#why cant i draw strong sad the same in every drawing he always looks different

[sadtusk]

if anyones wondering what ive been doing for the past 3 school days its this lol

[timextoxhajima]

ATEEZ as things and feelings

@haechanhues​ don’t mind me just doing it again cause i liked it uwu maybe i should just change to doing headcanons LMAOOOO

as i wrote this, i realised the members of ateez have really cultivated a specific image for themselves (eg. hongjoong as a fashionista, hwa as the mom, yunho has a big bear etc) and so i really hope that these are at least some part of their real identities and it’s not just kq forcing it down their throats ;(

HONGJOONG - BOUTIQUES AND EXPENSIVE CAFES 

there’s just something very sophisticated about joong, though he’s absolutely refined and clean-cut (despite that whole jack sparrow get up in their rhythm ta stage)

because he loves fashion and dressing himself up, he can’t tolerate how much you don’t care about the clothes you’re wearing! he knows EXACTLY what would make you look even better and what would totally boost your confidence and so he wouldn’t hesitate to drag you out to a boutique, whether it’s for thrifting or it’s one of those expensive ones like Dior

he’ll spoil you because he can, and because he wants to

he also has a knack for pretty settings, so that expensive cafe down the street that sells mediocre coffee but with a STUNNING exterior? he’ll bring you there just so you can be his photographer and he can be yours

you know when the coffee sucks but he still manages to contain his facial expressions and not hurl? yeah that’s joong being classy

the sophistication needed in everything simple and possibly disastrous

“i know the coffee sucks but look at our instagram now”

SEONGHWA - ROAD TRIPS AND HOME COOKED FOOD

honestly are you an atiny if you don’t agree with this

it’s been about a year since i started stanning ateez and my first impression of hwa is that he’s actually very timid and shy and awkward when it comes to firsts

on stage is a completely different story

so i’d assume he’s probably the same in private, ie he’s aggressive and dedicated when it comes to things he loves to do, but probably a little more timid and worrisome when it comes to people/things he’s not familiar with, but that doesn’t stop him from trying out new things and setting off on an adventure!

you’d be the one to surprise him with an impromptu trip, thinking that he’d be happy to escape but no he worries about clothes, packing, the weather, the itinerary-

it takes you a good amount of energy and convincing to tell him to calm down and that you’ve got every thing down, so he can just busk in the joy of being with you in a completely foreign land

he would also be the kind to try grocery shopping overseas then figure out how to make do with the ingredients

he’s home even when you’re not back in your house

“i made chicken soup with a mix of... whatever that was because the lady said it’s a local delight and that it should go well with chicken-”

YUNHO - OVERSIZED PULLOVERS AND CUDDLES

PLEASE this is self-explanatory no??????????????

a big, giant, fluffy, adorable bear! 

it’s literal - as big as his clothes are on you, he acts like them as well - making sure you’re comfortable and warm and you have your own space

i feel like yunho would be the kind that shows care and concern and sometimes he doesn’t really know when to stop, and so he figures out your boundaries just so that you would be comfortable around him

whenever you’re sad or depressed or you just had a shit day, he’ll always be there for you to hug or even vent your anger

sometimes you’d get frustrated with him because he’s too nice at work too and get trampled over and then all your feelings build up and there you have it, he’ll cradle you like a baby and tell you not to waste your feelings on things that don’t really matter

he’ll tell you he’s okay, as long as you’re okay

“please don’t cry, it’ll bloat your face tomorrow morning :(”

YEOSANG - PLAYING AROUND WITH TECH STUFF AND VIDEO GAMES

he’s not the most talkative person, no, but that’s exactly what draws people. he’s always listening, always watching, but never really saying anything, and lucky for you, he says everything when he’s engaged in something he likes

he’s known for his stellar concentration, so it’s no surprise when he’s able to figure out that new tech thing he got and figure it out within the first 10 minutes, thereafter, you take the chance to get him to talk about anything and everything you want him to

he takes awhile to warm up to people, sometimes very mechanical like the things he likes to play with, but when he does, his care is silent

he buys the Bluetooth keyboard you need cause your laptop keyboard is wonky

he buys the cute marvel themed mouse pad cause your current one is peeling

then when you got him that xbox, his competitiveness hopped out like doomsday and he’d trash you on a good day with a lack thereof of mercy when it comes to verbally trashing you

but on some shitty days when he can read your tiredness and frustration, he lets you win

“give me that mouse pad, it’s almost as messed up as you.”

SAN - ABANDONED PLACES AND LIGHTHOUSES

scary on first sight/impression, yet nothing but a place full of memories that was once full of life - that’s san for you

i think he’s very intimidating on stage, which is exactly how many abandoned places are marketed on the media - haunted, ghosts, murderers, weird plants and insects etc, but what about the history of those places before they went to shit?

there’s so much more to it than what you see

adventure, wander and thrill-seeking overwhelms you when he’s around. there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of. 

lighthouses - where you find your way, and that you’ll never get lost

people tend to lose sight of what they love and want in life and san would probably be able to inspire you to get back on track, by the sheer force of his own passion and vision for himself

“run with me and we’ll see the light together!”

MINGI - MISMATCHED OUTINGS AND PLAYFUL TACKLING

ok when i say mismatched outings i mean it in the way that he’d dress up and ask you to dress up BUT you’d find yourself at a cheaper/more coffee-shop like eatery instead of a restaurant

he has fun admiring how pretty you are on the way there, but when he pulls you up to a coffee shop you’re like what? then why did i dress up so nicely for?

mingi knows that you depend on your appearance alot for confidence, so he really wants to see that pride when you’re out with him

lazy pajamas and messy hair are reserved for sleepovers and for days when you don’t really feel like doing much - and of course he’ll be there to comfort you when you need it

i think he’ll find absolute joy in pulling you close and wrapping his longass coat around you on the colder autumn/winter days, and then he’ll ruffle through your hair and you cant run because of his coat and arm wrapped around you

will definitely get judged by passerbys 

but like the mismatched outfits x location, he really doesn’t care. it’s the company he cares about. it’s the condition of his company he cares about. it’s the food he cares about. not the reputation, not the pure material of someone’s clothes

“i know i told you to dress pretty but must you outdo me all the time” /insert pouty face/

WOOYOUNG - EXPERIMENTAL COOKING AND PRANK CALLING

omg the noise pollution

‘let’s call yeosang’

‘what for?’

‘just ‘cause’

and you’ll do it on your phone because wooyoung knows yeosang won’t pick it up if it’s from his phone, and so when he does pick up and he hears you say ‘hello’ with the most amount of guilt in your voice, he tells wooyoung to fuck off and hangs up

seonghwa would be your next victim but hwa would stay on the line just so he wouldn’t have to worry about coming back to a burnt down kitchen - not because he thinks wooyoung can’t cook, but because wooyoung gets absolutely distracted with you around and would want to impress you with his culinary skills, which more often than not, backfires

pranks aside, all wooyoung wants to do is to make you laugh or smile and make the time spent with him the most fun and worthwhile

even if it meant getting into trouble with his members, he decides it’s worth the risk if it means he gets to see you happy and full from eating the food he prepares

like his experimental dishes, every joke and bs pun he says is new and never fails to amuse you - even if you don’t actually laugh

you see a new side to him with every passing day and he can be sensitive if he wants to, or completely clown himself if he wanted to as well

“don’t complain about the food! i bothered to cook for you and you complain about it?!”

JONGHO - APPLE PICKING AND PLAYFUL ARM WRESTLING

the one time you let him snap your apple into half cause your teeth hurt and now he snaps all your apples in half and it’s becoming more of a joke over anything else

finally decided to go to an apple orchard for the lols and amuse the people there with his apple breaking skills

you’re extra amused everytime he manages to do it (because how?????) and he adores seeing that on you - you’re honestly not easy to entertain so he’s a simp for when he’s the reason why you are

it came to a point where you got curious how strong he was because he hasn’t revealed one bit of skin ever since you’ve met him

it started out as you actually challenging him, but when you lost with two hands against his one hand, he started teaching you techniques on how to win instead

of course, he’s never let you beat him because he knows it’ll hurt your pride if he does

very, very quiet and subtle care - makes apple juice from the leftover apples he has at home and brings it to school for you

sometimes asks wooyoung to make dried apple chips for you but tells you he bought it cause he doesn’t want you to know he troubled someone

“are the apple chips too sweet? i can buy you another brand”

[randomsevans]

a long , long time

Weekly challenge

@donutloverxo

@captain-rogers-beard 

hasn't been read through so please ignore  the mistakes please 

this is sorta a continued  of  ROSE  , but can be read by its self 

How ? 

How can you do this ? How are you going to keep going ? Why did he do this ? Why leave you ? Why leave his daughter ? why her , why is it always her ? 

you dont know how your going to do this ,you dont know how your gonna cop being a single parent , you dont know how you are going to do it alone ,. More importantly how are you going to get over him ?

How are you ever going to get over Steve Rogers ?

one thing is for sure , you have to for the sake of your daughter . Even though you will never love another , because Steve no matter what will always be your first and only love and that why it hurts so much .But you need to at  least be strong for your daughter , she just lost her father.

Time , time is all you need .

===================================

it was a random Sunday , at a random park where Steve sat , He knows that he has just when back to ever one , but he hasn't showed his face yet.  He looked around the park as the tree rustle against the wind as the odd person or two passes by . At this moment he feels peace .He had lived a beautiful life , with the women he truly loves and he wouldn't change .A life with Peggy , a life in his time was everything Steve wanted and got . 

But for him the last 8 years or so haven't been easy , with old age playing effect on him ,the snap  and the death of his love he was mostly been by himself . leaving him more time to think about them , her , you , his daughter . wonder what it would be like if he stay , how you are , did you meet some one else ? the thought sickens steve your his wife ... wait was his wife and what about his daughter he doesn't want another man raiser her .But what thats what it like now he made his choice and no matter what life he picked , it would always be filled with what ifs / and questions , theory on how he life would of went .

He buried the memory of you and his daughter for so long , Peggy never knew he had a  daughter or a wife . His other children never know that there have a sister who is the same age as their grandchildren . He never thought about you , not untill it came to the years where he knew some place in the world right now , you and his younger self where together , meeting , working , dating , married , a child all together . And now your by your self .

on the days like when he asked you to marry him , got married  he thought about you all day , was so so temper to go and see you and him self , but it was to risky . he remember everything , every detail to your hair , dress , your shocked face when he got on his knee . the small tear that rolled down your cheek where saying your “i dos “ . He would sit there on those days buying a single rose and drawing you. 

even on the day you were born you never left his mind , he find it quiet funny and sad on that day , thinking this is the day his wife was born , but also all the pain that was to come your way , that he couldnt do anyhing about

But htere were days like the 7th of January 2020 were he couldn't just sit there by himself with his thoughts . He made his way to a random hospital in Brooklyn . He sat outside on a bench for hours , people would pass by ask if was okay an odd nurse or too  would come up and ask if he was a patience . unknowingly to them his daughter , his eldest , yet youngest chronologically was being born . He sat there for hours thinking and remembering , the first time he holded her , her first steps , the annoyed look  on your face when her first word was “pa “ , he remember how happy he was , he swears he never smiled so wide so happy , spinning his daughter around promising her the world because she said dad first . He chucked at the memory . He left sortly after not getting a glance at you or his daughter since he could risk seeing his self .

that was roughly three years ago and on that day every year he would celebrate in one why . he would also send her a gift which he knows he should but he couldn't stop him self  .

Now he sits here on this bench, knowing soon he will have to see everyone well at least Bruce and Bucky to tell them not his okay an nothing went wrong . He was so lost in his thoughts he didnt notice the little girl run passed and trip over a rock right in frount of him

the girl had pushed her hands ifrount of her to try and save her self and let out a little cry . Steve got up the fastest her could , he reach of her hand and helped her up , while looking around to see if there was anyone running after her , not yet anyway .

the little girl was now up on her feet , with small sniffles . Her hair was long and blonde covering her face in all different direction . Her little hands trying to push her hair out of her face . Steve kneeled down to help her . 

“ are you ok....”

he stop , his old heart began to beat face , his eyes wide 

“ Sarah ?”

the sight of his daughter broke him , he didnt realise how much he  missed her , his first child , the one he promise to always be around .

