#why am I the only person who’s accepted that it’s not what im fucking good at???? why do I have to keep being put in these hard ass classes?

[theokusgallery]

I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH

[mayonaisalspray]

I’m about to have a fucking ace attorney breakdown over numbers on a piece of paper

[devotedlystrangewizard]

started post- sb you know what that means!! [insert repetitive & flawed 5 hour rant about the depiction of parents in ffxiv here]

[mrfoox]

Oliver freaking tf out when im crying as we talk is an favorite thing

[coeurify]

I have no idea how this would fit into an storyline but I am a hoe for fake dating. Imagine fake dating with abby and it slowly becoming too real

UGH YOU GET ME FAKE DATING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES!!

⋆˚✿˖° now, abby anderson had a problem. specifically a blonde, brown eyed loud mouthed man of a problem. owen fucking moore. she had broken up with him in the summer time, little explanation given to the ass of a boyfriend other than that she needed to “find herself.” (not that she needed to give any.)

⋆˚✿˖° but owen? oh owen didn’t accept that. so from the very moment abby had broken it off, to when the air began to smell like fall.. he pestered abby. asked for a reason, begged for another chance (despite HIM going around with damn near every girl on the WLF compound.)

⋆˚✿˖° things came to a head at a get together in one of abby and owen’s mutual friend’s apartment style quarters. mutual friend who also happened to be your roommate.

⋆˚✿˖° abby and owen fought all night, abby’s cheeks red from embarrassment and anger, eyebrows furrowed together. “why can’t you just take no for an answer owen?“ the cup in her hand crackled a bit under the pressure when the man scoffed. “because you never give me a real answer!” abby’s arms crossed at that, searching around the room. quickly, and maybe a little impulsively, she shrugged. “i’m into someone else now.”

⋆˚✿˖° owen just couldn’t accept that, his arms thrown around dramatically. “so you like another guy? that’s why you wont give me another chance? you know i can treat you better.” that sentence alone reminded abby just why she hated being with him so much, but again that fast moving brain of hers spoke before the thought could finish, finger pointing in the direction of the first person she found.. you. “it’s not a guy. it’s a girl. im not.. into your..” abby made a motion, “species anymore.” sure, it was sort of true. abby recently realized she probably had a thing for girls, but you particularly? she couldn’t count on her fingers the amount of conversations she had with. “i like her.”

⋆˚✿˖° you, who’s head poked up, mouth full of slightly stale chips, having heard the whole conversation. abby anderson, beautiful, funny, madeyouweakintheknees, abby anderson was into you? and not straight? surely not. you swallowed harshly, deciding to play into whatever game abby seemed to have set on the floor. you made your way over, an award winning smile on your face as owen’s mouth dropped open further than a damn infected. “You like her? as in girls?”

⋆˚✿˖° honestly, you probably caused more trouble when you stood near the two, “abs!” you grinned, “you forgot your jacket here.. cmere ill grab it for you.” and then your hand is wrapped around her tensed bicep, the stiffness likely caused by her pure shock you even played along. still, she used it as an out from the devil with blonde locks, shrugging almost apologetically at owen before letting you whisk her away.

⋆˚✿˖° and that night, after everyone but you and abby had stumbled out of the cramped room, which was still humid and heavy, you made the plan. with a pen that had little ink left, scratching against the water damaged pages of the notebook you tucked under your pillow, you wrote the words “project get rid of owen moore.” which ok, in retrospect sounded really bad. but you were a little tipsy.

⋆˚✿˖° the plan was easy. play the role of abby’s first girlfriend, convince owen she was totally not into him or men anymore. what did you get out of it? a spot on the top dog abby anderson’s patrol team. something you had been vying for this year. abby agreed, although a little hesitantly. she promised she had picked you only because its who her pointed finger found first. not any actual attraction. you swallowed down the hit to your ego that brought.

⋆˚✿˖° and honestly? the plan went on pretty steadily. you were a damn good fake girlfriend if you had to admit it, and abby didn’t hate being around you. in fact, she really enjoyed being around you. she enjoyed how easily your fingers reached down, tapping on her palm to fing a way to hold her hand whenever one of owen’s posey was around. she enjoyed how you leaned in whenever owen passed by, your lips on her ear, whispering anything you knew would have her smiling. a fake smile of course.

⋆˚✿˖° you two had some pretty strict rules. no kissing, no extreme touchiness, absolutely no spilling to anyone this was fake, and the most important.. no real feelings. you had come up with a backstory, one you two had studied together. (you two met in the training room after your roommate introduced you two and totally hit it off. abby got you a spot on her team next to her and manny, and feeling bloomed from there.) abby added in a few details she knew would piss owen off.. and you sealed your lips shut to follow the rules.

⋆˚✿˖° the first few weeks were easy. you liked spending time around abby. you enjoyed how she smiled, you laughed at all the jokes she cracked (for the fake dating points of course..), and you loved training with her. you had to ignore the shiver her hands on your shoulders or waist gave, knowing it was just to help your position. “you have to fix your stance if you plan on fighting scars..” abby huffed.

⋆˚✿˖° the problem started in october. a month and a half into your fake dating plan. tens of lunches spent alone together, a handful of new hair styles you begged to try on abby, and around 5 missions out of the base, in. there was a party, one you demanded the two of you go to one day as you lounged on abby’s bunk— watching as she cleaned up manny’s mess across the room. “if we dress up together, owen will totally finally get off your case,” you assured, bringing a loud sigh from the blonde. “oh my god.. fine.”

⋆˚✿˖° you went as a angel and devil, simple enough to easy stitch together some devil horns for yourself and an angel halo you found in an old broken down store in the city for abby. no way did you admit the trouble you went for to find it to abs, especially not as she easily pulled her shirt off in front of you, totally clueing you in to where the nickname came from as she shoved on the white teeshirt.

⋆˚✿˖° see, the no kissing rule was an important one, but vodka made everything seem less important, and owen was awfully loud that night, scoffing any time you smiled and leaned into your angel, head band tilting off your head, which abby fixed with a grin. “you two act more like friends than people fucking each other,” owen scoffed as he pressed by you two, the words pounding in abby’s ears over the loud mingling voices.

⋆˚✿˖° “kiss me,” abby called over the old cd that played on the speakers, her cheeks red with anger— blue eyes flicking around. “what?” you laughed, thinking back to rule number 1. “i know we said no— no kissing but i just.. oh my god just kiss me,” abby muttered, her large hands gripping your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss, one she was sure owen was watching on to. one you melted into, sucking her lip in between yours.

⋆˚✿˖° that had been a breaking point, ragged breaths and heated necks as you pulled away. it lead to more excuses with less validity being used when the two of you stared at each other’s lips. stepping down the stairs of the base, eyes catching on someone who just looked like owen. “kiss me,” abby muttered quickly, and you wasted no time to turn your head and fill your nose with the scent of pine as you leaned in.

⋆˚✿˖° the no kissing rule crossed off right before the no touchiness one did, that one had been scribbled off completely when abby began pulling you into her lap in group functions, one soft hand rubbing up against your side as she whispered in your ear, “jus’ for show.”

⋆˚✿˖° just for show of course, but you screamed into your pillow for so long that night you almost thought the walls of your room would crumble down along with the barrier you put between you and the blonde.

⋆˚✿˖° kisses and touchiness turned to nights spent in abby’s room, mornings waking up and having abby’s shirt thrown at your face. “wear that, owen got it for me when we were dating.” sure, you probably should be ashamed to be wearing the clothes of a girl who didn’t like you, but the frown on owen’s face made it worth it.

⋆˚✿˖° that last rule, the one that didn’t have pen strokes over the letters, the one locked behind awkward coughs and side glances, well you weren’t sure who broke it first. you dont know why feelings came into play, but you sure do know it happened.

⋆˚✿˖° you felt it first when abby didn’t talk to you for a few days. you saw her across the stadium with nora, her head tilted back lightly in a laugh at something the other girl said. that was the first time you felt the needle sized ache in your heart, one that only ripped further when owen shoulder checked you on his way by, “better get your girl. she slips away easily.”

⋆˚✿˖° maybe that rule had been broken when abby stormed into your room, met with the sight of you on the couch with some other blonde girl, an old tape of a southern movie mid way through when anderson scoffed and demanded the girl get out. she did so in a hurry, scrambling for her sweatshirt as a frown grew on your lips. “abby what the fuck?” you scoff, watching her eyebrows unfurrow lightly. “you can’t have other girls over! it fucks with our plan,” she accused, though she stumbled lightly over the words. “she’s just a friend, abby.”

⋆˚✿˖° however, the night you sat in your bed, breath heavy and eyes stinging as you broke through the paper with the pen, scratching over the words “no real feelings,” that came in the end of november.

⋆˚✿˖° your head was pressed into abby’s shoulder, yawning and closing your eyes as the movie played on a big sheet, a biweekly occurrence in the WLF base. abby had pressed to your cheek, placing a kiss to it that had some sort of butterfly attack take fruition in your stomach. you two didn’t even know if owen or his friends were around, and they for sure were not the reason of abby’s hand linking into yours as you two walked toward her room later that night. you both seemed to realize that when you reached her door and she leaned forward just lightly, as if to kiss you.

⋆˚✿˖° she cleared her throat, licking over the lips you wanted to capture again. “i think-” she said suddenly, squeezing her eyes closed. “i think owen really believes it now.” you could feel your heart sinking to the empty stomach that laid below your chest, knowing what came next. “i think we should break up.” abby finished, quick to add, “fake break up.”

⋆˚✿˖° you nodded along silently to the story she built still standing in her doorway. miscommunication, arguments, differing plans, the whole shebang— anything to make the breakup believable. you agreed, but the moment her door shut, a half smile and thank you sitting on her lips as the door locked, you felt the tears prick your eyes.

⋆˚✿˖° you wiped quickly at the tears, your hand slapped over the aching chest you swore betrayed you. you sucked in shallow breaths, shaky hands finding your own door as your vision went blurry.

⋆˚✿˖° as your pen broke through the white sheet of paper, you cursed your own heart. you cursed it for being so easy to rip from your chest, presented on a platter for a blonde who only saw it as a fake replica. you threw the notebook across the floor, hand slapping over your mouth so your roommate wouldn’t wake as you sobbed into it. surely you had been the only one to break that rule, but that didn’t matter now.

⋆˚✿˖° but you were wrong. not that you could know that. a five minute walk away, abby breathed out slowly as her fingers scraped though the braid she was undoing, an odd stinging pricked at the corner of her lashes. she knew she did the right thing. she knew it as soon as her lips searched for your own at her doorway tonight. so why did it feel so bad? why did her hands tremble as she pulled out her blanket and climbed under it, squeezing her eyes shut.

⋆˚✿˖° if this was all fake, why did the break up feel so real?

[cherryrikis]

사랑으로 (with love,)

PAIRING swim instructors riki x fem reader

WARNINGS mild profanity

GENRE enemies to ??, fluff, angst if you squint

SYNOPSIS you hated riki because when it came to teaching your classes, he always one upped you. but riki doesn’t hate you. so when you both are punished for breaking equipment, he uses every opportunity to try and talk to you.

a/n loosely based of personal experience cz im a lifeguard🛟 also not proofread

it was meant to be a part time summer job. you just wanted something to do with all your free time, now that school was out.

but, the kids grew to love you, and you grew to love what you do.

so, you began to work full time at the local community pool.

instead of 2 classes a day, you’d teach 4 classes a day. it wasn’t too bad, each class only being 30 minutes.

you were so glad to help out, often even training the new interns.

until one. nishimura riki.

he was barely an intern for a week before becoming a full time employee. at first, you paid him no mind. he was a good teacher. very professional and good with the kids, often demonstrating the skills they needed to know to pass his class.

but eventually, he became better. he grew to become an even better teacher than you. the kids who loved you since the beginning started requesting to be put in riki’s class.

you watched him from across the pool, playfully splashing his students (who really, used to be your students), as they squealed about how the water was too cold.

but he always noticed your gaze. he turned around, smiling at you softly.

and you hated it, you felt nothing but hatred for him to the core of your heart. most of the staff noticed it, and it made it a bit awkward to work with either of you.

it was around 8:00 when your last class had ended. all your co-workers were putting the lane lines back in, preparing the pool for the swim team’s practice the following day.

