#why do i continue?
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definitelynottober day 5 - heavy is the hunger
#definitelynottober#definitelynottober2024#goodtimeswithscar#goodtimeswithscar fanart#gtws fanart#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#tw blood#gif#animation#continuing my yearly trend of 'why did i do an animation for a day prompt' fjfhdkfuh#this is what happens when i get indecisive about poses and angles#i think about the vex lore alot
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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I really like the way Giyuu thinks he can make friends with Sanemi is by just hiding red bean mochis in his sleeve and giving it to him whenever. I can just imagine Sanemi having a bad day and it gets 10 times worse when Giyuu comes around because he might think he's making fun of him
Pretty relatable tho I get it Giyuu I get it
#anyways this was just an excuse to draw demon slayer stuff#im getting a bit tired of drawing danganronpa stuff so im taking a break before it makes me hate danganronpa#sanemi shinazugawa#kny sanemi#demon slayer sanemi#shinazugawa sanemi#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#giyuu tomioka#kny giyuu#demon slayer giyuu#kimetsu giyuu#kimetsu sanemi#sanegiyuu#sure why not#which i will continue doing btw
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Etho's behavior in session 5 was frankly unhinged. he killed Bdubs' horse IN FRONT OF HIM and managed to get away scot-free in the chaos of the situation. AND THEN he stole the chicken farm hopper while HALF THE TEAM was in their base without them noticing, tried to trade it BACK to them, and finally returned it after GAINING THEIR ALLIANCE? what even. good for him.
#no one else is doing it like him. except for maybe 3rd life Impulse. and we all know how that worked out for him#speaking of. Impulse expressing fear that His trident which he gave to Etho would be used to stab him in the back???#I wonder why he would worry about that. haha.#I'm so ill#Etho is so thoroughly unreadable it is frankly anyone's guess if he intends to betray his new alliance#my money is on no outright betrayal but he basically continues to live with BET until everyone goes red and he wants more friends#wild life spoilers#wild life smp#ethoslab#trafficblr#life series
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#i used to be a lil more patient with it and ask like. why do you use *your* pronouns? you like em. right? but ive realized that explaining#myself over and over to ppl who (for the most part) will continue to not understand is exhausting#so. nyways. im gonna start linking people who ask this post#i use it/its for lots and lots of reasons but the one You need to know is because I Want To#anyways! hi! hello! i'm mostly moved in and the bugs are mostly dealt with#posts will be mainly comm work and lil mspaint doodlies for the time being#but#helllooooooo#:03 its been awhileee#oc: cow#fursona#mspaint mouse doodlie
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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#i want to throw up :|||||#it's been so many years and it's not changing nothing is changing this is who i am#i can't stand that i can't be myself#i want to fucking die#it is what it is and i am who i am and if that's a problem i can't help u and im not sorry ok i tried and i cant be someone else#im going to have the wildest midlife crisis if i make it past this year (lol)#i wonder which route ill take will it be the mickey n mallory one or will it be the sue of cide tourism one or the sad cat lady one or what#ill probably [redacted violence] then jump out a 15 story window or smth#if this isnt a string of neon red flags idk what is lol#anyway im going to do what i do best and pretend :) everything is fine :) no need to worry :)#except for all the things i said so many times yea im a bit upset about those but yea :) :)#i will likely leave one day :) im not interested in life very much and wasnt planning to stick around for the full ride#it doesnt look like a very fun ride anyway#i cant be myself#there is no point#i am myself and people take it personally so i give up. i cannot be myself. i hate existing. it's not fun. im not having a good time at all#why did i surround myself with people who make me feel so hated that i feel the need to hate back thrice as hard?#why do i continue?#how long until i leave them? will i?#this relationship was a mistake i want to kill myself because of a fucking relationship why did it come to this
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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redrew my favorite Saw IV scene
#had to get this thing out of my head so that i can continue doing requests in peace#i think about this scene 6 times a day at least. why did hoffman look at him like that. why did he pause for so long. i know what you are.#mark hoffman#peter strahm#saw#saw iv#hoffstrahm#coffinshipping#my art#the urge to apologize for being so slow with requests is great but i will continue to fight it. @me on god we will get u some self respect
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As cameras becomes more normalized (Sarah Bernhardt encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use cameras because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by manufacturing companies. I paint not because I want a painting but because I love the process of painting. So even in a future where everyone’s accepted it, I’m never gonna sway on this.
if i have to explain to you that using a camera to take a picture is not the same as using generative ai to generate an image then you are a fucking moron.
