#why am i losing my mind over something like this?

[lookingfts]

Dialogue Game - Prompts #9 and #10

#9 – "Who am I to you?" (@fitrahgolden)

Who am I to you?

It’s a logical question. One she deserves an answer to – has deserved an answer for some time now, but never more so than after the devastating argument he had walked out on.

She’s his friend – no. Well, she is. His best friend, probably, not that there’s stiff competition for such a title. Calling them friends with benefits suggests a friendship to begin with, and there’s not a better word for the woman who listens to all his gripes about his family and work, to his memories about his father, to his hopes for the future. Who shares all those things in return, in the late hours of the night when she’s naked and sated against him, and they’re in a bubble where nothing feels quite real. Where they can pretend, the next morning, that they never said any of those things.

She’s his lover – or she was, though he might have fucked that up now. He’s never wanted anyone so badly in his life, never ached and itched and humbled himself like this just for a taste of her. He’s never felt so good coming apart in anyone’s arms before, never wanted more even as their first encounter was winding down.

She’s not his girlfriend, even though she comes to all his family’s events and they spend half the night chatting in a corner. Even though she’s on his mind when he first wakes up and spends the night in his dreams. Even though his life has come to revolve around her, this beautiful, intractable, maddening woman.

None of those seem right. None of those seem like enough.

And so he gives her the only answer he can. The only answer that encompasses her role in his life.

You’re everything to me, Kate.

#10 – “I hate the way he looks at you. The way you let him touch you, no matter how innocent.” (Anonymous)

He knows it’s childish to storm out of the gala like that. He just – he needs some air, needs to walk off his energy before he does something to embarrass Kate. She’ll never forgive him if he causes a scene.

Kate loves him, he knows she does, even as she stands across the room and chats with Dorset and he brushes his hand against her arm. The fucking nerve of that guy, even if they have been friends for years, long before she even met Anthony.

She’s not trying to make him jealous, she’s not that type, but he is a jealous man. Always was, but it’s compounded a thousandfold by the way he feels about Kate. She’s the one, there’s no doubt in his mind, so what does he do if he loses her to someone else? How would he ever recover from that, why would he even try?

The door opens, and Kate steps outside in her midnight blue gown and a grey faux fur coat. She’s so fucking gorgeous that it steals his breath even now, after all the times they’ve had each other. It never really stops feeling like the first time he’s seeing her.

“You shouldn’t be out here,” Anthony says, his protective instincts kicking in. “It’s freezing.”

“You’re out here,” Kate points out. “I looked over and you were gone.”

It soothes something in him to know that she was looking for him. They can find each other in any room, no matter how crowded, like a sixth sense. “I needed to clear my head. I’m fine.”

They both know that’s not true, and Kate steps forward, resting a hand on his chest. Her palm is warm, even through his jacket. “Is this about Tom?” she asks, because she’s all too aware of him, his flaws and failings. He doesn’t respond because he doesn’t need to. “I’m not going to stop being friends with him, you know.”

He’s never asked. Anthony doesn’t want to be that person. He doesn’t want to control Kate, not that she would ever allow herself to be controlled, least of all by him. “I wouldn’t-,” he starts, but his throat feels tight. “I hate the way he looks at you. The way you let him touch you, no matter how innocent.”

Kate always wants him to be honest, no matter how ugly the truth. She steps closer until they’re pressed together, and her expression is unapologetic, but loving nonetheless. “We’re just friends,” she promises. “You have nothing to be jealous about.”

“Don’t I? He has feelings for you. He wants you.” Kate is too smart not to see it. He can hardly blame Tom for falling under Kate’s spell – Anthony doesn’t see how every person who has ever met Kate isn’t in love with her.

Her hand curls around his neck, her fingers soft against his skin. “I’m with you, not him,” Kate says calmly. “I’m yours, Anthony.”

It’s a talent, the way she can soothe him without capitulating to his whims. The way she swears herself to him without betraying her own needs and beliefs. “Yes, you are,” he says, almost a growl. “And I’m yours.”

Kate nods slightly and then kisses him, soft lips and softer noises. Anthony lets her lead, lets her reassure him. He wishes he didn’t need it, but he does.

“Come back in,” she urges quietly, running her hand through his hair. “If you get jealous, just know that you get to take me home. I'll let you have me all night.”

He groans at the promise, kissing her hard enough to smudge her lipstick a little, and goes easily when she takes his hand to pull him back inside.