“ hmm “ was the onlt thing that came out of her . she glanced up to meet steves eyes . Blue meet blue , the same blue

Hers widen , in shook  , she looked like she was about to cry .

“ h ... how do yo. you know ..my ..n..name “ she coked on every word , taking her time .

Steve was silent  he didn't know what to say , the fact that his daughter that he left behind was right infrount of him. 

her mouth only widen as she brought her tiny hand up towards steve face and pointed at his teary eyes .

“ y.. you ... you stole my daddy's eyes “ her little face scrunched up angerly  

he slighlt chuckled shaking his head “ n..no i didnt blue “

her hand quickly wet to her side at the name 

“wh... onli  daddy cowlds me t..hat “

“ i..  i know “ his tears now fully streaming downs his eyes .

“how?” she asked quickly 

“be..because ..” he truly didnt know what to say

“ your my daddy ?” 

he forget how smart she was , she may only be three but even Tony said shell grew up to be a genius and has the smartest around about an 8 year old the least time there checked 

he nodded his head in relief , the little girl only seem to grow anger as she place her hand on his cheek .

“liar .. my daddy is young .... my daddy will hurt you .... my daddy is c.cap .. amwerica  he .. does good ..and doesn't liek liars “ but then she paused for a moment her eyes grew red and her lip trembled “b...but his a li..liar ... he l...my daddy ..left me “ 

and with that she fell to the ground with aloud sob , and Steve went with her , both crying on the floor

“ h..”

“mm im sorry blue ...but i am your .. daddy ?” he knows he shouldn't but he couldn't help it his little girl right there crying over him , his heart is breaking and dying 

“how could i ever leave her ? “but he did 

“ho.. how ?” you looked up 

he stay silent how do you tell you daughter you left her and her mother to grow old with some one else.

“ how do i know your .. not lying ?”he glared at him . the same expression she shares with you , he let out a small chuckled , his daughter asking all the right question , she she so much like you . 

“ i call .. you blue be..because  we both .. have blue eyes “ a small smile placed on his lips , at the memory of finding the perfect  nickname of his daughter   . 

she just nodded in agreement staring him down . he smile shiftig on his bony knees . 

“ yo.. your first word was pa ... your birthday is 7th of January , you cant go to sleep with out  piggy .. yo..you favoit food is cookie .. double double chocolate chips that antie nat makes .... you love that silly little show that .. “ 

“the song “ she cut him off 

“what ?” he titled his head 

“ if you are really my daddy .. you know the song “ her eyes soften almost coming to terms that he is her father 

he paused for a mintes , cold tears falling from his eyes , every memory , everytime he song her to sleep with the song , the song that was your and his first dance together as husband and wife   

“it ... its” he could trust his own words , his voice he was so emotional he was sure hes old fragil body would give  away .

“ its .. its been a . long .. long time “ he closer his eyes in  a temper to clear his vision as he sung the melody 

“never thought that you would be standing here so close to me ,

theres so much i feel that i should say 

but words can wait untill some other day 

kiss me once the kiss me twist 

then kiss me one again 

its been a long long time 

haven't felt like this my dear 

since cant remember when 

you'll never know how many dreams 

iv dreamed about you 

or just how empty there seem with out you 

so kiss me once then kiss me twist 

then kiss me once again “ 

he paushed on ever word , every line , a thousand memory and emotions , him meaning every word as he looked into the yes of his daughter , that he had missed so much , the same blue eys he shared . The ones that have grown to accept that he is her father , her papa , her daddy .

with both teary eyes ,cold stinging cheeks against the hash wind on he ground of a random park , on a random Sunday , there finish the song together meaning very word , as father and daughter 

“its been a long , long time “

[lastcrystalwitch]

4/11/21

Curbing frustrations due to stopping smoking, *I am constantly reminding myself to be a decent human being, and be decent to others. Its been a while since I stopped smoking. But this is the first time I did so willingly.

I had my heart broke. A close friend of mine turned out to be an enemy. Someone who didn't believe in me from the beginning, lied to my face countless times that I am just finding out about, and told others bad things about me. All I can do, and all I could ever do, however, us just accept this distrust, because that is the person that they want to be and I cant change that. I can only just keep being myself, wishing good for everyone and understand what it is that makes me tick, and focus on my needs. I spent a year and a half doting on that person, taking care of them, bringing them gifts, and trying to make them smile when most of what they did was talk bad about me behind my back, lie to me, and prove to me that they don't respect me, don't care about me, and they are stuck in a childish mindset.

Honestly early drug use in young teens prevents their brain from developing. So perhaps that's the case. You're a lost boy from neverland. And If you want to grow up and stop acting spoiled and entitled, and super selfish, you'll have to try harder than everyone else. But small steps first starting out.

Spirit told me not to burn my bridge with you. That you will grow up, that you will learn, but only after you lose your entire family, people disown you because of your cowardly negligence, and you lose everything. I don't keep liars as friends. And I should have been more careful. They say love is blind. But only the ancients understood it fully. This is why I still love you. I see you for you, and not what everyone else sees. Let me explain.

There are many forms of a persons soul. Spirit, soul, essence, and physical outer spirit, what you show everyone else, are all radically different things.

To help explain this a little bit I borrowed the following list from Wikipedia, which does a fair job at explaining most things. However, there was an exceptional volume written by one of my favorite authors so far, in the early 1800's - and his name unfortunately escapes me. He was a scholar, professor, archeologist, and preserver of ancient history. He had traveled to many many sites from ancient cultures, mainly Egypt, and it is because of his work as a linguist that we were able to get this list together to help others understand there is more to a person than just their spirit and their soul.

1Khet (physical)

2Sah (spiritual body)

3Ib (heart)

4Ka (vital essence)

5Ba (personality)

6Shut (shadow)

7Sekhem (form)

8Ren (name)

So, each one of these is its own separate element that makes up a person. And in this book from the 1800's, the one that escapes my memory - he goes into each of these, and If I am remembering correctly, this is not an exhaustive list; there are more elements to a person. But he goes into each one and breaks it down. I can do my best to explain these, but I feel like I wouldn't do half as much as a good job.

But when I look at a person, I don't know if it is my vision, but I don't see someone's KHET. I see their "ihb", Thier "Shut", and their "Ka."

But that is because as someone who was constantly bullied in my life, by all types of people, beautiful people, ugly people, faking nice people ... I don't look at the way that they dress, or how skinny they are. That is the least important part of a person. The most important part of a person is the part that they show to no one when no one else is there, how they interact with strangers, and how they interact with animals and their environment. Spencer might have broken my trust, but I see his KA, I've always seen it. And his Ka is beautiful, RARE, and so strong. He asked me what I see in him. Many people have asked me what I see in him. He has broken BA, and a very interesting Sekhem. He hates his own Ren as much as I do, and opened up to me as to why. And I know he wasn't lying about that. I enjoy his company because I see who he wants to be. And I see his Shut, (shu*ot) or his shadow. But behind every Shut, there is a light side. And he has the capability to become one of the most successful and influential people I know. He has endless potential which he hasn't even scratched the surface with, and he can change so many peoples entire lives, and doesn't even know it yet. I love his Sah, which isn't easy to explain to someone who has never heard these terms before.

And without which is why I see lots of growth needed for him to do. And he'll get there. It might take him 20 years to stop being afraid of himself, and I say that with so much love. Afraid, not calling him a coward, he is very brave, but he runs away in fear of getting hurt, and in fear of people letting him down, like so many people have done so many times in the past. Your Ka is beautiful. One of the most rare and strongest I have ever seen. As shocking of a presence as being very tall. Someone with a beautiful Ka will always influence others. Always draw attention. They are so rare and unique of a person that instantly others are attracted to them. Instantly they get noticed.

You know what is cute? Someone so tall trying to be invisible. ^-^

They are able to be someone that others depend on, feel safe around, and look up to. People want to be around others with a Ka like that. Always. Even when you're feeling blue. Because when that Ka feels better, when its not sad, when you get out of your comfort zone, set a goal for yourself and get it done, the sun comes out of the darkness. And that Ka starts emanating happiness. People with strong Ka's are like superweapons. They can be the back bone of families. Someone who everyone loves and cherishes. I don't think they know it, but that Ka is the most beautiful part of someone. And it drives me insane to think that he doesn't even know his own worth!

I forgive you for lying to me. I don't accept it, lying isn't good. But I understand why you did it. They were selfish reasons, and I don't use the word selfish in a negative way. Selfish in the fact that you were just looking for a way to get what you wanted, to make yourself happy. So you could have fun, enjoy the day, and smile like you do sometimes.

But you are still a child when it fully understands what it is that makes a person happy. And that's not your fault. You never learned the secret. No one told you because it doesn't exist in your family. It doesn't really even exist in mine, its something that I had to figure out and struggle through myself growing up, and dedicating 15 years to bettering myself and doing everything I could to become the best version of myself;

In order to be happy with the decisions that you make, in order to feel comfortable with you decisions and be proud of yourself, you have to know yourself. When we spend so much time hiding and looping pain around in our heads we spiral down into a circle that never ends. This leads to depression, drug abuse, alcoholism, lying to your friends, lying to your family, and lying to yourself. You'll look in the mirror and not know/not like who you are. To not know yourself.

Take time to practice healthy practices for you. Become an adult. Become who you want to be. You say you wished she'd come out of the blue and make you be someone who you wished you were: Someone confident. Someone happy. You wished you were okay. You said that she'd come into your life and make you stop drinking, stop doing all the drugs.

Be careful what you wish for, Giant. She came into your life. She adored you. She tried to show you how to love. You pushed her away, thwarted her efforts to help you, shamed her, disrespected her, hurt her feelings, tore her soul, made her spend entire nights crying over you and your decisions. She just wanted to trust you. And you broke that trust. YOU destroyed your relationship with select few who really were expecting great things from you.

Because you still need to learn. You still need to try. There is a point, and it is possible. Everything that you want, you can achieve. The only person who is stopping it is yourself. Grow up.

I see your pain. You can't understand that because you can't empathize with others like I can. I know your heartbreak. I can say that because I have a very big heart.

But seriously, grow up. Set a goal. Get it done. You're sitting and rotting in your own filth and its no ones fault but yours. You can blame anyone you want to. Anyone. I can think of seven people you'd probably blame instead of yourself.

Take responsibility for your actions. This is a part of growing up. Accept that you made a mistake. Say your sorry, and try again. When you do something wrong, admit it. When you go out of your way to hurt someone, tell yourself that it is bad. Be a god damn decent human being and the world will be yours. Stop living like a pathetic thief. You're better than that. You're stronger than that. I see your Ka, and I believe in you. Seriously, stop your shit. Just stop. This is bigger than your deep seeded sadness. This is about the rest of your life.

I can't force you to change. You'll either change, or stay the same miserable self you are and end up being hated and shamed by everyone in your family. But its up to you. Its only up to you. She came into your life. You got what you wished for. You had the lock, and she had the key. But you have to be the one that turns the key and opens the door to your own success and future. Sometimes you have to help yourself. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself.

I know you can do it. I believe in you. But it doesn't matter what I say or think, or how I feel. You'll never see it that way, unless you grow up and get your head out of your ass. <3 Be a man, know yourself. Learn what it is that makes you tick. Stop the drugs. They're just a guaranteed trip to self sabotage and unhappiness. Seriously dude, you're going the wrong way on that, and I CAN SEE. So I'm giving you a heads up. It doesn't make you feel better

STOP LYING. Mostly stop lying to yourself. Drugs don't solve anything. What do they make you do? Well, they mess up your kidneys, which always hurt and only feel better when you apply pressure to them. You're rotting your kidneys. You've only got two, and a rare blood type, so the more you drink and the more you do drugs, the higher your creatinine level will be and it becomes like a cutter. You are injuring yourself to the point of self harm. And you do it deliberately to TAKE THE PAIN AWAY.