#ask me#anon#no more patience for this#i've heard this for the past 2 years#“an object created and controlled by companies” anon the company cannot barge into your home and take your camera away#or randomly change how it works on a whim. you OWN the camera that's the whole POINT#the entire point of a camera is that i can control it and my body to produce art. photography is one of the most PHYSICAL forms of artmakin#you have to communicate with your space and subjects and be conscious of your position in a physical world.#that's what makes a camera a tool. generative ai (if used wholesale) is not a tool because it's not an implement that helps you#do a task. it just does the task for you. you wouldn't call a microwave a “tool”#but most importantly a camera captures a REPRESENTATION of reality. it captures a specific irreproducible moment and all its data#read Roland Barthes: Studium & Punctum#generative ai creates an algorithmic IMITATION of reality. it isn't truth. it's the average of truths.#while conceptually that's interesting (if we wanna get into media theory) but that alone should tell you why a camera and ai aren't the sam#ai is incomparable to all previous mediums of art because no medium has ever solely relied on generative automation for its creation#no medium of art has also been so thoroughly constructed to be merged into online digital surveillance capitalism#so reliant on the collection and commodification of personal information for production#if you think using a camera is “automation” you have worms in your brain and you need to see a doctor#if you continue to deny that ai is an apparatus of tech capitalism and is being weaponized against you the consumer you're delusional#the fact that SO many tumblr lefists are ready to defend ai while talking about smashing the surveillance state is baffling to me#and their defense is always “well i don't engage in systems that would make me vulnerable to ai so if you own an apple phone that's on you”#you aren't a communist you're just self-centered
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finally got lines for the last two pages . enjoy a preview
#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stump art#stump dump#when did i start this . fucking october ???#hey having a project interrupted sucks#anyways im gonna finish it yay . did not need to take this long but you know how it is with having literally everything happen#at the end of the year#conveniently . woo#well i guess also my life has been very theseus focused#and shall continue to be so as i have 30 page comic in the pipeline#all sketched up and ready for panels + lettering#yes i do enjoy making mistakes . why do you ask
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dick took the news that a strange thirteen year old broke into his apartment while he was away at the circus pretty well, I gotta say
#this is not how the interaction played out in the issue btw lol I'm just having a bit of fun#tim drake#dick grayson#batfam#dc#the new titans issue 65#inspi art#I remember being baffled when i read ALPOD and tim broke into dick’s apartment like it was nothing to find out where he’d gone#like where did he learn that? reddit?#I chalked it up to comicbook goofiness and wolfman stretching suspension of disbelief a little to keep the plot moving#which is why it surprised me when they acknowledged it again#and by doing so cemented tim knowing how to pick locks and being used to breaking into apartments as a canon fact(TM)#and so hence forth he would continued to be a little contradictory weirdo who’s both normal and incredibly not normal at the same time
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it's finally the best season, folks reference under the cut
from 1borzoigaming at twitter
#digimon#terriermon#lopmon#sorry if this had been done before lol.......#also this is why i don't do bg o(-(#it's hard and it swelled up my file into ~30 mb... for the record i usually work with 8-18 mb#warming up before continuing commission hell yeah#png
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One of my favourite things about the end of The S-Classes That I Raised novel (major spoilers ahead),
is the realisation that the reason why Yoojin and Hyunjae's relationship looks so much like a love story at times is because it actually, honestly is.
Like, we know that sctir is a novel about love since the beginning, that's not surprising. Yoojin's capability for loving monsters (both literal monsters and the human kind) and the power of that love is at the centre of the plot.
But by the time you get to the end, you realise - and the author confirms this themselves in their final Note - that Yoojin's relationship and love for 2 specific people was the true core of the story, and what allows him to save the world in the end:
One is, of course, Yoohyun.
And that love is absolute; you cannot say that it's inevitable, cause we know Yoojin had to make a choice when he was a child between Yoohyun and his parents, and he almost chose his parents, but from the moment he decided to love Yoohyun onward, then it was unconditional and eternal. It's the love of a brother, but also the love of a parent and a caretaker.
And the other person is Sung Hyunjae.
And that love is not unconditional nor inevitable or absolute at all. It's not something that can be taken for granted. We actually see, because of how it ended between them before the regression, and thanks to the White Bird's power of seeing possible futures, that there were so many timelines where Yoojin and Hyunjae would have never come to care about each other fully (tho they are always at least somewhat interested in each other, because their personalities are actually really compatible).
