#why don't you try writing something true and beautiful. y'know

[vulpinesaint]

the surge of 'i like purple prose actually!' that i've seen in the past few years is so. disheartening, maybe. i feel the instinct to say 'no you don't! you just don't know what purple prose is! not everything that's pretty is purple prose!' but i know the truth of it is that people really just do like pretty words with nothing behind them. and that's what they think that they want. the curtains are just blue and the prose is purple. there's no deeper meaning and people like it that way. media built to be consumed but not chewed... songs made to get popular on tiktok that are 2 minutes long with a repetitive chorus... it's empty calories. 'i like purple prose!' i'm begging you to read some poetry or even just a better book. i promise it won't kill you to read and think about something that means something

[wheeniemyloove]

good riddance (gracies abrams x fem!reader)

summary!: you and gracie broke up. gracie knows that she was the one who screw everything up and write songs about u. what would happen if she call you? and what would happen if u pick up the phone?

warnings!: swearing, fluff and kinda angst

notes!: i love gracie sm, she's truly one of my comfort persons, and good riddance been helping me sm with my problems, sooo why not?

After you and Gracie broke up, she didn't know how to apologize for screwing things open. So she wrote an album. Good Riddance. For the first time in months, she reached out on the day her album released. She was surprised when you picked up. "... I didn't think you'd pick up. Did- did you like the album? Or did you didn't listen to it?"

After she asked if you liked the album, you started to panic a little. After all, there was so much emotion and honesty in there and you didn't want to be insensitive. You cleared your throat and said, "Yeah, I liked your album and I especially liked the, uhm, the songs about me."

Gracie sounded incredibly happy. Like you just made her year. She cleared her throat herself, trying to hide how much she was smiling. "Uhm, y-you... You d-don't hate me?"  A look of delight and disbelief crossed your face as you shook my head in amazement. You then opened your mouth to speak, but stopped yourself and looked away as a slight blush formed on ur cheeks. "Of course I don't hate you, Gracie,"  you replied.

"R-Really? Like... You're not mad I screwed things up? You- you're not mad I made a song about you?" Gracie felt stupid. She couldn't believe you could forgive her. For a moment, you were her world. The sun. The moon. The stars.

"uh, well, i'm not mad at you. i could never be mad at you. but i was hurt.i-i mean, im still kind of hurt, but-," you say interrupting yourself "But the song is beautiful. And if it really was about me and not just a song you wrote about someone else, then it's even better. I'm impressed you can write something like that. You're really talented, Gracie."

Gracie was stunned. You found the song beautiful? She couldn't believe you were so chill. Like, you were way more chill than when you were with her. And... a tiny bit of her felt jealous. But that's dumb. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel. "Y-Yeah, well, I don't think you'll like the other songs. You're literally the subject of most of them. Especially the first track. The one called 'Best' " Gracie chuckled uncomfortably.

"I don't mind being written about. If I can inspire a song, that's something to be proud of, right?...Wait, what's the title of the first track?" you ask curious. "Well, that's good, because one of the tracks in here is literally called 'i know it won't work' and it's about you. And... and another is just, ugh. 'the blue' " She cringed at the titles, but then giggled. "And, uhm, yeah. The first track is called 'Best' It's about, like, me making our relationship a bad memory and fucking everything up. Because, uhm..." She cleared her throat. "I was bad."

"Don't think negative about it, Gracie. We were young, we did everything by gut feeling. And sometimes these feelings were wrong" you say laughing a little. "...I guess that's kind of true..." Gracie didn't want to make excuses. But you were right. She was a teenager. She just made a teenage mistake. "H-Hey, uhm, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"You remember how you said you didn't hate me?" Gracie's voice wavered with hope."Could we... uhm... y'know... go back to friends or- or something?"At this point, Gracie was desperate. The thought of making her relationship with you worse again almost made her cry. And she couldn't be alone. not again. 

"You know, Gracie," you reply, trying to sound reassuring. "I never stopped caring about you. Of course I want to work on our friendship again. Things have just been... a little bit tense lately." "Yes, t-tense... but..." Gracie's eyes darkened. She couldn't keep the words in. She had to tell you this now and here. "I-I... I missed you. Like a lot..."

Tears were streaming down her face, despite her best efforts to wipe them away. Her lips tightened. She did regret losing you. Gracie regretted losing your trust. She regretted becoming the type of ex-girlfriend you wanted to cut out of your life.

"Gracie," you say, struggling to find the right words. "I... I missed you too. I've missed you every day since our breakup." You swallow the knot in your throat, your heart beating faster. "And I regret... I regret a lot of things too. I wish things had been different." Gracie tried to hold back tears. But they continued gushing over her cheeks. Gracie was trying to remain rational. To keep this from being more awkward than it already was. But she'd already embarrassed herself so much at this point, so she figured what harm was the truth.

"I-I wish y-you could still hold me." Gracie buried her face in her shirt. Your shirt. Why was this so difficult? Why did she have to say these things? You probably thought she was crazy by now. You can't stop a few stray tears from falling as she says that. You'd give anything to hold her again, to kiss her forehead, to tell her how much you love her. "Oh Gracie... how I wish I could do that." Your voice breaks; the words sticking in your throat.

Gracie's arms wrapped around her chest, as if protecting herself from her own painful feelings. She couldn't believe she actually told you that. Gracie buried her face into the shirt once more."Y-your voice," she whispered. Her words barely reached your ears. "it's so soft..." She sniffed, her voice shaky. She felt so, so small. Gracie felt more like the girl you knew, rather than the woman who'd broken up with you."Gracie..." you said softly. When the words escaped your lips, you almost couldn't recognize your own voice. "i still love you." 

The words caught you off-guard. You had never intended to say them, never wanted to share what you felt in your heart. But you felt compelled to say it, like a hidden truth finally coming to light. Gracie's eyes flew open. All her previous shame, gone. Her words were rushed, almost desperate, as she blurted out:"I... I love you, too." The girl who had never wanted to see you again; the girl who had broken both of your hearts, finally just wanted to say how she felt. Her feelings had never left your grasp. She wanted to kiss you right now... in that moment. Even after everything. Gracie just wanted you. Just wanted to feel you.

[clever-and-unique-name]

Didn't sleep last night, and I have no idea why. It happens often enough that it doesn't bother me so much anymore, as long as we don't have much planned the following day. Body clocks are weird and we've always been pretty nocturnal, long as nobody inside was obviously distressed, I wasn't gonna sweat it.

Raz tried to make herself present in the morning. She put on comfy leggings and a strappy tank top, had some coffee out on the deck. Raz things. Tried her damnedest to organize her thoughts for therapy in a few hours--read through the last month of journaling, looked back through our blogs for clues, reached out to anyone inside who might be listening.

And, in true Raz fashion, abruptly got tired and suddenly we were changing clothes in our room again, pulling on my jeans and slightly less-strappy tank top.

Therapy came and went. We hadn't seen our therapist more than one time in-person before covid lockdown hit, and have been doing phone sessions since. I'm face blind on a good day, but I wouldn't be able to pick her out of a lineup, gun to my head.

Still, she knows us, and she's learning about Us in the differentiating-between-parts sense. Me personally, I'm not a fan of therapists in general, but ours is a good egg. Raz was doing most of the talking during the session, but I hung around to add wonderful insights such as "Fuck, this is gonna make me sound crazy to talk about…" that really just add a certain je ne sais quoi to the therapy environment.

After therapy, it was off to the beach. Gotta keep moving, got shit to do, got bars to fill like in the Sims: eat a food, consume a caffeine, photosynthesize, touch a Big Water (the ocean, in this case.) Sweat my ass off in the last of the summer sun. Listen to the feral child in my brain begging to kick off our shoes and walk in the tide. Mutter about seaweed clinging to my calves and sand between my toes, but it makes her happy, so whatever.

Come home, hang out with our roommate slash best friend on the deck. Try to practice our new hobby, embroidery, because what's more fitting than to pick up a hobby all about untangling masses of knotted threads and trying to make something beautiful out of it.

Or something. I fucked it up and admitted defeat after two failed bullion knots.

We slip back inside and hang out in bestie's room for a bit while my sleep debt repeatedly elbows me in the face, reminding me I can't stay awake forever. The kiddos inside my brain, usually present later at night, hover closer as it gets harder to keep my eyes open.

Nope, fuck, not time for that yet, gotta get up, gotta make breakf….lunch? Food. Meal. Shuffle out to the kitchen while Abel stands off to the side, rattling off The Plan for making food. Do this, do that, then start this, then go back to that, and while you're doing this make sure you--

I nod along with the occasional grumble when she seems a bit Too nitpicky for someone who's intentionally not taking charge of moving our body around. I'm tired goddammit, I don't care that I was supposed to put the bacon on a different way.

Inside, Raz pats my arm sympathetically. Of course she knows all about being tired.

Wake our sleeping husband, feed everyone, clean up the kitchen. Feed the ferret and rat. Let the ferret out to run around like the little boneless dork he is.

Sit. Stare into space for a minute. Start writing this post.

I don't do well without a Thing to do. All I know are my little tasks. It's time for someone else to take over, I think. Maybe I've done enough for the day, y'know? What a concept.

- Tris

[khaosophist]

I blink.

Where am I right now? Maybe when I am would answer the question of who I am.

Cyber psycho tomorrow, Chaos Abomination yesterday, Or, whatever it is I am today. Which is me. Which isn't saying much. Without a mirror I'm all about being what I feel I am.

I still regret losing my first journal. I realize I remember more of what I drew in there than what I wrote in there. I associate more of who I am with what I wrote when I can. I've not given thought a lot about what I draw when no one is looking. I remember drawing a creature that vivisected it's own heart. A girl sitting on a throne with her hair hiding her face. How can I differentiate between what I drew out of desire or fear if the emotion is forgotten? Do I just rewrite?

Right, Uuuuh, I'm Agender. Should write that down. I have rationalizations for it. But in the end it's just what I'm comfortable with. I don't want to be anything. I just want to be. Standing on the shoulders of giants or some such. I'd rather be a spectrum than a particle. If reincarnation exists, getting a new body won't be as traumatic. Oh? I'm a horror beyond comprehension for this species? Meh. What is bodyhood anyways?

That made me think of a post about androgyny being expected. It's clearly a presumption that was present in me, weakly. Where if someone is non-binary, or whatever, I truly don't know, then they have to have some androgyny. Else it's like a Schrödinger's Gender, where the observer demands one collapses to an identity.

Anyways, now i'm thinking about the emotions that I would gender, right? But in the end, that emotion is pure experience, gender has no play in it as an emotion. Nurture kind of shit. However I was raised in a gendered language. So much of my vocabulary about Identity free of whatever it was that people expected of me because of my body came from English. I remember during my first philosophy course I argued that true men wouldn't mind doing girly things since, y'know, they are manly, no matter what, and if doing girly things removes from one's masculinity, then what stops you from doing that? Fear? Unmanly. Disinterest? Unmanly. just be, dude.

I'm neither a man, nor a woman, i'm a being in a man's body. What I do with it says more about me than what it is. Whether I'm a cyborg, Abomination, or human. It applies. What I do with what I am says more about me than what I am.

Speaking of which, now I'm remembering when I used to draw over a comic book I owned. I was really young. But I was basically drawing what I had seen from my brother's hentai collection. Nothing fancy. Point is, I have no idea why I drew it. Maybe I thought it was funny? Whenever I think about drawing nudity I want it to mean something, because so much of bodies around me are sexualised to hell and back that it took me years to discover affection, rather than um, doing something while expecting something from it. Love is way less transactional now and I find myself wanting to love because I feel love, and not because that,if I love, then something good should happen. It's crazy how my anger was settled in a way that it just expresses itself whenever it's felt. But for love, it's like I have to rip it from myself, especially when I feel like shit and need it the most. I think part of it comes from being taught that anything I do is FOR something. Breathe to live. Cooperate to surpass, X to Y. My step brother is like that, where he sees no true altruism because of that aspect of being nice FOR something, rather than just...being nice because one is nice.

Emptiness of intention.

Moving on. So, I'm trying to see what it was that I thought when I made my first artwork with nudity in it. I feel Shame for it, even if I believe it was a great piece. It's under tons of paint now. Like an archeological painting behind the grime of nonsensical paints. It was just to keep a piece of my wife's beauty at that time, but also Because she always felt ugly because of her curvy body, I wanted to show her that she was beautiful, because most subjects of nude are in some way considered beautiful.

Whenever I would try to draw something pornographic, it would feel weird. "Can't I just use my imagination? Why am I drawing this?" I've never drawn anything pornographic. In a sense, I found it beneath me, but still respected those who would do it. I'm not very good at drawing. So it was a kind of "Well of course I don't, because I can't.". Now I haven't looked at porn for a month.

Oh! I have written smut though. It was a kind of catalyst for what I would feel sometimes. It felt healthier than just going to look at porn. I actually had to put thought to it, yeah? Oh god, the suggested image after that sentence was this:

Too tongue In cheek. Consensual tentacle smut, with no mind control or date rape drugs or whatever. Like...is romance too much to ask for? IMAGINATION. So much fucking hentai about sexual assault. Like WHY? Wouldn't it be more to one's benefit that they woo the dark elven queen instead? Being there for her, growing. Be a partner, y'know? But no, gotta be an ugly bastard and just...Ugh. I went through each character I remember of those hentai videos or comics, and made up my own stories. Massacred every fucking fuck I could and dedicated my life to have those videos not happen.

If one has power over their imagination why non-consensual pain? Maybe I'm just torturing myself. Maybe it is a categorical mistake in that it has no bearing because they are fictional characters. But what if we are of the same stuff to the eyes of divinity? Then, well, maybe it would be nice that gods don't go around changing reality itself to get me raped because 'Oh, he's a mortal, mortals aren't really real...just our creatures'. Creatures in the sense of something created. Fictional characters are our creatures. How does one treat their creatures? If torturing animals is indicative of pathos...then what is the torture of our own creations? Why not the salvation of our creatures? Freedom? The worst is how some tragedies are beautiful. But there's a difference between tragedy, horror, and indulgence. Would I want my life to be created for the sake of others that are beyond anything I could think of, unless my writer lets that knowledge in me?

But, that assumes that one does not abstract from the existence of something's being so. I believe that if it is or not is irrelevant, but what is believed of it whether it exists or not, is closer to truth.

I Have to write this too. it's something shameful for me. I suppose I had/have a fetish or something for large breasts, stereotypical as all hell. So I was attracted sexually to large breasts right? But the kind of love my wife deserves isn't that kind of bullshit right? What if she had a mastectomy, or needed breast reduction surgery, y'know? For me, of course I'd stay, but I had no idea how it would make me FEEL. Well, I got lucky or some shit, stupidest fucking thing, but i'm thankful for it, so, y'know, I talked about Izutsumi before, a freakin treasure. In the anime, she's flat as a freakin board, I don't know, it made something click. She was beautiful without any need for breasts because of her mannerisms and personality, it was also how she didn't sexualise her own body, albeit it did seem self depreciating from her. 'Who would want to look at me?' anywho, I know how I'd feel if she had a mastectomy, or a reduction. Love. Nothing lost, and the anxiety alleviated itself. I appreciate my wife so much. She deserves to be loved, and I hope the anxiety will soon be a distant memory. But the shame of what I doubted for so long is still there. Maybe I'll feel better if she talks to me about this entry. But...whatever

I've been writing for two hours, And I still think I haven't written about what I wanted to write. But, I wrote.

Pictured:

Seasonal eternal bouquets I made for my wife.

Butterfly that landed on my staff when I was having a crisis of faith. It stayed there even when I moved.

Finally, an old photo of me, my dragon hand in plain view. I lost both my robe, and my hat...but such is chaos. I can't stay myself forever. Or can I?

P.S: Midna was my first video game crush.

OG Shortstack! My princess.

I wonder if I can be my own friend...

Hee hee!

[lucyglassesstuff]

Being kind to others is not pointless.

It took me a while to realize that.

To realize that being kind and loving does matter.

That it does make a difference.

That showing support and appreciation actually provokes change.

And what a huge change.

I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner, but my best guess is that a lot of us grew up surrounded by people who were tired of trying to fix a broken society so they stopped the efforts and taught us to not even bother, in the hopes it would save us from the trouble and anguish.

Or that's how it was for me, at some degree.

With a bit of observation to my own behavior, I realized I second guess every kind, nice, comment I have about anything or anyone.

"Should I say this?"

Should I say "Hey mom, you're looking so beautiful today" or "I think you're a smart and considerate person sis" just- out of the blue? Because I thought so?

It has always felt like that. It feels- weird to say compliments to others just for the sake of it.

Shouldn't it be their birthday or something?

Shouldn't there be something else than the mere want prompting me to do it?

Will I just look weird? Will they think I want something from them?

And with that kind of thought comes the flipped side of the coin: doubts about every compliment I get- Do they want something from me? What's the complicated squeam behind their kind words?

Is not a nice way to live life to be honest.

But still- I keep doubting before saying.

I doubt if I should smile at the people I cross while walking down the park.

I doubt telling the cashier her hair looks actually fantastic.

Hell, I even doubt saying "hello, good morning" or "bye, have a nice day" to some people.

And I love the people who do that.

I want to also be that people.