“y/n? can you collect all the kick boards and put them away?” the manager, anton, asked you. “riki, go help y/n with all the other equipment.”

“what?” your mouth fell open, “anton, i can do it myself,”

“y/n.” anton cut you off. “don’t fight it. just let him help you.” he sighed before walking back into his office to pack up for the night.

you stood still in the middle of the walkway, ignoring how your coworkers moved past you to go wash up in the showers.

finally moving out the way to collect the boards, you huffed as you saw riki follow you into the storage room.

it was eerie. the lightbulb constantly went out, so the staff just figured to keep a candle and a lighter on the shelf above the bins.

riki lit the flame before going to help you clean up.

as you finished stacking the equipment, you went to walk out of the room, but riki grabbed your hand, pulling you back in.

“why do you hate me?”

“i don’t hate you.” you mumbled, before attempting to leave once more, only to be brought back to him.

he raised an eyebrow, looking you up and down.

“fine, i just don’t like you.” you scoffed. “you constantly one up me, taking my position, and even luring my students over to your class. nowadays, i don’t even get paid as much as you do anymore!”

“it’s not my fault! you act like my sole purpose was to come here and take your place.” riki grimaced at you. “maybe i am just the better instructor between us. it’s not my fault you can’t accept that.”

one might say it was out of jealous rage, or just an intolerance of immaturity. but something inside you snapped.

you shoved riki’s shoulder, causing him to fall against the wall and hit the shelf which held the candle.

from that point on, everything was in slow motion. the sound of glass breaking was loud and very audible.

the hot wax spilled across the plastic bin, melting the lid and spilling all over the foam boards which sat inside.

“what the fuck y/n?” riki yelled out.

immediately, anton came rushing in. he looked inside the bin, noticing how there was now a huge hole burnt through the container and all the boards inside. the equipment was no longer usable.

“are you serious? who’s fault was it? who did it?” he asked sturnly.

“it was y/n.” “riki did it.”

“are you kidding?!” you both exclaimed in unison.

“you knocked over the candle.” “you pushed me!” riki scoffed in disbelief. “it was foam! how do you manage to damage foam of all things?”

“enough!” anton intervened. he looked between you and riki, before moving his gaze to your red swim shirts. lifeguard, it read.

“your shirts are a symbol of your dedication and responsibility as a lifeguard and swim instructor. you may be good in the water, but you are both unbelievable outside it. if you keep this up, you could get those shirts revoked.”

“anton.. i’m so sorry.” you apologized, realizing what you done and that it technically was your fault.

“as much as i appreciate your apology, an apology won’t fix this mess. you two are on cleaning duty. i’ll call the janitor to tell him he doesn’t need to come tonight. the keys are on my desk, lock up before you leave.”

you nod in response, but riki still had something to say. “what? this is completely unfair! if anything, she should do it herself!”

but by then, anton had already left. “asshole.” he muttered. “this is all your fault y/n! by this rate we won’t finish for another hour or two.”

“by this rate, we won’t finish at all if you keep standing there and doing nothing. go grab that trash bag and mop.” you sighed.

riki was hesitant to help, but did so anyway, knowing it wasn’t up to him.

after power washing the concrete floors, scrubbing the bathrooms, and replacing all the damaged equipment, all the work was done by 10:05pm.

“good job, i guess. just wait for me then we can go.” you muttered as you finished wiping down the mirror of the employee’s bathroom.

“why would i wait for you?” he scoffed.

“you’re the one who got us in this mess.”

“i- whatever. just, let me help you.” riki licked his dry lips, taking the sponge from you.

the pool doors and the office were all locked up. you both were ready to leave before he paused right in front of the entrance.

“you wanna get something to eat? i’ll drive you home after. you shouldn’t walk by yourself and especially not on an empty stomach.”

“yeah. that’d be nice.” you replied, smiling genuinely at him for the first time.

with the both of you freshly showered yet so tired, riki drove to the nearest mcdonalds, ordering for the two of you.

after the food was picked up at the window, he pulled up at empty parking lot, turning off the engine so you could eat together.

“why are you still so nice to me after i was so rude to you?” you asked with a quiet voice, suddenly feeling bad as you reflected on your past interactions

“you know, it was never on purpose..” he whispered.

“what?” you asked, confused. his answer seemed slightly unrelated to your question.

“earlier, when we were still at the rec center. i asked why you hated me, and you said i basically replaced you.” riki reminded. “it wasn’t on purpose. i just really liked you back when you were only training me. and i thought, i don’t know.. maybe you thought it’d be attractive if you saw i was good with kids or something. but i never meant to make you feel that way.”

“oh riki..” you pouted, putting your box of chicken nuggets down. “i’m so sorry. i had no idea. i mean, if it makes you feel any better, i thought you were pretty cute when i was training you.”

“yeah, i guess that actually does help.” he smiled.

“can i..” you mumbled, leaning forward towards riki as he remained still in the drivers seat.

slowly, he moved closer to you, before eventually connecting your lips in a gentle kiss.

you moved your mouth against his, softly deepening the kiss.

riki smiled against you, and it was very noticeable. you found it cute how his face ran hot when you finally pulled away to repeatedly peck his cheek.

he brought a hand up to your face, holding you delicately. you leaned into his touch, before grimacing as you felt a slimy substance touch you.

“ew, riki!” you exclaimed, realizing his thumb had just accidentally wiped mustard under your eye.

he laughed, the sound like music to your ears, before he helped you wipe it off.

“i’m looking forward to working with you now that we don’t hate each other. maybe whenever we make eye contact mid class, you’ll stop looking at me weirdly.” you joked.

“oh come on, you know i only ever looked at you with love”. riki pursed his lips into a smirk, before bringing your lips back against his.

[genderqueerdykes]

Idk if this is the right place to go but I'm not quite sure where else to put this. I'm very sorry if it's not the right place!

As a trans guy, I just have to wonder just how bad my luck is with trans women blogs and my general interaction with trans women IRL???

I'm stating it now that every single person can be an asshole. No matter their gender. I know I'm just having severely bad luck. Trans girls are forever my sisters and I'll back them up if I need to.

But also, why am I only encountering trans women who unironically want to put trans men and trans masculine people's heads on a spike.

I've close genderqueer friends but never managed to become friends with a trans girl yet (I know a few I'm acquainted with, as an art student in college - trans people of all shapes and sizes are a dime a dozen here) because at some point the fact they fundementally hate trans men comes out into the open. It's scary. Why are we in-fighting? Why does my sheer existence hurt you? The cousin of my crush is a trans girl, and she threw such a fit when she heard her cousin was going to go on a date with me. Not that it matters, relationship didn't work out (we're great friends) but I had never talked to this woman!! Ever!!!! My crush just relayed to me at the time that she did not like me because they told her I was a trans guy!!!!!!!

Trans men who hurt them obviously should be held accountable. They're pieces of shit. Again: every gender can be a fucking asshole. But why generalize? Why would you suddenly ostracize me if I revealed myself as a trans guy to you instead of a butch woman when we've had nothing but pleasant conversations up until now?

I feel like I'm being oversensitive, or that I'm making a big issue out of something so minimal. But why are we in-fighting? Why? Why, why why???

you're not being over sensitive, this is a genuine problem right now and it's affecting people in real time. what people don't seem to care about is that this deeply hurts and affects the people who are being ostrasized. which is something people should care about

you're not imagining things or anything like that and your experiences are very important to be discussed. it is quite literally "the right thing to do" or "cool" or whatever to shit on trans men right now. like currently, in 2024, almost 2025, we are seeing now more than ever, people who proudly hate trans men. this is transphobia. people NEED to care. you're not alone in feeling this way. even i feel this way, and i'm an intersex trans wo/man. i shouldn't have to feel this way, i'm literally a trans woman and i'm made to feel weary about other trans girls suddenly hating me when they find out i'm also a trans man because gender is complicated and being intersex is a complex experience

people will gladly openly hate on trans men. we are now the sacrificial lamb. we are now the punching bag. for a while people really hated cis gay men. like really hated them. the "im twinkphobic" shit was literal overt homophobia and nobody cared. everyone was on board with hating cis gay men for one reason or another. a lot of people were calling feminine cis gay men transmisogynistic, or transfem eggs. now things have shifted and its trans men who are the big problem.

rad feminism is taking over large parts of our community and people refuse to talk about it. people are happily rad fems, and a lot of trans girls identify as transradfems, which is just about as transphobic as you can get. it's never progressive to hate someone for their gender. ever. it's always transphobia. i don't know how so many trans girls got it in their heads that rad feminism just needed to accept trans women and trans women only for it to be a good ideology. i've said it before, but the unfortunate truth is a lot of trans women are desperate to feel validated in their womanhood, and some see man-hating "lesbian" women as the most "woman" thing you can be, as it's the "direct opposite" to being a man. trans women will gladly walk down this path for the sake of gender euphoria and attacking trans men because they're taking someone else's gender personally.

it doesn't matter if you don't see trans men as trans- we are. trans men are trans. transgender, transsexual, transvestites- doesn't matter. trans men get called trannies, too. trans men get misgendered. trans men face corrective rape. it's seriously not cool to see trans men as "copying" trans women, or whatever. i've seen people claim that trans men are really just masculine girls, and that it's okay for women to dress masculine so we should just do that instead. i've seen people say that trans men literally aren't trans because who would want to transition into manhood? i've heard people say that trans men just transition to hurt people. i've heard that trans men aren't "real" trans people and "Aren't trustworthy" sources of information on trans experiences

it's ridiculous. people are completely blinded to what the real problem is. the real problem is the queerphobes above us. i'm with you: why are we infighting like this again? what's the point? the entire point of the queer community is to accept people who step outside of the cisheternormative panopticon we've invented and enforced. it's such a broad array of people. not all experiences will be the same. manhood is desireable, just like womanhood. manhood is not inherently toxic. it's not something everyone wants to escape.

i sincerely hope people wake up and start realizing this is doing nothing but helping conservatives, terfs and transphobes. it's not helping other trans girls. some trans women are also trans men. intersex trans women exist. multigender trans women exist. genderfluid trans women exist. some trans women are also men and we're shooting everyone in the foot by behaving this way.

like do people not realize there are trans women who are also men? you're alienating all of these women with all this man hating. you're not just hurting cishet and trans men here: you're hurting every possible group of person. not every trans woman despises the concept of manhood. wanting to transition out of manhood doesn't mean you have to hate or condemn it. manhood being bad for you doesn't mean it's bad for everyone else

i hope you start to feel better soon. you are more than welcome to come back any time, it's really pervasive right now, but we have to stick together and challenge it when we see it. we have to remind ourselves that this is absolutely unhinged entitled behavior that doesn't reflect how trans men are treated in the real world and how we operate and function. it's shitty but fortunately there are lots of trans women who are allies to trans men. it's a very vocal minority that hate trans men that badly

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[yurunivo]

Sypnosis: accompanying your boyfriend to the gym!

