#whole fam didn’t like the 10 year

[jtl-fics]

Fellas, is it bad form to get drunk at a wine tasting?

[bananaactivity]

Kickin It AU + Evie sketch

So if you’ve been following me on tumblr you know I have an in depth Descendents AU and a MBAV AU that I love… And I just rewatched a fav show of mine and instantly had a new AU crafted from thin air AGAIN! Third time this year bro…

A Kickin it AU…. Yeah I went crazy with this one. I literally dug up the most obscure one off characters to make this new AU. I’m so sad that this fandom is basically dead but tumblr is the place to do bullshit for fun so I will be doing that.

The guy above is Kai Brewer and if my AU inspires you to rewatch Kickin it I’m just going to warn you that Kai is only in two episodes of four seasons. In fact the main villains of my AU are made up of one off guest stars. Just like the fandoms of olden days…

Here are some sketches I WILL be reworking of Jack Brewer and Milton Krupnick respectively:

My AU is aged up to 18 because I relate to that age group. Kickin it is a show about a friend group doin karate and that’s it. If you know about the fandom you’re probably thinking “what about the will they won’t they between Jack and Kim?? 🥺” Honestly that plot line is the same as the will they won’t they for Sam and Freddie. That is to say it’s clear that nobody except the fandom cares about that. The writers add tidbits during some episodes and backtrack to keep the fandom watching and then they break up kinda.

Honestly I just see them as freinds and I almost think of Jake as aromatic but I literally head cannon everybody that way probably because I’m projecting so I dunno fam.

As for the AU I find that the Black Dragons were underutilized as direct parreles to the Wasabi Warriors. So I seek to rectify that. The only reoccurring black dragons throughout the first three seasons are Ty the Sensei and Rudy’s past best friend and Frank. A pedophile. Yeah that bitch is 19 and he’s obsessed with 14 yr old Kim. For no reason… he didn’t have to be 19. So obviously I fixed that bullshit.

The BDs are in universe considered the more prestigious Dojo as well as the most evil. They fight dirty in every competition shown in the show which parrales the Wasabi code which is all about honesty and fairness. ( even tho half the plots are about the WWs doing the opposite of that sometimes with no consequences lmao)

Kai is Jacks cousin and the only guy who was able to beat him. That’s significant as Jack is literally the most op guy in the whole show. Bro can take out 10 grown men by himself at the age of 15 in five minutes at most. So in my AU those two are parreles to each other. Cousins who trained together and who fell out long ago over different views on what martial arts is for. Both student leaders of their Dojos while also being mirrors of their senseis relationship. Their Sensies Rudy (Jack) and Ty (Kai) which also trained together but fell out because of a fart. (Fr bro and I will not be changing that cse it’s hilarious)

The rest of the Evil team are banded together after Jack beats their asses in the cannon of the show and they all mysteriously get envites to join the Black Dragon Dojo. Brody Carlson ( played by Billy Unger) gets a major change to the og. He got redeemed cause he was a guest star from Lab Rats but in my AU he stays bad because now he’s reoccurring. Jack hands his ass to him and he’s mad. He’s a parallel to Jerry as the third best in the dojo. Carson Hunter ( played by Boo Boo Stewart ) was originally a parallel to Jack as the liar reveal plot line. He was also a special guest star like Unger. Here he’s Kim’s parrallel as second best of his Dojo and due to the fact that he was Kim’s Jack before Jack who turned out to be a cheater. The reason I made him 2nd instead of first is because Kai is way more evil then him and had a bigger impact on Jacks life. Hes the reason Jack stoped doing Martial Arts for two years. And after that he tried to kill his cousin twice just so he couldnt get a trophy. Once with gang activity actually. All Carson does is like take Jacks place in one competition and use a tiny sand bag in his hand wraps that Jack exploded instantly with a single punch. Frank Bickle is a parallel to Milton Krupnick more like a smart guy verses dumbass type thing. Frank was portrayed often in the og show so I don’t have to explain him. He’s a dumb ass bully brute who Jack manhandles every chance he gets. Arther Turner (played by Sterling Beaurmon) is a parallel to Eddy. Arther was a rich, rude, and petty guy and I think that Eddy is a pretty down to earth and sweet person. Both of them are shit at karate though and it would be brutally unfair to pit them against all the other more capable characters. Arther definitely throws money at his problems lowkey.

At first all the villain characters don’t get along together so they can’t beat the WW who have the power of friendship and Jack on their side but as they slowly become freinds they get more dangerous. Like most of these characters were black belts or on par with Jack and their position as one offs led to them being shafted for how they could challenge the Wasabi crew. Here I can write fun dynamics for them and give Jack a massive run for his money which I believe he really needed. Like bro was INVINCIBLE there are no stakes, if someone goes against Jack it doesn’t matter. If you’re young, old, or what Jack will handle your ass quickly and will not break a sweat. Like don’t cross him or your ass is DONE.

Imagining an equally powerful group with a close bond who directly oppose and parallel them is really intriguing. It’s also more down to earth then my Descendants AU. I don’t have to deal with a massive magical world with magical powers. It’s a small town called Seabrooke with some rival Dojos engaging in classic teen rivalry shenanigans. There is no massive goal here except proving who’s better by the end of senior year’s competition season.

Imma do more of this AU cause I love it and I can’t let it go.

Also here’s Evie in da dress.

DAMNNNNN 👅

Ask questions about any AUs if you’d like. I love questions 😝!

[universaln0b0dy]

Rotten dreams (twisted wonderland x oc) incorrect quotes

(please keep in mind for this that Lydia looks and sounds like she hasn't slept in ten years)

Crowley: Oh my [fucking ]sevens, what the fuck was that?

Lydia: Me reactivation my brain functions, I couldn't stand your bullshit

Crowley: you are very rude, but I was talking about how your leg twisted the other way and nothing happened.

Lydia: Oh, dying ten times made me ✨flexible ✨

----

Lydia: I got that opposite rizz. The second I start talking we are immediately on bad terms.

----

Carter: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Lydia: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Ruggie: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Lydia: Good thinking.

(This trio probably only works in mu universe but 🤷‍♀️)

----

Sam: Would a Ms. Lydia please come to the front desk?

Lydia, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Sam: points to Ace, Deuce and Grim

Sam: I believe they belong to you?

Ace, deuce and grim, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Lydia: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

----

Riddle: *Screams*

Lydia: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Trey: Should we do something?

Carter: No, I want to see who wins

----

Crowley: Listen, I can explain...

Crewel: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Sam: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

Lydia: You guys are getting paid?

----

Lydia: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

----

Lydia: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Carter: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

----

Lydia: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Ramshakle Ghosts: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Lydia: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

----

Lydia as soon as Crowley tells her there is a problem: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

----

(lydia has to relearn english)

Lydia: A theif.

Riddle: Thief?

Lydia: Theif.

Riddle: I before E, except after C.

Lydia: Thceif.

Riddle: No.

----

Lydia: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Deuce:

Ace:

Carter:

Grim:

Everyone Else At lydias Surprise Birthday Party:

Deuce: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

----

Lydia: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Deuce: The cow???

Lydia: What?

Ace: Deuce, W H Y?

----

Lydia: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Ruggie: I think you mean cards.

Lydia, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

----

Ace: lydia isn’t answering her phone

Grim: I’ll call

Ace: Deuce and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Lydia: Hello?

----

Ortho: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Lilia: Not if they consent to it.

Lydia: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Idia: YES?!?

----

Lydia , walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Ace: Hey.

Sebek: Hi.

Epel: Hello.

Jack : Hey!

Lydia : I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Deuce: We were out of Doritos.

----

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Carter : Thanks fam!

Lydia: oh no

Rook: *cries* I love you too

Jamil: Sounds fake but okay

Ruggie: can i get a refund?

----

Lydia : Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Ace: >:O language

Deuce: Yeah watch your fucking language

Epel: OKAY WHO TAUGHT DEUCE THE FUCK WORD?

Jack : 'The fuck word'.

Sebek: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Deuce: Oh my god they censored it

Jack : Say fuck, Sebek.

Deuce: Do it, Sebek. Say fuck.

Hehe he I am looking forward to posting the actual story

[ryncorrect]

The Ssum 2 is actually... not that bad?

