#why am i trying to reenter this fandom

[professorjjong]

absolutely disgusted just innocently went into youtube shorts and the first two videos were a sensitive moment of jinki's after jonghyun passed and the second was liTERally an edit of minho struggling to talk about jonghyun with images of his funeral and a generic sad song played over it.

this is exploitative. this is gross.

i dont care if you call yourself a shawol or a blinger or fucking anything these are real moments of real people dealing with the tragic death of someone. they are not content. do not fucking do this.

[shipmistress9]

For whatever it’s worth

Fandom: The Empyrean (Rebecca Yarros)

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Xaden/Liam

Summary: The morning after the night Liam spent with Xaden and letting him Dominate him.

Now, Xaden finally has his mind clear enough to examine his feelings. And he's done holding them back.

_____

AN: This follows directly after Making Up For Missed Opportunities .

Originally, I didn't plan to write this scene out. It was always just something that happened off-screen, an obvious development. But I see now how stupid that was, they deserve their moment. 🥰

But I also realised I had to write this scene, as I clearly did a poor job at portraying and explaining Xaden’s feelings 😅

Read more below or on AO3

“Okay, wow!” Liam gapes as he opens the door to my private bathing chamber. “This would actually be worth becoming wingleader for.” 

He takes in the room with the sink, the separate toilet, the tub, and, most prominently, the large shower. It isn’t anything special, rather simple, all in all. But I know the fact that I have a private bathing chamber is a luxury around here.

“Just… wow! Too bad Rhiannon is already heading for the leadership position, or I might give it a try. But to be honest, she’s far better suited than I am anyway.”  

I snort. From what Violet told me, Liam’s probably right there.

With a gleam in his eyes, he turns toward me. “Would it be okay if I took a shower here? So I don’t have to sneak down to the first-years’ bathing rooms?”

Chuckling, I make an inviting gesture. “Sure. It’s all yours.” 

He throws me a smirk that seems to say ‘Hopefully not,’ then peels off yesterday’s clothes. And even after how intense last night was, I can’t help my body reacting to the sight of him naked. His firm ass, the muscles covered by smooth golden skin, but most of all how unguarded he enjoys the hot water running down his skin have my cock filling out in an instant.

Halfway to distract myself, I pick up Liam’s clothes. Like most things around here, they’re the standard we all get issued, so I throw them into my laundry and pick fresh ones from my stash for him. It’s a good thing we’re the same size. 

As I reenter my bathing chamber, I find Liam still beneath the hot spray of the shower—and I pause. I don’t know why it took something as ordinary as this, but in this moment, it hits me. That Liam is truly back in my life—and not just as a fellow rider, a friend, someone as close to me as a brother but… more. And in opposition to last night, where I had to maintain the role he’d asked me to play and couldn’t risk slipping out of it, I now have my head clear enough to truly examine what that means, to realise and accept why I’m so happy, to put into words what it is I feel for him.

It’s ridiculously easy. 

With an inner calm I haven’t felt in a long time, I place the clean set of clothes onto the shelf by the sink then take off my own. “Mind if I join you?” I ask, more so I don’t startle Liam as I step into the spray of hot water behind him. 

Liam huffs a laugh. “Almost feared you wouldn’t.” 

He turns toward me, and that spark of… of something in his eyes makes my chest grow tight. Without hesitation, without thinking about it, I get closer to him, ignoring the water running down my face. My hand curls around his jaw, sliding to the back of his neck, and I kiss him. 

If he’s surprised he catches himself quickly, his one hand mirroring mine as the other arm curls around my waist, his hand splaying at the small of my back. He hums against my mouth, his lips curling into a smile before he angles for a deeper kiss, his tongue gliding along my lower lip. Groaning, I give in, give him access and let him pull me against him, momentarily too stunned to do much else. Too many emotions whirl around in my head, my heart, as he licks into my mouth, his tongue stroking against mine in a long-forgotten dance. Stoking a fire deep inside me that is near impossible to resist.

But even though there’s nothing I want more than to give in to this fire, there’s something I need to do first. Something I need to say.

“Liam,” I gasp, tearing my mouth from his. “There… there’s something I…”

“Yes?” he asks, waiting, breathing hard. 

I press my eyes shut, my forehead resting against his as I search for my words. “I… I’m sorry.” 

Those were the wrong words. I know it even before Liam’s shoulders slump, and I know he’d retreat if there wasn’t a tiled wall at his back. But I shake my head, hoping to convey what it is I meant. 

“I’m sorry for… for pushing you away all those years ago when I should have talked to you instead. I was a fool, I know that now. And I’m so relieved, so grateful that you agreed to give this a try, to give  us a try. Because…” I pull back to search his eye, need to see them, to look at him. “Because I love you, Liam.”

Something flickers in his eyes, but with the spray of hot water blurring everything, I can’t be sure whether it’s joy or hesitation. 

One second passes in silence, then a second and a third.

Liam swallows. “You do?” He sounds hesitant, maybe disbelieving even. But also… hopeful?

I take a deep breath. No backing out now. “I do. I… wasn’t in a good place back then, in my head, wasn’t able to examine my feelings with the grief and anger still overruling nearly everything else. And I’ve been too scared and frightened to admit it to myself since then, it seemed pointless anyway. But I’ve been in love with you since the first night we spent in that tiny room at Duke Lindell’s castle and you smiled at me despite what my family cost yours. And I—”

I don’t get the chance to say more. Liam’s hand curls around the back of my neck, and before I can comprehend what’s happening, he pulled my mouth back against his. 

This time, I don’t fight against the fire. I said what I needed to tell him, to confess, and this alone fills me with a sense of euphoria that makes me feel lighter, dizzy, makes me yield into his touch in a way I rarely did before. Our bodies align, pressed together all the way down to our feet, and yet it feels like it is not enough. My hands glide from his shoulders down his arms, to his waist, up his back. Mapping every part of him as he does the same with me. My lips and tongue trace a line down his jaw, and I deeply inhale his warm woodsy scent, tasting it on his skin. Every touch of his wet skin against my own leaves a prickling trail, a sensation I quickly get addicted to. I want more, need more.

“Liam…” I grind against his body, needing to feel him everywhere, and can’t suppress a groan. Where my cock was already filling out earlier, it’s completely hard now, pressed against Liam’s in the wet heat between our bodies. And it feels exquisite. 

Before I can further chase the sensation though, Liam grabs my shoulders and spins us around. From one moment to the other, I’m the one with hard tiles at my back while Liam’s the one grinding into me, taking the lead, and honestly? I can’t help but grin. 

Despite last night and how much he assured me he enjoyed me dominating him, I’m glad to see this confident playful streak is still in him. 

Honestly, he fits in perfectly with Violet and me.

Liam

I love you, Liam.

Xaden’s word keep echoing through my mind as we make out beneath his shower. Words I’d long given up hope of ever hearing.

I love you, Liam.

Over and over, like waves crashing against a cliff, they wash through me, hollowing out my defenses. 

I love you, Liam.

Amari help me, I so badly want these words to be true. And for now, I’ll act as if they are.

Xaden groans as I grind against him, the friction and the sound of him equally sweet. Almost unbearably so. Gods, I want more. I want it all.

Xaden

“Fuck… Liam!” I let my hand glide to his broad shoulders, can’t get enough of feeling his skin, his muscles moving beneath. 

It’s like the years melt away, as if they never happened. Like we’re still these young boys, grieving yet innocent in a way. Like were not fighting for our lives every day, like it’s just him and me. Except that our reality is so much more than that, which makes this even sweeter.

After what felt like hours and mere moments alike, Liam snakes his hand between us, and I can’t suppress a grunt as he manages to wrap it around both our cocks, enough to press them together. Fuck, does this feel good. 

With my forehead resting against his, I can do little more than stare down at where he holds us both, so different in shade yet similar in so many other ways. I can’t look away as he moves his hips, slowly, sliding his cock along my own, his head dragging along my frenulum. 

“Fuuuuuuck,” I moan, clinging to Liam’s arms. My knees tremble, my mind wiped clear of any thoughts at this new and powerful sensation. It feels unlike anything else, powerful yet so intimate. Light and intense at the same time.

“Fuck, indeed,” Liam groans as I watch precome bead at his tip, captivated. “Gods, I fantasised of doing this but never dared hoping…” His words trail off into a low moan as he keeps moving, his gaze caught just like mine.

“Liam…” His name is but a plea on my my tongue, imploring to… I don’t even know to do what. To pause so I can get a grip on these intense sensations? To go faster? Rougher? To slow down and draw it out? Fuck if I know. I feel my orgasm building, feel the moment coming where I could hold it back, stay in control. But in this moment, I don’t want to. 

My grip on his shoulders tightens and a low growl is rumbling in my chest as I watch more pre leak from both our tips, feel him twitch against my cock. Fuck, I’m so close.

Liam

It’s amazing, the things you remember. Like the intimate little tells that let you know your partner is close, even though it’s been years. Or, at least years since the last time you were focused enough to notice them.

Last night and during the one with Violet, I wasn’t, but now I am. I see—feel—Xaden’s body go tight as a bow string, hear that deep sound he always makes right before he comes. And it is too much for me to hold back, too. 

With a low curse, I come, and barely a second before Xaden does, as well. My mind is entirely blank as come shoots up to land on our chests, impossible to determine which is who’s, as it covers my hand, our cocks, as we both twitch, Xaden’s groan. Fucking perfect.

We stay like that, entangled and leaning against one another, both chuckling from the sheer intensity of the moment. Then Xaden hisses, far more sensitive to overstimulation than I am, and I loosen my hand. But even then, we stay close, closer even than before, ignoring the mess on our skin. Just basking in this rediscovered closeness. 

“Fuck, I missed this,” Xaden murmurs, his lips gliding against my skin, and I can only hum in agreement, too blissed out for coherent words.

Until his words from before echo through my mind once more. 

I love you, Liam.

Sucking in a breath, I step back. My eyes dart to the small window, to the rising sun outside. “Shit, I have to to hurry. I mustn’t be late for library duty, especially with Violet being ‘ill’ today.” 

It’s not only an excuse, but if it weren’t for this weird feeling spreading through my chest, I probably would draw this moment out a while longer. We clean and dry ourselves up quickly, then I put on the clothes Xaden hands me. They feel strange on my skin, even though I know, logically, they’re the same as the ones in my own armoire.

I’m just about to leave as Xaden holds me back. “Hey, Liam?”

Feeling tense, I turn to look at him.

“If you need time to think about, well, tonight and just… everything, then that’s okay. Take as long as you need.” He smiles, but I know I’m doing a bad job hiding the turmoil inside me. “Just know that me as well as Violet are here for you, to talk, to answer questions, whatever you need. And… I meant every word I said.”

I love you, Liam.

I don’t think he was lying. But I also know that what’s between him and Violet goes beyond any normal bond. It can't be the same. I want to fit in with them, and I believe them when they say they want me with them as well. But how can I even compete with what they have? 

“I know,” I reply, covering my turbulent emotions as best I can. I squeeze his hand on my arm, smile, and add, “And I love you, too, Xaden. Always have.”

For whatever it’s worth.

________

AN: I don't quite know what happened here...

I only meant to show that Xaden very much knows and accepts his feelings for Liam. And then Liam went all doubtful again, the poor boy. 😣

But then, this also has to tie into Easing Tension And Worries which takes place after this one.

Writing out of order is hard. 😅

[starshard17]

Hello! I saw you reblog a post about wanting more tumblr asks from me so here I am sending you one!

Im not part of the trolls fandom but i really like seeing it on my dash because of you, so what are your favorite trolls ships :0?

AAAAH OKAY OKAY

Putting everything under read more cause this gonna take a bit

Starting with the main ship of course we have Broppy! The two main characters of the franchise, Branch and Poppy 🩵🩷

These two are a classic. I don't know any trolls fan who doesn't ship them. Their story is followed throughout each of the movies and the holiday specials and it is so beautiful watching their growth with each other. What I love about the show is that it focuses more on the friendship aspect of Branch and Poppy as opposed to the romance which is covered in the movies

Next ship I'd like to talk about is Breek 🩵💜 Branch and Creek

Now if you know nothing about trolls, Creek isn't exactly a good guy. Yes he was a villain in the first movie but! In the first show, Trolls the Beat goes on, he's seen to be at least a little better as he tries to integrate back into Troll society.

This is Creek when he first tries to reenter the village. He looks Bad. I want to point out that his colors are fading here! This was a main plot point of the first movie. When trolls are sad, depressed even, they start to lose their color!

Branch knows the feeling very well, I'm sure you know the classic meme "because _____ killed my grandma!" Yea Branch's grandma dying is what caused him to lose color 😔 and he's been without color for YEARS

So naturally the thought process is that Branch understands Creek and what he's going through. So ignoring how the beginning of that episode actually plays out, I like to think that Branch actually spends a lot of time with Creek getting him used to being back in the village and helps him get his colors back 💜

Moving on from that, if we look at Branch and Creek's actual relationship throughout the show even though they're shown to not like each other at all they spend a ton of time together!! There's even an episode that showcases all the times they fight with each other, often times alone! Which leaves us to question why they're alone together in the first place?

In that episode they also get their hair tied together by Poppy, leading them to look as though they've become the best friends in the world and acting like the queerest trolls on the planet I swear 😭

They even almost got "married" in this ep. Yea.

Last Breek point I'd like to point out is in a later episode when Creek makes an excuse as to why he didn't provide the fondue for a fondue party

Before Creek arrives to the party everyone's trying to figure why Creek isn't there which leads to this amazing scene where Branch perfectly imitates what Creek is going to say as the start of his excuse for not providing for the party

And yes while very funny is just goes to show how well Branch knows Creek like. Okay Branch I see you 🤨

So while they are painted to hate each other, they do know each other very well! Like better than you'd think. And they spend a surprising amount time together. Honestly Branch puts so much of himself into hating Creek it's almost like an obsession, and it's the same with Creek annoying Branch

Like if you didn't like Branch would you be this touchy with him? I don't think so Creek. Also the only times Creek ever sings in the show is when it's about Branch. And they have a very gay song together 💜🩵

Next ship! My friend has very kindly dubbed this rarepair Glitter Dads 😌🩵💛

This ship is Guy Diamond and Sky Toronto

Where do I even start with them?

My friend and I were watching the show together and started shipping these two as a joke before we got onto the episode showcased in the above screenshot where Poppy attempts to "friend match" them

The friend matching ends up not going well and they get in this big fight even singing a song battle (killer song btw)

Poppy breaks up the fight, admits to what she was doing and the two of them start to walk away before being like "we did make excellent music together-"

And they end up singing a softer, sweeter version of their duet and just like that they become friends all on their own without Poppy's pushing

This of course leads to the intricate analyzation of their characters and what it would be like if they got together XD

Guy Diamond is Glitter Troll of the Year, most famous glitter troll in all of Troll village. He's the life of the party, attends just about every party in town and always makes himself the center of attention

Meanwhile Sky Toronto is the owner of the party factory. He makes every party supply in town, runs his fun business every day with minimal rest time. The queen herself said Sky Toronto has the hardest most important job in Troll village. Even more important than her being queen!

Put that together and you've got the most popular power couple in all of troll village

I will avoid going into more details because I will be stuck ranting about them forever but I would like to point out that Guy Diamond does eventually become a dad, so it is fun imagining what Sky would be like as a fellow dad with Guy to their son Tiny Diamond

Next ship I like is Bappy, Barb and Poppy 🩷❤️

I don't have a lot to say about them other than I think they'd be cute and nothing wrong with some lesbian troll <33

Which this leads me to Breekappy, which is the ship of Branch, Creek, Poppy and Barb

Although I don't see them all as being romantic with each other 🤔 I see it as Branch and Creek being romantic, Poppy and Barb being romantic, and Poppy and Branch being romantic while the remaining pairs are all platonic

Onto some ships I don't have much to say about

Bridget and Gristle, the two bergens who fall in love in the first movie and are married by the third 🩷💚

Clay and Viva, co-owners of the putt putt golf trolls area. I think they're super cute, maybe more platonic than romantic but hey 💚💛

Bruce and Brandy. They're married with 13 kids, kinda feels like a given that you should ship them but also they're just so cute with each other, how could I not 🧡💜

Veneer and Floyd. This one is more platonic. I just think it'd be sweet if after Veneer had his mini redemption arc if he and Floyd were able to become friends after 🩷💚

Satin and Ripley. They were shown interacting in one episode of the show but they were really sweet and I would've enjoyed seeing more of them 🩷💙

Smidge and Milton. In the show Smidge was paired with the gentle critternarian Milton Moss. They are the sweetest couple I have ever seen and I really wish their relationship was explored more because they are just the cutest! 🩷💛

If there are any more I have I can't think of them now, but thank you for asking!

