 people let me ramble on before telling me I already told them. It’s awkward af to me (yall making fun of me? probably not but it still feels like im the only one not included in the joke) but people say its nice to see me react constantly / honestly, since my approach and behaviour didnt change

I honestly fall in love with the same things once in a while. I fully forget them and when I rediscover it I am fully enraptured by it (once again)

Oh, not to forget those stupid moments where I blank out:

Me: ye I drove across street 88 today and I saw this gorgeous periwinkle...

me: ...

friend: ???

me: ...

me: ???

me: so weather nice, huh?

Speech problems are usually a daily nuiscance as well. My brain therapist has met this one guy that was fully unable to talk, so im very fortunate, but still. I prefer chatting much more than talking because ill forget the word ‘tree’ and it’s so embarrasing and stupid but I know the word - im just unable to say it and aaaa

So yes. I will write something, just unsure what and how. Spooky or wholesome? we’ll see. I have too many wips so I had to write this off of my chest before it confusmed me.

If you actually read this

Idk why you did but hi! :D now you know more about me ig

[white-poppie]

Q/A for L'appel Du Vide

Hey there Poppies! I was re-reading L'appel DU Vide for editing and I realised there were some loose ends so I will answer your questions here :3

Link to the fic:  L'appel du vide

Link to the directory of the fic---https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/white-poppie/685144119785422848?source=share

NOTE: DONT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T READ L’APPEL DU VIDE YET, THIS POST HAS A LOT OF SPOILERS!!

Q: How did Y/N lose her memory?

Ans: Y/N suffered from short-term memory loss due to her traumatic experience. ie the death of Hanma Shuji and the killer being Sano Manjiro.

Q: Who killed Hanma?

Ans: Manjiro Sano killed Hanma

Q: Why did Mikey kill Hanma?

Ans: Originally, Mikey's plan was to kill Y/n and all the other people linked to his past (founders of Toman + Takemitchi) just like Manila Mikey in the post-Winter Showdown arc. 

Hanma got to know of Mikey's plan and he made a run to save Y/n, unfortunately, Mikey caught up to them and Hanma begged for the exchange of his life for Y/N's.

Mikey had to kill Shuji because he was in his way of destroying his past.

Q: If Mikey knew Y/N was alive and was searching for Shuji's killer, then why didn't he kill her even after she joined as Bonten's secretary?'

Ans: I tried my best to catch the essence of Mikey being a highly unstable individual. His reasoning had two clauses:

(Entertainment):

Later he decided that instead of killing his past he wanted to preserve the remnants of it.He realized he wanted you as a specimen, to see how long it takes for you to crumble in his hands. Mikey was watching your every step. He should have killed you while he had a chance, but he couldn't... He couldn't kill his entertainment. 

(The guilt)

"It took him years to realize this, but He is a sinner. He has attended too many funerals in one life. Shinichiro, Izana, Emma, Baji... everyone died because of him. He was sure you too would die, the only person in this world that he had left. He won't be able to bear that...not anymore, please."

Q: Did Ran have Romantic feelings for Y/N?

Ans: No, his feelings were solely based on power imbalance and lustful infatuation with meek and petite females. However, I tried to make it less creepy by giving him the 'Wattpad-mafia' vibes 😂

Q: How did Koko already know Y/N?

Ans: Hanma used to take Y/N to club Ichor once a while, so that is how their introduction began.

Q: Who is your personal favourite in the book?

Ans: Oh lord, I hope my bias wasn't surfacing too much, but I would say: The Fanon Shuji I made up and...Mitsuya and Draken Ughh I can't choose between these two.

Have any more questions that you want me to answer? Please don't be shy and feel free to comment. You can message me privately or ask them in my conversations, send anons etc etc

I would be more than happy to answer any questions regarding the writing process, the plot, the characters, my life or any absolutely random question <3

Peace 

Gauri

Tags: @buttercupspotify​​, @maybeleftoverjourneys​​​, @idowritingandstuff​​, @akumicchi​​, ​ @sakinotfound​  @denkis111​​, @jazzylove​​, @kristaline2dmensimp​​, @lordmypantsaresocool​​, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle​​​, @rintaroubby​​​, @nanaseishiro​​, @bakaface​​​ ​

[thepigeonsopinion]

So "Simpleman" happened...

I'm not going to say it was "bad" per say, but it's not in my list of favorite episodes that's for sure. AnYwAy! As always, before I start on saying my opinions and thoughts of the episode I'm going to right a (hopefully) brief summary or synopsis of the episode. So let's get to it!

