#why cant i have both it's unfair
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once again thinking about what i wanna name myself as i feel it will influence how i move thruogh this world
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Mom called me a shitty roommate today bc after months of her telling me to rent a uhaul (too young to do so) and then flaking out on me whenever I asked her if we could it on x day, I gave up on trying to get my bf's heavy TV and dresser and ordered a mountable tv, instead of buying more storage totes so that I could add to the ever increasing stack of totes in our guest bedroom
#leading up to and since raine moved in i have thrown tons of shit away and so has he#we both moved from larger rooms into a smaller shared room#meanwhile my parents moved into a bigger room with a bigger closet and claimed the garage for storage space#i have several decorative items that would look cute out in the livingroom without clashing with her style#but she considers all my items ''clutter'' so i have to keep them in my room or in a tote#except all my totes are already occupied by other shit#i threw away 90% of my friends items that i was storing here in an effort to make my room tidier#(and to ensure that my items are not littered around the livingroom and kitchen)#i got a bed frame with drawers so i could store items in there#i am not a horder and neither is raine but we have to condense two peoples worth of things into one room and two closets#and like i said before we both had bigger rooms before moving to this house#my room was way larger before. even with my giant ass desk (that doesnt fit in my room) my old room#didnt look cluttered bc it had lots of open space. even tho that was a 2 bedroom apartment#and this is a 3 bedroom duplex with garage the square footage in this house was budgeted poorly#my hallway is literally a snail spiral shape so a lot of space is lost to the curvature#not to mention my parents have bought more shit than we had at the old place to fill up space that we all shared in our old apt#except i am going to mention it bc i think this is totally unfair#i get that my mom has never liked when my room is messy. she's my mom and she is going to nag#but she does not have to use my room or bathroom (she has her own. thats bigger than mine)#and i keep my bathroom clean for guests#and she has made it clear that she is unwilling to help me even when i ask and tried to plan out ways to cheaply get more furniture#raine has had tote boxes in his car since he moved in bc he knows that we dont have a place for them inside#not to mention several collectable swords (including limited edition skyrim sword and genuine damascus)#which is kind of a fucking road safety hazard since they are real blades#but he puts up with it bc he doesnt want to add to the clutter#i bought this tv and wall mount bc i know that as long as my tv is grounded to a dresser i cant rearrange my room to make more space in here#and im donating my current tv to the guest bedroom bc they wont buy one for it#they also wont buy a dresser for it which is why my mom was hounding me to rent a uhaul for raines dresser#(i cannot stress this enough. we are both TWENTY. how are we going to rent a car. we need older adult help!!!)
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I wish capitalism was a tangible object I could bite and claw at I start foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog when I think about it gwrrwhrwgwwrgwr
#my mom shouldn't have to have a job she is busy all goddamn day every goddamn day taking care of her mom and her 6 year old child#and she takes care of me and my brother and her husband this woman is exhausted#and she makes us breakfast and dinner every day and she watches all the neighborhood kids and and and#she is already fulfilling an extremely valuable roll in society!! why the FUCK should she have to have a job too!!#not even going to say 'outside the home' because her job IS OUTSIDE THE HOME she contributes to this whole damn community#It's BULLSHIT it's UNFAIR she deserves justice#and it's also bullshit and unfair that a household with three workinh adults cant afford a 4 bedroom family home.#We collectively make enoigj money that we lost our fucking health insurance and are being kicked out of our subsidized housing#But there are no homes anywhere near any of our jobs that we can afford so WHAT THE FUCK#and every part of it is capitalism and I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it#Is the purpose of life not to find and be with wnd care for loved ones?? are humans not born to love and be loved and help one another??#what went wrong? why did we let it get this far? why are we taking a mother away from her 6 year old daughter so she can afford#both of their medicines that they need to live healthy lives???#A caretaker away from a disabled elderly woman? A safe person to leave your children with away from the village? Why the goddamn divide??#sorry there was ten minutes begween that tag and this one because I had to cry I am calmer now#still heavily anti-capitalist tho
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#at a low point and i only have myself to blame#whether i can control it or not. it's a mix of both but either way its me#i thought i was doing alright. nobody was actively bothering me.#and then out of nowherre i start getting flashbacks and i cant sleep#not to self diagnose but i guess i do have ptsd after all i think#or cptsd actually bc it was Many Little Things instead of One Big Thing#and i google the symptoms and…… what i found broke me.#i'm supposed to be relieved to find the terms to explain not-normal things about me no?#to tell me that i'm not broken and that i'm not the only one like this?#well… yeah. i'm far from the only one. but it told me that i am broken#and i think it's unfair that had thing gone different i could've been a functional human being#i know i've improved over the years but it hurts to know that there's a point i can never reach no matter how hard i aspire to it#it just runs too deep#and i know it will only get worse#i cried my fuxking eyes out about it at therapy and still it's not enough#and i know it's stupid and that i might as well be overblowing it and i hate it#but that's just the way it is and it's not passing anytime soon#i can't heal. not unless i free myself from the situation i’m in and have lived in for p much my whole life#and that i can't do either bc i'm a cowardly shit with no initiative#i can only cry and seethe in the distance at worse people who are somehow doing better#why do the disgusting creeps who hurt my heart and spirit get to be happy?#brave enough to step out and ask for help and charming enough to get it?#there's nothing i can do#and to the people i love - there's nothing you can either#and that's okay#the only thing i can do now is just… keep going and try my best to not get worse#i don't want this to define me (though i am sure it is a futile effort)#i dont think what i'm saying makes sense anymore
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the fucking awful pain of having to choose between being a skinny legend or having a great pair of tits😔
#i hate life why cant i have both😭😭😭😭#!!!!!!!!!!this has been in my drafts for ages#but now that im consistently going to the gym and eating healthy i no longer have a great rack😔 unfair
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#shes so confsuing to me to the point the other week iw as like can we talk#not about my actual feelings but iw as sitting ther elike hello do u see me as someone close to u?#and like maybe an unfair question to ask but i also think we've gotten to a point where she wouldn't have necessarily lied also like#idk#i was like man im scared ive overestimated how close we are cuz i feel close to u but i have no idea how u feel about me#and she was like yeah id like to think we are close ive told u things ive told few ppl which yeah!#i know that !#i think what was confusing for me too was like her actions and i was like this is a good thing of u but it also feels like#youd do certain things for anyone like things id maybe not#for her closeness she says is more emotional vulnerability than anything so for her sharing things is a sign#rather than doing things for people (?)#her nature is just someone whos very helpful very selfless person to the point where id wish shed think about herself a little more lol#convo was nice tears were shed on both sides but in the end idk if i said what i wanted to say#but also it has left me more confused cuz im like okay if we r close then why do u treat xyz person like this and not me#so funny to cuz she was like she has tiers of favorites not like u know rankings but idk i didnt fully tell her this#but to me her favorites are SO clear like#she tends to stick to whoever she feels closest to in a given group i think so#i started to ask her a bit abt it i was like uhh ik u said that u dont have favs but xyz person feels like ur no.1 and idk how to#really navigate that in a group setting (honestly i cant ever tell if im third wheeling w them like its to THAT extent)#and then xyz person came so the conversation stopped lol#or rather changed haha#rambles#dl
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#i just wanna have artist friends again to talk about art and hype each other up o(-(#share techniques and fandoms and have ocs together#i feel like i cant do art or feelings on my own anymore i need someone to feel it with me#but also depending on people like that is unfair so i stopped doing it and my heart was shattered into a million pieces#i had so many issues drawing the past 4 years and i only have one friend and they dont draw and are aq#are awkward with words but when i send them a photo of me trying to draw they literally didnt say anything and that was just :')#ive been struggling so much because of twitter and everyone i knew seeing my breakdown 4 years ago and knowing how many bridges i burned#and how difficult it is for me to draw at all and then share my art online and my friend told me its okay just share it with me#and when they dont say anything in me screams and feels so rejected i want to never talk to anyone ever again#im literally a shell of a human struggling with everything im a trauma response on two legs#and i wanna channel that into my two oc boys both being traumatized and leaning on each other but that also makes me feel so vulnerable#i feel like my existence is so pointless and just a burden on everyone who ever crossed paths with me#i imagine everyone i ever knew just talking badly about me how obnoxious i am and how selfish and ignorant and hurtful#and how happy they are about my downfall#im on mental sick leave and have finally a bit of time to catch my breath and im drawing again and feel better but i need to return to work#i cant do this#im so privileged and i still feel so bad and its so hard#i feel like every privilege i have will be followed by the most gruesome horrible thing because i dont deserve it and im unworthy of it#i dont think ill ever be able to build normal human relationships ever again ill shrivel up alone and die without anyone caring#while my mom is telling me im doing it on purpose and because i reject everyone#why is existing to painful and why am i doing worse worse doing it
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3005 - Mühl
Don’t drink when you have an inexplicable yearning for your bestfriend.
Nika Muhl x Fem Reader
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You stood underneath the basket in the huskies gym. Lost in a daze as a familiar Croation girl was practicing her form. Her concentration left a mark in between her eyebrows and her lips slightly pursed. You had been thinking about how tough two had first met. Starting off as roommates who would speak maybe every other day to doing everything together. When you first started talking to Nika as a friend instead of a roomie, you had acknowledged the girls very obvious beauty. The way her eyes shined when the sun hit them, how whenever she was frustrated her accent would be more pronounced in every syllable, and how she was incredible person and an even better athlete.
