#why are we rotisserie-ing him

[cocksley-and-catapult]

First thing I saw when I installed tumbrl for the first time was the cock and pussy webcomic,I like it.

[dicks-wifey]

Falling for Nightwing

Chapter 2:

I wake with a crushing headache, pounding at my noggin. My stomach twisting and turning like I just ate something I shouldn't have. The same pain u get when u haven't shit in a good long while.

I sit up slowly so that I don't spew chunks and make direct, head-on eye contact with a man reclining in one of those deflated hospital chairs, a sleek computer on his shapely thighs. I swoon.

Quickly, I avert my gaze and bat my long eyelashes, embarrassed to have stared for so long. I just couldn't help it. He was like The Batman, but if he were younger, thicker and attractive.

"Good! You're awake." He closed his laptop with a satisfying snap. "Can you tell me what you last remember."

My heart skips a beat, whether it be from what I had consumed or his alluring looks, and I fan my face before answering.

"I-I don't remember m-much....just e-eating dinner with m-y my father and The Batman before pa-passing out. Gasp! Am I gonna die?!" I yelp in womanly fright.

"No!" He said, "you've just been resting, your body is healthy." Although he sounded a little unsure. "Do you know exactly what you had eaten?"

"A nice cauliflower rice with a finely grilled and seasoned rotisserie chicken?" I answer quickly with a dead serious face. "I recommend the rice, it's pretty good when paired with the chicken."

"Uhm...not exactly." He pressed a new button on this silly little wrist thing he had. "Batman will be here briefly to explain the situation to you, he would also like to ask you a few questions."

My heart shatters just thinking about The Batman replacing this hunk. A crime, truly. I don't even know his name....sigh.

"And...y-your name?" I put on the dramatics, eyelash batting up-ing to 100. A whole ant farm could be blown away with such wind power.

Definitely not disturbed and inching towards the door, he flashed me a charming grin that made me flush. "You can call me Nightwing."

The Batman unfortunately chose this moment to arrive, sweeping through the door, long cape billowing behind him. "I need to ask you a few questions about your father. Then, I can explain the situation to you."

"Oh? That's it? Haha, silly, that's simple." I scootch up in my bed. "My dad's a vampire, obviously...little hair piece and pointy fangs. He's kinda old, given his mushy potato like face--. Y'know, I keep telling him to invest in a good face wash and some lotions, just to keep a little youth to his face, but he doesn't like listening to me. He prefers to use 'the blood of virgins', whatever that is, its clearly not working."

He nodded coldly, but not unkindly. "I see, how old would you say your father is, specifically?"

I tap my soft little face in thought, "40? Maybe 50? That's ancient right? And he's a vampire, so like....that's in vampire years. Making him WAY ancient."

"What would be your estimate in human years."

My narrow, feminine shoulders shrug, "Idk, 200." I smile brightly, pleased with my answer.

He looked like he disagreed but didn't say anything, "and how old are you?"

I shrug once again, plainly. "18? Birthdays aren't typically something we celebrate in my household. Why? I look pretty young? Thank you!"

"How often would you say your father eats?"

I sigh a hearty sigh and look down at my lap."....pretty often. Most nights I'm forced to eat in my room alone like a little medieval child. No offense, truly. And when he is home he doesn't wanna eat with me either! He says his appetite is absolutely and utterly ruined whenever he sees me eat or even just look his way. Whatever that's supposed to mean. I just don't understand how he feels, I wish he would express more..."

His face remained impressively stoic, "are you aware of what your father eats?"

I almost scoff at his goofy question. "Well humans of course, you silly bat. What else would a vampire eat? GARLIC?! Never, he needs to keep a good figure."

"Are you also....a vampire?" He seemed uncertain asking this, which was fair considering my lack of vampire traits.

"I mean he's my father, of course I'm part vampire. I have a few of his traits looks-wise, but whenever I mention I have any sort of similarity to him, he gags and walks away."

He looks at me with an unmoving and uninterested expression, so I look away ashamed.

"But no...no I'm not like him. I'm not cool, I'm just...plain old me. No fangs"

He tapped a few things on his little wrist thingy before checking the little chart at the bottom of my bed. "Nightwing told me you remember everything that happened last night. But you don't seem to be aware of what exactly you had eaten."

I sigh, exasperated. "Am I not allowed to enjoy cauliflower rice anymore? Ugh, why put it on the table if I can't eat it?"

"That's...not what you ate. What you ate was an accident artifact related to the goddess Nyx. Your father and I were supposed to reach a deal yesterday, and in exchange I would be given possession of the artifact."

"Oh! Did the deal go well?"

He paused like I just said something dumb. "Your father...in exchange, he's given us full custody of you."

"But...why would he do that? I thought he loved me." My soft feminine face scrunches into sadness and betrayl, "So...you're my father now? I don't wanna call you daddy."

He looks pained by my suggestion but shakes it off and returns to his soulless expression.

"I've researched this artifact extensively, but there isn't any data of what exactly happens when it's consumed--"

"So I'm gonna explode?!" I screech, straining my petite vocal cords.

"Explode? Why would...no, you are not going to 'explode', but it is important that we keep you here to analyze how you're handling the sudden exposure of this artifact. Does your body feel different to you in anyway?"

"Different? Different how? Different as in I'm gonna explode or different like I just ran a lap and am now a bodybuilder? I dont want that extra muscle." I say, tone serious. 