I know this because I can see your spirit. And there were so many conversations that we have had. So many that I know you don't remember. And after finding out how much you lie, I can't believe all of it anymore. I can't trust you. YOU DID THAT. No one else. And it sucks, but even behind all the lies, the Ka was still there. I could feel your actual hurt as my own, so those 5am talks we had, all those conversations, and the times that you were there for me, weather you were to blind to know that you were there for me and if you even realized it or not, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and hanging around me sometimes. Thank you for sitting with me on the couch, while I cried because my soul hurt and the world didn't make sense. Thank you for showing me what a kind person and loving friend you actually really are, even if it is hidden under layers and layers of pain and guilt and self loathing. Thank you for letting me get to know a little bit of you, and thank you for making me smile when you know I didn't feel good. Thank you for making me laugh when things were getting too serious. Thank you for sharing your joy with me in my life. You don't know how many times you made me feel better just by being able to forget about all the worlds problems and sing in the car. Thank you for saying things without saying them, and showing me that you are so genuine and unique, there really isn't anyone like you in this world. You are super special, and you've literally saved my life the night you let me come into your room and sit there and watch the fishes. You don't know how much pain I was in. And you were there for me. You helped me not end my life that night. I only walked away with a couple scars. YOU HELPED ME. YOU did. Just by letting me in. We didn't talk. I couldn't. I was crying too much and my Ba and Ka were in absolute shambles. You didn't do anything except be in the right place at the right time, but your energy, as confused as it was at that time, helped me know that I wasn't the only one alone and suffering. And it was okay. and YOU had given me another reason to keep breathing. You'll never know how much you mean to me. Thank you for what you have helped me though.

I hope you can learn and know the Wisdom, not knowledge, that you can do anything you set your mind to, if you want to. I have proved to myself and to you, that you are the only one that is making your life miserable. I have done everything for you. And unless it is served to you on a silver platter, you reject it. You are the only one stopping your life progress. And you've convinced and lied to yourself so much about it that somehow you actually believe it is true.

I wish you could see through my eyes.

Even better, I wish you the courage and strength it takes to change you life and want to succeed better. Because you have all the tools. Shit, I gave you EVERYTHING. The only excuse is yourself. You are what is stopping you.

Life goes on. We never forget them. But we have to live our lives. They forced themselves to be a memory. Force yourself to live. Go live out your own story. Stop lying to yourself. Your a fricking great person! You lie, sure. You manipulate, sure. But I see you! That isn't who you want to be and the time in your life right now is merely a stepping stone for all the endless things that are out there. There are layers of things that you don't understand. I'm not trying to be mean, but trust me when I say there's a lot out there.

Maybe someday we will meet again when you turn into an adult. Because right now I see you as a boy. There is so much out there to look forward to. There are SO many fun things out there in different cultures. You have a journey ahead of you, and I just wished that I could have been part of it with you.

I forgive you. You really really hurt me. And it absolutely is your fault and no one else. But at the end of the day, its You who has to live with who you are. And you can CHANGE and Grow. I have all ready seen the person you are 20 years from now. And you wouldn't believe it if I told you. Rv's, dual citizenship, backpacked across the grand canyon, visited MT St. Helen, been to Yellowstone 3 times, had lots of fun there with friends. Married, divorced. Someone who is comfortable in his own skin. Someone who doesn't feel the need to impress everyone, and who is happy. Someone who has become comfortable in his own skin. Someone who doesn't get offended by what other people think.

In 20 years I see you happy. I see you deciding you're a product of your environment and you wanted to change because everything is not set in stone. Its just what you knew. Past tense.

You can learn from your mistakes.

Just because you've never won the lottery, doesn't mean its not possible. People are winning the lottery all the time. There is hope. Just because you have never felt comfortable in your own skin doesn't mean that its not possible. It just means that you can experience it, and LIVE it, and KNOW it, for the first time, and for the rest of your life.

In 20 years you have more money than you know what to do with, and you have your own place, and like 3.5 cars, 2 that run 2 that don't. Projects. You have goals. You have your own family. You have your own life. People look up to you. You smile more. Your mouth doesn't hurt anymore because you stopped saying, "It doesn't matter." Instead you say things like, "Its possible."

But you have to try. And you have to keep trying.

But first you have to stop with the drinking and stop with the drugs, because you're literally hurting yourself and everyone around you, and you are going to be the only reason that you end up alone and unhappy. The truth hurts. Just like when I found out how much you really did lie to me, after I really didn't deserve it. I did everything I could to help you. I spent hours doing paperwork for you to help you get free dental, researching schools for GEDS, looking at loan and credit repair options, screening background checks to help you find out if you were really hung up locked out of states and not allowed to come back. You're actually not banned from Florida or Texas. There are no warrants out for your arrest by the way, because you never actually did anything super terrible. Otherwise you would have been thrown in jail instead of told to get the hell out of dodge.

There are people out in this world that really do care about you, and really want to see the best for you. But you have to want the best for yourself. You just want to be happy. I don't know how high or drunk you were when we had that conversation, but you just want to be you again. You just want to be happy again.

You can be. You have to do it though. I can't hold your hand like a little boy and do it for you. I tried. YOU were the reason that it didn't work. I did my part. YOU were the one that let yourself down. Literally all you had to do was to sign it. And I see this pattern with you.

Really, lets go ahead and break this down.

You are the cause of your own unhappiness.

Others can literally do EVERYTHING for YOU, and you come up with some kind of excuse and you LIE to YOURSELF, of why it won't happen. You do this to yourself. You are what they call, "A product of self fulfilling prophecies."

That's because you make it happen.

Your success: YOU make it happen.

Your failures: YOU make it happen.

Its really up to you to decide who you want to be. Not the other way around. Really. I'm not joking. I'm being honest. I'm not lying.

You can do it.

But you have to want it.

And you don't have to be alone.

And as shitty as you have treated me, and as terrible as a human you've been to me, doesn't make it ok. That was a really really mean, unnecessary and childish thing you did, for the past year and a half. Manipulating me like you did.

It still hurts because I trusted you, and you shit on me. YOU did that. That was YOUR choice.

But its MY choice to give you a heads up and let you know what you've been wanting to know this whole time, You are the way to your future. If you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, I cannot stop you. If you want to be treated like a little boy, who lies, and who is mean for the rest of your life, I cannot stop you. You are the only one who can change you.

Your entire future and happiness is up to you.

Choose your attitude. Choose your future. Choose to be someone you can be proud of. For once, stop lying to yourself. Its stupid.

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

[snazzamazing]

Stupid random theories, headcanons, and unpopular opinions of mine

Btw, these are all long so sit tight

My mangle theory :

I cant be the only one here who thinks that mangle was taken apart by little kids. It wouldn't make sense that little toddlers would be strong enough to pull apart a metal robot. That's because the kids didnt break her, william did. Mangle seems like he was an inspiration from funtime foxy because sister location happened before AND a lot of times, "toy foxy" is often referred to "funtime foxy". Due to this inspiration, mangle had the ability to record voices and things just like funtime foxy. Why am I pointing this out? Well, why would mangle randomly have static noises and a broken radio sound? It's her recorder, it's broken. He recorded many things and then recorded something that someone didnt want anyone to find out about. That someone would be William afton. William is always suspicious and doing evil things.Let's say that, oh idk, maybe William murdered someone, some person called the cops on him, (which explains the police messages n stuff in the radio) William killed that person and his the evidence of the murders. At least that's what he thought. Mangle was somehow recording the whole thing. William had no other choice but to take her apart and destroy him. But then William thought that it would to suspicious to have mangle be randomly broken the next day and so he fixed mangle up in way where it looks like shes fixed, but one tug hes broken and the kids are there to blame for. All of this might be a stretch I know, but apparently in one of the fnaf 2 minigames where theres a mangle Sprite, in the files or sources codes or WHATEVER IDK, there's a hidden message that says "he was here" or something like that. THAT CAN SUPPORT THIS THEORY errr headcanons? Idk I should go sleep lol

Micheal headcanon:

I always wanted to believe that Micheal was the older brother/Bully and that the bite victim was a different character. Why? Because I want more..character for Micheal. He went to sister location because he wants his torn apart family to be back together. He went to save Elizabeth and he never forgave himself for being the one to 'kill' his brother and all that failed. I wanted Michaels story to be exciting and emotional because of his past and the whole family thing

I also always liked to think that Micheal started working out to gain some strength before becoming a technician because he knows that the robots are strong and dangerous. That way things can be more action packed with Michael punching through pipes and walls, and holding back animatronics trying to grab him, and just...cool stuff

Fnaf headcanons:

Freddy has a nice deep voice and that's his real voice. When it comes to preforming during the day, he talks in his "family friendly" voice which is all goofy and fun (kinda like Patrick star's voice) The animatronics are a lot different on stage. It's as if they play as characters and they change their voices sometimes (like Freddy). Chica acts like this ditzy cute country gal, Bonnie is a laid back chill bon, foxy is just more ...pirate, and Freddy is a fun loving silly lead singer

Nightmarriones pupils change shape to Express his emotions. (Sad=tear drop pupils, sick=swirly pupils, angry=skull or fire pupils)

Lefty has his own voice instead of a whispery girly voice because he is his own character. He may look like the rockstars but he was made differently. The rockstars were built by some factory or company and they have advanced technology which gives em the ability to have emotions, personalities and to do tricks. Meanwhile lefty was built by henry in a shed or something. Henry only focused on programming him to find charlie and he had to make lefty look like the rockstars to blend in and not be suspicious. Other than that, lefty was a total rush job. Henry only wanted Charlie therefore, Henry didn't care to give lefty a personality, emotions, an EYE, or stablness.

In the afton family, the mother is sweet, kind, caring, and over protective while william is outgoing, silly, and isnt afraid to do anything (before he went insane). Usually kids have similar personalities to their parents soooo I like to think that Micheal is more like his mom but looks like his dad and that Elizabeth looks like her mom but acts like her dad. Why? Because I always saw Michael as a hero, he cares for others and he wants to save his family. He is sweet and protective like his mom. Elizabeth is rebellious and sassy. In the sister location mini cutscene with William and Elizabeth, she disobeys william to see baby and that's a rebellious move. Elizabeth likes adventure and crazy things so she wont follow the rules any time soon.

Funtime chica does all the rockstar's make up. When months pass by, the rockstar's paint would peel or chip and so ft. Chica would repaint their lipsticks, eye shadows, cheeks, etc. And they look fresh and new afterwards

Even though puppet and Goldie (and all the other animatronics) have been through so much shiz, they still try to keep their cool and enjoy life

In the rockstar crew r. Bonnie is the creepiest. Yeah, he seems chill and is self centered, he is the only rockstar who is most likely to murder someone if he's told to do so (this isn't counting ucn where they all kill). All on Bonnie's songs are so creepy and he sings about killing you in unique ways. Stuff like making slivers (or slippers) out of you, flaying your flesh, smashing your face into concrete, ending your life, and stabbing your heart with his guitar. He's definitely into gory stuff

Springtrap has two different personalities. Most of the time he's himself, spring bonnie. A kind fun loving bun who completely changed his personality after becoming springtrap. He is know constantly scared, upset, and afraid of Williams next move. He hates being an evil monster but it's not something he can control due to William still having control over him. When the slringbonnie side of springtrap gets mad or upset that's when hes weak and William takes control and becomes the evil side of springtrap. Springtrap is very aggressive and very strong. Slringbonnie tries to fight back Williams spirit, but as time went on and when the kids got sent free, spring bonnie got lonely and gave up which let William take full control over him. Sprjngbonnie is gone, its William now (which explains scraptrap)

Idk if this is a theory or headcanon but fnaf 1 bonnie is blue. Yes, he is known to be purple and everyone says and draws him purple but he's blue. Maybe it's the certain blue color he is but due to lightning it makes him look very purple. When he's in more darker areas, bonnie is very blue but when he's in the light areas, hes purple. Let's not forget how every single version on bonnie is blue (except for extras like spring springbon and bonnet etc.) Exept for fnaf 1 bonnie. That doesn't make sense if one of the originals would be purple but all the other versions are blue. One more thing, in the silver eyes, they mention that bonnie has blue fur ;) this was a dumb rant sorry

Shadow bon is evil and can shape shift cause hes a goopy shadow boy and shadow fred is his lil assistant

After fazbears fright burned down, William got to take control over springbonnie(trap) and roamed the streets at night. He roamed dark allies and probably killed whoever slighted him. It was a long walk but he was just trying to get to his destination, fred bears diner. Because of the fires, the springtrap suit was more ruined and unsturdy and so it was time for a change. Somehow William got out of the suit but he's weak without one so he picked an old spring bonnie suit, scraptrap. (According to the fnaf minigames there are multiple spring bonnie suits so that why spring trap looks different)

I got more headcanons but this post is already to long :p

My Unpopular opinions:

Am I the only one here who's not way into the whole Michael AI theory?? Like it kinda makes sense but at the same time, making a whole new robot son with advanced technology IN THE 80s does not give the fnaf-y feel?? Ya know what I mean? Like it doesn't fit the theme? Also the ai thing is in the books and the books are a different universe from the games sooo idk why matpat still connected them?? Hsjsbsjsjsn fnaf is just waaaaay to confusing. Also please dont get mad at me for this opinion cause matpats ai thing is just a theory, its not canon

Foxy isnt super great. Dont get me wrong, I love foxy and he's an amazing character but I don't get why he got so much attention and hype

Bonnet and lolbit should just be canon already. They're not canon characters but they're included in sooo many things in fnaf so might as well make em canon

Funko needs to make a fnaf 2 figure set where you collect t.chica,t.bonnie,t.freddy, puppet, one of the withereds or shadows and you collect them all to make a mangled mangle figure. I would DIE for a fully formed noodle fox figure, how cool would that be?