But anyway, since I always felt compelled to do it and I'm a sucker for finding less threatening ways of doing the things I want to do, I became a letter person, writing letters with the lovey-dovey stuff I don't usually say but always think, to give them to my family every once a few months.

Y'know, to not let them know I love them too much and all that.

We wouldn't want people knowing we like them and appreciate them, right?

Yeah, it does sound dumb. It is. It's- It's just- Why are we like that?

Why am I like that?

For me, the answer is quite simple: I'm freaking scared of people.

And yes, those we love are the ones who can hurt us the most.

By simple math, the more people you love the more chances you get of getting hurt.

No one wants to be hurt.

So we- Manage our love bank funds.

Tho, I personally think those funds are limitless. We're capable of loving as much as we want. But I also think is true you can love too much...

But anyway- to keep myself ontopic, your kindness, your words of appreciation and admiration do matter. They matter so much.

We are all way more confident and less reluctant when it comes to complaining and judging.

For some reason I have this internalized idea that having a lowkey kinda hateful comment equals to having a strong opinion.

As if we were really good judges of character, taking pride in our pointy noses.

I look tougher and rougher if I say a less kind thing.

I can't let everyone know I'm actually a Cinnamon roll and I mostly wanna hurt nobody.

I'll be taken advantage of if I let them see that.

I'll look weak and naive.

And blah blah.

Is a long train of thought that isn't even a train of thought to be honest. It's- like a code on a program: I don't think it word by word, but the code does make me hesitate before saying anything positive about someone else.

The worst part is that when I do convince myself to say it, I say it toned down, watered-down.

So, if I thought "Damn her skin looks so gorgeous! It's shiny, it's soft, it's radiant, all one cohesive color. God I want that skin!" I'll say "You- have a nice skin"

Yeah.

So I won't scare the hell out of her.

Or that's what I tell myself.

And I know this is just like- me exemplifying my previous rambling, but the point I'm trying to make is that we do not trust people's kindness when it comes from out of no where.

We're used to getting help and support when we are struggling.

Reason behind why when we do receive kindness we associate it with pity.

Is a long thing, but I just- I hope it wasn't like that.

But I've seen it happen: I've seen people being kind out of just showing appreciation and support and love for content creators that have helped them with their struggles.

Or just to- y'know, say "I see what you're doing. I think it's right. I agree with it. I'll support you doing it. Thank you for doing it"

And so they just- show love and support and appreciation and- how many times did I say those words already?

It's true for me too: there's so many content creators that I've been inspired by, that make me want to be a better person, that showed me that love does exist, that kindness is out there and people do want to help. People I want to hug and say thank you to. People I care about. People I wish good things upon.

And this takes me to a little add comment about the demonization of social media: The infamous internet is just an extension of society, and just like it, it's beautiful and awful at the same time.

We have created communities, we found people we care about, we make friends, we share, we support, we get inspired. Internet is an amazing add to humans relationships, but of course, like every single thing on existence, it has a darker side too. A bad side. An ugly side.

It's not this post's topic but I'm just so done with the entire thing-

It's- It's not- It's like saying life is a wonderful gift. Life can do no harm.

Bitch we have done harm!

We are life!

We can do bad things!

It doesn't have to be one or the other!

Life is beautiful! Is a miracle! Yes! And it can also be the cause of destruction for everything else!

I- That's it. I'm done for today.

The point got across... I belive.

And is a topic I want to expand on with its own post. So back to what we were saying: I'm in the process of learning to be more forthcoming when it comes to the good things I think of others cause yesterday I was told I look prettier everyday and that is still making me smile, so- I want to do that for other people too. And I want to mean it. I want to see into their eyes and say "you are actually marvelous. Go be wonderful today".

Because it makes me happy.

Because I do belive we're capable of such wonderful things.

This is not me trying to start a movement.

Thank all the divine for that movement has already begun and people do care, do want to be more loving.

I'm just counting myself in, and if I get just one more of you to do it too, I'll consider it a success.

Hell, if I get myself to be more prone to output my kindness into the wild world I'll consider it a success.

But still, do join. Become a loving cinnamon roll with the rest of us.

Being kind is not weakness.

It's taking me actual conscious effort to learn that.

And I'm sure it will take all of us a good while before actually integrating that knowledge into our way of living, but hey, we've been to the moon, we can just say more nice things to each other, right?

Final ideas for today: YOUR KINDNESS MATTERS SO MUCH.

Please do not refrain yourself from being kind to others.

And have a great day, night, evening, whatever is ahead of you!

[void-rainbow]

Thoughts I'm self-conscious about

Hollow Knight makes me think about gender a lot

--and this isn't really about Hollow Knight but y'know it's my obsession, so, talking about things through this lens XD

Gender is in the game a lot so just. Yeah. I dunno. Keeps coming to my mind. Or me trying to write characters/make ocs, and having to decide on how they feel about gender/pronouns....

And. I keep enjoying looking at things about gender. Via the game I guess. I dunno. Like all the things with the vessels or other characters. People often creating nice hk things concerning gender. Like there was a whole hk gender zine.

Sometimes that just happens with identities that don't have to do with you. Sometimes, I love seeing things with people loving themselves. Such things are beautiful. I wish everyone had room in the world to love themselves, and we can celebrate with each other our various categories/identities

I dunno, it's just. A lot more than I expected with hk. Not like I haven't enjoyed things with nb characters before. And many of my friends/family are nb

Anyway, I made a post with this stuff before. It's still been on my mind. Since it's a weird feeling to me to think on gender so much. The kind of thing that you would expect others would say it would mean something about yourself

I dunno

But what I was thinking today was about something I found. I think. 9 years ago.

I've struggled with mental health stuff for a long time and it messes up everything about my sense of self. Often just feeling like much of me is lost, hidden, inaccessible. Hard to even feel like I exist as a person sometimes

I found once people talking on tumblr about gender being influenced by mental illness. Like various identities for this

I mentioned it to my friend/roommate. Though she immediately shot it down. Saying I was too feminine

I wasn't trying to say it was me, this identity

but

I don't know

in some way

maybe I was a little bit

...

Also was annoyed at the feminine part. Since such things are so arbitrary. Even if there are several things about me that could fall under feminine

Anyway, I guess I didn't think too much further on it. Not sure how much was due to this interaction. But also I've found that sometimes thinking about gender too much is difficult

When your identity is in shambles and it feels easy to feel confused or ungrounded. And a lot of my memories are messed up and it feels like nothing about myself is based off of trustworthy information. For things I've forgotten, or maybe I remember them but they feel so alien to me it's like secondhand information and feels untrustworthy. I dunno I just at some point tried to stop dwelling on it and ignoring those feelings. It was horrible at first. But after years and years and years I couldn't stay shocked forever, couldn't keep up a distressed feeling forever, and it just falls to numbness. It's not good. It's not like it went away. But I learned to.....not even function, but. Sure. "Function". And some of that is coping strategies to try to avoid feeling ungrounded and confused

So even if many things in my memory are fuzzy or I can only remember them sometimes or they feel weird and untrustworthy I just try to take them as true anyway. Like building a fake identity on top of nothingness. Because I have to have something. It's too agonizing to have nothing. Too disorienting

Gender is just one of those things. Like some kind of lode-bearing pillar of fake identity I need to not destabilize everything and feel disoriented and confused

Thinking about gender too long in a personal capacity tends to destabilize things. I start to feel really uncomfortable and possibly distressed, that my mind's going to fall apart. It does fall apart somewhat if I think on it long enough

But yeah I keep thinking about gender when it comes to hk. And I've felt bad some days. Thankfully most of the time not

Just makes me wonder again and again why I want to look at so many things as if they make me personally happy. People being excited about all the nb characters

I dunno maybe it's all of these beings of void, assumed to be empty. Maybe that resonates with me on multiple levels

And Collector out there being a weirdo, which I already know I write to let out feelings about my own mental illness

Still feel weird writing all this out

Weird, fake, bad, thinking too much about things that aren't for me

And I remain a person very weak to shame

I dunno. Just trying to look things up again today. The term I still remember since I head about it in 2014, cloudgender

Which I guess most things coming up for it in tags now is gender relating to clouds which is. Not what I'm looking for

But a little bit about it being related to dp/dr, which is a narrower definition than I remembered. Mm

I dunno I feel like it used to be easier to search for lgbt+ stuff on tumblr and get real content other than vague multi-identity positivity posts and flags, as if that's all you need to know. Just a bit frustrated hoping to find the kinds of things that people actually say about it. Real discussions. I can only assume there's too much algorithm or something out there now. Either that or people stopped having extended conversations on tumblr I dunno

Or maybe since I was previously a sorta. Ace/sj blogger. As was easy to just become on tumblr. Glad to not be anymore, but I saw a lot of great discussion and sometimes I miss the feeling of community. Probably put me in position to see a lot of things about other identities

I dunno. Looking for neurogender is sadly not giving much better results

But anyway

I don't really know what I'm saying with all this except to

to

feel held back by shame in even saying that maybe there's something meaningful to be found in looking up more

[big-sis-milly]

Okay FINE I'll show you a more in depth example as to why I think using mama is hot

Kind of a long one but hear me out

One can only imagine a rough and tumble cowgirl, piercing eyes and a shot so fast you could've sworn she had six arms, revolvers in each hand. She only needs the one, though.

At some point in time she could have been called a hero, riding around and solving problems where she goes, until she fell off the face of the earth one day. Around the same time, a gang that she regularly scuffles with is growing exponentially. They took a whole town, and scared the cops into giving it to them.

There are rumors that the leader of the gang is a hypnotist, and reports of a new girl who carried the operation looking exactly like our cowgirl made people connect the dots. Obviously, the leader hypnotized our hero into doing this crimes! Right?

A cabin door closes with a creak as the cowgirl steps inside the hypnotists quarters. She looks tired, dusty, and spattered with blood. The hypnotist, dark and beautiful and still, beckons her cowgirl to come closer.

"You have done such a good job today dear, I'm very proud of you." Her voice is soft, but heavy, and it projects in a crowd like magic. She pats the space on the bed next to her. "Come, sit with me."

The cowgirl has an uneasy look on her face, she glances over at the hypnotist with a hint of suspicion. "I... don't want to. The innocent people you made me kill today, I could never..." She trailed off, her hand reaching up to cover her mouth.

The hypnotist clicked her tongue. "Still trying to play hero? Gosh, did my conditioning actually work, or are you just believing your own lies?"

"Wh- what do you mean by that..? What did you make me-" The cowgirl winced as she felt an ache in her forehead.

"Oh please, I don't want to hear any more nonsense about what I 'made you do'. What we agreed on was much more amicable for you than for me." Reaching into her bedside drawer, the hypnotist retrieves a piece of paper. "This is a contract you signed. You can check the writing all you want, I'm sure you'll find it's authentic."

Reluctantly, the cowgirl stomped over and snatched the paper out of the hypnotists hands. Her expression betrayed absolute horror; it was hers. It couldn't be, but it was. She read through each clause, easy to understand and short, but no wiggle room for a loophole she could see.

Not to mention, the clauses of this contract are weird, to say the least. It's kink negotiation. Safewords, rules on how far one can go during sex and impact play, and even a clause to only refer to the hypnotist as... No. No way in hell that's happening. But this last one here, that can't be true, she wouldn't have.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, my dear, but— I haven't hypnotized you to do my bidding." She said, her voice oozing a tainted kind of compassion. "I hypnotized you to forget signing this, though. Besides, not like I could just brainwash you against your will, we had to find something that you would agree to, I was merely following your wishes. 'Course, you didn't specify if I could just tell you what you forgot. Great with a gun, but you're lacking in negotiation."

"Rrgh, don't loop me into this! You had to have tricked me or something, I wouldn't have agreed to that! It's your fault!" Lightning quick, she unholstered her gun, pointing it right between the hypnotists unbothered eyes.

"As quick a draw as ever, love. What's the use if you can't pull the trigger?"

"Heh, is that your plan? You hypnotized me to not be able to shoot you? I don't have to aim at you to take you out, y'know that right?"

"Did you see anything in the contract that said that? No, silly, but I'm certain that you won't hit me. I mean, you're done. Scott-free to stay with me, not like you can help it right? You're under the hypnotists spell." She said with a cute er- over the top spooky voice.

"Why would I ever want to stay with you. Monster."

"Ah, that's not the name we agreed on, is it?"

The cowgirl's disgusted frown would've almost seemed believable if she wasn't blushing. "I didn't agree to nothing! I would never call you th-that, never have never will."

"But you did, my dear." The hypnotist sounded exasperated. "Okay, I think it's just easier to remind you at this point. Heel."

Without a single thought, the cowgirl fell into a lewd, humiliating squat, spreading her legs as far as they can go, her arms pulled up to her chest in a 'begging' gesture. Like a dog at the edge of the bed. "...Huh?"

"Good girl." Her voice considerably softened, speaking in a simple singsongy tone. "When I snap my fingers, I will allow you to remember what we did last night."

"W-what? What do you me-"

Snap.

The cowgirl gasped, struggling to keep herself upright as a dormant part of her brain was unlocked. She remembers now.

The hypnotist straddling your lap, slamming her hips down onto you as her adorable cock leaks onto your stomach. She feels so fucking good, her tight ass milking every drop of cum in your body. You love her, oh god you love her. You've been going at it for what feels like hours, but you just can't get enough.

She starts to slow down and you can't help but whine at the loss of your 5th orgasm for the night, you want to grab her and fuck the daylights out of this little tease until you both pass out, but that's against the rules, isn't it? No moving, she said. It feels better if you just do as she says, and she's right. You try to beg her to speed up, but she leans down into a kiss and slows herself even more. You're in heaven, nothing can compare to her.

As the cowgirl's vision returns, she sees the hypnotist sitting at the edge of the bed, smiling. "Did that jog your memory?"

"Uhm, ah..." She tries to control her breathing, but the recently discovered memory and the prominent tent in her pants is making it difficult. Her face begins glowing red with blush as she shifts herself unwittingly, trying to get any friction against her growing member. "I d-don't know what you're- mmph~ talking about!"

The hypnotist laughs, but she doesn't sound disappointed, more like she finds it endearing. She extends a hand and rests it on her cowgirl's cheek. "Don't be like that dear, I can see you're fit to burst already, aren't you? Is your cock just aching to be back inside me again?"

Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it. Finding a second wind within herself, the cowgirl glares at the hypnotist. "Go fuck yourself. I don't want nothing to do with you, so you can just let me go and I'll arrest you like I should have ages ago, okay Ma-" As soon as she let it slip, the cowgirl stopped herself, turning her head off to the side.

"Hm? Were you about to say something, pet?" The hypnotist cooed, her hand turning her cowgirl's face back to her before snaking further back to grab her hair lightly. She pulled, and her cowgirl followed, onto the nice, warm, comfy bed.

The cowgirl looked down at her hypnotist, whimpering and kissing her face desperately. A leg pressed gently into her crotch, and the mewl that came out finally broke her. "Mmh, Mamaaa~ P-please let me fuck you. I can't stand it, I need you more than anything in the whole world, please please please please-"

"No need to be so hasty, my love, be a good girl and take your time. We have all night to each other. Now, come and lose yourself to me."

She couldn't help but giggle like a little girl. "Hehe, okay Mama ❤️"

I have a heated on again off again relationship with the word "Mama" because on one hand I find the word reeeaaally funny (super mario's classic mama fucker line, just sounds silly in general, etc.) but I also think it's really hot (you know why. pervert.)

Additionally, I think there has to be a humorous connection between super mario's classic mama fucker line and incest but I don't know how to express that cleverly, so!

[ronniescribbles]

Tiny CuRickosity (Wonder Day)

Flesh Curtains!Rick Sanchez x Little!Reader

Rainbow Week 2022 (created by @whimsycreator)

629 Words 

“The world is filled with wonder and beauty. Life is mysterious.” – After a long night of performing, Rick shows you how he truly feels about your regression.

You can read it on AO3 here!

A/N: Day 3 of Rainbow Week! This is my first time writing for Rick, so I may have went a little off theme, but I wanted to have extra fun with it💗 p.s. I struggled so hard with this title😭

Rick was exhausted, you could easily see by the bags under his eyes darkening more than usual. A full night of bar shows would do that to you, for sure. He fumbled with his guitar, examining it for marks and scratches. His focus seemed to be on nothing in particular, though, just flipping between channels of distractions. 

----------------------------------------------

Moonlight partially illuminated the inside of the tour bus, which was less of a tour bus and more of a dingy, poorly customized, and probably stolen RV. The lumpy seats and rust on the door handles didn't help, either. Though despite how unmanaged the vehicle felt, the scrawny man beside you made it feel like home. 

You, on the other hand, were restless beyond control. Sitting in the green room and waiting for the night to end seemed easy enough, but god if it wasn't the single most uneventful 'job' you could have. Rick always reminded you that you were his good luck charm, and that he enjoyed having you around, but you only got to see him briefly in between breaks. 

You'd stashed some coloring books in your backpack to ease the pang of boredom, knowing that you'd probably slip into headspace if left alone. With all the noise backstage, it was hard to calm down, even with your noise-cancelling headphones. And as always, with your luck, you found yourself pulling out your gear right as the gang barrelled through the door. 