Warning: Spoilers from the episode "Simpleman"

Summary: The episode starts with Marinette in her room with Manon fiddiling with her "knitting box" that has the miracle box in it. Cue Alya and her twin sisters, Ella and Etta entering and start running around with Manon. We learn that Marinette has volunteered to babysit Manon, Ella, Etta, and Chris (Nino's little brother) while Alya and Nino go on a movie date. Sometime later, Nino enters with Chris and drops him off, while he joins Alya to the movies. The children start running around Marinette's room and Marinette is chasing them. They start fiddling with the knitting box, they find the kwamis and start to play with them as if their stuffed animals. Marinette is finally able to calm them down when she introduces the idea of watching a movie and of course the movie that they are watching is the "Ladybug and Chat Noir" movie. Marinette then gets a call from Adrien asking if she could help fix his costume for a photo shoot. Marinette says yes (of course), but then she realizes she doesn't have anyone to watch the kids. After some contemplation, Marinette decides to bring them to her grandpa's house. Marinette leaves her grandpa with the kids, that are watching a movie on her laptop. This is the part where Roland, Marinette's grandpa get's so confuesd with all the new tech and modern ways that the kids are so familiar with. This causes him to wish everything was simple and easy and then he get's akumatized and turns into Simpleman. Meanwhile, Marinette finishes helping Adrien and he asks what he could do to show his thanks. Marinette (of course) stumbles on her words and is not able to give him a straight answer and before she can he has to continue with the photo shoot. Marinette gets an "abstract" idea where in the end she's going to "break"(?) the costume again, she fixes it again, and she gets thanked again, in which she finally gives him a straight answer on what he could do to thank her. Simpleman the uses his power to simplify things and "simplifies" the whole of Paris. With Marinette, she abondoenes the plan, deeming it too complicated and is about to just straight out tell Adrien that she likes him, until she sees a helicopter falling, and then she transforms behind a pole (I think?) and saves the civilains. Adrien sees this and transforms into Chat Noir and joins Ladybug. It is there where they deem that fighting or finding the akuma is to much of a hassle and instead they should just confront ShadowMoth himself. As Simpleman and the kids are walking around Paris they see Ladybug and Chat Noir and Simpleman initiates a fight with them. Ladybug and Chat Noir try to fight Simpleman, but are failing miserably. Meanwhile, the kids are helping ladybug and Chat Noir by telling them what they should do and giving them advice on what to do to defeat them. Simpleman is then defeated and everything is back to normal. We go back to Marintte trying to go along with her plan, but she actually abandons the plan and instead tries to actually confess to Adrien. Marinette isn't able to confess to Adrien and instead leaves. Marinette goes back to her grandpa's house and she is met with the sight of her grandpa and the kids watching a movie, in which Roland volunteers to explain the story to her. And, the episode ends.

Wow! Another very long and unnecessarily detailed summary or synopsis of the episode. :|

Anyway! Let's get into my thoughts and opinions on the episode!

(Also, as always I am re watching the episode as I type this so I might have some unnecessary details. Anyway! Let's get into it!)

First things first, let's talk about all of the kwami's scared faces (mainly Sass' because he the best kwami) the kwamis look so terrified of children. I felt my heart legit break when I saw Sass' face, I was like "DONT BE SCARED SASS EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!". Also, why do the kids in this series have to be such a hassle and not to mention their absolutely annoying (except sandboy, he's a good boy :)) like I feel so bad for Marinette in this situation. The kids don't even really get punished or disciplined if they do something wrong, if I were Manon and I did the things she's done in the show I would've gotten my ass whooped! Anyway continuing on, I feel so bad for Marinette because while Alya can tell her boyfriend her secrets, go out on dates with him, and all that jazz, Marinette can't even keep, or have a boyfriend because of the responsibilities she has as Ladybug and as guradian of the miracle box.

Okay, the sympathy I feel for the kwamis and Marinette in this situation is incalculable. I mean, Marinette has to take care of these mischievous and annoying brats kids and the kwamis have to also deal with the kids in a way because the kids can't control their energy or behave for just a minute (unless their distracted). Like first they steal the knitting box and shake it, then they find some kwamis and start playing with them as if their stuffed animals. And I'm not going to lie, during that part where they were playing with the kwamis, Kalki looked like she was so done with her life. Not to mention, the harassment Fluff had to deal with, with Manon and Chris playing tug of war with her ears. Finally when Marinette gets to relax, while the kids watch a movie she get's a call from Adrien and now she's back to panicking. I would like to call this part the calm before the storm :). So Adrien calls her because they need a seamstress to fix Adrien's costume, but let's be honest here, there are so many other options that they could've chosen in this situation instead of calling Marinette. First of all, why didn't the crew not already have a seamstress there at the photo shoot just in case? And why didn't they call like a professional, very known seamstress? I'm not saying that Marinette is a bad seamstress in any way, no, if I'm being honest she's probably as good as a professional, all I'm saying is that they could've chosen so many other options. Not to mention, if I was in Marinette's situation I would've milked the HECK out of that situation. I would've charged them for my time! But that's just me.