But the White Bird also sees that the only possible future where the world is saved is the one where they love and hold on to each other. And that is how the story goes!
So, just like a romance novel, the necessary end is the one where they both love each other and accept that love. And it's not easy to get there! It's a slow burn.
From meeting to getting to know each other, appreciating each other's skills and intelligence, finding out they have fun together but still not trusting each other, to working on building that trust.
They go from a strong but superficial mutual interest to actually caring about each other as people.
Yoojin has to go through the self-doubt of feeling inferior and fearing that Hyunjae will lose interest in him. Hyunjae has to learn to stop pushing Yoojin away because he doesn't know how to handle having someone he cares about so much, and also someone that cares about him, because nobody in the world (except in part Song Taewon) likes Sung Hyunjae as a person, he is only ever admired from afar.
And in the end, after going through ups and downs and a few "break-up arcs", they make it. They accept their own feelings and each other's feelings.
And that's when Yoojin makes the choice to use the power that the transcendents gave him at the very beginning of the novel, to save Hyunjae. Not the world. Not even Yoohyun! Just Sung Hyunjae!
Yeah, the whole "gather 50 S-Class people", the very thing that gives the novel its title. That is not a power that is used to save the world!! It was meant to, but Yoojin is "selfish", and he will always choose to save the people close to him first.
And being able to love someone so selfishly gives Yoojin the power to save the whole world, too. As a bonus! A reward. Just a side effect.
So yeah. Is it romantic love? No. Canonically, there's almost no romantic love in the whole novel.
But is it a love story?? Yeah. Absolutely it is.
#these are my midnight thoughts#have a lot of feelings for them#870 chapters of “why do they have so many romance tropes lmao”#to realise that it is 100% the whole point of the story#reading the side story now#happy to report hyunjae continues to be hopelessly and shamelessly in love#sctir#sctir spoilers#the s classes that i raised#s classes that i raised#s classes that i raised spoilers#the s ranks that i raised#my s class hunters#jinjae#han yoojin#sung hyunjae
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etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex
(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)
Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.
#why is this what makes me post again#tangtho#etho#ethoslab#tango#tangotek#tango tek#bdubs#bdoubleo100#bangtho#< saw that in etho's comments. and. yeah#also consider that tango and bdubs were together first this series and etho is the third wheel#to the fucked up love hate thing they have going on#there's never been something more appreciating and adoring BUT biting each other as tangdubs#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft s10#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#(Sorry but some people have ethubs blinders on but that's so much less interesting to me than the whole.#Yes bdubs is pathetic and will always be at etho's feet. and Yes etho will pity bdubs and want him protected.#but tangtho (!!!) has SO much more to play with...to Me.)#and Why is etho being a tango girl so under-noticed??? lmao. it's there to be noticed All the time#hot mic! hot mic!#but also lowkey dreading ep2 lmao#anyway I'll regret posting this lol#(also I see you asks in my inbox. sorry I haven't replied yet <3 re: s7 oh do I have thoughts! it's where it truly kinda began... I started#forming a reply to you back in May I think but I've been kinda averse to posting/participating in the fandom side for a while. sorry I#stopped being a good place for your tangtho snippets </3 I've still been watching and enjoying the streams and the tango etho joy continues#just haven't really felt like posting)
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sorry these kinds of comments have been really pissing me off recently lol
#it's been kinda hard for me to pinpoint WHY exactly these sort of comments feel insulting#but i think it's mostly because it implies my original work is purposefully and inherently derivative of things i have no connection to#while i think being derivative in art is. kinda unavoidable in a sense (and something i'm aware i do consciously and unconsciously)#it feels like a slap in the face when people imply that my work cannot hold its own merit and need to be compared to#something in the popular conscious#and like sometimes people don't know it's original art which is fine#but it also doesn't hurt to ask if it's original instead of just. immediately assuming or comparing it to something else#i know this will only get more difficult as i continue to drift away from fanart and fan works#but i really want to be able to be proud of my original work and i want to share more! because it's a part of me!!#but its really hard when it feels like i'm always going to be compared to things people care about more!!!! AAAUGH#god. ok sorry i need to get that off my chest. if anyone compares computer angel to TMA again im gonna start eating drywall#fern's sketchbook
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