It has been 14-ish days since The Ssum: Love From Today (or The Ssum Season 2 if we must) was released. We were introduced to a new character named June, a blonde cutie pie that looks kinda sad (?) and fragile (?) and reminds me of Yoosung from the very first picture release. His voice and the way he talks even gives off Yoosung vibe even more. The spoiler stated, “He has ties to someone from Mystic Messenger,” and I was like, OKAY YOOSUNG????? Or perhaps a little far off, RIKA????? Then bam it’s actually—welp if you haven’t played it yet then I’ll let you find it out yourself lol

The revelation received mixed reaction from “wtf” to “WTF??” and I gotta admit I was one of them who was like,,,,, why,,,,, but it didn’t get to make me stop playing June route because:

- The writing in this season actually gets better

Teo route was boring af (spoiler alert?) boi kept doing part time jobs, we got two couple fights that didn’t even make sense, and somehow he ended up getting involved in a cult like ??????? I know they were trying to build a slow pacing relationship that lasted 200 days and added many “realistic” things but fam this aint it. And don’t get me started with the waiting time in between his chats, like 20+ minutes to wait for him climbing a hill, in a bed time chat? Nah fuk u man

Harry route.... god I hate don’t like it very much because 1) he doesn’t make it easy for me at all, 2) some of MC options in the chat are either gold-diggerish, or very jealous, or mean, or ignorant, and I don’t wanna be that kinda person

Don’t get me wrong, Teo and Harry are good characters and their designs are cool but the storytelling... is really all over the place

Since the writer from Cheritz’s previous games including Mysme is making a comeback in this season for June, playing his route now I can really see the difference. June started off falling in love instantly for MC and in only like 5 days I found out he has terminal disease. Nice. Tragic and angsty and very Mysme of you, June

BUT other than that, the conversation flows nicely, not too short and too long, the waiting time is reasonable, and I love how we get to talk about the planets thing in the chat; MC telling June to write in Gratitude Diary, June telling MC that he likes to read stuffs in Root of Desire, Piu-Piu advising us to look around the planets as we wait for June. It makes a huge difference for me. The whole meeting-a-fateful-stranger-in-some-random-app concept feels more realistic, and those planets are now part of the story and not just there to... exist. Though, it does make me wonder if June has this battery thing going on for him too, and if that’s why he doesn’t call us as often as Teo used to (but I’m still on day 10 and he’s currently trying to recover his health, so perhaps he probably just doesn’t get the energy and time to call us often lolol)

AND I KINDA LIKE PIU-PIU HERE. It feels... useful and friendly now. Piu-Piu in Teo route feels like a mean sassy bird and Piu-Piu in Harry route is just weird and likes to invade people’s privacy

- June having ties with Mysme character

Yes, this is also another reason I keep playing. Finding out that this new lovable character has a relationship with one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite games? I’m sold. I don’t care if this is just some way of Cheritz to get Mysme players into The Ssum. They have the right to do so—I mean it’s their game??? Some people are also saying that Cheritz should just release another contents for Mysme rather than doing this with The Ssum, and I think that’s valid. But Mysme has been running for years already, and keeping an otome game around for this long must be very hard. Releasing another content for Mysme means that Cheritz must gather their old writers, old artists, and old voice actors and perhaps they don’t have the resources to do so

Ofc this reason might not be true and Cherits just simply doesn’t want to work on Mysme anymore, and that’s their decision I’d like to respect

Also, if Teo and Harry made me miss Mysme because of their poor writing, June here actually makes me want to play Mysme again because he’s related to ***** and it’s fun being able to see ***** from different perspective

Moreover I’d rather be a gf of June who has half-brother (oops) from Mysme than being Zen’s ex. Wtf was that

And who knows? Maybe we will get another chara who’s related to V next????? Idk tho it might be too much of a stretch but I’m not gonna complain lol

- Cheritz is trying their very best

Them using AI art is wrong, and they have addressed that issue so I won’t repeat it here. I just wanna acknowledge their effort in making a game we would enjoy. They're pretty fast in handling and responding to our complaints, they still give us some battery freebies in the game so people who can't afford batteries or subscription can save them to play, and tbh you don't have to purchase every paid option in the chat too (I know I don't). Some players also share the paid pictures online, so you can decide to pay just for the pictures you wanna keep. We have a friendly and helpful community ;_;

The subscription price is still too much for many players and I myself can’t afford it every month because I have a family to feed, but I try to understand that in the end Cheritz is still an independent company that has to make profit. They have to pay rent, their employees, and people who work with them. I encourage people who can afford to keep supporting them, and those who can’t, I’m sure Cheritz appreciates our support and feedback just as much!

In conclusion, I just love them and I hope they keep up with the hard work

I want to say much more tbh but I’m kinda tired so now I’ll get back to work—while waiting for June for our lunch chat

[shinyhappysims]

Onyeka Family Update #2

All the Oneyka kids are finally married, so I think now is a good time for another update.

As a treat, this update will be from Adaeze’s POV, because we love to hear from a fellow snarker. Long post ahead because I probably won’t be doing this for the Onyeka fam again and I want to give a semblance of a conclusion to some of their stories.

My parents Bre (66) and Chukwuma (69) Onyeka are living their golden years in Henford-on-Bagley. I would say they tried their best at raising us but I’m not so sure I believe that. My parents and I don’t talk much, which is more than okay by me. They’ve forgiven me for the whole “secretly applied to college, snuck out and took a bus an hour away and never came back” thing. It’s the fact that literally everything else I’ve done after feels like a personal attack on them and everything they taught me. That’s more their problem than mine, to be honest.

The oldest Nnadi (39) is married to Miguel (39). They have a staggering quiver of 13 arrows: Gideon (21), Ephraim (19), Shoshanna(17), Bartholomew (14), Abigail (12), Obadiah (10), Keturah (8), Solomon (6), Tirzah (5), Maranatha (4), Galilee (3), Naphtali (1), Ebenezer (0). Yes, I definitely knew all the names of my sister’s kids off the top of my head and didn’t stalk her Simstagram and write down the names just a few minutes before this. Nnadi is obnoxious. I’m not mincing my words because she’s never had the grace to do so with me. She’s literally the person people talk about when they say they don’t like Christians. But that’s amazing for her. She can claim persecution for her beliefs. My parents are so proud that they made her a perfect little doormat for Jesus. All of her kids so far seem to be the same way. Glory be, I guess.

Kelechi (38) and Sandrine (41) are the Pastor and 1st lady of Calvary Baptist Church in Brindleton Bay. They have 4 children: Faith (16), Daniel (9), Noah (7), and Grace (5). They are, in my opinion, true Christians. Kelechi always has been supportive of me and my siblings that aren’t the way my parents dreamed. As a pastor, he tries his hardest to give objective answers and uses the bible to support his advice, which has led to his popularity as a mentor. Calvary’s population has nearly doubled in his time as pastor. Kelechi and Sandrine were not intending to have such a large gap between Faith and Daniel. Their marriage was very strained in the first few years and they thought having another child would be the fix. Unfortunately, Sandrine had a battle with cancer. Luckily it was caught in the early stages and she pulled through, but the way Kelechi treated her during that time strengthened their relationship and they had more children because they actually loved each other now. If anyone deserves that happy ending, it’s them.

My twin and favorite sibling Chidi (36) is in an open domestic partnership with the lovely Sade (37). They live in San Myshuno and have no kids, and probably never will. Chidi is an attorney and Sade is an artist. For awhile, Chidi flew under the radar and didn’t make too many waves but that changed about 5 years ago. I think it was a combination of turning 30 and meeting Sade that made him want to stop trying to appease our parents and just live the way he wanted. Chidi is no longer a Christian. He wanted to stay one at first but the more he deconstructed, the more he realized it wasn’t a fit for him.

It’s me, Adaeze (36)! The Onyeka family failure—not at all. My parents just wish I was. When my husband Raj (38) isn’t being an absolute dreamboat he’s an art restoration specialist at the Simsonian Museum here in Newcrest. We have the coolest little girl named Kali (6) and I haven’t told anyone yet, but we have a second baby on the way! My parents have never met Kali and I don’t plan on letting them. Growing up is hard enough when you don’t have your own grandparents trying to drag you into a cult.

My sister Isioma (34) and her husband Anwar (36) are living their best lives in Del Sol Valley. They have 5 kids and are expecting number 6 anyday now: Imani (11), Aaliyah (9), Malik (8), and twins Layla and Rahim (4). Isioma has somehow mastered the balance between impressing Mom and Dad and doing whatever she wants. As much as I love her, there are just some things that I can’t talk to Isioma about. She’s nowhere near as bad as Nnadi, but I don’t think she realizes just how close minded she still is. She’s slowly getting better though.

(hi it’s kwanjai please ignore that Layla’s hair glitched black and the twin’s diapers aren’t changed it’s been a long day and I refuse to take this pic again lmao)

Jachike (32) lives in Windenburg with his wife Maisie (29). They have 7 children: Renata (9), Beaumont (7), Irving (6), Gwendolyn (5), Cordelia (2), Anneliese (1) and Hans (0). I’m fully convinced that they only got married because they were horny for each other and now they don’t know what to do except keep fucking and having more kids. They don’t really seem well matched in my opinion either. Growing up, Jachike was a down to earth, guy next door type, and Maisie just seems extremely out of touch. I mean… she named a child Hans. Maisie also mentioned she only wanted 8 kids, but she’s got a lot of child bearing years left, so I have no clue what her plan is.

Nnadi Jr. Ifeanyi (29) is married to Nolan (40) and is the proud mother of 6 children: Jordan (8), Lorelai (6), Connor (5), Thomas (4), Alanna (2), and Natasha (0). The only difference between Ifeanyi and Nnadi is that Ifeanyi follows the bible’s command for women to be quiet. All that hate just simmers on the inside. The average person would be rightfully weirded out by her and her husband’s age gap, but Ifeanyi wears it with pride. She thinks it’s a testament to her maturity and meekness. No, bestie… you were groomed. Anyways, my money is on her to have the most kids out of all of us.

Ifeanyi’s much cooler twin sister Onyinye (29) is married to Joseph (29) and they have 1 daughter, Nwanneka (1). Growing up I became really close to Onyinye. When I moved out I felt like I was leaving behind my child. Onyinye is like me in a lot of ways: science career, having kids on our own terms, only ones with hot husbands. The only difference is she’s still a Christian. I’m proud she was still able to find the loving aspects of that religion, even though I wasn’t. I also love that she doubled down on her emo phase. I remember our mom used to force her and Ifeanyi to dress alike in sickeningly pink bows and huge, frilly dresses.

Lotanna (27) lives in a sad beige house in Henford-on-Bagley with his sad beige wife Tori (27) and their sad beige children Brixten (2) and Trigg (0). Lotanna is the sibling I’m most wary of. He seems normal on the surface, especially now that he’s married to picture perfect Tori, but then he opens his mouth and the foulest statement you’ve ever heard pops out. He’s never evolved passed edgy Simeddit thread humor, except now it’s not humor, he legitimately thinks that way. I seriously feel bad for his future daughters.