Sorry I got a little carried away, I just love trolls XP

[frost-bites-slushies]

x

sometimes i forget that im never allowed to go back, that i cant participate over there anymore as much as id love to. i cant post anything about that anymore and its just my fault. im scared what people are saying about me there, i dont know and its so very scary.

i dont know how i couldve stayed in that fandom after what i did, but i want to, but i also know id only open myself up to reminding them of me after they likely started to move on. i dont want to be that selfish, i hurt people, i affected people, but i still like to just. fantasize over what i would do.

i'd love to have made a little fan character, based on one of my cute little plushies maybe, probably the apprentice to my favorite character in that au. probably shit at cooking just like me too, but they keep em around cuz theyre sweet eheeh

iunno, i can only dream though, as much as i wish i could make it real. i know the people there and i know they know eachother, theres no doubt at least one warned their friends about me. my favorite creator from that fandom blocked me, i still see snippets of their work through reblogs, but. i know they told the other creators in that fandom about me. to look out for me maybe. i dont know why some of those creators havent blocked me yet, but i can count my blessings i suppose, but i wouldnt complain if they did block me, because i deserve it entirely.

i dont know, i just. wish. maybe if i changed my name? maybe if i tried to change everything about myself so i wasnt recognizable? so much about me would be lost, the characters i developed for years before now, the name i got from nice memories with past friends of mine. but i would be free. i would be able to go back, to do what i want to do, to come back smarter and more informed as someone new.

but that would just be lying. and lying got me here. i would lose so much, and would it be worth it? to be able to participate in something i love if i have to limit myself forever? i can never talk how i want, draw how i want, ill have to get rid of my sona and make it unique enough that they couldnt track me down. but if i do reenter that fandom, ill be found out by them as quick as a heartbeat, because i talked with them so often and shared so much of myself.

and they put all that information i trusted them with into making a post about me. they put the art that i gave to them as gifts in the post so people could recognize how i draw, they put the details of how i interact with others and how i use my account online so people could figure me out even if i didnt post art, and im damn sure if i didnt delete it, my discord would be in the post too. if i showed my face, im sure they would have slapped that in there. im surprised they didnt try and detail what my fucking voice sounded like.

because of a stupid dingy little post they made, im restricted from things i love, because even after knowing me for months, they think i didnt feel guilt. that i wanted to hurt them and i did it on purpose. that i didnt learn from what i did to them. they think i was so immature that i didnt know what i did wrong.

do they still think that? do they believe i am really so immature and stupid that i wouldnt learn? i was their best friend. i was so close to all of them. i believed them all to be sweet people, but they made me terrified of coming back to the internet at all. I didnt run away for my own selfishness, i ran so they didnt have to see my face again, but the very person i listened to them fucking shit talk about behind closed doors found my account and outed me.

do you know how much shit i have on them? the things i could say about them? how awful they are in private? i believe only two people of the group are genuinely nice people, and even then they still cut me off, like they had every right to do. but they didnt make me terrified, they didnt yell and scream at me, they didnt call me a "slippery rat" and a manipulative lying bastard. They wanted to believe in me, but they rightfully took the victim side and cut me out. one figured out a bit later that they were wrong for trying to keep contact with me, the other was only dissapointed in me, which hurt significantly more than hateful words.

only two people of the whole group were respectful to me. they treated me like a human that did something awful, and not just a sick, twisted and manipulative monster. one of the group tried to manipulate one of the two people that were willing to keep contact and help me change. this person told my friend to just pretend to be my friend, and ghost me once i got new friends or felt better, to be my fake friend and dissapear once "everything was fine".

another ranted and called me hateful things in a reblog of the stupid post on me. they said i was a rat, that i "got away before they could get to me", assumedly to curse at me in dms like in that reblog. they told me to never come back, that nobody likes me, that i no longer had a place in that fandom.

i was scared, and i still am. but ive said that enough times. I've been scared for a while, and the people that are still beside me know that.

i just wish i could do what i love, but as they said, i dont have a place there anymore.

i think ill come back as someone new.

[pikatrainer99]

(Tagged with the Trolls tag because of the GIF I used and the fact that it's the version Branch sings as the basis)

Just a random little thing I made out of the blue after seeing the clip of Branch singing Lean On Me, one of my favorite songs (This is me singing, I have NOT had any vocal training so don't expect perfection!)

I've said before on this blog that I sing as a hobby, and I'm really passionate about it, I actually have a YouTube channel where I post song covers and I'm hoping to do some Trolls songs soon! I made a little video using a GIF of Branch singing Lean On Me (I love this GIF okay?) and recorded myself singing the part he sings in the holiday special as well as finishing the chorus with no instrumentals or backing tracks, so I played around a bit with the way some things are sung (specifically "carry on") while trying to stay on key and in tempo. I'm really nervous about posting this here but I did want to share my singing here eventually, especially since I reentered the Trolls fandom, and this is literally like only 30 seconds long so I figured I could share this and try not to overthink this, it was literally done randomly this evening and in one take so...yeah 😅

I hope you like it, I haven't had proper vocal training or anything (though I'd like to one day), it's just a hobby...I also have allergies right now so if it sounds off at times, that's why 😅

(I'm still nervous about posting this, I don't get this nervous posting on YouTube so why am I literally shaking right now before I post this here...? 😅)

[savoryscribbles]

Staying At the Wangshu Inn

A/n: Haha how long has it been since I’ve written something???? Idk? Anyways I’m in a new fandom… again,,,, anyways enjoy the fluff

Paring: Diluc x gn!reader

Tags: fluff, only one bed trope, mutual pining, lots of blushing(sorry, you and Diluc be awkward)

Warnings: none? Kinda suggestive???

It’s easy to understand how you got here, but it certainly wasn’t the outcome you hoped for.

Sure you liked Diluc, romantically speaking, had you told him yet… no. There’s no problem with that, only it became increasingly difficult to hide said feelings when you had to be inches apart from said person you were totally not crushing for.

Diluc was confused, he remembered reserving two rooms at the Wangshu Inn, yet only one was available. Had he know this prior, he would have made sure to ask for two(2) beds. Knowing this, and now knowing that only one of the two rooms he asked for were open, made Diluc a little flustered. Sure Diluc was stone cold, and very good at hiding his emotions, but things still catch him by surprise, not to mention his feelings for you was something he had not yet discussed with himself, opting for pushing them away, hoping they’d stay there.

“Are you sure there arnt any rooms available with two beds?” He muttered, hoping you wouldn’t point out his slightly pink face.

“I apologize Master Diluc, but I’m afraid not.” Verr said with a frown. You both sighed at her response, but were to tired to push the matter further, instead accented the stairs to your room.

When entering, the first thing your eyes were drawn to was the bed, which was reassuringly large.

“Umm so…” you started, not sure where you were going with your sentence.

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” Diluc responded curtly, somehow knowing what you wanted to say.

“Are you sure? The bed is quite large, I’m sure you’ll hurt in the morning if you sleep on the floor.” You questioned.

“I’ll be alright” he responded with a nod “you should wash up, we’ve had a long day, and another one tomorrow.”

You decide to listen to his words and headed towards the bathroom, before stopping and turning around.

“If you’re really going to sleep on the floor, at least take a nap on the bed first so you get some semblance of sleep.” You suggested, smirking to yourself as you locking yourself in the bathroom before he could protest.

‘I guess a small nap couldn’t hurt’ Diluc thought to himself ‘they are right, my back is going to hurt like the devil in the morning’ he decided he was going to take a nap, and settled on the bed, not bothering to pull the covers down.

You hadn’t realized how much time you’d spent in the shower until you reentered your shared room, only to see the dark star filled sky in place of the orange hues whom were there when you entered. Your eyes fell to the bed, seeing Diluc sleeping peacefully. You cringed as you saw him laying atop the covers. ‘How am I going to get under them? This was my plain, but I expected him to actually use the blankets…’ you didn’t like seeing him still fully dressed in his combat attire, which was Lilly uncomfortable for lounging, but… you also didn’t want to wake him up, because likely he would refuse the bed, and instead let you use it, which is exactly what you didn’t want to happen.

You’d finally devised a plan, decided your best corse of action was to just sneak into the bed, and hope he doesn’t wake up. But first, you quietly exited the room, and asked Verr for an extra comforter, which she happily let you barrow.

You still were upset that Diluc would be sleeping in his uniform, but decided it was better than him sleeping on the floor, and carefully put the extra comforter over him, tossing your fingers he wasn’t that light of a sleeper.

You looked down at his face as you finished tucking him in, he looked peaceful, free of worries, so unlike his cognizant expressions. You justified that a little forehead kiss wouldn’t wake him, seeing at you’d already layered a blanket atop him without trouble.

You gently pressed your lips to his hair covered forehead, but froze as you heard his sharp intake of breath, you waited a moment, not realizing your lips were still on his skin, before pulling away, hoping to find his eyes closed. Only luck wasn’t in you hands, because his eyes were very much open, and his cheeks quite red. He looked at you as he sat up.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He said, adverting his eyes away from you. “I hope you weren’t going to sleep on the floor.” He added with a scowl.

“I wasn’t” you responded, giggling a bit, “I was going to sleep on the other side, I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable first.”

“Oh, you didn’t need to, you should have woken me up.” He whispered as his blush darkened. At this point you wanted to see how flustered you could make him.

“And let you sleep on the floor? Nonsense. You should get changed into something more comfortable, I truly don’t mind sharing the bed.” You smiled, resting you hand upon his shoulder, making him take a sharp breath.

“Are you sure? I really don’t-“ he tried

“Yes I’m positive, now go change.” You said sternly with a squeeze to the area you were holding, before letting go.

Diluc sighed as he stood up, following your directions and grabbed his night clothes. He was almost to the bathroom when your voice interrupted the silence.

“You can change in here, I’ll look away, I promise.” You truly wanted him to be comfortable, but didn’t realize until after, how suggestive it was. You didn’t even try to retract your words, just sat there flushed with your eyes wide.

He was taken aback but smirked at your flushed face. “You don’t have to look away.” He responded, pulling his shirt off. Your eyes widened further as you covered your eyes. E he himself was surprised with his boldness, but continued changing nevertheless.

You slowly open your eyes as you feel a dip in the bed. “Are you sure you want me to sleep in the bed?” He asks you once more, making you roll your eyes. “For the millionth time, yes I’m fine with it, just stay on your side.” He nodded at your response and turned away from you, scooting to the far side of the bed. You did the same, falling asleep peacefully.

Diluc was the first awake, which wasn’t surprising, however what he didn’t expect when open his eyes was the sight of you, inches from his face, sound asleep on his chest. He flushed red, and stood about as still as a tree on a clear day. His mind raced, not sure what to do. Should he stay still? Should he wake you up? Should he move you as gently as possible? Should he kiss you away? He had no clue what to do, but opted to just stay where he was, you needed your rest, and he was likely going to disturb that if he were to move. However he couldn’t just do nothing, so he reached to run his fingers through your hair, he loved the texture of it, and he loved the little scrunch your face made when he did it. Diluc let out a light airy laugh, ‘you are so cute’ he thought to himself ‘if only you truly liked me back’

You and Diluc had been friends for years, often doing missions together, and you even aided in his quests to protect Monstat. And that’s all Diluc thought you saw him as a friend.

You were gently pulled from you slumber as your pillow, which you didn’t remember being this soft, rumbled, wait- rumbled? You open your eyes only to see that you were not in fact laying on a pillow, but rather on Diluc’s chest, it was embarrassing, but so comfortable, he had the perfect body temperature, which is presumably why you were drawn to him in your sleep. You wanted to stay here for longer, so that’s what you did, you closed your eyes once more, hoping for a little more sleep.

“Why do you gave to be so… cute? And you’re just laying here, I shouldn’t love you as much as I do, but I just can’t bring myself to not,” Diluc muttered to himself with a sigh. This confession of sorts cause you to open you eyes in surprise, right as he looked down at you.

“I- thought you were asleep.” He quickly explained. “Please ignore what I just said.”

That is the exact opposite of what you did, instead you pulled yourself up to hover over him before leaning down and kissing him.

“I love you a little bit to much too.”

[acenancy]

The Ace x Nancy x Tamura of It All

I’m here as a hardcore Nace shipper (see the URL) to throw my two cents into the Ace x Nancy x Tamura discussion.

Some of you straight up hate Tamura and that’s cool, I get it, no judgement, but I personally like him a lot as a character. And I LOVE the connection he and Nancy have. Their repartee is entertaining, they share a passion for solving mysteries which is key to being Nancy’s friend, and their very different life experiences help balance each other out. 

You know, since one of them is grounded in reality and the other is navigating through life in a supernaturally charged hellmouth.

That being said, I hope they grow closer during S3 WITHOUT becoming explicitly romantic. And I think that may be exactly what happens! At most, I think that while solving magical mysteries, Nancy and Tamura will engage in a fun little flirtationship  that will lead to genuine friendship. His partnership with Nancy would be solidified this way as well as his honorary membership to the Drew Crew. This could serve three purposes: 

Forcing Tamura to accept the supernatural elements of Horseshoe Bay, thus weaving him more intricately into the plot.

Creating tension between Nancy and Ace 😏

Exploring and adding depth to whatever sort of relationship they’re trying to establish between Tamura and Ace.

I see all of this playing out fairly simply: while Nick and George are busy juggling real life and a wedding, while Bess devotes her time and energy into researching her family history and finding love, and while Ace prioritizes Amanda, Nancy finds herself without proper backup. So! Perhaps unintentionally, Nancy gravitates to Tamura. There's crimes and mysteries to be solved and since her friends are not fully available to her, who better to turn to than the guy who’s job it is to investigate these things? And so begins the Nancy and Tamura buddy cop comedy that is both dreaded and highly anticipated depending on what social media outlet you’re using.

Though let me repeat: BUDDY COP. 

I really don’t think we’re going to have an Ed and Lorraine Warren situation on our hands with these two. Truly, if the S2 finale is anything to go by, I think S3 will allow Nancy to grow into herself outside of a romantic or sexual relationship. She’s not running from herself and into someone else’s bed anymore. She’s embracing and learning to love herself. I’d even go so far as to say Nancy’s love interest next season will be...Nancy lmao. 

As for Tamura, if they decide to give him a romantic interest, I think they would either have his ex-fiancée reenter the picture or maybe even do him dirty and stick him with Temperance for plot reasons. A doomed Tamura x Temperance romance would actually be fun to see, in my opinion, and would be a great way to open Tamura’s eyes to the supernatural. That’s just me spit-balling, though. Whether it’s because of Temperance or not, I think Tamura is finally going to have to accept ghosts and witches and magic are real this season. It’s just a requirement for working with Nancy Drew.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, we have to address the Nace of it all. Sorry to Tamura but I do believe you’re being used as an obstacle in True Love’s way next season. I think fandom’s general consensus is that the more time Nancy and Tamura spend together, romantic or not, the more jealous Ace will become. While I agree, I think Ace’s jealousy will stem from somewhere a little deeper than just seeing Nancy with another guy. 

Take Gil, for example. Ace was sort of jealous of Gil, but more than anything he was wary of him and concerned for Nancy’s wellbeing when she was with him. Unlike Ace, Gil never had anything to offer Nancy except for sex and a getaway car. He sure as hell was never her number one person. In fact, he wasn’t even Nancy’s number five person. There was never a reason for Ace to be envious of him.

Tamura, on the other hand, can prove to be just as much of an equal to Nancy as Ace is. As chief/lead detective, he also has power and influence that Ace and Nancy do not, and access to people and resources that Ace does not have (unless he can hack into them). Tamura can help Nancy bend and break the law without consequence if need be, too. And, although naive in regards to the mystics of Horseshoe Bay, he is just as smart as Nancy and has, on the rare occasion, even been one step ahead of her. Tamura is an asset, to say the least. Together, he and Nancy make a formidable duo.