Your fall for her was quick and without warning as you had begun to notice the way your body would involuntarily heat up with the smallest contact. Not to mention whenever she was just a little closer to you your heart would pick up and you could hear the blood flowing within you. Without your noticing Nika had stopped when she had realized your out of touch look.
“Hey are you okay?” Concern laced throughout her words.
“Yea sorry I zoned out.” Your response not convincing her as she started her walk towards you giving you a small smile. As she walked closer to the rim, she took out her ponytail and began to talk
“Are you sure? we can go, I was practically done anyways.”
“Sorry, I’m just not feeling a hundred percent today” Not lying but not being completely honest, the feeling of boredom from just catching Nikas rebounds was starting to get to you. You also just wanted an excuse to retreat to your dorm as it was starting to get late and you had an essay due later in the week.
“It’s okay, plus I know you have that paper due soon. Can we go out after you’re done. I kinda wanna get drunk tonight.” She smiles at you with a large grin at her last few words. Her eyes comparable to a puppies.
“I dont know Niks, I kinda just wanna stay in tonight.” Your response causing her to lock you into a tight hug, she moves you side to side as she began to yell please a million times over. Her grasp unrelenting until another girl clad in a UConn practice jersey walked over.
“Twin can you like stop making out with (yn) in the gym, thanks.” Paige spoke as she peeled Nika off of your body. Your face a slight hue of pink due to the hug and Paiges statement.
“See, look at her, poor girl.” She continues to point out the spread across your cheeks. All Paige ever did was tease you about Nika. She was a very observant girl, a skill acquired from years of basketball, so she was quick to deduce that you had a major crush on Nika. Faster than you were able to in fact.
She had offered to put in good word for you and try to “gas you up” to her. But you had declined in fear of rejection. All her past relationships were with men so why would that change now was your mindset.
“Ughh, she doesnt want to go out tonight, and I wanted her-”
“Youre going out tonight. Were actually all going out tonight. I know you have major FOMO too so boom I win.” Paige quickly cuts Nika off.
“Thats actually so unfair. What time?” You ask rolling your eyes, as you can feel a small smile move its way onto your face.
“9, Nikas driving since she offered, be at my dorm by 8:30.” Paige quickly finishes as her coach, Geno, walked into the gym area. Saying her quick goodbyes as she went to follow him.
“See this is why Paige is my twin, cause she always manages to convince you to go out with me.” Nika says smiling at you as she dragged you both out of the gym.
“Thats unfair Niks you know I cant say no to group events.”
“Well thats your fault you should already know to never say no to me.”
“How toxic of you. I dont know how I manage being roommates with such an evil girl.” You joke as she unlocks her car.
“Please, you love this evil girl. I see the way you look at me.”
You scoff at her reply, internally however, your heart racing in your chest. The last few words were dancing on the line of serious and playful banter.
A sudden laugh from her eases your heart however as you look out the window searching the tree line for seemingly nothing. Missing the look she gives you.
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“WHO WANTS SHOTS?” A drunked Paige shouts right next to your ear as she looks over your shoulder to see a good portion of her teammates. You recoil from the loud shouting, to be honest you don’t even remember arriving.
You look around the bar in search of Nika who had been missing for the better part of the meet. You remember her saying she was going to go the bathroom. In good will you started to make your way towards the bathroom hoping she wasn’t in there dying from what felt like a couple of hundred shots Paige had made the both of you down earlier.
“Yo (yn) wait” The same blonde stops you, gripping your shoulder and harshly turning you around. The alcohol seemed to make her forget her own strength as she quickly patted the area she grasped.
“Drink this, trust me.” She said as she handing you a long shot filled with a clear alcohol.
“What is it?” You pondered familiar with the looks of it, but with Paige you wouldn’t chance it knowing how much she wanted you to confront Nika about your feelings.
“Just trust me, okay? You’ll be more open with her I promise. And if it goes south, then you can take another and you wont even remember how embarrassed you are.” She answered your question with full confidence
Taking turns looking at Paige and the shot, not knowing if it was the alcohol that you had downed earlier finally kicking in or Paiges convincing smile, you had downed the shot quickly recoiling when it had burned.
“Fuck Paige, what is this?” You ask her as your face involuntarily scrunches
“Everybody’s favorite, Everclear” she laughs as she began to push you in the direction of the bathroom. When you had finally reached the door, she had pushed you in, giving you a small smile and thumbs up before locking the door from the inside and quickly retreating. From the outside Paige had found an out of service sign and promptly put it infront of the door before heading back to her teammates table, all while giggling to herself about playing cupid.
From inside the somehow empty bathroom you heard slight hiccups and a sniffle.
“Nika? Is that you?” You ask even though you knew it couldn’t be anyone else.
A few shuffles later from the other side of the large stall, the door opens and reveals a disheveled Nika, who very obviously had too much to drink.
“Take me to yours please” She stumbled out of the stall, collapsing into your arms as she put her full weight on to you. Her body was on fire, you could feel the warmth radiating from off her, it almost felt good if she wasn’t slick with sweat. Her head rested upon your shoulder as you took her back into the big stall, you walking forward as she walked backwards to which she rose her head and looked at you confused.
“I cant right now, Paige made me drink another shot and I can feel it in my legs.” You explained, you would of drove both of you home by now if you didn’t feel a fuzziness erupting from your lower half.
Nika released a big sigh before leaning herself against the wall and sliding down to sit with her head laid back against the wall and her legs fully extended.
“Sit with me” She had demanded without even looking up
“Yea no, that floors dirty.” The alcohol had you speaking without fixing your tone as you came off a little harsh.
“I don’t care I want you to sit with me.” Nika picked her head up as it was heavy to look up at you. The way the light had hit her eyes made them shine in a way that softened you. Without a fuss, you had begun to kneel down to sit next to her without even realizing. Her smile as your back rested against the wall made the grimy floor somewhat bearable.
“You make me feel so full” Nika blurbed out. Her cheeks dusted with a sheen of pink that complimented her tan.
“Mhm, remind me not to let you drink next time we go out.” You replied jokingly, if she had said that comment earlier when you were sober you might’ve exploded on the spot. Luckily the drink had calmed your demeanor and even made you a little braver.
“Actually, you know, like when im with other people. Its different. Empty, you know. Even with people im interested in, they never make me feel the way you do.” The way she stumbled over her words tugged strings in your heart.
“Who like your ex? Obviously Niks, he was kind of an ass”
She chuckles at the thought of her past lover and your obvious distaste for him. Sure he wasn’t that horrible but he only did the bare minimum. And for some reason Nika could never explain unless she was under the influence, whenever he or anybody, would fuck up her first thought was to compare them to you.
“Yea, but everything’s different when it comes to you” She said in a hushed voice, her eyes never moving off of yours. Instinct from basketball or not you relished in her undivided attention. It made you dizzy.
“In what way?” You asked, discreetly shuffling yourself a little closer to her body.
“Fuck everybody but you.” Her response made you smile. Here you were sitting with a drunken Nika who was trying so hard to explain herself to you.
“Fuck em?” You laughed out, her sudden brazen attitude towards the world surprised you. For somebody so level headed like her, she seemed like a teenager trying to find her way.
“Fuck em” She clarified while grabbing your hand. Given, she was usually touchy with you. But it felt different this time. The warmth of her hand had lit a possibility. Taking your chance, you interlocked your fingers with hers, taking your eyes off of her for a moment to fully take in the occasion. The way her hands were mostly soft except for some calluses entranced you. You used your other hand to trace her own. Slowly you felt her slump her head on to your shoulder. Her scent was overwhelming, invading your brain until all you could think of was her and nothing else. Nika was all that mattered.
She looked at you through her eyelashes prompting you to move your head ever so slightly to lock eyes with her.
Maybe it was the alcohol or the way you could smell her perfume but the way she was looking at you in this moment was unmistakable. It was the same look Paige would use to describe you looking at her. But she had slowly sat up, she was close enough that you could feel every little exhale against your face. It was a strange feeling, it felt so weird yet so right. Maybe it was the fear of your friendship breaking that made you turn to look straight ahead. But that feeling was quickly shut down when Nika had softly grabbed the side of your face, with her non dominant hand, making you look at her. Her touch felt like fire against your skin.
“Youre so pretty” Her sudden compliment made you feel even warmer. All her actions made you float. Youre head felt dizzy as you involuntarily looked at her soft plump lips as she spoke once again. Youre throat was dry, opening your mouth to try and talk but she quickly covered your mouth before you could speak.
“I wanna be by your side, but only of you’ll have me” Her confession makes you freeze in your spot, making you quickly sober up. You had started to smell the lingering alcohol that tinged her breath. As much as you would like to accept her confession, she was drunk. You doubted she would remember what she said in the heat of the moment. As your stuck in your thoughts, you feel your head moving down and see her features getting closer.
You stick your hand in between the two of you. Making Nika place her lips against the inside of your hand.
“Youre drunk Niks, let’s talk about this in the morning.” You managed to speak, regretting your actions however as Nika quickly stood up and with glossy eyes she managed to say in a broken voice
“This is so embarrassing, can we just forget I said anything. I don’t wanna lose you as a friend” She looked at you as you followed her up, you grabbed her hands, gently rubbing her knuckles as you assured her
“No, Nika I promise you I want you too. I just cant while you’re drunk. Youre so beautiful and amazing, trust me I want to kiss you so bad, I just cant while you’re drunk. Pretty bad huh, I got an amazing woman trying to kiss me and I refuse” You quickly joke hoping to put her at ease.