Moving along, so Marinette has a whole planning wall to get at least a date with Adrien, that's not really surprising if I'm being honest, but what really surprised me is that she legit willingly pull that whole board down in front of the kids. I'm surprised she didn't really acknowledge the fact or get embarrassed, but I digress. The fact that Marinette brings the kids to the one family member or person that has legit shown hatred to the modern age is very ironic, if I'm being honest, but that's to be expected from this show. Also, what's with the "save Adrien" part what is Marinette saving him from exactly, I mean the only thing that she's "saving" him from is his wardrobe incident, then again though she is a fashion designer so I guess that would seem like a "saving someone situation", so I guess that makes sense? (it really doesn't :0) Ok, I know that Roland is like very traditional and old fashioned, but he should at least have the common sense to SEE that there is no way to put a VHS tape in that laptop. WAIT A SECOND! Wasn't Roland saved by Ladybug and Chat Noir when he was akumatized as Bakerix I mean the whole movie is based legit just based on them, so shouldn't he know the role they play, unless he has short term memory loss or something. So, a literal movie based on real superheroes, that was mainly attract to CHILDREN is more complicated than a World Cup Football game, nice to know.

So, now we're at the scene where Marinette is helping Adrien. I'm going to be honest was that whole part with Marinette floating around in her mind really necessary because at this point of the show I believe that we're already aware that she feels this way ALL THE TIME when she's around AdRiEn, but I digress. Marinette, honey, I know that you're supposed to be the creative one, but doesn't that plan sound a bit complicated to you? I mean, a fishing rod, really?

Continuing on! So, I'm going to just assume or guess that the time he calls her is like right after he accidentally turns off the computer and all I'm asking is what are these kids on? Because it should at least taken them like 5 minutes to get running again (I think? I don't really know) and why the heck is the grown old man crying because he can't control children? May I also add you kinda, sorta agreed to taking care of these demons kids, so at least have some dignity.

Now! Let's talk about Simpleman. Roland, why the heck are you so picky on your akuma name all of a sudden. You weren't like this when you were Bakerix. Also, I love the fact that Shadowmoth was like so done with him at that point, like his face already says it all. Shadowmoth really said that Ladybug and Chat Noir complicate his life for no reason, dude you were the one that started it with Stone Heart. Now, let's talk about Simpleman's design! Why the heck is he legit a purple skinned, french flagged inspired, old man, that kinda looks like a pedophile. Not to mention, why does he still have the flexibility of an old man. I mean, compared to Bakerix this design is kinda iffy to me.

Ok, first of all why did Shadowmoth say "wait" when Simpleman used his power. Wasn't that his plan though for him to use his powers? Second of all, since he was "simplified" wouldn't he just think that it would be a lot easier if he got the miraculous himself? Also, I know that everyone is now supposed to be simple minded, but did that man really press the red button to stop the WHOLE helicopter.

Adrien, I think you can stop smiling now, the crew legit said that they will stop there, you can go take a break and transform into Chat Noir now. Also, if you have to keep smiling for the camera and not move an inch, why the heck did you let plagg fly out? WHAT IS WITH THIS LOGIC? Wait, since Ladybug and Chat Noir are now "Simplified" they can't fight anymore? Ok, carry on then while I watch the rest of this awful and unnecessary fight scene.

So the kids are helping Ladybug and Chat Noir continue this fight? I really can't tell whether or not the kids are doing this to help or they're doing this for entertainment purposes, in all honesty. (Also, I can't tell whether or not this is a metaphor to Gen Z or not, but whatever!) Did Ladybug just say this old man, purple looking ass, pedophile is scary and mean? I swear to everything that is good....

When Ladybug said "Now I just need to say...."

Me: What the heck!? Is this a kids show?!

Also me: Wait a second... :|

Mr. Astruc, I'm going to be honest here was it really necessary to have a scene where Marinette tries to do a simplier plan but fails miserably really necessary? I mean, we've already seen it hundreds of times by now. Another thing, was it really necessary for Adrien to be an angel for this shoot? Like, we get it he's innocent and pure (not really tbh)

And with that we're finally done with the episode! So, all in all the episode wasn't that bad? But it's not my favorite. Mainly because the logic of this episode was all over the place. Not to mention, the many, many scenes of Marinette fussing over Adrien. Just watching those scenes was kinda draining if I'm being honest.