The corner of his mouth twitches in what could possibly be annoyance, but I'm not sure. He looks down with a sigh before  locking eyes with me.

"No....like," he paused, "well I have to leave and attend to other matters. Try to relax here and someone will come around shortly to check on you."

He whips around, heading for the door. His dramatically long cape flowing rather elegantly behind him, as if he'd practiced in the mirror countless times before perfection. I watch him leave with a smile before hearing a rather disturbing noise. My stomach.

I pat my rumbling tummy. "Shitting time, huh?"

Carefully, I hobble out of the hospital bed, my bare ass hanging out of the open back of the hospital gown. An unpleasant breeze passing by as I wobble over to the bathroom. The shit I've held in for too long finally taking a toll.

The dim yellow lights of the unusual bathroom would usually bother me, as I'm not such a lady to poop in strange places I've never been to before. But deseprste times call for desperate measures.

Plopping onto the frigid seat of the toilet, I begin pushing. My eyes shutting so that I can focus on other matters besides my current location and bowel movements.

Since the moment I've woken up, I've been bombarded with questions and strange faces, one being not so strange but rather attractive, wink wink. And knowledge that my own father has abandoned me. I would have never thought he would do such a thing, not in a million years - If he even lives that long.

My thoughts get disrupted as the strain gets into disastrous territory, my hand reaching out for the wall. A deep breath helps me concentrate back on my inner monolog.

I have also learnt that for some odd reason, this random, important object had somehow landed in my dinner last night and I'd ended up eating it. FYI, not my fault.

And now, now! Now I don't even know what shall happen to me. I might explode, I dont know, The Batman wasn't all that clear on that part. And to make matters worse, I'm trying to shit in a strange toilet in a strange hospital surrounded by strange people. I mean...no wonder I can't poop, the strain of my reality would be too much for ANY proper lady. God truly does give his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.

Suddenly, I'm snapped back to reality. The reality where I'm still in the bathroom fighting for my very life and when I thought things couldn't get much worse, the lights start flickering. First they lightly flicker but soon it begins to pick up and before I know it, the lights are flickering so fast they coukd be mistaken for strobe lights. My heart picks up rapidly and I begin to wonder if Satan himself will reach his hand through this toilet and drag me down to the pits of hell himself. Just because I enjoyed a little cauliflower rice with a side of accidental ancient artifact. Am I shitting it out right now?

I yelp as I'm suddenly bathed in darkness as the light bulbs pop. The straining of my bowel movements the least of my worries at this point, but it's still pretty high up there. My ass is feeling vulnerable.

My hand that still remains on the bathroom wall begins clutching on for dear life when I begin feeling my body slipping into what feels like a cool bath. The kind of bath that had before been boiling hot but after relaxing in for too long has turned into a chilly, liquid mess.

"No, no, no!" I begin chanting to myself, as if it will help me anymore than the stupid washroom wall.

"Help." I squeak in my coquette voice before being sucked into the darkness.

[muchmossymess]

Well while this isn't technically revalink centric (or even revali centric) it is an au of sorts that been rotisserie chicken-ing in my head for a few weeks now, so I'll leave out the just for me bits and give you the revalink version

So it starts with an expanded hyrule. More world beyond the borders we're given and more variety in the races than was ever present. Crab zora dude, crab zora. Anyway, from this I divided up the goddesses, created some cool backstories for each central city and added a lot more culture and spice and everything nice to everywhere.

But that's not what you're here for, no, you want the gays and fair enough so I do, that's why I'm here rambling.

So, not very long story made not quite shorter, revali's gale is a modified versions of farores wind, and she's sort of but not really "blessed" him and helped him learn to control the winds, and also gave him his green eyes (its a whole thing I don't have time to get into), and it's why he wears his jade bangles. He's not super aware about all this, rito don't tend to believe in the fairytales of goddesses, and it won't do his character any good if he doesnt fight tooth and nail for his abilities.

Now we have link, scrawny, depressed and never sleeps, but not nearly as much as he doesn't speak nor emote. Is very much mocked by the other guards for his small stature and wiry frame, but for as much as he eats (link will never not be a glutten to me) he trains harder and exerts his body beyond what he can stuff in his mouth. He pulled the master sword from a young age (too young if you ask anyone with common sense) and was forced into knighthood since then, doesn't know much else but shutting up and fighting.

When he was assigned to be zeldas personal knight, there was tension, mostly one sided (most of his relationships tend to be that way, and its never his side is it). She started not totally hating him after being saved by the yiga (pre-champions) and starts befriending him after he fucking collapses watching her one night (im thinking the night after the champion ceremony). Next morning they have a lovely heart to heart to hands as she teaches him sign.

Now that that's been introduced, onto the gay boys. (Half these ideas are coming to me while I'm writing dude. I have creative juices flowing out of my ass rn. Uh, that sounded weird, moving forward.)

Now onto the same time as revalis flap (I've always loved that name. Like, it's so... diminishing of what it really is, and makes it feel like it wasn't truly as one sided as it seemed), it's their first meeting, revali is an absolute prick, but not as much as he is in canon, and slightly more like the Japanese version (rivals not enemies). He can recognise links skill, but sadly lacks the introspection and emotional clarity to realise how much it mirrors his own, and subconsciously craves links approval more than anyone else's, because if the so called hero of hyrule can recognise his efforts, maybe he's worth a damn (though of course he's worth a damn, he tells himself. He's revali, champion of the rito and a warrior of legend, or will be one day).