Sochima (26) has been married to Ciaran (28) for just under a year. I’ve never met Ciaran in person. He seems like the average guy we grew up with, which would be horrifying for me, but a dream for Sochima. Surprised that we haven’t gotten a pregnancy announcement from them yet. I would’ve put her up there with Nnadi and Ifeanyi in terms of the number of babies she would pop out. Wonder what’s going on there.

[jofie-does-things]

If your feeling it maybe something along the lines of:

I am clearly not attracted to you that's why I'm trying to avoid you at all costs/ I don't know how I'm supposed to focus on this meeting with you staring at me like that.

For a possible Machiavelli x reader. 😖

I was today years old when I found out that Ezio is actually older than Machiavelli by 10 whole years!!

Divide

Summary: “Niccolò Machiavelli is not a man to beg, but you bring him near enough.”

Pairing: Niccolò Machiavelli x Mercenary!Reader (AC: Brotherhood)

Word Count: 2.9K

Genre: Angst with a pinch of fluff

Warnings: Depictions of slight gore

A/N: Sorry about the wait on this! I had such a tough time trying to figure out how to write this man into a romantic scenario, but I finally ended up with something I’m happy with! Hope you enjoy! <3

No beta we die like Ezio’s fam

“I am clearly not attracted to you that’s why I’m trying to avoid you at all costs.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to focus on this meeting with you staring at me like that.”

Deep beneath the stained glass rooms of the Vatican, where Gregorian hymns of reverence morph into the screams of those who dare defy the Borgia family, Niccolò Machiavelli follows Micheletto Corella through the dense fog of suffering. The shadows of the thin hallway are suffocating, even with the guiding light of the torch in his hand.

The dark colors of the robes that Cesare’s personal assassin wears bleed into the shapes cast onto the stone walls. If Niccolò didn’t know better, he’d have mistaken his silent demeanor for a phantom, a long dead innocent with no hope of escaping here alive. The hairs on the back of his neck and his instincts kept him from believing it.

A low groan to his left caught his attention, steps momentarily slowing to peek into the cell next to him.

What hit him first was the smell.

Inside the small room, a man– or what was left of him– had clearly been left to rot. Whip marks and knife cuts deep enough to sever tendons littered his body. There were chunks of flesh torn off at the ends of his appendages; where the starving rats took their share and the man had been too weak to bat them off. The scene sends an imperceptible shiver down his back. He’s not normally one to shy away from gore, but the torture is different from the quick killings he’s done.

“This way.” The gravelly voice of the man up ahead echoes down the chamber. Niccolò notices that he’d continued on into the darkness ahead, seemingly indifferent to the lack of light. It’s not for the first time that night that he’s left wondering what deal Micheletto has made with the devil to become the man he is.

The dirt underfoot grinds against the floor as Niccolò follows after.

They come to a stop in front of a cell, equally as unassuming as the previous doors. Its rusted hinges screech loud enough to drown out the groans of the other prisoners.

Inside there’s a man strapped to a chair. The moonlight shining through the grate far above them has the blood shimmering like rubies. He’s more alive and put together than the previous man, but littered with wounds more precise. Incisions meant to hurt. To torture. Meant to incentivize into giving up information.

Niccolò is surprised he’s lasted so long that Micheletto himself has to deal with him.

The assassin steps forward, shrugging off his doublet and unsheathing his dagger. With silent steps, Micheletto swings the pommel towards the man’s jaw. It connects with a sickening crack that has Niccolò wincing minutely. The man groans in pain, leaning as spit and blood drool out of the side of his mouth.

“Honestly, if that had worked, then you would not have been summoned here, Micheletto.”

The voice comes from the shadows at the back of the room. A figure that Niccolò hadn’t registered in its stillness emerges, tutting at the actions of the assassin in front of him. He lets out an aggravated noise, choosing to ignore you.

You’re sauntering towards the two men, taking graceful, deliberate steps to avoid the mess of blood pooling beneath the prisoner. Your hand rests delicately on his back as he’s hunched over the ground. The touch brings him back to the present, sitting up to the best of his ability.

Gentle fingers swipe across the blood on his chin, both assessing the impact and guiding his eyes toward you. Niccolò’s skin prickles.

“Can you still speak?” You coo at the man. You’re rubbing gentle circles into his jaw and leaning into his space and Niccolò is amazed at the enthusiasm with which the man nods his head as a broken “Y-yeah” leaves his mouth. If he weren’t so mesmerized by your actions himself he would’ve been shaking his head at how easily his recruit caved.

A small smile curves over your lips and you eye him out of the corner of your eyes. It has his breath hitching and the sly look on your face has him remembering why you’re so dangerous in the first place.

“I do not know how I'm supposed to focus on this meeting with you staring at me like that.”

It catches him off-guard for a split-second– something that hasn’t happened to him in years– but he schools his panic and racing heartbeat into neutrality. He takes a step forward, clearing his throat as he bows and greets you formally. You slide off the side of the chair where you’ve perched yourself and pace toward him. Your unyielding gaze sets his nerves alight and the air around him seems to buzz.

“It has been so long since we have had someone who knew how to have fun around here,” you cast a look at the ever silent Micheletto, who only grunts in response. The curl of your smile and the glinting of your teeth in the torchlight reminds him of a panther. He has the distant thought that Ezio would love you, if you weren’t currently working for the Borgia. “Nice to see you again, Niccolò.”

A curt, “Likewise” is all he feels comfortable mustering in the presence of the two other men in the cell. The word serves as a dismissal to you and a reminder that he has other priorities at the moment. As unshakeable as ever, you take his gruffness in stride; with an amused giggle and the roll of your eyes.

“Let’s get on with this, shall we?” Niccolò sends Micheletto an impatient look. The assassin wastes no time in laying out his personal armory on a rickety table off to the side.

“Aw Niccolò, I thought the reason why you came here with him was because you were too attracted to me to resist.” The playful pout and the weight of you against his chest sends an electric current up his spine. Looking away, he regards you with his best attempt at a scowl.

“I am clearly not attracted to you, that's why I'm trying to avoid you at all costs.”

“Ah, so it is because of me,” Your cooing has his brain going haywire, but your proximity has him fidgeting with a nervousness that hasn’t plagued him since he was a child. Your gaze slides to the man tied to the chair. “Or is it something else?”

His breath hitches imperceptibly. The comforting warmth of your hand is scorching now, branding every groove of your palm into his skin. You turn your scrutinizing gaze back to him, watching with clever eyes, like a fox toying with its prey. The ends of your lips tilt up with the slight narrow of your brow. His skin feels too tight.

As Micheletto steps up to the prisoner, Niccolò lets out a silent plea for forgiveness. 

Then, the butcher begins to carve.

~~

Minutes feel like hours in the short time that Micheletto works, separating skin from muscle and muscle from bone. Starving rodents linger along the edges of the cell, trained to associate the pained screams with their next meal after the torture is over and done with. The resulting iron tang fills Niccolò’s senses as he focuses on the fruitless venture of the assassin in front of him.

Beside him, you stand uncharacteristically silent. Your turn at coaxing any information out of the man having failed minutes prior. If Niccolò himself hadn’t been there to oversee his own recruit, he doubts the man would’ve put up such a strong defense to your charms.

When the time was up, you’d sent the prisoner a pitying glance and stepped back with a lingering touch to his cheek as Micheletto approached to take over.

There’s a tenseness in you that he’s had to train himself to recognize. No doubt you’ve observed the same in him in the time he’s spent down here.

He chances a comforting brush of his pinky against yours; too light to truly grasp onto, but solid enough to know it’s there. The slight twitch of your finger in return is enough to let him know that it’s acknowledged and appreciated. 

He knows you aren’t one to bask in the gore that Micheletto delivers. You’ve always had a penchant for mischief; especially if it serves to reward you with a full purse and an entertaining time. But this crosses far into the territory of brutality that neither of you care to venture.

Minutes pass without a single interrogating question having left the butcher. The agonized wailing echoes through the cell; only interrupted by another round of skin-splitting hacking. The next series of pleas as Micheletto raises his blade to flesh again sends Niccolò marching forward.

“Enough!” The assassin’s blow is interrupted as Niccolò grabs his wrist, wrenching the blade from his hand. “That is enough! This is no longer an interrogation. Leave him alone!”

Niccolò’s grip on the instrument tightens as Micheletto shifts forward to snatch it back, gravel crunching underfoot.

“We are here to get answers from him!” The assassin hisses as he swings for the knife, Niccolò drawing back just enough to keep it out of reach. He maneuvers around the man as he stumbles, marching to the table laid out with his torture utensils and folding the pack up in one swift movement.

“We won’t get answers from him if you kill him before we can ask.” Niccolò snarls as he shoves the leather case into Micheletto, knocking him back just enough to stumble over himself. “And if he dies before we can find Ezio Auditore, I’ll be sure to point Cesare to the man responsible.”

The prisoner’s pained moans echo in the cell as Micheletto storms out, knocking you with his shoulder on the way out. A small smirk of approval curls at the edge of your lips as you watch the man retreat back through the prison. You glance once more at the man, before turning to Niccolò.

“Signora.” He bows and gestures for you to make your leave ahead of him.

Your smirk stays rooted to your face, combined with a look that he’s not sure he should be finding attractive or worrisome.

“Signore.” You bow your head in return and leave him with a knot of concern in his chest.

Alone in the cell, he chances one last look at the prisoner as he schemes an escape plan in his head.

He will have to move faster than expected.

~~

Navigating the same maze is exponentially harder in the dark. A good thing that Niccolò had memorized the route here and back. The squeaking of a rat running off accompanied the squeal of the hinges as he slowly nudges the door ajar.