Anyway! Those are my thoughts on the episode. It's like 3:00 in the morning and I am exhausted!

SO! I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. And always remember...

But that's just my opinion (・ε・)

(This has been (another) tiring week and I know for a fact, it's only going to get worse. *smiles through the pain :)*)

[gogiberries]

Hi so I’ve had this in my head for a few days now

It’s basically how i see the Nanami x Gojo relationship (but it’s more sad than anything else tbh)

⚠️ spoilers ahead for those who haven’t read the manga!

Please enjoy this disgustingly long thread <3

- okay so the way they started was out of convenience/ desperation

- Geto left the school and abandoned Gojo

- Nanami lost Haibara

- So the two ended up just trying to find some sense of comfort and understanding in each other

- Gojo was the one to start it though

- I see Nanami as the type to just suffer silently with his pain and loss, so Gojo had to have made the first move

- They were still students and now they had to pair up for training more often

- Gojo did consider Shoko before Nanami, but he knew that she wouldn’t give him any chance because she saw the start and finish of him and Geto

- Gojo also didn’t want to go to some stranger because he couldn’t lay it all out to someone who didn’t understand sorcery and explain the heavy chip Geto left on his shoulder

- So Nanami, the guy who also just lost someone & who is up to date with the Geto stuff is a perfect candidate for Gojo

- Gojo starts teasu Nanami about how he needs to get stronger during sparring

(this just pushes the “have get stronger for Haibara/ not end up like him” notion in Nanami’s head)

- And one day Gojo just switches to heavy flirting

- Nanami is like ‘???’ but he chalks it up to Gojo just being his weird self

- But the flirting continues

- And Gojo being Gojo, he just keeps getting more direct until one day he just flat out asks if Kento has thought about fucking him

- Despite the constant flirting and suggestive stuff Gojo has been doing, Nanami is completely thrown off

- “What the fuck are you saying” is probably what he’d say, a slight blush forming on his face

- “Cmon dont lie, you’re saying it hasn’t crossed your mind once or twice when we spar?” Gojo would tease

- And Nanami would immediately deny it

- And Gojo would push it even further and say

“oh? That’s too bad, cause I sure have thought about fucking you“

- Now Nanami is blushing hard, face feeling too hot

- “Quit saying nonsense and stop lying” Nanami is too strong willed to give into/ believe in Gojo’s offer

- “I’m not~ do you want me to prove I’m not?” Gojo is also too strong headed and now refuses to back down from this thing he started

- Nanami says no, but they can both hear the hesitation in his voice

- Gojo takes this sliver of a chance to kiss the blonde

- Nanami goes to pull him off, but he doesn’t.

- Why? He’s not sure either, maybe it’s because he’s still a bit inexperienced with all of this, or maybe because he’s willing to accept this- whatever this is that Gojo is offering to help distract him from the pain he’s still trying to cope with from losing Haibara

- So he only backs up slightly to tell Gojo they should go somewhere more private

After that, their relationship, if you want to call it that for lack of a better term, begins

- Gojo definitely is the one who takes the most in this relationship

- At first, when he was trying to keep Nanami from regretting his actions and running away, Gojo was gentle and kind. Making sure Nanami felt understood and comfortable with their actions

- But once Gojo saw Nanami was staying, his caring attitude slowly faded

- He would stay to cuddle afterwards, but only until Nanami was asleep, leaving him to wake up by himself in the morning

[ maybe once in a while Gojo would leave a “Sorry I got called in for some mission” half assed excuse ]

- Not by force, but Gojo would make sure he’d get his needs met before Nanami did (definitely half assed in trying to meet Kento’s needs)

- Nanami isn’t stupid, he noticed the change in Gojo’s behavior early on, but being the masochist that he is, he put up with it because it still felt better than remembering Haibara and dealing with that

- Kento definitely noticed when Gojo was at his worst though. When Gojo was okay, he’d put up his usual goofy & cool dude front, and be selfish in bed, leaving the second they were done as if he was too “cool” and “strong” to show sad emotions.

- But when Gojo was really down and haunted with memories of Geto, he would stay the whole night.

- Gojo would be more gentle and slow with his actions, he wasn’t going out of his way to fully please Kento, but it was more like a sympathetic “c’mere let me do it for you” offer

- on those nights, after they were done, Gojo would lay there and hold-genuinely hold- Nanami.