He believes link to be some knight from riches, gifted with the most talented of swordsmen for trainers and bestowed the honour of hero of hyrule, princesses personal knight, from bribery and possibly pity. What he doesnt know is that they have both been noticed by goddesses, and had a destiny shoved in their face and a power dangled above them, just out of reach but begging to be earned. By hylia do they both earn it, through hardwork, dedication, total control of the mind and body to the point they become emotionally and physically closed off to all those around them, and losing their lives to this cause. And neither of them really realise they don't want this destiny, not truly, and that it is the source of many of their miseries.

Link believes revali another pompous and arrogant aristocrat, another warrior from riches or royal bloodlines, like the stuffy shitholes at the castle, the fellow knights who belittle him, less like the kinder champions that were also chosen, but who are still chiefs and princesses and lords. He knows he must be a powerful warrior, but thinks he needs to shut up for once, which is fair, but he doesnt know that if revali didn't scream his name the world would forget it. The world doesn't remember kids from no homes brought up in small villages who shut themselves away to learn the bow and arrow.

So uh, suffice to say they both don't really like eachother, for the same misunderstood reasons. But, revali is willing to put it to the side (not really) if he bests link (if link would just fight him already) and links willing to just put a pin in it and deal with it never (like he does with everything else).

But from then on its mostly the usual fanon shenanigans. Revali insults link on the regular, urbosa scolds him and sends them on missions together, while link remains stoic as ever, revali can tell he's sparking competition, that he is competing with him. This fuels him further to get something out of link, cause he knows that there's actually a soul in there and not just the stupid sword.

And one mission they're sent to hebra and haha link really doesn't like to take care of himself and doesn't pack anything to deal with the cold so whoops he gets sick and revali gets to take care of him and brings him to the flight range to get him sorted (and totally so he can show off his shooting). But that'll wait till links better because oh Goddess! What's this! Links having a fever dream (nightmare) and holy hylia! Is that him mumbling something that could almost be called words! Wow he looks quite distressed and he's whimpering and maybe you should do something revali (out of pity. totally. he doesnt care at all for the knight)

So he, very tentatively, very unsure, very much out of his depth because this was not in the job description, strokes links hair, whispering comforts, and realises how much of a keese nest links hair is (and yet it's still so soft. It's different from the ritos hair, but in a way that feels oh so natural between his wingtips). So before he realizes the implications of the action, he finds a brush and combs through links hair, and he calms down. When link wakes up neither mentions it, but if revali thought he saw the slightest hint of a smile on the knights face, well it was surely a trick of the light.

And im so very sorry op but I will have to leave it there because the creative juices are drying up and I have a show to catch up on. Idk if this was what you were looking for but hey. it was something. and honestly I've been looking for a reason to write out my thoughts about the boys so thank you for the motivation <3

does anyone have a botw au/ revalink au that they want to talk about in extreme detail to me because I’m so bored and have zero inspiration rn

like please like it can be something so simple and/or niche or something extremely complicated and would take a while to explain but I don’t care because anything would be nice right now. If there is something that you have been wanting to share for a while now, now’s the time PLEASEE like it doesn’t even have to be an au it can just be a bunch of head cannons PLEASE

like just message me or @ me in a post or anything PLEA🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[jennsmischievousmind]

Fucks not Found

Haunt the Living

Ch1 Ghosts | Ch2 Florence | Ch3 A Matter of Seconds | Ch4 I need a Backdoor | Ch5 Die Hard | Ch6 White Flag | Ch7 Haunt the Living | Ch8 One, but not done [end]

“Time clock, guys let’s go!”

Riding the hors-bord was fun not gonna lie, better than any Disneyland ride.

“Side doors opening. Subs in place," you announced "Four the comms?”

“Comms cut. we’re good.” 

You got on the Kismet, guns at point except for Five. Two and Three joined everyone at the rear of the yacht. Three was in bad shape, limping and making a mess of blood everywhere he’d go. Being his grumpy self, he rejected Five’s help, he was fine.

Responsible of Murat you were always in contact with him, and so hacking the military meeting room to hear his brother’s bullshit.

“Listen closely. The enemy is us. We must target him not where he is strong but where he's weak. Hospitals, to take away his safety. Schools, to take away his future. Youth, to suffocate his hope. Commence gas attack.”

His evil speech made you shiver, this so called human shit head.

“Murat you got to step in, right now!” You heard Rovach’s voice being cut off and Murat taking over. “Join me, brothers. So you don't have to kill your own people again.” You let out the breath you were holding.

“Murat has the high ground” you keep the squad informed, then turned to Three. “Hey G.I J,” you handed him his Kevlar.

“They have some fancy food up there.” you rolled your eyes knowing he was going to ramble.

One mimicked you “Really? Tell me more about that. Don't hold back.”

“This fish soup they call... labu... labuan...” Three was ranting, obviously because he was stressed as fuck.

One had heard enough “I'm fucking kidding. Focus.” But Three wasn’t done yet, they started their usual quarrel. 

“It's so delicious, man. They put this little cheese on it.”

“Does it have to be on the walkie-talkie? And we're all standing right here. Yeah?” 

“Don't you give me attitude, okay?”

“Over and out,” One warned

“I...” Three quivered, holding back his rant, you patted his shoulders holding back a laugh. 

“Okay, Rovach’s in his panic room,”

You ran to the engine room.