She stood there for a second before a small smile appeared with an even smaller tear cascading down her round flushed cheeks.
“Super bad” She replied as she put her arms against your shoulders, leaning her forehead against yours. Swiftly, you pressed a chaste kiss against her cheek before pulling her impossibly closer and hiding your face in her brown hair.
She laughed at your child like behavior but she couldn’t complain since she had longed for a tight hug filled with compassion from you. She didn’t even know she needed it until now. She felt a wave of tiredness wash over her as she whispered in your ear.
“Take me home please. Stay with me tonight”
“Of course”
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You had blinked and suddenly had woken up with a familiar weight on top of you. Nika was acting like koala on your side as one of her legs lay across your belly and her arm across your front assuring her grip on you. Guessing from the fact that you both laid on the still made bed, you had both crashed as soon as you made it to Nika’s dorm.
With careful wiggling, you had managed to shimmy Nikas arm off of you as you decided to get up and try to surprise her with a good start to her day, a full breakfast. When you tried to lift her leg off of your stomach, she quickly parried by instead straddling you giving you a quick drowsy smile before leaning down to hide her face in the crook of your neck.
“Goodmorning” Her muffled voice vibrated against the skin of your neck, inadvertently making you smile.
“Goodmorning” You said while you wrapped your arms around her back, gently tracing shapes along it.
“So?” She asked
“So what”
“So wheres my kiss” She said trying to be brave but failing as you could feel her lips dance their way up your nape and to your jaw. Not even kissing, just grazing, which somehow made it feel even better.
She stopped right before she touched the corner of your lips to give a loving yet cautious look to ask for permission.
“I didn’t even get a chance to brush my teeth and you wanna kiss me. Just tell me how bad you want me Niks”
A soft giggle erupted from her as she smiled widely and slid off of your body and off of the bed. Her warmth quickly leaving you wanting for more.
“Youre right, I’ll show you after you’re done.” She said as she walked away, her body language very obviously taunting you as she left you in the empty bed.
Sitting up, you chased after her to find her with a toothbrush in her mouth and waving a new toothbrush package in the air before throwing it at you.
“Eager are we?” You tease her, she rolls her eyes at your comment before rinsing out her mouth and standing behind you as you applied toothpaste to your own toothbrush.
“Im gonna make coffee. I wanna talk more about last night” She told you before kissing your cheek and walking off.
You watched her leave in the mirror, admiring her back profile before finishing up your small task. As you walked into the open kitchen the smell of coffee beans hit your nose and one hell of a view hit your eyes. Nika was pouring 2 cups of coffee, one for you and one for her. It was something that you had seen before as you and the Croatian have had countless sleepovers but never in this context. It was something that you could definitely get use to seeing more often.
Walking up to the counter, you grabbed both mugs before heading into the living area and setting them on the coffee table in front of her couch. You turned on the TV and put on the news to a lowered volume setting for some background noise. For some odd reason you were nervous. Your heart was beating a little faster than usual. Even though you already knew what she was gonna say, she liked you. Right?
“Listen about last night.” Nika had started off as she walked around the small table to sit adjacent to you. Your legs touching as she slid closer.
“I like you, like really like you.” Her pronounced really made her accent come out stronger than usual. Her face was serious and her hands were clasped as she looked down at her mug filled with a light brown coffee. She was just as nervous as you were which put you at ease.
“I really like you too Niks. I wanna be with you too. Can I ask you something?” Her demeanor was more relaxed now as you were completely honest with her. A smile plastered across her face at the reciprocated feelings.
“Anything” She had answered
“When did you start liking me?” You had wanted to know since last night. The question was tugging at you. You had wanted to know how much time you had wasted being friends when you could have been in each others arms.
“I dont know the exact time I really realized. But I knew when I just couldnt stop thinking of you, day or night. Even in my dreams you would be there. I would compare everybody to you. You were my standard. Eventually I just realized I wanted to be with you.” She says before taking a sip of her hot drink. Her earnest tone made you go crazy. She was confessing her love for you, it wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t a delusion, it was real life and it felt so good.
“Mhm” was all you could reply with. You were afraid that if you did speak an actual word you would end up being too loud out of pure happiness.
“What about you when did you start liking me.” She had asked back. You looked down at the table for your own cup, grabbing it and watching the way the liquid would sway with every little movement.
“One day, a while back near the start of spring, I forget what I was doing but I felt sad. I felt like it should have been the two of us there. I forgot whatever I was doing, but I never forgot the feeling of missing you. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. Then when I got back to my dorm, you were there waiting for me, already watching a movie and finishing off the last of my snacks. If it were anybody else I probably would of gotten mad, but then you got up and ran to hug me and asked where I had been and at that moment I felt a warmth. Like the kind that you get when you hug somebody you care for but it was multiplied by 100” You hadnt looked at her your entire speech. You set back down the coffee without even taking a sip. You just needed the focus on something else so you could speak your mind freely. Putting your attention back on Nika you noticed a look you had seen before. The same level of concentration she had while on the court except instead of a fierceness it held a soft look. As if she was taking in every feature across your face and engraving it into her soul.
“Can I kiss you?” She had asked, you smiled at her politeness, before nodding. Without a second between she had quickly leaned forward to press her lips against yours. Slowly, you moved your lips against hers. Taking in the softness of her lips and how she tasted like coffee. Not breaking the kiss, she had sat herself onto your lap as her arms wrapped around your neck ensuring you wouldn’t be able to back out this time. Not that you would.
Your hands found her waist. Firm from constant practice and conditioning, you started to grip her sides with your hands while also pulling her forward making sure your chests were flush against each other. Nika let out a soft groan as she opened her mouth, her nose brushing against your cheek as she went to hide her face in your nape, prompting you to kiss against hers. You kissed up and down her neck, her breath had fastened and she started to get louder in your ear. Her sounds made you grip her even harder as you opened your mouth slightly, you started nipping her. Making sure to leave faint purple and red marks across it. Nika had started to slightly grind on your body, erupting a feeling deep within your stomach before a sudden alarm went off on her phone making her quickly turn around to check it.
“Fuck!” She had yelled, extremely frustrated as she had hopped off your lap.
Stunned for a moment at the fact that your guys session had comed to an abrupt end. You stood up asking her what was wrong. Following her into her room as she threw some items from the drawers into her bag.
“I forgot today was Tuesday, im so so so sorry, I have practice today. Geno will kill me if I dont show up on time” She said quickly before heading back out of the room and grabbing her keys off of the kitchen counter.
“Please please please, be here when I get back.”
“So we can..?” You asked, you wanted to joke with her so she could see the irony in the situation, that and the fact she seemed incredibly stressed out over her coach and being late to practice.
“So we can pick up where we left off obviously. You have a weird thing for getting me to say that I want you.” She laughed as she stood in the door way.
“I just love hearing you say it. Sounds good” You smiled at her, admiring the way her hair was slightly frizzy and how pretty she was even with a bare face. If she wasn’t a basketball star she could have easily been a model.
“Okay, ill make sure to tell you just how much I want you when I get back, but you gotta be here babe” She had begun to tease you back, after giving a chuckle at her remark, she stole a quick kiss from you before walking down the dorm buildings hallway.
“I’ll be here, don’t take too long Mühl” You had said down the hallway. She turned around, and suddenly started bolting down the hallway. You didn’t even have a second to react before she kissed you in front of her dorm.
“I don’t know I suddenly feel kinda sick. Im going to text Geno that im going to get the doctor to treat me. Go to the bed. Ill be there in a second.”
Without saying a word, you swiftly turned around and made your way down the dorm and turned into Nikas large room. Sitting on her bed before hearing the door close.
“Yea, im going to see a doctor sorry Coach, yea her name is Dr. (yln). I will, thanks bye.”
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Okay W ending once again. Going to write the 2nd part to this later. Maybe post it in 2-3 days. This was my longest post yet brudda.
Send in some requests pretty please. Im out of ideas and had writers block before pushing this baby out at like 1 AM 🙏.
Also W you if you got the multiple references in this fic.
#nika muhl x reader#nika muhl fanfic#nika mühl#uconn wbb#uconn huskies#uconn lives#Spotify#nika muhl smut
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Welcome all! Reaping week is nearly here!
I realize that there are a lot more of yall then there was last year! So let's go over what Reaping Week is-
Where we have Solarpunk Aestheics Week to inspire us in the face of horrors, and Solarpunk Practial week lets us show off the cool ways we can fix it! And I am fully behind those weeks, but as a counter balance I host Reaping Week.
We cant ignore the other side of this, you cannot have that bright hope without the darkness.
Isnt it all so unfair? The horrors, the isolation, the suffering enforced by the current system? Don't you sometimes just wanna burn it down? Want to Revolt? Don't you sometimes wanna just scream? Don't you deserve space to feel the weight of the world your trying to fix without judgment?
That's what Reaping Week is for besties!
Come vent! Come cry and rant about everything we must take down as apart of this cruel system! Draw from media that inspires those more firey parts of yourself!
Also trick or treating
So gather round and celebrate in the dark with me!
OCT 27th - NOV 5th
Additional info below the cut
FAQ:
Why is Reaping week Oct 27th - Nov 5th?