That’s what will make Ace jealous. More than the prospect of romance between Nancy and Tamura, I think that Nancy finding another intellectual match is what will rub Ace the wrong way. They’ll find themselves at a brief moment in time where Nancy will turn to Tamura for assistance before anyone, including Ace, and Ace will realize he absolutely hates that someone who is not him is Nancy’s partner in crime now.

Maybe Nancy won’t notice, but Ace will probably realize his love for her is not of the philia sort. I’m sure Amanda also will. And? Maybe Tamura will see it too.

Which brings me to one of my favorite dynamics of the show: Ace and Tamura’s.

I’m not gonna sit here and spin my crazy conspiracy theory that they’re brothers. Though that idea will always hold a special place in my heart, slowly but surely I am accepting that Ace’s long lost brother really is Grant. I’m being a total grownup about it. I swear.

Nevertheless, I do think they’ve been trying to build some kind of relationship between Ace and Tamura since before Tamura even met Nancy. What sort of relationship? God, I wish I knew.

They meet each other first, which doesn’t necessarily mean a lot, but it’s worth noting that they’re on each other’s funny little shit lists before Nancy even enters Tamura’s picture. It’s also Ace and Ace alone that hears from McGuinness that Tamura will be replacing him in the same episode. Then, of course, we have that crazy Shabbat dinner in 2x03 that exacerbates their antagonistic relationship further. Then there’s their snarky banter and all of those totally unnecessary side-by-side shots of them saving Noah in 2x10. Apart from Nancy, Ace is the only member of the Drew Crew that we’ve seen Tamura develop a real connection with, even if it is an unfriendly one. And, as of now, their relationship doesn’t even have anything to do with Nancy.

So where are the writers going with this hilarious and hostile bond between Ace and Tamura? Has all of this really just been buildup for a romantic rivalry? Hey, maybe! I really can’t figure out another reason why the writers have gone out of their way to create their dynamic since the Brother Theory has been disproven. But something tells me this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

And when I say “this”, I mean Tamura taking a step back from Nancy once he realizes he may just be filling in the love of her life’s shoes. Because that’s where I think all of this is going. Not necessarily anywhere romantic between Nancy and Tamura, but somewhere more friendly between Tamura and everyone.

At the end of it all, Tamura is going to finally embrace the supernatural, he’s going to become an ally to Nancy, Ace, and the rest of the Drew Crew, and, when the timing is right, he’s going to hop onboard the Nace ship with the rest of us. 

I HOPE.

Side note: this is just where my head is at. I truly respect all of your opinions and ask that you respect mine too. If you agree with what I’ve said and want to talk, let’s talk! If you disagree and want to talk, we can talk too! Please, just don’t get nasty with me. This is a television show about fictional characters at the end of the day, and I am a real person. Much love to you all. ❤️

[fandom-collective-writers]

A Dare gone Wrong

Fandom: Court of Darkness 

Rating: NSFW  

Pairing: Guy x MC 

Warnings: light bondage, teasing, edging 

Prompt: “I’m not done with you yet” “Your mouth feels so good” 

WC: 1164

Written by: @chaosangel767​

Asked for by: Anon

“Well, You know what you have to do” Guy looks at me with a smirk as I sigh. Why did I ever agree to that dare? I ponder the question as I unlace my dress and let it fall down. I slowly bare my body before the Avari Prince and feel my face flush under his searing gaze. He is seated on the sofa in front of me watching and waiting. I walk toward him in just my undergarments and heels as he requested me to. He glares impatiently and motions for me to kneel between his legs. 

I kneel slowly, not meeting his gaze until he grabs me under the chin and lifts my eyes. Leans down and harshly kisses me, bruising my lips and dominating my mouth, deepening the kiss. I allow him to and accept him greedily, I know this song and dance well enough. This isn’t the first time I have been with the Avari Prince and from his actions I am sure this won’t be the last. He releases my mouth and I noticed he has released his erection from his pants and is guiding my mouth towards it.

“Don’t make me wait any longer” He orders and I carefully take him in my mouth, drawing him as far back as I can and I listen to him let out an approving huff. I gag slightly, taking him all the way back and relaxing.  I feel his fingers lace through my hair and pull causing me to moan around his cock. He groans and I lift my hands to pump the base of his cock but he stops me. Tying my hands with a crimson colored ribbon and letting them rest on his stomach just out of reach of his cock. 

“I just want your mouth” He tells me as I take him all the way back again feeling tears prick as I gag on him. I bring my head back and start running my tongue along the underside of his length, feeling him pull my hair again. 

“Your mouth feels so good” He laces both hands through my hair and starts guiding me faster and further onto his cock, only pulling back to allow me to breathe. I feel tears prick my face and he speeds up, I can tell he is close with how fast he is going and the huffs of approval coming from him.

 He grunts as he continues guiding me, he keeps his cock deep in my throat as he releases. I gather everything he gives me on my tongue and show him before swallowing, just as I know he likes. His eyes are still burning with desire as I sit back on my heels. He motions me to stand up and I do so only to feel myself get lifted up and turned on the couch, facing the back of the couch and the door. 

“Oh I’m not done with you yet” Guy promises as he stands behind me and  spreads my legs as far apart as they go and places himself firmly between them, yanking my panties down and rubbing my core. 

I let out a loud moan at the stimulation and he tsks, plunging two fingers into me, stretching me impatiently. 

“Look at how wet you are and I’ve barely done anything to you other than use you.” Guy growls in my ear nipping harshly at my lobe. 

“Do you like being used for my pleasure this much?” He accentuates his question with a nip to my neck as he rubs his erection against my clit waiting for my answer. 

“Yes” I manage to moan and I feel Guy smirk against my neck, his hands tighten on my hips before he enters me. I let out a breathy moan at the feeling and throw my head back, barely keeping my balance with my bound hands. 

His thrusts are shallow and teasingly slow. He pulls out and rubs against my clit before adjusting me and reentering at a slightly better angle hitting the perfect spot. 

“Don’t you even think about cumming, this is all about me remember?” He growls warningly in my ear as he thrusts slowly but deep. I groan in protest feeling my body starting to tense from the pleasure. I rest my head against my hands on the back of the couch and hiss as his fingers grip into me, there are definitely going to be bruises there tomorrow. 

“If you wanted to cum so bad you should have won the dare, this experience would be so much more exciting for you” His harsh words are countered by his hands running up and down my arms. He bites my shoulder and deepens his strokes so he is burying himself in me and pulling all the way back out at a painstakingly slow pace. I whine and try to meet his thrusts, but he holds me firm against the sofa, not allowing me any extra stimulation other than the deep slow strokes. I clench my fists as tears of frustration start to form and I let out another whine. Guy answers my whine by thrusting deep and holding it there pressing his body against mine and not moving. I roll my head back to meet his crimson lust filled eyes. 

“Prince Guy please, I can’t take any more, I really can’t” I beg him, the tears making their way down my face. He glares down at my face, not responding, just watching the tears fall. Finally with a huff he wipes my tears with his thumb and releases my hips and pulls out slightly, giving me a little room to move. 

“Just because your mouth was amazing earlier I suppose I can give you a little reward. If you can make yourself cum without touching yourself and just by grinding me then go ahead” he tells me while stilling completely and bringing his hands up to caress my breasts. 

I take his offer and immediately start grinding and moving myself on his length, resting my head back onto my arms as I move, feeling his hands pulling and pinching my nipples slowly. I moan at the sensation and find the right angle for him to hit the perfect spot in me and start grinding, feeling my pleasure build. He lets me grind as I please, only releasing small huffs of pleasure as I clench around him. 

Finally I feel myself fall over the cliff of pleasure releasing cries of his name and feeling my energy drain. I feel him release as well a second time from the feeling of my orgasm and he groans, biting my shoulder more harshly before pulling out. I sag against the back of the couch and I feel him release my hands and he sits next to me running his fingers through my hair and rubbing my back as I rest. I curl up against him and smile happily enjoying the warmth of the room. 

[shih-coulda-had-it]

35. “Why are you looking at me like that” i want to see what you do with this one

Anon, give me free reign, and I will return with some of the nichest interests to fandom. Another sourdough starter! This is for a time-travel AU with Yoichi/Sorahiko (Yoihiko) for end-game. Sorahiko's canon is set after Nana dies, and before Toshinori heads to the States.

//

So Sorahiko got punched some thirty-plus years into the past.

Fine. Typical One for All bullshit.

(He is going to punch Toshinori so hard if he ever gets back to the present. Regardless of how much Gran Torino deserved a humbling, Sorahiko did not sign up for this.)

It’s a nightmare of a time period, especially because pro-heroes aren’t exactly a concept yet. Sorahiko is unlucky enough to be picked up by some kind of guerrilla faction, and even more unlucky when he finds out they are connected to All for One. Not in a friendly way, mind.

The leader of the resistance and his right-hand man interfered before Sorahiko could be summarily interrogated and killed. To be fair to the guerrilla faction, Sorahiko had been shooting his mouth off left and right, because this whole situation was awful, and he wasn’t shy about taking his frustration out on assholes.

Things that alarmed them: his gear, his hair, and his unheard-of Quirk.

“Are you related to Shigaraki?” the leader had asked, suspicion written all over his face.

“Who the hell is Shigaraki,” Sorahiko had answered, eyeing the leader’s gauntlets.

Talks are, believe it or not, uphill from there. Once Sorahiko is confirmed to be thoroughly, passionately agreeable to using violence against All for One, he is more or less folded into the resistance. And before long, the resistance launches an all-out assault on All for One’s base.

Gran Torino is mercilessly placed on the front lines, nearly shoulder to shoulder with the leader (determinedly nameless) and his right-hand man (Sanjuro Yojimbo).

“Easier ways to take me out of the game,” says Sorahiko, checking the suction seals of his gloves. He grimaces at the loosening fit; although his time hadn’t been the best with the daily grind of patrol - villain - paperwork, its miserable characteristics did not hold a candle to the present.

These are lean times.

“Gran Torino, you’re the one who wanted to wear your shining beacon of a costume,” says Sanjuro. The man adjusts his bandana, fussing with fraying seams.

“I wasn’t going to repaint my gloves and boots.”

“And now you’ll attract all sorts of attention,” sighs the leader. The three of them are sharing one last quiet moment, staring at the hastily-scrawled map Sorahiko managed to draw up. Honestly, he has no idea if the resistance would have managed this fight without his help.

They certainly aren’t in any records.

“Sure you won’t tell me your name?” Sorahiko needles. “Dead man’s request.”

“As you like to remind us, it’s hard to kill you,” the leader says. He folds the map into squares, slides it into his jacket, and cracks his neck from side to side. “Send the signal.”

A red flare shoots up into the sky.

Gran Torino, as the fastest, hurtles himself over the gates and dodges the first slew of projectile Quirks. Nothing particularly dangerous, nothing tricky. However much All for One is in his prime, the Quirks of this era are… lacking in potency.

That, or All for One has already snatched the strongest of them up.

He supposes the real nightmare is that All for One’s followers are simply that. Followers, willing to do what the man wants, in broad daylight. Vicious, vindictive, villainous. The civilians can’t fight back, because the ban on public Quirk usage affects them the hardest. The government flounders, still is floundering by the time Gran Torino had hit the streets, so… it makes sense that this resistance appeared to fill the gap.

His entrance into the building is preceded by an unconscious woman’s body, thrown through a window. Presumably, the leader’s gauntlets will blow open the front doors, but once Gran Torino is on the move, he tries not to stop.

“Get him!”

“What the hell is he wearing?”

Gran Torino kicks that commenter in the face. He moves on. One, two, five, ten--there are more guards than he anticipated. Further down: a stairway, a hallway, a large heavy door with a spinning handle attached.

Despite knowing of the smart thing to do (wait for reinforcements), Gran Torino sets on to open this door.

It does not turn easy. But it does turn, and the door does open.

He shoves it, steadies his footing, and braces himself for a surprise attack. The light from the hallway floods into a dark room, and Sorahiko can barely discern a cowering figure on the floor, pale-haired and green-eyed.

“N-nii-san?”

Sorahiko blanches as the sound of an explosion shakes the floor above. He knows of very few people with hair like theirs, and this trembling voice does not sound like All for One. Stumbling back so his shadow doesn’t fall over the other man’s, Sorahiko has a crazy thought: whoever this relative of All for One is, he looks--kind.

“You’re not my brother,” says the man, green eyes going wide. “You--”

“Do you want out?” Gran Torino demands.

“I…”

“This estate is being attacked,” he says, trying to pick his words carefully. Shimura was always better at reassuring terrified civilians, or de-escalating emotional spirals on the verge of a panic attack. “If you need help, then… the people I’m with can provide it.”

“You don’t know who I am.”

Gran Torino exhales, sharp, and stalks into the vault. The man stays on the floor, staring up and up, except his eyes hold less fear and more fascination. They follow Gran Torino as he crouches, and then they skitter to gaze at the outstretched hand.

“I don’t need to know who you are,” Sorahiko says. “I wasn’t sent here to find you. All I know is that you’ve been trapped in this room, guarded by more goons than feasible for a hallway patrol.” He tilts his head. “Makes for easy lines of attack, I gotta say.”

“... Your Quirk?”

“Trade secret,” says Sorahiko simply. He wiggles his fingers. “This is an offer. Get out of jail free card, you could say.”

The man hesitates, but he reaches back, thin fingers ever smaller against the size of Gran Torino’s glove. They curl into a surprisingly strong grip as Gran Torino levers them back up.

“Can you run?”

“I’m not in the best of shape,” says the man, sheepish.

He considers his options. Escorting a malnourished unarmed civilian will turn them both into sitting ducks. Carrying him? That’s doable. It may also deter Sanjuro and the leader from automatically killing the man.

“Ever get motion sickness?”

“Never had the opportunity.”

Gran Torino nods and says, “I can carry you. In my arms or over my shoulder, pick your poison.” Upon seeing the flustered expression bloom, Sorahiko rolls his eyes. The man won’t see; the lenses are opaque. “If it helps, it will be faster if you’re in my arms. I can compensate for the extra weight easier.”

Not that you look like you weigh much, Sorahiko adds silently.

“Whatever works,” says the man, faint, and Gran Torino hooks one twiggy arm around his much broader shoulders and scoops him up off the floor by the knees. He’s right. The man doesn’t weigh much at all. Fingers curl in, grabbing a handful of his cape.

“This’ll work,” he confirms, and turns smartly on his heel to exit the vault. Before Gran Torino reenters the hallway, he stops and warns, “Bodies up ahead.”

The fingers tighten. “You killed them?” the man asks woodenly.

“Mine will wake up with a severe migraine.”

“Ah.”

That’s about as much as Gran Torino’s willing to throw his comrades under the bus. He forges on into the light, picking his way past the fallen unconscious bodies. Being in the past has turned him more cutthroat, but… he’s been hardwired to perform swift knock-outs. For most wannabe villains, getting kicked unconscious once is embarrassing enough to turn them onto milder paths.

Better a shoplifter than a mugger, in Gran Torino’s eyes.

These ‘guards’ had been pretty pathetic. Supposing the resistance doesn’t send a ‘clean-up’ squad, the idiots might be able to turn over a new leaf.

He would use Jet, but the hallway is kind of tight. So Gran Torino is stuck walking until he reaches the stairs, and he tries not to jostle his passenger. This effort does not go unrecognized, a fact Sorahiko realizes when he glances down to check in.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, unsettled by the shining green irises.

It looks uncannily like when Toshinori actually respected Gran Torino, instead of hating him to the point of sending him far into the past.

“You’re a hero,” the man whispers, almost giddy with the naming. “You’ve got to be.”

Sorahiko bites the inside of his cheek. His face feels too warm, a fact that he will have to blame on the floor being heavily insulated. Slowly, to better communicate a disbelief that he doesn’t actually feel, Sorahiko says, “And what makes you think that?”

“Your suit. The cape. A refraining from meting out ‘righteous justice.’” The man layers the sarcasm thick on the last two words, like he’s quoting some egotistical asshole.

“Some villains make the cut,” mutters Gran Torino.

“Exceptions to the rule?”