TW:fluff, crack(?), not proofread, suggestive, no use of y/n, OOC, modern au, english is not my first language

Characters: Childe x Fem!reader

Ed sheeran

(NAME)

ANSWER PLS

IM CUMMING TO YOUR HOUSE

haha get it

ANYWAY BE READY 😈

delivered 10 mins ago

You were sprawled out in bed, your limbs practically dislocated from your body because of how spread out they were. You heard the notification from your phone, however you were too tired to answer it. Besides, your alarm didn't ring so you had the great idea of spending the day in bed all day. So, you did the thing any normal person would do, falling asleep again. It was just going to be a small nap anyway.

Meanwhile, a very familiar Ed Sheeran wannabe was at your door. He fumbled with the extra keys for your apartment that you gave him (which he totally didn't beg for). He finally opened the door, walking into the house. He immediately ran to the bedroom to see you, only to see you sound asleep. Feeling slightly bad, he slowly closed the door to your bedroom and went to your kitchen. As the good boyfriend he is, he decides to make breakfast for you! How sweet! (You would've slapped him hard if you woke up now).

He looked through your cabinets, mumbling to himself as there was nothing that was healthy, but worked with what he had anyway.

After finishing making breakfast, he wiped a non existent sweat off his brow, grinning to himself. He put all the food in a tray and began walking to your room. Placing the tray on your bedside table, he thought of a way to wake you up. He didn't feel like using that many methods, until thinking of a devious idea. He would probably come out looking like purple guy from fnaf from the amount of bruises he'll get from you, but it was the quickest way he could think of on the top of his head.

Searching the Samsung homecoming alarm sound on YouTube, he blasted it on full volume as he watched you wake up with a cold sweat, your eyes filling with dread.

"What the actual fu- CHILDE?!" You yelled, instinctively kicking him in the arm. He held onto it in pain, wincing at the amount of force you put in to kick him.

"For someone who doesn't like to work out, your hits hurt like hell," he sweat dropped, looking at you in some kind of awe, yet also in fear.

"You scared me!" "I did not!" "Yes you did!" You both accused each other.

"I sent you a message like twenty minutes ago that I was gonna come, didn't you see it?!" He argued back as you took your phone and frantically went through your messages as your mouth formed an 'o'.

"Well, I was sleeping!" You retorted back.

"WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK SLEEPS TILL 10 AM?!"

"I DO DUMBASS!" You held onto your throat as you started coughing from yelling too loud. You cut the conversation short and went to the bathroom, coughing your life out on the sink. Once it downed down, you brushed your teeth and went back into your bedroom, your voice too hoarse to continue arguing, luckily he understood.

You found the tray of breakfast that he made for you and placed it on your lap, slightly grateful for his actions. You held your spoon and ate agonizingly slowly just to annoy him, but he took your spoon away, and started feeding you himself. You couldn't really bring yourself to argue so you just accepted the not asked for princess treatment.

"So," you said while eating, "why did you come all the way here?"

"Can't a boyfriend visit his wonderful girlfriend without any reason?" He exaggerated. You didn't look amused in the slightest. He cleared his throat as he prepared to say his words.

"Wanna go to the gy-" "No." You finished his sentence.

"Why not??"

"Because I don't want to," you replied back.

He thought for a moment as an imaginary light bulb lit up in his head.

"I'll buy you (favorite food) today!"

As much as you don't want to go to the gym, you couldn't really turn down the offer, so you nodded. His face lit up to a smile as you got up from your bed and looked for an outfit to change in. He went out of the room to let you change, even if he has seen you naked many times before. He picked up his duffel bag that he left by the front door and walked to your bedroom door and placed it there. He waited for a few minutes before you walked out of your room. You placed a few things of yours in his bag like extra clothes, deodorant, a yoga mat and a towel.

You went passed him and got to fill your water bottle with ice and water before putting it in your bag. Taking your phone, you were ready to go.

Finally reaching your destination, you both walked out of the parking area and into the gymnasium. You went to your won separate activities as he did and laid out your yoga mat. You got on Pinterest and went to your boards to look at the few stretches and exercises you saved. You put on your headphones and go on your Spotify playlist.

It was a weird playlist, essentially since it was a shared one. On one hand, you have Childe's, which were just phonk songs, some that you knew and others that you never heard of. While on the other hand, was (favorite musice genre), which was yours. You could choose another playlist, but you didn't want to go through the extra hassle.

You started to do your stretches, paying attention to every step of everything. Luckily, most of them were simple enough for you to finish. Childe's phonk songs kind of ruined the vibe, but your songs made up for it. Most of the exercises were small, so you could finish your whole board in around an hour and thirty minutes. You took a glance at Childe, only to deadpan as you saw that he completed majority of the machines. You figured that you could do some light running on the treadmill and weight lifting, since you were done with the exercises from Pinterest.

As you went on the treadmill, you heard Childe whistle from behind you.

"Nice ass darling," he said light heartedly. You couldn't really help but laugh a little before saying thanks.

You continued working out, only lifting a few small weights. Drinking a bit of water, you decided that you were done for the day. You looked at Childe to see him doing some stretches and walked up to him.

"What are you doing?" You asked. You thought he was done with everything.

"After workout exercises," he said with a stupid grin on his face. You wanted him to wipe it right off his stupid face, but you suppose you could wait until you were both in bed.

He got off from doing sit ups and got in a position to do push ups as he smiled at you, obviously going to ask for a favour. You rolled your eyes at how obvious he was, but gave in anyway.

"What do you need help with?" You asked, taking your phone in hand.

"Count my push ups for me, pretty please darling?"

You hummed. Taking your phone and water bottle in hand, you went over to his back and sat on it. You slightly grinded on his muscular back, giggling to yourself as he looked at you.

You suddenly got an idea in mind. You went to your camera app and started to record.

"Can I ask a favour?" You looked at him as he nodded, counting the pushups in your head for now.

"Can you say my name between every pushup you do? I want to make a video." He raised his eyebrow at your words but still did it for you. You counted the push ups still, smirking to yourself as you created the perfect video for yourself.

After you counted till fifty, he stopped doing his pushups. He took the towel that you gave him and wiped the sweat off of his body.

"What was the video for princess?" He asked as you looked at him like you were waiting for him to.

"Free whimpering audio," you said simply. His eyes slightly widened at how blunt you were, but he quickly returned to his original self.

"You could've just asked darling! We can make one in-" you cut him off by putting your water bottle in his mouth. He drank a little from it before taking it away from his mouth and bringing you in for a hug. He kissed your cheek but you swatted him away because he was sweaty (even though you were too). Some people cringed in disgust at the two of you while others cooed at your 'young love'.

Idk how to do dialogue

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

👁️👁️🔂👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

cringe at myself.....,.....

im aa FOOOOOLLLLLLLL 🫥

Sometimes i think, im a real artist or something..

But whats even real about me? everything i do only exists online

majority of it being on TUNBLR of all places.

fragile fucking tumblr.

my entire life is my imagination and fantasies my entire life is a thoughtform. how can i be a real artist if im barely even a real person in "reality".

not even banishedgirl but intangible girl.

The other day, when i posted about how i want to use the inter net less but im too lonely to stop, i feel it came back to bite me today, in a way i didnt want at all, for the short time my blog was gone, and this brought to my attention, how truly deeply foolish i am

i could disappear so fast like nothing because its all just 👉🧠💭 up here

Even tho my blog is back now. i cant get that feeling off of me. Like yeah there no reason my blog would actually be deleted, unless you know like, tumblr just got discontinued as a website. Which is not an unlikely scenario. i often wonder how long they'll keep paying for these servers. We saw what happened with myspace...

if tumblr was gone, id really be GONE gone

like. i dont exist.

sick to my stomach all day. even if i export my blog and put it on a hard drive ... does it even matter? it literally is not even "matter" it is pixels it is thin air.

How do i be a real girl in the real world

in utena , the "real world" is actually all an illusion. and i believe that to be true for our world too. In a way ive always believed my fantasies and spirits are more real than my body

But i still do want to exist here. i almost have to live in denial about this to stay sane. But i want to exist forever. i want a normal life and friends. i want normal things.. its disgusting.. i feel sick!!!!! im so happy but im so miserable. i love myself but im so insecure. i dont understand anything. i resent fakeness but im fake too. im all just words and space and airy air air

How do i change my life how do i stop yearning to Prove that i exist..... Why do i want to prove it so bad

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE CONFRONTED W THIS TODAY WHAT AM I BEING CALLED TO DO

Like dude i am already going thru it lately. i didnt need any more crisisfuel.

IDK i have to believe its some kind of catalyst to save myself , lest i succumb to the void

it has to show me something i needed to see.

Stuff like this makes me want to disappear in a way that i have total agency over. (Not like in a killing my self way but just in a going away way.) Thats not practical though is it i know thats my evil side talking.

trapped in a sticky web trapped in this glue trap thats what gets me all defiant.

the book im reading rn is from the 70s. i wish i was writing books not posts... i wish i was meeting people in real life the way the author describes in the book. I know the vainly imagined past doesnt hold all the answers either. Good chance i wouldve been institutionalized for woman hysteria or st. But i dont like whats happening here i dont feel natural at all. And its not just me who feels it, clearly.

if only i could be the one who finds comfort in impermenance.

do i accept what im dissatisfied with, do i try to change, or both, or neither?

i am sad

i am existentially disturbed

and i am fucking arrogant 🥴

for wanting to be real.

FUCK!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[kyo-kris]

Shigaraki Tomura x FTM Reader HEADCANONS

❥ Telling him that you're trans

Fluffy Headcanons.

Pronouns for reader: he/him

♡ You and him were having a chemistry, even if both never would dare to talk about this, and no one from L.o.V (except for Toga. Im sure she would shipp you and Tomura)

♡ Well, but when you noticed that you were liking him, you got nervous. So. Fucking. Nervous. You didn't know that they had a trans member in L.o.V and you were afraid of being just rejected or humiliated because of your gender.

♡ Well, you decided one night to open up to Twice about your gender, you were fucking SHAKING. Ending up discovering the trans member and that nobody gives a damn for what you identify yourself, as long as you are strong and help them, you will be respected.

➥ (If you don't like Twice, just imagine another member or you discovering by yourself that information) (pls who doesn't like him...)

♡ This information just relaxed you so much, and you just felt safe to talk about it to Shigaraki. But now how would you do it was the problem. He was always busy with his plans.

♡ But one day, you found your chance. Only him in living room, the others were outside doing different things. Doesn't matters. You took the advantage and courage (of course the courage of a few months thinking about this).

♡ You wasn't totally surprise because you knew about the member, but you hadn't seem any expression so genuinely like this. People tries to support or show that they support you, or they treat you differently (most time in a bad way). But this pookie? Nah. He was just "ok, and?"

♡ "W-what do you mean with 'ok, and?', you already knew it??" you asked with wide eyes, but at the same time you were so greatful for him not turn this a headache.

♡ "No? I mean, good for you, I'll keep calling you the same way as I always did." He said, same expression as if you just told him that you were going to sleep or something like that.

♡ "Thanks. I always feel like if I don't tell, the person will be mad or feel trapped. It happens more than I wish"

♡ "Trapped? What the fuck. Why would I?" You didn't know if was a rhetorical question or you had to answer it, but you just let a light laugh come out.

♡ "Is that all the reason you wanted to tell me you are trans?" He seemed to notice your nervous face.

♡ "Do you... Do you wanna go out with me sometime?" You felt your cheek burning like a fire "y-you don't have to accept, I was just wondering maybe we.. Uhm could-"

♡ "Yes" He coldly (or softly. You were too nervous to notice) said, turning his head away from your look.

♡ "What?" You heard it right?