That's because I'm a NERD and wanted to create a holiday for us Solarpunks that encompassed both Halloween and Guy Fawkes day!
Can I join in on the fun? And How?
Of course sweetie!! 💕 you can join by offering vent messages, by showing off projects, by reblogging or commenting, by sharing music or art, by showing off the movies/shows that inspire the fire within! Submit stuff via my mailbox or tag me or simply add to the tag yourself!
Why is it called Reaping Week?
I will go off about this bc I think it's clever! There a few things.
1) I'm a hunger games nerd and reaping children to fight each other in a highly specialized TV show for class warfare is WILD
2) in the spirit of the harvest season, Capitalists are simply reaping what they sewed with us ripping apart their system.
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ok i am coming in hot with my last thought on patricks sister au for the day, because it is bedtime lol. but here it is. (also gonna start signing these off as an emojicon, because i lowkey need validation and credit for this au actually lol)
i feel like at first he would be lowkey confused why youre getting turned on when youre being called pathetic??? but you really are just depraved and so desperate for him. anything he says to you is music to your ears. so you keep rubbing yourself in his bed. he tells you that you can think about him all you want, but you can never have him. it cant happen. you can never have his cock. patrick is too important to him, he would kill the both of you.
he gets kind of lost in it, forgets to keep that distance, he ends up sitting at the opposite edge of the bed. looking right at you. but never touching you. god you're so pretty like this. he asks you how often you do this, touch yourself to the thought of him. he really shouldnt be indulging you like this. he shouldnt be playing into your hand. he just cant help it, your sounds are so sweet, moaning his name so lightly. he really cant help it when his hand falls to his lap. its totally out of his control when his hand starts palming himself. how could he not be hard? youre as good as naked in his bed, touching yourself, moaning his name and begging, pleading him to touch you, to fuck you, to do anything at all.
and when his hand slip into his boxers? he tries to convince himself not to, to put an end to this. it really isnt right. but on the other hand... its not like hes touching you. is it really that wrong if hes not even touching you at all? surely not. he lets himself indulge, just a little. but to outweigh, he tells you to stop touching yourself. maybe its a punishment for you, maybe it just for his own pleasure. he watches you as you pull your hand back up, eyes fixed on his own hand stroking himself under his boxers. he sees the excitement flicker in your eyes, you think youre getting what you want. you think hes finally going to fuck you. youre wrong.
he tells you to get off the bed, sit on the floor, between his legs. kneeling right in front of him, big puppy eyes, desperately flickering between his face and his hand moving slowly beneath the fabric. he cant help but laugh to himself when he sees youre grinding yourself on your heel, anything to get some friction. he swears he sees drool spill out of your mouth as you stare at him.
maybe he just makes you sit there for a while, staring at him, begging him. maybe it just ends with that, he keeps you there long enough to ensure he'll be able to picture it later when hes alone. maybe thats all, he tells you to go to sleep, you whine and almost cry, until he threatens to send you back to your own room.
or maybe.... just maybe.... and hear me out on this... maybe he makes you sit on your hands to make sure you wont touch him, because that would be breaking the rules. and maybe he tells you to beg him to let you see his cock, beg him to take it out, tell him just how bad you want to see it, need to see it. maybe he is so intoxicated on the feeling of being so desired that you would do anything he asked. maybe he pulls it out, he lets you watch as he stroke himself. ugh maybe he makes you spit in his hand so he can jerk off with your spit :(((( maybe he tells you to move closer, still no touching, but he wants your face all up close. you're not letting this opportunity slip away, you follow his every word, every movement. maybe he makes you thank him, thank him for letting you watch him get off. maybe he even lets you lick his cum off his hand when hes done.
or maybe not, maybe he just tells you to shut up and go to sleep. :)))
-🐞 (if it's not taken by anyone)
GODDDDDD you deserve all the definition credit acclaim bc this is some good fucking food
It’s unfair how good you look in his bed. It’s unfair that you’re laid out like a fucking meal for him, rubbing your sensitive clit and moaning like a pornstar while he’s saying shit that should be making you run away.
He sits down on the bed— his bed— and he can feel how you’re moving through the mattress. It makes him think of those commercials where they jump on the bed and the wineglass doesn’t move, except his shitty dorm bed is the opposite.
You’re panting, mouth open so he can see the pink of your tongue. A constant stream of moans and whines and gasps of Art and Please falling from your lips.
He shouldn’t ask. Patrick would fucking crucify him. Would flay him alive for even thinking it. But he does. “How often do you think of me when you’re fucking yourself?”
You meet his gaze, only briefly before your eyes flutter shut and you’re bucking against your fingers. “Every time. Just need you so bad, Art.”
“You don’t need me, you want me. And you’re so fucking spoiled by your rich parents that you think you’re entitled to it.”
His cock aches in the confines of his boxers, the hard line of it clearly visible through the plaid fabric. Your eyes are trained on it, hungry and wanting. You’re practically drooling for it. He just looks so big, you want to feel.
He has to muffle a groan when he goes to adjust himself, feels the heel of his palm press against his cock just right. It was your fault he didn’t get to bring anyone back to the dorm to fuck, your fault he didn’t have a nice, warm mouth wrapped around his dick.
God, you’re just so fucking selfish. Why should you get to get off twice when he can’t even do anything? So he slips his hand beneath his sweats, beneath the waistband of his boxers. He groans, eyes squeezing shut as he wraps a hand around himself.
And then you moan, all pretty and needy. He opens his eyes to see your hand working faster between your thighs. He narrows his eyes, pins you in place like a bug with just a look. “Stop touching yourself or I’ll call Patrick.”
It’s easy to bring Patrick into it. You straighten up, pout, and obey. But for Art it’s almost a reminder of why he really fucking can’t.
Your hand stills, but he doesn’t move until they’re both above the blanket, slick and wet and sticky. A smug smile spreads across your lips as you slip your fingers between your lips, cleaning them off. And god, you’re so brazen. You’re just like Patrick, and it’s going to fucking kill him.
“Sit on the floor. Right in front of me.” You’re practically scrambling to obey— peeling off the blankets and settling between his legs. And you are pretty, honestly. Even prettier when you want him this bad, when you’re on your knees and peering up at him with wide, eager eyes.
Your mouth is parted, just slightly as you look at him. He watches as you dart your tongue out to wet your lips, eyes darting between his hand moving beneath his boxers and his eyes.
“Art, please, I just want to touch you,” you practically beg. Your eyes are all watery, in the fake way he’d seen you play at when you wanted something to go your way.
Your parents had fucking ruined you— spoiled you, turned you into an entitled little brat. And now look at where you were— on your knees in front of Art, begging for cock. It made him wonder if your dad ever spent time with you, if he was ever involved in your life beyond clinical conversations over breakfast and dinner.
Honestly, Patrick should be lucky that you’re obsessing over Art and not some random asshole. Anyone other than Art would’ve snapped already, would’ve taken everything you offered. Would’ve had you face down on the mattress while they plunged into your soaked cunt again and again and again. Or worse. Art could had a vivid imagination, and could think of a lot of things that he— no, not him, someone else— could do with willing pussy.
“You’re not going to touch me,” he said, as firmly as he could manage. “I’m gonna get my dick out, and you can fucking watch so you can see exactly what you can’t have.”
You whine, mutter something about him being mean. He needs to be mean, he needs to drill the fact that it’s never going to happen into your brain so you fucking get it.
He pushes down his boxers and his cock slaps against his stomach. He’s so hard, flushed pink and pretty. Your eyes widen and you lick your lips, leaning forward, closer unconsciously. You want to suck his pink tip into your mouth, taste the pre that dribbles from his slit.
You’re already drooling from the sight, he might as well put it to good use. He holds his hand out, tells you firmly to spit. You obey, letting drool pool in your mouth before you spit it into his palm.
Your cunt throbs as he wraps his slick hand around his cock, stroking slowly, so you have to watch every slow pass of his hand, the glide of skin. You are drooling— you feel it at the corner of your mouth, have to wipe at it shamefully.
You reach out, touch him wherever you can reach. A soft, delicate hand on the inside of his thigh. He groans, almost sounding pained as he rips your hand off and throws it back into your lap.
“I told you no touching.” His voice is weak, not as firm as he’d like to be. He wants to draw it out, make you watch him, get off on how desperate you are for him.
“Art, just let me—“
“Sit on your hands if it’s that fucking hard, or— I don’t know— walk back to your own dorm.”
You pout and tuck your hands beneath your thighs. It’s amazing, how well you listen to anything he says. He could probably tell you to bark like a dog and you fucking would. God, he’d hate to be Patrick. It must suck to have such a slutty sister.
Art doesn’t realize how loud he’s being— he’s so stuck up in his head. But you hear everything— the way he pants and moans. You watch his balls bounce as he fucks his fist, moan pathetically. Your pussy is just drooling at this point, swollen and aching with the need to be filled.
“Say thank you,” he says, meeting your gaze. His eyes are half-lidded, hazy. He looks so pretty, you just want him so bad. “Thank me for letting you watch.”
You whine softly. “Thank you, Art.”
He finishes with a desperate moan, coating his hand in thick white cum. The sheer volume of it surprises you— makes you long for it inside of your mouth, inside of your cunt. Art wipes his hand off on his ruined shirt, peels it off and tosses it across the room.