- Nanami could see the accumulated exhaustion and pain in Gojo’s eyes on those days, and like Gojo, he wouldn’t go out of his way to help him. He might offer to be the bigger spoon or not question it when he stayed till morning, but Kento never would ask Gojo if he wanted to talk about it.

- Nanami would also allow himself to be selfish and enjoy the softer and more affectionate actions Gojo would do during these days

The sense of comfort and understanding they felt with one another was odd and definitely unhealthy, but it was better than being left alone with their own thoughts.

And it continued until Gojo was finally graduating and Nanami decided to share the news that he was going to start interning at some office

Gojo was taken back a bit by the announcement. Kento seemed like he would’ve just done the expected thing of graduating and going straight into sorcery work.

- “You really don’t like this sorcery stuff huh?” He’d probably ask him

- “It's all a bunch of shit” definitely a Nanami response

- Gojo was pretty indifferent in Kento’s post graduation plans, so he only gave him and understanding nod

During Nanami’s final year at the tech school, the two drifted apart without much trouble

- Maybe once in a while, when they were both overworked and stressed by their new schedules, they’d come back for one night to each another.

- It wasn’t much different than what they already had though

- Gojo would still only care about getting his first, and Nanami would use the time to space off and just distract himself from his reality

After Nanami graduated and started his salaryman career, their meetups stopped for a good while.

- Besides the fact that the two were now working even crazier schedules, Nanami was the one who wanted to full on quit.

- He was done with jujutsu tech & sorcery, and as he’s done with everything else in his life, he ran away from it

- He’d ignore Gojo’s out of the blue texts, or just give short and dry responses

- Gojo wasn’t really hurt about it, there weren’t any deep emotions formed below the surface of what he and Kento had.

- Though Gojo was very close to calling Nanami the day he dealt with Geto

But just how they were a few years ago as students, the two adults ended up back where they started, in an emotional void induced by stress and the years long accumulation of unattended issues that neither one of them knew how to handle.

- Nanami tried to quit, he really did. But going to company speed dating parties and or blind dates set up by coworkers was too much trouble for him. He was working way over 40hrs a week and had no time to develop a healthy relationship with someone.

- After some big deal falling through with his job, Nanami did what most adults who have little to no healthy coping skills would do. Get drunk and call his fuck buddy

- Gojo thought it was a mistake when Nanami sent him a text with only an address

- Gojo, also having almost no healthy coping skills, immediately called Nanami back to see what the text was about

- And oh.

- Nanami did send it on purpose

- Well. Who was Gojo to say no to a free night of being distracted with no strings attached?

Aaaaaand they were back, dancing the same dance they have been for years.

- Somewhere within those meetups, Gojo finally shared what happened to Geto.

- Nanami didn’t say much, he only said enough to convince Gojo that tonight wasn’t going to go as they usually do.

- Instead Nanami allowed Gojo to drink and let out any and all emotions he had about the incident.

- Gojo was embarrassed the next day thinking about what all he probably said. But he was grateful Nanami chose to be the responsible one and be next to him as he aired out his feelings

- Nanami never brought up that night’s conversation details to Gojo. He just let that night be what it was and moved on (the best thing for the both of them, more so for Gojo tbh)

Now present time, they still do their usual meetups, but maybe it’s the years of life slowly sanding them down because now, it feels more like a weird check up with one another than just a quick hookup

- It started with them just getting drinks for the night, nothing happened, they both just got drunk and passed out in Gojo’s Living room

- Then it slowly progressed from getting a quick bite to eat, to having planned dinners together

- Sometimes it leads to something, sometimes it doesn’t.

- Is it healthier than what they were doing at the beginning? Not really.

- They still don’t share their feelings that openly nor do they go out of their ways to comfort each other.

- But I guess just the mutual understanding from someone who has also lived through some fucked up stuff quietly sharing a drink or meal with you is somewhat comforting and helps you stay grounded.

End.

[sp-ud]

Waking Up

AO3 Link

Inspired by this post: Link

And my own post about this concept: Link

Content Warnings: Panic Attacks, Memory Loss

Words: 1817

Ranboo suddenly finds himself back in reality with his hands in the middle of braiding his own hair. Not the worst thing he’s woken up to after Enderwalking. He lets out a sigh as he continues braiding his hair, eyes drifting towards the ceiling as he reflects on what he can remember doing while Enderwalking.

Wuh oh.

---

This is basically me sharing my theories about Enderwalking in fic format. That's kinda it. I took my theories, and wrote em as a fic.

I also posted this at 3am which is why it took me till 2pm to make a proper Tumblr post about it.