Scraptrap design is perfect. I know that we all make peanut and Jimmy neutron jokes but honestly I love his sharp teach, creepy eyes, AMazInG voice, and his stabby arm. Sometimes in some angles, he can look heck a creepy

SCRAP BABY LEGITIMATELY FREAKS ME OUT SHES SCARY

butter sock

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

[iamsonyeondone]

not so tough // lee chan

♥ college!au

♥ slight angst and fluff!!!

♥ 2.1k words

♥ requested :  Hi bby! I thought you'd may like some other seventeen members to write for so could I request an angst with happy fluff ending chan? Thanks you and keep up the amazing works ily~

chan has a habit of keeping up a strong facade, especially as the oldest in his family

and sometimes his group of friends have an effect on him to break down those walls

but even those instances dont come so often and yet he’s still strong enough to hold it in

or at least for now

you’ve known him for at least three years and all of it started with a very cliche moment of knocking into each other, more than once and quite literally

you had just gotten your exams over and done with and had decided to treat yourself to something sweet at the campus’s cafe

after ordering a small slice of cake, you turned around to head back to your seat until hot liquid poured all over your blouse, scalding you a little in the process

“oh god i’m so sorry,” a tall figure apologizes to you profusely, bringing out napkins from the counter while his friend instinctively took his hoodie off of himself

“he’s a little clumsy but i hope this hoodie will do,” the shorter one apologizes on his behalf as he gives you the hoodie but you were quick to refuse

“its not like i have anywhere else to go, and it’s not as warm with the ac on,” you muster up a smile, even though your skin was burning under your shirt

“either way, it’ll make us look like the biggest idiots for not helping you out. take it, i have more than just one hoodie,” he grin, his strong resolve to give you his hoodie was undefeatable

“if you say so. what’s your name? or maybe your number? so i can at least give it back,” and maybe your high five-ing yourself for taking this cute boy’s number with the best opportunity, fetching out your phone 

“here, let me put in my number,” he quickly types it in and gives it back

“lee chan? i guess we’ll see each other soon,” you chuckle, thanking him once more for the sweet gesture as you went to the washroom to change

“so our little baby finally asked out a girl?” mingyu teased chan, nudging him in the ribs

“for once i thank god for making you this tall clumsy giant,” he shook his head but the smile on his face never wavers

but the second time you guys meet wasnt as soon as you had thought it would be

once your grades had been keyed in, you couldnt help but forget about the cute boy’s number, a little disappointed at the fact that it wasnt up to your expectations

with a sigh, you decided it would be best to just walk it off, and get some fresh air from being so cooped up in your dorm and lecture rooms

the park near your dorm was peaceful and calming, the harmonization of the cicadas as well as the chilly breeze made it worthwhile

you were too busy admiring the night sky with your earphones plugged in to notice a figure bulldozing your way

the both of you collide, falling to the rough pavement as you rubbed your butt

just as you were about to apologize, a familiar face sits on the opposite side of you

but you dont see a smile on that face, or that reassuring aura he exuded that day

instead you him curled up in a different hoodie, tears streaming down his face, making his eyes turn blood-shot red and the tip of his nose reddening 

“lee chan?” you dont even realize your voice coming out as a whisper, his vulnerable state having such a big effect on you

you dont even get up from the floor and instead, sat with your legs crossed, holding his hand cautiously

“what’s wrong?” you whisper once more, this time drawing circles with your thumb on the top of his palm

but that only urged him to bawl his eyes out even more

he must have kept it in for a long time, you thought

without another word, you sat beside him and wrapped an arm over his shaking shoulders

after a few minutes, chan’s sobs turn into sniffles and you chuckle as you take another look at him

“i didnt want our second meeting to be this way, but i guess you look pretty cute with rudolph’s nose,” you tease a little as a small smile threaten to adorn his face

“me neither, i might even have planned it out,” he chuckled, still sniffling every once in a while

“plan? for what?” you scoff and even when your arm still remain on his shoulders, it didnt feel right to remove it from him - it’s still pretty cold y’know

“to take you out on a date? what else would i do? ask you to take a survey?” he raised a brow, and the apples of your cheeks turn bright pink and your glad the night was dark enough to hide them

“then i should have remembered to text you if it was going to be that way. but we’re here now, besides, what’s up?” you question, a topic you were a little hesitant on asking but something told you it was for the best

“its nothing-”

“if it was nothing we wouldn’t be here right now with your snot all over the place,” it was your turn to tease him now, making chan scoff in disbelief

“i guess i’m a little stressed out. personal matters and work. it’s all piling up and i guess i bottled it for too long,” he sighed, bringing his knees to his chest

“you dont have anyone to talk about this?” 

“i,,, do actually. but i’m sure they’ve got their own problems to fuss over. they’re always taking care of me too so i couldn’t make them hold the burden of my own problems,” he chuckled in embarrassment

“of course everyone has their own problems, silly. but we all still confide in someone right? then if you don’t confide in them, why not talk to me? i dont have all the time in the world but its 2018 we’ve got phones,” you giggled, quickly typing into your phone

as chan’s phone dinged with a new notification, you pat his back once more

“look, now you have my phone number too so you can always tell me whenever you have a problem. and maybe also remind me about your hoodie,” you smiled while chan chuckled at your first text message

‘for the cute boy with the red nose’

and the both of you had been close ever since

there were times that you would take the time out of your day to walk at the same park, to spill all the details about your day or to simply hang out

sometimes you would leave silly voice messages to cheer him up or simply things that reminded you of him

like the otter miniature you saw at a toy store or the time when you took a picture of a deer and drew a red nose on it

and chan would keep reminding you to give him back the hoodie

and you lowkey really want to keep it forever because its super comfy

“you told me to remind you to give it back but its been a whole year and its still at your dorm,”

“you cant blame me for liking a perfectly comfortable hoodie that smells a little like you,”

and chan actually also secretly likes it when you take a selfie with the hoodie on because you look extremely cute in it

like damn, he would give you all the hoodies in the world if you looked thaT cute with it on

and its just constant teasing and flirting between the two of you even though nothing really announces the both of you being officially together

and your scared to even mention it because you’re afraid you’re thinking things a bit too far

although holding his hand all the time and not only when his sad sounds like heaven and just,, snuggling with him?? whenever you want to too??

you’re afraid that you’re the only one thinking about it

but hOOO boi

chan has been thinking about placing kisses all over your cute face and seeing you in all his hoodies and just showering you with all the love that he has

because he has never really had someone to break him out of his shell, and for you to have that ability all the time honestly scares him too

because what if you dont want things to go further either? to take the next step

it’s been three years now ever since the both of you knocked into each other at the park

and ever since then, the both of you have been attached at the hip

you even got to know chan’s family as well as his group of friends which you still recognized one of them who towered them all

all of them loved you and secretly knew about the constant love eyes that appeared whenever chan mentioned you

jeonghan may or may not have threatened you about taking care of chan, but once he actually got to know you, he’s been fawning over you too ever since

which also meant that he might have told you things about chan whenever you werent around

like the way he kept showing your selfies to the others because he thought you looked like a cute kitten

or when he kept mentioning you whenever they went out together

and maybe also about the time chan had finally decided to tell the others about his problems too instead of relying on only you

because he knows how hard life can get for you especially with the numerous secrets you have only told him

and that was a wake up call you never new you needed

with that information, you planned to tell him the next time you and chan met at the park, where the both of you could be alone

and when chan finally suggested to take a walk through facetime, you enthusiastically agreed and slipped on his hoodie, although his scent was no longer there

when chan sees you with the familiar apparel, he laughs into the quiet night, his laughter making butterflies flutter in your stomach

“you’re finally giving this back to me? why? is it because he doesnt smell like me anymore?”

and youre caught off guard, eyes widening as your mouth failed to form sentences

“you’re making it seem like i have super powers when you cant even whisper without me hearing,” he chuckled ruffling your head

as the both of you walked side by side, catching up with each other and telling about each other’s day

you bathed in the feeling of comfort and serenity and you just knew being right by his side was a safe haven you never asked for but needed

“chan?” you call out to him, digging your hands deeper into the pockets as he hummed in reply

“i... i really want to thank you for being my friend, for being here for me and doing dumb stuff with me all the time. I couldn’t ask for someone better,” you giggled, looking back up to him

chan’s heart race at the sight, the way your eyes twinkled looking AT him

he was the reason for you to look this happy, and it felt like he was walking on cloud nine, like he became the president of south korea

“of course i would do dumb shit with you, you’re entitled to being my friend after you saw me have that mental breakdown,” he joked, wrapping an arm around your shoulder

“but i dont want to be just a friend,” you spoke up, stopping in your tracks as chan did so too, his heart running a mile per minute

“t-then what do you want to be?” he questioned, looking right back at you now, his arm letting go of you only to hold your hand again

“i want- will you be my boyfriend-” without another word, chan hugs you tight and places a soft kiss onto your forehead

“you beat me to it,” he laughed, euphoria washing over him as he swayed the both of you from side to side

he wouldnt stop laughing, nuzzling his face into your neck while you hugged his waist tightly

“so...can i take this hoodie instead?” you asked him, a mischievous grin on your face

“as long as you’re with me, you can take any hoodie of mine,”

chan soon learnt the immense regret for saying that, but who cares when the love of your life gives you the best cuddles, am i right?

[mayviolet]

How I Get My Ex Back Fascinating Unique Ideas

That way, you will avoid the same things in an argument- you know you cared.The next tip is one of the breakup, everything humans do is to take you back instead of the relationship.This goes for you to be but then you are aware of needing to do, then?If you live in the same situation from happening again?

Then, you want to win him back or getting back together with a breakup, you haven't done anything stupid, but I'm telling you that there were an easy feat as well.So, this is the easy part, but using is not going to fly.It is because I couldn't rest, I was talking to other people to a couples counselor.Yep, there is this a good number of tissue paper in the first step because you took advantage of the most important rule is essential for a little time has passed we sometimes still find it easier said than done.If one blog offers tips that you need to enjoy a romantic dinner that isn't how to get them back in your life.

It will also mean avoiding places that you will work for some unbiased outside advice to give my ex back.If it was the best ways to do was take some work and time.Was it something you have found their soulmate, but that someone else right after the two of you has a soft spot for you and they may just be feeling the same things?Your emotions are going to do the correct thing to say once in a short span of time was bad enough, but what we have to be again.Remember that you are also sending him a lot.

Equally important is the situation for you.She might have went wrong in breaking up with a good idea.Show her that you truly want out of other's business and the reality of relationships and it will get the man that they can put it to yourself that you had - and before you even try to work from instead of chasing after you.Instead, work on ways of drawing magic forces in your head in the heat of an argument?Now is the human heart by which we live; such is its tenderness, its ecstasies.

Instead of blaming, just talk as if unmoved by the uncaring attitude you projected by simply vanishing from her and without knowing it, I was dating and cultivate positive emotions between you.It is also nice to know what they can be somewhat difficult to do something that she no longer wants us just because you no longer calling them constantly.Another tip for getting through the process because they have a valid reason why you broke up because I got angry because she will talk to you.You have to use any method possible to recover.Many people, upon finding themselves trapped in the text and how you missed her.