And then it’s quiet. You’re still on your knees, he’s adjusting his boxers again. You’re overwhelmed with the need to just press a kiss to his skin— anywhere, really. His ankle, his knee, his thigh, his hand. Anywhere he’d let you.
“Go the fuck to sleep. You get the floor tonight.”
“I never get the floor,” you say weakly. You want back in his bed so you can just bunch his blankets up and grind against them until you cum or fall asleep. He gives you a pointed look and you sigh, settling onto the little nest of blankets and pillows he has prepared for himself.
You fall asleep pretty quickly— exhausted as the adrenaline of seeing Art jerk off in front of you wears off. He thinks you actually look really sweet, curled up at his feet like that. Like you belong there.
#🐞 anon#Patrick’s sister au#hngngngngngg almost wrote an alternate ending where r pretends she was blackout and didn’t remember anything#so he felt guilty for ‘taking advantage of her’#but no that’s too crazy….. right…..
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viktor x male disabled cane user reader
FEMALES, MINORS, NON MLM DNI
no season 2 spoilers. light mentions of s1 events? could be pre-s1 or during.
-- reader is implied to be like 2-4 years younger maybe?? he/him user. could be romantic or platonic. Jayce is here for a good time not a long time LMAO
safe for touch repulsed people, POC, fat, trans, and disabled readers. Written with a transmasc self-insert in mind. Could be any disability that causes pain and fatuige that reader uses a cane for. written by an author with either POTS and EDS or early arthritis.
People don't realize how embarrassing it is to be disabled and have to use an aid. To have the equivalent to a flashing sign that says "try to fix me!" on it. To be "too young" to use it, "too healthy".
Viktor was okay with nonody understanding. He's the Co-Scientist of Hextech, why would he care what some topsider thought? He never boticed how lonely it was to have nobody who gets it. Nobody who understands the frustration, all beacuse your body doesnt work normally. There's not a lot of topsiders that he sees with visible disabilities.
Jayce had been trying to get him to agree to let his friend work at the lab, sense he had went to engineering school a few years after Jayce and Viktor. Viktor, for good reasons, was hesitant to agree to have a stranger working on his lifes work. He agreed, though, when Jayce had sworn he was probably just as competent as them both, maybe more. Though, Viktor found that hard to believe.
The first day he seen him, He got to the lab during a Council meeting and was at his desk for most of the day. He left late into the evening, saying his goodbyes to Jayce and waving softly to Viktor, who reciprocated and went back to work before he left. For someone who prides himself on how observant he is, Viktor is shocked he didn't realize his new lab partners cane earlier on.
He only really noticed it because reader arrived later, something around ten AM. He had his cane in hand while he walked, bag over his shoulder as he yawned. Jayce greeted him, asking if he was okay just to get a curt "it's okay, I'm fine!" as reader sits at his desk.
Viktors mind had been going back to the younger man rather frequently that day, watching as he shifted on his stool, or tried to stretch his legs to get some of the pain to ease away to no avail. Viktor seen the look in his eyes, that haze. Jayce had went to get more parts, sense they had been low for a while and they needed them for their tasks that day. Around a half hour later, Viktor walked up to Readers desk, and sat in a spare stool.
He greets the other, Reader looking up at him as he mumbles a reply. "How ehm.. are you feeling?" he hesitantly asked. He wanted as Reader shifted, "I'm .. fine." He shrugs, taking a swig of his drink. Viktor lets him lie. It can be hard to admit you arent okay.
After a few minutes, Reader leans onto his desk. "..this sucks." he sighs, and Viktor nods. "да." Reader groans in frustration. "I dont know why I cant work like a normal guy." He mumbles, arns coming up to cusion his head. "Life is err.. Unfair, to good people." Viktor says, matter of fact. He scoots closer to Reader, not touching them. His presence is comforting enough though.
It's an unspoken "I'm here. I understand. I see you." and he hopes Reader feels it. He'll be here, whenever Reader needs to vent about it, if ever. Wether it be the frustration , The pain, or just.. How people treat you. He understands. And one day he hopes everyone will care enough to try and understand too.
#viktor arcane#viktor x reader#viktor arcane x reader#viktor arcane x male reader#viktor arcane x disabled reader#x male reader#x disabled user#x cane user reader#disabled characters#author is dyslexic#author speaks russian!#author has never written viktor dialogue before..#women dni#cis iwc#non mlm dni#minors dni#crippled writer#author uses a cane#disabled characters written by a disabled author.#like 50% beta'd#by me ..#✧₊⁺ ghostly writing . .
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thinking about how lowkey toxic a relationship with corpse would be....
warning, this is very angsty. to the point where i lowkey shed a tear writing this. and that doesnt usually happen lol.
gn!reader (as far as im aware) and sorry for the typos if there are any... 😁
anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list
it would prolly just start with you two hanging out. going over to his apartment, maybe hooking up once in a blue moon. but you two mainly cuddling and spending the days together in the dark rooms of his apartment.
he would try to hide from you how much pain he was in when you were around. but it wasnt hard to miss how he would wince at tiny movements and never be able to rest with you in his arms.
and when it got really bad, he hated how you helped him get around with no questions. how you so simply wanted to help him out because you cared. how you would even help him shower, bring in his groceries, cook for him, feed him if you had to.
he hated it because you cared more than anyone had before and you werent even dating. he wished you would just give up on him because it was too much. he wished you would just finally tell him 'hey... we need to talk' because maybe then it would be easier to hate you. but the truth is, he could never hate you. not anymore.
"so... you dont want to be in a relationship?" you asked quietly, confused more than anything. you look at his scarred face and messy head of dark curls. "...why?"
he sighed, "because this is too much," you scoffed, only more confused than before.
"what is?" you looked at him like he was crazy.
"...you," he said lowly, his voice resonating deep in his chest as he ran a hand over his face. you felt your heart pang as you diverted your eyes from him. you pursed your lips and your breathing got heavier. "well- not you- just-... this isnt worth the trouble im putting you through. that i will put you through."
"thats not for you to decide," you tell him, shaking your head at him. "I can choose when to call it quits and so far, im still fucking here."
you couldnt help but be offended. who wouldnt be after the person you care about is pushing you away. as far as you know, its unfair and incredibly ignorant.
"yea but how long until youre not?" he asked back angrily. "how long until you realize you can be doing so much more than taking care of me?"
"i dont want to be doing more! i want to be with you!" you tell him incredulously. he sighs and wets his lips, shaking his head at you. "do you just not want to be with me?"
he looks at you as if you had just said the earth was flat, "of course i do."
"so then why cant we?" you ask in complete exasperation. "what the fuck is the problem?"
"youre too fucking good for me!" he yelled back stepping closer to you. he threw his arms up in defeat, "is that what you want me to tell you? cause its fucking true. and i love you too much to let you rot away beside me."
your expression softens as your eyes dart back and forth between his eyes. in that moment you were speechless. and not because he had told you that he loved you, no you already knew that from his actions. it was the way he had said it. with more emotion than you could have expected from him.
"what if i wanted to 'rot away beside you'?" you asked him quietly.
"then you'd be an idiot," he says simply. "because we both know you have better shit to do. and better people to do that for."
you inhale deeply and release it as another exasperated sigh, "i love you," you say, emphasizing every word. "and its up to me whether or not i stay with you."
"and its up to me whether or not i want you here," he says crossing his arms. you feel you heart pang again, causing painful tingles to run down your arms and settle deep in your palms. "you need to run while you can. fucking get out of here before this gets more fucked up and shitty." you watched as he pointed between you two.
you step closer to him, "what are you so afraid of?" you plead to him with your eyes. just for this moment, for him to open up to you like how he had done hundreds of times before. "are you that scared I'll leave you cause you're what? 'too much'?"
he looked you in the eye, hesitating to speak for a moment. "i-..." he takes a deep breath. "yeah..."
you step closer, "youre not. not now. and it will only get easier." he starts shaking his head, backing away from you. "yes, it will! and if it ever gets to that point-"
"when it gets to that point," he tried correcting.
"no, if. because everything is an if," you say angrily. "you have no clue what its gonna be like. no fucking clue! so let us have this. while it lasts."
he sighs for what seems like the hundredth time that night, "i cant risk that."
"risk what? heartbreak? as if neither of us have gone through that before hundreds of times," you scoff.
"yeah, but ive never been heartbroken over someone like you."
"so then we hope that doesnt happen," you're trying. you're trying so hard to hold onto him. but your grasp is slipping. and he's trying to shake you loose.
"i cant take my chances," he shakes his head. "not this time."
"jesus fucking chirst!" you yell, tears welling up in your eyes. "let me love you! let me be with you! let me take care of you!"
"i cant let you do that! dont you fucking get it?!" he asks stepping closer to you until hes not even a foot away. "i dont want to see you leave! i cant have you around, cause when you do leave, i dont know what I'll do to myself!"
you stare into his eyes as your own vision starts to get blurry from unshed tears. you sniffle, keeping you gaze strongly on him. and you try one final time.
"so dont let me leave now, please," your voice comes out like a whisper. he swallows harshly and closes his eyes to stop his own tears from forming. "i dont want to move on from you when we havent even given it a chance."
"you'll have to," his voice matches yours. he opens his eyes and a tear falls as he looks at you. "fucking find someone who can actually hold you at night. who can make you dinner, who can give you a shower when you cant, who can actually fuck you when you want."
you tried to scoff, but it came out more like a sob, "i dont need that. i need you," your voice weak from the burn in the back of your throat. unshed tears welling up more.