Now, Rick knew of your little side and seemed to approve in some sense of the word, but after a night of performances, it wasn't something you felt comfortable bothering him with. It was easy to unintentionally get on Rick's bad side when he was exhausted; you just didn't want your little self to be too much on him, especially not right now. 

"B-uugh-babe, what are you- why the hell are you staring at me like that?" 

With a few harsh blinks, you realized you'd indeed been looking at Rick this whole time. 

Crap.

"Uh, I don't know, I'm just.. tired. Really tired. Yeah."Very smooth, you scolded yourself, before he had a chance to respond. 

As expected, he cocked half of his unibrow in disbelief, but seemingly shrugged off the urge to press further. 

"Yeah sure, whatever. You're lucky I'm tired. Just- just come here, yeah?" 

Rick lifted his thin arm for you, and without hesitation you slid beside him. It felt nice to let gravity go and feel his warmth next to you. You felt his hand rub your shoulder, the spiked bracelet he donned for shows poking against the fabric of your band tee. 

Rick made you think a lot whenever he was around. Not necessarily in a bad way, just a curiosity that made you wonder about the world in a way you usually didn't. Maybe that's why you found yourself leaning towards your regression more when he was around; he was a smart guy, and in any case, who wouldn't become tiny at the thought of aliens and spaceships and adventures? 

"Uh.. Rick?" You peeped, trying to disguise your big voice's faltering. 

He made a short noise in response. 

"Can's you..," you sighed, trying again, "can you talk about the planets you've been to?" You pouted at your growing inability to stay big. 

Rick chuckled to himself. 

"Well, uh, I remember that one time we played at Buttworld  – they go-ughh-gotta whole lotta butts there." 

True to your little nature, the word "butt" sent you into a fit of giggles. 

"I knew that'd get you," Rick smirked. "Y'know, you really don't have to hide that sh..shtuff around me. I mean, really, do you know how much I've seen in space?" 

Maybe you didn't have to worry about being a bother around Rick, after all.

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳who cursed the bludger? ♡

in which the reader's dominant hand is injured badly after a rogue bludger slams into it and none other than fred weasley is behind it. who cursed the bludger?

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ± 2k

tw: serious injury, a little bit of swearing

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

ft. penny clearwater

who cursed the bludger?

y/n was currently draped lazily over her broomstick, haven given up trying to teach penelope clearwater how to fly. said prefect was on the grass, smirking as y/n embarrassedly looked around.

"penny that's not ok to ask!"

"fine, fine," she pondered for a moment, "hey, what's up with you and fred weasley, huh?"

"nothing at all," y/n answered a little too quick for penny's liking.

"c'mon, y/n, you're younger than me, i should know all that happens. you two are very...flirty."

"yeah well, my dear pennysylvania, we have flirty personalities. duh."

"no, you don't."

"okay, i don't. he does."

"but he seems like he means it."

"of course he means it? he says it in a joking way? y'know, he means it as a joke."

"hmm, nope, i don't think so, y/n. he's looking your way right now."

"i'm probably blocking the space, let's move outta the way."

"you're not gonna play with them?"

"already play in matches, why now? let's chat."

fred was silently eavesdropping on their conversation as he heard his name.

"sooo you and perceeee??" y/n dragged out, grinning as she did loop-do-loops with her broomstick.

penny blushed, but looked disappointed, "he likes oliver."

"oh. well, f percy, what about marcus??"

"he's just marcus. we're best friends, y/n."

"my fav trope of romance is best friends to lovers," y/n wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and penny shook her head in amusement.

"my one is the opposites attract."

"hmm yeah, that's a good one too, it's really cute! say, aren't you and mar-"

"i was meaning you!"

"huh?"

"you and fred."

fred smirked as he listened, flicking back the bludger harshly at angelina.

"oh yes because we are totally meant for each other," y/n sarcastically replied.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"yes."

"you're doing this on purpose!"

"hmm? what?"

"oh my goodness, merlin you're stupid bro!" penny said exasperatedly.

"and you just realised. congrats, penny."

"anyway, what i'm saying is you and fred are rather like opposites. although he's extroverted and you're extroverted, you're a cute little nerd," y/n huffed at this 'i am n o t a nerd for the last time!' "and he's a class clown in the most charming way. you like reading and he likes pranking people and quidditch. you're a goody two shoes, an adorable one, but he's this foolish jock," penny looked proud with her argument so y/n laughed, "you're modest and he's very confident. and you're both hot."

y/n smiled, "i am not hot!" she giggled, "that's stupid."

"oi, ange!" penny called to angelina who looked over at her in amusement.

"yeah?"

"is y/n hot?"

"oh, totally!" angelina casually threw the quaffle into the hoop, "10/10."

"guyyys you flatTer me," y/n stretched out as the three of them laughed, "i'm bLushIng."

"you actually are," angie quipped.

"it's a command thing. if she wants to blush, she'll blush," replied penny.

they burst into giggles again.

fred watched y/n. a rosy pink, sure enough, had spread across her cheeks. that was enough to get her blushing?

"oi, l/n!"

y/n's head snapped his way, her eyes narrowed as if expecting an insult being thrown her way.

"your lips are pretty!"

her form relaxed, "thanks! yours are too!!"

penny giggled as angie rolled around laughing.

"what?" y/n looked around.

"the way you return flirting is hilarious."

"a compliment for a compliment, isn't that what they say?"

angelina snorted, "no one says that."

"oh well i say it, so deal with it."

"hey, i have an idea!" penny brightened up.

"let's hear it!"

"let's teach y/n pick up lines, ange!"

"oh you're a genius, penny!"

"okay, so-"

a bludger came whizzing at y/n as she screamed, trying frantically to dodge it. it hit her hand and a crack was heard.

luckily she immediately hopped off calmly, taking out her wand shakily and stunning the bludger, before penny and angie helped her over to the hospital ward, fred lagging guiltily behind.

she was ordered to stay in bed rest and with drowsy eyes she drifted off.

fred watched her feeling so terrible as he saw her heavily bandaged hand, imagining how he was going to tell her that he was in fact the one that had charmed it.

the next day, she was out and about, gently cradling her hand which was broken.

"um, hey, y/n," he nervously approached her.

"oh, hello!"

"i might have jinxed the bludger to go wild," he confessed abruptly, "i'm really sorry i didn't mean to-"

"no, it's fine, really." she gave him a reassuring smile and walked off.

he noticed that she couldn't write in class. usually she was scribbling away, but she just sat awkwardly at her desk, trying frantically to get anything legible down with her non-dominant hand. the fact she was so courteous and forgiving about everything just made it worse.

by now, y/n was dying inside. she couldn't write notes, and even though she wanted to ask any willing person for a duplicate of their notes, she'd have to explain the whole broken hand thing.

"ange?"

"yep?"

"do you have history of magic notes?" y/n did puppy eyes.

"nope, you forgot i dropped out."

"oh."

"do you want mine?" fred asked, smirking as he looked y/n up and down.

"you take notes?!!!" y/n was shook.

"only for you, 'cause i felt bad."

"you didn't need to!"

"i did. you want them?"

"yes please, thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!!"

"you're acting like you're not the one the bludger hit," angie quipped and y/n frowned, completely forgetting fred was still there, browsing the notes.

"c'mon, it was just an accident. and i've always wanted to be ambidextrous."

"lovely, you were struggling. i'll take all your notes. my handwriting isn't neat but i owe you."

y/n ducked to hide the light blush she could not control at all.

immediately she got a confused look from fred.

and instantly she thought of something that might make the blush go away. he didn't mean it, it slipped out, she thought and she felt her face cooling down, a slight frown appearing on her face.

"o-okay, thanks fred."

"no problems, darling," he flirted.

"that's good, darling," she flirted graciously back, bravely tilting her head up and looking him in the eye.

he took it well.

"where did you learn how to flirt so well, my little love??"

"why, freddie," she joked flirtatiously, "from you of course!"

he coughed and excused himself.

"he should really be careful with who he's flirting mindlessly with," y/n rolled her eyes.

angelina laughed, "flirting mindlessly? do you see the way he looks at you?"

"personality," y/n stated simply.

"or not."

true to his word, notes in fred's flurry of handwriting appeared neatly stacked every day. they were far too thorough and consisted of stupid flirty notes by the side. sometimes a little note, written in class, was jammed in there probably by accident:

hello freddie!

i have a crush on you 0-o, hogsmeade at 7pm on sunday?

-jamie <3, boy who sits in front of you in arithmancy

jamie,

i already have my eye on someone :) not you, sorry, y/n cringed at the bluntness of his words

you are very nice, perhaps try trera rivera if you swing that way? or illinois ann if you swing all ways?

oh i'm so sorry, i didn't know that! i'll talk to both. was the gracious answer

-jamie

and again! the lucky boy! this time from a girl.

weasley-

i know we hate each other but give me a chance to explain myself? broom closet at 9 tomorrow ? it trailed off to something that y/n didn't even want to think about.

k.o

fuck off. i don't fucking like you, i like someone else, ffs.

was the reply as y/n laughed and made sure to give the note back to fred.

it wasn't everyday someone confessed to you, right?

she underlined all the words that simply weren't legible to ask fred about.

and aNOTHER ONE?? how did this boy have so many admirers? y/n had received 0 love letters from any boy, let alone people of the same gender. you knew you were good with the ladies (and the gentlemen) when everyone sent you these letters.

dearest frederick-

it droned quite sweetly on about him and loving him and the writing was really magnificent.

margaret perrer

hi marg

i'm really really sorry. you seem like such a nice person, and it's not you, it's me. i, however, have a friend who really adores you: kenneth. he'll be an amazing friend and maybe more.

i also already am interested in another girl, so it really isn't you. thank you for your beautiful letter, hopefully we can be friends!

fred

oh he was very nice. feeling like she had overstepped the boundaries, she put them aside, discovering more and more but putting them all in a stack. she felt slightly insecure, especially when they all looked relatively neW?? the perfume on the flowers still smelled fresh?? who was this guy?

she sighed, finishing her read through and being thoroughly impressed with the sheer quality of the notes.

but there were around 100 words she had underlined. she skipped down into the great hall where she spotted two gingers. as soon as one (she couldn't see which one) saw her, he got up, whispered to the other something, and left.

when she approached the one that was left behind, she saw it was george.

"hi georgie!" she greeted him and thrust the papers into his hand, "where's fred?"

george shrugs, "left, for a date or something."

"oh, okay, could you translate these for me, the underlined words?" if y/n was disappointed, she didn't show it.

"oh yeah, sure, his handwriting's rubbish, isn't it."

"yes it is, i can barely read half of it."

george finished scribbling words next to the underlined ones.

"oh! and give these back to him? i'm pretty sure he dropped them in, probably got mixed up." she gave him the pile of letters, now neatly bundled in rope she had found.

"oh, yeah sure," george smirked, "of course."

"nice, well that's it, thanks for the help!"

"anything else?"

"tell fred good luck."

"right, right, mhm."

"yea."

once she'd left, george took out his walkie talkie.

"got that, freddie?"

"crystal clear."

"you're pining, pffft, hahahahah," george smirked as fred sighed.

"it didn't even work?"

"which plan?"

"the one to drop the letters in."

"i'm pretty sure she read like two, she didn't seem that disappointed?"

"exactly."

"you're an idiot. just tell her."

"but that's boringggg."

"well drop the hints then, merlin fred you're terrible at this."

"i haven't dated a billion girls like you!"

"then learn how to date my goodness."

"true."

"come fucking back."

"hickies or no?"

"eh go for it. i wanna see her reaction and then we can decide whether she likes you or not."

fred strided handsomely in, neck littered with little hickies and his top had two buttons open, freckles and pale broad shoulders showing.

george rolled his eyes, muttering, "drama queen," as he subtlely watched y/n. she managed not to look so surprised, her eyes widening then looking down quickly at her hands.

he would have thought she felt nothing for his twin if a light pink had not dusted over her face and if angie had not nudged her with a concerned look on her face.

y/n was wondering what the hell happened, disappointment rising slowly in her.

"okay, she's into you," george whispered as fred began removing the spell, leaving the unbuttoned shirt unbuttoned.

"cool beans."

"oh and she gives these back," george smirked.

"oh look at how she bundled it! so adorable georgie!"

"you're disgusting."

y/n hurried to the library at 6pm. she had heard the book she had waited for was finally available.

as she settled down with it, a paper aeroplane hit her.

"ahh!" she screamed as she caught it.

it read:

forbidden forest, 8pm.

huh? was this meant for her? it was in neat handwriting and on the smoothest parchment, with a single flower that smelt like fresh rain.

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: Wanda's boyfriend continues to be an aggravation in your life, causing some distance between you and Wanda

warning/s: none

author's note: i really appreciate the feedback you guys gave in the last part – it’s always motivating to read your reactions/comments 🥰

part one | part two | part four | part five | masterlist | wattpad

Sorting things out with Wanda made everything return to normal in no time. So much in fact that she decided I was worth inviting to her and her brother's birthday party.

Never in a million years did I expect the most popular girl in our grade to know who I was, let alone invite me to her birthday party, so to say I was surprised was an understatement.

"It's not a big deal if you can't make it," she said when she handed me the invitation in class. "I mean, I'd love it if you could, but yeah, no pressure."

I was in awe, accepting the invite and reading it quickly. It must have been a pretty expensive party if she was giving out special invites, that's for sure.

"You want me to come?" I asked, still unsure whether this was a joke or not.

"Only if you want to," she said quickly, eyes darting around the room and anywhere but at me. "Like I said, you don't have to. It's not a big deal and– I– yeah." She pressed her lips together and stopped rambling, offering me a small smile.

"Thanks," I said quietly, slotting the invite in my notebook. "I'll, er, I'll think about it."

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and faced forward, nodding. "Yeah, sure, no rush."

After that awkward conversation, I discovered she'd also invited Y/BF/N, the two of them developing a little friendship the more she'd hung out with me. He didn't mind going, but only wanted to do so if I went.

"I feel like I kinda don't wanna go," I admitted to him after school as we were studying in the library.

"Oh?" He rose an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

I played with the pencil in my hand. "I don't know, it's just– it's gonna be full of all of her other friends. And they don't really like me. Plus, her dick of a boyfriend is gonna be there. I just think she might have invited me to be nice. Like she might have felt like she had to because we sit together, y'know?"

"I think you know that isn't true," he said knowingly. "Maybe, just maybe, she actually wants us there, wants you there, to celebrate her birthday."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, giving it some thought. But the idea of going to Wanda's house party and seeing a bunch of people I didn't care about getting pissed wasn't comforting. Besides, even if I went, I'd probably see Wanda once before she'd get scooped away by Nate. What was the point?

"Nah, I don't think I'm going," I decided. "She won't notice. I'll just get her a present instead."

Y/BF/N sighed, clearly not impressed with my answer. Nonetheless, he said, "Okay, suit yourself."

"You can go if you want," I added, knowing his presence wasn't linked with mine.

"No Y/N, no party," he said with a dismissive shrug, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Such a good friend," I said teasingly, but there was truth to my words. And I knew he knew that. 

When I saw photos and videos of Wanda and Pietro's party all over my social media the day after, I knew I'd made the right choice in not going. It was the same visuals of everyone getting drunk, doing stupid shit and making a mess. Call me a loser, but that wasn't really my scene. Pietro and Wanda both seemed to enjoy it though, judging from the pictures.

Instead, I bought her a birthday present, knowing I didn't have to but I kind of wanted to, and planned to give it to her when she turned up to class. It was her birthday today, despite throwing the party over the weekend, so I hoped it would make up for my absence (thought I doubted she noticed).

She showed up and settled beside me as I was writing the date in my notebook, making me look up to see she'd made an extra effort to dress up for her birthday, looking fancier than usual. I couldn't help but smile at the giant '18' birthday badge pinned to her jacket.

"Happy birthday, Wanda," was the first thing I said when I saw her. "You look amazing."

A bashful smile appeared on her lips. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I hope your party went well," I said, giving her my full attention whilst trying not to drool over how beautiful she looked.

Surprisingly, her smile faded and her eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, it did... could you not make it? I tried looking for you and– yeah..."

I opened my mouth to speak, admittedly a little embarrassed that she'd caught me out. I was sure she wouldn't notice – the pictures made it seem like there were loads of guests, I'd definitely have blended in if I were there – but clearly I was mistaken.

"I just thought–" she began, before shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Sorry, I thought–" I started, but like her, didn't know what to say. "Parties aren't my thing," I admitted truthfully. "But it looked fun. You enjoyed it, right?"

She nodded, a small forced smile on her lips. "Yeah, right. It's cool. No biggie."

I swallowed awkwardly. It seemed like a biggie and now I felt bad.

"I, er, got you a gift," I blurted, hoping to change the subject. Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the terribly wrapped present and held it out nervously. "I hope you, er, like it."

Her eyebrows raised as her eyes flickered between the present and I. "Oh? You didn't have to. I wasn't expecting anything."

Was it hot in here or was it just me?

I pulled my collar away from my neck, hoping to circulate some air. "I wanted to. It's not a big deal."

She accepted the gift, fingers brushing mine and making me even more nervous, before opening it up. Her eyes sparkled with delight as she revealed a brand new leather paintbrush carry case.

"The one you always carry around is tattered and falling apart, so I thought I'd get you a new one," I explained, feeling like I had to. "I mean, unless the other one has some sort of sentimental value, then in that case, I can just return this."