[celebrityworshipsyndromee]

do you have any tips for beginner models or advice on what agencies are looking for? people tell me I should do it bc I have the height/physique but nothing about my face really feels unique or eye catching :/ and I'm worried it will trigger my body image issues.

This is probably going to sound crazy (especially coming from me bc I am like quite average and probably fall into the category of street cast / nodel) but I just would just seriously just not do it unless you’re like effortlessly stunning, effortlessly stick thin and 5’11 upwards.. because there is so much mental pressure, people will criticise you, it is not a sustainable profession and just not a sustainable thing to invest energy into. If you come from a wealthy or celebrity family that can support you I can see why you would do it.

You can always just try and submit yourself to an agency and see how you go doing it for a year but most people will demand a lot of your money (travel, etc) and time (available for random days, needing to be available and then being dropped last minute) and you just have to consider the impact on the psyche. It took up so much time I could have devoted to other things, and also made me feel depressed, ugly and fat when I was like in my physical prime of 21-now lol. You get bombarded with photos of yourself from every angle, it really makes you obsess over your body, if you already have body image issues it would probably make them worse - that’s my experience at least.

I was told I was too big multiple times, agents asked me to lose weight, I was told my eye bags were ugly (something I was born with lol) I was put on hold to be a runway exclusive for Louis Vuitton, and then optioned for miu miu (neither eventuated) I was picked up by an agency in Paris but during the interview process they sent me back to my airbnb to change clothes because I wore a dull burgundy top they thought was “too colourful and distracting” the industry is all mind games. I was asked to strip down to my underwear in Milan in a room of 14 bookers and 2 male models, and when I refused and said it made me uncomfortable and suggested we do it in a private room, they immediately told me they would be touch and sent me away. None of this is profoundly bad or even particularly interesting or whatever, it’s just the question of is it worth being low-grade insulted/degraded on a daily basis? What is it for? Most people never make it big, and even if they do it kind of amounts to nothing.

You have to be a certain type of person to remain unphased by it, I certainly am not, and at 16-24 I think most girls entering the industry do not know what kind of person they are and lack the self awareness to understand what they’re getting into.

[aveteranofathousandpsychicwars]

Since (Tiktok is being banned and) we're all gonna die anyway, I have one more secret I'd (like to jump into tumblr with) share with you (in the hopes that I find like-minded individuals)

I don't understand people who think Buddie is ever going canon.

I understand why people ship them. I understand why people thought there was a chance. I acknowledge they could work as a really epic slow burn romance.

They're not going canon.

It's not even because of Tommy and Tevan. I'll be happy to argue with anyone about Tevan.

Buddie is still not going canon.

Are they the majority of the shippers in the online fandom? Absolutely. Most popular ship, hands down. Over thirty thousand fanworks on AO3 alone, something like a hundred thousand followers in the tag on Tumblr, they're a shipping juggernaut. But what people fail to understand is that online fandom is always, ALWAYS a minority of the audience. The average viewer is not making tumblr posts and writing fics and drawing art of their favorite TV show. It doesn't matter how much of a majority of the fandom Buddie has, it's a minority of the audience. We saw this EXACT. SAME. EFFECT. in the recent election. Democrats created a giant echo chamber that made a lot of us very, very confident, but we did not have the majority of the audience.

A hundred thousand followers of the Buddie tag on Tumblr. However many hundred thousand tweets on Twitter (I refuse to call it X and I refuse to get on it). Thirty thousand works on AO3.

6-8 MILLION people regularly tune into 911. I guarantee you, most of them do not know what shipping is, and even if they do, Buddie has not been presented as a potential romance for either Buck or Eddie. Every moment, every look, every action...joke all you want, there IS a heterosexual explanation. "You two have a beautiful son!" Oh my God, meant to be!

The majority of the audience was laughing at the joke of two dudes being assumed a couple and Buck's discombobulation.

The shooting (honestly, the only part where I think they MIGHT have done it). A gorgeous romantic scene where they finally realized how much they stood to lose. Most of the audience was sympathizing with Buck having to watch his best friend go down in the street. Military people were probably having band of brothers thoughts.

Because, Evan. THE definitive Buddie moment. At best, most of the audience was thinking how beautiful it was that Eddie considers Buck family.

Buddie is not going canon, and it's weird that you get so vicious over it to other fans instead of yelling at the show to stop ship baiting for views. Cause that's what they're doing. Marketing, media, social posts, interviews. It all reads the exact same as it ALWAYS does when a show wants the engagement and the clicks but doesn't want to piss off the general audience. You saw it with Destiel, you saw it with Sterek, you saw it with McDanno.

