#why am i so wordy
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tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid
okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.
Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.
It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.
(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)
There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.
It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.
Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.
Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.
He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.
At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.
This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.
Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.
Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.
Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.
("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)
Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.
Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.
Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.
Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.
Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".
(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)
Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.
He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.
Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.
Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.
At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.
He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.
Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."
And there it is. There's his out.
Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."
The ball starts rolling.
Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.
He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.
It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.
Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.
He breaks the lock by hand.
Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.
The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.
And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.
I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"
I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.
Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.
But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.
Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.
Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.
Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.
Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.
And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#tales of the passerine au#i dont want to overemphasize how much vlad sucks but also i dont want to downplay it. but also i didn't wanna make this post too long#i didn't emphasize enough on vlad's possessiveness but i wanted to make this post as general enough as possible for the au.#for some more wiggle room in the future if i make more posts about this au.#the consequences for Danny repressing himself was not a concern i was focused on for the post but i am thinking about it and mulling it ove#i'll be blunt my main specific reason for why this occurs shortly after tue is bc it means dani doesn't exist yet and it means i dont have#to include her in the continuation of this au. i love that girl but she's a dead weight. i dont wanna come up with an elaborate reason as#to why she's not in the picture when i can just say 'she never created in the first place' instead. i don't have anything for her to do#I don't want to risk giving her a poor plot line just so that she exists in au.#sometimes i really hate just how long my posts get. i feel like it kills my engagement. but i also don't want to make posts that have#a part 1 and part 2 just because I think it got too long.#i feel kinda bad for having Danny take the spot of 'first partner' from Dick. But that was part of the reason i was inspired to make this a#i've already got the skeleton of a reasoning for danny becoming a vigilante being made in my head.#He can't go by Phantom since that risks drawing Vlad's attention -- a new vigilante showing up in Gotham. a place the visited frequently#who goes by the name Phantom? He'd be on that faster than chickens on meat. and nightingale has familial meaning behind it due to being#part of an ancestral name. it follows robin's theme of using it to honor his parents while still having its own unique enough lore to stand#on its own without feeling like a cheap copy. plus the bonus meta reason that it follows the bird theme. which personally is vital to me#my other alternative to Nightingale is Sparrow. mostly because it has good phonetic structure for a hero name. not too many syllables#a good balance of consonants and vowels. dont want a hero name with too many syllables or unbalanced consonants. or worse; both.#my reasonings is that hero names should be easy for a civ or teammate to yell while still being understood. max amount of syllables before#it threatens to become too wordy is 3. If it goes over 3 it should have a balanced consonant-vowel ratio. Wonder Woman is a good example#some things got cut here that were in the initial oneshot. like danny giving bruce his physical ghost core and showing up bloody.#the first son au
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regarding the story of oliver
so i think oliver fog's anecdote may have unexpectedly become one of my favourites and managed to get me emotionally invested ... so i'd like to talk about a certain aspect of it in more depth
a knight and oliver fog's dynamic definitely was what captivated me the most; through that anecdote we got to watch the progression of the way they interacted with each other, though they may have gotten off on the wrong foot and had a few misunderstandings, they grew to develop true respect for each other, but what makes it unique is the way they BOTH see their respective pasts in each other. it's a mixed bag of memories for them both, yet somehow it ended up becoming a basis for an actually positive bond
oliver already had a rather negative impression of a knight from the start. and the fact that a knight made a joke that directly reminded oliver of his own father--whom oliver wasn't exactly fond of--didn't exactly help make things better between them. however, the experience they had in the forest (which i will touch on more in later paragraphs) certainly improved things, enabling them both to warm up to each other
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY a knight's final gesture toward him, putting his hand on oliver's shoulder to comfort him, is something i find very remarkable, and also symbolic of their development. that was, again, something that directly reminded oliver of his father, but oliver doesn't despise it this time, especially since this happened right after a knight had protected him and given him courage. knight had given oliver a reason to think highly of him. aside from that, he also got oliver to look at life (and death) through a new perspective. a knight could be the more ... positive paternal figure that oliver needed, and with time oliver's perspective on him can definitely shift from "he's just like my father (derogatory)" to "he's just like my father (affectionate)"
now onto a knight's side of things. he never wanted to cause oliver any trouble, and not only felt remorseful, but also had a protective instinct toward him. but most importantly he saw traits of his very own best friend and companion in oliver fog. an interesting but somewhat melancholic basis for a new friendship ...