“When I pop this, the magnet pulse lasts for 15 seconds.” One pressed the screen. “Welcome to the world's biggest magnet.”

"Four, still on top?" One inquired

"Always" his cheeky voice boomed in the comm

One gagged, he got the wrong idea all alone. We split then, Two and Three went to the second deck. Stepping on the main deck Five followed One, while you followed Seven, the 4 of you hiding behind low walls, ready to activate One’s magnet.

“Fuck!” you cocked your head at One’s voice.

“Ah, fucking American-made! The fucking chip fell out.”

“What?” Five almost yelled.

You sighed “I told you to be gentle with it!“

“The chip fell out!”

“Well, fix it.” Seven argued

“I can't just fix it, all right!” The phone is very fucking complicated.”

“Give it to Eight then!” Five pushed One’s arm, you extended your arm exasperate.

“CONTACT” Seven suddenly yelled. Redirecting your attention to the shore, you saw a bunch of military guys ready to shoot at you. Seven and you immediately covered One and Five, the guards dropping dead in an instant.

“Wow,” you look at the mess on the shore and at your gun.

“Hey,” Seven handed you a mag “it’s us or them.”

The shooting roused the bodyguards on the main deck, they started shooting, great.

“One! put the phone down and use your gun.” 

“I got it, I got it, I got it” he almost laughed, this old man really!

“GRENADE!” Seven yelled pushing you backwards out of harms way.

“ONE!” you screamed

It all went so fast, the grenade left off the floor in a fastens, sticking on a wall far from you, people flew around the boat, smashing into the walls, hung on the metal parts of the yacht.

"Alright Baby Yoda's on board" you muttered to yourself watching the scene unfold before you.

One kept oo-ing at his own device, not expecting a result like this one. 15 seconds out, they all fell down from the walls and began heading for your area. One pressed it. They flew to the other side.

"Holy shit!“ 

The bodyguards had chest armors, made with metal that’s why they were moved around like puppets, One and his giant magnet being the puppeteer.

“Wow I mean, I wasn't "sure" sure it’d work. I had a suspicion, but I, uh” One ranted while you 3 look at him in disbelief, he wasn’t sure? ... "God, this is all so fucking dangerous.” 

“I hate you so much!” you threw him your empty mag.

“Move!” Seven lead the way

“Hey, hey! You like that phone now, motherfucker?” One kept ranting at Seven who didn't even care.

“This thing is amazing.” he was like a teen who'd seen tits for the first time.

Three and Two were covering the stairs, Three was wowed by the magnetic field. 

“Stop fucking around. We gotta find Rovach." One acted like he wasn’t wowed a second ago.

“Yeah well he's ass is still in the panic room.” you show him the CCTV of the room.

“The backdoor is near the kitchen, the deck above.” Two reloaded her gun, and tightenned her ponytail, you look at her, she was damn too gorgeous for a gun fight.

“Four, still with us?” you called in

“You have to move fast," he huffed “This boat is fucking huge, they’re coming from everywhere.” 

You ran up, Seven and One leading while Two was covering behind. You never leaving Five's side. One stood up ready to enter the kitchen when a shot fired from inside. One dropped down, activating the magnet in a flash. The 8 guards came flying into the walls, followed by utensils like sharp knives..

You slide next to One “you good?” 

He seethed “I’ll live,”

“Let’s go” Seven motionned to you for cover. Standing behind him a hand on his shoulder. He shoot at the remaining guards Two hadn’t shot yet. In the corner of your eye you caught One’s juggling with the phone before it hit the ground.

“More guys coming” Three announced

“Flashbang!” you threw it in, before coming in with Three and Seven, getting rid of the incoming guards. The boat started moving.

“Magnet! Where is the magnet?” Three screamed, there were too many guys for you 4 to handle.

“Fix the phone!”

“I'm trying! The screen is cracked!” he yelled back at Seven, next to you.

 “I TOLD you to be EXTRA gentle with it!!”

“Fuck you Eight!”

The look you gave him, if he wasn't your boss you would have shot him! Three and you shot a few guys coming east.

“We get it! One yelled exasperated “They're dead!”

“Stop yelling at us!”

"Shit.” Seven sighed. "They got our position. We need to move."

Two ran to kill the engine.

“We should split up.”

Seven and three took off, you stuck with Five and One.

Five went to talk to a security guy pined to the wall by some rotisserie meat fork “What the fuck?” 

As soon as she approached him another guy sprung out, before you could cover her, she dodged his fist, grabbed a extinguisher ready to smash him, you look at her proudly, but the thing flew from her hands heading to guard’s face. One had activated the magnet again.

“I feel like a Jedi.”

“That's not how the Force works!” you rolled your eyes.

Rovach's head of bodyguards ran into the kitchen, you held up your gun to shoot him but One pushed Five your way, so the guard would follow him not you 2. His sudden concerned for his teammates, had you baffled for a second.

“Five, flush him out.” he groaned ino the comm

‘Go, go’ you guide her to the deck, looking back at One, he kinda had it handle, still fighting with the bodyguard on the ground.

"Find Rovach. I'll distract the guards." Four stated in the comm.

"I’ll cover Five! Five and Eight going for Rovach.” Five held your shoulder glancing back while you lead the way. 

Sudden explosions had you tumble against the railing, Five grabbing a hold of you before you could trip over for a dip.

"Thanks" you look at your watch, it wasn’t supposed to blow now.