Ranboo suddenly finds himself back in reality with his hands in the middle of braiding his own hair. Not the worst thing he’s woken up to after Enderwalking. He lets out a sigh as he continues braiding his hair, eyes drifting towards the ceiling as he reflects on what he can remember doing while Enderwalking.

Wuh oh.

Quickly tying off the braid he grabs the memory book. Reading through page 13 again. “New table”? Axe feeling lighter? Eye inside a block? Eye that looks his? Now, Ranboo might not know a lot about his Enderman heritage, but he knows a portal when he's described one.

Lightly smacking his face, Ranboo tries to shift through the foggy memories he always has after Enderwalking. Memories where he feels like a passenger, not the one experiencing it. He… he was mining. Just chatting with those particles of his, when he came across an exposed stronghold. He went to investigate… finding the portal but not recognizing it in his Enderwalk state.

Ranboo starts to head downstairs as he digs through his memories more, he’d… he’d realized the portal would probably help with the experiments he did while Enderwalking but had left to build a lab another day.

… Has he already built the lab? Yes, he has. Replacing the stone walls with iron and setting up what he’d discovered as ‘the solution’ to Enderwalking. Without having to remember, Ranboo can already tell he hadn’t gone through with it while Enderwalking. Otherwise, he would have woken up in the lab. Or in his bed from respawning, after all, his Enderwalking self didn’t seem to realize some of the multiple flaws in his solution.

But Ranboo is too scared to correct his Enderwalking self. It’s already taken him ages to convince his Enderwalking self that he isn’t some evil dissociative state that committed war crimes he can’t remember. He doesn’t want to imagine how it’d go over trying to inform his Enderwalking state he has it backward.

Sliding down into his basement he quickly mines through the wall to get the experiment log he's written in Ender. Flipping all the way to the last page where he’s written the solution. He pulls out a pen from his pocket and holds it hesitantly over the page.

He knows how he is when Enderwalking. A paranoid anxious mess with less than half of his memory. If he sees this when Enderwalking, he’d freak out, he’d get suspicious, and then probably do it anyways.

Reluctantly, he hides the experiment log back away, sealing it back behind stone bricks. He has to tell someone he both trusts out of Enderwalk, and in Enderwalk.

Which is admittedly a short list of people. Phil would be good, but the old man would likely ask too many questions he doesn't know how to answer. Techno, while also a good option, is also currently hibernating. And would likely pass the message onto Phil.

Niki would be an option if the two crossed paths more often, and Tommy has so many issues of his own right now, he doesn't need Ranboo's. The particles, while well meaning, are honestly more of a nuisance who would likely just increase any suspicion.

Which only really leaves one other person, Tubbo. Who, while Ranboo loves his husband, still isn't the perfect option for this, is the best he honestly has.

Someone he trusts, who will listen, who will understand, and who'll actually be able to help. The only issue is Tubbo himself might want to experiment, Ranboo personally still is a little salty over the whole electric chair thing. But hopefully the moobloom-hybrid wilk put aside his scientific interests for the sake of Ranboo's wellbeing.

Not wanting to waste any more precious time he has before falling back into Enderwalk, Ranboo leaves his house as fast as he can after quickly snapping on his armor.

The journey to Snowchester is quick, one he likes to thinks he'd still know even if he had no memories. By the time the water tunnel has shot him back out, it feels like barely a minute has passed since he woke up.

Letting his enchanted armor drip off the water, Ranboo quickly starts towards the mansion where, if his memory serves him right, should be where Tubbo is currently.

"TUBBO!" He shouts as soon as he enters the mansion, yelling being the most efficient way to locate someone in the massive building. His long ears strain themselves to listen for a shout back.

"I'M IN THE UPSTAIRS GUEST ROOMS!" The ender-hybrid hears distantly, darting up the stairs as fast as he can. "THE ONES NEAR OUR ROOM!" Tubbo shouts once more, Ranboo quickly taking a left.

He almost bumps into Tubbo as the moobloom-hybird steps out into the hallway. Luckily scrambling to a stop just before bowling the smaller teen over. He rests a hand against the wall, somewhat hunching over as he tries to catch his breath.

"You good bossman? Something wrong?" Tubbo asks, taking a small step towards Ranboo. The taller huffs a few more breaths before holding his other hand up to tell Tubbo to wait a second.

"It's…" he starts, before taking a deep breath and straightening up, "It's… oh God, I was so focused on getting here quickly that um, didn't really think through how to explain this all…" his tail flicks restlessly behind him.