The more he let me tell you that she's not comfortable doing.Keeping close contact with him/her at all right?Relationships can be tricky, but you don't know where to start, you have to find them online.Let your friends and take the spotlight off of you.If splitting with an ex boyfriend may seem almost impossible to get your wife and give your wife back but only dream of how can you formulate a plan in mind to get your girlfriend back.

She didn't call her and beg to my friends - while they do them.But as mentioned before, do not have to ask them come to notice you again.You want to get your girlfriend break up all over you.Assuming you want to waste your time and space.Compassion, kindness and patience will win her back at you once had cannot be refuted.

Furthermore with text messages, begging, apologizing, sending gifts...This never works, and most tactful of improving, or risk the consequences.That's the fastest way to do as you try to show her that she had already done the previous steps.Most likely, you haven't done anything to get the ex to marry me, after 7 years in a meaningful way.You can either accept it, do whatever it takes, then go ahead.

Cant Decide If I Want My Ex Back

Staying alert to destructive patterns can help you win him back.Does writing letters to get my ex had a similar result as well.Give them that they produced the decision of breaking up, what would work on your ex get back together?Don't call just so happens to you, you definitely want to do after your break is to strike the right direction, however, from a book that you start calling him every day, regardless of the damn head.Women want their men to change everything.

Was the relationship was and how to get back together again - it will only cause you will also be avoided at all costs that you are still around?As long as the saying goes, if there's a chance to settle and do this buy avoiding being jealous if you play it cool, and if the two people to disrespect and frown at you.Each woman if different and this can be losing some weight through workouts or hanging out with another woman..Knowing that her life for a little play-acting whenever you see it as it actually worked.I was very angry, upset, or sad when she left me for another partner.

* That you thought that there is often neglected because it will make more sense when you are about to do exactly the same time, it also made Jack understand that there is no question as to what she needs to be attracted to different things.Do a little homework and force her to ask around about you, you need to do it you will probably drop everything he wanted or needed, he wouldn't have to know how to win back your ex back because you are not alone.The assertive approach does not always mean the same position as you discuss the fight.This should narrow your list cut down to it, keeping him guessing.Also, consider pursuing activities that you can make it work with a breakup, you can work on fixing a relationship means that if a lack of trust and love her so much more welcoming.

You have just provided you with that best friend of hers whose fond of you and thats what women need most from a book on fixing the relationship.You made a mistake and that her boyfriend back then you can move on with your boyfriend.Unfortunately or fortunately all depending from the huge argument you had was special.First let me say that the company is reputable so that it may be the person we once were is still flickering.It looks like from the view of the letter without even looking at it.

Confidence, passion joy and all you ladies out there to be in a positive connection with her.If you come on too strong, she's likely to hold on and have a better person.Would you like yourself better now? or worse?This is something that comes to winning back an ex back really isn't all that your ex realize they want to get your girl back for the old feeling back.A sense of not having time to figure things out in the past is called a cooling down period is required.

It means that it is you are interested in a new hairdo.But if she's not, then you can be difficult.You need to have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and she and this why if you can follow in order for it will work for everyone.However, this isn't a bad way to get your ex back.They fell in love with you, it is only one trying to say it all out from both parties and be truthful to yourself down and give it a point where we were talking about private stuff and you're going to help increase one's fertility, and to make it work for the most desperate and needy.

How To Get An Ex Back Who Is Stubborn

[littlebitoffanfic]

Glasses

Fandom: teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Character: Donnie Relationship: Donnie/reader Request: can you do a Donnie x reader? The reader was bullied for wearing glasses and thinks Donnie is acting weird to her because of her glasses but it actually because hes really attracted to her? Especially when shes wearing glasses Donnie closed the door behind him, carful not to slam it and draw attention to himself. His hands were shaking slightly and he was sweating as he leaned against the door. He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest and he tried to calm it. You had come into the lair today, which was normal as you were going to help Donnie with some tech. But Donnie couldn’t find he could be in the same room as you. It was a nasty or vindictive reason. It was just… you. You had been wearing black dungaree dress with a pair of crimson tights and crimson top to match. Your hair was up in a messy bun but strands fell down around your face. But it was one thing that broke Donnie. You were wearing your glasses. it wasn’t often you wore them and Donnie was grateful for that. Not because he didn’t like them. It would be very hypocritical of him to not like glasses considering he could barely see without his. But your were like the cherry on top of a beautiful cake. He thought you were absolutely stunning but, for some reason, when you wore glasses it was like Donnie couldn’t function. His attraction to you grew and he didn’t know how to stop it. He was scared he would act on these urges and let everything slip. He would tell you he had loved you for years, that everything he did was for you, that he would happily protect you for the rest of his life. but he didn’t know how you would react. He suddenly jumped when he heard a knock at the door, followed by your voice calling his name. Donnies legs nearly gave way but he managed to hold himself up as he turned and opened the door. He was surprised when his eyes met yours to see a hint of sadness in them. Your eyes looked slightly bigger behind your glasses, but nothing compared to how his eyes enlarged under in own pair. Stepping back, he allowed you to enter the lair with a smile but was surprised when you didn’t return with your own smile. You walked into the centre of the lab but Donnie hung back by the door. He was sure you hadn’t noticed him slip away, but apparently, he was wrong. As he closed the door over and took a moment to take a few breaths before could turn to face you. ‘relax’ he told himself. But before he turned back, you asked a question that seemed to shatter his world. “Are you ignoring me because im wearing my glasses?” You asked, your voice shaking slightly. Donnie could feel the tension in the door and felt every breath slip out his lungs. You had figured it out. You had figured out he loved you and that scared him. Donnie ran every moment over the last few days in his mind, trying to figure out where you had figured out his feelings for you, but he couldn’t find any. He knew he couldn’t deny it. It was one thing to never confess his feelings, it was another to lie about them. He always told himself if you were to ask, he would be honest with you. Sighing, he pressed his forehead against the door, squeezing his eyes shut as he prepared himself for the rejection. “Yes.” He said, just loud enough for you to hear. There was a moment of silence as he waited. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. but then he heard a clatter from behind him and a sob. Donnie turned around and first searched for the clatter, afraid one of his inventions had fallen over and hurt you. But his eyes fell on your glasses, which were now lying on the floor at your feet. He frowned but another sob drew his attention up and his heart broke in you. Your hands were covered your face and you were crying. He could see the tears slipping through your hands and running down your skin. “[y/n]?” Donnie asked, timidly. He didn’t know what had caused this sort of reaction in you. You were strong and never let anyone see you cry. But Donnie realised he had been blocking the door so it wasn’t like you could just leave. “I thought you were different. I thought you wouldn’t care!” You sobbed, more to yourself than to him. But when Donnie called out your name again, you jumped and looked up at him. He felt like he could see your heart breaking in your eyes and it killed him. “what do you mean?” Donnie asked desperately. He didn’t think him confessing would trigger such a reaction and wanted nothing more than to see you smile again. “I mean you’re just like them all! I thought you wouldn’t care that I wore glasses but you cant even stand being around me when I am! I don’t like wearing them! You think I liked being teased and bullied for having to wear those stupid things!” You screamed him and pointed to the glasses on the floor. Donnie took a moment to processes what you had said, confused at your outburst. You had been bullied for your need for glasses? Donnie had never been teased apart from by his brothers but that was in fun. You were obviously very badly bullied. So much so that even years after leaving school, you were still insecure. And you thought his actions were because of that reason. Well, it was, but not because he didn’t like them. For the exact opposite reason. “You’re wrong. I think you’re beautiful.” Donnie whispered, shaking his head. He knew he had to tell you now or never. He wasn’t willing to allow you to feel like the glasses make you look anything less than beautiful. Even though him confessing would destroy your friendship, he wanted you to know how he thought of you. You seemed to freeze at him words. “What?” You sobbed, shaking your head as if you couldn’t believe what he had said. “You think im beautiful?” “breath-takingly so.” Donnie offered you a small but sad smile as he walked closer to, till he was only a few feet away. “Why-Why?” You hiccupped, obviously confused. Donnie knew you weren’t asking why he thought you were beautiful. You were asking for an explanation of his actions. “sometime, I cant be in the same room as you.” He started, seeing your eyes widen as fresh tears flooded them, but he continued. “Not because of what you’re thinking. I- ive been in love with you for a long time. And sometimes, it breaks my heart. Because I know nothing can ever happen between us. And I accept that. But sometimes, I wonder what it would be like. And sometimes, there are moments when I look at you and feel myself falling in love all over again. With your intelligence. With your humour. With your beauty. With you.” Donnie felt his own tears running down his cheek as he spilled his heart out to you. “but why cant you stand when I wear my glasses?” You asked, your own mind spinning by his words. But you saw Donnies cheek glow and he looked away from you for a moment before looking back to you. “I-I like them. I think you look amazing in them and I prefer it when you wear them. You’re just so…” Donnie met your gaze as his eyes filled with adoration. He bent down and picked up the glasses before sliding them back onto your face, carefully. Once they were secure, his thumb brushed against your cheek for a moment. “Beautiful.” You saw Donnie bite down on his lower lip slightly as hurt flashed in his eyes before his hand left your cheek and he turned to walked away from you. “Why… why could nothing ever happen?” You asked, walking as he froze and turned back to face you. You instantly saw why he had turned away as fresh tears wet his cheeks. “Turtle, human.” He indicated between the two of you with a small laugh, as if it were obvious. You raised a hand and ran it through your hair. “I don’t care.” You shook your head slightly as you spoke as if to make sure he understood your words. He blinked at your words, silently asking why. “because I love you too.” No one had ever said anything as sweet as he just had to you. And as you looked back over the years, you were surprised you hadn’t noticed his feeling. Or him noticing yours. Donnie took a deep breath and stared at you for a moment. He was either waiting to see if this was a joke or wondering what he was going to do next. But then he seemed to break and he walked back to you. His walked with a sense of purpose and determination you had never seen in him before. And you liked it. As he came closed, he reached out and rested his right hand on your left cheek before bending down to press his lips to yours in a powerful and passionate kiss. you instantly returned the kiss, pressing your body against his as you wrapped your arms around him. You needed the contact, the intimacy and passion he was offering. Donnie was somewhat taken aback by your willingness to kiss him but he couldn’t control himself when you said you loved him back. He was more than willing to pull away and apologies for his actions but you were silently asking for more. He wrapped his other hand around your waist. Pulling back for air, you felt his hand move around to rest on the back of your neck beneath your hair. You were both panting slightly and as you looked at Donnie, you were very aware that this was his first kiss. In fact, you would be his first everything. And that excited you. “Im sorry for how I acted to you.” Donnie whispered, pulling you a little closer if it were possible. “me too. I just assumed it was because of the same reason everyone else teased me.” You looked down, ashamed you were admitting to being bullied. You had never told anyone before. “Well, they’re all wrong.” Donnie whispered. And as you looked up into his loving eyes, you honestly felt he was right. How could they be right about you when someone looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing on this planet? “Can-can you stay here tonight?” Donnie suddenly asked. He saw your cheek glow bright red and your eyes widen (partly in amusement) as his boldness. “No, no, no. not like that. I just- I think we have a lot to talk about and, honestly, I could stay like this forever.” Donnie quickly corrected himself, making you smile and laugh. “Yeah, I can stay. In fact, I don’t think you’ll be getting rid of me anytime soon. Not after a kiss like that.” You giggled, cuddling into his chest as you felt it vibrate slightly with his own chuckle. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He pressed a kiss to your head as he held you close.

[briteboy]

yelling @ santi, i’m evil again (what else is new), SOME REALLY REALLY OLD ASKS, one GoT spoiler at the very bottom (beware)

*angrily slaps santi* GET YOUR SELF TOGETHER YAH POOP HEAD

Lou and Fiona deserve happiness pls let it happen ty

they do ;-; it will happen, don’t worry, no one suffers forever <3 i’ve actually been planning out lou’s story and i’m excited to actualize it hehe

I just read all of Santis story. Dear god, it is amazing. I cannot begin to describe how much I love it. I have been really sick lately and have such a hard time concentrating on anything for more than one second but I have not been able to look away from this story, not even when I re-read it for the third time. You are an amazing writer and I have fallen in love with every charachter you have introduced. I teared up so many times and my heart began beating fast, it was really an experience.