♡ "Don't make me repeat myself" You thought maybe he was annoyed or impatient, but it wasn't, he was blushing as hell. And when you noticed, you made your way to tease

♡ "Whoa you're so red. Are you running a fever?" You tried your best to hold back your laugh

♡ "Im changing my mind!" His voice was slightly shaking, and you also noticed that, but decided to keep to yourself. It was just so cute seeing him like this!

♥︎ You could see a short smile on his face. Maybe you didn't need to be nervous at all. Everything went right.

Notes from Kyo ♡: Hello again! Well, my "I wanna feel safe and loved" is here, isn't? Two fluffy posts and the same character XD. Now you can suggest anything on my blog, can be anonymous too, feel free.

Here a list about what I do and what I don't:

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: vacation edition

— strawhats being a cute friend group once again

— male reader, everyone having the tiniest crush on him too but thats only if u swuint (im a very selfindulgent writer sorry)

— also i imagine robin, franky and brook to be older than the rest of hte crew, but not like crazy older. its probably not really relevant, but like mid twenties insead of their thirties and forties LMFAOA the rest of the crew is young twenties

liked by ._.[name], princesanji, and 10k others

dni_nami: pre-7hr flight question, how long until we all start killing each other? everyone place your bets

tagged: ._.[name], freeluffy, and princesanji

uso_pp: we barely made it through the airport without losing luffy, so i'm placing my bet on one hour.

[liked by ._.[name], roro.zoro, and 20 others]

-> dr.law: i'm surprised you even made it through airport security....

-> freeluffy: TOORRAOO YOU SHOULD'VE COME IT WOULDVE BEEN SO FUNNNN!!!

-> dr.law: hard pass. good luck everyone else.

._.[name]: i think it's gonna be fine !!! what's the worst that can happen tbh

-> dni_nami: i could list 100 reasons why this is gonna go bad and all of them involve luffy.

-> robinkills: [name]'s right, i think this trip is going to be very fun !

liked by roro.zoro, robinkills, and 11k others

freeluffy: [name] rented bikes for us, but he won't let me drive :/

tagged: ._.[name]

SUPERCOLA: good job [name] for saving his life, much appreciated

dni_nami: i'm begging you two to not crash and make the expenses of our trip go up even more

-> princesanji: always thinking logically, nami, this is why i love you so much <333333333333333

roro.zoro: pick up some sake otw back

-> ._.[name]: yesyesyes we all know thats the only reason why you came anyway, i'll pick some up

-> roro.zoro: what. no way. i definitely wanted to be sat on a hours long flight next to luffy and be living in a small apartment with all of my friends who dont know how to speak quietly and wont let me sleep even when its already early morning. what. i am so excited to be here.

-> uso_pp: alright we get it please stop

liked by princesanji, SUPERCOLA, and 8k others

robinkills: thank you [name] for winning me the prizes :)

tagged: ._.[name]

._.[name]: anything for you robin <3 aka the person thats keeping all of us sane right now <3

princesanji: HOW DARE THIS BAFFOON STEAL YOU AWAY ROBIN PLEASE LET ME TAKE CARE OF HIM, I WILL MAKE SURE HE NEVER BOTHERS YOU AGAIN

-> uso_pp: when is sanji going to accept the fact that [name] is actually apart of this friend group and that he is also more favored by the women we interact with

-> ._.[name]: dw usopp he only puts on a hard front, he ltr begged me to room with him so he could cuddle w me at night. he's just being shy rn

[liked by dni_nami, roro.zoro, and 40 others]

freeluffy: [NAME] [NAME] DID YOU GET ME THEONE I WANTED TOO??!?!?! REMEMBER I SHOWED YOU

-> ._.[name]: yes luffy :) we are otw back and i have the one you asked for as well.

-> SUPERCOLA: [name] the absolute goat in dealing with luffy and his absurd requests so the rest of us dont have to

liked by freeluffy, roro.zoro, ._.[name], and 9k others

uso_pp: morning debrief where we all share embarrassing stories, like how [name] almost stripped completely naked drunk last night because an ice spice song was playing on the karaoke.

._.[name]: alright genuinely why the fuck did that have to be the caption you put on the internet for the whole world to see

-> roro.zoro: no dont be embarassed [name] it was funny watching you try and copy her signature pose

[liked by dni_nami, robinkills, and 90 others]

-> dni_nami: don't think about even crossing me in the future, i have a video of the whole thing bby

-> ._.[name]: GOD FORBID A GUY HAS FUN

skullnsoul: i found [name]'s dancing and singing quite endearing

-> ._.[name]: thank you brook :') you're so sweet

-> skullnsoul: yes, although i feel like you're much too old to be wearing underwear with hearts as the print, [name]. i suggest buying new pairs of boxers :)

-> ._.[name]: what the actual fuck

liked by princesanji, uso_pp, and 11k others

dni_nami: i really wish you could hear sanji cursing [name] outin this photo

tagged: princesanji and ._.[name]

._.[name]: me when im literally following the instructions that hes telling me and i somehow still get yelled at

-> princesanji: do you even understand hwo cooking meat works? everyone would have gotten salmonella and food poisoning if i didn't teach you how

->._.[name]: yelling is never the answer sanji

-> freeluffy: I THINK [NAME]'S COOKING TASTED REALLY GOOD

uso_pp: they acc cookeedddd tho like our food was so tastyyy

[liked by princesanji, ._.[name], and 9 others]

robinklills: sanji almost shoved [name]'s head into the griller, it was funny

-> ._.[name]: HE WHAT ??!?!?! I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THAT HE TRIED DOING THA TWHAT THE FUCK

liked by princesanji, ._.[name], and 12k others

roro.zoro: [name] told me to post this photo he took.

tagged: princesanji and ._.[name]

dni_nami: awww look all the boys finally getting along

[liked by robinkills, uso_pp, vivi, and 50 others]

-> princesanji: i would have much rather been in your presence my queen, i love you so much

-> ._.[name]: sanjii give up the bit for fucks sake

uso_pp: where was me and luffy's inv ??? ig its like that now ....

-> roro.zoro: you guys were playing mermaids in the pool at the apartment and explicitly told us to not interfere with your serious business

-> princesanji: and then you started getting mad at us for invitig you again right before we left

._.[name]: damn zoro u lookin mad fine in this photo shiiiitttt #smash

-> roro.zoro: i need you to make sure your door is locked later tn or else i cant promise you will wake up the next day

liked by dni_nami, vivi, roro.zoro, and 12k others

._.[name]: thank u nami for the photos

tagged: dni_nami

._.[name]: btw nami made me post this w that caption so it could "scare away the hoes"

-> dni_nami: im doing them a favor, they just dont know it yet cuz ur fucking insane

-> uso_pp: LMFAOAO

purrrona: can i bite it?

-> ._.[name]: BITE WHAT?????

-> purrrona: so is that a yes or a no?

-> uso_pp: professional dick rider alert !!!!

roro.zoro: why is your thirst trap the first thing i have to see when i open this app

-> ._.[name]: why are you acting like you weren't the first person to like this post???

[liked by dni_nami, robinkills, and 57 others]

portgasace: WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT INVITED ON THIS TRIP?????

dr.law: id also like to thank nami for the photos

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 13

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

SUMMARY: You moved to Seoul to start over after a bad experience, and everything seems to be going well, you even manage to work for HYBE. You discover, however, that you owe them almost a billion won, money you don't have and don't know how to recover: but don't worry because Hybe itself offers you a solution.

Your body in exchange for paying off your debt.

Do you accept?

TRAILER 1

TRAILER 2

PREVIOUS CHAPTER:

FIRST CHAPTER:

The truth is that I am not immune to Niki's charms either, but I have to resist. I don't do it for Heeseung, I do it because it feels right.

"Niki...do you really want things to be like this between us?" I ask him, motionless, as he continues kissing my neck, my shoulders, cupping my breasts with his large hands.

"Why? - He pauses for a second, laughing. - Did you think it would go differently?"

The driver must really be a pervert, the way he keeps glancing at me from the mirror. Okay, I have to keep calm but mostly I have to talk some sense into him: beyond all that, he's a kid, I don't feel comfortable at all.

"Noona - he says, lifting his gaze to me - I'll be good... I won't treat you like Heeseung or Sunghoon, can you just trust me?"

How does his voice, so dark, say things like that while he has the expression of a sadist printed on his face? Fucking Riki, you put me in serious trouble.

"It's not that. You're too young..."

He trails off, annoyed. "But excuse me, in your country in what year do you come of age?"

I look at him surprised as I reflect. "Eighteen..."

"Then it would be perfectly legal!"

"Im not worried about the legal thing right now - I sigh in frustration, adjusting the neckline of my shirt - if you want to force me to do it I will, but know that's not what I want."

Will it end like it did with Heeseung? Will I give in to the next temptation with Riki as well? I hope not, I'm already in a lot of trouble.

"Noona... I think I will force you. But it bothers me that you would then be angry with me."

Is he serious? Heavens, I really can't find his face cute now. "R-Riki...it's not easy for me to refuse you either."

He crosses his legs, huffing and looking offendedly toward the window. "Then don't do it."

"Really..."

"Anyway, don't think you've won. - He says and I'm very puzzled. - I never lose."

I smile tiredly, perhaps it is true that this is all a game, everyone plays their own personal game, everyone makes choices that inevitably affect the course of history, everyone follows a strategy. Perhaps the only one who has not implemented any strategy is me.

"Riki, am I pretty? - I ask him after a few minutes of silence. - Why do you want to sleep with me? Honestly...doesn't it bother you to know that I have also been with your friends?"

Niki doesn't even turn around, just sighs. "I am not like them, and they are not my friends."

It breaks my heart to hear him say such things, he is different from the little boy in I-Land, he is dark as a forest at night, it is not only his deep voice that makes me think so. Looking at him closely, even though he almost turns the back of his head to me, I can see that his face is sad.

"Has he always been like this?" It comes naturally to me to ask.

The japanese boy sighs again. "I've never forgiven them, so I guess so."

Oh no, my heart is broken in earnest now. His voice... Is so sad, his beautiful eyes are so sad. My chest is trembling, my body is shaking, and honestly I feel my eyes are wet too, it's crazy. I dry them immediately, I don't want him to see it.

"The point is that you allow them to do everything to you - he says, turning to me - but with me you hide behind the nonsense of age."

"You haven't answered me - I try to keep my attention, before losing myself in desire. - Am I pretty? Is that why you want to... do it with me? Or is it because you think it's your right?"

"What do you care? - He asks annoyed. - You can't refuse anyway."

"Then why did you stop?"

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Can I continue?"

"N-No. I mean, if I can't refuse why don't you force me?"

"Noona - he interrupts me, in a very serious tone - stop saying these things, it's already hard. - He points to his erection with his eyes. - I'm not even a patient type."

I cough nervously, looking away since I've blatantly looked in the direction of his cock. "I-I don't think you're that kind of person, I mean this..."

"Just because I was nice to you a couple of times? - He asks again amused. - Don't get any ideas, I only let it go because we're coming soon. I told you noona, I never lose."

I petrify, I freeze, I paralyze. Did I really assume that Riki... or rather, Niki, was different from them? Did I really underestimate the fact that he is still and always a man?

I spontaneously think about telling to Heeseung, but maybe that's not a good idea. Even if this kid acts like this, I'm sure the boys in the band hurt Riki a lot, and that's why I'm angry with them. They should be united, helpful, kind to the younger one, a foreigner to boot!

After a while the driver stops, Niki gets off for about five minutes, which makes me think it was a somewhat questionable encounter, partly because the boy keeps a plastic bag in his jeans pocket when he returns.

I know because he pulls it out after the car starts up again, stuffs it into his boxers in front of me.

"Riki! - I feel like calling him back, spontaneously. - Don't tell me that..."

"Don't worry about things that don't concern you, and try not to tell your friend."