The cell is in the same state of chaos as they’d left it. His recruit, now untied, lay in a heap next to the chair, almost as if he’d slid right off and stayed there. That’s probably what happened, in all likelihood.

With silent, deliberate steps, Niccolò rushes forward to prop the man up. He checks his pulse. Alive. He breathes a sigh of relief. A pained groan leaves the man as he helps him up, the weight of him tugging while Niccolò struggles to stand.

There’s an exit the long way around, through labyrinthian halls that exit through the back of the vatican. It’s an inconspicuous entrance for captives that weren’t worthy to have their blood spilled on marble floors to meet their fates in the neverending darkness.

He just had to make it out, meet Volpe’s men, and the man would live to see another day of freedom.

“Somehow, I knew I would find you back down here.”

The melody of your voice sends a shiver down his spine, heart momentarily freezing as your figure is revealed behind the door of the cell. He stutters in his step, the weight of the prisoner lolling forward and pulling Niccolò to steady him.

“What are you doing here?” His voice is only slightly strained. Slow, graceful steps bring you to him.

“I would ask the same of you,” you gesture to the man slung across Machiavelli’s shoulder, “but it seems I’ve interrupted a plan of yours.” The warmth of your breath ghosts over the shell of his ear as you lean in.

“To answer your question, mio caro, Cesare hired me to catch you.”

Blood roars in his ears and his heart drops at the revelation. He searches your face for any sign that this might be a joke of yours to throw him off. The serene expression on your face never wavers. Cold in its rigidity as you watch him piece together the fact that this is no prank of yours.

It’s the only time you’ve ever delivered an answer so blatantly.

In the darkness of the cell, he plants his feet, heart racing a mile a minute as he considers the obstacle you’ve become. Silence weighs like a blanket over the two of you. Despite the way you recognize the look of realization on his face, you don’t move to speak; lips quirked in amusement as the words tumble over each other in his mind.

He is not one to plead, especially not in his line of work. A simple “So?” is all he can muster through gritted teeth.

“So, we have fifteen minutes before Cesare’s guards flood this prison in search of you.” You move to position yourself underneath the prisoner's other arm and begin to pull him forward with you.

It takes Niccolò more than a moment to recover from the whiplash of your admission and your apparent help before he’s digging his feet into the ground to spur the three of you faster. He’ll have the time to work through the confusion when he’s back to Tiber Island.

~~

Maneuvering a half-dead assassin recruit through the pitch blackness of the prison tunnels has its challenges. You appear to have memorized the way out entirely. He wishes he had the time to question you. The weight of the man and the oppressive darkness keeps him silent.

Every noise is a skipped heartbeat for Niccolò; either manifesting as a rat or a creak of the prison structure itself. At his side, you coo quietly to the recruit, keeping him quiet so as not to alert anyone to the prison break.

Freedom comes into view with the sight of moonbeams spilling over the gravel floor. It’s surprisingly easy to force the lock open and slip out into the marbled courtyards of the Vatican.

A cart waits in the shadow of the pillars off to the side, the ebony stallion tethered to it tosses its head with impatience. The two of you haul the recruit to the cart. Niccolò lays him in the hay, promising medicinal help soon, before he turns back to you.

If circumstances were different, he probably would call you ethereal in the light of the moon.

If circumstances were different, you might’ve appreciated the compliment.

Instead, the quiet of the night remains as you linger; neither of you willing to say a word.

A small huff of amusement escapes you, stepping forward and brandishing a black lump of cloth. He sends you a confused look as he accepts it.

“You didn’t expect to make it out without some sort of disguise did you?” A mirrored puff of laughter escapes him in return.

“Well, until ten minutes ago I did not know I was being hunted.”

“Right, you would have planned for it otherwise.” You say with an eye roll. He settles the cloak on his shoulders with a flourish.

You’re retreating to the looming marble fortress and before he can think better of it, he’s tugging you into a kiss.

It’s all unspoken longing and a tangle of heat. Your mouth moves against his in a way that makes up for the skill he lacks. If you had more time, you’d probably tease him for it. But you don’t and he sinks further into the feeling of you, savoring the way your body presses against his. Your arms are thrown around his shoulders, an action altogether surprising but not unwelcome to Niccolò.

He almost abandons his mission then and there.

Almost.

It’s a moment too short when you break away from him, your arms brushing their way down his shoulders to meet his forearms. The touch leaves his skin burning in its wake. You move to pull away, but he holds you there, looking insistently into your eyes.

“Come with me.” It’s barely a whisper; to you, it’s deafening. You pull away with a sadness in your face that he wishes he could kiss away.

“I cannot. Cesare will be looking for me and it will only lead straight to your organization.”

To you– but he doesn’t need to hear you say it to know.

Niccolò Machiavelli is not a man to beg, but you bring him near enough. Any protests are silenced as you draw a velvet pouch from your cloak and shift it into his hands. The weight of the coins are as heavy as his heart. You fold his fingers over it and press a lingering kiss to his knuckles; soft as the velvet he holds.

Then you pull away; the skin where you were, cold in the evening air.

“Grazie,” he bows his head to you, “Signora.”

“Signore.” You mirror him; the amused smile curves your lips again. Like the embrace never happened.

He watches you go for a few moments before he’s pulling himself up into the driving seat and setting the stallion off at a brisk pace. The velvet pouch sits attached to his belt; its weight, a comfort as he makes his way home.

You���ll probably be on a ship, embarking for new lands by the time he finishes his journey to the hideout.

He hopes he’ll see you again.

Knowing you, it’ll be sooner than he expects.

[dangermousie]

Welcome to the Circle of Love ep 1, better titled as Warlord Amnesia BDSM aka thank you for the present, youku!

Youku once again proves that its short dramas are where it’s at. I will be very sad once the censors inevitably wake up to the craziness going on in short dramas but until that day, welcome to Republican warlords the way they should be done - violent and sex having! Ep 1 packs a lot in its short 11 minute runtime. And not an innocent ingenue or wholesome male lead in sight!

We open on a woman in a bridal outfit who is having a very hot wedding night but not the way she imagined.

Our poor heroine has just seen her whole family, including dad, massacred and flambeed. 

I especially appreciate the shot of the pocket watch she drops because nobody will convince me it’s not a little nod to Too Late to Say I Love You, the last time a proper length cdrama had an appropriately unhinged and murderous warlord ML.

Anyway, two years later, meet our scrumptious ML aka Warlord McWhorington. He is known for three things (a) murdering heroine’s family aka richest family in wherever and thus earning bigwig’s approbation (b) sleeping his way to the top by banging bigwig’s daughter (no, the gossipers make it explicit he earned his rank in bed. They are wrong, it’s clearly bed and murder) and (c ) being a violent sexy headcase.

He is there to chill with his girlfriend/sugar mama (who is rocking the possessive unhinged secondary girl vibe like a 2002 kdrama secondary girl, I am all for it!) but his attention is drawn by a pretty, masked singer. By his girlfriend’s reaction, not the first time either. Do they have oats in China? Because that man is clearly sowing his.

Anyway, everyone dances and the singer deliberately swaps partners to dance with sexy warlord. His gun IS big and very hard after all.

Bwahaha secondary girl, same!

Masked dancer lady makes small chitchat like asking him if he prefers to bury his enemies’ bodies whole or chopped into pieces and what he likes to do with his women. “If she is an enemy, make her submit” replies the hero in case we didn’t get before what kind of kink we are catering to here!

Then he gropes her in public! But it’s OK, everything nothing pervy, because he’s just disarming her from the gun and knife she somehow hid under her slinky clothes. Ooooh boy, pls censors, don’t come for short dramas for years, I need my unwholesome fun. 

There is clearly no covid social distancing in the 1930s.

It’s OK, she steals the gun back and prepares to end him with the cliche but pithy “go to hell.”

Unfortunately for her but fortunately for this not becoming the world’s shortest drama, he’s removed the bullets. Oops.

“Chivalry is dead,” quoth the warlord as he knocks her out.

The mask is removed and shocker!!! It’s the wedding dress lady from the opening/the surviving daughter of family warlord offed. How he could not tell it was her with the few little beads covering her face is beyond me. I know he’s around weapons a lot but gun noises damage hearing not eyesight.

We go back to the opening scene or shortly after, during which we see her confront him after the flaming hot wedding night and he informs her that yes he offed her fam but fair is fair, his fam murdered 10 people in his, made his father starve to death and made him watch his mother be raped and then commit suicide. I’d say “otherwise known as Thursday in cdramaland,” but let’s face it, this hasn’t been a thing in proper length cdramas in a decade and I feel like someone who’s been seeking the grail of dogblood melo for so long and finally found a whole store’s worth of said grails.

I used you to get close to your family explains the hero, and poor heroine, born too early for Goodbye My Princess to exist, is stunned. 

She attempts to murder him (as one does), misses him and falls into the water and as she’s getting soaked and rinsed, we get a flashback in a flashback (flashback squared?) to their happy times.

Now we are back in the present and she wakes up chained in his room. There are worse fates tbh.

And then, in a twist that surprises utterly nobody, she goes “who are you?” because the Lord is kind and good to me and has time-traveled this drama to 2005 and we have AMNESIA!!!!!

Anyway, ep ends and I am hooked hooked hooked! This is like someone putting every Fei Wo Si Cun novel into a blender, and I cannot resist. Take a bit of Goodbye My Princess, stir in a large portion of Too Late to Say I Love You and some Siege in Fog; from previews later even a touch of Sealed with a Kiss. And we are ready!