"Are you kidding? I love it!" she exclaimed, looking to me with a grin. "It's beautiful, Y/N. I don't even know what else to say."

My shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile tugging at my lips. "Good. Th-that's good. I'm glad you like it."

Without warning, she moved forward off her stool and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I was startled, unable to think straight with her body pressed so close to mine and her floral perfume wafting into my nose. Why did she have to smell so good?

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling away but not quite letting go. Her eyes were glowing as they watched me carefully, accompanying her weak-in-the-knees smile. I was sure I'd melt. "It means a lot."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear I'd say something stupid. I resisted the urge to look down at her lips, which were pulled into a small, appreciative smile. She let go of me, looking to the case again and unravelling it. I caught my breath meanwhile, my senses still on override as her perfume lingered.

She was just so damn beautiful.

—

"Okay, how about this – robotic or organic aliens. Which would you rather invade our planet?" Y/BF/N asked.

I chuckled at his question. "Definitely haven't thought about that one, but let's see..."

We were hanging in the bleachers out near the football field as we waited for football practice to end. Y/BF/N had a Film project to do and needed to film the field, so I offered to help like the good friend I was.

"Probably organic," I answered as I balanced on the bleachers, standing up and tiptoeing down them like steps. "At least we could reason with them if they tried to kill us because they'd have a conscience. Robotic aliens would just be programmed to take over and that's it."

Y/BF/N seemed against the idea as he played with his camera. "Yeah, but if they were robotic, all we'd have to do is launch a missile at them and they'd explode. You can break metal. It's harder to break organic matter."

I stifled a laugh. "You've given this much thought, I see."

He gave me a knowing look. "You telling me you don't think aliens exist?"

I stopped tiptoeing and stood still as I looked down at him with humoured eyes. "You know I know aliens exist."

He waved his hand like that was enough reasoning. "There you go then!"

I laughed, wondering how he thought of this stuff, then continued to balance as I walked down the bleachers. Probably the wrong choice as when I heard a voice call me, I looked up, saw it was Wanda, then proceeded to miss a step and fall onto my arse.

"Oh God, Y/N, are you okay?" she asked, moving forward to help me.

My face heated up as Y/BF/N laughed his arse off beside me. I accepted Wanda's hand and let her pull me up, before letting go immediately when I could handle it myself. Her presence always made me nervous, but this was just terrible.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, glancing at her and freezing at her piercing gaze and suppressed smile.

"You sure?" she asked, glancing at Y/BF/N, before trying to hide her own laughter.

Fuck me, why was I such a mess whenever she was around?

"Very sure," I said, though my back began to ache from where I hit it. "What's up, anyway?"

Y/BF/N finally shut up, to my relief, and Wanda minimised her laughter before scratching her head.

"I'm waiting for practice to end so I can take Pietro home," she said, nodding to the field. "I saw you both sat here and thought I'd say hi. Are you guys watching practice?"

"Not really," I answered, before tilting my head to Y/BF/N. "We're just waiting for it to end so Y/BF/N can film for his project."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting," she said, intrigued and looking to him now. "What's that about?"

As he caught her up on it, I found myself checking Wanda out without realising. She was animated as she listened to Y/BF/N talk about his assignment, eyes giving him all of her attention, and a permanent smile was fixed on her lips as she listened to him. Though it wasn't directed at me, I felt butterflies swirling a storm in my stomach and clutched it, hoping they'd go away. I loved and hated the feeling all at once.

Breaking me from my reverie, a football flew past all three of us and hit the bleachers, startling us all. We looked in the direction it came from and saw the football team looking back at us, some laughing and some disgruntled. Two players ran towards us and when they got close enough, I made them out as Pietro and Nate.

Nate was laughing as he looked between us all, before his gaze fell on me. "It's Y/N, right? I feel like I'm always throwing that thing at you. Sorry about that."

But his constant laughing and lack of guilt refuted his words. I merely clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes his way, not that he seemed to care nor notice. I was a mere fly in a world that revolved around him. He'd never notice.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were over here," he added, looking to Wanda. "You okay?"

Wanda crossed her arms and seemed frustrated. "I'm fine, Nate. Just get your ball."

He shrugged and grabbed his ball. Before leaving, he pressed a kiss to Wanda's cheek which made me wince, but she made no attempt in enjoying it. He didn't seem to care as he took off running back to his team. Pietro smiled apologetically at the three of us.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "He can be such a dick sometimes."

That was the understatement of the century.

With that, he turned and ran back to his team to finish up. Wanda sighed, running a hand through her hair, as Y/BF/N and I exchanged glances.

"I should get the car running," she said awkwardly, pointing a thumb over her shoulder and towards the car park. "Good luck with your assignment, Y/BF/N. And I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N."

Waving goodbye with an awkward smile, I watched her leave and wondered the same thing I always did whenever Nate decided to make an appearance in my life.

How could she be dating such a dick?

—

Apart from the birthday party I didn't go to, I'd never been invited (or had a reason to go) to Wanda's house. I'd seen it, rode my bike past it, but never actually been in it. So, when she invited me to her place to work on a project we'd been assigned in class, I was unsure how to feel. She was adamant though and I had no reason to say no, so the only thing left to do was say yes. Even when she offered to drive me there after school.

"This is your car?" I asked with disbelief.

I knew absolutely nothing about cars, but I wasn't blind. Hers was a gorgeous deep red colour with a convertible roof that was currently lowered so anyone in it would feel the sun on their back and wind in their hair.

"Yeah, you like it?" she asked as she got into the driver's seat.

I gulped and sat in the passenger's seat, throwing my backpack at my feet. "It's so nice. You sure you don't mind me drinking in this?"

I had a Pepsi bottle in my hand and was deathly afraid of opening it now in case I spilt it and the cleaning bill would be more than I made in a year at the pizza parlour.

She laughed, already pulling out of the car park. "Of course. Don't be silly."

I glanced in her direction, trying not to get distracted by how good she looked in the driver's seat. She was wearing a red leather jacket, funnily enough, matching the exterior of her car, and she had dark eyeliner around her eyes, accentuating the shape and colour of them and leaving me speechless whenever she looked my way.

"There's CDs in the glove compartment," she was saying as she focused on the road. "Or you can mess around with the radio. It's up to you."

"CDs?" I asked, it piquing my interest. I reached into the glove compartment, adding, "What is this, the 2000s?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, accepting my teasing, as I flicked through the small stack of albums.

"I don't know, I guess I just like having the physical version," she said with a shrug. "It's kind of like a collection."

I chuckled at her need to explain herself, watching the way she rubbed her neck nervously, smiling with embarrassment. Looking back to the albums, a particular one grabbed my attention and I plucked it out with raised brows.

"Oh my God, you like Paramore?" I asked, looking to her with surprise. "Now it's definitely the 2000s."

Her cheeks flushed as she grew flustered. I nudged her in the side gently, getting her attention briefly.

"I'm kidding," I reassured, tilting my head her way playfully. "I actually love Paramore. They're my favourite band."

"Really?" she asked with surprise as I put the CD in her car. I hummed in response, to which she continued, "Have you ever seen them live?"

As For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic played quietly in the background, I nodded my head. "Yeah, once. It was a few years ago, but the tickets were shitty and I could just about make them out on stage in the distance."

Wanda laughed, the sound making my heart skip a beat. "No, that's so sad!"

I chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. It was, but oh well. They have a tour coming up this summer, right? Maybe I can get better tickets this time 'round... what about you? Have you ever seen them live?"

She hummed, making a turn at some traffic lights and chewing her lower lip as she focused on doing so. It was definitely the wrong time, but I found myself admiring how attractive it was, especially when her jaw tensed and her defined jawline was on display.

"Yeah, I saw them a few times," she finally responded, pulling me from my stupor. "Some really good seats, some really shitty ones." She giggled at the end, making me smile. "Maybe we could go to that concert in the summer. If you're up for it?"

This seemed like one of those times where you made plans with a friend that you knew would never happen, so to not cause an awkwardness in the conversation, I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe."

She glanced at me and I mirrored her smile, the flash of excitement in her eyes knocking me breathless.

When we reached her house, I was awestruck at how big it was from the inside. I mean, it looked huge from the outside, but the inside was even better. Her family were rich, I knew that, but this was some other level of rich.

"Here, c'mon, I'll get you a drink, then we can go into the dining room to start," Wanda said, failing to recognise my amazement and instead leading me to the kitchen. "We have tropical juice, apple juice, water, Sprite, Cola... which d'you want?"

I settled at the island, taking a seat and subtly admiring her kitchen. "Er, apple juice is fine with me."

She smiled brightly before pouring me a glass, whilst pouring herself some Sprite. Standing opposite me, we both took a moment to have a drink, but didn't get chance to exchange words as her mum entered the room and noticed me instantly.

"Y/N, it's so lovely to see you again!" she said kindly, patting me on the shoulder before heading to the fridge. "You girls hanging out? Studying?"

"We have a project," Wanda filled in as I nodded in agreement. "We alright to claim the dining room?"

After grabbing some water from the fridge, Wanda's mum pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "Sure thing, sweetie. If you need anything, just let me know." Smiling once more at me, she said, "It's good to see you, Y/N."

"You too," I said with a friendly smile before she left.

"Come on," Wanda said, motioning for me to follow. "We have tons to do."

The next hour and a half was spent with Wanda and I planning out our project, our work sprawled along the dining table messily. We were making progress, until she got a call suddenly. It seemed serious as she gave me an apologetic glance and excused herself. I let her go and leaned back in my seat, wondering what I could do as I waited for her to return. That thought was resolved quite quickly when Pietro popped his head in the doorway and spotted me.

"Y/N! What an honour to welcome you to our humble abode," he exclaimed, entering the room fully. "What brings you here?"

Pietro's presence always brought an amused smile to my lips. "Wanda and I are working on a Chemistry project. She's just nipped out for a phone call."

He tutted dramatically, crossing his arms. "Well, well, well. We can't have that! Wanda needs to learn to entertain her guests. C'mon. I was about to head to the gaming room and could use the company."

I was visibly surprised. "You have a gaming room? Dude, that's awesome!"

He laughed. "C'mon."

Joining Pietro, the two of us headed to this so-called gaming room and I was not disappointed. There was a huge TV with a PlayStation and Nintendo Switch connected to it, a snooker table, a foosball table, a dart board, some old arcade games – it was amazing, any gamer's biggest dream.

"What you feeling, princess?" he said with that flirtatious smile of his.

I rolled my eyes playfully. He was being overtly flirty, more so than his sister was – was it a Maximoff personality trait or something? – and I wasn't sure whether he meant it or was just being his usual self.

"Are you flirting?" I deadpanned, tilting my head curiously. "I can't tell."

He pocketed his hands, swinging back on the heels of his feet. "That depends. Is it working?"

Despite my lack of interest in him like that, I felt my face heat up at the attention. "Pietro, I must tell you that any moves you attempt to make kind of won't work."

"And why's that?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the snooker table with a cheeky smile on his lips. "Am I not your type?"

"Unless you change into a girl, then no," I played along, making him flush with embarrassment. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm gay."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense," he mumbled to himself, before sighing and meeting my eyes. "We can still be friends, right? Or is that forbidden since you're already friends with my sister?"

I laughed and approached him. "Friends works. I don't think Wanda will care. I certainly don't."

He grinned. "Awesome! Well, d'you wanna play a round of foosball?"

"Sure," I said with an amused expression. "Bet I can kick your arse."

He pushed himself off the table and feigned surprise. "Oh? Game on, Y/L/N."

I didn't realise how long Wanda had been on the phone until I managed to get through three rounds of foosball and was in the middle of a snooker game with Pietro.

"You may have beat me at foosball, but you're terrible at this," he pointed out with stifled laughter.

I'd missed my third shot and it was more funny than it was embarrassing.

"Your talking distracts me," I said dismissively, before lining up the next shot with my cue.

He watched as I tried to take my shot before sighing loudly. I glanced at him with a quirked brow.

"You have a thought you'd like to share?" I asked playfully.

He hesitated, moving forward to correct my posture. "Look, if you just aim it like this–"

"Don't even think about it, Romeo," I said jokingly, standing up straight and pushing him away gently. "I know what you're thinking."

He laughed. "What? I was just going to help you aim!"

I gave him a knowing look. "So holding me close is just a bonus?"

"Fine, take your shot without my help and see what happens," he said dismissively, waving his hand.

"I'll do just that," I said with confidence, before bending down and taking my shot. The ball hit the other and neither were pocketed, which was an achievement as I'd got the cue ball in several times before, but still pretty shit as I didn't score any points.

Pietro smiled with satisfaction, leaning on his cue. "You happy with that?"

I held in a laugh as I looked to him. "Shut up."

He chuckled before bumping me out the way. "Now for the professional."

Bending down to take his shot, he pulled back his cue before hitting the balls. They rolled around on the table and one ball was about to go in, but I quickly grabbed it before he could get the point.

"Y/N!" he shouted between laughter. "That's cheating!"

"Technically we didn't establish rules," I pointed out, before moving backwards as he tried to grab it from my hand. "What do you say to calling it a draw and playing something else?"

"I say that's a childish way to admit you've lost," he responded, before moving forward quickly. I dodged his attempt and he pursed his lips. "Y/N."

"Pietro."

He smirked. "Seriously?"

I grinned.

He tried to grab it again and ended up chasing me around the room as I avoided giving in. Taking the piss out of Y/BF/N enough times had prepared me for moments like this, so I was able to avoid Pietro long enough to run into whoever walked through the door.

"Shit, Wanda, I'm sorry," I said between laughter, steadying both me and her.

She smiled with confusion, about to speak, but Pietro caught up to me and lifted me up, throwing me onto the couch before I could protest.

"No more cheating," he said sternly, as I lifted my head from the pile of cushions on the couch to look up at him.

"You're an arse," I said, pushing myself up off the couch.

"And you're a sore loser!"

We had a mini staring competition before the two of erupted into laughter.

"You're not half bad, Pietro," I complimented as he helped me up.

"Thank you, princess," he said, the flirtatious smile on his lips again.

I shoved him in the shoulder playfully before looking to Wanda, who was chewing on her lip as she looked between Pietro and I with an unreadable expression.

"So, what prompted you to leave Y/N alone for an hour?" Pietro asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, making me shove him away. He grinned at me before looking to Wanda.

"Nate called," Wanda responded carefully, arms crossed as she continued to look between us. God, I hoped she didn't think Pietro and I liked each other. That would be embarrassing.

Pietro scoffed from beside me, making Wanda sigh with annoyance.

"Don't start, Piet," she said and gave him a look which he seemed to understand.

By the sounds of it, Pietro didn't seem to like Wanda's dick of a boyfriend either. That was strange since wasn't impressing the brother the first part of being in a relationship with someone? And they were on the same football team, so I figured he'd at least tolerate him.

"Are we alright to get back to studying?" Wanda asked, directing her stare to me. The annoyance she held for Pietro was still present in her eyes and I suddenly felt nervous when she looked my way.

"Yeah, of course," I said, before giving Pietro a half-smile. "Rematch at snooker next time. Sound good?"

"Try to keep the balls on the table and we'll see," he teased, before nodding to Wanda. "You should get back to your project before Wanda kills us both with her deadly glare."

I smiled awkwardly, looking back to Wanda as she was indeed glaring at her brother. Clearly there was some sibling rivalry going on here, and I definitely didn't want to get in the middle of it, so I headed to Wanda, signalling I was ready to leave.

The two of us headed back to the dining room in an uncomfortable silence. I felt like I'd done something wrong and she was giving me the silent treatment which was strange. Then I figured it was probably something with Nate that made her annoyed, so didn't question it too much.

We sat back down and I looked at what we'd done so far to try and pick up where we left off, but then she spoke out of the blue, taking me by surprise.

"Do you like my brother?"

It was so abrupt that I took a moment to acknowledge it, blinking. "What?"

"Pietro," she clarified, saying it with such dismissiveness like it wasn't a big deal. Her attention was on the books before us as she continued, "Do you like him?"

I tried not to laugh as I shook my head. "No, Wanda. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But yeah, no, I don't like him like that."

She chewed her lip, nodding, but I swear I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. I hoped it wasn't the thought of Pietro and I that made her annoyed. I wasn't that bad, was I? I know she cared about her brother and was probably overprotective, but me being his girlfriend couldn't have been that bad, right?

We got back to work in no time, getting a lot done. I didn't realise how late it was getting until Wanda's mum poked her head in, asking if I wanted to stay for dinner.

"Dinner?" I asked, eyebrows raising with surprise. I checked my watch and realised how long I'd been here. "Damn, maybe I should head back."

"Nonsense, you must stay," her mum insisted. "Y/M/N won't mind. A daughter of hers is a daughter of mine."

"You can even sleepover if you want," Wanda offered, and I almost choked on my own spit. "It's getting pretty late."

I shook my head, forcing a small smile so they wouldn't get offended. "Honestly, it's fine. I can head back."

"Please?" Wanda asked with a hopeful expression. "It's the least I can do. I kinda wasted your time for an hour earlier..."

"I should ask my mum," I said, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

"Oh, I'll ring and let her know," Wanda's mum said breezily, before looking to Wanda. "D'you think you can clear your things up? Your brother is gonna set the table."

