#why am i like this im sorry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yikes-ajax-thats-sad · 2 months ago

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Keep fighting to get better < urge to give it all up and embrace who I really am (a horrible person you made that only knows how to love with nails and teeth and wants to scream with a ruined throat and wants to isolate and wants everyone to fear them and wants to become the most toxic they can to protect themself because it's easier than facing the child underneath)

#i want to be a horrible person. i want to make people cry. i want to hurt you because im tired of being the hurt one #when will it be my time? when is it my turn to ruin your life? i want to destroy you and everything you stand for #but dont leave me again im sorry please dont leave dont leave dont leAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE D #GET OUT OF MY LIFE I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT GET OUT LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE #saw someone say young ppl cant have bpd. what the fuck is this then? how do i explain this thing in me? Im not dxed but damn the symptoms #why am i like this im sorry #sad thoughts #vent blog #sad blogging #vent #vent post #venting #actually mentally ill #actually traumatized #personal vent #actually obsessive #toxic relationship #toxic love #trauma response #actually abused #abuse survivor #manipulation #manipulative

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hinamie · 29 days ago

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tiger lily

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jjk sukuna #sorry for disappearing for a week this was why #tbh if i ever disappear Ever it usually means one of 2 things #either im having a mental breakdown and will not be back for like 3+ months (unlikely but Has Happened)#or (more likely) i started a painting and i'm in rendering hell #this was a bit of an experiment in Shapes and colour blocking #id kind of been dabbling in harsh lines and layered block shapes but i wanted to find a way to combine tht look with my usual oil paint #and i figured a piece tht focused on ??? dappled light ??? foliage??? idk??? would b a good test subject #i benched my rake brush for this and everything :'> she's on break after months of carrying every1 say thank u #anyway i had the vision of sukuna/yuuji and tigers but then i rly rly didnt want to draw tigers #so i thought aha! tiger LILY!!!!!! checkmate #turned th colours real Tropical real jungle-y i am a big fan of the divide layer on the lily i thought tht looked very neat #dont come fr me abt the accuracy of their traditional wear i was referecing cosplays and prsk cards ok we r not after authenticity here #vibes only <3 thank u for your time <3

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puppppppppy · 8 months ago

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thanks @chipper-smol for getting me ISAT i will be so irresponsible with the looping

#the real reason why you arent allowed to do this in game is because the dev knew we'd be nowhere close to finish it if we could #too much power and not enough responsibility etc etc. i dont even know if siffrin would want to stop looping once he figures out he can #do this. “stardust do you want to get out of the fucking loop or not stop smothering yourself on the fighters jugs” LMAOOO #i havent played it yet bc im gonna go in blind and stream it on call so 3 other ppl can watch me cry like a weenie in real time #my art #myart #in stars and time #isat #isat isabeau #isat siffrin #isabeau #siffrin #in stars and time fanart #isat fanart #isafrin #shitpost #i am. so fucking sorry

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ghoulishconey · 2 months ago

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Please bare with me! I'm still not use to drawing cybertronians but it's fun to try something new.

Also, fuck you, rodimus prime! Why are you hard to draw? 😂

The fanfic I read by @love-and-war-on-cybertron called "teach a bit to kiss: Rodimus"

I like to think that rodimus would sneak in a taste after that. 🤭

#my art #artists on tumblr #fanart #transformers x reader #transformers #rodimus #rodimus x reader #transformers x human #mtmte rodimus #im sorry! im still learning to draw this fool!#someone pls send help 🙏#why am i like this???#rodimus prime #transformers fanart

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heartorbit · 4 months ago

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figure skating set right now please. thanks

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #proseka #tsukasa tenma #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #wxs #wonderlands x showtime #GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww #after work I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old #anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set #(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side #however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress #from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look #but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again #it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning #is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled #my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist #i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.

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choccy-milky · 6 months ago

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dad seb dad seb dad seb 💕

#I AM ON MY KNEES FOR HIM U DONT UNDERSTAND🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️#GRAHHH I dont even want kids and im giving myself baby fever #also why is the concept of a man coming home from work so attractive like......huh #also im living vicariously through seb by having him bite lewis' cheeks LMAO grrrrr hes like MOCHI #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x oc #sebastian x mc #choccyart #clora clemons #lewis sallow #celeste sallow #also it doesnt matter how old clora and seb get as adults i will always be drawing them the same LFMAO #we can just chalk it up to wizard age since they live longer #and no matter how old seb gets i will not be drawing him with a beard or anything ever im sorry i like my men like i like my coffee #clean shaven

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anbaisai · 5 months ago

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It's not even actually their birthday

(Based on a conversation I had with a friend + Jamil's 2024 birthday present to the player)

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steelycunt · 15 days ago

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he would not fucking say that he would not fucking want a nuclear family

#giving any character from anyone a bunch of little oc weirdly named kids at the end as their ‘happy ending’ because you can’t comprehend #any other lifestyle should get you arrested i think. im sorry i LOATHE kidfic already and when it’s ocs??? with millennial american names #too like why am i reading about hunter and taylor. who the fuck are these people #characters who would not even touch marriage with a ten foot barge pole being put on the fucking PTA make it STOPPPPP

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biomechabird · 1 year ago

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Despite everything, it's still you.

