#why are they both like this

[klywrites]

Crina visiting Fox in his holding cell.

///

Crina: You know this is different now, Fox. This is murder.

Fox: (goes on a rant trying to justify his actions)

Crina: I'm not here to preach. You're in a delicate predicament. I came here to tell you that you might want to be pragmatic about your next steps. Do you understand?

Fox: (glaring back at her)(he understands)

Crina: You're a valuable asset to our team.

Fox: (scoffs)

Crina: And... a valued friend.

Fox: No need to get all warm and cozy now.

Crina: ......🧍🏼‍♀️

Fox: ...... 🤨

Crina: ...Remember, this visit is off the record.

Fox: Convenient. If I get out of here, I'm telling everyone you were teary-eyed over me.

Crina: You'd be submitting a false statement.

Fox: Then I want you to say it. Tell them this was a conversation between friends. Will you?

Crina: That depends on your next move, Fox. You'll have to get out of here first to find out.

[porphyriosao3]

#14 Superstitions

"Kili, don't put the bacon grease by the stove, please."  Bilbo turned and pointed to the countertop near the cold-well.  "Set it over there instead."

"Oh," Kili said, grinning at Fili, "I told you hobbits were just like dwarves.  They have weird rules and superstitions too."  Ignoring the can he had just set down, he extended a hand to his brother.  Bilbo turned to glare.

Fili sighed, rolling his eyes.  "I suppose you're right... this time," he said, reaching into a pouch and producing a few coins which he placed in his brother's palm.

"No," Bilbo said, "the reason..."

"It's like the rules in the forge, right?"  Kili interrupted.  "There have to be an odd number in the forge, never even."

Fili laughed and nodded, not noticing Bilbo's irritated look.  "Right, and you never pick up a hammer that hasn't been used in a while with your left hand."

"And the first wood in the box has to be oak, if you're making weapons, armor, or shields," Kili grinned, "and birch for pots and pans, but elm for nails.  Why elm?"

Bilbo went over and reached for the can, but Kili was in the way.  "Honestly," the hobbit sighed, "It's just that..."

"Elm is what we always used, I don't understand it either," Fili said with a puzzled expression.  "Oh, and remember when amad wouldn't let us put on our left boot first on days when it was raining?  I never understood that one either."

"Will you just..." Bilbo grumbled, pushing ineffectually at the block of dwarf between him and the can of grease.  His fingers brushed it and it fell into the open burner hole and a giant flame roared up.  Cursing, he jumped back and Kili glanced over in shock, finally slamming the iron cover over the roaring flame.

"Why did you throw the can in the..." Fili said, just as Bilbo finally lost his temper.

"That is why you don't store the can next to the bloody fire, you nincompoops!  It's not some sort of weird superstition, it's so you don't burn down the bloody kitchen!  Now get out!"  The hobbit mumbled under his breath as he peered at the stove, clearly wondering how he was going to put out the grease fire that was now handily underway.

Fili and Kili both stumbled out of the kitchen confusedly, glancing back at the fuming hobbit.  "What's wrong with him?" Kili asked.

"Well, you remember how amad and Uncle Thorin acted when we forgot their weird rules too," Fili sighed.  "I guess it's just an adult thing.  You were right; hobbits really are just like dwarves."

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[annabelle--cane]

the asexual double edged sword is that a lot of people, particularly queer discoursers(tm) online, are really really rancid about ace people who have sex, I mean like stunningly awful, so naturally sex favorable/indifferent asexuals will be very keen on making sure that they aren't erased within their own community and that people at large know they exist. at the same time, people are also Very Bad about ace people who don't have sex, and sex averse/repulsed asexuals face a lot of pressure both on societal and interpersonal scales to submit to sex that they don't want, and so naturally it'll really rub them the wrong way to constantly have "but don't worry, ace people can still conform to the societal expectation!" appended to their PSAs about their experiences of asexuality. and so everyone's just kinda upset and annoyed all the time when instead it should be peace and love on planet ace.

[bloodybellycomb]

Bro, my unyielding loyalty towards you is totally normal and healthy, I swear. It's just that it's definitely my duty to rip out your enemies throats with my bare teeth. You are the love of my life and I am your most valuable tool. Each night, I fantasize about dying in your arms, covered in blood, and then I close my eyes one final time, satisfied because I can feel your fingers on my face as I take my last breath. Haha anyways

[krysmcscience]

I have some questions about karaoke night, Alex Hirsch. Very Important Questions. Which I will happily scream at a poor hapless baby triangle who can have no answers for me, and possibly also does not have object permanence yet.

Follow-up that is I guess suggestive, but let's be real here, Bill's a fucking triangle:

Dude slipped right into his birthday suit, lmao

this is so stupid :D

Anyway, I don't care what anyone says, this brilliant individual knows what's up - Bill is absolutely way more of a monsterfucker than Ford could or ever will be, full stop.

[oars]

[ninjasmudge]

thats a red flag narinder, get that crown back while you still can

+ top panel without text below the cut

[yazmati]

some shadow and marias w bonus knuckles

[me-beef]

@strangeravatar made a great point

i was gonna focus on the spike-hotboxing-celestia aspect but i got distracted somewhere along the way and i think i forgot what joke i was trying to make

but dont you think its interesting how many guards of the exact same color/body type she's managed to accrue?? i do

ooohh you want to go look at our stickers so bad

[chloesimaginationthings]

Is Michael Afton gay or European in FNAF?…

[numberonedukethomasapologist]

(This is so random and I'm going a bit insane at almost 3am😫)

Duke: Tim! Wssp?

Tim: *face half an inch away from his phone* reading.

Duke: reading what?

Tim: 🧍🏻‍♂️

Duke:🧍🏾‍♂️

Tim *mumbles*

Duke: huh?

Tim: *mumbles a bit louder* superbat😔

Duke: omg?? *whips out his phone and opens a recent tab* same?!

*staring at eachother in disbelief for a solid minute*

[Meanwhile in the other room]

Jason: *writing superbat fics*

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo learns something about himself 🏳️‍⚧️

Based roughly on this old post.

Bonus:

[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]

[twisting-in-wonderland]

why does he meow?

[belobogindustries]

PHAETHON

[seamistgale]

Of @ghostreblogging, Where Danny has the same tax evasion skills as his parents. Kind of a coffee shop AU, but well, its gotham.