"One, bad timing!"  

He only grunt back, nearing Rovach's suite, you were still shielding Five behind you, shooting at anyone coming your way.

“I've got four guys on me. I'm on the upper deck, and I'm screwed.”

“Come on Four,” you muttered to yourself.

“We're in Rovach's stateroom." Five announced as you stealthily entered the panic room.. the asshole coming out of it as soon as you entered without seeing you.

“One, Rovach is leaving with a guard. What do you want us to do?” Five asked while you covered the door.

One ignored her, “Four, where are you at?” he asked over the comm

“One, please help me!” Four’s strained voice echoed in the comm, something was wrong, your heart clenched.

“Four? Give me a hint, buddy.” you could hear One running. 

Waiting for his next order you became agitated hearing Four’s cry of help but you couldn’t let Five on her own. You started breathing in and out loudly to calm yourself, you still had to protect Five and yourself.

“What's your 20?” Seven asked One “Anybody got eyes on the target?”

“Negative," you answered Seven

“I don't know my 20. Stay off the channel. I'm going for Four.” 

You look at Five, One going out of his way was unusual..

“Four, where you at, buddy?”

“You're breaking your own rules.” you could hear Seven’s smirked, your lips twitched.

“We gotta move,” you ran to the safe-boat area, since Rovach couldn’t board a boat anywhere but here.

“Hey” Five squeezed your arm, then look ahead, a hors-bord was getting away, with Rovach in it. 

“One,” you tried to focused back on the mission, “I got a shot, your call. It’s right now!”

“Don’t shoot!”

“But...” you lowered your gun. But you had no time to worry about Rovach when you heard Four cry out as a cracking sound resonated in the comm, a gasp leaving your lips. Before you could yell at One to help him, Five snapped you out of it when she screamed seeing a guy coming. He shoot once, you shoved Five behind you, shooting back he dropped dead. 

“Eight, you...” Five hold your arm

"Y/N..." Four whimpered your name, his voice so low you could barely hear it. Heart clenching, you stumble on the railing.

“It's a big ship. Say something, pal.” One was still looking for him

“He’s going to kill me." 

“Billy stay with me...” Five glanced at you, your eyes became teary, you bite your lips holding a groan.

“Eight” One warned as you used Four’s name.

You tried to regain your composure, ready to shoot, but your hands were shaking. The yacht had become unusually quiet, most of the guards were down. You heard a single gunshot on the upper deck.

“There you are." One's voice sounded relieved. "Cleavers”

A silence then Four's voice cut it “Whut?”

“It’s TV show, come on let’s go, fucking Millennials. Eight focus.”

“I am focus!” sniffing you let out a sigh, you shook your head at Five, but she didn't listen.

“Eight has been hit, we got to go.” you hissed at her.

“Shit, Eight?” Four inquired, worry in his voice.

“I’m fine,” you grabbed the railing holding your side “it grazed me.”

“She’s not! Shut up.” Five put your arm around her neck leading you up the stairs.

“The ship is still sinking guys!” Two interfered

“Murat?’ you called out in the comm. The thump of an helicopter drew nearer.

“Meeting point!” One called out

Five run to the upper deck followed by your limping ass, soon collided with Two and Three.

“Hey lovebirds” Five joked

You look around still alert until One appeared in your peripheral vision, he tapped your shoulder in reassuring gesture, eyeing your side, you nodded.

Four followed, holding his right arm. He held you close until it was your turn to board. Aboard the chopper, you made a sling out of a shemagh for him while Five argued with you to stop moving so she could heal your injury.

“It’s just a bruise” he muttered to you while you tied it around his neck “hey” you finally looked at him, worry still filling your eyes. “Gah” you cried out as Five patched your own injury. Four chuckled at your stubbornness, he kissed your forehead as you leaned on him slightly, seething. No one cared about how close you were with Four, everyone was focused on getting the shithead.

It was one of his choppers, so no doubt he’d get in to save his ass. And he did. Seeing Three was about the choke the Rovach’s guard you scoot closer to Four, but stayed alert just in case.

As the chopper was nearing a refugee camp, the all team had a hard time seeing the desolation in these camp. No human-being should live that way, no child should be out there seeing people die, this isn’t a life, it’s surviving day after day without knowing what’s to come.

Seeing One’s face you understood why he started this strike team, so somewhere someone could do something governments were afraid to do, or were not willing to, to keep their privileges.

This camp was one of many Rovach’s liked to gaz. One opened the chopper’s door, Rovach immediately tried to bargain for his life. The chopper lower down, One did what he had to do, what he might have dreamed to do. He shoved Rovach out the chopper, 3 meters fall with a lovely welcome ceremony from the "rebels" leaving in the camp. Sticks and stones, punches and kicks, revenge.

The team watched as the people get their revenge on Rovach. Everyone sighed, finally, the team’s first mission was done, a success.

Four discreetly intertwined his fingers with yours, you look at him, you’d never imagine finding someone after cutting yourself from the world. Looking around you smile at this new crazy family. One would argued on that obviously.

The chopper did a pit stop near a base in the desert.

“I told you, bruise.” Four removed his arm from the sling to get dressed properly. You punched is arm, he flinched. “What's with you and scaring me!”

“I'm not the one who got shot.” he said lifting an eyebrow, you frowned, he was kinda right, he looked around “Damn I'm sorry alright, and you scared me too luv! ” he took your hand in his swiftly kissing it.