They’re at the bottom of the staircase. Sorahiko can hear the resistance wrecking shop upstairs, and he is keenly aware that he will be entering the fray with another man in his arms, in a one-person lift more commonly associated with bridal carries.

“When a villain promises to destroy your whole world,” he says, “when they already have destroyed a crucial part of it, with no remorse, no intention to atone... I think…”

This is hardly the time to indulge his grieving heart.

Nevertheless, the man presses his hand against Sorahiko’s chest. Sorahiko, startled, meets those fascinated, fascinating green eyes.

“I hear you,” he says, quiet in his empathy. A quick breath. “My name is Shigaraki Yoichi. It’s nice to meet you…?”

Sorahiko swallows past his trepidation.

“Call me Gran Torino, Yoichi-san,” he says.

[just-lils]

When does postpartum depression end?

My child will be one (I know, WTAF?!) in a few weeks. Is that when postpartum magically ends? is there a time limit? After a certain point, it probably just shifts to regular depression. Will I ever feel like myself again?

Now Lils, whinging is not what Tumblr is for. Tumblr is for fandom and creativity (and infighting and white supremacy, which is why I’ve largely abandoned tumblr).  However, my feelings are too big for my skin and I don’t know where else to put this, so. I can’t be creative, I don’t have time for fandom. I knew I was going to have to give up parts of myself to be a mom, but this is harder than I expected. If I manage to get a spare 5 minutes to paint/draw/play music- it’s just....too much pressure. I don’t feel like I can do anything good in that timeframe, so I end up watching youtube videos of real creatives while getting a jump on all the dirty dishes. Trying to do art feels like picking up the pieces of a life and jamming them into a frame that’s too small. 

Even trying to re-enter fan spaces is hard. I don’t have anything much to say- I don’t have time to read fic. Most days I’m running on fumes, so when I have a few minutes to check in with friends it’s not “This latest fic from X is AWESOME” it’s “My kid is *finally* asleep and it is AWESOME.” I don’t want to be the person that prattles on about their kid and is constantly showing pics, but literally the only thing I’m doing is trying to keep this tiny human alive. Not that I was interesting before, but I am VERY BORING now.  Being a new mom during the pandemic is lonely. I have a feeling that motherhood, pandemic or not, can feel very lonely. We moved right before the pandemic hit, so there’s not really a support network where we are. Very few friends and family have actually met my daughter. Now that things seem to be looking up, maybe that’ll change. As with fandom, though, I feel it will be difficult to reenter that space. Things are too different, now. Maybe if I enter rooms like the Kool-Aid Man and just say “What up? I’m a mom now!” I can start from a place of humor instead of being nervous about being judged. Lead with humor, right? 

I’m realizing that some of these feelings stem from pressure to be “old Lils” and contribute to the group in the same way I used to. I can’t anymore. I’m sorry.

MomLils will be fun/creative/a fully functioning adult again at some point.

[trishvaylar]

I have just seen "Misere", 8.14 of The Blacklist. In fact I have watched this episode three times back to back and this is what I have to say about it, what I must say about, what I feel obliged to say about it.

First things first, I felt Red's grief as acutely as I would have felt my own grief. Liz' part in Anne's unfortunate death was just that, accidental. And I do believe that this is the turning point in this feud that Liz started against Red. For a time being she wanted to act like an avenging angel of death when it came to Red, but to go all the way through, and actually take his life not with the help of other people and devises, but with her own hands, is what she quite simply couldn't do. She had said she knows Red's weakest spot, "you can not kill me and I can", but the reality of it that she herself is facing one truth right now, to which the spirit of her soul, of all the good there is in her, leads her as Mr. Kaplan.

Before "Misere" Liz' motivation has been revenge for her "Mother". Right now it is the way back to "just let your consience be your guide". Liz is not a cold-blooded murderer. She wasn't one in season 2, she is not now. She was blinded by her rage, pain, loss, she was all for handling the flaming sword of vengence and bringing it on Red's head. But seeing his sorrow and pain, just like being on the brink of being the reason why Ressler could have died only because Liz was attempting to kill Red in the hospital in the beginning of the season, showed Liz that a rampage of revenge is a way to fully loosing herself, not finding the true path to her destiny.

She may blame Red for putting Tom into her life - but Tom has become the love of her lif, no Tom without Red=no Agnes without Red. She may blame Red for Tom's demise and her own coma, Kaplan's death, Sam's death, the Witch' death, but the truth is: Sam was dying anyway, Tom died because of Kaplan's actions, of her setting him up by giving him the bones she dug up of her own volition, she herself killed herseld because SHE WENT TOO FAR IN HER REVENGE ON RED! And here is Liz, seeing Mr. Kaplan as the one person whose spirit is showing Liz exactly what revenge is turing her, Liz, in! Which is both beautifully heartbreaking and extreamly plausible.

What essentualy would have changed if Red had chosen to stay away from Liz? She chose to study forensic psychology because that was her choice. She decided to work for the FBI because that was her choice. She wouldn't have Tom and Agnes, but there would be a man, probably marriage, child, most likely adopted, because that was what she wanted. She would learn to think like a criminal even without Red, because to be a good profiler, she would need a deeper understanding of how criminal mind works, only she would learn longer and harder. She would discover that justice is not always achieved lawfully. She would discover her inner nature with or without Red, Sam would die of canser anyway. And who knows, Kirk and/or the Witch may have discovered that Katarina Rostova's Daughter is alive and works as an FBI profiler. Then the Cabal, and all the others could get the wind of that fact too. And then the hunt would begin, only without Red to lessen the impact of the hunt, the reason for which would come as a complete shock to an unsuspecting profiler.

Liz was marked before she was even born. Red as the Mother could only stay away this long...until he knew she would not be safe, and tried to minimize the impact by hiring Jacob Phelps, aka Tom Keen, aka Christopher Hargrave.

And to be completely just: there would be no The Blacklist unless we have Red and Liz and their relationship being exactly what it is. If one part of the fandom blames Liz for all the betrayal she inflicted on Red, after all the times he proved he loves her and protecte her, and the other blames Red for ever entering Liz' life, the truth is exactly in the middle of all that; the coin has two sides, but we could only see both if the coin is resting on its' edge. The MO of the show is that we can not be only team Red or team Liz, we should be both, because there is no team Red without Liz, no team Liz without Red. It is either both of them or none at all.

Right now we are through the middle of season 8, with sure knowledge of season 9, which was never declared to be the last. And the MO stays the same: we get to know who Red is=end of story. So Liz will find out that the Witch was not her Mother before season 8 is over. She will continue trying to solve the mystery of who Red is and why he plays such a huge part in her life. The hunt for the blacklisters will continue, and Liz will continue searching not just for Red's true identity, but also for her own.

"Our journey isn't over yet. You may have given up on us, but I haven't". Red will never give up on Liz, and Liz will keep searching, making mistakes, trusting the wrong people, hurting Red and coming back, blaming him, and then seeing parts of the truth, but the journey will continue until we all arrive to the point when the mystery will be revieled. Until then it is a difficult and long path of two people to each other, and at the same time to the core of who each of them really is individually.

PS: to those who say that Red and Anne having sex "kill Rederina": guys, that is what identity change is all about, you have to act like the person you impersonate; if you impersonate a man, have sex with a woman, or your disguise is burnt. And, come on, Katarina was shown to be bisexual, and Red too is bisexual, and SEX REALLY IS NOT ABOUT GENDER OR IDENTITY AT ALL, it is about pleasure any person could make any other person expirience in full. All that is needed is the desire to do so!

PPS: Liz needs her Mother. I will stay and see the story through just to see her finally being reunited with Her, or finding out that her Mother never abandoned her and was there for her the entire time Red reentered her life! No matter how many seasons it will eventually take, but that is all there is to it. I am there for the Reveal. Not for the audience, for Liz!

#Misere #Season 8 #Episode 14 #Liz Keen #Red #Raymond Reddington #Tom Keen #Mr Kaplan #Sam #Rederina #choosing the way #a personal take on the last seen episode #and on team Red #and team Liz #which in fact is the same #put the coin on its edge #to observe both sides #objectively #Anne 😭

[set-phasers-to-whump]

“i can’t lose you too”

prompt: “i can’t lose you too” (alt no.2)

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi here is Another eddie fic. its set at some point after shannons death and the lawsuit but idk when. use ur imagination i guess :)

Buck’s running back into the burning building before Eddie can even reach out and touch him, stop him. One second he’s next to Eddie and Bobby, surveying the flames, and the next there’s the sound of a scream from inside the house, and Buck’s taking off. 

Without even thinking, Eddie moves to follow him, but he’s stopped by Bobby’s firm hand on his shoulder. He knows he could shrug him off, chase after Buck, but there’s something in the way Bobby’s grabbing him that stops him from moving.

He watches, stock-still, as Buck reenters the building, which moments ago the team had vacated due to its being too unstable. And Eddie knows, knows, he’d do the same thing Buck is doing now, hell, he would be doing it, were it not for Bobby holding him back with that firm grip that screams something is wrong. 

“You are not following him,” Bobby says, at the same time that he pushes the button on his radio. 

“Buck, get out of there, now,” he instructs, and his voice is forceful but there’s a note of fear underlying it that makes Eddie’s blood run cold. Bobby’s hand clamps down harder on his shoulder, almost painful now. 

“Don’t,” he instructs, leaving no room for argument.

Buck’s voice comes back through the radio, slightly garbled. “Almost got her,” Eddie manages to make out. He breathes a sigh of relief, feels Bobby’s hand relax slightly from his shoulder. Maybe there hadn’t been anything to worry about, maybe he should run in after Buck now, maybe...

The roof of the house caves in with a deafening crash that leaves an eerie silence in its wake. No one speaks, no one moves, for one single second, and then everyone is moving into action, and all Eddie can think is not him too. Buck can’t be dead.

He tries his own radio, calling out to Buck, but gets no reply. All around him other firefighters are moving, and even Bobby’s in action, leaving Eddie to do whatsoever he pleases, but Eddie doesn’t do anything. He feels frozen. He feels helpless. He can’t lose Buck. 

He can’t move. He stares at the ground and tries to not think about Buck trapped or hurt or dead. He tries not to think about Shannon, about her blood on the concrete and the way it had felt to know that someone he loved was dying. 

It is happening again. He still can’t move. 

And then, there’s a shout, and he forces his eyes up. For a second, he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing. But there he is - Buck, stumbling out of the ruins of the building, an unconscious woman thrown over his shoulder, alive. 

Eddie watches like he is outside of everything as Buck carries the woman to Hen and Chim, who are prepped with a gurney. He watches Buck remove his helmet, looking sweaty and sooty but otherwise completely fine. 

He sees Bobby approach Buck, sees the two hug, sees Bobby smack Buck lightly on the back of the head. He sees Hen and Chim climb into the ambulance with the woman, sees Bobby gesture at it and Buck shake his head. 

He still feels like he can’t move. 

And then he sees Buck look around, meets his eyes through the visor of his own still-on helmet, and feels his eyes fill unwittingly with tears. He tears his gaze away, forces his feet to finally move, but away from Buck, until he’s hidden in the shadow of the truck. 

A moment later, Buck approaches him, and he really does look so alright that Eddie damn near collapses in relief. 

—

Buck follows Eddie behind the truck, curiosity overtaking the adrenaline that’s slowly stopping its relentless course through his veins. His mind is going a mile a minute, wondering why Eddie’s apparently hiding from him, rather than maybe congratulating him on his epic rescue or berating him for not waiting for Eddie to come along, or something, anyway. 

He steps into the shadow of the truck, sees Eddie’s head raise to look at him, sees him stumble backwards until he collides with the side of the truck. 

“Whoa, you good?” Buck asks, hurrying to his best friend’s side. He tries to reach out and place a steadying hand on Eddie’s shoulder, but Eddie pulls away. 

“Hey,” Buck says, his voice now all seriousness. “Eddie. What’s wrong?”

Eddie isn’t looking at him. His face is turned away towards the ground, and his helmet is still on his head, like he’s just forgotten to take it off, which isn’t like him. Something’s wrong.

“Eddie,” Buck repeats, stepping closer. “Eddie.”

Very carefully, he reaches up and removes Eddie’s helmet, looking for the first time at his face. 

It’s hard, lips drawn thin and eyes steely like he’s angry, or concentrating really hard on something that he doesn’t want to be concentrating so hard on. “Eddie,” he says again, for what feels like the millionth time. “What’s wrong?”

And then Eddie’s face isn’t all hard and drawn. It’s scrunched up and has the look of someone trying - and failing - to keep themself controlled. And he’s crying. It takes Buck a second to process that, and as soon as he does, he feels worry rush through him. Eddie doesn’t cry. 

He’s already standing pretty close to Eddie, but he steps closer still, until their bodies are nearly touching. 

“Please, Eddie,” he says. “Tell me what's wrong.”

Eddie breathes in a shuddery inhale, sniffles, and wipes a hand under his eyes that doesn’t do much of anything as his tears continue to fall. Part of Buck wants to reach out and brush them away, to touch Eddie, to let him know he’s not alone in whatever this is. 

Not that he’d do that now, bring this whole new thing into their relationship when it’s clear there’s something that’s not right. 

“I-” Eddie starts, then stops, breath heaving. 

“It’s okay,” Buck says, as comfortingly as he can. “Nice and slow, yeah?”

Eddie nods, and then speaks, his voice as soft and as scared as Buck has ever heard it. 

“You went back in there. You went back and I couldn’t follow you and then the roof collapsed and then you were just...you were just gone. And I couldn’t move and I thought you must be dead and I can’t - you can’t die, Buck, I can’t lose you too.”

Eddie leans his head back against the truck when he’s finished speaking, and this time Buck doesn’t stop himself. He puts a hand out, touches it to Eddie’s cheek, presses their foreheads together, and for a second just breathes, hoping like hell Eddie won’t shove him off. 

He doesn’t, so Buck takes that as his cue to speak. “You’re not losing me, Eddie,” he says, and he wants it to be a promise, but it’s one he knows he can’t make. 

“You don’t know that,” Eddie whispers. “You don’t…”

“I know I can’t make any promises,” Buck agrees, voice equally soft. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t try my hardest to stay with you.”

For a second after that, neither of them speaks. Buck listens to Eddie’s breathing, hearing it slowly even out. Their foreheads are still pressed together, and Buck’s hand is still on Eddie’s cheek, and he can feel that they’re on the edge of something. 

He pulls back just a bit, looking at Eddie. He’s sweaty and tearstained and there’s this look on his face that Buck thinks he would do anything to banish forever, but despite all of that Eddie looks beautiful. He looks like something that Buck, too, can’t lose. 

So he says it, pushes himself off that edge. “Listen, Eddie. We both know I can’t make any promises. I can’t swear that I’ll stay by your side forever. You can’t swear you’ll stay by mine. But that doesn’t make us any less real. It doesn’t make us weaker. I think...I think maybe it makes us stronger, you know? Knowing what we could lose, fighting to never lose it. I am not letting you lose me that easily. I’m not letting Chris lose me that easily. I’m not leaving you if I can help it.”

He takes a breath, meets Eddie’s eyes, wonders if he needs to say it. 

“I love you,” Eddie says, and he looks down, away from Buck, like he’s not sure Buck’s gonna say it back. 

Buck gently grabs Eddie’s chin, guiding his head up so they’re looking at each other again. He looks into Eddie’s eyes and smiles, sees the ghost of a smile appear on Eddie’s own face.

“I love you too, Eddie. And that is something I can promise will never change.”

hope you liked this! i feel like i am getting repetitive with this kinda story but oh well. my fic my rules yadda yadda. but yeah thanks so much for reading! hope you enjoyed even if it was repetitive :)

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Verboten 9 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:   AU. When Danny was five years old, he went missing for 2 weeks. In the years that follow, his family tried to make sense of what happened, only for the truth to be discovered years later.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, language. Be prepared for some very weird things

Chapter warning: discussions of death and injuries

Parings: Danny/Sam

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr. This fic is very heavily inspired by folklore surrounding mysterious wilderness disappearances

Chapter 9

"So, did Frostbite tell you that there are other people from our school here?"