AND THEN there's the fight scene, the moment where they were surrounded by critters in the forest. while that wasn't exactly something a knight would consider as a severe threat, seeing how swiftly he dealt with it, it sure did serve as a reminder of the roncevaux pass battle where he had died. surrounded by foes, standing side-by-side with an oliver. and again, while this isn't such a severe battle for a knight, to the rather combat-inexperienced oliver fog, this fight could as well have been his "roncevaux pass". there is also the fact that the overwhelming amount of critters reminded oliver of his own fog-related trauma. it's thanks to a knight's steadfastness and combat skills that they ultimately got out of it. a battle that didn't turn out so hopeless this time. a battle in which a knight was able to save someone else
a knight becoming a truly reliable person and offering hope to others, as demonstrated in this anecdote, is a testament to his growth. he was, after all, more reckless and troublesome during his lifetime, but the oliver of a knight's time had helped him grow as a person, and a knight acknowledged this thoroughly. his oliver had always been there for him and acted as his voice of reason, so now it's a knight's turn to be a steadfast and reliable figure to someone else; in this case a younger person to whom he can impart his wisdom and life experiences. in turn, a knight can learn a thing or two from oliver fog as well (and he did!)
i think a knight has become someone whom his oliver would have truly been proud of. there is this statement he made about how oliver will never truly die, which i take to mean as 1) the past oliver's spirit essentially living on through oliver fog and 2) a knight eternally preserving this oliver in his memories all throughout his new life. between the two of them he is the only one who is granted such a chance, after all. death and time may have parted them but memories allow oliver to continue to live on, in a way. either way it's ultimately a nice sentiment, a little bittersweet but a wonderful testament to his appreciation and love for what was once an important part of his past
in conclusion i find them to be an excellent duo. the interaction they had in the anecdote gave them even more depth as characters, as it enabled them to explore the way they think of the past, their personal pasts, and acknowledge the way those pasts define them as they are now. as well as the way they both got to experience something that mirrored both of their respective past experiences, and ended the interaction on a positive note. i am so glad they found each other
P.S.: if oliver fog somehow were to meet the oliver from knight's past, his father figure count would increase by 1. i'm just saying
#reverse 1999#r1999#reverse 1999 oliver fog#oliver fog#reverse 1999 a knight#a knight#anecdotes#if there's anyone actually going through all this. thank you but Why#i'm writing most of these for purely self-indulgent reasons anyway#reiterating things that are already obvious#have i ever written anything this long?#ah well. i LOVE platonic dynamics#love when i am able to psychoanalyze characters. or so i think#dissect why specific people in specific circumstances Interact with each other the way they do#i keep rereading this and wondering if it's too wordy#but hey at least these thoughts have finally been verbalized!!!
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Well, it's done but it's getting a beta read because 1.4k is not a quick 100 word drabble that might not need one 😂
Remember when I said 100-200 word prompt fills????
1133 words later and that damn line from the prompt still isn't in there 😩
#even the drabbles should get beta'd probably#my English is not it sometimes#like tonight#the hold the line coda was 1.4k too I think#WHY AM I SO WORDY
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Sometimes speaking to people with opposing viewpoints shouldn't be to change them. That's the mindset of posts I come across online, but I believe that default can breed dangerous narrow-mindedness. Sometimes speaking to people with opposing viewpoints should be to collect data. Sometimes it should be so you're made aware where you have incomplete information. Sometimes the result should be you practice humility, learn how to change your mind, increase your ability to handle and produce nuance, and grow.
Sometimes it should be learning to coexist and grow with people who have different philosophies, and learning they are neither the cardboard cutout villain media makes them out to be, or the more complex villain internet discourse says they are.
You aren't a missionary to those who think differently than you. If you go into every conversation believing you're right, you're never going to grow yourself. Realize the valuable complexity people truly are. Learn to listen and understand.
Anyone who says, "Yeah, except X group of people" isn't going in the direction I want to reflect upon in this microcosm of a thought, and isn't engaging with the meaning and intentions I want to focus on right now. Of course there are "excepts." We wouldn't be wise if we had no "excepts." But when we categorize everyone into "excepts," we run into that dangerous breed of narrow-mindedness.
There is much we can learn about people with challenging perspectives. It's valuable. I encourage you to enter conversations with an open-heart instead of a desire to convert. They are people with knowledge and character, just as you. And you don't know everything - not about them, and not about the world.
#blabbing Haddock#non-dragons#long post#the jaded people on tumblr can take this wild directions that clearly wouldn't be the intention of this text#and would in fact demonstrate the reason why we need to listen tbh#but hopefully I don't regret posting this#but I ABSOLUTELY am including many people that tumblr would say not to give a shot to#a bit wordy rn but it's late at night so forgive me
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anyways, just a reminder to read my carrd before interacting with me.
as cases of "im just going to hardblock this friend/mutual with no discussion whatsoever" ramp up i need to remind people that you are traumatizing people. its easy for you to just hit the block button on someone who you've decided isn't worth your time, never have to worry about it again, but please take the time to really sit and think about what you might be doing to them.
i have bpd and i am autistic. abandonment is traumatic. thinking i am friends with someone and then finding i am blocked with no answers after years/months is traumatic.
learn to communicate, like a normal person or 2. do not follow me. i have no interest in befriending you if you think it is acceptable to just leave people like that.
i am honestly so tired of this. please be compassionate. where is the compassion?
