#why do i feel like i'm screaming into the void
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Amazon needs to get their ass in gear and pick up Supernatural for season 16. they literally have Kripke, Jensen, Alex, Jared, Rob Benedict, and Jim Beaver probably Misha too if we're being honest already on their payroll so it really wouldn't be that big of a leap for them to take on the SPN revival.
Misha already said that they all want to do a reboot, so clearly that's not an issue. it's almost certain that they will make time to film it. and if it's a matter of buying the rights from the CW (if they even still own them), you cannot tell me that Amazon doesn't have the money for it. honestly they could probably buy WB as a whole if they really wanted to.
@primevideo what do you need from us? more reassurance that a Supernatural revival is highly anticipated and will be very successful and make lots of money for you?? bc lemme tell ya, it'll do numbers big time. i mean look at how popular the SPN conventions still are to this day, even 4 years after the show ended, and tickets for 2025 conventions are already selling!
chop chop time is ticking and those actors won't live forever!! this fandom will not let that godforsaken show die and be at peace until we get some damn closure and a well-deserved happy ending for our beloved characters
#what is the hold up#why do i feel like i'm screaming into the void#like hello is this thing on 🎤#spn#supernatural#spn reboot#spn revival#spn s16#misha collins#jensen ackles#jackles#j2m#eric kripke#rob benedict#jim beaver#amazon#prime video#the boys#spn meta#castiel#dean winchester#sam winchester#team free will#team free will 2.0#destiel#alex calvert#emily yaps
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#i don't feel like i have anyone to turn to and it's driving me nuts#i can keep screaming into the void on tumblr#but it's only making more obvious the fact that no one really gives a shit#the only person i trusted was my partner because they told me i could talk to them#but they're not a therapist#and the only thing they can do is go 'you know it'll pass right'#baby that's a nice feeling but it doesn't pass for everyone#like#people kill themselves over that shit#just because i survived until right now doesn't mean future me isn't going to just give up#tomorrow in a week next month#i don't even know why i'm alive right now bc god knows i dont wanna be#suicidal ideation
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#I hate how tumblr was a place where I could just scream into the void and not worry at all about what and when and how much I was reblogging#and no one knew me#no one cares about my art or my posts#I didn't have to worry about being consistent with my irl self like on insta#and didn't have any pressure to perform well like on TikTok#and it was just#a place where I didn't have to worry about any of that#but when I started posting about dc#and comics and stuff#and like#actually posting art and engaging with people#I'm not worried about stuff performing well#but I actually have mutuals#and people follow me#and I just worry about annoying people#because my blog is not a dc blog in and of itself#reblog a lot#and just#I fully believe in curating your own dash and unfollowing etc#but#idk if it's because I don't really have mutuals or followers that stick around?#like some people that I think are super cool would be mutuals with me for a handful of months#and we'd have a couple soley positive interactions#and then#they'd leave#and the only reason I know as to why is because my constant stream is annoying#idk#I don't like how this used to be a refuge from insecurity. and where I could just post whatever I wanted. but. it doesn't feel like that now#idk what to do
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the dichotomy of hinata being so inspired by the little giant that he'll jump at any opportunity to be like him, while the little giant is simultaneously the catalyst for tsukki to spiral down a path of negativity that leads him to be completely disenchanted with volleyball
hinata being inspired by short players, while tsukki harbors subconscious resentment toward them
hinata (the sun) and tsukishima (the moon) both orbiting udai (the sky/cosmos) from opposing perspectives
#until they both eventually break free and learn to shine solely with their own light#HELLOOOOOOOO i'm thinking about Guide 2 again. i always feel like im screaming into the void about this alksjas#hinata#tsukki#udai#hq!!#hq manga spoilers#furudate why do you do this to meee#and the both Hinata and tsukki finally fully fully embracing their own light during the kamomedai match#with Hinata embracing being greatest decoy instead of little giant and tsukki being proud to use skills he’s learned from#short players while sharing that pride with his brother all during the match that is the last of the series��� main timeline#becoming the full culmination of those emotional arcs!! ALL WHILE UDAI IS WATCHING??? HELLOOOOOO#ugh I need a Hinata and tsukki tag#x#what more do you need
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'don't ship that, ship THIS'
'why are people focused on THAT when they could look at THIS'
'bad media literacy nuance reading comprehension-'
'why is NO-ONE writing fic about-'
#Whenever I try to engage in fandom I wind up feeling judged and anxious#Idk if I'm getting old or if it's a general change in the landscape of social media#But man whenever I poke my head out of my group chat I just can't stand it!!!#Does anyone remember that fandom was supposed to be fun.#I sure dont#And for that matter instead of screaming into the void about no one making content of x#Why not go make it yourself#this has all gotten exacerbated by a certain popular food anime I will say#It really was more bearable when it wasn't popular#There's a certain kind of entitlement around about pointing the finger at writers and artists for not making a certain type of content#And it's like man!! People are only gonna create what we have interest in and not what the current fucking hot button pairing is#We are not being paid for it so if you want something specific you can do it yourself
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What if Ghost wears his mask because, after all the torment his father rained on him... he got the nervous tic of smiling AND laughing...