"no you dont," he says, stepping closer. then leaning his forehead on yours. he closes his eyes, "please, go. for me."
your body racks out a sob, gasping for air to get out your next sentence. "if i leave, im just gonna wait for you."
he shakes his head against you, "no. no you wont."
"I'll wait until you realize you do deserve proper love." he continues to shake his head, pretending as if your words arent punching him right in the heart. "ill wait even if it takes you twenty fucking years."
"do you really think I'll survive twenty more years?" he asks with a laugh. you giggle back sadly, pursing your lips at the posibility of him dying. "do you really think I'll find my self-worth that soon?"
"I'll wait as long as i need to."
and you leave. with such a heavy heart but not without more tears than you could have imagined. and you try to move on. not easily but you put in an effort.
he writes songs with lyrics dedicated to you. written for you. whether its in a song about how he only want you at his side or how he has one person he will always be loyal to or about how his exes tried to chance him but one was different. you listen to it and somehow know its you.
you try to find a new partner to fill that void. but he will always be in your mind. as the right person but at the wrong time. the one that got away, if you will.
i like how angsty this was. anywayy, hope you enjoyed 😁😁 -nony
#corpse husband#corpse husband x reader#corpse#corpse x reader#corpse x you#corpse husband x you#angst#corpse angst#corpse husband angst#corpse husband x reader angst#corpse x reader angst#corpse x you angst#nony's back on her bs#aka im mentally ill#aka my angst is fireeee#alexa play fire by bts#nony speaks#teehee#help?
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Hello again Plumi! Normally i wouldn't be so informal with my dear customers, but I'm not here for business.
You see, there is this drawing that i would love for you to give me feedback of, this time it's about Cater.
( Text : Cater - "Prefect! Can i stay in your dorm for the night?" )
( Text : You - "Yeah, sure i guess?.. Don't know why you'd want to stay here but okay.. )
It was actually supposed to be yandere, believe it or not.
But it really doesn't look yandere, but just think of it as a yandere Cater that acts normal, like he's not a yandere.
( Note: The whole "trader" thing is just a roleplay, by the way )
BOTH OF THEM LOOK AMAZING!! BOTH OF THEM LOOK SO SILLY ID EAT THEM IF I COULD! Silly little caycay is such a fun yandere to do ad well! Man would 100% change how he portrays himself infront of you just to please you (or maybe scare you-)
Youll let him have a sleepover at your place tonight right? And the day after that, right?? You let those two dumbasses Ace and Deuce do it! Its unfair if he cant join as well!
.. he would rather it be just you two tho <3
(Hej guys ik ive been GONE- moved across the country to study, gmworking hard on doing my own game and accedentally forgetging my password to here, ive done it all. Im working on something big for yall tho, anyone who can guess what im working on correctly gets a free commission!!hint: it has to do with several students at nrc)
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— when he sees me
jeremiah fisher x gn!reader
genre: angst (lol)
synopsis: loving jeremiah fisher was hard. especially when he’s in love with someone else.
wc: 1.05k
part of the 1k celebration!
loving jeremiah fisher was always hard. you had only eyes for him, and you knew he only had eyes for belly. you tried desperately to distance yourself from those feelings, knowing you were putting more weight on your interactions with him.
every glance, every moment spent with him you ended up analyzing, trying to figure out if he felt even a fraction of what you felt. more often than not, you had to convince yourself that you were correct.
it felt like a bucket of ice had landed on top of your head when conrad and you came from his fina. seeing belly and jeremiah kiss knowing both you and conrad could come out at any moment made you stomach drop. it was the harsh wake up call that you needed.
conrad had interrupted them, and it all blurred in the background, your thoughts getting louder and overpowering. conrad took you away from them, taking you instead to help pack up his room.
you felt jealous, sadness and anger. belly wasn’t supposed to be with you guys. it was a last minute addition, and you felt jealous of her. she had the attention and affection of both fisher boys, while you pined over the younger fisher. it felt like a movie where she was the protagonist, and you just ended up being a unimportant side character.
the car ride with everyone was uncomfortable, and you tried blocking it out by putting in headphones. the cat’s movements made you drowsy, and it wasn’t until conrad slightly shook you awake that you noticed that you guys had stopped at a motel.
the atmosphere between the 4 of you seemed tense, and you felt out of place with their love triangle. they all bickered about the bed situation, and you felt as if the room was closing in on you.
running out of the room, you gasped for a breath and took a seat next to the vending machines. a tear rolled on your cheek and you hastily wiped it off, not wanting to let your guard down.
your name was called, and you looked up to see jeremiah standing there.
“are you okay?”
you nodded and took in a deep breath.
“yeah. i’m okay.”
he eyed you as if he didn’t fully believe you.
“are you sure? you ran out of there pretty quickly. i’m sorry if you feel like you’re in the middle of this whole thing—”
you squeezed your eyes shut and waved him off.
“it’s fine.”
“i know it’s an unfair position to be in, being stuck with all of us especially when belly and i-”
you stood up and balled your fists, letting your nails dig into the palms of your hands.
“jeremiah. i said it’s fine. can you drop it?”
you never were short with him, and it caught him off guard.
“what’s with you? are you upset at me too?”
you exhaled and your eyes darted everywhere but his face.
“it’s nothing. i don’t want to talk about it.”
“cmon, you’re my best friend. are you mad because we didn’t tell conrad?”
of course. he thought you were mad for conrad’s sake.
“no, jere but seriously drop it.”
“i wanna know what i did though! i cant stand you being mad at me.”
you felt like you were going to throw up, the words escaping you before you could react.
“i’m upset because of the kiss.”
your eyes widened and jeremiah stood there with a confused look.
“the kiss? it wasn’t intentional that conrad would see, he sort of just—”
“god! it’s not about conrad! why do you assume my feelings are about conrad? it’s because you kissed her.”
“it’s because i kissed her? what does that even mean?”
you sighed and slumped your shoulders. you knew you couldn’t run and hide from it like you always did, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to.
loving jeremiah fisher was hard, and you were tired of it being one sided. you wanted to be free of your feelings for the curly-haired fisher, wanting to just be his friend without analyzing his every move.
“i love you jeremiah. i have for a long time. so yeah i’m upset because you kissed her.”
“i-”
“do you know how hard it is to be your friend but be in love with you? do you realize seeing you look at her the same way i look at you kills me? no. you don’t. because everything is about conrad and how he feels and how belly feels and how you feel. i cant keep doing this to myself. it’s not fair.”
“doing what?” his words came out like a whisper, so faint that if you weren’t standing face to face you wouldn’t have heard him.
“this” you gestured between the two of you “this friendship. i cant do this anymore. at least not right now. it hurts too much.”
he was silent, mouth shut and his eyes holding a swirl of emotions.
“listen. i’m going to go back into the room, and i’ll take the bed with conrad. he’s aware of how i feel, and it’s just gonna be easier. we’ll talk in the morning.”
you pushed past him, and walked back to the room. pulling conrad to the side you kept him up to speed, ignoring the obvious longing and jealous look belly was giving you. it felt ironic that she was jealous of you when you were nothing but jealous of her.
the rest of the night went with you ignoring both belly and jeremiah. curling into conrad’s side, you finally let the tears fall silently and soak his shirt. he wrapped his arms around you, the two of you understanding how the other felt.
come morning, you quickly got ready and dressed before everyone else was up. getting out of the room you quickly found cell service and ordered an uber.
the car came for you quickly and you climbed in, making sure you had all your bags. you sent a text to conrad letting him know you left early for home and to not tell the others and turned your messages on mute.
putting your headphones in, you finally let yourself really cry, leaning your head against the window.
loving jeremiah fisher was hard, but you knew getting over him would be harder.
#jeremiah fisher#belly x jeremiah#jeremiah fisher x reader#jeremiah fisher x y/n#team jeremiah#tsitp conrad#tsitp jeremiah#tsitp#tsitp s2#the summer i turned pretty#tsitp belly#conrad fisher#tsitp season 2#pariswrites#gavin casalegno
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Yandere! Kalim x reader, but yandere but they're bad at their jobs au. Like one minute Kalim act all sadistic and dark then the next thing when reader asked if he wants some pets he went to his usual happy sunshine puppy that demands pets
yes~~ presious baby boi just wants love but he so spoil x3
what i also like to think about with yandere kalim is that he knows right and wrong but its so water down for him that "he just cant help it ^^
For fun, im making this into a modern mafia au ^^
~Just trying to help~
Yan!Boss!Kalim x Worker!mc
Warnings: power dymanmic, mafia mention, violence mention, nsfw hints, death?, manipulation
~~~~~
The Asim, they are known for their wealth and their trades. They're a super big powerful family with a lot of people (both loyal and not loyal) under them. They kind of give "untouchable kings" vibes. Theyre still really nice to their "people", you just don't see them a lot, or at all really. The only way to really "talk to them" is by talking to someone in their circle but there are layers into that circle. some people thinks that their family is shady, like the rich people act is a persona to hide something but no one really has proof.