"Sure, mum." Wanda smiled her way as she left, before looking to me. "I've got clothes and a spare toothbrush you can use tonight."

I smiled awkwardly, nodding. Sleeping over at my crush's house wasn't how I thought I'd be spending my Wednesday evening, yet here we were.

[rollercoasterwords]

you are absolutely amazing i just don’t know how to put it into words & YOUR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE i’m taking it as inspiration for my own writing along w a few other writers :)

do you by any chance have any tips for someone trying out writing?

(ALSO HOW DO YOU MAKE EVERYTHING THE CHARACTERS FEEL SOUND SO BEAUTIFUL??)

ahhhh hello thank you so much!!!

i've talked about writing advice/tips a bit before in this post so u can go read that if you'd like i've never like...studied creative writing so i feel like a lot of the advice i have to give has more to do with vibes and mindset than anything technical. like the summary of what i've talked about in the past is just:

1 - no writing is bad writing because writing is like any other art where every bit of practice helps you learn more about your craft

2 - if your main motivation in writing is to have a huge audience consuming your work you will probably not find a lot of long-term fulfillment, especially if you're writing fanfiction. it's better to work on reframing your thinking around writing stories for yourself and posting them in search of community as opposed to an audience.

which like. i was talking to my sister about that second point last night because the thing is i hear a lot of people say "yeah but it's valid to want people to see and engage with the writing you post online" and that's true!! i'm not trying to say that it's not. but like. for myself, personally, if i posted my writing on ao3 and literally no one ever saw it and it didn't get a single hit, i think i'd be disappointed and dejected but at the end of the day i would still want to write my stories and i would still enjoy writing them because i am writing stories for myself, that i want to read. and because that's my mindset going into it, posting on ao3 is more like...hey if i get a few people who connect with my stories and engage with it and want to talk to me about it, that's such a cool bonus! i'm not viewing it as a numbers game or placing my self-worth as a writer in how many people click the kudos button, because at the end of the day it's so much more meaningful if a single person reaches out to me and is like "hey i want you to know this really resonated with me!" versus if like. a hundred people click a button, y'know?

when i think about myself as a younger writer and when i think about the influencer and consumer culture that is so pervasive now, i think it's probably really easy for new or young writers to get caught up in the idea that anything you post on the internet has to be a numbers game and if you don't get a certain amount of hits or likes it's easy to get discouraged, which is why most of my writing advice really comes back to trying to reframe your mindset around seeking connection whether than an audience! in the long-run, it's a much more fulfilling way to go about sharing something as personal as your writing online

other than that my main tip is just to read!! read and write down quotes you like and think about why they stick with you. i genuinely think a lot of my confidence in my writing ability comes from just reading all the time to the point where now when i write if i read it back and it feels like a book i'd enjoy, i know i'm happy with it.

and for feeling descriptions....hm i'm trying to figure out how to put my thought process into words. i guess like. something to experiment with is rather than centering the feeling itself to like. talk about anything BUT that feeling. like talk about things the character is doing, or use a metaphor to talk about the feeling without actually naming it. i am probably not describing this well lmao but like. ok an example from thtf - in the scene in ch 49 right after marlene and peter escape the death eater attack, when peter is asking marlene whether she's afraid of dying - i wanted to convey that in that moment marlene is feeling fearless, high on an adrenaline rush, untouchable, bold, etc. rather than focusing on feeling words though i was like okay what's a dramatic example of something that someone could do who is essentially feeling like a god rn. so instead of writing "marlene is fearless" i wrote "marlene could eat the stars." like to me that just feels a lot more vivid, y'know?

anyway this got very long but! that is my best shot at writing advice from someone who is mostly just running on vibes lol

[cyber-viper]

hi! i saw your matchups were open /I'm a sucker for em/ and I was wondering if I could get a romantic twisted wonderland matchup :>

my birthday is January 27th ｡>﹏<｡★ !!

hobbies/interests. anime/manga,thrifting,writing/reading,true crime,music,fashion/makeup, I've been meaning to pick up photography again, piano,video games,singing and dancing!

habits. putting things on my head (like random bows or hair clips I find), tapping my fingers when I'm getting too much anxiety, pacing back and fourth/talking to fast, saying uncanny/creepy things- doing things aggressively when I am hyper (like imagine those tiktoks were they r like "YOU LOOK GOOD" yeah that's me), hiding behind people in public.

in general I am a pretty cheerful and friendly person. I am a huge introvert in-public, I get anxiety ( I start stuttering,sweating and breathing fast) it's worse when I have to speak to people, So I usually tap my fingers to calm down. I'm pretty socially awkward, I can't really start a conversation with just anyone and I just sit there and stare or figure out something kshbdie. Though when you really get to know me, I am really talkative and goofy. I love cracking jokes and having a good laugh, overall a good time. I can be a very big clutz, I either hit my head on stuff or trip over something (mostly the air). around my friends, I am the therapist/mom/fun friend! usually people come and ask me for advice or vent. I like cracking flirty jokes with my friends, and I sound like a pervert sometimes >_< . I also am kind of boy-crazy? like I see a cute boy and I start freaking out- I'm just gushing about them, same thing with females- I am just a big simp though,I GET VERY EMBARASSED easily and flustered. I would say my bad traits are that I am blunt. I can be really truthful and hurtful in what I say (depending on who I talk to). I get angry too easily sometimes, I don't lash out or anything, I just shut down and kick around things (if it's at someone- I glare at them), this also makes me kind of mean, like i start insulting . not vocal whatsoever in how i feel, my emotions r like not going in the open. I say uncanny things sometime, like randomly- I don't know why? I just say weird things to get a reaction out of someone ( I randomly asked my sister what it's like to get knocked out by a stalker. yeah.) eerr i can't take a joke, depending on how it sounds. If it's like, "your dumb y'know?" with a certain tone, then I start getting mad and talking back. I'm pretty dense at somethings- it's hard for me to catch on irl.

redflags. they are controlling/tell me what to wear/what to do, is too jealous (like they get easily jelly), talks about there friends in a badway (shows me ur twofaced.) , expects constant communication, not willing to view from another persons perspective

greenflags. honesty, understanding, they ask my opinion on things, respects boundaries (abigone), supporting, they have a general good status among others, not afraid to be themselves.

my own redflags. I ghost people for a few days and come back like nothing happen (sometimes), expect others to do what I think is best on certain things, insensitive to others when I am blunt.

my green flags. I am a good listener/understanding, patient, respect boundaries, communication, not easily jealous, try to put myself in others shoes.

my favorite school subject is english and I am an Introvert.

hope this was enough!! take ur time <33

@marii-e I match you with Vil Schoenheit!

I think Vil would love to feed your interest in fashion and makeup by allowing you to part take in trying products and brands he likes or has to try out. Eventually once his trusts build up he may even be happy to let you do his makeup every now and then.

He’d also let you practice your photography by taking photos of or with him.

Once he learns how much you like putting little clips and accessories in your hair he would definitely be on the look out for any pieces he feels are beautiful and elegant enough to gift to you to wear

I feel like he would be very good at reading your body language and learning your nervous ticks. He may need some time to learn what to do in those situations but he will be quick to learn for your sake

He’s very amused when you get very hyper and start shouting compliments at him. Though sometimes it can get out of hand if Rook is around as well and you both feed off the others chaotic energy in complimenting and such

When times come where you both are in conversation with others, especially strangers, he mostly takes the lead in the conversation for his own interest and to help ease your panic over the situation

He is very enchanted in your change of character once you feel comfortable. you go from quiet and nervous to a bit chaotic and even flirtatious. The first time this side of you truly came out he was a bit taken aback however he didn’t dislike it at all and happened to really enjoy your banter like this

He certainly wasn’t pleased to know how flustered and such you get when other pretty people are involved. However once an occasion happened where he noticed he affected you the most all his distaste for this trait nearly left him. Not only was it proof that he was still number one to you, it also was an example of how truly beautiful he was and that was something that convinced him that it wasn’t a thing to be jealous over

a struggle, especially early on in the relationship I feel, is communication and specifically making sure joking or teasing statements are perceived as such and not taken seriously or hurt your feelings.   It’s something that will have to be worked on but it will end up fine

Vil has a certain image he upholds for himself and while he may have a nice time dressing you up or doing your makeup or skincare, he still appreciates you for who you are. Once he figures out his mind and figures out that the message of you having the confidence and self worth to be authentic to yourself isn’t something he’d ever want to change about you.

I think Vil is someone who especially would need a relationship where both parties can live their lives independently as well and doesn’t rely on constant spamming of contact. So having a partner who holds those same values or is understanding of that is key.

A/N: I hope you like this matchup! please let me know if you are dissatisfied or need clarification for anything I said :)

[xpao-bearx]

《This story series is also on my AO3 acc @ Paoloca》

SUMMARY: The bachelors of Selphia conjure up a plan to decide who truly deserves the beautiful princess' heart...if Frey can only choose one of them, that is.

PAIRINGS: Frey x Vishnal, Frey x Kiel, Frey x Doug, Frey x Arthur, Frey x Dylas, Frey x Leon (Polyamorous Ships)

RATING: Mature/18+/Romance & Smut. Please bear these in mind if you are uncomfortable and do NOT report!

NOTE: I have been an avid fan and lover of the Rune Factory series for a looong fooken time now and with RF 5 coming up (who else can't wait?!?!) along with my bursting inspiration, I decided to do something a lil special~ 💖

This story is actually one I wrote--or at least TRIED to write as I didn't finish it--many years ago on my old Wattpad acc (I have a new one now). As such, I'm taking the basic plotline from the original idea I had and simply making it a bit better especially now that I'm older + more mature (pfft yeah sure "mAtUrE" xD).

I sincerely and deeply love ALL of the amazing bachelors on RF 4 and as someone who absolutely ✨A D O R E S✨ reverse harems, I really *personally* don't think that Frey has to choose! And so, here's a naughty + sweet story that'll kinda just delve into my--and I'm sure others'--fantasy ;)

I hope ya lovelies will enjoy this story series and your wonderful support is always very much appreciated! 🥺💕💕 Also, feel free to fangirl/fanboy with me anytime~

P.S. Please forgive mah pathetic ass in advance if I ever portray any of the characters wrong, I promise to do my best!!

"The Princess' Harem"

Part 1: The Game

☆ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE TALENTED ARTIST☆

Summer 1, the dawn of a sweltering season. But most of all...

Beach Day!

Ah, yes, a most wonderful holiday to take a dip in the refreshing water and don the most attractive swimsuits that perfectly hugged one's form! And while it was understandable for the gentlemen to gawk and admire the lovely ladies, it seemed that all the bachelors of Selphia were completely ensnared by one warrior princess in particular...

Frey's tinkly laughter carried in the air as she happily swam around in the lake with the other girls. It was certainly a gorgeous day, yet none could quite rival the turquoise haired beauty's radiant smile.

"Haa... The princess is SO beautiful~" Vishnal sighed dreamily, his violet eyes turning into hearts.

"A goddess among mere mortals!" Kiel piped up cutely.

"You guys are so lame! But, uh... Y-Yeah, I agree, I guess." Doug conceded, face flushing as scarlet as his hair.

"I am a man, after all. Therefore, I must say I agree as well." Arthur cleared his throat, propping his glasses.

"You are all perverts..." Dylas grumbled, though he couldn't help but shyly sneak a peek at Frey.

"My, my~ You're such a bad liar, horsie. Calling us perverts when you, yourself, are one~" Leon chuckled, smirking.

"Who're ya calling horsie?!" Dylas snapped, but couldn't start an argument when all of them heard a splash and saw Frey emerge onto shore.

"Princess!" Vishnal beamed, not wasting a single second as he dashed towards her with a towel much like an excited puppy. "Are you done swimming?"

Frey gratefully took the towel, wiping her drenching body with it. "Yes, I am! And once I change into my clothes, I'm going to be checking the requests."

"You're ever so diligent, Frey. I truly admire that about you." Arthur smiled as he and the rest of the boys approached their beloved girlfriend. Arthur's glasses then flashed as the sun reflected on them, and he quickly grabbed that splendid opportunity for his gaze to drop and hyperfocus on Frey's nearly naked body. He barely managed to suppress it as he almost shamelessly licked his lips, fully taking in and very much appreciating her wet and fit physique.

"Oh, it's nothing! I'm only doing my duties." Frey giggled, embarrassed as her cheeks tinted pink. "But other than that, how come you guys aren't in your swimsuits? It's boiling!" She frowned worriedly.

"Why, is milady that eager to see me in all my glory?" Leon purred, standing in front of her in a flash. His teal eyes sparkled mischievously, as one of his hands reached forward to run his fingers through her long hair. "If you want to see me that badly, I'd rather 'perform' a private show for you tonight~"

Frey became as red as a ruby, opening and closing her mouth repeatedly like a fish out of water. She tried to speak, but no words came out as she could only stare up with eyes as wide as dinner plates at an amused Leon who was enjoying this situation far too much.

"Oi, knock it off!" Dylas growled, wrapping a protective arm around Frey as he glared sharply at Leon. "She's gonna go fishing with me after she's done, anyways!"

"WHAT?! No fair, you can't hog her all to yourself! If you guys are going fishing then I'm going, too!" Doug huffed, snatching Frey away from Dylas.

"No way, you dumbass dwarf! You're not invited!"

"Well, I am now, you fucking nag!"

As the two handsome idiots bickered like an old married couple and fought over Frey, she could only release an exasperated sigh. Honestly, she loved them both, but there was really no use trying to talk any sense into them. The best anyone could do was just wait it out until they inevitably get tired.

But as Doug and Dylas were yanking Frey from one side to another like a ragdoll, they suddenly stopped. It seems that everyone else halted, too, and the air blew bitter cold. Frey, oblivious, could only raise a brow before she finally realized--or more like felt--what all the boys were staring at.

She looked down, Doug and Dylas' hands accidentally cupping each one of Frey's breasts. All of the boys were a thousand shades of crimson, and Vishnal even started to have a nosebleed.

"ACK! S-Sorry..!" Doug and Dylas exclaimed in unison, abruptly pulling their hands away as if they were burned.

"O-Oh, uh, it's f-fine..!" Frey stuttered, not being able to meet anyone's gaze. "I-It was just an accident, after all!"

"Are you sure you're alright, Frey?" Kiel asked, holding her hands into his gently as he studied her face in concern. "These lowlifes didn't hurt you, did they?" It was rare for Kiel to be angry let alone badmouthing anyone, but it was clear from his tone how upset he was. Honestly, Doug and Dylas were a little scared...

"Y-Yes, I'm alright!" Frey nodded vigorously, smiling brightly. "Seriously, guys, don't worry about me! I'll see you all later, okay?" She hurriedly gave each one of them a chaste peck on the cheek before making her way back to the castle.

"So..." Leon began, a fake smile plastered on his lips as his eyes held no emotion. "I wonder who the true perverts are now?"

"H-Hey, it was an accident! Besides, it's all this moron's fault!" Dylas retorted, pointing an accusatory finger at Doug.

"MY fault?! If you just invited me in the first place, none of this would've happened!" Doug shouted furiously.

"You guys...touched...the princess' b-b-breasts..." Vishnal muttered, totally lost in his own world as he was slowly deteriorating from existence.

"Oh, my..." Arthur let out a heavy exhale. "I'm sure you two already know this, but as soon as Frey is done with her tasks then you both must apologize to her again. Accident or not, it is completely unacceptable for a man to touch a woman without her consent."

"Hey, y'know, I've been wondering..." Kiel cut in. "Do you guys ever think if Frey is just being strung along by us?"

"What do you mean?" Doug frowned.

"Like, didn't we confess to Frey at different times? And at every confession, she rejected all of us. And later on, it was only then we found out that we all shared the same feelings for her."

"So, what's your point?" Dylas pressed.

Kiel sighed, staring pointedly at the taller man. "Don't you find it a bit weird that now, we're all in a relationship with her? I know that being in a polyamorous relationship with Frey was something we all consented on from the very beginning, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Isn't it obvious? Being in a polyamorous relationship means that Frey likes all of us at the same time, which is fine. Maybe she was just too shy at first to admit it." Leon shrugged.

"That may be true, or...what if she's only with us out of pity?" A wave of realization washed through everyone, and a certain pang of sadness settled in their hearts. "Frey is such a nice person, it's possible she only agreed to be with us since she felt bad for rejecting us. And now, she doesn't know how to break up with us for fear of hurting us even more."

"There's also one other possibility..." Arthur spoke up. "What if she actually likes one of us, but can't exclusively date that person?"

Dead silence. Only the faint sounds of the lake thrashing and birds chirping, before Vishnal was the one who first woke up back to reality.

"So... What are we supposed to do?" He questioned softly. "I feel so terrible... If what you're saying is true, then I don't want to continue on like this. I love Frey, but I can't ever bear the thought of hurting her!"

"How about a game?" Leon suggested.

"Now's really not the time, foxy." Doug rolled his eyes.

"No, no. You've misunderstood." Leon shook his head. "I'm talking about a game to see who Frey truly likes or doesn't like. And that way, we won't have to be hurting her and suffering like this anymore."