Danny raised an eyebrow at Tucker's question. His friends were working on catching him up to speed on what happened after he collapsed. It was fairly straightforward as they were taken to a different room to do a quick medical examination to make sure there were no injuries or signs of changes. Once Frostbite's medics were satisfied, they were given warmer clothes as lands of the Far Frozen were similar to those of the article circle. According to the Far Frozen, the clothes were kept in case they needed to temporarily house any humans they found.

Unfortunately, the one aspect of hospitality the Far Frozen could not provide was food. Not only was it difficult for them to procure, it was also easy for it to get contaminated. As such, they did not want to risk providing Sam and Tucker any form of food in case it triggered a change in them. Luckily, Sam still has some granola with her which she shared with Tucker, who whined about there not being meat available for a good ten minutes.

"Yeah, apparently Dash, Paulina, and that group were all taken right around the same time we were," Tucker continued.

"Was it Plasmius?" Danny held his breath as he waited for the response.

"No, it was someone else," Sam responded as she played with the hem of her jacket sleeve. "Frostbite said it was someone name Aragon or some of his followers. And as much as I don't like them, I don't think anyone should have been forced to deal with what they have."

"Should I ask?"

Sam shook her head. "Frostbite won't even let us go in the room while his medics work. They're apparently really messed up, and at least one of them is missing part of their arm. As much as I hate to say it, we might have gotten lucky that it was Plasmius that found us."

"That is a creepy thought, but I think Sam is right about that," Tucker agreed. "Although Frostbite didn't want to explain it to us, we got enough to know that they were targeted for their blood."

An icy chill passed, which was worsened by the lights signaling his switching of forms, passed through Danny's body as he tried to process what Tucker told him. If it bothered his friends, they hide it well. "What do you mean?"

"We're not really sure. Plasmius said something about it too, but both him and Frostbite didn't go into any detail. Sam said she thought she heard something about it?" He glanced towards the goth, who appeared to be deep in thought.

"Yeah, I think there are old legends about it," she eventually replied. "I can't recall the story, and even if I could, I wouldn't be able to tell you if there was any truth to it."

Danny just nodded. "What about Mikey? We saw him get taken too, right?" When his friends wouldn't meet his eyes, he grew concerned. "Guys? What happened?"

"Mikey… he… he didn't make it," Tucker admitted. "Some of Frostbite's men did find him, but, that other ghost, Youngblood, already…"

"What about his body? His family should at least be able to bury him."

"Danny… there isn't a body." Tucker's voice trembled as he spoke. Although they hadn't been close friends, Tucker still considered him one. "When he was found… they said he was now little more than a ghost designed to be another's doll. There was no signs of emotion or personality."

"Frostbite didn't want to tell us that," Sam continued, "but, we pestered one of the medics enough to let it slip. They said it was one of the worst fates a kidnapped human can endure."

"That… that's really messed up." Danny fell silent as he thought about Mikey's family, and how they would never be able to get closure. With a jolt, he realized just how worried his own family had to be. They nearly lost him twice before, but now, he wasn't even certain if he could return the third time.

With his body in a weird in between state, Frostbite had no idea whether or not he could return to the world of the living as ghosts could not remain there for long. There were so many questions. Would he remain like this? Would his human side eventually disappear? Did he still need to eat like a human? Could he still bleed? It was just as frightening as it was frustrating.

There had also been concerns whether or not he should be anywhere near his friends, but Tucker and Sam refused to remain separated from him. Although they were told the same thing Danny had been, they were being supportive of him. If his unintentional switching of forms was bothering them, they were hiding it very well. They also far more scared for him than by him which was extremely comforting.

A knock on the door was the only warning the three got before Frostbite reentered the room. "Good news," he announced as he approached them, "we have gotten reports there will soon be a portal opening near where you were originally abducted. Sam, Tucker, you and your classmates will be able to return home."

Excitement flashed across Tucker's face for a moment before it fell. "But what about Danny?"

"Ah, until we can verify he can safely return to your world, he is more than welcome to remain here." After the ghost glanced at Danny, he gave a reassuring smile. "However, we should find out soon. Before we even had a chance to contact our allies, we received a message from Master Clockwork."

"Clockwork?" Danny and his friends questioned.

Frostbite nodded reverently. "Master Clockwork is an ancient and solitary ghost of great power. It has been many years since his last contact, so we were very surprised when he reached out to us."

"So why now?" Skepticism colored Sam's voice. "If it's been that long, what's so special about Danny's situation to make him suddenly want to interact with others?"

"To be honest, I am unsure. While it is rare for him to contact others, we are uncertain if that is from his own desires or due to the Observants. Perhaps it is a combination of both." Frostbite gave them a gentle smile. "Sam and Tucker, it is almost time for the portal to open. Please prepare your things."

"No way! I'm not leaving here unless Danny's with us!"

As much as he appreciated Sam's declaration, he knew he needed to try to change her mind. "Thanks, Sam, but I think you and Tucker should go home while you have the chance."

Although Tucker sent him an understanding smile, Sam just glared at him. "And just leave you here? The last time we were separated, something weird happened to you. I don't want something to happen, and we never see you again."

"Sam, can't you tell Danny's worried?" Tucker placed a hand on her shoulder. "Whatever happened to him, he doesn't want to have happen to us."

"Thanks for the translation, Tuck. I also want to know you'll be far away from this place and safe," Danny walked over to his friend and gave him a quick hug before he turned to Sam and placed a quick peck on her cheek. "I'll find my way home. I promise. And, Sam? After this is all over, I'll treat you to that new restaurant you've been eying."

Sam's lip quivered as she tried to keep her emotions in check. "Are you finally asking me out?" Even her voice shook. After Tucker agreed with him, her fight had disappeared. "If you bail, I'm going to hunt you down."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Frostbite then escorted his friends out of the room while allowed Danny to collapse back on the medical bed. If he was honest, he didn't want to be alone, but it was too dangerous for his friends to stay by his side. He couldn't keep them safe, and the longer they remained by his side in the world of the dead, the more chances the world had to alter them.

Before Sam and Tucker were allowed in to see him, Frostbite explained the change could be caused by anything. Food and drink was the most common. It didn't matter if it was offered by a friendly or malicious ghost or simply found by a wayward human as it was too different from what was found in the world of the living. Some ghosts could purposely trigger the change. Frostbite was hesitant to explain how, but it almost sounded like they passed on an illness or curse. To make matters worse, simply being around ghosts or in the world of the dead too long could also trigger it.

He sighed as he waited for Frostbite to return. This world was toxic to humans, so he was it was him and not them staying behind.

….

Sam remained silent during the journey with the Far Frozen. She and Tucker were sitting in the rear of what appeared to be some sort of large sleigh which was pulled by strange glowing creatures which vaguely resembled huskies. Two of Frostbite's people were steering the sleigh while two more held on to the back and stood on the foot boards.

Across from her and Tucker sat an unconscious Kwan, Star, and Paulina. They did look terrible. All three had bandages and gauze on their faces, and bruises were forming on clear skin. Dash and the others were on a different sleigh which was following behind them.

As much as she hated to admit it, she was glad she never encountered the same ghost as the A-listers. Sure, Plasmius was creepy and potentially dangerous, but he never outright harmed them. However, she did admit that seemed directly related to his desire to keep Danny.

She sighed as her thoughts flickered back to him. He still seemed like the same person when he waved goodbye to her and Tucker, but she was scared that wouldn't be the case for much longer. No one knew whether or not Danny would stay like that, or if it was possible for his situation to worsen or reverse. If it worsened, did that mean he wouldn't be Danny anymore?

Frostbite mentioned he had once been human, but he could barely remember how he used to be. And if she heard correctly while Plasmius was talking to himself, memories were sometimes affected during the process of becoming a ghost. If that happened, would he still remember them? Would he still have the same personality? Would he act more like the ghosts who hurt the A-listers? She kept trying to push away those fears and remain positive, but every time she remembered his inhumanly green eyes, they came back.

Tucker tried to distract her by pointing out things on their journey. Even with everything, she had to admit the strange scenery was something else. The sky was still a strange mix of green and purple. There were floating islands in the distance and occasionally floating doors. If she looked downwards, there was some sort of ground and occasionally what appeared to be rivers and forests. However, she also sometimes caught sight of unsettling shadows which seemed to duck out of sight if she stared at them too long.

After Tucker mentioned the shadows, the two tried to convince themselves the shadows were nothing of concern. However, that idea was quickly pushed aside when they caught sight of the yetis steering the sleigh pointing at some of them before conversing in hushed tones. Before Sam could make up her mind on whether or not to ask if they needed to be concerned, the sleigh violently served to the side.

"What the f…?" Before Sam could finish, a barrage of green lights rained down on their right.

"Look!" Tucker pointed at something above them. "How much do you want to bet that they're not friendly?"

She glanced up to see what appeared to be a black carriage drawn by black pegasi with flaming manes. There was a flaming figure standing on the driver's seat brandishing a sword in one hand while firing the green light from the other. The sight would have been so wickedly cool if one of the yetis riding on their sleigh hadn't have thrown up some sort of bluish shield. It took her a moment to realize it was ice.

She wasn't expecting the green lights to cause explosions when they hit the ice shield. After one blew a hole in the shield which allowed another to damage part of their sleigh, she and Tucker huddled together in the center. Somehow, the A-listers remained unconscious. "Must be nice," she angrily muttered.

"Hang on, children!" one of the driving yetis told them as they directed the sleigh towards a nearby floating island which appeared to have a large forest on it.

The landing was rough. The sleigh bounced a few times before it began sliding over the rocky terrain of the island as it headed towards the ghostly forest. The ride remained turbulent as the yetis dodged around trees and rocks. Green lights and explosions followed them.

After several tense minutes, the sleigh finally came to a stop. Sam and Tucker shakily tried to stand, but the yetis told them to stay put and remain silent. Other than their breathing, Sam was unable to hear any other noise. Eventually, she whispered, "Tucker, do you see that?" as a strange green glow appeared deep within the forest.

"Yeah… I really hope that's nothing more than a ghostly firefly." Tucker's hope was quickly dashed as more lights began appearing, and as they drew closed, they almost looked like skeletons.

"Brace yourselves!" one of the yetis suddenly yelled before the sleigh jolted forward. However, it never had a chance to move forward. Before Sam could figure out what happened, she and Tucker were picked up by one of the yetis, who then ran into the forest. The A-listers were grabbed by the others. Sam had just enough time to get a glimpse of an army of glowing skeletons overtaking the sleigh before the sight disappeared behind a tree.

The yeti did not stop until the trees began to thin, and it wasn't a gentle stop. The ghost basically skid to a stop before placing Sam and Tucker down and instructing them to stay behind him. Sam peaked around the ghost, to see the flaming figure from the carriage standing in front of them. It wore black armor.

The figure brandished its claymore at them. "Hand over the humans. My liege is in need of them."

=================================

Regarding the Aragon reference: I was debating between him and Pandora, and ultimately choose him due to his status as a villain in the series.

As previously mentioned, per Greek mythology, ghosts needed blood to regain their sense of self. Which is why she was considered. However, there is an old story in southeastern Europe that I almost forgot about until was trying to double check something and was reminded of it. It falls into the weird gray area between ghosts, zombies, and vampires seen a lot in that region for centuries. They have creatures which start out as shadows and then slowly gaining a proper form which resembled what they had in life as they consume blood over a 40 day period. Once they reach 'maturity', those creatures have bodies which resemble what they did when they were alive and no longer have to return to the grave at dawn. As such, my brain went, "I'm using that."

If you're interested, I know one of the traditions translates them to "Howlers" or "Screamers" as they are known to pace an area during that 40 day period, kind of like weird listless zombies, and make strange noises. However, these tales do vary between countries and even villages so it may be difficult to find.

[haiky-u-lously]

King Kuroo and the Red Knights (9)

Summary:

A Camelot AU where King Arthur is Kuroo Tetsuro, and the Knights of the Roundtable of characters from seasons 1-4 of the HQ anime. Eventual Kuroo X Reader.

Themes:

Action/fighting/killing, dead bodies, Fluff, Angst, Humor, Eventual Romance

Warnings:

Mentions of stalking and abuse of power, Language, Angst in feelings, Gore and fighting, mention of explosion, mention of seeing dead bodies

Word Count:

For Chapter: ~2800words                 

Questions/Comments/Concerns/Ideas welcome as always.

-Admin Red

Hi everyone! First, I’d like to half-apologize for my sudden disappearance from the weekly updates. I say half-apologize because I do feel bad about it, but the first week was supposed to be a break because I’ve had some physical issues come up and it really really hurts to type so I was trying to take a week away from overly stressing my fingers and putting them through more than necessary pain. So like, it was going to be fully justified even though I did feel bad. 

But, after that first weekend without an update I got 7 anon and 2 not-anon asks and 2 direct messages all from individuals basically being hate messages. Regarding how I must be lazy for not keeping my posting up after only two weeks, regarding how the story is crap and they were happy I wasn’t flooding the tags with the b*s anymore. And for how few positive responses I have received regarding the story as a whole after 2 months of posting each week to receive so much after only 1.5 weeks...it was pretty much a punch to the gut.

I realize I am not a top writing for the HQ fandom, I realize that only like...maybe...10 people actually read this story each week, and I am truly grateful to everyone who does. But like that fact that I got so many rude messages as opposed to nice ones really tore me up, especially since in the absence (until yesterday) I hadn’t received any word that anyone was still enjoying the work.

This is why I would like to once again thank the anon who messaged me yesterday. As I said, the kindness you wrote to me made me cry because I’d been so down about this piece. And, I am really glad this work brought you any joy that it did, I hope it continues to do so.

Finally, I have a doctors appointment to get my hands checked out. After basically a month of being in pain with them hopefully something will come of it and I can get back to writing for this work. For now though, here is chapter 9. I hope those following for this piece enjoy it, and honestly if you only wish to send hate please keep it to yourself. Constructive criticism is fine, welcome even (as proven by the fact that I owned up to being wrong about certain characters being third years), but hate messages...those are just pointless.

I hope you like this next installment. Enjoy!

–Admin Red

Chapter 9: Morning of the Tournament

It had been a long few days as the castle staff, knights, and royals of Camelot prepared for the tournament they’d decided to hold. But everyone was in high spirits at breakfast that morning, even Suga and you who’d had a few close calls with your new hall-mate liking to barge in without so much as knocking to indicate his approach.

After the third scare of him walking in while you were eating, you’d started to use your magic to lock the door whenever your helmet was off.

“I still can’t believe how quickly he accepted that you just had (h/l), (h/c) hair when he saw the back of your head,” Suga commented biting into his eggs from his breakfast plate.

You laughed a bit before responding, finishing off your own mouthful of food. “Yea, he is very friendly though. I appreciate how true his comment was. Saying this was the most private hall of the castle? We only come across him regularly, it is pretty nice to be afforded the level of privacy I wanted. Even if there were a few mistakes at the beginning.” You smiled as you went in for more food.

Suga had finished clearing his plate before mouthing to you that he agreed with your assessment.

*knock knock*

When you heard the knocking from your door, rather than the whines of a knight who felt excluded from the so-called party, you knew it was someone other than the King’s right-hand man at your door. Quickly you put your helmet on, still hiding your true identity and removed your magic hold on the door so Suga could open it.

“Excuse me,” Futakuchi called upon entering your chambers. “Ah so you are both here, great! Makes this less work for me then.”

Suga laughed on both of your behalves at the attendant’s joke, having grown accustomed to his sense of humor as it was similar to your own.

“The King has asked me to tell you the order of today’s fights.” He said, pulling a piece of parchment from behind his back with a wide grin.

Suga’s eyes lit up as Futakuchi spoke, and you knew your friend was looking forward to this show of strength as much as any of the men of Camelot, and you smiled proudly behind your face-wear.

When a full minute passed without a word from the magician, Suga threw his hands out in exasperation, “Well then, what is it?”

“Oh, right!” The brunet fumbled the paper before moving to place it on your dining table to review with your pair. “So the first battle will be the most entertaining as the side by side matches should be--!”

His explanation was cut off by the ringing of bells from the courtyard.

“Another attack?” Suga questioned, not knowing the differences in Camelot’s alarm system since you’d heard it less than a handful of times.

Futakuchi shook his head, “No, it means a visitor. But I have no clue who could be approaching today of all days. Come, you should see who it is with me.”