I approve of all these people being dark and unhinged and murderhappy and not wholesome role models proper dramas keep giving us. I approve of the hero looking hot AND like he eats. I approve of the heroine being all about slaughter. Etc. 

This is not as cracktastic as Maid’s Revenge - after all ML’s clothes stayed completely on the whole ep, and not as good as A Familiar Stranger or as atmospheric as Provoke but it further cements my feeling that short dramas are where it’s at for me.

PS ML of Too Late to Say I Love You says hi!

[peony-pearl]

(this was part of a discussion from another post that I wanted to move to it’s own post bc this right here is the crux of my emotions for Iroh and Zuko and Azula; it does end kind of abruptly but yeah this is me wordvomiting my feels)

--------

Man the Iroh and Azula relationship in atla breaks my heart because, yes, there is favoritism - but the situations that built up to it are so specific and tragic on both ends (this is more of me rambling bc I have brainworms for this fam oughghghg if you read this thank you)

I do believe that Iroh did what he could to maintain a good relationship with both Zuko and Azula before he left for BSS. Zuko was 8, Azula was 6. That’s YOUNG. I almost wonder if she could remember what he looked like, because after Lu Ten’s death, I think he immediately took that journey before returning to the Fire Nation, thus there could have been another year or two+ until she saw him. She potentially went from ages 6-10 years old without seeing her uncle. Not to mention that even before Ursa left, Azula was already parroting Ozai’s rhetoric. Now with her mother gone, Azula had her father’s full attention and her friends (until the three were separated).

Zuko on the other hand, after his mother’s disappearance, didn’t have any friends from what we saw, nor did he have his father’s approval, and his relationship with Azula? We’re unsure of at this time, but all things considered, he’s had a resentment towards her because of the trauma Ozai is putting him through (which is also trauma to Azula by emotionally excluding her and putting her on a pedestal that he himself will topple). When Iroh returns, Zuko, who is most likely lonely AF, gives his uncle some attention, who then in turn, gives Zuko attention he’s wanted from one of his elders for a long time.

Azula, entrenched in Ozai’s teachings, resents Iroh for abandoning Ba Sing Se, and sees how he overindulges with tea and food to cope with the pain. She won’t be like him; and to even be seen near him by her father is embarrassing. But I’m almost certain she would see the relationship Zuko and Iroh were forging and it HURT. Iroh probably doesn’t force her to talk; that’s not the conversation he wants to have is to force her to spend time with someone she doesn’t want to be around. Besides, to anger Azula could lead to angering his brother, and he’s not at all ready for that mess. He of all people knows the almighty power of the Fire Lord; he was prepared to carry that glorious burden his whole life until it slipped from his fingers.

Ultimately Iroh is fine talking to just Zuko; but no one sees the seeds that are being planted. Iroh doesn’t realize how he’s still playing the game his father embedded in their minds. Iroh leaves Azula to her devices, unaware of how she is living the life that created and destroyed Iroh himself, while he can put his misplaced fatherhood upon Zuko. At this point, Zuko still just sees him as uncle.

And then the Agni Kai. Zuko is burned, and Iroh goes with him. I’m not entirely versed in the manga about Azula getting Zuko his ship, but I think it says a lot that Azula, even when upset that Zuko and Iroh had a relationship, made sure Iroh was part of the team because she knew Iroh could ensure Zuko’s survival. Plus it got him out of the palace so she wouldn’t have to keep seeing him or hearing his dumb laugh, or be invited to Pai Sho games (Which she did want to play but Uncle is SO ugh you know?)

And then three years pass. 3 long years in which Iroh and Zuko may not expect to go home. Iroh probably comes to terms with this; he’s older, jaded, still messed up from losing his son and everything that came with it. Zuko, however, wants his birthright (aka his father’s approval and love). Zuko and Iroh are waging this part of their lives together while Azula and Ozai are holding down the fort; she is becoming stronger and smarter, and has every ounce of her father’s approval.

I have a couple of headcanons as to why Iroh’s demeanor had a bit of a big change once we get to season 2. Nearly losing Zuko to the pirates made him realize how much he saw the boy as his surrogate son. So yes, the favoritism is there; they have endured things together for 3 years that have forged a bond that gives Zuko a father figure (that he didn’t really ask for) and Iroh a surrogate son (that he is more than willing to guide and smother) and this topic alone is enough to make me want to scream and wail because Iroh wanting nothing more than a second chance than to guide a son who wants his actual father who cares nothing for him and yet Iroh CONTINUES to try with Zuko? brain goes BRRRR

(but I also heavily headcanon Iroh’s presence during Yue’s sacrifice to have been a game changer in the way he carries himself and continues to live; but that’s just a headcanon; but the way that he watches a princess from a nation he has waged war upon sacrifice her life for a world she’s never seen when he’s lost his son and he almost lost Zuko and watching her fade away gives him stronger convictions to be a true father figure to Zuko; even if he’s still kind of bad at it for a while, his dedication to Zuko as a son really takes flight in the following season and I think this all ties together)

and then when Azula comes to collect them to take to Ozai and lies to Zuko about the thing he’s been wanting for 3 years. The thing that’s kept him up, ate away at him, the thing that SHOULD be natural - his father’s love. It’s a lie.

And Iroh defends his nephew unflinchingly from his sister - who is also just a pawn and a soldier, just like Iroh was. I personally like to imagine he taught her some of her skillset (but would she have retained it since she was last willing to learn from him around the age of 6? She is very smart after all).

But could Iroh have looked at Azula, realizing it was her that shot that lightning and, after Zuko called him a ‘shallow old man’, gone to Azula and asked what Ozai had put her through over the years? Or did he still revere the power of the Fire Lord, and the magnitude of power Azula holds.

This leads to one big problem with the family - communication. Especially for Iroh. Communication SUCKS in this family. Zuko is so volatile that Iroh often cannot bring himself to really explain things to Zuko in a clear way, which doesn’t help because Zuko NEEDS to be spoken to clearly because he does not get metaphors and proverbs - but is Iroh really even the best person to explain to Zuko that his father is hurting both him and his sister? When Zuko wants so desperately to go home and be loved? And yet hearing that his sister is suffering would enrage him when she’s only been adored by Ozai. And even then, if Iroh acknowledges Azula’s suffering, he doesn’t act to help her. Could he though? He doesn’t give up on Zuko (who struggled for validation) but he never attempts with Azula (who had the Fire Lord’s entire approval).

For Season 2, everything about Zuko and Iroh is the path to stay alive and stay free… which they’re not free. They never will be again because the Fire Nation wants them and in order to stay safe they must seek refuge indefinitely in BSS. Thus, they must avoid Azula, who is willing to enact on her father’s orders (he IS the Fire Lord, after all). Azula has also shot Iroh with fire. Yes, Iroh is much older and Azula is 14; but I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a point that Iroh looks at her and sees her traveling with her friends, facing the Avatar, besting Iroh himself in a situation and as he wakes up from his injuries after she attacks him, he goes ‘I’m done.’ He would continue to put all of his efforts on Zuko. There is a very potential life or death situation with them being wanted, and Iroh won’t relive losing a child under his care.

And yet he would know where Azula’s life is eventually going to lead her, because he was once her. But he left the Fire Nation to escort Zuko and to keep him safe. Zuko did everything he could to try and finish his father’s task, and now his efforts have only landed him a wanted poster. Azula has the Fire Lord’s blessing and her crown - Zuko and Iroh are all each other have, and they also have the bounty on their heads. The efforts Azula put through to ensure that Iroh kept Zuko safe have now reversed, and they are actively evading her as enemies. The painful irony.

Had Ozai never sent her out to collect them, I absolutely think Iroh would still remain open to his niece. Unfortunately, Ozai continues to task her with ways to divide her from her family and therefore keep her closer to his will. By entrusting her with their capture, he alienates her from her shamed brother and uncle, and then gives them reason to have grief with her and not want to be in her life as she actively and willingly serves her father, not once hearing them out on their side of the story. They are rushing to find a way to stay out of chains and survive while she flawlessly continues her family’s goals.

What if she was never tasked with capturing them? But was still traveling the Earth Kingdom to broaden the Fire Nation’s reign? What if there had been a point when she wasn’t poised to capture them or attack them? I can still see Zuko naturally being bitter that she’s there. Iroh may still even be wary, as having her around after they have not achieved a goal means failure and capture (which is what I reason their reactions to her showing up in The Avatar State to be; they immediately know something is off because without a letter, without warning, Azula shows up in full armor after they have not achieved their goal of capturing the Avatar; and Iroh heard lightning earlier, and if it wasn’t Ozai and he deduces it was Azula? Oh lord she knows how to conjure lightning now which means they’re in deep sludge); but imagine if she’s just there to start her overseas military career, not to capture them. What if she knew they were wanted? What if they saw her, knowing they’re wanted, and they avoid her until they come face to face with her and she’s even more hurt that they immediately believed she would be cold enough to turn them in? They really thought that low of her? lol okay HEY GUARDS. Or what if she was like ‘Zuzu I made sure you had that ship and crew, you really think I’d turn you in?’ Or the opposite? In which Zuko sees Azula and knows they can trust her, but the more they get help from her the more she worries that Ozai is going to learn that she’s been secretly helping them through their escapades as wanted men? What if it had been Azula that got them their passports to BSS and was like ‘go here and stay out of my hair I am BUSY and I can’t keep risking my neck for you like this’.