Tubbo hums to himself for a second, "This is a sit-down kind of thing, isn't it?" Ranboo gives a small nod, "Good thing I just set up yet another 'sitting area earlier today, come on," the brunette grabs Ranboo's hand and gently drags him further down the hallway before opening a door with dramatic flourish.

It's another room consisting of multiple sofas and chairs around a coffee table. The amount of rooms they have that look like this is honestly concerning, but at least Tubbo has enough eye for design that they all are clearly different. Much less confusing than the identical empty rooms Foolish left them with.

Ranboo all but collapses onto one of the couches, Tubbo taking a seat across from him. The brunette's mouth is twisting in worry, nose scrunching up as watches Ranboo through messy bangs.

"Okay," a sigh escapes the ender-hybrid, "I, I guess the best place to start would be… explaining my… condition?" He still isn't sure what the right term for Enderwalking is as there's next to no public documents on the topic. "So, you know how I have bad memory?"

A slight snort before a nod tell Ranboo to continue, "Well that's, that's just one symptom of my, condition. The Enderwalk. It's genetic, I'm pretty sure. There's uh, not much known about it," Ranboo starts messing with the furred tip of his tail, "But it's basically a, a state I go into? I guess? And it…" he trails off.

How does he explain to his best friend, his husband, that the 'him' he always interacts with isn't 100% 'him'. His mouth hangs open before snapping shut, shaking his head a little. Tubbo won't hate him for something out of his control, Tubbo is reasonable, he's smart, he's a good person.

Another glance at Tubbo shows that the moobloom-hybrid now has a serious look on his face, leaning forward, waiting for Ranboo to continue.

"It doesn't just affect my memory. It, it can affect my judgment, my reasoning. And it worsens with age," Ranboo focuses his gaze back down to his tail flicking in his own grasp, "and, don't get me wrong, I'm still me when Enderwalking I'm just…" he loses his words again. Letting a silence fall over the room.

"Okay," Ranboo looks up. Tubbo has a hand to his chin in thought. "okay, I get what you're saying. Plenty of species have illnesses like that," the ender-hybrid nods, "and I'm glad you told me but, why now?" A hint of light blue eyes peer through messy bangs, "did something happen?"

"More like… something's been happening but it's, it's close to becoming worse." He shifts on the couch, once again struggling to find the right words, "I'm Enderwalking all the time… I'd say that you uh, you probably see me Enderwalking more than you see me normally," he pauses to swallow. "When Enderwalking I, I dont realize I'm Enderwalking," a humorless laugh escapes him. "I don't even have half of my memories then. I managed to forget what Enderwalking even is! And somehow," his voice is starting to go static with anger, "I managed to come up with the name again, while Enderwalking, to explain my normal state!"

He hunches over, burying his head between his knees as he lets out static-filled laughs. His ears no longer hearing anything other than a growing buzz. Hands gripping and twisting his hair as his laughs start to devolve into something more like sobs.

A light weight settles over his shoulders and back, hands slowly unclenching his hair to drift down to wrap the blanket around himself. He feels a head rest itself on his shoulders, following the deep breaths he can feel carefully. His tail loosely wraps around a waist before small hooved finger tips start bruising through it.

"Sorry," he mutters. Tubbo hums, leaning his head more onto Ranboo's shoulder.

"Nothing to be sorry about, it sounds like… a lot," Tubbo says back, "You sure you want to talk about this now big man?"

The ender-hybrid nods, tilting his head to somewhat rest on top of Tubbo's, the smaller's dull horns pressing into his face. "I don't know when I'll start Enderwalking again, I have to tell you now before I forget again."

"As long as you're sure," Tubbo replies with a shrug, but Ranboo can still hear the concern under the layer of dismissiveness.

"When Enderwalking I've, starting to experiment on myself. It's progressively gotten more… intense, to put it simply. My Enderwalking self thinks he's found a solution, to stop from 'Enderwalking' but," Ranboo pulls back, doing his best to make direct eye contact with Tubbo, "the 'solution'? It's, I know what it's going to do! It will just make the Enderwalk worse. I'll probably be down to only a quarter of my memories! I might even, even lose a life."

Ranboo's eyes loss focus as his panic starts to build before he feels Tubbo's dull horns pressing into his chest and arms wrapping him in a loose hug.

"That's what you wanted to tell me, right?" Tubbo sighs, "you want me to make sure that you don't go through with it while Enderwalking?" Ranboo lets out what's supposed to be a hum that ends up sounding more like a buzz in response.

"Don't worry bossman, you can count on me," Tubbo tightens his hug and Ranboo can slowly feel the fog that comes with Enderwalking creep in.