But you really don't have to worry about that. You have your own stuff to worry about, like living expenses. You were basically living on the streets, barely living. You did side jobs to get by. maybe you'll clean or maybe you'll babysit. when you were a kid, you always wanted to help people. But with your home life, money, you couldn't really get to your dreams even if you tried. you stopped school pretty early and its a little too late for you to get back into it. plus what school will accept you. you lived in a community where rich gets richer and medium class becomes poor... I guess that's where you are, what your luck...
you were heading to your next "job" place. you had to clean for a really sweet old couple, the Wrights. They couldn't afford much either but they try to help you whenever they can. Example, you clean places that they cant reach, in exchange they give you dinner, as much as they can. you always wish them good health. they are too sweet for this unfair world.
you were lost in your head, enjoying the memories and conversation you had with them. But when you to their place, you see 3 grown men towering over Mr. Wright.
"please understand.. we aren't here for trouble but your son does owe us some money. were just here to collect."
"please.. we havent seen our son in months. hes not here."
"come on, blue carb! i wanna go home! if you dont tell us-"
"Floyd, we aren't here for threats."
"hmm..? oh my... what do we have here?"
the light hair man turn to you with a very scary smile. You didnt have time to take even a step when one of the men grabs you by the arm. he had teal hair with a black stirp. he had awful smile that showed off his sharp teeth.. the smile looked every threatening..
"were just here to talk about business, why dont you scram shrimpy."
you started to tremble and turned to Mr. Wright. he gave you a weak smile and moved his hand like to shoo you away.
"go on dear. it'll be okay."
you gulped in terror but you dug your heels into the ground. if you didn't, who knew what these shady guys would do to this kind old couple.
"h-he.. said he hasn't seen his son! n-ow get out of here before i call the police!!"
"..."
".."
"..."
everyone got quiet.. no one moved.. the men seem stun by your outburst. the man, that was holding you, didn't seem to like your outburst and gripped your arm, harder. it hurts..!
"tck.. im getting really annoyed, shrimpy... Should break your arm to show you-"
"actually Floyd, i have a better idea."
the light hair man walks up to you and hands you a card.
"i am Azul Ashengrotto. i run a cafe called the Mostro Lounge and Mr. Wright's son has owe us a pretty penny~"
The way he spoke gave you chills. You hated it. it was too sweet when you knew that the words he spoke are laced with poison.
"What if-..."
You had to take a long deep breath, you're risking a lot for even thinking this... but you had to. you were the only able person to protected these people who gave you more than you've asked.
"what if... i worked for you..? i'll work for you, pay off the owe money and you'll have to leave Mr. and Mrs. Wright alone! Deal..?"
the light hair man pauses.. then smiled. he put his hand out for a handshake.
"Its a Deal."
when you took his hand, that was it. you had to say goodbye to your home away from home. you gave mr.wright a smile and left with the strange men...
~~~
the next few weeks you learned what they did, kind of, and what they needed of you. they didn't tell you 100% of everything but you were supposed to be their servant, or an errand boy, or something like that?
the job wasn't bad at all. you cleaned, get anything they need, run things for them. sometimes they call you for... personal reasons. In exchange you get 3 meals a day and a comfortable room. which honestly, you weren't complaining. before, you would have one meal a day and even sleep on either a hard floor or a gross mattress. At this rate, after you finish paying off the Wright's debt, you might just stay here.
sometimes the job brings pretty scary people that show up out of nowhere. they often had big weapons to their side, some would have the weapons ready and loaded. Jade, Floyd, or Azul often gets you out of the way and most times tell you to cover your ears and close your eyes. sometimes they have you clean up their messes after these scary men... "leave." you knew better but you cant really say or do anything about it so.. you just don't question it.
after a month, you thought you get used to your new home life now but- you accidentally ran into someone or someone ran into you.
"oh my-! are you okay? im so sorry!! i-"
"no no! its okay. i should have been more careful."
the mysterious man helped you up. he had bright red eyes and white white that complement his dark skin every nicely. he had a black dress shirt and a red suit with gold accents, red dress pants to match. when he helped you up, you notice he's hands are really soft. big contrast to your hands.
"I'm sorry again."
he was about to run away but stopped and sheepishly turn and smile at you. it kind of reminded you of a happy teenage.
"actually... do you know where the Mostro lounge is? i... i think im lost. hehe." he scratched the back of his head. the embrassement on his face was slowly growing on you because he kept smiling.
it was kinda weird to see someone around here with such a bright smile..? like an genuine smile or maybe hes just a good actor or something..? you cant say.
"oh.. its a left then a right." you poked.
"kk! thank you~"
he turned and ran away again. you were about to leave but he stopped you again.
"can you actually walk with me there..? i asked directions before and got lost.. hehe~ pretty please?"
with his charming smile, you couldnt help but smile back.
"okay, follow me."
during your walk there, he asked a few question. they were harmless questions, enough. favorite colors? favorite food? favorite animals? where have you been? favorite places to go? etc.
when you got there a tall man with dark skin and long beautiful black hair rushed to your side, well more like to the other man.
He had the same outfit as the white hair man but they both wore it differently. which wasnt a bad thing. it compliment their personalities. Like jade, floyd, and azul do with their suits too.
"Kalim! where have you been?! we just left the elavoter and you were gone from my sights?! why did you-?"
"oh ya! i saw this pretty ocean theme pillows and i wanted to get some but you had my wallet hehe~ so... can i get them? they be perfect for-!"
"no. ugh..."
you felt really uncomfortable... it was like a mother scolding her kid... the black hair man looked at you. you shifted your feet uncomfortably.
"who are you? i dont remember you from our last visit?"
you raise your hands up and backed up slightly. people here are either very suspicious, they often come to see azul for his deals, or naive soul, that came for the ocean-like atmosphere.
"im just a-"
two arms snaked around you. you started to freak out. this is how you die--!!!
"shrimpy!! where's my drink~~? ive asked it for about... like 10 minutes ago~~~"
Oh! its just Floyd. he practicely moaned in your ear. it was a lot to get used to Floyd's mood swings. but you learn to avoid him when hes upset or just do want he says and not say too much. if he tries to tease you, he often gets bored and wonders to do who knows what.
"oh! hi sea snake! hi sea otter!"
"Floyd.. for the last time, stop calling us-
"hi Floyd!! haha!"
the white hair man jumped up and join the hug! you were getting crushed between these two... you were patting their backs in a way to say "okay thank you but-- that enough..!!! im dying! let me go!"
"jamil! Kalim! its great that you made it! a bit late but- i cant say im suprised."
"tsk.. hello jade... azul..."
the dark hair man, pulled the white hair man off you. it helped but Floyd is still squeezing you like he was trying to kill you, not literally... hopefully.
"ah.. its seems that you met our new hire. Jamil, Kalim, this is (mc)."
you, trying your best with the situation youre in with floyd right now, bowed your head as jade introduced you.
"hehe. we found shrimpy when we were at the Wright's place."
"did you get the money..?"
"no~ they were being stubborn but (mc) offer to pay off the money that was owed so i cant complain too much."
azul spoke and rubbed your head like a kid. you didnt like how they were talking about you like you werent there. or rather, talking about the Wrights like they were bad.. but you held your tongue. you didnt want to get them mad... especially when floyd is still holding you.
"ohh.. poor (mc). dont worry, well protect you from those mean people. im kalim, Kalim al-asim!"
"Kalim!"
"and thats jamil, Jamil Viper."
"Kalim! dont give our names to strangers! you dont even know them-"
"Well then~ we'll just have to just spend time with them!"
Kalim.. Kalim al-asim.... an Al-Asim.. Al-Asim! This smiling ray of sunlight is an Asim??
apparently your face paled because Kalim reached for your face and held your face into his hands. he gave you a giggle and smiled as he massage your cheeks in his hands.
"hehe youre so cute. after our meeting with Azul, i want to hangout with you on your break. when is it? hmm?"
you turned to Azul, he nodded his head in approval.
"i-its.. its in 2 hours from now.. sir.."
"hehe.. no need to talk so formal. just call me Kalim. And okay, on your break, meet me by the front door of the Mostro lounge, kk?
"y-yes.. kalim.."
he gave you a smile and all the 5 men started to head to Azul VIP room..
what did you get yourself into....
~~~
You've been spending a lot of your time with kalim as of late. To the point where you felt guilty for leaving work.. but you'd feel more guilty for saying no to kalim. You tried once. It was one too many.
You initially wanted to keep some distance. But with kalim's smile and charisma, you couldn't say no. Kalim always found a way to have lots of fun and he will always include you too.
Every time you came back to the Mostro lounge, floyd gives you a stink eye and a "why wasn't i invited~?" whine. Jade gives you his creepy smile and does a weird thing by leaning in and asking "did anything exciting happened~?", whatever that means. Azul doesn't seem upset at all. It made you anxious. Is he marking down your pay when you're out with kalim..? You checked your accounts and you were still getting payed for your work but.. you didn't do any work..?
You decide to talk to azul about it. You didn't want something like this be in the air, with someone as slimy as azul.. and with money no least!!
You knocked.
"Um.. azul..? Are you busy?"
You peeked through the door of Azul's office, and they vip room.
"... no. What do you need..?
he was working on some papers and he looked.. unpleased.
"I.. ill ask later."
You tried to take your leave befor-
"You wanted to ask about your pay..?"
You slowly turn to him. His face hasn't changed from that unpleased expression.
"Y-yes sir.."
Azul sighed, lend back into his chair, took off his glasses and rubbed his face as he let's out another sigh.
"Kalim is... renting you."
What..?
"And he also requested for you to still get payed because, his words.. 'they're still working.'"