"Of course I wouldn't! What do you think? I care about you all."

The japanese boy turns to me, smiles as if almost pitying me. "Even though we are all so horrible?"

Unfortunately, yes.

"I'm sorry if you've suffered over the years." I say suddenly, completely heartbroken.

He looks at me in silence, perhaps not expecting it.

"You know, I've thought many times that if I could have made a wish I would have asked to go back to the day I arrived home, however, now . - I smile, bitterly - I think I would ask that everyone had treated you kindly. Maybe because deep down I knew it too."

I'm sorry Riki, you who were just a hyperactive kid, with eyes full of passion, drive, and lots and lots of talent. You who were always so unique, so positively eccentric, you didn't deserve this.

Nobody deserves this.

I would like to caress his face and hug him, but I don't want to misunderstand. I really, from him, don't want anything.

"Thank you. - He tells me after so many seconds that I thought he would never speak again. - Thank you... for noticing."

Oh no, I can't contain the tears, it's obvious but I don't want him to see me cry, so I simply turn away. I wipe them away but they keep coming out, I feel like a fool, my heart explodes and it's like it's clamped around a vice.

"Noona, don't cry. - Says Riki, grabbing my shoulder. - I'm not so good-looking if I start crying too."

I look at him, wow... he managed to make me feel better in just one second. "In my opinion, you're handsome even if you cry."

The boy sketches a half smile before wiping the tears on my cheek with his thumb. "Let's hope you never find out, I always want to be handsome in your eyes."

Oh no. He can't take advantage of the fact that I am so vulnerable to get to his ends! If he says things like that, he's no help at all.

"Noona, I want to tell you the truth - he sighs as if he is about to say something unpleasant - this will not change today's plan."

"Huh?"

"I think you're a nice person - he says, stroking my cheek and smiling - I got that impression right away. I expected you to scream, to cry, but you remained composed."

I stare into his eyes briefly, then have to look away or my chest will explode. "I did it because I was ashamed since I met you all under these circumstances, not because I am a good person."

"Shy people who feel ashamed - says the boy, smiling sadly, - I don't remember them since I've been in this environment."

What is he getting at? And why is it that while he is telling me things like this, he keeps claiming that he will go ahead with his plan? With his intentions?

"Then why do you want to do it anyway?"

"Cause you aren't pretty, you're beautiful noona - he says, as if it were obvious - we are colleagues. You may have already forgotten because those idiots tormented you, but you are here to help me get better... physically."

I swallow upset. "However..."

"Having fun together won't stop us from becoming friends, if that's what you want. - Sigh Niki. - I told you, I like you as a person too, but I can't and won't give that up."

What is he saying? Can it really be done? Could we become friends anyway? No, that's not the point! Riki suddenly caresses me, again, this time, however, I shudder and back up in my seat.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful not to make you fall in love with me." He says, laughing.

"We're here." The driver speaks for the first time, and I must say he has the voice of a mature man indeed.

The singer looks out the tinted window and nods. "Yes, should be here."

"Who are we having lunch with, Riki?" I ask then, puzzled.

He laughs again and my doubts increase. "You'll like it."

"A-Are they celebrities?"

"Does it seem possible that I hang out with ordinary people?"

Oh no, then they really are.

After the driver parks in the club's private parking lot, which I have only seen from the outside, he gets out of the car to open the door for Niki. I get out, too.

"Mr. Nam - Riki seems to scold him after getting out - first you open the door for the ladies."

The man coughs, looking annoyed. "I thought you wanted to do it."

The young man does not respond and sets off, I follow him and see that the driver remains leaning against the car, he is not coming with us and it was obvious, but I don't know why this surprised me. Maybe because he looks just like the secretary of the young CEO of a kdrama.

"They cook japanese here. Do you like sushi?" He asks me as we go upstairs.

I look around surprised, everything is lavishly decorated, plus the customers all look like rich people. They are wearing designer clothes, they are beautiful and groomed like celebrities and maybe some of them really are, I feel like a fish out of water, also I feel very embarrassed to show up dressed like that.

"Don't you like it?" He asks me again, after a few seconds, as we wait for someone from the staff to vacate to greet us.

"Huh? N-No, I love sushi!"

"Really?"

I nod awkwardly. "I've always been fascinated by japanese culture, since I was obsessed with games, anime and manga as a kid, I wanted to know more about Japan."

He doesn't say anything, just stands watching me in silence until the beautiful waitress arrives. "Mr. Nishimura." She says, in a shy little voice, looking at him spellbound.

How can I blame her. Niki notices her only after a few seconds, as if she is reflecting on what I said. "Ah... yes, there is a reservation Choi, it should be room 7."

She nods, not giving me a glance as she waves for him to follow her. As we walk through the corridors of this beautiful place, I can't help but look at the wonderful paintings on the walls, they seem to date back several centuries and look like originals, given how preciously they are kept in these glass cases that cover them.

"It's been a long time since we've seen it. We're really glad...I'm really, really happy too..." smiles the girl, as enthusiastic as a fan.

"Have the other two arrived yet?" Riki asks, brutally ignoring her words.

I naturally hit him on the shoulders. "Yah! Didn't you hear what she said?" I scold him.

Niki stops and stares at me, not angry but confused. "What did I do?"

"She said something you should have thanked her for." I explain, in front of her who, however, looks at me irate.

Now I'm the one wondering what I did wrong.

"H-how dare you? - She tells me, I am genuinely shocked by this. - N-N-Not... you mustn't allow yourself!" She just says, I can tell she's too nervous to even speak, maybe because in front of Niki, but I didn't quite understand what I did to offend her.

"Excuse me?" I ask confused.

"I don't... I don't need d-your help. Mind your own business."

Now I slap her across the face. No, okay, calm down Amanda.

"Are you done, Shinhye?" Riki asks, surprising me.

He knows her name, and his tone is very informal. "W-who is she? She's n-not even famous."

The boy snorts impatiently. "Will you accompany us or shall I have someone else call?"

Yes, the two know each other. I look at Riki surprised he snorts again.

She resumes walking in silence and eventually accompanies us to

Room 7, a private room. When she walks away, I see Riki nervously scratching the back of his head before entering.

"Have you been with her?" I ask him.

"A few times."

"But she's like 30!" I become alarmed, like a worried older sister.

"She's cute, though, isn't she? And I like older girls anyway." He says, leaving me petrified as he opens the door.

The situation obviously could only get worse: I see Yeonjun and Soobin sitting at the table, yes, them, from TXT.

He had said he didn't want to harass me, like the others, but that's exactly what he just did. He comes in, I stay in front of the door, he notices, looks at me and laughs.

"Noona, won't you come in?"

"W-Why them?" I just ask.

"Did you really think you were twisting everything just to make Heeseung happy? Noona, don't think of stupid things - he says, still laughing, sadistically. I feel naked right now. - I will always treat you well, but don't ever think you can be his. He's won a little too much, hasn't he?"

He.... really is a crazy kid.

It's not because of Heeseung that I said no to him, but why don't I deny it? Maybe because deep down, that's why, too? The point is that I just wanted to spend time normally with him... but since they are there, knowing that I am a host, I just can't do that. But Heeseung? Why is he talking about him?

Heeseung is not a nice person. I don't like him. It's not for him that I'm doing this but...

"I have nothing to do with him." I tell him through clenched teeth.

He smiles. "Do you know how many people in Korea have his number? - He pauses briefly as if to give me time to think about it, I lower my gaze in confusion. - I don't think he's really interested in you, though.... surely he wants to take possession of you, your body, and just for fun even your heart."

It hurts me what he says, but it shouldn't. "But what are you saying, Riki?"

"I'm doing this for your sake. You don't know him, he will always ask more of you."

I don't understand any more, my head is spinning. Even though we spoke softly, on the doorstep, I'm afraid those two heard us. Soobin is busy on his phone, but Yeonjun looks at us amused.

I feel really anxious.

"Although it won't seem real to you, given what's going to happen - says Riki, looking toward his friends - you're safe with me noona. If you trust me, you'll have more fun."

"Riki..." I don't know what to say.

"Are you two done? What, you don't want to have lunch with us?" Yeonjun calls us right back.

I sigh and prooced, defeat. I sit between Niki and Soobin, voluntarily putting myself far away from Yeonjun, who, however, is standing right in front of me. I try to look away, I'm not even listening to the conversation, I haven't even said hello.

"Did you bring her with you?" Cuts Soobin short, putting down his cell phone.

"Aren't you happy?" Riki smiles, carefree.

Yeonjun sensually curls his lips as he turns to me. "And are you happy?"

"Not at all." I reply, annoyed.

Heeseung may be a bastard, and he probably hurt Riki, but whatever Yeonjun is no better than him. Someone who enjoys rubbishing each other's insecurities with the intention of humiliating him cannot be a good person.

"How nice, you look different from last time." Soobin comments, drinking some water.

I lift my gaze annoyed but also inevitably honored to hear him say that, damn, he's really nice too. "There's no mask now, so I can be myself." I admit, bitterly amused.

"What masks? Are you saying that because you are a host?" Yeonjun asks.

Niki doesn't care for the conversation, looking over the restaurant menu. "Yes, now..."

"Isn't that a good thing? - He interrupts me, the boy from the other band. - This way you don't have to pretend you don't want to fuck with all of us. If you want to, we can just do it."

I look at Riki terrified but he doesn't give me a glance, and this not only annoys me but also worries me a lot. What does he mean? Isn't this going to be an ambush like Heeseung's?

"What do you want to eat, noona?" The japanese young man asks.

I look at him confused, he doesn't look at me but seems serene. "I would like to go home."

"During my shift, I choose what to do." He replies, relaxed.

I swallow terrified now, look at Yeonjun who is smiling, Soobin too! Why am I standing here? Why has the situation become so strange? What should I do now?

"R-Riki..."

"Noona trust me, nothing bad will happen to you." Having sensed that I am uncomfortable, that I am worried, he tries to reassure me failing miserably.

"Riki, I don't like... this." I tell him, my voice trembling.

"I'll have sashimi! All kinds." Exclaims the blond, Soobin, delighted.

"Do you like sashimi, noona?" Riki asks me again, looking at the menu.

I don't answer. Damn. Although my mouth keeps trying to reason with him, my mind, my belly, wishes for him to continue. This situation, unnaturally erotic and above all unbelievable, makes me horny.

"You should try ramen." Yeonjun says.

I swallow again, my mouth dry. I try to pour myself some water but Soobin anticipates me, grabbing the pitcher for me and pouring it into my glass. I thank with a quick nod, looking down low.

"Call me oppa, like you did to Yeonjun last time." Says the TXT leader.

is sobin, right? lol

I mumble offended, I won't. I don't even remember saying it. "No thanks?"

"You scared her - Soobin laughs, looking at his friend, "she was a fan of ours before you scared her."

Yeonjun smiles, shifting his gaze to the open menu on the table. "Instead, I think Heeseung has her stocky, that's why she's so nervous."

"Can't you keep it out of your talk?" It comes naturally to me to ask.

This time Niki lifts his gaze, and he doesn't look pleased. He looks at me, then snorts and returns to the menu. "No need to get worked up, noona. Nothing will change."

What does that mean? I know that even if I asked he wouldn't answer me directly, and I'm really still convinced that I'm going to refuse whatever is offered, but...seriously, it's hard while sitting at Yeonjun, Soobin, and Riki fucking Nishimura's table.

I can always ask Heeseung for help, but should I? Not to mention that if he knew, Sunghoon would never stop annoying me. What to do? What to do?

A good-looking young waiter enters the room; he is here to take orders. They all seem calm as they list the various dishes, but when the young man turns to me who haven't even opened the menu, they all seem to get a little tense: maybe they're afraid I might accuse them in front of this guy?