ABC cares about diversity and storytelling only insofar as it will make them money and I guaran-damn-tee you Disney is not going to let them give Eddie a coming out arc along with Buck. It was a HUGE risk for them to do it with Buck (speaking strictly from a business perspective...obviously I think there should be more queer characters on TV) and it only worked because Buck was always at least a little queer-coded.

I am not shitting on gay!Eddie headcanons or the ship itself. But the NASTINESS that has perpetuated itself in regards to Buddie is gross and tiresome. It's not going canon and honestly in the political climate that's about to engulf the US even further I'd be surprised if they ever let Buck seriously date a man again, let alone Eddie.

There was a really lovely mlm ship with a main character and people shit on it so hard that it has a real chance of making them think twice about ever giving Buck a male love interest again.

So congrats, I guess? Still never going canon.

[cads-the-cat]

III FANDOM ASSEMBLE BECAUSE III IS ACTUALLY HUMAN???

Leave it to Sleep Token fans to lose their shit over a person drinking (it's me, I'm Sleep token fans)

Seen it on multiple sites and pages so don't know who the og owner is (credit to them obvs)

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:

He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.

Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….

spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]

@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit

[localguy2]

Suddenly got the craziest fucking idea I've thought of yet:

Zane was originally going to be made to help the elemental alliance in the serpentine wars, per the alliance requesting Julien for something so technologically advanced it'll end the war.

and so Julien started working on Zane during the conflict, and with the elemental alliance providing him with the necessary recourses to create Zane. (metal, wires, screws, schematics and blueprints and other small supplies, a suspiciously powerful and most definitely magical power source, etc).

But the war ends, and the serpentine are sealed away.

So now Julien is left with a half finished robot that wouldn't even have a purpose if it were to be alive, but Julien decides he's going to give it a new purpose.

"If it's not going to be a weapon of war, than it's going to be a weapon of peace."

So he stars reprogramming Zane, from "Mostly human machine designed to fight." to "Almost human machine made to protect those who cannot protect themselves".

He starts adding in extra features for Zane, stuff like breathing, blinking, eating, so he comes off as more human.

he codes in what would be the nindroid equivalent of someone developing a new hobby and getting good at it.

Such as cooking, or perhaps making ice sculptures or even learning how to ride a snowboard considering how he lives in a frozen forest (last one was from Quest For the Lost Powers book).

But he also adds in other stuff to help Zane out in his purpose of protecting, such as a battle ram mode to bust down doors, a lamp head mode to help light out dark areas, being able to shoot out cold air from his hands to cool stuff down without the usage of ice powers (last one was from the start of season 3).

And eventually, he gets so attached to this project of his, that he starts viewing it as more than a machine made to prolong the peace, and by the time he actives Zane for the first time ever, he can't feel but view Zane as a son.

Zane was Julien's life work, "Machine" doesn't do the nindroid enough justice, it doesn't feel right, and it isn't right.

So, even his plans of making Zane a weapon of peace change, and now he views Zane as a son, and as his own person.

Look, I don't care if this headcanon/idea breaks Canon, fuck if I care, but the opportunity is too great, it would would give us an answer to a good number of questions.

one of them being: What was Zane's old power source?

[cappurrccino]

save me, desert paint by number.... desert paint by number, save me....

[codecicle]

been using this to fight most of my anxiety recently. "oh my god the room is spinning my heart is pounding I can't breath" your honor after reviewing the evidence, who gives a fuck lowkey. pop those shock mints and your dick and get on with your day soldier

[delta-piscium]

can not believe i draw a whole sketch and as if that isn’t enough, to color it, i have to figure out light sources and shadows, cruel and unusual punishment

[princekirijo]

Is this image real I need to know

[acourtofquestions]

“Happy July 9th to those who celebrate” also known as “go cry in a corner Samlaena stans”😅😭because I don’t know about y’all but Last Kiss💜gets me🩶every🖤dang time☠️

[bibleofficial]

went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭

[widevibratobitch]

uh ohhhhhh getting all in my head again aha

[kresnikcest]

Somehow I never thought about the Barbie mug shot meme for Tales but I figure the wanted posters are a close enough thing

[poems-of-a-lover]

waiting for the day i can consume cis gay media and not get insanely jealous, dysphoric, or both

[solalunar-eclipse]

To everyone in the comments begging for a fic about this: PLEASE go read Heart of Gold with Blood-Red Eyes!!! It’s by this artist and features Shadow in a similar dynamic with Fleetway Super Sonic, and it is fantastic.