"Hmm... An interesting proposition." Arthur hummed thoughtfully. "I don't quite like referring to this as a 'game', but colour me intrigued. What's your idea, then?"

"Alright. So, we each get one whole day to spend with Frey. Completely alone, and no one is allowed to bother anyone else. As long as Frey is okay with it, then we can do whatever we want with her. Going on dates, exploring...you get the idea. Finally, by the end of the week, we'll all ask her how she feels and who she had the most fun with. Her answer will then determine what will happen afterwards."

"Hmph. Okay, that sounds good." Dylas nodded, agreeing for once. "How can we settle who goes first and last, though?"

"I think it would only be fair if we go in the order that Frey met us. So it's Vishnal, me, Doug, Arthur, Dylas, and then Leon." Kiel offered.

"All in favour?" Arthur asked, and everyone collectively voiced out their approval. "Good. It's settled, then. May the best man win!"

"Speaking of, I forgot that the castle is undergoing construction! So please excuse me, I'll have to get going now!" Vishnal grinned, disappearing in a blink of an eye.

"Wait... I just visited Ventuswill earlier with Granny Blossom." Doug furrowed his brows before gasping. "That bastard..! He went to go have a headstart with Frey!" He immediately chased after the conniving butler, but not before his shoulder got bumped hard by Dylas.

"If anyone's gonna get a headstart, it's me!"

"Oh, shut the hell up, HORSIE!"

Arthur sighed deeply, rubbing his temples stressfully as Kiel only chuckled sheepishly. Leon simply watched the scene, his fan hiding his smirk.

'There is a saying: Save the best for last~' Leon thought satisfyingly to himself.

[the-slasher-files]

DIFFERENT PREDATORS - chapter 4

INCLUDES ANDREI KULOKOVA x XAVIERA LAH-MO

Loving writing for this couple so so much! This literally feels like a movie and it has over taken my life. In this chapter we get to look at feral Andrei in full form, which is so cool to write for. Just a warning it is very gory. Make sure to read part one, two and three.

Also please go read @horrorslashergirl oc Xaviera’s perspective on the chapter linked HERE

MASTERLIST

Soft breathes filled the room as both predators came down gently from their high. Andrei ran his tattooed palm along Xaviera’s naked shoulder she shuddered at his touch, her icy blue eyes were now a calm blue as she watched him light a cigarette with his free hand, blowing the smoke away from her in an unconsciously kind way. The wolf had taken what was his again from the world and it felt so right, better than any time before, and he was comfortable tonight, just laying together.

Looking back down at her his eyes were calm, and jaw ebbed of the tension and control, the wolf was down. She breathed slowly and strong, her soft skin gleamed with a fine sheen of sweat in the low light. She was the perfect prey.

“So… How was your first time?” He asked, taking another drag of his cigarette.  “everything you wanted it to be?” His cockiness apparent in his question.  

Xaviera took a moment with the question, maybe put off but his cocky ways like most but she hummed and replied with a flash of cheekiness “Mhmmm….Always pictured that my first time would be with a wolf. I guess I am more fond of feral beasts.”  

Andrei gave a huff of a laughter appreciating the many sides of her personality, she continued to match him whole heartedly. “Well aren’t you lucky.” He waited for her to continue but was comfortable in the silent pause, but noticed something in her eyes, she was looking at his cigarette that lazily hung from his lips. Andrei took a drag again but blowing the smoke closer to her to see if she liked the taste, “Would you like one?”    

Xaviera perked up at the question, and she took from his cheap Russian pack that he had offered up. Taking a slow drag she sighed contently, allowing the smoke to billow to wisp around her, framing her face. “Haven’t smoked since college. Sleepless nights full of studying.” Xaviera spoke looking up at Andrei through thick lashes and licking her lips.

“Y'know you look hot with a cigarette hanging out of those soft lips…” the wolf whispered, leaning in close to her face blowing smoke directly at her and capturing it in a kiss. He savored his favorite taste of tobacco and her sweetness with a hint of left over cum in the kiss the wolf moaned. Pulling away Andrei took the cigarette from her hand only to put his down in the ashtray and finish hers, a trait of the beasts playfulness. “You shouldn't smoke.. its bad for you” he smiled.  

She smiled in return and rubbed her nose on his own as animals do in affection.  "I know.... That's why I gave up smoking after college." she told Andrei, looking up at him from under her eyelashes.  

Andrei was breaking slowly and surly like a house with a cracked foundation and she was seeping through the cracks. He nodded “you must have a good strong will then myshka.”  

Putting down the cigarette in the ash tray one of his large hands rubbed her side while the other interlocked with her small hand, watching intensity as the wolf engulfed her hand with his. Bending the top of his fingers on hers, pulling away slightly and letting her trace his tattoo. Andrei kissed her forehead, closing his eyes trying desperately to be ok with the intimacy.

“When you lived most of your life among creatures that could kill you in a matter of seconds, you have to be always careful. Never underestimate someone by appearance. That’s what my father used to tell me…” she found herself telling him.

Andrei tightened his grip on the small woman, holding her close and telling her it was ok. He too had learned the same listen; His uncle was a paranoid mess, worried of anyone and putting fear in the hearts of Andrei and his sister at a young age, that absolutely anyone could rip them apart, mentally and physically. Then the fear only grew stronger as Andrei went to the army, undercover with some of Russia’s most dangerous people, no matter that their size. He learned to not be surprised with it anymore.

Humming and listening to the vulnerability, appreciating it. “A wise man” Andrei whispered into her white hair, letting her continue and taking in her sweet smell.

Xaviera bit her lip as she was compilating if she would continue. She was so cute when she bit her lip. Tugging at the stony heart people had created for him, but the way she curled into him, and the soft soothing voice made him feel at home. Xaviera saw through his beastly ways and saw the man underneath.

“Yes, he was. He always knew what to say and how to solve any problem…If it wasn’t for him…I wouldn’t have been here today.” she tells Andrei, curling her body against his much bigger one, seeking protection and comfort in a silent way he was more than happy to provide.    

Andrei pulled in a deep breath, considering to tell her his family life as well, but he paused. The wolf biting his neck forcing him into submitting but he brushed it off. Who knew if he was even going to see her again. What did it matter.

“My.. uh, my dad was killed when I was young boy, just leaving me, my uncle, sister and..” his breath hitched slightly “my mother…. but um.. she was murdered when I was 12” Andrei shifted uncomfortably with his vulnerability, but tugged her close as a form of comfort, something he did with his sister growing up.

“She must have been a wonderful and beautiful woman... My mother... S-She was killed too... A-Along with my father.” she began to tell him with a shake in her voice, a breaking predator in his large hands. “My father was killed by poachers in a trip to Africa….Me and my mother run…B-But….She saved me….Giving her life. T-They killed her too…..She hid me into the hallow of a tree….A-And after they left her body…..T-The hyneas….T-They devoured her….They ripped her face apart.” Xaviera began to cry, walls tumbling down around her and allowed Andrei to pick up the pieces.

“I had to watch until she was a mess of flesh and bones.” she choked on a sob, her face buried into his chest. “I-I was so weak.” she breathed out.

Andrei’s heart was ripping and tearing as she shook, telling him the horrors she had been through. A deep part of his soul sympathizing with her; they had both seen the mangled, broken corpses of their mothers, with a beast looming over them. Unfortunately, Andrei was the beast in his story, but he wasn’t going to tell her now, that was for a different night.  

Feeling the deep sobs and broken words spilling from her sweet lips he held her strong and instinctively, wanting to protect her. “ssssh… little one…” Andrei pulled back slightly meeting her red eyes, cupping her jaw and wiping the tears away. “It was never your fault… Beasts take and take from this world with greed, no mercy… and it is no one’s fault” Andrei’s soul was reassuring himself more so than Xaviera at this point, and he glanced at his tattoo, reading it, the words ‘NO GODS’ screamed in his head. He wanted to blame god for what he did, what had happened, what he took from him, but the true danger was people. Not the beasts. There were no gods to blame.

Her gaze met his in a soft reassurance. “That’s why I hate most humans so much….Humans call animals beasts but they are the ones.” she whispered, letting the last tears fall down her cheeks. “Animals aren’t greedy, vain… They do it to survive…. Humans are conducted by their avarice.” she spoke, taking one of his big hands in both her tiny ones, bringing his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles, then her eyes drifted to the big scars on her thigh.

Fuck, she was killing him. Speaking his brutal but beautiful language. Her gentle affection was something new for him, something no one had ever shown the wolf, but he liked it, he could learn this gentle nature from her.

“I got this one from a mother Grizzly. Me and my dad encountered the cubs first and because I was young and foolish… She attacked me….. My dad saved me, but the Grizzly left a souvenir.” she spoke, looking from the claw marks to Andrei. “I learned not to be afraid of the wild animals… But also respect them. Respect what can kill you.” Nuzzling into him like a little cat.

Andrei’s eyes widened at the thought of a grizzly coming after her, she was so small but so tough. Xaviera held the quiet power of beasts within her but covered it in a gentle grace, something he was less than skilled at.

He took his free large hand and brought it down to her thigh tracing the scar like it was art, Xaviera shivered at his touch. Bringing his lips to her forehead he spoke “Well thank you for respecting me” he laughed, trying to lighten the deep moment.

She snorted and rolled her blue eyes at his smug joke, "Yes, yes. I respect you, all high and mighty Alpha Wolf." She cheekily told him, one of her fingers scratching under his chin playfully, like one would do to a dog, he just shook his head at the playful endearing energy she had.

"Just don't step on my tail or I am gonna bite your precious jewels off." she whispered against his lips, her blue eyes glinting. Andrei’s eyes went sharp again at her words, ready to pounce at her again. He took her lips in a deep kiss, grinning at the end and pulling away, sexual thoughts filling his head with the mention of her mouth being that close to his manhood.

“Go ahead and try it precious kitten” Andrei rolled Xaviera on top of him now, placing his hands on her hips for a moment until bring them to the sides of her neck, the wolf inside wanted to turn the action deadly but he inhaled and brought her down into a kiss again.

She kissed him back as he did, her small hands moving to touch his bigger ones that were rested on her neck. “I love it when you touch my neck.” Xaviera whispered into the kiss, her thumbs stroking his knuckles.

The wolf wanted to take her over and over again by the way she would speak to him, letting a fire and holding it strong within him, but he needed to relax. She was so small, so tempting, bones so easy to break under his hands.

His jaw tensed as his fingers went tighter around her throat, not enough to choke for Andrei controlled himself. “Be careful with those sweet words baby girl” he whispered back feeling her breath hitch slightly under his fingers.

"You know..... You are the only one who has ever touched my neck and survived." she whispered, looking down at him, cheeks dusted by a furious blush from their position.

His brow raised and the signature smirk came back to his face “there is still time darling” he silently laughed appreciating her wild side. Swiftly and expertly Andrei rolled her again, pinning her beneath the beast of a man. Moving close to her face, cigarette stained breath ghosting over her Andrei kissed her again leaving her breathless once one as he pulled away “Well thank you for letting me live… for now” he smirked and got up from bed going downstairs.

Grabbing the 2 mugs of hot tea Andrei surveyed the cabin one last time for potential threats, an instinct he could never lose. Making it into the bedroom Xaviera had her head buried in the pillow which made him confused, the soft side of him tugging to know what was wrong and the wolf breathing down his neck to strike while she was vulnerable.

“Everything alright?” Andrei asked putting her mug down and getting into bed with his own mug, running his hand down her shoulder.

"Yes... E-Everything is alright... Just... Thinking." she replied, avoiding his gaze at the end and nibbling on her lower lip, a blaze of blush creeping up her features.

Andrei saw that blush again, a sight he could get used to seeing. Then that lower lip bit, ugh, she was breaking him. But he just nodded and sipped his tea watching the snow fall out the windows, his soul still wanting to run free but his heart was being caged by the beautiful woman in bed with him. Another fight to be had within him.

“Thinking… about me?” Smirked turning towards her “Don’t be sly… I’m beginning to know that beautiful blush well baby girl.” he teased with the prey as she choked on the words he spoke. He was under her skin and he reeled in it.  

"I-Its not like that! I mean... You were amazing and I loved every second of it... Its just.... I never shared...a moment like this." she spoke, looking down at the cup of tea in her lap.

He smiled at her innocent nature. “I’m just teasing myshka, it was a joke…” he hooked two large fingers under her chin making her look up at him. “But I was right.” He huffed only for her to glare at him, the blush still present.

“Still a knucklehead.... Don't make me throw your ass in the snow." she told him, taking a sip of her tea to hide her smile. Setting his tea down on the nightstand, the fingers under Xaviera’s chin moved along her jaw sweetly.

“And still a fierce kitten” Andrei’s fingers laced within her white hair and kissed her again. Xaviera closed her eyes as he kissed her, her tongue running along his bottom lip only to shyly start sucking on it, her eyes opened, looking into his own, challenging him slightly.

Andrei’s eyes went sharp again, “well you learn fast.” He grinned licking his canines, the hand within her hair tightened in a fist, he wasn’t gonna be that easy with her anymore. Crashing his lips against hers again roughly his tongue explored her mouth and fought with her tongue, savoring the taste. Without even looking Andrei’s one hand moved down her arm, taking the tea and reaching over her to put it on her nightstand which in turn was pinning her beneath him again. Biting her lip hard enough to draw a little blood he pulled back, knowing what the copper taste would do to him, he moved the kisses along her jaw and to Xaviera’s so sensitive neck.

"T-That's not fair... Y-You know my sensitive spots... A-And I don't know yours." the prey breathed out in a shuttering voice.

He grins against her, brushes the sharp teeth of the wolf along the delicate bruised skin he created. “A predator never just tells you their weak spot..” he pulled away looking her deep into her glimmering eyes “you of all people should know that, darling”

"I-I...." the prey stammered, blushing hot at his words.

Andrei stopped at her stammering words, she was embarrassed and shy beneath the wolf. He moved a large hand to stroke through her white locks and he rested his forehead on hers like animals show affection. “Ssshh.. little mouse… I will not hurt you.” The wolf couldn’t promise that, he knew that, but he never wanted to. She was different, she was an animal just like him.

“I-It’s alright… You know… When I was in Africa I watched as Leopards mate. The males always bite the nape of the females. Not to kill her, but to assert dominance. I suppose that goes for humans too?” she told him in a quiet voice, biting on her lower lip.

His gentle grin appeared again, she understood him even with all his teeth, he hummed at her words “You are mine.” Andrei placed his hand on the side of her neck and deeply kissed her, grinding himself against her, but quickly rolled off and pulled her close to him again. A ever fought battle of animalistic urges and a gentle side.

Xaviera nuzzled her face into his chest, and humming. "All yours, Wolfy. All yours.... Considering half my neck is blue and purple." she said with a smile.

Andrei huffed a small laugh, it was an instinct for him, a carnal desire to go for the neck and it always had been. Her words lit him up, someone accepted it for once that they were his, even if it was just until the snow stopped. Looking down at her Xaviera was beaming with pride.

“What a cute little thing” He kissed her forehead and started to absent mindedly run one of his hands along the giant scar on his chest. Her eyes drifted to the scar his sister gave him but she never pressured him and that he was grateful for.

"Little with enough venom to kill 100 Men." she said with a devilish glint in her eyes, her lips pressed against his big scar.

He smiled at the power she had in those words, she could kill poachers with her gun and arrows but she could also kill a man’s heart, even if it was locked away deep inside. Andrei’s jaw tensed in the gentle affectionate nature she presented him with, no one had kissed his scars in fear of what he might do them, but she didn’t have fear of him. He just looked down at her beautiful blue eyes through her thick lashes.

“It is time for sleep myshka” he leaned down brushing his lips against hers “.. unless you want to go again?” He grinned licking his canines.

“As much as I would love to get frisky with the big bad wolf…. I have to rest. The blizzard will stop tomorrow morning and I will have to go…hunting.” She whispered, her hand brushing against his chest up and down.

Xaviera spoke sweetly but truthfully and Andrei pulled away resting his head on the pillow, his mind finally felt at ease here in the tangled sheets but the way she was rubbing his chest was starting a fire he might not be able to control again, so the wolf roughly grabbed her wrist and spoke “you might want to stop doing that then.. or else I’m not taking your excuses.” He let go of her, controlling himself again and running a large hand down her grizzly scars and settling there.

"Got it, knucklehead." she huffed, rolling her eyes. Respecting his inner demons and roughness. She pressed a kiss under his chin. “Good night, Wolfy.” she whispered, leaning her head against his chest.

Grinning at the new nickname he closed his eyes, this was one night the trauma and memories wouldn’t come, he was safe in his own head tonight and he could finally relax. Tension ebbed from his muscles and jaw feeling himself melt into the bed and into the body next to him. “Goodnight kitten”

Even if it was just for the night, he felt at home, a relaxation he had never known.

-----------------------------------------

The winter morning sun cascaded through the old glass of the cottage, his icy blues eyes opened softly and his hand stretched out, only feeling coldness surrounding him. Andrei was alone. Then there was a the closing of the door to confirm his suspicion. Her free spirit eluded him again.

“Motherfucker-” He cursed rushing downstairs and looking out the window, she was loaded up and ready to kill. A surge of protection came over him, and unfamiliar feeling in his heart he just couldn’t place other than he needed her. She didn’t know what else these poachers were involved in like he did, one of them was in the Ukrainian special forces, one similar to Andrei but lower class.