He starts getting nervous and his lips start to twitch up into a smile.... He can't stop it. It just... happens
Someone can be brutality killed in front of him but because of his father, his lips just twitch into a smile instead of a frown or grimace. It doesn't reach his eyes so no one really knows it, but he feels disgusted with himself anyway. Smiling and laughing at someone suffering? "What kind of monster are you Simon?"
#like taking in count what i know of the comic his father does make him laugh at a dead lady#i also think he probably laughed too when nervous but he trained really hard out of it after... one quite terrible encounter#everyone likes to imagine he has gasglow smile scars right?#so what if he gained them because he was smilling uncontrolably while being tortured so they were just like:#'why not make it permanent'#hello hi yes :D i love making the blorbos suffer#am i projecting? a little#i do laugh/smile when I'm nervous sometimes#and it's the worst fucking feeling cus... you can't control like your face It acts before you think and it's hard to put it back to 'normal#BUT GOD#GHOST ASSOCIATES SMILLING TO ONLY TERRIBLE FEEELINGS/SITUATIONS#SO IMAGINE WHEN HE MEETS JOHN SOAP MCTAVISH#THE PERSONIFICATION OF A SMILE#imagine ghost learning through soap that it's alright that HE'S alright because he can't control it#and imagine that because of soap he starts smilling besides when he's nervous#he starts getting genuine ones at Soaps stupid jokes#and the day he laughs??? he hasn't laughed in so long he subconsciously stops himself#but soap is just looking at him stars in his eyes 'please do that again'#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH screams into the voide the things these two make me think about#cod#call of duty#cod mw2#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty ghost#call of duty soap#(he's in the tags BUT HE'S HERE)#simon ghost riley#john soap mctavish#ghoap implied in the tags#manyrambles
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#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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Hm... never trust how you feel about your life past 9pm or however that goes and stuff, but sometimes I do be pondering what I do on the regular and it gets to me, the silliest things
#I'm once again getting anxious over putting myself out there in every sense I can think of#Socially. Business-wise. Art-wise#if there is one trait I dislike about myself the most in the past few years—#is that for whatever reason I have a tendency to be way too open about myself and what I feel#it could be annoying. It could be tmi (I dislike that concept). It could scare people off because I'm too forward and I fuck up#I spent a big chunk of my late childhood -> teenage years -> early adulthood putting a tamper on my emotions and what I'm passionate about#and now I'm oscillating between being unable to do otherwise and being thoroughly exhausted of suppressing... anything#I genuinely don't want to do it no more and the problem is that I have no idea how to navigate the opposite end of that conduct#I feel like I'm constantly messing it up. I have no experience but I am so tired and now incapable of masking#more like my body and mind are uncooperative and refuse to keep on putting up an act. It was always a way to support others#but I disregarded myself most of the time. I don't know how to enjoy myself in front of people I love without feeling guilt or shame#I feel like I'm overstepping or being disrespectful. How do you do it#it should come easy#Heh... I'm even embarrassed to voice sincere praise to artists I admire because I never know if what I'm saying could be perceived as —#—cringey or if it makes someone slightly uncomfortable. I'm tired of being clueless about a whole dimension of social interaction#and possibly coming across as inept. I could've sworn for the longest time that I was doing it right#and I can't be sure now#I want to share my work with others but I'm always hesitant and petrified by fear of all the potential ramifications that path could have#There's so much I want to do#why does the world seem so hostile to my eyes I genuinely don't know. It makes no sense. None of that is real#Annnnnd that sure is some venting#Sheesh#Hm. Funny how tumblr keeps on being this perfect void where you can just scream into without a single worry#I should go to sleep
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FUCK i still gotta write that goodbye card