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

personally I don’t care bc Michaela is pretty and the queer community deserve this what my problem is they better not downplay discredit disrespect or Don Francesca love for John dishonour because he’s man or it’s not as passionate or whatever and or Frannie is a lesbain so she loves a woman more then John NOPE both should have get insane great love and love story from/with Francesca the crazy Bridgerton type of love John deserve it bc he gives that to Francesca and they high key made it seem like they was gonna downplay dishonour do disservice to Francesca great love for John after she met Michaela or after their kiss scene which I didn’t like since her story is 2 parts fist part about her having 2 great loves and that you can find great love a 2nd time and that ur first love dosent

mean less passionate less great or less romantic or epic bc of ur 2nd love and I think Victor and Hannah deserves to play that storyline it’s so beautiful and they would be incredibly in it! And it’ll be disappointing and disservice to all the amazing chemistry they’ve shown this season by just throwin away their whole love story before it’s even fully started or throwing away Fran love for John especially after she was bold and declared to the world her fam and queen it would be inconsistent disrespectful to both their characters and the actors who put in so much work! and I truly believe we can get the 2nd part in her story about the infertility stuff and her wanting to be a mother with John that way we can also not only get more John yes plz go more Victor don’t want him ever going but at least give us him for 5-10 years but also justice to Fran great love for John and story about wanting to be mother it’s perfect that way everyone gets their perfect story and book back to life and a community who isn’t shown and they get to feel seen and represented both sapphic loce but also the infertility problems and the people who find 2nd great love but who’s 1st love was equally as great and not less epic of worthy of being shown! Please do this SHONDA JESS PLEASE BRIDGETON NETFLIX PLZ!

they already downplaying disrespecting discrediting John and Francesca love for him because he’s a man by saying she’s a lesbian oh they just so nasty I feel sick they just have black men and go bc what even?

trying to erase her bisexuality it’s nasty y’all say u want rep then do this for bi girls its weird arent y’all ashamed

[theorangerangers]

Karone for the Treat trick or treat Ranger writing? So I'm not alone in putting out new Karone stuff? *eyes fic I haven't updated in weeks that I will DEFINITELY get to, once I've actually stopped and discussed some things with my therapist*

Look I got a little carried away but this also isn’t proof read and was also written while I was watched Scooby-Doo with my roommates so it might be a bit weird at certain parts

“Yes, well everyone can dress up but just kids go trick or treating which is the candy collecting part. And it’s not really extortion; most families do something to make it clear whether or not they want kids to come and knock on their door, and kids for the most part respect it” Cassie explained.

“And those who don’t tend to throw eggs at the houses that don’t give candy,” Ashley said.

Karone cocked an eyebrow not quite sure how collecting candy under threat of vandalism was much better.

“So we can’t get candy?” Zhane pouted.

“Well we can probably get some at the party since most people have bowls just out during most of the Halloween parties I’ve been to if no one’s planning to be trick or treating,” Ashley said.

“Sweet,” Zhane joked.

Karone put on the jacket looking at the odd outfit Cassie had assembled for her. “And what monster exactly am I supposed to be?”

“Oh you’re not a monster, you, me, TJ, and Justin technically have matching costumes we’re superheroes from that show Justin likes we’re going to take some pictures with Justin and then you and me are going to the party and TJ is taking Justin trick or treating, until 10 and then drop him off at home and meet up with us for the after party”

“This outfit doesn’t seem practical for fighting crime,” Karone said, eyeing her heels and fishnets.

“Trust me, there’s a lot worse outfits and Black canary’s a pretty cool hero,” Ashley said, adjusting her petticoat before letting the rest of the layers for her bell dress fall into place.

“And why aren’t you in this outfit instead? You’re the one who actually was on a team with Justin?” Karone asked checking herself out in the outfit.

“I’m not blonde and black canary’s blonde,” Ashley explained.

“Zhane’s blonde,” Karone pointed out.

“Yeah but we’re matching as Bell and Adam from the beauty and the beast,” Ashley said, sticking another patch of fake fur to Zhane’s face. Ashley hesitated for a moment, “Besides we’re trying to get him to warm up to you since he didn’t see you a lot outside of the whole Princess Astronema thing,” not mentioning the moment Justin found out he called Tommy and Kat about 20 times each as the best judges he could come up with for actually being reformed and evil doer faking it.

“I scare him don’t I?” Karone asked.

“No…” Cassie said, looking at Ashley for backup.

“It does make him kind of nervous to have a former enemy living under the same roof as us. But he was a ranger. He's as brave as any of us, probably braver considering how young he was at the time.” Ashley continued.

“It’s a show of good faith, you’re willing to look a bit silly and have some pictures taken with him dressed as a member of the Arrow Fam without overstepping anything like having you go with him trick or treating,” Cassie said.

“Does he know I’m only going to be taking pictures or does he think I’m coming with him and TJ?” Karone asked.

“I think so, why?” Ashley asked.

“He seemed oddly excited this morning just to be taking some pictures together,”

“Well Halloween only comes once a year,” Cassie says.

“Hm…” Karone hummed.

Cassie pulled on her mask to see her Thea Queen costume had come together quite well. “Come on the sooner we take the pictures the sooner we can head out,”

—

A green blur slammed into Cassie, Karone was prepared to draw a weapon before she realized it was Justin who was hugging Cassie.

“Hey Justin, long time no see,” Cassie said, hugging him back. She noted he was dressed head to toe in green with a fake bow on his back.

“Yeah! Are you and karone excited to come to Trick or treating me and TJ? We’re going to visit every single house in town!” Justin was practically shaking from excitement.

Cassie hesitated looking uncomfortably at Karone, not sure how to break the news “oh Justin…”

“I would be honored to help you in your goal, but I think Cassie had other plans after we took the photos,” karone said.

“Oh, alright,” Justin said, trying to hide his disappointment. “I thought that, never mind…”

TJ cut in “if you want to go with Cassie—“

“I’m going to stay with Justin, if you want to go with Justin I don’t mind,” Karone told TJ firmly.

“I did say I was going to take him,” everyone could hear the hesitation in his voice.

“TJ, if you don’t want to take me, it’s fine.” Justin said now looking at his feet. “All of you can go now if you want, I’m fine really, I’m old enough to trick or treat by myself,”

“Justin…” TJ started not sure how to defuse the situation. If he was totally honest he would have preferred to go to the party.

“You can go TJ!” Justin said, walking away from the table in the juice bar. He walked out the door and sat on a bench outside.

Justin felt a hand on his shoulder. “TJ of you don’t want to take me—“

“I’m not TJ,” Karone cut him off.

“Oh, sorry about that, you didn’t agree to come yourself Cassie just said she was bringing you with her and I thought that she was coming with me,” Justin half heartedly explained.

“No, but I do want to come, if you’ll have me,” she hesitates before sitting down next to him trying not to do anything that could be taken as a threat.

“I’m not scared of you by the way,” Justin says.

“Yeah seeing you in person I can see that,” Karone said, trying to hide her own relief at this.

“I heard you didn’t get to be a kid much while you were busy being evil or whatever they did to you while you were working for the dark specter, I thought you might like, this, Halloween, hanging out, dressing up kinda silly like comic book characters,” the boy shrugged.

Karone had a lot of practice not crying while in pain but almost none at holding in tears in the face of whatever emotion she couldn’t name bubbling up inside right now. She quickly blinked her eyes, doing her best to prevent any moisture in her eyes from making itself known. “That’s very sweet Justin. But what about yourself?”

“What about me?”

“What did you want?” Karone asked.

“I guess I just wanted to be with my teammates again, I don’t really fit in with kids my age or kids in general. They all seem so happy and carefree and then after everything I saw as a ranger, I guess, I’m just not…,”

“Not what?”

“I don’t really feel like I’m a kid anymore, I know physically I still am but it doesn’t feel like it,”

“I know that feeling,” Karone said, nodding. “I know what it feels like when one moment you were a kid and the next you’re not a kid anymore but you’re not really an adult or anything else anymore either,”

“I wanted you and me to have a happy Halloween Karone,” Justin said. “I’m really sorry for bringing the mood down like this,”

Karone wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into a side hug. “I don’t mind, besides I thought you wanted to see every house in town?”

“You don’t have to come come if you don’t want to,”

“Justin, you don’t deserve your teammates and other fellow rangers leaving you behind like this,”

“I know, but it’s happening anyway. You didn’t deserve the stuff they did to make you evil either,”

“I know but it happened anyway, so let’s go trick or treating, and take some pictures in our costumes, eat some candy, and have a happy Halloween?”

Justin returns her side hug. “Yeah let’s have a happy Halloween,”

[imaginemyreality03]

🐉⚡️The only way you win a fight is to know you’re going to be hit and survive⚡️🐉

🛑🙉SPOILERS AHEAD🙉🛑

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

Read: February 14 -> February 18, 2024

BRA Score: 98/100

Favorite Quote: “ ‘I can’t kill an unconscious man.’ ���He would kill you if given the same chance.’ ‘That’s a statement of his character, not mine.’”- Violet & Tairn, Pg 167

~~~~~~~~

Book Gist: Violet is forced by her mother to join the most deadly speciality in Basgaith War College: Dragon Riding. For the sake of her general mother or her chronically ill body, almost every other rider wants her dead. She just wants to survive. So imagine when she bonds with not one but BOTH of the most powerful dragons in the year (and in the nation) which leaves her permanently tethered to the guy who should most want her dead.

Tags: Fantasy, Enemies to Lovers, Dragonriders, Smut, Violence 😏, Cliffhanger-ish.

~~~~~~~~

Overall review:

Plot:

Whores on dragons. Also, I had like, 98% accuracy for every major plot point, and knowing about Brennan (that I spoiled myself of when I was checking the page count before I started) didn’t inform any of it. Because, when is an insurrection just an insurrection?

