#why am I SO STUPID TO THINK I COUDL WRITE

[mcalhenwrites]

Seasons is a story about the potential for the life you have, and I supposed it makes sense that I crave the ability to enjoy what life has to offer the same way Howie does... I could appreciate immortality if I had the ability to learn and experience and live joyfully. Instead, my life's a shit show, and I relate hard to the feeling of being trapped... And like Shannon, the idea of death being an out is stupidly comforting. It's nice to know that whatever the fuck this life is... it'll end. I wish it would do so sooner than later, though. I don't know how to end it myself. I am grateful to a couple of my coworkers today for helping me out when shit got hard and I am very lucky with the kind of workplace environment I have, but my health is wrecking me, and I can't find energy to write or read or do anything but spend all my free time attempting to recover. I'm in constant excruciating pain. Money continues to be hard. I shove my writing out there, and very few people even want it anyway. I miss writing, I hate chipping away at it and being so unhappy because everything I write lately is fucking garbage. I'm just writing because I want to be doing it and force myself to try, but there's working through writer's block and then there's just being so fucking physically disabled and ill that it's impossible. Then there's also just being a freak that doesn't belong, who doesn't fit in, who is often reminded he's not good enough of a writer to belong anywhere. I'm so fucking worthless and always have been. And the only way to have any worth is to give up any of my happiness and crochet for people, they like me then, but I don't like my life for that. I hate myself more than I even hate the people who made me hate my life.

[fierceawakening]

I’ve been thinking a bit about the empathy discussion (THINKING ABOUT IT, guys, not RESTARTING FIGHTS) and why it is that different groups seem to think “empathy” means such different things. (General usage still seems to me to suggest that “lack of empathy” means “callousness toward other humans and animals,” where ND Tumblr seems to use it to mean either “difficulties reading others’ body language for emotion cues” or “difficulties responding emotionally to others’ emotions, even if one knows what those others feel.”)

And I happened on something this morning about a mass shooter who was said to be likely sociopathic, and it got me thinking about something that probably shaped how I understand these words.

For a while there, I was utterly fascinated by the Columbine shootings. I was in college when they happened, and it’s fascinating and creepy to me how back then it was an incomprehensible act of violence whereas now it’s a... well I won’t say school shootings are COMMON but they’re part of our cultural framework now. So I studied it a fair bit.

And one of the things that a lot of sources agree on is that the two killers, Eric and Dylan, were different in striking ways that affected their motivation. It depends who you read whether Eric was a cold cruel mastermind and Dylan a confused sad puppet, or whether Dylan was an active participant in his own right, but there’s consensus that the two boys were different.

Dylan is often described as having been depressed. He wrote about suicide a lot in his journals, from what I recall more often than violence or murder. He had a social life but he comes across in his writings as pained and withdrawn—to me, like he’s hurting so much from some mental health issue that he has trouble focusing on anything but himself and how much everything hurts. Hanging out with Eric and planning a Big Event at least gave him something external to focus on, however horrendous.

Eric comes across strikingly differently. Eric doesn’t sound sad—he sounds angry and annoyed and... just generally like he doesn’t like people, unless they’re Dylan. He had a webpage, for example, where he complained about stupid people who annoyed him. I remember the examples were strikingly banal: people who spell or say “expresso,” not realizing it’s “espresso.” People who say “acrosst,” when there’s no T in it. He disliked that people coudl wander around in public being obviously ignorant or “dumb” and seemed to see himself (and Dylan, and possibly some other people he liked) as better than other people.

The general consensus was, from what I coudl tell, that Eric was a sociopath and Dylan was not.

Dylan had (or at least, expressed) feelings about other people that were complicated and multifaceted. He wanted people to like him. He was mad when they didn’t, but sometimes he seemed angry and sometimes he just seemed lonely or despairing. He did nice things for his mom, including right before the massacre.

Eric... didn’t. Pretty much the only thing we know about him or see from his journals is this withering contempt for people. How annoying they are. How he’s better than them, so they deserve to die.

That difference was the thing I took “lack of empathy” to mean. Not just not being aware of or having to think a lot about others’ emotions to make sure you get them right, but more... not having any response other than to feel annoyed or put upon that other people expect compassion or kindness. He didn’t have any use for other people, or at least that’s how he came across.

(To be fair, There’s less information about him than about Dylan—Dylan’s mom is very public about who he was and what he was like and what she thinks is why, where Eric’s family is very private about the whole matter and has said almost nothing publicly.)

Which is why, I think, I approached discussions of “empathy” as I did. Because to me, it’s not just one little thing neurons or emotions do, it’s: do you see other people as independent beings with their own wants and needs and ideas and emotions? Do other people’s emotions affect you, not just in some “immediate mirroring” sense, but in the sense of “am I aware that this person might feel totally different about themselves and their actions or me or my actions than I do, and is that something I can acknowledge and live with?”

Which seems to me like (one of the) thing(s) Eric wasn’t doing. If you say expresso you’re just dumb and just look stupid, not... someone who has a learning disability, or someone who taught yourself words and guessed that one wrong, or whatever. You’re not a being with your own interests, you’re just an annoying impediment that stuck itself in Eric’s way, and it would be fun/cool/affirming to get rid of you through BIG BLASTY KABOOMS.

Which I think is why I had (still have tbh) so much trouble with “Well, but I can be aware of the rules and obey them.” Because... rules are shortcuts. Rules are easy ways to remind ourselves “this is a person, and a person doesn’t have to agree with me or do what I want to be as worthy of consideration as I am.”

But without that sort of... 3 dimensional model of others, it seems to me a rule can only go so far. Rules aren’t flexible. They don’t evolve as you learn more about how teh person you’re confronted with feels most respected. They just give output for input.

Where... again, I probably still count as unconvinced, but at the same time I... don’t think people who are saying “you can just obey moral rules through reason alone” actually MEAN “you don’t need to consider others as full individuals to know how to treat them.”

They mean something else, but I’m not totally sure what.

Anyway, THAT is what I mean I am not okay with, and it’s very much NOT the thing my autistic friends answer me with when I ask “so what does not having empathy mean to you?”

[the-firebird69]

eve lyn evil lynn and we hear them. they are or are not there. and he says in and out and the chamber proves it partly yes.  but they are not the salt tamperers. no. and we are not it was said mac was Zues Hera no no hey ahve to be opertional needed them all and they let it go for some reason could not access them mac daddy we know why nothing tod o with our inventor. no or the engineers no. trump and a blockade.  by whom.  \ mac daddy ask your son he was partly to blame tried for it. coudl not release it...the salt would not go through we heard it.  and it was not him too large.  and bja heard that. was enticed.  and now we are as bright as christmas bulbs. trump this is a trajedy. stone does not work that well nor absorb and hold it spreads. it is a poor design well his isnt we used it and this is how sandwiching and shielded adn flowing in the cure and changing work all da all night.  then this we are sunk. and were chainging stopped.  pooped out or worse. threat threat threat over threatenedd for years.  and by whom.  cork yes. dempsey exposed his drawing tampering and szabo ratted on his own work the panels to him and caa forgot...and he ranted said he knew...and it was mac loaded upt he train and each night. and cork your fault yours fall dead a lot and youdiid nto try.  so f off ok your a louse and started a trend most h umans fear. and you should as you rdwindling and should dwindle your useless. besides you are evelyn salt.  disguised as her you did the deed. andyes, it is her. jenna. Thor Freya  yu should see why, to seduce caa and take his torso and be him once and for all.  and he is the leader and we say he is not you.  and you destroy his brain, how dumb an idea   you rdead bja..dead.  i follow through your so fn dumb. and mac had you do it yes and it went past the time, and due to you again.  and your dumb there..and the ships are close mac had you do that annie ok. fag. your so lame and ps all yours want your  job.  and mac had you rant today is aperc and child.   mac is wrong way over it for gesus sake.and he is part tard.  adn you bja and trump fd it all up ahhaah lol it is funny you have no clue and ps trump said this. “i threaten a lot, i get  a lot from it” toay out loud. and “i will have it all and from right in front of them” and more “i use it gained it stopped it and had it done to me”  and he said this “if that weasel stops me he i s done” and after caa said all can see it and it cannot approach is too contminated so you did it to you he said “ i just committed homocide go check”  to garth adn he called it in, none would.  knew why he is a loser.  and he said “nothing will stop me from my goal” and he meant hitting caa and a gloabal hit on trump.  and due to the threat on earth.  and we decided to put it out and at vegas flroida...and on yur head and more than he has seen and by me.  to kill you. nobody talks abou tme that way you oaf. dead shit...and we puot it out and told them all its good moneymac beat it. right away too threatened any who touched it, our money.  ok in kind or Sim products.   i had it on him and took me all day, saw others do it.  and then this. here it is. and heard it. form his mouth.  and then this  threatened the inventor and sutff for hwat the fag wants it...to get hit. we sent ours in our message, go f yourself we dont bow to terrorists and certainly not to you trump signed wililam burns cia, and he cringed. and then this from mac..he speaks.  we have had it with you, your out you hear you are out and in writing...mac daddy yes me he says form me mac. and we sent one, it said this your dead.  and we hit no. but that was all. you are the dumbest crook i have ever seen and try to teach garth, wow, and under your wing a black guy ok, and rub nothing in my face but threaten my life for earths destruction and i am more or less a super cop and part of a huge powerful group you created an illusion for yourself and ohters that is not real you threatened me for real today im sorry for you.  not in  a personal way or real way just  athat your so dumb you do not realize your position. you threaten all humanity and as if they are nobody claiming you ahve a right whenno, there are plenty of stupid people who are oppressed who dont do or think what you do and you wont get away with it all of nyc know and tons of people want yoou dead and your ships troops left it was them dying.  further. you are not my boss son friend or other and ou aer over me here harrassing me, illegally. and ruined macs rhealm on your own fruition and in manny ways see attached.  you have no right to my life in any way and i will take yours to hault you from harming me regardless of others warnings threats and other. you our body are out. they take what they can.  and we incinerate you.  brain too.  and thank you ahe a nice day, Zues and my loving Goddess Wife Hera...and he is mine and your dead trump and the letter said exactly taht  bja says. and he is right he is exposed exposed usa ll and as these killers and mass ones and we seem like him wilin to thraten the universe. and to mac i wrote this it is understood you issued this threat as a statement that you and yours are willing to threaten humanities entire exxistance as well as the universe. you sicken me.  and we knew about it. now the popoulace that does not want to die nor do they like you have it. thank you. you moron. Zues and his loving Goddess Wife and our an idiot mac yu are fired rd ad you are rd your my son and ratted mac uo are a liar we  have it on tape feed it to tehm sponful after spoonful. one after anohter and we say this your a dog now due to bja. he did this to you gloats and says so be it and all is too stupd to see it iis wrong he is right all the populace we wont make it. now you are out ok mac daddy and yours. this is fools stuff rd no you are. he is too and ou. mac im not in your gang. yu may not say i am out when i am not in.nor put hits on methat wont be answered immediatly. Zues Hera or me and we dont but we see it. your not in ok and  i see im nuts.  this is bad it is bja mac it is. and you but you lost your tct and cover adn cooth and fotrune and more health to the idiot. andlove it and relish it and wont stop. Thor Freya he is paying you alll back and wont stop macs and s we have to stop him he wants to destroy us all.  and use him to make it or not.  sow e see him. h e is evil as hell. Hera Zues and we see that he is dumb but dangerous and yes ruined tons of macs plans and this one crumbles this year.  tons means tons of stuff is gone due to bja. and he is mean too abou tit says them. has no proof most look like his and he is an ass about htat too. Olympus we all had a say but this looks as bad as it sounds.  bja ruined us all. all. and he says it is him.  we doubt it.  you were are the one seen ruining it. now i want justice and you out fo the cia and for today you will pay.  and trump did say it you had him.    and he wont retract it trump is damaged and dangerous too.  and he puts hits on him. so he dies. this is true  yuo cannot others hit and use it..bja you go away now we hit you mac daddy we p uot the order out on bja and mac. too long this idiot banter i n our court Thor Freya this is going to be helll i hold bja responsible he will blame asia for his crimes and they will attack us and him overseas. i want out of this and he si the source. now we meet macs and talk mac and we fire you see your hatred your out of control tard boy.  now you need to hault .  and stop yourself.  bja cant. we see it too your poushed and he is but gezus yur worse than they are and they are havenly bad. ok. now i issue orders and troops .enough we read it this is howe it goes he gives us the runaroudn we do it to him. meanwhile he smiles i sell it. now.  and ours can and do ride fast. fstr than your olympians could ever ride.  your slow fatassed idiots demanding we help.  and it is enough to say today we got intel we needed on you.  info too. up and down stuck to him. still after all these yaers of buringi you off. so we have  aplan and it is good. Thor Freya

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZ40WlshNwU

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

“this isnt a herem anime u fucken weebs”

summary: toshi gets injured and drama ensues when nighteye, naomasa, hizashi, and aizawa all show up to fuck him! who shall win his affections (and 8 foot thundercock) in the end? find out on this episode of “its almost 2 in the fucking morning i have class in 6 hours what the fuck am i doing” 

notes: i decided to write this bc i thought naomasa and nighteye arguing over all might would be a Dank Meme and then i added mic and aizawa to make it a proper HaremTM, im dedicating this to @motojirou-kajii bc rose is literally the only reason i have the slightest interest in nighteye so congrats u are INDIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HEAP OF SIN HOPE U LIKE IT FUCKO

***************************************************************************************all mite had broekn much of his limbs and ruptured all 3 of the orgens he had left so it was basically like any other day in his miserble life.

he was sad and loenly and even tho his arms were 8 feet long neither could reach his mightey montser cock that wuz also 8 feet long ;)).

“what a sad day this is for me, ALL MIGHT TM” he saed sadly. he coffed up blood and sighed sighfully. “if only ther was a nubile young man who could bring me confort,,”

sir niteeye crawled out from underneath the couch where he had been hiding for totally legitiemet, not secretly jacking his dick to all mights despare, reasons.

“sir nite ey” said toshinori weakly.

nihteye gently slapped toshinorys ass. “good nighteye. sleep tighteye.”

toshinori laghed. “dont let the bedbugs,,, biteeye?”

“nice fuckin going dr. genius u ruined the joke u stupid idiot” nighteye snapped angrely. “it was perfect but u pushed it 3 far and now its ruined 5ever. ur beating that dead horse harder than i beat my meat when i think of your grate jiggling jugs in that slutty little spandex onesie u run around in”

“not aneymor” toshinori cried as teers ran down his face. “my slutty dayz are over. now im just a sad old man. no mor spandex onsesies for me- only” his face scrunched up as he wept mournfully. “TASTEFUL TROUSERS AND LOOSE TURTLENECKS OH NGHTEYE WHAT IS MY LIEF BECONE??? I WISH I WER THE DED!!1”

nightey wipped out his two inch dick and bithc-slapped the sympol of peace across his fuckin face iwth it. “TOSHi YYou INgoRENT SlUT stop being EMO this isnt 2004 that shits not cute anymore fam”

toshi kept rcrying but now they were happey teers. “relly bro?? u think wer fam???”

nighteyey started wackin his ween. “o fuck ye dude, ur like my fuckably non-blood related older brother that id 10/10 would bang”

all mite opened his moth like he mIGHT (GET  IT?!!??!1?) say words but befor that cold hapdlen, the door SLAMMED OPEN and nowmasa walked in.

“helo toshi my bff forever with whom i am best friends forever” he said, friendily. “i hav come to take care of u, my friEND!”

“NAO-NAO-CHAN!” toshi exclamed happely, his cockanoodledoo swellign up to the size of 3 lebron jameses with joy and knocking kniteey out the fuckin window. “MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER!!!!1! YOURE MY FRIEND AND I LOV U!!!”

“I LOV U TOO!!1” naomasa replied with much gaynes on his ordinary face.

“um E XC USUEE uuU!” niteeye saed angrielty as he crowled in thru the window, picking sticks out of his hare (sadly he left the stick up his ass). “TOshI who is this?!???”

“i could ask the SAME QUESTION!!” naomasma yelled with his boring eyes narrowing suspeciously. “toshi, who is this OTHER MAN??? is ther somethign u would liek to ExpLAnE?”

t0shi sweated nervsouly. “nao nao chan this is., um,, he,s,”

“IM NITEEYE” nighteye snapped, doing the anime glasses thing with his glasses. “his sidekiCk”

“ex sidekick” toshi added

“well iMM naomasa, his CURRENT best friend!” naomasa replied crossing his unremarkable arms.

“well ur currently abotu to get ur  ass beAT u fuCKEN NORMIE” nighteye shouted threateningly as he flexed he collectiv 2 miligrams of muscle he had on his entire bodey.

“NORMIES REEE” shreiekd a fmailiar voice from the door which was still oepn.

“HIBACHI YAMDADDY???” nighteye roared, territorially draping his penis across toshinorys eyeball. “what teh abosulte Fuc  K are u doign here you cheap hore???”

“excus u fucko im am NOt chEEP!” hizashy yelled igdignatly. “u can ask showta, it costs at LEAST three dollers to insrert ping pong balls up my ass! FOUR dolers if u wanna snort cockaeine off my stank tiddys.” hizashi lowered his voice shamefully. “the cokane isnt reel tho, its the powedery suger thing from like, pixy sticks. i cut open and shitlod of pixy sticks and sprinkle the sugar on my tiddys and predent its cocaine. MY LIFE IS A LIE!!!!”

“take ur fake tits and ur fake cocaein and your FAKE ASS KMART WEAVE AND GET YOUR SKANK ASS GONE, BITCH!” naomasa shrieked, taking out a fucking glock that he had bc he was a PolicemenTM and shoting hizasy in the dickhole.

hizashy bled 2 death on the flor but other than that he wuz fine. ‘wat are all u beta cucks doing her?? i thot this was all mitgh-senpais house not an incel convention”

“IM here taking care of super dady so he’ll repay me with the secks!” nighetye proclaimed proudly. “idk wat HES doing heer” he added pointing at naowmasa.

“Im supoorting my best friend you nutless heap of used scrotumz!” naomasa replied upsettedly. “bc im a GOOd PERson and I c ARE”

“how du u even KNOw ur best friends?” niteye asked snottily. “mayebe IM hi best friend!1”

“fat chance bozo!” naomaasa laffed as he tore off his plain white shirt revealign his chest wich was totally unremarkable except the tatto ritten in comick sanz that sed “ALL MIGHTES BEST FRIEND FORVER, LUV ALL MITE PS. SIR NITEEYE CAN LICK A CHODE”

nighteye gasped, infurieted and only slightly aroused. “ya well wateVER” he snapped pissily. “its not like some piece of shit tattoo is legaly binding”

naomasa turned around. “THIS TATOO IS LEGALY BINDING, SIGNED THE FUCKIGN GOVERNMENT OF JAPANESE???” nigtheye yelled loudly, reading the rest of the tatoo. “wel maybe i dont CARE about the law! im a bad bitch FUCK THA POLICE!!!”

naomasa smirked “all might sure is”

toshinori paused what he was doing- chewing off his own arm to escape- long enuff ot nod and conferm this fact so the fact was almost as firm as nighteyes salty rage boner.

be4 nightey could kik naomasa in the eyebal, aizawa walked in. he wasnt werring clothes but his nakeed body was covered in hair and appelsauce so it was basicaly hthe same thign.

“sup toshy” he said unceremonsioulsly faceplanting onto toshis bony ass. “i herd u got injured. want som simpathy secks?”

“Not from YUO, u BIG DUM DOODOOHEAD!” hizashi shrieked, thrusting angriyl against aizawa. he tenderly inserted his weenie hut jr into aizawas mouth. “from us.”

“wher did this walking bag of stray pubes come from?” noamasa asked confusedly.

“straight from ur moms house, pissbaby!” azawa roared sexily. “ya, thats rite, idk who ur mom even is and i fucked her.”

“but rnt u gay??” naomasa asked confusedly

“nowmasa ur  denser than a bowling ball made of other, heavier bowling balls” nighteye snapped frustratedly. “ thats the  JOKE!!”

“ur sex lifes a joke” aizawa sed, flipping his slimy hare over his sholder. thre ded flies fell out.

“OH SHIT SON GET DUNKED ON” hizashi yelled proudly hi-5ving aizawa with his dick.

“WHY DONT U GO FUCK A CAT YOU GREASY CUMSOCK” nighteye screamed enragedly as all the vains in his silly time sexin snake popped open.

“been ther don that” aizawa sed flatly “wy dont u shov ur hand up ur ass and c if u can find anymore shit comebacks”

“oh snap” naomasa whispered quietly  

“YOU SINGLE PEACE OF STALE WHITE BREAD I WIL KIL U WERHE U STAND” nigheye SHREKED as allstar by smashmouth stared playing on hziashys neck speeker.

“pls comrades do not fite over me” said toshinory sadly “violenc dosnt turn me on, im not endeovor”

“endevor is literally the fuckign worst thign to excist ever” naomasa agreed

“iv sen the minion porn hizashy jacks off to but i still agree” aizawa also aggred

“MINIONS WITH FAT TITS ARE HOTTER THAN NEDEVORS STEAMING NIPPLES WILL EVER BE!” mic agreedded impassionetly!

“it seems like we all agree” said nighteye agreebly.

every1 agred.

“c were not so differnt are we?” said toshinoriy, putting down his half gnawed arm “cant we all b firends?”

“or we coudl all FUCK” hizashi suggested eagerly

“yes, share my body for the glory of cummunism!” all mighte was happey to say

“this isnt a herem anime u sack of shit weebs” ngihteye replied disgustedly

“wat about,,.” hizashy pulled down his pants reveelign the sord art online tato of kiritows face he got on his asscheek in the 4th grade “NOW”

nighteyse night eyes welled up with teers. “oh ddady,,” he tore off his shrit to show the tato of asunas face he had on his left boob “TAKE ME NOW”

they all fukced and toshinory coghed up blod multiple times, hizashy was mssing at least 40 percent of his penis, nighteye kept calling toshy “daddy”, naomasa responded to 3 calls from the polece station mid-nut, and they all got rugburn from aizawas big ol donkey dick the end

[anthony-cohen-blog]

QUESTIONNAIRE

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name? Anthony Joshua Cohen

Where and when were you born? In a small, barely-named town on the west coast of the US, 25 years ago

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) Monty and Eshel Cohen, both working at the local middle school of our town, my father as a maths teacher, my mother as the librarian. They are mellow-hearted, simple people who mean no harm and pull their small weight in society as best as they can, hardly ever complaining, never wanting more than just leading a happy, comfortable life. 

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? No siblings by blood, no, but Tanner, James and Micah who I met in the Biel hospital will always somehow count as family.

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. Tanner has temporarily given me shelter until I find an affordable apartment. Sometimes I dream about never leaving her again, but she is with her girlfriend, and who am I to intrude?

What is your occupation? Waiting in a bar and sorting in products in a supermarket.

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. People say I look good, I prefer not to look at all. I try to blend, and I think my unflashy appearance helps, but for the leather jacket that is. But I need this one. I’ve got blue eyes, curly light hair (it’s rather soft but I don’t like people touching it) and pale skin; all attributes that make it easy to be trusted and forgotten by the people I meet.

To which social class do you belong? Despite not owning much at the moment and requiring two pasttime jobs to pay my mere share, I would still consider myself middle class because if I were to truly need it, I coudl always go back home to my parents and ask for help. That is a luxury not many have. 

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? You mean except turning into a walking bush every now and then? No.

Are you right or left-handed? Right-handed.

What does your voice sound like? I keep it low, I don’t like talking, I don’t like people hearing me, so I guess I mumble a lot. But I’ve also spent a lot of time living with someone far away from any noise, so I prefer being silent than talking over noises around me. 

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? I make sure not to have verbal habits, as they help people remember you. But I think I shrug a lot, if that counts.

What do you have in your pockets? Let me see. Cigarettes, a lighter, keys, money, the usual. Oh, and if you don’t tell anyone ... a few pretty stones I found along my way. They mean nothing. But they’re pretty.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? No. As I said, I make sure not to. 

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? Chaotic, very stressful. My parents wanted to know what was wrong with me, and eventually gave me to the Biels. Those are anything but happy memories, but everything after that was a simple, calm life. They thought I had been cured, you know.

What is your earliest memory? The red balloon I got for my third birthday, I was very excited about it, don’t ask.

How much schooling have you had? I graduated high school.

Did you enjoy school? I never hated it. Learning in itself is something wonderful, but sitting in a classroom all day was never my favourite thing to do, even if I didn’t despise it. I was never bullied or particularly popular either, by the way, so I never made horrible memories.

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? At the Biel Hospital, learning how to shut all emotions out. I think, above all, this is what taught me how to survive.

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. No. I never wanted to be like anyone else because I never wanted to be.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? After I came back from the hospital, well. They are normal and simple people, I am good at being normal and simple. Totally ... human.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? Cured.

As a child, what were your favorite activities? I liked listening to people talk and read to me, I think. I was never allowed around other kids before the hospital, so I don’t think I had many exciting hobbies worth talking about.

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? I think I was predispositioned to be a happy child, but my parents sorrows about my condition made me, if not anxious, quiet and guilt-charged.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? I spent most of my days alone before the hospital, in the hospital I met Tanner, James and Micah and we were great friends, family, and after the hospital I was good with a few people I shared classes with. I went to parties and proms but I was also never invited to sleep overs or dates. 

When and with whom was your first kiss? Cora Singer, whom I had been sharing classes with for many years, was my first kiss and girlfriend. We were together for about five months, I can’t quite remember why we broke up.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? After Cora Singer came Loreley Abson. We were only together for a few weeks in the last year of high school and I think she slept with me because she didn’t want to go to college as a virgin. However, when I close my eyes and think of my first time, I’ll always think of Purple.

If you are a supernatural being (can include Gifted), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. I was born with my gift, and for many years I considered it a curse because my parents did. I was experimented on, some would call it torture, but I like to think I was treated. Not healed as my parents think, but treated. I now know how to suppress my abilities and deal with them. The first time I called it my gift, though, was when Purple showed me the beauty of it.

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? When the hospital burnt one night and Tanner saved us. And then, a few years later, when I met Purple. It’s maybe cheesy or stupid to say that, but our first kiss, to realise what love means, that was very important to me.

Who has had the most influence on you? I don’t know? Children are influenced by parents, no? I don’t consider myself particularly influenced. Then again, Purple changed my opinion on many things, like my gift. No, really, I can’t answer this question.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Finding Tanner.

What is your greatest regret? That I am who I am. I think I caused a lot of pain for my family. I know I should not feel ashamed for it, but if I had the choice to give it all away, I might.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I’ve done a lot of unspeakable things. Unspeakable in the sense that saying them out loud could get me in trouble with the law. But at the end of the day I never hurt anybody. I did what I had to do to survive, but never at a cost of someone’s well-being.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Not officially, no.

When was the time you were the most frightened? Every night at the Biel hospital. 

What is the most embarrassing thing to ever to happen to you? Oh. That. I once went to school on a Saturday by accident. But I guess that’s not very ... 

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? Maybe I’d teach myself how to control my gift sooner. Maybe I’d make myself never fall in love with Purple. Maybe I’d never leave him.

What is your best memory? Last month, meeting Tanner again. I have other beautiful memories, but this? It shines bright against everything else.

What is your worst memory? There have been many ugly memories, but just like with the good ones, it’s what happened the most recent that hurts the most. Destroying Purple’s trailer in our fight. I. I am still disgusted by having done that.

PART 4: BELIEFS AND OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic.

What is your greatest fear? Losing Tanner again.

What are your religious views? My father is an Atheist, my mother Jewish, I’d like to say I believe in nothing, but ever since the portals have been opened? What is real and what isn’t anymore?

What are your political views? I believe the well-being of the individual is more important than money.

What are your views on sex? It is just natural. Neither avoiding it nor making everything about it seems sensical to me but then again, I can’t really have it. Not with someone else, at least.

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? I asked myself this question many times and I think, yes. I would be. To protect those who love, I would go very very far.

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Take someone’s life. But my answer stands.

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? I wish I could say no, but then, sometimes I meet people and I just know that I will see them again, that they will matter to me one day, and how else would you explain that?

What do you believe makes a successful life? Who cares about success.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? To myself I have no choice but to be honest. If I were to ignore how I feel, poppies and violets would bloom to remind me. But to others? I don’t know. I’ve learned how to suppress all feelings, and in a way I’d rather never share them with others. Even if that means to lie to those I love.

Do you have any biases or prejudices? The more time passes and the more Royce Industries goes against the gifted, the more I find myself despising the non-gifted. Other than that, no, I don’t think I am very biased. I go with what is logical, and sometimes the most beautiful thing to believe.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? No. 

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? All those who have saved me, deserved to be saved in return. My parents. Tanner. Purple. 

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

What do you look for in a potential lover?

How close are you to your family?

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

Do you care what others think of you?

PART 6: LIKES AND DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? I like taking long walks and baths.

What is your most treasured possession? None of the few tings I own are treasured.

What is your favorite color? Yellow.

What is your favorite food? Bread is good.

What, if anything, do you like to read? I don’t enjoy reading.

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? To talk with someone you like until late at night. When I still had a car, I used to listen to music, whatever was on the radio. But I’d never consider it good entertainment. Necessary, if anything. The same goes for all other form of art.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? I smoke cigarettes, but I can’t drink or do drugs. They make me lose control on my gift, and that is the last thing I can have.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? I didn’t have a typical Saturday night in many many years. At the moment I cook if ever someone is hungry, back in high school I used to hang out with my friends by the football stadium. 

What makes you laugh? A lot of things, actually. I like me a good joke. I have a simple humour, I think, Charlie Chapman and Laurel and Hardy will always get a chuckle out of me.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Violence of all sort. Even just yelling or threats. It makes me very uneasy.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? This happens a lot. Usually I go take a walk or drink tea. I like just pondering about things.

How do you deal with stress? I’m hardly ever stressed, it’s not really something that happens in my life style, but the answer would be the same as the previous one.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? This is a strange question because my whole life through I had a plan. At first I needed to find someone to cure me. Then I needed to find Tanner. Within those two plans I act spontaneously and never ever planned, but can you still call that spontaneous? If you do everything as it comes up as long as it lets you stay on your path?

What are your pet peeves? People who can’t listen. People who judge others blindly. People who only care about themselves. 

PART 7: SELF IMAGES AND ETC.

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? At the moment, I get up with the sun, get myself cleaned and dressed, then make breakfast for whoever wants. Then I go to work. Take breaks. Come home and cook again. Sometiems I go back to work for a later shift. But usually, if I can, I go to sleep with the sun, too. I cannot stand the night. Back when I still used to travel around it was about the same thing. 

What is your greatest strength as a person? I guess you could call me loyal.

What is your greatest weakness? The same, I fear. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Please don’t make me say it...

Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Introverted. People exhaust me.

Are you generally organized or messy? I don’t care about being orderly or planned out within my own space, but as soon as it affects others I can be very organized and clean.

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Reading people (and thus making them trust me, waiting, getting jobs, etc), cooking tea, and waiting. The waiting-waiting. Sitting and taking a breath. Letting time pass with patience. I’m good at that. What I’m bad at is expressing myself, not getting hurt by small things, and trusting people.

Do you like yourself? I serve my own purpose.

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? I once wanted to find someone, now I don’t know anymore. I have lost all ambition.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Please. Don’t ask me about the future.

If you could choose, how would you want to die? Painless, fast, with my body looking preserved enough for my parents to identify me and being able to say their goodbyes.

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. I’d do just what I’m doing now. Maybe say the things I could never speak.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? I don’t wish to be remembered.

What three words best describe your personality? Quiet, loyal, healthy.

What three words would others probably use to describe you? Quiet, odd, good. Or at least I wish they did.

[oceangl1tter]

revising became poetry

revise(v.)://

1560s, "to look at again," from Middle French reviser (13c.), from Latin revisere "look at again, visit again, look back on," frequentative of revidere (past participle revisus), from re- "again" (see re-) + videre "to see" (from PIE root *weid- "to see"). Meaning "to look over again with intent to improve or amend" is recorded from 1590s. Related: Revised; revising.

I haven’t written here in a long time. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that I’m here again writing things I should check-mark off when I find a therapist.  Hurting is a process like poetry. Poetry, unlike prose, is a combination of language that is there and language that isn’t. Hurting is the same. The plan was clear. The idea was that I’d get better and then we could be a together. We could have hurt & healed together. Why did you make me do it alone? To forgive you is to forgive myself. I am unearthing a thousand pains. I let it hurt again. I let the things that slipped by me hit again. Thousands of me are unearthing. They would not cry with me; they would cry with the world.

Mom asks me again if I’m coming back for thanksgiving break and I say no. She teasingly asks if I have a boyfriend and my sister chimes in that it’s okay if I do and that I should tell her, yes or no. When I hang up I feel like throwing up. are there any other things she can ask  i honestly felt like bawling my little poor pea eyes out im in love with a girl i didnt say i said i dont know and i hung up i say i had a falling out with someone i say its better if i dont come back for thanksgiving break mom says its ok since she doesnt do anything anyways strange mercies all around i say theres nothing left for me there here anywhere anyway but i didnt say it i had it in my head when i hung up im supposed to be a bridesmaid but honestly i didnt even know them half of my life and i read back and i realized i say the exact things my mom says cause shes a means to an end to everyone else or atleast she thinks she is but also cause i let it go i let it go cause its okay to be let go and its ok to let it go and im writing this stupid cliche melodramatic shit and im supposed to be someone soon even though no ones wiating for me to but im waiting for me to which is some meta shit but when does it start but when but when does it start right now i feel it not starting its not starting it shoudl start soon i searched far and wide for it to fix itself i stretched my wee hand in there and i couldnt find it and i could not find the thing that made me feel like an empty lima bean so ifigured it must be a fundamental thing because i can not find the thing and i can not fix the thing and i realize while painting i come across an issue i cant fix i look at the painting and its not right u just have a feeling that its not right its like writing poems u read it u write a line and u know its not right u read it it just aint it so what i do is i maek sure i destroy it real good get my palette knife and just scrape it up till u dont even know what it was originally and maybe thats just what it is now  thet hing that is inside me a sickness ehavy in my throat heavy in my liver heavy in my kidney bones heavy maybe that is what it is i took a palette knife and i just caked things on until u cant even c what the thing underneath was whats the thing underneath surprise its a fucking white canvas can u believe it after all this time and honestly whats the hurry cause oil paint never dries today i ate lunchables which were a fucking abominatinon i really paid 3 dollars for cracker cheese and circle hams and 2 oreos if i wanted to know what hunger felt like i should have just went to my room hid under hte covers and hugged myself that must be what hunger is like tyring to pull memories that u think u have but u dont have them anymore like eating lunchables imagingin g  ah yes circle ham cracker and cheese block that is what packed lunch is supposed to taste like i remember it so clearly i remember it like a full moon i remember it like a clear sky above my lunchable cause in front of hunger i am as full as i can be

and i think tht this should last forever i mean i cant eb feeling this forever right but i have been and ithought i coudl fix it in time but does hte body even know what time is the body remember swhat the mind doesnt my mind doesnt remember whwat it feels to be in love and love somoene or feel the l ove seep in honey as hot as if u were to put ur tongue on a stove  but my skin does and it shakes and it shakes trying to rattle it out the sickness out the love & anguish out wash it out mouthwash rinse it out showerwash today i originally had the cliff bar in my hand and not the lunchables but healthy granola bars made me feel too pure so i put them away and i was going to buy peach rings but they also made me think of a toothache so i put it away and i stood in front of hte candy section for a long time not really lookign for anything but thinking atleast i have the guise of a decision free will really doesnt exist when the thing thats inside of u doesnt move no matter how much u will it to, free the beast yes back into the circus back to the casinos back to 25 years ago when ur mother first put on her work uniform and sold her life like that and i spent 1 month cashiering and i thought that this couldnt possibly last forever but for some it does and i now know why things happen the way they do bc they couldnt have happened any other way like i said free will does not exist thank u and welcome to my tedtalk it was 8pm when i started and i have to say 8pm is a very significant time for me because that is when i would lock the doors and shut myself in a place i call homenothome and i sat on the toilet seat and i waited for this girl who was nice until w ewere both not nice anymore but that was before after because before before iw ould stay in the living room and cry myself awake until id smell a scent i ffiound familiar boys and alcohol are an attractive mix until u find that they dont care about u and i wonder if i can find other latchkey kids that would stare at their reflection in their floorboards and pass the time like that when th only other person that remembers u and knows u is ur reflection in the tv orthe floorboards and ithink i shoudl speak to a therapist bc there avery more bad things that i thin k is the reaosn i do not like hugs on the other hand sexual things and not flinchign when a boy touchse u in a not appropriate manner atleast  make me feel osme ssort of way even if it is disgust and i realzlie there are worst things than not being with the person i love because i dnt know wher eth esickness comes from i learned hate when i laid nex t to u and i couldnt get rid of it and smometimes im a scar i try to wipe away for u i tried to wipe away for u i have succeeded and this girl who was nice waited for me until we were both not nice anymore but that was before after which is to say that she would not do it for me anymore which is to say i know loss too well which is to say she was an excepption after which is to say i gave myself a strange mercy which is to say i had done it ofr her even when i was not what she needed which is to say i should do it fo rmyself which is to say i dnt know if i can bc ive already done eveyrhting that i oculd have and i did not want it to be like this i thought i could do it i thouhtght i could be good again i can be good this was supposed to be kind and nice but again it is not and i did not want for u to hold my pain but it hoguht u would like to i wouldl have liked to have held ur pain too.

[aliceinwonderland2017centur-blog]

Pat Handy /North Eastern Library

Disclaimer--- Um this is actually not a complaint. Im pretty sure me not being able to get into my account was done purposefully maliciously and illegally. No matter how white you are you still have to follow the law someone has mistakenly told you because you hold authority you can use a platform to conspire in criminal behavior. Please dont come after me with a gun. Another thing about white people I didnt care that you existed I didnt want to get into a war of brains with you I want to be another anonymous user  but no you turned criminal got a negative reaction a verbal asswhooping that all  6 year old gets when they show their ass and yet you claim to be mad. Dont comphrend that when you  misbehave an asswhooping follows. Sadly you are more than likely in business attire in fucking stray jacket white skin believing you are somehow entitled to act recklessly and there not be consequences. Its just not true. Im sorry no sir  WAKE THE FUCK UP. Be a fucking business professional. You like a civilized proefessional annonymous world right. Imagine if I coudl track you down. and posion your food. Fuck with your phone youre internet done even know you. You do. You will not pick me out the fucking crowd  and then say I need to watch my fucking MOUTH. Something something ---Yourself. iNAPPROPRIATE. 

SO lets start with Pat Handy.

Pat Handy is a shelter for women. When I first arrived  I wasn’t entirely impressed with their intake process due to the long wait. But Neither hear nor there. Its over and done I got in. A short while later it comes to my attention that Pat Handy has policies that are not productive to homeless women or women period. Productive to human beings. Their behavior is so the last thing everyone was thinking. No matter fact no one was thinking it. Ive threatened a suit numerous of times actually written out a complaint and it will be posted  in this post. Ive actually gotten this line a few times from police as well. But there are probably atleast five policies or regulations that need fixing overnight.  Like not  putting them in place was equal to it was done purposefully. Im in a shelter for a reason. Im down on my luck. Im in a time of need. I find it perplexing that people went out their way to build a shelter but they didnt take the proper steps to have a functioning shelter. Its really not my jobs to be on twiitter and tumblr doing someone else's job to get things done. I don’t have the means the money or the time much like the SHELTER implies. Homeless. How you expect people who need help to one do your job but two get out of this TEMPORARY situation and Maintain where they lay their head without the help of the shelter is Crazy. I will admit I’m one of the luckier ones. I have money. Limited but I have money. Sadly Ive spent money just trying to maintain what I'm use to. What I would do if I were home. And protecting myself from outside things. Surprisingly enough it adds up to alot of money, which takes away from the money I need to leave.  I’ve written numerous of emails to staff and the Managers of the building but they seem unphased by what I consider unsettling situations. At the very least very unaccommodating and uncompromising for sensitive situations. I did for the time being before  recent events walk away from the suit for numerous of reasons. Among them a safety concern. People make you scratch your head when they go out of their way to cause problems. Sadly there are NUMEROUS OF unsettling things wrong with Pat Handy. But the one that has come to my attention as of recent I cant stomach. Over and Over again Pat Handy's staff has shoved their unchangeable uncompromising policy down our throats. The biggest one that has me scratching my head is that all residences have to leave the building at 7 am and return at 4 pm on weekdays and leave at 9 am on weekdays and return at 4 pm on weekends.  Its a policy I have adjusted to out of sheer necessity but there are alot of bad mornings bad days.   But Sunday is still a hard pill to swallow there is absolutely no where to go till 1 pm. Just recently I became sick. I was diagnosed with gastritis due to some bad food (MORE ON THIS LATER) Two staff members saw that I was sick  vomiting and  diaherrea. I then went to the hospital. After returning from the hospital on the 13th I asked  one of the advocates on my floor if I could  go lay down. I also showed her my ER paperwork. Suprisingly I was fought on bedrest and was told that I had to have some long DRAWN  out thing stating HOW LONG  the bedrest was suppose to be and for what reasons. Obviously I'm not feeling well so I didnt plan to be sick I don't  know to ask the doctor for a book on my recovery process and quite frankly its an emergency room I saw the doctor for  10 15 minutes.  Sick. PRESCRIPTION. Why are you going out of your way to fight me on bed rest?  Firstly IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE TO ask for anything in the heat RETURNING from the hospital because im what? sick. That makes no sense.  And to be quite honest its tacky Im actually sick but how tacky is it that a doctor needs to  jump through hopes to convince a shelter something they should already be providing SHELTER. lmao. It really gets no better. The ER paperwork didn't go into detail about bedrest but it was stated that bedrest is suggested. Everything was vague and should have been taken with a grain of salt. No one person is the same. I actually have asked 4 times since my hospital visit for Bedrest. the last one being when Police were called on the 17th. I wont lie about the situation became exacerbated when I realized there were women staying in doors who are not sick while the rest of us sit outside in the heat looking like zoo animals. Unfortunate for the shelter these women are light and white its offensive and disrespectful. It really sends the wrong message.  I am sick and I need to prove to them im sick before I can lay down and rest these women have nothing wrong with them and they are inside. I will post emails between me and the shelter. What's even more offensive the white woman Ive had problems with. It looks alot she was rewarded. I had no idea ANYONE was inside during the hours of 7 and 4. I was aware there are people on bedrest, people who are sick but I was under the impression the POLICY applied to everyone. They way it should be.

These women are still sitting up in the shelter as we speak. Are required to go no where in the heat. The shelter tells on themselves if you are suppose to be there you are not in the mirror putting make up on in your pajamas as a COVER five minutes before departure time. You are sick you are employed you don't need a cover right? Exactly Goodbye. A lie. White. Thinks things magically falls from the sky. W e are talking about Pat Handy so they are aware Im upset about light bright and spoiled milk sitting inside while we squats on fucking bricks and on cement for an hour and half pointless while business professionals walk by  for the morning communute.

Let me put here We are treated like humans when hyporthermia alert comes on but for cold weatehr its I believe 32 and below and for hotweather I think its like 95 and above r something likethat. Watch PH top me. We missed it by a degree and we are outside on cycles. Fucking sad and ridiculous and they touting A FEMALES names

Moving on to Problem Child Number 2

Northeastern Library 7th street NE Washington, DC

Ive been going to that library for the past little while maybe a few weeks maybe a few months. Outside the no phone calls at the computer There were no issues. And even that was business related. I mind my business and im in and and out. Im looking for work. Don't know anyone beyond a familiar face. Around maybe a few days before the 11th of July maybe a week im not sure. Im noticing my computer is having suspicious activity that disrupts my work. obviously its very possible for technical issues to arise but three is too many times and noone else is having issues. I send a complaint via the website computer is messing up too many times and noone else is having problems. I literally have to closeout all programs three times. And I wont lie its not the best day but the library was none the wiser. Minding my business haven't said anything to anyone. I get an email following that incident days later.  The woman who intercepted my message via the library's website tried to imply she didnt know what library I was referring to. This is possible but I personally find it unlikely. It was sent from a Library computer and I typed in Northeastern Library so  I find it hard to believe she doesn't know what library Im referring to. AT that point it would appear like she is playing a game or attempting to cover for whomever. But she could have covered for whomever and just kept her mouth closed. She messy end of discussion. I respond with this message

Start Emails

Please excuse me for the tone of this email but quit frankly I wasn't expecting to have to hold the hand and do your job. I really didn't want to have to respond at all. Ive written two emails. Ive enclosed pictures to show you--whether or not someone incompetently put together a website or it;S DC policy TO hire stupid people and make it MY JOB TO figure our your JOB or YOU KNOW PRECISELY and this is another game I am hesitant to call and put a stop to.  It came from A dc library computer. You have my card number. I really hate to jump to conclusions. But people make it hard these days to come in and do mind their business and leave. I don't have time for this. I'm here for a reason to conduct business my business that has nothing to do with you. I don't have time to write complaints. Ive enclosed pictures. Hopefully someone gets paid to CONNECT DOTS.

-----Original Message----- From: Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) (DCPL) <deborah.ward@dc.gov> To: --- Sent: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 10:00 am Subject: RE: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

Which library were you visiting on Friday, June 30?

Thanks

-----Original Message----- From: dcplwebeditor@dc.gov [mailto:dcplwebeditor@dc.gov] Sent: Friday, June 30, 2017 2:52 PM To: Fayemi, Temitayo (DCPL); Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) Subject: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

----sent a message using the contact form at https://www.dclibrary.org/contact.

So I've been on this computer for about maybe an hour to an hour half and its frozen maybe three times in the last twenty minutes. I did ask someone else if there computer is freezing and there's was not. I'm not sure if its a technical issue but Its off my computer is freezing three times in an hour.

End Emails

Surprising enough this happened the same day as the emails on the eleventh. I did not send the emails until after I returned on the 13th. The emails were going to be sent should another situation arise. One presented itself the same day whether they are responsible I still am not sure. The library is not cooperative which places doubt  on them and due to their behavior following the incident and after I filed the police report I start leaning into asshwooping territory unfortunately.

Following the incident with the library the email pasted above sent to Ms. Ward on the 11th  was the last email I sent before  being sick by food poisoning the same  day. I sometimes go to 7 eleven that next  door But that day I stuck to my usual a croissant  which is packaged. Later that day around the time im doing laundry I go to Walgreens (Nesquick) and 7 eleven   (beefpattie) (one usual beef pattie is sporadic) . I'm doubled over sick by the end of the night. Ive talked to 7 eleven while nothings certain leaning towards Walgreens.  

The library is boldy unapologetic and even if they had nothing to do with still very much up for debate You are A business you are being paid to be a business professional which I have not seen. Not only does the situation demand a response I requested a response. To your fifty cent credit thats how much its worth considering I was poisoned and You are a likely candiate. Im mean. ANd disrespectful AND IM NOT apologetic. Look AT HOW YOU behave. They all need new lives that's how bad those emails were. LMAO it makes me feel better.  Nose in the air. And im still taller then you I dont see anything. You are being paid. These are rules and policy you have to follow. So sorry about it. Sucks for you.