#why am i like this im sorry
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Keep fighting to get better < urge to give it all up and embrace who I really am (a horrible person you made that only knows how to love with nails and teeth and wants to scream with a ruined throat and wants to isolate and wants everyone to fear them and wants to become the most toxic they can to protect themself because it's easier than facing the child underneath)
#i want to be a horrible person. i want to make people cry. i want to hurt you because im tired of being the hurt one#when will it be my time? when is it my turn to ruin your life? i want to destroy you and everything you stand for#but dont leave me again im sorry please dont leave dont leave dont leAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE DONT LEAVE D#GET OUT OF MY LIFE I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT GET OUT LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE#saw someone say young ppl cant have bpd. what the fuck is this then? how do i explain this thing in me? Im not dxed but damn the symptoms#why am i like this im sorry#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized#personal vent#actually obsessive#toxic relationship#toxic love#trauma response#actually abused#abuse survivor#manipulation#manipulative
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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thanks @chipper-smol for getting me ISAT i will be so irresponsible with the looping
#the real reason why you arent allowed to do this in game is because the dev knew we'd be nowhere close to finish it if we could#too much power and not enough responsibility etc etc. i dont even know if siffrin would want to stop looping once he figures out he can#do this. “stardust do you want to get out of the fucking loop or not stop smothering yourself on the fighters jugs” LMAOOO#i havent played it yet bc im gonna go in blind and stream it on call so 3 other ppl can watch me cry like a weenie in real time#my art#myart#in stars and time#isat#isat isabeau#isat siffrin#isabeau#siffrin#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isafrin#shitpost#i am. so fucking sorry
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dad seb dad seb dad seb 💕
#I AM ON MY KNEES FOR HIM U DONT UNDERSTAND🧎♀️🧎♀️🧎♀️#GRAHHH I dont even want kids and im giving myself baby fever#also why is the concept of a man coming home from work so attractive like......huh#also im living vicariously through seb by having him bite lewis' cheeks LMAO grrrrr hes like MOCHI#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian x mc#choccyart#clora clemons#lewis sallow#celeste sallow#also it doesnt matter how old clora and seb get as adults i will always be drawing them the same LFMAO#we can just chalk it up to wizard age since they live longer#and no matter how old seb gets i will not be drawing him with a beard or anything ever im sorry i like my men like i like my coffee#clean shaven
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figure skating set right now please. thanks
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww#after work I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old#anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set#(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side#however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress#from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look#but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again#it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning#is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled#my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist#i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.
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It's not even actually their birthday
(Based on a conversation I had with a friend + Jamil's 2024 birthday present to the player)
#my art#twisted wonderland#twst#jamil viper#jamil viper x yuu#twst yuu#oc#twst oc#shiokawa mayu#jamimayu#bro made a discovery and had to share#why is he like this#hes very into chemical warfare against those pesky bugs#throwback to the first jamimayu post I ever made#I believe Jamil texts with like perfect capitalization and punctuation#but you can tell he's excited by#subtle hints#things you'll notice if you know him#for example multiple texts in a row is very unusual of him#you may interpret the timestamps however you wish#you may also wonder why I hand draw this instead of just typing#it's cause I drew the first post and now feel I have to commit#it's too late#at least I enjoy the stylized look it gets...#ALSO IM STILL WORKING ON HIS BDAY ART#ITS STILL IN PROGRESS#sorry jamiru i am so very slow
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Despite everything, it's still you.
#kieran#pokemon#sorry i know this is badly formatted but i only really made it for personal reasons but then thought hey maybe someone else might need this#yes im sorry the first image having a different outfit bugs me so much but it's the only one i had in my screenshots with that expression#why am i even saying sorry JUST TAKE THIS IF YOU LIKE IT and if you don't... bye#hello if you're reading the tags
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twelfth night main plot: haha bisexual love triangle that is gay in both directions! haha mistaken identity and gender fuckery haha
malvolio side plot:
#twelfth night#ws#i did not feel this strongly abt him before but now that ive listened to dt malvolio.#And esp how he plays him in 4.2#ajnd it's like guys. guys! i need to turn into a fish and swim to sea and never return#NUMBER ONE MALVOLIO APOLOGIST#I AM SORRY. SORRYYYYYYY#WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DO THAT TO HIM ALL HE DID WAS BE A LOSER AND A KILLJOY#AND MAYBE HE RUINED FABIAN'S RELATIONSHIP AND THREW THE CAPTAIN IN JAIL AT SOME POINT IDK#WHY DO THE RICH FUCKS GET SO MUCH PLEASURE PUTTING THIS MAN IN THE SAW TRAP CAN THEYYYYY BE PUT IN THE SAW TRAP#JUST TO SEE HOW IT FEELS#IS IT HIS FAULT HE LIKES IMAGINING THAT PEOPLE LIKE HIM IM SO HEARTBROKEN MAN#pain and suffering and darkness#ik there is some meta someone has written sometime someplace abt him being neurodivergent but im not going to go digging for it rn
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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Please bare with me! I'm still not use to drawing cybertronians but it's fun to try something new.