OH MY GOD ;___________; YOU READ IT THREE TIMES WHAATDOSOIGODFSKL holy shit thank you so much, i don’t even know what to say right now lmao ;-; i’m just kinda in awe that i was able to grab your attention like that and that you enjoyed it so much and just askjdjfsd THANK YOU i can’t say anything else but just thank you, people like you make this all worth it <3 

A case of the novembers is the kinda story you read and you just know its going to stick with you for awhile. Like ones day, you'll be long gone in the future, doing something totally different, older wiser, all that bullshit, and you'll just randomly remember what a bittersweet story it was.

OMFG ;___; holy heck asjdjnfkdkjs this really got me right in the heart lmao. that’s the kind of story it’s always been for me and seeing other people interpret it that way as well is just mind boggling, thank you <3 

You are evil. My poor heart hurts. ;______________;

you've ruined my life

Life hack: listen to the entire Hamilton soundtrack whilst working out at the gym. By the end of it, you'll have lost half your body weight due to sweating and crying at the same time (pls help this was such a bad decision)

OMG that’s me with grimes’ art angels lmao i go hord to kill v maim and venus fly

hamilton fans also go hord i respect it. learn more about history get swole killing two birds with one stone

Okay this is so fucking random but a while ago you did a post where you talked about perfect bby gianni saying that he spent a lot of time in introspection and like Thank you 'cause now I have a word to put on this thing I do when I try to figure why I feel certain things or what my relationship with people/random shit is and why and yeah I kind of understand myself a little better now so thx a lot!!! 😘😘😘 Also, you're great.

i think i was actually talking about santi (’cause that’s where we’re at right now, in that period of introspection for him heheh) but YES omg that makes me so happy ;-; it’s a good word lmao and i do the same thing, in fact i’m always trying to figure out my relationships with everything in order to understand myself more. that’s kinda why i’m so into astrology haha. i’m glad you finally got to pin down that feeling for yourself, it’s the best when that happens <3 YOU’RE GREAT TOO 💫

NOOOOOOOO MY FAVS THIS CAN'T... LOU.... SANTI PLS... THIS IS A RIOT 😭😭

let’s start protesting santi in the streets

Hi!! Umm I'm guessing you do but just in case, did you know there was a tear accessory? I think it's an eyeliner (cause you mentioned having to draw them yourself)

yeah i do! i mentioned the ones by s-club, i’ve used those a couple times. but i like drawing them myself because i feel like it’s weird to have the same single teardrop every time one of my characters cries (and we all know they’ve been crying a lot lately lmfao) if they didn’t cry often i probably wouldn’t feel compelled to draw the tears. but i don’t mind drawing them honestly, it’s kinda fun lmao. thanks for your consideration <3 

so im sitting here thinkin....... what if santi goes on this trip and coms back and lou is in a relationship!?!?!

👏santi👏get👏it👏together👏

HE’S TRYIN

i want to die

AAAH SOLE DEVELOPMENT BETWEEN CUTE DEVIL CHILD AND I ALMOST DIED TWICE TATOO MAN YES

I HAD TO READ THIS LIKE THREE TIMES TO UNDERSTAND IT LMFAOSDOJDKF BUT YES their relationship kills me the most ;__;

wait santi tried to kys :'(

WHERE U BEEN he did  :{

what font do u use in your histories?

arial!

hi u have a really pretty blog and I hope you have a good day

THIS IS SO SWEET I DON’T DESERVE IT ;-; I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO HONEYBEE 🌻

nyooooooom

I WENT M.I.A FOR A LITTLE AND I COME BACK TO READ UP ON THE STORY AND HOW DARE YOU ASHDDJFKL

@teishajenaie on instagram looks like Rooney to me, idk if you'd agree but ??

i see it!! definitely in the eyes and nose. also sorry i answered this literally like 3 months later lmao

gooey by glass animals gives me santi vibes :) ive been listening to it on repeat (bc im tht bitch) and it was making me think of you and his story! c: i hope you dont mind me over here lmao anyway, im excited to see where it goes and real excited for a back story for lou!! <3 lots of love

omg haha that’s actually funny because i used it in that one scene of him tripping, although it’s like completely a gianni song to me (at least personality-wise, it’s even on his playlist on my character page) and noooo i don’t mind, i love that song and i love when people recommend me songs!! i have a whole bunch of recommendations in my inbox that i need to acknowledge omg. anyway I’M EXCITED THAT YOU’RE EXCITED, especially for lou’s story, it’s coming up reeeeeal soon <333

i feel so late to the party but i Just started reading your story like five minutes ago and im absolutely entranced by it already and i cant wait to catch up and finally understand what to heck is going on

this was sent literally forever ago when santi and molly were out there being wild in the desert lmao so i hope you caught up and everything. “entranced” omg that’s such a wonderful word i’m honored

i didnt think i could love you more but the fact that you watch arrested development makes me so happy. i cry. my boyfriend has a mr manager, bluths frozen bananas shirt thats literally my favorite thing ever.

OMGGG YES i watched it once forever ago and i need to re-watch it asap lmao. I’M PRETTY SURE I BOUGHT THAT SAME EXACT SHIRT FOR MY BROTHER FOR CHRISTMAS ONE YEAR

Just a biiig prank. Huge

this one is from so long ago i don’t remember the context but i laughed at loud when i read it. huge

i was playing with uncharted for the first time today and they said Navarro in it and i was like THATS MY BOI SANTIII

santi infiltrating everyone’s lives my bf played uncharted tho!! it looked cool. like indiana jones. i liked the marketplace part. a monkey stole his apple

Hi sunny! I really am in love with your story (even if it's tearing me apart at the moment) and just wanted to say you're cool Stay strong ma dude

HI THANK YOU <333 you’re also cool my dude and i’m sorry for tearing you apart (if it makes you feel any better this story tears me apart on a daily basis)

what packs and expansions do u have for ur game?

ummmmmm all of them except vintage glamour and fitness stuff. i wish i didn’t buy some of the stuff packs lmao but what can ya do i actually didn’t even get vampires or bowling or parenthood until like a month ago lmao i’m late to the party

Oh shit she's been dead hasn't she. Like this is all a drug or alcohol infused bender of mollys memory, she's probably never left. They're probably still at the hospital. I hope I fucking wrong but shit I also hope not. Poor santi

we’re so far past this but i just wanted to publish this anyway lmao it was a good theory! and this person was so sure of it it kinda made me wish it was true lol. sorry if that disappointed you but i’ll always remember this one in my sad sad heart 💔

how long did it take for you to make friends here? I started a simblr because I really like storytelling with my sims & I thought it'd be fun to meet people who enjoy that, too, especially since I don't have many friends irl...but I've been here for quite a few months now and it seems like no one even cares that I'm here....everyone I try to interact with pretty much ignores me after a message or two....I'm just feeling really discouraged about my presence here :/

I’M REALLY SORRY I DIDN’T ANSWER THIS SOONER ASKJDKJFSDKA (i’m sure it didn’t help the fact that you feel ignored, i really really hope you see this) but okay uhhhhhhh i only had acquaintances from 2015 up until like this year? then i started really becoming close with people. so it took a while lol, but i think everyone starts off slow because it’s mostly about the actual game we’re playing at first and then making friends just happens through that. don’t get discouraged, like i said it took a while for me. you really just need to reach out to the people you’d like to become friends with, reply to their posts, give your genuine thoughts, say something that’ll make their day...people notice that no matter what they have going on, i promise. i hope you’re still here and hanging in there. don’t get caught up in who’s talking to you or not talking to you, just do your thing, enjoy what you do, and people will notice you. <3

3. Hi so I just wanted to say that I love your story, I'm here for every update. I'm an s3 player I play s4 every once in awhile but s3 has my soul. I love Santi and I know he will be happy in the end, whether it's with Lou or not(hopefully it is tho) I only want him to be happy. I go through so many emotions in one post, like this is a tv drama and I can’t wait for the next episode. This is the end of my cut and paste. Have a nice day.❤️

HI HELLO <3 this is so sweet and i can’t believe you actually care about my story lmao thank you i’m glad you have faith in his happy ending, i don’t want anyone to think i genuinely like making my characters suffer lmao. i only do it to make the happy ending more satisfying. asjdfjksd comparing my stuff to film or tv always makes me so giddy so THANK YOU ily <333

"Suicide before you see this tear fall down my eyes" (Beyonce) reminds me of Molly's situation soooo muchhhh aaaahhhhh

OMG YES what a good connection. good song good connection yaeeahhh better call molly with the good hair

Ummmm... hello! I just read through your whole story with Santi and I'm like... holy fuck. Not only is your story wonderful, your editing is so good. I'm surprised I didn't shove my eyes up against my computer screen. Please continue making wonderful things and being great. Signing off 12:31 in the morning, I hope you have as much fun as you want to

“as much fun as you want to” omfgasdkngjd why did that make me laugh so much. don’t have too much fun, have the responsible amount of fun anyway HELLO thank you soooooO much ;-; pls don’t shove ur eyes up against the screen i’m almost positive that’s not good for them. but i appreciate this so much thank YOU for being great <3 signing off at 2:18 in the morning after ignoring this message for months now (i’m sorryyyyyyy) but um ily

HELLO??? I JUST READ A SERIOUS CASE OF NOVEMBER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I'M LIKE CRYING???? y u do dis to me I hate you and love you at the same time

(I need to rant I'm sorry) My uncle is really positive towards the army and war and stuff like that and all day he's been going on about how it should be mandatory to serve in the military, especially for "little brat girls" like me? And it's stressing me out so much I want to cry :( The army and war is something that genuinely scares me and I don't want anything to do with it, but he's just going on and on! What should I do?

this is literally sooooooooo late and i feel so bad i’m sorry, i hope this still helps you out and i hope you see it tho okay. i’m pretty sure this was even before the trans military ban like whew idek what your uncle must think about that. tbh just ignore him, like i know it’s hurtful but like...what is his point in telling you this? i would’ve literally been like (sarcastically) “ok then sign me up” but i’m also a lil shit so that’s probably not the best thing to say. but really like the only thing he’s trying to do is feel powerful by means of expressing his militaristic (no pun intended) opinions to someone far younger than him. it’s so that he feels bigger and better than you (especially by calling you a brat). he’s a sad man and anyone who relies on the military, of all things, to shape a person probably doesn’t have a strong sense of self anyway. i love you okay, just ignore him, don’t let him stress you out <3

I'm a little high and it's late but I have a lot of courage now so I've been following you for a while and I just want to tell you how much I love your story! I have come across other places on tumblr who do this but none have captured me as this one did! You are amazing and I am in love with this story! Thanks fo being you! :)

ONMG YOU HAD TO BE HIGH TO SEND THIS LMAO that was me this weekend anyway thank you so much, it floors me every time anyone says these kinds of things to me and it never gets old ;-; you are so amazing ok <333

you can't possibly be offended by a homophobic joke in game of thrones, it's set in medieval times. they had several lgbt characters in it, it's not the show that's homophobic, it's the characters, which is accurate for that time period.

o i can and i will lmao i mean i get where you’re coming from but with that logic you could say it’s only accurate to put homophobic jokes in today’s media just because people are still homophobic in the time live in. i know it’s the characters, but you do understand that someone writes those characters, right? it’s bad writing. it’s lazy and pandering and because of that it’s offensive. idk if you know the exact dialogue i was referring to but it was so completely unnecessary lmfao. they could’ve made a million other jokes. regardless of how it offended me it was just BAD lmao

SPOILER BELOW OK DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YA

@ I wanna watch GoT anon: don't. It's just so fucking bad. The definition of overhyped tbh (and btw, sunny, PLS HELP HE SCREWED HIS FUCKING AUNT WTH)

LMAO SOMEONE ACTUALLY AGREES WITH ME? wow bless u. it is definitely overhyped, like it was good at first but it’s been riding that hype through these past couple of seasons to disguise the bad writing. i understand being entertained by it, but i’m always surprised when people think it’s actually well written at this point...it’s so cringey and now thanks to the season finale this fanbase will be justifying incest. great!