#oh fuck oh god#idk what to say#or how to phrase it#i should keep it sweet and concise#but also not too formal#but not too emotional either#hmmm#i also need to figure out how to give it to him because i find it incredibly embarrassing#i kind of really don't want to be there on his last day on friday#I'd feel so awkward because Everybody will be there and say goodbye and i'd just sit there in silence because i don't#feel like I'm part of the team and therefore have no right to be involved (also one of the reasons i didn't sign the 'official' card)#i know it's stupid but ugh#I've known him for 6 months#why do i feel so ridiculous just giving someone a farewell card after only 6 months#I've given cards to people I've known for 3 weeks before. no issue there. (i think it's because of the work context.#i don't want to seem out of line by giving him my own card after not having known him for all that long#which is just dumb. but maybe it's also the type of card. maybe i should look for something generic and not a condolences card#lmao#(although that's 80% of the reason i want to give it to him lol)#void screams#work stuff#i need to shut up
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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Obviously plastic surgery is about the person getting the surgery and nobody else. They can do whatever they want and I truly hope they're doing it for the right genuine reasons and not societal pressure and shitty beauty standards. And I hope they feel great and confident and in love with the results. But the way some people change everything that made them unique and interesting looking in order to look like Generic Rando #5 is so weird to me...
#this is about plastic surgery and veneers lol#weird noses and fucked up teeth MAKE A PERSON#why does everyone want to have a skinny up poined nose and perfectly straight blindingly white theeth?#again OBVIOUSLY whatever i say shouldn't have any impact on people's lives or decisions to have plastic surgery#i myself wish to get top surgery at some point which IS plastic surgery#so like... i'm a hypocrite or whatever#but also#i feel a certain way when i see people who looked super interesting and gorgeous feel so crap about themselves enough to get plastic surgery#mostly cause like... they got to physically feel like shit for a while during recovery... and that's scary#perhaps this also taps into my fear that i will get top surgery and not recognize myself anymore thus regretting it?#the unknown gives me anxiety lol#ANYWAYS#all this was sparked by 2 kpop idols i found absolutely beautiful now lookign like everyone else lol#I HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THIS IT IS NOT MY FACE!#i need that to be clear! i'm just screaming at the void (it's 2am what do you expect? lol)#angel talks#personal
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holy shit so much has gone bad today rant in tags
#not even js today#this past idk#I do cheer and oh my god#my mom was so fucking upset when I said that I don't have a skirt uniform#like????? I have a boys uniform?????????#screaming into the tag void#js found out the man I've looked up to for 8 fucking years of my life is having the ROUGHEST rough patch#and it's affecting his family my family etc etc#I wanna quit everything#I'm losing hope in people#why is everyone bad everyone used to be good#ughghhghghghhghhhhhhhhhghgh#it's been a hard few weeks#fuck that it's been a hard few years#I'm so tired of literally everything I feel unmotivated I feel gross I feel like a loser and I feel stupid#I don't have a bright side this time guys I'm sorry lol#I usually have a bright side#but everything is bad like really#a teacher died#no one will listen#I wish I could stop being the positive friend#it's so tiring being so fucking bubbly all the time#and when I talk no one listens but when I don't talk they say I look like I feel awful and I usually do but it's not anything they can#control so I need to be positive so they're not worried because that's bad for them and if something's not normal then it's bad and it's al#my fault#sorry guys lol I'll get back to normal posting and art stuff soon I promise
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Ifeeltired
#My body isn't heavy anymore and thats v good v v good but I feel#I feel sad#V sad#Idk why. I just am#There's something wrong with me#Something v v wrong#Idk what. But I just know there's a problem.#I'm probably just having an existential crisis but I think I need to talk to Her about it bc She actually seems genuinely worried abt me#Which is. New.#Normally She'd just be mad at me for not doing chores or sleeping in late but this time She seems. Just. Worried about me.#I don't know how to feel about that but it makes me kinda. Happy. I think.#I like when people worry about me. I probably shouldn't though.#Anyways. Uh. Again. Need to stop screaming into the void here what I wanted to say is I'm getting silly n changing my name :3#꒰ঌ♡ 𝟽𝟽𝟽.ramble