Also, fuck you, rodimus prime! Why are you hard to draw? 😂
The fanfic I read by @love-and-war-on-cybertron called "teach a bit to kiss: Rodimus"
I like to think that rodimus would sneak in a taste after that. 🤭
#my art#artists on tumblr#fanart#transformers x reader#transformers#rodimus#rodimus x reader#transformers x human#mtmte rodimus#im sorry! im still learning to draw this fool!#someone pls send help 🙏#why am i like this???#rodimus prime#transformers fanart
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ERM I keep forgetting to post these sketches (by "forgetting" I mean cowering because I'm not confident in drawing these characters yet LOL) BUT figured it's finally about time. Just a couple time travel AU sketches vaguely based on this fic!! (sorry they're so purple I love purple)
I think the contrast in possible reactions is SO FUNNY TO ME! Stan and his journey to Being Chill.
#also Stan and his journey of healing but its also just becoming more chill#guys im trying so hard not to think about this too hard as i post i hope its not cringe AND IM BAD AT POSING SO SORRY IF IT LOOKS WEIRD AND#AAAAHHHHH#ok ill chill. ill chill.#i just love the concept of older Stan and Ford meeting 30ish Ford and Stan#the older and wiser going to the past is like yes. good.#also i just love time travel and time travel aus all around. its what doctor who instilled in me. its why i am WHO I AM!!#im done rambeling now aha aha aha. posting now! gonna hit post!! hitting post riiiighhhtt after these tags!#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stanfordpines#uhh icr what this au is called#or i would tag that also erm oh well#sketches#sketch#my art
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accumulated enough abandoned wips to dump them in a post again
#deltarune#kris#noelle#my art#i actually really like that first one but once ive left a piece for too long i cannot bring myself to work on it again i dont know why.#maybe if im rly motivated and have the time.. which i have neither of right now#im sorry im always complaining abt how busy i am but its upsetting how much its been affecting how much i can draw..#whcih is why i thought now would be a good time for a post like this at least
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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what your favourite dunmeshi ship says about you
farcille: you're classic, you make sense, you like to see the lesbians winning and also you're a bit of a monster fucker: you may or may not specifically have a wing kink
chilshi: you like your men hairy and fat, also you are not immune to panty-shot propaganda, your love language is acts of service
chilaios: you have a size kink
labru: you prefer mlm ships over any other pairing, you think character foils should fuck, you may be a sucker for blue eyes
laimar: your favourite trope is friends to lovers, also you like to see the bisexuals winning, you're also.. what the poets might call.... weird
marchil: your favourite trope is enemies to lovers, your love language is banter, and you're the kind of person who says 'i can fix him' far too often
kabumisu: your ship could burn down the world and violate the geneva convention and you would still call both of them babygirl, also you like angst
laios x monsters: you like tentacle porn
#i am open to criticism#i love this manga/ anime so so much it's not even funny#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#farcille#chilshi#chilaois#larcille#laimar#marchil#kabumisu#aisha.txt#edit: everyone saying smth along the lines of why are you claiming labru is simply mlm fetishisation/ projection#when there is only one wlw ship in your 'top dunmeshi ships' post????#you are so so close to getting the point i believe in you#edit 2: IM SORRY IM SORRY I MADE THIS IN TEN MINS#LABRU SHIPPERS PLS STOP ACTING LIKE I MURDERED YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD#I REMOVED THE TAG IM SORRY#I DIDNT THINK IT WAS THAT DEEP#edit 3: laois has two hands just sayinggg#edit 4: removed the anti-labru sentiments partly bc ive seen the error of my ways and partly bc im sick of the anon hate
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WHEEEEEE
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#i drew this insteabd of payong attention to class. Sorry.#And am posting it while i wait for the bus. I ha e sleey disease#SLEEPY.#emu otori from um . fortntie#Rhebusihesjehr THE BUS IS HERE BYYE#edit ok im back waiting for my transfer BROTHER. THE ANNIVIERYUAEYH it got me so fucked up prsk you crazy son of a gun#I THINK THE NEW OUTFITS ARE RLLY CUTE MIKU SOOOO KITTY#im almost done with all of my commsni dont think i will open them again this semester. or next. summer. Im sho tired#my assignments r fun but theyre like big. Theyrbe large#my prof said he was gonna make us make fur/sonas for an assignment hut didnt want to get fired. dont be a coward#proseka autism is killinng me i cant lie WHY IS DARKNESS FESTA TIERING SO FUCKING CRAZY#IVE NEVER EVER SEEN THE 10K CUTOFF REACH A MILLION POINTS ON EN. USUALLY WE SLACK SO HARD. COME ON#im so sleepy and have things to do please sotp it AND CURTAINCALL IM GONNA BE SICK I CANT TRHJNK ABOUT IT
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sorry I got posessed by the wattpad demon I'm normal now (lying)
+alt version that didnt fit the #aesthetic but it better represents my #vision of them ^_^ hashtag couplegoals
#I am not immune to 'she can fix him'-ism. jk that's not why I like them#got#game of thrones#joffrey baratheon#margaery tyrell#my art#sorry 2 the marg fans I haven't drawn her in so long and this is what I give you. if it makes you feel better I'm also disappointed#ok jokes aside im actually really happy w the like. messy scrapbook vibe it was so fun :3 I need to do it more ^o^#I'm so jealous of people who fill up their canvas like this n I finally did it yipeee#whats their ship name btw is it just a slightly misspelled version of one of their names that would be funny. does anyone even ship them#...I know what this looks like but um ackchually I like them in a ironypilled divorcecel way. it's different -_-#and I also like drawing them being cute but um its because ☝ um. well its fun :3
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