He started to stare at you. You didn't think he meant it to look intimidating, because he can't see you, he doesnt have his glasses on. But it still was very unpleasant.
You were at lost of words. Kalim al-asim... is renting you..? You weren't mad but you weren't happy too. Spending time with kalim is really fun and his personality is really refreshing. But being told you were 'rented out' feels.. dehumanizing. But with your life, you can really feel anything else..
"Is that all..?"
"Yes sir.."
"Good, you may leave."
You bowed your head and left, making sure to close the door softly behind you.
What do you do now..?
~~~
Now after every visit from kalim, the moment becomes a little sour. He's paying azul to spent time with you, but why? He's an al-asim. He could get anything he wants right? Why would he spend time with a common rat like you..?
What are you to him?
"(Mc)? You okay?"
You looked up and kalim was really close to you! You jolted and lean back
"I-im okay! Its just.. work. Heh.. work just be exhausting and im just.. I'm okay!"
You smiles, you didn't notice that kalim stopped smiling.. he was still looking at you but just not smiles. it would have scared you to your core if it wasnt for you trying to change the topic by looking at the scenery. A minute past and his smile came back, brighter.
"Why don't you come with me then?"
"huh..?"
"You could live in the al-asim estate and you don't have to lift the finger! Serverts will come to your every beckon call and you get to live.. like an Asim."
As you were staring at him, lost of words, he gently took your hand. You didnt even noticed it until he pulled your hands to his lips and kissed it.
"K-kalim! I-"
Before you could finish your sentence, he stood in front of you and got on one knee.
You felt sick
"(Mc)... "
You felt dizzy
"Will you-"
This has to be a dream!!!
"Be mine?"
He sweet innocent smile made you feel sick. How can can someone so dangerous be so naive?!? You bearly knew him! He bears knew you!!
"I.. i-i have to go!!"
You ran off, back to Mostro Lounge, back to your room, leaving a sad otter left on one knee..
~~~
You were in your room for 3 days..
You weren't payed for those days but you didnt care..
You felt sick and a little guilty. Kalim looked so sad when you left him. Maybe when you see him again... you could apologize and explain yourself..? By the seven! Would he still be mad at you? Will he order for you to be erased??
You felt nausea.
You needed to get some water.
Luckily it was night time, you wouldn't likely run into floyd, jade, or azul.. maybe?
You walked through the dark halls, only using your memories and the walls to guide you.
You were lost in thought and didn't realize a figure coming up behind you. By the time you did noticed, the figure quickly over powered you and you were imbraced into darkness.
~~~~
[Before the proposal]
"Azul!!? how much does the Wrights owe!?"
Kalim bursted into Azul's office, with a tired Jamil following behind.
"ah! K-Kalim! you know you have to make an ap-"
"i know i know! this is important though!!"
Kalim rushes up to Azul's desk, slamming his hands down on to the desk and leaned over to Azul. he was like a jumping dog..
"i want to ask (mc) to marry me!!"
everyone froze and even jade and Floyd, they were walking by, looked at Kalim like he was crazy.
"Kalim! I know your father has told you about being an Al-Asim and your responsibility to your family and making an hair but not like this!!"
"come on, Jamil~ they're perfect~ they're sweet and kind. they're responsible and hard working, like father wanted. they're just... perfect!"
Kalim goes through his phone and looks at pictures of you he took when you hanging out with him and even ones he requested from Jade and Floyd, secret cameras. They vary between you working and you when you think youre alone...
Azul rubs his face and gives a long sigh.
"look kalim. Even if your display of affection is definitely... something... (mc) is still working the Wrights' debt off. if they're not here then-"
"oh! that's another amazing thing about them! they were willing to help the Wrights without even knowing what they were getting themselves into. with the amount of debt the Wrights have, (mc) would be working until they're in their 70s. Thats why i need to protect them, do they even know about the Wrights 'situation'?"
Floyd lays on the couch in the VIP room, with candy in his mouth.
"nope! Jade thought it would help (mc) stay motivated to work. you saw how upset they got whenever we talk about the Wrights. they're so cute but so obedient that they don't even asked what they did to get in their situation, HAHA! silly shrimpy~!"
Floyd laughs and Jade chimes in.
"To be fair, we did get them out of a 'dangerous situation'. what the Wrights were doing to them was shameful.. Saying their debt was all because of their son, who has been dead for 10 years, and saying they dont have money but is found actively going to clubs spending more. the fact that they're living in the poorest town, and looking like weak old people. they're fooling everyone with the act. Everyone, including (mc)~"
Jamil turned and glared at Azul.
"wait-.. you didn't even tell them..? and you kept them working here?"
"think whatever Jamil, someone has to pay the debt off."
"i can pay it!"
Kalim looks at Azul, he was giving a determined look. Azul sighs again, why is everyone in his office. He has too much work to do.
"i know you can but you know-"
"in exchange, give me (mc)."
Jamil was about to stop Kalim but-
"(mc), yes, they work here under false pretenses but they have became a big asset to us. if you were to take them, it will take a long time to replace them."
Kalim walks closer to azul. with his serious expression, to say left everyone on edge was an understatement.
"i will pay 3x the Wrights' debt... as long as i get (mc)."
Azul looks at Kalim and a sick smile appears. He held out his hand.
"Its a Deal."
~~~~
This took so long! but i did it! i hope you guys enjoy it. if you guys like me to draw something for this, just ask, until then, back into my wips qwq
#twst fanart#twst#twst headcanons#twst wonderland#disney twst#yandere twst#disney twisted wonderland#art#digital art#twst x reader#twst kalim x reader#twst kalim al asim x reader#kalim al asim#twst kalim#kalim x reader#twisted wonderland kalim#kalim twisted wonderland#kalim twst#twst mafia au#twisted wonderland mafia#twst yandere kalim#twst kalim al asim#twst yandere
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𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐫
finnick odair x fem!reader
summary: |soulmate au|as you sit in the sand with your soulmate, finnick during the midst of the 75th hunger games, he starts to toy with you telepathically. (blue quotations mean their talking telepathically)
request: Hello! I saw the soulmate au you did and I love it! You mentioned liking to write it so I’m here to request another soulmate au that I haven’t seen very many people do! Can you do an imagine where Finnick and reader have already met each other and already know that they’re soulmates, and they can telepathically communicate with one another? Maybe they’re in the Games together and Finnick is just telepathically flirting with her for some reason, and Katniss and Peeta are confused to why you’re smiling for no reason?
"I know we could die any second, but you look gorgeous"
you sucked the side of your cheek as finnicks voice swims into your mind, you don't even dare to look at him as you and the rest of the small group sit together on the beach
"aw, come on love, don't ignore me"
you had a deal with him not to do this often in the games. it muffles your hearing and the things he says distract you all together
"thank goodness for those game makers, or whoever made that suit, it hugs your body so-"
"finnick. what do you want?"
"there you are"
"I'd assume we'd take first watch tonight after you and finnick did it last night...thank you for that by the way" katniss sighs as she finishes the short conversation she had on the side with peeta.
you try and snap out of his thoughts as he stares daggers at you with a stupid grin on his face you try and block his words out
"fuck I cant wait to marry you...and have children...boy or girl?"
"uh.." you cough as you scratch your face, trying to focus on katniss as her brows start to furrow and peeta side eyes you
"boy or girl?"
"I'd really.."
"answer them."
"I'd really appreciate that guys...thanks" you clear your throat as you want to bury yourself in the sand from embarrassment. he's toying with you, unfair.
"alright...Finnick, whats your thoughts on the ocean back there, is the fish safe to eat, or do you not wanna risk it?" Peeta chimes up, perfect.
"remember when we were younger and I told you I wanted two boys" you grin as you stare at him innocently, he clears his throat and sits up slightly to try and focus.
"I think now I want two girls...or maybe one girl, one boy...what would there names be, love?"
"I'd..um...I'd have to check" he stumbles, flip-flopping on his words as his cheeks glow red
"Ok, do you think they're safe though?" katniss says, annoyed.
"or remember that time at home when we had to go to a dinner party and you walked out in a suit"
"right, sorry"
"I tried not to jump on you allll night."
he audibly let out an airy laugh, obviously remembering the memory
"you failed miserably, love" your shocked to see him chime in, he eyes you with an almost bit-back smile
"there you are"
"Finnick can you answer us please?" she almost yells
"you looked so handsome"
"I- uhm...I can't"
"answer them."
"I don't...I can't say...I'll take a look and tell you then" he breaths out, happy the torture is over
"okay. what the fuck is going on" katniss sits up as she looks at you both
"you guys keep eyeing each other and can't seem to answer the simplest questions. and I don't think that poison mist affects your speech pattern" she bites and you just laugh bitterly
"I'm gonna take a look at the fish now" Finnick stands, embarrassed.
"yeah you do that" katniss scoffs
"love you" you tell him as he turns to walk backward, looking at you as he mouths the words "love you too"
an: omggg this was so much fun to write! thank you so much for enjoying the last soulmate au, its really fun to dip into different and au's and such so this is really cool! ilysm <333
#finnick odair fluff#finnick odair x reader#finnick odair imagine#finnick x y/n#finnick odair#finnick odair x you#finnick odair fanfic#finnick odair rp#finnick odair headcanons#thg headcanons#thg fanfiction#thg rp#thg finnick#thg x reader#the hunger games#the hunger games rp#the hunger games imagine#the hunger games fanfiction
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