Cast:

I feel very protective of the Marked Ones for many reasons but I wish they had someone who had the capacity to be emotional with them, because their “big siblings” have so much on their plate just trying to keep them alive, there isn’t much space for dealing with that stuff. This is probably also why I know Xaden was not capable of the things everyone else assumed of him. Also, for the same reason Dain brushed me the wrong way.

Basgiath really fucks these kids up, in every horrible way. In a brain-washing kind of way. This was always gonna be emotionally hard to read, but it really does read like the most complex 2010s-era dystopia and I am in fact a glutton for punishment.

And I do say my idea of Melgren being a venin still isn’t wrong because he’s protecting them, that’s what he’s doing, but doing nothing. That still counts for me.

Violet:

AND the key to this whole entire thing is actually hinging on the fact that Violet is a Scribe who became a rider. It’s the one thing that’s never happened before, the one thing that can challenge the power of the riders is the history that defines them, the proof of their corruption.

End Note:

Amended 3-27-24: I’ve read 70% of Iron Flame, but I am in a very precarious place of being somewhat content and not afraid of what happens next in the place I’ve paused, and I have a bad feeling that this book with end in a cliffhanger, and I need to be within 3 months of release of book 3 before I subject myself to torture. Seeing as being in a 3 month range of Onyx Storm won’t be until November, I will be over in the corner trying my fam nest to forget everything I know so that I’m no tempted to read more and hurt myself with 10 MONTHS OF WAITING LEFT!!!!! I don’t know how you publish the first two books with 6 months of each other, then wait 4 months to even confirm that a third book exists, and then wait 10 more months to release it.

Additional End Note: Bohdi is my baby love and I will kill for him and die for him, so we all best be sure he isn’t dead by the end of Onyx Storm or I’ll riot.

[yellowhollyhock]

Raph and Don being close is important. This gonna be a weird parallel but what if we could compare them to Angel and Casey?

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Gonna take the opportunity to share my headcanons and rants about Angel, and to a lesser extent, Casey.

Her grandmother—whom I’ve named Norma—is her mom’s mom. Her mom, Jenny, wanted to study music, hadn’t decided if she wanted to teach or perform, Norma talked her into a teaching degree instead, while at college she met Buddy and they had Ryan.

Speaking of Ryan—Angel got totally whitewashed in the Darkness Within episode, right? Anyways Buddy’s a white guy to explain somewhat where Ryan got his genes. But also. Pretend like Ryan looks normal and the whole fam didn’t get whitewashed. Pretend they’re both biracial and Angel’s just a little darker. I mean pretend whatever you want but I’m pretending that.

Ryan is about 4 years older than Angel. When she was born Jenny and Buddy moved back to NYC to be closer to Norma. Norma and Buddy did not get along, but they did their best. Casey Jones, 9 at the time, lived nearby. Buddy and Arnold Sr. became friends, so Casey met the Bridges. Jenny is killed in a car crash when Angel is 6, Ryan 10, Casey 15. Buddy is overcome with grief and still doesn’t get along with Norma—he leaves. Casey’s dad is killed by the Purple Dragons less than a year after that (I know he looks younger in the flashback but based on the specific way it affected him I hc teenager, he just hit his growth spurt late). So both families are going through it and they bond. Casey helps babysit Angel and Ryan a lot.

Ryan is a lot more withdrawn. He lives in his head (musical theatre nerd but refuses to speak out loud. Will eventually be persuaded to join choir).

Angel is explosive. Her and Casey bond a lot—they’re both processing, both grieving, and Casey’s enough older that he feels like he should be able to advise but he’s also just a kid. He really earns Angel’s respect the first time he breaks down crying in front of her. She brings him a piece of grass she picked from outside to cheer him up because she couldn’t find a flower. They have a very close bond. Ryan and Casey are friends, and Angel looks up to Ryan, but her and Casey have a very close bond.

And I so very adore. That you’ve compared them to Donnie and Raph. Because. Akkfkfkfk

Personality wise? You got two Raphs. Casey is more similar to Raph, while Angel is in some ways Raph and others Mikey, and obviously they are all different individuals, but the point is that personality wise, Angel isn’t the level head to Casey’s deep sensitivity, nor he the grounded in reality to her daydreaming. But the relationship? Absolutely is parallel.

It’s the dynamic of ‘you took care of me so I wanna take care of you.’ It’s ’we both know the worst things about each other and we’re safe with each other.’ It’s ‘I might be mad at the entire world but the second you need me I’ll set all that aside.’

It’s the way Casey, who hates the Purple Dragons, would not give up on his friend and took a huge personal risk going after her. Or how fiercely independent Angel caved immediately and ran for help when Casey was in trouble. Or how she stops him from killing Hun—that moment means so much to me. It does so much to establish Angel’s character, and cements a lot we knew about Casey too. Plus it’s so adorably sweet.

Basically, siblings who would die for each other. Which describes all the turtles but what about siblings who would talk about their feelings without dying of embarrassment—

[painted-fanbird]

And SPEAKING of blorbo from my video games, Sylvanas Windrunner?? The Blorbo from my Video Game. By which I mean the version of Sylvanas I made up in my head and not whatever the heck is happening in game. Because uhhh yikes fam.

Like, I like what we had prior to Legion! Which wasn’t exactly much in terms of strictly WoW lore (as far as I remember. I also don’t know what she was up to in Warcraft lol), but it was cool! A woman driven by the need to kill the man who killed her, raised her into undead servitude, and turned her against her own people. And she gets that! Arthas is killed, her vengeance is fulfilled, and with nothing left in this unlife for her she jumps from the top of ICC.

Only to be met with Warcraft Hell not the Maw because that’s dead to me and the reminder that her people still need her. If I remember her short story correctly lol. So Sylvannas comes back, tied to the Valkyrie and with a renewed sense of purpose for her life.

Now imagine, if instead of whatever mess that is canon, Sylvannas instead got an arc that focused on her becoming a protector of the Horde. A ruthless, bloodthirsty one, but a protector nonetheless.

In Cata she’s just vibing and bolstering the Forsaken and maybe connecting more with the Blood Elves. Because I’m not sure how much of that she’s done yet XD But mostly she’s lying low and sassing Garrosh when he comes around and probably still causing problems for Gilneas XD

In MoP she’s chomping at the bit to get Garrosh gone when she realizes he’s a problem, and she realizes she kind of cares about the Horde as a whole and not just the Forsaken and the Blood Elves. Starting with the Pandaren of all peoples. Seeing them get abused by Garrosh, alongside the Forsaken and Blood Elves triggers some long dormant instinct from when she was alive. It’s a protective one lol.

WoD is another lying low expansion, because we as players spend all our time on Draenor. But in the background Sylvannas is actually becoming a close advisor to Vol’jin. Because Vol’jin deserves to be warchief for longer than five minutes lol, and I think him and Sylv as warchief and right hand would be great. He’s more chill and Sylvanas’s first response to most problems is murder.

Legion is her moment to shine, leading forces against the Burning Legion as a military commander like in her Ranger-General days. She’s a beast in battle, she looks out for her forces, and is fast to accept the demon hunters once they prove their worth, because she’s becoming somewhat of a champion for the outcasted <3

BfA is more Sylv as a commander, following the logic I think she had in one of the novels. We’re at peace with the Alliance now, but what about in 5 years? 10? 15? We should be claiming the Azerite now, just in case. But with no burning of Teldrassil. It could still burn, but N’zoth is probably directly responsible for that if so. She didn’t do it lol. Also Azerite is probably most commonly found on the coats, and places ravaged by the cataclysm. For flavor! Also Tyrande can have her little vengeance arc early and turn the moon warrior stuff on the old gods! It’s a win win!

Dragonflight would be a backseat Sylvannas expansion. She’s probably back in Org with Vol’jin chilling. If she drops by the dragon isles, she gets to learn how to relax in between shooting primalists XD

[leohaynes]

✽  . ˚   &.  「   TYLER HOECHLIN.  THIRTY-NINE.  CISMALE.  HE/HIM.  」LEONARDO ‘LEO’ HAYNES occupies  LEVEL SEVEN:  #705.  you’ll  know  THE LIBRA  is  home  if  you  hear  BAD  BOYS  FOR  LIFE  by  DIDDY  blasting  through  their  speakers.  THE POLICE OFFICER  has  been  living  in  wisteria  for  ONE  MONTH.  since  then  they’ve  built  a  reputation  for  being ALTRUISTIC  and  NON-COMMITTAL  ,  typical  for  THE  LOTHARIO .

full name. leonardo patrick haynes jr nickname. leo , haynes , junior height. 6′4″ age. thirty-nine city of birth: fairfield , california birthday: september 25th, 1983 career. police officer ( commander , recent promotion ) ; air force veteran  marital status. divorced  sexuality. not fuckin str8 children. stella haynes ( 16 , going on 17 ) 

leo ... is a straight up army brat — having been born on travis air force base in northern california . his father , an air force airman while his mother , a stay-at-home mom once elementary school teacher . 

he is the youngest of four siblings and therefore , the most spoiled especially being the only boy out of his sisters . 

he moved around a lot growing up — even though their primary residence was on travis AFB , they still moved from place to place wherever their father was needed . after all , he’s been command chief master sergeant for the past thirty years . he didn’t get to that rank just sitting on his ass and he instilled this behavior in his children , especially leo . 

it was expected of leo to join the military when he got older — enlisting when he was fresh out of high school at eighteen . his oldest sister also enlisted while his middle sisters opted for married life .

while in traveling in hawaii at hickman afb on assignment , leonardo met his first and only wife . they were young , they were in-love ... or so she thought . she wound up pregnant , leo ... being who he was raised by , asked for her hand in marriage . 