After a few minutes you watched as everyone was looking far in the distance in silence. “Are we posing for Vanity Fair or what? Let’s go home!”

Getting on the jet, you went to talk to One, about what happened on the boat, as he was not there yet, you sat in his seat in the cockpit.

“Y/N huh?” you turned your head to see Seven in the airlock.

“Blaine,” you smiled, now he knew your name.

“Hey by the way, I’m sorry about your brother,”

“We don’t talk about Six,” One’s voice startled you.

“..Why’s that?” Seven asked him as he walk past to his seat.

As he wasn't answering you stood up in the cramp cockpit “Because it makes One cry,” letting One sit you patted his shoulder. “We got to talk, old man.” You left the airlock almost crashing into Three. 

“Bring us back to that fucking California desert papi!” 

Last chapter ; Eighth chapter - One, but not done

A/N: don't forget to double tap if you liked it. 🙏

[anxious-band-pan]

A list of random crackheadery from high school cause I low key miss it

“I’m gonna yeet myself into the afterlife”

“I’m gonna rotisserie cook your future children and eat them”

“KARMA’S A B*TCH!” Yelled while playing a game of uno in homeroom very loudly

a kid walked around our lunchroom with a fake blue bird pinned in his hair which was life size and honestly the weirdest part of lunch

“What should i put on my shirt for (x club)? It’s between uwu, Space Boi uwu, and rawr XD. My goal is to be as cringey as possible.”

*crying* “Well you just threw off my groove and i-“

(To the tune of G-6) “I’m a dumb bish, I’m a dumb bish”

“(X name)! How far would you have been if i didn’t stop you to tell you you’re a thot”. “Probably yeeted off a bridge by now”

“He just looks like a sad pigeon with a boss hat”

(To the tune of celebrate good times) “end my suffering, come on!”

“My hands are white!” “YOU’RE WHITE!”

“I’m a firm believer in don’t judge something unless you try it, unless it’s illegal or drugs; don’t do drugs kids”

“.....but not all dogs can fit on skateboards!”

“Can we just cut my legs off and sell them”

“Invade my body, daddy bacteria”

“That’s what I imagine it would sound like if a spider ran in tap shoes”

“My church had an average attendance of 421 this year, we were so freaking close”

“Did you know that Waluigi has the same number of syllables as hallelujah, so if you think of any song with hallelujah in it you can replace it with Waluigi and it’ll fit”

“Anyone wanna feel my swollen gland”

“Your gay is like your mother’s tendency to sleep with men: plentiful”

“If being gay is a sin is satan the gay fairy”

“Vines are like actual vines: you get stuck and you never get out” “vines can choke you though” “Yes choke me daddy vine”

“You are each gonna have a burger component on your back” “I wanna be the meat ;)”

“Grab me however you want daddy hamburger”

*showing a paper with a picture of a bottom bun* “I guess you could say I’m a.... bottom”

“STOP EATING THE DUCT TAPE!”

“Shut up, don’t talk about my potatoes like that”

“Can you snort tide pods”

*whisper screaming and hitting a chair* “WHY IS COTTON EYED JOE BACK”

“But if two furries screw, is god cool with that?”

“PHD- pretty high dolphins”

“Do crocs have memory foam? i think not”

“I’ve run out of creative ways to whip”

“This is why we shouldn’t legalize weed, because we’re having this conversation sober”

“Don’t you just get sad every time a chair dies”

“Praise our lord and savior, Magic Mike”

“I’ll give you fifty bucks if you can guess what’s in my thermos.” “Coffee.” “No. It’s chicken noodle soup”

“I’m gonna eat your fingernails” “did you say EAT” “yeah, I’m gonna chew his fingernails off”

“I already went back to Mexico”

“You’re the BFG” “How so” “Big Frickin Gay”

“But since you’re gay, would you date me if i was” “the only way I’d date you is if you were an online catfish”

“We have a speaker with fake arms today” “he cant bring those in the school those are weapons” “how is he gonna throw them?” “With his feet”

“did you say the THOT police?” “no you idiot the THOUGHT police”

“I’m not scared of Russia. Like honestly i can beat them”

“I share a brian with satan and it smells shirty” (not a typo. Those exact words. I think it was making fun of a typo)

“I look like I’m about to go repaint all my mugs with lead paint”

“And today on the game show of sentences i never thought I’d have to say: it’s not a necklace if you buy it in the pet aisle of walmart”

“You look like the kind of person who would cut spaghetti with dull scissors”

“Hey, hey, hey, not in my f***ing Christian Minecraft server”

“We’re all going to hell” “Not me” “listen we’re in a school we’re already there” “True”

*to the tune of “what is love? Baby don’t hurt me”* “POKÉMON! BABY DON’T HURT ME, DON’T HURT ME, NO MORE”

“YO! PITBULL JUST CAME IN AND OFFERED DONUTS!”

“I’m gonna suck your eyeballs”

“Are we not allowed to have our nails painted since we’re guys” -a definite female, to another definite female

“Ok, so here’s the deal: straight people are uncooked spaghetti. Gay people are cooked rotini. I’m kinda like a cooked spaghetti. I’m not straight, I’m in between.” “The Italian is now interested I’m here what’s up with pasta”

“This song reminds me of Mexican food” “How does this remind you of Mexican food it’s jazz?”