"I know, I always know," he responds, before letting himself drift into the fog.

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

Yeah.. I feel like I'm hard to understand when I talk to people in person, and it makes me self conscious even if they do understand me, so I kinda get it.

Oh that makes sense! I see why being blurry is hard..

I'll check out those videos you guys told me about so I can be more educated on the subject and maybe have some questions answered. I went and subscribed to The Rings System so I wouldn't lose it. I think y'all might have said it.. but everyone is different so it makes sense that different systems run differently..

It might be easier to read because I have a short attention span, but it's okay! You guys don't have to.

So you guys can communicate through journal entries? That's smart! It's easier to remember things when you write them down. And that's true! Getting them fused together is what matters right now. If them being split is stressful, then it's best to try to fuse them.

I'm glad the appointment went well! And I get that.. every day is hard to get through. But I hope everything is alright! That sounds frustrating though.. knowing something is happening but not what exactly. I hope for the best too! Your guy's art is really good! I wish I could draw as well as you guys! 🥺

That's true! Distractions are always nice to have. They make everything a little easier to deal with. But me too.. it sucks pretending you're okay when you're not. It's really hard.

Sorry you guys had a bad day today :( it may not be much, but this is for you:

ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ /🌷

It's nice talking with you guys too!

-🌺

hello again 🌺 anon. nice to see you again.

we get that too, so its understandable. you're very kind though, thank you

yes being blurry is hard but you kinda get use to it? kinda lol.

yes, check them out. you can always ask us system questions and well do our best to answer them too. every system is different but we have similarities like most systems (but not all) have a inner world or headspace. or pm all systems have protector alters.

its okay well try to make it easier for you. just let us know, ☆ well do our best to explain and be more understanding.

yes we all do our best to journal, written down or typing it out (mostly typing journaling) and yes thats why were trying to fuse the Shane(s). our therapist thinks Shio might be trying to intergate with the struggles she's trying to get pass? but we don't know.. but yeah its pretty scary not knowing all this stuff but the gatekeepers are doing our best to protect us, and introduce the alters to is slowly.

thank you! every day is hard, but were making it.. somehow. we're proud of you for trying. you're doing you're best, we can see. and thank you for the tulip (we think thats what type of flower that is lol) and thank you! were trying. we hope you have a good day, or have a good day tommrow. its late where we are so we just hope for a better tommrow. nice talking with you again

we sure are having long convos.. we have to check the other asks to remember what we said lol. we have long and short term memory loss so dont mind us for asking/saying stuff again sorry lol - adult Shane

[grayfilmsandstuff]

Hi so uhh,,,, about that matchup thing!! Romantic bc asexual hours. I have general anxiety disorder and adhd. I have dark hair and 5'7". i have trouble controlling my volume & tone so i'm very loud and sometimes sound like im angry when I dont mean to be. I'm akward at first when meeting people but I get into the groove of it quickly. I draw and write, I currently have a story thats over multiple universes. im gender fluid and enjoy most media esp with sentient ai [1/2 jic i'll mark this as Imp]

yes hi hello!! heck yea heres ur matchup! sorry it took so incredibly long! also i don't write sexual stuff anyways so hehrgehrhr

i match you wiiiiiiith...

Hank!

- you and them met when they were on a mission. they ducked behind a table and you were there already, so they offered to protect you. you accepted and after a small skirmish when you showed up at the truck after the mission, you were accepted as part of the team

- he understands a lot of the things going on in your head because he's got a lot going on in his as well. even if you don't feel like talking about it, he'll help you however he can

- he's the exact opposite when it comes to volume, so you tend to do a lot of speaking for him but he will politely ask you to tone it down if you're being too loud. that's one of the many reasons why he appreciates you so much

- they also find your short term memory loss endearing sometimes. you'll be sitting on the couch in their arms on your phone, then you'll put it down next to you to look up and kiss their chin and then seconds later you'll ask where you put your phone

- you're really just super cute to him overall. he would kill anyone and everyone if it meant keeping you safe

- they love your drawings, your stories, and your art in general. they think you're wonderful and you always amaze them with the way you make things out of nothing

- every single thing you've made for them, they've kept in a very special place

- he wears his goggles quite often but they aren't with a prescription, so the first time he put on your glasses he was shocked

- "uhh.."

- "hm?"

- "hey hun, i love you, but i gotta ask. how in the world are you able to see with these?"

- "oH PFFT-"

- whenever you ask him to clean your glasses he'll use the cloth on his gloves and then bend down to put them back on your face, brushing your hair to the side and kissing you on the forehead

okay hope you liked this!!