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It's interesting to stroll around Fanlore reading discussions that took place in 2007 talking about the fractured nature of fandom on LJ and people interacting without having enough context (as in commenting on a post they did not read by a user they do not know) when you're living in 2023 and people distribute likes without reading anything or commenting; when there's supposedly "drama" of unknown origins happening in more than one website at the same time because there's no real "home base" for fandom activity anymore; and we're all carrying on with our lives reblogging things without even looking at previous notes and reactions to that same post even if out of simple curiosity...
#what gets me is the lack of discussion. i don't expect anyone to approach things in a more ~intellectual manner no#but i guess i expect a little more than what i see. i'd *like* to see a little more. more than just personal unfounded opinion#idk i have the distinct feeling that we're all screaming into the void only louder and louder and louder#(you will never convince me that twitter is a good place for discussion because it just isn't. it wasn't made for that#it doesn't support it. its very quick structure is part of why so many people have long recognised it as toxic social media)#(it's talking over one another in fragments. if you agree on there all is peachy but if you don't then lol good luck)#anyway. again. i do know tumblr isn't exactly proper for any of this either; the dashboard isn't designed for it#but it's not like i can convince anyone to switch to a slower and more text/reflection-based platform either now can i#i think about migrating every day but then i'd REALLY be screaming into the void#silly blabbering#i'm allowing myself to post this on this blog because it isn't strictly WN related but also it is. i hate twitter fandom lol#(also if you're wondering yes i did read that one for the bakhtin. in this house we love and support bakhtinian studies)#(just in case my last little essay on wn didn't clue you in regarding that lol)#ALSO i love the fact that the post (the actual post. if you click the link and follow through to the original post. which you should)#links to another post that goes to another post (i love these link black holes) where the author voices things i feel too lol#about crafting extensive essays and the expectation regarding their response#i sometimes think that LJ fandom is what made me choose my degree#why am i seeing myself through someone else's words written in 2006 ksjdfhksdjjhksdgjsd#and yeah yeah we should respond to other people too -- but how when no one is writing the sort of thing you want to/can reply to?#i'm not interested in the colour of beatrice's knickers (not that anyone has talked of that... afaik... but you get what i mean)
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*cries at the amount of things I could be drawing if I could draw*
#THE IMAGES JUST APPEAR IN MY HEAD AND THEY'RE SO PERFECT#why was i cursed to hate art#AND WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A CURSE AND NOT A BLESSING FOR THE FIRST TIME#y'all i can't wait 10 years to make what i'm seeing in my head it's so cute#just me rambling#i scream into the void
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important question survey question: what is one movie you absolutely have to rewatch every year? a movie that your soul aches for if you've gone too long without watching it?
#post brought to you by the two types of people:#my dad who does not understand why people rewatch movies#and one of my friends who says every year she and her sister will randomly turn to each other and say 'should we watch the borrowers?'#be my friend and not my dad lol#a shout into the void#i would prefer the answer not be christmas or halloween related but the heart does want what it wants.....#(i do watch scream every halloween. it's the law.)#(there's a ton of movies i have to restrain myself from not watching once a month)#(but for some reason the movie i always feel like i /need/ to watch after too much time has passed is dirty dancing)#(i'm not sure i'd put that in my top twenty favorite movies but sometime every summer the pull to have the time of my life is too strong)
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