Getting dressed in his winter camo, throwing on his military vest loaded with ammo, knives, first aid and basically anything useful to get himself out of a jam. Placing his rifle over his shoulder and lacing up his combat boots, he finally placed on his mask with a deep growl. The one last thing that made him the beast.  

Stepping out into the cold winter he followed Xaviera’s tracks, leading up the mountain and twining through the forest. The wolf stalked for about two hours and that’s when he heard it a large truck approaching through the clearing just beyond the forest. He was close.

Running through the trees silently he waited, waited for her calling, the sniper rifle shots. Crouching low within the frost covered brush something he didn’t expected happened, the tires of the large truck exploded from a spike strip hidden in the snow. The little leopard knew some tricks, the wolf grinned from behind the mask.  

The first man stepped out of the truck and there was a sudden crack. The sniper rifle. “Xaviera” His trained ears perked as he listened to the sound and the vibrations, she was up on the ridge, hidden almost perfectly among the terrain, white hair flowing perfectly into the snow.

His icy blue eyes fell on the man who was bleeding lifelessly in the snow, the hot crimson melting the ice around him. The wolf’s eyes dilated and he growled with the second crack on the gun. His skin was crawling eagerly, his muscles stiffened and his mouth watered. Andrei tried to shake it off but the desire burned too hot.

Andrei... Breathe... If you go out there you will get her killed... Breathe... Wait..

So the wolf waited and watched from the trees, blue eyes sharp on the woman coming down the ridge closing in on the truck. He breathed. He contemplated showing himself, but her job wasn’t done yet and he could ruin it all. Xaviera broke the lock of the truck and opened the heavy doors with a large metal squeak falling into the forest.

There was her prize, a beautiful large snow leopard leaped out of the truck majestically, shaking its fur and running off just to the right of the wolf, they shared a quick glance at each other. It was a look of respect. Two different predators, one now free while the other was protecting, heart still chained to the woman by the truck.

Suddenly the wolf felt the hair on his neck stand and instinctively his muscles tensed, whipping his head to watch Xaviera. Something wasn’t right. A man appeared behind her. The wolfs eyes were dark, and sharp as the man grabbed her. His prey was slammed against the truck forcefully and she screamed in pain, that was a sound only the wolf wanted to make her make. No one else. She was his.

The wolf stood tall, imposing and threatening. Stalking through the bushes he heard the man talking to her but it was muffled by the blood rushing and the heart that pounded strongly within the wolf. A harsh breath left her sweet mouth as the man kicked her in the ribs. His jaw tensed, muscles flexed and contorted. Each footstep his anger grew and the snow seemed to melt under his fiery path.

This was the man from the special unit force Andrei knew well. Another shriek of pain cut through his ears as the man harshly pressed a boot on her ankle. His prey with downed and the wolf was going to take what was his. The sight of blood in the snow and dripping down his prey fueled the fire beneath the skin. He couldn't hold back the wolf any longer from its true power. It was over. Andrei was gone.

"... I know what you might be useful for" The man was on top of her now, speaking confidently, the prey cried as his disgusting hands ran along her thighs. Along his prey. She reared her head back looking to scream but there was no need, the wolf knew what to do. She was his.

The wolf lunged. Full power of broad shoulders and hard muscles. Teeth bared and claws out he tackled him off her. The man got to his feet but the wolf had power and speed, thrusting a hard fist right into his nose with a crack. The blood poured but it wasn't enough. He stepped onto his territory. Pulling the knife from his holster as the man stumbled back, the wolf stabbed into the flesh with a squelch, and twisted knife sadistically in the thigh wanting to hear the scream of pain. His desire still burned as the man dropped into the snow and the Russian pulled out the blade. He admired the oozing and flowing of the blood.

He wasn't done. He needed want was his. Towering above the man he kneeled on him, pressing his knee onto the delicate ribcage that seemed to crack with ease. The noise made goosebumps form along his skin as his large rough hands pressed around the man's throat. Squeezing and waiting.

Wait.... Wait for it.... Be grateful for the hunt... Wait for the end... It will come... It always does...

The man beneath him thrashed and writhed. Gasping and clawing. Managing to push the wolfs mask down only to have him mimic the teeth pattern. A full snarl infusing fear into the man's heart. The wolf could see it in his eyes. The precious tender fear, he was a master of. He was close. So close to the end as the prey stopped his attempt at life and accepted his death in between the jaws of the wolf. The last look was ecstasy. A sweet and yet bitter taste on his tongue as the soul departed beneath the wolf. He was gone. He took what was his in the snow.

As the pluse under his claws went flat, the attention was put on his other prey. His different type of prey. Dark eyes met her wide icy blues. Andrei was screaming not to dare to touch her but the wolf wanted more. Needed more. The prey swallowed down roughly, breathing slowly as the wolf was hunched and teeth were displayed. She didn't move. A smart one. He wanted to devour her fear but he pulled away and placed his attention back the corpse beneath him.

He wasn't done.

He came into his world and touched what was his. Spilled the blood that was his. He wanted more.

Standing, the wolf towered, large and strong he dragged the body away. Taking his kill how and where he wanted, and stalked into the snowy forest. His rage carrying the wolf where it pleased.

Seeing a strong, sharp broken branch on a pine tree, it seemed to suit the wolfs fancy. Lifting the man with ease and impaling him on the branch in a show of pure raw strength. In an animalistic urge he needed to see everything, hear everything and smell everything. The wolf stripped the prey as he hung. Checking for weapons and ammo that would please him.

The hot blood still oozing from his thigh, the desire ached for more. The wolf grabbed his blade again from his vest and in a swift motion he stabbed the prey in his chest, right in the middle and pulled down strongly to his navel. The hot crimson spraying on the wolf, he tasted it, savoring it sickly as he took the knife out. Intestines fell and melted the snow at his feet. The white ice turned a deep scarlet as the night fell. The metallic smell assaulted the wolfs senses, feeding every desire perfectly. He was grateful for this hunt tonight. He could do as he pleased.

With 2 hands the wolf tore the preys torso open, the sound of squelching entrails and flesh ripped through the forest, signaling the ravens to move in around him. With a thick hand the wolf reached inside the lifeless body, reaching the spine slowly and twisting, ripping it out as the body swayed. The wolf had taken what he wanted. He took rapaciously what he thought desvered with out mercy. Protecting what was his.

Breathe... Be grateful for this hunt.... you took what you wanted.... Breathe... The world made you this way... Breathe..

A sick snarl left his lips graciously as he looked at what he did. Turning to walk away the wolf nipped at his neck one last time and he turned, whipping his knife out and brutally decapitated the prey. The body mangled and wicked left in the snow for the scavengers to eat. He had taken what was his.

The blood was thick on his coat as he marched along the snow path, marching to the cottage, a siren song calling him back, her name in his head over and over again. The wolfs eyes sharp and dangerous as he set his sets on the cottage, warm light looming in the dark cold forest. The blood steamed and billowed around him. The wolf had a hunger. Only one could fill. The trail of scarlet dripped from his canines and claws, melting in the footsteps behind him.

The wolfs weight creaked along the front steps and he slammed the door open. There she was. He's final feast for the night.

"Andrei?" The prey asked, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, she stood there as he licked the blood from his canines.

She was wearing nothing but his shirt. His smell imprinting on that beautiful flesh. The wolf growled deep and low, seeing her bruises. They weren't his bruises, not his marks. He needed her. To make her his again. A carnal desire burned in his core. This would be a different hunt. A different end.

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

WARNING: Another NSFW chapter, though this one contains more plot.

NOTE: I apologise for taking nearly a month off from posting. Just haven't been in a writing mood. I'll be trying to get back to our regularly scheduled programme soon!

                                                  ~ o ~

The appointed hour had arrived. Rise watched Ai's face carefully as it was screwed up in concentration, trying to ignore the anxious flutter in the pit of her stomach. This situation was life-or-death, because if it went in a direction she didn't like she would probably want to throw herself off the nearest bridge.

"Well…?"

"Hmm… it's like… a shiny flower… butterfly… thing."

"What?!"

Huffing, Ai pushed up on her elbows a little more. "Well, what do you want me to say?! That's what it looks like, spread open like that!"

"Ughh, you don't have to make me feel like my body is weird! I'm doing this for you, remember?"

"Yes, and I appreciate it, of course," she conceded with a roll of her eyes. "But don't act like I don't have a point; that is what it reminds me of. I'm just being honest."

Now all Rise wanted to do was close her legs. But she had to ask one more question. "Does… does that mean you don't like it?"

"What? No way, don't be an idiot!" Crawling forward to look straight into her eyes, she whispered, "You're the hottest chick at Yasogami. Well, besides me." They both smirked. "And every part of you is beautiful, do you hear me?"

"Okay, okay," she muttered glumly, trying not to pout. "Sorry."

"No, no, I get it. Suddenly I'm the bitch whose opinion matters a lot because my body is the only one that gets really close to yours. Like, you're obviously going to be worried that I'm not into your body as much as you're clearly into mine."

"Geez, you don't have to put it like that, Ebi-chan. I'm not a pervert! I just… I really like my girlfriend, it's normal! Well… not that liking girls is."

Ai shrugged as she reached down to pet her fingers up and down over Rise's abdomen. They were on the tatami in the middle of their hotel room, the setting sun barely lighting up the walls, and Ai was still fully dressed whereas her girlfriend had fully disrobed, to give her the chance to examine her body at her leisure. It was a little weird, and she felt like a lab experiment, but she knew Ai had probably felt much the same when she was sniffing around her dick before. Fair was fair.

"I think it's pretty normal," Ai protested as her flawlessly-buffed fingernails teased through Rise's well-trimmed strip of pubic hair. Why was that not just hot, but somehow yet hotter because they were such delicate fingers?

"Mmhhh… well, I… I feel so guilty, still. Like we're sneaking around and doing something naughty."

Her lips quirked into another smirk. "Oh, we're definitely naughty. But sneaking around? It's kind of a social media blitz for you or whatever, so… either we're not doing that at all, or we are amazingly shitty at it."

"Shut up," she snorted, bopping Ai on the ear with her knee. It was the easiest thing to reach. "But um… I guess that's true."

"Everything's completely fine, girl," she told her in that extremely rare tone of gentleness that made Rise's heart pound double-time. "We're golden — it's Golden Week. Loosen up."

Snorting, she shot back, "I could have said that to you this morning." Ai rolled her eyes. "Y'know, when my finger was in y-"

"Yes, I get it, I get it." Her head tilted to one side, honey-hued locks pooling on the floor. "Did you like that?"

"Well… it was weird, and kinda gross at first. But!" she protested when Ai started to grimace. "I'd do it just to make you happy, even if it was horrible. And it wasn't, okay? I even…"

When Rise still hadn't finished that sentence after a few seconds, Ai wound up prompting her, "You even… liked it? Hated it? Give me something to go on here."

"No. It's too weird."

"Come on, it's just us. You gotta get used to trusting me sometime. Or don't, I guess."

"Are you… guilting me?"

"See? You already don't trust me." But when Rise pouted, she snorted and poked her in the tummy. "Just playing with you… but maybe also making a point. I know I'm kind of a bitch, but I'm trying to trust you despite almost outing me to the entire school. Can it start cutting both ways?"

Thoroughly chagrined, she whispered, "Well… that's not exactly what this is. But I get it. I'm just embarrassed and you know that, but I'll try to open up… if you do."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. So if I admit I thought it was pretty hot, watching you get all squirmy… will you admit that you liked me slipping a finger up there?"

Stalemate. Both of them were staring into each other's eyes, trying not to give ground. A perfect example that both of them were correct in their estimations of what areas they needed to work on. Eventually Ai took a breath and sighed, "Okay, okay, you're right. I just… it's almost like admitting weakness. Which is so dumb that I care, we should both be getting more comfortable with each other."

"Okay. Just this time, even though you didn't say it, I'll accept that as you admitting you liked it," Rise said in a slight sing-song. When her girlfriend pouted, she went on, "And I thought it was hot. Like, not the butt part exactly? But fingering you…" She could feel her cheeks heating up from having to put it into words.

"Yeah. I mean, I get that. Just because it's… where it is, doesn't mean you didn't fuck me right."

"EBI-CHAN!" she hissed in a scandalised tone.

"What? You did. I mean, now that we're being honest…" Ai still had to clear her throat, even if she was doing a better job of keeping an even tone of voice. "Your finger started hitting really deep — hit my spot, and it was all over. I've never, ever felt like that before. It was like my fingers and toes and nose and tits were all orgasming with me."

Rise had been gaping at her until the very end, when she let out a weak little laugh. "Nose and toes, huh? Wow. But I'm really happy I could help; I just wanted to make you feel good, and find out if that was one way we could do that."

"Definitely. Like, now that I'm past trying to pretend I don't need it." Ai squirmed a little. "Uhh…"

She sat up a little more, petting through her hair. And she leaned into the touch. Had she ever done that before? "Do you want me to do it again? Not right now!" she reassured her, and Ai relaxed a little. "But just, um, just in the future."

"I think so. Is that weird? You're my girlfriend, you shouldn't have to fuck me in the ass like a dude."

"Mm. Well, then I'll fuck you in the ass like a lady."

Ai giggled a little, crawling up to curl around her body. "I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm there. I'll offer you the same anytime you want."

"Oh, I think I'll be okay," she laughed easily. "I've never had any interest in that. Before! Before now. Wait — no, I still don't have any interest in having mine… d-do we really have to keep discussing this?"

"No," Ai told her with a slight smirk as she leaned in to kiss her cheek so tenderly that Rise briefly forgot that she was even nervous about the topic of conversation. "We could go back to talking about that phone call."

A brief pause. "So about my butt…"

"Come on, it can't have been that bad," she challenged her with a little snort. "You're just gonna keep being your fabulous self, and so will I, and Japan will join the fucking twenty-first century."

"Yeah, I just… talking about it… I'd rather focus on you, on us. On Okinawa! This is one of our last little flings — especially for you, senpai."

Clearly, that hint wasn't lost on her. She sighed and cuddled a little closer. "You're right. We should enjoy it while we can."

"Mmm, it feels like somebody already is."

"That's- it's an involuntary reaction! I was literally staring down the barrel of your pussy two seconds ago — anybody with one of these would have theirs sticking straight up, too!"

Voice the tiniest bit haughty, she said, "Well. I'm not going to assume anything, okay? I know you don't want me to… give you a little kiss down there… or caress with my fingers… or-"

"What a goddamn tease," she muttered.

"You love it." When Ai didn't answer, she grinned and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, pulling her in yet closer. They didn't really need any words anymore. As hard as it was to ignore that firm presence, given how unfamiliar Rise was with such things, she just tried to keep her focus on those sweet lips pressing against her own, on the warm back beneath her palms. On the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

That realisation bowled her over. Even though they had been trending in that direction, she had yet to truly think about their future together. Sure, they would have to list Ai as male in order to get a marriage certificate… or would they? Maybe they really shouldn't worry about it. Not being able to enjoy the same status as her straight friends would be frustrating, yes, but it wasn't the end of the world. As long as she could live with her lover and share their lives, that was good enough.

By the time they finally parted, Ai managed to breathe, "I want you so bad…"

Careful to keep her tone neutral, she whispered, "How?"

"Any way I can have you. I… shit, what the hell did you turn me into?"

"Then I'm all yours. You can… have my mouth again, if that's what you like. Or did you wanna go, um… go all the way?"

"I don't know!" she groused as she pulled at her hair. Not that this minor crisis was reducing her arousal any; it was still grinding into Rise's hip and driving her up a wall. "UGH! I want to be as close to you as I can, and that seems like the way, but I also don't want to be the 'boy', you know?"

Drawing her in for another brief kiss, she whispered, "You won't be. Not to me; you'll always just be Ai. My cute little Ebi-chan. I… do you want me to use my finger on you again? I'd love to! I wanna do anything that makes you happy!"

"I… kind of? But no, not right now. I want to make you happy this time."

"Oh." Rise felt another flush of shame, trying not to remember the very obvious fact that she didn't have a stitch of clothing on her person. "Well, um… I want what you want." Did she just give her permission?!

"Good. Then let me try, um… with my mouth. I'll probably suck, but hey, no time like the present to start practicing. Especially if I ever want to be able to do this right."

"Sure! Yeah, that's… that's the same thing I was thinking while doing it for you." With a slight squirm, she then lowered her voice to barely a whisper, "I'm just… I'm sorry if it tastes, or smells… you know…"

Ai lifted a hand to waft away such thoughts. "You'll be fine. It's you. I mean, even if you weren't the sweetest girl in the universe, you're still Risette; that label of yours wouldn't let you have some stanky puss."

Bright red. Like a stoplight. Even though Ai was saying hers wouldn't be so aromatic, the very idea of it meriting a word such as "stanky" made her want to take a bath with a toaster. "U-uhm… thanks?"

"Anytime, girl."

And that seemed to be all the warning she got before Ai was kissing her way down her chest toward a clear goal. This was it; she was finally going to get as good as she gave. Unless she thought of some legitimate reason to ask the teen queen to pull back… but her mind was a blank. All she could think about was those perfect lips dimpling the skin of her abdomen, the lusty gaze being shot up in her direction as she moved lower, and lower…

Lowest. She felt a kiss in her hairs and she couldn't entirely suppress an anxious squeak. Her eyes slid closed as one leg moved up to drape over her girlfriend's back, hoping that would somehow encourage her — prove that she was ready. Even if she wasn't.