No, I'm not that crazy.

After all....

"What do you want to eat?" Riki asks me.

"I'm not hungry." I answer, annoyed. Actually, in the heat of thinking about sushi, sashimi, uramaki.... yes, I'm actually lying.

"Make a tasting course of everything - Soobin says confidently - do you like sashimi? Caviar? Or do you prefer cooked foods?"

"I...I like raw fish." I admit, under my breath, pouting.

I see out of the corner of my eye Yeonjun chuckle. "Yes, make it a mostly raw fish course, but put in some other stuff too. Some carbohydrates, the chef knows what we like."

"What would you like to drink?"

"I want this - says Yeonjun, pointing to the menu - two ... or three?" He asks the rest of the table.

"Make that two of those and a Brunello di Montalcino." Riki says, surprising me since it is an Italian wine and he even pronounced it right.

"I'll be right there." Says the waiter finally making a respectful bow before leaving the room, I stay staring in this direction for a long time.

"Have you ever tried it?" The japanese boy asks me.

I was sure it was a coincidence, but perhaps not. "What? The wine?"

"Yes."

"Why? Are you Italian?" Soobin then asks.

"Yes, it is." Yeonjun replies.

I glare at him. "I didn't even know it existed, however, I understood the name to be italian."

"I suspected so, since it costs two million won."

The blond boy, Soobin, glares at him. "Are you buying?"

"What cheap hyung." Riki mutters.

"They'll take a while, right? - Yeonjun suddenly asks, especially catching the attention of the other two. He picked up a pack of cigarettes, put one between his lips, and now looks at me. - I'm still not hungry... I should get some exercise?"

"Why don't you have a joint, t-then?" I wanted to sound tough, I wanted to sound stubborn and strong, but I ended up stuttering, making him laugh.

By now I can no longer misunderstand, I realized that everyone only thinks of one thing but deep down I don't even criticize them. When what's around you is beautiful, you want to appropriate it, you want to follow your instincts, and I understand that well since I find it really hard to resist these three, but...

Am I one of these things? In this life, can I simply be myself and not have to pay terrifying consequences?

I'm afraid not.

Yeonjun takes a long drag from his Marlboro Gold, then blows the smoke in my face. "Do you want to smoke?"

"No..." I sigh, but why do I keep answering him?

"Yah, don't smoke with the windows closed." Soobin moans and coughs, getting up from his chair.

I look at Niki, who is also looking at me. "What's up, noona?"

The blond man continues to approach, Yeonjun has also stood up, and they both come toward me. I get up too, backing away spontaneously, my body knows it's in danger.

"W-What are you doing?"

"In Italy you greet each other with kisses, don't you? - Laughs Yeonjun, who has already reached out and grabbed my wrist. - We didn't greet each other properly."

"Riki! - I call to him, as Soobin grabs my other wrist. - What are they doing? What do they want?"

"Just saying hello." He says, in an amused tone.

In the backpack my cell phone suddenly and providentially rings, and there are two possibilities: either it's Ester, or it's Heeseung. I should hope it's the latter, but in a way, as Yeonjun looks at me with thinned eyes and Soobin smiles sensually at me, maybe I hope it's Ester.

Riki gets up and without asking permission takes it, but doesn't look inside the bag. He sticks his hand in it until he finds it, but he shouldn't anyway.

"Star...boy? - He asks, amused. - Is that how he marked himself?"

"But who? The asshole?" Yeonjun also asks, laughing.

Soobin has suddenly placed his lips on my neck, tickling me, but I am forced to clench my thighs to put pressure on my pussy so as to stimulate it. I am horny and don't really react lucidly.

"Should I respond?" How the japanese amuses himself.

Even the little friend, the oldest of them all, is just amused. "No, we'll call him back in a while so he can hear."

It is a proposal, it's a very lucid plan. These-these guys are sadists, I feel like I'm inside a video game, it's like a confusing, random sea battle, with a good dose of stupidity.

Soobin licks my fucking earlobe, I'm shaking.

"Come on. Call me oppa."

"N.. - I try to say, but just then Yeonjun starts squeezing my nipple with his index finger and thumb, turning it, as if playing with it, my knees almost give out though. - Stop..."

"Shall I push him away?" Soobin whispers in my ear.

What is it with this guy today? I really find him irresistible.

"Yah! I'm even older, you can't do anything."

Soobin chuckles, then with his lips bites my neck as his hand slides between my thighs. "Ah...you're also wet...then it's not true that you don't want to."

Niki laughs, I want to kill him but I'm not lucid enough to focus on that as Soobin is using his fingers on my clit, while Yeonjun licks, bites, and sucks my nipples.

"Aish... noona, you are so shameless." Says Riki, hearing me panting because of these two.

How nice, I love the scent of their skin, their hair, I love how we have different touches...similar to Heeseung's and.... Sunghoon... maybe?

Soobin is actually a little more delicate, but thinking about it and that's how I imagine it is to do it in a normal way with Sunghoon. Elegant, irresistible.

"Y-You like whatc... ah! - I exclaim, when Soobin slipped a finger inside me, fuck...it's...I simply want more and more. - Watching.. w-while.. I being fucked?"

Oh fuck. Riki Nishimura, this gorgeous guy, he bites his lip in front of me and I feel like I'm losing control, especially after I see him touching his crotch, swollen, visibly swollen.

"And you like to have everyone use you? All the time?" He asks, as his cock becomes more and more evidently outlined.

Soobin laughs, Yeonjun too. "You are all... pigs."

"But you are the sluttiest." Says the older man, biting my ear.

I gasp as Soobin sticks his second finger in.

"Now I'm going to call Heeseung hyung. - Riki laughs, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling out something extraordinary, perhaps the most legendary creature ever spotted: an anaconda. - Talk to it, you can even tell it everything."

"R-R... Ri... - I can't speak, Soobin's hand vibrates like sex toys, I feel like I'm going crazy, and then Yeonjun is practically undressing me. - Ri...Riki.... no..."

"Noona - he says, moving closer. - You should understand me."

"N-No I don't understand you!"

"Let's make him despair a little since he likes you so much."

"He... - I gasp, already tired, I don't know how Soobin can maintain this pace without getting tired -- He..he doesn't...like me..." I say that my voice trembles unnaturally.

"Of course not - Riki replies - he only targeted you because Sunghoon likes you." He says this with such serenity.

"Really?" Yeonjun asks, breaking away from my skin.

"Yes, he has really lost his mind."

But what is he saying? He hasn't understood a thing. No...even if Heeseung is terrible, it can't be as he says, and it's not true that Sunghoon likes me, it's not true that he has lost his mind. It doesn't make sense, but I'm too involved.

"But... R...Riki..."

"But isn't Sunghoon dating Wonyoung? He seemed like a jerk but I didn't think so with girls too." Soobin asks, equally quiet as his hand automatically moves like a crank.

"Indeed it's strange." Admits the japanese man.

"We can still call him, though." Remember Yeonjun, what a bastard.

In my almost unconscious state, I didn't even notice that Niki has.... Niki beat all his hyung, for sure. His... dick.. is really long, big, he could grab it with both hands and it still wouldn't cover him.

It can't be that serious, I'm obviously dreaming.

These damn idols. Who designs them like this?

Niki picks up my phone, however he notices that has to enter the code and looks at me. I am still in the hands of these two who use me as they wish, while Yeonjun has lifted my shirt and now, favored by Soobin who has finally stopped his hand, pulls down my shorts skirt.

Fuck, I am completely naked, on my breasts and between my legs, in front of their ravenous eyes, the idiotic eyes of two horny men. I must be an idiot, too, because I damn well am one, too.

"Please Riki, don't call-ah! - I gasp, after Yeonjun sticks his head between my legs, starting to lick me really intensely. Oh my god. - Don't... Don't..."

"If you don't want him to find out - says the little bastard boy, masturbating shamelessly in front of me - don't moan."

I know, I'm a horrible person, he's just a little boy, and I shouldn't even have the thought to look at him, to watch his tense expression as he bites his lips, emitting small, guttural breaths of pleasure.

"What's the code?" He asks in concentration.

"N..I won't tell you!" I gasp, desperate, as my knees now give way in earnest because of Yeonjun, but they both hold me up so that I don't fall.

"You don't want me to tell them to go hard, do you?" He asks, smiling as he continues to touch himself. Jesus.

"Ri...ki... you said...t-that..."

"You should call him." Soobin proposes, as he kisses my neck and is so good at it.

"Maybe I should."

"N-No!" I try to say, again, but Yeonjun is eating me up, squeezing my buttocks to get closer to his face, and it seems really impossible for me to resist him now.

My humors are running down the sides of his mouth, he is not disgusted, in fact he continues with more eagerness. I can't help thinking about when Heeseung did it, the way Yeonjun touches me is very similar to his, but less aggressive.

And Soobin, too, who uses his lips to bite and kiss me, never coming close to my lips, can't help but remind me of Sunghoon, who wouldn't kiss me until the very end last night.

Riki smiles amusedly. "You're enjoying this so much, aren't you, noona? You make me feel jealous."

He says this as Yeonjun sticks his fingers in, continuing to lick. "A-Ah... Riki..." I call out to him, but I don't know what I want to say.

He looks at me in silence, then starts the call.

He puts it on speakerphone, brings it closer to me. Heeseung doesn't answer right away, he lets it ring three times as I try to compose myself terrified, but also unable to push Yeonjun away. No, I don't want to and should not point this out to him.

Maybe Niki is right, and he is faking it, but if not, knowing about Yeonjun and me would really hurt. I don't want to see him sad, even if he's just pretending to be sad.

"Where are you? - The older asks after taking the call.

Niki mumbles, it makes him laugh to look at me. He pulls the phone closer to me, I breathe as quietly as possible. - Yah, did you call me not to talk?"

Niki sneers but when he meets my gaze he seems to become strangely serious. "Hyung, why did you call Amanda? And why did you give her your number?" He asks him, continuing to touch himself.

"Does it concern you? Where is she?"

"Here, next to me." Says the younger.

Soobin chuckles, but fortunately Heeseung doesn't seem to notice. "Why doesn't she answer me? Put her on."

"Noona, Heeseung wants to talk to you." He says, as if nothing is wrong, bringing the cell phone closer to my mouth.

I bite my lips hard as Yeonjun uses his two fingers to make me enjoy more and more, I can't even move freely because Soobin is sucking my breasts, kneading them.

"Where are you?" Heeseung asks again, as I do not answer.

I breathe through my nose, but it's hard to contain the moans, it's hard to speak normally. "At...lunch..." I whisper, avoiding as much as possible to expose my real voice.

"Why are you talking so quietly? What's going on?"

"No ... it's just t..that ... - I bite my lip even harder, because Yeonjun has started sucking my clitoris and seriously, it's wonderful, but I can't do that to Heeseung, so I force myself. - It's all... good..."

"Where are you? Don't make me ask again."

"I don't know... - fuck, a really suspicious sigh comes out of me, he seems to notice since he remains voluntarily silent - what's its name..."

"Is Niki doing something to you? You had... You had said..."

"What had you said?" Niki then asks.

"No! N-No, isn't...anything!" I say this before plugging my mouth, with both hands, Yeonjun continues but Soobin has moved away to unbutton his jeans.

No, it can't end like this, not again. But I don't want Heeseung to hear either, I don't want him to know, no matter what.

(Wow... his dick is really impressive, too.)

"Really? Can you swear that Niki is not touching you now?" He asks, in the tone of someone who sounds really nervous.

"T-To swear!" I reply in a rush, after all, it's true.

Heeseung remains silent several seconds, then sighs. "When... when are you coming back?" His voice is different, it sounds like-he believed me.