“You’re not allowed to switch schools, I need my twin cop”

“You guys are the reason I wanna die” “you guys are the reason I drink”

*taking a huge drink of peanut butter hot chocolate* “I’m allergic to peanut butter” “THEN WHY DID YOU DRINK IT????” “Because i wanna die”

“so there’s two kinds of country hicks: the yee haws and the haw yees. Now the yee haws are the ones in country songs, they’re vaguely normal and drink and do horse riding stuff. The haw yees are the ones who fish with their hands and then f*** their cousins afterwards”

“Pop is just spicy water”

“I’m sorry, it’s not pizza Steve anymore” “Who is it” “the fresh prince of bel air”

A kid took his phone out of the microwave like that was a normal thing that humans do

“BUT IS HE DATING THE DEER?!”

“Chinese people eat cats, why not lesbians?” *teacher looks up* “saying Chinese people eat cats is too far”

“A gryffindor and a ravenclaw ooh this is good”

Two girls at the exact same time: *Gasp* TEA!

*girl leans back and cracks her head on a counter kind of thing* a friend:”that’s the third f***ing time!”

“SUCK MY WEENIS!”

“If you ever need a professional con artist I’m here” *teacher looks up* “you didn’t hear that” teacher:”hear what”

“Guys I’m stupid. You know when there’s a big number and then a lil number what’s the lil one called” “exponent?” “Yeah!”

*impersonating yoda screaming*

*chugging coffee* “well, I’m still just as tired, but now my atoms are just jazzed.”

“Not to quote Frozen, but you can’t marry a man you just met!”

“Not knowing what kind of exorcise people are talking about is always interesting, because I don’t know if we’re talking about working out or satan”

“If we actually die in the scene where they kill themselves, do we get bonus?” Teacher: *sighs* “sure.”

“Physically you have hair but spiritually you’re bald.”

*Singing boyfriend by BTR for about an hour straight*

“Stop saying teehee you sound like off brand Michael Jackson”

“He smells dead mice for a living!”

*kicking someone’s foot off a ledge* “long live the king!”

*holding a banana like a weapon* “give me all your debt!”

“I want my fingers to be four inches long”

“Let me read your head for a second”

“Oh no you’re white out now”

“This is what happens when your insides are cold”

“Did you just call me a dumb banana?”

“So Kelvin is Fahrenheit...”

“Let me add another fat roll to your arm”

“You wanna see a cute pic of my baby nephew?” “Sure but I might cry”

“Listen I need these pictures to load so I can see if my goats are being little crackheads”

“I keep trying to see if you’re a VSCO girl but you’re holding out on us”

“Pumpkin. Spice. Bleach.”

“I’m already a mother and I don’t like it.”

“This is a vegan cult, Jessica”

“Did you just say you started a religion?” “Yeah, I think I’ll call it the Fedoras”

“Isn’t a fedora just like... a cowboy hat but formal”

“Yes choke me daddy panic”

“I’m your emotional support crackhead deal with it”

“She got possessed by country satan”

“If you think about it toes are just little feet”

“Oh my god imagine if you pronounced Roosevelt like goose”

“Roosevelt got really sad when i broke up with him.”

“I love how I just classified reaper as its own state of being”

“So Santa’s not a cryptid”

“We’re not meat creatures like crabs”

“Do you want to be a famous writing?”

“Self care is becoming a breaded chicken tender on the weekends”

“You are a little yellow boy”

“I gotta look up how to have a stroke”

“At least you still have straight privilege”

“You piece of b*tch”

“Children having skulls is scary”

“You wanna crochet my friend a rat”

“If you kill yourself and you have a life insurance policy that your family then collects, is that insurance fraud?”

“Spaghetti man is talking about pregnancy and I’m scared”

“You’re the cutest trash I’ve ever seen”

“Poetry? Lame. DriversEd? Lame. Dousing myself in butter and becoming a dinner roll? F*ckin’ MINT”

“Finally, an invention to get rid of me” *zooms in on words garbage disposal*

“Is Swiper from Dora a furry or an actual fox?”

“I’m laughing because I just realized the word identity has t*tty in it”

“Oh my god I thought Paris was a country”

“Girl if you are having a baby this month the only thing you are birthing is FLAT Stanley”

“My eyes really said gardening”

“I snorted soapy water this morning”

“Intestines: do you really need them or are they a social construct?”

“I watched the first episode of that show illegally, and it was great”

“How much does a hit man cost in this economy?”

“Is santa wearing stripper heels?”

“No, I didn’t give birth to a baby cow”

“I am a whole grape not a raisin”

“I’ve decided on my career. I’m becoming a hit man for cheap”

“And you fought the tomato”

“You can be gay with the homeless”

[judieasley57]

My Disclaimer:

I was provided a complimentary copy of this book. I am voluntarily providing an honest review in which all opinions are fully my own. I am not being compensated in any way.

~ Judi E. Easley for Blue Cat Review

What it’s about…

Rachel Ingram’s parents have recently died in an electrical fire in their home. David, Rachel’s fiance, has encouraged her to move up their wedding. After putting her legal affairs in David’s father’s hands, Rachel and David drive off to a justice of the peace and then to a seaside cottage honeymoon. Rachel hasn’t been feeling well and falls asleep on the drive to the cottage.