#kieran #pokemon #sorry i know this is badly formatted but i only really made it for personal reasons but then thought hey maybe someone else might need this #yes im sorry the first image having a different outfit bugs me so much but it's the only one i had in my screenshots with that expression #why am i even saying sorry JUST TAKE THIS IF YOU LIKE IT and if you don't... bye #hello if you're reading the tags

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aq2003 · 3 months ago

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twelfth night main plot: haha bisexual love triangle that is gay in both directions! haha mistaken identity and gender fuckery haha

malvolio side plot:

#twelfth night #ws #i did not feel this strongly abt him before but now that ive listened to dt malvolio.#And esp how he plays him in 4.2 #ajnd it's like guys. guys! i need to turn into a fish and swim to sea and never return #NUMBER ONE MALVOLIO APOLOGIST #I AM SORRY. SORRYYYYYYY #WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DO THAT TO HIM ALL HE DID WAS BE A LOSER AND A KILLJOY #AND MAYBE HE RUINED FABIAN'S RELATIONSHIP AND THREW THE CAPTAIN IN JAIL AT SOME POINT IDK #WHY DO THE RICH FUCKS GET SO MUCH PLEASURE PUTTING THIS MAN IN THE SAW TRAP CAN THEYYYYY BE PUT IN THE SAW TRAP #JUST TO SEE HOW IT FEELS #IS IT HIS FAULT HE LIKES IMAGINING THAT PEOPLE LIKE HIM IM SO HEARTBROKEN MAN #pain and suffering and darkness #ik there is some meta someone has written sometime someplace abt him being neurodivergent but im not going to go digging for it rn

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artsymeeshee · 24 days ago

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Second-guessing

#been overthinking all day today and needed to draw how it feels lately #a bit of a vent ahead #it’s gotten really lonely and almost alienating in a way #and the fandom seems so vastly different #and in a way I dont really feel ok in #i do take the steps to avoid anything that i don’t want to see #but it just feels like what i do is pointless #like what i draw is pointless #i know the more platonic/familial themes in my art will always be overshadowed #but its been a harsh truth ive been hit with #and it’s kind of heartbreaking #i’m forever grateful for the reminders of how my art is like a breath of fresh air #but man is it difficult to not just quit entirely #because it always falls back to: why am I doing this? what’s the point?#i’m sorry I feel like such a whiny loser when I talk about things like this #it’s all jumbled and all over the place but to put it simply it’s been super lonely #i just needed to say something before it completely boiled over #im sorry again

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hinamie · 4 months ago

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corvidae

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #blood/#yuuji #im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag #idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes #i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig #sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok #and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving #flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red #i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals #th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice #just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed #'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows #anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there #anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!

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arsenicflame · 9 months ago

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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?

#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it #but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of #my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day #esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning #and go: oh! my friends were here <3 #its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing #but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess #but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i #i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever #everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks #poll #queue #no see answers option because you must fall into one of these

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tigitaldurtle · 3 months ago

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ERM I keep forgetting to post these sketches (by "forgetting" I mean cowering because I'm not confident in drawing these characters yet LOL) BUT figured it's finally about time. Just a couple time travel AU sketches vaguely based on this fic!! (sorry they're so purple I love purple)

I think the contrast in possible reactions is SO FUNNY TO ME! Stan and his journey to Being Chill.

#also Stan and his journey of healing but its also just becoming more chill #guys im trying so hard not to think about this too hard as i post i hope its not cringe AND IM BAD AT POSING SO SORRY IF IT LOOKS WEIRD AND #AAAAHHHHH #ok ill chill. ill chill.#i just love the concept of older Stan and Ford meeting 30ish Ford and Stan #the older and wiser going to the past is like yes. good.#also i just love time travel and time travel aus all around. its what doctor who instilled in me. its why i am WHO I AM!!#im done rambeling now aha aha aha. posting now! gonna hit post!! hitting post riiiighhhtt after these tags!#gravity falls #stan pines #stanley pines #ford pines #stanfordpines #uhh icr what this au is called #or i would tag that also erm oh well #sketches #sketch #my art

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wh0r3zzz · 2 months ago

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I'm so tired of feeling like this.

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halfmoonstruck · 7 months ago

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accumulated enough abandoned wips to dump them in a post again

#deltarune #kris #noelle #my art #i actually really like that first one but once ive left a piece for too long i cannot bring myself to work on it again i dont know why.#maybe if im rly motivated and have the time.. which i have neither of right now #im sorry im always complaining abt how busy i am but its upsetting how much its been affecting how much i can draw..#whcih is why i thought now would be a good time for a post like this at least

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