#wordy wendy#why is everyone so mean.#why is everyone so quick to just. leave.#how do you block a friend and not sit there in tears and shaking with the guilt of it???#i am genuinely asking.#why do you do that? don't you care about the people you could hurt?#if you tell me you dont want to be friends anymore i will bid you farewell gracefully and hopefully come away a better person#but this does nothing for either of us. surely it cannot make you happy.
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“Amore et Timore” - King Fernando I “El Animoso”
#*why is it that when I write tags that are genuinely imporant and wordy it always doesnt save UGH#well. ill try and rewrite them.#hahaha I bring you curly haired king Fernando!!(mostly for cofi)#2011 monza gp core Fernando that gripped us all by the throat right?? right????#also i hope that his hair doesn't appear red to you like it did to me on my pc??? its brown I assure you#anyways! historical context for nerds like me:#'el animoso'(the spirited) comes from Philip V of course#it was apparently bestowed on him bcs of his perseverance and unwavering fervor in battle#and is that not the most Fernando coded thing youve ever heard?????#'Amore et Timore'(through love and fear) however comes from Joseph I#whom seb is partially based on but i thought his Latin motto fit Nando way better so here we are#philip v didn't have a motto as far as i could tell so that's why I stole Joseph's#but i do think the motto for the Spanish kingdom fits Fernando's career pretty well?#'A solis ortu usque ad occasum'(from sunrise to sunset) and i think that suits Fernando's 'longest f1 career ever' p well#anyways I sent a sketch of this to cofi the other day like yeah I probably wont finish this#and now here i am on 5 am on a tuesday grinning manically sleep deprived like HERE YOU GO#i think he looks very cute in this!!! i really did a lot of work on his eyelashes...very important detail to me#he kinda accidentally looks like Louis XIV unfortunately#but thats down to his hair I think. it looks a lot more like the traditional wig style from then compared to what I typically draw#but god imagine being seb in this au!!! you get to wake up next to this majestic beast....#seb would have this painting framed over his bed or something. i mean who wouldn't????#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#boy king au
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The investigation and trial for case 1 alone is like 50k and I have the post trial chapter to write what the FUCK is happening to me
#Note: I only know this because I had to separate out the pre murder stuff to the murder stuff because one of my betas#was struggling to read the doc because it got so fucking massive#SWEET JESUS WHY AM I SO FUCKING WORDY#HELP ME IS THIS JUST GONNA BE EVERY CASE????#NOOOOOOO
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i dont know why the running joke of this chapter is kakashi fearing for his kidneys. where did that come from. WHY did that come from.
i should probably cut that in editing it's a little ridiculous.
except it makes me giggle every time so maybe i should leave it there.
#girl's mind fanfic#clena's writing progress#just have to write ONE more conversation and the whole chapter is done. but DAMN if editing wont be a bitch#still wondering if i should cut jiraiya's 3-page infodump#because while most people dont mind#some people keep commenting saying that my fic is too wordy and i keep adding unnecessary things#and like. they're 1% of reviews but i have the emotional fragility of a china teacup#i cry when i get those sorts of reviews and they ruin my day even tho i get twenty comments who love my rambling#but like. also. i shouldnt delete stuff from my fic just for the 1% of assholes who will say mean things about it#but also i dont want to cry when someone inevitably says something mean about it.#most if not all of said assholes are on fanfiction dot net so technically i could just stop cross posting#except there are people on that site who DO like my rambles so#ugh. why am i such an emotionally sensitive crybaby. my life would be so much better#if i didnt have such thin skin#i'm 90% certain that jiraiya's 3-page infodump is going to get LONGER with editing cause i'm gonna turn it from infodump into#an actual conversation. so who knows how many pages it'll be by the end. the chapter's already 6500 words#which is double my average chapter length#and i DO like the info he presents even if it maybe ISNT strictly required for progressing the story. probably only the last paragraph is#ugh. i wish people would just never say mean things ever. then i wouldn't have a problem with anything xD
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Finally have a queue system that works for me. AKA 10 posts across two hours. Good luck to anyone. Hope you like seeing silly stuff on your dashboard.