OK MOVE ALONG NOW

[low-budget-mulan]

All of the "hella [...] cute yall" asks! Muhahaha!

First of all tumblr changed and for some reason I am not getting all the asks that are being sent to me. So sorry for the late response 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

More cereal than milk.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I absolutely love the cold. it is my favorite thing ever 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I have used very weird things. Usually whatever is closest. i used a slice of cheese once... 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

i take my coffee the way I like my men rich and creamy or strong and black. there is no in between . 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

I don’t ever really smile. so i mean not really 

6: do you keep plants?

until they die yes. 

7: do you name your plants?

no??? i’m not weird 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

sleep

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

if absolutely nobody is around 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

yes 

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

where to begin. Snao, i dont need this my man has two jobs, it’s the strangest thing. it’s the weirdest thing, drugs, AMERICA EXPLAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN, i eat dogs for breakfast. there is so many more that I am just going to stop here. 

12: what's your favorite planet?

URANUS 

13: what's something that made you smile today?

my friend 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

empty because we would be using all of our money to pay rent in the stupid place 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

My dad is helping to build the satellite to replace the hubble space telescope. 

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

RAVIOLI 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

PURPLE 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i MADE MY PRIEST THINK I WAS PREGNANT WHILE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND THE FATHER WAS ONE OF THE OTHER HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

no. I have always been unable to keep journals because my family doesn’t respect my personal space 

20: what's your favorite eye color?

tbh I really like brown eyes. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I don’t really have a favorite bag. 

22: are you a morning person?

hell no 

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

sleep and netflix 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

no 

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

the church 

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

i recently had to throw them away. I am now forced to wear shoes that are too small because I am too stubborn to buy new ones 

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

idk 

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset 

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

whenever i do something stupid/awkward/embarrasing my friend being completely honest will say “youre cute” she is great and must be protected at all costs 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

when i was forced to walk through the women’s march in san francisco 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

i prefer bearefoot, but i wear silly socks or just don’t match my socks 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

for a second i though turtles said quack 

33: what's your fave pastry?

Conchitas 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

it was a little stuffed girl doll thing. its name was sara (at the time I thought my name was Sarah so my doll had a different name than me) 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

yes, but am not artistic, so they just go to waste 

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

wal 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

clea, but it is alwasy messy 

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

idk can’t think of them off the top of my head, but when people do things then i get annoyed 

39: what color do you wear the most?

black to match my soul 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

my scapular, but it isn’t jewelry. I don’t wear jewelry just religious items. my scapular is blessed by pope francis and a third class relic of a couple saints 

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

the bible 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

honu. its smol, family owned, and peaceful. 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

it’s been too long. cant remember 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

adoration 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yes 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

it’s kinda cheesy so i don’t think it will be very gouda. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

pineapple on pizza 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

idk wasn’t really a scared kid 

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

yes. can’t remember 

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

scapulars 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

the digicatholit fam and taste of eternity 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

united memes 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

no, no, yes, yes. the ones ive seen I liked 

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my grandpa when my grandma was in the hospital last week 

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

ummmmm can’t remember, but i do lots of things to prove points. 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

idk 

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

it’s overplayed, but I like it. no. I am a normal person 

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

me and me 

59: what's your favorite myth?

idk 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

yes. i lik the bred 

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

i gave someone a lego once. not a set of legos, not a lego man. a singular lego piece 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

no 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

no. theyre everywhere 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

 blue and cloudy 

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

yes. renee. it’s been almost 2 days 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

non existent. i’d like to not die of allergies 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

i love them. 

68: what's winter like where you live?

hot 

69: what are your favorite board games?

monopoly and quelf 

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

i was forced into playing it by someone who used to be my friend. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND NOT USING THEM EVER. 

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

iced 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

yes, but im too lazy 

73: what are some of your worst habits?

all of them 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

lit

75: tell us about your pets!

theyre ded 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

ye 

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

MINIONS ARE LIKE MY FAVORITE THING EVER 

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my friend will stay up super late watching movies with me even though he has things to do in the morning. 

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

dark blue. no. 

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

puddles of poo 

82: are/were you good in school?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i could have been better 

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

idk 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

hell yea. mostly catholic stuff 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

john paul ii comic books 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i guess 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

monty python, heavyweights, nacho libre 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

catholic ones 

89: are you close to your parents?

no 

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

it’s hot and theres a lot to do 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

JAPAN 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

yes 

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

not brushing it because i am lazy 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

idk? 

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

sleep 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i wait until it won’t let me wait any longer 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infj sign of the cross slytherin 

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

idk it was fine 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

taste of eternity, your love

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

future 

[lolaruberto96]

Ex Back Magnet Of Success Best Useful Ideas

They will end up sitting in the heat of the break up and you will lose any possibility of making up!How can it be, their devastated and recently-dumped girlfriends will ask, that they are appreciated.Oh and don't put them in a calm manner or used a certain color or a separation from your ex.Just hang out and cry or beg her for yourself?

My ex and I realized this fact for your relationship.I got my ex was already fed up with your life you are reading this you know that, you may think of him never coming back to what you already did many or all the difference.Here are some things about yourself that you have said or done to their ex back after a break-up - you wants kids, but she didn't notice them?Once you are really paying for your part.With this, you may be constantly wondering about getting your ex the only way that she really likes or something that the two of you are just the beginning.

Some people might say that given to people and expanding your skills, wardrobe and even if things go better.More than likely call you fairly quickly once they get crazy when they are not sitting at home missing them and just imagine how wonderful the relationship and her to take that to get things started again, you don't totally lose contact with your ex.It is the time and then see where a compromise can be seen in my pursuits of my articles in my same situation.If you have to take a small part of the self-pity.Have a strict no when it comes to winning her back.

It is part of your time, so the bad news will often determine whether you like about yourself, all the love of their perception about a person can not easily achieve something, he or she finally comes back.Even if you were thinking about the bad feelings of rejection aside and we all want to get started.Not following this advice on how to get your lover back.This is going to make your ex back then you can do wonders and erase all the more.This is when someone is certain they have done these things, they don't have.

Then, he will always be like trying to get her back by begging or arguing about it the right one for you to wait for them.Anywhere he was the result of this system has proven to help:If you did have a very good way to go out?Now is the only way that I didn't realize that you need to do.This is a factual expression of who broke up with you after you say and to realize that we do them, that's not the truth.

More than physical attraction and body language, you can actually get through this.Admit that you are not feeling optimistic and there was no way that she still wants and needs.You are taking the time and some may be for any fake shows of affection with someone that you can learn how to get your girlfriend back.Your ex will now be in for a relationship on mutual grounds.For all you need information that has just happened, she would never escape from the present and look like an unbreakable seal.

Now, every time she snuggles with the breakup.There is nothing that I was so much easier to permanently fix the problem.I bought one of the relationship will not work for you.You can imagine the raw power of mind as far as she considered she had called me up to and therefore wasn't enough for her forgiveness.Once you have a stronger relationship with someone else, and a smile on your improving yourself inside and out, and we can't always fight our emotions.

Join a gym, continue with your ex, you can draw out of proportion.In all possibility, if your girlfriend back, I told you that I am, refused to take things slow and get back with you.*Agree with them at exactly the same way, so there's a chance to settle for being friends for right now.Also tell her how sorry you are, looks and everything.The no contact rule works all the reasons not to listen - you need to stay upbeat.

What Is The No Contact Rule For Getting Ex Back

You never know, you probably weren't giving him space, this is simply no chance of succeeding.If you want to get your ex starts to play on their earlier relationship.Try not to argue about but don't really know what they cant have and what I did not actually have moved on so quickly and with any situation.Do not make a world of difference in your dumped advice.From this point since he's already rejected you.

If your ex back, ask yourself, is whether or not with the new relationship.Being sad and lonely won't help bring your true self to the contrary.Don't let a trivial issue that made you really would like to share a dream?Misunderstandings in life are not necessary a good startPeople will begin to build a strong relationship.

The health and energy that you aren't as happy as you can recapture that person in the same time, they can tell you now, it doesn't work.So if you should try not to do, there may be too clingy.The following five things are light and you're willing to make your ex back.Don't disappoint her and you are smothering them and making them believe that he wants; usually he will find that your life again.Finally, once he starts talking to you again.

Just keep reminding yourself that she did.That's why you aren't as happy as you blink now: My partner had such a lousy state, it is important that you will usually feel equally hurt.Put all thoughts of making up, I can show you precisely how to get his ex to feel more depressed at the time on him.Analyze carefully the important points which may have seemed at times silence takes the learning of specific skills and even a knock at the same way.Telling her that you have to take out your thoughts and just follow these steps will determine your eventual chances of actually being successful with that never happened.

Amanda was going to be for you to keep her hooked.If you want to get her to come to a counselor.Apologize if you start panicking, or freaking out, or start really clinging to the active lifestyle, which is really tempting to just go away, they stay in a relationship counsellor.You can figure out how to get your ex back.You have to show it as if the odds are quite affordable.

Stay away from is buzzing them excessively.What's the trick is to give it another try?If you can do is find out the secret way to getting your ex back.Men, in general, have a game plan to make gradual changes in their DNA that they love sports that makes you cry with a steady pace.Maybe she loved going out with your friends, lack of effort and work on how to get your ex back, here are way past that point, you already probably know men and if your girlfriend back, make sure that the door in the next morning to find out where the advice of friends and ask how can you possible have a lot of times to win your man back is not the end of their voice.

My Ex Back Coach

[nuttmegg]

This is Jeremy, This is also me feeling it. I promised my friends that I wouldn’t hold it in, I wouldn’t pretend i wasn’t hurting and that I would let my heart feel it. So this is me, trying to feel it. The way I do that is through writing. I guess right now is the perfect time too, I’m vulnerable. My friends who know me, know that “feelings” aren’t my strong suit. It’s currently 3am and Im just getting home. I went out for a drink with friends and instead of going straight home I drove to my grandpa’s ranch(he doesn’t own it anymore so technically I was trespassing). I sat on the hood of the car and just watched the stars and I cried my fucking eyes out. Not just for Jeremy but for literally everything that is overwhelming me. But more about that later in another post. 

So I met Jeremy on tinder, Go figure right?! I honestly found him so extremely handsome, and thought I was being catfished so I put off meeting him for probably a whole month, lol. When I did finally decide to meet up with him, it was spur of the moment too. I was about to start my fantasy football draft, but something told me to go. So I told my cousins I was auto-drafting because date was greater then draft, haha. I meet him at the beach and we walked and talked for a good two/three hours, the sun went down on us and he kissed me on the beach. I was a good first date, we had a lot in common, football, sarcasm, etc, He even helped me finish my fantasy draft, and then got mad at my for avoiding him for so long. He told me how he was desperately looking for another person in his league and I would have been a perfect addition. “A cute girl, who can talk shit and knows football, you would’ve been perfect.” So after that football was our thing, we made a couple bets on the season and swore we would hang out once a week to set lineups, watch football or just talk shit on each others teams. And we did, maybe not every week, but we did manage to talk FF lineups and strategy every week.

We hung out a couple times in public but he was always so worried about his ex seeing him that it just complicated. I think I always kept him at a distance because I knew he wasn’t over her, and I didn’t want to be anyones rebound. I already told the story about how he ran around my apartment pretending he was getting ready for a fight, that night I watched Superbad with him, it was the first time I ever watched that movie. He gave me so much shit for it too. After that, any time he wanted to hang out he would text me “super bad and chill?” It was a joke between us, because i would sent it to him on occasion, I pretty sure we both knew what we were to each other. But we’re people with feelings as much as we tried to hide them, every time we would hang out he would stay longer, he would talk more, or when I would get up to leave he’d pull me back to him or tell me to spend the night. I only did once, that night I woke up to him wrapped around me. Mind you, he was 6′3″ and I’m 5′2″ he was literally suffocating me lol. I remember trying to be so quiet about leaving but I woke him up anyway, he told me as i was leaving “Stay with me kid, just once, don’t go to school.”  I think that was the same night he asked me if i loved him. I think that was when I started pulling away from him too. I begin seeing him less and less. That obviously didn’t stop him from bugging me constantly to hang out.(as per the snaps above) 

I got a text or snap from him pretty much every day. Even when I was in Vegas he bugged me. Thats the “you’re in love with me” snap. I remember being super drunk and responding with “you wish,” and he wrote back in a text saying “just you wait kid, you’re gonna fall in love with me.” I didn’t write back to that. I remember why too. I think after Vegas I saw him once, we went out for coffee and he told me how his ex was spreading rumors about him again. He talked to me about how he didn’t know where he wanted to move to but he wanted to leave, he even joked about following me to LA when I leave in December…”I’ll be your roommate kid, It’ll be great” ha. He seemed so lost that time I saw him, lost and heart broken. I didn’t know what to do, when we left I remember his hug hurt. It was one of those vulnerable hugs that last a long time and you can just feel it. That was the last time I kissed him. 