Although I am literally losing consciousness because of Yeonjun, I still have an ounce of energy to be pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He... he believed me, even though I technically did not lie.

Niki pulls the phone away from me, looking annoyed. "I'm hanging up hyung, have a nice day." Then he ends the call while looking at me expressionless.

I look away. "Are you... - panting, tired - happy?"

"Not much - he snorts, watching as Soobin grabs my wrist to bring it closer to his arousal. - That's enough now, hyung."

"What?" Soobin asks surprised and also amused, he has already started using my hand to masturbate -- wow, that's really thick.

"You got it, that's enough now."

"But if I haven't even come." He answers very, very honestly.

Yeonjun doesn't give a shit, he keeps devouring me and I keep enjoying because of him. He seems to have found a taste for it.

The waiter who has been taking orders enters the room, along with a cart. He does not immediately notice what is going on at the edge of the room, but when he does, he is paralyzed.

"No knocking?" Soobin asks, visibly irritated, looking him seriously in the eyes as he pleasures himself with my hand in front of him.

"I-I apologize. It was not my...intention...I'm very sorry. I'll leave now!" He says, bowing.

Riki watches him in silence a few seconds, then smiles. "You're here now, finish your work."

This choice pleases the two boys very much, as while the young waiter is setting up the table, casting curious but also frightened glances at me, the two singers continue to blatantly harass me. Soobin uses my hand to enjoy, Yeonjun offers me his tongue to do the same, all while I just can't contain myself.

Even being watched and humiliated like this, I enjoy it. It's terrible.

"Noona stop moaning like that - says Riki, biting the corner of his mouth in amusement - you're getting the waiter hard too."

He changed his mind quickly, the little boy.

When the staff boy is done, he quickly heads for the exit but Soobin, who didn't seem to be focused on him at all since he keeps looking at me, groping me while physically forcing me to masturbate him, calls out to him.

"You're not going to say anything, right? - He asks him. - You're not even to look at her face, understand? That way you'll forget it right away."

"A-absolutely yes sir."

"Good, now get out. "

He executes and I see Riki observing his hyung quite surprised. "That's enough now, though."

"What?" Soobin asks again.

Yeonjun also pulls away this time and I feel like I can catch my breath. "What?" He also sidles up.

"It seems to me that noona has come enough." He says, as if it were a very normal speech.

"Wait, is that what you meant?"

Yeonjun wipes his mouth, covered in my humors. "No, I want to fuck her."

"Don't think about it." Sighs Riki, quietly moving closer to me and putting my clothes back on.

I feel like I'm about to collapse, to pass out. I am rehearsed by the intensity of the pleasure Yeonjun and partly Soobin have given me, but I am shocked, to say the least, by this unexpected turn of events. Niki..... no, Riki changed his mind.

Did he do it for me or for him? Certainly not for Heeseung. What if he saw this coming from the beginning? No, he couldn't have known things would turn out this way... he couldn't have done it for me. It's a strange thing to "give" to someone.

"What the fuck?" Complains Yeonjun, who has been kneeling until now and getting up has taken to stretching.

"Sorry noona, were they too rough?" He asks, in that deep voice of his.

I take a step toward him, unintentionally, but he opens his arms, as if he is giving me permission to access them and it appears to me as a solid wall to lean against, I am clearly flattered and shaken by this. I want to hug him but.... maybe I shouldn't.

"Are you tired? You can lean in." He tells me.

I swallow as I stare at him probably looking exhausted. "Don't be nice to me, Riki."

He twists his lips, as if considering what to say. "I will be because I want you to be nice to me."

Damn kid, your words... they make me feel good, and because of that, I feel terribly bad right after. Riki you are absurd, I just don't understand you, but even so... I seriously collapse in his arms.

He holds me, he's solid, but he doesn't hold me. To me, that's fine too. After all, it's already too much anyway.

"Why did you make them stop?" I ask with my face resting against his really wide, really hard chest.

"I didn't think it would bother me. Right now, though, I just want to fuck you alone. I want be the only see you, noona."

I flinch away, me speechless. "Riki!"

"Don't lie noona - he comes closer this time - I saw how you were looking it all the time, you can't wait to ride on it too, can you? - He touches my ear with his lips, I can hear his fucking giggle echoing in my fucking brain, while of course, the blood is pumping hard in my veins. - You were being enjoyed by two others, but you were only looking at my cock. You've never seen one like that have you?" He says this and then walks away, serenely.

"Y-You really are a pervert, you know that?" I look away embarrassed, how did I sustain him the whole time while he was saying those things?

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, you just happened into the wrong dorm."

Yes, I noticed.

today is my birthday so i am giving you a present: post today and not tomorrow! hahahah sorry

more polling, although the same question... since we are further along in the story, i wonder how if the initial percentage has changed

the ending of the story is already decided, and i already have the plot for the next ff

NEXT CHAPTER:

[queenofallimagines]

oh good gods pls your luciferian hcs made me YELL they’re so good lmao i was side eyeing my altar and space for lucifer the WHOLE TIME

do you think you could do a part two? and if possible, nsfw? if not thats more than okay!! thank you and i hope you’re doing so good!!!

🕷️anon

Absolutely 🕷anon! AND LMAO YEAH I COULD FEEL HIM SIDE EYEING ME ACROSS THE ROOM AS I WROTE THESESGSHSJS asking the old man “why are you like this” whenever lucifer in game does something corny😭 ik he’s sick of me

Lucifer:

- Okay so since part 1 was when you arrived this will be more about day to day life in the next term

- Right off the bat I’m imagining minor petty spats that the other brothers are like…. Wtf is going on here

- Like y’all have been glaring across the table at one another for 30 mins and haven’t spoken a word

- WAY more picky w offerings lmao

- Is literally going to be super extra about it for no reason other than to bother you

- For example! When you give an offering to oshun( African orisha they’re like the HR in the heaven department just above the angel hierarchy) you have to eat a little first bc she was poisoned once so it’s like to show you’re in good faith

- Lucifer will ask you to do that w food you don’t like

- “Eat some”

- “I got this for you-“

- “And I want you to taste some😌”

- “….. do I really I have to???”

- “Are you telling me what to do w MY offering🤨”

- MAKE FUN OF HIM PLEASE ITS SO FUNNY!!

- A lot of people ( white peoples I fear😔) be talking about he only accepts blood offerings and you have to sell your soul or whatever and stuff but literally this man will be giddy over a red candle w gold glitter

- Write all your assignments in sparky pen so when he looks at them he can’t hold back a smile

- As a joke you leave crystals associated with him in his coat pockets but he will never take them out

- Congratulations you played ya self

- You doing the stuff you do for him out of habit will fluster him if you say it

- “Why are you waking up so early to get ready?”

- “Hm? For Lucifer”

- “No im not gunna drink this tea it’s an offering🙄”

- Please don’t tell his brothers he will lock himself in his office💀

- Whenever you google “what can I do for Lucifer” 9/10 the first thing will be taking care of yourself

- So when your self caring w asmo and you go “oh I do this bc Lucifer likes it”

- The house will expose in chaos

- Mammon demanding you tell him your card numbers “for him” LMAO

- They’re all super jealous

- Gotta tell em its nothing personal he’s just always been there for you

- Whew if he reached out to YOU?

- The silence in the house REAL LOUD😭

- Belphegor waking up and going “ik you fucking lying!!!”

- You’re all confused like???

- “…..you said Lucifer… reached out to YOU?”

- “??????yeah????”

- “As in… he ASKED you to work with him?”

- “Yeah, I couldn’t stop thinking about his name and he showed up on my door one day”

- Lmao belphie and mammon are the LOUDEST FR

- “YOU CHOSE A HUMAN?? MR I HATE HUMANS BECAUSE THEYRE WEAK??📸”

- OH SO THERES MORE THAN ONE FAKE BITCH IN THIS HOUSE HUH?”

- lmao he’s sitting there red faced clenching his fist like

- “Listen I can explain”

- He cannot explain😭

- Can’t even say he did it on a whim

- “He really picked me up like a wet cat lmao”

- “Mc I am literally begging you to shut the FUCK up”

- Oh maaaaan diavolo will get a Kick out of this!!

- Solomon is very salty

- “But I can’t get a pact😒😒”

- He’s literally going to double down and bother him more

- “Lucifer you never told me you were taking on disciples🥺”

- “I didn’t think it was that important lord diavolo simply to pass the time”

- Simeon is laughing but internally having the feels bc he’s like 🥹 “even after all this time you still choose to be a guardian angel”

- Will tell you embarrassing stories about him he is now super close to you

- “Lucifer being the lords favorite was also the best one at singing👀 he loved music”

- That’s tru btw lmao Lucifer was like one of the angels who liked singing the most thats what makes humans and angels so alike- love for music and dancing-

- Call him your morning star and he MELTS

- Back to why were really here😌

- Call him that during sex or when you first wake up and he’s on cloud nine

- FUCK HIM DURING GOLDEN HOUR🗣🗣

- He’s literally he rises in the morning for a reason!!

- He will deadass purpose bc imagine riding him as the sun stars peaking over the horizon

- He’s under you moaning looking up at you w the most glazed over love struck eyes

- The sun filtering through the window and hitting him juuuuuuuust right

- That it looks like he has a halo again

- Breathlessly calling your name as you grind down on him

- He barely manages to get out that he’s close before you caress some of his hair out of his face

- “Cum for me then my Morningstar”

- Time freezes for like 16 seconds and his eyes are getting teary

- He hugs you close as he starts rutting his hips into you harder

- Will cum and keep going until he’s about to pass out

- Holding you like a lifeline

- When you can finally breathe and think straight he pulls you in for a kiss

- Literally stealing your breath away

- Will say I love you in the most honest voice ever while smiling at you with teary eyes

- probably won’t stop touching you all day might as well just spend it in bed

-is embarrassed by body worship calling it now

- be HE can do that but if YOU sink to your knees behind his desk and hold eye contact he’s getting nervous

-“just showing my devout gratitude💕”

- embarrassed how fast he finishes

- if you keep doing to overstimulate him he’s putty in your hands

- this man is very soft he will crack at the slightest sign of domestic romance

- bring him coffee when he wakes up?

- he’s already selected a wedding venue

- I always thought it would be cute if he gave you his ring

- HILARIOUS IF HE DOSENT TELL YOU LMAO

- You swing by the celestial realm and it’s crickets and you’re like ??? Fuck is y’all starring at??🤨

- Simeon hums and says that nobody expected lucifer to get married much less to a human. How he was never one to put anything above his responsibilities

- Excuse me?

- “You’re wearing the right of light,yes? He doesn’t just give that to anyone dear. You two are bonded for life now🥰”

- “HELLO????”

[lakesbian]

what are your animorphs thoughts on how the characters have been changing over the course of the series so far? also, do you have a favorite animal moment in the ones you’ve read?

okay this got long due to my rambling so its going under a cut

well i can't say i have any profound analysis on how they've been changing but it's fun...jake rocks because he very rapidly went from "why are you guys saying im the leader im not the leader stop saying im the leader" -> someone has to be the leader, they want it to be me, i'll take the responsibility for making the calls that could get people killed and he Is becoming more repressed and solemn over time about it but he's also great at like. having internal spirals over it and shaking like a leaf and becoming very reactively resentful of both himself for not knowing what to do and everyone else for expecting him to know what to do. & sometimes people are like aww jake it's not your fault but sometimes they yell about how he's the one that got them into this mess so he has to get him out of it while internally regarding him as genuinely being the facade he puts up (<- even marco does this it's dire for jake) so you know. he's not doing so hot. shoutout to when cassie is like so what you're not supposed to be human? and he's like that's exactly right i'm not supposed to be human. it's fucking over for him marco has started calling him Prematurely Middle-Aged. he is turning into brian laborn. i like how they know they can still strategically coerce Whimsy and Immaturity out of him (e.g. 'letting' them sneak into a hollywood concert thing) by appealing to specific teenagerisms of his (shaq will be there).

veryfunny how they. put an arc about tobias navigating [checks notes] accepting his therian identity in the 90s children novels. just straight up. they gave birdboy a stomach-fluttering creeping lack of ability to stay in denial while a higher being was showing him his ideal body moment. They gave birdboy a "rachel is forced to accept who he is and stop solely thinking of him as a human tragically locked away by finding that only appealing to his true self as a red-tailed hawk rather than as a human can bring him out of being lost in a morph" moment. Also, he was autistic about dinosaurs as a child. i fear perhaps he'll have less focus for the rest of the series because his personal arc has like. more or less been sorted already. he's good now. there is the chosen one™️thing coming up still but i like that significantly less than him being just some guy so that's not really exciting. it's nice for him that his life is cool and awesome now though. i will say it's funny how almost every time the animorphs describe each other in their books they're just so wildly off-base (generally in the 'falling for the facade' way but it was funny when marco just confidently rattled off statements about rachels purported secret insecurities that were not even remotely accurate) and with tobias everyone is still like. poor soul. forever trapped in the body of a hawk. and then you cut to tobias and every time he's not in hawk morph he's complaining and bitching and moaning about how he wants to be back in his REAL body with his REAL eyes because they're SO MUCH MORE AWESOME. he's good, guys. he's fine. he's chill.

i am on the. checks notes. second chapter of the Cassie's Spontaneous Mental Break Over Doing Violence book. i like how she had an entire book dedicated to that one specific experience some kids have of being A Kid Who Loves Animals (TM) and then processes that bad things happen all the time in nature + human morality with regards to caring for animals is complicated and biased and gets really distressed about pondering the matter. like you know that type of experience. love that she gets an entire book dedicated to having it. fantastic character trait that she's the most prone out of all of them to having morality debates with herself and distress over the idea of choosing wrong to the point where she genuinely needs someone (marco) to explain to her that inaction is in itself a decision. girl who is very sick and tired of bloodshed, and also keeps accidentally murdering people. remember when she's like [trying 2 joke] i dont want to decide...could you just decide for me jake and jake is like [seriously, completely aware she wasn't kidding on a deeper level] do you Want me to decide for you? it is perhaps most necessary for her over all the other morphs that she gets to Not Be The Person Making The Final Calls. this does not stop her from having increasingly many little moments of nervous breaks before she gets so upset she tries to hard-quit though. should be interesting to see where that goes over the course of the entire series because she has a lot more books to suffer badly through

rachel is like. i think she's the slowest boiling pot here. she's had one (1) moment of really getting snappish about her role being The Brave One but other than that she's largely going "unfortunately i cant stop talking (instinctively immediately calling marco a pussy when he says something is scary and then throwing myself into it to motivate everyone even if i am also so very scared)" and then continuing to play out her role. it's been cute to watch her friendship with marco develop they're by no means each others favorite but they're playful with each other and they're learning how to read each other. i like when rachel is like hmm i think i hear your mom on a submarine and hes like thanks rachel [thinking] if she says youre welcome shes lying to be nice and shes like. Thank you for having better hearing than you? Loser. and hes like oh thank god. it's also very cute when he steals the tv remote while they're all hanging out in a hotel room and acts like he's gonna turn it to baywatch and she gets annoyed and then he puts it to xena warrior princess for her and shes like oh ok :). she is always getting ripped and torn to shreds and almost dying and it may actually be traumatizing the other animorphs marginally more than it traumatizes her. i think thus far my favorite scene with her is when she's traveling with tobias during megamorphs 2

aximili is like. he can be kind of nothing when it's not his book but his characterization is overall really solid. kind of enamored with how much having dinner with cassie impacted him. i want to see more of his developing friendship with tobias...i like how in his head he's like "and we're Best friends :)" without checking to see whether or not tobias also thinks this. deeply deeply funny character in terms of literally being a jock who didnt pay very much attention in school sent back 400 years and expected by everyone he meets there to, like, explain how to invent electricity when all he knows is what electricity is. i think during the dinosaur episode he should have started insufferably asking the other animorphs to explain how to invent a cellphone/water purifier/etc to make a point. bonus points because he comes from a society where being considered more technologically knowledgeable than other warriors is literally a huge diss. he wants to be a jock but he's being considered a nerd by all of his friends just for knowing what is to him basic fact. which obscures the truth that cassie is the real nerd of the group. sad! i disagree with the people who think he's genuinely weird compared to other andalites and not just on earth btw. just a side note. i really like his character development and internal struggles over geopolitics while being Extremely Fifteen. he is fifteen and they are making him undergo the horrors. i would like to see more scenes like where he's invited to dinner at cassie's or where he remembers the dinner at cassie's as smth very fond/important to him but at the same time i can get behind him having a like...undersiders-type relationship to the other animorphs where the connection is simultaneously very superficial and very deep because he wouldn't be in proximity to them if not for Being In A War Together and they don't really have any intimate interactions with him but they still have the intrinsic closeness of constantly fighting for each others lives. i like how he's objectively rachel's least favorite & least trusted and they would still bite claw maim for each other!

marco is becoming increasingly complicated 4 sure. kind of enamored with his character trait where he's completely fine with going "ATTENTION EVERYONE: i am so terrified and scared and afraid that i am shivering and crying hysterically and peeing myself and i've almost fainted as well" but he simultaneously considers the idea of anyone finding out about deeper emotional vulnerabilities of his and pitying him to be intolerable. which kind of clashes in an interesting way w/ how the other animorphs are all pathologically obsessed with the notion that it's fine for anyone Else to be afraid, but They can't be afraid or they're a coward and should be ashamed of themselves. i forgot the specific context but shoutout to when marco fully genuinely says that something is very scary/he's very scared and he wouldn't blame anyone who decided to go home and then cassie projects her own insecurities onto the statement and makes a kind of snippy remark about how she's not going to back down despite the fact that it was in no way targeted at anyone. i like how it's sort of his job to be The Sensible One (although this has shifted over the course of the series now it's more his job to be The Funny One i.e. the emotional medic) but his brain just completely shits out when he's scared and he frequently has to be reminded of common sense things during fights. i like how this does not stop him from being extremely impulsively angry and violent and poorly restrained around things that hit home for him. i like how when jake tries to go "are you ok? asking because you have not made a singular jest and thats worrying to people" marco takes it as "alright fucking fine i'll do better at doing my job and making jokes" instead of emotionally engaging. it's gonna be interesting to see where he goes he's one of the more complicated ones to see the perspective of

[haolovre]

secrets hidden in you

“they all say that park seonghwa, the most popular and dangerous person in the school doesnt have a heart, does he?”

student! ateez

this series can contain:bullying, beating up, blood, fluff, drugs, smoking, swearing

this is all fiction! nothing is real!!

masterlist of this serie

second day

U get woken up by ur alarm, as u growl u got up and went to the bathroom room. u check the clock 7:30 AM. Well u have enough time. U brush ur teeth and shower. then u check the clock 8:00 AM u put your clothes on and went down to eat breakfast. “Honey i made pancakes! U should go at 8:30 so hurry abit before u miss the bus” “mhm alright mom thanks!”

u ate ur breakfast and went to the bus stop. as u were right on time the schoolbus was there. u went to the school bus to see ateez only in the bus. u went to sit in the front as ateez was sitting in the back. “Hey new girl, wanna sit with us” a male voice said. thank goodness u had ur headphones on so u could pretend u couldnt hear them. U heard footsteps coming at u, then ur headphones were taking of “hey! what the fuck was that for” “oh~ so u were listening to music, thats why u didnt answer my question” u looked up who u were talking to.

choi jungho-

“oh im sorry, but my music is pretty loud so i didnt hear u” “ohh~” he smirked “excuses , excuses, excuses. dont have to lie to me” he put your headphones on. He was quite shocked at the music u checked ur phone. now playing: guerilla - halateez. Know u get why he was shocked. He drew the headphones on ur lap and went back to the group. As u were finally at school (well not finally but yk) u thanked the driver and went to the gates to be greeted by sooha. “Heyy girly well haeyoung is sick sadly. People saw newjeans put something in her waterbottle” “naur way poor her hopefully she gets better” u signed “well u still have me! And great news the cheer club had accepted u!!” “oh my days ur kidding” “im not~ well we both have the same classes but the training is today at 5:00 pm u’ll get ur uniform there so dont worry! And the coach is amazing so no stress” mhm alright u said to urself “well maybe lets get going will be late if we keep standing here.” “Alright lets get going. Literature it is” sooha said sadly. U two went to literature, yeahyeah boring stuff we’ll skip that part. “Well we have self study now so lets-“ sooha got interrupted by something.. well poor u got ice bucketed by newjeans and ateez. u heard them laughing “oh my days lets go to the medic before u catch a cold” sooha took ur arm and ran to the medic but got stopped by a male figure. “Well i can bring her” he smiled as u looked up who it was.

kang yeosang.

“No. U did this to her-“ as yeosang picked u up and threw soohas arm off urs. as he walked to the clinic. “Yeosang u better not do anything to her” sooha screamed to him “yeahyeah ill take care of her dont worry” he responded looking at u with a caring smile. As the school doctor looked at u and gave u a new uniform so u’ll not catch a cold. “Thank u yeosang for bringing her. I was scared for her that she’ll actually catch a cold” he softly laughed “mhm its oke ms hwang” u came out thanked the doctor and went out. “Wait ur not going to thank me i literally brought u here” u stared at him “u did it for ur reputation.” As u walked off u see the ateez and newjeans looking at u and yeosang. U went to the library to see sooha by herself doing the biology assignment. “ oh there u are! I was worried . did yeosang do anything to you?” She sounded a worried mother “no no he did nothing, just brought me so his reputation is high” “ew that player, well im working on my assignment so maybe do urs too” “mhm alright, weres beomgyu?” “Oh he has a other lesson then us.” Great ur only partner is park seonghwa “oh well im not doing it with seonghwa” “did u call my name?”

u looked to see seonghwa and yeosang at the entrance of the library. “Thank god i could get out of that group, minji keeps clinging on me like a fly” seonghwa said now walking to u “well we should work on the project, no?” “Yeah alright move a chair here so u can sit” as seonghwa went to get a chair, yeosang came up too u “ heard u were the new cheerleader well be cheering for me and seonghwa yeah?” u looked at him as u wanted him dead “gosh im joking comeon” as seonghwa came back with two chairs so yeosang could sit too. U and seonghwa were doing pretty well on the poster. As u never thought that seonghwa could be helpful. But then the bell went. “Oh well its best me and yeo get going see u around y/n” as both male figures waved goodbye and left. “Well~ how did it went” sooha asked “went better then i expected def”

time skip to the end of the last class

“YN LETS GO WE NEED TO GO TO PRACTICE”this girl has energy for days😞 “alright alright! im coming” u went to the coart were the cheer coach was. “Ohh u must be the new cheer member! yn right?” u nodded” well welcome to wave cheer club! here are the uniform” it was a blue cheer uniform and the pompoms were blue with gold “ well practice start in 10 minutes!!” u look over the bleachers to see someone staring at u, but u couldn’t recognize the face as it turned away quickly.

After practice u go to ur locker seeing alot of love notes in it. U were kinda surprised seeing the fall down. U didnt want to make a mess so u quickly put them all in ur bag. Ur surprised that it all fitted in

. U go home by bus and opened every love letter. All of these letters had something common. There signed with 0304. U looking confused but said to urself u’ll read them tomorrow.

—next—