Your group made it down to the front square of the Castle, only to watch as all of the knight’s you’d slowly begun to know over the course of the week run up to a pair of men riding in on horseback!

“You’ve made it!”

“What took you two so long?”

“Where have you been, idiots? The guests of honor arrived a week before you!”

“With Asahi and Ushijima here we are in for a real tournament!”

“Grand welcome for two of Camelot’s strongest! Welcome back to the castle latecomers.”

Watching the group, you realized the men were as close to one another as Suga and you were with your own band of Knights. You were grateful for the reminder of home, even if it made you miss your friends a bit more.

“Ah, so they really did show up today.” You heard from beside you and turned to face the speaker, “Pardon their inept ability to make proper introductions, Red Knight. The two newcomers are the pair I told you about before. Since they have arrived, I may make them participate in the tournament as punishment for being so late.”

You nodded to the King, indicating you’d heard him before stepping back to let him address his men from a better position atop the stairs.

“Thank you,” He smiled fondly before taking your prior position and screaming out to the men below him, “Ushijima! Asahi! Men!” The knights filed up at the base of the staircase, with the two new arrivals front and center. “Why are you so late?”

“Late?” Asahi asked, “You know, you all keep saying we are late, but we just got these summons a few days ago.”

Ushijima just shrugged and looked bored, “If we are supposedly late, we can just go back to where we were.”

The men around the pair started shouting obscenities at their friends’ casualness. You noted the joking manner between the group of twelve and realized that this kingdom truly did feel like they were in a time of peacefulness after the decades of darkness that befell them.

Looking to Suga, you noticed his eyes trained on the men below, joking and horseplaying as he had with his own companions, and you made a note to show how grateful you were to him once more. He’d left his home and friends to stay beside you, the least you could do is remind him how appreciative you were.

“--wever, the matter at fact is that our guests arrived a week before you. To top that, they fought on our side when the castle was attacked without all her guards in place. So I’ve decided you will join our tournament today, and I will not accept any excuses of being tired from your journey.” The King smiled down to his men. The pair grumbled about how unfair a punishment was being forced on them, the other men just showed excitement at the prospect of their friends joining.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to fight Ushi!”

“Hells ya! Make them fight for their dinner while we’re at it!”

“I wouldn’t mind kicking some sense into the glass hearted giant myself!”

“Woaho! Fight time, let’s go!!”

Even the few not shouting out in pure joy had grins on their faces as they looked to and nodded at one another, all of them ready for what they now perceived to be a perfect tournament.

Waving your hand, you caught Suga’s attention, and holding your fingers up to make a triangle, you told him to ask about the tournament set up.

“Excuse us, King Kuroo.” He approached the royal, “This will probably change your line-up for the tournament?”

“You’re right! Futakuchi!” He yelled, to get the attendant’s attention away from joking around with the men below. “Come, we have to rearrange some things.” After his announcement, the King reentered the castle.

As he passed Futakuchi slowed to ask Suga a question, “How against are you showcasing your magic?”

Suga looked to you for your decision. Since showing magic would be the first test against the King’s ability to truly reconnect with the Order you decided it would be a fine move. 

You shrugged your shoulders to indicate you didn’t care either way, leaving it to Suga’s discretion since he too knew of the testing methods.

“If I fight another magician, I don’t mind.” He answered positively.

Futakuchi’s grin overtook his features as he bobbed his head before following after his king.

“You sure like them, don’t you?” You whisper asked your friend.

“Like you don’t?” He laughed back. “If it goes well, perhaps we really can trust this new King and then you can focus on your other mission.”

Behind your shielded mask, you rolled your eyes and stuck out your tongue before answering, “Perhaps you can shut up because no one asked you about that.”

He laughed at your ire, but brought it down to nothing more than a smile seeing the knights climbing the stairs.

“Oh let me introduce you!” Bokuto yelled excitedly seeing your pair atop the staircase. “Ushijima, Asahi, these are the Red Knight representatives. This is Sugawara, the Knight’s squire, and that...well, we just call him the Red Knight, I’ve seemed to have forgotten his name.” The Knight ended up drawing out his introduction as he racked his brain trying to recall it.

“Oh the Red Knight doesn’t mind, we’ve been doing it all week.” Terushima countered, defending his friend’s forgetfulness, and you stifled a laugh as you imagined it was because he too forgot the name you’d chosen to use.

“Wait, you’re Sugawara? From the Order?” A longer haired male asked, stepping from behind the other men to look at your friend closely. After what you guessed was further inspection he grabbed your companion in a tight embrace, “It’s been years! How are you old friend?!” The male shouted in his ears.

You’d moved to unsheath your sword, only to pause at Suga raising his hand towards you.

“It’s okay Yomimasu, I actually think I remember this man.” He finally said once released from the embrace. The taller male backed up and sheepishly scratched at the stubble of hair growing against his jawline. Suga did his own visual study before grinning from ear to ear and giving the man his own version of a soul crushing bear-hug. “Azumane, goor sir. It’s been a long while. Glad to see you’re still alive!”

Hearing the name Suga called, memories flooded your mind of Suga’s friend from the summer years back. A traveling group stayed in a town near your own and the pair met in the forest when Suga was searching for you. After enticing the over-grown child’s help, Suga made fast friends with the boy. Sneaking off himself to go teach him some sword fighting skills and some of the things you’d taught him as well.

“Wait!” Semi interrupted your thoughts and the pair’s reunion. “You two know each other?”

Suga nodded, and Asahi moved to explain, “I stayed a summer nearby to where Suga lived when I was a child. He was the one who taught me to use swords, and his cousin taught us both how to write. Thought I’d never see them again, honestly. What are you doing in Camelot?”

Being questioned, Suga fell back into his more reserved mannerisms, “Of course, I am here as escort to the Red Knight as the Order has sent us to determine if Camelot is worthy of being considered an ally once more.”

The official reason for your visit.

It still angered you that it was your only excuse, that you weren’t meant to share your other reasons. But things were the way they were, and thus you stayed silent, watching the encounter from the sidelines.

“What are you doing as a knight of Camelot? I thought only those in some roundabout way related to the King’s lineage were accepted as knights?” Suga questioned.

“Oh, Kuroo did away with that rule long before he even became King. Quoting about how men should be fighter’s by their merit not their bloodlines.” Yamagata informed your pair.

Aone got a disgusted look on his face that made you want to laugh out, but you swallowed the feeling, he asked, “Did you think we were all somehow related?”

Suga glanced at you, and you did nothing to indicate your own thoughts of the matter, he sighed in defeat and answered, “Well not recently, but yes I felt your family trees must have connected somewhere down the line to the King’s.”

The group of men before him burst into fits of laughter as they regarded the idea and its apparent absurdity. 

“What of your cousin? How does the Princess fair?” Asahi questioned, changing topics to try and save his friend some embarrassment.

“Cousin?” Daichi guffawed.

“Princess?” Atsumu and Osamu blurted out simultaneously.

Your body went stiff at Asahi’s question and you had to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and tell your mind that they weren’t actually calling to you.

Suga grinned as if he didn’t have a care in the world as he answered his old friend’s question, “She’s happier than she’s ever been, last time I saw her.”

He turned to reenter the castle, probably to return to your room, but you weren’t sure. You were going to follow him  but stopped dead in your tracks as Bokuto, Satori, Terushima and Atsumu all followed after him, asking so many questions over one another even you couldn’t make any of them out.

“So who are you?” A tall man, with short dark hair turned to you. He felt like he’d probably be more intimidating than Aone, but as you were currently sporting a full suit of armor, and held a secret that none in Camelot, save your own friend, knew, you didn’t actually feel frightened.

Daichi and Iwaizumi both stepped between your figure and the large knight, hands up defensively.

“Actually, Ushijima, while in uniform the Knight cannot speak. It’s a little challenging, but we’ve managed pretty well this past week. It’s easier to ask simple questions.” Daichi informed, and you appreciated the complete switch in the knight’s attitudes since you’d first arrived.

Iwaizumi nodded, “The letter you received should have detailed the purpose of their visit, Futa did a great job explaining everything in ours at least. We did a shite job of first impressions the night they arrived and yet he still helped us defend Camlot’s castle. The Red Knight is good people, trust us on that in the very least.” 

It amazed you how much the male reminded you of your old childhood acquaintance. You wished you’d know the boy better to tell if he was the same man for sure, but alas, only Oikawa would have known...And, it’d been years since you’d seen him either. You felt the tear roll down your cheek before realizing you’d started to cry at the recollection. Closing your eyes you let your mind settle on nothingness to rid it of the negative memories regarding your ex-friend.

“Then perhaps you can answer simple yes or no questions?” The giant, presumably Ushijima questioned you. Upon seeing you nod, he hummed before continuing, “Are you really only here to see if Camelot can reconnect with your Order?”

While you knew how Suga would want you to respond, you also knew it wouldn’t be truthful. It’d been a long week developing trust with the members of Camelot’s court, and you the only way to keep that streak would be to stay honest. You shook your head in the negative.

Ignoring the shocked exclamations of the men around him, your interrogator continued. “Do you wish to bring Camelot or Kuroo harm?”

You stood at attention and shook your head once more, expressing clear displeasure at the mere idea.

The male hummed before bowing out of his inquisition, “I see. I look forward to getting to know you then.”

Watching him move inside the castle, you stayed where you were in anticipation of the other’s questions to follow your first answer.

“Aye, you weren’t being serious in having another motive, were you?” Osamu questioned, looking at you with disbelief dancing in his eyes.

You just bowed your head in apology.

“Does Sugawara know of your other mission?” Daichi questioned further.

You thought for a moment before rocking your hand side-to-side in front of you, telling the knights he kind of knew a bit about it, but entirely.

Semi shook his head and stepped forward, a frown clear on his face as he tried to find your eyes hidden in the shadows of your helmet, “Have you deceived us?”

His voice sounded so angry, almost threateningly so, but you knew you couldn’t answer that question without Suga by your side to explain. Thankfully you didn’t have to.

“Oi!” King Kuroo yelled from one of the windows overlooking the front gate. “Get to the main hall for review of the schedule!”

“In a minute!” Semi yelled back, still looking you up and down distrustingly.

Kuroo didn’t like this attitude in his knight’s defiance and yelled back, “Now!” Then laughed as he added, “Or no supper for any of the knights, Semi!”

The silver haired male tsk’d in annoyance before rushing inside.

“We trust you,” A voice called your attention from watching the others follow after him. “Not sure why it’s such a strong trust, but we do.” Aone looked at you directly, unbeknownst to him catching your eyes’ gaze with ease. “Don’t betray us.”

What could you do but bow in a show of understanding and acceptance. You really didn’t wish to betray them, and should they discover your secret in a manner not befitting your true identity, then the power will lie with them to do with you as they please.

   _______________________________________________

Table of contents:

Chapter 8                                                     Chapter 10

[i-am-out-of-my-vulcan-mind]

Broken Dreams

Hi guys. 

This oneshot is slightly different from the fics I usually write. It is very close to my heart and has been rather therapeutic for me. 

I’m not sure how well received this will be throughout the fandom though...

Massive trigger warning in regards to infertility. Also TW for clinical terms and vomiting. 

This is for my @badthingshappenbingo​ Square “phantom pain”. @lurkingwhump​, thank you for your help and your friendship. I glove you. 

Also special thanks to @unorthodox-oblivion​ for allowing me to ramble about this project. You’re a gem. 

“Are you alright?” Kurt asked Jane as he joined her in the kitchen. She was leaning against the counter, nursing a cup of ginger tea, her eyes closed, her face drawn. She met his gaze, shrugging at his question. “You only drink that stuff when you don’t feel good.” he continued in her silence. “Are you sick?”

Jane shook her head. “No exactly.” she breathed. Kurt frowned, moving closer and rubbing her shoulder. 

“Is everything ok?” he asked, worried now. 

“Well… I’m late.” she confessed, giving him a pointed look.  

His eyebrows shot up. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “Have you taken a test?” 

Jane shook her head and sighed. 

“Not long after I took the last test… we found out I was dying… I’m just a little scared I guess.” she divulged. She looked up at him with big worried eyes. He could see every emotion swimming in the depths of her green irises. Fear, uncertainty - hope. 

They hadn’t really spoken about children again since Madeline’s take down, but he knew it was something that still held her attention often. Especially now that Tasha was due to have her baby, he would often see Jane buying various items for the baby and staring at her bump longingly. 

“Why don’t you make a doctor's appointment,” he suggested. “That takes away the fear of taking the test at home.”  

Jane bit her cheek and nodded. “Ok…” she said softly. “But will you come with me?” Kurt’s heart contracted at the vulnerability he saw on his wife’s face. He reached out and rubbed his thumb over her jawline. 

“Of course I will.” he replied softly, kissing her on the forehead. “Make an appointment in the morning, I’ll notify the NYO and tell them we are taking the morning off.” 

Jane smiled gratefully at her husband. She was so lucky she had him. She knew she could always count on him. 

She groaned softly as her stomach rebelled some more, closing her eyes and breathing through her nose. 

“Drink the tea.” Kurt said softly, noticing her distress. 

Jane nodded, bringing her mug up to her mouth and taking a few sips. The ginger soothed her belly quickly and she sighed in relief. 

“How about we go to bed.” he said softly, taking the empty mug from his wife and putting it in the sink. Jane nodded in agreement, completely spent. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

They managed to get an early morning appointment at their doctor’s office. They sat in the waiting room, Jane picking at the skin on her fingers. Her anxiety was palpable and Kurt's heart ached for her. 

Kurt reached out and took her hand, running his fingers over her now red fingertips. 

“It’s going to be ok, Jane.” he told her gently. “No matter the result.” 

“I know…” Jane mumbled. “It’s just… I never knew how much I wanted this… until the thought of it not being positive…”

Kurt raised her hand to his mouth, kissing her fingers softly. 

“So if you’re not… then we will start actively trying.” 

Jane exhaled sharply, but then forced her face to relax. 

“Ok.” she whispered quietly. 

“Ok.” Kurt repeated. 

It was another ten minutes before her name was called. 

They sat down with their family doctor, Jane feeling like she was about to explode in anticipation. 

“Now… what can I do for you today?” Doctor John asked kindly. 

Jane looked up at the doctor, suddenly unable to form words. Kurt squeezed her hand in a silent ‘it’s ok… I’ve got this.’

“We want you to do a pregnancy test.” he replied calmly. 

Doctor John nodded. “Of course. Have you taken a home test already?” he asked, grabbing a specimen jar and handing it to Jane. 

Jane shook her head. 

“No.” she croaked, finding her voice. “I wanted to do it here.”

Doctor John nodded in understanding. This wasn’t his first nervous couple who were trying to conceive. 

“The bathroom is down the hall.” he said, gesturing for her to leave the room. 

Kurt watched his wife leave, trying his best to keep his composure. 

“She’s really nervous.” Kurt admitted. 

The doctor smiled warmly. 

“I can understand that. It’s been a rough year for the both of you.”

Kurt chuckled dryly. 

“That’s certainly one way of putting it.” he replied carefully. 

Jane returned a short time later with the specimen jar. She handed it to the doctor who then unwrapped one of the pregnancy tests. Using a dropper, he put a few drops of her urine onto the test strip. 

“That will just take a few minutes.” Doctor John said, sanitising his hands. 

Jane sat back in the chair, willing herself to breathe. 

“How has your health been?” the doctor asked. “I’m assuming you’ve had some symptoms?”

Jane nodded. 

“Well my period is late…. I… ah… I’ve been having stomach cramps and nausea…. fatigue.” she listed. 

The doctor nodded. They were all definitely signs of early pregnancy. “And how late is your period?” he asked, typing on his computer. 

“Five days.” Jane replied, instantly. She had noticed her period had been late straight away - she had always been regular to the day. 

The doctor noted that down. “Ok while we wait, we may as well take a few obs.” 

Jane nodded, rolling up her sleeve so the doctor could take her blood pressure. 

He peeled back the cuff, typing in the result. 

“Blood pressure is good… heart rate is a little fast, but I would expect that if you’re feeling a little anxious.”  

Jane bit her lip. She hated feeling this way. 

Doctor John stood up, looking at the pregnancy test. 

He frowned. 

“Unfortunately this is negative.” he said, looking at Jane with genuinely sad eyes. 