David is full of surprises for his new wife. Not only wasn’t the power-of-attorney she signed for him, but for her billions of dollars. Now the seaside cottage has turned into an oak grove picnic. And the sweet HEA she envisioned has turned into a stab in the back, literally. As Rachel bleeds her life away, David digs her grave. Once he has a shallow trench, he lowers her into it and begins covering her the dirt. The couple talks the whole time about why he’s doing this. It appears David has huge gambling debts with threats attached to them. Rachel is his easiest way of taking care of them.

Evander has brought flowers to Fiona’s grave for six months since she died of the plaque. Today, as he lays the flowers on the grave, a hand grasps his forearm. Could this be his Fiona come back to him? And he digs out the woman in the shallow grave. She has a lot of blood on her back but she seems to have no injury. She speaks strangely and wears strange clothing. This is a time of superstition. Evander takes her to his home and takes care of her. He gives her some of Fiona’s clothing and teaches her how to do things the way they do things here. He keeps her safe.

Can these two broken people heal each others’ hearts? Can Rachel help Evander reconnect with his clan? Can they help the clan resolve the problem of the undead?

Technical Tidbits…

The cover is the same style as the other two books in the series. This time the plaid is purple, which appeals to me greatly, being my favorite color.

The storyline is very good. I’m not sure where Ms. Hunter gets these ideas, but she’s really good at it!

The characters are excellent. Of course, we have the characters we know from the previous books, Lachlan and Kinley from Book One and Tharaen and Diana from Book Two. Plus we are familiar with the people who work around the castle and the other chieftains who are normally in attendance around Lachlan. There are usually one or two of the druids around as well, so we’ve gotten to know them. We even know a lot of the undead Roman legion. Hazel has done a wonderful job of introducing us to both Rachel Ingram and Evander. We met Evander before when he actually stabbed Tharaen in the neck, which is the only way to kill one of these immortals.

The pace was good. It moved along rapidly, but not so fast that you couldn’t keep up with what was going on.

The tension was good. It didn’t have me on needles and pins because having read the two previous books, I was comfortable with both the style and the concept of the books. So I had certain expectations.

Hazel Hunter has a wonderful style and quality to her writing that makes any book she writes a pleasure to read. This is not her only series. Nor is it the only one I read of hers. I have never been disappointed when I have picked up one of her books. It surprises me that her name is not better known. I am certainly doing my best to get her name out there. You can look forward to seeing more of her books reviewed here on my blog and all the sites I post.

And this is where you STOP if you don’t want to see any SPOILERS…

The good, the bad, and the ugly…and how much it lit up my life… ✰✰✰✰✰

I love the characters that Hazel has created this time! David and his father are the sleaziest ones. His father is Rachel’s lawyer. A rather intimate relationship, don’t you think? Well, he introduces David to Rachel for just the purpose David has in mind. David has huge gambling debts and he’s being threatened with danger if he doesn’t pay them off. So he needs someone with big money to be able to pay them off. He tampers with the wiring in the family house so that it burns. That separates Rachel from her parents and leaves her completely alone and vulnerable. What would be more natural than to turn to your trusted lawyer and your fiance, especially when they are father and son? Sleazebags, both of them! Too bad only one of them gets punished! Is that considered being quartered?

The table is what convinces Rachel that she has traveled back in time and this is real. And she accepts it so passively. That amazed me. She never really fought any of this. She wasn’t happy about the clothes, but she seemed to accept everything else. She actually seemed to prefer this time to her own time. Well, except when the “chicks from the future club” met. Then they all had things from the future they missed. They all agreed TP was the most missed item. I’m not so sure about the inside of birch bark. And Rachel had asked Evander to make her a simple rotisserie so she could cook her meat without the constant stewing and hauling all the water. She’s very clever about blending the times and finding ways to adapt.

The to-ing and fro-ing between life and death was rather interesting this time. It was done a bit more in this book than in others. It was even bargained for. Evander throws his deadly spear for which he is so well known and skewers Rachel and the Marquess Ermindale. That makes him dust and the undead run away. Evander grabs Rachel and offers his life as forfeit to Taraen, but Lachlan claims the right as chief of the clan. That’s Rachel and Evander dead. Then the spirits of Rachel and Fiona meet in the grove and Fiona is reuniting with her father there. She tells Rachel to tell Evander that she really didn’t mean to betray the clan and she wishes him the best. Then Evander and Rachel meet and Evander explains he has forfeited his life for her and Rachel is returned to life. She grabs the druid Cailean and forces him to bring Evander back using something she’s seen in his mind. Lachlan and the clan accept that Evander has forfeited his life once already and can be accepted back into the clan. So now they are both alive and immortal. And Fiona’s spirit is settled with her father’s. For some reason, my mind was taken with all this running around of live and dead people trying to settle Evander’s debt. It sort of became a cartoon in my head! I won’t draw it, but after you read it, I think you’ll be able to picture it, too!

I’m all set to get the ARC for Tormod, now, so that I can continue the story. I love this series! It just takes me awhile to get to each book because I have so many books scheduled to read! Starting Friday, December 1, Monday, December 4th, I will be reading Christmas themed books until Christmas, then I go back to regular books. And I’m already scheduled into February! I do some swapping out with requests and my own choices when I need to. My New Year’s Resolution is that every Monday I will have a review of the “In Death” series by J.D. Robb. I have been meaning to re-read this series for some time and now is the time. I now own all but 4 of them in e-book format, so I’m going to start reading them right after Christmas. I know they aren’t new, but I don’t always read new. And this is a series worth reading again! That’s why I bought it! Who knows, maybe y’all will read it along with me and we can discuss them along the way.

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