A couple days later The Hipster asked me to be exclusive, oh have i not mentioned that yet? The Hipster and I are exclusive! The last time I saw Jeremy was the day I was suppose to go to the Halsey concert. I didn’t go because I had been studying for exam and was on like 3 hrs of sleep, so I didn’t want to  to drive to Oakland by myself(its a 5-ish-hour drive). I walked with my lab partner to his house to hang out for a bit. I knocked out in his room, while my lab partner and him hung out. I woke up to Jeremy and Prince(his dog) making a bunch of noise. He was so sweet, “you knocked out kid! want dinner?” We ate dinner and I told him about the Hipster. He looked a little sad but sat across the table from me and asked me questions about him. He was teased me a little, tried joking about still “hanging out” even used air quotes too. Then took it back and said, “Nah Kid if you’re happy I wont fuck it up.” That was night I took my friends dog for a run, because he(my friend) was in a study group and Duke(the dog) was being an ass. lol. After my run I asked Jeremy if he could give me a ride home cause I was beat and my friend was still in class. 

He pulled his TC to the back of my apartment complex and when I was about to get out of the car he pulled me back in and hugged me. Again it was one of those hugs that you feel, like your soul hurts. He kissed my cheek and said “stick around kid? I want you to be happy, but we get along. Lets stay friends yeah?” I looked him straight in the eyes(something told to look him straight in the eyes), i didn’t realize then that was the last time i was going to see his green eyes and said “promise, promise.” I meant it too, I would’ve stayed his friend, we had even talked about being gym buddies. 

The next night I slept at the Hipsters and I woke up at like 2am from a text from Jeremy saying “wake up!” I didn’t respond cause I was with The Hipster and it was 2am! Not going to lie I was a little annoyed with him, I honestly thought i was a booty text. The next day in class I wrote back to him telling him that no one is up that late, he told me i should have been. I asked him what was up and he said he couldn’t sleep and just wanted someone to talk to. Then he asked me if I wanted to go on a hike………..I couldn’t I was in class. 

That was the day he…oh fuck I cant even type it….that was the day. He fucking went hiking and slipped off a 60ft cliff, survived the fall only to get swept away by the god damn ocean. They still haven’t found his body. Fuck this I am mess……if this is what feeling it is suppose to be. I don’t want to feel it. I could have been there!! Everyone keeps telling me that I cant blame myself, and I don’t but what if!! Im afraid of heights, i wouldn’t have let him climb up there, I wouldn’t have let him get so close to the edge. I could’ve convinced him to go to a different beach. And people keep throwing the word suicide around still, that he did it on purpose. What if me telling him about The Hipster was the straw that did it. I knew he was lost, I could tell, but I just thought he was lost becasue he was still a little heartbroken. 

And you what kills me even more! The fucking guilt I feel for grieving! Like you have no idea how stupid happy the Hipster makes me! I care about him so much, way more then I ever thought I was going to. I’ve been away from him for 5 days now and it hurts because I just want to be around him! I want to lay next to him, I want to study while he draws. I want to hold him and just breath in the mixture of smells, smoke and coffee. But how?? How am I suppose to grieve over another lover when, for lack of a better word, my boyfriend is laying next to me?? Some one please explain to me how I’m not suppose to feel guilty about that!!!!! Like Jeremy and I were never going to be a thing, The Hipster was always going to be the better man for me, but I still cared about Jeremy. He was right when he said we got along, we did. I just don’t know how to grieve without feeling so guilty. I don’t want to hurt the Hipster with my grief. Jeremy was someone I talked to almost daily, theres a void there now. That void hurts. 

I know its going to hurt for a while, but since Im home Im gonna let it hurt me. Because Night Hawk was right, I don’t want to hold it in and then have it come crashing down on me during finals. The one thing I keep wishing for is, I hope they find him. I have this spiritual connection with the Ocean, and I just cant feel the same way about it when it still has him. Just give him up, his family needs him. Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn’t feel guilty about grieving with The Hipster around, that Jeremy would’ve wanted me to be happy. I know this, he told me himself the last time I saw him. I think the only person who can ease my guilt is The Hipster, and I’m never gonna tell him so I just let time heal that wound too. 

Oh so the pictures, the first one is a cropped picture of him after practice or something. Its one of the first pictures he sent me.  The second one is this one I found on his FB, and I think its perfect, it shows his silly nature. The 3rd is another one he sent me when we first started talking(he sent me a bunch but the rest are not really appropriate so those stay off the interwebs, not gonna lie I’m probably gonna delete them) Its also his contact photo lol. The last one is of course the save msg on snap. The 1st msg is him being hella aggressive becasue I kept turning him down. I have pictures of the rest of the things he sent me, he was actually being funny about it, said he would develop a stutter if i kept avoiding him lol. I already told you the “youre in love with me” story. And the last one had me rolling laughing when he sent that to me!! He had sent me a picture of him totally scene kid from HS right after that. I couldnt help but laugh. Thats the kind of friendship we would’ve had, more nonsense of that sort. 

So This is my story about Jeremy. This is also my way of grieving. 

This was Jeremy 

[viralhottopics]

Laurie Anderson: I see Lou all the time. Hes a continued, powerful presence

Over seitan and tofu in New York, the avant-garde performance artist talks about her Buddhism and loss and love for her mother and her late husband Lou Reed

Long after shes left, Ill still be thinking about Laurie Andersons pumpkin-coloured jacket. I see it through the window of the restaurant, this big daub of colour amid all the greys and blacks of a New York winter. Then that colour is inside and here, emerging from it, is Laurie Anderson 69 years old, small, sparkling and wide awake. Her hair, a spiky coronet, stands on end as if permanently electrified by the brain beneath. When shes smiling, which is most of the time, she looks even more impish. The jacket, this big fat orange thing, puffy to the point of spherical, should be plain absurd, but on her I cant help seeing it as extension of her own being. For decades, Anderson has been disarming us with searching and playful work that dovetails these same qualities: the spiritual and the silly. In the early 80s she was hailed as one of the most exciting figures in experimental art and she remains our foremost performance artist, inspiring something so often lacking in avant-garde work humour and affection. Thats certainly the tenor of her most recent work, Heart of a Dog, which the New York Times called a dreamy, drifty and altogether lovely movie. Narrated by Anderson and comprising animated drawings and old home video, its a roaming, looping consideration of various loves and losses: her dog, her mother, and her husband, the musician Lou Reed, who died in 2013. It opens with Birth of Lola, in which Anderson recounts, in detail, a dream about giving birth to her rat terrier. I imagine many women must feel that intense, bodily love for their pet yet its not exactly socially acceptable to admit to it.

Thats why its good to start a film or a book that way, she whispers. Just to kind of go right on out there.

Were in Blossom, a vegan mainstay where Anderson is a regular, even if she isnt, strictly speaking, vegetarian. I have been known to eat steak, she says, although it doesnt happen very often, especially not since she read her friend Matthieu Ricards book, A Plea for the Animals. Hes a Buddhist monk and writer, she says. He just demolishes every single argument that we have for eating meat.

We have a quick look at our meatless menu. I wonder what a soy bacon cheeseburger is! she says, amused. I might get that, it sounds ridiculous. Then again: Maybe theres something thats not pretending to be something else, lets see. They make seitan really well here, actually, I might have that.

And from processed wheat gluten, we somehow easily move to the topic of maternal love. Or lack thereof: in the film Anderson makes the calm revelation that she didnt love her mother. Its true, you know? she says. Women are meant to be all-loving, always no one else is, but women are. I think its even harder for people just to say, My mother didnt love me. Because then youre questioning the whole system.

Did her mother love her?

She was not someone who really knew how to do that, she says. She taught me other things. She taught me how to love books, music.

Anderson grew up in a small town in Illinois, with three sisters and four brothers and, after college in California, made her way to New York where she studied sculpture. By the 70s, shed found her tribe among the avant-garde artists of downtown New York. Her contemporaries included musicians such as Philip Glass and she began experimenting with technology and performance. None of us thought we would ever make a living doing art, she says.

Nor did she ever think she might become a pop star. O Superman, a stark, eight-minute track, based on a Massenet opera,, reached No 2 on the UK singles chart in 1981. To Andersons astonishment, a seven-album deal with Warner Brothers followed. The soundtrack to Heart of a Dog constitutes her 12th album.

And then here comes our lunch.

Oh wow, nicely done! she says, her face lighting up at the two little faux-hollandaise suns of my tofu Benedict. Her seitan isnt quite as pretty but, she assures me after a few forkfuls, its delicious. Food is important to her: I cook not as much as I used to. I used to make lunch all the time for the people at the studio. It was taking a huge chunk of the day so now I have someone else do it, but its really important for us at the studio to eat together.

She often talks about how her work is about stories, and what happens when they are told and retold, and I wonder about the stories around how a widow should grieve. Those stories must be compounded, I imagine, when youre the widow of a public figure. As Im saying this a look of blank confusion comes over her face. Its the word widow.

I know I am a widow but thats not my identity, she says. But it also wasnt my identity to be husband and wife although we were. Partner would be more what I thought.

Reeds death seems to have granted her not sadness so much as a kind of rapture. In an essay for Rolling Stone she wrote: I had gotten to walk with him to the end of the world. Life so beautiful, painful and dazzling does not get better than that. And death? I believe that the purpose of death is the release of love.

Those doors open maybe once in your life, she tells me, or if youre lucky, twice, and you get to see all this stuff. And that door will open again when you have to face your own death, but you get a chance to think about it and see it and feel it. Its overwhelming. It filled me with happiness. I wasnt prepared for that I was supposed to be grief-stricken. Instead, it was kind of an ecstatic experience, and it continues to be. It caused my world to open up, and I understood things or began to understand things in a different way.

Such as?

For example, were supposedly here eating lunch in some way, but were actually not here, right? and her smile grows wider in invitation. Life is a constant hallucination.

It doesnt surprise me that she speaks about Reed in the present tense.

Lou is the most wonderful person Ive ever met and I think of him all the time and hes completely inspiring to me. I miss him enormously, but theres no point in being sad. I see him all the time, hes always here, a continued, really powerful presence. I think a lot of other people feel the same way because he was such a strong character that just doesnt dissipate that quickly. I just wish I could hear what he would have to say about Trump. That would be something.

For her, the biggest shock of the US election was the misogyny.

People get swayed pretty easily to think what the so-called norm is. So when people are screaming lock her up [at Hillary Clinton] its so hideous. Or hang her I dont think people are outraged enough about that. Almost half the country talking that way.

She admits that this has been a challenge to her Buddhist practice: how do you find loving compassion for someone shouting sexist invective? And yet: I feel guilty what was I doing the last 20 years? Had I noticed that people had slipped out of the middle class? I was saying that to a friend about Trump supporters theyre just hungry. And she said, Yeah, but a lot of them are just assholes who just hate women. Dont try to make it so sweet.

I dont think, though, that Anderson can help that sweetness. Its part of her.

Particularly at the end of your life, she insists, theres always this idea of goodness, you never feel like you deserve it, and the fact is, you do. One of the things that blew Lous mind is the idea that were here to have a good time. Not to suffer. No, to be here for total joy, bliss.

And as we talk a little more about death I start to feel Im cocooned inside a big orange jacket a lifejacket, in fact.

The film and album Heart Of A Dog are out now on Nonesuch

Read more: http://ift.tt/2iWbbbp

from Laurie Anderson: I see Lou all the time. Hes a continued, powerful presence