their daughter stella was born on january 23rd , 2006 when leo was just 23 . the two of them left hawaii , setting up home in los angeles .

leo , unlike his father , would opt to leave active duty ; getting honorable discharge at the age of 28 after completing his 10 years in service . his father , although not happy with his decision , understood . 

at the age of 29 , he joined the police ranks and has been apart of the LAPD for the past ten years . jumping in the ranks due to his disciplined military background . 

after eight years of marriage , leo and his wife called it quits after his ... let’s say ... unfaithful tendencies . sighting irreconcilable differences , the divorce was finalized in 2015 — the two of them having shared custody of their daughter . 

after his divorce , there was no woman who could tie this man down for long . his eyes wander , his charm undeniable . he just recently broke up with his last partner ... if you could even call it that . in his eyes , they weren’t even really committed to each other . but in her eyes ... she was ready to introduce that man to her family . 

welp , since his divorce he ended up moving in with some roommates of his on the force only for them to get on his fuckin nerves after a while . he has since been rooming with his best friend , garrett for the past few years ; the two of them recently calling wisteria home . 

his daughter frequently comes to visit - when that usually happens , he sleeps on the air bed while she gets the bed . #girldad 

uhhhh he’s a nice dude - he’s the type of cop to let you go in a traffic stop cus he just dont got time . he a little too high up there to care about alllat . he’s also pretty active in the community wanting high school aged kids to take the military into consideration — he basically get two paychecks every two weeks ......... like dawg ???? 

people ask why he wanna live with roommates , they’re his besties thats why and also he doesn’t have a whole ass fam so he doesnt see the reason to have his own home . plus he’s barely there due to his rigorous career . 

[hunrising]

excited to hear about mess <3

Ok so for background I lived in this one city until I was about 6, and my parents had a whole group friends who all lived in the same area so naturally I would hang out (play) with their friends’ kids.

Anyway this one particular family were like a CLOSE close friends of my parents cause like my dad and the dad of that fam had known each other for 10 years by then, and then after they got married the mums got close, and they all like know my parents’ families back home and viceversa. So they have 2 sons and oldest one is like.. 5? years older than me and, our mums being yk young asian mothers, must have talked about oh how wonderful it would be if they got their kids (me and the son) got married to each other some day. Mind you I was like 5 HDBSJSN but my mother did tell me this in passing years later but I literally forgot. And i guess my parents were pretty popular back then so everyone knew they were friends etc. and I guess everyone thought this match made in the crib was a real thing ?

We then moved away from that area and my parents kept in touch with them, but it got very sporadic and they would talk like once a year, just for quick catchups. I personally did not speak to any of them, except like, adding each other on facebook when we were old enough to have it and the occasional bday wish. Anyway cut to ~17 years later they move close to us, and the relationship between the parents is rekindled and yk we’re going to each other’s houses blah blah. This is where I start to feel weird cause ofc I used to call this guy by name when I was little and I literally felt so awkward like. Do I call him brother or ??? Do I use the informal ‘you’ or be more formal? Being in doubt I didnt speak to the guy at all 😩 so it’s not like we got close or became besties, I literally do not care about him. So last week, they tell us that he’s getting married next month LMFAO and idt either of my parents took it well ???? I think they actually thought that I was gonna marry him which is so?? Like what gave u the impression… And then my mum was like “so are we going to the wedding” and I’m just like “wdym are we going . YOU’RE def going, these are some of ur oldest friends wth” and she was like “If you don’t go you have to have a good excuse or everyone will think u were waiting to marry him and this is why u didnt go to the wedding.” GIRL WHAT!!! How did I end up in this 😭 So anyway I was not gonna go cause asian weddings are exhausting AND I’m a 27 year old single woman so basically asking for ppl to make comments anyway. But NOW if I dont go apparently I am sending a message which is SOOO weird. So now I am in a limbo, I didn’t even know I was in a made up love triangle this is so embarrassing .

[tnerb90]

01 March 2023

Here we go. 

In my last post (same day), I talked about lessons learned. Now I want to review where I stand. 

Okay. As I alluded to, I left my job at PV around April 2021. And started at Conquest in May 2021. Stress-wise it’s night and day. It’s still a new field for me and there are times I get queries and feedback, which is stressful, especially since I’m a harsh critic of myself to begin with. But on the whole, it’s not even close how much better this job is. For many reasons. Okay, so the underlying stress has been much better. However, I guess I got pretty lax over the last year too. I stopped “dieting”. Stopped exercising. There was a long stretch between like June and December where I barely moved at all. I would sit at my desk all day, go home and smoke, sit on the couch until I went to bed. A few things happened that pushed me to make a change yet again. 

1. We went on a cruise in July and had this excursion to hike up a waterfall. I barely made it. I was panting, sweating, legs were dead. It was embarassing really. Same with just walking around in general. I felt like it was too much. Not cool. Also, felt uncomfortable in my clothes. Belly sticking out. Suit was tight etc. I just didn’t like it. At all. 

2. In September, I worked up some courage (or maybe it was arrogance) thinking I could roll out of bed and start roller hockey. It honestly scared the F out of me, because I couldn’t skate anymore. My balance, my leg strength, my heaviness. It just wasn’t working...  I could barely tie my skates 1st of all. Then when I did start skating, I had about 45 seconds before my feet were in so much pain that I had to stop. I played 1 game (maybe 4 shifts) and stopped after that. I also had knee pain from pickleball with Ashton. 

3. In December, we had a company holiday party, where we went to IoA. I had been dreading it because I still hadn’t been back since the Harry Potter thing way back in 2019 when this started. And I was even heavier at that point. I know in Nov, I had reached 327.5 at one point. And that was before Ash and I went on another cruise together, so I’m sure by then it was even higher than that. Anyway. Walking around the park on its own was nervewracking because I didn’t want to seem like a fat loser sweating and out of breath from walking around. I went on my own for a while, due to fear of not fitting onto the Velocicoaster so I ghosted my group. Tried another couple of rides. Couldn’t go on Hagrids. I rode flight of the hippogrif and thats it....alone. It was a low point. I ended up running into my coworkers (as I was trying to leave the park alone and go back to the hotel) but ended up being convinced to sit for lunch with them. A few wanted to go ride the Hulk. I figured I  could fit on that one at least, since I had ridden a coaster at Seaworld a year back and it was fine. But I didnt fit. We got the front. I had to walk of shame. It was bad. I chatted with Dr. Patel a bit and told him I needed to lose weight. He asked me what my plan was? That was a big moment for me. I was honest with him. I had no plan... I didn’t even know what to do anymore. He encouraged me to start walking, just 10 mins at a time. He invited me to go to his crossfit gym at 5am’s but of course there was no chance in hell I would take him up on that. But just the fact that he was so encouraging and cool about it. Just start walking. What’s my plan? He’s available if I need help. 

So I guess those 3 things did it for me. Not being able to hang with my fam or fit into my clothes on a vacation. Not being able to play hockey. Not fitting on rides again and isolating myself from coworkers because of my weight/ lack of fitness.  Enough was enough. I had to do something. But not yet...of course I waited until January. And even Jan. 3 technically. I smoked all my weed. Commit to going for walks. Etc. Came up with a new plan for my diet and exercise. 

Jan 1, I was 324.5. I had a regular session with Ritta until the end where she got kind of real with me. Made me lay out the plan I had. Encouraged me to get support. It’s cheesy, but it really meant a lot that she didn’t just let me get away with “I got this, don’t worry.” Between her and Dr. P, I think I connected the dots there and realized support would really benefit me. 

I got down to about 318 in early February. That’s when I started seeing a personal trainer and a therapist. Yes, it’s true. I sought help.  It’s been a few weeks now since that, and I’m down to 310 today. So it’s on again. But this time I have help. In Jan, I actually started IF again. Keto again. I’m such a dummy. Ok be nice. I’m such a.... silly goose...? Anyway. I read a ton and listened to podcasts, and read about binge eating etc. And here we are. When I started IF and Keto again, I realized how much irritability and anxiety etc.  I was having again. I realized I had a lot of underlying shit I hadn’t worked through yet. And this is the most honest, productive in therapy I’ve been in a long time. Maybe the pressure being off that I’m not a counselor who needs to know it all and could just be a a human. Also, started working with JS. He’s been great too. Encouraging, patient, but firm and he is working me hard. I’m working with him 2x per week and at first it was hell. It was so much, squats etc. But I’m getting to a point where I’m recovering faster and feeling better while doing the work. He’s teaching me a lot of new exercises and proper form. It’s a challenge for sure. But I’m so happy I’m doing it. My energy has been good, especially when I sleep. My anxiety is getting better. But again, 2x per week. I know I can do more. It was perfect for the first 3 weeks because it gave me enough time to rest and recover and so far, I haven’t gotten hurt. If I can build up to cardio and another strength day or 2, I’ll be buzzing. Dietwise, I’m counting cals again, which I’m undecided on. But I know I have to control my eating somehow to lose weight at a rate i’m happy with. And this time, I’m wayyyyyyyyyyy more lenient with myself if I “slip” e.g. got ice cream on Vday. Got pizza several days for lunch at work, etc. and this time around I have a much better mindset. I just finish out the day normally. If I go over on cals, I go over. I’m focused on nutrition mostly. Protein, fiber, healthy fats, whole grains, fruits, veggies. Essentially I’m making those things the bulk of my diet and going from there. If I have cheese, white flour, halushki, etc. so be it. Don’t get me wrong, I do kind of guilt myself about it, but not nearly as bad. It’s not as dire anymore to be perfect. I just need to be consistent. Ok. I have to shit and it’s 15 mins left in the work day and I have a tx session right after. So g2g. Thanks for listening. Peace.