Jane’s heart plummeted. She looked at the floor, trying with all her might not to cry. Kurt reached out and took her trembling hand and she used his touch to ground herself. 

“I’m sorry.” Doctor John said. He sat back down so he was eye level with Jane. “I would like to send you for some bloods, just to check a few things.”

At Jane and Kurt’s questioning stare, he continued. “You’re still having some untoward symptoms, and the fact that your period is late, I just want to check that your hormone levels are where they should be.”

Jane nodded. 

“Ok.” she whispered in a small voice. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

Jane had just finished getting her blood drawn, when her phone rang. 

“Hey Tasha.” she replied, meeting Kurt back in the waiting room. “How are you feeling?”

“Huge… bored.” Tasha replied.  “Hey are you still coming over on Saturday?”she asked, getting straight to the point. 

“Of course.” Jane replied instantly. “I miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” Tasha replied. “Hey do you think you could bring those bagels from the bodega down your street?”

“Of course.” Jane chuckled. She opened the door, walking out onto the footpath. “Hey I gotta run, but I’ll see you in a few days.” 

“Ok!” Tasha replied. “Don’t forget the bagels.” she added for measure. 

“I won’t. Bye Tasha.”

“Bye Jane.” 

Jane hung up the phone, taking Kurt's hand. 

“That was Tasha.” she told him. “She wanted to know if we were still coming on Saturday, and she wants us to bring bagels.”

Kurt grinned. 

“If that woman eats any more bagels, she is going to turn into one.”

Jane smiled softly up at her husband, before sighing, her eyes falling close. 

“Hey.” Kurt said gently, stopping on the street in front of her. He placed both of his hands on her shoulders, bending down so his face was adjacent to hers. She opened her eyes and looked at him sadly. 

“I’m sorry… I guess I’m just a little disappointed.”

Kurt kissed her on the forehead. “Me too.” he murmured. “But as I said… I guess we just start actively trying now.” he winked, earning himself a soft punch to the shoulder. 

She reached up and kissed him tenderly, forever grateful that he was by her side. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

Jane woke up the next morning to a feeling of urgency. Her stomach lurched, sending her hurtling towards the bathroom. She quickly lost the contents of her stomach, her eyes streaming from the intensity of the sudden attack. 

She felt Kurt holding her hair back with one hand and start rubbing her back with the other. She whimpered uncharacteristically as her stomach cramped forcefully, gagging into the toilet bowl. 

Very slowly her stomach started to settle back down, the nausea abating to a manageable queasiness. 

She accepted the toilet paper Kurt was handing her, wiping her face and blowing her nose. She sat back on the tiles feeling wretched. 

“I don’t understand.” she whispered when she could finally use her voice. “If I’m not pregnant… then why am I vomiting?”

She looked up at Kurt, her eyes wide and unblinking. 

Kurt shrugged, kneeling down in front of her. “Maybe you have some kind of bug?” he suggested, holding the back of his hand on her forehead. “You don’t feel warm though.” he frowned. 

Jane groaned miserably, leaning her head against the vanity, closing her eyes. 

“Whatever is wrong, I think you’ll feel better in bed.” Kurt said softly. “Do you want me to call you in sick?”

Jane paused for a second. It wasn’t like her to take time off work, but the last few days had been an emotional roller coaster and her insides were still churning. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to keep her own body under control. The thought of vomiting at the NYO was mortifying. 

Making a decision, she nodded softly. “Please.” she croaked out, rubbing her stomach uncomfortably. 

He smiled, kissing her forehead. 

“Ok. I’ll call and then I’ll help you back to bed.” He left the room and Jane could hear him talking in the other room. 

Jane frowned as her stomach cramped again, swallowing convulsively against the building nausea. Kurt reentered the bathroom, just as she had dragged herself back to the toilet, groaning into the bowl. 

“Jane!” he exclaimed, rushing to her side. He knelt behind her, pulling her hair back off her face again. “Hmm maybe you do have a bug.” he murmured as she gagged, throwing up what little was left in her stomach. He winced in sympathy when she was down to dry heaves, rubbing her back in the only comfort he could offer. 

She retched again, before spitting into the toilet, taking deep breaths through her nose to try and calm her upset belly. 

“I’m gonna get you some water.” Kurt said softly, moving out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. He filled a glass, his concern for his wife growing. She was already struggling emotionally, and it hurt him to see her struggling physically as well. He returned to the bathroom to find her leaning against the vanity again, her hand resting on her upset stomach. 

He knelt down, handing her the glass of water. She sipped at it slowly, a look of relief crossing her face when it seemed like it wasn’t going to make a reappearance. 

“Let’s get you back to bed.” Kurt said kindly, offering his hand and helping her to her feet. He guided her back to their bedroom, tucking her under the covers. He left to get her a bucket from the cleaning cupboard and set it beside the bed. “Arla has said to take the weekend off.” he said now that he had her settled.”

“Really? It’s only Thursday?”

Kurt nodded. “She said that if you were that sick, that you should stay away from the NYO until you were feeling better.”

“Oh good.” Jane said relieved. She would be lying if she had said she didn’t want some time off to recuperate after the last few days. Her stomach chose that moment to cramp again. She frowned, curling into the fetal position. 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” he asked, worried at how pale she was. 

Jane shook her head. “No… we can’t both take the day off.” she said from under the covers. “I’ll be ok.” 

Kurt bent over, kissing her softly on the temple. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Go. Or you’ll be late.” 

“Call me if you need me.” Kurt said before walking out of the room. 

Jane snuggled back under the covers, willing her stomach to stop turning. It wasn’t long before she fell back into a fitful sleep. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

Jane was woken by the shrill ringing of her phone. Checking the time she noted she had already been asleep for half the day. 

“Jane speaking.” she answered, rubbing her hand over her face. 

“Jane, this is Doctor John. How are you doing today?”

Jane sat up in bed, suddenly more alert at hearing the doctor’s voice. 

“I’m ok.” she replied. 

“I’ve gotten your blood results back.” the doctor said, getting straight to business. “Jane, your hormone levels indicate something called pseudocyesis, or more commonly known as a phantom pregnancy.”

Jane frowned, at a loss for words. 

“What does that mean?” she asked quietly, not sure if she actually wanted to know. 

“Basically it means your body thinks that it is pregnant, but there isn’t actually a fetus.” Doctor John explained. 

“So that’s why I’ve been vomiting today?” she queried incredulously. “I’ve been having morning sickness?”

“To a degree, yes.” 

Jane sighed. This was not what she wanted to hear. 

“So what now?” 

“I’ve booked you in for an ultrasound for this afternoon. I just want to make sure there is nothing more sinister going on.” At Jane’s silence he continued. “I’ll send a text with the information.”

“Thank you.” she breathed, unable to talk anymore. 

“Let’s make another appointment for you to come and see me tomorrow to discuss what happens next. What time would suit?”

“Any time.” she said, remembering she had the next three days off. 

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow at four. That will give time for the results to come through to me.”

“See you then.” she rasped before hanging up the phone.

A phantom pregnancy. How could life be so cruel? To have the thing she wanted most in this world dangled in front of her face like that… it was like fate was playing a sick joke on her. 

She sat on the bed, feeling miserable, until she realised she needed to tell Kurt what was happening. 

Taking a calming breath, she called him, waiting nervously as the phone rang. He picked up on the third ring. 

“Jane? How are you feeling?” he answered, concern laced through his voice. 

“The doctor called.” Jane replied, cutting straight to the point. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit nervous at how Weller would take the news. She knew he wanted this as much as she did. 

“What did he say?”

“I’m… I’m having a phantom pregnancy.” Jane mumbled. “Basically my body thinks that I’m pregnant… but there’s no baby.”

“Oh Jane…” Kurt whispered gently. “So that’s why you’ve been so sick?”

“Yeah.” Jane breathed. She lay back on the pillows, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. 

“Are you ok?” Kurt asked. “If you need me to come home then I will.”

“No… no I’m ok.” she replied in a small voice. “I have to have an ultrasound this afternoon… the doctor just wants to check a few things.”

“I can meet you there?” Kurt said, trying his best to support her through this. 

“I have a follow up appointment with the doctor tomorrow… I would rather you be there for that… I’m not sure how well Arla would react if you kept ducking in and out like that.”

After a brief moment of silence, weighing up his options Kurt replied. “You’re right. They probably won’t tell you much today anyway.” 

“Yeah I doubt it. I’m still waiting for the doctor to text with the information. I’ll let you know when I do.”

“Ok Jane.” he said softly. “I love you.”

She sighed. 

“I love you too. I’ll see you later.”

They ended the call and Jane brought her hand up to her face, trying to keep her composure. 

Her phone beeped, stating that her ultrasound would be in a couple of hours at a clinic not far from her apartment. The instructions said to show up with a full bladder.

Jane sighed, realising she hadn’t had anything to eat and only very little to drink since waking up the first time. She forced her aching body to get out of bed and made her way to the kitchen.  She fixed herself some dry toast and ginger tea, not wanting to aggravate her already delicate stomach. 

The next couple of hours went by quickly, and before she knew it, she was in the waiting room.  

“Jane Doe?” the ultrasound technician asked. 

Jane stood up, following the tech down the hallway to a small, dark room. The tech asked her to lay flat on the bed. Jane did as asked, the tissue paper rustling under her body. 

“Your bladder is full?” the tech - Julie, Jane read on her name badge - asked as she set up her equipment. 

Jane nodded, feeling quite vulnerable. She wished she had let Kurt come. She knew Arla would have gotten over it. Full of regret, she took a breath, before Julie lifted her shirt, squeezing the gel onto her skin. 

Jane watched, her heart sinking when she saw the image of what she assumed was her uterus appearing on the screen. The fact that it was empty had her willing herself not to cry. She lay there silently, letting tech run the wand over her belly. 

“Ok, I think I need to do an internal, if that’s ok with you?” Julie said, as she cleaned the gel off of Jane’s skin. 

“Ah… yeah? Is everything ok?” she asked worriedly. 

“I’d just like to get some clearer images on a few things.” Julie replied. “There’s a bathroom through there,” she pointed. “Empty your bladder while I get things set up.”

Jane complied, shuffling off of the bed and moving towards the bathroom to relieve herself. When she returned, the tech pulled the curtain, asking her to remove her pants and underwear and cover herself with the sheet provided. 

Jane winced slightly as the wand was inserted, her pelvic area feeling incredibly tender. 

She looked up at the technician, noticing the frown plastered to her face. 

“Is everything ok?” Jane asked again. Julie looked down at her with sympathy.

“You have a lot of inflammation in your fallopian tubes… this could be caused by the pseudocyesis, but I want to get some clearer images to be sure.”

Jane swallowed thickly - that would explain the stomach pains and tenderness. She lay there silently for another fifteen minutes, before Julie removed the wand, lifting the sheet back down to cover her. 

“I think we are done here. I’m going to get one of my seniors to look at these before we send the results back to your doctor.”

Jane bit her lip. She could tell there was something Julie wasn’t telling her. She wouldn’t meet her eye. 

“Ok.” she said in a small voice. She didn’t want to put the tech in an awkward position. Clearly it wasn’t her place to tell her what was going on. Jane would just have to wait until her appointment the following day. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

Jane returned home feeling shaken and dazed. Kurt wasn’t due home for another hour so she busied herself cleaning the apartment and fixing him some dinner. It was the least she could do after he had literally held her hair back for her that morning. 

He arrived home right on schedule, mildly - yet pleasantly surprised at the meal that was put in front of him the moment he sat down. 

“You not eating?” he asked, his concern palpable. 

Jane shook her head. 

“Still feeling sick?”

She sighed. 

“I don’t think the ultrasound went well.” she confessed nervously. 

Kurt put down his knife and fork, giving her a pointed look. “What makes you say that?”

Jane bit her lip, staring down at the floor. 

“Just the way the tech acted. She got me to do an internal ultrasound and then was avoiding my questions… said there was inflammation in my fallopian tubes.” 

Kurt put his plate on the kitchen bench, his meal momentarily forgotten. He walked around the breakfast bar, pulling his wife into his arms. 

“Everything is going to be ok.” he promised, murmuring into her hair. He felt her start to tremble. “Shhh it’s ok… I’ve got you.”

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

Jane barely slept that night, and was woken by another onslaught of nausea. Kurt brought her a cup of ginger tea into the bathroom, knowing it was the only thing that seemed to stem the vomiting. 

“Arla has okayed me taking the day off with you.” Kurt said, sitting on the bathroom floor beside his ailing wife. He knew that right now she needed him there with her. She was going to be an anxiety riddled mess until her appointment with the doctor that afternoon and he needed to be there to support her. 

He felt some of the tension leave her body at that knowledge. 

“I was thinking maybe we could watch a couple of movies to fill in the day?”

Jane nodded, still not quite recovered from her “morning sickness” attack to speak yet. She took a couple more sips of the tea, before Kurt helped her to her feet and led her out to the living room. He got her situated on the couch, bringing out the bucket from the bedroom from the day before. 

“Just in case.” he said softly. 

Jane managed to smile at him. There was no way she would have been able to get through the last forty eight hours without him. She would be forever grateful that he was there to help her through yet another traumatic ordeal. 

The day passed quickly and before she knew it, she was sitting in yet another waiting room, anxious out of her mind. She knew in her heart that the results she was about to get would change her life forever. 

She saw Doctor John appear in the waiting room and make eye contact with her. “Jane.” he said, indicating she should follow him. She could tell him his whole demeanour that he wasn’t looking forward to this appointment. 

They sat down in his office, Jane looking at him expectantly. 

“How are you feeling?” Doctor John asked, noting how pale she looked.  

“Not great.” Jane admitted. “The stomach symptoms are causing me some grief.” 

The doctor nodded at that. 

“I will prescribe you some hormone supplements to help with that.” he said softly. 

“What did the ultrasound say?” Kurt asked, addressing the elephant in the room. 

Doctor John sighed. 

“I’ve been doing a bit of research in regards to your ZIP poisoning last year.” he started. 

Jane looked at him with a confused expression. 

“What does my ultrasound have to do with my ZIP poisoning?” she asked, frightened of what the answer would be.

“Jane… the ultrasound showed that your fallopian tubes are incredibly inflamed… this inflammation has caused irreversible scarring… I’m so sorry.”

Jane’s chin wobbled. 

“W-what are you saying?” she stuttered.  

“From the research I’ve done in conjunction with your ultrasound results… it looks like when you were sick last year, the poisoning caused your fallopian tubes to swell…” he paused, looking sympathetically into Jane’s eyes. “You will never conceive children naturally.” 

Jane’s eyes widened and then she just went numb. The doctor’s voice faded into the background, and if it wasn’t for Kurt’s hand on her knee, she would have forgotten to breathe. 

She didn’t hear much of the rest of the appointment so she was glad that Kurt was there to retain the rest of the information. 

She remained silent the whole way back to the apartment, Kurt watching her out of the corner of his eyes. He could see her struggling - hell he was, but he knew he needed to give her a moment. 

It wasn’t until they got back into their apartment that he stopped her. 

He stepped in front of her, taking one of her hands softly. “Jane.” he whispered. When she wouldn’t even meet his eye, he cupped her chin, tilting her face up so she was forced to look at him. “Talk to me… please.”

Her eyes darted back and forth, her entire body trembling. “I…” she started, before her lip trembled and her face contorted in grief. She let out a wail before dissolving into a fit of tears. 

“Oh Jane.” Kurt murmured, pulling her into his chest. Jane sobbed into his shirt, her tears falling uncontrollably. “It’s ok baby… I’ve got you.” He felt her tremble, before her knees gave out in her grief. Kurt caught her, lifting her into his arms as she cried. Making a quick decision, he carried her to their bedroom, laying her gently on the bed, before joining her, cradling her to his chest. 

“Ssshhh.” he whispered, as he stroked her hair. “I’ve got you… everything is going to be ok…” His heart shattered for his poor wife, and the knowledge that they would more than likely never have children together. The doctor had mentioned referring them to a fertility specialist to see if they would be viable for IVF. So there was still a glimmer of hope, but Kurt knew in his heart that Jane would never go for it. He knew she wouldn’t be able to put herself through the hormonal abuse, for it potentially not to work. Her broken heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

He held her tighter, holding her hand to his heart in an attempt to try and help her calm down. There was nothing he could say or do to fix this, so he just opted to hold her, to let their shattered dreams die together as the both cried. 

It was sometime later before Jane started to calm down, her sobs turning into little hiccups. Kurt continued to hold her tight, swapping between rubbing her back and stroking her head. He felt her relax, her breathing evening out. He peeked down at her to find she had fallen into an exhausted sleep. 

He sighed. She was going to take this hard. Not only had they found out it was very unlikely she would be able to get pregnant - that alone was devastating - but he also knew she would be plagued with guilt. He knew she would be stewing over the fact that she had agreed to taking the ZIP… that it was just another thing that her previous life had ruined for them. He knew he was going to have a hard time convincing her that it wasn’t her fault - that she didn’t know what would happen. 

He settled against the mattress, nuzzling into her hair. All he could do was be there for her. To show her that no matter what, he wasn’t going anywhere. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

The next morning, Kurt woke to find his wife missing from their bed. Rolling out of bed, he checked the bathroom, wondering if she had gotten sick again and ended up there. Seeing that it was empty he wandered out into the kitchen. 

“Jane?” he called, when he still couldn’t find her. 

He saw a note on the counter and strode across the room to read it. 

“Gone to get bagels.” Was all it said. 

Kurt chewed on his lip. He had forgotten that they were going to visit Tasha today. He wondered how Jane would react to seeing her pregnant belly. He knew it was probably going to be hard on him, so he could only imagine what that would do to Jane. 

She entered the apartment a few minutes later, carrying a brown paper bag filled with bagels. 

“Hey.” he said softly. 

“Hey.” she replied, putting her keys in the bowl and placing the bag on the counter. 

“How are you doing?” he asked quietly, pulling her into a hug. 

“I’m ok... I guess.” she replied sadly. 

“We don’t have to go and see Tasha and the others today if you’re not up to it.” Kurt murmured against her hair. 

Jane shook her head. 

“No, I said we would be there… and I miss her.” She sighed, stepping out of his embrace. “It’s going to be hard… but I want to make the effort. I can’t hide in this apartment forever.”

Kurt cupped her cheek, bending down to kiss her softly. “You truly are remarkable.” he said sincerely, in complete awe of how brave his wife was. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

They arrived at Tasha’s mid afternoon, both of them excited to see their friend. She pulled each of them into a hug before snatching the bagels and disappearing into the kitchen. 

Jane could hear Patterson and Rich in the living room and made her way in to be with her friends. 

“Jane!” Patterson exclaimed. “How are you feeling? We’ve missed you at work.”

Jane took a seat, trying her best to school her features. 

“I’m ok.” she said in a measured voice. 

“You’ve been sick?” Tasha asked, reappearing with a plate full of bagels. 

“Not exactly…” Jane started, looking up at Tasha’s giant belly.  At the silence that followed, she looked around at her family, the expectant expressions on their faces. “I… I’ve…” she looked at Tasha’s bump again, her heart rate picking up. “I’m sorry…” she muttered, jumping to her feet. “I thought I could do this…” She raced past Kurt, slamming the door behind her. 

“What was all that about?” she heard Rich say as she ran down the street to a nearby alley. She leaned against the brick wall, trying to stop herself from hyperventilating. 

She closed her eyes, tears leaking out from behind her lashes. 

“Jane… hey.” 

And there it was… the voice that would get her through everything. 

She forced her eyes open, drinking in the sight of him greedily. 

“Hey…” she mumbled. “Sorry about that…”

Kurt took her in his arms. 

“Sshh it’s ok Jane. I get it… I really do. It was hard for me to be in there too.”

Jane looked up at him, guilt clouding her eyes. 

“I feel like I’ve let you down.” she whispered. 

“Hey… hey none of that.” Kurt murmured, staring deeply into her eyes. “None of this is your fault Jane.”

Jane sniffed, swallowing thickly. “If I hadn’t have…”

“Jane… stop. This isn’t your fault.” he exclaimed more forcefully. 

Jane sighed. “It’s just something we both wanted… as I said… I just feel like I’m letting you down.”

Kurt sighed. 

“Jane there are other ways to have children… we still have the option of going through the fertility specialist… if that’s what you want.”

Jane bit her lip. 

“I’m not sure what I want.” she confessed. “The thought of going through all of that… for it to fail…” 

“I know baby… I know.” Kurt said wrapping his arms around her. “We don’t have to decide anything right now.”

They stayed like that for a moment, before Jane pulled away. 

“We’re going to have to go back in there, aren’t we?” she asked, looking back in the direction of Tasha’s apartment. 

Kurt nodded. 

“I think we should tell them.” he said quietly. 

Jane nodded, but was stuck to the spot. 

“I don’t know if I can…” she whispered. 

“It’s ok…” he soothed. “Why don’t you go and wait in the car… I’ll go back in.”

Jane looked gratefully up at her husband. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Kurt made his way back up the street to his friend’s apartment. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t dreading telling the rest of the team what was going on… especially Tasha. She had enough going on with the impending arrival of her and Reade’s baby. He didn’t want to add the extra stress - but he also knew that they all deserved to know what was happening. 

He entered the apartment, Patterson jumping to her feet at his arrival. 

“Is Jane ok?” she asked with wide eyes. 

Kurt sighed. 

“No… but she will be.” With that he explained everything that had happened in the last few days. When he finished, he was enveloped in a very awkward hug, Tasha’s belly getting in the way. 

“Kurt… I’m so sorry.” she said softly. 

Patterson and Rich followed suit, hugging him in turn and offering their condolences.

“Anyway… I should get back to Jane… I just thought you guys deserved to know.”

“Please… tell us if you need anything.” Patterson urged, walking him to the door. 

“Thank you.” he replied softly. He looked up, catching Tasha’s eye. They nodded to each other in a silent understanding. 

Kurt found his wife waiting in the car, her head leaning back against the headrest in exhaustion. 

“Hey.” he said softly, getting into the driver's seat. 

“How did that go?” Jane asked, her eyes wide. 

Kurt just nodded in reply, sniffing. He swallowed before looking back at his wife. 

“Are you ok?” he asked again. 

Jane took a deep breath. 

“I will be.” she said softly. “As you said… we don’t have to make a decision right now… but when we do… whatever happens, happens.”

Kurt reached out and took her hand, bringing it up to her lips and kissing the back of it.  

“Agreed.”

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

One week later. 

Jane was busy cleaning the kitchen when her phone rang. Looking at the caller ID she answered straight away. 

“Rich?”

“It’s a boy!” he shouted in joy. Jane couldn’t help but smile. 

“Oh my god! How are they?” she exclaimed, motioning to her husband. ‘It’s a boy!’ she mouthed to him. Kurt’s face lit up. 

“They’re doing great!” Rich replied, and Jane grinned at the proud tone of his voice. “Tasha wants to see you… if you’re feeling up to it.”

“Of course!” she replied almost instantly. “We will be there soon.” She hung up the phone.

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” Kurt asked her carefully. 

“There is no way I’m missing this.” 

Kurt cupped her jaw, kissing her softly. “Let’s go meet our nephew.”

Jane nodded. “Our nephew.” she repeated. 

0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°0°

They crept into the hospital room quietly, Jane holding a bunch of flowers, while Kurt carried in a teddy and a blue balloon. 

Jane took one look at Tasha holding her baby and burst into tears. 

“Oh Tasha.” she wept. “He’s beautiful.” She placed the flowers on the table. 

Tasha started crying the moment she saw Jane crying and pulled her in for a hug. 

“What’s his name?” Jane asked, peeking at the baby. 

Tasha smiled softly with watery eyes. “Eddy… after his daddy.” 

Jane leant forward and kissed her friend on the forehead. “That’s perfect… he’s perfect.”

“Would you like to hold him?” Tasha asked softly. She didn’t want to set Jane off again, but she also wanted to give her the choice.

Jane nodded softly.

Tasha handed the baby over gently, Jane holding him close to her chest. 

“Hello beautiful boy.” she cooed. “I’m so glad to finally meet you.” she whispered, a tear escaping and rolling down her face. 

“Jane I wanted to ask if you and Kurt would be his godparents?” Tasha asked, looking and Jane and Kurt. 

Jane’s head shot up, meeting Tasha’s gaze. 

“Are you sure?” she squeaked. 

Tasha nodded. 

“It would be an honor.” Kurt answered. And it truly was. His best friend had died, and what better way to honor his memory, than to look after his family. 

Jane sat on one of the chairs. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the precious bundle in her arms. When the baby started to fuss, she started humming ‘hush little baby’ to him and he settled almost instantly. 

“That’s a good boy.” she murmured softly. “You are so loved. I’ll never let anything bad ever happen to you. I’ll always be there for you.”

Kurt watched his wife, pride filling his chest. They had some tough decisions to make in the near future, but until then, at least they had this little guy to fill their lives with joy. 

They would get through this, just as they got through everything else, as a family. 

[wickednerdery]

Title: The Guest Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: The Night Manager Pairing/character: Jonathan Pine/OC Rating: Teen Summary: “Damn son, you fine as Hell!” Notes: This is something that’s been bouncing in my brain for, like, almost a year (on-and-off)…still not sure I have more than snapshots, but it finally came out onto paper just now lol!

Previous Chapter

They return in the same silence they left, comfortably shared, then depart into their own worlds once more. Kay focuses on running her hotel, Pine on being its guest. They exchange looks on occasion, smiles when they both see Mrs Regan, but otherwise make no contact. The days drift on lazily, peacefully.

Jonathan makes his way out for lunch in the town square when he hears fast, sloppy, feet approaching. He turns to see a girl near the same age as Danny with a large, nervous, smile.

“Hi.”

“Hello.” He waits, seeing her sway in attempts to build up courage.

“I’m May.”

“I’m Jonathan.” Smile turns up corners of his lips. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, May.”

“You’re tall.”

He stifles his laugh so as to not embarrass her. “Thank you.” He continues to wait.

“Umm…can you, uh…help me get the beach ball?”

“The beach ball?”

“Yeah, I was, we were, kicking it outside and it, well, you know, got stuck.”

“Where?”

“On the grill-house, where they cook the pool food. I think it’s...” she shrugs. “I don’t know, caught on the gutter or something.”

“Ah, yes, well, I can certainly try.” Even he has to climb on a nearby barrel to get atop the shed that serves as grill-house, but he’s able to find the ball instantly. As he goes to collect it, pinned between gutter and smokestack, he sees a small sack tucked in the shadows.

“Did you find it?” May calls out when he goes silent too long.

“...Yeah...” He tosses the ball off the roof to her. “I’m just...thinking maybe I can fix what it got snagged on.”

“Is something broken? Should I tell my mom?”

“No, no.” God no! “Let me just...clean a bit of debris real quick. Then your mom won’t have to do it herself.”

“Okay.” May squeezes ball, testing its inflation level. “Weird...”

Pine crouches, taking sack and opening it. “What’s weird?”

“Mom just cleaned the gutters yesterday.”

“Mmm...” Jonathan pulls out two passports. One real is real, the other a passable, though not great, fake. He reads the original: Ricardo Jiménez. Then the fake: Ricardo Hernandez. It’s not a stretch to consider this who the men were looking for.

“Mr Jonathan, are you okay? Are you stuck too?”

He shoves the passports back into the sack, returns sack to its hiding spot, with a small laugh. “No, I’m all right, May.” He heads down, from roof to barrel to ground. “I just wanted to be sure. Hardly point in leaving a job half done, is there?”

“You sound like my mom.” It’s not an insult, but not quite a compliment either. “She says you have to finish what you start.”

“Does she now?”

“Yup!” May bounces ball off her knees with her steps. “Hey, can you...not tell my mom about the ball thing? I already got dinged for forgetting to lock the pool. At this rate I’ll never get my own phone.”

Jonathan smiles down at her. “Your secret’s safe with me, May.”

“Thanks, Mr Jonathan!” Any hope of speaking longer with the girl is dashed as she runs to her friends triumphantly displaying the ball to them.

**

He selects a hole-in-the-wall for lunch, somewhere he can collect his thoughts without distractions from touristing crowds. It’s full of locals, most taking sandwiches to-go, as they grab a quick meal. Some give him a glance, recognizing an outsider, but most don’t bother. Most are too busy to get back to work...lunch is a busy time, robust in customers.

Pine reviews what he knows. He knows two men were aggressively looking for one of Kay’s male guests, suggesting he was dangerous to her. That helping him could pose a legal risk to her. Given what he found today, it’s not a stretch to assume Ricardo is the man they were looking for. It’s also not a stretch that think Kay is, in fact, not just protecting, but helping, the man. The question remains...why?

Is Kay being played? Threatened into helping? Or is she in on whatever it is that makes Ricardo a wanted man? The little he knows of the woman makes it unlikely she’s gullible enough to be conned. She’s strong, yes, but her daughter could be a weak point, a lever for Ricardo to pull. He’d like to think she’s not in on it, but he’s no longer in the habit of trusting others...not even single mother’s running coastal inns. If he just had a bit more information, maybe he could sort through it all better.

Pine pulls out his mobile, scrolls contacts, pauses at Angela’s entry. But then what? Burr’s British intelligence, not American, and he’s supposed to be out of the business. The life. What does he say? Yes, I’m reentering the world, but would you mind terribly tracking down a man who may or may not be involved in illegal activities at my hotel in the States? Also, look up the woman managing the hotel, if you could, please? “Bloody idiot,” he mutters to himself, stuffing phone back into pocket and collecting things for the receptacle.

“Fuck yo!” The woman exclaims as she bounces off his chest.

“Terribly sorry, are you all right?”

She’s rubs her forehead. “Ya’ll never look for them bitty girls, do you?” Looking up, frown goes to grin. “Damn son, you fine as Hell!”

Jonathan nearly snorts a laugh at what may well be the most American way someone’s complimented him. “Thank you.” It comes out automatically, instinctual politeness kicking.

“How ‘bout a few drinks on me? Literally, if you play your cards right.” She shrugs. “If I play my cards right, am I right?” He goes to speak, but she carries on. “No, no, don’t break my heart, just pretend I didn’t say it at all. How about a Coke though? One for the road, so I can tell my cuz I bought a hottie Brit a drink instead of blowing my shot all over him.”

“I’m afraid I’ve already had a pop, thank you though.”

“Damn.” She tries another tactic. “Well, I’ll be at Squall’s End, if you change your mind. Nice little bar. Gotta in with the owner, so I can slide you a freebie, if you’re up for it, Shakespeare.”

Interest truly piqued, he smiles. “How about I buy you a drink here and we go up there together?”

“Really?” Grin brightens, then fades to wariness. “Wait, you staying there?”

“Precisely.”

“Ah, shit...” the woman shakes her head. “Nope nope, sorry, my cousin’s gotta strict ‘no hittin’ on the guests’ policy for my ass.”

“Your cousin is the manager, Kay, then?”

“Oooo, already on a nickname basis with her, huh? She must like you, but then she’s seen you...heard that devastating voice of yours...” The woman fakes a swoon, then carries on. “I’m Qi. But it’s with a q, instead of c-h, because my parents wanted to ensure a hundred people mispronounced my name before I entered first grade. So...Who’re you, Shakespeare?”

“Jonathan. Jonathan Ashland.”

“Parents didn’t even have the decency of naming you something like Neville or Mortimer...Lucky devil.” Qi takes a deep breath, then lifts brows. “I still want that cola, Jonathan, but now it’s a ‘friend, size-up-the-guest’, cola instead of a come-on cola.”

“Of course.” 

...Perhaps Qi has some answers for Pine, she’s certainly open and chatty enough.

“Okay, get me my soda and prepare for interrogation, Mr Darcy.”

“Darcy?”

“Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, Pride and Prejudice, keep up, Sherlock!”

Another one out and, this time, with a surprise new character, haha! Not sure if Qi will be around a lot or just a little bit  - I do know WHY she’s here though - but she’s already making me laugh, LOL!! She’s younger than Kay, obviously way bolder and flirtier, but she’d just say she speaks the truth, haha! I’m hope May came out okay...she’s nervous and I don’t generally write kids so they’re not really my strong suit to start, lol! And I should have a masterlist for this tale soon, so yay, lol!

(Gifs found on Google, adjusted by me!)

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