#personal text#Realistically. Yes. Could be spacing it out further. But I enjoy having things be organized in stupendously silly ways.#Also I installed XKit specifically so I can quicktag things. Sick to bastard death of painstakingly opening every like to administer#—my funny little commentaries. Why is this man so wordy? My father insisted I read Dune as a preteen. That's all I got for you.#Anyway. This is your reminder that I have weird ships & whatnot for when that gets reblogged. LOL. I'll tag that stuff with blacklist.#Because I am just so thoughtful & totally didn't just think of that right now.
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girl whose favorite part of the writing process is editing still believes every first draft she writes needs to be perfect. really embarrassing for her.
#i love editing! i love doing away with wordy clutter and finding a sentence that pulls an entire scene together!#so why then is it still so hard to just get the initial words down on the page#a shout into the void#i've been trying really hard to get myself on a writing schedule because these last few months of writers block have not been it#but i am learning that when you commit to writing 2000 words a day those words are a lot uglier#than 2000 words you toil over for two weeks#the creative process sure is fun
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regretting convincing myself another multi-chapter was "a good idea" and "fun," stuck worrying about the need to update it and the need to finish it in a reasonable timeframe.
#i don't think it's made me resent fandom's focus on multichapters any less either :S now i resent both that AND the fact i am writing one.#am i betraying the noble oneshot? am i admitting they're “not proper fics”? why am i even worrying about this stuff?#the complete multiparter will still be considered a short bitesized fic by the standard of everyone else's 300k that they wrote in a week :#meanwhile i feel like my current writing style is a bit too wordy and tending towards bloatedness so idk where to go from here#think i'm still vaguely unsettled by that “can you write an AU in only 5000 words?!?!” tumblr challenge a while ago#seems like everyone else writes lord of the rings on their first go and readers subscribe to everything assuming it'll get more chapters#ffs of all the things to feel insecure about why am i bothered by WORDCOUNTS?!#fic related#worrying about writing
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#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw:#i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious#that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much#i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like#such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him#frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again#dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest#the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary#and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit#i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline#which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all#but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored#i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already#so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight#into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them#also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw#but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just#let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too#often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time#i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me#maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a#'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced'#or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought'#or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too'#sort of way...#it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe#it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun#p
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it is what it is kinda situation unfortunately 😭 like
#omg i cant be affected abt things like this anymore the last time i was so upset abt line distribution was skiz i am you and i woke up at#4am just to witness smth like this happened and i was so mad abt everything for the entire cb 😭#this was like 5 years ago tho so i’ve grown since then and understand that nothing can be done anymore ☝🏼#for the record jungwon also got 7s lines (sungwon parallelism continues) but i guess jungwon had more lines that are wordy#sunghoon lines were just the ‘sweet. hee hee he sweeet’ part so like understandable why people are upset 😭#let’s see what it looks like on stage i wonder maybe he’ll get more center parts in the choreo
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DONE!!!!
and, well, at 4k before editing and being beta-read, this is definitely the longest fic I've written to date (baker!tk and chef!carlos aside) 😅
1.2k in and TK and Carlos still not together in this scene 😂
#100-200 words#that's how long these prompt fills were supposed to be#I changed it to 1-2k after the first one#WHY AM I SO WORDY#me? writing? what a concept
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every time i have a mental health episode i like have my initial freakout about being alone and needing someone to talk to and then in like the 11th hour when i'm long past the pain i am like flooded with love and support and instead of responding positively to it i just get really fucking scared, feel like i have manipulated everyone into caring about me, and hide in a fucking hole for days until it all blows over.
genuinely i just wish i had someone who would see me be like 'I HAD A BAD DAY AT WORK' and dm me like 'do you wanna talk about it? or do you want me to talk to you about franmaya.' and then we do that and i'm fine in 5 mins. but it's always either dead silence or walls of text about how great i am and it's just two different forms of torture like how do i respond to this besides just crying and isolating myself entirely.
#wordy wendy#i hate praise i hate praise i hate praise i h#i'm just lonely as hell man#im constantly trying to make friends but my heart isnt in it anymore#the whole im im doing it i just can't have faith in anyone to stay#its so mean. why would i think that of people#why would i do that#but im just exhausted#the amount of people who have abandoned me in the last like 2 years#has spiked SO exponentially#despite me feeling like i've only gotten better as a friend and as a person#it feels like when i was emotionally immature and cruel and selfish#i was surrounded in so much more love and care#why is that... i don't want to be that person again#but i want the social support and community back so bad.#i'm back into that doomerist mindset where seeing my friends grow close#now makes me resentful and angry#instead of happy and joyful and proud#why the fuck is that? that's so fucking mean. why am i so bitter?#i know why. i know i'm just hurt and lonely and i feel isolated#but what do i do about it?#i've tried everything.
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Cat stop writing novels challenge
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