"This alright?"

Oh no. Ai was calling her bluff; it was glaringly obvious how high her nerves were running. "Y-yeah… it's just really, um, new?"

"I get that."

Then Ai moved again, and Rise almost curled into a ball. "WOW! That's- you kissed my…"

There was a slight sheen on Ai's smirk when she raised up to look at her properly. "You are soaking fucking wet, Kujikawa. How bad have you been needing it?"

"I haven't been! Honestly, I'm- NNH, how are you doing this?!"

"Pretty easy," she shot back before leaving a long lick along the entirety of her vulnerable flesh. Rise reached down instinctively to grip the hair attached to that head that was giving her so much pleasure it was overloading her system. Did everybody experience this? Was she oversensitive, or was it normal to feel like every inch of her skin was on fire, like she was losing all control?

"God, this is getting me so hard," Ai breathed before diving back in. Which didn't help matters in the slightest; Rise already felt like she was losing her mind, and knowing her girlfriend was nearly as bad off only heightened her pleasure, making her want to roll over and rut on her face. Or…

Or go further. Ai wasn't ready, and she would respect that, but if just her lips and tongue were making her feel this phenomenal, what would it be like for them to really go for it? Uniting their bodies had to be just as good as taking care of each other in turn, if not better.

"NH!" she finally burst out when she felt the pleasure rising. "I'm… I'm about to- it's gonna happen!"

"Yeah?" Ai panted as she used her thumb to caress that tortured flesh, gazing up at her with glazed eyes. "That mean… should I finish you off?"

The volume at which the word "YES!" ripped from her throat left their ears ringing. Rise would feel embarrassed about that — later. When she had time. Right now, she was too busy literally dragging Ai's head back down to devour her anew, moaning as her hips rolled up into their point of union. A little more — and the way her tongue was hitting her clit was spurring her on faster, making it-

Ai brought her to the hardest climax she had ever experienced. Feeling this one made her realise she had been only getting close to a real orgasm all those years since she first began to awaken sexually; a real orgasm blew those pretenders to the throne out of the water so easily. Guess that was what she got for never truly masturbating, or finding anybody who could take care of it for her.

Once the most intense of those sensations began to fade, Rise started coming back to her senses. A few things surprised her: she felt the tatami suddenly pressing into her back, because she had lifted herself upward. Ai's shirt moved when she started pulling her leg back, because her toes had clenched so hard in the fabric. The same was true of her hair — which she let go of first, feeling a few strands come away with her fingers with a little flare of guilt that she hadn't been gentler. Her mind had literally gone somewhere else while the ecstasy overwhelmed. It was almost scary, but mostly just… damn.

"Whoa," Ai breathed simply. The whole experience had left both of them speechless. After swallowing and clearing her throat, she licked her lips before wiping them on the back of her hand and crawling up to hover above her girlfriend. "You okay?"

"Hmnah!" was the best she could do. Ai giggled, so she tried to do better this time. "Yeah!"

Grinning, she pressed her face into Rise's neck. "Yeah. I can handle that review, I guess. Still wanna know if I did anything stupid, though; like, this was my first attempt, I can't have been perfect."

"Oh… you… close to… heaven." She hadn't meant to say 'heaven', it just slipped out.

"Really? Well… good, that's good." Ai was kissing her neck a little more firmly, more frequently. It suddenly occurred to Rise that she could feel that bulge digging into her hip; poor Ai hadn't gotten off since that morning, even if she did get there twice.

"You… want help?"

"Huh? Oh, naw, I can ignore it. Don't even trip."

"But you… I wanna… I like your friend." She took a couple of breaths, finally beginning to fully recover. "What can I call her?"

"Annoying," she snorted, and Rise rolled her eyes while she grinned into her hair. "Bitch that won't leave the party."

Nodding, she kissed into her scalp and earned herself a little sigh of appreciation in return. "I like her. That doesn't mean you have to, or like… that you have to keep her or like her for my sake. But just so you know, we get along pretty well. I mean, for a girl and an, um, appendage."

"Dork. But thanks. And it makes me mad that we have to have this conversation… but I appreciate that you get it. That you can really, uh, want my D without forgetting that I don't want it at all."

"Yeah, of course. I might have been dumb when we first started out but I learn fast."

"You do," she agreed with a little squeeze. Rise wrapped her arms more tightly around her girlfriend, appreciating their warmth, their connection. "It's honestly refreshing. Like, I got so much hate when I came out… even from my own family. I had started to believe it was impossible to expect people to get me. Then here comes this prissy famous bitch."

Rise smacked her on the arm, which only earned a harsh chuckle. "Who's the bitch here, really?" But then she moved her hand down to her bulge. "Let me take care of this. Like, it doesn't have to be anything special, or… not unless you want more."

"Mmhh… annoying." But Ai looked away, biting her lower lip. Again, Rise questioned why she found watching that to be so hot but she tried to relegate that question to the back of her mind for the time being.

"What is it?"

"Your mouth is so good… fuck, I'm sorry. Like, that's a lot to ask, twice in one d-"

"You got it." When Ai just blinked at her, she shrugged bashfully. "I'd do that. I'd use my finger again, I'll give you whatever you want. As long as you're okay with me figuring out how to do it as I go, I don't mind! It's nice that we can help each other out."

Though it took her a second, she started to nod with a slight smile. "It is really nice. Weird, but like, I guess it's not since we're dating."

"Yeah," Rise giggled. "We're just not used to dating, right?"

"Mm. You're sure I didn't mess up while muff diving?"

"While WHAT?! Excuse me? You can't call it that!"

Smirking a little as she sat up and started to disrobe, she purred, "I can call it whatever I want, Risette. Now perform for me. Maybe I'll just jerk off onto your butt."

"NO! Ew, why would you do that when I- that's gonna be all sticky, we'd have to take another bath!"

"So what? The last one turned out to be a real event…"

"Yeah, for you! And you were definitely writhing and squealing all over the place!"

"Y-yeah, well, that was your fault!" she shot back as that ready-and-willing cock bounced out into the open air. "Maybe I'll take you up on your mouth just so you can't say mean things to me."

Rise pursed her lips for a moment before saying, "Maybe I won't be as careful with my teeth this time."

"Hey, don't joke like that," Ai said with a shiver. "I might not want to keep her but that is NOT how I wanna lose her."

"Then behave," she purred as she crawled toward her lap, rubbing her cheek against the warm length. "And I'll behave exactly the way you want."

Ai complied. She complied for the following ten minutes, and got exactly what the doctor ordered — because the alluring Nurse Rise was tending her every need. Five star service.

                                               To Be Continued…

[bow-woahh]

If you’re still doing the game, chapter 6 from the grocery store onward?

Send me your favorite scene/chapter from one of my works and I’ll post a DVD commentary on it.

ask and you shall receive!

Little bit of background info, this chapter is obviously part one of two, chapter six being it's better if I calm down, and chapter 7 being the rest of the line: it's better if I lash out. If you listened to the song full stop, you might have already known that lmao

I felt like these two chapters worked well being split into two parts (I mean imagine how long it would have been if it wasn't ... like no thank you) because of the overarching themes across them and most importantly, the plot line with her mom and the readers not knowing what's putting her on edge in chapter 6. It was so much fun to play around with and hint that there was clearly something bothering her. I think in my outline, before I found the official title this chapter was called "calm before the storm" because that truly is what it is, there's a lot of nice, fun moments, but it's clear there is something bad on the way.

Anyway, tangent over, commentary time!

They caught a bus to get to the closest grocery store, which was still a twenty minute journey away, so Catra ignored Diego for most of the ride, listening to music and texting Adora.

When I was originally outlining chapters and everything, the grocery scene wasn't planned in to this chapter (I just love giving myself more to do). I have a section in my outline document where it's kinda just a thought dump of things I want to happen possibly at some point, because I think it'd be cool or cute or whatever. This was one of those instances, and because this chapter felt a bit bare bones at first (the final product was not in the slightest) I added this in as it felt like a great way to introduce Adora and Diego and since Catra and Adora are still fairly early in their relationship here, it just worked so well, because they truly didn't expect to see each other.

“Hey, hi! I knew you said you were going shopping, but I didn’t think—well I guess it does make sense since you live in Alwyn but—”

Okay, time for context no one asked for! Bright Moon is the city they are in (obviously) and Frighton (the Fright Zone) is the neighbouring city. Bright Moon is kinda split into lower city, upper city and mid/center city (guess which kinda classes live where). Alwyn and Elberon (where Catra and Adora live respectively) are more lower city, so they are typically where poorer people live, though there are some nice places there I'm sure. Just not many.

Adora said, “Loser? Nah, Catra’s actually super cool, trust me.” She looked at Adora, properly, for the first time in a few minutes, and found her staring back at her with a fond smile.

Adora's piss poor attempt at flirting. Jk, but I do think this moment is v cute and I just love how Adora defended Catra, even though it's just her younger cousin being stupid. We love to see it.

Once again Diego beat her to it, opening the door and saying, “Sure!” before jumping out and slamming it shut.

[Context for this line: Adora asked if they needed help taking the bags out of her truck.] Honestly, Diego's really cute here. He really admires Adora and looks up to her so he's taking every possible opportunity to talk to her, and be around her.

“You know you could've left, like, ages ago, right Grayskull?"

“Yeah well,” Adora did that little shrug she always did. “I didn't mind.”

Narrowing her eyes for a moment, Catra said slowly, “Alright. Well, you can go now. And I should probably head in.”

She turned to go inside, when Adora grabbed her wrist. “Wait.”

Ahhh I love this whole section of dialogue so I had to talk about it. These two are just... useless. What I love about them, and writing them in specifically this, is the constant push and pull with them, how they can never just explicitly say whar they want, either in fear they'll be judged and rejected or because they don't even fully understand what they want to begin with. With Catra and Adora, as much as one can say something like "You should go" the other will always hesitate to, will always have something at the tip of their tongue that they're not quite saying, or like here, will literally tell them to stay, using words or otherwise. They want each other but aren't quite ready to admit it yet. And I just think that's beautiful.

Also the grabbing of the wrist and the "Wait"? Pretty sure that was an accidental reference to the "stay" scene in Taking Control but it's so ingrained into my brain I'm sure it was subconscious.

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

This line is just so... teenage romance vibes and I love it

Even though they had been talking nonstop for days now, and had seen each other just the other day, there was a palpable tension in the air, one that Catra wasn’t exactly sure how to deal with.

The said tension was definitely more on Adora's end than Catra's, because obviously, Catra is still hiding things (or more accurately, just not sharing them) and although Adora wants to pretend to be fine with it, the closer she gets, the more she wants to know what the truth is, she doesn't want to listen to the lies and rumours anymore.

Adora studied her face for a moment, before saying carefully, “Well, I, uh, have a ton of old gear I’ve been meaning to get rid of, but maybe you could ask him if he wants it? It’d be a good start.”

Catra hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “I'm sure he'd like that. I'll, uh, see what he says and get back to you.”

“Great!” Adora beamed.

Another little moment I love because Adora is just so considerate here and understands that Catra doesn't want to delve into things like money issues. She also gets Catra isn't one to accept handouts but the way she puts it isn't ‘let me help you out’ but more ‘you'd be doing me a favour’. Adora understands how she feels. She gets it.

“Why did he think you were texting your ‘boyfriend’ by the way?” Adora asked, and Catra felt her heart drop to her stomach. She hadn’t thought Adora had been paying attention to what Diego said (arguably nobody should ever pay attention to anything he says, ever) but of course she had, because once again, Catra had underestimated Adora’s observational skills.

“Because he's a stupid kid who doesn't know what he's talking about.”

Honestly Diego isn't that far from the truth he just needs to turn that 'boy' in boyfriend to girl.

Also the fact Adora is asking about this.... interesting. Catra's answer.....very defensive and also interesting. Once again they're so many unspoken words and subtext layered in all of this. It's like a tiered cake.

“That? Oh, nah. I don't—it's not really any of her business, y'know?” Catra replied, staring just past Adora’s shoulder.

Catra is replying to Adora asking whether or not Serenia knows she's a lesbian and, well, obviously what she said wasn't true. Well it was, technically, but she's ommiting the real reason. As I've already at least slightly portrayed, Catra has a complicated relationship with her sexuality, and I don't want to spoil it but that will definitely be explored more in the future, and Serenia definitely plays a part in it, being her guardian after all.

“I guess it was always kind of obvious. I never looked at guys the same way I look at girls—my first crush was some girl in like elementary, although I didn't realise at the time, and they just continued from there. I thought all girls had crushes on other girls at some point, that wishing I was a guy so I could be with them was what everyone did. When I realised they didn't, that it was weird, I spent all my time convincing myself I just wanted to be my celebrity crush and not be with them, until I actually kissed a girl for the first time. Then I couldn't exactly ignore it. I still tried to though. Especially when—well yeah, I tried to deny it for a while. But then, I guess I got tired. Of lying to myself.”

This whole paragraph is just... yes. No one has ever asked Catra how she knew, but more importantly, Catra has never wanted to answer this question, and if it were anyone else asking, she would have definitely shut it down, or answered with something short and simple. It's because it's Adora, and because she's growing more comfortable with her, to the point where she doesn't mind, even wants to share these types of details about herself. That vulnerability is even more important in chapter 7, so this was a stepping stone of sorts for her.

“So, uh, how about you? Not that I’m saying that you’re—but since you asked…” She cursed at herself internally when Adora's expression morphed into one of surprise, eyes slightly widening. 

“Oh, me? I, um—I don't really know. Is that weird? I just haven't ever really thought too much about it. I guess my main priorities are school, lacrosse, and work.”

God, it's in moments like these where I wish I wrote from Adora's perspective as well. Because there's a lot to unpack here. She's not lying when she says this, I do think this is partially how she feels. But, some could argue it's so obvious how much she likes Catra, and she's definitely admired some women before. So. I'll leave it at that because otherwise I'll say too much.

Quickly though, back to the what I said about writing in Adora's perspective... saying this here and here only because I don't know if it'll happen but I did have an idea to make a sequel of sorts, from her perspective. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

The smooth stream had been interrupted once Adora had asked if Catra's had any plans next week, with Halloween coming up. The relaxed, open demeanor that Adora had seen for the past few hours had almost instantly closed up again, and she could hardly focus on what Adora was saying anymore.

Now that Chapter 7 is out, why she reacted this way obviously makes a lot of sense, but to add more of a commentary to it, as we saw throughout this chapter she was trying her best to ignore her emotions about her mom's death anniversary because for once things were going well and therefore she had other things to focus on. Adora mentioning Halloween forced Catra to acknowledge it, along with the memories that come with her mothers death.

“Promise you won't ditch me?”

“I, Adora Grayskull, promise not to ditch you,” she said, hand on heart.

We love a good promise cameo.

“Did you really get kicked out? Of Horde High?”

Catra should have been expecting this to come up once again. It was bound to. With all the rumours. Especially when Sparkles seemed to be a fan with how she brought it up on Sunday.

I've already talked a bit about the rumours and how they arose in my chap 1 commentary, but really I wanted to talk about Glimmer here, since her scene was before the grocery scene and I have a lot to say about this one. Initially when I wrote it, the scene was a fairly quick altercation that kinda lacked a real punch, but after spending a little more time on it after my beta pointed some things out...it hit hard. I know there is a fuck Glimmer train at the moment because, yeah, Glimmer is pretty mean in that scene. And other scenes. I don't know why I love writing Glimmer as her S4 self so much, but it's fun to play around with okay? I like how she can take on an almost antagonistic role at times.

Glimmer thinks what she is doing is to the benefit of her own friend, by pointing out all of Catra's faults and the fact that she's from the Horde, but I also think there's a little jealousy there. No Glimmer doesn't like Adora, but she is quite a possessive friend, so I can't imagine she likes the fact Adora is spending so much time with someone she doesn't know, and to add to it, she's got the worst reputation in the school. So.

Catra thought back to the moment, and remembered what had provoked it, all the way back in eighth grade. “Yeah. I'd say they did.”

Exclusive for Tumblr gang only, but yes they did on fact deserve it because they called Catra the d-slur. This was during a time where she was really struggling with her sexuality so at the time, this cut deep.

As Catra lay in bed that night, she found her mind wandering back to Adora's handshake, how they had held on for just a little too long, mismatched eyes staring into blue ones. How such a casual touch had brought back that burning sensation, that need to be closer.

Ah...the handshake. There is literally no other reason for this other than the fact they are gay. This chapter along with the next are especially important for their development physically—they get a lot more comfortable touching each other in passing but at the same time they still have to find a reason to touch each other (hence the handshake). Either way, it helps break another barrier in their relationship, and this is even moreso the case in chapter 7. I don't know if you noticed, but that chapter is full of small touches and more, but they couldn't have gotten there if it wasn't for the little steps along the way.

Boy that was a long one! I hope you guys enjoyed this, I know I said chap 8 would be out soon but schools really kicking my ass, trying to find a balance is hard. Nevertheless, it will be out asap, I appreciate your patience! (: