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acourtofquestions · 6 months ago

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A long running list of Rowaelin moments that give me life (cause the pining is too much in QoS & things HAVE CHANGED so much since HoF; some spoiler alerts for both):

For all I hated at the start it is also all I grew to love…

They have never been black & white; good stories & characters never are. They are both sides of the coin for better & worse.

There is a reality & humanity to them (surprisingly so within the fantasy series of magical fae) because regardless of that fact; in good or bad they are seen, accepted, & known (in love or hatred). Something crucial for two characters who spend so much time invisible all the while desperately lonely despite their attempts to “try” & stay in the shadows wishing needing someone anyone to stay.

There is a natural ease of understanding within them, even from the beginning (when it was not easy). Rowan still manages to know her better than anyone, to the point of creating cruelty (on occasion) when his words were such sharp weapons poised to hit her exactly where it hurt most (without knowing the full why behind it); at this time he understood her but did not know her yet; even though he is not speaking to her as often as he is to himself, they are such of the same it has the same impact on them both. Then there is the beauty of when they do know & understand; how it helps them understand & see the other side to the coin for themselves, & choose to give them both kindness or at least pull a punch for the others sake; because they understand beyond the surface what it meant, because even the assassin & warrior who never shoot second will take a burn for the other or avoid the fight in the first place. They act as a mirror to each other.

They are also able to handle each other: something none of Aelin/Celaena’s relationships had before him; actually the opposite, it was a large fear of hers that led to everything feeling very fragile (or recklessly self-sabotaged before). She was afraid of herself, afraid as she had been taught to be, afraid as they were, & afraid for them & of them & their fear. — Dorian never fully understood her; though he was the first to admit it & try to know/love her better as a friend. — Chaol epically failed at this, & is trying to hopefully epically apologize. — Sam is the one who would have; he would have waited & been honored to hear her story just as he said, & when she was ready she would’ve told him knowing without doubt he would not turn away, it would’ve healed an unspoken wound in seconds if they’d had the time… though Sam didn’t have to know everything to know her & love her wholly (as he did); she never got the time to experience it, she may have known it but she needed that time to say the words & not see him change to her because that fear always echoed; especially after… but Rowan, Rowan was different. Rowan held her as it singed him & did not drop her once, Rowan watched her burn a forest & did not flinch, Rowan pushed her to let out the monster & not once forget who she really was or stop reminding her; not when she played meek, not when she made threats; he can handle the best worst & in-between, he can even handle proving it. And so can she; she may have drawn a line in the sand for herself after he shut her down, but she lets him back in, opens the conversation. They do not turn away. They are unafraid. They can handle it together.

In being so truly brutally known they feel loved, the only way they could; because they are known, there is no skeleton or lie or imposter syndrome to inevitably catch up & come true. They know even if they do not feel worthy, even if they are terrified of losing it (whether it be a mess up or twist of fate), they cannot outrun or outfight it or find sense in denying it, for whatever reason they are loved. & they meant it, for they had every reason not to; for the times they hurt each other they had meant it & knowing what they could do meant they chose this too & that their I love you is just as true. They both needed that; something so solidly built on such trust. —

Above all they are honest; it is all they have left, all they have ever been, what Celaena desperately needed especially as she accepts Aelin, what Rowan desperately needed in a reality check & cause to believe in. The other point being: they need each other, whether they like it or not (& it is not for a while; love terrifies them for good reason, but for each other they are also brave & learning to be braver in the safety of it).

As Aelin herself said best ‘no wonder they loathed each other’ & as I’d say to their yin-yang thing “no wonder they loved each other”

P.S. note (on the note of brave & meant to be; esp. as I love the multiple soulmates in a lifetime for all the things we grow to be & sometimes have no choice but to lose): I think Sam & Lyria would have wanted Rowan & Aelin for each other… I think they would’ve been thankful to know the ones they loved most would find someone who loved them so well too… I think for all Rowan & Aelin are, there is all Celaena & Sam, and Rowan & Lyria were. There is something healing in the way their relationship doesn’t take from that which was, nor them as they are, it just is. And I think for them the fact they both loved & lost like that means a lot; she needed someone who could go to the grave with her, who could hear her whisper of another love & know they are not less then, who could leave a stone because even if they never met he was grateful she had someone who loved her like this; he needed someone who could love him like this who could face him after he turns away, give him steps & breath & pace, brush the tears away & trace the marks knowing what they meant without worry of what it means. They are not a replacement or a replica or a better off, they are what they are, just as they were what they were. And that is a very real kind of love & understanding of grief & how intermingled these things can be while remaining somewhat wholly seperate; one that goes deeper than fiction; one that meant a lot to me to see represented.

(In new light of little recent-re-reads) 1st meeting with Maeve Celaena falls back into Rowan; that’s what keeps her standing… while it also keeps her from running… gotta give the guy credit for having the whole “tall dark handsome stranger” thing down.👌

He goes after her into the woods. He keeps his distance, he lets her go, but he did not let her leave just to run to her death. He would not let her leave like that, he would not leave her like that. His anger did not overpower his humanity, nor did it ruin his further understanding to knowing he missed something (he knows right then he was wrong & so slowly he starts figuring it out) & helping her know too.

He lets her fight him. He knows she needs to say it, needs to get rid of it, needs to be a wildfire; so he takes the burns. He lets her say the terrible true words of how she feels left without Nehemia. Because he knows her rage better than himself.

The “we’re not friends” don’t friend zone me undertone.

He thinks more of her before she does for/of herself. He sees a queen from the start, he never asks her to be it, but he always believes she is capable. He never doubts that.

Even in her anger she gives him credit for what he is. For the leader they look up to. For the punches she asked him to throw. For the life he would lay down for any of them. For the hero he is & she wishes she could show him so he’d see.

Though they never fear each other they do fear for each other. Instead of paralyzing or reckless within it they find ways to care for each other in it. He stays to care for her, she lets him. He lets her ask too many times if he’s okay after he gets hurt & lets her check for non-existent fevers, so she can sleep soundly too. They know they need to know that; & their hearts are in the others hands.

He tells her. He tells her about Lyria, about the baby, about Maeve, about him. Because he knows she needs to know him; because he needs her to know him. … She listens because she knows he needs to be heard. … Right there is a huge lifeline, as he decides to build the bridge of trust (even if he gets burned) & she decides to not hurt him with it. They begin to cradle the others vulnerability instead of using it as a bullseye. They earn each others trust.

He also later asks to hear about her because he truly wanted to know & doesn’t pretend to understand more when he does not (cannot); so he asks. And she tells him; because she wanted him to know. They get better at talking about things like that too.

In the matters they also don’t excuse the issue there in the first place: they do mess up & they know it, so they do better. … They keep trying & growing together. … She does not burn him again. He never uses those words again. The honesty is not complacent… it’s just, well, honest.

Minus the fact “there is only one bed” & despite his “one night only” warning they keep ONLY one bed.🤭😉

He pauses. He lets her pause. They pause. He wishes he’d have known before she burned, & she begins to tell him the next time. She wishes he’d have explained the words first, & so he does that night & again the next time. They go to other continents to deal with the pieces, they take the others pace. And they come back anyway because they need this; a chance to breathe. They take a day around Rifthold. They fight & still rest. … They are built to survive & last, the deep well, (slowly & they learn it together).

They are a very slow burn (pun intended?) & there is beauty in this of course but also a very very needed stand against time. Because they take their time, among a war; because they know there must be a life beyond it & they will not ruin it because of this. They will not let fear of the past & desperation cloud them into mistakes, they will not build this upon that; they will do it right, because they will not simply exist to exist they will live to live… It's why he never crosses that line & it's good because it would have been wrong; he never takes advantage of his command & her as a soldier, that would not be their beginning. It's why she never wanted the oath; she would never ask him to leave it all; she would never ask him (even if she needed to beg to save her own heart from breaking) she would not make him do that; she would not make that their beginning. They take the time to love each other as people first, not for anything more than that. To do this right. They are friends; and they are good true friends; even when it is a silly “just friends” moment, the truth is they are always friends on some level (something neither of them quite have or have had… not like this at least & I don’t mean romantic, I mean in the honest dear closeness they give without need for anything else).

— And in that note:

He stays on his knees ignoring his own burns for hours to give her the slightest relief in drips of water across her face. He sends her breezes. Even the wind carries her to him. THEY ARE FIRE & ICE!!!

“The Old Language word was beautiful on his tongue--and if she'd had a death wish, she might have begged him to speak only in the ancient language, just to savor the exquisite sounds.” — HE HAS AN ACCENT & he speaks MULTIPLE languages *Celaena agrees; swoon*

He bought her chocolate on her birthday🥹

SHE KISSED HIS CHEEK

He brushes her hair😭

He gives her a dagger; a sign of both respect & old fae heroics, but also trust not only from him to her & for her to feel safe with him. … It goes both ways.

He trusts her enough to give her the ability to kill him & burn the world knowing she will not; also trusting without doubt as he knows she is his carranam; and she can & will save them & the world… and she DOES. (She also just knows they are carranam too, she KNOWS)!

He does make the oath.

Gavriel knew Rowan would not want her hurt, he tries to save her for him & to save his friend (he knew); & when he cannot do that, he stops Rowan, because he knew he would die for her. Rowan screams for her, fights them for her, runs into war without a care, because it was her. And she faces the Valg, empowered to claim her title, terrified to let these people die, & unwilling to have him die; she would have died to save him too just the same, & she actually tries to.

They also fight for their lives knowing it is the others life as well (he felt her wound). Knowing what they have to lose & to live for. & still living beyond it. ‘He makes her want to live again. She makes him want to live again too.’

T H E N I G H T G O W N 👀 (even Lysandra knew lol😂 there is no casual way for Aelin & her to have had THAT “borrowing” conversation)😂

He knew who Sam was, he knew why she had that shirt, he knew why she went to the grave. He carried the pebbles too.

He outsmarted Arobynn. A little way, but he used the oil too, he didn’t let Arobynn have that over her. Just for her, to remind her, not because she needed it but because he needed her to know she was not alone. He challenged him. & also CHALLENGED😏 cause was I the only one who thought he gave some implication of how exactly the almond oil got onto both Aelin & him?🤣

He stands with her in the rain (I don’t care how the scene ended IT MEANT SOMETHING)!

Even Aedion knew not (for obvious reasons) including for the little ones; from the second it took to know why Aelin ran smiling “Rowan” or how Rowan held her🥹😊🥰 ‘looked at her the way she deserved to be seen’ THEY ALL SHIP IT

She let him use the expensive lavender soap😭

He understands✨fashion💖 (dragon dress 😉)

He’s happy when she finds a friend in Lysandra; never possessive (a common issue in this genre).

He loves Aedion FOR her (knowing what it meant to her) & becomes his brother (I mean it’s giving “call me brother-in-law” vibes😆)!

He helps her tell her story but always in her time.

She noticed the tiny tear in the cloak😅😭

They plot together… cause couples that plot together… stay together? *& on Lorcans list*😅